Awesome. Welcome to men's heart check in Monday, February 9th, 2026. Good to see you guys here.
God bless y'all. Um, so I've asked you to sort of start putting stuff in the chat there.
And I'm just going to start at the top here. Oh, that's you, David. I see you iPhone working
on stuff. All right. Got you. Uh, Kevin, just finished week one. Congratulations, Kevin.
Awesome. Good on you. Finish your week of one, getting through the material and, um,
and just know it's okay to take your time. If you have to take your time. Um, you know,
the idea is to not rush through, but to actually complete and have a understanding, have breakthrough,
revelation, um, get some healing, get some, um, get some things released, uh, you know,
especially in week three through forgiveness. And so it's really good. So glad you're finishing
week one, uh, Stefan, this is, uh, your final section. Yeah. I know you're going to join the
married group. So that's awesome. Praise God for you. Thank you for that. Congratulations.
And you're making it through and onto your, onto your, the next phase, man. It's exciting.
We're happy for you. And we're celebrating that with you. Um, Andy got through an argument with
your girlfriend and it turned out actually very good in the end. That's awesome. This is, um,
I'm sorry, I forget her name. So what's your, what's her name again?
Jal. Jal. Okay. Awesome. So glad that's awesome. And, um, I noticed that you didn't say that you
won or she won, but that it turned out good. So that's all that's that is good. I will say that.
That's awesome. Powerful. Christopher, um, just finished hard work. Part three,
starting on really being impacted by some other lies believed and sins that have struggled with.
One thing that's impacted me is how on one hand it could be arrogant, prideful,
and my judgment, others yet on the opposite side of things, I'm fairly
youth. This is like a thought, maybe is that what it is like fairly useless to the kingdom.
Yeah. Well, I just did like on the one hand, I just completely on myself. I don't have any
pride in myself or my useless, my useful skills. Obviously arrogant and prideful towards others
and judgment. But then you wouldn't look at yourself. You're like, I have like absolutely
no confidence or pride. Like I'm just like, okay, got it. And then others are better equipped for
relationships, ministry, et cetera. Okay. Kevin identified some heart wounds. Awesome.
That's good stuff. And we're allowing again in phase one or week one, week two, especially
we're allowing those things to organically or spiritually come to the surface.
We're not trying to dig for stuff. We're not trying to like uncover things, but
there's some things that came to the surface and heartburn. So that's good. Identify those Thomas.
I love that personal email inbox down to zero, bro. That's awesome. And living with emotion.
Do you have a new like email protocol or software that's helping you do that or no?
I'm going through the getting things done workbook that we've said some of us have been
talking about. And so it's good. My personal living space is clean for the first time in my
adult life. And yeah, it's great. My personal emails, there were tens of thousands of them. So
it's good to have all those gone. No software help. And then Outlook for work, I'm down 22,000
to around like 9,500 and getting down towards zero there as well, which I'm really, really
grateful for. I feel like I'm coming out of debt to the future and being able to live present.
That's, you know, I mean, these, this tech stuff really controls and drives our life. And so that's
like a huge important step. I'm loving the beard, by the way. Oh, thanks. That's cool. I like it.
Yeah, that's good. I wish I could do that. I can't I can't grow it in that thick. So I can't do that.
But I'm jealous of people who could just kind of like overnight to there it is. So I love it.
I just feel like I've been in step with the Lord this season, but taking things slow,
spending all the time with him feeling strong. Need to be with someone right now feeling full
with the Lord also chatting here and there with women I've connected with good kids keep that
door open.
This is David Wright.
Working on a person through hardship and to worship.
Also struggle with disassociation.
I have working on that I feel most people I have met
are two or three.
OK, that's a lot.
I think in one sentence there's kind of shorthand.
I think I understand what that means.
Really struggling with moving forward, reach out to someone.
I keep seeing potential in women,
getting a plan together for finances,
rejecting lives that I believe too long,
breaking out of poverty spirit.
Cool.
And then the men's spirit group.
I like it.
Thanks, Chris.
It's awesome.
Christopher, I don't know that I've met you.
Maybe I don't know if I've not just been on a call with you
at this point.
I went to this last week.
Week three.
Yeah, I'm usually driving though.
So this is my office now.
That's what it is.
OK.
I got it.
Sorry, bro.
No, it's fine.
This is the reason I don't have a girlfriend,
is all this back here.
OK.
OK, good, good.
All right, that's cool.
All right, good, guys.
Hey, Christopher, DeLuca, and Kenton,
if you want to put in the chat, we were just putting in either
something we're working on, something
we're kind of dealing with, working on right now,
a win, like recent win, or those
that are doing the hard work.
If there's something that's kind of stood out
to you doing the hard work and things
you're working on in that process,
you can mention that in the chat.
So if you guys want to put something in the chat
there for that, that'd be awesome.
So good stuff.
All right.
OK, who wants to get into something right now?
I will mention, well, I'll mention that later.
Who wants to start on their thing
and kind of get into what's going on with them?
Who wants to share?
Don't all start at once.
This is your time, not my time.
I can share if you want.
Go ahead.
I mean, I don't, yeah, just to elaborate,
I guess, on what I wrote, yeah, I just
feel like I'm in a good place right now.
I don't, like, six months or so into being widowed,
the thought of being alone for another year,
or even another six months, just seemed really hard
to even imagine, like, getting through another six months,
how it was.
But yeah, I just feel like the Lord has really
worked on me and in me over this time.
And I just feel like I was kind of resisting getting used
to being on my own.
And I didn't want that to become a new normal
and just get so used to doing life with only one arm.
If you get an arm cut off, like, you
can get used to living life with one arm.
So I was kind of resisting that.
But I don't feel like, like, I feel at peace.
I feel like God, I feel like I've found my footing,
as far as knowing, like, I know there's definitely
options out there.
And it's not about finding, I don't think it's going to be,
I don't see it being hard to find a really good woman.
It's just a matter of just the right one,
just the right one at the right time.
So yeah.
Yeah.
No, I mean, you are still, obviously, that's very,
like, still raw, still, you know,
that's very near to that situation in your life
coming.
Yeah, it'll be two years, actually.
It'll be two years this month.
Yeah.
