Welcome, everybody. This is the Men's Night, January 26th. I am pinch-hitting for David,
and I'll be happy to answer any questions that you guys have, whether it's, what do
women think about this, and or this has come up. I'll be happy to, but I also have a little
something else that I wanted to do. But Mike, you have a question, right? I think you said
you had a question or a comment. So, you know, like I characterize people too quickly because
I'm not going to avoid this, you know, like all the different attachment styles, right?
So this gal and I have been, when we're together, it's like amazing, like completely phenomenal.
Are you dating somebody? That's a good question. I'm so excited. Well, but like, so we were
supposed to go bowling two weeks ago. Okay. Right? She got the flu, which wasn't a big
deal, right? She's like, hey, you know, single mom, whatever. Like she's, she's, I love her
kiddos too, but part of my revival group. But so after the thing, she's like, hey, can
I reschedule? Please don't hate me. And I'm like, I'd never hate you, you know? So then
I went to reschedule and she's just like, so she's kind of disappeared. And I'm like,
I don't know. How long ago, how long ago did she ask to reschedule? Like two weeks ago. Okay.
So like, so I don't know. I don't know if like, you know, I was thinking of the avoidant behavior
or whatever. Um, I, she's not really used to being cared for well, right. You know?
And so I'm wondering, and so like the fact that she said, please don't hate me,
broke my heart. Right. You know, like, well, that's her stuff, right? Like that's her stuff.
So I'm just trying to figure out like, is this an avoidant thing? I mean, she,
she checks my Instagram every day. She doesn't really respond super. She doesn't respond to
bids for connection, but she's still responding kind of. How, how many times did you guys go out
on a date? I've known her for two years. Yeah. And we've been on three days, three,
three dates technically, I guess. Okay. And when was the last time you guys went on a date?
I think a month ago. Okay. Like I said, two weeks ago, we were supposed to have another one,
but yeah. So like before Christmas. Yeah, actually. Sorry. I'm terrible with time.
Yeah. So you saw her before Christmas. You guys were supposed to see each other a couple of weeks
ago. Yeah. And when was your very first date with her?
Like two months ago, two and a half months ago. Okay. So you had three dates in a matter of eight
weeks ish. Yeah. So yeah. Okay. That's perfect. Okay. And so since the whole, can we reschedule,
do you guys talk on the phone? Do you text? She doesn't like talking on the phone,
which I've never understood. So I'm trying to, well, you're learning each other, right?
And so, I don't know, like the got ones would say like the bids, she's not good at accepting
bids for connection and she's a single mom. So she is really busy. Right. Like, you know, so.
Yeah. But everybody has time to make time for somebody. I'm just of that mindset.
No, I completely agree. Is she in this program or no?
I wish. That'd be awesome. So, well, it sounds like she might need some hard work, but
I mean, I just feel like when people, somebody asked me that a couple of weeks ago, or one of
the questions, Renee, what would you have done differently now that you're married?
I wouldn't have given so much grace sometimes for people. Like I give a lot of excuses
for people to breadcrumb me, you know what I mean? And so I think it's really okay to say,
you know, Hey Sally, just pretend her name is Sally. Hey Sally, you know, I really enjoyed
getting to know you and I still don't know really about anything, but I'd love to be intentional and
get to continue to get to know you. If that's not something you have the capacity for right now,
or the desire, you know, let me just, just feel free to let me know. And you know, I won't bug
you, you know, or something like that. It's her birthday today. Did you send her a message?
Yeah, of course. I mean, I threw her a little shindig because she's part of my small group,
right? Oh, so I'm sorry. How often do you guys see each other in small group?
Uh, once a week, but then now her kids are in football. So like, she doesn't come.
So, anyways, it's her birthday today, but I guess my question is, I've left so many
bridges out there, and none of them have been crossed, do I just let it hang and let it
fly?
Yeah.
I think you need to.
Yeah.
I think you need to, Mike, especially because you guys are in the same community.
You don't want to stalk her or anything.
And look, you're clear.
I'm sure you are clear, and you're being intentional.
I used to think we needed to know why people are backing off, but you know what?
Question.
We don't know.
Where's that coming from?
Yes, Mr. Kenton.
Oh, Kenton.
Kenton, I'm so excited to see you again.
I am, too.
It's good to be back again.
It's been a wild ride for the last little while, so thanks, guys, I appreciate that.
It's good to see you as well, Ms. Rizzo.
Mrs. DeVore now.
It's Mrs. I know, DeVore.
I just give her a bad name.
Anyway, Mike, you were about to say that one of the small groups has been showing up in
the small groups?
Up until last week, yeah.
Because now her kids are in a football league that doesn't work with their schedule.
Okay.
You know, I was just going to say that.
Yeah.
And then when they kicked off?
They didn't do anything.
I don't know.
No, I was just saying my policing sticks kicked in right there, because sometimes, when they
have troubles with their kids and whatnot, they pull back.
And they're just, they just not, you know, they just can't put it all together, so they
just sort of not drop you off to the side, but sometimes they just are so busy that they
just can't get back to you.
That's why I was curious.
I mean, I'm busy right now.
I'm just like, I want to keep you busy to at least let you know that listen, you know,
I'm busy, et cetera, et cetera.
So it's not you.
It's me syndrome.
Yeah.
No, that's kind of what I figured.
I mean, she kind of, and she thinks she kind of already said that.
Right?
Because she said it, you know, please don't hate me.
So she knows she's doing it.
Like, she knows she's rescheduling and here's the difference.
Like, she didn't just cancel and reschedule, she didn't reschedule.
Like, Hey, I can't do Thursday, but cause like, I know when I've had to reset a schedule,
when it's people I like, and this is just girls to work relationships, friend relationships
and people I liked.
If I genuinely couldn't make it that night, didn't have the capacity, but did want it
to see them.
I was already booking the next appointment, even if it was a week or two out.
Like so I feel like, so the phrase I've heard is, you know,
and it's kind of a, it's not a fair term, but it's like, they like you, but not enough.
But that was such a freeing, like, I don't know if any of you guys are old enough to
remember.
You know, when Berger kind of broke up with Carrie on Sex and the City on a post-it, he's
just not that into you.
And the whole book came out, he's just not that into you.
And I think that goes both ways for men and women.
And I don't like the phrase, he's just not that into you, but cause sometimes people
genuinely like somebody like, I like that person, but I don't like, so she might like
you, but she's not liking you enough to fit you in while she's raising kids and while
she's in the middle of chaos, whether that's her avoidant, her lack of heartwork, doesn't
like you enough, doesn't like herself enough, doesn't think she deserves to be a priority
in her children's life right now.
It really doesn't matter what the reason is.
You don't have to manage the reason.
And so, I mean, if I were you, I wouldn't ask her out again.
I feel like you've made your intentions clear.
You've been kind to her.
She needs, she's the one that canceled, so she really needs to be the one to pick that
ball back up.
That's just my opinion.
And that's what I was figuring.
I just wanted to make sure that I would, no, I mean, you're just confirming everything
that I thought, right?
And like I said, I have some other relational authorities that I cleared it with.
So I just wanted to make sure I got everything good.
You did.
And you know what?
I mean, here's my hope with all of you, because you guys are all amazing people.
You all deserve to have somebody who matches your energy.
Like you all deserve to be with a woman who you're not second guessing your intentions
and your time and your capacity.
She's matching your energy that, you know, she didn't have to be perfect.
You don't have to be perfect.
You don't have to be perfectly healed.
She doesn't have to be perfectly healed, but the intention and the pursuits matching.
So you can just get to, you know, enjoy each other.
