WEBVTT

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Um, but welcome. Welcome. Welcome. It is February 10th. It is.

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1 o'clock Eastern so good to see you. Also, yes, I've got some hand raised.

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Um, I do want to get through the content fairly quickly. I see lots of you on how many of you we have on today? We've got 18, including myself.

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So, many more of you today than usual. So that is good.

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I'm glad that you are all able to be here. I know this 1 o'clock hour is sometimes a bit challenging because of work.

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And so I definitely want to get better at making these short, brief and powerful.

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Um, a couple of things real quick.

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Um, housekeeping 1st of all, do I have any new ladies on?

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Um, Phase 2. Sarah, good to see you. Do I have anybody else that's brand new Phase 2?

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Is it Annalie? Annalie? I'm butchering your name.

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What is it? Annalie. Annalie. I love that name. It's beautiful.

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Annalie. Okay. So, good to have you.

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So, welcome ladies. Um, if you have any questions about Phase 2, don't hesitate to ask those in the app.

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We'll definitely keep you updated. I know it's sometimes it's a transition from Phase 1 to Phase 2.

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Um, we have content for you to watch and cover. Don't rush through just like Phase 1.

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This is, this is not, this is not a sprint. Okay.

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Your foundation work is going to be in Phase 1 and in Phase 2.

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Phase 1, especially because it's the heartwork stuff, because that heartwork is what you're going to continue to use throughout the program,

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throughout life, throughout marriage. Okay.

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So, for those of you that do not know me, I am Carla Johnson. I am one of your coaches here at Last Year Single.

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Just a quick background. I came to know Jackie in 2020 when she first launched Last Year Single.

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Um, I came in as a single myself. I am a success story to the program.

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I've now been married about two and a half years, um, and I'm currently going through the newly launched Spiritmate Couples Heartwork with my husband, in fact.

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And so we are even going through heartwork together. And so we're testing out that, that new program as well.

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So, um, really cool things. So, like I said, you will use heartwork continuously.

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So, again, what you've learned in Phase 1, you're going to continue to learn here in Phase 2.

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Okay. We're going to start you dating here in Phase 2. You don't have to, you don't have to, like, dive into the deep end.

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We, pace, pace yourself here. Okay. Some ladies like to, they like to hit the ground running.

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Other ladies are like, let me just chill and kind of watch for a minute. Totally fine.

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Okay. Don't rush the process. Um, we're here for you. We'll walk you through the process.

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Um, and then we will walk you through the heart, like, heartworking as you go through the dating because that will happen.

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Okay. Heartwork will begin to surface as you're getting into dating, um, relationships or things will start to trigger you because now you're going to be interacting with men.

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And if you've been hurt by men, you're going to get triggered by men.

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If you've been hurt in a relationship, you're going to get healed in a relationship. Okay. If you've been hurt in family, you're going to get healed in family.

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So maybe if it's meeting somebody's family, even like that can trigger you too. Okay.

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Or having to deal with children or whatever, there's all sorts of things that can come into play.

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As you start navigating dating, um, old wounds from past relationships will begin to surface.

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Those fears will start creeping in. And so we'll want to address those as they come up.

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Um, the best thing for you to do is continue to show up in our community post, post, post, let us know what's going on, what's going on in your heart.

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What are you, um, what are you celebrating? What are you struggling with? What, you know, it's got highlighting to you.

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What wins are you experiencing? Um, what questions do you have with the content?

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Any and everything, whether it's dating related or not, bring it to our community and we will help you process it.

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Okay. Um, again, I said, um, before the call, but some of you might have just jumped on.

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Thank you for always extending grace, especially as we're navigating, um, some of these new updates and as coaches are not getting the same notifications as before.

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So, um, we're doing the best we can to get to all your replies, especially when you're replying to us after we've replied to you.

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So I know I myself like to ask y'all good hearty questions, especially heartwork stuff.

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And so if you have replied to me and I have not been able to get to you, no, I am diligently trying to scroll through those.

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Okay. Um, and then don't forget ladies that we do offer one-on-one coaching.

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It does come at an additional fee.

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but some ladies have found that it is a good investment for them because it does give you

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50 minutes of one-on-one time with an actual coach. So it's like these group settings,

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but it's just you and a coach. So myself, Ebony, we're on that list. There's a handful of other

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coaches in our last year single program that are available as well. When you click on us,

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you can see our schedule and you can book a call with us. But like I said, it is 50 minutes. It is

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an additional charge. Okay. But lots of people get great breakthrough. I usually get a couple

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calls a week and it's really incredible to see the breakthrough that a lot of women get

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because we're able to dialogue back and forth together a little bit more than we can here in

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these group calls because we have more of us here. But I don't want to take away from what

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you can glean here in this community, in this group call. Okay. A lot of teaching happens when

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y'all ask your questions here, whether it's here on the live call or whether it's in the app.

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Okay. Be going in the app. Check out your sister's questions. Look at the responses. You're going to

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grow and learn from stuff, from what they're experiencing, what wisdom they're getting,

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all of it. Okay. So definitely take a look at that. Okay. And then next week, next Tuesday,

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so it's the 17th, we are going to probably do another one of our come ready to be

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as if you're going on like a video date and we'll give you some tips and feedback. Sam girl,

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I love it. She's got, she's, she's all done up. I love it. I'm so excited. Um, so yeah,

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definitely we'll do that. We did that about six, six or seven weeks ago, maybe five weeks ago. I

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can't remember. Um, come camera ready with the cameras on and we will give you tips and feedback.

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I mean, I've got lots of you ladies on looking great. Okay. But if you want some tips and tricks

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on how to do those zoom calls, how to kind of show up like zoom call date ready. Okay. It's a

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new season. I know Jackie did this for us and I was so thankful for it because I'm like, I've never

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like done a video date before. Like, what is that? Like, how, how do you do that? So, um,

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it was super, super helpful for me. So we're able to give you feedback. Um, it will probably,

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I'm going to hope, hope that we're going to get through that a lot quicker this time around than

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we did the first time we did it. Cause that was definitely longer than I had anticipated. So I

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don't want it to go too long. Cause I want to make room for questions. Um, but for today,

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um, we're just going to talk a little bit about confidence and insecurity.

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Um, that definitely shows up, especially once you ladies, um, start jumping into dating.

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I'm going to take my coffee here real quick. Cause my mouth is getting dry. Um, but yeah,

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go ahead and raise your hand if you're going to have questions. Cause I do want to see,

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um, how many questions I do have. Cause that will prompt me to

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definitely scoot through this, um, much faster. Good, good. I love it. Fantastic. Okay. So yeah,

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we definitely want to address those, those insecurities and we want to help you ladies

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build confidence. Okay. Um, believe it or not insecurities will, will actually sometimes even

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hold you from jumping into dating. So this doesn't even have to be like, well, Carl, I'm not even

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dating yet. So I don't even know if I have insecurities. Well, if you're not dating yet,

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there could be some insecurities there and that's okay. I was one of those. I didn't date for a full

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year in this program. I have lots of insecurities, which I will, um, you know, be very candid with

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you about my insecurities. I'm definitely very much an open book with you ladies. Um, so I will,

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you know, put myself out there first and then you ladies can share your insecurities with me,

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um, if you are comfortable. Um, and then, um, we'll talk about how we navigate that.

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How do we take those insecurities and look at those and figure out through heartwork,

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how can we shift those? How can we look at those insecurities and see, okay, those are just

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what maybe we think are facts in our own reality. And it might actually be facts of things that

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have happened in our life, but it doesn't necessarily mean that it is truth, that it's

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God's truth. And so that's where that heartwork comes in. Okay. And so basically insecurities are

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just, you know, fears, anxieties, uncertainties about yourself. Okay. And we're confidence is

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where you actually feel.

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Like you're ready, like you're ready, you have confidence,

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like you are, here I'm using the word confidence

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to define confidence, where you really are,

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you're like, you know what, I feel good.

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And I actually believe that when I show up,

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I am who I am and I'm comfortable with that.

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Okay, we're, if we're insecure, we're a little unsure.

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We're not sure about ourselves.

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So confidence is just being sure.

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We know what the truth is.

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We know what God's truth is.

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We don't have to be afraid of it.

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We can show up because we got nothing to lose.

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God's got us, right?

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Okay, so let's talk about some insecurities, all right?

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If you know some insecurities

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that you have right off the bat,

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go ahead and put them in the chat.

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Share what some of your insecurities are

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and I will bet a lot of what y'all post,

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many of you will share very similar insecurities,

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believe it or not.

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Yes, both sessions is, Paul, I'm thinking you were asking,

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are both sessions on confidence and insecurities?

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Yes.

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Feeling like others are better than you.

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That is definitely one.

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I mean, especially if you're going into dating,

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especially if you're doing online dating,

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I don't know about you,

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like you're online dating and you're like,

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well, certainly they're gonna find somebody else

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that they're gonna be more interested in,

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especially if they're not responding to you right away.

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Someone's responding to you

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and then all of a sudden they just kind of stop.

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Oh, there's probably somebody better out there.

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They probably found somebody better, right?

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Totally, it totally happens.

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And sometimes like maybe they were talking to somebody else

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and that doesn't necessarily mean

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that we're not worth something.

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It just means there's a better person suited

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out there for them.

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And then that person who they're talking,

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that person that you're talking to

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is better suited for somebody else.

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And there's somebody else out better for you.

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Did that make sense?

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I was kind of like wrapped around here,

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but it's literally, yeah.

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Like Sam said, it's that feeling of not being chosen.

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But what is the truth?

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The truth is, is that we are chosen.

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I love Jackie used to always say,

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all it takes is one.

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Y'all, you're just marrying one person.

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So you're not going to get everybody to say yes to you.

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If you do, it's probably going to cause you more drama

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than you like to handle.

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My husband always likes to say, he's like,

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he never understands how, he's like,

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I don't get why men have more than one person to date.

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He's like, or even when they get married,

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he's like, I don't understand why men when they're married,

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why they would have other women.

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He's like, one is enough.

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Now, mind you, he's married to me.

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And sometimes I'm like, honey, is that a compliment?

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Like, are you feeding me a compliment right now?

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Like, okay.

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I mean, and he is, but he's, it's true.

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Like, I'm like, why would you want to preoccupy yourself

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with more than one person?

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My son's tablet is up and talking to me right now.

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Very strange.

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Sorry if you heard that.

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I'm like, who is that man talking to me right now?

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Who is in my house?

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It was my son's tablet.

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Okay.

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So yeah, like, again, it's, you only need one.

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Trust me, if you got more than one saying yes to you

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all the time, you're going to have more things

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on your plate that you want.

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And believe it or not, we do sometimes,

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like some women are like,

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I'm dating like a few guys at the same time

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and I don't know what to do.

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That's why I always tell you ladies,

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like once you get a couple,

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like you don't have to continue to stay in the app.

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Like, it's okay.

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You're not going to miss out on anybody.

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All right.

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You just, just feel out the couple

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that you got conversations going with.

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They'll weed themselves out or you'll weed them out,

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whatever happens.

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And then you could just jump back in

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and get it and pick up another one if you need to.

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Okay.

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There's no, no rushing.

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Okay.

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So yeah.

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So let's read some of these insecurities.

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So we had the not being chosen,

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that there's someone better out there.

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Okay.

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Okay, let me keep going up here,

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cause it scrolled down.

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So yeah, again, that never getting chosen,

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no matter how great I am, never getting chosen,

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that you're gonna be put on the back burner,

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that you're just gonna be in their rotation,

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that, you know, so, you know,

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you're making sure that you don't put all your eggs

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in one basket, you know, that happens.

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So maybe you're used to kind of putting your eggs

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in a couple different baskets, so in case,

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cause if you put all your eggs in one basket,

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they might throw you on that back burner,

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and then you're like, well, what do I do now?

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And so it is about this balance,

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and it's going in with confidence,

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and so it's about learning,

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like how do we gain that confidence?

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So again, we can definitely dig in to more on that,

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and so, like I said,

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I definitely wanna make room for questions,

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so we can definitely pull out more of these things

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and how we can navigate those things.

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Yep, again, the not feeling good enough,

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some, okay, Callie is talking about, you know,

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being insecure about bringing nothing

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to the table financially, you know,

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especially if you've been in divorce, ladies,

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and believe it or not, it's funny,

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cause my husband and I were talking about this,

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my husband was on the men's call last night,

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and he was talking about, you know,

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some of the insecurities that men have,

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and we were talking about it,

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that, you know, some of the men think

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that women only want men that are financially stable,

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and he's like, and some of the men are like,

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I've been divorced,

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and, you know, it's not that I'm not working

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and I'm not financially stable,

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it's just this divorce kind of costs me a lot,

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and I'm having to like build back up again.

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And so they get insecure thinking that, you know,

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just because they might live in an apartment

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and not have an own a home,

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because they had to sell the home in the divorce,

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but they have an apartment

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and they have a very good paying job,

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that now a woman might not date them

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or feel that they're valuable

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because they don't have something.

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So that happens to men

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just as much as it happens to us women.

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And so Callie, I can relate to that.

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So I told you ladies, I was going to share some of my own,

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I was gonna get, you know,

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transparent and open with you ladies,

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that was a concern of mine too.

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I was a single mom, I was in my late thirties,

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I was really afraid that men weren't gonna wanna date me

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because I was a single mom,

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that they thought that I was only gonna want them

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for their money, that I only wanted to be provided for.

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I was a school teacher for some time

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and it was a great job.

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I worked really hard to get there.

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And then I became a single mom.

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I was, you know, seven months pregnant

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when my son's dad chose to walk out.

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And I was like having to juggle single mom

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to a infant baby, toddler.

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And then for any of you that are teachers,

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I know I probably have a few out there,

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y'all know how consuming being a teacher is,

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very, very time consuming.

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And your day doesn't end when the kids get dismissed

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and your day doesn't begin when the bell rings.

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Your day starts from the moment you wake up

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to the moment you go to bed,

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especially if you, you know, you really poor,

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if you are just have a servant's heart

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and you love children, like that just happens.

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And so that was really challenging for me.

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I was having to balance being single mom

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and a teacher where I wanted to pour into my students.

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And it just became, for me, it just, it wasn't,

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it just didn't feel like that's what God had called me

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to do and so I ended up stepping away for some time

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from teaching and was working as my second job

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as my full-time job.

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My second job as a teacher, because that's another thing.

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Not only was I teaching and being a single mom teaching,

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I was then having a part-time job

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waiting tables on the side.

302
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And I was like, I don't wanna do this.

303
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I don't wanna have two jobs and be a single mom.

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And then I was trying to even start like a side business.

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So I was trying to put in another thing on my plate.

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And I was like, I can't do this.

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And so I left teaching.

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And I was like, okay, I'm just going to focus on waiting tables.

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And you know, that wasn't a very, for many, especially where I was living, I was living

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in Sarasota, Florida.

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It's very, very bougie.

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Okay.

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It's very high end.

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And so, you know, for some guys in that 30 to 40 age bracket, they were kind of already

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making something of themselves.

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And so dating a single mom that was a waitress wasn't very successful in their eyes.

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That's the way I saw it.

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I thought guys were literally rejecting me because I was just a single mom, waitress,

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not really making much money, had nothing to bring, nothing to offer to the table, not

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only financially, but intellectually anything.

321
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Only being a single mom, never being married.

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What Christian guy's going to want to date me?

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Because I wasn't a virgin and I wasn't married before.

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So do you see how all of those insecurities really, really, I found it very difficult

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to step out with confidence that God truly did have an amazing, God-fearing man that

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was going to desire to walk through life with me as a mom, was going to love my child like

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their own, was going to provide and protect me the way God has asked, you know, that designed

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man to, was going to value me as a wife and what I can bring and offer to the table.

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And then it didn't have to look in this, you know, successful box the way that, you know,

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we tend to look like, oh, I have to have this full-time job and be a mom and do all these

331
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things.

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Not that there was anything wrong with it, but I just knew, like, I didn't want that.

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And I wasn't sure I was ever going to find out what Christian man was going to be okay

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stepping into a role to do that and not see me as someone that wasn't going to show up

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and still offer what God had created me for as the female, as the divine feminine, as

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a mother, as a wife, you know, who had a heart for helping people, who desires to do something

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in ministry.

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Like I desire that.

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I didn't know what that looked like, but I'm like, okay, God, I don't, I don't know if

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that guy exists.

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I really didn't.

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And so I really did have to kind of start going through the hard work and it really

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was going through the dating process and allowing God to use a lot of the dates that I was on

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to begin to start surfacing some of these lies that I was believing.

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And then God was able to come in and like start filling those cracks with his truth

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so I could start literally replacing all of those lies and start believing his truth.

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And so that's what I want to start unpacking with you ladies today.

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I want to take your questions.

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I want to hear about what things, insecurities you have, and let's really just start figuring

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out like, where does that lie?

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Because what we really can start doing is start doing that revealing for healing chart,

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which I believe is in phase one.

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I think I referenced it a week or two ago, which if we have to, if someone wants to remind

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us in the app, if you're looking for it and can't find it, we can see if we can't post

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it somewhere in the app, but it's going to be, you know, taking those things that we're

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believing, those insecurities, those lies, and being able to replace it.

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So we have to be able to confess those things.

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What are, what is it that we're believing?

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We need to repent those things.

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And that's going to take some, sometimes it's repetition.

361
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You know, I still sometimes have to show up in my marriage and have to release my husband

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to be like the red winner, the sole provider, because I still can operate in this.

363
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I'm not contributing enough financially.

364
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So Callie, like you said, like, you know, this fear of like, I'm not bringing enough

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to the table financially.

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Y'all, I'm married and I still sometimes do that.

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I still have to be like, oh, that's just that old lie that I'm not contributing the way

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that I'm supposed to, where God has to come in and be like, no, you are contributing.

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There's other things that you are literally called to do, your husband values.

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And I have to sometimes confess to my husband, like, honey, I have to confess to you.

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I'm really starting to operate in this feeling like I'm not showing up enough and I'm getting

372
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in my head and I feel like I'm having to overwork.

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things and overdo things and, and I'm, I'm getting, you know,

374
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insecure about it. And he is like, Hey, you've done this,

375
00:25:09.160 --> 00:25:12.680
this, this, and this, like you helped this out with the kids

376
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and you did this with the kids.

377
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And look at all these emails that you wrote to the principals

378
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this week, which y'all I've written a lot of emails to

379
00:25:19.320 --> 00:25:23.900
principals these last two weeks, my kids just been like, really

380
00:25:23.900 --> 00:25:28.440
giving it to me. So, I mean, he has to come in and remind me.

381
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And he's like, and babe, look like all the meals that you're

382
00:25:31.080 --> 00:25:33.600
having to get together. And now that we've got, you know, now

383
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all my kids have afterschool stuff. I've got, you know, my

384
00:25:36.800 --> 00:25:39.280
oldest just started his baseball practice. My youngest is now

385
00:25:39.280 --> 00:25:42.700
getting his baseball, like up and going. My daughter is now

386
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doing rehearsals twice a week. He's, he's like, babe, our

387
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schedule got really full these last few weeks. You, if you

388
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were having to contribute much more financially, how would we

389
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manage all of this other stuff? And so it literally, you're

390
00:26:02.440 --> 00:26:08.840
having to repeat, oh, that insecurity can still come up,

391
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but we're going to confess it and replace it with lies. So I'm

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giving you an example in marriage, right? You ladies are

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single, so it will still come up. That's why this community

394
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is here for you. Because if you start practicing this stuff now

395
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as a single, you're going to be, and coming here and being

396
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vulnerable with us here in this community, ladies, it's going to

397
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be a breeze to be vulnerable with your husband. If you can

398
00:26:36.720 --> 00:26:39.320
start getting vulnerable here, you're just practicing that

399
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vulnerability because you're going to be vulnerable in

400
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marriage. So if you're hesitant about being vulnerable in this

401
00:26:45.640 --> 00:26:50.200
community, I really want you to start taking some of that to the

402
00:26:50.200 --> 00:26:54.840
Lord as well. It's that vulnerability that allows you to

403
00:26:55.120 --> 00:27:01.440
grow closer together, not just to each other in relationship,

404
00:27:01.440 --> 00:27:04.680
but even in our relationship with God. It's about being

405
00:27:04.800 --> 00:27:09.880
vulnerable with him too. I just went on this retreat. I don't

406
00:27:09.880 --> 00:27:12.680
know if you ladies, if you were on last week or you heard the

407
00:27:12.680 --> 00:27:17.040
replay, I went on a woman's retreat. Y'all, I had to get so

408
00:27:17.040 --> 00:27:21.440
vulnerable. There was some stuff that I really kept inside,

409
00:27:21.440 --> 00:27:25.960
especially about this need to control. I have this insecurity

410
00:27:25.960 --> 00:27:30.240
that I need to control everything. I'm responsible for

411
00:27:30.240 --> 00:27:35.040
so many things. I had to not only get vulnerable with a bunch

412
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of women that, yes, they go to my church, but I don't know them

413
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super well. But then I had to literally get real and raw and

414
00:27:43.080 --> 00:27:46.440
vulnerable with God. Once I was able to do that, oh my goodness,

415
00:27:46.440 --> 00:27:49.720
the release that happened was incredible. That stuff happens

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00:27:49.720 --> 00:27:54.640
here in this community. Ladies, it will continue to happen once

417
00:27:54.640 --> 00:27:58.000
you all get married. Then you can still just practice even

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00:27:58.000 --> 00:28:03.520
that in marriage. We're going to practice that. Again, we're

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00:28:03.520 --> 00:28:05.960
going to continue to keep showing up, be vulnerable,

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confess what we're working through, and repent and receive

421
00:28:11.400 --> 00:28:17.720
what God has for us and what is God's truth. I know Sam's got to

422
00:28:17.720 --> 00:28:27.160
get off at two, part two. I'm going to take her question. I

423
00:28:27.160 --> 00:28:32.560
know Sheila is here. I see you, girl. Is there anybody else? You

424
00:28:32.560 --> 00:28:40.760
literally are busted for time. I'm going to take Sam. Then can

425
00:28:40.760 --> 00:28:46.120
I go down to Karen, Sheila, Susan, and Luani? Then do I have

426
00:28:46.120 --> 00:28:50.120
anybody else? Don't be shy, ladies. Put your hand up if you

427
00:28:50.120 --> 00:28:53.200
have a question. All right. Then I'm going to scroll through

428
00:28:53.200 --> 00:28:59.680
these comments as well. We've got a good 55 minutes. I'm proud

429
00:28:59.680 --> 00:29:06.360
of myself. Karen? Yes. Yes. See, I was short, brave, and

430
00:29:06.360 --> 00:29:13.480
powerful. All right. Sam, what you got for me? I know you have

431
00:29:13.480 --> 00:29:17.480
lots of updates. At some point, if there's time at the end, I do

432
00:29:17.480 --> 00:29:19.800
want to hear how did your listening party go? I could not

433
00:29:19.800 --> 00:29:23.160
make last week. She's here local in Dallas. She had a listening

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00:29:23.160 --> 00:29:26.600
party. She put it up in our single cities group. I was going

435
00:29:26.600 --> 00:29:30.640
to try to come to the one that got iced out. I had it on my

436
00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:34.000
calendar. I was like, yes. Then it got rescheduled and it

437
00:29:34.240 --> 00:29:37.920
interfered. I'm like, no. Okay, there's going to be more album

438
00:29:37.920 --> 00:29:44.080
release parties. I'm going to get with you about, probably in

439
00:29:44.080 --> 00:29:47.840
single city, about my husband and I coming to Upper Room.

