I would love to see some more smiling faces if you can come on screen with me.
So glad to have you joining us this evening.
I'm Bethany Cooper.
I'm one of the master hardware coaches here in the community.
We have Annette Lewis, who is one of our peer coaches here with us as well.
So glad to be here with you all tonight.
If you are brand new, if you have never been on a live session before,
we'd love for you to put that in the chat for us so we can welcome you and
celebrate with you because you've taken a really amazing step to invest in your
heartwork.
For all of my ladies that have come back for more, welcome back.
I'm so glad to see you all as well.
We're excited to see what God's going to do tonight.
Just one quick housekeeping from me,
and then I'm going to pass it over to Annette for a couple and she's going to
pray us in. And this is more of just a friendly reminder.
It's just something I do every like month or so.
And it's not so much that people were doing anything wrong.
This is more of a,
just keeping everybody's heart in the right place when you're here for the
heartwork. So a lot of us are very good at serving.
Women are known for nurturing and serving and giving.
Also a lot of people come in, you've been in ministry, you've been coaching,
you've been counseling, you know,
some people are caregivers and I want it to be really,
really central in all of you that while you are here,
your only role is to receive. Okay.
That's it.
You don't have to help your other sisters in their time of need.
You don't have to try to coach them.
You don't have to try to help them figure out what's going on with them.
You can celebrate with them. You can say, I'm going to, you know,
I'm praying for you. I'm cheering you on as your sister,
but the main goal for you is to receive as a daughter,
to receive healing as a daughter and to make friends with your sisters.
That's it.
And so I just want to just remind you all to take all your helper hats off
while you're here.
And literally some of you might need to actually visualize doing that.
Like, okay, I'm coming in the heartwork group to receive.
I'm not going to put in my, like put on my helper hat. You know,
I'm not going to put my helper hat on. I'm not going to put my.
And so we want to make sure that we put the air mask on ourselves before
we're trying to help anybody else.
And for some of you, that has been kind of your Achilles heel.
You've been really busy. Most of your life, helping everybody else.
And even here during the heartwork,
that is going to be one of the enemies distractions for you.
He's going to try to get you to help.
Not even just people here in the heartwork,
but he'll try to get you to do that too.
And he'll send you all of your friends that are needy.
All of, you know, even if you have kids that have lots of needs,
which kids do, but sometimes some of our kids have a lot more needs than
others. Right.
And so those things will all start to bubble up and you're going to have
to come face to face with, okay, where do I balance?
Where do I need to set boundaries?
And what is important in this season is God led you here for healing.
And so we want to really be on guard against the enemy's distractions.
And if that resonates for you,
that being a helper actually sometimes is a distraction and might even be
something that, you know,
makes you vulnerable to attacks of the enemy with people that are unhealthy
as well, that are takers, just start praying into that. Okay.
And maybe if you're not sure, maybe just ask the Lord,
does that apply to me? And let's just see what he says. Okay.
And then I'm going to pass that over to you and let you take it from here
and pray us in after the other housekeeping items.
Great. Thanks, Bethany. Hi, everyone.
It's good to be back with you again this week after missing last week when I
was up in Canada, missed being here, but was praying for you all.
And a reminder about supernatural Saturday.
If you didn't get a chance to listen this week,
it was God invites us into choices and we do,
we have choices every day and God doesn't run us down,
but he invites us to come. And so I invite you to listen to the replay.
I actually did not also have an opportunity to be there this Saturday.
So I'm going to listen to the replay as well.
I'm always blessed by it and know that you will be too.
So join us live if you can,
but try and make time to listen to that replay you'll be blessed.
And then, um,
second item on my list that I wanted to speak about tonight is we really want
to invite all of you to come into the group and post.
If you have questions about content, homework, um,
or something that comes up for you during the week that we can, um, uh,
dive in a little deeper with you about offer suggestions, offer prayer.
That's what we're here for. And we want to support you in every way possible.
So please, um,
Take that opportunity to engage and also you never know which one of your sisters is struggling with something similar and it really can
Encourage them also to be brave and post or they learn from what you're willing to share. So
we look forward to
Reading your posts each week and we'll see you this week in the group
And now I'm gonna pray us in and then hand it back to Bethany
Okay
Heavenly thought father. Thank you for the privilege of being gathered together
Tonight and thank you that where two or more are gathered you promise that you're there and you're here with us tonight
You're here with each one of the ladies
You have treasures for each one of them in
Their heart that you want to unlock that you want to unveil that you want to uncover and that you want to heal
I pray that you would give them eyes to see and ears to hear and be responsive to your Holy Spirit's leading and guiding as
You seek to come alongside them shower them with your love
And comfort them with your care as they are on this heart healing journey bless Bethany as she speaks tonight
may the words that she speaks be your words and
Thank you for using her to minister to each one tonight in your name. I pray. Amen
Thanks, man. Yeah. Thank you. Um, I want to do something really quick
I've just this has come up in my spirit a couple times
And so I just want to always obey
I want to encourage you all just to like hold your hands out and I just you know
If you want to close your eyes close your eyes if you don't want to that's fine, too
But I just want to get in a posture of receiving
I just hear the Lord saying that some people just it's really tough for you to just pause and receive and so we want to
Practice that tonight before we even go forward. And so Lord, we just thank you right now
That we don't have to strive for answers
God that your father that reveals things for healing in our perfect timing
So Lord, we just we just thank you that you're here with us Jesus that you died for our freedom
Holy spirit that you're here among us that you're you're giving insight that you're giving revelation and we receive it tonight
We receive it with open hands open hearts
Pray that you would remove any hindrance that would keep us from being able to receive the insight you have for us from heaven
In Jesus name
Amen
And so for some of you, I want you to really start practicing that
Even in the morning, you know, I ask you all in this in this heart work course
We ask you to put up that permission slip after you fill it out and be praying that on a regular basis
But for some of you, you know doing an activation where you actually are your hands are out
Your heart like just pausing and like like in yourself knowing that you're opening your heart to receive
It just can kind of change the whole dynamic between you and the lord
And some of you might be afraid like okay
What is god going to give me?
Because some think you know, you believe lies that some of the things that god gave you in the past have harmed you
Well, it hasn't been the lord that has brought you harm. That has been the enemy
The enemy is the one who brings death and destruction and harm
So if you believe that god brought something into your life
And it harmed you the enemy has skewed your perception through the filters and the trauma that you've gone through
And so for whoever that's for god loves you
And he wants you to know that he is working in your life and he has good things for you
And the story that he's rewriting that's a part of it for you
He's rewriting the story and the dialogue that you're hearing
And everything that it's being filtered through
So that you can know that he he is a kind father as well. Not a harsh task master
And so I just want to lean into that for all of you for myself as well as we move forward tonight
We're talking about identity if you remember for those of you that were here last week
Hopefully that you if you weren't here you caught the replay if you're brand new check that out
It's under the replay tab
And if you didn't have time to listen to that
And the reason is is i'm kind of building on last week. You don't have to jump off
You don't have to leave stay here with us
but just know that
Some of the things i'm going to say tonight you might want to go and allow god to fill in some dots for you
That's all i'm saying. Okay, so we're building on last week a little bit last week
We talked about the real you as in who did god originally create you to be
Before trauma before wounds before any pain or punishment from the enemy entered our lives, right?
and so
this week we're talking about that more but from the perspective of
you know
What does god want you to know about your identity in him like?
