WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.800 go. Megan do people tell you that you look like Megan Trainor? I might have 2 00:00:06.800 --> 00:00:11.260 gotten that before but I feel like that's a compliment thank you. It is a 3 00:00:11.260 --> 00:00:14.980 compliment. Have you seen her lately? She's so cute. She did get a boob job. I 4 00:00:14.980 --> 00:00:21.660 don't blame her. She wanted it and I think that's great. Thank you. I feel 5 00:00:21.660 --> 00:00:27.860 like I get somebody else sometimes but anyway so I feel like it might be good 6 00:00:27.860 --> 00:00:33.120 to share. I've been talking to a guy it's been about a week and it's been 7 00:00:33.120 --> 00:00:38.940 going well. I felt hopeful about him although like I'm a little I'm feeling a 8 00:00:38.940 --> 00:00:42.600 little anxious today because I haven't heard back from him and I'm a little 9 00:00:42.600 --> 00:00:45.800 confused because we've been talking pretty regularly and so I don't know 10 00:00:45.800 --> 00:00:51.180 what's up but I'll give a little bit of the backstory. We met on Facebook dating 11 00:00:51.800 --> 00:00:57.480 and he's in San Antonio. I'm in San Antonio. He's in San Antonio. He's in PA 12 00:00:57.480 --> 00:01:02.920 school so I'm a physical therapist and he's about to finish with didactic and 13 00:01:02.920 --> 00:01:06.860 do clinicals and so I feel like we kind of have a lot of we just have a lot of 14 00:01:06.860 --> 00:01:10.660 connections like health wise or like health care. We're both in health care. 15 00:01:11.140 --> 00:01:17.520 He's really smart which I like that too. He's really into health and fitness and 16 00:01:18.280 --> 00:01:27.460 he's in the Coast Guard. He seems like a strong believer. He goes to church. He's 17 00:01:27.460 --> 00:01:33.740 his brother moved here for Lackland training. He talked about praying for his 18 00:01:33.740 --> 00:01:37.560 friend. His classmate went in the hospital this week and so he's been 19 00:01:37.560 --> 00:01:40.680 concerned for him and so they went and visited him and prayed for him so it's 20 00:01:40.700 --> 00:01:44.820 like those things I just feel like are good to hear that seems like he's like 21 00:01:44.820 --> 00:01:48.860 strong in his faith. He's just he's not just like he actually like lives it. It 22 00:01:48.860 --> 00:01:53.340 seems like we haven't had a chance to meet yet because of a couple of 23 00:01:53.340 --> 00:01:59.840 reasons like he had a huge test this past Monday like yesterday and so I was 24 00:01:59.840 --> 00:02:07.220 out of town like this past weekend and the weekend before. I feel like every 25 00:02:07.220 --> 00:02:11.520 like almost every day he sent me texts so like he'll have send me selfies and 26 00:02:11.520 --> 00:02:16.240 they're like pictures of himself like whether he's went on a he went on a run 27 00:02:16.240 --> 00:02:22.540 before his his test it was like a pre-test run and then like he sent me 28 00:02:22.540 --> 00:02:25.820 pictures when he went to work out or like when he was going to get sushi with 29 00:02:25.820 --> 00:02:30.900 his classmates and like I'm not used to getting all these like random texts and 30 00:02:30.900 --> 00:02:36.520 selfies but I love it. I'm like I'm here for it and he's made me laugh a lot like 31 00:02:36.520 --> 00:02:39.760 you were talking about that earlier about being funny and it's like 32 00:02:39.940 --> 00:02:44.900 reminding me that it's like such a good quality for a guy to have like just to 33 00:02:44.900 --> 00:02:49.940 make me laugh and so there's been a lot of like we've had a lot of good 34 00:02:49.940 --> 00:02:56.960 connection like all around he's cute I don't think I mentioned that so anyway I 35 00:02:56.960 --> 00:03:03.120 feel like it's going well he's kind of mentioned like us going to this one 36 00:03:03.120 --> 00:03:06.800 place and we haven't yet so like he's thrown it out there like it nothing's 37 00:03:06.800 --> 00:03:12.580 been planned yet and so you have you been sending him selfies back? I did 38 00:03:12.580 --> 00:03:16.380 send him like this past weekend like I said I guess I'll go ahead and send you 39 00:03:16.380 --> 00:03:22.760 some like I sent him some on Sunday like cuz he sent me his his selfie like 40 00:03:22.760 --> 00:03:27.160 before he went to church and so like afterwards I sent him a picture when I 41 00:03:27.160 --> 00:03:30.920 had gotten home and he was like love it and like I've sent him pictures when I 42 00:03:30.920 --> 00:03:35.460 went hiking like to Los Maples and he was like saying beautiful pics and all 43 00:03:35.460 --> 00:03:39.920 these things so yeah I've sent him pics too. Okay so let's talk about the 44 00:03:39.920 --> 00:03:43.500 test that he was taking was it a physical test like for the like the like 45 00:03:43.500 --> 00:03:49.020 for the fire department or was it like a test test? He's in he's in PA school 46 00:03:49.020 --> 00:03:55.040 like physician assistant so it's like it was a like one of his finals for the 47 00:03:55.040 --> 00:03:59.460 end of the semester it's like for it was on women's health and so it was 48 00:03:59.460 --> 00:04:04.280 yesterday though it was yesterday yes so it was yesterday so yesterday he told me 49 00:04:04.280 --> 00:04:09.940 it went well and then usually he'll text me over lunch or when he's done I feel 50 00:04:09.940 --> 00:04:14.920 like typically like he's a morning texter or like afternoon he goes to bed 51 00:04:14.920 --> 00:04:20.560 pretty early and so I had texted him during lunch again and told him what I 52 00:04:20.560 --> 00:04:30.560 like got for coffee at Merritt and the I guess it was the what happened the lady 53 00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:33.880 there like gave me a I didn't realize till later she gave me a student 54 00:04:33.960 --> 00:04:39.280 discount which I like told him I felt like it was a compliment cuz like I'm 55 00:04:39.280 --> 00:04:43.600 not a student I've been working a while and so and I sent him the picture and 56 00:04:43.720 --> 00:04:48.320 like anyway he would normally respond and so I just was surprised that he 57 00:04:48.320 --> 00:04:54.120 didn't respond and they are eventually and then today I just had like over in 58 00:04:54.120 --> 00:04:58.660 the afternoon I sent him a text like hey how's it going and so I still haven't 59 00:04:58.660 --> 00:04:59.980 heard back from him and so I still 60 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:02.340 started to feel kind of sad, a little disappointing, because 61 00:05:02.340 --> 00:05:05.800 I'm like, this happened recently with another guy where it was 62 00:05:05.800 --> 00:05:08.700 going really well. And like that guy, we almost facetimed and 63 00:05:08.700 --> 00:05:13.220 then it kind of fell off. And so I'm just wondering, like, 64 00:05:13.240 --> 00:05:15.620 okay, so how long have you guys been texting? 65 00:05:16.400 --> 00:05:21.560 Um, it's been about a week, I would say. And so I'm also about 66 00:05:21.560 --> 00:05:25.640 to go home to DFW for Thanksgiving this week, like in a 67 00:05:25.640 --> 00:05:29.180 couple days. So it makes it challenging with his like, test 68 00:05:29.180 --> 00:05:32.180 schedule, and then me like traveling. So I know, that kind 69 00:05:32.180 --> 00:05:35.400 of puts a barrier barrier and in our like plans for like trying 70 00:05:35.620 --> 00:05:38.560 to meet up like, okay, yeah. 71 00:05:38.560 --> 00:05:41.280 So let's talk about this. Okay, so let's talk about this. All 72 00:05:41.280 --> 00:05:45.400 right, you guys. So how many of you? We have a lot of hands up 73 00:05:45.400 --> 00:05:48.900 of people that want to ask a question. So how many of you 74 00:05:48.900 --> 00:05:51.560 when she was telling the story thought that she had been 75 00:05:51.560 --> 00:05:56.380 talking to this guy for at least a month or more? How many of 76 00:05:56.380 --> 00:05:58.440 you when you were listening to the story, you're actually kind 77 00:05:58.440 --> 00:06:00.680 of shook that she's only been talking to him for a week? 78 00:06:00.820 --> 00:06:04.200 Because it sounds like she's been talking to him for a lot 79 00:06:04.200 --> 00:06:08.320 longer than that, right? All these different selfies and 80 00:06:08.320 --> 00:06:11.200 different things, you know, and all the things. Okay. So I'm 81 00:06:11.200 --> 00:06:13.640 actually relieved that it's only been a week, Megan, even though 82 00:06:13.780 --> 00:06:17.180 it sounds like you guys have gotten a lot in in the course of 83 00:06:17.180 --> 00:06:20.520 one week, as far as texting back and forth, back and forth and 84 00:06:20.520 --> 00:06:26.000 selfies and all the things. So here's the good news. The 85 00:06:26.000 --> 00:06:30.080 good news is, if indeed goes to you, you're not really. 86 00:06:32.980 --> 00:06:37.020 Because you really like them. Hold on. I said, if indeed 87 00:06:37.020 --> 00:06:44.260 you're being ghosted. Can you hear me? I heard if you are you 88 00:06:44.260 --> 00:06:46.840 if you're indeed. Yeah, I can hear you right now. 89 00:06:48.500 --> 00:06:53.220 Okay, so if indeed that's what's happening, then it's it's good 90 00:06:53.220 --> 00:06:56.900 you found out this early one weekend before you get too 91 00:06:56.900 --> 00:07:00.300 intertwined because it's a lot of communication for one week a 92 00:07:00.300 --> 00:07:04.460 lot. Yeah. Okay. I thought for sure you have been talking for 93 00:07:06.980 --> 00:07:11.460 Yeah, well, but like you said, he has been his pattern has been 94 00:07:11.460 --> 00:07:15.120 for this week, texting continuously and now he's not 95 00:07:15.220 --> 00:07:19.060 responding. Not usually a good sign. I tell you that he's going 96 00:07:19.060 --> 00:07:22.360 to pop back up and give you a good reason why but normally 97 00:07:22.360 --> 00:07:24.380 what's going to happen now is you're not going to hear from 98 00:07:24.380 --> 00:07:27.020 him again. So that's what we want you to prepare for that. 99 00:07:27.480 --> 00:07:31.400 Yeah. Okay. I'm not into like making excuses for guys and just 100 00:07:31.400 --> 00:07:33.880 being like, Oh, well, you know, he had a big test yesterday and 101 00:07:33.880 --> 00:07:36.560 it's this and that and blah, blah, blah. Are you guys texting 102 00:07:36.560 --> 00:07:38.980 on an app? So are you he has your phone number? 103 00:07:39.000 --> 00:07:44.740 He has my phone number and like, yeah, I mean, I feel like it has 104 00:07:44.740 --> 00:07:47.760 been a lot of texting to where it's kind of like amped it up 105 00:07:47.760 --> 00:07:51.100 for me where I'm like, okay, I'm ready. And so I'm like, when is 106 00:07:51.100 --> 00:07:53.120 it gonna happen? And so I 107 00:07:53.120 --> 00:07:58.080 want a lot. That's a lot for one week. Yeah. Both is it's a win 108 00:07:58.080 --> 00:08:01.960 win. It's a win win situation. So the first win is is that if 109 00:08:01.960 --> 00:08:04.620 you don't hear from him again, you didn't invest more than a 110 00:08:04.620 --> 00:08:07.000 week and you didn't get all of your hopes tied up in something 111 00:08:07.000 --> 00:08:09.140 because this could go on this could have gone on for months 112 00:08:09.140 --> 00:08:12.160 and then it really would have been very disappointing. And 113 00:08:12.160 --> 00:08:15.660 then secondly, it sounds like you had fun. 114 00:08:15.880 --> 00:08:19.780 It's not fun. Yeah, like he's been making me laugh a lot. And 115 00:08:19.780 --> 00:08:23.360 but that's the disappointing part because I'm like, I want to 116 00:08:23.360 --> 00:08:27.760 meet in person and see how it goes. And so I think like, I 117 00:08:27.760 --> 00:08:32.159 guess a couple of things like I've heard from some other 118 00:08:32.159 --> 00:08:36.100 people where you can kind of like ghost bus like have one 119 00:08:36.159 --> 00:08:39.299 final like check in like, hey, just checking if you still 120 00:08:39.299 --> 00:08:42.419 wanted to connect like that kind of thing just because I feel 121 00:08:42.419 --> 00:08:44.900 like we've talked long enough, but you already did that you 122 00:08:44.900 --> 00:08:47.100 already reached out and you said, Hey, what's up and he 123 00:08:47.260 --> 00:08:50.580 hasn't responded. So you have two messages to him that he has 124 00:08:50.580 --> 00:08:53.400 not responded. That's true. Yeah. So I've kind of I guess 125 00:08:53.400 --> 00:08:57.320 already done that. He's had an opportunity. I agree. Okay, so 126 00:08:57.860 --> 00:09:01.560 that's, that's understandable. I think my the frustrating part 127 00:09:01.560 --> 00:09:05.340 for me is like, how you kind of process that where it doesn't 128 00:09:05.340 --> 00:09:08.680 feel like it's a full closure with that. And like the last 129 00:09:08.680 --> 00:09:11.800 guy, this was like the day of the anniversary party, he kind 130 00:09:11.800 --> 00:09:15.620 of ended things without really giving me I asked for clarity. 