WEBVTT

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All right, we've got five of you ladies on, I'm sure there will be more.

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It is March 17th, it's St. Patrick's Day, I'm not wearing green, so I'm not going to

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go out, so don't get pinched.

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My kids are on spring break, so it has been a bit of a crazy weekend, but they're out

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of the house.

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My oldest is working and my husband is back in the office working, so I get the house

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to myself and I can dive in to y'all's post and really focus on connecting with you all

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and getting to what y'all are sharing in the app, so I will be doing that this week.

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I did see, I think I've caught up on all those posts, and I know several of you saw me kind

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of just, hey, post if I haven't reached out to you, and I saw a lot of people posting

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in there, so I'll be following up with that as well, and so, yeah, so that will be good,

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I think we're getting things moving with that.

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I also noticed a lot of ladies are tagging myself in Ebony, I do get those notifications,

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so that is really helpful, so just keep tagging us for right now until we get those updates

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and those admin settings back to what they were used to, and then with that being said,

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I definitely want to encourage you ladies, this little bit of our housekeeping, be consistent

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with posting.

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I know when we come into these group calls, I was not here last week, I did the evening

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call, me and Ebony swapped, and I forgot we had done that, but it really does help

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myself and Ebony when you ladies are posting more consistently, because I was jumping on

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the evening call, and I'm not typically on the evening call, and so I'm not caught up

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with what is happening, but when you ladies are posting in the app, both myself and Ebony,

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we can dive right in on either call and kind of have an idea of what you're going through,

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what you're experiencing, so that's really helpful for us, so I just want to encourage

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you ladies to stay consistent with posting there, not just for us coaches, but also for

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the ladies here in community, because growth will happen for all of you through each other,

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like I was in this program, for those of you that don't know me, I am a success story,

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I came in in 2020, I was here for a couple of years before I met my husband, and I went

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through the whole dating thing, and I went through the heart work, I went through the

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highs and the lows of where I didn't feel like dates were coming, and then where it

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was like the triggers were happening in the dating, and I could never get past one date

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with somebody, like all of that stuff, and being able to share that in community and

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also other people sharing what they were experiencing helped me grow as well, and so there's a lot

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of fruit there when we can show up in community and tell everyone what we are going through

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and being vulnerable there, that's part of the preparation, and so that is important,

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so just keep that in mind, and also just again, it helps move these group coaching

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calls along a little faster, because we're not having to get all of the details, we can

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really get to the point and get direct coaching for you, it's just really, really helpful,

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because we do want to get to as many questions as we can, but time doesn't always allow that,

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so that will be helpful, but if you do find that you do need a little more time with a

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coach, more one-on-one, that you don't want to do it in a group setting, because there's

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a lot to unpack, we do offer one-on-one coaching, that's 50 minutes, it is an additional fee

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though, so I don't know what everyone's financial situations are, some people are able to do

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it, some people are like, finances are tight, I get it, you know, gas prices are skyrocketing,

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I mean, I got a family of three kids and they just are eating me out of house and home,

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so you know, it's available, but I also want you to know, like, you have coaching here,

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the group coaching, we can use it, it just can't be as extensive, and that's when the

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app comes in really handy, because that's where we can

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be touching base with you more frequently and be working with you little by little

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and giving you the coaching that you need. It's just not going to be an all one like 50 minute

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session. It'll just be little bits and pieces through the app. So that is another reason why

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that's important. If you've been here for like three to four months here in phase two, I want

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you to start praying about shifting over to phase three. Okay. That's if you've completed all the

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five weeks of the videos. So you're watching one video a week. You've been to some lives here.

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You're dating. Okay. You don't have to have completed your seven dates. Okay. No, that's

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typically a, like people get confused. Like I, I didn't do the seven day challenge. I'm not,

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not through that. So I can't move to phase three. That's not true. You can have one date,

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two dates, and you can still move to phase three. Some people even get confused and think,

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well, I have to be in an exclusive relationship to get to phase three. And that's not,

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that's not true either. And I know that's where the confusion is, is like, we have phase one

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heartwork. Phase two is Lester accelerator. Phase three is the VIP community, like the,

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the all community, if you will. And then we have levels of dating, dating one level one is like,

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you're just like, you haven't even met somebody yet. It's just like, maybe it's somebody in a

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church community, an online community somebody that you work with, or, you know, a friend of

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a friend, like that's level one level two is the get to know you like you're in person. Like you've

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gone on an in-person date or a video date. Level three is the exclusive. So that's where people get

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confused with level three and phase three. They think I have to be in a level three exclusive

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relationship to be in phase three of last year, single. No, that's incorrect. Okay.

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So hopefully that eliminates all the confusion. Okay. Um, in order to go to phase three and last

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year, single, you just have to have been in phase two or a minimum of five weeks have watched the

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video content and have come to some live calls. Now, some ladies choose to stay here a little longer

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and I, I don't encourage the rushing because I want you ladies to really get

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some time here where you can get your feet wet with dating and get some coaching from myself

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and Ebony and feel confident that you've, you've, you've got some hard work under your belt. You've

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got some experience with dating, you've got some guardrails, you've recognized where your triggers

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are, and then that's when you can hit into phase three. So that's, that's what my suggestion would

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be. Um, so yeah, Gail, you like, you're an example, like your example, like she, you've been in here

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for a minute and she's got some dating under her belt and so she's, she's about ready to shift over

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to that phase three. Now I know you've got a situation and I don't know if you've got to unpack

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that with Ebony or not. Um, I try to, to, to reach out to you and I don't know if you saw my message

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or not. So, and then I try to come on, um, at the one o'clock and I think you had already gone.

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So, um, I don't know what you like, so I do want to chat with you a little bit, um, and see where

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you're at with that. Um, so yeah, but you're going to be in that, you're, you'll be shifting into

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that phase three. I think you'll, you'll be ready for that, but I do want to give you some support

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with where you're at with your decision. Okay. Sounds like you got some stuff. So, um, we're

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here to help you process through that. And just because ladies, you aren't in phase two and when

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you go to phase three, it doesn't mean that you're not going to have support there either.

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There's coaches there to support you and to walk you through processes as well. Okay. And,

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and to navigate you through any dating situations that you, you might experience. Okay. Um,

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what are some markers to let you know that you're ready for phase three? Um, I think it's just,

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you know, it's you just knowing like, okay, I I'm confident. I, I've, I've learned this material. I've,

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I've been to the live sessions. I've been participating. I'm engaged in this community.

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I'm, you know, seeking the Lord with this stuff. Like you're just engaged, like you're engaged

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with it. You're coming to lives. You've watched the content. You have some awareness of that.

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And I would say you've had like, at least have one or two dates under your belt.

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Like I would say that that would prompt you like you're ready to go now like I

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said some women just feel like they want a little more support and that's okay if

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that's you just let us know and we're here to help you this is not we're not

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just here to help you through the dating process we're just here to help you in

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general like with heartwork stuff too this is a journey this is not just

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about getting the husband okay we're actually going to kind of dive into that

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a little bit with the divine feminine teaching today okay so I'm going to go

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through a little bit more of these questions before we move on no worries

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about making lunch girl you're good

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why move to phase three what is offering okay so that's a good question so phase

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three there is going to be some more coaching there there's going to be some

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accelerated heartwork coaching that's there we have all community events so

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there's men in the community there you're going to get there's ask Jackie's

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so you'll get you'll get to be in front of Jackie a little more there's there's

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all sorts of things there's extra horses if you will so it's just kind of a

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cyclic like here in phase two we kind of rotate the same thing it's all about

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dating dating dating like phase three you're gonna get a little bit of

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everything okay we even at times we'll do like one of my favorite things was we

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did love stories and so and my husband and I have done this before where we

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come on and we've shared our story and so we'll have people from the community

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that walked through where you're at who have success and they get to share like

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their love story how it worked for them what what they got to what God did in

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their life like how did God write their love story what were some things that

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they had to grow in what did God do for them like their walk their experience

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like it's and so you get a little more of that like I love what we do here in

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phase two like I love it when you all are here and I I always like to stay

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like on top of what like your dates and stuff and so I do get sad when you know

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y'all leave but I still get eyes on you but we we do kind of just it's it's

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repetitive like we're gonna just continue to coach through dating and at

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some point I want you ladies to feel confident and know that there's support

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there in phase three too but you're gonna get extra things there too that

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you're not maybe gonna get here not that what we don't do here is valuable but I

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want you to not miss out on some really great things in phase three as well okay

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yes and so the times and days that they meet will be different I do believe

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phase three I do know that they have Tuesday nights and I think sometimes

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Thursdays as well so that will be like Monday I know is phase one stuff so I

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jumped in there before on phase one we do one at one o'clock Eastern eight

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o'clock Eastern for phase one and then face to our lives are one o'clock

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Eastern and eight o'clock Eastern for Tuesdays and then I believe phase three

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is typically Tuesday evenings and then Thursday evenings so that's that's that

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hopefully that is helpful for you all and yeah you're you're not necessarily

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about to like kind of go back but you should still have the content available

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from my understanding like you shall still have access to some of the content

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from phase one in phase two like you'll still have access to be like watching

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the content videos okay and like here in phase two like I will still pull things

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from phase one so we can still utilize stuff that you all have gotten in phase

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one we can still pull from that as well and then when you're in phase three the

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coaches have the access to the material from phase one and phase two so it's all

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there okay so we have ways of getting that to you it like and there's ways of

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you in your app of being able to get that okay and if you have trouble getting

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that content you could

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probably email admin and say hey I need to get the revealing for healing cycle

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from phase one can I get that document I I don't know how to get to it it should

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be available to you in your app but if you can't find it and you've spent some

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time searching for it then reach out to admin

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oh you're clicking on the wrong zoom link yes the in the in the events and

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and ladies that actually reminds me make sure that you're checking the events tab

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because there will be times that the meeting ID and the password will change

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okay so that like we do filter that sometimes because you know the these

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calls are for paying members and so we just like we want you all to get what

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you pay for and so it's not fair if you're paying for a membership and then

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someone from last year stopped paying and they're still coming to calls like

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that's just like it's not honest right so we do have to kind of rotate that as

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well so keep that in mind

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awesome awesome awesome okay let me see here okay so let me go ahead and let's

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get your notes out get your little writing pads okay I'm gonna try to get

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through this teaching I have real I'm really working hard on making my teaching

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super short brief and powerful so that we can get to y'all's questions because

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that is very very important to me so I'm gonna say a lot of information I want

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you to be writing down anything that like hits you I'm gonna ask questions I

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want you to really like sit with it okay so today is we're gonna do the divine

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feminine teaching okay so we do have that divine feminine video many of you

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might have already watched it many of you might have watched it a couple times

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I am one of those people I like to watch it more than once and like to go back to

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it if you haven't watched it no worries okay it's there they're free to watch

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okay so one thing about this community is that like we're not here to focus on

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forcing relationships and that's like like and that's why we have y'all

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do heart work okay because that's the key foundation like when you do your

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heart work you're gonna just show up in dating differently okay and just because

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we've done heart work once doesn't mean that we don't continue to work on heart

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work okay so I just want you to have confidence that you know when you're

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doing your heart work and your your foundation is heart work like you're

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going to just show up differently and so I want you to really get a hold of

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is that love doesn't come from striving it comes from alignment

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okay

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so after women do the heart work they're gonna start dating differently because

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you'll often hear Jackie say what you be what you believe you become and what you

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become you attract

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your behavior follows your identity and then that behavior is going to show up

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with outcomes okay so that's why that heart work stuff matters so when your

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beliefs start shifting your identity is going to shift and when your identity

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starts shifting your be your behavior shifts and then your dating outcomes

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are going to start shifting to all right

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so you don't create lasting change by trying harder you create change by

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becoming different by learning different by applying wisdom so I know

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for myself before heart work and when I was in my 20s and dating and all that

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stuff I would always ask myself this question and many of you might be able

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to relate to this you'd ask yourself well what should I do to get love like

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Jackie Carla Bethany and tell me what I have to do to get love like if that's

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you it you can admit it like that was me does anybody feel like yeah like I just

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want to be told what to do so that what do I have to do in order to get a

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husband like if you've had that thought go ahead and just raise your hand what

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do I have to do get a husband what do I have to do differently

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show me what I need to do right give me give me the step show me what it is like

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you know come with me on my date Carla and tell me what I need to say what I

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need to do and how I need to act right like like have you ever seen those those

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like shows where they have someone like you've got a microphone like somebody in

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your ear and they're telling you what to say like how like y'all like wouldn't

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that be so awesome like we could just be we could just literally like be on your

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date with you and when your date says something we could like tell you what to

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say like yeah like hitch it's funny it's funny you say that because when my

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husband tells people like yeah my wife is a dating coach you know for you know

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for last year single and and you know for this you know woman Jackie Dorman if

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you've ever heard before and they're like you mean she's like hitch like it's

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not really like that but you know it's it's funny that you say that my husband

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says everyone thinks that you're hitch Carla everyone thinks that you and

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Jackie and all the coaches that you know Ebony and all them y'all are hitch but

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yeah like that that would be ideal like if we could sit there and like literally

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tell you what you need to do but it's it isn't that instead it's not asking what

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do I need to do to get love it's

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who am I becoming through this process so that I can be in alignment and my

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dating will naturally reflect that

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it's allowing dating to be the process of you aligning with who you are and

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then that will then put you in alignment with who God has for you

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it's about identity about stepping into that it's about that confidence okay so

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as you do that heart work again like I always tell you ladies like just because

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you're not in phase one anymore doesn't mean that you stop doing hard work like

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I want you ladies like when you find yourself in some of these situations be

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be open to hearing from the Lord of what areas of your heart is he still want to

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be working on okay so as you do that heart work you're going to become more

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regulated you're going to become more self-aware you're going to become more

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secure more open and then from that identity you're going to date

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differently and you're not going to be dating from fear you're not going to be

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dating from pressure but it's going to be from out of alignment out of

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alignment of who you are and who you are in Christ

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okay now one thing that I see here that I really want us to kind of unpacking

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that we're going to kind of uncover today because these are there's two

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common things that I will frequently see here that become blocks when ladies come

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from phase one into phase two and they start dating there's two there's two

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blocks two patterns and this is what it can look like the first pattern is

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there's this over giving and over controlling and so this is what this can

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look like it can look like trying to secure an outcome you might be over

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texting over initiating you're given too much too soon

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I'll slow down a little bit because I know you ladies are writing so you're

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trying to secure an outcome you're over over texting over initiating like you're

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trying to move it along you're giving too much too soon you're ignoring

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intuition because you want to avoid losing someone

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some of you will get that intuition of like this doesn't feel right this doesn't

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feel comfortable and like but you don't want to act on it because if you do and

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it becomes a reality the reality is is this person isn't an alignment with you

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which means that you're gonna have to let that person go

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and that can get really scary. So you ignore that because it's fear and then

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you're managing the connection. You are managing it instead of just allowing it

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to happen. So this is some gentle truth ladies. Every time you override yourself

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to keep someone, you're delaying your alignment.

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Dating is not about keeping someone, it's about revealing the alignment.

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Divine Feminine is about trusting the process over a pressure.

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This is getting heavy ladies. I see a lot of like, oh, is there anybody that

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relates to that one? Like, wow, like, yeah, I've got some fear there. Like, I want to

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initiate. I don't want to lose somebody. I want to over text or I don't

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like, I don't want to address the things that are kind of right

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there. Y'all, that was me, especially with my son's biological father. Y'all, like, I

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did not, like, I saw it. I just didn't want to see it because then it

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was like, then I'd have to start it all over again. Then I'd have to go through

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the whole, like, find someone that actually is attracted to me, that I'm

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attracted to, that we have the same things in common, that, you know, this is

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just comfortable. Like, I didn't want to go through that again. And so it was just

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like, well, let me just hold on to this because they're showing me

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attention, but there's some things here that are just non-alignment. Like, I know

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the way they're showing up isn't healthy, but I can look past that. Like, I'll look

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past that. It's not really that big of a deal because I'd rather have somebody

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than nobody at all. Y'all, it never ends well. You just create bigger wounds and

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hurts and stuff like that, okay? So that's a common, like, that's a really common

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block that I will see when we step out of heartwork and into dating. Like, we

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still want to kind of hold on to that. Another one, so again, like, I want you

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ladies to be really spending time and asking yourself, which one do I

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operate in? And you might operate in just one. You might operate in both. Like,

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it can be either or, or it can be both. I oftentimes operated in one more

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than the other, but that didn't mean that I didn't operate in the other, okay?

