Welcome to love seats, also known as ask Jackie.
We have a full house tonight, or we will because we invited phase two to be with us.
Go ahead and raise your hand if you are in phase two and not in VIP community that you're
still over in the dating love story accelerator.
We want to say hi to all these folks, all these new people.
We have Alexandra and Rosanna and Lauren and Kelly.
And be happy, bravely.
Michelle is with us, Chantella, Paula, Christina, yes, Sienna, yes, yes, yes, Sennia, my husband
has helped me with that.
You guys know I am phonetically challenged.
I have a hard time sounding things out.
Kim, Lisa, Lindsay, Chicana.
Yes.
So that means if I've never seen the word before, it's really difficult for me to know
what the word is, but I make do and I push through.
Yes.
Send me a got it.
Yes.
The word.
Yes.
Sennia.
Okay.
I just make a mental note of that.
All right.
All right, everyone.
We're going to have so much fun tonight.
I requested phase two to come tonight because I want to dig into some things that I think
are going to really help us going forward in 2026.
And of course, I do have some loveseat questions.
There are some people that put in questions.
If you are in VIP community and you have never been to a loveseat before, but you are in
VIP community, you have graduated from phase one and two, go ahead and raise your hand
if you've never been to a loveseat before and you are in VIP community.
Let's go ahead and see how many of those folks are in here.
Okay.
Pamela's here and Jennifer's here.
I just want to encourage you guys to understand that you can put in questions ahead of time.
We are going to do a lightning round of questions tonight.
Guys will get to try to, I will try to get to your questions.
I don't always see them though.
I have kind of an interesting short story to share about that in a second.
Felicia's here and Alla is here.
Angela is here.
So we have these at least once a month.
We are going to be having a lot more coaching in VIP community with other coaches as well,
because coaching is the name of the game for 2026.
We want to get unstuck.
We want to get moving forward.
I gave some really hard advice to someone today.
They got, they dropped into my DMs on Instagram and boy, are we going to talk about Instagram?
We're going to talk about Instagram tonight and some of the things that I've been posting
lately, but they dropped into my DMs on Instagram and they were, you know, they're a little upset.
They're a little upset because, um, they haven't had success and they're no longer
in this community.
And I don't think that when they were even in this community that they really showed
up, you know, very often they just kind of showed up sporadically and you know what kind
of people do that?
The kind of people that do that are people that they're not focused on being successful
in this area of their life.
They think that just because they signed up, doesn't, doesn't mean that they have to show
up.
Okay.
No, no shame.
And also no shade towards this person, because a lot of people do that.
You know what?
I signed up for a Pilates class at the end of last year, thinking I was going to go into
2026 really flexible and fit.
And I have yet to be at one Pilates class yet.
All right.
I signed up for Pilates as a little membership.
And if you sign up, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta pay for at least six months.
I used to belong to this Pilates studio.
I quit, I fell off and I quit.
And then I re-signed up at the end of 25 because I was like, okay, I'm ready to get back at
it.
You guys, it is February.
I signed up in November.
I want you to go ahead and weigh in, in the comments.
Do you think that I'm serious about my fitness?
Do you think I'm serious about my fitness?
Rosanna's being fair.
She's like, not yet, not yet, Jackie, but soon, soon.
Other people are just like, nope, nope.
Rosanna's like, not yet.
You're going to get there.
I believe in you.
And I appreciate that.
I appreciate that.
And that's how I feel about all of you that just sporadically kind of come in and out.
Look, when you're serious about something, you are going to focus.
The best, one of the best things that I ever was told, and this was back in the day, I
was told this.
When you make up your mind to do something, you know that, you know, you need to do it.
You also want to do it and you make up your mind that you're going to do it.
Whatever distracts you is your enemy.
Whenever you allow to distract you from that thing.
is an enemy tactic.
And the thing is, is it could be good kinds of distractions,
but it's still an enemy tactic.
So yes, I have a lot of distractions right now,
serving people and doing things that are not bad, okay?
I'm not sitting around watching soap operas,
eating bonbons.
Promise you that.
I promise you, but at the same time,
I am doing a lot of things instead of the things
that I know that I need to do.
And so we're all guilty of that.
So I wasn't harsh.
I didn't say it that way.
When this person was like, yeah, well,
this has worked for some of my friends
and that's why I signed up.
Some of my friends have gotten married through your program,
but guess what?
It didn't work for me, Jackie.
And yet I know for a fact that this person was in and out
and yet I know for a fact that this person was in and out,
they just were here briefly and then they were gone.
They didn't stay in, they didn't press in.
And they also live in a place
where there is a huge amount.
In fact, I would dare to say the largest amount
of Christian singles live in Redding, California.
The largest amount of Bible-believing, spirit-filled,
eligible Christian singles live in a place
called Redding, California.
You guys, this is a very small town.
It's a very little town.
And you either go to the mega church that's there,
Bethel Redding.
You either go to that church
when you live in this little town, work at that church,
or you completely don't like that church.
There's like three groups of people.
There are the people that work at that church
or go to that church.
And then there's the people that don't like that church
because it's taken over their little town, you know?
And it's not a bad thing.
Redding's an amazing place.
I love visiting there.
I love the town.
I love all the little shops that are all over the town
that are owned by believers.
It's kind of like an experiment of what it would look like
for the kingdom to take over an entire town.
But what I do know about Redding,
because I have a single city there
and I've worked with singles there for over five years,
and I've had a handful of success stories there.
I've even match made some people there,
but here's what I know about this,
is that out of all the other cities
and all the other states in the United States of America,
per capita, I would venture,
and I would bet that there are more eligible
Christian men and women that are not married
in that place than anywhere else,
even though the population's a lot smaller.
Just eligible, Bible-believing,
spirit-filled single men and women.
Because there are so many of them, remember,
because of this megachurch and all the people
that come there to go to this ministry school
called Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry.
And a lot of people go there to go to school,
but then they don't leave.
They go there and they stay there.
And so here is the advice that I gave her,
and I don't know if she saw it,
and I don't know if she likes it or doesn't like it,
but I said, here's one thing that I do
to help my people have success.
And I know that I'm not your coach anymore,
and I know that you're not in my program,
but I'm gonna go ahead and give you a freebie,
and that's get the heck out of this city.
Get out of here.
Why?
Because when you have that many
Christian singles concentrated,
but you only have this amount of marriages,
something's not jiving.
Am I wrong?
One plus one is not equaling two.
Something is missing, and I'll tell you what it is.
A lot of people have these really twisted
and warped mindsets about what it is to date.
And I went after this today,
and that's why I invited phase two to come here,
because this is a hill that I'm willing to die on,
and that is eradicating religion from our love lives,
eradicating the stuff that has us stuck.
I will tell you, nine out of 10 times,
the Christian singles that I work with
are stuck because of some bad theology and teaching,
some assumptions about the Bible
that are being taught as theology now.
That is what has them stuck, and I don't like it.
I can get up on a soapbox every day of the week
and twice on Sundays to talk about this,
because I believe that this is what has
a lot of people stuck, not just in their love lives,
but in all kinds of areas in their life,
and I am committed to bringing the kingdom.
I'm committed to bringing the kingdom of God.
So this poor unsuspecting girl today on Instagram
who has a lot of followers, over 200,000 followers,
and she's young, I would guess she's probably
in her early 30s, and she's been married for a year,
and she's already having a baby,
and she made a video, unbeknownst to her,
that was going to be sent to me.
And I was going to make a response to it because it literally irritated my heart that much.
It grieved me that much because it was all about how she hears all these people giving Christians
advice to get on Christian dating apps or to put themselves out there or to meet multiple people.
And she thinks that that's terrible. She thinks that that's, that's making marriage an idol.
She thinks that, you know, um, if God wants you married, you need to just be on mission,
just serving him. And he'll just drop someone into your stratosphere. Just all of the things
that I am just fundamentally completely opposed to that are not biblical at all.
But then she makes the mistake of going on to say that nowhere in the Bible,
does God tell a man or a woman to go pursue marriage? What?
Excuse me. And then she uses Adam as an example. Well, first of all, y'all,
he didn't pursue Eve because she wasn't created yet.
I guarantee if she was just walking around the garden with her God,
his self that he'd be after her like white on rice, but that's not the case.
God said that there was a missing piece of his plan and he created her to fill it, which was
marriage. And then we can't huge you guys. We can't use all the other marriages in the Bible
as a litmus test of what we should be doing in the year 2026. It doesn't age. Well, guys,
the Bible doesn't age well. All right. As far as culturally and socially, it doesn't age. Well,
yes, I believe it's the, it's the, um, it's the word of God. I believe that it's the inspired
word of God, but the social constructs, they don't age. Well, do they? They don't age. Well,
women were considered possessions because of the fall in the curse. Women were not treated that
well in our patriarchal day. Were they? No, they weren't. Did women have a choice of who they were
going to marry? No, they didn't. Your family was making transactions for you. And so all the
examples that she was using Isaac, you know, Oh, you know, was divinely led to his wife. Well,
first of all, his father sent out a servant to go find the wife for Isaac. But second of all,
he married his cousin. Jacob married his cousin cousins. He married two cousins that were sisters
talk about not good ideas. Um, you know, uh, what's his face. Abraham was married to his niece.
He was married to his mother's brother's daughter. You guys, these are problems because these are
arranged marriages. We cannot be charting our course based on the marriage models in the Bible.
They don't translate. Do you hear me? They don't translate. And don't even get me started on Boaz
and Ruth Ruth. Look, there was never a woman that pursued a man as hard as Ruth pursued Boaz.
She pursued him. If you see anything else in that story, then you're reading that story wrong.
And look, friends, that story could have gone one or two ways. The threshing floor, by the way,
was kind of the after party after harvest. The men went into the threshing floor and they got
drunk. There was there's prostitutes in there. Did you guys know that threshing floor was
considered a promiscuous place at times she went in there and while he was drunk, passed out from
drinking after the harvest. Yeah, this was Boaz. She uncovered his feet as if something was going
on and put herself at them. Naomi told her to do this. Why? Because they were trying to trap this
man. And if he was a man of integrity, then he was going to do the right thing by her, which was
cover her shame and marry her, even though she was a foreigner. And if he wasn't going to do the
right thing, it's a good thing he woke up and decided to do the right thing. He woke up and was
like, okay, you're young. You chosen me instead of trying to go after a younger man. You're smart
because I'm a sugar daddy. Okay. I'm going to go ahead and cover you. I'm going to go ahead and
marry you continue the lineage of your former husband. Right. But that could have gone really
wrong at the worst. She would have been shamed. She probably would have been kicked out because
remember she didn't have a social safety net. She was a foreigner. People were already suspicious of
her. She was a mobile bite. So you guys, if we want to put it in practical modern terms, you can
really look at the story and say that it's a story of survival. It's not a love story. It's not a
love story. You guys, there's nothing romantic about that story, please. There's nothing romantic
about it. If you see romance there, I want my Boaz. No, it's not a romantic story. It's a story of
survival. Naomi and Ruth, they needed a champion. They needed a Kinsman redeemer. They decided on
Boaz because he was kind. He was already showing favor to Ruth because he felt
sorry for her, letting her glean in his fields.
And so they decided to go after him.
You guys, they went after him.
They went after him.
So very, very important that we don't just allow people
to throw the Bible at us and tell us,
oh, the Bible doesn't say anything about dating.
Of course not.
Everyone was in arranged marriages.
They were fricking marrying their family members.
Do any of you want to marry your first or second cousin?
By the way, until like later in Leviticus,
it wasn't even illegal under the law
to marry your own daughter.
