All right, it's so good to see everybody, especially when the weather is the way that
it is.
Like I said, unless you're probably in Florida, I think most of you are probably been stuck
at home.
Am I right?
So like no dates are probably even happening.
You can't even get on the road.
So I know it's definitely put a kink in my plans over the last week.
I've got a women's retreat coming up in Oklahoma over the weekend.
I'm supposed to leave on Thursday and I'm like, is that going to happen?
I have no idea.
So so yes, I hope everyone's staying warm.
Thank you, y'all.
Like I legit my husband literally 20 minutes ago looked at me, he's like, you're going
to have to do something because you literally look like you rolled out of bed.
And I looked at him.
I said, because I literally did just roll out of bed.
So y'all, I hit this with a curling iron super quick.
I did my eyebrows and my lips and that was it.
Like you'll be amazed of how you can look on camera and having to do minimal.
So I know several weeks ago we did a live where we kind of did a, you know, how to come
presentable if you're doing a video call.
Our goal is to do that like every six weeks.
So as we get new ladies coming in, or if you missed a live and you missed that, or
you know, you came and you're like, yeah, that just didn't hit.
Like I need another coaching on that.
We're hopefully going to be able to start incorporating just some weekly teachings that
we're just going to hit like once every six weeks.
Okay.
So just keep that in mind.
We're kind of shifting things up again a little bit, but you, many of you are probably not
going to know the difference.
I mean, I'll be honest.
I've been doing this for about two years, over two years now as a coach, I've been in
this program since the very beginning in 2020 as a single myself and the success story.
So I do have some experience with Jackie, with the program, with what we coach here,
what we teach, the ups, the downs, the inside outs, the, the guardrails, the stepping over
the guardrails and what happens when you step over the guardrails and then just how to kind
of redirect yourself.
Like just know I've been there, I've done that.
Like I've got the t-shirt if you will.
Okay.
So for those of you that don't know me, I am Carla Johnson.
I am one of your coaches here at last year.
You will see me mostly in phase two, but that does not mean that I do not hop in from time
to time in phase one.
So if you just recently came from phase one, I know I've spent a little bit of time in
there over the last couple of months.
And then I and myself and Ebony are typically in here phase two, most of the time I do pop
in and with my comments in phase three, especially for my ladies that I'm always trying to like
the keeping me updated that I've, you know, built rapport with people I've coached one
on one with and such like that.
So you'll see me all over, but mostly I'm currently right now in phase two.
So do I have any new ladies on today that are brand new to phase two?
Anybody?
Maybe this is not like you're new, like you're not new to phase two, the call, but maybe
this is the first time you've come to the one o'clock.
I know.
Yes.
Is it Rosanna?
Rosanna?
Yes.
So I get it.
The one o'clock hour is not always the best time, which I get it because like most of
most people are working like it's hard or people will come in and they can't come on
camera because they're literally just coming in to listen.
They can't participate and engage.
So that's why we do have those two calls.
I personally love this one o'clock time because it's a smaller group.
And I feel like I get to know you ladies a little bit more intimately.
That's just, I'm such a relational person, not that any of the other coaches aren't,
but that's just where me personally is my comfort zone.
So I enjoy this, this hour or two, really, let's be real, like it typically lasts close
to two hours.
My goal is always 90 minutes and no more, but I struggle, I'm working on it.
So yeah, for those of you don't know me, that's who I am.
A couple of housekeeping items, I'm not going to take too much time on this.
Again, just welcoming those of you that are brand new to phase one or in replay, so maybe
you're not on right now.
live, but you're going to be watching this and replaying. We want you to feel
welcomed here. We don't want you to feel lost. I know sometimes, you know, you
come out of that comfort, you know, that warm, cozy blanket in phase one, doing
all that comforting heartwork. And then we get so comfortable there. And then
it's like, we're gonna throw you out in the ice cold. Yeah, she's shaking her
head. Exactly. So it's like winter right now. Like it would be like, we've had
several snow days, and then it's like, okay, you've had enough snow days, we're
gonna throw you out. And we just want you to feel like that's not the case. We're
never gonna like force you out and to do something that is out of your comfort
zone. We are going to stretch you, but we are never here to make it
uncomfortable. We're here to walk alongside you. So if you ever find
yourself like, I'm like in a panic, or I feel like a deer in headlights. Let us
know like, you're not alone. Chances are, someone on the call or in this
community has experiencing it in the moment, or have, I can assure you, myself
and Ebony and any of the coaches in this program, we've done this program, and
we've been in that position. All right, I've, I've, I've seen it all. I've done
it all. I assure you, I've had moments of highs, and I've had moments of some
really, really lows. Okay. So I've had moments where I've wanted nothing to do
with this group, but I forced myself in it anyway. And then I've had moments
where I'm like, it has literally been my lifeline. So just keep that in mind. And
so you're gonna force yourself to go to the gym. God bless you. Um, yeah, that's
that girl. That's good for you. Get yourself in the gym. I have not been out
of my house in days, like we haven't even gotten in the car. Like me and my
husband had to go pick up some food from like, like, there's that we have a
pretty large neighborhood and I have been utilizing everybody's like, personal
businesses, like to pour into people's like business, because I'm not getting
out and I'm not trying to cook. I mean, I had Girl Scouts delivering Girl Scout
cookies to me because I'm like, this is great. And this is an excuse for me to
eat Girl Scout cookies. Normally, I wouldn't do that. But it's, it's a snow
day. It's totally okay. So I'm sitting here supporting everybody's business in
the neighborhood. And my husband and I looked at each other like, is it even
safe to go out on the road? Like, are we allowed to drive in the neighborhood?
Because we literally have not been out. So I'm more power to your girl. I'm
cheering you on. I want an update. How'd that go for you? Okay, I'm gonna be
looking for that update in the chat. So yes, welcome to those of you that are
brand new, or maybe just maybe you're just coming back. You've been out of
phase two for a moment. And you're like, Okay, I got to get back into the swing.
I think so. We welcome you. Just a reminder. This is a place for you to
receive. This is not a place for you to put your teacher hat on your coach hat
on your leader hat on. There's so many of us ladies that are boss babes. I know I
have so many ladies that you all are versatile and you are multi talented. And
you have so many gifts and talents. And you know, if you were like me, it was
really hard for me to receive. And it was really easy for me just to kind of
overextending gift. And so I just want this to be a just gentle reminder, this
is your place to receive. Go and encourage your sisters. Don't go in and
coach them. Don't like let let myself and Ebony pick up that that work. Like,
that's what we're here for. Okay. I'm definitely share your journeys, ask your
questions, share your experiences, all that good stuff. Don't rush through this
phase, just like phase one, you know, you've probably heard it several times
in phase one, don't rush it. The growth truly happens in those foundational
stages of heartwork. And then now that we're going to start releasing you into
dating. And as you get comfortable with that, it's okay to take it slow here.
All right, it's okay not to rush out of it, like to rush into it. Now that
doesn't mean that there aren't some ladies in here that they just their
personality is like, let's dive in. Let's go off the deep dive. I mean, I'm
diving into 20 feet of water. Let's go let's do some flips into the water like
they're ready to go just because that's their personality doesn't mean that's
required of you. That's what they're choosing works for them. You get to pace
this however you want to and however God leads you. You all are on your own
journeys. Don't compare yourself to anybody else. That is the biggest advice
that I can give. Because if I did that, and actually I'll say I did do that. I'm
was to be honest with you ladies.
I did do that I got frustrated because I was like why is it happening so quickly
for everybody else why is everybody else getting dates quicker and it doesn't
seem like anybody's knocking on my door or I go on these dates and no one wants
a second date with me what's wrong with me I'm showing up I'm doing everything
that Jackie's asking me to do and these people hardly show up why are they
getting the dates why are they getting the ring on their finger so quickly it
was so easy for me to fall into that trap and so I say that for my own
experience and I say that knowing that there will probably be one or two of you
that will fall there and it's okay if you find yourself there I really do
want you to encourage come and share it in our community there is no shame
there's no guilt that needs to be put on you you're a real person you have
feelings and it's okay to feel that I'm gonna leave that space for you to feel
it we like to say here feel the feels so you can heal the feels 100% if you
can't feel it then you're gonna avoid it and you're not gonna be able to heal it
it's never gonna get brought to light if you're not gonna allow yourself to feel
it and if you aren't gonna be honest and own it and be truthful about it then it
just stays in the dark that doesn't work for anybody I mean I'm saying that
from my own experience and that doesn't work just in your single life ladies
that will work in your married life too okay I'm learning that now as a fairly
newlywed we've been married a little over two years like we're having to grow
and like we got some feelings that are starting to reveal because that's just
what happens in relationship and I think I just froze for a hot minute did I
freeze for a second my computer froze on me but I think I'm back online okay so
just keep that in mind don't rush I don't think I saw many people doing the
activations this week it might be because we really didn't talk a lot
about it I am gonna give you ladies an activation this week I hope you will
enjoy it and like it I think it's going to encourage you I think it's going to
connect you ladies more at least that's my my desire and just get us into our
comfort zone and really stepping into a more confident self okay so the topic
today is going to be online dating okay and just dating in general I really like
online dating dating in general okay a lot of it has to do with online dating
and preparing our minds for what dating is going to look like so that's what
we're going to talk about today so I'll share some activations here after our
teaching and then just to remind you ladies continue to post your questions
in the app I'm getting updated on a few of those with the snow delays and my
kids being up my rear end it's kept me pretty occupied Karen you get it like
some of you ladies are laughing with me could probably know you know it's like I
have older children that it's like you're not toddlers why am I having to
do so much for you right now like I could have three toddlers and I feel
like I had more time then I have a 10 a 14 and a 16 year old and I'm like why
so yeah I'm catching up on those but I do want to again we kind of always
announce this ladies if you are ever in this situation where you're like these
group coaching calls and teaching calls and the posting in the app just doesn't
seem to fulfill that you're like I just need a little bit more we do offer one
on one sessions it is additional charge okay but it is an option if you feel
that it is necessary for you but it is not a requirement it doesn't mean oh
you're not going to get the same healing and breakthrough if you can't
have a one-on-one with somebody that's just not true okay so when I was in this
program we really didn't have a whole lot of one-on-one we had a little times
where Jackie would you know be able to kind of pour into us because it wasn't
so big but we didn't have as many coaches back then it really was just
Jackie so just know it's not required to get breakthrough what I will say helps
with the breakthrough is when you are engaged in community and you are posting
you're showing up you're commenting you're you know being real with what's
going on in your life that's when we'll see a lot of growth those coaching
sessions are 50 minutes five zero okay sometimes that first call might be like
an extra five or ten minutes
because we're just trying to like talk about the logistics of what that will
look like if you've never done a one-on-one call before okay and then
we'll give you an intake form when you go into like it's on the resource page
of our app there is a little icon and say hire a coach and when you go in and
hire a coach you'll when you go in and hire you'll get like there's five
questions I will encourage you ladies fill that out as detailed as possible
it's not mandatory but I will tell you you will get so much more out of your 50
minutes if you just share it all so you're not spending 30 minutes giving us
the backstory on a 50-minute call I had that one time it was good now luckily
this person had three that she booked three calls with me so it was good to
have her dissect what she was experiencing for those 30 minutes but if
she was only gonna do one call there wasn't a whole lot of coaching I could
do in the last 20 minutes now she booked the second call and we got a
little deeper and then she's still gonna eventually book that third call when she
works through a couple of things and she's gonna meet with me again so just
that gives you a little bit of an idea Stephanie no worries I know you're here
you are my girl that always shows up and you are always absorbing stuff so I
totally get to you so yes I answered that question you do have a few
questions in app okay I will definitely be touching base on those today and
tomorrow before I leave for my women's retreat I am literally gonna have no
electronics like I have to turn in my phone but Ebony is still here when I'm
on my retreat just FYI and then I still come back and I always still go and
check in and see how y'all are doing so just I might not comment on your stuff
but I do read your stuff so let's see I'm just going through the chat real
quick before we jump in okay good Sam yeah Sam I know you and I have unpacked
a lot in this community and I think have I kept up to date on all of your posts I
don't know if I've responded to everyone all quite yet but I know you
you've shared some success you're good okay good I've seen some of your posts
and it seems like you're doing well so I'm talking to Sam because she's she's
frequently showing up and posting in the app and she's showing up on the calls
and so I again when you ladies are doing that again I'm not trying to specifically
call out one person just know like the more you ladies show up whether it's on
here or in the app like we're gonna start making those connections with you
so just keep that in mind like again and that's super helpful I had to learn that
when I was in the community too if you if you're someone that is scared to be
vulnerable we get it 100% and share that with us we're not gonna make you like
dredge it all out but if you're like hey I struggle with vulnerability I need I
need to ease into this let us know that and the grace and the space is here for
you we totally get it okay but like I said we always want to continue to
stretch you so that you can continue to grow okay okay you have to get off at
150 but no rush got it okay well we're 20 minutes after I'm gonna go ahead and
dive in I'm gonna stick to my bullet point I see two hands up so Michaela
you're one of those and you're the one that has to jump off and I see Audrey's
got her question if anybody else has questions that they want answered go
ahead and put your hand up now and then as we're going through the content of
another question comes up you can raise your hand and I will try to get to all
of them at the end and then and maybe if I see all the hands it's going to keep
me in check to kind of get through this material and if I need to slow down to
say hey Carla can you slow it down because I'm taking notes and it's always
in read place if you have to go back and watch it okay so we're going to talk
about online dating today and so before we even kind of get into that all
together we're going to just kind of talk about our heart posture for a
moment with that okay my chat is not wanting to scroll and I see things
coming in so um all right so before we talk this whole strategy of online
dating we've got to talk heart posture here okay this is important not everyone
there's always a few of you or a lot of you depends on who's in my group that
you just don't want to do online dating I get it I was one of those people I was
I was like no I've been there
done that it's, you know, bad experiences, you know, before
heartwork, you know, so I get that. So we're going to talk
about heart posture first here. So what I want to share with you
ladies is, as a reminder, online dating is not going to be your
savior. Okay, keep that in mind. Online dating is not your
savior. It's not a verdict of your worth. Sometimes it can,
you can go into online dating, and then you're not getting any
likes or people aren't responding to you. And it's
very easy all of a sudden to feel like there must be
something wrong. No, that's not it. Sometimes it's just the
algorithm. Sometimes it's the app you chose. Sometimes it's
the area that you live in. And that's just not the app that
people are using in the area that you live in. That happens.