And no, I mean, you've been through it.
I can't imagine what you've been through in that regard.
But yeah, I, you know, that was one of the prayer,
that was a prayer that I prayed.
And I think I've shared this before.
You know, so it's like, Lord, I don't want to be alone.
But at the same time, you know, I've got a lot at stake here.
I've got kids, I've got all these things.
It's got to be a person.
And yeah, I believe, I mean, definitely,
and I share this all the time, like, you know,
the odds are definitely in your favor, for sure.
Because look, there is probably one man to every nine women
that are marriage-minded.
And I don't mean just in this program.
I like meaning that's probably.
probably like that out in the wild, so to speak.
Because, you know, women are constantly looking for like,
where are the good men at?
Where's the good guys at?
You know, like, and they have high standards, of course.
And usually their list is pretty long
and it looks more like a perfect man.
And we get that.
But the other reality is, is that we all know this,
is that there's no perfect man.
So we're not looking for perfect men.
And so you definitely have odds in your favor, for sure.
And so-
Why is that?
Why are there so few men, it seems,
compared to women out there?
I mean, we've said it a lot in this community.
I mean, we really are experiencing,
I think in our culture today,
we're experiencing a crisis in masculinity.
I know it sounds cliche to say that there is no war,
but I mean, it's not that we need a war.
I'm not saying we need war.
I'm just saying that men,
our intuitive nature is to respond to a call of need,
of duty, of service, of like, we need you, you know?
And so if there's not an overall demand for like,
hey, you know, like in a big picture sort of thing,
we've had several decades, many decades,
of the sort of like devaluing of the masculine.
We've had that media going on and like a broken record,
like men are stupid, men are losers, you know?
Men are like, you know, so there's that whole situation,
the battle of the sexes sort of thing.
You have literally the enemy of your soul
working against the, not only the family unit,
but the thing that I think really gravitates
and holds the family unit together is the strong man.
Not to say that a woman doesn't play her part,
the wife doesn't play a part,
the mother doesn't play her part
in terms of being the glue for her family,
but I'm just saying that more so than a strong woman
trying to struggle to hold all things together,
the better just sort of trumped card to that
is the strong man who is there to keep that strength,
to keep that shell over that, right?
Yeah.
Like, I mean, like you give the old saying,
like, you know, you give a woman a house
and she'll make it a home.
Right.
And so, but if the man is not there to give the house,
to give the structure, to give the,
then there's no home to be had.
Right.
So, I mean, it's just, I mean, yeah,
it's a crisis right now, it really is.
And then when men don't have a purpose,
when men don't have a strong calling to ascend to,
then they find themselves in a way to be
medicated in their pain, in their hurt, in their trauma,
where we have an entire generation of traumatized people,
and we have so many things to distract us.
So combination of all of those things,
that's just my opinion, I'm spitballing here,
but all of these factors contribute to,
and a couple of decades, several decades,
many decades of environment coming to a head
where masculinity is just in a critical crisis mode.
Yeah.
This is where we need good men,
not to just be good themselves and hold their position,
but we also need good men to rise up
and to affect other good men.
Yeah.
We need good men to,
you don't have to have all of your stuff together,
you don't have to be perfect,
but it does help when other strong men,
reach out to other men and bring them forward,
instead of just being only concerned about their thing,
only being concerned about their imperfections,
working on yourself.
That's cool to work on yourself, that's great.
But at some point, I really believe
there's a higher ask, there's a higher duty,
there's a higher calling for good men to make,
hey, where can you stand up?
Now that doesn't mean maybe you have a movement
of a thousand men that you're trying to affect,
maybe it's just one other person,
maybe you're just a mentor to someone that's in your space.
you, you know, you're a champion of people that are in your workplace. And, you know,
it's a really powerful stand that you're making, you know, so there's a lot of different ways to do
that. But that's, that's the why, in my opinion. Yeah. And what is what is the ratio right now with
with the LIS community with men and women? I mean, I think it's probably a nine to one.
But that's also, but that's also, you know, women doing their thing, too. I mean,
I'm not saying all the women are perfectly on point with their thing. They have decidedly
decided to work on themselves. They're doing their hard work, they're following.
And, you know, one of the things that Jackie just talked about on Supernatural Saturday,
um, again, to our community was this whole issue with, like, the will of God.
And I don't know if men struggle. I'm sure they do. But sort of we're coming after a little bit
right now, this religious mindset of the like, going after, like, what is God's will? I just
want his will. I just want what God wants. I just want like, you're waiting and constantly like,
really seeking instead of like, getting yourself together, decide what you want,
take action, work on what's working, what's not working, and then revise and continue,
rinse and repeat. It's like, that's the old Tony Robbins, like success formula.
This is like, take action, you know, decide what you want. This is why I get to that question a
lot. I say, what do you want? Like, what do you want? You know? And, um, you know, right now,
there's, you know, if you have a job and you have things together and you have your home together
and you're working on yourself, you know, and you've got things like nothing that's in crisis
mode in your immediate surrounding, and so you're not having to like, put out fires,
but you're also not asking yourself, what do I want in a greater sense? Now it's just like,
you're just maintaining. So I'm, the challenge is, is like, you know, when there's not a fire
to put out, like, oh my God, I can't pay my rent. Okay. That's, that's something that's like, okay,
that's an immediate attention thing. Um, I'm having a medical crisis. That's an immediate
attention thing. But if you're not having any of those crises, like immediate to yourself
and you're just in the habit of like, okay, I'm, I'm working on myself, the invitation,
the, the, the, um, challenge is to ask yourself the greater question, like,
what do I want? What am I after? Like, where's, where's the next bigger step?
You know? So does that require an education? Does that require a job change? Does that require you
to get your resume together and level up? Does that require you to take care of a relationship,
you know, for you? I mean, there's all, all sorts of things that you could answer that question
with like, well, what do you want? Well, I want, um, you know, any number of things.
It could be, um, it could be a health thing, you know, somebody like, okay, I really need to get
a hold of my health because I want to make it longer than whatever. And so that is something
that you're working on right now. So focus is a big thing. Like, what are you focusing on?
It better be answering, it better be. And it's one of the answers to like, what do you want?