It wasn't even illegal under the law
to marry your own full-blooded sister.
It became illegal under the law later.
And then you could only marry your cousins
and nieces and nephews,
but you could not marry your siblings or your parents.
Does anyone else want to gag right now?
Okay.
So, please do not use the Bible
as a manual for your love life.
God didn't need to talk about dating
just like he didn't need to talk about all the things
that are happening in our modern age.
These are modern problems, you guys.
They're not mentioned in the Bible
because that was not a modern society.
The problems that they had about,
you stole my cow, that was my cow.
Nope, that was my cow.
Well, I rolled over and suffocated my baby
and she said it was her baby, but it's really my baby.
You guys, these are the problems these folks had.
We have different problems.
We have problems that people don't stay
in their families anymore.
They move way across the world from their families.
They're not part of tribal communities.
Nobody knows anyone.
We have eight plus billion strangers on the earth
that now we're supposed to pick a partner from.
I would submit to you that dating
is actually a part of God's protection plan for you
because if you go and sit in a waiting room
like this young woman is telling you to do
and then someone comes along, you're gonna be like,
oh, I was waiting, so this must be him or this must be her.
And a lot of times people marry those people
on the signs instead of on wisdom
and it turns out really badly, doesn't it?
So please date people.
Please get to know them.
Please do your due diligence.
Don't let anyone tell you that dating's not biblical.
It is biblical for a modern age.
It's 100% biblical.
And if we're gonna go back into tribunal communities
where we have arranged marriages, great,
but we're not going to.
So now we gotta do something different.
And my book, Modern Dating Sucks
is gonna talk about all of this.
And I hope that you didn't get,
if you didn't get a copy, get a copy.
We're a few weeks behind distribution,
but hopefully we'll have our first copies out
around Valentine's Day or the next week.
For those of you that have signed up,
you still get all those bonuses.
And for 25 bucks for all of that, that's a good deal.
That's a good deal.
You know, that just reminded me of,
that reminded me of my friend
and she was teaching her little boy not to say bad words.
And when I say bad words, I mean things like butt and fart
and things that little boys just wanna say
for whatever reason.
So she was telling him all of the things
that he wasn't allowed to say.
And when David and I went to visit them
because they were pastors
and we were speaking at their church,
he was, I don't know, probably about five years old.
And he came up to us proudly and said,
butt.
And then he said, that's a bad wood.
And then he said, fart.
And he said, that's a bad wood.
He literally repeated all the words to us
just to let us know that that's a bad wood.
And his mom was like,
he really just wanted to say those words so bad
that he found a loophole.
He found a loophole in which he could say all the bad words.
Dummy head, that's a bad wood.
All right, so friends,
people always find a way around anything
and do whatever they want anyway.
But I hope that you guys go and check out
that video on Instagram.
Please leave a comment.
Please support this deconstruction process of religion
in our love lives that I'm trying to spearhead.
And then go watch that, her video in its entirety.
It's the one that the static picture is a pregnancy test
on an ultrasound picture.
I think it's at the very top of her profile.
And I tagged her profile.
Not to hate on her, y'all.
We're not hating on her.
She's young.
This is what she believes.
But at the same time, it's dangerous teaching
because it's gonna keep a lot of people stuck
if they believe her, okay?
So comment on my stuff, not hers.
Do not come at her.
If you are someone that's in my program,
please do not come at her or anybody else
that's talking about stuff that we know is not fully correct.
All you have to do is just send me the video.
One of you guys sent me this video to begin with.
DM me a video if you want me to make a response to it.
Say, hey Jackie, I hate this video.
It really irks me.
I would love to see a kingdom response.
Cause I wasn't mean guys. I didn't throw any shade at her. I just said, Hey, this is my
take on this. All right, cool. All right. Let's get to love seeding. Anybody having
fun yet? I'm having fun. All right. Oh, oh, oh. So back to the person that was just like,
well, you always talk about their 1600 plus success stories, but you know, maybe you should
talk about all of the people that have, you know, that haven't been successful. Well,
I just want to let you guys know that year to not year to date, but to date, I know that
she probably thinks this, and this is how I responded to her. I was like, Hey, I know
you probably think that tens of thousands of people have taken my program. And I wish
that was true because God has given us the ability to become supernaturally successful.
And I believe that people that come in here, it's not about when I'm sorry, it's not about
if it's just about when I believe that they continue to let God address where they might
be stuck, not where they're wrong, not where they're bad, but where they might be stuck.
Like these religious blind spots that I'm talking about right now, they can go forward
into a partnership. My core belief for this entire program is if you want a love story,
you can have one and not just a human love story, but this love story and this love story
and breakthrough and all the other areas of your life are the cherry on top. So I said,
you know, I know you probably think that, uh, this is false advertising because I've
had tens of thousands of students, but only 1600 plus of them have been successful. Well,
my husband just handed me this piece of paper because I told her, I think I've only had
to date maybe 6,000 students and their number is 5,801. So as you can see, those margins
are actually pretty good and they're better margins. I mean, already 1600 plus success
story, 1600 plus people engaged or married is already more success than anybody else
in this Christian space. Okay. And maybe even in the secular space. So I'm just telling
you, we give God all the glory. We know that he has graced us. He has blessed us and we're
not going to back down. We're going to keep pushing forward. We're going to champion you
guys. We're going to go after all these sacred cows and we're going to put them to the sword
and we're just going to keep going forward. Okay. So that's that. All right. That is that.
Oh, by the way, you guys, I just want to let you know that I know we make fun of arc.
I know we make fun of it. Let me actually, Hey, Hey, call Reagan and see if that got
put up in the resources yet. I was going to make an announcement. I'm going to wait and see.
I'll I'll put a pin in that. Somebody remind me about what I need to say about
arc and what I was calling the community night at the prison. Okay.
Community night at the local prison. Okay.
Okay. Ask if that can happen before the end of my broadcast.
Okay. Justin phase two and three and the men's. Okay. All right. You guys,
I will make that announcement a little while. Okay. All right. Y'all let's do this. Let's do
no. Yes. Senia. It's fine. It's fine, honey. No, just wait until I'm going to,
I'm going to finish the statement, but I'm not going to finish it until the end of the broadcast.
David, if you need to help, then you help. Okay. All right. Let's do it. Let's do it.
All right. I'm going to look and see if you guys, okay. So for those of you that are in VIP
community, those of you that are visiting and getting a sneak peek in phase two, we'll see
you when you get to VIP community. But for those of you that are in VIP community, you can always
put in the post that gets put up before ask Jackie, that you want to be in the love seat
and you want to ask questions. Okay. And then you guys, we do, we'll do a lightning round and anyone
who wants to ask questions can. All right. You guys no more talk about the arc. We're going to
focus right now. And we're talking about the arc at the end. Okay. All right. Let's do it.
All right. Sophie, Sophie, are you here? Fallen wider, fallen wider, fallen wider. You here girl.
Sophie, Sophie, Sophie, anyone? Okay. Moving on. Pamela, Liz, Pam petite. Are you here?
Yep. I'm here. All right, girl. Hold on. We're going to spotlight you. And there she is. And I
have known you and we know each other and I'm going to get spotlighted too. And there we are
together. Okay. So let me just read this real quick. One year ago, Pam met a man.
He had more than a year ago.
One year ago.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's probably about a year and a half ago.
Okay.
And he had two of the three M's everyone.
And those of you that are in VIP community,
you know that the three M's are mature,
masculine and marriage minded,
but he was only looking for casual at the time.
So I'm assuming he was masculine and mature,
but not marriage minded.
He just didn't want marriage.
Then he had been married 42 years and was now divorced.
And so we parted ways.
Now he texted you Saturday asking if he could call you, you chatted.
And then he drove two hours to meet you for lunch and chat.
Now he has the third M now he's marriage minded.
You had a great conversation.
You talk about what was important to each of you going forward and what
that would look like.
You said that you need it to be communicating regularly.
Since you are just a few hours apart, you would need to be intentional.
He told you he's going to counseling to work through his past stuff.
You're excited, but you're not sure how to proceed.
His main concern is the distance and not wanting to choose wrong.
He is 69. You are 65.
You said that you are both aligned spiritually and both active,
enjoy some of the same things. How long ago was this meetup?
With, with him Sunday, Sunday. Okay.
Like it's like two days, two days ago.
Like out of the, out of the blue, like we've gone on lots of,
lots of dates. He's he's driven up, called me. He's going to be in town.
We've gone for dinner. We've gone golfing. We've gone to church together.
And then before this,
the last time we went out for dinner, I just kind of said like, you know,
we'd been seeing each other and it was long.
Like we could go, he could go several weeks before I heard from him.
Long stretches. And I just asked him where he was at.
And that's when he told me he did want marriage,
but he had to sort some things out. And I just said, well,
I'm looking to date for marriage.
And so that was that Sunday or Saturday, like this past Saturday.
So January 31st, he texted me, asked if he could call, he called,
we chatted.
I have a question when you said, Hey, I want to be married.
I want to be married and I'm dating for marriage.
And then you guys stopped talking.
How long did you stop talking for before he reached out and said, Hey,
let's get together.
Probably about 10 months. Okay. Keep going. Yeah.
Yeah. Out of the blue. And he, yeah, he just said that he,
when we met and,
and had lunch that that he was ready now that he sort of similar
situation, but we weren't broke up for 10 months.
So a lot of people don't know this,
but David and I were liking each other and just like she's talking about,
he was mature. He was masculine, but just like,
she's talking about this man. He had been married for 15 years.
His wife had left. It was abrupt, you know? Yes.
It had been two years since she left, but he was still healing from it.
And I would be the very first person that he dated after his divorce,
two years before he met me. Okay.
So I'm going to go ahead and get the math in your head. All right.
So we were having fun. There was a lot of chemistry.
There was a lot of compatibility. We were just friends.
And then we turned romantic. And as soon as it turned romantic ish.
That's when he disappeared. He ghosted me. He was my next door neighbor.
So of course I know where you live, bro.
But there was, there was a lull in communication where he,
and he was up front with me.
He told me when I kind of cornered him,
Cause he just stopped responding.
And then I cornered him in his driveway since he did live next door.
That was very convenient. And I just said, what, what the heck's going on?
And he was just like, I'm not ready for this.
Like I'm not ready for like a serious situation. Okay.
So.
When he circled back around, which he did, just like this guy is doing.
The one thing that I had already said in my heart, because when that
happened, that really hurt me. And I was just like, you know,
I don't know what to do.
I thought that this was a God thing. I was really excited about it.
I couldn't see us getting married. In fact,
we had already kind of talked about that a little bit, you know,
but the bottom line is, is that.
I just, I, I released him to the Lord in the time between when he said
that to me and the time when he circled back around.
And.
I will say this.
When he did circle back around, I immediately was like,
in my heart, I was like, okay, if we're going to do this again,
something has to be very different.
Right.
Like I already knew he was a quality guy.
And I'm assuming that you think this man's a really quality guy. Okay.
Yeah.
I said to him, I just want to let you know, I said to him, okay.
Where is this going?
Because I'm a single mom.
Okay?
I want him.
Not okay.
Where is this going?
Um, and I'm nobody's girlfriend.
And that's when he told me I already bought the ring.
So in his little time of kind of introspection and doing whatever he was
doing, he knew that he did want to move forward and he wanted to move forward
with me.
And so I needed that level of intention in order to get back together with him
again, cause I wasn't going to go back and forth.
I wasn't going to have my heart broken.
Um, and I was not that healthy.
I wasn't as healthy as I am now.
And I just really wasn't going to have my heart broken.
