Well, good.
Well, welcome, welcome, welcome to Phase 2, Kathleen.
Anybody else, this is your first time in Phase 2.
I want to welcome you.
I'm excited and thankful that I get to welcome you to Phase 2.
I always say, so I'm Ebony.
I usually coach at 8 PM.
That's why Gail is confused.
But there are these times where I get the little joy
of coming to 12 o'clock.
I am a third grade teacher.
I teach English reading, English reading, language arts.
I live in Austin, Texas.
I was in this program.
I started LYS back probably about four years ago now.
So it is a life-changing program.
It has changed my life.
It's made me a different woman, and especially Phase 2.
It's my favorite phase of them all
because dating changed my life.
This program, all of Jackie's teachings,
when the seeds begin to burst forth,
when they begin to produce the fruit,
I can look in the mirror and say,
what a powerhouse of a woman I've
become because of what I've invested in myself,
what I've invested through this program in myself,
applying it to my life, and what I've
allowed the Lord to do in my life
through this program and this journey of faith
for kingdom marriage.
And so welcome to the tribe.
We are excited for you.
We are believing in heaven for your marriage,
and that's every woman on here.
We are very intentional about believing
heaven for your marriage.
And we believe that he writes the best love story
because we have a history to prove it.
And so we have no doubt in our hearts.
So we contend with surety.
So you rest while we contend with surety on your behalf.
Even when you don't believe, you have
a people group who knows what he can do,
and we stand in the gap.
And we hold up till you come into that place of kingdom
marriage.
OK.
So just a couple of announcements.
Carla says hello to you all.
Let's see.
We want to encourage you ladies that as you come into phase 2,
spend about for three to four months, begin praying.
And then request your transition.
When you're ready to transition to phase two, it's three.
It's nothing to be afraid of.
Even ladies who go to phase three,
they can drop in on phase two anytime they want.
If you want to do that, you want to post something to us,
you want to come in on one of the coaching sessions,
you can do that.
But after you've been in phase two for about three to four
months, you've watched the videos,
even if it's one to two months, you've watched the videos,
you've been processing, you're showing up at coaching.
Coaching is not just if you're dating.
It's for you.
And so though we may have a lot of dating questions,
that doesn't mean that there's no space.
We hold space for you and what's happening in your life.
Because all of the tools, all of the things you're learning,
they come over into every other area of your life.
And then once you're ready, you just go up to the resources.
Oh, thanks, Gail.
What are you confused?
OK, I'll read it.
Let me see.
You just go up to the thing.
It says I want to go to phase three.
Send them an email.
And it happens, don't forget, we offer one on one coachings.
There is a fee.
But this is you have some things that cannot be unpacked
over coaching.
Yes, this meeting is coaching.
This is group coaching.
One on one coaching is a private session between you
and a coach of your choosing.
Yeah, and you book those.
So all right.
Today we're going to talk about something that's exciting.
It is.
So what we'll do is when you come into a session,
this is for the newcomers.
This is your first time here.
We will talk about one of the teachings from the videos
that you watch.
You don't have to have watched the video before you came.
There is no map.
We rotate the teachings, like one teaching
after the other teaching.
And each time we come from a different perspective
or we keep nailing in on that same perspective.
I will say this, and this will be helpful for you
and for all of you ladies, because it's something
that I didn't catch on for a long time.
I used to get so confused with, well, you
say it's a yes until it's a no.
I shouldn't stop, baby.
I should, should I be dating?
Should I wait?
Should I do the hard work?
Should I wait?
Should I, this is all this confusion.
What should I do?
I should keep going.
I should keep pushing ahead.
I keep pushing ahead.
When I try to take a break, they say keep going.
And it's this, it just takes, I want
you to know when you're walking with God by faith,
it takes a rhythm of getting, it takes a time or the journey
to catch the rhythm and to let these things sit in
on the inside of you and produce.
So don't become frustrated with the journey.
It's going to all take its course in your life.
It's going to all produce.
And so what seems so confusing now,
it won't always be that way.
I do want to say that.
And so you don't have to have watched the teachings.
We're just going to touch on it for about 20 minutes.
And then after that, we're going to open up the floor
and do some coaching.
whatever we have going on and most of the time I tell ladies all the time we
are not very much that different at all. We all kind of struggle and battle with
some of the same things and so what I said was today we're going to talk about
online dating and how we partner with God in this process. This is something I
think it needs to be said that it's probably not always said. Dating is a
skill. Dating is a skill. It is a skill that is used in this program to build
your capacity to to come in and iron out the things that are hindering you and
it's to sharpen you and shape you and create capacity within you to get rid of
those things that are truly hindering you that live in you not in somebody
else. It kind of helps to iron out the mentality that a man's gonna come and
save you from your debt and when you get a husband you don't have to work anymore
and everything's gonna be great and it doesn't matter if you don't know how to
communicate as long as he's saving he loves God everything's gonna work out.
Dating helps iron out all those wrong those ways of thinking that are not
helpful for you. Dating helps to develop you and so a lot of the reason why I
want to lead with it is because a lot of times we believe why do I have to date?
God didn't tell me I need to do that and you somehow in your mind believe that
there's gonna be an Amazon package that comes to your door that says husband but
I guarantee you if that was a real thing you wouldn't be in this program. But
sometimes the resistance with us is so real we want to hold on to that idea and
we don't want why should I have to? God is powerful enough God is big enough but
why hadn't that powerful big enough God done that yet? Not because he can't not
because you can't believe for it but what if there's some things in you that
need to be dealt with so heaven's best can be delivered to your doorstep so
that heaven's best can align things where you bump into your spouse
supernaturally because we do believe in supernatural we don't believe in dating
for a husband we believe dating for skill to help sharpen and skill you and
get those things out of you that needs to be removed because I am telling you
dating touches on you like nothing else will. It causes you to become more
vulnerable to put your walls up because something is getting close to your heart
you have the it's the potential that you will be rejected and we crumble
sometimes out of the thought of rejection and so it gives you an
opportunity to practice grace it gives you an opportunity to see a person as
they are and accept them from who they are because in marriage you have to see
your husband for who he is and accept him where he is because nothing's gonna
change about that but most importantly to accept you for where you are and who
you are and put a fire in you to want to become the best version of yourself
because you understand that you will attract at the level in which you are
and if something comes your way that's not at your level you know how to send
it packing because you come to the place where you understand your worth and your
value and dating will help you navigate to the place of your value and worth are
y'all tracking with me are we all together in dating is determined when I
started dating I dated I'm telling you some pretty low suitors they weren't
suitors at all but I dated them I spent time with them I had a scarcity mindset
I thought what good thing will come to me I battled with my identity I didn't
think I was worthy of love and worthy of goodness sure I could talk a good talk
with my friends or with people around me but when it came to my choices that I
made in my life I kind of chose the trashy food I ate like the trashy man I
pick there's something about your identity when you get an upgrade you
start saying I'm gonna give myself the very best because I'm worth it so you
don't show up dating helps you to stop showing up to a table with a man to have
coffee and tell him your whole life in one sitting because you have yet to
discover that you carry pearls and you don't spill them before swine and your
answer is reason for why you do it no longer because well I'm just a deep
person that's not deep that's lack of wisdom right you begin to believe that I
have something that's treasurable and I'm a hold it out for those who are
deserving of what I carry and all of this is produced in dating the simple
act of dating and applying and submitting yourself
to the boundaries that the program suggests as guardrails.
That's why I'm excited about dating today.
And so I hope that that did not bore you
and that we're all together,
but I want to replant dating in your heart.
So if you thought dating to be something else
or all the things we believe it to be,
and especially online dating and how challenging it can be,
I want you to understand that dating is a skill
that will give you capacity and equip you
for what heaven has for you.
And because heaven is only going to give you the best,
he has a requirement of you that you become that.
If heaven is only going to give you the best,
then there's a requirement of you to become the best
in every area of your life
because he's only giving out the best.
Are we all together on that?
Yeah? Good, good, good.
So what's the first part?
It's the posture of the heart.
So if your heart is postured there,
every time you swipe a picture on the app,
if you were doing online dating,
is he the one?
I don't want no husband like that.
Oh no, he couldn't be my husband.
He don't speak in tongues.
Oh no, where he work at?
There's not enough money for me.
Oh, what is he doing on his picture?
Playing with a dog?
Oh, I don't like dogs.
Your posture is you're looking for a husband.
That's not dating.
Dating is not the posture.
Is he the one?
Every time you look at a man,
is he the one?
Is he the one?
What happens when you do that?
If you give him an opportunity,
you put expectations upon a stranger.
You put expectations that when he shows up as himself,
you reject him
because you don't have space for him to be himself.
You only have space for him to be the man.
Is he the one?
So you strip out the process of watching somebody grow.
