WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.360 Tonight is so good to see all of you coming in on tonight. 2 00:00:06.360 --> 00:00:13.200 Now, tell me who is here that is your first time. 3 00:00:13.200 --> 00:00:15.520 Is that you, Jolene, that's your first time? 4 00:00:15.520 --> 00:00:19.600 And let's see, Lydia, is this your first time? 5 00:00:25.800 --> 00:00:27.640 No, I've been here before. 6 00:00:27.640 --> 00:00:28.640 Thank you. 7 00:00:28.720 --> 00:00:29.720 Where were you? 8 00:00:29.720 --> 00:00:31.720 I'm sorry. 9 00:00:31.720 --> 00:00:33.040 Hey. 10 00:00:33.040 --> 00:00:35.680 Saturday I was not here, but I've 11 00:00:35.680 --> 00:00:38.120 been on the Tuesday calls before. 12 00:00:38.120 --> 00:00:40.760 But I finally figured out how to use my, 13 00:00:40.760 --> 00:00:45.160 how to log in to Zoom on my phone to attend the calls. 14 00:00:45.160 --> 00:00:46.160 OK, got you. 15 00:00:46.160 --> 00:00:49.560 Before that, it was just, I could, I was just on, 16 00:00:49.560 --> 00:00:51.640 I could just hear you, that's all. 17 00:00:51.640 --> 00:00:54.920 Oh, wow, wow, wow. 18 00:00:54.920 --> 00:00:58.880 Yeah, well, I'm so glad you're able to get logged in. 19 00:00:58.880 --> 00:00:59.800 Yes. 20 00:00:59.800 --> 00:01:01.640 Yeah, and talk, rather. 21 00:01:01.640 --> 00:01:02.200 Talk. 22 00:01:02.200 --> 00:01:04.000 Tish, is this your first time? 23 00:01:07.520 --> 00:01:09.560 Did I see a Tish? 24 00:01:09.560 --> 00:01:10.760 Say Trish. 25 00:01:10.760 --> 00:01:12.880 Trish, where are you? 26 00:01:12.880 --> 00:01:14.840 This is my second time. 27 00:01:14.840 --> 00:01:16.200 Oh, there you go. 28 00:01:16.200 --> 00:01:17.720 OK, well, welcome. 29 00:01:17.720 --> 00:01:18.600 Welcome, Jolene. 30 00:01:18.600 --> 00:01:20.040 It's just you the first time. 31 00:01:20.040 --> 00:01:22.880 It's OK, we welcome you. 32 00:01:22.920 --> 00:01:26.040 You don't see where to raise your hand on your phone. 33 00:01:26.040 --> 00:01:28.040 If you have an iPhone, it's at the bottom. 34 00:01:35.200 --> 00:01:38.320 So Jolene, welcome to phase two. 35 00:01:38.320 --> 00:01:41.920 This is, is this your first day and first night? 36 00:01:41.920 --> 00:01:44.480 Like, you know what I'm saying? 37 00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:47.400 Yeah, in the accelerator, it's my first night. 38 00:01:47.400 --> 00:01:52.120 I went to one of the, in the heart work sessions, 39 00:01:52.240 --> 00:01:54.600 one of those meetings, but that's it. 40 00:01:54.600 --> 00:01:57.040 Oh, yeah, we're so happy to have you. 41 00:01:57.040 --> 00:02:01.640 This is such a joyful phase of the program, 42 00:02:01.640 --> 00:02:03.520 dating for discovery. 43 00:02:03.520 --> 00:02:05.160 I don't know if you had an opportunity 44 00:02:05.160 --> 00:02:08.919 to watch the welcome video from Jackie, 45 00:02:08.919 --> 00:02:10.840 but there are four to five videos. 46 00:02:10.840 --> 00:02:12.680 It's five of them, four or five. 47 00:02:12.680 --> 00:02:16.120 You just watch one each week, as quickly as you want to, 48 00:02:16.120 --> 00:02:19.800 but preferably one per week so that you can kind of stew 49 00:02:19.800 --> 00:02:23.680 on the information, get all the goodness out of it. 50 00:02:23.680 --> 00:02:26.520 There's dating one-on-one, there's online dating, 51 00:02:26.520 --> 00:02:30.120 there's boundaries in this divine feminine. 52 00:02:30.120 --> 00:02:32.840 And if you haven't watched the one that gives you 53 00:02:32.840 --> 00:02:35.440 the challenge, there's a seven-day challenge. 54 00:02:35.440 --> 00:02:38.480 Have you watched it yet? 55 00:02:38.480 --> 00:02:40.760 I think I watched most of the trainings, 56 00:02:40.760 --> 00:02:44.200 but I don't know why the seven-day challenge isn't 57 00:02:44.200 --> 00:02:45.480 ringing a bell. 58 00:02:45.520 --> 00:02:46.920 OK. 59 00:02:46.920 --> 00:02:49.360 So it's something that I think it's called. 60 00:02:49.360 --> 00:02:52.400 It's not called welcome, but it's called something else. 61 00:02:52.400 --> 00:02:54.600 You do not have to get seven days, 62 00:02:54.600 --> 00:02:57.000 just our way of encouraging you to get out there and get 63 00:02:57.000 --> 00:02:57.760 moving. 64 00:02:57.760 --> 00:02:59.120 Oh, OK. 65 00:02:59.120 --> 00:03:01.560 OK, seven dates, you said, right? 66 00:03:01.560 --> 00:03:02.120 Yeah. 67 00:03:02.120 --> 00:03:03.720 I thought you said days, like you have 68 00:03:03.720 --> 00:03:06.080 to do something in seven days. 69 00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:09.640 OK, so yes, I am working on that challenge. 70 00:03:09.640 --> 00:03:10.960 Oh, good, good. 71 00:03:10.960 --> 00:03:12.840 I'm from Mississippi, and so I've 72 00:03:12.840 --> 00:03:16.640 got a little twang to the sound of my voice, 73 00:03:16.640 --> 00:03:19.520 so sorry about that. 74 00:03:19.520 --> 00:03:21.480 Yeah, OK, thank you. 75 00:03:21.480 --> 00:03:25.080 So you don't have to get out seven days. 76 00:03:25.080 --> 00:03:27.640 It's not going to stop you from moving on to the next phase 77 00:03:27.640 --> 00:03:29.840 if you want to, but that's a challenge to get you out 78 00:03:29.840 --> 00:03:30.760 and get you going. 79 00:03:30.760 --> 00:03:33.040 Because this phase, and I'll just repeat, 80 00:03:33.040 --> 00:03:34.800 is about dating for discovery, not 81 00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:36.600 dating to find your spouse. 82 00:03:36.600 --> 00:03:39.800 It may be really hard to reprogram your mind that way, 83 00:03:39.800 --> 00:03:43.080 but we like to take this time after hard work 84 00:03:43.080 --> 00:03:46.040 to get you practicing what you learned in hard work 85 00:03:46.040 --> 00:03:49.280 to solidify it so that you can grow in it. 86 00:03:49.280 --> 00:03:50.920 Because just because you did hard work 87 00:03:50.920 --> 00:03:53.040 does not mean you've had an opportunity to practice it, 88 00:03:53.040 --> 00:03:53.840 because you haven't. 89 00:03:53.840 --> 00:03:55.360 You just came out of it. 90 00:03:55.360 --> 00:03:57.040 And so when you date for discovery, 91 00:03:57.040 --> 00:03:58.920 it takes out the pressure. 92 00:03:58.920 --> 00:04:01.240 It makes it low stakes so that you 93 00:04:01.240 --> 00:04:04.520 can evaluate yourself to see what's 94 00:04:04.520 --> 00:04:06.920 happening on the inside of you now 95 00:04:06.920 --> 00:04:09.480 that you have some triggers headed your way. 96 00:04:09.480 --> 00:04:13.320 And that's how we kind of iron things out. 97 00:04:13.320 --> 00:04:18.839 And so what happens is God is writing the love story. 98 00:04:18.839 --> 00:04:22.480 You're working on growing in capacity 99 00:04:22.480 --> 00:04:24.160 and getting yourself prepared. 100 00:04:24.160 --> 00:04:25.320 So great. 101 00:04:25.320 --> 00:04:26.440 That's housekeeping. 102 00:04:26.440 --> 00:04:30.640 Ladies, don't forget to pre-order Jackie's book. 103 00:04:30.640 --> 00:04:32.200 What is the name of it? 104 00:04:32.200 --> 00:04:35.440 Modern Dating Sucks. 105 00:04:35.480 --> 00:04:40.560 We're always so excited to support Jackie. 106 00:04:40.560 --> 00:04:42.280 It may be a book of your interest. 107 00:04:42.280 --> 00:04:43.920 It may not be a book of your interest, 108 00:04:43.920 --> 00:04:45.760 but you are welcome to support her 109 00:04:45.760 --> 00:04:48.600 in that pre-order of her new book that's coming out. 110 00:04:48.600 --> 00:04:52.320 Also, don't forget, mark your calendars. 111 00:04:52.320 --> 00:04:54.400 Do it today. 112 00:04:54.400 --> 00:04:58.000 Tomorrow, not tomorrow, next Tuesday, we are coming on. 113 00:04:58.000 --> 00:05:01.200 And we are going to be fixed up. 114 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:03.360 you don't know about this challenge. Jolene is somebody who wasn't here on last week, 115 00:05:03.360 --> 00:05:09.360 don't know about it, but we want you to get all dolled up what you would look like on a date or 116 00:05:09.360 --> 00:05:14.800 video call date. Let's check you out. Let's check out the colors that you pick. Let us admire, 117 00:05:14.800 --> 00:05:19.200 pick the colors you think go with your color palette and things of such sort. Let's look 118 00:05:19.200 --> 00:05:26.320 at what your lighting looks like in the background. And so that's it. Just get all dolled up 119 00:05:26.320 --> 00:05:33.760 and let us see you and let us compliment you. Right? Okay, great. You guys will see that I 120 00:05:33.760 --> 00:05:38.880 posted the activation from last time. We will talk about activation just for a few moments before we 121 00:05:38.880 --> 00:05:45.360 get started. And don't forget that Karla and I are always doing one-on-one coaching sessions 122 00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:53.120 for things that we can unpack. What day is that, Ebony? Next Tuesday. Don't forget that we are 123 00:05:53.120 --> 00:05:58.240 doing one-on-one sessions, Karla or myself, or any of our other lovely coaches, if you need to 124 00:05:58.240 --> 00:06:05.680 unpack more than we can unpack on a live coaching call or on the community wall. I encourage everyone 125 00:06:05.680 --> 00:06:10.400 who wants to get rid of some roadblocks or some things that are happening that are much deeper 126 00:06:10.400 --> 00:06:16.880 than what we can deal with on here to book yourself a one-on-one coaching session. And 127 00:06:16.880 --> 00:06:24.320 did I cover it all? Times and Seasons. Who's going to Times and Seasons? Yeah, me too. It's 128 00:06:24.320 --> 00:06:30.320 located on the resource tab. Finally, it's there. It's waiting for you. And let me tell you, 129 00:06:30.320 --> 00:06:34.880 once you sign up for Times and Seasons, it's going to automatically put you in another group 130 00:06:34.880 --> 00:06:39.040 just for people that are going to Times and Seasons. And so then all the information that 131 00:06:39.040 --> 00:06:42.160 you're going to need is going to be in that group that they're going to place you in. 132 00:06:42.160 --> 00:06:46.080 So you don't have to worry about missing anything or not getting anything. 133 00:06:46.080 --> 00:06:50.720 Once you're signed up, they're going to take care of the rest and you'll know about it. 134 00:06:52.880 --> 00:06:56.320 I don't want to be like I've been every other night, so come and let me write some of y'all 135 00:06:56.320 --> 00:07:06.320 down that has your hand raised. Now, granted, this may be a little out of order, but I'm starting 136 00:07:06.320 --> 00:07:15.520 somewhere. All right. Oh, got you, Sandy. Okay. Jeanne, I thank you for these amazing, 137 00:07:15.520 --> 00:07:20.960 awesome ladies who signed up to do this journey with you. Everybody has to believe you for 138 00:07:20.960 --> 00:07:25.600 something. We have to operate by faith in some part, and this gets to be our part. 139 00:07:25.600 --> 00:07:30.640 And so, Father, we happily partner with the one who knows all, sees all, the one who's gone way 140 00:07:30.640 --> 00:07:36.400 ahead of us and can pick a spirit made much far better than we ever could. And so we say yes and 141 00:07:36.400 --> 00:07:40.720 amen to the promises of God in Christ Jesus, because that's the way it works on the winning 142 00:07:40.720 --> 00:07:51.520 team. In Jesus name, amen. Amen. Amen. What did you guys do from your activation? Who did something? 143 00:07:52.480 --> 00:07:58.640 Just unmute and tell me about it, or you can type it in the chat. But tell us about it. 144 00:07:59.600 --> 00:08:05.200 Which activation did you do, and what was the response like, or what did you experience? 145 00:08:05.200 --> 00:08:11.520 I can share, Ebony. It happened today. A friend of mine offered to bring me some 146 00:08:12.160 --> 00:08:18.560 soup because I'm sick, and I was like, I can make... I started to say no, and then there 147 00:08:18.560 --> 00:08:22.720 was something inside of me that was like, someone's offering to help me. So I was like, 148 00:08:22.800 --> 00:08:27.840 just receive the help. So it was hard to type. I'm like, yes, that would be great, 149 00:08:28.560 --> 00:08:34.080 because it was... I mean, in your head, you're like, do people really want to... Are they just 150 00:08:34.080 --> 00:08:38.799 saying that? Do they really want... But anyway, I could benefit from it, and I was like, maybe this 151 00:08:38.799 --> 00:08:47.200 will bring her joy. So it was great. She brought it to me, and I was blessed for sure. That's so 152 00:08:47.200 --> 00:08:55.680 good. Way to go. That's a big step. That really is. Yeah, you're welcome. Anybody else want to 153 00:08:55.680 --> 00:09:06.480 share? I'll have two. I have two questions. Okay. My first question is, what is it with 154 00:09:07.520 --> 00:09:16.160 the men that want phone numbers and feel like they can't just communicate through the app, 155 00:09:16.160 --> 00:09:20.560 the dating app first for a while? Is it like a little teenage boy inside of them? They used to 156 00:09:20.560 --> 00:09:24.880 get excited over getting girls' numbers when they were younger. Is that just resurfacing now that 157 00:09:24.880 --> 00:09:30.720 they're older? That's my first question. Why are they so impatient as far as... I do want to 158 00:09:30.720 --> 00:09:37.280 communicate and ask a few vetting questions first before I give out my number, and then I also like 159 00:09:37.280 --> 00:09:44.880 them to plan like a coffee date first as well, but I'm not sure why the men are so impatient as far 160 00:09:45.200 --> 00:09:49.360 as, oh, here's my number. Give me a call. Give me a call. It's kind of annoying me, 161 00:09:49.360 --> 00:09:56.080 but I just want to know the answer to that. Number two, for the women, I'm sure I'm not the only one. 162 00:09:56.080 --> 00:09:59.920 A lot of us grew up in church, and when we were younger, we 163 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:04.640 We were very, very positive about marriage, dating, 164 00:10:04.640 --> 00:10:07.240 definitely being intentional. 165 00:10:07.240 --> 00:10:08.040 OK. 166 00:10:08.040 --> 00:10:08.920 Uh-huh. 167 00:10:08.920 --> 00:10:09.960 Hold up. 168 00:10:09.960 --> 00:10:11.920 Let me finish up this part. 169 00:10:11.920 --> 00:10:12.920 OK. 170 00:10:12.920 --> 00:10:15.040 I don't want you to go through that whole question 171 00:10:15.040 --> 00:10:16.080 and then say this to you. 172 00:10:16.080 --> 00:10:17.760 And so that's why I decided to break in, 173 00:10:17.760 --> 00:10:19.800 because it sounds like it was going to be good. 174 00:10:19.800 --> 00:10:22.960 Let me finish up this part, and then we'll do that part. 175 00:10:22.960 --> 00:10:23.840 OK, no problem. 176 00:10:23.840 --> 00:10:25.200 It sounds good. 177 00:10:25.200 --> 00:10:26.040 All right. 178 00:10:26.040 --> 00:10:28.320 Anybody else with the activation? 179 00:10:30.240 --> 00:10:31.120 That's it? 180 00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:33.440 OK. 181 00:10:33.440 --> 00:10:35.280 I get to. 182 00:10:35.280 --> 00:10:36.320 Oh, yeah. 183 00:10:36.320 --> 00:10:37.360 All right, perfect. 184 00:10:37.360 --> 00:10:41.800 So tonight, if you've been in, I got to do a session. 185 00:10:41.800 --> 00:10:43.360 I got to do, what is it? 186 00:10:43.360 --> 00:10:44.960 12 o'clock today. 187 00:10:44.960 --> 00:10:48.760 They were so wonderful, and they were so gracious. 188 00:10:48.760 --> 00:10:52.120 And so I get to now, if they've been at 12 o'clock, 189 00:10:52.120 --> 00:10:54.480 they've already seen, we've already talked about this. 190 00:10:54.480 --> 00:10:56.440 But tonight, we're going to talk about something 191 00:10:56.440 --> 00:10:59.600 that I believe that every one of us can benefit from. 192 00:10:59.600 --> 00:11:04.120 And we're going to be talking about confidence 193 00:11:04.120 --> 00:11:08.080 and overcoming insecurities and how those two things tie 194 00:11:08.080 --> 00:11:09.520 together. 195 00:11:09.520 --> 00:11:13.560 And they all loop into the heart. 196 00:11:13.560 --> 00:11:18.040 So whenever there is a trigger, whenever something's said 197 00:11:18.040 --> 00:11:19.960 or done, there's a trigger. 198 00:11:19.960 --> 00:11:22.440 Anytime there's a trigger, that's a red, 199 00:11:22.440 --> 00:11:24.760 that's a flag to you, that something's 200 00:11:24.760 --> 00:11:26.640 happening in my heart. 201 00:11:26.680 --> 00:11:29.160 And so usually, when there's something 202 00:11:29.160 --> 00:11:32.040 happening in your heart, you find 203 00:11:32.040 --> 00:11:35.320 that there is an insecurity there. 204 00:11:35.320 --> 00:11:39.640 Insecurities affect your confidence. 205 00:11:39.640 --> 00:11:42.760 Hence, when you are triggered or something, 206 00:11:42.760 --> 00:11:44.560 there's a breakdown along the way. 207 00:11:44.560 --> 00:11:46.520 Or you don't trust yourself, or you 208 00:11:46.520 --> 00:11:48.840 don't believe that you can make good decisions. 209 00:11:48.840 --> 00:11:50.440 You didn't wake up that way. 210 00:11:50.440 --> 00:11:51.800 It's coming from somewhere. 211 00:11:51.800 --> 00:11:54.040 It's coming from something that you believe. 212 00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:56.240 And so we're going to revisit what you 213 00:11:56.240 --> 00:11:59.840 talked about in heart work, phase one. 214 00:11:59.840 --> 00:12:00.960 That's where we're going. 215 00:12:00.960 --> 00:12:04.360 And I know a lot of times, I listen to Jackie. 216 00:12:04.360 --> 00:12:08.200 So Jolene, since this is your first time, 217 00:12:08.200 --> 00:12:10.680 I was in this program about three years ago. 218 00:12:10.680 --> 00:12:13.560 And I've been family ever since with this program. 219 00:12:13.560 --> 00:12:18.080 And I don't know if it's me, if I'm some kind of Jackie junkie. 220 00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:20.160 You know how they call those fans that are junkies. 221 00:12:20.160 --> 00:12:22.200 But I can listen to her over and over and over. 222 00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:24.080 And the teachings never get old. 223 00:12:24.080 --> 00:12:26.520 And they always touch a place in me. 224 00:12:26.520 --> 00:12:29.280 And so your heart work is something 225 00:12:29.280 --> 00:12:31.080 that you're going to revisit a lot of times. 226 00:12:31.080 --> 00:12:34.280 Because we believe sometimes when we come into the program, 227 00:12:34.280 --> 00:12:35.200 OK, I've done the heart work. 228 00:12:35.200 --> 00:12:36.360 Now I'm ready for a husband. 229 00:12:36.360 --> 00:12:37.320 Jesus, where is he? 230 00:12:37.320 --> 00:12:38.920 And why haven't you delivered him? 231 00:12:38.920 --> 00:12:40.320 Because I did my part. 232 00:12:40.320 --> 00:12:41.920 I did everything I was supposed to do. 233 00:12:41.920 --> 00:12:44.040 Now where is he? 234 00:12:44.040 --> 00:12:48.000 But ideally, as you grow in self-awareness, 235 00:12:48.000 --> 00:12:51.320 you understand that everything has to be walked out. 236 00:12:51.320 --> 00:12:54.800 Everything has to almost be cemented within you 237 00:12:54.800 --> 00:12:59.000 so that you can become that thing the same way you became 238 00:12:59.000 --> 00:13:00.280 everything else you were. 239 00:13:00.280 --> 00:13:02.840 Because it was a repetition of the same lie 240 00:13:02.840 --> 00:13:04.320 over and over and over. 241 00:13:04.320 --> 00:13:07.920 And that's why it doesn't just leave. 242 00:13:07.920 --> 00:13:12.520 And so if we take a look at what confidence is, 243 00:13:12.520 --> 00:13:14.840 a lot of people would say that they are confident. 244 00:13:14.840 --> 00:13:17.040 And their confidence in different areas. 245 00:13:17.040 --> 00:13:19.560 And so a confidence is a feeling or a belief 246 00:13:19.560 --> 00:13:26.400 that you have towards someone or something. 247 00:13:26.400 --> 00:13:28.440 But this particular confidence is the one 248 00:13:28.440 --> 00:13:31.360 that you have towards yourself or inwardly, 249 00:13:31.360 --> 00:13:33.680 what you feel about yourself. 250 00:13:33.680 --> 00:13:38.040 And the insecurities are uncertainties or an anxiety 251 00:13:38.040 --> 00:13:41.520 about oneself, a lack of confidence. 252 00:13:41.520 --> 00:13:43.720 Because wherever there's an insecurity, 253 00:13:43.720 --> 00:13:46.720 there's going to be a lack of confidence. 254 00:13:46.760 --> 00:13:53.840 Now, so we're going to discuss how your insecurities feed 255 00:13:53.840 --> 00:13:57.280 into your triggers. 256 00:13:57.280 --> 00:14:00.840 Whatever you're lacking in feeds into the triggers. 257 00:14:00.840 --> 00:14:02.960 Somebody triggers you, preferably. 258 00:14:02.960 --> 00:14:04.520 And in this stage, it will be a man. 259 00:14:04.520 --> 00:14:07.040 That's why this is such a good stage. 260 00:14:07.040 --> 00:14:09.240 Because nobody triggers you like a man triggers you. 261 00:14:09.240 --> 00:14:11.160 And nothing triggers you like letting somebody 262 00:14:11.160 --> 00:14:13.840 in close to those intimate spaces. 263 00:14:13.840 --> 00:14:16.000 And so that's why before now, you 264 00:14:16.000 --> 00:14:18.560 can't measure it because you ain't let nobody in yet. 265 00:14:18.560 --> 00:14:20.800 Kind of like the people who've been walking with Jesus 266 00:14:20.800 --> 00:14:21.520 a long time. 267 00:14:21.520 --> 00:14:22.880 And then they talk about everybody else 268 00:14:22.880 --> 00:14:24.120 because they ain't in no relationship. 269 00:14:24.120 --> 00:14:25.560 So they don't have nothing to worry about. 270 00:14:25.560 --> 00:14:27.840 Then when they get in one, they see how it feels. 271 00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:29.040 They see the pressure. 272 00:14:29.040 --> 00:14:30.920 And all of a sudden, now you're triggered. 273 00:14:30.920 --> 00:14:33.320 You didn't have anything to trigger you at first. 274 00:14:33.320 --> 00:14:35.880 Jesus does everything right until he 275 00:14:35.880 --> 00:14:37.240 do something you don't agree with 276 00:14:37.240 --> 00:14:38.680 and you think you should have did it differently. 277 00:14:38.680 --> 00:14:41.920 And then you start fussing and thinking and fussing. 278 00:14:41.960 --> 00:14:46.960 So give me one second. 279 00:14:46.960 --> 00:14:47.480 Oh, shoot. 280 00:14:53.120 --> 00:14:57.400 So let's talk about that. 281 00:14:57.400 --> 00:14:59.400 Because on the 282 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:02.960 community walls, and even in our sessions, 283 00:15:02.960 --> 00:15:05.040 we've been admitting that we don't trust. 284 00:15:05.040 --> 00:15:06.480 We think we're going to mess up. 285 00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:08.280 We think we're going to make a mistake. 286 00:15:08.280 --> 00:15:11.000 And we believe this because there are so many rules for us 287 00:15:11.000 --> 00:15:12.240 to keep up with. 288 00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:14.320 This program doesn't have so many rules. 289 00:15:14.320 --> 00:15:16.240 This program has boundaries to help 290 00:15:16.240 --> 00:15:20.120 you develop relationships at a pace and safe way that 291 00:15:20.120 --> 00:15:21.720 guards your heart. 292 00:15:21.720 --> 00:15:26.520 But because you are not used to operating in order, 293 00:15:26.520 --> 00:15:29.360 it feels like it's a lot because you're not 294 00:15:29.360 --> 00:15:33.480 used to actually developing healthy relationships, 295 00:15:33.480 --> 00:15:37.760 preferably, and specifically, romantic relationships. 296 00:15:37.760 --> 00:15:43.480 You believe that how you feel dictates how you behave. 297 00:15:43.480 --> 00:15:47.240 And so if it feels good, it must be good and the right thing 298 00:15:47.240 --> 00:15:49.760 to do, except for in this area of your life, 299 00:15:49.760 --> 00:15:51.680 you know that it doesn't work. 300 00:15:51.680 --> 00:15:56.160 But you are insistent on doing the same thing again 301 00:15:56.160 --> 00:15:59.800 every time you get that good feeling. 302 00:15:59.800 --> 00:16:03.120 And there's something within you because it feels so good, 303 00:16:03.120 --> 00:16:06.960 you will override wisdom to do it again, 304 00:16:06.960 --> 00:16:09.160 and then to be hurt again. 305 00:16:09.160 --> 00:16:10.920 And what happens is when we don't 306 00:16:10.920 --> 00:16:14.040 have an understanding of what the root cause is, 307 00:16:14.040 --> 00:16:17.840 we will blame the person by saying they were narcissistic. 308 00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:19.560 They were abusive. 309 00:16:19.560 --> 00:16:21.520 They were manipulative. 310 00:16:21.520 --> 00:16:26.000 They love-bombed me. 311 00:16:26.000 --> 00:16:28.360 How did they do it if you weren't a participant? 312 00:16:31.400 --> 00:16:32.800 Did they hold you down? 313 00:16:32.800 --> 00:16:33.920 Who selected them? 314 00:16:38.120 --> 00:16:40.920 Who did the picking? 315 00:16:40.920 --> 00:16:45.120 And when we skip over the picker to accuse the other person, 316 00:16:45.120 --> 00:16:49.200 you'll never get to the core of what's happening. 317 00:16:49.200 --> 00:16:50.240 Let me give you an example. 318 00:16:50.480 --> 00:16:53.960 If a man is successful at love-bombing you 319 00:16:53.960 --> 00:16:56.720 and you don't recognize that he's love-bombing you, 320 00:16:56.720 --> 00:16:58.880 this is not a criticism to you. 321 00:16:58.880 --> 00:17:02.040 But that means you were so hungry for affection 322 00:17:02.040 --> 00:17:04.760 that you didn't notice somebody shouldn't be talking to you 323 00:17:04.760 --> 00:17:06.480 on the second day about how you're going 324 00:17:06.480 --> 00:17:07.760 to spend your future with them. 325 00:17:11.319 --> 00:17:13.040 That whoosh, that went right past you, 326 00:17:13.040 --> 00:17:16.839 that a complete stranger is planning your future with you. 327 00:17:16.880 --> 00:17:19.000 And what vacations will be like and what children 328 00:17:19.000 --> 00:17:21.280 will be like, and you think is just dreaming? 329 00:17:23.960 --> 00:17:27.040 That's not a criticism, but that's a thing. 330 00:17:27.040 --> 00:17:29.160 Now, if you were outside of that, you'll be like, 331 00:17:29.160 --> 00:17:30.640 no, I don't think. 