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Nadine, this is a beautiful picture of you.

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Oh, thanks.

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I took it when I started doing real estate not too long ago, but yeah, it's been a while.

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Yeah.

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Wow.

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How old are you?

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Like 27, 28?

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I'm 33.

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Oh, okay.

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Let me adjust this laptop.

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So, did we have a good week, lady?

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All feeling under the weather, I understand.

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My throat has been a bit scratchy tonight for some reason or another, so I totally understand.

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Oh, you've been sick all week too, Emily?

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Oh, no.

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Well, let us get started.

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I want us to have plenty of time.

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Oh, wow.

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Good workout.

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Jesus, I thank you for these ladies.

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I thank you for the opportunity for us to come together to hear the wisdom that you have

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stored for us.

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I thank you, Father God, that you are working great things.

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You have good thoughts toward us, and you always plan for our highest, greatest, best.

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And so, we love you, Jesus, and we thank you.

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In Jesus' name, amen.

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Amen.

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So, are there any new ladies on tonight?

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Just wave at me if this is your first time joining us.

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Stephanie, this is your first time being on with us?

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Yes.

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I mean, I've done the heart work before, but never got the chance to do Love Accelerator.

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But, I mean, I've been in Jackie's program for a long time.

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Maybe that's where, but this is my first time on this.

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Okay.

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Sorry.

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It seems like I'm so used to seeing your name.

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So, good.

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So happy to have you in tonight's session.

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Teresa, it's your first time?

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It's your first time, too, Chantelle?

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Well, good.

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We're so happy to have y'all tonight.

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I'm Ebony.

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Of course, you see my name on the screen.

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I'll be the coach for 8 p.m.

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And sometimes, every blue moon, if I get to fill in for Carla, I will be the one o'clock.

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But literally, it's only been two times since I've been a coach.

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So, not hardly ever, if we're going to put it that way.

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So, yeah, we're happy to have you.

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Just a little bit about myself.

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I did this program, I guess, four years ago now.

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I am currently a third grade reading English language arts teacher.

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Yeah.

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I'm saying it's so good to see you.

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And Patty and all y'all.

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I'll start calling everybody out.

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But, yeah.

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And so, this was one of – everything about this program is so good.

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But I think this phase changed my life the most.

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It was the one that I was most resistant to, just because I already had an idea of how things should go, even though I got in the program.

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I found that I wasn't really willing to submit to the wisdom that was provided for me.

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And so, I hit my head a whole lot before I realized that Jackie's way is better, which is, i.e., God's plan.

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So, even when I thought I was signing up for something, I still wanted to have it.

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Yes, this is phase two, Stephanie.

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I still wanted to have it my way.

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And so, dating grew me tremendously, and it helped to challenge me and accelerate me in my own self-awareness.

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And so, I am hopeful.

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I know this program changes lives, and I know it'll do the same for you.

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And I hope that you enjoy phase two as much as I did.

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Just a couple of announcements.

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Let me see.

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Thank you, Auguste, for your extended grace as we navigate the updates.

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And so, you may notice that you'll post something or maybe a response to us, and we don't respond back to you.

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It's not that we don't want to respond back to you.

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We actually don't see it.

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And so, sometimes we may log in from the admin side, and it's completely blank.

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Like, we don't even see anything there.

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Or somebody could say, you know, I responded back to you.

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You didn't say anything.

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We'll try to go through the system and find where that particular post that something was posted on.

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So, there's a lot of delay also.

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And so, it's just kind of where we are.

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So, please forgive us.

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It's not personal.

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And if you see, like, oh, they responded to them and not to me, it's not like that.

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It's just how it's coming up when we log into the app.

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Also, mark your calendars for February 17th.

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We are going to do another camera ready for online dates call.

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We'll give you feedback.

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Oh, yeah.

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So, look fancy.

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So we can give you feedback.

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And so look like you would look

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if you were going on a date or try something new,

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try a new color, look up your color palette,

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ask ChatGBT, put your picture in there,

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ask them what clothes look good on you,

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what color looks good on you,

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what lipstick would look good on you,

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how would your hair look differently,

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what color would look good on your hair?

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Do some research and try your new colors out on us.

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Do a color you've never worn before and see what happens.

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See, and let us look at you and say,

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oh yeah, that really does go with your skin color.

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So we want you guys to do that.

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Don't forget that Karla and I both accept one-on-one.

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If you wanna do any one-on-one coaching,

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and you feel like that you have more to be unpacked,

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the sessions are 50 minutes

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and they are under the resource tab.

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So a lot of ladies like to do this

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if you don't wanna go back and forth,

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there is a fee, a lot of times people ask.

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Are you sure the bobstyle would look better on you, Sandy?

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I'm sorry, I got distracted with the chat.

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But yeah, we have more things to unpack.

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I definitely encourage you to do a one-on-one

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coaching session and I think they're great.

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And I think you would really enjoy it.

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All right, here we go, 706.

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So this week, and this is the thing that I'm gonna do

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because I have to do it, 50 minutes once per week.

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So 50 minutes in a session is what you get

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with one-on-one coaching.

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It's just a nonstop 50 minute session.

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I'm gonna set my time, oh, February the 17th

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is for when we come dressed camera ready,

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doing something new.

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The session, I have to be done at 8.30 per my boss.

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So I'm gonna set my timer five minutes before 8.30.

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When the timer goes out, whether I'm talking

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or whether you talking, we have to end the conversation

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and then we'll post it in the app, okay?

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And so please help me by not being offended

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when that happens and follow up with me

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because we really do wanna hear what you ladies

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have going on and we really do wanna help you

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process through things.

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I hope there's something that you've been able to tell

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about our hearts, that we are all in it with you all.

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We are praying for you all

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and we wanna see heaven's highest good

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happen in your life.

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So we are very well invested in who you are

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and what heaven has for you.

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And more so than anything, we are committed to the vision

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that heaven has given to Jackie,

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that there's a revival of kingdom marriages

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and we are the boots on the ground

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and we wanna see God's kingdom come

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and his will be done in your life.

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And so if we ask you to follow up, please do

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because we wanna help you navigate things.

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So are there any questions, any thoughts?

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Not any questions about coaching, about dating yet,

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but just any question about anything that I've said?

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I have a question.

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This is Eloise.

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This is my first week and I have no idea

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what we're gonna be doing in this part.

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I've been in phase one, it seems like forever.

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So I don't know how you do phase two at all.

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Yeah, that's a good question, Ms. Eloise.

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So what happens in phase two is we want you to watch

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at least one video a week,

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very similar to what you did in phase one.

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And what we're gonna do is you watch the kickoff one.

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Jackie, it's just a seven day challenge.

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It doesn't mean that you have to get seven days,

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but it's just to get your engine running, get you going.

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These coaching live calls, coaching that we're doing,

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it's for every part of who you are.

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It's not just if you're dating.

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You're gonna hear a lot of dating questions,

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but you'll see as we start processing through things,

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dating has more to do with us

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than it does with the other person.

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And then not only do we process through dating,

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you can have family issues

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and different types of relationship things that are going on

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that we definitely want to process through.

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And so we have the coaching sessions on Tuesday.

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You can come to 1 p.m. or 8 p.m. or both.

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And then we have activations.

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We talk about them in our session,

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but we also post them so that you can see them

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and that you can actually go out and do the activation.

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We believe our activations help ignite things

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on the inside of us.

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I'm convinced that it does.

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They're a lot of fun,

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and they do help put you in the perspective and mindset

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for where heaven is taking you.

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Sounds great.

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Sounds great?

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Yeah.

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Oh, great, good.

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So tonight, we try to do about 25, 30 minutes

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of some sort of teaching to equip you.

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And then we try to spend the rest of our time

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as much as we have taking on some dating questions

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or some challenges that you may be having

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and try to navigate those things with you all.

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And so tonight we're going to be talking about,

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and you'll see.

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the rotation of the topics.

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So we're not going to be able to cover everything

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in 25, 30 minutes.

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It's just not possible.

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And so you'll see we'll rotate back

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through those same topics again and try

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to cover more issues that we're having in the area,

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equip you more for your capacity or to grow and expand you

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in those areas.

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So tonight, we're going to be talking

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about one of my favorite things, and it's confidence.

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Confidence and insecurities.

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And they go hand in hand.

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They're really, at the core, they're a heart issue.

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They're an identity issue.

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If there's a heart issue, it's an identity issue.

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It's a way in which we see ourselves

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that is usually almost always shaped

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by how we've been cultivated in life, our past experiences.

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Because our past experiences have a lot to do with this,

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if we don't get the things healed in our heart,

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like you just went through the hard work

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and you come into this phase, hard work's not over.

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You actually get to work that thing out of you, right?

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So now here comes the buffering or the rubbing up against.

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And you don't know that it's going to happen,

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but it happens so well in dating.

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Nothing pulls truth out of you like dating,

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because everything in you sends up all these alarms.

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And it's like, get back.

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Get too close.

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Get as much as you want of South.

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Most people say when he shows up, they get scared.

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Because it's like somebody is getting closer

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to the secret space.

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And everything in you wants to protect you.

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Because as much as you want it,

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you know just as much as you want it.

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If it falls apart, that's just how bad it's going to hurt.

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And we, in a natural way,

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like to protect ourselves from hurt.

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So with that goal and with that in our mind,

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wanting to protect ourselves,

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it takes us a while to grow to a secure place.

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A secure place usually has a lot to do

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with you trusting God more fully

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with your destination and your journey.

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A lot of times we're trusting with the destination

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00:12:03.800 --> 00:12:06.400
because you know if he really can't nobody

257
00:12:06.400 --> 00:12:08.960
make it happen for him at this point.

258
00:12:08.960 --> 00:12:12.600
But it's the journey that we like to do it our way.

259
00:12:12.600 --> 00:12:15.080
It's in the journey that we like to put up the walls.

260
00:12:15.080 --> 00:12:17.600
It's in the journey that we like to secure our hearts.

261
00:12:17.600 --> 00:12:20.160
Because though I hear you got about the destination,

262
00:12:20.160 --> 00:12:23.520
the end goal, the journey is what I'm afraid of.

263
00:12:23.600 --> 00:12:27.280
Because a lot of time we have a history with God

264
00:12:27.280 --> 00:12:29.160
and we felt like he didn't come through

265
00:12:29.160 --> 00:12:30.600
the way we thought he should have.

266
00:12:30.600 --> 00:12:32.800
He didn't show up the way we thought he should have.

267
00:12:32.800 --> 00:12:35.880
He didn't protect us or guard us the way we should have.

268
00:12:35.880 --> 00:12:38.160
And a lot of those just are broken things

269
00:12:38.160 --> 00:12:40.320
that happen on the inside of us, right?

270
00:12:40.320 --> 00:12:43.280
We generally don't take account for where we are

271
00:12:43.280 --> 00:12:46.520
and what we were doing and why we were doing it.

272
00:12:46.520 --> 00:12:50.040
We believe that God overrides our will and he does not.

273
00:12:50.960 --> 00:12:53.240
A lot of times we believe that we've been waiting on God

274
00:12:53.960 --> 00:12:55.280
for 20 or 30 years and it's his fault.

275
00:12:55.280 --> 00:12:57.080
Reason why something hasn't happened for us,

276
00:12:57.080 --> 00:12:58.680
that's not true.

277
00:12:58.680 --> 00:13:01.520
And so the reason why I say that is not true,

278
00:13:01.520 --> 00:13:04.000
everybody may have their own personal experience,

279
00:13:04.000 --> 00:13:05.520
but heaven wants more for you

280
00:13:05.520 --> 00:13:07.920
than you could possibly want for yourself.

281
00:13:07.920 --> 00:13:10.440
And sometimes we don't see in life

282
00:13:10.440 --> 00:13:12.240
that we're not in the right alignment

283
00:13:12.240 --> 00:13:14.800
to partner with what heaven wants to do.

284
00:13:14.800 --> 00:13:16.320
And sometimes heaven can come

285
00:13:16.320 --> 00:13:18.000
and we'll put up such a resistance

286
00:13:18.000 --> 00:13:20.880
that we can't even grow in that order.

287
00:13:20.880 --> 00:13:22.040
And I'm gonna give you an example.

288
00:13:22.040 --> 00:13:26.200
Somebody says, hey, take this road, this is the best way.

289
00:13:26.200 --> 00:13:28.960
And you decide, I don't wanna go that way.

290
00:13:28.960 --> 00:13:31.320
No, I wanna do it this way.

291
00:13:31.320 --> 00:13:33.040
And you can find places in your life

292
00:13:33.040 --> 00:13:34.640
where you've hit your head up against the wall

293
00:13:34.640 --> 00:13:36.800
so many times till you just stop and say,

294
00:13:36.800 --> 00:13:38.960
okay, there is a different way.

295
00:13:38.960 --> 00:13:41.840
A lot of times when we're praying with God

296
00:13:41.840 --> 00:13:45.720
and we don't have all of the understanding

297
00:13:45.720 --> 00:13:48.600
of maybe the root systems that are growing in us.

298
00:13:48.600 --> 00:13:49.440
And we keep saying,

299
00:13:49.440 --> 00:13:50.840
but I'm just waiting on God to bring me a husband,

300
00:13:50.840 --> 00:13:52.200
I'm just waiting on God to bring me a husband.

301
00:13:52.200 --> 00:13:54.040
And this man never shows up.

302
00:13:54.040 --> 00:13:57.240
You haven't dealt with any of your root systems though.

303
00:13:57.240 --> 00:14:00.800
There are things in you that naturally push people away.

304
00:14:00.800 --> 00:14:02.720
And you can still with your same mouth

305
00:14:02.720 --> 00:14:04.200
be saying, I'm waiting on God.

306
00:14:04.200 --> 00:14:05.760
I'm just waiting on God.

307
00:14:05.760 --> 00:14:07.560
But we still haven't dealt with a lot of things.

308
00:14:07.560 --> 00:14:10.240
So there are moving pieces when we talk about,

309
00:14:10.240 --> 00:14:11.840
I've been waiting on him.

310
00:14:11.840 --> 00:14:15.880
But I just want to say the same thing Jackie said.

311
00:14:15.880 --> 00:14:17.800
There are no waiting rooms in heaven.

312
00:14:18.800 --> 00:14:21.080
There are no waiting rooms.

313
00:14:21.080 --> 00:14:23.600
There's no 20 year, 30 year waiting room.

314
00:14:23.600 --> 00:14:25.680
And there's no reason why you're being held back

315
00:14:25.680 --> 00:14:26.520
from your love.

316
00:14:26.520 --> 00:14:27.760
So there's nothing about you.

317
00:14:28.760 --> 00:14:32.120
There's nothing about you so horrible.

318
00:14:32.120 --> 00:14:35.720
The reason why you have to be on the bench.

319
00:14:35.720 --> 00:14:38.960
And so I hope that that's a restorative thing for you

320
00:14:38.960 --> 00:14:41.800
that thought that, okay, this time I'm in the game.

321
00:14:43.280 --> 00:14:46.920
And me and coach Jesus, we're going to get it done.

322
00:14:46.920 --> 00:14:49.520
So anyway, so let's go back.

323
00:14:49.520 --> 00:14:51.720
Well, let's keep moving more so.

324
00:14:51.720 --> 00:14:54.440
So you have confidence and insecurities

325
00:14:54.440 --> 00:14:55.960
and they tie hand in hand.

326
00:14:57.320 --> 00:15:00.120
And one of the things I want to kind of touch on.

327
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.120
When there's an insecurity, they feed our triggers.

328
00:15:05.320 --> 00:15:07.120
Sometimes we think we just have triggers,

329
00:15:07.320 --> 00:15:11.240
but insecurity feed into your triggers, especially in dating,

330
00:15:11.440 --> 00:15:13.920
in the place you want to guard yourself the most.

331
00:15:14.120 --> 00:15:18.560
So how can I identify when I have an insecurity?

332
00:15:18.760 --> 00:15:23.200
You usually feel it if you process out loud in the moment.

333
00:15:23.400 --> 00:15:26.120
Out loud, you will have somebody to help you identify it.

334
00:15:26.360 --> 00:15:31.360
But one thing I want to tell you and I want to help you identify insecurities,

335
00:15:31.560 --> 00:15:35.520
especially in dating or in family dynamics, it doesn't matter.

336
00:15:35.720 --> 00:15:40.120
The opposite of insecurity is security.

337
00:15:40.320 --> 00:15:44.320
So it's security or insecurity.

338
00:15:44.520 --> 00:15:50.000
And insecurity, when we don't deal with it to become secure,

339
00:15:50.160 --> 00:15:55.720
we will find a way to engineer safety

340
00:15:55.920 --> 00:15:58.640
because security equals safety.

341
00:15:58.840 --> 00:16:01.440
And if you don't deal with it the right way,

342
00:16:01.640 --> 00:16:08.480
you will engineer a way to keep yourself safe or you feel that keeps you safe.

343
00:16:08.680 --> 00:16:10.160
So how do I identify it?

344
00:16:10.360 --> 00:16:12.400
I identify it when I create my dating

345
00:16:12.600 --> 00:16:18.000
profile and I give a laundry list of things that must be met.

346
00:16:18.360 --> 00:16:19.880
And I say you have to be this,

347
00:16:20.080 --> 00:16:22.280
you have to be this, you have to be this and you have to be this.

348
00:16:22.280 --> 00:16:24.760
And if you're not this and you're not this and you're not this,

349
00:16:24.960 --> 00:16:29.440
you're not this, then we can't do that because you're not A, you're not B,

350
00:16:29.440 --> 00:16:31.640
you're not C, you're not D, you don't speak in tongues.

351
00:16:31.840 --> 00:16:33.080
You don't go to church enough.

352
00:16:33.280 --> 00:16:34.640
Our ministry doesn't align.

353
00:16:34.840 --> 00:16:36.400
You're not this, you're not that.

354
00:16:36.600 --> 00:16:41.200
Now, I'm not talking about the three M's, mature, masculine, marriage minded.

355
00:16:42.320 --> 00:16:44.520
I'm talking about the security test

356
00:16:44.720 --> 00:16:49.200
questions that you want to put a man through in order to guard your heart,

357
00:16:49.200 --> 00:16:55.240
because you're insecure, you're trying to manufacture safety for yourself.

358
00:16:56.680 --> 00:16:59.200
That's how you know when you're operating

359
00:16:59.400 --> 00:17:04.040
from a place of insecurity because you're working to manufacture safety.

360
00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:10.640
And sometimes as women, we feel like if you can just answer these questions, I feel safe.

361
00:17:10.839 --> 00:17:14.160
So tell me you love God and I feel safe.

362
00:17:14.359 --> 00:17:16.200
No, I'm not going to actually take time

363
00:17:16.200 --> 00:17:19.079
to research and observe to see your fruit.

364
00:17:19.280 --> 00:17:20.280
Just say you love him.

365
00:17:20.480 --> 00:17:21.800
That's enough for me.