You strip out the process of seeing what do they work with?
Do they have a teachable heart?
Are they kind?
Are they honorable?
If you go into looking, is he the one?
Does he minister?
Does he do the same type of ministry I do?
Because God wants me to have this
and God wants me to have that
and I'm supposed to have this and I'm supposed to...
Like all of these expectations
and you don't understand that the father in heaven
is the greatest matchmaker of them all.
And he matches people together who has hands
that are willing to cultivate
the uncultivated places in a person
because marriage truly does make you more holy
than it makes you happy.
And that he's gonna put two people together
that iron with sharp and iron.
You're gonna miss all of that
when you swipe on an online profile,
is he the one?
Or when you start talking to him,
you look for ways to discount him.
I don't like that he said,
hey beautiful, I just can't deal with it.
Well, are you beautiful or not?
It's a real question.
I want you to think about it in your heart
because most of the times
we don't believe that we're beautiful.
And so if a man says, hey beautiful,
we think he's being disrespectful.
He sees a beautiful woman.
He's not lying to you.
He's not trying to get sex from you.
All he said was, hey beautiful.
And if he does ask for sex,
and if he does ask for sex,
beautiful woman you are can say,
I don't get down like that.
Are you tracking with me?
Are we all together?
And so it is a matter of the posture of the heart.
You are not dating the skill
that we're developing in you.
We know what it's for.
It's for capacity.
It's for you to work out those things in you
that need to be worked out.
Those things that speak to you
and say that you're not worthy.
Those things that speak to you that says,
you better grab what you can
because who knows what's coming along.
By default, ladies,
if you are in a desert,
a dry place for many, many years,
it's hard for you to believe
that something is coming along
to quench your thirst.
By default, we fall into a scarcity mindset.
And when you date in this program,
we start to work it out.
We give you principles
that work out the scarcity mindset
because scarcity mindset gets you scarcity.
It makes you grab for anything you can get.
And it's not just in the area of a husband.
It can be in lots of areas.
Sometimes we'll accept a job
that's not best for us
because we said we got to get something.
You allow people to treat you some ways
like, well, you know,
it's just the way it is.
It's okay.
And so scarcity mindset
is something that's going to be worked out in dating.
Why in dating?
Because you're going to see
what a scarcity mindset gets you
and you get to determine
if that's what I want or I don't want.
You're going to hold on
to things you should have been let go.
You're going to let a man talk to you
certain kind of ways
and you know, well, he's kind of pushing it.
But one day he's going to say
something that strikes you hard
because you've been in this program
and you now believe
that he should be married by masculine and mature.
And you're going to recognize
and ask for yourself and you're going to say to yourself,
that is not a masculine man.
I don't care how much he says he loves God.
You're going to learn just because somebody says
they love God, that this is an observation,
that we are fruit inspectors.
And there's a reason why you inspect fruit.
And there's a reason why your fruit should be inspected.
And if you don't inspect your own fruit,
you won't inspect somebody else's.
We inspect fruit for longevity.
We inspect fruit for foundational success.
We inspect fruit so that one could put a thousand to flight
but two could put tens of thousands to flight.
We inspect fruit because we are worthy of goodness.
We inspect fruit because we are worth it.
But what we don't do is pick apart.
What we won't do is pick apart so that we can keep people out.
And so you get faced with both of these things in dating.
Right?
You get to feel, you get to put yourself out there
and take the chance on being rejected.
You get to deal with your mindset
that a man should say something to you first.
Because you feel desire to be, you call it pursuit.
And so shouldn't he pursue me?
Shouldn't he say something to me?
And we understand that in this dating,
dating is a skill.
It's about reciprocity.
It's about, we both have an equal responsibility
in this dating process to get to know each other.
And when reciprocity doesn't show up,
you understand that that person is just showing you
who they are.
It's not because you're not good enough.
It's not because it's something about you,
but they get to show up as they are
and you get to show up as you are.
And when people show up as they are,
we get to say, I want that to be a part of my life
or I don't want that to be a part of my life.
Dating helps weed out that thing in you
that says something must be wrong with you.
The reason why this man is showing up this way.
Are we all together?
Yeah, good.
All right, so we want us to go in with a fresh attitude.
We wanna go in, I keep drilling in this foundation
because I know how much it took me to,
how long it took me to catch on to this.
That dating is a skill is not to find your husband.
That's how we use this tool in this program, okay?
When you're bitter, exhausted, guarded, but not healed,
hoping someone else will fix the ache in your heart.
You know, ladies, have you ever just like,
Jesus Lord, bring my husband.
Holidays will be better.
Events will be better.
If I just had a husband,
I just don't wanna keep showing up by myself.
I just, I'm tired of being lonely.
I just want a husband.
I just want a companion.
Is it just too much to ask for, God?
That's called hoping someone else will fix the ache.
Is there something wrong with you desiring a spouse?
No, don't hear what I'm not saying
because this program believes in a revival
of kingdom marriages.
But no one can fix the ache in your heart,
but you and the Lord.
Having a husband is not the only community in the world.
So we have a responsibility to be a healthy community, okay?
So we wanna go in a fresh attitude or don't go in at all.
So a fresh attitude doesn't mean I'm not afraid.
Listen, dating is scary.
Who knows that dating is scary?
Let me just see a wave of hand.
Come on.
It is scary.
Taking a chance on somebody rejecting you
does not feel good and it's steam, baby.
Ooh.
But I tell ladies all the time,
when you apply the principles that we've given,
when you submit yourself to order,
which are called boundaries,
it helps what rejection feel like a sting and that's all.
So when you make sure you don't cross emotional boundaries,
physical boundaries, or spiritual boundaries,
when it has to end, you can do like this and say,
what did I learn?
Instead of, oh, I put it all out there
and now I've made a mess of myself.
Have you ever had like a vulnerability hangover?
It's like, did I just tell them people all that?
Did I just say, oh, you want a vulnerability?
Oh, I can't believe I did that.
We're trying to minimize that.
And I've learned that when we submit ourselves
to boundaries, our own self to the boundaries,
put an order in our life and say,
I'm gonna come under this order because this order.
this system guards my heart. That's what we're teaching you through submission to boundaries
to guard your heart with all diligence. And you're going to do it by putting yourself under order.
Got it? All right. So let's do a fresh heart check. Are we ready? All right. So I want you
to assess your heart posture right now without shame. And you're going to put this in the chat.
And as we put these things in the chat, ladies, I want you to notice what your sisters are adding
into the chat and see if any of those things identify with you. You're probably going to see
that we're all going to be putting in some of the same things. So how are we going to do this fresh
heart check posture without any shame? No shame at all. Let's do this. So in one word, what posture
are you bringing into online dating right now? Now I want to give you some options to kind of
help stir things up. Are you hopeful? Are you guarded? Are you curious? Are you tired?
Are you cautious? Are you expecting? Are you hoping that that one is the husband?
Which is nothing wrong with being hopeful about a husband, but you know your heart posture is like,
what was the point of all this if he ain't the one, right? And so think, I like this. Hopeful,
hopeful, hopeful. I like the feedback that I'm getting. But in one word, what is your posture?
Are you sad? Are you discouraged? Are you tired? Are you like, well, I got to do this.
Like, who are you and where are you? Locate yourself. A bit better, yes. And if you've
been doing resistant and if you've been doing it for a while, I am telling you, some of my ladies
who've been online dating for a while, it can make you tired. It's like, if this is what it's
going to be about, I just didn't sign up for it. Curious, cautious, I started to sign up for
eHarmony and stuff. Excited, resistant, hopeful, but also tired, sometimes discouraged, yes.
Hesitant, curious, excited, hopeful, reservation. Yeah, yeah, we got a lot to chat about. Hesitant,
okay. Are you checking this out, ladies? Are we all kind of on the same page here?
Now, the one who said resistant or hesitant, which are kind of the same, can you share with us why
either one of you? That is Alyssa, if you can. I know some of y'all are at work. Or Kirsten,
I think it's Kirsten or Kristen. Either you want to share what's your hesitancy about,
you can type it in the chat or you can unmute and just share real quickly.
Okay. I assume that you may type it in the chat for us, so I'll wait till it comes up.
And so all of us are kind of rocking in the same boat and it's okay.
It's just what it is. It's okay. It is scary to put yourself out there.
I don't so much drama at home. I'm not sure if I have capacity for this.
Yes. Dating is extra. Dating is work. W-O-R-K. But it requires the most work of yourself,
believe it or not. And I want you to know something I want to speak to,
and we're going to open up the floor. I feel automatically guarded when I haven't met someone
in real life first, so I'm going into it with less willingness to give people a chance.
Oh, I understand that. I understand that. I always do a video chat first because I don't
like talking to someone I haven't seen. So if I, me personally, this is not your rule.