What I want is this. Okay. So then that becomes your focus to start really focusing on.
Um, so that's a, that's a huge thing. Yeah. I love the fact that you've been,
I love the fact that you feel like you're in a good place. I love that. That's powerful.
Yeah. But to speak to what you're talking about with the lack of men, um,
we're like, yeah, I feel like maybe that would be a good goal to try to round up some guys to
bring them into the community. Is there any, like, if we all got like a guy to bring in,
you know, that could double, double the men that are here.
Absolutely. And, you know, I, I've got a friend that's down in Florida right now that, um,
you know, and I really believe, um, cause I told him this, cause he has, um, a men's movement that
he's working with and he's kind of like right now it's, he's not really public with it. I mean,
there's something that you can join and, um, there there's a program that he's putting together,
but he's not really like, he's not really pushing it and really like pushing it out
yet because he just really doing.
testing with it. So it's kind of in a beta phase right now. But, you know, and he's having some
great results with some breakthrough of the men that he's working with. He's got several hundred
men that he's connected with. And he was just, you know, touching base with us that like, you know,
we, Jackie introduced him and his wife several years ago. So that was, that was one of our,
you know, matches made in this community. And so it's just a really great story, you know,
like how we know him, but like now he's gone on to do this thing and we're like, wow, that's
incredible. You know, keep us, let us know, you know, how that's going. And, you know,
when you're ready to do that, because there may be a partnership or there may be something that
we're going to, to, to work with, because as I was saying to him on the phone, we were catching up
this men's revival, if you will, I hate to use the sort of the, the, the, the spiritual language,
but it, the men's Renaissance revival, whatever you want to call it, it's going to have to happen
on a massive, like, like bigger than one person scale. Like something is going to shift to where
this is going to sort of like break open for men to start gathering, start really responding,
start like, oh my gosh, like some sort of battle cry. And it's not going to be like,
you know, some engineered mediated sort of marketed movement. It's not going to be,
you know, come to a stadium, all the men and gather 30,000 men and try to get everybody
saved. I mean, that's wonderful. That's awesome. And maybe there will be men gathering stadiums.
I don't know, but I'm just saying, it's not going to be one person trying to make some sort of
movement. It's going to be a collection. It's going to be a gathering. It's going to be nameless,
so to speak. It's going to be something that is pivotal. And I, again, I don't know what it looks
like, but I know that it's very necessary. And because we can't go on in our world the way it is
without the influence of righteous men. We just, we can't. There's too many terrible and horrible
things that are afoot right now. Not that they haven't always been in terms of just history,
but it's just, it's diabolical. And there needs to be a righteousness, a righteous voice that
stands up. And again, I mean, it's, the converse is being shown right now,
especially in the church leadership that we're finding that they're struggling.
Yeah.
You have a lot of the, and I'm not going to comment on anything specific. I'm just saying,
there isn't, I mean, that isn't just happening accidentally. It's just not like, oh,
you know, here's another one. Here's another one. This is just consequential. No, no, no.
There is literally a revealing for these things to be known and to be had. There's a revealing,
and it's a sovereign thing. It's a God thing. Because he's like, look, we can't have,
I'm not going to have people representing the kingdom of God that aren't who they say they are,
in the sense of whether it's just their own thin, their own inconsistency, or their just
lack of strong leadership. And it's not political. It's not one side or the other. It's not,
it's not the regular jargon and the regular sort of like stuff that's out there, the Christianese.
It's not the religious right. It's not that that is rising up. I'm just telling you,
a lot of these things are being shaken so that something that is authentic and is real
will begin to appear and begin to rise up to a righteous place. And again, I don't know what
that looks like. But it's exciting. I look forward to it. Maybe it's a marketplace thing. I don't
know. Who knows? And there's a few voices out there that have gotten pummeled, actually,
in recent years, that sounded sort of like this, you know, reasonable, articulate,
able to gather, able to aggregate, and able to really get a strong message forward.
And, you know, some of those voices have been, have been really, like,
pummeled in their own person, because, and you can see it, I can see the resistance of
the enemy going, nope, not going to have, not going to have that. And so I just feel
like there's definitely a righteous answer to it. And again, I can't describe to you what that
looks like, because it's, it's not ready emerging yet. But anyway, that's just my little soapbox.
Um, so who else wants to jump in here tonight? I'm going to jump in as well.
From the last time we talked as well, and I appreciate, Chris, your last comment on
that.
You're very correct on that one.
A lot of them want us to make them happy.
And if we don't make them happy, then, you know, they're not going to be happy, and that's
just an immaturity on their part.
Absolutely.
There's a lot more North American—and I'm going to say this out loud, and even on the
recording—we have a lot of North American Western women who are so immature compared
to Asian or Aramaic-type women who are—they understand how to look after—because they
were trained how to look after a man.
They were equipped to do that.
But our women no longer are being equipped to do that.
And in doing so, they have this gimme, gimme, gimme, and while you look at it, a lot of
times, a lot of these women that I have seen out there, they say, I'm great and fit, and
I want to meet them.
It's like, are you kidding me?
If you're fit, then let's go jog around the block just once and see if you—you're so
winded you don't make it halfway around the block.
It's just that terrible nowadays.
They represent themselves so badly.
And I'm not saying guys don't do the same thing.
They do.
But my case here that I'm running across here, I've been seeing a younger woman for two and
a half years, and I'm helping her along and moving her.
She's far more mature in Christ now than she's ever been.
But her biggest problem is she fears her children.
She literally fears her children.
She fears their opinion, because they don't like me.
So she always comes up and says, well, I know they're not—and she says, I know they're
not going to like you.
And I say, well, hold on, let's back up the train.
How do you know this?
Are you a psychic?
Are you prophetic?
What?
No.
And I say, well, until they get to know me, but you're not allowing me to get to know
them.
And she says, but I already know they're not going to like you.
But yet she wants to be with me.
So here's this tug of war that we have, and her kids are from Australia right now.
They're in town for the last two weeks.
And she said she was going to talk to her girl, says, yes, Kenton and I are starting
to date, and we're just going to let you know that we're moving towards marriage.
And so I asked her to tell her children not to get their blessing, because I know I'm
not going to get their blessing.
