I do have a habit of sometimes not recording, so I want to make sure that we do that.
So welcome, everyone.
It is already Tuesday, January 20th.
Can you believe it?
20 days into January 2026.
My name is Karla Johnson.
I'm one of your coaches here at Last Year Single, if we have not already met.
I'm just going to quickly introduce myself.
I am a success story here at Last Year Single.
I came in the program at the very beginning in 2020, so I've walked through the heartwork
several times.
Believe it or not, I am in the process of doing some heartwork currently as a couple.
So I am married.
We are two years and about five months, almost six months, into being married.
So we just launched a heartwork for couples, and so we are in the midst of doing that.
So let me tell you, that is definitely something that you ladies can look forward to when y'all
get your husbands.
But before you do that, you'll want to do Simbis.
My husband and I did do Simbis before we got engaged, so that's always a good thing.
But yeah, so I am a success story.
I've been coaching now for over two years, so I have lots of experience.
I've made all the errors.
I've done all the guardrails.
I've done all the things, basically.
So I say that because I never want any of you ladies coming in here thinking that you
can't be vulnerable here and you messed something up or that there's not grace and space for
you here.
I, of all people, probably will have the most grace for you because I needed the most grace,
believe it or not.
Jackie was definitely, probably had to bite her tongue with me quite often, and she probably
didn't.
She definitely ripped Band-Aids off for me, which I truly appreciated.
But she definitely was very, very patient with me, and I appreciate it.
So I just owe this work and ministry that she does, just everything, and God.
I do what I do because of what it blessed me with, and so just know that my heart is
literally to serve you all because I wouldn't be here if I didn't have people serving me
and pouring into me in that season.
And so the best way for me to show that gratitude is to be able to do that for you all.
Okay, so I will be your biggest cheerleader, all right?
And just like Jackie, I will rip some Band-Aids off for you.
Don't worry.
It's okay if you get offended with me.
I don't take a lot of offense at all, okay?
And if I do, then I just know it's heart work.
I know I gotta do some of my own heart work, okay?
So I do my very best to practice what we teach here as well.
It's all a learning process for all of us here.
So hopefully I've answered some questions there for those of you that are brand new.
I know Paula said she is brand new.
Do I have anybody else who is new to phase two?
I got, is it, sorry, I have contacts in, but my vision is not the greatest.
Is it Alahana?
It's Alana.
Alana, okay, got it.
And I am phonetically challenged.
You said Alahana?
So it's like the short rhymes with sauna, so you can think of like Lana, sauna.
And my full name is Alana.
Alana.
And the worst I ever heard it butchered, so it wasn't that, was Alahonda.
And I was like, I own a Honda at the time, but I'm not a Honda.
There's no D in there.
It's all good.
Yeah.
D and Davis.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Gotcha.
You know, and it's funny because I, my youngest has dyslexia and so I struggle with phonics,
but what was interesting, I homeschooled him for one year.
And I would always ask him, why are you?
adding letters to the word and it's not,
like that letter's not even in there.
Like he'd add L's into words when I'm like,
there's no L in that word.
So now I have an appreciation though,
because he is dyslexic.
So when that happens, I'm like, I totally get it.
Because he struggles with it.
I've had to give him a lot of grace.
And once I figured out what he was struggling with,
I was like, oh man, like hopefully
I didn't wound him too badly.
He'll need some heart work, I'm sure.
But you know, hopefully with mom coaching some heart work,
I'm fully prepared, right?
Okay, so yes, welcome, welcome, welcome.
Do I have anybody else that's new?
I think we got those two ladies.
I got this in replay.
So if you are brand new,
we are so excited that you are here with us.
I'm just gonna do a couple of housekeeping things.
And then I wanna jump us into our teaching.
I want to shout out to Karen.
I really do appreciate you sharing that insight with me.
And you know what, you didn't share anything
that I wasn't already just like processing myself.
I really do not wanna spend a whole lot of time
doing a lot of teaching, especially with content
that you ladies will literally watch in the videos.
So I'm gonna do my very best today to honor that boundary,
because we're gonna be talking about boundaries today.
And so I wanna spend a good chunk of like 20 to 30 minutes
of boundaries and dating.
And I think what I have in store for you ladies
is gonna be really, really useful for you guys to digest
and be really, really helpful
as you navigate into a season of dating.
So for those ladies that are just now entering
into phase two, don't stress.
Okay, you don't have to date right away.
Okay, we are gonna encourage you
to start putting some feelers out there.
But if you are not like ready to go full throttle,
we're not gonna rush you into anything.
That is one thing I always wanna stress
with you ladies here.
We do not want you rushing through this phase,
just like we didn't want you to rush through phase one.
Okay, you're gonna hear me say that probably every week.
Do not want you rushing through phase two.
Okay, a lot of the growth, a lot of the breakthrough
is gonna happen in phase one and phase two.
Those are your foundational stuff, especially hard work.
Okay, which you all should have spent
a decent amount of time in there.
Okay, I really hope y'all did spend some time
really getting some healing in there.
Okay, if you feel like I didn't, maybe I rushed through it,
don't worry, you don't have to throw yourself
back into phase one, because I'll heart work you here too.
I will.
Okay, I'm really good at that.
I've had a lot of heart work myself.
I've had a lot of experience, if you will.
So you'll notice when y'all post in the app
and I'm asking you questions and giving you feedback,
I'm gonna ask you probably a lot of things
that are gonna kind of lead you into some heart work.
Okay, so don't worry if you feel like,
oh wait, maybe I need to go back.
Don't worry, I'll get you there, okay?
Make sure that I don't leave anything out.
Don't rush, got it.
Oh, I do also wanna remind you ladies,
I struggle with this because naturally I've got a gift
of teaching, coaching, being a leader, that kind of thing.
So if that's you and you just have that gift,
maybe your job as a counselor, a therapist,
a teacher, a coach, you're the person
that people come to for advice, okay?
That was always me.
I never understood it when I was younger.
Now, obviously, prophetically,
I understand it now as an adult.
I want to encourage you ladies
to take those hats off in this phase.
Your job in this phase is to receive, okay?
I know it's gonna be really easy.
You're gonna wanna interact with everybody
and you're gonna wanna kind of get into that advice giving
and coaching and asking questions and things of that nature.
I really want you ladies to feel
like you can fully receive, okay?
So I want you to take that stress off of yourself
and you don't have to do that, okay?
You are released from that.
I want you to fully sit back, enjoy the journey,
ask your questions, celebrate all that.
I do want you ladies engaging with each other.
I want you to celebrate each other but leave the coaching,
the questions, the advice, all that kind of stuff,
leave that to myself and Ebony
who are your coaches here in phase two
or any of the other coaches that will jump in sporadically
through your time here in phase two, cool?
Because you deserve just to be blessed
and poured into, truly.
But again, go and love on your sisters,
engage with one another, connect with one another,
cheer each other on, do all of those things,
be each other's cheerleaders, support each other, okay?
I want y'all interacting with each other in the app, okay?
Read each other's posts, find out what y'all are,
be in the know with who's dating who,
who's struggling with what, who needs prayer for what,
who had what success, engage yourself with that, okay?
It is one of the biggest blessings
outside of getting a husband, all right,
from this program that you can get.
I still have close friends in this program
that I met five years ago, okay?
And yes, Callie saying, please be more active.
She's one of my girls, I see her in there
and she is giving all the encouragement, okay?
And let me tell you, when you ladies are in there,
catching up with what other women are sharing,
you are going to glean something yourself.
You're gonna learn something from others
and when you share, people are gonna learn from you.
Oh, and don't delete your videos, girl.
Don't delete your videos.
Did I not already respond to your video?
I did think I watched it, did I not respond to it?
Callie, you can unmute.
Oh, you did another.
Yeah, don't feel like you have to delete a video.
I don't want you to feel like that,
like we're gonna just remove that insecurity from you, okay?
The only thing that I am gonna ask you ladies,
and again, if you slip up, it's totally fine, okay?
Remember, I'm the one that talks a lot,
so I give a lot of grace in this area.
I'm caring, you know.
Try to keep those videos two to three minutes tops, okay?
If it goes like four or five minutes,
just keep that in mind for next time
and also just keep in mind,
we may not be able to respond to it as quickly
because it does take some time for us to get through.
And you'll notice if, I know for myself,
when I watch those videos,
I don't know if Nadine is on there, is on here.
She posted a couple of videos.
I think she comes to the evening call.
I will be typing and like kind of repeating back
what y'all share in a video.
That helps me keep processing.
Kind of like how a lot of you that have been on here before,
like I will sit and note take when y'all are talking
because it's how I process what you're saying
and it's how I listen to Holy Spirit as well
so that I don't forget anything
because I want to literally like absorb all your words, okay?
And I don't want to forget anything.
So I kind of do the same thing in the videos as well.
Like I'll just type things
and it might sound like I'm parroting back to you
but I promise like I will eventually respond.
I might not get to it right away
but when I go back, I'm like, okay, yeah,
now I know what they were talking about, okay?
But yeah, let's not feel entitled, okay?
But okay, that's gonna be heartwork stuff, okay?
And I'm not like gonna make you heartwork it right now
but if you notice those tendencies that come up,
if that's a frequent feeling that surfaces,
you might want to lean into that, okay?
All right, I think that's about it.
Oh, there was a little bit of confusion, I think,
with a few people about what coaching
is available here in phase two.
So coaching will be available with y'all's membership,
like what y'all pay for to be in this community.
You get it here in the group calls,
these Tuesday calls at one o'clock
and eight o'clock Eastern, okay?
So there's coaching that happens here.
We do a lot of teaching, so it's gonna be a lot of us
coaches talking the majority of the time.