And Kenton, there was somebody I wanted, there was a woman I met and I thought, oh my gosh,
you would be.
Perfect for her and then I haven't seen you in forever and now I got to start racking my brain
Who I was talking to
You'd be a lucky lady
Okay, Kenton. Have you not if you not been around a while?
Do you need to give all of us an update on where you've been or I just is it just me?
I've not seen you. Yeah, just let me give me two seconds here. I'm just dropping something off. I'll be right back. Okay, no problem
Um
Is there anybody on here for the first time obviously, I know Thomas Griffin. I know Hunter. I know Matthew
I know David. It's my it's my first time with my new fade haircut. Hey, you know why I love it Hunter
You've been looking stud muffin II. I mean like you've been up in your game
I'm just saying they said the beard delays. I want me said the beards good
I told him that I just need to stay to complete it. It went so well that I've told you a hundred dude
Keep it bro. Keep it
I'm all for the rugged look. I like a nice. What about the fear? What about the fade? Love it
well, I just
Solid level two relationship right now that that lasted I had a video chat with someone in Mississippi this this
Christina Bernard and and it lasted 50 minutes
Wait, I'm sorry. The level two date lasted 50 minutes. Well, the video chat lasted 50 minutes
I'm in a level two relationship with her
But she's gonna go with a job coach and then have one more via chat before we try to meet in person
By the way, you know what you did what you need to not do next time when we were all together in a co-ed environment
You mentioned her by name first and last name and she's on the call like she's in community
So you guys can't do that?
We have to make sure that when we speak of somebody else in the community because you wouldn't want them to do that to you
Conversation because you weren't the only person that's done it like another people have done it before
Like we just said be really careful when we're talking about somebody else in community
That we just say this girl or this guy like we've had that same conversation
So you just don't want to make sure she feels like she just got put on the spot. Yeah
No, I figured that was a bit embarrassing. I after well, we did
Take it out on the replay
So it's so I don't think she was there that night and I took it out on that
We took it out on the replay. So don't be offended that we took it out. We just thought it would protect you more
It's for the best. Anyway, so I figured you know what? Let's
Reflect on thinking, you know what? Let's not do that anymore. Yeah, that's that's what I was thinking, too
Yeah, I mean and here's the thing you guys when you're on ask Jackie or when you're on a coaching call with me and it's
Coed you can absolutely ask about a dating scenario. I mean, there's like 600 women in the community
So there's no way we would know who she is
She might know who she is right, but you're not gonna say things you might say she's in the south
I'm in the north like you might reference, you know, she lives, you know ten states away from me
There are things that you can say
To help us help you without completely completely outing the person if that makes sense
But if you did it with no with no harm, no, no harm. No foul. Um
Okay
Just just want to speak guys like gotta keep the safety
You got to be the safe place and if you're speaking her name out, you're not safe, right?
Like just then she's exposed. So you got to keep that covering
Yeah
Yeah, it's all good though, you know grace about grace abounds. Okay, Bob Bates. Do I know you I feel like you look familiar
But I'm not sure
I joined about two months ago. I guess let me be a little more further than that
So, do you know who I do? You know who I am? I was on a call with you
I don't know. Maybe the last call you're on it was been a little while maybe two months ago
Okay, I just you I just wanted to make sure you and Christopher knew who I was you're like who's this chick running the class
So yeah, I've been a part of this program for five years now you guys it was I joined
Valentine's Day weekend
For the challenge five years ago 2021 right after a really icky breakup
and
I was a member like I feel like the hair club people I was a member and then I became a teacher and
Then I got married
I've had a few almost and then I got married in October. We just got back from our honeymoon y'all
Okay, y'all have not seen me since our honeymoon Brian's right in the other room playing a video game
He's got his earphones on he can't hear me y'all. What game is he playing? I
Don't know I should find out hunter cuz I don't know I'm not into video things
So I don't know he plays with other people, you know, you play online. He actually used to play it a whole lot more
me before me, and I think a lot less so.
So I was like, do you want to join me on the call?
He's like, No, I'm just going to do a video.
I'm like, OK, yeah.
But y'all, day two of our honeymoon, I got bronchitis.
It was not.
And then he I was all in, though.
I'm actually I was a really fun, sick person.
I really was.
I was hacking up along, but I still went to the beach.
I still drank.
I still had fun.
I just needed to be in bed by 10.
But halfway through, he's like, I love you, but you need to sit over.
But and then he got sick on the way home and then he's been sick
for the last two weeks.
He actually ended up needing antibiotics.
But, you know, it was all good.
I mean, it was like what you guys would have been laughed at me.
I brought our I brought my laptop and we did our goals
like smart goals for the year and like financial future
faith, fitness, family and friends.
And then I like put it into chat, GPT, and I said, give me verses
and words and images.
And so then from that,
I created our little vision board.
And so it's got like a it gave it gave him the word steadfast.
Us as a couple, the word abide and then me, the word grounded.
And y'all, if you have not done that yet for this, all it's
so it just has pictures with verses.
So it just is a reminder.
And I'm actually going to show it to a small group that I'm leading
and then we're going to hang it up
because it's just a visual reminder for us, like what we're going to go after.
And so if you've not done something like that for the year
and you're feeling stuck, I highly recommend it.
Come up with some good smart goals and think about those categories.
Future fitness, faith, family, financial
and then blump it into chat, GPT.
And it gave me Bible verses and words and images.
And so it was a really cool way to kind of get us.
And so we do like weekly team meetings.
Hello. We're doing a daily devotional together.
And I'm not going to lie.
Like we've already had had to do like we're like, crap, we have three days.
But we were actually all caught up right now.
And so I highly recommend that
even as a single person.
Did you see you're doing, Kylo?
No. Well, I thought you said keeping your love on.
Oh, we do high lows, high lows.
So, oh, OK.
Hi, I was like, hi, hi, like so when we meet, it's like,
oh, what was your high this week? What was your low?
And actually, you guys do that is really good.
So if you're ever dating somebody, it's not like if you get serious,
it's not a bad thing to do because one of his lows one week was he
he did not know how to advocate for himself in his marriages.
And so standing up to me and asking for what he needed
one week was a really big deal for him.
And he really like it weighed on him all the rest of the week.
And so that was a low for him.
He said he felt so bad doing that.
I'm like, oh, my.
And the funny thing was, I didn't even remember him doing it.
Like it was so appropriate.
Like he was appropriately calling me out on something and asking for something.
And I was like, oh, my gosh, you're totally right.
Totally. And I never thought about it again.
And for him, it just hung with him.
And so because we did a high low, he was able to release himself from that.
I'm like, oh, you need to let that go.
Like, I need you to do that in this marriage.
Like, I need you to tell me what you need.
Like, I can't read your mind.
I can't. And I had no idea how hard that was for or that it like you sat in it.
Like, I would have never known that it's been bothering you.
So like, that's also my little tidbit for y'all, too.
Kenton, are you back in the car?
I am back. OK, so you said your life's been a little interesting.
So does everybody else knows what's going on or do we all want an update from Kenton?
All right. This is my first time, so I'm trying to play catch up desperate.
OK, so, Christopher, let me give you the skinny.
Bless your heart.
I was I actually asked at some point if this was somebody's first time.
OK, I apologize.
OK, so, Christopher, catch me up.
Have you started watching any of the videos yet?
Yeah, I complete.
Sorry, I've completed week one. Yes.
Perfect. OK, so because it's a little more loosey
goose with the men, so when the women do heartwork,
there are like five main weeks. Right.
And so Bethany kind of rotates talking about the topics.
And so basically it starts back at the top.
