I'm going to go ahead and start it Monday, February 2nd,
men's heart check-in 2026.
We're just trying to get to know each other.
So go right, continue on guys.
Wherever you're going to go next there, Mike.
I think Jonathan has been on before,
but Jonathan, are you there?
Hey, how's it going?
All right. Have you been on before?
I vaguely, you may, it may be somebody else,
but you seem like you've been here before.
First time.
Oh, see, okay, well, there you go.
First time. Okay.
All right, cool.
So you just look familiar.
Okay. So where are you from?
Where are you at?
What do you do?
I'm in Orlando.
Currently have two jobs.
First job, I work for a ministry based in Colorado.
I work from home.
They have a 24 seven phone per line.
So I work as one of the prayer ministers.
And then I also have a job working
for a phone insurance company,
doing a little bit of tech,
customer service and sales kind of combined.
So yeah.
Sweet.
Yeah, that's cool.
I see Mr. Henshaw and Silverman.
They're old G's here.
Yeah.
You know, David, I don't know what you had rolling.
You ready to rock and roll?
Yeah.
So guys, how's it going?
Want to hear from you new guys a little bit.
I know you've introduced yourself,
kind of got around the room,
but I know you might have also said
how you heard about the program,
which is kind of interesting.
So we'll probably cover that just one more time.
So I'm just curious.
I might've missed that.
I apologize.
I was on here three minutes later,
had to get Jackie set up in the studio
over for another event of ours.
That's the heart work for couples, you know?
She just rewrote the heart work book.
So if those of you that are familiar with
and going through the heart work book,
she rewrote it last year for couples
and literally rewrote the entire thing.
And so now we've been releasing in sort of a beta
December of last year, the heart work for couples.
And we're kind of going through it step-by-step
doing some new check-ins for that and some new videos.
She's teaching that tonight.
And that's helpful for those who are not just newly married,
but it's a way for us to also serve people
that are already married or have been married for some time
and are experiencing the realities of marriage
and wanting to do their heart work.
So it's just kind of a new thing that we started offering.
Anyway, so tell me a little more about you guys.
We usually go around and just kind of open the floor
on these heart check-ins.
Everybody is inevitably at some point
in different stages of their heart work.
So this is intended to be kind of support
for the heart work material, the course or the book.
As folks are going through it,
the heart work is intended to be a four
to five week process initially.
Heart work is a protocol that once you learn it,
you can begin to use it as a tool throughout.
Anytime any kind of pain point comes up,
it's like, hey, this is kind of like, this sucks,
like this hurts or I had this situation happen.
And what we say is that any kind of pain,
any kind of memory or situation that creates a new
or elicits any kind of pain or shame or guilt
or frustration or anger,
any of the negative side effects of just life in general
gives us an opportunity to discover,
hey, is there something there?
Why am I feeling this way?
Why am I reacting this way?
Why did I, especially in a relationship?
Okay, it's one thing if you're just like,
you trip on a rock.
No joke, the other day I was, it snowed here in Texas.
It actually didn't snow.
It just kind of like drizzled
and then it became ice immediately.
So it wasn't really snow accumulation
that turned into ice eventually.
And last Monday I was around on the property.
We had kind of like locked in for 48 hours,
Saturday and Sunday,
got a bunch of food and had the kids over,
my adult kids and they're married.
And I was like, just spending the night for the weekend.
So we decided to go family time and it was great.
But Monday morning came around, I was like,
well, we got to get back to doing stuff.
And I was like, I can get that.
truck out, you know, it's just like, just a little bit of pack
snow or something on the driveway. I moved my truck
about five feet, and it started to slide off into the ditch. And
I was like, Oh, Lord said, I don't want to wreck my truck.
I'm trying to turn this thing around. I have an F 150. And
I'm like, this is not good. And so I was so mad. And I was
irritated. So like, I have to now basically wait this out for
another day, temperature to come up and melt this off. Later that
afternoon, it actually did melt off enough to where it's like to
kind of move it. And so, you know, I grew up in Columbus,
Ohio. So I know what snow and ice and bunch of stuff is. And
that's why I live in Texas now because I'm trying to avoid
that. But it will be every once in a while Texas gets it. But
I'm out and about on my property on Monday. And I slip and fall
on the ice three times. Now I'm not talking about like, I'm not
talking about Oh, I slipped a little bit. I'm talking about
movie like walking up like both legs up in the air, fall on your
back. Three unique, separate and individual different day parts
time of the day. I'm not I'm talking about like, not just
like all slip three times in a row. I'm talking about like,
three separate incidences like and I'm 54. And I'm like, man,
falling like that on ice and rock and ground and all that
that's, that is not good for the body. It was definitely sore the
next day. So I'm not talking about when stuff like that
happens, because that's just like life. But when in
relationship, if you're feeling any kind of trauma and pain,
it's an opportunity for you to go, why do I feel this way? Why
do I why am I reacting this way? Why does this piss me off? You
know, why does it when I in you, it could be somebody in
your in relationship with that, you know, somebody that's close
to you, or somebody that's kind of just casually in your world
in your sphere, it could be a complete stranger. You know, and
it's just like, why I don't even know this person. Why does this
person tick me off so much? Why does this, you know, so it's an
opportunity for you to take that and go, Okay, Lord, I'm not
what's wrong with me. Don't go to the self deprecation. Don't
go to the something's wrong with me. I'm bad. I'm not good. It's
an opportunity to be curious. It's an opportunity for you to
to investigate. Us guys, we're not inquisitive enough about our
makeup, our emotional makeup. We're not inquisitive enough
about are curious enough about what makes us tick. What makes
us think and react and behave. Lots of times we just go and do
because we feel something and we just do it. We don't even we
don't even check with our emotions. They're there. They're
inside, they're operating at all times, but we don't really check
with them. We just kind of do what's next. You know, we're
famous for that. We're famous for just kind of going with
whatever and maintaining a level of happiness and peace
however we can. And the problem with that is is that doesn't
really give us the level of awareness emotionally,
especially in relationship and then furthermore in ultimately
in love relationships for us to be present. Because trust me,
our female counterparts, they want you to what? They want you
to feel, they want you to talk, they want you to express, they
want you to relate, they want you to put down your agenda and
be relational. My wife tells me all the time, you are
prioritizing your agenda right now, over your our
relationship, meaning that I, I just want to get done what it
is I need to get done in the moment. And I had this in my
mind, and I was going after and now, you know, she's stopping me
from going about my agenda. And so if we were more aware, guys,
of these things, in our life, we would also discover not just the
things that we're uninterested in, like, I mean, again, I get
it. The things that excite the feminine, in terms of emotional
are not usually the same things that excite the guys emotionally unless it's sex or unless
it's something that's very base like that.
