WEBVTT

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Hello, everyone. Happy Monday evening. So glad to be here with you tonight. Let me see here.

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I just got to figure out this screen. There we go. Welcome. Y'all, it's Happy Thanksgiving

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Week here in the US. If you're in Canada, you might have already celebrated. If you're

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in another country, I'm not sure when all of you all celebrate, but we extend Thanksgiving

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Week and happiness to you too. So glad that you are joining us here tonight. Would love

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to know if you are new, this is your first time ever joining us for a live session. Would

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love for you to let us know that in the chat so that we can welcome you and say hi, all

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that fun stuff. For all of my ladies returning, welcome back. I see a lot of awesome faces

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on my screen. Love seeing you all. Jolene, first time, welcome. Anita, welcome to your

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first live session. I hope you all are extremely blessed tonight and encouraged. So glad to

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have you all. Just letting that roll in a little bit. I am here in Indiana now. We just

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traveled through multiple states over a couple days time. We were in Kentucky for a few days

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and we're visiting and having dinner with family tonight for a little bit. And we'll be

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here for the next few days. I'm mentioning that just because so many things God is showing

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me. Every time you're around people that you haven't been around in a while, even family,

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God just is like, whoa, there's some revealings for healing all over the place, y'all. Lots

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of opportunity and they're not all bad things, right? And so I was telling the ladies this

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afternoon, I didn't introduce myself either. For those of you that are new, I'm Bethany

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in the community. We have Annette Lewis here with us tonight. She's one of our peer coaches.

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Y'all might see Andrea Jezelnik respond to you all. She's also one of the peer coaches.

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And we have a couple other people that are going to be helping in our heartwork group

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here in the near future. As soon as we have them step into that, I will let you know who

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they are. But we are continuing to train people and raise them up in our community because

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we are growing and God is doing a lot of stuff and we want to continue to be able to serve

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you all really well. And so where I was going with that is that I was telling the ladies

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this afternoon that I don't even fully know everything that I said. I just remember it

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was being really fresh, just praying and talking to them about how sometimes things happen

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supernaturally and you don't realize, you know, whether it's the enemy or the Lord at

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first and you have to pray and ask God for discernment. And so when I share this story,

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I'm not wanting to get into a bunch of dream conversation tonight, but the reason I'm

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sharing this story is to go to the other connection factor. And the whole point is going

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to connect to our topic for tonight. And this is what I have to share with you is that for

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those of you that don't know me, so I at one point dated a gentleman for six years that

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was not a good relationship. But out of that, I developed a really solid relationship with

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his two daughters. I call them my spiritual daughters. So if you ever hear me talk about

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it, that's who I'm talking about. And what that means to me is I have chosen to love

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them. I claim them as mine in the spirit. But I never overstep. They have a mom. She's

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not a super great mom. And I'm not saying that out of disrespect. It's just it's the

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honest truth. And their dad isn't super great. And so thankfully, God has allowed me to have

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this, this relationship with them. And I pray all the time that they'll continue to

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have a green heart or green light in their heart towards me and God is something I pray

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all the time. And but where I'm going with this is that they've been through a lot. There

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are two young ladies 20 and 22 years old now. And they've seen a lot in absolute a lot of

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their mom and their dad, they've been mistreated quite a bit. And so on the oldest of the two

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is really, really struggling and needs deliverance genuinely. And my best friend and and I spent a

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lot of time with her on Saturday. And it was good, but she just really is in a bad mood most of the

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time. And we were just kind of trying to encourage her and it was good to have my best friend there

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just even just a normal like, Hey, what have you thought about this kind of thing? But I'm saying

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all that to say, I didn't think much of it because I, you know, I come in, when I lived close, I

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spent time with them all the time. Even when I lived in Indiana, I would drive every like month

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and a half and spend time with them. But now that I'm in Florida, I haven't seen them for six months

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in person, talk to him on the phone, we voice

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Memo, we send video back and forth, but this was the first time I've seen them since May.

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And, um, we, after we spent time with her, uh, Sunday night, um, I had a dream.

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And in the dream, there was a woman tending to someone else and they

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had some kind of need physically.

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And in the dream, she was kind of like real sweet to that person.

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And she was like, oh, you know, she was kind of talking to me, but she was

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talking to them and she was like, they're going to be okay.

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What they have.

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Isn't that serious.

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And then this person in the dream looked at me.

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And when she looked at me, her eyes were evil and then her voice changed.

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And she's like, but you, and she pointed at me in the dream.

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She said, you have cancer in your lungs and your throat.

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That is literally how she was talking to me in the dream.

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And I woke up and I thought, what the heck do I have cancer?

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And so all morning that morning, Lord, do I, do I have cancer?

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Was that you like, you know, and, and all of a sudden the Lord was like, just

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reminded me that's not what my eyes look like and that's not what my voice sounds

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like, even if I'm warning you, Bethany, I've never spoken to you that way.

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And so the reason I'm sharing this example to you is that I didn't

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think much about it past that.

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I've been praying about it.

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I didn't say anything to my best friend about it at all until this morning.

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And I just shared with her, it was really crazy.

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I had this dream yesterday.

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And when I told her, she said, Oh my gosh, I had a dream that I was really sick

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to the same morning that I had that dream.

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I was staying at her house.

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See, and then the Lord starts connecting these dots.

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Her and I were the two people ministering to my spiritual

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daughter the day before.

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So the reason I'm bringing this to y'all tonight is not to freak you out.

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I don't have cancer.

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Lord's already told me, cause I even asked him, do I need to go to the

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doctor and get this checked out?

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Do I need to make sure?

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And the Lord's like, that wasn't my voice.

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So number one, the reason I'm sharing this with you is that I want y'all to

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remember whether it's a dream or a prophetic word or something that someone

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speaks to you, even a family member, this is the holiday season.

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This is going to be legit advice.

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So I hope y'all are listening.

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You need to be asking God, is this your voice?

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Is this the enemy's voice or is this my voice?

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Cause sometimes you're all's voices.

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You've heard a lot of negative stuff.

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And so you're saying not good things to yourself.

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God, is this your voice?

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Is this the voice of the enemy or is this my voice?

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Okay.

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Number two part is this.

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I realized this morning, like, Whoa, like this is spiritual warfare coming

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against my friend and I, because we are trying to help her and y'all.

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I mean, I've ministered to my spiritual daughter for years, but for whatever

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reason, it was very apparent to me this morning that that's what's, that's what's

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And so then I started feeling like, Oh, do I need to be concerned?

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No, I minister all the time, but these were real thoughts I was having.

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So I'm just trying to be transparent.

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And this is, this is what the Lord, excuse me, said to me.

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He said, Bethany, now is not the time to back down.

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Or be afraid you need to advance and take the land.

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So I'm giving that to you all as a word for some of you all.

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The enemy is trying to convince you.

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I thought the Holy spirit, when I said it this afternoon and I'm feeling it again

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tonight, so it's not just for me.

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Okay.

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I'm not doing this just for myself.

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I'm giving this to some of you all.

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The enemy is trying to convince you because when I look at my spiritual

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daughter, I I'm not kidding you all the more that I've been praying.

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I feel like the worst that she's gotten.

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It looks like she's going backwards, not forward.

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And if I look with my physical eyes, that's what I see.

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But if I will look with my eye, the eyes of the spirit, the eyes of the father

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and the Holy spirit and Jesus Christ, and I asked them, what do you see?

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And I pray into that and I fast and I intercede and I stand in the gap for her.

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I believe that we will take ground.

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Now, I don't know how long that will take.

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I don't know what it's going to look like, but the last thing that needs to

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happen is for me to give up and back off versus move forward.

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But the enemy, he's trying to make me afraid so that I'll back off.

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You see how that works?

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All right.

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So I'm giving this to you because tonight we're talking about supernatural

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surrender.

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That's where we're going tonight.

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And the reality is, is I have to supernaturally surrender her over and over

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to the Lord because when all, when we do all that we know to do, what does the

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Bible say to do?

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It says to stand and see his glory.

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Some of you all need to get that tenacity for your love story.

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Do y'all hear what I'm saying?

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When you know that you know that you know that God has said,

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hey, this is what I have for you,

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that you won't give up

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and that you'll keep partnering with Him

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and you won't believe the lies of the enemy

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when He shows up in a dream

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or He shows up through a person

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or whatever that looks like for you

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and you say, I'm not backing down,

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I'm partnering with the Lord

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and I'm gonna take the land, I'm gonna advance.

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And y'all, sometimes that's hard, it is.

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I was saying this afternoon that we hear a lot,

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worship is warfare and sometimes,

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yeah, that is worshiping and singing

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and using our voice as a song.

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But I also believe that worship is literally us choosing

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to have a positive heart, posture and attitude.

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That is a sacrifice, isn't it sometimes?

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When we don't see something positive,

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when we, again, it looks like something's

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going in the opposite direction,

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but the Lord's like, hey, partner with me.

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So this is the week of Thanksgiving.

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I'm gonna activate you all very quickly here.

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We're gonna do it quick.

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I want you to put in the chat for me

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one or two things that you are thankful for

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right now, tonight.

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It could have been something that happened

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already this week, it could have been something today.

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For those of you that are really struggling,

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you're like, I don't know what I'm thankful for.

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I don't know if I even have something to be thankful for.

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I want you just to look around your room

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and I want you to just ask the Lord,

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what is in front of me right now that I can thank you for?

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Because I reminded the ladies this afternoon,

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here's the reality.

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Someone somewhere tonight has nothing to eat

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and I'm not shaming you.

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I'm just trying to help you remember you have a warm bed.

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A lot of you have warm water to shower in.

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I have warm water, I hope tonight.

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We're staying in an Airbnb, I'll find out.

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But even if I don't, I have water to wash myself.

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Y'all, I went to Haiti back in 2014

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and there were people that didn't even have water,

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they were bathing their babies in a mud puddle.

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That's a real reminder.

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I always think about that.

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If I don't have hot water,

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I just try to remember, man, I have water.

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So just be thankful.

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It doesn't mean we can't feel what we feel.

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I'm not asking you to ignore that.

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I'm just asking you to also,

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just partner with Thanksgiving.

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Do you know that one of the ways

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that you can defeat the enemy the most

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is to literally posture yourself in gratitude?

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Because you can't worship and grumble

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and complain at the same time.

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You just can't, they both don't come out of the,

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they can't come out at the same time

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and that's what I'm saying.

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So I know that I went into a little bit of content.

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Hopefully I'm not confusing Annette here.

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I jumped kind of into some stuff,

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but we're gonna go through

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a couple housekeeping things very quickly.

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We're gonna pray.

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We're gonna go into the rest of the content,

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but I'm excited you all are here tonight.

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I knew that was something that God wanted me to share

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because real-time things that we learn,

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even as coaches that we can give to you,

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I hope that that's helpful to you

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and that you remember, God, is this your voice?

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Is this the voice of the enemy or is this my voice?

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Annette, I would love for you to go ahead

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and do those housekeeping items

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and then pray a sin, please.

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Awesome.

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Thanks, Bethany.

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I'm always grateful when you share what God shows you.

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It's a blessing.

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Okay.

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We want you all to feel welcome here tonight.

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We're glad you're here.

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Please remember what we like to always say

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is hurt in community, healed in community,

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hurt in relationship, healed in relationship.

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So we want you and encourage you to be vulnerable,

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be real, be open, just like Bethany's sharing tonight,

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something that God is showing her to bless and encourage us.

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When you come in the group and you post

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and you ask questions and share,

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then that gives your sisters an opportunity

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to learn and grow as well.

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So we want you to step out of hiding

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and come and share with us

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so that we can all learn and grow together

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and we can coach you around the things

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that you're struggling with

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because you never know what somebody else

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who might be too afraid to share,

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but you being courageous and stepping forward and sharing

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could be just what somebody else needs.

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So we want you to do that.

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And also this is a holiday week.

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Distractions will come in life

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when you're doing your heart work.

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When we are all about doing the enemy's work,

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he wants to prevent us from having the growth

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and transformation that God has specifically for us.

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And so this week,

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as you go into time with family and friends,

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I encourage you to pray,

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practice taking care of your health, get good rest,

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even though it's a busy holiday season, get good rest,

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eat healthy, enjoy a piece of pie

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cause then enjoy.

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life, but, but, um, enjoy good foods, good whole foods, drink lots of water, um, and just, uh,

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just stay focused on your heartwork. If guys pop up that have been around before when you know,

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you're home and spending time, put that to the side. We encourage you to continue to put that

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to the side and focus on this time for you, because that's going to pay big dividends in

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your relationship with the Lord. Okay. All right. I'm going to go ahead and pray us in,

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and then I'll turn it back to Bethany and we'll get started on the evening and build on what

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she's already shared. Dear heavenly father. I thank you for the privilege of being here tonight.

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And, and I thank you for times in my own life this week where you have shown up and you've spoken

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when, when we're around things that Satan just slips in and tries to use against us that we

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would be on guard and that we would put on the full armor of God and that we would stand strong

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in you and in truth and in our faith. And I pray that tonight as Bethany speaks, that you would

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continue to anoint her words, that you would speak through her and that the hearts of each

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one here will be open and be in a posture of surrender and curiosity, God, about what it is

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you have for them tonight. And that you would just reveal for healing because your love and

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your grace and your mercy just blankets each one of us. And as we are your daughters,

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bless this time together in your name, I pray. Amen. Okay. Bethany back to you.

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Amen. That was great. Thank you so much, Annette. All right, you all. So if you haven't done the

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Jesus Cares Board yet, as far as watching the video, working on your Jesus Cares Board, if you're brand

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new, you might not know what that is yet, but it is in week one of the heartwork section. So if

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you've been here for a little while and you're not sure what that is, definitely go back and watch

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that. Really want to encourage you all, even though it seems maybe like a simple thing, to watch it

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again. If you're not even sure what to do with your Jesus Cares Board or how to use it or why it really

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matters, that you would really get a heart for it. Because genuinely, you all, I really hope that this

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becomes a tool for your lifetime. I revisit my Jesus Cares Board all the time, you all. And

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one of the things I want you all to keep in mind is that, and if you've already done it this way,

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it's okay. All right. But I want to coach you a little bit on this. When you make your Jesus

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Cares Board, if you've done it in more general terms, so for example, if you say, you know,

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I care about my finances. I'm casting this care about my finances on you. That's really good.

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It's really good. That's a great start. But I want you all to get more specific, okay? What is it that

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you need him to do in your finances? Do you have debt? If you do, how much debt do you need him to

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pay off? Is it a school debt? Is it a car debt? Is it some other kind of debt? Where you literally,

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you know, are getting specific. Now, if you have children and you're worried about the kids seeing

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it, I get that. One of the creative ways some of our parents have done that before, they've

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navigated it. They've written it out very specific, but then they put it in an envelope. I had one lady

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make a little 3D box that hers was on the inside of, but you know what's in there. Now, can Jesus

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answer it if we write it in general? Absolutely. But there's something about writing out our specific

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prayer needs or wants and the things that we are casting onto him. And just the way that he comes

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and works in those is so supernatural, you all. And so I want to encourage you to get specific.

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Do you need salvation in someone's life? Or is just their name on your board?

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Like, what do you want God, what do you want Jesus and God and Holy Spirit to do in that person's

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life? You know, you see what I'm saying? Let's get specific, ladies, and let's get really vulnerable

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even on those boards when you're working on those. And then when you all, you'll hear this later in

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the activation, for those that feel comfortable to, I hope that you take a picture where we can

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actually see what your board says in your picture. Because then that gives us an opportunity

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to pray into those. And you know, sometimes God will speak to us as we're looking at your boards

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and or give us questions or things to really even, you know, kind of help revealing for healing in

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some of those areas. And so that is going to be a part, and again I'll circle back to this, that's

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part of one of your activations for this week. If you've already done your Jesus Cares board, don't

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feel like you have to redo it. But again, maybe go back and consider, do you have all of your things

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more in general terms? Are you getting specific with the Lord? All right, so tonight we're talking

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about supernatural surrender. So I want to start out with the main statement, and it is this,

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let God add his super to your natural.

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Where are you trying to do things in the natural, where you're trying to make

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something happen? Even some of you in your heart healing process, you struggle

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with just really fully surrendering and letting the Lord do the heavy lifting

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for you. So He is a supernatural God. He is God Almighty. He is the maker of

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heaven and earth. Nothing is too hard for Him. So we allow His super to align with

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our natural. And we're going to talk about that a little bit more, but I want you all

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to think about the word release. Okay? And when we supernaturally surrender, we

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are releasing things into God's hands. And this is the definition of the word

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release. It says, allow something to move, act, or flow freely. So if we are fully

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releasing, we're relinquishing control fully to the Lord. We're releasing that

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to Him. We're saying, Lord, I'm going to allow you to move and act and flow

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freely in my life. That means that we're not going to try to hinder the work, or

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we're not going to try to take the wheel back when the Lord is leading us towards

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a different direction than we thought we were supposed to go, right? We're going to

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trust and obey. There's actually a song out there like,

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Y'all haven't sang that hymn for a couple years now, but that just came up in my

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spirit. So we'll just trust that that is from the Lord. Some of y'all need to just

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trust and obey and know that there's no other way to be happy in Jesus. It's not

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a forceful thing either, okay? John 15, verse 4 and 5 says this, remain in me as

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I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself. It must remain in the

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vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine. Jesus,

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this is Jesus. He's like, I'm the vine. You are the branches. If you remain in me

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and I in you, you will bear much fruit. Apart from me, you can do nothing.

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I pray this a lot before I even get on the coach because, man, I need to remember

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that I don't want to come in with my man knowledge, my head knowledge. I want to

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come in and just, okay, I want to have that. I want to have the wisdom and the

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experience that I've gained, but I don't want to let that be the lead. I want to

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literally lean into the Holy Spirit and say, okay, Lord, what do you have to say?

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He knows all of you better than I do. He knows everything that you need.

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And so no matter what I come in with, I'm like, okay, Lord, I want you in the

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driver's seat and let me just come alongside and partner with you.

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And so I hope that that is what you will continue to do in your heartwork process

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in the future regarding your spirit mate. And to remember that God is a gentleman.

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He's not going to force his way in. So when we accept Jesus, for those of us

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that have accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we accept him into our heart.

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We invite him in. He doesn't come and barge his way in. We invite him in.

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And then he comes and he lives in us and he dwells in us. And then God,

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I'm going to read a scripture here in a minute, does the same.

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Okay. So tonight we want to encourage you to remove all of your do not enter signs.

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You know, these areas where you're driving, it's like wrong way.

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This is only one way you can't go here. Don't enter here.

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So some of you all subconsciously have these erected in your heart.

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And you're like, God, I want, I want to find the love of my life.

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I want to have a new job. I want to have this. I want to.

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But then as soon as God's like, Hey, you know, he starts nudging you to move,

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or he starts nudging you to let go of like this thing that's been on your list.

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That really doesn't need to be on your list.

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But because you got hurt by somebody somewhere that's on your list.

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Or you're afraid to be a mom.

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Or you're afraid to be with someone that's been married when you haven't been married.

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Because you feel like you're not going to align and you want to have first,

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you know, these are all, we understand why these are on there, you all.

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But this is where we got to, we got to fully surrender it.

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To the Lord.

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God isn't going to make you be with someone you're just going to be

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miserable with unless you choose someone that's not healthy for you.

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That's your choice. Okay.

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Because that can happen. It has happened to people in our community,

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but it's people that haven't listened to coaching.

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And it's people that literally.

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just, they blow past red flags and they just keep going.

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And they don't stay in community.

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So stay in community,

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stay with people that are gonna tell you the truth

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and that we're gonna love you,

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but we're gonna be kind enough to tell you,

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hey, that's not good.

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That person's not doing something healthy in that regard.

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Or we're gonna say to some of you like,

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hey, don't run away from this guy, he's all green flags.

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What are you doing?

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We're gonna lovingly say those things.

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Because some of you all,

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you're self-sabotaging left and right,

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even with friends and family.

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My youngest spiritual daughter,

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y'all I was in town for three days

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and I only got to see her the last day.

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Now I know she's 20, she got her own life,

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but y'all she was self-sabotaging.

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She wanted to come,

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she said she was coming Friday night

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and then just didn't show.

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I really think part of it is she struggles

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because she doesn't like it when I leave and it's hard.

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It's hard for me.

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And so she self-sabotaged until the last day.

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Thankfully she came the last day.

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Y'all we do this in relationship

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where there's something we really want,

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but subconsciously things are going on

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and it's hindering us from entering into relationship

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and even going towards things that we want

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and things that we need.

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Revelation 3.20 says this,

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"'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.

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"'If any man hears my voice and opens the door,

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"'I will come into him and will sup with him

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"'and he with me.'"

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Y'all I want you to understand this is like,

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God's like, hey, like I'm gonna stand

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at the door of your heart and I'm gonna knock.

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And if you hear me knocking and not only that,

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but you open the door to me,

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it makes me think of, who was it?

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Peter that was released from the prison

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and they came to the door and the girl,

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she like left him standing at the door

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to go tell the people he was at the door.

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I think that's who it was.

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And it just makes me think of that.

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Like, she's like, whoa, Peter's at the door.

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Because he was in prison,

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they didn't expect to see him there.

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But then they had to go back and open the door

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and let him in, right?

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Same kind of thing, even though Peter's not God,

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it's not exactly the same,

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but I want you to see that parallel.

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They weren't expecting it.

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But when God comes knocking,

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sometimes we're not gonna expect it either.

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When God brought Brian to me,

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Brian was in a denomination that I thought I would never.

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And it's not bad, y'all, but this is how people think.

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We think certain denominations aren't as spiritual as us.

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I know I'm speaking truth,

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because I hear it all the time.

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And I know that I thought it.

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And God sent me someone that was in a denomination

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that I was kind of like, oh, I don't know about that.

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I said something to Jackie and she said,

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Bethany, just get to know the man.

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Have fun and let God show you who he is

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and don't worry about that.

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And I did, and I'm so glad that I did,

457
00:28:06.940 --> 00:28:09.080
because he is the best person for me.

458
00:28:09.480 --> 00:28:12.640
And God worked all that other stuff out, okay?

459
00:28:13.560 --> 00:28:16.140
Some of you all, this is where even for some of you,

460
00:28:16.140 --> 00:28:17.800
you gotta let down the walls.

461
00:28:18.040 --> 00:28:20.960
You gotta let down all these things that are hindering you

462
00:28:21.040 --> 00:28:22.480
and they're getting in the way.

463
00:28:22.620 --> 00:28:25.240
We talked about names last week, right?

464
00:28:25.240 --> 00:28:26.120
Some of us, we get,

465
00:28:26.480 --> 00:28:28.740
because somebody heard us that had a certain name.

466
00:28:28.980 --> 00:28:31.960
And so now we won't even look at someone with that name.

467
00:28:32.180 --> 00:28:32.660
Right?

468
00:28:32.660 --> 00:28:34.520
Same kind of thing.

469
00:28:34.940 --> 00:28:37.500
So tonight, are you willing to give God permission

470
00:28:37.540 --> 00:28:39.460
and full access to your heart?

471
00:28:40.160 --> 00:28:42.100
Like to fully enter in?

472
00:28:42.140 --> 00:28:45.600
You know, there's these areas where we're like,

473
00:28:45.600 --> 00:28:48.340
okay, God, you can come in like over here,

474
00:28:48.940 --> 00:28:52.640
but like, ooh, over here in this area and territory,

475
00:28:52.780 --> 00:28:55.140
like, I'm still mad at that person.

476
00:28:55.220 --> 00:28:57.080
I'm not ready to deal with that.

477
00:28:58.040 --> 00:29:01.020
And God's like, come on, like, it's time.

478
00:29:01.800 --> 00:29:03.200
It's time to let that go.

479
00:29:04.020 --> 00:29:05.820
It's time to forgive that person.