It's not a rule at all. It's my personality. If I'm talking with someone on a dating app,
within the second day, I need a video chat. I just, I feel some type of way about talking
to somebody. I don't know what they look like. And so I don't prefer that type. I do not like
talking to a person I haven't seen. I just don't like it. I just don't know what it is. It's like
I have to see this person I'm actually conversing with. And so, yes. And so I forgot what I was
going to say, but we're going to move on. So we want you to go into actual dating,
not to window shop. Now, can we think about when we window shop, we're checking it out like,
oh, I like that. I like this. I like that. I don't like that. We're not window shopping for
a husband ladies. You need to, I, this is something I do to help myself. It took me
probably over a year to break this mindset. And I found I was able to break it back because you
will hear Jackie tell me the same thing over and over and over and over, but it didn't break it.
So I am a person that likes to put myself under order. And so what I said was every time he's not
your husband, he's not your husband. He's not your husband. He's not your husband. He's not
your husband. He's not your husband. He's not your husband.
Like literally, it was a song in my head when I would select people.
This is not your husband. It's not your husband. So it helped me stop putting expectations on a
person that I don't know. It helped me to see people as they were and get to know them as
an individual as I also wanted them to do with me. I wanted them to see me as ebony. That's it.
Not as a person they used to know, not their hope and expectations. I wasn't about to drill
them nor were they going to drill me. They weren't coming to an interview,
neither was I coming to an interview. Nobody's sitting around waiting to meet your checklist,
ladies. You have to be educated. You have to be this. You have to be this. You have to be this.
You have to be this. Most people will walk away from you because they already feel like you have
an idea of what they should be and who wants to try to fit in somebody's bubble. Raise your hand
if you want to fit in somebody's bubble. Nobody wants to fit in somebody's bubble or box because
most of the time when we have boxes, they are created from wounds and unhealed trauma.
And you yourself are not free. And so now you're asking somebody else to come and join your prison.
Come fit in my box and be exactly what I need you to be, how I need you to be, because I need you
to be this to make me feel better. I need you to be this to make me feel safe. I need you to be this
to make me feel secure. I'm not talking about be masculine, secure, and marriage minded. I'm
talking about all these little things on your checklist that have nothing to do with a man
being integrous or a man being honorable or a man being kind or a man being teachable
or a man loving the Lord God with all his heart, mind, and soul.
Right? So these are solid things to build on, but nobody, most people, unless they have a plan that
is not for your good, they don't want to come fit in a box. And if you're living in a box and if
your checklist is a box to keep you safe, I want to encourage you, let's deal with the box and break
the limits off of you and bring somebody into your life that's going to help you become brave and
strong and live out the best version of yourself that refuses to let you live under limits and in
boxes. Right? The one that's going to help you wake up at two o'clock in the morning, make pancakes
and eat carbs and syrup and have fun and laugh and dip your toes in the water. And when he says,
let's go, you like, baby, let's go. Right? Come on, like life, living, joy, and not afraid of
what's around the corner, waiting on the ball to drop because that's what you're used to. So you
self-sabotage even before you get there. So we are not window shopping. We're not looking to
collect attention. Right? And we're not trying to spiritually psychoanalyze a stranger.
We are not doing that. That's why not. That's not what dating is for. Dating is a skill,
a skill that you use in this program to help you discover yourself.
And we believe the discovery of self helps to create capacity within you for the love story
that heaven is writing, that only heaven can write. If you could write your love story,
you would have written it by now. If the checklist you had was a really good plan,
it would have happened by now. You would have me and signed up down the block to get in on
that wonderful plan you have because it's irresistible. But clearly it's not irresistible.
But what heaven is building in you is irresistible to the one he has for you,
right? To the one that he has set in place. Give me, I didn't realize that my battery
wasn't cloaked up. Give me one second. Okay.
Sorry, ladies.
There we go. There we go. There we go. All right. So I am going to,
I want to give us a good hour for coaching. And so, um,
also
Some of the things I want you to accept that are really hard, and those of you who've been
dating for a while, you already know this, but there are going to be scammers.
They're going to be people who just, y'all were talking good one day, this is online day,
and the next day they just disappear. You could have been talking good for three or four days,
and then they just disappear. And you're like, what happened? What did I do?
Clearly, I must have done something for someone to just stop talking to me.
That's a part of the process. You're going to have those wishy-washy men out there,
just like wishy-washy women who are out there. You're going to have people who avoid it. All
of us carry some type of attachment the way we've learned love, but that doesn't mean that you are
not a good candidate for love. And I'm speaking to every one of you now. Just because you learn
love a certain way, you're in a program to help you become healthy, it doesn't mean that you're
not a great person to love. Just because you practice self-sabotage doesn't mean you aren't
a great person to love. Just because you struggle and you want to run when somebody gets close,
it doesn't mean you're not a great person to love. And if you're the person who draws tightly
when they try to run away, it doesn't mean you're not a great person to love.
It just means you know what you are bent toward doing, you just have to bend the other way.
That means I know I'm aware of myself enough to know how I operate, and I don't have to give from
a place of deficit. So one thing that the Lord showed me one day, I was like, Lord, I'm disorganizing
this attachment thing I got going on. I kept saying I'm going to avoid it. I'm an attachment.
I'm a this, I'm a this. He says, that's not your identity. It's not who you are. I have given you
a greater and a higher love. So stop giving people what your culture gave you. Stop giving
people the brokenness of what your mom and your father gave you, and give them the goodness that
I've given you. There's a pure love that lives on the inside of you that has the ability to show
grace, that has the ability to show love, that has the ability to show up and be vulnerable.
Give them that. Don't cheat people out of the goodness that lives on the inside of you. Don't
cheat them of the purity of love that lives on the inside of you, because you want to give them
from the broken place. You don't have to do that. You have options, Ebony. And I was like, well,
you know what? I never thought about it like that. That makes sense. I have options. There's a higher
love at work in my life, and I can pour from that place. And so even though I bend one way,
I cause myself to go in a different direction. I come to community. I submit to authority in some
areas of my life, and I put things in place to help me give people the very best of myself
and not my broken fragments, because they're worthy of it. Yeah. All right. Dating helps you
handle realities without losing your peace. So those realities I just listed to you, scammers,
ghosters, wishy-washy men, men who don't know what they want, if you've been on any amount
of coaching calls, you know that ladies are like, oh, my goodness. I'm just tired of this.
That's losing it. And you do get frustrated. There's nothing wrong with saying that. That's
not what this is. But as you practice the skill of dating, any of you guys who practice it enough,
you know that you do get a little bit better at it. Can I get any amens on that? Like,
the more you come in contact with me, you get sharper with it. You start to see people for who
they are, and you see you for who you are. And you don't mesh them with you because of their
behavior. And I like this, and I want you to hold on to this saying. I say, thank you for showing up
as yourself. I'm mad at somebody for showing up as themselves. That's the best thing they could
have did. Even though I like them, we've got to a part of them that I don't like so much because
I know it's not going to produce the best for me because I am marriage minded. And so,
this is where I have to say it was great, but we can't move any further
because this is not what's best for me. Okay? Yep. And you can just pass people by, ladies.
It's not your job. You don't have to feel safe. You don't have to teach them. You don't have to
tell them. We want you to put your counseling hat down, your pastor hat down, your saving hat down,
your firefighter hat down, your rescue mission hat down. We are not doing no rescue missions around
here. Nobody can save like Jesus. And you don't even have to tell them about him. Pray for them.
You bless and block, and you keep moving because dating is a skill.
This whole thing is increasing your capacity. Okay? Yeah.
And I want you to remember a lot of times when we create our profile and I'm gonna stop here and then we're gonna
Yeah, I'm gonna stop here in like one minute when create a profile we tend to sometimes
Put a checklist on there tell them what they have to be what you need them to be
What's everything you plan out everything they got to eat healthy. They're going they gonna have to jog in the morning
They gonna have to read a Bible in the morning and at night
They gonna have to go to church three times a week and they're gonna have to be educated because you need intelligent conversations and
preferably a prestigious college because we know we need their prestigious college to have a healthy happy whole life and
That's what we produce
You put it out there and you really believe like I know this what heaven wants for me ladies
People are attracted to joy
One of the reasons you like Jackie so much it's cuz she's very charismatic
She's bubbly. She is powerful and strong and then she she teaches the truth is really good
But she has a personality that's contagious. You want to hear her voice? You want to be around her any way you can?
