there we go so yeah hopefully my unfortunate events here of not feeling 100% we're going
to use that to impromptu show you what little bit we can do that will help us when we are
doing video dates because those are important so especially if you're on the apps and especially
you know if you especially when they're a little further away and you don't want to
drive an hour you don't want them to drive an hour you drive an hour like you just sometimes
it's nice to have that in person video chat first it kind of lessens the nerves and then
it also lets you know like is this person serious about dating what what are they going
to show you first first and foremost so all right seeing lots of you jump on again thank you so
much and Nancy don't worry about not being camera ready I get it clearly for those of you're just
jumping on I am NOT 100% I woke up not feeling good feeling pretty nauseous headache all the
things which I'm sure is just a little little nudge for me to remember that I really do need
to practice self-care I am definitely a helper a servant heart you know especially you all you
you all are women you get it we kind of are just the ones that just take care of and do for the
people that we care about and love and so if you've got kids which I've got three ages 10 14
and 16 and so that you get stretched and then ladies just be prepared because when you get
married then you're gonna be wife and you're a wife duties so and so yeah so it's just a good
reminder for me that you know I need to slow down and I need to take care of myself so with
that being said I really I'm curious just by show of hands how many of you got to listen to Jackie's
supernatural Saturday good good good a lot of you did okay if you have not listened to supernatural
Saturday please please please do I didn't get to go on live on Saturday my husband did towards
the last end of it he's in that men's group now because we are doing the couple's heart work and
so he's getting involved there but yeah so he was on but then we ended up listening together that
next day and so it was really powerful it was really really good I'm gonna touch a little bit
on that today during our session and so on and so forth okay so and Gail you sent a lady to the
program and one of the gentlemen I'm talking oh that's awesome I love that you're trying to fill
out the affiliate form and it asks for I couldn't get to find it on the app your ID um let me do
some investigating with that because it's been a couple years since I set up my affiliate I know
every start of the brand new year you get a different affiliate link because it has the year
changes so every year so for those ladies that have the affiliate link if you fill it out last
year you're not going to be able to use that same link you'll have a new link for 2026 okay for
anybody that's that's used that which I'm you know there's been a few people that I've been able to
refer to like for my church and things like that from some of the women that I am you know have
run into just you know I'm a I'm a talker y'all know this those of you that I'll know I'm a talker
and so I will just talk to complete strangers and so oftentimes I can share my affiliate link that
way too and so it's you know it's it's a way to make a little extra cash which is nice you know
then you can go get something cute for yourself you know so yeah definitely I'll follow up with
that Gail just shoot me a reminder in the app so that way we can figure that out for you question
does Jackie have a list of gifts and what they
look like being overextended. I don't know if she does, but we can spend some time, um, kind of
talking through that a little bit. I know, um, I know how my gifts get overextended.
I mean, that's, that's the daily thing for me. I mean, especially again, my servant heart,
like I often put myself on the back burner. I kind of neglect myself and kind of,
you know, pour into everybody else. And then what will happen is I will want to extend my,
my giftings and my help when people don't necessarily want them or they just want me
to do it for them. And then I'm sitting here trying to operate in my own like flesh
and not partnering with God and not allowing God to do his part. Like that's something God is
really highlighted to me over the last month is, you know, I oftentimes will take on
his responsibilities thinking that they're mine because I'm like, Oh, I have such a gifted
discernment. I can see, you know, you know, how this is affecting this and this is what you can
do. And I mean, I can sit there and micromanage my family, my kids, I mean, all of it. And then
God's like, why are you doing my job? So I know how my gifts can get extended. So if you want to
unpack that later if you think that your gifts are being overextended, we can definitely sort
that out. Yeah. So your child was just like Jackie's yeah, for sure. I mean, I know one of
my gifts of being discerning and the just prophetic, like just having some of the prophetic
gifts. I'm realizing in my childhood, a lot of times I felt like I was being silenced. And so
one of my things is not feeling heard, not being seen, not being heard, feeling ignored, feeling
like people don't hear me misunderstand me a lot. And so then I kind of try to overcompensate,
and then I just end up getting myself even more frustrated. And so that's kind of how that's shown
up in my life, where then, because people don't understand me. So then I go and try just to do it
all. I don't know if that helps you. But let me go ahead and pray for us and get us started. We've
got lots of you ladies on there's 19 of us. That's awesome. So yeah, let's go ahead and pray.
And then I'm going to touch on some housekeeping and then we'll get into our session.
I hope that it will not take that long. I'm going to really, really move fast. So be prepared,
be prepared as fast as I can in my not feeling great. If you can come on camera, please, please
do. Again, I'm not feeling 100%. I currently have no makeup on that will change. I will put on a
little makeup for you ladies to kind of show you here shortly. What little makeup goes a long way.
It's kind of it's kind of how I'm doing this impromptu session today. And so and then we'll
take your questions. I know Gail put a question up in the in the reminder that I just posted
less than an hour ago. So that was good. I actually think we might do that. I will try to
but I'll talk to Ebony and see if we can't post it early enough on Tuesday mornings,
that if you are coming to a live and have a question, post your question there. So that if
we don't get to it, we can always answer it. But then it kind of preps us going into the session,
who's got questions, what are their questions, and hopefully it will, it'll allow us to get
to more people. I'm hoping like you did that today. And that's the first thing that came to
my mind. Okay. All right. We're 10 minutes in, I'm going to start praying so we can get get
started. Okay. Heavenly Father, I just thank you for this time together. Lord, I just ask for your
presence to be in the space with us, Lord. Lord, I just ask that you know, you use this time to
to share what it is that you so desperately want your daughters to know. Lord, I just ask that you
give us the grace and I thank you for that word that we are in a grace period right now, Lord,
that you know, you you operate in so much grace and mercy for us. And so I love that this is that
time in that season that this gets to be, we get to operate in that grace, not just in a season,
but daily. And so Lord, I thank you for that. Lord, I ask again, just that you just be with us
in this time together. I ask for any healing that needs to be done physically to take place, Lord.
I'm sure I'm not the
the only one feeling under the weather as we get 2026 started.
So I just released that supernatural healing over this community, Lord,
and not just the physical stuff, but also the heart healing as well. Lord,
I just feel like you want your daughters to know that the heart healing,
the heart work is the foundational piece. And so I do,
I do thank you for the opportunities that you allow for us to come
into this community and it to be a safe space for us to get the healing that you
so desire for us. And that,
that is that preparation for all the promises that you have
given us, you know, not just the marriage promises, Lord,
but all the promises that you have.
Because our life is not just about marriage. It's about serving you.
It's about doing, you know, kingdom work for you, Lord.
And so, you know, yes,
our marriages will be part of our contribution to the kingdom,
but that's not the only thing you have for us. So, Lord,
I just ask that you ignite these women with the fire, the passion,
the breath that they need to step into each and every one of
their seasons and the promises that you have given them and to,
you know, help them push forward,
to know what they need, to work on finishing and getting started,
you know, whatever they pick, you know,
whatever they picked up before and then they sat down, Lord,
if you want them to pick that back up and move forward with that, Lord,
I just, I ask that you just light that fire in their heart,
Lord, and give them that reminder, that gentle, gentle reminder. So again,
we thank you for this time together. And you,
I ask that you bless our time together in Jesus name. Amen. All right.
And Kathy, don't worry. You haven't combed your hair yet. No worries.
Okay. My hair is not looking the greatest either.
I just did. I did.
I was in the bathroom.
I love it. Good for you. All right. A couple of housekeeping things.
First of all, do I have any new ladies to phase two?
I've got a lot of you on. I'm quite new. Kathy. Yes, you are fairly new.
Lisa. I don't know if I've read, like you've been here a little bit.
Haven't you? I usually tend to the eight o'clock. Okay.
That might say sometimes I'll go back and watch the replay. I just,
I haven't seen you on my one o'clock, but I'm like,
you do look slightly familiar. I'm like, awesome. So yeah,
put your hand up if you're not on camera and you're brand new,
I want to make sure that you feel welcomed and seen and loved.
We are so happy you're here. If you are watching and replay,
make sure that you introduce yourself in the app, in the group so that we,
we know who you are. We get so many people coming in and out.
So it's always good when we get some new,
new faces in and we get to see you and and such.
Okay. All right.
I'm just seeing everybody else here. I've got Lovelette, Laura,
Laura, Janice, Margaret here.