480
00:29:06.500 --> 00:29:08.080
I know some of y'all are experiencing

481
00:29:08.660 --> 00:29:11.200
some like radical freedom and healing

482
00:29:11.320 --> 00:29:13.900
from some things that you've been working on for a while.

483
00:29:13.900 --> 00:29:15.120
That's so awesome.

484
00:29:15.260 --> 00:29:16.960
It's exciting to see that.

485
00:29:17.280 --> 00:29:19.100
I believe more of that is about to come

486
00:29:19.100 --> 00:29:20.980
in this group in the days to come.

487
00:29:21.440 --> 00:29:23.740
All right, I have something just really briefly

488
00:29:24.720 --> 00:29:25.980
from the heart work book.

489
00:29:26.160 --> 00:29:28.400
It's from chapter three in the supernatural surrender.

490
00:29:28.480 --> 00:29:29.660
And this is what it says.

491
00:29:29.680 --> 00:29:31.820
Ever since we were toddlers, our mantra,

492
00:29:32.380 --> 00:29:34.620
our mantra, I think that's how you say it,

493
00:29:34.620 --> 00:29:36.420
has been, I do it myself.

494
00:29:36.920 --> 00:29:39.380
We have been programmed by our broken world

495
00:29:39.380 --> 00:29:41.940
to never depend on anyone or anything.

496
00:29:42.560 --> 00:29:46.060
And people that do are considered foolish and naive.

497
00:29:47.500 --> 00:29:50.760
All through our lives, we are taught overtly and covertly

498
00:29:51.440 --> 00:29:55.640
that it's a good thing to be in and stay in control.

499
00:29:56.600 --> 00:29:58.180
And that's a lot of hard work.

500
00:29:58.460 --> 00:29:59.980
One of the main reasons we don't.

501
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.220
want to depend on anyone else is we don't want to be disappointed.

502
00:30:05.260 --> 00:30:08.760
Being disappointed is painful, maybe even more painful than not trusting

503
00:30:08.920 --> 00:30:11.800
anyone to help us in the first place.

504
00:30:12.340 --> 00:30:14.040
I want you to think about that.

505
00:30:14.280 --> 00:30:21.380
You know, even some of you, is it that you're disappointed in God or you're

506
00:30:21.380 --> 00:30:24.300
disappointed, you're afraid that he's going to disappoint you again because

507
00:30:24.520 --> 00:30:25.900
you're disappointed in him before.

508
00:30:26.200 --> 00:30:27.820
And you haven't dealt with that.

509
00:30:27.820 --> 00:30:30.980
You haven't had that, that heart to heart conversation, even with

510
00:30:30.980 --> 00:30:32.380
the Lord that you need to have.

511
00:30:33.200 --> 00:30:35.300
Some of you, you know, we talked about it last week.

512
00:30:35.320 --> 00:30:38.060
You need to forgive the Lord, even though he's not done anything wrong,

513
00:30:38.620 --> 00:30:40.140
but you perceive it that way.

514
00:30:41.140 --> 00:30:44.000
And he's saying, Hey, like daughter, I'm ready to reunite.

515
00:30:44.380 --> 00:30:45.880
I'm knocking at the door of your heart.

516
00:30:46.080 --> 00:30:48.640
And what I didn't go into in the fullness of that scripture.

517
00:30:48.840 --> 00:30:49.420
Think about it.

518
00:30:49.740 --> 00:30:52.380
He's like, I'm going to come in and have a meal with you.

519
00:30:53.440 --> 00:30:56.460
Think about some of your most intimate times that you've had with people.

520
00:30:56.460 --> 00:31:00.360
I don't know about you all, but it's around food and meals and talking,

521
00:31:00.680 --> 00:31:04.220
connecting, intimacy is into me.

522
00:31:04.220 --> 00:31:10.020
See, are you really willing to let God see intimately into you, into the

523
00:31:10.240 --> 00:31:15.380
vulnerable places, and then are you really willing to let someone else love

524
00:31:15.380 --> 00:31:17.200
you enough to come into those places?

525
00:31:18.380 --> 00:31:22.660
Because again, we say we want love and we say we want relationship, but then

526
00:31:22.810 --> 00:31:26.170
sometimes they get close and, and then some of y'all struggle.

527
00:31:26.410 --> 00:31:29.130
And again, there's no shame in this, but this is just real with the

528
00:31:29.130 --> 00:31:30.650
avoidant and you push people away.

529
00:31:31.830 --> 00:31:35.210
And so you have to learn how to heal from that stuff so that you can

530
00:31:35.450 --> 00:31:37.930
attach securely and it is possible ladies.

531
00:31:38.370 --> 00:31:38.710
All right.

532
00:31:38.890 --> 00:31:42.710
No matter what the world tells you, it is possible to heal from anxious

533
00:31:43.130 --> 00:31:45.150
attachment, avoidant attachment, anxious avoidant.

534
00:31:45.230 --> 00:31:47.250
There's all these different attachment things out there now.

535
00:31:47.250 --> 00:31:49.070
And I love that we're learning this stuff.

536
00:31:49.210 --> 00:31:49.650
Okay.

537
00:31:49.650 --> 00:31:54.950
But I think sometimes people get so caught up in that, that they forget that

538
00:31:54.950 --> 00:31:58.130
we serve a God that can heal all of that.

539
00:31:58.450 --> 00:32:02.690
So please always remember that at the core, you can unlearn things.

540
00:32:02.690 --> 00:32:09.370
You can allow God to rewire your brain and help you learn that, you know, just

541
00:32:09.370 --> 00:32:14.010
because you learned you couldn't be secure before growing up or whatever

542
00:32:14.010 --> 00:32:17.530
the situation was, doesn't mean that has to be your forever.

543
00:32:17.530 --> 00:32:23.390
And I'm telling you from experience, I used to anxiously attach, but God

544
00:32:23.430 --> 00:32:29.550
healed me and I was able to securely attach with Brian and not get all

545
00:32:29.550 --> 00:32:32.390
anxious and freak out and all the things that I did in the past.

546
00:32:33.050 --> 00:32:33.490
All right.

547
00:32:33.490 --> 00:32:37.450
Here are a couple of practical things, ways that I do it myself for God.

548
00:32:37.570 --> 00:32:39.830
I've got this show up in our daily lives.

549
00:32:40.690 --> 00:32:42.970
I want you to think about relationship areas.

550
00:32:43.650 --> 00:32:48.250
Are you someone that tends to control conversations or outcomes during conflict

551
00:32:48.550 --> 00:32:50.890
rather than seeking God's wisdom first?

552
00:32:51.070 --> 00:32:53.710
Like you're trying to, you know, I don't know about you all.

553
00:32:53.810 --> 00:32:58.710
Have you ever been in a conversation or, uh, even an argument and you like

554
00:32:58.710 --> 00:33:01.750
chase after that person cause they're like, they're just not listening or

555
00:33:01.770 --> 00:33:04.030
the it's not going the way you wanted it.

556
00:33:04.030 --> 00:33:07.930
And you just, you're panicking and you're like, I gotta, I gotta make

557
00:33:07.930 --> 00:33:11.650
sure that they understand that what I'm trying to say and you're chasing after

558
00:33:11.650 --> 00:33:15.290
them, that's trying to control an outcome, man.

559
00:33:15.290 --> 00:33:21.070
Sometimes it's hard to just let that person just, you know, walk, whether

560
00:33:21.070 --> 00:33:26.570
it's a way or just be uncomfortable and feel that moment, but that doesn't

561
00:33:26.570 --> 00:33:30.990
mean we shouldn't just pause and be like, okay, Lord, what should I do in this

562
00:33:31.010 --> 00:33:31.530
situation?

563
00:33:33.090 --> 00:33:38.430
And sometimes God's going to say, you need to let them process that emotion

564
00:33:38.950 --> 00:33:43.150
or what, even if it's not healthy, y'all, it's not our job to fix other people.

565
00:33:43.890 --> 00:33:51.810
It's our job to let God heal us and help us and then let him deal with them.

566
00:33:52.150 --> 00:33:58.150
We can say things we can say, Hey, that hurt my feelings when you said this, but

567
00:33:58.150 --> 00:34:01.470
we shouldn't say you made me feel this way.

568
00:34:02.350 --> 00:34:03.590
There's a difference.

569
00:34:04.270 --> 00:34:09.130
Owning our feelings is different than saying someone made us feel something.

570
00:34:09.449 --> 00:34:09.449


571
00:34:09.969 --> 00:34:13.290
Doesn't mean you don't feel it, but you need to own what you feel and

572
00:34:13.290 --> 00:34:14.810
communicate that to the person.

573
00:34:15.210 --> 00:34:20.170
If there's something that they said that caused you to feel something that wasn't

574
00:34:20.170 --> 00:34:20.590
healthy.

575
00:34:21.949 --> 00:34:22.210
All right.

576
00:34:22.690 --> 00:34:26.690
Number two, making major relationship decisions without prayer or godly counsel.

577
00:34:27.090 --> 00:34:28.949
This is, I do it myself.

578
00:34:28.969 --> 00:34:29.969
God, I've got this.

579
00:34:30.010 --> 00:34:31.130
I don't need your input.

580
00:34:31.730 --> 00:34:35.770
You know, Oh God, there's this person and you know, that comes into our lives and

581
00:34:35.770 --> 00:34:40.170
then we're like, and we get ahead of God and we're racing into stuff instead of

582
00:34:40.170 --> 00:34:44.830
saying, God, you know, help me to see clearly what this relationship looks like

583
00:34:44.830 --> 00:34:45.409
to you.

584
00:34:46.290 --> 00:34:50.570
Number three, trying to earn love through performance instead of resting in God's

585
00:34:50.570 --> 00:34:51.429
unconditional love.

586
00:34:51.690 --> 00:34:54.949
Are you trying to earn people's love through your performance?

587
00:34:56.489 --> 00:34:59.830
Now we're going to talk about financial and career, and this is a little similar

588
00:34:59.830 --> 00:34:59.830


589
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.100
the relationship in the first part of this, but making financial decisions

590
00:35:03.100 --> 00:35:06.960
based solely on our own understanding without seeking God's direction. You

591
00:35:06.960 --> 00:35:10.860
guys are going to kind of hear that common thread, just making decisions

592
00:35:10.860 --> 00:35:15.120
without even asking God what his thoughts are about it. This one I think

593
00:35:15.120 --> 00:35:19.220
is interesting. I love talking about this in a lot of different ways, but

594
00:35:19.220 --> 00:35:24.380
hoarding resources out of fear, instead of trusting God as our provider.

595
00:35:26.920 --> 00:35:31.540
Sometimes people even get into hoarding things, not just finances, but they're

596
00:35:31.580 --> 00:35:36.800
hoarding things in their home. And that all kind of is rooted in fear. And

597
00:35:36.920 --> 00:35:40.880
probably, you know, a lot of them, and if that's something you struggle with, there's

598
00:35:40.880 --> 00:35:43.920
no shame in that. I just hope that you work through that with the Lord and

599
00:35:43.920 --> 00:35:48.620
don't stay in that place. But people that struggle with hoarding, you know, some of

600
00:35:48.620 --> 00:35:52.680
them didn't have a lot when they were younger, or they went through a trauma

601
00:35:52.680 --> 00:35:58.180
that they could not control. And because of that, and they didn't get healing in

602
00:35:58.180 --> 00:36:03.880
that, they now try to hoard things because it's a form of soothing. It's a

603
00:36:03.880 --> 00:36:08.880
form of control. They're surrounding themselves with stuff to fill the void

604
00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:13.320
of a person. It's very real. There's a lot of other reasons why people do that, but

605
00:36:13.320 --> 00:36:17.720
those are two that I know of. And I was saying to the ladies this afternoon,

606
00:36:17.840 --> 00:36:21.420
interestingly enough, and when I say this, I'm not speaking this in an ill will

607
00:36:21.420 --> 00:36:26.140
of the former pastor, but it's just a factual situation that we walked into

608
00:36:26.140 --> 00:36:33.380
when we stepped into the role here at this church. Years ago, before the pastor

609
00:36:33.380 --> 00:36:39.900
before us came, the church, you know, had a lot of people, very beautiful

610
00:36:39.900 --> 00:36:44.200
landscape, the church was like really taken care of really, really well, the

611
00:36:44.020 --> 00:36:49.700
building, the grounds, everything. And, you know, this is just the difference of

612
00:36:49.700 --> 00:36:54.400
where people are at and what they carry. And then the pastor after that, that

613
00:36:54.400 --> 00:36:59.460
pastor, the one that came in right before us, I'm sure he did a lot of things right,

614
00:36:59.620 --> 00:37:04.180
you all, but I do believe that God has revealed to us that he walked with a

615
00:37:04.180 --> 00:37:09.660
poverty mentality and a lot of scarcity. And so the church actually had a lot in

616
00:37:09.660 --> 00:37:14.180
savings, but he would, even things that they needed to fix in the building and the

617
00:37:14.860 --> 00:37:20.840
he wouldn't approve it. And so we walked into like, even for example, for those of

618
00:37:20.840 --> 00:37:23.820
you that have been here for a little while, you know, that we recently went

619
00:37:23.820 --> 00:37:29.240
through a massive mold situation in the parsonage that we moved into. And a lot

620
00:37:29.240 --> 00:37:34.400
of that had to do with things that were not taken care of for years, while the

621
00:37:34.400 --> 00:37:38.460
former pastor had that under his authority. And the reason I bring this up

622
00:37:38.460 --> 00:37:45.000
is my husband and I were just talking about, um, how different things were when

623
00:37:45.000 --> 00:37:48.700
we came, like even the outside landscaping of the parsonage and all the

624
00:37:48.700 --> 00:37:52.380
things, when you look back at pictures, it was very different. And so what

625
00:37:52.520 --> 00:37:57.780
scarcity mindsets do is they cause us to shut down. And in some ways we just, we

626
00:37:57.780 --> 00:38:01.980
hold on to, but what ends up happening is the things that we are, we are called to

627
00:38:02.040 --> 00:38:09.280
steward actually start to like, not do well. So the building and the things

628
00:38:09.280 --> 00:38:15.440
were kind of falling apart, if you will, in some ways, not completely, but some

629
00:38:15.440 --> 00:38:19.580
ways. And so I want you to think about areas where you might be trying to hold

630
00:38:19.580 --> 00:38:25.740
on too tight to some things. And for some of you, it's not exactly the same as

631
00:38:25.740 --> 00:38:30.000
hoarding, but you're holding on so tight to a relationship that it's, it's

632
00:38:30.080 --> 00:38:38.220
straining it. It's not helping it thrive and grow. It's actually causing it to, um,

633
00:38:38.940 --> 00:38:45.960
I can't think of the word, but atrophy, like go backwards. Right. Some of you all

634
00:38:45.960 --> 00:38:49.580
it's money. You're like, you're so afraid. And God's like, Hey, go buy yourself a

635
00:38:49.580 --> 00:38:55.580
new top. And you're like, I can't. Okay. Let's, I'm not saying be wasteful and

636
00:38:55.580 --> 00:38:59.320
spend things and not be a good steward the other side, but Hey, some of y'all

637
00:38:59.320 --> 00:39:04.480
need to learn. It's okay to go and invest in something and allow yourself to go

638
00:39:04.480 --> 00:39:09.220
buy a new dress. Some of you as single moms, I think, you know, you've gone,

639
00:39:09.320 --> 00:39:14.640
you've been in survival mode for so long that it can feel really hard to go and do

640
00:39:14.640 --> 00:39:18.100
something nice for yourself. So I want to encourage you, if you're a single mama,

641
00:39:18.180 --> 00:39:22.700
I'm not speaking to you. I'm not saying spend money you don't have, but I am

642
00:39:22.700 --> 00:39:30.840
saying that instead of always taking care of everybody else, I feel like in this

643
00:39:30.840 --> 00:39:34.960
season, it'd be really good for you to at least ask the Lord, what is something I

644
00:39:34.960 --> 00:39:40.440
should do for myself in the next month? Whether that's even like without spending

645
00:39:40.440 --> 00:39:45.340
money, you just, you, you let someone come and help you watch your kids and you

646
00:39:45.340 --> 00:39:48.100
take a night. I don't know if this is something you would love, but take a

647
00:39:49.080 --> 00:39:54.320
and rest. Y'all see how even that switches out of hoarding and holding too

648
00:39:54.320 --> 00:39:58.160
tightly. Like nobody can help me. And I got to do this all by myself. I've got

649
00:39:58.160 --> 00:39:59.240
this. Do you see that?

650
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.440
Okay, I hope so.

651
00:40:02.060 --> 00:40:02.840
All right, parenting and family,

652
00:40:03.000 --> 00:40:04.760
trying to control our children's every choice

653
00:40:04.760 --> 00:40:08.040
instead of training them and trusting God with their hearts.

654
00:40:09.040 --> 00:40:11.040
Fixing every problem for our kids

655
00:40:11.040 --> 00:40:12.900
rather than allowing them to learn

656
00:40:12.900 --> 00:40:14.480
and grow through challenges.

657
00:40:15.860 --> 00:40:18.620
Some of y'all, you know, we get so afraid

658
00:40:18.620 --> 00:40:21.020
that our kids are gonna feel pain, don't we?

659
00:40:22.560 --> 00:40:26.840
But they actually need to feel some,

660
00:40:26.840 --> 00:40:30.880
some repercussion for actions and decisions

661
00:40:30.880 --> 00:40:32.480
that aren't healthy for them.

662
00:40:34.100 --> 00:40:35.960
Personal growth, white knuckling through bad habits

663
00:40:35.960 --> 00:40:38.840
instead of inviting God into the transformation process.

664
00:40:39.520 --> 00:40:40.980
You know, I want you to be thinking

665
00:40:40.980 --> 00:40:43.680
and remembering what we say all the time

666
00:40:43.680 --> 00:40:45.380
in the heart work and in this community.

667
00:40:45.520 --> 00:40:48.440
We're not looking for behavior change

668
00:40:48.440 --> 00:40:50.100
and behavior modification, ladies.

669
00:40:50.380 --> 00:40:52.160
Short-term, that's not what we're looking for.

670
00:40:52.260 --> 00:40:54.140
We're looking for inner healing

671
00:40:54.140 --> 00:40:57.080
that leads to long-term transformation.

672
00:40:57.440 --> 00:40:59.240
So this white knuckling, you know,

673
00:40:59.280 --> 00:41:01.400
I can change, I can change, I can change, I can do it.

674
00:41:01.400 --> 00:41:03.300
You're not trying to force yourself.

675
00:41:03.520 --> 00:41:06.000
This is God healing you

676
00:41:06.360 --> 00:41:10.180
and you growing in the understanding of God's love for you

677
00:41:10.180 --> 00:41:12.840
to the point that everything that you're doing

678
00:41:12.840 --> 00:41:15.620
is flowing out of the understanding of his love for you.

679
00:41:16.960 --> 00:41:20.300
Y'all, when I got a hold, a handle on

680
00:41:21.460 --> 00:41:23.680
the spirit of lust that came against me,

681
00:41:23.680 --> 00:41:26.540
all those years, you know, it started with abuse

682
00:41:26.540 --> 00:41:28.280
and then just trickled all the way

683
00:41:28.280 --> 00:41:29.460
into all my relationships.

684
00:41:30.400 --> 00:41:34.520
And y'all, I was like, okay, I'm gonna find a partner.

685
00:41:34.600 --> 00:41:37.140
We're gonna work on this covenant together

686
00:41:37.140 --> 00:41:39.060
and we're not having sex before marriage

687
00:41:39.060 --> 00:41:41.040
because I'm breaking this thing off my family.

688
00:41:41.680 --> 00:41:44.380
And I like literally, I'm not saying it was easy,

689
00:41:44.380 --> 00:41:46.340
but that was something I committed to.

690
00:41:46.460 --> 00:41:49.680
Now I'm telling you that came and empowered

691
00:41:49.680 --> 00:41:50.760
by the Holy Spirit.

692
00:41:50.880 --> 00:41:53.300
And I had a partner with him every step of the way

693
00:41:53.300 --> 00:41:55.200
because it was not easy,

694
00:41:55.960 --> 00:41:58.700
but I learned how to stop trying to white knuckle it too.

695
00:41:59.400 --> 00:42:02.260
I had to partner with the Holy Spirit.

696
00:42:03.020 --> 00:42:04.740
Self-control is a fruit of the spirit.

697
00:42:06.080 --> 00:42:07.420
Do you see the difference?

698
00:42:08.200 --> 00:42:12.280
Partnering with the spirit is not white knuckling it, okay?

699
00:42:12.680 --> 00:42:15.260
We cannot do things in our own strength

700
00:42:15.620 --> 00:42:17.100
pretty much all the time.

701
00:42:17.160 --> 00:42:18.760
That's why that scripture said that earlier.

702
00:42:18.880 --> 00:42:20.880
We can't do anything apart from the vine.

703
00:42:22.640 --> 00:42:24.940
So for those of you that struggle with that,

704
00:42:25.260 --> 00:42:26.880
I hope that you take that as a note

705
00:42:26.880 --> 00:42:29.020
that will help you in the days to come

706
00:42:29.020 --> 00:42:32.900
to know that you can walk in self-control

707
00:42:32.900 --> 00:42:36.380
and have an amazing, beautiful, blessed marriage

708
00:42:36.440 --> 00:42:39.300
when you come together and have covenant at that point.

709
00:42:39.520 --> 00:42:40.920
All right, here's one more.

710
00:42:42.120 --> 00:42:43.280
Comparing our journey to others

711
00:42:43.280 --> 00:42:45.640
and trying to fast track our growth.

712
00:42:46.520 --> 00:42:49.860
God told me to lean into this a little bit more tonight.

713
00:42:49.860 --> 00:42:51.520
I'm not gonna spend a ton of time on it.

714
00:42:51.600 --> 00:42:53.800
But for those of you that might be trying

715
00:42:53.800 --> 00:42:56.440
to kind of fast track your way to the person

716
00:42:57.080 --> 00:43:00.200
and maybe even trying to like really go real fast

717
00:43:00.200 --> 00:43:01.480
through the heart work, I wanna encourage you

718
00:43:01.480 --> 00:43:04.900
just to really trust the process of the heart work.

719
00:43:05.380 --> 00:43:08.360
Don't try to skip through and think,

720
00:43:08.620 --> 00:43:09.620
oh, I've done this before.

721
00:43:09.640 --> 00:43:11.380
Even if you've worked with counselors before,

722
00:43:11.560 --> 00:43:13.700
I promise you, if you will lean in

723
00:43:13.700 --> 00:43:16.000
and partner with what God is trying to do,

724
00:43:16.380 --> 00:43:18.000
some of y'all are gonna get things

725
00:43:18.000 --> 00:43:19.000
that you've never gotten

726
00:43:19.000 --> 00:43:21.100
and you've been in church for your whole life.

727
00:43:22.240 --> 00:43:24.160
And God's gonna give it to you while you're here.

728
00:43:24.400 --> 00:43:26.700
But we have to be willing to be made willing.

729
00:43:27.160 --> 00:43:28.840
We have to be willing to listen

730
00:43:28.840 --> 00:43:29.820
to what the Holy Spirit is saying.

731
00:43:29.900 --> 00:43:32.840
So don't try to fast track and go past the process.

732
00:43:33.680 --> 00:43:36.520
Everything good, y'all, comes with a process.

733
00:43:37.200 --> 00:43:39.420
Even if you're making, we're making cookies tomorrow.

734
00:43:39.560 --> 00:43:41.040
We're making the Cooper clan.

735
00:43:41.140 --> 00:43:43.040
The girls are getting together and making cookies.

736
00:43:43.500 --> 00:43:44.700
And you know what?

737
00:43:45.440 --> 00:43:46.700
Cookies come with the process.

738
00:43:46.700 --> 00:43:48.740
Candy, all these things, don't they?