We open the floor towards the end of the call
to ask your questions.
We take as many as we can within time, okay?
We really do try our best to limit.
those coaching times between five and 10 minutes per person.
So keep that in mind, we can't get through a lot.
Okay, now if there's someone's question
has a lot of good meat to it,
or there's a lot of good processing that we could do
that we could get a lot of group coaching out of
where it's going to be really helpful
and resourceful for the whole group,
we'll spend some time with that, okay?
So know that we have the coaching available
to do that live on these group calls,
but it can't always be guaranteed.
Your best, best, best bet to get your coaching
and frequent coaching is posting in the app.
Okay, Ebony and myself, we do our very, very best
to dive into the app as often as we can.
Okay, at least one of us is usually trying to jump
in that app every day, Monday through Friday.
We can sometimes get a little hairy, okay?
But we're always in there.
Now, some of the more meatier questions or situations,
we may need like a little extra time
to kind of sit with Holy Spirit with
because we wanna really make sure that we are
really spending time with Holy Spirit
before we just kind of share something with you.
So if you've been waiting for a hot minute,
know that we see it, we'll get to you, okay?
We didn't forget about you.
If you've been waiting for two or three days
and we haven't seen it and you haven't replied,
shoot us another message
because there are times where it gets lost
because if y'all have been scrolling through that app,
it does sometimes feel a little tricky.
I think we've got something that glitches out.
Personally, I try to do all of my app work on my computer.
I don't like doing it on my phone.
I feel like I lose things there, I scroll past things,
it just doesn't work very well for me.
So I always try to get on my computer.
If anybody means that if they wanna use it on the computer,
I would know that that is an option for you.
It's just last year single, all lowercase dot app, okay?
Some people like using the app on their phone
better than the computer.
Some people like the computer better than the phone.
I think everybody likes her phone better.
I like the computer better.
So we kind of, we both use both platforms, okay?
But okay, so yeah, coaching, that's what's available.
Now, some people do, at times,
feel like they have a lot more stuff to process
where they really want more one-on-one time
specifically with a coach.
And so we do have those services available.
They are an additional charge.
But you can purchase that through our Jackie's website
you can go to the resource tab.
It will be under hire a coach
that will give you a 50 minute session with a coach.
So myself, Ebony, we have coaches from phase one,
phase three, all of that.
If you think that, you know what,
I just really need to be able to talk back and forth
with a coach for a significant amount of time, okay?
I've had several people do that
because they really want to be able
to process through situations.
I have a girl right now,
she was with me six or seven months ago in phase two,
going through a dating situation,
ended up releasing that guy
and then found herself in another relationship.
And so I've been coaching her through that relationship.
She's now engaged to be married.
And so I'm now even, she's, you know,
seeing, you know, still getting coaching with me,
every month or two,
to kind of walk through the engagement process
and the, you know, what to kind of prepare for.
Okay, so just know that those things are available.
Okay, I feel like I spent a lot of time on that.
Sorry, Karen.
No, I love it when you're here
because having you here helps me stay accountable to myself.
So know that I'm not calling you out.
Like you are actually a tool to help me.
So don't feel like I'm calling you out.
Like you are actually like, I value that.
I actually really, really appreciate it.
Okay.
Okay, so, all right.
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, okay.
I'm not gonna go into like.
Well, like I know I have a huge thing of notes here where I can go in and we could talk all day about boundaries
I'm not gonna do that because y'all have a
Video which is one of your last videos in this phase
That you'll watch Renee does an amazing job teaching on boundaries
Believe it or not ladies boundaries are not just for dating not just for you know a relationship with a husband
It's
relationship altogether
Okay, so it is really really a very valuable teaching. I suggest watching it more than once
So if you have already watched it, don't refresh yourself watch it again
Okay, if you haven't watched it
You're in for a treat. It'll be good. It'll be valuable
Don't rush to it if you're brand new because it's one of your last videos one video a week
tops, okay
Um
But it's just gonna kind of give you a breakdown of what boundaries are why they're useful
You know Jesus use boundaries. It just really outlines it really really well
It talks a lot about you know
even beginning stages of boundaries like
Believe it or not like we all
have
stuff tied to boundaries
from our parents
Like and it's even how like our attachment styles can be formed
Like babies attach to parents. So think of all the different scenarios
That could happen like we all come from different families different backgrounds different
situations different family lives
so you can see how
everybody has
these different dynamics that could
Literally
Influence how someone views boundaries or how someone shows up with boundaries
Okay, so it's so important to really be able to stay in tune with that and be very
Self-aware of that. So I really want to spend some time
Walking you ladies through that especially when it comes to dating. I think it's very very useful
So just real quick, you know boundaries kind of just define like who you are and who you aren't
What you like what you don't like what are you willing to tolerate and what you're not?
Okay
Like those are kind of like that's just kind of the the underbelly that the foundation of what boundaries are
Okay
If they form with your parents
Okay, there's
Believe it or not. I don't think I've
Coaching through this for two years now
Walking through the heart work myself
Going through 42 years of life myself. I don't think I've ever met a person that
hasn't struggled
with some
level of boundaries in
one shape or another
Believe it or not. Okay
Because at some point
Someone struggled somewhere
We live in a world of sin
Okay, it's cursed
So I always like to think of boundaries as like this foundation
Like it's a house almost
okay, and so when you think of like
boundaries you think of
These like
Bricks almost and so if you have these building bricks and they have holes in them
Like you're gonna want to fill those holes
And so those holes might represent things that you never received
And some people maybe didn't receive a lot and they might have a lot more holes than some of us others
Some of us might have gone in there and filled in the holes
With things that aren't good fillers
So those holes would be things like maybe you didn't receive enough love or
affection or
Attention or protection for whatever the reason whether it was intentional or not
So I think
I don't think I've ever met a person where they
ever said I
Received all those things all the time, especially in my childhood. I
Really don't and if you have
Mad props, I mean, I want to shake your hand, I don't know, like, seriously, I mean, I'm
surprised.
I'm not going to say you're lying, but you're going to have to hard sell me on it.
We've all at one point or another have felt like we didn't receive something that we needed,
whether it was from a parent, a sibling, a teacher, a coach, a friend, somebody significant,
a relationship like maybe a boyfriend, a spouse, a former spouse, okay?
So we all just keep that in mind, like we all have stuff, so I always like to, I love
that Jackie says we all have yellow flags, okay?
Now what I also like to look at is that you also have these cracks, okay?
Those cracks now, so we have these holes, and so what we're going to do is we're going
to use Jesus to fill those holes.
Now in a perfect world, we all would have used Jesus to fill the holes, right?
We'd have this great beautiful foundation, but we all don't do that, myself included,
all right?
So we don't always do that, all right?
But when we do, it's good, all right?
But it doesn't mean that there aren't still cracks there, and we might go and patch a
crack and those cracks are going to be things like things that harmed us, whether it's abuse,
so this could be physical abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse, abandonment, rejection, isolation,
you name it, okay, trauma, all right?
We've done some hard work on that stuff, right?
You've probably put some stuff on those cracks, right?
But I want to remind you ladies that healing will come in layers, and so sometimes what
can happen is when we put more stuff on those and we start building a little bit more on
those, those cracks, if they're really not like filled with Jesus and we haven't really
sorted those out, that crack might have a little bit, like we maybe just missed it,
that pressure can start building a little bit more of a crack, because as we're adding
something new to it, more pressure to it, it could create a little bit more of a, like
a bigger crack.
I don't know if that's making sense, maybe it will.
So again, these are just all like, I want you ladies to get that into perspective, not
as a doom and gloom, but as a just awareness.
We all have this, and it's nothing to be afraid of.
If anything, we now have heart work and we have heart work tools to fix all of that.
We got Jesus, okay?
So and again, we all have that stuff, and so because of where all of those traumas and
wounds and abuses and things that maybe we didn't receive that, you know, we really needed
in order to bond, and now we have some of these boundaries have just kind of been like
disheveled, like we got some stuff to work on, right?
So all right, before I kind of dive in too much here, because I already see myself doing
So I'm going to put some boundaries on myself right now, and I'm going to get us back somewhere
else here, okay?
I want to, let's push it back towards where we're at now, okay?
We have questions on these boundaries and where they're formed.
By all means, we'll open the floor to questions here a little bit.
Sound good?
Because I want to have some fun.
Does anybody else want to have some fun?
Okay.
All right, yes.
Attachment issues for sure.
Yep.
I can list my own stuff as well.
Comes from traumas and all that kind of stuff, some areas where those boundaries.
may have been injured. Okay. All right. So, last year's single, we really do, like again,
we will not give you hard, like hard, fast rules, but we're going to give you guardrails.
Okay. Which we really strongly encourage you to follow. So, there are three boundaries that we
strongly, strongly encourage all the members here to really adhere to. And there's like a reason for
that. Okay. In order to form like a really good, healthy, high form of relationship. And this
doesn't just go in like a romantic relationship. This just goes in all relationships. But I'm
specifically even talking about y'all are here to date. Y'all are here to get married. Okay.
This is really important. So, when I'm talking about these, and again, I know some of you ladies
aren't dating. But these are three boundaries that I really want you ladies to consider. And I know
for some of you, it will push your buttons. And that's okay. We can always talk about it.
And there's no judgment. Okay. First boundary is going to be physical boundaries.
Okay. Most of you ladies that come in here, I don't feel like I have a huge
like pushback on this is you're waiting to have sex before marriage.