366
00:17:22.000 --> 00:17:23.880
So that when you find out he doesn't,

367
00:17:24.079 --> 00:17:28.760
you say in return, but you said you love God.

368
00:17:29.840 --> 00:17:34.360
And so a lot of times as women, because our language is communication,

369
00:17:34.560 --> 00:17:37.680
we feel like if you say it, you must mean it.

370
00:17:37.680 --> 00:17:39.960
And I don't have to do any more work after that.

371
00:17:40.160 --> 00:17:44.800
I'm just going to hold you to what you say when the truth is.

372
00:17:45.040 --> 00:17:47.440
Whether a person says they love God or not,

373
00:17:47.640 --> 00:17:54.280
the due diligence wisdom tells me that I take my time and pace and get to know anyone.

374
00:17:56.720 --> 00:18:00.520
OK, and so this has nothing to do, don't hear what I'm not saying,

375
00:18:00.720 --> 00:18:05.720
this has nothing to do with when you're dating, you want someone to be

376
00:18:05.920 --> 00:18:10.480
a Christian, I'm not saying that, like, you know.

377
00:18:10.680 --> 00:18:13.400
So we're not we're not saying that part,

378
00:18:13.600 --> 00:18:16.720
but what I am saying is

379
00:18:16.920 --> 00:18:20.160
your security questions can indicate to you that there's

380
00:18:20.360 --> 00:18:24.200
an insecurity and that you're trying to manufacture safety.

381
00:18:24.400 --> 00:18:30.760
And the best way for safety is to actually enter into enter into a growing

382
00:18:30.960 --> 00:18:35.440
date dating scenario with the person, pace yourself,

383
00:18:35.640 --> 00:18:40.800
pace yourself, pace yourself so that you can get to know them,

384
00:18:41.040 --> 00:18:43.640
because there are certain things if you've been dating long enough,

385
00:18:43.840 --> 00:18:49.680
if a man say per se checks a bunch of boxes, you will shoot up like a jet into space.

386
00:18:49.880 --> 00:18:52.680
And in one week, in two weeks, you'll be in love.

387
00:18:52.880 --> 00:18:56.080
Every day you talk to somebody about, well, I can move there, I can do this.

388
00:18:56.280 --> 00:18:57.560
Oh, it sounds like he's great.

389
00:18:57.760 --> 00:18:59.560
I've never connected with nobody like him before.

390
00:18:59.760 --> 00:19:02.120
And he's just amazing.

391
00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:08.800
It's and it's because of three boxes he checked in one day or two days.

392
00:19:09.000 --> 00:19:12.960
But boxes to us could mean safety.

393
00:19:14.280 --> 00:19:22.280
But true safety, true security is found in pacing in a relationship.

394
00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:24.840
That's called healthy.

395
00:19:25.040 --> 00:19:26.880
What keeps our heart safe?

396
00:19:27.080 --> 00:19:28.760
What keeps us secure?

397
00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:31.480
Boundaries.

398
00:19:31.680 --> 00:19:34.320
Why do boundaries keep us safe and secure?

399
00:19:34.320 --> 00:19:36.480
Because we are a prize.

400
00:19:36.680 --> 00:19:38.760
You are worthy to be loved.

401
00:19:38.960 --> 00:19:40.800
You are worthy to be treated right.

402
00:19:41.000 --> 00:19:43.440
You are worthy to be accepted.

403
00:19:43.640 --> 00:19:50.840
You are a treasure in a jewel, not because you're a woman, but because God made you.

404
00:19:54.080 --> 00:19:59.600
So what happens is you find out that you are treasure.

405
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.280
You find yourself worthy of safety and protection,

406
00:20:04.280 --> 00:20:06.760
not because out of fear of being hurt,

407
00:20:06.760 --> 00:20:11.520
it's because you're a person, right?

408
00:20:11.520 --> 00:20:13.560
And then you submit to boundaries

409
00:20:13.560 --> 00:20:15.720
and boundaries keep you safe.

410
00:20:15.720 --> 00:20:19.520
Questions and questionnaires and all of these,

411
00:20:19.520 --> 00:20:21.880
if this is right or this is right, this is right,

412
00:20:21.880 --> 00:20:24.040
there's some, they're just an attempt

413
00:20:24.040 --> 00:20:25.880
to manufacture security.

414
00:20:25.880 --> 00:20:27.080
I hope I hit that well,

415
00:20:27.080 --> 00:20:29.080
because I kind of hung out there for a little while,

416
00:20:29.120 --> 00:20:30.760
but it really shows up in there

417
00:20:30.760 --> 00:20:32.160
and you can check yourself

418
00:20:32.160 --> 00:20:33.920
when you start doing those things.

419
00:20:34.920 --> 00:20:38.160
You know, or check when you say something

420
00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:40.200
and someone doesn't respond quick enough.

421
00:20:41.480 --> 00:20:43.720
What comes up in your heart?

422
00:20:43.720 --> 00:20:45.800
Do you start to ponder, did I say something wrong?

423
00:20:45.800 --> 00:20:46.960
Did I do something?

424
00:20:46.960 --> 00:20:50.920
When you start off with, did I, did I, did I,

425
00:20:50.920 --> 00:20:54.320
then stop and evaluate and tell yourself this,

426
00:20:55.440 --> 00:20:57.240
if I did do something wrong,

427
00:20:57.240 --> 00:20:59.400
if I did say something they didn't like,

428
00:20:59.400 --> 00:21:02.520
they are big enough and grown enough to let me know.

429
00:21:02.520 --> 00:21:04.200
And if they don't let me know,

430
00:21:04.200 --> 00:21:06.480
that has nothing to do with me.

431
00:21:06.480 --> 00:21:09.640
I don't try to be kind, I am kind.

432
00:21:09.640 --> 00:21:12.760
I don't try to be honoring, I am honoring.

433
00:21:12.760 --> 00:21:14.800
And at any time I don't operate as such,

434
00:21:14.800 --> 00:21:17.160
I expect that person to speak for themselves

435
00:21:17.160 --> 00:21:18.040
and say something.

436
00:21:20.200 --> 00:21:23.440
Until then, they'll get back to me when they want to.

437
00:21:23.440 --> 00:21:26.560
And they do get to show up the way they want to show up,

438
00:21:26.600 --> 00:21:30.280
because if I let them show up the way as who they are,

439
00:21:30.280 --> 00:21:33.160
I can observe their patterns to know

440
00:21:33.160 --> 00:21:35.960
if this is worth my time.

441
00:21:37.400 --> 00:21:40.120
But when we don't allow people to be who they are,

442
00:21:40.120 --> 00:21:45.120
we can't observe them to see their patterns, to know them.

443
00:21:46.320 --> 00:21:49.280
You know, nobody shows up to be evaluated.

444
00:21:49.280 --> 00:21:51.360
And so a lot of times when we have like,

445
00:21:51.360 --> 00:21:53.720
B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B,

446
00:21:53.720 --> 00:21:56.360
we're actually doing it so we can feel safe.

447
00:21:57.880 --> 00:22:00.400
They're like, well, why would I want to talk to you?

448
00:22:00.400 --> 00:22:02.320
I don't want to be evaluated.

449
00:22:02.320 --> 00:22:03.800
Nobody wants to be evaluated.

450
00:22:03.800 --> 00:22:06.840
People want to be seen, heard, and known.

451
00:22:06.840 --> 00:22:09.360
You want to be seen, heard, and known.

452
00:22:09.360 --> 00:22:12.320
Have you ever saw a man on a dating app or talked to a man

453
00:22:12.320 --> 00:22:14.400
and it feels like he got all these little check boxes

454
00:22:14.400 --> 00:22:15.920
and you say to yourself,

455
00:22:15.920 --> 00:22:18.120
I really don't know if I add up to all this.

456
00:22:19.800 --> 00:22:22.000
You'll start to feel like you have to prove yourself

457
00:22:22.000 --> 00:22:24.600
to them, even though they didn't say it.

458
00:22:24.600 --> 00:22:26.280
Who's ever felt that way?

459
00:22:26.280 --> 00:22:28.760
Like, oh, I got to work to prove myself.

460
00:22:28.760 --> 00:22:32.160
That same thing happens when we give out the same thing.

461
00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:35.440
Everybody's just trying to find safety and security.

462
00:22:35.440 --> 00:22:39.200
So even when men do it, they're also seeking the same thing.

463
00:22:40.720 --> 00:22:42.120
They want to feel safe.

464
00:22:42.120 --> 00:22:43.480
They want to feel secure.

465
00:22:45.080 --> 00:22:49.320
So the thing we have to remember is that we're all people.

466
00:22:50.320 --> 00:22:52.680
Nobody is not a person.

467
00:22:53.720 --> 00:22:58.720
And I really, when we see men as enemies

468
00:23:00.160 --> 00:23:02.560
or somebody that's trying to get over on us,

469
00:23:02.560 --> 00:23:05.360
we've taken the facts of our life.

470
00:23:05.360 --> 00:23:07.560
We've taken what has happened in our life,

471
00:23:07.560 --> 00:23:10.120
the facts of our life, and we made them the truth.

472
00:23:12.480 --> 00:23:14.320
And so we've clumped people together

473
00:23:14.320 --> 00:23:16.320
and we said, this is what's true.

474
00:23:17.320 --> 00:23:19.040
But that can't be the case.

475
00:23:20.280 --> 00:23:21.880
Those are facts.

476
00:23:21.880 --> 00:23:23.080
They are not true.

477
00:23:26.360 --> 00:23:27.400
Do you hear me?

478
00:23:27.400 --> 00:23:29.760
What happened in your life was a fact.

479
00:23:29.760 --> 00:23:31.320
It's not true.

480
00:23:31.320 --> 00:23:34.080
And it's not true for every person.

481
00:23:34.080 --> 00:23:37.480
Every one of us, this is something I want to share.

482
00:23:37.480 --> 00:23:41.480
Every one of us have fallen short in some area of our life.

483
00:23:42.480 --> 00:23:46.920
And if you're not able to recognize your shortcomings,

484
00:23:46.920 --> 00:23:50.760
then there needs to be more hard work to be done

485
00:23:50.760 --> 00:23:52.560
because there's a level of self-awareness

486
00:23:52.560 --> 00:23:54.120
that has not come there yet.

487
00:23:55.000 --> 00:23:56.880
So why do I say that?

488
00:23:56.880 --> 00:23:58.800
Because the Bible says with the same measure

489
00:23:58.800 --> 00:24:02.080
in which you judge, you will be judged in return.

490
00:24:02.080 --> 00:24:04.320
And so when we start to judge people

491
00:24:04.320 --> 00:24:05.640
according to some ways,

492
00:24:05.640 --> 00:24:10.320
we must not fail to consider ourselves.

493
00:24:11.320 --> 00:24:13.520
And to consider where we've fallen short

494
00:24:13.520 --> 00:24:16.360
and consider that we want to be accepted.

495
00:24:16.360 --> 00:24:17.560
We want to be seen.

496
00:24:17.560 --> 00:24:19.160
We want to be known.

497
00:24:19.160 --> 00:24:22.040
But the problem is when you're operating in security,

498
00:24:22.040 --> 00:24:24.240
you feel like everybody is a suspect

499
00:24:24.240 --> 00:24:27.240
and you cannot see them as humans.

500
00:24:28.360 --> 00:24:31.880
You only see them as somebody trying to take from you.

501
00:24:31.880 --> 00:24:34.680
Somebody trying to get over on you.

502
00:24:34.680 --> 00:24:37.000
And when you see them as suspect or victims,

503
00:24:37.000 --> 00:24:38.480
this is a ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,

504
00:24:38.480 --> 00:24:40.120
not a red flag for them.

505
00:24:40.880 --> 00:24:43.160
A red flag for you.

506
00:24:43.160 --> 00:24:45.680
That, hey, something's out of sort.

507
00:24:45.680 --> 00:24:46.600
I don't even know them.

508
00:24:46.600 --> 00:24:48.480
This is not that you're turning a blind eye

509
00:24:48.480 --> 00:24:50.360
to somebody who's trying to look on you.

510
00:24:50.360 --> 00:24:51.760
This is not that you're turning a blind eye

511
00:24:51.760 --> 00:24:54.400
to somebody who says something foolish to you.

512
00:24:54.400 --> 00:24:56.000
Please don't hear what I'm not saying.

513
00:24:56.000 --> 00:24:58.960
If you have any questions, I do want you to ask me

514
00:24:58.960 --> 00:25:00.760
because I think this is a big deal.

515
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:09.680
And I think that as we grow in this way, we'll find ourselves feeling more safe.

516
00:25:09.680 --> 00:25:17.840
True safety is an inside job, it's not an outside job.

517
00:25:17.840 --> 00:25:22.720
You feel safe, not because somebody makes you feel safe, you feel safe with you first

518
00:25:22.720 --> 00:25:27.600
and then they create an environment that you recognize safety and you say, okay.

519
00:25:27.600 --> 00:25:30.240
But the first safety happens within you.

520
00:25:30.240 --> 00:25:33.200
And so sometimes how, what does that look like?

521
00:25:33.200 --> 00:25:39.920
Sometimes they look like you saying, oh, well, I just, I can really be, I can be myself with

522
00:25:39.920 --> 00:25:40.920
him.

523
00:25:40.920 --> 00:25:41.920
He makes me feel so safe.

524
00:25:41.920 --> 00:25:44.800
I don't have to feel like I have to guard anything.

525
00:25:44.800 --> 00:25:51.640
And like all of those things in some way, form of fashion are true.

526
00:25:51.640 --> 00:25:58.120
But if the circumstance changed, all of a sudden you're really broken and hurt, right?

527
00:25:58.120 --> 00:26:03.840
What I'm saying to you is, you don't bask in the safety of another person before you

528
00:26:03.840 --> 00:26:11.200
are outside of you having your own safety within.

529
00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:14.320
Does that make sense?

530
00:26:14.320 --> 00:26:20.440
So you may create, it's inviting safe space for me, but it's not bored of my own safety.

531
00:26:20.440 --> 00:26:30.360
And so my own safety that lives within me leads me, it gives me wisdom, it speaks something

532
00:26:30.360 --> 00:26:31.360
to me.

533
00:26:31.360 --> 00:26:36.040
And so even when all these little shenanigans here fall apart, or even if it's family issues

534
00:26:36.040 --> 00:26:41.160
or even if all these, whatever's going on, there's a safety within me that leads me,

535
00:26:41.160 --> 00:26:44.640
that shows me the way.

536
00:26:44.640 --> 00:26:49.800
And so we have to carry our own safety and we have to carry our own wisdom and we carry

537
00:26:49.800 --> 00:26:57.560
them everywhere we go.

538
00:26:57.560 --> 00:27:04.480
So sometimes we take our facts of life and we make them our truths.

539
00:27:04.480 --> 00:27:08.160
And that can't be the case, it's never supposed to be this way.

540
00:27:08.160 --> 00:27:11.760
And this is something you guys went over in phase one in hard work.

541
00:27:11.760 --> 00:27:13.360
So what do I do?

542
00:27:13.360 --> 00:27:19.880
What do I do with my facts that keep contending for truth in my life?

543
00:27:19.880 --> 00:27:25.120
You uproot the roots and you replace them.

544
00:27:25.120 --> 00:27:35.480
You replace it with truth because facts of truth live in two different worlds.

545
00:27:35.480 --> 00:27:43.240
Truth will override facts because truth gives you the greatest perspective, the highest

546
00:27:43.240 --> 00:27:46.920
order, and it gives you freedom.

547
00:27:46.920 --> 00:27:58.440
Freedom is found in truth, bondage is found in the facts of your life, especially if the

548
00:27:58.440 --> 00:28:05.360
facts of your life come from broken, fragmented things, like it's a fact that this happened,

549
00:28:05.360 --> 00:28:07.800
but I don't have to live in this forever.

550
00:28:07.800 --> 00:28:09.560
Have you ever taken something from childhood?

551
00:28:09.560 --> 00:28:14.440
I will say me, that's why we all were in the hard work too, and you've lived it so long,

552
00:28:14.440 --> 00:28:21.240
that's all you know, and it's kept you in bondage so long.

553
00:28:21.240 --> 00:28:25.120
That's what facts can do for you.

554
00:28:25.120 --> 00:28:27.360
It will keep you in bondage.

555
00:28:27.360 --> 00:28:30.360
And so we can't change the facts of life.

556
00:28:30.360 --> 00:28:34.560
We cannot change the facts of some things that have happened to all of us.

557
00:28:34.760 --> 00:28:39.360
What we can do is take a truth and fill that space.

558
00:28:39.360 --> 00:28:43.200
Listen, there are no empty spaces anywhere.

559
00:28:43.200 --> 00:28:44.760
It doesn't work like this.

560
00:28:44.760 --> 00:28:49.960
Something is going to fill the space and we have to determine what is going to fill the

561
00:28:49.960 --> 00:28:55.360
spaces of my heart, of my soul, of my world, of my family dynamics, of anything that's

562
00:28:55.360 --> 00:28:56.360
going on.

563
00:28:56.360 --> 00:29:00.200
So am I going to let a higher truth fill that space?

564
00:29:00.800 --> 00:29:04.600
Or am I going to let lies continue to live there?

565
00:29:04.600 --> 00:29:09.200
And so we uproot lies, we replace them with truth, and then we work that truth every day

566
00:29:09.200 --> 00:29:12.720
until we come into a different revelation of who we are.

567
00:29:12.720 --> 00:29:17.200
You know, a lot of times we'll come into FaceTune, we'll think, I thought I got over this stuff.

568
00:29:17.200 --> 00:29:19.200
That's not quite how that works.

569
00:29:19.200 --> 00:29:31.200
You uproot lies, you replace them with truth, and then you work them until you look in the

570
00:29:31.200 --> 00:29:33.200
mirror and you look like you.

571
00:29:33.200 --> 00:29:38.600
Because what you see in the mirror, when I say you look like it, you're looking back

572
00:29:38.600 --> 00:29:39.600
at you.

573
00:29:39.600 --> 00:29:44.000
And now you become a reflection of power.

574
00:29:44.000 --> 00:29:47.200
You become a reflection of security and safety.

575
00:29:47.200 --> 00:29:49.200
When I say power, empowerment.

576
00:29:49.200 --> 00:29:53.200
Empowerment within you gives you the ability to make the best decisions.

577
00:29:53.200 --> 00:29:56.000
It gives you the ability to submit to wisdom.

578
00:29:56.000 --> 00:30:00.000
It gives you the ability to honor your life, and your body, and your mind, and how you

579
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:00.000


580
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.800
to operate, that's what happens.

581
00:30:03.800 --> 00:30:07.440
And so you keep working it until it's perfected in you.

582
00:30:10.080 --> 00:30:12.120
The facts don't go anywhere.

583
00:30:13.400 --> 00:30:14.480
They're still there.