131 00:09:15.620 --> 00:09:18.880 And we had we were about to FaceTime and we didn't. And so 132 00:09:19.280 --> 00:09:22.160 but there was a lot of build up for that too. And then it's 133 00:09:22.420 --> 00:09:25.640 like, yeah, just in these situations, how do you process 134 00:09:25.640 --> 00:09:29.760 that that when a guy's ghosting you, and you were excited to 135 00:09:29.760 --> 00:09:32.340 meet them, like how you get closure from that and keep 136 00:09:32.340 --> 00:09:35.100 moving forward? I mean, I did move forward to this next guy. 137 00:09:35.520 --> 00:09:35.520 138 00:09:36.480 --> 00:09:39.300 yeah, no, it's you guys, it is disappointing. And this is what 139 00:09:39.300 --> 00:09:42.700 this is why modern dating sucks, right? This is not the way that 140 00:09:42.700 --> 00:09:45.400 we're supposed to do it. Like this is not the way that it was 141 00:09:45.400 --> 00:09:48.720 meant to be done. But we're doing our best out here with all 142 00:09:48.720 --> 00:09:52.260 this technology and all this ridiculousness. So first of all, 143 00:09:52.440 --> 00:09:55.620 have you ever watched a movie where the ending just left you 144 00:09:55.520 --> 00:09:59.800 like, what? And you know, you invested in the movie 145 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:02.100 watched it, you enjoyed parts of the movie, 146 00:10:02.420 --> 00:10:03.920 you laughed, you know, you cried, 147 00:10:04.040 --> 00:10:06.340 and you really wanted it to end a specific way, 148 00:10:06.340 --> 00:10:08.400 and then it just ended very confusing. 149 00:10:09.000 --> 00:10:11.540 There wasn't any closure, it didn't get tied up, 150 00:10:11.600 --> 00:10:13.100 there was no sequel coming out, 151 00:10:13.120 --> 00:10:15.700 it was just like, what the heck? 152 00:10:16.000 --> 00:10:19.520 And this is how these kinds of interactions, 153 00:10:19.700 --> 00:10:20.540 I don't even wanna call them, 154 00:10:20.620 --> 00:10:22.820 they're not a relationship, obviously, right? 155 00:10:22.820 --> 00:10:24.420 This connection, this interaction 156 00:10:24.420 --> 00:10:25.560 that we have with this person, 157 00:10:25.580 --> 00:10:27.120 that's how it leaves us feeling like, 158 00:10:27.640 --> 00:10:29.020 gosh, I wasted, you know, 159 00:10:29.020 --> 00:10:30.640 I feel like this when I watch a movie like that, 160 00:10:30.660 --> 00:10:33.020 I wasted two and a half hours of my time 161 00:10:33.100 --> 00:10:35.840 because this left me feeling very confused, 162 00:10:36.100 --> 00:10:38.700 like, there's no, like, ending for me. 163 00:10:38.880 --> 00:10:41.360 And so I know we'd rather have someone to show up 164 00:10:41.360 --> 00:10:44.360 and be like, hey, it's been fun talking to you 165 00:10:44.360 --> 00:10:45.660 and laughing with you, 166 00:10:45.740 --> 00:10:47.880 but I'm just really not feeling the kind of connection 167 00:10:48.040 --> 00:10:49.520 that I would need to move forward. 168 00:10:49.680 --> 00:10:50.400 But you know what? 169 00:10:50.860 --> 00:10:52.320 Someone would have to be really mature, 170 00:10:52.600 --> 00:10:54.860 a grown-up man, to do something like that, 171 00:10:54.860 --> 00:10:57.180 and unfortunately, there's a lot of men out there 172 00:10:57.180 --> 00:10:58.680 that just aren't willing to do that. 173 00:10:58.940 --> 00:11:00.860 Now, he could pop back up, 174 00:11:00.960 --> 00:11:02.980 and if he does, he better have a really good reason 175 00:11:02.980 --> 00:11:05.060 for leaving you on read for two whole days. 176 00:11:05.340 --> 00:11:07.660 But if he does, it's only been a week. 177 00:11:07.720 --> 00:11:10.220 If he does, you can't give him another chance. 178 00:11:10.540 --> 00:11:11.580 Immediately get in person, though. 179 00:11:11.580 --> 00:11:13.500 If he's not willing to do that, then sayonara. 180 00:11:14.080 --> 00:11:17.960 And also, if he does it again, then that's it, okay? 181 00:11:18.260 --> 00:11:20.080 It's not three strikes you're out, y'all. 182 00:11:20.080 --> 00:11:21.240 It's two strikes you're out. 183 00:11:21.280 --> 00:11:23.000 We'll give someone a second chance, 184 00:11:23.120 --> 00:11:25.200 but second chance is all. 185 00:11:25.680 --> 00:11:27.320 Ladies, please listen to me. 186 00:11:27.680 --> 00:11:28.540 Second chance is it. 187 00:11:29.220 --> 00:11:30.460 No third chance, second chance. 188 00:11:30.780 --> 00:11:31.520 Two strikes, you're out. 189 00:11:31.960 --> 00:11:34.660 And so, if he pops back up, but then he ghosts again, 190 00:11:35.500 --> 00:11:37.420 you guys, it's just common courtesy, 191 00:11:37.820 --> 00:11:40.140 especially when there's a pattern of communication 192 00:11:40.140 --> 00:11:41.100 that's been established. 193 00:11:41.520 --> 00:11:42.640 He doesn't know her or anything, 194 00:11:43.060 --> 00:11:45.340 but he established a pattern of communication 195 00:11:45.340 --> 00:11:47.140 where he was talking to her every day, 196 00:11:47.140 --> 00:11:48.180 where he was reaching out. 197 00:11:48.220 --> 00:11:49.400 You know, you ladies would know it, 198 00:11:49.440 --> 00:11:51.880 the whole good morning, good morning kind of thing, 199 00:11:51.880 --> 00:11:52.580 and all this stuff. 200 00:11:52.660 --> 00:11:54.320 And so, when we get used to that, 201 00:11:54.320 --> 00:11:55.500 and then someone falls off 202 00:11:55.500 --> 00:11:57.920 and drops off the face of the earth, it's rude. 203 00:11:58.620 --> 00:12:01.880 It's rude, and we would rather have them just say, 204 00:12:02.120 --> 00:12:03.340 oh, hey, I was talking to three other girls 205 00:12:03.340 --> 00:12:04.200 at the same time, 206 00:12:04.280 --> 00:12:07.080 and I actually wanna talk to this other girl and not you. 207 00:12:07.240 --> 00:12:09.680 Okay, bye, you know? 208 00:12:09.680 --> 00:12:12.700 And so, you can give him a second chance 209 00:12:13.240 --> 00:12:14.800 if he does pop back up, 210 00:12:15.000 --> 00:12:18.040 but usually in this case, he's not going to. 211 00:12:18.140 --> 00:12:19.720 And so, I really want you to get ready 212 00:12:19.780 --> 00:12:22.880 to have watched a movie that has really no ending, 213 00:12:23.520 --> 00:12:24.880 but guess what? 214 00:12:25.640 --> 00:12:27.480 You get to choose the next movie 215 00:12:27.480 --> 00:12:29.060 that you watch more carefully. 216 00:12:29.820 --> 00:12:30.960 Yeah, that's true. 217 00:12:31.620 --> 00:12:33.840 Yeah, so I guess your recommendation 218 00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:35.600 would be to leave it as is, 219 00:12:35.840 --> 00:12:38.240 and don't say anything else, 220 00:12:38.700 --> 00:12:41.580 like as far as I've already done before. 221 00:12:41.580 --> 00:12:42.160 You already said two things. 222 00:12:42.460 --> 00:12:43.960 Yeah, okay, gotcha. 223 00:12:44.300 --> 00:12:47.060 Do you test out on my attachment test 224 00:12:47.060 --> 00:12:47.980 as an anxious attacher? 225 00:12:48.200 --> 00:12:49.260 I think I am. 226 00:12:49.280 --> 00:12:51.080 I'm like feeling myself being, 227 00:12:51.080 --> 00:12:54.800 and this is where I'm feeling it come out, 228 00:12:55.380 --> 00:12:56.820 especially just because I hadn't heard from it, 229 00:12:56.840 --> 00:12:58.600 but he had built that consistency 230 00:12:58.600 --> 00:13:00.560 where it seems out of character for him, 231 00:13:01.040 --> 00:13:02.140 showing all this interest, 232 00:13:02.260 --> 00:13:03.480 and then I'm like, what happened? 233 00:13:03.900 --> 00:13:07.640 So, it's hard because it's like I wanna know why, 234 00:13:07.780 --> 00:13:09.140 and I'm like, yeah. 235 00:13:09.180 --> 00:13:10.140 Here's the bad news. 236 00:13:10.180 --> 00:13:11.040 I already gave you the good news. 237 00:13:11.120 --> 00:13:13.280 The bad news is we don't know that it's out of character 238 00:13:13.280 --> 00:13:14.760 because we've only known him a week, 239 00:13:14.820 --> 00:13:17.720 and this actually could be exactly in character for him. 240 00:13:17.920 --> 00:13:20.720 That's true, yeah, we don't know each other, yeah. 241 00:13:20.720 --> 00:13:22.540 Yeah, it's just disappointing, 242 00:13:22.540 --> 00:13:24.700 but I like that analogy with the movie. 243 00:13:25.220 --> 00:13:27.300 It's disappointing, but guess what? 244 00:13:27.420 --> 00:13:29.520 You are young, and you are beautiful, 245 00:13:29.740 --> 00:13:32.700 and you are going home for the holidays, 246 00:13:32.740 --> 00:13:34.220 and anything is possible. 247 00:13:35.080 --> 00:13:36.180 This is true. 248 00:13:36.300 --> 00:13:37.360 Thank you so much. 249 00:13:37.820 --> 00:13:39.100 All right, keep us posted, will you? 250 00:13:39.360 --> 00:13:40.280 I will do. 251 00:13:40.680 --> 00:13:43.240 Okay, and please refrain from trying 252 00:13:43.240 --> 00:13:45.440 to get yet another ending. 253 00:13:45.620 --> 00:13:46.580 Just let it lie. 254 00:13:47.060 --> 00:13:47.920 Okay, I'll try. 255 00:13:48.000 --> 00:13:49.000 Okay, you can do it. 256 00:13:49.000 --> 00:13:49.980 You can do it. 257 00:13:49.980 --> 00:13:51.100 I promise you. 258 00:13:51.440 --> 00:13:51.440 259 00:13:51.940 --> 00:13:52.400 Thanks. 260 00:13:52.460 --> 00:13:54.100 And ladies, it's important now. 261 00:13:54.440 --> 00:13:55.980 Listen, let me give you another scenario. 262 00:13:56.600 --> 00:13:59.080 Someone who's been talking to you like that, 263 00:13:59.080 --> 00:14:00.660 and she knows he has a big test. 264 00:14:00.800 --> 00:14:02.040 He had a couple different things. 265 00:14:02.900 --> 00:14:05.100 Giving that person an opportunity 266 00:14:05.120 --> 00:14:07.660 after they have not said anything to you, 267 00:14:07.660 --> 00:14:08.480 like the first time, 268 00:14:08.700 --> 00:14:10.560 she's used to hearing from him every day, 269 00:14:10.900 --> 00:14:13.700 so it was radio silence for 24 hours. 270 00:14:14.960 --> 00:14:16.400 Reaching out and being like, 271 00:14:16.680 --> 00:14:18.220 hey, how was your test? 272 00:14:18.320 --> 00:14:19.100 How are you doing? 273 00:14:19.100 --> 00:14:20.420 What's good? 274 00:14:20.660 --> 00:14:22.100 That is totally fine, 275 00:14:22.240 --> 00:14:24.280 because what will happen to some people 276 00:14:24.280 --> 00:14:25.520 is that they'll be like, 277 00:14:25.580 --> 00:14:27.540 oh, shoot, I didn't reach out for 24 hours, 278 00:14:27.540 --> 00:14:29.360 and now they'll be afraid to reach out 279 00:14:29.360 --> 00:14:31.800 because they'll think that you actually are mad at them. 280 00:14:32.680 --> 00:14:36.860 And a lot of men think women get mad very easily. 281 00:14:37.360 --> 00:14:38.880 I will tell you that about men. 282 00:14:39.300 --> 00:14:41.160 And so giving them that opportunity 283 00:14:41.160 --> 00:14:42.900 to kind of get back into good graces 284 00:14:43.260 --> 00:14:46.460 after you haven't heard from them for 24 or 48 hours, 285 00:14:46.540 --> 00:14:47.540 but she did that. 286 00:14:47.700 --> 00:14:48.580 She did reach out, 287 00:14:48.580 --> 00:14:49.640 and she was just like, 288 00:14:49.640 --> 00:14:51.400 she opened the door back up and said, 289 00:14:51.700 --> 00:14:53.900 hey, and it's okay to do that, 290 00:14:54.560 --> 00:14:56.680 but you definitely do not want to be doing that 291 00:14:56.680 --> 00:14:58.700 repeatedly with any one person, okay? 292 00:14:58.840 --> 00:14:59.600 If they're interested, 293 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:01.380 Trust me, men will. 294 00:15:02.380 --> 00:15:02.620 They will. 295 00:15:03.220 --> 00:15:04.660 It's not an old wives tale. 296 00:15:04.840 --> 00:15:06.460 If men want to, they do. 297 00:15:06.820 --> 00:15:08.020 And that's just the bottom line. 298 00:15:08.460 --> 00:15:10.700 All right, Lauren, you have a question? 299 00:15:19.940 --> 00:15:21.980 Okay, Crystal has a question. 300 00:15:23.460 --> 00:15:24.580 Can you guys hear me? 301 00:15:27.320 --> 00:15:28.340 Can you hear me? 302 00:15:28.340 --> 00:15:30.440 Yes, we can hear you. 303 00:15:30.440 --> 00:15:31.080 Yeah, we can hear you. 304 00:15:31.540 --> 00:15:32.220 Okay, let's go. 305 00:15:32.780 --> 00:15:34.080 Crystal, what's your question? 306 00:15:34.500 --> 00:15:35.480 Here we are, sorry. 307 00:15:35.660 --> 00:15:36.100 It's a little dark. 308 00:15:36.200 --> 00:15:37.360 It's a rough day at the farm with Lily. 309 00:15:38.800 --> 00:15:41.740 So I think I have a situationship. 