Most women that come in here, that's, that's the desire of their heart. Now,
I also know that that's where a lot of discouragement comes in because women are like,
but there's no man out there that will wait. I get it. All right. We can, we can discuss all
that stuff. But right now, I'm just trying to lay out what our boundaries are, especially for my
ladies that are brand new to this phase and might not have heard these boundaries yet. Okay. You
were waiting no sex before marriage. And there's ways of being able to hold those boundaries and
dating. And we will, we will walk you through that. Okay. I also myself personally and strongly
encourage no kissing until you're an exclusive relationship. This one was a hard one for me.
This is one that like challenged me, but God really convicted my heart on this one,
even before I came into this community. So when Jackie like was like, oh yeah, no, y'all like,
don't, don't be, you know, we're, we're getting to know people and we're encouraging you ladies,
like it's okay to date more than one person at a time. You're not swapping spit with more than
one person at a time. That's where like, a lot of times ladies are like,
oh, I just don't feel right about that. And that's my first question is like, well,
is it because you're kissing? Cause if you kiss in multiple men at one time, I can understand that.
Cause you have this physical connection, this bonding with a person. Y'all, I was a kissing
bandit. I loved kissing. Like, yes, Kelly. I was like, I want, I want your, I want to know
you're a good kisser. Like I want to know cause I'm not trying to spend time with somebody that
can't kiss. I mean, let's be real ladies. Who's kissed somebody that's just not a good kisser.
Let's be real. Like if you kiss someone that's not a good kisser, I mean, are you real? Like if
he's got down on one knee and proposed to you, like, are you going to say yes? Let's be honest.
No, we don't. Okay. So I get it. All right. But in those beginning stages where you're getting to
know someone, you're not looking for that just yet. Okay. We're not kissing anybody just yet.
We don't need to know that we're wanting to get to know the person, the quality of their heart,
the qualities and characteristics of who they are. How do they show up? Do they,
are they who they say they are? Ladies in those beginning stages, when y'all are dating,
men and women will sit there and tell you what you want to hear. You're going to paint yourself,
like.
You're a catch, because you are.
The only time that sometimes that does not always happen is that if someone really does
struggle with some really deep rooted insecurity.
And if that's you, or if you're on a date with somebody, we can walk you through that.
That's just some hard work stuff.
Okay?
But you don't need to go into that physical right out the gate.
You just really don't.
All right?
Without going into too much detail, I tell this story often.
I always get a good chuckle.
I don't know if my husband loves me telling this story.
I laugh at it, because it's funny to me.
But my husband, on our first date, asked if he could kiss me, and I told him no.
And I think he was just kind of like, oh, like, no?
Like we had a good date.
I think he was just like, I think it threw him off.
Like, he was just like, maybe I'm misreading this date or something.
And I was just like, yeah, no.
And I was like, do you want me, like, and I was like, do you want to know why?
And he's like, well, you don't have to tell me.
And I was like, well, I'm just, I'm going to be honest with you.
I'm not going to kiss anybody that I'm not in an exclusive relationship with.
Like, it was important for him to know, like, hey, I'm just not kissing you.
I'm not kissing anybody.
And then I was also just being like, look, that's something that I put for myself,
so that if we continue dating and he was dating other people
and swap and spit with other people, it's not going to be a turnoff for me.
Believe it or not.
Like, no.
But I still married him, OK?
He still chose to date me, even though I didn't kiss them, ladies.
All right?
So there's men out there, OK?
Emotional boundaries, OK?
I'm going to try to get us through here, because I really
want to do this breakout session.
I really want to get us doing what I have planned for us.
Emotional boundaries, OK?
This is important for those of you who, like, if you were like me,
is like an overshare.
I'm a highly emotional person.
If you listen to Jackie's Supernatural Saturday,
I'm a highly sensitive person.
I'm in, what did Jackie say, HSP?
Like, I am definitely one of those people.
I will just share it all with you, OK?
Like, try not to do that on your dates, ladies.
Like, these men are strangers.
You do not want to exchange, like, high, personal, intimate
details about your life.
Like, we don't want you diving into the X-Files.
We don't need you talking about traumas.
Believe it or not, there's a thing called trauma bonding.
All right?
And that just doesn't happen in relationships, y'all.
I've had to even talk with my children about this, OK?
I have bonus children.
I have a biological child, and I have two bonus children.
My bonus children, their biological mother
passed away six years ago, OK?
So they both experienced trauma.
They both lost their mom to cancer.
And so, you know, one of my children
struggles with meeting people right out the gate
and immediately wants attention, affection,
and wants to just word vomit and, like, connect with people
and tell everybody about how they lost their mom.
And I've had to walk, like, and talk with my kids
about how important it is that, you know,
you have to guard some of those intimate details
and really get to know someone before you
share that information, OK?
Trust, like, you're letting someone
into, like, a sensitive space in your heart.
And so you're not going to want to sit here and talk
about traumas of your past and what hurt you
and what, you know, happened to your ex, why you're divorced,
you know, why you're divorced, what your ex did to you,
you know, how you might have been abused as a kid.
Like, you do not want to get into that.
Those are really, really detailed, personal, intimate
information about you.
Okay, so practice pacing those things.
Really get to know someone.
It doesn't mean that as you get to know someone
that you're not gonna eventually at some point share that,
but it's really about practicing the pacing
and when is it appropriate?
And I get the question all the time.
Well, when's it appropriate?
How long?
How many dates do I need to be on?
Ladies, I wish I could tell you
there's a certain number of dates, but there isn't.
We can give you a ballpark, but there really just isn't.
It really is about the connection,
like the intentional time that you spend with the person.
Like it's the communication is huge.
I mean, people could go on five dates,
but if two people really struggle
at being able to communicate with one another,
you're not really technically been on five dates.
Okay, so I hope that makes a little bit of sense.
And then the last one, and this is a hard one.
Get ready, ladies, spiritual boundaries.
This one I get a lot of pushback,
especially from my ladies that are like in ministry.
A lot of people really, really struggle with this,
with they want to go to church, out the gate with somebody.
They want to invite someone into church.
They want to go to somebody's church.
They love it when they talk on the phone
with a guy the first time,
and he wants to pray for you or over you.
And, oh, why don't we pray together?
Hey, how about we do a Bible study together?
And y'all haven't even met in person yet.
Or, oh, how about you come to my church?
Y'all, you're inviting them into your intimate space.
I get it, y'all.
I went on, I invited a guy to my church on a third date
while I was in this community.
All right, so I get it, all right?
If you've done it or if you do it, it's okay.
I'm not gonna judge you.
I'm just gonna speak to you like from experience, okay?
And I'm not saying that people who've done that,
it hasn't worked out for them, okay?
But I'm gonna say to you, more oftentimes than not,
it's gotten really, really sticky,
and it's hard to see red flags
when you've shared some spiritual intimacy with a person.
Just like it's really hard to see red flags, ladies,
when you've had sex with somebody.
And I say that from experience, right?
I'm gonna get real with you, ladies, okay?
I'm gonna let you in into a little bit of my world, okay?
All right?
I'm gonna share a little vulnerable information
about myself, okay?
So I was just telling you I have two bonus children
and I have a child of my own, okay?
The husband I'm married to now is my first marriage.
He is not the biological father of my birth child, okay?
So I had a child out of wedlock, all right?
As a Christian, all right?
I was going to church, y'all.
So I get it, all right?
But what I will tell you from my own experience,
because I allowed that physical intimacy,
and he was someone that I even went to church with,
my son's father was someone that I just thought,
oh, well, we talked about Jesus
and oh, he said all the right things
and oh, he went to church
and oh, we were gonna go to church together
and we were doing all these things together.
So then I thought it was okay to sleep with him.
And I get pregnant,
I did not see all of the glaring red flags.
Y'all, I was so intimately,
spiritually, physically connected,
I just saw what I wanted to see.
Like I didn't want,
I just was refusing to see what those flags were.
Because I just wanted what I wanted.
I wanted to be loved, I wanted marriage.
Then I got pregnant and I'm like,
oh God, I can't not be with the baby's father.
I can't do that.
Like I started operating out of this fear.
and we miss all of those flags.
Okay, so that's kind of why those boundaries are in place,
because as soon as you decide to cross those boundaries,
it's sometimes really hard to go back over
and take those boundaries back, okay?
And we can go into more detail, ladies, later if you want.
Okay, so what I want to do with you all now,
I am gonna break us up into,
and this is gonna involve lots of participation, okay?
So I hope this is gonna be helpful.
I'm gonna get lots of good stuff.
I think it's gonna be really, really useful
for you ladies that are currently dating
or you ladies that are going to be dating,
or even if you're not dating,
I think even just having some of this awareness
is going to be really, really good.
So some things that I want to do with you ladies.
Okay, we're gonna do a breakout session, okay?
A couple of things I want to share with you.
I want you ladies to be thinking for yourself right now.
This is important, because when I teach on boundaries,
this is where it gets a little misunderstood, okay?
Because everyone in here is a different individual.
Everyone in here has different boundaries
and different traumas.
Some struggle because we don't set enough boundaries.
We over-give.
Like, the way I like to look at it is,
you got this beautiful house, this beautiful yard,
and you're letting everybody come to the yard.
There's no fence.
Or maybe you might put up this beautiful white fence,
but the gate is just flying open.
You're like, come, come, open house, let's go.
Like, you want anybody and every,
you want everybody to come in.
You just want to be, oh, I just want to please everybody.
Like, oh, just come, accept, just let everybody in, all right?
Just bring everybody in, all right?
So, we have a harder time with boundaries.
We don't want to let people down.
We're scared, we don't know.
Like, ugh, I'm going to give a little too much,
even though it might not be good to me,
because I don't want someone to hurt me.
I don't want someone to feel like I'm hurting them, all right?
So, what do you think?
Is that you?
Are you someone that's like, ooh, yeah.
I just don't, I don't struggle with boundaries
because I don't have boundaries.
I don't have very many boundaries at all, all right?
