WEBVTT

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there we go so yeah hopefully my unfortunate events here of not feeling 100% we're going

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to use that to impromptu show you what little bit we can do that will help us when we are

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doing video dates because those are important so especially if you're on the apps and especially

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you know if you especially when they're a little further away and you don't want to

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drive an hour you don't want them to drive an hour you drive an hour like you just sometimes

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it's nice to have that in person video chat first it kind of lessens the nerves and then

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it also lets you know like is this person serious about dating what what are they going

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to show you first first and foremost so all right seeing lots of you jump on again thank you so

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much and Nancy don't worry about not being camera ready I get it clearly for those of you're just

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jumping on I am NOT 100% I woke up not feeling good feeling pretty nauseous headache all the

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things which I'm sure is just a little little nudge for me to remember that I really do need

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to practice self-care I am definitely a helper a servant heart you know especially you all you

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you all are women you get it we kind of are just the ones that just take care of and do for the

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people that we care about and love and so if you've got kids which I've got three ages 10 14

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and 16 and so that you get stretched and then ladies just be prepared because when you get

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married then you're gonna be wife and you're a wife duties so and so yeah so it's just a good

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reminder for me that you know I need to slow down and I need to take care of myself so with

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that being said I really I'm curious just by show of hands how many of you got to listen to Jackie's

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supernatural Saturday good good good a lot of you did okay if you have not listened to supernatural

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Saturday please please please do I didn't get to go on live on Saturday my husband did towards

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the last end of it he's in that men's group now because we are doing the couple's heart work and

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so he's getting involved there but yeah so he was on but then we ended up listening together that

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next day and so it was really powerful it was really really good I'm gonna touch a little bit

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on that today during our session and so on and so forth okay so and Gail you sent a lady to the

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program and one of the gentlemen I'm talking oh that's awesome I love that you're trying to fill

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out the affiliate form and it asks for I couldn't get to find it on the app your ID um let me do

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some investigating with that because it's been a couple years since I set up my affiliate I know

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every start of the brand new year you get a different affiliate link because it has the year

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changes so every year so for those ladies that have the affiliate link if you fill it out last

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year you're not going to be able to use that same link you'll have a new link for 2026 okay for

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anybody that's that's used that which I'm you know there's been a few people that I've been able to

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refer to like for my church and things like that from some of the women that I am you know have

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run into just you know I'm a I'm a talker y'all know this those of you that I'll know I'm a talker

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and so I will just talk to complete strangers and so oftentimes I can share my affiliate link that

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way too and so it's you know it's it's a way to make a little extra cash which is nice you know

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then you can go get something cute for yourself you know so yeah definitely I'll follow up with

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that Gail just shoot me a reminder in the app so that way we can figure that out for you question

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does Jackie have a list of gifts and what they

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look like being overextended. I don't know if she does, but we can spend some time, um, kind of

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talking through that a little bit. I know, um, I know how my gifts get overextended.

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I mean, that's, that's the daily thing for me. I mean, especially again, my servant heart,

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like I often put myself on the back burner. I kind of neglect myself and kind of,

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you know, pour into everybody else. And then what will happen is I will want to extend my,

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my giftings and my help when people don't necessarily want them or they just want me

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to do it for them. And then I'm sitting here trying to operate in my own like flesh

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and not partnering with God and not allowing God to do his part. Like that's something God is

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really highlighted to me over the last month is, you know, I oftentimes will take on

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his responsibilities thinking that they're mine because I'm like, Oh, I have such a gifted

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discernment. I can see, you know, you know, how this is affecting this and this is what you can

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do. And I mean, I can sit there and micromanage my family, my kids, I mean, all of it. And then

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God's like, why are you doing my job? So I know how my gifts can get extended. So if you want to

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unpack that later if you think that your gifts are being overextended, we can definitely sort

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that out. Yeah. So your child was just like Jackie's yeah, for sure. I mean, I know one of

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my gifts of being discerning and the just prophetic, like just having some of the prophetic

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gifts. I'm realizing in my childhood, a lot of times I felt like I was being silenced. And so

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one of my things is not feeling heard, not being seen, not being heard, feeling ignored, feeling

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like people don't hear me misunderstand me a lot. And so then I kind of try to overcompensate,

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and then I just end up getting myself even more frustrated. And so that's kind of how that's shown

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up in my life, where then, because people don't understand me. So then I go and try just to do it

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all. I don't know if that helps you. But let me go ahead and pray for us and get us started. We've

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got lots of you ladies on there's 19 of us. That's awesome. So yeah, let's go ahead and pray.

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And then I'm going to touch on some housekeeping and then we'll get into our session.

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I hope that it will not take that long. I'm going to really, really move fast. So be prepared,

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be prepared as fast as I can in my not feeling great. If you can come on camera, please, please

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do. Again, I'm not feeling 100%. I currently have no makeup on that will change. I will put on a

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little makeup for you ladies to kind of show you here shortly. What little makeup goes a long way.

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It's kind of it's kind of how I'm doing this impromptu session today. And so and then we'll

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take your questions. I know Gail put a question up in the in the reminder that I just posted

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less than an hour ago. So that was good. I actually think we might do that. I will try to

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but I'll talk to Ebony and see if we can't post it early enough on Tuesday mornings,

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that if you are coming to a live and have a question, post your question there. So that if

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we don't get to it, we can always answer it. But then it kind of preps us going into the session,

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who's got questions, what are their questions, and hopefully it will, it'll allow us to get

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to more people. I'm hoping like you did that today. And that's the first thing that came to

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my mind. Okay. All right. We're 10 minutes in, I'm going to start praying so we can get get

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started. Okay. Heavenly Father, I just thank you for this time together. Lord, I just ask for your

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presence to be in the space with us, Lord. Lord, I just ask that you know, you use this time to

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to share what it is that you so desperately want your daughters to know. Lord, I just ask that you

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give us the grace and I thank you for that word that we are in a grace period right now, Lord,

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that you know, you you operate in so much grace and mercy for us. And so I love that this is that

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time in that season that this gets to be, we get to operate in that grace, not just in a season,

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but daily. And so Lord, I thank you for that. Lord, I ask again, just that you just be with us

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in this time together. I ask for any healing that needs to be done physically to take place, Lord.

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I'm sure I'm not the

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the only one feeling under the weather as we get 2026 started.

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So I just released that supernatural healing over this community, Lord,

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and not just the physical stuff, but also the heart healing as well. Lord,

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I just feel like you want your daughters to know that the heart healing,

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the heart work is the foundational piece. And so I do,

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I do thank you for the opportunities that you allow for us to come

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into this community and it to be a safe space for us to get the healing that you

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so desire for us. And that,

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that is that preparation for all the promises that you have

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given us, you know, not just the marriage promises, Lord,

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but all the promises that you have.

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Because our life is not just about marriage. It's about serving you.

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It's about doing, you know, kingdom work for you, Lord.

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And so, you know, yes,

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our marriages will be part of our contribution to the kingdom,

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but that's not the only thing you have for us. So, Lord,

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I just ask that you ignite these women with the fire, the passion,

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the breath that they need to step into each and every one of

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their seasons and the promises that you have given them and to,

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you know, help them push forward,

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to know what they need, to work on finishing and getting started,

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you know, whatever they pick, you know,

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whatever they picked up before and then they sat down, Lord,

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if you want them to pick that back up and move forward with that, Lord,

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I just, I ask that you just light that fire in their heart,

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Lord, and give them that reminder, that gentle, gentle reminder. So again,

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we thank you for this time together. And you,

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I ask that you bless our time together in Jesus name. Amen. All right.

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And Kathy, don't worry. You haven't combed your hair yet. No worries.

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Okay. My hair is not looking the greatest either.

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I just did. I did.

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I was in the bathroom.

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I love it. Good for you. All right. A couple of housekeeping things.

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First of all, do I have any new ladies to phase two?

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I've got a lot of you on. I'm quite new. Kathy. Yes, you are fairly new.

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Lisa. I don't know if I've read, like you've been here a little bit.

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Haven't you? I usually tend to the eight o'clock. Okay.

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That might say sometimes I'll go back and watch the replay. I just,

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I haven't seen you on my one o'clock, but I'm like,

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you do look slightly familiar. I'm like, awesome. So yeah,

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put your hand up if you're not on camera and you're brand new,

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I want to make sure that you feel welcomed and seen and loved.

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We are so happy you're here. If you are watching and replay,

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make sure that you introduce yourself in the app, in the group so that we,

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we know who you are. We get so many people coming in and out.

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So it's always good when we get some new,

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new faces in and we get to see you and and such.

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Okay. All right.

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I'm just seeing everybody else here. I've got Lovelette, Laura,

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Laura, Janice, Margaret here.

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Kim Bailey's here. Kathy, Sonia,

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Sershell, Lisa, Gail. Okay, perfect. Karen, Mackenzie.

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I think I forgot a few of you. Carrie, Callie, awesome. Kelly.

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Would we have two Kellys? Did I say Kelly twice? There's a lot of K's.

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There's a lot of us K names here today.

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Awesome. Awesome. All right, ladies. Okay, couple of housekeeping items.

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Remember if you are new to phase two, it's not mandatory that you're dating.

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Okay. Don't, don't rush into that if you just feel like you need to kind of set

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the pace. Some ladies like to deep dive. They like to just, you know,

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go cannonball into the pool. Some of us ladies,

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we like to just dip our toe in. Like we need to feel the water first.

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So we're going to go ahead and do that.

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We like to just dip our toe in. Like we need to feel the water first.

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Like we're just like, hold on a second. That was definitely me.

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I was one of those, one of those girls.

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It took me a little while when I joined the community to get myself out and

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dating. So don't feel like that is a mandatory thing,

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but at some point in phase two,

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we do want you out dating and getting that practice before you jump into phase

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three, because anything that's going to surface,

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we want to be able in our smaller phase two group,

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be able to coach you through that process. Okay.

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Because y'all just came out of heartwork.

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And so y'all remember what that was like? Okay. Heartwork doesn't finish.

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And so as you start dating and as you know,

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you start utilizing these heartwork tools, you know,

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God's going to use all sorts of opportunities and situations to kind of,

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Come in and you know show you areas where hey, I want I want to heal this a little more

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I want to heal the up heal this

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Healing does come in layers forgiveness comes in layers

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So keep that in mind. I know I say that every week for my ladies that have been here for a little bit

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Do you want to give a reminder?

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We are still diligently working on the app and the updates that and some of the chaos that it created

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For some of us admin

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So just again, thank you for your patience. I really do appreciate it

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One thing that I did notice that will help us coaches while we're still trying to navigate

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The there is in works another update to kind of fix those glitches

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So that is the good news, which I trust and believe that that is going to happen

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however, when you ladies are posting in the app and

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And

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You want specifically a coach responding?

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Please make sure that you click the ask a coach because that is typically where it myself and Ebony will go

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We go to that that that's the tab that I go to first

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Because I'm always making sure that those are the things that I'm getting to first and then I kind of go to the all

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Category and hit there. Okay

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And sometimes those ask a coach also will be in all but I go to ask a coach so at least I'm getting to those

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first

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ladies if you recognize

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Because what I want you to do is I want you

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Responding to your sisters here in the community. I want you encouraging each other

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I want you to refrain from coaching each other. Okay, because this is your opportunity to receive which I know

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For some of us I was one of those that you know has that leadership gift the teaching gift the

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Servant heart gift the the counseling get like all of those

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Giftings like you kind of want to go in and help. I

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Was one of those like I had to really refrain from that had to check myself often and remember I can give

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Encouragement that I don't have to coach and tell people. Hey, this is what I did

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You should do this, too. Does that make sense?

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and

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So just keep that in mind when you are giving encouragement to your sisters that you are allowing

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The coaches to come in and coach

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Those women so that it doesn't get confusing for them as well

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But what I really want to share is it actually helps us

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especially now with some of these things changes in the app is

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if

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You ladies are responding to an ask a coach

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Post that a coach has not post like commented on

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That's oftentimes when us coaches will miss it

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so before you like respond or

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Encourage one of your sisters on their post

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double check if it's an ask a coach question and

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If it is and a coach hasn't responded to it yet hold it until coaches responded I

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Know that's kind of like I know that again if you happen to do it or like we're not the police

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We're not gonna we're not gonna give you a ticket

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We're not gonna throw you in jail

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But just if you could help us out that way it would be tremendous because you know

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Our heart is definitely to make sure that we get to every single one of y'all's post. It's it's important for me

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I like that is just something that I'm always diligently working on

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And so when all of that happened with the app, they like changed them some things that were great

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And then all of a sudden I'm like wait like now I'm like

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You know having to like what how do I how do I get to all of them?

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so

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I've got some things that I'm working on my end of like how I can feel at ease and peace that I'm getting to

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All of you so just know that I love each and every one of you and if I have overlooked it

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It is not intentional. I really really like if you tell me that I've skipped over it

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I'm gonna feel like horrible

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so if you need me to respond like let me know because I

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Want to respond to you all matter to me y'all are important to me. I

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Like I just I'm so blessed being able to walk this journey with you all

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And having gone through this program myself and then having been here for five years

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I definitely

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Know the value of what it's like to have that community

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And so that's why it's very very special to me because this community has been special. Um,

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So, yeah, that's about it for the housekeeping

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and stuff. But today we are going to go through the being

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camera ready for dating online. Okay. And so it's going to be

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that coming. Okay, first thing, first things first, coming out

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of hiding. All right. I know y'all had this in phase one, you

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know, just coming on camera alone is that coming out of

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hiding. It's allowing ourselves to be seen. Okay. Like it's,

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it's your debut. All right. And so we want you, you know, this

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is a safe community. We're here to encourage you lift you up,

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walk, whatever journey you are on with you. And so, but ways

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that we do that is being able to see each other. And so that's

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always really important. If you can't, don't worry. I know this

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time of day is like work day, like work time. So some people

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can't get on and be on camera. And I get that. So I just

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applaud you for even coming and just listening in when you can't

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be on camera. Okay, but if you can, those of you know who you

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are, you can get on camera, please do. And that's how we

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build connection as well. So coming out of hiding and your

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heart posture when it comes to camera ready and being ready for

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online dating. It's time to date in real life. That's why it's

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important to be visible. Okay, you ladies want a husband,

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guess what, you're gonna have to be in front of them. Right. And

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so that's important. And I know for for a lot of us, and I know

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this was for me as well is, you know, sometimes that is just

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being seen was stuff I had to do hard work on my identity, how I

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looked how I felt how I felt on the outside versus how I was on

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the inside. That was all part of the process. It was all part

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of the hard work process. Just reminder, video calls are great

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for first impressions. If you were on earlier before I think I

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hit record. I said it's great, especially if you're long

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distance and it that way y'all aren't like driving long time to

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see each other and then get there and you're just like you

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are not who I thought you were. Or they look 20 years younger or

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20 years older than their photo, like whatever that looks

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like, you know, like, sometimes that happens. You're like, you

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look like photos. And so it gives you just a little bit of a

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it calms the nerves, if you will, like I loved even if they

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were fairly close to me, I love jumping on a video call. Because

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I at least got it was a way for me to kind of remove some of my

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butterflies because I've seen them face to face. And they've

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seen me, like who I'm showing up on camera is who you're going to

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get when you see me live. Okay. Now, obviously, I'm not no

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makeup, no hair. Obviously, we're going to show you camera

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ready. I'm gonna do my best to do that while I'm on this call.

