Hold on, guys.
It says it's recording, but I don't believe it.
So hang on.
Okay, it looks like it is.
Just want to make sure.
All right, you guys, so sorry about last week.
We had a freak apocalyptic ice storm here in Austin, Texas.
And for whatever reason, well, you know, I know what reason we live in the country.
And so we have, you know, we really rely on our data.
And I don't know if there was a cell phone tower down or what was going on, but we just
did not have good service.
And so we are going to condense three and four, week three and four into tonight, but
I think we'll be fine because we, it's, it's a lot of, I feel like week three is similar
content to week two, one and two, just with a little bit different flavor.
And then week four is where, you know, we're going to be dreaming for the future.
And so I think we should be able to be okay tonight.
So let's pray.
Father God, I thank you for this time together.
I thank you for the hard work for couples, Lord.
I thank you for couples that are willing to do their hard work, willing to even volunteer
to be the inaugural group that goes through this course, Lord, to kind of just look at
the material and to vet it out and to try it out, Lord, and be willing to really have
these deep conversations with each other and lean into these relationships that you've
blessed them with.
Lord, I pray that as we talk tonight and we go back and forth that each and every couple,
each and every person and every couple would hear what they need to hear in order to keep
this momentum going in their marriage, not just let it end here.
This is not just for a moment.
This is for momentum.
And so, Lord, we thank you for it in Jesus name.
Amen.
All right.
This has been so fun to have be with you guys for this first go round.
I was able to see some, just some mistakes in the, in the book that, you know, I wrote,
I wrote it really fast.
I put it together really fast.
And so I saw some things that I thought were a little redundant.
I also saw some things that were just straight up typos, just things that I was thinking
about and that I halfway changed and that I didn't fully change, like some names to
protect the innocent or guilty that didn't get, there was no continuity of those names
going through.
Like I changed it in one place and then it didn't change it in other places.
So thankfully those people are not in this class and so they don't know the difference.
And if you don't tell them, then no one will ever know, because I will change that before
anyone else goes through here.
So good times, good times.
All right.
So we are missing, we are missing one of our couples.
We are missing Stacy and Clayton, and I don't know if they're coming or not, because I have
not heard from them.
Did anyone notice anything?
In the chat, it did say that they weren't, oh, no, wait.
Yeah, I saw in the chat, they...
Yeah, it was Stacy.
Yeah.
She put a comment, said that they weren't coming.
Oh, they can't come?
Okay.
Yeah, he was out of town for, I think, 12 days, so they haven't been able to go through
the material together.
So they weren't able to make it tonight.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Let's see.
All right.
Awesome.
All right.
Well, they'll catch the replay.
Hopefully, they've been having a good time.
Who has had at least one breakthrough, either in yourself or in your communication, in yourselves
as a couple?
Who's at least had one during this week three and four?
Carla's like, did you?
Did I?
Yeah, I definitely did.
Okay.
Awesome.
Good.
And I think just overall for us in general, I mean, we're not fully complete with the
book quite yet.
Um, I will, I will say we got through material.
I mean, people don't like to read, but it's really easy read and it's,
you know, really short and well, yeah.
And we really enjoy like doing it together.
They made it through chapter eight.
Yeah.
Okay.
So that was success after the bumpy ride that we had, Jeremy had,
Jeremy had a good question and he was talking about the continuity of the
idea of mind versus heart and the ladies that have gone through heartwork
understand that when I mean mind, I really just mean heart because mind and
heart are interchangeable in scripture.
Like those words mean the same thing.
And so as far as the Hebrew word and, uh, the heart, the heart part
of us, or the soul part, that's also another word that's interchangeable.
So mind will emotions, heart soul.
That's all meaning the same part of us because we are spirits that live in
bodies that possess this part that I'm talking about, the heart part, the
mind, will, and emotions, the epicenter, the soul part, whatever you want to
call it, this is the part that makes you who you are.
Okay.
Your spirit.
Yes, that is, that's authentically who you are.
But when you are born again, your spirit is renewed, right?
Your soul is kind of the outlaw that continues to want to kind of go back
and forth between the two, the two, um, revelations, whether, you know, the,
the revelation that you are a son or daughter of God, and then of course,
the orphan revelation of the, of the fallen nature, the curse.
And so in all the information that's being kept in this epicenter.
Of us, this, like this catalog of us, um, has been put there.
It's been put there, not just by your experiences, but by the experiences
of people that came before you.
Things are handed down.
A lot of people feel like they didn't get any inheritance from
their family, except trauma.
They inherited trauma and that's all they inherited.
They inherited bad thinking.
They inherited, you know, harmful mindsets.
Um, I, I coach this, this one woman that I coached privately.
She's not married yet.
I'm part of the reason why she's not married.
In fact, she's never been in a marriage before.
But part of the reason that she's not married is because in her family,
she grew up believing, and it wasn't said.
It wasn't said overtly, but it was, it was communicated covertly, right?
It wasn't taught.
It was caught.
And here's what it was caught that people outside of this house,
this family are not safe.
They're not safe.
The only people that we can trust are each other.
Everybody else is not safe.
And so she spent her entire life just really being very distrustful
and suspicious of people, not just men, everybody.
So she hasn't had a lot of close friendships.
She hasn't felt completely comfortable in community.
She always has a guard up because that was, you know, that was drilled in.
That was ingrained so much.
Um, in her family.
And once again, her family didn't just say, Oh, people are not safe.
Don't trust them.
Her family said things like, um, you know, what happens in our house is private.
You shouldn't share, you know, personal things with people, you know, people
don't need to know about your, your personal life or your home life or, and
no, no abuse was happening in the home.
It wasn't like, it wasn't them trying to hide their tracks, but just little
things were said along the course of her life that just made her feel like the
only people she could trust were her, her parents and her siblings.
So these are the things that keep us from having intimacy.
These are the little foxes that spoil the vine, right?
Okay.
All right.
So we're going to go ahead and get into, we'll just start with the worksheets.
We'll start with the activations for week three and four.
Cause I know we have a lot of ground to cover and there's only three couples
here tonight, but I want you guys to have ample time to share.
And so if you want to take a look at that and refresh your memory, you can do that.
Um, I'm pulling it up here to you.
Yes.
You asked, did we, did we have some type of breakthrough or some type of
realization or something this past thing?
Sure.
Well, for me, I got it from your book.
You know, I pray for Phyllis all the time, quietly to myself, but I
started praying to her out loud.
For her.
Wow.
That's every day, every day.
And, and, uh, excuse me.
Um, you know, at first she didn't really react.
And then after a few times, I think the third or fourth day, then she prayed once
or twice and then, you know, back to me and then, and then it was a day or two
where she did, and then she started doing it continuously or consistently, I should
say, uh,
So I think for me that was something new because I never did that even in my previous marriage. I never did that before
You know, I prayed for Phyllis and I prayed for us quietly to myself or on my alone time
But never out loud to her and at first it was little a
little edgy, I guess or
Rolls off real smooth. Yeah. Yeah you guys this is so big. I
Love this. This is that's a huge breakthrough. That's a huge breakthrough to pray together to pray out loud together
I mean, yeah, it's great that you guys were praying for each other in your own prayer time
But you know covering her and praying for her and letting her hear what you're praying for her
That's really powerful and then Phyllis you reciprocating. Yeah
I mean, of course anything new is a little uncomfortable at first but pretty soon it just becomes second nature, right? Yeah
Wow, that's big. That's a big comes that way pretty quickly to when you
Know, yeah, you're gonna see a big shift from that. You couldn't you kind of or for me?