739
00:43:49.200 --> 00:43:50.900
So why do we think we should be able

740
00:43:50.900 --> 00:43:54.220
to just fly right past that to find our spirit mate?

741
00:43:55.000 --> 00:43:56.660
We need a process, okay?

742
00:43:57.120 --> 00:44:00.180
So John 14, 25 through 27 says this,

743
00:44:00.220 --> 00:44:02.400
all this I've spoken while still with you,

744
00:44:02.700 --> 00:44:04.240
but the advocate, the Holy Spirit,

745
00:44:04.480 --> 00:44:06.040
whom the Father will send in my name

746
00:44:06.040 --> 00:44:07.560
will teach you all things

747
00:44:07.680 --> 00:44:10.920
and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

748
00:44:11.860 --> 00:44:15.640
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you.

749
00:44:16.560 --> 00:44:18.480
I do not give to you as the world gives.

750
00:44:18.960 --> 00:44:23.580
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

751
00:44:25.380 --> 00:44:28.540
This is the reminder for you tonight

752
00:44:29.180 --> 00:44:32.940
that no matter what your situation is telling you,

753
00:44:33.040 --> 00:44:35.840
that the peace that passes all understanding

754
00:44:35.840 --> 00:44:38.380
can guard your heart and your mind through Christ Jesus.

755
00:44:39.380 --> 00:44:41.940
Jesus came to give you peace.

756
00:44:42.560 --> 00:44:43.960
He is your peace.

757
00:44:45.640 --> 00:44:47.360
So if you're struggling tonight,

758
00:44:47.520 --> 00:44:48.580
if you're struggling in any,

759
00:44:48.940 --> 00:44:51.200
even if it's regarding your spirit mate or your heart work

760
00:44:51.200 --> 00:44:53.360
or the things that God is revealing to you,

761
00:44:53.780 --> 00:44:55.900
I wanna encourage you just to remember and say,

762
00:44:55.980 --> 00:44:58.160
Jesus, thank you so much that you're my peace.

763
00:44:58.840 --> 00:44:59.740
God is peace.

764
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.880
Holy Spirit, they bring peace, right? I had to learn years ago that, you know,

765
00:45:06.960 --> 00:45:12.500
peace isn't the absence of chaos. Sometimes it is. Sometimes you're out on the boat,

766
00:45:12.800 --> 00:45:18.880
on a lake, and there's literally, like, the air's not moving, the boat's barely rocking. I don't

767
00:45:18.880 --> 00:45:24.700
know if y'all have ever been out on a boat, but that can be true. But most of the time,

768
00:45:26.120 --> 00:45:32.720
you got an anchor on a boat that's keeping you there. So there's still something at work.

769
00:45:33.120 --> 00:45:37.920
And so when you're going through tough times, when there is chaos, those are the greatest

770
00:45:37.920 --> 00:45:43.920
moments where God can really show you how His peace comes and it surrounds you. I always think

771
00:45:43.920 --> 00:45:49.420
about the eye of a storm. Like, I had this literally years ago, this visual when I was

772
00:45:49.640 --> 00:45:54.200
worshiping the Lord, and I could see straight down into the ocean floor, and I was standing

773
00:45:54.220 --> 00:45:59.960
there, and all this water was around me, and I knew the empty space on the inside of that place

774
00:46:00.060 --> 00:46:06.200
around me, and before the water was the Lord's presence, and that's what He showed me.

775
00:46:06.560 --> 00:46:13.120
And He told me all those years ago that He would always be with me right in the center of the

776
00:46:12.640 --> 00:46:19.020
storm. And that has served me all these years, and I still will bring it up from time to time

777
00:46:19.020 --> 00:46:23.920
because it was such a vivid visual. Like, it was literally like I could just see right down

778
00:46:23.920 --> 00:46:30.460
to the ocean floor, and I was standing there, and God had moved all the water. Y'all, He's the way

779
00:46:30.460 --> 00:46:37.820
maker. He can literally part seas, and He can protect us from burning in the fire, if you will.

780
00:46:39.120 --> 00:46:45.500
It's whether or not we trust Him that He's capable of doing that. This is a part of

781
00:46:47.140 --> 00:46:52.240
surrendering. When you're in there, when that chaos is ensuing,

782
00:46:53.440 --> 00:46:58.660
sometimes you don't have to know what to say. You just, Lord, I just need you. Jesus, help me.

783
00:47:01.720 --> 00:47:04.700
Sometimes those are the greatest words you can ever pray. If you don't know what to pray,

784
00:47:05.760 --> 00:47:11.500
just say, Jesus, help. Do you know that, oh, I feel the Holy Spirit on that. You don't even have

785
00:47:11.500 --> 00:47:15.360
to. Like I know I said earlier about the specific things, but the reality is that

786
00:47:16.480 --> 00:47:26.520
if we call on His name, there He is with you. He's right there. And you might not always feel Him,

787
00:47:27.740 --> 00:47:31.760
but He's there, and He's with you in the middle of what you're going through.

788
00:47:32.320 --> 00:47:38.020
So as this last reminder before I pass it over to Annette, is that you don't need to dig, okay?

789
00:47:38.020 --> 00:47:42.100
It's super important. You don't need to get your shovels out trying to figure out

790
00:47:42.440 --> 00:47:47.880
what's wrong with you and every aspect of this dynamic. I had a lady this afternoon,

791
00:47:48.080 --> 00:47:51.720
I'm so sorry, I can't remember who it was. So if you're on tonight, I can't remember who said

792
00:47:51.720 --> 00:47:55.720
this to me right now. I don't have my notes in front of me, but she was just saying that,

793
00:47:55.900 --> 00:48:02.140
oh, it was Lisa. It was Lisa. She was saying that she struggled with abandonment for a long time,

794
00:48:02.180 --> 00:48:07.060
and she kind of got in a rut of trying to analyze all the stuff about abandonment

795
00:48:07.060 --> 00:48:10.480
and how when I said that today, it really clicked for her finally.

796
00:48:12.200 --> 00:48:17.620
She doesn't have to figure out every aspect of why she struggles with abandonment.

797
00:48:20.420 --> 00:48:27.920
Because what we need to do is say, Lord, I trust you to reveal the things for healing that are

798
00:48:28.120 --> 00:48:33.700
needed and trust Him to bring the things up that need to come up. So if you are someone that you

799
00:48:33.900 --> 00:48:38.380
you're like, mine is really active, and you're trying to figure it out yourself.

800
00:48:39.680 --> 00:48:44.280
One of the ways I did this years ago, as I started going to my aunt and people, and I

801
00:48:44.280 --> 00:48:48.240
would ask them questions about different things with my family, and I was trying to piece it all

802
00:48:48.380 --> 00:48:55.600
together myself. And y'all, I turned up a rock during that that I wish I had never overturned.

803
00:48:57.880 --> 00:49:00.980
Maybe God would have shown me that eventually, but I'm telling you,

804
00:49:00.980 --> 00:49:06.620
I overturned some rocks I shouldn't have at that time, because I was not able to handle

805
00:49:07.040 --> 00:49:11.140
what I found out. It was very, very hard. And so I want to encourage you all,

806
00:49:12.060 --> 00:49:15.440
trust the Lord in the process of your healing. No matter how long you've been doing this,

807
00:49:16.060 --> 00:49:22.240
He knows what you need to know. He'll tell you He loves you. And those things that He doesn't

808
00:49:22.240 --> 00:49:30.400
reveal right now, it's to protect you. So just trust that, okay? All right. So if God brings up

809
00:49:30.400 --> 00:49:35.220
a memory, whether it's a good memory or not good memory, or you don't even know what it means,

810
00:49:35.700 --> 00:49:40.680
I always say to people, pull the thread, okay? What this means to me is, it's kind of like,

811
00:49:40.900 --> 00:49:44.040
you know, sometimes you pull a thread on something, and then it starts to unravel the

812
00:49:44.040 --> 00:49:49.780
whole thing. Yeah, so in this regard, it's pull the thread, and you're going to ask the Lord,

813
00:49:50.280 --> 00:49:55.080
like, hey Lord, you know, this memory came up, and I feel like you're showing it to me,

814
00:49:55.080 --> 00:49:59.980
but I don't even know what it means. Can you reveal to me for healing, if there's anything?

815
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.800
that's I need to know from this situation from this memory and that's how you pull the thread

816
00:50:04.800 --> 00:50:08.600
and you just see what he what he shows you from there and some of you you might not hear anything

817
00:50:08.600 --> 00:50:14.020
right then and that's okay you've already asked him and you can just kind of go on and then in

818
00:50:14.020 --> 00:50:18.420
the right time he will reveal to you if there's something else he needs you to know all right

819
00:50:18.420 --> 00:50:22.560
Annette I would love for you to share with the ladies what God has prepared for you to say

820
00:50:22.560 --> 00:50:29.860
tonight and then we're going to get ready for breakout session okay thanks Bethany um as I was

821
00:50:29.860 --> 00:50:36.440
pondering and praying about what to share tonight it actually didn't take very long and I was

822
00:50:36.440 --> 00:50:43.520
thinking really God okay we'll go with that um I had a situation actually with my oldest son

823
00:50:43.820 --> 00:50:52.440
and his wife last fall and a couple weeks leading up to I'll say the turning point

824
00:50:52.440 --> 00:51:02.600
something felt off to me and didn't feel right but again I try I wanted to lay it down I wanted

825
00:51:02.600 --> 00:51:09.880
to pray I wanted to ask God to show me you know if there was something um because they were very

826
00:51:09.880 --> 00:51:17.500
closed off to conversation when I would say you know I'd ask is everything okay and I am still

827
00:51:17.500 --> 00:51:26.180
learning and growing in the role of a mother-in-law um and g-ma so trying to navigate

828
00:51:26.180 --> 00:51:36.040
respectfully and kindly and honestly felt like I was doing a really good job and then um an early

829
00:51:36.340 --> 00:51:44.980
conversation at the beginning of September last September with my son totally caught me off guard

830
00:51:44.980 --> 00:51:52.080
and I can honestly tell you at first when he started talking as soon as he started talking

831
00:51:52.080 --> 00:51:59.140
I started praying because the things that he was saying about me were devastating and

832
00:52:00.400 --> 00:52:03.860
he was saying things like this could have an impact on whether you

833
00:52:04.420 --> 00:52:10.880
whether or not you get to see Levi my grandson and spend time with them and

834
00:52:11.760 --> 00:52:19.460
even God really gave me wisdom helped me stay calm helped me listen to what my son had to say

835
00:52:19.460 --> 00:52:28.940
and ask questions and ask for examples of what he was talking about and y'all I never

836
00:52:28.940 --> 00:52:37.040
the only example I ever got of anything that I did wrong was I had invited to uh

837
00:52:38.040 --> 00:52:44.440
take them to the zoo and to lunch instead of going to their house um

838
00:52:46.120 --> 00:52:55.040
and so as as I hung up the phone without examples um I have to honestly say I really struggled for

839
00:52:55.040 --> 00:53:03.580
the next several days um was very emotional was very tearful but I did go and take it to God it

840
00:53:03.580 --> 00:53:09.080
was probably one of the most difficult things that I've ever had to go and I did not surrender

841
00:53:09.080 --> 00:53:16.800
it at first I not unintentionally or not intentionally to not surrender it but because

842
00:53:16.800 --> 00:53:23.540
okay here's the problem now I need to figure out how to fix it so I'm calling and I'm asking and

843
00:53:23.540 --> 00:53:28.880
I'm suggesting you know counseling and I'll pay for the counseling and everything was met with

844
00:53:28.880 --> 00:53:40.500
no no no and um finally one morning I was praying and I had not had peace I had not had

845
00:53:40.500 --> 00:53:46.560
peace because I was trying to run ahead of God and take care of it all on my own and figure it out

846
00:53:46.560 --> 00:53:53.600
and God really spoke to me and said Annette you've done all you can do what when Bethany said that

847
00:53:53.760 --> 00:54:03.820
when you've done all you can do stand and that's what I did and it was difficult it was challenging

848
00:54:03.820 --> 00:54:12.880
it was not easy but God has repeatedly shown up for me and shown me that he sees me um

849
00:54:13.060 --> 00:54:26.600
um for example um when I was gonna go see them one day um my son had said well Levi and Lindsay

850
00:54:26.600 --> 00:54:34.560
won't be here and that was kind of my whole reason to go up there I was like okay okay God you see

851
00:54:34.560 --> 00:54:42.760
and you know what is going on and so I leave the time in your hands and when I sent the text that

852
00:54:42.760 --> 00:54:49.380
I was on the way there I got a text back that said great we're all here Lindsay and Levi didn't

853
00:54:49.580 --> 00:54:57.080
leave and that to me was an affirmation and a hug from heaven that they were still going to be there

854
00:54:57.820 --> 00:54:59.980
and then another instance

855
00:55:01.980 --> 00:55:09.520
I had offered to have them to my home. And they were no, that's

856
00:55:09.520 --> 00:55:14.800
okay. You know, we're going to have somebody else do it. And

857
00:55:14.800 --> 00:55:18.060
that person backed out at the last minute. So they called me

858
00:55:18.060 --> 00:55:22.140
and asked me if I could do it. And I know that that is God

859
00:55:22.140 --> 00:55:27.080
working on my behalf. I may not see in the circumstance that I'm

860
00:55:27.280 --> 00:55:32.240
looking at in that minute in that moment in that day. But it

861
00:55:32.240 --> 00:55:36.540
doesn't mean that things can't change in a moment. And that

862
00:55:36.540 --> 00:55:41.580
God hasn't orchestrated that opportunity. And so that is

863
00:55:41.580 --> 00:55:46.040
something that even now I have to continue to lay down and it

864
00:55:46.040 --> 00:55:50.300
has given me opportunity to make sure I don't pick it back up and

865
00:55:50.300 --> 00:55:53.140
try and run with it. But that I have surrendered that

866
00:55:53.140 --> 00:55:58.580
relationship to God. And I let him orchestrate it, rather than

867
00:55:58.760 --> 00:56:03.080
me trying to orchestrate how I think it should be. And that has

868
00:56:03.080 --> 00:56:08.300
made a huge difference in my own piece, in spite of circumstances

869
00:56:08.440 --> 00:56:12.820
that are difficult to navigate. I have a piece that I didn't

870
00:56:12.820 --> 00:56:18.320
have before when I was trying to manage it on my own. So I hope

871
00:56:18.320 --> 00:56:23.560
that helps and encourages all of you, you can fit your own

872
00:56:24.460 --> 00:56:30.400
scenario into that. And just, it really is better when you place

873
00:56:30.400 --> 00:56:35.960
your natural and let God put his super with it. Okay, thanks,

874
00:56:36.040 --> 00:56:37.540
Bethany, for the opportunity to share.

875
00:56:38.420 --> 00:56:42.520
Yeah, I love that. Y'all such such a great reminder to have the

876
00:56:42.520 --> 00:56:47.020
ways that God can work, you know, creatively, through other

877
00:56:47.020 --> 00:56:50.680
situations and things to work in our favor and on our behalf.

878
00:56:51.220 --> 00:56:54.020
You know, the Bible says that when we honor the Lord, when we

879
00:56:54.020 --> 00:56:57.360
love him and live for him, that he will prepare a table for us

880
00:56:57.360 --> 00:57:01.280
in the presence of our enemies. And I'm not saying her sons,

881
00:57:01.500 --> 00:57:03.780
they're, you know, her enemy, but I think that's something to

882
00:57:04.340 --> 00:57:09.000
remember, you know, and that God will bless us, that he'll bless

883
00:57:09.000 --> 00:57:12.360
us and he'll give us favor. All right, I have these breakout

884
00:57:12.360 --> 00:57:16.900
sessions ready for you tonight. Your question is, what are some

885
00:57:16.900 --> 00:57:20.680
things God is nudging you to surrender to him tonight? What

886
00:57:20.680 --> 00:57:23.600
are some things that God is nudging you to surrender to him

887
00:57:23.600 --> 00:57:25.740
tonight? Y'all get to know each other a little bit, it is going

888
00:57:25.740 --> 00:57:28.840
to be short, brief and powerful. Okay, so don't try to kind of

889
00:57:28.840 --> 00:57:31.840
look and watch your time. I'm giving each person, there's two

890
00:57:31.840 --> 00:57:35.580
people per group. So you have three minutes each. I know that

891
00:57:35.580 --> 00:57:37.700
doesn't sound like a lot, but you can say a lot in three

892
00:57:37.560 --> 00:57:40.140
minutes. Okay, but get to know each other a little bit. If you

893
00:57:40.140 --> 00:57:43.160
have some extra time, you know, where are you from, you know,

894
00:57:43.160 --> 00:57:46.020
all the fun things. But talk about the question first,

895
00:57:46.020 --> 00:57:49.460
please. All right, here you go. Go ahead and click to join those

896
00:57:49.880 --> 00:57:50.360
rooms.

897
00:58:13.120 --> 00:58:16.000
All right, give me one minute. I'll start to pray here. I'm

898
00:58:16.000 --> 00:58:18.340
going to invite a couple people situated that are by themselves

899
00:58:18.740 --> 00:58:19.940
right now.

900
00:58:22.980 --> 00:58:26.220
Father, thank you so much for everything that you're doing.

901
00:58:26.660 --> 00:58:30.980
Thank you God for working in supernatural ways to help us to

902
00:58:30.980 --> 00:58:36.680
see God what we can't see on our own. I thank you for just making

903
00:58:36.800 --> 00:58:40.720
all like your truth, you know, more and more available to us

904
00:58:40.720 --> 00:58:46.380
help us to recognize your blessings that are surrounding

905
00:58:46.380 --> 00:58:52.180
us on every side. Y'all it's hard to pray and concentrate on

906
00:58:52.180 --> 00:58:56.420
this at the same time, but I'm trying. I'm almost done. Hold on

907
00:58:56.420 --> 00:59:01.220
one second. All right, I think I have everyone. I don't think

908
00:59:01.220 --> 00:59:03.880
anyone's by themselves. Lord, thank you so much for the

909
00:59:04.500 --> 00:59:06.680
breakout sessions that are happening tonight. Those ladies

910
00:59:06.680 --> 00:59:09.080
that are here in the main room, those that are going to watch

911
00:59:09.080 --> 00:59:12.540
the replay. We love you. And we want you to know that we really

912
00:59:12.540 --> 00:59:15.460
believe that everything that God is releasing live is coming to

913
00:59:15.460 --> 00:59:18.480
you as well as when you're watching the replay. So Lord, we

914
00:59:18.480 --> 00:59:23.080
just thank you for helping everyone that hears this truth

915
00:59:23.080 --> 00:59:25.920
tonight, just really see and recognize the areas that they

916
00:59:25.920 --> 00:59:29.540
need to supernaturally surrender to you. Maybe even things that

917
00:59:29.540 --> 00:59:31.880
they've surrendered to you before God, and they're just

918
00:59:31.880 --> 00:59:36.420
saying, God, I trust you, even when it hurts, Lord, I'm giving

919
00:59:36.420 --> 00:59:40.720
this person, I'm giving this situation to you. God, I thank

920
00:59:40.720 --> 00:59:43.860
you that you make sense out of all things. God, you work all

921
00:59:43.860 --> 00:59:48.500
things together for good to save many people alive. That's, you

922
00:59:48.500 --> 00:59:52.980
know, Genesis, it makes me think of Genesis 5020, you know, that

923
00:59:52.980 --> 00:59:56.020
everything that Joseph went through, you know, if we read

924
00:59:56.020 --> 00:59:59.760
his story, man, hard things, right? And even things he was

925
00:59:59.760 --> 00:59:59.980
blamed for.

926
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:01.460
before that he never even did.

927
01:00:02.780 --> 01:00:05.320
And God just blessed him in the middle of all that.

928
01:00:06.480 --> 01:00:10.020
And God raised him up and prepared him to save a whole,

929
01:00:10.420 --> 01:00:13.020
like what he did and God, the wisdom that he had,

930
01:00:13.160 --> 01:00:15.100
God used him to provide and save.

931
01:00:15.740 --> 01:00:19.240
And not only the nation and the land he was living in,

932
01:00:19.240 --> 01:00:21.880
but his family and all the people that he brought from there

933
01:00:22.340 --> 01:00:24.220
and how God provided for them.

934
01:00:24.460 --> 01:00:27.420
And so, ladies, sometimes I know it's hard,

935
01:00:27.940 --> 01:00:29.760
cause we look again with our physical eyes,

936
01:00:29.880 --> 01:00:32.380
but God is in the midst of those things and he's working

937
01:00:33.160 --> 01:00:36.500
and he will continue to work it all together

938
01:00:38.180 --> 01:00:40.520
and surprise us in the midst of it.

939
01:00:40.580 --> 01:00:44.100
So we just thank you God for helping us to see that.

940
01:00:44.240 --> 01:00:46.120
Rosie, did you get kicked out?

941
01:00:50.140 --> 01:00:52.940
She said she can't join a room tonight.

942
01:00:53.440 --> 01:00:54.880
Oh, totally fine, totally fine.

943
01:00:54.880 --> 01:00:55.480
That's all right.

944
01:00:55.540 --> 01:00:56.000
Thank you.

945
01:00:56.580 --> 01:00:58.320
I didn't see that pop in there.

946
01:00:58.900 --> 01:01:00.620
All right, let's see here.

947
01:01:00.820 --> 01:01:05.880
I want to read, let's do this Isaiah 41 10.

948
01:01:06.080 --> 01:01:06.840
I like this scripture.

949
01:01:07.360 --> 01:01:09.580
I love all scripture, but this is standing out.

950
01:01:09.800 --> 01:01:11.200
Don't be afraid for I'm with you.

951
01:01:11.420 --> 01:01:13.280
Don't be discouraged for I am your God.

952
01:01:13.560 --> 01:01:15.360
I will strengthen you and help you.

953
01:01:15.620 --> 01:01:18.880
I will uphold you with my righteous, victorious right hand.

954
01:01:20.080 --> 01:01:21.320
Y'all, it says righteous,

955
01:01:21.320 --> 01:01:23.320
I think in the new King James version,

956
01:01:23.360 --> 01:01:25.220
I was just kind of going with what I know in my spirit,

957
01:01:25.220 --> 01:01:26.880
but it actually says here in the NLT,

958
01:01:27.040 --> 01:01:30.680
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

959
01:01:31.880 --> 01:01:33.060
And Galatians 6, 9 says,

960
01:01:33.300 --> 01:01:35.180
so let's not get tired of doing what is good.

961
01:01:35.180 --> 01:01:36.480
At just the right time,

962
01:01:36.520 --> 01:01:38.980
we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up.

963
01:01:39.460 --> 01:01:41.780
And so Lord, we just surrender all these areas,

964
01:01:41.920 --> 01:01:43.720
even to you where we feel weary,

965
01:01:44.080 --> 01:01:45.940
God, where we might feel tired,

966
01:01:46.380 --> 01:01:48.280
where we might feel heavy laden,

967
01:01:48.880 --> 01:01:50.720
God, where some days it's hard to believe

968
01:01:50.720 --> 01:01:53.260
for those ladies that are in here

969
01:01:53.260 --> 01:01:55.100
that don't have their spirit mate yet,

970
01:01:55.740 --> 01:01:57.620
where it gets tough to believe, God,

971
01:01:57.760 --> 01:01:59.820
that you can provide in all of those areas,

972
01:01:59.920 --> 01:02:01.080
but you're doing it, Lord.

973
01:02:01.200 --> 01:02:04.300
I thank you that you're literally moving people

974
01:02:04.300 --> 01:02:06.600
from one state to another state,

975
01:02:07.220 --> 01:02:09.720
God, you're moving them in jobs and situations,

976
01:02:09.960 --> 01:02:11.880
and you're just continuing to,

977
01:02:12.560 --> 01:02:14.820
just like a chessboard,

978
01:02:15.280 --> 01:02:17.820
all the moves that you're making are intentional.