So no matter so when.
You're watching week one in the videos and reading the book and may not match up when the teaching is here. It's a little bit more free willy. However, since you did just finish week one. Did you read the book, too. Or did you just watch the videos.
Oh, yeah, I'm all in. I read, read the book, watch the videos. The only thing I haven't done is the dream one because that's really long.
Oh, yeah, it is. Okay.
Tell me if you don't mind. Well, everybody does not know Mike. I'm Chris. So Chris, are you able to come on camera or no?
Zim's not letting me because I'm driving. But when I
I will.
Okay, no worries. Okay, so just tell us a little bit about yourself. Tell us how old you are. If you've ever been married.
Where do you live in the country? What do you do? And what brought you here? And then I'll have the I'll have I'll pass the baton and let the other guys say one minute on each of them as well.
I live in the Sacramento area. I have I do a 911 dispatching. So I'm on the answer 911 I do the radio for police.
And I do
Yeah, I found this through a friend that did some some work with the company and he recommended I was married about nine years ago, my wife passed away of cancer. We were married for five years. So, um, yeah, that's
How old are you?
I'm turning 40 in July.
You do not sound 40. Wow. Okay, you got that voice. Um, you know, it's funny because 911 Nashville has been filming like right down the street. It's like whenever
Like the streets are closed. That damn show is thing. But the person on the phone is like always the like the level headed one so hard work that you do. God bless you. Well, I'm sorry about your loss. We're so glad that you were here.
And so we're going to pause on our big conversation and welcome Christopher. So, Mike, can you just give us kind of like the basics that I just had Chris do so it will be this way. We're all caught up.
I'm a little west of you, Christopher. I'm in the Bay Area. I'm in San Jose. And so
I'm a machinist or mechanical engineer machinists can whatever I'm kind of
Yeah, I make parts out of metal design things make things build things help engineers.
I'm turn 50 this year, which is insane because I don't feel like it. And then
What was the other thing.
Is that it, you're divorced. You say, Oh, yeah, I've divorced.
Been eight years.
Yeah, eight years since. I mean, it was official officially it's been for but logistically, it's been eight. So great. Thank you.
I'm Dave. Are you able to chat. It's not usual that I don't see you either. Are you able to share
Yeah, sure. Oh, there you go. Um, yeah. So my name is that David. I live in Canada. I'm 33 never married. Yeah, I'm a social worker and I'm also an entrepreneur.
There you go.
I'm a social worker and I'm also an entrepreneur.
There you go.
And he wrote a lovely. He's a he's a songwriter. He wrote a lovely song for me and Brian, which is very sweet. Kenton, tell us a little bit about you in one minute or less.
Well, I live in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.
Where it's extremely cold right now.
Just fine. I've been separated divorces 2019 basically, and I drive the biggest trucks in the world up in the mines north here up north farther north of Edmonton, which is about five or six hours. So they're 400 ton trucks off road. They're fun.
Nice. Nice. Thomas Griffin.
Hey, I don't know if you prefer going by Christopher Chris, but it's such a pleasure to meet you. I'm glad you're here. I'm Thomas Mike my cousin Jenna trueblood does this 911 dispatch in Vacaville. If you happen to know her.
Oh, I'm down here in L.A.
We actually live in I live in Solano County in Rio Vista. I said Sacramento area because nobody knows where I live. So I yeah I drive through back up all the time.
Oh, wow. How about that. Yeah. Well, I'm yeah really grateful for the work you and she and others are doing. I'm 44 never married. I do conflict resolution for work and grateful to be learning every day.
Thomas remind me where you live. I missed it.
Oh, a lot.
Los Angeles.
You're LA.
Pretty for, oh my gosh.
Wait, do you want kids?
Yes, absolutely.
Okay, would you, like, is that a deal breaker though?
I do feel that it's very, very important to me.
Okay, nevermind.
There's just somebody else in our community
that's amazeballs, but she's 49 and she's not sure if she,
like, she's like, I'll take somebody else with kids,
but I'm not sure I wanna have kids.
Because, you know, when you're 49,
there's like, you're looking at the other end of it.
So I get it.
Okay.
Thanks for that thoughtfulness though.
No, wait, 24.
I gotta be writing this down for you guys.
Okay, wait, wait.
I gotta write this down.
Okay, Thomas is 44.
And is the best.
Dave, you are like 30.
36.
33.
33, you're in Canada, I know that.
Kenton, I know you're in Canada too.
And you're like 62, one, four?
66.
All right there, buttercup.
Mike, you're 48.
Am I making that up?
No, it's 66 years of age,
but getting under 67 in a couple of months.
I'm 18 for the last 32 years.
Does that make 48?
Is that 48?
50, 50.
Are you 50?
When did you turn 50?
Just a couple months ago, August, yeah.
I didn't realize, I think I missed that, okay.
I didn't try to broadcast.
I will, I appreciate that.
All right, thank you.
All right, Hunter, you are next.
Intro yourself real quick.
Okay, my name is Hunter Carl.
I live in upstate New York in Hyde Park in the Hudson area.
I'm a delivery driver.
I deliver on Amazon's behalf.
And I've also been going to last year's single
for two and a half years.
I just got back from the cruise and I like to do,
I'm just working on doing jujitsu and organizing finances.
And I'm 37 years old and I want kids.
Awesome, how old are you?
37.
All right, David, or Dave, I missed your comment.
So you deleted it.
So I don't know why you're apologizing
because you're allowed to say whatever you need to here.
Like whatever is said here stays here.
So, I don't know what you said
and we can talk about it later,
but y'all like you're, especially in front of me,
like me and David, man, like we can handle anything.
There's nothing you can't tell us that we can't handle.
Okay, David Henshaw, give us a quick intro
and introduce yourself to Chris.
Hi, my name is David.
It's nice to have you here, Chris.
I'm 51 years old,
been living in the Philadelphia metro area
about an hour north of that in Pennsylvania
for a good 25 years now.
Not originally from Pennsylvania though.
I'm single, never married, still want children
and I'm a young 51.
So.
There you are.
So, and just a little side note,
I'm really hoping things finally open up next month,
but a good friend of mine that I went to
was a classmate with mine in Wyoming.
There's now in Western Nevada
and I'm hoping to come out Western Nevada
and South Tahoe area, hopefully sometime next month though.
I'm searching a tour of Kelpton
so you guys are up there, so.
Yeah, it's a beautiful area.
That's awesome.
Okay, Bob, you're up.
So welcome, Chris.
Yeah, hi, Chris.
So I live outside of New York City,
I'm about 40 miles west of New York City
in a town called Morristownagers.
You're actually ran off of Morristown,
it's a better known town.
Yeah, I was married once about 20 years
and three kids, a grandchild
and I'm probably the oldest pope here, I'm 70.
I got talked into this and somebody
who's on the woman's side of it was a friend of mine.
Oh, who was, is this somebody
that's in the program right now?
Yeah.
Could I say her name?
I don't wanna.
Well, I'm asking, wait, wait, watch, hold on.
Wait, hold on a second.
There we go.
Thank you so much for sharing all of that, Bob.
Oh, Chris, now we can see you.
I'm gonna let, yeah, you can go ahead and go
cause there's all just Matthew behind you.
I don't know if Matthew can come on camera
but go ahead and tell us, Chris, give us a,
oh, wait, you already gave us a skinny on you.
I already did, sorry.
You're California and how old did you say, 40?
Northern California too.
Rounding up.
Yeah, I understand.
All right, look, I wrote you all down.
I'm on the hunt for you guys now.
I'm making it my mission this year.
But you're going to be honest with me.