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So, so at times I could operate in both. So, this other one that I don't, like, it

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sometimes goes overlooked, is being barred and overprotected.

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This one sometimes does not frequently get addressed. So, sometimes this block

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isn't your insecurity, it's sometimes protection.

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And what that can look like is very rigid boundaries that prevent intimacy.

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And what women will do here is then they shape it up, but not Carla, I just have

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boundaries. These are just boundaries. And we do teach boundaries and boundaries

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are important, but what I want you ladies to really be

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focusing on, am I using these boundaries to protect myself because I'm fearful?

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So, again, very rigid boundaries because it's going to prevent any sort of

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intimacy. It might show up like you're quickly shutting down when vulnerability

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appears. You might have to get a little vulnerable and that's uncomfortable and

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so you're going to want to shut that down. You're going to stay emotionally

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self-contained. You're not going to allow your emotions to get involved. Yeah, we

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don't typically see this a lot from women. That's why I say

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sometimes it can go unnoticed so this is going to be for a lot of times like my

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avoidance my ladies that like to avoid some of my women that have been really

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wounded by men okay this is when I can some I operate in both okay I I can be

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very emotional so I can get very insecure but then because of some of my

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wounds vulnerability can scare me intimacy can scare me and so I can be

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like what this is I just need boundary I just need boundary and y'all I can fluff

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it up like nobody's business like and make it look like it's healthy all right

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so that's when I have to just God check me in okay this is what we'll do y'all

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I like some of you very prophetic ladies okay this is me okay I'm speaking to me

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so I know I'm gonna speak to some of you as well many of you will call it

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discernment but really it's just you avoiding openness

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and I might hit a trigger with some of you I know when I got called out with

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that I was like don't tell me that my gift of discernment is me being closed

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off mm-hmm no like I know I do I do have and I'm not saying you don't have gift

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of discernment it's really it's it's it's checking our gift of discernment

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and really taking it the Lord I mean like Lord is this this me discerning

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something or is this me not wanting to be open to something because I'm afraid

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and allowing God's wisdom to help me navigate that

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protection can feel very very very powerful but it can also block

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connection and that's why here at last year single we're gonna coach you ladies

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and we're gonna remind you you are God protected and God defended that doesn't

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mean that you don't you don't follow intuition and wisdom and and discernment

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it just means we're gonna sit with and not try to put blocks up and just allow

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the Lord to lead this as well we're gonna be cautious but we're not gonna

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block it and so there's so those are things again and it's not like and I

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know I might be saying this to some of you ladies you're gonna be like well

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that's just like there's gonna be some rigidness I get it like y'all that was

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me and again I wanted to cover in discernment okay and it's not gonna be

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something that's an easy like fix okay that's a lot of what how we get through

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that here in community it will it will be you ladies opening up especially you

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ladies that do struggle with wanting to block things off it will require you

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ladies coming here in our community and being open to receive the coaching to

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share certain things to sit with it and there might be some resistance there

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might be some irritation with what you're coached y'all there were times

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that like I didn't always like what Jackie coached me I kind of like what

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she had to say and even now like there's times like even like I'll go to Bethany

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and sometimes Bethany will have to be like Carla this is some of your

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controlling like stuff coming out this is that like counterfeit and y'all I

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don't like hearing that because I don't like that like I can operate in this

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controlling like it's not something that I like that I do we don't like to be

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called out of it but I don't know about you all but I'm

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thankful for my close friends and mentors and coaches that are willing to

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tell me the hard things they're just there to lovingly push me in the

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direction of like what really God wants wants me to grow in like whatever we

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coach you it's always gonna come out of love and a lot of times it's coming from

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a place of we've been there I mean I y'all like I would give you like if you

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wouldn't be like okay I'm gonna need all the details on Carla like I would I

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would literally be like Bethany Jackie you are like I give you my full

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permission to disclose to anybody that comes to you you can disclose it all to

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them like you know so if it makes you feel like you know Carla doesn't

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understand me like no she probably does you know like I probably have been there

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and I probably at times was probably one of the most difficult students

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So I get it. Okay, so those are the two patterns I want you to be mindful of.

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So the core reframe here is the Divine Feminine is not enclosed. She's

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discerning and she's open. There's a difference between this isn't aligned

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for me and I'm not available to be seen.

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Okay, we're closed off and we're guarded. We're not coming out of hiding. There

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are going to be times in dating you're gonna have to open yourself up to some

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some risks, some of vulnerability. Okay, I'm not sitting there like you're gonna

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sit there and tell them all your personal information. We're not

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saying disclose it all. Obviously this is when we're using wisdom and

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discernment, but some of you ladies want to guard yourself because you've been

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hurt and then that's just a hard work thing and then we're here to help you

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work through that. Ladies, I still show up in my marriage with some hard work

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stuff, some things that I can be on guard with. I don't want

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you to think, well I'm not gonna find a husband until I like learn to just not

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be vulnerable. That's not the case. It's a journey. It's a process. Okay, and

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we are safe for you. We're your landing strip here.

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Okay, for some women the risk is over giving and it's never fully

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letting someone in. Like that that it that will be the risk. That's scary, but

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ladies if you want to be married and you want love, it requires openness. It does.

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Like marriage is like the closest bond that you will have on earth.

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Like it is your relationship with with God is the most intimate. The next

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closest relationship that you experience here on earth is marriage.

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It will stretch you. It will grow you. It will, I mean, y'all the emotions will go.

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Okay, you got two people becoming one. That's not always easy, but it's worth

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it.

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So these are some things that I want you ladies to be writing down. These are

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some reflection questions and we can unpack those here later if we have some

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time. I'm gonna make sure I got all my notes here. Am I truly discerning or am I

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protecting myself from vulnerability?

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The divine feminine stays open enough to receive and grounded enough to walk away.

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I'm sorry, can you slow down and repeat each question? Thank you. It would be

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great if you had a PowerPoint or a word or something. I know, I know, you've been

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asking about that. Maybe next time. Yeah, I know. We're still kind of in the

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works of figuring out like what that can look like because we try to switch it up

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because we don't want this to always be repetitive. But myself and Ebony and

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Bethany are kind of coming together to see what we what we can do. So that you

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ladies have that. But I agree because I'm a visual person. I need something in

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front of me. So that's how I operate that way. So I feel you. So am I truly

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discerning or am I protecting myself from vulnerability? I mean then if

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anybody is able to multitask, if they want to type it in the chat so that it's

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in the chat for someone to go and recover, that might be helpful.

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Okay. I'm also sitting here looking through the chat as well. So she kind of,

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yeah, okay. I saw your message from 1222. This end up staying stuck and what else

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you need to do. So hopefully this material, I think you're still on with me.

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Hopefully this material is helping you. Is it? Okay, good, good. Okay, but then I'm

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going to want to update from you. I want to know what what God's

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highlighting.

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you and what what he's speaking to you after after we get get through this okay

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the divine sentiment I cannot ever say that word divine feminine stays open

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enough to receive and grounded enough to walk away this is embodied alignment oh

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for some reason I thought I had more questions than that I guess I don't um

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all right I'm gonna move through this fairly quickly so that we have more time

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for questions okay um proper preparation versus participation so this is for

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women who are not currently dating this season is preparation you are building

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your identity your standards your emotional capacity and alignment and for

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those women that are dating this is participation your triggers are going

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to reveal patterns your reactions reveal growth area edges and your the work will

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become real okay so for some of you ladies that are like I still I'm not

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getting dates or I'm not ready to date yet like you're you're not behind you're

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just preparing okay we're all on different different journeys okay you

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are preparing so if you are not yet dating I want you to be asking yourself

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like what's holding me back

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what am I like is there something that's holding me back from dating is there a

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fear is there a belief that is keeping me from staying open am I blocking

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things am I not wanting to be vulnerable or am I just overthinking it and wanting

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the outcome to be a certain way are we forcing an outcome are we getting on the

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app and like you know trying and like guys are just not giving us the time of

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day because we're sitting here trying to operate and control it

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so I want you I'd like this is for both like if I don't want you thinking like

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oh I'm not dating or like this is for everybody um so reflection where am I

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striving instead of trusting let me see if I can type these in here Cynthia for

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you where am I striving instead of trusting

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where am I abandoning myself

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instead of being chosen

416
00:43:11.600 --> 00:43:17.560
and ladies some of these some of these reflection questions may bring up some

417
00:43:17.560 --> 00:43:25.360
emotions or some memories and if that's the case write them down spend time in

418
00:43:25.360 --> 00:43:29.160
prayer with these these could be things that God is revealing and wanting to

419
00:43:29.160 --> 00:43:38.360
heal where am I where am I closing instead of staying open

420
00:43:46.040 --> 00:43:53.320
and where am I can where am I trying to control the timeline that's a big one

421
00:44:00.160 --> 00:44:05.720
I always want to rush that like how does he feel about me does he like me does he

422
00:44:05.720 --> 00:44:11.800
want to date me like why doesn't he ask me to be his girlfriend yet and then

423
00:44:11.800 --> 00:44:15.000
it's like then you get an exclusive relationship like is he gonna ask me to

424
00:44:15.000 --> 00:44:21.160
marry him like can we move this along like but keep in mind the divine

425
00:44:21.160 --> 00:44:29.480
feminine doesn't rush she doesn't chase she doesn't abandon herself and she

426
00:44:29.480 --> 00:44:32.840
doesn't close her heart

427
00:44:34.680 --> 00:44:41.360
all right ladies I feel like I've let me see if I can find my last little sheet

428
00:44:41.360 --> 00:44:52.000
here can you repeat that last one again please yes she she doesn't close her

429
00:44:52.000 --> 00:44:59.000
heart she doesn't abandon herself and she doesn't close her heart I mean all

430
00:44:59.000 --> 00:45:01.920
for doesn't rush

431
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:01.520
She doesn't chase.

432
00:45:01.520 --> 00:45:02.560
Yep.

433
00:45:02.560 --> 00:45:06.480
She doesn't abandon herself, and she doesn't close her heart.

434
00:45:06.480 --> 00:45:08.840
OK?

435
00:45:08.840 --> 00:45:09.680
Did you get that?

436
00:45:16.480 --> 00:45:20.320
Can you explain how she could abandon herself, please?

437
00:45:20.320 --> 00:45:20.820
Yeah.

438
00:45:20.820 --> 00:45:21.320
Yeah.

439
00:45:24.740 --> 00:45:31.940
So I'm going to make this personal.

440
00:45:31.940 --> 00:45:33.300
Ways that I've abandoned myself.

441
00:45:43.860 --> 00:45:47.380
You know, I'll just frame it in my relationship

442
00:45:47.380 --> 00:45:49.820
before I met my husband, before I joined HeartWork,

443
00:45:49.820 --> 00:45:52.620
with my son's father.

444
00:45:58.660 --> 00:46:02.700
I knew something wasn't aligned.

445
00:46:02.700 --> 00:46:10.180
I wanted to believe that this guy was a family man,

446
00:46:10.180 --> 00:46:13.060
that he had good intentions and a good heart.

447
00:46:13.060 --> 00:46:20.940
And there were certain things that I needed.

448
00:46:20.940 --> 00:46:22.420
I needed to feel chosen.

449
00:46:22.420 --> 00:46:24.220
I needed him to show up, you know?

450
00:46:24.220 --> 00:46:28.820
And ladies, I'll just be real and transparent with you.

451
00:46:28.820 --> 00:46:31.460
Obviously, I was never married to him.

452
00:46:31.460 --> 00:46:34.620
I quickly got into physical intimacy with him

453
00:46:34.620 --> 00:46:36.820
and got pregnant very, very quickly,

454
00:46:36.820 --> 00:46:39.140
before I really knew him.

455
00:46:39.140 --> 00:46:41.660
Everything was great in the beginning.

456
00:46:41.660 --> 00:46:45.380
Like, the infatuation, like, oh, this guy is perfect.

457
00:46:45.380 --> 00:46:47.620
This is everything that I've wanted.

458
00:46:47.620 --> 00:46:49.580
Like, oh, you know?

459
00:46:49.580 --> 00:46:51.060
He said what I wanted him to say.

460
00:46:51.060 --> 00:46:52.260
He loved the Lord.

461
00:46:52.260 --> 00:46:54.580
And you know, he went to church, and he

462
00:46:54.580 --> 00:46:55.980
talked about us going to church.

463
00:46:55.980 --> 00:46:57.580
And he had a son.

464
00:46:57.580 --> 00:47:00.460
And you know, he just seemed like the great dad.

465
00:47:00.460 --> 00:47:04.220
And he shared all the things that he wanted in his life.

466
00:47:04.220 --> 00:47:06.500
And I'm like, that's so wonderful.

467
00:47:06.500 --> 00:47:09.780
Like, this is a man that I've always wanted.

468
00:47:11.860 --> 00:47:14.220
And then, y'all, I gave in.

469
00:47:14.220 --> 00:47:15.580
I was like, oh, this is perfect.

470
00:47:15.580 --> 00:47:19.820
This is exactly what God wants for me, you know?

471
00:47:19.820 --> 00:47:20.860
I made it happen.

472
00:47:20.860 --> 00:47:23.980
Like, OK, so now I got to do, right?

473
00:47:23.980 --> 00:47:30.540
I get pregnant, and it shifted.

474
00:47:30.540 --> 00:47:36.300
I got, I had horrible morning sickness, horrible.

475
00:47:36.300 --> 00:47:38.340
We lived 45 minutes away from each other.

476
00:47:38.340 --> 00:47:40.620
I was a schoolteacher, so I was having

477
00:47:40.620 --> 00:47:42.460
to wake up early in the mornings.

478
00:47:42.460 --> 00:47:47.340
And I would request that on some evenings,

479
00:47:47.340 --> 00:47:49.580
like, he come up to visit me so I wouldn't

480
00:47:49.580 --> 00:47:51.620
have to drive the 45 minutes.

481
00:47:51.620 --> 00:47:56.740
Or again, ladies, wouldn't, like, don't follow my lead

482
00:47:56.740 --> 00:47:57.220
here.

483
00:47:57.220 --> 00:48:00.220
I would spend the night and wake up the morning, go to work,

484
00:48:00.220 --> 00:48:02.780
and I'd have to drive like 45 minutes to an hour.

485
00:48:02.780 --> 00:48:05.420
And you know, I was pregnant and sick.

486
00:48:05.420 --> 00:48:08.580
But I'd be like, why don't you come up here

487
00:48:08.620 --> 00:48:10.620
and you do the driving?

488
00:48:10.620 --> 00:48:12.100
Y'all, he wouldn't do that.

489
00:48:12.100 --> 00:48:15.220
There's always an excuse for that.

490
00:48:15.220 --> 00:48:21.940
And I, like, put my things aside.

491
00:48:21.940 --> 00:48:23.260
I abandoned myself.

492
00:48:23.260 --> 00:48:29.860
And what was, I abandoned who God said I was

493
00:48:29.860 --> 00:48:32.580
and who I was to be cherished.

494
00:48:32.580 --> 00:48:36.340
Now, that didn't mean that, and it's not, ladies,

495
00:48:36.340 --> 00:48:38.620
and I don't want you to interpret this as a posture

496
00:48:38.620 --> 00:48:44.580
and going into, like, you have these expectations

497
00:48:44.580 --> 00:48:48.180
and you're owed something.

498
00:48:48.180 --> 00:48:55.140
Like, you know, what's the word I'm looking for?

499
00:48:55.140 --> 00:48:59.260
We've talked about this before, and it's on the tip of my tongue.

500
00:49:03.140 --> 00:49:04.420
Entitlement.

501
00:49:04.460 --> 00:49:09.140
It's not coming from a place of entitlement.

502
00:49:09.140 --> 00:49:13.700
You, I deserve this, and you need to do this for me.

503
00:49:13.700 --> 00:49:19.220
No, it's literally just a man truly wanting

504
00:49:19.220 --> 00:49:23.540
to protect and provide.

505
00:49:23.540 --> 00:49:26.460
You know, there's times where, like,

506
00:49:26.460 --> 00:49:27.980
my husband shows up like that.

507
00:49:27.980 --> 00:49:32.020
And there will be times like, babe, honey,

508
00:49:32.020 --> 00:49:33.940
I appreciate you wanting to do that for me.

509
00:49:33.940 --> 00:49:37.180
But, like, no, this is, you don't have to do,

510
00:49:37.180 --> 00:49:40.820
like, there'll be a, like, I'll be like, babe,

511
00:49:40.820 --> 00:49:42.740
that's not necessary.

512
00:49:42.740 --> 00:49:43.980
There's a giving there.