That's the way it is when you ever met another person filled with joy
You just want to be around them
You know the person that everybody say they're the life of the party the reason why people like them because it's something that they carry
And you like I can listen to them all day. I could be around them all day
That's what I want you to think when you're creating your profile
Show up as the person that somebody would enjoy being around
Not as the person who's trying to guard their life from hurt and pain
Okay, so when they read that profile you want them to say I think I like her
I mean, she's pretty already, but wow
She's pretty fun. Okay
Confidence without performance is attractive confidence without performance is very attractive
Right and our confidence is heavily based on our identity and how we see ourselves so
Um, there are a lot of other things that we can touch on with dating don't practice now over sharing
Let's make it a yes until it's a no, but we're gonna post a
Lip let me stop. I'll talk about that last. Okay. It's just your
Activation that we're gonna post a little bit later, but I don't know whose hand was up first
It was Gail or Michelle, whichever one it is. Let's go for it
Yes, I posted under ask the coach coach to give you a
preview of my dilemma
Okay
New guy I
Have no new guy. I've got two guys that are running neck-to-neck
I just for those that knew I think Kathleen said she was new I I
Was in dating app. I was thrown into phase two
Kicking against my will I'm not wanting to get into dating back at the beginning of November and
I was I'm just gonna give them a little heads-up November December in January. I quit
three times
So it just was exhausting
I talked and that means I matched with and chatted at whatever level with
like close to 200 guys
I made sure they were all checked on the Christian box, though
But I found it very easy to swipe left so to speak
thanks to all the coaches the coaches here and
Yes able to learn a lot about myself and and not trying to be codependent and trying to fix people and healing and
It was very informative, but there was a lot
But I ended up with two men and I the last time I've been on the dating app was the first part of
February it was my last drop. I have two men in my life one is
lives close by
As Jackie said in one of her latest shorts
He lived a mile and a half from my adult home where I lived most of my adult life and
I never knew him, but we knew all we know most everybody our friends are my friends are his friends
And I did meet him on the dating app
And since we're both retired I've been now seeing him almost six days a week. He's non-stop
Non-stop entertainment I best want to say he has a lot of the fruits of spirit
he
Has a lot of the fruits of spirit?
he
I can't really find any red flags.
He's found a church that I was going to.
He's been going to church regularly, meeting with the pastors, going whether I go or not.
His family, and I'm trying to give a heads up to everybody that doesn't know,
but he's a widow where his wife died six years ago and he's still grieving her somewhat.
But his family, his wife put the dating app on her phone before she passed and when his
phone broke three years ago, he picked up her phone to use and discovered that she had
put his profile on the dating app and then discovered me.
So he's quite, I would say, a young Christian and he has pursued me, put up with me.
I've told him I was done like twice because of my attachment avoidance or whatever.
And each time he showed up in my driveway with a newspaper, in a car, in his car with
a newspaper, drinking a glass of water and kept texting me, come out and talk, come talk.
And I did and it was, again, I realized I was triggered from something in my past and
it really had nothing to do with him.
I mean, I thought he was standing me up for a date, but he thought it was a different
day legitimately or a different time.
But my first thing was, see you later.
Guy number two is a distance.
He lives about an hour and 10-15 minutes from me.
He has a lot of good attributes as well pursuing me.
The same day that I told the near neighbor to get lost because of a miscommunication,
this guy happened to call me when I was steaming mad and I told him he might as well leave
me alone too.
And I basically said, I'm going to just go back on the dating app and go into stage three
and see what they have for me.
I mean, I'm being quite honest with you.
And lo and behold, I got this long apology and how much he was attracted to me and why
was I dumping him because I was mad at somebody else.
So they're back in my life again.
They won't let me get triggered and dispose of them for stupid reasons.
I hate to admit it, but I've learned a lot about myself.
I am equally attracted to both of them.
And the guy that lives close by, a former neighbor, I've known him about two months
and a week and the distance guy I've known for about a month and a week.
Both of them, especially the close guy that I've seen like six days a week basically,
just because we can and he wants to be exclusive.
Six days a week, you've known him for two months, how often have y'all been seeing each
other?
The reason being my grandchildren go to the same school that he graduated from.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's not what I'm asking you.
I understand from your post why you've seen him so much.
I'm saying these six days a week, has it been for the entire two months or has it picked
up a lot more like recently?
Okay.
I would say we saw each other four days a week for one month and then the last five
weeks it's been six days.
Okay.
And so how are y'all operating under, are y'all operating on the boundaries?
Are you physical?
Are you sharing?
Kiss, kiss, we kissed.
Is it intense kissing?
Is it making out kissing?
It's not making out kissing.
It's French kissing, but not sessions or anything like that.
Yeah.
And the reason why I'm asking for a point is not to just get in your business, but you
said in your post, so when you got to that point, you said in your post, your response
back to Carla was, can you love two guys?
And so in my mind, as you're talking, I'm going to have to figure out what is triggering
this idea that you love two guys and where is one faster than the, where is something
maybe speeding up to causing you to be like, I can't choose.
They're both so great.
So that means I'm a value.
in the activity of one relationship
versus the activity of the other, right?
And so that's why I X.
So this guy you've seen a lot,
it's gonna be very intensified because you see him a lot.
If you see a person a lot,
I'm gonna say the same thing again, it's highly intensified.
If you want to determine,
if you want to move forward with him,
I would encourage you to see him less.
If you see him less,
I know y'all have a lot of things
that cause y'all to run into each other,
but even in run into each other, you can minimize it.
So I can just run into you,
but it don't mean I have to spend.
Well, let me ask this question.
When you say you've been seeing him every day for six weeks,
are these like alone personal times too?
Just not just at school for ball games,
but you're also seeing each other a good number of hours
in that particular day?
I would say going to a game,
he wants me to come an hour early.
So I go to his house.
I feel very comfortable that way.
And we sit and chat and then we go to the game
and then come to his house for popcorn and watch a movie.
So they are longer than just sitting and watching a game.
And so how long have you been going to his house?
You started talking to him two months ago,
starting from the first time you started talking to him,
when did you start going to his house?
Actually going to his house.
I had a car emergency and I don't believe in coincidences,
but I had a car emergency within a quarter of a mile
of his house after I first met him
and first in the first time,
which was at a funeral of a friend.
So I reached out to him like I'm in trouble.
And he told me where he lived.
I went to his, he needed to put air in all my tires.
So I wasn't in his house.
And he keeps saying it was a God thing.
You know, it must've been a God thing
that you all of a sudden my car alarms are going off
that my tire was going flat.
And so he fixed it.
And so I went on to the game,
but so what was your question?
Probably I would have to say three weeks in.
So after three weeks of knowing him,
you started visiting his house and you haven't stopped since.
Yeah, see, he's a neighbor of my daughter.
And so he knows my daughter,
my daughter knows his daughter,
my daughter's, you know, his granddaughter.
So, I mean, I really felt comfortable
because the connection was like so many friends we knew.
And my daughter.
Well, you know that, okay, I want to,
I just want to release you of this.
Me asking you these questions is not to,
how safe you felt with him is not on trial.
It's okay, I'm trying to justify myself, I guess.
You're trying to justify yourself.
Like justification is not needed,
but there are pieces to anything,
no matter how much you feel like it's God,
no matter how comfortable you are,
with the right formula, you speed up things.
You go to somebody's house
and you spend every day with them,
you're speeding up a process
that then in turn causes confusion for you
because now you don't know what to do.
You don't know what to do because you've,
it's so much, you've been around him so much,
you can't differentiate.
So that's the thing.
So what I'm saying to you is,
and then we're going to take this last minute
and I'm going to wrap that up.
If you want to know the difference
because you like this other guy too,
spend less time with family, community, friends.
Mm-hmm.
Pull back the time.
Tell him, hey, I know you want exclusivity.
I am marriage minded.
You have been great.
I enjoy you.
But in order for me to properly understand
or for me to probably determine
if we are best suited for each other,
I want to slow down our pacing
so that I can see and you can see.
Well, I already know, good for you.
I have to know for me.
I have to know if this is what's best for my life.
And so with that being said,
as challenging as this is going to be,
I'm going to cut back us seeing each other
to three days a week.
I'm going to cut back us seeing each other
for two days a week
so that you won't just get a gal
that was in a confused state
because I was smothered by your presence
and our time together.
And I put you in a place to spend every day with you.
Every day I've gotten used to you.
And then later on you find out, oh,
because at month three,
once you start getting used to him, Gayle,
in month four,
you're going to start to see things you didn't see.
So you're not going to be that perfect no more.
That's just natural.