It does. It's not the verdict of your worth, period. And it's
not a detour from God's love story for you. Okay? If God's
not got a love story, and it's intertwined in online dating, it
doesn't mean that you get online dating that you're screwing up
God's love story for you. Like I get people all the time. You
know what, Carla, God just told me that I'm not going to meet my
husband online. Okay, cool. That's fine. He doesn't have to.
But we're not jumping into online dating. Thinking that's
where our husband is going to be. We're just using it as a
tool right now. That's it. Okay, so it's just about being like
check out check our heart right here. It's really just a tool.
And that tool will work best. If you have a surrendered heart,
and you literally hold it loosely in your hands. Okay,
going back to those beginning chapters of heartwork, having
that supernatural surrender, you will have to supernaturally
surrender the idea of online dating as well. Okay, some of
it is easier for others. And some of it isn't. I get it. Like
I said, I was not a fan. But I use it as a tool. And it
actually grew me and benefited me in so many ways. Okay. So if
you're entering online dating, and you are bitter, you're
exhausted, you're guarded, and you really aren't healed,
you're going to know you're guarded because you're going to
be really resistant to whole online dating, which again,
we've all been there. I don't think I've ever met a person
that's not at one point been like, to online dating at some
point in their life. Even some of the most bubbly ladies that
you'll meet in here. I assure you there have been a moment in
their life where they're like, I am done. I was there. I was
like, that's it. I can not I can't swipe anymore. I can't
get another message from somebody. I am so over this.
Okay. Like, I was just not in a good space. Okay. So if you're
bitter, exhausted, guarded, you're not feeling really
healed. If you're hoping that someone else is going to fix
this ache in you and that you're looking at it because you're
just wanting to be filled, that's when it's okay to put a
pause. If you are experiencing any of those emotions, it's okay
to press pause. If you need a week or two and just say, I need
a break. I need to go have some fun with my girlfriends. I need
to connect with my family. I need to go spend some time with
my grandchildren. I need to go invest more in my kids. I need
to go like spend a little time and energy on my business.
You're allowed to do that. You're allowed to press pause.
Okay. I want you ladies be checking in with your heart on a
weekly basis when you're online dating. Okay. The first
principle with this, I want you ladies to write down if you're
taking notes, is go in with the fresh attitude or don't go in
at all. If you're not going to have a fresh attitude about
online dating, don't go into it right away. Give yourself some
time to process it with us. If you need a little extra space
and you need to walk that through with us coaches, we're
giving you the grace and space to do that. Okay. A fresh
attitude does not mean that you're afraid because guess
what? A fresh attitude could still mean that you're slightly
nervous about it. It just means like God, I trust you with my
heart and my timing and my discernment. It is a surrender.
I'm going to have an attitude of surrender and I'm going to
be open. Doesn't mean
And then I'm not gonna be scared of it.
Doesn't mean that there are not gonna be moments
where I might get a little anxious.
That's okay.
I got a community of sisters
that probably get where I'm coming from
and I can share it there.
I can let my anxiety out there in my community, okay?
So just real quick before I move on,
before we even start talking more about strategy,
I want you all to do a quick heart check
right now in this moment, okay?
We're not here to judge you.
You all are literally your own heart check.
And I want you, this is about honesty
and it's about surrender.
In one word or two, what posture are you bringing
into the idea of online dating right now?
One word.
Two, if you can't really fit in one word.
Got excited, that's good.
Exhausted, fun, dread, anticipation.
Like maybe even like an expectancy.
Like you don't know what to expect
but you're anticipating something to happen.
I love that, Cynthia.
She's like profile.
What are you feeling about your profile?
Like, are you feeling excited about it?
Are you like, I'm nervous about it
because I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
So we're gonna talk about our profiles here in a moment.
We got some disengagement.
So I want you ladies to kind of see,
do you all see how there's some overlap?
Do you see how some of you are in one space
and some of you are in another?
It's okay.
Not everyone is going to be in that same space.
So those of you that are like, I'm a little discouraged,
I'm disengaged at the moment,
I'm dreading it.
Guess what?
You're not alone.
There's other women in community
that are right there with you.
And us coaches are fully aware of that.
And we've been there too.
So when you show up in the app
and hear with your questions, let us know that.
We're gonna help you unpack that.
We're not gonna rush you to get excited.
We're gonna help you prepare your heart to get excited.
We're gonna help you prepare your heart
to be open to it.
And if it means just that, Carla, I just need a pause,
we're gonna give you that space.
Okay?
And then you'll see that there's some ladies here
that they're excited.
You're gonna see those women are gonna be excited
to share about their experiences.
And there's nothing wrong with that either.
I want you ladies to share the excitement
that you're experiencing.
It's going to give encouragement
in the moment.
And it's actually gonna give encouragement
to some of those ladies that are still not quite sure
if they're ready for it yet.
So if they see you ladies having fun with it,
when they get their hearts ready for it,
they're gonna remember, you know what,
there's women in here that have enjoyed it.
So if they can enjoy it, then I can too.
Okay?
So just keep that in mind.
All right?
You don't need to change your perspective
of how you feel about it at all.
I'm not saying, if you felt dread,
I'm not saying, okay, by the end of this call,
I want you to not feel dread.
If you're excited about this,
I'm not gonna be like, okay, by the end of this call,
I'm hoping that maybe you're not gonna be as excited
and you're gonna be a little bit more worried.
Like, that's not what I'm doing either.
Okay?
So just keep that in mind.
Just know God is ready to meet you exactly where you're at.
Same with us coaches.
We're not here to pretend.
We're just here to be ready.
Be ready for what God has for you.
You do not have to pretend here.
Okay?
So the second principle that we're gonna go into
is go in to actually date.
So ask yourself, why are you really dating?
And this will make more sense as I get there.
You're not going into online dating just to window shop.
You're not going in there
just to get attention from people, to get likes,
to sit there and have a pen pal.
Like, you're there to date, ladies.
We're not there just to sit there
and just have these long heartfelt conversations
at 11 o'clock at night when you're in your pajamas
and you just need to be comforted
and you're eating your Girl Scout cookies
that you had delivered because you're snowed in
and you can't get anywhere.
You know?
Like, you're in it for intention.
putting it into practice. You're not going into it to spiritually psycho
analyze complete strangers. Y'all it's easy to do that like especially if
you're like me I'm a very like intuitive person and I can discern things very
easy it's very easy so easy for me to like like talk to men when I was online
dating and I could literally be like he's anxious and he had this happen in
his life and this is how he's gonna show up when he's on a date and you know what
this is probably gonna make him not a very good potential partner oh but this
can make him a bit y'all no stranger it's we don't need to go in there to do
that you're there to like get to know people to date in real life okay so go
in it to actually date because dating is a skill and those skills are developed
through practice not perfection. I'm gonna be real with you ladies I was not
the best dater in the very beginning like I probably did it all wrong that's
okay and even after some some work I still probably was doing some things a
little not so what I should have been doing you know I was a deep diver I
wanted like I just wanted to overshare just needed to get to know somebody like
I'm an open book but I'm an open book Jackie I'm okay with everybody knowing
anything about me I have nothing to hide and she's like Carla they don't need to
know your whole life they are strangers okay so just keep that in mind this is
literally a skill this is a place and dating in general this is not just
online dating this is dating in general it is a place for you to learn what you
enjoy it's a place for you to learn how to communicate I will tell you a lot of
times what I notice as a coach the struggles with dating actually comes
because we've never really learned how to communicate relationships sometimes
don't go well because people don't know how to communicate with it one another
like I can't tell you the dating if you practice communicating and dating you
are gonna make your marriage a whole lot easier if you can practice communicating
with someone especially communicating with someone that doesn't that's not a
good communicator or doesn't communicate the way that you do because chances are
ladies you don't marry someone that doesn't communicate the way that you do
because fun fact they're men they communicate way differently than we do I
mean I literally could probably pull my husband out and be like honey come come
verify do we communicate the same and he's gonna be like oh heck no like we
will sit in like circles of conversation and like not like repeat ourselves over
and over again and like reword things I mean like what do you mean you don't get
it I just told you five different ways like you don't get it like because we
literally we just don't have the same communication style as one another so
let the dating process help you practice that if not for nothing you don't have
to like that's what I'm saying like sometimes I like it I don't know how I
feel that I don't know if I'm really attracted to him but that's okay just go
see how you communicate can you communicate with somebody that might
might communicate differently than you do it's just for practice you're not
gonna hurt his feelings all right as long as you're checking your heart and
you're not sitting there like expecting something from someone too soon too
early we're gonna help you pace emotionally right like there's no harm
no foul okay and then again we're gonna put boundaries on the physical stuff too
because then that can get little we talked about boundaries last week more
reiterate that again we really don't want to be crossing any physical
boundaries whatsoever especially in in level two okay as you get to know
someone in level two there could be a hand holding a hug I will say you're not
kissing anybody until exclusive level three and I know some people argue with
me about that that's fine it's no hard rules here but I'm gonna be very I'm
gonna tell you from my own experience it is ideal not to be kissing people until
you are an exclusive relationship and then we definitely not have sex before
marriage ladies and I know that's been a hot topic that always is a hot topic
and we can always dive into that even some more and unpack that
more. I've even brought it to the team like, hey, I would really love us to
really get some good resources on this. So just know that's in the works, okay?
It's there for you to learn how to emotionally pace intimacy. I was not good
at this. I fell in too quick, too soon. Because I was just like, oh, they're
magical. They're wonderful. This is great. The sparks are there. Look,
he's just so perfect on paper. Look how hot he is. He's so gorgeous.
I'm like, done, sold. I just so want a husband. He said the right words.
He's like Jesus with skin on it, ladies. I only met him once. Or maybe not at all.
Maybe it's just on a video chat or just in messaging back and forth.
I'd be like, I'm sold. I'm smitten on this guy. No, we need to pace that
emotional intimacy. I know I laugh about it now. I know I'm
laughing about it because that was me. So no, if you struggle with that, I am not
laughing at you. I'm laughing because I was there. And I am a safe place and I
will help work through it with you, okay? I've been there, all right? And it's also
the online dating and dating in general is just a way to learn how to stay
grounded instead of attaching too quickly. That's really, really healthy.
This is where that heart work, you start seeing how heart work really is working
in you and how healed heart work has actually been incorporated in. You're
gonna realize, well, I really have healed because you're gonna start
practicing it and dating and you're gonna start showing up in ways that you
never thought you could show it before, okay? Next thing, handling
realities without losing your peace, okay? So with online dating, there are some
realities that you're just gonna have to be open to, okay? We're not gonna
sugarcoat it. You are going to encounter scammers. There are gonna be
people that ghost you. You are gonna encounter some wishy-washy men and men
who just don't know what they want. They're out there. You're not gonna be
able to filter them all out, okay? So the next principle, principle three, you just
have to pass them by and that's gonna be easier said than done and you want to
know why? Because there's heart wounds wrapped up in all of that and when we
recognize it, we're gonna process through those heart wounds. So if you are
recognizing you're getting super offended and super irritated and super
frustrated and mad like you are just feeling it and you're now you're
starting to label men in general. All these men online are like this. All men
want our sex. All men, you know, they're just so inappropriate, you know. Ladies,
that's a heart wound. That's a lie that's creeping in that you're
believing. Are you gonna encounter that? Most likely, but when our heart is
starting to really get jaded by that, that's where it's internal and there
needs to be some healing taking place. So I'm just reminding you if you keep that
focus of I'm just gonna pass them by. Now, that doesn't mean you're not gonna need
our help to help you coach how to pass them by. That's what we're here for. I had
several of those. There'd be some guys and I'm like, okay, bye. Like I'm not
interested in that at all and then for some reason there'd be one or two that
come and I just be triggered in all sorts of ways. Like I would be like, okay,
I'm healed through this and I'm healed through that and then all of a sudden it
was like a guy made a comment about, you know, dating younger women and I'd be
like, excuse me? Like I was in my late 30s so when guys would talk about dating
20 year olds, I would take that so offensively. Want to know why? Because my
husband, not my husband, my son's father left me for someone who was 12 years
younger than me. That was a wound and then when I would go on dates with
people, if they were dating someone that was a bit younger than me that I liked,
that was a wound. Okay, so this is the key to remember. It is not your job.
to teach a man how to date.