And in the meantime, she hasn't done that, because this fear she has with her children.
And I have to make a decision, as soon as their children—if she hasn't told them,
I'm out.
I have to be out, because I can't wait along for some woman who's got this complex about
her children, because a lot of them in North America, if they don't live near their children,
they don't want anything to do with you.
They've forgotten that they're still alone.
And they've forgotten that—I says, well, then let your children look after you.
Do you think in North America they're going to do that?
I don't think so.
And so there's the struggle I'm having right at the present moment.
So, couldn't speak into that.
Yeah, no, Candid, I appreciate you sharing that, you know, and that situation is definitely
a very common one, for sure.
There's so many circumstances that surround, especially people that are later in life,
you know, have had children, had previous marriages, have had situations where they're
dealing with different stages of life, for sure.
And I appreciate you sharing that.
I just have one more thing, David.
She's talked to her children, and their children says, well, Kenton doesn't have a house, and
he hasn't got his finances in order, and et cetera, et cetera.
Well, I was divorced.
I had a huge legal battle going on.
I had to go bankrupt.
So I lost everything, and yet I'm in top shape that I've ever been.
And I've got a great job.
I mean, I'm making over $120,000 a year.
So it's not, I can't look after her, but her children are saying all this, and she's just
afraid to take that step forward, even though she knows she needs to make it.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, you're right, and it would be one thing if you're like, look, you know, like,
you're not, you don't have it together.
You don't, you're not out making money.
I mean, like, you definitely are, got the proof of like, I am reviving what I had, and
still have, and, you know, where I'm going.
So that's definitely evident.
And that's a great example of like, because, you know, I was doing the same thing when
I met Jackie.
I was driving a nine to four Buick Century with rusted out, like, that I bought for $2,500.
Because why?
because my two cars had gotten repossessed
several months before, and two cars in the same day.
And I was living in a house that was being foreclosed upon
because I was going through a divorce that I didn't want
because two incomes was what was making it happen
and the one goes away and you know what all happens there.
Just saw the house of cards comes down.
And the question is, well, why weren't you more prepared?
Why weren't you out of debt?
Why didn't you have things paid off?
Well, because I was living the American dream.
And the American dream was to be in $30,000 of debt
and living in a big house and two cars
and both got jobs and kids are in school
and you're making the whole thing happen.
And that was 2003 when that was all happening.
And 2003 was prior to a lot of the housing crisis
and people were being over mortgaged
and they were giving out mortgages like candy
back then in America.
And so this was a period in time where like circumstantially
a lot of people were just doing what they did.
And then I kind of avoided the housing crash
and I wasn't in the market,
but I lost everything before that.
It wasn't like, I just kind of had my own crisis
before the crisis came.
But yeah, circumstances happen,
but when you can go through that.
So my point is that this kind of stuff
happens to everybody.
And when you can go through that
and you can demonstrate that you're like,
look, I'm still at it.
I'm still working.
I'm still putting forth effort.
I mean, like that ought to be a sign to a woman.
So it's like, look, I just need a man.
Like I was able to demonstrate
even in my worst sort of situation to Jackie
that I was more solid than what she was looking at.
So maybe circumstantially I was just,
we were both down here and I was just a little up
and whatever, and it was enough for us to get married.
But look at us 19 years later and look at what God has done.
And I give all credit, all credit to the Lord
in spite of ourselves and doing what he's done.
But we had to be humble.
We had to be submissive.
We had to be hearing his voice.
We had to be, it took us a minute.
It took us a while.
We blended our family.
We were faithful to concentrate on our family.
And we were even, we could have put our best efforts forward
and marketed some things and went after wealth
or success if you would.
But we kind of didn't.
We kind of put that almost like that was secondary.
Our family was first.
And we now have the benefits of even that
because we are in relationship through authentic,
deep, spirit-filled, great relationship with our kids.
We travel with our kids.
We go on, we were able to hang out
and we just have just such a blessed situation with that.
But because we took the time to blend our family
and not necessarily go after success that we did later on.
Did we do that intentionally on purpose?
I don't know.
It was a little serendipitous.
I don't necessarily know.
It was all like a big plan,
but I'm just saying we can look back on that and go,
man, look at what God did.
And we tried to be as true and faithful as we could.
So there are probably some things guys
in your life right now that like,
look, this is more important
and I'm gonna concentrate on this.
And this is gonna be a strong,
this is gonna be a strength in the future.
Maybe it's a family thing.
Maybe it's something that's not success oriented,
if you will.
So there definitely are priorities,
but I want you to be led in that.
And I truly feel like you're going to find that still
with the question of what do I want?
We were asking ourselves that in that time period,
like what do we want?
We wanted our family to blend together
more than we wanted to be able to
have a big successful career.
And financially it was tough.
It was lean in those times.
It could have been better, but it wasn't,
but we were prioritizing our family before that.
Right, wrong or indifferent, that's what happened.
And we can see God's hand in it throughout that time.
Thanks Kenton for sharing.
Thank you, Jesse, man.
Thank you guys.
Jeremy, you got your hand raised.
Go ahead and like unmute there if you will,
but your comment was earlier.
Do you think there are more women than men in LYS
because women are more easily able to and vulnerable
to deal with emotionally, or vulnerable or emotional,
which drives them to seek growth and hard work?
Yes.
Part of the nature of how we gather at the community
online, sharing, all that kind of stuff,
yes, women are definitely more
willing and wanting to do that, for sure, than men.
That's why, as a marketing strategy to market to men,
doesn't work, so we don't do that.
We gather men because there are men that say,
hey, I need this and I want this.
And there are other women that are saying,
hey, I know this great guy that really needs this
and wants this, and they get introduced to us.
And it's just very much just organic part of the community.
So I will say that.
Go ahead, you have your hand up.
Yeah, no, I appreciate you sharing that.
One thing I just wanted to mention,
pertaining to what Kenton brought up was,
before I got married, I didn't have any debt.
The only debt I had really was a mortgage and a car.
I had gotten to the point where I paid everything else off
and my wife was in the exact same situation.
She was debt-free.
She worked really hard for years to do that.
It's very important to her because of how she grew up.