I'm going to tell you who I think.
But I want you to go see their profile, go on Facebook
or wherever and take a look.
And if you want me to make a little introduction.
OK.
Matthew, are you available to introduce yourself?
I don't know if you're like, if you can take your camera.
Yeah, give me one minute.
I think the internet needs to switch off.
I just walked in the door, locked my door.
So while you're doing that, Christopher,
do you prefer Chris or Christopher?
I don't care.
The secret is that I always hope my significant other calls me
Christopher because no one ever does.
So Chris is fine.
Well, here's what's funny.
I love Christopher.
I'm a big fan of full names.
I find it way sexier.
I don't know what it is.
My nephew's Nathaniel, not that my nephew's sexy.
But it's funny because his family, we all
call him Nathaniel.
But then, of course, his friends,
they're like Nathan, Nate.
The name gets shorter and shorter,
especially on the basketball court.
But I think there's something beautiful about full names.
And I like calling Brian Bae, but I also
like calling him Brian.
I like calling his full name.
There's just something about someone's full name.
So I think that's wonderful.
OK, you just finished chapter 1.
So all of these men are experts.
So is there anything that popped up for you from that week
or the topic that you're like, hmm,
I need to unpack that a little bit more.
I can give you feedback on it, or any of the guys
here can give you feedback on it.
Did anything jump out at you?
I'll admit that the whole thing, I didn't know what to expect.
So when we jumped into some hard work, I was like, oh,
this is a thing that I just was not prepared.
I'm happy with it.
Going through just the first part,
I can see what's going on here.
And I've already had some very good and tough journal moments
where I'm just writing things down.
I think the main thing, it's like signing
that permission slip that came up,
is I think I have some very, very latent resentment of how
God has worked out my life.
Because I think who I am today, nine years
after the worst thing that ever happened to me,
I think I'm a better man.
I certainly have a close relationship with God.
I serve more.
I'm more enthusiastic about my walk with God
than I ever have been.
I often say, I wouldn't choose it,
but I wouldn't change it now that I'm here.
But I think I still have that resentment
that I've been trying to get rid of and trying to push off.
And I guess that got a little bit revealed in that moment.
Y'all, that's so good.
Thank you for sharing that, Chris.
I feel like we all could probably resonate with that.
There were definitely some instances in my life, for sure.
I had a lot of eye surgeries as a kid,
and I still don't use my right eye.
And I remember just thinking, why can't I get healed from this?
In the same way, I am a different person
because I spent so many years in the hospital.
And I see the world through a different set of eyes
and spiritual eyes because of it.
And it is part of who I am, but it also
was so hard and so costly.
And I've always been like, er.
And it's interesting because Brian has recently
said to me, Renee, the Lord, I waited my whole life for you.
And I've had so many hiccups in a relationship
that if the Lord took you home really quickly,
I don't know how I could get past that with God.
And so I think that's a real thing.
Is there anybody else that wants to speak into that,
that can kind of relate to that?
Yeah, Chris, I can.
Yeah, go ahead.
Chris, I'm a retired police officer,
so I understand a lot of the high stress that you're in,
especially a 9-11 operator, that for a bit.
There's a lot going on to unpack on this one
because I'm 66, and I'm still dealing
with a lot of the different things in my life,
disappointments from God and whatnot.
But it really comes down to it.
We're humans, and he knows we're humans.
He's not disappointed in you because his love never changes.
It never changes.
And he's not disappointed in you because you're human.
can never disappoint them. How do you disappoint a guy that already knows everything about you
before you even know about it? It's a little hard to. But when it comes down to those sort of things,
sometimes it's just what makes you a stronger character in the end.
Asking the right question, asking the hard questions. You may get answers, you may not.
Like we know in the police force, we don't always get answers for every case that we try to solve.
Drives us crazy sometimes. But with God, it's a point of honing us. Can we really reach into him,
hold on to him when we don't know what's going on around us? I'd love to unpack with this
at a later time when we can speak more, but I'm going to let the other guys talk now.
I appreciate that. I don't think I could do this job had I not gone through what I'd gone through.
I mean, the cancer fight makes you strong in a way that's very unique.
And had I not gone through that, I don't think I could do this job that I do now.
So good. Go ahead, Mike. Yeah. I understand the cancer battle.
I mean, my ex survived Cuyda, right? She was not the same person that she was before,
right? And then she filed for divorce. But I've been through a lot. And loving on somebody who's
going through cancer has got to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And it does
change you. And it feels so dumb to be like, Lord, God, I forgive you. But even this last,
like a couple of days ago, I'm like, I forgive you for my life not showing up like I thought
it was going to. I forgive you for, you know, letting her live and destroy my life.
Right? And I can't speak to this. I think it's harder for the caretaker than it is for the
person going through it. Because it's, you know, and doing chemo and all this stuff. And
I'm really sorry for your loss. Right? And but like, characters for just, it's forged.
I thought I was pretty freaking strong. Like, but like, I wish I was. I mean, I was immensely
strong, but nothing compared to after that. Right? So, you know, he is, he uses all things,
and he has a redemption plan for everything. You know, and I look back and like you said, I,
I wouldn't change things. Right? I'm not really a huge fan of a lot of the things.
But at the same time, like, I really like who I am today. And I had to forgive myself for stuff. I
mean, like, you know, the hardest person I've ever had to forgive is me. Right? Like, I mean,
you know, we did a sozo session. And they're like, we're talking about your grandfather,
we're talking about your ex. You're like, like, we're good. We're good. They're like,
what about yourself? And I'm like, Ooh, wait a second. You know, and that ended up being a
stronghold. So, you know, I just, I guess I feel like, to give yourself permission to question and
to forgive God and to forgive yourself and like, just the freedom to do that. Some people feel
like God's so big that they can't, why would he, you know, like, you need to ask him to forgive
you. I've actually had to ask the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I had to forgive all of them.
So just, I don't know if that's helpful at this to give you the freedom to actually do that.
No, I appreciate that. Thank you.
Dave, and then Thomas, you guys can just go.
Yeah. So, Christopher, it's so encouraging seeing you here. And I think you're going to do well. And
I think the minute you go on camera and joint community, every girl's going to go crazy.
But I just I just know it. I know that they're going to see you and they're going to go nuts.
But I wanted to give you a little bit of encouragement. And I'm just going to tell you
a quick testimony that happened to me this week is that I was really struggling last week. And I was,
yeah, my POAs and family kind of gave me, put me in a situation where I have to make
a tough decision for myself. And I was like, Lord, what do I do? And I asked God and I said,
God, can you just give me a dream? I would love a dream that would explain what to do.
And I had a really weird dream and it made no sense. And I had the dream four times and I said,
that makes no sense. And it was a snowstorm. And I went to my mailbox and I pulled out and
Gail, the lady who was mentioned earlier, Gail, drew me some pictures and sent it from New Jersey
and it came in my mailbox. And it was the exact dream that I had had. It was the vision. Gail
had drawn it out. I didn't tell her she didn't know. And it was just confirmation of that.
So I just want to encourage you that this will be a really cool journey,
especially with that permission slip and God may be doing things that
you never would have thought happen
because you've now given him permission to.
So it's kind of been a cool journey
for me to experience those things
and I'm excited to see what God will do.
Really appreciate you sharing, Chris.
And just to jump in real quick,
I am at work right now.
So if I randomly mute and can't respond,
I am gonna try to stay on the call,
but just I'm not being rude
and I really appreciate you guys.
Yeah, okay, great, yeah.
Thank you for sharing that.
I was just going to say,
seems like you were sharing
kind of an emotion that was happening
and really, really respect and appreciate that.