440
00:29:48.320 --> 00:29:51.360
Oh, yes. Amazing. Okay, sounds good.

441
00:29:51.640 --> 00:29:56.880
We want to do that. Any of you DFW ladies, get in single city.

442
00:29:57.360 --> 00:29:58.480
Get in single city.

443
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.640
All right, maybe we can do a like a little get together or something like a little meetup

444
00:30:05.200 --> 00:30:11.920
at upper room or something. Yeah, DFW represent. Okay, get yourself in single city. All right,

445
00:30:11.920 --> 00:30:16.640
Sam, what's your question? Okay, so we're going back a few weeks, because we talked about

446
00:30:16.640 --> 00:30:21.600
boundaries. And we mentioned spiritual boundaries in the app. And I just don't really have a great

447
00:30:21.600 --> 00:30:29.600
understanding of what that looks like, especially because going into tomorrow evening, him and

448
00:30:29.600 --> 00:30:33.760
the other girl that's from the worship team, Rachel and myself, we are all basically the

449
00:30:33.760 --> 00:30:39.200
worship leaders of our house gathering, the three of us, and we have just felt the Lord calling us

450
00:30:39.200 --> 00:30:45.040
to record a worship session together. So we're getting together Wednesday night, the three of us,

451
00:30:45.680 --> 00:30:50.320
I didn't really know how to like, handle that. Because I don't want to say no, you know what

452
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I mean? Like, so I've actually been fasting the last couple of days, and we'll be as well into

453
00:30:55.200 --> 00:31:01.440
tomorrow as well. Because the way that that I talked with the Lord about it in my journal the

454
00:31:01.440 --> 00:31:07.440
other day was I felt like he was really speaking to me about, like, there is like this real deep

455
00:31:07.440 --> 00:31:16.160
spiritual connection between he and I. And it's like, I think it would make our spouses uncomfortable

456
00:31:16.160 --> 00:31:22.240
if we're not each other's, you know what I mean? So but like, it's really hard to not gaze at him

457
00:31:22.240 --> 00:31:26.800
with those longing looks, the same way he looks at me. And like, the Lord even like, wrote it in

458
00:31:26.800 --> 00:31:31.920
my journal, where he was like, you know, I don't want you like, gazing at him the way that he so

459
00:31:31.920 --> 00:31:36.080
willingly gives that gaze to you in worship, you know what I mean? Like, because it's not about

460
00:31:36.080 --> 00:31:44.160
either of us, it's about the Lord. So and part of me actually feels like really, like, cruel to not

461
00:31:45.600 --> 00:31:50.880
match the energy, I guess is what I'm trying to say. But I know that I don't need to. And I know

462
00:31:51.120 --> 00:31:54.880
he's already mentioned too, that he's like, it feels like you resent me. And I'm just like,

463
00:31:55.600 --> 00:32:00.080
that's not it at all. I mean, I kind of do because you're kind of giving me more emotional

464
00:32:00.080 --> 00:32:04.560
vulnerability than I should have from you. You know, but like, I also can't control his behavior,

465
00:32:04.560 --> 00:32:09.680
I have to control mine. So I feel like I kind of have to be cruel in some ways,

466
00:32:09.680 --> 00:32:15.520
since he's not interested, you know, like, okay. And I don't know how to

467
00:32:16.480 --> 00:32:22.880
do that. And I think, and that was the one that I was trying to go back and pray on. And then

468
00:32:22.880 --> 00:32:28.320
everything happened with that app. And I like, it's, it's gone. Like, I'm like, I can't.

469
00:32:30.640 --> 00:32:34.560
And then I think the replies work now, though, because it said at Carla Johnson at the top of

470
00:32:34.560 --> 00:32:40.080
it. So it might have pinged you. So okay. Okay, good. All right. So I'm definitely gonna I'm

471
00:32:40.080 --> 00:32:43.760
gonna follow up with that one for sure. But let's unpack a little bit here.

472
00:32:46.160 --> 00:32:52.400
Because I think you did when you originally had posted that you did a couple weeks ago,

473
00:32:52.400 --> 00:32:58.880
you did have some breakthrough. Did you not about what yeah, Lord was highlighting? Where

474
00:32:58.880 --> 00:33:06.800
are you at with that? Where was that at? Okay, so yeah, we had had. So in preparation for this

475
00:33:06.800 --> 00:33:12.240
coming Wednesday, last Tuesday, the three of us met. And we each met individually with each other

476
00:33:12.240 --> 00:33:16.800
to try to clear the air on things. So and it just it was clear, like, Holy Spirit was like,

477
00:33:16.800 --> 00:33:19.280
you got to talk to him about this whole spiritual boundary thing, because I hadn't talked to him

478
00:33:19.280 --> 00:33:24.400
about it at all yet. You know, and so then I was like, Alright, fine. So I just mentioned him. Hey,

479
00:33:24.400 --> 00:33:30.720
I'm trying to figure out what the spiritual boundary is. Like he made some. He made some,

480
00:33:31.280 --> 00:33:37.440
some decisions about it, which is great. You know, he's like, How about we not talk one on one,

481
00:33:38.000 --> 00:33:42.960
you know, or text back and forth unless it's just about the music and the worship.

482
00:33:42.960 --> 00:33:46.560
And I'm like, Okay, that's great. You know, so how's that working right now?

483
00:33:48.320 --> 00:33:53.120
I feel like I've already broken it because we had Friday before the listening party.

484
00:33:53.680 --> 00:34:00.160
I really felt like there was some strife going on in our house gathering. And it was like division

485
00:34:00.160 --> 00:34:03.680
between people and gossip and slander. And I knew of some things and I was like, trying to pray

486
00:34:03.680 --> 00:34:08.000
against it. And so I kind of feel like a mother of the group. And I know that he's got a father's

487
00:34:08.000 --> 00:34:12.880
anointing very much. So I reached out to him. And I was like, I know, I know, we're not supposed to

488
00:34:12.880 --> 00:34:18.400
be doing it. But like, for for the sake of our group, right, for the sake of our family, like

489
00:34:18.400 --> 00:34:24.080
that we have here in our gathering, then as a father, will you come in agreement with me against

490
00:34:24.080 --> 00:34:28.159
the spirit of division, spirit of gossip, spirit of slander? He's like, Yeah, absolutely. You know,

491
00:34:28.159 --> 00:34:33.199
and, and he was like, the, the boundaries are there, you know, for you. So whatever you're

492
00:34:33.199 --> 00:34:38.000
comfortable with, then, you know, so he's still like this open book, because it doesn't affect

493
00:34:38.000 --> 00:34:44.960
guys the same way, though, you know, okay. So you you cross that boundary? Yeah. Did that feel

494
00:34:44.960 --> 00:34:48.320
so you're saying you cross that boundary? And you're like, I don't like it didn't feel comfortable

495
00:34:48.320 --> 00:34:52.960
for you. It felt really comfortable, because it wasn't about us. It wasn't about he and I, it was,

496
00:34:53.199 --> 00:34:59.360
you're like, okay, as long as this is, this is about like something else. Okay. Yeah. And you're

497
00:34:59.360 --> 00:34:59.920
not feeling

498
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:08.000
feeling like there's resentment in that way. Okay, no. So yeah, this is and ladies that

499
00:35:08.000 --> 00:35:13.160
are on this call. So this is more of a delicate situation because this is someone that she

500
00:35:13.160 --> 00:35:21.760
has relationship with in her community. Okay, so she is in close proximity. They've gotten

501
00:35:21.760 --> 00:35:26.680
to know each other. I'm just giving everybody else a background here. Yeah, we're both worship

502
00:35:26.680 --> 00:35:30.320
leaders. We're both worship leaders. And we're both running towards Jesus in the same

503
00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:35.960
way. Do you know what I mean? Like, so definitely together is hard. She's, she definitely feels

504
00:35:35.960 --> 00:35:44.120
a pull. She has attraction to him. Yep. Yeah, you know, she got out of her comfort zone.

505
00:35:44.120 --> 00:35:50.600
She dropped hankies. And it sounds like he's just not really sure where he's at. You know,

506
00:35:50.600 --> 00:35:56.560
he values her as person. And he, you know, worships with her. He sees her as a sister

507
00:35:56.560 --> 00:36:05.200
of Christ. It he just doesn't seem like he knows where he's at, where he stands. With

508
00:36:05.200 --> 00:36:11.240
marriage, relationship, all that. It's a it's a no from him. For me. He's not attracted

509
00:36:11.240 --> 00:36:17.000
to me. Yeah, yeah. So he's like, I'm not there. I don't that's, that's not where I'm at. Okay,

510
00:36:17.000 --> 00:36:25.240
so he's saying no. So now she's having to have relationship, not like, like community,

511
00:36:25.240 --> 00:36:32.160
okay, community with someone. Yeah, she's now trying to figure out how to have boundaries.

512
00:36:32.160 --> 00:36:42.880
But she's also still guarding her own heart. Okay. So God is we like stretching her in

513
00:36:42.880 --> 00:36:51.200
this season. And she's, she's gonna be learning some really valuable things. It would take

514
00:36:51.200 --> 00:36:54.680
us all day to run through the hard work I've already done on this. Do you know what I mean?

515
00:36:54.680 --> 00:37:03.160
Like, it would. You're making progress. So I want you to focus on the progress that you

516
00:37:03.160 --> 00:37:11.240
have made. Okay, so now we've got to get to these boundaries. Okay, so your spiritual

517
00:37:11.240 --> 00:37:16.280
boundaries, you're like, okay, we're not talking. But now you're sitting here saying,

518
00:37:16.280 --> 00:37:21.240
one thing I want to bring up. So you've you made those those were clear. But now you're

519
00:37:21.240 --> 00:37:28.520
still at what it sounds like they're when y'all are still worshiping. There's some sort

520
00:37:28.520 --> 00:37:34.960
of gazing happening. So I want to be clear here. You're not gazing at him, but is he

521
00:37:34.960 --> 00:37:42.400
gazing at you? Oh, it's, it's both ways. It's 100% both ways. Like, and usually what happens

522
00:37:42.400 --> 00:37:46.240
is that we'll end up singing the exact same thing at the exact same time. That's spontaneous.

523
00:37:46.240 --> 00:37:50.400
That's not actually a song. And we have some we're like, Whoa, like the spirit is moving.

524
00:37:50.400 --> 00:37:54.800
It's clear the spirit is moving. And it's moving the same way in both of us. And we can't help

525
00:37:54.800 --> 00:38:00.560
but go, wow, what just happened, right? Like, that's, that's where it's coming from. Okay.

526
00:38:00.560 --> 00:38:09.280
It's incredible. Before you all were, where are you worshiping?

527
00:38:10.720 --> 00:38:14.640
We're just at the house that we gather up for our house church.

528
00:38:14.640 --> 00:38:20.400
House is it? It's several guys rented out, but not him.

529
00:38:22.720 --> 00:38:27.280
It's a place that you would have come. It's a place that you would have come for the party.

530
00:38:27.520 --> 00:38:32.640
Okay. Do you know those guys? Yeah, they're all part of house church.

531
00:38:32.640 --> 00:38:35.040
Okay, guys. Yeah. Good guys. Okay. Yeah.

532
00:38:39.040 --> 00:38:44.560
Do you know if they have anything going on that they like, do they live there?

533
00:38:46.000 --> 00:38:50.400
There are several, well, the guy that I, that I, that I'm connected to does not live there.

534
00:38:51.200 --> 00:39:01.440
Okay. When you go into worship before you worship, are you praying?

535
00:39:03.600 --> 00:39:09.600
Not alone, but with others. Yeah. And I'm actually this next time that we've gathered,

536
00:39:10.160 --> 00:39:15.280
just the three of us, I I'm fasting and praying these three days. Yeah.

537
00:39:16.000 --> 00:39:23.760
Okay. Right now, just what is speaking to me is I just really want you to pray

538
00:39:24.880 --> 00:39:33.600
before you go into worship that only Holy spirit stuff is, is coming out

539
00:39:34.320 --> 00:39:38.720
that, and that you were literally just guarding from anything else.

540
00:39:39.680 --> 00:39:48.960
Um, and then, um, have and let him know, like, and, and how do you feel about, look,

541
00:39:51.280 --> 00:39:55.440
there needs to be a boundary when we're worshiping that this

542
00:39:55.440 --> 00:39:59.840
gazing at each other cannot happen. There's no resentment. I want to be fully.

543
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.600
focused on the Lord and not focus on a person. Yeah. And when we're looking at each other,

544
00:40:08.800 --> 00:40:17.600
it is really difficult for me to not get pulled in. And I do not want that to hinder my worship

545
00:40:17.600 --> 00:40:23.520
with the Lord. Yeah. Yeah. How do you, do you think, and he sounds like he's fairly receptive,

546
00:40:23.520 --> 00:40:28.400
like, Oh yeah, very much so. Yeah. And that way you're communicating to him, like, look,

547
00:40:28.400 --> 00:40:36.240
this is nothing to do with resentment. This is everything to do about me guarding my spiritual,

548
00:40:37.760 --> 00:40:46.400
like health and my, like, this is sacred to me. Yeah. And I don't want anything

549
00:40:48.160 --> 00:40:56.480
interrupting that. And so, you know, I, and you can say, I appreciate you for being so sensitive

550
00:40:56.560 --> 00:41:03.920
and so respecting and honoring of my boundaries and how we communicate with one another.

551
00:41:03.920 --> 00:41:12.000
And I appreciate how you have been very patient as I navigate this as well.

552
00:41:13.440 --> 00:41:20.560
I mean, sometimes it's just open and honest communication. Yeah. Yeah.

553
00:41:21.200 --> 00:41:29.120
Yeah. And because I'm curious when he's asking those questions to you,

554
00:41:30.160 --> 00:41:34.640
Hey, are you, it feels like you're resenting me. What's going on in your head when he's

555
00:41:36.480 --> 00:41:38.480
coming to you with those types of questions?

556
00:41:40.080 --> 00:41:44.240
There's probably an element of truth in that, you know, that I've not worked through completely.

557
00:41:44.800 --> 00:41:48.880
It doesn't mean that I'm not working on it, but you know, like, why doesn't he like me

558
00:41:48.960 --> 00:41:53.600
everything about where we're going is the same direction and we both love the Lord in the same

559
00:41:53.600 --> 00:41:58.240
way. And it's not that I'm seeking something in him that I don't have that I need, you know,

560
00:41:58.240 --> 00:42:04.400
like I see a lot of myself in him and like, like that's okay. So let's go deeper. Okay.

561
00:42:05.440 --> 00:42:09.360
We're going to go deeper. So yeah, we both,

562
00:42:11.840 --> 00:42:16.800
we both are seeking the Lord. Why, why is this? So what are you believing about yourself?

563
00:42:19.040 --> 00:42:24.640
What are you telling yourself? What is you, what are you starting to think about yourself right now?

564
00:42:30.720 --> 00:42:35.760
What are you questioning? Yeah. Are you questioning him? Are you questioning you?

565
00:42:36.480 --> 00:42:44.480
Well, I guess, I guess I, I, he's given me more detail about his life than I think I should know,

566
00:42:44.480 --> 00:42:51.040
to be honest. One of which is that he feels like his wife's name has the word Anna in it somewhere.

567
00:42:51.040 --> 00:42:57.760
So he has pursued three women with Anna in their first name, or it was their first name,

568
00:42:57.760 --> 00:43:03.200
and all three have rejected him. And so I know all of this about him. So like,

569
00:43:04.320 --> 00:43:09.040
I guess where I'm at right now is like, if my name were Anna, would this be a different situation?

570
00:43:09.680 --> 00:43:16.800
Do you know? So are you, do you think you're kind of like doubting, is there doubt?

571
00:43:18.400 --> 00:43:24.480
That there is, I'm frustrated that he's closed the door for such a silly reason.

572
00:43:24.480 --> 00:43:26.880
Do you know what I mean? Have you shared that to him?

573
00:43:29.200 --> 00:43:35.920
Yes. Okay. What is, what was his response? He didn't, he, he, he thinks he's heard from the Lord.

574
00:43:36.880 --> 00:43:46.320
So, okay. Yeah. So he's adamant about him hearing from the Lord. We're going to respect that. Right.

575
00:43:46.960 --> 00:43:54.400
Yeah. But it's still here where you're like, that's so silly. Yeah. Because you're thinking,

576
00:43:54.400 --> 00:44:04.080
but we're both, we're both seeking the Lord. We're both this. So why isn't it happening?

577
00:44:04.640 --> 00:44:14.800
Yeah. So who's, who's, who, what, again, let's, let's just keep going deeper.

578
00:44:15.520 --> 00:44:19.600
The heartwork for me is like, why do I feel like I need to convince him of anything? Do you know

579
00:44:19.600 --> 00:44:25.600
what I mean? Yeah. So where does that, where's the convincing? Where, where are you trying to

580
00:44:25.600 --> 00:44:31.760
come? Like you're, where's this feel? Like, do you feel like you need to convince him? Do you

581
00:44:31.760 --> 00:44:34.880
feel like you need to convince yourself? Do you feel like you need to convince God?

582
00:44:37.280 --> 00:44:41.200
That I guess a little bit of all of that. And I've worked through some of those things,

583
00:44:41.200 --> 00:44:46.080
you know, already because the Lord was like, for a while, the Lord was like,

584
00:44:46.080 --> 00:44:50.080
yeah, you can absolutely pray that his heart changes. Doesn't mean that's, you know,

585
00:44:50.640 --> 00:44:55.440
that's going to be the case. So then so then I, I leaned into that idea of like,

586
00:44:56.000 --> 00:44:59.840
you know, I would really like you to make this choice for me, Lord. But then like,

587
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.880
As far as where I'm going right now,

588
00:45:02.880 --> 00:45:05.240
I'm trying to close the door

589
00:45:05.240 --> 00:45:06.960
on the romantic side of this relationship

590
00:45:06.960 --> 00:45:10.800
so that I can have a really good brother and career,

591
00:45:10.800 --> 00:45:14.480
like, you know, like, and worship friend, you know?

592
00:45:14.480 --> 00:45:16.360
There's so much that God wants to do,

593
00:45:16.360 --> 00:45:17.820
not only with him in that,

594
00:45:17.820 --> 00:45:19.240
but with him and others together,

595
00:45:19.240 --> 00:45:20.480
not just him individually, you know?

596
00:45:20.480 --> 00:45:23.600
So, and it's a great community.

597
00:45:23.600 --> 00:45:25.520
So, you know, I was like,

598
00:45:25.520 --> 00:45:27.240
Lord, I just need you to close the door.

599
00:45:27.240 --> 00:45:29.440
And then I had a mentor the other day,

600
00:45:29.480 --> 00:45:31.400
was like, no, he's not going to do that.

601
00:45:31.400 --> 00:45:33.360
God's not going to close that door for you.

602
00:45:33.360 --> 00:45:36.520
Like, he's actually, he's giving you the choice

603
00:45:36.520 --> 00:45:39.000
and you need to make that decision to close the door.

604
00:45:39.000 --> 00:45:41.400
And I'm just having trouble making that decision,

605
00:45:41.400 --> 00:45:42.600
closing that door, you know?

606
00:45:42.600 --> 00:45:45.800
Like, and the best way for me to do that

607
00:45:45.800 --> 00:45:48.480
is to like not have any kind of relationship

608
00:45:48.480 --> 00:45:50.760
with him for a while, you know,

609
00:45:50.760 --> 00:45:54.560
to sort of get it, to work through it.

610
00:45:54.560 --> 00:45:55.400
To push it out.

611
00:45:55.400 --> 00:45:56.240
Yeah.

612
00:45:56.240 --> 00:45:58.000
So what would that look like?

613
00:45:58.000 --> 00:45:59.960
Would it mean making a choice

614
00:45:59.960 --> 00:46:02.920
that you have to kind of step away from something

615
00:46:04.040 --> 00:46:07.080
or ask that he step, like, what would that look like?

616
00:46:07.080 --> 00:46:07.920
Yeah.

617
00:46:07.920 --> 00:46:10.080
It would have to, it would be that I have to step away

618
00:46:10.080 --> 00:46:12.600
or I have to approach those things differently.

619
00:46:12.600 --> 00:46:16.840
Like one of the things is that we have a nightly prayer call

620
00:46:16.840 --> 00:46:20.840
at 8 p.m. Monday through Friday that we're both on.

621
00:46:20.840 --> 00:46:24.280
I'm not on it every night, but the nights that I am,

622
00:46:24.280 --> 00:46:27.260
like then, and when he's on,

623
00:46:27.260 --> 00:46:29.860
then the minute I turn my camera on, he turns his on.

624
00:46:29.860 --> 00:46:31.860
And you're like, dang it.

625
00:46:34.340 --> 00:46:37.100
So then, you know, I've been actually trying

626
00:46:37.100 --> 00:46:39.220
instead of even turning my camera on,

627
00:46:39.220 --> 00:46:40.740
but like being a part of it,

628
00:46:40.740 --> 00:46:42.500
but having my phone down like that, you know?

629
00:46:42.500 --> 00:46:43.660
So I don't see his face

630
00:46:43.660 --> 00:46:46.220
because I need to not see his face.

631
00:46:46.220 --> 00:46:47.060
Do you know what I mean?

632
00:46:47.060 --> 00:46:49.940
Like, so that's what I'm trying right now.

633
00:46:49.940 --> 00:46:51.860
And then sometimes it's even hard when I hear his voice,

634
00:46:51.860 --> 00:46:52.700
you know?

635
00:46:52.700 --> 00:46:53.540
So I'm like, oh.

636
00:46:54.020 --> 00:46:59.020
But it is gonna be a little bit easier in March and April

637
00:46:59.460 --> 00:47:01.700
because he's gonna be in a totally different state

638
00:47:01.700 --> 00:47:02.540
for two months.

639
00:47:02.540 --> 00:47:06.220
So I won't see him in person at all.

640
00:47:08.300 --> 00:47:09.140
Okay.

641
00:47:10.660 --> 00:47:12.380
Yeah, I mean, I definitely think, again,

642
00:47:12.380 --> 00:47:15.460
this is just kind of, there's a couple of things that,

643
00:47:15.460 --> 00:47:18.060
you know, again, I want you, you know, praying into,

644
00:47:18.060 --> 00:47:20.620
praying into, you know, obviously,

645
00:47:20.620 --> 00:47:22.700
what are those insecurities?

646
00:47:22.700 --> 00:47:23.940
What are those belief systems?

647
00:47:23.940 --> 00:47:26.540
Again, you know that it's like this feeling

648
00:47:26.540 --> 00:47:29.540
like I have to convince, okay?

649
00:47:29.540 --> 00:47:32.580
It sounds like there's a little bit of control there,

650
00:47:32.580 --> 00:47:34.940
like still wanting to kind of hang on to something.

651
00:47:34.940 --> 00:47:38.860
Like if I have to let go of something

652
00:47:38.860 --> 00:47:40.940
and I have to make, because it, I mean,

653
00:47:41.900 --> 00:47:43.260
for those ladies, like did you,

654
00:47:43.260 --> 00:47:45.740
did you ladies listen to Supernatural Saturday?

655
00:47:45.740 --> 00:47:49.220
My husband and I have been talking about this all week.

656
00:47:49.220 --> 00:47:51.100
Actually, not all week, since Saturday.

