We will get started. So welcome, ladies. I see that there is 14 of us on, so welcome.
It is February 3rd, 1 o'clock Eastern. This is Love Story Accelerator. Today we're going
to be touching a little bit on Divine Feminine, so I hope you're excited about that. It's
one of my favorite videos. So we'll be covering that a little bit today. And I was just discussing
before I hit record, we definitely want to make time to get to as many questions and
unpack as many things as possible. But I do want you ladies to really, really, really,
really do your best to get into that app and do your best at posting your responses there
or posting your questions there, what's going on, updating us. Myself and Ebony are
diligently trying to get in there and give you all our thoughtful coaching responses and doing
our best to catch up. I was just telling Stephanie, I'm getting caught up from my weekend of being
out of pocket. I literally had no phone. I didn't even know what time it was. It took our phones.
They literally were like, okay, we're going to give you like no control, which is something
that I have often struggled with. And so it was a really big blessing for me this weekend. And so I,
I had to really work on that. So I'm finally getting caught up on all of those. And I have
gotten to most of the ask the coach questions. And I'm now working on the category of all and
wins. But Stephanie, yes, I'll have to go back and look at the ones in the responses, which is
actually a good reminder, because I know we do have a few people that have jumped into our phase
within the last couple weeks. So this is just a friendly reminder. Many of you already know this,
when you are replying to us coaches in your post, reply to your post, not to us coaches
under your post. Does that make sense? Because for some reason, it does not trigger it does not
notify us. And so if you were if you responded to us, under our reply under your post, we won't get
notified. For whatever reason, we did have some updates. And we got some things fixed. And now
we're working on fixing some new things that it costs. So bear with us. We are aware of a lot of
those things. If you do notice that there are some glitches, and you're recognizing some things,
you know, put a help ticket in, you know, don't hesitate to let tech know, hey, I'm having a
problem with the app. And also, I don't know which device you all prefer, whether it's your phone or
your computer. But don't hesitate to try both. Personally, I like using my computer. I don't like
using the app on my phone. Like if I'm typing responses, and y'all know, I'm very long winded.
I'll be like, typing responses, and all of a sudden, it like won't let me keep going. And I'm
like, and then I'm typing and I can't see my errors. And I'm like, this is just so much better
if I'm just on my computer. So that's something to try as well. You might find, you know, one device
works better than the other. So those were things that I wasn't even going to housekeep on. But
obviously, that needed to be housekept, right? Do I have any new ladies with me?
Catherine, so good to see you. Nice for you to join us. I got some Google Pixel 7a. I don't know
who that is. I don't know your name. I don't see your face. But I hope I'm glad you're here.
If you can come live on camera, I'd love to see your face. I do know that a lot of us
at this hour of work can't always do that. So I totally understand that. But if you can,
it does help me to see your lovely faces. So if you could do that, I would love it.
But for those of you that don't know me, I am Carla Johnson. I'm one of your coaches here.
And last year single, you'll see me hop in phase one at times. Phase two is where I'm primarily at.
I do keep a watch sometimes in phase three, not as often. I don't typically go on those live calls
as frequently. But you'll see me kind of throughout. I am a success story. I came to
last year, single community and beginning of October of 2020 been a couple years single.
Okay. I've been through the ups and the downs, the highs and the lows. And then by the grace of God
and being fully surrendered. All right. It took me a really long time to get fully surrendered y'all.
And I still work on that. Okay. And my husband did find me finally. I still joke with him. I'm like,
why'd you take so long? And we've now been married to about two and a half years, actually
two and a half years. But today, would today be the two and a half year mark? I don't know. Maybe
it's two years and five months. I can't remember. We got married September 3rd of 2023. So we're
blending a family. So I even have some experience with that as well. But yeah, like I said,
I've been through the ups and the downs. Totally understand that surrendered heart.
Like I shared earlier was, you know, on a retreat this weekend and believe it or not, I, I myself
had to fully surrender some areas of my life that I was wanting to kind of hold on to. And so I'm
saying that because I just want to let you ladies know that I know you went through phase one
and phase one. In the beginning, we talk about that supernatural surrender,
but I want to remind you of how important it is to continue to be pressing into that and be
checking in. Yes, Cynthia, it's continual, you know, be checking in. Are you fully surrendered?
You know, that's one area that I struggle with. I, I'm a closet control freak.
And, you know, I had to finally get to a point where I'm like, these are some things I cannot
control. You know, I want I'm a helper, a leader, a teacher by nature, just my gifting. You know,
I've got that Deborah anointing, just this leadership, you know, calling on my life.
And it's really easy for me just to kind of want to take control and be like,
God, I got this for you. I know what's best. And I want to take God's responsibilities from him.
And so I've really had to work on that myself. So I say that just to press on y'all's heart
is just don't, don't neglect checking in with yourself and with the Lord.
And asking yourself, are you fully surrendered in these areas, especially when you're finding
yourself kind of at this like, roadblock at times, you know, ask the Lord to reveal to you,
what is it that you know, you need to fully surrender? So, yes, we're gonna, we're gonna
cover Divine Feminine today. And then I want to leave time for your questions for sure.
One last thing, talked about, yeah, I did talk about making sure that y'all are going in the app,
posting under Ask the Coach. Two weeks from now, I think we're going to go ahead on September,
not September. I'm here talking about my wedding. February 17th, to do another one of our
Come Camera Ready. If you want some feedback from myself and Ebony about Camera Ready for
those online dates that we encourage you ladies to do if you're long distance, or you've been
chatting with somebody for at least a week, we want you getting on those video chats if you can't
get in person, especially if it's a long distance situation. So put that on your calendar, that when
you come live in two weeks, be Camera Ready, have your cameras ready and on. Okay, so I think we're
gonna definitely do that. And then keep in mind, you know, obviously, we want you posting in the
app as frequently as possible coming to the lives. But we also know that there are some of you ladies
that would just prefer to have a little bit longer of a session of unpacking and coaching that is
available, but it is an additional fee. But we do offer one on one coaching. We have several coaches
that offer that myself, Ebony included here in phase two, we have coaches that were from your
phase one experience, and coaches from phase three as well that are in there. And that's under your
resource tab under hire a coach. And it's a 50 minute session. So that is always available if
you feel you would benefit from that and you want to invest that in yourself. That is an option.
Okay. So, all right, I don't really want to spend a whole lot of time on the feminine. But just by a
show of hands, raise your little avatar hand. How many of you have
yet to watch the Divine Feminine video in our content for phase two.
Catherine, you might be one of them.
Okay.
Alyssa, I know Catherine is brand new.
Christina, you have yet to watch Divine Feminine.
Okay.
So there's about three of you.
I think that I see, I don't know if I caught anybody else.
All right.
I want those ladies who have not watched that, don't rush.
Okay.
Especially if you're fairly new.
Okay.
It's like the second, no, that might be the third video that you watch.
So if you're still in that, those beginning weeks, don't worry.
Okay.
You'll get to it.
All right.
So I'm just going to give you just a little bit, a little extra.
You're going to get like a little sneak peek.
So just keep that in mind.
Everybody can take notes.
But when you do, I do want you to kind of focus on, you know, listening for those
characteristics that Jackie talks about as far as what the Divine Feminine
characteristics are.
And those are those, like you're, you're nurturer, you are, you know, you're
caring, you're compassionate.
You have that just sense of wanting to be a caregiver.
You're emotionally in tune to things.
That's just the feminine nature.
It really, it really is.
It's just kind of how God's designed us and operates us and allows us to operate.
Um, and then she does touch a little bit on that masculine as well.
And so that is important to understand what our role is and how to show up.
And then as you ladies get into dating, you'll start recognizing how important
it is to see how the feminine is different from the masculine.
And then you'll see how at times where you might kind of exhibit some
masculine qualities, or you'll expect the men to show up in a more feminine side.