And as much as I might have opinions about it,
I'm not sure if my opinions are gonna be as helpful
as just saying, care about you and your experience.
And if there's anything that I or we can do
to be supportive of you as you're experiencing that,
I hope you'll feel free to let us know.
I appreciate that.
Jumping in here like randomly
and you guys were super patient with me
and I appreciate that.
No, I'm so glad.
And Chris, I'm just gonna encourage you
and Mike, I'd love to,
and I'm gonna send a message to David.
And I think this would be really helpful for you guys
because I feel like some of you guys
have been in the program a long time.
And so it's been a while
since you've tapped into the heartwork conversation.
Like I think you guys kind of free for a little bit.
And so Chris, each week as you hit a topic,
feel free to say, okay, this week it was about forgiveness.
Cause I just, and I'm only reacquainted with the heartwork
because I had to teach it for three weeks
for the ladies while Bethany was out.
And there is gonna be a topic of confession and repentance.
There's gonna be forgiveness.
And then there's gonna be revealing for healing
and then the cycle of that.
So I actually think you're gonna get to a section
in the heartwork that's gonna deal with that topic
even more for yourself.
And so I would encourage you at the top of the hour
with David Dorman, when he's mostly leading with Mike
that you just say like, hey, today was week,
I just finished week two and this was the topic.
Can we punch this around a little bit?
Because I actually think it'll help the guys
to focus in with you because also when you do the heartwork
it lands a certain way in the moment.
But then when you bring that topic back up
six months later, a year later,
it's gonna land differently.
So I know just teaching heartwork a month ago
landed differently for me than it did five years ago
when I first took it.
And I'll say this, like when I got to the forgiveness week
I actually pulled up all my old forgiveness pages,
all the people that I had to forgive.
And you guys, cause I kept everything
from when I did the program, literally five years ago,
I kept all my printouts, all my notes,
all the people I had to forgive.
I found my permission slip.
And I'm so grateful that so many of those people
that I had to forgive in the moment,
including myself and including God.
So Christopher, I had God on the list.
I had to forgive God.
Actually, I didn't even think about it.
This is how much God's healed me from it.
But until everybody else started sharing,
I had to forgive God for allowing my sexual assault
had to happen.
I actually was more sad and mad at God
than I was the guy who did it
because I felt like God let me down
and he didn't protect me.
And so the beautiful thing is I can tell you
five years later, I had so much peace
about everybody that was on that list
and anybody that I don't, whether it's myself again
or it comes back up, then I kind of walk through
the process all over again.
So I'm gonna encourage you
and I'm gonna send a note to David
that he lets you bring in a question from that week.
I think it'll be good for you
and I think it'll be good for the rest of the guys
since you guys all agree.
Like, I think I saw y'all nod, yeah.
Like, I think it'll be good.
I mean, like what I was supposed to talk about
didn't matter, although irony,
one of the things I wanted to talk about
is called our pool of pain.
And we all come with a pool of pain
into a story, into a relationship.
Like we're all old enough that we all have a pool of pain.
Like whether something happened to us,
something was missing,
whether it was intentional or unintentional,
we all kind of come back with our pool of pain.
And as we do relationships today,
the reason why the heart healing is so important.
Don't argue with this creature.
You want to get into it,
argue with him about this whole matter of stewardship.
I'm gonna interview him.
There we go. Okay. So, this is a phrase I wrote down when I did some training on A Pool
of Pain. It says, good emotional health is when you deal with today's feelings as only
today's feelings and you do it today. Does anyone want to hear that again? Emotional
health is when you deal with today's feelings with only today's feelings and you do it
today. Otherwise, you sit in your pool of pain. And so, it is so important for us to
do our heart work, for us to go back to that pool of pain and anything that we've not worked
on before and we work on forgiveness, repentance, confession, healing, whatever happened in
our past with a pool of pain, we do our work so that when we're in current relationships,
whether it's coworkers, friendships, or somebody that we're dating, when someone's coming at
us with an issue, we have to make sure that the energy we're bringing to the conversation
or the issue that it's in front of us is with today's issue. And sometimes I always say
like, wow, you're giving me a level 10 response for a level five situation. And if that is
ever happening or when I'm doing it, like if Brian says, Renee, wow, you're coming at
me with a level 10 emotion bank. And I think what I just said to you is more like a level
four. So, what's there? And so, usually if my energy, what I'm coming in at, isn't matching
today's moment, probably somewhere from my pool of pain, it's triggered it and I'm heaping
all that past stuff back into that present situation. And I'm asking him to carry a weight
of that emotion he really wasn't meant to carry. So, it's really important in those
moments I separate the two like, okay, this is what was said or done. I need to deal with
that moment today, today's emotions, and I need to fix it today. Like I need to work
on it today. And then I might need to go meet with the Lord, meet with my therapist
or my prayer partner and go back and refocus and put some energy or come to a place like
this where it's safe to go back and unpack that pool of pain a little bit that just got
triggered. Does that make sense, you guys? Any thoughts on that? Because I feel like
I wanted to talk about pool of pain and Christopher just brought up something that's like a deep
wound. And Mike, I mean, like right when you started talking about your story, I could
feel your pain in that moment of what it was like walking with your ex-wife. So, I could
feel that pool. And so, it's honoring the pool behind us, but it's not bringing it forward
into our current relationships and expecting them to unpack it.
Well, okay. So, like I think the pool of pain, whatever, if you're not current with it, then
you're actually reacting versus responding, right? Like, you know, so, you know, like
I try forgiveness. I try to have like a zero bank, like none. I mean, right, you know,
and like, and I know when I'm like this, like this week, I've gotten hit really hard. I
got guns, one of my good friends, stage four cancer, and like, not good, like, and just
all this stuff. And I can feel if you guys start feeling overwhelmed. A lot of times
it's because I haven't had a chance. I mean, I got hit by a truck yesterday, right? You
know, and found out somebody I love dearly isn't gonna be around much longer. And like,
and so, but I haven't got to process through that and weep it out. So, now I'm a little
edgy, right? And it has, like, if Renee said something that set me off, well, it has nothing
to do with what Renee did. Well, or it could, but like, it's very, so it's really important
to be current. I try to stay current for you guys, forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness,
forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness. I mean, not just saying forgiving, but like, Lord
Jesus bless them. I just asked that, you know, and you know, and like, so you don't just
say I forgive them, but you like, Lord, you bless, you forgive, and then you bless. That
way you can offload it. And you don't have it running in your background and your subconscious
to come up and blow up on the person. What is it? You don't want to bleed on somebody
who didn't cut you? Yeah, it's that same idea. But you know what, Mike, if you're in
a healthy relationship, like you're in a healthy friendship with us. And so you can say like,
you know what, that thing you just said that just brought up like a level 10 for me, because
here's the information I just learned yesterday, I just learned that one of my dear friends
has stage four cancer. And like that just brought up my pool. So here's what it does
is it allows us to separate and go, wow, he's having this big emotion, because it's, it's
this part of the story. So we can all show empathy for you, but not feel like it's my
fault. Do you know what I'm
saying. And so that's why you want to be in a relationship with somebody where you can say,
you know what? Like if Brian says that to me, I want to be able to say,
you know, what just hit me today? This, like, this is, this is my pool of pain. Like that's
why it's feeling so crummy. So Brian didn't have to take responsibility for it, but he can empathize
with me in that pool. So he would only apologize for the part that's his for today. And then he
could just empathize for the part that it's pulling up from the past. And it allows you
to hold space for both without feeling responsible for both. Any other thoughts that are triggering
up? I love the direction. See, Chris, we're so glad you're here. Any other thoughts that
people have that they want to piggyback off of this? Kenton, I don't know where you are,
because I said, I know you said you had more to say about this. So I want you to feel like
you've got space to unpack a little bit more. Hunter, what do you want to say?