It was like well, why were we even fighting in the first place? Yeah
After a few times I love that that's great you guys this is so great. What a big shift that's gonna bring
It's already bringing it. I love that that makes it you guys that makes it all worth it. We can just go home
It's great. Well, you guys are home. And so am I all right? Okay, so that was beautiful
Yeah, let's let's just start with breakthroughs let's just start with some wins, okay who wants to share wins go ahead Jeremy
So, um, I
Thought something was actually kind of interesting because when we were talking about I
Think it was in home to it
Was it chapter 8 was it the one we're talking about chapter or no is whenever you got back from your deal
So, um early on treat with church
and
My mind's gonna be in April
Okay, and whenever she got back we were having discussion
And
it was really interesting because we were kind of talking about like
Like, you know, how maybe like somebody says you may have like a
gift of somebody in the Bible or an anointing or
somebody yeah, like if I asked him I'm like has have you ever been prophesied as anybody ever said like you have
like a Daniel anointing or a David anointing and that hat like he
Because I was I was curious about it because I've had people speak
So I was interested in what that looked like because moving ahead like part for just like the gifts of what God's put in us
partnering with each other with our own gifts and
Callings and so we talked a lot about that because he's had the David anointing prophesied in him
And it was really interesting because what she did and I know this sounds goofy
I was I was curious about it because I've had people speak
It was really interesting because what she did I know this sounds goofy
but she put it in like chat GPT about like
Those two like anoint things being like within relationship and it was so cool
I would broke it down and like talked about and it was it was
Crazy how kind of accurate was but but was really beautiful about it was it showed this could be what the unhealthy is
kind of like you would see in like Simba's or like the
Enneagram, but then it also went into what the healthy looked like and in playing within those strengths and connecting
And I just I don't know. I thought that was kind of cool and I didn't even realize it
I thought that was really cool. But I think that
like our overall, you know communication and
and being able to
Really stay on like kind of like an even keel
playing field while we're having
Communication and in not escalating has definitely been more
Apparent and present within the past couple weeks
That's awesome. Yeah, I think just being able to
Understand each other's triggers and kind of understanding like where it comes from
We have a little bit more understanding for each other
Yeah, and I'm not taking it personal and just yeah, that's individually being able to work on ourselves, but working together
I mean that huge. I mean I went on a retreat
Completely disconnected. Um, it was it's funny because it was like this is hard work
What am I like? Oh my goodness. This is exactly what I needed and I've been fasting
Days and that was over and really being able to fully surrender. I mean it was really about
we're not surrender, which is what we do here. So, um, being able to, you know, come home,
work on more hard work together and really, you know, have that moment where I,
I got to have that time with God where I'm like, I'm supernaturally surrendering this
feeling I'm responsible for God's part and that control because that is been a
really big stronghold in my life. And when it's really struggled, I think that's been a
big struggle in our marriage. Um, and so that was, I think a real big breakthrough and, and
it's helped us tremendously, I think. And well, one, one thing that God shared with me was
just kind of through our conversation was that
when we tried to control several things in our surroundings, instead of what God is placing
in our path and, and, and obviously controlling what we're able to control, like he,
we're basically saying, no, we don't want you to take ownership of that God. We want to take
ownership of that. And we weren't created for that, which is how it can create so much distress
or depression or anxiety or all these other things, because you're taking on something that
you weren't meant to take on in the first place. God was meant to partner with you so that you
don't have to experience that. If that makes sense. Yeah, no, it makes perfect sense. And you
guys, I want you to pay attention to what's going on with Carla and Jeremy right now.
They're actually getting breakthrough from week one. So supernatural surrender is what's really
coming alive to them. And this is the beauty of heartwork or the beauty of inner healing
is that it hits differently and it hits differently at different times.
So, you know, you can go over the content, you know, you can do the coaching and you can be,
you know, and, and nothing really happens at the time, but because we're giving God permission
to, you know, to, to reveal and heal, that's going to, it's going to happen at some time.
And so that's really, what's really making an impact on them right now. The other thing that
I really saw in their share so far is that, you know, instead of focusing on the flaws
of each other, they're focusing on the strengths and how fun is it to even use modern technology
to find out that, you know, you're amazing. You know, that, that you're, that you're epic,
that you can, that you can do amazing things. And so I did that. I did that prompt back in
the day when AI, when everyone was really just using AI hard back when chat TPT first came out,
I did that prompt about it's supposed to tell you like who you really are or whatever.
I forget what the prompt is, but you give them, you give it the prompt and then it,
it talks back to you. And I literally weeped when I read what it read, you know, God can use
anything. And so God definitely uses technology even with there's an algorithm. But so I love
that for you guys. That's really awesome. And and I'm really proud of you guys. That's really
incredible. Let's take, let's take one, the last breakthrough share, any, anything you guys want
to share any kind of aha moment, and then we'll get into more of what you guys have been unpacking
as we go through this week three and four curriculum. Want to do that? So you guys are up.
Hi, I think you're muted still. There we go. I'm muted. So my breakthrough,
I don't know if it's for us, it's more for me, I think is coming to mind is that
I'm starting to ask questions and voice what's really on my heart, even though it may create
conflict. And I was always afraid of that. And so it not that it's getting easier, but I think I'm
getting braver, no matter what that we could work through it. I think there's enough trust that has
been built. There's enough intimacy that has been built that I feel like I could finally voice what
I want to instead of just being quiet and being resentful or just pouting. So that's new for me.
I love that. And that's, that's the week two, like, you know, what's the one thing that I need
you to know, you know, how we speak up and talk about like, you know, what do I need my partner
to know about me? What do I need to know about the, you know, need them to know about how I'm
feeling. I hear a little dog growling. That's why we switched. He's over there. Okay. Gotcha. All
right. It's either your stomach or dog, but I was hoping that you weren't that hungry. Okay. Go ahead.
I was just going to say what she said.
It was the dog, yes.
Yeah.
What about you?
You have something to share?
I think that's a powerful share.
I mean, I'm just,
it's not a new thing,
but I guess learning how to be more patient.
And I understand what you're saying about the heart,
the mind, soul, everything connected.
But for me,
it's one thing to feel a certain way about something.
My rule has always been,
there is no wrong way to feel about something.
You can feel however you want.
It's what you do with that feeling
or how you react or overreact or whatever,
or underreact sometimes.
So long before this,
I had resolved that I would not be afraid
to feel certain ways about stuff,
that it's okay to be unhappy about something
that should make you unhappy.
It's okay to be angry about something
that ought to make you angry,
but it doesn't mean you have to react
in any certain way to that.
So I guess my word would be patience.
None of this is easy,
and much of this doesn't make sense,
and a lot of it is very murky,
but I cling to the fact
that whatever is happening now
is exceedingly temporary,
that the long-term situation,
the eternity that I face
is gonna be outstanding and excellent.
And so if any given day begins a certain way
or ends a certain way
or has a rough patch or whatever,
that's fine because literally nobody promised me
in this world an endless series of fantastic days
or great results or whatever.
It's gonna be all right,
and you can get worked up about it or you don't.
It's gonna be fine.
So I'm just, I am practicing patience.
I'm practicing the old phrase
about change what you can and let go of what you can't.
I'm learning to let go.
There's only so many things that I can fix
or change or alter,
and much of it is gonna happen one way or another.
So you can get caught up in that
and get emotional about that
or get frustrated with that, or you don't.
So I'm just learning to be patient with stuff.
Okay, all right, that sounds good.
Yeah, we definitely want to take in information
for the ability to respond and not react.
We don't want to be reactive unless we need to be reactive.