332 00:17:30.640 --> 00:17:32.840 But it's something when you get caught up in it 333 00:17:32.840 --> 00:17:34.600 and you're in it and you're going, 334 00:17:34.600 --> 00:17:37.320 there's a deficit there and they're filling it. 335 00:17:37.320 --> 00:17:40.160 So they weren't the only ones that benefited from it. 336 00:17:40.160 --> 00:17:43.560 You benefited from it because it filled a place 337 00:17:43.600 --> 00:17:45.400 for you that was void. 338 00:17:45.400 --> 00:17:48.880 And so when we get into, when we start dealing with things 339 00:17:48.880 --> 00:17:52.680 that resonate down on the inside of us, that's happening, 340 00:17:52.680 --> 00:17:55.520 we can identify, why did I let them treat me like that? 341 00:17:57.640 --> 00:18:00.600 Why did I let that person talk to me like that? 342 00:18:00.600 --> 00:18:03.040 Those are the questions you want to start asking yourself 343 00:18:03.040 --> 00:18:05.960 because a lot of times we will find that at the core, 344 00:18:05.960 --> 00:18:07.760 we let people treat us a certain way 345 00:18:07.760 --> 00:18:10.080 because we don't believe that we're worthy of that. 346 00:18:10.080 --> 00:18:12.200 We don't believe that we're worthy of that. 347 00:18:12.200 --> 00:18:15.640 We don't believe that we're worthy of anything better. 348 00:18:15.640 --> 00:18:19.400 We don't believe we deserve what's best or higher, 349 00:18:19.400 --> 00:18:20.880 like anything higher. 350 00:18:20.880 --> 00:18:21.720 And so, 351 00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:27.600 let me ask you something. 352 00:18:27.600 --> 00:18:32.600 If you were talking to a guy and everything was going good, 353 00:18:32.680 --> 00:18:37.680 it's been about four days and it seemed like he was good, 354 00:18:37.920 --> 00:18:41.400 committed to righteousness, had good conversation. 355 00:18:41.440 --> 00:18:44.240 And he just, all of a sudden stopped talking to you. 356 00:18:44.240 --> 00:18:46.720 Out the blue, stopped talking to you. 357 00:18:46.720 --> 00:18:50.120 Share with me in the chat, what do you believe has happened? 358 00:18:54.720 --> 00:18:57.480 You were liking him, he was liking you, 359 00:18:57.480 --> 00:18:58.960 seemed like it was going good. 360 00:18:58.960 --> 00:19:00.640 Okay, he found someone else. 361 00:19:12.400 --> 00:19:15.160 I wasn't good enough. 362 00:19:15.160 --> 00:19:17.240 He's not emotionally ready. 363 00:19:17.240 --> 00:19:18.520 I said something wrong. 364 00:19:18.520 --> 00:19:19.840 I did something wrong. 365 00:19:19.840 --> 00:19:23.080 He was talking to multiple women or I said something wrong. 366 00:19:23.080 --> 00:19:25.020 I wonder if he was true. 367 00:19:28.800 --> 00:19:30.540 He's busy with something else. 368 00:19:36.200 --> 00:19:38.000 He lost interest for whatever reasons. 369 00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:39.240 What did I do? 370 00:19:41.840 --> 00:19:45.800 Some men are just blown and bored 371 00:19:45.800 --> 00:19:46.920 and not ready for a relationship, 372 00:19:46.920 --> 00:19:47.760 definitely not marriage. 373 00:19:47.760 --> 00:19:48.680 That is true. 374 00:19:49.840 --> 00:19:51.120 He got scared when thinking about 375 00:19:51.120 --> 00:19:52.520 what a serious relationship would mean for him. 376 00:19:52.520 --> 00:19:54.240 Maybe he didn't want to give up his freedom 377 00:19:54.240 --> 00:19:56.000 or start flirting with other women. 378 00:19:57.040 --> 00:20:00.040 Okay, and so this is kind of a mixture of things. 379 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.000 that's happening, but I guarantee busy with something else. 380 00:20:05.160 --> 00:20:09.280 If I counted up how many eyes, I did something wrong. 381 00:20:10.440 --> 00:20:12.440 I must've said something wrong. 382 00:20:12.440 --> 00:20:16.820 That immediate thought to say, what did I do wrong? 383 00:20:18.480 --> 00:20:21.080 For those of us, I know, that's what I be, I. 384 00:20:22.280 --> 00:20:26.000 I don't know what happened, I wonder what could have happened. 385 00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:28.560 And sometimes I replay my conversation. 386 00:20:28.600 --> 00:20:30.640 I'll look back at the text message like, 387 00:20:30.640 --> 00:20:33.280 what actually happened here? 388 00:20:33.280 --> 00:20:35.760 And that's a normal thing, right? 389 00:20:37.080 --> 00:20:38.560 That's a normal thing. 390 00:20:38.560 --> 00:20:41.960 He was processing, we weren't a match, right? 391 00:20:41.960 --> 00:20:45.080 So that's a normal thing to wonder what was said, 392 00:20:45.080 --> 00:20:47.940 like just double checking yourself. 393 00:20:47.940 --> 00:20:52.380 But sometimes we immediately go to what did I do wrong? 394 00:20:54.300 --> 00:20:56.800 When you didn't do anything, 395 00:20:56.800 --> 00:20:59.840 you were just having a conversation with this person 396 00:20:59.840 --> 00:21:03.160 and they decide to drop out the face of the earth. 397 00:21:03.160 --> 00:21:05.040 What they decided to do actually 398 00:21:05.040 --> 00:21:06.440 has nothing to do with you. 399 00:21:06.440 --> 00:21:09.020 It has to do with their decision that they made. 400 00:21:11.480 --> 00:21:16.040 And this is the same root cause when somebody says 401 00:21:16.040 --> 00:21:18.620 that when someone doesn't choose us, 402 00:21:18.620 --> 00:21:20.660 that we believe it's because of us 403 00:21:20.660 --> 00:21:22.940 or that our name is now rejection 404 00:21:22.940 --> 00:21:24.560 because they chose to walk away. 405 00:21:24.560 --> 00:21:27.400 And so you in turn don't wanna tell a person 406 00:21:27.400 --> 00:21:29.400 when you're no longer interested. 407 00:21:29.400 --> 00:21:33.000 You stay into things because you don't want to say to them, 408 00:21:33.000 --> 00:21:36.040 no, because you, this is what you think of, 409 00:21:36.040 --> 00:21:37.980 no, what did I do wrong? 410 00:21:39.120 --> 00:21:43.000 And you don't want someone else to feel the way you feel. 411 00:21:43.000 --> 00:21:45.200 Are y'all with me on that? 412 00:21:45.200 --> 00:21:47.280 Because this is how you feel when something goes wrong, 413 00:21:47.280 --> 00:21:48.760 that you must've done something. 414 00:21:48.760 --> 00:21:50.760 And so when you wanna walk away from something, 415 00:21:50.760 --> 00:21:54.960 you don't take your choice to have a choice. 416 00:21:58.360 --> 00:22:01.520 Because you think if you take your choice to have a choice, 417 00:22:01.520 --> 00:22:04.560 it's gonna be, somebody's gonna feel bad. 418 00:22:05.860 --> 00:22:08.400 Like you feel bad if someone uses their power 419 00:22:08.400 --> 00:22:10.920 to make a choice and not talk to you anymore. 420 00:22:10.920 --> 00:22:13.360 Because the truth is, that's all they did. 421 00:22:14.440 --> 00:22:15.320 Does it suck? 422 00:22:15.320 --> 00:22:16.160 Yeah. 423 00:22:16.160 --> 00:22:17.640 Did it not feel so good? 424 00:22:17.640 --> 00:22:18.540 It's true. 425 00:22:18.540 --> 00:22:21.540 But it was their choice and it was on them. 426 00:22:21.540 --> 00:22:24.460 And so our responses to when something happens 427 00:22:24.460 --> 00:22:26.360 tells us what could possibly be happening 428 00:22:26.360 --> 00:22:27.860 on the inside of our heart. 429 00:22:27.860 --> 00:22:30.620 And we have to go and deal with that thing 430 00:22:30.620 --> 00:22:32.580 that's happening in our heart. 431 00:22:32.580 --> 00:22:35.700 Because why is it so important? 432 00:22:35.700 --> 00:22:37.660 Because if you don't deal with what's happening 433 00:22:37.660 --> 00:22:40.000 in your heart, it's still you. 434 00:22:41.660 --> 00:22:44.320 And when you get married, it's gonna be you. 435 00:22:45.460 --> 00:22:47.700 And when you get married, it's gonna be you 436 00:22:47.700 --> 00:22:49.700 and they gonna have to live with you. 437 00:22:50.620 --> 00:22:53.020 And you're not gonna suppress it and keep it to yourself 438 00:22:53.020 --> 00:22:54.780 because you are gonna show up. 439 00:22:56.860 --> 00:22:59.380 And when you learn to deal with you, 440 00:22:59.380 --> 00:23:02.500 it teaches you how to have grace with other people. 441 00:23:02.500 --> 00:23:05.980 Because you now understand that it takes time to grow 442 00:23:05.980 --> 00:23:09.020 and people are complex in nature. 443 00:23:10.660 --> 00:23:14.620 And that how they show up is usually an indication 444 00:23:14.620 --> 00:23:16.720 of what's happening in their heart. 445 00:23:18.700 --> 00:23:23.100 It has something to do with how they see themselves. 446 00:23:23.100 --> 00:23:25.940 Our behavior points back to our identity. 447 00:23:27.980 --> 00:23:32.420 Okay, so we're gonna go back to revealing for healing 448 00:23:32.420 --> 00:23:34.620 what's in the heart work and there's nothing wrong with it 449 00:23:34.620 --> 00:23:36.660 because you're working out the things 450 00:23:36.660 --> 00:23:38.220 that you learned in heart work. 451 00:23:38.220 --> 00:23:39.940 That's what this phase is about. 452 00:23:39.940 --> 00:23:44.940 And that's why dating for discovery is such a genius idea. 453 00:23:45.580 --> 00:23:49.620 Okay, because you get the triggers at low stakes 454 00:23:49.620 --> 00:23:51.280 with you being in control. 455 00:23:52.220 --> 00:23:55.260 Anytime you can date low stakes, 456 00:23:55.260 --> 00:23:57.480 it keeps you in more control. 457 00:23:58.380 --> 00:24:02.620 But when you start dating with expectations, 458 00:24:02.620 --> 00:24:04.660 high expectations, are you this? 459 00:24:04.660 --> 00:24:05.500 Are you that? 460 00:24:05.500 --> 00:24:06.320 Are you this? 461 00:24:06.320 --> 00:24:07.160 Are you that? 462 00:24:07.160 --> 00:24:08.000 You gotta be this. 463 00:24:08.000 --> 00:24:08.820 You gotta be that. 464 00:24:08.820 --> 00:24:09.660 You gotta be this. 465 00:24:09.660 --> 00:24:10.500 You gotta be that. 466 00:24:10.500 --> 00:24:11.320 You lack self-awareness. 467 00:24:13.220 --> 00:24:14.660 And that is the truth. 468 00:24:15.660 --> 00:24:17.900 Anytime you have a measuring rod 469 00:24:17.900 --> 00:24:22.900 for somebody you don't know, you lack self-awareness. 470 00:24:23.020 --> 00:24:25.620 You lack the complexity of people 471 00:24:25.620 --> 00:24:28.060 knowing the complexity of people. 472 00:24:28.060 --> 00:24:30.580 There's this belief that if they told me this, 473 00:24:30.580 --> 00:24:31.900 it must be true. 474 00:24:31.900 --> 00:24:34.260 That is not true. 475 00:24:34.260 --> 00:24:35.980 You can tell people something 476 00:24:35.980 --> 00:24:39.220 and it means absolutely nothing. 477 00:24:39.220 --> 00:24:42.020 And so when you say, oh, they checked all of my boxes. 478 00:24:42.020 --> 00:24:44.060 You only know them for two days. 479 00:24:45.700 --> 00:24:47.860 You don't know them. 480 00:24:47.860 --> 00:24:50.380 It takes time to know a person. 481 00:24:50.380 --> 00:24:52.860 And when you get to the end of your month, 482 00:24:52.860 --> 00:24:55.780 only thing you have to show for your broken heart 483 00:24:55.780 --> 00:24:57.620 is, well, he said. 484 00:24:57.620 --> 00:24:59.940 He said, he said. 485 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.520 He said, he said, he said, he said. 486 00:25:05.720 --> 00:25:07.240 And then everybody around you go, 487 00:25:07.240 --> 00:25:10.680 oh, they so wrong for treating you that way. 488 00:25:10.680 --> 00:25:13.200 How could he do that? 489 00:25:13.200 --> 00:25:15.160 And I'm not like criticizing you, 490 00:25:15.160 --> 00:25:18.520 but I am telling you that you have to deal 491 00:25:18.520 --> 00:25:20.440 with what's happening in your heart 492 00:25:20.440 --> 00:25:23.440 so that you can show up in a level of awareness 493 00:25:23.440 --> 00:25:26.000 where you're not a victim. 494 00:25:26.000 --> 00:25:29.320 You don't have to live with walls all around you. 495 00:25:30.480 --> 00:25:31.760 You don't have to live that way. 496 00:25:31.760 --> 00:25:32.720 You don't have to. 497 00:25:32.720 --> 00:25:34.800 One thing that I did, and I'm gonna share this with you, 498 00:25:34.800 --> 00:25:37.920 and it goes back to what's happening in the heart. 499 00:25:37.920 --> 00:25:41.640 When I came into this program, I hated men. 500 00:25:41.640 --> 00:25:43.480 I didn't know I hated men. 501 00:25:43.480 --> 00:25:45.400 Jackie told me I hated men. 502 00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:51.720 My goal, I was a believer, a leader in ministry, 503 00:25:52.600 --> 00:25:54.200 and I wanted a husband. 504 00:25:55.360 --> 00:25:59.880 I didn't know I hated men, but I could tell you this. 505 00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:02.800 My goal for every man I talked to was to sit down 506 00:26:02.800 --> 00:26:04.000 at the table and prove to him 507 00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:05.640 why he wasn't good enough for me. 508 00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:09.680 And I had a list longer than your arm 509 00:26:11.120 --> 00:26:13.320 because I didn't understand me. 510 00:26:13.320 --> 00:26:15.720 I had a list that protected me, 511 00:26:15.720 --> 00:26:18.000 and I would have never got a husband that way 512 00:26:18.000 --> 00:26:21.880 because I had more walls than this house on me. 513 00:26:23.280 --> 00:26:26.720 And I did it all out of self-protection. 514 00:26:26.720 --> 00:26:28.240 And when they said to me, you hate me, 515 00:26:28.240 --> 00:26:29.400 I was like, where you get that from? 516 00:26:29.920 --> 00:26:30.760 I was like, no, you're just giving back me 517 00:26:30.760 --> 00:26:31.880 and what they gave you. 518 00:26:33.240 --> 00:26:34.720 The father that abandoned you, 519 00:26:34.720 --> 00:26:36.360 the stepfather that abandoned you, 520 00:26:36.360 --> 00:26:37.720 the one that molested you, 521 00:26:37.720 --> 00:26:40.600 the husband that did this, the man that did this. 522 00:26:40.600 --> 00:26:43.800 Every man in my life only fed me bitterness. 523 00:26:43.800 --> 00:26:46.840 What did I have to give back? 524 00:26:46.840 --> 00:26:50.800 And so I had a deep-seated belief 525 00:26:50.800 --> 00:26:53.560 that all a man wanted to do was for me to pick him up 526 00:26:53.560 --> 00:26:55.760 and carry him on my back. 527 00:26:56.640 --> 00:26:58.360 And I'm sick of weak men. 528 00:26:59.800 --> 00:27:02.640 And if you're not weak, prove why you're not weak. 529 00:27:04.040 --> 00:27:06.720 And that's what I thought of men, 530 00:27:06.720 --> 00:27:09.040 the one who wanted to be married 531 00:27:09.040 --> 00:27:12.080 and was believing the Lord for her love story. 532 00:27:13.720 --> 00:27:17.200 So therein lies a problem. 533 00:27:17.200 --> 00:27:18.840 If you had to listen to my, 534 00:27:18.840 --> 00:27:21.000 now that you're listening to my story, 535 00:27:21.000 --> 00:27:22.520 how many husbands did you, 536 00:27:22.520 --> 00:27:25.560 how many men did you think I would draw 537 00:27:25.560 --> 00:27:28.440 with that inner thing working inside of me? 538 00:27:29.400 --> 00:27:31.000 And so, because I believed 539 00:27:31.000 --> 00:27:34.360 that somebody was out to use me and misuse me, 540 00:27:34.360 --> 00:27:37.440 I had a rule allowing me, 541 00:27:37.440 --> 00:27:40.320 baby, that was tighter than glue. 542 00:27:40.320 --> 00:27:43.000 I was going to listen to you. 543 00:27:43.000 --> 00:27:44.840 And I was a tape recorder. 544 00:27:44.840 --> 00:27:46.280 And the moment you lied to me, 545 00:27:46.280 --> 00:27:47.680 I could bring back up the truth 546 00:27:47.680 --> 00:27:49.880 of exactly what you said and when you said it, 547 00:27:49.880 --> 00:27:52.640 because nobody was gonna ever get over on me again. 548 00:27:54.280 --> 00:27:56.960 I didn't know that when you're healthy and whole, 549 00:27:56.960 --> 00:27:58.360 you don't have to guard yourself 550 00:27:58.680 --> 00:28:00.560 from someone getting over on you 551 00:28:00.560 --> 00:28:02.600 because you can recognize the behavior 552 00:28:02.600 --> 00:28:06.080 and give it back to them what belongs to them. 553 00:28:06.080 --> 00:28:07.120 You really can say, 554 00:28:07.120 --> 00:28:08.800 oh, it seems like he has a problem 555 00:28:08.800 --> 00:28:11.000 with keeping up with the truth. 556 00:28:11.000 --> 00:28:12.560 I see that we don't align. 557 00:28:14.360 --> 00:28:15.520 That's a thing. 558 00:28:17.280 --> 00:28:19.360 When you grow, you don't become defensive 559 00:28:19.360 --> 00:28:21.520 because somebody lied to you. 560 00:28:21.520 --> 00:28:23.800 You can just say, hey, that did not feel good, 561 00:28:23.800 --> 00:28:25.840 but I understand that you need, 562 00:28:25.840 --> 00:28:27.800 you got some more growing to do. 563 00:28:28.240 --> 00:28:29.200 And we don't align. 564 00:28:31.240 --> 00:28:34.640 And so that's the power of getting to the root 565 00:28:34.640 --> 00:28:37.680 of the issues in the heart and dealing with them 566 00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:40.600 so that you won't live a life on defense 567 00:28:40.600 --> 00:28:42.800 and offended every time. 568 00:28:42.800 --> 00:28:44.800 What tells us that something is happening? 569 00:28:44.800 --> 00:28:46.280 I know this is a repeat. 570 00:28:46.280 --> 00:28:47.640 It is the trigger. 571 00:28:47.640 --> 00:28:49.480 How do you get the trigger? 572 00:28:49.480 --> 00:28:51.280 You need to date somebody. 573 00:28:52.160 --> 00:28:54.600 If you're not dating, you can get a trigger from your job. 574 00:28:54.600 --> 00:28:56.720 You can get a trigger from someone in your family, 575 00:28:56.720 --> 00:28:58.440 but whenever the trigger comes 576 00:28:58.440 --> 00:29:02.200 in any type of relationship, don't ignore the anger. 577 00:29:02.200 --> 00:29:05.440 Let your first question be, what's happening? 578 00:29:05.440 --> 00:29:06.360 That's my question. 579 00:29:06.360 --> 00:29:08.000 I'm my own coach in my own head. 580 00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:09.240 What just happened, Ebony? 581 00:29:09.240 --> 00:29:10.520 Why do you feel this way? 582 00:29:12.040 --> 00:29:13.680 Why are you this angry? 583 00:29:13.680 --> 00:29:15.760 Why are you this offended? 584 00:29:15.760 --> 00:29:19.360 Why won't you start rehearsing this thing in your mind? 585 00:29:19.360 --> 00:29:21.200 Because I want to get to the bottom 586 00:29:21.200 --> 00:29:23.200 of what's costing me my peace. 587 00:29:23.200 --> 00:29:28.200 Okay, so Jackie said in one of the teachings 588 00:29:32.120 --> 00:29:35.120 and I encourage you guys to go back and take a look at it. 589 00:29:35.120 --> 00:29:38.280 And in this teaching, it was revealing for healing. 590 00:29:38.280 --> 00:29:41.480 It's in your phase one course content. 591 00:29:41.480 --> 00:29:43.320 You have access to it. 592 00:29:43.320 --> 00:29:45.800 It's a 14 minute session. 593 00:29:45.800 --> 00:29:47.240 Cause you know, all of those teachings 594 00:29:47.240 --> 00:29:48.480 are just like 14 minutes. 595 00:29:49.640 --> 00:29:52.760 She says that we can't take the facts of our life 596 00:29:53.320 --> 00:29:54.360 and make them truth. 597 00:29:55.520 --> 00:29:59.480 That what's a fact you can't say is the truth. 598 00:29:59.480 --> 00:30:00.320 And so. 599 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.640 Oh, I don't know if you guys looked at the community wall 600 00:30:02.640 --> 00:30:05.720 and Jacinta was sharing that all her life, 601 00:30:05.720 --> 00:30:09.360 she believed that men always wanted something. 602 00:30:09.360 --> 00:30:11.400 So she never asked a man for anything 603 00:30:11.400 --> 00:30:12.900 because if she asked him, she knew 604 00:30:12.900 --> 00:30:14.720 he would want something in return. 605 00:30:14.720 --> 00:30:16.320 I could understand that. 606 00:30:16.320 --> 00:30:17.840 I believe that as well. 607 00:30:17.840 --> 00:30:19.440 She said, but doing this activation, 608 00:30:19.440 --> 00:30:20.640 I asked a man for something. 609 00:30:20.640 --> 00:30:23.160 He was happy to help me, and he didn't want anything back 610 00:30:23.160 --> 00:30:25.040 at all. 611 00:30:25.040 --> 00:30:28.480 And so I now see that I was believing a lie all of this 612 00:30:28.480 --> 00:30:33.720 time, that every man just wants something from me. 613 00:30:33.720 --> 00:30:36.880 And so that's one of the things where she believed this lie 614 00:30:36.880 --> 00:30:41.560 and she made it truth for all men. 615 00:30:41.560 --> 00:30:45.440 That was a fact that happened in her life or an experience 616 00:30:45.440 --> 00:30:48.160 she had, but it wasn't truth. 617 00:30:48.160 --> 00:30:52.160 And so what we have to do is take whatever facts or things 618 00:30:52.160 --> 00:30:55.280 that are resonating with us and hold them up against God's 619 00:30:55.280 --> 00:30:57.400 truth and ask Holy Spirit, what do I 620 00:30:57.440 --> 00:30:59.520 do with this thing that I believe? 621 00:30:59.520 --> 00:31:01.880 If you dig deep enough, you'll find out 622 00:31:01.880 --> 00:31:04.000 what you believe in your heart. 623 00:31:04.000 --> 00:31:06.520 All you have to do is keep questioning what you're doing. 624 00:31:06.520 --> 00:31:08.240 Question your behaviors. 625 00:31:08.240 --> 00:31:09.680 Why are you showing up this way? 626 00:31:09.680 --> 00:31:11.120 Why are you offended? 627 00:31:11.120 --> 00:31:13.200 Why did that bother you so much? 628 00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:17.600 Don't question them, question yourself. 629 00:31:17.600 --> 00:31:20.320 Because if you get to the bottom of what's happening in you, 630 00:31:20.320 --> 00:31:23.320 you won't show up to the table blaming. 631 00:31:23.320 --> 00:31:26.120 You'll know how to give somebody back what belongs to them, 632 00:31:26.120 --> 00:31:28.320 and you'll know how to take what belongs to you. 633 00:31:28.320 --> 00:31:30.560 And you'll know how to walk away in peace 634 00:31:30.560 --> 00:31:31.720 because that's what you do. 635 00:31:31.720 --> 00:31:33.400 I give you back your lies. 636 00:31:33.400 --> 00:31:36.760 I take back my vulnerability, my openness. 637 00:31:36.760 --> 00:31:39.160 You had a great opportunity to get to know a great person, 638 00:31:39.160 --> 00:31:41.120 and you get to keep walking away. 639 00:31:41.120 --> 00:31:43.160 And you can be at peace. 640 00:31:43.160 --> 00:31:46.440 And so we're going to debunk. 641 00:31:46.440 --> 00:31:48.160 That's what we're going to do. 642 00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:49.760 We're going to actually do this now. 643 00:31:49.760 --> 00:31:52.080 This is going to be your activation for the week. 644 00:31:52.080 --> 00:31:54.320 You're going to begin asking Holy Spirit, 645 00:31:54.360 --> 00:31:58.160 show me the places in my life that I believe in a lie. 646 00:31:58.160 --> 00:32:00.880 Show me the things that you want me to release 647 00:32:00.880 --> 00:32:03.560 so that I can accept God's truth. 648 00:32:03.560 --> 00:32:05.360 And so I'll read back through that 649 00:32:05.360 --> 00:32:06.480 so you guys can write it down. 650 00:32:06.480 --> 00:32:10.400 I'm also going to post it when we're done with this session. 651 00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:13.240 And so one of the things that Jackie teaches in that session 652 00:32:13.240 --> 00:32:16.760 is that you cannot erase your past. 653 00:32:18.360 --> 00:32:20.880 You can't erase the experiences. 654 00:32:20.880 --> 00:32:23.360 You can't erase what happened to you, 655 00:32:23.400 --> 00:32:25.720 but you can replace it. 656 00:32:27.200 --> 00:32:32.200 And honestly, most of the things, if you overcome them, 657 00:32:32.800 --> 00:32:34.840 they become your testimony. 658 00:32:34.840 --> 00:32:37.600 They become the thing that you help somebody else with. 659 00:32:38.560 --> 00:32:40.120 Everything that we learn, 660 00:32:40.120 --> 00:32:43.040 every teaching that Jackie gives comes from her 661 00:32:43.040 --> 00:32:45.200 digging deep enough and not stopping 662 00:32:45.200 --> 00:32:49.520 until she got the truth so we can glean from her wisdom, 663 00:32:49.520 --> 00:32:51.480 if that makes sense. 664 00:32:51.480 --> 00:32:54.280 And so we don't have to erase those things. 665 00:32:54.280 --> 00:32:58.920 We can't keep calling them truth and we will replace them, 666 00:32:58.920 --> 00:33:01.440 or you have the option to replace them. 667 00:33:01.440 --> 00:33:04.600 And so how do we do this? 668 00:33:04.600 --> 00:33:07.520 The same way the lies got there, 669 00:33:07.520 --> 00:33:11.200 the untruths got there by repetition, 670 00:33:11.200 --> 00:33:13.360 it's the same way you replace them. 671 00:33:13.360 --> 00:33:14.880 Am I saying you're going to keep declaring something 672 00:33:14.880 --> 00:33:16.240 over and over and over till it hits? 673 00:33:16.240 --> 00:33:18.640 No, that's not what I'm saying to you. 674 00:33:18.640 --> 00:33:22.160 I'm saying you're going to confess the lie. 675 00:33:22.160 --> 00:33:24.880 You're going to repent for the lie. 676 00:33:24.880 --> 00:33:26.800 And then you're going to ask the Lord, 677 00:33:26.800 --> 00:33:28.200 what do you have for me? 678 00:33:28.200 --> 00:33:29.600 Why repent? 679 00:33:29.600 --> 00:33:32.200 I thought repent means when you do something wrong. 680 00:33:32.200 --> 00:33:35.320 I thought repent means when you feel bad. 681 00:33:35.320 --> 00:33:38.080 Repentance means it is essence. 682 00:33:38.080 --> 00:33:41.440 Sometimes you do do things and you grieve and you repent 683 00:33:41.440 --> 00:33:43.760 and you're grieving and you're hurting. 684 00:33:43.760 --> 00:33:46.800 But repentance just within itself is to say, 685 00:33:46.800 --> 00:33:49.600 my way was the wrong way. 686 00:33:49.600 --> 00:33:54.480 I'm not going to turn around or turn the other way 687 00:33:54.480 --> 00:33:57.480 and accept your way, God, as the best way, 688 00:33:57.480 --> 00:33:59.520 as the highest way. 689 00:33:59.520 --> 00:34:02.200 And so I repent for partnering with the lie 690 00:34:02.200 --> 00:34:04.320 that I'm not worthy of love. 691 00:34:04.320 --> 00:34:06.200 I repent for partnering with the lie 692 00:34:06.200 --> 00:34:07.800 that I am not good enough. 