So basically, we're talking about looking at past trauma, get to the root of the problem,
and then forgive ourselves and see what was causing the trauma, right?
Well, it's forgiving whoever, it could be us, it could be forgiving
God, it could be forgiving the person that did it to us. It's just, it's kind of honoring it,
it's holding space for it, realizing that your sadness today may not be because of what happened
today. It could be partly because of what happened today, but it's also reminding you of what
happened back here. So it's just recognizing the two, because all you know is how you feel today.
Like, oh my gosh, I'm feeling sad at a level 10. But did something sad at a level 10 happen today?
No.
No. And so then if it's not, then you go like, okay, what's in my back that's also coming up
on me? And so it's not even like necessarily forgiving, but I call it holding space for it.
Oh, yeah.
Sometimes if you don't have to forgive, like for Chris, he lost his wife. It may or may have
nothing, it may have something to do with forgiving God, but it also means he lost his wife. And
that's just sad. And that causes pain. And so it's just saying that pain was real.
Yeah. Like the fact that I got, like in middle school, it was tough and basically kids picked
on me and the principal didn't do anything. And then I took management in my own hands and
it worked well. Even though when I didn't misbehave, people write me off as the teacher or
the aide, try to write me off as insubordinate. And all because if you can't defend yourself in
my assistant principal's office, they'll write you off as that. And basically couldn't defend
yourself. So basically, I even called my old assistant principal to forgive him rather than
create some hurting vendetta to finish the job, which revenge won't fix it. Figure forgiveness
will be a better thing than a vendetta. Then Satan tempting you with some violent vendetta
you want to carry out, which is not smart. And then also we got to think about in those
vendettas from the 10 years ago, especially when it was a recent decade, the last decade,
I just think about, you know, why don't we establish boundaries about it?
Look at how much that could have been avoided if I had this modern healing behavior. I could
have boundaries. I'd be, people will be more respectful and everything.
I love it. I love it. Thank you for sharing that. Kenton.
Sorry, I had to step on for a little while. So I missed most of the conversation there. Sorry.
So we were talking a little bit, well, you said you had a little bit more to say to Christopher.
And what I was talking about, I was talking about the topic of our pool of pain. Like we all come
into our story with behind us a pool that has some painful memories and moments. And so sometimes
when we're feeling energy in a situation, we're coming at it with like a level 10 energy of
sadness or anger or frustration. And it's because we're not just carrying the weight of what happened
today, but it's tapping into our pool of pain. And so the phrase I gave everybody was emotional
health is when you can deal with today's feelings as only today's feelings and you do it today.
And if you're with somebody who you really care about, you might have to say like, okay,
I need to work on this today with you because this is the thing that happened,
but I need some grace because it's also tapping into this thing that happened back here.
That's not theirs to work through with you, but they can hold space and grace for you in that.
So that's kind of where we just a little bit were, but I said that that was a good segue from
what Christopher was sharing with us. So, but you said that you had more to say, so I want to give
you everybody else's.
kind of jumped in. So if you had more on this topic, whether on what I just said or Christopher's story,
I wanted you to feel like you could come back in. If I can just reiterate again with you, Chris,
it was that you were saying you were disappointed with God. Was that the key thing here?
I mean, it was kind of a little bit of resentment to God for the way he has allowed my life to
proceed. Gotcha. No, I totally get it. Christopher, as I said, I'm 66. I was raised for 36 years.
I'm living a job's life right now. I've lost absolutely everything. I don't own anything
anymore. So I understand the resentment issue that comes up because it's a real feeling when
you lose absolutely something that which you love the very most and you put your life into. But this
is what the Lord told me is that I had made my wife and my job and several other things an idol
in my life. Now, we don't want to hear that because, you know, we want to we want to have a real
relationship with our wives and everything else. But it came to the place for me personally.
I started to wanted to please her more to do things to keep her in the relationship more.
And I was creating an idol, spending more time with her than I was with with God himself,
because God is after our hearts, of course. Now, I'm not saying this is your circumstances by no
man's, but it was mine. And it caused resentment within me because for 30. I would say about 30,
32 of those 36 years I lived with a wife that was emotionally unavailable.
And of course, that didn't help anybody by no means, because when you live with without emotions,
you with somebody and you're very emotional person, it's like it's very, very, very dry.
You're starving and you're hungry. And so I was always saying, God, why am I with this woman?
In so many words, she's killing me. And she was she was slowly killing me in the relationship.
And so I became resentful over that. And he just he kept on reminding me that
we're humans. We allowed to have these these these emotions. But it's it's what we do with
the emotions. Do we hand them over to him or do we keep them and sort of play with them and give
them back to him one day and then take it back? And I was doing that for a while, just Lord,
it always would jump back into my mind until I had to learn how to control every thought
and bring it and submit it unto Christ every time. So I'd like to hear more of your story,
actually, eventually, and see we can't really find out what the root cause of that might be for you,
though, because everybody's a little bit different. Well, and I think, Kenton, as he goes through the
hard work each week, as those different chapters come up, I feel like, you know, there's a you
know, we always say there's a revealing for healing. And Chris, what Jackie likes to talk
about in the book and the videos a lot is she wants things to kind of unfold for you as opposed
to us going digging. And so like sometimes we're always like, oh, my gosh, I got to get to the root
of that. And she would always say, like, don't go force the dig in, like, let it kind of come up. So
as you walk out the hard work, more will be revealed to you for you to unpack with this
great group of men. David Dorman mostly does the check-ins. I think sometimes Mike,
fabulous Mike leads the check-in and usually once a month to let me lead the check-in
to just to give you a little female flavor. And so we're kind of all here for you and each other.
Is there any other thoughts or questions or comments or things that happened this week?
You guys want to unpack a praise report, a prayer request, because I don't know if you guys do that
regularly, but like I saw, you know, Thomas really just trying to reach out and support.
Oh, Matthew, are you on? Can you come? Can you give us an update on you? Can you introduce
yourself? I just. Yeah. So we haven't talked in a while, so I can give you a quick update.
Since last time we talked, everything kind of fell apart for me. I could start with I got rolled
off my last series two years ago, and I've been juggling between six and nine jobs for the last
couple of years. So. And it's frustrating, you know, you're working seven days a week,
it seems you get home from one job, you got to run and do something else.
And praise God that I'm working on an animated short film, which is my area, but unfortunately,
they don't have money to pay me, which is what they told me at the end of the interview.
And I said, I'll still take it because it's what I want to do and it's something I have
a passion for and something I'm good at.
But other than that, I had a really good interview a week and a half ago, and then I thought
everything was good and I had everything in my mind.
God, this is it.
You're going to release me.
I'm going to go back.
And then I got the letter.
It was a hard decision, but we had to go with somebody else.
And yeah, I was angry with God to try and figure all out when things are going to go
back the way they were.
So hard.
Matthew, you're in Southern California, correct?
Yeah.
And how old are you?
58.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot about the rest.
So yeah, I'm divorced, 58, divorced 12 years, 13 years now, married 23.
Yep.
Oh, and the best positive news I could come up with is I do have a new granddaughter.
Congratulations.
That is awesome.
Grandkids.
Yeah, she'll be turning a year in April.
That's awesome.
That's really, really awesome.
I have really enjoyed this.
You guys, I really am so glad.
And I think that you guys tipping into these topics is really important because you all
are all amazing people.