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But again, and sometimes it's not about it's not even about

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how we look, it's also how we present ourselves. Okay, it's

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not just an exterior, it's also the interior and how we show up

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when we're communicating with people. And so I want that to

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resonate with you and let that kind of marinate with you as

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well. Because what's on the inside is going to show on the

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outside. Like the heart work does matter. Okay, and this

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actually brings me I jotted some notes down here for myself,

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because I didn't want to forget this. That heart work matters.

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If you haven't watched Supernatural Saturday, Jackie

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touched on this, and it really spoke to me. She mentioned

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something about, you know, God gives us these promises to

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birth. And for any of us that have had children have, you

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know, given birth to, you know, little babies, you know, when

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your labor comes, there's no stopping it. Y'all like my

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birth story for my youngest, who's my biological. I remember

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like, I was like, I, I've got to, I've got to push. And my

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midwife wasn't wasn't there yet was just a nurse. And she's

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like, Oh, no, like, we have to wait till your till the

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midwife gets up here until you could start pushing. And I'm

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like, no, like, no, like, I got Sarah, she'll get that. She's

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like, yeah, there's no, you don't wait. And so I'm sitting

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there like

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My epidural did not work, okay?

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So I had been vomiting the whole time I was laboring.

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And so I'm sitting here just like,

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you gotta be kidding me.

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Like, I can feel all of this.

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I can't move my legs.

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I have an epidural that's not working,

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but I can't move my legs.

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I can feel like I need to push.

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And there's, I mean, like I said,

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my epidural didn't work, so there was pain.

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Like, I had back labor.

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My lovely son was like, that flips the right way.

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And I'm like, oh my word.

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He's pinching nerves.

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So epidural wasn't getting to the places

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it needed to get to, so I couldn't feel the pain.

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So she's like, this nurse is telling me,

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no, you have to wait for your midwife.

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And I'm like, no, I've gotta push.

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And she's like, okay, okay.

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She's like, okay, honey.

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We'll do a couple of practice pushes.

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Okay, are you practicing?

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Cause I'm not, we're going.

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So I pushed.

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I mean, now luckily, you know, he didn't come right away.

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I mean, it only took me about 10 minutes and he was there,

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but luckily by then the midwife was there.

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But I'm like, there's practice.

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Like, this is my first time.

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I don't even know what practice looks like.

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I know what my body is telling me it needs to do

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and it's doing it.

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So it's game time, it's go.

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Like, we're on a go.

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So I love it when Jackie shared that

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because, you know, when the labor comes,

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when the promise comes, there's no like,

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oh, hold on, let me just, let me keep you up there.

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Let me just keep that promise from coming.

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And then it really is about this preparation.

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And so what it reminded me of is that, you know,

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especially for, you know,

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y'all are here for the marriage, right?

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That's a promise that God has for you.

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Okay, and God's giving you more promises than just marriage.

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Okay, so whatever promise God is literally

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putting on your heart right now,

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some of you, most of you will probably be marriage,

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but I know that there's a lot of you

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that have other promises that God is working in you.

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I know, again, I'm married now.

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God's got other promises in my life.

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And so that supernatural Saturday really spoke to me

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in so many different ways as well

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about the promises that he's got for me as well.

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But that heartwork piece is really important.

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Okay, even now as a married person,

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I still have heartwork that I'm having to work through.

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And so I'm saying that because ladies,

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you're right now in this single season

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where you have this promise of marriage.

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And I know there's times that it's,

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you're gonna feel hopeless.

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Y'all, I was there.

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So if any of you are feeling hopeless

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about this marriage thing,

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I know we've got a few sisters here in phase two

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that are just feeling like,

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like I gotta lay it down.

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I get it.

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I was there too, many times.

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Okay, but I do wanna encourage you

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that that promise is there.

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But because that's there,

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I wanna really emphasize that,

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that heartwork is super important

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because when the promise comes of marriage,

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the heartwork is gonna come

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whether or not you've done it or not.

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It's gonna show up.

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It will.

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And so whatever it is that God is prompting you,

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and I really felt this strongly on Supernatural Saturday

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because I know we have,

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I just had so many of you ladies in phase two

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on my heart that I know that there's some other heartwork

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that still needs to be done,

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that there's some areas that there's a little bit of like,

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why isn't this working?

385
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Why isn't this working?

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It's because there's some other stuff

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that the Lord is saying,

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hey, you can't keep pushing this off.

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You can't.

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It's gonna come up

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and it's gonna be good for you to do it now

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rather than when the promise is here.

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And I say that from my own testimony, okay?

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There's a lot of stuff that I did prior

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and I'm so thankful.

396
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There were a couple of things that I waited

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and I'm having to work through it now.

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And when you have a husband and kids,

399
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and it can feel heavy.

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And Jackie talks in Supernatural Saturday

401
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that sometimes those promises,

402
00:29:45.120 --> 00:29:48.080
if it's not on a sturdy foundation,

403
00:29:48.080 --> 00:29:51.520
you can't put that heavier weight on a foundation

404
00:29:51.520 --> 00:29:52.880
that's cracked.

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And so heartwork really, really is that foundational piece.

406
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Okay, so, heart work does matter because what's on the inside is going to show on the outside.

407
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But what I want to encourage you with, okay, because this is not going to be a Debbie Downer

408
00:30:13.120 --> 00:30:21.720
session, okay, is you don't have to be fully healed to date.

409
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You don't.

410
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You really don't.

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And I know that sounds like, but Carla, you said I need to do heart work and da-da-da-da,

412
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it's going to show up, but yes, it all works together, okay?

413
00:30:38.000 --> 00:30:43.320
You got to work on your heart work as you're walking through life.

414
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So don't think, oh, I can't date yet because I'm not fully healed.

415
00:30:49.640 --> 00:30:52.840
There might be times where you're like, I'm going to put pause, I'm going to put things

416
00:30:52.840 --> 00:30:56.880
on pause right now, and that's okay.

417
00:30:56.880 --> 00:31:05.400
That's totally okay too, but healed and healing hearts are very, very attractive.

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They are.

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Like if you ladies haven't gotten to dating yet, just buckle up because dating is going

420
00:31:13.760 --> 00:31:16.640
to be different now that you've gotten some healing under your belt.

421
00:31:16.640 --> 00:31:19.180
You're going to notice some changes.

422
00:31:19.180 --> 00:31:26.320
If you're open-minded to how this could look differently and how you've changed and how

423
00:31:26.760 --> 00:31:31.040
you've healed, you're going to be very surprised.

424
00:31:31.040 --> 00:31:34.320
It's all about the perspective that we look at it at.

425
00:31:34.320 --> 00:31:39.200
Doesn't mean that you're not going to have moments where you're like, oh, like I'm discouraged

426
00:31:39.200 --> 00:31:40.520
on this, on that.

427
00:31:40.520 --> 00:31:41.840
Y'all, I've been there.

428
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There were times I'm like, this isn't working.

429
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Okay.

430
00:31:45.920 --> 00:31:50.000
So just know there is an ebb and flow of that, but if that's where you're at right now, you're

431
00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:54.640
kind of in that valley a little bit, don't stay stuck there.

432
00:31:54.640 --> 00:31:57.640
And I want to encourage you, you're not going to stay stuck there.

433
00:31:57.640 --> 00:32:01.440
I had moments of like that and you'll, you'll get yourself out of it.

434
00:32:01.440 --> 00:32:03.400
This community will help you.

435
00:32:03.400 --> 00:32:04.400
Okay.

436
00:32:04.400 --> 00:32:08.500
So yes, your heart is your most attractive feature.

437
00:32:08.500 --> 00:32:14.560
So definitely make sure that that is something that you are focused on.

438
00:32:14.560 --> 00:32:16.440
So you're coming out of hiding.

439
00:32:16.440 --> 00:32:23.200
It is really about having that open healed heart, still being open to what God wants

440
00:32:23.200 --> 00:32:25.760
to heal in the dating process.

441
00:32:25.760 --> 00:32:26.760
Okay.

442
00:32:26.760 --> 00:32:30.400
Camera confidence is the second thing I'm going to talk about.

443
00:32:30.400 --> 00:32:33.000
So just remember online dating is just a tool.

444
00:32:33.000 --> 00:32:35.000
It's not a test.

445
00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:37.360
Again, your goal isn't just to impress.

446
00:32:37.360 --> 00:32:38.360
Okay.

447
00:32:38.360 --> 00:32:44.040
We want people to see us in our good light, but that's not the focus.

448
00:32:44.040 --> 00:32:48.320
It really is to be showing up in your authentic self.

449
00:32:48.320 --> 00:32:52.120
And again, when you're doing heartwork, you are going to start showing up more in your

450
00:32:52.120 --> 00:32:54.680
authentic self.

451
00:32:54.680 --> 00:33:04.400
And it, I always love reminding you ladies that this is not about finding a husband.

452
00:33:04.400 --> 00:33:07.040
It's just about discovery dating.

453
00:33:07.040 --> 00:33:10.320
The dating process really is part of the healing process.

454
00:33:10.320 --> 00:33:16.240
It is a, it's about the get to know yourself process.

455
00:33:16.240 --> 00:33:22.320
So when you kind of remove the pressure of, I've got to get this guy to look at me like

456
00:33:22.320 --> 00:33:28.760
a wife, or I'm looking to see if this guy's a husband, that is just going to put so much

457
00:33:28.760 --> 00:33:30.160
pressure on you.

458
00:33:30.160 --> 00:33:36.840
And again, we don't want more weight on foundations that can't hold those foundations.

459
00:33:36.840 --> 00:33:38.560
Okay.

460
00:33:38.560 --> 00:33:40.960
We want to work on the foundation.

461
00:33:40.960 --> 00:33:50.280
So whatever weight does get put on, we have the ability to hold, hold it up.

462
00:33:50.280 --> 00:33:53.360
And that comes with God, like God that's partnering with the Lord.

463
00:33:53.360 --> 00:33:55.880
So you're already worthy of it.

464
00:33:55.880 --> 00:33:56.880
Okay.

465
00:33:56.880 --> 00:34:04.240
You're fearfully, wonderfully made, you know, speak that over yourself, remind yourself

466
00:34:04.240 --> 00:34:06.600
of that.

467
00:34:06.600 --> 00:34:14.679
I know this process for me in the whole dating piece, like it took me a year because I really

468
00:34:14.679 --> 00:34:21.520
had to focus on my identity and like who God saw me as.

469
00:34:21.520 --> 00:34:25.600
And so that is so important.

470
00:34:25.600 --> 00:34:29.639
And so if that's you and you're like, I just sometimes don't feel like I have the confidence

471
00:34:29.639 --> 00:34:33.199
and I, you know, there's hard work around that.

472
00:34:33.199 --> 00:34:40.159
And you have sisters here that, that are going through it, have been through it, and we're

473
00:34:40.159 --> 00:34:42.199
here to help you.

474
00:34:42.199 --> 00:34:43.840
Okay.

475
00:34:43.840 --> 00:34:47.639
The right man is going to love you for you.

476
00:34:47.639 --> 00:34:54.699
He will y'all like, you see me all like not camera ready at all today.

477
00:34:54.699 --> 00:34:59.360
My husband sees like, sees me like this on the daily.

478
00:34:59.360 --> 00:35:00.200
It wasn't always.

479
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.680
this way when I first started dating. But you know what? One of the things that he asked me

480
00:35:05.680 --> 00:35:14.400
early on is I was not feeling well when we first were introduced. And, um, he asked me for a

481
00:35:14.400 --> 00:35:19.040
picture before we met in person when I wasn't feeling well. Cause I like, I had like raspy

482
00:35:19.040 --> 00:35:24.240
voice. It was like super congested. And I was just like, it was a mess. I'd sinus stuff. And

483
00:35:24.240 --> 00:35:30.960
he's like, send me a picture. And I'm like, what? I don't, I've never met you in person.

484
00:35:30.960 --> 00:35:36.800
And you want me to send you a picture of me looking like death on doors on like the doorstep

485
00:35:36.800 --> 00:35:42.240
here. I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. Like, but God was like, you know what? It's okay.

486
00:35:42.240 --> 00:35:47.520
And so I did, I literally just like did a selfie and no makeup. I had my glasses on.

487
00:35:48.160 --> 00:35:52.640
My hair was looking worse than this. I mean, it was probably even more greasy than it is now.

488
00:35:53.360 --> 00:35:56.960
Um, and that was like one of his favorite photos of me,

489
00:35:59.680 --> 00:36:08.320
like men who true, like authentic, like men that are wanting wives, like they want an authentic

490
00:36:08.320 --> 00:36:17.760
wife. They do. You talk to most of these married men, like they're going to sit there and be like,

491
00:36:18.720 --> 00:36:25.600
no, I don't want the, the supermodel that's like in the photo. Like that's just not

492
00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:35.840
always attainable. Like, cause I'll be honest, a guy that has a woman that has, I mean, he's

493
00:36:35.840 --> 00:36:41.360
going to have to do a lot too. And some men are just like, they want to be loved for who they are

494
00:36:41.360 --> 00:36:48.640
too. So it really is not always about the exterior. Yes. My husband does appreciate when

495
00:36:48.640 --> 00:36:58.800
I get myself dolled up, but that's not why he loves me. It really isn't. So keep that in mind.

496
00:37:00.320 --> 00:37:07.600
Your, your husband is going to love you, not just your exterior. It's not about perfection,

497
00:37:08.320 --> 00:37:11.840
but one thing that Jackie said on supernatural Saturday, it's about readiness.

498
00:37:12.480 --> 00:37:17.120
It's about being ready. It's not about perfection. We're never going to be perfect.

499
00:37:18.320 --> 00:37:23.360
We always got stuff that we've got to work on and your husbands are not going to be perfect either.

500
00:37:23.360 --> 00:37:29.600
Ladies, they are going to have things that they're going to need to work on. And as ladies

501
00:37:29.680 --> 00:37:39.360
like to always, you know, show that, Oh, honey, my husband will be like, babe, I'm not, I'm not

502
00:37:39.360 --> 00:37:44.320
here. You're not my, you're not here to fix me all the time. Like I have to sometimes like he's,

503
00:37:44.320 --> 00:37:51.920
he's like, babe, I'm not one of your people. You're coaching. I'm like, fair enough, honey.

504
00:37:52.880 --> 00:37:59.840
Okay. So, but if you are struggling with, you know, camera confidence and, you know,

505
00:37:59.840 --> 00:38:04.400
just know that you're not alone. This community is a safe place for you to feel supported.

506
00:38:04.960 --> 00:38:09.360
And it's, it's probably just an area of heartwork that we're, we're going to want

507
00:38:09.360 --> 00:38:17.200
to help you navigate. Okay. Okay. Now to the like detailed stuff,

508
00:38:18.160 --> 00:38:25.600
essentials for camera ready, your background, simple, clean, peaceful. Okay. I wouldn't,

509
00:38:25.600 --> 00:38:30.320
I wouldn't even say like, mine's not, I mean, cause mine's in the corner of my living room,

510
00:38:30.320 --> 00:38:35.600
kind of like comfy chair. So this is kind of just where I have things set up. So it's not even like

511
00:38:35.600 --> 00:38:40.560
perfect, but it is simple. There's not a lot of distractions. So that's, you don't want

512
00:38:40.560 --> 00:38:46.480
distractions. You don't want a lot of movement behind you. Okay. Like Nancy, I love Nancy's,

513
00:38:48.160 --> 00:38:52.000
and as long as she doesn't have people in her house that are going to be walking across behind

514
00:38:52.000 --> 00:38:59.760
her, she good. Cause it's simple. There's not movement back there. Okay. I got Carrie. She's

515
00:38:59.760 --> 00:39:05.520
got her just, she's playing wall background. That's good too. Same thing with Michelle.