693 00:34:09.440 --> 00:34:11.480 I repent for partnering with the lie 694 00:34:11.480 --> 00:34:12.960 that my way is better than you 695 00:34:12.960 --> 00:34:15.320 just because my way makes me feel safe. 696 00:34:17.400 --> 00:34:21.400 I repent for accusing you of not performing for me 697 00:34:21.400 --> 00:34:23.080 the way I thought you should. 698 00:34:24.440 --> 00:34:26.800 I now want to trust that you're working things out 699 00:34:26.800 --> 00:34:28.320 for my highest good. 700 00:34:30.239 --> 00:34:32.040 Something like that, right? 701 00:34:32.040 --> 00:34:35.239 And so you confess what's happening. 702 00:34:35.239 --> 00:34:37.360 How do we confess what's happening? 703 00:34:37.360 --> 00:34:39.560 You got to track it down. 704 00:34:39.560 --> 00:34:41.719 And the trigger is what helps you. 705 00:34:43.040 --> 00:34:45.960 And that's why it's such a genius process. 706 00:34:45.960 --> 00:34:47.440 And so I don't know if you guys remember, 707 00:34:47.440 --> 00:34:49.760 but you had a revealing for healing chart 708 00:34:49.760 --> 00:34:52.480 and it starts with the trigger. 709 00:34:52.480 --> 00:34:54.280 And so whenever the trigger comes, 710 00:34:54.280 --> 00:34:58.000 you ask yourself or you ask Holy Spirit, what is this? 711 00:34:59.280 --> 00:35:00.120 What lie? 712 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.760 Am I believing and then you're going to get to the bottom of it you ask that question and you're going to say oh 713 00:35:06.000 --> 00:35:07.760 Why do I believe this lie? 714 00:35:07.760 --> 00:35:11.680 When did I first start believing this lie and then you're going to get an answer 715 00:35:12.160 --> 00:35:16.160 And then you're going to make a decision you're going to have an invitation in front of you 716 00:35:16.720 --> 00:35:19.520 Do I want to hold on to it or do I want to release it? 717 00:35:21.360 --> 00:35:26.480 And when you choose that you want to release it you're then going to ask the lord what can I replace it with 718 00:35:26.960 --> 00:35:32.160 It's so important that you replace because what you have to understand there are no empty spaces 719 00:35:33.040 --> 00:35:36.640 It's going to be filled with something. That's just not how it works 720 00:35:37.200 --> 00:35:39.680 There are no empty spaces in the heart 721 00:35:40.720 --> 00:35:45.600 There are no empty spaces anywhere. It's either going to be filled with one thing or the other 722 00:35:46.320 --> 00:35:48.640 The heart is an instrument of belief 723 00:35:49.120 --> 00:35:54.800 And so as soon as you uproot the lie, you have to plant the seed of truth in it 724 00:35:55.680 --> 00:36:02.320 And when you plant that seed you keep working that over and over and over until it 725 00:36:02.620 --> 00:36:06.080 Produces in your life and it will produce in your life 726 00:36:07.920 --> 00:36:12.240 It's only a matter of time and so someone asked a question 727 00:36:13.040 --> 00:36:15.040 They said I know 728 00:36:15.360 --> 00:36:20.000 That i'm anxious. I know that i'm this way. What do I do about it? 729 00:36:20.880 --> 00:36:27.120 Just because you still have feelings you still have memory it doesn't mean you have to be it 730 00:36:28.640 --> 00:36:32.240 Many years ago. I was much more of an anxious attacher 731 00:36:33.520 --> 00:36:40.960 I was aware of that being the way that I learned love from my childhood. It was I learned it that way 732 00:36:42.720 --> 00:36:48.400 So, what do I do when that anxious attacher shows up I just lean in the other direction 733 00:36:50.160 --> 00:36:53.860 I say oh I see you anxious attacher, but that's not how we operate 734 00:36:55.680 --> 00:37:02.180 And I lean in the healthy direction I don't fear anxious attachment 735 00:37:03.760 --> 00:37:06.660 Because all I have to do is lean in the other direction 736 00:37:07.760 --> 00:37:14.640 There are some things that may stay with you forever. It's not about what stays with you. It's about what you do with it 737 00:37:15.440 --> 00:37:17.280 When it shows up 738 00:37:17.280 --> 00:37:19.280 Does that make sense? 739 00:37:19.840 --> 00:37:24.000 Good i'm glad it makes sense. And so I want it's everything 740 00:37:25.200 --> 00:37:27.680 Okay, I don't have um 741 00:37:28.960 --> 00:37:30.960 Give me one second 742 00:37:50.160 --> 00:37:51.040 Sorry 743 00:37:51.040 --> 00:37:56.240 I'm at home alone and all the lights were off on the other part of the house and that just was just a little too 744 00:37:57.360 --> 00:38:01.680 That was just a little too too creepy for me. I didn't like that. Sorry. Okay, so 745 00:38:02.720 --> 00:38:04.080 um 746 00:38:04.080 --> 00:38:07.040 We'll we'll do that. Let's do a little bit of that activation now 747 00:38:07.120 --> 00:38:09.520 So I want us to take a moment and ask holy spirit 748 00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:14.400 Just say holy spirit or I say it for you. You can close your eyes. You need to think 749 00:38:15.040 --> 00:38:21.860 Holy spirit, what lie am I believing about myself that you would like me to release? 750 00:38:21.860 --> 00:38:23.860 So 751 00:38:40.420 --> 00:38:43.460 And you get that lie, I want you to just put it in the chat you can write it down 752 00:38:43.620 --> 00:38:45.860 You don't have to share if you don't want to it's up to you 753 00:38:46.340 --> 00:38:48.340 If you can't if you're not hearing anything 754 00:38:48.500 --> 00:38:53.780 Look at the chat and see do some of those resonate with you that my standards are high. Oh, that's really good 755 00:38:55.060 --> 00:38:57.480 That i'm the fuel to my future relationship 756 00:38:58.100 --> 00:39:03.620 What does that mean? Give me a little more insight that I don't have a future. This is all life will be ever be 757 00:39:04.260 --> 00:39:06.260 So good. I've heard that one before 758 00:39:06.340 --> 00:39:09.620 Then my way to find me. Yes, the guys won't be attracting me because of my race 759 00:39:10.740 --> 00:39:15.060 Yes, insecurity of fear like I have to keep them going. Mm-hmm 760 00:39:15.700 --> 00:39:16.980 Oh, I see 761 00:39:16.980 --> 00:39:18.980 I'll never find love again 762 00:39:19.220 --> 00:39:21.220 That god is punishing me 763 00:39:21.300 --> 00:39:25.060 That I have to be perfect to be accepted. Oh story of my life kim 764 00:39:25.940 --> 00:39:31.620 I'm, not capable of making wise safe decisions not chosen valued good enough. There is something wrong with me 765 00:39:33.300 --> 00:39:36.500 No, god will wait until marriage for six, yes 766 00:39:40.260 --> 00:39:42.260 Marriage will take away my freedom 767 00:39:42.660 --> 00:39:44.660 Um, lydia, yeah 768 00:39:47.140 --> 00:39:49.220 And so what part of this part of this 769 00:39:49.940 --> 00:39:54.180 Gamma true. I don't know. No, i'm not good enough for anyone. Mm 770 00:39:55.060 --> 00:39:59.860 That i've missed the boat. Come on the love boat. I'm finna tell you right now 771 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:15.240 Sarah soon it will be making another round not attractive yes yes so good 772 00:40:15.240 --> 00:40:20.480 this is so good and I hope you ladies are watching the chat and in this 773 00:40:20.480 --> 00:40:25.520 someone else post another one you like yep there's me too oh yeah that's me too 774 00:40:25.520 --> 00:40:32.680 cuz I'm over here like mm-hmm yeah yeah me too oh and so now what I want us to 775 00:40:32.680 --> 00:40:41.160 do I want us to X um X Holy Spirit why do I believe that lie why do I believe 776 00:40:41.160 --> 00:40:43.600 that lie 777 00:40:51.360 --> 00:40:53.400 you 778 00:40:55.520 --> 00:41:00.440 Holy Spirit why do I believe that 779 00:41:12.560 --> 00:41:19.440 okay Sarah now X him why don't I love myself and why don't I trust him so Lord 780 00:41:19.440 --> 00:41:23.800 why don't I trust you and why don't I love myself 781 00:41:25.520 --> 00:41:27.580 you 782 00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:35.160 and Felicia you can X Holy Spirit why do I believe that my financial situation 783 00:41:35.160 --> 00:41:38.160 won't be accepted 784 00:41:39.000 --> 00:41:43.160 ah because I'm still single 785 00:41:46.600 --> 00:41:50.320 all because you don't spend time with him so you believe in the lies of the 786 00:41:50.320 --> 00:42:01.360 enemy because the voice of your father is not loud enough hmm oh you're not 787 00:42:01.360 --> 00:42:04.760 good enough because you've never felt chosen when did you first start 788 00:42:04.760 --> 00:42:10.600 believing that you weren't chosen that's a really good question to X because the 789 00:42:10.600 --> 00:42:15.760 world says my sense is glad because we're let me respond to six oh wow you 790 00:42:15.760 --> 00:42:22.880 know um live it I learned this six please me when I was a little girl and I 791 00:42:22.880 --> 00:42:29.960 was molested a good number of times and it taught me this six please me and so 792 00:42:29.960 --> 00:42:34.280 there wasn't a relationship that I didn't get into that I was a fear I'm I 793 00:42:34.280 --> 00:42:40.600 had I had a big issue with making out very heavily because I thought this 794 00:42:40.600 --> 00:42:48.000 would please me and so I had a lot of the issue and it was rooted from me 795 00:42:48.000 --> 00:42:54.280 learning that me and it pleased me and to have sex with them it pleased me to 796 00:42:54.280 --> 00:42:57.320 give my body to them 797 00:42:57.760 --> 00:43:05.120 and I find that a lot of times it's women in any just in my line of work 798 00:43:05.120 --> 00:43:11.120 that women who have been their bodies have been taken from them in some way or 799 00:43:11.120 --> 00:43:16.800 another will respond that way in relationships I'm never unfair I had to 800 00:43:16.800 --> 00:43:19.840 find a husband because I don't believe in myself I don't believe myself because 801 00:43:19.840 --> 00:43:24.400 I thought I had to be the best to be successful and I wasn't this was the 802 00:43:24.400 --> 00:43:28.400 only way to be proud of myself I like lack of affirmation from my 803 00:43:28.400 --> 00:43:35.200 father yeah all of these are good because I'm still saying you haven't 804 00:43:35.200 --> 00:43:39.960 started dating seven years after divorce that would speak something to me too I 805 00:43:39.960 --> 00:43:46.800 hear your heart oh good thank you for sharing it a little bit I'm not open to 806 00:43:46.800 --> 00:43:52.040 easily talk about it because I'm still blaming my past for mm-hmm yeah let's 807 00:43:52.040 --> 00:43:58.160 let's talk about let's break down that blame Felicia give everything what give 808 00:43:58.160 --> 00:44:02.680 everything every player in that past whatever it is everything to its right 809 00:44:02.680 --> 00:44:07.920 on a rightful owner and when you give everything to the rightful owner if you 810 00:44:07.920 --> 00:44:12.280 haven't done this then just repent for what you own what belongs to you give 811 00:44:12.280 --> 00:44:16.400 yours to Jesus because he said cast your cares upon me because I care for you and 812 00:44:16.400 --> 00:44:21.360 they asked him what he has for you no man way sex into marriage because it's 813 00:44:21.360 --> 00:44:24.680 what the culture says to have the world dates because many believe is important 814 00:44:24.680 --> 00:44:30.120 to test drive to show love through intimacy all right past experience where 815 00:44:30.120 --> 00:44:33.600 I wasn't in racially diverse church environment and the guys always always 816 00:44:33.600 --> 00:44:39.880 prefer to date people their own race all of this is so good ladies and so what 817 00:44:39.880 --> 00:44:45.120 you want to do is now that you some of this stuff we still need to get down to 818 00:44:45.120 --> 00:44:50.560 the true when did it happen what is the real thing but I want you to use a 819 00:44:50.560 --> 00:44:54.520 revealing for healing chart and then you want to replace it but some of some 820 00:44:54.520 --> 00:44:58.520 of the things we're posting we still haven't got down to the bare bones of it 821 00:44:58.520 --> 00:45:01.880 because if 822 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.440 because if people believe that culture taught us this, 823 00:45:03.440 --> 00:45:06.960 that we supposed to do this, but why do you believe it? 824 00:45:09.960 --> 00:45:12.120 Did me and turn you down because you didn't have sex? 825 00:45:12.120 --> 00:45:13.920 You know, you understand what I'm saying? 826 00:45:13.920 --> 00:45:18.920 I know this is the acceptance because culture taught this, 827 00:45:18.960 --> 00:45:21.720 but why are you so convinced by it? 828 00:45:25.120 --> 00:45:26.980 So I'm gonna give you an example. 829 00:45:27.980 --> 00:45:31.460 I don't believe that, 830 00:45:31.460 --> 00:45:33.820 I don't know why I've never believed this. 831 00:45:34.740 --> 00:45:36.220 I don't believe that somebody 832 00:45:36.220 --> 00:45:37.940 wouldn't wait to have sex with me. 833 00:45:42.740 --> 00:45:44.260 I'm just, I don't believe it. 834 00:45:44.260 --> 00:45:46.820 And if they don't wait, they just can't be with me. 835 00:45:48.820 --> 00:45:50.660 And that's just how I feel about it. 836 00:45:52.100 --> 00:45:53.580 I'm convinced. 837 00:45:53.580 --> 00:45:56.100 I believe that if a man is righteous 838 00:45:56.140 --> 00:45:58.220 and he's from the kingdom that I'm from, 839 00:45:58.220 --> 00:46:00.420 and he didn't operate in self-discipline, 840 00:46:00.420 --> 00:46:03.540 that he doesn't get to partner and do life with me. 841 00:46:03.540 --> 00:46:06.260 And when I've dated men who are righteous 842 00:46:06.260 --> 00:46:08.940 and they come at me sideways like that, 843 00:46:08.940 --> 00:46:11.900 I say, hey, we gotta talk as from a brother to a sister. 844 00:46:13.720 --> 00:46:15.020 Let's just sit down to the table 845 00:46:15.020 --> 00:46:16.820 as brothers and sisters in Christ. 846 00:46:17.740 --> 00:46:20.020 You realize what's happening here? 847 00:46:20.020 --> 00:46:23.140 Do you realize what kingdom you're from? 848 00:46:23.140 --> 00:46:25.740 And what we do in this kingdom? 849 00:46:26.380 --> 00:46:27.220 And I would straight up ask, 850 00:46:27.220 --> 00:46:28.660 what are your thoughts about this? 851 00:46:30.220 --> 00:46:33.220 What's happening in your relationship with God 852 00:46:33.220 --> 00:46:35.100 that you're preaching the gospel, 853 00:46:35.100 --> 00:46:37.300 but you're having sex behind closed doors? 854 00:46:38.160 --> 00:46:39.220 This is not me judging. 855 00:46:39.220 --> 00:46:42.580 This is me sitting down talking to my brother in Christ. 856 00:46:42.580 --> 00:46:43.940 Like what's happening, man? 857 00:46:45.820 --> 00:46:47.740 Do you need deliverance? 858 00:46:49.420 --> 00:46:50.820 Bro, what's going on with you 859 00:46:50.820 --> 00:46:53.180 that you don't value your body? 860 00:46:53.180 --> 00:46:54.900 That you're willing to toss it out? 861 00:46:54.900 --> 00:46:57.300 I'm telling you, giving of your body 862 00:46:57.300 --> 00:46:59.260 is not just, oh, well, it's lust. 863 00:46:59.260 --> 00:47:01.540 It's attached to something in your heart 864 00:47:01.540 --> 00:47:03.460 about you valuing your body. 865 00:47:03.460 --> 00:47:05.100 And when you get to a point 866 00:47:06.420 --> 00:47:09.120 when you realize that what you carry, 867 00:47:10.140 --> 00:47:12.640 I've sold my dignity out before. 868 00:47:14.260 --> 00:47:17.220 I know what it feels like to come back empty handed. 869 00:47:17.220 --> 00:47:18.980 I know what it feels like to battle 870 00:47:18.980 --> 00:47:21.600 with the spirits of guilt and shame. 871 00:47:22.480 --> 00:47:26.000 If you actually are committed to a kingdom wall, 872 00:47:26.000 --> 00:47:28.840 I have lived it and I won't live it anymore 873 00:47:28.840 --> 00:47:30.600 because it's not worth it to me. 874 00:47:30.600 --> 00:47:32.280 And what I carry in Christ 875 00:47:32.280 --> 00:47:34.380 is not a trade out for me anymore. 876 00:47:36.080 --> 00:47:39.560 And so I guard all these things with diligence 877 00:47:39.560 --> 00:47:42.400 and I'm not gonna get put in a situation 878 00:47:42.400 --> 00:47:45.040 because I already know if I get myself caught up, 879 00:47:45.040 --> 00:47:48.120 there's not gonna be a happy ending for me. 880 00:47:48.120 --> 00:47:50.380 I've gotten caught up enough to know. 881 00:47:51.720 --> 00:47:53.840 That we ain't hanging out at my apartment. 882 00:47:53.840 --> 00:47:55.920 We ain't riding in the car at night. 883 00:47:55.920 --> 00:47:59.200 We just ain't doing none of this stuff because I know me. 884 00:47:59.200 --> 00:48:00.800 I know what one touch will do. 885 00:48:02.060 --> 00:48:04.160 I already know if you breathe close to my ear 886 00:48:04.160 --> 00:48:05.880 what's gonna happen. 887 00:48:05.880 --> 00:48:08.220 I've been living in my body long enough. 888 00:48:09.840 --> 00:48:11.680 I remember one time the Lord told me, 889 00:48:11.680 --> 00:48:14.960 he said, Ebony, I said, yes. 890 00:48:14.960 --> 00:48:16.720 He said, never trust your flesh. 891 00:48:16.720 --> 00:48:19.740 It is the wisest thing you can ever do. 892 00:48:19.740 --> 00:48:22.820 It's to never trust your flesh. 893 00:48:22.820 --> 00:48:23.980 That's wisdom. 894 00:48:25.700 --> 00:48:27.780 And I said, thank you, father. 895 00:48:28.820 --> 00:48:31.900 So we'll keep digging till you get there. 896 00:48:31.900 --> 00:48:33.420 That's what I want you guys to take 897 00:48:33.420 --> 00:48:34.900 what you've written down today. 898 00:48:34.900 --> 00:48:36.440 If we didn't make it to the bottom 899 00:48:36.440 --> 00:48:38.780 where you can ask the Lord for a replacement, 900 00:48:38.780 --> 00:48:40.220 that's what I want you to do. 901 00:48:40.220 --> 00:48:42.700 I want you to take what you have, where we stopped, 902 00:48:42.700 --> 00:48:47.180 and keep digging and come back and post it in. 903 00:48:47.220 --> 00:48:48.780 This brings so much breakthrough 904 00:48:48.780 --> 00:48:50.740 for so many people in the community. 905 00:48:51.620 --> 00:48:56.260 I want you guys to post under the activation 906 00:48:56.260 --> 00:48:59.740 what you discover and what you replaced it with 907 00:48:59.740 --> 00:49:02.340 because it helps so many of us. 908 00:49:02.340 --> 00:49:04.700 If you notice, most of all of us struggle 909 00:49:04.700 --> 00:49:06.060 with the same lies. 910 00:49:10.740 --> 00:49:13.580 So we're gonna move on and take some questions, 911 00:49:13.580 --> 00:49:16.580 but I want you guys to learn how to fight for truth. 912 00:49:18.020 --> 00:49:20.260 I want you to learn how to fight. 913 00:49:20.260 --> 00:49:23.220 Don't let up until freedom finds you 914 00:49:23.220 --> 00:49:26.620 because whenever you allow yourself to break through 915 00:49:26.620 --> 00:49:29.900 in freedom, you keep attracting the same thing. 916 00:49:29.900 --> 00:49:30.980 It is true. 917 00:49:30.980 --> 00:49:34.100 You do not attract who you are not. 918 00:49:37.300 --> 00:49:42.300 It's almost, if you're not willing to do the work 919 00:49:42.300 --> 00:49:45.380 in your own life, why do you expect a good, 920 00:49:45.420 --> 00:49:49.860 a wonderful man to show up and live with, be and do? 921 00:49:49.860 --> 00:49:51.460 Why do you want the very best 922 00:49:51.460 --> 00:49:53.380 that you won't do the very best for you? 923 00:49:53.380 --> 00:49:56.100 I'm telling you, you attract who you are. 924 00:49:57.460 --> 00:50:00.460 When you start getting to the truth of things on the... 925 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.160 inside of you and you won't let go until you get to the bottom, 926 00:50:04.160 --> 00:50:09.040 there is an empowerment that comes over you that shoots you to the top. 927 00:50:09.040 --> 00:50:12.160 When Jesus said this, he said, 928 00:50:12.160 --> 00:50:16.880 Satan came but he could find nothing in me. 929 00:50:16.880 --> 00:50:20.800 So the same things that used to come for you, they won't be able to find a home 930 00:50:20.800 --> 00:50:25.360 in you, a place in you. And so my encouragement is to not 931 00:50:25.360 --> 00:50:32.080 stop fighting for the truth. It is worth it for your confidence. 932 00:50:32.080 --> 00:50:36.080 You will begin to trust and believe in yourself and know that you can make the 933 00:50:36.080 --> 00:50:39.600 best decisions for you. 934 00:50:41.280 --> 00:50:44.480 I don't care how many times I tell you that you're beautiful. 935 00:50:44.480 --> 00:50:48.480 If your mama told you you was ugly the first five years of your life, 936 00:50:48.480 --> 00:50:52.960 I don't stand a chance. I don't care what the mirror tells you. 937 00:50:52.960 --> 00:50:56.720 I don't care how much makeup you put on. I don't care how many men you get. 938 00:50:56.720 --> 00:51:00.800 Nobody's going to be convinced you that you're ugly, I mean that you're pretty. 939 00:51:00.800 --> 00:51:06.000 And if you ugly and your mama spent her whole life telling you how pretty you 940 00:51:06.000 --> 00:51:08.560 are, I'm telling you ain't nobody gonna be 941 00:51:08.560 --> 00:51:11.440 able to convince you you ugly, not even that mirror. 942 00:51:11.440 --> 00:51:17.120 Because we see with our heart, not with our eyes. 943 00:51:17.120 --> 00:51:22.720 I'm telling you, I'm a four-figure woman but I used to be close to 400 pounds 944 00:51:22.720 --> 00:51:27.120 and when I grew up I was overweight my whole life, even as a little girl like 945 00:51:27.120 --> 00:51:31.200 it's like two. And nobody in my family's overweight but 946 00:51:31.200 --> 00:51:34.880 when I would go to family gatherings, all my family would do is tell me how 947 00:51:34.880 --> 00:51:38.880 pretty and fine my legs were. And my auntie used to say, oh if I had 948 00:51:38.880 --> 00:51:44.240 big cousin and black culture, my black culture, they like big legs, they 949 00:51:44.240 --> 00:51:48.240 like big hips, men like that. And so my aunts would just 950 00:51:48.240 --> 00:51:52.160 tell me, oh if I had some big old pretty fine legs like yours, 951 00:51:52.160 --> 00:51:56.720 oh if I had this, oh if I had that. And so the thought of me being 952 00:51:56.720 --> 00:52:01.600 not attractive, beautiful in my face was never an option. 953 00:52:01.600 --> 00:52:05.600 And so when kids used to call me fat, I used to say I'd rather be fat than ugly. 954 00:52:05.600 --> 00:52:09.120 Like that was just my response but I was convinced 955 00:52:09.120 --> 00:52:13.360 so if I was ugly, they wasn't gonna be able to tell me. 956 00:52:13.360 --> 00:52:16.480 My daddy used to tell me when I was a little girl, he would, they would call me 957 00:52:16.480 --> 00:52:20.320 fat. He said, you tell them baby, you ain't fat, you fine. 958 00:52:20.320 --> 00:52:24.480 Like he was so just like, the things that you hear now, I 959 00:52:24.480 --> 00:52:28.880 knew that I was fat, right, and I'm sorry if the word fat offends anybody. 960 00:52:28.880 --> 00:52:32.240 But I learned to accept a new revelation of fat. 961 00:52:32.240 --> 00:52:36.560 All of us have fat on our body, some of us just have a little more than others. 962 00:52:36.560 --> 00:52:40.720 And so for me, fat is not associated with negative even though my whole 963 00:52:40.720 --> 00:52:44.640 childhood it was. And I refuse to let it rule over me. 964 00:52:44.640 --> 00:52:48.560 I refuse to hear that word and let it have dominion over me 965 00:52:48.560 --> 00:52:52.320 and change my thought process. And so anyway, 966 00:52:52.320 --> 00:52:56.000 those things, that's a real thing. We're programmed into some way. 967 00:52:56.000 --> 00:53:00.240 And so anyway, I hope that's fun. I'm gonna post the activation. I really want 968 00:53:00.240 --> 00:53:03.120 you to do it and take back out that Jesus Cares board 969 00:53:03.120 --> 00:53:06.560 if you put it up. And when you get something, put it up 970 00:53:06.560 --> 00:53:12.000 there. One truth at a time. One at a time. 971 00:53:12.000 --> 00:53:17.040 That's all it takes is one at a time. When you get breakthrough in one area, 972 00:53:17.040 --> 00:53:20.800 it just keeps coming. It just keeps coming. 973 00:53:20.800 --> 00:53:23.520 There are like people who have really good revelation or really good 974 00:53:23.520 --> 00:53:25.840 understanding. It seems like they understand everything 975 00:53:25.840 --> 00:53:29.360 because once you get a little bit of it, it keeps attracting to you. 976 00:53:29.360 --> 00:53:32.720 Have you ever seen a family and their whole family is wealthy? 977 00:53:32.720 --> 00:53:36.480 Every generation, the next one is wealthy. It's like, or they have brilliant minds 978 00:53:36.480 --> 00:53:40.160 when it comes to business. It's like everybody in your family is 979 00:53:40.160 --> 00:53:43.360 like this because you keep getting more of the same thing 980 00:53:43.360 --> 00:53:47.920 over and over and over and over again. I am excellent at picking out lies 981 00:53:47.920 --> 00:53:52.720 because I do it to myself. I have very few people that get to sit 982 00:53:52.720 --> 00:53:55.840 in the inner course of my heart, but those who sit there, 983 00:53:55.840 --> 00:53:59.840 I talk to them. And when I talk to them, I tell them everything I'm thinking 984 00:53:59.840 --> 00:54:03.680 and believing without any shame. And their only job 985 00:54:03.680 --> 00:54:10.240 is not to make me feel better. No, no, no. Their only job is to find the lie. 986 00:54:10.240 --> 00:54:14.240 The only job they have is to find the lie. And when they find it, baby, we jump 987 00:54:14.240 --> 00:54:18.160 on it like a pack of wild wolves. I'm like, oh no, the devil ain't gonna get 988 00:54:18.160 --> 00:54:20.480 over on me. You don't know how long I spent my life 989 00:54:20.480 --> 00:54:23.440 living under lies, believing that I couldn't skip because I was fat. I 990 00:54:23.440 --> 00:54:25.920 couldn't run because I was fat. Everything because I was fat because I 991 00:54:25.920 --> 00:54:29.440 was fat because I was fat. I couldn't do nothing. When I walked in the room, they 992 00:54:29.440 --> 00:54:33.280 were laughing at me because I was fat. It robbed me so much of my life, all of 993 00:54:33.280 --> 00:54:36.960 these lies about myself that I couldn't do, I couldn't be, 994 00:54:36.960 --> 00:54:43.920 that I just refused to live in bondage. And I got a problem with it. And so I 995 00:54:43.920 --> 00:54:47.440 come out the lies hard and I'm gonna pull it down every 996 00:54:47.440 --> 00:54:50.240 time no matter what it costs me because I cannot live 997 00:54:50.240 --> 00:54:57.280 under that. I was made for freedom. And so, so were you. 998 00:54:57.280 --> 00:55:01.920 So, great. Yes. 999 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.160 Yes, all right, Shekinah. 