We're interested in other things.
And I guess what I'm trying to say is being curious about your feelings, being curious
about what makes you tick is what gets you to not only relationally where you want to
be, but it gets you where you want to be in life, in your goals.
If there's an area in your life where you feel like you're lacking, you would like to
be better at, you would like to be more successful with, you would like to be at a different,
and it's not just about financial success, but in a different station or achievement,
or you want to feel better about yourself.
Maybe it's a physical thing.
Maybe it's a number of different things.
If you're paying attention to your emotional state and you're paying attention to things
that are hurting you and the traumas that they're based it, and you go through heartwork
to heal from the trauma, we all have trauma.
We all have insecurities.
We all have things that we're needing to fix.
When we pay attention to that, we give ourselves a much better opportunity to be the very thing
that we've always wanted to be.
It gives us the opportunity to put away excuses, to say, oh, I can't be that, or I can't be
this, or I can't be what I want to be because of my childhood, because my dad did this,
or because I grew up here, or because I've always been a loser in this area.
I've always been overshadowed, overlooked.
I've always been not rewarded or understood for who I am and what I bring to the table.
These are very common male emotions.
These are very common male deficiencies where all of us feel insecure.
We don't feel manly enough.
We don't feel worthy enough.
We don't feel in charge enough.
We don't feel a bunch of different things.
I don't know if you're struggling with some of these things tonight, guys, but I usually
just open up the floor and let people share and just say, hey, this is what I'm dealing
with as I'm going through the hard work.
We even have moments where guys are like, hey, this is a win.
I was here last week, or two weeks, or a month ago, and I've been doing some work,
and now I'm here with this.
We got some wins on here.
I want to just open the floor for everyone to share something that's been going on.
You can pose it as a question.
You can pose it as like, hey, here's me, and what do you all think?
What we do is we try to support each other.
We try to go around, and we try to be there for each other.
We try to help out.
We try to render some sort of understanding about, hey, if nothing else, it's like, yeah,
that's me too.
You're not the only one.
Or hey, that happened to me, and this is what I did about it.
So I want to open that up for you guys tonight to share.
So anybody have an idea, any bold enough, brave enough to go first on this?
Go ahead, Mike.
So if you can't figure out how to raise your hand like Mike did, that's okay.
No worries.
Sometimes I can't do it myself, kind of shout out.
It depends on what platform you're on too, if you're on a laptop or iPad, I don't know.
So here, I've been dating this gal for two and a half months, and then I have a tendency
to attract avoidance.
So now she's balanced, which I'm like, okay.
So there's attachment styles, where there's anxious attachment, where you're anxious and
you're always wanting connection, and when somebody pulls away, you get anxious and you
keep going, hey, where are you?
How are you doing?
There's avoidant attachment was when, when, um, because love has never been
safe, they bounce and they leave.
Uh, and then there's secure attachment where you're like watching the anxious
and these, uh, watching both the other styles and going, okay, you
just do what you're going to do.
So my, I guess my question is, is, um, I've never really successfully
navigated a avoidant relationship.
And I'm just wondering, anybody have any insight when, what to do when
somebody like disappears after you guys got real close, so, so anybody,
anybody have that issue where they had somebody run away and then
when you say real close, Mike, um, like we were, we were, it was pretty intense.
Okay.
And so, uh, like you were, like, you were level three is what you're saying.
Yeah.
We were dating in like a level three context.
Um, and level three just means exclusive guys.
Yeah.
And so, um, and it was going great and we were supposed to go out on a date.
She got real sick, um, which wasn't a big deal, but then something happened in that,
you know, she said something to the point of, Hey, I can't make it tomorrow.
Please don't hate me.
And I was like, I'll never hate you.
That's just not in my nature, you know?
And so, um, and then she, but this is a person that when you, when they left,
you never saw them again, or you're in proximity to them where you saw them.