Kim Bailey's here. Kathy, Sonia,
Sershell, Lisa, Gail. Okay, perfect. Karen, Mackenzie.
I think I forgot a few of you. Carrie, Callie, awesome. Kelly.
Would we have two Kellys? Did I say Kelly twice? There's a lot of K's.
There's a lot of us K names here today.
Awesome. Awesome. All right, ladies. Okay, couple of housekeeping items.
Remember if you are new to phase two, it's not mandatory that you're dating.
Okay. Don't, don't rush into that if you just feel like you need to kind of set
the pace. Some ladies like to deep dive. They like to just, you know,
go cannonball into the pool. Some of us ladies,
we like to just dip our toe in. Like we need to feel the water first.
So we're going to go ahead and do that.
We like to just dip our toe in. Like we need to feel the water first.
Like we're just like, hold on a second. That was definitely me.
I was one of those, one of those girls.
It took me a little while when I joined the community to get myself out and
dating. So don't feel like that is a mandatory thing,
but at some point in phase two,
we do want you out dating and getting that practice before you jump into phase
three, because anything that's going to surface,
we want to be able in our smaller phase two group,
be able to coach you through that process. Okay.
Because y'all just came out of heartwork.
And so y'all remember what that was like? Okay. Heartwork doesn't finish.
And so as you start dating and as you know,
you start utilizing these heartwork tools, you know,
God's going to use all sorts of opportunities and situations to kind of,
Come in and you know show you areas where hey, I want I want to heal this a little more
I want to heal the up heal this
Healing does come in layers forgiveness comes in layers
So keep that in mind. I know I say that every week for my ladies that have been here for a little bit
Do you want to give a reminder?
We are still diligently working on the app and the updates that and some of the chaos that it created
For some of us admin
So just again, thank you for your patience. I really do appreciate it
One thing that I did notice that will help us coaches while we're still trying to navigate
The there is in works another update to kind of fix those glitches
So that is the good news, which I trust and believe that that is going to happen
however, when you ladies are posting in the app and
And
You want specifically a coach responding?
Please make sure that you click the ask a coach because that is typically where it myself and Ebony will go
We go to that that that's the tab that I go to first
Because I'm always making sure that those are the things that I'm getting to first and then I kind of go to the all
Category and hit there. Okay
And sometimes those ask a coach also will be in all but I go to ask a coach so at least I'm getting to those
first
ladies if you recognize
Because what I want you to do is I want you
Responding to your sisters here in the community. I want you encouraging each other
I want you to refrain from coaching each other. Okay, because this is your opportunity to receive which I know
For some of us I was one of those that you know has that leadership gift the teaching gift the
Servant heart gift the the counseling get like all of those
Giftings like you kind of want to go in and help. I
Was one of those like I had to really refrain from that had to check myself often and remember I can give
Encouragement that I don't have to coach and tell people. Hey, this is what I did
You should do this, too. Does that make sense?
and
So just keep that in mind when you are giving encouragement to your sisters that you are allowing
The coaches to come in and coach
Those women so that it doesn't get confusing for them as well
But what I really want to share is it actually helps us
especially now with some of these things changes in the app is
if
You ladies are responding to an ask a coach
Post that a coach has not post like commented on
That's oftentimes when us coaches will miss it
so before you like respond or
Encourage one of your sisters on their post
double check if it's an ask a coach question and
If it is and a coach hasn't responded to it yet hold it until coaches responded I
Know that's kind of like I know that again if you happen to do it or like we're not the police
We're not gonna we're not gonna give you a ticket
We're not gonna throw you in jail
But just if you could help us out that way it would be tremendous because you know
Our heart is definitely to make sure that we get to every single one of y'all's post. It's it's important for me
I like that is just something that I'm always diligently working on
And so when all of that happened with the app, they like changed them some things that were great
And then all of a sudden I'm like wait like now I'm like
You know having to like what how do I how do I get to all of them?
so
I've got some things that I'm working on my end of like how I can feel at ease and peace that I'm getting to
All of you so just know that I love each and every one of you and if I have overlooked it
It is not intentional. I really really like if you tell me that I've skipped over it
I'm gonna feel like horrible
so if you need me to respond like let me know because I
Want to respond to you all matter to me y'all are important to me. I
Like I just I'm so blessed being able to walk this journey with you all
And having gone through this program myself and then having been here for five years
I definitely
Know the value of what it's like to have that community
And so that's why it's very very special to me because this community has been special. Um,
So, yeah, that's about it for the housekeeping
and stuff. But today we are going to go through the being
camera ready for dating online. Okay. And so it's going to be
that coming. Okay, first thing, first things first, coming out
of hiding. All right. I know y'all had this in phase one, you
know, just coming on camera alone is that coming out of
hiding. It's allowing ourselves to be seen. Okay. Like it's,
it's your debut. All right. And so we want you, you know, this
is a safe community. We're here to encourage you lift you up,
walk, whatever journey you are on with you. And so, but ways
that we do that is being able to see each other. And so that's
always really important. If you can't, don't worry. I know this
time of day is like work day, like work time. So some people
can't get on and be on camera. And I get that. So I just
applaud you for even coming and just listening in when you can't
be on camera. Okay, but if you can, those of you know who you
are, you can get on camera, please do. And that's how we
build connection as well. So coming out of hiding and your
heart posture when it comes to camera ready and being ready for
online dating. It's time to date in real life. That's why it's
important to be visible. Okay, you ladies want a husband,
guess what, you're gonna have to be in front of them. Right. And
so that's important. And I know for for a lot of us, and I know
this was for me as well is, you know, sometimes that is just
being seen was stuff I had to do hard work on my identity, how I
looked how I felt how I felt on the outside versus how I was on
the inside. That was all part of the process. It was all part
of the hard work process. Just reminder, video calls are great
for first impressions. If you were on earlier before I think I
hit record. I said it's great, especially if you're long
distance and it that way y'all aren't like driving long time to
see each other and then get there and you're just like you
are not who I thought you were. Or they look 20 years younger or
20 years older than their photo, like whatever that looks
like, you know, like, sometimes that happens. You're like, you
look like photos. And so it gives you just a little bit of a
it calms the nerves, if you will, like I loved even if they
were fairly close to me, I love jumping on a video call. Because
I at least got it was a way for me to kind of remove some of my
butterflies because I've seen them face to face. And they've
seen me, like who I'm showing up on camera is who you're going to
get when you see me live. Okay. Now, obviously, I'm not no
makeup, no hair. Obviously, we're going to show you camera
ready. I'm gonna do my best to do that while I'm on this call.
But again, and sometimes it's not about it's not even about
how we look, it's also how we present ourselves. Okay, it's
not just an exterior, it's also the interior and how we show up
when we're communicating with people. And so I want that to
resonate with you and let that kind of marinate with you as
well. Because what's on the inside is going to show on the
outside. Like the heart work does matter. Okay, and this
actually brings me I jotted some notes down here for myself,
because I didn't want to forget this. That heart work matters.
If you haven't watched Supernatural Saturday, Jackie
touched on this, and it really spoke to me. She mentioned
something about, you know, God gives us these promises to
birth. And for any of us that have had children have, you
know, given birth to, you know, little babies, you know, when
your labor comes, there's no stopping it. Y'all like my
birth story for my youngest, who's my biological. I remember
like, I was like, I, I've got to, I've got to push. And my
midwife wasn't wasn't there yet was just a nurse. And she's
like, Oh, no, like, we have to wait till your till the
midwife gets up here until you could start pushing. And I'm
like, no, like, no, like, I got Sarah, she'll get that. She's
like, yeah, there's no, you don't wait. And so I'm sitting
there like
My epidural did not work, okay?
So I had been vomiting the whole time I was laboring.
And so I'm sitting here just like,
you gotta be kidding me.
Like, I can feel all of this.
I can't move my legs.
I have an epidural that's not working,
but I can't move my legs.
I can feel like I need to push.
And there's, I mean, like I said,
my epidural didn't work, so there was pain.
Like, I had back labor.
My lovely son was like, that flips the right way.
And I'm like, oh my word.
He's pinching nerves.
So epidural wasn't getting to the places
it needed to get to, so I couldn't feel the pain.
So she's like, this nurse is telling me,
no, you have to wait for your midwife.
And I'm like, no, I've gotta push.
And she's like, okay, okay.
She's like, okay, honey.
We'll do a couple of practice pushes.
Okay, are you practicing?
Cause I'm not, we're going.
So I pushed.
