go. Megan do people tell you that you look like Megan Trainor? I might have
gotten that before but I feel like that's a compliment thank you. It is a
compliment. Have you seen her lately? She's so cute. She did get a boob job. I
don't blame her. She wanted it and I think that's great. Thank you. I feel
like I get somebody else sometimes but anyway so I feel like it might be good
to share. I've been talking to a guy it's been about a week and it's been
going well. I felt hopeful about him although like I'm a little I'm feeling a
little anxious today because I haven't heard back from him and I'm a little
confused because we've been talking pretty regularly and so I don't know
what's up but I'll give a little bit of the backstory. We met on Facebook dating
and he's in San Antonio. I'm in San Antonio. He's in San Antonio. He's in PA
school so I'm a physical therapist and he's about to finish with didactic and
do clinicals and so I feel like we kind of have a lot of we just have a lot of
connections like health wise or like health care. We're both in health care.
He's really smart which I like that too. He's really into health and fitness and
he's in the Coast Guard. He seems like a strong believer. He goes to church. He's
his brother moved here for Lackland training. He talked about praying for his
friend. His classmate went in the hospital this week and so he's been
concerned for him and so they went and visited him and prayed for him so it's
like those things I just feel like are good to hear that seems like he's like
strong in his faith. He's just he's not just like he actually like lives it. It
seems like we haven't had a chance to meet yet because of a couple of
reasons like he had a huge test this past Monday like yesterday and so I was
out of town like this past weekend and the weekend before. I feel like every
like almost every day he sent me texts so like he'll have send me selfies and
they're like pictures of himself like whether he's went on a he went on a run
before his his test it was like a pre-test run and then like he sent me
pictures when he went to work out or like when he was going to get sushi with
his classmates and like I'm not used to getting all these like random texts and
selfies but I love it. I'm like I'm here for it and he's made me laugh a lot like
you were talking about that earlier about being funny and it's like
reminding me that it's like such a good quality for a guy to have like just to
make me laugh and so there's been a lot of like we've had a lot of good
connection like all around he's cute I don't think I mentioned that so anyway I
feel like it's going well he's kind of mentioned like us going to this one
place and we haven't yet so like he's thrown it out there like it nothing's
been planned yet and so you have you been sending him selfies back? I did
send him like this past weekend like I said I guess I'll go ahead and send you
some like I sent him some on Sunday like cuz he sent me his his selfie like
before he went to church and so like afterwards I sent him a picture when I
had gotten home and he was like love it and like I've sent him pictures when I
went hiking like to Los Maples and he was like saying beautiful pics and all
these things so yeah I've sent him pics too. Okay so let's talk about the
test that he was taking was it a physical test like for the like the like
for the fire department or was it like a test test? He's in he's in PA school
like physician assistant so it's like it was a like one of his finals for the
end of the semester it's like for it was on women's health and so it was
yesterday though it was yesterday yes so it was yesterday so yesterday he told me
it went well and then usually he'll text me over lunch or when he's done I feel
like typically like he's a morning texter or like afternoon he goes to bed
pretty early and so I had texted him during lunch again and told him what I
like got for coffee at Merritt and the I guess it was the what happened the lady
there like gave me a I didn't realize till later she gave me a student
discount which I like told him I felt like it was a compliment cuz like I'm
not a student I've been working a while and so and I sent him the picture and
like anyway he would normally respond and so I just was surprised that he
didn't respond and they are eventually and then today I just had like over in
the afternoon I sent him a text like hey how's it going and so I still haven't
heard back from him and so I still
started to feel kind of sad, a little disappointing, because
I'm like, this happened recently with another guy where it was
going really well. And like that guy, we almost facetimed and
then it kind of fell off. And so I'm just wondering, like,
okay, so how long have you guys been texting?
Um, it's been about a week, I would say. And so I'm also about
to go home to DFW for Thanksgiving this week, like in a
couple days. So it makes it challenging with his like, test
schedule, and then me like traveling. So I know, that kind
of puts a barrier barrier and in our like plans for like trying
to meet up like, okay, yeah.
So let's talk about this. Okay, so let's talk about this. All
right, you guys. So how many of you? We have a lot of hands up
of people that want to ask a question. So how many of you
when she was telling the story thought that she had been
talking to this guy for at least a month or more? How many of
you when you were listening to the story, you're actually kind
of shook that she's only been talking to him for a week?
Because it sounds like she's been talking to him for a lot
longer than that, right? All these different selfies and
different things, you know, and all the things. Okay. So I'm
actually relieved that it's only been a week, Megan, even though
it sounds like you guys have gotten a lot in in the course of
one week, as far as texting back and forth, back and forth and
selfies and all the things. So here's the good news. The
good news is, if indeed goes to you, you're not really.
Because you really like them. Hold on. I said, if indeed
you're being ghosted. Can you hear me? I heard if you are you
if you're indeed. Yeah, I can hear you right now.
Okay, so if indeed that's what's happening, then it's it's good
you found out this early one weekend before you get too
intertwined because it's a lot of communication for one week a
lot. Yeah. Okay. I thought for sure you have been talking for
Yeah, well, but like you said, he has been his pattern has been
for this week, texting continuously and now he's not
responding. Not usually a good sign. I tell you that he's going
to pop back up and give you a good reason why but normally
what's going to happen now is you're not going to hear from
him again. So that's what we want you to prepare for that.
Yeah. Okay. I'm not into like making excuses for guys and just
being like, Oh, well, you know, he had a big test yesterday and
it's this and that and blah, blah, blah. Are you guys texting
on an app? So are you he has your phone number?
He has my phone number and like, yeah, I mean, I feel like it has
been a lot of texting to where it's kind of like amped it up
for me where I'm like, okay, I'm ready. And so I'm like, when is
it gonna happen? And so I
want a lot. That's a lot for one week. Yeah. Both is it's a win
win. It's a win win situation. So the first win is is that if
you don't hear from him again, you didn't invest more than a
week and you didn't get all of your hopes tied up in something
because this could go on this could have gone on for months
and then it really would have been very disappointing. And
then secondly, it sounds like you had fun.
