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Okay, so welcome to our coaching session.

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Even though it is technically called online dating, I'm actually going to spend a little

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bit of time talking about regular dating in the wild and answering your dating questions

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or letting you stump me with questions that you get from guys that you don't know how

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to answer.

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Because as you all know, I did online dating since the beginning of Dawn.

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Like nobody is older than me who's been doing online dating longer than me, and nobody hated

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online dating as much as I did.

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And that is how, in fact, I married my husband, because God has a funny sense of humor.

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So Jackie was like, hey, you're going to do this teaching.

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So I'm like, all right.

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And I've been doing the online dating teaching, if you remember from phase two, from the get

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go.

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Again, pick the girl who hates online dating the most to find a successful way to do it.

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And I promise you, y'all, I still would have bet my last dollar I was not going to meet

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my man online.

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I think God is just a funny sense of humor.

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But before we started recording, I was talking about my outfit and what it takes to be camera

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ready.

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I've asked if you are live here tonight to be camera ready.

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And if you want, you're going to raise your hand later, and I'm going to critique what

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I see.

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And so I'm a big fan of having a legitimate background.

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I know a lot of you guys have some woo, woo, woo, like backgrounds.

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And like, I get it.

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For some business meetings, if I'm sitting in bed, I don't want the office to see that

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I'm sitting in bed.

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So I will have a professional thing behind me.

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But I feel like the background things does something funny here.

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Like it just does something funny here.

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So I made sure that if you notice, blue top, blue in my vase.

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There's some red going on here.

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I've got some red earrings and a red necklace going on with some yellow.

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So I'm making sure it all works, and I'm facing the light.

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It gets rid of all the wrinkles.

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So forget the wrinkle cream.

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Just get a light on your face, and it gets rid of all the things.

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So that's what you want to make sure, because a lot of times, people have the light behind

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you, and it just adds like this wonky hue.

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So you want to think like, this is where I've done.

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If you guys have seen any of those videos, like from phase two that were recorded even

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two years ago, this is what you see, this really pretty painting.

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So your background says a lot about your personality.

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So you want to be able to make sure that it's there.

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Okay.

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So just like Bethany did, and just like Jackie did, I'm going to always have some notes at

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the front end.

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And then, so for you to take notes with me, and then if you want, then at the end, you

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guys are going to flood me with questions and all that stuff, and I'm going to flood

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you with some questions.

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But usually what I try to do is see what I'm seeing in the feed, in the VIP feed.

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I'm going, wow, I keep seeing this question over and over again.

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Sometimes it's you're new, and you're welcome to phase three if you're just coming on.

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But some of you ladies have been here like two or three years, and I'm like, are you

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still asking that question?

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So I'm going to always, at the top of the hour, make sure we cover the nitty gritty,

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so we don't make the same mistakes.

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Okay.

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So I have five online quick dating basic notes.

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If you are going to get online, and really number one and number five are the same thing.

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Number one, you cannot take it too seriously unless you get past date number four.

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I mean like a legitimate date, whether it's a video date or in-person date, he is not

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not picking you, she is not not picking you.

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They don't know you.

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They are just getting to know you.

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So I don't want you crying, analyzing, and getting upset about anybody in that beginning

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discovery phase.

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You are getting to know complete strangers.

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That's it.

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Think about it.

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When we were in school and at a job or at a community group, when we used to meet people

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in real life, we used to see them for weeks and months at the gym, at the office, at school,

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and we had time to observe them.

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When there were plenty of people, we immediately went, no, right?

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That's all that's happening in this beginning phase, is you're just filtering out a lot

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of people and they're filtering out you, and if they don't swipe on you because they don't

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like your weight or your height, let them go.

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Like so you can't get online if you're going to take every person that matches or doesn't

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match with you personal, or they match with you, you match with them, and then they don't

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message you.

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Or you message them and they don't message you back.

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You have to be able to just let it go.

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Just sing Elsa and let it go.

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The number two thing is, remember, online is just a tool to get to a live date.

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It's kind of like, some of you are too young to know this, but a lot of companies dot bombed.

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In the dot bomb, we all know what the dot bomb happened with the World Wide Web, is

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when people.

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try to create a product just for the web.

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Like, they didn't realize that the web was just,

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the internet was just a vehicle to,

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another vehicle to sell their product.

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If it wasn't a good product, it didn't last, it bombed.

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And so, it's just a vehicle.

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So, an online dating app is just a vehicle

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to increase your chances.

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Okay, this might be the pizza place

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telling me the pizza is ready.

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Hold on.

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No, it is not.

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Oh, 8844, 88, I guess he's downstairs.

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My husband's just been away for four days

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on a business trip.

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And he's like, so would you make me for dinner?

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And I'm like, how about we order pizza?

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Because I'm like, I had an online dating class

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to get ready for.

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Okay, I think she ran into him.

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Okay, anyway, so number two,

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I really want you to kind of think about that.

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The online tool, it's just a tool.

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So, if you are using online dating to keep texting

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and never meet somebody, you are wasting your time.

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So, it is just a tool to as quickly as possible

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secure a live video and a live date.

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If you are just chit-chatting and it's three weeks,

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three months later, and y'all are still texting, stop it.

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We don't have time for that.

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It's just a tool.

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Number three, you are going to pick just one

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or two to use at any one time.

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I never did more than two at one time.

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And in most recent months, I was,

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let me just mute somebody, okay.

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In most recent months, I was just using,

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before I met Brian, I was just down to one.

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I was lazy.

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I was just using Facebook dating.

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It was free.

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It was easy to use.

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I just went with that.

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Bumble, Hinge, you know, Upward, Holly,

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whichever one you're using.

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And I would also say, give it three months.

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So, pick one or two, give it three months.

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Ah, I know, I'm getting used to saying my husband.

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It's freaking me out.

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Although I still say people, I introduce myself,

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and I still say, oh, Renee Rizzo.

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Forget, yay, good stuff, babe, thank you.

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Okay, four, swipe on the maybes.

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That's the whole point of this, you guys.

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Swipe on the maybes.

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If you're like, eh, you know, you didn't quite like

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the photo, but you liked the bio,

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or you liked something about it,

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and you're like, I'm not sure, give it a shot.

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Just give it a shot.

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And then number five, you're getting to know strangers,

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it's all discovery.

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So, it's back to don't take it personal.

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So, number one, don't take it personal.

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Two, online is just a tool to get a live date.

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Three, pick one or two sites, stick with it

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for three months.

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Four, swipe on the maybes.

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Five, you're getting to know strangers,

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it's discovery, don't take it personal.

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Okay, so here are some specific questions and issues

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I've seen you guys ask on the phase three Facebook page

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that I want to make sure I go over.

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Okay, oh, I have been trying to find a girl in community

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for my husband's best man.

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Good looking man, he owns 14 Papa John's,

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he lives in Lexington, Virginia, he's what, 61?

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But because of his location and all the companies he owns,

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he can't leave.

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So, anyway, some of you have come to my mind

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and I try to go to your Facebook page

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to either look at your profile photo,

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your photos in your featured or your cover photo

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and you've got bupkis for me, bupkis.

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Your profile photo, not current.

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Your cover photo, not current.

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Your favorites, like, did you guys know?

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And so, you have to think, what is someone gonna see

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on my social media page if they're not a friend of mine?

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So, you have to think about what are they gonna see

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that's public?

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So, like, obviously, if you look at your profile,

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you have a section called favorites,

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where you, or it's called featured.

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You can do a featured, like, I have, like,

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eight featured photos and that's, like, public.

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So, you wanna make sure if Renee or Jackie or Bethany

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or Cheryl or some other sister in here

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is trying to set you up with a dude

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or vice versa with a girl, we need to be able

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to get to some of your hot photos pretty fast.

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Please do not make it hard for us.

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Does that make sense?

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So, find a way, have your friend look at your profile

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and see what somebody sees when it's public

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and they're not your friend.

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And if they can't get to your photos fast

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and it's, like, I was, like, struggling.

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So, I'm, like, oh my gosh, I know she's really cute.

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I gotta find a hot photo of her.

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So, make sure you got some cute photos of you.

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That's the first thing.

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So, if you're gonna do online dating,

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you're gonna allow your sisters and brothers here

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to do community-based matchmaking.

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Your social media has to have good shots of you.

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Full body, dressy photos, casual photos, fun photos.

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Okay.

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The second thing that I know,

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I know I feel like I'm vomiting on you

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so I might need.

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I don't know why I have so much energy.

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I've been taking notes on this for like the last three weeks.

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It's why I feel very passionately about it.

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You think I wouldn't care about single people married, but like I actually care more now

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because it's driving me bonkers.

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Okay.

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A lot of you say, I only attract the scammers online.

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So there are two things causing that, two things causing that.

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If you are only attracting scammers, one, I'd like to, I'd like for you to put your

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photos and your bio in the Facebook page for us to look at it.

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You're either looking a little too hoochie or you're looking a little too needy.

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Something in there might be drawing the attention of the wrong dude or the wrong girl.

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They're either seeing somebody that they think is looking for just a main squeeze, a little

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fun fun on the side, or something in your photo screams inexperienced or your bio and

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easily duped.

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So if that is you, I want you to put your photos and your bio in the Facebook page and

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let your coaches help critique it to see if you are in fact attracting.

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The other way that you're getting a lot of scammers is you are accepting and liking photos

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and profiles of people that are impossible.

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Like they're gorgeous and their home is a mansion and the photos, like they're just

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too good to be true.

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Like you're like, oh my gosh, what do you, like you guys, I think I clean up good.

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Like I'm not hot, but I clean up good.

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So I try to match with men that were like in my tier, that were like, like me.

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They weren't super hot.

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They weren't super fit.

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They like, you know, sorry, babe.

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So you want to make sure that if you think this is the bandwidth of your hotness and

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your caliber, then that's about the bandwidth that you're going to accept.

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So you want to make sure you are liking profiles that look real, if that makes sense.

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So those are the two main ways that you're going to be attracting it.

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And now I got plenty of scammers, so don't think that I didn't either.

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But if you're saying you're only getting scammers, then I would say, let's see what you're putting

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out there.

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Let's see what you're trying to reel and let's see what you're liking.

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Let us help you start to like more appropriate photos.

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I feel like that's like the first thing it needs to do.

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Okay.

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And I need to say this to people, this next thing, who are probably over the age of 40.

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And I say this because I've walked about four of you and some of my closest friends through

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this in the last three months.

250
00:13:02.160 --> 00:13:07.200
Some of you are staying in relationships that have turned into situationships.

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They were on the fence at the front end, whether they were marriage minded.

252
00:13:11.320 --> 00:13:16.960
And you've been in it and you've cried with me and you're like, I just can't imagine starting

253
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over again to date somebody new.

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So if you're here, I'm saying this because I love you and I'm saying it because you're

255
00:13:25.800 --> 00:13:27.840
not the only one that's doing this.

256
00:13:27.840 --> 00:13:31.000
So I'm not pointing you out, nobody's going to be like, oh my gosh, they're going to know

257
00:13:31.000 --> 00:13:32.280
she's talking about me.

258
00:13:32.280 --> 00:13:34.920
No, because it's happening to more than one of you.

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And actually Jackie posted about this on her Instagram page somewhere in the last week

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or two, where she specifically talked about this, that we're seeing a growing number of

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women in our community and possibly men who are staying in relationships.

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And the only reason why you're telling me you're still there is because the thought

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of starting over again is too overwhelming.

264
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Does that resonate with y'all?

265
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You know, right?

266
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We've all been there where we're like, it's good enough.

267
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It's good.

268
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And here's the thing, you guys, if somebody is giving you 65% of themselves, I get it.

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65% sounds a whole lot better than nothing, doesn't it?

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But I promise you the 35% they're not giving you is causing you so much grief and it is

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not what God's best is for you.