979
01:02:18.140 --> 01:02:19.140
And I thank you, God,

980
01:02:19.140 --> 01:02:23.100
that you're gonna continue to reveal in every way,

981
01:02:23.100 --> 01:02:24.720
surprises and adventures,

982
01:02:24.980 --> 01:02:27.240
and that there's a lot of good things ahead.

983
01:02:27.760 --> 01:02:29.860
I thank you, Lord, that even when,

984
01:02:30.400 --> 01:02:32.800
yes, Lord, even when we do feel tired,

985
01:02:32.800 --> 01:02:34.740
that we can rely on you,

986
01:02:35.620 --> 01:02:39.180
that you're gonna step in and enable us

987
01:02:39.180 --> 01:02:42.260
to continue to walk and find the energy supernaturally.

988
01:02:42.460 --> 01:02:44.560
He does that for me all the time, y'all.

989
01:02:44.780 --> 01:02:46.800
Sometimes I'm like, I don't have anything left, Lord,

990
01:02:46.800 --> 01:02:49.400
so I just need you to be my energy, and he does it.

991
01:02:49.400 --> 01:02:50.980
And so I believe he'll do that for you as well.

992
01:02:51.820 --> 01:02:53.520
Psalm 190, or excuse me,

993
01:02:54.200 --> 01:02:57.400
Psalm 139, 23 through 24 says this,

994
01:02:57.460 --> 01:02:59.600
"'God, I invite your searching gaze into my heart.

995
01:03:01.220 --> 01:03:03.120
"'Examine me through and through.

996
01:03:04.100 --> 01:03:06.780
"'Find out everything that might be hidden within me.

997
01:03:07.020 --> 01:03:10.920
"'Put me to the test and sift through all of my anxious cares

998
01:03:11.180 --> 01:03:15.460
"'see if there's any path of pain I'm walking on,

999
01:03:15.480 --> 01:03:17.600
"'and lead me back to your glorious ways,

1000
01:03:17.700 --> 01:03:20.020
"'the path that brings me back to you.'"

1001
01:03:20.020 --> 01:03:22.300
So Lord, we just ask you to literally,

1002
01:03:22.860 --> 01:03:26.420
any of us that we're walking on pathways of pain,

1003
01:03:26.840 --> 01:03:28.320
pathways that lead us away from you,

1004
01:03:28.460 --> 01:03:30.660
God, I thank you that you would take our feet

1005
01:03:30.660 --> 01:03:33.960
off of those pathways and put our feet on the pathways

1006
01:03:33.960 --> 01:03:38.100
that do lead back to your care and back to your presence,

1007
01:03:39.020 --> 01:03:40.400
back to your life, God,

1008
01:03:40.780 --> 01:03:43.420
that we wouldn't see the cup half empty, God,

1009
01:03:43.420 --> 01:03:44.580
that we would see it full.

1010
01:03:45.560 --> 01:03:47.980
Not just halfway full, but God, we would see it full

1011
01:03:47.980 --> 01:03:49.480
because your presence is there.

1012
01:03:49.480 --> 01:03:52.200
So Lord, I thank you where we see lack,

1013
01:03:52.500 --> 01:03:54.680
God, I thank you that you see abundance, Lord.

1014
01:03:55.100 --> 01:03:57.200
I pray that you would give us supernatural ability

1015
01:03:57.200 --> 01:03:58.960
to see what your spirit sees,

1016
01:03:59.140 --> 01:04:00.700
to hear what your spirit is saying.

1017
01:04:01.280 --> 01:04:03.420
God, I thank you that you would just bring,

1018
01:04:04.680 --> 01:04:07.500
yes, Lord, thank you that you already brought victory

1019
01:04:07.500 --> 01:04:09.480
into every situation through Jesus Christ.

1020
01:04:09.480 --> 01:04:11.460
I was almost gonna say, Lord, thank you

1021
01:04:11.460 --> 01:04:13.720
that you would bring victory into the situation,

1022
01:04:13.840 --> 01:04:14.920
but I believe it's already there.

1023
01:04:15.320 --> 01:04:17.700
And so Lord, we just apply the blood of Jesus Christ

1024
01:04:17.700 --> 01:04:23.020
to every situation, every illness that's present,

1025
01:04:23.180 --> 01:04:25.020
and anyone that's a part of last year single

1026
01:04:25.260 --> 01:04:27.760
in this heart work group, God, and we thank you

1027
01:04:27.760 --> 01:04:29.440
for revealing areas for healing

1028
01:04:30.040 --> 01:04:33.800
and just speaking truth and love and awakening us

1029
01:04:34.240 --> 01:04:36.520
to the fullness of all the plans and purposes

1030
01:04:36.520 --> 01:04:38.360
that you have for us in Jesus name.

1031
01:04:39.060 --> 01:04:41.000
Welcome back, so glad that you guys are here.

1032
01:04:41.060 --> 01:04:42.260
I know that's always quick.

1033
01:04:43.140 --> 01:04:44.760
I know it can be quick, quick, quick,

1034
01:04:44.760 --> 01:04:46.860
but I hope that you still had a little bit of time

1035
01:04:46.860 --> 01:04:49.440
to get to know each other and make some good connections

1036
01:04:49.440 --> 01:04:53.000
and that God is using that for a blessing for you.

1037
01:04:53.480 --> 01:04:54.980
Here are your activations this week.

1038
01:04:55.280 --> 01:04:57.940
Number one, permission slip, okay?

1039
01:04:58.100 --> 01:04:59.820
If you've already filled this out.

1040
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.600
want you to go ahead and hang that up. I want you to be praying the prayer on that over

1041
01:05:04.680 --> 01:05:08.860
yourself. I would love for you to do this on a daily basis, y'all. This isn't about

1042
01:05:08.900 --> 01:05:13.480
a religious duty, okay? But I just want you to continue to partner with this Supernatural

1043
01:05:13.500 --> 01:05:17.980
Surrender Prayer, and that's going to help you just really posture your mind and your

1044
01:05:17.980 --> 01:05:22.560
heart in that place every day. Number two is that Jesus Cares Board I talked to you

1045
01:05:22.560 --> 01:05:27.400
about earlier. When you finish it, or even when you start it, some of you all need to

1046
01:05:27.400 --> 01:05:32.380
just celebrate that you've started it, and that's okay too. Go ahead and take a picture

1047
01:05:32.380 --> 01:05:36.900
of that and post that in the group in the Last Year Single app under the Community tab.

1048
01:05:37.220 --> 01:05:41.600
Would love to see that there. And then I want to encourage you all, I already put the activation

1049
01:05:41.600 --> 01:05:45.940
post up this afternoon, so you all will see it. If you go into the Last Year Single app,

1050
01:05:45.980 --> 01:05:50.160
if you click on the Announcements tab, you'll see it right there, okay? I put it up this

1051
01:05:51.020 --> 01:05:56.120
afternoon, or earlier this evening. And I want you all, as you're looking at your Jesus

1052
01:05:56.120 --> 01:06:00.600
Cares Board, this is written in there. Every couple days, just kind of take a glance at

1053
01:06:00.600 --> 01:06:05.180
your board and thank Jesus for working in every one of those cares that you're casting

1054
01:06:05.180 --> 01:06:13.980
on Him, okay? And number three, morning and evening surrender moments, okay? And I want

1055
01:06:13.980 --> 01:06:17.280
to encourage you all to try to do this before you get out of bed, but if you forget, just

1056
01:06:17.280 --> 01:06:22.240
do it whenever you remember. And again, this isn't about, you know, religion. There's grace

1057
01:06:22.240 --> 01:06:26.200
in this, but this is just ideas for you. Before you get out of bed, I always encourage

1058
01:06:26.200 --> 01:06:30.520
people to place your hand on your heart. This is like a connection point between you and

1059
01:06:30.520 --> 01:06:37.120
the Lord, and that you would ask, Holy Spirit, what am I trying to control today that belongs

1060
01:06:37.120 --> 01:06:45.720
to you? Then speak out, I surrender my need to control whatever it is today. Then before

1061
01:06:45.720 --> 01:06:52.560
you go to bed at night, same kind of hand on your heart posture. Lord, was there anything

1062
01:06:52.560 --> 01:06:56.540
that I picked back up today that I haven't given to you, or that I had already given

1063
01:06:56.540 --> 01:07:03.060
to you? And then re-surrender it back to Him. Jesus, I place whatever it is, whoever it

1064
01:07:02.920 --> 01:07:08.960
is, back in your hands today. And so I actively did this with the ladies this afternoon, and

1065
01:07:09.060 --> 01:07:16.920
I just said, Lord, did I pick Michaela back up? That's my spiritual daughter. That's the

1066
01:07:16.920 --> 01:07:21.660
one I was talking about earlier. I know I've surrendered her to you before, but Lord, even

1067
01:07:21.660 --> 01:07:25.640
hearing the things that she struggles with, man, sometimes I just pick that burden back

1068
01:07:25.640 --> 01:07:32.540
up and I feel the weight of that. And so Jesus, I just place Michaela Scott back in your hands

1069
01:07:32.540 --> 01:07:39.340
tonight. And I thank you that you've got her and you're not going to let her go. And

1070
01:07:39.340 --> 01:07:44.000
so I just want y'all to see, like, we can all actively partner with this on a daily

1071
01:07:43.940 --> 01:07:49.920
basis. Okay. Super important. All right. If you want to share what you shared in the breakout

1072
01:07:49.920 --> 01:07:55.260
session, or you have a question about the heartwork or any of the things, it's all right,

1073
01:07:55.560 --> 01:07:59.620
but you can go ahead and put your hand up and we will have some time of group coaching.

1074
01:07:59.620 --> 01:08:04.700
And then we'll see where the Lord leads us tonight. Catherine Clark, go ahead.

1075
01:08:09.900 --> 01:08:15.340
Okay, I unmuted. Um, yeah, no, this is a big one. And this has been like,

1076
01:08:15.340 --> 01:08:21.160
laid on my heart, obviously, besides the fact that I'm at the point where God's got to pick

1077
01:08:21.160 --> 01:08:28.720
my husband this time. I saw what it did the last time not doing that. And I never want

1078
01:08:28.720 --> 01:08:34.779
to go through a divorce again. And with that brought up, dealt, I've dealt with this health

1079
01:08:34.779 --> 01:08:42.939
issue because of my divorce. And I do believe, um, a sister in Christ of mine that she definitely

1080
01:08:42.939 --> 01:08:48.399
hears from the Lord. And she's definitely telling me that this health concern, it's

1081
01:08:48.399 --> 01:08:53.340
not the root. So there's something underneath I got to get to that I will be released to

1082
01:08:53.340 --> 01:08:59.899
this health condition. And it is my obesity disease. I know I don't look at right now,

1083
01:09:00.020 --> 01:09:08.040
but I'm really scared that I'm skinny fat, meaning my fat and muscle ratio is terribly

1084
01:09:07.979 --> 01:09:15.939
off. Um, I saw weights, because, um, you know, every everything with like the divorce and

1085
01:09:15.840 --> 01:09:21.479
everything. I've seen weights on the scale, I never wanted to see this summer. And I never

1086
01:09:21.479 --> 01:09:27.100
should have asked my doctor to prescribe a GLP one medication for me. Now the health

1087
01:09:27.100 --> 01:09:31.800
insurance I had when I was on Long Island in New York covered it without a problem. There

1088
01:09:31.800 --> 01:09:40.540
was no issues whatsoever. Um, knew that it could increase depression, suicide things. And

1089
01:09:40.540 --> 01:09:45.979
that should have been a clue just that alone. Don't touch the stuff. But I did it anyway,

1090
01:09:46.000 --> 01:09:49.920
out of desperation, and I wish I didn't. And then there's the fact of it destroys your

1091
01:09:50.600 --> 01:09:57.360
it can destroy your thyroid because they say you risk the chance of thyroid cancer. And

1092
01:09:57.360 --> 01:09:59.980
obviously, it's messing with your hormones if it's doing with that

1093
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.220
GLP, whatever that hormone is, as well. So now that I've moved

1094
01:10:05.380 --> 01:10:10.340
upstate August 19, the health insurances up here give me a

1095
01:10:10.340 --> 01:10:13.760
fight about covering it, even though the previous one was

1096
01:10:13.760 --> 01:10:18.120
covering it. And I was on it, and they just want to rip me

1097
01:10:18.120 --> 01:10:21.780
off, like it wasn't gently getting off or anything. And now

1098
01:10:21.780 --> 01:10:25.980
I feel like I have to take in so much caffeine taken so much

1099
01:10:25.980 --> 01:10:30.140
amine lens, barely eat anything or eat all this protein or eat

1100
01:10:30.700 --> 01:10:35.100
just to maintain my weight. And I still have a little bit more,

1101
01:10:35.580 --> 01:10:40.960
even if I had to settle with the upper 130s. And I can't have my

1102
01:10:40.960 --> 01:10:46.640
perfect 120 that I would love as a weight. I'm like, I feel like

1103
01:10:46.640 --> 01:10:50.340
I'm begging God, like I will, I will take the upper 130s just

1104
01:10:50.340 --> 01:10:55.060
please get me down to that at least. So I'm not overweight

1105
01:10:55.060 --> 01:10:58.720
anymore. Because from my height and everything, anything over

1106
01:10:58.860 --> 01:11:04.280
144 pounds is overweight. And just all of it. It's just it's

1107
01:11:04.280 --> 01:11:08.040
draining me. It's all I could think about like food. And we're

1108
01:11:08.040 --> 01:11:12.020
entering a very eating holiday. And I know I had my church

1109
01:11:12.020 --> 01:11:16.280
Thanksgiving feast and then with my students and, and I can't even

1110
01:11:16.280 --> 01:11:22.780
enjoy food at all. Because I feel like my weight is so out of

1111
01:11:23.010 --> 01:11:27.690
control. And then I'm like, I'm like, I wish God would reveal to

1112
01:11:27.690 --> 01:11:32.010
my to this friend of mine, what is this underlying condition of

1113
01:11:32.010 --> 01:11:34.770
why my body is holding on to this weight? Like, what is the

1114
01:11:34.990 --> 01:11:39.250
emotional underlying condition that I'm healed to that it will

1115
01:11:39.250 --> 01:11:42.910
just flow off my body? Because I believe it's that.

1116
01:11:43.630 --> 01:11:47.630
Let me ask you a question. So number one, I would love some

1117
01:11:47.630 --> 01:11:51.530
ladies, maybe it's not exactly everything that she said. But if

1118
01:11:51.530 --> 01:11:56.110
you all have ever struggled with body image, or weight or

1119
01:11:56.270 --> 01:11:59.470
whatever, let's just support her in the chat. Like just say me

1120
01:11:59.470 --> 01:12:02.810
too, if that has ever been a thing for you, foods a struggle,

1121
01:12:03.530 --> 01:12:06.270
you know, you can, if I have everybody raise your digital

1122
01:12:06.270 --> 01:12:08.450
hands, and I'll lose all my people that want to actually

1123
01:12:08.450 --> 01:12:11.550
share about some things. And so just support your sister,

1124
01:12:11.810 --> 01:12:14.250
because this is real stuff while she's talking about some

1125
01:12:14.250 --> 01:12:17.190
different, you know, things and, and medicines that the doctor

1126
01:12:17.190 --> 01:12:21.250
had her on. But one of the things that I think is really

1127
01:12:21.250 --> 01:12:27.970
important, Catherine, and anybody else, look at what is

1128
01:12:28.270 --> 01:12:33.570
underneath the fear, if we gain weight, what is the lies that we

1129
01:12:34.170 --> 01:12:40.890
hear? And where are those coming from? And really allowing the

1130
01:12:40.890 --> 01:12:45.130
Lord to come in and heal those areas. So Catherine, what is

1131
01:12:45.130 --> 01:12:50.410
what are some of the lies that you hear, if you are above 130?

1132
01:12:50.410 --> 01:12:52.210
Because that seems to be something that you're saying

1133
01:12:52.210 --> 01:12:54.350
there. So let's just start there.

1134
01:12:55.370 --> 01:12:59.370
A big one is that no guy could possibly love me overweight.

1135
01:13:00.150 --> 01:13:06.310
Another one is, I can't physically do anything. Because

1136
01:13:06.310 --> 01:13:12.350
when I was between 200 and 210 pounds, I had a very hard time

1137
01:13:12.350 --> 01:13:16.850
chasing my son. He's got ADHD. He's got autism. And it's true.

1138
01:13:16.850 --> 01:13:20.570
Can God heal of that? Oh, absolutely. I've watched a kid

1139
01:13:20.970 --> 01:13:25.110
that was shy of turning 10 years old become and be a part of him

1140
01:13:25.110 --> 01:13:29.130
becoming born again. And then man did God bloom, despite him

1141
01:13:29.130 --> 01:13:31.670
having autism. I'd say he was basically healing him once he

1142
01:13:31.670 --> 01:13:33.990
was born again. He was flying through academics like no

1143
01:13:33.910 --> 01:13:38.530
tomorrow. But my son's got that ADHD, and to be able to keep up

1144
01:13:38.530 --> 01:13:40.810
with him. And then I was struggling with keeping up with

1145
01:13:40.810 --> 01:13:45.250
his peers at work. And then like, what if the kid drops on

1146
01:13:45.250 --> 01:13:48.670
Okay, so we're gonna dial in. It's okay. I just want to help

1147
01:13:48.670 --> 01:13:52.250
you dial in on what the lies are, though. Okay, so the lie

1148
01:13:52.250 --> 01:13:57.150
number one is no guy could ever love me overweight. But let's

1149
01:13:57.150 --> 01:14:02.290
get to the core. When is the first time you remember as much

1150
01:14:02.290 --> 01:14:05.230
as you can, that you believed that lie?

1151
01:14:06.610 --> 01:14:10.130
It probably has to do with my son's dad. Because he would make

1152
01:14:10.290 --> 01:14:14.650
the nastiest comments. It probably goes back to that, too.

1153
01:14:14.650 --> 01:14:20.150
Hey, did you ever first guy I married? Okay, did you ever hear

1154
01:14:20.150 --> 01:14:23.290
anything growing up about your body and weight? Did anybody

1155
01:14:23.290 --> 01:14:25.010
make any kind of comments?

1156
01:14:27.270 --> 01:14:30.090
And then there's probably that too, where I think my dad

1157
01:14:30.090 --> 01:14:34.090
probably I think because like he grew up as that kid. He was

1158
01:14:34.090 --> 01:14:37.770
trying to help I get it. But I think he would say when you

1159
01:14:38.210 --> 01:14:41.910
What do you mean by that? He grew up as a kid overweight?

1160
01:14:42.630 --> 01:14:46.310
Right? That I think because he grew up and he would tell me he

1161
01:14:46.310 --> 01:14:50.670
was overweight as a kid. I think he worried about it for me. So I

1162
01:14:50.670 --> 01:14:53.830
think that if I'm remembering correctly, that they were

1163
01:14:53.890 --> 01:14:57.370
comments he would say to like, maybe you don't want to eat that

1164
01:14:57.370 --> 01:14:59.970
much or like watch what you eat or because he

1165
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.060
Didn't want me to go through what he went through that way as a kid

1166
01:15:04.560 --> 01:15:10.220
So I probably heard it even far back is that and that i've always been told through him

1167
01:15:10.580 --> 01:15:11.860
It's in our genes

1168
01:15:12.320 --> 01:15:14.560
And then there's that even though I know

1169
01:15:16.460 --> 01:15:20.460
So do you see how we're getting to the court ladies, oh, yeah, this is

1170
01:15:20.860 --> 01:15:27.380
Really important. Okay. So catherine how your friend is saying that it's not just about the way

1171
01:15:27.380 --> 01:15:31.520
Yes, that is something that god wants all of us to be healthy in our bodies

1172
01:15:31.520 --> 01:15:37.280
He wants us to be good stewards of our bodies. Okay, but it's important for you to also

1173
01:15:37.520 --> 01:15:41.000
Really get to the root of what's going on on the inside

1174
01:15:41.840 --> 01:15:43.400
What's going on in your heart?

1175
01:15:43.520 --> 01:15:49.960
And what's going on in your mind remember earlier? I even started the session tonight god. Is this your thought?

1176
01:15:50.360 --> 01:15:55.320
Is this a thought from the enemy or is this the thought you know that I have that I picked up from somewhere?

1177
01:15:55.320 --> 01:15:58.540
That either it does align with truth or it doesn't

1178
01:15:58.800 --> 01:16:04.000
And we're really starting to get to okay the root. So I want you to take some time this week

1179
01:16:04.000 --> 01:16:06.320
Let's just start with that first lie. Okay?

1180
01:16:06.820 --> 01:16:08.500
Because it's not true

1181
01:16:08.800 --> 01:16:10.600
Okay, i'm just telling you now

1182
01:16:10.680 --> 01:16:12.520
I thought for sure

1183
01:16:12.840 --> 01:16:18.140
I'm, like god. I don't think i'm ready to meet my spirit mate right now because I need to lose some more weight

1184
01:16:18.140 --> 01:16:19.940
I literally said that to the lord

1185
01:16:20.280 --> 01:16:21.720
But you want to know what?

1186
01:16:22.320 --> 01:16:24.100
Literally four months later. I met brian

1187
01:16:25.060 --> 01:16:26.980
Wow, okay, so

1188
01:16:27.000 --> 01:16:30.820
It's not about like it doesn't mean that I don't care

1189
01:16:31.080 --> 01:16:33.640
About being fit and all the things

1190
01:16:33.640 --> 01:16:37.000
But god showed me very very quickly

1191
01:16:37.600 --> 01:16:38.400
that

1192
01:16:39.220 --> 01:16:44.000
You know when it's the right timing and the right person

1193
01:16:44.400 --> 01:16:47.660
They're gonna love you. Okay now ladies

1194
01:16:47.660 --> 01:16:53.260
I'm not saying to go so far the other way where we are just like any guy should just love me

1195
01:16:53.260 --> 01:16:57.120
However, I am because some of us get like that, too

1196
01:16:57.240 --> 01:17:02.260
And we shouldn't be like that. We should want to take care of ourselves. Okay, and so

1197
01:17:02.640 --> 01:17:05.520
Catherine this week. I really you know this week

1198
01:17:05.520 --> 01:17:10.180
I know it's thanksgiving but I would like you to be praying into that and really ask the lord remember

1199
01:17:10.180 --> 01:17:11.900
We're not trying to shovel

1200
01:17:11.900 --> 01:17:17.820
Get a shovel out and dig but I am asking you to ask the lord to reveal to you

1201
01:17:18.080 --> 01:17:18.860
You know

1202
01:17:19.060 --> 01:17:24.220
What are some of the things what are some of the things that you heard growing up about your body?

1203
01:17:24.340 --> 01:17:29.700
You you started even sharing at the end there that you were told this is just a part of your genes

1204
01:17:30.080 --> 01:17:36.040
Okay, so is that what god has to say about you? Not what did your parents say?

