WEBVTT

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or all right welcome ladies i'm so excited i will repeat so excited to be with you guys

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at 12 o'clock on today um is there anyone here it's your first time i don't see anyone but i

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could not have it on the right view um good good um so all of you that were asking about let's do a

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little housekeeping then we'll get started all of you that um were the times and seasons is up in

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the resource tab if you want to register for that once you register for the times and season they're

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going to put you in another group and then all the information you're going to need is going to be on

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the app but you're going to it's going to be in a different group you'll have access to that only

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and have everything you need in there get started so don't worry about supplies don't worry about

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anything they're going to have it in there for what telling you what you need everything yeah

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you're registered it's going to be exciting you guys i'm excited too because i'm coming

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and so bethany is an awesome teacher and so i'm excited um to be with bethany and be with all of

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you guys um don't forget that we're doing pre-orders for jackie's new book it's going to

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be amazing i don't care how much i go back and listen to the teachings all the time and it's

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just good every time and so i only expect goodness and so that name of that new book is modern

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dating sucks so we want you guys to pre-order it um even if if you if you don't if it's not

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your forte let's just support jackie as a community she has been so so good to us and

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so we're just excited to support her um if nothing else and then um you guys don't forget that um

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carla and i always doing one-on-ones to support you to unpack things that can't get unpacked over

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this live coaching session there are a lot of things that can't even get unpacked over

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typing it on the wall and things of such sort so you know adding it to the community and we respond

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there's just so much gets lost in the translation or the intent or the understanding and so don't

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forget that and if it's not calling myself there are a list of host of coaches that want to help

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you with some one-on-one sessions and did i cover everything anybody on here so some more ladies have

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come in i'm ebony i'm not caller caller is not feeling well today and so i am stepping in for her

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um is this your first time um being in any session if that's you just wave at me

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okay if this year if you've never been to eight o'clock and you've never met me i am ebony i am

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the coach at 8 p.m um i'm excited barbara it's your first time well i'm ebony i generally usually

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always coach at 8 p.m welcome to phase 2 cynthia and barbara i always coach at 8 p.m and so anyway

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i am a third grade elar teacher i live in austin texas i have not always been a teacher before i

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went into teaching i was a life coach at a non-profit organization um before that um i

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i was the director of a youth program for at-risk youth in inner city and then in between all of

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that i was a business owner i owned a personal care agency and my then husband which is my

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ex-husband we own a property preservation business and so ela is english language arts reading

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and so i teach the students all of that um and so that's a bit about me i did this program about

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three years ago i think three maybe we're going to a new year end up being four at some point

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um and so it changed my life um i believe in it i believe in a revival of kingdom marriages

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and i know for myself that this is a life-changing um program and it continues to change my life to

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this very very moment and so i want you guys to know that i was just at chapter oh elar um i want

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you guys to know that you're this is a life-changing moment for you and you'll never be the

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same if you take these truths kick out the old bring in the new practice it your life will never

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be the same i am a testimony of that so let's get started um this week am i missing something

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let's pray father i thank you for these ladies i thank you for all of the goodness that you packed

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on the inside of them when you brought them out of heaven and put them in their mother's womb you

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knew that we needed them in this earth and so i thank you lord god as they journey with you they

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begin to grow in the truth of the goodness that they are and that all of this earth needs them

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in jesus name amen amen amen all right so today we're going to be talking about something that

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is so very good and i know that you're going to enjoy it because i see what we

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post on the wall, and all of us are the same,

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even in our differences.

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And so today, we're going to be talking

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about confidence in overcoming insecurities.

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That means the confidence, overcoming insecurities,

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and how those insecurities that you deal with

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are tied to triggers.

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They're directly tied together.

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And so who's excited about talking about that?

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I just want to see, because I'm super excited.

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Yeah, yeah.

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I think that we all need some confidence,

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and I think that all of us ladies struggle in that area.

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And so we're going to kind of reach a little bit.

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Yeah, let's talk about it.

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We're going to kind of reach back a bit to hard work,

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because it's ongoing.

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It doesn't stop.

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All of this is tied.

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Confidence, insecurities are weaved

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into the heart, which are weaved into identity.

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And identity produces behavior.

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And the behavior is what you see,

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but it's tied to those things.

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It goes back to the heart.

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The heart shapes our identity.

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And so let's talk about, what is confidence?

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So confidence is the feeling or belief

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that one can rely on someone or something.

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Or in our case, the confidence in believing

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that we can rely on ourselves, that we can trust ourselves.

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It is the feeling or belief that we house the ability.

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And then, what are insecurities?

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Insecurities is your uncertainty or an anxiety about yourself.

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Lack of confidence.

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Do you see how insecurities and confidence, they go together?

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Because your insecurity is a lack of confidence

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in your ability in yourself.

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And so it's not one without the other.

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If the confidence is out, the insecurity is going to be there.

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But the confidence is based on the heart and the truths

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that you believe about yourself or the lies

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that you believe about yourself.

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So this is going to be more interactive.

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And so we're going to put some things in the chat.

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We're going to do some talking, because we want to kind of mull

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through these things.

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And we want to deal with the root causes

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so that you can be empowered forever.

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Empowered forever.

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So when we have a trigger, we all know what a trigger is, right?

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Somebody does something, it gets you all hot.

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When we have a trigger, after today's session,

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the goal is that you'll recognize when a trigger happens,

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another flag is being, something else is being uncovered to you.

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It's what you had in phase one called revealing for healing.

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The flag is going out saying, hey, something's

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happening in the heart.

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It's not them.

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It's not what they did and how they did it.

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They did something, but that something

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caused a reaction in you.

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And the reaction is waving a flag at you saying,

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come and see about me.

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Come and see about me.

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Something's happening on the inside.

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Come in and see about me.

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So this is what, let's give an example.

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You're talking to a guy, right?

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And everything's going good.

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And then all of a sudden, he falls out the face of the earth.

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What are your thoughts?

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Type in your thoughts.

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You're talking to this guy.

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Everything's going good.

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It seems promising.

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He believes like you believe.

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And this is really good.

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He just stops talking to you.

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Put in your raw thoughts of what you believe.

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He doesn't like me.

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Here we go again.

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Could you give more feedback to here we go again?

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What did I do wrong?

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Yeah, anybody else?

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I am more like, what did I do?

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What did I even do?

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I will replay that conversation over and over and over.

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He's busy.

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He has another girl.

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Guy insecure.

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He lost interest.

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He's not best for me.

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I like that iPhone.

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He's not interested.

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I must have done something, or he discovered something about me

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that he didn't like.

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Here we go again, as if I've invested

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time that was wasted.

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He's probably been chatting to others too

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and chosen someone else.

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You overthink.

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He needs time to process.

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He met someone else.

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Rejection is God's protection.

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It sounds good, but it sure don't feel good, does it?

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So all of these things are happening in us

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because someone did something.

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The trigger has happened, and now you

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begin to think most of these are negative thoughts

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about yourself.

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You immediately blame you.

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You immediately take responsibility.

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responsibility for something.

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Why are you doing that, right?

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Like, that's the real question.

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I'm not questioning, like in our minds,

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that's how we track down these things.

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Like, why are we doing that?

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Why did I just blame myself?

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Why did I think something was wrong with me?

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And then if I think, oh, he must've picked somebody else,

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then that doesn't feel good either

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because now it feels like he's chosen someone over you.

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Is that right?

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And so this sucks, like, oh, I wasn't good enough.

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Right?

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And so all of these thoughts are leading to something in you

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and they are really good for discovery.

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And I want you to think back

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to your revealing for healing chart

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that you got in phase one.

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Who remembers that?

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Revealing for healing.

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Now, a lot of times when we're in our hard work,

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we are so excited, we're so pumped up

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because we're about to make this thing happen,

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about to get a husband.

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It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right.

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I'm confessing, I'm believing.

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Yeah, I'm healed.

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Damn, let's go.

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Put me in phase two.

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Put me in the game.

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Put me in the game.

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I'm ready to go.

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Ah, yai, yai, yai, yai, yai.

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You get to phase two and you find out

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you gotta actually work the stuff you learned in hard work.

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But I thought I was over this, is what you say.

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I thought I did the hard work.

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What the heck, God?

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Where's my husband?

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I did everything I'm supposed to do and where is he?

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Nevermind the trigger that just went off in your heart.

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Nevermind that you're struggling to believe

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that you're worthy or that you're good enough

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or that if somebody does something

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that you're the blame for it.

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Because everything that you learned in the hard work

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is now what you're gonna be faced with in this phase

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because now you have someone to trigger you.

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Listen, people, especially people

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who've been walking with God for a long time

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and they've been single for a long time,

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everything is perfect in your world.

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So you think you don't have any triggers.

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But if I give you some triggers,

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we can reveal the issues of the heart.

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You just let God do something

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you didn't plan on him to do it that way.

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How many times you put him in the judgment seat

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and tell him what he should have did

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and how he could have did and why he did it that way

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and why you're not pleased.

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Because that's what a lot of girls

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who not in dating relationships deal with

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or you have some family issue come up.

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It takes something to rub against you to reveal the heart,

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to reveal the wounds, to reveal the hurting.

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And a lot of times when you're not in a community

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that is equipping you with wisdom

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and helping you understand the workings of the heart,

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you don't even get to the bottom of it.

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And so a lot of things we jump up to suppression.

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Okay, it'll be okay.

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The Lord is with me.

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I'm all right.

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We do whatever it takes to do to get us to keep moving.

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You're not wrong for it because you don't have it.

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The Bible says we perish for lack of knowledge.

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Means it costs you when you don't have knowledge.

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And it says, and the key thing is to get wisdom

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and all you're getting.

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And then it says, get an understanding.

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And so you need wisdom, you need understanding,

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you need knowledge.

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And if you don't have knowledge,

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you can't get to either one of them.

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Because if you get knowledge, you get understanding.

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When you get understanding,

249
00:13:17.780 --> 00:13:20.500
you then operate in a level of wisdom.

250
00:13:22.020 --> 00:13:23.980
But just because you don't get it,

251
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doesn't mean you don't pay the cost.

252
00:13:29.460 --> 00:13:30.620
Does that make sense?

253
00:13:30.620 --> 00:13:33.540
You pay the cost, whether you get the knowledge or not,

254
00:13:33.540 --> 00:13:34.380
you just suffer.

255
00:13:34.380 --> 00:13:38.860
So we have something, it triggers us, especially in dating.

256
00:13:38.860 --> 00:13:40.780
That's why the seven day challenge.

257
00:13:40.780 --> 00:13:42.460
That's why get you out there.

258
00:13:42.460 --> 00:13:44.940
That's why you're dating for discovery.

259
00:13:44.940 --> 00:13:47.340
That's why every man you meet is not your husband

260
00:13:47.340 --> 00:13:48.980
and get it out of your mind.

261
00:13:48.980 --> 00:13:53.980
Because in this phase, we are training you for reigning.

262
00:13:54.060 --> 00:13:55.980
You want to reign.

263
00:13:55.980 --> 00:14:00.460
You want to be what, you want to attract who you are.

264
00:14:00.460 --> 00:14:03.020
And if you don't work your muscles,

265
00:14:03.020 --> 00:14:05.300
if you don't learn how to deal with things

266
00:14:05.300 --> 00:14:08.780
and see the expression of your heart through your behavior,

267
00:14:08.780 --> 00:14:11.980
then how will you attract the best for you?

268
00:14:11.980 --> 00:14:14.380
You will continue to attract everything

269
00:14:14.380 --> 00:14:16.620
you refuse to confront.

270
00:14:17.500 --> 00:14:19.540
And it's no way around it.

271
00:14:19.540 --> 00:14:22.380
It's not what you think that gets you where you're going,

272
00:14:22.380 --> 00:14:23.840
is what you do.

273
00:14:25.420 --> 00:14:27.740
And what you're unwilling to name,

274
00:14:27.740 --> 00:14:29.960
what you're unwilling to confront,

275
00:14:29.960 --> 00:14:31.680
you are unwilling to deal with,

276
00:14:31.680 --> 00:14:35.140
it will deal with you whether you like it or not.

277
00:14:35.140 --> 00:14:36.700
It can deal with you on this side

278
00:14:36.700 --> 00:14:39.300
or deal with you on the side of I do.

279
00:14:39.300 --> 00:14:41.460
I guarantee you, you don't want the pressure

280
00:14:41.980 --> 00:14:43.140
that comes on the other side of I do.

281
00:14:43.140 --> 00:14:44.780
I've been on that side of I do.

282
00:14:46.020 --> 00:14:47.740
You don't want that weight.

283
00:14:47.740 --> 00:14:49.060
You just don't know it yet,

284
00:14:49.060 --> 00:14:50.900
because you live in a fantasy.

285
00:14:50.900 --> 00:14:53.540
But you live in a honeymoon every day in your marriage.

286
00:14:53.540 --> 00:14:55.420
The marriage you waiting on God for, it's a honeymoon.

287
00:14:55.420 --> 00:14:57.980
You don't know it, you can't help it.

288
00:14:57.980 --> 00:15:00.580
You can't help it, you just can't help it.

289
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:06.020
It's a honeymoon on this side. There are no problems. There are no concerns. Whatever it is. Your love will work it out

290
00:15:07.120 --> 00:15:09.120
But it's not true

291
00:15:09.280 --> 00:15:14.260
The same person you are right here is the same person that's gonna be at the altar

292
00:15:16.960 --> 00:15:18.800
That's just kind of how it works

293
00:15:18.800 --> 00:15:20.400
So, all right

294
00:15:20.400 --> 00:15:26.320
So when something is happening to the heart remember we're going back to our revealing for healing when something is happening in the heart a trigger

295
00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:28.320
Gives us that flag

296
00:15:29.280 --> 00:15:35.840
Which all of this ties back that's why a lot of times you confuse you you believe that I'm not gonna make a good decision

297
00:15:35.840 --> 00:15:38.920
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't think I got it, right? Did I say it wrong?

298
00:15:38.920 --> 00:15:41.560
I should have said it wrong. Oh my goodness. Did I do that, right?

299
00:15:41.560 --> 00:15:45.800
How many hours did they say talk on the phone like those are real boundaries like, okay, you're learning those, right?

300
00:15:45.800 --> 00:15:48.960
But like, okay, maybe I said something maybe I did something

301
00:15:49.600 --> 00:15:51.320
Confidence your insecurities

302
00:15:51.320 --> 00:15:57.680
They're all tied to something and they speak something to you about your heart and the purpose just reiterate of this session is to get

303
00:15:57.680 --> 00:16:02.440
You to stop and take care of the heart when the flag goes off

304
00:16:03.360 --> 00:16:05.360
okay, so

305
00:16:05.560 --> 00:16:07.960
Where am I cuz I got a little bit

306
00:16:09.320 --> 00:16:14.280
Get a little bit throw up there. Um, I want you guys, you know

307
00:16:14.320 --> 00:16:18.040
You're I go back to these videos often because they are so good

308
00:16:18.040 --> 00:16:23.400
But I want you to go back to your phase one content and look at your look

309
00:16:23.960 --> 00:16:28.160
Listen to the information again. Those videos are like 14 minutes long

310
00:16:28.680 --> 00:16:31.800
And I think I can listen to jacket like a tape recorder

311
00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:35.600
Because I mean I could just play it over and over and over because it's so good to me

312
00:16:35.600 --> 00:16:38.560
I am by innate the way

313
00:16:38.560 --> 00:16:41.800
I don't know if a birth out of me or something happened

314
00:16:41.800 --> 00:16:47.480
But I've got a hunger for truth and I refuse to live in lies. I refuse to live in bondage

315
00:16:47.520 --> 00:16:50.280
There's a fighter in me that will not go down

316
00:16:50.520 --> 00:16:54.680
And so I listen to truth all day long

317
00:16:54.680 --> 00:17:01.080
I read truth all the time go back and listen to her revealing for healing. That's what we're gonna be talking about

318
00:17:01.720 --> 00:17:06.000
Continuing that our confessions our repentance our forgiving

319
00:17:07.040 --> 00:17:10.440
No, Carla will not be at the 8 p.m. I will be at the 8 p.m

320
00:17:11.680 --> 00:17:19.680
She will be back next week though. She will night. So, um last day. I want to say bye to her

321
00:17:20.839 --> 00:17:22.839
She's coming. Where are you going? Oh

322
00:17:23.680 --> 00:17:29.920
This is my last day. Oh, you're going to face three. No, this is my last day

323
00:17:31.880 --> 00:17:36.280
Yeah, I was hoping to say bye to her do you want to send her an email oh

324
00:17:37.440 --> 00:17:38.880
Yeah, well

325
00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:41.080
You got her email address. No

326
00:17:41.920 --> 00:17:47.240
Okay, I'll give it to you. I want you to be able to tell her by because I would I'll come at 8 and tell you

327
00:17:47.960 --> 00:17:53.680
That'd be good, but I don't want you to miss out on telling Carla back we love you Stephanie and so

328
00:17:54.320 --> 00:17:59.880
We really I really she would like to to she would like to have that goodbye from you

329
00:17:59.880 --> 00:18:07.600
I know her heart and we really love you. So, okay come to eight o'clock and then tell me why are you leaving?

330
00:18:07.920 --> 00:18:09.920
Okay

331
00:18:10.280 --> 00:18:14.760
What don't want you to leave all right, so let's keep it moving so

332
00:18:17.920 --> 00:18:19.920
Let's talk about

333
00:18:20.360 --> 00:18:27.280
Identity now in that video that I'm wanting you to go back and look at in this series. I don't know if you remember this

334
00:18:28.520 --> 00:18:33.160
Jacket talked about when something is happening in heart. Something is happening to our identity

335
00:18:33.360 --> 00:18:40.280
We behave based on our identity we perceive or see from our heart and not our eyes

336
00:18:40.680 --> 00:18:44.960
Who remembers that that you see from your heart and not your eyes?

337
00:18:45.920 --> 00:18:47.920
And so

338
00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:55.120
There's a scripture that says that um, it's in your content for phase one. It is

339
00:18:56.360 --> 00:18:59.320
The name of that video is revealing for healing

340
00:19:00.920 --> 00:19:07.680
Mm-hmm. Yeah, and so the scripture says out of the issues of the out of the heart flows the issues of life

341
00:19:09.000 --> 00:19:12.840
You can't override in your mind what your heart is convinced of

342
00:19:13.800 --> 00:19:18.560
If you believe I can tell you that you're beautiful all day long

343
00:19:18.760 --> 00:19:21.680
But if there's a lie that lives on the inside of you

344
00:19:21.680 --> 00:19:26.520
If your mom did some damage to you if your dad failed to tell you that you were beautiful

345
00:19:26.520 --> 00:19:31.640
If somebody failed to give you identity, I cannot convince you that you are beautiful

346
00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:36.080
You can't put on enough makeup. You can't put on enough pretty clothes

347
00:19:36.920 --> 00:19:40.280
Nobody can do anything about it because in the heart

348
00:19:41.240 --> 00:19:46.960
Therein is a lie and it speaks to you and when the heart of convinced the heart is a

349
00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:50.000
tool of belief

350
00:19:50.000 --> 00:19:51.240
That's why we have it

351
00:19:51.240 --> 00:19:57.000
The Bible says to guard your heart with all diligence for out of the heart flows the issues of life

352
00:19:57.000 --> 00:20:00.040
So you put a seed in the heart Jackie talks about this

353
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.240
It's in your phase one.

354
00:20:01.240 --> 00:20:03.360
You put a seed in the heart, whether good or bad,

355
00:20:03.360 --> 00:20:06.520
it is going to germinate that seed and produce.

356
00:20:08.560 --> 00:20:10.080
Oh yeah, you have to look under courses.

357
00:20:10.080 --> 00:20:13.240
I'm sorry, Gail, if I didn't, it's under your courses.

358
00:20:13.240 --> 00:20:15.800
It's gonna germinate and produce.

359
00:20:15.800 --> 00:20:17.200
And so what does that mean?

360
00:20:17.200 --> 00:20:22.200
Whatever's in there, it has to be identified and named,

361
00:20:22.280 --> 00:20:24.240
like in your feeling for healing.

362
00:20:24.240 --> 00:20:26.160
What is it that I'm hearing?

363
00:20:26.160 --> 00:20:27.000
Track it down.

364
00:20:27.000 --> 00:20:29.020
Why do I believe that?

365
00:20:29.020 --> 00:20:31.220
What is the lie that I believe behind it?

366
00:20:31.220 --> 00:20:34.580
And now we have the root and we pull that sucker up.

367
00:20:34.580 --> 00:20:37.940
And then you have to always, always replace.

368
00:20:37.940 --> 00:20:40.300
And now you work the new muscle

369
00:20:41.500 --> 00:20:45.740
and you repeat this pattern of new beliefs

370
00:20:45.740 --> 00:20:48.200
until it becomes your belief.

371
00:20:49.700 --> 00:20:52.460
Okay, so I got a little bit ahead of myself with it.

372
00:20:52.460 --> 00:20:57.060
So let's take another example of how confidence,

373
00:20:57.060 --> 00:20:59.980
insecurity, all tied to the heart and that is tied,

374
00:20:59.980 --> 00:21:01.620
which creates our identity.

375
00:21:06.140 --> 00:21:10.180
Let's say, let's take my life.

376
00:21:11.100 --> 00:21:13.180
I didn't know until I got in Jackie's program

377
00:21:13.180 --> 00:21:14.380
that I hated men.

378
00:21:15.580 --> 00:21:18.060
I didn't know that I hated men.

379
00:21:18.060 --> 00:21:20.180
Let me tell you, I had a goal in mind,

380
00:21:20.180 --> 00:21:22.780
but I didn't know this until I got in this program,

381
00:21:22.780 --> 00:21:27.060
that all I wanted to do, I wanted a husband

382
00:21:28.340 --> 00:21:31.580
and I'm a believer in ministry, in leadership,

383
00:21:31.580 --> 00:21:34.220
but I wanted every man, my goal was,

384
00:21:34.220 --> 00:21:36.660
I didn't know him, was to sit down at the table

385
00:21:36.660 --> 00:21:40.020
and prove to them why they weren't good enough for me.

386
00:21:40.020 --> 00:21:42.940
Because I had a deep seated belief

387
00:21:42.940 --> 00:21:47.060
that all a man wanted from me was to carry him on my back

388
00:21:47.060 --> 00:21:48.540
and I take care of him.

389
00:21:49.540 --> 00:21:52.220
I had a deep seated belief

390
00:21:52.220 --> 00:21:55.140
that men were gonna try to get over on me

391
00:21:55.140 --> 00:21:58.540
and so what I had to do was be like a tape recorder.

392
00:21:58.540 --> 00:22:00.860
Everything they said, I remembered.

393
00:22:00.860 --> 00:22:02.660
So when you lie to me,

394
00:22:02.660 --> 00:22:04.620
I'm gonna tell you what the truth is.

395
00:22:04.620 --> 00:22:06.980
I'm actually waiting for you to lie to me

396
00:22:06.980 --> 00:22:08.820
because I know the truth.

397
00:22:08.820 --> 00:22:11.500
And so in my mind, I was gonna be so vigilant,

398
00:22:11.500 --> 00:22:14.660
I was gonna make sure I guard and protect myself

399
00:22:14.660 --> 00:22:18.300
because I had this deep seated truth on the inside of me,

400
00:22:19.060 --> 00:22:21.860
some things I got from a father abandonment,

401
00:22:21.860 --> 00:22:25.060
I got from things that happened against my body

402
00:22:25.060 --> 00:22:28.180
that men did, I got from a stepfather that abandoned me,

403
00:22:28.180 --> 00:22:29.980
I got from men around me.

404
00:22:29.980 --> 00:22:32.260
So I gave them back what they gave to me

405
00:22:32.260 --> 00:22:33.940
because that's all I had to give.

406
00:22:35.420 --> 00:22:37.740
I didn't make a conscious decision to do these things

407
00:22:37.740 --> 00:22:40.260
but my heart spoke for me.

408
00:22:40.260 --> 00:22:42.460
My heart did what was needed.