It's not fun. Yeah, like he's been making me laugh a lot. And
but that's the disappointing part because I'm like, I want to
meet in person and see how it goes. And so I think like, I
guess a couple of things like I've heard from some other
people where you can kind of like ghost bus like have one
final like check in like, hey, just checking if you still
wanted to connect like that kind of thing just because I feel
like we've talked long enough, but you already did that you
already reached out and you said, Hey, what's up and he
hasn't responded. So you have two messages to him that he has
not responded. That's true. Yeah. So I've kind of I guess
already done that. He's had an opportunity. I agree. Okay, so
that's, that's understandable. I think my the frustrating part
for me is like, how you kind of process that where it doesn't
feel like it's a full closure with that. And like the last
guy, this was like the day of the anniversary party, he kind
of ended things without really giving me I asked for clarity.
And we had we were about to FaceTime and we didn't. And so
but there was a lot of build up for that too. And then it's
like, yeah, just in these situations, how do you process
that that when a guy's ghosting you, and you were excited to
meet them, like how you get closure from that and keep
moving forward? I mean, I did move forward to this next guy.
yeah, no, it's you guys, it is disappointing. And this is what
this is why modern dating sucks, right? This is not the way that
we're supposed to do it. Like this is not the way that it was
meant to be done. But we're doing our best out here with all
this technology and all this ridiculousness. So first of all,
have you ever watched a movie where the ending just left you
like, what? And you know, you invested in the movie
watched it, you enjoyed parts of the movie,
you laughed, you know, you cried,
and you really wanted it to end a specific way,
and then it just ended very confusing.
There wasn't any closure, it didn't get tied up,
there was no sequel coming out,
it was just like, what the heck?
And this is how these kinds of interactions,
I don't even wanna call them,
they're not a relationship, obviously, right?
This connection, this interaction
that we have with this person,
that's how it leaves us feeling like,
gosh, I wasted, you know,
I feel like this when I watch a movie like that,
I wasted two and a half hours of my time
because this left me feeling very confused,
like, there's no, like, ending for me.
And so I know we'd rather have someone to show up
and be like, hey, it's been fun talking to you
and laughing with you,
but I'm just really not feeling the kind of connection
that I would need to move forward.
But you know what?
Someone would have to be really mature,
a grown-up man, to do something like that,
and unfortunately, there's a lot of men out there
that just aren't willing to do that.
Now, he could pop back up,
and if he does, he better have a really good reason
for leaving you on read for two whole days.
But if he does, it's only been a week.
If he does, you can't give him another chance.
Immediately get in person, though.
If he's not willing to do that, then sayonara.
And also, if he does it again, then that's it, okay?
It's not three strikes you're out, y'all.
It's two strikes you're out.
We'll give someone a second chance,
but second chance is all.
Ladies, please listen to me.
Second chance is it.
No third chance, second chance.
Two strikes, you're out.
And so, if he pops back up, but then he ghosts again,
you guys, it's just common courtesy,
especially when there's a pattern of communication
that's been established.
He doesn't know her or anything,
but he established a pattern of communication
where he was talking to her every day,
where he was reaching out.
You know, you ladies would know it,
the whole good morning, good morning kind of thing,
and all this stuff.
And so, when we get used to that,
and then someone falls off
and drops off the face of the earth, it's rude.
It's rude, and we would rather have them just say,
oh, hey, I was talking to three other girls
at the same time,
and I actually wanna talk to this other girl and not you.
Okay, bye, you know?
And so, you can give him a second chance
if he does pop back up,
but usually in this case, he's not going to.
And so, I really want you to get ready
to have watched a movie that has really no ending,
but guess what?
You get to choose the next movie
that you watch more carefully.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, so I guess your recommendation
would be to leave it as is,
and don't say anything else,
like as far as I've already done before.
You already said two things.
Yeah, okay, gotcha.
Do you test out on my attachment test
as an anxious attacher?
I think I am.
I'm like feeling myself being,
and this is where I'm feeling it come out,
especially just because I hadn't heard from it,
but he had built that consistency
where it seems out of character for him,
showing all this interest,
and then I'm like, what happened?
So, it's hard because it's like I wanna know why,
and I'm like, yeah.
Here's the bad news.
I already gave you the good news.
The bad news is we don't know that it's out of character
because we've only known him a week,
and this actually could be exactly in character for him.
That's true, yeah, we don't know each other, yeah.
Yeah, it's just disappointing,
but I like that analogy with the movie.
It's disappointing, but guess what?
You are young, and you are beautiful,
and you are going home for the holidays,
and anything is possible.
This is true.
Thank you so much.
All right, keep us posted, will you?
I will do.
Okay, and please refrain from trying
to get yet another ending.
Just let it lie.
Okay, I'll try.
Okay, you can do it.
You can do it.
I promise you.
Thanks.
And ladies, it's important now.
Listen, let me give you another scenario.
Someone who's been talking to you like that,
and she knows he has a big test.
He had a couple different things.
Giving that person an opportunity
after they have not said anything to you,
like the first time,
she's used to hearing from him every day,
so it was radio silence for 24 hours.
Reaching out and being like,
hey, how was your test?
How are you doing?
What's good?
That is totally fine,
because what will happen to some people
is that they'll be like,
oh, shoot, I didn't reach out for 24 hours,
and now they'll be afraid to reach out
because they'll think that you actually are mad at them.
And a lot of men think women get mad very easily.
I will tell you that about men.
And so giving them that opportunity
to kind of get back into good graces
after you haven't heard from them for 24 or 48 hours,
but she did that.
She did reach out,
and she was just like,
she opened the door back up and said,
hey, and it's okay to do that,
but you definitely do not want to be doing that
repeatedly with any one person, okay?
If they're interested,
Trust me, men will.
They will.
It's not an old wives tale.
If men want to, they do.
And that's just the bottom line.
All right, Lauren, you have a question?
Okay, Crystal has a question.
Can you guys hear me?
Can you hear me?
Yes, we can hear you.
Yeah, we can hear you.
Okay, let's go.
Crystal, what's your question?