And whenever we got married,
within the first year to a year and a half, guess what?
We had things hitting us from left and right.
Like, for example, the AC went out
and we had to take out a loan
in order to be able to pay $10,000 for it.
So I would just encourage you in conversation
that with this young lady that,
what you're seeing right now has nothing to do
with what could potentially happen within marriage.
Everything that you see in your current status,
being single, is your current circumstances.
And one thing I do know, and I can testify 100%,
is the enemy most certainly does not like marriage.
He wants to destroy it.
So keeping that in mind,
I think what a lot of people lose track of
is your current circumstances,
especially because he hates marriage,
if you think there's complications right now,
well, it may be a different set of complications.
And when this lady and her kids are thinking about,
well, he doesn't have A, B, and C.
He's not checking all these boxes or whatever.
Well, guess what?
What really matters is whenever you do unite in marriage
and you do come up against those issues or struggles
where debt could come out of nowhere,
and it's about how a man decides to confront that
and to lead in that and be able to create
that steady foundation or that rock
that we're meant to be for our wife in the moment.
So I just wanted to share that
because when people are like,
oh, well, they have this, this, and this,
well, you have no idea
what that's gonna look like in marriage,
much less how that man
or how that woman's gonna show up in marriage.
Yeah, I think what you're trying to say
is just like, well, I actually had this happen to me.
I had a mentor of mine
before I encountered the greatest struggle of my life,
which was going through a divorce.
And he was literally, I was sitting in his office,
I was going on and on and on about stuff
and this and that and whatever.
And he just kind of stopped me and he goes,
have you ever failed?
And I'm like, what?
What do you mean if I ever failed?
Of course I failed.
He goes, no, no, no, no, no.
I mean, like, have you ever failed in life?
Like you ever failed to the point of like misery,
failed to the point where like,
your friends and your family
can't even stand to look at you
because you're such a failure.
Have you ever failed in life?
And I went, no.
And he was almost like, as if to say,
don't fail in life and then come back and we'll talk.
Like, it's just almost like,
it's like until you have experienced a measure of failure,
which I know a lot of you have.
I know a lot of you have come up through that,
whether it's, it doesn't even have to be marriage related.
This could be just like, yeah, that was miserable.
Like I totally bombed that.
I mean, that was like the worst of the worst.
You learn so much and what a man does.
I think this is kind of what like Jeremy was alluding to.
What a man does after that is very key to who that man is
and who that man wants to become.
Like when you walk through something, you're like, okay,
that's not gonna happen again.
This is gonna be different this time.
Like I'm rising to the challenge.
Like sometimes like this is probably why my second marriage
is the way it is more than my first marriage.
It doesn't always statistically work out that way
because a lot of second marriages fail more statistically
than even first marriages.
We already know that, right, the statistics.
But that's just because people are repeating
the same problems without any new information
or without any new habits or without,
they didn't learn from the first time, right?
So I think that's kind of what Jeremy's trying to say.
So, you know, like Kenton, I mean, you're demonstrating that.
I mean, I would say, you know,
been through what your hardship is
and all of you guys, if you're demonstrating this
after failure, and if you feel like
you're not demonstrating it,
like you didn't learn from failure,
I would just be curious for yourself.
Not hard, not demanding, not I'm terrible,
there's something wrong with me.
You know, nine times out of 10,
there's actually not something wrong with you.
It's just, you're not stepping up to the level
that you could, and you're not being curious enough.
There are some things that you need to stop doing.
There are some behaviors that you need to like,
don't do that anymore.
You know, that's just not, that's not helpful.
But most of it is you getting the curious about who you are,
and then through that curiosity,
finding ways to become not only better, but stronger,
develop greater habits,
answering the question of what do you want,
finding, taking action in that,
and then building that confidence through that process
to become the man you really wanna be,
getting real focused, getting truly honest,
truly intentional.
You should, every single one of us, me included,
we should look at ourselves,
and we should identify things in our life
that should no longer be or should be totally different.
And we should come to those things and say,
look, this thing, no more, not doing it.
I'm not thinking this way.
I'm not behaving this way.
I'm not, I'm cutting this out of my life.
And you could be like, well, I tried that before,
and it doesn't work, and da-da-da, no, no, no.
No excuses, no nothing.
And it's not about somebody putting it on,
because usually what happens is somebody,
something is putting that on you and challenging you with it,
and you haven't made it your own yet.
That's a big difference.
When it's not somebody else making you,
it's not a system that's making you.
If it's not something that's putting a demand upon you,
but that change comes from within,
and you can honestly look at your life
and look at the circumstances and say, you know what?
I don't like that.
I don't like that about myself.
I don't like that about how I handle this
or what I do with this.
I don't like this situation, whatever it is.
And you can honestly look at that situation yourself
and say, I'm going to do something about this.
I'm going to change.
I'm going to focus,
and this is not gonna be true of me in a year.
This is not gonna be true of me in six months,
but put a time limit on it.
This is going to be like, I mean,
even as simple as clearing out your email box,
like Thomas's example is a perfect example
of something kind of small,
but actually can be quite powerful
because it's like, what would it mean
if your inbox was clean?
What would it mean if your house was clean?
What would it mean if all the dishes were actually cleaned
and put away and they stayed clean
and put away every day, every week, every month?
That would mean that when you walk into the kitchen
and hey, I'm speaking to myself, guys.
I'm not harboring any of you.
That means I can walk out in the morning
and I don't walk into stress.
That means I don't start my day in stress
when I've got crap laying all over the floor,
when it could have just been like,
hey, when you take that.
off, don't throw it on the floor, just hang it up or throw it in the clothes bin, one or the other,
but it doesn't go on the floor. I mean, these are simple examples, but I'm talking about stuff that
you can really, really change and maximize. Maybe it just starts with your physical environment.
Maybe it starts with your health. Maybe it starts with simple things you can do at your job.
Maybe you are disciplined and you're like, dude, I've got that. I'm already good. I'm all that.
All that, a bag of chips. Now maybe it's onto something like relationships or something that's
pretty heavy stuff. Like I'm going to write a book. I've got something in me to share. I'm
going to start something. You're going to start a business. You're going to start an initiative.
You're going to start a nonprofit. Maybe there's something like that that's in your future.