310 00:15:42.800 --> 00:15:43.680 With your baby? 311 00:15:44.680 --> 00:15:47.060 No, with someone that I've never spoken about 312 00:15:47.240 --> 00:15:50.200 since I came into last year's single. 313 00:15:50.340 --> 00:15:54.900 So I was friends with a guy and his wife. 314 00:15:54.960 --> 00:15:56.920 Like they were friends of mine and friends of our family. 315 00:15:58.260 --> 00:15:59.140 Since 2007. 316 00:15:59.940 --> 00:16:03.520 And his wife passed away in 15, 2015. 317 00:16:04.560 --> 00:16:07.520 And I was like very good friends with them. 318 00:16:08.440 --> 00:16:10.220 And anyways, after his wife passed away, 319 00:16:10.380 --> 00:16:13.200 we dated like a year after his wife passed away, we dated. 320 00:16:14.460 --> 00:16:16.940 And he didn't want to get married 321 00:16:16.940 --> 00:16:18.160 or he didn't want to have kids. 322 00:16:18.160 --> 00:16:20.100 And he's not like sold out believer for Christ. 323 00:16:20.180 --> 00:16:21.820 Cause when I came to last year single, 324 00:16:22.540 --> 00:16:25.480 I figured out that like, my family was amazing. 325 00:16:25.480 --> 00:16:27.080 My mom took us to church all our lives, 326 00:16:27.160 --> 00:16:29.380 but my dad was kind of, he didn't go with us. 327 00:16:29.400 --> 00:16:30.700 He gave his life to Christ at the end. 328 00:16:30.780 --> 00:16:31.820 He got baptized and everything like that. 329 00:16:31.820 --> 00:16:34.080 But he was kind of like the not sold out guy for Christ. 330 00:16:34.120 --> 00:16:37.340 He was amazing father, but not in that respect. 331 00:16:37.660 --> 00:16:39.020 So when I came in, I figured out 332 00:16:39.100 --> 00:16:40.880 that this was what I was always looking. 333 00:16:40.900 --> 00:16:42.160 Like I was always looking for this, 334 00:16:42.360 --> 00:16:44.500 like the same thing that I knew all my life, right? 335 00:16:44.680 --> 00:16:45.400 That familiarity. 336 00:16:46.740 --> 00:16:48.560 And he's kind of that familiarity. 337 00:16:49.040 --> 00:16:51.100 So anyways, we decided and he's dated other people 338 00:16:51.100 --> 00:16:52.020 and I've dated other people. 339 00:16:52.960 --> 00:16:55.120 And when I was engaged to my ex-fiance, 340 00:16:55.380 --> 00:16:57.360 I wasn't even allowed to talk to him, 341 00:16:57.620 --> 00:17:00.800 like send him a text message or anything like that. 342 00:17:01.820 --> 00:17:03.660 And now like after my, it's been, 343 00:17:04.200 --> 00:17:05.200 I guess a year and a bit or whatever. 344 00:17:05.599 --> 00:17:06.819 No, not even, since May, 345 00:17:07.000 --> 00:17:08.960 since my ex-fiance is finally like off the roster 346 00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:11.200 and leaving me alone and stopped threatening me. 347 00:17:11.280 --> 00:17:11.940 Thank God. 348 00:17:12.099 --> 00:17:15.380 Anyways, we do a fair amount of things together. 349 00:17:15.819 --> 00:17:17.780 Like we're probably, we're best friends really. 350 00:17:17.839 --> 00:17:19.599 He's the person that can call me in the middle of the night. 351 00:17:19.599 --> 00:17:21.520 He has, and I've called him in the middle of the night. 352 00:17:22.760 --> 00:17:25.220 I actually have probably mostly guy friends 353 00:17:25.220 --> 00:17:26.060 than girlfriends. 354 00:17:26.099 --> 00:17:28.040 I get along really well with guys. 355 00:17:29.080 --> 00:17:32.880 So I don't know if that's kind of hindering my progress here 356 00:17:32.880 --> 00:17:34.300 but I mean, we laugh, we have fun. 357 00:17:35.880 --> 00:17:38.280 So I'm like, maybe this is a problematic situation. 358 00:17:38.300 --> 00:17:39.340 Let me ask you a question. 359 00:17:39.760 --> 00:17:43.180 I know that you know all those things about him, okay? 360 00:17:43.180 --> 00:17:45.560 From right after his wife passed away. 361 00:17:46.700 --> 00:17:48.800 How long ago has it been 362 00:17:48.800 --> 00:17:51.260 since you guys talked about those topics? 363 00:17:53.040 --> 00:17:55.180 About like what he wants about, you know, 364 00:17:55.180 --> 00:17:56.500 possibly getting married in the future, 365 00:17:56.640 --> 00:18:00.220 you know, having children, what he thinks about his faith. 366 00:18:00.360 --> 00:18:02.540 Like how long has it been since you guys really had 367 00:18:02.540 --> 00:18:04.760 like a check-in on those topics? 368 00:18:06.720 --> 00:18:11.300 Well, he's, so he's 14 years older than me. 369 00:18:11.340 --> 00:18:14.320 So he's pretty much, you know, doesn't want, 370 00:18:14.320 --> 00:18:15.940 like, I don't know. 371 00:18:16.760 --> 00:18:18.260 Okay, we've had check-ins on it 372 00:18:18.740 --> 00:18:21.340 because the reason why for his kids situation, 373 00:18:21.500 --> 00:18:22.880 like I think, you know, his wife, 374 00:18:23.200 --> 00:18:24.140 they were married for 28 years, 375 00:18:24.400 --> 00:18:26.640 amazing, faithful, loving guy, 376 00:18:26.720 --> 00:18:28.300 but he didn't have kids 377 00:18:28.300 --> 00:18:30.680 and she had two kids when they got married together. 378 00:18:31.020 --> 00:18:32.460 So he asked to have a kid 379 00:18:32.460 --> 00:18:33.920 and she was like, if you wanna have kids, 380 00:18:34.020 --> 00:18:36.560 cause he raced horses and worked at Chrysler his whole life. 381 00:18:37.200 --> 00:18:38.900 She's like, you either gotta give up the racing 382 00:18:38.900 --> 00:18:40.640 if you want a kid, cause I'm not gonna look after it. 383 00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:43.460 So I think that kind of like put a damper 384 00:18:43.540 --> 00:18:46.980 on his like thing about kids because he's always here. 385 00:18:46.980 --> 00:18:48.300 He's always helping with Lily. 386 00:18:48.480 --> 00:18:50.420 I mean, he carries her around, he feeds her. 387 00:18:50.540 --> 00:18:52.680 He looked like, I just think, you know, 388 00:18:52.680 --> 00:18:54.680 but he's like, he's very- 389 00:18:54.680 --> 00:18:55.940 Let me ask you a better question. 390 00:18:56.060 --> 00:18:57.580 How often is he coming over 391 00:18:57.580 --> 00:18:59.700 and doing all the things you're talking about? 392 00:18:59.760 --> 00:19:00.320 I don't know. 393 00:19:00.340 --> 00:19:01.600 We see each other a couple of times a week. 394 00:19:03.700 --> 00:19:04.600 Hey, you're right. 395 00:19:04.720 --> 00:19:07.340 You're in a situation and shit for sure. 396 00:19:07.780 --> 00:19:08.760 But here's the thing. 397 00:19:08.760 --> 00:19:12.260 The thing is, is that, you know, 398 00:19:12.260 --> 00:19:14.260 you have to decide whether or not, 399 00:19:14.280 --> 00:19:17.160 it sounds like he wants to be with you at some level, 400 00:19:18.060 --> 00:19:20.240 but he's not what you're looking for 401 00:19:20.240 --> 00:19:23.040 as far as you don't want a man like your father. 402 00:19:23.360 --> 00:19:26.040 Like here's the tricky thing about Crystal's situation. 403 00:19:26.500 --> 00:19:28.600 Did you hear her say she had a really good father? 404 00:19:28.760 --> 00:19:29.680 She loved her father. 405 00:19:29.760 --> 00:19:31.280 He was a good dad to her. 406 00:19:31.400 --> 00:19:35.620 He just wasn't a spiritual leader in the family. 407 00:19:35.700 --> 00:19:37.460 He wasn't taking them to church. 408 00:19:37.460 --> 00:19:39.120 He wasn't teaching them about God, 409 00:19:39.160 --> 00:19:41.200 but he was great in all these other ways. 410 00:19:41.800 --> 00:19:44.120 And so ladies, I just want to let you know, 411 00:19:44.280 --> 00:19:45.780 and I know this is gonna be shocking to some of you, 412 00:19:45.860 --> 00:19:47.620 and this is not necessarily advice for Crystal, 413 00:19:47.740 --> 00:19:48.920 but I just want to let you know, 414 00:19:49.300 --> 00:19:52.260 there are women, I have clients, even private clients, 415 00:19:52.440 --> 00:19:53.680 they're pastors at their church. 416 00:19:53.840 --> 00:19:56.020 They are pastors at their churches, 417 00:19:56.400 --> 00:19:57.940 big churches, small churches. 418 00:19:58.100 --> 00:19:59.920 They are leaders in the body of Christ. 419 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.420 They are not looking for a man to spiritually lead them. 420 00:20:03.780 --> 00:20:04.320 They're not. 421 00:20:04.780 --> 00:20:08.320 And it's okay to them if their husband 422 00:20:08.400 --> 00:20:10.760 is even a baby believer. 423 00:20:11.380 --> 00:20:12.940 As long as he is a believer, 424 00:20:13.080 --> 00:20:15.780 they're not looking for him to, you know, 425 00:20:15.780 --> 00:20:17.640 show them the way when it comes to spirituality. 426 00:20:17.880 --> 00:20:20.400 They're not looking to show him the way either, 427 00:20:20.520 --> 00:20:24.140 but they just want someone who is faithful and reliable 428 00:20:24.940 --> 00:20:29.260 and, you know, honest and, you know, other qualities. 429 00:20:29.780 --> 00:20:30.860 And so, and they're not, 430 00:20:31.040 --> 00:20:33.320 so they're gonna marry someone like that, 431 00:20:33.320 --> 00:20:35.440 even if they barely know Christ 432 00:20:35.440 --> 00:20:38.200 or if they're even agnostic at some level. 433 00:20:38.240 --> 00:20:39.760 I know that shocks some of you 434 00:20:39.760 --> 00:20:41.260 and some of you are like, oh, that's terrible. 435 00:20:41.320 --> 00:20:43.580 But for them, it's not, that's their love story. 436 00:20:43.660 --> 00:20:45.400 It's not yours, but it's theirs. 437 00:20:45.440 --> 00:20:48.180 And so we all have to make a decision with the Lord, 438 00:20:48.240 --> 00:20:49.620 with the help of Holy Spirit, 439 00:20:49.700 --> 00:20:51.320 what does my love story look like? 440 00:20:52.020 --> 00:20:53.560 What does my love story look like? 441 00:20:53.580 --> 00:20:55.700 I don't need David Dorman to lead me spiritually. 442 00:20:57.200 --> 00:20:58.280 I'm good there. 443 00:20:58.280 --> 00:21:00.500 You know, I know the word, I know Holy Spirit. 444 00:21:00.660 --> 00:21:01.520 I'm very prophetic. 445 00:21:01.660 --> 00:21:03.940 But what I do need in my partnership 446 00:21:04.160 --> 00:21:06.500 is I need someone who's going to, 447 00:21:07.000 --> 00:21:08.300 if I wake up in the middle of the night 448 00:21:08.700 --> 00:21:11.540 and I'm dealing with something or I'm afraid, 449 00:21:11.700 --> 00:21:14.900 you know, I very often get attacked physically, 450 00:21:15.060 --> 00:21:17.480 as you guys have seen, that are in this program. 451 00:21:17.780 --> 00:21:19.480 The enemy comes after me physically 452 00:21:19.480 --> 00:21:20.800 and different things happen. 453 00:21:20.840 --> 00:21:22.860 I need a husband who's gonna raise the standard, 454 00:21:23.600 --> 00:21:26.280 who's going to cover me in prayer, 455 00:21:26.840 --> 00:21:28.460 who's going to, you know, 456 00:21:28.460 --> 00:21:30.440 not just show up in his physical person, 457 00:21:30.540 --> 00:21:32.180 but also in his spiritual person. 458 00:21:32.340 --> 00:21:34.660 That's what I need because of what I'm called to 459 00:21:34.660 --> 00:21:36.360 and what I do with my life. 460 00:21:36.360 --> 00:21:39.700 But all of you need something different as far as intimate. 461 00:21:39.920 --> 00:21:42.140 And it's really important for you to get with Holy Spirit 462 00:21:42.140 --> 00:21:43.440 about what that looks like 463 00:21:43.440 --> 00:21:45.580 so that your non-negotiables from heaven 464 00:21:46.860 --> 00:21:49.400 can be in alignment with your love story. 465 00:21:49.740 --> 00:21:52.760 So Crystal, is one of your non-negotiables from heaven 466 00:21:52.760 --> 00:21:59.640 that your husband would be someone who is on fire for Jesus? 467 00:22:02.380 --> 00:22:03.600 I mean, I would like him to be. 468 00:22:03.780 --> 00:22:04.820 We actually had this conversation 469 00:22:04.820 --> 00:22:06.100 probably about two weeks ago. 470 00:22:06.580 --> 00:22:08.880 Not preference, non-negotiable. 471 00:22:13.660 --> 00:22:15.320 I would like that, yes. 472 00:22:16.140 --> 00:22:17.240 Once again, that's a preference. 473 00:22:17.340 --> 00:22:18.720 When we say, I would like it, 474 00:22:20.660 --> 00:22:21.960 it's still just a preference. 475 00:22:21.960 --> 00:22:22.780 I would like it. 476 00:22:22.960 --> 00:22:25.760 I need you to say, I have to have it. 477 00:22:25.820 --> 00:22:28.200 It's a deal breaker if it is, if it is. 478 00:22:28.940 --> 00:22:30.600 And you guys, the reason why I'm talking to Crystal 479 00:22:30.600 --> 00:22:31.800 like this, because I know Crystal. 480 00:22:32.120 --> 00:22:34.220 I know who she is in the spirit. 