513
00:49:43.980 --> 00:49:47.780
That's like, he's, but I'm not expect, like, I'm entitled.

514
00:49:47.780 --> 00:49:51.780
Well, you didn't do that for me, so, you know,

515
00:49:51.780 --> 00:49:53.700
you're a bad husband.

516
00:49:53.700 --> 00:49:55.340
You're a bad boyfriend.

517
00:49:55.340 --> 00:49:57.140
No.

518
00:49:57.140 --> 00:49:59.380
Like, it's not from a place of entitlement.

519
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:08.800
I let myself go, I literally like became a shell of a person, didn't allow

520
00:50:08.800 --> 00:50:13.400
myself to be seen and loved and cherished the way that God wanted his

521
00:50:13.400 --> 00:50:17.640
daughter to be cherished and loved and seen. Like that's how I abandoned myself

522
00:50:17.640 --> 00:50:23.000
because I didn't put up good boundaries because I didn't

523
00:50:23.000 --> 00:50:28.680
think I was worthy enough. That's how I abandoned myself. So that was a really

524
00:50:28.680 --> 00:50:34.080
good question, very very good question. So I'm gonna give you ladies like an

525
00:50:34.080 --> 00:50:40.680
example that may be more practical that you all might have experienced before or

526
00:50:40.680 --> 00:50:50.320
you've seen other women do. So like you feel like this need to text him so

527
00:50:50.320 --> 00:50:53.840
someone doesn't lose interest. Like someone's like you're messaging

528
00:50:53.840 --> 00:50:58.320
somebody or you've gone on a first date you feel like you need to text them. Like

529
00:50:58.320 --> 00:51:01.720
oh why isn't he texting me? Oh maybe I need to reach out to him or I need to

530
00:51:01.720 --> 00:51:05.240
explain myself to him or I you know I don't want him to lose interest so I

531
00:51:05.240 --> 00:51:11.040
need to I need to be the one to to show interest here. Like I'm not saying that

532
00:51:11.040 --> 00:51:17.720
you don't reciprocate that but there is a heightened awareness like I need to

533
00:51:17.720 --> 00:51:24.560
text him so he doesn't lose interest. What that is is that's a fear of losing

534
00:51:24.680 --> 00:51:35.920
connection and that old identity is telling you I need to secure this but an

535
00:51:35.920 --> 00:51:45.240
aligned identity is going to tell you you don't it won't require chasing. Like

536
00:51:45.240 --> 00:51:49.480
it's trusting that alignment doesn't disappear because you don't perform a

537
00:51:49.480 --> 00:51:56.660
certain way. Ladies you will not perform for your husband. You will not have to

538
00:51:56.660 --> 00:52:03.960
perform for him. If you think that you performing for your husband is going to

539
00:52:03.960 --> 00:52:11.600
get you get him to love you more then that's that's not a healthy probably

540
00:52:11.600 --> 00:52:14.840
healthy relationship.

541
00:52:15.840 --> 00:52:21.800
If I thought I had to act a certain way in order for my husband to love me

542
00:52:21.800 --> 00:52:28.000
that's a hard thing that I need to work on. Or if my husband says well you know

543
00:52:28.000 --> 00:52:32.600
what you need to do this and if you don't do this then I you know my love is

544
00:52:32.600 --> 00:52:37.000
not going to be there. Ladies that's not that's that's conditional love and

545
00:52:37.000 --> 00:52:43.200
marriage is unconditional love. God's love for us is not conditional. We don't

546
00:52:43.200 --> 00:52:54.960
perform for God to love us and if marriage is in the image of like if

547
00:52:54.960 --> 00:52:59.560
that if marriage is the perfect image of God is of man and woman becoming one

548
00:52:59.560 --> 00:53:06.000
then why why would marriage be conditional? Why would we need to

549
00:53:06.000 --> 00:53:11.480
perform a certain way? So when you are showing up and dating you don't need to

550
00:53:11.480 --> 00:53:17.040
perform a certain way. You don't have to act a certain way. You just need to be

551
00:53:17.040 --> 00:53:21.800
your feminine self and be open to receiving. You don't have to chase after

552
00:53:21.800 --> 00:53:33.080
anything. You just get to align with who you are and sit in that. And like I said

553
00:53:33.080 --> 00:53:36.480
there there will be triggers that come up. There will be old patterns that might

554
00:53:36.480 --> 00:53:41.200
want to surface but that's what we're here for in community. We get to walk

555
00:53:41.200 --> 00:53:45.680
through those things and we get to like help uncover like okay well what's God

556
00:53:45.680 --> 00:53:51.040
showing us here? What's God wanting me to see in this process? Like who does he

557
00:53:51.040 --> 00:53:56.240
want you know what is he trying to show me here? How is he trying to help me grow

558
00:53:56.240 --> 00:54:02.760
into who he's created me to be? This is that preparation. Dating is a preparation.

559
00:54:02.760 --> 00:54:08.120
This is that this is what discovery dating really is. It's not just

560
00:54:08.120 --> 00:54:11.720
discovering what you like about a person and what you want. It's

561
00:54:11.720 --> 00:54:19.320
discovering who you are. How you want to show up in dating.

562
00:54:19.760 --> 00:54:29.000
Does that help ladies? I hope that this divine feminine teaching especially with

563
00:54:29.000 --> 00:54:35.080
dating. I hope this leaves you feeling confident and like you feel a little bit

564
00:54:35.080 --> 00:54:39.400
more empowered to step into dating.

565
00:54:40.360 --> 00:54:45.520
And if you don't we can talk about it. Like I'm gonna we're gonna open up for

566
00:54:45.520 --> 00:54:52.320
questions. We got like 35-40 minutes here and I think someone posted I love this.

567
00:54:52.320 --> 00:54:56.560
Thank you so much for your note-taking. She kind of you are awesome. I love it.

568
00:54:56.560 --> 00:55:00.320
Love love love.

569
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:01.540
Susan, so you did the same thing?

570
00:55:01.540 --> 00:55:02.160
Yes, girl.

571
00:55:02.160 --> 00:55:10.180
Like I, you and I are not the only ones like we definitely, many women

572
00:55:10.180 --> 00:55:15.720
probably relate to, to that, like you abandon yourself, like, you know, and,

573
00:55:15.720 --> 00:55:21.180
and that's, and there's no shame in that ladies, but I want you to spend

574
00:55:21.180 --> 00:55:26.960
time and like, ask yourself, like, okay.

575
00:55:26.960 --> 00:55:30.020
Like, if I did this in the past, where's, where's that root?

576
00:55:30.360 --> 00:55:31.340
Let's heal that.

577
00:55:32.300 --> 00:55:36.120
And ladies, as you date in this season, like that's going to start

578
00:55:36.120 --> 00:55:37.460
revealing these things to you.

579
00:55:37.460 --> 00:55:42.440
So you can start peeling those layers off and you really get to step into that

580
00:55:42.440 --> 00:55:45.360
fullness of who, who God has you to be.

581
00:55:49.520 --> 00:55:50.280
All right.

582
00:55:50.840 --> 00:55:52.480
I got three hands up, three questions.

583
00:55:52.480 --> 00:55:53.440
Anybody else?

584
00:55:55.120 --> 00:55:56.120
Anybody, anybody?

585
00:55:56.960 --> 00:55:57.460
Okay.

586
00:55:57.460 --> 00:55:58.680
Susan, I'm going to take you first.

587
00:55:58.680 --> 00:56:02.320
Cause I feel like I've missed you a few times and I'm going to Susan, Gail and

588
00:56:02.320 --> 00:56:06.040
Karen, and then anybody else throw those hands up, um, Catherine.

589
00:56:06.040 --> 00:56:06.540
Okay.

590
00:56:06.720 --> 00:56:13.280
You're going to go under, um, I think it's under react on the bottom toolbar.

591
00:56:14.840 --> 00:56:17.440
And then there's going to be a tab that says, raise hand.

592
00:56:18.480 --> 00:56:18.980
Got it.

593
00:56:18.980 --> 00:56:19.480
Okay.

594
00:56:19.480 --> 00:56:24.480
So you're going to go under, um, I think it's under react on the bottom toolbar.

595
00:56:24.480 --> 00:56:27.080
And then there's going to be a tab that says, raise hand.

596
00:56:28.080 --> 00:56:28.580
Got it.

597
00:56:30.720 --> 00:56:31.220
All right.

598
00:56:31.240 --> 00:56:36.160
And so then, okay, we got Susan, Gail, Karen, and Catherine and look at Susan.

599
00:56:36.200 --> 00:56:37.880
She is out like enjoying life.

600
00:56:37.920 --> 00:56:38.680
Look at her.

601
00:56:38.720 --> 00:56:39.320
Oh my gosh.

602
00:56:40.160 --> 00:56:41.200
Susan, where do you live?

603
00:56:41.200 --> 00:56:42.240
Do you live in Florida?

604
00:56:42.240 --> 00:56:43.240
I'm going to be so jealous.

605
00:56:44.000 --> 00:56:45.080
I live in Arizona.

606
00:56:45.880 --> 00:56:46.380
Okay.

607
00:56:46.380 --> 00:56:47.920
For everyone, the view.

608
00:56:48.080 --> 00:56:48.680
So don't mind me.

609
00:56:48.680 --> 00:56:49.760
I'm in my like sports bra.

610
00:56:49.760 --> 00:56:50.520
I just miss Palm trees.

611
00:56:50.520 --> 00:56:51.960
And I'm like, I miss Florida.

612
00:56:51.960 --> 00:56:55.680
I'm going to a hair appointment and my husband was in the car with me and we

613
00:56:55.680 --> 00:57:00.520
passed these like beautiful homes like these, I mean, they're massive, um, here

614
00:57:00.520 --> 00:57:04.680
in the Dallas area and this one house has like Palm trees in their backyard.

615
00:57:04.720 --> 00:57:07.800
And I'm like, babe, I want Palm trees in my backyard.

616
00:57:08.560 --> 00:57:10.080
It would just make me feel like I'm back in Florida.

617
00:57:12.880 --> 00:57:13.380
All right.

618
00:57:14.200 --> 00:57:15.240
What'd you have for us today?

619
00:57:15.240 --> 00:57:15.760
Don't mind me.

620
00:57:15.760 --> 00:57:20.160
I've got like teeth, whitening strips in and hopefully I don't talk about good.

621
00:57:20.280 --> 00:57:22.960
Um, no, I just had a question.

622
00:57:23.000 --> 00:57:27.160
Um, I went on a date, it was actually a while ago and I forgot to ask the

623
00:57:27.160 --> 00:57:31.040
coaches, I was just like wondering like how you would have handled the situation

624
00:57:31.040 --> 00:57:32.480
cause it was inappropriate.

625
00:57:32.800 --> 00:57:33.300
Okay.

626
00:57:34.000 --> 00:57:37.040
He was like a few minutes late, which is like, okay, fine.

627
00:57:37.400 --> 00:57:43.440
But, um, then when we sat down to eat, like his phone would go off and then he

628
00:57:43.440 --> 00:57:46.000
would stop and like start responding to his texts.

629
00:57:46.000 --> 00:57:46.800
He's like, Oh, hold on.

630
00:57:46.800 --> 00:57:48.760
I just like to respond and handle things right away.

631
00:57:49.200 --> 00:57:50.480
And I'm like, no problem.

632
00:57:50.520 --> 00:57:51.020
You know?

633
00:57:51.360 --> 00:57:55.720
And then he took a call, like to me, that's rude.

634
00:57:56.320 --> 00:58:00.360
Um, and then, then we were, you know, we talked and stuff like that.

635
00:58:00.360 --> 00:58:05.120
And then I got up to go to the bathroom and then he, I think I came back and he

636
00:58:05.120 --> 00:58:08.200
was just basically implying that he enjoyed watching me walk away.

637
00:58:09.120 --> 00:58:11.920
Um, and I think I was just so caught off guard.

638
00:58:11.920 --> 00:58:13.240
Like I just laughed.

639
00:58:13.240 --> 00:58:15.360
I didn't know what to like, how to handle it.

640
00:58:15.360 --> 00:58:17.400
And then hindsight is like, what would I have done?

641
00:58:17.400 --> 00:58:19.960
Should I have just like caught up and laughed?

642
00:58:20.000 --> 00:58:22.280
Like, what would you have done?

643
00:58:22.640 --> 00:58:23.140
Okay.

644
00:58:24.080 --> 00:58:24.400
Okay.

645
00:58:24.400 --> 00:58:31.800
First thing, um, the few minutes late, I would give grace there for

646
00:58:31.800 --> 00:58:32.960
first date, give grace.

647
00:58:33.160 --> 00:58:33.560
Okay.

648
00:58:33.560 --> 00:58:36.760
That, that one, that's not a, that's not a flag.

649
00:58:36.800 --> 00:58:37.400
Okay.

650
00:58:37.720 --> 00:58:40.280
Ladies, it's a flag when it's consistent.

651
00:58:40.800 --> 00:58:41.040
Okay.

652
00:58:41.040 --> 00:58:44.080
And I know some of you're gonna be like, but Carla, I just want a guy, like I get

653
00:58:44.400 --> 00:58:44.920
Okay.

654
00:58:45.760 --> 00:58:47.560
This is when, okay.

655
00:58:47.840 --> 00:58:52.320
You may not like people being late, but just because it's your preference

656
00:58:52.320 --> 00:58:54.120
doesn't mean that it's somebody else's.

657
00:58:55.000 --> 00:58:55.600
Okay.

658
00:58:56.640 --> 00:59:02.600
This is where you just get curious and you get to communicate what's important to you.

659
00:59:03.200 --> 00:59:04.920
So it could be a one-off.

660
00:59:05.520 --> 00:59:06.880
He might show up late.

661
00:59:07.120 --> 00:59:07.600
Okay.

662
00:59:07.800 --> 00:59:09.480
You're going to look for patterns.

663
00:59:09.480 --> 00:59:11.840
This is where we are being observant.

664
00:59:12.320 --> 00:59:15.200
This is what the dating for discovery part is about.

665
00:59:15.480 --> 00:59:21.800
So things like arriving late, that's not a nope, not going on a date with him again.

666
00:59:21.840 --> 00:59:22.120
Nope.

667
00:59:22.120 --> 00:59:22.760
Don't like him.

668
00:59:23.080 --> 00:59:24.560
That's not a, Oh, that's a flag.

669
00:59:24.600 --> 00:59:32.520
No, it's not a flag until it becomes consistent and you've approached it with

670
00:59:32.520 --> 00:59:40.440
some grace and had some curiosity or have expressed like, Hey, you know, in the

671
00:59:40.440 --> 00:59:45.160
future, can you let me know if you're going to be a little late?

672
00:59:45.200 --> 00:59:46.360
I'm cool with you being late.

673
00:59:46.360 --> 00:59:48.360
I just need a heads up, something like that.

674
00:59:48.480 --> 00:59:48.960
Okay.

675
00:59:49.760 --> 00:59:55.760
Then if there's no respect for that boundary again, like then that's, that's

676
00:59:55.760 --> 00:59:57.800
a, okay, we're, we're going to be mindful of that.

677
00:59:58.160 --> 00:59:58.560
Okay.

678
00:59:59.040 --> 00:59:59.960
It's a, we're going to.

