start recording lady look it's so good to see you all tonight Rosanna this is your first time with
us live yes yes well welcome welcome welcome we are so happy to have you I didn't even see all
the other ladies come in on the other side I need this thing to show me everybody but it does
see I didn't see you ladies sneaking to the room hey Nadine Yesenna uh Kenyan, Laurie, Tim, Leah,
Amanda, Cherie, Nikki, Lydia, Joanne, Christina, Suzanne, Cynthia, see it's so good to see y'all
tonight all right now somebody's name I mixed up K-A-N-Y-A-N I am almost certain I said your name
wrong um yeah no worry you can call me Connie Connie yeah okay yeah LaVette has come in the
room she snuck in on me I'm telling you I wish that I don't know why I can't see everybody at
the same time like when you watch a replay and everybody comes up on the screen but I guess if
that happened I wouldn't see anybody well listen ladies I'm excited about tonight because um this
is a really good teaching I believe that you're going to benefit from it greatly and so Father
God I want to open with prayer I thank you for these ladies I thank you for um the power and
the strength and the resilience that lives on the inside of them I thank you Lord God as they walk
with you on this journey that they're becoming more and more resilient I thank you Lord God
that you're expanding their capacity for what you have in store for them I thank you Lord that you
are the God where nothing is missed nothing is overlooked and you are intentional about your
daughters and so I thank you for being the God of intentions on tonight in Jesus name amen amen amen
amen all right so um I just want to welcome all of our newest members ladies if you will give them
some love in the chat um reminder if you gifted gifted ladies because I know we all carry this
because most women just carry nurturing and um wisdom um of some level and so be reminded that
when we're encouraging our sisters and keep encouraging each other don't feel pressure to
put on your leader hat or put on your mother hat or put put on don't don't don't don't put that
pressure on yourself let us coach and we want you to just relax and enjoy the process and encourage
each other along the way but don't carry um a burden um to rescue okay sounds good can we do
that ladies um good and uh just like in phase one we encourage you not to rush through the hard work
don't rush through the dating process this was my most favorite phase of them all um those of you
who are new I um was in the program about four years ago and uh I um they kept me around
but yeah and so this was my most favorite phase it grew me the most it changed me it made me
powerful God used it as a tool in my life to sharpen me to shape me to heal me and to grow me
and I am a living testimony of what this phase number two can do dating and growing and expanding
your capacity and just working it like it's a class submitting yourself to the order and seeing
what can be produced in your life is beautiful beyond what you can imagine and so whatever you're
carrying drop it and pick up what's being offered the teachings that Jackie have put has put together
for you all and the wisdom um that rests here and I guarantee you you will come out better on
the other side for it we're all about building capacity so I know that when we come out of phase
one it's like my heart is healed I'm ready where is he God God God hey you know hey I thought we
had a deal I get healed you give me a man God where are you and this phase is that in-between
place let me tell you something do you ladies know what you do in between the the the promise
and purpose who knows what we do in the middle it's called prepare so anytime you feel like hey
God made this promise and it's not coming guess what season you're in preparation that's what you
do in the meantime you prepare so that means that there's still some space there he's still preparing
you if there's some space there there's still preparation time not waiting time not holding time
not releasing on your behalf time but preparation time and so one of the questions I always ask
myself and I encourage you to ask yourself is this okay God if you're not moving in this area
where are you
If you're not talking about something in this area, what are you talking about?
Okay.
And you still continue to contend for the promise.
You still keep hope.
You still keep partnering, but recognize the season that you're in so that you won't find
yourself sitting in the judgment seat of what God could do, what he should do, and what
he did for Susie.
Because you don't know the level of racial relationship that Susie has.
You don't know if it's bringing the fullness out of her.
All you know is that Susie got married, and when Susie get married, I like to say, oh,
God is in my neighborhood.
He's on the way.
I see manifestation all around me.
He's on the way.
And so when Susie get married, don't feel like God gave Susie something you don't know.
Who gave Susie that marriage?
And you don't know what's in store for her in her marriage.
You don't know in the area she refused to grow, how hard the next five years are going
to be for her.
You don't know where she refused to grow in 10 years, everything is going to fall apart
because she is not equipped to handle it.
What I'm saying to you is this program is equipping you to handle what is to come.
And so next time you see somebody getting married, next time you see somebody's womb
is being filled with a baby, you say, God, you're in my neighborhood, and I know that
you're on the way because manifestation is all around me.
Can we do that?
Are we all together?
Yeah.
Good.
All right.
So don't rush through this phase, enjoy it.
It is worth it.
And don't forget you ladies that we have one-on-one coaching for these heavy things that you want
to unpack.
And there was some confusion.
It's not free.
There is a fee, but it will be well worth it.
We have some very qualified coaches and you will enjoy it.
And then who wants to share how the activation went this week?
The entitlement activation.
We didn't get a lot of feedback on the page, but any aha moments from the entitlement?
Anybody try something, do something different?
God's moving.
I'd rather stay single and prepared than rush and marry the wrong.
Come on, Amanda.
I will amen you on that one, honey.
Co-signing for you.
I've been there, done that.
Hey Claudia.
Hey Nancy.
Hey Jodi.
Hey Gail.
Hey Damaris.
Hey Diana.
And hey, Karen.
Anybody want to share?
Pretty is back in the house.
Hey Pretty.
Karen, I like seeing your smile.
Hey Lydia.
Anybody want to share?
No, no shares.
Okay.
We're going to keep going.
All right.
So tonight ladies, we are talking about bound.
Diana you look beautiful.
I just had to stop and say that.
I don't know if it's the way you've done your hair.
I'm going to cut it.
I just had to stop and say that.
I don't know if it's the way you've done your hair, but you look absolutely amazing.
Okay.
So tonight we're talking about boundaries and I want to, I'm going to move kind of fast
because I want to get us to some breakout rooms.
I want us to start exploring this.
So if there's something that catches your ear that you want me to double back on, tell
me if I'm going too fast, just do like this in the camera.
Slow down.
Okay.
And so everybody talks about boundaries, but sometimes we don't always know what boundaries
mean or what they are.
You know, and one thing I like to remind myself and everybody that boundaries are not walls.
They're not walls.
Boundaries are gates or fences with a gate where you let in and you let out.
You are the gatekeeper and if you're not keeping your gate, that means you're not on your watch.
Okay.
And so boundary, what exactly is a boundary?
It's an indication of a fixed limit or extent.
There's a fixed limit or an extent and so why do we need boundaries?
Boundaries define, protect, and sustain us.
They define, they protect, and they sustain us.
I think out of all my favorites, you can't, when you get them, they all do it for you,
but they sustain.
Boundaries have been my sustaining lifeline.
Boundaries give my, the sustainment of boundaries, how they sustain me is the reason why I'm able
to walk in purpose, walk in honor, walk in integrity.
That's what boundaries do for you.
Okay.
Because boundaries partner with wisdom, not with fear.
Boundaries have no relationship with walls, even though very closely related.
Okay.
So how do I define boundaries?
How do they define?
They define us because they help us with who we are
and who we are not.
Boundaries always define who you are and who you are not.
This is where it gets tricky, because one
of the enemies of boundaries, or one of the things that
come to destroy boundaries, is when you don't know who you are
and who you are not.
And if we struggle with who we are and who we are not,
we without, with default, will struggle with boundaries.
If you don't have anything to keep safe,
you don't see a need for boundaries,
because you don't value what you have.
And so if you had a house full of treasure
and you didn't value it, you'll open the door
to let anybody come in.
But if you knew you had a treasure in,
you're going to guard your door.
You're going to guard your gate.
And you're not going to let anybody come in and come out.
And what happens is, when we are struggling with our identity
of what's valuable about us, what's worthy about us,
sometimes, by default, there is no boundary,
because we don't know we have something to protect.
For years, I didn't know I had something to protect.
I didn't know I had anything valuable.
So there wasn't even a gate.
You just go in and out, in and out, in and out,
because I didn't know my value.
I didn't know my worth.
And then I have an understanding.