481 00:22:34.460 --> 00:22:37.880 I mean, I know, you know, what she knows about the Lord 482 00:22:37.880 --> 00:22:39.780 and where she's come from and, you know, 483 00:22:39.800 --> 00:22:41.020 how she's been mentored. 484 00:22:41.380 --> 00:22:44.360 And so I could see her marrying a marketplace guy. 485 00:22:44.400 --> 00:22:46.140 I could see her marrying someone 486 00:22:46.140 --> 00:22:47.760 who's not agnostic necessarily, 487 00:22:48.040 --> 00:22:50.320 but somebody who is just really dependable 488 00:22:50.320 --> 00:22:52.960 and, you know, and very open 489 00:22:53.720 --> 00:22:57.260 and isn't going to try to keep her from continuing 490 00:22:57.320 --> 00:22:59.540 in what it is that she is doing 491 00:22:59.860 --> 00:23:01.480 that will always be supportive of her. 492 00:23:01.480 --> 00:23:02.500 I could see that happening. 493 00:23:02.720 --> 00:23:05.080 And so, but she needs to make a decision 494 00:23:05.080 --> 00:23:06.640 on whether or not she needs someone 495 00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:08.120 who's her spiritual twin or not. 496 00:23:09.540 --> 00:23:11.420 Friends, we don't have to- 497 00:23:11.420 --> 00:23:13.440 This is good what you just said a minute ago, 498 00:23:13.480 --> 00:23:15.680 because I mean, like he is, he's dependable. 499 00:23:16.380 --> 00:23:18.560 He's, and we just had a conversation about a week ago 500 00:23:18.560 --> 00:23:19.800 when there was a worship night at the church, 501 00:23:19.800 --> 00:23:22.680 because he'll go to anything that I ask him to go to. 502 00:23:22.820 --> 00:23:24.400 I mean, when he came out to visit me in California, 503 00:23:24.660 --> 00:23:25.940 you know, he came to church with me. 504 00:23:26.100 --> 00:23:27.120 You know, he's not. 505 00:23:27.340 --> 00:23:28.540 And I said to him, I said, you know, 506 00:23:28.540 --> 00:23:30.620 I'm looking for someone who's on fire for God. 507 00:23:30.780 --> 00:23:33.400 And he said, he bluntly looked at me and he said, 508 00:23:33.660 --> 00:23:35.740 you know, Crystal, everybody's relationship with God 509 00:23:35.740 --> 00:23:37.480 doesn't need to look like yours. 510 00:23:37.740 --> 00:23:38.740 That's what he said to me. 511 00:23:38.900 --> 00:23:39.280 It's true. 512 00:23:39.540 --> 00:23:41.000 And I was like, that was good. 513 00:23:41.060 --> 00:23:43.120 I didn't have anything to say back to him. 514 00:23:43.180 --> 00:23:44.280 I was like, he goes, you know, 515 00:23:44.440 --> 00:23:46.300 like my prayer life may not look like yours. 516 00:23:46.300 --> 00:23:47.840 He goes, it doesn't mean I don't have one. 517 00:23:48.920 --> 00:23:49.680 It's true. 518 00:23:49.780 --> 00:23:52.080 And so what I was going to say when I said to Crystal, 519 00:23:52.200 --> 00:23:53.780 whether or not she needs her spiritual twin, 520 00:23:53.920 --> 00:23:55.200 what I was going to say in the next breath 521 00:23:55.200 --> 00:23:56.260 is there's no such thing. 522 00:23:56.500 --> 00:23:58.180 So friends, if you want someone 523 00:23:58.180 --> 00:23:59.920 who's exactly like you spiritually, 524 00:24:00.260 --> 00:24:01.560 you're not going to find that 525 00:24:01.560 --> 00:24:03.120 because we're like snowflakes spiritually. 526 00:24:03.400 --> 00:24:04.180 We're all different. 527 00:24:04.280 --> 00:24:05.720 We're all different spiritually, 528 00:24:05.940 --> 00:24:08.720 but we need someone who's compatible to us spiritually. 529 00:24:09.540 --> 00:24:10.580 We need that. 530 00:24:10.880 --> 00:24:13.360 We need someone who's going to not interfere 531 00:24:13.360 --> 00:24:15.080 with our personal relationship with God. 532 00:24:15.220 --> 00:24:17.560 Let us worship the way that works for us. 533 00:24:17.560 --> 00:24:18.680 In fact, in Symbus, 534 00:24:19.260 --> 00:24:22.380 hopefully all of you will take premarital coaching with us 535 00:24:22.380 --> 00:24:23.380 when it comes time. 536 00:24:23.900 --> 00:24:29.340 We teach people to be able to, you know, 537 00:24:29.340 --> 00:24:30.340 build a life together, 538 00:24:30.380 --> 00:24:31.780 even though you're different spiritually. 539 00:24:32.020 --> 00:24:33.340 Like there's a whole unit, 540 00:24:33.560 --> 00:24:35.140 a whole module on spirituality 541 00:24:35.140 --> 00:24:38.380 and allowing the other person to grow with the Lord 542 00:24:38.380 --> 00:24:41.500 the way they grow without trying to force them 543 00:24:41.500 --> 00:24:43.120 to do what you think is spiritual 544 00:24:43.120 --> 00:24:46.980 or what you like to do and how you relate to the Lord. 545 00:24:46.980 --> 00:24:47.620 Make sense? 546 00:24:48.380 --> 00:24:50.440 So I feel like it's a yes until it's no, Crystal. 547 00:24:50.560 --> 00:24:52.400 It doesn't really seem like it's quite a no yet. 548 00:24:53.040 --> 00:24:54.700 I think if you put it before the Lord 549 00:24:54.700 --> 00:24:56.200 and you really ask him to show you 550 00:24:56.200 --> 00:24:59.040 what you need to see in this relationship. 551 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.340 Um, you know, I think you could possibly make a decision before, before, 552 00:25:04.640 --> 00:25:06.400 uh, the beginning of next year. 553 00:25:08.800 --> 00:25:09.200 Yeah. 554 00:25:09.700 --> 00:25:10.780 Keep us, they have a joke. 555 00:25:10.880 --> 00:25:11.900 They have a joke in my family. 556 00:25:12.000 --> 00:25:12.800 Everybody loves Gino. 557 00:25:13.040 --> 00:25:14.900 That's that's the, I mean, everyone loves him. 558 00:25:14.940 --> 00:25:17.240 He he's probably, he's more positive than I am. 559 00:25:17.260 --> 00:25:19.700 He has, you know, a lot of different, you know, characteristics. 560 00:25:19.860 --> 00:25:23.300 You know, when I, whenever I'm, you know, I'm the glass half full, he's the, he's 561 00:25:23.300 --> 00:25:26.920 the, or the glass half empty, he's the glass half full guy, you know, so. 562 00:25:27.540 --> 00:25:28.600 He sounds like a great guy. 563 00:25:29.460 --> 00:25:30.500 He is a great guy. 564 00:25:30.700 --> 00:25:32.440 I mean, it just, you know, I would love to have children. 565 00:25:32.560 --> 00:25:35.340 I would have loved to have children on my own, but you know, I guess maybe I have 566 00:25:35.340 --> 00:25:39.260 a lot of things that I need to look, look at with the Lord again, you know, over it. 567 00:25:39.260 --> 00:25:41.780 But I mean, you know, like, I don't want to just settle either. 568 00:25:42.360 --> 00:25:44.720 Like, you know, that's, that's, you know, 569 00:25:45.340 --> 00:25:46.180 well, here's the thing. 570 00:25:46.180 --> 00:25:49.480 You're not even really sure if you can have children as far as biologically. 571 00:25:49.660 --> 00:25:51.880 And from where I'm sitting, it kind of looks like you 572 00:25:52.040 --> 00:25:53.600 might actually have children. 573 00:25:56.220 --> 00:26:02.920 So, I mean, you're literally holding a baby right now and so, yeah, so, and 574 00:26:02.920 --> 00:26:06.880 ladies, for all of you that are really hoping to mother and use your mothering 575 00:26:06.880 --> 00:26:13.280 gift to raise children in a home with you, God can fulfill that desire in so 576 00:26:13.280 --> 00:26:14.020 many different ways. 577 00:26:14.060 --> 00:26:17.940 And I really, really would love for you to surrender that desire to the Lord, 578 00:26:18.280 --> 00:26:23.580 especially for those of you that are in your upper forties, just, just, just 579 00:26:23.580 --> 00:26:24.480 surrender it to the Lord. 580 00:26:25.780 --> 00:26:27.620 Can you have a baby from your own body? 581 00:26:28.720 --> 00:26:28.940 Sure. 582 00:26:30.120 --> 00:26:31.320 Might it look some other way? 583 00:26:31.720 --> 00:26:32.160 Yeah. 584 00:26:32.920 --> 00:26:36.220 And, and any which way that it is, you know, coming from a woman who has 585 00:26:36.220 --> 00:26:40.880 children that I both gave birth to, and I also, you know, someone else gave birth 586 00:26:40.880 --> 00:26:43.240 to them, but they're my children. 587 00:26:43.860 --> 00:26:45.600 Um, I know what I'm talking about. 588 00:26:45.800 --> 00:26:47.900 The love is the same. 589 00:26:49.360 --> 00:26:50.260 It's the same. 590 00:26:50.840 --> 00:26:53.480 I mean, you love them all differently just because you love every child 591 00:26:53.480 --> 00:26:56.700 differently, no matter what, whether they came from your body or not there 592 00:26:56.700 --> 00:26:59.720 because of their, you know, personalities and temperaments and all the different 593 00:26:59.720 --> 00:27:04.480 things with their genders, the way that they love you, the way that you interact 594 00:27:04.480 --> 00:27:05.060 with them. 595 00:27:05.320 --> 00:27:11.380 Um, but I love dearly all of my children and, you know, and, um, I love them all 596 00:27:11.380 --> 00:27:14.940 differently, but not based on whether I gave birth to them or not. 597 00:27:15.460 --> 00:27:16.680 I love them all. 598 00:27:16.680 --> 00:27:20.500 I love them all ferociously, but differently. 599 00:27:20.960 --> 00:27:23.280 And, um, it's, it's, it's awesome. 600 00:27:24.000 --> 00:27:27.300 Being a mom, uh, of bios and non-bios is awesome. 601 00:27:27.720 --> 00:27:28.060 All right. 602 00:27:28.580 --> 00:27:29.500 So, um, 603 00:27:29.780 --> 00:27:32.280 take it before the Lord situation right now. 604 00:27:32.880 --> 00:27:33.360 Yeah. 605 00:27:33.360 --> 00:27:38.500 And just, and, and, and don't, and don't need like a right now, tomorrow dream in 606 00:27:38.500 --> 00:27:44.240 the middle of the night in the next 48 hours answer, just kind of let God show 607 00:27:44.240 --> 00:27:45.460 you what you need to see. 608 00:27:45.760 --> 00:27:49.700 Teach me, show me, heal me, grow me for the next 60 days into the first of the 609 00:27:49.700 --> 00:27:49.880 year. 610 00:27:49.880 --> 00:27:54.920 I think it's important for you, Crystal, to, if it really is going to, it's a yes 611 00:27:54.920 --> 00:27:58.200 until it's no, if it really is going to be a no that you start that new year 612 00:27:58.200 --> 00:27:58.620 fresh. 613 00:27:58.980 --> 00:28:02.520 And because you guys are so close, you guys are really close. 614 00:28:02.920 --> 00:28:06.520 You're not going to be able to be this guy's BFF and be married to somebody 615 00:28:06.520 --> 00:28:06.840 else. 616 00:28:06.840 --> 00:28:09.860 And so you'll have to figure out what that looks like if it ends up being a no. 617 00:28:09.900 --> 00:28:13.620 And if it ends up being a yes, that you walk forward, fully confident with the 618 00:28:13.620 --> 00:28:17.200 Lord, not worried about what this man doesn't have and focusing on what he does 619 00:28:17.340 --> 00:28:17.780 have. 620 00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:19.400 Okay. 621 00:28:19.880 --> 00:28:20.220 Thank you. 622 00:28:20.860 --> 00:28:23.800 And ladies that, that makes me want to say another thing. 623 00:28:23.820 --> 00:28:27.300 The older that we get, the longer our list seems to get in certain ways where 624 00:28:27.300 --> 00:28:28.520 it's like, well, I'm not going to settle. 625 00:28:28.700 --> 00:28:29.960 I've been waiting this long. 626 00:28:29.980 --> 00:28:30.580 I'm not going to settle. 627 00:28:30.700 --> 00:28:34.200 So I'm going to add a few more things to the, to the list. 628 00:28:34.340 --> 00:28:35.460 No, no, you're not. 629 00:28:35.680 --> 00:28:36.840 You need to stop doing that. 630 00:28:37.740 --> 00:28:39.000 Please stop doing that. 631 00:28:39.600 --> 00:28:46.080 Your list should get shorter, less preferences, only non-negotiables from 632 00:28:46.280 --> 00:28:47.660 heaven as you get older. 633 00:28:47.660 --> 00:28:50.480 And I'm not saying that because it's like, well, you'll just take whatever you 634 00:28:50.480 --> 00:28:51.020 can get. 635 00:28:51.340 --> 00:28:54.740 No, it's because you should be maturing out of some of those preferences. 636 00:28:55.120 --> 00:28:57.060 You should be maturing out of them. 637 00:28:58.100 --> 00:29:03.180 It has nothing to do with, Oh, you know, beggars can't be choosers has nothing to 638 00:29:03.180 --> 00:29:03.700 do with that. 639 00:29:04.040 --> 00:29:07.300 It has to do with a lot of that stuff is shallow and immature that you have on 640 00:29:07.300 --> 00:29:07.720 your list. 641 00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:10.820 And some of it's fear-based and trauma-based and hopefully you're getting 642 00:29:10.820 --> 00:29:14.640 enough healing and you're growing up enough that some of that stuff can just, 643 00:29:15.020 --> 00:29:15.880 you can just let it go. 644 00:29:15.880 --> 00:29:18.100 You can just let it go. 645 00:29:19.620 --> 00:29:22.680 And your non-negotiables from heaven can be your non-negotiables from heaven. 