Not only the who is the real you but who is he trying to solidify you as and so we're gonna do a little
bit of an activation very quickly here. I want, I'm going
to ask you a question, like to fill in a blank, basically. And
I don't want you to think about it a lot. I just want you to
give me the first things that come and I don't want you to
over Christianize this. What I mean by that is I, if you think
great things, awesome. If that is the first thing you hear,
that's amazing. But if you hear other things, please don't be
afraid to put that in here because this is about you
getting your breakthrough. And if you hold that back, you might
miss out on something. Okay. Alright, so I want you to fill
in the blank of this next statement with like the first
two to three words that come to your mind. I am blank. I am
blank. What comes to mind? Two to three words, put that in the
chat for me. Whatever you hear. If it's good things, if it's
not good things, whatever you heard first, put that in the
chat for me. I'm always running, soft, a work in progress, child
of God, beautiful, holy, righteous, a child of God,
loving, a lot, and long winded. Sorry, I'm trying to keep up
here. Quiet nature, tired, concerned, drained, blessed,
redeemed, sad, lonely, beautiful, silly, funny, diamond
in the rough, daughter of God, tired, overwhelmed, unseen,
healed, loved, hilarious, short, fat, beautiful, unseen, precious,
gifted of the Lord, strong, tired, directionless. They're
going to keep coming and that's good. Keep putting them in there
as you get them. Single, anxious at this time, I'm tired and
willing, and then jewel. These are all really, really good, you
all. And this is the thing. If you heard something negative, I
want you to know that that's going to be a signal to you that
that's an area that you need healing. Okay. And that's why it
was important for you to put those in there. And that we
don't try to filter things out to sound good, right? Because
don't y'all sometimes feel like that's what we do in church and
the Christian environments, because we think we know what
the desired answer is. We think we have to say that. And it's
really important in this heartwork process for you to be
as real as you can be with the Lord and yourself. Okay. It's
not so much for us. This is about you getting the healing
that you need. Now, if you heard all good things, that's totally
fine, too. And maybe your negative things will come with a
different question or a different statement, because we
all have them, you all. I've been coaching this for almost
five years. And I can tell you, I still hear negative things all
the time. And they come out of those broken places that still
need healed. And we're gonna, y'all, we're gonna need healing
until the day that Jesus comes back. So doesn't mean we're
gonna be in the ICU that long, praise the Lord, we don't have
to stay in the ICU. But the reality is, is that life
presents things all the time. Some of those things are amazing
and some of those things hurt us. And when things hurt us,
lies tend to enter in that time. Okay. So as we keep moving
forward, I want you to be thinking a lot tonight about
your thoughts. What are you currently aligning with, that
are not God's truths over you? And to you, remember, we want to
partner with the things of heaven. Sometimes we don't even
know where this stuff is coming from. And it comes so fast. Look
at how fast and quickly some of those things came. Colby heard
that she's always running. That's really, I mean, that is
probably the first time anyone has said that. And that's so
important. So we want to make sure with any of these things
that we're looking at, okay, when is the first time in that
situation, in that kind of statement, what I would do with
that, if I heard that is I would go to the Lord and say,
Lord, when was the first time I ran or felt led to run from a
situation? And just allow him to start showing you when that
first started for you. Because if that is something you're
believing or even subconsciously partnering with, that when, you
know, something gets hard, you run. Well, maybe that's
something that was also passed down to you from from a family
member and seeing how they handled situations. Sometimes it
does begin with us. But a lot of times you all we are these are
learned behaviors. These are learned mindsets and, and heart
postures. Remember last week, I was talking about Adam and Eve,
and when they had sinned. Well, remember, God encountered them
in the garden, he went looking for them, y'all, he already knew
where they were. But don't you think it's pretty cool that God
was like, hey, why are you hiding basically? And Adam said,
well, because I was naked and God's question back is, well,
who told you that you were naked? That was from that
Genesis three.
the eight through 11. And so tonight, I want to talk about
who or what are you currently getting your identity from? Are
you getting your identity from what you've eaten, so to speak,
like in that Eve in Adam ate of the fruit, and then their eyes
were opened. But that in that regard, it wasn't a good thing.
So some of us Yes, it's been the situations we've gone through
in our lives. But some of us have also seen really bad
things happen to other people, loved ones, friends. I told the
story this afternoon, and some of you may have heard this part
of my story before, but when I was in fourth grade, so about
eight or nine years old, um, my oldest brother, my mom and my
sister were hit by a drunk driver. And they did all
survive. So I don't want anyone to feel super triggered by this.
But I just want to tell a little bit of the story. Because as a
fourth grader, that was a very traumatic thing for me and my
family. My mom, thankfully did walk away with just some scrapes
and cuts and things like that. But my oldest brother was in a
coma for a long time, several, several weeks, my sister had to
have brain surgery, very scary things for me as an eight or
nine year olds. My brother did recover, he did come out of
that. But he had to learn how to do everything over again, they
sent him to a rehab in another city, like, I don't know, I
think it was like an hour away from us. So my mom had to always
leave and go there. And so I had to stay with aunts and friends
and grandparents. And sometimes I went with them. And, you know,
just all kinds of things. My sister, when she was in high
school, a few years after that accident, started having
seizures, it was a very traumatic thing. And then I also
was like, one of the only people that could get her to come out
of the seizures more quickly. And so there was a lot of things
over not only that fourth grade year, when I was eight or nine,
but as I got older, the weight and the responsibility of the
things that were still happening in our family as like
after-effects, if you will, you know, the earthquake, the
initial one happens. And then sometimes there's additional
ones that happen, the tremors, y'all, that's what that's what
trauma is like sometimes, right? So I want you just to be
thinking about not only your own direct trauma, but what are some
other things that you have seen? I also I didn't even think of
this this afternoon. But it's coming up in my spirit. Tonight,
when I was in high school, I played softball. And I had this
friend, she was so she was a Christian, you all and she was a
very faithful Christian. And one of those people that planted
seeds in my heart that you know, I still think about as as
you can probably tell, I'm very fond of her. She was really fun,
really fast, she had like just a great personality. And then one
day she was in a car accident and died. And I remember even
back then thinking like, I don't understand she was one of the
good ones. Like it was very hard for me to comprehend that. And
because I really liked her. And so again, these are things that
we carry right until we deal with them. Losing that person at
a young age, that was this light in my life was tough. And so
what is what have we eaten? What have we taken in through trauma
in the things that we've witnessed and experienced that
we are now allowing that to inform our identity? Also, what
have people said to you? You know, I want you to be thinking
about what are the things that you now think today about
yourself, because someone else said it to you. And these can be
kind things as well as unkind things. But that you are aware of
those things that are informing your identity. Then also, who
does the enemy say that you are? What is the enemy even saying to
you for all these years that he's still saying to you? And
then as we were working on last week, and hopefully you're
working on your silhouette still, I saw a couple come in
way to go on those that did those. But who does God say you
are, that we would become more and more rooted in our identity
and who God says we are louder than any voice of the enemy, any
voice of what other people have said to us any voice of trauma,
or wounds or lies that we believed as a result of them. So
you want to start looking at your root system. Okay, so the
lies that we believe are, they basically are the roots that,
you know, we're getting our nutrients from, if you will. And
I'm going to talk about that here in just a moment. But we're
gonna all typically have some healthy roots and unhealthy
roots. And the unhealthy roots and healthy roots are going to
feed right up into the fruit of the tree. So you want to look at
the fruit of your life.
It is also going to be how you identify the lies that you're believing.
If you have unhealthy fruit, and we're going to talk about what that means here in a minute
a little bit more, that is going to be one of the ways you can say, okay, Lord, this
is an area I know that you're wanting me to change something in my life.
Remember we're not looking for behavior change.
We're not looking for you to just be good and be on your good behavior for a short amount
of time.
Instead, we want you to internally be transformed from the inside out so that you experience
freedom and lasting change.
Where are you getting your nutrients from?
What's in the soil of your heart?
When we talk about soil tonight, I want you just to be thinking about I'm referencing
your heart.
What's in there?
What is feeding your thoughts?
What are feeding your actions and the things that you're doing?
Luke 6 45 in the NLT says this, a good person produces good things from the treasury of
a good heart and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart.
What you say flows from what is in your heart.
So I want you to kind of pause and think about in the last few days, a negative thing that
you said, whether that was internally or even speaking it out that was negative about yourself.
And then I want you to think about that, where that's flowing from in your heart and asking
the Lord to reveal what still needs healed.
That is causing that negativity, those negative thoughts to flow from your heart.
Are your roots giving you life or are they causing death and decay?
So how can we tell what's in our roots?
We want to look at that fruit that I was referring to earlier.
So I'm going to read to you just a couple of things from the heart workbook.
The first part is in chapter five, I believe is what I was looking at earlier.
Let me double check.
Yeah.
From the heart womb.
So if you think about a womb, remember a woman is where a baby is not only started, but that's
where it gets its nutrients from the umbilical cord from the mom.
So if the mom is not nourishing herself, if she's not putting good things in her body,
you all, well, that baby gets malnourished, right?
And it's born.
And it, a lot of times will be a failure to thrive label on that baby.
So I want you to think about the seeds that are planted in your heart right now, that
they represent a baby, if you will, not a physical baby, but something that is going
to be birthed here in the physical realm, because what we're partnering with in the
spiritual realm, everything in us is birthed out of us.
So if we have seeds, if we have brokenness in here, eventually we're going to birth that
out of us one way, shape, or form.
And that's what the unhealthy fruits show up.
If we have healthy stuff, if we're feeding ourselves with good nutrients, you all guess
what?
We're going to birth some good stuff out of there, aren't we?
All right.
So let's talk about this.
Fruits are the emotional or physical manifestation and the subsequent actions.
So not only again, the lies that we believe, but then how we act on those lies, the truth
that we believe, and then how we act on the truth.
Okay.
But tonight we're talking about the unhealthy fruit to try to help you kind of figure that
out.
So those are the things that we are coming out of, again, what we believe in our heart.
So some of the fruits might include sickness, self-pity, a victim mentality, despair, suicidal
tendencies, disgust, judgment.