I know for myself, and while what you're saying
is definitely a very mature type of stance,
mentally, emotionally, possibly spiritually,
there is an antithesis of it.
There is a passivity sometimes
that comes with that type of thinking
that we wanna guard against.
I see it more in men than I see it in women.
And my husband used to be this way.
My husband would posify everything.
Well, you know, everything happens for a reason
or it'll all work out in the end, or it's gonna be okay.
Well, it wasn't gonna be okay
unless he got off his ass and did something about it.
And so, you know, because we're more fight and freeze,
what I didn't know is that that was more a reaction.
It wasn't him being a positive person.
It wasn't him being mature spiritually.
It was actually him being passive.
And so we just wanna guard against that.
I'm not saying that's what you're doing,
but I am saying that, you know, sometimes women,
especially, they want to see their partners react
to things that need a reaction.
Ladies, anyone else?
You know, they wanna see them.
They wanna know that they care about it.
They wanna know that they're being diligent
about doing something about it,
you know, especially if it's something
that's bothering them or something that,
you know, we can sometimes feel like things
are out of our control
that really aren't out of our control.
And so we definitely need to make sure
we have a balance there.
But being patient is good.
Adversity is usually what causes patience,
is what the Bible says.
So we definitely don't wanna pray for more of that,
but we do want to make sure
that we're not responding to triggers inappropriately.
You know, feelings, I don't know if you guys know this or not, but feelings actually are
the byproduct of beliefs. Your feelings don't happen in a vacuum. They don't happen on their
own feelings or emotions, which is what, you know, those are, those are, those are synonyms.
Those are synonymous. They actually happen as a result of something that you're already believing.
So if you guys go into the revealing for healing cycle, you'll see that the belief happens before
the emotion. And then the emotion usually elicits a reaction. So what, what our brother is saying
here is that between the emotion and the reaction, he's been able to put up a, a stop gap,
which is good. He is able to kind of look at it, you know, maybe, maybe even disassociate from it
and kind of look at it through a bigger lens so that he doesn't have the wrong reaction to it.
Because a lot of people will just react without thinking, right? Cause they're triggered.
Remember we, what do we trigger? We trigger guns, we trigger bombs, we detonate bombs.
Usually triggers not a good word, is it? So, so when triggers happen, that's when a lot of times
those, the emotions that are as a result of that trigger, that belief system is going to cause some
sort of negative action on the other side. So what he's, what I've, what I'm hearing you say
is that you've been able to, to make sure that you're looking at things objectively instead of
more, you know, emotionally or irrationally, and you're able to, you know, disassociate to the
place where you're not taking it personally. You're able to either give it to God or whatever
else needs to be done there. So, but remember friends, emotions don't happen in a vacuum.
If you're feeling emotions about something, you can reverse engineer it. If you want to,
you can go back and say, okay, I'm feeling this emotion right now about this situation, but why
am I feeling this particular emotion? Let me go back to, you know, when's the first time I ever
felt this emotion? When in the past have I felt like this? When is that, you know, and, and try
to, and try to put yourself into the place where you have felt that tip, that, that type of emotion
before, whether it's, you know, rage or anger, or it could be positive. It could be joy. It could
be excitement. It could be nervous excitement because you're getting excited, but you're also
worried that what you're getting excited about is really not going to happen the way that you think
it's going to happen. Cause in the past, you know, you've gotten your hopes up. You've gotten excited
about something and then it didn't happen the way you wanted it to. And then you got disappointed.
So if it's disappointment kind of just backtrack to, okay, when's the last time I felt this way?
What were the circumstances? What was the belief system that I had? And you can even go all the
way back to, when's the first time I ever felt this way? Because you guys are, our emotions,
just as people, have you ever noticed that some people, um, the people in your life, like they
show up the same way over and over again, they, they seem to have the same emotional responses
to different things. Like I've always considered myself a very even tempered person. Like I pretty
much, you know, I don't have, like, I'm not a moody person. Has anyone ever known anyone who's
moody? Would you, would any of you call yourself moody? And when I say moody, I mean like in any
given day, it can be like Ohio weather. It can start out as sunny and then it's raining and then
it's cold. And then there's some frost and then the sun comes out again. Like, you know, there's
just like a whole myriad of seasons in one day. Does anyone know anyone who just has a lot of
moods and you never really know which mood you're going to get when you see that person?
And Jackie, I have a question about what you just said. Are you, are you describing somebody that
could potentially be bipolar? Is that what you're, like?
I mean, you guys, you know, in the, in the current age that we live in, there's a lot of,
there's a lot of, you know, um, there's a lot of information. Okay. And there's a lot of,
and I'm not against therapy and I'm not against psychotherapy and I'm not against, uh,
I'm not against diagnoses. I'm not against any of that, but I do think
that a lot of times what we're describing is just a fragmented spirit.
That's what we're describing. And, you know, and, and, and I feel like, you know,
and I don't know if you know this or not, but I went to college to be a psychotherapist,
a psychologist. And part of the reason why I didn't finish, I think I have about 40 credit
hours left was because I saw that back then. Now to remember this is 20 years ago, back then
their answer for everything was medicine. It's like, okay, let's just diagnose them.
Back then it was the DSM for let's just diagnose them with our diagnostic, our diagnostic tools
and then medicate them. But what I was seeing in my internships is that the medication wasn't
actually helping them to, you know, be themselves.
elves again. It was just making them a whole different person.
Yeah, I might've been tuning out some of the life controlling
mental, um, uh, thinking issues or whatever they were OCD or
whatever was going on, you know, but it, it wasn't, it wasn't
making them who they were before they started manifesting those
things. It was just making them a different person. Um, like it
wasn't like, you know, remember the old ears on the, on the
television, you could kind of tune in so you can see the
broadcast. It wasn't tuning them in so we could see their
broadcast again, it was just changing the channel. And so I
wasn't down with that. I really didn't want to do that with my
life. And so I got involved in some other things and said, and
here I am. Right. Um, so I'm not against medication, especially
for people who are dangerous to themselves and others,
emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, if we've
got to get them into a place of stabilization, but we got to do
the deeper work because I believe all mental illness is
caused by a spiritual fragmentation. There is some
sort of fragmented spirit there, whether it's abuse and
now they've splintered, you know, something that hasn't been
dealt with something that may be not even known. And I know
people are like, well, there's some chemical, uh, imbalances.
Yeah. I believe the chemical imbalances are caused by that.
Cause remember we're spirits that live in bodies that
possess souls. The body is the lowest denominator. Meaning if
something is showing up in your blood work, if something is
showing up in your body, biologically, it means it's
already been existing in this other realm for a while. Okay.
Now you're beginning to manifest it over here
biologically, because the body is the slave. The Bible says the
body is a slave. So it's just going to react to what is
happening in the more spiritual realms of you, spirit and soul.
Does that make sense to everyone? Okay. So yes, it could
describe someone who's bipolar. They're all over the place, but
there are some people who actually couldn't be diagnosed
with a diagnostic tool because they they're not acute enough.
They're just very, very emotional. And unlike, you
know, um, unlike what he was saying, they, they haven't
learned to control their emotions at all. They've maybe
never been taught to control their emotions. So they're just
on the ride. Instead of, you know, being able to put in
self-control and patience and different things like that. And
so emotional intelligence is what you mean. Yeah. Knowing
themselves being self-aware, a lot of times self-awareness is a
big tool. You know, what, what we just heard is a lot of
self-awareness. This is a, this is a man who knows himself. He
knows how to be self-controlled and tempered. That's important.