646 00:29:23.720 --> 00:29:28.820 And so you're wide open to step into a love story. 647 00:29:30.260 --> 00:29:31.440 And it's great. 648 00:29:31.680 --> 00:29:32.040 Okay. 649 00:29:32.040 --> 00:29:32.840 Jessica, Frank. 650 00:29:36.260 --> 00:29:37.560 Hey, thanks Jackie. 651 00:29:38.780 --> 00:29:39.960 Um, mine is quick. 652 00:29:40.580 --> 00:29:42.360 I, it's about timing. 653 00:29:42.360 --> 00:29:48.480 I, I was talking to a guy actually from last year single, uh, but it was long 654 00:29:48.920 --> 00:29:57.780 distance and, uh, we texted and talked on the phone, uh, pretty much every day. 655 00:29:57.840 --> 00:29:59.740 It was, he totally took the initiative. 656 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:09.080 to hey can i ask you is are we talking about tim yes okay keep going uh to text me and then call me 657 00:30:09.080 --> 00:30:16.220 and i kind of was like well um i would rather we meet before having like this much interaction 658 00:30:16.940 --> 00:30:21.740 uh i don't know that the timeline it was definitely like a month maybe a little more 659 00:30:21.740 --> 00:30:27.520 than a month before he could fly i'm in pennsylvania yeah he was in texas so he flew 660 00:30:27.520 --> 00:30:35.120 um for like a saturday to a sunday uh and really in the first five minutes i'm like there is 661 00:30:35.660 --> 00:30:44.120 zero connection here now i have this man in my town for two days like what do i do with him 662 00:30:44.200 --> 00:30:48.800 you know i'm not the kind of woman that's going to be like okay figure it out on your own goodbye 663 00:30:48.800 --> 00:30:54.780 like so we just kind of hung out and it was just a very long two days 664 00:30:56.960 --> 00:31:00.620 so my question is simple like if it's long distance 665 00:31:01.860 --> 00:31:05.400 what do you recommend as a level of communication until you can meet 666 00:31:06.820 --> 00:31:11.580 i mean you should get in person as fast as you can it sounds like you guys did get in person 667 00:31:11.580 --> 00:31:15.960 as fast as you can you found out sooner rather than later that there really isn't any chemistry 668 00:31:15.960 --> 00:31:22.020 it's not just physical it sounds like there's not any emotional or mental or you know no kind of 669 00:31:22.020 --> 00:31:27.940 you know sometimes you friends we get into person with people think about it non-romantically think 670 00:31:27.940 --> 00:31:32.720 about all of the people that you work with you go to church with that you're in some kind of 671 00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:37.760 community with that they're just not your vibe they're just not your vibe if you were going to 672 00:31:37.760 --> 00:31:43.100 pick someone out of your community to do a 12-hour road trip with it wouldn't be them 673 00:31:43.740 --> 00:31:49.360 okay and it's not because you don't like them they're fine they're just not your thing yeah 674 00:31:49.360 --> 00:31:53.100 and you can't make it your thing and the same goes with romance i know that we 675 00:31:53.280 --> 00:32:00.280 we think that we can make this happen you can't make it happen for yourself any more than you 676 00:32:00.280 --> 00:32:06.140 can make yourself really like people that there's nothing wrong with that you work with you just 677 00:32:06.140 --> 00:32:11.080 wouldn't want to do anything social with them and it's not because you don't know them you know them 678 00:32:11.080 --> 00:32:16.380 work with them for 20 years you just you just you're not vibing you don't vibe with them we 679 00:32:16.380 --> 00:32:22.180 don't vibe with everybody and this is why i created the levels of relationship we're all 680 00:32:22.180 --> 00:32:28.500 on level one together and level two is platonic i want to really remind all of you of this level two 681 00:32:28.500 --> 00:32:33.380 is platonic there's some of you that i've met in life like i'll take elizabeth erickson for 682 00:32:33.380 --> 00:32:37.740 instance we met through friends the reason why elizabeth erickson is in this community is because 683 00:32:37.740 --> 00:32:47.700 my close friend who i vibe with i vibe hard with okay introduced me to liz a couple years ago and 684 00:32:47.700 --> 00:32:53.680 i you know i gave her some advice and we did some stuff and then she fell off because she got engaged 685 00:32:53.680 --> 00:32:59.000 and then that got you know that got a that was a rescue mission and god broke that engagement he's 686 00:32:59.000 --> 00:33:04.520 a matchbreaker and he brought her back around and then she'd rejoin the community but liz and i we 687 00:33:05.160 --> 00:33:09.820 would hang out we would go on vacation together yeah she's my student here she's also a coach in 688 00:33:09.820 --> 00:33:17.680 here but the bottom line is is we vibe feel me okay i've met other people through mutual friends 689 00:33:17.680 --> 00:33:23.380 that i do not vibe with yes i had coffee with them yes i had lunch with them but i didn't need to have 690 00:33:23.380 --> 00:33:29.700 any more interaction with them because i know that we don't vibe we don't there's no click 691 00:33:29.700 --> 00:33:35.840 so level two is level one is you meet all kinds of people in life you're around all kinds of people 692 00:33:35.840 --> 00:33:42.700 in community of all different sorts level two are the people that make the cut to vibe in you vibe 693 00:33:42.700 --> 00:33:47.780 with them you want to hang out with them you have fun with them you want to see more of them whether 694 00:33:47.780 --> 00:33:54.080 they're male or female once again it's platonic and then level three is only for opposite sex 695 00:33:54.080 --> 00:33:59.820 relationships this is you have vibed so hard that you have vibed into a romance okay 696 00:34:01.840 --> 00:34:07.400 you vibe so hard that now you don't want to vibe with anybody else but them exclusively in level 697 00:34:07.400 --> 00:34:13.400 three and so i just say all that because it's no harm no foul for jessica that she was not feeling 698 00:34:13.400 --> 00:34:20.920 this guy he's perfectly fine guy i've seen him you know but we don't all vibe okay he's in our 699 00:34:20.920 --> 00:34:26.840 group and he's a nice guy um but and there's someone for everyone and there's someone who's 700 00:34:26.840 --> 00:34:30.659 going to want to vibe with him all the way to level three four and five it's just not jessica 701 00:34:31.719 --> 00:34:36.960 so talk try to figure out whether there's a vibe before we get in person let me ask you a question 702 00:34:37.600 --> 00:34:42.540 because because when you got in person it was almost an immediately it was a yes until like no 703 00:34:43.260 --> 00:34:49.639 is because of that what why didn't you pick that up earlier 704 00:34:51.880 --> 00:34:59.960 i just want to know like what i don't know i will even facetime a couple times but you can't 705 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.380 see their whole body, like he was shorter than I thought. 706 00:35:05.980 --> 00:35:10.980 He was like, it just wasn't anything like I expected 707 00:35:10.980 --> 00:35:12.840 even after FaceTime. 708 00:35:13.960 --> 00:35:15.440 Okay, so from now on, ladies, 709 00:35:15.620 --> 00:35:17.800 when you're talking to someone long distance, 710 00:35:17.920 --> 00:35:20.580 I want you to ask them to have someone take a picture 711 00:35:20.580 --> 00:35:24.060 of them next to something that you know the size of 712 00:35:24.060 --> 00:35:26.720 so you can get the scale of them, okay? 713 00:35:27.480 --> 00:35:30.760 Have them take a picture next to something 714 00:35:30.760 --> 00:35:33.800 that you relatively know how big that thing is 715 00:35:33.800 --> 00:35:35.120 so you can see them at scale. 716 00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:36.560 Does that make sense to everyone? 717 00:35:37.260 --> 00:35:40.880 And so I'm totally kidding, but at the same time, I'm not. 718 00:35:41.120 --> 00:35:42.600 So basically what Jessica is telling us 719 00:35:42.600 --> 00:35:45.260 is that when he got in person, she got the ick. 720 00:35:46.260 --> 00:35:48.680 She got the ick, and I've gotten the ick before, 721 00:35:48.800 --> 00:35:51.000 and I'm sorry, because the ick is icky. 722 00:35:51.880 --> 00:35:55.620 And it was energy too, it was like very interesting. 723 00:35:55.620 --> 00:35:59.580 Like on the phone, it was friendly and nice, 724 00:35:59.740 --> 00:36:01.620 and then in person, I'm like, whoa, 725 00:36:02.140 --> 00:36:04.640 like there's like zero energy. 726 00:36:04.800 --> 00:36:07.880 I'm not sure why it's different, but that was it. 727 00:36:08.180 --> 00:36:10.000 It hits different, it hits different. 728 00:36:10.180 --> 00:36:11.600 And this is why I tell all of you, 729 00:36:11.700 --> 00:36:13.240 if you're talking to someone long distance 730 00:36:13.340 --> 00:36:15.000 and you're excited about them, 731 00:36:15.380 --> 00:36:18.420 please get in person with them as soon as humanly possible 732 00:36:18.600 --> 00:36:21.880 because that excitement can totally fly out the window, 733 00:36:22.040 --> 00:36:23.720 just like Jessica's. 734 00:36:23.720 --> 00:36:25.440 And I think if you can't get in person, 735 00:36:25.660 --> 00:36:27.040 maybe just don't talk as much. 736 00:36:27.220 --> 00:36:29.880 Like I said, he was doing all of that, 737 00:36:30.660 --> 00:36:33.580 but I think that's really the lesson for me 738 00:36:33.580 --> 00:36:35.980 is if I choose to again, 739 00:36:36.220 --> 00:36:37.560 communicate with someone long distance, 740 00:36:37.800 --> 00:36:39.860 I will not, we will not speak every day 741 00:36:39.860 --> 00:36:41.500 until we can meet in person. 742 00:36:42.300 --> 00:36:43.260 Hey, you know what? 743 00:36:43.380 --> 00:36:44.580 If that's the boundary for you 744 00:36:44.580 --> 00:36:46.460 and you feel good about that, then that's great. 745 00:36:46.460 --> 00:36:49.040 And I really want you guys to get in person 746 00:36:49.040 --> 00:36:49.920 within three weeks. 747 00:36:49.960 --> 00:36:52.020 And if you can't, Jessica's right, 748 00:36:52.020 --> 00:36:53.140 you need to slow your roll. 749 00:36:53.140 --> 00:36:54.840 Because I've had many a person think 750 00:36:54.840 --> 00:36:56.420 that they're madly in love with someone 751 00:36:56.420 --> 00:36:57.980 that they have never seen in real life. 752 00:36:58.120 --> 00:36:59.500 And then when they meet them in real life, 753 00:36:59.760 --> 00:37:02.000 it's Ickville and it's not cool 754 00:37:02.000 --> 00:37:04.680 because then we got, we're hurting people's feelings. 755 00:37:05.200 --> 00:37:06.440 We're hurting our own feelings. 756 00:37:06.600 --> 00:37:07.940 All the feelings are getting hurt. 757 00:37:08.540 --> 00:37:09.820 Jessica, how tall are you? 758 00:37:10.520 --> 00:37:11.320 Five seven. 759 00:37:11.780 --> 00:37:11.840 Okay. 760 00:37:12.500 --> 00:37:14.460 Taller than you or shorter than you? 761 00:37:15.040 --> 00:37:15.920 Same height. 762 00:37:16.360 --> 00:37:16.540 Gotcha. 763 00:37:16.860 --> 00:37:18.600 All men are five seven to five nine. 764 00:37:18.680 --> 00:37:20.620 I told you ladies, please believe me. 765 00:37:20.840 --> 00:37:21.280 Okay. 766 00:37:21.340 --> 00:37:21.980 All right. 767 00:37:21.980 --> 00:37:23.860 Jessica just proved my point. 768 00:37:24.080 --> 00:37:27.320 Okay girls, so he knows that there's nothing 769 00:37:27.320 --> 00:37:28.200 and then it's done. 770 00:37:29.000 --> 00:37:29.240 Oh yeah. 771 00:37:29.700 --> 00:37:30.580 Okay, good. 772 00:37:30.620 --> 00:37:31.140 All right. 773 00:37:31.400 --> 00:37:32.280 Yeah, yeah. 774 00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:33.180 Moving on. 775 00:37:33.240 --> 00:37:33.840 All right, cool. 776 00:37:34.400 --> 00:37:35.500 All right, and once again, friends, 777 00:37:35.600 --> 00:37:36.660 there's somebody for everyone. 778 00:37:37.180 --> 00:37:38.140 There's somebody for everyone. 779 00:37:38.300 --> 00:37:40.800 All those people that you would not want to be at BFFs with, 780 00:37:41.100 --> 00:37:42.940 someone else wants to be their BFF. 781 00:37:43.580 --> 00:37:46.000 Somebody else just thinks they're great, okay? 782 00:37:46.420 --> 00:37:49.320 All right, Abby, can I tell you guys 783 00:37:49.320 --> 00:37:50.580 what I don't like in a friend? 784 00:37:50.580 --> 00:37:51.880 Do you guys want to know that? 785 00:37:52.140 --> 00:37:54.320 So I had this woman, you guys, 786 00:37:54.520 --> 00:37:56.460 I have, I've learned such better boundaries. 