Just on a side note, if you have a problem with judging other people, it's because you
have a fragmented heart.
A judgmental heart is a hurting heart.
Some more fruits are obesity, perversion, addiction, sexual dysfunction.
You all that includes not being able to control yourself in a relationship, okay?
That also includes pornography.
That also includes masturbation, hopelessness, hatred, self-hatred.
Just so you know, all forms of hatred begin with self-hatred.
You cannot hate someone else without first hating yourself.
Some other fruits here that we need to look at, abrasiveness, short temper, irritability,
jealousy, envy, competitiveness, comparing, gossiping, backstabbing, being unhappy, ungratefulness,
selfishness, having a poverty mentality.
If you are habitually negative, unfaithful, or have any form of dis, including disease,
disconnection, discontent, and disappointment, you are suffering from a broken heart.
Y'all, we could go on and on and on, right?
But as you can see, a lot of times, often what we believe is the problem is just the
fruit of what actually is the problem.
Y'all, competitiveness, gossiping, I'm just going to pull out a few, negativity.
sexual dysfunction, not being able to, like, really walk in the fruits of the spirit, including
self-control, y'all, that's, the problem is underneath of that stuff. And that's what
we always hear or trying to get you to get to the root of the matter. I'm going to go
over a couple other things real quick. The next part is what you believe about yourself
you become. So for example, you know, some of those things that were in the chat earlier,
if you believed that, if you believe that you are long winded, you're going to become
long winded. You all, if you believe that you are, um, always drained, always overwhelmed,
then guess what's going to happen. We're going to produce that in our lives. I told the story
this afternoon, um, when I was coaching someone, um, when we went through the mold situation here,
y'all, I was so proud of our house. I'm telling you what I worked hard to get our house all
situated new furniture here in Florida, all cute decorated and y'all mold is like chaos
because we had to hustle and pack as much as we could, but then the rest,
somebody else came into my house. People. I don't even know packing up my stuff.
Praise the Lord. They did a good job because stuff didn't break. But you all,
when we got back into our house, there's just, it's just dust everywhere. It's a mess.
I didn't know where half of my stuff was is all in boxes, but I couldn't find things for a long
time. And then I would walk by that room and I would just be like, Oh, I'm so overwhelmed. Gosh,
I don't want to deal with that. It's so overwhelming. And I didn't even mean to
do it, but literally it was overwhelming. And I was frustrated because it was a lot of work.
The first time to get my house set up, let alone a year later, having to turn around and basically
do it all over again. But guess what? The more that I walked by that room and said, man, that's
overwhelming. The more overwhelmed I got, but the day that the Lord was like, Hey, you need to stop
saying that. I'm like, I know, I know Lord, but it's so overwhelming. That's what I said to him.
You all, can you relate to me at all? He said, I know, but let me help you.
And you know what he showed me? He showed me that, um, I said this to you, I think on a
different session, you know, how do we eat an elephant one bite at a time? So he said to me,
instead of, instead of putting the pressure on yourself to just resolve that room and one week
or one weekend, because we were, we came back in and like, y'all, I don't know if you know anything
about church, but we, we moved back into our house. It wasn't even finished yet. So we still
have construction going on. And when you hit September in a church, you're entering a very
busy season. It's very, very busy and it gets busier all the way through the end of the year.
And so, um, part of the overwhelm was that I felt like I had to get it resolved right away. And,
and I just didn't have the capacity in me to do it. I just didn't. And so what I started doing,
this is what God led me to do is I started with one box. Okay. I wrote on my to-do list,
put away one box today. And I remember feeling so kind of ashamed and guilty for just only
committing to one box. But I, I remember also when I put away that one box, I started like,
Oh, well, that felt good. And then I just started upping it to two boxes.
And so you all I'm gaining momentum and I'm starting to get my house back in order and it
feels good. So why am I saying that to you? Why, how is that linked to identity? Well,
what I just said to you is what we believe about ourselves, about our situations.
That's what's going to manifest what we believe about ourselves. We become,
so what are you partnering with right now in your heart, in your mind about yourself,
about your identity, about your story? What is the tape that you're allowing to play in your mind
that tonight the Lord is like, Hey, you need to push stop on that thing. Cause it is not serving
you. And he wants to help you learn how to defeat the elephant one bite at a time. So to speak,
for some of you, it is your love story. You don't see how it could happen,
but guess what? You don't have to, because God knows how it
can happen and he knows how to orchestrate it.
You just get to partner with him one step at a time.
In the heartwork journey, if you feel overwhelmed,
cause I'm telling you, some of you, you are going to,
it's going to happen.
You're going to feel overwhelmed, but guess what?
Just like me, you can just kind of, okay,
I can't do the whole thing this week,
but I can watch one video or I can read five pages
in the book, commit to something versus just giving up
and giving into that, all right?
So I want to keep going here.
All right, so we want to talk a little bit about,
Annette, I'm just going to do the one breakout tonight,
just so you know, I'm going to go right into vows.
I want to talk a little bit about vows that we believe
and in particular, inner vows on the inside of us.
There are determinations set in our mind and heart
to protect us from pain.
So when something bad happens and the lie presents itself,
there is something that we subconsciously believe
and partner with in that moment
and that is what becomes that inner vow.
Romans 12, two says this,
do not conform to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you'll be able to test what God's will is,
his good, perfect, pleasing will.
I might've said that a little out of order,
but it's all the same.
So remember, again, the soil in our hearts
is not only important, but it's vital,
just like vital nutrients.
If a mom or baby isn't getting the nutrients that they need,
they will then hook them up to an IV or whatever
and give them the nutrients that they need.
So some examples of inner vows.
Let me go ahead and cover that real quick.
Y'all, there's a couple of things in the book tonight.
I know it can be a lot,
but I just want you to kind of absorb it
the best that you can.
Even though you won't be able to replace
the actual events that happened in your life,
you can replace the lies that you believed,
and most importantly, the vows that you made
as a result of the lies.
When you experience these hurts in your life,
they make us sad.
And when we are sad, that's when anger shows up.
Anger is always the defender.
It always shows up when those wounded
and vulnerable parts of our heart feel threatened.
You wanna think of it as hurts bodyguard.
When anger is around, we feel strong.
And when we start to make inner vows,
like nobody's ever gonna hurt me again.
I don't care about anybody.
I can't trust anybody.
I will never turn out like my mother or father.
I won't be made a fool anymore.
Nobody is gonna tell me what to do.
I can't tell anybody about this.
I will be perfect from now on so nobody can reject me.
We make a decision to harden our hearts
and it makes sense in the moment.
We think if we make these vows
and build these walls around our hearts,
we can keep all of the bad things out.
But guess what?
When we do that, unfortunately,
we're also keeping all the good things from coming in.
And to stop surviving and start thriving,
we have to let the good things in.
And so another vow might be, I'll never date him
or marry a Larry or a guy of a certain ethnicity
or a guy with a certain job type.
I'm never gonna let my guard down ever again.
There's more and more and more of these, you all,
but those are just a few to help you kind of start
to hopefully resonate somewhere in that tonight.
I also wanna talk about always or never statements.
Think about the last week.
Did you have any thoughts that,
or did you say anything out of your mouth
that included the words always or never?
They always do that.
I always get passed over.
Men never come through for me.
Men never pick me.
Men never pick heavier women.
Men never pick skinny, tall, short women,
whatever it is that your opposite is most likely
or what you struggle with is what you're gonna put in that.
I'm never seen, I'm never noticed.
We talked about this this afternoon
and I think this is really important.
Dating is hard, but really underneath the surface
of even that is dating never works for me.
Do you see how these things connect in there?
Super important.
When we say or partner with things like always or never,
those are automatic signals that we have an inner vow
at work within us,
that there's an inner vow that we're partnering with
that we subconsciously didn't even know was in there.
And so I'm gonna turn it over to Annette.
I would love for her to share
what God put on her heart for tonight.
And then we're gonna get ready
for breakout sessions after that.
Thanks, Bethany.
Yeah.
As I was praying tonight about what to share,
a couple of things came to mind.
First of all, the words that we speak
or the others speak over us.
I was in college clearly years ago
and in the dorms one night, we were all bored.
So we took turns doing everybody's makeup
like in really crazy ways and big hair
and all kinds of stuff.
And one of my friends who has a good heart
but she turned around and she said to me,
you, you can really get the ugly going.
And when she said that to me, my heart shattered
and I didn't respond to what she said.
Like everybody kind of laughed
because the conversation was lighthearted.
I carried that statement with me for years
and it would come up just at pretty inconvenient times
actually, when I would be trying to be confident
then it would be like, remember, you can really be ugly
in how you look.
And I remember distinctly when God just spoke over me,
you are my creation.
Those words were not meant for you
and they are not how I see you.