The longer you hang around me,
it's not going to be,
it's just you become a common place with him.
person and then you start seeing things you don't like or you whatever whatever
whatever pacing helps with it okay okay pacing helps you see so that's your
answer how do I know what I want to do slow that down
slow it's gonna be hard because he they know he knows I'm dating the other guy
knows I'm dating the other guy not known as much or as long is like struggling
but okay but this guy's like maybe you can't commit maybe I'm maybe I shouldn't
you know he's pulling back basically he's pulling back on his own like you're
not willing to commit I'm all in yeah so what you can say is right so what you
need to do is make a decision you're two months in you're seeing somebody every
day that week I will be saying the same thing okay so your conversation needs to
look like I do have to make a decision because if it were you girl you will
want a man to make a decision that's understandable at this point you're two
months going to three months you're not 18 years old you both know what you want
out of life so it's you you're sitting on a level of wisdom and understanding
and so that doesn't mean you have to choose because he says choose but you do
need to make a decision and you're gonna do their best if you will pace
take a breather step back and evaluate and then it's gonna be time you come up
into 90 days tell him give you until 90 days and you'll be ready to make a
decision Jackie encourages three months if you
just can't wait for three months she said two months but three third 90 days
is a really good time to evaluate and say do I want to go exclusive and so if
you start pacing now put 90 days on the calendar give him the date that you're
going to return with an answer about exclusivity pace your way to that 90-day
mark and the same thing with the other guy and you'll be able to make a
decision okay thank you you're welcome yeah you're welcome Michelle
hi everyone I just want to update you on the date that I was supposed to have
Sunday he's from Maryland he was planning on driving up to see me and we
had a date scheduled for Sunday at four o'clock I talked to him the night before
he said yes he'll be there and then I got all dolled up and you know went to
the mall to meet him and I texted him and I said are you close to Applebee's
and I got no response and then I tried calling him and his phone was shut off
so I waited like half an hour for him to show up you know thinking there could
have been traffic whatever have you and after that he never showed up so I was
basically kind of blessing and releasing him you know that he wasn't the one for
me
so did I do the right thing and the day before the day before was also his
birthday so Michelle how long this was your first date how long had you I've
been chatting um we've been chatting like three weeks and also video chatting
off to okay and and I love the support you're getting from the ladies in the
comments and they're so sorry that happened to you yes and I agree with
them my mind went straight into what's happening here first date no show you
been chatting for three weeks and so he's been very interactive showing
reciprocity right you check out each day you he takes you text he initiates he's
been initiating some also yep and so when you call him after the no-show he
didn't answer no he didn't and how many days has it been I was supposed to meet
him on Sunday so it's been what two days oh this Sunday in the mountains and I
just came back so my mind is a little bit
I'm real throw it out with the date.
So today is Tuesday and that was Sunday
and you haven't heard from him?
No.
And have you, did you call him like on Monday
was his phone still going straight to voicemail?
No, he still had it turned off.
And you all usually chat, text via your phones
or over the app?
No, over texting over with our phone numbers.
Yeah.
And so I would say, how far is he away from you
where he was supposed to meet you at?
For my, he's in Maryland.
So he's four hours away.
Oh, okay.
Um, I would say that it's too soon
for you to make a decision.
I know that making a decision will help you
cause it's like, this is it, let's just let this be it.
So you don't have to keep yourself open.
I imagine in three weeks of texting,
chatting and video that you liked him.
I don't see you agreeing to meet him
if you didn't really like him somewhat or you were furious.
And so I know that it's kind of hard
because one of the things you may also be grieving,
I'm not sure, and I want you ladies to remember
that this is a real grief.
When you talk to a person every day or see them every day
or every other day, you can also grieve
not having them in that place anymore.
And sometimes you'll think it's because
you liked them so much
and you thought it was really something special,
but a lot of it, if you took time to evaluate it,
it's because they were in that space every day.
You get a text from them.
You look forward to the ting
or you know you're gonna say something to them
and they're gonna say something back.
Why am I saying that?
Cause I want you to give the weight to that.
Like that's a real thing.
So that way that you won't be letting the enemy
step on parts of your heart that's unnecessary.
Gotta put stuff in its place.
I was just used to that person being in this space
and I liked it and I enjoyed it and it is fun
and it does feel good and it's really nice.
And don't cheat yourself out of that.
You're not wrong for wanting and desiring that.
So next thing I'm gonna say is,
you can say if it's best for your heart,
if he calls me, I'll deal with it then
as I'm gonna keep moving along.
You can figure out why he did it, what happened.
As far as I know, you said everything was good.
He was initiating conversation back and forth with you.
Did he ever seem like he was hesitant
about meeting up with you?
Like making all these decisions?
No.
Y'all had already saw each other.
You know how he looks.
Yeah.
I think that Michelle, it's best to say, okay.
If he, yeah, okay.
And it's your choice if he does reach back out,
you can respond or not at all, but that's up to you.
And you can listen to what, you can ask him if you want.
What I'm saying, or not at all.
It doesn't have to be like,
oh, you think you're gonna treat me that way
and come back in my life?
You're not letting him back in your life
because he calls and you wanna act genuinely
you're what he has to say.
Because you can already make a decision that,
hey, based on what he said,
is this something that I want to allow
or already understand what it is,
what he's showing you and accept it for that.
But you don't have to go make conclusions
or live in a place that you don't have grace for.
You're not there.
You're just right here.
And you have grace to do what you have grace to do
right here.
I would say before I did the heart work,
I would have been like sobbing and crying.
And when my son came home and he saw that I was home,
he was like, what happened?
And I said, he never showed up.
And I said, I'm not mad about it.
I'm a little disappointed about it.
But I said, I'm just going to bless him and release him.
Yeah.
How far did you drive to meet him?
I don't drive.
Okay.
Yeah.
He was supposed to pick you up?
No, he was supposed to meet me at the mall
and we were going to go to lunch at Applebee's.
And you took the Uber?
Yes.
Okay.
Gotcha.
All right.
So he was going to take the toll of the road, the trip?
Yes.
Okay.
All right.
Keep us updated and I'm excited for you.
I like the peace that you're carrying about this.
it really helps you to keep moving yeah it does and you know i i'm back on the dating app and
you know going through it yeah okay way to go nadine nadine nadine hey ebony this is my week
of rest so i'm not turning my camera on because that might frighten you off oh no nadine you don't
have to turn your camera on at all but you're so cute i'm not sure that can even happen oh you're
sweet okay i need help i need help love it i dropped the hanky girl um i feel like
so ebony you know i've been trying to go on like an in-person date for last six months which is
kind of crazy thinking that it's been six months but time has just flown by or maybe it's like
five going on six because it was the end of september and so um i've just been really slow
because i just i want to hear from the lord on every person and so and then i'm over analyzing
things so anyways so there is a guy who um popped up i think i told you about him last week
and he's been very consistent with reaching out and um very consistent like in having like
full engaged conversations which is very new to me i feel like i used to always be the person
to be the talker and like i would find myself in in attracting people that didn't want to have
communication like and it was frustrating because i was like i don't understand like i want to talk
with somebody um and it's interesting because my friends thought that maybe i needed someone who
was quiet and i thought maybe that too because like you know i'm a single mom so i don't really
get to talk to anyone but i've really been enjoying just having conversations and a lot
like listening like to an adult like and like a man like just listening like it's been really
refreshing so anyways i really like this guy and i as soon as i discovered i that i liked him i
started talking to other guys because i was just trying to guard my heart and i i'm going to
continue on in that because i just think it's wise for my personality um and so there's a lot
of things that are coming up and i can't even go into everything but i think the biggest thing
is that like i have a lot of fear coming up that i'm gonna miss my kingdom assignment like
and you know early on i remember talking to you about like i dated there was two guys i was
talking with one was like so spiritual but he did he we couldn't get past like spiritual
conversations and that was frustrating but then i was talking to a different guy and he was
willing to talk about you know the spiritual things and willing to grow but he wasn't where i
needed him to be spiritually and so this guy it's like this beautiful flow of like it goes back and
forth and we can it's like i just i feel myself and it's kind of interesting that i've been able
to be my bubbly self with him so easily um and so i've just i'm just i'm just still guarded
so we've been talking since uh the end of february the 23rd and so it we took a week to do like
texting and voice clips and then we had a facebook video chat and so after that we did have
two back-to-back days where we had face times but then i was like okay i need to like slow things
down so the cadence has been like two days where we have like a text or two conversation but no
face time then we'll have a face time and then like two days where we're just texting a few
times and then we'll do like a face time so our face times are lasting like around two hours on
average which i know that's pretty long but so i probably need to shorten it so um anyways i'm just
going to sum it up because i know there's a lot of ladies on here but i think the fear of um it
not being a kingdom assignment like i've been seeing a lot of black trucks and i feel like
sometimes the enemy tries to come in with like um signs that sort of thing so i just i don't want to
listen to the enemy i want to listen to what the lord's telling me but i'm like lord if you're
trying to protect me i need to know that too like i've been praying every day lord if this is not
your will like take him out of my life like i don't i don't want that um and then i think in
our conversations we've got like the way that we conversate is so similar that it's refreshing
and there's a lot of commonalities that we have but my parents you know um they were like oil and
water and it was just like fighting every day uh my dad's black he's from south carolina my mom's
white she's from germany so it's like different cultures all the things and so the fact that like
that we see eye to eye on a lot of things is kind of triggering, which is
interesting because I'm like, I don't know, I hear sometimes where people are
like that you want someone who's different because it will refine you and
so that's where I'm like, okay, so do I need to move him to the side? Like, I
don't know. So anyways, I'm gonna be quiet and I'll let you give me some coaching.