But when you find out the jewel and the treasures that
live on the inside of you, when you develop yourself and build
capacity, there is no way you will exchange
what you have for pennies.
You won't exchange your dignity, because it costs you too much.
And sometimes, we have to evaluate who we are
and what we carry.
Then that, by default, creates a boundary.
Let me give you an example.
I can't give you all my time if I need my time to go to work,
if I need my time to do ministry,
if I need my time to do this.
Or I can't stay up all night on the phone with you,
because I get up at 3.20 in the morning.
How am I going to stay up on the phone with you till 12 o'clock?
Do you understand?
Because I have a 3.20 appointment in the morning.
By default, I have to hang up from you.
So that boundary protects me.
It protects my time.
And that's how boundaries work in your favor.
They don't work against people before they work for you.
And if a boundary is not working for you,
it's because you not put one in place,
because you don't know that you have something to guard.
You don't know that your time is valuable.
So you'll release your time out and then have resentment
later on, because they didn't stop.
They didn't stop talking.
They kept pushing.
But you blame them and not understand
that boundaries are for you first,
and they come to serve you.
Are we together?
Yeah.
All right.
Boundaries also define what we own and what we don't own.
What do I mean by that?
What's my responsibility, and what's your responsibility?
When there's a lack of boundaries,
I get confused about who owns what.
So you ignore me, and I say, what did I do wrong?
That doesn't belong to me.
That belongs to you.
You didn't talk to me the next day.
And so a part of me says, if you're not
honoring of my presence, of my time, and then you know what?
Oh, let me keep that to myself until you
come to a place of honor.
Who honored me first, though?
Was it them or me?
It was me.
See, boundaries serve you before they serve someone else.
All right?
Boundaries also define what we like and what we don't like.
It gives clarity on what is our responsibility
versus what is someone else's.
What you like, what you don't like,
and how are we going to work all of that in between.
Boundaries protect.
Boundaries protect what is important to you.
Boundaries protect what you hold value to.
We just talked about that, what is valuable to you.
Some of us who have children can relate to this.
You will guard your children with all diligence.
A mama bear will come out and tackle you down
about her children.
That's a boundary.
You ain't going to mess with my babies.
Right?
So if you have a problem with connecting,
something like that, you value them.
And so somebody is not going to have
their way with your children.
Boundaries protect your.
time and resources, meaning your capacity.
And so if you've struggled with someone using up your time
or things taking your time, and now you
don't have time to take care of you,
that means that there's not a boundary there
to protect your time, your resources, and your capacity.
That also means that there is somewhere just a wee bit off
about your level of capacity and what you can handle, OK?
And then boundaries also protect your well-being and safety,
your emotional well-being, your physical well-being,
your mental well-being.
You can, in life, deal with some people
who will almost mess your mind up
if you keep talking to them.
They are confused.
They are frustrating.
And sometimes you just keep talking to them
and keep talking to them when you
don't realize that your relationship will
be so much more beautiful if you just had a boundary.
There's this book called Keeping Your Love On by Danny Silk.
And I don't know if anybody read it.
If you have, just give me a wave or a hand.
It is one of the most brilliant books I've ever read.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
It changed my life.
And it talks about keeping your love on.
You keep your love on by setting boundaries
so that I can love you.
I'm just on this side of the fence.
I see you, Joanne, and you're on that side of the fence.
That fence is a boundary.
It's not a wall.
Keeping Your Love On by Danny Silk.
All right, boundaries create, improve, and sustain.
Boundaries create, improve, and sustain.
They create emotional safety, stability,
and overall sense of well-being.
They let what is healthy in and keep what is healthy out.
Boundaries improve the quality of relationships
and lead to healthy relationships
even when conflict and challenges arise or exist.
That's what boundaries do for you.
They pack major benefits.
So one of the things we talk about a lot
here is some of the boundaries that you
get in the Boundary 101.
And we talk about what type of boundaries
you should have when you first start
getting to know someone, when you first start dating them.
And three of the boundaries that we hold fast to
and you can do research on is true worldwide,
not just for this program.
Physical intimacy, emotional intimacy,
and spiritual intimacy.
Those are boundaries that must be held with allegiance.
Why?
Because when you start all this spiritual talking
about Bible and Bible studies and prayer
and going to church with somebody that you don't know,
that in your fantasized mind that you believe you do know,
but you've only been known seven days, 14 days, three weeks.
When you like somebody, time just, I don't know.
It feels like the more you talk, the more you know them.
But I'm here to tell you that you don't know them.
And so you start talking these spiritual things
and it makes you believe you know a person more than you do
and you really don't know them.
And so yeah, they may be, in your opinion,
even though you don't really know them, this wonderful man
of God, but you haven't known them enough to test the fruit.
You haven't known them to observe them.
And so you think all about the spirit, you know them,
but you're not gonna live with the spirit.
You're gonna live with a man.
If he don't know how to communicate, you got a problem.
If he doesn't have honor and integrity, you have a problem.
There are many men and women who get up
and preach wonderful sermons.
They lay hands on the sick and they recover
and their marriages are in shambles
and they don't know how to do relationship
and they don't pay their bills
and they're not honorable or integrous
or good stewards of what they have
and it doesn't change the anointing that is on their life.
But when you believe that because someone shines
and sparkles that that is the fullness of a person,
it is just not true.
And so a boundary tells you, it gives you wisdom
and says it takes time to know a person.
And so then when everything starts to fall apart
or they actually show up as a real person
and not the fantasy in your mind,
you won't say they tricked you, they did not trick you.
Because if you do your due diligence
and pace and operate within boundaries,
you will get to know them for yourself
and make your own decisions.
And so when things start kind of like,
you can say, I still know you, I know you,
what do we need to do to work on this?
But if you're not giving it enough time,
what you do find out in the second month
or the third month, probably who they are.
The fantasy has just lifted.
All of the, you know, the stuff we feel ladies,
you know, don't leave me out here to hang dry.
You get to a man, you like it,
just something has been so quick on the inside.
feel so good. And you're like, I got him. And he's like, Oh no.
And so we're not operating in boundaries and we're not guarding
our heart with all diligence. And so, um, boundaries, what,
what does it require for us to be successful with boundaries?
Well, what do boundaries require to be successful? Boundaries
require enforcement and accountability. Enforcement and
accountability. Now, this is where the problem is going to
come in. It is hard to hold somebody accountable when you
don't hold yourself accountable. If you yourself don't submit to
boundaries, then you're not going to be able to carry this
thing out because first you must submit to order. First, you
must submit to wisdom. You have to decide that there's a higher
and greater authority besides you. You have to know within
yourself that you could be in your feelings. You could be
fantasizing. You could be romanticizing. You could be
going by what just feels good and say, I will submit myself
to wisdom. Because ladies, none of us will be in this program if
our way worked. And so when a new way hits your doorstep,
welcoming with open arms and embrace it and submit yourself
to the order. Because when you submit yourself to the order,
you by default are operating within boundaries that you
yourself submit to. See, when we submit to boundaries, we don't
have a problem with the people coming into our life submitting
to our boundaries, because we already operate in order. We
already operate within boundaries. Are you guys with
me? Are we tracking? I hope this is making sense and it's good to
you. It's so good to me. This stuff changed my life. I am
telling you, I will be a poster girl all across the world.
Submitting to boundaries for your absolute self is the
greatest plan that you can have. Because if you don't value
wisdom, and you don't value boundaries, you are a gate
without hinges. And it's only a matter of time before you find
yourself in the same place you've always been. Okay, order
starts at home first. It can't start with somebody else. And so
this demand that we have that a man be A, B, C, D, E, F, G, and
you are not A, B, or C. The idea that if they just become, you'll
be safe enough to be I don't know who, you're gonna be you.
The same one doesn't have boundaries or like nothing
guarding you, you're gonna show up the same way and it's still
going to be a hot mess expressed. All right. Boundaries
are not walled, forgated fences. We talked about that with
multiple layers. What do I mean by multiple layers? If you drew
a circle, every person that comes into your life has a
place. And so that will look like this. If I'm in the center,
there are lines all around, I'm gonna show it to you. Oh, I
think this light is stopping our program. Can y'all see that?