787 00:37:56.700 --> 00:37:57.980 I just want, before I say this, 788 00:37:57.980 --> 00:37:58.800 I just want to let you know 789 00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:00.800 that I have much better boundaries five years later, 790 00:38:00.860 --> 00:38:02.700 so don't come after me, okay? 791 00:38:03.040 --> 00:38:04.140 I love people. 792 00:38:04.380 --> 00:38:05.420 I genuinely do. 793 00:38:05.540 --> 00:38:07.780 So I had this woman who was in this program, 794 00:38:07.780 --> 00:38:11.880 but she also was an expert in specific type 795 00:38:11.880 --> 00:38:14.400 of like perimenopausal fitness and stuff. 796 00:38:15.080 --> 00:38:18.400 And so this is early in the program. 797 00:38:18.460 --> 00:38:20.340 This is when there's just a small group of people 798 00:38:20.340 --> 00:38:21.740 in the program, like 2021. 799 00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:25.920 And so she wanted to gift me with her expertise 800 00:38:25.920 --> 00:38:28.300 and she wanted to come out to Austin 801 00:38:28.520 --> 00:38:30.880 and she wanted to like help me. 802 00:38:31.120 --> 00:38:32.300 She wanted to cook for me 803 00:38:32.300 --> 00:38:34.020 and she wanted to like help me 804 00:38:34.020 --> 00:38:35.920 because my mom had passed away 805 00:38:35.920 --> 00:38:37.520 and I gained a lot of weight and all this stuff. 806 00:38:37.660 --> 00:38:40.500 Long story short, she came out 807 00:38:41.220 --> 00:38:43.300 and she stayed in our guest. 808 00:38:43.380 --> 00:38:45.140 We had like a guest thing. 809 00:38:45.480 --> 00:38:48.140 She stayed in it and it was a rental house 810 00:38:48.140 --> 00:38:50.320 and it just had this guest like mother-in-law thing. 811 00:38:50.340 --> 00:38:51.480 And so she stayed in it. 812 00:38:52.120 --> 00:38:54.300 And every day she was supposed to like, 813 00:38:54.360 --> 00:38:55.380 she's gonna stay for a week 814 00:38:55.380 --> 00:38:57.860 and she's supposed to like restock my kitchen 815 00:38:57.860 --> 00:39:00.160 and shop for me and cook the food and all. 816 00:39:00.200 --> 00:39:01.840 She just wanted to give this to me, right? 817 00:39:01.840 --> 00:39:03.920 Because she loved me and she wanted to help me. 818 00:39:04.680 --> 00:39:09.680 You guys, I was counting the minutes for her to leave. 819 00:39:10.400 --> 00:39:11.700 There's nothing wrong with her. 820 00:39:12.100 --> 00:39:13.680 She's a beautiful, wonderful person, 821 00:39:13.680 --> 00:39:17.520 but she is like a smother mother. 822 00:39:18.540 --> 00:39:19.440 That's her personality. 823 00:39:19.660 --> 00:39:21.400 Like her personality, I'm doing my thing 824 00:39:21.400 --> 00:39:22.760 and I turn around, she's right there. 825 00:39:22.880 --> 00:39:23.920 She's right there. 826 00:39:23.960 --> 00:39:25.440 It's right there, okay? 827 00:39:25.460 --> 00:39:27.920 And I'm like, oh, okay. 828 00:39:27.920 --> 00:39:29.040 Just always, can I help you? 829 00:39:29.060 --> 00:39:29.640 How can I help you? 830 00:39:29.720 --> 00:39:30.320 What can I do for you? 831 00:39:30.380 --> 00:39:31.140 Let me do that for you. 832 00:39:31.160 --> 00:39:31.900 Oh, don't carry that. 833 00:39:31.980 --> 00:39:32.760 Let me carry it for you. 834 00:39:33.040 --> 00:39:34.520 Stop, okay? 835 00:39:34.520 --> 00:39:37.280 So some of us just don't like certain personalities 836 00:39:37.280 --> 00:39:39.280 and it's important for you to understand 837 00:39:39.460 --> 00:39:40.900 why certain personalities, 838 00:39:41.140 --> 00:39:42.280 just you don't like them. 839 00:39:43.120 --> 00:39:46.580 It's important because if you don't understand why 840 00:39:46.580 --> 00:39:49.820 you could be perpetuating unhealed trauma 841 00:39:49.820 --> 00:39:51.580 and if you got that trauma healed, 842 00:39:51.660 --> 00:39:54.580 then you would not feel that way 843 00:39:54.580 --> 00:39:57.740 about certain dynamics of someone's personality, okay? 844 00:39:58.180 --> 00:39:59.820 Whether, no matter who those people are. 845 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.900 Because a lot of people have similar dynamics and you got to understand 846 00:40:03.900 --> 00:40:10.260 Why do I not like this kind of dynamic about someone? Why does that bother me? And for others of us? 847 00:40:10.320 --> 00:40:13.960 It's just preference. It doesn't it's not tied to trauma. It's just tied to I 848 00:40:14.860 --> 00:40:19.560 Just I don't vibe with that kind of thing. I don't for me. It was tied to trauma 849 00:40:20.340 --> 00:40:22.800 Okay, I best I practically raised myself 850 00:40:22.800 --> 00:40:28.000 I stopped asking my mother to do anything for me when I was like in first grade. I did my own hair 851 00:40:28.000 --> 00:40:32.920 I dressed myself. I made my own food came home from school. There was no one there, you know 852 00:40:32.920 --> 00:40:34.420 Just took care of myself completely 853 00:40:34.420 --> 00:40:36.620 So having someone especially a female 854 00:40:37.020 --> 00:40:42.960 Come into my personal space and then try to treat me like I'm two years old. Uh-huh, honey 855 00:40:42.960 --> 00:40:48.560 I just couldn't handle that but now I know why I couldn't handle it. I had some healing to do 856 00:40:48.560 --> 00:40:52.140 So, please if something super gets on your nerves and it gives you the ick 857 00:40:52.300 --> 00:40:57.900 Let's make sure we dig a little deeper and find out is it just icky because it's icky and it's just not your thing 858 00:40:58.000 --> 00:41:02.480 Or is there some deeper healing to do? Okay friends? Okay, Abby, you're up 859 00:41:06.040 --> 00:41:09.600 Thank you, Jackie, I joined kind of late so I missed the 860 00:41:10.520 --> 00:41:12.560 part of before but you were 861 00:41:13.080 --> 00:41:15.440 talking about like kind of like don't 862 00:41:16.060 --> 00:41:21.380 Don't be too picky and stuff. But yeah, I think so and uh, I actually have questions 863 00:41:21.380 --> 00:41:25.440 I don't know whether i'm too picky or not because I have never been in a relationship 864 00:41:26.000 --> 00:41:31.380 And every time there's like guys there I would talk to I would quickly write them off 865 00:41:31.380 --> 00:41:34.220 So I just traveled to a friend's wedding 866 00:41:34.640 --> 00:41:37.280 and so she actually set a 867 00:41:37.700 --> 00:41:42.360 Uh me and several other single ladies on the same table with some single guys 868 00:41:43.100 --> 00:41:44.160 so there 869 00:41:44.980 --> 00:41:48.640 one person was introduced me twice and uh, 870 00:41:49.420 --> 00:41:51.360 I figured out he'd probably be a mama's boy 871 00:41:51.560 --> 00:41:54.280 And uh, also the whole time he was sitting 872 00:41:54.920 --> 00:42:00.640 on the upside of opposite side of me, I don't even know whether he know me or not because 873 00:42:01.140 --> 00:42:07.100 It's the whole time my friend was talking with her his mother and he was like watching football game 874 00:42:07.280 --> 00:42:13.340 Behind me, you know, there's big screen and he was not communicating with anyone. I'm like, okay. I don't think this guy 875 00:42:13.800 --> 00:42:20.220 I'll keep you know talking and stuff like that. No, he doesn't have any he doesn't it's not necessarily that he's not interested in you 876 00:42:20.220 --> 00:42:22.340 Obviously this doesn't have any kind of skills 877 00:42:22.600 --> 00:42:27.520 And this is the problem with people who have not been in relationships. They just don't have the skills 878 00:42:28.320 --> 00:42:32.080 Um to get to know people a lot of people do not have those skills 879 00:42:32.560 --> 00:42:37.100 yeah, and there are two other guys and one I I feel awkward because 880 00:42:37.240 --> 00:42:43.240 We were like from ohio, right? We were in california and he's like before we say the grace 881 00:42:43.240 --> 00:42:48.260 He's like, oh, why don't you ladies say because you're from far away? I'm like why you know? 882 00:42:48.260 --> 00:42:50.540 You are like a man and you're local 883 00:42:51.000 --> 00:42:56.400 You know, why do you want to put us on the spot? And then when a cameraman came it's like, okay 884 00:42:56.400 --> 00:43:01.200 Let's say some blessings to the bride and groom and he jumped again. He's like 885 00:43:01.200 --> 00:43:05.660 Oh, thanks you guys you ladies from far away. Why don't you just you know? 886 00:43:06.440 --> 00:43:12.860 Say something first. I was like i'm not even ready yet. That could be his way of being chivalrous though 887 00:43:14.100 --> 00:43:20.120 I mean once again people can be super clueless when they don't have a lot of experience with the opposite sex 888 00:43:20.160 --> 00:43:21.920 And what can come across? 889 00:43:22.680 --> 00:43:26.840 Like obviously offensive. It's obviously offend offending you you don't think it's masculine 890 00:43:27.120 --> 00:43:32.940 In his mind he could think that he's being chivalrous that he's being kind that he's being gracious 891 00:43:33.820 --> 00:43:39.900 Um that he's you know, he's preferring you. I mean, it's different strokes for different folks, honestly 892 00:43:41.260 --> 00:43:47.400 Yeah, because my friend is like oh actually he's a very helpful and kind person, you know 893 00:43:47.400 --> 00:43:48.340 Love the lord 894 00:43:48.340 --> 00:43:52.560 I want to put a pin in you for a minute abby because I think I want to I want to do some deeper teaching 895 00:43:52.560 --> 00:43:56.400 On what abby's saying? Let me just grab michelle. Okay. Michelle needs to go real quick and i'm gonna come back 896 00:43:56.720 --> 00:43:57.920 What's up, michelle? 897 00:43:58.180 --> 00:43:59.400 Go ahead and ask your question 898 00:44:00.080 --> 00:44:02.340 Well, I kind of have to go now but 899 00:44:03.300 --> 00:44:05.820 Yeah, I don't know. It's not really that much time 900 00:44:06.800 --> 00:44:09.880 Um, just tell us real quick what it is and i'll try to answer it. Okay 901 00:44:09.900 --> 00:44:13.600 Um, so I talked I went out with I talked to this guy twice on the phone 902 00:44:13.920 --> 00:44:18.420 And we met once in person and he just talks. He doesn't like ask me any questions 903 00:44:19.060 --> 00:44:21.420 It's not very deep. He's recently divorced 904 00:44:22.680 --> 00:44:26.780 Um, he lives about hour and hour and a half from me, but he works near me 905 00:44:27.020 --> 00:44:29.800 I'm, just on the fence to see him or not again 906 00:44:30.960 --> 00:44:35.240 Um, he seemed like a nice guy, you know, we had you know, he seemed you know 907 00:44:35.380 --> 00:44:38.420 But again recently divorced just like within the month 908 00:44:38.420 --> 00:44:41.640 Just talks he just talks and doesn't ask anything 909 00:44:42.180 --> 00:44:45.100 So, I don't know if that's just how men are or this guy 910 00:44:46.040 --> 00:44:50.660 Well, you know, here's the thing the thing is and and this kind of goes into what abby is saying too ladies 911 00:44:50.780 --> 00:44:52.600 We're not going to make snap judgments 912 00:44:52.860 --> 00:44:59.900 Okay, if there is anything about the connection that is positive that you know, we're like, okay 913 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.500 We're not gonna force ourselves to give them a second chance or not second even second a chance 914 00:45:04.500 --> 00:45:10.360 But to to get a second date or to get a you know, a second a look a second look at them 915 00:45:10.680 --> 00:45:13.140 We're not gonna force ourselves, but think about it 916 00:45:13.140 --> 00:45:18.680 How many things have you not purchased because you're not really sure if it's what you're looking for 917 00:45:19.380 --> 00:45:20.740 But there was enough 918 00:45:21.580 --> 00:45:25.540 Interest in it that you went and gave it a second. Look anyone ever put anything on hold 919 00:45:25.540 --> 00:45:28.160 You're not really sure if you want it or not 920 00:45:28.160 --> 00:45:32.480 But you're you're also not sure if you don't so you kind of put it on hold and you go and you take a second 921 00:45:32.480 --> 00:45:33.220 Look at it 922 00:45:33.580 --> 00:45:35.940 Okay, so Michelle, I would say 923 00:45:36.340 --> 00:45:42.640 If there was anything first of all being divorced recently is not in my in my opinion is not the deal-breaker 924 00:45:42.920 --> 00:45:46.440 Some people are separated for years before they get divorced 925 00:45:46.440 --> 00:45:51.020 Some marriages are over for decades before it finally ends in divorce 926 00:45:51.020 --> 00:45:57.600 And so I definitely wouldn't judge that until you know more a lot of men, especially if they've been married 927 00:45:57.600 --> 00:46:01.800 They don't know how to date. They don't know how to communicate with women that are not their former wife 928 00:46:01.800 --> 00:46:07.120 And so there's a learning curve there if you need someone who's moving ready who's done the work 929 00:46:07.120 --> 00:46:11.720 They know how to communicate they understand what a woman's looking for and they know how to give it to her 930 00:46:11.720 --> 00:46:17.280 Then this isn't your guy if those are your deal-breakers if you have enough 931 00:46:17.720 --> 00:46:20.260 Interest in anything that happened there 932 00:46:20.260 --> 00:46:27.020 He smelled good, you know, he paid the check you're willing to give him a second date. Remember. It's not a proposal 933 00:46:27.020 --> 00:46:30.000 It's just a second coffee or a second lunch 934 00:46:30.120 --> 00:46:35.320 Then go out with him again and have an open mind and see if any of this improves 935 00:46:38.780 --> 00:46:45.400 And hopefully she she hears that since I don't know if her timer was just gonna go off and then she was just gonna 936 00:46:45.500 --> 00:46:48.080 Disappear or what happened? Okay, Abby 937 00:46:49.080 --> 00:46:50.400 Same thing with you 938 00:46:50.780 --> 00:46:53.440 Yes, I I don't know. I don't know you that well 939 00:46:53.440 --> 00:47:00.800 but it seems like you might have a really rigid kind of mindset about what people should or shouldn't do and 940 00:47:01.680 --> 00:47:05.720 Like, you know, maybe bordering a little bit on prejudgment 941 00:47:07.000 --> 00:47:11.240 Yeah, I say you're right. Okay, and you know how you can get over that 942 00:47:12.760 --> 00:47:16.100 By understanding that everybody needs grace 943 00:47:16.620 --> 00:47:22.980 Nobody is gonna do anything perfectly the way that we've imagined it should be done 944 00:47:24.940 --> 00:47:26.960 Nobody's gonna do that 945 00:47:28.140 --> 00:47:29.060 zero I 946 00:47:29.060 --> 00:47:33.800 Know that we see all these love stories and we just imagine that the guy said all the right things and did all the right 947 00:47:33.800 --> 00:47:38.700 Things and the woman was just amazed and wowed by him and that's how they ended up married 948 00:47:39.680 --> 00:47:42.020 no, they both gave each other grace and 949 00:47:43.430 --> 00:47:48.010 There was some kind of vibe that kept them wanting to see each other again and again and again 950 00:47:48.290 --> 00:47:54.870 Even if it was just a little baby vibe, even it was just a little tiny tiny spark that needed to you know 951 00:47:54.870 --> 00:48:01.950 Have a little fanning of the flame and David misstepped so often when we when we were friends and neighbors 952 00:48:01.950 --> 00:48:03.710 I mean he misstepped so often 953 00:48:03.710 --> 00:48:09.170 He did so many things that I kind of raised an eyebrow to and wasn't sure and kind of walked away 954 00:48:09.210 --> 00:48:11.590 You guys I can't tell you how many times I walked away 955 00:48:12.210 --> 00:48:17.510 From David we weren't in a relationship. We were neighbors, but I walked away from an interaction with him 956 00:48:17.910 --> 00:48:19.110 Like oh wow 957 00:48:19.110 --> 00:48:25.150 I kind of like that guy and then equally as many times walked away from an interaction with him like yeah 958 00:48:25.150 --> 00:48:26.930 No, I don't I 959 00:48:29.190 --> 00:48:35.310 Can't tell you how many times he did something that I just thought was icky or he just had something weird on that day 960 00:48:35.310 --> 00:48:37.910 And I didn't like his shoes and his you know 961 00:48:37.910 --> 00:48:39.570 And then he like 962 00:48:39.570 --> 00:48:44.310 Lost his glasses and he started wearing an old pair of glasses he had from the past and they had like 963 00:48:44.370 --> 00:48:47.810 Transition lenses and it like made him look like he was 85 years old 964 00:48:47.810 --> 00:48:52.910 I mean, I can't tell you how many times I thought there might be a spark and then I was like now 965 00:48:53.570 --> 00:48:54.050 No 966 00:48:54.790 --> 00:48:55.750 No spark 967 00:48:56.690 --> 00:48:58.290 So what happened? 968 00:48:59.450 --> 00:49:02.790 Abby was in my favor because God obviously knew what I needed 969 00:49:03.550 --> 00:49:06.670 But because he was my neighbor I kept getting 970 00:49:09.750 --> 00:49:10.350 Oh 971 00:49:11.650 --> 00:49:13.710 They left we've lost her 972 00:49:22.710 --> 00:49:24.150 Oops she'll be back 973 00:49:30.130 --> 00:49:34.950 In the meantime want to have a tiny praise fest and drop in the chat something you're thankful for 974 00:49:35.770 --> 00:49:39.370 All right, so I kept getting another opportunity to kick the tires 975 00:49:39.370 --> 00:49:44.790 I kept getting another opportunity to see if there was something there that wasn't there before 976 00:49:44.790 --> 00:49:50.590 You know Beauty and the Beast and so Abby I really want you to give yourself an opportunity 977 00:49:51.210 --> 00:49:53.550 To really see what someone's like 978 00:49:56.170 --> 00:49:59.970 Not just David Durham was trying to rescue me my phone went dead just now 979 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.260 Um, honey, I was just telling them that it wasn't love at first sight. 980 00:50:05.220 --> 00:50:06.180 Wait, what? 981 00:50:08.880 --> 00:50:12.840 And I was telling them how I made you dye your hair and it turned into Wayne 982 00:50:12.840 --> 00:50:14.740 Newton hair for both of your daughter's weddings. 983 00:50:17.660 --> 00:50:18.140 Yes. 984 00:50:18.960 --> 00:50:19.440 Okay. 985 00:50:19.440 --> 00:50:23.800 So Abby, I want you to give yourself, you know, some time. 986 00:50:23.940 --> 00:50:25.420 Half of what she's saying is true. 987 00:50:25.700 --> 00:50:27.440 And the other half is also true. 988 00:50:27.440 --> 00:50:34.360 Um, and, um, so, you know, give yourself an opportunity to really 989 00:50:34.880 --> 00:50:36.320 see what someone's like. 990 00:50:36.320 --> 00:50:41.240 And when you find yourself, when you find yourself making like really 991 00:50:41.240 --> 00:50:47.560 snap judgments or even kind of harsh judgments about someone, I want you to 992 00:50:47.560 --> 00:50:51.900 take note of that and ask yourself, you know, uh, am I just scared? 993 00:50:52.820 --> 00:50:58.180 You know, am I, am I wanting to make sure that I don't like misstep or, you 994 00:50:58.180 --> 00:50:59.640 know, start to like the wrong person? 995 00:50:59.640 --> 00:51:03.440 And so is that why my bar is set so high? 996 00:51:05.300 --> 00:51:07.400 Yeah, I think, uh, fierce. 997 00:51:07.560 --> 00:51:08.500 Yeah, you're right. 998 00:51:08.760 --> 00:51:09.100 Sure. 999 00:51:09.580 --> 00:51:10.080 Yeah. 1000 00:51:10.420 --> 00:51:13.840 But I can guarantee you this, and I'm going to guarantee all you ladies, 1001 00:51:13.940 --> 00:51:17.380 this, the man that you guys eventually give your heart to is going to be an 1002 00:51:17.380 --> 00:51:20.620 imperfect person, thousand percent. 1003 00:51:20.620 --> 00:51:22.480 It's going to be an imperfect person. 1004 00:51:23.580 --> 00:51:27.720 Um, but his imperfections are not going to be deal breakers for you. 1005 00:51:28.360 --> 00:51:28.880 Okay. 1006 00:51:29.380 --> 00:51:29.760 Okay. 1007 00:51:30.180 --> 00:51:30.700 Yeah. 1008 00:51:32.240 --> 00:51:33.380 Let's say hi. 1009 00:51:35.380 --> 00:51:36.420 Hi everyone. 1010 00:51:37.180 --> 00:51:38.220 Hi David. 1011 00:51:39.080 --> 00:51:40.720 His hair is not black right now. 1012 00:51:41.280 --> 00:51:43.980 You guys it's brown. 1013 00:51:44.320 --> 00:51:45.200 It's brown. 1014 00:51:45.220 --> 00:51:45.860 It's kind of crazy. 1015 00:51:46.100 --> 00:51:48.180 It's kind of, yeah, it's kind of, yeah. 1016 00:51:48.500 --> 00:51:50.280 He, he went gray really quick. 1017 00:51:50.280 --> 00:51:55.540 He, his dad has like silver hair, like full Bobby Bobby, his, his name Bobby. 1018 00:51:55.820 --> 00:51:58.840 And his hair is like really, really silver. 1019 00:51:58.880 --> 00:52:02.700 And David would be all silver like that too, probably already. 1020 00:52:03.580 --> 00:52:05.500 And I'm just not ready for that yet. 1021 00:52:06.040 --> 00:52:07.320 I'm not ready for that. 1022 00:52:09.620 --> 00:52:10.700 So, all right. 1023 00:52:10.720 --> 00:52:12.660 We got miss young, miss young. 1024 00:52:12.840 --> 00:52:13.420 I see your hand. 1025 00:52:13.600 --> 00:52:14.500 Go for it. 1026 00:52:14.600 --> 00:52:15.680 Hey there. 1027 00:52:15.920 --> 00:52:16.920 Hi David. 1028 00:52:17.480 --> 00:52:21.980 I have a question about, cause I've been reflecting a little bit about, uh, the 1029 00:52:22.380 --> 00:52:28.020 last like situationship that ended in my life and I feel like I have a tendency 1030 00:52:29.080 --> 00:52:33.140 after like genuine connections, not just like a couple of dates, but like genuine 1031 00:52:33.140 --> 00:52:38.000 connections I have with people when it ends, I find myself like skidding out 1032 00:52:38.000 --> 00:52:40.620 for a couple of months and like really having to heal my heart. 1033 00:52:41.600 --> 00:52:46.460 And I think that this last one has left me feeling like I'm not whole, like 1034 00:52:46.460 --> 00:52:50.280 not like that situation left me not whole, like, but questioning my wholeness. 1035 00:52:50.800 --> 00:52:57.460 And so I'm wondering like, um, Hey, how to look at the heart work in a different 1036 00:52:57.460 --> 00:53:01.960 way to say like, do I need to pause from dating and evaluate if I'm actually 1037 00:53:01.960 --> 00:53:02.680 okay, I need it. 1038 00:53:02.680 --> 00:53:04.080 I need a few clarifying questions. 1039 00:53:04.420 --> 00:53:04.680 Sure. 1040 00:53:04.880 --> 00:53:06.260 Are you, are you. 1041 00:53:06.920 --> 00:53:10.480 Doubting your wholeness because you're like, why did I choose this person? 1042 00:53:10.480 --> 00:53:14.060 Like what, what would, what would possess me to be in this relationship? 1043 00:53:14.060 --> 00:53:17.200 Like, is, is that why you're doubting your wholeness? 1044 00:53:18.300 --> 00:53:18.420 Yeah. 1045 00:53:18.560 --> 00:53:19.060 Okay. 1046 00:53:19.060 --> 00:53:24.060 Or like decisions that I made in it, you know, um, or even just like the fact 1047 00:53:24.060 --> 00:53:29.640 that I feel so much hurt after root, like situationships or relationships end. 1048 00:53:29.900 --> 00:53:34.300 And, and I feel like it's this time of year, every year, like, wait, 1049 00:53:34.340 --> 00:53:35.920 aren't you, aren't you my actress? 1050 00:53:37.520 --> 00:53:38.040 Okay. 1051 00:53:38.160 --> 00:53:38.680 Yeah. 1052 00:53:38.680 --> 00:53:43.000 So that could be why you feel so strongly because you have a gift that's 1053 00:53:43.000 --> 00:53:47.700 overextended that becomes a weakness, you know, because people that go into 1054 00:53:47.700 --> 00:53:53.480 the acting profession are usually people who kept like strong levels of empathy. 1055 00:53:53.780 --> 00:53:57.820 They can put themselves in scenarios into things that are 1056 00:53:57.840 --> 00:54:00.140 fictional, um, and feel it. 1057 00:54:00.140 --> 00:54:00.420 Right. 1058 00:54:00.420 --> 00:54:05.460 And so that's possibly one of the reasons why you have such a hard time. 1059 00:54:05.560 --> 00:54:06.320 Yeah. 1060 00:54:06.320 --> 00:54:11.220 Um, after, after a relationship, because you probably have an Achilles 1061 00:54:11.220 --> 00:54:18.780 heel in the area of fantasy, um, you know, wanting things to be, you know, 1062 00:54:18.800 --> 00:54:20.940 what, what you would want them to be. 1063 00:54:21.200 --> 00:54:24.840 And then, um, the other thing is though, but ladies, this goes for everyone. 1064 00:54:24.840 --> 00:54:30.120 And we're not going to ask her to dish unless she wants to, but all of you are, 1065 00:54:30.120 --> 00:54:34.060 you really, really want to obviously to have a partner for this life, 1066 00:54:34.240 --> 00:54:35.820 have a witness to your life. 1067 00:54:35.820 --> 00:54:36.700 That's what you're wanting. 1068 00:54:36.720 --> 00:54:40.960 You're wanting someone, um, to do life with, and that's why you're here. 1069 00:54:41.220 --> 00:54:46.420 And so any of these relationships that you start to be in, you are, you, you 1070 00:54:46.420 --> 00:54:49.920 obviously want that to be the person you want it to work out. 1071 00:54:50.340 --> 00:54:54.440 And a lot of times we're willing to do things that afterwards we 1072 00:54:54.440 --> 00:54:55.700 really question ourselves. 1073 00:54:55.820 --> 00:54:58.020 Like, why was I willing to do that? 1074 00:54:58.300 --> 00:54:59.980 Um, that, you know, why was I willing? 