1000 00:55:03.160 --> 00:55:05.640 So yes, to answer your first question, 1001 00:55:05.640 --> 00:55:07.920 you have to say your second part back over. 1002 00:55:07.920 --> 00:55:12.840 But some men jump right to asking for your number 1003 00:55:12.840 --> 00:55:16.440 because they could have been on the apps a long time 1004 00:55:16.440 --> 00:55:19.520 and they don't want to do that small talk at the beginning. 1005 00:55:19.520 --> 00:55:22.240 Some of them don't know how to do that type of talk. 1006 00:55:22.240 --> 00:55:23.940 I think I've shared this with you before, 1007 00:55:23.940 --> 00:55:26.680 but I have an uncle who is very attractive and I love him. 1008 00:55:26.680 --> 00:55:27.920 He's an amazing man. 1009 00:55:28.000 --> 00:55:32.200 And he told me, niece, I'm trying to do these dating apps. 1010 00:55:32.200 --> 00:55:34.600 He said, but I don't know what to say to these women. 1011 00:55:34.600 --> 00:55:37.520 He said, I just asked him, can we grab a cup of coffee 1012 00:55:37.520 --> 00:55:39.960 and I could just talk to you, talk to a person? 1013 00:55:39.960 --> 00:55:42.640 He said, because I'm just not used to this. 1014 00:55:42.640 --> 00:55:44.600 He said, I don't really know what to say. 1015 00:55:44.600 --> 00:55:46.720 But he said, if I could talk to him face to face 1016 00:55:46.720 --> 00:55:50.000 over a cup of coffee, we can have a decent conversation. 1017 00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:52.440 He said, so I just asked him, can we exchange numbers 1018 00:55:52.440 --> 00:55:54.120 so we can get to know each other? 1019 00:55:54.120 --> 00:55:56.040 He said, because I'm not really good at this. 1020 00:55:56.080 --> 00:55:57.880 He's not the only man that has said 1021 00:55:57.880 --> 00:55:59.520 that there's a lot of men that say that. 1022 00:55:59.520 --> 00:56:01.640 And I know it can come off offensive sometimes 1023 00:56:01.640 --> 00:56:04.240 when a man goes straight, here's my number, call me. 1024 00:56:05.280 --> 00:56:08.080 But those are some of the reasons why they do it. 1025 00:56:10.400 --> 00:56:14.160 Okay, I can see that, but it seems like a lot of them 1026 00:56:14.160 --> 00:56:17.600 just shut down after I say, hey, we can communicate on here 1027 00:56:17.600 --> 00:56:19.000 until we're both comfortable 1028 00:56:19.000 --> 00:56:21.120 or after we meet in person over coffee. 1029 00:56:21.120 --> 00:56:24.160 I do love the coffee idea for the first meeting. 1030 00:56:24.160 --> 00:56:25.400 I love the coffee idea. 1031 00:56:25.800 --> 00:56:27.680 I love like, oh, well, if we have coffee 1032 00:56:27.680 --> 00:56:30.360 and we feel comfortable about seeing each other again, 1033 00:56:30.360 --> 00:56:32.120 then let's exchange numbers. 1034 00:56:32.120 --> 00:56:34.120 And some of them even shut down at that. 1035 00:56:34.120 --> 00:56:36.480 So I just bless and block and keep it moving. 1036 00:56:36.480 --> 00:56:39.760 But I was just wondering if you had some insight on that. 1037 00:56:39.760 --> 00:56:43.560 That part, I think that sometimes there's more of a like, 1038 00:56:43.560 --> 00:56:45.480 oh, what, man, she don't even give me her number. 1039 00:56:45.480 --> 00:56:46.840 Don't even worry about it. 1040 00:56:46.840 --> 00:56:49.320 I can hear a man saying that. 1041 00:56:49.320 --> 00:56:52.640 I can believe that's probably why they say that. 1042 00:56:52.640 --> 00:56:53.640 So it's just like, forget it. 1043 00:56:53.640 --> 00:56:54.560 She don't wanna give me her number. 1044 00:56:54.600 --> 00:56:55.920 She don't wanna get to know me. 1045 00:56:55.920 --> 00:56:57.520 That's what they're thinking. 1046 00:56:57.520 --> 00:57:00.800 Okay, because typically I communicate very well. 1047 00:57:00.800 --> 00:57:03.240 And a lot of what I am saying, 1048 00:57:03.240 --> 00:57:05.320 I do have it already pre-saved in my phone. 1049 00:57:05.320 --> 00:57:07.720 I'm like, hey, I'm sure you like me. 1050 00:57:07.720 --> 00:57:11.080 You're real big on how a person's presence feel 1051 00:57:11.080 --> 00:57:14.400 and really intuitive about how people feel in your presence 1052 00:57:14.400 --> 00:57:15.920 and around you face to face. 1053 00:57:15.920 --> 00:57:18.000 I said, so, hey, before we exchange numbers, 1054 00:57:18.000 --> 00:57:20.960 how about we just communicate on here? 1055 00:57:20.960 --> 00:57:25.160 I check it frequently and we can talk over coffee. 1056 00:57:25.160 --> 00:57:28.800 If we feel comfortable, then we can exchange numbers. 1057 00:57:28.800 --> 00:57:31.200 Some are okay with it, but I'm finding majority are not. 1058 00:57:31.200 --> 00:57:32.480 So I was like, what is this big deal? 1059 00:57:32.480 --> 00:57:34.560 If I'm still talking to you through the app, 1060 00:57:34.560 --> 00:57:37.760 like there's no difference between messaging in the app 1061 00:57:37.760 --> 00:57:40.160 and then texting on a phone. 1062 00:57:40.160 --> 00:57:42.160 I still get the notification on my phone. 1063 00:57:42.160 --> 00:57:43.960 So I'm like, what is the issue here? 1064 00:57:45.480 --> 00:57:47.760 Yeah, I think it's just preference. 1065 00:57:47.760 --> 00:57:51.760 And I think she kind of, I may be like, 1066 00:57:53.840 --> 00:57:55.800 probably like one of those guys, 1067 00:57:55.800 --> 00:57:57.920 I do not like to talk over the app. 1068 00:57:58.760 --> 00:58:01.000 I don't keep the app on my, I don't like it. 1069 00:58:01.000 --> 00:58:02.880 It just does something to me. 1070 00:58:02.880 --> 00:58:04.320 It bothers me. 1071 00:58:04.320 --> 00:58:06.080 I just don't like coming on my phone, 1072 00:58:06.080 --> 00:58:08.200 texting anybody like that back and forth. 1073 00:58:08.200 --> 00:58:10.000 And I'm like, hey, look, I'm serious. 1074 00:58:10.000 --> 00:58:14.440 Like I am like, it could be almost the second day. 1075 00:58:14.440 --> 00:58:16.640 And I'm like, listen, it's great getting to know you, 1076 00:58:16.640 --> 00:58:19.240 but I don't have the capacity to keep checking my phone 1077 00:58:19.240 --> 00:58:20.920 for our conversations. 1078 00:58:20.920 --> 00:58:24.600 And if you would like it, I would like to exchange numbers 1079 00:58:24.600 --> 00:58:26.280 if there's something you're interested in 1080 00:58:26.280 --> 00:58:28.200 and let's just have a conversation 1081 00:58:28.200 --> 00:58:29.800 and let's plan for a cup of coffee. 1082 00:58:29.800 --> 00:58:33.160 I am a, that's just, and so I think it really, 1083 00:58:33.160 --> 00:58:36.440 I don't, I just think it's a preference. 1084 00:58:36.440 --> 00:58:38.920 And if a person doesn't, you communicating with them 1085 00:58:38.920 --> 00:58:41.200 that you, I want to get to know you, 1086 00:58:41.200 --> 00:58:43.960 but this feels a better pace to me 1087 00:58:43.960 --> 00:58:46.320 and that they don't under that, then it just doesn't work. 1088 00:58:47.000 --> 00:58:47.840 It's just like, okay, fine. 1089 00:58:47.840 --> 00:58:50.720 Because it's not like you're two weeks in 1090 00:58:50.720 --> 00:58:54.840 and you're not, so yeah, it's preference. 1091 00:58:54.840 --> 00:58:57.160 Yes, thank you for clarifying that. 1092 00:58:57.160 --> 00:58:59.480 And I also, that also lets me know ahead of time, 1093 00:58:59.480 --> 00:59:02.760 I feel like I love the way I, how I communicate. 1094 00:59:02.760 --> 00:59:05.040 Cause I feel like, hey, if I'm letting you know, 1095 00:59:05.040 --> 00:59:07.800 I'm checking my messages quite frequently. 1096 00:59:07.800 --> 00:59:08.640 If I'm letting you know, 1097 00:59:08.640 --> 00:59:10.680 I'm willing to meet you for coffee in person. 1098 00:59:10.680 --> 00:59:12.440 And then after that, let's exchange numbers. 1099 00:59:12.440 --> 00:59:14.680 And I say, okay, if they're not comfortable with that, 1100 00:59:14.680 --> 00:59:16.320 then I know that they are not flexible. 1101 00:59:16.320 --> 00:59:18.400 And so we would not be compatible 1102 00:59:18.400 --> 00:59:20.080 cause it seems like they're stuck in their way. 1103 00:59:20.080 --> 00:59:22.840 So I'm like, okay, that's a good way of me vetting you. 1104 00:59:23.840 --> 00:59:25.960 Yeah, that is a good way. 1105 00:59:25.960 --> 00:59:27.280 Yeah, it's true. 1106 00:59:27.280 --> 00:59:29.360 If they don't prefer it and this will work for you, 1107 00:59:29.360 --> 00:59:31.360 it's not gonna work out. 1108 00:59:31.360 --> 00:59:33.480 Mm-hmm, and then my second question, 1109 00:59:33.480 --> 00:59:34.520 cause I'm sure some other people 1110 00:59:34.520 --> 00:59:35.960 have some other questions as well. 1111 00:59:35.960 --> 00:59:37.640 I want to be considerate. 1112 00:59:37.640 --> 00:59:42.640 So my second question is a lot of us that are in our group, 1113 00:59:45.160 --> 00:59:46.800 we're looking at our age 1114 00:59:46.800 --> 00:59:49.640 and most of us would not have thought in a million years 1115 00:59:49.640 --> 00:59:51.840 if somebody said, hey, you're 35, 40, 45 1116 00:59:51.840 --> 00:59:52.760 and you're not married yet. 1117 00:59:52.760 --> 00:59:55.520 If somebody had told us this in our early twenties, 1118 00:59:55.520 --> 00:59:56.360 we would not believe them. 1119 00:59:56.360 --> 00:59:59.000 We would have said, I rebuke you, Satan, get away from me. 1120 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.920 So I just need some clarification on when we were excited about our future, 1121 01:00:06.920 --> 01:00:11.400 when we were in our twenties and we were saying, yes, my husband gonna find me. 1122 01:00:11.400 --> 01:00:15.240 Like, it was like, as much as I know, I'm African-American. 1123 01:00:15.240 --> 01:00:17.480 That's how much I knew my husband was going to be right around the corner. 1124 01:00:17.560 --> 01:00:19.000 Like that's how much faith I had. 1125 01:00:19.680 --> 01:00:20.720 That's how much faith I had. 1126 01:00:20.720 --> 01:00:23.920 I knew without a shadow of a doubt, cause I'm like, I'm working on me. 1127 01:00:24.160 --> 01:00:25.160 I'm serving the Lord. 1128 01:00:25.160 --> 01:00:26.560 We fast and then praying for it. 1129 01:00:26.560 --> 01:00:32.960 I'm actually being intentional as far as being social, being approachable. 1130 01:00:33.360 --> 01:00:36.680 Um, I never was the type where people didn't feel like they couldn't come and 1131 01:00:36.680 --> 01:00:40.480 talk to me cause I don't have, I never had that resting B face, never had it. 1132 01:00:40.560 --> 01:00:41.800 I've always been approachable. 1133 01:00:42.280 --> 01:00:47.960 So why couldn't someone come at that time when I was so hyped and excited 1134 01:00:47.960 --> 01:00:51.800 about what I thought God was going to do it and now decades later, it hasn't 1135 01:00:51.800 --> 01:00:55.280 happened, so now I have to fight through to get that positivity again. 1136 01:00:57.080 --> 01:00:58.200 That's a good question. 1137 01:01:03.480 --> 01:01:09.600 I believe that some of us, when we wanted a spouse, we may have not taken this 1138 01:01:09.600 --> 01:01:13.040 route to partner with the Lord, to do hard work, to see what's happening. 1139 01:01:13.400 --> 01:01:15.320 You didn't have the access to that type of knowledge. 1140 01:01:15.320 --> 01:01:16.600 So you were just waiting. 1141 01:01:17.280 --> 01:01:18.840 I did the right, basically. 1142 01:01:19.520 --> 01:01:24.520 Um, and then some of us who were partnering may have been doing some work. 1143 01:01:24.800 --> 01:01:26.520 It don't mean everybody wasn't doing work. 1144 01:01:26.520 --> 01:01:28.880 Like she kind of said, she was working on herself. 1145 01:01:28.880 --> 01:01:29.720 She was fasting. 1146 01:01:29.720 --> 01:01:30.360 She was praying. 1147 01:01:30.360 --> 01:01:31.720 She was believing the Lord. 1148 01:01:32.120 --> 01:01:35.960 I do believe that in so many areas, when we walk the Lord with, from my 1149 01:01:35.960 --> 01:01:42.680 experience that we miss, we don't have all the information because it is true 1150 01:01:42.760 --> 01:01:46.440 that we may have a timing for something in our life and God's timing may be 1151 01:01:46.440 --> 01:01:51.680 different and if you don't have insight from the Lord, that his timing is 1152 01:01:51.720 --> 01:01:52.280 different. 1153 01:01:52.280 --> 01:01:55.480 And you believe whenever I get ready, I should get married. 1154 01:01:55.920 --> 01:01:59.680 But now if you are one that's walking hand to hand with the Lord and he has 1155 01:01:59.680 --> 01:02:04.840 your life on another schedule, it's going to feel like he didn't do something at 1156 01:02:04.840 --> 01:02:06.880 a time that you thought he should have done it. 1157 01:02:08.720 --> 01:02:11.360 And that just wasn't true for your destiny. 1158 01:02:11.360 --> 01:02:14.160 It wasn't true for the book that he had written about you. 1159 01:02:14.840 --> 01:02:15.960 I might give you an example. 1160 01:02:16.640 --> 01:02:23.320 I was praying for a friend one time and I told the Lord, I said, what word do you 1161 01:02:23.320 --> 01:02:23.880 want to give her? 1162 01:02:24.080 --> 01:02:29.040 At this point, she had a cancer diagnosis and it was in her blood and it was pretty 1163 01:02:29.040 --> 01:02:30.080 much, she's going to die. 1164 01:02:31.240 --> 01:02:34.520 I said, we were making intercession, praying, all this stuff. 1165 01:02:34.720 --> 01:02:36.200 I said, what do you want me to tell her? 1166 01:02:36.480 --> 01:02:37.320 I'm going to give her a word. 1167 01:02:37.320 --> 01:02:43.360 And he says, tell her that I'm her friend in this season. 1168 01:02:43.800 --> 01:02:45.120 I said, tell her what? 1169 01:02:46.840 --> 01:02:49.280 I want to be her friend and I want to be her friend. 1170 01:02:49.320 --> 01:02:50.880 I said, I'm not telling her that. 1171 01:02:51.360 --> 01:02:53.200 I literally said, I said, she's dying. 1172 01:02:54.160 --> 01:02:55.040 She's dying. 1173 01:02:55.080 --> 01:02:56.240 I'm not going to tell her that. 1174 01:02:56.240 --> 01:02:58.960 He says, he said, well, that's my word for her. 1175 01:02:59.080 --> 01:03:02.080 He said, the reason why you don't want to tell her that is because you don't 1176 01:03:02.080 --> 01:03:06.960 understand what a friend is because she's in a season that's not about to leave her. 1177 01:03:07.160 --> 01:03:09.920 And she needs somebody that's going to hold her hand while she's 1178 01:03:09.920 --> 01:03:11.360 throwing up over the toilet stool. 1179 01:03:11.520 --> 01:03:14.440 She needs somebody that's going to sit at the foot of her bed when she didn't have 1180 01:03:14.440 --> 01:03:16.920 strength to do anything, but lay there. 1181 01:03:16.920 --> 01:03:18.240 She needs a friend. 1182 01:03:18.360 --> 01:03:19.680 She doesn't need a father. 1183 01:03:19.760 --> 01:03:22.800 She doesn't need a healer because I've declared her healed. 1184 01:03:22.800 --> 01:03:24.440 She needs a friend. 1185 01:03:24.680 --> 01:03:29.360 He says, don't you, don't you forget that I was on the scene before you got here. 1186 01:03:31.000 --> 01:03:39.480 And I said, and I just started to cry and repent because he had to get so strong 1187 01:03:39.480 --> 01:03:41.440 with me because I was just so upset. 1188 01:03:41.440 --> 01:03:42.680 I'm like, my friend is dying. 1189 01:03:42.960 --> 01:03:50.120 And I'm sharing that to say that we don't always understand God's timing and why he 1190 01:03:50.120 --> 01:03:52.240 does what he does and why he says what he says. 1191 01:03:52.240 --> 01:03:57.040 And we can have our mind so focused on one thing and he's doing something else. 1192 01:03:58.440 --> 01:04:04.040 One time I was preparing to commit suicide and it was a done deal. 1193 01:04:04.840 --> 01:04:07.560 And I got down on my knees to pray one last time. 1194 01:04:08.080 --> 01:04:10.320 And my thoughts was to me, God, whatever you're going to say, 1195 01:04:10.320 --> 01:04:11.840 please save me from myself. 1196 01:04:12.360 --> 01:04:16.480 And he said to me, you will have an unprecedented love for my people. 1197 01:04:16.880 --> 01:04:18.640 And I said, what? 1198 01:04:19.240 --> 01:04:22.200 Literally, what is unprecedented? 1199 01:04:22.200 --> 01:04:24.080 Like, I didn't even know what the word meant. 1200 01:04:24.240 --> 01:04:27.040 And I was just like, forget this life, forget this stuff. 1201 01:04:27.240 --> 01:04:31.200 How are you talking to me about an unprecedented love for your people? 1202 01:04:31.360 --> 01:04:34.280 And I'm telling you, I'm going to go take my life. 1203 01:04:35.800 --> 01:04:38.240 He already knew that my life was saved. 1204 01:04:38.520 --> 01:04:40.280 He saw this day right here. 1205 01:04:40.440 --> 01:04:42.320 He said, this is what I'm thinking about. 1206 01:04:43.040 --> 01:04:44.480 This is where my mind is at. 1207 01:04:45.800 --> 01:04:48.440 This is where I'm at and you over here. 1208 01:04:48.680 --> 01:04:50.640 And so I'm saying all that to say. 1209 01:04:51.960 --> 01:04:55.040 God is not on our timetable. 1210 01:04:55.520 --> 01:04:59.400 And at the moment you put your hands in his hand to trust him for the journey. 1211 01:04:59.600 --> 01:04:59.840 You. 1212 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.200 automatically sign up for his timetable. 1213 01:05:06.040 --> 01:05:07.800 And this just kind of how it work. 1214 01:05:10.360 --> 01:05:12.400 Yes, the timetable, that is just real, 1215 01:05:12.400 --> 01:05:13.760 I'm really struggling with it. 1216 01:05:13.760 --> 01:05:15.320 Because I'm like, 1217 01:05:15.320 --> 01:05:18.240 because I always have to give God his word as well. 1218 01:05:18.240 --> 01:05:19.800 You know, I have to say, well, Lord, 1219 01:05:19.800 --> 01:05:22.320 your word says that if we make it past 70, 1220 01:05:22.320 --> 01:05:23.800 that's grace after that. 1221 01:05:23.800 --> 01:05:27.360 You know, throughout the time, 1222 01:05:27.360 --> 01:05:31.680 you know, with humankind is just has been cut, 1223 01:05:31.680 --> 01:05:34.440 the lifespan of humankind has been cut down by the Lord 1224 01:05:34.440 --> 01:05:35.720 quite a few times. 1225 01:05:35.720 --> 01:05:37.360 We now live in 900 and something years, 1226 01:05:37.360 --> 01:05:40.000 like Methuselah and all them back in those days. 1227 01:05:40.000 --> 01:05:44.080 And so yeah, that's what I'm trying to press through, 1228 01:05:44.080 --> 01:05:45.400 like his timing. 1229 01:05:45.400 --> 01:05:48.040 Because I've been always active 1230 01:05:48.040 --> 01:05:49.960 in doing things that I enjoy. 1231 01:05:49.960 --> 01:05:54.960 I mean, painting, traveling, bowling, spa days. 1232 01:05:55.880 --> 01:05:56.800 I mean, you name it. 1233 01:05:57.280 --> 01:05:58.520 The only thing I have not done yet 1234 01:05:58.520 --> 01:06:00.440 is jumped out of a plane and parachuted. 1235 01:06:00.440 --> 01:06:02.240 That's the only thing I have not done yet. 1236 01:06:02.240 --> 01:06:04.960 Because I feel like I should be enjoying my life 1237 01:06:04.960 --> 01:06:05.800 as a single woman. 1238 01:06:05.800 --> 01:06:07.280 That's what I was raised to do. 1239 01:06:07.280 --> 01:06:09.880 Enjoy your single life, enjoy your social life 1240 01:06:09.880 --> 01:06:11.800 before marriage, because once you're married, 1241 01:06:11.800 --> 01:06:13.640 you have to consider the other person. 1242 01:06:13.640 --> 01:06:15.560 But I'm gonna let somebody else go. 1243 01:06:15.560 --> 01:06:18.480 I think Alexandra, she was trying to put her hand up. 1244 01:06:18.480 --> 01:06:20.960 You know, she's been up here for a while. 1245 01:06:20.960 --> 01:06:22.760 So I'm gonna let Alexandra go. 1246 01:06:22.760 --> 01:06:24.880 And I'm gonna go ahead and sign out. 1247 01:06:24.880 --> 01:06:26.960 But thank you for reminding me again about his timing. 1248 01:06:26.960 --> 01:06:28.720 And I'll just keep that in prayer. 1249 01:06:29.760 --> 01:06:32.320 Yeah, and so my next thought to you was Shekinah. 1250 01:06:32.320 --> 01:06:35.440 I would actually, if you probably have done it, 1251 01:06:35.440 --> 01:06:37.320 but I would ask the Lord, 1252 01:06:37.320 --> 01:06:39.560 what do you wanna do right now in my life? 1253 01:06:41.360 --> 01:06:43.240 What's your plan for right now? 1254 01:06:43.240 --> 01:06:44.520 Yes, I love that. 1255 01:06:45.480 --> 01:06:47.600 I'm gonna add that too. 1256 01:06:47.600 --> 01:06:49.960 So instead of asking why aren't I married yet, 1257 01:06:49.960 --> 01:06:52.600 just ask where's your hand moving in my life right now 1258 01:06:52.600 --> 01:06:54.560 so I can go to where is it? 1259 01:06:55.240 --> 01:06:56.080 I love that. 1260 01:06:57.840 --> 01:07:01.080 All right, Alexandria. 1261 01:07:02.080 --> 01:07:04.080 Yeah, was there someone ahead of me? 1262 01:07:04.080 --> 01:07:05.800 I got lost for a little bit. 1263 01:07:05.800 --> 01:07:07.560 Okay, okay. 1264 01:07:09.200 --> 01:07:12.320 I had all those posts that you've been helping me with. 1265 01:07:12.320 --> 01:07:13.160 Yes. 1266 01:07:15.760 --> 01:07:18.240 Yes, I'll let you refresh. 1267 01:07:18.240 --> 01:07:20.760 But you told me to lead with a question. 1268 01:07:20.760 --> 01:07:22.640 So I can lead a certain question. 1269 01:07:22.640 --> 01:07:25.360 I can tell you what that was if you want. 1270 01:07:25.360 --> 01:07:26.240 Oh yeah, what's the question? 1271 01:07:26.240 --> 01:07:27.720 Yeah, yes, yes. 1272 01:07:27.720 --> 01:07:30.560 Just like when are the differences that we have 1273 01:07:30.560 --> 01:07:33.720 when we hang out like enough to be a no? 1274 01:07:33.720 --> 01:07:36.080 Because I feel like the last state we have 1275 01:07:36.080 --> 01:07:38.720 with how he responded to me in a couple of ways 1276 01:07:38.720 --> 01:07:43.080 would have been like a no for me. 1277 01:07:43.080 --> 01:07:47.360 But then, in all the context of all these positives 1278 01:07:47.360 --> 01:07:51.200 of who he is, and I didn't wanna push him away. 1279 01:07:52.120 --> 01:07:57.120 I wanted to talk to you guys first before I said no. 1280 01:07:58.000 --> 01:08:00.720 So what I wanna say to you is this, 1281 01:08:03.400 --> 01:08:07.560 his culture is gonna play a big role, Alexandria. 1282 01:08:09.080 --> 01:08:10.880 Or Alexandra, sorry. 1283 01:08:10.880 --> 01:08:11.720 It's okay. 1284 01:08:11.720 --> 01:08:14.800 His culture plays a big role in who he is. 1285 01:08:14.800 --> 01:08:16.439 Very big role in him. 1286 01:08:16.439 --> 01:08:19.279 Bigger than you probably are processing. 1287 01:08:19.279 --> 01:08:20.120 Okay. 1288 01:08:20.120 --> 01:08:21.720 Not because he's Nigerian. 1289 01:08:21.720 --> 01:08:23.600 That is a whole different order, 1290 01:08:23.600 --> 01:08:25.840 the way an American woman operates 1291 01:08:25.840 --> 01:08:28.240 than the way a Nigerian woman operates 1292 01:08:28.240 --> 01:08:31.399 with her husband or with the person she's dating. 1293 01:08:31.399 --> 01:08:35.760 They have a whole different level of posture. 1294 01:08:35.760 --> 01:08:39.080 An American woman feels like she has her rights, 1295 01:08:39.080 --> 01:08:40.000 and she does. 1296 01:08:40.000 --> 01:08:41.840 We've been blessed to live in a country 1297 01:08:41.840 --> 01:08:43.880 where women are given rights. 1298 01:08:45.600 --> 01:08:48.080 A woman can scream help and something's happening 1299 01:08:48.080 --> 01:08:49.279 and she's seen about. 1300 01:08:49.319 --> 01:08:51.240 We don't realize how much in other countries 1301 01:08:51.240 --> 01:08:53.359 that women are suppressed, 1302 01:08:53.359 --> 01:08:56.720 are looked at as literally nothing, 1303 01:08:56.720 --> 01:08:58.560 and are not considered. 1304 01:08:58.560 --> 01:09:00.399 And so I'm just wanna hit on this 1305 01:09:00.399 --> 01:09:01.720 so you can see the big difference 1306 01:09:01.720 --> 01:09:03.359 because sometimes we don't recognize 1307 01:09:03.359 --> 01:09:07.960 there's this huge difference in the way American women are. 1308 01:09:07.960 --> 01:09:10.160 And so American woman will get you straight. 1309 01:09:11.160 --> 01:09:12.880 Straight, straight. 1310 01:09:12.880 --> 01:09:13.720 Right? 1311 01:09:13.720 --> 01:09:17.120 We got our rights and you need to back up. 1312 01:09:17.120 --> 01:09:19.680 So not to say Nigerian don't have rights, 1313 01:09:19.680 --> 01:09:23.720 but take this for what I'm saying 1314 01:09:23.720 --> 01:09:26.520 and don't take it for what I'm not saying, 1315 01:09:26.520 --> 01:09:30.760 but there is a much, much, much greater level of submission. 1316 01:09:30.760 --> 01:09:31.840 Okay? 1317 01:09:31.840 --> 01:09:35.040 And so let's consider that. 1318 01:09:35.040 --> 01:09:37.760 And so he's gonna have his thoughts and opinions about, 1319 01:09:37.760 --> 01:09:40.399 like you said, a woman should have long hair. 1320 01:09:40.399 --> 01:09:43.240 This is not, I like a woman with long hair. 1321 01:09:43.240 --> 01:09:45.920 This is something that has been ingrained in him. 1322 01:09:46.760 --> 01:09:48.240 It's a belief system. 1323 01:09:49.439 --> 01:09:53.840 Now, your banter and his banter are gonna be different. 1324 01:09:53.840 --> 01:09:56.920 That's the difference you keep seeing, I believe. 1325 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.600 I want to work through this thing about he's critical of himself. 1326 01:10:05.600 --> 01:10:06.600 Mm-hmm. 1327 01:10:06.600 --> 01:10:12.880 He's not your husband, but I'm using this to show you something. 1328 01:10:12.880 --> 01:10:19.560 Your spirit mate is not going to be a person that is perfect, and he may show up as a person 1329 01:10:19.560 --> 01:10:23.680 who's more linked toward being critical toward himself. 1330 01:10:23.680 --> 01:10:28.560 It doesn't mean that he won't be worth it to you, right? 