No. A little bit. Somewhat. Let me try this. Oh, yeah, I get a
thumbs up. In the middle is me. Okay. Out here goes the man I
met on out here somewhere is the man I met on the dating app. He
didn't get a seat at the table of my heart. Depending on what
people been in your life, some people have their children here,
their mother, their father, but if there's been a lot of
brokenness and a hurt here, they don't even sit there. Inside of
this circle here is me and God. All right, whoever comes here,
the man from a TV, the man from the app, he by pacing a
relationship gets to move to this line first, not up in here.
You start kissing he up in here, too close to your heart. You
start breaking those spiritual walls. Well, I'm just spiritual.
And we just gonna talk about the Lord. Because this is what's
important to me. He up in here. You don't find yourself in
trouble. Okay, I'm not gonna waste my time. I'm getting to
the bottom of this. All right. You missed this journey from
here to here and you're growing and learning about yourself.
That's what this space is all about right here. People get to
advance as they show that they are good stewards of their own
heart first. Not of your heart. Nobody can steward your heart
unless they first do it their own heart. And anybody who's
ever steward their heart is not going to sign up to steward your
heart. Because everybody has a responsibility to steward their
own heart. There's nobody else's responsibility. You give your
heart to God, he teaches you how to lend it out.
into who because he knows a person you only know so much of a person as to what they will let you
see okay are we all together yeah good and so um always watch how someone else stewards their time
how they steward their heart and what they value not to look for a red flag but that tells you
about a person just like when a man talks to you and if he gets to make a few sexual comments you
don't say anything that tells him something about you and he knows it if you've ever talked to a
man then they'll push it a little bit more then they'll push it a little bit more and they'll
keep pushing and first time you say well i let it slide i didn't say nothing about it but he's
actually testing your boundary that's what's happening he's testing how far can he go and so
that's kind of like in every area of it like have you ever talked to somebody on the phone
and you'd be like well i gotta go and they'd be like okay let me just tell you one more thing
and you'd be like uh-huh okay it was okay girl let me get out this phone oh one more thing
who's ever experienced that before that's called not honoring your your space
that don't mean that they're a bad person you just haven't told them that you have that this is the
end of the conversation they're your friend they're your best friend they could be your mama your
brother don't make them a bad person they're just not honoring the time that you don't honor
what you do for yourself others will willingly do because that's the only person they know you to be
that's all they know as far as they're concerned that's who you are
you know how you kind of be like i gotta get a new outfit for this event and i used to tell
people do people ain't never seen you before as far as they know that's a new outfit that's all
they know they ain't never seen you before so um yeah i i hope that hits home okay
uh i said this boundary enforcement is most challenging when we ourselves don't practice
submitting to boundaries in our own life first we got that i won't require someone else what i'm not
required of myself that's true you act it out that's a behavior you will not require someone
else which you do not require yourself the more requirements you have from you the more you're
going to require of people and you're not going to have to use your mouth to verbalize
because it's already required of you you already draw the lines okay i'm gonna speed up when did i
first learn boundaries this is important it didn't happen when you just turn this age out i don't want
you to beat yourself up like oh i need to get so much better at this we do need to grow but boundaries
are forming in um infancy boundaries are formed when when you literally when you're a baby
and there's whenever there are cracks and holes that's when you're going to have an issue with
boundaries so holes are things that you should have received but you didn't get
like love affection attention protection those are the things you get from your parents
cracks are formed when we when things happen that harmed you like what abuse mental abuse physical
abuse sexual abuse abandonment rejection isolation you name it those are the cracks
and when these things happen you tend to operate without boundaries so you either go overboard
and you don't know no boy right there's nothing or it's overboard because there's
some cracks and holes there and something speaks to you and say you're not worthy of goodness
right i don't deserve it you don't think it it lives in you do you understand it lives in you
and you operate through and it shows up in the way you won't set boundaries about something um
so i'll hold that example um and so because boundaries are building blocks
the cracks and the holes are a really big deal
because remember it happens in you first before you give it out to anybody else and so what we
have to do is address those areas because they will sabotage our our efforts in setting boundaries
in setting boundaries we have to address those heart wounds in those places where we don't feel
worthy of love we don't feel deserving and this creates scarcity mindset and whenever there's a
scarcity mindset you will not hold the boundary i don't care what your mind knows something in
your heart is telling you i better hold on to this i better not be so hard what if i lose it all well
if i don't say nothing back tonight they may not say nothing else to me i mean i better hear up
and respond to them
Who's ever experienced those rushing thoughts like that?
What should I do?
Should I pick this one?
He liked me back.
I don't know if I should.
I don't know.
Maybe what if he is the one and I didn't like him back, but I'm really not sure I want a
little more time.
Isn't where I can skip and go past it and you believe that you're going to lose something
if you don't select like on this person that liked you back.
When you start hearing those thoughts invade you and they rush you like they are rushing,
you will know them when you hear them because they come in strong.
That is a scarcity mindset.
When you feel like you're going to lose, if you tell a person, no, what if they could
be the one as if the one could be missed, but we only believe the one could be missed
when we really don't believe that we're partnering with a guy who has our best interests in mind
because we feel like we've been overlooked so much in life.
Right?
And so the whole system is kind of broken there, but it starts with you.
It's nobody else.
It's you.
It's something broken happening, going on in the inside.
And that's what we want to get to the bottom of it.
So when you hear it, don't suppress it.
Don't kick it out.
Don't act like it's not talking to you.
It's talking to you and it's talking from within.
Now you can't kick it out.
No, no, we could kick it out and say, oh, that's a lie.
I wasn't talking about that.
I'm saying kick it out like it's not there.
It's not happening because you're going to live it out.
And so if you don't deal with it, it's going to deal with you.
There are a lot of times I say, hey, something has come to wrestle with me.
Now when I say something has come to wrestle with me, that means it came to pick a fight
with me, but I'm not fighting with it.
Because a lot of times when you ladies have gone through the hard work, the things you
struggle with, you don't struggle with anymore, but you think because it shows up at your
door, you're struggling with it.
No, I came to pick a fight with you.
Close the door.
You're not struggling with that thing.
That thing has come to struggle with you.
And we have to be diligent to know when something has come to pick a fight with us, when
something has come to struggle with us.
It is not your struggle.
It showed up to struggle with you and you don't have to do the struggle.
All right.
And so some of the other things that may lead to cracks and holes when we talk about the
and we'll have more time to talk about this, ladies, we'll have plenty more time to discuss
these things.
And you can ask questions throughout the week if you have them.
But when we have unhealthy parents.
So if you had a parent who was over controlling, if you had a parent who had no limits, maybe
you had a parent who was inconsistent.
Maybe your parents got divorced.
You had one set over here, one order over here.
Maybe your mom was like my mom.
I had to walk on eggshells.
Right.
She raised us to be very codependent.
You should because I did.
And if I did this, you should do that.
And I never knew when somebody was going to blow up on me.
She's very passive and aggressive in her passiveness.
And so all of that shapes you and it shapes your boundaries and it tells you your value
and worth.
And that's why I work all the time.
If somebody works all the time, by default, it tells a child, I must not be important
enough.
I must not be worthy of their love and attention.
You don't think it when you're a child, but it sends the message to you that if I were
valuable enough, they would be here.
That's the mind of a child and you can logic, you can logic when you get to be an adult,
but it doesn't change what the child experience and you live from that part.
You live from that place.
Right.
And so we're going to do a breakout session.
And the reason why you can ask me any question you want, but I hope that this was clear and
that we kind of made it through it.
Okay, Rhonda.
So glad you were here.
I hope it was helpful for you.
But we want to, we talked about the three boundaries that we have at LYS that work to
serve you and guard your heart with all diligence.
These are guardrails for you, all right, to grow in a very healthy way.
So we, we did Mitchell with physical boundaries, no physical intimacy in their early stages
of dating.
Okay.
We want to have public dates.
You do not want to get in a man's car, go home with somebody you don't know.