1205
01:17:36.420 --> 01:17:39.980
What is but i'm saying you need god's truth to replace that

1206
01:17:40.620 --> 01:17:42.620
Okay, so this is one of them

1207
01:17:43.460 --> 01:17:49.300
Well one of the truths with that that I know and I know it's a matter of getting it from here to the heart

1208
01:17:49.300 --> 01:17:51.900
So I feel it from in here and I walk it out

1209
01:17:52.680 --> 01:17:53.160
is

1210
01:17:53.660 --> 01:17:58.440
Even if that's in the family genes, i'm born again. I'm a new creation

1211
01:17:59.360 --> 01:18:02.880
Yes, that means there's no issues in my dna's whatsoever

1212
01:18:03.280 --> 01:18:08.640
Because that's the probably the biggest lie and the longest lie when it comes to my weight is I would always believe

1213
01:18:09.120 --> 01:18:16.400
There's something medically wrong with me. It's my thyroid. It's my hormones. It's my i'm always thinking there's something wrong with me

1214
01:18:16.400 --> 01:18:19.540
But then i'm a new creation in christ. There's nothing wrong with me

1215
01:18:19.860 --> 01:18:20.340
so

1216
01:18:20.620 --> 01:18:28.040
I definitely feel like I got to work that out this week and I want that on my heart and then i'm walking out that

1217
01:18:28.660 --> 01:18:34.060
That's right. And and and I think just you're on the right track. Let's just keep going in that direction

1218
01:18:34.060 --> 01:18:39.400
Okay, and it doesn't mean again that you can't care and I think it's great that you want to physically be able to

1219
01:18:39.440 --> 01:18:45.140
Be active and be there, you know be able to physically be able to do the things you needed to do with your son

1220
01:18:45.140 --> 01:18:51.960
I think that's a great goal. Um, but let's make sure the core of your heart is getting the healing that it needs

1221
01:18:51.960 --> 01:18:58.720
So that we don't go into you know, you start start stepping into dating at some point when you're done with the heart work

1222
01:18:58.720 --> 01:19:04.960
And you're hearing all these lies surface out of you know, these body image issues that are at the core

1223
01:19:05.640 --> 01:19:09.760
Underneath the surface there. So great job on sharing really appreciate you

1224
01:19:10.780 --> 01:19:14.060
Um pray into the things that your dad said when you were younger

1225
01:19:14.060 --> 01:19:19.460
You definitely mentioned that and and maybe anything else that might come from from those things

1226
01:19:19.720 --> 01:19:23.140
Uh, and then if you know, there were things that your son's dad said, of course

1227
01:19:23.140 --> 01:19:28.460
But let's start at the root and let god heal that and we'll see what else happens from there. Okay?

1228
01:19:28.720 --> 01:19:34.220
A hundred percent and that's what I want because I know it's about the root of why the weight is not budget

1229
01:19:34.520 --> 01:19:35.660
Goes down to that

1230
01:19:35.660 --> 01:19:41.600
So I I do believe that that sister was hearing from god and get the root and then it would it would just work out

1231
01:19:43.080 --> 01:19:48.040
Yeah, I love it. Look forward to hearing some wins on that. Thank you so much. Shakira. Go ahead

1232
01:19:52.140 --> 01:19:53.020
Hi, hello

1233
01:19:53.020 --> 01:19:59.980
I'm gonna have my camera off for just a little bit. But um, i'm glad to be back glad to see everyone

1234
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:06.540
one. My question is for the healing. I think one of the things that I have to surrender

1235
01:20:06.540 --> 01:20:14.340
and you kind of talked about was how you want to heal and you feel like you have to work

1236
01:20:14.340 --> 01:20:25.860
at it, but you have to let God do the healing. And that's been really difficult for me. And

1237
01:20:25.860 --> 01:20:31.040
I know that there's a lot of people who have been in this part of the program longer than

1238
01:20:31.280 --> 01:20:39.860
the five weeks. And I guess if you have any tips, sometimes it's just been frustrating.

1239
01:20:41.040 --> 01:20:45.240
And it feels like I feel like I can't get out of my own way.

1240
01:20:48.320 --> 01:20:50.880
So tell me when that kicks in the most for you.

1241
01:20:51.980 --> 01:21:03.340
I think when I get frustrated in other areas of my life and I realize that, say, for instance,

1242
01:21:03.900 --> 01:21:12.240
when I was growing up, education was a really big thing in my household. So instead of worrying

1243
01:21:12.380 --> 01:21:20.440
about, you know, like having a spouse or getting married or having kids, I was so focused on

1244
01:21:20.440 --> 01:21:26.540
getting into the college I wanted and having a nice career. And those things have happened.

1245
01:21:26.860 --> 01:21:37.040
And I realized that they don't satisfy. And I feel like I wasted time by being so focused

1246
01:21:37.600 --> 01:21:47.000
on career and school instead of relationships and how to heal and be better.

1247
01:21:47.000 --> 01:21:59.200
I did put an emphasis on friendship. I think my parents didn't have a great marriage and

1248
01:21:59.200 --> 01:22:06.960
they eventually got divorced. So friendship was kind of almost became an idol to me. But

1249
01:22:06.960 --> 01:22:13.160
the other thing was school and stuff like that. So I feel like I kind of wasted time.

1250
01:22:14.040 --> 01:22:22.760
And then now I'm in my job and it hasn't been that satisfactory. And then just the times,

1251
01:22:22.820 --> 01:22:30.680
I guess, when I'm alone and I feel like I should feel closer to God because I have more

1252
01:22:30.680 --> 01:22:38.600
time to be with him. But then instead, I don't feel closer to God. And I kind of feel,

1253
01:22:46.340 --> 01:22:51.700
I don't, I guess, almost like self-pity, if that makes sense.

1254
01:22:54.100 --> 01:22:59.980
So when you say, okay, so when I asked, like, how sometimes you struggle to get out of your

1255
01:22:59.980 --> 01:23:04.280
own way, when I said, when does this normally kick in for you? And you start talking about

1256
01:23:04.280 --> 01:23:09.020
schooling and things like that. Is that something right now? I can't remember if you're in school

1257
01:23:09.020 --> 01:23:12.000
right now, or is this something from the past?

1258
01:23:13.860 --> 01:23:23.860
So the school is something from the past. I am in my job. And right now, my job, I feel like

1259
01:23:23.860 --> 01:23:31.100
I've been in it for about five years. And I haven't been enjoying it. I tried

1260
01:23:31.400 --> 01:23:38.240
seeing if I could maybe move around in the job. And that didn't happen. And then I finally got

1261
01:23:38.680 --> 01:23:47.460
something that I have a little bit of funding for, but I enjoy it. But I'm not like the best

1262
01:23:47.460 --> 01:23:56.720
at it. So there's just a lot of information to know about it. And I was freaking out. I did

1263
01:23:56.720 --> 01:24:02.240
mention that there was a possibility of going back to school. But there was like a big commitment,

1264
01:24:02.440 --> 01:24:06.220
like, if I went back to school, then I have to stay with the company for three years.

1265
01:24:06.560 --> 01:24:13.780
So I decided not to do that, again, because of the hard work. So just, I guess, the pressure

1266
01:24:13.780 --> 01:24:23.080
of like, I'm trying to do well in a job that I'm not really even enjoying. And then I'm not,

1267
01:24:23.460 --> 01:24:29.600
you know, married, I don't have kids. So I'm, I've almost I know that nothing's wasted.

1268
01:24:30.100 --> 01:24:38.340
But it almost feels like wasted time. Because I'm, there's like nothing I'm really looking forward to

1269
01:24:39.800 --> 01:24:41.180
in my life right now.

1270
01:24:42.400 --> 01:24:47.080
So is that why it feels like wasted time? Because you're not enjoying it? Or is there

1271
01:24:47.280 --> 01:24:52.600
an internal lie and dialogue that's causing you to believe that it's wasted time?

1272
01:24:57.640 --> 01:24:59.960
Maybe both. Like,

1273
01:25:00.680 --> 01:25:01.240
It's

1274
01:25:02.420 --> 01:25:07.180
Because I guess in my head I'm like, okay, so I'm working at this job

1275
01:25:07.240 --> 01:25:12.180
I'm not really enjoying it, but I need to work to live and then

1276
01:25:12.460 --> 01:25:15.280
the the healings taking so long

1277
01:25:16.180 --> 01:25:22.760
I'm you know, I'm not married. I'm I'm not having kids unless I get married and

1278
01:25:24.760 --> 01:25:29.580
and I don't like where I'm living and I know God moved me up here because

1279
01:25:30.000 --> 01:25:31.780
Where I was living before

1280
01:25:31.900 --> 01:25:35.440
Even though it's like one of my favorite places in the world

1281
01:25:35.820 --> 01:25:40.480
My family was just not healthy. So I know God moved me

1282
01:25:41.180 --> 01:25:42.400
up here

1283
01:25:42.540 --> 01:25:43.680
to heal

1284
01:25:45.200 --> 01:25:46.400
It's just

1285
01:25:47.020 --> 01:25:54.800
You know when when everything just seems so it's not there's like what what light do you look at?

1286
01:25:54.840 --> 01:25:59.280
I do have a better church community now, which is great

1287
01:25:59.280 --> 01:26:06.260
And I'm starting to learn that's a light to look at. Okay. Yeah, one of the things I want to say here, too

1288
01:26:06.260 --> 01:26:10.360
I think sometimes ladies we have this idea, you know, I

1289
01:26:11.620 --> 01:26:13.260
Don't know if you all ever heard this but there you know

1290
01:26:13.260 --> 01:26:15.380
A lot of people be like there's a light at the end of the tunnel

1291
01:26:15.680 --> 01:26:18.960
Look for the light at the end of the tunnel and years ago

1292
01:26:19.140 --> 01:26:24.080
I would get frustrated because I would feel like the light was so far away and

1293
01:26:24.800 --> 01:26:29.560
I was in the middle of the tunnel and my perception was that the tunnel was dark

1294
01:26:29.860 --> 01:26:34.000
And there wasn't a lot going on there and then God one day

1295
01:26:34.020 --> 01:26:38.320
Reminded me like Jesus was like I'm the light and I'm in you

1296
01:26:38.940 --> 01:26:43.080
There is literally like everywhere. I invite him to come

1297
01:26:43.180 --> 01:26:44.920
The light is there

1298
01:26:45.380 --> 01:26:50.980
When he started talking to me about that all of a sudden I realized oh my gosh

1299
01:26:50.980 --> 01:26:57.200
I don't gotta wait to get to the end of the tunnel to get to the light because the light literally is in the

1300
01:26:57.300 --> 01:26:59.980
Tunnel with me and so Shakira

1301
01:26:59.980 --> 01:27:05.480
I feel like part of the struggle is that you feel like you got to get down to the end of the tunnel you got

1302
01:27:05.480 --> 01:27:10.060
To find the person you gotta you gotta get the kids and and then you're gonna be happy

1303
01:27:10.060 --> 01:27:16.400
But you know what? Here's the reality if you don't learn how to find happiness and joy

1304
01:27:17.060 --> 01:27:18.620
Right where you are

1305
01:27:19.260 --> 01:27:25.160
Those things aren't gonna necessarily just make you happy. I mean, that's truth. Okay. So yeah

1306
01:27:25.160 --> 01:27:30.400
No, I I agree with that and I don't know how to get there. Well, I think you're on your way

1307
01:27:30.600 --> 01:27:37.160
I think you're on your way. It's it's more like asking the Lord to reveal to you

1308
01:27:37.580 --> 01:27:41.780
Lord, what what steals my joy? Is

1309
01:27:41.780 --> 01:27:43.160
It that you who?

1310
01:27:43.540 --> 01:27:47.960
Haven't and this is stuff I've had to work through so I want you to know I know it's not easy

1311
01:27:47.960 --> 01:27:50.520
but I think this is gonna really help you I

1312
01:27:51.680 --> 01:27:58.420
Remember when people would you know sing about like, you know joy of their salvation and all just you know

1313
01:27:58.420 --> 01:28:03.080
joyful people just naturally and I'd be like I'd actually feel frustrated because I would be like

1314
01:28:03.080 --> 01:28:07.280
How are they like that? Cuz I don't feel like that, but I wanted to feel like that

1315
01:28:07.800 --> 01:28:11.980
And so there came a time where you know, the more I healed

1316
01:28:12.620 --> 01:28:19.620
And God started just teaching me more about just this deep abiding joy that I'd heard about and

1317
01:28:20.300 --> 01:28:25.860
It wasn't it wasn't like, you know again the orphan mentalities make us think we got to strive

1318
01:28:25.860 --> 01:28:30.020
We got a stretch for this stuff and we might not even be able to get a hold of it

1319
01:28:31.720 --> 01:28:34.480
Because maybe that's not even meant for us

1320
01:28:34.700 --> 01:28:38.020
There's these internal dialogues that we have going on

1321
01:28:39.380 --> 01:28:41.280
and God showed me like

1322
01:28:42.520 --> 01:28:47.660
Literally he just the gate was open like I could just go in and eat if you will of the joy

1323
01:28:47.660 --> 01:28:55.320
I could go in and receive his fullness and and allow that to come in and and permeate so much on the inside of me

1324
01:28:56.060 --> 01:29:01.680
Y'all and this is this is literally stuff that happened and the more that I spent time

1325
01:29:01.920 --> 01:29:08.940
Understanding and growing in the love of the father. I know I talk about this a lot y'all but this is really what changed me

1326
01:29:10.080 --> 01:29:16.300
When I started understanding that I was not an orphan I was never an orphan

1327
01:29:18.100 --> 01:29:25.700
Even though my dad left when I was a baby didn't want anything to do with me pretty much my entire life

1328
01:29:28.940 --> 01:29:36.480
My mom did I think the best that she could but checked out a lot

1329
01:29:37.480 --> 01:29:39.440
Emotionally was unavailable

1330
01:29:40.300 --> 01:29:47.080
so I grew up feeling abandoned and neglected but the reality is is I was never an

1331
01:29:48.120 --> 01:29:52.720
orphan because I was always the father's and

1332
01:29:52.720 --> 01:29:57.280
I really do believe Shakira. That is gonna be a game-changer for you

1333
01:29:58.120 --> 01:29:59.980
Really asking God to help

1334
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:07.860
help you understand that you are loved. You are not on the outside. God wants to help

1335
01:30:07.880 --> 01:30:16.020
you step into these blessings. He wants to deliver you from, you said it, this feeling

1336
01:30:16.020 --> 01:30:20.100
like when you're alone, you feel like you should be closer to God. There's this striving

1337
01:30:20.100 --> 01:30:24.280
happening in you. You're at this job trying to work the job that you just really don't

1338
01:30:24.280 --> 01:30:29.380
even enjoy, but feeling like you got to be there and you got to do that. Maybe it's just

1339
01:30:29.380 --> 01:30:39.740
learning how to let God lead you into what is it like to be alone and not feel like you

1340
01:30:39.740 --> 01:30:44.800
have to do something for God to feel close to you. Does that make sense?

1341
01:30:46.100 --> 01:30:46.580
Yeah.

1342
01:30:47.040 --> 01:30:51.180
That you don't have to strive for his love. You don't have to strive for his affirmation.

1343
01:30:51.300 --> 01:30:56.960
You don't have to strive for his affection towards you. He has affection towards you

1344
01:30:56.960 --> 01:31:03.780
right now. Even if you never did, y'all, this is truth. Even if you never, Shakira or anyone

1345
01:31:03.780 --> 01:31:13.360
else, even if we never did anything else for the Lord, his love for us is the same. That's

1346
01:31:13.360 --> 01:31:18.800
why he did the example of he literally came down before Jesus ever did anything and he

1347
01:31:19.040 --> 01:31:29.120
publicly acknowledged Jesus as his son. So the truth is the same for us. Now out of the overflow

1348
01:31:29.120 --> 01:31:36.080
of our love, we want to serve. We want to be a part of the community. We want to be a disciple,

1349
01:31:37.780 --> 01:31:45.040
but getting in the core that he wants you to experience his love, his joy, his fullness,

1350
01:31:45.040 --> 01:31:48.260
and wants you to know like you don't have to perform for that.

1351
01:31:50.380 --> 01:31:54.720
And so I'm not sure that that's the question you were asking, but that's what I feel led to

1352
01:31:54.720 --> 01:32:01.400
talk to you about is the really praying into, okay, Lord, where is the orphan mentalities

1353
01:32:01.500 --> 01:32:08.320
and these limiting beliefs causing me to feel like I've wasted all this time and I've messed

1354
01:32:08.320 --> 01:32:14.700
something up like so bad that you can't fix it. Because even though that's not what you're saying,

1355
01:32:14.700 --> 01:32:20.720
when we say things like I've wasted all this time and now here I am and we feel like it's

1356
01:32:20.720 --> 01:32:27.680
so far away, it's like we kind of put ourselves in this prison area where we've just messed up

1357
01:32:27.680 --> 01:32:35.280
so bad and we've lost all this time and God, I don't even know if you can fix this. Does that

1358
01:32:35.280 --> 01:32:43.180
make sense? Yeah. Actually, it's interesting that you said that because this year I got into a new

1359
01:32:43.340 --> 01:32:51.460
after being in a bad situation. I was telling Amanda. And so the thing I felt God telling me

1360
01:32:51.460 --> 01:32:57.680
to do or maybe just because of past experiences is not to jump in right away, not to serve.

1361
01:32:57.920 --> 01:33:03.840
And that's been really hard. And even when I didn't tell people that I've served in the past,

1362
01:33:04.040 --> 01:33:13.020
I kept getting asked to serve and I kept having to say no and I felt not great. And then I was like,

1363
01:33:13.020 --> 01:33:23.180
maybe I don't feel joy because I'm not serving. And so it's been hard because I'm just like this.

1364
01:33:24.320 --> 01:33:31.240
And you did ask me how many days I was going to church and I was going to church about

1365
01:33:31.800 --> 01:33:41.440
three to four days a week and I cut it down to three days a week. I don't know if that's still

1366
01:33:41.440 --> 01:33:48.480
much, but I because I feel peaceful when I'm at church. Like one of my new friends is

1367
01:33:49.200 --> 01:33:56.040
the associate pastor. So they want me to be at things and it's hard for me. I'm used to showing

1368
01:33:56.040 --> 01:34:01.620
up and being at church and I feel peace when I'm there. And then when I'm at home, I feel like I'm

1369
01:34:01.620 --> 01:34:09.620
tormenting myself. So here's the thing. I'm not saying to you, don't go to church. What I'm saying

1370
01:34:09.620 --> 01:34:18.200
to you is you can't get your identity from going to church. Does that? You can't. God doesn't want

1371
01:34:18.200 --> 01:34:23.480
us to get our identity from serving. He doesn't want us to get our identity from a job. He wants

1372
01:34:23.480 --> 01:34:30.900
us to get our identity from him. And I think that's why the Lord has been nudging you to not

1373
01:34:30.900 --> 01:34:37.420
say yes. That's why I even felt led to say to you, Hey, like, is this striving? Is this you trying,

1374
01:34:37.420 --> 01:34:43.440
you know, because you want to know like deep in your knower that, you know, again,

1375
01:34:43.480 --> 01:34:50.900
whether you serve or don't serve, that you matter to God and you matter to people. And yeah, I mean,

1376
01:34:50.780 --> 01:34:59.980
sure. I Brian and I pastor a church. I can tell you that we, we really are so grateful for.

1377
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.180
our friends that can come and serve and help us, y'all, because we've got, we've got a little team

1378
01:35:05.180 --> 01:35:10.400
and we need a lot of people to help us. But at the end of the day, if I knew my friend was

1379
01:35:10.480 --> 01:35:16.800
struggling and needing to really figure out their worth in Christ without doing anything,

1380
01:35:17.300 --> 01:35:25.160
that is more important to me than anything they could do to help us, genuinely. And so I think

1381
01:35:25.160 --> 01:35:30.120
you even having a real conversation with your friends about this will be a good thing.

1382
01:35:31.940 --> 01:35:36.580
And I, I mean, yeah, I did have a conversation with, with one of them,

1383
01:35:37.000 --> 01:35:45.000
um, because there was, there was one day where they wanted me to help out with the evangelist

1384
01:35:45.000 --> 01:35:48.820
team. Cause they're like, Oh, well you talk a lot and you're friendly. And I was like,

1385
01:35:48.820 --> 01:35:53.640
I can't do it right now. And it got to the point where he told me just go into the meeting,

1386
01:35:53.640 --> 01:35:58.700
you know, go into the meeting. And I sat in the meeting and I was so upset because I felt like I

1387
01:35:58.700 --> 01:36:05.620
wasn't there. And I cried and his wife saw me cry. And so I explained to her like what I felt like

1388
01:36:05.620 --> 01:36:11.200
God was doing. And she's like, Oh, well, I understand. Like we, you know, like we won't

1389
01:36:11.200 --> 01:36:18.240
ask. So she's always careful about like what she asked me to do, but I, I did get swept up.

1390
01:36:18.240 --> 01:36:26.400
They like the past, the senior pastor's wife, like asked me to do the Christmas play. And I,

1391
01:36:27.580 --> 01:36:31.200
I didn't say no, but I was like, maybe it's a one-off thing.

1392
01:36:32.200 --> 01:36:41.540
It's, it's about the Holy spirit. Okay. I really want that because I think that I remember

1393
01:36:42.640 --> 01:36:47.800
if I remember correctly what you said about your parents, you know, you were really struggling in

1394
01:36:47.800 --> 01:36:51.780
the beginning of heartwork with the things that they were saying to you. So what I don't want to

1395
01:36:51.780 --> 01:36:57.860
happen is that when, when you receive coaching from me, I don't want it to feel like legalistic.

1396
01:36:57.920 --> 01:37:05.720
Okay. I'm giving you ideas of ways to pray and navigate this as the Lord is trying to set you

1397
01:37:05.720 --> 01:37:12.420
free from getting your identity, from things that people say about you, about, you know, your job

1398
01:37:12.420 --> 01:37:19.520
and your school and having to feel like there's this level of perfectionism. If I remember correct,

1399
01:37:19.540 --> 01:37:25.200
these are all the things we've talked about before. Right. And so, you know, I don't want you

1400
01:37:25.200 --> 01:37:31.340
to hear something I'm saying and feeling like, I don't know if I'm doing this right there. I want

1401
01:37:31.340 --> 01:37:39.840
there to be freedom in this and grace. This is about you saying, Lord is, you know, would it be

1402
01:37:39.840 --> 01:37:46.180
good for me to do the children's play? Or is that something I should pause on too? Where it feels more

1403
01:37:46.180 --> 01:37:52.800
about you and the Lord having a conversation versus Bethany told me not to. Does that make sense?

1404
01:37:53.780 --> 01:38:00.100
Yeah. Because we don't want it to be about what a person is telling you to do. Now, some of you,

1405
01:38:00.320 --> 01:38:04.780
any, maybe all of you, you know, what can get tricky is we're like, well, I don't know if that's

1406
01:38:04.780 --> 01:38:13.580
Lord or not. Here's the thing. Do we think that if we make a mistake that God isn't big enough to help us

1407
01:38:14.960 --> 01:38:22.380
get redirected? He can help us. So I don't want us like, you know, someone said to me one time,

1408
01:38:22.620 --> 01:38:27.260
you know, are you afraid to get out of the boat because you're so afraid to make a mistake?

1409
01:38:27.340 --> 01:38:34.600
And I was like, oh yeah, this is years ago. And I was so glad that they asked me that because I

1410
01:38:34.600 --> 01:38:40.880
was kind of waiting and like hem-hawing. There was something I really felt led to do, but I was

1411
01:38:40.880 --> 01:38:48.200
so afraid that I was going to make the wrong step that I wasn't making any steps. And so that really

1412
01:38:48.200 --> 01:38:54.000
helped me, you know, Lord, what do you want me to do? And then I would just go for it, you know.

1413
01:38:54.720 --> 01:38:59.640
And, but if you are someone that leans towards, you just always get your identity from these

1414
01:38:59.640 --> 01:39:05.400
things and serving and jobs and titles. And, you know, there are most times the Lord is going to

1415
01:39:05.400 --> 01:39:09.960
lead us through season. I can say this because I've been through it where he's just like, hey,

1416
01:39:11.060 --> 01:39:15.620
I want you to tell that person, no, I want you to set a boundary here.

1417
01:39:15.880 --> 01:39:22.700
And I want you to grow in this because you have allowed people pleasing to lead you into

1418
01:39:22.760 --> 01:39:28.120
situations that get you into trouble. And so that's part of your growth process, Shakira,

1419
01:39:28.120 --> 01:39:35.840
but this is about you and the Lord growing, you asking him and it becoming fun, not legalistic.