Here we are, sorry.
It's a little dark.
It's a rough day at the farm with Lily.
So I think I have a situationship.
With your baby?
No, with someone that I've never spoken about
since I came into last year's single.
So I was friends with a guy and his wife.
Like they were friends of mine and friends of our family.
Since 2007.
And his wife passed away in 15, 2015.
And I was like very good friends with them.
And anyways, after his wife passed away,
we dated like a year after his wife passed away, we dated.
And he didn't want to get married
or he didn't want to have kids.
And he's not like sold out believer for Christ.
Cause when I came to last year single,
I figured out that like, my family was amazing.
My mom took us to church all our lives,
but my dad was kind of, he didn't go with us.
He gave his life to Christ at the end.
He got baptized and everything like that.
But he was kind of like the not sold out guy for Christ.
He was amazing father, but not in that respect.
So when I came in, I figured out
that this was what I was always looking.
Like I was always looking for this,
like the same thing that I knew all my life, right?
That familiarity.
And he's kind of that familiarity.
So anyways, we decided and he's dated other people
and I've dated other people.
And when I was engaged to my ex-fiance,
I wasn't even allowed to talk to him,
like send him a text message or anything like that.
And now like after my, it's been,
I guess a year and a bit or whatever.
No, not even, since May,
since my ex-fiance is finally like off the roster
and leaving me alone and stopped threatening me.
Thank God.
Anyways, we do a fair amount of things together.
Like we're probably, we're best friends really.
He's the person that can call me in the middle of the night.
He has, and I've called him in the middle of the night.
I actually have probably mostly guy friends
than girlfriends.
I get along really well with guys.
So I don't know if that's kind of hindering my progress here
but I mean, we laugh, we have fun.
So I'm like, maybe this is a problematic situation.
Let me ask you a question.
I know that you know all those things about him, okay?
From right after his wife passed away.
How long ago has it been
since you guys talked about those topics?
About like what he wants about, you know,
possibly getting married in the future,
you know, having children, what he thinks about his faith.
Like how long has it been since you guys really had
like a check-in on those topics?
Well, he's, so he's 14 years older than me.
So he's pretty much, you know, doesn't want,
like, I don't know.
Okay, we've had check-ins on it
because the reason why for his kids situation,
like I think, you know, his wife,
they were married for 28 years,
amazing, faithful, loving guy,
but he didn't have kids
and she had two kids when they got married together.
So he asked to have a kid
and she was like, if you wanna have kids,
cause he raced horses and worked at Chrysler his whole life.
She's like, you either gotta give up the racing
if you want a kid, cause I'm not gonna look after it.
So I think that kind of like put a damper
on his like thing about kids because he's always here.
He's always helping with Lily.
I mean, he carries her around, he feeds her.
He looked like, I just think, you know,
but he's like, he's very-
Let me ask you a better question.
How often is he coming over
and doing all the things you're talking about?
I don't know.
We see each other a couple of times a week.
Hey, you're right.
You're in a situation and shit for sure.
But here's the thing.
The thing is, is that, you know,
you have to decide whether or not,
it sounds like he wants to be with you at some level,
but he's not what you're looking for
as far as you don't want a man like your father.
Like here's the tricky thing about Crystal's situation.
Did you hear her say she had a really good father?
She loved her father.
He was a good dad to her.
He just wasn't a spiritual leader in the family.
He wasn't taking them to church.
He wasn't teaching them about God,
but he was great in all these other ways.
And so ladies, I just want to let you know,
and I know this is gonna be shocking to some of you,
and this is not necessarily advice for Crystal,
but I just want to let you know,
there are women, I have clients, even private clients,
they're pastors at their church.
They are pastors at their churches,
big churches, small churches.
They are leaders in the body of Christ.
They are not looking for a man to spiritually lead them.
They're not.
And it's okay to them if their husband
is even a baby believer.
As long as he is a believer,
they're not looking for him to, you know,
show them the way when it comes to spirituality.
They're not looking to show him the way either,
but they just want someone who is faithful and reliable
and, you know, honest and, you know, other qualities.
And so, and they're not,
so they're gonna marry someone like that,
even if they barely know Christ
or if they're even agnostic at some level.
I know that shocks some of you
and some of you are like, oh, that's terrible.
But for them, it's not, that's their love story.
It's not yours, but it's theirs.
And so we all have to make a decision with the Lord,
with the help of Holy Spirit,
what does my love story look like?
What does my love story look like?
I don't need David Dorman to lead me spiritually.
I'm good there.
You know, I know the word, I know Holy Spirit.
I'm very prophetic.
But what I do need in my partnership
is I need someone who's going to,
if I wake up in the middle of the night
and I'm dealing with something or I'm afraid,
you know, I very often get attacked physically,
as you guys have seen, that are in this program.
The enemy comes after me physically
and different things happen.
I need a husband who's gonna raise the standard,
who's going to cover me in prayer,
who's going to, you know,
not just show up in his physical person,
but also in his spiritual person.
That's what I need because of what I'm called to
and what I do with my life.
But all of you need something different as far as intimate.
And it's really important for you to get with Holy Spirit
about what that looks like
so that your non-negotiables from heaven
can be in alignment with your love story.
So Crystal, is one of your non-negotiables from heaven
that your husband would be someone who is on fire for Jesus?
I mean, I would like him to be.
We actually had this conversation
probably about two weeks ago.
Not preference, non-negotiable.
I would like that, yes.
Once again, that's a preference.
When we say, I would like it,
it's still just a preference.
I would like it.
I need you to say, I have to have it.
It's a deal breaker if it is, if it is.
And you guys, the reason why I'm talking to Crystal
like this, because I know Crystal.
I know who she is in the spirit.
I mean, I know, you know, what she knows about the Lord
and where she's come from and, you know,
how she's been mentored.
And so I could see her marrying a marketplace guy.
I could see her marrying someone
who's not agnostic necessarily,
but somebody who is just really dependable
and, you know, and very open
and isn't going to try to keep her from continuing
in what it is that she is doing
that will always be supportive of her.
I could see that happening.