657
00:47:51.100 --> 00:47:54.700
The, Jackie talks about like God's will,

658
00:47:54.700 --> 00:47:56.620
like what God's will is and what it isn't.

659
00:47:56.620 --> 00:48:00.260
And that has been, my husband has even been like

660
00:48:01.180 --> 00:48:04.300
struggling with what was shared.

661
00:48:04.300 --> 00:48:06.060
And I'm like, well, there's like,

662
00:48:06.060 --> 00:48:07.940
you gotta see it from these different perspectives

663
00:48:07.940 --> 00:48:09.220
and all this kind of stuff.

664
00:48:09.220 --> 00:48:13.220
But this, we have the free will

665
00:48:13.220 --> 00:48:15.620
to make choices based on wisdom.

666
00:48:15.620 --> 00:48:18.380
And again, and sometimes it is this releasing,

667
00:48:18.380 --> 00:48:23.380
like God, you give me the free will to choose,

668
00:48:23.860 --> 00:48:28.860
but even when I choose, you don't leave me.

669
00:48:29.940 --> 00:48:34.180
Your will is still for joy and growth and maturity

670
00:48:34.180 --> 00:48:37.580
that you can work all things for good.

671
00:48:38.740 --> 00:48:42.220
But in every choice that I make,

672
00:48:42.220 --> 00:48:44.740
you're there to help me process to grow

673
00:48:44.740 --> 00:48:47.420
and joy wins wisdom and truth.

674
00:48:47.420 --> 00:48:50.940
And, you know, that's just his will for us.

675
00:48:52.180 --> 00:48:54.420
And so you are, you're kind of like,

676
00:48:54.420 --> 00:48:57.020
but God, I just want you to do it for me,

677
00:48:57.020 --> 00:48:58.620
but I want it to look this way.

678
00:49:00.220 --> 00:49:01.780
That's what I've struggled with.

679
00:49:01.780 --> 00:49:04.460
Like, God, you've given me all this wisdom.

680
00:49:04.460 --> 00:49:05.860
I just know better.

681
00:49:05.860 --> 00:49:09.580
I know better, Lord, I know.

682
00:49:09.580 --> 00:49:13.660
Like God, I like, I have all this wisdom

683
00:49:13.660 --> 00:49:16.940
and like, I know that you sometimes

684
00:49:16.940 --> 00:49:18.660
just don't always show up with, you know,

685
00:49:18.660 --> 00:49:21.460
as somebody's name for marriage and that, you know,

686
00:49:21.460 --> 00:49:26.460
like, but that's not where he's at.

687
00:49:26.700 --> 00:49:31.340
He hasn't, God has not given him whatever wisdom it is.

688
00:49:31.340 --> 00:49:33.380
So you're having to literally be like,

689
00:49:33.380 --> 00:49:38.220
okay, Lord, I'm trusting you with someone else's will.

690
00:49:38.220 --> 00:49:41.700
I got to trust you with mine.

691
00:49:41.700 --> 00:49:45.060
And yes, we both are moving in this direction

692
00:49:45.060 --> 00:49:46.900
and we both love you deeply.

693
00:49:46.900 --> 00:49:51.900
And this could be beautiful and a great thing,

694
00:49:52.860 --> 00:49:56.340
but he doesn't have the wisdom yet.

695
00:49:56.340 --> 00:49:58.300
So would it really be that beautiful?

696
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.320
and

697
00:50:01.320 --> 00:50:06.480
Who's to say that God doesn't have that? There's not somebody else that is gonna have

698
00:50:07.200 --> 00:50:11.960
The wisdom that is what you're needing that's gonna grow you into

699
00:50:12.480 --> 00:50:19.100
Something more that God has for you. This lady. You're your marriages aren't just for you

700
00:50:20.760 --> 00:50:22.760
It's for other as

701
00:50:23.240 --> 00:50:29.360
Well, it's your family. It's your community. It's your marriages our ministry believe it or not

702
00:50:31.000 --> 00:50:33.000
And

703
00:50:34.280 --> 00:50:42.480
So, I'm how are you feeling? Uh-huh. I'm definitely at to a point right now where

704
00:50:44.880 --> 00:50:48.000
I'm struggling with what people say about

705
00:50:48.880 --> 00:50:55.400
well, God gives you this desire right to have a husband that he's gonna have somebody for you like and I just

706
00:50:55.920 --> 00:50:57.920
right now I'm like

707
00:50:57.920 --> 00:51:00.000
It's great that he's giving me this desire

708
00:51:00.000 --> 00:51:05.960
but like what if all he really gave me this desire for was just to lay it down and I just that's all I

709
00:51:05.960 --> 00:51:08.200
Really want to do right now. It's just laying the desire down

710
00:51:10.800 --> 00:51:13.520
Yeah, which is a good place to be, you know

711
00:51:15.360 --> 00:51:18.400
Um, it's just a hard place to be right now

712
00:51:20.680 --> 00:51:25.480
Like what if he has given me this desire just so that I can lay it at his feet

713
00:51:26.480 --> 00:51:30.640
And is that such a bad thing God lie

714
00:51:37.800 --> 00:51:39.800
What's his word say

715
00:51:42.040 --> 00:51:47.800
He gives us the desires of our heart but that same scripture talks about him being the desire

716
00:51:49.760 --> 00:51:52.480
But is he a liar no

717
00:51:56.480 --> 00:51:58.480
He's not

718
00:52:01.000 --> 00:52:07.640
Was there ever a time okay, so now ladies this is when we would like I will go this is where the heart work where

719
00:52:08.080 --> 00:52:12.720
I'm now gonna ask you Sam. So this is where ladies. This is sometimes where we want it now

720
00:52:13.480 --> 00:52:17.480
I'm starting to get to kind of like, okay. Where are we? What what?

721
00:52:18.320 --> 00:52:20.320
What beliefs are we starting to?

722
00:52:21.360 --> 00:52:23.360
reveal here

723
00:52:24.360 --> 00:52:28.840
It sounds more like this trusting God with what he says

724
00:52:31.600 --> 00:52:35.320
God you said you have marriage for me. But what is

725
00:52:36.640 --> 00:52:41.920
It's I don't know if you've ever he's ever really said that you know, like your doubt

726
00:52:41.920 --> 00:52:44.760
There's the doubt that I'm not sure

727
00:52:45.280 --> 00:52:51.400
Yeah, I know I'm supposed to I'm supposed to believe it. I know I've done the hard work around that

728
00:52:51.600 --> 00:52:53.600
Just maybe I just need to do it again

729
00:52:55.480 --> 00:53:00.400
Like the healing and all that will come in layers like I like again ladies, I'm gonna be

730
00:53:02.160 --> 00:53:03.400
Like

731
00:53:03.400 --> 00:53:07.240
this very thing this trusting this control this

732
00:53:07.680 --> 00:53:13.560
You know, that was something that I just recently had to lay down myself. It was another layer

733
00:53:15.080 --> 00:53:17.680
and I had to ask the Lord like Lord like

734
00:53:18.640 --> 00:53:21.680
You you say

735
00:53:24.040 --> 00:53:28.440
This is gonna happen, but how do I know how do I know?

736
00:53:29.720 --> 00:53:31.720
like

737
00:53:31.760 --> 00:53:36.640
I've been let down before people have told me that they would do things and they've let me down especially men

738
00:53:37.760 --> 00:53:41.960
Like I was here when I was single. I was like, I don't know Lord like

739
00:53:42.640 --> 00:53:44.640
You say you got somebody for me

740
00:53:44.640 --> 00:53:46.640
You say you got somebody for me

741
00:53:47.240 --> 00:53:51.040
Men, I've always sat there and said, oh, I love you. I'm gonna be there for you

742
00:53:51.520 --> 00:53:54.560
I'm gonna be the father to your child, but then I'm gonna leave

743
00:53:55.960 --> 00:54:01.800
And I'm like, okay Lord like that never happened. Now. I have a husband and

744
00:54:03.480 --> 00:54:08.960
He's in it that man, I mean my husband is very committed

745
00:54:09.960 --> 00:54:17.200
But we don't have the easiest blended of blending of a family right now and there's days where I'm like

746
00:54:18.760 --> 00:54:24.360
Lord is this like what? What what did you do? What why did you bring us to this?

747
00:54:24.680 --> 00:54:31.720
Are you gonna deliver is there healing here? Is there healing for my family and I have to be like, I don't know Lord

748
00:54:32.360 --> 00:54:37.240
you brought me this husband, but then you you stuck me here where everybody's got trauma and

749
00:54:38.160 --> 00:54:40.440
It doesn't seem like anybody's healing from their trauma

750
00:54:42.720 --> 00:54:48.960
And God's like Carla because it's not yours it's not yours to decide

751
00:54:50.520 --> 00:54:52.520
You've got to trust me

752
00:54:53.000 --> 00:54:55.000
With everybody else's stuff

753
00:54:55.840 --> 00:54:59.160
You just walk with me, you know, I've got this

754
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.120
And so it is, it's going back to that.

755
00:55:02.120 --> 00:55:06.440
And I had to ask Lord, like, where did this surface?

756
00:55:06.440 --> 00:55:10.040
When did I feel like I had to be responsible

757
00:55:10.040 --> 00:55:14.840
for everybody's growth and healing?

758
00:55:14.840 --> 00:55:17.120
And for me, it literally started as early

759
00:55:17.120 --> 00:55:18.580
as three and four years old.

760
00:55:18.580 --> 00:55:21.200
My home always felt like chaos.

761
00:55:22.140 --> 00:55:25.340
And I always felt like as the three and four year old,

762
00:55:25.340 --> 00:55:29.600
it was always my responsibility to kind of keep everything.

763
00:55:29.680 --> 00:55:31.080
And I didn't know, I didn't know any,

764
00:55:31.080 --> 00:55:32.360
like I was three and four years old.

765
00:55:32.360 --> 00:55:35.640
I did not, I didn't know, but I was such a feeler.

766
00:55:35.640 --> 00:55:37.300
I was such an empath.

767
00:55:37.300 --> 00:55:41.000
I could feel the chaos and I had no idea what to do with it.

768
00:55:42.280 --> 00:55:44.580
And I grew up my whole life as a feeler

769
00:55:44.580 --> 00:55:48.240
and had no idea this empathic gift that I had.

770
00:55:48.240 --> 00:55:49.960
And God was, is having to grow me in.

771
00:55:49.960 --> 00:55:51.560
And he's like, you are a feeler,

772
00:55:51.560 --> 00:55:54.720
but you got to know what's mine and what's yours.

773
00:55:54.720 --> 00:55:56.900
And so it really is like, okay, Lord,

774
00:55:56.900 --> 00:55:58.120
that's where it was laid.

775
00:55:58.120 --> 00:56:03.120
Now, show me pieces of my life where I need,

776
00:56:04.800 --> 00:56:08.360
like I needed you and you were there

777
00:56:08.360 --> 00:56:09.820
and what I needed to give up.

778
00:56:10.880 --> 00:56:15.140
And like one of those moments was my baptism as a teenager.

779
00:56:16.880 --> 00:56:20.880
I got baptized as a teenager with a group of friends

780
00:56:22.940 --> 00:56:26.500
that I went to youth group with all the time.

781
00:56:26.500 --> 00:56:28.980
I felt like they were like my close sisters.

782
00:56:28.980 --> 00:56:31.300
And as soon as I got baptized, y'all,

783
00:56:32.300 --> 00:56:36.080
a week or so later, I felt so betrayed and rejected

784
00:56:36.080 --> 00:56:37.840
and cast out by those friends.

785
00:56:40.160 --> 00:56:42.300
That's when I, God showed me,

786
00:56:42.300 --> 00:56:44.220
that's when I lost trust in him.

787
00:56:45.840 --> 00:56:48.260
I put all my trust in him and I was like,

788
00:56:48.260 --> 00:56:50.260
Lord, my life is yours.

789
00:56:50.260 --> 00:56:51.300
I give it to you.

790
00:56:51.300 --> 00:56:54.240
And then all of a sudden it was like poof.

791
00:56:55.080 --> 00:56:57.180
And then I felt like I couldn't trust him.

792
00:56:58.960 --> 00:57:03.260
And God showed me that and I was like, whoa.

793
00:57:03.260 --> 00:57:05.720
And so when I got back from the retreat,

794
00:57:05.720 --> 00:57:09.100
our church had baptism and so many of the women

795
00:57:09.100 --> 00:57:10.720
on the retreat were getting baptized.

796
00:57:10.720 --> 00:57:14.940
And I was like, for years I've been wanting

797
00:57:14.940 --> 00:57:18.280
to like rededicate my life and be baptized again.

798
00:57:18.280 --> 00:57:19.200
And I was like, I don't know.

799
00:57:19.200 --> 00:57:20.480
I don't know if I can.

800
00:57:20.480 --> 00:57:21.520
I don't know.

801
00:57:21.520 --> 00:57:23.120
I've been struggling with that.

802
00:57:23.120 --> 00:57:25.560
I came home and I was like, I want to,

803
00:57:25.560 --> 00:57:28.920
but I don't want to take away from anybody else's baptism.

804
00:57:28.920 --> 00:57:30.760
I want to make it about other people.

805
00:57:31.840 --> 00:57:33.460
And God's like, Carla,

806
00:57:33.460 --> 00:57:35.960
are you going to let me redeem this for you?

807
00:57:35.960 --> 00:57:38.900
When are you going to just allow this?

808
00:57:38.900 --> 00:57:41.100
When are you going to let go of the control?

809
00:57:42.360 --> 00:57:44.000
When are you going to lay it down

810
00:57:44.000 --> 00:57:46.940
and just let me move and let me work?

811
00:57:49.840 --> 00:57:51.280
Get uncomfortable, Carla.

812
00:57:51.280 --> 00:57:52.780
He's like, get uncomfortable.

813
00:57:54.360 --> 00:57:56.900
Let me heal that so you can start working

814
00:57:56.900 --> 00:57:58.260
on trusting me again.

815
00:57:59.180 --> 00:58:00.920
And I would love to tell you, like I did,

816
00:58:00.920 --> 00:58:05.560
I got in the water, y'all, like I got in the water

817
00:58:07.460 --> 00:58:10.280
and I'm still having to work through some letting go

818
00:58:10.280 --> 00:58:13.560
of some trust, like, okay, Lord,

819
00:58:13.560 --> 00:58:15.200
I got to trust you with my daughter.

820
00:58:15.200 --> 00:58:18.720
I got to trust you with how this blending family works.

821
00:58:19.720 --> 00:58:24.560
So I want you to really spend time in this moment.

822
00:58:24.560 --> 00:58:27.680
Again, just doesn't have to just be about relationship,

823
00:58:27.680 --> 00:58:29.560
but it's about your relationship

824
00:58:29.560 --> 00:58:32.160
with trusting God for his word.

825
00:58:35.920 --> 00:58:40.200
Believing that if he has marriage for you,

826
00:58:41.880 --> 00:58:45.320
believing that you do hear from him,

827
00:58:45.320 --> 00:58:46.840
that he does speak to you.

828
00:58:49.720 --> 00:58:53.640
When did you feel like you believed him

829
00:58:53.640 --> 00:58:55.600
and he let you down?

830
00:58:55.600 --> 00:58:58.480
And was it really him or was it the enemy

831
00:58:58.480 --> 00:59:00.560
trying to make you doubt God?

832
00:59:02.480 --> 00:59:06.480
My husband said something to me in that moment

833
00:59:06.480 --> 00:59:11.240
when I was telling him, and he's heard this story before,

834
00:59:11.240 --> 00:59:13.200
but that night when I was contemplating

835
00:59:13.200 --> 00:59:15.640
before we went to church, he's like,

836
00:59:15.920 --> 00:59:20.920
Karla, could it have been that God was in fact

837
00:59:21.120 --> 00:59:23.440
just removing certain people out of your life?

838
00:59:25.280 --> 00:59:28.080
He wasn't taking something away.

839
00:59:28.080 --> 00:59:32.040
He was actually removing something that wasn't necessary.

840
00:59:33.800 --> 00:59:38.040
I was like, I never thought about it.

841
00:59:38.040 --> 00:59:42.120
I thought that it was God not doing something for me

842
00:59:42.160 --> 00:59:46.080
when really it was possibly God doing something for me.

843
00:59:49.680 --> 00:59:54.680
And so again, it's having that full faith that,

844
00:59:56.320 --> 00:59:58.480
yeah, it looks beautiful.

845
00:59:58.480 --> 01:00:00.240
Like, yeah, this guy is great.

846
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.120
I mean, it sounds like he is a really great guy.

847
01:00:04.120 --> 01:00:11.320
But what if there's better, better for you

848
01:00:11.320 --> 01:00:13.480
and better for him?

849
01:00:13.480 --> 01:00:15.480
What if there's wisdom he needs to walk in?

850
01:00:15.480 --> 01:00:17.880
What if there's someone who has more wisdom for you?

851
01:00:20.960 --> 01:00:23.360
And it's about laying it out.

852
01:00:23.360 --> 01:00:25.320
And it is going to get uncomfortable.

853
01:00:25.320 --> 01:00:27.920
It gets uncomfortable.

854
01:00:27.920 --> 01:00:33.200
There is literally a sacrificing of yourself.

855
01:00:33.200 --> 01:00:36.640
I think many of us have been there.

856
01:00:36.640 --> 01:00:42.600
As believers, when you really have to lay it down,

857
01:00:42.600 --> 01:00:46.080
I mean, there is a wrongness to it, really.

858
01:00:49.960 --> 01:00:52.200
And so it is about just releasing that.

859
01:00:52.200 --> 01:00:54.480
I really hope that this doesn't just speak to Sam.

860
01:00:54.480 --> 01:00:58.640
I hope this is speaking to so many of you on this call.

861
01:00:58.640 --> 01:01:00.360
I really do.

862
01:01:00.360 --> 01:01:02.040
I know I've spent a lot of time with it.

863
01:01:02.040 --> 01:01:03.440
But I really do feel like there's

864
01:01:03.440 --> 01:01:07.720
such power in what the Holy Spirit wants you

865
01:01:07.720 --> 01:01:11.800
ladies to hear and absorb.

866
01:01:11.800 --> 01:01:14.880
Trust him.

867
01:01:14.880 --> 01:01:17.160
Trust his truth.

868
01:01:19.680 --> 01:01:20.640
He loves you.

869
01:01:20.640 --> 01:01:23.720
He wants what's best for you.

870
01:01:24.480 --> 01:01:28.480
Like, especially in this laying our insecurities down,

871
01:01:28.480 --> 01:01:31.600
like, Lord, just take those insecurities from us.

872
01:01:31.600 --> 01:01:35.640
Give us the ability to just lay them at your feet.

873
01:01:35.640 --> 01:01:41.200
Lord, give us the humility to come to you in the discomfort

874
01:01:41.200 --> 01:01:44.240
and know that you've got this.

875
01:01:44.240 --> 01:01:45.240
God, you love us.

876
01:01:45.240 --> 01:01:47.880
You died for us.

877
01:01:47.880 --> 01:01:51.280
You shed your blood.

878
01:01:51.280 --> 01:01:56.240
You sacrificed all so that we could have eternity with you,

879
01:01:56.240 --> 01:01:58.200
God.

880
01:01:58.200 --> 01:02:07.360
And not just eternity after our life here,

881
01:02:07.360 --> 01:02:12.320
but Lord, you say heaven on earth as well.

882
01:02:12.320 --> 01:02:14.560
Lord, you give us that.

883
01:02:14.560 --> 01:02:16.800
You desire that for us, Lord.

884
01:02:16.800 --> 01:02:18.840
And I thank you for that.

885
01:02:18.840 --> 01:02:26.160
Lord, and I just release to all these women on this call,

886
01:02:26.160 --> 01:02:31.200
I release the hope and the trust and just the desire

887
01:02:31.200 --> 01:02:37.400
just to lay it down at your feet.

888
01:02:37.400 --> 01:02:39.880
Remove our grip.

889
01:02:42.640 --> 01:02:44.920
Remove our grip from the things that we just so

890
01:02:44.920 --> 01:02:48.000
want to hold on to because we're just so scared.

891
01:02:48.000 --> 01:02:50.480
We're just not sure that we can trust you.

892
01:02:50.480 --> 01:02:56.000
But Lord, begin to reveal what it is that you do

893
01:02:56.000 --> 01:02:57.720
and who you are.

894
01:02:57.720 --> 01:02:59.600
We can trust you.

895
01:02:59.600 --> 01:03:01.680
You are good.

896
01:03:01.680 --> 01:03:05.880
Lord, I cast out any of the lies that the enemy has tried

897
01:03:05.880 --> 01:03:09.160
to plant into our gardens, Lord.

898
01:03:09.160 --> 01:03:11.880
And I believe and I trust that you

899
01:03:11.880 --> 01:03:16.200
are going to begin to soften that soil in our heart, Lord,

900
01:03:16.200 --> 01:03:20.320
so that those roots can just gently be pulled up and uprooted

901
01:03:20.320 --> 01:03:21.920
and be tossed aside.

902
01:03:21.920 --> 01:03:24.920
And that new seed of your word and your truth

903
01:03:24.920 --> 01:03:27.920
can be planted in our garden so that your word and your truth

904
01:03:27.920 --> 01:03:33.520
can begin to grow in abundance in what you have for our life.

905
01:03:33.520 --> 01:03:35.240
And that that garden begins to flourish

906
01:03:35.240 --> 01:03:39.440
and that fruit begins to be harvested.

907
01:03:39.440 --> 01:03:41.960
In Jesus' name, amen.

908
01:03:44.640 --> 01:03:45.440
You got to go.

909
01:03:45.440 --> 01:03:46.480
Love you guys, bye.

910
01:03:46.480 --> 01:03:48.480
Love you.

911
01:03:48.480 --> 01:03:49.920
All right, ladies, thank you.

912
01:03:49.920 --> 01:03:54.680
Thank you for just letting us dig into that.

913
01:03:54.680 --> 01:04:00.240
I really hope that blessed so many of you.

914
01:04:00.240 --> 01:04:04.320
But that's really what heartwork looks like, especially

915
01:04:04.320 --> 01:04:07.240
when we have those insecurities.

916
01:04:07.240 --> 01:04:11.160
Y'all, when we get into these things and we're unsure,

917
01:04:11.160 --> 01:04:13.720
it really is just taking it to God.

918
01:04:13.720 --> 01:04:16.920
Where does this come from?

919
01:04:16.920 --> 01:04:18.880
What do I need to release?

920
01:04:18.880 --> 01:04:21.160
What do I need to trust God with?

921
01:04:21.160 --> 01:04:22.280
What's he going to show me?

922
01:04:22.280 --> 01:04:25.520
What does he want to do in my life?

923
01:04:25.520 --> 01:04:27.240
All right, Karen, I'm letting you come up.

924
01:04:27.240 --> 01:04:29.440
And then I'm going to take Sheila and Susan.

925
01:04:29.440 --> 01:04:31.840
Don't know if I had anybody else.

926
01:04:31.840 --> 01:04:34.400
Thank you for being patient, Karen.

927
01:04:34.400 --> 01:04:36.720
So lovely to see you.

928
01:04:36.720 --> 01:04:39.560
Thank you so much, first of all, for your input

929
01:04:39.560 --> 01:04:40.840
when I did the post.

930
01:04:41.840 --> 01:04:44.400
I'm praying about everything you and Ebony wrote.

931
01:04:44.400 --> 01:04:46.320
Just want to check on a couple of things.