And so it's really good to just spend time with the Lord and in that video and
just in prayer, really asking the Lord to reveal to you what, what God's design of
masculine and feminine really looks like, especially in relationship.
And so as you ladies start navigating, dating, and just, and basically dating
for discovering what that looks like, you're going to see some of
those things start come to surface.
And so the more you get, you know, involved in our app and coming to these
calls, the more we're going to be able to unpack those things with you.
And God's just going to just start revealing a lot more things and you're
just going to grow and you're going to heal and it's going to be amazing.
Right.
I say this from experience and I will say this, I'm even still learning
how that operates in marriage.
Like I had, you know, just kind of revelation just recently, even today
about how a man can show up in his masculine energy as being emotionally
intelligent, my husband and I communicate very differently.
You know, I'm a very deep, um, highly sensitive, emotional person.
Like I'm a feeler.
I have a deep spiritual like side to me.
Like I just, there's just this, I mean, I don't know how to describe it.
I think, you know, I was seeing Callie's, um, you know, she shared about herself
and I could just so relate to her.
I'm like, girl, you speak in my language.
Like, I get that.
Like, I just am such a very much like just spiritually deep, intimate
person, and I just cherish that.
And so I sometimes want my husband to show up in that way.
And he is emotionally intelligent, but his emotion and emotional
intelligence shows up differently than it does in me.
And so I'm like learning like, oh, mine's in like feeling and talking and, you
know, where his is just a calm steadiness that brings me more peace, but it's how
God operates and so that will start coming up as you ladies start dating for
discovery as well.
So when you're watching that video, I definitely want you ladies to be
considering that.
Um, one thing I really want to express when I'm talking about the divine feminine,
it's not just what you say, it's how you move, it's how you respond, and it's
also how you receive.
Okay.
And so some of those behaviors, it's, it's, are you showing up in a soft way or
are you tightened?
Are you receiving?
Are you accepting something?
Are you trying to operate in control?
So like I just shared a moment ago, like.
I don't always like to receive I want to control so that's something that I had
to work on through the years and my singleness and in my married life being
able to express warmth instead of just being neutral that for me is not
difficult because again I'm highly emotional so that's never a difficulty
for me but when I was on this retreat this weekend I did notice there were a
lot of women that did struggle with this and that might that might be you
especially if you came from a home where it wasn't okay for you it wasn't a safe
place for you to share your feelings so if you grew up in a home where emotions
were not a safe like form of expression you might not feel comfortable showing
up in that way you might not being you know comfortable showing up in it that
feminine or maybe you've had past relationships where it wasn't safe to
show your emotions and so you've built these learned behaviors or these triggers
and these traumas that have created these blocks that now that's you're not
showing up in that feminine because you're operating in this counterfeit
trauma response and so that's something that you know will will start surfacing
and God will you know begin to surface that and and what he reveals to you so
that you can start getting that healing some other behaviors to look at are like
allowing support instead of doing it alone you know that's where independent
women right you know I'm 42 I think it's that you know R&B like independent women
like song like you know pay my bills pay my you know like whatever like you know
we have to be independent women you know we don't need we don't need help from
men it's this like we grew up I mean if you're you know you're 40 50 30 years
old you know even even 60 years old like you probably grew up thinking like I
have to take care of myself these men aren't gonna take care of me so I gotta
do it myself well that's not how really God wants us to operate so and that can
be hard to break I was like that I was like I'm independent and then I was a
single mom so I had to do everything by myself my my son's dad was like mm-hmm
I'm not really helping you out you want money you only want money because you
just want to take money from me no dude it's like it's an obligation you have to
your son like your little money is not helping me it's literally helping pay
half of childcare dude so but you know that was I had a hardness about myself
that I had to really allow myself to kind of work on that and even now like I
can sometimes get a little independent with my husband and frustrated that I'm
like no I want to do this all by myself I don't want to ask him for help so um
those are just things to be thinking about and so um yes there's not always a
motive when help is offered exactly like sometimes people just want to help
because it's a blessing for them to do and so sometimes when we don't allow
people to help us like we're blocking their blessing have you ever thought
about that like especially if you're someone that likes to bless people like
how does it feel when someone doesn't accept your blessing so if anybody ever
had that happen you try to bless somebody and they're like no no no and
you're like you're taking that from me so just keep that in mind all right so
I'm gonna have us do and I think I've done this I think I did this about six
weeks ago when I talked about this and I just want us to go ahead and just step
into our feminine right now Callie you're about to go Amish okay I okay fun
story I lived in Sarasota Florida and there is an Amish Mennonite community
called pine craft in Sarasota Florida and I worked in pine craft and a well
known restaurant they have an they have a hotel restaurant like gift shop all
that kind of stuff so I worked around a lot of that so trust me there's some
things there in the Amish that you might
Not want it doesn't look as it's not as glorious as you think it is. Okay, but I I totally feel you
I totally understand. Yes. It's that simple life. It is there is a lot of perks to it
But I will share
Just a little bit about the divine feminine and masculine
There is still some little little stuff in there that it's it's not in alignment with god's divine design as well
so
Um, I will I will say that okay
um, all right, well, we're just gonna go ahead and just
Um, and again if you can have your camera on
Be best so I can see so all y'all all the other ladies can watch you as well
I want us to just practice
Showing up in a soft feminine, okay
Yeah, blue I saw you you're like, what does that mean?
Well, first let me ask this
I i'm curious how many and just by a raise of hands just raise your little avatar hand
Really struggle
With showing up
in a
Feminine way that they really feel like that feminine
Spirit like they're just like that
It makes me uncomfortable
Like if that's you look ladies, there is no shame I I want you to be real and honest
I appreciate that honesty
So lou, I think was it alissa? You had your hand raised kelly. Thank you
Ladies, thank you for being honest stephanie. Thank you
that
That's that's difficult
And ladies, that's okay
That's what we're here
We're here to help you process that
And this is not going to be one of those things that just overnight. It's just gonna like click
we're gonna take this in steps of
Let's help
with partnership with holy spirit
Let's really figure out
What is it that the lord wants to heal so that?
We can step into what god's created us
Okay, I really want to encourage you ladies
to understand that
Being feminine doesn't mean that we're weak
Feminine is not weakness
And I know for for a lot of us
um, especially if we've been abused and just
um treated really poorly whether it was in our family of origin
or
relationships
or you know
Teachers coaches just people in general just people strangers even
Where we've just been treated and taken advantage of and like treated like we were beneath them
Like it can feel
Crippling
And it can you know, and so there's this part of us that we're like
We feel like we have to defend ourselves
That you know people have
We've you know, there's people that have their actions have created these hurts in us
that
We now feel like we have to protect and defend ourselves
And so that was never god's plan
And so god wants to come in and he wants us to heal in those areas
And so
It's it doesn't have to be an overnight fix
But god's gentle
He's not forceful
And he is going to start helping
Peel back those layers and we can start uncovering that together
And know that you're not alone
There are several women here in this community
That feel the same way
Okay, we all might not have experienced the same traumas
But we all
Can at some point relate to some things that might be similar?
Okay
So we don't have to be afraid
We don't have to put up a guard. We can be vulnerable here
That's one thing that you know
I had to step into this weekend
I had to step into this weekend. Not only did I not have my phone
Didn't know what time it was
Y'all I didn't even know like I had to rely on people to wake me up on time
It's very weird, um, no control over what I ate when I ate um
Lots
things. But really leaning in this weekend, I was with 20 other women from
my church. Many of them I didn't really know personally, but I had to get to a
place of complete vulnerability and share some just deep places of my heart.