Um, and so, um, but yeah, so we all know really moody people. We
all know people who are acutely moody, like what Jeremy is
saying. They may have actually have some sort of problem. They
may have what we call mental illness, but just, let's just
talk about people that are not to that level yet, but just,
they have a little bit of, you know, they have, they have a
couple moods. Like my husband, for instance, I call it, I call
it curmudgeon being a curmudgeon. So David's a pretty
easy going guy, unless he's a curmudgeon. Those are his pretty
two, pretty mood, um, pretty distinct moods. So he's just
like, yeah, he's David, he's David Dorman, you know, and
stuff. And then sometimes for whatever reason, maybe it's men
menopause men have menopause too. He just wakes up and he's
just grouchy. He's cranky. And he's like having road rage and
he's just mad at everybody. And he's listening to talk radio
and he's like, der Democrats. And I'm like, stop, stop it.
Stop being this person. I don't like it. So, um, Jeremy and
Carl are laughing, so they must know what I'm talking about, but
the bottom line is, is that, um, we all have different moods
that we gravitate towards. You heard, you heard, um, she was
talking about how she used to be kind of sullen and moody, kind
of pouty. That's a mood. She's not doing that as much anymore.
Millie's not doing that as much anymore, right? She's being
self-aware instead of just letting, letting her emotions
dictate and then her behavior following it. She's pouting.
She's sullen. She's mad at whatever, mad at the world, or
she's feeling sorry for herself, having a pity party. Now she's
stopping and saying, Hey, wait a second. What, what's, what's
really going on? Why am I sullen? Why am I pouty? I don't
have to show up like this. I can use my words, tell other people
what I need so that I don't have to sit around and feel sorry for
myself because I'm not getting it. That's powerful. Right?
She she's like, maybe, maybe it's powerful. Okay. All right.
Um, does anyone I mean,
Really said what she, like what her go-to mood is.
Does anyone else want to let us know what your,
what your go-to, your two go-to moods are?
Are you self-aware enough to know that?
Yeah, I think when, when Jim and I,
we get into a cycle of feeling, you know, of negativity,
it's like, I'll just shut down.
I don't want to talk.
I don't want to be there, you know,
and I think that frustrates him even more
because he, he wants to solve the problem.
Okay, so shut down is a mechanism.
What would you call the mood?
What's your mood, Phyllis?
I'm a defensive, maybe,
kind of feeling unheard or, or
invisible, I guess.
Jim, when she, when she does that, like what, what,
when she does that, what would you describe her as?
Would you describe her as, you know,
you know, what's the word?
Just like-
Passive-aggressive, maybe.
Like, I don't care.
Yeah.
Like, you know.
That's, that's what I would tell her is that
she doesn't have enough emotion to even care about
what I'm trying to talk to her about.
Like when you were talking, is somebody moody?
Did they come home and you're not sure
what mood they were coming, coming into?
Uh-huh.
And, and I asked her,
I asked her, I asked her,
Yeah.
So what we had encountered was,
there was no, what would it be?
There was no, it's, it's a trust issue, right?
So there was no affair.
There was no, that I know of,
like going out to lunch with a,
with a male from work or something like that.
But in my mind, she was, she was,
she was, she was, she was,
But in my mind, stuff that I had crossed,
and you know of our past,
because you dealt with her with the artworks.
And there was a gentleman that,
that she was continued to have correspondence with,
even up until our wedding.
Right.
And so to me, that's,
I was angry a lot because that was happening.
And I didn't find this out until after 15 months of being married.
I didn't even know about this gentleman before.
And things, things would carry on to something else.
And it just seemed like we kept rolling on that.
So when we would get in discussions,
I was trying to get information from her.
Like, why would this be going on?
Right.
You, you asked for somebody to put you first.
You asked for somebody to, you know, honor you.
And when I do that is like,
I wasn't getting the response that I thought maybe that I thought I should
have be getting from her.
And so she would shut down and she would say that.
I just blow whatever she says off,
or I'm not really listening to what she's saying.
When in fact,
I'm trying to understand why would this happen in the first place?
Okay. So in a situation like this, so what I hear Jim saying,
and what I hear him saying is, is that first of all, you were angry,
but you weren't really angry because anger is not an emotion.
So it is an emotion, but it's a secondary emotion. So you were,
you were afraid you were hurt. You know, you were somewhere in that,
in that in that spectrum of hurt and fear. But so when you're saying,
Hey, you know, what's going on with this and stuff, you know, the,
the,
the response that a lot of people would think is appropriate for a married
couple, a newlywed couple that really love each other. You know,
when someone's like, Hey, you know, I'm really confused about what you're,
why you've been talking to this person or what's happening. I feel hurt.
I feel afraid. I feel like, you know,
I feel abandoned or rejected or whatever it would be like, Oh,
I'm so sorry. I, you know, that's not really what's happening.
I'm sorry that it looks that way,
but it really wasn't like explaining themselves and trying to put us at
peace and trying to show us that it's okay.
But what I hear you saying is that Phyllis's reaction was just kind of like
flat.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
I didn't say those things. I didn't say that's not what I,
but maybe not as passionately as you thought you should.
She was asking what, what did I seem to think was your responses?
What was your to everything?
So I was trying to lead him up to what we were going through and why to me
I would keep asking for, you know, an explanation.
If nothing else, why would you do this if you were asking for somebody put you first which I did
Yeah, why would why would you still be going on with these other guys type thing?
Well, we know Phyllis's history with her father when we know Phyllis's history guys
This is really important when you're dealing with your spouse
So there's something in psychology that we call a great the gray rock. Does everyone know about the gray rock?
Okay, the gray rock is something that you do
To protect yourself when you are in relationship with someone who is volatile and narcissistic
So when someone is narcissistic and volatile, which is what Phyllis's father was like when that happens a lot of times
You know when you're out walking and stuff. Do you notice gray rocks? You don't really notice them
Do you like they're just there like they're not drawing any attention to themselves
They're not anything to get all up in arms about you know
You might see a colorful rock or you might see something like wow, that's gonna draw your attention
But when people grow up in families like this some people become very combative they fight back
They become you know real like attention like look at me even negative attention and then other people become gray rocks
Like don't look at me. Don't pay attention to me. I don't want any conflicts. I don't want any trouble here
Don't don't look them in the eye, you know kind of thing and that's what Phyllis has done
And so what happens is is that people like this when they grow up they they almost it almost seems like they don't have
Personality it almost seems like they're not passionate about anything. They don't really care very deeply about anything. They seem a little flat
But they're not being flat. They're just
They're just they've learned this is safe
This is the safe space to be in and I see Phil is coming out of that more and more all the time
I'm so excited for her
Yeah, and and for me like I said, I was married for 30-something years 37 years a great marriage, right trust was never an issue
right, yeah, so this is a new emotion for me and I even explained that to Phyllis like I
Didn't think I ever had a jealous bone in my body before until some of this stuff started going, right?