So Pam, we gotta be very intentional about where this is going.
You guys are old enough to know better.
Like I said to him, like if, uh, he kind of left it that, um, like, like our
conversation, he, he, we were fine.
And he just said, um, and I told him like, it's, it's two, two and a half hours.
So he's a little concerned.
And I said, that doesn't, you know, the distance doesn't bother me.
And, um, if I had to move to live where he lives, I was perfectly open
cause God's already said, I, you know, if I move, I move.
Um, but I just said to him like the communicate, he can't go long
stretches with no communication.
Um, it has to, I, you know, intentional moving forward and that, you know, we
chat on the phone, if it went for a chunk where we couldn't meet that, you know,
we would be needing to do like a FaceTime or a video so that we could stay, uh,
connected and he just kind of left it that, um, you know, he's well, you know,
I'm 69, I don't want to make, you know, I don't want to make a mistake.
Okay.
So let me ask you a question.
He's 69.
Is he retired?
Uh, he still works.
Um, he's fairly, huh?
Do you still work?
I still work part-time.
Yep.
Okay.
Part-time in a career or just part-time at a part-time job?
Uh, I teach math.
All right.
And is that, so what I'm trying to get at is that in order for you to go forward
with this guy, I think that pretty soon in the very near future, because you, like
you said, you guys had already hung out for a long time.
You guys have already dated, you guys have already done all the things, you
know, that you really like him.
You guys know you're compatible.
You know, you're, you know, have chemistry.
The next step has to be who's going to move now.
I'm not saying you move, but I'm saying if you've decided that you're going to
move, then you need to make plans to go and spend some time up where he lives.
You know, you need to do some life together day in and day out.
So whether you do that on a break from school, I know spring break is coming up.
There's different, like you need to, and the thing, and does he have community?
Does he have friends?
Does he have family?
Does he have church where he lives?
Okay.
Someone can put you up.
You don't have to spend a lot of money doing this.
Somebody can put you up in order for you guys to spend a daily time together.
Not
because I've got, um, the school that I'm in, uh, not next week, the following
week, I have a week off.
I have two weeks off at spring break.
Um, his daughter lives here.
His son probably lives 10 minutes from me.
Okay.
But, but can he take off work?
You can for sure.
Can he, he can.
Um, I think so.
Okay.
Yeah.
Can he take weeks off of work?
Probably not.
Okay.
So you need to get put up by someone up there that, that, and the other question
that I have is that what kind of job does he have?
Does he need to have it?
Because it sounds like there's more people for both of you where
you live than where he lives.
Yeah.
Um, yeah, I think there's some triggering there.
Um, because his ex, his ex wife wanted to move to Calgary, um, to
be closer to the grandchildren.
Um, they put the house up for sale.
And as soon as the sale went through, she served him with divorce papers.
That sucks.
Yeah.
And how long ago was his divorce?
Uh, four years ago.
Now divorcing someone after 42 years is pretty serious.
Do you know why she divorced him?
Uh, mental health issues on her part.
And you, and you think that that's for sure accurate?
Uh, yeah, I do.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, I would go spend some quality time with him, especially
since she'll be off already.
There's gotta be someone in his community that can put you up so it
doesn't have to be expensive for you.
Um, that is, to me, that would be your next, next logical step.
Your next logical step would be to, to spend more, you know, quality.
Without breaks time together.
You guys, anybody can put their best foot forward, long distance.
I'm just going to tell you that they can.
It's really important for us to get to know people over the course of time.
You'd be surprised, especially if we're God defended and we're allowing God to show us
what we need to see when we need to see it.
You'd be, you'd be surprised at what people will show you just spending an uninterrupted
week with them.
It doesn't even have to be weeks and weeks and weeks, and I'm not saying she's going
to find out something bad.
I'm just saying, she's going to see whether or not they really are compatible if she's
able to do that.
And if, if they are compatible and she spends some time up here next week and then on spring
break, she spends more time up there, then there isn't any reason she's just semi-retired
part-time teacher that she doesn't just transfer what she does up to there.
Who has the better house?
Probably him.
Well, there you go.
Come on.
All right.
You got, you have to spend uninterrupted, like, you know, you gotta go, you gotta go,
you gotta go spend some time up there.
Where is it by the way?
Where's up there?
Lethbridge.
So it's actually South of Calgary.
Okay.
So, so is it warmer?
In the summer?
Yeah.
It's windy.
Like a hundred kilometer an hour winds down there, but okay.
The drive back and forth is absolutely winds.
Yeah.
It blows semi-trucks over.
Too many.
They're trying to get me.
The sugar daddies are trying to get me.
The sugar daddies are trying to get you, Kalandra?
What are we doing?
That's not me.
No.
And it's, I mean, it's, it's an easy drive.
Like it's an easy two hour drive.
It is not difficult.
I love it.
So look.
So what do you think?
You want to give that a shot?
Yep.
I think being cautiously optimistic is exactly accurate.
I'm, I'm, I'm kind of excited for you.
I just want to see where this goes and I want you to, I want, I feel like you've been given
an assignment to walk out to see where it goes.
Yeah.
No, that's good.
He circled back in 10 months because he had new information.
Yeah.
Well, cause we had the talk before, like, this is what I'm looking for.
If that's not you, um, I totally out of the blue did not expect a call from him at all.
Because you weren't being manipulative when you let go, you were letting go because he
hit a non-negotiable of yours.
You want to be married and you let go and you gave it to God friends.
This is a true definition of full circle, whether or not they're going to get married.
We don't know yet, but we do know that this is a true full circle moment because she totally
released it to the Lord.
She didn't compromise.
And he also released it.
He was gone for 10 months.
And in the, in the meantime, he was like, you know what, I really, I really like her.
I sneezed, but I hit the thing in time.
Okay.
Thank you.
Um, so that's a full circle moment when there's a, there's, there's added information where
there's a change of heart, where there's inner work that's been done.
It's good.
I like it.
Okay.
Make sure you keep us posted.
Okay.
Thank you.
Okay.
Thank you.
Keep us posted.
All right.
Um, all right.
You guys.
Whew.
That was a sneeze.
All right.
Okay.
Um, I can now officially announce this.
And so I deleted the comments cause I didn't want to give, give away, give away the punch
line.
Um, it's not a joke, but just give away the, the, the thing that I was waiting to say.
And that is, even though we make fun of arc, we actually have had a success story there.
So one of our OGs, Maggie day, uh, may Maggie day.
Hey, Sue.
She's a, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a,
she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a,
are, are, are, are, are, are a, are, are a little with people.
They've gone.
One of my favorite students, she actually met her current serious boyfriend on of all
places arc.
And you guys, if this doesn't prove that you can meet someone anywhere, then I really don't
know what could prove it seriously though.
And so we are going to go ahead and participate with them in their Valentine's speed dating
event.
So go ahead and go to your resources, phase two and VIP community in your resource tab
on the app men, you as well.
You will see a link to join this Valentine's speed dating event.
I suggest you do it because as Maggie has proven to all of us, God knows who you are.
He knows where you are.
He knows what you need and he knows how to get it to you.
Even if it's something crazy like a dating app, right, right.
Okay.
So go click on that link.
It doesn't cost you any money.
Go ahead and join the speed dating event.
You literally have nothing to lose, nothing, nothing you're like, but Jackie, what if I
deleted the app before?
Can I still click the link and join the speed dating event?
A hundred percent.
It may, it'll have you download the app again, but once again, there's no skin in the game.
You're not paying anything.
It's free.
Okay.
Go ahead and go do it.
If you already have the app,
you can go ahead and click on the link.
I'm not really sure what will happen.
You'll get access to the speed dating event.
You already have the app.
You'll probably have to log in.
You'll have to log into your app.
Okay, cool, Leo.
Good.
All right, so I wanted to announce that.
Let's go to the next.
You guys, I'm a little hyped up tonight
because of out there with my swords
slaying sacred cows today.
All right, is Sophie here now?
Sophie, are you here?
Yeah, I don't think Sophie was able to make it.
She said, after all, she was out of town.
Oh, well, thank you.
Okay.
I appreciate that information, whoever that was.
Yamina.
Oh, Yamina, I love you.
I should recognize your voice.
Okay, Kelly Gallagher.
Here's an OG, an OG VIP.
Are you here, Kelly?
I am.
Can you hear me?
I can.
Okay, I'm gonna spotlight you
and I'm gonna spotlight me again.
Here we are.
Hi, Jackie.
Hi, how are you, beautiful lady?
I'm doing wonderful.
How are you?
I'm doing good.
Is that a Christmas tree?
Yes.
Oh, my, my.
Okay, you guys, I ripped my Christmas tree down so fast.
I cannot wait to put it away.
I can't wait to put it up
and then I cannot wait to put it away.
All right, so Kelly wants to talk about her picky picker.
Okay.
She's being pursued by a man
that she has known for six to seven years.
You guys, I'm seeing a lot of this.
I'm seeing a lot of people, you know,
just kind of noticing the people
that are in proximity to them,
people they've known for a long time,
and then all of a sudden something has shifted and changed.
Okay.
When you initially met him,
he was in the throes of a marriage breaking up
and hoping it could be mended.
So he was believing for the restoration of his marriage
when you first met him.
You met through mutual friends
in your hometown of New Orleans,
which is where he still lives.
That's funny,
because you know that I've been trying
to get you back to New Orleans a lot for some reason.
That's been in my heart.
Okay.
So he definitely has all three Ms.
That's great.
He's generous.
He has a great job.
He has a great income.
He can work from anywhere.
He has two grown daughters, two grandchildren.
He's active into health and fitness.
Those are all things that are important to Kelly
because you don't know Kelly, but I do.
She wants to do ministry.
So she needs someone with a great income
because she really has,
she's always supported herself.
She's a nurse.
She's a nurse, you know, a nurse teacher,
an educator in the nursing field.
And she has kind of semi-retired from that
but felt called to ministry.
So that's important.
Family's super important to her.
He's active in health and fitness,
also super important to her.
Holy spirit filled Christian,
no scripture, super important to her.
He loves to travel,
has invited her to go with him to Italy in August,
also super important to her.
He has the same goal for purity, super important.
He's politically conservative, also important.
Things that she doesn't love.
So you guys just saw all of the beautiful,
great things about him that she loves
and are also really in alignment with who Kelly is
because I know her.
Here are the things that she doesn't love.
He talks nonstop.
We don't have dialogues.
We have monologues from him.
Even when she tries to interject,
he doesn't acknowledge what she says.
He immediately resorts to what he was saying.
Can I ask how old he is real quick?
He will be 70 this month.
Okay.
All right.
He tells stories he probably shouldn't be repeating.
They aren't life-giving.
They're about past relationships,
women who still want him now, et cetera.
Many of his stories you've heard over and over again.
He uses profanity when telling these stories.
He always apologizes for talking 30 to 45 minutes
without taking a breath,
but he continues to do it over and over again.
Oh, Kelly, I love you so much.
And it sounds like such an exciting thing,
but these are all like really, really serious flags.
I know we don't want them to be.
This is not your picky picker, honey.
This is discernment.
Okay.
So first and foremost, what I want to say is that
there's a lot of people, but it's mostly men.
There's mostly men who,
like there's a lot of people who talk a lot
and are talkers.
I'm a talker, but I also know when to stop
and when to listen.
I know how to have conversation.
When you run into someone who just monologues,
my father-in-law does this, bless his heart.
We've all heard all the stories a thousand times over,
but he also has the beginnings of dementia.
It's not a normal type of dementia,
like where he's just forgetting things.
It's just like a type of dementia
I'd never heard of before,
where people have no self-awareness.