And so, but she needs to make a decision
on whether or not she needs someone
who's her spiritual twin or not.
Friends, we don't have to-
This is good what you just said a minute ago,
because I mean, like he is, he's dependable.
He's, and we just had a conversation about a week ago
when there was a worship night at the church,
because he'll go to anything that I ask him to go to.
I mean, when he came out to visit me in California,
you know, he came to church with me.
You know, he's not.
And I said to him, I said, you know,
I'm looking for someone who's on fire for God.
And he said, he bluntly looked at me and he said,
you know, Crystal, everybody's relationship with God
doesn't need to look like yours.
That's what he said to me.
It's true.
And I was like, that was good.
I didn't have anything to say back to him.
I was like, he goes, you know,
like my prayer life may not look like yours.
He goes, it doesn't mean I don't have one.
It's true.
And so what I was going to say when I said to Crystal,
whether or not she needs her spiritual twin,
what I was going to say in the next breath
is there's no such thing.
So friends, if you want someone
who's exactly like you spiritually,
you're not going to find that
because we're like snowflakes spiritually.
We're all different.
We're all different spiritually,
but we need someone who's compatible to us spiritually.
We need that.
We need someone who's going to not interfere
with our personal relationship with God.
Let us worship the way that works for us.
In fact, in Symbus,
hopefully all of you will take premarital coaching with us
when it comes time.
We teach people to be able to, you know,
build a life together,
even though you're different spiritually.
Like there's a whole unit,
a whole module on spirituality
and allowing the other person to grow with the Lord
the way they grow without trying to force them
to do what you think is spiritual
or what you like to do and how you relate to the Lord.
Make sense?
So I feel like it's a yes until it's no, Crystal.
It doesn't really seem like it's quite a no yet.
I think if you put it before the Lord
and you really ask him to show you
what you need to see in this relationship.
Um, you know, I think you could possibly make a decision before, before,
uh, the beginning of next year.
Yeah.
Keep us, they have a joke.
They have a joke in my family.
Everybody loves Gino.
That's that's the, I mean, everyone loves him.
He he's probably, he's more positive than I am.
He has, you know, a lot of different, you know, characteristics.
You know, when I, whenever I'm, you know, I'm the glass half full, he's the, he's
the, or the glass half empty, he's the glass half full guy, you know, so.
He sounds like a great guy.
He is a great guy.
I mean, it just, you know, I would love to have children.
I would have loved to have children on my own, but you know, I guess maybe I have
a lot of things that I need to look, look at with the Lord again, you know, over it.
But I mean, you know, like, I don't want to just settle either.
Like, you know, that's, that's, you know,
well, here's the thing.
You're not even really sure if you can have children as far as biologically.
And from where I'm sitting, it kind of looks like you
might actually have children.
So, I mean, you're literally holding a baby right now and so, yeah, so, and
ladies, for all of you that are really hoping to mother and use your mothering
gift to raise children in a home with you, God can fulfill that desire in so
many different ways.
And I really, really would love for you to surrender that desire to the Lord,
especially for those of you that are in your upper forties, just, just, just
surrender it to the Lord.
Can you have a baby from your own body?
Sure.
Might it look some other way?
Yeah.
And, and any which way that it is, you know, coming from a woman who has
children that I both gave birth to, and I also, you know, someone else gave birth
to them, but they're my children.
Um, I know what I'm talking about.
The love is the same.
It's the same.
I mean, you love them all differently just because you love every child
differently, no matter what, whether they came from your body or not there
because of their, you know, personalities and temperaments and all the different
things with their genders, the way that they love you, the way that you interact
with them.
Um, but I love dearly all of my children and, you know, and, um, I love them all
differently, but not based on whether I gave birth to them or not.
I love them all.
I love them all ferociously, but differently.
And, um, it's, it's, it's awesome.
Being a mom, uh, of bios and non-bios is awesome.
All right.
So, um,
take it before the Lord situation right now.
Yeah.
And just, and, and, and don't, and don't need like a right now, tomorrow dream in
the middle of the night in the next 48 hours answer, just kind of let God show
you what you need to see.
Teach me, show me, heal me, grow me for the next 60 days into the first of the
year.
I think it's important for you, Crystal, to, if it really is going to, it's a yes
until it's no, if it really is going to be a no that you start that new year
fresh.
And because you guys are so close, you guys are really close.
You're not going to be able to be this guy's BFF and be married to somebody
else.
And so you'll have to figure out what that looks like if it ends up being a no.
And if it ends up being a yes, that you walk forward, fully confident with the
Lord, not worried about what this man doesn't have and focusing on what he does
have.
Okay.
Thank you.
And ladies that, that makes me want to say another thing.
The older that we get, the longer our list seems to get in certain ways where
it's like, well, I'm not going to settle.
I've been waiting this long.
I'm not going to settle.
So I'm going to add a few more things to the, to the list.
No, no, you're not.
You need to stop doing that.
Please stop doing that.
Your list should get shorter, less preferences, only non-negotiables from
heaven as you get older.
And I'm not saying that because it's like, well, you'll just take whatever you
can get.
No, it's because you should be maturing out of some of those preferences.
You should be maturing out of them.
It has nothing to do with, Oh, you know, beggars can't be choosers has nothing to
do with that.
It has to do with a lot of that stuff is shallow and immature that you have on
your list.
And some of it's fear-based and trauma-based and hopefully you're getting
enough healing and you're growing up enough that some of that stuff can just,
you can just let it go.
You can just let it go.
And your non-negotiables from heaven can be your non-negotiables from heaven.
And so you're wide open to step into a love story.
And it's great.
Okay.
Jessica, Frank.
Hey, thanks Jackie.
Um, mine is quick.
I, it's about timing.
I, I was talking to a guy actually from last year single, uh, but it was long
distance and, uh, we texted and talked on the phone, uh, pretty much every day.