You don't know them because you text and talk to them every day, drive your own car, it'll
get you where you need to go.
Take an Uber.
It's okay.
Okay.
If you married a man, you have a lifetime to ride in the car with him and get mad about
how fast he's going and how he's driving and tell him what to do because it's coming.
Most women cannot help themselves from trying to tell somebody else what to do and how to
drive.
Now they don't want to do it, but they won't tell him what to do.
You're going to have time for this, lady.
Chill.
Emotional boundaries, oh, going to a man's home
or having him at your home,
we have had a lot of things to happen to women.
And I'm telling you, wouldn't that be pleasing to your ears
to hear some of the things that have happened
to women who do this.
Don't practice that.
It is not safe, it is not healthy.
You do not bring someone in your home
or you go in their home
because you think you wanna just hang out
and everything is okay and you know them.
You do not know them.
If you ever need a reminder,
hear me in your head, you do not know them.
You don't, you don't know.
And you can't tell me that you do because you don't, okay?
All right, emotional boundaries.
Practice not exchanging highly personal
or intimate details about your life.
Save your wisdom.
You know, the scripture says,
don't spill your pearl before swine
because they will trample it.
Save your wisdom for your community,
to people who value you and honor you and cherish you
and will actually use what you're giving now.
And then spiritual boundaries.
We talk about this,
refrain from reading the Bible together, praying together,
visiting each other's churches
until you're more acquainted with that individual.
Because a lot of women have romanticized or fantasized
the day when they get a man
who would just read the Bible with them,
who would do devotion with them,
who will go to church with them.
And I am telling you, something is activating you
that you're unaware of the moment they do it.
Yeah, after two months is good.
But basically when you go exclusive,
maybe if you go exclusive, don't go exclusive in one month.
Jackie encourages you to go exclusive,
60 days at the earliest, 90 days at the latest.
And so, or you do the same kind of ministry
and all this stuff,
and then you can spend your time talking about ministry
and you find out a two weeks later,
they're boring because you don't know nothing about them.
I literally had somebody who was telling me stuff.
They was like, Ebony, I mean, we're both in prophecy,
ministry, we're both in this, but he's boring.
I said, he's not boring.
You spent your first two weeks talking about church stuff
and ministry stuff and service stuff
and all your revelations and everything God told you.
And now you don't even know nothing about them.
You don't know what makes them laugh.
You don't know what make you laugh.
Y'all sit at dinner.
You could have been having fun,
but you were talking about prophecies.
You didn't have to talk about that.
You could ask him what superhero would he like to be?
You didn't have to do that.
Talk to you about the order of getting to know a person.
And so you'll find that y'all jam on certain things,
but your wisdom, because you're under coaches,
you're in a program, start to pull back.
Maybe you got excited the first week, but just shift it.
Just start shifting it.
Remember you, that's a person.
Outside of all that, there's still a person,
just like you are.
All right, so we're gonna go into a breakout session.
And I'm gonna put this in the chat
because this is what you ladies
are going to discuss with each other.
Let me copy and paste it and put it in there.
So we are going to answer a question
and we're gonna read the question,
pick our question that we wanna answer.
And I'm giving you a prompt, a writing prompt
or a sentence stamp to use to answer it.
Let's see.
Here we go.
All right, it's about to come in the chat.
And then once it gets in there, okay.
I want you to take a few seconds
and ask yourself this first.
Am I someone who has very little boundaries?
Example, I keep the gate to my yard open
or who has a fence in their yard?
Are you an open fence, open yard or open fence?
So are you someone that has very little boundaries?
You find that people may run over you,
you don't know how to tell somebody no,
you don't know how to stop conversations, okay.
Or are you someone who has a lot of boundaries?
You have a wall around your yard
and it's like four knots up in there.
You need high security clearance to get in.
Pick which one you are.
Go ahead and pick that now.
Are you no walls or overboard?
Have we selected?
Give me a thumb.
You could be a little bit of both
depending on the area too, right?
Depending on how close they get to you.
They start getting a little bit closer to your heart
and you like them a little bit, baby,
you blow it up like, wait a minute.
I don't even really think I like them anymore.
All right, thank you, all right.
Now I want you to choose one of these questions
to respond to.
Wait a minute.
Did we copy paste all of this?
Let's see, I had too much going on.
It's not all there, ladies.
Give me an opportunity here.
All right.
So, this first one I'm going to put in is for ladies who struggle to set boundaries.
This is for those right here who struggle to set the boundaries.
Here are your options to choose from.
What in the world?
Sorry.
Is it coming in or no?
No?
I don't see it.
Even when I did it the old-fashioned way, all right, listen to me.
Those who struggle to set boundaries, I want you to choose between one of these questions
that you're going to respond to, okay?
Where do I overgive in a relationship or dating?
It could be yours.
Where do I overgive in a relationship or dating?
Next one is, where do I feel resentment in my life?
Where do I feel resentment in my life?
And then the last one you can choose from is, what behavior do I tolerate that I do
not like?
What am I tolerating that I do not like?
Okay, now these next set of questions were people who struggle setting rigid boundaries.
If you struggle, like you four knocks up around here.
When somebody say something about boundaries, you tell them, I got you.
I got my boundaries.
Where do I keep people at a distance even when I desire connection?
The next one is, what do I avoid sharing that might actually deepen trust?
What do you avoid sharing that may deepen trust with people?
Where do I use independence or being fine to avoid needing others?
You want to avoid needing the others.
So you say, I got it.
I don't need no help.
I don't need nobody to do nothing for me.
And then the last one you can choose from is, what boundary might I be using to protect
myself from vulnerability rather than harm?
So you put this boundary up, but it's actually protecting you from being vulnerable, not
harm.
And you kind of know it, okay?
Once you select that, this is your prompt, and I'm going to give you an example in just
a little while.
This is the writing prompt.
A boundary I need, but don't currently enforce in this area is.
So you're going to find out the boundary you need in this area that you don't currently
enforce.
Are we all together on this?
Does it make sense or not?
Yeah.
Okay.
Then you're right in front of me.
So you're going to have to say yes or no.
Okay.
Thank you.
All right.
So I'm going to give you some examples while you process.
Oh, and those of you who struggle with too many boundaries, this is your writing prompt.
I am sorry about that.
A boundary I may be over-enforcing in this area, and a healthier boundary might look
like.
Okay.
Here's some of the ones I did.
I over-give in my relationships.
These are examples for you.
I over-give in my relationships by not honoring my own time constraints.
What will your prompt, the answer look like when you go, this is going to be your answer
when you go into the breakout room with the ladies.
A boundary I need, but don't currently enforce in this area is telling someone I do not have
the time and stopping appropriately.
You know who struggles with this in one particular area, me, when we're supposed to end the coaching
call and I'm still talking, hey, that's what I'm talking about.
I'm like, I just really want to, I just really want to hear what they have to say, but I'm
getting better.
Starting tonight.
All right.
I feel resented in my life, in the area of my eating choices or how I will allow people
to speak to me or how I speak about myself, a boundary I need, but don't be.
currently in force is telling myself the truth about who Christ says I am.
A boundary I need to enforce that I'm not is not running to food for emotional support
or my safe place. Okay. I use this for the other one. I use independence as a way to avoid needing
people by telling myself I don't want help. Even when I feel overwhelmed, I tend to handle
everything on my own and withdraw when I'm stressed. A boundary I may be over-enforcing
in this area is refusing support so I don't feel vulnerable or like a burden.
A healthier boundary might look like asking for help in one small way and allowing someone to
show up for me without immediately pulling back. Another one. I sometimes use high standards as a
way to keep people from getting too close. If someone doesn't meet every expectation, I quickly
disengage. A boundary I may be over-enforcing is leaving before there's space for growth in
conversation. A healthier boundary may look like allowing curiosity and communication before
deciding to pull away. How does that sound?
Go ahead and make your choice. Create your feeling, your sentence stem, because when you get in the
room, you're only going to have about one minute and 10 seconds each to share. So you want a time.