1331 01:10:28.560 --> 01:10:29.560 Yes, he is. 1332 01:10:29.560 --> 01:10:35.480 If he's critical to himself, he's very capable of being critical to you, but if he's aware, 1333 01:10:35.480 --> 01:10:40.880 you can tell that shows up, and then what's in you will help heal what's in him. 1334 01:10:40.880 --> 01:10:44.880 You're not rescuing him, because remember, he's already showing up to the table aware 1335 01:10:44.880 --> 01:10:51.400 of his behavior and dealing with his own behavior, so I just want to say that to you. 1336 01:10:51.400 --> 01:10:56.320 Now, so because of those culture differences, I think that's where this big difference is 1337 01:10:56.320 --> 01:11:02.080 coming from in banter and jokes, and it's going to show up in so many other different 1338 01:11:02.080 --> 01:11:04.080 areas, so I just wanted to address that. 1339 01:11:04.080 --> 01:11:08.160 I think that even though a lot of good things about him, I wanted you to be able to recognize 1340 01:11:08.160 --> 01:11:13.640 those things, so that when you see them again in somebody else, you can pick out good qualities, 1341 01:11:13.640 --> 01:11:19.080 and then you can look at what's not so good and really figure out, well, okay, that's 1342 01:11:19.080 --> 01:11:21.840 not so good, but that could be because of this. 1343 01:11:21.840 --> 01:11:25.560 It's really good to process instead of walking away saying, well, I really didn't like that, 1344 01:11:25.560 --> 01:11:28.280 so I was dealing with it. 1345 01:11:28.280 --> 01:11:29.920 That doesn't serve you. 1346 01:11:29.920 --> 01:11:35.600 That's not the highest service that you can give yourself from an encounter or an experience 1347 01:11:35.600 --> 01:11:36.680 with the person. 1348 01:11:36.680 --> 01:11:43.200 You kind of always want to dig through it, because remember, you are choosing your spouse 1349 01:11:43.200 --> 01:11:52.920 with the lenses of your heart, and your perception matters, and how you understand things matters, 1350 01:11:52.920 --> 01:11:59.200 but if I had to give, respond to you about should you walk away, I think that you should 1351 01:11:59.200 --> 01:12:01.040 walk away. 1352 01:12:01.040 --> 01:12:03.480 I think that you've given it enough time. 1353 01:12:03.480 --> 01:12:10.800 I believe that the same things you complained about with him at first are the same things 1354 01:12:10.800 --> 01:12:12.440 that you have an issue with now. 1355 01:12:12.440 --> 01:12:13.920 They never changed. 1356 01:12:13.920 --> 01:12:14.920 You didn't add. 1357 01:12:14.920 --> 01:12:20.000 You didn't take away, and I think it is challenging for you when y'all are not able to come on 1358 01:12:20.000 --> 01:12:21.360 one accord with small talk. 1359 01:12:21.360 --> 01:12:29.920 It's like you keep missing each other in that space, and it's a yes till it's a no. 1360 01:12:29.920 --> 01:12:37.240 Him liking to watch violent movies, some of us may be married to people who are in ministry 1361 01:12:37.240 --> 01:12:40.240 that watch horror movies. 1362 01:12:40.240 --> 01:12:41.840 Is it going to take away from their righteousness? 1363 01:12:41.840 --> 01:12:45.520 No, but does it tell me that they're not aware of what they're putting through their eye 1364 01:12:45.520 --> 01:12:48.520 gate and how it's affecting them? 1365 01:12:48.520 --> 01:13:01.720 Yes, and so I'm just telling you that, but I think that you did well. 1366 01:13:01.720 --> 01:13:07.200 Likes to go to cheaper restaurants on dates, and you're a foodie. 1367 01:13:07.200 --> 01:13:08.200 That's an issue. 1368 01:13:08.200 --> 01:13:09.200 If he tight, he tight. 1369 01:13:09.200 --> 01:13:10.200 You're going to be even tighter. 1370 01:13:10.200 --> 01:13:11.200 I'm telling you something now. 1371 01:13:11.200 --> 01:13:12.200 I hope ain't nobody don't hear. 1372 01:13:12.200 --> 01:13:17.840 African, this may not be you, but a lot of Nigerians, they like to send a lot of money 1373 01:13:17.840 --> 01:13:18.840 home to their people. 1374 01:13:18.840 --> 01:13:19.840 I think I talked to you about this. 1375 01:13:19.840 --> 01:13:20.840 I'm not about sending my money over there to your family. 1376 01:13:20.840 --> 01:13:21.840 We can put your mom and dad on a stipend or something every month, but we can't be sending 1377 01:13:21.840 --> 01:13:22.840 my money over there. 1378 01:13:22.840 --> 01:13:23.840 You can send your, and you can't even send your money because your money is my money, 1379 01:13:23.840 --> 01:13:24.840 but there are going to be some things happening there. 1380 01:13:24.840 --> 01:13:25.840 You've done well. 1381 01:13:25.840 --> 01:13:26.840 You gave it time. 1382 01:13:26.840 --> 01:13:27.840 You learned a lot. 1383 01:13:27.840 --> 01:13:53.680 He was born in the UK, actually, but his parents are both Nigerian, and he was very influenced 1384 01:13:53.680 --> 01:13:54.680 by them. 1385 01:13:54.680 --> 01:13:55.680 Yeah. 1386 01:13:55.680 --> 01:13:56.680 Because it was his mom and dad. 1387 01:13:56.680 --> 01:14:03.320 So Nigerians generally, even when they live in another country, they raise their children 1388 01:14:03.320 --> 01:14:04.880 according to their culture. 1389 01:14:04.880 --> 01:14:05.880 Yeah. 1390 01:14:05.880 --> 01:14:11.680 Which is so tough for them to acclimate then here, but yes. 1391 01:14:11.680 --> 01:14:16.120 I think if it were me, I would raise my children according to my culture as well, unless my 1392 01:14:16.120 --> 01:14:17.120 culture was toxic. 1393 01:14:17.120 --> 01:14:24.120 I believe that, I think, you know, I don't know, you want them to be connected with both. 1394 01:14:24.120 --> 01:14:27.120 You don't want them to lose it, but I think you've done well. 1395 01:14:27.120 --> 01:14:32.000 I think you can applaud him when you walk away with all the things that you enjoy about 1396 01:14:32.000 --> 01:14:33.000 him. 1397 01:14:33.000 --> 01:14:39.000 And just tell him, like, I've enjoyed these things about you, and I just don't believe 1398 01:14:39.000 --> 01:14:40.600 that we align right now. 1399 01:14:40.600 --> 01:14:41.600 Yeah. 1400 01:14:41.600 --> 01:14:42.600 Thank you. 1401 01:14:42.600 --> 01:14:43.600 You did good, Alexandra. 1402 01:14:43.600 --> 01:14:44.600 Thank you. 1403 01:14:44.600 --> 01:14:50.920 And I always find it awkward to like, how do I word, like, I would love for him to meet 1404 01:14:50.920 --> 01:14:53.240 someone else in this program. 1405 01:14:53.360 --> 01:14:57.080 Like, how do you, or do you think that's a good idea? 1406 01:14:57.080 --> 01:14:58.240 And how do you introduce that? 1407 01:14:58.240 --> 01:14:59.960 Because it feels touchy when you're like... 1408 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.920 Ending things with someone but like here's a dating app 1409 01:15:03.920 --> 01:15:04.960 or 1410 01:15:04.960 --> 01:15:06.480 work 1411 01:15:06.480 --> 01:15:08.840 For me you wanna for me now 1412 01:15:08.840 --> 01:15:10.400 I can't speak to you for him 1413 01:15:10.400 --> 01:15:14.920 But for me is an insult if you don't want to talk to me get off my phone and by back 1414 01:15:16.080 --> 01:15:20.240 But I don't need you to fix me up with nobody 1415 01:15:22.000 --> 01:15:24.520 Cuz it almost sounds like a pity thing like I 1416 01:15:25.160 --> 01:15:31.500 Don't like you but look I want but what you're saying is my heart is well towards you 1417 01:15:31.680 --> 01:15:37.040 That's what you say. I want to see you prosper. Yeah, I want to see you do well 1418 01:15:37.560 --> 01:15:40.680 Like he might he would very well be a good match for someone else 1419 01:15:40.680 --> 01:15:41.080 Yeah 1420 01:15:41.080 --> 01:15:47.240 He could there would be a match for somebody else because there could be not so much of a culture difference there 1421 01:15:47.440 --> 01:15:49.800 Right, and so I agree with you 1422 01:15:50.600 --> 01:15:55.680 You could tell him like, you know after you, you know share, you know, have a really good 1423 01:15:56.480 --> 01:16:01.400 Healthy conversation with him. I don't know how he's gonna take the conversation at the end 1424 01:16:01.480 --> 01:16:03.720 But you know, you can always say like hey 1425 01:16:04.480 --> 01:16:08.560 If you're ever interested, I'm in a really good dating program if you ever want to know about it 1426 01:16:08.560 --> 01:16:12.280 I think there's some women in there that may suit you this kind of you can see 1427 01:16:13.200 --> 01:16:15.200 That's a good way to put it 1428 01:16:15.440 --> 01:16:17.440 Thank you so much 1429 01:16:18.040 --> 01:16:24.720 Well, thank you and I just pray peace over your heart right now with everything that's going on with your sweet dog 1430 01:16:25.280 --> 01:16:28.000 Yeah, I pray that the Lord's wraparound presence. Oh 1431 01:16:30.280 --> 01:16:31.920 Diagnosed with leukemia 1432 01:16:31.920 --> 01:16:39.200 Today you guys and so I just pray for the Lord's wraparound presence in your home around your heart and around your sweet 1433 01:16:39.200 --> 01:16:42.940 Pup, and I know that God is with you. He's right by your side 1434 01:16:43.960 --> 01:16:45.960 Thank you 1435 01:16:46.960 --> 01:16:50.080 Ashley tell us about the mr. Eric 1436 01:16:52.400 --> 01:16:56.400 Eric right? Yeah. Yeah, it's Eric. Hi. I see this now 1437 01:17:00.680 --> 01:17:03.920 We just we have really great conversations he's 1438 01:17:05.200 --> 01:17:11.200 Emotionally mature and marriage minded and you talked you talked you mentioned you said to Alexandra about being aware of own behavior 1439 01:17:11.200 --> 01:17:13.840 Like he's always listening to what God's saying 1440 01:17:13.880 --> 01:17:18.160 He's aware, you know behaviors and he told me recently even he was like there's some he was like 1441 01:17:18.160 --> 01:17:20.400 I noticed some things God's talking to me about that 1442 01:17:20.400 --> 01:17:23.080 I got to work on that. I haven't but he's been talking to me about that 1443 01:17:23.080 --> 01:17:25.200 I haven't been working on that. I need to be working on 1444 01:17:29.080 --> 01:17:31.080 He 1445 01:17:31.240 --> 01:17:33.920 He sees me he listens he's gentle 1446 01:17:35.240 --> 01:17:39.720 I'll like explain something in my random like can't get my words together 1447 01:17:40.720 --> 01:17:43.520 Kind of way and then he'll like he'll likes 1448 01:17:44.720 --> 01:17:50.760 No, like, you know, we're like repeat back like hear what I'm saying, and I'll say it and I'm like, yes, that's exactly what I'm saying 1449 01:17:54.560 --> 01:17:56.560 It's it's been really good 1450 01:17:57.400 --> 01:18:03.160 Yeah, you feel seen heard and known. Yes. Yes. It's also very terrifying 1451 01:18:03.160 --> 01:18:06.600 It's all been used against me before so it makes it very terrifying 1452 01:18:07.120 --> 01:18:12.240 What does that mean? It's all been used against you before my ex is really manipulative 1453 01:18:12.760 --> 01:18:19.680 Mm-hmm, like I remember even having a conversation with my ex before like, you know, that's manipulating, right? 1454 01:18:19.680 --> 01:18:24.600 He was like, no, I'm just doing da da da da da and I literally sat there and looked up the definition of manipulation 1455 01:18:24.600 --> 01:18:28.840 I was like, no, you just gave me the definition of manipulation. That's what you're doing 1456 01:18:29.000 --> 01:18:37.320 So, what are you saying being used against you before what do you mean by that with Eric you know, no with my my like I 1457 01:18:38.080 --> 01:18:41.160 Just worry because he can see me so well 1458 01:18:42.080 --> 01:18:44.080 that 1459 01:18:44.760 --> 01:18:48.480 That it could be being used against me. Oh 1460 01:18:49.760 --> 01:18:51.280 I 1461 01:18:51.280 --> 01:18:53.280 don't know 1462 01:18:53.760 --> 01:18:57.320 That it could be being used against me oh 1463 01:18:58.800 --> 01:19:01.240 Because you are operating vulnerability 1464 01:19:02.040 --> 01:19:05.600 Mm-hmm because of your level of vulnerability with him 1465 01:19:06.040 --> 01:19:11.000 You are concerned because of your past experience that he will use those things 1466 01:19:11.520 --> 01:19:16.040 Against you in the future in some sort of way. Mm-hmm, which I've not seen 1467 01:19:16.400 --> 01:19:21.160 What you've not seen and so what you do is when you have those type of fears 1468 01:19:21.280 --> 01:19:23.280 You're not gonna be able to convince yourself 1469 01:19:23.400 --> 01:19:30.520 That oh, he's not like that. The reason why you can't convince yours. You cannot fully do it is because you don't know him 1470 01:19:32.160 --> 01:19:35.520 Because your heart knows that you don't fully know him yet 1471 01:19:35.720 --> 01:19:41.040 So your mind has had experiences and you've had conversations and you've discussed things 1472 01:19:41.040 --> 01:19:46.720 But your body literally knows that you don't know him that way. Oh, yeah 1473 01:19:47.480 --> 01:19:54.600 That you are still in the process of getting to know him and so in your vulnerability actually 1474 01:19:55.160 --> 01:19:57.160 What you have to do is 1475 01:19:57.840 --> 01:19:59.840 Guard your heart without diligence 1476 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:07.000 I didn't say wall your heart without diligence, but before you give certain levels of vulnerability, 1477 01:20:07.000 --> 01:20:13.680 before you are vulnerable in certain, there are levels to vulnerability. 1478 01:20:13.680 --> 01:20:18.240 Because a person can store one level of vulnerability, it doesn't mean they can store the other level 1479 01:20:18.240 --> 01:20:19.680 of vulnerability. 1480 01:20:19.680 --> 01:20:24.560 You don't know if they can store it or not, but time shows it to you. 1481 01:20:24.560 --> 01:20:28.200 And so sometimes when we can trust a person they're easy to talk to, we believe that we 1482 01:20:28.200 --> 01:20:30.200 can pile it all on them. 1483 01:20:30.200 --> 01:20:35.600 They have yet to proven how they steward our hearts or how they steward their hearts because 1484 01:20:35.600 --> 01:20:39.480 we've not seen enough of it in action. 1485 01:20:39.480 --> 01:20:46.160 Because you know, because I ain't telling you this, this truth, what you do is you release 1486 01:20:46.160 --> 01:20:55.080 parts of your heart or the levels of vulnerability that you're going to operate in, in phases. 1487 01:20:55.080 --> 01:21:01.040 And so no matter what you've been doing before now, pull that back and keep it at a certain 1488 01:21:01.040 --> 01:21:05.440 level in the more deeper parts of your heart that you are processing. 1489 01:21:05.440 --> 01:21:12.240 You take it to a safe place, like someone who fully knows your value, somebody who's 1490 01:21:12.240 --> 01:21:19.680 walked with you for a long distance, give that to them and watch what you, what you've 1491 01:21:19.680 --> 01:21:28.440 invested already over the next six months, how it's cared for, how it's honored. 1492 01:21:28.440 --> 01:21:29.440 Does that make sense? 1493 01:21:29.440 --> 01:21:35.040 There are friends I have that I love, but they don't get every part of my heart because 1494 01:21:35.040 --> 01:21:39.280 they can't steward it. 1495 01:21:39.280 --> 01:21:43.800 Even when you're married, if anybody's been married on this line before, including me, 1496 01:21:43.800 --> 01:21:48.400 even when you're married, your husband can't steward all parts of your heart. 1497 01:21:48.400 --> 01:21:54.680 There are parts of their own heart they haven't cared for and nobody is supposed to be the 1498 01:21:54.680 --> 01:21:59.400 keeper of your heart, but the father and the father leads you on how to release parts of 1499 01:21:59.400 --> 01:22:05.360 your heart into safe environments, because you are limited in your ability to, to perceive 1500 01:22:05.360 --> 01:22:11.640 and to see and to know it takes someone much higher than you to help you release at the 1501 01:22:11.640 --> 01:22:13.200 appropriate time. 1502 01:22:13.200 --> 01:22:21.680 This is what wisdom tells you, this is what wisdom tells you, that it takes time and seasons 1503 01:22:21.680 --> 01:22:29.560 to know people, not out of fear, but out of wisdom that you give people an opportunity 1504 01:22:29.560 --> 01:22:34.880 to watch how they steward their heart before you give them your heart to steward. 1505 01:22:34.880 --> 01:22:39.640 As a matter of fact, you don't need them to steward your heart, you steward your own heart 1506 01:22:39.720 --> 01:22:46.080 and you allow parts of your heart at the proper time to be put into their hands to see what 1507 01:22:46.080 --> 01:22:47.080 they do with it. 1508 01:22:47.080 --> 01:22:49.600 And so you've done a good number. 1509 01:22:49.600 --> 01:22:58.360 So some of your fears are based on principles that are natural working principles, that 1510 01:22:58.360 --> 01:23:03.400 even though your ex-husband done that, you don't have to live based on him, but you can 1511 01:23:03.400 --> 01:23:08.720 put yourself under the order of wisdom that I just shared with you and say, okay, I've 1512 01:23:08.800 --> 01:23:15.640 been pretty vulnerable, I think that's enough to watch how this rolls out. 1513 01:23:15.640 --> 01:23:19.920 And then you just watch and you be a fruit inspector. 1514 01:23:19.920 --> 01:23:24.800 And then you see how that's handled, not over a week, not over two weeks, over three months, 1515 01:23:24.800 --> 01:23:30.680 over four months, and then you give out a little bit more. 1516 01:23:30.680 --> 01:23:39.840 You know how I told you that scenario that when a woman likes a man and it's at the end 1517 01:23:39.840 --> 01:23:45.040 of the week or two weeks, she sits across the table from him and she says, I got something 1518 01:23:45.040 --> 01:23:48.160 for you. 1519 01:23:48.160 --> 01:23:55.320 She takes out her heart and passes it over, here you go, because I like you. 1520 01:23:55.320 --> 01:23:58.400 That's how women communicate. 1521 01:23:58.400 --> 01:24:01.680 If I like you, I'm going to give you something that's precious to me. 1522 01:24:01.680 --> 01:24:07.120 I'm going to give you my treasure, but that's not wisdom. 1523 01:24:07.120 --> 01:24:11.600 But a woman is very prone, they did a study that that's what women do. 1524 01:24:11.600 --> 01:24:16.480 When they like a man, they say, I'm going to give you something, and they try to give 1525 01:24:16.480 --> 01:24:19.160 the very best that they have. 1526 01:24:19.160 --> 01:24:23.760 And for a woman, her heart is the very best that she has. 1527 01:24:23.760 --> 01:24:28.240 And sometimes, unknowingly, we will put it in our hands and hand it over. 1528 01:24:28.240 --> 01:24:32.160 And then we'll say, oh, how could you do that to me? 1529 01:24:32.160 --> 01:24:33.720 I told you I didn't like that. 1530 01:24:33.720 --> 01:24:35.320 I told you that hurt me. 1531 01:24:35.320 --> 01:24:36.600 I told you this. 1532 01:24:36.600 --> 01:24:37.720 I told you that. 1533 01:24:37.720 --> 01:24:38.720 I told you this. 1534 01:24:38.720 --> 01:24:39.720 I told you that. 1535 01:24:39.720 --> 01:24:40.720 You said you understood. 1536 01:24:40.720 --> 01:24:52.120 I told, I told, I told, I told, because you believe that your words somehow equal an understanding. 1537 01:24:52.120 --> 01:24:55.240 And that was never the, that's not the order. 1538 01:24:55.240 --> 01:24:58.040 The order is pacing and timing. 1539 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.200 That's just the order. 1540 01:25:02.200 --> 01:25:04.900 And that helps you guard your heart without diligence. 1541 01:25:06.880 --> 01:25:09.980 And it helps you not have unrealistic expectations 1542 01:25:09.980 --> 01:25:12.480 of a person and put more on them 1543 01:25:12.480 --> 01:25:15.200 than they can bear as a human 1544 01:25:15.200 --> 01:25:17.620 or that they were even supposed to carry. 1545 01:25:19.040 --> 01:25:21.000 And you've loaded it on them and tell them 1546 01:25:21.000 --> 01:25:24.160 to carry something that they're not equipped to carry 1547 01:25:25.520 --> 01:25:27.220 because it just takes time. 1548 01:25:28.220 --> 01:25:31.900 So I hope that's helpful to you for that fear 1549 01:25:31.900 --> 01:25:34.500 because you don't have to live in fear. 1550 01:25:36.180 --> 01:25:37.760 Nobody has to live in fear. 1551 01:25:38.820 --> 01:25:43.820 You can submit to wisdom and operate from that place. 1552 01:25:43.860 --> 01:25:45.820 And actually when you do that, 1553 01:25:45.820 --> 01:25:48.000 you're gonna see fear leave you. 1554 01:25:49.540 --> 01:25:53.060 Yeah, on Christmas we were talking 1555 01:25:53.060 --> 01:25:55.660 and he'd said something, he'd asked a question 1556 01:25:55.660 --> 01:25:59.140 and he'd said something and immediately, 1557 01:25:59.140 --> 01:26:02.900 I hadn't told him about this conversation I'd had with God 1558 01:26:02.900 --> 01:26:05.980 and immediately God reminded me of the conversation I had 1559 01:26:05.980 --> 01:26:10.980 and I needed to, basically there was a shift. 1560 01:26:13.900 --> 01:26:14.740 There was a shift. 1561 01:26:14.740 --> 01:26:19.500 God had said that to receive 1562 01:26:19.500 --> 01:26:20.940 what God was trying to give me, 1563 01:26:20.940 --> 01:26:22.820 there were a couple of things that I needed to release. 1564 01:26:22.820 --> 01:26:24.500 And in that moment, that was something 1565 01:26:24.500 --> 01:26:27.440 that I needed to lean into and to release. 1566 01:26:27.440 --> 01:26:29.300 And so there was a shift after that. 1567 01:26:31.700 --> 01:26:32.900 A good shift, right? 1568 01:26:32.900 --> 01:26:34.420 A good shift, a good shift. 1569 01:26:34.420 --> 01:26:36.260 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was good. 1570 01:26:36.260 --> 01:26:37.580 And we talked about it later 1571 01:26:37.580 --> 01:26:41.420 and he'd also noticed the shift, so it was pretty big. 1572 01:26:41.420 --> 01:26:46.420 Yeah, well, that's good, that's good, that's good. 1573 01:26:48.460 --> 01:26:50.940 So I'm happy that you like him. 1574 01:26:50.940 --> 01:26:52.900 You know, I'm gonna sing this song to you. 1575 01:26:52.900 --> 01:26:54.060 I'm really happy you like him. 1576 01:26:54.620 --> 01:26:56.900 That smile, who remember it? 1577 01:26:56.900 --> 01:26:59.100 I don't know, everybody's here when Ashley, 1578 01:27:00.140 --> 01:27:02.580 when Ashley, she's a different woman. 1579 01:27:02.580 --> 01:27:04.060 And it's not just because of this man, 1580 01:27:04.060 --> 01:27:06.220 she was this different woman before he came along. 1581 01:27:06.220 --> 01:27:09.020 You have blossomed so much, just had so much breakthrough. 1582 01:27:09.020 --> 01:27:12.500 That's been a word that I've been hearing a lot is blooming 1583 01:27:12.500 --> 01:27:14.540 with this song, Seasons of Blooming. 1584 01:27:14.540 --> 01:27:15.380 Yeah. 1585 01:27:15.380 --> 01:27:17.460 And I've also heard acceleration, 1586 01:27:17.460 --> 01:27:19.380 which is part of the reason why the whole thing's 1587 01:27:19.380 --> 01:27:21.420 been a little bit terrifying. 1588 01:27:21.420 --> 01:27:22.260 Yeah. 1589 01:27:25.060 --> 01:27:30.020 And yeah, and I show up, I know I show up different with him 1590 01:27:30.020 --> 01:27:34.500 but also I realized like I show up as myself. 1591 01:27:34.500 --> 01:27:35.620 This did it. 1592 01:27:35.620 --> 01:27:36.540 Right? 1593 01:27:36.540 --> 01:27:37.380 Yeah. 1594 01:27:37.380 --> 01:27:39.100 And I notice, 1595 01:27:42.020 --> 01:27:43.900 cause I am worried about the manipulation, 1596 01:27:43.900 --> 01:27:46.940 but at the same time, like I am feeling safe. 1597 01:27:46.940 --> 01:27:49.300 I'm feeling safe and I'm feeling seen. 1598 01:27:49.580 --> 01:27:54.580 And so I'm able to express and speak more 1599 01:27:55.940 --> 01:27:57.580 than I have in the past. 1600 01:27:57.580 --> 01:27:59.500 And it's safe every time. 1601 01:28:01.620 --> 01:28:02.820 That's good. 1602 01:28:02.820 --> 01:28:04.260 And so I'm gonna remind you. 1603 01:28:04.260 --> 01:28:05.300 And I've been responding, sorry. 1604 01:28:05.300 --> 01:28:07.660 I've been responding to my kids differently as well. 1605 01:28:07.660 --> 01:28:09.380 Oh, that's good. 1606 01:28:09.380 --> 01:28:10.980 It's coming everywhere. 1607 01:28:10.980 --> 01:28:11.820 Yeah. 1608 01:28:11.820 --> 01:28:12.660 It's coming everywhere. 1609 01:28:12.660 --> 01:28:13.500 That's so good. 1610 01:28:13.500 --> 01:28:16.660 I'm glad that you're in a time of acceleration. 1611 01:28:17.540 --> 01:28:19.060 I want you to pace yourself. 1612 01:28:20.220 --> 01:28:23.340 I want you to pace yourself and pace yourself 1613 01:28:23.340 --> 01:28:26.820 and pace yourself and pace yourself and pace yourself. 1614 01:28:26.820 --> 01:28:29.300 How many weeks have y'all been knowing each other? 1615 01:28:31.020 --> 01:28:34.220 Over a month now, like five weeks, I think. 1616 01:28:34.220 --> 01:28:36.900 So you've only known him for one month and one week. 1617 01:28:38.340 --> 01:28:39.900 I know you feel like you know him, 1618 01:28:39.900 --> 01:28:42.580 but I'm gonna remind you, look at the camera. 1619 01:28:42.580 --> 01:28:43.860 Look at me. 1620 01:28:43.860 --> 01:28:44.940 You don't know him. 1621 01:28:45.940 --> 01:28:46.940 Okay. 1622 01:28:46.940 --> 01:28:49.100 Now, you need to pace yourself 1623 01:28:49.100 --> 01:28:51.340 and pace yourself and pace yourself. 1624 01:28:51.340 --> 01:28:55.260 Because within you, when I say you don't know him 1625 01:28:55.260 --> 01:28:58.220 and you feel a deep embedding that you do, 1626 01:28:58.220 --> 01:29:00.380 you need to pace yourself and pace yourself 1627 01:29:00.380 --> 01:29:01.220 and pace yourself. 1628 01:29:01.220 --> 01:29:04.660 Because I am telling you, you know no one in five weeks. 1629 01:29:05.700 --> 01:29:08.020 You need to pace yourself and pace yourself 1630 01:29:08.020 --> 01:29:09.180 and pace yourself. 1631 01:29:09.180 --> 01:29:10.580 Those feelings that you have, 1632 01:29:10.580 --> 01:29:13.900 you gonna have to reel them in. 1633 01:29:14.100 --> 01:29:15.500 The more you think you know him, 1634 01:29:15.500 --> 01:29:17.860 the more you're gonna wanna be physical. 1635 01:29:17.860 --> 01:29:19.540 These are natural things. 1636 01:29:19.540 --> 01:29:22.700 It ain't just because it's Ashley, it's natural. 1637 01:29:22.700 --> 01:29:26.460 So you pace yourself, you pace yourself, you pace yourself. 