Okay, welcome to the VIP community. Phase three, relationship coaching. One of the things
that we want to be able to do for you guys this year is give you a lot more coaching,
a lot more individualized coaching. And we've got a number of ideas and ways that we're
going to do that this year. But it's a big thing that a lot of the women loved in phase
two is, wow, I was able to go get advice like every single week. And a lot of times some
of you feel like, well, I'm not dating anybody, so I don't have anything to go in the love
seat with Jackie with. So I'm going to help you get unstuck. And so if you are stuck,
if you have a tiny little thing, if you're like, hey, this is what I think I'm saying
on my profile, this is the outfits I'm wearing, or I'm getting stuck here. That's what this
time is for. Now, remember y'all, it's co-ed. So let's think about what we say. And if somebody
in the program is not responding to you, let's not use this time to diss on somebody
else that's in the program. So just be mindful of that. So if you have a paper and pen, I'm
going to give you my top 10, seven things to think about this year. It's things I'm
noticing when I go and read all of your comments in phase three. And men, you too. Amal and
I have hung out with the men, so I know this. So some of you are grabbing a pen, giving
you a moment to do that. Sandy Acock, you are having a good hair night, and you have
a beautiful glow on your face. I don't know if the light's just perfectly shining on you.
I just thought I would tell you that. See y'all, lighting is key. I'm just telling you.
Lighting is key. Okay. All right. So the first thing that I've seen this is, oh, Brandon,
I don't know much about the hair washing schedule. It's a thing. It's a thing. Because I have
naturally super curly hair, which looks really cute wet, but the drier it gets, it starts
to turn into a big frizz ball. So I have to do all the things. And I try to avoid doing
my hair from scratch as much as possible. And we women have learned the art of how much
dry shampoo we can actually put in our hair before it's time to wash again. Okay. Anyway,
so that hopefully gave you enough time to go get a paper and pen. The first thing you're
going to do is you are going to stop. So don't. Don't own negative labels. Don't own
negative labels. I see this all the time in the Facebook feed. I'm almost sad that we
did the attachment style stuff because you guys are like, I'm an anxious attachment.
I'm going to avoid it. I don't want you to do the I am. You are allowed to say something
like in the past I have been anxious or I have avoided, but you're going to remove the
I am or I was from these titles. You are an image bearer of Christ. You are a adopted
child of the most high. You have the inheritance of a kingdom. You are redeemed and restored.
That is who you are. Your ENFP, I mean, your person, your Myers-Briggs, your Enneagram,
your attachment style, you guys, those are an assessment of how you are in a moment in time,
maybe without therapy. And so just because you were or exhibited some of those behaviors doesn't
mean you need to claim it in today. So I'm just going to just stop it. Stop it. Like I just made
me cry because I'm just seeing you guys own it so much. You are healed and you are whole. And
so yes, like when we're stressed and tired, does an anxious probably lean back into anxious or an
avoidant lean back in it? Sure. But that doesn't mean it has to take claim over your future
anymore. So that's the first one. Second one, when you're like not sure if he or she is the one or
here's my sentence, if you are confused, he or she is not for you. If you are confused,
he or she is not for you. Put your main energy into the people in your life. You guys,
and this is true for your friends at work, your friends at church, your friends in general. I want
you to be purposeful with the people in your life this year. If they confuse you, if they drain you,
if you feel exhausted when you leave them, if you feel stressed when you leave them,
these people don't need to be in your life. So you want to make sure you have people in your
life that are clear. They have healthy boundaries. They ask for what they need.
There is a fair take and give and anybody else gets backburnered or booted out. So y'all,
I spent way too many, like, I think Melissa Dawn asked me this, like, what would you do differently?
I would have not wasted so many time analyzing text messages from men. I mean, stop it. Like
if you are confused, they are not for you. Number three, be out there. Now I know some
of you are like, I hate online dating. I know I do.
too. Y'all, I mean, I would have bet my last dollar that I was not going to meet my husband
online. And, you know, so God had the funny last laugh with me on that. So be out there
unless you are on an intentional pause from dating, like you've got to do heart healing,
you're having a health issue, you're going, you went through a breakup, that's different.
But if you are not on an intentional breakup, I want you out there. If it's not online,
I want you to be seen somewhere. It's a coffee shop, at a restaurant, volunteering, at church.
I want you not staring down at your phone. And I want you to get out there every day.
Think of find one person to compliment, one person to say hello to, like make that your goal
every day. Lord, show me two people that need a smile today, two people that I need to compliment.
Y'all, when I walk into Walgreens, I don't know, people are so depressed in Walgreens.
I always make sure I try to compliment people, like think about the DMV. You know how everyone's
always grumpy at the DMV? Find somebody at the DMV to go compliment. And so make sure that you
just are get out there. So that's number three, be out there. Number four, pick one or two things
that you're going after this year that you're going to accomplish. I mean, something that you
are excited about. Go take golf lessons, go learn how to speak Italian, go take a cooking class.
I don't care. Pick up a book, publish the book, start school, paint a painting, learn how to crochet.
I don't care what it is, y'all. Find one thing, one thing that, thank you so much, Cheryl.
I will make you my co-host. I will find you in just a second. Okay, so find something, you guys.
I don't want anybody leaving this year ho-hum, like I didn't find my person, my life's awful.
You guys, I was in this program for four years before Brian came on the scene, and I'm so glad
I found other things to give me joy in the waiting. Because my suspicion is he met a happier,
healthier, more outgoing person. And so because I had that good energy, I was putting it out into
the universe. Okay, number five, do not linger with texting. Some of you, like, you linger.
Don't linger. That's my answer. Don't linger. Whether it's at phase one, phase two, or level three,
like, don't linger. Like, it's been three months and we're still texting. Move it along, people.
Move it along. You're either going to start moving to videos or in-person dates, or you're going to
move it along. Now, here's the thing, you guys. Like, don't make this big fanfare. Like, oh my gosh,
you're not getting back to me. I'm not going to talk to you anymore. Just stop talking to them.
Just stop. You know how, like, people make the announcement, oh, I'm going off Facebook,
everybody. Well, why? Just go. Just go take a break from Facebook. We don't need to announce it.
So, if somebody's like, like, Renee, I dropped the hanky, I try to get it to a video, move it along.
I'm not saying you delete it. There was times I left people in the queue, because they might
change their mind at some point. But I personally moved on. I mentally moved on. Number six,
because I saw this this week, don't feel rushed to be exclusive. Just say you are enjoying getting
to know a perfect stranger. You guys, this is not like when we were in our 20s or 20 years ago,
when you would see people at work and at church and at the club or at the gym, and you would talk
to them three or four months before you go out on the first date. At this point, you're meeting
perfect strangers. So, it is okay to take time to get to know a perfect stranger. Now, we'll say,
ladies and gents, if you are staying at level two, then don't do level three behavior. And I'm not
just saying the kissing and the cuddling. Y'all know what that is. What is going to make your
heart pitter patter? It could be praying. For some of you, praying is too intimate for level two.