And so then to make the shift mentally
when that would come up, I recognized it
and then I would speak the truth.
Like I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I am a beautiful daughter of the King.
I would say those things over me
so to combat the lies, to say the truth,
to speak the truth, to speak God's truth over me
rather than just passively
let that thought ruminate inside of me.
So that was one thing that came to mind
that God really did transform my heart
and deliver me from believing that.
But the other thing was in the heart work,
what really came up for me was comparing.
I would often compare myself to people
and it worked out great for me.
I thought that I came out on top
but when I didn't come out on top,
the things that I would say to myself
that you're never gonna be able to do this
or you would never be able to do what they do
or that may have worked for them
but it certainly wouldn't have worked for you.
That was huge.
There was so much freedom that came
when I could celebrate others
and what God had done for them
rather than think, well, especially like,
oh, it's never gonna happen for me.
When I was in the heart work
and people started getting engaged and married,
you, at first it was kind of hard to be like,
congratulations, so happy for you
but my heart followed my actions.
It wasn't that I waited until I really felt that way
that I started before then acting on what I know
to be true of God's promises.
And by acting on those,
that is where the change started to happen,
where I came out of alignment
with comparing myself with other people, other women
and I could celebrate them
for the gifts that God had given them
because I'm able to recognize the gifts
that he's given to me.
And so that would be my prayer for all of you as well,
that you let go of comparing
and walk in the freedom of who God created you to be
because he's given you all gifts and talents
and abilities that are unique to you.
Nobody else, and he needs you to utilize those
and walk in them to fulfill the purposes
and plans that he has for you.
Thank you, Bethany.
That was so good.
Thank you so much for those reminders
and just sharing y'all.
This is where, when she shared what that person said to her
and what she said, if you didn't notice,
she said, they all kind of started chuckling.
Sometimes people are saying things kind of joking.
I'm just being sarcastic.
Y'all, no, guess what?
Sarcasm is often anger underlying
and it comes out through sarcastic comments.
So if a friend says something to you that is harmful,
I want you to really start praying about kindly,
not reacting, but as your heart heals
that you would tell them like,
hey, when you said this, I felt this way.
Remember, it's us owning it.
They're not making us.
I catch myself all the time.
This person may, oh, no, they didn't make me.
I felt this.
Owning my feelings.
So we own our feelings, but.
hey, it's okay for us to let a friend or someone know what they said or did hurt us,
and let's just see what God wants to do with that, right? All right, so your breakout question is
this. What inner vows do you need to come out of alignment with today, tonight? If you don't know
what the inner vow is, remember you can share about an always or never statement, maybe something
that you tend to say or think in that category, and then you can start to ask God to reveal to
you the inner vow from there. All right, I'm going to open these rooms for you, and then
you'll go from there. Here you go. You guys have seven minutes.
Short, brief, and powerful. Remember, click to join as quick as you can.
All right, just watching to see if our ladies all get situated here.
Okay, Kalandra, thank you for letting me know that I can move some of our other ladies around.
Sorry, you all have several people sitting by themselves tonight.
Father, thank you so much for helping us get people situated,
Lord, that they would have great conversations. We thank you, Lord, for revealings, for healing that
are even happening already tonight. God, we thank you that you see us. You know us better than we
even know ourselves. God, you know how to bring the things to the surface that need to be brought
to the surface. We thank you, Lord, for illuminating every area of our hearts and our
minds, our bodies, our spirits, and our souls. God, that you are bringing those things out of
darkness into the light. Yes, Lord, I thank you, God, for, yeah, I just heard the scripture,
it just talks about not despising the day of small beginnings, and I'm not trying to take it
out of context, but the reality is, is even in our heart work, you know, the Lord doesn't want
us to despise the small breakthroughs, the small wins that we're experiencing, because all of those
will start to add up and they'll start to create momentum as we go. And so just want to encourage
you this week to pause and celebrate your growth. Even if you've only been here for a few days in
the heart work, celebrating your growth and how far you've come is going to be a really powerful
aspect for so many of you, especially if in your life you were not celebrated a lot.
Maybe your parents didn't, that wasn't just one of their strengths, and God wants you to learn
how to do that in your own life so that you can do that then in your love story and marriage together.
And so often that's going to help us overcome the negativity. Yes, like hard things happen all
the time, you all, but when it's not ignoring those things, but when we focus on the things
that are true and noble and lovely and of good report, the things that are above only and not
beneath y'all, it shifts everything. So what are we going to partner with this week? Are we going
to partner with, it's never, it's never going to work for me. I never have success in this area.
You know, even the enemies keeps trying to, I've been trying to work on getting my health under
again, and I can't tell you how many times the enemy is like, yep, see, it's not working. What
you're doing is not working. And I've been like, yep, it's not working and partnering with him.
And I have to really get that under control and really ask the Lord to help me in every aspect
of that. And so we just want to partner with you, Lord, in everything that we're doing,
that you would continue to just bring. Yes, Lord, that you would show the ladies the fruit
in their lives that is not benefiting them Lord, where they have been going down pathways and,
and harmful directions that just got are not a part of your plan and purpose for them.
And I thank you that you would take their feet off of those pathways of pain and put their feet
on the pathways that lead back to you. Isaiah 40 verse 31 says, but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not be faint. Proverbs 23, 23 in the passions, passion translation says this
embrace the truth and hold it close. Don't let go of wisdom instruction and life giving understanding.
Sometimes, uh, every Wednesday we do this prayer walk and, uh, I have this, I'm going to show it
to you all. I have this orange Bible that I carry. It was a gift given to me and one of my leadership
in one of the churches I served with. And I love this. I love all my Bibles, but
I love that I can hold this.
It feels small enough and close.
Anyways, the point of what I'm trying to say
is that when I'm praying and walking,
I've noticed myself, a lot of times I would just walk
and I would hold it down or I would be,
excuse me, looking at scriptures, you know,
to try to declare, but several times recently,
there's just, I've just felt this,
like, and I'll walk and I'll just hold it close to me.
And I just start to feel power in my heart from it.
And so I want some of y'all to even consider
and understand that the word of God is living, it's alive.
It's powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword.
It cuts through the bone and marrow of things.
And so often we underestimate the power of the word.
And so God wants you to be reminded tonight,
I didn't have a plan of saying this,
it just literally came up in me
as I read that last scripture,
that sometimes, man, just sitting,
just sitting and loving the word that God has given us.
He has so much truth packed in here for us
that we would cherish it, that we would hold it close.
The Bible says that we should, you know,
write the word of God on the tablets of our hearts,
that we should meditate on them day and night.
Oftentimes the enemy takes us into isolation.
He tries to take us out at our weakest points.
So for some of you,
maybe that's been the season you've been in
where you felt really weak and just like the enemy
is just one thing after another.
And I just want to remind you tonight
that God says in his word
that there's good things coming for you.
And God has a plan and a purpose to prosper you,
to give you a hope and a future, not to harm you.
And Genesis 50 verse 20, it says, you know,
this is Joseph's story.
God, you know, it was to save him,
but also many people alive.
Like God didn't just save Joseph
when he brought him up out of the prison
and redeemed his life and restored everything
and brought restitution.
He also saved Joseph's whole family.
I taught an advanced heart work last week,
and it was all about the gift of forgiveness,
giving the gift of forgiveness this season.
And Jackie launched that last Sunday night.
If you didn't listen to that Sunday night,
Supernatural Sunday night, excuse me,
definitely check that out.
But I'm reminded of that again tonight,
that there are so many people,
like it might not seem like they deserve forgiveness,
but it's not up to us to decide that.
It's up to us to obey and choose to forgive.
And as we choose to forgive,
so many things are going to be ushered in for us
that we can receive all that God has for us.
So many times the unforgiveness that we're walking in,
it's blocking the blessings from coming into our lives.
Some of you, you're needing breakthrough and healing,
and part of the problem, part of the obstruction
is the unforgiveness.
It's the bitterness.
It's the resentment that we partner with.
So super important for us to be in forgiving mode,
always, always, always keeping short accounts
before the Lord.
Welcome back, everybody.
The rooms are gonna close officially here
in like two seconds.
Here's everyone coming back.
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
Really quickly, your activations for this week.
I have two for you.
Number one, I just want you to track your thoughts, okay?
I want you to pay attention to the things
that you're thinking about.
Are you thinking negative thoughts?
If so, what are they?
What do they sound like?
Where are they leading you?
What thoughts have you been catching and stopping quicker?
I want you guys to celebrate.
Some of you all, you're growing so much
and you're just being really hard on yourself.
So I want you to see where you've grown
and where you've started catching thoughts
where maybe even a few weeks ago,
you'd be running all the way down the road
with those thoughts, but now you're catching them quicker
and you're casting those things down
and you're actually starting to believe the truth
quicker too.