516
00:39:06.640 --> 00:39:11.920
She's just got that. I love Sarah. So I love share shell. She's just, she's got her,

517
00:39:12.240 --> 00:39:17.760
she's got like one of those background things. So it like literally just puts a background up

518
00:39:17.760 --> 00:39:23.040
for her. That always looks nice too. It's got this beautiful sky. Gail's is good too. Cause

519
00:39:23.040 --> 00:39:28.800
she's in her chair. It's simple. There's not a lot of movement there. Christina,

520
00:39:28.800 --> 00:39:33.760
she's got the golden gate bridge behind her girl. Do you live in San Francisco?

521
00:39:35.440 --> 00:39:40.480
No. Okay. I know we have a lady in phase two that lives in San Francisco. And I was like,

522
00:39:40.480 --> 00:39:45.600
there's a girl here that lives in San Francisco. So definitely check it out. I love that. My

523
00:39:45.600 --> 00:39:51.440
husband and I went there for our one year anniversary. We went to Napa and we flew

524
00:39:51.440 --> 00:39:55.440
into San Francisco. And so one of my, one of my big things was like, I want to drive

525
00:39:55.440 --> 00:39:59.920
on the golden gate bridge. And so like, that was like,

526
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.080
like a highlight for me, so I love that background.

527
00:40:03.080 --> 00:40:07.800
So yeah, those, so just simple, simple background.

528
00:40:07.800 --> 00:40:09.560
Kathy, I know you're just on our call,

529
00:40:09.560 --> 00:40:12.760
but if you're ever doing a video date,

530
00:40:12.760 --> 00:40:17.760
I would make it more plain for you, okay?

531
00:40:19.800 --> 00:40:22.200
And again, you probably have yours on the phone too.

532
00:40:22.200 --> 00:40:24.600
I would even set your phone somewhere

533
00:40:24.600 --> 00:40:26.120
where it's not being moved around.

534
00:40:26.120 --> 00:40:28.160
You don't want your camera moving around a lot.

535
00:40:28.160 --> 00:40:29.920
But again, we're just on our call here,

536
00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:33.960
so don't stress about it, okay?

537
00:40:33.960 --> 00:40:37.160
So again, if you ladies are on right now.

538
00:40:37.160 --> 00:40:38.440
What's that, Kathy?

539
00:40:38.440 --> 00:40:40.800
Are you talking about my background?

540
00:40:40.800 --> 00:40:42.800
Yes, yes.

541
00:40:42.800 --> 00:40:46.160
I definitely would not be doing that

542
00:40:46.160 --> 00:40:47.880
if there's guys in the room.

543
00:40:47.880 --> 00:40:49.600
Okay, you're good.

544
00:40:49.600 --> 00:40:50.440
Well, that's what I figured.

545
00:40:50.440 --> 00:40:54.520
I figured you're on this call right now for our session.

546
00:40:54.520 --> 00:40:55.600
It wouldn't be like,

547
00:40:55.600 --> 00:40:59.360
hey, camera ready for a video date sort of thing, okay?

548
00:40:59.960 --> 00:41:01.320
So that's totally fine.

549
00:41:01.320 --> 00:41:03.600
Yeah, and Renee talks about having lighting

550
00:41:03.600 --> 00:41:05.280
in front of you, not behind you.

551
00:41:05.280 --> 00:41:08.240
Yeah, and that's the next thing I was gonna go into.

552
00:41:08.240 --> 00:41:09.080
So that lighting,

553
00:41:09.080 --> 00:41:11.400
you want the lighting coming onto your face,

554
00:41:11.400 --> 00:41:12.240
not behind you.

555
00:41:12.240 --> 00:41:15.200
So if you all are on, you look at Kathy.

556
00:41:15.200 --> 00:41:17.720
She's got the lighting behind her.

557
00:41:17.720 --> 00:41:19.800
And again, for our call here,

558
00:41:19.800 --> 00:41:22.680
I don't stress about that stuff.

559
00:41:22.680 --> 00:41:25.040
But you can see how it's really difficult.

560
00:41:25.040 --> 00:41:26.400
Her face is darker.

561
00:41:27.320 --> 00:41:29.320
You can't really see her.

562
00:41:30.280 --> 00:41:32.360
As she moves around,

563
00:41:32.360 --> 00:41:35.920
you see when that light is not directly behind her,

564
00:41:35.920 --> 00:41:37.960
it will lighten up her face more.

565
00:41:39.280 --> 00:41:41.280
Natural light is really good

566
00:41:42.400 --> 00:41:43.720
as long as it's in front of you.

567
00:41:43.720 --> 00:41:45.560
You don't want the natural light behind you.

568
00:41:45.560 --> 00:41:48.400
Any lighting should be in front of you, not behind you.

569
00:41:49.280 --> 00:41:51.320
Is there time for questions after?

570
00:41:51.320 --> 00:41:53.400
Yes, yes, absolutely.

571
00:41:54.480 --> 00:41:57.440
So yeah, the natural windows, the lights,

572
00:41:57.440 --> 00:41:59.200
if you can be in a well-lit room,

573
00:41:59.960 --> 00:42:02.520
windows, natural light is always gonna be better.

574
00:42:02.520 --> 00:42:04.760
That's not always doable.

575
00:42:04.760 --> 00:42:08.320
So again, you want a room that has some good lighting.

576
00:42:10.800 --> 00:42:14.720
Then your lights and lamps being kind of at light level.

577
00:42:14.720 --> 00:42:16.240
A lot of people get those ring lights

578
00:42:16.240 --> 00:42:19.440
and put those in front of them as well.

579
00:42:19.440 --> 00:42:20.840
Be careful with that though,

580
00:42:20.840 --> 00:42:23.240
because sometimes that reflection,

581
00:42:23.240 --> 00:42:25.880
I will wear glasses at times.

582
00:42:25.880 --> 00:42:28.040
And if you have light in front of you

583
00:42:28.040 --> 00:42:30.160
and you don't have the reflect,

584
00:42:30.160 --> 00:42:33.240
there's certain lenses that will not allow you

585
00:42:33.240 --> 00:42:36.240
to see the reflective light on your glasses.

586
00:42:36.240 --> 00:42:37.480
Mine don't.

587
00:42:37.480 --> 00:42:39.760
I think it costs extra money.

588
00:42:39.760 --> 00:42:43.160
I'm very frugal and things like that.

589
00:42:43.160 --> 00:42:46.760
So I'm like, I don't need to worry about that.

590
00:42:46.760 --> 00:42:49.760
So be very careful with where the lighting is

591
00:42:49.760 --> 00:42:51.880
if you are wearing glasses,

592
00:42:51.880 --> 00:42:53.640
because that will reflect.

593
00:42:53.640 --> 00:42:55.640
So I'm trying to see who has glasses.

594
00:42:55.640 --> 00:42:57.080
So Sonia has glasses.

595
00:42:57.120 --> 00:42:59.000
I don't see a lot of reflection on hers.

596
00:42:59.000 --> 00:43:01.200
Kathy, she's got glasses on.

597
00:43:01.200 --> 00:43:03.080
I don't see reflection on hers.

598
00:43:03.080 --> 00:43:05.320
Kathy, I'm gonna mute you real quick

599
00:43:05.320 --> 00:43:06.720
just so we don't get any background noise.

600
00:43:06.720 --> 00:43:07.560
You're good.

601
00:43:09.040 --> 00:43:10.800
Nancy, she's got her glasses on.

602
00:43:10.800 --> 00:43:13.120
I see a little bit of reflection,

603
00:43:13.120 --> 00:43:14.720
but she does have light on her face.

604
00:43:14.720 --> 00:43:15.560
So that's good.

605
00:43:15.560 --> 00:43:17.440
Michelle, she's got her glasses on.

606
00:43:17.440 --> 00:43:19.160
I'm having a hard time seeing her eyes

607
00:43:19.160 --> 00:43:21.120
because it looks like you do have

608
00:43:21.120 --> 00:43:23.480
some sort of lamp right in front.

609
00:43:23.480 --> 00:43:24.680
You don't have to take them off,

610
00:43:24.680 --> 00:43:28.000
but again, if you need to wear your glasses, that's fine.

611
00:43:28.000 --> 00:43:30.200
But when you're positioning, again,

612
00:43:30.200 --> 00:43:31.880
this is for when you are,

613
00:43:31.880 --> 00:43:33.360
if you're gonna do a video date,

614
00:43:33.360 --> 00:43:36.560
just be mindful of those types of things, okay?

615
00:43:36.560 --> 00:43:39.560
Y'all don't have to fix everything right this moment, okay?

616
00:43:39.560 --> 00:43:41.160
I'm just giving y'all some examples.

617
00:43:41.160 --> 00:43:42.760
Elisa, she's got glasses on too,

618
00:43:42.760 --> 00:43:45.040
and I don't see reflection on hers.

619
00:43:45.040 --> 00:43:47.360
She's got the light behind her though.

620
00:43:47.360 --> 00:43:50.200
But again, those are things that you'll,

621
00:43:50.200 --> 00:43:51.040
that's good.

622
00:43:51.040 --> 00:43:53.600
See how she's kind of blocking the light.

623
00:43:53.600 --> 00:43:55.240
So if that's just where her computer says

624
00:43:55.240 --> 00:43:56.280
she's gonna block the light,

625
00:43:56.280 --> 00:43:59.440
she can always either close the blinds, whatever, okay?

626
00:43:59.440 --> 00:44:01.800
That will help you, okay?

627
00:44:01.800 --> 00:44:03.360
So that's the lighting piece.

628
00:44:04.480 --> 00:44:06.800
Your camera placement is gonna be huge.

629
00:44:06.800 --> 00:44:11.160
You want things at eye level or slightly above, okay?

630
00:44:13.040 --> 00:44:16.360
Does anybody know why we want the camera

631
00:44:16.360 --> 00:44:18.000
slightly above or at eye level?

632
00:44:18.000 --> 00:44:21.480
What happens if the camera is below eye level?

633
00:44:21.480 --> 00:44:22.480
Does anybody know?

634
00:44:23.800 --> 00:44:25.080
What happened?

635
00:44:26.400 --> 00:44:31.400
Oh, my chat is like not scrolling.

636
00:44:31.440 --> 00:44:33.400
I'm not seeing all your comments.

637
00:44:35.160 --> 00:44:36.200
Goodness.

638
00:44:38.680 --> 00:44:40.240
They're looking at your nose.

639
00:44:41.520 --> 00:44:44.440
Yeah, you're looking, yep, you're looking up your nose

640
00:44:45.880 --> 00:44:47.040
for sure.

641
00:44:49.480 --> 00:44:52.400
Sorry, I'm still trying to scroll through.

642
00:44:53.400 --> 00:44:54.760
We look better, yep.

643
00:44:54.760 --> 00:44:57.600
You will definitely look way better

644
00:44:57.600 --> 00:44:59.960
if the camera's coming from above or.

645
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:08.160
eye level. If it comes from below, I always, yeah, we don't want to look up the nostrils.

646
00:45:09.040 --> 00:45:15.920
It's also, you can get, like, it can make you look like you got the double chin, ladies.

647
00:45:18.240 --> 00:45:24.320
Have you ever, like, when you see people take selfies, you always see them kind of always,

648
00:45:24.320 --> 00:45:32.560
like, this way? Because it will thin you out. You come down and you do your camera this way,

649
00:45:32.560 --> 00:45:40.400
they get that part of your neck. Yes. Yes, Gail. Do that again. Y'all watch Gail. She's showing us.

650
00:45:41.120 --> 00:45:45.920
See? It, like, stretches. Now, on a video date, you're not going to sit there and look, like,

651
00:45:45.920 --> 00:45:51.200
have it all stretched out like that. But we're getting to see, like, the big contrast there.

652
00:45:52.160 --> 00:45:56.800
All right? Where if it's, like, below, let's see if I can do this. I'm going to see.

653
00:45:58.080 --> 00:46:03.520
Like, one, you're all seeing up my nostrils. You're seeing all of this. Like, that's just

654
00:46:03.520 --> 00:46:11.440
not attractive, ladies. Like, we want it more eye level or looking down. Okay? So,

655
00:46:11.440 --> 00:46:14.640
just keep that in mind. I see, Carrie, you're kind of messing with your camera now, too.

656
00:46:14.640 --> 00:46:22.240
So, you got to play around with that. Definitely play around with that when you, like,

657
00:46:22.960 --> 00:46:28.960
before you jump on a video call. Okay? Kind of get it set up. Way back in the day, the very

658
00:46:28.960 --> 00:46:34.640
beginning of last year's single, we were a much, much smaller community. Jackie did this with us

659
00:46:34.640 --> 00:46:42.480
once. And we had, like, a whole couple hours where we were just, like, playing around with

660
00:46:42.480 --> 00:46:51.280
our cameras and our hair and our makeup. And, like, it was interesting. Like, we did all the

661
00:46:51.280 --> 00:47:00.160
things. Okay? So, we, you know, helped each other. Like, oh, that's a good angle for you.

662
00:47:00.160 --> 00:47:04.240
Like, Karen, that's a really good angle. Keep that there. That's where your camera needs to be.

663
00:47:04.240 --> 00:47:08.960
Or, hey, you know, Michelle, your hair looks perfect that way. Like, oh, here, flip some of

664
00:47:08.960 --> 00:47:15.840
your hair this way. Like, we were doing that with all the ladies. So, you know, that's what

665
00:47:15.840 --> 00:47:25.360
this community is for. So, love that you're asking what are you using. So, that is not my phone. I'm

666
00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:30.240
on my computer. I do a lot of my work on the computer. So, if you're asking. But if you are

667
00:47:30.240 --> 00:47:38.640
using your phone for video calls, they have little camera stands for your phones. They'll have phone

668
00:47:38.640 --> 00:47:50.000
stands that will literally sit on a desktop. Okay? Yes, Kathy, a guy, she said she saw on a profile

669
00:47:50.000 --> 00:47:55.440
he took a picture of himself and he had the camera probably low and she could literally see

670
00:47:56.080 --> 00:48:05.040
up his nose. Like, it's all pretty. So, and we're going to extend grace to those men because most

671
00:48:05.040 --> 00:48:12.880
of them are probably not in a community like this where they get that. And then, okay, so,

672
00:48:12.880 --> 00:48:18.320
yeah, no shaky camera. You want your head and your shoulders visible. Okay? I would even say,

673
00:48:19.120 --> 00:48:24.800
kind of even refrain from showing, like, further down. Like, I've even noticed, like, if I go

674
00:48:24.800 --> 00:48:31.280
even further up like this, like, I don't need them seeing all of that. Like, they don't need to see

675
00:48:31.280 --> 00:48:42.240
all of this area. Okay? Just here up. All right? All right? We don't want boobie shots. Okay?