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Am I perfect?

273
00:14:25.840 --> 00:14:26.840
No.

274
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Is Brian perfect?

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00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:28.840
No.

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00:14:28.840 --> 00:14:35.200
And there's not one part of me that feels like I compromised my morals, my values, my

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integrity.

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Did I have to compromise on some of the stupid stuff?

279
00:14:39.160 --> 00:14:43.920
Probably, but I didn't have to compromise on anything that mattered.

280
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And so my cup and we both feel like our cup is overflowing.

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You all deserve that.

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I don't care whether you're 29 or 79, you all deserve God's abundance.

283
00:14:53.760 --> 00:14:55.480
And how many of you are divorced?

284
00:14:55.480 --> 00:14:57.480
You know, marriage is hard, right?

285
00:14:57.480 --> 00:14:58.480
You know, marriage is hard.

286
00:14:58.480 --> 00:15:00.000
So you don't want to accept...

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00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:02.640
less than God's very, very best for you.

288
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Okay, so right from the get-go,

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you wanna make sure you pick people

290
00:15:08.760 --> 00:15:11.440
who are marriage-minded, they're mature,

291
00:15:11.440 --> 00:15:14.280
and they're operating, and they're masculine and feminine.

292
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If they are weary about those three things

293
00:15:17.280 --> 00:15:20.300
from the get-go, you are not setting yourself up

294
00:15:20.300 --> 00:15:22.600
for success, and I've got some really good questions

295
00:15:22.600 --> 00:15:23.880
I'm gonna go through at the end

296
00:15:23.880 --> 00:15:25.960
that you are gonna learn right away.

297
00:15:25.960 --> 00:15:28.080
So when someone is like everything,

298
00:15:28.160 --> 00:15:30.680
but they say to, oh my gosh, I just got out of a divorce,

299
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I've been married for 30 years,

300
00:15:31.840 --> 00:15:33.900
I can't ever imagine getting remarried,

301
00:15:33.900 --> 00:15:35.800
that is not the time to be dating them.

302
00:15:35.800 --> 00:15:37.020
They might change their mind,

303
00:15:37.020 --> 00:15:39.160
but you don't wanna be the practice guy or girl.

304
00:15:39.160 --> 00:15:41.720
You do not wanna be the practice person.

305
00:15:41.720 --> 00:15:44.160
You wanna get somebody who actually wants

306
00:15:44.160 --> 00:15:45.900
the same thing that you want.

307
00:15:47.440 --> 00:15:49.000
The other thing, somebody did ask,

308
00:15:49.000 --> 00:15:51.340
and I heard just different questions,

309
00:15:51.340 --> 00:15:55.200
like what's appropriate in your first live date

310
00:15:55.200 --> 00:15:56.040
with somebody?

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00:15:56.040 --> 00:15:57.920
Is it appropriate to hug them or not hug them?

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00:15:58.760 --> 00:16:00.280
Do you do the frontal hug where they can feel your boobs,

313
00:16:00.280 --> 00:16:02.840
the side hug that you give at the church?

314
00:16:02.840 --> 00:16:05.880
I will say this, you do what feels comfortable for you.

315
00:16:05.880 --> 00:16:08.800
We are all different, we all feel differently about hugs.

316
00:16:08.800 --> 00:16:11.680
But one person did say something that kinda triggered me.

317
00:16:11.680 --> 00:16:14.300
Somebody said, I'm a hugger.

318
00:16:14.300 --> 00:16:18.360
Y'all, some of us have been through child sexual trauma.

319
00:16:18.360 --> 00:16:20.280
Some of us have been through sexual assault,

320
00:16:20.280 --> 00:16:22.000
a lot more people than you realize.

321
00:16:22.000 --> 00:16:24.520
So when someone says I'm a hugger,

322
00:16:24.520 --> 00:16:27.760
you're not taking into account how the opposite person

323
00:16:28.600 --> 00:16:30.040
might feel with a hug from a stranger,

324
00:16:30.040 --> 00:16:32.240
because that's who you are on the first date.

325
00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:34.840
You are still a stranger that they're getting to know.

326
00:16:34.840 --> 00:16:38.880
And so you guys, I actually am, I'm Italian.

327
00:16:38.880 --> 00:16:41.520
I touch my, I mean, I hug and touch my family

328
00:16:41.520 --> 00:16:44.960
and my cousins, probably inappropriately, I'm sure.

329
00:16:44.960 --> 00:16:47.120
Physical touch is my love language,

330
00:16:47.120 --> 00:16:49.480
and I still don't like hugging strangers.

331
00:16:49.480 --> 00:16:51.680
I just don't, it makes me uncomfortable.

332
00:16:51.680 --> 00:16:54.640
And I've been known to do this or this

333
00:16:54.640 --> 00:16:56.640
when someone goes, oh my gosh, I'm a hugger.

334
00:16:57.160 --> 00:17:00.440
And I say that with women, especially, y'all, I'm 4'11.

335
00:17:00.440 --> 00:17:02.160
So if there's a larger woman

336
00:17:02.160 --> 00:17:04.400
and she's got like a full set of boobs,

337
00:17:04.400 --> 00:17:06.240
her boobs are like smack in my face.

338
00:17:06.240 --> 00:17:09.319
It's not what I need in the very first conversation.

339
00:17:09.319 --> 00:17:11.560
And I've got a big bosom, so I get it.

340
00:17:11.560 --> 00:17:14.400
I'm just short, so I'm gonna hit that at your waist.

341
00:17:14.400 --> 00:17:16.319
I'm not gonna hit that at your face.

342
00:17:16.319 --> 00:17:18.040
And so, oh, I almost rhymed there.

343
00:17:18.040 --> 00:17:22.440
And so I would say, do what's safe for you,

344
00:17:22.440 --> 00:17:25.640
but also be considerate of the person next to you

345
00:17:25.640 --> 00:17:26.480
that you're meeting.

346
00:17:27.280 --> 00:17:29.760
You don't know how they feel about that.

347
00:17:29.760 --> 00:17:31.800
Okay, I'm almost done,

348
00:17:31.800 --> 00:17:35.000
and then I'm gonna be ready for your questions.

349
00:17:35.000 --> 00:17:39.640
Okay, confusion is from an unhealed or unavailable person.

350
00:17:39.640 --> 00:17:44.640
If you are trying to decipher text messages and phone calls,

351
00:17:44.680 --> 00:17:46.640
and you're figuring out where you stand

352
00:17:46.640 --> 00:17:50.320
with this guy or girl, it is not from God.

353
00:17:50.320 --> 00:17:52.520
God is not the God of confusion.

354
00:17:52.520 --> 00:17:55.880
You should not have to decipher what the code means

355
00:17:55.880 --> 00:17:57.600
by a text message.

356
00:17:57.600 --> 00:17:59.560
If you are getting mixed messages,

357
00:17:59.560 --> 00:18:01.200
you're probably dealing with somebody

358
00:18:01.200 --> 00:18:05.400
who's either unavailable, not ready, or unhealed.

359
00:18:05.400 --> 00:18:08.920
And you wanna be dating somebody who is healed,

360
00:18:08.920 --> 00:18:10.080
who is ready.

361
00:18:10.080 --> 00:18:12.040
Now, are they perfectly healed?

362
00:18:12.040 --> 00:18:13.720
No, because there are some things

363
00:18:13.720 --> 00:18:16.620
that Brian and I are still getting healing from together,

364
00:18:16.620 --> 00:18:21.620
but there was literally not one time in dating Brian

365
00:18:21.760 --> 00:18:23.600
that I was confused.

366
00:18:23.600 --> 00:18:26.060
Not one time, not one time.

367
00:18:26.060 --> 00:18:29.960
Now, did I also feel like some of this crazy high

368
00:18:29.960 --> 00:18:32.840
serotonin sparks with Brian that I have in the past?

369
00:18:32.840 --> 00:18:37.640
No, I mean, I would say I had higher sparks with the crazies.

370
00:18:37.640 --> 00:18:39.400
You guys, the higher the sparks,

371
00:18:39.400 --> 00:18:41.400
the crazier he ended up being.

372
00:18:41.400 --> 00:18:43.800
So I learned that what Jackie was talking about,

373
00:18:43.800 --> 00:18:46.600
like that whole thing we think is chemistry,

374
00:18:46.600 --> 00:18:47.960
it may not be chemistry.

375
00:18:47.960 --> 00:18:51.120
It might be your unhealthy hormones

376
00:18:51.120 --> 00:18:53.080
kind of attracting their unhealthy hormones.

377
00:18:53.520 --> 00:18:56.280
So I learned to like, look for the fruit,

378
00:18:56.280 --> 00:18:59.400
look for peace, look for clarity.

379
00:18:59.400 --> 00:19:00.480
I was joking around with somebody,

380
00:19:00.480 --> 00:19:02.400
I'm like, safe is the new sexy.

381
00:19:02.400 --> 00:19:06.120
Like, there is something so sexy and amazing

382
00:19:06.120 --> 00:19:07.880
about being completely comfortable.

383
00:19:07.880 --> 00:19:10.000
It is why, when Jackie kept saying,

384
00:19:10.000 --> 00:19:12.080
you wanna marry your best friend, you wanna marry,

385
00:19:12.080 --> 00:19:12.920
I'm like, really?

386
00:19:12.920 --> 00:19:14.440
Because I wanna have sex with my person.

387
00:19:14.440 --> 00:19:15.800
So like, I don't know if I wanna have sex

388
00:19:15.800 --> 00:19:16.880
with my best friend.

389
00:19:16.880 --> 00:19:17.760
You really do.

390
00:19:17.760 --> 00:19:20.080
You really wanna go after your best friend.

391
00:19:20.080 --> 00:19:23.920
Okay, so that's kind of my summary of notes.

392
00:19:25.120 --> 00:19:26.640
Some good questions.

393
00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:29.920
So a lot of you go, is he or she a Christian?

394
00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:31.400
Is he or she a Christian?

395
00:19:31.400 --> 00:19:32.480
And you wanna ask that

396
00:19:32.480 --> 00:19:34.760
without asking for their church resume, right?

397
00:19:34.760 --> 00:19:37.200
Because we all know there are plenty of men and women

398
00:19:37.200 --> 00:19:39.800
in the church who are on staff, who are elders,

399
00:19:39.800 --> 00:19:42.360
who are in a Bible study, who can quote scripture,

400
00:19:42.360 --> 00:19:44.480
who are not godly or healthy people, right?

401
00:19:44.480 --> 00:19:48.720
So we're not looking for the pedigree and church resume.

402
00:19:48.720 --> 00:19:50.800
I used to tell you guys to say,

403
00:19:50.800 --> 00:19:53.440
ask this wonderful question, which I thought was wonderful.

404
00:19:53.440 --> 00:19:55.720
It was, how does faith show up for you?

405
00:19:55.720 --> 00:19:57.760
How does faith show up in your everyday life?

406
00:19:57.760 --> 00:19:59.960
I apparently traumatized my husband twice.

407
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.960
because I did not like his answer the first time,

408
00:20:01.960 --> 00:20:05.760
so I evidently, three days later, asked the question again,

409
00:20:05.760 --> 00:20:07.440
and he didn't know what to do with that.

410
00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:09.160
So I've learned that maybe that question's

411
00:20:09.160 --> 00:20:10.400
a little too deep.

412
00:20:10.400 --> 00:20:14.300
So here are good ways to find out about someone's faith.

413
00:20:14.300 --> 00:20:18.640
You say, what do you do that takes up your time

414
00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:20.940
in any given week that matters to you?

415
00:20:22.080 --> 00:20:24.760
What do you do that takes up time

416
00:20:24.760 --> 00:20:27.120
in any given week that matters to you?

417
00:20:27.120 --> 00:20:28.820
And if they're like, I don't know,

418
00:20:28.860 --> 00:20:30.860
then I would say, well, let me go first.