So I'm just telling you, you have to start where you're at to make the change that's necessary
for you to get where you want to be. And that should be the strongest voice that's going to
get you to that change is your own voice going, you know what? That's it. I'm just going to do it.
I'm going to make up my mind. I'm going to change. I'm going to focus and I'm going to do this.
Will you fail? Yes. Will you not be good at it at first? Yes.
But the truth is, is if you keep at it, if you keep taking action, if you keep being focused,
if you do things like put things in front of you and put your goals in front of you,
if you take all, I mean, there's a thousand different things out there as far as like
habit builders and things that you can do. I found with you guys, I find certain voices
and certain people that are very inspired to me. Not all of the voices out there that are
supposed to be inspiring and whatever, and challenging, whatever. One voice I find
inspiring actually is Tony Robbins. That may sound cheesy. That may sound like really old
school and weird. I just kind of find the guy very inspiring. I think he's actually quite
authentic. If you don't, that's cool, but find whatever voice resonates with you that sounds
authentic to you if you need assistance with that, but you definitely have to own your change.
It cannot be, in my case, my wife wanting it for me more than me. It can't be my kids.
It can't be society wanting this and trying to put stuff on me that I'm like irritated by.
It can't be the media showing me pictures of like, oh, this is what you could look like. This is what
you could be. I'm going to be what I'm going to be when I decide I want to be it.
That ought to be your mantra. That ought to be you saying, you know what? I am. I'm going to
decide that this is who I'm going to be. Come hell or high water, I'm going to do it.
Make up your mind and then sense the resolve inside of you that lines up with that when you
make those statements and when you really try and finally make up your mind and you're like,
I'm going to do this. There's a power that really just kind of like rises within you
when you finally do that for real. Okay, David, you've had your hand raised, Mr. iPhone.
Well, I'll give you a chance.
Yeah, I love it. It's funny that you mentioned Tony Robbins because for me,
you're the voice that's that, what is that voice in your life that's like, that pushes you to voice.
For me, it's you and I'm like, and I'm like, I took a ton of notes and I was like,
because I was like, Lord, I just need, I need one of David Dorman's talks where he's going to like
tell me, Hey, change your life. So thank you for that.
Okay. All right, good. Praise God.
And I think for me, my question is, is, so I've kind of been struggling with long distance because
I kind of live in the middle of nowhere and I live in a college town, so there's like five
universities in my town, but everybody who's single is kind of 22 and that's not my age range.
And I find most young professional women in my age range are either in cities two to three hours
away. And so that's kind of where I've been at.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, pro, I mean,
Can you move?
I can.
I can, but I like it here.
I'm called here.
Oh, OK.
Well, I mean, seriously, though, that, to me,
does come down to literally, like, you know people,
have you ever heard people, I'm talking to everyone,
you know people like this.
You're like, oh, man, I've always
wanted to fill in the blank.
I've always wanted to live where whatever.
I've always wanted to live near the water.
I've always wanted to go somewhere.
And the question is just like, why don't you?
You know?
If that's a true statement, it's almost
like those are the kind of inquisitive things.
That's why I'm talking about being curious about yourself.
You have to start listening to some
of those authentic things that come up in your head
that you dismiss so easily.
Why do you dismiss them?
You dismiss them because they're impractical.
Somebody told you that wasn't available.
You look at your real circumstances.
Like, I can't afford that.
I can't do that, blah, blah.
And you automatically start dismissing things
and trying to answer the question of what do you want.
And that's where curiosity and just really
being honest in that question of what do you want
gets you to the authentic truth of what's inside of you.
Because you'll never, I can say it kind of like really badly,
which is like, you'll never do what you really
want to do unless you listen.
I mean, like, no.
You just, that is the most authentic thing and person
you can be is when you're honest with yourself
and when you're continually going after like,
what do you want?
And then being curious about it instead
of self-deprecating about it.
Don't beat yourself up.
Don't say, yeah, but I'm a piece of crap.
Yeah, but I'm this and that.
And where you just constantly defeat yourself.
Replace that with, why?
Like, why do I do that?
Why am I this way?
What happened?
Be curious.
Like, what is going on?
Ask other people, like, hey, I feel like I'm this way.
Do you feel like I'm that way?
And like, why do you think I'm that way?
And sometimes that's kind of risky
because you could get some answers.
You're like, oh, then you make an invitation to somebody
to hate on you.
And you're not trying to do that.
But you're just trying to get feedback, right?
And so being curious, like, why do I live here?
Seriously.
Like, I'm not kidding.
Like, why do I actually live here?
And you might find, I don't know why I live here.
It's just because I exist here.
Well, do you want to live there?
No, I actually don't.
Where do you want to live?
You know, it's just like that kind of level of curiosity
on all the things that you're facing,
that gets you to a place where you're like, OK, I can actually
start dreaming.
I can actually start making some ideas.
I can actually start seeing myself.
I can visualize what could be instead
of where I'm just in prison.
And then if you start making decisions towards that,
you're like, you know what?
I'm going to do this.
I'm going to travel to the place.
I'm going to go do the thing.
I'm going to go be the person.
That is powerful.
And that is what changes the world, gentlemen.
That's what makes the difference in this world.
And then, my God, what if you're doing all of that
and that becomes such a level of attraction
that a young lady wants to come and join that
and wants to be that with you?
Oh, my God.
My brain just exploded.
Like, what could be is you living your best life,
and that's the most attractive thing that just happened.
Like, my God, that's what movies are made of.
That's what stories are made of.
But you can have the best of both worlds.
The Bible says it.
You can actually have life and life more abundantly.
That's what it says.
Yeah, so it's about answering your own question.
Like, OK, you said your call there.
Now, that's you saying that.
Yeah, and I've been in ministry here for, like, 15 years.
So I've run a ministry.
And so I would say for you, like, I would say for you,
that's like, OK, cool.
I'm called here.
And if you have that resolve in your heart for whatever
reason, whatever.
however you articulate that, that's fine.
But I would still even be curious about that,
not into challenging it, but just continuously curious.
I'm like, okay, Lord, am I still called here?
Is this still my calling?
Like, if you're gonna put it in the realm of calling,
just be curious about it.