409
00:22:42.460 --> 00:22:45.420
So I learned that I had to protect myself

410
00:22:45.420 --> 00:22:48.420
but I didn't realize I had come into a new place

411
00:22:48.420 --> 00:22:50.020
or I was coming into a new place.

412
00:22:50.020 --> 00:22:52.300
So the things I needed then, I didn't need now.

413
00:22:52.300 --> 00:22:54.100
So we know all of those things, right?

414
00:22:54.100 --> 00:22:55.580
And so I was very vigilant.

415
00:22:55.580 --> 00:22:57.380
You weren't gonna get over on me.

416
00:22:58.540 --> 00:22:59.940
So then you could say,

417
00:22:59.940 --> 00:23:02.260
well, I've had men to treat me like that before,

418
00:23:02.260 --> 00:23:05.620
you won't do it and I'm doing what's best for me

419
00:23:05.620 --> 00:23:09.340
because they gaslighted me.

420
00:23:09.340 --> 00:23:13.140
They were narcissists, they were this

421
00:23:13.140 --> 00:23:14.740
but that's not the full truth.

422
00:23:16.420 --> 00:23:19.300
The full truth is why did they do that to you?

423
00:23:21.740 --> 00:23:22.620
They did it to you

424
00:23:22.620 --> 00:23:25.780
because you didn't know your value or your worth.

425
00:23:25.780 --> 00:23:27.700
They didn't do it to you because they were so horrible

426
00:23:27.700 --> 00:23:29.340
because if you knew your value or worth,

427
00:23:29.340 --> 00:23:31.180
they would have never done it to you.

428
00:23:32.100 --> 00:23:34.300
And so if we live in the scenario

429
00:23:34.300 --> 00:23:37.540
that somebody has done something to me above my control,

430
00:23:37.540 --> 00:23:40.540
you will now come into this phase of the process

431
00:23:40.540 --> 00:23:42.780
and believe that somebody is gonna get over on you

432
00:23:42.780 --> 00:23:44.220
because you believe that it's them

433
00:23:44.220 --> 00:23:46.180
and you don't realize that you had an active role

434
00:23:46.180 --> 00:23:48.340
to play more of a role than they play

435
00:23:50.860 --> 00:23:54.860
because the heart only is an instrument of belief

436
00:23:54.860 --> 00:23:55.820
in your behavior,

437
00:23:55.820 --> 00:23:58.460
you will follow what you believe about yourself.

438
00:23:58.460 --> 00:24:00.500
And if you don't believe that you're valuable

439
00:24:00.500 --> 00:24:03.140
and that you're worthy of love and attention and affection,

440
00:24:03.140 --> 00:24:07.020
then you will allow someone to treat you a certain way.

441
00:24:07.020 --> 00:24:09.220
You don't know that you're doing it.

442
00:24:09.220 --> 00:24:11.460
They're not right that they were manipulative

443
00:24:11.460 --> 00:24:13.740
but they had to have somebody to manipulate.

444
00:24:15.100 --> 00:24:18.020
They had to have someone who was not aware enough

445
00:24:18.020 --> 00:24:20.060
that when you met them, that they were gaslighting,

446
00:24:20.060 --> 00:24:21.980
that they were love bombing you.

447
00:24:21.980 --> 00:24:24.540
You were so hungry for affection and love.

448
00:24:24.540 --> 00:24:26.540
You didn't know that this is unhealthy

449
00:24:26.540 --> 00:24:28.700
for someone to call you baby the first day,

450
00:24:28.700 --> 00:24:30.540
for someone to make plans for next year,

451
00:24:30.540 --> 00:24:32.780
for someone to tell you, yeah, when we get together,

452
00:24:32.780 --> 00:24:34.820
oh, I can see us together on the second date.

453
00:24:34.820 --> 00:24:36.700
You didn't know that that's unhealthy.

454
00:24:36.700 --> 00:24:39.220
You didn't know that relationships are supposed to be paced.

455
00:24:39.220 --> 00:24:40.300
The reason you didn't know it

456
00:24:40.300 --> 00:24:42.580
because you were hungry for love and affection

457
00:24:42.620 --> 00:24:44.780
because you never received what you needed.

458
00:24:44.780 --> 00:24:46.980
So you hunger for it and they gave it to you

459
00:24:46.980 --> 00:24:49.140
and they gave it to you in large doses

460
00:24:49.140 --> 00:24:50.820
because you long for it.

461
00:24:50.820 --> 00:24:53.340
But then you blame them for the outcome

462
00:24:53.340 --> 00:24:54.700
because you lack knowledge

463
00:24:54.700 --> 00:24:57.900
because that's not how you develop relationship.

464
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.800
You like the terms of endearment

465
00:25:01.800 --> 00:25:04.460
because you want to be chosen by someone,

466
00:25:04.460 --> 00:25:06.500
but you never chose yourself.

467
00:25:09.120 --> 00:25:11.000
Does that make sense?

468
00:25:11.000 --> 00:25:13.700
And so, yes, they did something.

469
00:25:13.700 --> 00:25:17.040
But in this process of what you're doing,

470
00:25:17.040 --> 00:25:19.640
in this process of identifying the lies

471
00:25:19.640 --> 00:25:21.120
that are operating in the heart

472
00:25:21.120 --> 00:25:23.040
where this insecurity is coming from

473
00:25:23.040 --> 00:25:25.620
that affects your confidence,

474
00:25:25.620 --> 00:25:28.600
you deal with the root cause of what's happening.

475
00:25:29.600 --> 00:25:31.480
And then you replace the lies

476
00:25:31.480 --> 00:25:32.920
that you once believed with truth,

477
00:25:32.920 --> 00:25:35.620
and you work that truth until it becomes you.

478
00:25:37.040 --> 00:25:39.400
And now I don't have to go out walled up

479
00:25:39.400 --> 00:25:41.120
because you might get over on me.

480
00:25:41.120 --> 00:25:44.900
You won't get over on me because I have eyes to see.

481
00:25:44.900 --> 00:25:46.760
I don't have to catch you up in a lie.

482
00:25:46.760 --> 00:25:49.000
I know what healthy is.

483
00:25:49.000 --> 00:25:53.600
I'm equipped with what is healthy, and this is unhealthy.

484
00:25:53.600 --> 00:25:55.800
I understand health enough

485
00:25:55.800 --> 00:25:58.360
that I'm aware of my own behavior.

486
00:25:59.040 --> 00:26:01.000
See, you don't have to be aware of somebody else's behavior

487
00:26:01.000 --> 00:26:03.040
as long as you're aware of your behavior.

488
00:26:04.320 --> 00:26:06.700
It doesn't intimidate me that someone lies to me.

489
00:26:06.700 --> 00:26:08.200
I just am able to call it a lie and say,

490
00:26:08.200 --> 00:26:12.460
oh, wow, I see that you don't like to operate in truth.

491
00:26:12.460 --> 00:26:14.880
I understand this where you are in life.

492
00:26:14.880 --> 00:26:17.160
That's not where I am.

493
00:26:17.160 --> 00:26:19.360
And so, for what it's worth,

494
00:26:19.360 --> 00:26:22.640
it was great getting to know you, but we can't move forward.

495
00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:24.080
And I don't think to myself,

496
00:26:24.080 --> 00:26:26.080
oh, what are they gonna think about me?

497
00:26:26.080 --> 00:26:27.800
Oh, should I say it nicer?

498
00:26:29.320 --> 00:26:31.440
I am nice.

499
00:26:31.440 --> 00:26:32.900
That's who I am.

500
00:26:34.500 --> 00:26:35.340
Does that make sense?

501
00:26:35.340 --> 00:26:36.920
Like, I don't have to wonder,

502
00:26:36.920 --> 00:26:38.360
oh, what are they gonna think about me?

503
00:26:38.360 --> 00:26:40.200
They should think that that's a powerful woman

504
00:26:40.200 --> 00:26:41.820
and she knows what she wants.

505
00:26:43.120 --> 00:26:44.600
They should think when you walk away,

506
00:26:44.600 --> 00:26:47.980
wow, she told me I was lying, but she sure didn't judge me.

507
00:26:47.980 --> 00:26:49.000
She didn't make me feel bad

508
00:26:49.000 --> 00:26:51.200
because she's also been a liar before.

509
00:26:51.200 --> 00:26:52.720
And she understands the space,

510
00:26:52.720 --> 00:26:54.780
and she's lied to herself before.

511
00:26:54.780 --> 00:26:56.840
See, awareness gives you,

512
00:26:56.840 --> 00:27:00.480
awareness of self allows you to have grace for somebody else

513
00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:02.780
because you too were in a place of growth.

514
00:27:04.560 --> 00:27:07.040
And you don't feel that you have to carry them

515
00:27:07.040 --> 00:27:08.440
as a responsibility,

516
00:27:08.440 --> 00:27:11.900
but you can release them to continue growing without you.

517
00:27:14.080 --> 00:27:15.560
You don't have to teach them.

518
00:27:15.560 --> 00:27:17.400
You don't have to help them.

519
00:27:17.400 --> 00:27:19.040
You know where you're going,

520
00:27:19.040 --> 00:27:21.960
and you're headed to a love story.

521
00:27:21.960 --> 00:27:24.660
You're in dating for discovery to work out some muscles.

522
00:27:24.660 --> 00:27:27.460
I don't have to have a scarcity of mindset.

523
00:27:27.460 --> 00:27:29.480
I can release you freely.

524
00:27:32.640 --> 00:27:34.420
And that's what happens.

525
00:27:35.940 --> 00:27:38.160
So this is what we wanna do.

526
00:27:40.180 --> 00:27:43.640
We can't turn our facts into truth.

527
00:27:43.640 --> 00:27:46.180
And this is something that is talked about in phase one.

528
00:27:46.180 --> 00:27:48.540
And in phase one never stops.

529
00:27:50.180 --> 00:27:52.900
That's the beauty of phase two,

530
00:27:52.900 --> 00:27:55.500
that you realize that you're now practicing

531
00:27:55.500 --> 00:27:57.820
what you learned in phase one, right?

532
00:27:57.820 --> 00:27:58.780
And so in phase one,

533
00:27:58.780 --> 00:28:01.780
one of the things that Jackie talks about in that particular

534
00:28:08.060 --> 00:28:09.780
One of the things that Jackie talks about

535
00:28:09.780 --> 00:28:11.940
in that particular video revealing for healing

536
00:28:11.940 --> 00:28:14.600
is taking our facts and making it true.

537
00:28:15.860 --> 00:28:19.260
So, Justina, she's not on here,

538
00:28:19.260 --> 00:28:22.140
but she posted from one of the activations that we did.

539
00:28:22.140 --> 00:28:25.740
She said, you know, for so long,

540
00:28:25.740 --> 00:28:30.740
I believed that a man always wants something.

541
00:28:30.980 --> 00:28:33.620
So if I do something, he wants something in return.

542
00:28:33.620 --> 00:28:35.100
So I'm not gonna let him pay for my food.

543
00:28:35.100 --> 00:28:35.980
Cause if you pay for my food,

544
00:28:35.980 --> 00:28:37.300
he's gonna want something back from me.

545
00:28:37.300 --> 00:28:38.540
She said, that's what I believe.

546
00:28:38.540 --> 00:28:40.760
She said, but when I asked that man to help me,

547
00:28:40.760 --> 00:28:42.060
he helped me so happily.

548
00:28:42.060 --> 00:28:44.760
He didn't want anything back from me.

549
00:28:44.760 --> 00:28:47.620
She said, but all my life, my mama taught me that.

550
00:28:47.620 --> 00:28:50.180
All my life I believed that about me.

551
00:28:50.180 --> 00:28:53.000
So she took her fact and made it a truth.

552
00:28:54.460 --> 00:28:56.380
And she lived by that truth.

553
00:28:56.380 --> 00:28:57.220
Any of you guys,

554
00:28:57.220 --> 00:29:00.180
none of you think about ever taking a fact and made it true?

555
00:29:01.720 --> 00:29:03.260
You've experienced it.

556
00:29:03.260 --> 00:29:04.780
You may say so many times, but you know,

557
00:29:04.780 --> 00:29:05.620
you just one person.

558
00:29:05.620 --> 00:29:07.260
So maybe you experienced it three times.

559
00:29:07.260 --> 00:29:08.700
You could be the common denominator.

560
00:29:08.700 --> 00:29:11.980
You are the common denominator, but hey, let's say,

561
00:29:11.980 --> 00:29:14.620
every guy you meet does the same thing to you.

562
00:29:14.620 --> 00:29:17.180
And you see this behavior in a man and you say,

563
00:29:17.180 --> 00:29:18.700
this is how all men are.

564
00:29:20.340 --> 00:29:23.740
And you take a fact of what happened to you

565
00:29:23.740 --> 00:29:25.400
and you make it true.

566
00:29:26.460 --> 00:29:29.500
What we're about to do is we're gonna release ourselves

567
00:29:29.500 --> 00:29:34.180
from some of these things that could be a fact in your life,

568
00:29:34.180 --> 00:29:36.100
but they're not the truth.

569
00:29:36.100 --> 00:29:38.700
And we're gonna release those things.

570
00:29:38.700 --> 00:29:41.700
Because even as Jackie teaches in that,

571
00:29:43.260 --> 00:29:48.020
even in that session, we cannot, oh good.

572
00:29:48.020 --> 00:29:51.860
We cannot erase what happened to us.

573
00:29:51.860 --> 00:29:53.340
You can't do it.

574
00:29:53.340 --> 00:29:56.480
It happened, but you can replace it.

575
00:29:59.660 --> 00:30:00.500
It doesn't happen.

576
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:08.720
to be erased. We can just replace. Life is all about replacing. You don't even want to erase

577
00:30:08.720 --> 00:30:12.240
because you're a testimony. Do you think if I erase the things that happened to me, I couldn't

578
00:30:12.240 --> 00:30:18.160
even share things with you right now because it was erased. But it can't be erased. And we have

579
00:30:18.160 --> 00:30:27.200
to stop giving power to things that should be replaced, giving it power to dictate our life to

580
00:30:27.200 --> 00:30:33.760
us now, meaning the power to dictate our confidence, the power to tell us this is who you

581
00:30:33.760 --> 00:30:43.040
are because that happened to you. We're going to replace some things with the new truths that you

582
00:30:43.040 --> 00:30:48.160
have learned and you're going to work those new truths in repetition until they become who you

583
00:30:48.160 --> 00:30:57.840
are and you're going to be that thing. And so we do this. We replace by first confessing

584
00:30:58.640 --> 00:31:05.440
and repenting and replacing. So why do we do that? What is repentance? Now, if you know scripture,

585
00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:09.200
you know that in some scriptures in the Old Testament, they would repent, put ash cloths

586
00:31:09.200 --> 00:31:13.520
on their head. They had to be really sad because this is the way you have to be when you repent.

587
00:31:13.520 --> 00:31:21.120
But repentance within itself is an opportunity to turn from one way into a new way. Repentance is,

588
00:31:21.680 --> 00:31:27.840
wow, God, I've done this my way the whole time. Here's the truth that's up for grabs.

589
00:31:28.480 --> 00:31:32.800
I'm going to repent for partnering with that lie and I'm going to pick up the truth.

590
00:31:33.920 --> 00:31:38.800
You guys, one of the saddest things that can happen is that you can live in a land of truth

591
00:31:39.440 --> 00:31:42.880
and bypass it because you think your way is better. That's called pride.

592
00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:50.960
And it's called foolish when your way has never worked and you bypass proven results to hold on

593
00:31:50.960 --> 00:31:55.920
to your lie that is keeping you in prison and will keep you in prison for the rest of your

594
00:31:55.920 --> 00:32:03.360
life. For the Bible said it's the truth that sets us free. Lies put you in bondage and what happens

595
00:32:03.360 --> 00:32:09.200
is you become, you feel safe. They serve you in two ways. You feel safe behind them because now

596
00:32:09.200 --> 00:32:15.520
you can't be hurt, but then you lose because you never taste freedom and the power that comes with

597
00:32:15.520 --> 00:32:23.440
it. You will believe that life happens to you and everybody's doing something to you and you're

598
00:32:23.440 --> 00:32:30.320
going to keep attracting that. Who you are, you attract. If you believe, if you can look over

599
00:32:30.320 --> 00:32:35.840
your life and see a pattern that men always show up the same way, it is not men. It's you.

600
00:32:40.080 --> 00:32:47.680
People cannot do to you what you do not allow and that is a real solid thing. I know a woman

601
00:32:47.680 --> 00:32:54.560
who is now married 20 years and her husband calls her an idiot. He calls her stupid. He puts her

602
00:32:54.560 --> 00:32:59.120
down. He treats her like trash and she keeps saying to me that he needs counseling.

603
00:33:00.320 --> 00:33:05.920
I said, really? And that's her prayer that he would get help.

604
00:33:07.760 --> 00:33:12.320
I said, and then some of my other friends are like, I can't believe he talks to you like that. I said,

605
00:33:12.320 --> 00:33:20.000
no, I'm not mad at him. I'm not mad at anybody. I don't have offense with him. I said, but I'm

606
00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:25.520
telling you, he doesn't need help. You need help, but that's what happened when we believe we're not

607
00:33:25.520 --> 00:33:34.000
worthy of love and goodness. There's a belief system within her that doesn't believe she

608
00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:37.520
deserves better. This is the same woman who believed God for her husband.

609
00:33:39.600 --> 00:33:44.800
It's us. That's us believing God for her husband, but don't want to deal with the issues of the

610
00:33:44.800 --> 00:33:50.080
heart. It puts you in a posture that you should not be. And it puts you in a posture to allow

611
00:33:50.080 --> 00:33:55.040
abuse to happen in your life. None of you woke up and said you wanted a man to abuse you.

612
00:33:56.080 --> 00:34:01.360
Talk to you any kind of way, lie to you, leave you broken and hurt. But it was something on

613
00:34:01.360 --> 00:34:09.199
the inside at work within us that allowed for things to happen. And only the only person that

614
00:34:09.199 --> 00:34:15.840
has to undergo surgery is us. And everything around us changed, not just about a man. It'll

615
00:34:15.840 --> 00:34:20.159
be how the way someone talked to you on your job. It could be about a family member. It's all the

616
00:34:20.159 --> 00:34:28.320
same. One principle works all the way across the board. The same principle flows all the way

617
00:34:28.320 --> 00:34:33.120
across the board. And so this is what we're going to do. Because we can't erase, we don't have to

618
00:34:33.120 --> 00:34:38.239
erase. We don't want to erase. Our testimony is what's going to help somebody else. We're going

619
00:34:38.239 --> 00:34:44.000
to replace today. So we're going to do a little practice. And then I'm going to speed up because

620
00:34:44.000 --> 00:34:48.080
I know we have questions, but let me speed up. This is the activation also. You're going to do

621
00:34:48.080 --> 00:34:54.800
it similar when you get home. But I want you ladies to ask the Holy Spirit. This is what

622
00:34:54.800 --> 00:34:59.920
you're going to do right now. There's a grace for you to hear. Ask the Holy Spirit.

623
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.720
What lies do I believe in my heart

624
00:35:02.720 --> 00:35:05.080
that you are ready for me to release?

625
00:35:05.080 --> 00:35:06.480
Just need one.

626
00:35:06.480 --> 00:35:09.480
What lie am I believing in my heart right now

627
00:35:09.480 --> 00:35:11.960
that you are ready for me to release?

628
00:35:17.440 --> 00:35:19.800
What lie am I believing in my heart

629
00:35:19.800 --> 00:35:22.120
that you are ready for me to release?

630
00:35:22.120 --> 00:35:35.120
If you get that lie, type it in the chat.

631
00:35:35.120 --> 00:35:37.040
If you feel like you're not getting anything,

632
00:35:37.040 --> 00:35:39.840
maybe you already know something, check out the chat.

633
00:35:39.840 --> 00:35:41.520
We are more like than we know.

634
00:35:47.560 --> 00:35:49.800
And once you type it, if you have it,

635
00:35:49.800 --> 00:35:52.040
once you type it in the chat, I want

636
00:35:52.040 --> 00:35:57.360
you to ask Holy Spirit, say, ask Holy Spirit,

637
00:35:57.360 --> 00:35:58.920
why do I believe this lie?

638
00:36:01.920 --> 00:36:02.640
That's a good one.

639
00:36:02.640 --> 00:36:04.640
That people won't pick me, that I only attract

640
00:36:04.640 --> 00:36:06.160
men who won't love me.

641
00:36:06.160 --> 00:36:07.600
Yes, so good.

642
00:36:07.600 --> 00:36:09.760
That I'm not worthy of finding love again.

643
00:36:09.760 --> 00:36:12.040
Yes, so good.

644
00:36:12.040 --> 00:36:14.720
Wasting my life in churches that don't.

645
00:36:14.720 --> 00:36:18.640
She kind of, that is, it's not supposed to be funny,

646
00:36:18.640 --> 00:36:21.320
but that's a really good one.

647
00:36:21.920 --> 00:36:23.760
Yeah, the lie that I believe is that I've

648
00:36:23.760 --> 00:36:27.440
wasted my life in churches that don't have enough men.

649
00:36:27.440 --> 00:36:30.000
That no man would treat me right or choose me.

650
00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:31.920
That I'm too old to find a good husband.

651
00:36:31.920 --> 00:36:33.320
I'm not worthy of a good one.

652
00:36:37.200 --> 00:36:40.320
So Cynthia, is it that I am good enough or I'm not good enough?

653
00:36:44.040 --> 00:36:46.560
Everyone else needs are more important than mine.

654
00:36:46.560 --> 00:36:49.480
My life was wasted and abused me and I'm too old now.

655
00:36:52.320 --> 00:36:55.840
And now go ahead and ask Holy Spirit,

656
00:36:55.840 --> 00:36:57.240
why do I believe this lie?

657
00:37:03.320 --> 00:37:04.720
Mm, so good.

658
00:37:18.840 --> 00:37:20.720
Sometimes when you say, why do I believe this lie,

659
00:37:20.720 --> 00:37:22.560
you may hear yourself talk back to you and be like,

660
00:37:22.560 --> 00:37:24.000
well, cause it's the truth.

661
00:37:24.000 --> 00:37:26.480
If this, if this, if that,

662
00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:28.240
cause you remember we said we take our truth

663
00:37:28.240 --> 00:37:30.520
and we elevate it to a fact.

664
00:37:30.520 --> 00:37:32.320
That's something to be discovered.

665
00:37:42.760 --> 00:37:45.040
Mm, so good.

666
00:37:45.040 --> 00:37:46.720
That should have just been said so I would be,

667
00:37:46.720 --> 00:37:49.680
I don't know, I missed a little bit, I missed the time.

668
00:37:49.680 --> 00:37:53.120
I don't know if y'all notice the trend in this.

669
00:37:53.120 --> 00:37:55.520
Most of all of these, no matter how they're souped up

670
00:37:55.520 --> 00:37:56.760
is I'm not good enough.

671
00:37:57.720 --> 00:37:59.360
I'm not worthy.

672
00:37:59.360 --> 00:38:03.040
For whatever reason, you missed the timing.

673
00:38:03.040 --> 00:38:05.080
The enemy doesn't have any new tricks.

674
00:38:05.080 --> 00:38:07.720
He uses the same lies on all of us.

675
00:38:07.720 --> 00:38:10.680
They're almost every last one of these I can relate to.

676
00:38:10.680 --> 00:38:12.480
Like it touches somewhere in me.

677
00:38:16.680 --> 00:38:19.560
So even the youngest person says the same thing

678
00:38:20.400 --> 00:38:23.520
that the oldest person says, nobody will want me.

679
00:38:23.520 --> 00:38:25.440
You just have a different reason why they won't want you,

680
00:38:25.440 --> 00:38:28.640
but both believe they won't, nobody wants me.

681
00:38:28.640 --> 00:38:29.640
Y'all see that?

682
00:38:31.360 --> 00:38:35.120
How is it that your reason that you feel is so justifiable

683
00:38:35.120 --> 00:38:38.600
is the same lie that somebody else believes

684
00:38:38.600 --> 00:38:41.400
and they've justified that lie, they're fortified.