419
00:20:30.860 --> 00:20:33.420
So if someone says to you, I don't know,

420
00:20:33.420 --> 00:20:35.500
you go, let me go first.

421
00:20:35.500 --> 00:20:37.440
So you kinda lead with it.

422
00:20:37.440 --> 00:20:39.080
So here are things that are important to me,

423
00:20:39.080 --> 00:20:41.440
obviously, besides my ministry job,

424
00:20:41.440 --> 00:20:44.180
I'm very involved with my women's ministry at church,

425
00:20:44.180 --> 00:20:47.420
I'm on the prayer team, I go to the gym regularly,

426
00:20:47.420 --> 00:20:50.180
and I eat healthy, in fact, I count my macros,

427
00:20:51.340 --> 00:20:53.240
and I love taking my dog to the park.

428
00:20:53.240 --> 00:20:56.820
So I make sure I say a bunch of things that matter to me,

429
00:20:56.820 --> 00:20:59.620
and not just my faith thing, but my faith thing is in there.

430
00:20:59.620 --> 00:21:01.260
And so then I see what they say,

431
00:21:01.260 --> 00:21:02.940
then I would see what they would say.

432
00:21:02.940 --> 00:21:04.560
The other way that you can find out

433
00:21:04.560 --> 00:21:07.780
if faith is a part of their everyday life is you can say,

434
00:21:07.780 --> 00:21:09.220
well, I'm sure you and I have been

435
00:21:09.220 --> 00:21:10.500
through really hard seasons.

436
00:21:10.500 --> 00:21:12.140
Without getting into the details

437
00:21:12.140 --> 00:21:14.620
of what we would call a hard season,

438
00:21:14.620 --> 00:21:18.580
what do you lean on when you're going through a tough time?

439
00:21:18.580 --> 00:21:20.380
And if they go, well, gosh, I don't know,

440
00:21:20.380 --> 00:21:21.780
I would say something like,

441
00:21:21.780 --> 00:21:25.140
well, I lean on my close friends, I lean on prayer,

442
00:21:25.140 --> 00:21:30.140
I lean on meditation, I lean on exercise,

443
00:21:30.140 --> 00:21:33.540
like I would list all of the things I lean on,

444
00:21:33.540 --> 00:21:36.100
and my faith would be part of that answer.

445
00:21:36.100 --> 00:21:38.780
And so you say, now, how about you?

446
00:21:38.780 --> 00:21:41.260
So if in those two answers,

447
00:21:41.260 --> 00:21:45.380
you don't hear anything about your faith, that's a clue.

448
00:21:45.380 --> 00:21:48.980
Now, it's not a definitive, but it's a clue to pay attention.

449
00:21:48.980 --> 00:21:51.980
Now, if I ask those questions on a live video,

450
00:21:51.980 --> 00:21:53.980
I would not text those two questions.

451
00:21:53.980 --> 00:21:56.460
Those are not texty questions.

452
00:21:56.460 --> 00:21:57.820
I will reverse back and tell you

453
00:21:57.820 --> 00:21:59.660
what are appropriate texting questions.

454
00:21:59.660 --> 00:22:02.540
But that is a question I would ask on a video call.

455
00:22:02.540 --> 00:22:05.220
That is a question I would ask on a first date.

456
00:22:05.220 --> 00:22:08.100
And if I still don't get a faith question,

457
00:22:08.100 --> 00:22:11.420
at some point, when I start talking about my faith,

458
00:22:11.420 --> 00:22:13.300
I might say something like this.

459
00:22:13.300 --> 00:22:16.020
I might say, well, hey, you know what I have noticed?

460
00:22:16.020 --> 00:22:19.220
I've mentioned a few times where faith shows up in my life.

461
00:22:19.220 --> 00:22:22.100
And as you can tell, it's a part of my everyday life,

462
00:22:22.100 --> 00:22:25.060
just like exercise is, just like my job is,

463
00:22:25.060 --> 00:22:27.900
and just like spending time with my friends is.

464
00:22:27.900 --> 00:22:30.020
You didn't mention it, would you be willing

465
00:22:30.020 --> 00:22:32.300
to share a little bit more about where faith is

466
00:22:32.300 --> 00:22:33.580
in your daily life?

467
00:22:33.580 --> 00:22:35.420
Is it in there at all?

468
00:22:35.420 --> 00:22:38.800
And then that's not, so that's a bit more direct.

469
00:22:38.800 --> 00:22:41.620
And so at that point, you've tried to lead into it,

470
00:22:41.620 --> 00:22:42.620
and then you lead into it.

471
00:22:42.620 --> 00:22:44.820
Because then that point, they might go,

472
00:22:44.820 --> 00:22:46.100
oh, well, gosh, you're right.

473
00:22:46.100 --> 00:22:47.180
I guess I didn't mention it,

474
00:22:47.180 --> 00:22:48.860
but it's a really big part of my life.

475
00:22:48.860 --> 00:22:52.060
I pray every day, I do a Bible app every day.

476
00:22:52.900 --> 00:22:54.300
I've been watching church online, or I go to church,

477
00:22:54.300 --> 00:22:56.420
or I haven't really found my church home yet.

478
00:22:56.420 --> 00:22:59.940
Like you might start to get some information about that.

479
00:23:01.980 --> 00:23:03.620
Let's see.

480
00:23:03.620 --> 00:23:07.140
And then I might ask a question is,

481
00:23:07.140 --> 00:23:10.020
what do you wish you had more time for?

482
00:23:10.020 --> 00:23:12.340
What do you wish you had more time for?

483
00:23:12.340 --> 00:23:15.140
And then how marriage ready somebody is,

484
00:23:15.140 --> 00:23:18.660
the question I ask usually, the question I used to ask was,

485
00:23:18.660 --> 00:23:21.140
where are you at in your dating season?

486
00:23:21.140 --> 00:23:23.380
Where are you at in your dating season?

487
00:23:23.380 --> 00:23:24.860
Are you just getting out there?

488
00:23:24.860 --> 00:23:26.420
Are you just trying to find friends?

489
00:23:26.420 --> 00:23:28.500
Or actually, are you looking for somebody?

490
00:23:28.500 --> 00:23:30.660
But where are you in your dating season?

491
00:23:30.660 --> 00:23:33.700
That kind of lets you know a little bit about

492
00:23:34.740 --> 00:23:37.620
where people are in their story.

493
00:23:37.620 --> 00:23:40.220
And if they just say, so that's a good time

494
00:23:40.220 --> 00:23:44.060
that they might say, I'm just getting started.

495
00:23:44.060 --> 00:23:45.580
I just got divorced.

496
00:23:45.580 --> 00:23:47.780
Now, I don't know about y'all, but I'm 57.

497
00:23:47.780 --> 00:23:50.660
Brian and I, I know where I was last year

498
00:23:51.180 --> 00:23:54.260
when I got back online after my last breakup.

499
00:23:54.260 --> 00:23:57.300
If a guy said to me, I just got divorced.

500
00:23:57.300 --> 00:23:59.620
I don't know, I'm just getting back out there.

501
00:23:59.620 --> 00:24:02.620
That is not a dating position I wanted to get involved with.

502
00:24:02.620 --> 00:24:03.820
That wasn't good for me,

503
00:24:03.820 --> 00:24:05.700
because I knew he was gonna be going through

504
00:24:05.700 --> 00:24:07.620
a lot of figuring it out.

505
00:24:07.620 --> 00:24:09.340
And I didn't want to be practicing there.

506
00:24:09.340 --> 00:24:10.540
That's just where I am.

507
00:24:10.540 --> 00:24:12.300
Now, for some of you who are like, Renee,

508
00:24:12.300 --> 00:24:13.820
I haven't had a date in seven years.

509
00:24:13.820 --> 00:24:15.420
I don't want to be that picky.

510
00:24:15.420 --> 00:24:17.620
Then I would say, keep talking to that person.

511
00:24:17.620 --> 00:24:20.940
Just know that that might be a practice date person.

512
00:24:20.940 --> 00:24:23.460
It might not be somebody ready to settle down.

513
00:24:23.460 --> 00:24:26.420
But really pay attention to somebody's readiness

514
00:24:26.420 --> 00:24:28.500
and what they say up front.

515
00:24:29.340 --> 00:24:30.860
Super, super important.

516
00:24:30.860 --> 00:24:32.340
Okay, I'm gonna shut up,

517
00:24:32.340 --> 00:24:35.740
because I also have a list of a lot of in-person ways

518
00:24:35.740 --> 00:24:37.340
for you to meet people.

519
00:24:37.340 --> 00:24:39.820
But I do want to stay in this vein

520
00:24:39.820 --> 00:24:41.820
of online dating right now.

521
00:24:41.820 --> 00:24:45.620
So let me backtrack, because I forgot to.

522
00:24:45.620 --> 00:24:47.940
Let me backtrack and tell you

523
00:24:47.940 --> 00:24:50.100
what's appropriate texting information.

524
00:24:50.100 --> 00:24:51.980
So when you're online,

525
00:24:51.980 --> 00:24:54.700
think about what you wouldn't mind in the New York Times,

526
00:24:54.700 --> 00:24:56.780
the top page of the New York Times.

527
00:24:56.780 --> 00:24:59.860
Think about any content you wouldn't care if.

528
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.880
Anybody knew it about it. I call it the resume information. You know,

529
00:25:03.900 --> 00:25:08.080
I am Italian. I am the third of four children. Um,

530
00:25:08.160 --> 00:25:12.240
I have a finance degree. I'm back in seminary. Um,

531
00:25:12.280 --> 00:25:14.840
I used to work for a for-profit healthcare company.

532
00:25:14.840 --> 00:25:18.200
Then I was in church ministry and then I ran a nonprofit. Um,

533
00:25:18.220 --> 00:25:22.280
I used to coach cheerleading. Um, I'm a fitness instructor.

534
00:25:22.320 --> 00:25:27.040
I love all foods. I'm a great cook. Um, I really love to read.

535
00:25:27.120 --> 00:25:31.560
I love going to the beach. I prefer sun, not winter. Um,

536
00:25:31.560 --> 00:25:35.920
my favorite class when I was growing up, you know, we're math classes,

537
00:25:35.920 --> 00:25:38.640
which is ironic because I did terrible in the engineering school.

538
00:25:38.640 --> 00:25:41.720
And I ended up finding out that I'm a really great writer and communicator,

539
00:25:41.760 --> 00:25:44.520
which I did terrible on the English SATs.

540
00:25:44.520 --> 00:25:48.320
Like you see how I'm like giving you lots of information about me,

541
00:25:48.520 --> 00:25:53.360
but this is like, and Brian would tell you every time he asked me something hard

542
00:25:53.360 --> 00:25:56.560
or personal, I would say, that's a great question.

543
00:25:56.600 --> 00:26:00.840
I would rather answer that when we can see each other and we can hear tone and

544
00:26:00.840 --> 00:26:05.000
inflection when we can see each other here, tone and inflection.

545
00:26:06.000 --> 00:26:09.760
I don't say, well, we can have a video date so I can see if you're a scammer.

546
00:26:09.840 --> 00:26:13.120
I never said that. No, I would say, you know,

547
00:26:13.120 --> 00:26:17.000
90% of communication is body language, tone and inflection.

548
00:26:17.200 --> 00:26:19.120
That's a great question. Just not for text.

549
00:26:19.280 --> 00:26:24.520
So I would set the tone right away. What is appropriate texting conversation,

550
00:26:24.680 --> 00:26:26.440
which means to this day,

551
00:26:26.440 --> 00:26:30.800
Brian and I have never had a conversation by text that is

552
00:26:30.960 --> 00:26:34.600
deep and like personal, like, what do you mean? What do you mean by that?