You don't want to overshare. Okay? You want a time and you don't want to overshare. Are we
ready for the breakout room? Yeah? I see a thumbs up. All right. I'm going to put you in the breakout
room and I want you guys to try to be transparent and vulnerable and know that a boundary you create
that you can create can help the next person. And so we have about 40 people. I want two people to
a room. Two to three? No. Two to three? No. 16, 17, 19, 20. We have 40 people with 20 rooms. There's
two people to a room. I can't do that. Okay. We'll only do one to two people to a room. We need two
to three. So let's stick with the 90 seconds each of your three to a room, even if you're two to a
room. And then I will be back to see you in about, let's see, three, three, two, two, three. Yep.
I'll come back to get you in about seven minutes. 90, 90, one, two, three, four,
one, two, three. About five minutes. Sounds good? Yeah. Yeah. All right.
Pamela, you didn't make it. Did you make it to a room, Pamela?
I was trying to join the Zoom and then it said deleted. And then when I was trying to go back
to look at it, it wasn't there. So I apologize if that's what happened. Are you talking about
on the wall? Yeah, on the wall. So when I went in there to try to get on the Zoom,
it said post deleted. And I know that I was on that page where the activation was at
the last one. Did I delete it? Oh no, I deleted it. Oh, you deleted it. Oh, okay. Nevermind.
I deleted it. It got done kind of early. I deleted it before I came in into the session.
It usually is not posted to app. Mika. Hey girl. Hey there. Missed you.
I missed you too, honey. What you been hiding out in the woods somewhere?
There's a lot been going on, girl, but it's good to be back. I miss your sense of humor.
Oh, I missed you, honey. I missed you. All right. These cameras are on. Now I get to see faces. I'm
like, there's Gail. There's Audrey. Did you ladies enjoy that? Yes. No. Yeah. Yeah. Good.
I know that. Hey, Shelly. So good to see you. I didn't know you were in the room. Hey, Sarah.
Sarah, I missed you. We are
We're wanting to get you all to connect a lot more with each other, and it helps to talk to each
other, to grow from each other. And so I know it feels like, oh wow, she spent all of her time
teaching, and I have a question, and I get it. But you're going to have more questions if you
don't get teaching, because you're struggling. Because you're struggling because you don't have
the equipping that you need, the tools that you need. And so this is a part of it. And so
they will become minimized, but some things just take some time to work our way through.
And so do we have any questions, any aha moments that any of you ladies had
from this breakout room? Please unmute and just go for it. I want to hear some feedback.
Well, I was sharing, my mom was in the ICU yesterday. This actually happened yesterday.
And there's a friend that I've actually, she actually got, I had to shift her to the outer
circle of that whole thing. And she's been, like friends, we've been friends for 20 years,
but there was a miscommunication and misunderstanding that happened that kind of
unveiled that I was sharing my heart. I was friends close with her just because she had
longevity and time in relationship with me. And we were growing, but unfortunately,
when I was doing my hard work, it started uncovering the dynamic that I was creating,
which wasn't healthy. It wasn't healthy where I'm giving more and she's kind of taking.
And that also pours out into my dating situation too. But long story short, it's always a situation
where she's saying all this stuff, but she's not doing her own hard work or getting therapy or
coaching or nothing. And so it puts me in a situation where I feel like I'm being kind of
used. And then when I exhibit imperfection or flaws, she goes in a hissy fit and I feel like
rejection. So this was throughout the course of us trying to kind of like mend or just kind of
like forgive and release each other, but like kind of can reconnect. So that's the backstory.
But backstory, she called. And so I was on the phone with her for 10 minutes and I'm like telling
myself, I'm not going to let her hold me on the phone. I'm not going to let her hold me on the
phone for more than 30 minutes. But I felt like I didn't have a choice. And then this whole time for
20 minutes, she didn't know my mom was in ICU. I get to the parking lot. I tell her, I'm like,
you know, my mom's, my mom, I'm in the parking lot. My mom's in ICU. I need to go in there right
now. And she proceeded to keep going. And I was like, you know, I'm going to pray us out.
So I prayed us out and she used prayer to pull me back in. I was like, wait a minute, what just
happened? So I ended up being on the phone for a full hour. I can't blame her because that's
victim mentality. That's what I learned from the hard work. But I just said, how was I functioning
like that in a friendship like that for 20 years where I identified as a friend? Yeah. As a bestie,
I got used to that behavior. That's a normal for her. That's a normal. And I was just like, wow,
she doesn't have capacity to care about me as much as I had thought she did in the past.
So what I need to work on, what we shared about was me working on setting a time at the very
beginning. I only have 15 minutes. I only have 10 minutes and doing it on my terms, not hers.
If it doesn't work for my terms, I don't need to do wiggle room with her, especially because she
has low capacity for what I need to help me get my needs met too. It's really about her.
Right. That's so good. That's good. That's really good. And I think that really does touch on one
of the things we said, like people don't honor about you what you don't honor for yourself first.
So it's really not, yeah, I can't blame her. I'm owning it, but I mean, just being transparent
that that literally just happened. So that's how that works.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Anybody else? Rosanna.
Hi, I'll lower my hand. Hey, I noticed that I have grown to see where I've grown in my boundaries,
but I was the typical boundary-less person because I would just give and pour to the point of so much
loyalty that I forgot myself, even so in my marriage to my late husband. And so I've now
learned quite a bit. The hard work has been tremendous for me. And I'm actually really
excited for the phase two. I actually want to get back on the apps and I'm actually going
out tomorrow with a guy that I had met over the summer. And it's just been a very slow progress
of us because we're both single parents and very busy. And so our dates have been
almost like once a month or something, like just trying to do it. And so I'm looking forward to
that, but I am a different person. I'm a different person. I'm a different person.
Woman now since I've done the heart work. I last I saw him I think was October. So we're doing that
So I'm interested to see where the boundaries are gonna go
Now because I did I mean we did exchange a kiss on the cheek and a hug
But I I will now say I'm like, well if her friends like I don't do this with other friends
So I'm gonna have to like put a limit on this
Even though it feels great, you know
and he's been respectful with other stuff because I even set this boundary on the
Third date with him. I was like, I will not I will not be kissing you
I was like you can give me a kiss on the cheek or the forehead. That's fine
I'm I can I will accept that but I will not be giving that to you and do not do that to me like on
My lips that is not allowed and he told me he's like I want to do that
But I am NOT I respect what you are saying and I'm not going so I was very I've become
Even before I came to do the heart work. The Lord was already doing a lot of stuff
in me
Prior to that and I feel like he's just confirming it with LYS
I was like
I've already done some of the things that you have asked that you guys have asked of me or she has asked of me in
The program but it's beautiful because now I can reiterate what I had learned previously and now I'm applying it more so
So I guess I'm just trying to figure out
The boundaries of not over sharing when I'm on it on a date with someone
I don't even know right or like
What do I do with this guy because this is what I'm gonna be our sixth date
We knew each other from high school. And so 25 years like we connected. So like I'm just trying to figure out I
See where I have grown
But I don't want to go back to that. So what are your suggestions for that? Or how do we how does that work?
Yes
so the scripture says then we the Bible says in the book of James if any man lack wisdom let him acts of the Lord and
He will give it to him liberally and without reproach meaning he won't reproach you for to make you feel bad
He will pour it out on you
And so when we find that we don't understand how not to share too much
What's really happening is we not we're not operating in wisdom
and so what you want to do is ask wisdom to come in and govern your life and
Tell Holy Spirit to at the slightest of his turn you'll close your mouth
And so you want to begin to listen to the Spirit and if you if you're not in tune with the Holy Spirit like that
Okay, listen to wisdom X wisdom to guide you and if you will restrain yourself if you will slow down enough
You'll be able to catch things as you talk. Okay, and so
And you want to to find some go on Google and ask for some talking prompts
Sometimes we don't know what else to talk about. You feel like oh, we've been talking about this talking about this
Well, just there's a natural progression that happens when you get to know a person. That's true
You're the second month or you're four weeks in you're gonna be talking about some different that you were talking about in week one
That's a natural progression of getting to know a person if you find also that you just you
You're over still over talking after you try these things that you need to talk less
Mm-hmm
These are talk less at 30 minutes cut the conversation out because you know at some point you go overboard
And then you have a vulnerability hangover when you get out the phone like did I really say that was it really necessary
Right. Oh, we shouldn't have been talking about that
you know so quickly when you feel a prompting or moving on the inside of you stop and
Then cut the time stop talking every day talk every other day and when you talk every day every other day
What is the root of oversharing the root of oversharing is the lack of wisdom?