1420
01:39:36.100 --> 01:39:40.560
Okay. This should feel, this should start to, the more that you heal should start to feel a little

1421
01:39:40.560 --> 01:39:48.820
bit lighter and a lot more free, but don't worry about, don't worry about if you're not there yet.

1422
01:39:49.140 --> 01:39:53.460
Okay. I know that can be tough. You said when I'm alone, I feel like I should be closer to God.

1423
01:39:53.460 --> 01:39:57.960
Well, maybe God's trying to teach you a new way of connecting with him.

1424
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:08.740
So again, just where you step into a lot more grace towards yourself and kindness in your process of healing and growth and and ladies, you know

1425
01:40:09.100 --> 01:40:15.780
We're not always gonna feel happy and light. Sometimes we're gonna have to muddle through these things

1426
01:40:16.140 --> 01:40:20.200
Until we get to the other side and we're like, oh

1427
01:40:20.500 --> 01:40:26.380
That's the joy Bethany was talking about on that coaching call or that's what it means to

1428
01:40:26.620 --> 01:40:28.680
Like know God is my father

1429
01:40:31.300 --> 01:40:35.780
You know and it takes time y'all I've been saved since 1998

1430
01:40:36.460 --> 01:40:38.240
That's a long time

1431
01:40:38.240 --> 01:40:44.200
So I've had a long time to grow in this understanding of God is my father

1432
01:40:45.480 --> 01:40:53.960
So don't compare yourself to me or other people give yourself grace and understand that it takes time

1433
01:40:54.940 --> 01:40:56.300
That's for everyone

1434
01:40:57.660 --> 01:41:02.480
And I hope that you don't look at I'm not I'm using myself as an example because I'm coaching tonight

1435
01:41:02.620 --> 01:41:06.700
But even other people in your life, you know, don't look always and compare yourself

1436
01:41:06.700 --> 01:41:09.900
Well, they pray like this and I don't pray like that. Well

1437
01:41:10.500 --> 01:41:15.080
We don't know how long they've had time to practice

1438
01:41:15.100 --> 01:41:15.600
right

1439
01:41:17.200 --> 01:41:20.960
So lots of grace Shakira practice practice practice grace

1440
01:41:20.960 --> 01:41:27.120
All right, maybe even maybe research some songs on grace I think that would be good

1441
01:41:27.500 --> 01:41:35.680
Okay. Yeah, and just let yourself kind of worship regarding grace and stuff in this next week and keep us posted on how this

1442
01:41:35.680 --> 01:41:36.240
Goes, okay

1443
01:41:36.660 --> 01:41:44.020
Okay, sounds good. Thank you. You're welcome. Love you. Love you, too. All right Bambi go ahead

1444
01:41:44.580 --> 01:41:47.900
Hi, can you hear me? Yep. Okay, great

1445
01:41:48.800 --> 01:41:50.780
so just to

1446
01:41:50.960 --> 01:41:54.060
first time on here to actually speak so

1447
01:41:54.240 --> 01:41:58.300
So much that I'm learning just by everybody else sharing. I can't even tell you

1448
01:41:58.980 --> 01:42:04.760
It just feels like I would say the first step for me is just hearing everybody else sharing

1449
01:42:04.920 --> 01:42:07.000
It makes me realize. Oh my gosh

1450
01:42:07.000 --> 01:42:14.280
I'm not the only one and I really believe the enemy wanted me to feel like I was the only one on the planet

1451
01:42:15.080 --> 01:42:18.960
That's going through something really challenging, especially during this time

1452
01:42:20.360 --> 01:42:23.200
But I would say besides

1453
01:42:24.020 --> 01:42:26.960
Especially this holidays seasons coming up

1454
01:42:26.960 --> 01:42:34.120
I'm really glad I found last year single because this is when I'm really weak. This is when I start to say yes to

1455
01:42:35.140 --> 01:42:36.500
dates and

1456
01:42:37.260 --> 01:42:41.940
Events that are worldly and secular and that I know are not going to

1457
01:42:43.460 --> 01:42:44.720
Pan out long-term

1458
01:42:45.120 --> 01:42:50.420
So I've been I feel like a nun because I've just been like going to church

1459
01:42:51.800 --> 01:42:52.800
pray meetings

1460
01:42:53.100 --> 01:42:57.960
Rallies this and that and always the single one always at the single table

1461
01:42:58.120 --> 01:43:03.760
With all the other single people and the single guys sitting next to me and I'm always in between and I'm always like, oh my gosh

1462
01:43:03.760 --> 01:43:08.380
Just someone comes in. I think are people gonna think that we're a couple or something like that, you know

1463
01:43:09.500 --> 01:43:10.000
But

1464
01:43:10.000 --> 01:43:11.760
Working on

1465
01:43:11.980 --> 01:43:12.900
cultivating friendships

1466
01:43:13.680 --> 01:43:17.780
For a long time. I was on the road missionary work and everything and now I for two years

1467
01:43:17.780 --> 01:43:22.800
I kind of feel like a single mom because never had children, but I feel like

1468
01:43:23.980 --> 01:43:28.320
a single mom being a caregiver here because I'm on I'm in Hawaii and

1469
01:43:28.880 --> 01:43:33.720
My siblings that are older are on the mainland and I've been here over two and a half years and they have not been here

1470
01:43:33.840 --> 01:43:35.480
To you know, just give me a break

1471
01:43:35.480 --> 01:43:43.020
But and we don't have any other caregivers because well, I have to say I'm very careful who I want in the care of my

1472
01:43:43.220 --> 01:43:44.460
mom and

1473
01:43:44.760 --> 01:43:49.540
Then she's a prayer warrior too. So spiritually she's right on point

1474
01:43:49.820 --> 01:43:56.180
But but dementia comes in waves and I just never know and she won't let us really

1475
01:43:56.180 --> 01:44:03.000
Have her medically examined anymore or anything like that. So I'm always just grasping at straws and going Lord

1476
01:44:03.000 --> 01:44:05.880
What what a how to what our am I dealing with right now?

1477
01:44:07.920 --> 01:44:11.120
But you know, she's usually happy-go-lucky and

1478
01:44:12.120 --> 01:44:14.480
laughing and fun and all of that

1479
01:44:15.060 --> 01:44:17.200
but it's just always

1480
01:44:18.100 --> 01:44:22.600
It's it's just I can't really go anywhere as far as like vacations and things like that

1481
01:44:23.160 --> 01:44:26.160
I can get a few hours away and and stuff but

1482
01:44:26.780 --> 01:44:29.220
But it just makes things

1483
01:44:29.220 --> 01:44:32.860
Hard in that way because I don't have anyone

1484
01:44:33.480 --> 01:44:36.540
To really bounce things off as far as in the family

1485
01:44:36.800 --> 01:44:42.540
Can't really go to my mom about things even like her trust in her will I'm trying to work on that getting that

1486
01:44:44.200 --> 01:44:45.160
situated and

1487
01:44:45.160 --> 01:44:52.420
Helping her with that, but it's been if she just keeps like put things off and so and then I helped her with things

1488
01:44:52.420 --> 01:44:57.520
Like, you know her ministry and she wrote a couple books and I helped her with her last book and all of that

1489
01:44:57.520 --> 01:44:59.760
And I was planning on going on talk shows and etc

1490
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:04.000
And then boom, boom, boom, the dementia episode.

1491
01:45:04.420 --> 01:45:09.460
And I was the chosen one because I wasn't married, no children, and she's going to do

1492
01:45:09.460 --> 01:45:09.600
it.

1493
01:45:09.620 --> 01:45:10.220
She's going to do it.

1494
01:45:10.520 --> 01:45:15.320
And I feel tricked because I'm like, I'm stuck on an island.

1495
01:45:16.560 --> 01:45:22.440
And it's like so, it's like, you know, prophets always come from out of town, right?

1496
01:45:23.000 --> 01:45:25.440
And prophet is without honor in their own hometown.

1497
01:45:25.580 --> 01:45:29.220
And I mean, I was doing miracles, all kinds of stuff God was doing through me when I was

1498
01:45:29.220 --> 01:45:29.980
away.

1499
01:45:30.100 --> 01:45:33.500
And I come back and it's just familiarity breeds contempt.

1500
01:45:34.680 --> 01:45:41.500
So I feel like, um, yeah, it's, it's, uh, it's just different things that I'm going

1501
01:45:41.500 --> 01:45:41.740
through.

1502
01:45:41.800 --> 01:45:44.380
It's, um, a lot.

1503
01:45:44.460 --> 01:45:47.520
And then my sister and my niece say, okay, well, we'll come in January.

1504
01:45:47.680 --> 01:45:48.900
We'll come to come see you.

1505
01:45:49.420 --> 01:45:54.780
But I'm just saying I live here 24 seven and it's my space and I literally am in the living

1506
01:45:54.860 --> 01:45:56.840
room turns into a bedroom at night.

1507
01:45:57.520 --> 01:46:01.900
And we have a good system and it's a one bedroom on the ocean, but it's a one bedroom.

1508
01:46:02.600 --> 01:46:06.760
And if they come, it's like, man, it stresses me out.

1509
01:46:07.020 --> 01:46:12.380
It's because it's like they get, she gets to be her daughter and my niece gets to be

1510
01:46:12.380 --> 01:46:12.740
her niece.

1511
01:46:12.760 --> 01:46:14.020
But I'm always the caregiver.

1512
01:46:14.180 --> 01:46:15.460
I'm always the caregiver.

1513
01:46:17.020 --> 01:46:23.840
And um, it's, I wish I could say, can you just get me a hotel and you all enjoy because

1514
01:46:23.840 --> 01:46:26.740
you have a free caregiver for two and a half years now.

1515
01:46:27.140 --> 01:46:33.620
And on average, the state would pay me 7,000 a month if you know, um, and you guys won't

1516
01:46:33.620 --> 01:46:34.060
do it.

1517
01:46:34.580 --> 01:46:36.560
So I bet I can't say this.

1518
01:46:37.380 --> 01:46:37.620
Okay.

1519
01:46:37.620 --> 01:46:39.560
That was going to be my question for you.

1520
01:46:39.780 --> 01:46:42.400
So tell me why you can't say that.

1521
01:46:44.000 --> 01:46:53.280
Um, first time I did try to say that my, my brother's, um, wife, my sister-in-law who

1522
01:46:53.280 --> 01:46:55.840
I usually just get along with like no problem.

1523
01:46:56.880 --> 01:46:58.360
And she's a Muslim by the way.

1524
01:46:58.560 --> 01:47:01.140
So my brother, long story short, my dad died.

1525
01:47:01.580 --> 01:47:05.420
Every, our faith was like completely doomed, like assaulted.

1526
01:47:05.680 --> 01:47:10.320
I mean, since we were little, we were born and raised in the church and I myself had

1527
01:47:10.480 --> 01:47:14.180
a really amazing encounter with the Lord and I was a little girl and everything.

1528
01:47:14.260 --> 01:47:16.740
But when my dad died, our faith was just crushed.

1529
01:47:17.300 --> 01:47:19.560
So we all became prodigals.

1530
01:47:19.600 --> 01:47:20.600
I came back.

1531
01:47:21.020 --> 01:47:21.800
They never did.

1532
01:47:22.360 --> 01:47:26.260
He, my brother married a Muslim because it's a vacuum, so it'll be filled.

1533
01:47:26.840 --> 01:47:34.620
And he married a Muslim and they have a very strict, um, culture and, um, we don't agree

1534
01:47:34.620 --> 01:47:38.960
with each other, but we respect each other, but not very close to anyone really.

1535
01:47:39.320 --> 01:47:45.760
Um, but she said, why would you pay someone to take care of her own mother while she has

1536
01:47:45.760 --> 01:47:47.880
her seven brothers in India taking care of her mother?

1537
01:47:49.160 --> 01:47:52.340
So I'm like, well, I didn't know what to say.

1538
01:47:52.480 --> 01:47:54.220
I was in shock when I heard that.

1539
01:47:54.960 --> 01:47:57.720
And my sister repeated it, my brother repeated it.

1540
01:47:58.040 --> 01:48:03.080
And so I was like, okay, what do you say to that?

1541
01:48:03.840 --> 01:48:07.120
So I'm like, well, you all are free to have your own careers, et cetera.

1542
01:48:07.400 --> 01:48:10.300
And you know what's so funny is they'll say to, and they'll look at me and they'll go,

1543
01:48:10.560 --> 01:48:12.100
so when are you going to get a job?

1544
01:48:12.200 --> 01:48:14.780
And I'm like, my mom is my job.

1545
01:48:14.860 --> 01:48:15.780
She is my job.

1546
01:48:15.800 --> 01:48:16.680
It's 24 seven.

1547
01:48:16.680 --> 01:48:18.400
I wish I could clock out like y'all.

1548
01:48:18.580 --> 01:48:20.880
I can't, I never know what hour I'm going to have.

1549
01:48:20.940 --> 01:48:23.760
I got to make sure she eats, she drinks, I got to do all the bills.

1550
01:48:23.900 --> 01:48:24.960
I got to schedule everything.

1551
01:48:24.960 --> 01:48:29.700
I mean, it's every, it's like being a mom, but it's harder because they know they're

1552
01:48:29.700 --> 01:48:30.780
their parent at times.

1553
01:48:31.060 --> 01:48:36.520
And so with a child, it's like, they know from what I've been told, they know for the

1554
01:48:36.520 --> 01:48:37.600
first time you're giving them rules.

1555
01:48:37.640 --> 01:48:39.080
But with the parent, it's like, what?

1556
01:48:39.120 --> 01:48:39.840
No, I'm the parent.

1557
01:48:39.960 --> 01:48:41.120
No, I don't need any help.

1558
01:48:41.380 --> 01:48:46.660
So, and then my mom usurps them from communicating with me because she texts them as if everything

1559
01:48:46.660 --> 01:48:47.340
is fine.

1560
01:48:47.960 --> 01:48:49.220
So, I never hear from them.

1561
01:48:50.000 --> 01:48:53.480
And so it's, yeah, it's just one of those interesting things.

1562
01:48:55.140 --> 01:49:02.280
And my mom and I, so let me ask you, I'm going to jump in, let me ask you another question.

1563
01:49:03.300 --> 01:49:06.620
So, okay, so you've tried to let them know how you feel.

1564
01:49:07.480 --> 01:49:12.700
So if you feel like there's nothing that you can change regarding them, you there's, you're

1565
01:49:12.700 --> 01:49:14.040
not going to get help from them.

1566
01:49:15.040 --> 01:49:22.500
Like genuinely, one of the best things I can just say is that as a part of the heart work,

1567
01:49:22.900 --> 01:49:31.640
as you know, it's, it's for people that, you know, one of the things that stood out to

1568
01:49:31.640 --> 01:49:35.120
me that you said is they picked me because I was single, I didn't have any kids.

1569
01:49:35.220 --> 01:49:40.980
And so that stood out like a very kind of emotionally charged statement is what the

1570
01:49:40.980 --> 01:49:42.880
way I would kind of say that, which makes sense.

1571
01:49:43.540 --> 01:49:48.240
So the reason I'm saying that to you is I think it'd be really, really good for you

1572
01:49:48.240 --> 01:49:52.240
to do a forgiveness prayer sheet to forgive your siblings.

1573
01:49:52.500 --> 01:49:59.000
And even like your brother saying that thing to you, you know, or the sister-in-law and,

1574
01:49:59.000 --> 01:49:59.980
you know, where you're really.

1575
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:09.440
processing, forgiving these individuals and letting them go. And you know, if you

1576
01:50:09.440 --> 01:50:13.620
feel like there's nothing that can change by voicing your opinion or how

1577
01:50:13.620 --> 01:50:19.400
you feel, you know, I would really pray into how you can set boundaries when

1578
01:50:19.400 --> 01:50:27.800
they come into town so that you don't, you know, feel resentful if they're not

1579
01:50:27.800 --> 01:50:32.840
going to help, you know, like, for example, one of the things you said, get a hotel

1580
01:50:32.840 --> 01:50:37.620
room and take care of her, you know, like, can you protect your heart and process

1581
01:50:37.620 --> 01:50:43.640
these things out to the best of your ability. In the meantime, also really

1582
01:50:43.820 --> 01:50:48.200
trusting that because one of the things you said, I'm on this little island, I

1583
01:50:48.200 --> 01:50:52.140
can't really go do anything. And I get it. I know that that's probably very true.

1584
01:50:52.140 --> 01:50:57.480
But one of the things I want to just speak into you is that we have several

1585
01:50:57.520 --> 01:51:02.840
ladies in this community that have been literally on islands even smaller than

1586
01:51:03.480 --> 01:51:08.220
Hawaii, and thought there would be no way that God could help them find their

1587
01:51:08.220 --> 01:51:13.040
spirit mate because the one woman was a single mom, and her son had several

1588
01:51:13.040 --> 01:51:17.860
needs, and she had a hard time getting out and about. And so she's like, how am

1589
01:51:17.860 --> 01:51:21.180
I ever going to meet anybody? And that's what she kept saying over and over and

1590
01:51:21.330 --> 01:51:26.930
But here's the thing, Bambi, I'm going to let you and everybody else know, I know

1591
01:51:26.930 --> 01:51:32.030
it's hard, but we have to come out of agreement with saying that over and over

1592
01:51:32.070 --> 01:51:37.510
and over again, you have to come out of place. Because if we keep saying that,

1593
01:51:37.530 --> 01:51:41.930
like I live on this island, I can't meet anybody. Take like, I'm not saying those

1594
01:51:41.930 --> 01:51:49.150
things aren't true right now. Okay. But God is creative, and he can do anything

1595
01:51:49.150 --> 01:51:55.790
he wants. And he can move a person from a different state if he needs to, to

1596
01:51:55.670 --> 01:52:02.030
Hawaii, and encounter you at the grocery store. I don't know, I'm just saying, I

1597
01:52:02.030 --> 01:52:05.850
don't know how you're going to meet your spirit. But I want you to really come out

1598
01:52:05.850 --> 01:52:12.010
of agreement with saying things out loud that are partnering with, there is no way

1599
01:52:12.010 --> 01:52:16.610
I can move my life forward in this season. Singleness is my lot, caregiving

1600
01:52:16.610 --> 01:52:20.270
is my lot. And that's it. Does that make sense what I'm saying?

1601
01:52:20.770 --> 01:52:26.970
It makes perfect sense. I just wanted to add that I've, I've been I have had a few

1602
01:52:26.970 --> 01:52:30.930
dates, I have gone out on dates before last year single. And what's so

1603
01:52:30.930 --> 01:52:36.710
interesting, ever since I've joined, they are contacting me. And they're

1604
01:52:37.630 --> 01:52:42.930
Christian. But I'm like, Oh my gosh, how do I handle this? You know, I haven't, I'm

1605
01:52:42.930 --> 01:52:44.930
just sort of like, keeping them at bay.

1606
01:52:46.010 --> 01:52:51.570
Yeah, you just let them know, ladies, this is how you say it. Hey, you know, it was

1607
01:52:51.570 --> 01:52:56.950
nice hearing from you. I am doing a really important heart healing journey

1608
01:52:57.450 --> 01:53:02.610
during this time. And so I'm, you know, when I'm finished, I'll reach back out.

1609
01:53:03.230 --> 01:53:07.250
And that's literally what you can say, like, you don't have to explain anything

1610
01:53:07.250 --> 01:53:11.490
else to them. If they're a good guy, they're going to be like, hey, that's

1611
01:53:11.490 --> 01:53:16.290
really awesome. I look forward to hearing from you at that time, you know,

1612
01:53:16.310 --> 01:53:20.210
and they're not going to try to like, you know, get you to constantly talk to them

1613
01:53:20.210 --> 01:53:24.730
and all the things. And ladies, it's going to be really awesome when you come

1614
01:53:24.730 --> 01:53:27.830
out on the other side, and you realize whether or not that's even someone you

1615
01:53:27.830 --> 01:53:33.290
want to talk to anymore. You know, because not, not every Christian guy is

1616
01:53:33.290 --> 01:53:37.570
someone that is a good spirit mate connection. So Bambi, that's awesome that

1617
01:53:37.570 --> 01:53:41.670
you have gone on some dates before. Now, while you're in the higher work, we ask

1618
01:53:41.670 --> 01:53:46.410
people to not date. And so that's, you know, great. Yeah, we ask people to press

1619
01:53:46.410 --> 01:53:50.010
pause on dating while they're in the heart work, so that you can just focus on

1620
01:53:50.010 --> 01:53:53.830
your heart healing and everything that God's trying to do in and through that.

1621
01:53:54.750 --> 01:54:00.070
Now, does that include if I'm going out to events as well, like going out dancing

1622
01:54:00.230 --> 01:54:06.990
or, you know, Christmas parties, and somebody asked me out? Do I just say? Do

1623
01:54:06.990 --> 01:54:10.630
I just say, I'm not dating right now. I'm working on a heart healing journey. But

1624
01:54:10.630 --> 01:54:13.030
once I'm ready, I'll reach out to you.

1625
01:54:14.370 --> 01:54:18.470
Yeah, that's exactly. And they may or may not, they might, you know, they may be

1626
01:54:18.470 --> 01:54:21.590
like, Oh, I don't want to wait that long. And you don't worry about that. Because

1627
01:54:21.590 --> 01:54:24.950
if they're your spirit mate, they're not gonna, they're not gonna be that guy

1628
01:54:24.950 --> 01:54:27.930
that's like, Oh, see you later. I don't care. You know, they're gonna they're

1629
01:54:27.930 --> 01:54:31.990
gonna actually be intentional and think that what you're doing is really

1630
01:54:31.990 --> 01:54:37.030
important. And they're going to value that. Proverbs 1822 is something we

1631
01:54:37.030 --> 01:54:41.050
stand on regarding our men's program. And it says a man who has found a wife has

1632
01:54:41.050 --> 01:54:48.550
found a good thing. And men that are healthy value women that are healthy and

1633
01:54:48.550 --> 01:54:56.750
investing in healing. They do or have already done. And so yeah, ladies, it's

1634
01:54:56.750 --> 01:54:59.910
really we actually have this conversation this afternoon, because

1635
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:03.440
There are a lot of holiday parties happening and things and singles events.

1636
01:55:03.720 --> 01:55:09.500
And, and so I know that that can feel tough to not go and do, we're not saying

1637
01:55:09.500 --> 01:55:12.500
don't go to Friendsgivings because that was the question that came up today.

1638
01:55:13.040 --> 01:55:17.540
But I am saying to you all really ask yourself, are you going in your

1639
01:55:17.540 --> 01:55:19.440
heart to try to meet somebody?

1640
01:55:20.020 --> 01:55:24.340
And if you are, you really need to ask yourself if that's the best decision for

1641
01:55:24.340 --> 01:55:28.020
you right now, because if it's going to distract you from your heart healing,

1642
01:55:28.020 --> 01:55:33.960
which is why you're here to help you really figure out why you are repeating

1643
01:55:33.960 --> 01:55:35.960
cycles that are not serving you.

1644
01:55:37.600 --> 01:55:37.920
Right.

1645
01:55:38.840 --> 01:55:41.360
Or whatever else it is that we need healed from.

1646
01:55:42.200 --> 01:55:45.060
And so we don't want to allow the enemy to distract us.

1647
01:55:45.460 --> 01:55:50.280
We, even during the holidays, and I know you all, I lived by myself.

1648
01:55:50.280 --> 01:55:52.820
I didn't even have anybody that lived with me.

1649
01:55:52.820 --> 01:55:55.680
And you all, I talked about this a couple of weeks ago during COVID.

1650
01:55:56.460 --> 01:55:58.600
I couldn't hardly ever even see my friends.

1651
01:55:59.700 --> 01:56:01.940
It was tough, but you know what?

1652
01:56:01.940 --> 01:56:05.100
I had one of the best Christmases ever you all.