It was, he totally took the initiative.
to hey can i ask you is are we talking about tim yes okay keep going uh to text me and then call me
and i kind of was like well um i would rather we meet before having like this much interaction
uh i don't know that the timeline it was definitely like a month maybe a little more
than a month before he could fly i'm in pennsylvania yeah he was in texas so he flew
um for like a saturday to a sunday uh and really in the first five minutes i'm like there is
zero connection here now i have this man in my town for two days like what do i do with him
you know i'm not the kind of woman that's going to be like okay figure it out on your own goodbye
like so we just kind of hung out and it was just a very long two days
so my question is simple like if it's long distance
what do you recommend as a level of communication until you can meet
i mean you should get in person as fast as you can it sounds like you guys did get in person
as fast as you can you found out sooner rather than later that there really isn't any chemistry
it's not just physical it sounds like there's not any emotional or mental or you know no kind of
you know sometimes you friends we get into person with people think about it non-romantically think
about all of the people that you work with you go to church with that you're in some kind of
community with that they're just not your vibe they're just not your vibe if you were going to
pick someone out of your community to do a 12-hour road trip with it wouldn't be them
okay and it's not because you don't like them they're fine they're just not your thing yeah
and you can't make it your thing and the same goes with romance i know that we
we think that we can make this happen you can't make it happen for yourself any more than you
can make yourself really like people that there's nothing wrong with that you work with you just
wouldn't want to do anything social with them and it's not because you don't know them you know them
work with them for 20 years you just you just you're not vibing you don't vibe with them we
don't vibe with everybody and this is why i created the levels of relationship we're all
on level one together and level two is platonic i want to really remind all of you of this level two
is platonic there's some of you that i've met in life like i'll take elizabeth erickson for
instance we met through friends the reason why elizabeth erickson is in this community is because
my close friend who i vibe with i vibe hard with okay introduced me to liz a couple years ago and
i you know i gave her some advice and we did some stuff and then she fell off because she got engaged
and then that got you know that got a that was a rescue mission and god broke that engagement he's
a matchbreaker and he brought her back around and then she'd rejoin the community but liz and i we
would hang out we would go on vacation together yeah she's my student here she's also a coach in
here but the bottom line is is we vibe feel me okay i've met other people through mutual friends
that i do not vibe with yes i had coffee with them yes i had lunch with them but i didn't need to have
any more interaction with them because i know that we don't vibe we don't there's no click
so level two is level one is you meet all kinds of people in life you're around all kinds of people
in community of all different sorts level two are the people that make the cut to vibe in you vibe
with them you want to hang out with them you have fun with them you want to see more of them whether
they're male or female once again it's platonic and then level three is only for opposite sex
relationships this is you have vibed so hard that you have vibed into a romance okay
you vibe so hard that now you don't want to vibe with anybody else but them exclusively in level
three and so i just say all that because it's no harm no foul for jessica that she was not feeling
this guy he's perfectly fine guy i've seen him you know but we don't all vibe okay he's in our
group and he's a nice guy um but and there's someone for everyone and there's someone who's
going to want to vibe with him all the way to level three four and five it's just not jessica
so talk try to figure out whether there's a vibe before we get in person let me ask you a question
because because when you got in person it was almost an immediately it was a yes until like no
is because of that what why didn't you pick that up earlier
i just want to know like what i don't know i will even facetime a couple times but you can't
see their whole body, like he was shorter than I thought.
He was like, it just wasn't anything like I expected
even after FaceTime.
Okay, so from now on, ladies,
when you're talking to someone long distance,
I want you to ask them to have someone take a picture
of them next to something that you know the size of
so you can get the scale of them, okay?
Have them take a picture next to something
that you relatively know how big that thing is
so you can see them at scale.
Does that make sense to everyone?
And so I'm totally kidding, but at the same time, I'm not.
So basically what Jessica is telling us
is that when he got in person, she got the ick.
She got the ick, and I've gotten the ick before,
and I'm sorry, because the ick is icky.
And it was energy too, it was like very interesting.
Like on the phone, it was friendly and nice,
and then in person, I'm like, whoa,
like there's like zero energy.
I'm not sure why it's different, but that was it.
It hits different, it hits different.
And this is why I tell all of you,
if you're talking to someone long distance
and you're excited about them,
please get in person with them as soon as humanly possible
because that excitement can totally fly out the window,
just like Jessica's.
And I think if you can't get in person,
maybe just don't talk as much.
Like I said, he was doing all of that,
but I think that's really the lesson for me
is if I choose to again,
communicate with someone long distance,
I will not, we will not speak every day
until we can meet in person.
Hey, you know what?
If that's the boundary for you
and you feel good about that, then that's great.
And I really want you guys to get in person
within three weeks.
And if you can't, Jessica's right,
you need to slow your roll.
Because I've had many a person think
that they're madly in love with someone
that they have never seen in real life.
And then when they meet them in real life,
it's Ickville and it's not cool
because then we got, we're hurting people's feelings.
We're hurting our own feelings.
All the feelings are getting hurt.
Jessica, how tall are you?
Five seven.
Okay.
Taller than you or shorter than you?
Same height.
Gotcha.
All men are five seven to five nine.
I told you ladies, please believe me.
Okay.
All right.
Jessica just proved my point.
Okay girls, so he knows that there's nothing
and then it's done.
Oh yeah.
Okay, good.
All right.
Yeah, yeah.
Moving on.
All right, cool.
All right, and once again, friends,
there's somebody for everyone.
There's somebody for everyone.
All those people that you would not want to be at BFFs with,
someone else wants to be their BFF.
Somebody else just thinks they're great, okay?
All right, Abby, can I tell you guys
what I don't like in a friend?
Do you guys want to know that?
So I had this woman, you guys,
I have, I've learned such better boundaries.
I just want, before I say this,
I just want to let you know
that I have much better boundaries five years later,
so don't come after me, okay?
I love people.
I genuinely do.
So I had this woman who was in this program,
but she also was an expert in specific type
of like perimenopausal fitness and stuff.
And so this is early in the program.
This is when there's just a small group of people
in the program, like 2021.
And so she wanted to gift me with her expertise
and she wanted to come out to Austin
and she wanted to like help me.
She wanted to cook for me
and she wanted to like help me
because my mom had passed away
and I gained a lot of weight and all this stuff.