And I know that David and Jackie are dreaming up new things for the men's program as well.
And I know they're going to be launching and sharing ideas with us on Wednesday.
And I've also offered my guy because he is part of my coaching duo.
He's been a professor for years and he kind of loves, and you guys, he's been to hell
and back too.
So his most recent marriage from six years ago, he's been married twice and his second
marriage literally wiped him dry of all of their savings and all their retirement money.
And then they got him in this big hole with a timeshare and he's had to rebuild his life
financially.
He's done a great job, but he's learned a lot of lessons the hard way.
And I'm grateful I'm meeting him in this season of his life where he's done a lot of heart
work already.
But as soon as I started dating him, I made him, well, I didn't make him, I suggested
and he did.
He bought on Kindle the heart work and started reading it.
So it's been fun to kind of walk through that with him as well.
So we all have been there.
We all need heart work.
We've all been hurt.
We have all hurt people.
I mean, like, I don't think we can escape our part in it, right?
And so sometimes when we have to do that forgiveness, it's going to be forgiving ourselves.
I think, Mike, I think you said that.
I can't remember.
I think you said that tonight.
Sometimes the hardest person that we have to forgive is ourself.
I also try to give grace to the person, the version of myself.
Like 58-year-old Renee can't judge 19-year-old Renee with 50-year-old lenses.
Like sometimes Renee at 19 did what she could with the information she had at 19.
And so I can't expect her to have made those decisions with what she knows today.
So that's like the biggest thing I try to say to folks is when you start to do the heart
work and you look back at choices you made, even if it was last year or five years ago
or 10 years ago, you have to give yourself some grace that sometimes you just did the
best that you could.
You made the thoughtful decision.
You made the prayerful decision.
Even if it wasn't the right decision, that's like one of the best things I learned in my
first seminary class.
You guys, I can't believe I'm graduating in May.
I can't believe I'm even saying that.
But he said that he's like, Renee, you know, we don't always get to make the right decision,
but we get to make the thoughtful decision.
So that's what hopefully heart work does is it gets you to pause long enough to be thoughtful.
So back to what you made the comment, Mike, you said so that we don't react, we respond.
And usually when there's this thing that happens and our response, the longer we pause to respond,
the more likely it's a response and not a reaction.
When we say something right away from that moment, it's usually a reaction.
So if we can practice pause, practice being thoughtful, then we can respond.
And it doesn't mean that that response is always the right one.
It just means it's more thoughtful and it's more intentional.
Any other thoughts, questions?
This has been a really good heartfelt night.
I'm really proud of all of you.
Is there anything...
that you guys are wanting and needing in the coming year
that the team can know about?
Yes.
I've been here for about two and a half years or so
and last year single,
and I still haven't been on the spotlight.
I have spotlighted you in the questions.
If not, Hunter, I'm gonna make sure,
you know when I pull people aside to answer questions,
I will get you next time, okay?
I promise you.
You know when we do a single spotlight
and they ask questions and Jackie introduced it to us?
I haven't done that real one.
Well, we're not even doing that version right now anymore,
so you're stuck with me
with all the fun questions I make y'all do.
So I want you to be available and camera ready
the next time and I will make sure I ask you questions.
Okay, buddy?
All right.
And hopefully, you know Christina Bynard, right?
Yeah.
All right, good.
And hopefully what?
Hopefully she's there or not there.
Just pray for her.
Figure that's all I can do.
I'm also the funny one too.
Oh, sweet baby Jesus.
Oh my goodness.
I love it.
You are hilarious.
On all Zoom calls, everybody put their age.
Yeah, that really does help you guys.
Like how Abram has it,
like how you want a girl to reach out to you
to drop a hanky.
So Chris, where are you Chris?
Okay, so Chris, once you're kind of done with the heartwork,
we do have some events that are co-ed
and Dave's not wrong.
You'll be the new kid on the block
and like all women will go gaga over you.
But like I do kind of around Robin now,
we used to do like three interviews for a spotlight
and it was like a pretty long introduction,
but a lot of you guys have been here a while
and so I've been trying to make it more fun and spontaneous
and also highlight the women too,
because there's so many great women.
And so what helps is if you put your name,
you don't even need your last name really,
but you need your name.
What helps is if you put your age and your location
and you're like, however your name appears
either on Facebook or Instagram,
that's really however you want a woman
to slip into your DM.
So if it's Facebook,
it's probably just gonna be your full name.
Like Abram has IG.
So I know that that's his Instagram.
And so I've just encouraged,
cause even though you've not been spotlighted Hunter,
I've not been happy the way when we were doing spotlights,
I felt like it was really clunky getting people matched up.
So now I'm just trying to get people
to reach out to each other directly.
So you're gonna always put your name,
how it appears on social media.
So it's easier to find yourself.
Hunter, you would put Hunter comma 37 upstate New York.
So that lets people know right away.
Cause I kind of feel like upstate New York
and New York city are two different things.
Like Bob would obviously put New York city.
Cause even if he's not exactly in New York city,
he's giving like a roundabout location ish of where you are.
Like Mike might put Mike 50, Northern California.
He may not put Redding or San Jose.
Cause we don't know if you want to be stalked or anything.
So we want to give a little.
So yes.
We want to give a little.
I'm always being stalked, Renee.
Like, dude, it's funny cause I'm like, no, thank you.
So yes, another thing is,
so we're going to have another video chat with Christina too.
And then she's going to think about videos,
thinking if I'm a good match or not.
It's almost like I,
and I want to know about traveling
and I'll tell you about how it all went down.
Okay.
I look forward to hearing about it.
I love it.
Thank you.
Renee, Renee, before we,
before you sign off for tonight,
I need to ask you a few questions at the very end.
So I'll wait till the very end.
Well, the floor is yours.
So like y'all, so is it questions you want for all of us?
Well, no, it was just that if I can may know,
I've been paying for a woman that's on our program.
She's one of our members as well too.
And they keep on sending me invoices, not for being paid.
And I've been trying to phone that number
that's at the invoice bottle, but nobody responds.
Do you want to send an email to admin at JackieDorman.com?
Yeah, I did.
And I said, I was paying for this,
this woman's her fees and everything else.
Haven't got a response to it.
All right.
I'm going to let Cheryl know,
cause she handles all the bookkeeping.
So I'll let Cheryl know that she could just continue
taking everything off, including the past ones
and put it on my credit card.
Yeah, yeah.
And she's got, they got that information.
As soon as I message her and I'll have her email you too.
As soon as we get off, I'll send a private message to her.
Appreciate it, thank you.
Just follow up and send you an email.
Yeah, OK.
Thank you.
You bet. Was that it?
Well, I've got a situation that's arisen.
I've been doing a God relationship.
Oh, yeah. Tell me about it.
We've been sort of helping this woman.
Her name is Catherine Louise
Blue Blow.
BLEAU. She's one of our girls on on on here.
And we've been sort of, you know, just.
I've been helping her along, let's just put it that way.
And then we just moved into a third level.
And but she's got a real.
Are you guys dating or are you caretaking for her?
I'm confused.
I want some clarity because I don't want you to be caretaking
for everybody, Kenton.
I don't want women to be taking advantage of you.
Like you're paying for one check to be in the program
and you're caretaking another woman.
Am I am I catching this right?
No, no. Just just the one girl.
OK, so this is one in the same.
A one in the same. You got it.
OK, so it's one of the same.
You're paying for her to be in the program.
Are you dating?
Yes and no, in the sense of we are seeing each other
every so often, but she's not committed.
And the reason why she's not committed
is because she's afraid her daughter, her daughter, three of them.
