You are probably someone who genuinely cares about the happiness and well-being of everyone
in your life, and that's a beautiful quality.
It's a gift.
But even the most generous hearts need boundaries, because pouring from an empty cup helps no
one, least of all yourself.
You're a nurturer.
You're constantly giving, giving, giving.
You're constantly giving, giving, giving, and there's not much left for you.
You're juggling everyone else's needs, and yours are falling by the wayside.
And maybe you're even feeling a little guilty about wanting to prioritize yourself, or resentful
of others needing you.
But setting boundaries is not selfish.
It is recognizing the natural God-given limits of your own humanity and telling others what
those limits are for you.
It's actually the most loving thing you can do, not just for yourself, but for the people
who care about you too.
Think about it this way.
When you're running on empty, you can't be your best self for anyone.
You're more likely to feel resentful and stressed, and that's a fast road to burnout.
And that doesn't help anyone.
But when you protect your time and your peace, you have more energy, more joy, and more to
give.
You can show up for the people that you love with a full heart and not a depleted one.
I know setting boundaries can feel scary.
Maybe you're worried about disappointing someone or that they'll think that you don't
care.
It's possible that others will not react well to your boundaries, but healthy relationships
are grounded in honest communication.
Their poor reaction is not your responsibility.
Caring for your peace of mind by saying no to the things that you do not have capacity
for is your responsibility.
Managing other people's emotions is not in your control.
Here's a little exercise that will help you get started.
You can go as deep as you want to, or as shallow.
It's up to you.
Start by listing all of the things that take up your time and your energy.
Looking at your calendar is a great start, but also keep in mind the things that take
your mental energy, things you worry about, information that you have to remember, the
emotional labor of certain relationships, especially those that are really hard.
When you're satisfied with the list that you've made, then I want you to divide it up into
three categories.
Things you can control, things you can influence, things you cannot control.
Control means that you have power and agency over the process and the outcome.
This is kind of like getting dressed in the morning.
You pick out your outfit and you put the clothes on your body.
That's the process.
And the outcome is that you are dressed in the clothes that you chose.
Influence means you have power over some of the process, but no power in the outcome.
This is like if you picked out clothes for your children in the morning and they decided
to put on the pants, but not the shirt.
You had some power in the process, but ultimately the clothes that they put on their body is
their choice.
And of course, no control means just that.
You have no power or agency in the process or the outcome.
Remember when Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount, how many of you can add an inch
to your height by worrying?
He makes this joke because many of us act like thinking about something or worrying
about something long enough is a process that will help us control for a certain outcome.
This list that you've just made will help you set the most important boundaries that
you need to set, the ones you set with yourself.
Often the first boundaries we need to set are to decide not to let someone else's emotional
response influence our own mood or behavior.
When we've taken this step, setting boundaries with others about our time and our capacity
becomes so much easier.
We no longer feel responsible for an outcome we could never control in the first place.
It is your responsibility to love others well, and you can do this by clearly stating what
you need in that relationship and holding that.
boundary. You are not a machine. Respect yourself and respect your God-given
limits and your need to prioritize your own
needs, the ones that no one else can meet for
you. You are worthy of rest, you are worthy of
peace, and you are worthy of joy.
Setting boundaries is one step to more rest,
peace, and joy.