So, what do you think?
Is that you?
Do you overgive?
Do you have little to no boundaries, okay?
Some of us, we set so many boundaries
that we don't let people actually in
to really truly know who we are, all right?
I like to look at this as, you know,
Jackie often says, those are the people that build the walls.
And I always remember what Jackie always says.
This is something that she said for years.
The only people that climb walls are thieves.
So, you build up these giant walls,
you're gonna get thieves trying to climb over that wall,
because they wanna know what's over that wall.
That's interesting.
I can't get to that over there, but I want it.
So, I'm gonna see what I can get over there.
Or think about like Fort Knox.
You have to have a high,
like someone has to have the highest security clearance
just to get in,
because there's so many boundaries.
You got the code to get in,
you got the fingerprint,
you got the retina screening,
you got, you know, I mean, anything and everything.
You got like the razor blade,
like, what do they call it?
That like fencing.
Like, you ain't getting in there.
You got so many,
you got just all the boundaries around you.
Nobody's getting in.
Like, you are like, I got this.
Like, I'm good on boundaries.
Like, I have no problems with boundaries.
See, I got all these boundaries over here.
You're like, I don't have problems with boundaries
because I have boundaries.
I want you to think, is that you?
Okay?
Both of these are boundaries,
and both of these are forms of boundaries,
and they're both of self,
they're both forms of self-protection.
One is protecting us from getting hurt at all
and letting anybody in.
The other one is protecting us from,
you know, being alone.
We're so afraid of being alone.
We don't want to keep anybody out.
We don't wanna be rejected.
We don't wanna be isolated.
We don't want anybody to feel like they can't come in
because we've been isolated.
We've been rejected and we don't wanna feel that anymore.
So we're gonna let everybody in.
So we're protecting this feeling alone.
So I want you ladies to keep in mind,
healthy boundaries don't just keep harm out,
they also let the right people in.
Okay, you don't wanna put up too many boundaries
because then the right people can't come in.
You also don't wanna not have any boundaries whatsoever
or not enough that you're letting all the wrong people
come in and do damage.
You don't wanna take that beautiful hippie garden, Callie,
and they're gonna make it all nutty.
You're not gonna have any pretty flowers in your garden
because you got too many people walking around
and they're stilettos.
They're not gonna appreciate all the beautiful
lavender and oregano and basil and all the things, right?
But like Lovelette said,
it's about finding that healthy balance, okay?
So I want you to stop and think right now and ask yourself,
am I someone that has very little boundaries
or am I someone that has a whole lot of boundaries?
Am I letting everybody into my yard or am I Fort Knox?
I want you to go ahead and put in the chat
which one you think you are.
And as y'all are doing that, I've got some questions.
Right, someone's letting everyone in.
Okay, someone has very little
but they have a very firm boundary
about sex before marriage.
That's good, that's good
that you're starting to form a boundary.
Paula has a lot more boundaries.
Callie's like, okay, I kind of got both.
She's like, she probably puts the walls up
and then when she finds them, like, maybe I'll let you in.
Now it's like, I'm gonna let you fully in, right?
Like you feel like you can just let all the guards down.
So that's good.
Okay, someone a bit more like Fort Knox.
Okay, so we've got some things.
All right, I'm gonna put some questions here in the chat.
So give me just a minute
because I'm gonna copy and paste
so this doesn't take me super long.
I gotta find them here.
All right, if you struggle with setting boundaries, okay
which means you letting everybody into the yard.
These questions, I want you to pick one.
I want you just thinking about it right now.
You're not answering
because I'm gonna put you all in breakout rooms
and you're gonna share it.
Okay, I'm gonna give you like 90 seconds
to share with each other.
And then you're gonna complete the prompt.
Okay, so there's three questions.
I just want you to pick one.
And then you're gonna complete the prompt.
So these questions are for those of you
that are like, I'm letting everybody in.
I struggle with having boundaries at all.
I want you to think about
where do I overgive in relationships or dating?
You can answer, where do I feel resentment in my life?
Or what behavior do I tolerate that I don't like?
And then after you think about that, pick just one
and then complete the prompt.
The boundary I need,
but I don't currently enforce in this area is,
and then I want you to come up with that boundary
that you need to enforce based on what you answered, okay?
All right, now for my ladies that are like,
I'm Fort Knox, like I ain't letting anybody in.
Who do you think he is?
Like, cause you've been hurt.
And for you ladies that you're like,
I'm a little bit of both, I get it.
I'm very similar.
I was a little bit of both.
In the very beginning,
I probably let a lot of people in.
in and then I'm like oh man I let people in that I shouldn't have let in and
then once I've let somebody in then my walls want to kind of come up once I'm
like oh I've let myself be vulnerable and now I'm really scared because now
I'm afraid that I've let someone in now they're gonna hurt me so then I put up
all the boundaries all right so just I get you okay but I want you to just pick
which one you think you actively do the most or at least in those beginning
stages of how you think you might show up if you're first starting to date even
if you're not dating right now how you think you're gonna show it when you
start today does that make sense um all right so I just put in the chat for
those of you that struggle having more than you need so you're gonna choose one
of these questions I think there's four questions that you get to choose from
you only have to answer one where do I keep people at a distance even when I
desire connection what do I avoid sharing that might actually deepen trust
where do I use independence or being fine to avoid needing others that's when
I totally related to what boundary might I be using to protect myself from
vulnerability rather than harm and then you're gonna complete this prompt a
boundary I may be over enforcing in this area is this and a healthier boundary
might look like and then name what that looks like okay the goal of this is for
you ladies is
I want you to start leaning into being able to recognize and I also want you
ladies to be keeping in mind like what we're not saying is you need more
boundaries or you don't have enough I don't want you all thinking I need to
have shame or guilt about this what I what I am telling you ladies though is
let your boundaries serve truth love and connection not fear or exhaustion
I want you to be able to name
the extremes of boundaries like if you have the I want you to be able to name
I'm giving up I'm sharing too much I don't have enough boundaries or I have
too much I want you to be able to see the extremes and be able to balance them
there's nothing wrong with boundaries here it's about being able to recognize
when we've got the walls up and when we don't have enough we don't have a we
don't have a fence up at all we want the fence with the gate that has the
latch on it and we want the latch like we want to be able to open that gate for
the right people and then we can shut it to keep the not right people out the
unhealthy unsafe people out does that make sense
all right is there anybody on here that is not gonna be able to unmute and share
with their group because I'm gonna put you in breakouts and I want to make sure
I have enough people in each group and I want you to spend 90 seconds you should
have had enough time to think about your response I'm gonna need at least one
person in each group I really want someone to keep time make sure that
we're holding a boundary we're not going over okay so I want to be able to come
back I want to be able to share some examples I want to hear your examples of
what y'all shared I've got a huge list so that you all can kind of hear some
and then we can open up and we can get some feedback questions I hope this is
really really helpful and useful and these are things that we can be doing
like each week like we can be sharing in the app what we're noticing with our
boundaries and then I've got an activation for you ladies for the week
to be working on and we'll post that in the app as well okay all right I'm gonna
throw three people in a group because I do see that some people are not able to
jump in so if you can't unmute I don't want you to feel like you have to like
cut and run because I do want you to be able to hear some of these examples
But I am going to break us out here.
How many people do I have on?
There is 17 plus myself at 16.
Maybe I can do four rooms.
Let's do five rooms because that gets
three to four people in a room. Sound good?
I'm going to give you all about,
let's say about 90 seconds each to share.
You choose member just one question and then answering the prompt.
Then I'll bring you all back in here for anybody that wants to share,
do questions, share,
give examples of how these boundaries might look in dating and call it a day.
Go ahead and join your groups.
Just making sure that everybody at least has somebody.
Unmuted. They're all muted.
Awesome. I'm going to go off-camera,
but I am still here if anybody needs me.