Celebrate that.
Create a post in the group about it.
Let us know, what are you noticing?
Number two is our roots versus fruits drawing.
Yes, you all, I'm gonna have you draw again.
It's gonna be a lot of fun.
And I think that you can really embrace this
and get a lot out of it.
But I'm gonna show you an example, several examples.
Oh, do I not still have that up?
Hold on one second, y'all.
I thought I still had something up from this afternoon.
I wonder if I accidentally closed it.
Bear with me for one sec.
Oh, now I'm stuck.
Hold on, I gotta share and then stop.
So sorry, y'all.
I don't normally have technical difficulties like this.
Let me just pull this up real quick.
Here we go.
All right.
Now I've got it.
I can share that.
Alright, so this is one example again super important do not compare yourself to other people and what they've done this is just to give you ideas.
To get you started Okay, so this one she posted it in process, so I just want you all to understand she doesn't have any fruit on her tree right now.
But she has all the different routes kind of starting to identify what those are here's the next one i'm going to go through this pretty quickly.
And on her route, you can see it's a little hard to see it, but let's see if I get closer here, you guys can probably see it a little better now.
And you can see some things that she listed there and then underneath of those she listed the lies so basically.
The the roots are showing some of the unhealthy behaviors and things that the unhealthy actions that she was walking in and then she was identifying the lies that were connecting to those underneath okay.
here's another one, this lady was is a teacher so for all my teachers you're going to love this you don't have to do it like this, but I just love to show it and.
Also, because she wrote right at the top, I am worthy and then she said, I will find my husband, I deserve God's best so she's partnering with the truth.
In hers also you'll see some overarching here perfectionism childhood abandonment childhood rejection and that led up into the adult perfectionism adult abandonment and then all the different lies and things that she was experiencing as a result of those all right next one sorry y'all that's probably really close all right my screen.
Here we go that's a little better alright, so this one great, these are all awesome you're going to see the roots going right up into the fruit, the ones that have the leaves and a little bit of pink on them, those are her healthy roots that led up to healthy fruit the other ones without it, that was the way she depicted that this one's done on a computer, this is awesome to y'all, the point is doing it.
The point is praying and really seeking the Lord about what are your unhealthy roots, what are the lies that are connected to them and then what are the fruits displayed in your life here's another one.
here's another one now I love to show this one she's an artist so don't get intimidated okay but i'd love to show this because of the way.
She depicted the unhealthy roots and fruit in the black kind of the darker area and then she displayed her healthy roots and fruit, which you see in the yellow and the gold or the orange colors and stuff there.
And then she brought in the Holy Spirit you all and I love that again you don't have to do yours like that at all, but I just wanted to.
To show you some other people in their process and your process whatever it's going to look like will be amazing and then we want you to post it in the group.
Okay, we want you to come in and post it in the group alright, so I see yosh and Bambi already have their hands up that's awesome.
And if you are willing to share the intervals that you're going to come out of alignment with tonight would love for you to go ahead and put your hand up as well we'll get through as many people as we can in the next.
37 minutes y'all all right yosh go ahead would love to hear what you have to say.
I have it's any so I think this was really important when you said that what are the inner vows because i've been experiencing a very recent one.
So i've been getting really anxious and panicky this year, in fact, I was very sick during the first half of the year as well.
So I remember my parents i'm the only child in the family, just to give a little bit of background my parents always kind of compared me when I was a kid when it comes to education certain other things.
I knew that their intentions were good just to push me forward, but then again it's like it got me always striving always running for this race kind of never ending race right.
And as an adult I start comparing myself to a lot of things, and even if someone says something negative I start comparing and you know go on a whole spiral.
And so, in 2024 my mom got sick, so I work in Hong Kong and my parents live in Sri Lanka, so.
I if something happens, I kind of need to come back take a plane and fly back to Sri Lanka, so my mom has already gone through stenting procedure and a bypass heart open heart surgery by then, and so she, this was the first kind of heart procedure.
That she has to go through when I was away from the home country, so when I heard the news, I remember very well that I froze and I remember when I heard that that she said that she the doctor said that she has had a silent attack heart attack and she has to go through this stenting procedure for a different.
area of her heart. I remember in Hong Kong I froze and for about good 20 minutes I couldn't
read and I had blurry vision. I believe that was the start of this anxiety and then I flew
back to Sri Lanka and God was so gracious. He carried my mother and all of us through
that procedure and she's quite well now with the grace of God, praise God. So I think after
that incident, I get anxious, the smallest thing. I think it's just that me wanting to
control everything. I think that is an inner lie. And the other one I was believing is
if something happens, I'm alone. How am I going to handle it? Because my parents always
say, sometimes they say, you need to get married. You're alone. You know that you're the only
child. You need to get married. Why are you not being active? I mean, it's not that I'm
not active. It's just, yes, I have gone through a very toxic relationship for years. And then,
you know, I started healing and started hard work and all of that. So I think it's just
that I need to come out. I believe I need to come out partnership with, okay, how am
I going to do everything alone? I mean, truth is, yes.
You do. And here's the thing, interestingly enough, the first thing that comes to mind
and I wouldn't always coach everybody in the same way. So ladies understand that what
I'm going to say to her may or may not apply to you. Okay. So just, you would need to pray
about that. But what I feel led to say to you, Yash, first is that I heard this sermon
a while back and the pastor was talking about when he went to a counseling session and the
counselor said to him about this fear and anxiety he was having, what if the worst thing
you could imagine came true? And he basically walked him through facing that. And then in
facing that, it actually empowered him to know that no matter what, God was going to
be with him and would help him know how to navigate it. And so when you said, I need
to face this in your own way, you kind of said that I really want you to, I don't believe
you're going to end up alone. Okay. I don't, but here's the thing. I think you allowing
yourself to face what would really happen if I, if my mom or my dad wasn't here and
I was technically alone, what would, what Lord, what would happen? Could I survive?
How would I navigate life? And just where you really understand that God is going to
enable you no matter what. Now, I don't necessarily think by any means that that's, you know,
God, just going to start like, number one, God doesn't take people right from the enemy,
but just that we also keep that kind of stuff in line so many times that we are looking at things
and the control really comes from fear, you know? And so most people would want,
if they have a good relationship with their parents, especially are going to want to be
there with their parents when something like that is happening. So I don't know that I would think
that was you trying to control everything. I think that is fear functioning and fueling
your anxiety is what I think. And so the not being able to breathe and blurred vision,
definitely a panic attack, anxiety, you know? And so I would encourage you to ask the Lord,
what were the lies I was hearing when I froze? Because you froze before the other physical
things started happening. And if it is just the, and not that that's not enough, but if it is just
the, I'm going to be alone and what will I do? And this pressure that's put on you to find someone,
because if you're alone, you know, what's, what's the, like, what's being implied there
that you won't be able to make it? You know what I'm saying? And so, again, it's not,
I'm not encouraging you to do that so that you partner with that. I'm going to be alone,
but I think that you need to really allow yourself to come out from underneath of what's been applied
and implied as they've been putting that pressure. They're putting that pressure on you because they
love you. They don't want you to be alone, but the reality is, is that you're never alone.
Yeah. And I know, and I don't want that to sound cliche, like a lot of churches are like,
oh, you should just be fine because you have the Lord. I'm not trying to say that,
but what I am saying is that there is a high level of importance of us understanding that God is with us.
And that we are, we are important.
And as we heal and become that whole person, remember, we're partnering with hopefully
another healed whole person.
And then we can be a team running together.
But I want to encourage you to go ahead and process that this week and just see what comes
up.
And and maybe even I'm hoping that it will empower you a little bit to feel freedom from
the yoke that the enemy is trying to put on you through those implied statements that
you aren't going to be able to make it if you're on your own.
I mean, I think that's probably a big one.
Yeah, just to add one more thing very quickly, because yesterday I went and did my routine
checkup.
And the doctor said the cholesterol was high.
So my both my parents have high cholesterol.
So my mom going on through heart procedures.
So then he goes on, said, you know, down the line, about five, 10 years, you have to consider
taking the tablets.
And I said, I in my heart, I'm saying I'm coming out of agreement with that.
I mean, I am going to take care of myself and then do my best to maintain it below borderline.
So yeah, so it makes sense, makes sense.
I mean, when I saw the reports, I immediately got anxious and then I wanted to go to the
bathroom.
Like, you know, I was having upset stomach and things like that.
So it's something for me to pray about.
It is.
And ladies, you know, this is important.
What she just said, we walk in wisdom.
Okay.
But we can also pray that we do not walk in the same things that our parents have walked
in.
Now, y'all, that is a fine line sometimes navigating that.
But I also think it's important for us to allow ourselves that, you know, that place
and that grace to step into partnering with, you know, we're believing for healing, but
we're walking in wisdom.