553
00:26:34.600 --> 00:26:36.320
Well, Renee didn't like what you said last night.

554
00:26:36.520 --> 00:26:40.000
We have always done those because we FaceTimed right from the get go.

555
00:26:40.200 --> 00:26:43.800
So we hardly even talk on the phone like 99% of the time.

556
00:26:43.800 --> 00:26:47.400
If we're talking digitally, it's on FaceTime.

557
00:26:47.400 --> 00:26:50.520
The only time we're not doing that is if one of us is driving.

558
00:26:50.840 --> 00:26:52.080
And even then, you guys,

559
00:26:52.080 --> 00:26:56.120
we Marco a lot because we've gotten so used to liking to see each other's face

560
00:26:56.120 --> 00:27:00.280
when we talk that we either Marco or FaceTime even more than we just talk on the

561
00:27:00.280 --> 00:27:03.840
phone. So you really want to make sure now some of you are younger, like,

562
00:27:03.840 --> 00:27:05.320
but I like texting Renee.

563
00:27:05.560 --> 00:27:09.200
I promise you your spouse is going to be standing next to you like for your

564
00:27:09.200 --> 00:27:12.120
marriage. You don't want to be texting your spouse.

565
00:27:12.440 --> 00:27:14.160
Like they're going to be right there.

566
00:27:14.520 --> 00:27:19.200
So don't develop a texting habit with somebody that you're going to be looking

567
00:27:19.960 --> 00:27:23.000
at or else you're never going to be able to have the hard conversations when it

568
00:27:23.000 --> 00:27:27.400
really gets hard. So texting is facts only. It's not feelings.

569
00:27:27.400 --> 00:27:28.480
It's facts, not feelings.

570
00:27:29.160 --> 00:27:34.000
And so when you start talking about faith and feelings and future faith,

571
00:27:34.000 --> 00:27:38.880
feelings, and future are for a live conversation texting, you're just trying to,

572
00:27:38.880 --> 00:27:40.320
I kind of look at it like this.

573
00:27:41.440 --> 00:27:43.920
You know how you have your resume and a cover letter.

574
00:27:44.240 --> 00:27:47.480
Do you want to know what is the goal of the cover letter and resume?

575
00:27:47.480 --> 00:27:50.680
Somebody come off mute and tell me what is the goal of the cover letter and

576
00:27:50.680 --> 00:27:51.520
resume?

577
00:27:52.080 --> 00:27:53.280
To get the interview.

578
00:27:53.640 --> 00:27:57.840
Yes, that's it. It is not to get the job. It is just to get the interview.

579
00:27:58.080 --> 00:28:02.680
Do you want to know what your job is? When you first start texting somebody,

580
00:28:02.840 --> 00:28:07.280
you just want to get that video call. You just want to get that first date.

581
00:28:07.520 --> 00:28:10.320
Now let me ask you another question and be bold.

582
00:28:10.520 --> 00:28:15.000
What is your goal of the first date? What's your goal of the first date?

583
00:28:15.280 --> 00:28:18.600
It's the same as your first interview. What's your goal of the first interview?

584
00:28:18.920 --> 00:28:22.480
Not to get the job, right? The goal of the first interview is

585
00:28:25.720 --> 00:28:29.240
probably get the next interview, right? How many people get a job offer?

586
00:28:29.240 --> 00:28:30.840
If you're going after a pretty big job,

587
00:28:31.000 --> 00:28:33.440
you're probably going to have two or three interviews, right?

588
00:28:33.480 --> 00:28:34.720
Before you get a job offer.

589
00:28:34.920 --> 00:28:38.400
So you're not asking what the salary is in the first position of the first

590
00:28:38.400 --> 00:28:40.880
interview you are. And in fact,

591
00:28:41.080 --> 00:28:44.200
which should you be doing on your first interview at a job?

592
00:28:44.600 --> 00:28:45.920
What should you both be doing?

593
00:28:48.080 --> 00:28:49.600
Getting to know each other.

594
00:28:50.040 --> 00:28:50.880
Yes.

595
00:28:52.360 --> 00:28:55.800
Yes. So you're both getting to know each other. Believe it or not.

596
00:28:55.800 --> 00:28:57.280
When you go for a job interview,

597
00:28:57.440 --> 00:29:00.840
you're not just trying to sell yourself for them to hire you.

598
00:29:01.040 --> 00:29:05.640
You want to see if you like them. You want to see if you want to work there.

599
00:29:05.840 --> 00:29:10.640
So that first date is for you guys to see if you actually want a second date.

600
00:29:10.920 --> 00:29:11.760
That's it.

601
00:29:11.880 --> 00:29:15.320
You are not determining if they are spouse material on the first date.

602
00:29:15.480 --> 00:29:17.400
So for those first few dates,

603
00:29:17.560 --> 00:29:21.000
your only goal is to see if you want to see them again.

604
00:29:21.840 --> 00:29:22.680
That's it.

605
00:29:23.160 --> 00:29:26.920
And so I feel like if you kind of go in with that mindset,

606
00:29:26.920 --> 00:29:28.640
when you're doing online dating,

607
00:29:29.280 --> 00:29:32.400
you're going to go in with a lot less intensity,

608
00:29:32.680 --> 00:29:36.480
a lot less desperation and a lot more fluidity,

609
00:29:36.760 --> 00:29:39.520
fluidity. Um, if that makes sense.

610
00:29:39.520 --> 00:29:43.160
And so think about like when you're doing the cover letter and the resume and

611
00:29:43.160 --> 00:29:46.040
think about that as you're dating, like, I'm just trying to book that.

612
00:29:46.040 --> 00:29:48.320
Like I'm just trying to book the phone call.

613
00:29:48.560 --> 00:29:52.320
I'm just trying to book the video date. I'm just trying to book that live date.

614
00:29:52.560 --> 00:29:54.520
I'm just trying to book that second date.

615
00:29:54.560 --> 00:29:58.840
Like that's kind of the pace that you're going on. Um,

616
00:29:59.800 --> 00:30:00.640
okay.

617
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.960
Okay, and so let's see.

618
00:30:02.960 --> 00:30:04.380
Yes, you are weeding them out.

619
00:30:04.380 --> 00:30:06.080
All right, Cheryl, have you been in the texts?

620
00:30:06.080 --> 00:30:07.660
Is there anything somebody's asked me

621
00:30:07.660 --> 00:30:09.260
that I need to address?

622
00:30:11.140 --> 00:30:13.240
I'm sliding through now.

623
00:30:13.240 --> 00:30:14.840
What's a hoochie?

624
00:30:14.840 --> 00:30:17.000
Somebody asked what's a hoochie.

625
00:30:17.000 --> 00:30:19.800
Anya has a question, so.

626
00:30:19.800 --> 00:30:21.020
Who does?

627
00:30:21.020 --> 00:30:22.080
Anya.

628
00:30:22.080 --> 00:30:23.600
Anya, what was the question?

629
00:30:25.480 --> 00:30:29.280
Okay, Meg Smith, you don't need to make your profile public.

630
00:30:29.280 --> 00:30:33.960
I understand that, but so my Facebook page is not public,

631
00:30:33.960 --> 00:30:35.560
but some things are public.

632
00:30:35.560 --> 00:30:40.240
Your actual basic, like, well, you have to be searchable.

633
00:30:40.240 --> 00:30:43.640
Like, if you can be searchable and your page can be private,

634
00:30:43.640 --> 00:30:45.320
but then at least your profile photo

635
00:30:45.320 --> 00:30:48.480
and your cover photo need to be accessible.

636
00:30:48.480 --> 00:30:50.800
So I would say don't have pictures of your children

637
00:30:50.800 --> 00:30:53.280
in your profile photo or your cover photo.

638
00:30:53.280 --> 00:30:55.040
If that is all somebody can see

639
00:30:55.040 --> 00:30:57.480
from a private Facebook page,

640
00:30:57.520 --> 00:31:00.460
then those two pictures need to be just you.

641
00:31:01.900 --> 00:31:03.000
Because I promise you,

642
00:31:03.000 --> 00:31:05.400
that is how people are gonna try to see what you look like.

643
00:31:05.400 --> 00:31:06.880
They're just gonna try to,

644
00:31:06.880 --> 00:31:08.540
because that's what you would be doing, right?

645
00:31:08.540 --> 00:31:10.520
Like, you'd be searching to find pictures

646
00:31:10.520 --> 00:31:12.280
of this other person.

647
00:31:12.280 --> 00:31:17.280
And I wanna say the featured can be,

648
00:31:18.040 --> 00:31:20.200
yes, thank you for saying that, Cherie.

649
00:31:20.200 --> 00:31:23.560
I think you can make the featured photos public

650
00:31:23.560 --> 00:31:25.400
while everything else stays private.

651
00:31:28.040 --> 00:31:31.120
All right, Ina, what was the question you had?

652
00:31:31.120 --> 00:31:33.360
I might've just misheard or misunderstand,

653
00:31:33.360 --> 00:31:37.000
but when you were saying the last point

654
00:31:37.000 --> 00:31:39.000
about like the one question about where you're at

655
00:31:39.000 --> 00:31:42.000
in your dating season to kind of gauge where they're at

656
00:31:42.000 --> 00:31:45.040
and paying attention to one's current readiness,

657
00:31:45.040 --> 00:31:46.960
you had said something like if their answer

658
00:31:46.960 --> 00:31:49.140
was just getting started or whatever,

659
00:31:50.360 --> 00:31:52.940
made it kind of sound like that means not ready.

660
00:31:52.940 --> 00:31:54.980
But I'm thinking even on our end,

661
00:31:54.980 --> 00:31:56.680
like I haven't been on a ton of dates,

662
00:31:56.760 --> 00:31:58.720
but it doesn't mean I'm-

663
00:31:58.720 --> 00:31:59.760
Well, so here's how you-

664
00:31:59.760 --> 00:32:01.120
I might've misunderstood, but-

665
00:32:01.120 --> 00:32:02.840
No, that's actually a great question.

666
00:32:02.840 --> 00:32:04.080
So let's clarify that.

667
00:32:04.080 --> 00:32:06.880
So I'm gonna help you give the right answer

668
00:32:06.880 --> 00:32:09.560
so that you, even though you're early in your dating,

669
00:32:09.560 --> 00:32:12.200
you know, so you actually don't,

670
00:32:12.200 --> 00:32:14.400
if you haven't dated in seven years,

671
00:32:14.400 --> 00:32:17.200
I don't think you should say I haven't dated in seven years.

672
00:32:17.200 --> 00:32:19.100
Okay, so you're not gonna say that.

673
00:32:19.100 --> 00:32:22.240
You're gonna say I'm dating with intention right now.

674
00:32:23.080 --> 00:32:25.240
I'm dating with intention right now.

675
00:32:26.000 --> 00:32:30.080
I'm obviously online to meet somebody in real life

676
00:32:30.080 --> 00:32:32.360
and I'm really hoping to find my person

677
00:32:32.360 --> 00:32:34.560
to go live out my next season with.

678
00:32:34.560 --> 00:32:36.040
I've enjoyed my life,

679
00:32:36.040 --> 00:32:38.160
but I'm intentionally looking for somebody

680
00:32:38.160 --> 00:32:39.840
for my next season.

681
00:32:39.840 --> 00:32:41.320
Do you see how that sounds ready?

682
00:32:41.320 --> 00:32:42.160
Yeah, it's great.

683
00:32:42.160 --> 00:32:43.740
And it doesn't sound desperate.

684
00:32:43.740 --> 00:32:46.560
You haven't said, oh my gosh, I am waiting for my husband.

685
00:32:46.560 --> 00:32:48.640
Like I'm looking for my husband.

686
00:32:48.640 --> 00:32:51.020
Doesn't say that, but you're like, oh my gosh,

687
00:32:51.020 --> 00:32:52.480
I haven't dated in seven years.