I mean, now luckily, you know, he didn't come right away.
I mean, it only took me about 10 minutes and he was there,
but luckily by then the midwife was there.
But I'm like, there's practice.
Like, this is my first time.
I don't even know what practice looks like.
I know what my body is telling me it needs to do
and it's doing it.
So it's game time, it's go.
Like, we're on a go.
So I love it when Jackie shared that
because, you know, when the labor comes,
when the promise comes, there's no like,
oh, hold on, let me just, let me keep you up there.
Let me just keep that promise from coming.
And then it really is about this preparation.
And so what it reminded me of is that, you know,
especially for, you know,
y'all are here for the marriage, right?
That's a promise that God has for you.
Okay, and God's giving you more promises than just marriage.
Okay, so whatever promise God is literally
putting on your heart right now,
some of you, most of you will probably be marriage,
but I know that there's a lot of you
that have other promises that God is working in you.
I know, again, I'm married now.
God's got other promises in my life.
And so that supernatural Saturday really spoke to me
in so many different ways as well
about the promises that he's got for me as well.
But that heartwork piece is really important.
Okay, even now as a married person,
I still have heartwork that I'm having to work through.
And so I'm saying that because ladies,
you're right now in this single season
where you have this promise of marriage.
And I know there's times that it's,
you're gonna feel hopeless.
Y'all, I was there.
So if any of you are feeling hopeless
about this marriage thing,
I know we've got a few sisters here in phase two
that are just feeling like,
like I gotta lay it down.
I get it.
I was there too, many times.
Okay, but I do wanna encourage you
that that promise is there.
But because that's there,
I wanna really emphasize that,
that heartwork is super important
because when the promise comes of marriage,
the heartwork is gonna come
whether or not you've done it or not.
It's gonna show up.
It will.
And so whatever it is that God is prompting you,
and I really felt this strongly on Supernatural Saturday
because I know we have,
I just had so many of you ladies in phase two
on my heart that I know that there's some other heartwork
that still needs to be done,
that there's some areas that there's a little bit of like,
why isn't this working?
Why isn't this working?
It's because there's some other stuff
that the Lord is saying,
hey, you can't keep pushing this off.
You can't.
It's gonna come up
and it's gonna be good for you to do it now
rather than when the promise is here.
And I say that from my own testimony, okay?
There's a lot of stuff that I did prior
and I'm so thankful.
There were a couple of things that I waited
and I'm having to work through it now.
And when you have a husband and kids,
and it can feel heavy.
And Jackie talks in Supernatural Saturday
that sometimes those promises,
if it's not on a sturdy foundation,
you can't put that heavier weight on a foundation
that's cracked.
And so heartwork really, really is that foundational piece.
Okay, so, heart work does matter because what's on the inside is going to show on the outside.
But what I want to encourage you with, okay, because this is not going to be a Debbie Downer
session, okay, is you don't have to be fully healed to date.
You don't.
You really don't.
And I know that sounds like, but Carla, you said I need to do heart work and da-da-da-da,
it's going to show up, but yes, it all works together, okay?
You got to work on your heart work as you're walking through life.
So don't think, oh, I can't date yet because I'm not fully healed.
There might be times where you're like, I'm going to put pause, I'm going to put things
on pause right now, and that's okay.
That's totally okay too, but healed and healing hearts are very, very attractive.
They are.
Like if you ladies haven't gotten to dating yet, just buckle up because dating is going
to be different now that you've gotten some healing under your belt.
You're going to notice some changes.
If you're open-minded to how this could look differently and how you've changed and how
you've healed, you're going to be very surprised.
It's all about the perspective that we look at it at.
Doesn't mean that you're not going to have moments where you're like, oh, like I'm discouraged
on this, on that.
Y'all, I've been there.
There were times I'm like, this isn't working.
Okay.
So just know there is an ebb and flow of that, but if that's where you're at right now, you're
kind of in that valley a little bit, don't stay stuck there.
And I want to encourage you, you're not going to stay stuck there.
I had moments of like that and you'll, you'll get yourself out of it.
This community will help you.
Okay.
So yes, your heart is your most attractive feature.
So definitely make sure that that is something that you are focused on.
So you're coming out of hiding.
It is really about having that open healed heart, still being open to what God wants
to heal in the dating process.
Okay.
Camera confidence is the second thing I'm going to talk about.
So just remember online dating is just a tool.
It's not a test.
Again, your goal isn't just to impress.
Okay.
We want people to see us in our good light, but that's not the focus.
It really is to be showing up in your authentic self.
And again, when you're doing heartwork, you are going to start showing up more in your
authentic self.
And it, I always love reminding you ladies that this is not about finding a husband.
It's just about discovery dating.
The dating process really is part of the healing process.
It is a, it's about the get to know yourself process.
So when you kind of remove the pressure of, I've got to get this guy to look at me like
a wife, or I'm looking to see if this guy's a husband, that is just going to put so much
pressure on you.
And again, we don't want more weight on foundations that can't hold those foundations.
Okay.
We want to work on the foundation.
So whatever weight does get put on, we have the ability to hold, hold it up.
And that comes with God, like God that's partnering with the Lord.
So you're already worthy of it.
Okay.
You're fearfully, wonderfully made, you know, speak that over yourself, remind yourself
of that.
I know this process for me in the whole dating piece, like it took me a year because I really
had to focus on my identity and like who God saw me as.
And so that is so important.
And so if that's you and you're like, I just sometimes don't feel like I have the confidence
and I, you know, there's hard work around that.
And you have sisters here that, that are going through it, have been through it, and we're
here to help you.
Okay.
The right man is going to love you for you.
He will y'all like, you see me all like not camera ready at all today.
My husband sees like, sees me like this on the daily.
It wasn't always.
this way when I first started dating. But you know what? One of the things that he asked me
early on is I was not feeling well when we first were introduced. And, um, he asked me for a
picture before we met in person when I wasn't feeling well. Cause I like, I had like raspy
voice. It was like super congested. And I was just like, it was a mess. I'd sinus stuff. And
he's like, send me a picture. And I'm like, what? I don't, I've never met you in person.
And you want me to send you a picture of me looking like death on doors on like the doorstep
here. I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. Like, but God was like, you know what? It's okay.
And so I did, I literally just like did a selfie and no makeup. I had my glasses on.
My hair was looking worse than this. I mean, it was probably even more greasy than it is now.
Um, and that was like one of his favorite photos of me,
like men who true, like authentic, like men that are wanting wives, like they want an authentic
wife. They do. You talk to most of these married men, like they're going to sit there and be like,
no, I don't want the, the supermodel that's like in the photo. Like that's just not
always attainable. Like, cause I'll be honest, a guy that has a woman that has, I mean, he's
going to have to do a lot too. And some men are just like, they want to be loved for who they are
too. So it really is not always about the exterior. Yes. My husband does appreciate when
I get myself dolled up, but that's not why he loves me. It really isn't. So keep that in mind.
Your, your husband is going to love you, not just your exterior. It's not about perfection,
but one thing that Jackie said on supernatural Saturday, it's about readiness.
It's about being ready. It's not about perfection. We're never going to be perfect.
We always got stuff that we've got to work on and your husbands are not going to be perfect either.
Ladies, they are going to have things that they're going to need to work on. And as ladies
like to always, you know, show that, Oh, honey, my husband will be like, babe, I'm not, I'm not
here. You're not my, you're not here to fix me all the time. Like I have to sometimes like he's,
he's like, babe, I'm not one of your people. You're coaching. I'm like, fair enough, honey.
Okay. So, but if you are struggling with, you know, camera confidence and, you know,
just know that you're not alone. This community is a safe place for you to feel supported.
And it's, it's probably just an area of heartwork that we're, we're going to want
to help you navigate. Okay. Okay. Now to the like detailed stuff,
essentials for camera ready, your background, simple, clean, peaceful. Okay. I wouldn't,
I wouldn't even say like, mine's not, I mean, cause mine's in the corner of my living room,
kind of like comfy chair. So this is kind of just where I have things set up. So it's not even like
perfect, but it is simple. There's not a lot of distractions. So that's, you don't want
distractions. You don't want a lot of movement behind you. Okay. Like Nancy, I love Nancy's,
and as long as she doesn't have people in her house that are going to be walking across behind
her, she good. Cause it's simple. There's not movement back there. Okay. I got Carrie. She's
got her just, she's playing wall background. That's good too. Same thing with Michelle.