676
00:48:46.000 --> 00:48:50.560
Definitely don't want that. All right? That's not the first impressions. Those aren't the type of

677
00:48:50.560 --> 00:48:58.240
men you're going to want to attract, ladies. Okay? It really isn't. All right? And I'm sure some of

678
00:48:58.240 --> 00:49:02.640
you that have been online dating already have come across some of those types of men and those

679
00:49:02.640 --> 00:49:06.880
are the ones that we bless and block. We don't have to get offended by them. We just bless and

680
00:49:06.880 --> 00:49:13.040
block them. Boy, bye. I'm going to pray for you. But I don't even have to tell you I'm praying for

681
00:49:13.040 --> 00:49:22.160
you. It's not my job to minister to these men. Okay? Keep that in mind. You don't have to tell

682
00:49:22.160 --> 00:49:28.080
them what they've done wrong, what they need to do differently. You just, you know, send them on

683
00:49:28.080 --> 00:49:37.600
their way. Say, here you go. We bless you. Don't come through my screen or my door or anywhere near

684
00:49:37.600 --> 00:49:44.880
me again. Okay? All right. And then last thing is your outfit, your presence. Obviously, I'm not

685
00:49:44.880 --> 00:49:51.840
feeling great. So, I've got my hoodie on. I wouldn't suggest this 100%. Now, I'm going to show

686
00:49:51.840 --> 00:49:59.680
real quick just a few things with your outfit, your presence, makeup, the hair, all that good stuff.

687
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:08.600
Wear something that's comfortable and modest and it's camera-friendly, okay?

688
00:50:08.600 --> 00:50:09.780
Colors.

689
00:50:09.780 --> 00:50:10.780
Colors are good.

690
00:50:10.780 --> 00:50:15.300
Know what colors are good on your skin tone.

691
00:50:15.300 --> 00:50:20.520
For me, it was a lot of blue-greens and blue.

692
00:50:20.520 --> 00:50:26.440
Red is another one that I've been told looks good on me as well.

693
00:50:26.440 --> 00:50:29.240
It's just a pop of color.

694
00:50:29.240 --> 00:50:31.280
Colors are good, okay?

695
00:50:31.280 --> 00:50:37.480
Sometimes it's a little difficult in this wintry season because things are more neutral.

696
00:50:37.480 --> 00:50:39.440
Yeah, I agree.

697
00:50:39.440 --> 00:50:41.840
I think a lot of men really like red.

698
00:50:41.840 --> 00:50:45.200
It's actually my youngest's favorite color.

699
00:50:45.200 --> 00:50:49.160
I always thought he was going to love blue like I did, and when he got old enough to

700
00:50:49.160 --> 00:50:53.320
talk about his favorite color, he said red, and I was like, what?

701
00:50:53.320 --> 00:50:58.600
I thought you would like blue like your mom, and he didn't, but he's a boy and he likes

702
00:50:58.600 --> 00:51:00.840
red.

703
00:51:00.840 --> 00:51:06.280
Your makeup, natural, polished, ladies, I want to show you lip color and mascara will

704
00:51:06.280 --> 00:51:07.280
go a long way.

705
00:51:07.280 --> 00:51:12.360
Again, you all see, I'm not my best, all right?

706
00:51:12.360 --> 00:51:14.440
This is one of my really bold lip colors.

707
00:51:14.440 --> 00:51:17.480
I don't wear it often, okay?

708
00:51:17.480 --> 00:51:22.480
If you see me in person with it, it's really bright, but when you put it on camera, y'all,

709
00:51:22.480 --> 00:51:27.880
I'm going to see if I can do this with just my computer camera here.

710
00:51:27.880 --> 00:51:37.200
I might have to get my phone out, or I'm going to look like a four-year-old playing with

711
00:51:37.200 --> 00:51:39.960
their mom's makeup.

712
00:51:39.960 --> 00:51:50.960
Do you see how much that changed?

713
00:51:50.960 --> 00:51:59.720
Like I could probably just go with this, and it looks like I literally got myself ready,

714
00:51:59.720 --> 00:52:06.400
so even just a bold lip color will go a long way.

715
00:52:06.400 --> 00:52:14.040
Get that red lip for the camera, yes.

716
00:52:14.040 --> 00:52:15.040
They love the red lipstick.

717
00:52:15.040 --> 00:52:16.040
I mean, it's nice.

718
00:52:16.040 --> 00:52:21.320
If you're going to do a video date, get that red lip, okay?

719
00:52:21.320 --> 00:52:29.320
And then I usually, honestly, I just use my old school eyelash curler.

720
00:52:29.320 --> 00:52:36.640
I used to wear fake lashes, and then just a mascara, and put that on, and then I'll

721
00:52:36.640 --> 00:52:41.240
paint on, not paint, I'll pencil in my eyebrows as well.

722
00:52:41.240 --> 00:52:43.960
And so that alone will do a lot.

723
00:52:43.960 --> 00:52:47.680
For hair, you want to keep your hair kind of out of your face, okay?

724
00:52:47.680 --> 00:52:49.640
Now, mine's all super gross and greasy.

725
00:52:49.640 --> 00:52:51.640
You don't want the hair in your face.

726
00:52:51.640 --> 00:52:54.560
You want it kind of off your shoulder, okay?

727
00:52:54.560 --> 00:52:59.280
I usually would like curl my hair, just hit it with, like I have a straightening iron,

728
00:52:59.280 --> 00:53:03.760
but I use my straightening iron to kind of put some waves in my hair at times.

729
00:53:03.760 --> 00:53:05.000
Lip gloss with a tint would be good.

730
00:53:05.000 --> 00:53:10.800
I would make sure that your lip gloss is a, if it's a tint, make sure it's a bright tint,

731
00:53:10.800 --> 00:53:14.400
especially on camera, okay?

732
00:53:14.400 --> 00:53:19.840
You really want something that's going to pop, okay?

733
00:53:19.840 --> 00:53:24.800
Hair out of the face, I usually curl mine a little bit or something, just kind of, you

734
00:53:24.800 --> 00:53:27.800
know, you got to be mindful of that.

735
00:53:27.800 --> 00:53:35.240
Like I have even, again, I used to curl, I would curl my hair often when it's like greasy

736
00:53:35.240 --> 00:53:37.720
like this, which was my plan today.

737
00:53:37.720 --> 00:53:40.640
I wasn't going to wash my hair today because I was just going to curl it for you ladies

738
00:53:40.640 --> 00:53:44.840
until I woke up feeling pretty nasty.

739
00:53:44.840 --> 00:53:47.640
But I use dry shampoo.

740
00:53:47.640 --> 00:53:52.360
So you ladies that like, yeah, I see Christina saying, yeah, it's probably like a staple,

741
00:53:52.360 --> 00:53:53.360
right?

742
00:53:53.360 --> 00:53:58.400
Us girls that have like the stick straight hair, like the thin, like, I mean, I got a

743
00:53:58.400 --> 00:54:01.680
lot of hair, but it's very fine.

744
00:54:01.680 --> 00:54:08.880
And I, I literally go through this all the time.

745
00:54:08.880 --> 00:54:16.920
Like it's definitely my must have hair product because it just sucks up all that grease and

746
00:54:16.920 --> 00:54:18.560
it, you know, makes it all better.

747
00:54:18.560 --> 00:54:22.840
So yeah, so just keep that in mind.

748
00:54:22.840 --> 00:54:23.840
Yep.

749
00:54:23.840 --> 00:54:25.160
Living proof is my favorite.

750
00:54:25.160 --> 00:54:28.760
I like it because where did I put it?

751
00:54:28.760 --> 00:54:31.680
It's, it's just the perfect hair day.

752
00:54:31.680 --> 00:54:32.680
It's just the dry shampoo.

753
00:54:32.680 --> 00:54:41.240
I don't know if it's flipped backwards, but yeah, living proof and you just spray it.

754
00:54:41.240 --> 00:54:49.320
It, it has a, it definitely has a very fragrant-y smell, which I try not to do a lot of fragrances.

755
00:54:49.320 --> 00:54:54.680
But when it comes to some of my hair products and my makeup products, that's one area where

756
00:54:54.840 --> 00:54:57.800
I'm like, I can't do things as natural now.

757
00:54:57.800 --> 00:54:59.640
Like my...

758
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.240
You know, stuff I clean with and all that kind of stuff is a little more non-toxic.

759
00:55:06.240 --> 00:55:15.280
But when it comes to hair stuff, I'm like, that's just, I have not found a very non-toxic

760
00:55:15.280 --> 00:55:17.160
thing that works for me.

761
00:55:17.160 --> 00:55:21.480
So all right.

762
00:55:21.480 --> 00:55:22.480
That's about it.

763
00:55:22.480 --> 00:55:23.840
We're going to take questions.

764
00:55:23.840 --> 00:55:28.640
We've got probably like a good 40 minutes here to go through those.

765
00:55:28.640 --> 00:55:33.520
I know Gail had posted her question, so I want to make sure I get to that.

766
00:55:33.520 --> 00:55:42.840
As for the activation, this week, we do typically do an activation that I love for this week.

767
00:55:42.840 --> 00:55:45.780
And so we'll post that as well.

768
00:55:45.780 --> 00:55:53.720
But I really do want you ladies listening to Supernatural Saturday and work on that

769
00:55:53.720 --> 00:55:55.980
activation that Jackie gives.

770
00:55:55.980 --> 00:56:04.460
And so that one is where she asks us, what have you not finished?

771
00:56:04.460 --> 00:56:07.420
What in life still feels very chaotic?

772
00:56:07.420 --> 00:56:13.900
Like she used the example of how many of us have like those browser, like on our phones,

773
00:56:13.900 --> 00:56:19.500
like we have to literally like we have every single app and browser up on our phone or

774
00:56:19.500 --> 00:56:20.860
on our screens.

775
00:56:20.860 --> 00:56:28.340
Like we have all the little tabs, like it's being able to like, what can we clear out

776
00:56:28.340 --> 00:56:34.700
to make room for what God's promised us?

777
00:56:34.700 --> 00:56:35.700
Yeah.

778
00:56:35.700 --> 00:56:36.700
48 open.

779
00:56:36.700 --> 00:56:37.700
Yeah.

780
00:56:37.700 --> 00:56:39.220
I'm the same way.

781
00:56:39.220 --> 00:56:45.700
I have so many open all the time, all the time.

782
00:56:45.700 --> 00:56:50.020
But in life, what is it that you haven't finished?

783
00:56:50.180 --> 00:56:53.380
And so I want you ladies to be thinking about that.

784
00:56:53.380 --> 00:56:55.900
What nesting needs to be done?

785
00:56:55.900 --> 00:56:56.900
Okay.

786
00:56:56.900 --> 00:56:58.140
She talks a little bit about that.

787
00:56:58.140 --> 00:57:01.380
So if you don't know what I'm talking about, definitely go and listen.

788
00:57:01.380 --> 00:57:02.380
All right.

789
00:57:02.380 --> 00:57:04.380
I really want you to focus on that.

790
00:57:04.380 --> 00:57:10.540
And we will still put up the one where it's reflecting the inner healing that you've done

791
00:57:10.540 --> 00:57:11.540
on the outside.

792
00:57:11.540 --> 00:57:14.340
And this is this is one of my favorites.

793
00:57:14.340 --> 00:57:17.180
We do it for this, this session.

794
00:57:17.180 --> 00:57:23.460
It's, you know, what's a new way that you can care for yourself and express yourself,

795
00:57:23.460 --> 00:57:29.500
whether it's, you know, trying a new lip color and sharing it with us, go buying a cute outfit.

796
00:57:29.500 --> 00:57:33.420
You know, maybe it's even just going to the thrift shop and buying something new to you.

797
00:57:33.420 --> 00:57:34.420
Okay.

798
00:57:34.420 --> 00:57:40.140
Maybe it's, you know, stepping into that, stepping into the bride that God has called

799
00:57:40.140 --> 00:57:42.300
you to be.

800
00:57:42.300 --> 00:57:46.780
You know, this is the one activation that I often tell ladies, you know, go try on the

801
00:57:47.380 --> 00:57:48.620
wedding dress.

802
00:57:48.620 --> 00:57:53.660
Go get yourself a, a, you know, cute pair of earrings.

803
00:57:53.660 --> 00:57:57.260
Go buy your wedding shoes if you want to.

804
00:57:57.260 --> 00:57:58.820
Okay.

805
00:57:58.820 --> 00:58:01.100
I bought my wedding dress before I ever met my husband.

806
00:58:01.100 --> 00:58:03.300
I was actually in this community.

807
00:58:03.300 --> 00:58:04.300
We were on retreat.

808
00:58:04.300 --> 00:58:06.860
I bought my wedding dress in 2021.

809
00:58:06.860 --> 00:58:09.380
I didn't meet my husband until the end of 2022.

810
00:58:09.380 --> 00:58:11.380
We got married in 2023.

811
00:58:11.380 --> 00:58:12.380
Yes.

812
00:58:12.380 --> 00:58:13.380
Yes.

813
00:58:13.620 --> 00:58:19.820
Mackenzie go, go try on some wedding dresses for sure.

814
00:58:19.820 --> 00:58:20.820
Yes.

815
00:58:20.820 --> 00:58:23.060
I love that girl.

816
00:58:23.060 --> 00:58:27.620
That's so you don't need shoes if you get married on the beach.

817
00:58:27.620 --> 00:58:29.620
Yes.

818
00:58:29.620 --> 00:58:31.600
My husband wanted a beach wedding.

819
00:58:31.600 --> 00:58:32.600
I lived in Florida.

820
00:58:32.600 --> 00:58:38.180
I thought I always would, and I ended up not doing it, but I don't know why I didn't because

821
00:58:38.180 --> 00:58:42.780
I also do not like wearing shoes.

822
00:58:42.780 --> 00:58:45.620
I did wear sandals on my wedding, right?

823
00:58:45.620 --> 00:58:53.220
Like blingy sandals, but there shall, if I renew my vows and I, my husband, I've actually

824
00:58:53.220 --> 00:58:57.580
talked about doing this, of getting to still do a beach wedding, we would do like a vow

825
00:58:57.580 --> 00:59:02.980
renewal thing and like go somewhere tropical and have like a wedding on the beach.

826
00:59:02.980 --> 00:59:09.060
Like he's wanted, I'm going to go barefoot, but that's inspiring to me.

827
00:59:09.060 --> 00:59:10.060
So thank you.

828
00:59:10.060 --> 00:59:11.060
So yeah.

829
00:59:11.060 --> 00:59:12.060
Do those things.

830
00:59:12.340 --> 00:59:19.860
Like engagement rings, like again, so it could be something as, as big as that.

831
00:59:19.860 --> 00:59:21.780
Like, Hey, I'm going to step into my bride.

832
00:59:21.780 --> 00:59:26.220
You're going to look for your wedding songs or it's, you know what, I'm going to just

833
00:59:26.220 --> 00:59:33.460
step into getting something, you know, changing my hairdo, you know, maybe getting highlights.

834
00:59:33.460 --> 00:59:39.180
Maybe it's trying the new lip color, trying a new eye color, trying on a new shirt that

835
00:59:39.180 --> 00:59:43.340
is a color that you've never worn before, whatever that is.

836
00:59:43.340 --> 00:59:45.420
I want you ladies to express that.

837
00:59:45.420 --> 00:59:52.700
So we'll post that up in the app for you ladies to activate that.