Okay, so I want you to finish this statement for me. My kingdom assignment
is, I fear I will miss it because. My kingdom assignment is, you give me the
answer right there. Yeah, oh, I think this is a hard one for me too. I know it's
such a simple answer but it's like, I really just want to be a mom and I
think that there's something in me that still has to die where I think I need to
be like a business leader and all the things and I don't, I think that, yeah,
I'll just answer that and then what was the second part of the question you
asked? I fear, so what I fear I will miss it because. I fear I will miss it because
I will not make the right decision or like my discernment will be off. Yeah, I
fear my discernment will be off because.
Because I'm afraid that I'm gonna hear the Lord wrong. I fear I will hear the
Lord wrong because. I don't know, I think that I had a major spiritual attack in
August of 2022 where I was doing all these things thinking it was the Lord
and it wasn't and I am still healing from that so I'm very like on pins and
needles when I make decisions because I just don't want to get outside of the
will of God. So I want us to do a little forgiveness around the area for you
Nadine and I want to do that because I have to free you from taking this into
your own hands and if we don't release you from that past you're gonna keep
holding all of the cards in your hand and it's gonna be really hard for a
kingdom marriage to come forth. Okay. What happens is it puts you in a position to
repeat the same cycle because you keep seeing yourself as the poor choice but
that's not who you are and if you never see yourself rightly it's gonna be real
challenging to make the best decisions because you don't see yourself as a good
decision maker. Okay. Okay. So if you're willing to I want to go ahead and just
do a little forgiveness around that thing that happened in 2022. Yeah I'll
do that right now. Okay and so what I want you to do is I want you to repeat
after me and if it resonates with you say it if it doesn't you adjust it to
what resonates with you. Okay. So what you're gonna say is Father God I forgive
myself for the decisions I made. Father God I forgive myself for the decisions
that I made. I thought that I was hearing from you but whatever happened caused me
to see that it was not you. I thought that I was hearing from you but whatever
happened caused me to think that I was hearing from you. Right. And some poor
decisions were made. And some poor decisions were made.
I forgive myself for and then you can fill in the blanks after that. I forgive
myself for. I forgive myself for not using wisdom during that time. I forgive
myself for not prioritizing my life the way it needed to be including my son
during that time. I forgive myself for not being perfect. I forgive myself for
the mistakes I made. I forgive myself for how hard I've been on myself regarding
that situation. And I forgive myself for constantly opening the door to the past
when you ask us to be present and think about today. Now Father God I release
myself from the judgment that I put on myself. Now Father God I release myself.
from the judgment that I've put on myself.
I understand that that's not who you are. I understand that that's not who you are.
And today, Father God, I cast all my cares upon you because you care for me.
And I confess with my mouth that I am a student.
I am a learner.
And you are my teacher.
And I'm going to speak this over you, Nadine. You know, Jesus said,
he told his father, he says that everyone that you placed into my hands, I've not lost one of them.
And the Bible goes on to say that nothing by any means shall pluck us out of the hand of God.
I'm sharing that with you to speak that over what happened to you in 2022.
Nothing by any means can pluck you out of the hands of God.
And if he entrusted you into a situation, he knew it would make you better, not worse.
He knew that you can go through this thing and come out on the other side.
And so I want you to understand how strategic our father is because he allowed it to be so.
Because he knew that you could grow and learn from it.
Are you with me on that?
Yeah, I am, you know, and it was really beautiful at church.
There's a guy, you know, it was rooted in paranoia.
But there was a guy at church who kept looking over his shoulder.
And if I didn't go through what I went through that year,
I wouldn't know some of the thoughts and how he needed to be loved on.
And when I went to get coffee at church on Sunday,
he was at the place and his name was David, which is my brother's name.
And I just knew he needed, like, me to say his name and he needed eye contact and he needed,
like, a gentleness.
But I would not have known that had I not gone through
what I went through without going into the details.
And so I really appreciate you sharing that because I feel like,
um, I feel like I know that, that I had to go through that because of,
because of the assignment that the Lord has in my life.
But it was so hard of a situation that it affected so many areas of my life that
I'm just, I'm grateful to come out of it now.
Yeah, yeah, so yeah, praise God for that.
And so now we're going to rightly position you.
And I want you to stay in the seat of a learner and let Jesus be your teacher.
Okay.
Um, you know, the Bible says that his yoke is easy.
That means his yoke, his teachings is easy.
His burden is light.
Okay.
And so what happens is now that you reposition yourself as a student, as a learner,
you will no longer carry the weight of doing things right.
Mm hmm.
And that you get to not wait to hear from God,
but take the green light and walk as you hear from God.
Okay.
You really want to release you from the idea that you're going to miss God.
You're not going to miss God.
You didn't miss him.
Then you went through an experience.
Mm hmm.
God is big enough, loud enough and bold enough to speak anything he wants to speak to you, Nadine.
Most of the times when there is a missing, if you want to call it missing,
there is principles that could have been overlooked.
Mm hmm.
There are boundaries or not knowing this cross, not that we heard God wrong,
but we hear through the lenses we see through a perspective.
Our heart sees a certain way.
And so that's why when we lean into wisdom, into principles, into order, into boundaries,
we set ourselves up for success because Jesus is both.
God is both.
He is the voice and the principle is not going to be apart from his word.
Mm hmm.
The Bible says no man builds a house unless he counts up the cost first.
Mm hmm.
Jesus said, before you follow me, count up the cost.
He is both.
He's not one over the other.
He's not going to be a prophetic word lacking his wisdom.
And so, Nadine, in this season, my encouragement to you would be to lean into wisdom.
Honor what wisdom has and don't put your bets or all your chips on, did I hear God?
Mm hmm.
That's not a good measuring.
That's not a good measurement to use.
OK.
I got to hear.
So up until this point, your hearing has to be filtered through fear of messing up again.
Mm hmm.
It's hard to hear well through the filter of fear.
It's hard to hear well through the filter of,
I gotta get this right because last time I messed it up.
It's already, the equation is already thrown out.
Does that make sense?
Yes, ma'am, that does.
Thank you.
Yeah, you're welcome.
And so I want you to leave here today
walking in a new freedom.
I believe the Lord wants you to have fun.
He wants you to be joyful.
And he wants you to know that he's gonna pair you
with what's best.
And when we made decisions in the past
and we felt like this is what God was speaking,
it can somehow hunt us or taunt us
or have us to be supervision or overdo things
so that we just won't mess up again.
But there's no messing up in this.
You're in a program that is helping you,
filling in the gaps, in the cracks.
You're in community now.
This is how it works in the kingdom, Nadine.
Submit yourself to order, to structure, into principles,
into wisdom and into godly community.
The Bible says in the book of Proverbs
that in the council of the elders, there is safety.
So you can't sit in the council of the elders
and not have safety
because the elders carry wisdom
and knowledge and understanding.
And so when we're taught a lot of times, ladies,
this is for everybody, according to church or religion
or whatever you wanna call it,
we put so much weight on, did I hear God?
Did I hear God?
Did you hear him?
You didn't hear him.
You messed that up.
You didn't really hear God
because if you had heard God, I've heard it all.
I've done it all.
I've experienced it all, Nadine.
And it just does not produce well for you.
It actually produces fear in you.
Okay.
You're not gonna miss the father.
That's just like if your baby felt like,
I'm gonna miss mama.
I'm gonna miss her.
She's gonna say something, I'm gonna misunderstand it.
You're his mama.
You know how to speak his language.
You know how to help your child understand you.
Your child knows your voice.
Jesus said, my sheep know my voice
and another they will not follow.
It's not a matter of hearing.
It's a matter of understanding how God operates.
He operates in wisdom.
He operates in counsel.
And you're in good counsel now.
And I'm sharing that with you.
And that's what you need.
I know that sounds strange to say,
but I have really believed
that this is the spirit of the Lord, Nadine.
Yes.
Today is a good day for you to be set free
and to actually wear the joy
that is even on this picture
that I have of you sitting in front of me.
There's joy to be had.
There's a journey to be had.
And the Lord is not content with you not having that journey.
Be free, have fun.
He is your protector.
You are God defended.
And the only way you can be God defended,
if you stop defending yourself.
Ladies, this is the truth.
I tried so hard to grasp what Jackie meant
about God defended.
And we throw it out so much.
You're God defended.
Don't worry, you're God defended.
You're God defended.
It is hard to be God defended when you are you defended.
And you're not gonna get it right every time.