Mm-hmm. Okay. I
Know that you know, it's a lack of wisdom. I'm sorry. I was answering a
Question in the chat. No, that's great. I'm thankful. Oh, yeah. Yeah oversharing. Oh, it is a lack of wisdom and
In another thing when you don't have a lot of community you will overshare with one person
So let me give you an example. Let's see
I'll pick somebody. I know Sarah won't be offended if I use her for an example. Let's say Sarah got thanks got in this video
And she took up 20 minutes talking. I already know Sarah didn't have anybody else to share with
Because she's not aware of how much she's talking
and
her unawareness tells me she has nowhere else to give this to and
So when she gets around ladies and she feels safe
She pours it and pours it and pours it and pours it so much that she's not
Cognizant of how much time she's taken up from other people
and
So a lot of times we are over share with one particular person or one
Whatever area you're in or get to work and just share all this stuff and it's like what I even tell them all this because you
Don't have any other outlets when you have more outlets
What you share with who becomes a taper if you notice
have some friends you'll share one thing with this friend but you won't share that part with that
friend you'll share that with the other friend every friend has a place that you share certain
things with that make does it make sense and so that's the same thing that happens and so um when
you find yourself over sharing x where do i need more community and who do i actually need to share
this with and sometimes you might say oh why don't you share with god but um that don't always work
out that way it sounds spiritual sound good but god shows up in people he shows up in people you
need community pretty good night i miss you it's not even our bedtime yet um give me one second
rose and come on camera and say hey before you go so i can see your face and you say hi at the
same time are you still here you don't did you get back yes i just got back last week oh all
right well get some rest so it is it is minus 22 or something like that here so cold minus 22
degrees celsius yes if minus 22 don't make you want a man i don't know what we are
it's very cold a bad dog all right see you good night i'll watch i'll watch the recording
see you all right all right good night but yeah so rosanna a lot of those things and so
you want to find other places to pour into so that you can govern every place that you pour into will
was that helpful yes it is i just talk a lot in general um i've always gotten
trouble for talking in school and now i'm a teacher so yeah i'm a teacher too i talk a lot
but there's a difference between talking a lot and sharing things that shouldn't be shared in
places that it shouldn't be shared like sharing things with people who don't even have the
capacity for it sharing things with people who can't sharpen you and pour back into you that's
that's wisdom and it comes with awareness of self and because you have done so much hard work you
have an awareness you just have to tap into it and so i talk i can talk a lot but i'm not going
to talk about things that are alive within the treasures of my heart i'm not giving anybody the
treasures of my heart i value the treasures of my heart i don't give everybody wisdom i may coach you
but i don't coach everybody i run into and when i do find myself in coach mode when i should have
been i can feel the sting of it i was like they didn't give you authority in their life ebony
why are you trying to coach them people don't know you you have no seat of authority there
they shouldn't have so i just had to train myself and i encourage you to train yourself
all of us train yourself in order and wisdom yeah thank you you're welcome so good anybody
else want to share sure go for it nancy
oh i thought i was muted i don't have anything there
i thought about that afterwards i thought that she thought she was muted
all right who has for our last you know for our last um um few minutes i'm gonna go to 8 30
um because we did have a coaching so please put your hand up if you have a coaching question
and lead out with the question and then let me fill in from there
so in case anybody else wants to go no coaching questions
okay see i know um my friend nadine she she get the one o'clock scoop so she already have
her stuff done i thank you ladies for sharing more on the oh here we go i don't know who came
first because i was slipping through the pages but i see susan damarius hamlet and gail whichever
order you came in go for it yeah i saw that sarah went before i start but it wasn't enough time but
i did see your post and i'll get to i'll check it out tomorrow for sure all right go whoever went
first i didn't see the hands come up when i came back to this page they were already there was it
you susan anybody go no i think it was actually one of the other ladies i think i was up third but
so someone else can go uh it might have been me i'm not sure but um okay so the coaching question
um yes i've been an overshare but what if i find that this has been
a problem for me to navigate like what if the other person is totally oversharing i know that
it's like deep like trauma stuff like inappropriate stuff that early
Well, I didn't know that back then.
I know that now through y'all's teaching, through heart work, like, I've learned that
now that that is not a healthy thing for someone else to do, but I've recognized that what
someone else, when they started oversharing, it like, it literally like, on my inside,
it like opened the floodgates.
I was like, oh, they're sharing, I'm just going to share too.
And we're just going to talk over each other, you know, so what, obviously now I recognize,
but what do you have to say about guarding against that?
How can you guard against that?
Hmm.
Let me look it up and see.
That's the way that I.
Oh, it makes sense.
Okay.
The reason why I'm looking up something else, because I, which everybody may not, you may
not operate this way.
I set laws in my life and I put myself under it, or I set rules and boundaries or wisdom,
order and structure, and I submit myself to it.
And I keep practicing until I come under with fidelity.
And even if I, even if something pops up, it doesn't matter to me because I'm a student
and I'm practicing.
And so if you tell me that this is wisdom not to do this and then I said, oh, that makes
sense to me.
Okay.
Every time I do it, I say, Hey, Hey, Hey, you did that again.
Let's try to come under this order.
Hey, Hey, Hey, let's come under this order.
So one thing that I did, I can remember now that I started out, I remember when I would
get on the phone with a person.
You know, have you ever gotten on the phone with a person and dumped, you just start dumping?
They'd be like, Hey, you'd be like, let me tell you what happened today.
And you just dump everything you have on that person.
Well, I started to feel what it was like to be dumped on.
And so I started making myself more conscious of dumping.
And I will say, how are you today?
So I will take a pause and I will stop myself and say, what do you have going on today?
And that will temper my anxiousness because a lot of reasons we overshare is because of
anxiousness or nervousness or loneliness, and we want to connect or we need someone
or, you know, we feel like we need someone to come in and jump in and save us.
None of these things are wrong, but these are just some of the reasons why we overshare,
right?
You're nervous, you're anxious.
You need to just get it out.
You need to just talk to somebody.
And before you know, you're, you're dumping.
And so one of the things that I used to do, Pamela, I was, I would pause and say, wait
a minute, how's your day going?
What did you do today?
Even though I'm making myself say this, it slows me down.
My nervous system begins to calm down.
And then when I say, what about you?
What's going on with you?
And I say it slow.
Well, today at work, then I'll talk, right?
But by this time, I've already paced myself.
One of the things you can also do, Pamela, is in your private time, you can process out
loud instead of inwardly.
Have you ladies ever processed so much inwardly that when it finally comes out, you didn't
even, it was in, you never got it out.
So then when it comes out, it comes out like a, like a water hole.
But some of those things you can do is journal.
Write it down.
Things change if you write down something first because you got it out.
What's the power in it?
You got it out.
Now you may be talking about, now, you may be talking about when you're sitting at dinner
with a man, would that be Pamela or is this just with anybody?
Well, yeah, if, yeah, I mean, if you notice what came to mind, that's, that's the
particular thing that I, the specific thing I'm talking about.
Yes.
So let's try this too.
This may be a formula to remember, but you can, you can write it down if you need to.
You want to pause and ask yourself, what is the purpose of this in your mind?
Why am I sharing?
These are the things that train you to stop.
These are the things that train you to know, to decipher between what is, should I share
and what should I not share?
What's leaving me vulnerable and open and what's guarding my heart without diligence.
Cause these are some of the things run like literally they run through my
mind all at the same time.
Even if I want to share a testimony, I'm selected over which one I share because
it may open me up in another way based on how they respond.
And because I'm aware of me, I have to guard my heart without diligence.