She's just got that. I love Sarah. So I love share shell. She's just, she's got her,
she's got like one of those background things. So it like literally just puts a background up
for her. That always looks nice too. It's got this beautiful sky. Gail's is good too. Cause
she's in her chair. It's simple. There's not a lot of movement there. Christina,
she's got the golden gate bridge behind her girl. Do you live in San Francisco?
No. Okay. I know we have a lady in phase two that lives in San Francisco. And I was like,
there's a girl here that lives in San Francisco. So definitely check it out. I love that. My
husband and I went there for our one year anniversary. We went to Napa and we flew
into San Francisco. And so one of my, one of my big things was like, I want to drive
on the golden gate bridge. And so like, that was like,
like a highlight for me, so I love that background.
So yeah, those, so just simple, simple background.
Kathy, I know you're just on our call,
but if you're ever doing a video date,
I would make it more plain for you, okay?
And again, you probably have yours on the phone too.
I would even set your phone somewhere
where it's not being moved around.
You don't want your camera moving around a lot.
But again, we're just on our call here,
so don't stress about it, okay?
So again, if you ladies are on right now.
What's that, Kathy?
Are you talking about my background?
Yes, yes.
I definitely would not be doing that
if there's guys in the room.
Okay, you're good.
Well, that's what I figured.
I figured you're on this call right now for our session.
It wouldn't be like,
hey, camera ready for a video date sort of thing, okay?
So that's totally fine.
Yeah, and Renee talks about having lighting
in front of you, not behind you.
Yeah, and that's the next thing I was gonna go into.
So that lighting,
you want the lighting coming onto your face,
not behind you.
So if you all are on, you look at Kathy.
She's got the lighting behind her.
And again, for our call here,
I don't stress about that stuff.
But you can see how it's really difficult.
Her face is darker.
You can't really see her.
As she moves around,
you see when that light is not directly behind her,
it will lighten up her face more.
Natural light is really good
as long as it's in front of you.
You don't want the natural light behind you.
Any lighting should be in front of you, not behind you.
Is there time for questions after?
Yes, yes, absolutely.
So yeah, the natural windows, the lights,
if you can be in a well-lit room,
windows, natural light is always gonna be better.
That's not always doable.
So again, you want a room that has some good lighting.
Then your lights and lamps being kind of at light level.
A lot of people get those ring lights
and put those in front of them as well.
Be careful with that though,
because sometimes that reflection,
I will wear glasses at times.
And if you have light in front of you
and you don't have the reflect,
there's certain lenses that will not allow you
to see the reflective light on your glasses.
Mine don't.
I think it costs extra money.
I'm very frugal and things like that.
So I'm like, I don't need to worry about that.
So be very careful with where the lighting is
if you are wearing glasses,
because that will reflect.
So I'm trying to see who has glasses.
So Sonia has glasses.
I don't see a lot of reflection on hers.
Kathy, she's got glasses on.
I don't see reflection on hers.
Kathy, I'm gonna mute you real quick
just so we don't get any background noise.
You're good.
Nancy, she's got her glasses on.
I see a little bit of reflection,
but she does have light on her face.
So that's good.
Michelle, she's got her glasses on.
I'm having a hard time seeing her eyes
because it looks like you do have
some sort of lamp right in front.
You don't have to take them off,
but again, if you need to wear your glasses, that's fine.
But when you're positioning, again,
this is for when you are,
if you're gonna do a video date,
just be mindful of those types of things, okay?
Y'all don't have to fix everything right this moment, okay?
I'm just giving y'all some examples.
Elisa, she's got glasses on too,
and I don't see reflection on hers.
She's got the light behind her though.
But again, those are things that you'll,
that's good.
See how she's kind of blocking the light.
So if that's just where her computer says
she's gonna block the light,
she can always either close the blinds, whatever, okay?
That will help you, okay?
So that's the lighting piece.
Your camera placement is gonna be huge.
You want things at eye level or slightly above, okay?
Does anybody know why we want the camera
slightly above or at eye level?
What happens if the camera is below eye level?
Does anybody know?
What happened?
Oh, my chat is like not scrolling.
I'm not seeing all your comments.
Goodness.
They're looking at your nose.
Yeah, you're looking, yep, you're looking up your nose
for sure.
Sorry, I'm still trying to scroll through.
We look better, yep.
You will definitely look way better
if the camera's coming from above or.
eye level. If it comes from below, I always, yeah, we don't want to look up the nostrils.
It's also, you can get, like, it can make you look like you got the double chin, ladies.
Have you ever, like, when you see people take selfies, you always see them kind of always,
like, this way? Because it will thin you out. You come down and you do your camera this way,
they get that part of your neck. Yes. Yes, Gail. Do that again. Y'all watch Gail. She's showing us.
See? It, like, stretches. Now, on a video date, you're not going to sit there and look, like,
have it all stretched out like that. But we're getting to see, like, the big contrast there.
All right? Where if it's, like, below, let's see if I can do this. I'm going to see.
Like, one, you're all seeing up my nostrils. You're seeing all of this. Like, that's just
not attractive, ladies. Like, we want it more eye level or looking down. Okay? So,
just keep that in mind. I see, Carrie, you're kind of messing with your camera now, too.
So, you got to play around with that. Definitely play around with that when you, like,
before you jump on a video call. Okay? Kind of get it set up. Way back in the day, the very
beginning of last year's single, we were a much, much smaller community. Jackie did this with us
once. And we had, like, a whole couple hours where we were just, like, playing around with
our cameras and our hair and our makeup. And, like, it was interesting. Like, we did all the
things. Okay? So, we, you know, helped each other. Like, oh, that's a good angle for you.
Like, Karen, that's a really good angle. Keep that there. That's where your camera needs to be.
Or, hey, you know, Michelle, your hair looks perfect that way. Like, oh, here, flip some of
your hair this way. Like, we were doing that with all the ladies. So, you know, that's what
this community is for. So, love that you're asking what are you using. So, that is not my phone. I'm
on my computer. I do a lot of my work on the computer. So, if you're asking. But if you are
using your phone for video calls, they have little camera stands for your phones. They'll have phone
stands that will literally sit on a desktop. Okay? Yes, Kathy, a guy, she said she saw on a profile
he took a picture of himself and he had the camera probably low and she could literally see
up his nose. Like, it's all pretty. So, and we're going to extend grace to those men because most
of them are probably not in a community like this where they get that. And then, okay, so,
yeah, no shaky camera. You want your head and your shoulders visible. Okay? I would even say,
kind of even refrain from showing, like, further down. Like, I've even noticed, like, if I go
even further up like this, like, I don't need them seeing all of that. Like, they don't need to see
all of this area. Okay? Just here up. All right? All right? We don't want boobie shots. Okay?
Definitely don't want that. All right? That's not the first impressions. Those aren't the type of
men you're going to want to attract, ladies. Okay? It really isn't. All right? And I'm sure some of
you that have been online dating already have come across some of those types of men and those
are the ones that we bless and block. We don't have to get offended by them. We just bless and
block them. Boy, bye. I'm going to pray for you. But I don't even have to tell you I'm praying for
you. It's not my job to minister to these men. Okay? Keep that in mind. You don't have to tell
them what they've done wrong, what they need to do differently. You just, you know, send them on
their way. Say, here you go. We bless you. Don't come through my screen or my door or anywhere near
me again. Okay? All right. And then last thing is your outfit, your presence. Obviously, I'm not
feeling great. So, I've got my hoodie on. I wouldn't suggest this 100%. Now, I'm going to show
real quick just a few things with your outfit, your presence, makeup, the hair, all that good stuff.
Wear something that's comfortable and modest and it's camera-friendly, okay?
Colors.
Colors are good.
Know what colors are good on your skin tone.
For me, it was a lot of blue-greens and blue.
Red is another one that I've been told looks good on me as well.
It's just a pop of color.
Colors are good, okay?
Sometimes it's a little difficult in this wintry season because things are more neutral.
Yeah, I agree.
I think a lot of men really like red.
It's actually my youngest's favorite color.
I always thought he was going to love blue like I did, and when he got old enough to
talk about his favorite color, he said red, and I was like, what?
I thought you would like blue like your mom, and he didn't, but he's a boy and he likes
red.
Your makeup, natural, polished, ladies, I want to show you lip color and mascara will
go a long way.
Again, you all see, I'm not my best, all right?
This is one of my really bold lip colors.
I don't wear it often, okay?