you
Welcome, welcome back ladies
Hopefully that gave most of you enough time. I know there was one room with four so I tried to stretch
The time just a little bit just to give that group a little extra time. I think they still might be sharing
So hopefully I think
Do I have everybody have everybody back. Oh, I think I've got one room still not quite back yet. So
I'm just going through the chat right now making sure I'm getting all the questions as well while we wait for them
Okay, I think everyone is returned
Good good good
awesome
Okay, perfect. So, okay. I pulled a few questions from the chat. I'm going to go ahead and
Go ahead and share those as well. So I definitely want to get to those and I haven't gotten through all of them
So I still have to keep scrolling
before
Interview ladies unmute and share. I'm just gonna go over a couple
That I think will be relatable
That I've seen over this like some that I've actually struggled with myself and then some that I've seen
As a coach and then some I've seen even my sisters when I was single struggle with as well, so
I'll start with some of the ones that are for those that maybe
Don't have you know that over like
Don't have the fence at all. Okay, so
I over give it so I'm gonna give you some that maybe don't really have to do with
Dating and relationship first, okay, because I know I have some women in here that aren't
Quite ready to get out there and date. So I over give in my
relations by relationships by not honoring my time constraints a boundary
I I need but I don't currently enforce in this area is telling someone when I
do not have the time and stopping appropriately okay so that might be an
example of like I'm not really honoring my time because I just want to make sure
I'm giving so much information to people I feel resentment in my life in the area
of my eating choices or how I allow myself just how I love how I allow
people to speak to me or how I even speak to myself so a boundary that I
need but I don't currently enforce is telling myself the truth about who
Christ says I am or not running for food for emotional support or my safe place
okay so that's just a couple examples there on that one see where's another
one that maybe is the opposite but maybe it doesn't have to do with dating that's
got to do with dating
that's got to do with dating
you have to do with dating all right well I'm just gonna keep going here um I
use independence as a way to avoid meeting people by telling myself that I
don't want help even when I feel overwhelmed I tend to handle everything
on my own and withdraw even when I'm stressed a boundary I may be over
enforcing in this area is refusing support so that I don't feel vulnerable
or like a burden a healthy boundary might look like asking for help in one
small way and allowing someone to show up for me without immediately pulling
back so this is actually one that I did struggle with in the beginning even
though I didn't have a lot of boundaries but as a single mom I did struggle with
that because that was really hard I really didn't want to feel like I was
bothering people I felt like people felt bad for me and looked down on me and so
I felt like I got myself in this mess I have to be the one taking care of you
know what I put myself into so I'm not allowed to ask for help because you know
I need to be strong and independent enough to do it on my own and then when
I was dating I was afraid men would think that I'm only dating them because
I want someone to provide for me to take care of my kid like I just I'm only
interested in them because I want someone to take care of my son like that
was that was a big insecurity I had for myself and so I had to learn to just
like not buy into that lie and know that I was a very independent person and I
was fully capable of taking care of my son but I'm also a very biblical divine
feminine and I see nothing wrong with wanting to be in that role of the divine
feminine and allowing a man and a husband to operate in his divine
masculine and provide and protect and and to do those things and so I you know
I I remember having a conversation with Jackie early on and was like I really
love the idea of wanting to be a stay-at-home mom and you know run a
house and do those things and potentially homeschool my children and I
just thought that was in our society in our day and age was just like a bad word
like that was not okay and she helped like snap me out of it she's like don't
ever let anybody you know make you feel bad for wanting something that's just a
desire of your heart that's actually how God's created you so it's okay and that
doesn't mean that if you want to be a working mother or something like that
that that's not okay and so I had to work on that boundary so that was one
where I probably had more of the wall up in the very very beginning I'm trying to
think of another one that I often see I know I put some good ones on here but I
don't want to go through them all because I want to open the floor for you
all this is a good one I sometimes use high standards as a way to keep people
too close. If someone doesn't meet every expectation, I quickly disengage. A boundary I may be over-enforcing
is leaving before there's space for growth or conversation. A healthier boundary might
look like allowing curiosity and communication before deciding to pull away. I see this often
in phase two. This is why we always say it's a yes until it's a no. If a man does not check
a box off in that first date, he doesn't say something the right way, he didn't respond
to a message in the right time, he doesn't look a certain way, he didn't offer up a plan
like maybe he didn't plan the date the way that you wanted him to. We're like, nope, don't want
that. I have a boundary. I need him to plan dates. I just want a man to plan dates. Ladies, we can
like that and we can value that in someone, but literally us having this hard, we can't even allow
someone in and be interested in getting to know them. Because ladies, just going and getting to
know them on a couple of dates doesn't mean you have to marry them. It just means you're opening
the door and being willing to get to know someone and seeing, okay, what can I learn about them or
myself that could actually be useful? Y'all, I love someone that can plan a date. I do. But I also
know, and I've learned this now even in marriage, y'all, I'm a planner. So as much as I love if a guy
just comes and just does the planning for me, there's times that I just I want to be able to plan
it. Because I know what I want to do. And then like, sometimes my husband want to go do something.
I'm like, I don't want to do that. No, like, that doesn't sound like fun. Like, you want to go there
for vacation? And you want to do that? No, like, let's do this instead. Like, I want you ladies to
keep in mind like certain things. So that's just one example. Okay. So that one I shared that one
because I often see some of us ladies that have the like walls up. We're so quick to be like, Nope,
Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope, he doesn't meet this. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. I get it. We can
want what we want. And we can desire certain things. But again, if he's, you know, enjoyable to be around,
and you know, he's a good conversation, you can learn a thing or two from him. Hey, why not go on a
second date and just get to know him a little better. You might learn something new. And you might learn
something that you like or you dislike. Or you might learn you I know, Stephanie, I know you don't like this. I
know, girl, you might learn something that you you thought you didn't like, you could have a new
appreciation for doesn't mean that you're going to have to decide that you have to continue dating him. But
just leading the opportunity open could potentially say, Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad. I can look at it from a
different perspective. Because ladies, I'm going to share this and I'm going to I'm going to be real, real and
candid with you. Marriage is not easy. And if y'all think that your husbands are going to do everything you want
them to do when you want them to do it. You're in for a rude awakening. This is me ripping a bandaid off. Okay. It's,
it's practice to be able to extend grace. It's grace and humility. I'm not saying ladies, I love my husband dearly.
Like he is phenomenal. There are some things that I'm like, Oh, that's not fun. I don't like that about you. But it's okay.
It's who he is. Like, it's not a deal breaker for me. I love him regardless, unconditionally. And so I can
look past some of those
things and just like, is that the true nature of his heart?
Like, you know, do, do I love that his idea of going on a date would be
to go to the movies all the time?
No, y'all I like going to the movies is not my thing.
I really don't like going to the movies.
I like going and doing activities.
I like going and doing new things.
My husband would be satisfied going to a restaurant, the same restaurant every
week, or going to a movie theater.
I'm like, Nope, I need some, like something new, something fresh.
I want something different.
Like, I want to be entertained.
Let's go.
But does that mean we have to do that every time?
No, like it's a balance.
And so now, like, again, I just, I'm, I'm sharing that just to
kind of help you ladies understand.
We don't want to have all these walls up where we can't allow for any self
reflection and like humbling and being able to be like, okay, I can give some
grace here and just allow someone to be who they are.
I don't have to like certain things, but is this a deal breaker?
Is this a non negotiable?
Okay.
Now how they treat you, they're disrespectful.
If they're crossing like serious boundaries, like obviously ladies, those
are boundaries, like absolutely not, not giving you a second date.
My whole thing is ladies, if a guy is going to literally start asking you
about sex on a first date and you put that boundary, I'm like, yeah, no, I'm
sorry, I'm, I'm not looking for that.
I'm waiting for marriage and he wants to still keep probing or he wants to
get like saucy with you about it.
I in the date, look, it's, it's really like, why don't we just go
ahead and go our separate ways?
Like, it's okay.
Clearly we're not on the same page and that's okay.
That's how you want to live your life and that's it.
You don't even have to give explanations.
Does that make sense?
Okay.
All right.
I'm going to open the floor to you ladies and let you share what
were some of your, um, your boundaries.
Let's hear it.
And then I want to hear questions too.
I got a little extra time today, so I want to hear it.
Why is everybody so quiet?
I'll be happy to share if you want.
Yes.
I barely made it.
I, I was on a walk and completely forgot.
Um, so I do tend to overgive in relationships and I'm actually
experiencing right now, someone in my life that, um, we're both leaders
in, in something and, um, it's not, you know, dating, it's just a
friendship relationship, but, um, um, we're both leaders, like new
leaders in this new kind of house church thing that we're doing,
which you'll meet some of those Friday.
But, um, the, um, like he feels that I didn't minister in a way that
honored the Lord and, and I, you know, sought the Lord on it and do
not feel like I, um, did anything wrong, but like he seems like he's
but like, he seems like I keep saying, I disagree, I disagree.
And he keeps like pushing the point.
And it's, it's like, he it's like, he's not okay.
Unless I agree with him and like, bow down to what his thinking is on this,
you know, and, um, I can even identify like what the spirit is within him.
Cause he, cause his dad's a Christian counselor.
And he's like, my dad says, my dad says, and I'm like, that is not God.
Your dad is not God.
I'm sorry.
Like, that's a familiar spirit.
We need to cast that out in the name of Jesus.
Um, but, um, I, I recognize that like, what I'm feeling inside is like, if I
don't bow down to what he says and just give in and he's not going to accept me
and I'm going to be rejected in this whole group, you know, and that's the lie.
Right.
Like, and so I've just been rehearsing like this, um, my boundary is like
spitting out the bones from the meat that others are, are feeding me, you
know, or trying to feed me, you know?
Like, and, and I, and if it comes up tonight in a meeting that we're both
going to be in with the leaders, then I literally think the only thing, cause
the Lord gave me the verse, stand firm, be courageous and do everything in
love from first Corinthians.
And so I'm like, all right, Lord, I'm going to stand firm.
And I just feel like the only thing I'm going to say in response is.
It's like, are we going to be okay if I don't believe that that's a word from the Lord for
me?
Yeah.
You know, and, and, and leave it at that and just keep saying it no matter how many times
he tries to tell me that what I'm doing.
I love that.
I like that you like, that's amazing.
So you're recognizing, so she's seeing like, I'm, I'm an over giver and she's recognizing
how she's doing it.
She's recognizing the feeling there and now she's putting a healthier boundary in place.
So she, and now she's going to go put it into practice.
So I love that.
I even think so again, just say, Hey, like you've got you look, I can respect that you
feel that way.
I don't believe like I've spent some time.
Can you respect the fact that I've spent some time in prayer and I don't believe that this
is a word for me to give.
Can we just land and agree to disagree?
And if he's not willing to do that, then you can stand firm.
I would also have you been like, are you able to seek counsel within your other leadership?
Oh, I already have.
Yeah.
Because there was another leader that we were trying to help.
And so I actually went directly to her and was like, Hey, this has come up.
I need to understand like where your heart is and if you're hurting and if you feel any
guilt or shame with what I said.
And she was like, no, I don't actually like that resonated.
I felt the father's heart on it.
And actually what he said, actually, I felt guilt and shame.
And I was like, Whoa, okay.
I would even say, even going to other leaders that maybe didn't involve that person.
Because again, when you have conflict and I can't, I did that as well.
When you have conflict with somebody and you can't sort it out with the person, you bring
other people and say, Hey, can other people come in and help us sort out this conflict?
You bring the conflict that you're having with the person, if you can't sort it out
and you bring it in front of other people.