838
00:59:52.700 --> 00:59:59.940
But again, I do really, really want you ladies considering the activation.

839
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.160
Jackie had led with on Supernatural Saturday.

840
01:00:04.160 --> 01:00:06.080
So definitely take a listen to that.

841
01:00:06.080 --> 01:00:08.240
Okay, we got lots of questions.

842
01:00:08.240 --> 01:00:10.080
Yes, Lovelette, I saw that,

843
01:00:10.080 --> 01:00:14.360
the Do Not Disturb Bride Getting Ready door hanger yesterday.

844
01:00:14.360 --> 01:00:15.900
I briefly saw that.

845
01:00:15.900 --> 01:00:19.800
You got to spend time with one of the sisters in community.

846
01:00:19.800 --> 01:00:21.840
I remember her when she was in phase two.

847
01:00:21.840 --> 01:00:25.560
I actually got to see her when she came

848
01:00:25.560 --> 01:00:27.880
to the five-year anniversary party in Austin.

849
01:00:27.880 --> 01:00:31.200
So I'm so glad you've been able to connect with her.

850
01:00:31.200 --> 01:00:32.720
That's exciting.

851
01:00:34.400 --> 01:00:37.560
So, and use it for a one-on-one coaching

852
01:00:37.560 --> 01:00:39.320
until I get back to Canada.

853
01:00:39.320 --> 01:00:42.680
Okay, I'm not sure how that works.

854
01:00:43.920 --> 01:00:45.320
I don't know if you would need to cancel

855
01:00:45.320 --> 01:00:46.880
to do the one-on-one coaching.

856
01:00:46.880 --> 01:00:49.560
If you just want to put dating on pause even,

857
01:00:49.560 --> 01:00:51.420
you can put dating on pause.

858
01:00:51.420 --> 01:00:53.520
That way you still get all the content.

859
01:00:53.520 --> 01:00:54.800
It's totally up to you.

860
01:00:54.800 --> 01:00:58.760
You decide whatever it is that you want to do.

861
01:00:58.760 --> 01:01:01.280
And then if you want to share it with us later,

862
01:01:01.280 --> 01:01:03.800
we can definitely talk it through with you

863
01:01:04.640 --> 01:01:07.200
or you can post it and we can give you feedback there.

864
01:01:07.200 --> 01:01:09.040
All right, we got lots of questions.

865
01:01:09.040 --> 01:01:11.160
I'm going to jump to Gail's first

866
01:01:11.160 --> 01:01:14.360
because she had hers in the app.

867
01:01:14.360 --> 01:01:16.040
I saw that one.

868
01:01:16.040 --> 01:01:18.160
Oh, there's no men in Panama.

869
01:01:19.440 --> 01:01:20.680
There's just not any men.

870
01:01:20.680 --> 01:01:24.320
It's all women, only women there.

871
01:01:24.360 --> 01:01:25.760
Ladies, don't go to Panama.

872
01:01:29.320 --> 01:01:30.280
No, that's good.

873
01:01:30.280 --> 01:01:32.560
And then when you get back to Canada,

874
01:01:32.560 --> 01:01:34.640
so yeah, if you're kind of traveling, I get that.

875
01:01:34.640 --> 01:01:36.680
So yeah, just put dating on hold.

876
01:01:36.680 --> 01:01:40.000
Work on other things that God is promising you.

877
01:01:40.000 --> 01:01:45.000
Okay, so Gail posted under our reminder

878
01:01:46.040 --> 01:01:51.040
of the call today, her question, she's off the apps

879
01:01:51.080 --> 01:01:53.600
because she's got two guys that she's interested in now.

880
01:01:53.600 --> 01:01:56.200
And so now she's like, oh, help me.

881
01:01:56.200 --> 01:01:57.400
I got two guys.

882
01:01:58.760 --> 01:01:59.680
They're great.

883
01:02:02.320 --> 01:02:03.160
What do I do?

884
01:02:03.160 --> 01:02:04.600
How do I pick one?

885
01:02:04.600 --> 01:02:06.120
This is when it's like,

886
01:02:06.120 --> 01:02:09.160
you don't have to rush through this, okay?

887
01:02:09.160 --> 01:02:10.640
This is where, okay.

888
01:02:10.640 --> 01:02:12.880
I love that you're putting the pause.

889
01:02:12.880 --> 01:02:15.800
You're not allowing any more distractions coming in.

890
01:02:15.800 --> 01:02:16.640
You got two guys.

891
01:02:16.640 --> 01:02:19.680
One lives local, one lives an hour and a half away.

892
01:02:20.640 --> 01:02:24.080
So I wanna hear about what are their green flags?

893
01:02:24.080 --> 01:02:25.760
What are the yellow flags?

894
01:02:25.760 --> 01:02:28.440
Let's see if we can, can you give me like one minute

895
01:02:28.440 --> 01:02:32.480
on each, list their yellow flags and the green flags for one

896
01:02:32.480 --> 01:02:34.360
and list the yellow and green flags

897
01:02:34.360 --> 01:02:35.960
in one minute for the other.

898
01:02:35.960 --> 01:02:36.880
Can we do that?

899
01:02:36.880 --> 01:02:38.120
Yes, I can.

900
01:02:38.120 --> 01:02:39.480
Off and running.

901
01:02:39.480 --> 01:02:43.200
I have to say, I'll include both of them.

902
01:02:43.200 --> 01:02:46.560
Green flags, lots of fruit of the spirit.

903
01:02:46.560 --> 01:02:48.080
Absolutely pursuing me.

904
01:02:48.320 --> 01:02:50.040
There's no doubt in my mind

905
01:02:50.040 --> 01:02:52.240
that they want a relationship with me.

906
01:02:52.240 --> 01:02:54.440
They want a long-term relationship.

907
01:02:56.240 --> 01:02:57.080
How so?

908
01:02:57.080 --> 01:02:58.000
How's that showing up?

909
01:03:00.520 --> 01:03:05.040
Daily calls, the local guy for a while

910
01:03:05.040 --> 01:03:10.040
was doing daily gifts, which they're going over the top

911
01:03:12.240 --> 01:03:17.240
with, I just have, I've got flowers all over my house.

912
01:03:18.080 --> 01:03:18.920
They're all over my counter.

913
01:03:18.920 --> 01:03:19.760
I'm not even joking.

914
01:03:19.760 --> 01:03:24.760
They don't really, candy, cookies, dates.

915
01:03:25.160 --> 01:03:27.880
They're just very active in their pursuit of me.

916
01:03:27.880 --> 01:03:30.120
Both of them have showed an intention

917
01:03:30.120 --> 01:03:35.120
that they want a long-term relationship with me.

918
01:03:37.440 --> 01:03:41.320
They are exclusive on their side.

919
01:03:41.320 --> 01:03:44.200
They both know that I am dating,

920
01:03:44.200 --> 01:03:47.680
well, I pulled off the app and I had four guys

921
01:03:48.320 --> 01:03:50.320
and one of them got, found out I was,

922
01:03:50.320 --> 01:03:53.240
I spilled it, I'm dating other people.

923
01:03:53.240 --> 01:03:56.840
And one guy said, no, I'm not competing, dropped out.

924
01:03:56.840 --> 01:04:00.080
The other guy, I had to, he said, are you exclusive?

925
01:04:00.080 --> 01:04:01.560
I said, no, I'm not.

926
01:04:01.560 --> 01:04:03.840
I don't know anybody well enough.

927
01:04:03.840 --> 01:04:07.640
And I said, and he kind of dropped back.

928
01:04:07.640 --> 01:04:10.360
I had seven, eight dates with him.

929
01:04:10.360 --> 01:04:13.120
He kind of dropped back, which is okay

930
01:04:13.120 --> 01:04:16.120
because I really was having a difficult time

931
01:04:16.120 --> 01:04:17.280
telling him to get lost.

932
01:04:18.040 --> 01:04:19.960
He was a nice, nice guy.

933
01:04:19.960 --> 01:04:21.920
It's just, I wasn't attracted to him.

934
01:04:21.920 --> 01:04:23.080
We were in different stages.

935
01:04:23.080 --> 01:04:25.400
So the guy that's local-

936
01:04:25.400 --> 01:04:27.080
These two guys, they're intentional.

937
01:04:27.080 --> 01:04:27.920
That's great.

938
01:04:27.920 --> 01:04:29.760
Okay, so those are the green flags.

939
01:04:29.760 --> 01:04:34.640
Very, they're very, they're pursuing, actively pursuing.

940
01:04:34.640 --> 01:04:39.640
I have, I was sick and they saw me, you know, in the reel

941
01:04:41.440 --> 01:04:45.320
and I got honey in my mailbox.

942
01:04:45.360 --> 01:04:48.040
I got gift certificates for cough syrup.

943
01:04:48.040 --> 01:04:52.600
I mean, it just kind of intense, intense.

944
01:04:52.600 --> 01:04:56.640
And so they know I'm seeing another guy.

945
01:04:56.640 --> 01:04:59.720
I just, okay, the yellow flags.

946
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:08.260
The guy closest to me, there's no red, the guy closest to me, he lived a mile and a half

947
01:05:08.260 --> 01:05:14.060
from where I grew up most of my adult life and we know, it's like going back home, we

948
01:05:14.060 --> 01:05:17.800
know most of the same people.

949
01:05:17.800 --> 01:05:23.160
He lived in my neighborhood and I never met him, so a lot of similarities.

950
01:05:23.160 --> 01:05:32.200
The problem being with him, the yellow flag with him is he's widowed six years, he and

951
01:05:32.200 --> 01:05:37.000
the family are still mourning his wife, he's ready to move on.

952
01:05:37.000 --> 01:05:42.520
His family, particularly his daughter and close friends, daughter's son and close friends,

953
01:05:42.520 --> 01:05:48.840
grandson and close friends, when they saw that he was dating me, they've all called

954
01:05:48.840 --> 01:05:51.840
him and said, oh, she may be a gold digger.

955
01:05:51.840 --> 01:05:54.200
There's a lot of resistance on his family.

956
01:05:54.200 --> 01:05:58.600
I mean, he actually calls me Juliet because he says, I feel like we're in Romeo and Juliet

957
01:05:58.600 --> 01:06:04.060
because he's struggling with his family not wanting to move on.

958
01:06:04.060 --> 01:06:11.360
He doesn't care, he's choosing me, that's what he says, but he does care, but he doesn't.

959
01:06:11.360 --> 01:06:16.440
So that's the yellow flag on him.

960
01:06:16.440 --> 01:06:22.880
And then the guy an hour and a half away, I've known him less, driving the full time

961
01:06:22.880 --> 01:06:31.840
to meet me, wanting to take me, I mean, took me out to a relatively expensive date, has

962
01:06:31.840 --> 01:06:37.080
told me point blank after meeting me that he is extremely attracted to me and he doesn't

963
01:06:37.080 --> 01:06:44.320
care, he's going to continue to pursue me and just hopes he wins.

964
01:06:44.320 --> 01:06:51.400
He sees us as life partners, I mean, I'm talking, we've talked, both these guys, I'm

965
01:06:51.400 --> 01:06:56.680
like going hoarse because we talk at length, I know I break the rules with them, on the

966
01:06:56.680 --> 01:07:03.640
phone every day, maybe twice a day, constant texting.

967
01:07:03.640 --> 01:07:08.200
The yellow flag with him is, he said, he's on the Christian realm.

968
01:07:08.200 --> 01:07:12.800
I backed off and like grilling all the men, which I knew we weren't supposed to about

969
01:07:12.800 --> 01:07:16.280
their belief system.

970
01:07:16.280 --> 01:07:20.320
He's not opposed to going to church, he will go to church, he wants to go to my church,

971
01:07:20.320 --> 01:07:21.320
that's a nightmare.

972
01:07:21.320 --> 01:07:28.640
I've got the local guy going to my church now, he followed me to my church.

973
01:07:28.640 --> 01:07:36.800
This guy says he went to a Methodist church with his, he's divorced with his ex and he

974
01:07:36.800 --> 01:07:40.880
believes in God, but I know he's not the same level.

975
01:07:40.880 --> 01:07:46.760
I'm really, he said he would support me in every way, shape and form, he knows I'm in

976
01:07:46.760 --> 01:07:50.240
a lot of volunteer work at church, so I'm just struggling.

977
01:07:50.240 --> 01:07:57.480
I like them equally, I mean, both of them have, the first one that I've known the longest

978
01:07:57.480 --> 01:08:04.440
has come right out and declared, he loves me, he loves me, over and over, and the other

979
01:08:04.440 --> 01:08:09.920
one has not used the word, but he keeps saying, I care about you, I want you in my life, you

980
01:08:09.960 --> 01:08:15.280
know, I told him about blessing and blocking a couple of times, halfheartedly, and he said

981
01:08:15.280 --> 01:08:19.319
don't block me, please don't, I'll be your friend forever even, but don't block me.

982
01:08:19.319 --> 01:08:23.240
So I'm like, I'm in a quandary, I mean, how long do you carry these men?

983
01:08:23.240 --> 01:08:31.640
Okay, so a couple things, so he's been divorced, the long distance one, we're going to call

984
01:08:31.640 --> 01:08:36.080
him long distance one, he's been divorced, does he have kids?

985
01:08:36.080 --> 01:08:41.880
He has a son that lives near him, supportive of him.

986
01:08:41.880 --> 01:08:49.800
Okay, and then how's his relationship with his former wife?

987
01:08:49.800 --> 01:08:57.920
He says they ended on good terms, she lives in another state somewhere, so no contact,

988
01:08:57.920 --> 01:09:03.560
he said that they talk as friends occasionally about their son and stuff, all kids are grown

989
01:09:03.560 --> 01:09:04.560
up.

990
01:09:04.560 --> 01:09:07.720
Yeah, I mean, and that's what I was going to say, that's probably like, again, I'm just

991
01:09:07.720 --> 01:09:13.080
trying to feel that out, because again, you had the other one who's got family that's

992
01:09:13.080 --> 01:09:14.720
not quite moved on.

993
01:09:14.720 --> 01:09:22.279
I'm guessing like his kids, now I'm talking about local guy, I'm guessing his kids, it

994
01:09:22.279 --> 01:09:24.120
was their mother that passed away?

995
01:09:24.120 --> 01:09:25.120
Yes.

996
01:09:25.120 --> 01:09:27.640
Okay, so yeah, so they're still mourning that as well.

997
01:09:27.640 --> 01:09:28.640
Okay.

998
01:09:28.640 --> 01:09:29.640
Six years ago.

999
01:09:29.640 --> 01:09:30.640
Yeah.

1000
01:09:30.640 --> 01:09:35.120
Do you know how she passed?

1001
01:09:35.120 --> 01:09:44.600
At home with cancer, local guy number one, he still talks about her and cries.

1002
01:09:44.600 --> 01:09:48.800
But he said he needs to move on and she would want him, actually the dating app that I met

1003
01:09:48.800 --> 01:09:56.160
him on, his wife, before she passed, put his profile on her phone and told, and he left

1004
01:09:56.160 --> 01:09:58.960
it for him to find someone else.

1005
01:09:58.960 --> 01:09:59.680
That's how I met him.