What's the calling for?
What's the calling about?
Where is this leading?
Where's this, there's always,
I feel like there's always progress in the kingdom.
And the reason this is because there's a lot of,
there's a lot of the line to go down.
You know what I mean by that?
Like, there's a lot to do, there's a lot to see,
there's a lot of experience to have,
and I feel like there's always more in the kingdom.
So, you know, you could feel like,
oh, what you're trying to say is it's,
you know, there's, I'm not enough.
No, I'm not trying to say you're not enough.
I'm just trying to say that there's always more.
And so you should be curious about the more.
So,
I love that.
But that was my first inclination to you, David,
was to go, oh, can you move?
I was just like, I don't know.
I don't know if that's the answer,
but I'm just kind of throwing that out there.
So praise God, be curious about it.
I find myself wondering, like,
do you kind of feel like I feel at times
where we're, you know, big moves like that.
Like, I've been here for 15 years,
now I'm gonna move, I'm gonna uproot
my entire life ministry existence and go somewhere else.
I always feel when I have those big thoughts
that I'm running out of time.
Everything in my life is a time limit.
I'm like, I'm 39, and I see that tick over to 40
as a death sentence, and I know it's not true,
but maybe he feels kind of that way
because I'm like, okay, well, how am I gonna do it?
I'm gonna have to start from square one again?
I've already started from square one.
How many square ones have I had?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I get it, I get it.
Trust me, when I turned 50,
I became very aware of my time,
and I really wasn't that kind of an individual.
You know, I've known people that were like 25,
and they're like, oh my God, you know,
I'm losing time and everything,
and they're just kind of like wired that way,
and I'm like, I get it.
And that always intrigued me.
I was just like, why do you feel that way?
Like, it's no big deal.
I did not feel I was missing out on time
until I got to like 50,
and all of a sudden, I started like,
and I think probably what happened with me
was I started seeing the end of my parents.
Like, all of my parents are still living,
but they're definitely coming up to like
a really true like end.
Like, I don't know how much longer, you know,
they're gonna be.
Like, I don't know how many more Christmases.
I don't know how many more like, you know, birthdays.
And it becomes a real number.
Like, you're going, whoa, this way, whoa, what?
And it kind of just dawns on you.
And then I just start,
because I've been getting involved with my dad's,
you know, estate and a bunch of stuff that's going on.
Like, I just, you know, like just that planning.
Like, I just never had to do that.
And so here I am at like 50,
now I'm dealing with all this.
Now my life becomes start,
I start calculating my rest of my existence, you know?
So I get the whole time thing.
But, and it is a real sense for sure.
But at the same time,
I think getting down like to the answer of like,
what do you want?
And that what do you want question
is in spite or in the face of,
regardless of what happens.
Like, there are some things that you cannot control.
You cannot control the comet that's headed toward earth,
that's going to blow up earth.
Can't do anything about it.
Okay?
I use it as an extreme example,
because it's like, you can't do anything about it.
So like, what are you going to do?
You're going to live to your fullest?
You're going to sit under a sofa and just waste away?
You're going to like, like, what are you going to do?
So the question of what do you want
is regardless of anybody likes what I'm doing,
champions what I'm doing,
wants to go with me on this journey of what I'm doing,
of whether it's flies in the face of convention,
what I want is key.
And I'm not talking about going and doing terrible,
bad, horrible things with your life.
I'm actually talking about true, like,
hey, this is what I really want authentically out of life.
And going after that, that is going to be your best play,
your best strategy ever.
If you can get clear on that and continue to be clear.
I mean, it may, you may not have the big picture right now.
you may have just the next step.
So it's a question that you continue to ask.
It's not something that you just ask once and go, OK,
I made up my mind.
That's what I'm going to do.
And then you're like, oh, I went and did this thing
and I didn't work out.
So now what I'm going to do?
No, it's not like that.
And I feel like that's kind of what you're saying.
It's kind of like, well, I did move.
And then I did this.
And then I had that.
And I had started over.
And I get that.
But maybe you look back and you go,
why did those things happen?
Did I play a part in that?
Was that just circumstantial?
Did life just happen to me in that?
And asking yourself the question is like, well, if it wasn't me
and life was just happening to me, that sucks.
But how can you put yourself in a position
where life doesn't happen to you like that?
That's the curious.
So it's a continuous, curious question,
not a never-ending thing like, oh, you never
get to the answer, but just a pursuit of authenticity,
pursuit of truth.
Have you been, were you married once before?
Yeah, my wife passed away about 10 years ago.
What's the starting over for you?
Marriage, career, what is it?
Yeah, my wife passed about 10 years ago.
And I have to be realistic about my,
because I'm standing in the blessing.
I have a house.
I have a job that actually allowed me to buy a house.
So I know that it's a fake.
It's a lie that I have not progressed,
that I have not built a life that is better.
Yeah.
Yeah, just be honest with yourself.
You know what?
I'm not going to believe that lie anymore.
I'm going to start really focusing in
on the things that are positive and good.
And then what are the things that I
want out of that good thing?
I want this house that I have, that I have this great job.
I want it to be a home.
So therefore, that's the focus for your want right there.
That's something.
You're like, OK, I want that.
Do you feel like you can't have that?
Do you feel like you're unworthy of having that?
If you do, that's a lie.
Yeah.
I think that's what I was saying before.
It's not that I can't have it.
It's that I ran out of time.
I've made bad choices in relationships.
And now I'm out of time.
God had it.
He's like, hey, your 30s is a great time.
I know you wanted kids.
So we're going to get you rearranged.
And somehow, that's the arrogance,
is that somehow me, little Chris,
derailed the God of the universe's plan
by some of my silly choices.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I mean, everything's redeemable, truly.
I don't mean that just like, oh, it's OK.
I mean, yeah, you probably did screw up.
You probably did mess up with those relationships.
But so what?
So what?
What did you learn from it?
And you're like, OK, yeah, I'm getting, I'm just,
and it really does, a lot of times,
does come down to really kind of,
it's kind of counterintuitive, getting the attention off
of ourselves onto sort of the greater thing.
Because what do you want also leads you
into a grander thing that is kind of beyond you.