584
00:30:14.480 --> 00:30:17.880
And actually I love how even in my own life,

585
00:30:17.880 --> 00:30:21.720
the facts have become my stepping stone.

586
00:30:21.720 --> 00:30:26.160
It has become the podium per se that I stand on

587
00:30:26.160 --> 00:30:29.760
and tell a higher truth for other people to be set free.

588
00:30:30.440 --> 00:30:32.400
You don't have to suppress them.

589
00:30:32.400 --> 00:30:35.160
You don't have to stuff them in a closet and hide them.

590
00:30:40.760 --> 00:30:42.520
That doesn't have to be done.

591
00:30:42.520 --> 00:30:44.660
Those facts will serve your life.

592
00:30:45.760 --> 00:30:47.640
You just don't need to serve them.

593
00:30:49.040 --> 00:30:49.880
Okay?

594
00:30:53.880 --> 00:30:56.560
So one of the, and I'm gonna wrap this up.

595
00:30:56.560 --> 00:31:01.080
One of the things we want you guys to do is

596
00:31:03.360 --> 00:31:06.720
we wanna take some time to make new space

597
00:31:06.720 --> 00:31:08.640
for new things in your life,

598
00:31:08.640 --> 00:31:12.120
new truths and new identities to be birthed.

599
00:31:14.160 --> 00:31:16.920
And we want to bring forth new confidence

600
00:31:16.920 --> 00:31:20.380
to help you respond to the triggers with understanding.

601
00:31:22.160 --> 00:31:24.080
And so, and because I read,

602
00:31:24.080 --> 00:31:25.400
I wanna say this a little bit.

603
00:31:25.400 --> 00:31:28.440
We're gonna take some time and make space for new stuff,

604
00:31:28.440 --> 00:31:31.140
new truths, and we're gonna birth new identity.

605
00:31:31.140 --> 00:31:33.520
If you find that you are the person

606
00:31:33.520 --> 00:31:36.960
who has this laundry list of what a man needs to be

607
00:31:36.960 --> 00:31:38.960
to be a part of your life,

608
00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:41.520
and you're refusing to let those things go,

609
00:31:41.520 --> 00:31:43.240
and I'm not talking about mature marriage,

610
00:31:43.240 --> 00:31:44.400
man and masculine.

611
00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:47.800
I'm not talking about the core foundation of what a man is.

612
00:31:49.600 --> 00:31:52.480
I want you to know that that is a flag to you

613
00:31:52.480 --> 00:31:55.240
that a lot of these things that you are saying

614
00:31:56.080 --> 00:31:58.440
are out of protection and safety.

615
00:31:58.440 --> 00:32:00.400
And you do not feel secure.

616
00:32:00.400 --> 00:32:05.360
You feel insecure because the opposite of secure is insecure.

617
00:32:05.360 --> 00:32:07.960
And if you don't deal with the root of things

618
00:32:07.960 --> 00:32:09.200
and you don't wanna face it,

619
00:32:09.200 --> 00:32:12.920
you are manufacturing safety for yourself.

620
00:32:14.120 --> 00:32:19.120
Because every human has the need to feel safe.

621
00:32:19.760 --> 00:32:21.600
And if we don't deal with the core,

622
00:32:21.600 --> 00:32:23.080
we don't realize what we're doing,

623
00:32:23.080 --> 00:32:24.880
we are manufacturing safety

624
00:32:25.520 --> 00:32:28.160
and we believe if all of these boxes are checked

625
00:32:28.160 --> 00:32:32.400
and you meet my idea, then I got myself something.

626
00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:35.720
But I'm telling you, you don't have yourself anything

627
00:32:35.720 --> 00:32:38.400
because you don't have the ability to see somebody

628
00:32:38.400 --> 00:32:40.840
three years, five years, six years, seven years,

629
00:32:40.840 --> 00:32:43.720
10 years, 20 years, 15 years down the road.

630
00:32:43.720 --> 00:32:45.600
You are limited in vision.

631
00:32:45.600 --> 00:32:47.400
You are limited in knowledge.

632
00:32:47.400 --> 00:32:52.080
You are limited in wisdom because you are human.

633
00:32:53.080 --> 00:32:55.440
You come with limitations.

634
00:32:55.440 --> 00:32:58.400
The things that are the most important in your life

635
00:32:58.400 --> 00:33:01.160
you don't even control, like your heart beating,

636
00:33:01.160 --> 00:33:02.840
like your lungs pumping,

637
00:33:02.840 --> 00:33:04.920
like the blood going through your body,

638
00:33:04.920 --> 00:33:06.920
like the activity of your limbs,

639
00:33:06.920 --> 00:33:09.040
like the working of your brain.

640
00:33:09.040 --> 00:33:12.600
You are limited in your control.

641
00:33:12.600 --> 00:33:15.080
Very, very limited.

642
00:33:15.080 --> 00:33:16.720
But we believe because we control

643
00:33:16.720 --> 00:33:18.480
these little moving things all around us

644
00:33:18.480 --> 00:33:19.600
that we're in control.

645
00:33:20.040 --> 00:33:23.360
But you or me could do nothing if our hearts stop beating.

646
00:33:25.120 --> 00:33:26.920
You or me could do nothing

647
00:33:26.920 --> 00:33:29.040
if there was our lungs were not pumping.

648
00:33:30.720 --> 00:33:34.440
You or me could not go in and fix any digestive issues

649
00:33:34.440 --> 00:33:36.240
that will be on what we were eating.

650
00:33:37.240 --> 00:33:38.080
Right?

651
00:33:38.080 --> 00:33:40.680
So do you hear what I'm saying?

652
00:33:40.680 --> 00:33:44.920
So what we do is we can manufacture safety.

653
00:33:44.920 --> 00:33:47.320
And I heard somebody say that part about the control

654
00:33:48.320 --> 00:33:49.640
on ministry the other day,

655
00:33:49.640 --> 00:33:51.920
just let you know I borrowed that from somebody,

656
00:33:51.920 --> 00:33:53.400
but it's true.

657
00:33:53.400 --> 00:33:56.520
The part about us being in control.

658
00:33:56.520 --> 00:33:59.320
And so what I want us to do is I want to take a little time

659
00:33:59.320 --> 00:34:02.400
and I want us to, we want to replace new stuff,

660
00:34:02.400 --> 00:34:04.800
new truths and birth new identity

661
00:34:04.800 --> 00:34:06.920
to bring forth confidence in you.

662
00:34:06.920 --> 00:34:09.080
So you don't have to have some kind of checklist

663
00:34:09.080 --> 00:34:10.480
for a man to meet,

664
00:34:10.480 --> 00:34:14.400
but you can actually pace yourself and get to know people

665
00:34:14.440 --> 00:34:17.560
and not be afraid of every little thing somebody does

666
00:34:17.560 --> 00:34:21.320
so you can see them for who they are and be okay with it

667
00:34:21.320 --> 00:34:24.280
and not see it as a threat to come and take you out.

668
00:34:25.159 --> 00:34:28.159
But like, hey, you just got an issue with lying.

669
00:34:28.159 --> 00:34:29.960
I understand.

670
00:34:29.960 --> 00:34:32.199
You know, you can't go on a journey with me,

671
00:34:32.199 --> 00:34:35.280
but yeah, I hope you get help for it.

672
00:34:35.280 --> 00:34:36.880
It's okay.

673
00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:38.159
Oh, you just don't keep your word.

674
00:34:38.159 --> 00:34:39.199
I understand.

675
00:34:39.199 --> 00:34:41.360
You have some growing to do in the area.

676
00:34:41.360 --> 00:34:43.639
We just can't grow on this journey together.

677
00:34:43.679 --> 00:34:44.679
That's not where I am.

678
00:34:44.679 --> 00:34:47.400
I'm not in the ability to help people grow right now.

679
00:34:47.400 --> 00:34:49.040
I'm not in the changing business.

680
00:34:49.040 --> 00:34:50.800
Only Jesus can do that.

681
00:34:50.800 --> 00:34:53.400
So I can give an example of what a good list is.

682
00:34:53.400 --> 00:34:56.520
A good list is when you say,

683
00:34:56.520 --> 00:35:00.200
I need a man or I'm looking for a man who.

684
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.360
as a teachable heart.

685
00:35:05.000 --> 00:35:08.400
I need a man who's committed to righteousness

686
00:35:08.400 --> 00:35:11.000
versus a man who speaks in tongue,

687
00:35:11.000 --> 00:35:13.980
who's Holy Ghost feel, who's charismatic,

688
00:35:13.980 --> 00:35:15.800
who does the same ministry I do,

689
00:35:18.400 --> 00:35:20.080
who reads the Bible with me.

690
00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:25.880
I need a man who's committed to righteousness

691
00:35:25.880 --> 00:35:28.240
because a man who's committed to righteousness

692
00:35:28.240 --> 00:35:31.080
honor God in all he does.

693
00:35:31.080 --> 00:35:33.280
The Bible says that the step of a good man

694
00:35:33.280 --> 00:35:36.500
is ordered by the Lord and he delighted in his way.

695
00:35:38.800 --> 00:35:40.320
You understand these are,

696
00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:45.320
so sometimes we curate a type of man, a type of image.

697
00:35:46.000 --> 00:35:49.360
So you say, well, he needs to be financially well out.

698
00:35:49.360 --> 00:35:52.920
How about he has to have an entrepreneurial mindset

699
00:35:52.920 --> 00:35:56.280
or he's willing to work to provide for his family.

700
00:35:56.400 --> 00:35:58.440
He's willing to do what he has to do

701
00:35:58.440 --> 00:35:59.840
to take care of his family.

702
00:35:59.840 --> 00:36:01.700
His family won't go without.

703
00:36:05.080 --> 00:36:09.040
So there are alternatives to these ideas that we have.

704
00:36:09.040 --> 00:36:11.080
But a lot of times the ideas that we have

705
00:36:11.080 --> 00:36:13.200
are based on our vanity.

706
00:36:15.220 --> 00:36:18.000
They're based on things that we feel like

707
00:36:18.000 --> 00:36:19.880
people should have or should be in it.

708
00:36:19.880 --> 00:36:21.680
It's just not the truth.

709
00:36:21.680 --> 00:36:24.960
It's whatever you measure yourself by too.

710
00:36:24.960 --> 00:36:26.520
You measure yourself by things.

711
00:36:26.520 --> 00:36:29.840
If a man has to look a certain way for you,

712
00:36:29.840 --> 00:36:31.960
oh, he gotta be this and he gotta be that.

713
00:36:31.960 --> 00:36:33.040
He gotta be this tall.

714
00:36:33.040 --> 00:36:33.880
He has to be that.

715
00:36:33.880 --> 00:36:35.520
A lot of times you have to check

716
00:36:35.520 --> 00:36:37.480
what do you believe about yourself?

717
00:36:40.340 --> 00:36:42.000
Most of the times when we think like that,

718
00:36:42.000 --> 00:36:45.600
our thoughts are like, I don't want nobody to see me with him

719
00:36:45.600 --> 00:36:49.040
or I need him to look good.

720
00:36:49.040 --> 00:36:49.880
I look good.

721
00:36:49.880 --> 00:36:52.400
We both need to look good together.

722
00:36:52.400 --> 00:36:54.440
This is not about preference.

723
00:36:54.960 --> 00:36:56.640
It's preference versus deal breakers.

724
00:36:56.640 --> 00:36:57.920
That's true, Sandy.

725
00:36:58.920 --> 00:37:01.000
But however you see you,

726
00:37:01.000 --> 00:37:04.000
it is the same lenses that you see other people through.

727
00:37:04.000 --> 00:37:06.360
People who operate in grace with themselves,

728
00:37:06.360 --> 00:37:08.440
they operate with grace with other people.

729
00:37:08.440 --> 00:37:09.340
I've seen it.

730
00:37:09.340 --> 00:37:11.040
People who show mercy to themselves,

731
00:37:11.040 --> 00:37:12.400
they show mercies to others.

732
00:37:12.400 --> 00:37:14.000
But people who criticize themselves

733
00:37:14.000 --> 00:37:16.000
every time they mess up and beat themselves up,

734
00:37:16.000 --> 00:37:18.000
they're gonna do it to somebody else.

735
00:37:18.000 --> 00:37:19.600
People who don't forgive themselves,

736
00:37:19.600 --> 00:37:21.500
they're not gonna forgive nobody else.

737
00:37:24.720 --> 00:37:27.640
And so all of these things are a reflection of us.

738
00:37:27.640 --> 00:37:29.600
So I want us to take some time, thanks for that, Sandy.

739
00:37:29.600 --> 00:37:31.360
I want us to take some time

740
00:37:31.360 --> 00:37:35.120
and I want us to make space for new stuff,

741
00:37:35.120 --> 00:37:38.320
new truths, and birth new identity for new confidence.

742
00:37:38.320 --> 00:37:40.120
Because remember, our confidence is tied

743
00:37:40.120 --> 00:37:42.320
to our ability to feel secure.

744
00:37:43.320 --> 00:37:45.560
Or if we're insecure,

745
00:37:45.560 --> 00:37:49.160
we're gonna do whatever it takes to manufacture safety.

746
00:37:49.160 --> 00:37:51.120
You're not wrong for that.

747
00:37:51.120 --> 00:37:52.600
This is not a wrong thing.

748
00:37:52.600 --> 00:37:55.000
This is a aha thing.

749
00:37:55.000 --> 00:37:56.920
So that when you see it pop up,

750
00:37:56.920 --> 00:37:58.840
you can say, hey, hey, hey, what's that?

751
00:37:58.840 --> 00:38:00.360
Oh, I see you in there.

752
00:38:00.360 --> 00:38:02.560
You ain't gonna stay around my block too long.

753
00:38:02.560 --> 00:38:04.140
I'm gonna deal with you.

754
00:38:04.140 --> 00:38:08.980
You have to make you one of the most important projects.

755
00:38:08.980 --> 00:38:11.080
Have y'all ever took a man and tried to fix him up,

756
00:38:11.080 --> 00:38:13.120
made a project out of him?

757
00:38:13.120 --> 00:38:16.760
Well, this is phase two where you make you the project.

758
00:38:18.960 --> 00:38:21.000
And you're a project worth investing in.

759
00:38:21.000 --> 00:38:23.760
You have all the tools that you need to do it.

760
00:38:24.900 --> 00:38:27.920
Don't be afraid to do what you've never done.

761
00:38:27.920 --> 00:38:30.240
Don't be afraid to submit yourself to a boundary

762
00:38:30.240 --> 00:38:32.640
that you've never submitted yourself before.

763
00:38:32.640 --> 00:38:35.480
You're gonna find that boundaries are for you first

764
00:38:35.480 --> 00:38:37.460
and they keep you safe first.

765
00:38:40.200 --> 00:38:42.360
All right, and so that's what we're gonna do.

766
00:38:42.360 --> 00:38:44.160
And the way that we're gonna do is

767
00:38:46.720 --> 00:38:50.000
we're gonna ask Holy Spirit, and I'll get this posted.

768
00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:53.080
We're gonna ask Holy Spirit to show us what lies

769
00:38:53.080 --> 00:38:54.960
we are believing about ourselves

770
00:38:54.960 --> 00:38:57.880
and that he wants us to release.

771
00:38:57.880 --> 00:39:02.160
Holy Spirit, what lies am I believing about myself

772
00:39:02.160 --> 00:39:04.480
that I need to release?

773
00:39:04.480 --> 00:39:07.840
So let's just ask Holy Spirit that right now.

774
00:39:07.840 --> 00:39:10.320
And you guys can post in the chat

775
00:39:10.320 --> 00:39:13.360
what lie you're believing about yourself right now

776
00:39:13.360 --> 00:39:14.760
that Holy Spirit shows you.

777
00:39:14.760 --> 00:39:16.860
Some of you may pop up instantly,

778
00:39:16.860 --> 00:39:18.640
but what lie are you believing about yourself

779
00:39:18.640 --> 00:39:20.320
that he wants you to release?

780
00:39:31.680 --> 00:39:33.000
That I have to earn love.

781
00:39:33.000 --> 00:39:34.200
Yeah, that's a good one.

782
00:39:39.980 --> 00:39:44.980
That I'm shy to feel safe in love, to try again for it.

783
00:39:45.020 --> 00:39:47.220
To try again for it.

784
00:39:47.220 --> 00:39:49.780
Bring me a little more clarity around this, Stephanie.

785
00:39:49.780 --> 00:39:50.660
Is that a lie?

786
00:39:50.660 --> 00:39:53.480
Are you saying the lies that you don't feel safe in love,

787
00:39:53.480 --> 00:39:55.780
but he wants you to try again?

788
00:39:55.780 --> 00:39:57.780
That I'm a victim to man's emotions.

789
00:39:57.780 --> 00:39:59.620
Emily, can you give me a little more insight

790
00:39:59.620 --> 00:40:00.460
that I'm a...

791
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.360
victim to man's emotions?

792
00:40:02.360 --> 00:40:05.740
Are you saying that you're like, become weak about,

793
00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:09.920
if they, I don't know, yeah, give me more insight.

794
00:40:09.920 --> 00:40:10.960
That I'm on my own.

795
00:40:10.960 --> 00:40:13.960
Ooh, yes, Calandria, I know that one.

796
00:40:13.960 --> 00:40:17.680
That lie always creeping around my door.

797
00:40:17.680 --> 00:40:20.120
I have to do everything on my own.

798
00:40:20.120 --> 00:40:21.000
That I'm not okay.

799
00:40:21.000 --> 00:40:23.560
What do you mean by I'm not okay, Alexandria?

800
00:40:23.560 --> 00:40:25.160
To feel safe, to be loved again,

801
00:40:25.160 --> 00:40:27.240
dating, putting myself out there, okay?

802
00:40:27.240 --> 00:40:29.040
That I have to fix myself and lose weight

803
00:40:29.040 --> 00:40:31.000
before I get to set up profile.

804
00:40:31.000 --> 00:40:34.440
Yes, be afraid of trying again.

805
00:40:34.440 --> 00:40:35.840
Like when me and Exploding make sure

806
00:40:35.840 --> 00:40:36.880
I don't know how to respond.

807
00:40:36.880 --> 00:40:39.600
Okay, I got you.

808
00:40:39.600 --> 00:40:41.040
Trying to believe I'm beautiful.

809
00:40:41.040 --> 00:40:44.120
Feel seen, especially anger.

810
00:40:44.120 --> 00:40:46.060
That I'm unworthy.

811
00:40:46.060 --> 00:40:48.360
Lie, I had to say, I'm going to have to move out of state

812
00:40:48.360 --> 00:40:49.720
or out of the country to meet someone.

813
00:40:49.720 --> 00:40:52.240
God, if they, come on, you better tell it, hun.

814
00:40:52.240 --> 00:40:55.160
That's right, Shekinah, I agree.