1006
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.960
Okay, have this is where Okay, so because you're this is like

1007
01:10:06.960 --> 01:10:10.800
level two, like level two for both of them. Right? And you're

1008
01:10:10.800 --> 01:10:15.720
getting into those later stages of level two relationships. Have

1009
01:10:15.720 --> 01:10:19.800
you clearly with the local guy, he's going to your church, so

1010
01:10:19.800 --> 01:10:23.840
he sees you in his community. Do you see him in in, in his

1011
01:10:23.840 --> 01:10:28.560
community? Like, do you spend time at all with family or

1012
01:10:28.560 --> 01:10:33.200
friends of his? I met he took me around. I loved it. He took

1013
01:10:33.200 --> 01:10:36.360
me on his he plowing job. He has heavy equipment. And I love to

1014
01:10:36.360 --> 01:10:39.880
plow. So long story short, we're on a plowing date. And he took

1015
01:10:39.880 --> 01:10:44.040
me around to his local family and introduce me. And they seem

1016
01:10:44.040 --> 01:10:49.760
to get along with me fine. And I got along with them. The problem

1017
01:10:49.760 --> 01:10:57.160
is I don't swear. So now you're talking this guy. He comes from

1018
01:10:57.160 --> 01:11:02.480
a rough background. His family is as not Christian. And they

1019
01:11:02.480 --> 01:11:07.320
don't like number one. They don't like the changes he's

1020
01:11:07.320 --> 01:11:13.720
making of telling them you know, not swearing. Going to church.

1021
01:11:13.960 --> 01:11:20.440
It's foreign to his family. Okay. They might think he's in

1022
01:11:20.440 --> 01:11:23.800
a cult family. It's not so much. It's not so much him. It's more

1023
01:11:23.800 --> 01:11:30.160
so the family. Right? Yeah. Now, do you see the other guy in

1024
01:11:30.160 --> 01:11:38.520
his community? Do you know? No, I don't. I haven't. I haven't. He

1025
01:11:38.680 --> 01:11:42.400
wanted me to come to his house and stuff. But I said, you know,

1026
01:11:42.400 --> 01:11:45.200
I don't do houses back and forth. Although the guy number

1027
01:11:45.200 --> 01:11:47.640
one I've known longest I've been to his house several times and

1028
01:11:47.640 --> 01:11:54.720
he's come to mind. Okay. The long distance guy does he have

1029
01:11:55.040 --> 01:11:59.120
other people that he like does life with like, well, the

1030
01:11:59.120 --> 01:12:05.520
strange part is, this is really his next door neighbor is

1031
01:12:05.520 --> 01:12:13.160
related to my first husband's wife. So he he knows about my

1032
01:12:13.160 --> 01:12:17.200
first husband. And we've had a couple of commonalities even

1033
01:12:17.200 --> 01:12:23.360
though he's an hour and a half away. He's in. So his come No,

1034
01:12:23.360 --> 01:12:27.200
I have not been in his community. Okay, I've been in

1035
01:12:27.200 --> 01:12:30.400
community outside of his community, you know, to see his

1036
01:12:30.400 --> 01:12:32.800
responses at restaurants and stuff like that.

1037
01:12:33.040 --> 01:12:39.600
Time like just kind of seeing what his world is like having

1038
01:12:39.600 --> 01:12:41.720
him in your like that kind of thing. Again, this is gonna be

1039
01:12:41.720 --> 01:12:46.840
tricky because you have a local guy that's kind of at your

1040
01:12:46.840 --> 01:12:56.640
church. I this is ladies you think this is a good problem to

1041
01:12:56.640 --> 01:13:00.480
have you want to know tricky I went to the movies with this I

1042
01:13:00.480 --> 01:13:05.440
went to the movies with the local guy. And my ex husband was

1043
01:13:05.440 --> 01:13:08.600
in the same theater, two seats back across the aisle.

1044
01:13:08.600 --> 01:13:20.640
Girl. Yeah, so this one again, you're it's, it's, it's going to

1045
01:13:20.640 --> 01:13:25.720
take some time. I think the first thing that comes to mind

1046
01:13:25.720 --> 01:13:30.080
is scaling back a little bit. You're spending a lot of time

1047
01:13:30.080 --> 01:13:32.920
with each of them. And that's probably why it's getting really

1048
01:13:32.920 --> 01:13:39.720
confusing. Okay. I definitely keep an eye on the yellow flag

1049
01:13:39.720 --> 01:13:45.960
with the family of the one that's widowed. That sounds

1050
01:13:46.000 --> 01:13:49.680
like you get in relationship with that, like you're gonna

1051
01:13:49.680 --> 01:13:56.480
have, you're gonna have family stuff that will cause friction.

1052
01:13:56.680 --> 01:13:59.720
Okay. And that's, that's just, you know, sometimes that

1053
01:13:59.720 --> 01:14:04.200
happens. The other guy, I would like to see you get to know more

1054
01:14:04.240 --> 01:14:09.360
of the people in his community to get to know him better. Okay.

1055
01:14:10.120 --> 01:14:17.840
I think spend some time with him in his world. To see how he

1056
01:14:17.840 --> 01:14:22.880
shows up authentically because you're not in his world every

1057
01:14:22.880 --> 01:14:26.280
day. Y'all are talking every day, but you're not seeing what

1058
01:14:26.280 --> 01:14:33.040
life looks like with him. Okay. Getting around his what his

1059
01:14:33.040 --> 01:14:38.280
daily life is like, going like, what is he? What grocery stores

1060
01:14:38.280 --> 01:14:41.480
does he visit? Does he, is there, you know, activities that

1061
01:14:41.480 --> 01:14:44.800
he does people that he spends time with? Is he just, does he

1062
01:14:44.800 --> 01:14:47.960
sit and spend time with his neighbor? Does you know, every

1063
01:14:47.960 --> 01:14:51.280
day have like, you know, five o'clock they have like iced tea

1064
01:14:51.280 --> 01:14:54.480
or whatever, like hang out together. Like, what does that

1065
01:14:54.480 --> 01:14:59.720
look like? And spend time in his world. You spent some time in the

1066
01:14:59.720 --> 01:14:59.880
other

1067
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.600
I want you to spend some time in long distance guys world and really see what that looks

1068
01:15:05.600 --> 01:15:07.100
like.

1069
01:15:07.100 --> 01:15:16.640
Try to just not spend so much time with both of them every single day.

1070
01:15:16.640 --> 01:15:21.120
Like allow yourself some space, leave some space for you.

1071
01:15:21.120 --> 01:15:30.920
I mean, and you can say that like, look, I, I need to spend time with me as well and kind

1072
01:15:30.920 --> 01:15:35.080
of see, and let's just, let's pace it slowly again.

1073
01:15:35.080 --> 01:15:41.160
I don't want you to feel like you're forced to have to make a decision right away.

1074
01:15:41.160 --> 01:15:44.400
And if you need to, if you need to put up a boundary, you can let them know, like I

1075
01:15:44.400 --> 01:15:46.220
need you to give me time.

1076
01:15:46.220 --> 01:15:56.480
And I need you to kind of not be so pursuant where it's like, it's a competition.

1077
01:15:56.480 --> 01:16:00.580
You could share that if that's what you're truly feeling, if it feels very much like

1078
01:16:00.580 --> 01:16:04.400
they're just competing against each other and that they're kind of going over the top

1079
01:16:04.400 --> 01:16:11.920
because they're competitive, you can share that, say, look, I need to see you in authentic

1080
01:16:11.920 --> 01:16:19.920
here and now, and I need to be able to show you who I am in my here and now, and we need

1081
01:16:19.920 --> 01:16:30.440
to, you know, slow it down a bit and spend time in each other's world.

1082
01:16:30.440 --> 01:16:34.480
Like make time for that, especially long distance guy.

1083
01:16:34.480 --> 01:16:35.480
Okay.

1084
01:16:35.480 --> 01:16:36.480
Yeah.

1085
01:16:36.480 --> 01:16:37.480
I like that.

1086
01:16:37.480 --> 01:16:38.480
Sarah shell.

1087
01:16:38.480 --> 01:16:40.440
That's, that's a good question too.

1088
01:16:40.440 --> 01:16:42.480
I'm glad that you mentioned that.

1089
01:16:42.480 --> 01:16:53.600
So Sarah's all saying like, you know, if the first man's, you know, wife knew like she

1090
01:16:53.600 --> 01:17:01.680
wanted him to date, wouldn't the kids have known that that was their mom's desire.

1091
01:17:01.680 --> 01:17:10.320
And so actually, yeah, actually, um, he, he went to them and told

1092
01:17:11.200 --> 01:17:18.120
them that if they create a problem, uh, in his relationship with me, that he's going

1093
01:17:18.120 --> 01:17:22.920
to have to step back because he did tell him that's what your mom would have wanted me

1094
01:17:22.920 --> 01:17:23.920
to do.

1095
01:17:23.920 --> 01:17:28.200
Even though you're struggling with it, she's not replacing your mom.

1096
01:17:28.200 --> 01:17:34.360
He already gave me that lecture and told them, you know, I'm just going to have to pull away

1097
01:17:34.360 --> 01:17:36.200
from you if you're going to interfere.

1098
01:17:36.200 --> 01:17:39.960
So I feel like these men are making major changes.

1099
01:17:39.960 --> 01:17:42.320
So long distance guy might want to join your group.

1100
01:17:42.320 --> 01:17:43.320
Yeah.

1101
01:17:43.320 --> 01:17:45.360
Let's, let's, let's just, let's just sit this weekend.

1102
01:17:45.360 --> 01:17:50.280
Like, let's just still kind of now that you know, myself and then Ebony can probably see

1103
01:17:50.280 --> 01:17:51.920
on the, on the app as well.

1104
01:17:51.920 --> 01:17:56.800
And I can fill her into, and we can kind of, let's spend some time and let's, let's see

1105
01:17:56.800 --> 01:17:58.800
how these guys show up this week.

1106
01:17:58.800 --> 01:18:02.960
Let's see what things that you can put into place and let's just see what God wants to

1107
01:18:02.960 --> 01:18:05.760
reveal a place in this.

1108
01:18:05.760 --> 01:18:06.760
Yeah.

1109
01:18:06.760 --> 01:18:07.760
Let's do that again.

1110
01:18:07.760 --> 01:18:08.760
I don't want us to rush.

1111
01:18:08.760 --> 01:18:10.720
I don't want you rushing into anything.

1112
01:18:10.720 --> 01:18:11.720
Okay.

1113
01:18:11.720 --> 01:18:12.720
Okay.

1114
01:18:12.720 --> 01:18:13.720
Yeah.

1115
01:18:13.720 --> 01:18:16.840
But yeah, definitely keep us informed of what's happening.

1116
01:18:16.840 --> 01:18:20.160
I want to see you take some of the time that you spend chatting with them.

1117
01:18:20.160 --> 01:18:22.160
I want you posting in our app.

1118
01:18:22.160 --> 01:18:23.840
I need to.

1119
01:18:23.840 --> 01:18:24.840
Okay.

1120
01:18:24.840 --> 01:18:29.720
So that we can stay on board and we can know like what's, what's going on on the daily.

1121
01:18:29.720 --> 01:18:32.920
So we can kind of help navigate that for you as well.

1122
01:18:32.920 --> 01:18:35.080
Does that sound like a plan?

1123
01:18:35.080 --> 01:18:36.080
Okay.

1124
01:18:36.560 --> 01:18:41.120
The first guy I should be spending more time with in his community, he, he, I just dated

1125
01:18:41.120 --> 01:18:46.280
him yesterday and he wants to go on one Thursday.

1126
01:18:46.280 --> 01:18:48.400
But is that too soon or?

1127
01:18:48.400 --> 01:18:56.320
I think if you can like two or three, like two dates a week, it's probably good.

1128
01:18:56.320 --> 01:18:58.160
One to two dates a week.

1129
01:18:58.160 --> 01:19:00.360
Is that doable?

1130
01:19:00.360 --> 01:19:01.360
Yeah.

1131
01:19:01.360 --> 01:19:02.360
I'm retired.

1132
01:19:02.360 --> 01:19:03.360
Okay.

1133
01:19:03.360 --> 01:19:04.840
Unfortunately they are too.

1134
01:19:04.840 --> 01:19:05.840
That's surprising.

1135
01:19:06.600 --> 01:19:09.960
I'm still trying to even, I'm like, okay, this is, I'm having to take in consideration

1136
01:19:09.960 --> 01:19:16.000
like where y'all are at in your life that you do have more time.

1137
01:19:16.000 --> 01:19:21.520
And then where they're at in their relationships with their kids, it will look slightly different.

1138
01:19:21.520 --> 01:19:27.440
And so I want us to make sure that we're directing and guiding you in the best way possible.

1139
01:19:27.440 --> 01:19:33.760
Should I move to three or is that going to be way too confusing phase three?

1140
01:19:33.760 --> 01:19:35.560
You can stick around here for a little bit.

1141
01:19:36.280 --> 01:19:42.800
Yeah, that might, that might get really, so there's a lot more in that community.

1142
01:19:42.800 --> 01:19:48.960
And then this way, like we can help you navigate through this season right now with the two.

1143
01:19:48.960 --> 01:19:52.800
And then after we kind of get into that, then you can probably move over to phase three

1144
01:19:52.800 --> 01:19:53.800
for sure.

1145
01:19:53.800 --> 01:19:54.800
Okay.

1146
01:19:54.800 --> 01:19:55.800
Yeah.

1147
01:19:55.800 --> 01:19:56.800
Thank you.

1148
01:19:56.800 --> 01:19:59.280
But yeah, if you want to, if you want to stick it out for some more weeks here, that's totally

1149
01:19:59.280 --> 01:20:00.000
fine with us.

1150
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.000
Okay.

1151
01:20:01.000 --> 01:20:02.000
Sound good?

1152
01:20:02.000 --> 01:20:03.000
Sounds good.

1153
01:20:03.000 --> 01:20:04.000
Thank you so much.

1154
01:20:04.000 --> 01:20:05.000
I appreciate it.

1155
01:20:05.000 --> 01:20:06.000
You're so welcome.

1156
01:20:06.000 --> 01:20:07.000
All right.

1157
01:20:07.000 --> 01:20:08.000
Karen, you're up.

1158
01:20:08.000 --> 01:20:09.000
Yeah.

1159
01:20:09.000 --> 01:20:14.560
First, I just want to let you know I identify with what you're dealing with, and I'm praying

1160
01:20:14.560 --> 01:20:15.560
for you.

1161
01:20:15.560 --> 01:20:16.560
Thank you.

1162
01:20:16.560 --> 01:20:17.560
I just want to let you know.

1163
01:20:17.560 --> 01:20:18.560
I care.

1164
01:20:18.560 --> 01:20:19.560
I understand.

1165
01:20:19.560 --> 01:20:20.560
We need grace.

1166
01:20:20.560 --> 01:20:21.560
Grace?

1167
01:20:21.560 --> 01:20:22.560
Oh, that was Saturday, wasn't it?

1168
01:20:22.560 --> 01:20:25.920
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that first.

1169
01:20:26.920 --> 01:20:30.760
I realized in the last week I've been dealing with a lot of different things on different

1170
01:20:30.760 --> 01:20:39.760
levels, like physical, and then what to do with two men, and just some different things.

1171
01:20:39.760 --> 01:20:44.760
So I've been very much like I'm taking great care of myself first.

1172
01:20:44.760 --> 01:20:47.740
I've been doing that for years, and I have to keep on doing it.