Yeah, I learned because we did some therapy, right? So I learned
that
Not everybody knows the rules and
And I say boundary lines of a marriage right or of being steady with a partner
Not everybody knows these rules not everybody maybe rules is the wrong word, you know boundaries I should say I guess
Yeah, our therapist that we were seeing before mentioned that night. I actually had to take a step back and think wow
I I just assumed you know that men know their roles, you know
You don't go out lunch with opposite sex when you're married, right it whether it's unless it's a business type thing
Right, and you don't associate
outside of work with the opposite sex and and I just assumed she knew those rules or
Guidelines or and I had to take a step back and really think wow. Okay. Well, I need to give her a lot more room
Yeah, bro, and under you know, understand what I'm looking for
Right before we get married to talk about you know, what our non-negotiables are
And my marriage we you know, I do I do I do go places with men as far as like
I have a lot of male clients. I talked to them. I talked to them on the phone
I Marco Polo them at 10 o'clock at night. I go read them for coffee
I mean everybody's different and all marriages are different
So, you know, we have to have trust for whatever we've decided
Between the two of us is going to be what our marriage looks like. Sure. Sure. And I'm sure there's you know
David has his stuff that he does and you have yours and it's a it's a continuous thing or it's consistent
When something happens that's out of the norm
to me, that's that's where I guess I
Didn't always keep my emotions in
Intact or under control or but this that's several months back and we've we've written
I'll read your books. So I think I've read more books now with Phyllis and I have in the last 30 years
I think that was one things I pointed out is me learning how to communicate with a new lady, right?
I mean you're with somebody for such a long time. You're almost finishing southern sentences
Phyllis and I do that now Phyllis and I do that already
Yeah
Me Jeremy, you know Jeremy's a widower his wife passed away and he had to learn how to
You know, you know just relate to another woman, you know, his marriage was you know different different than your first marriage
Sounds like your first marriage was pretty good
So he had to you know, he had to learn that not all women
You both had to learn this for different reasons that not all women are like your first wives, right, you know
obviously Phyllis is very different than your first wife as far as
how she relates and communicates and what she needs emotionally. And then Jeremy had to learn
that, you know, not everyone is like his first wife as well in a different way. And so these
are important things. I really would love to, I don't want to run out of time to go over week four,
which is where we're dreaming together. And we're talking about why do we think God put us together?
Why do we think that God put us together in the first place? And I'd love to hear you guys all
share about that. Let's look at the worksheet real quick. Can we guys? Nobody else wanted us.
What? No, that's not true. Stop. Okay. All right. Okay. So this is, this is about,
so week four was all about creating a Y and a map. Okay.
And so let's answer this question. What part of me comes alive when we serve,
create or dream together? And this is about the, the step two is about discovering shared
strengths. So you guys are supposed to do separately. You're supposed to answer the
question. What part of me comes alive when we serve, create, or dream together? You guys hear
me say this all the time in last year, single that marriages are for ministry. And I don't mean
church ministry. I mean, the ministry of reconciliation in the earth, God puts us together.
We're not just partners. We're a kingdom Alliance. We've been brought together to do something very
important and special. It doesn't matter how old we are. It doesn't matter if we have no children
to raise because we didn't have any children or the children are grown. We're not just here to
take care of our grandchildren that we babysit every once in a while. There's bigger things
that God has put us together to do. Right. I think that Jeremy and Carla are the only ones that still
have kids in the home. Unless Millie, do you still have any kids at home? I can't remember. No. Okay.
All right. So she's a senior in college. She shows up once in a while, but we're almost
there. Got you. Yeah. So Chuck and Millie, they, so they have, you know, I mean,
a lot of you have that, but obviously you're together for a bigger reason than that, because
a lot of you that that ship has sailed a little bit. All right. So so let's complete, let's
complete this fill in the blank. Our relationship is strongest when we are blank and the examples
we're serving together, dreaming together, planning, hosting, encouraging others,
building together, praying together. I know one couple, they both like to ride motorcycles. And
so they felt like their, their marriage was strongest when they were riding together.
You know, when they were riding together he was part of some sort of
motorcycle ministry and they would serve in that ministry together. So serving together
with a hobby that they both loved, that's when they felt strongest together.
So let's fill in this blank. We'll start with whoever wants to go first. I would just go
this way, but I don't want to put Chuck and Millie on, you know, laugh. They're not ready.
This, this one I can do though. I don't, I don't have a clean or neat fill in the blank statement,
but I'll try to be brief. Before Millie and I met, I had a very clear mission as just being me,
which was paying off the mortgage on the property that I had, being useful presently,
but also useful long-term, as in I have three children of my own. Obviously that's grown now
that we are a married couple, but on my own I have three children, two stepdaughters, one son,
and what can I, what can I do for them now, as well as other people, and what can I leave them?
Whether that's leaving them, because I, I, especially now that Millie and I are married
and I've seen her elder clients, I've seen a variety of ways that people are ending their
race in this world, and one of my goals was how much, how little of a mess can I leave them, and
what good can I leave them, and what good can I do for them now. That obviously has changed a bit,
because now I'm in a completely different city, and Millie and I are married. So right now, really,
I, I guess if I was picking one of those examples, it could be any of these, because really our life
is centered around her elder care mission and business, and what can we do to keep that going,
what can we do to make that even bigger and better, whether that's just
keeping the home going and all the boring stuff
like paying mortgages and bills
so that Millie can go out and do that
or even me helping with that wherever I can.
And it actually, some of that for me gets back
to the week three thing because not in any coincidence,
even though you mentioned it's more than a partnership,
on the week three worksheet,
partner is all in capital letters.
And I appreciate that,
because that's a very important word
because certainly what,
the together part that I need and want
is the partnership, which I did not have before
and trust, which I did not have before.
So when we have those things
and those are flowing smoothly,
everything else just follows along and works well
when we hit bumps in the road with those two things,
then the rest of the stuff struggles a bit.
But I would say that,
I don't know which one of those phrases,
but our life basically is focused on Millie's mission
and her occupation and what can we do to keep that going.
And when we are partnering and cooperating
and working together towards that, things are cool.
When either of us struggles with that, not so cool.
So it just depends,
because we're not perfect and we're human beings
and we struggle with stuff like everybody does.
Sure.
So what I hear you saying is leaving an inheritance,
leaving kind of a pathway, a roadmap,
maybe even some tangible things to finishing well.
And part of what finishing well looks like is,
life well-lived, I should say,
is leaving inheritance for your children's children
is what the Bible says.
And that's not just obviously money, that's also purpose.
That's also a path forward because they have understanding
and they have knowledge and wisdom.
And so Millie, what would you, that's great.
That's wonderful.
It's beautiful, Chuck.
What would you say, Millie?
Yeah.
And I'm sorry to give you no promise.
I'll get out of the way in just a second.
Cause yeah, it's not just money
and it's not just earthly things.
When we're gone, and I remember this,
seeing parents pass away or other people pass away,
the minute they're gone, well, they're gone.
And all you have left are your memories and the stories.
And you have no control.
You have control over it now
because you're gonna help decide what stories
are they gonna tell about you?
Are they gonna talk well about you and remember you well?
Or are they gonna wish,
are they gonna be thankful you're gone?
And that's up to me to decide what stories people
are gonna tell about me when I'm gone
based on how I'm living now.
But I'm sorry, go ahead.
That's good.
When I met Chuck just a few weeks
into talking to him on the phone,
he informed me, you know, my ex-wife divorced me.
I didn't divorce her family.
Right.
Therefore, every weekend,
we've committed to one weekend a month,
we drive back to Lake City to see not only his son
and his stepdaughter and now a baby,
but also his ex-mother-in-law,
which she has made it to both our weddings,
our intimate wedding and our reception.
The only one that's made it to both of them
besides his son.
She's-
I love it.
I could see why he still wants to be part of her life.
Even though her daughter's moved on to Texas
and she's not here,
we are still very much part of her life.
So him moving here so I could do my business was huge.
It's really huge.
Well,
I remember when you guys were making that decision.
Yeah, I could have gone there,
but I would have had to give up everything I started
that God led me to start here.
And so he moved here.
So now I'm looking at this,
it is bigger than me.
I'm coming to realize that it's not just caretaking.
It's actually gonna grow
and there's actually gonna be people taking care of people
and I'll oversee it.