685
00:38:42.800 --> 00:38:44.080
But it's the same thing.

686
00:38:45.240 --> 00:38:48.720
Because ideally if I believe, oh, I'm past that now,

687
00:38:49.000 --> 00:38:50.440
like nobody wants somebody with children

688
00:38:50.440 --> 00:38:52.200
or if somebody is too old,

689
00:38:52.200 --> 00:38:53.720
if I just was younger, it'd be better.

690
00:38:53.720 --> 00:38:55.480
But then the young person turned around and say,

691
00:38:55.480 --> 00:38:58.600
nobody wants me, nobody likes me.

692
00:38:58.600 --> 00:39:00.760
And then they have, but it's the same rule.

693
00:39:01.720 --> 00:39:03.400
God has used my ways to like to help women

694
00:39:03.400 --> 00:39:05.280
in the same situations, my mission.

695
00:39:08.000 --> 00:39:11.400
So we've gotten out these lies

696
00:39:11.400 --> 00:39:13.320
because of the church culture, family culture.

697
00:39:13.320 --> 00:39:15.400
Yes, why do you believe that that's a really good one?

698
00:39:15.400 --> 00:39:18.160
Because of the church culture, family culture,

699
00:39:18.600 --> 00:39:21.160
you guys, it's a culture of society.

700
00:39:21.160 --> 00:39:24.160
Women are programmed to stay looking young

701
00:39:24.160 --> 00:39:27.160
and keep looking young and don't let your skin wrinkle

702
00:39:27.160 --> 00:39:30.480
because if you do, nobody's gonna want you.

703
00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:36.440
Yeah, that's what culture sings to us.

704
00:39:36.440 --> 00:39:38.360
Codependent thinking, that's good.

705
00:39:39.400 --> 00:39:41.760
And once you, even if you didn't get a chance to track down

706
00:39:41.760 --> 00:39:43.800
why you believe that in your quiet time,

707
00:39:43.800 --> 00:39:45.520
ask Holy Spirit, why do I believe this?

708
00:39:45.520 --> 00:39:46.760
It's gonna reveal it to you.

709
00:39:46.760 --> 00:39:49.400
This is your revealing for healing cycle.

710
00:39:49.400 --> 00:39:51.160
And then what I want you to do is

711
00:39:51.160 --> 00:39:53.960
once you've identified it as a lie,

712
00:39:53.960 --> 00:39:58.080
I want you to say, I repent for partnering with this lie.

713
00:39:58.080 --> 00:39:59.400
And we can do this right now.

714
00:39:59.400 --> 00:40:00.600
Let's do this right now.

715
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.840
Now, Father God, I repent for partnering with this lie.

716
00:40:03.840 --> 00:40:06.920
What is your truth about me?

717
00:40:21.280 --> 00:40:24.320
And write that truth down, put it in the chat if you want.

718
00:40:24.320 --> 00:40:25.760
What is your truth about me?

719
00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:42.240
That's so good. I'm lovable. I am whole.

720
00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:50.240
That's so good to share. I am precious. Oh, I love it.

721
00:40:50.240 --> 00:41:01.840
I'm worthy. Yes, he chooses me and puts the right people in my path. So true.

722
00:41:02.400 --> 00:41:04.080
I deserve to be loved and cherished.

723
00:41:10.480 --> 00:41:12.480
I'm a valuable daughter of the king. Yes.

724
00:41:13.440 --> 00:41:16.240
Yes. So good.

725
00:41:30.400 --> 00:41:34.080
Yes, just right on time, pursuing things because now I'm pursuing God.

726
00:41:34.080 --> 00:41:38.240
I'm not alone. Good. I'm beautiful and worthy just the way I am.

727
00:41:38.240 --> 00:41:43.360
These are also good. If they pop up in you, just continue dropping them in.

728
00:41:43.360 --> 00:41:48.080
I'm going to post our activation, which is very similar to this in our community wall.

729
00:41:48.080 --> 00:41:50.880
And as you get truth, I'm beautiful and worthy.

730
00:41:50.880 --> 00:41:56.240
As you get truth, as you receive life, post them, encourage the community.

731
00:41:56.240 --> 00:41:59.200
This is encouraging for me. If you guys are watching this chat,

732
00:41:59.200 --> 00:42:03.440
I know it's going to be encouraging for you as well, because you see that you're not alone.

733
00:42:04.400 --> 00:42:13.680
Every, there is no place of ultimate healing. There's a place of, I see a root, I pull it up.

734
00:42:13.680 --> 00:42:18.640
I replace it with truth. I work that truth until I make, until it becomes who I am.

735
00:42:18.640 --> 00:42:21.840
So that when the trigger comes, it hits up against the truth.

736
00:42:23.680 --> 00:42:28.480
And then I say, this is why I say, this is an everyday things for me.

737
00:42:28.560 --> 00:42:31.920
Hear me. I say to myself, why did that upset you?

738
00:42:33.280 --> 00:42:40.800
I do not say, I can't believe I literally, so trained in me. I say, why are you upset?

739
00:42:43.280 --> 00:42:50.560
Somebody, I have a roommate and it was, it was, we need to make change of money.

740
00:42:50.560 --> 00:42:55.920
And she requested the money from me and I got offended. I said, why would she request money

741
00:42:55.920 --> 00:43:02.160
from me? Have I ever not paid you on time? Have I ever, like I started going through all

742
00:43:02.160 --> 00:43:07.920
these things and it hits something in me. And I said, I, what I wanted to do is I,

743
00:43:07.920 --> 00:43:14.400
I feel safe when I confront people. I'm confrontational because I feel safe when the

744
00:43:14.400 --> 00:43:18.320
elephant is taken care of. I'm not going to sit in a room with you with an elephant in the room.

745
00:43:18.320 --> 00:43:25.360
I can't do it. I feel so unsafe. So I will sit down and say, let's, let's talk this out because

746
00:43:25.920 --> 00:43:34.960
but I knew it wasn't her. It was mean. It was mean. Cause when she sent it, I had forgot all

747
00:43:34.960 --> 00:43:39.360
about it, but I wasn't, I wasn't late. It wasn't that issue. I don't know why she sent it, but it

748
00:43:39.360 --> 00:43:46.720
was mean. Why was I so angry? I could have just said, oh, okay. She requested it. But why was I

749
00:43:46.720 --> 00:43:51.040
so offended? And I dealt with the offense in my heart and I called up my sister. I'm like,

750
00:43:51.040 --> 00:43:53.920
this is what happened. We got to figure out what's happening in my heart.

751
00:43:55.760 --> 00:44:01.040
I have, I have people that I'm accountable to. I have people that I say, we got to find the lie.

752
00:44:01.760 --> 00:44:06.480
People who get to sit in the inner course of my heart are people who go after the lies that I

753
00:44:06.480 --> 00:44:11.360
believe. So when I get on the phone with them, when I talk to them, I say everything I'm thinking,

754
00:44:11.360 --> 00:44:17.920
every single thing. And their job is to find the lie because they know. And I know there's

755
00:44:17.920 --> 00:44:24.000
a lot of living there, but I can't find it, but they will. In one of my confessions, I can't

756
00:44:24.000 --> 00:44:27.520
believe. And they did say, I, when you start talking about what they did and they did,

757
00:44:27.520 --> 00:44:34.240
the Bible says that the enemy is the accuser of the brethren. It is the enemy who accuses.

758
00:44:34.240 --> 00:44:40.720
It says that love covers a multitude of faults. When I hear an accuser in my head, I figure out

759
00:44:40.720 --> 00:44:45.440
what is this going on? I'm not just going to slap a scripture on and keep walking. No, no, no, no,

760
00:44:45.440 --> 00:44:49.440
no, no. I'm going to get to the bottom of this because I'm not going to be bamboozled because

761
00:44:49.440 --> 00:44:54.640
at the same time, the enemy is robbing me of my peace. And it's not going to stop replaying

762
00:44:54.640 --> 00:44:59.920
in my head. I know me. And so I just said, you know,

763
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.800
Now, I know I took more time to do this,

764
00:45:02.800 --> 00:45:06.400
but this is necessary because most of you

765
00:45:06.400 --> 00:45:10.480
guys are posting how you don't trust yourself.

766
00:45:10.480 --> 00:45:12.520
You don't trust yourself because there's

767
00:45:12.520 --> 00:45:14.360
something happening in the heart.

768
00:45:14.360 --> 00:45:16.840
And it's not in every area, but you're

769
00:45:16.840 --> 00:45:19.720
in a highly triggerable time right now

770
00:45:19.720 --> 00:45:22.760
because it's time to practice what you got healed

771
00:45:22.760 --> 00:45:25.160
or what you worked on so that you can fortify

772
00:45:25.160 --> 00:45:26.640
those areas in your heart.

773
00:45:27.640 --> 00:45:31.640
And to be fortified in this phase

774
00:45:31.640 --> 00:45:33.760
is going to produce fortification in marriage

775
00:45:33.760 --> 00:45:37.440
because you're going to be offended all the time.

776
00:45:37.440 --> 00:45:40.000
And you're going to really believe in your little heart

777
00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:42.960
that your husband should be a replica of you.

778
00:45:42.960 --> 00:45:45.360
And it's not true.

779
00:45:45.360 --> 00:45:47.160
The same way you don't keep friends around

780
00:45:47.160 --> 00:45:49.880
that are not like you.

781
00:45:49.880 --> 00:45:50.600
Right?

782
00:45:50.600 --> 00:45:52.640
We have this belief that everybody around,

783
00:45:52.640 --> 00:45:53.480
we're just right.

784
00:45:53.480 --> 00:45:55.320
And if they just do it the way we say it,

785
00:45:55.320 --> 00:45:57.680
they'll see that this is just right.

786
00:45:57.680 --> 00:46:00.720
It's just not how it works, people.

787
00:46:00.720 --> 00:46:01.360
OK?

788
00:46:01.360 --> 00:46:03.360
And so this is your activation.

789
00:46:03.360 --> 00:46:04.760
I'm going to post it, but I'm just

790
00:46:04.760 --> 00:46:05.840
going to say it to you right quick.

791
00:46:05.840 --> 00:46:07.000
And then we're going to take some questions.

792
00:46:07.000 --> 00:46:09.000
And you can have questions about this, something

793
00:46:09.000 --> 00:46:10.360
that you struggle with, something

794
00:46:10.360 --> 00:46:11.480
you want to help navigate.

795
00:46:11.480 --> 00:46:13.920
So I said, I want you to spend time praying this week.

796
00:46:13.920 --> 00:46:16.200
And this week, you're going to show,

797
00:46:16.200 --> 00:46:17.680
you're going to ask the Holy Spirit,

798
00:46:17.680 --> 00:46:21.200
show me where I'm lying to myself.

799
00:46:21.200 --> 00:46:23.640
You know that kind of lie that you don't know you believe,

800
00:46:23.680 --> 00:46:26.120
but I'll tell you the lie, that when you get the husband,

801
00:46:26.120 --> 00:46:27.800
everything will be just OK.

802
00:46:27.800 --> 00:46:29.880
And that's why you sit in the judgment seat.

803
00:46:29.880 --> 00:46:31.560
You put God on trial.

804
00:46:31.560 --> 00:46:33.960
And you say, why haven't you gave me my husband yet?

805
00:46:33.960 --> 00:46:35.520
Because I did everything I should.

806
00:46:35.520 --> 00:46:40.920
You believe that a husband is a reward of you not having sex?

807
00:46:40.920 --> 00:46:41.800
You believe it.

808
00:46:41.800 --> 00:46:43.720
You believe that this is the reward you get

809
00:46:43.720 --> 00:46:45.640
for doing things the right way.

810
00:46:45.640 --> 00:46:47.840
Husbands aren't rewards.

811
00:46:47.840 --> 00:46:52.160
You live rightly because it affords you a good life.

812
00:46:52.160 --> 00:46:54.200
If you practice the principles of God,

813
00:46:54.200 --> 00:46:57.040
it gives you a life that you would not

814
00:46:57.040 --> 00:47:00.000
get if you were practicing other principles.

815
00:47:00.000 --> 00:47:02.680
It gives you peace, right?

816
00:47:02.680 --> 00:47:05.200
So some things you have to get straight.

817
00:47:05.200 --> 00:47:07.160
You're not working for God to do something

818
00:47:07.160 --> 00:47:08.200
and give you a husband.

819
00:47:08.200 --> 00:47:12.800
Deal with that fact, that a husband is not a reward.

820
00:47:12.800 --> 00:47:16.320
It's the order of things, right?

821
00:47:16.320 --> 00:47:18.640
So those are sometimes when we're lying to ourselves.

822
00:47:18.640 --> 00:47:22.000
We don't even know that, right?

823
00:47:22.560 --> 00:47:24.760
Where are you partnering with religion?

824
00:47:24.760 --> 00:47:26.360
You could ask Holy Spirit that.

825
00:47:26.360 --> 00:47:28.040
You can ask Holy Spirit to show you

826
00:47:28.040 --> 00:47:30.200
whatever accusations or confusions that's

827
00:47:30.200 --> 00:47:31.400
happening in your heart.

828
00:47:31.400 --> 00:47:33.920
But at the bottom line, you want to show, show me,

829
00:47:33.920 --> 00:47:36.200
Holy Spirit, what lies am I believing that it's

830
00:47:36.200 --> 00:47:37.800
time for me to release?

831
00:47:37.800 --> 00:47:39.400
When you get that lie, I want you to,

832
00:47:39.400 --> 00:47:41.200
I post a revealing for healing chart, too,

833
00:47:41.200 --> 00:47:42.660
if you don't know how to get to it.

834
00:47:42.660 --> 00:47:44.240
But it's in your phase one content.

835
00:47:44.240 --> 00:47:46.480
I want you to just follow the little lines.

836
00:47:46.480 --> 00:47:47.800
You ain't got to do all of them.

837
00:47:47.800 --> 00:47:49.080
You could just do one of them.

838
00:47:49.080 --> 00:47:50.160
Follow your little lines.

839
00:47:50.160 --> 00:47:51.080
Go around there.

840
00:47:51.120 --> 00:47:53.560
And then I want you to pull back out your Jesus Cares board.

841
00:47:53.560 --> 00:47:55.240
Who remembers Jesus Cares?

842
00:47:57.560 --> 00:47:59.720
Take your new truth or whatever you got

843
00:47:59.720 --> 00:48:01.120
and put it on that Jesus Cares board

844
00:48:01.120 --> 00:48:02.960
so you can keep looking at it because Jesus Cares

845
00:48:02.960 --> 00:48:05.160
and so that you will partner with him

846
00:48:05.160 --> 00:48:09.080
to see the fruition of what you are investing in

847
00:48:09.080 --> 00:48:12.840
and watch it come to pass because it will come to pass.

848
00:48:14.040 --> 00:48:14.880
Okay?

849
00:48:14.880 --> 00:48:17.660
There's a guarantee on the truth that it makes you free.

850
00:48:19.280 --> 00:48:20.120
All right?

851
00:48:20.120 --> 00:48:21.960
And then, yeah.

852
00:48:21.960 --> 00:48:24.080
And so I'll post it so you can have it.

853
00:48:24.080 --> 00:48:24.920
All right.

854
00:48:25.920 --> 00:48:27.760
I think, don't know.

855
00:48:27.760 --> 00:48:31.000
I think it was Gail, then Karen, then Stephanie.

856
00:48:31.000 --> 00:48:32.040
But go for it.

857
00:48:33.560 --> 00:48:34.400
Gail?

858
00:48:36.200 --> 00:48:37.320
Yes.

859
00:48:37.320 --> 00:48:42.120
You told me to come and talk to you about my post.

860
00:48:42.120 --> 00:48:42.960
Yes, Gail.

861
00:48:42.960 --> 00:48:43.960
I screenshotted it.

862
00:48:45.320 --> 00:48:47.080
And you know at the time I didn't even know

863
00:48:47.080 --> 00:48:48.980
that I was going to be on One O'Clock.

864
00:48:50.480 --> 00:48:51.680
Where is?

865
00:48:51.680 --> 00:48:54.180
I screenshotted all the posts I want to remember.

866
00:48:56.880 --> 00:48:58.600
Just seen a Gail.

867
00:49:03.640 --> 00:49:06.640
He does exhibit, but at least he doesn't have any virus.

868
00:49:16.640 --> 00:49:18.560
Tell me why you're not physically attracted.

869
00:49:18.560 --> 00:49:20.360
So I'm going to catch you guys up real quick.

870
00:49:20.360 --> 00:49:23.400
Gail is dating this guy who brings her a gift

871
00:49:23.400 --> 00:49:24.400
every time he sees her.

872
00:49:24.400 --> 00:49:25.680
You know that makes me excited.

873
00:49:25.680 --> 00:49:28.880
But anyway, he's not, it's true.

874
00:49:30.360 --> 00:49:34.400
Each time he brings her flowers or a book or a small gift,

875
00:49:34.400 --> 00:49:36.160
he appears very kind and nice,

876
00:49:36.160 --> 00:49:39.080
but he's not physically attracted to him at all.

877
00:49:39.080 --> 00:49:41.720
He does exhibit the fruits of the spirit,

878
00:49:41.720 --> 00:49:45.000
but admits that he doesn't know many Bible verses.

879
00:49:45.000 --> 00:49:48.280
Now, so she's contemplating, should she go on?

880
00:49:48.960 --> 00:49:51.760
Tell me what about him physically aren't you attracted to?

881
00:49:55.960 --> 00:49:58.880
Well, I wouldn't call him handsome.

882
00:49:58.880 --> 00:50:00.120
I guess, I don't know.

883
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.920
I just am I I try to sit there and visioning myself giving him a kiss or some giving him a kiss

884
00:50:06.920 --> 00:50:11.800
I mean, I'm it's too early for it, but I know it repulses me

885
00:50:12.840 --> 00:50:17.780
Okay, is it his teeth? Is it his? No, what is it? Is his is what is it?

886
00:50:19.800 --> 00:50:25.320
Too big for you be honest. You just saying what's right? Well

887
00:50:30.000 --> 00:50:32.240
He has glasses he

888
00:50:34.480 --> 00:50:36.560
He's his face is

889
00:50:40.400 --> 00:50:47.160
Maybe I'm watching too many Hallmark movie. No, I'm just joking, but I don't know. It's just he

890
00:50:54.040 --> 00:50:56.040
His face structure

891
00:50:56.160 --> 00:50:58.160
His nose structure

892
00:50:58.280 --> 00:51:05.240
His like very outdated glasses. I know he needs a woman to show him right you're gonna say that but

893
00:51:06.680 --> 00:51:13.280
He has I am very active and he's got kind of like a

894
00:51:14.320 --> 00:51:16.320
big belly

895
00:51:16.320 --> 00:51:18.320
mm-hmm, and I

896
00:51:18.320 --> 00:51:20.120
I

897
00:51:20.120 --> 00:51:25.400
Think that's just it. I just I just try to think of myself. Could I kiss this guy?

898
00:51:25.400 --> 00:51:31.080
It's like no, I mean it was kind of like is repulsive and it's not like he's

899
00:51:31.640 --> 00:51:33.640
Deformed or anything. It's just

900
00:51:35.280 --> 00:51:36.640
Well

901
00:51:36.640 --> 00:51:43.560
but yeah, he actually my daughter owns a cafe daughter and son-in-law own a cafe very close to me and

902
00:51:44.120 --> 00:51:48.800
Yesterday he wanted he just said let's go out to breakfast and I see he said where can we go again?

903
00:51:48.800 --> 00:51:54.920
Because it's to be our third date and I said I so I checked with my daughter. Is it okay if I bring a gentleman?

904
00:51:55.480 --> 00:52:02.760
to the cafe for breakfast because it's the best breakfast in this area as far as I'm concerned and so didn't he come with a

905
00:52:04.200 --> 00:52:06.200
Bunch of flowers for her

906
00:52:07.920 --> 00:52:10.800
So he gave me like a wrapped up

907
00:52:11.440 --> 00:52:13.440
Book and he gave her

908
00:52:14.080 --> 00:52:18.680
You know a bunch of flowers with roses and different kinds of I mean, it was a bouquet of flowers

909
00:52:18.680 --> 00:52:21.360
Of course, she was totally enamored

910
00:52:21.920 --> 00:52:24.320
Yeah, he's so kind but he is

911
00:52:26.800 --> 00:52:32.800
Very polite. Yes, ma'am. No, sir, you know very polite. I

912
00:52:34.160 --> 00:52:36.160
Haven't found anything in

913
00:52:36.480 --> 00:52:43.240
In the you know as far as I haven't found any yellow flags except I'm not physically dragged to him one

914
00:52:44.240 --> 00:52:46.240
the second thing is

915
00:52:47.520 --> 00:52:50.800
He said to me yesterday he said, you know

916
00:52:51.720 --> 00:52:57.440
I go to church and everything, but I don't really know very many Bible verses and I guess in my mind

917
00:52:57.440 --> 00:53:00.160
I feel I'm so tired of men

918
00:53:00.680 --> 00:53:07.760
That are baby Christians are just not sold out kind of even though he's got a lot of fruits of spirit

919
00:53:07.760 --> 00:53:12.000
I would say he's a very good moral person and he does go to church

920
00:53:15.160 --> 00:53:21.560
But I'm like a nerd when it comes to the Bible and scripture and studying and

921
00:53:23.360 --> 00:53:29.760
You know, he's into football, you know, I'm just giving you the real thing he's all into the Buffalo Bills, you know

922
00:53:30.160 --> 00:53:37.120
And I would rather be sitting and reading my Bible. And so I just wonder can we relate emotionally and then the honest and then also

923
00:53:37.640 --> 00:53:39.440
I'm retired

924
00:53:39.440 --> 00:53:43.720
I'm 72. I'm retired. I would love to travel

925
00:53:45.320 --> 00:53:50.160
He's 70s and he says he's gonna work all his life he works for Amazon and

926
00:53:50.760 --> 00:53:55.800
He said I'm gonna work for all my life. So, you know, and I don't mind doing day trips, but

927
00:53:56.400 --> 00:54:03.020
In so financially he's not in the same position as me with time and finances

928
00:54:03.360 --> 00:54:09.360
So, I don't know. I just I would I don't know if they're yellow flags. I don't know if I'm being too judgy

929
00:54:12.160 --> 00:54:14.160
Yeah, well

930
00:54:14.360 --> 00:54:20.920
So I thank you for being completely honest Gail and I think it is important that we

931
00:54:21.480 --> 00:54:25.560
Be as completely honest with ourselves as possible. That's why I told you let it all out

932
00:54:25.560 --> 00:54:27.560
This is not a judgment zone

933
00:54:27.600 --> 00:54:31.880
I believe that if you find it where you are simply fit

934
00:54:31.880 --> 00:54:37.080
I would have pushed some but some of the I would have pushed some because

935
00:54:37.520 --> 00:54:42.240
Okay, every person is different. So I make post deal a little different than I will coach you

936
00:54:42.880 --> 00:54:45.000
There's not just one thing about him

937
00:54:45.000 --> 00:54:50.700
I think maybe some of your even more major concerns will be the fact that he's gonna work his whole life

938
00:54:51.220 --> 00:54:56.620
You're retired he's not financial where he needs to be and you're in retirement right now

939
00:54:57.140 --> 00:54:59.900
So he's not financial what he needs to be in your retirement

940
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.040
Carmen, they can speak some more things to you

941
00:55:03.040 --> 00:55:05.840
because you're partnering with him.

942
00:55:05.840 --> 00:55:07.520
He's coming into a marriage.

943
00:55:07.520 --> 00:55:11.080
You're not going to come out of retirement to go back to work.

944
00:55:11.080 --> 00:55:14.280
You're not in your 30s where y'all are working and getting

945
00:55:14.280 --> 00:55:15.040
it and competing.

946
00:55:15.040 --> 00:55:16.080
You know what I'm saying?

947
00:55:16.080 --> 00:55:21.280
You've retired, settle with what provides for you.

948
00:55:21.280 --> 00:55:25.120
Those have a weight to them at a retirement age.