815
00:40:55.160 --> 00:40:56.960
I will be abandoned or seen as difficult

816
00:40:56.960 --> 00:40:58.720
if I express anger or difficult emotions

817
00:40:59.480 --> 00:41:02.640
Yes, Susan, that resonates so well with me.

818
00:41:02.640 --> 00:41:05.120
That God doesn't want to give me the love my heart seeks.

819
00:41:05.120 --> 00:41:06.640
He's against my desires.

820
00:41:06.640 --> 00:41:08.680
Yes, Narya, I agree.

821
00:41:08.680 --> 00:41:10.960
I'm not safe, things are going to explode around me.

822
00:41:10.960 --> 00:41:12.680
How I feel, I guess, yeah.

823
00:41:13.760 --> 00:41:15.000
I don't look good on camera,

824
00:41:15.000 --> 00:41:17.160
few of your old photos, yeah.

825
00:41:18.680 --> 00:41:20.760
How many of you ladies, like when the lady posts,

826
00:41:20.760 --> 00:41:22.120
it's like, yeah, me too.

827
00:41:22.120 --> 00:41:24.880
Yeah, like every last one, I'm like, yeah, that's me too.

828
00:41:24.880 --> 00:41:26.800
God, Lee, that's me too.

829
00:41:26.840 --> 00:41:28.800
I'm not good enough.

830
00:41:28.800 --> 00:41:31.000
I don't believe a man with love only.

831
00:41:31.000 --> 00:41:32.960
Love me only how I make him feel

832
00:41:32.960 --> 00:41:34.640
that I'm going to have to accept a sugar daddy

833
00:41:34.640 --> 00:41:36.640
cause at least I have nice things.

834
00:41:40.040 --> 00:41:42.880
But Khaledra, I know you didn't mean it to me.

835
00:41:42.880 --> 00:41:45.880
Oh, you put a laughing in your mouth.

836
00:41:48.920 --> 00:41:50.440
That I'm not chosen.

837
00:41:54.080 --> 00:41:56.000
Oh, but think about,

838
00:41:56.000 --> 00:41:57.320
I don't believe a man would love me

839
00:41:57.320 --> 00:41:58.680
only how I make him feel.

840
00:41:58.680 --> 00:42:00.200
I really, that really resonates

841
00:42:00.200 --> 00:42:01.960
and I'm sure that I'm backwards sexually

842
00:42:01.960 --> 00:42:03.600
because I've kept myself pure.

843
00:42:03.600 --> 00:42:04.920
That's a good one.

844
00:42:04.920 --> 00:42:07.200
That I'm not chosen, that God's holding marriage from me.

845
00:42:07.200 --> 00:42:11.400
Yes, because of childhood trauma

846
00:42:11.400 --> 00:42:14.520
and sexual abuse and things that I've experienced,

847
00:42:14.520 --> 00:42:17.200
I grew up with a deep seated belief

848
00:42:17.200 --> 00:42:22.200
that men, to please a man,

849
00:42:26.720 --> 00:42:29.680
that sexually, that my job,

850
00:42:29.680 --> 00:42:32.960
the only thing men responded to was pleasure sexually.

851
00:42:32.960 --> 00:42:35.160
So that was a rooted belief system in me.

852
00:42:35.160 --> 00:42:36.080
I didn't know it.

853
00:42:36.960 --> 00:42:38.760
That it's very similar to what you're saying

854
00:42:38.760 --> 00:42:41.040
that I don't believe a man would love me

855
00:42:41.040 --> 00:42:42.520
only how I make him feel.

856
00:42:44.920 --> 00:42:47.480
Also lies that it's not good to be true.

857
00:42:47.480 --> 00:42:49.560
I'm not worthy of it.

858
00:42:49.560 --> 00:42:51.600
That it's too good to be true, yeah.

859
00:42:51.600 --> 00:42:53.040
Yeah, so many resonating too

860
00:42:53.040 --> 00:42:55.320
that I'm doing to repeat the pattern

861
00:42:55.320 --> 00:42:58.640
of survival from childhood, yes.

862
00:42:58.640 --> 00:43:01.080
You know, and another thing I like to call these,

863
00:43:01.080 --> 00:43:04.600
you ladies, is these are the giants in your land.

864
00:43:05.440 --> 00:43:07.080
And I want to encourage you

865
00:43:07.080 --> 00:43:09.680
and let you know that they're coming down.

866
00:43:09.680 --> 00:43:11.920
It's no coincidence that we all,

867
00:43:11.920 --> 00:43:13.800
and every time we do this, it's the same way,

868
00:43:13.800 --> 00:43:16.760
that we all face the same giants.

869
00:43:16.760 --> 00:43:19.120
I know you can look at some of these

870
00:43:19.120 --> 00:43:20.520
and be like, oh, I never dealt with that.

871
00:43:20.560 --> 00:43:21.400
But most of them,

872
00:43:21.400 --> 00:43:24.360
they resonate with you in some way or the other

873
00:43:24.360 --> 00:43:26.880
because the enemy has no new tricks.

874
00:43:28.840 --> 00:43:31.560
And when we are wounded in our souls,

875
00:43:31.560 --> 00:43:35.480
that's his entry point to come in and plant his lies.

876
00:43:35.480 --> 00:43:38.720
And so what we have is these giants over in our land,

877
00:43:38.720 --> 00:43:41.400
even though you guys are now entering into the promised land.

878
00:43:41.400 --> 00:43:42.960
The promised land is not your marriage.

879
00:43:42.960 --> 00:43:43.880
This is it.

880
00:43:43.880 --> 00:43:46.840
Wherever you were equipped and you were expanded

881
00:43:46.840 --> 00:43:48.960
and your tit pegs are being stretched out,

882
00:43:48.960 --> 00:43:51.280
oh baby, that's the promised land.

883
00:43:51.280 --> 00:43:53.400
The promised land is filled with goods

884
00:43:53.400 --> 00:43:54.720
for you to load up on.

885
00:43:54.720 --> 00:43:56.640
And you're in the promised land.

886
00:43:56.640 --> 00:43:58.160
You're in the good land.

887
00:43:58.160 --> 00:43:59.720
You're in the land that will give you

888
00:43:59.720 --> 00:44:01.480
what you need to sustain your life.

889
00:44:01.480 --> 00:44:03.520
The Bible says that God gives us everything

890
00:44:03.520 --> 00:44:06.840
that we need according to life and godliness.

891
00:44:07.800 --> 00:44:11.080
And so it's not a matter of marriage.

892
00:44:11.080 --> 00:44:13.560
It's a matter of, do you have everything within you?

893
00:44:13.560 --> 00:44:17.440
You have everything within you in Christ.

894
00:44:17.440 --> 00:44:19.800
And so what we're looking at through this chat

895
00:44:19.800 --> 00:44:22.080
are called giants in the land.

896
00:44:22.080 --> 00:44:23.800
And I wanna encourage all of you,

897
00:44:23.800 --> 00:44:26.800
just take out your little smooth stone like David

898
00:44:26.800 --> 00:44:28.760
and get ready to slay you a giant.

899
00:44:28.760 --> 00:44:30.920
Come on, Karen, that won't take much.

900
00:44:30.920 --> 00:44:33.640
Come on, get ready to slay you a giant, Rosanna.

901
00:44:33.640 --> 00:44:38.520
We gonna slay this giant by pulling it up from the roots.

902
00:44:38.520 --> 00:44:40.600
And so the Holy Spirit has shown you

903
00:44:40.600 --> 00:44:41.880
one thing that you believe.

904
00:44:41.880 --> 00:44:44.200
I want you to take that one thing that you believe.

905
00:44:44.200 --> 00:44:46.720
And don't waste no time with that giant.

906
00:44:48.000 --> 00:44:49.320
Come on, I like that.

907
00:44:49.320 --> 00:44:50.480
Don't waste no time.

908
00:44:50.480 --> 00:44:52.440
I'm looking at the chat, so I'm getting worked up now.

909
00:44:52.440 --> 00:44:54.680
Okay, don't take your time with this giant.

910
00:44:54.680 --> 00:44:56.680
Like, let's get ready to get rid of it.

911
00:44:56.680 --> 00:44:59.400
And don't believe because you think it tomorrow

912
00:44:59.400 --> 00:45:00.240
that that means.

913
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.800
it's not going anywhere. If you believed it for 30 years, trust me, it won't take but a good six

914
00:45:06.800 --> 00:45:11.200
months of consistency to break that thing. You believe that you're going to always be with you.

915
00:45:11.200 --> 00:45:15.360
That's a lie. It's not going to always be with you. Before long, you're going to look in the

916
00:45:15.360 --> 00:45:21.760
mirror and you're going to say, who is this woman that I see? Oh my, she's more beautiful than I

917
00:45:21.760 --> 00:45:28.640
thought. So I want you to take that one, make sure that you write it down, but I'm sure it

918
00:45:28.640 --> 00:45:33.120
resonates with you so you remember. You're going to come out of partnership with that lie,

919
00:45:33.120 --> 00:45:37.200
and that's what this is going to sound like. And I don't want to, I want to just do five minutes

920
00:45:37.200 --> 00:45:41.760
and I want us to chat. So I want you to come out of partnership with that lie, and I want you to

921
00:45:41.760 --> 00:45:46.000
spend some little more time with it, but you can repeat after me now if you want to, and you're

922
00:45:46.000 --> 00:45:50.800
just going to say, oh, well, before that, you're going to ask the Holy Spirit, when did you first

923
00:45:50.800 --> 00:45:55.760
start believing that lie? And this is what you may need to take a little time. This is already

924
00:45:55.760 --> 00:46:03.600
posted on the wall. Holy Spirit, when did I first start believing this lie? I was working with

925
00:46:04.720 --> 00:46:10.640
someone on last night and we were dealing with some childhood issues. It was actually an inner

926
00:46:10.640 --> 00:46:15.360
healing session that I was doing and with the ministry that I'm a part of. And she first

927
00:46:15.360 --> 00:46:22.080
believed the lie when she was like three years old. Her grandmother asked her for some fish,

928
00:46:22.880 --> 00:46:27.600
I guess, to fix her plate. And they went and took the goldfish out of the tank and put it

929
00:46:27.600 --> 00:46:31.680
on the plate and gave it to her grandmother. And her grandmother started screaming.

930
00:46:32.960 --> 00:46:39.840
But this is the first time having the feelings of guilt entered her life. And ever since then,

931
00:46:39.840 --> 00:46:47.120
she's operated out of people-pleasing and guilt. So she's always felt guilt for not pleasing a

932
00:46:47.120 --> 00:46:53.280
person. But Holy Spirit took her back to the age of three, giving her grandmother fish. It was so

933
00:46:53.280 --> 00:46:59.200
childlike and so funny. We're all sitting in the session laughing, but that's when guilt came in.

934
00:46:59.920 --> 00:47:07.280
That's when pleasing came in. The enemy doesn't play fair. He comes before you even know of your

935
00:47:07.280 --> 00:47:14.000
own self to attack an identity. And that's why the Bible says he's a thief. That's a thief of a thief.

936
00:47:14.000 --> 00:47:19.440
That's what you call a dirty thief right there. You're fighting something you don't even know

937
00:47:19.440 --> 00:47:24.560
about. You can't even name it. It's coming for you and you don't even have knowledge or know-how.

938
00:47:26.480 --> 00:47:30.960
So that's low. But that's why I want you to ask Holy Spirit. You may can think of some

939
00:47:30.960 --> 00:47:35.840
things that happened, but Holy Spirit can pinpoint when did this thing enter. And when

940
00:47:35.840 --> 00:47:42.720
he takes you back to that memory, I want you to acknowledge it. Don't push it away and say,

941
00:47:42.720 --> 00:47:47.600
yeah, that did happen. Wow. And then the next thing you're going to do is you're going to come

942
00:47:47.600 --> 00:47:52.720
out of partnership with it. Like now that you see that this is a lie, this is when it came in.

943
00:47:52.720 --> 00:47:58.240
He's just going to say, you know what? I repent for believing the lie that I'm not good enough

944
00:47:58.800 --> 00:48:03.120
because my daddy was never around. See, there are things like if your father was never around,

945
00:48:03.120 --> 00:48:07.120
your mom was never around. They worked all the time. It said to that little child,

946
00:48:07.120 --> 00:48:10.160
you're not worthy of love. If you were, they would be here with you.

947
00:48:13.680 --> 00:48:19.920
It's little small things that speak identity. It speaks identity to you, tells you who you are.

948
00:48:19.920 --> 00:48:27.200
And so we repent for partnering with that lie all of this time for coming in agreement with it.

949
00:48:27.840 --> 00:48:33.200
And then we ask the Lord for truth to replace this lie. This is what you all have in phase one.

950
00:48:33.200 --> 00:48:38.720
It's called revealing for healing. It's a cycle. And so you ask Holy Spirit for truth to replace

951
00:48:38.720 --> 00:48:43.120
the lie. You're going to adopt this new truth to your life. You're going to even add it to your

952
00:48:43.120 --> 00:48:47.520
Jesus cares board because you're going to have to keep it in front of you and you're going to

953
00:48:47.520 --> 00:48:52.320
rehearse it. And when you get in tough spots, you're going to rehearse it again because you're

954
00:48:52.320 --> 00:48:57.680
going to be more aware of what's happening on the inside of you. And you're going to keep rehearsing

955
00:48:57.680 --> 00:49:01.840
it and you're going to keep rehearsing it until you no longer have to rehearse it because it's

956
00:49:01.840 --> 00:49:07.440
going to be written on the walls of your heart. See, when you rehearse the truth, you're planting

957
00:49:07.440 --> 00:49:13.360
a seed. And that's the thing about the heart. It's an instrument of belief. That's why the enemy

958
00:49:13.360 --> 00:49:17.360
knows he can come in very early and plant something in your heart because your heart doesn't know the

959
00:49:17.360 --> 00:49:23.680
Bible says, guard your heart with all diligence because it's an instrument of belief. And you

960
00:49:23.680 --> 00:49:28.160
think nothing is happening, but you start planting the seed in the heart before long, baby, it's

961
00:49:28.160 --> 00:49:32.880
going to produce the same way it produced every other thing in your life. But sometimes the enemy

962
00:49:32.880 --> 00:49:37.360
will come in and make us believe that it doesn't happen the same way with truth. And I'm going to

963
00:49:37.360 --> 00:49:42.400
tell you like the old folks say, the devil is a lie. If it happened that way with lies, it happens

964
00:49:42.400 --> 00:49:50.160
that way with truth. And you keep planting the truth until your fruit come forth. And I declare

965
00:49:50.160 --> 00:49:56.240
over every one of you, you take root downward and you produce fruit upward. That's the word of God.

966
00:49:57.440 --> 00:49:59.920
And I just declare over you that even in the

967
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.760
dry and barren seasons, you will produce fruit.

968
00:50:05.000 --> 00:50:07.600
There is fruit to be had out of your life

969
00:50:07.600 --> 00:50:10.560
and God is gonna get the glory out of you.

970
00:50:10.560 --> 00:50:12.000
That's just the way it works.

971
00:50:12.000 --> 00:50:13.820
You did not create yourself.

972
00:50:14.720 --> 00:50:16.360
And so that's what's so beautiful

973
00:50:16.360 --> 00:50:18.480
about this process that you're in,

974
00:50:18.480 --> 00:50:20.880
partnering with heaven for a spouse.

975
00:50:20.880 --> 00:50:23.640
Because he cares more about you than a spouse

976
00:50:23.640 --> 00:50:26.320
because he can do a spouse.

977
00:50:26.320 --> 00:50:30.040
But this you seeking him, this you showing up,

978
00:50:30.040 --> 00:50:33.120
he's like, oh baby, this is prime time for work.

979
00:50:33.120 --> 00:50:35.760
Let me get my baby what I've been wanting to get her

980
00:50:35.760 --> 00:50:38.080
all this time because for Papa,

981
00:50:38.080 --> 00:50:40.380
you ain't never stop being his baby girl.

982
00:50:41.800 --> 00:50:45.520
For Papa, God, you belong to him.

983
00:50:45.520 --> 00:50:47.920
And his desire is to treat you like the little girl

984
00:50:47.920 --> 00:50:50.800
that he's always longed to treat you like.

985
00:50:50.800 --> 00:50:54.860
Even in the midst of our little parents who were human also.

986
00:50:56.600 --> 00:50:59.800
They may couldn't give us what we need, but oh, he got it.

987
00:51:01.000 --> 00:51:02.480
So they're just add that in.

988
00:51:02.480 --> 00:51:04.320
Okay, so I'm gonna post it

989
00:51:04.320 --> 00:51:05.760
and then you guys are gonna watch the Lord

990
00:51:05.760 --> 00:51:07.380
help you grow in this area.

991
00:51:07.380 --> 00:51:10.400
And then while you're gonna post what's happening,

992
00:51:10.400 --> 00:51:11.680
post what's happening in your heart,

993
00:51:11.680 --> 00:51:14.080
tell us the hard times, tell us what's going on

994
00:51:14.080 --> 00:51:16.240
and we're gonna all grow together.

995
00:51:16.240 --> 00:51:19.560
Okay, 7.51, we got 40 minutes

996
00:51:19.560 --> 00:51:22.560
because we're not leaving till 8.30, well, 8.25.

997
00:51:22.560 --> 00:51:25.200
Okay, oh Lord, it's popping up so quick.

998
00:51:25.240 --> 00:51:30.240
I think it was Sandy, Karen, Nariah, go ahead.

999
00:51:36.000 --> 00:51:37.420
She's saying I was first.

1000
00:51:38.360 --> 00:51:42.560
Sandy, Karen's first, then Sandy, then Nariah,

1001
00:51:43.640 --> 00:51:47.100
then was it Rose, okay, yeah.

1002
00:51:48.160 --> 00:51:50.360
I don't know if it was Rosanna a little bit.

1003
00:51:52.000 --> 00:51:54.020
It was Rosanna, okay.

1004
00:51:54.020 --> 00:51:57.900
And then you, Lovetta, I hope I said it right.

1005
00:51:57.900 --> 00:52:00.620
Okay, and then it was between Susan and Alexandra,

1006
00:52:00.620 --> 00:52:02.220
but go Karen.

1007
00:52:02.220 --> 00:52:03.340
Okay, well, I just wanna say,

1008
00:52:03.340 --> 00:52:06.620
I'm so excited about everything you just said

1009
00:52:06.620 --> 00:52:09.620
because it's everything I've been practicing this week

1010
00:52:09.620 --> 00:52:11.300
that just naturally occurred.

1011
00:52:11.300 --> 00:52:16.300
So on last Sunday, I went to a disco dancing night

1012
00:52:16.620 --> 00:52:18.340
and because my friend kept begging me to go

1013
00:52:18.340 --> 00:52:20.620
because she was hosting it or whatever, and I went.

1014
00:52:20.620 --> 00:52:22.060
And normally when I do these things,

1015
00:52:22.060 --> 00:52:24.300
usually there are men there are a lot older

1016
00:52:24.300 --> 00:52:26.460
and no one that I, but I just dance.