And so, think about, I always say, think about what puts the blinders on. What's going to put
the rose-colored glasses on? What action would make you really bummed if you don't ever talk
to that person again? So, if you share information or do an activity that's intimate, and all of a
sudden, you don't hear from them anymore, then you probably brought in level three stuff to a level
two relationship. Obviously, once you get to level three, if it ends, we're going to be hurt.
And my last one, it's really back to the very first one. See, I start and ended with the same
thing. Speak positively of yourself to yourself. Speak positively of yourself.
to yourself and I mean out loud.
Did you guys not know the enemy cannot read your mind?
He can't.
He can throw a little shade up at you
and have you seep on in, but he can't read your mind.
So if you're praying in the quiet
and you're saying good stuff in the quiet,
I want you to start declaring stuff out loud.
I don't care if you have to like put a post-it
and to tell yourself something good.
So don't own negative labels.
If you're confused or not for you, get out there,
pick something you're going after this year
that's not just dating.
Don't linger.
Don't feel rushed.
Speak positively about yourself.
Okay.
That's my, that is my five second.
That's my, oh, 10 minute.
That's my 10 minute training with y'all.
Okay, so while I'm waiting for people to raise their hand
and I will say this,
if what I said tonight just jogged a bunch of stuff
and you're like, yeah,
I don't even know what to do with what you just said,
then ask me about it.
These are, this is relationship.
All right, Cheryl, where did you go?
Eh, I lost you.
Oh, I did make you co-host.
Oh, I did.
Okay, perfect.
All right, you're already my co-host.
Okay, Rachel, you are first up, you brave soul.
I love it.
What you got?
Okay, I'm gonna do my best to articulate this succinctly,
but I've been seeing this guy in person dates
for a little over a month.
Okay.
He is a walking green flag.
He's wonderful, but
I feel a resistance in my spirit.
And what I've noticed is that he kind of stopped asking
intentional questions after the first one or two dates.
And now it's just like hangs and expected,
like we're gonna, like I'm,
like we expect that we're gonna do something.
And then we go to the same church.
So did he already move you to the girlfriend status?
Is that what happened?
This is what I'm trying to say.
I feel uncomfortable because I feel like we have gone
to a place of exclusivity in public
without him initiating that conversation.
Yeah.
And now we're going to the same church
and like hanging out with friends who know both of us
and they're calling us a couple
and it just makes me super uncomfortable
and I don't want to self abandon.
So I don't really know.
So why don't you just have a conversation with him?
I think it's okay to say, here's the thing you guys,
this is not a DTR.
We don't have to make it like a big thing.
Like, I think it's really okay for you to,
what's his name?
Do you mind?
We'll just say Joe, we'll just say Joe.
I don't want you to forget to say his name.
His name is Joe.
You know what?
I really enjoy hanging out with you.
I have to be honest and maybe it's just me,
but I kind of feel like we've kind of rolled
into this pattern without us, you know,
really kind of figuring out if this is where we want to be.
And I'm just, you know, I'm in a season in my life
where I'm trying to be much more intentional
about the friends that I make,
about the activities I do and the person that I'm dating.
So this may seem crazy, but I just want to check in with you
and like, kind of like, I feel like,
or just share how I'm feeling.
Like, I kind of feel like we've moved
to this very nonchalant place
and I don't want to not be intentional.
That's, I mean, I would use the word intentional.
I'm trying to be really intentional with my time
and I'm trying to be purposeful.
And I know that sometimes I don't want our dating
to just turn into hanging.
Like if we're dating, I want it to be intentional.
Are we, you know, getting to know each other?
And, or you could say, like,
did you guys always used to go to the same church?
Yes, I'm new to this city.
So I just started going,
but we've known each other
through mutual friends a little bit.
I think what makes me the most uncomfortable
is besides the lack of intentionality there,
cause he's really intentional with dates,
but just the curiosity and like getting to know my heart
instead of just being around me.
Why don't you just say that?
You know what, just say right, you know, just say, Joe,
something I really enjoyed about you
when we were first getting to know each other
is that we were intentionally trying to learn more
about each other.
And I've noticed that we've kind of slipped in
into just hanging out.
And I just, I feel like there's so much more
for us to learn about each other.
Do you mind if we put some intentionality,
intentional conversation back into our time together?
Okay.
And then I have one more question to tie that up.
Does that help?
It does.
I'm still feeling the reservation of like,
I don't know if we have the alignment to move forward,
but because we know all the same people.
I'm wondering if it does turn into a no.
How do I...
Exit.
How do I cut that off with grace?
Yeah.
And you guys, and that's why, and that's why you really want to be careful at this stage
that you're not like holding hands, that you're not making out.
You're not doing what I would call like girlfriend, boyfriend activity, right?
So, because if you are doing that, you are kind of dating.
So even if you are, say you're at level two, level three, and you're there, how do you
break up with somebody in community so that you do it kindly?
That's a good question to answer.
Joe, I've really enjoyed getting to know you.
Obviously, in this early stage, there's so much for us to unpack and learn about each
other and our beliefs, our goals, and our purpose, and learn our personalities.
And I've learned how amazing you are, but I actually feel like this relationship isn't
going to bring out the best in both of us, or this is not a relationship I want to pursue
romantically anymore, but I still want to remain friends.
I know that we're still in community, and so however we need to be in front of each
other in community that you feel safe, that's what I'll be willing to honor.
If it means that we sit on opposite ends, if it means we don't say hello for a while,
I want to do what feels comfortable for you.
I've enjoyed getting to know you, but I'm at the point now where I don't want to continue
pursuing this as a romantic relationship.
Okay.
Does that help?
Yeah, that's helpful.
Or some version of that, but just say, look, look, I know we share the same space, and
I want to respect you.
So however much we need to interact or not, I'll take your lead.
Okay.
That's really helpful.
Okay.
Does that help?
Let's hope it doesn't have to come to that, but-
Let's hope it doesn't.
Thank you.
And so here's the thing.
It's okay that you don't know one month in.
It's okay.
You're just getting to know somebody, so you don't know until you know.
Yeah.
Right now, it's a yes until it's a no, but I think it is okay for you to say, hey, I
really enjoy how intentional we were with the kinds of questions that we are finding
out.
I know it'd be so easy to just slip into hanging.
Do you mind if we bring some of that kind of conversation back?
Yeah.
That's good.
And then we are hand-holding.
He took my hand the first date.
But I think it ties into the discomfort with the no DTR, because now we're hanging out
in front of friends, and it doesn't feel so anonymous.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
That's-
Yeah.
I mean, that's your discomfort.
It's incongruent right now.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Okay.
And at some point, if you feel comfortable, you can say, hey, I feel like we're being
a little incongruent, like our actions are kind of getting ahead of where I think we
are.
That's really good.
And so, because we are in ... congruent is a really good word to use, you guys.
It doesn't sound offensive.
I feel like what we're saying and the pace that we're going at here isn't matching this.
And especially because we are in a shared community, I don't want to put us in a position
that either one of us would later feel uncomfortable about.
That's really good.
Thank you, Renee.