All right, you're gonna get all this information.
You're gonna be like,
but that's not the way they should be dating.
That's not the way Jackie and my coaches have taught me.
Ladies gotta remember, they don't have coaches.
They don't have us.
And even if they did, sometimes they don't always listen.
Okay, I mean, we have men in our community
and just because they've been in our community
doesn't mean that they've all like processed heartwork
the way that we have.
Heck, there's some of you women in here,
like I'm not trying to call you out,
there are some women in here
that have not done their heartwork
the way that they probably need to do their heartwork.
There's women in phase three right now
that they left my phase two and I'm like,
you weren't ready.
You didn't do your heartwork
and you're gonna feel it in phase three.
So if some of us women can't do it, guess what?
Not all the men do either.
And just because a man hasn't been in heartwork
doesn't mean that he hasn't done any healing and heartwork.
My husband is like the prime example.
He did not go through the heartwork program,
but he went through counseling
and he literally has worked through a lot of his stuff.
Now we get to work through heartwork together.
We're actually doing the couple's heartwork right now.
So that's a lot of fun.
I have to take my coaching hat off.
Like I've literally been told by Jackie,
like Carla, you're not allowed to coach him.
And I'm like, what?
But I know this material.
She's like, uh-uh, you're his wife.
Okay, so keep that in mind, ladies.
You've been through the heartwork.
It's not your responsibility to coach any of these guys.
It's also not gonna be a responsibility
for any exclusive relationship you get into,
any engagement that you get into,
any marriage that you get into to coach these men.
You're not the mamas.
You're not the teacher.
They are gonna have to have accountability
in other places.
They're gonna have to have spiritual accountability
in other areas.
They're gonna give grace there.
Some of them are gonna come in with it
and it's gonna look beautiful.
Some of them are gonna have certain things
and then there's something else lacking
and you're just gonna have to give it to God
and let God work that out, okay?
It's not your job to teach them emotional maturity.
You won't come across a lot of men
that just don't have emotional maturity, okay?
That's just a given.
It's not your job to make him do his heartwork.
You cannot force him and tell him,
I'm not gonna date you until you do your heartwork.
That's manipulation.
Go back to your Divine Feminine video
and that toxic feminine.
When women show up in this manipulation and control,
that's toxic.
So it's not your job to tell them to do the heartwork.
It's not your job to share the gospel with them
while you're on a dating app.
And I know a lot of people,
oh, no, but God told me we're supposed
to share the gospel with everybody.
Not on a dating app.
You can evangelize where God shows you to evangelize.
It ain't in a dating app.
It's not on a date, okay?
It's just not.
We're not missionary dating here.
Not going on dates to win people over for Jesus.
God will call you on another path to do that.
Okay, if that's your purpose
and God's given you that gift
to be able to preach the gospel and speak into people
and bring, you're a fisher of men.
God's gonna give you another avenue.
He's not gonna say, oh, here, honey,
go do this on a dating app.
No, he's not.
I assure you, he's not gonna do that.
And it's not your job to convince them
that you are worth showing up for.
You are not going to have to convince
that any man that you're his wife.
It is not your job.
He gonna see that, God's gonna tell him,
boy, you need to look at that woman
because she can't, you better snag that.
You better put a ring on that at some point.
You better get to know her.
Because he who finds a wife finds favor with the Lord.
That's Proverbs 18, 22.
Proverbs 18, 22.
God will speak to your husbands and let him know.
He better open it.
God knows how to slap some sense into you.
And he will slap some sense into some men.
Don't think he won't.
He slaps some sense into me
and he does that to me all the time.
Because that's just how I sometimes need
to hear God speak to me.
Because I can be pretty stubborn, believe it or not.
Anybody else?
Anybody else like a stubborn one
that sometimes God just has to like, oh, honey.
So keep that in mind, all right?
You don't need to convince any man
if he doesn't see you for being.
wife, then it's okay. Your husband will. You don't need to confront, you're not going
to need closure, and you don't need to educate. It's not your job. If a guy acts out of line
and says something completely inappropriate, you don't have to confront him about it. That's
when we call, it's time to bless and block him. Boy, bye. You don't even have to tell
him you're blocking him. He's sending you text messages, you block his number through
your phone service. You can do that. You don't need to see those messages. He's getting super
offensive with you and calling you names and criticizing you. No, no sir. Bye. I don't
know you. I'm not in an exclusive relationship with you. Here's the thing ladies, you're
not going to be in exclusive relationships with those type of men because you're pacing
yourself well. Period. You're bringing all of your dating experiences to us so we can
see your blind spots. Discernment will look like quiet disengagement. You might be discerning
something like if a guy is sitting there criticizing you and is telling you you're
wrong about something. Let's just say you are, maybe you've had two in-person dates.
The two of you are on the phone one afternoon and you're having a conversation and you were
talking about a service that you saw. Maybe it's tonight and you're talking with them
about the service that your pastor gave over the weekend. There's a disagreement. Maybe
there's like, well, I don't quite see it that way. If he is a respectful man, there's going
to be a way where you can both agree to disagree. Now, if he's sitting there criticizing you
and basically telling you that you're wrong and I'm going to say it's going to come thick
and it's not going to feel good for you and if you need to talk it out with us, you can
share it with us. We'll let you know. Sometimes if they come off that way, sometimes it's just
ask them a question and see how they respond to that question. Sometimes that question is
a boundary to see if it's enough to kind of get them in check to see if they're like,
they check themselves. So, I mean, if it's something like that, like you've gone on two
in-person dates and all of a sudden he starts criticizing you. I mean, here's a big topic.
There are some people like, and again, I don't want to cause any rift here.
This has happened in our community. It personally has happened even when I was
single with one of the girls I was close with. She believed that, I mean, women could be pastors.
She was dating a guy that was like, women are not allowed to be preachers and everybody has their
own opinion on that, okay? So, we're not going to argue that right here in this chat right here,
but there was a level of disagreement for the two of them, okay? He was downright
talking down to her, criticizing her, and that was all she needed to discern to say,
you know what? I really appreciate that we've been getting to know each other. I've enjoyed
those two dates. I think now is probably a good time. I don't think that we're going to
continue this romantically. I really do wish the best of luck.
You can bless someone on their way and use some disengagement there. Does that make sense?
So, that's one way. Okay, we've got a few more and we're almost done here, I promise, okay?
Your profile. Keep in mind, this is not a resume. It's an invitation.
So, your profile needs to reflect clarity, joy, and approachability.
Your photos. Here's some guidelines. At least one close-up photo. Do a full-length photo.
I'm going to say don't include photos with sunglasses. Unless you have a lot of others,
maybe one, but I want to see your eyeballs. Men want to see your eyes. That's a feature that a
lot of men really love. Eyes and smile. So, yes, lady, the photos that you post,
make sure you're smiling. All right, you want to look feminine and inviting. No one looks,
we're not
I'm doing the, what is it, the,
when selfies started coming out like this,
I'm gonna date myself because this kind of happened
when I first like had social media.
Everyone had the selfie, the duck face, the.
We don't want that, ladies.
Rosanna, you're laughing at me
because you know what I'm talking about.
You do.
And y'all, like the teenage girls still do that.
I still see girls, like I'm out,
like even with my teenage daughter,
and like my daughter doesn't have a phone.
We just got my 16-year-old son a phone,
and it's just like text and talk.
There's no like internet, social media.
But we'll see kids just sitting there,
and you see these girls like,
and I'm like, are kids still doing that?
Like what?
Ladies, you need to go through your profiles.
If you've got any of those, take them off, okay?
We want smiling photos, okay?
You wanna be warm and inviting.
And don't do a bunch of group shots.
I'm just gonna say, if you can crop people out,
and I say that because oftentimes,
if you've got a lot of group shots,
there are some men that they're just quickly,
they don't know who you are.
They might see, if you've got a couple group shots,
and that same friend is in the same,
they might think your friend is the person
that's the profile.
Like, just don't, don't.
Like, even if your mom's there,
because I can't tell you, oh, is that your sister?
Like, what?
Guys will do that.
Or they're like, oh, that's your mom,
and then it is your sister.
Like, that's gonna be real awkward.
Or hey, is that your sister, and it's your grandmother?
Like, y'all, like.
So try to limit yourself.
So try to eliminate those as best as possible.
If you have questions about it,
or there's just this one that you're like,
I really love this, this really, like, captures,
you know, what I'm about.
Like, we can, again, there's no hard rules.
We're just gonna wanna, we're hoping that we see a mixture,
and we see several close-ups, at least a full-length,
nothing that's distracting, okay?
Your joy is gonna be magnetic.
Your confidence is gonna be without performance.
Confidence is attractive.
You don't have to perform your confidence.
When you start performing,
that sometimes doesn't translate as attractive.
Words, so when you're using your words for your profile,
you wanna be positive about who you are.
You wanna share about what you enjoy.
And you also wanna make sure
that you're communicating qualities and characteristics
that you find attractive in a positive way.
I cannot stress this enough.
Don't list the things that you don't want.
I don't want a guy
that's not gonna open the doors for me.
That's negative.
You can say, I value chivalrous men,
men that open doors for all women, okay?
My ladies that are in Texas, you know what I mean.
That's apparent, that's was,
I learned that's a thing in Texas.
I was dating in Florida.
I married a Texas man
and all my friends now in my Texas area,
like men in Texas, like it is a thing.
Like their mamas teach them to open doors,
teach them to pump the gas.
Like that was foreign to me.
Like I would get on my husband and be like,
I would just go open my door
and my husband would like get mad at me.
He's like, shut that door.
And I'm like, you don't keep me in this hot Texas car.
Honey, you need to run over here.
And he's like, I will get to it.
You don't open your door.
Same thing when we go up to a place,
like I will just want to go reach for the door
and he'll snap at me.
Like, don't you dare.
And I'm like, and sometimes I'll just sit there
and I'm like, impatiently waiting.
Like, can you come open this door?
Again, like, but like share the,
like share it in a positive way.
Don't share it negatively.
Okay.
And then fill out everything that you can on a profile.
I know that not all men are going to read it,
but just do your best to fill it out.
You know, you're going to like it when other men fill it out.
So just do your best to fill it out.
You know, all the photos,
any of the prompts that are there, if there's questions.
I know some nowadays, not when I was online dating,
that they even have spots now for videos.
They can post videos.
They didn't have that.
I did a lot of Facebook dating and at the time they didn't,
I think now there might be a spot
if you do Facebook dating where videos is an option.
So principle number four, clarity filters for you.
Clear, being clear and like having that clarity,
it's going to do your filtering,
most of your filtering for you.
It really will.
Okay, if men who are intimidated by your clarity, they're not your assignment.
They just aren't. And this also means that doesn't mean that men aren't, you're not
gonna have to deal with some men that don't filter themselves out. You don't,
you're gonna see that there's some men that they're just gonna, they're just
gonna attempt it. You don't have to be offended by it. This is when we apply
that principle of just pass them by. That's it. Okay. Pacing communication
with wisdom. That's next. Somebody was posting this earlier. Like, I encourage
you ladies, do not be in more than one or two online communities. Three max if
you have the capacity for it. You can use free options like Facebook dating
hinge. Those were some good places to start. There's no, I know someone injured
like, hey, where was their recommended sites? Everyone's gonna have something
that works for them. Us coaches are gonna share with you what worked for us. Many
of us share Facebook dating because that was really honestly the most promising. I
know myself. I know Bethany. I know Renee. I think Ebony uses Facebook dating. She
might use another one or two. I, I, she will probably share that on tonight's
call. Um, hinge, bumble. Um, there's several, there's like Christian mingle.
Some people have good luck on Christian mingle. Some don't. There's, you know,
coffee meets bagel. I mean, there's all sorts of apps. You just have to be
willing to try out a couple and just because one works for someone else,
doesn't mean it's going to work for you just because it works for you. Doesn't
mean it's going to work for someone else. Um, so I mean, just keep that in mind.