But I'm excited because he's about this close to agreeing
to be an officer of the company.
He did on Saturday in the middle of a storm,
he dropped everything and went to help one of my clients
because my daughter and I were having quality time
and it wasn't something I could do anyway.
It was physical outdoor labor in the rain and he did it.
And to be clear,
let's not make the mistake to think.
I was happy about it because I was sitting here safe from the weather, not wet, not cold.
I wasn't making that mistake watching a live wrestling event on TV, which I don't get to do
very often. And suddenly I'm carrying pool noodles. If you know what those are
open to insulate somebody's pipes because nobody in their neighborhood was going to come help them.
So part of me was very happy to help that person. I will freely admit most of them was not pleased
with the decision I made, but what was I going to do? Tell that old person you're out of luck.
That's not what you do. And it's like what we're talking about with my, I don't call her my ex
mother-in-law. She's my mother-in-law and where I was living. I didn't divorce her. I didn't leave
that family. We get along great. Every time we go there, there's a list of chores to do.
I helped her decorate for Christmas. And then the next time we showed up, my son and I are putting
the Christmas stuff away because she can't have my son do it alone. We have to do it together.
I don't know why. And I don't care. It's just, she's almost 85. If she wants to do it that way,
what do I care? You know, because if I, if I try to change it, if I try to alter the way
she's looking at stuff, all I'm going to do is build regret and think, man, why didn't I just
let her have her way? You know, why didn't I just, how hard was it to do it? You know,
the way she wanted to do it. So yeah, it, she's still a family, but yes.
I love it. It sounds like you guys to the thing, the fill in the blank would be
when you're doing family together, when you're doing this shared mission together.
I also, when I got divorced, I knew my former husband since we were 12 and I knew his parents
and his sister since I was 12. And when we got divorced, I stayed in relation, his father had
already passed away during our marriage, but his mom and her new husband, I stayed in relationship
with them until she passed away. And she came to, you know, she came to our birthday party.
She came to my new husband's birthday party. They love David. Not that she didn't love her son
because she does, but you know, so I believe in all the things you're talking about. That's
beautiful. That is a very unusual story. It's not the norm for sure. And I'm so glad that you
guys have been able to, to do that with a blended family and the shared mission sounds exciting.
And it sounds like something that is going to grow as you both, you know, it sounds like it's
going to need both of you to, to completely opt in, in order for that to happen, whether it's
just mental ideas and vision, or it's actual, you know, some, some boot leather involved and
that's great. Okay. So, um, we'll just go down this way. Jeremy and Carla, what do you got?
Want me to read it again? So, well, I've got to hear it from you. So, okay. We, we kind of have
two different ones. If that's okay. That's fine. So, so I think our relationship is strongest when
we explore together, like we get to go and do things as a couple, especially if we get to go
on like trips, because I don't think we ever really had that before. And being able to experience that
now, I feel like there's an immense amount of closeness and almost like a blossoming of, of
just, just an overall reaction of how I see, you know, her respond whenever we're kind of
like out and just being able to be together. It's, I don't know. Well, I think because we
have kids and we have our kids pretty much 24 seven. So when we get that time away together,
it's almost like we're newlyweds without, like, we get that a little bit because when you have
kids and you're married and you don't, we don't split time. I mean, my son's dad is in Michigan.
And, you know, you guys don't get a break. We don't, I mean, unless we have in-laws helping
take the kids, but that could be part of it too. Well, and you know, with my late wife, I mean,
she had a five-year-old, you know, there, so I mean, I became a dad immediately, you know?
And so there was never like throughout this history and time, it's just, it was never really
the ability to do that. And it's just, it's really, I love the fact with our relationship,
that being able to enjoy each other, calling out and doing things, I think that, you know,
that's, that's my thought, but she has one too. Yeah. I think our relationship is strongest when
we are just spiritually connecting together. I think some of my favorite moments are when we can
just sit for hours and hours and just, you know, just talk about scripture and, and, you know,
what God's doing in our life or each other's life or, you know,
what we're seeing him move and do, and it just kind of, for me, it's an indication of
how God really has brought us together, and it allows us to dream and build things together.
And so that gets me, like, really excited to be able to share that with you and
just know that, you know, God's doing a really awesome thing in our life, even though it's
at times really difficult and hard. It's just, I know that I know that I know that God has
really beautiful testimony in our life, in our kids' lives, and what we're going to be able to
pour into other people and bless other people with is just going to be really extraordinary,
and I get excited about that. Like, I look forward to it, so.
Yeah. I'm just looking at this worksheet, and, you know, those are really important,
powerful things, and like Chuck was saying, you know, no one promised us that it was going to be
easy. You know, we say that all the time around here. You know, it doesn't have to be easy.
It just has to be worth it, and, you know, the hard times are hard. They are. There's no getting
around that. The hard times are hard, and, you know, and hopefully that's not all we have is
hard times, you know, because this life, you know, there's a lot of things that are not going
to be exactly what we wanted it to be, but it should be. There should be a lot of times where
it's even better than we expected, and so we have to make sure that there's a balance of that.
So, you guys, I told you guys, I told you guys that the first two years were going to be really
hard when you got, before you got married, and you guys don't know these folks, but they got,
Carla and Jeremy got married real fast, and so I can see where Jeremy's saying,
hey, we're at our best in this season, in this newlywed season. We're at our best when we get
to just be a couple. We don't have to just be mom and dad. We don't just have to be co-parenting.
We don't just have to be trying to run a household or figure out finances. We're the
best when we get to be free and young and in love and explore, and yeah, duh, and you need that,
and I think God wants that. In fact, I'm kind of going to prophesy that he wants more of that
going forward because you do need that. You need it. It's important, and because you don't have
the other co-parents, because Jeremy's wife has passed and Carla's son's father lives far away,
lives in another state far, far away, and he already was kind of a deadbeat. I don't know
if he's doing better now, but he already has a bunch of other kids with someone else and just
really hasn't had the co-parenting mindset, so what I really want to challenge you guys to do
is to make sure that you're forming community that you trust with your children that you can
treat like co-parents, and maybe that's even a little bit of a ministry for you guys to actually
create family ministry where other people who would like to go and explore and play,
you know, where they would have help and a little bit of respite and sabbatical as well,
so finding that within your friend group and your church group and your family group is important,
and then Carla's like, and of course this, knowing Carla, and I know her really well,
I've gotten to know her really well over the years, her answer is totally what I would expect,
that she feels the most connected. She feels like their marriage is at its best when they're
hitting on all cylinders, especially spiritually. When they're plugged in, when they're seeing what's
deeper, you know, Carla is definitely a spirit mate personality where she needs to be known
in a deeper, deeper way. It can't just all be surface stuff or just even lifestyle stuff. It has to
also be, you know, deep, the deeper part of her, and so that's good, and it's good to know each other,
and it's good to know what you need, and it's good to know what each of you are defining as
what makes a really great marriage that's going to leave a legacy.
Yeah, what makes it, okay, and so that's, those are good answers. So we'll do one more, we have
time for one more activation after Jim and Phyllis go. Jim and Phyllis, what did, how did you fill in
the blank of that sentence? The sentence is, our relationship is strongest when we are blank.
Doing what together? I think I feel like really connected to him. Like,
I got fired from my job in September, and so we had talked about that, and like, and I was like,
should I go back to work right away? Should I wait? He said, take the rest of the year off. Okay,
so actually, I've been working with him. He's a painter. I'm a nurse, right?
And so, but I've been going to work with him and, and I feel really connected to him when we're,
we're painting, we're at the job site or doing whatever. And like, we're not even talking,
right? We're not even near each other, but it's like, like just accomplishing a task together.