1017
00:52:26.460 --> 00:52:29.020
Like you learn, you just dance with all different people.

1018
00:52:29.020 --> 00:52:31.180
Anyway, so this one event, I went there

1019
00:52:31.180 --> 00:52:34.060
and I actually met a guy and we like connected

1020
00:52:34.060 --> 00:52:36.100
and danced and laughed and had a great time.

1021
00:52:36.100 --> 00:52:37.580
He asked for my number.

1022
00:52:38.540 --> 00:52:42.980
He put my number in his phone as Karen the Dancing Queen.

1023
00:52:42.980 --> 00:52:47.980
And I put his number as Aaron the Dancing King.

1024
00:52:48.340 --> 00:52:49.460
So it was hilarious.

1025
00:52:49.460 --> 00:52:51.980
And so then he's even taught me how to swing dance.

1026
00:52:52.900 --> 00:52:57.180
And then he asked where I live like city-wise.

1027
00:52:57.180 --> 00:52:58.620
And I said, oh, I live in this city.

1028
00:52:58.620 --> 00:52:59.580
And he goes, oh, I live in that one.

1029
00:52:59.580 --> 00:53:01.380
So then we were very close in like city

1030
00:53:01.380 --> 00:53:03.380
because this event happened in Tampa.

1031
00:53:03.380 --> 00:53:06.500
And so he lives over on Clearwater and I live in Largo.

1032
00:53:06.500 --> 00:53:09.060
So we're on the other side of Tampa, but on the same side.

1033
00:53:09.060 --> 00:53:10.340
So that was kind of nice.

1034
00:53:10.340 --> 00:53:14.060
And then, and he was cute and we danced probably,

1035
00:53:14.060 --> 00:53:17.860
I don't know, six or seven times or whatever.

1036
00:53:17.860 --> 00:53:20.380
And then, yeah.

1037
00:53:20.380 --> 00:53:21.860
And of course you dance with other people

1038
00:53:22.500 --> 00:53:23.340
throughout the night.

1039
00:53:23.340 --> 00:53:24.180
Like he danced with other people,

1040
00:53:24.180 --> 00:53:25.020
I danced with other people,

1041
00:53:25.020 --> 00:53:25.860
but he would come and sit and chat with me for a little bit.

1042
00:53:25.860 --> 00:53:27.340
And then he would go dance.

1043
00:53:27.340 --> 00:53:29.300
And then he asked me to dance again.

1044
00:53:29.300 --> 00:53:31.860
And so anyway, long story short, he leaves that night.

1045
00:53:31.860 --> 00:53:33.500
And then like a couple of days later,

1046
00:53:33.500 --> 00:53:35.780
he texts me and say, hey, you want to go dancing tonight?

1047
00:53:35.780 --> 00:53:38.140
And I was like, oh my gosh, yes.

1048
00:53:38.140 --> 00:53:41.020
Like, so I went dancing with him on Wednesday.

1049
00:53:41.020 --> 00:53:42.180
We went swing dancing.

1050
00:53:42.180 --> 00:53:46.100
And again, we probably danced six or seven times together.

1051
00:53:46.100 --> 00:53:46.940
And then in between,

1052
00:53:46.940 --> 00:53:48.340
obviously you're dancing with other people

1053
00:53:48.340 --> 00:53:50.900
as that's just how it goes, right?

1054
00:53:50.900 --> 00:53:53.460
And the only other thing I learned about him that night

1055
00:53:53.460 --> 00:53:54.420
is like, cause I said,

1056
00:53:54.420 --> 00:53:56.540
I need to probably go home sometime soon

1057
00:53:56.540 --> 00:53:58.020
cause I have to get up early.

1058
00:53:58.020 --> 00:54:01.180
And I told him I was a teacher and he was like, oh, okay.

1059
00:54:01.180 --> 00:54:03.380
And I said, what time do you have to get up?

1060
00:54:03.380 --> 00:54:04.940
He's like, I don't, I'm retired.

1061
00:54:04.940 --> 00:54:06.220
And I'm like, what?

1062
00:54:06.220 --> 00:54:08.380
Like, so I don't know how old this dude is.

1063
00:54:08.380 --> 00:54:11.780
I think he can't be older than 50 in my mind

1064
00:54:11.780 --> 00:54:13.540
cause he doesn't look that old, right?

1065
00:54:13.540 --> 00:54:14.780
So I don't know.

1066
00:54:14.780 --> 00:54:17.300
The whole point of this situation is

1067
00:54:17.300 --> 00:54:19.540
I have seen how much I have grown

1068
00:54:19.540 --> 00:54:20.940
just from doing last year's single

1069
00:54:20.940 --> 00:54:23.060
because I was approachable.

1070
00:54:23.060 --> 00:54:23.980
I was happy.

1071
00:54:23.980 --> 00:54:25.500
I was having a good old time.

1072
00:54:25.500 --> 00:54:27.020
I wasn't asking him, are you a Christian?

1073
00:54:27.020 --> 00:54:27.860
Are you this?

1074
00:54:27.860 --> 00:54:29.100
There was no box ticking.

1075
00:54:29.100 --> 00:54:33.500
It was just being present in the moment, enjoy this person.

1076
00:54:33.500 --> 00:54:35.300
And he was attracted to that.

1077
00:54:35.300 --> 00:54:36.740
He wanted, he contacted me.

1078
00:54:36.740 --> 00:54:39.500
And then the next day after we went dancing,

1079
00:54:39.500 --> 00:54:41.260
he asked me to go dancing again.

1080
00:54:41.260 --> 00:54:44.660
And I couldn't go because I had a wedding.

1081
00:54:44.660 --> 00:54:46.580
And so I said,

1082
00:54:46.580 --> 00:54:48.940
cause I kind of was like being joking around with him.

1083
00:54:49.340 --> 00:54:51.900
And I said, oh, you are quite the dancing king, aren't you?

1084
00:54:51.900 --> 00:54:54.340
I'm like, but I can't this weekend, maybe another time.

1085
00:54:54.340 --> 00:54:55.820
And he goes, oh yes, no problem.

1086
00:54:55.820 --> 00:54:58.020
He's like, well, if I'm the king,

1087
00:54:58.020 --> 00:55:00.220
then I decree that you shall go dance.

1088
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.320
with me when I get back in town. So it is written, show it, so I'll be done. And I like

1089
00:55:06.320 --> 00:55:14.440
died laughing. I'm like, who does that? I love a good sense of humor. So that's where

1090
00:55:14.440 --> 00:55:18.760
we're at. And he's out of town. I haven't heard from him since. But I'm just like, okay,

1091
00:55:18.760 --> 00:55:22.040
I don't know. I don't know if he's a Christian. I don't really know how old he is. I don't

1092
00:55:22.040 --> 00:55:27.720
know. I don't know if he's ever been married. I don't know anything. And it's freeing because

1093
00:55:27.720 --> 00:55:33.640
I am not hindered. I'm not worried about a checklist. I'm just enjoying the person and

1094
00:55:33.640 --> 00:55:38.880
the connection of just dancing with this person. And if something happens and it turns into

1095
00:55:38.880 --> 00:55:44.280
more great. So the thing that I've learned about myself this week is there's been constant

1096
00:55:44.280 --> 00:55:48.240
thoughts going through my mind, oh, he's probably not a Christian. And I'm going, no, God can

1097
00:55:48.240 --> 00:55:51.960
do anything. If God wants this guy to be a Christian, he'll be a Christian. And I'm not

1098
00:55:51.960 --> 00:55:57.320
going to worry about it. And I've been practicing that, taking that thought captive because

1099
00:55:57.320 --> 00:56:02.320
that's from the past. The past me would think, oh, he's not a Christian. Oh, I'm not going

1100
00:56:02.320 --> 00:56:06.160
to like this guy because I don't know anything about, you know, I'm not doing that. I'm just

1101
00:56:06.160 --> 00:56:12.520
letting it be all natural and free and just kind of like just discover, discover myself

1102
00:56:12.520 --> 00:56:18.360
and discover him without having a checklist or having like talking about religion or anything.

1103
00:56:18.360 --> 00:56:24.240
If we get to know each other more, that will all come up in the right timing. So I just

1104
00:56:24.240 --> 00:56:28.160
wanted to share because I'm just like so excited. And the word that God gave me this

1105
00:56:28.160 --> 00:56:34.320
year was to be expectant, you know? And I'm like, okay. And so that's why the enemy keeps

1106
00:56:34.320 --> 00:56:38.000
trying to attack me like, oh, he's probably not this, probably not that. And I'm like,

1107
00:56:38.000 --> 00:56:42.000
no, I'm going to be expectant. It's a yes until it's a no, and we're just going to move

1108
00:56:42.000 --> 00:56:51.800
forward. Amen. That's so good. That's so good. I'm so excited for you. That's so good. Thank

1109
00:56:52.120 --> 00:56:58.840
you. It was nice to meet someone in a natural environment and like the Facebook dating and

1110
00:56:58.840 --> 00:57:03.640
stuff. I've tried and I've tried and I've tried and I've tried and I'm like, it goes nowhere.

1111
00:57:05.000 --> 00:57:08.520
And I don't know, you know, but like just going out to a random event and you meet someone,

1112
00:57:08.520 --> 00:57:15.000
I'm like, wow, that was so easy. You know, like, wow, God, thank you. I didn't even do

1113
00:57:15.000 --> 00:57:23.800
anything. Like I just showed up. So anyway, it's so good. Yeah. Just wanted to share.

1114
00:57:24.600 --> 00:57:29.160
Thank you for sharing, Karen. You let us know. Come on, Sandy. When we hear it happen to

1115
00:57:29.160 --> 00:57:34.120
somebody else, I want you to start saying he in my neighborhood, God's in my neighborhood.

1116
00:57:34.120 --> 00:57:39.160
You see manifesting all around you. You need to walk out the door tomorrow ready to be talked to.

1117
00:57:39.240 --> 00:57:46.440
Smile. Look available. Yep. Amen. Go ahead, Sandy. He's in my neighborhood.

1118
00:57:49.000 --> 00:57:54.680
Okay. Karen, that's awesome. So, Ebony, I just, I love your shirt. Love your blouse. I love the

1119
00:57:54.680 --> 00:57:59.000
two-tone kind of thing going on with it. Okay. So I've tried to kind of make some notes to make

1120
00:57:59.000 --> 00:58:04.520
this the same. So like I said, on my post, I met this guy at like a Bible study and it's the,

1121
00:58:04.520 --> 00:58:09.640
so I just went and started going to this church in January. And so in this Bible study, I thought

1122
00:58:09.640 --> 00:58:14.520
he was actually with another lady that was sitting beside him. So when it came around, I was like,

1123
00:58:14.520 --> 00:58:18.040
I thought everyone was married. So I'm like, you know, I'm single. I'm looking for blah, blah,

1124
00:58:18.040 --> 00:58:22.840
blah. So if you guys know any really great single guys, you know, so I just put it out there. Right.

1125
00:58:22.840 --> 00:58:28.280
So after, after the Bible study catches me and he's talking to me, I didn't realize that I was

1126
00:58:28.280 --> 00:58:32.520
like, I thought he were with her. He's like, no, I've been divorced since like 2010. I was like,

1127
00:58:32.520 --> 00:58:41.480
oh. So it wasn't much longer after that, that he he's really taken the lead on inviting me. I mean,

1128
00:58:41.480 --> 00:58:46.840
he's part of the men's group. He, you know, like all the things, like the groups and everything

1129
00:58:46.840 --> 00:58:53.400
and him talking about like what he shares in group is really like point is really like on point with,

1130
00:58:53.400 --> 00:59:00.600
you know, like a Christian man and stuff like that. So it's been, it's been really, it seems

1131
00:59:00.600 --> 00:59:10.680
like really healthy, but when, when we're talking, so let's see. I, so we're, we've been,

1132
00:59:11.240 --> 00:59:15.160
we've gone out a couple of times. So the first time that we went out, we went out for lunch,

1133
00:59:15.160 --> 00:59:18.280
he paid for it and stuff. And then he's like, you want to go get caught after like two hours,

1134
00:59:18.280 --> 00:59:22.440
you want to go get, go down to the coffee shop. Cause I think the waitress wants us to get out

1135
00:59:22.440 --> 00:59:29.960
of here. So I was like, yeah, sure. And so anyway, ended up being like four out longer than I wanted

1136
00:59:30.120 --> 00:59:35.720
to be, you know, because I want to like, kind of not, I want to have, I want to book in stuff

1137
00:59:35.720 --> 00:59:42.280
and kind of manage my time a little bit better and not be so accessible, I guess. And once I,

1138
00:59:42.280 --> 00:59:46.760
and then the next time he asked me, we met at some other small groups where they do potlucks.

1139
00:59:46.760 --> 00:59:51.800
And so our church has like, we're a church of small groups, not a church with small groups.

1140
00:59:51.800 --> 00:59:59.400
And so we went to, he invited me to the park for a walk. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to bring my dog.

1141
00:59:59.400 --> 00:59:59.960
He's like,

1142
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.660
I'm kind of driving by because driving by picking me up because it's like it's right

1143
01:00:03.660 --> 01:00:04.660
on the way.

1144
01:00:04.660 --> 01:00:05.660
He's across from the park.

1145
01:00:05.660 --> 01:00:07.200
I was like, yeah, sure.

1146
01:00:07.200 --> 01:00:10.660
And after I said that, I'm like, I don't want to do that.

1147
01:00:10.660 --> 01:00:13.500
So I messaged him back and I said, you know, I'll just meet you there.

1148
01:00:13.500 --> 01:00:14.500
No big deal.

1149
01:00:14.500 --> 01:00:15.500
He's like, fine.

1150
01:00:15.500 --> 01:00:16.500
He met me there.

1151
01:00:16.500 --> 01:00:17.500
We went for a walk.

1152
01:00:17.500 --> 01:00:18.500
We had a talk and all that stuff.

1153
01:00:18.500 --> 01:00:24.500
You know, um, I probably overshared a little bit, but it was, um, it's hard because with

1154
01:00:24.500 --> 01:00:27.060
us being at the same church, right?

1155
01:00:27.060 --> 01:00:30.840
Like it's very difficult because other dudes can come up to me and I know they're married

1156
01:00:30.840 --> 01:00:32.660
and I don't mind giving them a side hug.

1157
01:00:32.660 --> 01:00:37.160
But with him, it's like, I wouldn't want to do that because I don't like it's, it would

1158
01:00:37.160 --> 01:00:43.020
be a little bit weird and awkward and like give him permission to, you know, like think

1159
01:00:43.020 --> 01:00:45.660
that there's more to it than that.

1160
01:00:45.660 --> 01:00:48.020
Um, uh, so he's really been pursuing me.

1161
01:00:48.020 --> 01:00:50.300
He's only been back in church like two years.

1162
01:00:50.300 --> 01:00:55.660
Um, he came out of, uh, um, out of another relationship that I think was like eight or

1163
01:00:55.660 --> 01:00:57.300
10 years or something like that.

1164
01:00:57.300 --> 01:00:59.140
And I'm assuming they live together.

1165
01:00:59.140 --> 01:01:01.580
We haven't talked about it yet because like, that's a long story.

1166
01:01:01.580 --> 01:01:03.020
We all have these long stories.

1167
01:01:03.020 --> 01:01:06.660
We're not at the point to be sharing like real previous relationships and stuff like

1168
01:01:06.660 --> 01:01:08.140
that yet, I guess.

1169
01:01:08.140 --> 01:01:13.260
Um, and so, um, we, I really don't know a whole lot about him.

1170
01:01:13.260 --> 01:01:21.100
He was raised Baptist kind of in a really, um, toxic, like rigid, you know, way.

1171
01:01:21.100 --> 01:01:23.020
And so he really rejects that.

1172
01:01:23.020 --> 01:01:25.620
It's we're in a non-denominational church now.

1173
01:01:25.620 --> 01:01:33.540
Um, and so, um, he, um, you know, I, I'm, I have some judgment toward him because, um,

1174
01:01:33.540 --> 01:01:36.060
you know, like I'm like, he's only been back in church two years.

1175
01:01:36.060 --> 01:01:38.420
He was with this girl for like probably 10 years.

1176
01:01:38.420 --> 01:01:40.180
I'm like, okay, Sandy, wait a minute.

1177
01:01:40.180 --> 01:01:44.380
You just got out of a toxic relationship two years ago with the guy for 20 years, nearly

1178
01:01:44.380 --> 01:01:45.940
20 years.

1179
01:01:45.940 --> 01:01:51.500
So I, and you know, like the, the guy was in a toxic relationship with, right.

1180
01:01:51.500 --> 01:01:52.940
He was in church.

1181
01:01:52.940 --> 01:01:56.940
He, he went to church with me and he, he was on the security team and the usher team and

1182
01:01:56.940 --> 01:02:02.020
all that for a period of time until he, you know, until, you know, like things just kind

1183
01:02:02.020 --> 01:02:07.460
of started reappearing again, um, which is why I had to leave.

1184
01:02:07.460 --> 01:02:14.380
Um, and so I, I am aware that I have that story going on in the back of my head.

1185
01:02:14.380 --> 01:02:20.540
Um, I'm not, not attracted to him, but I'm not, not like super physically attracted to

1186
01:02:20.580 --> 01:02:21.580
him.

1187
01:02:21.580 --> 01:02:27.220
Um, if I was, it would probably be, I wouldn't say dangerous, but it would be a little bit

1188
01:02:27.220 --> 01:02:28.220
more difficult.

1189
01:02:28.220 --> 01:02:29.220
Right.

1190
01:02:29.220 --> 01:02:34.020
Um, and so, um, I'm, I'm curious about that.

1191
01:02:34.020 --> 01:02:38.720
And we've been like, after we went out on Friday, then he texted me Saturday about going

1192
01:02:38.720 --> 01:02:42.700
out and he'll kind of, I don't want to say text bomb, but when I text him, Hey, how you

1193
01:02:42.700 --> 01:02:43.700
doing?

1194
01:02:43.700 --> 01:02:45.820
Then I'll get like four texts back from him.

1195
01:02:45.820 --> 01:02:51.660
Um, but it's not, um, I, I don't know that I want it to be different than that.

1196
01:02:51.660 --> 01:02:57.460
You know, like he's not overbearing, but he's also attentive and stuff.

1197
01:02:57.460 --> 01:03:03.840
Um, so I think my, um, so here, here's another thing I think that is, is, um, like what you're

1198
01:03:03.840 --> 01:03:05.300
talking about earlier.

1199
01:03:05.300 --> 01:03:09.780
So we were talking, cause I'm a, you know, like I said, I'm a therapist and so I do kind

1200
01:03:09.780 --> 01:03:15.060
of like, you know, like marriage counseling and dating counseling and stuff like that

1201
01:03:15.060 --> 01:03:16.060
too.