I have, I haven't seen her for two weeks now.
Okay.
It was her birthday last week.
So I wished her happy birthday.
Cause so I just, I just had never, huh?
She ghosted.
I wouldn't say ghosted.
Cause she's checking on my Instagram and everything else, right?
You know, like, so she's not, she's like chiming in and hearting things and doing
stupid crap like that, but not actually returning calls, read to text.
I mean, at best, I mean, at, this is going to sound weird, but at best she's
immature because it seems an immature way to handle a relationship.
A hundred percent.
Um, and at worst she's just truly not interested and she doesn't know how to.
Say that she doesn't know how to deal with that.
She doesn't know how to, like, for some reason she has decided this is not for
me and she's not handling that well, either.
I mean, those are, those are extremes.
There's going to be some other things in there, but I mean, bottom line, I mean,
do you feel that that's either of those as possible?
I really, I really feel like I, when we connected and that she took
off because she was scared, right?
Right.
Yeah.
I mean, if, if you're talking about Mike, that's what I was going to say is that
she, she might have issues with people get, once they get too close
that she starts pulling away.
And so like, and we are in community together, so I've been,
I don't want to pee in the pool.
And, and, and we had, and dude, when we're hanging out, it's amazing.
It's absolutely phenomenal.
But, um, so anyways, no, I just, I'm like, do I just, well, cause I, I mean,
I was at a conference this weekend and it was, it's not that I'm not
looking for other options, right.
But do you hold the door open for that?
Or are you just kind of let it go?
I mean, the thing about it is, is, is, um, obviously with avoidance and, and,
um, being in, in that situation, that proximity, if there's a reason to go
forward in the relay, if the relationship is worth it, but if it's worth it,
then you might give it time.
I mean, of course there's, you know, avoidance, if she's going to be that,
then it's, it's, it's time.
Um, but if it's some point where, you know, you're deciding you're discerning
like, oh, she's just not into this and she's not going to be because it's being
avoided, like permanently avoidant that you want to move on and protect your
heart.
There's no reason to, you know, hold a flame for somebody who just isn't going
to.
No, not yet.
No, I have my gut is that she back around shortly.
Right.
But I just, I, I haven't navigated this well before.
So I'm like any insight into how, like how to, how to walk, walk it.
Right.
But yeah, no.
So that's that, at that point, that's where you lean into all the things that
other things you've got going for you.
This, this is why as a man, this is why we have to be, we have to have a greater
life purpose.
Yeah.
Like I have, like, I mean, you have children.
I mean, that's, that's, that's a good purpose.
But what I'm saying is I'm about like a greater life purpose.
Oh, yeah, no, I mean, I've been ministry for 24 seven, right?
Yeah, and I get it. That's why I'm saying this for the for the record for listening.
It's kind of like, you know, this is this is where, you know, I understand it can be very high
emotionally, especially if you feel like you're connecting with somebody and it's going on, this
may go somewhere and it's like kind of exciting and so forth. But at the same time, you know, when
somebody pulls away, it's just like, your life has to be in such a way that's like, this is not my
entire life. Like, I have things to do. I have business to take care of. I have like, a life
purpose. I am about doing that. That's a part that especially from a man's point of view, that's
something that makes makes you the most attractive. Because you're, you're doing stuff, right? You're
taking care of your business, you're taking care of what you got to do, you're living your life.
Like in an old school sort of Hallmark romance way, you know, you you're out on the farm with
your shirt off, and you're bailing hay, and you're just taking care of the animals, and you're doing
stuff, you know, I'm, you get my analogy, like, you're out there just like getting shit done,
you know, type thing. That's kind of like the the response. So you lean back into that part.
And you be that. So that, you know, if there's a if there's a if there's a hope for the relationship,
you know, she she understands, man, this guy's doing stuff. This guy is, you know, like, I'm
missing out. Like, why would I not want to be with this guy? This he's over here, being this doing
this, all that, like, that's attractive. So it's kind of simple and kind of silly, but just like,
at that point, you'd be attractive. I mean, it's kind of simple advice, but it's just like, okay,
what you got to do to be attractive, just be attractive.
Well, yeah, so cool. Yeah, no, that's kind of what I figured. But just, you know, I'm just
living my life. And I'm leaving the door open a jar. Yeah, I don't know, like fully open, you
know, like, well, and when she comes back, we're gonna have a conversation. We'll have a convo.
Hey, you know, you can have your space, but I need you to actually engage to leave like,
I'll leave the light on for you. Yeah, I'll leave the light on for you. So but cool. Thanks. Yeah,
I got the gun show going, you know, I gotta get those guns back going. I gotta get to where you
I've been a little flabby because of the holidays. So we got to get back in.
So all right. Go ahead, Christopher, I think you were next.
I was told very specifically, last week to mention that I completed week two this week
of the artwork. So awesome. I guess the big thing that hit me from the artwork was
talking about the process of the lies. Like first, we believe the lie, then we speak the lie,
and then we become the lie. And just the example of the abandonment that was in the book,
I was like, Oh, that hurt really badly, because that was very similar to what I was,
what I'm dealing with right now. So and just for context, I, I was married.