949
00:55:25.120 --> 00:55:29.240
Those are really big, important things.

950
00:55:29.240 --> 00:55:33.240
I think that attraction can grow.

951
00:55:33.240 --> 00:55:35.560
That's a real thing.

952
00:55:35.560 --> 00:55:37.880
And sometimes we'll just say, oh, I'm not attracted.

953
00:55:37.880 --> 00:55:38.840
It doesn't matter to me.

954
00:55:38.840 --> 00:55:40.760
I'm not keep talking if I'm attracted to you.

955
00:55:40.760 --> 00:55:43.760
But you'll be amazed at how you can take a man who's fine,

956
00:55:43.760 --> 00:55:47.560
and if he treats you like crap, he won't look so good anymore.

957
00:55:47.560 --> 00:55:50.480
You can go marry that fine man, that six-foot-four man,

958
00:55:50.480 --> 00:55:52.480
and he can be everything that everybody want.

959
00:55:52.480 --> 00:55:55.400
He probably will be everything that everybody want.

960
00:55:55.400 --> 00:55:56.480
You know what I'm saying?

961
00:55:56.480 --> 00:55:59.480
There is a level of weighing that you

962
00:55:59.480 --> 00:56:01.040
have to do with attraction.

963
00:56:01.040 --> 00:56:04.040
Because in a little while, your skin going to sag,

964
00:56:04.040 --> 00:56:05.200
his skin going to sag.

965
00:56:05.200 --> 00:56:08.480
In a little while, everything is going to kind of fluke.

966
00:56:08.480 --> 00:56:11.160
So there is a weight to be had on it.

967
00:56:11.160 --> 00:56:12.740
And I'm saying that not for you, girl.

968
00:56:12.740 --> 00:56:16.200
I'm saying that for us to put a measure here.

969
00:56:16.200 --> 00:56:18.320
This concept of, I'm just not attracted.

970
00:56:18.320 --> 00:56:19.600
I'm just not attracted.

971
00:56:19.600 --> 00:56:24.280
Look, you don't let a man who's sold out to righteousness

972
00:56:24.840 --> 00:56:27.040
if he's masculine, mature, and marriage-minded

973
00:56:27.040 --> 00:56:29.040
pass you by over attraction.

974
00:56:29.040 --> 00:56:31.120
Look at what the attraction is.

975
00:56:31.120 --> 00:56:32.800
Look at what can be worked on.

976
00:56:32.800 --> 00:56:34.960
And so, and girl, this is a side coach.

977
00:56:34.960 --> 00:56:36.760
This is not directed towards you.

978
00:56:36.760 --> 00:56:40.320
So I think there's some heavier matters with you,

979
00:56:40.320 --> 00:56:43.800
girl, than just his looks, I think, for me,

980
00:56:43.800 --> 00:56:45.520
if I had to process it out.

981
00:56:45.520 --> 00:56:47.960
If a man is, I was dating this guy.

982
00:56:47.960 --> 00:56:49.280
He was a marriage-minded guy.

983
00:56:49.280 --> 00:56:52.040
We had to go our ways in our community to agree with it.

984
00:56:52.040 --> 00:56:54.360
Not because either one of us, all of us cried.

985
00:56:55.480 --> 00:56:57.840
But when we were getting to know each other,

986
00:56:57.840 --> 00:56:59.320
we were into the second month,

987
00:56:59.320 --> 00:57:00.760
and I knew it was marriage-minded.

988
00:57:00.760 --> 00:57:03.320
He, I didn't notice it at first,

989
00:57:03.320 --> 00:57:04.560
but then I looked at, like,

990
00:57:04.560 --> 00:57:09.000
I have an issue with buildup on teeth.

991
00:57:09.000 --> 00:57:10.960
I don't take it personally if you got buildup on your teeth

992
00:57:10.960 --> 00:57:12.000
because I'm not trying to date you,

993
00:57:12.000 --> 00:57:13.720
but I'm talking about me.

994
00:57:13.720 --> 00:57:16.000
And when you have plaque buildup that's hard,

995
00:57:16.000 --> 00:57:17.600
they have to kind of send you

996
00:57:17.600 --> 00:57:19.600
to another type of dentist to get out.

997
00:57:19.600 --> 00:57:21.520
I take dental hygiene very seriously

998
00:57:22.000 --> 00:57:23.400
because of my own journey.

999
00:57:23.400 --> 00:57:27.720
I said to him, because I know that can be fixed,

1000
00:57:27.720 --> 00:57:31.440
I explained to him my heart about dental hygiene,

1001
00:57:31.440 --> 00:57:34.920
how far I've come, and what that means to me.

1002
00:57:34.920 --> 00:57:37.360
And because both of us were marriage-minded,

1003
00:57:37.360 --> 00:57:39.880
I wouldn't want to raise my children up in a home

1004
00:57:39.880 --> 00:57:41.880
where we care for our teeth.

1005
00:57:41.880 --> 00:57:44.480
Dental hygiene or anything about your hygiene

1006
00:57:44.480 --> 00:57:46.120
or about the way you look on the outside

1007
00:57:46.120 --> 00:57:49.240
speaks to how you feel about yourself on the inside.

1008
00:57:49.240 --> 00:57:54.160
I understand root causes of things.

1009
00:57:54.160 --> 00:57:57.480
And if you can walk around with your teeth nasty

1010
00:57:57.480 --> 00:57:59.320
and your clothes dirty,

1011
00:58:00.240 --> 00:58:01.440
I'm not finna look at you like,

1012
00:58:01.440 --> 00:58:02.840
ugh, you need to do something.

1013
00:58:02.840 --> 00:58:05.640
No, no, no, no, something's happening in the heart,

1014
00:58:05.640 --> 00:58:08.360
and Ebony's gonna marry the heart.

1015
00:58:08.360 --> 00:58:11.000
It's the heart that I'm gonna be in a marriage with.

1016
00:58:11.000 --> 00:58:14.960
And so then I have the conversation in a gentle way,

1017
00:58:14.960 --> 00:58:16.920
respectful to a man, and say,

1018
00:58:16.920 --> 00:58:19.680
hey, this is my journey with dental hygiene.

1019
00:58:19.680 --> 00:58:21.520
And his breath was stinking.

1020
00:58:21.520 --> 00:58:22.800
So even when we were riding in the car,

1021
00:58:22.800 --> 00:58:24.320
I had to crack the window.

1022
00:58:24.320 --> 00:58:25.840
Now that ain't gonna work.

1023
00:58:26.720 --> 00:58:28.800
That's not working for me.

1024
00:58:28.800 --> 00:58:31.680
And so I had to get in the lane and let it,

1025
00:58:31.680 --> 00:58:33.680
I'm like, hey, your breath stinks

1026
00:58:33.680 --> 00:58:35.840
because you have all that buildup plaque.

1027
00:58:35.840 --> 00:58:38.240
Plaque is bacteria that sends off a smell.

1028
00:58:38.240 --> 00:58:40.720
How do I know I had bad teeth in my mouth before?

1029
00:58:40.720 --> 00:58:41.880
They gave off a scent.

1030
00:58:42.840 --> 00:58:45.040
I have a no-kissing rule anyway.

1031
00:58:45.040 --> 00:58:46.320
I don't kiss until I do.

1032
00:58:46.320 --> 00:58:48.200
That's just me because of my background

1033
00:58:48.200 --> 00:58:49.040
and where I come from

1034
00:58:49.040 --> 00:58:51.080
and what I've had to battle through.

1035
00:58:51.080 --> 00:58:52.560
But I wasn't finna kiss him

1036
00:58:52.560 --> 00:58:54.920
even at the altar with that stank breath.

1037
00:58:54.920 --> 00:58:56.200
That wasn't gonna work.

1038
00:58:56.200 --> 00:58:58.560
But he's a good man,

1039
00:58:58.560 --> 00:59:00.000
and so I was willing to have the conversation

1040
00:59:00.000 --> 00:59:01.760
to see what he would do to deal with it.

1041
00:59:01.760 --> 00:59:03.600
I ain't tell him what he need to do.

1042
00:59:03.600 --> 00:59:05.560
I just told him my preference.

1043
00:59:05.560 --> 00:59:09.080
You know that boy went to that dentist, and he did.

1044
00:59:09.080 --> 00:59:10.440
And he got the treatment.

1045
00:59:11.400 --> 00:59:14.000
And he got that stuff off his teeth, and he did.

1046
00:59:14.000 --> 00:59:15.920
And he got all kinds of stuff done.

1047
00:59:15.920 --> 00:59:19.760
So I'm just saying, some things can be fixed, right?

1048
00:59:19.760 --> 00:59:21.400
You're a little chunky.

1049
00:59:21.400 --> 00:59:23.680
I can tell you that I value health.

1050
00:59:23.680 --> 00:59:24.800
You can watch how I eat,

1051
00:59:24.800 --> 00:59:26.120
and I can ask you, is this something

1052
00:59:26.120 --> 00:59:27.400
you'll be willing to get on board with?

1053
00:59:27.400 --> 00:59:29.400
Because we can lose that little weight.

1054
00:59:29.400 --> 00:59:33.280
So some things can be adjusted, right?

1055
00:59:33.280 --> 00:59:34.840
I'm sorry you got to dip out too,

1056
00:59:34.840 --> 00:59:36.280
but some things can be adjusted.

1057
00:59:36.280 --> 00:59:37.120
That's all I'm saying.

1058
00:59:37.120 --> 00:59:38.480
So Gail, back to you.

1059
00:59:39.480 --> 00:59:43.520
If this is a no-go for you, it's a no-go,

1060
00:59:43.520 --> 00:59:44.400
and I hear your heart,

1061
00:59:44.400 --> 00:59:47.200
and I think it's time you had that conversation with him.

1062
00:59:49.680 --> 00:59:51.040
So you think the major thing

1063
00:59:51.040 --> 00:59:54.880
is the living financial situation then?

1064
00:59:54.880 --> 00:59:56.480
I think it has heavy weight,

1065
00:59:56.480 --> 00:59:59.360
but all of it is making your decisions.

1066
00:59:59.360 --> 01:00:00.200
Okay.

1067
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.480
And the fact that you're repulsed for some reason you're repulsed when you look at him and you think about kissing him

1068
01:00:05.600 --> 01:00:10.520
That's a really good marker, you know, because there has to be a level of physical attraction

1069
01:00:11.040 --> 01:00:13.040
It has to be um

1070
01:00:13.320 --> 01:00:20.000
but physical attraction doesn't outweigh when you're in the process of getting to know a person like you have to get to know a

1071
01:00:20.160 --> 01:00:27.240
Person because sometimes what they carry will outweigh and you'll be like, oh, well, you know his nose a little big but it's okay

1072
01:00:27.360 --> 01:00:30.880
All right, you know when you find out you got somebody that's really good on your hand

1073
01:00:30.880 --> 01:00:34.960
Yeah, I don't know, you know, you have people in your life and you look and you look I don't even know

1074
01:00:34.960 --> 01:00:41.000
They look like they I remember I used to be closer to 400 pounds and people will still tell me now

1075
01:00:41.000 --> 01:00:46.960
We look back at the picture. It's like I didn't know you look that way because you don't see that you see people

1076
01:00:47.600 --> 01:00:53.600
And it's like I did not know you were that big and I'm like, yeah

1077
01:00:54.160 --> 01:00:56.160
Well, how did they not know?

1078
01:00:56.400 --> 01:00:58.400
Looking at me every day, right?

1079
01:00:58.440 --> 01:01:04.160
But they saw a person and so if this is to this place you on the third date

1080
01:01:04.200 --> 01:01:10.200
We practice is a yes until it's a no you have given it the time you share with him that he's treated you

1081
01:01:10.200 --> 01:01:14.360
Well, every good man doesn't mean he's your man. I want to tell y'all

1082
01:01:14.920 --> 01:01:20.680
God sends some men into our life because that's the issue when you measure them back. Is he the one?

1083
01:01:20.680 --> 01:01:24.120
I don't waste my time. Is he the one is he the one is he the one he ain't the one

1084
01:01:24.120 --> 01:01:28.360
I don't waste my time. Well, but he can be the one that God seems to restore you

1085
01:01:28.760 --> 01:01:35.720
To show you that you can get flowers that you are chosen that you are worthy of a gift

1086
01:01:36.960 --> 01:01:38.960
for no reason

1087
01:01:39.080 --> 01:01:46.640
Right, and those are restorative things that God sends along our way and that's why dating for discovery is such a joy

1088
01:01:47.160 --> 01:01:53.240
It's so much fun because you can take that as restoration and not think well

1089
01:01:53.240 --> 01:01:59.680
Maybe the Lord telling me he is so really good. Maybe I'm just this maybe I'm just there

1090
01:01:59.680 --> 01:02:03.640
no, no, no, you got to put things in perspective and see them for what they are and

1091
01:02:05.000 --> 01:02:09.400
This was a restorative moment for you Gail. This says you are worthy

1092
01:02:10.200 --> 01:02:12.720
You don't have to give something to get something

1093
01:02:13.440 --> 01:02:17.120
You can just show up and be Gail and you're worthy of flowers

1094
01:02:17.280 --> 01:02:23.400
So I believe that the Lord was giving you your flowers that you so rightfully deserve and I want you to hold on to the

1095
01:02:23.560 --> 01:02:26.200
Experience and then it says the bar for the next minute

1096
01:02:26.600 --> 01:02:31.760
Sometimes God has to come along and get me to set a bar in our life. Literally. He did it for me

1097
01:02:32.360 --> 01:02:36.320
Somebody that comes back and set the bar and put the standard where it should be

1098
01:02:36.440 --> 01:02:42.920
You were so used to operating at a low standard with me and now he's coming along in this phase to set the bar

1099
01:02:43.480 --> 01:02:45.480
Come on, this is where we are

1100
01:02:45.480 --> 01:02:51.960
This is what we're working with. This is where I need you to be because if you don't get here, I can't bring that kingdom, man

1101
01:02:53.120 --> 01:02:55.120
You don't even have eyes for him

1102
01:02:56.080 --> 01:02:58.560
Right, and so thank you for sharing that Gail

1103
01:03:00.720 --> 01:03:02.800
All right, um Karen

1104
01:03:04.400 --> 01:03:06.400
Yes, oh that's awesome

1105
01:03:06.680 --> 01:03:10.280
Just want to give that feedback. I'm learning so much all the time

1106
01:03:11.000 --> 01:03:14.040
At a heart level, I love it. I love it. I love it

1107
01:03:14.600 --> 01:03:19.600
Yeah, I just want to do a quick what's been happening and any input

1108
01:03:20.840 --> 01:03:23.320
And hi, I think that's the first time I've seen you face

1109
01:03:23.800 --> 01:03:24.880
Yeah

1110
01:03:24.880 --> 01:03:29.840
And actually I think he responded to something. I wanted to just take a super short time and just say

1111
01:03:30.840 --> 01:03:37.720
I've been applying this to a church situation where I've needed and it's very clear. I've had a lot of validation

1112
01:03:38.440 --> 01:03:44.280
I've needed to speak the truth and love to some leaders who had some dysfunction that was significant enough and all that and

1113
01:03:45.000 --> 01:03:49.320
Just Sunday and for Saturday and Sunday. It became clear. I

1114
01:03:50.000 --> 01:03:57.640
Need to move on and and so I just wanted to mention that because I've been applying this there and I'm actually I'm in a process

1115
01:03:57.640 --> 01:04:03.280
Of grieving the loss because I have a lot of heart connection and I'll continue with some of the people

1116
01:04:03.280 --> 01:04:08.080
But I just wanted to mention that because that affects dating I'm just going slow

1117
01:04:08.600 --> 01:04:15.040
You know, okay, so that's one thing. Um, the other is I've been getting to a really awesome, man

1118
01:04:15.040 --> 01:04:17.040
I do have some hesitations

1119
01:04:17.720 --> 01:04:25.280
But we're getting together today for the third time. We've done the FaceTime and the you know, everything else whatever but I mean and

1120
01:04:26.840 --> 01:04:28.840
So, let's see, what did I write down?

1121
01:04:28.960 --> 01:04:30.960
The main thing is

1122
01:04:31.120 --> 01:04:37.080
Is I get oh, oh, I just love a whole lot of what's happening. I love a whole lot of what's happening

1123
01:04:38.000 --> 01:04:41.520
I mean, he just see he just has real godly character

1124
01:04:42.040 --> 01:04:48.600
Both assertive and also very sensitive, you know kind of what you all call the divine feminine and masculine

1125
01:04:48.600 --> 01:04:54.400
I actually I found out through e-harmony. I tend to have more of what are traditionally called the

1126
01:04:54.400 --> 01:04:59.840
Traditionally called the masculine qualities just because of how God made me like a Deborah

1127
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:15.000
And he tends to, he was a, he's a retired elementary school teacher, he tends to have more of what is traditionally called the feminine qualities, but we're both fully, I'm fully feminine, he's fully masculine, we're just, you know that.

1128
01:05:15.000 --> 01:05:24.000
So anyway, the main thing I think is, you know, just, just, you know, what, what do I need to do now.

1129
01:05:24.000 --> 01:05:39.000
We're getting together today. And I think that, you know, one of the things that's coming up in my heart, I'm two things. One is, I'm aware, it's like the whole physical attraction thing.

1130
01:05:39.000 --> 01:05:57.000
It's like, I've come away and I journal afterwards. And I journal, it's like, he seems too old. He just, I don't, wrinkles, he's got wrinkles, he's got more wrinkles. And I'm somebody, I'm, people tell me, where are your wrinkles, Karen, for, you know, I'm 67.

1131
01:05:57.000 --> 01:06:10.000
Okay, so I don't want that to be the whole thing. But anyway, I'm going to ask some of these questions, like, could I enjoy kissing him? Just, I'm not doing it. I'm just asking the question.

1132
01:06:11.000 --> 01:06:23.000
And also, here's the one main question for today is, we've gotten together and had a great time, like walking in nature together, a park, different things like that, talking about all kinds of stuff.

1133
01:06:23.000 --> 01:06:41.000
And I actually, I choose him as a friend, because he is like, he qualifies. And I'm careful in friendship. But I want him to ask me to, to like, you know, well, anyway, I'd like to go to lunch or something like that with him and have him offer to pay.

1134
01:06:41.000 --> 01:07:06.000
So I'm kind of navigating, how do we do this? So I think, because I just, I just, you know, we, this is a third time. And, you know, we're gonna probably go in nature unless it's raining. I'm thinking just suggest next time, hey, why don't we go to a healthy restaurant for lunch for something different, and then just leave it to him to see what he does in terms of offering.

1135
01:07:07.000 --> 01:07:21.000
I just want to make sure he's stepping up and doing his part. And he has initiated plenty. You know, I mean, and he's very assertive. I love it. I love it. He's very assertive. Anyway, so there we are.

1136
01:07:22.000 --> 01:07:23.000
How old is he?

1137
01:07:24.000 --> 01:07:27.000
He's about four and a half years older than me. He's 72.

1138
01:07:28.000 --> 01:07:30.000
He's 72. And what has he initiated?

1139
01:07:31.000 --> 01:07:48.000
Different things. Like, he was the first one to like me. He's initiated, like, texting stuff. Just, I forget everything. But I have, I have it written down. So I'm watching for that. Just initiated getting together.

1140
01:07:49.000 --> 01:07:58.000
Are you telling him that you want to spend your dates in nature? Is there something you're saying that makes him believe like, okay, because men will do what the woman likes. So when you do it.

1141
01:07:58.000 --> 01:07:59.000
I've noticed that.

1142
01:08:00.000 --> 01:08:05.000
Men do what you like. That's just the nature of a man. It's like, oh, whatever she like, I'm gonna keep doing it.

1143
01:08:06.000 --> 01:08:07.000
Right. I've noticed that.

1144
01:08:08.000 --> 01:08:09.000
Yeah, they're very simple.

1145
01:08:10.000 --> 01:08:11.000
I've noticed.

1146
01:08:12.000 --> 01:08:18.000
Yeah, I think, I think, actually, like today, and I think last time I said, so what would you like to do?

1147
01:08:19.000 --> 01:08:20.000
Okay.

1148
01:08:20.000 --> 01:08:28.000
Well, I asked him. Well, he said, like today, he said something about, you know, walking again sounds good, because we both like to do that, you know, in nature.

1149
01:08:29.000 --> 01:08:34.000
Okay. And so then what you can say, Becky's, you know what, I'd rather, let's grab a bite to eat.

1150
01:08:35.000 --> 01:08:47.000
Yeah, I think, I think I might need to do that next time, because I already said today, that sounds good. Why don't we go to a different place? So we'll, yeah, I like that. Yeah, suggestions are different.

1151
01:08:48.000 --> 01:09:05.000
Yes, let's suggest some, let's suggest you have grab a bite to eat. You also can have the conversation, like I've enjoyed getting to know you through our walks. And now I'm interested in what it will be like to enjoy you planning dates for us. Like straight up conversation.

1152
01:09:06.000 --> 01:09:22.000
I've already had straight up with him. And what he likes, and I like is if we both say what we'd really like to do. And then we come to a win win solution. That's how I do relationships. It's like mutual submission.

1153
01:09:23.000 --> 01:09:49.000
You know, this what I'm saying to you is not, it's not that depth. Okay. This man has never taken you to a restaurant to pay for a meal or a cup of coffee. Right. So this is not about mutual, this how you do the relationship, mutual this. You don't even know if he'll buy you a hamburger. Right. Right. So that means you're expressing to him that you need a date. You want to be taken on a date.

1154
01:09:49.000 --> 01:09:59.000
And my idea. Yeah, I, I'm not a real traditional person, and I'm, and I'm celebrating that so I'd rather do what we both do.

1155
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.360
both really enjoy. I just know I do need that now. So I'm

1156
01:10:03.360 --> 01:10:07.560
definitely going to take that and suggest that next time. Or

1157
01:10:07.560 --> 01:10:10.600
maybe this time if it rains today, it might rain today. So

1158
01:10:10.600 --> 01:10:11.080
we'll see.

1159
01:10:11.480 --> 01:10:14.960
Yeah, even if it doesn't rain, you can measure a person's

1160
01:10:14.960 --> 01:10:19.120
ability of spontaneity. Um, because that's fun. That's

1161
01:10:19.120 --> 01:10:31.120
exciting. So so you got to deal with knowing that someone that a

1162
01:10:31.120 --> 01:10:37.280
man has the posture to take care and provide for you. That's the

1163
01:10:37.280 --> 01:10:41.040
order of a man like this is the beginning of it. Will he pay for

1164
01:10:41.040 --> 01:10:48.520
me a meal? I know. Yeah, yeah. So I understand that you don't

1165
01:10:48.520 --> 01:10:51.160
know that a meal will get paid for till you actually go to a

1166
01:10:51.160 --> 01:10:56.240
meal, right? Right. So this is not about like, you know, the

1167
01:10:56.240 --> 01:10:58.800
all the other stuff is wonderful. But that's not where

1168
01:10:58.800 --> 01:11:01.680
you are. You've been getting stages and you're ready to go

1169
01:11:01.680 --> 01:11:02.720
out on a date.

1170
01:11:03.600 --> 01:11:07.480
Yeah, and actually, this is a date. This is dating for me to

1171
01:11:07.480 --> 01:11:10.920
get together and do something we both enjoy and get to know each

1172
01:11:10.920 --> 01:11:14.000
other. That's for me, that's considered a date. But I

1173
01:11:14.000 --> 01:11:18.160
definitely need the other kind. I totally agree with that.

1174
01:11:18.760 --> 01:11:23.200
Yeah, you need it because you just said you want to know if he

1175
01:11:23.200 --> 01:11:26.200
would pay for you something. I didn't make this up. You said

1176
01:11:26.200 --> 01:11:29.800
it. I agree. I totally agree. This is that no, this is

1177
01:11:29.800 --> 01:11:32.320
helpful. This is helpful. Because maybe I'll even suggest

1178
01:11:32.320 --> 01:11:35.600
something different for today. You know, rather than waiting

1179
01:11:35.600 --> 01:11:36.680
till next time.