And how does that kind of balance each other out in the process?
All right.
Super important.
I love that.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Josh, I was praying for you.
Bambi, go ahead.
Can you hear me?
Yeah.
Just maybe talk just a little bit louder.
Just a tiny bit.
Okay.
Is that better?
Yeah.
I'm just recovering from a cold.
I sounded great last week, but what I am, um, yeah, last week I was greatly sounded,
but this week you sound just fine to me.
Yeah.
Okay.
So thanks for your patience.
Um, I'm coming out of agreement of that.
I'm not worth taking care of, especially because of my chronic illnesses that flare up under
stress of taking care of my mom and, um, I deal the layer of her.
It's interesting cause she won't allow me to help her take care of her yet.
I have to be there to take care of her and, um, my, the rest of my siblings that are older
than me that are on the mainland, they just don't really participate other than a call
or a text sometimes, um, and sometimes a stipend for a few, a couple hundred dollars
a month or something like that.
But I take care of everything and, um, and what really sent triggered me was last, was
it two weeks ago?
Yeah.
It was two Mondays ago and my, I called her sister, um, that what's interesting is my
mom's always been very close to her siblings and my dad was very close to his siblings.
But what's interesting is that it hasn't been that way with her own children.
So, um, my aunt who doesn't reach out, never has been present in my life, proceeds to lecture
me on how to leave a voicemail properly, all this stuff and saying that, um, what she thought
that I, everything should be divided equally when it comes to the trust and the will.
Cause I said, yeah, you're the executor and we're just trying to get this amended because
this was years ago.
Now her children are adults like me and you know, so do you have the master copy?
Well, um, because I'm just trying to find the paper trail and she said, well, I'm going
to take a trip to see my friend in Canada, but, um, I'll let you know at the end of January
or something like that.
And I said, okay.
And I thought to myself, wow, your sister has dementia and you're not even, you have
not visited her ever.
And you guys were close and it just, it just baffled me.
But I also understand why and from my aunt's perspective.
is that my mom is extremely spiritual, very, you know, people would say religious, although
I know she's not, it's just a relationship with God, but just Jesus is almost every other
word in her conversations. And my aunt Nora is agnostic, so they have a very, my mom,
my aunt doesn't want to really talk to her at all, because it's hard for her, for my
And so my aunt started just saying things and I just started, I just let my aunt have it. I said,
I think you're the most narcissistic, entitled. I mean, you're 30 something years older than me,
and it should come from the top down. And you've never taken interest in your nieces and nephews.
And now you're proceeding to tell me how I need to take care of my, it was just, and she's like,
well, you're my niece, you should reach out to me. And I'm like, are you? Yeah, but you're the
example. And I, anyway, it was just, it, she was just really mean. And she was like this dragon
lady. And she said, you know, I don't think you should get any compensation for anything. So you
had to give up your life for three years. And she started calling me dramatic. Stop being so
dramatic. I'm like, no, but you see, I came back because I was expendable to take care of my mom.
And I let my siblings be free to do whatever they want, whether it was to pursue their careers,
continue to raise their adult children, whatever. And my aunt's just like, okay, whatever. But she
didn't give up your entire life. And so anyway, she's like, it just needs to be even, and you
need to get a job. And I'm like, this is my job. And I thought she would be more understanding
because she care gave for her mom, my grandmother, but she was married. And I said, you had someone
to help you. It wasn't just you. And I, and then, you know, then you took care of your husband,
but that's different. And it's hard. I'm going to jump in Bambi. I'm going to jump in. I'm not
trying to interrupt you, but I want to kind of get to the root regarding you. Okay. All right. So
and that's all helping me. Okay. It helps me understand. And I remember you talking about
your aunt and these things that they've said and kind of how your family, the choices that they've
made and how it's caused you to feel, which is exactly what I was just talking about is us really
like looking at, okay, people are making choices, but we have to own our feelings. Okay. So in that,
when you say that tonight you're coming out of alignment with you're not worth being taken care
of, what, tell me what led you to talk about your aunt regarding that? Not necessarily like
the whole thing, but just short, brief and powerful. How does that connect to your aunt?
Because that had to do with the trust in the will that if my mom died tomorrow,
I'd be maybe on the street. I mean, four of us in Hawaii, that's not a lot. Okay. So
right. Okay. So was there a time before this happened with your aunt?
Not, I know about the siblings also kind of siding, but way back when you were younger,
was there a time that you believed or felt like you weren't worth being taken care of?
Yes. Okay. Tell me about that time. Okay. Um, cause she was in my life sporadically. So
when I was your aunt, my aunt, okay. And my mom actually for a long time after my dad died when
I was 17. So, um, at first my aunt was there and her husband and my grandma. And then, uh,
uh, I was like 17, 18, something like that. And, uh, I was planning to go to college and I went
to go visit for a weekend in San Diego from orange County drove down there. And I was just treated
like a guest, not really like a niece. And, um, I just remember not knowing where to go, what to do
because my mom suddenly cut me off. Um, and that's because I don't blame her. I was 18. I was
dealing with grief and I really wasn't ready for college. And so I just wouldn't go to class.
So yeah, I know. So I went back to college later, but I dropped out early at first cause I wasn't
ready. Um, but I know where to go. And so I remember just knocking on her door and her,
my uncle answering her late husband. And he said, yes, can I help you? And I said,
I don't know what to do or to go. I've got my Hawaiian jury that I inherited from my dad died.
I can pawn it. I can do something. And he's just like, we can't help you. You're on your own.
I was like 18. And I had no doubt.
Then you're saying, am I out because she knew what was going on?
Yeah. Um, so when you were talking about this first, let me just say,
I'm sorry that you went through that. I think number one, two,
I'm sorry to hear that your dad passed away when you were 17.
That must've been really hard. Yeah.
And to struggle after that and to,
it's like I became a surrender. Oh, send, you know, Cinderella,
how she was kind of like her dad's favorite. That's how it was.
So when he died,
some of this where I'm taking you is this,
when you were talking about the situation with your aunt,
you said I was treated like a guest and not a niece.
And I can understand that. Okay. That statement.
And that might have been very true.
But what God said to me in my spirit was expectations.
And I think part of the struggle for you is the expectations you have of other
people.
And I understand why you have them,
because I'm sure that would be really,
really hard to go through the things that you're going through.
But I want you to be asking the Lord in the next week to
help you discern between your,
like God's expectations on people and
potentially unrealistic expectations.
You're putting on people because one of the things that I feel like is
happening. And again, when I say this,
know that I'm saying it out of love for you.
And I want to see you move out of this place that you've been in because it is
hard. You're going through some really tough stuff,
but what I want to look out for is your heart in the process.
And I feel like what's happening is the enemy is baiting you with judgment.
Like he's baiting you. And he wants you to judge these people.
He wants you to be like angry with them and harsh towards
them. And you're, and you're basically judgment of their
lack of whatever it is that they're doing. Okay. And, and again,
I understand why I'm having been in the
flip side role. I sometimes tell this story.
So when I was in college,
I left college and for about a year and a half helped take care of my
mom. When she had her aneurysm, I was at the nursing home taking care of her.
I was doing all the things,
but then there came a day and a time where I felt like God was like,
it's time for you to move.
I knew that I was not going to survive there if I stayed.
And, um,
and so I left and my other siblings were
there to take care of my mom. Now I would go back and visit,
you know, and things like that.
It wasn't like I just didn't give it like a rip and I never cared or I didn't
never take care of her. But I will tell you that my,
my brother, my one brother,
especially judges me all the time and has judged me for
years because I chose to move away.
Okay. We all make choices. Guess what?
He chose to stay. Nobody asked him to,
we could have hired caregivers for my mom. So I'm not,
they told me that they were going to pay me as a caregiver and everything.
They tricked me.
I understand. I'm not trying to trigger you.
And they were angry and harsh with me. They were swearing at me.
Yeah. None of that is no idea what I've been through. Yeah.
And I'm not saying, I'm not saying any of that is okay.
But what I'm saying is it's my role to care for your heart in the
process.
And so I'm just trying to help you get to the place where you
can release these people in your heart.
Yeah. But in order to release them in my heart,
I have to know what I'm going to do with my life. And I gave up my life.
I was set and I gave everything up, came back here and that's fine.
But it's just, um,
I was lied to betrayed by Satan through my siblings and my aunt swearing
harsh, everything. And every caregiving experience is different. I'm sorry,
but yours was different. Everyone has a different story.
It is 100%. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
So I'm trying to help you to also see though,
and I know it's uncomfortable and I'm not trying to upset you. Okay.
I'm really not. That was fine. We all choose though.
I know that you're saying they tricked you. Okay.
But just like my spiritual daughter's dad,
there were things he absolutely did do that tricked me. He deceived me.