My wife passed away from cancer in 2016. So yeah, and Mike, I will tell you, I wanted to like pop,
you know, pop in with some insight for you. But all I can offer is commiseration,
because I've been there. So sorry. But yeah, that's, that's what hit me from the artwork.
I mean, I have a ton of things from the artwork, but that definitely got triple highlights for me.
Wow. What lie were you believing? You might have said it, but I'm just I'm just trying to
get drilled down to that. Like, what did you feel like there was a certain lie or lies that
you were believing that would now be different? I mean, like, or, or and kind of what did you
either replace that with? Or what? What did you realize that wasn't true?
Oh, and the abandonment thing is definitely me in some seasons. But the one I also wrote down was
the lie of like, I'm not really worth anything to a woman anymore. Like I'm pushing 40.
I'm widowed. I'm like, like, I'm just like, I don't have anything else to offer. I'm, I'm short.
I'm not that particularly attractive. Like, what's the what's there for a young,
attractive, kind Christian woman to latch on to in like, who's in her 30s or 40? Like,
shoot, she's those people have found somebody. And I guess that was the lie I started to believe
about myself. There's just no point in like, investing in that part because I'm not I'm too
old to have kids. I'm too old to do that kind of stuff. That's definitely the lie I've been living
out. You
You do have kids, did you say that before?
No, no, no, no kids.
We were trying to have kids when she was diagnosed,
but we did not.
And when you say that you felt abandoned,
where did that part come from in your history?
I did a really good thing about switching
into a different church in a different way,
at Walk with God.
I kind of had a crossroads where I could abandon
after my wife died or push in farther.
And I ended up pushing in,
which was the best decision I made.
But-
Are you saying the abandonment was,
you felt the abandonment when she passed?
Like as in just like not, she wasn't there anymore.
Or was this more of a root from childhood
or something else that happened in life?
I think lately it's been just,
now that I've had so much time in between my crisis,
because everyone was there for me in the crisis,
I was really lucky.
But now it's like, I'm just kind of adrift.
Everyone's living their life.
I have a new job.
No one knows.
I mean, very few people in my current life
know my history now.
Yeah, life has gone on and now your life around you
does not aware of this pain that you're still carrying.
Yeah, I get it.
And nor should they.
And I don't think they should, it's like done.
Yeah, yeah.
No, but it's real.
That's the thing, you know?
And wow, you know, I, yeah, I'm sorry that that's,
that's happened.
I will give you a little information that,
I mean, you seem like, you seem like a good dude.
You seem like, you know, you've got things together.
You're like, you know, you're not destitute and,
or, you know, like floundering in, you know,
you're in a good community, you're working,
you're doing your life, you're managing.
That is like, you know, when they said that old thing
back in the day, it was like, knowing is half the battle.
Like you've got like 80% of the battle.
And then the odds are in your favor
because I would say there's probably eight, nine, 10 women
for every one of you that's out there
that just needs a good man, you know?
You're not perfect.
None of us are perfect, but it's not about being perfect.
It's being conscientious.
It's being like, I am showing up, I'm trying, I'm doing.
Like you've had a massive trauma.
And so you're in the process of having been healed
and are healing from that.
But at the same time, in terms of your worthiness
or like your availability, bro,
the odds are in your favor for sure.
And like, we've been preaching out here to the ladies.
We've been like, look, ladies, some of their hangups
are like, well, he's gotta be so such and such height.
He's gotta be this and that.
I don't wanna take care of some old man, whatever.
Like ladies, like you're passing up
all of the actual good guys for this fantasy dude
that doesn't exist.
And you yourself don't measure up even to the standards
that some of you are out there doing.
So it's like, look, you know, go for the guy that,
you know, if you wanna put a number on it,
go for the guy that's a seven and is gonna love Jesus,
is gonna try hard, is gonna show up for you,
is gonna actually be there through this relationship
and give it a chance.
And he's got some life experience.
I mean, you're a guy that you've been through hell,
you know, and you can't tell me
that there's an immense amount of experience
and maturity and substance that you've been through
that you can give in relationship
because of what you've been through.
Now, you may not have realized that yet.
You may not have understood that yet
and it might take some time,
but there's a wealth of depth, you know,
when you get to, you know,
through your level of like healing through this
that, you know, is gonna be, you know,
you're gonna be compassionate.
You're going to be understanding.
You're going to be like, you're just a different person.
And I think in a good way, you know?
So take that-
I wouldn't choose it, but I wouldn't change it.
I do.
Oh, of course, yeah.
Yeah, that's-
Yeah.
I couldn't do the job I do now
if I hadn't gone through what I've gone through.
It just gave me a different level of understanding
of how to deal with crisis.
So-
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
And, you know, turning that tragedy
into the rest of your life,
being, you know, being skilled at something
that you're like,
hey, I didn't have that before this happened.
And you're right.
I love how you say that.
Like, I wouldn't choose it,
but you're like the same time.
you know, I've been immensely transformed by this in a good way.
So that's, that's something that pops up in my personal, like pain is like,
I would be so much better of a husband to my wife, my late wife.
Wow.
Of how I am now. And sometimes I feel like I robbed her because she was a really great wife.
I'm like, Oh man, I wish she had seen me now.
Oh, well, that's, that's, that's a really good thing. And that's real. That's super real.