I can't have them to speak into something that is not open for people to speak into
yet.
And if you put it on the table, they have.
right to say something because you opened the door and so no matter what you're sharing
their boundaries or guidelines or wisdom in sharing that then think about the audience.
We just talked about have they earned the right to right, right, no, right, the answer
is no.
Have they earned, have they earned the right to say something in your mind and say, well
I'll share with anybody.
Well, you shouldn't because it's not wisdom.
That's right.
Some things in your testimony you will get on a platform and share it with the world
but most of the things about you, you won't.
The audience should be, when I say worthy, not like measuring a person but they should
be someone that you don't mind sharing the treasures of your heart with.
So what would this do if I share it?
Will it help to heal?
Will it help to clarify?
What's the, what would it do?
How is it serving this conversation?
Yeah, makes sense.
And so when you start operating all these different, letting these things float around,
oh, one other thing, will I feel safe after I share it?
That's huge.
Right.
Will I still feel safe with them?
How could this information be used?
Yeah.
So I think some of those things helped.
And remember, we talk about this pacing thing a lot, but sharing in layers, people.
Let's slow walk this thing.
Ain't nothing wrong with taking a cruise through the park, just slow walk some stuff.
In layers, remember layers, we're like onions, fill us back.
It's something beautiful about finding out a person, learning about a person in layers.
If you tell somebody, open and shut your whole life in one moment, that's it.
They know everything.
Now what?
Let them explore you and discover you in layers and be intentional about it because it's fun.
So I hope that helps.
That did.
And I just want to say this too, I'm not going to claim that I'm an overshare in recovery.
I'm learning.
I'm not claiming that I'm still doing that because I'm learning and healing.
I've lacked boundaries and I've lacked what Holy Spirit has shown me throughout this whole
process.
And I've been gone from these meetings for a little while and I'm trying to get back
on track with them.
But I've watched some replays and things.
And for me, like you said earlier, I didn't know that my, I knew about my worth like intellectually.
Like I'm like, yeah, well, I matter.
Of course I matter.
You know what I mean?
But it wasn't deep.
Like I didn't know about my worth and my value viscerally or spiritually, which is a journey
that, that, you know, getting close to God has taken me on or getting closer to him.
And so I lacked boundaries.
But what Holy Spirit told me was that you have knowledge, you know, you know, you know
what the, what the flags are, you know what the behavior is.
But I lacked the wisdom because I didn't have the courage and the courage, the lack of courage
was because I didn't have that spiritual and visceral worth and like knowledge of how God
sees me, you know?
And so that's something that over the last eight months, God has taken me, you know,
on that journey deeply, like painfully.
But I've, I've caught myself practicing boundaries in like little tiny ways that it'll come to
my attention.
I'll just want to use this one example because it's so like, whatever, I was at the car dealership
and this is, this is how much I'm, my personality is so agreeable.
Like and I kind of get mad at myself sometimes, but I'm trying to just use it as learning
opportunities.
The guy's like, I'm trying to schedule something for my vehicle and the guy's like, well, what,
you know, what, what day is good for you?
And I'm like, well, I don't know what day is good for you.
And he's like, you tell me.
And I'm like, I'm thinking to myself, wait, Pamela, stop it.
He, he's the employee.
He's asking you, you're the customer, you know what I mean?
And I know that seems like such a just casual, whatever example, but God, like he told me
right then and there, he was like, no, you tell him what's good for you.
You know what I mean?
So even in little things like that, I didn't realize how much.
I was just not even in simple things, you know, so that was a, that was actually a profound
lesson for me in something so simple in everyday life, you know.
For sure, yeah, that was really good.
Yeah, that's good.
Thank you for sharing Pamela.
Okay, who's next?
Go.
Oh, Damaris, they say you go.
Unmute.
Will you unmute please, Damaris?
I think I'm saying your name right.
Damaris.
Yes.
Yes, Damaris.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Well, two things.
The one thing is that I'm kind of stuck at being here in this space for, I don't know,
probably a month and a half or maybe even two, and I haven't really done anything.
One, I get, you know, stories that I have heard of people that have gone dating and
then it's like I freeze and I don't want to go dating.
It's like I, I, it's like, oh no, I, I don't even want to look at the lessons or what Jackie's
going to tell me to do because like right now I don't know, so I'm okay.
But if she tells me and then it's like, oh, and so I'm stuck.
I just don't know how to move forward.
And I know I need to move forward.
And so I just, I just need help there.
And then another thing is that today we were talking about boundaries and I know that I
don't even respect my own boundaries because I, you know, like this, being fasting and
praying for these 21 days.
And, and I tell my daughter don't come right now because I want to be like in prayer and
this and that.
And, and I think she heard that just come, just come, you know?
And, and I just don't know how to sometimes respect even my own boundaries, you know,
that I set.
But yeah, so those two things, but yeah, I'm kind of stuck.
Oh yeah.
No, we understand the stuff.
You are not the only person stuck.
And so what I want to encourage you to do is go ahead and start watching those videos
because that's going to help you get unstuck.
Jackie is going to issue on the very first video.
She's going to issue that seven day challenge.
But since you've been stuck, I understand you don't feel any pressure.
So that's a good thing, but don't feel pressured to start listening to the videos, learning
from the videos, absorbing what she's sharing.
They're short and they're powerful.
And as you start absorbing the information, it's going to help you feel more equipped.
There's something in you that doesn't feel equipped.
We don't get stuck for no reason.
There's something in you at work.
And so I want you to start listening to those videos.
Nothing's going to be asking you.
It's just actually teaching.
It's in the first video.
She talks about the seven day challenge, but you don't have to feel forced to do the seven
day challenge.
And then as you watch those videos, start coming in on the wall, your aha moments, what
you learned to define feminine is so good.
Someone just posted about how good that video was.
Rosanna, yes.
On the community.
Wow, it's so good.
I can listen to those teachings over and over and over again.
And so and I do.
And so do that.
Start coming to live live, because what happens is when you're around us talking and sharing
is spark something in you.
Okay.
It really, really does.
There are so many ladies who come to the live and they're like, I just can't do it.
I just don't want to do it.
I don't want to do it.
Don't tell me to do it.
And then they're like, okay, what do I do?
I'm ready to create my profile.
I was like, okay, let us see.
I mean, you will grow by leaps and bounds.
I have watched it over and over and over again.
So just come and hang out.
Go to the prayer calls if you can.
We go to Saturday, Sunday.
And so get those two things.
Fill yourself with the goodness of God and the truth of God and get breakthrough and
freedom.
This is about you as a whole person.
It's not just about your husband
and see when you are not equipped, then you're not even ready for the capacity that is required
for marriage.
Anyway.
Rosanna said something that was so true, and I kind of want to piggyback out with it for
a few seconds.
She said, what?
My late husband, I didn't even know how to operate in boundaries.
Look, the equipping that happens on the inside of you is necessary for marriage.
You're not going to change because you marry somebody.
If you don't know how to set boundary, you're not a set boundary then.
If you do not speak up for yourself and any other lady who's been married on here, you
know, I know you don't know how to communicate now.
Hey, you're not going to have community again.
You shut down then, you're going to shut down then.
You are the vehicle, which everything lives and grows.
And so all of these videos are created to empower you,
to impact you, and to help you transform as an individual.
That's why every time Jackie does a teaching on Saturday,
it's not about your husband, because it's about you.
And God wants to get to you.
Marriage is a light thing to the Lord, but he is after you.
So that when he put the two together,
they really can put tens of thousands to flight.
See, he's a long-term God.
He's in it for the long haul.
He lives in eternity, not on the time.
We, when we accept Christ, the Bible says
we also are eternal beings.
We live in eternity, right?
So a thousand years is a day unto the Lord,
and a day is as a thousand years.
So, all right, I don't want to start preaching,
running out of time, but I hope that helps.
That will help you get unstuck.
All right, thank you so much.
Go for it.
We're rooting for you.
You're welcome.
I will, I will.
All right.
Okay, Gail, I done cut some of your minutes short,
but that's okay.
Gail, what's going on over there?