And also they had to do the same. And ladies, when we have a
community that allows us to do that, God can really like transform. And so I
really like, I've been in this community since 2020. I've seen what the
vulnerability can do here in just an online community, but I even just got to
experience with a local community too. So it doesn't just happen in local
community. But then I was reminded, I'm like, I get to show up every week in an
online community where we get to do the same thing. And so I really hope that you
allow yourselves to step into that feminine, that divine, that being able to
be vulnerable and share here openly that we're here to meet you wherever
you're at. And when you let those walls down and you open up, it is a safe place.
And once one woman shares, another woman relates, and then she can share it. And I
saw that happen even this weekend, like one woman was just like, just sharing of
how just tormented she was in her marriage. And she was just like hiding
and trying to make it look like it was something that it wasn't. And she just
let it out and actually encouraged another woman to share something that she
was battling. And there was so much release. And so I say that, because that
happens here in this community too. And so I really want you ladies to feel
comfortable here. Okay. So I thank you for those ladies who just now shared
like, I struggle with this softer feminine side, like that's uncomfortable
for me. And so if that's you spend time with Holy Spirit this week and ask God
to reveal to you what's that rooted in? Where does that come from? What memories
and past things happen in my life? Did I start feeling like I had to show up more
with a, you know, this exterior that was not this soft feminine, or who God
created me to be, that I had to defend myself that I, you know, had to show up
differently that I can't express emotion or I have to control things, or I have to
be hard and not soft. And, you know, I have to do things on my own, and I can't
get help from people like where, where's that rooted in, and share that with us in
community. And maybe, you know, once we have time, at the end of this call, if you
want to share that at the end of the call, like, we can we can leave space for
that, too. So right now, I just want you ladies to kind of just sit, if you want to
stand, you can stand, I'm gonna sit, I'm just gonna, so sit, or stand. I want you
all to relax your shoulders. Okay, check your jaw, is your jaw clenched? I noticed
myself over these last couple weeks, I typically carry stress in my neck and my
shoulder, and I started going to the chiropractor, and they were working on
that, and then all of a sudden where I carry the tension and stress in my neck
and shoulders, because they were working on that, I started shifting all the
tension and stress in my my jaw and my mouth. I had just like all the sores and
things, like because I held all my stress in my mouth. So I really want you to
focus on your jaw, is your jaw tight, or is it loose? If it's tight, I really want
you to practice like loosening your jaw. Okay, just a little bit, and now I just
want you to gently, like, this is why this helps when we are on video, because
we're gonna make soft eye contact with each other, and we're just gonna have a
gentle smile.
Okay, and just go through everyone that's on your screen, and see if you can make,
it's a little hard making eye contact, I get it, but see.
if you can make eye contact and recognize if there's that soft smile on their face.
Okay, Lou, you're doing awesome, girl.
See, you say you have a hard time doing it, but you do it. You actually have a beautiful smile.
And I got my girl Cynthia on now. Hey, girl. See, look at that smile that she has. She got
a good smile too. Preachy, I see you, but I want to see a gentle smile. There we go.
Do you see? And then when we smile, Stephanie, there's your smile. Yes, girl. Kelly, where's
your smile? There. Yes, Kelly, I still see yours. Alyssa, I see yours. Lovely. I want to see yours
too. I think she just came on. There. You see, ladies? And now let me ask, okay? Yeah, totally
fine, Preachy. You're multitasking. You're good. Let me ask, especially for those ladies that I
had to say, hey, I want to see your smile. When you smiled, did anything change in your spirit?
You can unmute and you can share. I know when I asked you and I saw it,
it changed something in my spirit. So Stephanie, she felt lighter.
When I saw Lou's smile, like her smile, like literally brought me so much joy. Same with
Preachy. Like, y'all, and I'm getting literally Holy Spirit goosebumps right now, just even
talking about that. So that I just know is Holy Spirit.
So ladies, I really want you practicing that this week. You know, just when you're kind of,
you know, and then I get it. We're kind of getting the groove and we're getting in our mind, you
know, we've got, you know, things that we got to get done and all that, you know, if you're like
me, I've got a million things on my to-do list. And so I can sometimes like, you know, just be
in my head and then I'm not thinking about that. But I just want you guys to practice that.
I really want y'all to be like thinking out through the week, like stopping and being like,
just give yourself like a quick check, like where you just stop, you relax and you just,
just smile and just smile inside and smile on your face. You know, when you're walking,
you know, you know, you're out and about walking, whether it's at the grocery store
or, you know, if you're at school or you're picking your kids at school, if you're in,
you know, car pickup line, you know, sometimes car pickup line is really hard to smile at people.
So all my mamas that pick up their kids at school, y'all know what I'm talking about.
Some of those people can't drive. They don't know what they're doing.
One of these days, I just need to record for the car pickup line at my son's elementary school.
It's insane. I used to actually volunteer to help at drop-off in the mornings.
I finally had to tell school, I'm like, I can't volunteer anymore because this is just not,
I'm like, it doesn't start my day well.
And I'm like, the last thing you need to see is a stressed out mama and these poor
little babies coming out to start school. And I'm like, slow down to these parents.
I do every now and then like go help out. Cause I do like bringing
smiles to the kids' faces, but some of the parents are not always so joyful.
Karen, you're laughing at me, but you, you probably know seriously.
But like I said, just practice that this week, really be checking in
with yourself this week about what that looks like. Just show up in a soft feminine,
soft, gentle smile. Bring the joy of the Lord. You know, that's the, you know, the fruit of the
spirit, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness,
self-control, like all of that. Okay. Okay. I want to make time. So I'm going to kind of probably
move through some of this. I'll probably, cause I did a lot of this six weeks ago.
Um, for this week for your weekly activation, what I want you ladies to do and what I want you
ladies to post about, um, is I want you to at least pick one thing this week.
And, I want you to share, I want you, okay, one, I want you to smile intentionally in
public.
Make eye contact and smile at someone intentionally.
And share what you experience through that.
Okay, then, I want you to be on the lookout to receive help or kindness at some point
this week.
And if someone doesn't offer it, I really want you to have some courage to ask for help.
Preferably with a gentleman.
And ladies, this does not need to be a guy that you're interested in.
Okay, honestly, I would, when I did this activation, I preferred not to do it with someone that
I was interested in.
Like, I, you know, at the time, I was in my late 30s when I was single on the program.
I went, I think I went to like Home Depot or something like that.
And I just went up to like one of the male workers that was probably in his 60s and asked
him for help.
Like, go ask an older gentleman or a younger gentleman to help you with something, to get
something off of a shelf for you.
You know, if you want to paint your dining room or your bedroom and you're looking for
a paint color, go ask their opinion.
If you're traveling and you're putting your bag on the overhead, ask a guy, can you put
this bag up for me?
Or can you get that bag down for me?
I have a hard time doing that when I'm short, y'all like I'm 5'3".
And again, my control side comes on, my impatience, y'all, I can get really impatient.
My husband and I were talking with Jackie last night because we were doing the heartwork
for couples.
We just launched that.
So we were finishing up, that was our last week.
And we were sharing about like what our moods were.
And I was like, one of my moods, one of my typical moods is like irritation and like
I'm irritable and impatient.
And then I'm typically like super friendly and social and then I can be laid back and
calm.
And I'm like, but you know, like if I'm moody, you're going to know I'm irritated and annoyed
and impatient.
So I can oftentimes like, and this happened when I was traveling in December, like I was
just like, even with my husband, I'm like, just like, let me just get this.
And I was like pulling all of the bags down for my kids, for my husband.
And I wasn't even one that had a carry on above, but I don't think that I was not like
ripping everything down and be like, come on, let's go, we got to get going.
We got five of us in a family and I'm like, oh, these people are waiting for us.
And so, but I want you ladies to ask for help and not, if you're like me and typically want
to operate in that, I want you to stretch yourself to speak and you know, be thinking
of how you can do that.