Um, a lot of times it has to do with, you know, your demographic, where are you
located? What's your age range? What are you looking for? It depends on what's in
your area and what site you're on. Okay. You might be in an area where a lot of
people, your age is using hinge. Now there might be another sister on here.
That's your same age, but she lives in a different location and she gets on hinge
and it's a bunch of older men. And she's like, wait a second. I'm not, not this.
These men are like 15 years older than me. I'm all I'm getting is these older
men. And I don't want to date older men. Well, that's when it's like, if you've
given it like several weeks, like a good solid month and that's the trend that
you're seeing, that's when it's okay to be like, okay, I'm going to shift and try
something else. That's why I encourage, try him out free first before you go and
pay for one. If you're going to pay for one, do like one free and one paid.
I never did paid. I was a single mom. Like I wasn't, I wasn't gonna spend any
more money than I needed to honestly. And like I said, Facebook gave me quality
and gave me options. And so I had success with that. So I kept with that.
Um, what you ladies to keep in mind that your pacing is going to matter text for
about one week, some, some exchanges back and forth. Don't be going past one week
without at least attempting that video chat or an in-person date. That's important.
Like in that first, like after that first week, we really do want you moving to a video,
an in-person date, a phone call if necessary. Um, you're not going to build intimacy
through texting. It's just not going to happen. Okay. Um, top phrases to use confidently.
I'm looking to date in real life. Ladies, there are going to be some men that are, Oh,
I'm really busy. I can't do that. Give grace there. Okay. You might throw it out there like,
Hey, why don't we meet in person? Or why don't we do this? Hey, you know, like I've got this
and this going on. Okay. No problem. You might have a few more texting exchanges. Hey, how's
next weekend looking for you? If they give you another thing. All right. Okay. I would say if
they turned you down twice, maybe give it one more time to drop the hanky of like, Hey, let's try
this. If they deny it a third time, that's when you're saying, Hey, I understand we all have busy
lives. I get that. Um, I'm just looking to date in real life. It sounds like you've got a lot going
on in your life. You've been really pleasant to get to know, but I think I'm just going to go
ahead and move on. I wish you the best of luck. If things ever change and you ever have some free time
where you're going to be able to date, you know, more intentionally in person,
please reach out to me. I'd be, I'd be interested in meeting you in person. If that's something that
you can.
can do. Do you see how you're not taking the opportunity completely off, but you're leaving
an option open and you're respecting the fact that maybe they just have a really busy life?
And sometimes all it takes is just that gentle nudge where they have to hear it like, oh,
wow, you're right. I've been really nervous about dating in person and I've been pushing
people off. Maybe I need to just face my fear and go on a date with somebody. Ladies, men
struggle with insecurity and nerves too. Not saying that's every situation. I mean, some
of these guys are just literally, they're wanting the dopamine hit. They're just dating
because they just want to like, they want the likes, they want the attention. And you're
going to see that those are the guys that are really not going to be intentional. That's
why we reciprocate efforts and it's okay to drop a hanky and show interest, but we're
not going to take on the full responsibility. We're going to give them some space to pick
up the hanky, to pick up the hint that, hey, I'm interested. Are you interested too? Then
you better pick that up and you better give that back to me and invite me out on a date.
Or sometimes you have to be like, hey, let's get together. Are you available Friday or
Sunday? Would either of those days work with you? You're not fully taking the lead. You're
dropping a breadcrumb. They're going to have to take a lead and pick it up and then make
the, yes. You know what? Friday night works great. How does this, then he could say, how
does this time sound? Perfect. What would you like to do? Let him lead that. Doesn't
mean that there are not going to be times that you're going to have to jump in with
some suggestions. Not all men are planners. Keep that in mind. Okay. Um, some other, some
other confident things that you can say, Hey, those are great questions for a live conversation.
Do you want to go ahead and set that up? So they start asking you some questions and you're
like, that's a really great question. I would love to be able to answer that to you in person.
Why don't we go ahead and set that up? Why don't we get on a video call? Would that work
for you? Or, you know, you can ask them the questions like, Hey, what takes up most of
your time right now? Like what matters to you? What right now in your life matters the
most to you? What's taking up a lot of your time in the current. And then you might even
ask them. So tell me some things that you do to kind of decompress or restore your energy.
Like when you're exhausted and you know, especially those guys are sitting there, I have a busy
life. My job's busy. There are men out there that work hard and be like, wow, that sounds
like a really hot, like you've sound very, very busy. So tell me what kinds of things
do you do to kind of relax and enjoy and decompress and like, go have fun. Like what, what things
do you like to do? What do you do to recharge? Okay. Um, stay in the present day, present
day conversations. You don't want to be tiptoeing about the past. You don't want to start talking
about future stuff, especially my ladies. They're like, Oh, he talked about the future.
You see, is this, you know, that's some of you ladies will get attached to that. I was
like, Oh, he said he wanted to go on this vacation with me. Like, I think we're going
to go like, no, stay in the present session, the beginning, say in the present, um, focus
on what are they building currently in their life? Like what are they built? Like what
are they doing in their life currently? What is their focus in their current life? And
then you can even start asking him, what are you, where do you see yourself going in the
next year or two? What goals do you have for yourself in the next year or two? This doesn't
have to be like, where do you see yourself in 10 years? Y'all I don't even know where
I see myself in 10 years. I hope I have all my kids out of my house. Oh, that doesn't
look like my older brother stayed with my mom and dad. Like he was way older before
I moved to this house. I'm sitting here thinking, what if my kids are like that? Gosh, I hope
not. My husband and I didn't ever get that newlywed, no children's stage. We'd like have
the kids. They were eight, eight, 11 and 13 when we got married or something like that.
They were young, so we never got, and then they're with us full time. Like, so I'm like,
I don't know. Like you asking a single mama, where's she going to be at in 10 years? She
had no clue where she going. Same thing with a single dad. He probably don't know either.
He probably doesn't know where he's going to be at next week. All right. So keep that
in mind. Next thing, emotional and spiritual boundaries. This is going to be a big one
ladies. Principle number five, do not overshare.
Dating is not the place for your trauma stories,
your ex details, trigger explanations,
sexual history, deep theological processing.
This doesn't mean you're hiding anything,
it just means you're honoring the timing.
Because I get someone with,
but my spirituality is so important to me,
my relationship with God is so important,
and I need to know that this man is going to align with me.
I get that.
I'm not saying that you are hiding it
and you're not trying to learn that,
you are just honoring the appropriate time
of when that enters in the conversation.
And oftentimes it will happen organically and naturally.
You're not gonna have to force it, okay?
A healthy response sounds like,
that's a great question for us to explore
once we get some time to know each other better.
Remember, guys might not have this coaching.
They're gonna come at you with the questions about the ex
and why you're divorced,
and what happened with your baby daddy,
and why aren't you in a relationship,
and what happened that destroyed your last relationship,
what caused the breakup?
They're gonna ask those questions
because I just feel like that's kind of
what people do in the dating world.
Like nobody really knows what to ask,
and so they think that those are the questions to ask.
And if they do ask it,
you're gonna give them some grace and just say like,
you know, that's a really great question.
I'd love to answer that more
when we've spent some time
really getting to know each other.
All you have to say.
And you're gonna see if they're gonna respect
that boundary or not.
If they get super offended, you don't need to move on.
That's, when we say it's a yes until it's a no,
that's a no.
They weren't respecting and honoring boundaries.
They got super offended.
That's when it's a no, okay?
Depth is earned through consistency, not access.
You don't give someone the,
you just don't give someone the access to the depth.
Or just because they have access to you
doesn't mean that all of a sudden
you share all the deepest, darkest secrets with them.
This doesn't just go in dating.
This even goes in like real life.
Like I have to talk to my kids about this.
My bonus children,
they've experienced some trauma in their life,
especially like my daughter is a very empathic.
She really connects with people,
but she's had some trauma.
So it's really easy for her to want to share with people
the trauma because she wants to connect.
So she's willing to tell people
the deep things that she's had to experience.
And I'm like, oh honey,
you've got to trust people with that.
You don't come out the gate with that.
You need to know that someone is going to honor acts,
like is going to honor that.
You don't want to just give someone access to that
just because they're in front of you.
And you hopefully want to build a relationship with them.
And you think that's what's going to
build that relationship with you and connect you to them.
That's going to create those trauma bonds.
Okay.
Openness, honesty, and courage.
You know, that is super important when you're online dating
and dating in general.
So for example, if you're going to be open to long,
like open to long distance,
I'm going to be really real with a lot of you.
Because this is a question I get often,
especially with online dating.
What about long distance?
You can be open to long distance
if and only if you have the capacity for it.
You're going to know if you have the capacity for it or not.
Okay.
There's a grace that goes on long distance dating.
Okay.
If you're not sure, talk to us about it.
You can talk to me about it.
I did long distance dating.
My husband was in Texas.
I was in Florida.
Okay.
So if that's something you're not sure about,
we'll walk that process with you.
I always encourage you ladies to understand
the potential financial costs that it can carry.
Okay.
Just know it's a possibility.
If you can't at sometimes stretch
and be able to financially sometimes contribute,
then it might not be for you.
That doesn't mean it's all your responsibility
if you're a woman and dating long distance,
it's important that the man also help front
that financial expense.
My husband did a lot more of that
for fronting that financial expense.
Every now and then I kind of helped out
in little ways that I could.
could but he was the one that was able to kind of provide more of that you know he just he had a
higher paying job than I did he had you know that was he had a job where he traveled so it
was incorporated like his job had him traveling to Florida so it just worked out for us um
um another thing do not get into long distance dating if you're not willing to relocate
or if they're not so you might not be willing to locate but if they're saying I'm willing to
relocate and you know that in the beginning and you know and you're very clear like I can't
relocate and they're like well that's fine I can then it's a go ahead only if you have
the capacity for it and only if you understand the potential costs that can come with it
okay keep that in mind um clarity if you enjoyed the date say so don't make men well I think he
we had a good time if you don't come out and tell him you had a good time he probably doesn't know
and even if you told him at the end of the day you're probably going to need a reminder because
if he was excited about the date he probably doesn't remember what you said because he was
probably all giddy so you might have to remind him the next day and say hey thanks again that
was a really fun day I had a really good time I would love to do that again that's it now you put
it in his court now he gets to invite you out okay so let let them know that you want to see them
dating is not a chess game um it's discernment with courage okay um surrendered dating
um oh principle six it's a yes until it's a no you don't need to overthink things
you don't need complete certainty you just need the next faithful step okay
surrendered dating online dating done well is not exhausting it's filtered peace
um you're not chasing love you're partnering with God you're allowed to enjoy the process
you're allowed to say no without guilt you are allowed to say no
some of you say no too much that I might be like you're maybe you're not allowed to say no right
you're not allowed to say no right away okay some of you say yes too many times and I might
say you need to practice saying no also no many you are allowed to say yes without fear
okay and trust God with the outcomes again easier said than done but we're here to walk that with
you um the love story God has written for you does not depend on perfection it depends on obedience
healing and courage you're not late you're not behind you are literally being prepared
okay all right lots of hands up gonna go into questions I love it I know there's lots of
things going in the chat but I want to get to questions first and then I will come to
the questions in the chat so Audrey you're up next you're you're my first person up here
so I'm gonna go for you how are you what's going on
there you go you're on mute yes okay so um I yeah I'll just go ahead and start I guess this is kind
of a deeper question because I'm kind of deeper or kind of gotten to know a guy a little bit give
me the give me the highlights give me like the core things let's get to the question and then
if I have to ask some more to get pull some more details we'll do that how about that okay so I've
been seeing a guy for almost two months now I've been he knows about the 90 days I've been like
waiting and still getting to know him and stuff like that I really like him um it's long distance
about two and a half hours he's came to my town twice and then I this past weekend very fresh
very hot off the press um I was visiting him for the weekend I got an Airbnb it was a great weekend
we did a lot of activities we facetimed we've talked a lot about a lot of things I've liked this
guy I've enjoyed him I've been questioning about like attraction and different things
uh he has three kids he's been divorced um but anyways so naturally and organically
um this came up while we were spending time together this weekend every time we would get
in the car he this podcast would play about pornography and um literally we listened to the
it was like a podcast that he's recommended to me before not that specific one but every time we got
in the car it was on and would start playing like just because the bluetooth or whatever
And with the first 15 minutes of it,
it was like talking about,
oh, what should a girl do when she's dating?
When should she ask about pornography?
And like, what's the question you ask?
Like, when's the last time you viewed pornography?
I've known this, like I've heard of this.
Like I'm very like,
obviously I had already prayed about to the Lord,
like, when do I talk about this?
When do I bring this up?
It's an important question.
I felt like it was an organic thing to like,
hey.
Well, hey.
So I'm guessing if it hopped on Bluetooth,
he must have been listening to it.
So, hey, honey, you.
I don't know.
I really don't know.
So guess what?
You'll answer that question.
I was like, I felt like it was really like the Lord,
like, okay, Audrey, go ahead.