688
00:32:52.480 --> 00:32:53.800
I'm just getting out there.

689
00:32:53.800 --> 00:32:55.720
Like you don't want anybody to take advantage

690
00:32:55.720 --> 00:32:57.200
of that posture, right?

691
00:32:57.200 --> 00:32:59.020
You wanna sound like you're confident.

692
00:32:59.020 --> 00:33:01.580
And so, and that brings up another great question.

693
00:33:01.580 --> 00:33:02.700
I'm so glad you brought this up.

694
00:33:02.700 --> 00:33:04.360
Someone says, when is the last time

695
00:33:04.360 --> 00:33:05.440
that you've dated somebody?

696
00:33:05.440 --> 00:33:06.280
You know what?

697
00:33:06.280 --> 00:33:07.480
I'm in a dating season right now.

698
00:33:07.480 --> 00:33:11.280
So I'm in a active season of getting to know people.

699
00:33:11.280 --> 00:33:13.920
I'm in an active season of getting to know people.

700
00:33:13.920 --> 00:33:14.760
You know what?

701
00:33:14.760 --> 00:33:15.680
And then someone might say to you,

702
00:33:15.680 --> 00:33:17.400
well, how long has it been

703
00:33:17.400 --> 00:33:19.520
since your most serious relationship?

704
00:33:19.520 --> 00:33:21.360
It's been a little bit.

705
00:33:21.360 --> 00:33:23.080
It's been a little bit.

706
00:33:23.080 --> 00:33:24.640
But you know what?

707
00:33:24.640 --> 00:33:29.560
My goal right now is to meet people in real life now

708
00:33:29.560 --> 00:33:31.280
and get to know who they are today

709
00:33:31.280 --> 00:33:33.240
and for them to get to know who I am today.

710
00:33:33.240 --> 00:33:34.800
I feel like there's a time and a place

711
00:33:34.800 --> 00:33:37.320
for us to talk about our past and now is not it.

712
00:33:38.480 --> 00:33:40.680
That's usually how I answer something like that.

713
00:33:40.680 --> 00:33:42.200
Because like when they ask you questions like,

714
00:33:42.200 --> 00:33:43.640
well, why haven't you met somebody?

715
00:33:43.640 --> 00:33:45.440
And you know, there's no short answer.

716
00:33:45.440 --> 00:33:47.480
Like sometimes if they ask a really hard question,

717
00:33:47.480 --> 00:33:50.000
well, how come you've never gotten married?

718
00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:51.040
I would say things like, well,

719
00:33:51.240 --> 00:33:53.600
there's not a short answer to that.

720
00:33:53.600 --> 00:33:55.160
The only short answer I can give you

721
00:33:55.160 --> 00:33:56.760
is I haven't found my person.

722
00:33:56.760 --> 00:33:58.560
Anything longer than that

723
00:33:58.560 --> 00:34:00.960
is something we'll figure out together.

724
00:34:00.960 --> 00:34:03.200
So never feel like you have to apologize.

725
00:34:03.200 --> 00:34:05.320
Never feel like you have to overexplain.

726
00:34:05.320 --> 00:34:06.680
It is okay for you to say,

727
00:34:06.680 --> 00:34:10.000
I really wanna focus on who I am today and who you are.

728
00:34:10.000 --> 00:34:11.840
And if we keep talking to each other,

729
00:34:11.840 --> 00:34:14.480
there's plenty of time for us to learn about our past.

730
00:34:15.719 --> 00:34:17.880
I will appropriately share about my past

731
00:34:17.880 --> 00:34:19.360
with the right person.

732
00:34:19.360 --> 00:34:20.520
So I'm glad you asked that.

733
00:34:20.960 --> 00:34:22.040
Does that help kind of?

734
00:34:22.040 --> 00:34:23.840
Yeah, absolutely.

735
00:34:23.840 --> 00:34:25.679
It was really good too that you included like,

736
00:34:25.679 --> 00:34:27.120
when's your last serious relationship?

737
00:34:27.120 --> 00:34:28.560
Because I always get that question.

738
00:34:28.560 --> 00:34:30.239
I'm like, I've never had one.

739
00:34:30.239 --> 00:34:31.080
So, you know.

740
00:34:31.080 --> 00:34:32.400
Right, so you're just gonna say,

741
00:34:32.400 --> 00:34:33.920
you know what, it's been a bit.

742
00:34:33.920 --> 00:34:34.760
Yeah, that's good.

743
00:34:34.760 --> 00:34:35.600
It's been a bit.

744
00:34:37.000 --> 00:34:38.159
It's been a bit.

745
00:34:38.159 --> 00:34:39.120
Well, how long?

746
00:34:39.120 --> 00:34:42.040
If they keep kind of pressuring you on that,

747
00:34:42.040 --> 00:34:44.080
and you can just be like, look, you know what?

748
00:34:44.080 --> 00:34:46.239
There are just some questions I'm not gonna answer

749
00:34:46.239 --> 00:34:48.080
in the texting conversation.

750
00:34:48.080 --> 00:34:49.960
If that's not working for you,

751
00:34:50.360 --> 00:34:51.920
I don't wanna waste your time.

752
00:34:51.920 --> 00:34:55.440
And those are the people that I am fine

753
00:34:55.440 --> 00:34:58.080
walking away from right away.

754
00:34:58.080 --> 00:35:00.080
Because if people are trying.

755
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.000
trying to dig too much about my past and like uncover stuff.

756
00:35:06.180 --> 00:35:08.180
Those are the people I just don't feel good about.

757
00:35:08.180 --> 00:35:10.220
Like, I feel like people then are gonna,

758
00:35:10.220 --> 00:35:12.480
they're gathering information to use against me

759
00:35:12.480 --> 00:35:13.980
at some point, I don't know.

760
00:35:13.980 --> 00:35:17.100
And or they're operating in defended,

761
00:35:17.100 --> 00:35:19.980
like not God defended, but in self defended.

762
00:35:19.980 --> 00:35:22.260
And you guys, and we have to think about ourselves

763
00:35:22.260 --> 00:35:23.100
when we do that.

764
00:35:23.100 --> 00:35:27.380
Like, what are we asking to make sure

765
00:35:27.420 --> 00:35:30.860
we're not asking questions to try to rule people out.

766
00:35:33.260 --> 00:35:35.640
Okay, what is appropriate on your first date?

767
00:35:35.640 --> 00:35:37.180
Oh yeah, yeah, oh yeah, that.

768
00:35:37.180 --> 00:35:38.220
Okay, anything else?

769
00:35:38.220 --> 00:35:39.780
That was a great question.

770
00:35:44.680 --> 00:35:45.940
But you're a slow writer.

771
00:35:45.940 --> 00:35:50.180
Well, you're gonna like, I listened to Bethany last week.

772
00:35:50.180 --> 00:35:51.740
She's talked at the speed of light

773
00:35:51.740 --> 00:35:53.100
and she had a lot of content.

774
00:35:53.100 --> 00:35:55.460
And I think she suggested for you guys

775
00:35:55.460 --> 00:35:56.860
to go back in and take notes.

776
00:35:57.340 --> 00:35:59.780
And did you know when you guys watch this stuff in replay,

777
00:35:59.780 --> 00:36:01.820
you can either speed it up or slow it down.

778
00:36:01.820 --> 00:36:04.100
So since I'm talking at the speed of light,

779
00:36:04.100 --> 00:36:07.060
you can actually listen to me at like 0.75

780
00:36:07.960 --> 00:36:09.500
when you get to the good stuff.

781
00:36:09.500 --> 00:36:13.620
Let's see, should you be proactive or let the men lead?

782
00:36:13.620 --> 00:36:17.900
Okay, so it is okay for you to drop the hanky

783
00:36:17.900 --> 00:36:20.540
and let a guy know that you're interested.

784
00:36:20.540 --> 00:36:22.460
It is okay to do that.

785
00:36:22.460 --> 00:36:24.900
In fact, I did one of my coaching calls

786
00:36:24.900 --> 00:36:26.480
with one of y'all privately

787
00:36:27.100 --> 00:36:28.880
and we talked about having really cute business cards

788
00:36:28.880 --> 00:36:29.720
ready to go.

789
00:36:29.720 --> 00:36:31.920
Like I already happen to have business cards

790
00:36:31.920 --> 00:36:33.840
because of my coaching business.

791
00:36:33.840 --> 00:36:35.080
So when I would meet people,

792
00:36:35.080 --> 00:36:37.040
men or women that I wanted to talk to again,

793
00:36:37.040 --> 00:36:38.760
I'm like, oh my gosh, here's my card.

794
00:36:38.760 --> 00:36:40.620
It's got my email and that's got my cell phone on there.

795
00:36:40.620 --> 00:36:42.260
I'd love to hang out with you again.

796
00:36:42.260 --> 00:36:44.160
Like I would do that for women and men.

797
00:36:44.160 --> 00:36:45.640
So you need to find,

798
00:36:45.640 --> 00:36:47.520
if you're gonna wanna meet people in the wild,

799
00:36:47.520 --> 00:36:49.960
you have to have a fast way to hand them away

800
00:36:49.960 --> 00:36:54.440
to contact you that's easy and accessible to you.

801
00:36:54.440 --> 00:36:58.880
And so it is okay for you to have a cool conversation

802
00:36:58.880 --> 00:37:02.280
with somebody at the DMV, at the grocery store.

803
00:37:02.280 --> 00:37:04.120
And you're like, I kind of feel like we're vibing,

804
00:37:04.120 --> 00:37:05.360
but I can't tell.

805
00:37:05.360 --> 00:37:06.440
So this is how you do it.

806
00:37:06.440 --> 00:37:08.880
Like you're like, Diane,

807
00:37:08.880 --> 00:37:10.880
I just had a really great conversation with you.

808
00:37:10.880 --> 00:37:15.360
I have no idea if you're even single or even looking,

809
00:37:15.360 --> 00:37:17.760
but I didn't wanna leave this moment.

810
00:37:17.760 --> 00:37:19.560
So I'm gonna hand you my card.

811
00:37:19.560 --> 00:37:20.920
And if you're not at all interested

812
00:37:20.920 --> 00:37:23.000
in getting to know me again, that is okay.

813
00:37:23.000 --> 00:37:25.200
You can toss it out on the garbage on the way out.

814
00:37:25.200 --> 00:37:26.720
I will not be offended.

815
00:37:26.720 --> 00:37:27.880
But at the remote chance

816
00:37:27.880 --> 00:37:29.720
that you might wanna chat with me again,

817
00:37:29.720 --> 00:37:31.360
I would love to hear from you.

818
00:37:31.360 --> 00:37:34.000
This way I never leave that moment

819
00:37:34.000 --> 00:37:35.840
wondering what they're thinking.

820
00:37:35.840 --> 00:37:39.760
So I think a version of that is completely appropriate.

821
00:37:39.760 --> 00:37:42.820
But then after that, we do have to let the men lead.

822
00:37:42.820 --> 00:37:46.360
We really want men to kind of then pick up the ball.

823
00:37:46.360 --> 00:37:48.480
We don't have to go like, oh my gosh,

824
00:37:48.480 --> 00:37:49.720
maybe he lost my number.

825
00:37:49.720 --> 00:37:51.600
Maybe I'll try again.

826
00:37:51.600 --> 00:37:54.440
Like we have to kind of trust the universe,

827
00:37:54.440 --> 00:37:56.440
so to speak in that.

828
00:37:58.320 --> 00:38:02.200
So I know Coach O just said,

829
00:38:02.200 --> 00:38:05.480
I suggest letting the man lead.

830
00:38:05.480 --> 00:38:08.280
So that's where I might be different than what you just said.

831
00:38:08.280 --> 00:38:09.960
I think Jackie has coached on this.

832
00:38:09.960 --> 00:38:11.060
I believe it.