If you see me in person with it, it's really bright, but when you put it on camera, y'all,
I'm going to see if I can do this with just my computer camera here.
I might have to get my phone out, or I'm going to look like a four-year-old playing with
their mom's makeup.
Do you see how much that changed?
Like I could probably just go with this, and it looks like I literally got myself ready,
so even just a bold lip color will go a long way.
Get that red lip for the camera, yes.
They love the red lipstick.
I mean, it's nice.
If you're going to do a video date, get that red lip, okay?
And then I usually, honestly, I just use my old school eyelash curler.
I used to wear fake lashes, and then just a mascara, and put that on, and then I'll
paint on, not paint, I'll pencil in my eyebrows as well.
And so that alone will do a lot.
For hair, you want to keep your hair kind of out of your face, okay?
Now, mine's all super gross and greasy.
You don't want the hair in your face.
You want it kind of off your shoulder, okay?
I usually would like curl my hair, just hit it with, like I have a straightening iron,
but I use my straightening iron to kind of put some waves in my hair at times.
Lip gloss with a tint would be good.
I would make sure that your lip gloss is a, if it's a tint, make sure it's a bright tint,
especially on camera, okay?
You really want something that's going to pop, okay?
Hair out of the face, I usually curl mine a little bit or something, just kind of, you
know, you got to be mindful of that.
Like I have even, again, I used to curl, I would curl my hair often when it's like greasy
like this, which was my plan today.
I wasn't going to wash my hair today because I was just going to curl it for you ladies
until I woke up feeling pretty nasty.
But I use dry shampoo.
So you ladies that like, yeah, I see Christina saying, yeah, it's probably like a staple,
right?
Us girls that have like the stick straight hair, like the thin, like, I mean, I got a
lot of hair, but it's very fine.
And I, I literally go through this all the time.
Like it's definitely my must have hair product because it just sucks up all that grease and
it, you know, makes it all better.
So yeah, so just keep that in mind.
Yep.
Living proof is my favorite.
I like it because where did I put it?
It's, it's just the perfect hair day.
It's just the dry shampoo.
I don't know if it's flipped backwards, but yeah, living proof and you just spray it.
It, it has a, it definitely has a very fragrant-y smell, which I try not to do a lot of fragrances.
But when it comes to some of my hair products and my makeup products, that's one area where
I'm like, I can't do things as natural now.
Like my...
You know, stuff I clean with and all that kind of stuff is a little more non-toxic.
But when it comes to hair stuff, I'm like, that's just, I have not found a very non-toxic
thing that works for me.
So all right.
That's about it.
We're going to take questions.
We've got probably like a good 40 minutes here to go through those.
I know Gail had posted her question, so I want to make sure I get to that.
As for the activation, this week, we do typically do an activation that I love for this week.
And so we'll post that as well.
But I really do want you ladies listening to Supernatural Saturday and work on that
activation that Jackie gives.
And so that one is where she asks us, what have you not finished?
What in life still feels very chaotic?
Like she used the example of how many of us have like those browser, like on our phones,
like we have to literally like we have every single app and browser up on our phone or
on our screens.
Like we have all the little tabs, like it's being able to like, what can we clear out
to make room for what God's promised us?
Yeah.
48 open.
Yeah.
I'm the same way.
I have so many open all the time, all the time.
But in life, what is it that you haven't finished?
And so I want you ladies to be thinking about that.
What nesting needs to be done?
Okay.
She talks a little bit about that.
So if you don't know what I'm talking about, definitely go and listen.
All right.
I really want you to focus on that.
And we will still put up the one where it's reflecting the inner healing that you've done
on the outside.
And this is this is one of my favorites.
We do it for this, this session.
It's, you know, what's a new way that you can care for yourself and express yourself,
whether it's, you know, trying a new lip color and sharing it with us, go buying a cute outfit.
You know, maybe it's even just going to the thrift shop and buying something new to you.
Okay.
Maybe it's, you know, stepping into that, stepping into the bride that God has called
you to be.
You know, this is the one activation that I often tell ladies, you know, go try on the
wedding dress.
Go get yourself a, a, you know, cute pair of earrings.
Go buy your wedding shoes if you want to.
Okay.
I bought my wedding dress before I ever met my husband.
I was actually in this community.
We were on retreat.
I bought my wedding dress in 2021.
I didn't meet my husband until the end of 2022.
We got married in 2023.
Yes.
Mackenzie go, go try on some wedding dresses for sure.
Yes.
I love that girl.
That's so you don't need shoes if you get married on the beach.
Yes.
My husband wanted a beach wedding.
I lived in Florida.
I thought I always would, and I ended up not doing it, but I don't know why I didn't because
I also do not like wearing shoes.
I did wear sandals on my wedding, right?
Like blingy sandals, but there shall, if I renew my vows and I, my husband, I've actually
talked about doing this, of getting to still do a beach wedding, we would do like a vow
renewal thing and like go somewhere tropical and have like a wedding on the beach.
Like he's wanted, I'm going to go barefoot, but that's inspiring to me.
So thank you.
So yeah.
Do those things.
Like engagement rings, like again, so it could be something as, as big as that.
Like, Hey, I'm going to step into my bride.
You're going to look for your wedding songs or it's, you know what, I'm going to just
step into getting something, you know, changing my hairdo, you know, maybe getting highlights.
Maybe it's trying the new lip color, trying a new eye color, trying on a new shirt that
is a color that you've never worn before, whatever that is.
I want you ladies to express that.
So we'll post that up in the app for you ladies to activate that.
But again, I do really, really want you ladies considering the activation.
Jackie had led with on Supernatural Saturday.
So definitely take a listen to that.
Okay, we got lots of questions.
Yes, Lovelette, I saw that,
the Do Not Disturb Bride Getting Ready door hanger yesterday.
I briefly saw that.
You got to spend time with one of the sisters in community.
I remember her when she was in phase two.
I actually got to see her when she came
to the five-year anniversary party in Austin.
So I'm so glad you've been able to connect with her.
That's exciting.
So, and use it for a one-on-one coaching
until I get back to Canada.
Okay, I'm not sure how that works.
I don't know if you would need to cancel
to do the one-on-one coaching.
If you just want to put dating on pause even,
you can put dating on pause.
That way you still get all the content.
It's totally up to you.
You decide whatever it is that you want to do.
And then if you want to share it with us later,
we can definitely talk it through with you
or you can post it and we can give you feedback there.
All right, we got lots of questions.
I'm going to jump to Gail's first
because she had hers in the app.
I saw that one.
Oh, there's no men in Panama.
There's just not any men.
It's all women, only women there.
Ladies, don't go to Panama.
No, that's good.
And then when you get back to Canada,
so yeah, if you're kind of traveling, I get that.
So yeah, just put dating on hold.
Work on other things that God is promising you.
Okay, so Gail posted under our reminder
of the call today, her question, she's off the apps
because she's got two guys that she's interested in now.
And so now she's like, oh, help me.
I got two guys.
They're great.
What do I do?
How do I pick one?
This is when it's like,
you don't have to rush through this, okay?
This is where, okay.
I love that you're putting the pause.
You're not allowing any more distractions coming in.
You got two guys.
One lives local, one lives an hour and a half away.
So I wanna hear about what are their green flags?
What are the yellow flags?
Let's see if we can, can you give me like one minute
on each, list their yellow flags and the green flags for one
and list the yellow and green flags
in one minute for the other.
Can we do that?
Yes, I can.
Off and running.
I have to say, I'll include both of them.
Green flags, lots of fruit of the spirit.
Absolutely pursuing me.
There's no doubt in my mind
that they want a relationship with me.
They want a long-term relationship.
How so?
How's that showing up?
Daily calls, the local guy for a while
was doing daily gifts, which they're going over the top
with, I just have, I've got flowers all over my house.
They're all over my counter.
I'm not even joking.
They don't really, candy, cookies, dates.
They're just very active in their pursuit of me.
Both of them have showed an intention
that they want a long-term relationship with me.
They are exclusive on their side.
They both know that I am dating,
well, I pulled off the app and I had four guys
and one of them got, found out I was,
I spilled it, I'm dating other people.
And one guy said, no, I'm not competing, dropped out.
The other guy, I had to, he said, are you exclusive?
I said, no, I'm not.
I don't know anybody well enough.
And I said, and he kind of dropped back.
I had seven, eight dates with him.
He kind of dropped back, which is okay
because I really was having a difficult time
telling him to get lost.
He was a nice, nice guy.