Let's bring it.
How did he respond to it?
I mean, did he get weird?
No.
I actually felt like-
As long as there was like no discomfort,
it wasn't like awkward.
I didn't feel like-
That's gonna be a very, very awkward conversation.
If you are even awkward about it,
you might not be ready for that conversation.
And that's okay.
Yeah.
But from what I'm hearing from you,
you're kind of like, all right,
like this is organic.
This is natural.
Let's go.
That's kind of how I felt.
And like, I even asked, I was like,
can I, can we have this discussion?
Can I ask, are you okay or comfortable?
And he's like, yes.
And then-
Okay, so what was his response?
So yeah, this is kind of really like more deeper
and like really kind of what I have questions about,
about how do I need to proceed?
Okay.
This is a guy that I was really thinking
is leading towards becoming exclusive.
Okay.
Like, I've just been praying about it.
I've been like, Lord, what is your will?
Like, I feel like he's,
I felt like he's been ready to go exclusive.
He knows about my 90 days and like waiting.
So that's like a month out.
But I feel like-
When you say you're waiting for 90 days,
like you're waiting for talking about exclusivity.
Is that what you're referring to?
Yeah, making the decision after 90 days.
Okay.
Yeah.
Got it.
So basically his answer was,
he can't really remember the last time he viewed pornography
possibly two months ago.
And then one of the other questions was like,
basically just asking all about it.
And so it's kind of like what I,
well, we had a long conversation about it
because I had more questions,
but basically he's never really gotten free from it.
It's been an ongoing battle and struggle,
which he actually knows why and how and when.
And like, he's very much real about how he falls into that
and how it happens.
And basically kind of came down to the conclusion
of like this, he's been through a lot
in the past four years with divorce,
with finances, with all that stuff
and like weariness and everything.
And so he's honestly admitted to me,
he was like, I haven't seen this as an issue
to actually deal with and uncover
because I've been believing the lie from the enemy,
which is so subtle that it's not that big of a deal
or I can have this in my life
and there's no consequences to it,
which is the exact opposite of what that podcast talks about.
It's like sounding the alarm.
It's like, this is a big deal
and it's like, I don't know what affects your marriage.
And like, I mean, it's a great podcast.
I mean, like it's, I haven't listened to all of it yet,
which now he said he has,
but it's like basically his response is like,
I, you know, it could be every,
on average it could be once a month
he's looking at OnlyFans on Instagram,
or it could be he doesn't have any accountability set up.
Like there's never been like more than three months
in sobriety.
And I, in that moment, like, I mean, I get it.
I've struggled.
I have a testimony of overcoming that in different ways,
but still like I have a testimony,
like I have victory, you know, in this area.
Like I'm not perfect.
I have to guard it.
And I do, I guard it.
Like, and the Bible talks about, you know,
the Bible talks about that so much.
So it's like, and I even told him,
I was just like, look, dude, like you're an amazing guy.
And he is, he's an amazing guy.
I've enjoyed my time.
I've never felt took care of,
like loved in some ways, like seen in some ways.
Like I've enjoyed my time.
Like he's an amazing guy.
There's so much potential in him.
There's so much I see that God wants to do in his life.
And I was just like, look,
I mean, I just basically just told him the truth.
Like I would anybody else, like,
I'm like, God is wanting you to get free.
Like you, this does not need to be tolerated in your life.
Like this is, you have so much more, you know,
I let it all out in the loving way possible in a gentle way.
Like how I would want someone.
want to tell me and how I've had people tell me.
So, and he was receptive to that.
Like he was, I mean, he was, I mean,
we had a pretty good like hour and a half,
two hour conversation.
And you know, he was like, I know I need accountability.
I'm going to reach out to these two men in my life
who are like pastors and a mentor in his life.
He's like, I'm going to confess to them.
I'm going to ask for accountability.
He says that he's reached out to them
and he has that set up,
but I don't know any details of what that looks like
or whatever, because I kind of just left yesterday,
which, you know, we, I did tell him, I was like,
hey, I'm going to have to pray about this,
about moving forward.
Like I need to seek wise counsel.
This is kind of concerning to me.
You know what I mean?
Because like my expectation to move forward with a man
is that there's some level of like freedom,
at least for three months or longer.
Like I even think it takes three months to be detoxed,
to not objectify women naturally.
So, I mean.
I think that's smart.
And I'm going to even look that up
because I know with,
I know with other addictive and other addictive programs,
they will like, like with alcohol and drugs,
when you decide to go into those types of programs,
they will tell those people
to not get in a relationship for a year.
I don't know if that's the same for pornography.
So I would want, before I give that,
I would want to know what do those,
like people who are in that kind of program,
what's encouraged for them.
We've had this come up in this community before.
So I've coached through this before.
So I'm going to be very transparent, okay?
You are not going to be able to get
into an exclusive relationship
with someone who has this as an issue.
Yeah.
You just can't.
Yeah.
Okay?
I'm not saying that means that it is, he's a bad person.
Yeah.
He's not struggling.
I'm not saying that he can't get free of this.
I'm not saying that he's really committed to owning.
He's going to start asking for accountability.
It is not your job to walk this out with him.
You can't hold him to the fire on this
because your relationship isn't that,
you're not exclusive with them.
Like you don't want to build your exclusive relationship
on this tether of something
that they're having to break free from.
Yes.
What can happen, and this has happened in our community,
someone was working through that.
Now they were already in the process
of working it with somebody,
but then they were asking her to hold them accountable.
It doesn't work that way.
So it was like, and then he was starting to test the waters
like what's physically okay and what's not.
When I'm hearing, like when y'all had that conversation,
I love the fact that he is open enough
to be honest with you.
That is a quality character.
That's what I'm saying.
It is not our heart and our space
to criticize and judge him at all.
Like you said, we all have stuff.
We've all struggled.
I struggled with that too in my past.
I've, you know, have testimony of that as well.
So we're not condemning somebody for it,
but you also need to have some non-negotiables
and hold some boundaries
because you do understand what that can create in a marriage.
And that is, you can't build a foundation
and a healthy relationship with someone who is justifying
and not thinking that their addiction
or the desire to occasionally look at OnlyFans
and have some sort of pornography
is just not that big of a deal.
Yes.
It just isn't, okay?
He might not be convicted with it.
He might not have gotten the conviction,
but he is also sitting here thinking,
well, it's just, it's never been a big deal for me,
so I guess I've just never really dealt with it.
Okay, now that this is coming up,
are you gonna deal with it?
Yeah.
But I don't want you to sit here in this process
being so hopeful, oh, see, he's dealing with it.
Look, he's done this, this, and that.
Like, I don't know how long that process is.
That's what I'm saying.
and other addiction recovery programs,
they tell them no relationships for a year.
I don't know if that's the same with pornography.
It's possible it is.
So we're not having you wait around for a year.
I mean, I would even say,
do you want to wait around three months?
I mean, yeah, I mean, I, I mean, my,
my gut instinct, yeah, my gut instinct is no,
I'm not waiting for anybody.
Like my, like, especially if, you know,
somebody comes along, like I think it's more so
like if I haven't met anybody else
and thinking about going exclusive,
it's like three months later, he pops up.
Exactly, that's what I'm saying.
I think you can leave the door like, hey.
Yeah.
It's, I am so thankful you shared that with me.
That was really vulnerable.
Like that is such a amazing quality in a man.
I value that.
I appreciate that.
I respect that.
Because that is so important in relationship
between a man and a woman,
I do think it is important for you to go work through that.
And I want to be able to give you that space
to be able to, to work through that.
So I'm not comfortable moving forward,
but if you decide that you want to work on this
and this is something that you do want to get freed from,
I'm going to encourage you to do that.
And then if down the road, you've worked through this
and you feel like in a much healthier state
where you really feel like this is not going to be an issue
in a relationship, please feel free to reach out to me
because who knows where I'll be, you know,
if there's an open door,
then I would love to continue to pick this up
where we've left it.
But right now, I think it's probably more important
that you work on sorting this out for you
before you even consider getting
into a relationship for yourself,
because it's valuable for you to like,
it's going to be valued,
valuable to any relationship that you want to enter into.
This isn't about me, this is about you
having an opportunity to have the healthiest relationship
for you, if it's with me or with not, or without.
Yes, 100%.
That's how you are coming at it, honoring.
And again, doesn't mean he's going to hear it that way,
but it's not your responsibility to hold his feelings.
He's allowed to feel however he wants to feel
and it's not your fault, okay?
That's so good, that is so good.
And I express that to all of you ladies,
because I get so many of you ladies in other situations,
you're like, I just don't want to hurt his feelings.
Ladies, if you're clear and kind,
he decides how his feelings are.
If your heart is in a posture to not be hurtful
and you're clear and kind, it's not on you.
Now, if you're going in there with some kind of attitude
and you're just like, dude, like, I'm sorry,
but I just cannot get with somebody who's going to do that.
And you know, you really should probably look at that.
Like, do you see if there's judgment on that?
It's dripping in judgment, that's offensive.
Yeah, he going to get triggered by that.
Like, that's going to be hurtful.
But if your heart is coming in from an approach of,
look, I appreciate and respect the fact
that you were willing to share that with me.
That's not always easy,
especially in early stages of getting to know somebody.
I know how difficult that might've been.
I do want to, I want to honor the space
for you to be able to go work that out,
because in any relationship you get into,
whether it's with me or anybody,
you deserve to have an opportunity
to have a healthy relationship
where that is not going to be part of the foundation.
Yeah.
That's really good.
I'm glad you brought that up.
I think this is a great thing for you ladies
to be able to hear, because believe it or not,
many of you ladies are going to
have these types of scenarios.
Like I said, I coached a woman last year,
might've been even a year and a half ago.
She was in a relationship with somebody,
dating relationship.
We didn't find out about it until we'd talked her
into kind of getting comfortable
with going out on a date with this guy,
because she had some walls up.
And so he presented well,
and then all of a sudden,
All of a sudden we're like, yeah, go on a date with this guy.
And she's like, oh, I'm getting to know him.
It's great.
And then like, like a month later, uh, he just told me he
struggles with pornography.
And we were like, whoa.
Okay.
Now you got new information.
Yeah.
Don't beat yourself up for trying it out, but now you've got new information.
Now we, we gotta, we're getting wise counsel now.
Okay.
So ladies, this is when God defended comes in play.
I don't think it was by coincidence that you walked in to that conversation.
To me, I think God allowed that to come to light because it's giving you the
opportunity to be like, okay, how do I feel about this?
You are given this opportunity where now you get to hold a boundary in a line
and you get to say, I'm not going to sacrifice and, and my core values for
this, this ladies that will happen.
There will be times like there will be a really great guy and he's going to look
great.
And there's going to be one thing you're like, well, I can compromise on this.
That's easily how the enemy will want to operate.
He will get you to compromise on values that God's not going to make you
compromise a value that he's put in your heart, that he desires for you.
He's not going to make you compromise that.
So I love that you brought that up.
Thank you so much for sharing that.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you, Carla.
Um, so it kind of, cause I've just been, I'm like, Lord, what do I need to do?
How do I need to, like, I just, I agree with everything you said.
It's kind of what I've been feeling.
So kind of with that, it's like, I kind of probably need to close the door of
even just spending time with him to get to know him and the FaceTiming and the
texting and all that, that we've kind of had.
Look, I've spent some time, I've gotten some wise counsel and I've really, I've
gotten peace about this.
And again, like if you need to go back and watch this and replay and write down
some of the notes, if you like some of the verbiage and the language and you
need to kind of prep, like do whatever it is that you need to do a hundred percent.
I mean, I'm a person, I have to rehearse sometimes the things I'm going to say
that's just me.
So do whatever it is that you have to do, but yeah.
Um, no, I think it's wise.
Yeah.
Yeah, I agree.
It's really disappointing though.
I'm like, and I even feel that from him.
Like, I think he knows and it's like, he's like not wanting to like lose the
connection and like lose the, which again, you're not saying like, Hey, I'm not
closing the door permanently.
I'm saying, look, if, if this, if, if God is, is all over this, guess what?
I'll be here six months down the road.
If that's the case, if that's the case, you know, like we got to
trust God with this right now.
Absolutely.
Cause you, again, it's each, each of you deserve the opportunity for your best
shot at healthy relationship, whether it's with each other or whether it's somebody
else.
Yes.
That's so good.
Yes.
It's just, you know, it's true.
Yeah.
And ladies, I want you to think about that.
Even when someone maybe says, Hey, I'm going to have to like, maybe they break
things off with you.
If you can frame it in that, you know what, that's the best thing for me.
Cause now it gives me, it releases me to go have the best relationship
that's actually out there for me.
That happened to me.
My son's dad left me seven months pregnant.
I was devastated the way that I had to literally wrap my head.
The mindset that I had to have was he did me a favor.
He really did.
He set me up to not be in a relationship that was going to not just be toxic for
me, but be toxic for my son to be around.