1638 01:29:26.460 --> 01:29:28.540 If you don't, it doesn't matter 1639 01:29:28.540 --> 01:29:30.860 if you believe he's the one or not. 1640 01:29:30.860 --> 01:29:33.380 God is not in a hurry to get you 1641 01:29:33.380 --> 01:29:36.740 into some type of physical tie up with a man. 1642 01:29:36.740 --> 01:29:40.020 God is not in a hurry to get you to sex. 1643 01:29:40.020 --> 01:29:41.860 I'm gonna help you with that one. 1644 01:29:41.860 --> 01:29:44.500 There ain't no acceleration that he done put on your life 1645 01:29:44.500 --> 01:29:46.620 that's gonna cause you to operate in sin. 1646 01:29:47.580 --> 01:29:48.660 And it may say, well, Ebony, 1647 01:29:48.660 --> 01:29:50.500 what seems like the only thing you're thinking about sin? 1648 01:29:50.500 --> 01:29:52.140 No, I'm being real with you. 1649 01:29:52.140 --> 01:29:53.780 The more you cuddle, the more you walk, 1650 01:29:53.780 --> 01:29:54.940 the more you hold hands. 1651 01:29:54.940 --> 01:29:57.220 And those things cost you. 1652 01:29:57.220 --> 01:30:00.060 Because if he's the one. 1653 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.240 that comes to bring restoration to your heart 1654 01:30:02.240 --> 01:30:05.040 is he's the one, if you find out down the road six months 1655 01:30:05.040 --> 01:30:08.300 that, oh, we really don't work but it was a fun time, 1656 01:30:08.300 --> 01:30:10.360 you wouldn't have traded everything over 1657 01:30:10.360 --> 01:30:12.560 in the name of what God said it was acceleration 1658 01:30:12.560 --> 01:30:14.760 but you're going down a path that doesn't look like God. 1659 01:30:14.760 --> 01:30:16.680 So if we're gonna hang out on the side of God 1660 01:30:16.680 --> 01:30:19.520 and what God is doing, then you wanna pace yourself 1661 01:30:19.520 --> 01:30:21.320 and pace yourself and pace yourself 1662 01:30:21.320 --> 01:30:23.400 because there could be acceleration 1663 01:30:23.400 --> 01:30:26.600 and you operate in wisdom and pace yourself. 1664 01:30:26.600 --> 01:30:27.640 Does that make sense? 1665 01:30:28.600 --> 01:30:30.440 Yeah, I really like that. 1666 01:30:30.440 --> 01:30:31.280 Huh? 1667 01:30:32.360 --> 01:30:33.480 The pace yourself. 1668 01:30:33.480 --> 01:30:37.360 I just, I do really well with examples. 1669 01:30:37.360 --> 01:30:41.520 I'm like, I like pacing self examples. 1670 01:30:41.520 --> 01:30:45.840 If you feel like, you know something's moving fast. 1671 01:30:45.840 --> 01:30:47.520 You can feel it. 1672 01:30:47.520 --> 01:30:51.800 It's like, oh, you know it. 1673 01:30:51.800 --> 01:30:53.720 You can say like, this makes me nervous. 1674 01:30:53.720 --> 01:30:54.880 It's moving fast. 1675 01:30:54.880 --> 01:30:56.440 If you know it's moving fast, 1676 01:30:56.440 --> 01:30:59.080 you have to find a way to pull back. 1677 01:30:59.080 --> 01:31:02.760 You pull back by cutting your talk time down. 1678 01:31:02.760 --> 01:31:04.540 You do it with vigilance. 1679 01:31:04.540 --> 01:31:06.720 You do it and don't apologize for it. 1680 01:31:06.720 --> 01:31:10.680 You do it and say, we are moving fast and I like you 1681 01:31:10.680 --> 01:31:13.840 and my end goal as I date with intentionality 1682 01:31:13.840 --> 01:31:16.240 and I date for marriage, I'm going to help us 1683 01:31:16.240 --> 01:31:19.900 by helping myself less talk less. 1684 01:31:21.600 --> 01:31:23.000 That's what you do. 1685 01:31:23.000 --> 01:31:27.480 If you talk less, start doing other activities 1686 01:31:27.480 --> 01:31:28.840 when you, I mean, you have your children 1687 01:31:28.840 --> 01:31:30.800 so you have a very full life. 1688 01:31:30.800 --> 01:31:32.960 I understand that and you're already trying 1689 01:31:32.960 --> 01:31:37.960 to fit conversations in where you can, but pull back 1690 01:31:38.800 --> 01:31:41.040 and you tell them what you're doing, why you're doing it 1691 01:31:41.040 --> 01:31:43.260 and y'all could do it as a team. 1692 01:31:43.260 --> 01:31:45.680 It's not like you're coming in and trying to go against him. 1693 01:31:45.680 --> 01:31:48.960 You're telling him, I want us to make it for the long haul. 1694 01:31:48.960 --> 01:31:51.360 I know what I'm experiencing in my body. 1695 01:31:53.000 --> 01:31:55.840 I know what we've experienced together. 1696 01:31:55.840 --> 01:31:57.400 You know what it's like when you're around a person. 1697 01:31:57.400 --> 01:31:59.280 You know when the chemistry is high. 1698 01:31:59.280 --> 01:32:02.040 So all these things, you know, but you're going to have 1699 01:32:02.040 --> 01:32:04.240 to find a way to pace yourself and one good way 1700 01:32:04.240 --> 01:32:07.480 is to kind of tighten up on that communication part, 1701 01:32:07.480 --> 01:32:10.740 how much you talk or whatever it is. 1702 01:32:13.400 --> 01:32:16.220 If you have to, I know y'all do like weekends 1703 01:32:16.220 --> 01:32:19.240 when he comes down or you up or whatever it is. 1704 01:32:19.240 --> 01:32:21.720 Say, let's just spend one day together. 1705 01:32:22.440 --> 01:32:25.960 I mean, I dated someone that lived three hours away 1706 01:32:25.960 --> 01:32:30.960 and I was very paced because I know what distance can do. 1707 01:32:31.760 --> 01:32:33.600 And it can make you think in your heart 1708 01:32:33.600 --> 01:32:35.120 if you just had them there with you. 1709 01:32:35.120 --> 01:32:37.400 So there's already a momentum working in you 1710 01:32:37.400 --> 01:32:39.600 because you can't see them every day. 1711 01:32:39.600 --> 01:32:42.000 There's a momentum and it's going and it's building 1712 01:32:42.000 --> 01:32:43.760 and it's going and it's building. 1713 01:32:43.760 --> 01:32:47.880 And so you can check those areas and check yourself 1714 01:32:47.880 --> 01:32:49.400 when you feel like you know him 1715 01:32:49.400 --> 01:32:51.800 because I'm telling you, Ashley, you don't. 1716 01:32:51.800 --> 01:32:55.000 And if you rebel against me, tell inside of you, 1717 01:32:55.000 --> 01:32:57.560 if it books against me and you ain't been knowing him 1718 01:32:57.560 --> 01:33:00.040 for five weeks and I know you got good sense 1719 01:33:00.040 --> 01:33:03.120 and I know you know you can't know nobody in five weeks 1720 01:33:03.120 --> 01:33:05.920 and you feel that book say, hey, hey, what's that? 1721 01:33:06.800 --> 01:33:09.220 What's this thing that wants to be so sure 1722 01:33:09.220 --> 01:33:12.840 that you can't hear something outside of it, right? 1723 01:33:12.840 --> 01:33:14.080 You know, have you ever dated somebody 1724 01:33:14.080 --> 01:33:16.040 and you don't want nobody to say nothing to you about them 1725 01:33:16.040 --> 01:33:18.080 and they sound like they finna say something 1726 01:33:18.080 --> 01:33:20.000 against your good stuff. 1727 01:33:20.000 --> 01:33:22.480 You like, it's something in you that books up. 1728 01:33:22.480 --> 01:33:26.400 Like that's a real, real thing, right? 1729 01:33:26.400 --> 01:33:29.840 When you feel that book, say, hey, what's this about? 1730 01:33:29.840 --> 01:33:32.200 I don't have a scarcity mindset. 1731 01:33:32.200 --> 01:33:34.160 I'm open to hear. 1732 01:33:34.160 --> 01:33:36.200 Lord, I'm open to hear. 1733 01:33:36.200 --> 01:33:38.120 I'm open to hear. 1734 01:33:38.120 --> 01:33:40.520 I'm open, like you have to keep telling yourself, 1735 01:33:40.520 --> 01:33:42.480 you have to keep doing these things. 1736 01:33:42.480 --> 01:33:45.740 You have to be your own coach in your own head, Ashley. 1737 01:33:46.620 --> 01:33:49.580 And you gotta cause yourself to submit to wisdom 1738 01:33:49.580 --> 01:33:51.980 because you're not gonna do it on your own 1739 01:33:51.980 --> 01:33:54.140 because it feels so good. 1740 01:33:55.860 --> 01:33:58.580 And just, it do feel good, it do feel good, 1741 01:33:58.580 --> 01:34:02.940 but just keep showing up and keep spilling it all out. 1742 01:34:02.940 --> 01:34:04.340 Like, just like, this is what it is. 1743 01:34:04.340 --> 01:34:06.460 I mean, even if you don't wanna do it in the chat 1744 01:34:06.460 --> 01:34:09.600 or whatever, a private, like this is what it is. 1745 01:34:09.600 --> 01:34:10.840 This is where we are. 1746 01:34:10.840 --> 01:34:11.980 This is what's happening. 1747 01:34:11.980 --> 01:34:13.940 Give me wisdom. 1748 01:34:13.940 --> 01:34:15.540 Give me understanding. 1749 01:34:16.740 --> 01:34:19.220 Yeah, when you were talking to Lori during the one o'clock, 1750 01:34:19.220 --> 01:34:22.300 I was like, okay, got it. 1751 01:34:22.300 --> 01:34:26.820 Hearing it, I was like, I don't like it. 1752 01:34:26.820 --> 01:34:28.660 Oh yeah, oh, cause I was gonna say, 1753 01:34:28.660 --> 01:34:30.500 if you were at one o'clock and you had heard Lori, 1754 01:34:30.500 --> 01:34:32.060 it would have been very helpful to you 1755 01:34:32.060 --> 01:34:33.860 because she just laid it out and she was, 1756 01:34:33.860 --> 01:34:36.820 and I was like, hey, look, don't do that. 1757 01:34:36.820 --> 01:34:39.580 And she was like, okay, I like wisdom. 1758 01:34:39.580 --> 01:34:40.700 You're right. 1759 01:34:40.700 --> 01:34:42.260 Yeah. 1760 01:34:42.260 --> 01:34:44.260 You're not gonna have enough sometimes. 1761 01:34:44.260 --> 01:34:45.380 Don't take this like this. 1762 01:34:45.380 --> 01:34:47.860 Cause it's not, when we like somebody, 1763 01:34:47.860 --> 01:34:49.940 we just kind of lose our senses. 1764 01:34:51.620 --> 01:34:55.180 So it takes somebody outside of you that you say, 1765 01:34:55.180 --> 01:34:57.180 I know they're right. 1766 01:34:57.180 --> 01:34:58.700 Let me submit myself. 1767 01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:07.140 because if I don't have somebody to help me I'm gonna run amok. And it's true. 1768 01:35:07.140 --> 01:35:18.060 Yeah some of my problem has been that I feel like like things that I've been 1769 01:35:18.060 --> 01:35:22.140 hearing from God for a while like that they're coming that they're coming in 1770 01:35:22.140 --> 01:35:30.660 alignment and so that makes it harder as well. Yeah but it shouldn't make it 1771 01:35:30.660 --> 01:35:37.020 harder for you. The one way to keep your mindset clear is to operate 1772 01:35:37.020 --> 01:35:44.780 in purity. Okay that's why I keep hanging on because it's gonna blind you. So 1773 01:35:44.780 --> 01:35:47.860 whatever you're hearing from God is not going against you operating in purity. 1774 01:35:47.860 --> 01:35:50.940 Whatever you're hearing from God is not going against you operating in 1775 01:35:50.940 --> 01:35:55.060 boundaries. And if what you're hearing from God is causing you to go against 1776 01:35:55.060 --> 01:35:59.500 boundaries, that you're in a healthy program that told you that this serves 1777 01:35:59.500 --> 01:36:03.780 you best because they produce marriages, and this program is for kingdom 1778 01:36:03.780 --> 01:36:11.300 marriages, then something's in conflict here. Because the order of God doesn't go 1779 01:36:11.300 --> 01:36:20.140 against the Word of God. Okay and so the the promises of God don't say in a 1780 01:36:20.140 --> 01:36:25.820 little fine line um talk on the phone to somebody four hours out the day. Yeah. 1781 01:36:25.820 --> 01:36:32.580 Wisdom tells me there's too much if I want to make the long haul. Wisdom tells 1782 01:36:32.580 --> 01:36:36.500 me that at a certain height of liking a person we don't need to be coated up on 1783 01:36:36.500 --> 01:36:42.740 the couch watching certain type of movies. Wisdom tells me that I need to 1784 01:36:42.740 --> 01:36:53.620 guard some things. Right? So whatever opposes the order of God, that's an issue 1785 01:36:53.620 --> 01:36:59.060 and you need to deal with that issue. Yes the Word of God doesn't go against 1786 01:36:59.060 --> 01:37:03.020 boundaries and we think acceleration, we just throw everything in the bucket with 1787 01:37:03.020 --> 01:37:06.780 acceleration. And you have to be mindful not to do that actually. Does that make 1788 01:37:06.780 --> 01:37:16.300 sense? Mm-hmm. You really do. Um and that's just how they work and the best way to do 1789 01:37:16.300 --> 01:37:22.860 it is to pace yourself. You see better when you pace. Yeah. God knows the end so 1790 01:37:22.860 --> 01:37:29.180 he don't have a reason to be, to run. Yeah. 1791 01:37:29.300 --> 01:37:36.580 Yeah? Yeah. He's invested, yeah he's invested in your growth. He's invested in 1792 01:37:36.580 --> 01:37:47.780 your growth. He, God is very much invested in your growth. Okay. All right. You got this. 1793 01:37:47.780 --> 01:37:52.420 Thanks. You're welcome. All right. Oh we gotta go. 1794 01:37:52.420 --> 01:38:01.580 Lovetta. Lovetta did you see my, did you see my um my responses to you? I did. I 1795 01:38:01.580 --> 01:38:07.220 did. So the one fella that I was, I had a phone conversation with that I actually 1796 01:38:07.220 --> 01:38:13.500 thought might be you know halfway decent is the one that says like I'll call you 1797 01:38:13.500 --> 01:38:20.260 back and I haven't heard a word from him. No, no text after that response or after 1798 01:38:20.260 --> 01:38:28.380 my message back just saying looking forward to connecting again. Mm-hmm. Um so 1799 01:38:28.380 --> 01:38:37.460 processing through that um have um had some phone conversations with a few 1800 01:38:37.460 --> 01:38:45.020 other fellas um you know trying to keep things more surface level. Um what I'm 1801 01:38:45.020 --> 01:38:50.860 noticing is a lot of people go right into all their their stuff right off the 1802 01:38:50.860 --> 01:38:57.860 bat and just trying to to slow them down. Um supposed to meet with a fella on New 1803 01:38:57.860 --> 01:39:02.740 Year's Day. Um he was he's like two hours away. He was gonna we're gonna meet 1804 01:39:02.740 --> 01:39:08.500 like about three towns away from mine um for lunch. Of course it's Minnesota so 1805 01:39:08.500 --> 01:39:16.420 the weather's a little off. Um my questions with that one is you know I'm 1806 01:39:16.420 --> 01:39:23.460 52 so a lot of these men are like 59, 60 and like they're already on disability 1807 01:39:23.500 --> 01:39:30.980 things of that sort and it's like I'm working, I'm financially stable, seems 1808 01:39:30.980 --> 01:39:37.260 like a nice guy you know worth it to go on a date but I don't know like in the 1809 01:39:37.260 --> 01:39:40.940 long run if it would work out. 1810 01:39:42.060 --> 01:39:48.340 And then there's a fella that I've been messaging back and forth with um I 1811 01:39:48.580 --> 01:39:54.660 hadn't agreed to meet him tomorrow halfway you know I just suggested well 1812 01:39:54.660 --> 01:39:58.860 maybe we should go bowling. He's been asking a lot of questions, seems super 1813 01:39:58.860 --> 01:40:01.540 interested. 1814 01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.080 We've been learning a lot about each other and just like we're supposed to meet tomorrow 1815 01:40:06.080 --> 01:40:13.040 and like tonight on the app, it's like, well, women in menopause, how do you, you know, 1816 01:40:13.040 --> 01:40:16.960 like are you sexually active? 1817 01:40:16.960 --> 01:40:24.920 Like kind of went into that whole, like, you know, we're older, women in menopause, you 1818 01:40:24.920 --> 01:40:28.800 know, like don't necessarily always want to have sex. 1819 01:40:28.800 --> 01:40:29.800 Are you intimate? 1820 01:40:29.800 --> 01:40:30.800 Things of that sort. 1821 01:40:30.800 --> 01:40:35.440 And I, my response was like, this is too soon. 1822 01:40:35.440 --> 01:40:41.480 I feel this is too soon to be discussing issues like this with a person that I'm getting to 1823 01:40:41.480 --> 01:40:44.640 know and not in relationship with. 1824 01:40:44.640 --> 01:40:50.360 So then the response is, oh, I'm sorry, like, well, what would you like to know about me? 1825 01:40:50.360 --> 01:40:56.840 I guess where I don't think men understand is like, they're asking us such personal questions. 1826 01:40:56.840 --> 01:41:02.040 It's like, you're digging into like stuff that the person at the gas station shouldn't 1827 01:41:02.040 --> 01:41:08.360 know about and they won't like it if I ask them for the social security number or their 1828 01:41:08.360 --> 01:41:10.360 bank account, but they're asking me this information. 1829 01:41:10.360 --> 01:41:17.360 It's like, how do you respond to this stuff or do you just, just say we're not aligned? 1830 01:41:17.360 --> 01:41:21.480 Well, you responded very well. 1831 01:41:21.480 --> 01:41:26.040 If a man is asking you questions about sex, just go ahead and bless and block him. 1832 01:41:26.040 --> 01:41:29.960 You can respond for practice, practice response. 1833 01:41:29.960 --> 01:41:34.560 You did a good job with the response, but you know, just go on about your business. 1834 01:41:34.560 --> 01:41:39.280 If it's somebody that you're having a conversation with and y'all are meeting up or some of such 1835 01:41:39.280 --> 01:41:44.800 sorts, I want you to use that same language to them and say, hey, that's inappropriate. 1836 01:41:44.800 --> 01:41:49.880 I won't continue this conversation with that type of talk. 1837 01:41:49.880 --> 01:41:53.200 And to be honest with you, it's quite offensive. 1838 01:41:53.200 --> 01:41:58.920 And then you give them an opportunity to say whatever they're going to say. 1839 01:41:58.920 --> 01:42:00.360 And you can keep your cool. 1840 01:42:00.360 --> 01:42:04.960 You don't have to get upset when you let them know, hey, I don't like these types of conversations. 1841 01:42:04.960 --> 01:42:09.360 It's not appropriate and I won't have any parts of it. 1842 01:42:09.360 --> 01:42:13.640 And did you get rid of that guy I told you about? 1843 01:42:13.640 --> 01:42:15.480 The other one's still messaging. 1844 01:42:15.480 --> 01:42:17.960 He's trying to set up a date for Saturday and I've just been- 1845 01:42:17.960 --> 01:42:19.960 But what if he didn't respect your boundaries? 1846 01:42:19.960 --> 01:42:23.920 Oh, girl, I felt like a sausage on a plate. 1847 01:42:23.920 --> 01:42:24.920 I'm serious. 1848 01:42:24.920 --> 01:42:27.920 Did you get rid of him? 1849 01:42:27.920 --> 01:42:28.920 Yeah. 1850 01:42:28.920 --> 01:42:36.160 I think some of it's just the conversation, having someone to talk to. 1851 01:42:36.160 --> 01:42:37.160 Okay. 1852 01:42:37.160 --> 01:42:38.160 Yeah. 1853 01:42:38.160 --> 01:42:45.240 But I want you to know that I got a little mama bear over you when you told me that. 1854 01:42:45.240 --> 01:42:50.640 I don't know if you've noticed it in my message, but I was more direct than I would ever be. 1855 01:42:50.640 --> 01:42:56.680 And I felt it rise up in me and I was just like, okay, it's yours. 1856 01:42:56.680 --> 01:43:00.280 And so I got really mama bear at the moment. 1857 01:43:00.280 --> 01:43:07.200 But that's not someone good to keep around because he is repeating to you the lies that 1858 01:43:07.200 --> 01:43:10.200 you believe about yourself. 1859 01:43:10.200 --> 01:43:12.200 You don't keep that type of conversation around. 1860 01:43:12.200 --> 01:43:13.200 Right. 1861 01:43:13.200 --> 01:43:15.480 It's not the conversation you keep around. 1862 01:43:15.480 --> 01:43:21.440 That's the conversation you get rid of really quickly because he's come with a mission to 1863 01:43:21.440 --> 01:43:23.120 go against you. 1864 01:43:23.120 --> 01:43:25.560 He is not working for you. 1865 01:43:25.560 --> 01:43:29.040 That's what happens when a woman stays with a man who doesn't serve her. 1866 01:43:29.040 --> 01:43:32.000 She keeps him around because she doesn't want to be lonely. 1867 01:43:32.000 --> 01:43:33.000 Yeah. 1868 01:43:33.000 --> 01:43:38.720 And she saves all the things that he's done, but she's keeping him around to her advantage, 1869 01:43:38.720 --> 01:43:43.640 which makes her just as much as a user as he is. 1870 01:43:43.640 --> 01:43:44.640 Does that make sense? 1871 01:43:44.640 --> 01:43:45.640 Yeah. 1872 01:43:45.640 --> 01:43:47.280 And so this is not to call your user. 1873 01:43:47.280 --> 01:43:54.880 I am telling you, you are selling yourself short to feel a space to have someone to talk 1874 01:43:54.880 --> 01:44:01.080 to and that does not serve you best because this is your season of empowerment and rising 1875 01:44:01.080 --> 01:44:09.720 up so that you can set the standard for your spirit mate so that you can meet him with 1876 01:44:09.720 --> 01:44:17.760 your eyes of your heart that have been enlightened with the truth and now operate in the truth. 1877 01:44:17.760 --> 01:44:20.600 You are no longer of a scarcity mindset. 1878 01:44:20.600 --> 01:44:25.880 You may feel like it, but you have to let him go because he represents scarcity. 1879 01:44:25.880 --> 01:44:27.440 That's what he represents in your life. 1880 01:44:27.440 --> 01:44:32.160 He is the stronghold of scarcity and the enemy has sent him on a mission to keep you 1881 01:44:32.160 --> 01:44:33.160 bound. 1882 01:44:33.160 --> 01:44:34.160 Okay? 1883 01:44:34.160 --> 01:44:38.520 And so he is the enemy, he is the threat. 1884 01:44:38.520 --> 01:44:42.760 If you want to look at it like that, he's the enemy of your soul because your soul is 1885 01:44:42.760 --> 01:44:48.040 already speaking these lies to you that you're not worthy, that you're not good enough, that 1886 01:44:48.040 --> 01:44:51.720 you're just good for sex and no man wants a woman unless she has sex. 1887 01:44:51.720 --> 01:44:56.480 When you keep company like that, it's going to keep, it's empowering those lies and we 1888 01:44:56.480 --> 01:45:00.000 need those lies and strongholds to break and fall to the ground. 1889 01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:01.000 Yes. 1890 01:45:01.000 --> 01:45:06.680 And the more we say no, I'm telling you, I did the experiment. 1891 01:45:06.680 --> 01:45:12.560 The more you say no to what doesn't serve you best, the better the pickings become. 1892 01:45:12.560 --> 01:45:17.800 It's just something that happens because what happens, we attract parts of who we are. 1893 01:45:17.800 --> 01:45:21.560 Now, you could say, well, I'm not a person who believes this or that and I keep attracting 1894 01:45:21.560 --> 01:45:22.560 that man. 1895 01:45:22.560 --> 01:45:23.560 Well, you know what to do, right? 1896 01:45:23.560 --> 01:45:29.560 When God told Adam to name the animals, he didn't name the fish, his wife. 1897 01:45:30.560 --> 01:45:33.200 He didn't name the whale his wife. 1898 01:45:33.200 --> 01:45:34.200 He gave them the name. 1899 01:45:34.200 --> 01:45:37.960 He didn't tell the dog, you my wife. 1900 01:45:37.960 --> 01:45:39.960 You call a dog a dog and a cat a cat. 1901 01:45:39.960 --> 01:45:43.960 So you got to call these men what they are and send them back. 1902 01:45:43.960 --> 01:45:44.960 That rhymes. 1903 01:45:44.960 --> 01:45:45.960 It's true. 1904 01:45:45.960 --> 01:45:51.960 The more you send back, you've identified them well. 1905 01:45:51.960 --> 01:45:57.840 So when the right thing comes along, you can identify it well and not accuse it of being 1906 01:45:57.840 --> 01:45:59.840 the dog or the cat. 1907 01:45:59.840 --> 01:46:00.840 Right. 1908 01:46:00.840 --> 01:46:01.840 Right. 1909 01:46:01.840 --> 01:46:02.840 Mm-hmm. 1910 01:46:02.840 --> 01:46:03.840 Okay. 1911 01:46:03.840 --> 01:46:06.840 I guess that helps them. 1912 01:46:06.840 --> 01:46:09.240 Okay. 1913 01:46:09.240 --> 01:46:12.320 So the one that's more local, I'll get rid of him. 1914 01:46:12.320 --> 01:46:16.160 The one that I was messaging with that I'm supposed to meet tomorrow that asked about 1915 01:46:16.160 --> 01:46:22.560 that, I think, you know, he did say like, well, what else would you like to know about 1916 01:46:22.560 --> 01:46:23.560 me? 1917 01:46:23.560 --> 01:46:27.680 I think I'll just say, hey, look, based off that last question you asked, I'm not seeing 1918 01:46:28.520 --> 01:46:29.520 that we're aligned. 1919 01:46:29.520 --> 01:46:32.240 And, you know, is that best to just get rid of him too? 1920 01:46:32.240 --> 01:46:36.400 Because clearly, I mean, we haven't even met and the question's coming up. 1921 01:46:36.400 --> 01:46:40.760 So that's just a blessing block also. 1922 01:46:40.760 --> 01:46:41.760 I think so. 1923 01:46:41.760 --> 01:46:46.360 Unless there is a level of, like, if you said something and he straightened it out and you 1924 01:46:46.360 --> 01:46:51.000 just want a coffee date and you don't feel like he is a threat in that way. 1925 01:46:51.000 --> 01:46:55.720 I know I'm not being double-minded when I say this to you. 1926 01:46:55.720 --> 01:47:02.720 He, you could bless and block him, but you said that you, yeah, that was inappropriate. 1927 01:47:02.720 --> 01:47:03.720 Go ahead and bless and block him. 1928 01:47:03.720 --> 01:47:04.720 Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. 1929 01:47:04.720 --> 01:47:05.720 It's like, I haven't even met him yet. 1930 01:47:05.720 --> 01:47:10.680 I've tried to find a way, like, oh, is he that bad? 1931 01:47:10.680 --> 01:47:11.680 But yeah, that was inappropriate. 1932 01:47:11.680 --> 01:47:14.680 I mean, like, who hasn't had a phone conversation? 1933 01:47:14.680 --> 01:47:16.320 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1934 01:47:16.320 --> 01:47:21.600 We were setting up to have a date and it's like, all of a sudden this question just comes 1935 01:47:21.600 --> 01:47:22.600 out of the woodwork. 1936 01:47:22.600 --> 01:47:23.600 I'm like, excuse me? 1937 01:47:23.600 --> 01:47:24.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1938 01:47:25.600 --> 01:47:26.600 Yeah. 1939 01:47:26.600 --> 01:47:37.160 And I was polite about it, but yeah, so through this process, I wonder, because they, you 1940 01:47:37.160 --> 01:47:41.880 know, the comment comes out and it comes even out of Jackie's mouth is, you attract what 1941 01:47:41.880 --> 01:47:44.240 you are. 1942 01:47:44.240 --> 01:47:51.600 And I've struggled with that. 1943 01:47:51.600 --> 01:47:52.600 Mm-hmm. 1944 01:47:53.600 --> 01:47:58.600 But I think you answered that question for me. 1945 01:47:58.600 --> 01:47:59.600 Yep. 1946 01:47:59.600 --> 01:48:04.600 It's not that we necessarily attract what we are, it's we attract what we allow. 1947 01:48:04.600 --> 01:48:06.600 Mm, that's good. 1948 01:48:06.600 --> 01:48:09.600 We attract what we allow. 