That is super honest and super real. And that's powerful. That's going to be,
that's going to be a redeeming thing for you. And I just, man, I believe with you
and for you that you are going to find somebody that you're going to be able to just
be that great husband to when you're ready. And when, when the time comes.
That's why I'm, I'm doing this programs because that kind of stuff doesn't
write well on a dating profile on Bumble.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, you got it. Yeah. She has to meet you to be like, Oh, this dude is like,
there's another level to this guy, you know? And that's going to be, that's going to be a bonus.
Yeah.
Your tragedy is going to be turned into a bonus in your next relationship.
Thank you, man. That's good. Thanks for, thanks for showing up. Thanks for being here.
I think Chris you're next. Go ahead.
And then we have Kevin, I think Kevin's after, after you.
Hey David. I was highly encouraged when I heard you utter a cuss word. So I know this is real
here. So I, I found this I found this group through two women that have gone through this
program. And so that's kind of how I, how I got here. I'm on week one, I've completed the work
for week one. And so I, I kind of wanted to throw out my engine lights that I, that I went over and
been praying about. And I had an incident last night, lo and behold, that we might want to talk
about too. So the, the engine lights for me are overthinking. This is a terrible habit of mine.
I have a tendency to overthink things. I do deal with some anxiety and I've also recently
had an experience where I approached one very passively and I learned from that experience.
And I'm a natural leader. I, that was recognized me when I was a little boy
and pointed out to me, but I am a natural leader, but I, I can be a passive at times
and I need to kind of overcome that.
Okay. Oh, so these are just things kind of like just lighting up on the dashboard for you,
is what you're saying? Yes, sir. Yeah. And what, how do you think, how do you think
when you say you're passive, like, what does that look like? Just as an example,
I mean, are you, are, what is your, what's your relationship history? Like, have you,
have you been married before? I've been married twice. Okay. First marriage was a 12 year marriage.
Second marriage was in and out one year. I've been single for 17 years. Okay. And only have,
and I've only been in one serious relationship since then. And that ended seven years ago.
Okay. Any children? I have two daughters and eight grandkids.
Oh, wow. That's awesome. Yeah. I have a relationship with them. You see them and
in their lives. Okay. Awesome. And what, what happened on the first marriage?
First marriage, my college girlfriend got pregnant. We got married 12 year marriage,
seven years into a 12 year marriage. I told her, sat her down and say, Hey, this isn't right.
Something's got to change. She is a alcoholic. And that wasn't why I left. I left because of
the infidelity that she made some bad decisions. So I stayed, so I sat her down at seven years.
I stayed another five terribly painful years for my kids. And when my daughter's got old enough to
see that our relationship.
ship wasn't right. That's when I felt comfortable leaving. Now, that all being said, I have a great
relationship with her now. We go to family, you know, gatherings, I get text messages from her
like, Hey, do you remember that Jimmy Buffett concert and blah, blah, blah. So I do have a
really good relationship with her. And were you, were you a believer at the time throughout,
throughout all that? Or is that something new or something?
No, I came to the Lord. I was one of the guys that was drug in the church by my daughters
and I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior at the age of 62. I accepted Jesus at
about 35 years old. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Wow. Yeah. That's some, that's some life man. And
um, so when you say like you're, you're passive, like what, what makes you feel that way?
I'll give you an example. Um, so if I, so a woman I went out with not long ago, um,
that ended, I don't know, a little over a month ago. Um, so she's extremely busy. Um,
and so I would, you know, approach her about getting together in the context of,
Hey, do you have time to get together this weekend? What, what, what works for you
instead of the approach of, can I take you out on Saturday night? Um, so that, I guess that's
an example of what I think is a passive approach versus a, you know, a more,
you know, a lead leader type approach. Yeah. I mean, you know, that, that to me, I mean, passivity.
Yeah. I'm sure you could use that word for that. To me, I think it's a little bit more
what I'm hearing you say. I would just on it, just on kind of how you shared it. I feel like
it's more like just a little bit of a confidence thing and I'm not ridiculing. I'm just saying
that like, Oh, you know, you could have played that hand a little stronger. I don't know if
it's passivity. Passivity usually is as a, as a, as a personality trait or as a problem trait for
men, especially passivity is a greater problem than just, Hey, I didn't really play that hand
very well. You know what I'm saying? Like I did, um, I could have been a little bit stronger in
the ask. I could have been a little bit more like leader. So I would just, in that case, it'd be
more like, okay, um, Hey, I just gotta go work on my game a little bit. You know, Hey, if I, if,
if I feel like somebody who's, you know, like I'm interested in really wanting to ask them out,
you know, I should like level up my game just a little bit in order to like, you know, and you
are, you even said it to yourself. So like, if it were me, I would just kind of rehearse it to
myself and the mirror to, I don't know, just kind of like, you know, kind of get your game up and
then get the confidence and then do it, do it the way that you like know that you can do it. Um,
and that's good thing, you know, um, then you can feel good about it and shoot your shot.
And if it goes like you want it to go, then that's great. You did, you get a good job.
If it doesn't go the way that you want it to go, you least did your best try. I mean, you did,
you did, you put it out there, you know, and you can't control that part of it, but you can control,
you know, how you show up. So yeah, I mean, it's just more of a confidence thing that I would say
than like passivity. Um, but, um, yeah, man, I mean, like if you're, um, I love it that you're
just starting out getting the heart work, you know, go through it, um, see what the Lord reveals
and helps you out with. And, you know, um, I wish you the best in, in this journey, because it's,
uh, as long as you're open and long as you're just like, okay, Lord, I give you permission
to start revealing things. We don't really dig for things. We don't really try to look for things.