Same thing if you, if you're typically wanting to rush again, I'm a rusher because I can
be very impatient.
I really want you to pause and slow down.
You catch yourself this week where you're rushing, rushing, rushing, rushing, pause
and slow down and share about that nap with us.
Or if you're someone that often wants to, when people give you compliments, instead
of minimizing yourself or dismissing it, I want you to actually take the compliment and
say thank you.
Y'all, I didn't, I was not good at that either.
I still sometimes like, even my husband will be like, oh babe, you're so beautiful.
And I'm like, no, not, no.
And he's like, wow, like why do you never take compliments?
And he's, it's, he's right.
Like that comes from some past traumas, never feeling good enough, never feeling valued
and you know, worthy, you know, always kind of feeling like pushed aside by men I was
in relationship with.
And so when my husband.
and shows up in that way, like sometimes it's uncomfortable for me and he's he's very affectionate
and he's like a physical touch person and I used to be a physical touch person but sometimes I'm
like why are you always like having to like pet me and I'm like but it's that can sometimes be
a challenge I mean and it's not he he he'll just want to like love on me and not in a sexual way
it's just literally like wants to hold my hand and I'll be like that's weird I'm not saying you
know go have men touch you okay don't hear what I'm not saying okay but when people are giving
you compliments receive the compliments not the sexual compliments okay we're gonna put
boundaries up for those but the genuine compliments like hey I really appreciate you know
the extra work that you know you did organizing the you know the mail room or something like that
or you know I saw what you did in in the the lounge like you know or know where we all eat
or something like that at work or something like that or you know where everybody gets coffee
or maybe you showed up with you know donuts for your your co-workers or something and they're like
wow I really appreciate how thoughtful you are to your co-workers you know don't be like oh that's
nothing no no be like thank you thank you for recognizing that you know it really brings me a
lot of joy when I can you know bless people that way like take the compliment like receive it
okay um and then if you you know it's winter it's cold um if you want to make wear something
that seems very feminine and which there's things that we can feel feminine in in the winter I find
it a little bit harder for myself because I like a lot of dresses and I can't find myself wearing
a lot of dresses in the winter but if you want to wear something this week that makes you feel
that makes you feel comfortable and confident and very feminine maybe something with lots of color
um you know just play around with colors that just accentuate your your skin tone your eyes
anything like that um jewelry like that will make you pop extra little extra makeup on this week
that you can feel comfortable to kind of just feel a little more feminine I want you to do that
maybe snap a picture of yourself um and share that in the group so that's going to be your
activations for the week okay so again what I'll close with is you know being feminine isn't about
being small it's really just about being open yes lipstick at the gym you know putting on a little
lip color a little lip gloss that's a good thing um yes Tulsa Oklahoma everyone will say something
nice even if it's about your shoes oh my goodness you know I actually don't live too far I don't
know how tall how far Tulsa is away from Dallas Fort Worth I know like it's only like an hour and
a half is Tulsa how far is Tulsa from Dallas about four hours by car and like 50 minutes by
plane okay awesome I know we were going to go to Broken Bow this past weekend and then Broken Arrow
Broken Bow no Broken Bow yeah I don't know yeah that's like a whole like that's apparently that's
where everybody in the Dallas Fort Worth area goes for like like cabin stuff like hiking
that's where us Dallas folk go but with the ice storm that came last week like the roads like we
couldn't get to the Airbnb that we had so we ended up having to go south in um like the Marble Falls
area in Texas so um but I was like I've never been I mean driven through Oklahoma I just have never
like stayed anywhere in Oklahoma so but it's on my list and so when I get to Oklahoma I will let
you know all right um and then Lou if you have you and actually this goes for any of you check
the resource tab in the app and look for single cities and find a single city that's near you
and get get signed up for that it's in Facebook so I mean you'll go on our app but single cities
are in Facebook and so you'll need to get a code from the resource tab and then you know as long as
you're in Facebook request to join the single city in Facebook you'll have to have the code
code, which is, again, it's in the document that's
in the Resource tab, and do that.
So I'm not sure, Lou, which single city
would be closest to you.
Dallas or, yeah, Dallas-Fort Worth.
So yeah, definitely do that, because then maybe
the Dallas-Fort Worth single city, because I'm in that one.
And so maybe we could potentially,
if we get some Oklahoma girls in there,
we could do an Oklahoma.
And there's men in there, too.
I don't know how many men, but do an Oklahoma gathering
or something like that sometime.
If people just drove an hour or two one way,
and we could figure that out.
So I don't know particular.
We're always growing those single cities.
You'll have to go in there and see.
I know that those are updated, so definitely check it out.
OK?
All right, so any questions about?
There actually are some in the Midwest.
I do actually know that.
There is Indianapolis, I believe.
There's a tri.
I know there's several in Ohio.
So there's several there.
I know DC has one, New Jersey.
We have some in Phoenix, LA, Redding, I think
maybe San Francisco, a few others.
There's a handful.
For my Canada girls, there definitely are some there, too.
I think Alberta, Canada, Edmonton, Toronto,
I think there might be some.
But New York, I do know there.
Tampa, because I used to moderate that one
when I was in Sarasota.
Orlando, Jacksonville, I don't know
if there's one in Miami or South Florida.
Atlanta, North Carolina has some.
So yeah, there's all sorts.
Those are the ones off the top of my head.
But definitely go check that out, OK?
All right, any questions about Divine Feminine or things
that we want to unpack?
We've got at least a good 40 minutes to be able to do that.
I know, Stephanie, you want to unpack some stuff.
I know, Gail, we wanted to unpack some things
with anybody else.
Questions?
It doesn't have to be about Divine Feminine.
It can be anything.
I do have a question about the Divine Feminine, actually.
Yeah, let's go.
What's your question?
So my question is, what does the feminine and, I guess,
what to look for in the masculine,
as well, in an online setting?
Like, how do we show up in our feminine in our chats,
in our conversations online?
Because that's different than, you know,
hand me this from the shelf, and thank you
for opening the door for me, and that kind of thing.
And also, what should we be looking
for as evidence of masculine in an online setting?
Because that's where I'm struggling a little bit.
OK, that's a really good question.
There are going to be things that you can kind of look for.
But I do want to encourage you ladies
that it's not going to be something that is just
going to be there right away.
Like, it is something that you're
going to observe over time, OK?
Like, I don't want you to say, oh, this man is a masculine man,
and so, or this man is not a masculine man.
That's why, you know, you want to have
some non-negotiables about things
that you're looking for in the men
that you're looking at online.
But it is really about the getting to know you piece.
And so that's important, OK, of how they show up.
So are they, and again, we want to offer some grace.
They're not always going to show up like this divine masculine.
And I'm saying that because, for example,
my husband is a very divine masculine man,
but that doesn't mean that there are not
areas where he doesn't always operate in divine masculine.
Because he's gotten trauma.
He was in a marriage for 11 years with a very unhealthy woman
that there was just a lot of toxic stuff in her past.
He had a very, you know, controlling mother
that created a lot of trauma in him.
And so I've had to give a lot of grace with him,
especially in his, he's a very emotionally spirit-led.
a male and masculine and he's a steady, stable, strong man.
He is very emotionally intelligent,
but sometimes it can be very disconnected
because he can be responding in trauma.
And so he sometimes will not show up in a masculine
because he's responding out of a not feeling safe for me
for me because he's literally thinking,
oh, my wife might be responding the same way
women have in my past.
And so it doesn't mean that he's not masculine,
it just sometimes I'm having to give him grace
as he works through that.
So masculine, what I encourage you ladies to look for is
do they have a teachable heart?
Doesn't mean perfection.
Okay, hold on.
I'm talking about like even before that, Carla.
I'm talking about even before that.
So maybe we can go a little bit deeper.
What do you think you struggle with
as far as not knowing what to look for?