679
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.280
be observant okay so the few minutes late I wouldn't I wouldn't have been

680
01:00:05.280 --> 01:00:08.600
alarmed with that I wouldn't that would have just been a I didn't like that okay

681
01:00:08.600 --> 01:00:17.560
continue moving on the being on the phone kind of another thing I agree I do

682
01:00:17.560 --> 01:00:23.440
not like people being on their phones when you're spending time y'all I even

683
01:00:23.440 --> 01:00:28.680
have this with my husband when I'm having conversation with him cuz he's

684
01:00:28.680 --> 01:00:35.240
working he's got agents he's got people and I'm like I'll stop my conversation

685
01:00:35.240 --> 01:00:43.040
and I'll be like and he'll be like what and I'm like honey I'm okay pausing

686
01:00:43.040 --> 01:00:50.080
cuz if you need to stop I'm not gonna continue talking because it doesn't make

687
01:00:50.080 --> 01:00:53.720
it feel like what I'm saying is important to you and he's like babe I'm

688
01:00:53.720 --> 01:00:58.120
listening I'm listening I'm like I know you're listening to me it doesn't feel

689
01:00:58.120 --> 01:01:04.320
good for me and so I'm willing to adjust that I'll stop because I know he

690
01:01:04.320 --> 01:01:11.000
might need to take that call I'm willing to compromise there okay so that's just

691
01:01:11.000 --> 01:01:17.000
again first date now my husband was not doing that on a first date okay so again

692
01:01:17.000 --> 01:01:21.400
that would be a just because it's my preference doesn't always mean it's

693
01:01:21.400 --> 01:01:25.520
theirs again you don't know what I mean you might know what his job is I mean my

694
01:01:25.520 --> 01:01:31.240
first thing in my top of my head is real estate agents are the people that

695
01:01:31.240 --> 01:01:33.880
I would think if y'all are going on dates with the real estate agents I

696
01:01:33.880 --> 01:01:37.440
would think those are people that are constantly on their phone make I mean

697
01:01:37.440 --> 01:01:43.320
cuz that is you get an offer you got to move things quickly I'm not I don't know

698
01:01:43.320 --> 01:01:46.600
if he was a real estate agent and I don't like I'm sure he probably wasn't

699
01:01:46.600 --> 01:01:53.640
okay but those are things like you're gonna observe and if someone is on a

700
01:01:53.760 --> 01:01:57.320
date like if I want a first date and someone picks up their phone and then

701
01:01:57.320 --> 01:02:02.440
takes a call when there's an opportunity and they put it down on I would be like

702
01:02:02.440 --> 01:02:13.040
hey I might I'm the type of person I can I don't mind being confrontational at

703
01:02:13.040 --> 01:02:22.000
times in a gentle way I have no problem saying hey is there a reason that you're

704
01:02:22.000 --> 01:02:27.960
having to be on your phone I'm gonna approach it with some curiosity I'm

705
01:02:27.960 --> 01:02:31.800
gonna be curious about it you know because I don't know what if they're

706
01:02:31.800 --> 01:02:37.280
like my my mud I just found out my mother's in the hospital well I'm gonna

707
01:02:37.280 --> 01:02:42.640
have some compassion for that or if he's like oh I like I'm a real estate agent I

708
01:02:42.640 --> 01:02:47.880
got this one like I'm gonna have some compassion for that but I have some

709
01:02:47.880 --> 01:02:54.720
understanding I want to be curious I'm gonna ask a question okay now if the

710
01:02:54.720 --> 01:03:00.400
response is oh like and it's kind of just like whatever I'll be like oh okay

711
01:03:00.400 --> 01:03:06.440
well um you know a little a little bit about me is I really like when I'm

712
01:03:06.440 --> 01:03:09.720
getting to know someone to be like in the here and now and I like to not have

713
01:03:09.720 --> 01:03:14.800
the distractions of my phone would it be okay if you put that away while we're

714
01:03:14.800 --> 01:03:21.800
getting to know one another and you get to see how he responds if there is a

715
01:03:21.800 --> 01:03:29.600
genuine respect girl you got answers and you're gonna see the next the next date

716
01:03:29.600 --> 01:03:35.680
does he acknowledge putting his phone away in the future does he register that

717
01:03:35.680 --> 01:03:41.200
because if a man is interested in you he's going to listen for those things

718
01:03:41.200 --> 01:03:48.320
and he's going to want to impress you okay now if he's kind of just like

719
01:03:48.320 --> 01:03:54.520
shrugs it off or gets defensive girl that's your answer you can finish your

720
01:03:54.520 --> 01:03:58.520
dinner so you get a night you can get fed okay all right you're still be

721
01:03:58.520 --> 01:04:01.920
pleasant and you still enjoy yourself like so make conversation not gonna be

722
01:04:01.920 --> 01:04:09.120
rude you just know yep that that's it that's a no when we say it's a yes until

723
01:04:09.120 --> 01:04:12.080
it's no that right there that disrespect like he just didn't honor

724
01:04:12.080 --> 01:04:17.080
that does it make him a bad person you don't have to sit there and have your

725
01:04:17.080 --> 01:04:21.080
judgments about him and sit here and I get all angry about it you just be like

726
01:04:21.080 --> 01:04:28.560
thanks Lord you really showed me that that's not something that seems like it

727
01:04:28.560 --> 01:04:33.600
aligns with what God would want for me and I appreciate you showing me that and

728
01:04:33.600 --> 01:04:40.560
I got some experience I got to utilize you know setting a boundary you know

729
01:04:40.560 --> 01:04:45.560
you've got you got to practice some things and you take that and then if he

730
01:04:45.560 --> 01:04:49.520
asked to go on another date you say you know I appreciate the offer I just don't

731
01:04:49.520 --> 01:04:54.400
think that this is gonna end in a romantic match so I wish you the best of

732
01:04:54.400 --> 01:04:58.520
luck but no I'm not interested in the second date but thank you that's how you

733
01:04:58.520 --> 01:05:01.840
respond to that okay

734
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:10.300
Now, the comment that he made, do you see how at this point, if you would have probably

735
01:05:10.300 --> 01:05:15.160
come in with some curious questions, you probably would have gotten some answer before he even

736
01:05:15.160 --> 01:05:18.800
opened the door to this comment.

737
01:05:18.800 --> 01:05:22.480
And at that point, you might have even stopped the comment because he would have been like,

738
01:05:22.480 --> 01:05:26.560
whoa, this girl knows who she is.

739
01:05:26.560 --> 01:05:28.220
She's confident in herself.

740
01:05:28.220 --> 01:05:34.340
She values herself.

741
01:05:34.340 --> 01:05:43.740
The guy would be ridiculously brain dead if he's going to make a comment like that to

742
01:05:43.740 --> 01:05:51.620
a woman that is saying, hey, when I'm getting to know somebody, I like to avoid distractions.

743
01:05:51.620 --> 01:06:05.820
Or hey, you don't have to be not getting a clue to realize, wow, this woman is a woman

744
01:06:05.820 --> 01:06:08.100
who knows who she is.

745
01:06:08.100 --> 01:06:12.580
And she's valuable.

746
01:06:12.580 --> 01:06:14.580
She's a catch.

747
01:06:14.580 --> 01:06:19.340
And any guy in their right mind is not going to make a inappropriate comment like, oh,

748
01:06:19.340 --> 01:06:23.140
I really enjoyed watching you walk away.

749
01:06:23.140 --> 01:06:24.140
Are you kidding?

750
01:06:24.140 --> 01:06:25.140
No.

751
01:06:25.140 --> 01:06:35.860
And if you did have those interactions with him when he came in late and when he got his

752
01:06:35.860 --> 01:06:46.100
phone out and then he said that, girl, at that point, you just say, you know what?

753
01:06:46.100 --> 01:06:50.580
This date is over and you get up and you walk away.

754
01:06:50.580 --> 01:06:52.660
Or I would say, you know what?

755
01:06:52.660 --> 01:06:54.640
This is the last time you're going to see me walk away.

756
01:06:54.640 --> 01:06:56.380
So enjoy the view one last time.

757
01:06:56.380 --> 01:07:02.580
And I'd get up y'all like that.

758
01:07:02.580 --> 01:07:04.060
That's what I would say.

759
01:07:04.060 --> 01:07:09.220
Like at that point, that's that's that's that's how I respond.

760
01:07:09.220 --> 01:07:15.180
OK, like because that's just my personality because I don't I don't tolerate that stuff.

761
01:07:15.260 --> 01:07:17.700
So at that point, like.

762
01:07:17.700 --> 01:07:24.420
I feel like I've I've been very clear of what my boundaries are and what I how I want you

763
01:07:24.420 --> 01:07:28.780
to show up on a date and and how I want to be treated on a date that when you make a

764
01:07:28.780 --> 01:07:32.460
comment like that, there is really no other explanation.

765
01:07:32.460 --> 01:07:33.460
But you know what?

766
01:07:33.460 --> 01:07:36.340
This this is done.

767
01:07:36.340 --> 01:07:39.260
This is your last look of the of the view.

768
01:07:39.260 --> 01:07:40.260
Enjoy it.

769
01:07:40.260 --> 01:07:43.460
And I'm going to tell it last because it happened in a way.

770
01:07:43.460 --> 01:07:44.460
All right.

771
01:07:44.460 --> 01:07:46.300
So that would be like my response.

772
01:07:46.300 --> 01:07:52.300
Now, if you hadn't had that, like you could just be like again, it would be like, I'm

773
01:07:52.300 --> 01:07:58.420
sorry that that comment is not appropriate or that didn't make me feel comfortable.

774
01:07:58.420 --> 01:08:01.780
And I'm going to go.

775
01:08:01.780 --> 01:08:06.060
I really don't like that.

776
01:08:06.060 --> 01:08:07.460
That's not OK.

777
01:08:07.460 --> 01:08:08.820
I don't like those kinds of things.

778
01:08:08.860 --> 01:08:13.100
And I don't like for me, I don't even like it when men are joking like that, like that,

779
01:08:13.100 --> 01:08:14.580
especially for a first date.

780
01:08:14.580 --> 01:08:17.060
And some guys think that's flirty.

781
01:08:17.060 --> 01:08:18.460
Yeah, I don't I don't like it.

782
01:08:20.700 --> 01:08:25.220
You know, and if if you kind of like feel like, OK, it's just like he was nervous or

783
01:08:25.220 --> 01:08:30.260
whatever, you know, you might be like like, ha ha, that's funny, but, you know.

784
01:08:31.380 --> 01:08:35.340
That really makes me uncomfortable, like I don't really know you that well, like, can

785
01:08:35.340 --> 01:08:39.979
we save those kind of like flirty pickup lines for when we spent some time knowing

786
01:08:39.979 --> 01:08:46.939
each other a little more like again, like you get to decide what that looks like for

787
01:08:46.939 --> 01:08:49.140
me. I would end the date.

788
01:08:50.060 --> 01:08:54.460
Yeah, yeah. I should have been a red flag is like I didn't want to make too much of

789
01:08:54.460 --> 01:09:00.180
it. But now in hindsight, like even before the date, he was like, yeah, I'm just

790
01:09:00.180 --> 01:09:02.140
trying to get you to spend all your time with me.

791
01:09:02.300 --> 01:09:04.020
And I'm like, you haven't even met me in person.

792
01:09:04.020 --> 01:09:06.100
You're just basically going off my pictures.

793
01:09:06.620 --> 01:09:13.060
Yeah. You know, but after the ladies do I do want to share like some of these men

794
01:09:13.060 --> 01:09:14.580
really just don't know.

795
01:09:15.500 --> 01:09:16.979
They don't have coaches.

796
01:09:18.060 --> 01:09:20.100
They do this because it does work.

797
01:09:20.100 --> 01:09:25.060
Over. Can you mute?

798
01:09:25.660 --> 01:09:30.779
There you go. Thanks, babe. Like some men do this because it works.

799
01:09:31.540 --> 01:09:35.340
Because for some women who haven't had hard work.

800
01:09:36.420 --> 01:09:40.060
I mean, before I had hard work, that kind of stuff would make me feel like, oh,

801
01:09:40.060 --> 01:09:42.220
flattered. Oh, look, I'm you know, I'm cute.

802
01:09:42.220 --> 01:09:43.899
Like they like I would.

803
01:09:43.899 --> 01:09:45.380
I mean, I'm going to be honest with you, ladies.

804
01:09:45.380 --> 01:09:52.020
Like, yeah, that would have worked on me prior to hard work because I was not a very

805
01:09:52.020 --> 01:09:54.340
confident like person about myself.

806
01:09:54.340 --> 01:09:58.100
I didn't have a strong identity and who I was.

807
01:09:58.100 --> 01:10:00.100
And so men do.

808
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.840
because it will work for women and there are women out there that will give it up

809
01:10:04.840 --> 01:10:09.800
on the first date. They'll kiss on a first date. They'll have sex on a first date.

810
01:10:09.800 --> 01:10:16.360
They'll flirt on the first date. They'll show up dressed like implying that

811
01:10:16.360 --> 01:10:18.760
they'll do that on a first date and maybe they won't but they'll like

812
01:10:18.760 --> 01:10:24.360
they'll give the guy something to look at. I mean and I'm not like it

813
01:10:24.360 --> 01:10:30.800
happens and and that's why I you know I'm I don't excuse men's behavior. I

814
01:10:30.800 --> 01:10:34.200
don't think men should behave like that but I also think us women are also

815
01:10:34.200 --> 01:10:40.680
accountable to that as well. Like I'm teaching my daughter you don't dress and

816
01:10:40.680 --> 01:10:46.160
act a certain way but men I'm teaching my boys you most

817
01:10:46.160 --> 01:10:51.120
certainly do not talk to women a certain way and look at women a certain way. I

818
01:10:51.120 --> 01:10:58.680
mean we both are accountable to those things. So yeah unfortunately yeah you

819
01:10:58.680 --> 01:11:05.040
will ladies you you may potentially come into contact with some men that just

820
01:11:05.040 --> 01:11:10.080
don't know better and they do it because it's worked for them in the past and so

821
01:11:10.080 --> 01:11:17.680
you get to decide you know what I I'm not even gonna entertain this but you do

822
01:11:17.680 --> 01:11:23.400
it with grace. You shut it down with grace. You shut it down with divine

823
01:11:23.400 --> 01:11:32.360
feminine. You can still hold strong boundaries and be kind. Like being nice

824
01:11:32.360 --> 01:11:38.760
and kind to me are two different things. I can be kind and firm. My

825
01:11:38.760 --> 01:11:42.320
kindness is not just kindness towards you it's kindness towards myself as well

826
01:11:42.320 --> 01:11:52.240
and I can do it in a soft graceful way as well that honors me and also is

827
01:11:52.240 --> 01:11:58.760
respectful to you and makes you know that wasn't okay. Does that help? Yeah I

828
01:11:58.760 --> 01:12:02.760
did thank you yeah I'm like oh I'm getting these guys I had another one on

829
01:12:02.760 --> 01:12:07.440
I was texting and I sent him pictures of myself and he put like a drooling emoji

830
01:12:07.440 --> 01:12:10.880
on all of them and then I said that we would do another call and he put like

831
01:12:10.880 --> 01:12:15.440
the yummy face emoji and I'm like that's not the right emoji. That to me is

832
01:12:15.440 --> 01:12:20.200
like never mind and then you block them. Yeah and then he's like ooh that body

833
01:12:20.200 --> 01:12:26.320
deserves some serious attention and then like I was like what? Yeah yeah and I

834
01:12:26.320 --> 01:12:31.160
don't like you know pay attention like you know when that initially happened

835
01:12:31.160 --> 01:12:36.600
what were your thoughts and feelings? Yeah just like kind of shocked like I'm

836
01:12:36.600 --> 01:12:41.400
always just like shocked and then I think just like and in I think I always

837
01:12:41.400 --> 01:12:44.480
want to assume the best of people maybe he didn't mean it like that because it

838
01:12:44.480 --> 01:12:47.200
was like he said other stuff and we had one call and he seemed like he was a

839
01:12:47.200 --> 01:12:51.680
serious Christian and he'd done fasting and he's this and that and you just like

840
01:12:51.680 --> 01:12:56.040
you you kind of make excuses or you're like this can't be what he meant I don't

841
01:12:56.040 --> 01:13:03.240
know like oh well this is just how men are right like yeah I mean I just want

842
01:13:03.240 --> 01:13:07.640
you to be checking yourself or you know in the past was that a pattern in the

843
01:13:07.640 --> 01:13:11.320
past was that something that worked for you isn't the past was that something

844
01:13:11.320 --> 01:13:16.520
that you know made you feel like mm-hmm someone was attracted to you yeah like

845
01:13:16.520 --> 01:13:20.720
does that reassure you like does that I mean those are questions to be asking

846
01:13:20.720 --> 01:13:25.360
yourself and to be sitting with you know and being like oh like that doesn't feel

847
01:13:25.360 --> 01:13:29.040
good why does that not feel good did that ever feel good in the past like why

848
01:13:29.040 --> 01:13:32.440
didn't like it's just time for reflection like you get to spend that

849
01:13:32.440 --> 01:13:37.360
time with the Lord if you if you notice that that comes up frequently yeah

850
01:13:37.360 --> 01:13:45.120
that's helpful yeah thank you absolutely all right Gail I want to know have you

851
01:13:45.120 --> 01:13:52.560
made a decision I have made of a decision I just haven't okay

852
01:13:52.560 --> 01:14:00.360
related I haven't relayed it um Ebeneez I think Ebeneez I came in in the

853
01:14:00.360 --> 01:14:07.320
afternoon Ebeneez suggested I hit a 90-day mark with the gentleman that is

854
01:14:07.320 --> 01:14:12.600
local I'm sorry I have a terrible cold that I would choose a date and tell