It's just, I wasn't attracted to him.
We were in different stages.
So the guy that's local-
These two guys, they're intentional.
That's great.
Okay, so those are the green flags.
Very, they're very, they're pursuing, actively pursuing.
I have, I was sick and they saw me, you know, in the reel
and I got honey in my mailbox.
I got gift certificates for cough syrup.
I mean, it just kind of intense, intense.
And so they know I'm seeing another guy.
I just, okay, the yellow flags.
The guy closest to me, there's no red, the guy closest to me, he lived a mile and a half
from where I grew up most of my adult life and we know, it's like going back home, we
know most of the same people.
He lived in my neighborhood and I never met him, so a lot of similarities.
The problem being with him, the yellow flag with him is he's widowed six years, he and
the family are still mourning his wife, he's ready to move on.
His family, particularly his daughter and close friends, daughter's son and close friends,
grandson and close friends, when they saw that he was dating me, they've all called
him and said, oh, she may be a gold digger.
There's a lot of resistance on his family.
I mean, he actually calls me Juliet because he says, I feel like we're in Romeo and Juliet
because he's struggling with his family not wanting to move on.
He doesn't care, he's choosing me, that's what he says, but he does care, but he doesn't.
So that's the yellow flag on him.
And then the guy an hour and a half away, I've known him less, driving the full time
to meet me, wanting to take me, I mean, took me out to a relatively expensive date, has
told me point blank after meeting me that he is extremely attracted to me and he doesn't
care, he's going to continue to pursue me and just hopes he wins.
He sees us as life partners, I mean, I'm talking, we've talked, both these guys, I'm
like going hoarse because we talk at length, I know I break the rules with them, on the
phone every day, maybe twice a day, constant texting.
The yellow flag with him is, he said, he's on the Christian realm.
I backed off and like grilling all the men, which I knew we weren't supposed to about
their belief system.
He's not opposed to going to church, he will go to church, he wants to go to my church,
that's a nightmare.
I've got the local guy going to my church now, he followed me to my church.
This guy says he went to a Methodist church with his, he's divorced with his ex and he
believes in God, but I know he's not the same level.
I'm really, he said he would support me in every way, shape and form, he knows I'm in
a lot of volunteer work at church, so I'm just struggling.
I like them equally, I mean, both of them have, the first one that I've known the longest
has come right out and declared, he loves me, he loves me, over and over, and the other
one has not used the word, but he keeps saying, I care about you, I want you in my life, you
know, I told him about blessing and blocking a couple of times, halfheartedly, and he said
don't block me, please don't, I'll be your friend forever even, but don't block me.
So I'm like, I'm in a quandary, I mean, how long do you carry these men?
Okay, so a couple things, so he's been divorced, the long distance one, we're going to call
him long distance one, he's been divorced, does he have kids?
He has a son that lives near him, supportive of him.
Okay, and then how's his relationship with his former wife?
He says they ended on good terms, she lives in another state somewhere, so no contact,
he said that they talk as friends occasionally about their son and stuff, all kids are grown
up.
Yeah, I mean, and that's what I was going to say, that's probably like, again, I'm just
trying to feel that out, because again, you had the other one who's got family that's
not quite moved on.
I'm guessing like his kids, now I'm talking about local guy, I'm guessing his kids, it
was their mother that passed away?
Yes.
Okay, so yeah, so they're still mourning that as well.
Okay.
Six years ago.
Yeah.
Do you know how she passed?
At home with cancer, local guy number one, he still talks about her and cries.
But he said he needs to move on and she would want him, actually the dating app that I met
him on, his wife, before she passed, put his profile on her phone and told, and he left
it for him to find someone else.
That's how I met him.
Okay, have this is where Okay, so because you're this is like
level two, like level two for both of them. Right? And you're
getting into those later stages of level two relationships. Have
you clearly with the local guy, he's going to your church, so
he sees you in his community. Do you see him in in, in his
community? Like, do you spend time at all with family or
friends of his? I met he took me around. I loved it. He took
me on his he plowing job. He has heavy equipment. And I love to
plow. So long story short, we're on a plowing date. And he took
me around to his local family and introduce me. And they seem
to get along with me fine. And I got along with them. The problem
is I don't swear. So now you're talking this guy. He comes from
a rough background. His family is as not Christian. And they
don't like number one. They don't like the changes he's
making of telling them you know, not swearing. Going to church.
It's foreign to his family. Okay. They might think he's in
a cult family. It's not so much. It's not so much him. It's more
so the family. Right? Yeah. Now, do you see the other guy in
his community? Do you know? No, I don't. I haven't. I haven't. He
wanted me to come to his house and stuff. But I said, you know,
I don't do houses back and forth. Although the guy number
one I've known longest I've been to his house several times and
he's come to mind. Okay. The long distance guy does he have
other people that he like does life with like, well, the
strange part is, this is really his next door neighbor is
related to my first husband's wife. So he he knows about my
first husband. And we've had a couple of commonalities even
though he's an hour and a half away. He's in. So his come No,
I have not been in his community. Okay, I've been in
community outside of his community, you know, to see his
responses at restaurants and stuff like that.
Time like just kind of seeing what his world is like having
him in your like that kind of thing. Again, this is gonna be
tricky because you have a local guy that's kind of at your
church. I this is ladies you think this is a good problem to
have you want to know tricky I went to the movies with this I
went to the movies with the local guy. And my ex husband was
in the same theater, two seats back across the aisle.
Girl. Yeah, so this one again, you're it's, it's, it's going to
take some time. I think the first thing that comes to mind
is scaling back a little bit. You're spending a lot of time
with each of them. And that's probably why it's getting really
confusing. Okay. I definitely keep an eye on the yellow flag
with the family of the one that's widowed. That sounds
like you get in relationship with that, like you're gonna
have, you're gonna have family stuff that will cause friction.
Okay. And that's, that's just, you know, sometimes that
happens. The other guy, I would like to see you get to know more
of the people in his community to get to know him better. Okay.
I think spend some time with him in his world. To see how he
shows up authentically because you're not in his world every
day. Y'all are talking every day, but you're not seeing what
life looks like with him. Okay. Getting around his what his
daily life is like, going like, what is he? What grocery stores
does he visit? Does he, is there, you know, activities that
he does people that he spends time with? Is he just, does he
sit and spend time with his neighbor? Does you know, every
day have like, you know, five o'clock they have like iced tea
or whatever, like hang out together. Like, what does that
look like? And spend time in his world. You spent some time in the
other
I want you to spend some time in long distance guys world and really see what that looks
like.
Try to just not spend so much time with both of them every single day.
Like allow yourself some space, leave some space for you.
I mean, and you can say that like, look, I, I need to spend time with me as well and kind
of see, and let's just, let's pace it slowly again.
I don't want you to feel like you're forced to have to make a decision right away.
And if you need to, if you need to put up a boundary, you can let them know, like I
need you to give me time.
And I need you to kind of not be so pursuant where it's like, it's a competition.
You could share that if that's what you're truly feeling, if it feels very much like
they're just competing against each other and that they're kind of going over the top
because they're competitive, you can share that, say, look, I need to see you in authentic
here and now, and I need to be able to show you who I am in my here and now, and we need
to, you know, slow it down a bit and spend time in each other's world.
Like make time for that, especially long distance guy.
Okay.
Yeah.
I like that.
Sarah shell.
That's, that's a good question too.
I'm glad that you mentioned that.
So Sarah's all saying like, you know, if the first man's, you know, wife knew like she
wanted him to date, wouldn't the kids have known that that was their mom's desire.
And so actually, yeah, actually, um, he, he went to them and told
them that if they create a problem, uh, in his relationship with me, that he's going
to have to step back because he did tell him that's what your mom would have wanted me
to do.
Even though you're struggling with it, she's not replacing your mom.
He already gave me that lecture and told them, you know, I'm just going to have to pull away
from you if you're going to interfere.
So I feel like these men are making major changes.
So long distance guy might want to join your group.
Yeah.
Let's, let's, let's just, let's just sit this weekend.
Like, let's just still kind of now that you know, myself and then Ebony can probably see
on the, on the app as well.
And I can fill her into, and we can kind of, let's spend some time and let's, let's see
how these guys show up this week.
Let's see what things that you can put into place and let's just see what God wants to
reveal a place in this.
Yeah.
Let's do that again.
I don't want us to rush.
I don't want you rushing into anything.
Okay.
Yeah.