1653
01:56:05.200 --> 01:56:10.060
And I was, I was worried about that Christmas, threatened over it.

1654
01:56:10.060 --> 01:56:14.940
And I ended up having like one of the best, God just really met me and gave

1655
01:56:14.940 --> 01:56:20.980
me the supernatural grace, like I just can't even explain it and set me free

1656
01:56:20.980 --> 01:56:24.200
from my deep loneliness issues that I had.

1657
01:56:24.780 --> 01:56:27.980
Did you have anyone ever ask you during that time?

1658
01:56:28.320 --> 01:56:30.660
Like, or no, maybe because you didn't see anyone.

1659
01:56:30.720 --> 01:56:31.100
I don't know.

1660
01:56:31.220 --> 01:56:35.180
But if, when I go to friends, givings, et cetera, and anybody asks, Oh my

1661
01:56:35.180 --> 01:56:36.140
gosh, why are you single?

1662
01:56:36.540 --> 01:56:37.680
Or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1663
01:56:37.960 --> 01:56:44.080
Do I just tell them also that I'm on this heart journey and just

1664
01:56:44.240 --> 01:56:46.060
not available to date right now?

1665
01:56:46.140 --> 01:56:46.660
Yep.

1666
01:56:46.740 --> 01:56:49.500
I, I literally was very intentional with people.

1667
01:56:49.680 --> 01:56:53.540
I actually, so the way it was for me, it was a little different.

1668
01:56:53.540 --> 01:56:59.720
Um, after I broke up with my spiritual daughter's dad, that was the third

1669
01:56:59.720 --> 01:57:04.960
relationship in the row in a row where, um, the person had addiction issues.

1670
01:57:04.960 --> 01:57:08.480
They treated me badly, was not good situation.

1671
01:57:08.620 --> 01:57:13.780
And so when I ended that relationship, I decided, um, and this is long before

1672
01:57:13.780 --> 01:57:17.880
I came into the program that I was literally not going to date for a year.

1673
01:57:17.880 --> 01:57:21.860
I made that commitment to myself and I didn't date for a year.

1674
01:57:22.440 --> 01:57:27.520
And, um, literally coming at the end of that first year, I was like, you know

1675
01:57:27.900 --> 01:57:30.320
what, I think I need to do this longer.

1676
01:57:31.060 --> 01:57:33.500
Cause this is actually helping me a lot.

1677
01:57:34.000 --> 01:57:42.420
And, uh, I went into that second year and, um, I'm trying to think 2000.

1678
01:57:43.140 --> 01:57:43.700
Yeah.

1679
01:57:43.700 --> 01:57:45.600
I was almost at the end of that.

1680
01:57:46.220 --> 01:57:47.080
No, no.

1681
01:57:47.080 --> 01:57:49.140
I was about midway through that second year.

1682
01:57:50.200 --> 01:57:53.640
And, uh, that's when I came into contact with Jackie's program.

1683
01:57:54.760 --> 01:57:58.460
And, um, cause it was about two years total.

1684
01:57:58.460 --> 01:58:03.600
By the time I started dating again, now everyone's journey is different.

1685
01:58:03.740 --> 01:58:06.220
I'm not telling you all you have to do that.

1686
01:58:06.240 --> 01:58:09.100
I'm just saying that was something that God led you to do because

1687
01:58:09.100 --> 01:58:10.940
I was trying to break a cycle.

1688
01:58:11.680 --> 01:58:13.920
And the common denominator was me.

1689
01:58:14.140 --> 01:58:16.700
And I didn't want to keep attracting those people anymore.

1690
01:58:16.700 --> 01:58:22.100
And so I needed time to heal and recalibrate and honestly grow some

1691
01:58:22.100 --> 01:58:25.980
foundational roots that I never had an opportunity to grow when I was a young

1692
01:58:25.980 --> 01:58:34.900
girl, I needed to learn how to know my identity apart from a man and who God

1693
01:58:34.900 --> 01:58:39.160
said I was as his daughter and to come out of these orphan mentalities and

1694
01:58:39.160 --> 01:58:42.580
things that I'm talking to you all about, because they were, they were sabotaging

1695
01:58:42.580 --> 01:58:42.820
me.

1696
01:58:43.400 --> 01:58:49.140
And so all I'm, I'm saying that to you because when I came back, like when I

1697
01:58:49.140 --> 01:58:54.460
was in the heart work, I was all in committed, like I'm, I'm doing this, but

1698
01:58:54.640 --> 01:58:56.680
y'all, I still met people.

1699
01:58:58.360 --> 01:58:58.840
Okay.

1700
01:58:58.860 --> 01:59:04.880
And so, yes, I was very confident in telling people, um, you know, some of my

1701
01:59:04.880 --> 01:59:05.920
best friends were worried.

1702
01:59:05.940 --> 01:59:06.540
They were afraid.

1703
01:59:06.680 --> 01:59:08.020
I was like wasting time.

1704
01:59:08.020 --> 01:59:09.180
Like you gotta meet people again.

1705
01:59:09.320 --> 01:59:11.940
And I was like, no, this is what God has told me to do.

1706
01:59:11.940 --> 01:59:13.780
I was just very confident about it.

1707
01:59:13.820 --> 01:59:19.940
And I didn't let them cause me to be afraid because I knew what God told me to

1708
01:59:19.940 --> 01:59:20.100
do.

1709
01:59:20.680 --> 01:59:24.740
And so I just would say like, Hey, I'm, and then when I came into the program, I

1710
01:59:24.740 --> 01:59:27.400
just was like, man, I found this amazing program.

1711
01:59:27.400 --> 01:59:28.680
It's really helping me.

1712
01:59:29.080 --> 01:59:30.360
And this is what God is saying.

1713
01:59:30.420 --> 01:59:35.140
And I just would tell people, and when I was confident about it, even when they

1714
01:59:35.140 --> 01:59:39.160
would push back, there just wasn't much they could say because I was confident in

1715
01:59:39.360 --> 01:59:39.800
it.

1716
01:59:39.800 --> 01:59:40.780
Does that make sense?

1717
01:59:41.020 --> 01:59:41.340
Yeah.

1718
01:59:41.340 --> 01:59:42.440
That makes, that does.

1719
01:59:42.460 --> 01:59:43.420
That makes perfect sense.

1720
01:59:44.360 --> 01:59:45.760
And, um, okay.

1721
01:59:45.760 --> 01:59:49.760
So I just wanted to ask you this then, when you mentioned your mom not being

1722
01:59:49.760 --> 01:59:55.280
emotionally available to you, that is my upbringing too, and it's even more

1723
01:59:55.280 --> 01:59:59.980
magnified now and it's even more magnified when anybody else is in the room.

1724
02:00:01.460 --> 02:00:08.580
You know, and so I actually did a post about forgiveness on the community tab and I got

1725
02:00:08.580 --> 02:00:13.420
a couple of really cool, because it was something that the Lord revealed to me in my prayer

1726
02:00:13.420 --> 02:00:21.600
time about, you know, that part, give us, give us, forgive them their debts as you forgive

1727
02:00:21.960 --> 02:00:22.440
our debts.

1728
02:00:22.700 --> 02:00:25.780
And he asked me, have they apologized?

1729
02:00:25.900 --> 02:00:26.800
I said, no.

1730
02:00:26.820 --> 02:00:28.240
He said, well, isn't that their debt?

1731
02:00:28.300 --> 02:00:29.020
I said, yes.

1732
02:00:29.020 --> 02:00:30.500
He goes, well, do you forgive their debt?

1733
02:00:30.640 --> 02:00:31.720
I said, yes.

1734
02:00:31.940 --> 02:00:34.660
And that was like a couple of weeks ago.

1735
02:00:35.320 --> 02:00:37.380
But this is perpetual, Bethany.

1736
02:00:37.660 --> 02:00:38.720
This is perpetual.

1737
02:00:39.880 --> 02:00:40.800
It's every day.

1738
02:00:41.360 --> 02:00:41.600
Yeah.

1739
02:00:41.840 --> 02:00:43.040
But this is the thing.

1740
02:00:43.140 --> 02:00:43.540
Okay.

1741
02:00:43.540 --> 02:00:48.120
The Lord asked us, you know, to forgive 70 times seven.

1742
02:00:48.180 --> 02:00:51.940
And the reason he said that is because there are going to be some people that are going

1743
02:00:51.940 --> 02:00:54.260
to do the same things over and over and over again.

1744
02:00:54.560 --> 02:00:57.020
And it doesn't mean we become their doormat.

1745
02:00:57.780 --> 02:01:05.140
You know, Bambi or anyone else, but it means that we surrender and we forgive because we

1746
02:01:05.140 --> 02:01:06.860
have been forgiven.

1747
02:01:07.420 --> 02:01:12.720
And some of us have been forgiven over and over and over and over again, right?

1748
02:01:12.900 --> 02:01:18.780
And so it's super important for us to partner with that truth and understand that through

1749
02:01:18.820 --> 02:01:21.980
God's grace, we are forgiven and we can also forgive.

1750
02:01:22.520 --> 02:01:24.220
And so Bambi, great questions.

1751
02:01:24.440 --> 02:01:25.920
So good to talk to you tonight.

1752
02:01:25.920 --> 02:01:27.640
I am going to go to Nari.

1753
02:01:28.280 --> 02:01:28.520
Thank you.

1754
02:01:29.680 --> 02:01:30.100
You too.

1755
02:01:30.420 --> 02:01:30.900
Yeah.

1756
02:01:31.300 --> 02:01:31.780
You're welcome.

1757
02:01:32.320 --> 02:01:32.340
Quickly.

1758
02:01:33.080 --> 02:01:34.400
We're at 10.01.

1759
02:01:34.720 --> 02:01:39.260
And so I got to wrap this fun stuff up tonight as soon as I can.

1760
02:01:39.460 --> 02:01:40.200
So Nari, go ahead.

1761
02:01:42.900 --> 02:01:50.280
So I wanted to share that I realized today as I was, I don't know how I came across,

1762
02:01:50.500 --> 02:01:54.440
but I noticed that I signed up for the heart work earlier this year.

1763
02:01:54.440 --> 02:01:55.580
It was like in May.

1764
02:01:56.260 --> 02:02:04.620
So it's been like, I don't know, like six months or more, but I didn't, it took me a

1765
02:02:04.620 --> 02:02:05.820
while to get going.

1766
02:02:06.080 --> 02:02:07.020
It took me a while.

1767
02:02:07.020 --> 02:02:10.860
It took me a little bit of time to get started and really get into the rhythm of it.

1768
02:02:11.200 --> 02:02:16.480
And I feel that I've been more consistent with it the last few weeks.

1769
02:02:17.080 --> 02:02:23.240
And I've noticed that I've made some really good gains and progress through the heart

1770
02:02:23.240 --> 02:02:23.460
work.

1771
02:02:24.140 --> 02:02:28.100
And then this past week, I feel like things just kind of plummeted.

1772
02:02:28.500 --> 02:02:31.260
And now I feel like I'm getting worse.

1773
02:02:32.980 --> 02:02:37.040
And I just feel really restless in my spirit.

1774
02:02:38.200 --> 02:02:47.560
I asked the Lord for some guidance and direction on how to make a decision with respect to

1775
02:02:47.560 --> 02:02:55.180
my finances and some other just, I feel like I'm kind of in, in a little bit of a, like,

1776
02:02:55.980 --> 02:02:59.980
like I'm kind of almost like in the in-between zone.

1777
02:02:59.980 --> 02:03:06.160
Like I'm like, I don't know what to do when it comes to my living situation, my finances.

1778
02:03:07.180 --> 02:03:13.300
And I know I'm doing this heart work and I'm hoping to meet my partner, get married, have

1779
02:03:13.300 --> 02:03:13.740
children.

1780
02:03:13.740 --> 02:03:19.300
And it's interesting that you shared that, you know, you intentionally chose not to date

1781
02:03:19.300 --> 02:03:20.540
for a year or longer.

1782
02:03:20.660 --> 02:03:23.340
And this has been the longest time that I haven't been on dates.

1783
02:03:23.520 --> 02:03:29.940
My last serious relationship, I haven't been in one since in my 20s, I'm in my like mid

1784
02:03:29.940 --> 02:03:30.640
30s now.

1785
02:03:30.740 --> 02:03:33.300
So it's been a while that I've been in a serious relationship.

1786
02:03:34.120 --> 02:03:40.200
And I've just been feeling like, like how my time is just slipping by.

1787
02:03:40.200 --> 02:03:46.100
And this is the longest time that I haven't dated someone or like been on dates.

1788
02:03:46.380 --> 02:03:51.700
And it's interesting because I have so much going on in my life on the surface that looks

1789
02:03:51.700 --> 02:03:52.400
really great.

1790
02:03:53.000 --> 02:03:55.740
But I still feel like I'm waiting for my life to start.

1791
02:03:56.640 --> 02:04:00.660
It doesn't feel like I'm living, if that makes sense.

1792
02:04:00.700 --> 02:04:08.720
Like I'm still trying to attain or, you know, do things to kind of achieve that bliss or

1793
02:04:08.900 --> 02:04:11.640
that happiness that I'm seeking or that satisfaction.

1794
02:04:12.320 --> 02:04:17.860
And I get moments of it, you know, when I'm in prayer or when I feel close to the Lord

1795
02:04:17.860 --> 02:04:21.740
or when I go to church or when I'm with people that are around that are really supportive.

1796
02:04:22.140 --> 02:04:29.960
But on a day to day, I just feel this restlessness and this like heaviness and this, just this

1797
02:04:30.420 --> 02:04:30.980
dissatisfaction.

1798
02:04:31.660 --> 02:04:37.600
And it's hard because there's so much I need to give up or like, you know, let the Lord

1799
02:04:37.600 --> 02:04:38.800
take care of.

1800
02:04:39.300 --> 02:04:43.580
And then I find myself getting back, falling back into the state of striving.

1801
02:04:43.700 --> 02:04:45.080
It's almost like second nature.

1802
02:04:45.080 --> 02:04:46.720
I've been doing it my whole life.

1803
02:04:46.900 --> 02:04:52.300
And it's really hard not to be that way because I've been kind of trained at a young age to

1804
02:04:52.300 --> 02:04:53.380
be a high achiever.

1805
02:04:53.820 --> 02:04:58.180
And I know now that that's not helpful, but it's so hard to break out of that pattern.

1806
02:04:59.460 --> 02:04:59.960
So.

1807
02:05:01.260 --> 02:05:07.640
Yeah, I don't think one of the things, just so that I tell you also sorry, just in case

1808
02:05:07.640 --> 02:05:11.240
if this happens I hope that it doesn't and I get finished with everybody but my phone

1809
02:05:11.240 --> 02:05:16.000
battery that I'm hot spotting off of is like at 15 so if for any reason while I'm talking

1810
02:05:16.000 --> 02:05:21.120
midway to any of you, if the screen just ends you all it's because my phone died okay so

1811
02:05:21.120 --> 02:05:26.060
just know in advance, if that happens, I'm sorry for mid conversation okay.

1812
02:05:26.940 --> 02:05:31.540
But one of the things that was standing out is as you were talking about the restlessness

1813
02:05:33.180 --> 02:05:41.140
and don't feel like you're really kind of living, when is the last time you remember feeling alive?

1814
02:05:45.960 --> 02:05:52.020
Like even if it was when you were a kid or is there any memory and like yeah go ahead.

1815
02:05:52.020 --> 02:05:57.900
Yeah like maybe like in my early 20s when I wasn't so caught up in responsibility the

1816
02:05:57.900 --> 02:06:06.700
way that I am now and as a teen and a child yeah.

1817
02:06:06.700 --> 02:06:13.820
So do you feel like the responsibility feels too heavy, is that what you're saying?

1818
02:06:15.660 --> 02:06:19.820
It almost feels like everything that I know this is gonna, this is really hard for me

1819
02:06:19.820 --> 02:06:23.740
to say and I'm a little bit embarrassed to say it because I logically know it's not true

1820
02:06:23.880 --> 02:06:30.120
but it feels like everything I'm doing is a waste of time because what I really want to be doing

1821
02:06:30.700 --> 02:06:37.200
is having a family like I want to get married and have kids so I just feel like even though I'm

1822
02:06:37.200 --> 02:06:42.000
doing all these great things I feel and I get resentful about people like I have so many people

1823
02:06:42.000 --> 02:06:46.800
around me who are celebrating these birthday parties for their children and they're doing

1824
02:06:46.800 --> 02:06:52.200
all these great things with their families and I just feel like I'm everything doesn't matter

1825
02:06:52.200 --> 02:06:57.660
because it's not I don't know it's not what I want or it's like I think that's going to be

1826
02:06:57.660 --> 02:07:00.560
better or that's going to be the thing that's going to make things better for me.

1827
02:07:01.620 --> 02:07:07.300
Yeah so you're kind of like in one vein like Shakira like how I was saying I don't know if

1828
02:07:07.300 --> 02:07:13.220
that resonated with you when I was saying to her like here's the reality you all I thought

1829
02:07:13.220 --> 02:07:16.720
years ago that marriage was going to make me happy.

1830
02:07:18.740 --> 02:07:26.140
This is years ago I got married and then the shocking truth was that marriage doesn't

1831
02:07:26.140 --> 02:07:31.940
necessarily especially if it's not a good guy. Now I will tell you this time around a healthy

1832
02:07:31.940 --> 02:07:39.000
person we are having a lot of fun okay but both of us were healthy coming into this marriage

1833
02:07:39.000 --> 02:07:50.120
okay and so I get my happiness from the Lord not from Brian but Brian is funny and so I get some

1834
02:07:50.120 --> 02:07:56.520
happiness from him too because he's just a funny person he's fun and easy to be around and we laugh

1835
02:07:56.520 --> 02:08:04.500
a lot and it's fun but you know what I realized is I'm fun too and so I bring fun into this marriage

1836
02:08:04.500 --> 02:08:11.540
too and so that's why we have a lot of fun together now there are days and moments as much

1837
02:08:11.540 --> 02:08:20.940
as I love him then I'm like you're annoying me stop it okay I'm just being real right so we're

1838
02:08:20.940 --> 02:08:27.580
going to have things where it is going to be great but we need to understand that marriage itself

1839
02:08:27.580 --> 02:08:34.920
getting to the altar is not the goal and I've heard that so many times and I do believe it

1840
02:08:34.920 --> 02:08:40.720
and I think because I know that logically I think it almost makes me feel worse

1841
02:08:41.060 --> 02:08:46.520
because I don't know yeah I think that's just guilt and shame which I've talked to you about

1842
02:08:46.520 --> 02:08:51.980
that before too I think that internal dialogue just feeling guilty for you even said it earlier

1843
02:08:51.980 --> 02:08:58.400
like I feel bad for saying I feel like it's a waste of time you know I think just really being

1844
02:08:58.400 --> 02:09:04.320
okay with the things that you think and feel and not feeling shame or condemnation or guilt for

1845
02:09:04.320 --> 02:09:10.800
them but just understanding like oh yeah maybe God wants me to heal in that area and grow out of that

1846
02:09:10.800 --> 02:09:15.820
but like where you don't have this shame feeling for the thoughts and the feelings that you have

1847
02:09:15.840 --> 02:09:21.000
yeah and it's not so much that I feel worse about having the feelings it's more so I feel worse

1848
02:09:21.000 --> 02:09:28.960
because if that's not going to make me happy then well like what and I know it's like finding

1849
02:09:29.140 --> 02:09:34.940
that satisfaction and identity in the Lord and then I still struggle sometimes with that too

1850
02:09:34.960 --> 02:09:41.860
I think yeah and I will say I mean you've grown a ton since you've come into this program I think

1851
02:09:42.020 --> 02:09:49.680
and so maybe some of it is that you know start looking at your wins and the things that are

1852
02:09:49.680 --> 02:09:55.880
going well like even though you feel a certain way we have to make sure our feelings don't get

1853
02:09:55.880 --> 02:09:59.440
in the driver's seat and that they're not directing the play if you will

1854
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:02.680
And because they're writing the whole storyline sometimes

1855
02:10:02.680 --> 02:10:04.460
and they're directing the play and they're just,

1856
02:10:04.940 --> 02:10:08.240
and we're not always gonna feel like everything is great

1857
02:10:08.440 --> 02:10:10.020
and all of that.

1858
02:10:10.180 --> 02:10:12.840
But I will tell you that genuinely,

1859
02:10:12.940 --> 02:10:14.460
and I'm not just saying this,

1860
02:10:14.940 --> 02:10:17.540
that God is a redeemer of time

1861
02:10:18.440 --> 02:10:23.500
and nothing will ever, ever, ever be wasted, ever.

1862
02:10:24.120 --> 02:10:26.660
Even that six year relationship that I was in

1863
02:10:26.660 --> 02:10:28.600
that I'm like, I still look back,

1864
02:10:28.600 --> 02:10:29.840
I tell you guys this all the time,

1865
02:10:30.080 --> 02:10:33.140
I can't believe I dated that guy for six years,

1866
02:10:35.280 --> 02:10:38.280
but I did and God is using it

1867
02:10:38.280 --> 02:10:41.320
and he's helping me help other people,

1868
02:10:41.480 --> 02:10:43.300
hopefully not end up for six years

1869
02:10:43.300 --> 02:10:44.680
in a relationship like I did,

1870
02:10:45.420 --> 02:10:48.840
but nothing's wasted and God is using all of it.

1871
02:10:49.300 --> 02:10:52.440
And I honestly think because of some of the things,

1872
02:10:52.760 --> 02:10:54.340
God didn't intend that for me,

1873
02:10:54.360 --> 02:10:56.020
but God is using some of those things.

1874
02:10:56.020 --> 02:11:01.700
He taught me joy through all of that, which is ironic.

1875
02:11:02.800 --> 02:11:05.760
And so Nari, I think just at the core,

1876
02:11:06.800 --> 02:11:08.840
I really want you to go back to,

1877
02:11:09.140 --> 02:11:12.480
if the early 20s is when you felt alive,

1878
02:11:13.040 --> 02:11:15.720
I really want you to go even before that.

1879
02:11:16.560 --> 02:11:20.220
Because I feel like if it really was

1880
02:11:20.220 --> 02:11:22.100
just because you're doing a job

1881
02:11:22.100 --> 02:11:24.980
that you feel like you're not really where you wanna be,

1882
02:11:25.620 --> 02:11:26.660
okay, good.

1883
02:11:26.940 --> 02:11:28.720
But I think it's more than that.

1884
02:11:29.040 --> 02:11:30.540
I think it's that at the core,

1885
02:11:31.860 --> 02:11:34.720
there's some level of unhappiness with yourself.

1886
02:11:36.800 --> 02:11:39.220
Because I feel like things don't,

1887
02:11:39.580 --> 02:11:42.600
as much as we've kind of coached a couple of times,

1888
02:11:42.880 --> 02:11:45.660
I feel like you never feel like you measure up to something,

1889
02:11:46.160 --> 02:11:48.080
whether that's not having the marriage

1890
02:11:48.080 --> 02:11:50.520
or not having the kids or the job

1891
02:11:50.600 --> 02:11:52.540
or some of the other things we've coached through.

1892
02:11:52.660 --> 02:11:54.260
And so I feel like at the core,

1893
02:11:54.860 --> 02:11:57.680
what's happening is you're not happy with yourself

1894
02:11:57.800 --> 02:11:59.300
on some level.

1895
02:11:59.940 --> 02:12:04.100
And so where you really continue to,

1896
02:12:06.600 --> 02:12:08.480
again, I know I've talked to you about this before,

1897
02:12:08.540 --> 02:12:10.200
but I keep feeling every time I coach you,

1898
02:12:10.540 --> 02:12:14.000
this convergence back to the younger version of yourself,

1899
02:12:14.840 --> 02:12:19.060
where I think there was some level of happiness back then

1900
02:12:19.240 --> 02:12:22.120
that God wants you to be able to tap back into

1901
02:12:22.120 --> 02:12:26.680
that was genuine, just like innocent happiness.