You bet, sweetie.
Pat McLeod.
Hey.
What?
Okay.
We're on.
Can you hear me all right?
I can.
Okay.
You know, you're my favorite coach.
Am I?
Well, I mean-
I'm always thinking-
I mean, check is in the mail, sister.
Okay.
So, and I'm always like, and by the way, I'm loving everybody else's input too, because
it's just great.
Amen.
You know, the back and forth.
And I will say that so many times I encourage myself by thinking about you and what you've
been through.
So, just a quick question.
When you were talking about, and I love all the different points that you gave, but point
number two, you said if you're confused, they're not for you.
But then there's also, you know, the idea of it's a yes until it's a no.
So-
I'm glad you're asking me to clarify that, because it's a yes until it's a no.
It's different.
Like, I'm really getting to know him and her.
I'm really enjoying my time.
I know that I want to see them again tomorrow.
I don't know if I want to be married to them.
That is really different than, he texted me, then he ghosted me, then he held my hand,
but then he was seeing other people.
Yes.
I'm talking about, you're getting conflicting information, or I really want to see you,
but I'm giving you every excuse why I can't meet you in person.
Right.
Right, right.
Does he really like me?
Oh my gosh, you guys, this is how crazy I was
before I joined the program.
I literally used to Google, does he like you more or less
if it's okay or just K at the end of a response?
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like, oh my gosh, he said this.
I wonder what, you know, this thing means.
Like, you know what I'm trying to say.
The behavior is erratic.
Yes.
They're not being clear.
That's different than it's a yes until it's a no.
So I'm glad you asked me to clarify that.
And actually, I'm glad that you gave that example
because I've been in touch with a guy.
We've been on the phone and texted
and we'll have these great conversations.
And all of a sudden he's gone for like three
or four or five days.
And this has happened like three times in a row
since we just started connecting.
And so it's like, it's so much of a roller coaster.
It's like you said, you know, you kind of have to move on
in your mind.
You have to kind of just put that in a,
like keep a distance, you know?
And so I don't, you know, I'm not gonna like,
what do you call it?
Reject the guy at this point, but I'm not gonna jump.
I just had to put a guard on my heart.
So, yeah.
To your point, Brandon said something nice
and really good to point.
He said, I would say, always give a little grace
for guys who often don't know the art of pursuing a woman
but are willing to learn.
It's when it becomes clear that he doesn't wanna learn,
then it's time to get out.
I think that's a really important thing to remember.
And you guys, there's a lot of attack on masculinity
right now out in the world, especially white masculinity.
And so a lot of men just freaked out
and they just don't even know what they're supposed
to do anymore.
And so we have to kind of give signals
that we like what we're seeing, what we need.
I probably, you know, I would love to tell you
that Brian does everything perfectly.
He does a lot of things amazingly, but he's also,
like, I'm a coach.
I can't help myself.
I just coach, but coaching is different.
Coaching is motivating somebody to do something.
It's not telling them what to do.
Right, right, right.
You kind of coach it along.
Yeah, right.
But I'm glad you brought that up, Brandon.
Does that help, girl?
You good?
Yep, very good.
Thank you.
All right, Sarah Beth.
Hello, Renee.
Sorry, the lighting.
My son is in practice and I'm in the car.
No worries.
So it's good to see you.
I have a situation that I want to bring to the table
and get your take on it.
First of all, my dating experience has been,
it's been a very frustrating and long and very weary one.
Okay, so I'm coming from that perspective.
Been about three years and like literally, you know, nothing.
I was married for a while and all of that.
So I connected with a guy on Saturday.
We had a video call on Sunday.
He contacted me through Facebook dating.
So we had a really good conversation.
He, you know, I found out like he's a preacher,
like motivational speaker.
He really knows the Lord.
Just really knowledgeable.
He's very interesting.
He's owned businesses, sold businesses.
You know, he was an Arian and he just is fun to talk to.
And he also was, you know, he was really handsome.
And, you know, at the end of our conversation,
he was like, well, do you mind if I say a quick prayer
and we can, you know, like, I was like, okay.
And I don't over spiritualize things like that.
I mean, to me, it was just a quick prayer.
I said a few words, fine, you know, whatever.
So anyway, later on that day,
we kind of talked a little bit more about our situation.
He does have a son.
I have three sons and he lives in Cincinnati.
I live in Virginia.
And so there's about a five hour or so difference
between the two of us, okay.
It seems like the people that I meet is just distance.
I mean, that's just how it goes for me
because of where I live,
there's just not, you know, a lot of people.
So anyway, we had talked again, like Sunday night,
he asked if I had a few moments to talk again
and I was like, sure.
And so we were just kind of like, I don't know, you know,
how, because he does have majority custody of his son
and he has like the rights to make decisions
over, you know, schooling and medical and, you know,
all of that.
But, you know, we were just like, how could, you know,
cause I'm in a co-parenting.
situation. And and so anyway, we were kind of talking through that. And so then Monday,
he was just I mean, he's been very kind and very respectful. But he's really interested in me.
And I'm really interested in him. And so he he is he was like, you are I want you to know,
regardless of what happens, like you are absolutely worth pursuing. And he and I mean,
really, like he's, he's like, he's pretty great. Right. And so he's wanting to come see me.
And tentatively, we talked about next week. And, and so, you know, I want to,
I definitely want to guard my heart. I feel like the Lord has taught me a lot over the last
three, three and a half years of, you know, struggling through all of the
all of the things. And, and I think that we see something really like unique, because I mean,
I'm looking for something really specific, right? I mean, I was a worship leader for 12 years and
somebody who has a strong leadership capability, who, who, you know, really loves the Lord,
follows the Lord. And, and, and so anyway, we don't, we don't really have a lot of answers as
far as how it can work moving forward. And, and so am I back up? How old are your kids?
So my I have three sons, and I have twins who are 15. And I have an 11 year old.
Okay. And do you have to stay where you are until they're 18?
Well, that is not in our paperwork, but it, it was, you know, when we were in court,
that was something that was brought up in court was that, like, you know, they asked their dad,
well, you're not planning on moving out of the area or anything like that. He's like, no. And
of course they asked me like, you're not planning on moving out of the area, you know? And, and so
like, I guess for me, you know, in good conscience, like I could not, you know,
fight to take my kids out of the area away from their father. I just wouldn't think that that,
you know, for me, is he, is he able to transplant? I think that that's the thing that I'm not
entirely sure of because I don't think it would be easy if that, you know, could be a possibility,
you know? So this is, this is a really good question because normally for a first date,
we wouldn't be having this much analysis, right? Like you've only had one video call,
but what you mean? Okay. Yeah. But you haven't seen each other in person yet. So like,
can he move and stuff? Normally you wouldn't be thinking that far out, but you have children. And
if, and Jackie always says, if you can't move and he can't move, don't even put yourself through the,
the pain of it. Yeah. But if there is a window that either one of you could move, because
Sarah Beth, if your person is five hours away, if it's not in your divorce, I mean, you do
co-parent and I know Jackie isn't like taking people away from their father, but you don't,
that's the part, like, if there's a potential that it could work, I would say the fact that
he wants to come see you and be intentional about it. I love that because why, because you do have
kids, why do this video thing for weeks on end, get your heart all in this digital love fest.