And so I think if he can't just say, Hey, I respect you for it.
And you're saying, Hey, I respect the fact that you have your opinion and you're sharing
that with me. And that's great.
I'm just not going to receive that because it's not a word for me.
Yeah.
And that's OK. And I love that you're recognizing like, I don't need to feel like I have to
bow down to someone because if I don't, I'm going to be rejected.
But here's the thing.
Let's say you don't bow down.
And people reject you.
Then what?
What's that saying?
Nothing about me.
Nothing about you.
Exactly.
Nothing about you.
Nothing.
That's a God protection.
Yeah, that's exactly what I said.
That was a tool.
That was something God used to sift people out that didn't need to be in your life.
Yeah.
And ladies, I really think there's something on that one right there.
I really like this doesn't just go in like I know we talk a lot about dating.
But I think even this situation, too, like, ladies, if you look at dating relationships and
these even relationships within your community, when you think about rejection and not
being liked or someone not responding or, oh, they ghosted me or this or that or,
you know, they they just went, you know, they did.
They didn't like me.
Well, yeah, it's easy to feel that rejection and that doesn't feel good.
That comes from somewhere.
And if that does, then let's let's heal the roots of that.
But let's replace those lies with the truth.
I mean.
Do you truly want people in your life that aren't going to see the fruit that's in you
and the value and the treasure that you are?
Who God says you are, right?
Yeah, that doesn't want you around like that.
He's going to fill you with like blessing and people that are going to fill you with
his word and blessing and love on you and cherish you.
Why is he going to want you around people that aren't going to do that?
Yeah. Protect you from people.
So I know oftentimes when we're dating or we're in like community and then people just
we don't feel like people like us or accept us or anything like that.
Really, when that happens, it's actually a blessing.
Like get.
those people out, like, because they're not going to appreciate and value you.
Yeah. And I honestly don't think that's what's going to happen with this group,
either. The leaders are going to step up and be like, look, we're going to just
agree to disagree. And if that's not okay with you, you can step out of
leadership here. But we're not going to kick Sam out because she's not doing
what you want, you know?
And if anything, just think about how much growth your leadership in that
community can grow. Because that in of itself, ladies, like that, oh, like the
enemy wants to come after leadership. He's going to want to divide leadership,
there's going to want to be turmoil and chaos within leadership. Because if
leadership gets divided, then guess what, everything crumbles. So if you all can
come together and disagree yet still stay unified in the in the foundation of
what the purpose is of y'all being together. Like the enemy has no has no
weapon. And ladies, that's important to really get a hold of in marriage.
Because the enemy will want to come after your marriage. I promise you. The
enemy wants to divide your marriages.
All right. I'm in a blended family right now, y'all. It's rough. We got all sorts
of stuff going on. And let me tell you, the kids got the trauma and the kids
want to come in and guess what they want to do? Kids in general. I mean, it could
be my husband and I could literally have birthed all three of these babies. Like I
could have birthed them all myself. And they could have been all his
biologically. And those babies like would want to divide mom and dad. They
would try to divide and conquer because that's just what kids do with mom and
dad. Because you get mom and dad divided then we get we get to rule the house. But
that's not God's design. Kids aren't supposed to rule the house. They're not.
Boundaries are good for kids. I'm learning that. I was good. I'm good. I have
a lot of boundaries. I had a lot of boundaries with my youngest. My husband
did not have very many boundaries with his two kids. And so when we come
together, it's like, whoa, what's happening? We have to teach all three
kids what boundaries look like. It's different for all three of them now. So
this boundary stuff doesn't just apply in dating relationships. It's going to
apply in your communities. It's going to apply in dating. It will apply in your
marriages. It will apply in family. Y'all it's going to apply in your in-laws too.
It will. So being able to recognize these things and really get down to the like
why am I doing this? Why do I not? What's the purpose of me having no boundaries
whatsoever? Or what's the purpose of me having all these boundaries? Then you
could start diffusing the lies and start incorporating a boundary that
needs to be there or remove a boundary that kind of needs to be a little bit
lessened. Does that make sense? Does anybody else want to share? I want to
hear more. Come on. Don't be shy.
I'm driving. You're good. Keep the phone down here. But I have a hard time when so I'm
normally like a very like more boundary-less. That's my natural state.
But I do have a lot of boundaries I've learned that I do put up. But in the
moment it's really hard for me when the boundary is crossed to say something
because I don't want to hurt or offend the other person or come across as like
dramatic or mean or there's a lot of different factors that keep me from like
and that's something I want to grow in like even in my family my brother-in-law
says offhand things and I really struggle in the moment to speak up for
myself. So if you have any advice. Okay so you so you tend to do you tend to
just kind of keep your opinions to yourself is that what you're saying like
you just kind of don't say anything at all because if you do you're offending
people. Yeah and I think I'm like I wasn't treated that way by my parents so
when someone says something really disrespectful or rude there's a part of
me that doesn't believe it for a minute that's like oh no they're not like
they're not saying anything mean.
It's really hard for me to pick up on it and sometimes so then I usually will kind of like
Tell myself that it's not a big deal or that
You know, maybe I'm reading too much into it
but
So they're saying something and you don't you don't
You're thinking too much into it where you're like, oh maybe that's
Too much of a big deal or not a big deal at all. Like are these separate situations?
Yeah, it's kind of like just to generalize. There's a lot of feelings that come up like when
When someone is disrespectful
toward me
So give me an example
the most recent one
Trying to think of this one
Um
I don't know if this
Don't know if this that what's coming to mind is I was on like a video date with a guy and at the very end
he
um, I
Was like, oh if you want to text me I can give you my number and he made like a joke about like
oh, like I'm getting through the
dragons
Like, you know like in whatever that movie is you have to get through Oh Shrek
You have to like get through all the things to get to Fiona
He like me he like made a joke that it was like that with me
He's like, oh I've gotten past one of the
Simply
Well, that's not basically like I'm the dragon like at the end like he's
It wasn't very nice like it was just say or like how he was acting was like that
This is a struggle like the boundaries I've put up are like not
like he's having to fight off these battles and it's
Kind of like he's saying Wow, like you're kind of really hard to tap into and so like wow
I I you're actually gonna give me your your number to text you is that kind of like it was like sarcastic
Yes, yeah, it wasn't like a positive I just kind of laughed and I was like, oh like that's not
You feel that way kind of like laughed it off and we both laughed
but like I guess looking back on it now, it's like that for me would be like
Like if you feel like that's what this process is like and you're not really like it doesn't feel like you're respectful
Of the process then like we're okay to not keep I'm okay to not keep
This that's kind of how I feel looking back at that comment. Yeah
Okay, so a couple things here
I'm gonna help kind of help you process this just because you brought this upset this situation up. So let me ask some questions here
He he had a video date, this is most recent
and
He said hey, you want to give me a text and you gave him his number?
Did he did he ever follow through and text you?
Yeah, he did and I just kind of offered my number he didn't really ask for it
I just was like I had enjoyed our conversation
Okay, so he did text
Did you respond?
Yes
Okay, are you still talking to him?
Well, I've been thinking more over time as it goes and he just text me today that team you were talking about at the very
Beginning he text me like a team the red team. I use I don't I told him I don't I don't have cable
So I'm like, yeah, I'm like excited for him and for you
I had I almost wrote back and was like, I don't know what that means, but I just haven't responded yet
But I was kind of thinking of like formulating some text of like there's been some other unhealthy things I've felt from him and so
Okay, but yeah
Okay. So yeah, there's a couple things here. I don't think I I
Don't want you to let me see how I want to say this. Um, I
Want to get to some I want to get some good questions here for you because
This is still early this is still early on and I don't know if this is a
Response out of like your own
Stuff that you've got like walls up for that. You're you've got some fears up like
It was he being sarcastic because he was being rude and
Disrespectful or was he just like nervous himself and trying to like
Yeah, I mean with his own insecurities like we're still trying to feel him out
So I like that you're still continuing to talk to him and let's like again
These could be these are this is what would be like, okay. These are these are like
some like
yellow green
This is what
I
Think
That this could be
flag, right? We're like, okay, I didn't like that. I want to see
Good
does he continue to kind of show up like this where these he's
making these statements that feel a little, you know, the
thing that's coming to my mind is like kind of passive
aggressive, like, I'm saying something, but I'm, I'm kind of
No
painting it like it's a joke, but really, I'm not joking sort
of thing. Is that what his intention is? Or is he just
really like, trying to be flirty and just really has no
understanding of how to do that.
Text, I guess to him just kind of
Yeah, so I like that you're still keeping those, those
options open where you're chatting and you're still like
trying to feel it out. Um, so that's good. So I want you
again, but I, I want you to still stay in tune with how you
are responding. And I want you to be getting curious with
yourself as to what am I feeling? What are these motions?
What does this remind me of? Is there anything that feels
similar to to see if there's anything that could be revealed
here? If you're noticing kind of these feelings like where this
is, it potentially could be leading you to an something that
is deeper that could be highlighting an area that God
wants to heal. Yeah. Like, is there a time in your past that
you can recall someone saying something disrespectful to you?
That feels very similar to this?
Yeah, there's already stuff coming to mind. So yeah, so
that might be why it's kind of sitting that way. And that it
may be just you need, you know, God just saying, Okay, I want
you to look at that. And he's just wanting to go heal that.
And it might just be like, okay, just go do some prayer time with
him. And then you work through it and you're good. Okay, it
might not have anything to do with this guy, whether this guy
is someone you continue to date or not. It just might be a way
that God's using this dating situation to just reveal a
little bit of an area say, Hey, I want you to heal this. Like, I
don't want this to kind of carry with you anymore. Let's just go
ahead and get rid of this now. Yeah, this doesn't have to be an
issue anymore. Yeah. But but you did say you I did you did
mention some other things that was kind of coming up. Do you
want to share a little bit more about those? And then I want to
and then I want to take anybody else that wants to share if
there's a few more people. I think Callie had her hand up.