1075 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.480 to, you know, kind of betray myself in some ways in order to make this relationship work. 1076 00:55:06.860 --> 00:55:08.620 And part of that is being a female. 1077 00:55:09.780 --> 00:55:13.880 Okay, part of it is being a woman, women, we are trained from the moment we can understand 1078 00:55:13.900 --> 00:55:17.980 language that we're the ones that make the sacrifices, we're the ones that make the compromises. 1079 00:55:18.520 --> 00:55:27.260 We're the ones that need to, you know, give, you know, give lots of leeway to the man kind 1080 00:55:27.260 --> 00:55:27.640 of thing. 1081 00:55:27.640 --> 00:55:33.960 And then secondly, a lot more women are anxious attachers and anxious attached people usually 1082 00:55:35.280 --> 00:55:39.900 part of being anxiously attached or attaching anxiously, I should say, 1083 00:55:40.840 --> 00:55:46.440 is being willing to break your own rules in order to keep the love of someone else. 1084 00:55:47.980 --> 00:55:49.560 So gotta be careful with that. 1085 00:55:50.420 --> 00:55:56.300 Yeah, I think I tend to be through the work that I've done more of a secure attacher, 1086 00:55:56.300 --> 00:56:01.840 but I feel like in the last situation, there were some triggers that made some anxious 1087 00:56:01.840 --> 00:56:03.200 behaviors come out for sure. 1088 00:56:04.280 --> 00:56:06.100 I think I could definitely see that. 1089 00:56:07.140 --> 00:56:10.620 Well, ladies, that's another thing that you need to also know is that even if you think 1090 00:56:10.620 --> 00:56:16.080 that you're a secure attacher, which, you know, all of us can learn to be secure attachers. 1091 00:56:16.920 --> 00:56:23.420 Even when we think that we are, if you get with a man who is very avoidant, it can make 1092 00:56:23.420 --> 00:56:25.400 even you secure attachers anxious. 1093 00:56:26.440 --> 00:56:27.900 And so we got to really be careful with that. 1094 00:56:29.900 --> 00:56:30.460 Yeah. 1095 00:56:30.620 --> 00:56:32.180 So forgive yourself. 1096 00:56:33.640 --> 00:56:34.800 Are you willing to forgive yourself? 1097 00:56:37.520 --> 00:56:44.260 I mean, you got I mean, we can't go forward unless we're willing to take a look at what 1098 00:56:44.260 --> 00:56:49.340 we're not proud of, whatever decisions, whatever we said, whatever we did, and ask the Lord 1099 00:56:49.340 --> 00:56:51.140 to show us, you know, why? 1100 00:56:51.800 --> 00:56:52.380 Mm hmm. 1101 00:56:52.720 --> 00:56:55.560 And the revealing for healing cycle, why? 1102 00:56:56.020 --> 00:56:59.180 And then also forgive ourselves. 1103 00:57:00.060 --> 00:57:03.020 Even if you have to look yourself in the mirror and say, you know, I forgive you. 1104 00:57:03.580 --> 00:57:09.300 I forgive you for, you know, for compromising, you know, what you believe, or I forgive you 1105 00:57:09.300 --> 00:57:12.400 for putting up with this and not walking away immediately. 1106 00:57:12.620 --> 00:57:15.500 You know, all of us, let's take abusive relationships. 1107 00:57:15.500 --> 00:57:18.500 I have a friend who's in a very abusive situation right now. 1108 00:57:18.500 --> 00:57:19.980 And I love her. 1109 00:57:20.280 --> 00:57:26.240 And it would be it's very tempting to say, you know, why do you keep going back to this 1110 00:57:26.240 --> 00:57:31.180 or, you know, like calling her out and saying, you know, why are you putting up with this? 1111 00:57:31.180 --> 00:57:33.100 Or, you know, why are you doing this to yourself? 1112 00:57:33.460 --> 00:57:35.220 The problem is, is that she doesn't know. 1113 00:57:36.680 --> 00:57:40.840 I could ask her that question all day long, but she doesn't know because she needs to 1114 00:57:40.840 --> 00:57:44.880 do the hard work in order to really see why she's doing that. 1115 00:57:44.880 --> 00:57:51.180 And so if we're willing to question ourselves and our own behavior and be that good friend 1116 00:57:51.400 --> 00:57:55.380 that asks ourselves, look yourself in the mirror and say, hey, why do you think this 1117 00:57:55.380 --> 00:57:56.180 is what you deserve? 1118 00:57:57.200 --> 00:58:02.860 Why did you why did you allow them to say that to you or, you know, walk all over you? 1119 00:58:02.860 --> 00:58:04.160 Or why did you make this decision? 1120 00:58:04.360 --> 00:58:07.500 We have to begin to be that friend to ourselves. 1121 00:58:08.620 --> 00:58:11.900 And until we are able to really get to the root of the answer. 1122 00:58:13.100 --> 00:58:15.000 Because otherwise, it's just fruit. 1123 00:58:15.160 --> 00:58:18.000 Remember, until we get to the root, all of the other stuff's just fruit. 1124 00:58:19.440 --> 00:58:21.800 It's going to keep growing back until we get to the root. 1125 00:58:23.580 --> 00:58:24.280 So good. 1126 00:58:24.460 --> 00:58:25.060 Thank you. 1127 00:58:25.520 --> 00:58:27.300 Yeah, you are worthy, honey. 1128 00:58:28.080 --> 00:58:30.320 You are worthy of an amazing man. 1129 00:58:32.460 --> 00:58:37.160 And and let's try to get with a man who's very emotionally honest. 1130 00:58:38.980 --> 00:58:40.920 I think that's going to be important for you. 1131 00:58:40.920 --> 00:58:41.040 Amen. 1132 00:58:42.120 --> 00:58:43.220 Thank you, Jackie. 1133 00:58:44.460 --> 00:58:45.580 Crystal's got all kinds of stuff. 1134 00:58:45.620 --> 00:58:46.300 She's got a baby. 1135 00:58:46.560 --> 00:58:47.680 She's got a dog on the camera. 1136 00:58:48.240 --> 00:58:50.820 That dog reminds me of what what's that? 1137 00:58:51.200 --> 00:58:52.740 What's that llama's name? 1138 00:58:52.900 --> 00:58:54.040 What's that ostrich's name? 1139 00:58:55.440 --> 00:58:55.500 Ostrich. 1140 00:58:55.780 --> 00:58:56.740 That goes to the camera. 1141 00:58:57.320 --> 00:58:59.820 She's like, oh, not Walter. 1142 00:58:59.840 --> 00:59:01.320 No, Emmanuel. 1143 00:59:02.040 --> 00:59:02.080 Emmanuel. 1144 00:59:02.460 --> 00:59:04.020 If you guys ever seen the Emmanuel videos. 1145 00:59:05.640 --> 00:59:10.000 There's a lady that like, you know, she talks about she raises ostriches. 1146 00:59:10.000 --> 00:59:11.680 Well, she raises animals. 1147 00:59:12.180 --> 00:59:13.460 She's like a vet or something. 1148 00:59:13.760 --> 00:59:16.320 And she's talking about animals and what they do. 1149 00:59:16.360 --> 00:59:18.800 And she has this crazy ostrich named Emmanuel. 1150 00:59:19.740 --> 00:59:21.600 And he's fascinated with her camera. 1151 00:59:22.720 --> 00:59:24.940 So every time she's like on camera, she's talking. 1152 00:59:25.120 --> 00:59:27.540 And then you'll see this ostrich all the way up in the camera. 1153 00:59:27.660 --> 00:59:29.180 She's like, and you hear her in the background. 1154 00:59:29.260 --> 00:59:31.220 Emmanuel, don't do it. 1155 00:59:31.800 --> 00:59:32.640 Don't do it, Emmanuel. 1156 00:59:34.080 --> 00:59:37.160 And then, of course, he he like knocks it over, knocks over the camera. 1157 00:59:37.160 --> 00:59:40.060 Anyway, Crystal, I feel like that is your camera right now. 1158 00:59:40.220 --> 00:59:40.720 You got a baby. 1159 00:59:40.860 --> 00:59:42.300 You got a dog looking in the camera. 1160 00:59:42.640 --> 00:59:43.940 You got all kinds of stuff. 1161 00:59:44.040 --> 00:59:44.300 Look at that. 1162 00:59:44.880 --> 00:59:44.880 1163 00:59:44.880 --> 00:59:45.200 Two dogs. 1164 00:59:45.880 --> 00:59:47.220 All kinds of stuff going on. 1165 00:59:48.160 --> 00:59:48.160 1166 00:59:48.440 --> 00:59:48.880 Okay. 1167 00:59:49.040 --> 00:59:50.700 So Miss Young was the last to go. 1168 00:59:50.800 --> 00:59:52.640 I hope you guys had some fun tonight. 1169 00:59:52.700 --> 00:59:53.940 I had fun with you. 1170 00:59:55.420 --> 00:59:57.120 But ladies, here's the takeaway. 1171 00:59:57.960 --> 00:59:59.980 Let's make sure that our list. 1172 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.820 are not getting longer, they're actually getting more divine, divinely organized. 1173 01:00:05.460 --> 01:00:05.700 Okay. 1174 01:00:06.220 --> 01:00:10.680 That we're really allowing God to bring to us, not just what we want, but what we 1175 01:00:11.160 --> 01:00:16.280 need, that is really the takeaway from tonight and also that the siege is truly 1176 01:00:16.280 --> 01:00:18.700 over, we're seeing all kinds of proof of it. 1177 01:00:18.980 --> 01:00:24.140 And so please do not be the guy in that story that didn't believe, I'm not 1178 01:00:24.140 --> 01:00:29.000 saying you're going to get trampled to death, but the prophet said he wouldn't 1179 01:00:29.000 --> 01:00:34.360 see the breakthrough and it isn't about what God is doing, it's about what we 1180 01:00:34.360 --> 01:00:37.840 think God is doing and so I really want to encourage you to come into alignment 1181 01:00:38.040 --> 01:00:44.980 with what God is doing and we are seeing it, it's not just about, we don't have 1182 01:00:44.980 --> 01:00:49.500 to walk by faith even, we're seeing it, we're seeing it manifested and so Lord 1183 01:00:49.500 --> 01:00:56.620 help us, look at that baby, help us Lord, help us God to come into full alignment 1184 01:00:56.620 --> 01:01:02.140 in our lives with everything that you have for us, the siege truly is over and 1185 01:01:02.140 --> 01:01:05.480 now is the time, now is the time. 1186 01:01:06.020 --> 01:01:10.100 All right friends, don't forget, there's plenty of time, even in this year for 1187 01:01:10.100 --> 01:01:14.840 the beginnings of a love story, for you to actually meet someone and start 1188 01:01:15.320 --> 01:01:17.660 something, start something good. 1189 01:01:19.500 --> 01:01:24.540 So get out there and be your cute self, be your funny self, be your sweet self, 1190 01:01:24.540 --> 01:01:28.840 just be all the self that you are, that's what we're learning, be all the self that 1191 01:01:28.840 --> 01:01:32.780 you are because whoever God has for you is going to like every bit of it, so don't 1192 01:01:32.780 --> 01:01:34.560 hold back, be the whole thing. 1193 01:01:35.100 --> 01:01:39.320 I yelled at this guy the first time that I met him and he still liked me, in fact he 1194 01:01:39.320 --> 01:01:41.180 said he doesn't remember me yelling at him. 1195 01:01:42.920 --> 01:01:46.540 It just goes to show you that men are not paying attention to what we're saying. 1196 01:01:46.640 --> 01:01:48.440 I remember the moment, I just don't remember the tone. 1197 01:01:49.140 --> 01:01:51.240 You don't remember the tone. 1198 01:01:52.820 --> 01:01:56.720 Eighteen years, you guys, we've been married for 18 years, been together for 1199 01:01:56.720 --> 01:01:58.240 almost 19 years. 1200 01:02:02.520 --> 01:02:06.440 All right, pray for your ladies. 1201 01:02:08.660 --> 01:02:14.540 Father God, I just thank you, Lord, for each of these ladies on this call tonight 1202 01:02:14.560 --> 01:02:17.040 and those that were on it before. 1203 01:02:17.800 --> 01:02:19.820 Lord, I just thank you for your daughters. 1204 01:02:20.580 --> 01:02:23.100 I thank you for the feminine of God. 1205 01:02:23.360 --> 01:02:32.060 I thank you for the manifestation of their dreams and the ideas that you have 1206 01:02:32.060 --> 01:02:33.220 planted within them. 1207 01:02:33.720 --> 01:02:39.440 I thank you, Lord, that you have given them an understanding of what could be and 1208 01:02:39.440 --> 01:02:45.020 what should be according to kingdom values and you've given them hope and you've 1209 01:02:45.020 --> 01:02:45.720 given them desire. 1210 01:02:46.440 --> 01:02:51.580 And so as they act upon those desires, as they act upon those things to submit 1211 01:02:51.580 --> 01:02:56.220 those and resubmit those back to you, Lord, bring them to fruition. 1212 01:02:57.040 --> 01:02:58.560 Bring them to fullness. 1213 01:02:59.400 --> 01:03:00.960 Bring them into the light. 1214 01:03:01.540 --> 01:03:02.920 Bring them into the now. 1215 01:03:03.320 --> 01:03:07.300 And we just thank you right now, Lord, that you want your sons and daughters 1216 01:03:07.300 --> 01:03:07.760 married. 1217 01:03:07.920 --> 01:03:10.300 And so we just confess that. 1218 01:03:10.920 --> 01:03:12.640 We declare that. 1219 01:03:12.700 --> 01:03:15.320 And we add our faith with these. 1220 01:03:15.320 --> 01:03:20.280 We add our faith to your faith to multiply it and add it together to believe with you 1221 01:03:20.280 --> 01:03:26.260 and for you for the best that God has in and through you in Jesus name. 1222 01:03:26.600 --> 01:03:26.600 1223 01:03:27.380 --> 01:03:27.880 Amen. 1224 01:03:28.120 --> 01:03:28.660 Love you guys. 1225 01:03:29.020 --> 01:03:29.680 Receive it and believe it. 1226 01:03:30.420 --> 01:03:31.280 Love you, man. 1227 01:03:31.380 --> 01:03:31.800 Thank you.