833
00:38:11.060 --> 00:38:13.440
I think it is so hard for men right now.

834
00:38:13.440 --> 00:38:15.280
I feel like we have,

835
00:38:15.280 --> 00:38:18.400
like there's a lot of conversation about toxic masculinity.

836
00:38:18.400 --> 00:38:20.760
Women get, women are hard to approach.

837
00:38:21.720 --> 00:38:23.760
Ladies, we're not easy to read sometimes.

838
00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:27.000
So I think it's okay for us to let a guy know

839
00:38:27.000 --> 00:38:28.080
that we're interested.

840
00:38:28.080 --> 00:38:31.440
But again, I always try to say it in a way

841
00:38:35.000 --> 00:38:37.360
that lets them off the hook.

842
00:38:37.360 --> 00:38:39.280
Because they usually laugh at me.

843
00:38:39.280 --> 00:38:42.200
And now irony, you guys, I was at the gym last week

844
00:38:42.200 --> 00:38:44.100
and this one guy started joking around with me.

845
00:38:44.100 --> 00:38:46.220
And I'm like, so I tried making sure he saw

846
00:38:46.220 --> 00:38:47.060
that I had a ring.

847
00:38:47.060 --> 00:38:47.920
He didn't care.

848
00:38:47.920 --> 00:38:50.720
And I mean, he literally looked 20 years younger than me too.

849
00:38:50.720 --> 00:38:51.720
And at one point he was like,

850
00:38:51.720 --> 00:38:53.320
hey, I want to start following you.

851
00:38:53.320 --> 00:38:54.160
Like, what's your handle?

852
00:38:54.160 --> 00:38:55.640
I'm like, no, no.

853
00:38:55.640 --> 00:38:56.840
I said, dude, I'm married.

854
00:38:56.840 --> 00:38:58.440
I'm pretty sure my husband wouldn't appreciate that.

855
00:38:58.440 --> 00:38:59.280
He's like, ah, that's okay.

856
00:38:59.280 --> 00:39:00.120
I'm like, no.

857
00:39:00.120 --> 00:39:00.940
And I'm like thinking to myself,

858
00:39:00.940 --> 00:39:02.000
where were you when I was single?

859
00:39:02.000 --> 00:39:03.440
Because no one ever talked to me at the gym

860
00:39:03.440 --> 00:39:04.320
when I was single.

861
00:39:05.440 --> 00:39:07.920
But y'all, and don't be doing that.

862
00:39:07.920 --> 00:39:09.720
Don't be letting people follow you

863
00:39:09.720 --> 00:39:11.160
if you're in a relationship.

864
00:39:11.160 --> 00:39:12.000
Okay.

865
00:39:12.360 --> 00:39:16.200
Um, okay.

866
00:39:16.200 --> 00:39:18.080
Anya, I feel like I got your question.

867
00:39:18.080 --> 00:39:19.320
Is there anything else I missed?

868
00:39:19.320 --> 00:39:20.160
All right.

869
00:39:20.160 --> 00:39:23.120
All right, come at me with any question

870
00:39:23.120 --> 00:39:25.440
you either have about online dating or dating

871
00:39:25.440 --> 00:39:27.240
or the question that has stumped you

872
00:39:27.240 --> 00:39:28.440
and you don't know what to say.

873
00:39:28.440 --> 00:39:30.140
So raise your hand.

874
00:39:30.140 --> 00:39:32.340
Ooh, Anya, do you have another question?

875
00:39:35.880 --> 00:39:37.520
You might be mixing me up with someone else on the call.

876
00:39:37.520 --> 00:39:38.600
Oh, it's a different Anya.

877
00:39:38.600 --> 00:39:39.440
Okay.

878
00:39:39.440 --> 00:39:40.260
Go for it.

879
00:39:40.260 --> 00:39:41.400
What's your question, girl?

880
00:39:41.800 --> 00:39:42.640
Yeah, my question.

881
00:39:42.640 --> 00:39:43.460
I put it in the chat.

882
00:39:43.460 --> 00:39:44.300
I don't think you saw it.

883
00:39:44.300 --> 00:39:46.240
I know, I thought there's too many.

884
00:39:46.240 --> 00:39:47.720
Sorry.

885
00:39:47.720 --> 00:39:49.760
I am having a continued issue

886
00:39:49.760 --> 00:39:51.920
where when I'm going out on dates,

887
00:39:51.920 --> 00:39:53.120
first and second dates,

888
00:39:53.120 --> 00:39:55.880
men are trying to kiss me on the first or second date.

889
00:39:55.880 --> 00:39:58.160
And every time it's really awkward

890
00:39:58.160 --> 00:40:00.120
because I'm like, oh, oh, no, sorry.

891
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.360
Sorry, I don't kiss until I'm in a relationship.

892
00:40:04.360 --> 00:40:08.320
And so I'm just wondering, how do I head that off?

893
00:40:08.320 --> 00:40:11.040
How do I set the expectation before we're in the moment

894
00:40:11.040 --> 00:40:12.200
where he's trying to kiss me?

895
00:40:14.840 --> 00:40:18.000
Is it happening every single time?

896
00:40:18.000 --> 00:40:20.320
Well, I haven't been going on tons of dates,

897
00:40:20.320 --> 00:40:22.760
but the last three dates I've been going on,

898
00:40:22.760 --> 00:40:24.080
it's been happening.

899
00:40:24.080 --> 00:40:25.760
OK.

900
00:40:25.760 --> 00:40:27.800
Do you feel like there was any, and I'm just

901
00:40:27.800 --> 00:40:29.920
going to ask the hard question, and you can tell me

902
00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:32.440
like I'm being a jerk, is there anything

903
00:40:32.440 --> 00:40:34.680
that you felt like in your body language

904
00:40:34.680 --> 00:40:39.320
and your attire that gave them the impression that they could?

905
00:40:39.320 --> 00:40:41.880
And if your answer is no, then we're going to work with that.

906
00:40:41.880 --> 00:40:43.080
Yeah, it's no.

907
00:40:43.080 --> 00:40:45.960
I actually had been on four dates with another guy

908
00:40:45.960 --> 00:40:47.520
that did not try to kiss me.

909
00:40:47.520 --> 00:40:52.280
And so he and I have been kind of wingmen for each other now.

910
00:40:52.280 --> 00:40:53.560
We're going to be dating events.

911
00:40:53.560 --> 00:40:55.840
And he said, I never got an impression, Anna,

912
00:40:55.840 --> 00:40:58.840
that you were going to kiss.

913
00:40:58.840 --> 00:40:59.400
So great.

914
00:40:59.400 --> 00:41:00.360
OK, perfect.

915
00:41:00.360 --> 00:41:05.240
So this may be too blunt for you,

916
00:41:05.240 --> 00:41:06.680
but it's something to consider.

917
00:41:06.680 --> 00:41:08.720
So you're on the date, you're having a good time,

918
00:41:08.720 --> 00:41:11.000
and just say, you know, you could say somewhere

919
00:41:11.000 --> 00:41:13.120
as you guys are getting to know each other,

920
00:41:13.120 --> 00:41:16.840
oh, Tony, by the way, I'm really enjoying getting to know you.

921
00:41:16.840 --> 00:41:19.040
I do kind of, just so you know, when

922
00:41:19.040 --> 00:41:22.120
I'm at this discovery stage of just going on first dates

923
00:41:22.120 --> 00:41:26.760
with folks, just so it's not awkward later,

924
00:41:26.960 --> 00:41:30.240
I kind of don't put any romance in in these early dates.

925
00:41:30.240 --> 00:41:34.440
And so don't be offended later if I'm not in it.

926
00:41:34.440 --> 00:41:35.960
And if you weren't going to do that,

927
00:41:35.960 --> 00:41:37.600
then we're both on the same page, yay.

928
00:41:37.600 --> 00:41:41.840
So it is OK for you to say it preemptively.

929
00:41:41.840 --> 00:41:45.680
If you feel like it's an issue.

930
00:41:45.680 --> 00:41:47.320
And here's the other thing.

931
00:41:47.320 --> 00:41:51.800
And also, though, if somebody does go to kiss you,

932
00:41:51.800 --> 00:41:56.000
you also don't have to make a big, long explanation.

933
00:41:56.000 --> 00:41:59.000
And all you have to say is, oh my goodness, I'm so sorry.

934
00:41:59.000 --> 00:42:02.800
I don't kiss on these early discovery dates.

935
00:42:02.800 --> 00:42:04.320
No harm, no foul, but I don't kiss

936
00:42:04.320 --> 00:42:05.880
on these early discovery dates.

937
00:42:05.880 --> 00:42:07.920
You don't even have to go so far as to say,

938
00:42:07.920 --> 00:42:11.080
I only kiss with somebody I'm in a committed relationship with.

939
00:42:11.080 --> 00:42:12.880
You can, but you don't have to.

940
00:42:12.880 --> 00:42:15.480
Just say, oh my gosh, I've enjoyed getting to know you.

941
00:42:15.480 --> 00:42:18.280
I just don't make out this early.

942
00:42:18.280 --> 00:42:20.240
I just don't make out this early.

943
00:42:20.240 --> 00:42:23.000
And then don't feel bad that you've said it.

944
00:42:23.000 --> 00:42:25.520
Like, maybe some of why you feel awkward about it

945
00:42:25.520 --> 00:42:27.120
is that you feel bad, but you actually

946
00:42:27.120 --> 00:42:28.640
should not feel bad about it.

947
00:42:28.640 --> 00:42:31.200
They're doing something they don't necessarily

948
00:42:31.200 --> 00:42:33.680
have been given permission to do on the first date.

949
00:42:33.680 --> 00:42:36.000
So if it's awkward, it's awkward for them.

950
00:42:36.000 --> 00:42:37.480
Don't let it be awkward for you.

951
00:42:37.480 --> 00:42:40.040
It is OK that you assert your, oh my gosh,

952
00:42:40.040 --> 00:42:41.720
I don't kiss on the first date.

953
00:42:41.720 --> 00:42:44.160
I don't kiss when I'm just getting to know somebody.

954
00:42:44.160 --> 00:42:46.800
But I really enjoyed getting to know you.

955
00:42:46.800 --> 00:42:49.680
You can soften it with, but I enjoyed getting to know you.

956
00:42:49.680 --> 00:42:51.680
And I'm glad you asked that, because that's a very

957
00:42:51.680 --> 00:42:54.120
common issue that comes up.

958
00:42:54.120 --> 00:42:54.600
Great.

959
00:42:54.600 --> 00:42:55.160
Thank you.

960
00:42:55.160 --> 00:42:55.880
You bet, sweetie.

961
00:42:55.880 --> 00:42:56.960
Helen, what you got?

962
00:42:59.680 --> 00:43:00.840
Can you hear me OK?

963
00:43:00.840 --> 00:43:02.960
Yes, I can.

964
00:43:02.960 --> 00:43:04.520
Forgive me for not being on camera.

965
00:43:04.520 --> 00:43:05.960
I will be next time.

966
00:43:05.960 --> 00:43:07.760
OK.

967
00:43:07.760 --> 00:43:12.200
Question about where a man is with his faith.

968
00:43:12.200 --> 00:43:14.440
If he says, I do church online.

969
00:43:14.440 --> 00:43:18.640
I don't have an in-person faith community.

970
00:43:18.640 --> 00:43:20.920
And that's something that's a big deal for me.

971
00:43:20.920 --> 00:43:24.280
But they're open to finding it.

972
00:43:24.280 --> 00:43:26.680
They just kind of haven't found it.

973
00:43:26.680 --> 00:43:27.720
What do you do with that?

974
00:43:27.720 --> 00:43:29.800
And then number one, number two, when

975
00:43:29.800 --> 00:43:32.640
is it an inappropriate time to go to church together

976
00:43:32.640 --> 00:43:34.760
or explore new church together?