He gave me the best shot at finding who God had for me to be in a marriage that
God wanted for me and to have a husband that was going to show up in a fatherly
way more consistently than what his biological father has been able to do.
I wouldn't have done that.
I would have stayed in it.
That's just the type of person I am.
Like when I'm in it, I'm in it.
Like I'm a loyal person.
Like when I took Cymbis, I'm like, I'm that loyal, like that's how I am.
All right.
There's, I'm like, when I make a commitment, I make a commitment.
Like divorce isn't an option, you know, now, unless it's a biblical grounds, like there
are biblical grounds, but that he did me a favor.
He gave me such a gift by giving me the opportunity to have a healthy marriage and be with a healthy
husband because he wasn't going to be it.
So if you ladies can bring that and like digest that, it doesn't mean that it's not going
to hurt, but remind yourself of that truth, you know what, I've got something better out
there.
Okay.
All right.
Rosanna, how are you?
She's going to go work out here, here shortly when we get off this call.
Yes.
I'm waiting for my teenage son to come home from the Y so that I can go so you can watch
my two little ones.
I have five children.
So, um, you go, you go.
Okay.
I am real quick.
I'm a widow way almost two years ago.
And, um, I was telling her on here, um, he struggled with addiction, drug addiction.
Um, and so a non-negotiable for me is I do not want to be with anybody with any type
of addiction recovery.
It is not a knock on anyone who was in that beautiful, bless the Lord, all of that.
Um, but like, I love that Audrey brought that up because that's the next thing.
Like even sexual addiction is an addiction and, um, I'm not, I'm not, um, what is it
like?
I've seen porn.
I've like, it's not, it's nothing new to me, but it's not something I struggle with.
And those are things I addressed a very long time ago.
Yeah.
So that's a non-negotiable that I wrote on my list that Jackie had for us.
Um, so I'm glad that Audrey brought that up because eventually that's going to have to
be a topic that has to be addressed because I love sex and I do not want him daydreaming
about some highlight reel.
He had an only fans.
No, thank you.
I'm hot enough.
I'm on my phone and I was on you.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Let's repeat this.
Well, ladies, it will.
It breaks trust.
Like trust is so important in a relationship and when you invite, you know, pornography
and any of that stuff, it really in, in, let's, and I don't even go a step further.
If you have sex before marriage, it will literally cripple your trust in your marriage.
It, there, it's just something that happens because now you're uncertain.
You're not sure.
Am I enough?
Am I like that?
It trust is so important.
That's why it is really key.
I'm glad that you, you know, that is a non-negotiable.
And again, like you said, you know, that the, the whole addiction piece, that's going to
be a non-negotiable for you based on some of your experiences and maybe even what your
children have experienced.
Like you're, you're sitting here thinking, okay, I know that it doesn't mean that you
don't extend grace.
I was very similar.
Okay.
I was in a relationship with a drug addict and alcoholic.
It was very toxic.
It was very unhealthy.
I knew for my wellbeing, especially then once I became a mom, I was not going to invite
that into my life because it just what, there was no space for it.
I just didn't know what that didn't mean that I didn't love people that I'm like, you know,
praise y'all that if you can, there's no judgment.
I just knew it was not, I just knew God told me that's just not going to be for you.
Didn't mean that I didn't have conversations with guys that struggled with it.
And I would be open to getting to know them.
But when it came down to, and I sat with it with the Lord, the Lord's like, no, it's okay
to be a no here.
I'd be like, okay, I'm okay with that.
I learned a lot.
Like I learned that I could show grace.
I learned that I didn't have to be controlled by someone else's addictions and challenges,
but I also learned it just wasn't a lifestyle that I was going to have that I was ready
to have the capacity and grace for it.
Like I was just like, God was like, it's okay.
You don't have to like, okay, cool.
Moving on.
Like, so I love that you brought that up.
Yeah.
I have compassion for it.
It's going to knock out amazing people, but like, I don't want to have to, the other shoe
dropped multiple times and I never thought it would.
Right.
And so I, I just, I won't, I won't put my children through that again.
And I don't want to put myself through that, but I respect the heck out of people in recovery.
My compassion for it is so much greater because I loved one, an addict.
So totally, totally get it.
So it's not that it's just something that I, I am choosing.
I do want to say to you, okay, this, again, this is not like, I just, this is not a doomsday
message.
This is a, because you recognize you've got some past trauma.
how the shoe always dropped. I do want you to recognize how that similar feeling could
potentially show up in any relationship because you've had the experience where
you've always anticipated you've had this expectancy like things are going to go great
but then like in the back of your mind like is the shoe going to drop is this you're going to
drop is this you're going to drop just because someone's on an addict does not mean that there
are not going to be times that's going to try to creep into any any new relationship.
I want you to be mindful of that and I want you to when you recognize that feeling
be able to address that lie and recognize and be able to communicate with the person that you are
in a relationship with and be open and working with the Lord about like what that healing looks
like and I only say this from my own experience like I'm I'm married and we literally just talked
about that recently that this I've had people like not follow through say that they were going
to get clean and sober and then they didn't follow through so anytime my husband says that
he's going to do something and he doesn't follow through like it could be simple as like going and
picking the kids up from practice and then he forgets it will bring me back to that same emotional
feeling of when my drug addict former boyfriend said he was going to get clean and sober and then
I found him using again and I'm like and it would put me in that same reactive state and my husband
be like I forgot and I'm like and he's like you are reacting like and and I had to recognize I'm
like oh my goodness this is me responding out of something else so I'm saying that just to
keep that in mind as you walk into dating that if you recognize that feeling that's all that is
it's nothing to be scared of feel it feel it we'll address it it you'll be fine yeah my I've
been doing therapy and she said that she's like Ro the shoe dropped look where you are and I'm like
oh oh my gosh so she addressed that with me I'm glad you're saying it though because I guess now
even you addressing it is saying the falsity of knowing that it's not going to happen again is a
complete lie it's just how am I going to react to it when it does happen because I'm flawed so I'm
going to disappoint him too and I have to remember that because I get all my kids with stuff like how
do you forget that I'm a mother of five and I forget stuff all the time so like I it's so easy
that I justify well I'm gonna take care of everybody else I'm not allowed to forget things
you only have to worry about you I have to worry about all of you yes yes and I said and they
rolled her eyes at me I guess the one quick question I have and I'm going to try to do this
so that you can get to the other women I'm fine I'm super excited about getting on the apps now
I have a different mindset this mindset is differently fresh and new and exciting because
now I'm not looking like oh is this guy going to be a potential husband I'm doing this to put the
practice of heartwork and dating online in to action we're doing it we're putting what feet
to our face like she says and I'm going to do that so I'm very pumped about that to learn about myself
and to learn maybe new likes and dislikes that I never realized I had and met and work on my
communication skills etc so with that I did this um the times and seasons thing that Jackie had
with Bethany Hicks and it was mind-blowing and so like I realize I'm in two different seasons of my
life winter with my babies like I am hibernating I am someone who loves to go out I'm a social
butterfly I love to do that when I was married and when I as a single mother um so like I'm
and the Lord is blessing me with that time to hibernate with my children all five of them
because they range from age 16 to age six so I have a huge gap in age but they're beautiful and
the Lord is blessing that time individually and as a mother with all of them to be with them so
he's honoring that on top of that though I feel like I'm in a transition into spring stage with
my love life I sense it like I don't know if this sounds hopefully somebody can relate to this like
I can sense my man is coming I can feel it I don't know what it is I may have already met him
because I'm I have a guy friend that I've talked to for six months you know the preparation period
is here like you know it's approaching like yes point is yes and I'm there I feel like even the
snow days God is I cannot tell you the compounding of efficiency I have prayed for for it almost a
decade to get stuff because I struggle with I have ADHD and I embrace it but um the Lord is also
going to help me with that gift that I have that's just a different thing that I have but he's helped
I deleted 29,000 emails yesterday while watching a movie with my little ones but I was like let's
be proactive let's do this at the same time because I already seen the movie I I've been
doing like God is downloading things for you to work on in this season to kind of learning
and that's that preparation period so you're hibernating that's saying like I think you're
recognizing like you are hibernating you're in this season you're about to transition into it
embrace embrace this time cherish it
but you can still be expectant and excited about it too.
I am, and so that's my question.
Like, I took a social media fast,
which has been probably some of this exponential stuff
of why I'm not wasting a lot of time.
I do wanna put boundaries on there,
so I'm gonna work on the Lord with that.
However, I feel like I need to put myself
on the Facebook dating app,
and now that I'm praying about it,
I might consider a Christian app.
I've never done it, so I might do Salt.
Those are the only two I'm gonna do, that or Bumble.
With that though, Carla,
I don't know if I should just do it,
show you guys, put it out there,
and then let it sit for a minute,
because I wanna do that,
but I don't know if I should be focusing.
Maybe that's the prepping to see,
hey, there are some hits there with some guys,
and if they're patient-
Put boundaries up.
You can put the boundaries up.
Okay.
You can put boundaries up,
because like I love how you're saying,
you took a social media fast,
so now when you incorporate that back in,
I really do want you to focus on
don't get overwhelmed with it.
Ladies, when you start online dating,
it can get very overwhelming,
and if you are like me, and it gets overwhelming,
the best way to not overwhelm yourself
is put restrictions on yourself.
I'm only going to get on for one hour
between nine and 10 to swipe.
Okay.
Because my kids are in bed.
Yes.
And then on Friday night and Saturday morning
is when I'm going to respond to people.
Like you, and you get to work that in on your schedule
on what works for you.
I will say pencil it into your schedule,
and do not give yourself-
Diversify.
Yeah.
Don't say, oh, I guess I'm going to do it now.
Because you're on this,
because you've coming off of a fast,
of having to fast something like that,
I think if you can keep that mindset,
I think then you're going to transition to that,
and again, just because you're on it
doesn't mean you have to utilize it.
It's okay.
As long as you remind yourself,
you don't have to have this fear of missing out.
If a guy messages you and you just decide,
and you see it like three weeks later,
oh no, I missed my opportunity.
No, if that starts creeping in,
you're going to tell yourself that's a lie.
We're going to crush that.
You're not going to miss out on anything.
I'm actually going to prompt you ladies,
I'm going to probably share it now,
and then I'm going to take Mika and Mikayla.
Your activation, I know a lot of people jumped off,
but we'll post it in the thing.
I want you ladies to,
I want you to celebrate a space,
to celebrate, be seen, and prepare your hearts to dating.
I want you to be able to do it together.
Okay?
So whether you are actively online dating,
or you're considering,
or you're preparing yourself for that season, okay?
I want you to kind of introduce yourself to our community
as if you are,
so if you want to share like your profile,
to introduce us to who you are, okay?
Post your picture.
So this is just an invitation that you're
like literally sharing one post in the community today.
If you don't do anything else,
at least share this one post.
I mean, I want all the posts.
I want all your details ladies.
But I know some ladies are a little more like quiet.
I get it.
Some things that I want you to include,
and remember, there's no right or wrong way to do this.
I want you to include a current photo of yourself,
something that you'll probably use
if and when you're online dating, like for a profile.
I want you to tell us where you live,
what city and state, okay?
And then whether or not you're open to relocating.
We're going to do something with this, okay?
Some fun facts about yourself.
Let us know who you are.
Like something light, human, joyful.
Like just give us an idea of who you are.
It doesn't have to be a book, just a couple of things.
Things that you really enjoy.
How do you relax?
What fills your cup?
You might want to share like a couple words
that maybe even a close friend would describe you,
how they would describe you.
I went to my friends.
I'm like, okay, give me three words
that you would use to describe me.
And I used those to put into my online dating profile.
Usually friends.
If you want to utilize that for this activity.
And then just share with us, like,
what are you attracted to?
What are you looking for?
What attracts you to something?
What are those qualities and characteristics
that you're looking for?
Remember, we're going to keep it positive, okay?
And if you want to share something
that you know you're excited about or praying about,
share that with us.
So it's kind of like an introductory post,
what you would probably put on an online profile.
Or if you want to share your online profile,
we want to see who you are.