Just in general, like if you could share some advice on like
in the moment if someone crosses a boundary, like, I need, I do
better if I can explain myself, but I know we're not supposed to
like be telling people we're in this program. But that would be
really helpful for me. Okay, yeah. So I'm glad you I'm glad
you brought that back up. Because originally, I did want
to share that too. So yes. In that moment, when he said that
thing, I think you responded, well, I think just kind of not
paying attention to it. And then just kind of leaving it. You
waited to see if he was going to text you or not. I mean, this is
where you know, if he meant it that way. He most likely wouldn't
have texted you. If it was a downright, like he was just
saying something to be disrespectful, because he really
truly isn't interested, then he wouldn't have messaged you. So
at that point, you're like, good, he just, he did the work
for me, I don't even have to do anything about it. Because he
just, he just went ahead and removed himself so that I didn't
have to do any heavy lifting. I don't have to spend any energy
about that with that. So, but he did. So now, if he's
messaging you, and he does something like that, again, I
would then respond to him with more of a question. Hey, what
do you mean by that? Yeah, be curious. Give people an
opportunity to explain themselves more so that you're
not jumping to conclusions. And you're opening the door, where
they can be like, Oh, like, sometimes it's like, Hey, can
you? What do you mean by that? Like, sometimes it's just even
the tone that you have, like, I'm not sure what you mean by
that. That alone could be like, throw somebody be like, Oh, wow,
like, that that came off, not how I wanted.
that did not come out the way that I wanted it to.
I'm really sorry, I actually meant this.
And then they can go ahead and do that.
Like they'll go in and correct.
Or, you know, they might be like,
oh, I was just joking and I was just,
and if they do that,
because ladies, fun fact,
that is one of my pet peeves.
Like I told that to my husband.
I do not like when people kind of say something
in a joking way.
Like they give you like an insult or like,
and then they're like,
oh, I was just kidding.
Oh my gosh, I don't like that.
I don't like when my kids do that to each other.
And so my husband's like,
they're just being kids.
I'm like, no, that is so dismissive.
And that's only because I've had past relationships
of men that have done that to me.
And so I know that that's a trigger for me
and that's a wound.
So I've been able to work through that
and be able to, you know,
be open to those and being able to create those boundaries.
And so that's why I invite people like,
hey, what'd you mean by that?
And so then when they say that,
oh, well, I was just kidding.
Then you get to say, okay, I understand that.
But that wasn't really joking to me.
I really, that didn't land well.
That didn't land as a joke to me.
That actually was really hurtful.
And I would really appreciate
if you wouldn't dismiss my feelings like that.
You get to be able to have a firm boundary
and you get to say, that didn't feel good to me.
I can understand where that might be a joke.
I'm letting you know that wasn't a joke for me.
We can move past it,
but please be mindful to not do that again.
And if they are like all bent out of shape about it,
that alone is a sign to you
that they're not willing to respect your boundary.
And that's when you just be like, okay, next.
But if you're like, oh my goodness,
I really did not realize that.
I'm really sorry.
I will work on doing, you know, getting better at that.
Like give someone the opportunity to respect your boundary.
I mean, again, and they may not do it perfectly.
Y'all, I can't tell you,
like I've been married a couple of years now.
There's things that my husband has done
that to him doesn't feel like a big deal,
but because of my stuff,
I'm like, honey, that doesn't feel good to me.
I don't like it when you do that.
Like it upsets me, it hurts me.
I would really like you to work on doing this.
And he's like, I'm really sorry.
Like, I didn't mean it that way.
I'll work on doing it better.
Now, two months down the road, he might do it again.
Does that mean I married the wrong man?
No, it means he's human.
And then guess what?
I'd be like, hey, honey,
you remember when I told you I don't really like that?
Then as soon as I give him that reminder,
I can see in his response, his intentionality,
babe, I'm really, really sorry.
Like, that was not, I'm really sorry.
What can, like, there is a sincerity of a,
like, I really didn't mean to do that.
Y'all, my husband just did that to me the other day.
Like, literally, I, this is silly.
I do not like my kids hanging out in our bedroom.
I don't know why.
Like, I just don't like the kids being in our space.
Like, I just think that is a husband and wife's place.
And I'm like, we have common areas.
We have, you know, a living room, a dining room.
We have common areas.
Like, if we want to spend time with our kids,
we can spend time with our kids out in those areas.
They do not need to be in our rooms, in our bed,
all of that.
I was out at an appointment, and I come home,
and I thought my kids were asleep.
And next thing you know, I'm, like,
hearing stuff in my room.
And I'm out on the couch, like,
I think answering some of you ladies on the app.
And I'm like, are the kids in my room?
Like, what is happening?
The doorbell rings, and some of the kids' friends
are, like, coming over to play.
And I look in their rooms, they're not there.
And they're hanging out with my husband in my bed.
I had, y'all, I had eyes for my husband.
I was just like, I really was like,
you know how I feel about that.
You did that on purpose.
I really thought he was doing that to like,
cause I thought he was mad at me.
I thought he was doing that on purpose.
I thought he was literally doing it for chav.
He wasn't, but I was just like,
you, you gotta be kidding me.
Now, I mean, was like,
but I know I've communicated to him that I don't like that.
And then the one time that happens,
I'm like, are you serious?
Now, obviously he didn't mean it that way.
I did say something.
I mean, I obviously was like, babe, that was not okay.
And then he could own it and then we can move past it.
So it doesn't mean that you communicate it
and you put the boundary up
that there aren't gonna be times where someone might say,
oh, I like, but we still want to be curious.
We wanna ask questions.
We wanna give people that opportunity.
Now, obviously if it's, you know,
like again, if it's a sexual thing, that's a strong no.
That's a, you don't give people second chances for that.
They cross that boundary and they really cross it.
That's a blessing block.
You don't even give it an explanation.
Now, out of curiosity,
they might ask you what your position is,
like what's your opinion on sex before marriage.
Okay, that does happen.
I still don't love it when guys ask that,
especially early on.
I really, really don't, but it can happen.
You can be honest and truthful, see how they respond to that.
If they're respectful to it, move on.
And then watch if they bring it up again.
If they don't, then you're good.
They're respecting that boundary.
My husband put it out on the table.
He was actually the one that was like,
I'm not interested in having sex before marriage.
And for me, that was a relief.
I was like, oh, thank goodness.
Like he, I already know he feels that way.
I don't have to have the awkward conversation.
Like, hey, I'm not having sex before marriage,
but I have a kid and I've never been married.
That was always an uncomfortable thing.
I'm gonna have to have this conversation.
But he already had it on his little profile thing.
It wasn't online, but he was on a group
that was shared with me.
And I was like, oh, thank you, Jesus.
I don't have to have to do that.
And then we never talked about it
until we then started having conversation about exclusivity
and really engagement of what that would look like.
Like, hey, we wanna be serious.
We're thinking like, if we are exclusive,
it will like, our intention will be
to look at getting engaged.
And then once we were in that relationship
and talking about engagement, then it was like,
okay, we then had those conversations
of what that would look like.
Does that make sense?
I don't want you ladies having
those sex conversations too early
because you bring up the sex talk too early.
Like, it's out.
It's on mind.
All right, Karen, you're up.
You're my last one for today.
I always appreciate you.
And I am going to get better, I promise.
I think you're doing great.
Okay.
I was hoping this was more interactive
and more useful for you ladies.
Oh, let me just say, I was gonna text this to you,
but I don't wanna say it in front of everybody.
I think you did a great job.
And I know I was trained as in teaching.
And when we interact, we actually learn a lot more.
And the other is good too, the one way is good too.
But I think you're just great.
So that's my-
Agree, I was a former teacher and I'm like,
when you all get to participate,
you're gonna get more out of it.
And I'm like, I gotta get you ladies like doing stuff.
So I appreciate that.
I promise we're gonna get better at this.
Ebony is a teacher too.
So we're like tag team.
And we're like, we gotta do something different
because-
I love it.
Anyway, I hope I said that firmly and clearly enough.
Yes, you did.
I appreciate you.
So fun.
I'll tell you, I'm actually what's called
an external processor.
So saying it out loud actually helps me get it more.
And when I was in a group,
I got something that I didn't get
when I just wrote something down.
Good.
I know, it was so helpful.
I was like, oh, that's-
Good, Karen.
Take it.
Yes.
All right, share that with us.
What it was is the bottom line is
I realized that I needed to be clear within myself
about how I felt about something and what my boundaries were
and what I needed so that I could be clear with the man
that I was dating.
And here's what happened.
In short, there's a man that I really enjoyed,
but I realized after the third date
that I just didn't want to date him for good reasons.
So I let him know that in an affirming way in my text.
And then I sent him a text with something I knew he'd love.
Jesus.
OK, so that he gets back to me.
He sends a couple texts and one of them, anyway, whatever.
And I just didn't feel peace about it.
So there I'm being aware of my feelings.
I came from a point I did not know how I felt
and I did not know what boundaries I needed.
So I was like, so I'm aware of the feelings.
I'm going, and so I'm praying.
And I actually took a day or two,
something like that, to get clarity in myself
and realized, OK, I really like him as a friend.
That's why I communicated again.
Yeah.
OK, but I don't want to date, so I need to be clear with him.
So I let him know in a nice, affirming way,
again, you're a treasure, you're awesome,
and I need to not text, whatever, basically.
So getting clear within myself helped me get clear with him
because I was sending mixed messages.