977
00:43:34.760 --> 00:43:35.480
That's good.

978
00:43:35.480 --> 00:43:40.280
OK, so just so you guys know, Brian

979
00:43:40.280 --> 00:43:42.720
was working three jobs, one of which

980
00:43:42.720 --> 00:43:45.320
was an overnight nurse being at the hospital

981
00:43:45.320 --> 00:43:46.640
as a house manager.

982
00:43:46.640 --> 00:43:48.840
And so he was only watching church online

983
00:43:48.840 --> 00:43:50.080
when I first met him.

984
00:43:50.080 --> 00:43:53.360
And that did raise my eyebrow.

985
00:43:53.360 --> 00:43:56.720
I was like, mm, didn't love that answer.

986
00:43:56.720 --> 00:44:00.840
But he also mentioned that he did two Bible apps

987
00:44:00.840 --> 00:44:02.120
every single day.

988
00:44:02.120 --> 00:44:04.160
And I was like, wow, I don't do two Bible apps

989
00:44:04.160 --> 00:44:05.000
every single day.

990
00:44:05.000 --> 00:44:09.360
So that kind of caught my attention.

991
00:44:09.360 --> 00:44:11.840
And then as we had more conversations,

992
00:44:11.840 --> 00:44:15.400
it was clear that faith was a part of his life.

993
00:44:15.400 --> 00:44:18.320
And so that's what I would say to you

994
00:44:18.320 --> 00:44:20.960
is it might raise your eyebrow.

995
00:44:21.720 --> 00:44:25.080
Since COVID, it's actually not unusual for single people

996
00:44:25.080 --> 00:44:27.200
to be doing church online, especially guys.

997
00:44:27.200 --> 00:44:28.320
It's really not.

998
00:44:28.320 --> 00:44:31.200
They're having a harder time to connect and find their church

999
00:44:31.200 --> 00:44:33.480
or find one they like.

1000
00:44:33.480 --> 00:44:36.240
And so I would say don't hold it against them,

1001
00:44:36.240 --> 00:44:38.640
but see how faith is showing up in all

1002
00:44:38.640 --> 00:44:40.160
of their areas of their life.

1003
00:44:40.160 --> 00:44:41.280
Do they have a prayer life?

1004
00:44:41.280 --> 00:44:42.360
Do they read the Bible?

1005
00:44:42.360 --> 00:44:43.480
Are they in a men's group?

1006
00:44:43.480 --> 00:44:45.480
So you start to pay attention to that.

1007
00:44:45.480 --> 00:44:47.360
And then Jackie would say, really,

1008
00:44:47.360 --> 00:44:50.440
you don't want to bring going to church together

1009
00:44:51.280 --> 00:44:54.400
you're heading towards an exclusive relationship.

1010
00:44:54.400 --> 00:44:56.840
So I would say in the first month

1011
00:44:56.840 --> 00:44:59.720
that you're dating somebody, praying together,

1012
00:44:59.720 --> 00:45:00.560
doing a...

1013
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.740
Bible study together, going to church together.

1014
00:45:03.740 --> 00:45:06.720
Ideally is not the best plan.

1015
00:45:07.900 --> 00:45:09.940
Just because you can create a soul tie

1016
00:45:09.940 --> 00:45:13.080
with somebody spiritually, and it can give you guys,

1017
00:45:13.080 --> 00:45:14.820
in the same way that sex too early

1018
00:45:14.820 --> 00:45:17.700
can give you false sense of intimacy,

1019
00:45:17.700 --> 00:45:20.220
doing a church or prayer thing together too early

1020
00:45:20.220 --> 00:45:23.620
can give you a false sense of a connection,

1021
00:45:23.620 --> 00:45:25.020
just because it's not there.

1022
00:45:25.020 --> 00:45:29.200
But reading the Bible together is okay.

1023
00:45:32.160 --> 00:45:33.460
Cheryl, help me here.

1024
00:45:33.460 --> 00:45:35.960
I mean, Jackie would say not in the first few weeks.

1025
00:45:35.960 --> 00:45:37.900
I think Cheryl, I mean, I think Jackie would say

1026
00:45:37.900 --> 00:45:39.060
not in the first few weeks,

1027
00:45:39.060 --> 00:45:39.980
because it can, again,

1028
00:45:39.980 --> 00:45:42.140
it's still kind of creating that soul tie.

1029
00:45:42.140 --> 00:45:44.520
You really want to make sure you're dating somebody

1030
00:45:44.520 --> 00:45:46.660
kind of closer to exclusivity.

1031
00:45:46.660 --> 00:45:49.340
Like you're weeding out all of the other people

1032
00:45:49.340 --> 00:45:51.580
before you start praying together.

1033
00:45:51.580 --> 00:45:54.580
Because praying together, reading the Bible together

1034
00:45:55.100 --> 00:45:58.300
is a form of spiritual intimacy, right?

1035
00:45:58.300 --> 00:45:59.140
It is.

1036
00:45:59.140 --> 00:46:02.420
Now, I will say this, you know, I was in seminary

1037
00:46:02.420 --> 00:46:04.020
and I went on a couple of dates with a guy

1038
00:46:04.020 --> 00:46:05.740
who was like a total theologian.

1039
00:46:05.740 --> 00:46:09.160
And we had really great theology conversations,

1040
00:46:09.160 --> 00:46:11.880
like really in-depth theology conversations.

1041
00:46:12.700 --> 00:46:14.380
But they were much more factual

1042
00:46:14.380 --> 00:46:17.660
and not as like reading and unpacking scripture together.

1043
00:46:17.660 --> 00:46:20.500
So I would say in the first few weeks of you dating somebody

1044
00:46:20.500 --> 00:46:21.660
I would hold off on that.

1045
00:46:21.660 --> 00:46:24.160
Cheryl, would you agree that Jackie would say that?

1046
00:46:24.980 --> 00:46:26.220
Yes, she would.

1047
00:46:26.220 --> 00:46:27.740
Yeah, okay, great.

1048
00:46:27.740 --> 00:46:29.040
All right, Tammy.

1049
00:46:33.060 --> 00:46:38.060
Okay, I listened to the replay from the coursework

1050
00:46:39.220 --> 00:46:41.500
about the dating, online dating.

1051
00:46:41.500 --> 00:46:43.160
And I can't remember what you said about

1052
00:46:43.160 --> 00:46:46.580
like if somebody just wants to comment, you know,

1053
00:46:46.580 --> 00:46:48.340
over a few days or whatever,

1054
00:46:48.340 --> 00:46:50.500
how are you and that kind of small talk stuff.

1055
00:46:50.500 --> 00:46:52.420
And they don't really ask any questions and you-

1056
00:46:52.420 --> 00:46:53.380
Oh yeah.

1057
00:46:54.380 --> 00:46:55.480
And I don't get it going.

1058
00:46:55.480 --> 00:46:56.320
How do you get it going?

1059
00:46:56.320 --> 00:46:57.720
Okay, so here's what you say.

1060
00:46:57.720 --> 00:47:00.140
After like two or three days of,

1061
00:47:00.140 --> 00:47:01.700
hey, hey, how are you?

1062
00:47:01.700 --> 00:47:02.860
How are you?

1063
00:47:02.860 --> 00:47:05.020
This is where you can be super blunt.

1064
00:47:05.020 --> 00:47:07.380
Hey, John, I'm really great.

1065
00:47:07.380 --> 00:47:10.620
I'm just letting you know that I'm only using

1066
00:47:10.620 --> 00:47:13.940
this online portal to meet somebody in real life.

1067
00:47:13.940 --> 00:47:16.220
So that means within a week,

1068
00:47:16.220 --> 00:47:19.180
I would be booking a video date or an in-person date.

1069
00:47:19.180 --> 00:47:21.820
If that's not where you're at, that's totally okay.

1070
00:47:21.820 --> 00:47:24.500
I just don't wanna waste each other's time.

1071
00:47:24.500 --> 00:47:27.420
And if they say, okay, yeah, that's what I want to,

1072
00:47:27.420 --> 00:47:29.260
then I would be like, great.

1073
00:47:29.260 --> 00:47:30.900
Do you wanna book a video chat?

1074
00:47:30.900 --> 00:47:33.140
I use my Zoom account for the first one.

1075
00:47:33.140 --> 00:47:35.580
And then if we click, then I'll give you my cell phone

1076
00:47:35.580 --> 00:47:38.660
and we can go to FaceTime or something after that.

1077
00:47:38.660 --> 00:47:41.000
Would you be available sometime this weekend?

1078
00:47:41.000 --> 00:47:44.980
So that you guys, I was willing to get that direct

1079
00:47:44.980 --> 00:47:47.740
on trying to lock that time down.

1080
00:47:47.740 --> 00:47:50.060
And if they hemmed and hawed after that,

1081
00:47:50.060 --> 00:47:52.100
then I would just stop talking to them.

1082
00:47:52.100 --> 00:47:53.260
So somebody says to me, well,

1083
00:47:53.260 --> 00:47:55.620
what if they keep just asking you questions?

1084
00:47:55.620 --> 00:47:57.340
You stop replying.

1085
00:47:57.340 --> 00:47:58.220
It's really that simple.

1086
00:47:58.220 --> 00:47:59.300
You just stop replying.

1087
00:47:59.300 --> 00:48:01.480
You don't reply on the tool

1088
00:48:01.480 --> 00:48:03.300
that you don't wanna use anymore.

1089
00:48:03.300 --> 00:48:06.820
And so, and Tammy, don't be afraid of all the people.

1090
00:48:06.820 --> 00:48:11.060
Like, I mean, I've had men just like slip away

1091
00:48:11.060 --> 00:48:13.900
or like call me some really awful names.

1092
00:48:13.900 --> 00:48:16.340
I just think, again, remember I said rule number one

1093
00:48:16.340 --> 00:48:19.180
is we're not taking any of this personal.

1094
00:48:19.180 --> 00:48:21.140
And so that's how I would get somebody from the,

1095
00:48:21.140 --> 00:48:24.300
hey, hey, hey, nice day, whatever.

1096
00:48:24.300 --> 00:48:25.180
I'd be like, hey, look,

1097
00:48:25.180 --> 00:48:26.900
I don't know what you're trying to do online,

1098
00:48:26.900 --> 00:48:29.260
but I'm looking for somebody I can talk to in real life.

1099
00:48:29.260 --> 00:48:32.300
And so, a random, hey, every now and then

1100
00:48:32.300 --> 00:48:34.260
is probably not gonna get us there.

1101
00:48:34.260 --> 00:48:37.780
So unless you wanna book a video chat,

1102
00:48:37.780 --> 00:48:41.020
I'm gonna release you to go talk to other people.

1103
00:48:41.020 --> 00:48:43.460
Like a kind of, Hunter, I'm gonna wait on you

1104
00:48:43.460 --> 00:48:45.140
cause I've answered a bunch of questions for you.

1105
00:48:45.140 --> 00:48:47.460
And there's a bunch of people that I've never seen before

1106
00:48:47.460 --> 00:48:48.300
that are new.

1107
00:48:48.300 --> 00:48:50.740
So I'm gonna fly through them first

1108
00:48:50.740 --> 00:48:52.500
and then I'm gonna swing back around to you.

1109
00:48:52.500 --> 00:48:53.340
Okay, buddy?

1110
00:48:55.020 --> 00:48:56.700
I'm gonna flip to a guy.

1111
00:48:56.700 --> 00:48:59.020
Coach O, I don't know you.

1112
00:48:59.020 --> 00:49:00.860
I'm so excited.

1113
00:49:00.860 --> 00:49:01.740
Yay.

1114
00:49:01.740 --> 00:49:02.860
And you're one of the new guys

1115
00:49:02.860 --> 00:49:04.980
and you weren't on the group call I did

1116
00:49:04.980 --> 00:49:05.940
with the men last week.