855
01:14:12.600 --> 01:14:18.800
because both men were like acting like they've had enough of this me dating two

856
01:14:18.800 --> 01:14:24.160
people for months you know and so she said hit the three three month or the 90

857
01:14:24.160 --> 01:14:28.880
day date which is April 7th and tell both of them you'll make a decision by

858
01:14:29.000 --> 01:14:33.880
then which I did I'm very honest I tell both of them I'm going please don't show

859
01:14:33.880 --> 01:14:39.320
up at my house the local guy shows up at my house please don't show up at my

860
01:14:39.320 --> 01:14:44.040
house I'm going on a date and so I'm very open with both of them I don't know

861
01:14:44.040 --> 01:14:48.520
if that's wise or not wise but I don't want to lie you know stop by your house

862
01:14:48.520 --> 01:14:55.240
I love that you're not wanting to lie that's good so um but the guy from Oneida

863
01:14:55.240 --> 01:15:01.920
I've had a lot more dates with him both men are very

864
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.120
respectful, very, um, I guess the one red flag I have with United guy, which is a

865
01:15:07.120 --> 01:15:13.640
distance guy, he's an hour and 15 minutes away. And he's been coming, coming to me

866
01:15:13.680 --> 01:15:19.980
each time we've been seeing each other. Um, he's not a Christian. I decided, you

867
01:15:19.980 --> 01:15:25.960
know, he's been, I know God, I believe in God. But as it is, we're now in to the

868
01:15:25.960 --> 01:15:32.120
second month. Um, he doesn't have a relationship with God. And even though

869
01:15:32.120 --> 01:15:41.480
he's really wonderful, I just I can't, I can't, you know, or two are unequally

870
01:15:41.480 --> 01:15:47.600
yoked together, you know, and so that made the decision. He's the one that's

871
01:15:47.600 --> 01:15:58.240
going. Yes. Okay. He is the local guy. Um, uh, I talked about his family. Yes,

872
01:15:58.240 --> 01:16:04.500
his family is more open to me and receptive of, you know, um, you know,

873
01:16:04.500 --> 01:16:08.240
like we were going to go someplace and his daughter bought tickets for us to

874
01:16:08.240 --> 01:16:13.200
go him and I. So I'm feeling it that way. But this is the question I have. This

875
01:16:13.200 --> 01:16:22.880
is the I don't know if it's yellow or red flag. Now he does not speak. I want

876
01:16:22.880 --> 01:16:30.080
to say not swear, but he he doesn't swear, but he doesn't have filthy

877
01:16:30.080 --> 01:16:38.040
language around me. But the big but is his family are f word every other every

878
01:16:38.120 --> 01:16:42.560
every sentence f word f whenever we're around them. It's and it's it drives me

879
01:16:42.560 --> 01:16:46.760
crazy. And he tries to tell them let's be civil. Let's be civil. There's a lady

880
01:16:46.760 --> 01:16:53.160
here and they don't listen to him. Um, at all. And that's the only I mean,

881
01:16:53.160 --> 01:16:56.200
that's not like we're gonna be living with his family or anything. But that's

882
01:16:56.200 --> 01:17:02.720
the one I mean, he doesn't he doesn't do it. He doesn't have filthy language out

883
01:17:02.720 --> 01:17:09.360
of his mouth. But his family, I've never heard so many f bombs, you know, they

884
01:17:09.360 --> 01:17:13.040
can't even complete a sentence without saying it. And it bothers me. And he

885
01:17:13.040 --> 01:17:17.320
keeps looking at me like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but they won't listen to him. So

886
01:17:17.320 --> 01:17:21.720
I don't even know what to do in that situation. Okay, sounds good. Okay, a

887
01:17:21.720 --> 01:17:28.120
couple things. So you've made a decision. Local guys is the one that

888
01:17:28.120 --> 01:17:32.920
you're choosing. So I would let's get that done. Let's not wait till April

889
01:17:32.920 --> 01:17:39.480
7. Okay, I think both men are will appreciate that. Okay. I think local guy

890
01:17:39.480 --> 01:17:45.120
will appreciate that you didn't make them wait any longer. And then I think

891
01:17:45.120 --> 01:17:49.000
the long distance guy will will appreciate the fact I mean, it might not

892
01:17:49.000 --> 01:17:56.160
feel good. But I think in the long run, he he will get to sort that out on how

893
01:17:56.160 --> 01:18:01.640
he receives it will be his own journey. And I think you know, do you have an

894
01:18:01.640 --> 01:18:06.640
idea of like, how you will share it with him? No, he keeps making all these

895
01:18:06.640 --> 01:18:11.960
elaborate plans. And I just I was here listening to your he was like, Okay,

896
01:18:11.960 --> 01:18:15.480
Friday, all set. I'm going to help you move out. I have an apartment building.

897
01:18:15.960 --> 01:18:20.080
I have to move my I'm move. I had furnished the apartment building. Now

898
01:18:20.080 --> 01:18:23.600
I've got to move the part the furnishings out of the the one apartment

899
01:18:23.640 --> 01:18:27.560
should I say? Yes, he's making all these plans. He's making all these I got boxes.

900
01:18:28.360 --> 01:18:31.160
I got tape and you're just gonna you're just gonna have to rip a bandaid off

901
01:18:31.160 --> 01:18:36.720
Gail, you're gonna rip the bandaid off. Okay. Um, you just say, Hey, I know

902
01:18:36.720 --> 01:18:40.040
you're making all these plans. And I know I told you I was going to give you

903
01:18:40.080 --> 01:18:46.240
until April 7, to make a decision. I don't want to make you or anybody have

904
01:18:46.240 --> 01:18:51.840
to wait that long. I have really enjoyed my time with you. You've really made me

905
01:18:51.840 --> 01:18:58.560
feel special and seen. And I appreciated and valued your intention to court me

906
01:18:58.560 --> 01:19:06.960
and to get to know me. It has meant a lot to me. However, what is what? What is

907
01:19:06.960 --> 01:19:11.400
very important to me where I don't know, we're actually not even say I don't

908
01:19:11.400 --> 01:19:19.640
know. I know that will not allow me to continue this relationship is where

909
01:19:19.640 --> 01:19:29.160
we're both at with our faith. And, you know, I, I, you know, yeah, and just

910
01:19:29.160 --> 01:19:34.880
see it like that. That's important to me. I, I know that walking with someone

911
01:19:34.880 --> 01:19:39.720
that has an intimate, deep relationship with the Lord, is what the Lord wants

912
01:19:39.720 --> 01:19:45.680
for me and what, like, it's important to me because I value that that is number

913
01:19:45.680 --> 01:19:50.120
one. And I know that you will, you've said you would honor that and respect

914
01:19:50.120 --> 01:19:55.080
that. But it's not just about you honoring my relationship with the Lord.

915
01:19:55.560 --> 01:20:00.080
It's about me also desire.

916
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:06.480
that my partner has a deep intimate relationship with the Lord as well. And

917
01:20:06.480 --> 01:20:12.760
it's not fair to you for me to pressure you into that because your relationship

918
01:20:12.760 --> 01:20:22.920
with the Lord should be yours, not based on my needs and wants. Okay? Yeah. And I

919
01:20:22.920 --> 01:20:26.640
think the reason what I like with this if it's if you can go back in the

920
01:20:26.640 --> 01:20:30.800
recording if you want to pull anything like from that you can you can use any

921
01:20:30.800 --> 01:20:35.640
of the words if you want but I think I think even framing it like it's not fair

922
01:20:35.640 --> 01:20:43.840
to you for me to ask you to build an intimate relationship with God because

923
01:20:43.840 --> 01:20:50.880
that your relationship with God has nothing to do with me and if I ask that

924
01:20:50.880 --> 01:20:59.040
of you then it's not it's not oh it's not a true valuable relationship with

925
01:20:59.040 --> 01:21:07.040
the Lord and that's important and I want to respect that for you I also need to

926
01:21:07.040 --> 01:21:15.560
respect that for me as well so you just gonna pull the band-aid off okay so now

927
01:21:15.560 --> 01:21:22.000
real quick so we can move on to the other two ladies the language of the

928
01:21:22.000 --> 01:21:31.480
family okay ladies when you get married and you marry into families there's

929
01:21:31.480 --> 01:21:38.200
gonna be things you can't control I relate to you Gail because my husband's

930
01:21:38.200 --> 01:21:43.840
dad's side of the family that lives south like near Austin they live in the

931
01:21:43.840 --> 01:21:54.080
country they got language they they drink first okay but y'all like what's

932
01:21:54.080 --> 01:21:59.440
different about them is they they have deep relationships with the Lord but

933
01:21:59.440 --> 01:22:06.560
they have colorful language and you know my my brother and sister-in-laws they

934
01:22:06.560 --> 01:22:09.960
may not have this strongest relationship with the Lord but my father-in-law and

935
01:22:09.960 --> 01:22:18.520
his wife do I don't love it especially when my kids are around I don't always

936
01:22:18.520 --> 01:22:21.880
love the drinking I don't like some of the conversations that they talk about I

937
01:22:21.880 --> 01:22:26.480
don't like that my nieces and nephews hear about like some of their parents

938
01:22:26.480 --> 01:22:32.120
escapades that they go on and do and my kids have come up to us and then like

939
01:22:32.120 --> 01:22:34.880
you know because sometimes we'll have a couple drinks like my husband and I

940
01:22:34.880 --> 01:22:38.840
don't drink anymore now but in the very beginning like we would go down there

941
01:22:38.840 --> 01:22:42.120
when you have like you know a couple drinks and stuff my youngest would be

942
01:22:42.120 --> 01:22:47.400
like mom I don't want you drinking it made my kid uncomfortable and I that's

943
01:22:47.400 --> 01:22:51.040
when I finally I like my husband Isaac had to sit down conversation and like

944
01:22:51.040 --> 01:22:59.040
you know what we're not doing this but we get to decide what what works for us

945
01:22:59.040 --> 01:23:06.240
we don't have to participate in it but we can't force someone else to do what

946
01:23:06.240 --> 01:23:10.880
we ask them to do and to align with it and so that's just one of the things

947
01:23:10.880 --> 01:23:19.520
that when I go down there I just know I prepare myself you know what boundaries

948
01:23:19.520 --> 01:23:24.360
do I want to set my husband I will have a conversation of like look this is what

949
01:23:24.360 --> 01:23:27.240
this is gonna look like this is what I'm allowed I'm okay with the kids being

950
01:23:27.240 --> 01:23:31.160
around this I want this time frame I don't want to be around this lot you

951
01:23:31.160 --> 01:23:38.960
make you set a plan before you go over there and so you decide like hey honey I

952
01:23:38.960 --> 01:23:43.280
know we're going to your families I know they're not willing to change their

953
01:23:43.280 --> 01:23:47.600
language I get that I will respect that I don't enjoy it I appreciate that you

954
01:23:47.600 --> 01:23:54.320
try to get them to not do that we can't control them would it be okay if we just

955
01:23:54.320 --> 01:23:58.520
spend two hours there I will be able to tolerate it for two hours after two

956
01:23:58.520 --> 01:24:04.400
hours I'm gonna have to ask that we go you guys come to an agreement and and a

957
01:24:04.400 --> 01:24:10.520
boundary of what that will look like does that help yes very much so thank

958
01:24:10.520 --> 01:24:15.120
you I was hoping it wasn't a red flag no no I mean you can't control what the

959
01:24:15.120 --> 01:24:19.320
other family does like ladies like you you're gonna meet members that you

960
01:24:19.320 --> 01:24:25.040
didn't even realize existed y'all like and then you'll meet family members and

961
01:24:25.040 --> 01:24:31.640
they're gonna be all great and then you know down the road a family member is

962
01:24:31.640 --> 01:24:35.920
gonna like show you their true colors and you're gonna be like oh I'm this is

963
01:24:35.920 --> 01:24:41.320
you're married you can't divorce someone just because her mom shows up being

964
01:24:41.320 --> 01:24:47.360
manipulative you know it manipulates your children yeah like that happened to

965
01:24:47.360 --> 01:24:51.760
me just a couple months ago my mother-in-law was manipulating my oldest

966
01:24:51.760 --> 01:24:56.480
son and got really nasty to him and I just looked at my husband I'm like I'm

967
01:24:56.480 --> 01:25:02.000
not okay with this and he and I had a conversation of what that looked like

968
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.240
like moving forward.

969
01:25:01.240 --> 01:25:03.920
And I love her and she, you know, I do,

970
01:25:03.920 --> 01:25:08.460
I care about her deeply, but I said, moving forward,

971
01:25:08.460 --> 01:25:12.800
I'm not comfortable with our kids being forced

972
01:25:12.800 --> 01:25:15.440
to stay with your mom when we have to leave out of town.

973
01:25:15.440 --> 01:25:16.640
We will find other people.

974
01:25:16.640 --> 01:25:18.280
God will provide us other people.

975
01:25:20.240 --> 01:25:21.080
Okay.

976
01:25:21.080 --> 01:25:23.680
Because I don't want my oldest son to feel like

977
01:25:23.680 --> 01:25:25.280
he's told he's not allowed to work

978
01:25:25.280 --> 01:25:29.720
so that he has to do something for them.

979
01:25:30.000 --> 01:25:31.600
And do hard labor for them.

980
01:25:33.120 --> 01:25:35.480
Like, it just was, and that's what we do.

981
01:25:35.480 --> 01:25:38.200
Like, you just have to have the conversations.

982
01:25:38.200 --> 01:25:40.640
The relationship is between you and him

983
01:25:40.640 --> 01:25:43.340
and you have to decide what works for the two of you.

984
01:25:44.200 --> 01:25:46.200
And there has to be an agreement before.

985
01:25:47.360 --> 01:25:48.200
Okay.

986
01:25:48.200 --> 01:25:49.020
Okay.

987
01:25:49.020 --> 01:25:49.860
It's on the red flag.

988
01:25:49.860 --> 01:25:50.760
Okay.

989
01:25:50.760 --> 01:25:51.580
You're welcome.

990
01:25:51.580 --> 01:25:54.200
All right, Karen, you're up next and then Catherine.

991
01:25:54.200 --> 01:25:59.200
Okay, first thing, I wanted just to let you know,

992
01:25:59.360 --> 01:26:02.280
I'd love to get a copy of the list you put up

993
01:26:02.280 --> 01:26:04.840
about ways women abandon themselves.

994
01:26:04.840 --> 01:26:07.760
And I tried to do a copy and paste, but it didn't work.

995
01:26:07.760 --> 01:26:10.200
So just wanted to let you know if there's any way

996
01:26:10.200 --> 01:26:12.920
to get that in the, you know, whatever.

997
01:26:12.920 --> 01:26:14.480
Well, you put a post and say,

998
01:26:14.480 --> 01:26:18.320
hey, can you share with me some ways?

999
01:26:18.320 --> 01:26:20.480
And then I'll just say, and I'll kind of give you

1000
01:26:20.480 --> 01:26:25.480
just some of my own experiences of how that's happened to me

1001
01:26:25.600 --> 01:26:27.440
and just go off of that.

1002
01:26:27.440 --> 01:26:28.760
Does that work?

1003
01:26:29.360 --> 01:26:30.840
Whatever works, just letting you know,

1004
01:26:30.840 --> 01:26:32.040
I think it's a great list

1005
01:26:32.040 --> 01:26:34.560
and I've actually been doing a lot of it, so I'm yay,

1006
01:26:34.560 --> 01:26:36.400
but I always like to keep checking

1007
01:26:36.400 --> 01:26:38.160
and I do need to keep learning.

1008
01:26:38.160 --> 01:26:41.040
So I'd be like, hey, can you share with me more about,

1009
01:26:41.040 --> 01:26:43.440
you know, ways women might abandon themselves

1010
01:26:43.440 --> 01:26:46.240
in a relationship and how to show up in the divine feminine?

1011
01:26:46.240 --> 01:26:47.080
Sure.

1012
01:26:47.080 --> 01:26:48.000
Questions that I could be asking myself

1013
01:26:48.000 --> 01:26:50.080
and then I'll shoot you that list.

1014
01:26:50.080 --> 01:26:50.920
Sure, that sounds great.

1015
01:26:50.920 --> 01:26:52.800
And then ladies, y'all can be on the lookout for that too,

1016
01:26:52.800 --> 01:26:54.960
if you want a copy of that.

1017
01:26:54.960 --> 01:26:55.920
Sound good?

1018
01:26:55.920 --> 01:26:56.760
Sounds good.

1019
01:26:56.760 --> 01:26:57.600
Okay.