Like what are some things that you're looking for
when you're looking for a masculine man
when you're going online?
Let's start there.
Okay, maybe I can tie this into a little bit
where I wanted to unpack, right?
So I've decided that I have a boundary
that I'm not sharing my phone number
before an in-person date
or that I'm not sharing social media anymore
because it just, you know, I wanna go on dates.
I wanna meet them in person.
You want real in-person dates or video dates.
And so I don't have the expectation
that they're gonna ask me on a date
within, you know, two back and forth exchanges.
But if we've been chatting for a week, you know, a week,
then, you know, the next step is usually there.
My experience has been that they're eager
to get off of the app.
Okay.
And they, you know, they wanna do WhatsApp
or they want my phone number
or they wanna do, you know, Instagram or whatever it is.
And so then, you know, as softly as possible say,
cause that was your question.
It's like, what's the language that I'm using?
Yeah.
Then I'll say, well, you know,
I don't share my phone number or social media
before an in-person date,
but I'd be open to an in-person date.
Or I say something like
if they're a little bit further away
or if I feel like maybe they wanna gauge more interest,
I'm like, I'm also open to doing a video chat.
Okay.
All right.
So let's work on some of the wording just in case that,
let's see, let's work on the wording
and see if that shifts some of the men's responses.
Okay.
So when they're like, hey, can I have your number
or social media, whatever?
Do you have a Google voice number?
Yeah.
And so that was your next question.
And my answer was, yes, I have one for business.
But-
Okay.
But you can't have two, can you?
I don't think so.
Also, my point is that
I don't wanna keep giving out my phone number
and just texting back and forth.
I don't know if that's just an experience that I'm having,
but it's like, can you just,
I'm not trying to have a pen pal here.
Like, I don't wanna go back and forth in texting
and W, what is it?
What are you doing?
How are you doing?
Like, I don't, I just-
You're like, let's just like get to know each other.
Let's take the-
Yes.
Because then what I'm finding is that, okay,
I know that part of like me being a masculine
in the past was like, okay,
I'm good with conversation in the sense that like,
oh, I can ask thoughtful questions, right?
To get a, you know, not super deep conversation,
but something that gains a little traction.
And another issue that I'm having is just like,
it feels like I'll ask the question
and then they'll respond,
but then they'll say, what about you?
And so it's like, okay, now I'm answering the question,
which is fine, you know,
but then it's like,
then I have to ask another question to keep it going.
And so that's where I'm like,
I find that what I would consider if masculine
is that I don't have to carry the conversation.
I don't have to lead in the conversation.
And I don't know if this is that entitlement, you know,
that we've been talking about and all that thing.
Like, I'm getting all kinds of confused.
I'm trying to do the right things, y'all.
But it's like, you know, let them lead and be feminine.
But, you know, get them to listen.
It's like, I'm trying to find the balance,
but it's like, you know.
sure i can i have in the past give my number sure and then it's like text me for another week two
weeks and then fall off or like i'm trying to be as you know i'm open to this if you're not
comfortable with it there was a guy who was like i suggested zoom and he laughed at me he said it
was anti-personal and then i was like well i don't i don't look at it that way i see it as a way to
to have boundaries with strangers online but if that doesn't work for me for you like i can
i respect that and he came back with said whoa oh i didn't think of it that way but i understand
you know i just don't have zoom could we do facebook messenger and i was like you know
what i'll tighten up my facebook i'll make sure it's real private like i'll compromise i'll do
what i will say facebook messenger okay because i did this because i did facebook dating you can
do you can do a facebook messenger video call and not have them as your friend yeah yeah so i
agreed i was like yeah that's fine that i would encourage so that goes for any of you ladies
understand now you obviously which i will encourage this for all of you and all of you ladies that
have social media i would strongly encourage you have your social media locked down on private so
that anybody that searches you that's not friends with you on social media cannot see your business
now i understand if you're like a influencer or you know you do certain things for your job like
that kind of stuff but i would imagine if you're doing stuff for your job or you're promoting
things it's not going to be as personal so that i can understand but typically that people are
going to do their influencers stuff or things for their job they're going to have two separate
accounts i mean jackie has two separate accounts she has her stuff that's tied with last year's
single she also has a personal account so she's not sharing personal stuff on jackie doorman
that she has completely different personal account so if you only have a personal account
ladies put that on private that you're only having people see what you're posting that you
are friends with and also if people that are your friends can see your business make sure the people
that are your friends are legit your friends okay and that's why i think stephanie i don't
think i have to tell you you're not accepting these men as your friends like it's what i'm
getting is like you're like i'm not gonna share my social media with you i don't know who you are
like i was just it's what it comes back to for me all of it is laziness it feels like laziness
okay because they'll get on in the past it's like they would get on my social media and
they'd look and see and you know lurk and then stop engaging because instead of asking
questions and having a conversation they just want to see what i'm about okay all right this
is what i might stretch you a little bit here okay do it i know there's something there but
that's what i'm like i'm trying to love like i'm trying to find the middle ground i know
like ladies but stephanie is my girl y'all like especially for you new ladies that are you know
just joining in like that you know you might not have been in in phase two for very long like
this is what phase two is literally it's all about it really is and and and stephanie has
been with us for you know a little bit i've been here too long i think no you haven't been you
haven't been here too long there's no too long in our face just keep that in mind and that goes for
everybody you're not i would rather y'all sit in this phase longer than going into phase three
not ready like i want you ladies to feel ready to go to phase three we're here to help you like
that's that is what we're here for okay so but she's showing up she's showing up and she's like
look teach me show me heal me grow me like give it to me she's coming up she's she's here she's
always vulnerable she's she's being she's being transparent like this is what i'm struggling with
help me so she knows i'm gonna be real with her i'm gonna stretch her some okay ladies i will
stretch you so i'm hearing i'm and i hear and i hear your frustration there are men out there
that yes they're on these apps ladies we had this conversation when i went over online dating
we have to be in the right mindset to do this online dating
okay we have we have to be in the right mindset we also have to come to
terms that we are going to come across some of the unfortunate personalities with online
dating that comes with it.
There are broken people in this world because we live in a broken world.
There are broken men out there just like there are broken women.
Y'all, I was a broken woman on these dating apps.
So we have to know that we are going to come into contact with some of them.
And so that's inevitable.
We have to be making sure that we are guarding our hearts and we are checking in with what
is our response to how these men are showing up and what does God want to do in us and
through us with no matter who comes in our path.
You know, I was in this community for over two years doing the dating.
Well, I wasn't dating the first year, but a good solid year after online dating and
I came up across some duds and I also came across some really great guys too.
Even before this community, I was online dating and I went through a lot of duds.
Okay.
A lot, a lot.
I also came across some really good ones that I just couldn't even recognize honestly because
I was very unhealed.
So just, we know that we're going to do that.
We're going to have, we're going to have those.
Okay.
I hear you that yes, we're not, we're not trying to give out our numbers.
Okay.
If you got the Google number, good.
Let's work on how we're going to respond to the idea of, hey, when they're asking for
a phone number or social media and you can say, you don't even have to say, hey, I don't
give out my number or my social media unless I've had a video or a in-person meet.
You don't even say, I don't do this.
You can say, hey, would it be okay if we went ahead and just set up a video call or
met in person?
What are your thoughts about that?
See how they respond to that.
If they're like, uh, well I really don't want to meet in person until I've, you know, conversed
a little bit.
Okay.
Can we do a video call or a phone call?
And then if they kind of don't take that and they don't want to receive a video or a phone
call at that point, you say, you know, I, I understand that you might want to have some
more like exchanges.
We can do that here in the app.
If you're not ready to have a phone call or a video call or meet in person.
But until we can set that up, I'm just not going to give out my phone number.
I'm not comfortable giving out my phone number.
Can I ask you a question?