Right. So, so I love that. And so like his own business, do you own your business? Oh,
yes. Okay. So you're kind of like working in the business with him.
Yeah. I'm working in the business and it may just have to marriage is half over.
I said upon marriage, she's half owner. Oh, that's true. That's true. You guys,
did you catch what Phyllis said? She said she feels really connected when they're
working together, but they're not even really communicating. It's kind of like the other
communication, you know, that, that unspoken communication. I think that that's, I think
that's something to take note of. Jim, what about you? How do you fill in that sentence?
Well, same thing. Like I guess I was looking at the question from four.
Yeah. You know, our relationship is strongest, you know, Phyllis dreams up what she wants us to do
and work in construction my whole life. We know how to, you know, how to put it together. So,
you know, at our house, we bought in Kingman, we're making islands for the kitchen. We're
digesting the counters and we're making them ourself. We're not buying them pre-made and,
and so that's always fun to do. We also own a big motorcycle and we travel a lot across country
trips. We did our small group, our churches in Louisville, Kentucky, and we drove out there,
got baptized a couple of years ago on the motorcycle. Every year we do, last year,
we did 10 states. And we went to South Dakota. The week before that we did eight or 10 states
that year. And so I, to me, you've, if you traveled ever on a motorcycle long distance,
that's about as close as you can get, right? You can't sit on the other side of the car and
eat and drink what you want. And I mean, you're, you're inches apart the whole trip, right?
That's the closest you can get to death in my opinion, but yeah.
So, you know, I can't say my battery went dead on my, on my, you know, helmet and I couldn't hear
what she was saying half the time if I wanted, but that was okay. I texted him and he could see
it on his dash. I was like, Hey, Hey, we need to stop here. We hit a real bad, we hit a real bad
thunderstorm at night, pouring down and looked like the thunder was enlightening was right next
to us. And I can feel her knees squeezing tight. Right. But my, my intercom did die that day that
night. And so she's texting me. I can read it across my dash, you know, don't worry. We're
going to be home. We're going to be home. So I think her thighs weren't saying, Hey baby,
they were saying, Oh God, we're really close physically, emotionally and spiritually. And,
you know, we build a lot, we're building our house together out there. I mean, the house is built,
but we're, we're building it, making it our own. And we do, we, we have a lot of great times,
99% of the time. I can honestly say I've had more fun with Phyllis in a short time
because my previous wife was sick for a long time. So I would do trips with my friends. I would go
hunting, fishing with my, with a good friend of mine. We'd take off that way. My wife could never
go anywhere. Now Phyllis is someone that likes to do things, even though it's not extravagant,
if it's working around the house together, we enjoy that. And I think that was one thing.
When we first got together, we talked about somebody to do something with.
Yeah. Right. And so that's, that's something we've built on, I think from that.
Yeah. Building together, working together, accomplishing things together. Sounds like
our, our, our relationship is strongest when we're, when we're companions,
when we're being companions for each other. And you know, that's you guys later.
I think our relationship is strong very much most of the time. And a lot of it was me
not letting it go. Right. Not giving it to the Lord. Right. Holding on to the hamster wheel,
just because I think things didn't come out the way I thought they should have.
Right. So I've learned and I've grown from that. And, and I think I've said before, you know, I,
I stopped asking to get what I had before and take what's better.
Take what I'm learning is better because we're working through this, right?
Yeah. I kept saying I wanted to be,
I wanted to be like it was before I found out what was going on. Right.
Instead,
I can appreciate what we have now and knowing that it's going to be better than
what it was before.
Well, it's deeper, right?
And there's a deeper understanding between the two of you. And you know,
I see all the sunflowers, I see the sunflower, I see the pictures. And, um,
you know, we just did, uh, in, in last year single,
I just had someone come into a times and seasons activation.
And I really just feel like you guys are headed into a summer season and your
marriage. So it's going to be, you know, bright and sunny and full of fruit.
And so I just want to release that over you and bless you with that. Um,
because I believe that that's what God is saying right now.
You guys have come through some winter and some spring where you are replanting
the soil.
And I believe that that stuff is starting to grow now and blossom and you're
heading into a really beautiful, nice summer season. So that's going to be great.
Okay. So let's do this activation at the end here. Hopefully you guys,
I know some of you are behind, um, even though, even though, um,
this is our fourth week.
Some of you guys are still behind on the reading and on the activation.
So keep doing it. You have access to these materials.
You're going to have access to these materials. Really?
I'm not going to say lifetime access. Cause what does that even mean? So,
I mean, what does that mean? Like, you know, who knows AI takes over the world.
You're not going to have access anymore. I don't know.
Like, is there going to be like a technology apocalypse? I don't know. So,
but you're not getting kicked out of this group. In fact,
I want to tell you that we're expanding this group.
And so you guys are the first people to kind of go through this course,
but we're expanding our spirit mates community.
And we're going to be adding, um, several other coaching couples.
We have Brian and, um, Brian and Renee divorce.
So you guys know, a lot of you guys know Renee Rizzo.
She's been a coach in our program for a long time. She is now a married woman.
Um, and, uh, she actually just graduating from seminary and she and Brian are
going to be coaches in our, in our spirit mates community.
Same with Bethany and Brian, all the Brian's Bethany and Brian Cooper.
And Bethany is also a graduate of our program a long time ago.
And she's been married. Gosh, has she been married for four years now?
I think so. Um, so yeah, yeah. So there,
so they're going to be with us as well. Also, uh, Joe and Shelby Sealy,
they've been married for like 30 years. They live out in California and they are,
they have a, um, a marriage ministry out there in Northern California.
They're going to be part of this as well, as long as,
as well as other guests,
couple coaching on everything from blended family to
communication to just fun times. You guys, you'll be the first people I'll tell.
We are going to actually have our first couples retreat in the fall.
We're going to have it in beautiful, um, Gatlinburg, Tennessee.
And so we are going to be staying at a beautiful house there in
Gatlinburg, Tennessee, and we're going to have all kinds of fun.
It's going to be in the fall when it's gorgeous there. Um, we will have, uh,
some, some couples building activities.
We'll have some in-person couples building activities.
We'll be doing a lot of eating and a lot of just shenanigans of all
different types. There's all kinds of fun things to do there.
If you've never been there in a smoke, is it Smoky Mountains?
Is that Gatlinburg Smoky Mountains? Okay. Um,
so that is going to be in September.
Um, and I know the dates, but I don't know why I'm not saying them right now.
I just, they've just escaped my mind. So, um, that will be available.
I think that I think nine couples can come to that retreat. Um,
we'll also be having a beach retreat for couples down in
beautiful Santa Rosa area, Santa Rosa 30A.
You guys familiar with 30A? So we'll be having a beach retreat down there. Um,
that one will be more just beach related.
So the beach will be there. We'll definitely be eating and we'll have a private
chef. Um, we'll have lots of, you know,
activations and couple time and time to meet new couples and hang out with
people and have fun. Um, but that's more of just a vacation.
The Gatlinburg more is like kind of team building where I do some obstacle
course stuff. We're going to for, we're going to confront our fears,
might zip line,
do some things that cause people to like get out of their comfort zones,
get a little crazy. Um, so both those,
those are our retreats for this year for couples and we'll have, you know,
other, other couple coaches there, David and Dorman and I will be there,
but there will be other,
another couple's coach on hand for both of those retreats. And, um, yeah,
I'm excited about it. I'm excited about it. Okay.