932
01:04:46.320 --> 01:04:52.920
I'm processing stuff like the whole thing about questions.

933
01:04:52.920 --> 01:04:59.000
And I love the idea of what I call open-ended questions,

934
01:04:59.000 --> 01:05:00.960
rather than.

935
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.080
like yes, no kinds of things because I've I've I'm aware of

936
01:05:04.080 --> 01:05:08.320
that but II but I don't do what I'm aware of sometimes. It's

937
01:05:08.320 --> 01:05:12.080
okay. I know. I know. You're growing and learning, girl. I'm

938
01:05:12.080 --> 01:05:15.040
happy. I'm okay. I'm okay. This is what it's all about. So

939
01:05:15.040 --> 01:05:18.720
anyway, but anyway, so some of my questions, what what I want

940
01:05:18.720 --> 01:05:24.000
to ask about concerning questions I um ask when I'm

941
01:05:24.000 --> 01:05:27.600
first messaging uh you know, men that I'm interested in or

942
01:05:27.600 --> 01:05:32.560
they've liked me and I and I want to check them out um is

943
01:05:32.560 --> 01:05:34.720
you know, I want to ask questions about what's most

944
01:05:34.720 --> 01:05:41.120
important to me um and um and I honestly the kind of person I

945
01:05:41.120 --> 01:05:47.520
am. I am very focused on not wasting time but you know aiming

946
01:05:47.520 --> 01:05:52.480
for you know what god's called me to which is I know what the

947
01:05:52.480 --> 01:05:59.520
lord's shown me and I put it on my profile um so so that

948
01:05:59.520 --> 01:06:02.080
that's my aim is like I don't want to waste time but I don't

949
01:06:02.080 --> 01:06:07.920
want to so I and I tend to go deeper sooner. Yeah, but I

950
01:06:07.920 --> 01:06:12.000
would like that too. Yeah. Yeah. But at the same time, I

951
01:06:12.000 --> 01:06:17.680
don't want to waste time and if a man, you know, so anyway, so

952
01:06:17.680 --> 01:06:21.040
that's kind of the balance here. I understand about you

953
01:06:21.040 --> 01:06:27.280
know, um being open, you know, and and and not interviewing

954
01:06:27.280 --> 01:06:30.480
but just building rapport first cuz I've done a lot of that

955
01:06:30.480 --> 01:06:35.440
with teaching or in ministry, whatever um my aim, you know,

956
01:06:35.440 --> 01:06:38.560
and I and this is one of the things you all wrote about even

957
01:06:38.560 --> 01:06:42.880
in asking questions is I'm honestly aiming like my

958
01:06:42.880 --> 01:06:47.120
purpose is to meet and eventually marry god's best man

959
01:06:47.120 --> 01:06:51.760
for me that the lord has clearly promised me um so it's

960
01:06:51.760 --> 01:06:54.560
not just like when I was in my third, when I was like thirty,

961
01:06:54.560 --> 01:06:59.680
I did like a dating thing, you know, um and and then it was

962
01:06:59.680 --> 01:07:02.080
just like, hey, it's whatever, you know, and yeah, you're

963
01:07:02.080 --> 01:07:04.640
kind of like, okay. Yeah. Yeah. And I didn't know a whole lot

964
01:07:04.640 --> 01:07:07.040
about exactly where I was going, you know, and stuff like

965
01:07:07.040 --> 01:07:10.480
that. So, like, no, this is who I am. This is what I'm called

966
01:07:10.480 --> 01:07:13.600
to do and now I want to go find that. So, yeah, there's

967
01:07:13.600 --> 01:07:17.280
gonna be this. Yeah. Ten to like I'm I'm looking for

968
01:07:17.280 --> 01:07:21.760
something certain in particular, right? Yeah.

969
01:07:21.760 --> 01:07:26.800
Absolutely and so I'm I I 100% get that especially for you

970
01:07:26.800 --> 01:07:31.120
ladies that are um a little bit, you know, you're you're

971
01:07:31.120 --> 01:07:34.800
older, right? Okay, you're not in your thirties. You're not in

972
01:07:34.800 --> 01:07:37.440
forties. Okay, we're we're we're hitting, you know, you've

973
01:07:37.440 --> 01:07:40.560
had some experience in life but we have went, I get this all the

974
01:07:40.560 --> 01:07:45.840
time from from ladies. Like, you're like, but Carla, like,

975
01:07:45.840 --> 01:07:50.320
I'm not young. Like, you're young at heart but they're like,

976
01:07:50.320 --> 01:07:53.440
Carla, I'm not dating like I'm twenty and thirty anymore and I

977
01:07:53.440 --> 01:07:59.600
get that. So, so, this is what I wanna share and I think this

978
01:07:59.600 --> 01:08:02.400
this really goes to you ladies that are in your forties and

979
01:08:02.400 --> 01:08:06.240
up because I would even say that if you know, if you're

980
01:08:06.240 --> 01:08:09.280
dating older like my husband and I were very similar too

981
01:08:09.280 --> 01:08:13.520
because we were, I mean, I got engaged at forty. He and I just

982
01:08:13.520 --> 01:08:17.920
kinda knew what we were looking for. Like, we didn't kind of

983
01:08:17.920 --> 01:08:20.000
like, again, I don't like to, I don't like to use the term

984
01:08:20.000 --> 01:08:28.319
waste time. I didn't spend a lot of time dating a person that

985
01:08:28.319 --> 01:08:33.040
after a while, like it didn't seem to kinda go anywhere. Like,

986
01:08:33.040 --> 01:08:39.120
but what I didn't do wasn't when I first was introduced to

987
01:08:39.120 --> 01:08:43.120
somebody that I was like, bam, like, where are we going? Like,

988
01:08:43.120 --> 01:08:46.640
what what does this look like? Okay, I still allowed a few

989
01:08:46.640 --> 01:08:50.319
weeks of kind of really getting to know someone before kind of

990
01:08:50.319 --> 01:08:53.760
going into that depth. You kinda start peeling some of

991
01:08:53.760 --> 01:08:59.439
those layers and so that would be my wisdom to share and again,

992
01:08:59.439 --> 01:09:05.680
I'm not, I'm forty. I'll be forty-three here in 16 days. So,

993
01:09:05.680 --> 01:09:09.359
I don't have the wisdom of being older than that but I

994
01:09:09.359 --> 01:09:14.479
will say from that perspective and just again, I've coached

995
01:09:14.479 --> 01:09:19.760
women in this program that are older. I would trust the

996
01:09:19.760 --> 01:09:24.560
process and you don't have to come in with those deep deep

997
01:09:24.560 --> 01:09:27.200
questions in the very beginning. I'm not saying that

998
01:09:27.200 --> 01:09:34.560
you have to sacrifice those things that you know like

999
01:09:34.560 --> 01:09:37.120
you're looking for that you know that this is just kind of

1000
01:09:37.120 --> 01:09:40.720
who you are, what you're looking for. I would never want

1001
01:09:40.720 --> 01:09:45.120
you to sacrifice those things, okay? Especially when you know

1002
01:09:45.120 --> 01:09:51.120
like, hey, I'm I'm in a season of life like this is this is

1003
01:09:51.120 --> 01:09:53.439
where I'm at in my life and this is what makes me happy.

1004
01:09:53.439 --> 01:09:56.560
This is what fills me with joy. I would like a partner to walk

1005
01:09:56.560 --> 01:09:59.760
alongside me in this.

1006
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.480
And I believe that God does accelerate those things.

1007
01:10:03.480 --> 01:10:08.480
I mean, that kind of happened in my situation too.

1008
01:10:08.520 --> 01:10:11.320
Like my husband and I, it was like,

1009
01:10:11.320 --> 01:10:13.000
he knew he wanted to get married.

1010
01:10:13.000 --> 01:10:14.840
I knew I wanted to get married.

1011
01:10:14.840 --> 01:10:17.480
We spent about three weeks or so,

1012
01:10:17.480 --> 01:10:19.560
like really kind of getting to know each other.

1013
01:10:19.560 --> 01:10:22.400
And I was very like, I don't know, I'm not sure yet.

1014
01:10:22.400 --> 01:10:25.000
Like, I need to know more about you.

1015
01:10:25.000 --> 01:10:28.160
I need to see some fruit here.

1016
01:10:28.160 --> 01:10:31.000
I need to really see that you are who you say

1017
01:10:31.000 --> 01:10:33.200
you are going to show up as.

1018
01:10:33.200 --> 01:10:35.240
Because again, you can go in and be like,

1019
01:10:35.240 --> 01:10:37.800
tell me about your deep faith.

1020
01:10:37.800 --> 01:10:41.080
And anybody can sit there and tell you a good story.

1021
01:10:42.000 --> 01:10:45.560
There are men out there that are great storytellers.

1022
01:10:46.840 --> 01:10:51.200
My husband's, or not my husband, my son's father was that.

1023
01:10:51.200 --> 01:10:53.800
Because I did the, oh, like, I gotta love,

1024
01:10:53.800 --> 01:10:55.920
you gotta love Jesus.

1025
01:10:55.960 --> 01:10:58.760
And oh, he gave me all the Jesus talk,

1026
01:10:58.760 --> 01:11:01.080
all the church talk, all that stuff.

1027
01:11:02.200 --> 01:11:07.160
And then he didn't wait for marriage.

1028
01:11:07.160 --> 01:11:08.440
I didn't either, okay.

1029
01:11:08.440 --> 01:11:10.920
I'm just as guilty of that, all right.

1030
01:11:10.920 --> 01:11:12.400
Don't just put it all on him.

1031
01:11:14.080 --> 01:11:15.720
But guess what happened?

1032
01:11:17.760 --> 01:11:21.960
There was no fruit of his relationship with the Lord.

1033
01:11:21.960 --> 01:11:26.480
And I recognized that before I could,

1034
01:11:26.480 --> 01:11:29.160
I mean, I recognized it after I was already pregnant.

1035
01:11:30.280 --> 01:11:33.840
I was like, dang it, what did I do?

1036
01:11:35.080 --> 01:11:38.480
Because I thought I was going in and doing my due diligence,

1037
01:11:38.480 --> 01:11:41.920
really finding out, like, does this man love Jesus?

1038
01:11:41.920 --> 01:11:43.840
Oh, he's going to church, he's doing this.

1039
01:11:43.840 --> 01:11:47.040
Oh, he's sitting here telling me all the growth

1040
01:11:47.040 --> 01:11:48.560
that he's done and where he's come from

1041
01:11:48.560 --> 01:11:51.120
and his testimony and all the good things.

1042
01:11:52.120 --> 01:11:55.400
And then I'm like, oh, but he's not showing up that way.

1043
01:11:55.400 --> 01:11:58.440
Okay, so it really isn't about like,

1044
01:11:58.440 --> 01:12:02.040
you're not having to not get that,

1045
01:12:02.040 --> 01:12:04.120
but let's ease into it.

1046
01:12:04.120 --> 01:12:07.400
Like, give it some time, give it some interaction first.

1047
01:12:07.400 --> 01:12:09.080
Like, really just get to know them.

1048
01:12:09.080 --> 01:12:12.800
How do they show up in their everyday life?

1049
01:12:12.800 --> 01:12:15.920
What is, how is a stranger gonna see them?

1050
01:12:15.920 --> 01:12:18.640
When you're walking down the street,

1051
01:12:18.640 --> 01:12:21.720
if you're married to him and you're walking down the street,

1052
01:12:22.480 --> 01:12:27.480
how is a stranger going to look at them and you?

1053
01:12:29.000 --> 01:12:33.000
Because they're not gonna know y'all's testimony.

1054
01:12:33.000 --> 01:12:37.160
How do they show up just walking in life

1055
01:12:38.640 --> 01:12:41.560
without needing to have all of that,

1056
01:12:41.560 --> 01:12:44.280
like, excess story right away?

1057
01:12:44.280 --> 01:12:49.120
Like, that's not always necessary in the very beginning.

1058
01:12:49.120 --> 01:12:51.880
Does it mean that as you grow in those couple of weeks

1059
01:12:51.880 --> 01:12:53.280
of like, you know, I really,

1060
01:12:53.280 --> 01:12:55.920
I really like who this person's showing up.

1061
01:12:55.920 --> 01:12:57.680
I really think there could be something there.

1062
01:12:57.680 --> 01:13:01.720
Then you can be asking some of those questions

1063
01:13:01.720 --> 01:13:05.040
and then see if that will accelerate, okay?

1064
01:13:05.040 --> 01:13:06.520
Does that make a little more sense?

1065
01:13:06.520 --> 01:13:09.760
Does that give my older ladies a little bit more ease

1066
01:13:09.760 --> 01:13:13.800
of the feeling like, I don't wanna waste my time.

1067
01:13:15.000 --> 01:13:16.440
I see a couple of heads shaking.

1068
01:13:16.440 --> 01:13:18.520
Saoirse, she's kind of shaking her head.

1069
01:13:18.560 --> 01:13:19.400
Paula, okay.

1070
01:13:19.400 --> 01:13:20.440
I really hope,

1071
01:13:20.440 --> 01:13:25.000
cause I like, I get that from ladies all the time.

1072
01:13:25.000 --> 01:13:30.080
And I'm like, what, what do I, how do I coach you ladies?

1073
01:13:30.080 --> 01:13:32.320
Cause I want to give you really good wisdom.

1074
01:13:32.320 --> 01:13:34.320
Something that you really can be like,

1075
01:13:34.320 --> 01:13:36.640
oh, that's what it is where she gets me.

1076
01:13:36.640 --> 01:13:38.520
She understands.

1077
01:13:38.520 --> 01:13:43.160
I really hope I've translated that well.

1078
01:13:43.160 --> 01:13:47.480
That it's not that you can't get there.

1079
01:13:47.480 --> 01:13:52.320
Let's just not make it in those first interactions.

1080
01:13:52.320 --> 01:13:53.440
Okay.

1081
01:13:53.440 --> 01:13:54.680
Let's, let's hold it.

1082
01:13:54.680 --> 01:13:56.040
Let's really just,

1083
01:13:56.040 --> 01:13:59.080
who does this person show up on a daily basis?

1084
01:13:59.080 --> 01:14:00.920
Who would, who would just any,

1085
01:14:00.920 --> 01:14:03.360
everybody just walking by them in a,

1086
01:14:03.360 --> 01:14:05.240
like who would their server see them as?

1087
01:14:05.240 --> 01:14:07.360
How do they just show up in life?

1088
01:14:07.360 --> 01:14:08.200
Are they joyful?

1089
01:14:08.200 --> 01:14:09.960
Are they, are they kind?

1090
01:14:09.960 --> 01:14:11.800
Like what things do they enjoy?

1091
01:14:11.800 --> 01:14:12.960
Like what makes them laugh?

1092
01:14:13.280 --> 01:14:18.080
I love that you shared like your criteria of like,

1093
01:14:18.080 --> 01:14:22.560
you're looking, does the man smile in his photos?

1094
01:14:22.560 --> 01:14:23.960
I love that.

1095
01:14:23.960 --> 01:14:26.760
Does he look like a joyful person?

1096
01:14:26.760 --> 01:14:28.000
Like, does he smile?

1097
01:14:28.000 --> 01:14:30.360
Cause ladies, guys look at that too.

1098
01:14:30.360 --> 01:14:31.760
Your photos.

1099
01:14:31.760 --> 01:14:35.240
They want to see your eyes and they want to see your smile.

1100
01:14:35.240 --> 01:14:39.600
They want to see, does she carry herself with joy?

1101
01:14:40.600 --> 01:14:43.880
Like, I love that.

1102
01:14:43.880 --> 01:14:44.720
And I do.

1103
01:14:44.720 --> 01:14:46.640
And I love that, you know, for me, it was,

1104
01:14:46.640 --> 01:14:49.560
I just, I needed to see that they marked Christian.

1105
01:14:49.560 --> 01:14:52.760
If they talked about God, yes, praise Jesus,

1106
01:14:52.760 --> 01:14:54.840
that they talked about it in their profile.

1107
01:14:54.840 --> 01:14:57.920
They might not have always did, but again,

1108
01:14:57.920 --> 01:15:00.120
I had to decide there were some times.

1109
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.520
Sometimes my criteria was that they didn't say anything about God in their profile.

1110
01:15:04.520 --> 01:15:05.520
I didn't click it.

1111
01:15:05.520 --> 01:15:09.880
Then there'd be times where I'd be like, okay, I'm not really getting much going on here.

1112
01:15:09.880 --> 01:15:10.880
Okay.

1113
01:15:10.880 --> 01:15:11.880
I'm just going to be okay.

1114
01:15:11.880 --> 01:15:15.320
If they check Jesus and just see if I can get to know men.

1115
01:15:15.320 --> 01:15:16.320
And so sometimes they wouldn't.

1116
01:15:16.320 --> 01:15:19.080
And I'm like, okay, that's fine.

1117
01:15:19.080 --> 01:15:23.000
Sometimes that criteria changed on a daily basis.

1118
01:15:23.000 --> 01:15:24.000
I did.

1119
01:15:24.000 --> 01:15:28.140
I love the fact that you're like, I need the guy to actually tell me who he is.

1120
01:15:28.140 --> 01:15:29.140
Like there's gotta be something.

1121
01:15:29.280 --> 01:15:32.760
He's got to at least be able to talk a little bit about himself.

1122
01:15:32.760 --> 01:15:35.280
Like that you can pull some sort of hobby or interest.

1123
01:15:35.280 --> 01:15:38.440
So you can have something to talk about.

1124
01:15:38.440 --> 01:15:39.440
So I like that.

1125
01:15:39.440 --> 01:15:43.200
I like that you're looking for at least a little substance, but again, I don't want

1126
01:15:43.200 --> 01:15:48.680
you to get so rigid that you're literally not able to find anything because it's, you've

1127
01:15:48.680 --> 01:15:53.520
kind of, you're, you're kind of just putting up some of these walls again.

1128
01:15:53.520 --> 01:15:57.460
You just kind of want to open up, filter a little bit.

1129
01:15:57.460 --> 01:16:02.000
It's just some questions that again, you can kind of see the nature, but again, if

1130
01:16:02.000 --> 01:16:06.880
they don't give you what you want on them, the messaging, don't hesitate just to do a

1131
01:16:06.880 --> 01:16:07.880
video call.

1132
01:16:07.880 --> 01:16:13.640
And again, that video call doesn't have to be if, if in 20 minutes, you're like, sky's

1133
01:16:13.640 --> 01:16:14.640
got no personality.

1134
01:16:14.640 --> 01:16:16.820
This guy is not joyful.

1135
01:16:16.820 --> 01:16:21.840
Like you can end the call and it's 20 minutes.

1136
01:16:21.840 --> 01:16:27.520
And the last thing I want to leave ladies, and again, like I just felt God really prompt

1137
01:16:27.520 --> 01:16:38.820
me to share this with you out of love, the not waste time and God, I really felt, does

1138
01:16:38.820 --> 01:16:43.060
God waste any of our times?

1139
01:16:43.060 --> 01:16:53.380
Does he turn any of our decisions and our choices into something that's wasted?

1140
01:16:53.380 --> 01:16:59.080
Can he take any thing that we've decided and that we've walked in, in our, our, our free

1141
01:16:59.080 --> 01:17:07.020
will and our choice and our wisdom, is he capable of taking what we've done and using

1142
01:17:07.020 --> 01:17:16.420
it for our good, that it is not wasted time.

1143
01:17:16.420 --> 01:17:21.220
And if we have some of this, like, if you're like, but no, I did, then those are some things,

1144
01:17:21.220 --> 01:17:23.220
Luis, I saw you got a laugh at that.

1145
01:17:23.220 --> 01:17:27.020
I don't know if you were, do you got some of that feeling in there?

1146
01:17:27.020 --> 01:17:29.180
Like, but no, I wasted my time on this person.

1147
01:17:29.180 --> 01:17:36.140
Cause y'all, I had that, like I wasted my time y'all in my twenties with a drug addicted

1148
01:17:36.140 --> 01:17:39.020
alcoholic boyfriend back and forth.

1149
01:17:39.020 --> 01:17:42.700
I feel like I wasted my twenties y'all.

1150
01:17:42.700 --> 01:17:48.300
So that was something for me that I was like, Lord, you say that you could turn that around,

1151
01:17:48.300 --> 01:17:51.540
but I don't know.

1152
01:17:51.540 --> 01:17:56.460
That decade was a long time.

1153
01:17:56.460 --> 01:17:59.460
It was a long time.

1154
01:17:59.460 --> 01:18:07.700
God's come through and he's really redeemed a lot on this other side and he's walked me

1155
01:18:07.700 --> 01:18:14.420
through the healing and the growth that I've, I've gotten to experience because I went through

1156
01:18:14.420 --> 01:18:18.340
a really, really tough season.

1157
01:18:18.340 --> 01:18:24.860
It was through that tough season that I really, it's like I almost needed to fall apart in

1158
01:18:24.860 --> 01:18:29.860
order so that God could put me back together.

1159
01:18:29.860 --> 01:18:35.540
And so, yeah, it was a lot of years and there was a lot of things that I had to own that

1160
01:18:35.540 --> 01:18:41.180
I chose, but again, I don't have to condemn myself for it.

1161
01:18:41.180 --> 01:18:42.180
I don't have to feel guilty.

1162
01:18:42.180 --> 01:18:48.140
I don't have to feel shame for it because I was just doing my very best.

1163
01:18:48.140 --> 01:18:52.860
And so it really is just kind of walking that out, but God does not waste our years.

1164
01:18:52.860 --> 01:18:56.060
He can redeem those years in a split second.

1165
01:18:56.060 --> 01:18:57.060
He really can.

1166
01:18:57.060 --> 01:19:03.180
He can accelerate things like nobody's business.

1167
01:19:03.180 --> 01:19:04.940
I'm still praying for that.

1168
01:19:04.940 --> 01:19:07.580
You know, again, I've got a blended family.

1169
01:19:07.580 --> 01:19:12.940
We're older, you know, we're in our forties, we've got older children, 10 and 14 and 16.

1170
01:19:12.940 --> 01:19:16.220
All of our kids have experienced some trauma.

1171
01:19:16.220 --> 01:19:20.420
And you know, it's like my husband and I, especially for our teenagers, we're like,

1172
01:19:20.420 --> 01:19:25.620
you've only got so many years and I'm sitting here thinking, how do I restore?

1173
01:19:25.620 --> 01:19:30.820
How do I, I'm sitting here thinking, how do I restore some of their stuff?

1174
01:19:30.820 --> 01:19:33.220
How do I restore the trauma?

1175
01:19:33.220 --> 01:19:37.060
And God's like, well, it's not up to you.

1176
01:19:37.060 --> 01:19:41.020
Like it's Carla, it's me that restores it.

1177
01:19:41.020 --> 01:19:43.680
I'm just going to use you to be a vessel.

1178
01:19:43.680 --> 01:19:48.460
You walk in what I call you to, but you let me restore all of that.

1179
01:19:48.460 --> 01:19:49.500
And guess what?

1180
01:19:49.500 --> 01:19:52.100
After they leave your house, I'm not done.

1181
01:19:52.100 --> 01:19:55.980
I still get to restore all of the things that they've experienced in their childhood, even

1182
01:19:55.980 --> 01:20:00.020
before you came, Carla, or even before your husband came into your youngest son's life.

1183
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:07.000
I don't waste anything. I restore all.