1020
01:26:57.600 --> 01:26:58.440
The main question I have,

1021
01:26:58.440 --> 01:27:00.520
or the only question really,

1022
01:27:00.520 --> 01:27:03.360
is I've been on Plenty of Fish

1023
01:27:03.360 --> 01:27:06.360
and I've been getting like a huge number of likes

1024
01:27:06.360 --> 01:27:08.920
since I started like February 5th.

1025
01:27:09.920 --> 01:27:13.720
And I only began checking those on February 19th,

1026
01:27:13.720 --> 01:27:15.320
two weeks later.

1027
01:27:15.320 --> 01:27:17.360
And it was just like a huge number.

1028
01:27:17.360 --> 01:27:20.760
And I finally got through all of the likes

1029
01:27:20.760 --> 01:27:22.520
to discerning what to do with them,

1030
01:27:22.520 --> 01:27:24.800
responded to a few men, you know,

1031
01:27:25.680 --> 01:27:28.640
just, you know, swiped off some others, all of that.

1032
01:27:28.640 --> 01:27:29.520
Okay.

1033
01:27:29.520 --> 01:27:34.520
But at this, it was tiring.

1034
01:27:35.760 --> 01:27:38.200
I'll be honest, it's like, oh my God,

1035
01:27:38.200 --> 01:27:39.200
you know, what's happening?

1036
01:27:39.200 --> 01:27:41.320
So anyway, my question is,

1037
01:27:41.320 --> 01:27:43.560
I'd like to do whatever else I can do

1038
01:27:43.560 --> 01:27:46.160
to screen more men out.

1039
01:27:46.160 --> 01:27:47.000
Okay.

1040
01:27:47.000 --> 01:27:49.400
I have been praying, I'm an intercessor,

1041
01:27:49.400 --> 01:27:50.520
I've been decreeing,

1042
01:27:50.520 --> 01:27:52.720
Lord, you open the doors that are meant to be,

1043
01:27:52.720 --> 01:27:54.000
that no one can close

1044
01:27:54.000 --> 01:27:56.480
and you close the doors that no one can open.

1045
01:27:56.480 --> 01:27:58.400
That's the keep David from scripture.

1046
01:27:58.400 --> 01:28:00.760
And I was thinking, I know I checked,

1047
01:28:00.760 --> 01:28:03.280
I think Ebony said, it was like,

1048
01:28:03.280 --> 01:28:06.800
at one point in another site,

1049
01:28:06.800 --> 01:28:08.360
it was okay to put in my profile

1050
01:28:08.360 --> 01:28:11.640
that I've been through a Job-like experience,

1051
01:28:11.640 --> 01:28:13.320
Job-like in the Bible.

1052
01:28:13.320 --> 01:28:14.560
Yeah.

1053
01:28:14.560 --> 01:28:17.760
But I'm thinking of adding that, you know,

1054
01:28:17.760 --> 01:28:20.360
I'm about 95% recovered,

1055
01:28:20.360 --> 01:28:22.520
cause that's the truth, you know.

1056
01:28:23.120 --> 01:28:25.080
I'm still dealing with a little bit.

1057
01:28:27.320 --> 01:28:28.160
So I don't know.

1058
01:28:28.160 --> 01:28:29.280
I don't know if that might help

1059
01:28:29.280 --> 01:28:31.080
or if there are any other ideas.

1060
01:28:33.600 --> 01:28:36.440
I mean, my intuition,

1061
01:28:36.440 --> 01:28:37.600
like the first thing that I think

1062
01:28:37.600 --> 01:28:41.240
is just allowing the men to be curious about that

1063
01:28:41.240 --> 01:28:45.040
and asking you those questions.

1064
01:28:45.040 --> 01:28:46.480
Now, but when you say like,

1065
01:28:46.480 --> 01:28:48.720
you wanting men to be screened.

1066
01:28:49.920 --> 01:28:51.600
Well, that's what a profile is.

1067
01:28:52.040 --> 01:28:54.080
Honestly, for me, a profile, yeah.

1068
01:28:54.080 --> 01:28:59.080
But you're not gonna be able to screen out who likes you.

1069
01:29:00.600 --> 01:29:01.560
Oh, right.

1070
01:29:01.560 --> 01:29:04.400
But they might screen themselves out.

1071
01:29:04.400 --> 01:29:08.040
But when you go, you get to screen out.

1072
01:29:08.040 --> 01:29:09.760
So they're not,

1073
01:29:09.760 --> 01:29:12.880
I don't want you to start putting up all of these walls

1074
01:29:12.880 --> 01:29:16.080
that you're trying to get people to not want to like you.

1075
01:29:16.080 --> 01:29:19.400
I'm doing it, honestly, and it's not working.

1076
01:29:19.400 --> 01:29:20.400
But it's working.

1077
01:29:20.400 --> 01:29:21.400
Well, it's not working

1078
01:29:21.400 --> 01:29:22.880
because God doesn't want you to do that.

1079
01:29:22.880 --> 01:29:25.720
No, no, honestly, I know somebody else who got married

1080
01:29:25.720 --> 01:29:26.960
and they put things in,

1081
01:29:26.960 --> 01:29:29.640
I'm just speaking about who I am.

1082
01:29:29.640 --> 01:29:30.480
Yeah.

1083
01:29:30.480 --> 01:29:32.600
They don't like it, then they, you know.

1084
01:29:32.600 --> 01:29:33.720
Then they can't, exactly.

1085
01:29:33.720 --> 01:29:34.560
You're just gonna-

1086
01:29:34.560 --> 01:29:35.400
That's all I mean.

1087
01:29:35.400 --> 01:29:36.680
That's all I mean.

1088
01:29:36.680 --> 01:29:40.200
Ladies, when you're filling out your profile,

1089
01:29:40.200 --> 01:29:43.640
you are just allowing, it's an invitation.

1090
01:29:43.640 --> 01:29:46.160
It's an invitation for someone

1091
01:29:46.160 --> 01:29:48.280
to just get to know you better.

1092
01:29:48.280 --> 01:29:50.520
What do you want them to know about you?

1093
01:29:50.520 --> 01:29:52.280
It's an invitation.

1094
01:29:52.280 --> 01:29:55.120
Now, we're not gonna give them all the deep, dark secrets.

1095
01:29:55.120 --> 01:29:56.120
Okay?

1096
01:29:56.120 --> 01:29:59.040
We're not gonna over share.

1097
01:29:59.040 --> 01:29:59.880
Okay?

1098
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.680
We're gonna give them like the big parts of like

1099
01:30:03.680 --> 01:30:06.880
what you really want anybody knowing about you.

1100
01:30:06.880 --> 01:30:10.320
Like what would you want anybody walking on the street

1101
01:30:10.320 --> 01:30:12.440
that might stop and say hi to you?

1102
01:30:12.440 --> 01:30:14.600
What would you like them to know about you?

1103
01:30:15.760 --> 01:30:17.680
Like that's what you're sharing.

1104
01:30:17.680 --> 01:30:22.680
Now as far as screening men, you get to decide that.

1105
01:30:22.760 --> 01:30:27.760
So one thing that like I did is I would pull up the profile

1106
01:30:30.160 --> 01:30:35.160
and for me personally, if their religion did not say

1107
01:30:38.000 --> 01:30:42.000
Christian, gone.

1108
01:30:42.000 --> 01:30:45.880
I don't care how wonderfully written their profile was.

1109
01:30:45.880 --> 01:30:50.600
I don't care if they were like Mr. December on the calendar.

1110
01:30:50.600 --> 01:30:54.360
Like if you didn't say that you were a Christian,

1111
01:30:55.440 --> 01:30:58.680
I didn't even, I just swiped it.

1112
01:30:59.680 --> 01:31:01.840
You could have sent me this beautiful message

1113
01:31:01.840 --> 01:31:03.640
that was super thought and I'd be like eh,

1114
01:31:03.640 --> 01:31:05.520
you're not Christian, bye.

1115
01:31:05.520 --> 01:31:07.160
I wouldn't look at now.

1116
01:31:07.160 --> 01:31:09.600
Now I was open, I'm like Lord,

1117
01:31:09.600 --> 01:31:13.880
if I'm going to swipe and you don't want me to,

1118
01:31:13.880 --> 01:31:16.800
I trust that you're gonna tell me.

1119
01:31:16.800 --> 01:31:18.400
And I don't have to second guess it.

1120
01:31:18.400 --> 01:31:19.960
I don't have to be critical of myself.

1121
01:31:19.960 --> 01:31:22.040
I don't have to like question myself.

1122
01:31:22.040 --> 01:31:24.000
You're just gonna give me a Holy Spirit prompting

1123
01:31:24.000 --> 01:31:25.080
and I trusted that.

1124
01:31:26.080 --> 01:31:29.840
And so I also just surrendered that.

1125
01:31:29.840 --> 01:31:34.200
Like Lord, I trust that if I swipe on somebody

1126
01:31:35.080 --> 01:31:39.280
and I wasn't supposed to, you've got a way.

1127
01:31:39.280 --> 01:31:41.080
You've got all sorts of ways to be able to bring

1128
01:31:41.080 --> 01:31:43.360
that person right back into my presence.

1129
01:31:44.560 --> 01:31:47.560
Like I don't have to worry about messing this up.

1130
01:31:48.960 --> 01:31:52.960
So when you go through it, like you get to just,

1131
01:31:53.000 --> 01:31:57.440
I don't want you to sit there and overanalyze

1132
01:31:57.440 --> 01:32:01.320
do I swipe or do I not, okay?

1133
01:32:01.320 --> 01:32:04.240
I've got my criteria and I like that.

1134
01:32:04.240 --> 01:32:05.760
Yeah, so just go with that.

1135
01:32:05.760 --> 01:32:08.680
I mean, yeah, you're gonna pull things up,

1136
01:32:08.680 --> 01:32:11.000
but like again, like it could be like

1137
01:32:11.000 --> 01:32:12.600
they didn't put Christian on their thing.

1138
01:32:12.600 --> 01:32:16.680
Like you remove them, you know?

1139
01:32:16.680 --> 01:32:21.120
I even, another thing I would swipe through their photos,

1140
01:32:21.120 --> 01:32:26.120
ladies, if they had any shirtless selfie pictures.

1141
01:32:31.360 --> 01:32:32.920
No, they didn't make the cut.

1142
01:32:34.240 --> 01:32:37.120
If they had pictures, you know, in the gym

1143
01:32:37.120 --> 01:32:38.960
or in the bathroom, like they had the bathroom.

1144
01:32:38.960 --> 01:32:41.480
No, I'm not doing that.

1145
01:32:41.480 --> 01:32:44.600
Like I wanted like genuine pictures.

1146
01:32:44.600 --> 01:32:48.200
If they had pictures of them like partying,

1147
01:32:48.520 --> 01:32:53.520
like with a drink in their hand, no.

1148
01:32:54.360 --> 01:32:56.160
All right, I don't have anything against like drinking

1149
01:32:56.160 --> 01:32:57.920
and having like a few drinks with somebody,

1150
01:32:57.920 --> 01:33:01.040
but I was like, I'm a mom.

1151
01:33:01.040 --> 01:33:02.000
I'm in my late 30s.

1152
01:33:02.000 --> 01:33:04.000
I don't need to be doing that, you know?

1153
01:33:04.000 --> 01:33:07.080
Like, you know, do I like a nice glass of wine

1154
01:33:07.080 --> 01:33:07.920
every now and then?

1155
01:33:07.920 --> 01:33:12.440
Yeah, but I don't need to see you holding

1156
01:33:12.440 --> 01:33:15.280
this glass of wine in a picture.

1157
01:33:15.280 --> 01:33:17.160
Like I don't need to see that.

1158
01:33:17.160 --> 01:33:21.560
Now, if you're in Napa and you're at a winery,

1159
01:33:21.560 --> 01:33:25.080
okay, that's gonna intrigue me more

1160
01:33:25.080 --> 01:33:27.560
because it's, you like to travel places

1161
01:33:27.560 --> 01:33:29.320
and I wanna go to Napa.

1162
01:33:29.320 --> 01:33:32.080
I've actually been to Napa since, you know, I've dated,

1163
01:33:32.080 --> 01:33:36.080
but I'm like, those would be things I wanna see.

1164
01:33:36.080 --> 01:33:37.560
Do you have pictures of traveling?

1165
01:33:37.560 --> 01:33:41.560
Because those are things that I like, you know?

1166
01:33:41.560 --> 01:33:45.760
Do you have pictures being outdoors?

1167
01:33:47.360 --> 01:33:52.040
Like, those are things that I would look for, but yeah.

1168
01:33:53.240 --> 01:33:57.560
Shirtless selfies, gym selfies, bathroom selfies.

1169
01:33:58.680 --> 01:34:00.640
I don't care what you said.

1170
01:34:00.640 --> 01:34:02.240
You could sit there and say, I'm a Christian.

1171
01:34:02.240 --> 01:34:04.240
I love Jesus, and you could sit there

1172
01:34:04.240 --> 01:34:06.120
and quote the Bible in your profile

1173
01:34:06.120 --> 01:34:09.120
and you got a gym shirtless selfie.

1174
01:34:10.520 --> 01:34:12.040
Bye.

1175
01:34:12.040 --> 01:34:14.920
Like, you get to decide all of that.

1176
01:34:14.920 --> 01:34:17.880
But again, when you're doing your profile,

1177
01:34:17.880 --> 01:34:20.760
like, go in it with a,

1178
01:34:20.760 --> 01:34:23.080
what do I want just anyone to know about me?

1179
01:34:23.080 --> 01:34:24.880
What do I love about myself

1180
01:34:24.880 --> 01:34:27.760
that I want to invite people in to know who I am?

1181
01:34:30.360 --> 01:34:32.080
Like, what's important to me?

1182
01:34:32.080 --> 01:34:33.680
Yeah, and this is important.

1183
01:34:33.680 --> 01:34:36.600
So I think, and Ebony already said,

1184
01:34:36.600 --> 01:34:39.920
yeah, it's fine to put that in about having, you know,

1185
01:34:39.920 --> 01:34:42.920
I've been through a Job-like experience.

1186
01:34:43.200 --> 01:34:45.240
I think I might add the 95.

1187
01:34:45.240 --> 01:34:47.760
I might just add that just because I want to,

1188
01:34:47.760 --> 01:34:50.080
I honestly, I know somebody who's married.

1189
01:34:50.080 --> 01:34:53.960
It might, it might, it might elicit some curiosity

1190
01:34:53.960 --> 01:34:55.680
and it might be like something

1191
01:34:55.680 --> 01:34:57.240
that they want to have a conversation about.

1192
01:34:57.240 --> 01:35:00.040
And when you have that conversation, I would.

1193
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:06.320
filter out all the details, but you get to share like the highlights, the surface level stuff,

1194
01:35:06.320 --> 01:35:10.720
where they get to know you a little better. Does that make sense?

1195
01:35:10.720 --> 01:35:12.800
Yeah, I'll think about the input. Thank you.

1196
01:35:12.800 --> 01:35:17.200
Awesome. All right, Catherine, you're last. You're up. And then I got to go.

1197
01:35:18.640 --> 01:35:20.320
How are you today, Catherine?

1198
01:35:20.320 --> 01:35:26.880
Hi. Yeah, I'm okay. But I wanted to talk about that last date. And yeah.

1199
01:35:26.880 --> 01:35:39.600
Yeah. So it was nice. But I don't know. So I asked about like, I tried to ask open questions,

1200
01:35:39.600 --> 01:35:46.000
like we talked about church. And then he said he didn't really go to church right now. And I said,

1201
01:35:46.560 --> 01:35:51.440
well, do you think that's maybe not that important to you? Or what do you think? And he was like,

1202
01:35:51.440 --> 01:36:00.640
no, I think it's important. But yeah, so but it's kind of hard to find a church when you're kind of

1203
01:36:00.640 --> 01:36:09.200
asleep in the morning. But there is a church that has afternoon services and stuff. Yeah.

1204
01:36:09.200 --> 01:36:14.000
But I've been also thinking that I don't want him to like go to church because of me.

1205
01:36:14.880 --> 01:36:23.600
And I also, you know, I have been dating him before. So this was like a first date.