And this has been getting worse and worse.
worse and worse. He's now 85, but he probably started doing this around this man's age.
So that's one thing to look out for. I'm not saying that he's headed towards dementia,
but when people, my father-in-law always knew he was doing it, but he couldn't stop himself.
And when that happens, you got to take a deeper look at that. Okay. That's number one. Number
two, the content of his oversharing. You know, I know you're a pretty woman. You really are
beautiful on the inside and outside. So I don't know if this is insecurity of his wife
that didn't want him. It sounds like he tried to save the marriage. She didn't want to restore
the marriage. I don't know if now he has this inferiority complex where he just wants to
make sure that, you know, that he has options and other people want him, you know, if that's
the case, he needs to do a whole bunch of hard work, right? Yes. And we want him to
do that. Now, does this mean that he's an absolute hundred percent? No, but what would
need to happen next is you would need to bring correction to this behavior in a loving way
and just say, Hey, I really like you. Here's all the things that I really love about you
and love about getting to know you, but I don't feel heard. I feel like you talk over me. I don't
feel like we're having conversations. And I also do not like, um, the content of the
conversations it's offensive to me. Um, it's in my opinion, you know, not appropriate for
a Christian man. And you have to find a way to really say that with the help of Holy spirit.
And then his reaction to that will be very important. If he's like, Oh, I can work on
this. And then if he works on it, then we can continue to talk about what that looks like. If
he says he will work on it, but he doesn't, then you have your answer. And if he gets
offended and storms away or doesn't talk to you or goes to you or hangs up on you or calls
you names or says you're this or that, then you also have your answer.
I think you have your answer.
Have you tried yet?
No, I haven't. And, um, I mean, I even suggested because I've told him several times when I
was going to get on your zooms, like supernatural Saturdays and, and he's like, well, I could
use some dating advice. And I thought, yes, you could. And so I sent him the link to join
the men's community because I thought, wow, this would be awesome. Um, but you know, I
realized that he's had, he's been shot down in, in relationships just as I have been. And so I
was looking for a kind way to talk to him about, you know, I mean, I feel like he really
doesn't know much about me. He, he is in pursuit of a wife right now. And I am the best
candidate I think that he can find currently. So it's, it's like, he just talks and talks
about what he wants and he, you know, I'll try to stick some information in there, but
he's not open to really listening.
You didn't list out all this stuff in the good things, then I would say, okay, you know,
it's a bless some, you know, it's, it's a, you know, just yes until it's no. And it's a no,
but because of all the good things you've listed, you know, I want you to at least have a
conversation with him and say, Hey, I'm really excited to get to know you again. You know,
even though we've known each other for six to seven years, it's, you know, it's, I I'm
enjoying getting to know things about you now and where you are now. Um, but here are the
things that if we're going to continue to get to know each other need to change.
And you can, you don't have to be worried about it because if he's, if, if, if this is
your guy and this is just like him over talking insecure, all the things, and he's willing
to work on that, then he's willing to work on it. And all of that other good stuff about
him kind of neutralizes it. But if he isn't willing to work on it and he doesn't see it,
or he gets offended at you, then also you get to move forward and move on.
Thank you.
Oh, goodness. I have the sneezes. All right. Are you able to do this? I know you're so sweet.
You're like a Southern bell, but you gotta, you gotta, you gotta do this.
Yes. I I'm going to see him at the end of February actually for his 70th birthday. So
we'll spend some time together. We're going to a Christian concert together
and I'll have time to talk to him face to face. Cause I feel like that would be easier.
Oh, this is all happening over the phone. Yeah. Cause we, yeah, we, we haven't.
in each other face to face in a while.
All right, let's see what happens when you guys are,
here's the thing.
I actually would love for you to say this
on the next phone conversation very gently and kindly
and see if that behavior switches before you get in person.
Okay.
Okay, I don't want you to wait until you're in person.
Okay.
Because here's the thing,
if he goes ahead and shifts this behavior,
because he is insecure and because he is nervous
and because he is trying to impress you,
if he does that,
then you're gonna have a much better time in person
at the end of February.
But if you allow him to continue this
and then it continues in person,
you're gonna be like,
hey, I gotta go to the bathroom
and you're gonna go to the bathroom
and then you're gonna like take an Uber
and go to the airport.
At least that's what I would do.
Okay, so you definitely want to do that now, okay?
Okay.
All right, please keep us posted.
This is an exciting story that we wanna know more about.
All right, thank you.
All right, we love Kelly.
She is great.
And if we have any men on here tonight
that wanna meet any of these ladies
that are asking questions,
remember all's fair in love and war
and none of these ladies are married yet.
All right.
Okay, guys.
I'm trying to see.
All right, for those of you that were asking
where the Arc thing is,
it's in the resource tab of your app group.
So whatever app group you're in, that's where it is, okay?
All right.
You guys, I don't understand.
I took myself off AdSpotlight,
Hi, and then I took myself off AdSpotlight.
AdSpotlight, Hi, and then remove spotlight.
Okay, who's this that keeps getting spotlighted here?
Michelle.
I accidentally spotlighted you, baby.
All right.
She's like, wait, that was you.
That was you on the spotlight.
All right, floor's open.
Who's got questions?
I do.
You unmuted me, Michelle.
Oh, sure, go ahead.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So kind of similar, but different than the other one.
So I just started dating a guy.
We've been on three dates and I've been in the program.
I wanted to like even respond to,
I've been really pressing through.
I started in May, 2021.
Come on, girl, you can do it.
Finally, finally dating a guy named David,
but it's going very, very slow.
I knew him long, long time ago in the singles group.
And then I ran into him at a dance in December
and we went out December 20th.
And then again, January like 6th or 8th.
And then again, just last Sunday.
So it's three dates, very, very slow.
And in between there's no, and he lives local.
We're in the same Orange County, we're in the same,
but there's no real much text or no phone call in between.
And if you know the enneagram, I think he might be a five.
And even like mentioned like-
Wait, Michelle, how old is this man?
He's 65.
I'm 60, he's 65.
Okay.
I, you know, there's always exceptions to the rule,
but first of all, you know, we always joke around
and you guys, I want you to know
that we're not giving men passes.
All you guys that are on here,
you have to learn how to be better communicators.
And unfortunately we live in a time
when a lot of communication is electronic,
but this is the thing.
If you don't want to communicate electronically,
you don't want to text, call.
Okay, guys.
But Michelle, I'm just going to let you know
that this age group of men are historically the worst,
the worst at communicating outside of just being in person.
Well, that's how he's been.
And I've been kind of okay with it and kind of not.
And one time I said, hey, I'm free.
He reached out on text.
How was your week?
And I said, hey, I'm free this time and this time to talk.
And he just said, oh, well, traffic, this, this.
And he goes, can we go out?
And then he suggested a date
and we ended up going out that weekend, which was nice,
but there's like nothing in between.
Right, because there's not going to be.
You guys live close to each other?
Yeah, close enough.
During the week might be with the traffic,
we're maybe 30.
Yeah, this just, yeah.
He lives, he works clearly other directions.
So when he gets home and he goes to bed really early
because he gets up early for work.
So he doesn't listen.
He doesn't like to talk on the phone and you know,
and neither do I.
Okay, don't call me on the phone.
I don't want to talk to you.
I don't like to talk on the phone.
A lot of people don't like to talk on the phone.
So he doesn't like to talk on the phone.
Does that make him a terrible person?
No, but that's very obvious what's happening.
And you know how I know that you guys,
this is what, this is why you have to pay.
tension, not to just what people are not doing to but what to
their what they're doing. Michelle's like, hey, I'm free
to talk. And he's like, let's get together.
Which which I was kind of okay with. I guess what my question
is, it's been three days going very, very slow. At what point
do I like I want to give something back to him or
initiate or plan a date? What's that plan a date? Is that okay
at this point? Yes, it is. It's very much okay. So hey, do you
want to go do blah, blah, blah. Yeah, he's initiating. You know,
he's, you know, is he does he talk to you when you're in
person? Yeah, it's going very well. I have the more I see him.
I like him. I think the Lord is in it. Yeah, there's a lot of
good. A lot of good. I think it might be a five in the enneagram.
I think he's he even said once he's Yeah, I think he even said
wasn't our last day that he wasn't a good communicator.
I mean, you know, so many people I want you to I would like you
there's so many people that have their hands up right now because
they want they want to ask questions. So you folks leave
your hands up that everybody else be honest and raise your
hand if you would say you're not the greatest communicator. Let's
define this people text you you don't really text back you read
it but then you you forget to say something back to them.
That's me. I have so many text messages I haven't responded to
whether you have ADD or just not a good communicator. You don't
really like to talk on the phone. You know, it's just
really difficult for you to just sit on the phone for a long time
and talk to people but in person you don't mind talking to people
you like in person. You might get a little worn out if you're
in person too long just chit-chatting away, but see
there's plenty of people women included that have their hands
up saying yeah, I'm not the best communicator. Okay. All
right. Put your hands down. Put your hands down except for the
people that have questions. Everybody else put your hands
down. Now. I want you to raise your hand if you'd be honest and
say that like Kelly's guy. It's just hard to have a conversation
with you because you're not very self-aware and you have a
tendency to talk too much. Raise your hand. Be honest. Be
honest. It's okay. Someone's talking to you and you're just
forming what you want to say in your mind. You're not even
listening because you're just only two people raise their
hands and I'm going to call bullcrap on that.
All right, we got about five more honest honest people in the
house. Okay, and they're all women. So
and one guy Brandon. Thanks Brandon. Okay, put your hands
down. Okay. So Michelle sounds good so far. Yeah, I'm thankful.
I feel like the Lord's in it and like even that night I met
him. I felt like the Lord's saying I was going to meet
someone that night and I was at a dance. I didn't dance hardly
anyone. I saw him as I left. Yeah, I'm I'm encouraged. It's
I'm encouraged. It's just it's going very slow and I I yeah,
I don't even know quite what my question is but how long how
long ago did you meet him? Well, I knew him a long time ago
and then we ran into each other December 6th went out December
20th then January 6th or 8th that first weekend and then
again just last Sunday. So three dates within like two
months. Yeah, it just seems not even two months. Yeah. So what
do you think? Not bad. I think you met over the holidays.
Yeah, and he went out of town. He did. He went out of town for
I think it's pretty good. I think you're actually overthinking
it a little bit. Okay, just relax and I'm hoping he'll ask
me out for Valentine's Day. No, plan a date. Really? Ask him
out? Yeah, absolutely. For Valentine's? Well, I mean, you
don't have to do it on Valentine's. No, but I would
like to go out with him. You don't want him to feel like
he's got to get romantic and buy you a Valentine. Ladies.
Okay, let's just talk about this because Valentine's coming.
Everyone listen, please hear me. Valentine's is overrated.
Okay, it's ridiculous. It is a time for capitalism to flourish.
That's it. It's a time when men are feeling like they have to
spend all this money on romance. I will tell you right
now. David has never done anything really that special
for Valentine's. The restaurants are packed. You have
to make a reservation like months in advance. The flowers
are overpriced. I can't eat chocolate anymore because I
have menopause and it gives me heart palpitations. So I'm just
going to tell you right now.
Valentine's Day needs to happen every day,
meaning respecting and honoring one another,
loving each other, letting each other know how much you care.
That is an everyday situation.
And if you only get honored and celebrated once a year
or maybe twice on your birthday in Valentine's,
then that's not good.
It isn't.
OK?
Valentine's Day is for little kids,
little Valentines at school.
By the way, how many of us are traumatized by that?
How many of us did not get the cute card in our little bag
that we made by our crush?