But yeah, definitely keep us informed of what's happening.
I want to see you take some of the time that you spend chatting with them.
I want you posting in our app.
I need to.
Okay.
So that we can stay on board and we can know like what's, what's going on on the daily.
So we can kind of help navigate that for you as well.
Does that sound like a plan?
Okay.
The first guy I should be spending more time with in his community, he, he, I just dated
him yesterday and he wants to go on one Thursday.
But is that too soon or?
I think if you can like two or three, like two dates a week, it's probably good.
One to two dates a week.
Is that doable?
Yeah.
I'm retired.
Okay.
Unfortunately they are too.
That's surprising.
I'm still trying to even, I'm like, okay, this is, I'm having to take in consideration
like where y'all are at in your life that you do have more time.
And then where they're at in their relationships with their kids, it will look slightly different.
And so I want us to make sure that we're directing and guiding you in the best way possible.
Should I move to three or is that going to be way too confusing phase three?
You can stick around here for a little bit.
Yeah, that might, that might get really, so there's a lot more in that community.
And then this way, like we can help you navigate through this season right now with the two.
And then after we kind of get into that, then you can probably move over to phase three
for sure.
Okay.
Yeah.
Thank you.
But yeah, if you want to, if you want to stick it out for some more weeks here, that's totally
fine with us.
Okay.
Sound good?
Sounds good.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
You're so welcome.
All right.
Karen, you're up.
Yeah.
First, I just want to let you know I identify with what you're dealing with, and I'm praying
for you.
Thank you.
I just want to let you know.
I care.
I understand.
We need grace.
Grace?
Oh, that was Saturday, wasn't it?
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that first.
I realized in the last week I've been dealing with a lot of different things on different
levels, like physical, and then what to do with two men, and just some different things.
So I've been very much like I'm taking great care of myself first.
I've been doing that for years, and I have to keep on doing it.
So that's a foundation kind of thing.
I did post something, but somebody else posted a comment before you all saw it in the whatever
it's called.
Okay.
So myself and Ebony haven't gotten to it yet, then.
And that's okay.
That's okay.
It was only yesterday I put it.
Okay.
And I actually put a new post in to say, hey, this happened.
Okay.
Thank you.
I did that.
Yeah.
I haven't gone on today, but I was in for most of the day yesterday.
So you probably posted after I was already out, so that's good.
No problem.
Just good information.
The one thing I want to ask about is with one man in particular that I've been dealing
with, and basically after like about three and a half days, he texted something and just
writing referring to me as deer.
You know?
Okay.
I think I briefly saw that before I jumped on this call, and then he still responded
to you with deer.
That's it.
I know.
Did you respond back to him and just say, hey, that was not okay?
Yeah.
You know, I actually wrote something down to put it in to just check with you all, because
I like to be affirming and also firm.
You know?
Yeah.
You just have a good healthy boundary.
Yeah.
I knew.
It's like, hey, you're not hearing me, you know?
But what I wrote was, what was it?
Oh, thank you for letting me know what's happening with you.
Also, as much as I want to continue to get to know you better, I still feel uncomfortable
with you calling me deer instead of Karen, since we don't know each other well.
So I need for you to respect this limit in order for us to keep on getting to know each
other better.
Can that work for you?
Okay.
So I'm giving him a choice.
I would say, I feel like you already gave him a choice in the beginning by letting him,
you expressed already you didn't like that.
Right.
And I found in his response to that, did the very thing that you said you were uncomfortable
with.
Yeah.
I didn't like that.
I didn't like that either.
That's a, you didn't respect my boundary.
Absolutely.
If you feel comfortable saying it one more time and firmly, and if he doesn't respect
it, then that's when I would say it's a blessing, but so if he comes back and gets defensive,
my suggestion would be don't even respond to him.
That's when you block them.
Yeah.
What would him?
Yep.
And if he's going to get defensive about it, okay, absolutely.
If he's going to show up, he like apologetically, I am really sorry.
It sounds like you're willing to give grace and say, okay.
So I'm going to let you be the call of that 100%.
So if you, it sounds like you're good giving one more opportunity, which I love that.
I love that ladies.
I love it.
I love it when you are good with giving the grace, but I don't want you ladies giving
grace where then you, you are not honoring your own boundaries.
Absolutely.
Karen.
I know she's, she, I know she's going to hold truth to her boundary.
Like she's, she's been in our face for a couple of weeks and I know like I have full confidence
that you are very much, you know, solid in who you are and that's not, that's not something
that I'm concerned with you at all.
So I would say, go for it.
Give him that one more opportunity, hard boundary.
And then if he's see how he responds and again, it's either, it's going to either, it's either
going to be like a, I'm really, I'm going to honor it or he's not.
If he's not, I wouldn't even give him a third chance.
I would.
Yeah.
My natural tendency.
Let him know.
You're like, thanks for letting me know.
And then block.
My natural tendency, if you all have helped me with this is to say goodbye too soon.
It was like, Oh, you did it.
All right.
Goodbye.
No.
So it's giving grace, but not extending it too much.
Yes.
it down before we give someone an opportunity to show up as themselves.
One of the things I've learned to do, I've been practicing for years is give people choices.
Yeah. And this time it's a choice with a consequence.
Yeah. Cause I'm saying, if you, if you want us to get, you know,
yeah, so that's, that's the main thing.
Jesus had boundaries ladies.
Oh yeah. So that's good. I'm good with that.
Awesome. Let us know how that goes.
Yeah, I will.
Yeah. Let us know. Awesome.
Um, is it the same as Southerners calling you?
Madam? Um, how, how do you know, how do you know I am a deer?
Yeah, exactly. So yeah. And that's, again, it's everybody's preferences too.
Like, um, for some reason guys will want to say, Hey babe, I'm like, I'm not your babe.
I don't know you. I mean, like my husband and I call each other, babe. Like that's,
that's a term of an endearment that I use with my husband. I'm not like,
if I'm on an app, you don't need to call me, babe.
Like I get it. Some, some guys would be like, Hey, beautiful.
Like, again, they're just giving you a compliment again, if it's,
and there's nothing wrong if you, if you're okay with it, that's okay.
Some of us women don't like that. Like I don't like being called babe.
Now, if a guy says, Hey, beautiful, I find that to be complimenting.
I don't feel that to be as forceful or stress is stressing. So again, it's all of
the lesson here is it's all about you ladies being able to communicate what you're comfortable
with and what you're not. That's the whole point of discovery dating. What are your boundaries?
What do you like? What do you not like? What, what do you communicate and how do you communicate?
How did they communicate? How did they show up? How do you respond to how they show up
when they respond? How do you respond? This is all the discovery process
that will help you in a relationship.
A guy that says you'd rather be cuddling with you instead of being at work.
Uh, I don't typically like that. If you've not met him in person, just be like,
Oh, like, and again, you can, you can be nice about it and say, Hey, appreciate, you know,
that I don't know. Again, you can just be saying, I, I understand what you mean. Um,
I'm not comfortable with that. I know in today's age of dating, that's,
that is how people show up, but that's just, that's not something that I find attractive.
Like I'm not attracted to the physical talk with someone I don't know.
And there's ways of being able to communicate and we can play around with some wording. If you want
to, if you want some wording on that, post that in the app and we can give you some wording on that
and type it out. So you can just copy and paste if you need to. That's what I like to do. Sometimes
I do that for, for ladies all the time. I'm like, they're like, Hey, I like how you said that. Can
you, can you help me out with that? Especially if I do like one-on-one calls, they're like, wait,
what was it that you just said? And I'll have them like, I'll like, we will literally build
out like what to say. Um, yeah. So you're looking to move at a slower pace. Yes, exactly. Love that
Carrie, like keeping it friendly. Absolutely. Love, love, love, like putting that boundary up.
And again, it doesn't have to be a forceful like sort of thing where you have to make them feel
uncomfortable and just be like, Hey, like, are you cool? If we move at a sort of place, I don't
necessarily want to talk about cuddling when I haven't met yet. Why don't we get to know each
other and let's, let's get a day on the calendar where we can actually see each other in person.