1184
01:20:07.000 --> 01:20:14.000
Okay. All right, Shelley, you're up, then Susan.

1185
01:20:14.000 --> 01:20:21.000
Can I just mention a half minute thing? I just want to say I appreciate how in the feedback from you and Ebony,

1186
01:20:21.000 --> 01:20:25.000
I can still ask the questions that are most important to me about their walk with God,

1187
01:20:25.000 --> 01:20:27.000
but there's an open ended way to ask it.

1188
01:20:27.000 --> 01:20:31.000
So I'm still going to ask those questions because it's important to me.

1189
01:20:31.000 --> 01:20:33.000
So I appreciated that.

1190
01:20:33.000 --> 01:20:38.000
I like even the question, like you can say, like, what's your favorite thing to do on a Sunday?

1191
01:20:38.000 --> 01:20:45.000
Yeah, or actually the question was, I love hearing how someone experiences their relationship with God personally.

1192
01:20:45.000 --> 01:20:49.000
What does your walk with God look like in the season?

1193
01:20:49.000 --> 01:20:53.000
I'm going to use that because it's more open ended, but it's still asking.

1194
01:20:54.000 --> 01:20:58.000
Ladies, you can use that, especially if they mention God in their profile.

1195
01:20:58.000 --> 01:21:03.000
If they're mentioning God in their profile, then I say that question, go for it.

1196
01:21:03.000 --> 01:21:04.000
Yeah.

1197
01:21:04.000 --> 01:21:05.000
All right.

1198
01:21:05.000 --> 01:21:11.000
That's great. And also the second thing about my criteria, it's not screening all the men out.

1199
01:21:11.000 --> 01:21:13.000
It's just I need to screen.

1200
01:21:13.000 --> 01:21:15.000
Yeah, you can't.

1201
01:21:15.000 --> 01:21:17.000
I'm going bananas if I just check.

1202
01:21:17.000 --> 01:21:19.000
You're not wanting all those yeses like I said early on today.

1203
01:21:20.000 --> 01:21:21.000
You're like, that's too many.

1204
01:21:21.000 --> 01:21:22.000
I can't.

1205
01:21:22.000 --> 01:21:24.000
You have too much drama.

1206
01:21:24.000 --> 01:21:25.000
So I am.

1207
01:21:25.000 --> 01:21:28.000
I'm checking out two men so far and messaging.

1208
01:21:28.000 --> 01:21:29.000
Whatever.

1209
01:21:29.000 --> 01:21:30.000
Thank you.

1210
01:21:30.000 --> 01:21:31.000
That's it.

1211
01:21:31.000 --> 01:21:32.000
Awesome.

1212
01:21:32.000 --> 01:21:33.000
Thank you, Karen.

1213
01:21:33.000 --> 01:21:34.000
Appreciate you.

1214
01:21:34.000 --> 01:21:35.000
All right, Shelly.

1215
01:21:35.000 --> 01:21:41.000
We've been, I know she and I, Shelly, she had some things before the update on our app, too.

1216
01:21:41.000 --> 01:21:44.000
I know she was processing some stuff, too.

1217
01:21:45.000 --> 01:21:51.000
And then the post had disappeared and I couldn't pull it back up because I had been asking her questions.

1218
01:21:51.000 --> 01:21:54.000
So, Shelly, I don't know if you're nearby.

1219
01:21:54.000 --> 01:21:56.000
You can unmute.

1220
01:21:56.000 --> 01:22:00.000
I'm glad to see you.

1221
01:22:00.000 --> 01:22:01.000
I'll give you a minute here.

1222
01:22:01.000 --> 01:22:04.000
I don't know if she's nearby.

1223
01:22:04.000 --> 01:22:07.000
I see lots.

1224
01:22:07.000 --> 01:22:11.000
Some of these good old chats here.

1225
01:22:11.000 --> 01:22:14.000
I like it when my thing does not scroll down.

1226
01:22:14.000 --> 01:22:24.000
Because now I've got, like, several that I have just not been seeing because it hasn't been moving.

1227
01:22:24.000 --> 01:22:30.000
I don't know if Shelly is able to unmute just right yet.

1228
01:22:30.000 --> 01:22:32.000
Is there a UK single city?

1229
01:22:32.000 --> 01:22:34.000
Possibly.

1230
01:22:34.000 --> 01:22:36.000
Check out the resource tab.

1231
01:22:37.000 --> 01:22:42.000
I know we've had several ladies in that region.

1232
01:22:42.000 --> 01:22:51.000
I know, probably like six months ago, I know I was coaching a woman in France and a woman in Scotland.

1233
01:22:51.000 --> 01:22:54.000
So I know there's some, they were such beautiful women.

1234
01:22:54.000 --> 01:22:57.000
They're in phase three now.

1235
01:22:57.000 --> 01:22:59.000
But I know that there's more than that.

1236
01:22:59.000 --> 01:23:02.000
I mean, I know we've got women even in Africa.

1237
01:23:02.000 --> 01:23:03.000
I know there was, like, Tanzania.

1238
01:23:03.000 --> 01:23:11.000
I just did a one-on-one call with a woman, I think she's in phase one, from, oh, where is she from?

1239
01:23:11.000 --> 01:23:20.000
Nambia, which is, like, between South Africa and then I'm going to mispronounce it, Angola or something.

1240
01:23:20.000 --> 01:23:22.000
I don't know if I got that right.

1241
01:23:22.000 --> 01:23:30.000
But we have members in this community from all over the world.

1242
01:23:30.000 --> 01:23:32.000
Posted in the DC singles.

1243
01:23:32.000 --> 01:23:36.000
So you would be in Facebook, the Facebook singles group.

1244
01:23:36.000 --> 01:23:39.000
So you would have to have a Facebook account.

1245
01:23:39.000 --> 01:23:43.000
And then you would join that.

1246
01:23:43.000 --> 01:23:46.000
You'd have to have the code, which is in the resource tab.

1247
01:23:46.000 --> 01:23:50.000
You need to check out that link.

1248
01:23:50.000 --> 01:23:54.000
That document will have the codes for all of those.

1249
01:23:54.000 --> 01:23:56.000
Because everyone's like, what's the code?

1250
01:23:56.000 --> 01:23:57.000
I don't get the code.

1251
01:23:57.000 --> 01:23:58.000
It's literally in the document.

1252
01:23:58.000 --> 01:24:00.000
You've just got to look at the document.

1253
01:24:00.000 --> 01:24:02.000
And then they'll accept you in.

1254
01:24:02.000 --> 01:24:21.000
If it's, like, a week or so and you still haven't gotten in, like, post a message and we can probably reach out to whoever's leading or moderating that group and see if, you know, like, hey, did you go in and make sure that you're approving people?

1255
01:24:22.000 --> 01:24:24.000
And then after that, you would just post.

1256
01:24:24.000 --> 01:24:33.000
And then usually that person will have to approve the post.

1257
01:24:33.000 --> 01:24:34.000
Yeah.

1258
01:24:34.000 --> 01:24:35.000
Okay.

1259
01:24:35.000 --> 01:24:36.000
So that was that.

1260
01:24:36.000 --> 01:24:37.000
I'm still reading here.

1261
01:24:37.000 --> 01:24:44.000
So then someone was like, yep, Jackie mentioning that, you know, people have missed out getting married because they thought their husband had a specific name.

1262
01:24:44.000 --> 01:24:47.000
So, yes, like, that has happened.

1263
01:24:47.000 --> 01:24:50.000
So that's why when Sam was bringing up that.

1264
01:24:51.000 --> 01:24:52.000
Yeah.

1265
01:24:52.000 --> 01:24:59.000
I mean, again, like, God's got him this up and, you know, this gentleman that Sam's talking that she's friends with.

1266
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.000
And so we're not going to sit there and try to control that and coach him in that area.

1267
01:25:05.000 --> 01:25:09.000
God's got to do that for him. So it really is about where we're at.

1268
01:25:09.000 --> 01:25:14.000
Let's step out of our control and our will. And we don't have to coach these men.

1269
01:25:14.000 --> 01:25:17.000
We don't have to teach these men. We don't have to preach to these men.

1270
01:25:17.000 --> 01:25:25.000
That's not what we're having to do. We let that go. We let God sort that out.

1271
01:25:25.000 --> 01:25:29.000
Let's see. Someone's not seeing Tuesday night sessions either.

1272
01:25:29.000 --> 01:25:39.000
OK, so we will look into that. Insecurities. Good, good, good.

1273
01:25:39.000 --> 01:25:44.000
OK. OK, I don't want to run out of too much time. I am going over because I've got two more ladies.

1274
01:25:44.000 --> 01:25:50.000
Oh, there's Sheila. Hey, girl. You're on. OK. I've got a few minutes.

1275
01:25:50.000 --> 01:25:55.000
I want to take Sheila and Susan. So let's be short, brief and powerful.

1276
01:25:55.000 --> 01:25:59.000
OK. And then preaching needed to drive to a meeting. OK, perfect.

1277
01:25:59.000 --> 01:26:05.000
All right. I'm trying to get to all these calls or all these things.

1278
01:26:05.000 --> 01:26:08.000
OK, so someone's saying they're not seeing in the evening classes.

1279
01:26:08.000 --> 01:26:10.000
OK, I'm going to have to look at that. So I'm going to make a note to myself.

1280
01:26:10.000 --> 01:26:21.000
All right, Sheila, unmute. Let me know what's up. How are you?

1281
01:26:21.000 --> 01:26:25.000
Are you there? There we go. I think I got it. Gotcha. I can hear you now.

1282
01:26:25.000 --> 01:26:35.000
All right. I just got pulled over. Oh, no. You just got pulled over. You need to pull over.

1283
01:26:35.000 --> 01:26:40.000
Hold on. OK. We're going to we're going to pray over that.

1284
01:26:40.000 --> 01:26:43.000
I'm going to I'm going to talk to that officer if you're getting pulled over.

1285
01:26:43.000 --> 01:26:52.000
No, no, no, no, no. No, sorry. I had to pull over because I love that you're being safe.

1286
01:26:52.000 --> 01:26:57.000
I love that. Ladies that are ever driving in the car pull over.

1287
01:26:57.000 --> 01:27:04.000
OK, you don't. But if we have to have a conversation with an officer and we have to pray over it.

1288
01:27:04.000 --> 01:27:14.000
Don't think that I won't. OK, because I will. And let's just hope he's he or she is a Jesus follower.

1289
01:27:14.000 --> 01:27:22.000
All right. All right. What you got for me, girl? Oh, man, I have so much and I don't even know where to start.

1290
01:27:22.000 --> 01:27:31.000
And I'm coming out of work. So my brain is mush. I know I had put a bunch of different questions in the community.

1291
01:27:31.000 --> 01:27:38.000
But when I looked this morning, I don't think anybody had really seen them. So I'm not quite sure.

1292
01:27:38.000 --> 01:27:48.000
Were that had they been replied to at all or were these the ones that because I know you and I, I was I'd asked you some questions like a few weeks ago and we were going to start processing through some.

1293
01:27:48.000 --> 01:27:54.000
Was that the one that you were talking about? Yeah, one of them. And then there's been a couple since then.

1294
01:27:54.000 --> 01:28:23.000
So I've kind of had a bunch of different things going on and. OK, let's pick one. I've got your name written down and I have like all these exclamation points because I'm going to try one thing in my side to see if I can't literally just pull up all of your specific post and then comb through and see what I can get in hopes that I can hit them that way.

1295
01:28:24.000 --> 01:28:36.000
So that way we can unpack. So give me the one that's like been burning the most that you're like, Carla, I just need you to help me with this one right this second.

1296
01:28:37.000 --> 01:28:47.000
OK.

1297
01:28:47.000 --> 01:28:54.000
OK, I guess I'll go with this one. So is.

1298
01:28:54.000 --> 01:29:10.000
So I work with in a day program with adults with disabilities and I've been on the waiting list to bring someone into my home so that, you know, it's an added income and stuff.

1299
01:29:11.000 --> 01:29:19.000
And the person they fit me with was not a good fit, so I can't see how that will work, but.

1300
01:29:20.000 --> 01:29:46.000
She could potentially match me with someone else. What I'm wondering is if is that going to hinder finding someone like finding a spouse? You know what I mean? Is that going to put people off if I have somebody living in my home who has a disability?

1301
01:29:47.000 --> 01:29:56.000
OK, well, let me ask you this. Did God put it on your heart? But is this something that you feel like God is literally telling you, you know what, I've called you to.

1302
01:29:57.000 --> 01:29:59.000
You know, serve and.

1303
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.880
Love on people with a disability and you know, I'm giving you this opportunity. Do you feel like this is a God?

1304
01:30:06.920 --> 01:30:11.240
door open for you in this situation having someone in your home and being able to

1305
01:30:12.180 --> 01:30:16.880
To walk through that like do you feel like that has been God putting that in your life?

1306
01:30:18.040 --> 01:30:20.040
Do you have peace about that?

1307
01:30:20.320 --> 01:30:27.920
Yes, but this was before I had planned on ever dating. So now I'm feeling a little conflicted inside

1308
01:30:27.920 --> 01:30:29.920
I'm not sure like

1309
01:30:31.000 --> 01:30:33.080
Okay, so

1310
01:30:35.040 --> 01:30:39.840
You've got some conflict so that that felt like that was on your heart you feel like God led you to that right you're like

1311
01:30:39.840 --> 01:30:41.040
Okay, God

1312
01:30:41.040 --> 01:30:43.040
you've just put this on my heart and

1313
01:30:43.800 --> 01:30:50.000
I wasn't thinking about dating and now I'm in a situation where I could be bringing somebody in my in my home, but oh

1314
01:30:51.640 --> 01:30:54.080
How is this gonna affect dating because I really want to date

1315
01:30:55.440 --> 01:30:56.920
All right

1316
01:30:56.920 --> 01:30:58.920
What do you think?

1317
01:30:59.200 --> 01:31:00.440
What

1318
01:31:00.440 --> 01:31:07.420
Concern, do you have how dating might affect that like how how you having someone in your house would affect dating?

1319
01:31:07.880 --> 01:31:09.880
How do you think someone might?

1320
01:31:10.200 --> 01:31:12.200
approach that

1321
01:31:12.360 --> 01:31:18.280
Well, I went on a date last week and it had come up and I wonder if it's one of the reasons why

1322
01:31:19.080 --> 01:31:22.960
Like he didn't want a second date. You know what I mean? I guess that's kind of

1323
01:31:24.680 --> 01:31:26.680
Kind of

1324
01:31:26.960 --> 01:31:28.960
Put the thought more into

1325
01:31:30.640 --> 01:31:35.400
Well, I guess let me ask you this do you

1326
01:31:39.720 --> 01:31:43.800
When you think of a husband your future husband

1327
01:31:44.880 --> 01:31:46.880
Do you believe that?

1328
01:31:47.440 --> 01:31:49.560
your husband is going to

1329
01:31:52.080 --> 01:31:56.440
Want to walk out what God is placed in your heart

1330
01:31:57.520 --> 01:32:04.200
Do you think he's gonna want to come alongside you and walk through that and honor and and respect what God has placed in?

1331
01:32:04.200 --> 01:32:06.120
your heart, I

1332
01:32:06.120 --> 01:32:07.880
Mean, I would hope so

1333
01:32:07.880 --> 01:32:10.040
Right. Okay, so any

1334
01:32:10.760 --> 01:32:13.320
Husband that's gonna any man that's gonna come into your life

1335
01:32:15.000 --> 01:32:17.000
Right and

1336
01:32:18.840 --> 01:32:20.840
Is God fearing

1337
01:32:21.240 --> 01:32:28.520
He wants a relationship with the Lord wants a relationship with you who desires that who sees that you have a relationship with the Lord and

1338
01:32:28.520 --> 01:32:35.640
Loves that you have a relationship with the Lord. Is he not gonna want to honor what God's already called you to do?

1339
01:32:37.600 --> 01:32:40.320
So if God is calling you

1340
01:32:42.240 --> 01:32:44.240
To

1341
01:32:45.560 --> 01:32:48.600
Bring people in to help them with their disabilities

1342
01:32:51.280 --> 01:32:53.280
Whoever you date

1343
01:32:53.920 --> 01:33:01.960
Are they going to honor and respect are they going to feel threatened or not want to date you?

1344
01:33:03.320 --> 01:33:06.960
Because you have someone living in your home, or are they gonna see?

1345
01:33:08.360 --> 01:33:14.240
Or inquire like oh tell me more about that. You know, did you did you explain to him?

1346
01:33:14.240 --> 01:33:19.360
Like yeah, I have someone coming in my home and this is why this is what I I felt led to do

1347
01:33:19.360 --> 01:33:21.360
And this is why

1348
01:33:22.160 --> 01:33:24.160
Um

1349
01:33:24.920 --> 01:33:26.920
I think that

1350
01:33:27.600 --> 01:33:29.600
So

1351
01:33:31.960 --> 01:33:35.200
The person that I had been working with

1352
01:33:36.240 --> 01:33:39.120
I've been on the fence whether it was a good match

1353
01:33:39.400 --> 01:33:44.760
Yeah, so that purse that person the first person that you're like, this isn't a good yeah

1354
01:33:44.760 --> 01:33:47.240
So I think I approached it maybe

1355
01:33:48.000 --> 01:33:50.000
Probably the wrong way which

1356
01:33:54.240 --> 01:33:56.240
I think

1357
01:33:57.840 --> 01:34:00.720
Sorry, I read whatever popped up and now I lost my train of thought

1358
01:34:00.720 --> 01:34:02.720
I

1359
01:34:03.920 --> 01:34:06.280
Have a little bit of ADHD so I get that

1360
01:34:10.840 --> 01:34:16.160
What was they saying so so when you went out on a date with this this guy when you were

1361
01:34:16.480 --> 01:34:22.640
Explaining the situation. Did you kind of explain it to him with the with the one person that just wasn't a good fit?

1362
01:34:23.640 --> 01:34:25.160
Yes

1363
01:34:25.160 --> 01:34:30.040
Probably just didn't have it probably just didn't sit well because you were like this. It's just not a good situation

1364
01:34:30.720 --> 01:34:37.200
Could it have come across like oh, that's a little bit uncomfortable. I don't know if I want to like do it like do that

1365
01:34:38.960 --> 01:34:41.640
Well, I question what I said was

1366
01:34:42.600 --> 01:34:44.720
Because this person it was

1367
01:34:45.320 --> 01:34:49.840
Somebody who needed like 24 hour like attention

1368
01:34:49.840 --> 01:34:56.000
it was just too much for me and I was kind of on the fence about it and my people-pleasing was

1369
01:34:56.640 --> 01:34:58.640
basically running the show and

1370
01:34:58.640 --> 01:35:01.360
Yeah

1371
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.000
So it was one of those things where I was kind of like,

1372
01:35:05.000 --> 01:35:08.820
oh, I feel like I'd be losing my independence.

1373
01:35:08.820 --> 01:35:11.220
And he's like, well, isn't that what you signed up for?

1374
01:35:11.220 --> 01:35:12.980
And I was just kind of like, hmm.

1375
01:35:12.980 --> 01:35:15.900
So I can see like for me saying something like that

1376
01:35:15.900 --> 01:35:19.540
might put off someone who's looking for somebody serious.

1377
01:35:19.540 --> 01:35:20.380
You know what I mean?

1378
01:35:20.380 --> 01:35:23.180
Thinking, oh, well, she wouldn't want to commit to me either

1379
01:35:23.180 --> 01:35:27.480
because, you know, she's afraid to lose her independence.

1380
01:35:27.480 --> 01:35:30.380
So I see like that probably wasn't the right thing to say.

1381
01:35:30.380 --> 01:35:32.620
Yeah, so that's where, so that's really good.

1382
01:35:32.620 --> 01:35:34.480
I like that you're kind of recognizing that.

1383
01:35:34.480 --> 01:35:38.640
So do you see how you've got this, you know,

1384
01:35:38.640 --> 01:35:42.300
now you've got this concern, this, you know, this insecurity

1385
01:35:42.300 --> 01:35:44.340
like it's me having someone live in my home

1386
01:35:44.340 --> 01:35:47.700
gonna cause someone not to want to date me.

1387
01:35:47.700 --> 01:35:50.060
So now if you have that in your mind,

1388
01:35:50.060 --> 01:35:52.160
you see how it's kind of showing up already.

1389
01:35:52.160 --> 01:35:53.820
You're almost like,

1390
01:35:53.820 --> 01:35:55.700
now it's like the way you're speaking about it.

1391
01:35:55.700 --> 01:35:59.320
It's almost, you're kind of like making it happen.

1392
01:35:59.320 --> 01:36:02.000
Not that you're intentionally meaning to do that.

1393
01:36:02.000 --> 01:36:04.760
But again, it's going into it be like, you know what?

1394
01:36:04.760 --> 01:36:08.000
No, I'm gonna like, Lord, what is the truth here?

1395
01:36:08.000 --> 01:36:11.560
Lord, I have a, you put this desire in my heart.

1396
01:36:11.560 --> 01:36:13.060
You've called me to do this.

1397
01:36:13.060 --> 01:36:14.520
I have peace about it.

1398
01:36:14.520 --> 01:36:16.740
Like I'm serving you.

1399
01:36:16.740 --> 01:36:21.740
And so what's, why did I choose to do this?

1400
01:36:21.840 --> 01:36:24.040
Was it, is it, is it your will?

1401
01:36:24.040 --> 01:36:24.880
Is it your will?

1402
01:36:25.380 --> 01:36:27.700
Is my heart pure to this?

1403
01:36:27.700 --> 01:36:31.620
And if it is, how can I express that

1404
01:36:31.620 --> 01:36:33.060
to whoever it is that I'm meeting

1405
01:36:33.060 --> 01:36:34.660
if I'm explaining this to them?

1406
01:36:34.660 --> 01:36:37.780
And that person, then they get to decide

1407
01:36:37.780 --> 01:36:40.460
whether they see that and they're like,

1408
01:36:40.460 --> 01:36:42.300
wow, that's really awesome.

1409
01:36:42.300 --> 01:36:43.660
I love that about her,

1410
01:36:43.660 --> 01:36:45.300
or I want to get to know more about her.

1411
01:36:45.300 --> 01:36:46.580
Or, you know, that's really cool.

1412
01:36:46.580 --> 01:36:49.100
Like they get to decide,

1413
01:36:49.100 --> 01:36:50.460
do they continue to walk with you?

1414
01:36:50.460 --> 01:36:52.740
And if that's not for them, that's okay.

1415
01:36:52.740 --> 01:36:56.180
You kind of want people to kind of exit themselves out.

1416
01:36:57.200 --> 01:36:59.760
It's okay, again, as long as you,

1417
01:36:59.760 --> 01:37:01.920
if you are showing up with confidence that,

1418
01:37:01.920 --> 01:37:05.360
you know, I am walking in who I am,

1419
01:37:05.360 --> 01:37:07.280
who God has created me,

1420
01:37:07.280 --> 01:37:10.540
stepping into what he's had me do,

1421
01:37:11.520 --> 01:37:13.400
I don't have to fear anything.

1422
01:37:14.800 --> 01:37:16.980
God's got somebody out there for me.

1423
01:37:17.840 --> 01:37:18.680
And you know what?

1424
01:37:18.680 --> 01:37:21.920
If anybody comes in my life that isn't for me,

1425
01:37:21.920 --> 01:37:24.420
God's going to remove them.

1426
01:37:24.420 --> 01:37:26.900
He's going to have them bow out.