In fact, they put something stupid.
You know how you bought those box of cards
and they gave us some dumb card?
We wanted them to be the one to give us
the card that says you're cute or whatever.
And then they gave us like the Spider-Man card
that was just like, hang in there.
And you're just like, in fact, I just
realized that was the first form of text messaging.
And we've been trying to decode men's text messages
all the way back to these dumb Valentine cards.
Like, what does it mean?
Hang in there?
Like what, you like me, but you just haven't told me yet?
I need to hang in there?
No.
He's talking about the web from Spidey's fingers
where he hangs in there.
That's all it means.
Doesn't mean anything else.
There's no secret code.
OK, so Valentine's Day has been traumatizing all of us.
Did you guys have the school, like in high school,
where people could, as the fundraiser,
buy you a carnation and then send it secretly
to your homeroom?
Did anyone have the carnation sales?
Seriously, what is this, masochism?
We're sitting in homeroom.
Everyone knows this is the day that they're finally
handing out the carnations that everyone's been secretly
buying during their lunch periods for the last month.
And of course, the popular girl in your class
gets 20 carnations, secret admirers, this, that, whatever,
this and that.
And you get none.
You get zero.
And they were different colors, white for friendship,
pink for I like you, red for I love you.
It's like, why?
Why?
Or the balloons, we didn't do balloons.
That would be even worse.
Carnations, at least you can, I mean, I gotta be honest.
I sent some to myself.
If I'm just being honest, I did.
I did, I just couldn't take it.
I couldn't take the rejection.
I know you guys think that I was probably a super popular girl
with the boys in high school, but I wasn't.
I didn't have any dates in high school.
Zero dates in high school.
I was not popular.
I looked a lot like olive oil
and there was no Popeye anywhere to be found.
So I did.
I bought myself some carnations.
And there you have it.
And I'd do it again.
I would do it again.
So you guys, Valentine's Day, please go have some fun,
get your girls together, do a Galentine's.
Guys, just be thankful if you're not
in a relationship right now
that you don't have all the pressure
to try to prove how amazing you are
on this ridiculous holiday, okay?
I mean, seriously, the holiday is a massacre.
St. Valentine, it's not a good thing.
It's not a good thing.
Yeah, I wasn't.
Well, okay, I said I wasn't popular
with the boys in high school.
Okay, I had some other popularity.
I had some other things going on.
I was a good athlete.
I was funny.
I just was really tall and that's that.
Okay, all right, you guys.
Please don't get yourself depressed over this.
Please raise your hand and be honest
if you started to get depressed about this.
So the answer to Michelle,
while you guys are raising your hand is,
don't ask him out on Valentine's Day.
Don't even mention Valentine's Day.
Just plan a date, okay?
That's it.
Seriously.
Maybe after Valentine's Day.
He's already planned three.
You can do it.
Yes, okay.
Should I wait till after Valentine's Day?
I mean, if you can get it in before Valentine's Day,
today's only the third.
Yeah, but we only have the weekends.
It'd be this weekend, the following weekends
is the Valentine's Day.
And then we've got the Super Bowl.
This weekend is not Valentine's Day.
No, no, no, I said we just have this weekend
and then next is?
It's only Tuesday.
Ask him if he wants to do something this weekend.
Okay.
Yeah, do it.
That way you're showing your interest.
He's already planned three dates.
You show your interest now.
And then do I, as far as paying, how do I,
do we split it?
Do I pay for it?
I mean, how, if I do-
I mean, what are you going to do?
You taking him to Ruth's Chris?
Are you going to take him to Ruth's Chris?
Bowling. Yeah. Just pay for whatever, whatever it is I initiate.
I mean, you can offer to, but he's probably not going to let you.
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But I live near Crystal Cove. I was thinking about getting like a picnic and
going by the beach and going for a walk and a picnic. It's beautiful there. Isn't it? Yeah.
Yeah. Okay. Just ask him to say, Hey, can I make a picnic for you? Would you like to go on a picnic
with me? No, that's good. Okay. Okay. Please report back. Okay. All right. All of you people
that raise your hand and you said that you're getting stressed out about Valentine's day,
stop it. And I can even hear in the spirit right now that someone is protesting in their heart.
I hear it. And you're saying, but I've never had a love at Valentine's day. I've never gotten
flowers for Valentine's day. No one's ever taken me out for Valentine's day. I hear you.
And God knows that's important to you. And that is in your future,
even if it's not in your future for this one. Okay.
Anna's cracking me up. Hey, boo, boo, let's go get some picnic baskets. You guys,
that just reminded me of my mom. My mom passed away today. I mean, six years ago, but today
and she used to say that all the time on a, so I feel like that's a little kiss from heaven.
She used to always say Yogi bear. She used to always do that voice.
Not today, Pamela, six years ago, but today. Thank you guys. Thank you guys. I appreciate it. Okay.
Enough about that. Cause I don't want to think about it. Aaron joy,
cross field. You have your hand up. What's up girl. I do. You posted something on Instagram
or a couple of days ago about, uh, men in their forties and fifties who've never chosen marriage.
They are actively choosing not marriage. Don't hold out your hope. And I am a woman in my mid
forties who has never chosen marriage and I'm healthier now, but I went and tripped over that
statement and hurt my own feelings on your post. And so I was hoping you could maybe
Talk to women about that perspective. I would love to. I I'm so glad you brought that up. Cause
of course I totally didn't remember that, but a lot of women have pushed back in that very way.
Like, Hey Jackie, I'm a 40 plus woman. Who's never been married. Like, am I a red flag?
You guys, first of all, men and women don't delay marriage for the same reasons.
Okay. It's not an interchangeable idea. And the reason why you guys there's a method to all of my
madness. And the reason why I made that specific post is because I am seeing a lot of women over
the age of 40, whether you've never been married or whether you're divorced and want to be remarried,
wasting their time with men who have no relationship history. They have no commitment
history. And unlike women, their reasonings for that are very different. Okay. There's of course,
exceptions to the rule. There's people that part of the, I kissed dating goodbye thing. And they
got all stuck in their heads with, you know, religious OCD. And I don't want to pick the
wrong woman. And they got all messed up, blah, blah, blah, but all you guys have to remember,
I have a front row seat to hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of case studies.
And the reason why I made that post is I want to help women to see very quickly, whether or not
this man is a professional bachelor or not. Okay. Because women have one thing in common.
They all think they're going to be the exception to his history of dodging marriage.
They think they're going to be the exception and they're not, they're not going to be the
they're not going to be the exception. Okay. They aren't. And so I don't want them to
get into this long drawn out situation ship where they're giving him all the things that
he's looking for, but they're not getting what they want in return.
Okay. Pam had this situation going on. She was with a guy that was mature and masculine. They
were having fun. You know, they were going out. Both of them were getting their little buckets
filled, but she wanted to be married and he didn't. But you know, what makes him different
than the men I'm talking about? He had been committed for 42 years to someone. So his
reasoning for delaying commitment again, was very different than someone who has
never pulled the trigger on commitment. You guys, I, I.
a lot of men that come and say that they want me to match make them. And you know, when I find out
that they've never ever had a girlfriend, cause remember, it's not about never being married.
They've never had a girlfriend. So right away, Aaron joy, you don't even fit this criteria.
Even if you were a man, you've been in relationships. You've been in long distance
relationships. You've put in the effort you've put in the work you've done the stuff.
Okay. The people that I'm talking about, and perhaps I need to be much more clear. It's hard
to be clear in 60 seconds. And that's how long you have on Instagram to make a real,
it's hard to be very, very clear. And it's not all encompassing. It's not kind of one size fits all,
but the people I'm talking about are usually male. There are some women out there like this,
but they're usually male. And they basically are what I call Peter pans.
And so when it comes to Peter pan, you have to either be a Wendy or a Tinkerbell.
And I'm saying, do not be a Tinkerbell Tinkerbell kept seeing, you know,
all the good things about Peter. And, you know, even though he's immature and he wasn't growing
up and he wasn't on, she was willing to fight for that and all the things. And Wendy was just like,
boy, bye, I'm going to go grow up. You can stay here with the lost boys. I mean,
come on y'all. The whole thing is a cautionary tale, right? By the way, I saw that mug in
Charleston. I saw Peter pan. I saw him everywhere I go. I see Peter pan. And I'm talking about a
drawing of the actual Peter pan, but it continues to remind me that there are people out there for
whatever reason that have not done the inner work and really do not want anyone depending on them.
And they do not want commitment period. So ladies, if you're over 40 years old and you have
never had a boyfriend, you have never been in a relationship. I want you to look at the deeper
reasons. Why have you been afraid? Have you had unrealistic expectations of what that was supposed
to look like and feel like. So you never let anyone get close. Do you have inner work that
you need to do? Cause I'm going to tell you right now, it's not been my experience that women delay
marriage for the same reasons as men. It's not cause they don't want commitment. It's often
because they're scared for their safety. And so I want to encourage you to heal, to allow God to
reveal and heal so that you can be open to whatever it is that God has. Okay. And Aaron, I've known you
for a long time. You're an OG in this community. You're a coach in this community. And I don't
consider you someone who has been avoiding commitment. I think that you've tried. And
that's the thing, the women that I, the women that I work with primarily, most of them have
given it the good college try. They put themselves out there. They've been on the apps. They've gone
on dates. They've done the things they prayed. They fasted. They've done the things to try to
do all the stuff that people say they should do in order to meet their husband. And for whatever
reason, it either hasn't happened or it happened. And then that person cut and run from it. Like,
you know, like they never made it to marriage, not because of them, but because maybe they saw
something that they needed to see, and then they couldn't go through with it or the other person
just broke it off and went on. So it is a very good question, Aaron. And unfortunately in that
soundbite video, there was no way for me to, um, put all of this in there,
but I am going to talk about this subject on my podcast. Just so you know, I'm going to talk about
the subject of people who are in the dating pool that have no business being there because
they are not interested in commitment.
Aaron. Thanks.
That's it.
That's all you got.
That's all I got.
No feedback.
No, I appreciate it. I, um, my feelings are not hurt.
Oh, good.
It is good to hear that the reasons men and women delay marriage are not parallel that way.
No, I mean, I don't know how much of your personal story you want people to know here,
but there's at least one relationship that you were in it to win it for a long time. Like you
did everything possible to try to make it work. That is true. I know I was there for it. So
it's good to know that you're willing to go the extra mile and friends. That's all anyone can
ever ask for any of us. If it's not a fit, it's not a fit. If it's not the right partner for,
for, you know, marriage.
bridge and hopefully we're learning something from them in the process.
I just talked to one of my former students the other day via DMS.
Um, she DM me about something on Instagram and she used to be in this
community and she used to date someone in this community and they dated for a
while. And then they parted ways. Cause it just really wasn't a good fit.
They tried to make it work. They really had a lot of grace for each other.
Um, they wanted to make it work at some level, but it just didn't work.
And guess what?
Both of them after they parted ways went into very serious relationships with
other people. And in fact, he's getting married very soon.
And she's not that far from, you know,
she's committed and she's not that far from success in that way too. So
it happens.
And that's why it's important that we're willing to be in commitments because a
lot of times commitments lead to future partnerships with other people.
Okay. All right. Let's get, let's get these other folks, uh, done Hilda.
Thank you, Aaron, for that question. It was a good one. What do we got Hilda?
I got about 15 more minutes ladies. So let's make it fast. Gentlemen. I don't,
I see you on here, but I don't see anyone asking questions.
So if you have one, raise your hand, Hilda.
Hi guys. So my question is, um,
pretty much like, am I psyching myself out?