You're gonna say, okay, I'm not being me defended.
I'm gonna put it down.
And you pick it right back up
because that's the only way you know how to be.
And that's okay.
You're learning how to be God defended.
So every opportunity you get that you can lay down
the shield, lay it down with quickness.
I don't care how small it is.
It's what we practice in the small things.
You know, in the book of Job, the Bible says,
don't despise the day of small beginnings.
Start with small beginning, lady.
Lay down the shield every chance you get
because it is going to prove to work best for you
when it's time to lay down the shield in big things.
And that's how you grow in being God defended.
You cannot just say it and do it.
It frustrated me so much in this program
that I could not get this God defended thing right.
But when I learned that I grow in being God defended,
it became so much easier.
And Nadine, this is your journey to growing
in being God defended.
That if you will submit yourself to order,
to principles and to boundaries,
this mess of stuff you're talking about
is not gonna happen.
And it's not gonna not happen because you're perfect.
It's gonna not happen because you're gonna guard your heart
with all diligence, submitting to the order of God,
submitting to the order of the guidelines
that guardrails your heart.
These guardrails that you have, that jacket has given to us.
Are you following me?
Yes, ma'am.
You don't have to live in a fantasy, Nadine.
You don't have to hope for some fantasy.
God is not in fantasies.
He may be a God of sudden leaves,
but sudden leaves just aren't that suddenly.
You've been there before suddenly.
Amen.
Right?
Fantasies come from a place of fear
and we don't have those places here.
Yeah.
We have sudden leaves that aren't so suddenly.
We have sudden leaves that come to women
who God says it's time,
that she has reached the capacity,
that she is where she's gonna be.
It's the point the roles have met together, right?
Not that you worked so hard to get there.
That's the suddenly of heaven, not the fantasy of heaven.
So every one of you ladies, when your suddenly happens,
it won't be so suddenly.
The reason why it's a suddenly
because one day you know your husband
and the one day you didn't know your husband
and the next day you do.
One minute you didn't know him and the next minute you do.
And you've invested in yourself for the suddenly.
And so expect your suddenly,
cause it's on the way.
One second you didn't know the man and now you do.
Okay, Nadine, I hope that helps.
And I wanna, in another week,
I believe that you're gonna experience more breakthrough
than you have in a long time.
You're gonna see some places in your heart
are gonna be much freer than you ever expected.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Did I answer your question?
I hope so.
Yes, Bim.
All right, there was a question
cause I don't see any more hands right now,
but there was a question in the chat
that I wanna respond to.
And it was from someone who's in school right now
and it's Kathleen.
And what you said is,
you keep wondering if now's the time for you to date
because you are in your master's program
and in the process of writing a book.
And she says, I started to think
maybe I should wait till I'm done with this big project
and not spend time or money on it yet.
I wonder about how it would fit in kids and my schedule.
And so what I think you're saying to me, Kathleen,
is that you're in school right now.
You're also writing a book.
You're working on your master's
and sounds like you have children.
Is that right?
Are you a mother also?
Are you still on or no?
No, maybe not.
All right, so I'll wait till she posts to respond to that.
Unless somebody here had questions
about something like that,
I can go in greater detail on your behalf.
But if not, we will say that.
If you have any more questions,
go ahead and gather them now.
We're gonna do for our next activation,
we're going to, I'm gonna find,
it's called Sister Matchmaker Plus Meet Me.
And a lot of you ladies have done this,
but a lot of you ladies
haven't had an opportunity to do that.
We wanna meet you as a community.
So we want you to get your best picture,
even if you've done it before.
Get a new color shirt, get a new hair color,
do something special, spruce yourself up,
take a picture and let us meet you.
I want you guys to tell us where you live,
tell all of us a few fun facts about yourself.
You remember I said that in dating,
that people are attracted to joy.
They're attracted to the wonderful good things about you
that you reserve because you're afraid
to show your true self.
Show your true self to us.
This is gonna be your activation to showing up as you.
The you that we all want to meet and know, okay?
And so what you're gonna do is also tell us
when you post where you live,
tell us if you're willing to relocate, right?
You want us to give us a glimpse into your world
of all the fun that you are.
I want you to think about how your friends would describe you
would they say you're funny?
Would they say you're lighthearted?
Would they say that you are what they call a person
like a life of the party?
Would they say you're a deep thinker?
What would they say about you?
Tell us about some of your just things that you value most,
things that you're passionate about.
Tell us something that you could do all day
and never get tired, right?
If you could right now not have any other responsibilities
and do this one thing, what would it be?
And then as you post, your sisters are gonna come along
and say nice things about the picture you posted.
They're gonna say nice to meet you.
They're gonna ask questions of you
and you're gonna do the same thing
for other people that post.
So engage with kindness and encouragement,
compliment something specific, speak life and affirmation
and pray over what you read, right?
Give encouragement, say something like,
give meaningful feedback.
And look, this is no pressure.
There's no.
forcing just love led connection right any encouragement that you want to give
and use the sermon and be open to this question do I know someone who might be
a great fit for her when you look at her do I know someone who may be a great fit
for her all right um I just want to remind you guys that this is a safe
space this space is here to help you grow we want to champion each other we
want to protect one another's hearts and we believe that God moves through
community so that means he's going to move through all of us here do we have
any questions about that
based on the things that we've shared today do you have any questions in
general I want you to feel free to ask them go for hey hey are you shocked to
see me I am okay good no not at all I am I like both of you but um anyway
my hair okay okay go for it but I just have a basic question so I have a
friend that was also signed up for last year single somehow something got messed
up with her I don't know her membership and she never just like called to fix it
but she's dating someone she's dating a very godly man but she's kind of doing
everything that you guys advise against you know like no pacing like he's
constantly texting her these long paragraphs and like wants to read the
word with her and pray together and like spend all their time together do I say
anything or just like I do have concern for her but you know um if you have that
relationship you can say something usually if she's a learner you can say
something if you know her heart and you know that she wants to do things well
you can say something you know ladies this is a thing and it's really true
when somebody takes you those long messages when you read the Bible with
someone you talk about these things it actually feels really good it's fun it
feels like the thing that you've waited for is happening right in front of you
it feels so magical like I mean you get out the butterflies in your stomach and
what you know now Susan this for everybody in group you've learned how
you develop healthy relationships and so the only thing that she's doing is using
another route to develop a relationship which could increase the pacing of
something which can cause her to make decisions that won't serve her best she
can also continue in the way that she's going and she could end up at the altar
marrying him but it still doesn't make the process that she used the best way
to do it because this time could have been well spent understanding some
things that will happen within the marriage or help her understand that
person more so I've watched people do things their way do things a ungodly way
or unkingdom minded way they may live together first they may have been dating
for a year living together for a year and then they decide oh we're gonna up
and get married it doesn't matter so those things are real and sometimes we
believe when they have this outcome and now they're married that everything is
perfect because we believe somehow that marriage makes things perfect because
that's the goal but it doesn't mean that they have the healthiest marriage it
doesn't mean that some areas are gonna be super hard because they didn't they
didn't deal with that when they were sitting on the phone talking about the
Bible together are you tracking what I'm saying Susan I am yeah yeah and I just
want to use that to sell that because I'm watching how you watch people get
married you'll be like I'm doing all this work Lord and they just up and get
married ain't even do it the right way and I'm doing the right way I should be
rewarded for doing it the right way and that's just not how that pans out God is
not I want to say that because we believe that we're doing the right way
and why aren't I married we'll that mindset is attached that God is
withholding something from me and that issue follow me when we learn the skill
of dating when we learn to develop healthy relationships that pays off for
us as an individual this has nothing to do with God owes you something or he's
withholding something from you if you refrain from having sex that's a reward
with any
itself, that you're not passing out your worth like a piece of meat on a table.
That's the reward. You get dignity. You keep your honor. You keep your self-respect. There's only
two kingdoms in the world, the kingdom of darkness and the kingdom of God. In his kingdom, there's
order. In his kingdom, there are principles that we live by that produce the best life for us.
And so when we cross those two things over, we then also, by default, have to accept the concept
that God is withholding good from us. And the Bible says that there is no good thing he will
withhold from us. And so I know this isn't exactly what you're saying, but I'm so glad
that I'm able to tag this on in this way, Susan, because it's a real thing. We make assumptions
and people think because it feels good and it's going good that this is so good, but you're
missing things that you could be capitalizing on. You're missing parts of their character that
you're not able to see. It doesn't make them a bad person, but this could have got ironed out
before I do. Because on the other side, there's an expectation for somebody to show up as a wife
and someone to show up as a husband, and you didn't even realize they weren't equipped to show
up in particular ways. You could have accepted that they weren't equipped and know a plan to deal
with it, but you bypassed that time when you were dating to do that type of stuff. And so now you
got to deal with it on the other side. And yeah, so let me go back to your question. Another thought
too, just want to throw that in there. Another thing just to tap on in that is this, Susan,
when she comes to you, you'll find a way to incorporate things, right? And so you need a
seat at the table. You want to keep your seat at the table. So when something falls apart and she
comes, then you get a seat at the table and you get to share wisdom. And wisdom may look like,
okay, well, okay, this has happened, this happened. You know, like I just did with Gail.