1427
01:37:26.900 --> 01:37:28.500
And that's okay.

1428
01:37:28.500 --> 01:37:32.580
That doesn't reflect that I'm doing something wrong.

1429
01:37:34.700 --> 01:37:37.220
It just means it's not for them.

1430
01:37:37.220 --> 01:37:38.540
And that's all right.

1431
01:37:38.540 --> 01:37:40.980
Go into it with the confidence and being like,

1432
01:37:40.980 --> 01:37:43.260
you know what, God, is this what you called me to do?

1433
01:37:43.260 --> 01:37:47.140
And again, you are the one that's going to go to the Lord

1434
01:37:47.140 --> 01:37:50.060
and you know what your conversations with the Lord looks like.

1435
01:37:50.060 --> 01:37:54.280
You know how you hear from him and what he speaks to you.

1436
01:37:54.280 --> 01:37:57.400
But I want you to make sure that you're paying attention.

1437
01:37:57.400 --> 01:38:00.600
Are you hearing him or are you hearing yourself

1438
01:38:00.600 --> 01:38:01.460
in the doubt?

1439
01:38:03.220 --> 01:38:04.060
Yeah.

1440
01:38:04.060 --> 01:38:05.920
You're doubting yourself like,

1441
01:38:05.920 --> 01:38:09.160
you know what, if I walk this out Lord,

1442
01:38:09.160 --> 01:38:11.640
then that means no one's going to want to date me.

1443
01:38:11.640 --> 01:38:13.400
Well, no, that's not true.

1444
01:38:13.400 --> 01:38:14.920
Because if God called you to it

1445
01:38:14.920 --> 01:38:17.080
and God's also called you to marriage,

1446
01:38:17.080 --> 01:38:19.940
God's got someone that's going to literally partner with you

1447
01:38:20.820 --> 01:38:23.880
and is going to appreciate and honor that and respect that.

1448
01:38:23.880 --> 01:38:25.720
And then guess what, if you do that,

1449
01:38:25.720 --> 01:38:27.560
and then a man is walking alongside you

1450
01:38:27.560 --> 01:38:29.200
and you see all these fruits,

1451
01:38:29.200 --> 01:38:31.360
and then, you know, God's kind of like putting on your heart

1452
01:38:31.360 --> 01:38:34.400
like, you know what, maybe it's time to kind of remove this.

1453
01:38:34.400 --> 01:38:35.680
You know, I've called you to that

1454
01:38:35.680 --> 01:38:37.600
and now I'm going to go ahead and release you from that.

1455
01:38:37.600 --> 01:38:39.920
Guess what, you're going to have a husband that is going to,

1456
01:38:39.920 --> 01:38:41.400
you know, let's say you guys get married

1457
01:38:41.400 --> 01:38:43.920
or you're going to walk into engagement.

1458
01:38:43.920 --> 01:38:45.040
You're going to have a partner

1459
01:38:45.040 --> 01:38:47.800
that's going to also walk you through that.

1460
01:38:47.800 --> 01:38:50.460
And again, there's going to be a consideration,

1461
01:38:50.460 --> 01:38:52.580
a respect and honoring.

1462
01:38:52.580 --> 01:38:56.140
You know, one of the one things that my husband did early on

1463
01:38:56.140 --> 01:38:59.460
when he asked me about wanting kids,

1464
01:38:59.460 --> 01:39:01.800
y'all, I wanted more kids.

1465
01:39:01.800 --> 01:39:02.860
I wanted to have another baby.

1466
01:39:02.860 --> 01:39:04.300
And that was on my non-negotiable.

1467
01:39:04.300 --> 01:39:07.460
You know, if guys had vasectomies, they were,

1468
01:39:07.460 --> 01:39:10.060
if they got the snip, then they got the snip from me.

1469
01:39:13.620 --> 01:39:16.100
And then if they wanted to move,

1470
01:39:16.100 --> 01:39:17.580
if they didn't want to move to Florida,

1471
01:39:18.320 --> 01:39:19.440
I wasn't leaving Florida.

1472
01:39:19.440 --> 01:39:23.000
They got, sorry, boy, that's a non-negotiable.

1473
01:39:23.000 --> 01:39:26.880
But I got really challenged when Jackie's like,

1474
01:39:26.880 --> 01:39:30.960
Carla, you need to take some of your non-negotiables.

1475
01:39:31.860 --> 01:39:35.720
Maybe moving is, maybe relocating is on the table for you.

1476
01:39:35.720 --> 01:39:39.080
And here's why, take it to the Lord.

1477
01:39:39.080 --> 01:39:41.880
And that's literally when my husband came around.

1478
01:39:41.880 --> 01:39:43.620
And then I found out he was living in Texas.

1479
01:39:43.620 --> 01:39:46.640
I thought he was in Florida and I was like, dang it.

1480
01:39:46.640 --> 01:39:50.860
And then he had had a vasectomy and I was like, dang it.

1481
01:39:50.860 --> 01:39:51.740
But I was like, you know what?

1482
01:39:51.740 --> 01:39:53.300
I'm just going to get to know him.

1483
01:39:53.300 --> 01:39:54.900
Like literally just get to know him

1484
01:39:54.900 --> 01:39:56.880
and we'll see where this goes.

1485
01:39:56.880 --> 01:40:00.180
Once I got to know him and then there was.

1486
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.740
It's like, Oh, this actually, this guy is a solid guy.

1487
01:40:04.260 --> 01:40:10.140
If he would reverse his vasectomy and move to Florida, I literally was like,

1488
01:40:10.140 --> 01:40:12.600
okay, Lord, um, maybe this guy is for me.

1489
01:40:12.600 --> 01:40:13.860
Maybe you can change his heart.

1490
01:40:15.600 --> 01:40:23.220
You're told me he's like, Carla, I told you, because then I had the

1491
01:40:23.220 --> 01:40:24.100
conversation with my husband.

1492
01:40:24.100 --> 01:40:26.620
Cause he's like, look, I've had a vasectomy and I don't want more kids.

1493
01:40:26.620 --> 01:40:30.780
And he's like, I need to know from you, like, where are you at with that?

1494
01:40:31.420 --> 01:40:33.800
And I told him, I mean, I told him like why I wanted kids and all that.

1495
01:40:33.800 --> 01:40:35.560
And he said some hard things to me.

1496
01:40:35.560 --> 01:40:41.140
He's like, well, are you truly wanting more kids because you think God is

1497
01:40:41.140 --> 01:40:42.340
calling you to have more kids?

1498
01:40:42.340 --> 01:40:45.920
Or are you only wanting more kids because you're trying to fulfill something

1499
01:40:45.920 --> 01:40:47.220
you feel like you didn't get before?

1500
01:40:48.980 --> 01:40:52.140
I was like, dude, who do you think you are?

1501
01:40:53.140 --> 01:40:55.700
I mean, at first it was kind of like, excuse me.

1502
01:40:56.140 --> 01:41:02.140
But when he said it and I sat with it for just, I mean, it literally only had to

1503
01:41:02.140 --> 01:41:08.380
take me like a few minutes to kind of go sit with it and God was like, you, that

1504
01:41:08.380 --> 01:41:14.260
man said that from a heart of just, he was speaking truth to you, Carla.

1505
01:41:14.260 --> 01:41:15.700
And he wasn't saying that to insult you.

1506
01:41:15.700 --> 01:41:17.100
He wasn't saying that to control you.

1507
01:41:17.100 --> 01:41:19.980
He wasn't saying that to, to manipulate you in any way.

1508
01:41:19.980 --> 01:41:24.900
He was really saying it because he wanted to make sure like, you know, he knew that

1509
01:41:24.900 --> 01:41:29.300
he wasn't going to have more kids and he wasn't trying to like fool you or disguise

1510
01:41:29.300 --> 01:41:29.420
you.

1511
01:41:29.420 --> 01:41:30.940
He was just being completely real.

1512
01:41:30.940 --> 01:41:32.300
And he wanted you to take that.

1513
01:41:32.500 --> 01:41:35.700
And he's like, and now Carla, you're coming to me and you're asking me.

1514
01:41:37.260 --> 01:41:43.580
And he's like, he told you something hard that led you to come to me, Carla.

1515
01:41:43.860 --> 01:41:49.220
And I'm telling you that I told you you were going to have more kids.

1516
01:41:49.260 --> 01:41:52.100
I never said you were going to birth them.

1517
01:41:52.380 --> 01:41:54.460
And I was like, what?

1518
01:41:55.780 --> 01:41:58.500
He's like, you get more kids.

1519
01:41:58.940 --> 01:42:01.140
You get two out of this deal.

1520
01:42:02.100 --> 01:42:03.380
You get another two.

1521
01:42:03.700 --> 01:42:07.940
It's just not in the way that you thought you heard me say to you.

1522
01:42:09.940 --> 01:42:16.900
And so sometimes it is that partnership of, you know, having someone that's going to

1523
01:42:17.700 --> 01:42:24.020
walk alongside you and give you those questions, but it will feel, and you'll know it's

1524
01:42:24.020 --> 01:42:26.740
different because it's not going to be coming from a place where you feel like you're

1525
01:42:26.740 --> 01:42:27.860
going to have to people, please.

1526
01:42:29.420 --> 01:42:34.620
It's coming from a place where this guy is literally just, he's a good guy, whether

1527
01:42:34.620 --> 01:42:36.020
he's your guy or not.

1528
01:42:37.420 --> 01:42:43.220
He is going to just be an honoring, respectful, mature, masculine man, because

1529
01:42:43.220 --> 01:42:46.540
ladies, I dated a lot of those mature, masculine men that were not my men.

1530
01:42:47.660 --> 01:42:48.580
They're out there.

1531
01:42:49.180 --> 01:42:52.180
And I was like, dang it, why isn't he mine?

1532
01:42:52.500 --> 01:42:55.500
Because he's a really good one, but he's not mine, so I got to release them.

1533
01:42:55.980 --> 01:42:57.900
OK, so there will be men that will show up like that.

1534
01:42:57.900 --> 01:43:00.900
But I want you to just, again, sit in the knowing.

1535
01:43:02.220 --> 01:43:02.700
That.

1536
01:43:04.220 --> 01:43:09.180
Whatever you're called to do, just continue to walk out the steps of what God's called

1537
01:43:09.180 --> 01:43:13.180
you to do and other things in life, and God's going to come meet like those men are just

1538
01:43:13.180 --> 01:43:13.820
going to come.

1539
01:43:14.020 --> 01:43:19.620
You're not going to push a man away just because you're stepping into something that

1540
01:43:19.620 --> 01:43:21.940
God's calling you over here to do.

1541
01:43:23.420 --> 01:43:25.660
Now, are you going to sit in that season?

1542
01:43:25.660 --> 01:43:27.620
Are you going to have someone living in your home?

1543
01:43:28.860 --> 01:43:33.300
When you get engaged and married, who knows, I don't know what God has for you, maybe,

1544
01:43:33.580 --> 01:43:34.340
maybe not.

1545
01:43:34.620 --> 01:43:39.820
I would think probably not you're going to want a home of your own, but who knows?

1546
01:43:40.020 --> 01:43:43.780
Maybe your future husband has a calling on his life for the same thing.

1547
01:43:44.020 --> 01:43:45.300
We don't know what that looks like.

1548
01:43:45.460 --> 01:43:49.500
This gets to be God's love story that he has written for you, not the one that we

1549
01:43:49.500 --> 01:43:50.420
write for ourselves.

1550
01:43:53.020 --> 01:44:01.460
So sit in that process, spend some time asking yourself, you know, where do where did I

1551
01:44:01.460 --> 01:44:09.300
start believing these these things that, you know, I'm in control of what God's got for

1552
01:44:09.300 --> 01:44:13.460
me or if I do something, then he's going to he's going to withhold something from me.

1553
01:44:14.820 --> 01:44:18.980
Is there ever a time in your life, in your past where you felt like God withheld

1554
01:44:18.980 --> 01:44:28.420
something from you or someone like a father or a parent or a teacher or a coach

1555
01:44:28.420 --> 01:44:33.100
withheld something from you that you might be thinking God is now going to withhold

1556
01:44:33.100 --> 01:44:33.860
something from you.

1557
01:44:35.900 --> 01:44:39.860
And let's walk through and see what if there's healing that that needs to come

1558
01:44:39.860 --> 01:44:40.860
through there as well.

1559
01:44:41.340 --> 01:44:43.540
Where did that where did that lie come in?

1560
01:44:44.020 --> 01:44:45.940
And let's replace it with God's truth.

1561
01:44:46.940 --> 01:44:49.140
And say, Lord, I'm so sorry that I doubted you.

1562
01:44:49.140 --> 01:44:54.500
I'm so sorry that I thought that, you know, if I walked in something that you call me

1563
01:44:54.500 --> 01:44:57.740
to do, that I literally could interrupt your plans.

1564
01:44:59.180 --> 01:45:00.020
I can't interrupt your.

1565
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:06.560
plans Lord not if I'm walking in your desire for me. You know you give me a choice but

1566
01:45:06.560 --> 01:45:12.720
every one of my choices you have for my good. You will walk it out. You will see it out because

1567
01:45:12.720 --> 01:45:20.080
your will for me is joy and maturity and growth and nothing that I decide you're not going to

1568
01:45:20.080 --> 01:45:34.000
call it for good. How's that feel? That's a lot. Yeah. I think a lot of it's also rooted in

1569
01:45:37.840 --> 01:45:43.120
feelings of rejection I guess. Yeah. Yeah.

1570
01:45:43.120 --> 01:45:48.960
Well and that's part of the process and that's what we're here for Sheila.

1571
01:45:51.600 --> 01:45:57.360
This is good. It is good to cry. It's good to let out the vulnerability.

1572
01:45:58.080 --> 01:46:04.000
This is where the healing comes. You are making great progress. You are getting breakthrough.

1573
01:46:07.120 --> 01:46:12.400
Like trust in that process. Would it be okay to be able to hop on at 2 30 on Tuesdays

1574
01:46:13.440 --> 01:46:19.360
like if you just expect that that's what I'm going to hop on? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

1575
01:46:20.160 --> 01:46:24.000
Because I hate that I haven't been able to like I feel like I'm not

1576
01:46:28.080 --> 01:46:33.920
being able to you know process things fully I guess. I definitely still come in the app like

1577
01:46:33.920 --> 01:46:38.320
right now like the app is a little funky like I said I was on earlier I know you were on but

1578
01:46:39.040 --> 01:46:46.480
we are in that process like we started getting a no flow and then they did an update and then

1579
01:46:46.480 --> 01:46:53.200
it like crashed my like admin like to be able to get notified when y'all were like responding to me

1580
01:46:53.200 --> 01:46:59.600
and I'm like no I have women processing stuff with me right now I can't have that happen.

1581
01:47:00.160 --> 01:47:05.680
So I'm in the works. I have an email out. I am literally doing my best to troubleshoot

1582
01:47:05.680 --> 01:47:12.240
so still show up as much as you can the app because again we can't always like go into depth

1583
01:47:12.240 --> 01:47:18.640
but if you and I will be processing what we can through the week because I mean it sounds like

1584
01:47:18.640 --> 01:47:22.320
you still had other things that we want to process I want to be able to pull out the one thing I hope

1585
01:47:22.320 --> 01:47:27.120
this you got a little breakthrough here and you could still spend some time processing more with

1586
01:47:27.120 --> 01:47:34.800
the lord and continue to keep us updated okay but you're you're doing great this is the this

1587
01:47:34.800 --> 01:47:40.880
is part of the work yeah this is what happens like this is where you ladies that show up and

1588
01:47:40.880 --> 01:47:47.520
get vulnerable like these are the ladies I see get lots of breakthrough the success stories that

1589
01:47:47.520 --> 01:47:54.560
like are powerful are the ladies that show up and get breakthrough like this I watch the um

1590
01:47:55.360 --> 01:48:01.360
Supernatural Saturday last night which was helpful because yeah like I've been dealing with

1591
01:48:01.360 --> 01:48:06.400
more of the the stuff that come back up again like the people pleasing and the rejection stuff

1592
01:48:06.400 --> 01:48:12.720
which I thought I had dealt with so that was kind of helpful to it comes up in layers it does yeah

1593
01:48:13.440 --> 01:48:18.320
so that's why Supernatural Saturday is so good because it you'll be surprised like it just

1594
01:48:18.320 --> 01:48:22.720
I still listen to it you know and I'm married y'all but I'm telling you I'm

1595
01:48:23.360 --> 01:48:29.440
heartworking through marriage like thank god Jackie just literally launched a

1596
01:48:30.080 --> 01:48:36.160
heartwork for couples like me and my husband and like three or four other couples just went through

1597
01:48:36.160 --> 01:48:43.360
it and y'all get excited because when y'all get married you get to do that with your husbands

1598
01:48:43.360 --> 01:48:48.400
too once you've spent some a few years married you're gonna want that it'll be good it'll be

1599
01:48:48.400 --> 01:48:53.920
good for you especially you know once you got a couple years in you know and my husband is now

1600
01:48:53.920 --> 01:48:59.680
like he's in the men's community and he's like on he like randomly like went on the call last

1601
01:48:59.680 --> 01:49:04.000
night and I'm sitting there like going in and out of the bedroom helping my son with his math

1602
01:49:04.000 --> 01:49:09.440
homework and I go in like a second or third time and I'm like is that David Dorman's voice that I

1603
01:49:09.440 --> 01:49:14.560
hear like what what's what are you doing and like he comes out he's like yeah I was I was on the

1604
01:49:14.560 --> 01:49:23.440
men's call I'm like I'm like good like he's he's invested in the heartwork stuff too because he

1605
01:49:23.440 --> 01:49:30.080
realizes the value of it and he's listening to Supernatural Saturday as well so ladies I don't

1606
01:49:30.080 --> 01:49:38.080
want you to get beat up or you feel let down or don't lose hope or get discouraged when some of

1607
01:49:38.080 --> 01:49:45.040
those things that you thought you dealt with resurfaced and don't think that you didn't deal

1608
01:49:45.040 --> 01:49:52.480
with him ladies you did you did process through this stuff in heartwork you did there's just

1609
01:49:52.480 --> 01:49:59.920
another layer and it's okay and that's what we're here for in this community and that's

1610
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:04.000
That's why I'm thankful that Jackie's incorporating

1611
01:50:04.000 --> 01:50:05.440
marriage groups in it.

1612
01:50:05.440 --> 01:50:07.000
I mean, I've been waiting for a while.

1613
01:50:07.000 --> 01:50:09.960
I mean, luckily, she let me stay in because she's like, hey,

1614
01:50:09.960 --> 01:50:11.320
I need you to coach.

1615
01:50:11.320 --> 01:50:13.320
You're married now, but will you stay?

1616
01:50:13.320 --> 01:50:14.680
Will you help coach?

1617
01:50:14.680 --> 01:50:18.560
And I'm like, yes, I will.

1618
01:50:18.560 --> 01:50:23.840
So ladies, don't get discouraged and think

1619
01:50:23.840 --> 01:50:25.720
that hard work stops.

1620
01:50:25.720 --> 01:50:26.220
It will.

1621
01:50:26.220 --> 01:50:29.200
It still continues, OK?

1622
01:50:29.280 --> 01:50:33.280
How do you know when you're ready to move on to phase 3?

1623
01:50:33.280 --> 01:50:35.840
Well, I always tell you ladies, make

1624
01:50:35.840 --> 01:50:37.680
sure you get through the video content.

1625
01:50:37.680 --> 01:50:40.520
Stay here at least four to five weeks.

1626
01:50:40.520 --> 01:50:42.240
But I also let you ladies know, you

1627
01:50:42.240 --> 01:50:44.360
don't have to rush through it.

1628
01:50:44.360 --> 01:50:48.200
If you are comfortable here, and you're

1629
01:50:48.200 --> 01:50:50.400
kind of wanting to work through this dating process,

1630
01:50:50.400 --> 01:50:53.520
and you want the extra support in the dating process,

1631
01:50:53.520 --> 01:50:57.240
and you want extra help in that as you're dating and working

1632
01:50:57.280 --> 01:51:00.840
through some hard work stuff, you can stay here.

1633
01:51:00.840 --> 01:51:03.360
And once you kind of feel like, OK, I got this now.

1634
01:51:03.360 --> 01:51:07.040
I'm working through this, and I'm good.

1635
01:51:07.040 --> 01:51:09.200
And then you feel like God is giving you

1636
01:51:09.200 --> 01:51:13.720
the green light to go through, then you can go through.

1637
01:51:13.720 --> 01:51:15.920
And sometimes, ladies like to stay here.

1638
01:51:15.920 --> 01:51:18.440
And I'm like, girl, you've got so much growth.

1639
01:51:18.440 --> 01:51:19.040
You're ready.

1640
01:51:19.040 --> 01:51:19.600
You're ready.

1641
01:51:19.600 --> 01:51:20.320
You're ready.

1642
01:51:20.320 --> 01:51:22.000
I have a few girls I've done that with.

1643
01:51:22.000 --> 01:51:23.040
Girl, you're ready.

1644
01:51:23.040 --> 01:51:23.600
You're ready.

1645
01:51:23.600 --> 01:51:24.160
I don't know.

1646
01:51:24.160 --> 01:51:26.160
OK, well, that's fine.

1647
01:51:26.160 --> 01:51:26.840
You can stay here.

1648
01:51:27.240 --> 01:51:28.880
But I'm telling you, you're ready.

1649
01:51:28.880 --> 01:51:30.800
And then they eventually are like, OK, Carla, you're right.

1650
01:51:30.800 --> 01:51:31.320
I'm ready.

1651
01:51:31.320 --> 01:51:33.760
I'm like, OK, you're good.

1652
01:51:33.760 --> 01:51:36.600
Myself and Ebony, we'll let you ladies know, too.

1653
01:51:36.600 --> 01:51:41.280
Like, hey, we see the growth, and you'll hear it.

1654
01:51:41.280 --> 01:51:44.280
You'll start hearing us more often say, hey, you're ready.

1655
01:51:44.280 --> 01:51:45.920
You're ready.

1656
01:51:45.920 --> 01:51:47.400
OK, thank you.

1657
01:51:47.400 --> 01:51:51.760
You just let us know when you think you're ready.

1658
01:51:51.760 --> 01:51:53.200
I have one more quick question.

1659
01:51:53.200 --> 01:51:55.400
I know we've got to end this, right?

1660
01:51:55.400 --> 01:51:57.960
Yeah, I've got to still take Susan here.

1661
01:51:57.960 --> 01:52:02.720
OK, so is there any point in a long-distance relationship

1662
01:52:02.720 --> 01:52:03.720
with no person?

1663
01:52:03.720 --> 01:52:05.120
I know the answer to this already.

1664
01:52:05.120 --> 01:52:11.440
But we're interested in each other,

1665
01:52:11.440 --> 01:52:13.800
but he's a couple states away.

1666
01:52:13.800 --> 01:52:17.000
But it doesn't seem like either one of us

1667
01:52:17.000 --> 01:52:18.200
would be able to move.

1668
01:52:18.200 --> 01:52:19.760
And I posed that to him.

1669
01:52:19.760 --> 01:52:21.120
And he's like, well.

1670
01:52:21.120 --> 01:52:23.760
If neither of you can move, then no.

1671
01:52:23.760 --> 01:52:24.520
I didn't think so.

1672
01:52:24.520 --> 01:52:26.640
And he's like, well, let's meet anyways and just

1673
01:52:26.640 --> 01:52:27.520
see what happens.