1206
01:36:24.160 --> 01:36:32.560
But I told him about my dad that's been diagnosed with cancer and that stuff. And that it's kind of

1207
01:36:33.760 --> 01:36:39.840
a heavy subject. But I felt like I needed to tell him so that he could like,

1208
01:36:39.920 --> 01:36:46.160
know where I'm at right now. Yeah. Like doing a lot of reintroducing this relationship,

1209
01:36:46.160 --> 01:36:51.920
like there is a little bit of a past that way. If there's a little bit of a setback, it's like

1210
01:36:51.920 --> 01:36:56.640
it because you have something else going on in your life. Yeah, yeah. And so when I'm when I

1211
01:36:56.640 --> 01:37:05.280
told him about that, he was I mean, he said that it was sad, but he was really quick to move along

1212
01:37:05.680 --> 01:37:10.800
really quick to move along to like, he started talking about someone he knew that had been sick

1213
01:37:10.800 --> 01:37:15.840
before or something. And then I kind of didn't feel seen then because he kind of rushed along.

1214
01:37:16.480 --> 01:37:23.680
And I actually addressed it a little bit later on. And he just said that it was really hard for him

1215
01:37:24.960 --> 01:37:32.720
to talk about death and cancer and stuff. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know if it was good or not good

1216
01:37:32.720 --> 01:37:39.680
that I kind of addressed it because I kind of felt like I want you to behave this way. So I'm

1217
01:37:39.680 --> 01:37:44.880
gonna I mean, I think it's you're you're practicing, these are things that you're practicing,

1218
01:37:44.880 --> 01:37:51.120
you are, you're recognizing, like, I shared something, you quickly moved off of it. And

1219
01:37:51.120 --> 01:37:58.320
it made me feel this. And then you got to address something. And then now after he responded,

1220
01:37:58.320 --> 01:38:06.080
how did that make you feel? Did? Did the? Did you? Did that feeling of not being seen go away

1221
01:38:06.080 --> 01:38:15.120
when he explained? No, not right away. But then we got to talk a little bit more about it. And

1222
01:38:15.120 --> 01:38:24.880
then I felt seen because he he is a good listener. Okay. But what I noticed pretty quickly is that

1223
01:38:25.840 --> 01:38:33.280
he talks a lot. And I'm not used to guys talking that much. It's, it's more like,

1224
01:38:33.280 --> 01:38:37.520
like, I will ask him a question, and he will start talking about it. But he will like give

1225
01:38:37.520 --> 01:38:46.720
me every detail. So it kind of, yeah, that's not typical. It takes such a long time. And I'm like,

1226
01:38:46.720 --> 01:38:51.280
I feel like I feel like it's very stretching to me. I'm like, okay, like,

1227
01:38:52.240 --> 01:39:01.600
but it's hard to just be myself and just relax in a sense. And, and I remember this being an issue

1228
01:39:01.600 --> 01:39:11.600
the last time around. But, oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. So a couple things here. Yeah. He talks a lot.

1229
01:39:11.600 --> 01:39:17.920
So that's, that's that. Yeah. If you're not used to men talking like that is not most men don't

1230
01:39:18.400 --> 01:39:24.800
talk a lot. Most of the time as women have more words. But I want to I want to go back to this.

1231
01:39:25.840 --> 01:39:33.920
When you shared about your when you shared about your dad, you, you went to feeling like you

1232
01:39:33.920 --> 01:39:43.760
weren't seen because you the response wasn't what you had hoped. I want to like to me that's showing

1233
01:39:43.840 --> 01:39:52.720
me like what that could be a heart revealing. Is there any other times in your past where

1234
01:39:53.760 --> 01:40:00.000
that is a pattern where you you open up and then it's not

1235
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:09.960
it's not received and then you feel you almost feel like you opened yourself up

1236
01:40:09.960 --> 01:40:16.960
and you feel like exposed and then like it's uncomfortable like I just exposed

1237
01:40:16.960 --> 01:40:23.360
myself and now I didn't get seen I didn't get acknowledged and now I'm

1238
01:40:23.360 --> 01:40:31.640
hurt do you have other times in your past where that feels similar is that a

1239
01:40:31.640 --> 01:40:36.640
pattern like are there times when you want to share something with somebody

1240
01:40:36.640 --> 01:40:40.800
and you're hoping that there's a connection and that they're gonna they're

1241
01:40:40.800 --> 01:40:46.080
gonna see you and hear you and you don't receive that and it leaves you feeling

1242
01:40:46.080 --> 01:40:54.360
like not connected to them yes this this exact situation reminded me but it

1243
01:40:54.360 --> 01:41:02.760
wasn't really me but me and my ex we visited my dad and I think it was my ex

1244
01:41:02.760 --> 01:41:09.800
that told about that his sister had cancer and that that was hard for us and

1245
01:41:09.800 --> 01:41:17.440
then he he just started talking about something else and at that moment I felt

1246
01:41:17.440 --> 01:41:24.920
like that was rude but I've since when I think about it I know that he's really

1247
01:41:24.920 --> 01:41:31.000
bad talking about feelings and he probably just didn't know how to like

1248
01:41:31.000 --> 01:41:36.120
what to say but yeah that reminded me of that that's so when these types of

1249
01:41:36.120 --> 01:41:39.400
things happen this is when you know ladies when you're in and you're in

1250
01:41:39.400 --> 01:41:42.720
dating and you're getting to know people I these are the things that I want you

1251
01:41:42.720 --> 01:41:46.400
to recognize like I want you to be in tune with your emotions and your

1252
01:41:46.400 --> 01:41:51.120
feelings when you feel like you're not being seen or certain things aren't

1253
01:41:51.120 --> 01:41:57.240
getting reciprocated it is important to be recognizing how does this feel

1254
01:41:57.240 --> 01:42:02.200
similar because things that happened in your past and how it was felt in the

1255
01:42:02.200 --> 01:42:07.680
past it will show up in in current relationship if it's not healed and so

1256
01:42:07.680 --> 01:42:12.840
this could just be an indication for you know God wanting you to go go back if

1257
01:42:12.840 --> 01:42:17.360
there's some areas of forgiveness if there's a lie that you know got rooted

1258
01:42:17.360 --> 01:42:21.640
and what you were believing and God wants to come and replace it with truth

1259
01:42:21.640 --> 01:42:28.880
so I would encourage you to spend some time with the Lord this week on that

1260
01:42:28.880 --> 01:42:35.360
like reflect on that like reflect on what that feeling was like when I share

1261
01:42:35.360 --> 01:42:40.800
something and it's not reciprocated or it's I don't get the response that I'm

1262
01:42:40.800 --> 01:42:48.880
hoping it makes me feel like I'm not seen what do I believe about myself what

1263
01:42:48.880 --> 01:42:55.320
does that say about me and is it true and then you know go through that

1264
01:42:55.320 --> 01:42:59.560
process go through that revealing healing cycle because and that reason I

1265
01:42:59.560 --> 01:43:06.680
that's why I asked you after you addressed it and he expressed well you

1266
01:43:06.680 --> 01:43:11.920
know it's just really hard for me to talk about this hmm did you still feel

1267
01:43:11.920 --> 01:43:17.240
that way and you said kinda mmm so that's what's telling me there's that

1268
01:43:17.240 --> 01:43:22.160
that to me it's there it's below the surface okay like I like that you went

1269
01:43:22.160 --> 01:43:27.880
to him and interest it because you're it's the curiosity so if you're going in

1270
01:43:27.880 --> 01:43:33.640
with that curiosity and you're just like well I didn't feel good why did you do

1271
01:43:33.640 --> 01:43:39.840
that and then they come and like oh like I you know I was thrown off guard like

1272
01:43:39.840 --> 01:43:43.240
I'm sorry like that just is really uncomfortable I didn't know how because

1273
01:43:43.240 --> 01:43:48.160
some people don't know how to react with heavy things like that we don't know

1274
01:43:48.160 --> 01:43:52.680
where they're at we don't know what their experiences are with death and

1275
01:43:52.680 --> 01:43:58.080
cancer and some pretty emotional topics so it could be a discomfort for them and

1276
01:43:58.080 --> 01:44:00.920
that's why they're responding out of their own discomfort not because they

1277
01:44:00.920 --> 01:44:06.080
don't care to see you and they want to connect with you they are just

1278
01:44:06.080 --> 01:44:14.600
uncomfortable in their own place and so when we ask for that curiosity and if it

1279
01:44:14.600 --> 01:44:20.720
is a I just didn't know how to respond there would be a relief with that and

1280
01:44:20.720 --> 01:44:25.560
you would be able to move on but because it still resonates a little bit it tells

1281
01:44:25.560 --> 01:44:29.840
me that there's something it's there's something below the surface there yeah

1282
01:44:29.840 --> 01:44:40.680
so I want you to just can I stop saying what's that so when where we left it was

1283
01:44:40.680 --> 01:44:47.040
that he wanted to see me again and I said that I wanted to see him too then

1284
01:44:47.040 --> 01:44:54.400
there hasn't been any contact since then and I just feel like I've just noticed

1285
01:44:54.400 --> 01:45:01.640
in the days that has gone by that I think I need a lot more

1286
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:05.880
that I know what's going to happen than I usually do probably because the grief that

1287
01:45:05.880 --> 01:45:07.440
is coming in and out.

1288
01:45:07.440 --> 01:45:08.440
Yeah.

1289
01:45:08.440 --> 01:45:13.480
So I think this divine feminine teaching that we've kind of gone over is this.

1290
01:45:13.480 --> 01:45:16.600
Are you feeling like you need to control an outcome?

1291
01:45:16.600 --> 01:45:17.600
Yeah.

1292
01:45:17.600 --> 01:45:20.440
And so sit and process that.

1293
01:45:20.440 --> 01:45:26.600
I think it's okay for you just to sit and allow the love to come to you.

1294
01:45:26.600 --> 01:45:28.480
You know, it's okay.

1295
01:45:28.480 --> 01:45:34.120
You let that be in his court, but you don't let that hold you back from getting out and

1296
01:45:34.120 --> 01:45:35.120
enjoying life.

1297
01:45:35.120 --> 01:45:36.120
Okay.

1298
01:45:36.120 --> 01:45:37.120
You've opened the door.

1299
01:45:37.120 --> 01:45:38.120
Yeah.

1300
01:45:38.120 --> 01:45:43.320
I'm just wondering if I should just, I just want to give up in a way.

1301
01:45:43.320 --> 01:45:45.640
Well, let's just keep the door open.

1302
01:45:45.640 --> 01:45:51.080
What would it look like if you kept the door open and just trust God to handle and do what

1303
01:45:51.080 --> 01:45:53.040
needs to happen?

1304
01:45:53.040 --> 01:45:56.280
What would that look like?

1305
01:45:56.280 --> 01:45:57.560
You don't have to do anything.

1306
01:45:57.640 --> 01:45:59.280
You don't have to lose hope.

1307
01:45:59.280 --> 01:46:00.480
You don't have to shut a door.

1308
01:46:00.480 --> 01:46:03.320
You don't have to make anything happen.

1309
01:46:03.320 --> 01:46:07.280
You get to just let it leave there and you get to sit and be like, Lord, what do you

1310
01:46:07.280 --> 01:46:09.600
want me to do today?

1311
01:46:09.600 --> 01:46:13.440
How can I enjoy this life that you gave me?

1312
01:46:13.440 --> 01:46:16.160
You know, what is something that you want to go out and enjoy?

1313
01:46:16.160 --> 01:46:18.080
Do you want to go meet some new people?

1314
01:46:18.080 --> 01:46:20.960
Do you want to go, you know, are, are you on the apps?

1315
01:46:20.960 --> 01:46:22.480
Are you getting to know other people?

1316
01:46:22.480 --> 01:46:25.760
Are you, you know, going to like meet up things?

1317
01:46:25.760 --> 01:46:29.360
Are you going, you know, to farmer's markets and getting to know stranger?

1318
01:46:29.360 --> 01:46:33.360
Like, what is it that you want to do to go enjoy life?

1319
01:46:33.360 --> 01:46:35.000
And you can leave that door open.

1320
01:46:35.000 --> 01:46:36.000
And you know what?

1321
01:46:36.000 --> 01:46:43.240
If he, if he doesn't contact you for weeks, but then a month later, he's like, Hey, sorry,

1322
01:46:43.240 --> 01:46:44.800
I had some stuff going on.

1323
01:46:44.800 --> 01:46:46.840
Would you like to go out again?

1324
01:46:46.840 --> 01:46:50.240
There's no, there's no awkwardness.

1325
01:46:50.240 --> 01:46:53.360
You just are like, Oh yeah, I'd love to go out.

1326
01:46:53.360 --> 01:46:54.840
And you get to, you get to choose to do that.

1327
01:46:54.920 --> 01:46:58.720
And you get to see what unfolds.

1328
01:46:58.720 --> 01:47:03.160
It's just hard because I don't really have peace now because of that.

1329
01:47:03.160 --> 01:47:04.160
Yeah.

1330
01:47:04.160 --> 01:47:05.720
Well, so let's, let's talk about that.

1331
01:47:05.720 --> 01:47:09.880
What, what, what feels unpeaceful?

1332
01:47:09.880 --> 01:47:11.000
What are you hearing?

1333
01:47:11.000 --> 01:47:12.800
What are you feeling?

1334
01:47:12.800 --> 01:47:15.800
What's the worry?

1335
01:47:15.800 --> 01:47:18.800
Just that I don't know what is happening.

1336
01:47:18.800 --> 01:47:24.840
So what would it feel like if you just didn't need to know what has happening?

1337
01:47:24.840 --> 01:47:26.840
Where's that come from?

1338
01:47:26.840 --> 01:47:34.240
Is there ever, does this feel familiar that you didn't know what was happening?

1339
01:47:34.240 --> 01:47:38.600
And when you didn't know something that was happening and you found out something, what

1340
01:47:38.600 --> 01:47:39.600
happened?

1341
01:47:40.600 --> 01:47:42.720
Hmm.

1342
01:47:42.720 --> 01:47:46.560
You didn't know what, like what was going to happen.

1343
01:47:46.560 --> 01:47:49.760
And then what happened?

1344
01:47:49.760 --> 01:47:53.320
Was it devastating?

1345
01:47:53.320 --> 01:48:00.000
There's probably a lot of times that has happened, but one of them is when my ex left me, but

1346
01:48:00.000 --> 01:48:02.960
I've already walked through that in heart work.

1347
01:48:02.960 --> 01:48:04.480
So, okay.

1348
01:48:04.480 --> 01:48:09.240
So we walk through that and heart work does not necessarily always mean that there's not

1349
01:48:09.280 --> 01:48:12.560
deeper layers of healing.

1350
01:48:12.560 --> 01:48:16.400
There can still be some residual stuff there.

1351
01:48:16.400 --> 01:48:20.160
So you might want to sit with it and be like, Lord, is there anything else that I'm holding

1352
01:48:20.160 --> 01:48:23.920
onto that you want to heal?

1353
01:48:23.920 --> 01:48:26.440
Or is there a deeper root there?

1354
01:48:26.440 --> 01:48:34.320
Is this from, maybe it's not from my ex, but maybe it's something from further in my past.

1355
01:48:34.640 --> 01:48:45.040
I've recognized in myself that there's times where there are things in my childhood that

1356
01:48:45.040 --> 01:48:52.120
caused something else in my teenage years that caused something else in dating relationships

1357
01:48:52.120 --> 01:48:57.840
that caused something else in my relationship with my son's dad.

1358
01:48:58.080 --> 01:49:05.800
I might've dealt with something way back in my teenage years, but that same feeling comes

1359
01:49:05.800 --> 01:49:12.400
up and I'm like, oh, this reminds me of something from my son's dad and I had to go work and

1360
01:49:12.400 --> 01:49:13.400
heal that.

1361
01:49:13.400 --> 01:49:19.440
And then something else might come up and I realized this comes from, for example, just

1362
01:49:19.440 --> 01:49:26.520
recently, I realized my sense of needing to have control over everything and feeling like

1363
01:49:26.520 --> 01:49:32.680
everything is my responsibility was literally based on my childhood as early as three and

1364
01:49:32.680 --> 01:49:38.880
four years old, that my childhood always felt chaotic.

1365
01:49:38.880 --> 01:49:45.440
And I always felt like it was always put on me to have to create the calm.

1366
01:49:45.440 --> 01:49:51.160
I was responsible for creating my own calm at three and four years old.

1367
01:49:51.160 --> 01:49:58.000
So whenever there's chaos, guess what I feel like I have to do?

1368
01:49:58.000 --> 01:49:59.040
I have to be in charge.