He was not an honest man and he was having side relationships and all kinds of
things.
But there were things that God was showing me about him that I lied to him.
blew past those flags and I chose, I chose to date him.
And that's where ladies, it is hard.
I know this is a tension.
So I hope that, you know, I'm genuinely here.
I'm trying to help everybody see
that these tension things, they are hard.
They are hard when we are in these places
where someone has mistreated us.
It's not fair and it is painful.
And I am not minimizing anything that you are going through.
But what I am saying is that when you give yourself
permission to say, you know what, I did choose.
Even if they tricked you, you chose.
That takes ownership back, that empowers you.
And then that can help you start
to make a path forward for yourself.
And then really just releasing them of the expectations
so that you can heal and forgive them.
So expectation of not having a family, basically,
because that's, that's what they-
Maybe God wants to give you a new family.
Maybe he wants to bring healthy people around you.
And I know that's not easy, but God says
that he will place the solitary in family in Psalm 68, 6.
He says that.
And you know what?
Sometimes our biological families are not healthy for us.
And so God wants to give us something
that will be safe and healthy so we can flourish
and grow and thrive, you know?
And so I do believe that God wants to give you
some new things in the future.
And I think that he wants to show you how it really can be.
Because that isn't, I don't believe for a second
that that is what God intended for you,
for your siblings and family to mistreat you.
But I want you to just, you know,
in your own ability to see what should I own
in that process?
I'm not saying all of it, but what part is your part?
Because we all play a part in every story, okay?
There's a lot of people in every story.
So we have to know what was our part that we have to own.
And then where can I move forward, Lord, in this?
Like, how do I need to shift so that I can start
to move forward and find freedom?
And part of that is forgiving people
and releasing them of the expectations,
releasing them of judgment.
But also, dare I say that you start making
some plans for yourself?
And I don't know what that looks like,
but I'm just gonna plant that seed
and I'll let you pray about that
and see where the Lord might lead you in that
in the next few weeks here.
I think there's good things in store for you.
And man, if God could open prison gates,
because he did,
I believe he can open the prison gates
that you feel bound by as well, so to speak.
Okay?
I'm glad you said that.
Yeah, that's how it feels.
Yeah, I'm sure.
I'm sure that feels like that.
I genuinely, even though my situation has been different,
I do want you to know that I, like I said,
I was there caring for her every day.
And I did, I gave up school.
And you wanna know, I was bitter at my family
for giving up, I left college,
I gave up part of my young life.
I was angry.
So there were things that I felt
that I was resonating with you on,
and that's really what I was trying to get at.
But I had to forgive them for that,
because I still chose.
I still chose to leave college.
Praying for you, believing for good things for you.
I appreciate you letting me kind of
wrestle with you in that.
I hope that your heart is still okay.
Are you good?
Okay, I just wanna make sure.
Yes, thank you, Bethany.
You're welcome.
I love you guys.
I really always just want the best.
And I know that sometimes we can get offended too,
cause it can be tough.
So I just wanna make a check in with you before I move on.
All right.
Kelly, let's hear what you have to say.
I'm really struggling with rejection and control and anger.
My husband passed away May 12th of 22.
He was a volunteer firefighter
and he was in the line of duty.
And a green bin came on top of him
and it took about four hours before they found him.
And I really feel like I'm in a really small community.
There's only about 200 people that live in the community.
And I just, he was the first person that really,
I had a really tough childhood
and I didn't come to the Lord until I was 18.
And he was the first person.
and that showed me unconditional love. And I just really believe that God brought us together. And
he just loved me through some really difficult times. And I just feel really rejected by
the community and just the people that I thought were going to be here for, you know, our, you know,
um, close friends, they've kind of disappeared. And I'm just people that I thought
were gonna be here for me aren't and it's just tough. And, and I had to
probably a year and a half ago, I had to sever ties with my
um, parents because they had been so abusive. I had to take a, like, for my own, you know,
Ryan wasn't there to protect me anymore. And I had to just say, you know, I, I can't do this
at this time. So, but so I'm really rejection is really tough. And, and I really thought that
had put another man in my life and that ended up being a huge rejection too. So it's just like
rejection, rejection, rejection. Well, first I just want to say, even though your husband is
not here, I'm so grateful for his service and the way that he, yeah, I have family, uh, friends,
dear friends that I consider family. Her son is a firefighter and I, in some small way,
understand the risk that they take every day and then how that impacts their families. And so I
just want to say, I'm so sorry for your loss and, um, you know, just how you're feeling in the
aftermath, kind of like what I was talking about earlier, those additional ripple effects of the
earthquake, so to speak the big event. And so my question for you, um, and not that, I mean,
like you need to do it right now, but do you have little kids that there would be a reason that you
couldn't move? No, they're, they're adults. Okay. Have you ever considered moving and starting
fresh somewhere? I have, but it's like, I've asked God, like, where do you want me?
Where do you want me to go? And I haven't gotten like any. Yeah. So what about Supernatural
Saturday? Did you hear it yet? If not, okay. Do you know how Jackie said we have choices?
So what if you just made a choice? What if you dreamed a little bit and you just decided like,
I've always thought about living in this place and I might go give it a try, you know,
and maybe it's not taking all your things with you right now. Maybe it's putting things in storage
and just going and on, or, you know, even before you get there, going on trips to a couple places.
This is one of the things that actually just came to my mind that Jackie has even said before,
before we even decide to move somewhere, sometimes we're waiting for God to tell us
exactly where to go, but maybe it's more about you going on some adventures that you've wanted
to go on and you go and test out an area, so to speak, you know, you go and decide,
do I even like it here? Is this somewhere I could see myself living? And, and maybe there's some
sisters in the community that you could stay with to keep your costs low. I mean, there's just,
there are options that I think sometimes we feel stuck because we are, we want, and it's not a bad
thing. We want God to tell us exactly where to go, when to go there, how much money we should
take with us on the journey, like all the things. And sometimes it's like Abraham, he's like,
you go on and go, and then I'll tell you as you go where you're going to go. But I do think,
I just get the sense that God wants you to have some options. I think he wants you to,
to feel the freedom of choosing and to know that you can make good choices and that God is teaching
you how to, like even setting those boundaries with your parents. I'm sure that was really hard,
but it sounds like that was what was healthy for you in this season. And so what is, what are,
what are some places you've always wanted to go visit? Or you've gone on a trip there and you were
wow, this place is amazing. Does anything come to mind for you?
You know, I tried Arizona last year and that, that door closed this year. It seemed like,
it seems like, you know, God's closed quite a few doors and it's like,
I, but maybe there's new ones he's wanting to open.
So, okay.
So Arizona, wasn't a good, that wasn't a good experience.
I remember you talked about that with a friend, so it could have even been years ago on a
trip that maybe, what was your husband's name?
Ryan.
Yeah.
It was a trip that you went on with him and you guys loved it.
You know, I don't know.
I'm just, I want you to think about something that you had a good experience with or somewhere
that you've not been, but you want to go try it.
I love water.
So it would be someplace where there'd be water.
Okay.
So this week I want you to start looking into some places and just letting yourself dream
a little bit.
It doesn't mean you have to hurry and go somewhere, but like, okay, so you love water.
What States have a lot of water and are warm?
Well I know one, Florida.
It's really warm down here right now when it's really cold other places.
So it's really great.
Minnesota is really cold right now.
Yeah.
I don't want to go there.
That's where I am.
Again, like, and I'm not trying to make light of the heaviness and the things that you're
going through, but genuinely ladies, sometimes it is simple things, but because we're, you
know, kind of like I said earlier with the room, I was getting stuck in overwhelm and
that was kind of paralyzing me a little bit.
And then it creates the anxiety and then the other things.
But if we just say, okay, what's one thing I can do?
One thing you can do is to look up places that maybe you just want to go on a little
trip, you know, before long before you plan to move, going on a trip, okay.
The Arizona thing didn't work, but okay.
Let's focus somewhere else where someone new or someone, you know, maybe I can tell you,
we have several people in our community that live in Florida.
So we have a lot of people down this way.
So planting that seed, not that you have to come to Florida by any means, but I'm just
saying like we do have people all throughout, you know, the lower region of the U S that
is warm.
And so that's my honest coaching for you tonight is to consider.
And again, I don't know if God's going to have you move, but you're saying you're in
a really small community and you're feeling rejected there.
You have a lot of hard memories there.
So maybe it's a time and a season for a new leaf to be turned over here.
And just to pray into that again, I'm not telling you should do it.
I'm just saying, pray into it, start dreaming a little bit about it.
And yeah, Chrissy's in Florida here too.
Pray about it and let yourself just start to think on some good things because it sounds
like you have a lot of things draining you right now.
And so let's see what we can start to have fill you up to kind of offset that a little
bit.