1202
01:03:16.060 --> 01:03:17.060
Right.

1203
01:03:17.060 --> 01:03:19.060
And I integrate a lot of this stuff into, into my teaching and stuff.

1204
01:03:19.060 --> 01:03:24.180
So we were talking about, you know, I was doing this class for, um, younger military

1205
01:03:24.180 --> 01:03:28.820
guys on base and, um, I told him, I said, you know, we talk about boundaries, the difference

1206
01:03:28.820 --> 01:03:34.020
between boundaries, deal breakers, non-negotiables, you know, and, and different things like that

1207
01:03:34.020 --> 01:03:35.940
and splicing them apart.

1208
01:03:35.940 --> 01:03:42.780
And, um, so we were talking about, um, boundary or non-negotiables and non or, or deal breakers

1209
01:03:43.740 --> 01:03:46.100
like smoking, drinking, you know, drugs.

1210
01:03:46.100 --> 01:03:50.220
He's like, Oh, so is that one of your deal breakers is drinking?

1211
01:03:50.220 --> 01:03:56.300
And I'm like, well, I mean, kind of, yeah, because there's a, there's a group at church

1212
01:03:56.300 --> 01:04:01.900
and they might have like a shot or they might, um, you know, smoke cigars and the guys will

1213
01:04:01.900 --> 01:04:04.660
get around and just talk and chat and just be guys.

1214
01:04:04.660 --> 01:04:05.660
Right.

1215
01:04:05.660 --> 01:04:10.700
And I've never, I don't know that I've ever seen a guy that drinks alcohol where it's

1216
01:04:10.700 --> 01:04:12.340
not problematic.

1217
01:04:12.340 --> 01:04:16.380
And so I know that I have that thing going on with me and I don't want it in my life.

1218
01:04:16.380 --> 01:04:22.220
I don't want it in my relationships, but that's because it's always been like this, you know,

1219
01:04:22.220 --> 01:04:25.220
bad addictive, bringing out bad behavior and stuff like that.

1220
01:04:25.220 --> 01:04:31.420
So I don't know if that's, you know, uh, like how to, how to navigate that and whether that's

1221
01:04:31.420 --> 01:04:37.700
really like a deal breaker for me, because I know for me, he comes home and he's got,

1222
01:04:37.700 --> 01:04:40.860
you know, four together and he comes home and he's got alcohol on his breath.

1223
01:04:40.860 --> 01:04:42.240
It's going to light me up.

1224
01:04:42.240 --> 01:04:43.240
Right.

1225
01:04:43.240 --> 01:04:46.260
I'm going to be like, I'm leaving, you know, not like leaving the relationship necessarily,

1226
01:04:46.260 --> 01:04:52.020
but I can't like, I know that that's a really strong thing for me, but it comes from past

1227
01:04:52.020 --> 01:04:54.660
relationships and stuff and my childhood.

1228
01:04:54.660 --> 01:04:59.820
My, my mom's second husband was an absolute drunk and a waste of oxygen.

1229
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.380
And so I know I have that.

1230
01:05:01.380 --> 01:05:06.600
And so I'm kind of, so I'm wanting to learn how to navigate that deal breaker.

1231
01:05:06.600 --> 01:05:14.060
And if there's like room, how, how to know, like, like how to, how to manage that.

1232
01:05:14.060 --> 01:05:15.300
So that's a lot.

1233
01:05:15.900 --> 01:05:20.420
So I'll just leave you with that on your thoughts on it, I guess.

1234
01:05:21.140 --> 01:05:23.860
So how to manage the deal breaker is the question.

1235
01:05:24.860 --> 01:05:29.580
I think how to manage the deal breakers, how to manage my, um, uh,

1236
01:05:30.000 --> 01:05:37.140
the judgment toward him, um, how to navigate the, the gradual disclosure process.

1237
01:05:37.580 --> 01:05:39.660
Um, uh,

1238
01:05:42.540 --> 01:05:48.900
well, so, uh, I think, so the, let's talk about the deal breaker one.

1239
01:05:51.180 --> 01:05:55.260
So how to handle the deal breaker one is you're gonna, it probably will take a

1240
01:05:55.260 --> 01:06:05.680
little observation to see his temperament in drinking or his, um, uh, how, um, it may

1241
01:06:05.680 --> 01:06:11.600
come with, would annoy him a little bit better because, okay, let's say he drinks

1242
01:06:11.600 --> 01:06:13.240
a little, but his dad was alcohol.

1243
01:06:15.920 --> 01:06:19.240
You never know when this ticking bomb is going to become him.

1244
01:06:19.520 --> 01:06:21.660
If he loses the job, will he go down?

1245
01:06:21.880 --> 01:06:23.580
I'm saying like, there are a lot of moving pieces.

1246
01:06:23.600 --> 01:06:27.240
If you want to say this, the deal breaker, because people can drink a glass of wine

1247
01:06:27.240 --> 01:06:30.760
and never, that could not be a place of stronghold.

1248
01:06:32.040 --> 01:06:34.840
Um, uh, give me an example.

1249
01:06:35.760 --> 01:06:38.040
I could drink wine, but I'm not prone to be a drunk.

1250
01:06:38.160 --> 01:06:39.040
I don't think I am.

1251
01:06:39.760 --> 01:06:41.640
I don't drink because I choose not to.

1252
01:06:41.680 --> 01:06:43.720
That's not my, that's not something I choose to do.

1253
01:06:43.720 --> 01:06:47.460
But even when I did, I wasn't prone to be an alcoholic.

1254
01:06:47.840 --> 01:06:52.020
I feel like people have things that they're bent toward, you know, like if you open

1255
01:06:52.020 --> 01:06:54.680
your door in Florida, an alligator may come through.

1256
01:06:54.680 --> 01:06:59.920
If I open my door in Texas, a scorpion may come in, has a lot to do with our family

1257
01:06:59.920 --> 01:07:04.120
bloodline and things that we're most prone to based on who we are and where, where we

1258
01:07:04.120 --> 01:07:06.960
live, meaning location of who you are.

1259
01:07:07.240 --> 01:07:09.480
And so I think that's something to consider.

1260
01:07:09.760 --> 01:07:14.600
Um, I think that if your deal breaker is no alcohol, no alcohol, based on how you

1261
01:07:14.600 --> 01:07:19.600
grew up, if somebody grew up with a raging alcoholic for a father, uh, watched him

1262
01:07:19.600 --> 01:07:23.460
get drunk, beat, beat your mom, do all kinds of things.

1263
01:07:23.740 --> 01:07:27.780
You're probably not going to want to be married to someone who drinks alcohol and

1264
01:07:27.780 --> 01:07:28.860
you have the right for that.

1265
01:07:30.060 --> 01:07:32.300
It's just, that's just the way that falls.

1266
01:07:33.100 --> 01:07:35.180
Like, no, I don't want it in my house.

1267
01:07:35.220 --> 01:07:36.340
I don't want it around me.

1268
01:07:38.620 --> 01:07:39.700
Ain't nothing wrong with it.

1269
01:07:41.340 --> 01:07:41.660
Right.

1270
01:07:41.740 --> 01:07:47.340
Um, but you have an opportunity to get to know this guy and just let things unfold.

1271
01:07:48.040 --> 01:07:53.160
Um, and kind of, see, this is the thing about once you get to know a person, when

1272
01:07:53.160 --> 01:07:58.120
you get past the month mark and you're talking, um, daily or every other day

1273
01:07:58.120 --> 01:08:02.320
you're going out, the natural conversations just come about.

1274
01:08:04.240 --> 01:08:06.360
History just shows itself naturally.

1275
01:08:07.000 --> 01:08:08.000
It's no way around it.

1276
01:08:08.440 --> 01:08:10.200
Your conversations are going to change.

1277
01:08:10.240 --> 01:08:13.160
You don't stay, somebody asked me, like, how long do you stay surface level?

1278
01:08:13.200 --> 01:08:14.840
You don't stay surface level forever.

1279
01:08:15.820 --> 01:08:20.859
But you definitely shouldn't be beyond the surface level in two weeks, you know,

1280
01:08:20.859 --> 01:08:24.540
but by the third week and fourth week, you're going to start talking about more

1281
01:08:24.540 --> 01:08:27.899
things, um, naturally.

1282
01:08:27.899 --> 01:08:32.060
And so I think that, and so you were asking about the development of the

1283
01:08:32.060 --> 01:08:33.020
relationship, right?

1284
01:08:33.500 --> 01:08:34.420
The disclosure.

1285
01:08:35.340 --> 01:08:39.180
So I think as you get to know him more, things will just naturally come up.

1286
01:08:39.760 --> 01:08:43.600
Is there too frequent of like meeting?

1287
01:08:45.200 --> 01:08:45.720
Is it too?

1288
01:08:45.720 --> 01:08:46.240
What now?

1289
01:08:46.640 --> 01:08:51.359
Is there, is there a timeframe where it's too frequent to like, if we're seeing

1290
01:08:51.359 --> 01:08:54.240
each other every day, is that like too frequent?

1291
01:08:56.399 --> 01:09:01.520
Well, if you see that, yeah, if you're seeing each other every day, it's going

1292
01:09:01.520 --> 01:09:06.840
to speed up the process and you'll find that in a week you think you're going to

1293
01:09:06.859 --> 01:09:11.899
think, you know, that person more than you do, but no matter how many times you've

1294
01:09:11.899 --> 01:09:18.899
seen them in their week, that's just one week, it's just seven days and your mind

1295
01:09:18.899 --> 01:09:21.779
will tell you something different, but it's not true.

1296
01:09:22.979 --> 01:09:26.660
You know, it'd be kind of like, if you went to H to the grocery store every day

1297
01:09:26.660 --> 01:09:31.380
that week and the person was working there, you see them and you speak to them

1298
01:09:31.620 --> 01:09:34.180
and you kind of feel like you, maybe you know them, but you really don't know

1299
01:09:34.240 --> 01:09:34.479
them.

1300
01:09:34.479 --> 01:09:36.479
You've never been like in their own personal space.

1301
01:09:36.479 --> 01:09:39.920
Now this person, granny, might be going to dinner, you may be going to walk the

1302
01:09:39.920 --> 01:09:43.600
dog, you may be going to the park, but seeing somebody every day speeds up a

1303
01:09:43.600 --> 01:09:45.840
process, just like talking to them every day.

1304
01:09:46.319 --> 01:09:49.439
Now, the thing about one of the reasons why I guard myself against talking to

1305
01:09:49.439 --> 01:09:54.480
somebody every day until we get to a certain point is because if things have

1306
01:09:54.480 --> 01:09:58.720
to go our separate ways, I'm creating something I'm giving to them that I'm

1307
01:09:58.720 --> 01:10:02.080
giving to myself that I'm giving to them that I'm giving to them that I'm

1308
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:01.200
being used to.

1309
01:10:01.200 --> 01:10:04.200
And you're going to miss that more than that person.

1310
01:10:04.200 --> 01:10:07.520
And it'll feel like it impacts you more.

1311
01:10:07.520 --> 01:10:09.200
But it only impacts you more because you

1312
01:10:09.200 --> 01:10:11.280
talk to that person every day.

1313
01:10:11.280 --> 01:10:13.280
That's just like, it's no different

1314
01:10:13.280 --> 01:10:15.080
when you have a loved one.

1315
01:10:15.080 --> 01:10:17.640
Somebody who lived in the house and saw them all the time

1316
01:10:17.640 --> 01:10:20.000
and you lived out of town, it impacts them more

1317
01:10:20.000 --> 01:10:22.480
because they saw them all the time.

1318
01:10:22.480 --> 01:10:23.680
You love them.

1319
01:10:23.680 --> 01:10:25.800
You're hurting, but they weren't a part

1320
01:10:25.800 --> 01:10:29.800
of your everyday routine.

1321
01:10:29.880 --> 01:10:33.640
And so that's kind of how, what I, my thoughts about it.

1322
01:10:33.640 --> 01:10:35.120
Yeah.

1323
01:10:35.120 --> 01:10:36.200
Yeah.

1324
01:10:36.200 --> 01:10:37.040
Thank you.

1325
01:10:37.040 --> 01:10:37.880
Was that everything?

1326
01:10:37.880 --> 01:10:39.320
Yeah.

1327
01:10:39.320 --> 01:10:40.160
For now, yeah.

1328
01:10:40.160 --> 01:10:42.200
I'll post another one and I'll post another question

1329
01:10:42.200 --> 01:10:44.600
and the thing, cause it's a simple question,

1330
01:10:44.600 --> 01:10:46.120
but I'll let these other ladies go.

1331
01:10:46.120 --> 01:10:46.960
Thank you.

1332
01:10:46.960 --> 01:10:47.800
Okay.

1333
01:10:47.800 --> 01:10:49.640
And tag me in it because I didn't even see this post

1334
01:10:49.640 --> 01:10:51.240
from you when you just told me about this.

1335
01:10:51.240 --> 01:10:52.320
I didn't see it at all.

1336
01:10:52.320 --> 01:10:53.520
I hadn't seen it.

1337
01:10:53.520 --> 01:10:54.360
I didn't know.

1338
01:10:54.360 --> 01:10:56.120
Oh, you had responded to it.

1339
01:10:56.120 --> 01:10:56.960
Oh, okay.

1340
01:10:58.400 --> 01:10:59.240
All right.

1341
01:10:59.600 --> 01:11:01.160
Go for it, Nara.

1342
01:11:01.160 --> 01:11:02.000
You're welcome.

1343
01:11:04.080 --> 01:11:05.440
Hi.

1344
01:11:05.440 --> 01:11:06.280
Hey.

1345
01:11:07.760 --> 01:11:12.760
So I finally decided to create the dating apps.

1346
01:11:15.760 --> 01:11:20.760
I watched the videos and I made a profile last week

1347
01:11:21.000 --> 01:11:24.360
and it's been feeling a bit overwhelming for me.

1348
01:11:24.880 --> 01:11:29.880
I'm having a hard time like sifting through the guys

1349
01:11:31.000 --> 01:11:32.920
that are showing interest in me.

1350
01:11:32.920 --> 01:11:35.840
I'm finding that I'm not, and I don't know,

1351
01:11:35.840 --> 01:11:37.040
as you were talking tonight,

1352
01:11:37.040 --> 01:11:41.080
I wonder if I have like almost a subconscious checklist

1353
01:11:41.080 --> 01:11:43.080
that's like blocking me a little bit.

1354
01:11:45.080 --> 01:11:49.200
I don't like a lot of the guys on there

1355
01:11:49.200 --> 01:11:53.160
and I don't know if it's important,

1356
01:11:53.200 --> 01:11:55.080
but I realized like maybe I want someone

1357
01:11:55.080 --> 01:11:56.720
for my own culture.

1358
01:11:56.720 --> 01:11:59.560
I went on two video dates this week though.

1359
01:11:59.560 --> 01:12:02.280
So they were fine,

1360
01:12:02.280 --> 01:12:06.120
but the one guy I actually went on a video date

1361
01:12:06.120 --> 01:12:11.120
with this week, he had a lot of green flags,

1362
01:12:12.000 --> 01:12:15.240
but he didn't really ask me a lot of questions.

1363
01:12:15.240 --> 01:12:17.200
I noticed that he was talking about himself

1364
01:12:17.200 --> 01:12:21.680
a little bit more and he was just like oversharing.

1365
01:12:21.680 --> 01:12:23.920
I noticed that the guys I spoke to this week

1366
01:12:23.920 --> 01:12:28.160
were oversharing a lot about their past relationships,

1367
01:12:28.160 --> 01:12:31.520
about just a lot of things that I personally

1368
01:12:31.520 --> 01:12:34.080
wouldn't share with them and didn't share with them.

1369
01:12:34.080 --> 01:12:36.440
And then just being very complimentary,

1370
01:12:36.440 --> 01:12:39.400
but not really asking me a lot of questions.

1371
01:12:39.400 --> 01:12:43.840
But then in terms of qualities and character,

1372
01:12:43.840 --> 01:12:45.160
I could see it,

1373
01:12:45.160 --> 01:12:48.320
but the attraction is not really there a lot.

1374
01:12:48.320 --> 01:12:49.640
And I don't know,

1375
01:12:49.800 --> 01:12:52.120
I don't know where to go from here

1376
01:12:52.120 --> 01:12:54.360
because my instinct is to just shut it down

1377
01:12:54.360 --> 01:12:56.080
after a conversation,

1378
01:12:56.080 --> 01:12:57.760
but I wanna be more open-minded

1379
01:12:57.760 --> 01:13:01.160
because I know that that hasn't really worked for me.

1380
01:13:01.160 --> 01:13:02.960
And I thought I did my heart work

1381
01:13:02.960 --> 01:13:04.840
and I know I did do a lot of heart work,

1382
01:13:04.840 --> 01:13:07.640
but I didn't realize that this dating process

1383
01:13:07.640 --> 01:13:11.320
is actually like activating me so strongly.

1384
01:13:11.320 --> 01:13:14.920
I'm so anxious all the time.

1385
01:13:14.920 --> 01:13:18.040
And I realized that I think I'm a bit of an avoidant

1386
01:13:18.040 --> 01:13:20.200
when it comes to relationships.

1387
01:13:20.200 --> 01:13:23.440
So yeah, I don't know, it's bringing up a lot for me.

1388
01:13:23.440 --> 01:13:27.480
And I just thought I'd share because yeah,

1389
01:13:27.480 --> 01:13:29.840
it's just been a process.

1390
01:13:29.840 --> 01:13:31.160
Yeah.

1391
01:13:31.160 --> 01:13:33.000
I think if there weren't hands up,

1392
01:13:33.000 --> 01:13:34.560
you guys kind of wave at the screen,

1393
01:13:34.560 --> 01:13:36.840
if you wave at your screen,

1394
01:13:36.840 --> 01:13:38.480
if you've had the same experience

1395
01:13:38.480 --> 01:13:41.280
or experienced the same thing that she's talking about.

1396
01:13:42.240 --> 01:13:45.320
Like, so Naira, I wanna tell you,

1397
01:13:45.320 --> 01:13:47.520
men don't have dating coaches.

1398
01:13:48.440 --> 01:13:51.920
And so they just talk.

1399
01:13:54.280 --> 01:13:55.400
All of them do it.

1400
01:13:55.400 --> 01:13:57.720
I'm telling you, most every man I've talked to,

1401
01:13:57.720 --> 01:13:59.320
they just tell everything.

1402
01:13:59.320 --> 01:14:00.920
They, in their mind, I think they think

1403
01:14:00.920 --> 01:14:02.480
if I just get it all out,

1404
01:14:02.480 --> 01:14:04.640
she gonna decide if she wanna move forward or not.

1405
01:14:04.640 --> 01:14:05.600
So I'm gonna tell it all

1406
01:14:05.600 --> 01:14:07.960
because me usually foot the bill.