It's kind of like people say this all the time,
people like Tony Robbins or those kind of people
say the things like, if you can solve the great mystery
of your life, the great big want,
and you can figure it all out, your vision is too small.
Like your vision and what do you want out of life,
your goal should be bigger than what you can
understand accomplishing it.
So that causes you to stretch, to reach out to something
that's like, wow, I want that.
I'm going to go after that.
I'm going to go for that.
And again, that could be a mission-oriented idea.
That could be a career that's tied to a mission
sort of oriented idea.
That could be something that you start
that's like a business or some initiative.
That could be like, I want to take massive action right now
in my family, because even though I have a close
relationship with my kids, I don't
have the direct connection with each child like I want.
So there's a short-term mission that I'm
going to do to say, I'm going to schedule 30 minutes
with every single one of my kids.
And I have three kids, and they have three spouses.
And my oldest is about to be married, so he's engaged.
So that means I've got six kids.
I've got to follow up with, because I'm going to be in, so I decided in my head, in my heart,
I'm going to be in relationship with my children, including my, my in-laws.
So I'm going to, I'm going to go after trying to connect with each one of them consistently.
That's a big goal of mine because I want to have, I'm focused right now in my life on
the accomplishment goal of my life is to accomplish something so that I can leave the legacy.
I want to, when I pass from this earth, I'm 54, I'm going to give myself 30, 40, 50 years.
I'm just going to be, I'm just going to be really, really like, you know, like, I don't
know.
I'm going to give myself a lot of time, so I don't know, but I'm not going to cut myself
short is all I'm saying.
I'm going to give myself a lot of time, but what I'm saying is I want for the next many
decades, I want to establish something that I can not only hand off to my kids, not just
give away, but like actually set up a structure, a wealth, family, generational business structure
that they can then run with their vision in.
And that's a lofty big goal.
It's huge, but it is my mission in life right now.
That's my, that's my great, great dream and purpose, you know?
So that takes, there's a lot of work, a lot of research, a lot of learning, a lot of curiosity,
a lot of goal setting, a lot of changed behavior in me to get to that point, a lot of stuff
on the line.
So I don't have time to sit around and think about, well, when am I going to, I'm done,
I'm over with, I'm just going to sit here and in the easy chair and watch football for
the rest of my life because I'm just an old guy, you know what I'm saying?
So I don't have, I don't have the time to do that.
So when you have a vision like that, that becomes like, wow, I got, I got work to do.
I got stuff to be about, I got something to wake up in the morning for instead of just
laying there and going, I don't want to sleep another 15 minutes, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
And you're saying vision beyond the old vision.
Because that gives you something to reach out for.
Yeah.
And so if you, if you can start dreaming that way and start thinking that way and start
like just being open to it, being curious about it, it leads you into a greater version
of yourself because you're living beyond yourself and now you're not living in regret.
You're not living in a limitation of time.
You're not living in a, oh, I've only done this and this, you know, who, what, what does
it matter?
I'm 39 pressing 40 and like, literally I turned, when I turned 50, a good friend of mine, I
was lamenting and I said, yeah, my birthday's in a couple of days, I'm about to turn 50.
I said it just like that.
I'm like, man, I'm turning 50 and he goes, oh, and this guy was turning 60 and he goes,
oh, the fifties are your greatest decade.
I'm like, what?
He goes, oh yeah, no, your fifties are, your fifties are great.
I'm like, what?
You gotta be kidding me.
He goes, oh yeah, that's great.
I'm like, okay.
And I literally took that as I believed him.
And then I started like, oh my gosh, my fifties are great.
Like I've been like seeing life differently.
And if, and quite honestly, this is a real statistic.
There is actually more productivity, especially financially.
The greatest decade financially of like financial achievement in most men's lives is actually
their 60th decade.
I don't know if you knew that or not, but where, where, where most wealth, like if you're
talking just wealth and like money building, like you can make a million dollars a year,
like in your, like say you're like an early millionaire.
Okay, great.
Good for you.
But if you steward that wealth and you turn it into like hundreds of millions or you take
your tens of thousands and turned it into a couple million, the greatest, like the greatest
ramping up or that, that curve that goes up in finance average on average, the greatest
growth period in, in, in men's lives is their sixties.
Believe it or not, that's because men that are actually wealthy or have some sort of
wealth to speak of, they've actually learned enough in their life.
They've actually gained enough, garnered enough resources.
their life to the point at their 60s, by the time they hit 60, they have put it into motion
to where the ramping up of that success and the accumulation and the multiplication of that growth
happens more on average in their 60s than any other decade. It's true.
So, I'm just saying, you've got actually a lot to look forward to.
All right. Your lips to God's ears. I'm all for it. And I think I do need to be more realistic
in my self-talk and what I mentioned previously, that I do have more to give. I am valuable to
Kingdom. And also, in the relationships, I did make mistakes. I've been honest about it, but
it wasn't just me. There were two people in that relationship.
Yeah, absolutely. A thousand percent.
I got to remember that it wasn't always me.
Yeah. A thousand percent. Absolutely. What is your career? Just curious. Again,
I probably asked you before, but...
You got a million people to keep track of, though. I'm in law enforcement. I'm a dispatcher.
I answer 911, do the radio for police.
Oh, wow. Okay. Okay. Wow. So, do you want to advance in that career?
Oh, yeah. I do want to go into supervising and all that. I really do think this is
finally the calling. I was a teacher for a decade. And through a series of circumstances
that I believe was God-led, I'm now in this entirely different career that doesn't match
the thing I went to college for. But I do think I landed where I belong.
Okay. Awesome. Praise God. Okay. Cool. God, well, I bless you in that. Speak life over that. Awesome.
All right, guys. We're well beyond the time. Thanks for paying attention. Thanks for sharing.
All of you guys that had stuff to just kind of share and gather together, thank you for
being here. Thank you for being faithful. Thank you for being good, godly men. We need you,
and we need more of you. So, in Jesus' name, I pray a blessing over each one of these,
those that had to get off and leave early, and those that will watch this and replay,
I just bless you, speak life over you, speak health, wealth, and knowledge,
and growth in Jesus' name. Amen and amen. Until next time, guys. God bless.