1902
02:12:29.460 --> 02:12:33.020
And just that God wants you to give that back to you.

1903
02:12:33.480 --> 02:12:35.600
And I feel like that's a part of your healing process

1904
02:12:35.600 --> 02:12:36.180
that's important.

1905
02:12:36.360 --> 02:12:39.480
And don't, again, this isn't to put a yoke on you

1906
02:12:39.480 --> 02:12:40.900
to find that information.

1907
02:12:41.260 --> 02:12:44.500
This is more about just another like, Lord,

1908
02:12:45.320 --> 02:12:48.040
as you're praying into this,

1909
02:12:48.060 --> 02:12:49.120
I would even say,

1910
02:12:49.880 --> 02:12:51.920
when you said that you were more consistent

1911
02:12:51.920 --> 02:12:53.280
until the last week,

1912
02:12:54.080 --> 02:12:57.520
Lord, was there something that came up

1913
02:12:57.520 --> 02:12:59.240
that caused you to start checking out?

1914
02:12:59.740 --> 02:13:02.940
Was it that you saw a friend having a thing for her kids?

1915
02:13:03.100 --> 02:13:05.220
Was it you saw someone, a marriage announcement?

1916
02:13:05.700 --> 02:13:07.120
Was there something that happened

1917
02:13:07.120 --> 02:13:09.080
where you started checking out?

1918
02:13:10.500 --> 02:13:11.820
And really ask for that.

1919
02:13:12.000 --> 02:13:15.260
Because yeah, it could be that you know your job

1920
02:13:15.260 --> 02:13:17.220
and that you're really wanting the marriage,

1921
02:13:17.220 --> 02:13:19.280
but I think it's deeper than that.

1922
02:13:19.560 --> 02:13:22.060
I think it's that there's this dissatisfaction.

1923
02:13:22.420 --> 02:13:25.040
You said it, you said dissatisfaction and restlessness,

1924
02:13:25.120 --> 02:13:27.660
but I think that's from that internal wrestling

1925
02:13:27.660 --> 02:13:29.400
with your own self.

1926
02:13:30.700 --> 02:13:33.180
I think it's because if I'm not achieving or achieving

1927
02:13:33.180 --> 02:13:35.800
or like making decisions at the root of it,

1928
02:13:35.800 --> 02:13:37.940
I just don't feel like I'm enough.

1929
02:13:38.300 --> 02:13:40.160
Yeah, very similar to Shakira.

1930
02:13:40.800 --> 02:13:42.760
It's even though different scenarios,

1931
02:13:42.760 --> 02:13:45.820
you guys are kind of wrestling with very similar things

1932
02:13:46.340 --> 02:13:50.020
at the core when you strip all the titles away, Nari,

1933
02:13:51.080 --> 02:13:52.900
including wife and mom,

1934
02:13:53.960 --> 02:13:55.600
even though those are not where you're at yet,

1935
02:13:55.640 --> 02:13:58.400
you are going to be there, I believe it.

1936
02:13:58.480 --> 02:14:00.540
But when you strip all that away,

1937
02:14:00.860 --> 02:14:03.300
who are you and what is your value?

1938
02:14:04.560 --> 02:14:07.900
And let God inform that statement, okay?

1939
02:14:07.900 --> 02:14:10.700
Those statements, there should be a bunch.

1940
02:14:10.800 --> 02:14:13.700
I can't remember, did you do the silhouette activation?

1941
02:14:14.200 --> 02:14:16.060
No, and every week I come here,

1942
02:14:16.160 --> 02:14:18.520
I'm waiting for you to assign it again

1943
02:14:18.520 --> 02:14:20.220
because I need to do it.

1944
02:14:20.240 --> 02:14:20.880
Oh my gosh.

1945
02:14:21.600 --> 02:14:23.680
Go ahead and don't wait for that to come back around.

1946
02:14:23.900 --> 02:14:25.360
Do you remember what to do?

1947
02:14:25.700 --> 02:14:29.560
I wrote it down so I can look back and look at it.

1948
02:14:29.700 --> 02:14:33.220
I think that is going to be really important for you.

1949
02:14:33.760 --> 02:14:36.600
Okay, I was thinking that too.

1950
02:14:36.680 --> 02:14:39.900
Yeah, that whole activation is all about identity.

1951
02:14:41.840 --> 02:14:44.560
Getting your identity from what the Lord has to say

1952
02:14:44.560 --> 02:14:45.080
about you.

1953
02:14:45.500 --> 02:14:47.340
Who do you say I am, Lord?

1954
02:14:47.420 --> 02:14:48.860
And let him inform that.

1955
02:14:51.080 --> 02:14:53.240
Okay, it's so funny that you brought that up.

1956
02:14:53.900 --> 02:14:56.040
Yeah, because it's not our activation

1957
02:14:56.040 --> 02:14:57.180
for a couple of weeks still,

1958
02:14:57.240 --> 02:14:59.300
but I really feel like that will help you.

1959
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:02.940
Yeah. Okay. I'm going to work on that.

1960
02:15:03.500 --> 02:15:06.000
Yeah. And it might give you something to look forward to as well.

1961
02:15:06.780 --> 02:15:08.480
Yeah. Okay. Thank you.

1962
02:15:08.720 --> 02:15:11.020
You're welcome. And here's one last thing.

1963
02:15:11.220 --> 02:15:17.020
As you're doing it, pay attention to if you have any feelings of when you're moving towards it.

1964
02:15:17.400 --> 02:15:20.560
Any feelings of like, oh, I don't want to do this.

1965
02:15:20.560 --> 02:15:23.360
And like that feeling of like moving away from it.

1966
02:15:23.460 --> 02:15:27.900
And just pay attention to what's going on at that time, what thoughts you're having.

1967
02:15:27.900 --> 02:15:32.960
Or, you know, if you encountered something, did somebody say something, did you see?

1968
02:15:33.340 --> 02:15:37.480
You know, just really start to pay attention to those triggers for yourself.

1969
02:15:38.460 --> 02:15:38.600
Okay.

1970
02:15:39.420 --> 02:15:39.640
Yeah.

1971
02:15:39.760 --> 02:15:42.020
All right. You've got this. You can do this.

1972
02:15:43.020 --> 02:15:43.600
Thank you.

1973
02:15:44.020 --> 02:15:47.320
You're welcome. Deidre, did I say it right?

1974
02:15:53.100 --> 02:15:55.780
I know we're going late, you all, but it's going to be good.

1975
02:15:55.780 --> 02:15:59.140
We're going to finish it up, but I wanted to give these ladies a chance.

1976
02:15:59.920 --> 02:16:01.780
I was going to pass with you.

1977
02:16:02.480 --> 02:16:06.140
Oh, that's all right. I'll go as long as my battery will hold out.

1978
02:16:07.540 --> 02:16:08.920
Okay. It's Deidre.

1979
02:16:09.780 --> 02:16:10.380
Okay. Deidre.

1980
02:16:13.540 --> 02:16:13.780
Gosh.

1981
02:16:15.420 --> 02:16:22.820
I think the biggest reason why I put my hand up is because one of the biggest things I struggle with is isolation.

1982
02:16:28.440 --> 02:16:31.940
And I'm thinking I can handle it on my own, you know?

1983
02:16:32.959 --> 02:16:43.139
And so the only thing that keeps or the one thing, I mean, I had a great weekend that I, you know, I shared that.

1984
02:16:43.139 --> 02:16:48.420
I had got free from stuff and the Lord showed me wonderful things.

1985
02:16:48.700 --> 02:16:52.680
But then today is no, I think it was the next day.

1986
02:16:54.719 --> 02:16:58.260
This is really embarrassing, but it has a point.

1987
02:16:59.280 --> 02:17:08.420
But when, when Jackie put up, I think his name's Peter with all his kids and looking for his wife.

1988
02:17:08.420 --> 02:17:14.879
And so I started watching some of the videos and I thought, oh my gosh, he's like amazing.

1989
02:17:17.760 --> 02:17:31.680
And, and my whole mind just started going down because I'm like thinking, first of all, I've done foster care.

1990
02:17:32.139 --> 02:17:33.700
I've adopted a foster child.

1991
02:17:33.700 --> 02:17:42.740
I mean, I had a lot of things in common and, you know, physically he was just something that I would, would love to have.

1992
02:17:42.959 --> 02:17:45.700
And, you know, just his personality.

1993
02:17:46.379 --> 02:18:01.459
And yet the more I even, you know, went down that the more I realized it's like, I just kept dumping stuff on myself.

1994
02:18:01.459 --> 02:18:16.160
Like, and I know that would never be a situation, but it was just the process of what I went through and how, you know, first of all, you're too old.

1995
02:18:16.160 --> 02:18:30.540
But, but the fact that the more videos I watched, the more I realized that, like, could I even handle someone that happy?

1996
02:18:30.900 --> 02:18:31.540
You know what I mean?

1997
02:18:31.600 --> 02:18:38.900
Like I didn't, like, I would be getting healed by being with someone like that.

1998
02:18:38.900 --> 02:18:40.000
Like that would heal me.

1999
02:18:40.000 --> 02:18:45.320
Like, I just craved that kind of, and I know it's in me.

2000
02:18:45.459 --> 02:18:52.639
It kind of like you said, you and it sounded like you discovered that you're a fun person when you were with your husband.

2001
02:18:52.900 --> 02:19:05.559
I don't know if you knew that before, but it's so anyway, but I know there's a lot in me that would come out, but it's like, it's waiting for.

2002
02:19:06.920 --> 02:19:13.740
I don't think it's just healing, but I did have a, I guess I could call him a fiance.

2003
02:19:14.219 --> 02:19:15.559
I mean, he pulled that out of me.

2004
02:19:17.559 --> 02:19:21.860
So I know people can pull, you can be certain people way with certain people.

2005
02:19:22.000 --> 02:19:31.480
And, but at the same time, I just immediately started just disqualifying, I guess, myself and going downhill.

2006
02:19:31.480 --> 02:19:37.340
And then I'm thinking, well, so I'm never really going to be with anybody.

2007
02:19:37.340 --> 02:19:45.400
If I have all this healing to do, if I can't even, you know, so, so this is kind of a multi, I don't even know what the question is.

2008
02:19:45.400 --> 02:19:56.640
But the biggest question is, I think is like when, like a lot of the issues I need to learn are when there's a relationship in the picture, you know what I mean?

2009
02:19:56.640 --> 02:19:57.880
So like where.

2010
02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:06.680
When, like how do you know when it's time to learn about

2011
02:20:07.080 --> 02:20:09.900
not picking the right people or wrong,

2012
02:20:10.180 --> 02:20:15.320
not picking the wrong people and learning, learning more.

2013
02:20:15.640 --> 02:20:18.060
Yeah, I mean, after you finish the heart work,

2014
02:20:18.060 --> 02:20:20.680
when you go, if you choose to go into the next phases,

2015
02:20:20.680 --> 02:20:23.040
that is what we focus on largely.

2016
02:20:23.040 --> 02:20:24.760
You still will do heart work there,

2017
02:20:25.180 --> 02:20:28.300
but there will be a lot of new introduced.

2018
02:20:28.820 --> 02:20:30.920
And I will tell you that a lot of people

2019
02:20:30.920 --> 02:20:33.880
do have massive revealings for healing,

2020
02:20:34.080 --> 02:20:39.220
even when they try to date, all kinds of things come up.

2021
02:20:39.500 --> 02:20:44.700
But I think the biggest thing I hear you saying is that,

2022
02:20:48.440 --> 02:20:53.080
you saw something good and then the enemy told you

2023
02:20:53.080 --> 02:20:56.400
why you couldn't have it, essentially.

2024
02:20:57.280 --> 02:20:57.400
Yeah.

2025
02:20:58.000 --> 02:21:00.880
And so at the core of that, Deidre,

2026
02:21:02.380 --> 02:21:06.220
let's ask the Lord to reveal why you believe those lies.

2027
02:21:08.600 --> 02:21:10.360
Because that's what you need to know.

2028
02:21:11.000 --> 02:21:15.900
And I don't want you to feel like that you just have,

2029
02:21:16.000 --> 02:21:17.300
you're like too far gone.

2030
02:21:17.400 --> 02:21:19.540
You don't like, you're just gonna take too long to heal

2031
02:21:19.940 --> 02:21:21.740
because healing is a process

2032
02:21:21.740 --> 02:21:23.960
and you're gonna heal long into relationship,

2033
02:21:23.960 --> 02:21:26.640
long into engagement, long into marriage.

2034
02:21:27.220 --> 02:21:28.280
I'm still healing.

2035
02:21:29.360 --> 02:21:30.660
I just want you to know,

2036
02:21:30.720 --> 02:21:34.200
like it doesn't mean you can't meet your spirit mate, okay?

2037
02:21:34.200 --> 02:21:37.360
And so, yes, let's do the healing as much as we can

2038
02:21:37.360 --> 02:21:38.520
while you're here in the heart work.

2039
02:21:39.500 --> 02:21:41.800
Sometimes there are ladies that, like even Nari,

2040
02:21:42.100 --> 02:21:44.080
you know, she's been here a little bit longer.

2041
02:21:45.120 --> 02:21:46.120
Calandra's here tonight.

2042
02:21:46.240 --> 02:21:48.340
She felt led to go back and start over.

2043
02:21:48.640 --> 02:21:50.120
Not everybody's gonna feel led to do that,

2044
02:21:50.140 --> 02:21:51.960
but some people do feel led to do that.

2045
02:21:51.960 --> 02:21:56.380
And so if you feel led to, you know,

2046
02:21:56.380 --> 02:21:59.460
stay a little longer, get more healing, that's fine.

2047
02:21:59.480 --> 02:22:01.380
But some people feel led to be here

2048
02:22:01.380 --> 02:22:02.900
for the five weeks and move forward.

2049
02:22:03.380 --> 02:22:04.780
And so it's really leaning into

2050
02:22:04.780 --> 02:22:06.320
what the Lord is saying for you.

2051
02:22:07.460 --> 02:22:09.240
But I will say,

2052
02:22:09.260 --> 02:22:12.460
I wanna really give you a homework assignment

2053
02:22:13.120 --> 02:22:14.780
in addition to the activations.

2054
02:22:14.940 --> 02:22:16.580
I think this will be really good for you.

2055
02:22:17.640 --> 02:22:19.500
Number one, this is like a two-parter.

2056
02:22:20.460 --> 02:22:23.480
I want you to pray and ask the Lord to show you

2057
02:22:23.480 --> 02:22:25.960
what friends you have in your life

2058
02:22:26.660 --> 02:22:30.940
that you feel safe enough with to be the real you.

2059
02:22:32.680 --> 02:22:35.280
And what I mean by that is to let your silly,

2060
02:22:35.680 --> 02:22:38.280
fun side out in front of them.

2061
02:22:40.980 --> 02:22:42.060
Or adventurous.

2062
02:22:42.620 --> 02:22:43.820
I do have a friend like that.

2063
02:22:45.280 --> 02:22:48.480
We did another program together anyway.

2064
02:22:48.480 --> 02:22:50.360
God gave me a really great friend.

2065
02:22:50.460 --> 02:22:53.140
And the reason I want you to kind of pray about it

2066
02:22:53.140 --> 02:22:53.800
and think about it that way.

2067
02:22:53.860 --> 02:22:54.720
So you have this one friend.

2068
02:22:55.980 --> 02:22:57.120
Because here's the thing.

2069
02:22:57.960 --> 02:23:01.140
I agree, yes, some people draw that stuff out of us.

2070
02:23:01.560 --> 02:23:03.900
But what I want you to practice is

2071
02:23:03.900 --> 02:23:07.200
I want you to practice being that person on your own

2072
02:23:08.120 --> 02:23:10.440
without someone else having to pull it out of you.

2073
02:23:10.700 --> 02:23:13.120
I want you to be the initiator, okay?

2074
02:23:13.280 --> 02:23:16.360
And so part two of this activation for you

2075
02:23:17.300 --> 02:23:19.960
is I want you to practice being

2076
02:23:19.960 --> 02:23:22.160
the silly version of yourself.

2077
02:23:23.440 --> 02:23:24.640
Like literally intentionally

2078
02:23:24.740 --> 02:23:26.700
like doing something silly and fun.

2079
02:23:26.820 --> 02:23:29.040
You know, you said when I was dating that guy

2080
02:23:29.040 --> 02:23:31.900
or that fiance, he pulled it out of me.

2081
02:23:32.060 --> 02:23:34.720
Well, what were the things that you did

2082
02:23:34.720 --> 02:23:38.100
that felt great and go do those things?

2083
02:23:38.820 --> 02:23:40.140
I felt safe.

2084
02:23:40.360 --> 02:23:42.780
Like I like sliding on the floor, you know?

2085
02:23:42.780 --> 02:23:44.700
I'll run into my socks and slide.

2086
02:23:44.700 --> 02:23:46.720
You know, like I'll do,

2087
02:23:47.380 --> 02:23:49.940
I just, I knew it wouldn't make me feel stupid.

2088
02:23:50.360 --> 02:23:54.320
I knew, I think that's what I don't like feeling.

2089
02:23:54.560 --> 02:23:54.700
What?

2090
02:23:55.280 --> 02:23:57.160
So do you do those things when you're by yourself?

2091
02:23:58.120 --> 02:24:00.280
Yeah, and the Miranda voice.

2092
02:24:00.560 --> 02:24:01.960
My daughter taught me that.

2093
02:24:02.100 --> 02:24:03.580
So me and the Lord do the Miranda voice.

2094
02:24:04.240 --> 02:24:07.380
I mean, I do know how, yeah, I do.

2095
02:24:09.560 --> 02:24:12.660
But it's like I have to know them before I,

2096
02:24:12.960 --> 02:24:13.420
you know what I mean?

2097
02:24:13.420 --> 02:24:16.940
I'm really careful who sees that part of me.

2098
02:24:17.000 --> 02:24:18.920
Me too, me too.

2099
02:24:19.640 --> 02:24:21.220
I've told the ladies on here.

2100
02:24:21.380 --> 02:24:23.280
I mean, I army crawl to scare my husband.

2101
02:24:23.760 --> 02:24:26.580
You know, like my friends have seen that side of me,

2102
02:24:26.580 --> 02:24:27.460
a couple of them.

2103
02:24:27.560 --> 02:24:29.660
I don't show everybody that and that's okay.

2104
02:24:29.720 --> 02:24:31.100
We don't have to show everybody,

2105
02:24:31.620 --> 02:24:33.120
you know, everything about ourselves.

2106
02:24:33.260 --> 02:24:35.240
But I think because you,

2107
02:24:35.580 --> 02:24:37.960
I want you to come out of the belief

2108
02:24:38.120 --> 02:24:42.120
that it's just other people that pull that out of you.

2109
02:24:42.120 --> 02:24:45.820
I want you to really step into being that person,

2110
02:24:46.240 --> 02:24:48.100
even when other people are around,

2111
02:24:48.600 --> 02:24:50.720
even when it feels uncomfortable right now.

2112
02:24:51.080 --> 02:24:53.340
Because I think it's really important

2113
02:24:53.340 --> 02:24:55.380
for you to catch the realization

2114
02:24:55.640 --> 02:24:59.840
that that is who you can be on your own.

2115
02:25:00.000 --> 02:25:03.040
And then you get to find someone who else,

2116
02:25:03.540 --> 02:25:06.260
who like is fun and upbeat like that.

2117
02:25:06.260 --> 02:25:08.520
And then you guys can be like that together too.

2118
02:25:09.140 --> 02:25:10.380
Does that make sense?

2119
02:25:10.640 --> 02:25:13.160
Versus someone pulling it out of the other person.

2120
02:25:13.820 --> 02:25:15.460
Like Brian is silly and fun.

2121
02:25:15.660 --> 02:25:20.360
And yes, I definitely like, we both laugh,

2122
02:25:20.420 --> 02:25:21.820
but I do funny things.

2123
02:25:21.940 --> 02:25:25.300
I was doing funny things before he met me too.

2124
02:25:25.940 --> 02:25:27.860
It's just that, you know,

2125
02:25:27.860 --> 02:25:30.760
it's like when Elizabeth and Mary got around each other

2126
02:25:30.760 --> 02:25:32.680
and the babies left, it's like, you know,

2127
02:25:32.680 --> 02:25:35.600
we both carry gifts and we got around each other,

2128
02:25:35.700 --> 02:25:37.760
not just spiritual gifts, but the funny side

2129
02:25:37.760 --> 02:25:39.000
and the silliness.

2130
02:25:39.100 --> 02:25:41.400
And we got around each other and it kind of quickens

2131
02:25:41.400 --> 02:25:43.780
and wakens that up in each other.

2132
02:25:43.900 --> 02:25:48.620
And so I would love for y'all to really see that side of it

2133
02:25:48.620 --> 02:25:51.440
is that these gifts are in us.

2134
02:25:51.680 --> 02:25:54.660
And when we get around people that have similar things,

2135
02:25:55.080 --> 02:25:56.820
it quickens and awakens that.

2136
02:25:57.660 --> 02:26:00.500
Okay, so be those people.

2137
02:26:01.500 --> 02:26:04.380
Be those people that you wanna meet before you meet them.

2138
02:26:05.000 --> 02:26:07.500
I am thinking my phone's gonna die,

2139
02:26:07.720 --> 02:26:09.120
so I'm gonna go ahead.

2140
02:26:09.880 --> 02:26:11.440
Thank you for sharing that with us.

2141
02:26:11.580 --> 02:26:13.120
I wanna go ahead and pray us out tonight.

2142
02:26:13.640 --> 02:26:15.880
Ladies, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

2143
02:26:16.480 --> 02:26:18.840
God bless you before I pray.

2144
02:26:19.020 --> 02:26:22.320
I hope that you really allow the Lord to speak into you

2145
02:26:22.320 --> 02:26:24.840
more than anybody else that you're around

2146
02:26:24.940 --> 02:26:25.880
this holiday season.

2147
02:26:26.400 --> 02:26:28.120
Father, thank you so much for this night.

2148
02:26:28.220 --> 02:26:29.840
God, thank you for these amazing women.

2149
02:26:30.440 --> 02:26:31.820
God, we ask you to bless them

2150
02:26:31.820 --> 02:26:33.100
and guard and keep watch over them.

2151
02:26:33.240 --> 02:26:35.580
God, help them to continue to get breakthroughs

2152
02:26:35.580 --> 02:26:37.700
where they have felt distracted or restless.

2153
02:26:37.980 --> 02:26:39.300
God, I thank you for your peace.

2154
02:26:39.480 --> 02:26:41.660
I thank you for healing and focus.

2155
02:26:41.920 --> 02:26:44.840
God, I thank you for taking them to new levels

2156
02:26:44.840 --> 02:26:46.700
and new understanding and revelation

2157
02:26:46.760 --> 02:26:48.400
of all that you have for them.

2158
02:26:48.860 --> 02:26:50.980
God, help them to see themselves through your eyes,

2159
02:26:51.060 --> 02:26:52.880
to hear what your spirit is saying about them.

2160
02:26:53.400 --> 02:26:55.380
God, I thank you that you would just show them

2161
02:26:55.380 --> 02:26:58.180
their identity in Christ more than ever before

2162
02:26:58.180 --> 02:27:00.380
and show them who you are as their good,

2163
02:27:01.260 --> 02:27:03.100
good father in Jesus name.

2164
02:27:03.540 --> 02:27:03.980
Amen.

2165
02:27:04.200 --> 02:27:05.300
God bless you all.

2166
02:27:05.500 --> 02:27:06.560
I'll see you all in the group.

2167
02:27:07.400 --> 02:27:07.960
You're welcome.

2168
02:27:08.140 --> 02:27:09.360
Have a great night, everyone.

2169
02:27:09.580 --> 02:27:10.000
Bye-bye.