1180
01:11:37.400 --> 01:11:41.400
I think I think it'll be really good. I mean, um, somebody says

1181
01:11:41.400 --> 01:11:46.520
you need some food. I think that I think it I think it'd be

1182
01:11:46.520 --> 01:11:49.480
good. I just you could just throw it out there like or a

1183
01:11:49.480 --> 01:11:51.760
cup of coffee or you know, whatever you want to do.

1184
01:11:53.400 --> 01:11:55.880
We were gonna go out for something you know, like I do

1185
01:11:55.880 --> 01:11:58.080
tea. We were gonna go out for something like that the other

1186
01:11:58.080 --> 01:12:02.520
time. But then it didn't work out. You know, so we were gonna

1187
01:12:02.520 --> 01:12:05.760
do that. But it wasn't best. But yeah, I think this is a good

1188
01:12:05.760 --> 01:12:09.560
next step. Because that's what I'm doing is step by step. Yeah.

1189
01:12:10.080 --> 01:12:13.120
So that sounds good. And and my and just so you know, I've

1190
01:12:13.120 --> 01:12:15.680
already talked with him about a lot of things that are real

1191
01:12:15.680 --> 01:12:19.280
important. I'll finish just with this. Because I've from my own

1192
01:12:19.280 --> 01:12:22.360
study of scripture and experience with healthy

1193
01:12:22.360 --> 01:12:27.640
relationships that I've seen and others. I actually believe that

1194
01:12:27.920 --> 01:12:31.160
it's not there's wrong translations and wrong

1195
01:12:31.160 --> 01:12:33.520
interpretations that cause people to think that the husband

1196
01:12:33.520 --> 01:12:37.120
is to be the leader of the wife. So I do see that differently. I

1197
01:12:37.160 --> 01:12:40.000
already checked with Jackie before I joined. Can you work

1198
01:12:40.000 --> 01:12:43.840
with someone like me? So, you know, so I've already talked to

1199
01:12:43.840 --> 01:12:47.720
them about that. And he's, he's just really good. He's wide

1200
01:12:47.720 --> 01:12:53.000
open. He's into mutual submission. And so, so I brought

1201
01:12:53.000 --> 01:12:57.480
up a lot that's important to me. Yeah, well, that's good. Yeah,

1202
01:12:57.520 --> 01:13:00.200
it is good. I've taught on this. So

1203
01:13:01.680 --> 01:13:05.160
alignment in the matter the most to you,

1204
01:13:05.480 --> 01:13:08.600
and I'm bringing them up step by step praying about what to bring

1205
01:13:08.600 --> 01:13:12.160
up when what's real important. What's negotiable? What's I'm

1206
01:13:12.160 --> 01:13:15.560
bringing up what's non negotiable for me. So okay,

1207
01:13:15.560 --> 01:13:17.960
that's great. I'll check with him about the luncheon. We'll

1208
01:13:17.960 --> 01:13:25.440
just see. We'll go see how it works. Yeah. Thank you. Hey,

1209
01:13:25.440 --> 01:13:26.400
Stephanie.

1210
01:13:26.760 --> 01:13:29.600
I have any good to see you on here at this time.

1211
01:13:30.440 --> 01:13:31.520
Good to see you.

1212
01:13:32.400 --> 01:13:37.800
So I'll be quick. I've taken a pause from from dating. I have

1213
01:13:37.840 --> 01:13:40.840
through like the holiday season, but I'm doing hard work stuff.

1214
01:13:41.040 --> 01:13:45.400
And so my question is, well feedback for stuff that I'm

1215
01:13:45.400 --> 01:13:50.120
working on with family family relationships. So one of the

1216
01:13:50.120 --> 01:13:54.800
things that came up in my heart work, obviously, is that I have

1217
01:13:54.800 --> 01:13:58.880
like abandonment and rejection stuff that I worked through. And

1218
01:13:58.880 --> 01:14:05.400
I lived for a season with some family in in San Antonio. And

1219
01:14:05.960 --> 01:14:09.840
there came a point where I decided to move away. And

1220
01:14:09.840 --> 01:14:12.880
unfortunately, the time that I made the decision to move away

1221
01:14:12.880 --> 01:14:16.680
was like a hard time for the family. And so what it kind of

1222
01:14:16.680 --> 01:14:20.720
caused like a rift, I had a really close relationship with

1223
01:14:20.720 --> 01:14:24.720
one of my cousins, who's like my sister, she was my bestie for a

1224
01:14:24.720 --> 01:14:29.320
season of my life. And over the last almost year and a half that

1225
01:14:29.320 --> 01:14:33.680
I've been away, I've been really making an effort to just kind of

1226
01:14:33.680 --> 01:14:36.320
keep in touch and keep in contact. She had two small

1227
01:14:36.320 --> 01:14:40.920
children that I was very attached to. And it's just been

1228
01:14:40.920 --> 01:14:46.720
a constant like she often won't answer the phone or won't return

1229
01:14:46.720 --> 01:14:51.000
calls or text me like days later, that they were busy or

1230
01:14:51.000 --> 01:14:53.640
were something or the other. And there have been moments where

1231
01:14:53.880 --> 01:14:56.960
she does call me back and I'm like, okay, little by little. In

1232
01:14:56.960 --> 01:14:59.520
any case, I have

1233
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:08.400
I have taken accountability for and apologized for my role in like the breakdown of our relationship

1234
01:15:08.400 --> 01:15:16.240
on multiple occasions and she's received that but she's never offered the same and so on my end

1235
01:15:16.240 --> 01:15:22.880
I'm working on I can't control that I can only control you know what what I offer and I didn't

1236
01:15:22.880 --> 01:15:29.360
offer my apology with the expectation that that she would give back because that's one of the

1237
01:15:29.360 --> 01:15:38.480
points when we had our our breakdown was that I felt I recognized that I used to do things to

1238
01:15:38.480 --> 01:15:43.360
earn people's approval and to earn people's affection that that's how I that's how I

1239
01:15:43.360 --> 01:15:50.960
function that's that was my goal too and I felt that I had bent over backwards and done all the

1240
01:15:50.960 --> 01:15:57.600
things in in building my relationship with them and when it came time to like be there for me

1241
01:15:57.600 --> 01:16:02.080
she wasn't there for me or she couldn't she couldn't match me and one of the things that she

1242
01:16:02.640 --> 01:16:12.240
she expressed was that um like I did things so that I could keep tabs and then say I've done

1243
01:16:12.240 --> 01:16:21.360
all these things for you but you you know like I was only doing them because I expected back

1244
01:16:21.360 --> 01:16:27.120
and not out of like my own desire to do right and so of course I was super friendly the first time

1245
01:16:27.120 --> 01:16:31.120
she said that but I've I've since worked through and say you know there's some truth to that

1246
01:16:31.120 --> 01:16:39.920
because I was expecting to to earn to earn their love right um so I took accountability for that

1247
01:16:39.920 --> 01:16:45.360
I guess now just to kind of wrap it up um over like I said over the last year and a half it's

1248
01:16:45.360 --> 01:16:51.200
been a lot of like me trying me trying not really pushing um reaching out without expectation

1249
01:16:51.200 --> 01:16:58.000
not getting offended when I don't get a response back um but at this point like Christmas came

1250
01:16:58.000 --> 01:17:04.480
along and I didn't hear from any of them I called and I didn't get and you know nobody answered the

1251
01:17:04.480 --> 01:17:11.280
phone nobody responded back with a phone call or a text message so I was hurt by that and so my my

1252
01:17:12.880 --> 01:17:18.000
what I'm working through now is I am working with the Holy Spirit and saying Lord you know each time

1253
01:17:18.000 --> 01:17:22.320
the thought comes up and each time the hurt comes up I surrender it to the Lord and I say you know

1254
01:17:22.320 --> 01:17:27.920
God just help me be gracious and help me be forgiving and continuously doing that really for

1255
01:17:27.920 --> 01:17:33.040
healing and the whole cycle and just saying you know God I'm feeling hurt by this I forgive them

1256
01:17:33.040 --> 01:17:38.960
I choose to forgive them and that whole thing but my going forward is like do I continue to try to

1257
01:17:38.960 --> 01:17:45.760
engage do I just take this do I even have to say anything do I just pull back and and just let it

1258
01:17:45.760 --> 01:17:52.880
be or do I finally say like listen I've been trying really really hard to repair over the last

1259
01:17:52.880 --> 01:18:00.320
year and a half I I'm you know it feels very one-sided I don't hold unforgiveness or resentment

1260
01:18:00.320 --> 01:18:08.720
but I it's painful for me to to continue to try to seek out and mostly because you know part of me

1261
01:18:08.720 --> 01:18:13.360
I know it's it's it's not I know I have to work through that but part of me is like you know these

1262
01:18:13.360 --> 01:18:18.320
are believers like they have a church they run a church you know this my uncle's a pastor the

1263
01:18:18.320 --> 01:18:23.920
whole thing and then it's just like I recognize that there's so much unforgiveness and resentment

1264
01:18:23.920 --> 01:18:31.520
for what they consider was such an offense to them by me and I feel like they offended me too and I'm

1265
01:18:31.520 --> 01:18:40.560
working really hard to to push through that and to forgive and so I feel I feel I don't know if

1266
01:18:40.560 --> 01:18:45.600
annoyed is the right word but I'm like I almost feel like how come I have to do it and they don't

1267
01:18:45.600 --> 01:18:55.120
how come I have to to forgive and and and they don't see the hypocrisy of their own behavior

1268
01:18:55.120 --> 01:19:00.400
you know and I know it's not my place to be like y'all are hypocrites I know that's not the right

1269
01:19:00.400 --> 01:19:07.840
way forward I guess I'm just trying to figure out do I even say like look I love you I've already

1270
01:19:07.840 --> 01:19:14.400
said that I've already asked for forgiveness I gotta say I just forgive y'all and like bless and

1271
01:19:14.400 --> 01:19:21.200
block in the way that we do with dating or do I just quietly just let it be because I can't you

1272
01:19:21.200 --> 01:19:26.720
know I'm in that struggle right now with like say your piece in like a gracious and loving way or

1273
01:19:26.720 --> 01:19:33.360
just let it go man because it's it's really painful it's really painful because you know this

1274
01:19:33.360 --> 01:19:39.120
is this is your family this is like my sister it's I've already grieved the loss of the relationship

1275
01:19:39.120 --> 01:19:49.360
but it's about like is this something that I try to repair or just let it go yeah so so this is

1276
01:19:49.360 --> 01:19:55.920
really good and so the first question I want to ask you did they tell you they wanted to enter

1277
01:19:55.920 --> 01:19:59.600
into a restorative circle process or restorative process with you

1278
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:06.080
No. Okay. So that's one thing I want you to hold in mind. They never signed up to restore.

1279
01:20:06.800 --> 01:20:12.640
Okay. So this idea that I'm doing, but they're not, they never told you they wanted to be a

1280
01:20:12.640 --> 01:20:14.640
part of this process. True.

1281
01:20:15.520 --> 01:20:23.120
Right. The second thing that I want to share with you is that people grow in different areas

1282
01:20:23.120 --> 01:20:29.760
at different times and when they're hungry for growth. So this concept that because they are

1283
01:20:29.760 --> 01:20:36.560
pastors, they should be this also. Paul says, this is my prayer for you, that you will prosper,

1284
01:20:36.560 --> 01:20:42.560
even as your soul prospers. So soul is the place where we have traumas and wounds and hurts. And

1285
01:20:42.560 --> 01:20:48.560
he says, I want your soul to prosper because when your soul prospers, you will prosper.

1286
01:20:48.560 --> 01:20:55.840
And it's very possible that we come into a servant leader position as pastors, as teachers,

1287
01:20:55.840 --> 01:21:03.040
as prophets, and we've not had some soul wounds dealt with. Okay. It doesn't make us not righteous.

1288
01:21:03.040 --> 01:21:07.520
It doesn't make us because the Bible says he who knew no sin became seeing that we may be the

1289
01:21:07.520 --> 01:21:11.760
righteousness of God. They're not righteous by their ex. They're righteous by the blood of Jesus

1290
01:21:11.760 --> 01:21:18.080
Christ. They're forgiven by the blood of Jesus Christ. And so then you have to see them rightly

1291
01:21:18.160 --> 01:21:24.320
in order to see them rightly. I know I said it twice, but I want you to see them rightly,

1292
01:21:24.320 --> 01:21:30.400
that they don't have the ability or they're choosing not to operate in this level that

1293
01:21:30.400 --> 01:21:34.480
you're operating on because you've gotten the healing, you've gotten the knowledge,

1294
01:21:34.480 --> 01:21:39.520
you've gotten the revelation. So you're operating out of it. But just because they're leaders don't

1295
01:21:39.520 --> 01:21:45.840
mean they carry that. Yes. They don't have the tools. They're not equipped because if they did,

1296
01:21:46.560 --> 01:21:53.280
they will be able to operate in that way because then they will have understanding. Right. And then

1297
01:21:53.280 --> 01:22:03.200
so I don't believe that they're hypocrites. You have to see them as people who have not grown,

1298
01:22:03.200 --> 01:22:11.680
who are not aware because of their own soul wounds. That's who they are. When you see somebody

1299
01:22:11.680 --> 01:22:19.200
rightly, you actually can pray and have a grace for them to be who they are and release them into

1300
01:22:19.200 --> 01:22:25.920
that space and pray for their development. Because if it's showing up with you, it's showing up in

1301
01:22:25.920 --> 01:22:30.320
other areas of their life. The reason why I'm taking time to explain this because it is your

1302
01:22:30.320 --> 01:22:36.160
sister, it is, you do love them. They are your family. And the sooner you can see them in

1303
01:22:36.160 --> 01:22:44.000
perspective, it will even bring healing to your own soul. When you recognize, it's kind of like

1304
01:22:44.000 --> 01:22:48.800
when a child do something you like, but they're a child. All of a sudden, the thing they did,

1305
01:22:48.800 --> 01:22:52.080
if an adult did it to be totally different, but you recognize that they're a child, you'd be like,

1306
01:22:52.080 --> 01:22:56.480
they don't know any better. And then it's like, yeah, I know they, I know they stained it, but

1307
01:22:56.480 --> 01:23:01.840
they didn't try. They didn't. Yeah, I can accept that. I think it's just the defensiveness perhaps

1308
01:23:01.840 --> 01:23:10.960
that comes in because they expect me to like, oh, but you this and you that. And it's just like,

1309
01:23:10.960 --> 01:23:16.640
but no, you guys don't do it either. So let me finish with what you're still, what,

1310
01:23:16.640 --> 01:23:22.720
what to kind of fully answer you, but those things need to be in place so that you can release.

1311
01:23:23.280 --> 01:23:28.880
And out of your own volition, out of what springs up in you, you can reach out and call and say,

1312
01:23:28.880 --> 01:23:34.160
hey, just checking on y'all, thought about you. It could be two months later. Hey, just checking

1313
01:23:34.160 --> 01:23:40.480
on y'all, just thought about you. That means I don't not expect anything from you. When I feel

1314
01:23:40.480 --> 01:23:46.800
that love in my heart for you, I reach out and check on you. If you, so, cause if you put them

1315
01:23:46.800 --> 01:23:52.160
in that perspective, you will realize you're doing this, but they're not even in a position to

1316
01:23:52.160 --> 01:23:57.200
receive and take back what you're giving as a restorative process, because they're not even

1317
01:23:57.200 --> 01:24:04.000
involved in the restoration. Yes. And now you're free, Stephanie, to show up as you. The reason why

1318
01:24:04.720 --> 01:24:10.400
I'm going to tell you that I, I was, you know how people say I, um, I used to be, uh, I'm a

1319
01:24:10.400 --> 01:24:16.000
recovering, I work so that people will give back to me. I did the same thing with my sister and her

1320
01:24:16.000 --> 01:24:21.840
family. Everything I did for her, I didn't know it was so that I could be loved. And the more you do

1321
01:24:21.840 --> 01:24:25.920
that with the person, it's almost like for lack of better words, the more they push you away,

1322
01:24:26.000 --> 01:24:31.200
the more they despise you because it's the nature of what we're doing. It's the nature of it that

1323
01:24:31.200 --> 01:24:37.200
turns it back on us that way. So people can't genuinely bring you in because you're working for

1324
01:24:37.200 --> 01:24:41.360
them to love you and for it to be a part of their life. And so you keep working, you keep working,

1325
01:24:41.360 --> 01:24:46.640
you're working. It's like, wait a minute. What about me? You ain't doing this for me, but it

1326
01:24:46.640 --> 01:24:53.120
flips on you. And I had a very long journey in that process in my life. And so I understand

1327
01:24:53.120 --> 01:24:57.920
exactly where you're coming from and exactly where you've been in that sense, because that was

1328
01:24:57.920 --> 01:24:59.840
the definition of me.

1329
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.820
and so you are released but you're released to show up as you how you want

1330
01:25:05.820 --> 01:25:09.600
to show up because when you get to show up as Stephanie they never have to give

1331
01:25:09.600 --> 01:25:14.000
anything back in return because you're reaching out to fulfill what was in you

1332
01:25:14.000 --> 01:25:20.240
okay right and there's nothing else old and prayerfully one day they will mature

1333
01:25:20.240 --> 01:25:29.120
and grow in the area okay yeah so I just don't that's it okay

1334
01:25:29.120 --> 01:25:35.880
be free I like that that's good that helps me and if you ever had to have a

1335
01:25:35.880 --> 01:25:38.920
conversation with them and I don't know if you had this kind of conversation

1336
01:25:38.920 --> 01:25:43.480
before if you ever had to have a vulnerable conversation you could say I

1337
01:25:43.480 --> 01:25:48.960
really wanted us to go back to where we were but I understand that you guys have

1338
01:25:48.960 --> 01:25:54.520
life and you have things going on and that's just the way it is right now it

1339
01:25:54.520 --> 01:26:03.480
grieves me because of the rejection part you know it hurts it grieves you can

1340
01:26:03.480 --> 01:26:09.360
tell him it grieves my heart but I can I can accept this and I can accept our new

1341
01:26:09.360 --> 01:26:13.840
form of relationship one of the things I had to do with my sister because we were

1342
01:26:13.840 --> 01:26:19.560
so codependent even growing up is we stopped being friends so that we can

1343
01:26:19.560 --> 01:26:26.320
choose each other again hmm I had to see and it was it was so scary because I

1344
01:26:26.320 --> 01:26:29.440
dealt with a lot of self-worth issues and I was for sure that she wouldn't

1345
01:26:29.440 --> 01:26:34.680
choose me again mm-hmm I was like she's not gonna choose me and I'm like I ain't

1346
01:26:34.680 --> 01:26:38.480
gonna choose her either like that was my defense that was my way of saying you

1347
01:26:38.480 --> 01:26:44.400
know but she had to choose me it was scary but it was so freeing because now

1348
01:26:44.400 --> 01:26:49.520
I had the choice to choose her I got to evaluate her and say is this the friend

1349
01:26:49.520 --> 01:26:53.440
that I want you see we when we're in these positions we believe it's all

1350
01:26:53.440 --> 01:26:58.400
about if somebody picks us but what about my choice somebody picking me and

1351
01:26:58.400 --> 01:27:04.640
choosing me comes from most of the times a heart wound so where someone's

1352
01:27:04.640 --> 01:27:08.920
rejecting you where someone is not chosen you but you forget you get a

1353
01:27:08.920 --> 01:27:15.120
choice too yeah I just had a revelation in what you said because what I what I

1354
01:27:15.120 --> 01:27:20.080
identify is that I'm afraid that later they'll say well you're the one who

1355
01:27:20.080 --> 01:27:24.520
pulled away and you're the one who did so I'm like functioning in this let me

1356
01:27:24.520 --> 01:27:29.000
show you that I'm putting in an effort let me show you that I tried let me show

1357
01:27:29.000 --> 01:27:35.560
you and again I it was I heard it it's like I I had this false belief I used to

1358
01:27:35.560 --> 01:27:38.800
believe the lie that it was my fault that I didn't have the relationships in

1359
01:27:38.800 --> 01:27:43.040
my life that I that I wanted that I was to blame that I didn't have maybe the

1360
01:27:43.040 --> 01:27:46.320
friendships or the family relationships or the romantic relationships that I

1361
01:27:46.320 --> 01:27:50.480
wanted and so that's why I worked so hard to be like let me prove to you that

1362
01:27:50.480 --> 01:27:55.040
I'm doing everything that I can to be available to you and to be loving to you

1363
01:27:55.040 --> 01:28:00.000
and to work on this relationship and to restore because I'm afraid that that

1364
01:28:00.000 --> 01:28:05.960
would be true that it's my that I'm to blame right and so I heard it identify

1365
01:28:05.960 --> 01:28:09.920
it came like you're afraid of this because you think you're to blame and

1366
01:28:09.920 --> 01:28:14.600
I'm I'm rejecting I'm rejecting that so thank you yeah you're welcome and then

1367
01:28:14.600 --> 01:28:19.080
while you reject that I want you to replace it with the truth because in the

1368
01:28:19.080 --> 01:28:24.640
spirit in the spirit there's no empty spaces something's gonna feel it and so

1369
01:28:24.640 --> 01:28:27.560
if I take out something and it's so interesting I don't think you've been on

1370
01:28:27.560 --> 01:28:32.040
the call but this is what we worked on today the lies that hide in our heart

1371
01:28:32.040 --> 01:28:37.320
yes affect our confidence and always our insecurities but you replace that with

1372
01:28:37.320 --> 01:28:41.400
heaven's truth and so then the next step would be God what is your truth about me

1373
01:28:41.400 --> 01:28:46.080
yes what is your truth and feel it there because it's gonna keep coming back up

1374
01:28:46.080 --> 01:28:50.560
until this new identity is solidified in you you just don't hear it one time and

1375
01:28:50.560 --> 01:28:54.280
run with it it just doesn't work that way because something built that lie

1376
01:28:54.280 --> 01:29:00.080
within you over time over and over same way it did for me and you know it takes

1377
01:29:00.080 --> 01:29:04.680
some time to come into the newness but the newness is for sure there and I'm so

1378
01:29:04.680 --> 01:29:11.920
excited that you don't have to prove yourself anymore and yeah what happens

1379
01:29:11.920 --> 01:29:17.720
is when we operate in truth freedom comes and it attracts the best there's

1380
01:29:17.720 --> 01:29:22.280
when you get that piece like you just got and you put in the truth then all of

1381
01:29:22.280 --> 01:29:26.120
a sudden you start attracting people to your life because now you're not

1382
01:29:26.120 --> 01:29:30.480
believing that you push people away or that people don't want you you are you

1383
01:29:30.480 --> 01:29:34.800
come in a confidence that you know people like you because you like you you

1384
01:29:34.800 --> 01:29:38.080
want to be around you and it's so interesting how that works so I'm

1385
01:29:38.080 --> 01:29:41.880
excited for you thank you very much you're welcome

1386
01:29:41.880 --> 01:29:48.800
hey Laurie and ladies you guys are free to uh to leave the session please don't

1387
01:29:48.800 --> 01:29:56.120
feel like you have to stay on the line hey we're usually over at 115 in this

1388
01:29:56.120 --> 01:30:01.800
session kind of thing what I do for 8 o'clock we'll go here Laurie

1389
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.960
I took more time teaching today because we needed it and so I just want you to know that you're free anytime

1390
01:30:08.560 --> 01:30:13.880
Okay, so I'm still talking with still connecting with Todd

1391
01:30:14.800 --> 01:30:22.640
Yeah, and I have another date lined up for this Saturday. I have with a different person

1392
01:30:23.720 --> 01:30:25.240
and

1393
01:30:25.240 --> 01:30:29.720
Could pick up with another person that's right at the stage where we've already talked about

1394
01:30:30.360 --> 01:30:34.200
Going out on a date, but that kind of dropped off a little bit over the holidays

1395
01:30:34.200 --> 01:30:40.280
so that's kind of big picture, but so Todd and I have gone out three times and

1396
01:30:42.520 --> 01:30:47.840
We went out on Friday and then we met again on Sunday for brunch and