We're talking a lot about boundaries and stuff.
Why can't I say, I don't do this.
It's not that you're, it's because it's, it's the, it's not that you're not putting up a
boundary.
It's how you're delivering your boundary.
It's coming from a very guarded place.
I don't do this.
It can feel very guarded and defensive.
It just feels like I'm being asked to carry their.
I want to find the right word.
No.
Like I have to hold their sense of sensibilities as it still feels like you're having to nurture
there.
Like you're having to like, why, why do I have to find I'm open, right?
But why do I have to be so mindful of hurting their little feelings?
Okay.
The best way I could come up with that.
No.
And I appreciate, and I appreciate that honesty because I think that's in general what I'm
feeling with men.
I feel like.
So I'm glad you brought that up because that's what I was going to get.
I have to be soft, but you're softer than me.
So I need to, I just.
No, I 100% because that's what I want to get to because then when we were carrying in our
conversation and I wrote down these words, you said laziness, like the there's a laziness
about them, then they're lurking, they're, you know, asking questions, there is so this
is as giving me this sense. And so I'm going to ask you, where does this? Where's this
rooted in? We don't have enough time for that conversation. Okay. But do you see but I know
that that's what tells me so this, this response of why do I have to carry their feelings?
Why do I have to show up in this way? But do you see that that's where that defensiveness
is coming from? Where I'm going to ask you? Have you experienced a lot of hurt with men?
Yeah. You see, that's where that's at. We got to get to healing those areas where men
have hurt you. And what lies and belief systems got rooted to help tear down those walls.
So that you're showing up in a less defensive anymore. Authentic self. Does that make sense?
So let's
where are you at with wanting to kind of go back and processing these past hurts?
You said, I mean, I know they are, you know, I know I done the it's the abandonment and the
rejection wounds. I have them. I have a very, I've had a very toxic relationship with my own
father. I've, it's, you know, without too much detail ladies, but I'm sure there's a lot of us
on here, but you know, a lot of abuse and different things. So I get it, but I'm not.
It's not that I'm against, right? I just don't want to sit there too long all the time. You know,
I think we've got, we've done this before where you've told me because I've said in the past,
why do I feel like I have to rehash it? Why do I feel like I have to keep going there?
And I I'm better now. I have a lot less negative self-talk. I am better now. So one of my comments
in the community was, I feel like I'm showing up with a lot more love for myself and I'm showing
up with a lot more self-worth and it's still not like, it's still maybe not that it's not working,
but then we come back to this where I still have to be like mindful of
myself. I don't even know how to say the right word, but there's somewhere where I'm getting
kind of stuck because I'm, I'm, I'm doing it and I'm trying it. But, but I also feel like,
thankfully I've come out of a place where I'm like, there are no good men. They all suck.
They're all terrible. They're all, I, I'm not there anymore. You're not there. Yes. But I also
have not experienced. I know that there are, right? Like, and yes, I get men to help me on
the street and be nice. And I see the way, you know, just, just little, little tidbit,
this man at my new job office found out I'm a believer and he literally started singing out
in hymns. Like he started singing to me. And I just thought in that moment, like,
what a beautiful picture for me. It was like, God telling me, look, I'm in this place here with you
too. But so I get it. Like I was able to see a picture of like, wow, there are good godly men
out there. Right. But what I feel is that in my dating experience, I have not yet experienced.
Um, men that I can be less defensive with, and that I can be softer and feel safer with,
even though I'm, I think this is the most aware I've ever been of like trying to be soft and
trying to be feminine and trying to be, you know, gracious and not judgmental and not as direct
because yeah, those come from my wounds, but they also come from my culture. And from like,
I'm a New York city girl, you know, and I'm Latina. So forget it. I lived in South Texas for
almost a total of eight years. And I got a lot of like, whoa, because I'm direct,
you know, I got in trouble a lot at work, y'all. But, you know, and it's like, all right. I had
a boss. She called me Jenny from the block. And I had to tell her to stop calling me that.
but so I I understand that there's a lot of hardness that I've had to take off
and I am I'm taking off but then there's these little things like this where I'm
like I'm communicating a boundary that I have as as softly as possible as
directly as possible offering alternatives respecting that they don't
agree with it not fighting back or telling them that they're stupid
because they don't agree with my boundary but then I still find that like
so I had two guys say yeah sure and then both just I got stood up twice for the
for the video dates and it's like that I don't know if it's me still or is it
just that these men are like I don't know she tough like I'm gonna we're
gonna cuz I got two more people on our time but this is what I'm gonna tell you
okay and we can unpack some more in the coming weeks as well just come in the
app as well and we'll all unpack some more with you in the app as well but
this is what I'm gonna share with you okay and you know I love you and I say
this with so much love no do it 100% because I am literally experiencing this
myself as well okay literally just walked through a lot of this as well
you
your boundaries I want you to really press into are these boundaries or are
these walls I'm not asking you to let go of your boundaries but I am gonna ask
that are these boundaries rooted in fear because if they're if they're rooted in
fear then it's a wall it's not a boundary
and I hear you saying like I'm better now
yes you've come a long way Stephanie we're not denying that you have made so
much growth but you're still holding on to one area you're still scared to let
go of full surrender control and again that's what I'm sharing this out of love
because I know I just feel like I want to see them show up I know and sometimes
God is we have to literally surrender it all where you're gonna have to just let
it all out because that's when God's gonna come in and he's gonna be able to
reveal things that really truly need to get healed when we let all of those
things down when we let all of those walls down and it doesn't mean that
it's there's not gonna be times where it's gonna be you know it's gonna hurt
okay I'm not gonna sit here and say like it's gonna be easy okay but remember it
doesn't have to be easy it is going to be worth it it can be scary and I'm just
sharing this from my own personal experience I am someone who what you
know what there's a lot of things I can literally give over to the Lord but I'm
like what I can't give this away can't give this away because if I give this
away I don't know if I can trust you with it so that was gonna be my question
to you do you believe that God has this perfect man for you that's going to
protect you and love you and show up the way that you know God has created men do
you trust God to bring that man for you
and also let your walls down if well is he going to are you do you trust him
enough to do it that you're willing to let go all of control over it that's not
always easy I've literally have I'm saying this just I'm gonna be
transparent with you ladies okay you know I had the season of singleness okay
I had to walk through the same thing I had to let go of a lot of control in a
lot of areas I'm still walking in that in marriage and blending family I wanted
to literally do all of the healing for my husband and all the healing for my
bonus children I wanted to control my new kids I want to control how my
husband operates I wanted to like it had to look this certain way because
I've got I'm a coach and I've been through this healing I've done all of
this God I can't trust you with that because I already know because I was
scared Lord God what if what if what if my daughter you know what if I really
my daughter to you God and she has to go through some some tough stuff she's got
a
really hurt, what if she gets herself in a really bad situation and I can't protect her, God?"
But I'm like, but that means I'm not trusting God.
I'm basically saying, God, I love my daughter and I love my husband more than you do.
So do you trust yourself more than you trust God with your marriage and your spirit mate
and your relationship and your healing?
Do you believe that God is capable of protecting you more than you can protect yourself?
It doesn't mean that you haven't gotten healing. It doesn't mean that you haven't
grown, that you've worked through some things, but are there other areas
of release and surrender? Is this the tipping point?
Are these boundaries, boundaries? Are they walls?
I love you, Stephanie. I do. And girl, you inspire me. I'm sure you inspire so many women
in this community. You show up, you're authentic, you're transparent, you're real, you're raw,
you're honest, you're vulnerable. Your growth and your vulnerability is going to help others
and it's there for you and we're here for you. Thank you. So process that a little bit. I want
you to come in, in the app. Okay. I'm going to walk this through with you. All right. We're
going to, we're going to, and again, it's, we're just going to do it little by little.