Well, I'm not even gonna go into the individual guides
and what I'm dealing with.
I had a fourth date with Mr. Amazon,
the one I was not attracted to.
All set to tell him, you know,
this is not working, but he is the most fruitful,
kind, generous, sweet man.
I just am not physically attracted,
but he happened to, we talked for two hours,
took me out to dinner Sunday,
and he ended up saying,
hey, what are you really, what's fun for you?
And I said, well, I love to dance.
I love to dance.
I never had anybody to dance with, you know.
I take ballroom dancing classes
and I dance with the instructors, you know.
And he goes, are you kidding?
I've been taking dancing lessons for about a year.
Would you be my partner?
So how can I say, go away?
So it's, I guess he's growing on me.
Oh, Gail, you're growing, a good man will grow on you.
But I'm not like, it's not full board, it's like a slow,
simmer, like a candle simmer, you know.
You know, but it's like, he would talk in my language,
you know, dancing and having fun.
He wanted a room so he could give me some advanced steps
before I go into his class and,
anyways, but I'm talking to two or three others.
This is what, we're talking about boundaries.
I know my triggers, both my marriages ended
in cheating and porn, very strong porn acts,
both of my acts.
So I get a little annoyed, these guys,
that, I mean, it's almost a turn off.
They sound wonderful, but then they,
the first message out of their mouth is,
hello, dear.
Hey, sweetie.
Hey, beautiful.
And I all of a sudden wanna just, you know,
swipe left when they do that.
Is that me or is that how men talk sometimes?
Is that, cause I'm automatically thinking it's sexual
and, you know, and it definitely is language
should be met for an exclusive.
Or do men just don't know what they're doing?
A lot of men, when you're first getting to know them,
almost every woman in the program has complained about this.
I'm just gonna tell you that.
Men will start up with, hey, beautiful.
Hey, cutie.
Hey, this, hey, sweetie, of such sorts.
I would encourage, it's just, if he says you're beautiful,
you just see a beautiful woman,
I think they're just speaking.
Now there's a difference between that
and when you start talking to them,
they're like, okay, sweetie.
Okay, honey.
And then what you say is like,
hey, I would prefer that you call me Gail.
Okay.
Got it?
My name is Gail.
Call me Gail, I really would appreciate that.
And then if they do it again,
you just slightly look at them and say,
hey, I don't know if you remember,
but I mentioned that you calling me my name.
If that's gonna be a problem,
we're gonna have to go ahead and just,
release this relationship,
release this beginning stages now
because that's not working for me.
Okay.
Yeah, I didn't know if it was because I was hypersensitive
because of my past or if it was,
I mean, I feel like it's taboo.
Don't call me sweetheart or darling or,
in the first 10 minutes, you know?
Yeah.
No, no, I totally get it.
If that's a greeting, they're greeting.
you that way i can see how that could be a turnout i'm not saying that but i have noticed that it is
a common thing and so it doesn't have to be offensive just kind of nicely tactfully set
a boundary and see if they listen them after you start talking if they use that language while
you're talking and conversating with them you have to say hey let's just stick with gail for now
and then uh the last thing is um now if they say something like hey sexy hey hey that's that that's
not that's not okay that's inappropriate okay yeah thank you all right yeah don't let them
grow on you too much i'm gonna have to get my dancing shoes out on the amazon man they got
you baby ain't nothing like a good man when you find yourself a good man it don't matter how tall
he is how short he is how round it is you'll start cooking healthy you won't get that weight out for
you'll be like i wasn't flat you because you got a good man and honey baby you know
you always just run across a good one all right all right thank you you're welcome gail
hey luanna is it like 30 seconds it's time for us to go but if you can give it to me in 30 seconds
i can respond to you in 30 seconds sure so um it's it was my first breakout room it was my
second time with you you're amazing um but i just feel so frustrated because i don't even
know what boundaries i have because i haven't been dating in four years and last week i did
try the apps and nobody came up to me to talk so i'm i don't know i must be doing something
really wrong because like in four years and nothing is like what the heck yeah you know
let's let us post your profile post your what you wrote on there post your pictures you're
talking about for the dating apps let us take a look at it yeah i tried hinge for the first time
i i signed up on thursday i want to say oh okay okay good to know okay because i i haven't tried
um i i did put up profiles before but then i didn't even get to do anything i quickly got
scared and and and removed it so hinge was the only one that i've been trying for
a couple of days or four days now a couple of days four days oh oh yeah yeah yeah i want to
say this too because you said something first that i want to address real quickly um you your
boundaries are identified in your in your life as a whole whatever you have in your life right now
let me let me finish this statement so you say i don't know what they're like because i haven't
dated whatever you have now is how you're going to show up in dating so if you're saying you don't
have boundaries in your life as an individual then we want to start setting some boundaries
and pick the area that you feel that you know you need to put some in because it's not dating that
it's not dating if you talk about kissing physical touching and things of that such
sorts no those boundaries haven't been tested right like touching i'm at a point where i
wanted to have those problems oh i know it's like can i have a problem with feeling something going
down um i feel a little spark go out through me i get it but um if you overshare you can
overshare on a date just like you overshare with people in your your community like so a lot of
these boundaries are transferable sarah likes facebook dating just to tell you if you check out
the chat i like facebook dating too it's free yeah i don't know like i i moved to oklahoma
a year ago and maybe that's what it is because they all have pictures of like them killing deer
and not going and loving the outdoors and i hate the outdoors what can i do like i'm sorry
i don't know i think they just come up with their foodery because i'm like ain't all y'all fishing
on no boat and all y'all ain't killing deer i don't know where that food come from but it's
just it's like it's flooded yeah so like it's the first picture like a dead deer i'm like why
this is so scary yeah yeah well post on the wall for me i'll follow up some more questions for
more things with you and if you like kind of a screenshot of my profile
yes let us see what you wrote let us see your pictures let us see what you have um they're
not going to let you upload multiples at one time so you can just do a little bit at a time if you
want no pressure and then we'll take a look at it because there's definitely nothing wrong with you
all is well it doesn't seem like the guys think so because nobody's coming up nobody shows up
Oh, well, you know, have you liked some people to like,
have you liked on some people?
Well, mistakenly I did,
because I didn't know how it worked.
And then I saw like some cute pictures of puppies and stuff.
And I'm like, oh, this is cute.
And I actually liked them, I didn't know.
So go back to the app and do it intentionally.
Liking goes both ways.
Oh, okay.
Uh-huh, yeah.
So you get to pick some people you like too.
All right.
Okay, all right, okay.
So, hey, Felicia, so good to hear from you.
Is it time for my dancing shoes?
This is the activation that I'm going to post
and I want all of you to participate in it.
And here it is.
This is called the boundary exposure challenge.
So you got to pick your category.
Which person are you?
We did that tonight, all right?
And then you're going to practice one small boundary
this week to work on.
So if you're the person who struggles with setting boundaries
you get to choose,
do you want to say no without an explanation?
Is that what you're going to practice?
Are you going to practice asking for clarity?
Are you going to practice not oversharing or overexplaining?
Are you going to practice ending conversations early?
Are you going to practice no over texting?
If you're the person with lots of boundaries
and it's four knots around there,
we want you to practice sharing one honest feeling
without minimizing.
Practice asking for help once this week.
Practice staying in a conversation
slightly longer than comfortable.
Practice allowing someone to support you
without fixing it yourself.
And practicing initiating connection instead of waiting.
What will everyone do when you do this?
You're going to tell us what happened.
Track it or journal it.
You're going to tell us how it felt for you.
And then you're going to tell us what you learned.
Yes, all of this, this, this, this,
what am I trying to say?
This activation is already up for you guys.
It's already in the app, okay?
And so I hope that you have fun with it.
I enjoy seeing all of y'all tonight.
As always, you know, I wish we had one more time,
but we don't.
And post all your questions in the app
and we'll try to get to you guys.
Have a good night.
And it's always my pleasure to partner with you all
and do this journey.
Good night.
Thank you, Ebony.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Thank you, Ebony.
You're welcome.
Good night, ladies.