Long story short, she came out
and she stayed in our guest.
We had like a guest thing.
She stayed in it and it was a rental house
and it just had this guest like mother-in-law thing.
And so she stayed in it.
And every day she was supposed to like,
she's gonna stay for a week
and she's supposed to like restock my kitchen
and shop for me and cook the food and all.
She just wanted to give this to me, right?
Because she loved me and she wanted to help me.
You guys, I was counting the minutes for her to leave.
There's nothing wrong with her.
She's a beautiful, wonderful person,
but she is like a smother mother.
That's her personality.
Like her personality, I'm doing my thing
and I turn around, she's right there.
She's right there.
It's right there, okay?
And I'm like, oh, okay.
Just always, can I help you?
How can I help you?
What can I do for you?
Let me do that for you.
Oh, don't carry that.
Let me carry it for you.
Stop, okay?
So some of us just don't like certain personalities
and it's important for you to understand
why certain personalities,
just you don't like them.
It's important because if you don't understand why
you could be perpetuating unhealed trauma
and if you got that trauma healed,
then you would not feel that way
about certain dynamics of someone's personality, okay?
Whether, no matter who those people are.
Because a lot of people have similar dynamics and you got to understand
Why do I not like this kind of dynamic about someone? Why does that bother me? And for others of us?
It's just preference. It doesn't it's not tied to trauma. It's just tied to I
Just I don't vibe with that kind of thing. I don't for me. It was tied to trauma
Okay, I best I practically raised myself
I stopped asking my mother to do anything for me when I was like in first grade. I did my own hair
I dressed myself. I made my own food came home from school. There was no one there, you know
Just took care of myself completely
So having someone especially a female
Come into my personal space and then try to treat me like I'm two years old. Uh-huh, honey
I just couldn't handle that but now I know why I couldn't handle it. I had some healing to do
So, please if something super gets on your nerves and it gives you the ick
Let's make sure we dig a little deeper and find out is it just icky because it's icky and it's just not your thing
Or is there some deeper healing to do? Okay friends? Okay, Abby, you're up
Thank you, Jackie, I joined kind of late so I missed the
part of before but you were
talking about like kind of like don't
Don't be too picky and stuff. But yeah, I think so and uh, I actually have questions
I don't know whether i'm too picky or not because I have never been in a relationship
And every time there's like guys there I would talk to I would quickly write them off
So I just traveled to a friend's wedding
and so she actually set a
Uh me and several other single ladies on the same table with some single guys
so there
one person was introduced me twice and uh,
I figured out he'd probably be a mama's boy
And uh, also the whole time he was sitting
on the upside of opposite side of me, I don't even know whether he know me or not because
It's the whole time my friend was talking with her his mother and he was like watching football game
Behind me, you know, there's big screen and he was not communicating with anyone. I'm like, okay. I don't think this guy
I'll keep you know talking and stuff like that. No, he doesn't have any he doesn't it's not necessarily that he's not interested in you
Obviously this doesn't have any kind of skills
And this is the problem with people who have not been in relationships. They just don't have the skills
Um to get to know people a lot of people do not have those skills
yeah, and there are two other guys and one I I feel awkward because
We were like from ohio, right? We were in california and he's like before we say the grace
He's like, oh, why don't you ladies say because you're from far away? I'm like why you know?
You are like a man and you're local
You know, why do you want to put us on the spot? And then when a cameraman came it's like, okay
Let's say some blessings to the bride and groom and he jumped again. He's like
Oh, thanks you guys you ladies from far away. Why don't you just you know?
Say something first. I was like i'm not even ready yet. That could be his way of being chivalrous though
I mean once again people can be super clueless when they don't have a lot of experience with the opposite sex
And what can come across?
Like obviously offensive. It's obviously offend offending you you don't think it's masculine
In his mind he could think that he's being chivalrous that he's being kind that he's being gracious
Um that he's you know, he's preferring you. I mean, it's different strokes for different folks, honestly
Yeah, because my friend is like oh actually he's a very helpful and kind person, you know
Love the lord
I want to put a pin in you for a minute abby because I think I want to I want to do some deeper teaching
On what abby's saying? Let me just grab michelle. Okay. Michelle needs to go real quick and i'm gonna come back
What's up, michelle?
Go ahead and ask your question
Well, I kind of have to go now but
Yeah, I don't know. It's not really that much time
Um, just tell us real quick what it is and i'll try to answer it. Okay
Um, so I talked I went out with I talked to this guy twice on the phone
And we met once in person and he just talks. He doesn't like ask me any questions
It's not very deep. He's recently divorced
Um, he lives about hour and hour and a half from me, but he works near me
I'm, just on the fence to see him or not again
Um, he seemed like a nice guy, you know, we had you know, he seemed you know
But again recently divorced just like within the month
Just talks he just talks and doesn't ask anything
So, I don't know if that's just how men are or this guy
Well, you know, here's the thing the thing is and and this kind of goes into what abby is saying too ladies
We're not going to make snap judgments
Okay, if there is anything about the connection that is positive that you know, we're like, okay
We're not gonna force ourselves to give them a second chance or not second even second a chance
But to to get a second date or to get a you know, a second a look a second look at them
We're not gonna force ourselves, but think about it
How many things have you not purchased because you're not really sure if it's what you're looking for
But there was enough
Interest in it that you went and gave it a second. Look anyone ever put anything on hold
You're not really sure if you want it or not
But you're you're also not sure if you don't so you kind of put it on hold and you go and you take a second
Look at it
Okay, so Michelle, I would say
If there was anything first of all being divorced recently is not in my in my opinion is not the deal-breaker
Some people are separated for years before they get divorced
Some marriages are over for decades before it finally ends in divorce
And so I definitely wouldn't judge that until you know more a lot of men, especially if they've been married
They don't know how to date. They don't know how to communicate with women that are not their former wife
And so there's a learning curve there if you need someone who's moving ready who's done the work
They know how to communicate they understand what a woman's looking for and they know how to give it to her