This is not something, if you're like me, I'm that person. Like, I just want to figure it out
right now and get it all done. If you're like me, that's probably, that's probably how you're
thinking. Long time for me, it's been a long time. No, you know, I haven't had a relationship in 15
years and I'm in those years, you know, where it's like, I was 23 and I'm 37. Like,
girl, I was right there with you. I didn't get like, literally my husband proposed to me on my
40th birthday. I never been married before. My son was seven when I met my husband and I hadn't
dated since my husband or my son's biological dad. So I get it. Like, I was just like, I'm
running out of time. I'd never been married. I'm about to be 40. What am I going to do?
So I get it. Like it's not too late, but what I will tell you is the longer you hold onto this
and don't release and surrender it, that thing that you fear that breakthrough, it's just going
to take longer. But when we truly like the thing that God can literally do in that surrender,
the exhilaration that he can literally put on you and in your story, it's, I've seen it in this
community. It literally comes down to supernatural surrender, giving it all to God.
And I say it, and I know it is scary. I think most of these women, if not all of them,
can literally say it's scary. They will agree. It is scary. I don't think there's a single person
that says supernatural surrender is so easy. I think at some point, every single one of us
has had to do the scary thing and completely surrender something to the Lord. But I do believe
that everyone has the testimony that when they've done it, God is supernaturally exhilarated and
shown up. And I believe that's what it's going to do for you. Thank you. All right. So come in the
app. Let's unpack more. Spend some time with the Lord. Okay, babe. I love you, girl. Kelly and
Preachy, thank you, ladies. And then we'll jump off the call. Anybody else?
Those questions definitely come in the app, all right?
All right, Kelly, what's up?
I have a question about the dating app.
Yeah.
I have been on Facebook dating app for a while now.
And talked, or not talked, but texted back and forth
with a couple of people.
But have never been asked out on a date.
And just wondering, like, I don't think that I'm ugly,
and I don't think that I'm like, I just
don't know what the problem is.
OK.
So when you're chatting with people,
how long are you chatting with them?
Not long.
Just like, they'll say, hey.
And I'll say, hi.
And then sometimes that's it.
OK, so if they're saying hey, and you're just saying hi,
are you asking them questions?
No, because I'm thinking that, like, OK.
So that's what I want you working on.
I want you starting to work on engaging in that conversation.
So what I want to share, and this is for all of you ladies,
men sometimes need a little help.
I know we have this idea like, well,
the men are supposed to lead, right?
We got this, like, men are leading.
They're supposed to just do this.
But what I will say, it doesn't mean that they, yes,
they are naturally masculine, supposed to lead.
But it doesn't mean that we can't show up and initiate
and show that we're interested.
We want to show interest.
They want to see that we're interested as well.
They want to see, like, that if they engage with us,
that we're going to reciprocate, that we're going to receive it,
and then we're going to continue it.
They sometimes want to see, like, OK, I initiated the hey.
Is she interested in me?
Is she going to engage with me?
Is she going to ask me questions?
So if we start there, get them talking.
Get them asking questions.
Be open, ladies, to the idea that some men do struggle
with asking questions too.
And I know some of you have experienced, probably a lot
of you, that you're the one that's asking all the questions
and they're not responding.
That happens too.
Sometimes men are just not great on the texting
and the communicating that way.
Sometimes when they're on the phone,
they're not even that great.
Some of them need a little time to warm up to you.
My husband, he wasn't so much like that with me,
but he's like that with a lot of people.
He's such an observer that he will just kind of sit back.
He doesn't really engage.
Like, he's not the social one in our relationship.
Let's just say it that way.
When we go out with couples, I'm the one
that's, like, getting the couples to come out.
Like, hey, honey, let's go get together with this couple.
And he kind of just chills because he's not like,
it's me with the wife that's a friend.
And I'm like, OK, honey, I need you to get to know this guy
because he's just not really that type of person.
He's a salesman, so he's on the phone.
He's talking to people all the time.
So by the time that he's in his own element, personal space,
he's just like, I'm done.
So I want you to remember that as you're starting off
with the messaging, don't be afraid to initiate conversation
and asking questions.
And then when you get a couple conversations going back
and forth, like a couple exchanges,
this is when we say drop the hanky.
Offer up the, hey, would you like to get together sometime?
Let's go grab coffee.
Let's go for a walk.
Let's go to the farmer's market.
Let's go bowling.
Whatever it is that you might find interest in doing,
would you be open to that?
Like, initiate the get together.
Some men naturally will do that, but not all of them.
I will say there's probably an equal balance.
If not, maybe more women typically
have to kind of initiate that first, hey, let's get together.
I mean, I know.
Again, we want the men to lead, but they need to feel a little bit of courage that,
hey, I'm not going to get rejected. And so I want to encourage you to kind of step out
and just if they say, hey, engage in the conversation. If you've had a couple exchanges
with them, don't hesitate to say, hey, I've enjoyed having a couple back and forth conversations with
you. Why don't we jump on a video call or go grab coffee sometime? Would you be available
anytime this weekend? And then say which day works best for you. And then let them initiate
that. And then once you get that going, then you're going to, again, let them know, hey,
I had a really nice time. I would love to do that again. And then we're hoping that then
by the second date, they're going to initiate. We want the reciprocation, but sometimes
we've got to give a little and kind of risk a little bit in order to get a return.
Does that make sense? Yeah. How's that land? How does that make you feel?
Um, it's just been, um, my husband passed away and it's just been a really long. So Facebook
wasn't even phones weren't even when we knew that. Yes. So it's like, how long ago did your
husband pass away? Uh, May 12th of 22. Okay. So it's only been a couple of years.
Yeah. I'm sorry. Thank you. Yeah. He was a firefighter. He was a great guy. He passed
away in duty. So, yeah. Do you have anyone, um, do you, I mean, there's a lot of women here in
our community that are widows as well. Have you been able to connect with any of them?
Um, you know, uh, there's been some breakout sessions that I had that both of the women
have been widows. So it's good. Yeah, definitely connect here. We have, I mean, we have so many,
you know, my husband was even a widow as well. So, you know, it's, it's, it happens, you know,
and so we have several, several women. So that, that alone, you'll have certain experiences. So
it's an, it's a new season for you. So give yourself the grace to walk through this and
don't hesitate to, to be vulnerable and share with us, like what you're experiencing. If you're
feeling grief, you can share that with us. There's nothing wrong with that. You know, if you,
you feel sadness or you feel, you know, some, I'm not sure if I'm ready or, you know, this happened
and I don't know what to do here, or, you know, I had a really great experience and maybe I'm
kind of feeling guilty. Let us know. There's nothing wrong with what you're, what you're
feeling and what you're going through. And as you open up and share that, like we're here to meet
you where you're at and that's where healing will come. Thank you. You are welcome. Thank you so
much, Kelly. I'm so happy that you're here with us. All right, Preeti, you're next. And then I'm
going to have to end our call because we are up on time. How are you? So good to see you. I know
you've come a couple of times and we haven't gotten to your, your question, so I'm glad
we're able to do that today. How are you? I'm well, and yourself? Good. Okay. I'll try and
make it very quick. My question is, as I'm navigating the apps, one of the common questions
that I get asked from the other side is like, what are you looking for? And it's literally like
the first sentence, like not even like one day, two day later. And so I'm like, well, like this is
kind of nicer to talk in person. But since you ask, I'm looking at, I mean, I'm looking for a
marriage minded person. And so like looking for something serious to that, sometimes I get like,
oh, like, you know, I mean, like, you're rushing into things. And like, I tell them that, hey,
like, I get it that I'm not like, we're not getting married tomorrow. But I need that
intention. Like if you're looking, because like, I'm from Canada, right? And like, we allow,
like, like co locating in the same like location as you get same spousal rights, right. And so
like, it's very common, like, like lots, like lots of people just like don't marry and live
together. Right. And so it's legally, like legally, you have the same rights anywhere.