Sometimes that can be a good segue of how to get off the, the chatting back and forth and get them
to, you know, light a fire under them to say, okay, let's, let's meet in person. Let's do something
here. Okay. All right. I've got time for one more. And then, um, so Michelle, I'm going to take yours,
Kelly, Kim, and Sonia, if you guys can post in the app, um, Michelle, I'm going to take your
question. Can we be short, brief and powerful? So we stay on time. Um, I just want to say that
Karen has helped me so much because I've had one guy that calls me beautiful ever. I mean, all the
time. Um, my question is there's a gentleman that
lives like 100 miles away from me. Okay. And he has wanted to meet me. He came up here
on Friday to see his cousin. And I said, Well, why don't we do a coffee date? Okay. We never
got around to it because it was like 830 at night by the time that he contacted me.
And I said, you know, I have to walk late at night and that wouldn't be good. Okay,
good. I'm glad you stuck to your guns on that one. I love that. Um, so his question is,
if I came to meet you for coffee, is it just a coffee? Me? What if I want to spend two
hours with you before I drive 100 miles back home? And I came up with this suggestion like
we could meet at like Perkins for, you know, lunch. Yeah, have a lunch. What was his thought
on that? I have not told him because I have not had a chance. You know, this is the first
time I'm speaking with you. And you know, um, but he's the first guy that has been interested.
But God told me that he wasn't the person for me. Okay. How did God share that with
you? Um, I have this daily morning, like, I surrender to God and I pray. Then I asked,
you know, what is his vision for me? Like on marriage dating, it can be a number of
things. Um, and then I pray. So, you know, I don't know if it really was him. You know,
I'm taking it as a sign from him. Okay. Dating is totally new to me after like 15 years of
being married. Yeah. Have you been on any other dates prior to this gentleman? Okay.
So this is a new that, yeah, this is, you're stepping into some new territory here. It's a
little, it's a little unsettling, right? Yeah. That was very much me. I had, when I came into
this program, I hadn't dated in over like five years. I was like, that's why it took me so long
to call my first date. Cause I was like, I don't know if I want to do this. This is comfortable.
Um, and so I wouldn't, I wouldn't like, again, I'm not saying that God didn't say that he was
not your person. Do you feel at least comfortable with the whole discovery dating process? Are you
open to meeting this guy knowing that he's potentially not your person? Yes. Okay. Um,
so that's good. That's good. That shows me that you're like, Hey, I'm okay. That this guy is not
my person. I'm just wanting to get my feet wet here. And that's good. Okay. But what about like
him? Okay. So this is what you do. Okay. And it's funny that you mentioned this because it reminded
me of when my husband said something slightly similar and we still joke about it now. And
some of you ladies actually might remember me telling this story. So my husband and I,
I was living in Florida. He was living in Texas. I thought he lived in Florida.
And then he told me he lives in Texas. I'm like, well, my mentor, Jackie Dorman,
like told me I need to be opened to long distance. And so I was like, fine, we can,
we can get to know each other. So he traveled for work. His work office was in Florida,
which was an hour, like in Clearwater. And I was in Sarasota. So it's like an hour away.
And so he had to come on a work trip. And so he was going to be flying in. And so his question to
me was, well, if I come and, you know, meet you while I'm, you know, coming down for work,
I'm there for a weekend. Am I going to get to see you more than once?
So kind of similar to what this guy's saying, well, if I'm coming all this way,
am I going to get more time with you? Yeah. And it's funny because my response to him
and I had been in the, you know, I had been in this program now for two years.
for a little over two years at this point. So I had lots of
coaching, lots of, you know, women's, you know, experiences,
things of that nature, lots of Jackie in my ear. And my
response to him was, well, I don't know, I, I can we meet
first? Yeah, it was like, that's not a question that I can
answer, because I don't know how we're going to get along. Right.
And so I'm like, I want to meet you. I don't know. After we
spend an hour together, if, if I'm going to, if we're going to
want to spend any more time together. That's kind of how I
presented it to him. I'm like, um, well, I can't let you know
if you're going to see me more than once, because I haven't
met you. So let's meet first. And then we can decide if we
spend more time together. So you could even say that, like,
well, why don't we meet for coffee? And then if things are
going well, then maybe we could go to lunch. Or maybe we could
start off with lunch. And then after lunch, if we want to go,
you know, bowling or go to a farmer's market, whatever it is,
like if there's something in the area that you know, you could
suggest like, you can say, well, let's go do this. And if things
go well, and we enjoy each other's company, and we're
getting along, then we can go do something else. Okay, I want
to respect the fact that you are driving some way. I understand
that. Again, it was the same thing with my husband. My
husband was taking a flight. Now granted, he was working, but he
was having to take work off. Like, it was during his busy,
busy time of season. And he actually got reprimanded for
leaving work early, even though our dinner date, I think was at
like nine o'clock at night. He says it was eight. But I swear,
I was like, I think it was nine o'clock at night. I'm like,
I'm like, I'm in bed by nine o'clock. I have you. And so but
he got reprimanded. And I didn't know that until later, you know,
obviously, when we were dating, and then we, you know, get
married, and he's going through this season. He's like, Yeah, I
literally like, you don't get this time of season is like, I'm
working 14 hours a day. And so that's, that's how I would
present it. And then when I said that, like my husband, he didn't
at the moment, he didn't tell me this was what was going on in
his head. But like, after, like, we were exclusive, he and we
talked about our story. And like, when people asked us how
we met, he then told me, he's like, Yeah, when you said that
to me, his thought was, Oh, she's right. What if she's
crazy? He was like, maybe I don't what if she's crazy, I
don't necessarily want to see her another time. So he thought
it was funny. It was kind of a check for him when I was like,
uh, let's wait and see how our meeting goes. And we'll see what
happens from there. So does that help? Like, does that does that
give you? Yeah, it does navigate that. Okay.
The other thing is, and I know he's gonna ask because he is a
gentleman. Um, I don't drive. Okay, so I would have to take
an Uber there. Now, what if he asks, Well, can I take you home?
Um, I would say no. Okay. Thank you. But no, no, thank you.
Yeah, appreciate the offer. Once we've gotten to know each other
a little better than that would be an option. Or you can even
say until I'm in an exclusive relationship, I don't allow men
to drive me to my home. Okay. I mean, again, somewhat similar
thing happened to me that I had to use, you know, my husband
wanted to kiss me on the first date and I said no. Yeah. And
not until I'm in an exclusive relationship. You know, didn't
mean that I didn't want to I did I was a kissing bandit ladies. I
loved kissing, you know, but that was something that was very
important to me that I was not going to kiss anybody. And I
suggest and encourage that for all of you ladies. Don't don't
get physical, not even the kissing, not even just the
pecking until you're in exclusive level three where
you're just seeing that person. I really like I'm an advocate
for that. From someone who used to not do that. Then just
someone who did that. I'm telling you. It was really
important. So yeah, if he asked that because he's a gentleman
say thank you. I and you can say thank you so much for being
and being a gentleman and offering it. I really appreciate
that. I just have, you know, a standard that I go by for my own
well-being is I don't allow anyone that I'm not in an
exclusive relationship of an.
of the opposite sex to drive me home, unless there's someone that is a close friend of
mine, um, known for some time. Okay. And again, that's a boundary and how he responds will
show you a lot of how you move forward or if he gets defensive, if he criticizes, that's
the, that's a sign that that's it, that that's the first and only date you go on. Okay. Okay.
Thank you. I love, I love the idea of Uber because then you can even tell the Uber driver,
Hey, can you do some different loops around before getting to my house? Like again, ladies,
it's important to be smart with, with your dating too. And we, we talk about that, um,
in this phase a lot too, is ways to stay safe. We don't want you to be like in constant,
like I'm in danger mode, you know, remember you're, you're God defended you and yourself,
you know, you're not defended and God protected. We don't need to be self-defended and self-protected,
but we need to be smart too. Okay. We're not just going out there thinking, Oh God's going
to save me. But God gives us wisdom to not make some stupid choices too. Like it's not just God
just come in and swooping in and helping us. Like he helps us by giving us wisdom and discernment
to walk out what things we need to do. We just don't want to have these walls up to the point
that we're not allowing God to come in and help us as well. Okay. Ladies, thanks so much for
sticking it out with me. I appreciate you. Thank you for the grace. Since I'm not feeling 100%,
sorry to those I can get to please post your comments. At some point, I'm going to be able
to really get this coaching, this teaching with the visual stuff, um, moving much quicker. So
we were only going to be spending like 20 minutes on it. Um, I will say I did better than last time.
Last time, I think I took the whole entire time. So I'm proud of myself, but ladies have a wonderful
rest of your day and we will see you next week and I will be in the app responding. Okay. So thank
you so much, ladies. Have a wonderful day. Love you all.