So I've been talking to now for,
we've known each other since March and we've been official since late November
right before Thanksgiving.
And so my thing is like when he doesn't,
like he works, you know, he has a schedule. It's kind of like earlier,
you answered how guys are not the greatest texters. So that was my thing.
Like I've kind of been in my head and I've been bringing it to the Lord.
Like am I being emotional about it? Um,
he's consistent. He checks in like, you know,
before work and after work and we talk, um,
on the phone probably not everything.
How long have you been dating this guy?
Since late November. So like November 23rd,
we've made it official, but since March, we've been talking since March.
Okay. Have you let him know that you need a higher level of communication from
him? No, I haven't. Okay.
You guys dated. Is it a terrible texter?
He's actually really a bad communicator just in general. Okay. Um,
but he's a really bad at texting back, not just me, but the kids, our kids,
you know, and stuff. And I've just, I've told him, look,
I need you to improve this. You can't leave us on red. We need,
we need to know that you're listening. We need to know that you're responding.
A lot of times it's an important message. We need a response from it.
So do not be afraid to tell someone what you need, Hilda.
It's not going to be a deal breaker unless this is not the right person for you.
Right. So you need to let him know, don't demand it. Don't accuse,
but just say, Hey,
I really would love a higher level of response or
communication from you. Um, you know, like this is my love language.
Okay. Yeah, I can do that. I guess I can communicate too.
Yeah. You're allowed to ask for what you need and for what you want.
Ladies, the way that we go wrong with this is when we, when we accuse,
criticize, that's not how you do it.
You make it about you, not them. I need this.
This is important to me. Could you do this for me? That's what you do.
I use a soft tone. Men like soft tone.
It's, it's a soft tone. It's a gentle,
it's a gentle answer that turns away wrath. You want to show your femininity.
I will tell you that there's very little that a man will not do for you.
When you ask him nicely,
especially men that have, you know, the three M's. So.
Thank you, Jackie.
Yes. Thank you, Marie PA. What you got?
Hey Jackie. Um,
I have been in contact dating in person with
someone since mid November. Um, just came,
well we were together almost weekly until December 31st.
Then he went to Florida, um, for the winter.
And then I spent nine days with him in January and just came back from a three
day weekend with him. Wow. He,
he's been head over heels.
It's been a little hard for him to accept that my feelings haven't matched his
pace. Um, I care about him.
this last weekend was our first time together exclusive.
I did feel like affection growing,
but he's just having a hard time being patient.
He just, you know, that I'm not being committed.
How long have you guys been together again?
Just mid-November.
Okay, mid-November,
and you've gone on vacation with him a couple of times?
I was with him for nine days in January,
and then a three-day weekend.
But you usually live long distance?
We are two and a half hours apart when he's home,
but he's been in Florida for the winter.
Okay, so is this a fair assessment?
Most of your relationship since November
has been long distance,
like real long distance, Florida.
How long was he two and a half hours away,
and then he went to Florida?
Because you're saying the winter,
well, the winter is starting December,
January, February, we're in the winter.
It was a month and a half
where we were two and a half hours apart.
And then- How long?
Do you guys see each other a lot?
Almost weekly, not quite.
Okay, so you saw each other about four or five times,
and then he went to Florida?
Yeah.
Okay, and then you spent nine days and one weekend.
I don't think it's unreasonable
that you're not head over heels.
It's not unreasonable,
but what you're dealing with is one of two things,
and you tell me which it is.
You're dealing with an anxious attacher,
and how you're gonna assess that is
he's someone who was very quick to say, I love you.
He's someone who's always saying things
like, I'm thinking about you.
I can't wait to be with you.
Someone who's maybe love bombing a little bit.
Someone who's jumped the gun
and is already planning the future.
And, or it could be a secure attacher
where he's not doing those things,
but he definitely is letting you know
that he is sure about you.
Which one?
I would guess anxious attacher.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
This doesn't make him evil,
and it doesn't mean he's completely unhealthy.
It doesn't mean that it's a deal breaker.
It's not a deal breaker.
Lots of anxious attachers go on
to have very happy relationships.
You just need to know that early in relationship,
they need a lot of certainty,
and they feel very insecure.
Okay.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
So when you say that you're not as sure about him
as he is about you,
it makes him feel like, you know,
you're gonna leave.
Their biggest fear is abandonment.
Yeah.
You're gonna break up with him.
You're gonna decide that you don't like him anymore.
So the way that you can help him
is you can use language like,
hey, you know, I'm growing in affection towards you.
You know, I like getting to know you.
I'm enjoying our time together.
You know, you can say those things.
You don't have to say,
I'm falling in love with you.
I'm madly in love with you.
You know, I wanna marry you someday,
but you can affirm that you are enjoying your time
and that you're looking forward to more of it.
And then you can also say gently and non-accusatorily,
hey, I can tell that, you know,
maybe you're a little nervous about this relationship,
and I just need you to be patient with me.
I'm not a quick, I'm not a quick start like you are.
I just need time to get to know you.
I have been telling him that.
Bless his heart.
His little fast microwave heart.
Yeah.
Someone put up a crock pot, not a microwave.
You're the crock pot.
He's the microwave.
You guys, what happens when crock pots and microwaves
start dating each other?
What happens?
Somebody's gonna get burned.
No, just joking.
But I just thought it was funny
because get it, microwave is crock pot.
Okay.
All right.
Can I add?
Yeah.
So he was asking me on the way to the airport,
like, what do I need?
What are my questions?
I'm here, just give it to me.
And so I brought up one area that we are,
that I know we're different in.
He had mentioned that he and his deceased wife
had been, had differences in this area.
And that was like, she was much more conscientious
about telling the truth,
about like honestly reporting taxes.
And so,
like there were several when I was with him
that he would try to get into places,
like get admission into places on the senior price,
but he's really not a senior yet.
So I kind of struggled a little bit with that.
I don't know, just trust.
But he's out here, he's out here stealing that senior discount.
Yeah.
Is it?
No, I mean, if it was, if he was trying to get a five finger discount, he's
actually stealing things, then that'd be a whole different story.
But if he's just trying to get that senior discount, because
he's close to being a senior.
That's like my husband who parks in the employee of the month parking
spot, because he said that if they were there, then they would
be in their parking spot.
I mean, there's just people who everything's a little bit gray
and not really black and white.
I definitely wouldn't think I wouldn't, I wouldn't judge that as dishonest.
Okay.
I yell at my husband all the time about stuff like this.
Cause I wouldn't do it.
Right.
I'm just like, Hey, that's not right.
You shouldn't do that.
You know?
And he's like, whatever you're just uptight, you know?
So there's going to be little things like that.
So look, I asked you if he was an anxious or secure.
You think he's an anxious, but you may be a little bit avoidant
because right now what you're saying is a little nitpicky.
Okay.
Just a little, just a tiny bit.
Are you trying to find something wrong with him?
Not consciously, but I'm willing to own it.
I mean, I'm, I just want you to be on alert for yourself.
Okay.
That there is not even a yellow flag for me.
That's just someone who sees that the system is dumb and
wants to try to circumvent it.
Um, but especially since there are more people on a fixed
income than just 55 and older.
But once again, just watch yourself.
I don't want you overextending and ignoring, but I also don't want
you trying to create a problem.
Okay.
All right.
Will you keep us posted Marie?
When are you going to see each other again?
Um, February, as far as I know.
That's this month we're in February.
Yeah.
Um, I am going down to Florida for a coach's retreat mid-February and
then I'll be seeing him as far as just a couple of weeks.
Perfect.
All right.
Keep us posted.
You guys long distance is not easy.
So make sure you guys are communicating via FaceTime,
phone calls and stuff.
Okay.
You can even have cute little dates.
You can plan little FaceTime dates where you're both having a
cup of coffee together, or you're both eating dinner together, playing a game.
A lot of people play games on FaceTime.
So it's not just boring talking all the time.
You know, there's different things you can do.
All right, Rosanna, you're next.
You guys, we have to go quickly.
Cause we're about to be over time.
So really quick, ask your question.
I'll give you the answer.
Rosanna, what you got?
Hey there.
Um, really fast.
I'm so I have five kids and I get really nervous about opening that
up when the guys are like, oh, so you have children, how many do you have?
One guy said, he was like, oh, I don't mind that.
He's like, are you open to more though?
And I was like, yes, I am.
And then another guy just asked me, he's like, Hey, um, how many children do you have?
Um, and so I just get a little nervous with that.
And then I'm also interested in like maybe a long, um, there's a couple
long distance people, but I'm just new.
I just started to put myself out on Facebook dating and on Bumble this week.
And so I'm trying to figure out, am I getting nervous or do I want locality
only because it's just convenient and it's close by because I'm
just getting my feet wet again.
Um, so I don't know if it's fear that I'll just be rejected because I have five kids,
but they're my blessings.
Right.
And, um, absolutely.
A hundred percent.
And look, there's plenty of people that will love you and your children.
And that goes for everyone who has children, men and women.
Your love story is not just your love story.
It's their love story too.
You guys, for those of you that are, um, parents that have shared parenting,
please try to keep your introductions local for now.
Okay.
It doesn't make any sense unless God should introduce you to someone who's
here and then moves away or something.
It doesn't make any sense to get it real complicated when you are a single
parent that also has to co-parent with an ex, please be very mindful of this
because the amount of love stories that I've seen that had to end because
someone couldn't move are a lot.
And so there isn't any reason to get all interested in and all entangled
with someone that you can't be with without leaving your children behind.
Okay.
And so, and of course that's never God's will.
All right.
Or I don't have that issue with that because he's a widow, but I, I agree.
I'm good for you, but also if they have kids, make sure that you want
to move to where they're going.
Right.
I have to understand that relocation has to be something that I have to,
this one guy that's talking, we're an hour away.
Um, but that that's, we just started.
He gave me his number.
How old is your oldest child?
17 on Friday.
And my youngest is six.
I have how many, how many teenagers, middle schoolers do you have?
I have two middles, two teenage sons, 18.
Once apart, my daughter is 12 and then my two youngest boys are eight and six.
They go to public school.
Two are homeschooled.
The other three go to Christian school and I teach out one of them.
Okay.
And how long have you been living in the school district and going to that school?
Um, we've been living in the city for six years, so they, this is the only town
that they've really known.
Um, my kids have gone.
My daughter just started the school last year and then the little one
started two years ago there.
So my advice to you would be, don't move your kids, you know, they've
already been through enough.
They lost their dad.
You know, um, you guys have a community around you, you teach at the school,
you've got a good situation going on before, you know, what you're going
to blank and they're going to be out of school, um, especially the older
ones, I, if I were you, unless it's a absolute God thing, and you know,
that, you know, that, you know, and everyone's on board and wants to go.
Do not leave where you are.
Yeah.
It's not a desire of mine.
I even put on our activation that does a relocation is not an option currently.
Okay.
Let them, yes.
Let them come to you.
There's plenty.
What city do you live in?
I'm in Delaware, Ohio, Delaware.
Oh, Delaware, Ohio, Ohio, Delaware.
I'm very, very, um, familiar with Delaware, Ohio.
I used to live in Lewis center.
Yeah.
And there's a big enough population in Columbus, Ohio.
Okay.
Where you there's, there's plenty of men, plenty of men, there's plenty of men.
Um, okay.
So we're, we're gonna, we're going to stay where we are right now.
And we also, when it comes to, you know, listen, when it comes to your kids,
don't give people a lot of information about your kids.
You're going to say you're a single mom, but if someone's straight up,
ask you how many kids you have, you can't lie.
You're going to say, I have four kids.