1407
01:14:07.960 --> 01:14:08.920
And so you gotta think,

1408
01:14:08.920 --> 01:14:10.120
every woman they go out with,

1409
01:14:10.120 --> 01:14:12.440
they're expected to pay for it.

1410
01:14:12.440 --> 01:14:14.320
And so I'm just gonna talk and tell you what it is.

1411
01:14:14.320 --> 01:14:16.080
She don't like me, gonna leave now.

1412
01:14:16.080 --> 01:14:18.840
I really put the heat in their minds.

1413
01:14:18.840 --> 01:14:21.280
They're gonna overshare because they're nervous

1414
01:14:21.280 --> 01:14:23.440
and they're talking to a beautiful woman.

1415
01:14:23.440 --> 01:14:26.720
They want to impress you with who they are

1416
01:14:26.720 --> 01:14:29.640
because men, that's their identity, what they work.

1417
01:14:29.640 --> 01:14:31.480
They're gonna put whatever they're proud of,

1418
01:14:31.480 --> 01:14:32.960
they're gonna show you.

1419
01:14:32.960 --> 01:14:34.720
They're not like you.

1420
01:14:34.720 --> 01:14:35.800
There's this really good book

1421
01:14:35.800 --> 01:14:37.920
that I enjoy reading, it changed my life.

1422
01:14:37.920 --> 01:14:39.760
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.

1423
01:14:39.760 --> 01:14:41.160
It will help you understand

1424
01:14:41.160 --> 01:14:43.200
that men and women are totally different.

1425
01:14:43.200 --> 01:14:45.240
And a lot of times we want men to show up like us

1426
01:14:45.240 --> 01:14:47.120
and they're not us.

1427
01:14:47.120 --> 01:14:50.560
They struggle with texting sometimes.

1428
01:14:50.560 --> 01:14:53.440
They'll do better in-person dates.

1429
01:14:55.240 --> 01:14:59.680
And so I want you to know that.

1430
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:01.840
They are oversharing.

1431
01:15:01.840 --> 01:15:03.280
They don't know, they're not,

1432
01:15:03.280 --> 01:15:04.800
they're not trying to offend you.

1433
01:15:04.800 --> 01:15:07.160
And I like the way you just held your ground.

1434
01:15:07.160 --> 01:15:08.600
Like, okay, just let them talk.

1435
01:15:08.600 --> 01:15:10.600
And sometimes you can be like, hey,

1436
01:15:10.600 --> 01:15:12.440
hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1437
01:15:12.440 --> 01:15:13.400
Thank you. Thank you.

1438
01:15:13.400 --> 01:15:14.000
They'll be like, huh?

1439
01:15:14.000 --> 01:15:15.600
They'll be like, I hear you.

1440
01:15:15.600 --> 01:15:16.920
You want to share.

1441
01:15:16.920 --> 01:15:19.240
Maybe I've done something to make you feel safe.

1442
01:15:19.240 --> 01:15:20.600
But let's just hold off on

1443
01:15:20.600 --> 01:15:21.800
those type of conversations

1444
01:15:21.800 --> 01:15:23.640
until we get to know each other better.

1445
01:15:23.640 --> 01:15:25.280
So would you be interested in

1446
01:15:25.280 --> 01:15:26.960
grabbing a cup of coffee maybe?

1447
01:15:26.960 --> 01:15:29.480
You can divert and like go

1448
01:15:29.480 --> 01:15:32.000
because one of the goals that we want

1449
01:15:32.000 --> 01:15:33.600
is for you to get a live date.

1450
01:15:33.600 --> 01:15:34.920
So you did good with your video calls,

1451
01:15:34.920 --> 01:15:37.160
but the goal is to date.

1452
01:15:37.160 --> 01:15:39.000
They're not your husbands.

1453
01:15:39.000 --> 01:15:40.560
They're your date.

1454
01:15:40.560 --> 01:15:42.560
So when you say, I did my hard work,

1455
01:15:42.560 --> 01:15:43.400
I thought I did.

1456
01:15:43.400 --> 01:15:44.720
It's true, you did.

1457
01:15:44.720 --> 01:15:46.840
And you realize that coming into dating,

1458
01:15:46.840 --> 01:15:48.120
it triggers you in ways,

1459
01:15:48.120 --> 01:15:50.560
it rose up against you in ways.

1460
01:15:50.560 --> 01:15:54.040
That's what makes this so good.

1461
01:15:54.040 --> 01:15:56.200
Because other relationships don't do this.

1462
01:15:56.200 --> 01:15:57.560
Maybe like a mother or father

1463
01:15:57.560 --> 01:15:58.440
or if you're real close,

1464
01:15:58.440 --> 01:15:59.840
intimate relationships,

1465
01:15:59.840 --> 01:16:02.080
but nothing is gonna rub you like a dating.

1466
01:16:03.160 --> 01:16:04.000
Right?

1467
01:16:04.000 --> 01:16:05.760
And so the goal is to date.

1468
01:16:06.720 --> 01:16:08.360
If they're local, try to get it with them.

1469
01:16:08.360 --> 01:16:09.880
If you can, I know people are working.

1470
01:16:09.880 --> 01:16:11.520
So within a week is what we say

1471
01:16:11.520 --> 01:16:13.280
at the end of their week or two weeks.

1472
01:16:13.280 --> 01:16:14.240
Video dates were great.

1473
01:16:14.240 --> 01:16:15.800
We're not taking away from them.

1474
01:16:15.800 --> 01:16:17.080
But I'm telling you,

1475
01:16:17.080 --> 01:16:18.360
when you're weaving through,

1476
01:16:18.360 --> 01:16:20.320
just to address this,

1477
01:16:20.320 --> 01:16:21.880
if they seem mature,

1478
01:16:21.880 --> 01:16:23.480
if they seem safe,

1479
01:16:23.480 --> 01:16:25.000
that you can have a conversation

1480
01:16:25.000 --> 01:16:26.760
with them over a cup of coffee,

1481
01:16:26.760 --> 01:16:28.320
then that's your goal.

1482
01:16:28.320 --> 01:16:30.600
Because you're dating for discovery.

1483
01:16:30.600 --> 01:16:32.480
God is your matchmaker.

1484
01:16:32.480 --> 01:16:34.720
He is writing your love story.

1485
01:16:34.720 --> 01:16:37.040
And I want that thought to lead you.

1486
01:16:37.040 --> 01:16:38.520
Because if that thought leads you

1487
01:16:38.520 --> 01:16:39.960
that I'm dating for discovery,

1488
01:16:39.960 --> 01:16:41.600
you're discovering you, not her.

1489
01:16:42.680 --> 01:16:43.880
In discovering others,

1490
01:16:43.880 --> 01:16:45.000
you discover yourself

1491
01:16:45.000 --> 01:16:47.240
because you discover how you respond to them.

1492
01:16:47.240 --> 01:16:48.160
So like you just said,

1493
01:16:48.160 --> 01:16:51.040
I'm starting to think I'm a bit of a hoarder.

1494
01:16:51.040 --> 01:16:53.000
No, it's just that you're trying to fit

1495
01:16:53.000 --> 01:16:55.040
into this new way.

1496
01:16:55.040 --> 01:16:55.880
You're trying to fit.

1497
01:16:55.960 --> 01:16:57.200
Some people make you want to run.

1498
01:16:57.200 --> 01:16:59.600
Some people make you want to draw close.

1499
01:16:59.600 --> 01:17:00.960
You go out a cup,

1500
01:17:00.960 --> 01:17:01.800
you'll come back and say,

1501
01:17:01.800 --> 01:17:03.080
I think I'm disorganized.

1502
01:17:03.080 --> 01:17:05.000
I don't know which one I am.

1503
01:17:05.000 --> 01:17:07.200
But it's just the shifting up

1504
01:17:07.200 --> 01:17:08.840
and shaking up of things.

1505
01:17:09.720 --> 01:17:12.240
And having to stay committed to a process.

1506
01:17:13.920 --> 01:17:16.080
Yeah, no, that's true.

1507
01:17:16.080 --> 01:17:17.520
And it's helpful.

1508
01:17:17.520 --> 01:17:18.360
I just,

1509
01:17:20.160 --> 01:17:21.760
I don't know.

1510
01:17:21.760 --> 01:17:23.680
I think it's hard for me to,

1511
01:17:24.680 --> 01:17:29.920
I'm very particular about who I'm willing to go on

1512
01:17:29.920 --> 01:17:31.320
an intimate date with

1513
01:17:31.320 --> 01:17:33.880
because it almost feels like,

1514
01:17:33.880 --> 01:17:35.040
when I take that step,

1515
01:17:35.040 --> 01:17:37.160
it's almost like it feels like I'm committing,

1516
01:17:37.160 --> 01:17:39.840
even though I know that's not the case.

1517
01:17:39.840 --> 01:17:41.280
Like in my head,

1518
01:17:41.280 --> 01:17:43.720
it's just, it feels like,

1519
01:17:43.720 --> 01:17:45.880
oh, we're dating,

1520
01:17:45.880 --> 01:17:47.400
even though I'm just getting to know you.

1521
01:17:47.400 --> 01:17:48.640
It's just awkward.

1522
01:17:48.640 --> 01:17:51.160
I just hate dating, to be honest.

1523
01:17:51.160 --> 01:17:52.000
Yeah.

1524
01:17:52.240 --> 01:17:53.320
And so what happens is,

1525
01:17:53.320 --> 01:17:56.280
you believe the way of doing things for so long.

1526
01:17:56.280 --> 01:17:58.760
And now that it's time to trump that belief system,

1527
01:17:58.760 --> 01:18:00.880
it doesn't want to let you go easily.

1528
01:18:02.320 --> 01:18:05.560
And so what you have to do is take what you know to be true

1529
01:18:05.560 --> 01:18:07.360
and stand up against that lie.

1530
01:18:07.360 --> 01:18:09.080
And say, I hear you.

1531
01:18:09.080 --> 01:18:11.720
I understand you have feelings about this thing,

1532
01:18:11.720 --> 01:18:13.440
but your feelings are a lie

1533
01:18:13.440 --> 01:18:14.800
because this is the truth.

1534
01:18:16.280 --> 01:18:18.680
Dating makes everybody nervous.

1535
01:18:18.680 --> 01:18:20.560
There comes this way,

1536
01:18:20.560 --> 01:18:22.800
there comes styles of rejection.

1537
01:18:22.800 --> 01:18:24.080
There come these thoughts of,

1538
01:18:24.080 --> 01:18:25.160
oh, why should I invest?

1539
01:18:25.160 --> 01:18:26.440
Or what if this goes around?

1540
01:18:26.440 --> 01:18:28.560
Or I don't want to hurt them when I say I don't like them.

1541
01:18:28.560 --> 01:18:30.240
Like all these things start springing up,

1542
01:18:30.240 --> 01:18:31.240
springing up, springing up.

1543
01:18:31.240 --> 01:18:32.280
And when you hear them,

1544
01:18:32.280 --> 01:18:34.400
you have to actually deal with the lies

1545
01:18:34.400 --> 01:18:36.760
because they're not going to go anywhere.

1546
01:18:36.760 --> 01:18:37.960
Right.

1547
01:18:37.960 --> 01:18:38.840
Right.

1548
01:18:38.840 --> 01:18:39.680
Yeah.

1549
01:18:39.680 --> 01:18:42.200
That's what this person that I went on a video date with,

1550
01:18:42.200 --> 01:18:45.760
like there wasn't anything specifically red flag.

1551
01:18:45.760 --> 01:18:47.560
So it would be appropriate for me

1552
01:18:47.560 --> 01:18:50.160
to go on a in-person date with him.

1553
01:18:50.880 --> 01:18:52.480
I think it would be good for you.

1554
01:18:53.400 --> 01:18:54.320
If you felt safe,

1555
01:18:54.320 --> 01:18:55.720
if you felt safe talking to me,

1556
01:18:55.720 --> 01:18:56.920
seemed like he got some good sense,

1557
01:18:56.920 --> 01:18:57.840
he stayed close enough,

1558
01:18:57.840 --> 01:19:00.000
I think you should go grab a cup of coffee.

1559
01:19:00.920 --> 01:19:01.960
Okay.

1560
01:19:01.960 --> 01:19:03.160
Low stakes dating,

1561
01:19:03.160 --> 01:19:05.080
especially for those of us who don't want to feel

1562
01:19:05.080 --> 01:19:07.480
like we're taken from somebody or not too invested,

1563
01:19:07.480 --> 01:19:09.160
coffee is always best.

1564
01:19:09.160 --> 01:19:10.920
You can easily walk away from somebody

1565
01:19:10.920 --> 01:19:12.760
who bought you a cup of coffee.

1566
01:19:12.760 --> 01:19:16.160
Especially if you carry this false sense of guilt.

1567
01:19:17.240 --> 01:19:20.400
Well, he lives two hours away, so.

1568
01:19:21.160 --> 01:19:23.120
I mean, y'all can meet each other halfway.

1569
01:19:23.120 --> 01:19:23.960
True.

1570
01:19:25.120 --> 01:19:27.160
If you want to go out on a date with him

1571
01:19:27.160 --> 01:19:28.480
and you want to meet up with him,

1572
01:19:28.480 --> 01:19:31.640
you can meet halfway in between plays.

1573
01:19:31.640 --> 01:19:34.120
Or you can do a early lunch.

1574
01:19:36.280 --> 01:19:38.200
But you just said sometimes when you go out with people,

1575
01:19:38.200 --> 01:19:41.800
you feel like you owe them or that you're tied to them.

1576
01:19:41.800 --> 01:19:46.320
And so the less money spent will probably help you.

1577
01:19:46.320 --> 01:19:47.800
Yeah, that's true.

1578
01:19:48.400 --> 01:19:49.640
Mm-hmm.

1579
01:19:49.640 --> 01:19:51.080
Thank you.

1580
01:19:51.080 --> 01:19:52.040
You're welcome.

1581
01:19:53.000 --> 01:19:54.520
Go for it, Rosanna.

1582
01:19:57.280 --> 01:19:58.120
Hi.

1583
01:19:58.120 --> 01:19:58.960
Okay.

1584
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.720
Hey, so real quick, this was great,

1585
01:20:03.720 --> 01:20:06.880
security and confidence or whatever.

1586
01:20:06.880 --> 01:20:09.860
I just had a little five-minute phone date with a guy

1587
01:20:09.860 --> 01:20:10.840
and he asked if we could,

1588
01:20:10.840 --> 01:20:12.240
because I was like, I can give you five,

1589
01:20:12.240 --> 01:20:13.240
he's like, I'll take five minutes.

1590
01:20:13.240 --> 01:20:14.800
I'm like, okay.

1591
01:20:14.800 --> 01:20:17.640
So we matched on friendship,

1592
01:20:17.640 --> 01:20:20.000
no, it actually was friends on Facebook dating.

1593
01:20:21.720 --> 01:20:23.920
And so that was cool.

1594
01:20:23.920 --> 01:20:26.520
And so that was last Wednesday, very early in the morning.

1595
01:20:26.520 --> 01:20:27.720
I was up way too late.

1596
01:20:27.720 --> 01:20:31.200
And he was like, hey, I'm Noah, this is blah, blah, blah.

1597
01:20:31.200 --> 01:20:32.400
I'm like, hey, it's so great.

1598
01:20:32.400 --> 01:20:35.360
Thank you so much for popping up, but I have to go to bed.

1599
01:20:35.360 --> 01:20:37.880
So I was like, can we chat tomorrow?

1600
01:20:37.880 --> 01:20:38.800
He's like, yeah, that's fine.

1601
01:20:38.800 --> 01:20:41.000
Like, let me know when you can chat or whatever.

1602
01:20:41.000 --> 01:20:43.560
So we dialogued or whatever, and that was fun.

1603
01:20:43.560 --> 01:20:46.520
And then we talked on the phone maybe a couple days later

1604
01:20:46.520 --> 01:20:49.720
and did we talk twice?

1605
01:20:49.720 --> 01:20:51.400
We've talked twice on the phone.

1606
01:20:51.400 --> 01:20:53.680
And then now we're,

1607
01:20:53.680 --> 01:20:56.480
then we had a little phone date today or whatever.

1608
01:20:56.480 --> 01:21:01.040
And we're gonna hang out on Sunday for appetizers.

1609
01:21:01.040 --> 01:21:02.680
So, ah, close the door, please.

1610
01:21:02.680 --> 01:21:03.520
Close the door.

1611
01:21:03.520 --> 01:21:04.360
I'm on the phone.

1612
01:21:04.360 --> 01:21:06.200
Nope, I'm on the phone.

1613
01:21:06.200 --> 01:21:08.240
My goodness, this is the motherhood.

1614
01:21:08.240 --> 01:21:09.240
Bye, bye, bye.

1615
01:21:09.240 --> 01:21:11.080
One moment, I'm so sorry.

1616
01:21:11.080 --> 01:21:11.920
You're okay.

1617
01:21:20.000 --> 01:21:22.160
Rosanne has five little ones, y'all.

1618
01:21:27.320 --> 01:21:32.320
You wanna go a little bit till she comes back for you next?

1619
01:21:47.920 --> 01:21:48.880
Oh, she's back.

1620
01:21:48.880 --> 01:21:51.120
You didn't come out mute, but go ahead, Rosanne.

1621
01:21:51.120 --> 01:21:53.240
I'm so sorry, guys.

1622
01:21:53.240 --> 01:21:55.280
This is another topic, like parenting,

1623
01:21:55.280 --> 01:21:57.040
single parenting and dating.

1624
01:21:57.040 --> 01:22:00.680
Anyway, we're gonna, this guy and I have really clicked.

1625
01:22:00.680 --> 01:22:02.840
And so like, we'll dialogue.

1626
01:22:02.840 --> 01:22:04.200
And I was like, oh, I really liked the song.

1627
01:22:04.200 --> 01:22:07.360
I wanted to like lead you a little about my personality.

1628
01:22:07.360 --> 01:22:08.720
And so it was really cool.

1629
01:22:08.720 --> 01:22:09.560
And it's just nice

1630
01:22:09.560 --> 01:22:11.480
because we got different genres of stuff that we like.

1631
01:22:11.480 --> 01:22:13.720
Anyway, so I'm looking forward to seeing him.

1632
01:22:13.720 --> 01:22:16.480
However, when you talk about the insecurity type thing,

1633
01:22:17.680 --> 01:22:18.960
so I don't know what it was,

1634
01:22:18.960 --> 01:22:21.760
because we can, what was it?

1635
01:22:21.760 --> 01:22:24.600
Because of the FaceTime thing, I got really nervous.

1636
01:22:24.600 --> 01:22:26.040
And so I was just like, oh my God.

1637
01:22:26.040 --> 01:22:27.640
He's like, I could tell you were a little bit nervous.

1638
01:22:27.640 --> 01:22:28.880
And I was like, okay.