Then this isn't your guy if those are your deal-breakers if you have enough
Interest in anything that happened there
He smelled good, you know, he paid the check you're willing to give him a second date. Remember. It's not a proposal
It's just a second coffee or a second lunch
Then go out with him again and have an open mind and see if any of this improves
And hopefully she she hears that since I don't know if her timer was just gonna go off and then she was just gonna
Disappear or what happened? Okay, Abby
Same thing with you
Yes, I I don't know. I don't know you that well
but it seems like you might have a really rigid kind of mindset about what people should or shouldn't do and
Like, you know, maybe bordering a little bit on prejudgment
Yeah, I say you're right. Okay, and you know how you can get over that
By understanding that everybody needs grace
Nobody is gonna do anything perfectly the way that we've imagined it should be done
Nobody's gonna do that
zero I
Know that we see all these love stories and we just imagine that the guy said all the right things and did all the right
Things and the woman was just amazed and wowed by him and that's how they ended up married
no, they both gave each other grace and
There was some kind of vibe that kept them wanting to see each other again and again and again
Even if it was just a little baby vibe, even it was just a little tiny tiny spark that needed to you know
Have a little fanning of the flame and David misstepped so often when we when we were friends and neighbors
I mean he misstepped so often
He did so many things that I kind of raised an eyebrow to and wasn't sure and kind of walked away
You guys I can't tell you how many times I walked away
From David we weren't in a relationship. We were neighbors, but I walked away from an interaction with him
Like oh wow
I kind of like that guy and then equally as many times walked away from an interaction with him like yeah
No, I don't I
Can't tell you how many times he did something that I just thought was icky or he just had something weird on that day
And I didn't like his shoes and his you know
And then he like
Lost his glasses and he started wearing an old pair of glasses he had from the past and they had like
Transition lenses and it like made him look like he was 85 years old
I mean, I can't tell you how many times I thought there might be a spark and then I was like now
No
No spark
So what happened?
Abby was in my favor because God obviously knew what I needed
But because he was my neighbor I kept getting
Oh
They left we've lost her
Oops she'll be back
In the meantime want to have a tiny praise fest and drop in the chat something you're thankful for
All right, so I kept getting another opportunity to kick the tires
I kept getting another opportunity to see if there was something there that wasn't there before
You know Beauty and the Beast and so Abby I really want you to give yourself an opportunity
To really see what someone's like
Not just David Durham was trying to rescue me my phone went dead just now
Um, honey, I was just telling them that it wasn't love at first sight.
Wait, what?
And I was telling them how I made you dye your hair and it turned into Wayne
Newton hair for both of your daughter's weddings.
Yes.
Okay.
So Abby, I want you to give yourself, you know, some time.
Half of what she's saying is true.
And the other half is also true.
Um, and, um, so, you know, give yourself an opportunity to really
see what someone's like.
And when you find yourself, when you find yourself making like really
snap judgments or even kind of harsh judgments about someone, I want you to
take note of that and ask yourself, you know, uh, am I just scared?
You know, am I, am I wanting to make sure that I don't like misstep or, you
know, start to like the wrong person?
And so is that why my bar is set so high?
Yeah, I think, uh, fierce.
Yeah, you're right.
Sure.
Yeah.
But I can guarantee you this, and I'm going to guarantee all you ladies,
this, the man that you guys eventually give your heart to is going to be an
imperfect person, thousand percent.
It's going to be an imperfect person.
Um, but his imperfections are not going to be deal breakers for you.
Okay.
Yeah.
Let's say hi.
Hi everyone.
Hi David.
His hair is not black right now.
You guys it's brown.
It's brown.
It's kind of crazy.
It's kind of, yeah, it's kind of, yeah.
He, he went gray really quick.
He, his dad has like silver hair, like full Bobby Bobby, his, his name Bobby.
And his hair is like really, really silver.
And David would be all silver like that too, probably already.
And I'm just not ready for that yet.
I'm not ready for that.
So, all right.
We got miss young, miss young.
I see your hand.
Go for it.
Hey there.
Hi David.
I have a question about, cause I've been reflecting a little bit about, uh, the
last like situationship that ended in my life and I feel like I have a tendency
after like genuine connections, not just like a couple of dates, but like genuine
connections I have with people when it ends, I find myself like skidding out
for a couple of months and like really having to heal my heart.
And I think that this last one has left me feeling like I'm not whole, like
not like that situation left me not whole, like, but questioning my wholeness.
And so I'm wondering like, um, Hey, how to look at the heart work in a different
way to say like, do I need to pause from dating and evaluate if I'm actually
okay, I need it.
I need a few clarifying questions.
Sure.
Are you, are you.
Doubting your wholeness because you're like, why did I choose this person?
Like what, what would, what would possess me to be in this relationship?
Like, is, is that why you're doubting your wholeness?
Yeah.
Okay.
Or like decisions that I made in it, you know, um, or even just like the fact
that I feel so much hurt after root, like situationships or relationships end.
And, and I feel like it's this time of year, every year, like, wait,
aren't you, aren't you my actress?
Okay.
Yeah.
So that could be why you feel so strongly because you have a gift that's
overextended that becomes a weakness, you know, because people that go into
the acting profession are usually people who kept like strong levels of empathy.
They can put themselves in scenarios into things that are
fictional, um, and feel it.
Right.
And so that's possibly one of the reasons why you have such a hard time.
Yeah.
Um, after, after a relationship, because you probably have an Achilles
heel in the area of fantasy, um, you know, wanting things to be, you know,
what, what you would want them to be.
And then, um, the other thing is though, but ladies, this goes for everyone.
And we're not going to ask her to dish unless she wants to, but all of you are,
you really, really want to obviously to have a partner for this life,
have a witness to your life.
That's what you're wanting.
You're wanting someone, um, to do life with, and that's why you're here.
And so any of these relationships that you start to be in, you are, you, you
obviously want that to be the person you want it to work out.
And a lot of times we're willing to do things that afterwards we
really question ourselves.
Like, why was I willing to do that?
Um, that, you know, why was I willing?
to, you know, kind of betray myself in some ways in order to make this relationship work.
And part of that is being a female.