Okay. How long have y'all been chatting? Okay. Oh, it probably went pretty fast. Don't you think
every day? So then you start gathering, showing her, letting her see the error instead of
picking out the error and giving wisdom because she's come to you for that wisdom.
Right. When you're chatting, you can say, well, I do this this way because, right? Yeah.
Yeah. Is that possible? Yeah. That's, that's helpful. Yeah. I mean, we're pretty close. So,
and I feel like she's open. I mean, he wants to do everything right. Like he's, you know,
respects purity and all that. I just, I don't know. It's happening so fast. So,
Yes. Just because somebody wants to do something right. Doesn't mean they know how to date.
Remember I just, oh, you weren't here early on dating is a skill.
And so you can be lover of Jesus, all things well, but not know how to date. Well,
just because you love Jesus don't mean you're going to have a wonderful marriage.
Just because you love Jesus. I mean, you know how to communicate just because you love Jesus. Don't
mean you're not going to bring into the marriage, which your family gave you because you don't have
anything else to give. So of course you're going to bring the brokenness that you learned from your
mom and dad. What else you get? So just because you are these things in Jesus and you didn't have
sex before you got married, doesn't mean you know how to develop a healthy relationship with a
person. And so when we have knowledge and when we have wisdom and when we have understanding what
you ladies carry, you will see that you will get the greatest bang for your book.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys have, oh, sorry to interrupt you. Yeah. Go for it.
Do you guys have like advisement as far as like taking trips together? Cause like they,
they just took a four day trip together. Like he's just spending a lot on her and taking her to,
you know, these really fancy places and buying her massages and all these things. Yeah.
As you guys have an opinion on like how long you should wait to do something like that. And then
also just, he, he's, she said that he like cries and like, I never thought someone like you would
be interested in me. And yeah, I don't know. I would be turned off by that. Cause I feel like
that says like you have low self-esteem, but everyone's different. I was just like, oh, well,
you don't, don't think much of yourself. Well, what it is, I don't know the dynamics of them
and that may be his way of attaching. He could be an anxious attacher. Um, he could be,
he could be love bumming her. He could be giving her all the words she like,
and he could be doing unintentionally. I, I, I can ease, I can easily be a love bummer
because I'm a cheerleader. That's just the truth about who I am. But because I understand
that I keep giving this is producing something that's unhealthy and do know if you're going to
take a trip with a person, it will probably be of your best interest to get separate rooms.
Right. And taking a four day trip will save you money.
somebody really early, spending large amounts of money, it's just not what happens is,
and I'm going to say this as quickly as I can. What happens when you do things like this is
the pacing, it speeds things up, it puts you in future places. So no doubt, she's already
planning what the future is going to be like. Oh, we're going to be this and we're going to be that
and this is going to be great and this is going to be that. And you don't even have the grace for
the future. You need grace for where you are. You need wisdom for where you are. You don't have
wisdom for the future. And so when you take a four-day trip with someone, and let's say I stay
in this room, you stay in that room, and it's very early on, you're still increasing. The pace is
getting so fast that you're not able to evaluate things with wisdom and you've already made some
decisions. And so I would say, I'm going to take a trip with someone, a four-day trip with someone,
and you're like, you've been knowing them for about three months. And then if you're talking
about what would be suggested for me, then I think you should do it in a group. I think you
should pick a group to do this with. I think that there are ways that they can be done well, but
people make decisions about how they want to do something. People make decisions about fantasies
that they want to fulfill in their life. We can do that as a woman and it feels good, right? And
it's so wonderful because it's everything you wanted. And so we just have to be mindful of
those things and we have to submit ourself to order and wisdom and principles and godly counsel.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's already making his plans for the summer for them to go
away almost every weekend she's off. And I'm like, I'm losing my best friend.
But I'm happy for her if that's, you know, but it just seems like he's going so fast and like
already making all the plans. And how long have they been knowing each other?
We just met him. Her and I went to like a volleyball group through church,
like I think in November, I think he went into her DMS on Instagram in December.
And then I, they probably around January, maybe they started like talking a lot. And then I think
she just went exclusive with him recently. Yeah. And so it's fast. And so you can be
prepared for when she comes for help. Yeah. Yep. And it'll come. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.
You're welcome. Can I ask you one more 30 second question?
Yeah. Okay. Okay. So if you're talking to someone just on the dating apps,
do you and you're not feeling the conversation, like, I don't, I don't go back and forth long,
I go back and forth, like three times, and then I get to a phone call. But
the guy I matched with every single thing that he said was negative, and how he hates living here,
and he just hates it. And, like, his grammar was just bad. And I was just turned off.
Do you just like unmatch? Because I feel like I'm being so like, rude. Like, I ended up saying,
like, well, it sounds like you don't like it here. And you're planning to move soon. I don't think
we're a match. I wish you best and who God has for you. And then yeah, okay. Because I didn't
know if you just owe them that or just unmatch it. But it just feels like I try to be polite.
But then it's like, it's funny, because then he didn't say anything back, which is fine. I kind
of expected that. But like, I'm just I was like, a little bit irritated. Like, wow, you're rude.
Like, I wish you something nice, you could have said the same back.
I think you can just unmatch. But I also believe that every opportunity you get to
advocate and express your voice and to operate and take authority for your own
whereabouts and dating is really good for you. And it builds empowerment in you so that when
the next person that comes along, that's even harder to say something to you can say it because
you've practiced saying what's needed to be said. So when the one comes along that you really like,
but you see that he is not based on his fruit going to serve you best, you can then have that
same hard conversation because you did it with the easier ones. Right? And this expectation of how
someone responds, you know, people get to respond for who they are. And the more you give them space
to show up as they are, the more you give yourself space to show up as who you are, Susan.
Mm hmm. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. Hey, Cynthia, we got one minute. I know.
Probably, I was just thinking, I haven't gotten on a dating app yet. I do appreciate you tweaking my
dating profile. I really shrunk it a whole lot. So and I think I did have some of those requirements
in there, like you said, so thank you. Thank you. I did catch that. But I think maybe this
might be a question to everybody. What do you think it, you know, I guess my question is,
what are the best dating apps or should I do like one paid and one free dating site or anybody have
you know, successful. Yeah, that's a good question, Cynthia. I'm gonna do this, we do this at 8 p.m.
Ladies, will you put in the chat so that the names can pop up, she can see them?
What good, somebody said they just google the ones that are good in their area,
but what apps you've had success with? And Ms. Cynthia, how old are you?
We'll be 65 this year. Ms. Cynthia will be 65 this year, so all ladies respond,
but specifically, also if you know 65 and older or 60 and 50, you know, more seasoned,
what apps have you found to be successful as well because that could make a difference?
Thank you, thank you. Of course, so you see they're coming in upward, holy and arc, okay.
Because, I mean, I was, I was thinking in terms of, what is it, match.com.
I think match.com is, is match.com free? I don't think they're free.
But then you have to pay. I'm not a fan of match.com. I didn't have much success with it.
I've always had success with Facebook dating. I like Facebook dating because there's people
that I know in the area. Okay. That's what I like about Facebook dating, and it's free,
and it shows you who you're friends with, that they're also friends with, and so that's why I
enjoy it. Okay, so I want Facebook dating, and that's free. Okay, I just knew, oh, I think maybe
one paid one to kind of look at. I know I haven't had issues. I mean, I, well, I, I haven't had much
success with, what is it, eHarmony or something? So let's try Facebook dating. It's free. Okay.
Let's just stick with that before you pay for something.
Okay, Michelle says she's been on Facebook dating.
I would encourage Facebook dating because it's free, and it's,
it's, you know, well organized, and let's see what happens from there.
Yeah, when you first get on there, you should get a good bit. It goes by the algorithm,
so we'll see. Okay, Carla says she's second Facebook dating. I think she spied in on us,
so she wouldn't share me with you all. But ladies, it has been great. I hope that you guys
have enjoyed today's session. I want you to remember, if nothing else, that dating is a skill,
and it's a skill that we use in, it's a, it's a, it's, dating, we use this in your,
in this program to help develop you, to help grow you. It is not to find your husband,
but it's helped to bring capacity and to weed out things that are happening on the inside of you.
Yeah. So, all right. Well, I hope you, I'm going to post the, post the activation. It has been a
pleasure. Thank you, Carla, for letting me slide in at, at, at noontime with the ladies. All right.
Have a great day.