1949 01:48:09.600 --> 01:48:15.600 Because the way you worded it tonight is the more you just keep swiping, the better the 1950 01:48:15.600 --> 01:48:16.600 pickings will be. 1951 01:48:17.600 --> 01:48:23.600 Instead, I just keep, and I have, like, usually when guys, I mean, and I have let go of a 1952 01:48:23.600 --> 01:48:24.600 lot of them. 1953 01:48:24.600 --> 01:48:28.600 Like, I just, I don't even answer the question and I just, you know, on apps that they start 1954 01:48:28.600 --> 01:48:32.600 getting inappropriate, I just let it go. 1955 01:48:32.600 --> 01:48:34.600 I usually don't even respond to it. 1956 01:48:34.600 --> 01:48:35.600 I just stop talking to them. 1957 01:48:35.600 --> 01:48:38.600 It's kind of like, that's when I go ghost. 1958 01:48:38.600 --> 01:48:40.600 Right. 1959 01:48:40.600 --> 01:48:45.600 So when it gets hurtful, but I know it's not just happening to me, it's happening to a 1960 01:48:45.600 --> 01:48:49.600 lot of people. 1961 01:48:49.600 --> 01:48:54.600 And then how to go about, like, with these, so that's a new mentality for me. 1962 01:48:54.600 --> 01:48:55.600 It's like, I just can't allow it. 1963 01:48:55.600 --> 01:48:58.600 Just keep going on and not let it affect me. 1964 01:48:58.600 --> 01:49:03.600 But then, like, there's these fellas that the banter is just pretty superficial. 1965 01:49:03.600 --> 01:49:06.600 It's not really going anywhere. 1966 01:49:06.600 --> 01:49:07.600 Drop the hint. 1967 01:49:07.600 --> 01:49:09.600 Like, oh, I'd really like to get to know you. 1968 01:49:09.600 --> 01:49:11.600 And like, I would like to get to know you too. 1969 01:49:12.600 --> 01:49:18.600 But there's no, like, helix to exchange numbers, set up a date. 1970 01:49:18.600 --> 01:49:22.600 Do you just let those fall? 1971 01:49:22.600 --> 01:49:23.600 Yeah. 1972 01:49:23.600 --> 01:49:24.600 You have to let them fall. 1973 01:49:24.600 --> 01:49:25.600 I'm going to tell you something. 1974 01:49:25.600 --> 01:49:30.600 I want to speak to something that's happening that I hear within you. 1975 01:49:30.600 --> 01:49:32.600 Dating online can be challenging. 1976 01:49:32.600 --> 01:49:34.600 Let me just clear that up. 1977 01:49:34.600 --> 01:49:38.600 It can be challenging and you're in kind of thick of that challenge part. 1978 01:49:38.600 --> 01:49:40.600 And I don't want you to lose heart. 1979 01:49:40.600 --> 01:49:44.600 And it is hard to stomach when somebody says you attract who you are. 1980 01:49:44.600 --> 01:49:46.600 And that is the truth. 1981 01:49:46.600 --> 01:49:50.600 Or you attract some of the truths you believe about yourself. 1982 01:49:50.600 --> 01:49:56.600 But where the game changer comes in at is when those things come and you throw them back. 1983 01:49:56.600 --> 01:49:59.600 Because you are not that person anymore. 1984 01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:05.080 Because somebody comes, that's not on you because they came. 1985 01:50:05.080 --> 01:50:06.480 You send them back. 1986 01:50:06.480 --> 01:50:08.840 And the more you do that, it's like you're putting up 1987 01:50:08.840 --> 01:50:13.000 a sign saying, low self-worth don't live here anymore, baby. 1988 01:50:13.000 --> 01:50:16.000 I ain't taking no stray cats. 1989 01:50:16.000 --> 01:50:18.920 I don't take in stray cats and feed them no more around here. 1990 01:50:18.920 --> 01:50:20.960 There's literally a sign up. 1991 01:50:20.960 --> 01:50:24.720 I know for my own life, if you could 1992 01:50:24.720 --> 01:50:29.060 been a flower on the wall over my life in the type of men 1993 01:50:29.060 --> 01:50:32.620 I used to entertain, in the type of things I used to do, 1994 01:50:32.620 --> 01:50:35.540 you will be like, that's you. 1995 01:50:35.540 --> 01:50:38.060 But I had to keep releasing and sending back. 1996 01:50:38.060 --> 01:50:40.740 Send back, no, no, no. 1997 01:50:40.740 --> 01:50:43.700 And it just kept going up and higher and higher. 1998 01:50:43.700 --> 01:50:46.660 Because there comes a time when you have to prune things out 1999 01:50:46.660 --> 01:50:47.500 of your life. 2000 01:50:47.500 --> 01:50:52.020 And you have to say, I'm taking no stray cats over here. 2001 01:50:52.020 --> 01:50:55.500 And when you're able to do that, what you're doing now, 2002 01:50:55.500 --> 01:50:57.940 it breaks scarcity off of you. 2003 01:50:57.940 --> 01:51:01.660 Because you're saying, I don't care what I got to choose from. 2004 01:51:01.660 --> 01:51:03.140 It don't take but one. 2005 01:51:03.140 --> 01:51:05.460 And you ain't it. 2006 01:51:05.460 --> 01:51:08.740 And if all 10 of y'all came, if 10 came, 2007 01:51:08.740 --> 01:51:10.580 I know another one is coming. 2008 01:51:10.580 --> 01:51:12.780 The fact that one came is proof enough to me 2009 01:51:12.780 --> 01:51:14.900 that another one is coming. 2010 01:51:14.900 --> 01:51:16.580 It don't feel like it. 2011 01:51:16.580 --> 01:51:18.460 Oh, it don't feel like it. 2012 01:51:18.460 --> 01:51:19.700 But it's true. 2013 01:51:22.380 --> 01:51:23.180 It's true. 2014 01:51:23.180 --> 01:51:26.140 It's true. 2015 01:51:26.140 --> 01:51:29.260 And so, yes, you ain't taking stray cats 2016 01:51:29.260 --> 01:51:30.540 and feed them over there. 2017 01:51:30.540 --> 01:51:32.980 This is a new sheriff in town. 2018 01:51:37.860 --> 01:51:38.860 Thank you. 2019 01:51:38.860 --> 01:51:41.380 You're welcome. 2020 01:51:41.380 --> 01:51:43.700 OK, Trish is gone. 2021 01:51:43.700 --> 01:51:44.200 Megan. 2022 01:51:50.060 --> 01:51:51.820 Is Megan? 2023 01:51:51.820 --> 01:51:52.460 Hey, girl. 2024 01:51:52.460 --> 01:51:53.820 I'm sorry, girl. 2025 01:51:53.820 --> 01:51:55.900 I'm just trying to find my button. 2026 01:51:55.900 --> 01:51:56.620 Oh, hey. 2027 01:51:56.620 --> 01:51:59.220 You guys, we are well over time. 2028 01:51:59.220 --> 01:52:00.700 And we got like eight minutes left. 2029 01:52:00.700 --> 01:52:02.340 But y'all are free to go. 2030 01:52:02.340 --> 01:52:04.620 And I think I say this, everybody here already 2031 01:52:04.620 --> 01:52:05.140 knows that. 2032 01:52:05.140 --> 01:52:06.500 But I'm just telling you again, I 2033 01:52:06.500 --> 01:52:09.300 don't ever want you guys to feel like you have to hang out. 2034 01:52:09.300 --> 01:52:10.380 OK? 2035 01:52:10.380 --> 01:52:12.980 I'm just, I've worked this week. 2036 01:52:12.980 --> 01:52:14.540 I think I have more energy. 2037 01:52:14.540 --> 01:52:16.500 But go ahead, Megan. 2038 01:52:16.500 --> 01:52:17.020 Yeah, hi. 2039 01:52:17.020 --> 01:52:17.540 Sorry. 2040 01:52:17.540 --> 01:52:20.740 I think it's the first time I'm joining a live on your call. 2041 01:52:20.780 --> 01:52:23.260 Yeah, hey. 2042 01:52:23.260 --> 01:52:25.300 You've answered a few of my questions in the app. 2043 01:52:25.300 --> 01:52:28.780 So yeah, I just want to, first of all, say thank you so much. 2044 01:52:28.780 --> 01:52:31.380 It's really, really helped a lot. 2045 01:52:31.380 --> 01:52:31.900 Yeah. 2046 01:52:31.900 --> 01:52:35.780 And actually, just through the course of today's live session, 2047 01:52:35.780 --> 01:52:37.420 a lot of my questions have been answered. 2048 01:52:37.420 --> 01:52:41.780 So just with the pacing of being vulnerable 2049 01:52:41.780 --> 01:52:42.780 and things like that. 2050 01:52:42.780 --> 01:52:45.900 So I just wanted to say that. 2051 01:52:45.900 --> 01:52:48.420 I do have a question, though. 2052 01:52:48.420 --> 01:52:50.660 And this is to do with, so I'm towards the end, 2053 01:52:50.660 --> 01:52:55.740 I guess, of this module of the Seven Dates by God's Grace. 2054 01:52:55.740 --> 01:52:57.820 I didn't think I would, but I've got to it. 2055 01:52:57.820 --> 01:52:59.860 It's had a few challenges and things like that. 2056 01:52:59.860 --> 01:53:02.260 But it's gone really well, and I'm really enjoying it. 2057 01:53:02.260 --> 01:53:03.180 You did seven? 2058 01:53:03.180 --> 01:53:04.420 Yes, I got seven in. 2059 01:53:04.420 --> 01:53:06.780 Woo! 2060 01:53:06.780 --> 01:53:09.340 It had challenges, but yeah, I'm definitely 2061 01:53:09.340 --> 01:53:10.820 learning a lot about myself. 2062 01:53:10.820 --> 01:53:13.620 And I think one of the challenges 2063 01:53:13.620 --> 01:53:16.780 has been that even though it's meant to be dating to discover, 2064 01:53:16.780 --> 01:53:19.140 I find that I somehow put my heart in it. 2065 01:53:19.140 --> 01:53:20.860 And I think you have showed, just 2066 01:53:20.860 --> 01:53:23.180 talking about the vulnerability you were sharing earlier, 2067 01:53:23.180 --> 01:53:25.020 just having the different stages of vulnerability, 2068 01:53:25.020 --> 01:53:26.860 I think maybe that's probably one of where 2069 01:53:26.860 --> 01:53:30.060 my mistake has been coming from. 2070 01:53:30.060 --> 01:53:32.060 And also receiving the vulnerability, by the way, 2071 01:53:32.060 --> 01:53:35.860 because I find maybe guys tend to share a lot with me. 2072 01:53:35.860 --> 01:53:37.900 And then there's also a sense of connection, 2073 01:53:37.900 --> 01:53:40.100 which is probably a false connection as well. 2074 01:53:40.100 --> 01:53:41.580 And I have to keep reminding myself. 2075 01:53:41.580 --> 01:53:43.020 Sometimes I do say, you know what? 2076 01:53:43.020 --> 01:53:45.260 Actually, this is only just the second date with you. 2077 01:53:45.260 --> 01:53:48.940 So we can't talk about this or things like that. 2078 01:53:48.940 --> 01:53:50.940 So that's been good to learn that and learning more 2079 01:53:50.940 --> 01:53:51.860 about it. 2080 01:53:51.860 --> 01:53:53.380 But the question I have, now that I 2081 01:53:53.380 --> 01:53:55.580 feel like I'm getting towards the end of this phase, 2082 01:53:55.580 --> 01:53:59.340 is what is the transition from dating to discover 2083 01:53:59.340 --> 01:54:02.380 to dating back to finding a spouse? 2084 01:54:02.380 --> 01:54:03.820 If you know what I mean, right? 2085 01:54:03.820 --> 01:54:06.420 OK, yeah, now it's service level and things like that. 2086 01:54:06.420 --> 01:54:09.220 So how do you, yeah, how do you, what 2087 01:54:09.220 --> 01:54:11.100 does that transition look like? 2088 01:54:11.100 --> 01:54:13.660 The transition looks like, don't forget 2089 01:54:13.660 --> 01:54:15.780 to count up the things that you learn so that you 2090 01:54:15.780 --> 01:54:17.100 can take them with you. 2091 01:54:17.100 --> 01:54:20.420 But you're going to start fine tuning your search. 2092 01:54:20.420 --> 01:54:23.860 And you're going to now not entertain everything. 2093 01:54:23.860 --> 01:54:25.860 And not to say you were entertaining everything, 2094 01:54:25.860 --> 01:54:27.900 but you were a little bit more lenient. 2095 01:54:27.900 --> 01:54:30.500 I mean, as far as, I don't know how 2096 01:54:30.500 --> 01:54:33.580 you did it because this is my first time talking to you. 2097 01:54:33.580 --> 01:54:36.900 But ideally, this is the place I'm speaking from. 2098 01:54:36.900 --> 01:54:38.820 Ideally, you were dating somebody 2099 01:54:38.820 --> 01:54:41.340 who was respectful enough for you to have a lunch with 2100 01:54:41.340 --> 01:54:43.460 or have a coffee date with, right? 2101 01:54:43.460 --> 01:54:45.260 And so now you're fine tuning that 2102 01:54:45.300 --> 01:54:48.740 because you understand the dynamics of who you are. 2103 01:54:48.740 --> 01:54:52.860 And so now you are not probably accepting 2104 01:54:52.860 --> 01:54:55.260 such a wide range of people. 2105 01:54:55.260 --> 01:54:57.900 You're a little bit more intentional about who 2106 01:54:57.900 --> 01:54:59.980 you choose to give your time to because 2107 01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:03.160 You've done the dating thing, the repetitive dating, dating, dating, 2108 01:55:03.360 --> 01:55:07.440 dating, dating, and so you want to transition into more fine tuning 2109 01:55:07.640 --> 01:55:11.800 the people that you give an opportunity to take up your time. 2110 01:55:12.000 --> 01:55:15.360 And even if you select that person and you find out like, hey, 2111 01:55:15.560 --> 01:55:19.840 I don't think I'm a little bit interested in getting to know them as much. 2112 01:55:19.840 --> 01:55:22.840 You can say something because you've grown and you've learned some things. 2113 01:55:23.040 --> 01:55:28.600 You can be willing to release them a little bit more quickly because you should 2114 01:55:28.600 --> 01:55:31.120 have weaned out of you in this process. 2115 01:55:31.320 --> 01:55:35.840 Oh, if they're too short, you should have weaned out of you 2116 01:55:36.040 --> 01:55:37.400 entitlement. 2117 01:55:37.600 --> 01:55:41.720 You should have you should have weaned out of you by this time. 2118 01:55:41.920 --> 01:55:43.520 If you've been keeping with the teachings 2119 01:55:43.720 --> 01:55:48.440 and tracking the not showing grace, what he should be and what he shouldn't be 2120 01:55:48.440 --> 01:55:51.160 and how he better show up and how you need to show up and he don't chase me, 2121 01:55:51.160 --> 01:55:53.760 he don't do this and he don't pursue my all of those things. 2122 01:55:53.960 --> 01:55:55.960 Ideally, we would have weeded those things 2123 01:55:55.960 --> 01:55:59.400 out by now and you would have grown in capacity. 2124 01:55:59.600 --> 01:56:04.040 And so because you've grown in capacity, you show up differently. 2125 01:56:04.240 --> 01:56:05.880 Yeah, right. 2126 01:56:06.080 --> 01:56:07.440 And you learn. 2127 01:56:07.640 --> 01:56:12.400 That's why you that you learn, you learn and you learn that I'm a fruit 2128 01:56:12.600 --> 01:56:16.280 inspector, truly, and if I just take my time, I'll see. 2129 01:56:16.480 --> 01:56:20.840 Right. And so then that gives you the position 2130 01:56:21.040 --> 01:56:24.240 to be able to start fine tuning things. 2131 01:56:24.480 --> 01:56:27.000 Because you're not so much as focused on 2132 01:56:27.200 --> 01:56:30.480 dealing with all of this stuff, I just name happening in you. 2133 01:56:30.680 --> 01:56:32.560 And every time somebody say some of this 2134 01:56:32.560 --> 01:56:36.080 and you triggered and you fly off the handle because you've learned that this 2135 01:56:36.280 --> 01:56:39.240 is the issue in my heart, let me see to that. 2136 01:56:39.440 --> 01:56:42.080 And so to answer your question, I said a lot of random, but to answer 2137 01:56:42.280 --> 01:56:45.080 your question, you just start fine tuning your search. 2138 01:56:45.280 --> 01:56:52.360 You start if I can use these words, you start seeking out a higher quality. 2139 01:56:52.600 --> 01:56:59.040 Somebody that you more can see yourself with, like, you know, like, OK. 2140 01:56:59.240 --> 01:57:02.560 And when I say more can see yourself with you, not a ministry, but I'm coaching 2141 01:57:02.760 --> 01:57:07.080 to a whole group now or if they preach this and this, that you're not looking 2142 01:57:07.280 --> 01:57:11.120 for a reflection of yourself yet, you know, you're looking for marriage, 2143 01:57:11.320 --> 01:57:13.720 mind and mature and masculine. 2144 01:57:13.920 --> 01:57:15.000 Hmm. 2145 01:57:15.200 --> 01:57:18.240 A man that has a teachable heart, a man that's integrous. 2146 01:57:18.440 --> 01:57:20.000 That's how you measure somebody. 2147 01:57:20.200 --> 01:57:21.720 Are they teachable? 2148 01:57:22.720 --> 01:57:25.920 A teachable heart makes for a really good 2149 01:57:26.120 --> 01:57:30.840 marriage because they have a hunger in them for knowledge and to grow. 2150 01:57:31.040 --> 01:57:32.360 Are they submissive? 2151 01:57:32.560 --> 01:57:34.160 Do they have community? 2152 01:57:34.360 --> 01:57:38.000 Will they submit to order when things get haywire? 2153 01:57:38.000 --> 01:57:42.600 If you talk about a husband, will I be able to go to somebody who we've trusted 2154 01:57:42.800 --> 01:57:46.760 and say, hey, you need to talk to him, you actually listen to somebody? 2155 01:57:46.960 --> 01:57:49.840 Those are some of the measurement measuring things. 2156 01:57:49.840 --> 01:57:53.640 You use those type of measurements, right? 2157 01:57:53.840 --> 01:57:57.080 Those are more of a more qualitative 2158 01:57:57.280 --> 01:58:01.880 measurements to use for a person, not boxes. 2159 01:58:02.080 --> 01:58:06.120 Yeah, and is there I guess there's maybe no answer to this, but is there 2160 01:58:06.320 --> 01:58:10.040 like if you've been dating maybe a couple of people or someone, 2161 01:58:10.040 --> 01:58:11.560 is there like a time frame for that? 2162 01:58:11.760 --> 01:58:14.200 I know there are some suggestions in the notes 2163 01:58:14.400 --> 01:58:18.240 of, you know, maybe the first one to two months of discovery. 2164 01:58:18.240 --> 01:58:20.080 And then you have exclusivity and things like that. 2165 01:58:20.080 --> 01:58:22.280 But is there typically a time frame for that? 2166 01:58:22.280 --> 01:58:25.680 Like, because you know how you're saying, just with examples before you after five 2167 01:58:25.680 --> 01:58:27.360 weeks, you still don't know the person. 2168 01:58:27.560 --> 01:58:29.680 So when does it switch to now you know them? 2169 01:58:29.880 --> 01:58:33.760 You know, when is that switch, if at all? 2170 01:58:33.960 --> 01:58:36.400 I think that when you're continuing to know a person, 2171 01:58:36.600 --> 01:58:43.480 but Jackie says this is what she teaches out 90 days before exclusivity. 2172 01:58:43.680 --> 01:58:45.720 If you can do 90 days. 2173 01:58:45.960 --> 01:58:51.200 But if you cannot do 90 days, two months before you go exclusive with them 2174 01:58:51.400 --> 01:58:54.480 at their minimum, two months before you go exclusive. 2175 01:58:54.680 --> 01:58:56.320 Now, I'm going to tell you, 2176 01:58:56.520 --> 01:59:00.160 I know when you start liking somebody, they can seem like a long time. 2177 01:59:00.360 --> 01:59:03.120 But y'all, two months ain't but eight weeks. 2178 01:59:03.320 --> 01:59:04.840 The truth is, you know what? 2179 01:59:04.840 --> 01:59:05.240 You're right. 2180 01:59:05.240 --> 01:59:08.480 It's like only when you like somebody that you start adding up days. 2181 01:59:08.480 --> 01:59:10.640 Like, well, we start talking a half day on this day. 2182 01:59:10.840 --> 01:59:13.160 Well, really, I think it was like 18 hours 2183 01:59:13.160 --> 01:59:16.520 on this day because you want that time because you got sense enough to know 2184 01:59:16.720 --> 01:59:19.480 that you really don't know you haven't had enough time. 2185 01:59:19.680 --> 01:59:23.200 But I'm telling you something that I practice for my own life. 2186 01:59:23.400 --> 01:59:27.600 It wasn't it was this it wasn't easy, but I put myself under it. 2187 01:59:27.800 --> 01:59:31.520 I made myself wait 90 days for exclusivity. 2188 01:59:31.720 --> 01:59:37.760 And let me tell you, it makes all the difference in the world. 2189 01:59:37.960 --> 01:59:39.200 It just does. 2190 01:59:39.200 --> 01:59:44.520 It just gives you more time and it causes you to put yourself in a different order. 2191 01:59:44.720 --> 01:59:47.080 Now, there's acceleration that happens on things. 2192 01:59:47.280 --> 01:59:49.720 Some people are going to be married in six months. 2193 01:59:49.920 --> 01:59:52.680 It's just this is a thing. 2194 01:59:52.880 --> 01:59:55.120 But what do you do with the time that you 2195 01:59:55.320 --> 01:59:58.120 have before you get to the I do is what matters. 2196 01:59:58.320 --> 02:00:00.040 How did you spend your time? Did you spend? 2197 02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:01.640 in your time discovering each other, 2198 02:00:01.640 --> 02:00:03.080 understanding each other. 2199 02:00:03.080 --> 02:00:05.880 Did you spend yourself time sitting down in wise counsel 2200 02:00:05.880 --> 02:00:08.680 among wise mentors and working through things 2201 02:00:08.680 --> 02:00:10.480 because you have an understanding of things. 2202 02:00:10.480 --> 02:00:12.960 And so did you use that time wisely 2203 02:00:12.960 --> 02:00:15.880 or did you use it at the movies and La La Land, 2204 02:00:15.880 --> 02:00:17.680 kissing and cuddling, 2205 02:00:17.680 --> 02:00:19.280 like you can't keep your hands to yourself. 2206 02:00:19.280 --> 02:00:21.720 Well, you could have been using that time more wisely 2207 02:00:21.720 --> 02:00:24.800 to discover things that will help you. 2208 02:00:24.800 --> 02:00:27.280 Things that you can take care of on this side of I do 2209 02:00:27.280 --> 02:00:29.360 so you won't have to deal with it on the other side 2210 02:00:29.360 --> 02:00:31.000 because you're gonna have something to deal with 2211 02:00:31.000 --> 02:00:32.800 but some stuff ain't got to be dealt with. 2212 02:00:32.800 --> 02:00:35.000 It can be taken care of beforehand. 2213 02:00:35.000 --> 02:00:38.320 And so I said, before you go exclusive, 2214 02:00:38.320 --> 02:00:41.120 even the person, last person I went exclusive with, 2215 02:00:41.120 --> 02:00:44.360 he mentioned exclusivity to me in like three weeks. 2216 02:00:44.360 --> 02:00:47.200 And I was like, I know he ain't got no coach. 2217 02:00:47.200 --> 02:00:48.240 I didn't know that fella. 2218 02:00:48.240 --> 02:00:49.920 Me and don't, the most of these people you meet 2219 02:00:49.920 --> 02:00:51.480 don't have anybody coaching them. 2220 02:00:51.480 --> 02:00:54.640 I said, that is flattering that you will want to do that. 2221 02:00:54.640 --> 02:00:57.760 I said, but these are some of the rules I operate in. 2222 02:00:57.760 --> 02:00:58.600 Yeah. 2223 02:00:59.480 --> 02:01:01.720 If you want to be exclusive with me 2224 02:01:01.720 --> 02:01:05.920 and we make it this far, check back with me on this date. 2225 02:01:05.920 --> 02:01:09.960 Because I date for, I date with intention 2226 02:01:09.960 --> 02:01:11.520 and I'm marriage-minded. 2227 02:01:11.520 --> 02:01:13.080 And so if I go exclusive with you, 2228 02:01:13.080 --> 02:01:15.360 that means I've considered you to be, 2229 02:01:15.360 --> 02:01:17.720 you could possibly be a spouse to me. 2230 02:01:19.400 --> 02:01:21.680 And so if I come out the market for somebody, 2231 02:01:22.600 --> 02:01:24.840 oh, well, we doing some business then. 2232 02:01:24.840 --> 02:01:28.520 This business now, right? 2233 02:01:29.280 --> 02:01:30.520 Yeah. 2234 02:01:30.520 --> 02:01:31.360 Okay. 2235 02:01:31.360 --> 02:01:32.200 No, thank you so much, Yvonne. 2236 02:01:32.200 --> 02:01:33.040 So I did. 2237 02:01:33.040 --> 02:01:33.880 Thank you. 2238 02:01:33.880 --> 02:01:35.120 Oh, you're welcome. 2239 02:01:35.120 --> 02:01:36.160 You're welcome. 2240 02:01:37.520 --> 02:01:39.320 Hey, Patty, you put your hand down. 2241 02:01:39.320 --> 02:01:41.480 Did I, did you raise your hand, Patty? 2242 02:01:46.680 --> 02:01:49.080 No, I didn't have my hand up. 2243 02:01:49.080 --> 02:01:50.120 Oh, hey. 2244 02:01:51.960 --> 02:01:54.760 Sandy, Sandy like, I'm next. 2245 02:01:54.760 --> 02:01:55.600 Hey. 2246 02:01:55.600 --> 02:01:56.440 I'm next. 2247 02:01:57.280 --> 02:01:58.120 Okay. 2248 02:01:58.120 --> 02:02:01.080 So I just wanted to say like, Audrey, 2249 02:02:01.080 --> 02:02:03.600 you are so cute in your little hat. 2250 02:02:03.600 --> 02:02:04.440 Isn't she cute? 2251 02:02:04.440 --> 02:02:06.440 It's so adorable. 2252 02:02:06.440 --> 02:02:07.280 I know. 2253 02:02:07.280 --> 02:02:08.680 I wish I could pull that off. 2254 02:02:09.760 --> 02:02:12.960 Anyway, so Ebony, I wanted to share a win with you. 2255 02:02:14.240 --> 02:02:19.240 So I was, this guy and I had mutually matched on Facebook. 2256 02:02:19.320 --> 02:02:22.800 And so he was driving back from Georgia or whatever. 2257 02:02:22.800 --> 02:02:24.440 Anyway, he asked me, 2258 02:02:25.400 --> 02:02:27.120 he said something like the next morning, 2259 02:02:27.120 --> 02:02:29.320 he said, you mentioned your faith in your bio. 2260 02:02:29.320 --> 02:02:30.800 May I ask where you go to church? 2261 02:02:30.800 --> 02:02:32.760 May I ask what DOM nomination? 2262 02:02:32.760 --> 02:02:36.880 And I was like, oh my gosh, like, this is really cool. 2263 02:02:36.880 --> 02:02:38.960 And so I told him, I said, good morning. 2264 02:02:38.960 --> 02:02:41.240 My agenda typically start blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 2265 02:02:41.240 --> 02:02:42.920 I was raised non-denominational. 2266 02:02:42.920 --> 02:02:46.520 KJV would love to chat more about church in person, right? 2267 02:02:46.520 --> 02:02:48.480 Cause I'm not like, I'll give you a little bit, 2268 02:02:48.480 --> 02:02:50.840 but I'm not, I'm doing this thing in person. 2269 02:02:50.840 --> 02:02:53.840 And then he says, would you like to meet for a beer 2270 02:02:54.120 --> 02:02:55.200 or a coffee? 2271 02:02:56.240 --> 02:02:59.000 I was like, well, I don't drink, but a coffee sounds good. 2272 02:03:00.200 --> 02:03:05.200 And so then he says, I understand and respect your beliefs 2273 02:03:05.560 --> 02:03:07.840 in Christ and your choice not to drink. 2274 02:03:07.840 --> 02:03:09.960 I feel differently and think that we are not meant 2275 02:03:09.960 --> 02:03:10.800 to be a couple. 2276 02:03:10.800 --> 02:03:12.600 I wish the best for you in the future. 2277 02:03:12.600 --> 02:03:14.600 And I'm sure there's a partner for you 2278 02:03:14.600 --> 02:03:16.680 with the same beliefs, take care. 2279 02:03:16.680 --> 02:03:18.960 I was like, what? 2280 02:03:18.960 --> 02:03:21.440 Like, where did that come from? 2281 02:03:21.440 --> 02:03:26.440 And so part of my brain went to, 2282 02:03:27.760 --> 02:03:32.760 I wonder if my ex put someone up to like trying to 2283 02:03:32.800 --> 02:03:35.680 not spy on me, but trying to get information for, 2284 02:03:35.680 --> 02:03:38.240 you know, like that was one of the places my brain went. 2285 02:03:38.240 --> 02:03:41.680 But anyway, it was just like, deuces, bye. 2286 02:03:41.680 --> 02:03:44.120 You know, if you're at that level, 2287 02:03:44.120 --> 02:03:48.560 even if that's something that, you know, whatever. 2288 02:03:48.560 --> 02:03:50.520 I mean, it's like, if you're at that level, 2289 02:03:51.280 --> 02:03:54.200 I don't have time to kind of explain all this stuff to you. 2290 02:03:55.120 --> 02:03:57.800 Okay, so that was my win. 2291 02:03:57.800 --> 02:04:01.320 My question is this guy and I, 2292 02:04:01.320 --> 02:04:03.960 he lives about an hour away from me. 2293 02:04:03.960 --> 02:04:08.720 And so he'll, every now and then he'll come this way. 2294 02:04:08.720 --> 02:04:11.280 And he's like, well, when I come out to Bass Pro Shops 2295 02:04:11.280 --> 02:04:13.840 or whatever, you know, like, so he lets me know. 2296 02:04:13.840 --> 02:04:16.680 He's like, hey, I'm in the area, you know, can you meet up? 2297 02:04:16.720 --> 02:04:19.840 I'm like, oh, like I can meet you for, 2298 02:04:19.840 --> 02:04:21.000 from this time to this time. 2299 02:04:21.000 --> 02:04:22.440 It's gonna be short though. 