Okay, part of it is being a woman, women, we are trained from the moment we can understand
language that we're the ones that make the sacrifices, we're the ones that make the compromises.
We're the ones that need to, you know, give, you know, give lots of leeway to the man kind
of thing.
And then secondly, a lot more women are anxious attachers and anxious attached people usually
part of being anxiously attached or attaching anxiously, I should say,
is being willing to break your own rules in order to keep the love of someone else.
So gotta be careful with that.
Yeah, I think I tend to be through the work that I've done more of a secure attacher,
but I feel like in the last situation, there were some triggers that made some anxious
behaviors come out for sure.
I think I could definitely see that.
Well, ladies, that's another thing that you need to also know is that even if you think
that you're a secure attacher, which, you know, all of us can learn to be secure attachers.
Even when we think that we are, if you get with a man who is very avoidant, it can make
even you secure attachers anxious.
And so we got to really be careful with that.
Yeah.
So forgive yourself.
Are you willing to forgive yourself?
I mean, you got I mean, we can't go forward unless we're willing to take a look at what
we're not proud of, whatever decisions, whatever we said, whatever we did, and ask the Lord
to show us, you know, why?
Mm hmm.
And the revealing for healing cycle, why?
And then also forgive ourselves.
Even if you have to look yourself in the mirror and say, you know, I forgive you.
I forgive you for, you know, for compromising, you know, what you believe, or I forgive you
for putting up with this and not walking away immediately.
You know, all of us, let's take abusive relationships.
I have a friend who's in a very abusive situation right now.
And I love her.
And it would be it's very tempting to say, you know, why do you keep going back to this
or, you know, like calling her out and saying, you know, why are you putting up with this?
Or, you know, why are you doing this to yourself?
The problem is, is that she doesn't know.
I could ask her that question all day long, but she doesn't know because she needs to
do the hard work in order to really see why she's doing that.
And so if we're willing to question ourselves and our own behavior and be that good friend
that asks ourselves, look yourself in the mirror and say, hey, why do you think this
is what you deserve?
Why did you why did you allow them to say that to you or, you know, walk all over you?
Or why did you make this decision?
We have to begin to be that friend to ourselves.
And until we are able to really get to the root of the answer.
Because otherwise, it's just fruit.
Remember, until we get to the root, all of the other stuff's just fruit.
It's going to keep growing back until we get to the root.
So good.
Thank you.
Yeah, you are worthy, honey.
You are worthy of an amazing man.
And and let's try to get with a man who's very emotionally honest.
I think that's going to be important for you.
Amen.
Thank you, Jackie.
Crystal's got all kinds of stuff.
She's got a baby.
She's got a dog on the camera.
That dog reminds me of what what's that?
What's that llama's name?
What's that ostrich's name?
Ostrich.
That goes to the camera.
She's like, oh, not Walter.
No, Emmanuel.
Emmanuel.
If you guys ever seen the Emmanuel videos.
There's a lady that like, you know, she talks about she raises ostriches.
Well, she raises animals.
She's like a vet or something.
And she's talking about animals and what they do.
And she has this crazy ostrich named Emmanuel.
And he's fascinated with her camera.
So every time she's like on camera, she's talking.
And then you'll see this ostrich all the way up in the camera.
She's like, and you hear her in the background.
Emmanuel, don't do it.
Don't do it, Emmanuel.
And then, of course, he he like knocks it over, knocks over the camera.
Anyway, Crystal, I feel like that is your camera right now.
You got a baby.
You got a dog looking in the camera.
You got all kinds of stuff.
Look at that.
Two dogs.
All kinds of stuff going on.
Okay.
So Miss Young was the last to go.
I hope you guys had some fun tonight.
I had fun with you.
But ladies, here's the takeaway.
Let's make sure that our list.
are not getting longer, they're actually getting more divine, divinely organized.
Okay.
That we're really allowing God to bring to us, not just what we want, but what we
need, that is really the takeaway from tonight and also that the siege is truly
over, we're seeing all kinds of proof of it.
And so please do not be the guy in that story that didn't believe, I'm not
saying you're going to get trampled to death, but the prophet said he wouldn't
see the breakthrough and it isn't about what God is doing, it's about what we
think God is doing and so I really want to encourage you to come into alignment
with what God is doing and we are seeing it, it's not just about, we don't have
to walk by faith even, we're seeing it, we're seeing it manifested and so Lord
help us, look at that baby, help us Lord, help us God to come into full alignment
in our lives with everything that you have for us, the siege truly is over and
now is the time, now is the time.
All right friends, don't forget, there's plenty of time, even in this year for
the beginnings of a love story, for you to actually meet someone and start
something, start something good.
So get out there and be your cute self, be your funny self, be your sweet self,
just be all the self that you are, that's what we're learning, be all the self that
you are because whoever God has for you is going to like every bit of it, so don't
hold back, be the whole thing.
I yelled at this guy the first time that I met him and he still liked me, in fact he
said he doesn't remember me yelling at him.
It just goes to show you that men are not paying attention to what we're saying.
I remember the moment, I just don't remember the tone.
You don't remember the tone.
Eighteen years, you guys, we've been married for 18 years, been together for
almost 19 years.
All right, pray for your ladies.
Father God, I just thank you, Lord, for each of these ladies on this call tonight
and those that were on it before.
Lord, I just thank you for your daughters.
I thank you for the feminine of God.
I thank you for the manifestation of their dreams and the ideas that you have
planted within them.
I thank you, Lord, that you have given them an understanding of what could be and
what should be according to kingdom values and you've given them hope and you've
given them desire.
And so as they act upon those desires, as they act upon those things to submit
those and resubmit those back to you, Lord, bring them to fruition.
Bring them to fullness.
Bring them into the light.
Bring them into the now.
And we just thank you right now, Lord, that you want your sons and daughters
married.
And so we just confess that.
We declare that.
And we add our faith with these.
We add our faith to your faith to multiply it and add it together to believe with you
and for you for the best that God has in and through you in Jesus name.
Amen.
Love you guys.
Receive it and believe it.
Love you, man.
Thank you.