Jackie. Yes. I had a quick question. Sure. I would like to be able to, is it possible
to be able to set it up to where I can tune in to the Supernatural Saturday on my app?
You should be able to do that. Are you not on the men's app? No, he doesn't have the
men's app. I just have the one. Okay. Well, we're going to add Supernatural Saturday to
the spirit mates group calendar. Should I reach out to have him get the men's group
on his so that he can start doing that? I mean, he can if he wants to. Um, also you
guys all are in the spirit mate app, spirit mate group on the app, right? Unless you're
saying all of you. Okay. So you know that in that there is, um, an events tab and that's
probably how you got here. Cause the link is there. So we'll have, I'll have them.
I'll make a note to myself. I'll have Cheryl add Supernatural Saturday to that. Okay. Thank
you. Supernatural Saturday is fire. Oh, it is. That's what this one, that's where I found
the information. All right. But yeah, if you gentlemen, if you gentlemen would like to
join Monday men's, you definitely can. Um, so it happens at the same exact time on Mondays.
So if you want to, um, if you want to join that, join in the conversation over there,
just a bunch of men talking about how they can show up and just, you know, be the, be the,
be the men that God has designed them to be. My husband leads that group. There's other leaders
that pop in and lead that group as well, but mostly him. All right. All right. So let's do
this. Let's do this confession as we are ending our time together. Let's do this confession,
please. Um, I need to go back to it now that I went out of it. Okay.
All right. So in the spirit of week four, it says our love is meant to matter. Our story
is meant to impact others. And we agree with heaven's purpose for us.
Can we go ahead and say that together? Our love is meant to matter.
You can unmute yourselves.
There we go. Yeah. It's waiting on Jim and Phyllis there.
Sorry. There. Are you reading that out of the book, Jackie?
No, it's, it's on, it's on the worksheet week four is on the very bottom.
Oh, okay. Purpose in unity say together. Ready? Our love is meant to matter.
Our story is meant to impact others.
Our story is meant to impact others. And we agree with heaven's purpose for us.
Friends, I will tell you, I'm on the front lines of warfare out here when it comes to marriage
ministry, because all God ever wanted was a family. And this whole thing started with a
marriage and the entire thing is going to end with a marriage. Okay. Marriage is very important to
God's heart. I know it's something that has fallen by the wayside. Culture has told us that
we don't need to do it anymore. Um, even churches have told us we don't need to do it anymore.
They've told us that, you know, just be content in being single and just serve God and you don't
need to be married, but marriage is God's maturity plan for mankind marriage and family as it draws
us closer to him because we get to see him clearer through each other. And it also refines us and
matures us to become more and more like Jesus. I believe that marriage is a sacrament of
purification. You know, the Catholics think of it as a sacrament, right? Not everyone receives it.
Like not everyone receives the sacrament of holy communion. Um, but if you're called to marriage
is what Jesus said in Matthew 19, then you should do it. And I believe that people that have a desire
for companionship that have desire for partnership, they're the ones called to marriage.
And I do believe that it's the majority of humankind that will be called to marriage.
There are some people that are called to celibacy and they're called to, um, just fully,
fully focus on ministry. And those people are more like Paul, like missionary minded people
that are on, you know, a different, a different call in their lives. And so for those of us that
are called to, uh, marriage, it is going to refine us. It is going to perfect us. It is going to be
part of the sanctification process of Jesus. Right? And so here we are. It's not always fun,
but it definitely is worth it. And if we allow ourselves, if we surrender,
to it, which is what I was, what Jim was saying, you know, just let go, stop trying to fight it,
surrender to it. Um, when we do that, then that is how we just become, you know, closer and closer
in intimacy with each other and with God, that's how it works. And so continue to pray for all the
couples. There'll be a lot more couples coming in here. If you guys are, are lacking couples to be
friends with. One of my visions is that this would grow exponentially into being a huge
community of couples that get together with each other in person, that go to dinner with each other
because they know each other. They live in proximity, um, that get together for vacations
and couples outings. And, you know, they have motorcycles, they go on motorcycle trips together,
you know, whatever. We all need other couples in our lives to continue to sharpen us and help us
to become better wives and husbands and friends. And in fact, I was just in Charleston and we were
talking about friendship and how friendship is an art that's been lost. And your best friend is
right there. I want you to look at each other and I want you to tell each other, you know,
you're my best friend. Yeah. It starts here. Definitely need to be, you know, best friends
and lovers, lovers and best friends, but also, um, we want to have other friends, maybe not
best friends where each other's best friends, but we want to have other friends. It's important that
we have other friends because I want you to also look at the other person and say, you know, even
though you're my best friend, I need, I need more friends than you. Even though you're my best
friends, I need more friends than you do. We can't get siloed and codependent with each other. You
know, yes, we're each other's best friends and we're important, but if you expect this person
to be the person that meets all of your human needs, there are some needs that only should
be met by this person, intimacy and emotions, intimacy and physicality, you know, sexual needs,
all that, that should definitely be met by your spouse. But then there's other needs that are
going to be met by same sex friends, right? Ladies, you need women in your life. The Bible talks about
how women raise each other up to be lovers of their, of their husbands and their children and
family and men. It talks about how you will sharpen each other, how friends are made for
adversity and iron sharpens iron. And so we need this stuff, don't we? It's important. And what
better way to get it than in a package deal, a twofer, a couple, a couple where you like them
and they like you. Yeah. Maybe we can see everybody in Tennessee. Yeah, that'd be awesome.
I took the, I took the motorcycle to the tail of the dragon once a few years back and I did that
by myself. So I'd be willing to go out there and we'd ride the bike. We'd ride the motorcycle,
meet everybody at the resort and everybody else that's there. Definitely. Yeah. When I really
like a woman, I'll get my husband and I'll be like, we're going to go to dinner with her and
her husband. Now you listen, you be friendly and you talk to him and you make friends with him.
Cause I really like her and I want us to all be friends. Has anybody ever watched the King of
Queens? Yes. That's funny show. When they're trying to find friends to go out with, doesn't
Doug raise his shirt up and show his hairy belly to scare off the couple? I haven't seen that
episode. I'll have to Google it. They're trying to find other friends to go out with on Saturday
nights. It's fun. And he apparently doesn't want to. So he's trying to scare away. He doesn't like
his wife's friends from work. Yeah. Very funny. Okay. I saw Carla get on Jeremy. She's like,
be friendly, Jeremy. Okay. All right. Okay guys. Well, it has been a pleasure to facilitate these
conversations the last four weeks. Remember you still can go through the materials and just hang
tight in this group. Um, I will be posting in here. We have a meeting to tomorrow's Tuesday,
right? Wednesday, we have a meeting. And after that meeting on Wednesday, we'll be posting
a calendar of what's up coming in spirit mates. All right. And all of you are grandfathered in
because you're taking those questions in the, in the spirit mates or as are you going to answer
them and still just make sure that you post them under the ask a coach tab and not in the regular
feed. Okay. Okay. All right. Yeah. You'd be the first one. No one's posted anything there yet.
So post it there because that's how it's easy to find on the, on the app. Okay. Okay. All right.
You guys love you so much. Thank you God for these couples. Thank you for their legacy. Thank you for
their lineage. Thank you for everything. You brought them together for everything you're
going to do in their lives and their families and their businesses and the things that they're
creating God that are going to change the world, Laura.
Thank you for the seasons that they're in Lord, give them patience in those
seasons, God, help them to see that you are with them and to lean on you, God,
in times of adversity, knowing that spring season or summer seasons right
around the corner and father, we thank you for it in Jesus name.
Amen.
All right, see you in the app friends.
Bye-bye.