Yeah.
No, that's good, and that you're recognizing that.
And I love that you're giving yourself grace
to walk through that as well.
Yeah.
Ladies, this is the whole point of the dating for discovery
process.
You're learning, OK, it's OK for you to recognize,
I really like this person as a friend.
I'm not romantically interested.
I want to spend time getting to know this person,
but I also know I need to be clear in letting them know,
hey, I want to make sure that you're aware.
I'm not interested in this progressing anything
romantically.
So in order to help keep that boundary there,
I'm going to refrain from messaging you.
Because you saw how that was not settling with you.
Right.
And for some women, and some men, they can do that.
For me, I'm not one of those people.
And I know there's a lot of ladies
like, I don't want to hurt somebody.
I don't want to let someone down.
I want to lead somebody on.
If that's kind of what comes up for you,
then you're not going to be able to be like,
I can go on a date with someone and just be friends with them.
Like, it's learning that about yourself, OK?
And again, sometimes that just takes
going through the process.
And again, as long as you're being honest with yourself
and you're working through that, and again,
it might take you a week or two or a couple months.
Whatever that looks like, give yourself the grace.
You're not going to be perfect at this, OK?
And you get to own when you get to own it.
So if for some reason someone did get hurt in the process
and it was never your heart, you get to share that.
And then they get to choose whether or not
they receive it or not.
That's not our responsibility.
We are responsible to be respectful to people,
but it's not our responsibility to make people decide
what they want to do with it.
Like, we have to, like, that's a big thing with boundaries, too.
And when you all listen to that video or listen to it again,
you'll hear that, like, it's learning,
like, what are we responsible for and to?
Like, it's very different.
I can't remember how Renee words it.
Like, I'm responsible to somebody.
Or I think it's like, I'm responsible to something,
but I'm not responsible for someone.
Or I'm responsible for somebody, but not to somebody.
Like, I'm not saying it clearly.
Renee says it perfectly, if that makes sense.
So it's learning, like, I'm only responsible
for what I can be responsible for.
As long as I'm honoring and as long
as I'm clear in my communication and I know where my heart is
and I'm communicating that heart.
I can't then choose how that person then receives it,
picks it up, chooses to believe it.
I can't decide that. I can't.
If you tell that guy,
hey, I really appreciated getting to know you.
You're a wonderful person.
I want to be friends.
However, I don't see this going anywhere romantically.
I like to think that we could still continue to talk,
but that wouldn't really make me feel comfortable.
So I'm just going to have to stop texting you.
I really apologize.
Now, how he feels about you
and how he accepts that or not accepts it, that's on him.
That's something he gets to sort out with God.
But you honored yourself.
You were true, kind, clear,
and that's all you can do.
That's important to learn.
Okay, I know I'm definitely going over a little bit.
I don't know if Kelly is still on here.
She is. I know she mentioned in the chat
she's pretty good about having some good boundaries,
but she did mention the hotter the guy is,
the less boundaries she has.
Is that with this new guy?
How's that going?
Yes, I have not met him yet.
Okay.
So you haven't met him in person yet?
Not yet.
Okay.
No.
Okay.
But I'm planning ahead.
Okay.
But is this the guy that is,
reminds you of your former?
It is.
Okay, yeah, we want, okay.
I was not aware that you have not met him in person yet.
So yeah, I want you,
you're already doing beautiful in the app.
Continue to keep us updated.
I want to really help keep those things in check for you.
Because-
Yeah, that's, but my biggest one is,
is I'm on the spectrum of anxious avoidant, right?
Dab in the middle.
Oh girl.
And I'm just,
and I'm actually more leaning avoidant at this point
in the sense of if I even smell someone has low capacity
or resistance to growth, I'm out.
I'm just so disinterested that I might be
kind of pushing people away or kind of overlooking them
just because I'm just done.
I don't want to be anyone's therapist.
I don't have to beg them to change.
And I don't want to have to feel like
I have to make myself smaller.
So I'm trying to practice discovery
in the sense of inviting people to pace,
because maybe it just takes them a while to open up
and I just kind of get right to the point.
So I'm going to have to maybe back up a little bit.
So I don't know, I'm struggling with that.
That's fine.
I want, so what you're doing now
with you coming into the app, like you're doing it beautiful.
Like I said, you're doing it beautifully.
Like you ladies, if you want an example
of how to really get the most out of this program,
look at Callie, Sam does this really well.
I'm trying to think who else has come in.
If you're coming in the app and you're sharing,
I mean, I don't care how long it is.
If you are giving us details and letting us know
what are you processing through,
what situations are happening.
I mean, I don't care if it changes day to day.
Like if stuff is going on and you need to share with me
twice a day, like put it in there.
Okay, I do my best to get in there as often as I can.
I think Sam, I still have to respond to you.
No, I'm coming.
I am, I promise.
But I want you ladies coming in there
and let us know what you're struggling with.
What questions do you have?
What things are coming up for you?
Okay, so Callie, what we're going to do with you,
like when those things come up,
I will probably be asking you some questions
that will probably start doing some hard work stuff.
A lot of this stuff is going to probably lean
a little bit more into hard work
and we're just going to get to those things.
And these are all good things.
We want this stuff to come out.
This is when it's like,
I don't want you ladies to get discouraged
if you're on these dates
and it doesn't feel like you're getting any traction
and it's like, what's happening?
Like nothing, this is where the work takes place.
This is where the healing really does start working.
Like I say it from my own testimony.
Okay, I had stuff that I had to really get through,
like a really did.
And like, I was like, when's it gonna happen
that this situation, this situation,
this situation, this situation,
like I've got this and then I...
Felt like I was kind of like, just like Callie,
I was anxious avoidant, fearful avoidant,
like I'm anxious, and then once I kind of like
get you there, then I'm like, whoa, I'm a little too close.
I'm gonna put the wall up,
because now I've literally opened myself up to get hurt,
because every close relationship I had found myself in,
I was hurt.
I was let down.
I was rejected.
They gave up on me.
Like, they never followed through.
Y'all, I had a, I was pregnant, seven months pregnant,
and my son's biological father left me
seven months pregnant.
Like, woo!
All right, I had to heal through that.
I mean, there's all this stuff, like,
and now I can say like, that does not,
I don't carry that anymore.
I really don't.
Because this heart work stuff,
and I had to go through some dates and stuff,
and some recognizing of things to get to those pieces,
and it was really good, and I still even get to do that
even now in my marriage.
Your marriages are gonna even bring this stuff out
in you ladies, and it's gonna grow your relationships
even closer together, too.
Okay, so come in the app, share what's going on.
I think, Callie, I think some of the things
that you have shared, I think we probably
have already started that process,
where I think I have already started asking you
some questions of things to kind of sit with,
spend with the Lord, bring it back,
like when, you know, and you don't have to,
ladies, you don't have to answer those questions right away.
I don't, sometimes I don't want you
to answer those questions right away.
I really do want you to sit with the Lord for a day or two,
and really, really sit and process through that
with you and God, and then bring to me
what's been processing, and then we can see
if there's another layer.
Because sometimes you guys will just realize,
like, all it takes is a day or two
of just sitting with the Lord,
and then you're gonna go out, like,
maybe you're gonna go to the grocery store,
and God's just gonna literally show you something,
and it's gonna give you the breakthrough that you need.
Like, it is amazing how God will literally
show you something on television,
or you'll read something with one of the ladies here,
and you're gonna be like, whoa,
you're gonna be at church, and you're gonna hear a sermon,
or you're gonna hear a worship song on the radio,
and it's gonna be like, it's just gonna hit.
It's spiritually going to hit you differently
because you've spent that time processing it with the Lord,
because it was God all along.
And so, once you've allowed yourself that time,
it's just like, oh my goodness,
this is the breakthrough that I needed.
You're gonna listen to a Supernatural Saturday,
you're gonna get on a prayer call,
and it's all just gonna start piecing together,
and that's what, like, and then you're gonna realize,
all because maybe a question, or you sharing,
or you reading something, like, whatever.
Utilize this community, utilize this community,
utilize this app, okay?
But Sam's shaking her head because she knows, she knows.
She's been doing this.
And I know Callie knows because she's been,
I mean, she's only been here, what,
you've only been here like a couple weeks,
and she is engaged, Karen's engaged.
Like, they're all, most of you ladies that I see on here,
like, I know, Paula, you're brand new,
but you ladies, Mackenzie, she's come and shared.
It's my girl, Stephanie, I know Lovelette, she's shared,
Mika shared, all you ladies, like, I see all,
I see y'all, you ladies that show up.
And so, any of you that are listening to replay,
ladies, you wanna show up.
And if you can't be here on the live,
you're listening to replay, that's okay.
I wanna see you posting in the chat.
I wanna see you posting in the app.
That's where the breakthrough happens.
All right, here I thought I was gonna be like,
so good about being on time.
I'm gonna get better.
And Karen, thank you again for that encouragement.
Ebony and myself, we are working on these teachings.
So as we grow in that,
I think we're gonna just be able to tighten these up
and really see what works, what doesn't,
and be able to really get the best out of our time.
And then, yeah, sound good?
All right, tonight, another live with Ebony.
She'll be covering some of the same things.
It's always good if you can comment to both.
And then we will post the activation.
It is going to be along the lines of boundaries.
We're gonna, if you are someone that struggles
with having too many boundaries,
we're going to activate you to kind of maybe
do something that might lessen your boundary a little bit.
So you pick one and share about it.
If you tend to not have a lot of boundaries,
we're gonna ask you to pick something
where you're gonna put a boundary in place, okay?
So be looking for that in the app
and we'll see you later, okay?
All right, bye ladies.
Thank you.
See ya.