We don't try to, you know, turn over stones to try to like find stuff in our life. We just allow
Holy spirit to kind of reveal it to us through the season of this, you know, 30 days or, or,
you know, 40 days of heartwork, right? We just allow that, allow God given permission.
That's one of the first things we do in heartwork is give permission for Holy spirit to have his
way and to start just revealing you some of the things he wants to fix. So good start, man.
Thank you for shit is Kevin. Yeah Kevin saw on here. Good. Yeah, I'm still on here
So this is my first week today. I just started
The first heart course
Watch the first video not quite through with the first phase of the e-book. I'm about halfway
I
Heard about this through Kingdom Seekers when Jackie was on a few years ago
I kind of joined one of the Facebook groups on there last year and posted a video and stuff, but
Never can I really had any response and every time I kind of looked at the stuff
it was always using words like her and and
Stuff and I was like, well, that's more geared towards the female than the guy. I don't know. I don't know
But I did some heart work on on Kingdom Seekers, you know, they had some back
Some breakout rooms and some heart healing rooms
that that I did and I just
I've been I'm divorced. I've been divorced almost 21 years
and
And pretty single most of those 21 years
especially the last
10 to 15. I
Just kind of gave up on it, even though I'm a companion person
And I get that and I feel you know, I even though I have a huge family
I've got I mean that live right by me. I got six grandkids and two daughters
And two sisters and a brother that all live in the same town and it's a little town of 3,500
Which I attribute to part of me being single for so long
There's there's no
Yeah, yeah, the closest city is 260 miles away, you know, and we're you know, we're
we're
35 3,500 in winter and 15 20,000 in the summer, you know
so
No
Bigger part it's a destination town people come there for like what it were
Why is it so hot in the summer in the summer is for halibut fishing?
Oh, okay. Yeah, I live in Valdez, Alaska. Wow. Wow
And and it's the snow capital the snow capital of North America as far as towns go. Oh, okay
30 miles way up in the past. They get six to nine hundred inches of snow
You know, oh geez in 98. I seen it snow 15 feet three days in town
And we can still drive to the stores we have an outstanding story movable
thing here, I mean
Usually it snows feet here not inches, you know. Yeah, the last two snows was two feet apiece, you know, so
But I've lived here since
1998 in Valdez and I've lived in Alaska since I was 16
So, I don't know if you can hear my grandkids screaming in the background
But I'm a truck driver by trade I'm in a teamsters union
Think the heaviest load off hold is about 250,000 pounds. I
Do I do low boy? I do a lot of low boy work
I've worked for the same company for
About
18
18 years with all the time off in between there's a company that I've been working with for
18 years with all the time off in between there's a few years when I was a few years that I took off
After my divorce to go so the kids could be around their grandparents
You know us down in the States but for the most part I've worked for the same company the whole time yeah
I love that you're serving your family
Yeah, you I love that that's very honorable and very
Very good on you. That was another thing in before my kids. All my kids are are my youngest ones 20 now
my oldest one is
34 now
I'm staying with her
for the winter I
Usually get laid off to do in the winter and
sometimes I'll do some odd jobs like go up and work on a North Slope for a different company for a couple months, but
I stay in my travel trailer here. I've got a cabin in 20 acres about 500 miles away from here
But it's it's it's a lot colder there in the wintertime and
You know after the divorce my when I let my kids when they started staying back with their mom
When the girls got into that
puberty age. I wanted all the kids together so they all went and stayed with their mom
because the girls definitely wanted to and I felt they needed to. So I'd travel back and forth to
the States in the winter, stay down there two or three months. And most of the time I'd be at her
mom at their mom's house. I'd usually do couch crashing. But anyway, I just figured if at the
very least, even though my heart's desires to be with some defined, you know, love my life and be
with them. Even if that didn't happen, the heart work part of it is, is something I'm really
interested in. Wow, I don't know if I'm I don't know if I'm numb to that kind of stuff. Because I
mean, like watching, watching movies and, and, and other people's lives and seeing things
happen, you know, that relate to something that happened to me, I'll get tears in my eye, I'll get
choked up, I get choked up really easy. But
that's man, when we pass a certain age, we just, you know, think we get emotional. I cry at movies
too. I mean, I've got adult kids. And when a father and daughter like scene comes on, and it's
real sentimental. I mean, I yeah, I get it. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Even as a dog member watching the land before time one, and where Littlefoot's mom dies, I it's
still the emotional thing.
Like it's you under under, you're an emotional mess. It's all right.
Yeah, yeah, I, I, I mean, even even watching like Gold Rush or something, you know, somebody gets
treated unfairly. I'm like, that's just not right. You know, but I can feel it. I can feel but when it
a lot of times when it happens to me or stuff that's happened to me, I'm just oblivious to it. And I
you know, sometimes that that just doesn't make sense to me. You know, I'm just like, or, or it
might be bugging me. I just don't know. That's what's bugging me. You know, it that stuff that's
really close doesn't always get to me. You know?