2300 02:04:22.440 --> 02:04:25.040 So I finally met up with him after we had kind of 2301 02:04:25.040 --> 02:04:28.680 chatted a little bit here and there on the app. 2302 02:04:29.720 --> 02:04:34.600 And so met up with him, we talked for like an hour. 2303 02:04:34.600 --> 02:04:36.080 I told him my book ended it, 2304 02:04:36.080 --> 02:04:37.960 cause I said, I have to take care of my dog 2305 02:04:37.960 --> 02:04:40.520 and let my dog out during my lunch break 2306 02:04:40.520 --> 02:04:44.120 because like I work 10 hour days. 2307 02:04:44.120 --> 02:04:48.400 And so we met, so we went in there to Starbucks 2308 02:04:48.400 --> 02:04:51.000 and he couldn't even buy me a drink. 2309 02:04:51.000 --> 02:04:52.280 I'm like, I bought my own drink. 2310 02:04:52.280 --> 02:04:55.920 I was like, so I was kind of like mental note, right? 2311 02:04:55.920 --> 02:05:00.920 Like it was a, it was a, like a four or $5 drink. 2312 02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:02.640 drink. I'm like, like, I'm not buying dinner. Like we're not, 2313 02:05:02.680 --> 02:05:05.640 you know. Anyway, so that was kind of like my mental note that 2314 02:05:05.640 --> 02:05:09.840 I made. I was calling her. Um, we sat down, we chatted for a 2315 02:05:09.840 --> 02:05:13.680 while we got to talking about because it was Christmas and 2316 02:05:13.680 --> 02:05:21.720 stuff. Um, we had talked about our kids and stuff. He is. I'm 2317 02:05:21.720 --> 02:05:25.600 non denominational Christian. He's Methodist. I don't know 2318 02:05:25.600 --> 02:05:28.480 what did I don't know much about the differences between that. 2319 02:05:28.640 --> 02:05:32.440 But the way that he talked and what he stood for was really, 2320 02:05:32.440 --> 02:05:36.920 really on point. One of his, he's got two girls, they're 2321 02:05:36.920 --> 02:05:42.920 both. They're both adults. One of them is claiming she's a boy. 2322 02:05:43.200 --> 02:05:47.600 And she's, she's not willing to have a relationship with him 2323 02:05:47.600 --> 02:05:52.720 until he admits that she's a boy. He refuses to. So he's 2324 02:05:52.720 --> 02:05:56.880 taken a really hard stand on it's a very basic stand, but 2325 02:05:56.880 --> 02:06:03.480 it's a really hard stand on the truth versus his, his, his child 2326 02:06:03.480 --> 02:06:09.640 his daughter. Um, and so we kind of talked about that we see eye 2327 02:06:09.640 --> 02:06:14.400 to eye on some of the basic stuff, you know, where the word 2328 02:06:14.680 --> 02:06:20.080 and faith comes in, we seem to be like set eye to eye on, you 2329 02:06:20.080 --> 02:06:23.720 know, like, what he talked about was, I wouldn't say impressive, 2330 02:06:23.720 --> 02:06:27.640 but it aligned with what I would have wanted in someone, 2331 02:06:27.880 --> 02:06:33.560 right. Um, and so I told him, I said, Well, I had a really great 2332 02:06:33.560 --> 02:06:36.280 time would love to do this again. He said, Me too. I gave 2333 02:06:36.280 --> 02:06:40.840 you my phone number. We, we texted I think, like the next 2334 02:06:40.840 --> 02:06:43.440 day, because we met Christmas Eve, I think the next day was 2335 02:06:43.440 --> 02:06:46.680 Christmas and whatever. So he's like, Hey, I'm doing, you know, 2336 02:06:46.680 --> 02:06:50.320 I'm over my families. And I said, Yeah, I got a young lady 2337 02:06:50.320 --> 02:06:52.640 that from the church that came over and we're hanging out 2338 02:06:52.640 --> 02:06:58.320 together. And I didn't want to like, start like getting into 2339 02:06:58.320 --> 02:07:04.440 this text mode a lot. So after he told me that, hey, I'm 2340 02:07:04.440 --> 02:07:06.760 grilling and doing all this stuff with my family. I didn't 2341 02:07:06.760 --> 02:07:10.320 text him back for like, two days or something. And so I messaged 2342 02:07:10.320 --> 02:07:13.320 him back. And it was just like, like, there wasn't a bump in the 2343 02:07:13.320 --> 02:07:16.680 road. And it's just like, Hey, how's it going? He's like, Yeah, 2344 02:07:16.680 --> 02:07:19.920 I'm going out playing golf or blah, blah, blah, whatever. And 2345 02:07:19.920 --> 02:07:25.320 then I didn't text him back again until today. Was it today? 2346 02:07:25.400 --> 02:07:29.200 Yeah, today. And I just don't know. He hasn't asked me back 2347 02:07:29.200 --> 02:07:34.720 out again. But he seems like I don't know if I need to like, 2348 02:07:35.840 --> 02:07:40.920 prod him to do that. I mean, we do live a little ways away from 2349 02:07:40.920 --> 02:07:45.360 each other. I don't want to just keep texting him. So I don't 2350 02:07:45.400 --> 02:07:51.320 know what that next, like protocol is. And, you know, and 2351 02:07:51.560 --> 02:07:52.760 at this point, 2352 02:07:54.440 --> 02:07:59.720 um, I would, um, my encouragement would be to, you 2353 02:07:59.720 --> 02:08:06.360 know, say, Hey, I'd love to get to get to know you. You're 2354 02:08:06.360 --> 02:08:09.120 someone that I would like to get to know. I know that we've been 2355 02:08:09.120 --> 02:08:12.320 doing a lot of texting, but I want to have more experiences 2356 02:08:12.320 --> 02:08:17.480 with you. And so, um, yeah. So what does that look like for 2357 02:08:17.480 --> 02:08:20.880 you? Ask him like, you know, what does that look like for 2358 02:08:20.880 --> 02:08:24.640 you? So that's makes sense. You're because I'm trying to 2359 02:08:24.640 --> 02:08:28.560 avoid you saying let's go on another date. So that's why I'm 2360 02:08:28.560 --> 02:08:31.360 saying that. So you will say, Hey, I've been enjoying getting 2361 02:08:31.360 --> 02:08:34.520 to know you. I know we've been texting a bit much, but because 2362 02:08:34.520 --> 02:08:37.320 I do want to get to know you, I would prefer that we have more 2363 02:08:37.320 --> 02:08:41.400 experiences, live experiences together. Tell me your thoughts 2364 02:08:41.400 --> 02:08:44.640 about that. And what does that look like for you? And so that's 2365 02:08:44.640 --> 02:08:47.400 you expressing what you want, then putting the ball in his 2366 02:08:47.400 --> 02:08:51.440 court. He knows what your heart is, what your desire is, and you 2367 02:08:51.440 --> 02:08:55.440 put it in his court to make a plan to take you to dinner or to 2368 02:08:55.440 --> 02:08:59.160 lunch. And when he responds back, if he's like, yeah, that 2369 02:08:59.160 --> 02:09:02.920 sounds good to me. And then now he should say more than that. 2370 02:09:02.920 --> 02:09:06.200 But if he doesn't, let's say he, he ain't up on the fashion like 2371 02:09:06.200 --> 02:09:09.280 that. He don't know what to say. So, well, great. Let me know the 2372 02:09:09.280 --> 02:09:15.400 place and time. Then if he says something like, well, you choose, 2373 02:09:15.440 --> 02:09:23.360 no, no. Just respect, like I said, let me know the place and 2374 02:09:23.360 --> 02:09:27.880 time. And then any other foot pushback after that, just don't 2375 02:09:27.880 --> 02:09:28.520 respond. 2376 02:09:29.320 --> 02:09:34.120 Okay, is it too? Is it rude to wait a couple days to text back? 2377 02:09:34.800 --> 02:09:39.480 Like, I mean, like with, um, because like I said, after he 2378 02:09:39.480 --> 02:09:42.600 texted me Christmas, it was like a couple days later. And then 2379 02:09:42.600 --> 02:09:44.640 because like I said, I didn't want to get into this. Like, 2380 02:09:45.080 --> 02:09:47.680 we're constantly texting each other. And we really haven't 2381 02:09:47.680 --> 02:09:48.200 been. 2382 02:09:49.280 --> 02:09:51.560 Oh, so you've been intentionally not texting him because you 2383 02:09:51.560 --> 02:09:55.400 don't want to get into texting. Exactly. They could give out 2384 02:09:55.400 --> 02:09:58.440 look like you're not as interested to kind of 2385 02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:07.920 Does he retext back kind of quickly? He does, yeah. Yeah, no, it's okay. You were just doing 2386 02:10:07.920 --> 02:10:12.160 what you thought was needed to be done so you won't get into a texting relationship 2387 02:10:12.720 --> 02:10:19.200 and so you make it known to him what you desire. Okay, do I let him know that I'm like 2388 02:10:19.840 --> 02:10:27.280 kind of that I don't want to get into like a texting marathon with him? 2389 02:10:27.440 --> 02:10:31.920 Well, I thought that part of what you were going to say is that I know we've been doing 2390 02:10:31.920 --> 02:10:36.560 a little texting here and there. Oh, you can just add I'm more of a phone call person. 2391 02:10:39.520 --> 02:10:45.040 I'm more of a phone call person. I prefer to talk on the phone. But anyway, I wanted to let 2392 02:10:45.040 --> 02:10:50.640 you know that I do enjoy spending time with you and I'm interested in getting to know you more. 2393 02:10:50.640 --> 02:10:53.520 And so then you just put both of those things in the same message. 2394 02:10:54.400 --> 02:10:58.320 You know, then ask him what are his thoughts about that? 2395 02:11:06.800 --> 02:11:13.840 Okay, sounds good. Thank you. You're welcome. Hey, and did you try that? I forgot who suggested it 2396 02:11:13.840 --> 02:11:21.840 when we were talking about dressing up. Yeah. Did you do that with AI or talk to your daughter? 2397 02:11:21.920 --> 02:11:27.360 Or talk to your daughter? I did not do it with AI. What I did is I talked with I found this thing, 2398 02:11:27.360 --> 02:11:31.200 it was like daily look, but it's like stitch fix. It was really expensive. 2399 02:11:32.400 --> 02:11:37.680 But I talked with my daughter about it. I think and I'm going to try the AI thing. I don't know 2400 02:11:37.680 --> 02:11:43.040 if I can just like upload a bunch of my stuff in my closet and put stuff together for me. 2401 02:11:43.040 --> 02:11:49.280 But I've been working toward that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I did it. So what you do is you take a 2402 02:11:49.280 --> 02:11:56.640 picture of yourself and load it into AI or chat GPT, right? And you say, I am wanting to spruce 2403 02:11:56.640 --> 02:12:04.720 up my wardrobe. This is my age. I need, give me a color palette, right? And the type of clothing 2404 02:12:04.720 --> 02:12:12.320 that will look best for me. And you can also say, I want to jazz it up. I don't know how to do that. 2405 02:12:12.320 --> 02:12:20.000 Listen, I got back all of my colors, what looks best on me, the type of pants, type of skirt, 2406 02:12:20.000 --> 02:12:25.920 the type of shirt. It is amazing. Sandy, all of you ladies, if you're having love, you know, 2407 02:12:25.920 --> 02:12:32.240 want to know your color palette and you don't know, stick your picture in there. Like AI is good. I 2408 02:12:32.240 --> 02:12:36.240 got it all wrote down, but I've been buying the colors. I've been looking at it, holding up and 2409 02:12:36.240 --> 02:12:41.040 stuff like, Oh, that does look good on me. Or, you know, and things I hadn't even thought of. It'll 2410 02:12:41.040 --> 02:12:48.240 tell you like, Hey, you would do really well. If you put a cream top with a, for me with a green 2411 02:12:48.240 --> 02:12:54.800 skirt, like some kind of green, they said, I can't remember. And it's true. And so they were like, 2412 02:12:54.800 --> 02:13:00.080 you're, you look good on corals and rays. And that is so true. I buy a lot of core and lottery 2413 02:13:00.080 --> 02:13:06.080 because people have always complimented. So put your picture in there, preferably a full body one, 2414 02:13:06.720 --> 02:13:11.200 and then tell them you want to know your color palette. You want to spruce up your getting into 2415 02:13:11.200 --> 02:13:16.960 the dating scene. Um, you know, how should you do your hair? How would your hair look best? Like 2416 02:13:16.960 --> 02:13:24.400 all of these things. It's lovely. I did an AI picture with me and I was like, put me next to 2417 02:13:24.400 --> 02:13:31.600 a really, um, attractive man. That's about his mid forties. And I got the little scruffy beard 2418 02:13:31.600 --> 02:13:40.640 thing going on. And it did. That's cute. That's good. That's good. Where do I find this to put 2419 02:13:40.640 --> 02:13:53.680 my picture in and such? Just go to chat GPT, chat, GPT, chat, GPT. Um, Kim, tell me my dancing shoes 2420 02:13:53.680 --> 02:14:00.160 are sitting by the door. Oh, Ebony. Um, first of all, I'm not on camera because I, I got the flu 2421 02:14:00.160 --> 02:14:06.640 for Christmas. Yay me. Um, so I've been sick for about a week now, but, um, and it was an urgent 2422 02:14:06.640 --> 02:14:12.000 care on Friday. It was really bad, but that's okay. I, you know what? I'm praising the Lord 2423 02:14:12.000 --> 02:14:20.480 in my flu because you know what? It gave me, it gave me this time away from our, for me to process 2424 02:14:20.480 --> 02:14:26.800 and to deal with all my own stuff with it. And the Lord has used this time, you know, so I'm just 2425 02:14:26.800 --> 02:14:32.480 praising for the flu right now, even though, because I really, I needed that because I felt 2426 02:14:32.480 --> 02:14:40.240 like I was feeling pressured and, and all of that. So it's been good. Um, also today, your call was 2427 02:14:40.240 --> 02:14:49.680 on fire today at noon and I, I got a lot out of that. So I realized today that, you know, we kind 2428 02:14:49.680 --> 02:14:54.960 of went into exclusivity without having the talk. It, it was kind of a, well, it wasn't really assumed 2429 02:14:54.960 --> 02:14:59.920 I think by him, but we talked and at the time I wasn't seeing anybody else. And he said something. 2430 02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:01.960 and I go, I'm not really seeing anybody else right now, 2431 02:15:01.960 --> 02:15:04.440 but we never discussed it. 2432 02:15:04.440 --> 02:15:08.840 And because I had to talk about marriage-minded 2433 02:15:08.840 --> 02:15:11.960 on our second date, and he, remember, 2434 02:15:11.960 --> 02:15:12.800 I don't know if you remember that, 2435 02:15:12.800 --> 02:15:15.120 but he was like, at this age, 2436 02:15:15.120 --> 02:15:16.800 I didn't think that would be a thing 2437 02:15:16.800 --> 02:15:19.320 because he's a widow of 57 years and all that. 2438 02:15:19.320 --> 02:15:22.020 But we've never revisited that. 2439 02:15:22.020 --> 02:15:26.560 So I've been working on the way I'm gonna bring this up. 2440 02:15:26.560 --> 02:15:28.520 I mean, we're gonna talk about this 2441 02:15:29.520 --> 02:15:31.080 because I need to say, listen, 2442 02:15:32.520 --> 02:15:35.480 well, we're almost four months in now. 2443 02:15:35.480 --> 02:15:38.640 And I mean, he's an incredible guy, there's no doubt. 2444 02:15:38.640 --> 02:15:39.880 He might be one of those good fish 2445 02:15:39.880 --> 02:15:42.280 I might have to throw back, but I don't know yet. 2446 02:15:42.280 --> 02:15:43.120 I don't know yet. 2447 02:15:43.120 --> 02:15:45.400 I'm not gonna throw him back yet, 2448 02:15:45.400 --> 02:15:48.920 but I'm just saying he's just amazing. 2449 02:15:48.920 --> 02:15:51.480 He is absolutely, I mean, he's very good. 2450 02:15:51.480 --> 02:15:54.640 But he didn't get to go to church with me. 2451 02:15:54.640 --> 02:15:56.680 And that was the plan because I was sick 2452 02:15:56.720 --> 02:15:59.200 and he was sick too. 2453 02:15:59.200 --> 02:16:02.840 So he still hasn't been to my church and that got delayed, 2454 02:16:02.840 --> 02:16:04.240 but he asked to go, you know? 2455 02:16:04.240 --> 02:16:07.560 So he, you know, and he very much said, 2456 02:16:07.560 --> 02:16:09.080 well, he said the wrong word though. 2457 02:16:09.080 --> 02:16:11.680 This was, well, this is my thought about it 2458 02:16:11.680 --> 02:16:12.840 with the Catholic thing. 2459 02:16:12.840 --> 02:16:14.320 But he said, I know, he goes, 2460 02:16:14.320 --> 02:16:15.920 I really do wanna get more religion. 2461 02:16:15.920 --> 02:16:18.560 And I'm like, oh, Marv, it's not really religion 2462 02:16:18.560 --> 02:16:20.340 that we're talking about here. 2463 02:16:20.340 --> 02:16:22.800 We're talking about something a lot deeper than that. 2464 02:16:22.800 --> 02:16:25.160 But I didn't go there with him yet, 2465 02:16:26.040 --> 02:16:27.600 because he's just, he doesn't know. 2466 02:16:27.600 --> 02:16:30.120 He just doesn't know what he doesn't know. 2467 02:16:30.120 --> 02:16:32.040 But I do think, you know, he seems open. 2468 02:16:32.040 --> 02:16:35.480 He seems, as you always say, maybe he's possibly teachable. 2469 02:16:35.480 --> 02:16:39.719 But anyway, I'm ready to have the conversation 2470 02:16:39.719 --> 02:16:41.799 and say, listen, okay, I talked about this 2471 02:16:41.799 --> 02:16:42.639 at our second date. 2472 02:16:42.639 --> 02:16:44.360 We've never revisited it. 2473 02:16:44.360 --> 02:16:46.040 Have you thought any more about it? 2474 02:16:46.040 --> 02:16:48.440 But I did tell you I'm marriage-minded. 2475 02:16:48.440 --> 02:16:49.280 And where are you? 2476 02:16:49.280 --> 02:16:50.559 What do you think about that? 2477 02:16:50.559 --> 02:16:51.840 And where are you with all this? 2478 02:16:51.840 --> 02:16:56.360 Because it's like, I don't wanna keep going in this, 2479 02:16:56.360 --> 02:16:58.240 because I do, I mean, I do like him, 2480 02:16:58.240 --> 02:17:00.139 and I do have some feelings. 2481 02:17:01.840 --> 02:17:04.120 And I don't wanna keep going if he's not marriage-minded. 2482 02:17:04.120 --> 02:17:07.400 So I need to have that talk, right? 2483 02:17:07.400 --> 02:17:09.320 I need to have that talk. 2484 02:17:09.320 --> 02:17:11.680 And so I'm real clear. 2485 02:17:11.680 --> 02:17:13.059 I've got more clarity. 2486 02:17:13.059 --> 02:17:14.040 I wasn't feeling as clear. 2487 02:17:14.040 --> 02:17:16.000 I'm real clear about what I need to do, 2488 02:17:16.000 --> 02:17:17.000 how I'm gonna say it. 2489 02:17:17.000 --> 02:17:19.000 I've been working on my conversation, 2490 02:17:19.000 --> 02:17:22.160 practicing it, and all of that. 2491 02:17:22.160 --> 02:17:25.559 So yeah, so I'm feeling pretty good, 2492 02:17:25.559 --> 02:17:27.200 even though I've been sick. 2493 02:17:27.200 --> 02:17:28.360 And this was, I haven't been, 2494 02:17:28.360 --> 02:17:30.160 I don't think I've had the flu since I was 38. 2495 02:17:30.160 --> 02:17:33.879 So it's like, because I always got the flu shot, 2496 02:17:33.879 --> 02:17:34.920 and it always seemed to work. 2497 02:17:34.920 --> 02:17:37.559 But man, I'll tell you, apparently this one is a bad one, 2498 02:17:37.559 --> 02:17:39.920 and it's not matching with the flu shot, 2499 02:17:39.920 --> 02:17:40.799 I don't think, as well. 2500 02:17:40.799 --> 02:17:42.879 So everybody be careful and wash your hands. 2501 02:17:42.879 --> 02:17:43.719 I'm just saying. 2502 02:17:45.600 --> 02:17:48.080 But anyway, but no, I'm feeling pretty good. 2503 02:17:48.080 --> 02:17:50.120 I mean, he's definitely all in. 2504 02:17:50.120 --> 02:17:51.320 There's no doubt about that. 2505 02:17:51.320 --> 02:17:53.280 And we did spend time over Christmas. 2506 02:17:53.280 --> 02:17:54.559 He was around my family. 2507 02:17:54.559 --> 02:17:55.400 I was around his. 2508 02:17:55.400 --> 02:17:58.040 And he's got an incredible family. 2509 02:17:58.040 --> 02:17:59.879 He fits in pretty well with my family, too. 2510 02:17:59.879 --> 02:18:02.040 So that's all good. 2511 02:18:02.040 --> 02:18:04.160 And my daughter came to me and said, 2512 02:18:04.160 --> 02:18:06.040 oh, mom, I really like him. 2513 02:18:06.040 --> 02:18:07.799 He is, you know, he is so nice. 2514 02:18:07.799 --> 02:18:11.000 And she goes, way better than your last one. 2515 02:18:11.000 --> 02:18:14.320 I go, well, yeah, no, I would say that, too. 2516 02:18:14.320 --> 02:18:18.600 But anyway, so that's where I am with it. 2517 02:18:19.480 --> 02:18:20.320 But I'll tell you what, 2518 02:18:20.320 --> 02:18:22.240 I love that you're doing these little teachings 2519 02:18:22.240 --> 02:18:24.160 and kind of refreshing all the stuff with us. 2520 02:18:24.160 --> 02:18:25.080 I appreciate that. 2521 02:18:25.080 --> 02:18:27.959 And today really, really did help me a lot. 2522 02:18:27.959 --> 02:18:30.440 And hearing you talk to Lori and just tonight, 2523 02:18:30.440 --> 02:18:32.520 even with the ladies and, you know, 2524 02:18:32.520 --> 02:18:35.320 and about the physical with Ashley and all of the things, 2525 02:18:35.320 --> 02:18:37.320 it's like, because, you know, 2526 02:18:37.320 --> 02:18:40.080 we kind of got into a little bit of that stuff on, 2527 02:18:40.080 --> 02:18:42.240 you know, a little kissing on the couch, too. 2528 02:18:42.240 --> 02:18:44.639 And I'm glad this slowed things down. 2529 02:18:44.639 --> 02:18:49.639 I need to pace and I need to keep it slower, so. 2530 02:18:49.879 --> 02:18:52.600 Yeah, that's good, Kim. 2531 02:18:52.600 --> 02:18:55.200 And I want to do this just for one of the things 2532 02:18:55.200 --> 02:18:57.040 that you're struggling with, 2533 02:18:57.040 --> 02:19:00.280 this thing about him and church and things of such sorts. 2534 02:19:00.280 --> 02:19:01.559 If you haven't done this, 2535 02:19:01.559 --> 02:19:03.240 I want you to write down this question 2536 02:19:03.240 --> 02:19:05.120 and just ask to the Lord. 2537 02:19:06.080 --> 02:19:08.080 You can say it any way that best suits you, 2538 02:19:08.080 --> 02:19:11.280 but you can ask the Lord, you know, 2539 02:19:11.320 --> 02:19:13.600 you can say, you know, Father God or Jesus, 2540 02:19:13.600 --> 02:19:15.400 however you want to talk to him, 2541 02:19:15.400 --> 02:19:18.799 is whatever his name, what's his name, John? 2542 02:19:18.799 --> 02:19:20.799 Have you ever told me his name? 2543 02:19:20.799 --> 02:19:23.639 His name is, well, his name is Marvin, 2544 02:19:23.639 --> 02:19:24.680 but he hates that name. 2545 02:19:24.680 --> 02:19:26.480 So he goes by Marv, M-A-R-V-E. 2546 02:19:26.480 --> 02:19:31.480 Okay, is Marv your best for me? 2547 02:19:32.440 --> 02:19:34.959 And if he is, let me know. 2548 02:19:34.959 --> 02:19:37.320 And if it's not, let me know. 2549 02:19:37.320 --> 02:19:39.799 Because it's time to make a decision 2550 02:19:39.799 --> 02:19:43.600 and your vote is the one that matters the most. 2551 02:19:43.600 --> 02:19:44.480 Okay. 2552 02:19:44.480 --> 02:19:47.400 Okay, because if God says that Marv 2553 02:19:47.400 --> 02:19:49.880 is the one that's going to serve your life best, 2554 02:19:49.880 --> 02:19:52.480 it's going to help. 2555 02:19:52.480 --> 02:19:56.400 He already knows, God knows what you don't know. 2556 02:19:56.400 --> 02:20:00.080 And your reservation about him being careful. 2557 02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:04.880 or not understand relationship and difference in Christ and things of such sorts, 2558 02:20:04.880 --> 02:20:10.560 God counts that cost up. You're trying to count that cost up, but you don't have the ability to 2559 02:20:10.560 --> 02:20:17.280 do it properly. You're limited. Well, I want God to tell me what to do, but I have a hard time 2560 02:20:17.280 --> 02:20:22.160 hearing him sometimes. But you won't miss this because you're in the valley of decision. 2561 02:20:23.120 --> 02:20:28.240 You're telling the Lord and don't feel the pressure. Say this to him, pray this prayer to 2562 02:20:28.240 --> 02:20:34.720 him. Say, Lord, it's time for decisions to be made and your vote counts. This is what I'm 2563 02:20:34.720 --> 02:20:41.520 measuring, but you do such a better job than me. Is Marv the one that you've designed to 2564 02:20:41.520 --> 02:20:48.880 serve my life best? If he doesn't serve my life best, let's do away with this. And you'll see. 2565 02:20:49.600 --> 02:20:55.840 So no pressure, just what you're doing is transitioning. You're giving the authority 2566 02:20:55.840 --> 02:21:00.240 over to the Lord to do what he needs to do. And before now, you were a little bit nervous 2567 02:21:00.240 --> 02:21:04.960 about that because it was good. You were having so much fun. You remember you said, 2568 02:21:04.960 --> 02:21:10.720 I want to know, but it kind of like, I don't know. It was just fun and we were having such a good 2569 02:21:10.720 --> 02:21:16.400 time. And it's like when you've been in the drought or things haven't been good for a while, 2570 02:21:16.400 --> 02:21:20.720 you just kind of want to have some enjoyment, enjoy it. And that's kind of what I was going 2571 02:21:20.720 --> 02:21:26.160 through. I understand that. I could have been very well, would have done the same thing. 2572 02:21:26.160 --> 02:21:32.480 There's nothing wrong with it. That's a normal thing. It's okay. So let's do that as you move 2573 02:21:32.480 --> 02:21:38.240 forward. I think that you're going to find a lot of clarity when you switch over from the decision 2574 02:21:38.240 --> 02:21:46.080 maker to the one that receives God's input, because he does have input. That's great to hear. 2575 02:21:46.640 --> 02:21:50.880 I mean, he knows that man and he knows how well he's going to serve your life. 2576 02:21:51.920 --> 02:21:59.120 Yeah. Okay. That's great. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Ladies, don't forget to come 2577 02:21:59.120 --> 02:22:03.520 all dolled up with your cameras on and don't not show up cause you didn't do it. Just come on 2578 02:22:03.520 --> 02:22:10.480 anyway. Cause y'all know, I want to see you and I want to know what you got going on and I'm going 2579 02:22:10.480 --> 02:22:15.040 to, and yes, thank you Shekinah for putting that in there. Go to the play store to your app store 2580 02:22:15.040 --> 02:22:21.760 and download check GPT. I missed some instructions there. Don't forget to check out for the 2581 02:22:21.760 --> 02:22:25.360 activation that I'm going to post it. I really want you guys to spend some time with it. 2582 02:22:26.640 --> 02:22:32.320 And it was a good night and I enjoyed you all and we're going to get our time back on track. 2583 02:22:32.320 --> 02:22:42.080 Trust and believe me. Good night, ladies. Good night. Bye. Good night. Thank you. 2584 02:22:42.080 --> 02:22:45.120 Good night. You're welcome.