And then me and either it'd be amazing and you go, whatever. So I like that you're going to meet.
And I, if he's willing to come see you girl, I say, do it. If it's been a while for you and he's
willing. And you know what the thing is, you don't know. I mean, I remember, I mean, it's not the
same, but I remember when I first met Brian, he had three jobs. I was in school and he lived three
and a half hours away. And I kept saying, how on earth are we going to find time today? Like,
the math's not mathing. And he goes, I think you're worth pursuing and I'll be intentional.
And in my head, I would have never known it was going to include this, this, this, and this. Like
in my head, I wouldn't have been able to, but the Lord just orchestrated it. So you're going to
meet. And I do like the idea of you meeting sooner than later, because I could tell you guys get
really excited about each other if you keep talking on videos. So being in person is going
to really help set the tempo for y'all. And, but let me.
I encourage you that when he does come to visit you
and while you're talking to him between now and the visit,
still try to stay very present with him.
Do not dig up your past.
Do not talk about past marriages.
Don't talk about your trauma.
Don't trauma bond.
Don't tell him what your dream is three years from now,
how you wanna have a white picket fence,
what's it gonna look like.
Try both of you saying very present.
Yeah.
Ask, I mean, if you've seen me do single spotlight,
I ask very fun, silly questions
that let you learn really cool things about somebody
in a very, so tell me, you know what I mean?
So I would say, stay super present,
let him come see you and take it one day at a time.
If at any point in the story,
you feel like the risk and or the cost
of relocating for either one of you guys,
like I feel like you guys always need to kind of,
but I would love to see you guys
have your first in-person date without thinking about that.
Going, we're not even gonna talk about what does this mean?
Who's gonna move it?
No.
That is not first date conversation.
You know what?
We're just gonna go on a date
and see if we even like each other
to see if we wanna set up a date.
That's what I'm talking about.
We'll go on a date to see if we,
but how you can keep yourself paced correctly
is just stay present,
stay in the present with your conversations.
Yeah, that's really good.
I appreciate that.
He is a very like deep thinker.
And so his, I can tell he likes to, you know,
talk deeply, ask deep questions and that kind of thing.
And then last night, I mean, it was kind of a little joke.
I was like, all right, let's rein it back in, you know?
And we kind of got, I mean, that's like my personal,
let's rein it back in, let's, you know?
And so then he did get a laugh out of that
and he likes my personality.
And so anyway, I just-
Well, of course he does.
I mean, you're amazing.
Well, thank you.
And I mean, and here's the thing, you guys,
like I kept doing that with Brian too.
Like he would have been exclusive
after the first video date or whatever.
I mean, he was like, I'm like,
I'm not canceling anything yet.
I still got my profile, all the things.
And so he was just smart.
And I just kept saying, whoa, they're buttercup.
Like I did a lot of, whoa, they're buttercups.
And so as long as you keep helping set the pace,
keep staying in the present and keep us posted
and I will be looking forward to hearing your update.
Okay, perfect.
I appreciate you.
Thank you so much.
You bet, sweetie.
Susan, Susan Bennett.
Hello, Renee.
Hello, how are you, my friend?
I'm good.
I'm here in Arizona, so I'm sitting outside.
It's very nice.
So nice to see you.
And I wanted to say, congratulations.
I am so happy for you.
Y'all, Susan randomly was driving across the country
and showed up at my doorstep to make Christmas,
was it Christmas cookies?
I don't know, something.
I spent the night and the next day
you were making Christmas cookies.
And was it two nights I spent the night with you?
That's just how friendly I am.
If you're passing through town, come find me.
That's what I did when I had my house in Indianapolis.
It was a revolving front door.
People always spending the night.
I mean, I had men spending the night,
but I also had a four bedroom house.
So, you know, it was just fun.
Anyway, yeah, so that was really fun.
Gosh, that was a couple of years ago.
Wow.
I know.
Okay, so my question.
All right, so I'm glad for this.
I was very excited about this advanced coaching
because I've been at this with Jackie for five years
and I've had maybe five dates in five years.
And I've been on dating sites
and, you know, they all go nowhere.
You know, all sorts of various characters, you know,
guys with anger issues and guys with controlling issues.
And so I, you know, I'm not really excited
about starting back on apps for this new year.
I really want to be coached.
I was being very, I was feeling very discouraged.
I was kind of like, I'm just ready to be done
with this for a while.
Just step away from this and continue doing my thing.
You know, I put myself out there.
I do acting on stage.
So I'm definitely out there to an audience.
And always when I get cast in something, I always hope,
you know, maybe a man's going to be out there
that's going to be just lovely and amazing.
And,
He'll see me doing my thing.
Are you on some, like, we have a local theater group here,
and that community hangs out together and does stuff together.
Like, do you have a local theater community that you can get involved with?
Well, yeah, I am.
I mean, they, it's kind of fun now that they know me that I don't,
sometimes I don't even have to have music.
And have you been bold and said, hey, I'm single.
Do y'all know any single men for me that aren't gay?
Because it is community theater.
And I say that because I used to volunteer a lot with community.
Well, yes.
Okay.
To be, you know, a heterosexual man and not be debauched.
That's a hard.
What is debauched mean?
I'm sorry.
What does that mean?
Debauchery.
Oh, debauchery.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just not a godly man.
Quite the opposite.
So I, you know, I encounter a lot of those men.
Okay.
What about, so Susan, what about, so you guys, this is me brainstorming out loud.
So this is what happens when you do private coaching with me.
I brainstorm out loud as I start to think.
So we're kind of going down the theater path because I've been around Susan and
she's kind of eclectic.
She's kind of a free spirit.
And so we need to think of settings that you're going to meet those guys in.
Have you, is there an improv group in your area?
Like an improv or a theater class or a church that actually has a drama program?
Because there are plenty of churches that have drama programs.
Well, I'm in mostly in Durango, Colorado, which it's mostly, it's a small town.
You know, I'm involved in the standup comedy realm.
And again, it's just, it's just debauchery.
And I just like, Lord, I am so tired of being...
So maybe you need to...
The vulgarity of it all.
Okay.
So maybe you need to think about other things that you love doing besides that,
that might be a bit, a different swimming pool for you to go swimming.
Okay.
So I went to the Telluride Wine Festival.
Had a great time, went.
And, you know, it was a lot of married couples and then single women.
And I just don't know where high value single men are.
I mean, the problem is, you guys, there's not a short answer.
Because I think all the cool men on this call are saying the same thing about women, right?
I think that, and there's no magic answer.
I think that you have...
That's why you have to keep meeting new people and you're doing...
And I get it, Susan, you've been in the program.
I think you started right before I did.
And I don't think there's anything I did more magical than you are doing.
I just think I finally, I kept trying all the different things.
And I finally was on a site at the same time.
Like Brian was actually about to get off.
I was his last match, he said.