Yeah, no, I get it. Because yeah, we can we can see it. It's funny, because that's what men do.
We're designed that way in a way because when it comes time to fight, or when it comes time to get
stuff done, and it becomes time like, hey, there's a there's a need for a power and strength to
accomplish something because, you know, we don't have time to be emotional. You know, we do really
good in those ways, because we are able to compartmentalize our emotions to the point where
like, hey, I can't worry about that right now. I've got something to do. Like I've got a task about a
job, I have a duty, you know, like, we're really wired that way. But when there's no demand for our
strength, our mental, our physical, our determination, strength, then it can be
challenging, you know, in the relationship. So that's kind of why the things that are close to you
emotionally, sometimes can miss like you don't realize it. But you see it in another instance,
like a movie scene, or you see it in something else, just because it's kind of kind of the way we're
wired. But the heartwork process, again, I was telling Chris, like, you know, it's it's an
opportunity for us to just give God permission to bring things to the surface that we don't look for,
and allow him to just to kind of take this take this season. And to bring things to our remembrance,
we just got it, we just got to be paying attention, we just got to say like, Oh, you know, like, this thing
happened, and it's kind of unique. And it's kind of like that usually doesn't happen. That's probably a
moment where Holy Spirit's, you know, taking a situational opportunity to show you something. So
that's just kind of where we need to pay attention.
Right? That's, that's, that's, I mean, the, the dating aside, because, I mean, I've got a little bit of hope
there, you know, as far as finding somebody, there's a little bit of hope there, but not a lot. Okay, but the
relationship, I probably need to fix the most is the one in between me and God. You know, so so I can, so I
can, so I can hear him better and know when I'm getting direction from him, and correction from him.
And, you know, guidance from him on what because I'm, I'm in a limbo place. Right now, the, the
company that I work for here, he just sold. He's got a skeleton crew going right now, but by by this
fall, it'll be totally dissolved. You know, he'll be done.
And he's like in his 80s, he needs to retire.
So he sold the company and he's not really just a boss
to an extent he's kind of a friend as much as a friend,
I mean, as I have, you know, he's a multimillionaire,
you know, so talking to him sometimes it's kind of hard
because he's so used to everybody
wanting something from him.
Oh, sure.
You know, especially guys, women,
women, he'll take care of them and their needs.
And, you know, he's really keen on their needs.
The guys, his mindset is, well, if that's what you need
or that's what you want,
you better go work a little bit harder, you know.
And you're just trying to be a friend to a guy like that.
So that's right.
Well, he is, I mean, I have two son-in-laws
that work for him and a daughter,
and I've had, my daughters have worked,
I have one daughter that worked for,
since she was 18 until last year,
now she's going to, she's in nursing school in college.
And he paid for that, you know.
But he used to fly my kids out.
He even went down to the States one year
when I was working on working
and took them out Christmas shopping
before I got done with my job
and I could be there for Christmas, you know.
What a guy.
Yeah, I mean, my sister's been his executive secretary
for about 23 or 24 years,
but I mean, he has spoiled my family.
I mean, he's taking us out on his yacht
and fishing and fishing trips and stuff like that.
So, I mean, he's just that kind of guy.
He's probably the best boss that anybody could ever have.
If he fires you, if he fires you, you definitely messed up.
There ain't no question about it.
You deserved it.
You for sure messed up.
Because I'll push the limit on some things in my,
you know, going through my divorce and other things
that, as far as I'm concerned,
if anybody deserved to get fired, it was me, you know.
But he never did.
He always let me have my space,
take time off work to fix my personal problems
and stuff like that.
I can feel it.
You're a good man.
You know, and that's what I want to say to everyone on here.
And like I said, before beginning this call,
earlier in this call,
and for those of you that are watching this in replay
and were here and maybe had to jump off
or some of the other guys
that just weren't able to be here tonight,
is that, you know, you guys are good guys.
You guys are great guys.
You guys are conscientious.
You're heartfelt men.
You're doing the work.
You're showing up.
You're trying to be there for your family.
You're trying to do the right thing.
I was on a podcast the other day for a guy
that he has a brand called Next Third Best Third.
He's in his sixties.
He got divorced.
His wife left him a few years ago
and it was one of the hardest things, you know,
that's ever happened to him.
And he's a changed man from it,
but he's still, you know, without a wife.
And he's just like, you know what?
I'm going to talk to men.
I don't really want to talk to men,
but I'm going to start this podcast.
I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm going to do it.
And his idea is,
is that the next third of your life is the best third.
And he comes from the premise of kind of like, you know,
your first 30 years is your getting years.
Your next 30 years is your using years.
And your next 30 years is your giving years.
And it doesn't necessarily have to be 30, 60, 90,
but what I'm saying is, is like the next third
or the next stage of your life is the best stage.
And so wherever you're at, you're young guy, middle,
you're, you know, you know, beyond 50, 60, whatever,
the next, the next third of your life,
the next stage of your life is the best stage
because there's always more.
There's always a good God that is on your side.
It's not over.
There is so much to do.
There's so much to accomplish.
You feel like some of us old guys are like, you know,
well, you know, I don't know.
I'm seeing, you know, less years in front of me
than behind me.
And I kind of, and I feel like I, you know,
didn't make as much of it as I could have.