1173
01:20:47.740 --> 01:20:50.320
So that's a foundation kind of thing.

1174
01:20:50.320 --> 01:20:57.520
I did post something, but somebody else posted a comment before you all saw it in the whatever

1175
01:20:57.520 --> 01:20:58.520
it's called.

1176
01:20:58.520 --> 01:20:59.520
Okay.

1177
01:20:59.520 --> 01:21:01.240
So myself and Ebony haven't gotten to it yet, then.

1178
01:21:01.240 --> 01:21:02.240
And that's okay.

1179
01:21:02.240 --> 01:21:03.240
That's okay.

1180
01:21:03.240 --> 01:21:04.240
It was only yesterday I put it.

1181
01:21:04.240 --> 01:21:05.240
Okay.

1182
01:21:05.240 --> 01:21:07.840
And I actually put a new post in to say, hey, this happened.

1183
01:21:07.840 --> 01:21:08.840
Okay.

1184
01:21:08.840 --> 01:21:09.840
Thank you.

1185
01:21:09.840 --> 01:21:10.840
Thank you.

1186
01:21:10.840 --> 01:21:11.840
I did that.

1187
01:21:11.840 --> 01:21:12.840
Yeah.

1188
01:21:12.840 --> 01:21:15.440
I haven't gone on today, but I was in for most of the day yesterday.

1189
01:21:15.440 --> 01:21:19.680
So you probably posted after I was already out, so that's good.

1190
01:21:20.040 --> 01:21:21.040
No problem.

1191
01:21:21.040 --> 01:21:22.960
Just good information.

1192
01:21:22.960 --> 01:21:27.040
The one thing I want to ask about is with one man in particular that I've been dealing

1193
01:21:27.040 --> 01:21:35.520
with, and basically after like about three and a half days, he texted something and just

1194
01:21:35.520 --> 01:21:38.720
writing referring to me as deer.

1195
01:21:38.720 --> 01:21:39.720
You know?

1196
01:21:39.720 --> 01:21:40.720
Okay.

1197
01:21:40.720 --> 01:21:45.080
I think I briefly saw that before I jumped on this call, and then he still responded

1198
01:21:45.080 --> 01:21:48.320
to you with deer.

1199
01:21:48.320 --> 01:21:49.320
That's it.

1200
01:21:49.680 --> 01:21:50.680
I know.

1201
01:21:50.680 --> 01:21:51.680
I know.

1202
01:21:51.680 --> 01:21:52.680
I know.

1203
01:21:52.680 --> 01:21:53.680
I know.

1204
01:21:53.680 --> 01:21:54.680
I know.

1205
01:21:54.680 --> 01:21:55.680
Did you respond back to him and just say, hey, that was not okay?

1206
01:21:55.680 --> 01:21:56.680
Yeah.

1207
01:21:56.680 --> 01:22:00.560
You know, I actually wrote something down to put it in to just check with you all, because

1208
01:22:00.560 --> 01:22:03.400
I like to be affirming and also firm.

1209
01:22:03.400 --> 01:22:04.400
You know?

1210
01:22:04.400 --> 01:22:05.400
Yeah.

1211
01:22:05.400 --> 01:22:06.400
You just have a good healthy boundary.

1212
01:22:06.400 --> 01:22:07.400
Yeah.

1213
01:22:07.400 --> 01:22:08.400
Yeah.

1214
01:22:08.400 --> 01:22:09.400
I knew.

1215
01:22:09.400 --> 01:22:13.080
It's like, hey, you're not hearing me, you know?

1216
01:22:13.080 --> 01:22:16.360
But what I wrote was, what was it?

1217
01:22:16.360 --> 01:22:18.880
Oh, thank you for letting me know what's happening with you.

1218
01:22:19.440 --> 01:22:23.600
Also, as much as I want to continue to get to know you better, I still feel uncomfortable

1219
01:22:23.600 --> 01:22:28.280
with you calling me deer instead of Karen, since we don't know each other well.

1220
01:22:28.280 --> 01:22:33.360
So I need for you to respect this limit in order for us to keep on getting to know each

1221
01:22:33.360 --> 01:22:34.360
other better.

1222
01:22:34.360 --> 01:22:35.360
Can that work for you?

1223
01:22:35.360 --> 01:22:36.360
Okay.

1224
01:22:36.360 --> 01:22:37.360
So I'm giving him a choice.

1225
01:22:37.360 --> 01:22:42.580
I would say, I feel like you already gave him a choice in the beginning by letting him,

1226
01:22:42.580 --> 01:22:44.720
you expressed already you didn't like that.

1227
01:22:44.720 --> 01:22:45.720
Right.

1228
01:22:45.720 --> 01:22:46.720
Right.

1229
01:22:46.720 --> 01:22:51.400
And I found in his response to that, did the very thing that you said you were uncomfortable

1230
01:22:51.400 --> 01:22:52.400
with.

1231
01:22:52.400 --> 01:22:53.400
Yeah.

1232
01:22:53.400 --> 01:22:54.400
I didn't like that.

1233
01:22:54.400 --> 01:22:55.400
I didn't like that either.

1234
01:22:55.400 --> 01:22:58.120
That's a, you didn't respect my boundary.

1235
01:22:58.120 --> 01:22:59.120
Absolutely.

1236
01:22:59.120 --> 01:23:06.840
If you feel comfortable saying it one more time and firmly, and if he doesn't respect

1237
01:23:06.840 --> 01:23:14.000
it, then that's when I would say it's a blessing, but so if he comes back and gets defensive,

1238
01:23:14.000 --> 01:23:17.120
my suggestion would be don't even respond to him.

1239
01:23:17.120 --> 01:23:19.160
That's when you block them.

1240
01:23:19.160 --> 01:23:20.160
Yeah.

1241
01:23:20.160 --> 01:23:21.160
What would him?

1242
01:23:21.160 --> 01:23:22.160
Yep.

1243
01:23:22.160 --> 01:23:24.880
And if he's going to get defensive about it, okay, absolutely.

1244
01:23:24.880 --> 01:23:30.560
If he's going to show up, he like apologetically, I am really sorry.

1245
01:23:30.560 --> 01:23:34.960
It sounds like you're willing to give grace and say, okay.

1246
01:23:34.960 --> 01:23:37.720
So I'm going to let you be the call of that 100%.

1247
01:23:37.720 --> 01:23:42.120
So if you, it sounds like you're good giving one more opportunity, which I love that.

1248
01:23:42.120 --> 01:23:43.120
I love that ladies.

1249
01:23:43.240 --> 01:23:44.240
I love it.

1250
01:23:44.240 --> 01:23:49.440
I love it when you are good with giving the grace, but I don't want you ladies giving

1251
01:23:49.440 --> 01:23:55.360
grace where then you, you are not honoring your own boundaries.

1252
01:23:55.360 --> 01:23:56.360
Absolutely.

1253
01:23:56.360 --> 01:23:57.360
Absolutely.

1254
01:23:57.360 --> 01:23:58.360
Karen.

1255
01:23:58.360 --> 01:24:02.160
I know she's, she, I know she's going to hold truth to her boundary.

1256
01:24:02.160 --> 01:24:08.000
Like she's, she's been in our face for a couple of weeks and I know like I have full confidence

1257
01:24:08.000 --> 01:24:14.600
that you are very much, you know, solid in who you are and that's not, that's not something

1258
01:24:14.600 --> 01:24:16.880
that I'm concerned with you at all.

1259
01:24:16.880 --> 01:24:18.520
So I would say, go for it.

1260
01:24:18.520 --> 01:24:23.960
Give him that one more opportunity, hard boundary.

1261
01:24:23.960 --> 01:24:29.200
And then if he's see how he responds and again, it's either, it's going to either, it's either

1262
01:24:29.200 --> 01:24:34.760
going to be like a, I'm really, I'm going to honor it or he's not.

1263
01:24:34.760 --> 01:24:38.800
If he's not, I wouldn't even give him a third chance.

1264
01:24:38.800 --> 01:24:39.800
I would.

1265
01:24:39.800 --> 01:24:40.800
Yeah.

1266
01:24:40.800 --> 01:24:41.800
My natural tendency.

1267
01:24:41.800 --> 01:24:42.800
Let him know.

1268
01:24:42.800 --> 01:24:45.200
You're like, thanks for letting me know.

1269
01:24:45.200 --> 01:24:46.800
And then block.

1270
01:24:46.800 --> 01:24:50.640
My natural tendency, if you all have helped me with this is to say goodbye too soon.

1271
01:24:50.640 --> 01:24:52.280
It was like, Oh, you did it.

1272
01:24:52.280 --> 01:24:53.280
All right.

1273
01:24:53.280 --> 01:24:54.280
Goodbye.

1274
01:24:54.280 --> 01:24:55.280
No.

1275
01:24:55.280 --> 01:24:58.600
So it's giving grace, but not extending it too much.

1276
01:24:58.600 --> 01:24:59.600
Yes.

1277
01:24:59.600 --> 01:24:59.600


1278
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.920
it down before we give someone an opportunity to show up as themselves.

1279
01:25:05.200 --> 01:25:09.520
One of the things I've learned to do, I've been practicing for years is give people choices.

1280
01:25:09.520 --> 01:25:13.040
Yeah. And this time it's a choice with a consequence.

1281
01:25:13.680 --> 01:25:16.080
Yeah. Cause I'm saying, if you, if you want us to get, you know,

1282
01:25:18.800 --> 01:25:20.480
yeah, so that's, that's the main thing.

1283
01:25:20.480 --> 01:25:22.400
Jesus had boundaries ladies.

1284
01:25:22.400 --> 01:25:25.200
Oh yeah. So that's good. I'm good with that.

1285
01:25:26.000 --> 01:25:27.840
Awesome. Let us know how that goes.

1286
01:25:28.800 --> 01:25:29.680
Yeah, I will.

1287
01:25:29.680 --> 01:25:31.200
Yeah. Let us know. Awesome.

1288
01:25:32.000 --> 01:25:34.880
Um, is it the same as Southerners calling you?

1289
01:25:35.760 --> 01:25:41.120
Madam? Um, how, how do you know, how do you know I am a deer?

1290
01:25:41.120 --> 01:25:46.400
Yeah, exactly. So yeah. And that's, again, it's everybody's preferences too.

1291
01:25:46.400 --> 01:25:55.280
Like, um, for some reason guys will want to say, Hey babe, I'm like, I'm not your babe.

1292
01:25:55.360 --> 01:25:59.040
I don't know you. I mean, like my husband and I call each other, babe. Like that's,

1293
01:25:59.040 --> 01:26:04.080
that's a term of an endearment that I use with my husband. I'm not like,

1294
01:26:05.200 --> 01:26:08.800
if I'm on an app, you don't need to call me, babe.

1295
01:26:10.160 --> 01:26:13.600
Like I get it. Some, some guys would be like, Hey, beautiful.

1296
01:26:14.240 --> 01:26:17.440
Like, again, they're just giving you a compliment again, if it's,

1297
01:26:18.000 --> 01:26:22.560
and there's nothing wrong if you, if you're okay with it, that's okay.

1298
01:26:23.520 --> 01:26:28.160
Some of us women don't like that. Like I don't like being called babe.

1299
01:26:29.360 --> 01:26:33.440
Now, if a guy says, Hey, beautiful, I find that to be complimenting.

1300
01:26:34.000 --> 01:26:40.480
I don't feel that to be as forceful or stress is stressing. So again, it's all of

1301
01:26:41.760 --> 01:26:47.200
the lesson here is it's all about you ladies being able to communicate what you're comfortable

1302
01:26:47.200 --> 01:26:52.400
with and what you're not. That's the whole point of discovery dating. What are your boundaries?

1303
01:26:52.560 --> 01:26:58.880
What do you like? What do you not like? What, what do you communicate and how do you communicate?

1304
01:26:59.440 --> 01:27:03.360
How did they communicate? How did they show up? How do you respond to how they show up

1305
01:27:04.720 --> 01:27:09.600
when they respond? How do you respond? This is all the discovery process

1306
01:27:10.560 --> 01:27:12.080
that will help you in a relationship.

1307
01:27:15.440 --> 01:27:19.040
A guy that says you'd rather be cuddling with you instead of being at work.

1308
01:27:19.760 --> 01:27:24.400
Uh, I don't typically like that. If you've not met him in person, just be like,

1309
01:27:24.880 --> 01:27:33.280
Oh, like, and again, you can, you can be nice about it and say, Hey, appreciate, you know,

1310
01:27:33.280 --> 01:27:37.920
that I don't know. Again, you can just be saying, I, I understand what you mean. Um,

1311
01:27:38.560 --> 01:27:45.920
I'm not comfortable with that. I know in today's age of dating, that's,

1312
01:27:46.560 --> 01:27:54.560
that is how people show up, but that's just, that's not something that I find attractive.

1313
01:27:55.840 --> 01:28:03.040
Like I'm not attracted to the physical talk with someone I don't know.

1314
01:28:04.880 --> 01:28:08.480
And there's ways of being able to communicate and we can play around with some wording. If you want

1315
01:28:08.480 --> 01:28:13.040
to, if you want some wording on that, post that in the app and we can give you some wording on that

1316
01:28:13.680 --> 01:28:18.160
and type it out. So you can just copy and paste if you need to. That's what I like to do. Sometimes

1317
01:28:18.800 --> 01:28:23.200
I do that for, for ladies all the time. I'm like, they're like, Hey, I like how you said that. Can

1318
01:28:23.200 --> 01:28:28.720
you, can you help me out with that? Especially if I do like one-on-one calls, they're like, wait,

1319
01:28:28.720 --> 01:28:33.040
what was it that you just said? And I'll have them like, I'll like, we will literally build

1320
01:28:33.040 --> 01:28:40.000
out like what to say. Um, yeah. So you're looking to move at a slower pace. Yes, exactly. Love that

1321
01:28:40.000 --> 01:28:47.040
Carrie, like keeping it friendly. Absolutely. Love, love, love, like putting that boundary up.

1322
01:28:47.040 --> 01:28:52.880
And again, it doesn't have to be a forceful like sort of thing where you have to make them feel

1323
01:28:52.880 --> 01:28:57.840
uncomfortable and just be like, Hey, like, are you cool? If we move at a sort of place, I don't

1324
01:28:57.840 --> 01:29:02.960
necessarily want to talk about cuddling when I haven't met yet. Why don't we get to know each

1325
01:29:02.960 --> 01:29:06.960
other and let's, let's get a day on the calendar where we can actually see each other in person.

1326
01:29:07.760 --> 01:29:14.560
Sometimes that can be a good segue of how to get off the, the chatting back and forth and get them

1327
01:29:14.560 --> 01:29:21.600
to, you know, light a fire under them to say, okay, let's, let's meet in person. Let's do something

1328
01:29:21.600 --> 01:29:27.280
here. Okay. All right. I've got time for one more. And then, um, so Michelle, I'm going to take yours,

1329
01:29:27.280 --> 01:29:32.960
Kelly, Kim, and Sonia, if you guys can post in the app, um, Michelle, I'm going to take your

1330
01:29:32.960 --> 01:29:40.320
question. Can we be short, brief and powerful? So we stay on time. Um, I just want to say that

1331
01:29:40.320 --> 01:29:51.360
Karen has helped me so much because I've had one guy that calls me beautiful ever. I mean, all the

1332
01:29:51.360 --> 01:29:59.920
time. Um, my question is there's a gentleman that

1333
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:13.400
lives like 100 miles away from me. Okay. And he has wanted to meet me. He came up here

1334
01:30:13.400 --> 01:30:23.320
on Friday to see his cousin. And I said, Well, why don't we do a coffee date? Okay. We never

1335
01:30:23.320 --> 01:30:30.200
got around to it because it was like 830 at night by the time that he contacted me.