In fact, Brian said, if it doesn't work this time,
I'm buying an RV, me and the dog are going on the road,
and I'm going to be an adjunct professor.
Like, seriously, like I was, you know, he was just like, I'm just done with this.
So I guess my answer to you and to really to everybody is,
you have to think about all of the things that you're passionate about
and make sure that you're continuing to put yourself in those places.
And it's exhausting, you guys.
Like my sister used to tease me and be like,
why are you always trying to look so good?
I'm like, I'm still single.
Like he could be anywhere.
He could be at the airport.
He could be at the Walgreens.
He could be at Walmart.
I don't know where I'm going to meet him.
So I've always got to look nice and ready.
And so you just have to have a ready posture
and be brave and ask the people that you admire.
All of the married couples that you admire.
Hey, do you know single people?
You know, Renee, I'm not sure.
You know what?
You don't need to vet them.
You can let me vet them for you.
Now that never worked for me.
And I tried, but I'm just saying.
I've done that.
So, but continue to do that.
Continue to find new things that interest you.
So when you try to go online, Susan, what happens online?
Are you just not getting nibbles?
Um, well.
Because you're amazing.
So if you're not getting nibbles online,
your homework assignment is to put your photos
and your profile on the phase three page
and let the coaches help you.
Because I can't imagine that you're not
getting some men to choose from.
Well, you know, OK, so not to be.
But I work out and I take care of myself.
Susan, are you able to relocate?
Somebody asked that.
Well, I'm a vagabond right now.
Yeah, she is.
So Carol, if you got somebody for her, hook her up.
It depends.
It depends because there was a man that really liked me
and he lived in Northern Michigan.
I mean, Northern.
And he wanted me to come out and see his house.
And I don't want to live in Northern Michigan.
That is the furthest away from any of my children.
So, no.
And so I'm going to say this,
and I'm going to say this to Olga
and anybody who's feeling discouraged.
The words, ready to take a break from the whole thing.
Here's what I'm going to suggest.
I'm going to suggest that some days you wanting to date
your energy that you put into dating
is less of a percentage than other days.
There were days that it was 3% of my brain space.
Then there were days it was 15%.
Then there were days it was 60%.
Then there were days there were 80%.
It ebbed and flowed.
And so I don't want you to think
that it's all in or all out.
That's why I said to you back to number four
on our list of things that we're going to do.
We are going to keep finding the things that we love to do.
And I remember saying,
I would rather be married to the right person for two years
than the wrong one for 20.
And I really did mean that.
And so Susan, I don't have a perfect answer for you,
but I would just say, keep doing what you're doing.
And so I would say,
if you're not getting the matches you want online,
put your stuff in phase three,
let the ladies, let the coaches give you some good feedback.
And we can help you with the kind of responses
you're getting, what you're saying.
So we can kind of move that along.
And since you can date long distance,
cause you're technically willing to move,
but that doesn't mean if you don't want to go to Michigan,
then don't swipe on the guy that's from Michigan.
Remind everybody how old you are, Susan.
I am 66.
Okay, ladies.
So she's 66.
Men, she's 66.
Putting that out there.
And I've been single for 20 some years.
I get it.
All I can say is I understand.
Y'all know I understand.
I was 57.
So y'all know.
I understand.
And all I'm going to say is keep on keeping on
and keep enjoying the joy that you do have in your life.
You are beautiful.
You are amazing.
You're talented.
You get to live in an extraordinary life, Susan.
And it's going to take,
y'all this is what my therapist said to me a few years ago.
I was like, Barney, his name is Barney.
I'm like, am I ever going to meet my person?
And you know what he said?
I don't know.
He's like, you're really amazing.
And you're really smart.
It's going to take a really amazing guy to be your match.
And I was like, well, that's a pretty honest answer.
I mean, and it's funny
because Brian and I went to a new church
and I'm just trying to encourage you guys
like in the waiting,
because like when I was at church this week,
this man I hadn't seen in five years,
he was his married
and he was an elder at the church I used to be at.
We both happened to be sitting next to each other,
Christmas Eve.
I was having a pity party for yet again,
another Christmas by myself or somebody dumped me.
I'm not even sure what it really was.
And he was going through something really traumatic
with his son.
His son had a heart condition,
almost suicidal, pretty depressed.
And I basically just said,
we are not going to try to make each other feel good
during this service.
We're just going to own the fact that this Christmas sucks.
Let's do that, huh?
And he was like, yeah, let's do it.
We haven't seen each other in five years.
I'm looking at the worship leader on stage.
She goes, yeah, Renee, that's my son.
His heart is 100% healed.
He's now married with a kid.
And I said, oh, by the way, here's my husband.
And he like literally grabbed Brian.
And he was like, oh my God,
do you know how long we've been praying for you?
And so I would rather wait another five years
for that moment than settle for any of the almosts.
Or if it's not going to be that amazing,
I was lonely, but you guys,
I was living my life with purpose.
I was involved with you guys.
I was in seminary.
I was writing a book.
I was doing all.
the things and so Susan just keep doing all the things.
That's my encouragement and that's my encouragement
to all of you guys, just keep doing all of the things.
Just keep doing it.
Okay, I have to move on.
Jen, Jen Cavan, you're up.
Thank you, Renee.
So my question is just kind of
at the very beginning of things.
Yep.
Sorry, I'm trying to eat well.
Just got home from work.
So I have a guy that I met in December
like briefly at a speed dating mixer.
We kind of bonded over the fact
that he lives in my hometown,
but due to certain family things,
I don't go back to my hometown right now.
It's only like 30 minutes away,
but there's just some family stuff going on.
So I went to another speeding date
with someone from this program.
We kind of were like,
this is our adventure, first things.
And so we went and he was there.
Now I will say the first time that we were there,
I was anxious and he asked for my number
and I was just like, oh, wait, what?
And he's like, oh, are you just here to meet people?
And I was like, yeah.
And so I didn't give him my number.
So the second time we meet, he doesn't remember me.
He remembers the friend,
but then as we're in the speed dating,
he goes, hey, can I get your number?
But three times during that meeting,
he's like, I mean,
I know you don't wanna go back to Hiawatha.
Like he just kept mentioning it several times,
which kind of bothered me.
But anyway, I gave him my number.
Is that where you're both from?
So I was born and raised there.
He's lived there the last 10 years.
Gotcha.
Is it true that you won't go back there?
I don't know that I'll never go back there.
It's just that there's family stuff right now.
And that's the only reason I would go back there.
Does he know that?
He doesn't know it's family
cause he's a stranger and I'm not gonna share.
Have you alluded to the fact
that you don't wanna go back there?
Yes, which is why he's brought it up like three times.
Okay, but why is it annoying you?
Well, it's just cause he keeps bringing it up
of like, oh, but we know you don't wanna go back there.
And I know you said you won't go back there.
Here's what he's probably doing.
He's probably seeing if you're gonna change that answer.
And that's possible.
But my question for you is, so I did agree.
I gave him my number and this is part of it too.
So he messaged me and he said, hey, he loves dancing.