There's a whole 20 years of my life
that I spent in vocational ministry
that I felt like, man,
I wish I would have had those 20 years back.
But there's part of those 20 years
that really meant something and taught me a lot of things.
And so I have an opportunity to really ball all that up
and put that to good use.
And I'm talented.
on you. You're a group of great guys, good guys, the odds are in
your favor. They really are like legitimately, it's like not even
a joke. It's not even like, like, like, I'm not trying to
make you feel better. I mean, literally, there are more women,
probably eight, nine, 10 to one or more that are doing their
preparation, and looking for a good man to connect with. So be
encouraged, be lifted up, continue to do the hard work.
Continue to show up like you are in your life. And make steps
make progress. I was on the pod, I didn't finish telling you
about the podcast. I was on the podcast. And he said, I want to
talk about risk and reward. And he told this short story of a
guy that recently just climbed a building, he was watching this
video, and this guy scaled the tallest building in the world.
Like, you know, outside with no ropes, or I don't know what it
was. I don't know all the details. But it was just like
ridiculous, how he did it, like free hand or whatever. And some
guy was asking the host of this podcast, my friend, he's like,
in that amazing, like, what do you think of that? And yes, I
think my friend was just like, thank you. But I think that guy
is crazy. You know, I think that guy is nuts. Like, like, that
doesn't make any sense. And what he was saying was, he was just
like, there are some things that seem inspiring. That seemed
like, wow, that's amazing. But to what advantage to what like
his risk, he risked literally his life, climbing up this
building, for what, as some sort of line item, in some sort of
history book or some journal someday. I'm not disparaging the
guy. I'm just like, that's interesting. That's amazing.
That's kind of cool. But it lasted about five seconds for
me. It did not have longevity to where it was just like, man,
that guy's inspired me to change the world. So what I'm
trying to say is, is that the things that are truly risky for
men, especially, especially good men, is to keep on doing the
right things and do right things better. Keep on being further
relational. Keep on doing the things that scare you, that
scare the hell out of you, the things that feared you fear the
most. I don't know if it might be scaling building. I don't
know. But I mean, like, hope it's something a little bit more
worthy than scaling a building, that facing your fears, and
facing the things that scare you. Some of you guys have
shared stories tonight, I can already tell what your where
your fears are at. You're like, Oh, I put myself out there
again. If I try harder, you know, I might get rejected, I
might fail, I might be worse off than before. No, man. There is
only try there is only moving forward, there is only facing
your fears. Take the risk. And the reward is the tremendous
payoff. It's the growth. It is the better version of yourself.
It is the relationship you didn't realize you could have. It
is the job that you could step into in the career like I never
thought I could, like there was a day when I was making $10 an
hour. And it was my first day job, like nine to five, and I
was just getting married. And I was making $10 an hour. And
there was a time in my life where I thought, I cannot
believe somebody is paying me $10 an hour to work a job. And
now that's like, I mean, like the minimum wages, I don't know
whatever it is. But I mean, I believe that $10 an hour,
somebody was paying me to do a job. And now, obviously, to me
$10 an hour to probably all of us on this call, like, Oh, okay,
well, $10 an hour is like nothing. But it's all relative
to the point where it's just like, you don't realize the
life you could live. If you continue to take the emotional
and the spiritual, like good risks, the things that are make
you feel uncomfortable, things that make you feel scared, the
major things that make you feel like, man, I feel so unworthy.
But I'm gonna just be worthy. I'm gonna just trust Jesus. I'm
gonna trust Jesus that his worthiness is greater than mine.
And that's all I need. I don't need myself to be worthy. I just
need his worthiness. And that's gonna get me through that's
gonna be that's gonna get me to the to the next step. That's
gonna get me
to the next thing. So I want you to be guys, I want you guys to
be lifted up. I want you to be encouraged tonight that you got
a lot of things going for you. I you're paying attention, ie you
love God, ie, you know, you show up. I eat, you know, you
actually have a concern. You're trying. You know how many guys
are not trying? You know how many guys are giving up? You
know how many guys are just like, whatever? You know, and
some, a lot of those guys are married. They have an
opportunity to actually develop in a relationship that they're
already in. And they're screwing it up because they just don't
give a shit. Because they're so wrapped up in their own failure,
their own emotions, their own medication, their own
selfishness. And here I got a lot of guys on this call in this
community that aren't selfish, that aren't unto their own
person, love God, and are trying and showing up. So that's a lot.
That is that's a that's a huge, huge advantage. So be
encouraged, be lifted up, guys. Um, I'm just gonna I'm just
gonna pray us out. And it's gonna this is gonna be our, our
time tonight. So we're getting 10 minutes past the hour here. I
thank you for all these guys. I bless them. I speak life, health,
wealth, prosperity over them. I thank you right now, Lord, that
you're working in their lives. Lord, give us give us the
boldness. Give us the strength to allow you to work fully,
fully in our lives, to bring us to where you want us to be to
where we could be to really step into our full potential in you
and bring you glory and have the benefits of it. In Jesus name.
Amen. Amen. All right, guys, God bless you. Have a great, great
week. And we'll see. Thank you for you. Some of you know, new
guys being on here. So awesome to see you. And I like four or
five new guys on tonight. So it's really awesome. It's good
or great meeting you and looking forward to getting to know you
a little bit better. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Have a great
week. Bless you too.