And so then like, like, then they pushed me a little
but more and then I have to be like, okay, maybe this will help you that I'm not looking
for like, we also I also see a trend of ethically non monogamous a lot like I want to say seven
out of 10, like profiles that get thrown at me are that and so like, even when they don't
say it, I just like to clarify, I'm not, you know, I'm not looking for ethically non monogamous
or friends with benefits or one night stands. So like I was reflecting on.
So you're saying that seven out of 10 of the profiles that are coming at you or people
that are liking you are saying that they don't want to be monogamous. Yeah. So can you just
like deny them? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yes. Yes. I totally like that's a filter for
me. Okay, good. I do it. But some people are not honest about it. Right. And so I just
like to clarify.
Can I ask you a question on your profile? What will what apps are you using? Bumble
and hinge? Okay, Bumble and hinge. And I think on those, you can like you give like a little
you have a little graph on that. Do you communicate like what qualities and characteristics that
you're looking for? Yes. And I did show it to I did post it and you guys said this was
good. Yeah. So I'll go look at that too. Okay. I mean, I haven't done it recently. I can.
I can probably go back and search. Okay, I'll go. I mean, there's very limited text.
So like, I like, you know, I don't go into too much things. But I do tell them like,
you know, this is what I'm looking for more broadly. So anyway, I tell them and then people
just like ghost me when I say these things, that I'm not looking for ethically non monogamous.
I'm not looking for friends with benefits. And I'm not looking for one night stands.
And I was just reflecting because you were giving feedback to another sister that like
you shouldn't come across too hard, like the delivery. Yeah, the how, but I feel like without
any context, and without any opposition, if a guy asked me, like, what are you looking
for? And I say this, like that I'm looking for marriage minded, but they're still like
they're like, not like they're like, oh, so like, you're not interested in dating. And
I'm like, No, no, I am. But okay, so this, so let's do it this way. Say, I'm looking
for I'm looking at getting to know someone in a date, like I'm looking, I'm looking to
date that will lead to long term marriage minded relationship. Okay. Okay. So then that
way you're covering like, hey, I'm looking to date someone that's going to lead to this.
Yes. So then that way, it's not like marriage minded that. Yeah, like, y'all, men hear the
word marriage, and it's like, freak out. You know, like, y'all. Before it was called
last year single, I don't know if any of you know this. Um, so when I joined the community,
it was called married in 12 months or less. And that's the name of Jackie's book, right?
Yeah. And that was the name of our community. And so when she's trying to, like, you know,
we were building the community, like it originally was women first. And so then we started the
men's program. And so when it's called married in 12 months or less, yeah, getting men to
sign up for that. Yeah. But I can tell you that, like, whenever I've tried to say this,
I just get ghosted. Like, I just get ghosted. And so what are what, when you get ghosted,
what's happening inside of you? I mean, I feel rejected. Okay, so that's what I want
you to focus on. Okay. It's that rejection. Okay. What's that rooted in? Okay, because
one thing that Jackie shared with us a long time ago, and I loved it when I was able to
put this in perspective, because I had that same feeling, like, am I not good enough?
Like why are these guys turning down? I mean, I would go on, I can't, y'all, I can't even
tell you how many like first dates I had been on. I mean, my husband still, I told my husband
this and he's like, what do you mean? You, you never really got to a second date. I'm
like, I literally hardly ever got to a second date with guys. And he's like, how? I'm like,
I don't know. Like guys just, I freaked him out. I don't know what it is. Like, I don't
know if I was intimidating. I really have no clue. Um, and I started literally second
guessing myself and it was, it was like, I felt rejected. Like what's wrong with me?
And so that ghosting thing, like what? I thought we had a great conversation. I thought things
were going great. Like why all of a sudden did, do I not hear from you? Um, and so Jackie
used to call this.
like instead of it calling it ghosting, we got holy ghosted, like that's God
protection, like God's like shutting the door before we even need to even like
put ourselves in a situation that God's like, you know what, it's okay that a guy
bows himself out. If a guy is wanting to literally not honor and say hey,
I appreciate the conversation with you, I unfortunately I'm gonna go in a
different direction or something came up and I'm gonna you know date somebody
else or I'm looking for something else and you know whatever or maybe they're a
scammer and then they realize they not gonna scam you so they just give up.
We're thankful that they bow out and so it really is like
check your heart and let's really work on where is that rejection coming from,
where does that feeling coming from and once you can release and know like that
has nothing to do with me and who I am and who God says I am and my worth and
my value because my husband is going to see me cherished and valued and he's
gonna see what I like what I have to offer and he's like he's gonna see a
good thing and he's gonna be like that that woman I'm gonna marry her and she's
mine and he's gonna give me that. And in my brain I know that but it kind of
stings. It's the heart. The mind and the heart that like 17 inch and that's
where it's because something in our heart that still needs some healing yeah
that's where you know spend some time with Holy Spirit and asking okay look
when did I first feel this rejection? When in my past did I feel this? Lord help
me see and what do you want to show me? What got rooted? What lie did I start
believing? And Lord what was the truth? And once we can be replacing that truth
now anytime that that feeling comes up we've got the truth to sit there and
like when that lie wants to creep in because ladies that lie will creep in
just because we recognize the lie and we know the truth now doesn't mean that
Satan's not gonna come and try to get us to try to believe that lie again like
oh you can't you can't you know you aren't worth anything that's why that
guy decided no that that will creep back in but then you'd be like no I know your
tricks and this is what God says this is the truth and I'm fighting that lie with
God's truth oh I have to do that all the time yeah I literally have to say
affirmations to myself but I just wanted to understand like because you were
telling another sister that we can come across like yeah strong like I just
wanted to check if like when I'm saying that I'm not looking for these three
things like is it good to is it good to clarify that because like we are kind of
counterculture right like I mean it really is it seems like that here in
the online world because the norm is yeah I didn't even realize in Canada
like y'all can co-exist and still get the same benefits of being married that
yes exactly why that's happening because then what's there's really no value to
marriage at that point that people fit in that and honestly that's just that's
that's what Satan is literally trying to do mm-hmm trying to literally make
marriage not be a thing exactly perfect image of God it's not it's not just we
don't get married just because we get the the financial benefit no it's a
covenant it is a coming together it is a to become one it is a perfect image of
God it is about it's marriage and family was literally God's design in the garden
marriage and raising family I just heard something today that it was when Adam
and Eve created family that is when Satan entered the garden that's what
entered the garden as soon as there was a threat to be able to pass down
this perfect image of God and pass down the beliefs and all like that's when
Satan was like oh now there's a threat
I got to come in and I got to put doubt in and I got to, you know, I got to distort everything.
So we've, we've marriage, like God's bringing marriage back in.
That's what we're here for.
That's why I believe, you know, that's why I, that's why I'm here even, you know, that's
why I feel honored and blessed to get to coach you all because this community blessed me
so abundantly.
I wouldn't, I wouldn't be married.
I wouldn't be here where I'm at if I didn't have this community and I believe what God
is doing here in this community through Jackie, through all of the coaching here and in other
ministries too.
Like this is not just a thing that's happening here with last year's single, it's happening
all over.
And so, you know, God's God's moving and I'm excited and happy to be a part of it.
And I'm glad you all are a part of it too, because your marriages and your love stories
are going to impact the kingdom and be a great testimony of what God is going to do.
And so it's, it's going to be awesome, y'all.
I just can't wait.
So, all right, ladies, it was a pleasure.
Thank you so much.
Continue to share in the app.
And I will see you all next week and Ebony will be on tonight.
Okay, ladies, have a wonderful rest of your day and I'll see you all later.
Thank you.
You're welcome.