1639
01:22:28.880 --> 01:22:33.880
And so I think I was realizing how,

1640
01:22:34.520 --> 01:22:36.000
I was like, how did I come off?

1641
01:22:36.000 --> 01:22:37.840
Did I seem like, you know, I got in my head.

1642
01:22:37.840 --> 01:22:40.680
And he said that, he's like, you're in our head a lot.

1643
01:22:40.680 --> 01:22:42.120
I was like, I know.

1644
01:22:42.120 --> 01:22:44.400
And I was like, the only thing that I wanted to be

1645
01:22:44.400 --> 01:22:45.520
was like cute on the phone.

1646
01:22:45.520 --> 01:22:46.480
You know, we were like joking.

1647
01:22:46.480 --> 01:22:48.080
He's like, oh, you nailed that.

1648
01:22:48.080 --> 01:22:49.920
And I was like, oh, because I was,

1649
01:22:49.920 --> 01:22:52.640
and then I said, I was like, I looked cuter this morning.

1650
01:22:52.640 --> 01:22:53.480
He's like, stop.

1651
01:22:53.480 --> 01:22:55.240
He's like, why are you saying that?

1652
01:22:55.240 --> 01:22:59.120
And I'm like, and then I noticed, okay.

1653
01:22:59.120 --> 01:23:02.000
Last Friday, I went out with one of my girlfriends.

1654
01:23:02.000 --> 01:23:04.440
I looked smoking hot and I saw people,

1655
01:23:04.440 --> 01:23:05.440
like men were looking at me.

1656
01:23:05.440 --> 01:23:07.040
And women were probably like, that was the cute shoes.

1657
01:23:07.040 --> 01:23:09.040
You know, like, it felt so good.

1658
01:23:09.040 --> 01:23:10.080
I had this confidence.

1659
01:23:10.080 --> 01:23:11.440
I walked in the room.

1660
01:23:11.440 --> 01:23:14.160
I've been walking, like watching how to like walk on heels

1661
01:23:14.160 --> 01:23:15.840
so I can walk more.

1662
01:23:15.840 --> 01:23:17.480
I am looking at these etiquette classes,

1663
01:23:17.480 --> 01:23:20.040
because I am classy and the men are seeing it.

1664
01:23:20.040 --> 01:23:21.720
So I'm walking, I'm smiling at men

1665
01:23:21.720 --> 01:23:23.680
and they are smiling back at me.

1666
01:23:23.680 --> 01:23:26.400
And I'm like, and it feels so good, right?

1667
01:23:26.400 --> 01:23:27.760
And I'm at that concert.

1668
01:23:27.760 --> 01:23:31.400
And then the two, two of the lead singers come up to me

1669
01:23:31.400 --> 01:23:32.600
and sing to me at the thing.

1670
01:23:32.600 --> 01:23:35.760
And I'm like, and then I froze up.

1671
01:23:35.760 --> 01:23:37.040
And one of my closest friends, she's like,

1672
01:23:37.040 --> 01:23:40.000
I have never seen this side of you, the shy side of you.

1673
01:23:40.000 --> 01:23:42.200
It's like, I can be comfortable and confident

1674
01:23:42.200 --> 01:23:43.440
with a lot of things, which I am.

1675
01:23:43.440 --> 01:23:46.400
But with men, that's where my,

1676
01:23:46.400 --> 01:23:48.720
all of a sudden I get like their eyes.

1677
01:23:48.720 --> 01:23:50.080
I'm like, do I really want this attention?

1678
01:23:50.320 --> 01:23:51.680
I like attention, but do I want this?

1679
01:23:51.680 --> 01:23:54.360
I want attention when I allow it,

1680
01:23:54.360 --> 01:23:56.760
not when it's unexpectedly given to me.

1681
01:23:56.760 --> 01:23:58.680
And so I'm not used to,

1682
01:23:58.680 --> 01:24:00.640
I think the thing about like saying like,

1683
01:24:00.640 --> 01:24:03.200
if I'm so pretty, why don't guys tell me that?

1684
01:24:03.200 --> 01:24:05.760
You know, I think that's the lie I was believing.

1685
01:24:05.760 --> 01:24:07.040
And I don't like that.

1686
01:24:07.040 --> 01:24:10.280
And this weekend, I am going out with another girlfriend.

1687
01:24:10.280 --> 01:24:12.160
We're going out by ourselves on Valentine's Day

1688
01:24:12.160 --> 01:24:13.480
and I'm gonna look really hot.

1689
01:24:13.480 --> 01:24:16.520
And so like, I can't wait, I'm so pumped.

1690
01:24:16.520 --> 01:24:19.280
And then I can't wait to see this guy on Sunday

1691
01:24:19.320 --> 01:24:20.680
to have appetizers.

1692
01:24:20.680 --> 01:24:23.840
And I don't know, like we've just really clicked.

1693
01:24:23.840 --> 01:24:26.960
I really, he's the one who's getting more of my attention

1694
01:24:26.960 --> 01:24:30.240
than, and I've done a couple of dates on the phone.

1695
01:24:30.240 --> 01:24:31.600
One guy, our first one was like,

1696
01:24:31.600 --> 01:24:34.160
womp, womp, and I was, it seemed so good on text.

1697
01:24:34.160 --> 01:24:36.880
And when we talked, he ended up talking a lot,

1698
01:24:36.880 --> 01:24:38.320
like most men do.

1699
01:24:38.320 --> 01:24:40.600
And then he asked me a little bit

1700
01:24:40.600 --> 01:24:41.600
and then it went back to him.

1701
01:24:41.600 --> 01:24:42.920
And I was like, okay, well, he's like,

1702
01:24:42.920 --> 01:24:43.840
well, if you ever wanna, you know,

1703
01:24:43.840 --> 01:24:45.200
I'm moving an hour and a half away now.

1704
01:24:45.200 --> 01:24:46.640
So I think things are gonna change.

1705
01:24:46.640 --> 01:24:48.240
I'm like, yeah, it's fine.

1706
01:24:48.280 --> 01:24:49.440
He's like, if you ever wanna call, it's fine.

1707
01:24:49.440 --> 01:24:50.520
I'm like, okay.

1708
01:24:50.520 --> 01:24:54.480
And then I talked to another gentleman who's 61 years old

1709
01:24:54.480 --> 01:24:56.440
and I need to figure out,

1710
01:24:56.440 --> 01:24:58.800
I clicked on his thing cause he liked my profile.

1711
01:24:58.800 --> 01:25:00.200
And then now I'm just.

1712
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.440
It's like, be real.

1713
01:25:01.440 --> 01:25:03.200
You don't want to be with a 61-year-old.

1714
01:25:03.200 --> 01:25:05.320
So I don't know if I should just write it out

1715
01:25:05.320 --> 01:25:06.160
and being like-

1716
01:25:06.160 --> 01:25:06.980
Yeah, write it out.

1717
01:25:06.980 --> 01:25:08.200
Should I just write it out to him

1718
01:25:08.200 --> 01:25:09.400
or like leave a voice memo?

1719
01:25:09.400 --> 01:25:10.960
Cause we talked on the phone, like you're great,

1720
01:25:10.960 --> 01:25:12.960
but I have to be aware of myself.

1721
01:25:12.960 --> 01:25:15.600
Like I can't be with someone almost, you know,

1722
01:25:15.600 --> 01:25:17.280
18 years older than me.

1723
01:25:17.280 --> 01:25:18.560
I just leave it like that?

1724
01:25:18.560 --> 01:25:19.880
Is that the false guilt where I'm like,

1725
01:25:19.880 --> 01:25:21.880
I have to call you cause we did all this stuff.

1726
01:25:21.880 --> 01:25:23.920
And is that like,

1727
01:25:23.920 --> 01:25:25.960
or do I owe him a conversation?

1728
01:25:25.960 --> 01:25:29.920
It could just be you honoring him as a person.

1729
01:25:29.920 --> 01:25:31.520
Yeah.

1730
01:25:31.520 --> 01:25:33.440
It could just be you talk to this person

1731
01:25:33.440 --> 01:25:36.160
and you know within yourself,

1732
01:25:36.160 --> 01:25:38.640
it's going to take some bravery to have this conversation.

1733
01:25:38.640 --> 01:25:40.760
And you're like, I don't want to be brave or I don't.

1734
01:25:40.760 --> 01:25:42.120
Cause you feel the heat of it.

1735
01:25:42.120 --> 01:25:43.720
Or you're going to press through and be brave

1736
01:25:43.720 --> 01:25:44.960
and have the conversation.

1737
01:25:44.960 --> 01:25:46.680
Like call him and being like, hey.

1738
01:25:46.680 --> 01:25:48.400
Yeah, or you're going to leave a voice memo

1739
01:25:48.400 --> 01:25:51.260
and say, I'm not brave enough to say this

1740
01:25:51.260 --> 01:25:52.100
on the phone with you.

1741
01:25:52.100 --> 01:25:53.000
I can't tell you why,

1742
01:25:53.000 --> 01:25:54.600
but I did want to leave this voice memo

1743
01:25:54.600 --> 01:25:55.800
and tell you what I'm really thinking

1744
01:25:55.800 --> 01:25:58.000
because I do care.

1745
01:25:58.000 --> 01:25:59.280
And then you say it or-

1746
01:25:59.680 --> 01:26:00.520
I think he'd appreciate it.

1747
01:26:00.520 --> 01:26:01.360
Yeah, I think he would.

1748
01:26:01.360 --> 01:26:02.720
Yeah, I think so too.

1749
01:26:02.720 --> 01:26:03.560
And then-

1750
01:26:03.560 --> 01:26:06.120
He know he in over his head, baby.

1751
01:26:06.120 --> 01:26:06.960
He is.

1752
01:26:06.960 --> 01:26:10.640
He know he in over his head.

1753
01:26:10.640 --> 01:26:11.880
I guess so.

1754
01:26:11.880 --> 01:26:12.880
But it felt nice.

1755
01:26:12.880 --> 01:26:15.080
And he sounds like the three Ms.

1756
01:26:15.080 --> 01:26:15.920
He is that.

1757
01:26:15.920 --> 01:26:17.600
But I'm like thinking, I'm like, girl,

1758
01:26:17.600 --> 01:26:19.040
my parents are his age.

1759
01:26:19.040 --> 01:26:20.440
And I'm like, nah, I can't do that.

1760
01:26:20.440 --> 01:26:21.280
Cause I'm looking at him.

1761
01:26:21.280 --> 01:26:23.240
He had enough years to become three Ms too.

1762
01:26:23.240 --> 01:26:24.080
That's true.

1763
01:26:24.080 --> 01:26:24.920
That's very true.

1764
01:26:24.920 --> 01:26:27.880
It's 826, so you got a question.

1765
01:26:27.880 --> 01:26:28.880
I'm about to shut us down.

1766
01:26:29.480 --> 01:26:33.280
I just want to like, how can I continue my confidence?

1767
01:26:33.280 --> 01:26:34.720
Why do I have it one day?

1768
01:26:34.720 --> 01:26:37.280
And then it goes away with like,

1769
01:26:37.280 --> 01:26:39.000
I want to make sure I have that confidence on Sunday.

1770
01:26:39.000 --> 01:26:40.200
And I know I do.

1771
01:26:40.200 --> 01:26:41.040
Like I carry it.

1772
01:26:41.040 --> 01:26:41.880
Please go.

1773
01:26:42.840 --> 01:26:44.200
What I was going to tell you is

1774
01:26:44.200 --> 01:26:47.440
I want you to consider that you are a mom.

1775
01:26:47.440 --> 01:26:49.680
I want you to consider that you were married

1776
01:26:49.680 --> 01:26:52.160
for a great number of years

1777
01:26:52.160 --> 01:26:54.760
and coming into this season of dating

1778
01:26:54.760 --> 01:26:57.320
and all of these things are new for you.

1779
01:26:57.320 --> 01:26:59.160
And you're just trying to find your balance

1780
01:26:59.160 --> 01:27:02.000
and you're just getting, becoming more free

1781
01:27:02.000 --> 01:27:03.200
as this single woman.

1782
01:27:03.200 --> 01:27:06.000
And so you're growing at all these different dynamics.

1783
01:27:06.000 --> 01:27:07.440
And so you're going to freeze up.

1784
01:27:07.440 --> 01:27:10.000
You're getting attention that you didn't get for so long

1785
01:27:10.000 --> 01:27:11.280
and whatever you did have,

1786
01:27:11.280 --> 01:27:14.360
it could have been lacking the attention that you deserve.

1787
01:27:14.360 --> 01:27:16.880
And so this is just a new world for you.

1788
01:27:18.960 --> 01:27:19.800
Yeah.

1789
01:27:19.800 --> 01:27:21.400
I just think that you're just adjusting

1790
01:27:21.400 --> 01:27:24.360
and you're going to find your sweet spot.

1791
01:27:24.360 --> 01:27:25.720
You're also going to find like,

1792
01:27:25.720 --> 01:27:27.440
it's one thing for you to look smoking hot

1793
01:27:27.440 --> 01:27:28.920
when you're with your friend girl,

1794
01:27:28.920 --> 01:27:29.800
but when you're dating,

1795
01:27:29.800 --> 01:27:31.160
when you're with a man on a date,

1796
01:27:31.160 --> 01:27:33.240
there's another woman you want to pursue.

1797
01:27:34.800 --> 01:27:36.080
That's not the same,

1798
01:27:36.080 --> 01:27:38.280
the same smoking hot short dress

1799
01:27:38.280 --> 01:27:39.600
if you've been over your booty cheek

1800
01:27:39.600 --> 01:27:41.560
may come out with your girlfriend.

1801
01:27:41.560 --> 01:27:43.200
It's not what you're going to wear on the date.

1802
01:27:43.200 --> 01:27:44.040
Not saying you wore that,

1803
01:27:44.040 --> 01:27:44.960
but I'm just giving you an example.

1804
01:27:44.960 --> 01:27:47.240
It's not what you're going to wear on a date with a man

1805
01:27:47.240 --> 01:27:49.760
because you're not going to send out that idea to him

1806
01:27:49.760 --> 01:27:51.840
about who you are as a woman.

1807
01:27:51.840 --> 01:27:53.320
So I just want you to know

1808
01:27:53.320 --> 01:27:55.440
that's the difference in showing up.

1809
01:27:56.080 --> 01:27:56.920
What you do with your girlfriend

1810
01:27:56.920 --> 01:27:58.760
is not what you're going to do with a man on a date.

1811
01:28:00.640 --> 01:28:03.560
And now you are being measured

1812
01:28:03.560 --> 01:28:05.080
in the light of what could this man

1813
01:28:05.080 --> 01:28:06.480
possibly be thinking about me.

1814
01:28:06.480 --> 01:28:09.040
So it's just a different dynamic

1815
01:28:09.040 --> 01:28:11.360
and you just kind of get the rhythm as you go.

1816
01:28:13.640 --> 01:28:14.480
Yeah.

1817
01:28:15.600 --> 01:28:16.520
Sounds good.

1818
01:28:16.520 --> 01:28:17.600
You're welcome.

1819
01:28:17.600 --> 01:28:18.440
All right.

1820
01:28:18.440 --> 01:28:22.040
This 828 who wrote,

1821
01:28:22.040 --> 01:28:23.160
I'm so sorry you guys,

1822
01:28:23.160 --> 01:28:24.000
we're out of time,

1823
01:28:24.440 --> 01:28:28.560
Lovette, Susan, Claudia, Alexandra,

1824
01:28:28.560 --> 01:28:32.160
you can post on the app or make a video for me

1825
01:28:32.160 --> 01:28:34.000
so that I can maybe see your face.

1826
01:28:34.000 --> 01:28:35.000
If you're okay with it,

1827
01:28:35.000 --> 01:28:37.400
see your face, hear your voice.

1828
01:28:37.400 --> 01:28:38.560
If you can go live,

1829
01:28:38.560 --> 01:28:41.600
go live and do it that way or write out.

1830
01:28:41.600 --> 01:28:43.560
And Lovette, I did want to respond to you.

1831
01:28:43.560 --> 01:28:47.920
You had a lot of good breakthrough in your post.

1832
01:28:47.920 --> 01:28:49.800
The reason why I hadn't responded to your post,

1833
01:28:49.800 --> 01:28:51.160
I saw your post,

1834
01:28:51.160 --> 01:28:52.440
but I needed to pray

1835
01:28:52.440 --> 01:28:54.160
and so I've been mulling over it.

1836
01:28:54.160 --> 01:28:56.800
And so I go back to it and I look at it again.

1837
01:28:56.800 --> 01:28:59.240
And so I do that with a lot of posts.

1838
01:28:59.240 --> 01:29:01.800
You guys may not know that sometimes I pray

1839
01:29:01.800 --> 01:29:03.080
and sometimes I get things quickly,

1840
01:29:03.080 --> 01:29:04.840
but you had a lot of great breakthrough.

1841
01:29:04.840 --> 01:29:06.240
I'm so happy for you.

1842
01:29:06.240 --> 01:29:08.640
I'm so sorry that that happened to you

1843
01:29:08.640 --> 01:29:09.600
when you were a little girl.

1844
01:29:09.600 --> 01:29:11.520
That's your post, right?

1845
01:29:11.520 --> 01:29:12.960
About what Carla told you to ask

1846
01:29:12.960 --> 01:29:14.280
and you asked the Lord about it.

1847
01:29:14.280 --> 01:29:16.280
And so I want to look back at it one more time.

1848
01:29:16.280 --> 01:29:17.960
I looked at your post three times.

1849
01:29:19.200 --> 01:29:20.560
So just so you know,

1850
01:29:20.800 --> 01:29:22.120
and I could have put that on there,

1851
01:29:22.120 --> 01:29:25.200
but I was like, when I respond, I wanted to respond.

1852
01:29:25.200 --> 01:29:27.120
And so it is 829.

1853
01:29:27.120 --> 01:29:28.160
You ladies have been lovely.

1854
01:29:28.160 --> 01:29:31.560
I'm so sorry I didn't get a chance to get to all of y'all.

1855
01:29:31.560 --> 01:29:33.560
And please post for me.

1856
01:29:33.560 --> 01:29:35.800
Please, please, please.

1857
01:29:35.800 --> 01:29:36.640
Yeah.

1858
01:29:36.640 --> 01:29:37.480
All right.

1859
01:29:37.480 --> 01:29:38.320
Ladies, have a good night.

1860
01:29:38.320 --> 01:29:42.000
Look for the activation as well on the page.

1861
01:29:42.000 --> 01:29:43.080
I miss you, Alexandra.

1862
01:29:43.080 --> 01:29:44.280
It's so good to see you.

1863
01:29:46.000 --> 01:29:46.840
All right.

1864
01:29:46.840 --> 01:29:48.480
Good night, ladies.

1865
01:29:48.480 --> 01:29:50.040
Thank you, Ebony.

1866
01:29:50.040 --> 01:29:51.240
You're welcome.