1369
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:06.800
and that's in all my relate so when there's times just because we've gone

1370
01:50:06.800 --> 01:50:11.080
through heart work in a certain thing does it mean that there's not deeper

1371
01:50:11.080 --> 01:50:17.640
layers there could still be some residual stuff there so spend some time

1372
01:50:17.640 --> 01:50:23.480
this week I want you to process what comes up and then come in the app I want

1373
01:50:23.480 --> 01:50:27.160
you to share because I don't want you to wait a whole week you know give it a

1374
01:50:27.160 --> 01:50:32.760
couple days and then come and process share it with us and then we can help

1375
01:50:32.760 --> 01:50:37.360
you process through some more of that stuff that's not good yeah thank you

1376
01:50:37.360 --> 01:50:41.280
all right yeah and then going back to the whole you know it's hard to find a

1377
01:50:41.280 --> 01:50:44.720
church and hey she kind of are you are you able to unmute because I see you

1378
01:50:44.720 --> 01:50:48.040
chatting here and I want to read through your stuff here and I know I'm going a

1379
01:50:48.040 --> 01:50:51.000
little bit over but I want to I want we're gonna we're gonna chat through

1380
01:50:51.000 --> 01:50:55.200
what you're putting up and so but going back to that church like hard to

1381
01:50:55.200 --> 01:51:00.440
find a church I love that you like asked him like ask them a question like

1382
01:51:00.440 --> 01:51:05.920
and like is it important he said it's important great another question you can

1383
01:51:05.920 --> 01:51:10.640
ask him like so what are some other ways when you're not able to go to church

1384
01:51:10.640 --> 01:51:15.960
what are some other ways that you find time to connect with the Lord hmm and

1385
01:51:15.960 --> 01:51:20.160
see what he says do you have other outlets do you have other ways of

1386
01:51:20.160 --> 01:51:26.720
connecting in community he does go to a small group so like it's not that he's

1387
01:51:26.720 --> 01:51:30.080
saying that's not important it's just he does have a hard time finding it in

1388
01:51:30.080 --> 01:51:35.160
schedule yeah and be like oh have you ever thought about attending the church

1389
01:51:35.160 --> 01:51:39.000
that has the afternoon service have you ever looked at you know if there's a

1390
01:51:39.000 --> 01:51:42.120
Saturday night service I mean I know lots of churches do Saturday night

1391
01:51:42.120 --> 01:51:45.280
service I mean my church just literally moved from doing Sunday evenings now

1392
01:51:45.280 --> 01:51:49.400
we're doing Sunday mornings we were a church plant we were renting out a

1393
01:51:49.400 --> 01:51:53.000
church we had to do Sunday evenings but now we're at an elementary school so we

1394
01:51:53.000 --> 01:51:57.480
get to do Sunday mornings oh like just offer that suggestion and then you're

1395
01:51:57.480 --> 01:52:02.640
not forcing him you're just saying hey have you looked into this and then your

1396
01:52:02.640 --> 01:52:07.480
hands are off you're not forcing him to do anything yeah all right hey she kind

1397
01:52:07.480 --> 01:52:12.920
of hey okay I'm gonna I'm seeing you chat and the thing and I feel like I

1398
01:52:12.920 --> 01:52:17.920
want to I want to what's going on what's what's what's what we're chatting about

1399
01:52:17.920 --> 01:52:23.560
okay so are you talking about when I said I've had men tell me they haven't

1400
01:52:23.560 --> 01:52:29.720
found a church yet okay so you were talking about Facebook dating okay I

1401
01:52:29.720 --> 01:52:32.440
just saw you chatting a lot I'm like I don't want to ignore you because I feel

1402
01:52:32.440 --> 01:52:35.800
like the last time you were here and I'm like she had a lot of questions and then

1403
01:52:35.800 --> 01:52:42.120
I never got to address okay so you're saying most people on these apps call

1404
01:52:42.120 --> 01:52:45.360
themselves Christians because they believe there is a Christ but not

1405
01:52:45.360 --> 01:52:50.400
because they have relationships with him so yeah 100% that can happen that's

1406
01:52:50.400 --> 01:52:56.400
why we we have to just give grace there it's why we're gonna get curiosity but

1407
01:52:56.400 --> 01:53:04.120
you said if men haven't found a church but they spend hours for looking on one

1408
01:53:04.120 --> 01:53:10.440
so tell me more about that yeah because the church I go to now I was born and

1409
01:53:10.440 --> 01:53:15.320
raised in it right but I have but I've experienced moving way to the other side

1410
01:53:15.320 --> 01:53:19.440
of the country and moved from Virginia to California and I was there for five

1411
01:53:19.440 --> 01:53:24.880
years and every Sunday I would visit with a different ministry until I

1412
01:53:24.880 --> 01:53:29.160
planted myself somewhere where I felt comfortable so I know from experience

1413
01:53:29.160 --> 01:53:33.600
that if you're really serious about finding a church that you feel

1414
01:53:33.600 --> 01:53:36.840
comfortable with and that you feel like you're getting fed and I was actually

1415
01:53:36.840 --> 01:53:42.280
active not just a pew warmer you know I was on the pastoral support team you

1416
01:53:42.280 --> 01:53:47.160
know you know so I feel like hey if you got time to be on a date now I'm looking

1417
01:53:47.160 --> 01:53:50.320
for women today you have time to you know hey look at some churches in your

1418
01:53:50.320 --> 01:53:54.440
area and attend that's how I feel but like say you just moved to us to

1419
01:53:54.440 --> 01:53:58.040
somewhere if a guy if I'm out on a date and I'm like hey what church you go to

1420
01:53:58.040 --> 01:54:01.680
no like oh hey I just moved here two weeks ago haven't found the church yet

1421
01:54:01.680 --> 01:54:05.240
okay I get that but I've had one guy be like hey I've been here five years no

1422
01:54:05.240 --> 01:54:11.840
you're not looking no okay so let me ask you when that happens like how are you

1423
01:54:11.880 --> 01:54:21.480
approaching that like how what's your delivery with him so my response is

1424
01:54:21.480 --> 01:54:26.440
typically I'm so sorry you have not found a church yet in the five years

1425
01:54:26.440 --> 01:54:32.040
that you've been here I do know how it is looking for a church I've moved way

1426
01:54:32.040 --> 01:54:35.800
on the other side of a country I did take each Sunday and maybe some nights

1427
01:54:35.800 --> 01:54:39.400
through the week to visit different ministries until I found what I like and

1428
01:54:39.400 --> 01:54:44.120
I hope you find something that you like for me because I'm not just in church

1429
01:54:44.120 --> 01:54:50.920
I'm very active I can't be with someone that's not at least a member at least a

1430
01:54:50.920 --> 01:54:56.600
member where we're active like okay yeah I can't I can't be the one going to

1431
01:54:56.600 --> 01:54:59.560
church in your home watching a game on Sunday because it's up a fact that

1432
01:54:59.560 --> 01:55:01.920
you've

1433
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:05.840
ever been a member of a church, and that wasn't your priority,

1434
01:55:05.840 --> 01:55:06.880
but everything else is.

1435
01:55:06.880 --> 01:55:09.080
You get up and go to work, you're getting on a date

1436
01:55:09.080 --> 01:55:10.280
and out looking for women, but you

1437
01:55:10.280 --> 01:55:13.040
mean to tell me you can't find somewhere to be planning?

1438
01:55:13.040 --> 01:55:14.960
Yes, yes.

1439
01:55:14.960 --> 01:55:17.160
So OK, yes, I totally see that.

1440
01:55:17.160 --> 01:55:21.880
OK, and I like that you're approaching it like, hey,

1441
01:55:21.880 --> 01:55:22.800
I can understand that.

1442
01:55:22.800 --> 01:55:24.520
These are some things I did.

1443
01:55:24.520 --> 01:55:32.160
And you are set in this like, if they're not going to church,

1444
01:55:32.160 --> 01:55:34.560
and at least they've expressed like, hey,

1445
01:55:34.560 --> 01:55:37.920
I just haven't found one yet, and they've

1446
01:55:37.920 --> 01:55:41.080
been there for several years.

1447
01:55:41.080 --> 01:55:44.760
You're like, OK, that's not going to work for me.

1448
01:55:44.760 --> 01:55:46.720
This is probably not going to resolve

1449
01:55:46.720 --> 01:55:48.360
in a romantic relationship.

1450
01:55:48.360 --> 01:55:49.720
We're getting to know you.

1451
01:55:49.720 --> 01:55:50.480
Right.

1452
01:55:50.480 --> 01:55:52.440
And you can shut that down, and that's good.

1453
01:55:53.120 --> 01:55:56.000
That's your criteria.

1454
01:55:56.000 --> 01:56:00.400
Now, if a man says, I'm not currently going to church

1455
01:56:00.400 --> 01:56:04.360
right now because God is doing a different work in me right now,

1456
01:56:04.360 --> 01:56:08.000
what would your approach of that be?

1457
01:56:08.000 --> 01:56:09.040
Oh, that is a good one.

1458
01:56:09.040 --> 01:56:11.240
I would love to meet somebody that says, hey, I'm not

1459
01:56:11.240 --> 01:56:14.560
in the church, but I am in a community

1460
01:56:14.560 --> 01:56:15.760
where we're doing outreach.

1461
01:56:15.760 --> 01:56:17.160
We're feeding the poor.

1462
01:56:17.160 --> 01:56:18.240
We're passing out Bibles.

1463
01:56:18.240 --> 01:56:20.080
It's not like I don't have a set community.

1464
01:56:20.080 --> 01:56:21.680
That happened to me.

1465
01:56:21.680 --> 01:56:25.320
God told me when I got in this community,

1466
01:56:25.320 --> 01:56:27.480
I was put in my church.

1467
01:56:27.480 --> 01:56:29.640
And this community, like last year's single,

1468
01:56:29.640 --> 01:56:33.240
kind of became my, I mean, I was going to all of our live calls.

1469
01:56:33.240 --> 01:56:34.400
I was doing the prayer calls.

1470
01:56:34.400 --> 01:56:35.360
I was doing that.

1471
01:56:35.360 --> 01:56:37.800
And he shifted me out of my church.

1472
01:56:37.800 --> 01:56:41.600
And there was a season I wasn't going to church on Sundays.

1473
01:56:41.600 --> 01:56:45.520
And so I'm asking that out of curiosity

1474
01:56:45.520 --> 01:56:49.480
because I want to make sure that you ladies aren't just shutting

1475
01:56:49.480 --> 01:56:52.720
men down just because they don't go to church.

1476
01:56:52.720 --> 01:56:54.480
But they may not be going to church

1477
01:56:54.480 --> 01:56:58.120
because this may not be the season that God has them in.

1478
01:56:58.120 --> 01:57:00.520
God may have them doing something else.

1479
01:57:00.520 --> 01:57:03.440
Doesn't mean that they're not ever going to attend.

1480
01:57:03.440 --> 01:57:06.560
It's just God has them in a transition.

1481
01:57:06.560 --> 01:57:11.440
And so that's what I'm going to sit here and ask those questions

1482
01:57:11.440 --> 01:57:13.840
because I want to make sure that that's where you ladies are

1483
01:57:13.840 --> 01:57:15.560
approaching it, OK?

1484
01:57:15.560 --> 01:57:16.440
So that's good.

1485
01:57:16.440 --> 01:57:17.360
I'm glad to hear that.

1486
01:57:17.360 --> 01:57:19.160
That gives me relief.

1487
01:57:19.160 --> 01:57:20.480
Thanks for digging deep, though.

1488
01:57:20.480 --> 01:57:21.440
Thanks for digging deep.

1489
01:57:21.440 --> 01:57:22.440
Yeah.

1490
01:57:22.440 --> 01:57:26.000
They definitely have to be a part of the community.

1491
01:57:26.000 --> 01:57:29.120
Can I challenge you?

1492
01:57:29.120 --> 01:57:32.440
Sure, I'm always up for a good challenge.

1493
01:57:32.440 --> 01:57:34.760
I want you to be paying attention of your heart

1494
01:57:34.760 --> 01:57:38.960
posture, though, of like, and girl, I say this out of love

1495
01:57:38.960 --> 01:57:43.600
because I can get this way, too.

1496
01:57:43.600 --> 01:57:46.880
And it can get very frustrating when, again,

1497
01:57:46.880 --> 01:57:51.840
these men, you have time to go searching for women

1498
01:57:51.840 --> 01:57:53.080
and spend time with that.

1499
01:57:53.080 --> 01:57:56.000
But you can't go spend time with the Lord?

1500
01:57:56.000 --> 01:58:00.320
Like, boy, check yourself.

1501
01:58:00.320 --> 01:58:05.280
But I want you to be sitting with that in your heart

1502
01:58:05.280 --> 01:58:07.120
posture as well.

1503
01:58:07.120 --> 01:58:10.360
I don't want that, like, because I get it.

1504
01:58:10.360 --> 01:58:12.160
Like, sometimes that kind of stuff

1505
01:58:12.160 --> 01:58:14.120
just frustrates me about people.

1506
01:58:14.120 --> 01:58:18.440
But I don't want you to stay in that space

1507
01:58:18.440 --> 01:58:22.160
to where that's the energy that you give off.

1508
01:58:22.160 --> 01:58:23.680
Does that make sense?

1509
01:58:23.680 --> 01:58:25.040
Absolutely, absolutely.

1510
01:58:25.040 --> 01:58:27.320
And I love how you brought up that make sure

1511
01:58:27.320 --> 01:58:29.920
that they are at least in a part of some type of community

1512
01:58:29.920 --> 01:58:31.960
because that's always my follow-up question.

1513
01:58:31.960 --> 01:58:32.440
OK, good.

1514
01:58:32.440 --> 01:58:34.480
Because just because you're not, yeah.

1515
01:58:34.480 --> 01:58:36.280
I just want you to be cautious, especially

1516
01:58:36.280 --> 01:58:37.680
like, you know, here in our community,

1517
01:58:37.680 --> 01:58:39.680
like, when we're sharing with the other women.

1518
01:58:39.840 --> 01:58:46.080
We don't want to approach it like we're attacking men.

1519
01:58:46.080 --> 01:58:47.560
Like, I get it.

1520
01:58:47.560 --> 01:58:49.720
Some of these men just need some help.

1521
01:58:49.720 --> 01:58:54.760
But we don't want to have, like, these men are the enemy.

1522
01:58:54.760 --> 01:58:57.120
They're the negative.

1523
01:58:57.120 --> 01:58:59.560
Like, we're not here to attack men.

1524
01:58:59.560 --> 01:59:00.320
Absolutely not.

1525
01:59:00.320 --> 01:59:01.720
We got to give grace, OK?

1526
01:59:01.720 --> 01:59:06.560
So yeah, some of these men can give some excuses.

1527
01:59:06.560 --> 01:59:09.160
But we just want to make sure that our heart

1528
01:59:09.160 --> 01:59:13.240
posture is like, hey, this is how I would approach it.

1529
01:59:13.240 --> 01:59:16.360
When they do this, this has worked for me.

1530
01:59:16.360 --> 01:59:17.440
OK.

1531
01:59:17.440 --> 01:59:19.800
So I just want to check.

1532
01:59:19.800 --> 01:59:21.480
That's why I'm coming in, just to check

1533
01:59:21.480 --> 01:59:22.880
that that's where you're at.

1534
01:59:22.880 --> 01:59:25.840
So that's where I can believe to hear that you are.

1535
01:59:25.840 --> 01:59:27.320
I appreciate you.

1536
01:59:27.320 --> 01:59:28.240
Of course.

1537
01:59:28.240 --> 01:59:30.280
All right, ladies, I'm definitely well over time.

1538
01:59:30.280 --> 01:59:31.320
So I'm going to take off.

1539
01:59:31.320 --> 01:59:33.680
But thank you so much for coming.

1540
01:59:33.680 --> 01:59:37.520
Jump on tonight at 8 o'clock if you are available to hang

1541
01:59:37.520 --> 01:59:38.920
with Ebony tonight.

1542
01:59:38.960 --> 01:59:41.680
And then I will see you all next week.

1543
01:59:41.680 --> 01:59:44.240
And make sure to be consistent in the app.

1544
01:59:44.240 --> 01:59:47.120
And we're going to be in that this week as well,

1545
01:59:47.120 --> 01:59:49.520
just to be touch and base with you, OK?

1546
01:59:49.520 --> 01:59:50.400
It's good to see you.

1547
01:59:50.400 --> 01:59:51.560
And Leah, it was good to see you, too.

1548
01:59:51.560 --> 01:59:52.800
I wanted to say hi.

1549
01:59:52.800 --> 01:59:53.520
I haven't seen you in a while.

1550
01:59:53.520 --> 01:59:55.120
So it's good to see you as well.

1551
01:59:55.120 --> 01:59:58.440
All right, ladies, have a great rest of your day.