You can't lie.
Right.
You're going to say, I have five kids.
And if that's a deal breaker for them, then guess what?
You got to weed them out early.
Would you suggest that over the phone or like on Bumble?
Like, cause the guy, he's been so sweet and asking questions.
And he's like, you said you have children.
How many do you have?
And I was like, do I, do we do an audio call or say like, I have five children.
One guy was totally fine with it.
And the other one, I haven't responded yet.
I'm actually glad we had this before I respond to him.
I mean, yeah.
If someone asks you how many, you can say, I have five kids.
Okay.
You know, you were married.
You know, you, you have five children and that's great.
It's wonderful.
Like you said, children are blessings and you're willing to have more.
So that shouldn't be a deal breaker.
And, um, the right man is not going to be intimidated by five kids.
In fact, maybe you'll end up as yours, mine and ours, and he'll
have five and you'll have the Brady bunch and it'll be great.
Yeah.
Brady bunch is always mentioned to me when I talk to people.
So I'm like, all right, Lord, let's see what happens.
They only both had three.
So that's six, but you know, five and five.
Let's go.
Um, yes, you're welcome.
Listen, you're, you're amazing.
You're wonderful.
And God's definitely got a great love story for you.
And you don't have to, and you don't have to try to make it easy on the man.
You don't have to try to make it easy on him.
All of you, single moms, you don't have to try to make it easy on, on them.
You know, if they're cut out to be part of your love story and your
children's love story, then they'll rise to the occasion.
Okay.
They'll rise, but I want, that's what I want for sure.
Yeah.
And until you get to know them really well, they don't need a whole
bunch of information about your kids either because people are weird.
Yeah.
Okay.
Thanks.
All right.
So ladies be diligent, be discerning Joanne quick and quick,
quick, brief and powerful.
What do you got?
Yeah.
So I've had a tendency to, um, be in relationships or date men that.
Or they come on really strong and they're really interested and I'm
working on not attaching quickly because the pattern has been, they think I'm
the one or, um, they're very sure about me early on, like in the first
week or a couple of weeks and it activates my, the anxious attachment
tendencies that I have for like, Oh no, I've gone through this.
Like I'm almost, I've been engaged a couple of times and like they, they,
they decide they can't do this or they're not ready or they didn't hear from God.
So I just want to work on attracting the right type of man.
I am like a very passionate artist, like a four that's really in my emotions.
So it's hard for me to not emotionally bond.
And I recently just went through a situation where the guy was coming in
super strong and I was trying to slow it down and I told him I need to schedule
times to talk to you.
And that totally blew over.
Like he couldn't follow through on the times that we scheduled because he had
like work crises that came up.
And so I'm also trying to navigate how to have realistic expectations and not
like act out my anxious attachment tendencies while still having like good
guard.
Rails to pace and see if this person is for real and consistent, okay
How quickly do you when you're talking to someone or like in person getting with them and stuff?
How quickly does it turn physical holding hands hugging kissing?
It really depends on each person I'm I just historically historically
First second third date
So fast from the first time I don't like I don't go and like go all all all in sex or anything like that
Yeah, I understand sometimes like like, you know
cuddling kissing a little bit
Or more and then some people it's like a couple weeks like okay, but like a month or something
Okay
Strong they start those people that you that you abstain from that for at least a month. Are there really deep?
emotional things being shared
Yeah
Yeah, sometimes there are and yeah, and and it's usually them moving the physical really fast
Yeah, it's not what you need to understand is that these are dopamine hits, right?
These are dopamine hits and anyone who's just here for the dopamine everyone. Listen
This can be men or women. This is not just men that do this women do it as well
Anyone who's just here for the dopamine if you don't give them the satisfaction
Then you can weed them out quickly
They're here for the they're here for the vibes. They're not here for the relationship
Okay, and the way you can do this is is that they'll try to make a deep connection from the from the beginning
It'll either be physical or emotional. That's why I asked her for both scenarios
So they'll if you get in person with them if they try to go for the handhold on the first date
They try to go for the extra long hug or you know, anything that would just get excited
It's not just about you guys not just about sex. It's about the butterflies. It's about infatuation
It's about feeding the dopamine. And so those people you got a flag on. All right doesn't mean that you know
You can't just push back and say hey, you know, I'm not ready for that
We need to get to know each other better if they keep coming back around
Maybe they're they're, you know willing to be reformed
But these people are dopamine addicts the people that go for the quick, you know deep deep
You know want to dive into your ocean kind of people emotionally same thing. They're here for the vibes
They're here for the dopamine
And so if you hold back they ask you a super personal question
And it's gonna be hard for you because you've been you've been caught up in the dopamine too. Okay, you say that you're for
Forest are really a moating people
They very much like the connections the dip the depth of connection
And so when they ask you a personal question
Inappropriate personal question when you barely know them saying hey, you know
I I'd rather get to know you get better first before you know, we go deep like that
They'll be gone if they're just here for the vibes if they're just you know, if they're just dopamine vampires
They're gonna be gone and weed themselves out
It's gonna be hard for you though because you like it too and so Joanne you have to just make a decision that you want
Something real and solid and you want to build a foundation this time and you don't want to continue to have these relationships
That burn hot and fast and out
Right, yeah, so what do you do you think that what I suggested to him like schedule a time was a good filter
Oh good. We absolutely you're gonna have to put up lots of filters and boundaries and you know what you're not gonna
You're not gonna like it
It's gonna seem kind of boring to you
But you're gonna have to have it at first
You guys can go hot and fast and you can get all up in the fields and you can you know
Cuddle and get all romantic
After you get to know this person and you know that they're not just someone who's just after this and then they're gonna be gone
I don't mean sex. I mean after the excitement
Right
So, how do I deter?
Do you think that I should just turn down guys when they come on so strong and they're a thousand percent. Yes
Cuz I know that you don't realize it, but you're sending out a signal that's causing you to attract that
And so we want to turn that signal off
the reason why you're attracting this over and over again is because you're sending because of your
Personality and the vibe that you send out you're sending it out
like the bat signal and
Batman is picking it up and he's coming. Okay, but in this case, he's you know, love bomber, man
and so we want to make sure that we're turning that off because we don't want that over and over and over again and
At first that's gonna seem really boring to you. The stability is often boring
It is at first until we get over this attraction. That's not serving us
Okay, you're kind of attraction. What how do I?
by doing things that are very counterintuitive.
So whatever Joanne would normally do,
Joanne's gonna do the opposite of it right now.
So don't share deeply.
Don't, don't, don't ask deep questions.
Keep it very chill.
Yeah, yeah.
Can you do it?
I can, but it's when the guy starts being like all like,
then it's really hard when they're loved by me
and saying, I wanna be exclusive.
I like you so much.
I know, but that's how you're weeding them out.
Cause you already know how that crashes and burns.
So I should just be like, not even believe them.
Cause some part of me is like, maybe they are real.
Maybe he is the one.
I don't know.
Yeah, but I just don't understand.
I don't think that you understand how sexy you are.
Just like, even now you're being really sexy, okay.
And we're just like on a coaching call.
And what I mean by that is like your voice,
it just has like this inflection.
I can already tell that you're creative
and kind of a bohemian personality.
And that's very, very attractive to men who like vibes.
And so what we need to do is we need to make sure
that you are being very counterintuitive to yourself.
So if you would do it normally, don't do it right now.
So we can just weed out the guys
that are just here for the vibes.
Guys, that's why I hate dating apps
because you would be amazed at how many people
are on dating apps just for vibes.
Like how it makes you feel.
You know how you feel when you meet a new person
who's really exciting.
And then as soon as that burns out,
because it's going to,
then they're just off to the next person.
And sometimes they don't even meet the person in person.
You know how fun it is to kind of banter back and forth
and kind of fantasize about what this person's like,
you know, or what's going to happen with this person.
You know, like, oh, you know,
they seem really intriguing, you know, and stuff.
And then you get into some boring conversation
or you have a FaceTime and then, you know,
the vibes end because you're like, yeah,
they had a stray nose hair
and now I'm not feeling the vibes anymore.
And so I'm off to the next person I want to vibe with.
Guys, this is how people live on these apps.
So get in person, get in person as fast as you can
so that we can get rid of the vibes.
Joanne, if you get in person,
absolutely no touchy, no feely for at least two months.
Well, I don't initiate the hugs.
I know you don't.
I know you're not, but you're attracting men who are vibers.
Don't let them feed that.
Don't feed that for them.
Just be like, hey, you know what?
Physical, physical touch.
You know, we're just, we're going to keep this platonic.
We'll save that for later after we get to know each other.
Trust me, this will weed these men out very fast.
And the ones that don't want to touch you,
the ones that aren't like dopamine hit
of like hugging and cuddling,
the other guys, they want to go deep emotionally.
They want to talk about, like you said,
how they want to be exclusive,
how they know you're the one,
how they think they're falling in love with you.
No, trust me, that is not sustainable.
So just don't even entertain those guys.
Entertain more of the boring ones
that maybe there's no chemistry in the beginning
and just really get to know them.
I did.
The thing is, is that it's not that there's no chemistry.
Please, everyone listen.
This is such a good question that Joanne's asking.
It's not that there's no chemistry.
There's no familiar chemistry.
All of us have what we call familiar chemistry,
and that's what we call chemistry.
There is chemistry.
It's just unfamiliar to us
and the way that we usually do things.
And if the way you usually do things
is not working out for you,
Joanne started this question with,
I've been engaged a few times
and it's never made it to the altar.
We want to cut that pattern off.
She doesn't want that anymore.
It's her time to have a love story
with someone who's stable and solid
that she's gonna have lots of chemistry with.
It just doesn't have to start out as familiar chemistry.
Cool?
So right now, look, this is gonna be the easiest coaching
that I can do by telling you just for a little while,
try doing the opposite of what Joanne would normally do.
So when they send you the message,
just sit and think for a second before you respond
and say, okay, how would I normally respond to this?
Okay, let me do the opposite.
And just see what happens.
I promise you this,
you're not going to miss out on your spirit mate
by trying to set a new precedent for connection
because these connections haven't been working out.
The good thing is when I was sick so long
and I tried to talk to guys,
I felt I was so boring and muted,
but he was still like, yeah, let's get together.
I'm like, wow, that was good.
That worked.
Yeah, you're, I mean, you probably.
You probably felt boring and muted just because you are not a hundred percent, but trust me,
your 50% is a lot more attractive than some people's hundred percent.
So you got to be careful.
Okay.
And I'm saying that as a woman to a woman, okay, I'm saying, I'm telling you, you're
carrying some woo.
And so you need to be sure that you use it correctly.
Okay.
Because people will be falling for you fast and they probably will not be the right people.
And so dial down your woo a little bit and let's see what happens.
Okay.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Okay.
Um, you guys, I really want to get these last two people and we've got to go faster.
We're almost having two hours.
Okay.
Aubrey quick.
Hi Jackie.
Um, okay.
So my question is this, I have been in five exclusive relationships in my life, four of
which were long distance.
Um, historically it's not gone exceptionally well for me.
So several of them were when I was really young and they were international because
I traveled with, um, my dad was a pastor and things like that.
So, um, I have thought, well, it makes more sense to try to do local dating locally.
Um, but it kind of feels too, like even now I have this really awesome, he seems like
a really awesome guy and I met him on Bumble and we like matched four years ago on Bumble
Alaska.
Um, it's very long distance.
So do I just say like, no, absolutely not long distance has not worked for me because
I think that closes a lot of potential, I guess.
Um, let me ask you a question.
You know, um, sometimes people's patterns really are just, um, showing us what they're
afraid of.