1397
01:30:49.520 --> 01:30:51.840
My overall experience is just

1398
01:30:51.840 --> 01:30:56.160
Completely delightful. It's all so secure and

1399
01:30:57.840 --> 01:30:59.840
Appropriate really boundaried

1400
01:31:02.400 --> 01:31:07.480
Yeah, just very inspiring he's an architect and I love design so

1401
01:31:09.000 --> 01:31:11.000
We ended up so I

1402
01:31:14.120 --> 01:31:19.720
Feel aware that I or I think I am breaking some of the rules and

1403
01:31:20.440 --> 01:31:22.440
So

1404
01:31:24.160 --> 01:31:26.480
What rules okay, well, here we go

1405
01:31:28.560 --> 01:31:34.680
We we stayed out till after dinner like we ended up spending the whole day together on Sunday

1406
01:31:35.560 --> 01:31:42.400
We went it was raining. So we took a drive out by the lake and we looked at really great modern houses and

1407
01:31:43.000 --> 01:31:45.000
then went to a

1408
01:31:45.000 --> 01:31:48.440
art gallery and a kitchen store and

1409
01:31:49.720 --> 01:31:57.400
Like just had coffee and because we were gonna go out and walk on the bluff over Lake, Michigan

1410
01:31:57.400 --> 01:31:59.120
But it was raining and cold

1411
01:31:59.120 --> 01:32:05.040
So and he just he just said well, I could take you back or so I did went in his car with him

1412
01:32:06.560 --> 01:32:10.480
But there was just zero sense of question in my mind

1413
01:32:11.480 --> 01:32:14.680
other than thinking it's too early and

1414
01:32:15.200 --> 01:32:17.200
And

1415
01:32:18.240 --> 01:32:20.360
Because it's been two and a half weeks now

1416
01:32:21.640 --> 01:32:22.760
and

1417
01:32:22.760 --> 01:32:29.240
Then but he's we've hugged had a and it wasn't even a long hug. We hug at the end of our

1418
01:32:29.920 --> 01:32:31.640
meeting and

1419
01:32:31.640 --> 01:32:34.120
Other than that, there's been nothing physical

1420
01:32:35.240 --> 01:32:36.480
and

1421
01:32:36.480 --> 01:32:42.420
So it just he brought me a gift. He brought me a little Scandinavian glass teacup on our

1422
01:32:43.380 --> 01:32:50.940
On our second date and I just thought because he knows I like Scandinavian design and you know, it's just simple it wasn't like

1423
01:32:51.620 --> 01:32:59.660
Way too much or it just felt he's like, oh, I know you like Scandinavian design thought you was out taking a

1424
01:33:00.380 --> 01:33:02.820
Gift to a client thought you might like this

1425
01:33:05.020 --> 01:33:10.180
Just you know more thinking of you and I'm listening sort of a feeling

1426
01:33:10.620 --> 01:33:18.540
But it's like he like I love the mug so it was like so it was just like I don't feel like

1427
01:33:20.340 --> 01:33:27.500
People have bought gifts before and it's been something that I cared about and this was just I loved little things and it was a

1428
01:33:27.500 --> 01:33:29.500
little thing

1429
01:33:29.660 --> 01:33:34.740
But anyway, yeah, then just I mean just honestly had such great we didn't really talk about

1430
01:33:35.780 --> 01:33:37.780
like anything

1431
01:33:38.140 --> 01:33:40.140
personal on

1432
01:33:40.580 --> 01:33:42.580
Sunday was just

1433
01:33:42.620 --> 01:33:43.820
inspiring

1434
01:33:43.820 --> 01:33:48.140
Conversation around design and just hanging out really? Yeah

1435
01:33:48.660 --> 01:33:54.940
And then we came back to Holland separately and went out to dinner and again, just great

1436
01:33:58.060 --> 01:34:04.820
So there did we had a couple drinks the two times last time we didn't have any drinks so that was really nice

1437
01:34:05.220 --> 01:34:11.380
He did he did ask me if I was if my long-term goal was marriage on the second day

1438
01:34:12.340 --> 01:34:14.340
Just it was a high-level question

1439
01:34:15.340 --> 01:34:18.860
And we'd had a couple of drinks and I said I'm marriage minded

1440
01:34:20.260 --> 01:34:28.660
And that was it. He has been divorced for a couple of years. So and I'm the first person that he's I

1441
01:34:28.660 --> 01:34:33.180
Guess dated in the sense of has felt like it would go anywhere

1442
01:34:34.260 --> 01:34:38.700
He's gone out on dates, but he hasn't had a relationship. I guess I should say

1443
01:34:39.420 --> 01:34:46.100
Yeah, and he did there was a moment of insecurity and in his in his talking about like

1444
01:34:48.180 --> 01:34:53.180
Like when his wrist, you know because he brought it up I asked the same are are you

1445
01:34:54.660 --> 01:34:56.660
You know, how does that feel?

1446
01:34:56.660 --> 01:34:59.660
You know, how does that are you

1447
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:01.200
Do you resonate with that?

1448
01:35:01.200 --> 01:35:02.920
Or what's your goal in this space?

1449
01:35:02.920 --> 01:35:11.160
And, and he's, he's definitely like, he, there was definitely a vibe of him

1450
01:35:11.160 --> 01:35:16.080
needing to think about it and he came out and he says, you know, I, I guess I

1451
01:35:16.080 --> 01:35:25.000
want that, but I just don't want to get divorced again and, and so, um, yeah.

1452
01:35:25.720 --> 01:35:28.760
So, I mean, I felt like that was, that was honest.

1453
01:35:29.360 --> 01:35:33.560
Um, but it's also something that I need to be aware of that.

1454
01:35:33.560 --> 01:35:35.880
He's not like, absolutely.

1455
01:35:37.280 --> 01:35:39.960
Um, he's like, I just don't want it to happen again.

1456
01:35:39.960 --> 01:35:43.520
And I need to know the person that I'm with would fight for it.

1457
01:35:45.120 --> 01:35:47.440
So I liked his answer.

1458
01:35:48.320 --> 01:35:52.880
Um, there was something else that he said that came up and I said, do you feel.

1459
01:35:55.320 --> 01:35:57.560
Because of what he said, I asked, do you feel healed?

1460
01:35:57.880 --> 01:36:03.760
Or maybe the way you said it, do you feel healed and ready to be in this, you

1461
01:36:03.760 --> 01:36:08.120
know, in the dating space, and he did say no.

1462
01:36:08.880 --> 01:36:11.080
And so I have to be mindful of that.

1463
01:36:11.120 --> 01:36:17.080
But my experience of him is not unhealed at all.

1464
01:36:17.120 --> 01:36:19.080
Like he feels very secure.

1465
01:36:19.080 --> 01:36:25.400
He feels very, um, like he doesn't need me if that makes sense.

1466
01:36:25.920 --> 01:36:28.320
Um, but I do need to take him at his word.

1467
01:36:29.440 --> 01:36:36.040
Um, I also thought later, like if somebody asked me and I was having a

1468
01:36:36.040 --> 01:36:42.920
vulnerable moment, there are times when I don't feel healed, you know, and it's

1469
01:36:42.920 --> 01:36:49.960
not a hundred percent, all or nothing black and white, um, but he felt he

1470
01:36:50.880 --> 01:36:52.160
experienced betrayal.

1471
01:36:53.880 --> 01:37:02.200
Um, so I feel, and we definitely have a very soulful connection.

1472
01:37:03.240 --> 01:37:11.080
Um, so I, um, he reached out the day after and we didn't talk about it at all.

1473
01:37:11.080 --> 01:37:17.560
The third, like on Sunday, um, I didn't really want to go back into that space.

1474
01:37:18.560 --> 01:37:20.120
Cause it's early.

1475
01:37:20.960 --> 01:37:21.320
Right.

1476
01:37:21.480 --> 01:37:24.280
Um, but he did invite me.

1477
01:37:24.320 --> 01:37:24.880
He did.

1478
01:37:24.920 --> 01:37:28.680
He kind of lays out as he's very intentional about meeting.

1479
01:37:28.680 --> 01:37:33.720
He laid out his, he's like, I'm really enjoying getting, learning about you,

1480
01:37:34.440 --> 01:37:37.840
getting to know you and would love to continue.

1481
01:37:37.880 --> 01:37:42.360
Like, that's kind of his thing that he says that the day after we go out, um,

1482
01:37:42.360 --> 01:37:46.680
or even like has invited me out on a second date, but there's always this

1483
01:37:46.840 --> 01:37:49.760
sense of, I know where we're at.

1484
01:37:51.200 --> 01:37:59.200
Um, and there's also a sense of release in my heart that if this didn't work,

1485
01:38:00.440 --> 01:38:07.520
I would be sad, but I don't feel attached or, um, crazy inside.

1486
01:38:07.920 --> 01:38:11.320
My thoughts about him are just like, I'm just really enjoying this.

1487
01:38:11.720 --> 01:38:15.080
Um, I am going, so this is, this is the rule thing.

1488
01:38:15.080 --> 01:38:17.760
I am going to dinner this evening.

1489
01:38:18.680 --> 01:38:21.000
Um, so it's two and a half weeks.

1490
01:38:21.000 --> 01:38:27.080
So I feel like I'm breaking a rule, but I also feel like I have, I feel I trust

1491
01:38:27.080 --> 01:38:32.880
myself, but I did reach out and said, I like this, we were going to, um, you

1492
01:38:32.880 --> 01:38:36.920
know, we've just gone out, it's been a lot of eating out and, and I just really

1493
01:38:36.920 --> 01:38:40.560
sat with my heart when he, he asked me to come this evening, cause we were

1494
01:38:40.560 --> 01:38:45.560
going to go to a light show, like at a garden place over in Grand Rapids.

1495
01:38:45.960 --> 01:38:47.840
And it's been a equal back and forth.

1496
01:38:48.520 --> 01:38:53.960
He did ask, uh, cause I asked, like, he asked, would you be okay with splitting?

1497
01:38:53.960 --> 01:38:59.080
So we've split everything except for, he did buy one round of drinks and he

1498
01:38:59.080 --> 01:39:03.400
did pay for the first date, but he did bring up splitting at that date.

1499
01:39:03.400 --> 01:39:06.200
And I shared all that in my, in my posts.

1500
01:39:06.440 --> 01:39:07.960
I don't feel like I need to go back into that.

1501
01:39:07.960 --> 01:39:13.760
It's actually been a really great space for me to be like, um, this is actually

1502
01:39:13.760 --> 01:39:15.880
really good because I've had money mindset.

1503
01:39:15.880 --> 01:39:20.000
So it's good that this is coming up and it's giving me the opportunity to say.

1504
01:39:20.840 --> 01:39:26.520
I would absolutely choose to invest in this, but I did bring up just at a high

1505
01:39:26.520 --> 01:39:29.320
level, I can pull up my messages.

1506
01:39:29.320 --> 01:39:30.760
Laura, what was the other rule?

1507
01:39:30.760 --> 01:39:33.880
You, you say you broke another rule cause you're going to dinner tonight,

1508
01:39:34.640 --> 01:39:36.880
going to his house and being in his car.

1509
01:39:38.280 --> 01:39:40.440
When did you go to his house tonight?

1510
01:39:40.480 --> 01:39:42.840
I'm going, Oh, okay.

1511
01:39:43.480 --> 01:39:44.360
Why are you doing that?

1512
01:39:46.520 --> 01:39:47.160
What's that?

1513
01:39:47.520 --> 01:39:48.520
Why are you doing that?

1514
01:39:51.120 --> 01:39:54.520
Cause he invited me and I wanted to.

1515
01:39:55.360 --> 01:39:55.960
Thank you.

1516
01:39:56.280 --> 01:39:57.480
All the best to you.

1517
01:39:57.640 --> 01:39:58.160
Thank you.

1518
01:39:58.360 --> 01:39:58.640
Bye.

1519
01:39:59.760 --> 01:40:00.040
Bye.

1520
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.440
Why I don't want to yeah, I sat with myself and I asked that question because I thought do I want to because

1521
01:40:08.160 --> 01:40:15.840
You know, why do I want to and I'm just really honestly for a way our our connection very much feels like

1522
01:40:17.840 --> 01:40:23.880
Friendship at this point like I don't I don't feel I mean do I feel attracted to him?

1523
01:40:23.920 --> 01:40:26.980
Yes, but do I want to get physical? No

1524
01:40:26.980 --> 01:40:28.980
Mm-hmm

1525
01:40:30.460 --> 01:40:32.380
Honestly, just I

1526
01:40:32.380 --> 01:40:39.540
Love being in the home. We've been I think you know, we spent Sunday kind of piecing together staying out and

1527
01:40:40.380 --> 01:40:45.260
Going to lots of restaurants and it would be nice to have this experience, but I did reach out to him and I said

1528
01:40:45.860 --> 01:40:49.120
These are all great ideas because it was going out for dinner again

1529
01:40:49.460 --> 01:40:54.660
or to the light thing or both or he invited me over to his place for dinner and

1530
01:40:55.620 --> 01:40:58.620
I just said good morning. These are all great ideas

1531
01:40:59.460 --> 01:41:06.420
It's it is cold outside because it's like 14 degrees. We've eaten. So the light thing is really cold

1532
01:41:06.460 --> 01:41:10.580
We've eaten out a lot and tucking in and cooking sounds lovely

1533
01:41:10.580 --> 01:41:14.740
It feels unnecessary to say this as I've appreciated the way you've led

1534
01:41:14.740 --> 01:41:18.780
I would need a boundary with physical things as I'd like to get to know you better

1535
01:41:18.780 --> 01:41:21.980
Is this something you're in alignment with and his answer was?

1536
01:41:22.500 --> 01:41:24.340
Honestly just so

1537
01:41:24.340 --> 01:41:28.740
Honoring and feels aligned with that. Obviously, we didn't spell out everything

1538
01:41:29.580 --> 01:41:32.500
But I said I'm open for a conversation

1539
01:41:32.500 --> 01:41:37.140
But it's also really important to me to have boundaries with emotional connection at this point

1540
01:41:37.820 --> 01:41:41.740
So it would need to be a high-level conversation. He said this all sounds

1541
01:41:42.780 --> 01:41:44.780
perfect to me and

1542
01:41:46.100 --> 01:41:51.340
Yeah, and we'll always honor and we'll always honor your boundaries

1543
01:41:52.220 --> 01:41:53.700
Okay

1544
01:41:53.700 --> 01:42:01.700
Okay, so nothing spelled out, but I feel like I trust myself because I I asked myself. Am I strong enough to be in this?

1545
01:42:03.940 --> 01:42:05.940
We're not drinking

1546
01:42:07.540 --> 01:42:09.540
At least I'm not

1547
01:42:11.900 --> 01:42:13.900
Yeah

1548
01:42:14.340 --> 01:42:16.340
But

1549
01:42:16.660 --> 01:42:19.300
Yeah, I mean there is a risk for sure and

1550
01:42:19.940 --> 01:42:25.100
I've got a couple girlfriends that I'm like, hey, would you be willing to be?

1551
01:42:27.460 --> 01:42:31.380
Account help, you know me to be accountable with you on this

1552
01:42:31.380 --> 01:42:38.220
it's basically me setting my boundary and intention and and then coming out the other side and saying I I

1553
01:42:38.460 --> 01:42:40.060
Lift by that

1554
01:42:40.060 --> 01:42:42.060
Yeah

1555
01:42:42.700 --> 01:42:44.700
So I

1556
01:42:44.740 --> 01:42:50.780
Am happy that you are talking to someone that you can fully express yourself

1557
01:42:51.780 --> 01:42:54.340
It's been a long time coming. Yeah

1558
01:42:54.860 --> 01:43:00.140
Agree on that. Yeah, I like the peace that you have within yourself

1559
01:43:00.420 --> 01:43:04.740
Yeah, I'm happy for you for that. Yeah now I

1560
01:43:05.580 --> 01:43:11.420
Wouldn't be a very wise coach if I didn't coach you according to wisdom. Oh, yeah, so

1561
01:43:12.580 --> 01:43:14.580
there's a level of

1562
01:43:14.620 --> 01:43:17.180
growth that happens within us and

1563
01:43:17.980 --> 01:43:20.700
we feel comfortable with ourselves and

1564
01:43:21.500 --> 01:43:23.500
Then there's wisdom

1565
01:43:24.180 --> 01:43:29.980
Wisdom even in no matter how much we've grown we submit ourselves to the order of wisdom

1566
01:43:29.980 --> 01:43:32.300
I that thought definitely crossed my mind

1567
01:43:32.820 --> 01:43:39.740
The order of wisdom says I don't go into a man's house that I don't know because I feel peaceful around him

1568
01:43:40.260 --> 01:43:44.740
Because wisdom tells me I do not know him

1569
01:43:44.740 --> 01:43:50.220
I don't know how much it feels that I know him and this is for everyone to know

1570
01:43:50.220 --> 01:43:53.740
I don't it doesn't matter what you feel

1571
01:43:53.940 --> 01:43:59.220
You have to put an order in your life that causes you to submit and I'm gonna give you an example

1572
01:43:59.220 --> 01:44:04.700
I can change plans. No, no, but this is not like getting on to you Lord. This is another level

1573
01:44:05.060 --> 01:44:07.060
I don't

1574
01:44:07.180 --> 01:44:09.180
But I'm not

1575
01:44:09.580 --> 01:44:11.580
Let me finish this

1576
01:44:11.580 --> 01:44:16.220
I'm not asking you to change. I'm just sharing for this is just a coachable thing

1577
01:44:16.220 --> 01:44:22.980
Yeah, I was dating this guy getting to know him. I mean, I felt very comfortable with him. He was amazing and

1578
01:44:23.940 --> 01:44:25.940
He wanted to pick me up

1579
01:44:26.100 --> 01:44:31.420
He was like when you're tired from work and I'll just pick you up and I'm telling you I'm my own coach in my head

1580
01:44:31.420 --> 01:44:36.100
Right. So the coach is in my head and I'm like just let him pick you up

1581
01:44:36.100 --> 01:44:41.820
You know, you're tired and we like on week two, you know, you're really tired and he ain't gonna do nothing

1582
01:44:41.820 --> 01:44:48.140
He good people like he was a worship leader at the church. Oh, yeah. No, I thought yeah

1583
01:44:48.140 --> 01:44:53.380
I know but the coach in my head said you don't know him

1584
01:44:53.380 --> 01:44:59.420
Yeah, I caused myself to submit to wisdom and it didn't matter how I felt

1585
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:05.000
because there are levels that you grow in.

1586
01:45:05.920 --> 01:45:08.560
And Laura has, she, you know,

1587
01:45:08.560 --> 01:45:10.600
when you work and you grow and you become,

1588
01:45:10.600 --> 01:45:12.700
there's a different level that operates within you.

1589
01:45:12.700 --> 01:45:14.580
This is a true thing.

1590
01:45:14.580 --> 01:45:17.440
Even when that level operates within me,

1591
01:45:17.440 --> 01:45:20.280
I still come under the order of wisdom.

1592
01:45:20.280 --> 01:45:21.800
Has nothing to do with fear,

1593
01:45:21.800 --> 01:45:23.000
has nothing to do with anything,

1594
01:45:23.000 --> 01:45:25.880
but wisdom tells me to submit to wisdom.

1595
01:45:25.880 --> 01:45:27.640
Does that make sense?

1596
01:45:27.640 --> 01:45:31.360
And I don't, I know what's on my mind,

1597
01:45:31.360 --> 01:45:33.720
but until I've spent enough time with a person

1598
01:45:33.720 --> 01:45:35.160
to see their fruits through and through,

1599
01:45:35.160 --> 01:45:37.560
I don't know exactly what's on their mind.

1600
01:45:37.560 --> 01:45:38.920
Yeah.

1601
01:45:38.920 --> 01:45:43.920
Laurie, I don't, I don't encourage you to go to his home

1602
01:45:44.360 --> 01:45:46.040
because I don't, I don't,

1603
01:45:48.240 --> 01:45:50.000
I just don't think there's wisdom.

1604
01:45:50.000 --> 01:45:53.760
And, and then personally, I want to snatch you and say,

1605
01:45:53.760 --> 01:45:55.720
no, no, I don't want you to go there.

1606
01:45:55.720 --> 01:45:58.280
No, no, I don't want you to.

1607
01:45:58.280 --> 01:45:59.400
Well, you know what, it's,

1608
01:45:59.400 --> 01:46:03.080
I feel brave for being really honest when like,

1609
01:46:03.080 --> 01:46:05.100
I'm like, oh, look what I'm doing.

1610
01:46:06.560 --> 01:46:07.760
Oh boy.

1611
01:46:07.760 --> 01:46:10.320
I know, that's what I do with,

1612
01:46:10.320 --> 01:46:13.040
even if I were to call Carla as a coach or my sister,

1613
01:46:13.040 --> 01:46:14.600
I'm like, look, this is what I'm doing.

1614
01:46:14.600 --> 01:46:15.440
This is why I'm doing it.

1615
01:46:15.440 --> 01:46:17.200
This is on my mind.

1616
01:46:17.200 --> 01:46:18.960
If you're going to say something, please say it now,

1617
01:46:18.960 --> 01:46:20.200
because this is what I'm doing.

1618
01:46:20.200 --> 01:46:21.640
I feel real sure about what I'm doing.

1619
01:46:21.640 --> 01:46:22.840
Like literally, that's why I say,

1620
01:46:22.840 --> 01:46:24.520
I'm sure about what I'm doing.

1621
01:46:24.560 --> 01:46:26.120
And they're like, well,

1622
01:46:26.120 --> 01:46:29.320
the reason why this is not going to be A, B, C, D

1623
01:46:29.320 --> 01:46:30.680
is because of A, B, C, D.

1624
01:46:30.680 --> 01:46:34.000
And I'd be like, yeah, you're right, you're right.

1625
01:46:34.000 --> 01:46:34.840
I'll fix it.

1626
01:46:34.840 --> 01:46:35.660
I'll fix it.

1627
01:46:35.660 --> 01:46:36.500
I'll fix it.

1628
01:46:36.500 --> 01:46:39.440
I mean, that's how I am, but it is not,

1629
01:46:39.440 --> 01:46:40.560
it's not wisdom.

1630
01:46:41.440 --> 01:46:43.240
No matter how sure we are of ourselves

1631
01:46:43.240 --> 01:46:44.800
and how we feel about a person,

1632
01:46:44.800 --> 01:46:46.720
when you don't know them, you just don't know them

1633
01:46:46.720 --> 01:46:49.800
and you haven't had enough time to know him.

1634
01:46:49.800 --> 01:46:51.440
And Laura, I'm going to tell you another thing.

1635
01:46:52.160 --> 01:46:55.040
I want you to be very sure of with him

1636
01:46:55.040 --> 01:46:58.640
because at this point, he hasn't invested much

1637
01:46:58.640 --> 01:47:01.160
because you are splitting bills with him.

1638
01:47:01.160 --> 01:47:03.640
And this is what I see.

1639
01:47:03.640 --> 01:47:05.040
I don't see anything bad.

1640
01:47:05.040 --> 01:47:06.760
I'm just telling you, this is what I see.

1641
01:47:06.760 --> 01:47:10.260
I see a woman, an eligible woman, as wonderful as you,

1642
01:47:10.260 --> 01:47:12.460
has showed up, a self-aware woman,

1643
01:47:12.460 --> 01:47:14.440
who's splitting everything with him

1644
01:47:14.440 --> 01:47:17.200
and now is coming over to his house.

1645
01:47:17.200 --> 01:47:19.320
And now he has access to all of her.

1646
01:47:19.320 --> 01:47:21.360
He's getting access to all of your wisdom,

1647
01:47:22.280 --> 01:47:23.440
all the good things about you,

1648
01:47:23.440 --> 01:47:26.880
but he has not put anything in.

1649
01:47:26.880 --> 01:47:31.280
He has told you that he's not sure if he's really healed.

1650
01:47:31.280 --> 01:47:33.040
Well, these are some cues to you

1651
01:47:33.040 --> 01:47:35.000
that I'm just looking for friendship.