1336
01:30:30.200 --> 01:30:35.440
And I said, you know, I have to walk late at night and that wouldn't be good. Okay,

1337
01:30:35.440 --> 01:30:43.800
good. I'm glad you stuck to your guns on that one. I love that. Um, so his question is,

1338
01:30:43.800 --> 01:30:51.400
if I came to meet you for coffee, is it just a coffee? Me? What if I want to spend two

1339
01:30:51.400 --> 01:31:02.960
hours with you before I drive 100 miles back home? And I came up with this suggestion like

1340
01:31:02.960 --> 01:31:14.080
we could meet at like Perkins for, you know, lunch. Yeah, have a lunch. What was his thought

1341
01:31:14.080 --> 01:31:20.280
on that? I have not told him because I have not had a chance. You know, this is the first

1342
01:31:20.280 --> 01:31:32.760
time I'm speaking with you. And you know, um, but he's the first guy that has been interested.

1343
01:31:32.760 --> 01:31:40.960
But God told me that he wasn't the person for me. Okay. How did God share that with

1344
01:31:40.960 --> 01:31:52.720
you? Um, I have this daily morning, like, I surrender to God and I pray. Then I asked,

1345
01:31:52.720 --> 01:31:59.920
you know, what is his vision for me? Like on marriage dating, it can be a number of

1346
01:31:59.920 --> 01:32:12.200
things. Um, and then I pray. So, you know, I don't know if it really was him. You know,

1347
01:32:12.200 --> 01:32:23.320
I'm taking it as a sign from him. Okay. Dating is totally new to me after like 15 years of

1348
01:32:23.320 --> 01:32:31.040
being married. Yeah. Have you been on any other dates prior to this gentleman? Okay.

1349
01:32:31.040 --> 01:32:35.680
So this is a new that, yeah, this is, you're stepping into some new territory here. It's a

1350
01:32:35.680 --> 01:32:42.480
little, it's a little unsettling, right? Yeah. That was very much me. I had, when I came into

1351
01:32:42.480 --> 01:32:48.960
this program, I hadn't dated in over like five years. I was like, that's why it took me so long

1352
01:32:48.960 --> 01:32:53.520
to call my first date. Cause I was like, I don't know if I want to do this. This is comfortable.

1353
01:32:53.520 --> 01:33:01.400
Um, and so I wouldn't, I wouldn't like, again, I'm not saying that God didn't say that he was

1354
01:33:01.400 --> 01:33:09.120
not your person. Do you feel at least comfortable with the whole discovery dating process? Are you

1355
01:33:09.280 --> 01:33:18.160
open to meeting this guy knowing that he's potentially not your person? Yes. Okay. Um,

1356
01:33:19.040 --> 01:33:24.800
so that's good. That's good. That shows me that you're like, Hey, I'm okay. That this guy is not

1357
01:33:24.800 --> 01:33:32.240
my person. I'm just wanting to get my feet wet here. And that's good. Okay. But what about like

1358
01:33:32.240 --> 01:33:38.080
him? Okay. So this is what you do. Okay. And it's funny that you mentioned this because it reminded

1359
01:33:38.080 --> 01:33:47.680
me of when my husband said something slightly similar and we still joke about it now. And

1360
01:33:48.720 --> 01:33:53.280
some of you ladies actually might remember me telling this story. So my husband and I,

1361
01:33:54.160 --> 01:33:57.760
I was living in Florida. He was living in Texas. I thought he lived in Florida.

1362
01:33:58.400 --> 01:34:02.000
And then he told me he lives in Texas. I'm like, well, my mentor, Jackie Dorman,

1363
01:34:02.000 --> 01:34:06.320
like told me I need to be opened to long distance. And so I was like, fine, we can,

1364
01:34:06.320 --> 01:34:13.120
we can get to know each other. So he traveled for work. His work office was in Florida,

1365
01:34:13.120 --> 01:34:16.480
which was an hour, like in Clearwater. And I was in Sarasota. So it's like an hour away.

1366
01:34:17.120 --> 01:34:25.520
And so he had to come on a work trip. And so he was going to be flying in. And so his question to

1367
01:34:25.520 --> 01:34:36.960
me was, well, if I come and, you know, meet you while I'm, you know, coming down for work,

1368
01:34:38.000 --> 01:34:41.760
I'm there for a weekend. Am I going to get to see you more than once?

1369
01:34:43.200 --> 01:34:46.640
So kind of similar to what this guy's saying, well, if I'm coming all this way,

1370
01:34:47.600 --> 01:34:55.760
am I going to get more time with you? Yeah. And it's funny because my response to him

1371
01:34:56.640 --> 01:34:59.920
and I had been in the, you know, I had been in this program now for two years.

1372
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.120
for a little over two years at this point. So I had lots of

1373
01:35:03.120 --> 01:35:08.320
coaching, lots of, you know, women's, you know, experiences,

1374
01:35:08.360 --> 01:35:14.340
things of that nature, lots of Jackie in my ear. And my

1375
01:35:14.340 --> 01:35:20.600
response to him was, well, I don't know, I, I can we meet

1376
01:35:20.600 --> 01:35:26.280
first? Yeah, it was like, that's not a question that I can

1377
01:35:26.280 --> 01:35:31.240
answer, because I don't know how we're going to get along. Right.

1378
01:35:31.640 --> 01:35:36.840
And so I'm like, I want to meet you. I don't know. After we

1379
01:35:36.840 --> 01:35:41.080
spend an hour together, if, if I'm going to, if we're going to

1380
01:35:41.080 --> 01:35:45.040
want to spend any more time together. That's kind of how I

1381
01:35:45.040 --> 01:35:50.320
presented it to him. I'm like, um, well, I can't let you know

1382
01:35:50.320 --> 01:35:52.840
if you're going to see me more than once, because I haven't

1383
01:35:52.840 --> 01:35:56.000
met you. So let's meet first. And then we can decide if we

1384
01:35:56.000 --> 01:35:59.920
spend more time together. So you could even say that, like,

1385
01:36:00.040 --> 01:36:03.120
well, why don't we meet for coffee? And then if things are

1386
01:36:03.120 --> 01:36:06.680
going well, then maybe we could go to lunch. Or maybe we could

1387
01:36:06.680 --> 01:36:11.000
start off with lunch. And then after lunch, if we want to go,

1388
01:36:11.320 --> 01:36:16.720
you know, bowling or go to a farmer's market, whatever it is,

1389
01:36:16.720 --> 01:36:18.960
like if there's something in the area that you know, you could

1390
01:36:18.960 --> 01:36:22.480
suggest like, you can say, well, let's go do this. And if things

1391
01:36:22.480 --> 01:36:24.920
go well, and we enjoy each other's company, and we're

1392
01:36:24.920 --> 01:36:29.240
getting along, then we can go do something else. Okay, I want

1393
01:36:29.240 --> 01:36:32.000
to respect the fact that you are driving some way. I understand

1394
01:36:32.000 --> 01:36:34.120
that. Again, it was the same thing with my husband. My

1395
01:36:34.120 --> 01:36:37.360
husband was taking a flight. Now granted, he was working, but he

1396
01:36:37.360 --> 01:36:41.720
was having to take work off. Like, it was during his busy,

1397
01:36:41.720 --> 01:36:44.760
busy time of season. And he actually got reprimanded for

1398
01:36:44.760 --> 01:36:47.960
leaving work early, even though our dinner date, I think was at

1399
01:36:47.960 --> 01:36:50.320
like nine o'clock at night. He says it was eight. But I swear,

1400
01:36:50.320 --> 01:36:52.440
I was like, I think it was nine o'clock at night. I'm like,

1401
01:36:53.120 --> 01:36:59.280
I'm like, I'm in bed by nine o'clock. I have you. And so but

1402
01:36:59.320 --> 01:37:02.480
he got reprimanded. And I didn't know that until later, you know,

1403
01:37:02.520 --> 01:37:05.840
obviously, when we were dating, and then we, you know, get

1404
01:37:05.840 --> 01:37:08.640
married, and he's going through this season. He's like, Yeah, I

1405
01:37:08.840 --> 01:37:13.160
literally like, you don't get this time of season is like, I'm

1406
01:37:13.160 --> 01:37:17.640
working 14 hours a day. And so that's, that's how I would

1407
01:37:17.640 --> 01:37:21.400
present it. And then when I said that, like my husband, he didn't

1408
01:37:21.400 --> 01:37:23.960
at the moment, he didn't tell me this was what was going on in

1409
01:37:23.960 --> 01:37:28.520
his head. But like, after, like, we were exclusive, he and we

1410
01:37:28.520 --> 01:37:31.040
talked about our story. And like, when people asked us how

1411
01:37:31.040 --> 01:37:35.480
we met, he then told me, he's like, Yeah, when you said that

1412
01:37:35.480 --> 01:37:40.400
to me, his thought was, Oh, she's right. What if she's

1413
01:37:40.400 --> 01:37:48.320
crazy? He was like, maybe I don't what if she's crazy, I

1414
01:37:48.320 --> 01:37:51.760
don't necessarily want to see her another time. So he thought

1415
01:37:51.760 --> 01:37:54.680
it was funny. It was kind of a check for him when I was like,

1416
01:37:55.000 --> 01:38:00.600
uh, let's wait and see how our meeting goes. And we'll see what

1417
01:38:00.680 --> 01:38:05.040
happens from there. So does that help? Like, does that does that

1418
01:38:05.040 --> 01:38:09.000
give you? Yeah, it does navigate that. Okay.

1419
01:38:09.800 --> 01:38:15.360
The other thing is, and I know he's gonna ask because he is a

1420
01:38:15.360 --> 01:38:22.800
gentleman. Um, I don't drive. Okay, so I would have to take

1421
01:38:22.800 --> 01:38:30.000
an Uber there. Now, what if he asks, Well, can I take you home?

1422
01:38:31.160 --> 01:38:37.160
Um, I would say no. Okay. Thank you. But no, no, thank you.

1423
01:38:37.200 --> 01:38:41.280
Yeah, appreciate the offer. Once we've gotten to know each other

1424
01:38:41.280 --> 01:38:44.400
a little better than that would be an option. Or you can even

1425
01:38:44.400 --> 01:38:47.600
say until I'm in an exclusive relationship, I don't allow men

1426
01:38:47.600 --> 01:38:52.800
to drive me to my home. Okay. I mean, again, somewhat similar

1427
01:38:52.800 --> 01:38:56.000
thing happened to me that I had to use, you know, my husband

1428
01:38:56.000 --> 01:38:59.400
wanted to kiss me on the first date and I said no. Yeah. And

1429
01:38:59.400 --> 01:39:02.840
not until I'm in an exclusive relationship. You know, didn't

1430
01:39:02.840 --> 01:39:05.840
mean that I didn't want to I did I was a kissing bandit ladies. I

1431
01:39:05.840 --> 01:39:09.840
loved kissing, you know, but that was something that was very

1432
01:39:09.840 --> 01:39:13.280
important to me that I was not going to kiss anybody. And I

1433
01:39:13.280 --> 01:39:18.160
suggest and encourage that for all of you ladies. Don't don't

1434
01:39:18.160 --> 01:39:21.600
get physical, not even the kissing, not even just the

1435
01:39:21.600 --> 01:39:25.280
pecking until you're in exclusive level three where

1436
01:39:25.280 --> 01:39:29.680
you're just seeing that person. I really like I'm an advocate

1437
01:39:29.680 --> 01:39:34.160
for that. From someone who used to not do that. Then just

1438
01:39:34.160 --> 01:39:39.120
someone who did that. I'm telling you. It was really

1439
01:39:39.120 --> 01:39:41.520
important. So yeah, if he asked that because he's a gentleman

1440
01:39:41.600 --> 01:39:45.520
say thank you. I and you can say thank you so much for being

1441
01:39:45.520 --> 01:39:48.400
and being a gentleman and offering it. I really appreciate

1442
01:39:48.400 --> 01:39:54.080
that. I just have, you know, a standard that I go by for my own

1443
01:39:54.080 --> 01:39:58.160
well-being is I don't allow anyone that I'm not in an

1444
01:39:58.160 --> 01:40:01.920
exclusive relationship of an.

1445
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:05.920
of the opposite sex to drive me home, unless there's someone that is a close friend of

1446
01:40:05.920 --> 01:40:14.680
mine, um, known for some time. Okay. And again, that's a boundary and how he responds will

1447
01:40:14.680 --> 01:40:23.800
show you a lot of how you move forward or if he gets defensive, if he criticizes, that's

1448
01:40:23.800 --> 01:40:31.640
the, that's a sign that that's it, that that's the first and only date you go on. Okay. Okay.

1449
01:40:31.640 --> 01:40:36.920
Thank you. I love, I love the idea of Uber because then you can even tell the Uber driver,

1450
01:40:36.920 --> 01:40:47.680
Hey, can you do some different loops around before getting to my house? Like again, ladies,

1451
01:40:47.680 --> 01:40:54.040
it's important to be smart with, with your dating too. And we, we talk about that, um,

1452
01:40:54.040 --> 01:41:00.400
in this phase a lot too, is ways to stay safe. We don't want you to be like in constant,

1453
01:41:00.400 --> 01:41:04.720
like I'm in danger mode, you know, remember you're, you're God defended you and yourself,

1454
01:41:04.720 --> 01:41:09.720
you know, you're not defended and God protected. We don't need to be self-defended and self-protected,

1455
01:41:09.720 --> 01:41:15.360
but we need to be smart too. Okay. We're not just going out there thinking, Oh God's going

1456
01:41:15.360 --> 01:41:23.720
to save me. But God gives us wisdom to not make some stupid choices too. Like it's not just God

1457
01:41:23.720 --> 01:41:29.920
just come in and swooping in and helping us. Like he helps us by giving us wisdom and discernment

1458
01:41:29.920 --> 01:41:36.400
to walk out what things we need to do. We just don't want to have these walls up to the point

1459
01:41:36.400 --> 01:41:45.040
that we're not allowing God to come in and help us as well. Okay. Ladies, thanks so much for

1460
01:41:45.040 --> 01:41:51.640
sticking it out with me. I appreciate you. Thank you for the grace. Since I'm not feeling 100%,

1461
01:41:51.640 --> 01:41:57.840
sorry to those I can get to please post your comments. At some point, I'm going to be able

1462
01:41:57.840 --> 01:42:05.080
to really get this coaching, this teaching with the visual stuff, um, moving much quicker. So

1463
01:42:05.080 --> 01:42:10.160
we were only going to be spending like 20 minutes on it. Um, I will say I did better than last time.

1464
01:42:10.160 --> 01:42:16.200
Last time, I think I took the whole entire time. So I'm proud of myself, but ladies have a wonderful

1465
01:42:16.200 --> 01:42:23.360
rest of your day and we will see you next week and I will be in the app responding. Okay. So thank

1466
01:42:23.360 --> 01:42:25.680
you so much, ladies. Have a wonderful day. Love you all.