One doesn't like me whatsoever.
She's a card in herself.
But the other two,
for some odd reason, the first one is just
been so bad mouthing me that they think I'm a really bad person.
So she's afraid to talk to her girls about this.
So I've sent her off to counseling
to make sure she's got some sound counseling.
Well, they're they're going to be meeting this next week
because they're from Australia, some of them.
And I've asked her to chat with each and every one.
I'm sit down with them and talk to them, say
to find out what's going on,
because she'd like to move into a phase three,
but she's afraid that her girls are not going to like me.
And then that's if you're at phase two, then you guys have been dating.
You've been going out on dates.
Yeah, it'll be like every three or four months.
Yeah. How far away are you guys from each other?
About 20 minutes.
Wait, you're 20 minutes away from each other,
but you only date every three or four months.
It's one of those situations where.
God had to run into her life because she was so broken.
And I mean, that's one of the ministries I do is broken up
with dealing with broken hearted people.
I know, but you can't date those people, Kenton.
That's not good for you.
Yeah, I've broken every rule that's possible out there.
I know that. OK, so like you have, Brene,
you've broken a few of those rules.
I know, but like I'm that's not who I'm married to.
I mean, I do not care.
Take my husband. You do not.
OK, I want any of the other men to jump in if I'm being too hard.
And I love you, Kenton.
And that's why I make I'm being I'm tough loving you here,
because if you're going three or four months
in between a date with somebody who's in the program
doing her damn heart work and she's in, you're paying for the program.
And it doesn't matter.
Like, we're not bad mouthing her, but like.
How often do you talk?
Oh, we talk all the time.
I work up north, and so I'm gone for a week and back in for a week.
So it's like, why does her daughter not like you?
Oh, I paid a bill off for a long time ago, and her daughter told me about it.
And I need and her mother was was hounding the the person
that I had paid the bill off for to find out who paid it off.
And the person couldn't lie anymore.
And so I had to tell him that was me.
So her daughter found out that that I had to explain to her mother
that I paid for the bill, and she's never liked me ever since.
She doesn't like you because you paid off a bill that her mother had.
That's right, because I confronted her with her.
I says, you know what?
It's not a big deal.
And she says, well, you betrayed me.
OK. Oh, so you paid off a bill.
You let the daughter know.
And so the mother feels betrayed.
No, no. The daughter feels betrayed because she had let me know
in sort of a confidential manner.
I wish Mike was still on the call.
Where did Mike go, Abram?
Do you have some thoughts?
I feel like you're tracking with me.
I need you to jump in here, buddy.
Do you with the damn microphone?
I can't hear you.
Can you guys hear him?
This is what happened to my earbuds.
My earbuds are not tracking.
We can't hear him either.
I can't hear you at all.
Kenton can't hear you at all either.
Can you hear me though?
I know this is what happened to me in my class today.
Like people couldn't hear me on my earbuds.
I swear earbuds around are going down.
But yours are a headset.
Like if you go to like audio and you click,
dang it, okay, you just don't have it.
It's so it's not the audio.
Like when you go to audio, there's a test speaker.
It's like the microphone select a speaker.
Are you selecting the correct speaker?
Where if you go, if you click on the air for audio
and it says select a speaker,
make sure your speaker is your headset.
He's gonna turn it off for us people.
Cause I'm so upset.
I want you to have a say.
So anyway, so it's.
Well, Kenton, I'm just worried that you're getting
into a caretaking situation.
If you guys aren't even at a level three,
I'm just a little concerned that she's.
It's gonna take longer to give the full story, Renee.
A lot of them.
All right, well, I'm gonna make a note that next week,
David unpacks us a little bit more with you in the group.
I feel like it'll be really helpful.
I don't think David can handle this one.
Then book a private, then you need to book a private.
If you've got the money, book a private session with me
and let me help you through this.
Or else I'm gonna go kick her butt.
No, seriously.
I just, like, I just wanna make sure,
like you want a healthy, healed, whole woman that doesn't,
especially if you have a habit of rescuing people.
I'll tell you what, the next time I'm with you all,
we're gonna talk about the Cartman triangle.
It's the drama triangle where we're in the relationship,
where we're either the rescuer, the victim.
What?
I said, oh, no, yeah, keep going.
Or the aggressor.
And the problem is, like,
we all can fall in that rescuer role.
The problem is, though, the victim,
here's the thing with the drama triangle,
the victim that we think we're caretaking,
we're the rescuer, something will happen
and they'll get a little agitated
and they dump us in the aggressor category.
So even though we've been rescuing, rescuing, rescuing,
we get dumped over here and all of a sudden,
we're the bad guy.
Dave, I know that's happened to you.
Like, I feel like you've been the nice guy, the nice guy,
the rescuer, and all of a sudden, right?
You're not wrong.
I'm not wrong.
I'm gonna book a time with you when I get back from,
because I'm going back to work again on Wednesday morning.
I don't think you have time tomorrow to talk to you.
Yeah, but my calendar's on the thing.
If you go to the coaching page,
all my available times are on there.
So I'd be happy to, but if you see it open,
I'll make time for you, buddy, okay?
Oh, yeah, and ask that young lady too
why Catherine has not been able to get into stage three yet.
She's been here for over like six months or so.
She's not getting used.
She's not in the VIP yet, the VIP community?
No, she's not yet.
Okay.
All her work is done.
Okay, well, I'll make a note to Cheryl about that too.
Thank you, appreciate it.
You bet.
Yeah, I'll make it a point.
We'll talk to this one.
Yeah, we'll talk.
I got to run, gentlemen.
Bless you all, I'll talk to you again soon.
See, Chris, I'm a soft sell, can you tell?
Yeah.
I'm also a Yankee from the North and I'm a Sicilian.
I'm not just Italian, but I'm Sicilian.
So I'm a straight shooter.
Okay, but I'm a lot like Jackie.
Jackie's a straight shooter.
The guys will tell you, she's a straight shooter too.
Not sometimes when you're trying to talk,
trying to heal damaged people while dating them is hard.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, it is hard.
Like, and you guys, I'm like,
I ran a nonprofit for 20 years.
I get it.
Like my empathy button's this big.
Like I have been the caretaker.
So, you know, pot, kettle, block,
I say this from experience.
Is there any, it's 820.
We are kind of in a wrap it up kind of stage,
but this is what you're going to get, Chris,
on Monday nights.
It's going to be a hodgepodge of all of this,
but I really do want to encourage you and empower you
and everyone else hold you accountable to this.
Like, I feel like as you go through each week,
it's going to bring up these topics that will,
it will be a good conversation lead
for us to kind of go down those paths again
and stay in that mantra.
David, you had a question
and I know I want to get to that question before we hop off.
Yeah, so if we just could pause the recording for a second.
Yes.
Okay, folks, I accidentally hit pause,
but it was just for our ending closing prayer.
So this is.
our formal goodbye.
What was your question, David?
Was that session recorded?
Because I got some people messaging me.
Yeah.
It was.
They're trying to locate it.
OK.
I think David recorded it, or Jackie recorded it
on their phone.
And they're trying to figure it out.
Because people messaged me to check it out.
But I was like, oh, I don't think it's there.
Yeah, I think they recorded it.
But I think she did it from her phone.
And so they're trying to track it down right now.
OK.
You bet.
All right, you guys, have a great week.
Hey, Renee, I just want to say it was great seeing you.
And congratulations on your marriage.
Oh, thank you, Matthew.
I so appreciate that.
So good to hear from you, too.
And I'm going to be praying for big things for you, OK?
Yeah, I appreciate it.
Bye.
OK, bye.