1652
01:47:37.400 --> 01:47:39.400
Because he hasn't bought in anything

1653
01:47:39.400 --> 01:47:41.680
to tell you something else.

1654
01:47:41.680 --> 01:47:43.920
But because you are now at a different level

1655
01:47:43.920 --> 01:47:45.120
and you're at peace with yourself.

1656
01:47:45.120 --> 01:47:48.240
So I am saying to you, be aware of the,

1657
01:47:48.240 --> 01:47:50.920
I'm painting this for you to see

1658
01:47:51.480 --> 01:47:53.440
so that you can say within yourself,

1659
01:47:53.440 --> 01:47:55.160
you are just a friend.

1660
01:47:55.160 --> 01:47:57.000
You have not shown me anything.

1661
01:47:57.000 --> 01:47:59.100
You've not invested anything.

1662
01:48:00.360 --> 01:48:03.680
And so now, if he is just a friend,

1663
01:48:03.680 --> 01:48:07.360
he has to really, there has to be a strong boundary in you

1664
01:48:07.360 --> 01:48:08.640
that this is just a friend.

1665
01:48:08.640 --> 01:48:12.560
So there's no, he ain't put anything in, Lori.

1666
01:48:12.560 --> 01:48:14.080
No, nothing.

1667
01:48:14.080 --> 01:48:16.640
Y'all put in, he put in time, you put in time.

1668
01:48:16.640 --> 01:48:17.480
But he put in nothing.

1669
01:48:17.480 --> 01:48:18.480
Yeah, I mean, he paid for the first one,

1670
01:48:18.480 --> 01:48:19.800
but if I would have gotten my,

1671
01:48:19.800 --> 01:48:21.200
if she wouldn't have taken it,

1672
01:48:21.200 --> 01:48:24.200
he would have accepted my splitting the first one.

1673
01:48:24.200 --> 01:48:27.040
Oh yeah, because he asked you to split

1674
01:48:27.040 --> 01:48:28.280
from the beginning, right?

1675
01:48:28.280 --> 01:48:29.680
Yeah.

1676
01:48:29.680 --> 01:48:33.840
And so I think that he's keeping it very low stakes

1677
01:48:33.840 --> 01:48:36.960
because like he said, he didn't know.

1678
01:48:36.960 --> 01:48:38.800
I think when a person said, do you feel like you're here?

1679
01:48:38.800 --> 01:48:40.760
Well, no, I don't think so.

1680
01:48:40.760 --> 01:48:43.680
That could be to let you know, like, I think you're great

1681
01:48:43.680 --> 01:48:45.080
and I wanna keep this companionship

1682
01:48:45.080 --> 01:48:47.480
and I want us to keep getting to know each other.

1683
01:48:47.480 --> 01:48:48.320
Yeah.

1684
01:48:48.320 --> 01:48:49.160
I've just told you,

1685
01:48:49.160 --> 01:48:50.920
I don't think I'm here for my marriage.

1686
01:48:50.920 --> 01:48:53.040
This is not to make him out to be an enemy.

1687
01:48:53.040 --> 01:48:57.240
And on the same token, as you get to know him,

1688
01:48:57.240 --> 01:48:59.600
so realize he hadn't put anything in

1689
01:48:59.600 --> 01:49:02.120
for a certain level of you.

1690
01:49:02.120 --> 01:49:05.000
So let's cap you, right?

1691
01:49:05.000 --> 01:49:05.840
Yeah.

1692
01:49:05.840 --> 01:49:07.480
If you're gonna keep company with cap you,

1693
01:49:07.480 --> 01:49:08.760
this is the second thing.

1694
01:49:08.760 --> 01:49:11.200
If he wants a greater investment,

1695
01:49:11.200 --> 01:49:13.640
then he has to verbalize a greater investment

1696
01:49:13.640 --> 01:49:17.480
and show that he's gonna do that through his actions.

1697
01:49:17.480 --> 01:49:18.320
Number two.

1698
01:49:18.320 --> 01:49:20.520
Number three, if he did,

1699
01:49:20.520 --> 01:49:22.400
if y'all did start getting to know each other

1700
01:49:22.400 --> 01:49:24.560
and develop a greater friendship,

1701
01:49:24.560 --> 01:49:29.280
things like the marriage that he had the divorce

1702
01:49:29.280 --> 01:49:31.720
and not being completely healed from it,

1703
01:49:31.720 --> 01:49:35.080
you can always suggest, if y'all got into the third month

1704
01:49:35.080 --> 01:49:36.320
and you have to define a relationship

1705
01:49:36.320 --> 01:49:37.360
and he wants to go exclusive,

1706
01:49:37.360 --> 01:49:40.920
you can say, I am willing to go exclusive with you,

1707
01:49:40.920 --> 01:49:43.520
but I would like for you to go into therapy

1708
01:49:43.520 --> 01:49:45.360
for your divorce.

1709
01:49:45.360 --> 01:49:46.200
Yeah.

1710
01:49:46.200 --> 01:49:51.200
A person doesn't have to be completely healed.

1711
01:49:56.000 --> 01:49:58.440
They have to be masculine, mature and marriage-minded,

1712
01:49:58.440 --> 01:50:00.040
but you are broken.

1713
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:03.360
community, you're healed in community, you're broken in relationship, you can be healed in

1714
01:50:03.360 --> 01:50:08.000
relationship. There has to be a level of foundation there to work with. And then when you say to a

1715
01:50:08.000 --> 01:50:14.640
person, if you want to go further with me, counseling is going to be required. Why am I so

1716
01:50:14.640 --> 01:50:18.320
sure of this? In that last marriage-minded relationship that I was in, that we decided

1717
01:50:18.320 --> 01:50:22.320
to part ways and our community agreed was nothing bad. I don't want to have to keep referencing that,

1718
01:50:22.320 --> 01:50:27.920
but I'm just saying this to you. I told him, I noticed that you've learned love through pleasing.

1719
01:50:28.560 --> 01:50:33.360
I said, in order to go forward with me, I am a woman, I have a therapist, I've had therapists

1720
01:50:33.360 --> 01:50:38.000
for years. In order to move forward with me, you're going to have to get some help for that

1721
01:50:38.000 --> 01:50:44.480
because I am bent toward control. Pleases and controllers get together. I can't have that,

1722
01:50:44.480 --> 01:50:49.920
I'm not living that way. That's why I do what I do for me. He went and got himself in some

1723
01:50:49.920 --> 01:50:55.680
counseling. It wasn't a non-negotiable, it was a suggestion if he wanted to do a healthy life with

1724
01:50:55.680 --> 01:51:01.040
me. He had a choice. I'm telling you it's realistic. Some people be like, ain't nobody

1725
01:51:01.040 --> 01:51:04.320
finna do the work, they ain't finna do it, I need to be with you. Because when you get married,

1726
01:51:04.320 --> 01:51:09.440
you're going to need some help. You see what I'm saying? That is a possibility. I know I'm

1727
01:51:09.440 --> 01:51:13.920
saying a lot, but I just want you to know, this is not a wild side of conversation with you.

1728
01:51:13.920 --> 01:51:19.920
This is an overall wisdom conversation with you. As you all grew, you don't have to be fearful that

1729
01:51:19.920 --> 01:51:24.320
he didn't get healing because there are things that make a person, you can see that they're

1730
01:51:24.320 --> 01:51:29.200
teachable. You can see that they're integrous. You can see that they're vulnerable. You start

1731
01:51:29.200 --> 01:51:35.520
seeing these qualities about them. Then you say, I think you're great, but I could not move forward

1732
01:51:35.520 --> 01:51:40.960
without you getting healing because I know that that man is in there, he's going to show up in my

1733
01:51:40.960 --> 01:51:45.200
I do. I'm going to have to deal with that man if you don't want to deal with that man.

1734
01:51:46.080 --> 01:51:57.280
Okay. This is excellent. I feel like I should postpone going to as much as it sounds

1735
01:51:58.800 --> 01:52:05.120
convenient. Obviously, it's interesting to see where people live and all those things. I love

1736
01:52:05.120 --> 01:52:12.720
wisdom. I'm going to change plans with him for this evening. It's hard for me to say that,

1737
01:52:12.720 --> 01:52:18.720
but I love wisdom. Laura, I'm so happy you changed your plans. I'm happy you received it

1738
01:52:18.720 --> 01:52:27.840
because I was a bit- I know what's right. I forced myself to say all these things.

1739
01:52:29.680 --> 01:52:35.280
We did get into a little bit of text conversation around, he did say that physical intimacy,

1740
01:52:35.280 --> 01:52:39.600
once I get to know somebody is important to me and I said, it's important to me too

1741
01:52:40.560 --> 01:52:56.400
within boundaries. That's it. I am not going this evening to his house and he can have his stakes

1742
01:52:56.400 --> 01:53:04.480
later. He's gone to the butcher, but it's all last minute. I don't feel obligated. I feel obligated

1743
01:53:04.480 --> 01:53:15.840
to myself. I'm allowed to change plans and communicate that with care. I love what you said.

1744
01:53:18.080 --> 01:53:24.800
That's crossing my own boundary. I'm skipping over something that is honor and value.

1745
01:53:28.800 --> 01:53:32.640
I asked myself, is there something about my heart that I'm meeting that I'm not being honest with

1746
01:53:32.640 --> 01:53:43.520
myself about? What would you say is wisdom for going to his house, time-wise?

1747
01:53:44.480 --> 01:53:48.160
Yeah. I'm going to speak to that, but let me speak to another thing. Something that could be happening

1748
01:53:48.160 --> 01:53:53.760
that you're not picking up on is that he carries a heart and passion for the things you carry a

1749
01:53:53.760 --> 01:54:00.000
heart and passion for, and that's architect and art and all of these things. If he designed or

1750
01:54:00.000 --> 01:54:04.880
put anything in his house that is similar to what you guys have looked at, that is more like,

1751
01:54:04.880 --> 01:54:08.720
oh, well, going to your house would be really comfortable. I'm comfortable even in the car with

1752
01:54:08.720 --> 01:54:13.920
you. When you cross the first thing you called a rule is actually a boundary and got in his car,

1753
01:54:13.920 --> 01:54:24.560
it sets you up for the next one to cross. There's a strategy that has to be had within yourself

1754
01:54:25.520 --> 01:54:31.120
that when you cross one, it makes it easier to cross the next and cross the next. That's why

1755
01:54:31.120 --> 01:54:36.480
when the guy kept saying, oh, to me, well, just let me pick you up. I already knew that one boundary

1756
01:54:36.480 --> 01:54:42.160
calls for the next boundary to be crossed. It wasn't for long. He was like, well, I can help

1757
01:54:42.160 --> 01:54:47.440
you out with that. Well, if you just come by my house. I said, no, no, no, no, no. Had I gotten

1758
01:54:47.440 --> 01:54:52.880
in his car, it would have made it easier for me to come by his house. That's just how that's the

1759
01:54:52.880 --> 01:54:59.600
nature of principles or boundaries when they open up. I want to say that to you and that you

1760
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:02.200
so much in common that you felt so comfortable

1761
01:55:02.200 --> 01:55:05.200
and you're confusing comfortability

1762
01:55:05.200 --> 01:55:07.080
with releasing of boundaries.

1763
01:55:07.080 --> 01:55:08.840
Boundaries and comfortability

1764
01:55:08.840 --> 01:55:11.000
don't have anything to do with each other.

1765
01:55:11.000 --> 01:55:14.720
Boundaries is the order that you put yourself in.

1766
01:55:14.720 --> 01:55:17.040
You put yourself under this order

1767
01:55:17.040 --> 01:55:19.120
because you see a bigger picture.

1768
01:55:19.120 --> 01:55:22.920
Yeah, I didn't have the thought of, go ahead.

1769
01:55:22.920 --> 01:55:26.240
And you understand that if you did get

1770
01:55:26.240 --> 01:55:27.720
into a relationship with him,

1771
01:55:27.720 --> 01:55:30.320
you've already come into his personal space,

1772
01:55:30.320 --> 01:55:32.120
which is gonna make it even easier for you

1773
01:55:32.120 --> 01:55:33.720
to come into his personal space.

1774
01:55:33.720 --> 01:55:35.760
And if you decide you do wanna kiss him,

1775
01:55:35.760 --> 01:55:38.080
it's not gonna be long before you're on the couch kissing

1776
01:55:38.080 --> 01:55:40.160
or before you move into the bed kissing.

1777
01:55:40.160 --> 01:55:43.520
And so you have to get ahead of where you're going

1778
01:55:43.520 --> 01:55:46.200
and look at it from a bird's eye view

1779
01:55:46.200 --> 01:55:48.240
of what crossing these levels,

1780
01:55:48.240 --> 01:55:50.920
this and now is gonna cost you

1781
01:55:50.920 --> 01:55:53.120
and how much further it's gonna progress you.

1782
01:55:53.120 --> 01:55:55.640
Going to his house is gonna speed up things

1783
01:55:55.640 --> 01:55:58.680
because you've come into a very personal space.

1784
01:55:58.680 --> 01:56:00.000
Yeah.

1785
01:56:00.000 --> 01:56:05.000
And so that's how I do bird's eye view.

1786
01:56:07.000 --> 01:56:10.200
I go ahead and understand why I put myself

1787
01:56:10.200 --> 01:56:15.200
under a certain order so that I can help me out later.

1788
01:56:15.640 --> 01:56:19.240
So a timeline for when you wanna go into a person's home

1789
01:56:19.240 --> 01:56:23.000
is probably when you go exclusive with a person.

1790
01:56:23.000 --> 01:56:23.840
Okay.

1791
01:56:23.840 --> 01:56:25.840
Because now you wanna know how they live.

1792
01:56:25.840 --> 01:56:28.200
Now you wanna like, now it's time.

1793
01:56:28.200 --> 01:56:30.200
You know, Jackie talks about this.

1794
01:56:30.200 --> 01:56:32.760
I can't imagine going exclusive

1795
01:56:32.760 --> 01:56:34.800
and not seeing where they live.

1796
01:56:34.800 --> 01:56:38.360
Well, so if you were, we say exclusive if you can,

1797
01:56:38.360 --> 01:56:41.760
if you can in 90 days, so in three months,

1798
01:56:41.760 --> 01:56:44.600
but no less than two months, no less than two months.

1799
01:56:44.600 --> 01:56:47.480
And this is what Jackie teaches, no less than two months.

1800
01:56:47.480 --> 01:56:50.560
How many dates you've gone on in between times,

1801
01:56:50.560 --> 01:56:52.640
that counts too.

1802
01:56:52.840 --> 01:56:54.600
So it can't always be cut and drag

1803
01:56:54.600 --> 01:56:58.080
because if y'all been going out on a date every week,

1804
01:56:58.080 --> 01:57:00.480
okay, so then that two months looks different

1805
01:57:00.480 --> 01:57:02.960
than another two months, right?

1806
01:57:02.960 --> 01:57:06.880
Yeah, we went out on two dates and now it's a new week

1807
01:57:06.880 --> 01:57:09.960
and it's been like every other day for like,

1808
01:57:09.960 --> 01:57:12.960
but then he has his kids through the weekend.

1809
01:57:12.960 --> 01:57:16.320
So we'll be going out to lunch the following week.

1810
01:57:16.320 --> 01:57:17.160
Yeah.

1811
01:57:17.160 --> 01:57:19.200
And then we have the next weekend,

1812
01:57:19.200 --> 01:57:21.040
we have dates penciled in.

1813
01:57:21.080 --> 01:57:23.840
Still this, you're just at the second week or third week.

1814
01:57:23.840 --> 01:57:25.840
You're not far in at all.

1815
01:57:25.840 --> 01:57:26.680
Right.

1816
01:57:26.680 --> 01:57:28.640
So you know within yourself,

1817
01:57:28.640 --> 01:57:32.120
you haven't spent enough time to get to know this person.

1818
01:57:32.120 --> 01:57:34.880
But if you were gonna talk about going to his house,

1819
01:57:34.880 --> 01:57:37.400
I wouldn't go to his house before two months.

1820
01:57:37.400 --> 01:57:38.840
Okay.

1821
01:57:38.840 --> 01:57:40.880
And it doesn't matter, because,

1822
01:57:40.880 --> 01:57:43.600
but at the place of we're working up

1823
01:57:43.600 --> 01:57:45.920
to defining the relationship exclusivity,

1824
01:57:45.920 --> 01:57:48.360
it's exclusivity and I'm only giving you

1825
01:57:48.360 --> 01:57:50.800
how I operate my life at this point.

1826
01:57:51.560 --> 01:57:52.720
Exclusivity is a conversation.

1827
01:57:52.720 --> 01:57:54.280
Oh, you want to go exclusive with me?

1828
01:57:54.280 --> 01:57:56.360
Okay, let's discuss some things.

1829
01:57:56.360 --> 01:57:58.160
I date for marriage.

1830
01:57:58.160 --> 01:58:01.000
Exclusivity means that we are now going to look

1831
01:58:01.000 --> 01:58:03.200
at this relationship through a different lens.

1832
01:58:03.200 --> 01:58:08.200
And I am going to be measuring if we could do marriage

1833
01:58:08.200 --> 01:58:10.400
because I'm not gonna look up eight months in

1834
01:58:10.400 --> 01:58:14.440
and then we not working towards marriage.

1835
01:58:14.440 --> 01:58:15.840
I'm marriage minded.

1836
01:58:15.840 --> 01:58:17.480
I wouldn't go exclusive with someone

1837
01:58:17.480 --> 01:58:19.520
that's not marriage minded.

1838
01:58:19.520 --> 01:58:21.000
I wouldn't go exclusive with someone

1839
01:58:21.000 --> 01:58:24.440
who does not reveal to me their timeline of marriage.

1840
01:58:24.440 --> 01:58:26.280
Because you are dating for marriage.

1841
01:58:26.280 --> 01:58:28.880
You are not in here wanting to be somebody's girlfriend

1842
01:58:28.880 --> 01:58:30.280
for two years.

1843
01:58:30.280 --> 01:58:31.840
That's not your idea.

1844
01:58:31.840 --> 01:58:35.120
Exclusivity means you take yourself out of the market

1845
01:58:35.120 --> 01:58:37.720
so that you can invest in them more.

1846
01:58:37.720 --> 01:58:39.880
Now that's when you talking about wasting time

1847
01:58:39.880 --> 01:58:41.040
and you don't know where you're going

1848
01:58:41.040 --> 01:58:43.000
to go exclusive with the person.

1849
01:58:43.000 --> 01:58:44.720
And so once you go exclusive,

1850
01:58:44.720 --> 01:58:49.000
you're going to really be evaluating a person

1851
01:58:49.040 --> 01:58:51.840
according to what you want in marriage.

1852
01:58:51.840 --> 01:58:54.560
And so that's why for me, I'm not going up in your house.

1853
01:58:54.560 --> 01:58:56.680
I'm not getting comfortable because I already know

1854
01:58:56.680 --> 01:58:58.880
once you cross over into that boundary,

1855
01:58:58.880 --> 01:59:00.560
you're going to have more dates at the house.

1856
01:59:00.560 --> 01:59:02.560
You're going to hang out at the house even more.

1857
01:59:02.560 --> 01:59:04.640
And that calls for a whole nother level

1858
01:59:04.640 --> 01:59:06.400
of guarding yourself physically.

1859
01:59:06.400 --> 01:59:07.240
Yeah.

1860
01:59:07.240 --> 01:59:08.280
You would have had sex before.

1861
01:59:08.280 --> 01:59:09.640
They ain't the only one.

1862
01:59:09.640 --> 01:59:11.640
You know, the more you know a man,

1863
01:59:11.640 --> 01:59:13.120
the closer you want to get to him.

1864
01:59:13.120 --> 01:59:14.120
You're going to want to cuddle.

1865
01:59:14.120 --> 01:59:15.640
You're going to want to do these things.

1866
01:59:15.640 --> 01:59:18.840
And that's why you don't want to do stuff so early

1867
01:59:19.680 --> 01:59:23.040
that even still early, you're fighting out urges

1868
01:59:23.040 --> 01:59:26.760
and putting yourself in situations that's going to cost you.

1869
01:59:26.760 --> 01:59:30.240
Because if you trade out that soon,

1870
01:59:30.240 --> 01:59:31.880
that's going to really be a lot.

1871
01:59:31.880 --> 01:59:33.280
I mean, it's going to be hard.

1872
01:59:33.280 --> 01:59:34.120
Yeah.

1873
01:59:34.120 --> 01:59:35.640
I'm just speaking from a real place.

1874
01:59:35.640 --> 01:59:38.320
Like, you don't cross them kind of boundaries

1875
01:59:38.320 --> 01:59:39.160
and then say, okay, we ain't going to do it.

1876
01:59:39.160 --> 01:59:40.000
We ain't going to do it.

1877
01:59:40.000 --> 01:59:40.840
We ain't going to do it.

1878
01:59:40.840 --> 01:59:41.680
You know, we ain't going to do it.

1879
01:59:41.680 --> 01:59:44.160
You fighting for your life every moment after that.

1880
01:59:44.160 --> 01:59:48.000
And you know, expectations change.

1881
01:59:48.040 --> 01:59:50.280
When a woman gives her body to a man,

1882
01:59:51.320 --> 01:59:53.680
she judges him harshly.

1883
01:59:53.680 --> 01:59:55.560
Cause I'm giving you something now.

1884
01:59:55.560 --> 01:59:58.520
That's true, I've experienced that.

1885
01:59:58.520 --> 02:00:00.120
It's like, oh, you know.

1886
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:04.320
So anyway, I know I said a lot. I hope I'm very clear with it

1887
02:00:04.360 --> 02:00:08.520
But you don't want to be you don't want to speed up the process you want to get hate

1888
02:00:08.520 --> 02:00:14.600
See you want to take your time because you know where you're headed and you know, you're marriage minded and at some point

1889
02:00:14.600 --> 02:00:16.160
You're gonna cross over

1890
02:00:16.160 --> 02:00:19.100
Yeah, and he's definitely not answered

1891
02:00:20.600 --> 02:00:23.360
There's definitely questions and it's

1892
02:00:24.000 --> 02:00:27.280
At what point do I want to find out if he's marriage?

1893
02:00:27.440 --> 02:00:32.880
Mind like do I I don't need to go back into those conversations. Yeah. No, he told you that he wasn't marriage-minded

1894
02:00:33.520 --> 02:00:39.360
Um at this point, he told me he wasn't he wasn't right. He already told you he wasn't okay

1895
02:00:40.080 --> 02:00:46.200
He said it. Yes at this point. He's treating you like a friend though Laurie and yeah treat him like a friend

1896
02:00:46.280 --> 02:00:49.680
Yeah, okay, and then you'll be able to see but if you

1897
02:00:50.560 --> 02:00:54.720
You got to treat him and I believe that you're treating him like a friend. You are a gentle person

1898
02:00:54.720 --> 02:00:59.560
It does feel like I am because there's not been any flirting at all. Yeah

1899
02:00:59.560 --> 02:01:02.920
Well keep treating him like a friend and you'll know the intentions of his heart

1900
02:01:02.920 --> 02:01:08.560
You'll you'll know his intentions and so until he makes it until he pursues you romantically

1901
02:01:09.080 --> 02:01:13.600
Okay, then you don't really have nothing to talk about. Okay, right?

1902
02:01:14.120 --> 02:01:20.920
Basically because y'all are just enjoying each other's company and so continue to date other people so that you won't end up

1903
02:01:21.360 --> 02:01:25.800
By mistake pushing you enjoying him so much you're gonna look

1904
02:01:27.040 --> 02:01:33.280
Because yeah the needs he's meeting that thing in you. Yeah. Okay. I'll queue up the date with the other guy, too

1905
02:01:34.520 --> 02:01:39.280
Yeah, I go for it. Yeah, you know, you know, he yeah

1906
02:01:39.840 --> 02:01:45.240
He can't be getting the best that you got and he's not investing. Yeah. Yeah hundred percent

1907
02:01:45.400 --> 02:01:47.840
That's that's I love all of this

1908
02:01:48.400 --> 02:01:50.400
so I have a text to send and

1909
02:01:51.880 --> 02:01:55.360
And then same thing for his car don't go in his car for a couple months

1910
02:01:57.440 --> 02:01:59.440
Well, if you

1911
02:02:00.320 --> 02:02:02.320
You've already been in this car

1912
02:02:03.200 --> 02:02:05.880
You're gonna have to explain what you can you can say?