It's not that I don't love dancing.
It's just that dancing makes me really anxious
and I don't wanna do that as a first connection, right?
Like other than 10 minutes that we've talked together.
And so he mentioned that and I was like, hey,
you know, I think I remember you saying you love to do that.
That isn't something I'd like to do right now.
How about we do ax throwing or bowling?
I'd love to do that.
And that's 30 minutes from me in St. Joe,
which is a town that is kind of in between us.
And I said, I'd be happy to do that in St. Joe.
I love it.
He then sends another message saying,
I saw this coffee shop in Atchison, which is where I live.
I'd like to meet with you there.
The coffee shop is at the college that I work with
and I work at and I'm a therapist
and they're going to be college kids there.
I would prefer to meet in St. Joe.
So I get, it's more neutral ground.
I'm a therapist.
I don't really want to have to deal with the anxiety
of running into clients the first time
I'm on a date with a stranger.
Okay.
Well then just tell him, you know what,
I really appreciate your coming all my way,
but especially because of my line of work,
I would rather just initiate that first date
at a location in this location.
And I will say this.
Yes.
He does not let you, like when that,
do not go out with him.
Okay.
Because part of it was like,
why do you keep saying,
doesn't have to be in Atchison.
Yeah.
You're asking for something
and he's not willing to give you what you need.
And that is kind of bugging me.
He's not even doing like the, hey, how are you?
Did you have a good day?
Like, it's just,
I want to meet with you in this place in Atchison.
Yeah.
I'm like, that's great.
I'd like to meet with you here in St. Joe.
Yeah.
And I would say if he,
if you, you know,
here's the three places I can meet in St. Joe.
I would narrow it down.
Here are the three places I can meet.
If he is not willing to meet in those three places,
done.
That really helps me, Renee, because I was feeling like I don't want to be like kind
of controlling, but also my job as a therapist, I have to protect that.
And I prefer to not run into clients when I'm meeting.
And that is okay to say that.
It's okay to say, you know what?
Because of my line of work, it would be more appropriate.
I would feel more comfortable meeting here because my line of work, I would feel more
comfortable.
You don't even have to say you're a therapist.
I mean, he may or may not already know that yet because of my line of work.
And you guys, I remember when I was running a nonprofit, I kind of felt the same way.
I did not want to go out on dates where I was going to run into like donors and stuff
like that would just have been weird for me.
So you're not, especially not when they're a stranger.
Have we been on like three or four dates and I gotten to know him?
That's different.
But I don't want to be like anxious and then and be like, what's wrong?
Well, I can't tell you because I, you know, I may or may not.
So thank you for that, Renee.
I appreciate that.
You bet, sweetie.
Okay, you guys, I'm seeing some really good suggestions.
Susan, I hope you're looking at the chat because Rachel, people are giving you some really
good suggestions.
And in general, I love it.
Thank God I've got Cheryl and Kelly.
I've got some great coaches I'm hoping that are managing the chat because it's going faster
than I can keep up with.
So I'm hopefully the coaches are helping coach in the chat, keeping it positive.
But there's some really good ideas in there.
So that's what I love that this is spurring ideas for folks.
Crystal, what is your question?
Sorry, I was not camera ready.
I thought it was love seats tonight.
So typically, I make a very big effort to always be on camera.
So sorry about that.
No, it's okay.
No worries.
So my question is, I just put myself out onto the dating and I just started with Facebook.
And I did like my profile with my pictures, but I actually just wrote on them because
I know that the men just look through them.
So I like typed on them.
Yep.
I saw that.
Yep.
Okay.
So in you just with, I think it was two before me, you were going, you know, you wouldn't
get to this until further on down the line.
So in about five of my conversations on the phone, you know, they're like, Oh, that's
so cool.
You foster.
Is that something that you plan to keep doing?
Because I am 49.
But I would still like to have kids, whatever that looks like for me, with God.
So it's quick.
I mean, it's too bad because Susan did say she's willing to relocate, but I feel like
I'm going to attract like for anybody in the community that's like 50 to 60s.
Because I met some really nice people and I've sent them toward the program or they're
I don't know where I've said I've had sisters, but it comes up quite quickly like, Oh, is
that something you want to do?
Like, there was a really nice gentleman that I had a conversation with.
And he was like, that's just not my season of life.
He was like, you know, I have five kids, 12 grandkids, I'm widowed, you know, so it's quick
like it's coming up, like, which is fine, because
yeah, I think it's OK, because if that's a deal breaker for you and it's not for it's
not, you know, not every 50 year old woman wants to have children.
So and I think that that's OK.
I think it's OK that that's coming up pretty quickly.
So what can I do to get by that?
Like, because like we have got like about 10 people that are probably the most
interesting that are like, that's just not my season in life.
So and I don't want to date somebody that that could be my son, particularly, you know,
like all these younger men are like, you know, liking me or whatever.
So I don't know quite what the question is.
You can probably there might be a man in his 40s who is willing to be a parent still
who has not had a chance to be a parent yet or already has a couple of littles.
And would it mind another little?
So I would say you're looking for a man probably in his 40s.
We're not saying your son's age, but we're saying somebody who might be 43.
I mean, because, you know, Crystal, you look really good for your age.
I've seen you on a good day.
And so you might attract somebody in his low 40s.
And he might not mind the six year age difference.
Probably wouldn't even think twice about it and is open to that, you know, just like
certain people need.
And yeah, I just I think that you just need to keep yourself out there and looking.
But I think it's OK that people are weeding themselves out.
And you guys, I just had one of our dearest friends.
You know, she has four kids, you know, all under the age of 14.
And she spent a very long time with somebody who thought he was ready to be in that
season of life. And he is not.
And it's just devastating when you date too long and you can't the children are there.
You can't make them go away.
And so and you don't want to marry somebody who is like, well, let me pray about
whether or not God's going to put that on my heart.
If you want a parent or you have kids, you want somebody who already wants to parent,
who's already open to that.
You don't want to have to try to convince them fall in love with you to suddenly get
a desire to be a parent.
You really want to make sure that you are starting out in that correct season of life.
And that was my past pattern was that I would find all these people that would be like,
oh, you know, I might consider it or just like you said, you know, let me pray about
it.
But it's like, I think, you know, like for most people, like, you know, or, you know,
like, especially at my age, whether, you know, you want to.
So and I know that, like you just mentioned beforehand, you know, you wouldn't be getting
into these like things in the you know, before you even met up on a date.
But it's like, you know, they're quick.
It's quickly, you know, because I did put a picture up with me and the foster baby.
So yeah, I mean, it's because there's a thing, Crystal, it's not typical for 50 year old
women to be wanting an infant.
I mean, some do some still want them, but it's you know, I mean, so it's not rare.
It's just not typical, but it's not rare, which means the guys out there for you is
going to want to do all of that stuff.
Do you think that I should, I know that they say usually pay for you, you guys say pay
for one and do something for free or something.
So do you think that I should probably pay for a service or like pay for one of the apps,
like one of the dating app services, because I'm just on Facebook right now.