1674
01:52:27.520 --> 01:52:29.880
And I'm just kind of like, eh, well, what's the point, really?

1675
01:52:29.880 --> 01:52:30.960
Well, I would just say, look, I'd

1676
01:52:30.960 --> 01:52:32.760
be interested in entertaining that if you

1677
01:52:32.760 --> 01:52:34.680
think that moving would be an option for you.

1678
01:52:34.680 --> 01:52:37.000
But I know that moving is not an option for me.

1679
01:52:37.000 --> 01:52:38.720
OK.

1680
01:52:38.720 --> 01:52:39.440
Yeah.

1681
01:52:39.440 --> 01:52:40.960
Put the boundary up.

1682
01:52:40.960 --> 01:52:41.680
Yeah.

1683
01:52:41.680 --> 01:52:42.160
Yeah.

1684
01:52:42.160 --> 01:52:43.200
All right.

1685
01:52:43.200 --> 01:52:44.480
Because maybe that's why he's saying, oh,

1686
01:52:44.480 --> 01:52:45.640
well, let's see what happens.

1687
01:52:45.640 --> 01:52:48.240
Because maybe he would consider it if something.

1688
01:52:48.240 --> 01:52:50.120
Well, OK, well, I'll consider it if you

1689
01:52:50.120 --> 01:52:55.280
think that if things go well, you be willing to move,

1690
01:52:55.280 --> 01:52:57.800
then we can talk about that.

1691
01:52:57.800 --> 01:52:59.240
But I can't move.

1692
01:52:59.240 --> 01:53:02.680
And so if you 100% cannot move, then I'm not

1693
01:53:02.680 --> 01:53:04.080
going to move forward with this.

1694
01:53:04.080 --> 01:53:05.000
Yeah.

1695
01:53:05.000 --> 01:53:05.880
OK.

1696
01:53:05.880 --> 01:53:06.400
All right.

1697
01:53:06.400 --> 01:53:07.360
Thank you so much, Sheila.

1698
01:53:07.360 --> 01:53:09.920
All right, Susan, thank you for being so patient.

1699
01:53:09.920 --> 01:53:11.160
How are you?

1700
01:53:11.160 --> 01:53:11.840
Hi.

1701
01:53:11.840 --> 01:53:12.760
Nice to meet you.

1702
01:53:12.760 --> 01:53:13.400
No problem.

1703
01:53:13.400 --> 01:53:13.920
Thank you.

1704
01:53:13.920 --> 01:53:14.840
I haven't seen you yet.

1705
01:53:14.840 --> 01:53:16.160
I've messaged with you on apps.

1706
01:53:16.160 --> 01:53:16.760
Yes, I know.

1707
01:53:16.760 --> 01:53:17.760
And I've seen your post.

1708
01:53:17.760 --> 01:53:19.440
And I know you're like, I posted.

1709
01:53:19.960 --> 01:53:21.840
And I don't know, have I gotten to all yours?

1710
01:53:21.840 --> 01:53:22.880
I thought I've responded.

1711
01:53:22.880 --> 01:53:23.840
I don't know if I have.

1712
01:53:23.840 --> 01:53:24.520
No, it's OK.

1713
01:53:24.520 --> 01:53:25.960
It's OK, though.

1714
01:53:25.960 --> 01:53:27.720
I'll just ask you real quick right now.

1715
01:53:27.720 --> 01:53:29.240
That's all I have.

1716
01:53:29.240 --> 01:53:30.080
Perfect.

1717
01:53:30.080 --> 01:53:35.280
Just a couple quick logistic easy questions.

1718
01:53:35.280 --> 01:53:37.480
So I matched with this guy at the beginning

1719
01:53:37.480 --> 01:53:40.600
of when I was just starting to date in October

1720
01:53:40.600 --> 01:53:42.600
on Facebook dating.

1721
01:53:42.600 --> 01:53:45.040
And we had a nice phone call.

1722
01:53:45.040 --> 01:53:46.920
And he was out of town working.

1723
01:53:46.920 --> 01:53:49.640
And he works out of town for months.

1724
01:53:49.640 --> 01:53:54.000
And I said, oh, well, when do you get back to town?

1725
01:53:54.000 --> 01:53:55.760
And he's like, you don't want to know.

1726
01:53:55.760 --> 01:53:57.640
He never even really answered the question.

1727
01:53:57.640 --> 01:54:00.680
And I was like, oh, boy.

1728
01:54:00.680 --> 01:54:04.720
Yeah, and so anyway, he kind of ended the call

1729
01:54:04.720 --> 01:54:05.960
because he was still working.

1730
01:54:05.960 --> 01:54:08.280
And it was like, I don't know, 630 at night.

1731
01:54:08.280 --> 01:54:10.640
And then I didn't have a lot of experience.

1732
01:54:10.640 --> 01:54:14.120
So I never really reached out or followed up.

1733
01:54:14.120 --> 01:54:15.120
You know what I mean?

1734
01:54:15.160 --> 01:54:17.320
Hey, it was really nice talking to you the other day.

1735
01:54:17.320 --> 01:54:19.800
Did you want to talk again or anything?

1736
01:54:19.800 --> 01:54:21.440
And so I didn't hear from him either.

1737
01:54:24.600 --> 01:54:25.920
But I really liked the call.

1738
01:54:25.920 --> 01:54:27.400
He's ambitious.

1739
01:54:27.400 --> 01:54:29.200
I like he has his own business, like me.

1740
01:54:29.200 --> 01:54:30.320
We have things in common.

1741
01:54:30.320 --> 01:54:33.240
And I really liked his family background.

1742
01:54:33.240 --> 01:54:38.000
He sounds like he comes from a strong group of believers.

1743
01:54:38.000 --> 01:54:39.600
I think his parents or his grandparents

1744
01:54:39.600 --> 01:54:41.320
started 50 churches.

1745
01:54:41.320 --> 01:54:43.200
And his grandma knows about healing.

1746
01:54:43.200 --> 01:54:44.740
And I'm really passionate about that.

1747
01:54:45.740 --> 01:54:50.500
And he's probably one of the most physically attractive guys

1748
01:54:50.500 --> 01:54:51.500
that I've matched with.

1749
01:54:51.500 --> 01:54:55.620
So I was really interested.

1750
01:54:55.620 --> 01:54:58.340
He just messaged me like two weeks ago out of the blue

1751
01:54:58.340 --> 01:54:59.420
and said, hey there.

1752
01:54:59.420 --> 01:55:01.260
And I mean.

1753
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:02.260
And there was since the phone call in October.

1754
01:55:02.260 --> 01:55:04.880
And I was like, so I think I put back,

1755
01:55:06.120 --> 01:55:07.840
oh, hey, I'm surprised to hear from you.

1756
01:55:07.840 --> 01:55:08.960
And that's all I put.

1757
01:55:08.960 --> 01:55:10.320
And then he didn't say anything.

1758
01:55:10.320 --> 01:55:13.360
So I'm like, oh, well, maybe I should give it like a chance.

1759
01:55:13.360 --> 01:55:14.600
Should I text him and say like,

1760
01:55:14.600 --> 01:55:17.200
hey, it was nice you reached out like two weeks ago.

1761
01:55:18.880 --> 01:55:19.720
Are you back in town?

1762
01:55:19.720 --> 01:55:20.560
Are you back in town?

1763
01:55:20.560 --> 01:55:22.080
Yeah, you back in town?

1764
01:55:22.080 --> 01:55:24.040
Were you interested in connecting?

1765
01:55:24.040 --> 01:55:26.320
Yeah, I would just, yeah, be forward about it

1766
01:55:26.320 --> 01:55:29.320
and see like, hey, what's going on now?

1767
01:55:29.360 --> 01:55:32.000
Is he out of town like often?

1768
01:55:32.000 --> 01:55:34.520
Like, does he go out of town frequently?

1769
01:55:34.520 --> 01:55:36.400
You think he's gonna be out of town a lot?

1770
01:55:36.400 --> 01:55:40.760
I think so, but I can't, I'm not sure, but I think so.

1771
01:55:40.760 --> 01:55:42.280
I think if you just wanna get to know him

1772
01:55:42.280 --> 01:55:44.220
and see where he's at and see if when he's in town,

1773
01:55:44.220 --> 01:55:45.920
like see what that looks like.

1774
01:55:47.720 --> 01:55:48.760
I don't see there's anything wrong.

1775
01:55:48.760 --> 01:55:51.080
Cause again, this is discovery dating.

1776
01:55:51.080 --> 01:55:53.960
See what you like, see what you don't like.

1777
01:55:53.960 --> 01:55:56.520
Again, this is one of those situations where,

1778
01:55:56.520 --> 01:55:59.080
if he's frequently out of town

1779
01:55:59.080 --> 01:56:00.440
and you're wanting to date someone

1780
01:56:00.440 --> 01:56:04.040
and as you get to know him, like how realistic is it

1781
01:56:04.040 --> 01:56:05.320
that you're gonna be able to get to know somebody

1782
01:56:05.320 --> 01:56:07.080
that's not around a lot?

1783
01:56:07.080 --> 01:56:07.900
Right.

1784
01:56:07.900 --> 01:56:09.400
And even ladies, when you're long distance dating,

1785
01:56:09.400 --> 01:56:14.040
it's still important that if you are open to long distance,

1786
01:56:14.040 --> 01:56:18.120
that you are open to being able to commit

1787
01:56:18.120 --> 01:56:22.040
to being able to visit them frequently.

1788
01:56:22.040 --> 01:56:22.880
Cause-

1789
01:56:22.880 --> 01:56:25.360
Which I would, yeah, which I would be able to,

1790
01:56:25.360 --> 01:56:26.840
cause I'm like self-employed

1791
01:56:26.840 --> 01:56:28.560
and I don't even work that much anymore.

1792
01:56:28.560 --> 01:56:33.560
So I am like, I have total freedom and I'm also not,

1793
01:56:33.600 --> 01:56:35.800
I don't wanna use the word clingy, but I'm not,

1794
01:56:35.800 --> 01:56:37.840
that's probably what got me in trouble in the past

1795
01:56:37.840 --> 01:56:40.360
is I was like too fine with distance

1796
01:56:40.360 --> 01:56:43.480
and the last relationship didn't end up being good

1797
01:56:43.480 --> 01:56:45.240
cause he was cheating, but-

1798
01:56:45.240 --> 01:56:46.080
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

1799
01:56:46.080 --> 01:56:46.920
So yeah, that's what I'm saying.

1800
01:56:46.920 --> 01:56:48.280
That's what you wanna really make sure.

1801
01:56:48.280 --> 01:56:50.840
And again, it's not because you're, I mean,

1802
01:56:50.840 --> 01:56:52.200
I was in a long distance relationship

1803
01:56:52.200 --> 01:56:53.480
and I wasn't coming and seeing him

1804
01:56:53.480 --> 01:56:54.400
and he wasn't coming to see me

1805
01:56:54.400 --> 01:56:57.160
because we were worried that we were gonna be cheating.

1806
01:56:57.160 --> 01:56:58.760
You know, it was just more or less

1807
01:56:58.760 --> 01:57:01.560
as we needed to get to know each other.

1808
01:57:01.560 --> 01:57:06.280
We needed to do life together the best way that we could.

1809
01:57:06.280 --> 01:57:08.320
Cause I mean, if we were gonna commit

1810
01:57:08.320 --> 01:57:11.600
to exclusive relationship and engagement

1811
01:57:11.600 --> 01:57:14.040
and then eventually get married, I mean, when we had kids

1812
01:57:14.040 --> 01:57:15.920
and you know, that was important.

1813
01:57:15.920 --> 01:57:20.920
Like we needed to have life experience, not long distance.

1814
01:57:21.880 --> 01:57:26.480
I had to see him in his element with his friends and family.

1815
01:57:26.480 --> 01:57:28.120
He needed to see me in my element

1816
01:57:28.120 --> 01:57:29.200
with my friends and family.

1817
01:57:29.200 --> 01:57:30.680
Like that was important.

1818
01:57:30.680 --> 01:57:34.400
You need to see how people show up in their daily life.

1819
01:57:34.400 --> 01:57:39.400
And so you wanna spend as much frequent time as you can,

1820
01:57:40.040 --> 01:57:42.400
not because you're worried that they're cheating,

1821
01:57:42.400 --> 01:57:45.480
but you wanna make sure that you are,

1822
01:57:45.480 --> 01:57:47.480
you aren't like, oh, well, it's okay.

1823
01:57:47.480 --> 01:57:48.320
I don't need to see you.

1824
01:57:48.320 --> 01:57:50.480
I can just do a video call with you or whatever.

1825
01:57:51.040 --> 01:57:53.760
No, you wanna invest that time still.

1826
01:57:53.760 --> 01:57:54.880
For sure.

1827
01:57:54.880 --> 01:57:56.040
Right.

1828
01:57:56.040 --> 01:57:59.080
Yeah, I'd say, reach out and say, hey, like you reached out.

1829
01:57:59.080 --> 01:58:00.160
Like, are you in town?

1830
01:58:00.160 --> 01:58:01.960
Are you wanting to get together?

1831
01:58:03.000 --> 01:58:05.000
How are things?

1832
01:58:05.000 --> 01:58:06.840
But I wouldn't make a habit,

1833
01:58:06.840 --> 01:58:10.040
like if he's not gonna initiate

1834
01:58:10.040 --> 01:58:12.760
or you guys aren't gonna like try to get something

1835
01:58:12.760 --> 01:58:17.760
on the calendar, even if it's a video call.

1836
01:58:18.480 --> 01:58:19.320
Yeah.

1837
01:58:19.360 --> 01:58:22.120
Like get something where you're gonna get

1838
01:58:22.120 --> 01:58:24.960
to see a face-to-face video or in-person

1839
01:58:24.960 --> 01:58:27.360
sooner rather than later.

1840
01:58:27.360 --> 01:58:30.160
So then you can kind of see where that goes.

1841
01:58:30.160 --> 01:58:31.200
Okay.

1842
01:58:31.200 --> 01:58:34.160
But we don't want a lot of pen-palling.

1843
01:58:34.160 --> 01:58:35.680
Yeah, no, totally.

1844
01:58:35.680 --> 01:58:37.040
No, exactly.

1845
01:58:39.600 --> 01:58:41.080
Okay, that's good.

1846
01:58:42.360 --> 01:58:43.280
Is there anything else?

1847
01:58:43.280 --> 01:58:44.400
Yeah, just real quick.

1848
01:58:44.400 --> 01:58:45.240
The other one was-

1849
01:58:45.240 --> 01:58:46.440
Yeah, no, because I know you had posts

1850
01:58:46.440 --> 01:58:48.120
and I'm like, I can't find all of that.

1851
01:58:49.000 --> 01:58:50.360
It was one that you helped me with,

1852
01:58:50.360 --> 01:58:51.280
which was really helpful.

1853
01:58:51.280 --> 01:58:54.040
It was a guy that he was an hour and 20 minutes late

1854
01:58:54.040 --> 01:58:56.280
calling me and I kind of had attitude.

1855
01:58:56.280 --> 01:58:58.200
And you helped me kind of examine

1856
01:58:58.200 --> 01:58:59.400
why I had an attitude about that.

1857
01:58:59.400 --> 01:59:01.120
And I said, it's because I had like,

1858
01:59:01.120 --> 01:59:04.960
just stood up for a date and I had like contractors

1859
01:59:04.960 --> 01:59:06.520
on a house I was flipping, manipulate me.

1860
01:59:06.520 --> 01:59:09.040
And I just was kind of in a like a defensive place.

1861
01:59:09.040 --> 01:59:11.360
So anyway, he's a nice guy.

1862
01:59:11.360 --> 01:59:12.920
Like he kind of still laughs about it.

1863
01:59:12.920 --> 01:59:15.000
He's like, oh, that first call was funny.

1864
01:59:16.000 --> 01:59:19.600
So I'm glad like you gave it that other opportunity

1865
01:59:19.600 --> 01:59:23.920
and like he like, so that went well then?

1866
01:59:23.920 --> 01:59:25.640
Yeah, no, we had a nice first call

1867
01:59:25.640 --> 01:59:27.400
and then he missed the second call.

1868
01:59:28.800 --> 01:59:31.120
He apologized after.

1869
01:59:31.120 --> 01:59:34.200
And again, I think you guys encouraged me to give him grace.

1870
01:59:34.200 --> 01:59:35.120
So I gave him grace.

1871
01:59:35.120 --> 01:59:36.120
We set up a third call.

1872
01:59:36.120 --> 01:59:37.440
He missed it again.

1873
01:59:37.440 --> 01:59:40.320
And I felt myself even like a few minutes before the call

1874
01:59:40.320 --> 01:59:42.960
being like, oh, this guy better not even.

1875
01:59:43.240 --> 01:59:44.720
I was just ready for like,

1876
01:59:46.600 --> 01:59:50.000
and he did and I was like, I got a little triggered.

1877
01:59:50.000 --> 01:59:52.880
I got a little ticked, but then I was like, okay,

1878
01:59:52.880 --> 01:59:54.160
he's a firefighter, he's on call.

1879
01:59:54.160 --> 01:59:55.320
Maybe he got called in a fire.

1880
01:59:55.320 --> 01:59:57.120
Let me give him a chance to explain.

1881
01:59:57.120 --> 01:59:58.960
So that's what turned out happening.

1882
01:59:58.960 --> 02:00:00.200
He's like, I'm so sorry.

1883
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:01.460
a little girl drowned.

1884
02:00:01.460 --> 02:00:02.880
It was like a sad day.

1885
02:00:02.880 --> 02:00:05.880
It, you know, that's where I was, blah, blah, blah.

1886
02:00:05.880 --> 02:00:07.560
Anyway, we did do a FaceTime.

1887
02:00:07.560 --> 02:00:08.700
It was cool.

1888
02:00:10.200 --> 02:00:11.260
What was my question?

1889
02:00:12.680 --> 02:00:13.520
I don't know what my question is.

1890
02:00:13.520 --> 02:00:14.360
Oh.

1891
02:00:16.280 --> 02:00:17.400
Well, you gave him grace

1892
02:00:17.400 --> 02:00:21.040
because we were walking through and like, you know, yeah.

1893
02:00:21.040 --> 02:00:24.200
So, and then he was kind of like,

1894
02:00:25.320 --> 02:00:27.080
joked about that call, did he not?

1895
02:00:27.080 --> 02:00:29.240
Yes, yes, he joked about the call.

1896
02:00:29.320 --> 02:00:33.400
Okay, you all still getting to know each other or?

1897
02:00:33.400 --> 02:00:36.480
Yeah, like he went out of town with some guys

1898
02:00:36.480 --> 02:00:40.040
for his birthday to the Dominican Republic.

1899
02:00:40.040 --> 02:00:41.960
And there's a few things that I'm like,

1900
02:00:41.960 --> 02:00:43.920
like you said, I think his friends want him to party.

1901
02:00:43.920 --> 02:00:45.960
And he's like, I'm 40, I'm past this.

1902
02:00:45.960 --> 02:00:47.040
I can't wait to come home.

1903
02:00:47.040 --> 02:00:48.240
And I'm like, okay.

1904
02:00:48.240 --> 02:00:50.600
And then we were on FaceTime and someone interrupted him

1905
02:00:50.600 --> 02:00:52.000
and he went, Jesus.

1906
02:00:52.000 --> 02:00:53.960
And I was like, okay, don't like that.

1907
02:00:53.960 --> 02:00:55.480
But I'm like, okay.

1908
02:00:55.480 --> 02:00:58.040
And then like he had mentioned on the phone to me,

1909
02:00:58.560 --> 02:01:01.360
that he was raised Christian and stuff.

1910
02:01:01.360 --> 02:01:04.800
But I think he said he described himself as lukewarm.

1911
02:01:04.800 --> 02:01:05.920
So I'm trying to see what, okay,

1912
02:01:05.920 --> 02:01:07.720
well, what does his lukewarm mean?

1913
02:01:07.720 --> 02:01:10.880
But like, I think I'm open to just,

1914
02:01:11.840 --> 02:01:14.240
you know, like dating for discovery and stuff like that.

1915
02:01:14.240 --> 02:01:17.480
Yeah, you're getting to know like what you like,

1916
02:01:17.480 --> 02:01:21.840
what you don't, like not coming in with like this criteria.

1917
02:01:21.840 --> 02:01:22.840
Like he's gotta be there.

1918
02:01:22.840 --> 02:01:25.800
Because again, ladies don't come into it like,

1919
02:01:25.800 --> 02:01:26.640
is he my husband?

1920
02:01:26.640 --> 02:01:31.000
He's not like, just see how he shows up.

1921
02:01:31.000 --> 02:01:31.840
Yes.

1922
02:01:31.840 --> 02:01:33.120
Yes, I have to keep remembering.

1923
02:01:33.120 --> 02:01:35.200
Stop like looking for husband.

1924
02:01:35.200 --> 02:01:36.520
They can be lukewarm Christians,

1925
02:01:36.520 --> 02:01:37.840
but are they like lukewarm

1926
02:01:37.840 --> 02:01:42.000
and they're like ready to get like drenched?

1927
02:01:42.000 --> 02:01:44.560
Like they are like seeking and they just like,

1928
02:01:44.560 --> 02:01:45.400
they're there.

1929
02:01:45.400 --> 02:01:47.840
Like they're, you know, they're seeking it out.

1930
02:01:47.840 --> 02:01:51.080
And like, then yeah, by all means.

1931
02:01:51.080 --> 02:01:53.560
You know, I mean, I think everyone has a season

1932
02:01:53.560 --> 02:01:56.000
in their life when they're, you know,

1933
02:01:56.000 --> 02:01:59.280
we have ups and downs in our walk.

1934
02:01:59.280 --> 02:02:00.760
You know, we go through some things.

1935
02:02:00.760 --> 02:02:03.120
And so we don't ever wanna sit here

1936
02:02:03.120 --> 02:02:06.320
and just determine that someone is gonna be lukewarm

1937
02:02:06.320 --> 02:02:07.920
and stay lukewarm.

1938
02:02:07.920 --> 02:02:08.760
Yeah.

1939
02:02:10.200 --> 02:02:12.320
But, you know, it's something that's like,

1940
02:02:12.320 --> 02:02:13.920
to me, those are just yellow flags.

1941
02:02:13.920 --> 02:02:15.680
Like, okay, let's see.

1942
02:02:15.680 --> 02:02:19.000
Let's see, let's see where his fruit is.

1943
02:02:19.000 --> 02:02:19.840
What fruit does he have?

1944
02:02:19.840 --> 02:02:21.000
What do I like?

1945
02:02:21.000 --> 02:02:22.400
Is this something that, you know,

1946
02:02:22.400 --> 02:02:25.440
he's showing up and I'm like, you know.

1947
02:02:25.440 --> 02:02:30.440
And again, I always encourage you ladies

1948
02:02:30.720 --> 02:02:35.720
before assuming anything or thinking one thing,

1949
02:02:37.040 --> 02:02:40.240
always ask questions for clarity.

1950
02:02:40.240 --> 02:02:41.880
When you think about something

1951
02:02:41.880 --> 02:02:46.880
and you think it could look some way, ask a question.

1952
02:02:46.880 --> 02:02:51.360
Give them an opportunity to explain it in their words

1953
02:02:51.360 --> 02:02:53.600
because sometimes they'll confirm it.