Okay.
Thanks so much.
You're welcome.
And, and ladies, sometimes I, I just feel led to not push too much on the wounds because
I can tell she's got, she's really raw.
Okay.
And so she needs some time to recalibrate as she's already processing a lot of loss
and a lot of things.
And so her focusing, just like I started out tonight, when you all focus on the wins, it
can help you so much.
So in this regard, she needs to focus on some good things this week.
And that will help her start to feel like there is a way out.
There is a way out.
All right.
Thank you for sharing that, Kelly, Anita, go ahead.
Thank you.
I think right now I'm struggling with different versions of feeling unchosen, unseen, or just
passed up altogether.
I initially thought it was just in dating, which I was doing before the heartwork.
I found it around November and then I stopped dating after that.
And I was just being set up by friends because I didn't want to do online.
I don't have a social media presence either, which I initially thought it was because I
was beyond, I guess, the entire world, but it's really not.
I think it's rooted in shame or just different comparisons that I don't want to deal with.
And then I'm finding even with activations, I'm like, I don't want to post it.
What if no one comments?
What if no one sees it?
And it's just struggling with that still, I think.
So let me ask you a question.
On the past up altogether.
When is the first time, and if you don't know tonight, it's okay, but when is the first
time you remember feeling that way?
I've thought about it during the heart work.
I think being a little girl, I was in a big, or I'm from a big family, so we struggled
a lot, and it was always just really hard.
Tell me what that's like.
What do you mean by that?
Just, you know, struggling to be seen, to feel important to my parents.
Tell me about your parents.
Did they work a lot?
They both worked outside the home, and then when they were home, did they struggle with
being emotionally present with you all?
Oh yeah.
So we'll say emotionally unavailable.
Okay.
Was there any kind of abuse or mistreatment as well?
Both?
From both parents as well?
No.
From siblings.
Okay.
So were you protected when, well, let me ask you this.
Did you tell your parents that that happened?
Okay.
And thank you for letting me ask you these questions.
If you ever feel like you're not ready to go to the next question, it's okay to say
that.
Just want you to know you have full permission.
When you told your parents, how was that handled?
I think I got in trouble.
So you got in trouble?
What did they say that made you think you were in trouble or say or do?
I think my dad, I don't remember verbatim what he said, but just like I'm going to ruin
the whole family and they're not going to, that I should stop being in certain rooms
and stop being around him.
And yeah, just blaming me.
That's pretty big.
I'm so sorry.
That wasn't your responsibility.
That was your parents' responsibility to keep you safe.
Yeah.
So because there was the comment about, you know, stop being in certain rooms, stop being
around him.
Well, what do you do when the whole family's together and he's there then?
You're going to fade into the background.
That's what's going to happen.
And so because of those statements, I believe that that's kind of probably what you started
partnering with because you didn't know what else to do.
And so feeling passed up altogether, I mean, you were passed up even in that situation
right there.
You know, your dad, you're in no judgment.
I want you to know I genuinely am not judging your dad or your mom.
I also like my mom did not.
My mom did not handle it well when I told it actually was really bad.
And it's unfortunately very common.
Parents don't know what to do.
It doesn't excuse it because they can seek help for it as well.
But I just want you to know I'm not judging them.
But instead of them taking care of you, they passed you over and it sounds like protected
him.
So is that how you felt in the situation?
Yeah, I think because he's the oldest, he's a he's a male, you know, and it kept going
on for years after that.
And so I just let it happen to OK.
And then he was still happening, you know, OK.
Yeah.
And when he got good, sorry, oh, no, I was going to say when he got I remember wanting
to run away in high school because he got married and had kids and I it was so twisted
in my head, you know, I was like, why wasn't I married to him, you know, and my parents
were like, see, you're always a problem.
You know, he moved on and he's happy and you're not.
You're depressed all the time and you're the weird one.
OK, yeah, none of that is true, Anita.
OK, none of that is true.
and that is just vile stuff from the pit of hell that the enemy was speaking through your parents
and i'm just declaring that over you tonight and i hope that you will start to hear the truth of
heaven over you more and more in the days to come um you know here's the reality that was a very
confusing situation for a young lady it doesn't matter you know how old you were um it sounds
like he was at some point at the age of accountability so he totally knew what he was
doing right yeah um okay so tell me about how are you navigating this now like are you still
are your parents still alive yeah okay yeah and do you still have big family get-togethers and
gatherings they do i actually um i've actually always been the one that leaves the house so i
i'm the only so being super impoverished 11 kids um i got i knew i had to get a full ride to go to
college so i did and i i left with trash bags and just never went back um and they're they're in
texas and i'm in virginia i'm the only one here you know what that took a lot of courage for you
to do all that and it sounds to me even though i'm sure it feels very hard um to have it like
having to have gone through everything that you did you are you are going to be a kinsman redeemer
in your family i have no doubt about it and that doesn't mean that they're going to automatically
stop being how they are but god is using you to change a generational family thing here and i
that he is led you out of there and he's separated you so that you can get healthy and you can get
strong and that you can start to build a healthy family around yourself and so it doesn't mean that
you won't ever go to back to visit or any of those things i'm just saying like i think it's a good
thing that you're kind of separate right now so that you can heal and and see what god wants to
do here so my my thing for you this week have you what week are you on in the heart work
i'm starting four okay perfect timing y'all that don't know week four is forgiveness
it's forgiveness week and obviously we do forgiveness all throughout the heart work
but even if you've already forgiven your brother and your parents both of your parents for this
before i want to encourage you to write fresh sheets for them okay and as you do i want you to
do a separate sheet for all three of them so mom will have her own sheet dad will have his own
sheet brother will have his own sheet each person um probably on some level has different aspects
so even your mom probably said different things than your dad or you know things that were harmful
and you want to write those things out okay so it might feel a little painful while you're doing it
but just know you're not gonna you don't have to stay there you're moving through um and so you're
forgiving like even how you said like how they said you were weird or whatever they said that
was harmful and mean instead of being supportive and protective um i want you to step into forgiving
them for that and then let's see where god leads you from there as you start to move forward through
this because the the truth is is you actually aren't passed over but we need you to heal a
little bit more from this situation and this whole dynamic so that you can start to believe that god
like he's never passed you over anita and i believe 100 that's why he led you out of there
how do you mind if i ask how how old you are i'm 35 ah you don't look at at all that's a good thing
you don't so how long have you been in virginia kind of away from them just like right into
college no i went to college in the same state as them okay um in 2018 and then um i got followed a
man here who you know what it ended up horrible um and we have a son together so i have to be in
so i have a three year three and a half year old um who i share with him okay since 2020 i've been
in virginia all right so you get to create this new family with your son the way that things can
be and so um as you're processing the forgiveness i want you to also
thank God for your son. And that you, no matter what you go through that, you can respond
differently than your parents did. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let us know how that goes. Okay.
Come into the group and tell us how the forgiveness process goes. And if you have any questions,
if there's any other memories that kind of bubble to the surface as you're doing this,
let us know that too. Okay. So we can help you, um, if needed, unpack that a little bit
more. Um, y'all, this has been a really good night, Anita. Thank you for trusting us. Everyone
that shared your stories. Thank you. I never, ever take it lightly. Um, and it's really
important for y'all to know that we're praying for you. Um, I see that Catherine raised her
hand a little bit ago. I do need to close this down for tonight. Cause I actually do
have another, whether y'all I'm have another meeting after this. So I have to close this
up tonight. Um, but know that we're praying for you. We're, we're believing for more and
more breakthrough. I'm going to go ahead and pray and close this out. Father. Thank you
so much. God, thank you for being with us in the tough moments. God, even during a coaching
call God in our alone time, I thank you that you see every situation represented by every
woman here. Ones that were not spoken out ones that were God, I thank you that you,
um, you've never left us. You've never forsaken us. God, I thank you that your eyes are on
us. I thank you that you would turn your face towards us. God, and that the importance of
that would help us to understand that you are loving, that you are kind, that you are
not the way that other people have been towards us. We thank you God for restitution and all
of these situations. God, we ask you to help us to, uh, take ownership if or where we need
to God, we ask you to help us to forgive those who have harmed us and continue to harm us
for some of us. God, we thank you that you would just continue to help us to put on the
armor of God every day to stay hidden under your presence, Lord, and in under the shadow
of your wings, God, that we would trust that you are our defender, that you are ever present
help in time of trouble. God, we thank you for, yes, Lord, sending Jesus as our peace,
God, that he is the light of the world. So illuminate everything within us where there's
darkness bring light, where there's a depression, bring hope and joy and freedom. And Lord,
we just thank you for more and more of that in the days to come in Jesus name. Amen. God
bless you all. I hope you have a great night. Everyone will be seeing you in the group.
See you soon. Bye bye. Thank you.