So I mean, I did, I did, I, you know, I did, I did hinge and Facebook and I was able to
do both of those, not paying.
So I, you know, you might, if you're good, I mean, I don't know.
I'm not, I don't have the rule of thumb on that.
Like I say, do what you can afford.
That's what I say, do what you can afford and, and, and try other things and can just,
I would say you guys, but I would try as many things in real life too, and not just rely
on online dating, definitely try getting involved in communities.
Okay.
So here's a fun idea.
I have a few guys and I swore this out.
One of my friends met her husband, she loved basketball, so she bought a season ticket
to Vandy basketball and she said, you know, I learned is when people buy season tickets,
you all start to show up early, you tailgate together, you get to know people and she goes
and all the people around me had were couples, but before you know it, they were all rooting
for me to find my husband and I, then I had eight couples looking for my husband for me.
And so like, that's what I'm saying.
Like, don't be afraid to like, think I'm going to get season tickets at T, you know, at the
theater or at a, at a football stadium.
Like think about the things that you love to do and just keep putting yourself in that
setting.
Okay.
Melissa, Dawn, what you got girl?
Okay.
Um, well I am feeling just a little bit torn, um, not terribly torn and probably you're
going to tell me just, you know, as we say, risk it for the brisket.
Um, but I, I just feel a little bit, I don't know.
I think sometimes I take in an unhealthy way at times, not often in my regular life, but
in this area, I kind of just feel like I see like what a lot of guys, I mean women and
men are going through.
And so sometimes I'm like, oh, I just want to be like really careful, like extra careful
with, you know, their hearts.
And I mean, not that I don't want to be, but I just, um, like there's this guy that asked
me out, um, and like, we're going to have dinner together in a couple of days and, you
know, he seems funny and, you know, like a kind person and like he has some good qualities
and I appreciate that he's respectful and I can say many things that, um, you know,
could be quite positive at the same time.
Um, unfortunately sometimes I just feel a little bit like, I just don't like, sometimes
I feel like pressure a little bit if it's like, it seems, and it's a false pressure,
I know, but then I'm kind of like, okay, well I don't want to lead anybody on, but then
I also have an actual chance.
And then I'm kind of like to the paying thing, like, like if I don't, I kind of on a gut
level, I'm like, I don't think this is going to be, I don't know this is, if this is going
to be a match, I'm open to the possibility.
And you know, he's a fellow image bearer and I appreciate, you know, his respectfulness
and initiative.
And you know, we did a video chat and you know, it was good, it was fine, it was nice.
Um, but I'm not like feeling a super strong connection, but I realized that video can
be quite different than in person, which is open to doing that at the same time.
I don't want to be a part of, which I think sometimes some men can feel like betrayed
if you're like.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
You're definitely, you're definitely whoa girl, you're definitely carrying way too much
worry for.
then you need to like, we're all adults out here dating and you're old enough that you
just need to be kind.
You do not need to guard, you don't need to be guarding anybody's heart in date one or
date two or date three.
It is not your job to guard somebody's heart until you're in like a phase, you know, exclusive.
Up until then, it is God's job to guard their heart and it is their job to guard their heart.
All we're asking you to do is be kind, we're just asking you to be kind and be open.
And if you enjoy his company, you agree to another date.
If you enjoy his company again, you agree to another date.
If you start to get so bored, you want to pluck your eyeballs out, you tell him, oh
my gosh, it was so nice getting to know you, you are really an amazing person.
I really don't think I want to pursue a romantic relationship any further.
And it's just kind.
And that's all you need to be.
You don't need to be kind.
I'm glad you actually brought that up, Melissa, because I feel like we're taking the guard
your heart thing a little too seriously, or we're, we're taking that burden on sooner
than we're supposed to be.
Okay.
That's such a good word.
And I definitely receive it and appreciate it.
And we'll follow suit.
As far as paying goes, because it is like an initial in-person meeting.
Some may call it a date, some may call it not a date.
But he did invite me, but I also like, like, for example, like, let's say I'm open to going
on another date, then maybe I will let him pay if he offers.
But then if I know I'm not going to go on another date, like sometimes I'm just like,
oh, you know, I'll get my own.
And just because I don't want them to feel like I'm, I'm not there.
If they purposely pick up the, if they pick up the check, don't not pick up, they pick
up the check right away.
Don't offer to pay for her.
Oh, actually, here's what I usually do, because I used to have a lot of donors, right?
So I had to learn the art of letting people buy my lunch for me.
And I would say, oh my gosh, you don't have to do that.
No, Renee, let me.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Thank you.
So that's your answer.
If they go to pick it up, you can say, oh, you don't need to do that.
And if they say, oh no, I'd be happy to.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Thank you so much.
Okay.
Awesome.
So just like, um, be like, like you would with maybe a friend that wants to buy you
like.
Exactly.
It is no different than that.
And here's the thing.
Sometimes you're going to go out with people who have enough money that they don't mind.
They just enjoyed your company.
So like, even if it doesn't go anywhere, like you guys, I don't know, there's things I've
paid for that like never went further.
And I don't regret all of those things because I enjoyed the moment.
And so he might just be like, oh my gosh, I had a really great lunch with somebody today.
What a great call.
Cause haven't we all had those moments where we're like, wow, like that person gave me
hope in humanity again.
What if you just being kind to him gives him hope that his person is out there again.
Like I can go on a date with a woman who's going to be nice to me.
Wow.
Okay.
That's good.
That sounds very redemptive and very healthy.
And this is clearly something I'm working on is like saying this is in my terrain.
This is not in my train.
And so I'm just incredibly grateful for the freedom to guard my heart within reason without
being like vigilant and also to allow other people to be responsible adults that have
to entrust themselves to the Holy Spirit as well.
Yeah.
Thank you.
You bet, sweetie.
All right.
Um, yes, that is the funny, both of us, me and Bethany got our Bryans, both Bryans on
Facebook dating.
I'm telling y'all, um, I would have bet my last dollar, I mean, God just has a funny
sense of humor because four years ago, Jackie asked me to do the online dating video, which
that first training, it was live that most of you now see in evergreen in phase two.
And I was like, why are you having me do an online dating video?
Nobody hates online dating more than me.
And it's, she just, she just challenged me to it.
And I learned to master it.
And here's the biggest thing you guys, while you're online, don't take any of it seriously.
You really can't, you can't take it personal and you can't take it seriously.
Unless you go out with somebody on three live dates, then maybe you could take it a little
bit personal that if they say no, it might be a little bit about you.
But up until then, it's not about you.
It's not personal.
Don't overthink it and just let it go.
There were people that would drop me and I wouldn't even notice.
I'm like, oh wait, huh?
That guy, I think that guy's gone up.
That guy's gone.
There you go.
So you and I didn't used to be that person so just like fine like that's it
That's the attitude you need to have a bad online dating is just like whatever
Okay
Random, what's the freight? What? I'm so what I'm never mind
I want to like read all these comments you guys like I need somebody else to start talking. Okay, um
Kelly Stotler or Cheryl you guys have been in the thing
Is there any but is there any question that has come up?