1913
02:02:05.880 --> 02:02:10.080
Yeah, right, you can say I got it to you like you said like you just explained something else

1914
02:02:10.080 --> 02:02:13.800
Oh, well, it was so good. Okay. I think I jumped into your car a little too fast

1915
02:02:13.880 --> 02:02:17.880
Let's just stay separate, you know, we're out in separate cars. You can say that, you know

1916
02:02:18.120 --> 02:02:22.520
About drive you could do that for a while. Um, if you want

1917
02:02:23.640 --> 02:02:26.640
Wait do drive with him or don't that?

1918
02:02:32.880 --> 02:02:34.880
She's like no and I'm like do

1919
02:02:35.840 --> 02:02:37.840
No

1920
02:02:37.960 --> 02:02:39.960
Laurie, um

1921
02:02:41.920 --> 02:02:43.920
Do or don't I

1922
02:02:44.600 --> 02:02:45.680
I

1923
02:02:45.680 --> 02:02:48.680
Think I don't feel like I'm going to lose anything

1924
02:02:50.680 --> 02:02:53.600
Slow the pace back down pace it back out. Yeah

1925
02:02:54.320 --> 02:02:55.960
Just slow the pace back down

1926
02:02:55.960 --> 02:03:01.880
But I can't I'm thinking that sometimes if he wanted to ride and look at something because y'all both love art

1927
02:03:02.200 --> 02:03:06.560
I'm not trying to put a hard rule. You've already kind of crossed that boundary

1928
02:03:06.560 --> 02:03:11.920
So what I am saying to you whatever area you can pace this back out to slow it down

1929
02:03:12.680 --> 02:03:14.960
Yes, sit back out to slow down

1930
02:03:15.840 --> 02:03:19.320
Pace it back out to slow it down. It may be a time where y'all meet somewhere

1931
02:03:19.320 --> 02:03:21.320
It's just certain don't we come to your house to pick you up

1932
02:03:21.320 --> 02:03:27.240
But y'all meet halfway that you may have to park and jump in the car with him ride somewhere because y'all are doing this meeting

1933
02:03:27.240 --> 02:03:29.240
Place thing. Yeah

1934
02:03:29.360 --> 02:03:37.520
Yeah, like I would not go to his house to meet and drive together because he's halfway to where I'm going

1935
02:03:37.880 --> 02:03:39.400
Yeah, so

1936
02:03:39.400 --> 02:03:44.040
If you hadn't been in this car yet, I'd be like, oh no, but what I'm telling you is you're gonna have to pace it

1937
02:03:44.040 --> 02:03:47.560
And slow it back down. You kind of already crossed over. Let's say you had a crossover when it's his house

1938
02:03:47.560 --> 02:03:49.560
I would definitely don't go back to his house

1939
02:03:51.120 --> 02:03:57.040
Y'all are meeting in the middle and sometimes whatever so but I'm saying yeah pace it slow it back down

1940
02:03:57.160 --> 02:04:00.480
And if you don't have to get in this car, don't you know, don't get in this car

1941
02:04:00.480 --> 02:04:07.320
But if something happens where y'all around to look at some art or something because it's being crossed, you know, yeah. Yeah

1942
02:04:07.880 --> 02:04:09.880
Okay, yep

1943
02:04:10.160 --> 02:04:17.840
Sounds good. And um, he wants to be friends, you know friends don't get hooks. Let's give him give him what he say he won't

1944
02:04:18.680 --> 02:04:22.840
All right, I'm pursuing you according to anything else. Yeah

1945
02:04:24.440 --> 02:04:27.320
He's tasty I want you to be on pace too

1946
02:04:28.040 --> 02:04:29.400
Okay

1947
02:04:29.400 --> 02:04:33.640
Yeah, I believe him when he said I'm sorry to take so much time. I know it's time for us to go

1948
02:04:33.640 --> 02:04:35.360
I believe him when he says

1949
02:04:35.360 --> 02:04:40.200
I've heard that from me before. I just don't want to get another divorce divorce hurts and

1950
02:04:41.240 --> 02:04:43.000
Saying I don't want to do that again

1951
02:04:43.000 --> 02:04:46.600
And so the truth is I don't even know if I want to be married again because yeah

1952
02:04:46.800 --> 02:04:51.120
By his past experience that if I marry again, it could end in divorce again

1953
02:04:51.120 --> 02:04:55.360
And you know, of course, he's operating out of place of fear

1954
02:04:55.360 --> 02:05:00.040
So that tells me he hasn't dealt with the issues of that marriage. Yes. I like to

1955
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:06.400
But that tells you, hey, he hasn't dealt with it, and that's okay, too.

1956
02:05:06.400 --> 02:05:12.280
Because when you get information from people, it tells you how to work with them, which

1957
02:05:12.280 --> 02:05:14.440
tells you how far to go with yourself.

1958
02:05:14.440 --> 02:05:15.440
Yes.

1959
02:05:15.440 --> 02:05:16.440
Yes.

1960
02:05:16.440 --> 02:05:19.960
Which also is a good reason to not go over to his house.

1961
02:05:19.960 --> 02:05:22.320
Because my heart would go further.

1962
02:05:22.320 --> 02:05:23.320
Yeah.

1963
02:05:23.320 --> 02:05:24.320
Yeah.

1964
02:05:24.320 --> 02:05:25.320
Yeah.

1965
02:05:25.320 --> 02:05:26.320
Yeah.

1966
02:05:26.320 --> 02:05:27.320
Yeah.

1967
02:05:27.320 --> 02:05:28.320
Okay.

1968
02:05:28.320 --> 02:05:29.320
This is good.

1969
02:05:30.320 --> 02:05:38.160
It's good because it's going to, wisdom always brings life, and I'm guarding my heart in

1970
02:05:38.160 --> 02:05:39.160
this way.

1971
02:05:39.160 --> 02:05:40.160
Oh, yeah.

1972
02:05:40.160 --> 02:05:43.400
And I like what you said about, I'm doing this for me.

1973
02:05:43.400 --> 02:05:46.360
Like I'm going to take care of me first, and that's how we have to operate.

1974
02:05:46.360 --> 02:05:51.720
Like, we're going to take care of me first, and wisdom trumps our feelings.

1975
02:05:51.720 --> 02:05:54.600
That's the beautiful thing about wisdom.

1976
02:05:54.600 --> 02:05:55.960
Wisdom takes care of all that.

1977
02:05:55.960 --> 02:05:59.280
Boundaries take care of how we feel, no matter how I feel.

1978
02:05:59.280 --> 02:06:00.280
Yeah.

1979
02:06:00.280 --> 02:06:03.800
I cause myself to submit, no matter what it feels, because my feeling doesn't tell

1980
02:06:03.800 --> 02:06:05.120
me the truth.

1981
02:06:05.120 --> 02:06:09.400
It doesn't matter what, I mean, there's literally, this is my, I'm the coach in my head.

1982
02:06:09.400 --> 02:06:11.680
It don't matter how I feel.

1983
02:06:11.680 --> 02:06:14.040
What does wisdom say to you?

1984
02:06:14.040 --> 02:06:15.040
Yeah.

1985
02:06:15.040 --> 02:06:16.040
Right?

1986
02:06:16.040 --> 02:06:20.880
What does wisdom, you know, and so, yay.

1987
02:06:20.880 --> 02:06:29.000
And so this, I need to see some sort of shift in the next.

1988
02:06:29.720 --> 02:06:41.120
I mean, by two months of him paying, him, it's, he probably, in other words, I don't

1989
02:06:41.120 --> 02:06:42.600
want to go and do this forever.

1990
02:06:42.600 --> 02:06:43.600
He's truly not ready.

1991
02:06:43.600 --> 02:06:44.600
Right.

1992
02:06:44.600 --> 02:06:49.800
If y'all are going to be splitting everything, it tells you that he's your friend, but he

1993
02:06:49.800 --> 02:06:50.800
just wants to hang out.

1994
02:06:50.800 --> 02:06:54.600
And so then you make the decision, do I want to hang out this week or not?

1995
02:06:54.600 --> 02:06:56.280
Do I want to spend this week or not?

1996
02:06:56.280 --> 02:07:00.760
Because that's what that boils down to, because you've certainly, you've created a pattern

1997
02:07:00.760 --> 02:07:06.080
or, and then you can't come, you can, if he was pursuing you romantically, look, I'm paying

1998
02:07:06.080 --> 02:07:07.080
for stuff.

1999
02:07:07.080 --> 02:07:08.080
Why don't you pay for my food?

2000
02:07:08.080 --> 02:07:13.240
Like, I don't know, but he, you're, that's why you're not exchanging any romantic type

2001
02:07:13.240 --> 02:07:18.440
experience, giving him romantic experiences, and he's not putting into romantic experiences.

2002
02:07:18.440 --> 02:07:19.440
Right.

2003
02:07:19.440 --> 02:07:24.040
He going to get friendship level stuff because that's what he's putting out.

2004
02:07:24.040 --> 02:07:25.680
And you enjoy his friendship.

2005
02:07:25.680 --> 02:07:26.680
That's very true.

2006
02:07:26.680 --> 02:07:27.680
That does create feelings.

2007
02:07:27.680 --> 02:07:28.680
Yeah.

2008
02:07:28.680 --> 02:07:29.680
Food is true, Sarah.

2009
02:07:29.680 --> 02:07:38.960
And she, I'm, I don't want to say your name wrong, so I know I got the Sarah part right.

2010
02:07:38.960 --> 02:07:39.960
How do you say your name?

2011
02:07:39.960 --> 02:07:40.960
Sarah Shell.

2012
02:07:40.960 --> 02:07:41.960
Sarah Shell.

2013
02:07:41.960 --> 02:07:42.960
Sarah Shell.

2014
02:07:42.960 --> 02:07:47.040
Sarah Shell said, I don't know if you see it, but she said, it's also taking time that

2015
02:07:47.040 --> 02:07:51.440
could be spent with a true spirit versus friendship.

2016
02:07:51.440 --> 02:07:55.400
And so that is true.

2017
02:07:55.400 --> 02:07:59.920
If you give too much time, you're taking away from what could be invested in what your spirit,

2018
02:07:59.920 --> 02:08:02.920
whoever your spirit mate could be if he's not the one.

2019
02:08:02.920 --> 02:08:07.520
And so a balance is needed with the friendship and he has to be clear that it is a friendship

2020
02:08:07.520 --> 02:08:15.280
unless he's willing to invest in something else and it's okay because you said that he,

2021
02:08:15.280 --> 02:08:21.320
you said the value he brought to where you are right now was worth investing your money

2022
02:08:21.320 --> 02:08:22.320
financially.

2023
02:08:22.320 --> 02:08:23.320
Yeah.

2024
02:08:23.320 --> 02:08:28.480
So that means you need to invest your money, your time financially wisely on the level

2025
02:08:28.480 --> 02:08:31.160
of which it is and you control it.

2026
02:08:31.160 --> 02:08:32.160
Yeah.

2027
02:08:32.160 --> 02:08:33.160
You're in control of it.

2028
02:08:33.160 --> 02:08:34.160
Yeah.

2029
02:08:34.160 --> 02:08:36.880
Not, we're like, oh, now he's acting like it's for me.

2030
02:08:36.880 --> 02:08:42.120
And I think time, I think we should be getting together maybe once a week at the most at

2031
02:08:42.120 --> 02:08:51.040
this point because, you know, I was definitely, we were both very excited.

2032
02:08:51.040 --> 02:08:53.680
But it may, I think that's just my thought.

2033
02:08:53.680 --> 02:09:00.800
Maybe it's not correct, but spending more time, I don't know until something, you spent

2034
02:09:00.800 --> 02:09:01.800
too much time.

2035
02:09:01.800 --> 02:09:02.800
It speeds things up too quickly.

2036
02:09:02.800 --> 02:09:03.800
Yeah.

2037
02:09:03.800 --> 02:09:04.800
Okay.

2038
02:09:04.800 --> 02:09:05.800
You have to pace yourself.

2039
02:09:05.800 --> 02:09:06.800
A couple of nights a week.

2040
02:09:06.800 --> 02:09:07.800
That's a bit much.

2041
02:09:07.800 --> 02:09:08.800
I mean, it speeds things up.

2042
02:09:08.800 --> 02:09:09.800
Yeah.

2043
02:09:09.800 --> 02:09:10.800
It doesn't give you time to process either.

2044
02:09:10.800 --> 02:09:11.800
Yeah.

2045
02:09:11.800 --> 02:09:12.800
Yeah.

2046
02:09:12.800 --> 02:09:13.800
It's good.

2047
02:09:13.800 --> 02:09:13.800


2048
02:09:22.040 --> 02:09:26.080
Yeah, me and Dia, she kind of said, I love that men make it clear that they don't want

2049
02:09:26.080 --> 02:09:27.080
marriage again.

2050
02:09:27.080 --> 02:09:29.080
So that woman know not to waste their time.

2051
02:09:29.080 --> 02:09:30.080
I have enough friends.

2052
02:09:30.080 --> 02:09:31.080
I'm ready for my spirit.

2053
02:09:31.080 --> 02:09:32.080
Yeah.

2054
02:09:32.080 --> 02:09:33.080
Yeah.

2055
02:09:33.080 --> 02:09:34.080
That's good.

2056
02:09:34.080 --> 02:09:35.080
Yeah.

2057
02:09:35.080 --> 02:09:40.160
I was definitely, oh, I need to take him at his word.

2058
02:09:40.160 --> 02:09:41.160
You take him at his word.

2059
02:09:41.160 --> 02:09:44.200
And, but even this, that's the thing about, and we're about to go, that's the thing about

2060
02:09:44.200 --> 02:09:45.200
dating for discovery.

2061
02:09:45.200 --> 02:09:49.640
And you're a little bit more into spirit DNA too, Lauren, we've been at, you've been at

2062
02:09:49.720 --> 02:09:50.720
this for a while.

2063
02:09:50.720 --> 02:09:54.800
And so their levels have changed for you, but you get to look at this and say, oh, that

2064
02:09:54.800 --> 02:09:55.800
was a little thing.

2065
02:09:55.800 --> 02:09:57.860
Oh, I can bag my way out of that.

2066
02:09:57.860 --> 02:09:59.520
Oh, he really did say that.

2067
02:09:59.520 --> 02:10:00.020
Oh.

2068
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:01.660
Oh, I'm going to take him at his word.

2069
02:10:01.660 --> 02:10:02.640
Because there are going to be things

2070
02:10:02.640 --> 02:10:03.880
that your husband is going to say,

2071
02:10:03.880 --> 02:10:06.000
and you're going to have to learn to take him at his word

2072
02:10:06.000 --> 02:10:07.520
instead of what you want to believe

2073
02:10:07.520 --> 02:10:08.920
and what you want to hear.

2074
02:10:08.920 --> 02:10:10.200
This is all such good.

2075
02:10:10.200 --> 02:10:13.360
Or when you say it, this is worth me investing.

2076
02:10:13.360 --> 02:10:14.800
I enjoy him.

2077
02:10:14.800 --> 02:10:16.400
He's fun.

2078
02:10:16.400 --> 02:10:18.360
That's a great discovery.

2079
02:10:18.360 --> 02:10:20.160
On top of the discovery that says,

2080
02:10:20.160 --> 02:10:23.600
I'm not moving past this in my heart or in my emotions,

2081
02:10:23.600 --> 02:10:26.480
I know where to put you, and I'm continuing to date

2082
02:10:26.480 --> 02:10:29.640
because you haven't showed any real interest in the journey

2083
02:10:29.680 --> 02:10:31.240
that I'm going on.

2084
02:10:31.240 --> 02:10:32.520
Yeah, yeah.

2085
02:10:32.520 --> 02:10:34.800
And I also recognize it's too early to see that.

2086
02:10:34.800 --> 02:10:36.480
Also, I am willing to give it time,

2087
02:10:36.480 --> 02:10:39.080
but I'm going to keep these boundaries in operation.

2088
02:10:41.520 --> 02:10:42.360
Yeah.

2089
02:10:42.360 --> 02:10:43.840
It's so much good stuff.

2090
02:10:43.840 --> 02:10:45.240
It's really good.

2091
02:10:45.240 --> 02:10:47.400
Yeah, it's very good.

2092
02:10:47.400 --> 02:10:50.160
Yeah, at this point, I feel like I'm benefiting

2093
02:10:50.160 --> 02:10:51.800
and growing through the experience,

2094
02:10:51.800 --> 02:10:53.360
so that's why it's worth it to me.

2095
02:10:53.360 --> 02:10:55.000
Yeah, yeah.

2096
02:10:55.000 --> 02:10:58.320
I've dated low stakes people for the growth that it gave me.

2097
02:10:59.160 --> 02:11:01.720
And it's not usury, it's growing.

2098
02:11:01.720 --> 02:11:04.080
And low stakes, when you don't have

2099
02:11:04.080 --> 02:11:05.720
that high level of attraction,

2100
02:11:05.720 --> 02:11:07.280
they are great people to date

2101
02:11:07.280 --> 02:11:10.960
because high levels of attraction can take you fast.

2102
02:11:10.960 --> 02:11:15.520
Oh, I'm very attractive, but my heart is not in this state.

2103
02:11:15.520 --> 02:11:17.480
I'm very attracted to him.

2104
02:11:17.480 --> 02:11:19.000
That's not that that's not there,

2105
02:11:19.000 --> 02:11:23.080
but it's like I'm asleep in that way.

2106
02:11:23.080 --> 02:11:24.840
Does that make sense?

2107
02:11:24.840 --> 02:11:25.680
I'm good.

2108
02:11:25.680 --> 02:11:27.680
I'm asleep in that way.

2109
02:11:27.680 --> 02:11:31.080
And so, and it feels very,

2110
02:11:31.080 --> 02:11:33.240
I feel like my heart's much more healed.

2111
02:11:33.240 --> 02:11:35.640
It would feel weird to be physical with him

2112
02:11:35.640 --> 02:11:36.880
because I don't know him.

2113
02:11:38.000 --> 02:11:42.520
He still feels like, I don't want to say a stranger,

2114
02:11:42.520 --> 02:11:45.560
but close.

2115
02:11:45.560 --> 02:11:46.480
That's true.

2116
02:11:46.480 --> 02:11:48.400
And I'm going to tell you this,

2117
02:11:48.400 --> 02:11:49.920
if you had gone to his house,

2118
02:11:49.920 --> 02:11:51.920
you would have thought you knew him better than you did.

2119
02:11:51.920 --> 02:11:52.760
Yeah.

2120
02:11:52.760 --> 02:11:54.600
Those are the type of things that play tricks on you.

2121
02:11:54.600 --> 02:11:55.440
You think you know somebody.

2122
02:11:55.440 --> 02:11:57.120
I made myself say it all out loud.

2123
02:11:58.000 --> 02:11:59.720
You did good.

2124
02:11:59.720 --> 02:12:01.160
Look at me go.

2125
02:12:01.160 --> 02:12:02.880
Laura, you are amazing.

2126
02:12:02.880 --> 02:12:04.760
You are, you are.

2127
02:12:04.760 --> 02:12:07.600
But thank you for letting us all dig through that with you.

2128
02:12:07.600 --> 02:12:08.440
Yeah.

2129
02:12:08.440 --> 02:12:09.440
Thanks for the wisdom.

2130
02:12:09.440 --> 02:12:10.960
I have a text to send.

2131
02:12:12.480 --> 02:12:14.800
You have, yes, you have a text to send, way to go.

2132
02:12:14.800 --> 02:12:17.960
I have a text to send and nothing to lose.

2133
02:12:17.960 --> 02:12:18.800
That's right.

2134
02:12:18.800 --> 02:12:19.640
Nothing to lose.

2135
02:12:19.640 --> 02:12:20.480
That's what you have.

2136
02:12:20.480 --> 02:12:21.400
I remind myself, nothing to lose.

2137
02:12:21.400 --> 02:12:22.240
Everything to lose.

2138
02:12:22.240 --> 02:12:24.160
If I lose it, then it wasn't there anyway.

2139
02:12:24.160 --> 02:12:25.000
Come on.

2140
02:12:25.960 --> 02:12:27.160
That's right.

2141
02:12:27.160 --> 02:12:28.000
All right.

2142
02:12:28.000 --> 02:12:30.280
Well, ladies, y'all hung in here.

2143
02:12:30.280 --> 02:12:32.000
I enjoyed y'all, y'all delight.

2144
02:12:32.000 --> 02:12:35.400
I'm going to tell Carla how delightsful y'all are.

2145
02:12:35.400 --> 02:12:36.240
Okay.

2146
02:12:36.240 --> 02:12:37.200
Are you coming to eight o'clock?

2147
02:12:37.200 --> 02:12:38.040
See you tonight.

2148
02:12:38.040 --> 02:12:39.160
I need to update Kim.

2149
02:12:39.160 --> 02:12:40.560
You know, I always need to update.

2150
02:12:40.560 --> 02:12:43.200
I be thinking about you when I'm working with my,

2151
02:12:43.200 --> 02:12:44.680
doing other stuff.

2152
02:12:44.680 --> 02:12:45.520
Okay.

2153
02:12:45.520 --> 02:12:47.520
So all of you ladies,

2154
02:12:47.520 --> 02:12:49.280
you carry a special place in my heart

2155
02:12:49.280 --> 02:12:51.000
and I'm always thinking about y'all.

2156
02:12:51.000 --> 02:12:52.680
Hey, Calandria.

2157
02:12:55.560 --> 02:12:56.760
Oh, is it Calandria?

2158
02:13:01.120 --> 02:13:04.640
Calandria, have you seen my responses to your post?

2159
02:13:06.280 --> 02:13:07.360
I don't think she's at work.

2160
02:13:07.360 --> 02:13:08.200
She don't hear me.

2161
02:13:08.200 --> 02:13:10.800
But anyway, please check out those responses

2162
02:13:10.800 --> 02:13:13.160
to the post that I gave back to you, Calandria.

2163
02:13:13.160 --> 02:13:15.440
I want to get feedback from you on that.

2164
02:13:15.440 --> 02:13:16.760
I hope to see you ladies tonight.

2165
02:13:16.760 --> 02:13:18.360
Lovett, I want to get an update from you.

2166
02:13:18.360 --> 02:13:20.480
I posted to some of your things.

2167
02:13:22.080 --> 02:13:25.000
Lovetta, Lovett, I hope I got it right.

2168
02:13:25.520 --> 02:13:26.360
I see you on here.

2169
02:13:26.360 --> 02:13:27.200
I hope you hear me.

2170
02:13:27.200 --> 02:13:28.760
Anyway, it was wonderful.

2171
02:13:28.760 --> 02:13:30.440
Tell Carla, you guys are amazing.

2172
02:13:30.440 --> 02:13:31.560
She'll be back next week.

2173
02:13:31.560 --> 02:13:32.960
She doesn't feel well.

2174
02:13:32.960 --> 02:13:34.320
Don't forget the activation.

2175
02:13:34.320 --> 02:13:36.960
I'm going to repost it for you guys so you can have it.

2176
02:13:36.960 --> 02:13:39.120
And I hope you guys have a great day.

2177
02:13:40.840 --> 02:13:42.200
See you later.

2178
02:13:42.200 --> 02:13:43.120
Thank you.

2179
02:13:43.120 --> 02:13:43.960
You're welcome.

2180
02:13:43.960 --> 02:13:45.560
Bye.

2181
02:13:45.560 --> 02:13:46.680
Bye ladies.

2182
02:13:46.680 --> 02:13:47.920
Thank you, Ebony.

2183
02:13:47.920 --> 02:13:49.040
You're welcome.

2184
02:13:49.040 --> 02:13:49.880
See you tonight.

2185
02:13:49.880 --> 02:13:50.720
See you.

2186
02:13:50.720 --> 02:13:51.560
Bye.