This is coming out of hiding here in our community.
okay for those of you ladies that are on online and this is not going to be
difficult for you my ladies that are still like uncertain about this whole
online dating this is a air this is a space for you to it doesn't feel as
threatening because then this is what I want y'all to do I want y'all going in
and I want you commenting on each other's post I want you to engage with
some kindness and encouragement I want you complimenting each other speaking
life and affirmation over each other pray over what you're reading about
them and then I want you to be asking yourself about what you are seeing your
sister post do I know somebody that might be a good fit for her we're gonna
incorporate this community-based matchmaking that's why I want to know
what city and state you live in because you might know someone where they live
and you don't know who God's gonna highlight y'all one of the sisters in my
community is the reason why that I married the man that I married she
didn't know him she just saw him on a like a Facebook group Christian Facebook
singles group and she's like oh look at this guy like read his thing she's like
that seems like a guy that car like that that would be a good fit for Carla
she's screenshot all of his information she sent it to me it's like hey what do
you think about this guy she commented on his post like you need it you need to
meet my friend Carla he thought it was weird then there were other women that
were in this community that was also in that community then chime in and oh
Carla's great oh yeah he reached out to me I thought he lived closer to me he
lived in Texas not Florida so she was she was looking out for me so that's
what I want you ladies doing in here this week so maybe you're not ready to
go online but you know what maybe one of your sisters in here has a match for you
you don't know she might see it now and then six months down the road she might
oh my gosh like I remember Callie and you know she lived in this area and I
just met I think this guy would be great for her I need to connect with her I
need to see she'd be interested in meeting this guy or you know what Gail
I Gail is in oh I know where she lives she lives in New York okay I I know
somebody there or someone just brought that up to my attention I just heard
about somebody I'm gonna go see if she's if she's single still maybe she's single
and then you reach out to Gail and be like Gail are you still single if you are what do
you think about this guy what are your thoughts you see what I'm saying I want
you ladies practicing that this week okay I will put the like instructions in
myself or Ebony will put the instructions in there for you ladies to
be able to kind of get the details on but there's no right or wrong way but
just practice presenting yourself introducing yourself practice those
profiles like speaking life over yourself so I think it's a great idea
row that you you can open the door and decide if you want to try one doesn't
have to be a paid one right away and you just set some boundaries on it like I'm
only gonna get on this twice a week on this day in this day for this many hours
you set a timer your mom you know I know you know what timers are cuz I use
them my kids I have to be like do y'all need to set a timer cuz you can't look
at the clock I'm gonna set a timer for you so set a timer for yourself okay I'm
gonna give myself an hour and when that dinger goes off I'm getting off the app
then we'll go spend some intentional time with my kids so how's that sound
good awesome all right Mikayla jump in and then I'm going to take Mika
so just a quick question on so it's kind of about a particular situation but it's
kind of a larger question that I have for myself you know I've been dating and
I think we've been chatting in the app about this particular guy and we've been
on four dates and some of it's just kind of this larger theme sometimes
within myself of like sometimes being on dates and not really feeling like a
great connection with a person or sometimes there's been guys that I have
had great connections with that then just like don't work out you know like
yeah they're very talkative very chatty we seem to connect right this is the guy
that like the conversation just doesn't seem to be slow that's
Okay. That's what I, I, I had a feeling. That's what it was. I was just making sure that I was
on the same page. Okay. So it's kind of hard for me sometimes to gauge what really is a great
connection sometimes. Cause I've also had guys that like, they're hilarious and you, I could
talk to them for six hours and sometimes I have, and then six weeks later they're like, you know,
I'm not ready to date or I don't want to move or whatever. So it's, so I have this question for
myself of, you know, when I'm not feeling a connection with someone or if I just feel like,
I'm not sure if this is working out, like how long do I kind of persist versus kind of just
trusting with knowing or kind of trusting within myself, like your own intuition of like, I just
don't think this is the right connection or kind of like that own internal view of like, well,
I just feel bored. And so I just want to move on. So does that make sense when I'm saying like,
what's the difference between your own? That does make sense. Cause you've been on four
in-person dates. Yes. Yeah. And so how long has this stretched? Like it's been over a month.
It's been since like the end of December. So like a month. So yeah, it's yeah. So you're,
you're looking at probably five to six weeks. So you, you've gotten to know him at some point.
Is he, is I'm curious, does he engage in conversation? Does he initiate conversation?
He does. He does. The first couple of dates it, he was pretty quiet. I would have to kind of just
get quiet and then he would eventually interject. He does text me, but it's very,
sometimes it's just in the evening. Maybe we exchange a handful of texts every day,
even like today he hasn't messaged me. And I've tried to even like sometimes message him first.
I've tried to be very, you know, sometimes I can be a little bit closed, not closed off,
but I'm always unsure. Like I'm unsure of everybody. I'm the one that doesn't really
attach right away. I'm the one that like, so, you know, that's just me. So I've been trying
to be more warm, more friendly and not, and not just flirty, but just friendly. And not that I'm
not a friendly person, but with guys, I just tend to be reserved. So, and I just kind of feel like,
I don't know. It just feels like, I feel like interpersonally, we're not connecting, even though
he kind of seems to like me, but it's still just feels like he's initiated all the dates and planned
pretty much all of them. Okay. Well, that's, that's a good sign. Okay. Since you've been on
four dates now, I mean, have you had, have you guys started diving into some more in-depth
conversation? This would, this would be where it's appropriate. Now you're, you're getting to know him
maybe now a little bit more on a deeper level to see, is there any potential of this kind of
progressing? Or you can ask him like, so where do you see things going in your life in the next
year? Like, what are you, what are you praying about? Like, what are you dreaming for? What are
you praying about? You know, praying to God for like, what are things that are important to you
right now? Like get him kind of maybe talking about that and kind of seeing where he lands
to see if that opens the door to have a conversation or where it invites you where
you're like, yeah, like I'm in this, you know, this pro like I'm in this group right now,
you know, I've been preparing my heart and you know, I know God's got marriage for me down, down
the road. And so I'm just been open to getting to know people. And, you know, I, I like to think
within the next year, I'd be in a, in a exclusive relationship with somebody. You see how it's kind
of like, you're kind of like, that's where sometimes like you do have to pull that out.
Now, ladies, again, I wouldn't say, let's go have that conversation with all men. This is a guy that
we're, we're trying to like figure out a little more. We're going to, we're going to try to see
what we can pull out. Cause she's a little shy. It sounds like he's a little shy. So we might have
to kind of nudge a little more like, this isn't something I'd be like, ladies go and ask this,
like you on date number two that you asking a guy to, Hey, are you looking to get married in
the future? Like we're not doing that right away. All right. But she's, she's been dating this guy
for well over four weeks, a little over a month, four dates. He's initiating things,
but he's not really doing any forward motion here besides it's just being dates.
Like, is he, I mean, y'all getting to know each other a little more in depth.
Coming along. I felt like I tried to ask not super pointed questions, but I was trying to
ask meaningful questions, like on our second date, like nothing like about our relationship
or whatever. But, and sometimes I felt like I was almost like pulled.
things out of him. So then I backed off and I just was like, I'll just let him share what
he wants to share. And then the third day, you know, it kind of got better by the end.
And he did talk more and share more. I remember you shared that. And then did it kind of go
back by the fourth date kind of felt like it. The fourth day, it kind of felt like,
you know, we were around a lot of people, we were like in a busy restaurant, then we're
at bowling alley. So I didn't want to feel like I was putting him on the spot. And like
people being an earshot of like, well, tell me about what you believe about this or what
you believe about that, you know. And so I didn't want to ask like, really deep questions,
just because we were around people on an active date. So that means yes, that's good. So we
had said, you know, talking about maybe trying, I tried to communicate like, well, hey, like,
what if we like, how like, he was asking me, like, how much do you want to talk? How much
do you want to text? Like, how much do you want to go out? So I kind of shared, you know,
I would be okay going out like once or twice a week, I said, I just feel like I'm to the
point where if I want to, I want to get to know somebody, I don't just want to waste
your time. Like I either want to intentionally get to know you, like, either this is going
to work, or maybe, you know, we need to invest time otherwise. So he's like, well, once a
week would work for me. And he said, What if we called a couple times on the phone during
the week, and we had some of those more intentional conversations? I was like, Oh, okay, well,
that would be great. So that was last Friday. Okay, but there's never been on the fourth
day. Okay, yes. But there's never been any revisiting that, like in our text messages,
you wouldn't revisit that right now. But I would say like, in a couple weeks, you could
say, Hey, you know, when we had that conversation? Where do you see this now? Like, where? I
mean, are we wanting to kick this up a notch? Do you want to start trying to get to know
each other more frequently? I mean, this is that that time where you're like, are you
going to start introducing each other to y'all's communities? Like, y'all do group
dates where Hey, my friends and I are going to go do this. Why don't you come along and
bring some of your friends like you see how you're gonna start now kind of doing life
together to see how y'all how your circles intertwined? Does that make sense? Which honestly,
like, I live an hour and a half away. So yeah, that's kind of challenging to does he show
up like this when he's around his own friend? Like, do you know anything about his his circle?
Does he talk about his friendships? And what does he do in his free time? Have you learned
any of that? He talks about his family. He's not really talked a lot in depth about friends.
So tell me about like, you're so when you're not going on a date with me once a week. Yeah.
What other things do you do? Like, are you hanging out with friends? What kinds of things
do you do? Like, drop that there. See if that kind of opens them up a little bit. Um, again,
I mean, are you dating other people? Are you still like not I kind of had several that
I was going out on dates with and I kind of just got exhausted. And so he was like the
last one and the other ones kind of faded away. So I was like, well, I'll kind of see
how this goes with this guy. But how do you feel about kind of jumping back in and seeing
if you can introduce the new couple people to see if I've kind of thought about that
I would that would be my suggestion. Because again, I you never really know I wouldn't
say you again, it's a yes until to know it doesn't sound like it's a complete no. He
just might be really slow to get to know. Um, so who knows? Um, I mean, if you're enjoying
the time with him, again, I don't see anything wrong with it. It's not like y'all are leading
each other on in any certain way. I would just I would start incorporating, get yourself
back out there, see if there's anybody else that you can, you know, be introduced to get
to know because then eventually that might he might fizzle out. Or it might have him
rise to the occasion. Who knows? Um, again, that this, this is that tricky one. Because
again, personalities, you're still just trying to get to know. But I would say because you
guys have been getting to know each other for over a month, and you've had four dates,
it's okay to kind of ask some deeper questions and prompt some more of those types of questions.
We just don't want you asking those questions in the first like two or three days. You know,
as you're getting to know, like you need to know a little bit more details, you're going
to want to start incorporating family, seeing where they're at long term. You know, is this
Do I continue to stay in this? If someone
doesn't even want to get married in the next five years.
Like, you know, those are questions again,
like you want those organically to come up.
So again, it's just finding subtle ways to do that.
But it sounds like he's pretty shy, a little closed off.
That's almost the sense I get is almost kind of like,
I don't want to say like a sadness about him,
but almost like a reservedness that doesn't always seem,
I don't know, it almost seems a little, maybe,
I don't know.
I mean, I don't want to project that onto him,
but it's just-
Yeah, I mean, and you don't, you don't know,
and you just get out of the relationship.
He's very quiet, you know?
Heartbroken, like, you don't know.
And then again,
you're not going to dive into those questions either,
but you are going to want to start seeing
that there is some interest on his part.
But like I said, it's good that he's asking for dates.
And he's setting those up.
Well, he got me flowers,
and then he kissed me on the one date, which I was like,
I was like, and I just, I just was like, I don't know.
I really didn't feel, or I mean, I just,
it just kind of happened.
And I was like-
That was on the fourth date.
That was on the third date.
Did he try to kiss you on the fourth date?
No, because I talked to him about it,
and I said, about the kissing thing.
And so we talked about it, and he was like-
That could also be why he's a little guarded too,
because he could have been getting the courage,
and then all of a sudden he's like,
uh-oh, I made a mistake again.
So I think I'm going to ask you to pray a little bit
into the courage and comfortability that you have
with communicating and being bold in conversation with him.
Being able to, again, so ladies,
sometimes you are going to have to really
be bold with some men, okay?
I don't typically like to encourage you ladies to lead this.
For some men, they need the nudging,
but that does not mean you take it over, okay?
We're not setting that tone for the relationship,
if there is a relationship.
I would encourage you to step in,
or step out of your comfort zone,
and be willing to kind of have,
ask some more bold, direct questions
in a clear, clarifying, confident, kind way.
There's ways of wording it,
and again, we can get on the app too,
and we can be getting some ideas generating too,
about what those questions could look like.
And I can get some feedback from Ebony too,
because she's really good at this stuff.
Sounds good?
That'd be great.
Yeah, that'd be awesome.
Ebony is so good about,
she's such a great communicator, especially in dating.
So let's get that in the app,
let's get that conversation going.
Could I initiate with him
to have one of these phone conversation?
I've kind of thought, well, he hasn't mentioned it,
we were supposed to talk this week.
We've been getting to know each other,
and I know we talked about, you know,
getting together once a week, and we can keep with that,
but what are your thoughts about, you know,
the pace of things?
Where do you feel?
Is this a good pace for you?
Ask him where he wants to see the pacing.
It's okay to ask him.
Like, yeah, I know we talked about this.
I did, and he kind of didn't know,
and so then I said,
I said once or twice a week is good for me,
and he said, well, what about once a week for meeting up?
Just because we live so far away and he has a dog.
So-
I mean, this is where I'm going to ask you,
like, how do you feel about getting really bold
with your questions?
Because I'm a really bold person.
So I might be giving you something that you're like,
I don't want to ask him that question.
If he says that, like, oh, I don't know,
and be like, okay.