That you want to draw my attention to or you can ask it for the group and I'll answer it
Like I just want to make sure I'm not missing anything
I'm starting. I don't see anybody hands raised. So feel free to jump in if you have a question
otherwise, I'm gonna just take a hot second and
scan down
Oh
Good see Aaron Joe, I thank you for saying that everyone's being so encouraging, you know, it's really easy
I'm so glad you guys are using the chat for good
I've sometimes seen our chat not being used for good
And so I think it's it's we're here to like encourage each other tease one another uplift one another
Jackie always used to say lift all boats. And so I like the idea of that. We're here to lift each other up
Okay
Diane just wrote a question. So who did okay, Diane and Ward. Okay, how about me?
Not religious types, um, what do you mean but because they say spiritual on their profile
Is that what you mean, Diane?
Do you want to unmute and make sure you clarify that question for me
What does it mean when a man says spiritual here's the thing you guys you I never you never know like when somebody put
Let's face it when somebody clicks Christian. We really don't know what it means, right?
It means something different for everybody. Sometimes Christian just means they show up for church on Christmas New Year's and Easter
I don't know. Um, sometimes it means that they go every day. Sometimes it means that they're culturally a Christian
And so you really don't know the answer to that until you got to know them
Like I would always say things like, you know
Well, what does a typical Sunday look like for you if I don't hear a church anywhere in there?
I always ask another question
I would always ask another question which is so like when bad things happen
or when you've had to get through tough things, what have you been able to lean on and
If they that if they're so usually faith will show up there somewhere in some of those questions
And so that's how I start to learn about people. I have found
And
Megan has said I have found for me some of you would give people a chance that if they say
Spiritual I can only answer for me after being online for five billion years
That spiritual usually meant some hippy-dippy version of like maybe Oprah version of Jesus
And it's just usually not the Jesus and Christianity. I'm looking for
and you guys were also not going to diss on the Catholics because we have a lot of Catholics in our community too and
I also was Catholic for many many years and I have a lot of family members who are still Catholic Catholic are Christians
Please do not think that so, I mean I just finished my church history class and think okay
so the church started as the Catholic Church and the church was Christian and there was a breakaway for certain reasons, but
remember
We're gonna honor all denominations here in this room
And so I have some lovely family members that are beautiful Catholics
And so we're gonna always do so the end of the day whether they say Catholic Christian or spiritual the answers
You don't know I have found for me spiritual wasn't what I was looking for. So I stopped
Clicking on guys that had spiritual that was my decision
I wanted it make it easy for me
But I know other people have said well
I they put spiritual because they didn't want to put Christian because they got bombarded by women whatever
Okay, I guess I missed out on all those guys. So for me
Spirituals just was a little too hippy-dippy for me
And
But I don't want to presume anything
That's why everyone is deserves a chance you guys if some people suck at putting together a profile
They don't have our wonderful community where we're gonna shred your profile and help you put it back together
So some people are just doing the best they can out there, you know
They're like, I don't know what to put so give a lot of people grace when you see their profile give them a chance
That's why you always want to get on a video see what they're like meet them in person
That's why I don't even like to do
phone numbers because I don't like, I don't want to keep this anonymous thing going. I want to see
you. I want to see you. Okay. Any other questions? I mean, it's already eight, it's already 15 after
the hour. I don't want to force this time, but I'm so grateful for all of you. So yay to coaching
like this, you guys, good stuff. So remember relationship coaching, isn't just like I'm in
the middle of a relationship. It's always like, man, I'm stuck in my relationships. And so kind
of be praying about that. The next time you see relationship coaching up, it may or may not be me.
But we have some more wonderful coaches. And the good news is today, you also had your peer
coaches and community kind of keeping the conversation going along. Okay. I'm going to
put somebody on the spot. Abram, did I have you close out in prayer the last time?
Renee has a question for Aimee. Okay, what's the question?
She wrote... Hey Renee, I'll just unmute here. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
Hey, I just, in regards to the religion that's posted on their social media, I'm like you,
I am not, I am not digging the online dating, but I'm trying. And so I've been sort of just
dating guys that are of any religious background. And then as long as, for me, I also, you know,
want to make sure that they're conservative as well, because I just have more in common with
conservatives. So is it wrong to kind of just, because ultimately the goal for me is to,
you know, is to be married to a Christian conservative. However, like I said, I've been
dating in different, you know, different religions, different religious backgrounds. Is that, is it
wrong to practice dating with different religious backgrounds? As long as you can manage that,
like as long as you can manage your heart in that, you know, like, I think it's okay.
I'm not sure if I like to use the word practice dating, but you're right, there is some bit of
practice to it. Like there was definitely a handful of dates I went on that, you know, I was like,
well, I don't know, maybe. But if you're only going on one or two dates with somebody,
and you know it's not going to go anywhere, that's one thing. I wouldn't shrink somebody along
if I were you. Like I wouldn't go on three and four dates with a guy who has a faith background
that would not work for you. Because A, you don't want to set them up to fail. And B, you don't want
to put yourself in a position that you start to really like them and like, crap, now you like
somebody who doesn't have the same faith as you. So I think one date, fine. I don't know that I
would do more than one date with somebody who's not the same faith as me. I think that there are
plenty of men online or in person that would be happy to go on a date with you, that you don't
need to branch too far outside. I would rather you branch out...here's where I would rather you
branch out the kind of...you're not sure where their level of Christianity is. They might be
practicing, not practicing. You know what I'm saying? I would rather you swim in that pool
for practice and then for you to get a better gauge than dating. If finding a believer is your
deal breaker, then date like that. Okay, yeah, because I've been, you know, like honestly a lot
of the Christian men in the age group that I'm looking at, you know, late 30s, early 40s, they're
just weird. They're like, not like, yeah, and so that's the reason why I'm like, gosh, this guy's
a lot nicer. Yeah, I would just keep looking in different places then. Try again, like all the
creative things, try new restaurants, try new fitness centers, try new places to watch sports,
places to go to an art gallery, an art crawl, like just try different audiences, different churches,
different single groups, different meetup groups. I think that's what you're hearing
tonight is the theme, you guys. Just keep trying new things. If the place you're going to isn't
like, you know, yeah, just keep trying new things. Thanks for having me. Yeah, you bet, sweetie. I
appreciate that. Okay. Abram, did I already ask you to close out in prayer last time? Oh, that's
right. You have that stupid thing again. Dang it all. All right.
Right. Oh, Cheryl, I'm gonna let you close us out in prayer.
You're like staring at me, right in my picture.
I'm gonna let you close us out.
Sure.
The Holy Father, just thank you.
Thank you for this evening.
Thank you that we can just hear from you, Lord God,
and just know that you're using Renee
and this coaching time and each and every one of us
to prepare each and every one of us for our spirit mates.
Thank you that we have the privilege to be here
and to be a community and just be with one another
and support one another and lift each other up.
So bless us as we go to our week
and enter into what you have for us ahead.
Jesus name, amen.
Amen, y'all have a good rest of the week.