Is it possible?
And I'm not saying that this is a conscious thing, but is it possible that you choose
to be in these very long distance relationships simply because you have a fear of proximity?
I don't, I mean, I suppose it's possible if that, if it is, it's not conscious at all.
Um, it's cause I, I feel like I want someone to, you know, when I've dated a guy in person,
one time exclusive relationship in person, it's like a seven month relationship.
I was like, this is great because you get to hang out with me, come to my parents house,
you know, we actually get to do life together.
Okay.
So let me just say, um, let me just say something, um, uh, Alaska guy, you guys knew each other
before you've reconnected.
If you're really going to make, do you think that he wants to really see where this can
go?
I think so.
I mean, he reached out and we have some shared like values that are kind of niche.
Like I would say I'm kind of like Messianic basically, like I'm not Jewish, but I do a
lot of the Messianic values and it's very niche.
It's hard to find people that don't think you're a weirdo, honestly.
Um, so it's, but I feel like it's hard to build trust with distance and there's a ton
of time and investment that has to go into getting to know a person that is at a distance.
Like I've jumped on a lot of air, you know, this is, okay, so this is kind of a, this
is a, because this is a pattern, just like Joanne had a pattern, I'm going to give you
kind of a hard, fast rule.
Okay.
So Joanne is going to do what's come.
She's going to do what is not intuitive for her.
So she's going to purposely try to be counterintuitive to her decisions.
What I want you to do is with Alaska or any other opportunities that come up with a long
distance person is, um, especially since you know, this guy from before, uh, you have to
set some really fast ground rules about, Hey, um, cause it's, I don't want you wasting
any more time.
Okay.
With relationships that are not going to turn into anything.
So you have to make a decision really quickly.
And I, this is the way I coach for long distance anyway, is that if, if you're really vibing
with someone and they really want to get to know you, then they need to put their money
where their mouth is.
There needs to be some quick visitations.
Um, even if they're international, you cannot get into a relationship with someone of any
kind where you're talking back and forth all the time.
You're spending a lot of energy and, you know, like just using up your margins and bandwidth
with someone, unless you can get together with them within the first six weeks of knowing
them eight weeks at the most, that would be two months.
Okay.
And so this guy from Alaska, if he's in it to win it, then he'll need to prove it.
Especially since you guys have already connected in the past.
Like what is going to be like visiting?
I live in East Tennessee.
He's visiting in Nashville this week.
His sister is here.
So okay.
So that's a fluke and that's great because he's already coming to see family.
But if this visitation goes well in person before he leaves to go back to Alaska, the
next trip needs to be planned and booked.
Seriously, how old are you?
27.
Okay, you're young, it's true,
but you also have a history of doing this, right?
Okay, so if he really likes you when he comes and visits,
then he needs to,
you guys need to make the plan for the next one.
And you guys can share expenses and, you know,
his sister lives where you live, so she can put them up.
And so that makes it cheaper.
If you want to go to Alaska and visit,
because he's a known variable and it's safe to do so,
then he can buy half your ticket.
You guys need to have skin in the game.
But if you really do want to make this work with him
and you think it is something,
then you need to plan it immediately.
Don't just leave it to,
oh, hey, okay, well, can't wait to see you again.
Okay, yeah, let's talk next week.
No.
Okay.
All right, Aubrey, you can do this.
Otherwise, and at the same time,
and definitely don't get into anything exclusive
with someone long distance,
unless they're really, really committed to-
Well, this is what happened this last time.
There was a guy and he saw me on Instagram
and he's like, I need to be,
like, he came from Boston
and then, like, I just folded under the pressure.
He's like, I want to be exclusive.
And I was talking to other people
because I was in phase two and I was dating.
And like six months of my life,
I am gone with this guy.
Did you even ever see him again?
I did.
He booked a ticket.
He was like, yeah, I saw him every month
for that six months that we were dating.
And why did you break up?
He was kind of a jerk.
And it was like, I was like winning.
Like, I have so much pressure.
Like, I'm like about to cry on our first visit.
He's like heartbroken,
can't fathom why I'm talking to more than him.
I'm like, I've never even met you in my whole life.
I don't know who you are.
Okay, you guys, Aubrey is 27.
That's one year younger than my middle daughter,
who's been married for four years.
But I will tell you that,
this is making me laugh a little bit,
but from now on, you guys, all of you, listen,
and you guys that are old enough to know better
have also done this.
Know exclusivity with strangers.
You don't become exclusive with people that you don't know.
Let them earn exclusivity.
Gentlemen, that goes for you as well.
If a woman's trying to pressure you into exclusivity
and you have not known her very long,
don't feel pressured.
You don't have to ask her to be your girlfriend.
You don't have to feel pressured into that
until you really know that you wanna be exclusive with her.
Okay, and so that definitely not should be,
should not be something that's happening
within the first couple of conversations.
Definitely no.
Okay, so Aubrey, no, if you need to set,
listen, you guys, it's okay
to give yourself boundaries and rules.
So if you know that you have a weakness
or a shortcoming somewhere where you rush things
or you get all tangled up in familiar things
or different things, set rules and boundaries for yourself.
Like Aubrey, for instance, can say no exclusivity
until this amount of dates
or this amount of months of talking.
I always say that you shouldn't be exclusive any,
it shouldn't take you any longer
than four to six months to become exclusive,
but you shouldn't be exclusive any shorter
than three months.
Like you need to really get to know someone
before you let them walk you down out of the dating pool.
Okay?
Now, of course, there are some things that rush that.
If you start getting physical
and physically intimate with someone,
and I don't mean sex, I mean all the other stuff,
making out and all that,
you're pretty much exclusive with them
whether you like it or not.
Cause you're not gonna just be making out with everybody.
And if you are that kind of person,
then I would like to talk to you
about your car's extended warranty.
Okay?
All right.
Aubrey's not that kind of girl.
Okay, so Aubrey, Alaska guys coming to visit,
keep us posted.
And if it's real good,
you guys both feel like there's something really in it,
then let's make plans for the next get together,
but no exclusivity.
Awesome, thank you.
Okay.
Susan, last but not least,
it's gotta be real fast, honey bun,
cause my husband's here to shut down the computers
and make me go home.
Cause I have a whole half hour over.
All right, I will try to get to the point.
All right, I guess briefly,
blind date, met a guy a little over a year ago.
Anyway, he wanted me to come to Northern Michigan,
check out his house, see if I liked the town,
blah, blah, blah, continue this relationship.
And I just wanted to fringe
at the thought of moving to Northern Michigan.
And I'm thinking, how shallow are you, Susan?
And then he sent me pictures of his home
and I just thought,
I can't live in that house.
Why do you have to move to Michigan?
Do you like this guy?
Well, no, I called it off.
But I guess my question really is.
Let me ask you a question.
Forget about Michigan.
Forget about his house.
Did you like him?
How often did you see him?
Well, we went on to Farmer's Market in Scottsdale.
And then we went out to dinner that night.
And then he was back, because we met in Phoenix.
And then he went back to Michigan.
And we talked over the phone.
You guys had a little whirlwind weekend together.
So, well, I mean, it wasn't even 24 hours.
And he was lovely.
And I liked him.
And I wanted to get to know him.
OK.
And then he's like, Tom.
Why did you call it off, too?
I mean, he's not trying to get you to move
into his house in Michigan.
Well, yeah, he kind of was like, this is pretty exciting.
He was really thrilled about it.
And then he said, I'm going to send you a ticket.
And you come out.
And I was agreeable to it.
No, no, he was sending you a ticket to come visit him,
not go live in Michigan, right?
OK, you guys, just so you know, Susan
I've known for like six years.
So I'm just going to talk to Susan like I'm her girlfriend.
OK, so why, Susan, why did you call it off?
Why are you forecasting that you'd
have to live in his shabby house in Michigan?
Because that's what he was offering.
And then I said, yes, I'll come and visit for a week.
And then he pulled the plug on me.
He freaked out and canceled it.
He says, I'm not ready for this.
I'm like, what?
What are you talking about?
He was offering for you to come and live with him?
No, just come and visit, see if I like the town,
and if I would be willing to move there,
because he wasn't moving.
And at that point, I was agreeable.
OK, I'll check it out.
Then he pulls the plug.
And then he calls me eight months later.
You saw what you needed to see eight months ago.
OK, so eight months later is now?
Well, he called me a couple of months ago
and wanted to resume conversation.
And I said, and he said, can I call you again?
After we had a great conversation on the phone,
I was like, great.
And I said, well, no, you can't call me again,
because I'm not moving.
And you're not moving to the West.
And what did he say?
Well, he said, I won't say goodbye.
I'll just say I'll talk to you later,
because he didn't want to end it.
And I'm like, well, I'm not calling you.
How old is this guy?
Say we're the same age.
OK, he's in his 60s.
And is he divorced?
Yeah, he divorced his wife a long time ago.
How long has he been single?
Well, he had just gotten out of some kind of a business
relationship with a woman.
And I don't know all the details to that.
I'm like, really, dude?
Let me ask you a question.
Was this guy's first name Peter and his last name Pan?
You know, right now, I can't remember what his name was.
Oh, yeah, now I remember his name.
All right.
But my point, OK.
So when I saw his house, and I thought, are you kidding me?
I mean, I sold my house in Indianapolis.
And no, it wasn't a million dollar home.
But I had a really nice home.
Little old me, single woman, doing it all by herself.
And I'm just not interested.
For the sake of time, what I think you're really asking
is that regardless of whether or not this guy invited you,
regardless of whether he pulled the plug,
regardless of whether he's not interested in a long-term
relationship that causes him to have to make sacrifices
and compromise, I think the bigger question is
is that you're scared in the future
that you're going to be too picky about someone's
circumstances in order to really let someone choose you.
And I think that's very possible.
But also, I think that there are non-negotiables
that are important.
You guys, I know Susan.
You guys don't.
But I know her.
And she is a very sophisticated lady, OK?
She's beautiful.
But she's also super classy, super classic.
And she's an artist.
She's an actress.
But she's also very artsy, very aesthetically sensitive.
And so I don't think that we need to be with people,
especially at this stage of life.
Friends, for those of you that have been single
for a really long time, Susan raised all of her daughters
herself.
She's been single, divorced for a really, really long time.
She's not going to cash in her independence
and her single card and all the things
that she loves, like being surrounded by beauty,
just to be with some schlep so that she
can say she's got a man.
She's not going to do that.
And you know what?
She doesn't.
have to do that. And God doesn't want her to do that. So hopefully this asks, this answers
the question that you're not asking. Okay. Cause I feel like you're answering, you're
asking a question. You're, you're, you're asking an unspoken question. I think that
beauty is important to you guys. If we're with someone, you know, men, there are men
that keep really nice houses. Like my husband, when I met him, he had a really nice house.
It was decorated far more fashionably than mine. So there are men like that, but at the
same time, the man that Susan ends up with does not have to have her gifts and talents
as far as environments and aesthetics, but he has to be willing to allow her to have
what she needs around her. That's important. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for that.
Thank you. And you guys don't, don't these lonely bachelors out here that have no intention
of making commitments. He was in a business relationship with a woman that he got out
of for me, that's code for, you know, he doesn't want to commit. Okay. And so I just want to let
you guys know that for those of you that are marriage minded, please do not get yourself
entangled with other people, gentlemen, you as well that don't get entangled with women
that are not that the end goal is not. Um, commitment partnership covenant. Okay.
All right, friends, this has been love seats and ask Jackie. Thanks so much for joining us.
It's available on replay ladies in phase two, it will be in your replays as well.
And we'll see you soon. Bye.