1954
02:02:53.600 --> 02:02:56.400
And sometimes they'll surprise you and be like,

1955
02:02:56.400 --> 02:03:00.360
oh, that is not what I thought they were saying.

1956
02:03:00.360 --> 02:03:03.600
They were actually saying something different

1957
02:03:03.600 --> 02:03:05.880
and I like that answer.

1958
02:03:05.880 --> 02:03:09.520
Or, oh, I don't like that answer.

1959
02:03:09.520 --> 02:03:11.160
It's now it's a no for me.

1960
02:03:11.160 --> 02:03:13.320
Like, so whatever that looks like.

1961
02:03:13.320 --> 02:03:14.680
Right.

1962
02:03:14.680 --> 02:03:16.280
Yeah, that helps a lot.

1963
02:03:16.280 --> 02:03:19.040
And then like a thing that's kind of happened a few times,

1964
02:03:19.040 --> 02:03:20.240
like it happened with him too.

1965
02:03:20.240 --> 02:03:22.360
Like there was a few days where I didn't hear from him

1966
02:03:22.400 --> 02:03:23.520
and then I reached out,

1967
02:03:23.520 --> 02:03:26.080
like I don't really like to text every day, honestly.

1968
02:03:26.080 --> 02:03:27.600
Like I'm like, I haven't even met you.

1969
02:03:27.600 --> 02:03:30.520
So I like kind of prefer a few days to go by,

1970
02:03:30.520 --> 02:03:33.040
but I messaged him and then I said like,

1971
02:03:34.480 --> 02:03:36.480
I don't know, hey, whatever, how are you?

1972
02:03:36.480 --> 02:03:38.400
He's like, oh, he sent me an audio.

1973
02:03:38.400 --> 02:03:41.160
Like, honestly, I'm kind of telling on myself right now.

1974
02:03:41.160 --> 02:03:42.000
Don't judge me.

1975
02:03:42.000 --> 02:03:43.160
But I kind of went with my gut

1976
02:03:43.160 --> 02:03:44.840
that you weren't that interested in me.

1977
02:03:44.840 --> 02:03:46.680
And so that's why you didn't hear from me.

1978
02:03:46.680 --> 02:03:50.320
And you know, whatever.

1979
02:03:50.320 --> 02:03:53.720
So I was like, oh, well, thanks for being honest.

1980
02:03:53.720 --> 02:03:54.800
I mean, I haven't met you to tell you

1981
02:03:54.800 --> 02:03:56.840
if I know if I like you or not, you know?

1982
02:03:58.240 --> 02:04:01.120
So how long have you all been chatting?

1983
02:04:01.120 --> 02:04:01.960
I don't know.

1984
02:04:01.960 --> 02:04:03.760
I think we matched a few weeks ago.

1985
02:04:03.760 --> 02:04:06.000
Okay, does he live close?

1986
02:04:06.000 --> 02:04:08.320
He lives here, but he works in California.

1987
02:04:08.320 --> 02:04:11.400
So he flies there every like few days to work

1988
02:04:11.400 --> 02:04:12.640
and then come back.

1989
02:04:14.120 --> 02:04:17.360
That's another one, get an in-person sooner.

1990
02:04:17.360 --> 02:04:18.600
Yeah, I need to get an in-person.

1991
02:04:18.640 --> 02:04:21.000
Yeah, I'm honestly not sure if I'm attracted to him either.

1992
02:04:21.000 --> 02:04:24.720
And I'm trying to say like, yeah, after a couple of weeks

1993
02:04:24.720 --> 02:04:26.760
and if, oh, I didn't think you were,

1994
02:04:26.760 --> 02:04:28.880
well, how do I know if I'm interested in you

1995
02:04:28.880 --> 02:04:30.440
if I haven't met you in person?

1996
02:04:31.880 --> 02:04:34.600
Yeah, I think that was like maybe after the first week

1997
02:04:34.600 --> 02:04:35.920
that he said that.

1998
02:04:35.920 --> 02:04:37.640
Yeah, because you don't want this like

1999
02:04:37.640 --> 02:04:40.640
where you feel like you have to kind of chase him.

2000
02:04:40.640 --> 02:04:41.480
Yeah.

2001
02:04:41.480 --> 02:04:42.960
You know, again, like.

2002
02:04:42.960 --> 02:04:43.800
Right.

2003
02:04:43.800 --> 02:04:44.800
Ladies, that's another reason why I'm like,

2004
02:04:44.800 --> 02:04:47.600
just get the phone, like the video calls

2005
02:04:47.600 --> 02:04:50.960
or the in-person dates sooner rather than later

2006
02:04:50.960 --> 02:04:53.960
because we want more of a reciprocation.

2007
02:04:53.960 --> 02:04:57.960
And, you know, it's okay if men have insecurities.

2008
02:04:57.960 --> 02:05:00.120
It's okay if they're not sure.

2009
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:07.280
but we don't want them to sit there and not participate where they're stuck in

2010
02:05:07.280 --> 02:05:13.240
their like insecurities oh like you know cuz again there are men out there that

2011
02:05:13.240 --> 02:05:19.400
will they're just on online dating for dopamine hits I'm not saying that that's

2012
02:05:19.400 --> 02:05:26.320
the case with this guy I mean again we're not anything but this is why it's

2013
02:05:26.320 --> 02:05:32.040
important that we get in front get those in-person dates give up someone the

2014
02:05:32.040 --> 02:05:36.360
benefit of the doubt get to know them give them the opportunity to reciprocate

2015
02:05:36.360 --> 02:05:42.240
back you know we don't want to feel like we're having to pull them along and do

2016
02:05:42.240 --> 02:05:47.480
the work for them does that mean that we let them do it all we show interest okay

2017
02:05:47.480 --> 02:05:50.560
some of these guys need a little little encouragement they need to know that

2018
02:05:50.560 --> 02:05:58.520
you're interested in them yeah but not so much that you're always the one

2019
02:05:58.520 --> 02:06:03.560
showing them that it's pretty clear and they're just not taking it they're just

2020
02:06:03.560 --> 02:06:09.040
you know waiting to get oh I like it when she tells me that she likes me and

2021
02:06:09.040 --> 02:06:12.720
she's reaching out to me all the time that's that's a little boy at that point

2022
02:06:13.720 --> 02:06:27.120
for someone to to give him a cookie again that again we're not judging those

2023
02:06:27.120 --> 02:06:36.480
men right but you know bless them they can get their healing however they need

2024
02:06:36.480 --> 02:06:41.560
to get it God's got them on a journey but we don't have to be the one to be

2025
02:06:41.560 --> 02:06:47.520
their coach their mother their their teacher like we don't have to do that

2026
02:06:47.520 --> 02:06:51.960
mm-hmm we don't want to show them how to be a

2027
02:06:51.960 --> 02:06:58.120
masculine man mm-hmm it's I feel bad it's like and it's not attractive it's

2028
02:06:58.120 --> 02:07:01.200
like kind of a turnoff to like there was this other guy imagine he seemed like a

2029
02:07:01.200 --> 02:07:04.800
great Christian guy we went on a first date and he was nervous a little bit and

2030
02:07:04.800 --> 02:07:09.960
like I was open I told him at the end I'd go again I said I had a nice time it

2031
02:07:09.960 --> 02:07:13.440
wasn't like oh like it you know huge spark or anything but like there was

2032
02:07:13.440 --> 02:07:17.560
multiple times where he texts me and then you know a few days ago by and I'd

2033
02:07:17.560 --> 02:07:20.000
reach out and then he'd be like oh honestly I just thought you were

2034
02:07:20.000 --> 02:07:23.760
interested in me and like it was just multiple times or it's fine if you just

2035
02:07:23.760 --> 02:07:32.720
want to be friends and it was kind of yeah so exactly exactly let me see was

2036
02:07:32.720 --> 02:07:35.840
there any other questions yeah and then I imagine this other guy and he was

2037
02:07:35.840 --> 02:07:41.840
perfect gentleman like a communication was good all that nice talk but he was

2038
02:07:41.840 --> 02:07:45.960
raised to hold his witness but he's not but he I didn't really get a feel so I

2039
02:07:45.960 --> 02:07:49.880
guess I could go again like he's like I'm off I don't like religion I go to

2040
02:07:49.880 --> 02:07:53.920
church sometimes I'm all for like I love God God loves me but I kind of was like

2041
02:07:53.920 --> 02:07:59.680
not sure where he's at so I guess maybe I could just keep getting to know him I

2042
02:07:59.680 --> 02:08:03.080
just don't want to waste like I feel conscious of like wasting guys money too

2043
02:08:03.080 --> 02:08:05.920
like he's like oh I look next time I'm gonna make us reservations and I'm like

2044
02:08:05.920 --> 02:08:10.160
well maybe I should just suggest coffee or something like you just say hey look

2045
02:08:10.160 --> 02:08:14.960
I you don't like we don't have to do dinner reservations like I'm I really

2046
02:08:14.960 --> 02:08:18.040
enjoy just like low-key dates where we really get to know each other we can

2047
02:08:18.040 --> 02:08:22.680
just go bowling like we can just do something you know fun or just I mean it

2048
02:08:22.680 --> 02:08:26.280
can be a coffee it can be going and getting ice cream it doesn't have to be

2049
02:08:26.280 --> 02:08:31.600
this sit-down dinner but I want you ladies to understand to like guys get a

2050
02:08:31.600 --> 02:08:39.520
decision on how they show up to like it's not on us to feel like we're the

2051
02:08:39.520 --> 02:08:45.600
ones forcing them to take us to nice restaurants and do all of those things

2052
02:08:45.600 --> 02:08:54.400
that's their decision okay we can give other ideas and say hey like if that's

2053
02:08:54.400 --> 02:08:59.400
what you want to do that's that's fine but we can also do this this or this we

2054
02:08:59.400 --> 02:09:05.160
just want to go for a walk in the park or we want to you know go axe-throwing I

2055
02:09:05.160 --> 02:09:10.320
don't I mean whatever hat like whatever interest yes there is like axe-throwing

2056
02:09:10.320 --> 02:09:15.440
I love axe-throwing it's fun I'm competitive so my second date with my

2057
02:09:15.440 --> 02:09:19.440
husband was an arcade you know it's actually kind of funny because he asked

2058
02:09:19.440 --> 02:09:22.280
me what my what my favorite just the other day he asked me what was your

2059
02:09:22.280 --> 02:09:25.360
favorite part about our second date and I said oh when I kicked your butt in

2060
02:09:25.360 --> 02:09:32.000
that game and he's like yeah I'm like why what was your favorite part he's

2061
02:09:32.000 --> 02:09:36.800
like oh well you know when we sat down and we had this it was something like

2062
02:09:36.800 --> 02:09:41.480
really cute and I'm like yeah no honey I was I said I kicked your butt and you

2063
02:09:41.480 --> 02:09:47.080
didn't let me win and I won like I knew like so I mean just things like that

2064
02:09:47.080 --> 02:09:51.400
like just going to somewhere where it can just be fun and it doesn't have to

2065
02:09:51.400 --> 02:09:57.720
be expensive I mean spend time if that late if ladies I'll leave you with this

2066
02:09:57.720 --> 02:10:00.960
if any of you ladies

2067
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:07.680
feel this way about, oh, wasting a guy's money or wasting a guy's time and feeling subconscious.

2068
02:10:07.680 --> 02:10:14.800
I want you to spend some time with the Lord on that and figure out where is that coming from.

2069
02:10:15.360 --> 02:10:20.000
Okay, where do we take on that responsibility? And not saying that there are not women out there

2070
02:10:20.000 --> 02:10:26.240
that actually do abuse it. There are women out there that literally do abuse men for that. They

2071
02:10:26.240 --> 02:10:32.880
want them to take them out to all the nice restaurants with the intention of not really

2072
02:10:32.880 --> 02:10:40.000
truly wanting to value the guy. And if that is your heart, you need to go check it with the Lord.

2073
02:10:41.120 --> 02:10:47.120
But if you're sitting here conscious about it, chances are that's not your heart. It's your

2074
02:10:47.120 --> 02:10:52.400
concern that that's how it's going to be portrayed. So that is not your heart.

2075
02:10:52.720 --> 02:10:58.480
Right. So it's discovering, okay, where does, what's that rooted in?

2076
02:10:59.920 --> 02:11:05.120
Yeah. I think my mom kind of gives me sometimes coaching like that. And, but I could see how

2077
02:11:05.120 --> 02:11:09.200
that would be codependent. I think my mom sometimes is like giving me coaching like that.

2078
02:11:09.760 --> 02:11:14.000
And, but I think I could see how that could be codependent because it's like, it's up to him to

2079
02:11:14.000 --> 02:11:18.080
decide. But I just like, I'm in my head thinking like, oh, I probably make a ton more money than

2080
02:11:18.080 --> 02:11:21.680
him. And I'm probably not, it's probably not even going to go anywhere. Like he doesn't seem like

2081
02:11:21.680 --> 02:11:26.160
he's on my level spiritually. Oh, I feel bad. Like, yeah. Using his money.

2082
02:11:27.200 --> 02:11:33.680
Well, that's where, again, like I always suggest like give the options, like you get to like, if

2083
02:11:33.680 --> 02:11:38.880
some men feel like they have to, they have to perform. It's like, um, was like the peacock and

2084
02:11:38.880 --> 02:11:42.800
the feathers. Like they feel like they just have to like fluff up and they have to like be the

2085
02:11:42.800 --> 02:11:49.360
brightest, like bird and like that. I understand that. But when we can come in and be like, Hey,

2086
02:11:49.920 --> 02:11:58.000
I would have, oh, like we can do that. Or what do you say about doing this? Offering something else

2087
02:11:59.120 --> 02:12:06.400
and letting them say, oh no, but I really wanted to. Okay. Like, like let them leave that if that's

2088
02:12:06.400 --> 02:12:12.400
what they want, but give them that option. If you feel like then you actually are giving them an

2089
02:12:12.400 --> 02:12:17.760
opportunity to where, if that is something that is on their mind and they're concerned about,

2090
02:12:17.760 --> 02:12:25.040
you gave them an opportunity out. And then now whether they choose, chose it or not,

2091
02:12:25.040 --> 02:12:32.640
that's on them. Come back on you. Right. Yeah. Okay. That's good. Thank you. And sometimes

2092
02:12:32.640 --> 02:12:35.840
ladies, if you're on online, you can put that in your profile, like, Hey, dates,

2093
02:12:35.840 --> 02:12:41.920
like kind of dates that enjoy lists and dates that are inexpensive. So that guys know in the

2094
02:12:42.160 --> 02:12:48.720
So that guys know in the beginning, Oh, I can just go do this. And, you know, that, that might

2095
02:12:49.280 --> 02:12:57.360
help lower their anxiety, if you will, you know? Right. Yeah, for sure. And like, I know Ebony

2096
02:12:57.360 --> 02:13:01.920
mentioned, you know, like people not touching you and stuff, like, especially on the first date.

2097
02:13:01.920 --> 02:13:06.480
And so we were leaving in the restaurant, walking to the car and he kind of like went behind me

2098
02:13:06.480 --> 02:13:10.640
and like kind of touched my waist and the smaller back for like a brief second to move me to the

2099
02:13:10.640 --> 02:13:15.840
other side of him because he wanted to walk on the outside to protect me. But like, do you have

2100
02:13:15.840 --> 02:13:19.920
any thoughts? Is that okay? My husband did that, but my husband actually asked my permission

2101
02:13:20.480 --> 02:13:28.000
on our first date. If he could hold my hand. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. Again, that was just a boundary

2102
02:13:28.000 --> 02:13:33.920
thing. I mean, again, like I was okay with like a handhold or something. Again, my husband was

2103
02:13:33.920 --> 02:13:41.760
very mindful of how I felt and what my level of comfort was. Um, I, he asked me for a kiss and I

2104
02:13:41.760 --> 02:13:48.320
said, no. And so that was important to me. So again, that's just going to be dependent on

2105
02:13:49.040 --> 02:13:56.160
each individual. Again, I, I'm not comfortable if a man is going to touch you ladies and it's sexual.

2106
02:13:58.320 --> 02:14:03.360
No. Now, if a man is just trying to help open a door and like help you kind of, you know,

2107
02:14:03.360 --> 02:14:12.240
whatever. And if it kind of gives you a cringy, like you can communicate like, Hey, like, thank

2108
02:14:12.240 --> 02:14:18.560
you. You know, but again, we want to make sure that it's, is it a response from a trigger, a

2109
02:14:18.560 --> 02:14:24.560
wound, or is it, this is just like a discerning, like, I don't like that this man is touching me.

2110
02:14:24.560 --> 02:14:29.840
I feel like this is an advance and he's not respecting me. Right. Let's not assume that

2111
02:14:29.840 --> 02:14:35.760
it just a glance, like, like, again, he was just trying to provide that. I don't see anything

2112
02:14:36.480 --> 02:14:41.040
wrong. Like if a guy is going to just, again, be a gentleman and be protective,

2113
02:14:41.680 --> 02:14:48.240
I don't think that that kind of touch is negative. Now I had another date where the guy

2114
02:14:48.880 --> 02:14:56.080
did do the small of my back, the grabbing of my hand. And then there was something in me that

2115
02:14:56.080 --> 02:14:59.840
like, it felt good. And I was like, Oh, this is, this is nice.

2116
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:06.240
And I was like, this is a first date, Carly, you should not, like, I had to go check myself.

2117
02:15:06.240 --> 02:15:10.280
And I was in this community and I went home.

2118
02:15:10.280 --> 02:15:15.340
I came to the community and I was like, ladies, I'm going to be open.

2119
02:15:15.340 --> 02:15:17.360
And this is how the date went.

2120
02:15:17.360 --> 02:15:19.160
And this is something that stirred up in me.

2121
02:15:19.160 --> 02:15:24.280
And this is something that God's showing me that I had to work in because I was known

2122
02:15:24.280 --> 02:15:27.800
to be physical with people very quickly.

2123
02:15:27.800 --> 02:15:34.440
And so that was God saying, Carla, you need to be mindful of this.

2124
02:15:34.440 --> 02:15:39.560
God was showing me that this guy was not a guy for me, but I could see how all of a sudden

2125
02:15:39.560 --> 02:15:46.960
the touch, the attention, that he was an attractive guy, but he was, he didn't have a lot of guy

2126
02:15:46.960 --> 02:15:47.960
friends.

2127
02:15:47.960 --> 02:15:52.240
He was in and out of relationships, frequently living with the women.

2128
02:15:52.240 --> 02:15:57.080
There was a lot of, he had lots of foul language, he had a good job, I think.

2129
02:15:57.360 --> 02:16:03.360
But I'm like, there was, I mean, it literally like just those things that I was like, he's

2130
02:16:03.360 --> 02:16:06.320
attractive, he had a good paying job and he, whatever.

2131
02:16:06.320 --> 02:16:11.320
And then he's giving me attention and like holding my hand and grabbing me in the crowd

2132
02:16:11.320 --> 02:16:14.480
and you know, showing me off basically.

2133
02:16:14.480 --> 02:16:23.400
Like I felt very much seen and it felt good and I was like, but Lord, the man cusses like

2134
02:16:23.400 --> 02:16:30.440
a sailor, which look like sometimes like there's just get it, whatever that for me,

2135
02:16:30.440 --> 02:16:36.520
I'm like, that's not attractive at all.

2136
02:16:36.520 --> 02:16:41.360
And again, he was living with girlfriends, like all of his relationships, he had lived

2137
02:16:41.360 --> 02:16:42.360
with the girlfriends.

2138
02:16:42.360 --> 02:16:43.360
I was like, that's not happening.

2139
02:16:43.360 --> 02:16:47.320
When I asked him about friends, he was basically like, well, I don't really have any close

2140
02:16:47.320 --> 02:16:49.040
friends because I always lived with girlfriends.

2141
02:16:49.040 --> 02:16:53.680
And I'm like, well, that's like, those were things that I knew right off the bat.

2142
02:16:53.680 --> 02:16:58.920
I'm like, this is not good, but I had to go check myself.

2143
02:16:58.920 --> 02:17:04.120
So that kind of touching, I was like, I had to go check that.

2144
02:17:04.120 --> 02:17:06.760
So it's about what, what does it stir in you?

2145
02:17:06.760 --> 02:17:07.760
What do you notice?

2146
02:17:07.760 --> 02:17:11.080
But again, like my husband, he was like, can I hold your hand?

2147
02:17:11.080 --> 02:17:16.639
I was like, yeah, because to me it was, it was an innocent, like he was just literally,

2148
02:17:16.639 --> 02:17:18.719
you know, right.

2149
02:17:18.719 --> 02:17:19.719
It was harmless.

2150
02:17:19.719 --> 02:17:23.879
You know, and obviously he wanted to kiss me, you know, I'm like, dude, you're going

2151
02:17:23.879 --> 02:17:27.680
to have to wait.

2152
02:17:27.680 --> 02:17:31.959
And even then, after I kind of explained it to him, he, even after we got exclusive, he's

2153
02:17:31.959 --> 02:17:38.959
like, I just want you to know that I know you, you know, you wanted exclusivity before

2154
02:17:38.959 --> 02:17:44.120
kissing, but I don't want you to feel like just because we're exclusive, he's like, I'm,

2155
02:17:44.120 --> 02:17:46.959
I want you to let me know when you're ready.

2156
02:17:46.959 --> 02:17:54.799
And he let me kind of lead that, but he, you know, he led the conversation, which led

2157
02:17:54.799 --> 02:17:59.160
me to feel more comfortable.

2158
02:17:59.160 --> 02:18:03.639
So yeah, the whole, you just got to check, check your heart, check where you're at with

2159
02:18:03.639 --> 02:18:11.920
it, put boundaries up if you need to, but you can discern if they're being creepy or

2160
02:18:11.920 --> 02:18:12.920
not.

2161
02:18:12.920 --> 02:18:13.920
Yeah.

2162
02:18:13.920 --> 02:18:14.920
Yeah.

2163
02:18:14.920 --> 02:18:15.920
I totally trust that.

2164
02:18:15.920 --> 02:18:16.920
Okay.

2165
02:18:16.920 --> 02:18:17.920
All right, ladies.

2166
02:18:17.920 --> 02:18:19.520
I hope that was a good call.

2167
02:18:19.520 --> 02:18:21.400
Thank you so much.

2168
02:18:21.400 --> 02:18:26.400
I will double check on that Tuesday night thing and see if we can't get that fixed in

2169
02:18:26.400 --> 02:18:27.400
the group.

2170
02:18:27.400 --> 02:18:32.120
Loretta, I did see, I don't know if she's still on here or not Loretta.

2171
02:18:32.120 --> 02:18:37.280
I don't know what it is because the way I wrote it, it looks like a U not a V. I did

2172
02:18:37.280 --> 02:18:39.920
see your message that you have a post.

2173
02:18:39.920 --> 02:18:43.799
So I will be looking at that shortly.

2174
02:18:43.879 --> 02:18:49.799
I think everybody else that I get to, I hope again, ladies, thank you so much for being

2175
02:18:49.799 --> 02:18:52.160
patient with our app right now.

2176
02:18:52.160 --> 02:18:57.080
I'm hoping that we can get that sorted out sooner rather than later.

2177
02:18:57.080 --> 02:19:00.840
And all right, well have a great rest of your day.

2178
02:19:00.840 --> 02:19:01.840
All right, ladies.

2179
02:19:01.840 --> 02:19:03.200
We'll talk to you soon.