I would just come out and be like,
is there a reason for that?
Like, do I make you nervous?
Like, I would just be like, am I intimidating?
Like, I would just be very bold, be like, you know,
and say, I feel like there's times
that maybe you're just not very open with me.
Like, do I, am I, do I have an intimidating personality?
I've been told sometimes I can be very intimidating,
which that's actually, I had a male therapist told me,
he's like, men are probably intimidated by you.
I'm like, what do you mean by that?
So, I mean, that's what I'm saying.
Like, if he's kind of acting a certain way,
I'd just be like,
I noticed that you're really quiet around me.
Is there a reason for that?
That's true.
I mean-
Well, I told him, I told him,
I said, sometimes you're really quiet.
I said, and I don't, I don't know what that means sometimes.
And he talked about that a little bit, you know.
And what does he say?
Like, can you explain to me why you're so quiet around me?
It makes me feel a little uncomfortable.
And again, you can kind of have some flirty,
like girly banter with that.
So it doesn't feel like so like charged and interrogating.
Like it can be flirty.
I would try that on him and kind of see
if it kind of cracks open his little hard shell
a little bit.
It sounds like he just might be really nervous
around really pretty girls.
I don't know.
There's times I dated guys that were like that.
And I mean, it came out there.
They were like, I've just never dated anyone so beautiful.
And I'm like, okay.
Like I get with that.
Some men literally, they're like,
you are the most beautiful person I've ever dated.
And I'm like, oh, okay.
There's a shyness there.
There's a discomfort there.
So play around with it.
But I do want to encourage you, get back on the apps,
start getting and seeing what else is out there.
That way you're not spending all your time and energy
just focusing on this one.
Get your mind and entertained at something else
and see kind of where you feel with that.
And like I said, either he can rise to the occasion
or he might fizzle out altogether.
Keep us posted on that.
For sure.
Well, thank you.
That's great input.
Awesome.
All right, Mika, hey girl, how are you?
You're my last girl.
And I know I'm going way over.
Hey, I'm doing fine.
I'm going to get these teachings down a little bit shorter.
Okay.
So I've been in a video chat with a guy and he was asking,
so my question is how do I,
how do you respond when they ask about,
should I be redirecting?
Cause this has happened more than once
where a guy will ask if I live in a home
or an apartment, like where do I live?
Like either the first phone conversation
or the second phone conversation.
So like, I know that in general,
I tend to be a little bit more guarded like Fort Knox.
So I'm trying to like do a little bit of the opposite
of that and give people the benefit of the doubt.
So I'm not coming up so like a wall, like rigid.
But then this guy did need boundaries
cause talk about recovery.
He had just been, just finished recovery for like,
he's been a sober for one year
and he's like in this recovery support program thing,
which I respect.
But so I guess my question for you is,
and also I use, I don't use my actual name,
not even the first name.
I'll say Sunshine Lady for one as a screen name.
And then I'll use Lady Intercessor for another,
for the other.
And I kind of liked, I kind of been using it like a buffer
because it actually, what I found is it kind of draws,
you'll get guys that'll ask questions about like,
who also are interested in prayer
or I'll get someone that's, you know,
will ask me about joy or the joy of the Lord.
So it makes a good conversation starter,
but I thought maybe,
cause I'm getting like a mixed, right?
So I was thinking maybe because I'm putting up this wall
with my screen name, is that also,
am I getting the, am I setting up myself
for expecting that there needs to be a wall?
Does that make sense?
Like-
I'm gonna ask you this question first.
Why are you choosing not to use your name?
Like just your first name?
I've had my identity stolen before.
Like it was someone I was in a relationship with.
Like he put, his uncle put a whole utility bill
of $3,000 in my name when he was helping me move.
And some of the papers,
like was somehow in his car or something.
And he took his-
How long were you in that relationship for?
Oh, it was about, it was three years.
Three years, about 15 years ago.
Okay.
So-
I can understand that would kind of keep you guarded.
Yeah.
And then something else happened again with my car,
with one of my cards.
So this is why I'm asking you,
this is why I'm asking you this,
because is you putting your first name up,
just your first name on a dating profile,
is that gonna open you up to getting your identity stolen
if you just have your first name up?
No, not getting my identity stolen,
but I started thinking about like in terms of just privacy.
Like now, like if my clients see like my name
or if you're like Google searching for me
or something like that.
I think also just confidentiality.
Like I've had some awkward,
some semi-awkward situations too.
You do have a unique name.
So if you Google chat your name,
it's, you almost can't have like,
you almost don't need your last name.
Is that what you're kind of?
Yeah, like-
People can still probably search.
Do you have a nickname that's very similar to your name?
Or your middle, do you have a middle name?
My middle, my nickname is Sunshine.
That is, yeah.
So it's on, it's in my honest way.
My middle name is Jeanette.
Okay, do you use Jeanette for anything short?
Like.
No, that's, that's a good point.
Maybe I can use Jeanette.
Use that because then you're not kind of putting this cover.
The only reason I'm saying that is because.
If you're putting intercessor on there.
That's great because then people kind of see like you love the Lord.
But I also don't want you to open yourself to where the men are going to start talking
about the Lord and you're going to get like.
Thinking men can look out for that.
Ladies, if you put a lot of God stuff on your profiles.
Men will see that.
And again, I'm not saying that you need to go in there with this like.
Guard up or anything.
Because again, like, you're kind of like, you, you know that you have a Fort Knox.
So, you know, release that.
And again, that's why I'm asking you, like, you recognize that you're doing that.
That's why I asked him, like, well, let's, let's, let's unpack why you're not putting
your first name up there.
Yeah.
And that's, there's a fear there.
Yeah, I definitely want.
Yeah, with the job and also my job too.
Like, I definitely don't want those two to that.
So I want to start with maybe your middle name.
Okay.
Middle name up there.
And again, if they, and again, you can even share with people.
I don't put my name up there because I've had my identity stolen before.
If they ask you, you can say, Hey, this isn't my, this is my middle name.
I don't share my first name because I've had my identity stolen and I need time to
get to know someone first.
You're allowed to be very clear on that boundary.
Okay.
I want you to just be able to, you can have boundaries.
I just don't want you putting up these walls where it really does.
Like, cause this is one thing I will say, and I don't know if you were on my call last
week or not, or if you heard it in replay.
I miss, I didn't get a chance to catch when I, when we talk about boundaries and like
the walls, like, Oh yes, yes, I was.
That's where I got the four knocks from.
And I put that in, like, we had that in the notes.
So I didn't know if, you know, Ebony uses that too.
Um, it's just, for me, it's just a way that I can remember it.
Um, one thing that Jackie shared when she taught on this, she would remind us the own,
like when you put walls up, the only people that are scaling walls are thieves.
You don't want to be putting walls up that thieves are going to try to scale.
So that's why sometimes it's like, you want the gate, you want a gate to keep people out
and only allowing healthy people in, but you start putting those walls up where it
becomes a challenge.
Thieves like a challenge.
Oh, we don't want to do that either.
So that's what I'm saying.
Put your middle name up there.
We don't need to be, it's good to be cautious and be discerning, but let's do it with wisdom.
Let's not do it out of fear.
Really want you to lean into that.
Kind of like the guy that's going for that might like, enjoy the chase or enjoy just
the dopamine rush of trying to find that person.
Oh, I see.
Exactly.
And again, when these guys are asking you about where you live, I mean, you can be like,
I don't feel comfortable sharing that.
Is there a reason that you're asking me?
Just be straightforward.
You can tell them, I don't feel like that's an appropriate question for me to answer right
now because I'm not quite sure why you're asking.
Can you help me understand that?
I mean, I think it's a little odd.
Like, why does a guy need to know if I'm living in an apartment or a house?
Like, is he trying to see like, do you own your own home?
Are you renting a home?
Do you have roommates?
I mean, I've realized that those questions have come up.
I do ask that because they wouldn't know if you have roommates.
Sometimes it's just, they want to know, like, are you around a lot of people?
Like, do you, do you have a bunch of roommates?
Are you active?
Do you have people over?
Is there, you know, I also, I don't, again, when people ask me that, I'm not trying to
tell you if I don't know you again, and I can just say, and I don't have to be assuming
that they're trying to be sketchy, but I can answer it in a way that I am comfortable answering
it.
And I can put up a boundary.
I don't feel comfortable sharing that information with you because you're not someone that I
know very well.
You're still a stranger to me.
Right.
So that wouldn't even be discussed until like, you're like, on maybe like a second date,
like in terms of like a, but not even the second date, right?
I don't even, like, that's one of those things, again, like, why would we use an apartment
or a home?
Like if they own their home or if they're in a yeah, I mean if you're talking about something like okay
Some people mean like hey, what what area of town do you live in like just to kind of know?
Oh, I live on you know this side of town close to you know here. Oh, okay cool. Yeah
I've got friends that live over there, you know
I
At one point when I was dating I was looking to purchase a home. So that was that was
What was going on in my life currently so when I was talking about present-day things I was talking about house hunting
Now I would share that but again, I wasn't sharing addresses. I wasn't sharing
The cost of like what type of house I was look what was in my price range like that was not information
That was privy to any of them. I could just say yeah, I've been saving up to purchase a house
I'm gonna be moving soon. And so I'm working with a realtor right now
And these are some things that you know, these are some areas that I was looking in. I
Mean, but again, I you're not
Requiring to divulge all that information. So do you see how sometimes that conversation could come up if they're in a season of certain things
But not always does that make sense?
Yes
But I would again like yeah, if you're getting guys asking you those questions
Like do you live in an apartment do you live in a house do you own your own house?
Do you?
Do you have roommates and you haven't met them and you haven't been on a couple dates with them
You're not
You're not asking
You're not answering those questions, right?
And again, you say hey, I'm just not comfortable asking or answering that
Let's just let's get to know each other a little better. Is there I mean, is there a
Reason that you're asking that like can you help me understand why you're asking me that?
I mean you can even ask that first like can you let me understand why you're asking that like that's a that's a different
That's a question. I've not heard before
like
It's not typically a question. I get asked often whether it is or not, you know, like no, that's helpful. That's yeah, I mean
But I do I think it's helpful to know like you're aware of the guards that you have
And so as we progress
Through your dating. I do want you know myself and ebony. Let's let's work with you on
helping you
Break down some of those fears and let's get to some of those core things that you're believing and let's ship them again
It doesn't mean that you have to completely remove them
but we we might need to see are we putting those things up because we're
Being driven from our fear not from
The place where we're truly surrendering to the Lord, does that make sense? Yes, that makes sense. That helps a lot
Yeah, so my we're here for you like
We get it
Something else I noticed is like
From these groups. It's actually been making me get on the apps a lot more and what I found is with one of the apps
It seems like you get more
I get more like so the first I started feeling kind of like oh no
No one's liking me, but I found when you're on it more and they I guess they can see your little red
Indicator that you're online you get more likes just because you're on more
Thinking. Oh, this actually could be a real person cuz they're on
Hey, I didn't realize there are some of these apps like there are fake profiles. There are bots
I'm sure I mean, these are businesses. They're trying to like make their app better and all that kind of stuff
I don't know how that whole system works to be perfectly honest, but that could be why I mean, it's possible
I'm not saying that's the only
Reason, but it's possible. So even if you just had it up on your computer whether you're on it or not if you know, I
Always sometimes typically have my computer up and I'm just not logged out and I've got
several
Windows open and logged into something, you know, because I'm just half the time I get distracted with my kids or something
Yeah, yeah
That would those are just things. I would just keep keep your eyes on
All right. Yes
Sticking it out with me. I think this is the longest I've ever gone and my apologies
This has been the longest I've ever gone. I I have not been able to get to the chat. There's several
So if you're still on with me and you put something in the chat and I haven't addressed it
Please come in the app and share it there
So Stephanie I see you I know you can't come on camera
Like you're holding that firm boundary of not sharing your number on social media. I I think that's smart
Like and that's fine. And if if they're not willing to respect that boundary
Then that's your answer
they unmatched you, then you were just God defended.
Like you don't owe anybody your number that's a stranger.
Like you can have a couple exchanges
and then share your number, share a Google number,
do a video Zoom call, like whatever that looks like.
So yeah, if any of you ladies have questions about that,
again, we are here in the app to answer those questions.
I'm gonna be in there today and tomorrow
to catch up as well, hopefully.
Awesome, okay, perfect, perfect.
So yeah, I apologize if I got to all the chat,
but it's been a pleasure ladies,
always jump on tonight with Ebony as well.
And I'm gonna talk with her tonight as well
about how her session went, how long it went.
And we're gonna see what we,
as we continue to go through these teachings.
Now, I think we've gotten through all of our teachings.
When we go back and do reteaches,
we're hopefully gonna be able to scale some things
so that maybe our teaching portions are not as long
so we can answer a lot more questions.
Okay, so hopefully that helps.
All right, ladies have a blessed rest of your day.
We'll talk to you soon.