1117
00:49:05.940 --> 00:49:06.820
So this is fun.

1118
00:49:06.820 --> 00:49:08.940
Tell us, what is your question?

1119
00:49:09.940 --> 00:49:11.980
It was like less of a question.

1120
00:49:11.980 --> 00:49:13.100
It was more of a statement.

1121
00:49:13.100 --> 00:49:14.660
I think I may have raised my hand earlier,

1122
00:49:14.660 --> 00:49:16.580
but I think you kind of really answered that.

1123
00:49:16.620 --> 00:49:18.540
As a guy, as a man,

1124
00:49:18.540 --> 00:49:19.700
I was just saying like for the women,

1125
00:49:19.700 --> 00:49:20.980
I think that was kind of answered,

1126
00:49:20.980 --> 00:49:22.580
but like, yeah, let the guy,

1127
00:49:22.580 --> 00:49:24.100
let him know that you're interested.

1128
00:49:24.100 --> 00:49:26.540
Like smile, flirt with him so that he,

1129
00:49:26.540 --> 00:49:28.100
there's not a question.

1130
00:49:28.100 --> 00:49:29.500
So then he can say, oh,

1131
00:49:29.500 --> 00:49:31.380
and he'll pursue if he's interested.

1132
00:49:31.380 --> 00:49:32.380
You know what I mean?

1133
00:49:32.380 --> 00:49:33.580
Like that's what, yeah.

1134
00:49:33.580 --> 00:49:36.660
So I just wanted to, really that was-

1135
00:49:36.660 --> 00:49:38.700
You wanted to kind of underscore that.

1136
00:49:38.700 --> 00:49:39.540
Yes.

1137
00:49:39.540 --> 00:49:40.380
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1138
00:49:40.380 --> 00:49:41.980
Just exactly, exactly, yeah, yeah.

1139
00:49:41.980 --> 00:49:44.180
Okay, so from a guy's point of view

1140
00:49:44.180 --> 00:49:45.860
and since you're newer,

1141
00:49:45.860 --> 00:49:48.420
is there anything that I'm saying

1142
00:49:48.420 --> 00:49:49.780
that is shocking to you

1143
00:49:49.780 --> 00:49:52.860
or are you finding this helpful and refreshing?

1144
00:49:52.860 --> 00:49:54.300
Because it's always good for me to hear

1145
00:49:54.300 --> 00:49:56.260
what a guy is thinking.

1146
00:49:56.260 --> 00:49:57.100
Because you know what,

1147
00:49:57.100 --> 00:49:58.620
obviously we have predominantly women on here.

1148
00:49:58.620 --> 00:50:00.420
So you might be going, okay, Ramey.

1149
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.840
I think you just say would have scared the crap out of me if you had asked me that question, right?

1150
00:50:04.840 --> 00:50:05.240
No

1151
00:50:05.240 --> 00:50:08.640
I think the other thing is that when you said on the young lady that said um

1152
00:50:08.640 --> 00:50:11.560
Oh the guy tried to kiss her like, you know, like yeah

1153
00:50:11.560 --> 00:50:13.440
Nah, like absolutely not like, you know me

1154
00:50:13.440 --> 00:50:16.320
I think you just have to let the guy know before y'all meet like hey, you know

1155
00:50:16.320 --> 00:50:20.080
I know we're gonna date and everything but I just want to let you know, you know

1156
00:50:20.080 --> 00:50:25.880
I don't kiss into a relationship boom guys like direct like just guys like to be direct

1157
00:50:25.880 --> 00:50:27.320
Let him know just what it is

1158
00:50:27.320 --> 00:50:32.240
You know I'm saying they'll respect that more and they know what the what the guidelines are, you know, so they're not

1159
00:50:33.640 --> 00:50:35.640
Figuring out the whole day exactly

1160
00:50:37.840 --> 00:50:43.040
I love it. And you know what you said that I love too and it's something I always say is

1161
00:50:45.040 --> 00:50:50.440
Adults make statements children explain and so what you just said was I don't kiss on the first date

1162
00:50:50.520 --> 00:50:55.920
You said it like it was a fact you didn't explain it. You didn't have to answer why to it

1163
00:50:55.920 --> 00:50:59.680
You're like, that's just my guideline. Like I just don't kiss on the first date just so we're clear

1164
00:50:59.680 --> 00:51:02.960
I don't guess it's not personal. So don't think I'm being rude. That doesn't happen

1165
00:51:03.480 --> 00:51:07.160
If he or she has a problem, that's not the one like, you know, right then and there like nope

1166
00:51:07.160 --> 00:51:10.840
That's not the one for me. I love it to get to know each other. Yeah, I love it

1167
00:51:10.840 --> 00:51:16.560
I'm gonna be so excited to get to know you better. All right, since you are fresh on the scene here coach

1168
00:51:16.560 --> 00:51:18.880
Oh, tell me what is it? What's your first name?

1169
00:51:19.840 --> 00:51:21.840
Oshel

1170
00:51:24.400 --> 00:51:27.360
I'm in Dover, Delaware. I'm from Philly, but I live in Dover

1171
00:51:28.440 --> 00:51:31.840
Okay, and tell us how old you are. Oh, wow. Okay

1172
00:51:34.800 --> 00:51:36.800
You start flirting with somebody

1173
00:51:37.520 --> 00:51:42.820
Okay, I'm not flirting with you that I promise. I'm just trying to help the other ladies here get to know you

1174
00:51:46.560 --> 00:51:48.560
No

1175
00:51:49.400 --> 00:51:51.400
I'm over 40

1176
00:51:54.000 --> 00:51:56.000
Well over 40

1177
00:51:57.880 --> 00:52:02.800
Some I mean, I'll tell you how old I'm almost 50. I mean, I don't have a problem to say, you know, okay

1178
00:52:02.800 --> 00:52:08.760
Well, there are some ladies in their 40s that are excited to see coach. Oh join the team just saying

1179
00:52:09.320 --> 00:52:14.080
Okay, and what I am gonna tell everybody on here since you're on here live

1180
00:52:14.640 --> 00:52:18.360
Make sure your name here you guys can rename here is

1181
00:52:18.760 --> 00:52:23.480
How it appears in whatever social media you want somebody to slip in your DMS

1182
00:52:23.960 --> 00:52:26.560
So if you want them to slip in your Instagram DM

1183
00:52:26.640 --> 00:52:32.520
You're gonna do at with your handle name if you are searchable on Facebook

1184
00:52:32.520 --> 00:52:35.360
You're gonna actually put how your name appears on Facebook

1185
00:52:35.360 --> 00:52:40.840
So if there's somebody here in this community, you want to reach out to you like sweet Tammy

1186
00:52:40.840 --> 00:52:43.720
It just says Tammy like Tammy's not like so Tammy

1187
00:52:43.720 --> 00:52:47.080
It would be hard for a guy to find you on social media because it just says Tammy

1188
00:52:47.080 --> 00:52:51.760
so be willing here in this community if you want somebody from this community to

1189
00:52:52.000 --> 00:52:55.440
Go a searching for you or like say coach Oh goes man

1190
00:52:55.440 --> 00:52:57.560
I got a brother that would be great for Marley

1191
00:52:57.720 --> 00:53:02.200
Like he wants to be able to find a way to get to Marley and so that's how you have to do it

1192
00:53:02.200 --> 00:53:04.200
All right. Thank you for that comment, Jessica

1193
00:53:04.200 --> 00:53:09.600
You are I put that in the in the just so I guess we can catch that I can think I missed some of it

1194
00:53:10.040 --> 00:53:12.040
How you do it

1195
00:53:12.600 --> 00:53:18.840
How to do the rename Cheryl is great at giving you instructions on how to rename your zoom page, yeah, okay

1196
00:53:19.000 --> 00:53:25.020
Yes, she'll put the instructions right in the chat. Jessica Frank. You are up. Yeah. Hey Renee. Thanks

1197
00:53:25.020 --> 00:53:28.540
I just want to say go Eagles. I noticed I had their coach. Oh

1198
00:53:29.680 --> 00:53:31.680
Wait for football season

1199
00:53:32.080 --> 00:53:34.080
Thanks. Thank you. Yeah

1200
00:53:35.000 --> 00:53:37.760
Renee mines really quick. I I've had a few

1201
00:53:38.400 --> 00:53:40.400
first dates recently

1202
00:53:40.720 --> 00:53:46.680
And both were just one and I'm like, I'm sitting there like, okay, this is cool

1203
00:53:46.680 --> 00:53:49.520
We're having a good time and then they send me a message

1204
00:53:50.200 --> 00:53:52.560
It was nice meeting you. That's it

1205
00:53:53.160 --> 00:53:55.160
Okay end of the day

1206
00:53:55.760 --> 00:53:59.400
Did you let them know you wanted to see them again? No

1207
00:54:00.040 --> 00:54:06.560
Okay, so what we encourage people to do the gang and this is about being a little bold you're gonna be like, hey Tony

1208
00:54:06.560 --> 00:54:09.360
I had a great time with you tonight. I'm not sure where you're at

1209
00:54:09.360 --> 00:54:13.240
I just wanted you to know I would love to see you again if that's not where you're at

1210
00:54:13.240 --> 00:54:17.520
No harm, no foul, but it was really great meeting you you this way you've left

1211
00:54:18.200 --> 00:54:21.840
No doubt that you're interested in a second date now

1212
00:54:21.840 --> 00:54:23.840
Some guys don't like that being that forward

1213
00:54:23.840 --> 00:54:30.760
But a lot of times guys don't always read our body language and they can't always tell so

1214
00:54:31.720 --> 00:54:33.720
And I would say

1215
00:54:33.880 --> 00:54:38.880
Especially if you are if your countenance on a date is a little more shy

1216
00:54:39.400 --> 00:54:44.120
It's not as outgoing naturally. He may have even a harder time

1217
00:54:44.960 --> 00:54:47.480
Discerning if you're interested or not on the date

1218
00:54:47.560 --> 00:54:52.240
So you want to make sure you smile a lot and this is only if you want to go out with them again

1219
00:54:52.240 --> 00:54:54.240
Obviously if you don't want to go out with them again

1220
00:54:54.440 --> 00:54:57.080
Now were they people that kind of matched all your?

1221
00:54:58.280 --> 00:54:59.520
things

1222
00:54:59.520 --> 00:55:01.520
Yeah

1223
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.580
Okay, so that would be my one clue I would add is make sure you're smiling a lot, making

1224
00:55:06.580 --> 00:55:13.060
sure that you are fun, that you're funny, and that you let them know that as you're

1225
00:55:13.060 --> 00:55:15.940
walking away, you're just like, oh my gosh, I had a really great time.

1226
00:55:15.940 --> 00:55:20.100
I'd love to keep, I would love to keep getting to know you.

1227
00:55:20.100 --> 00:55:25.020
So when you say something like, I would like to keep getting to know you, you're admitting

1228
00:55:25.020 --> 00:55:27.180
you're just still both getting to know each other.

1229
00:55:27.180 --> 00:55:30.300
Like this isn't like, I'm not asking you to get married.

1230
00:55:30.300 --> 00:55:36.660
Now I will say this, you guys, and men are, men are much more decisive than women are.

1231
00:55:36.660 --> 00:55:39.820
Like women can be decisive, but men are pretty decisive.

1232
00:55:39.820 --> 00:55:46.060
And so sometimes there is something either about our looks or personality that is just

1233
00:55:46.060 --> 00:55:47.260
not their thing.

1234
00:55:47.260 --> 00:55:51.300
Like there was this one guy, I thought we were having like the best date ever.

1235
00:55:51.300 --> 00:55:53.260
It lasted like three hours.

1236
00:55:53.260 --> 00:55:55.020
Like we even shared appetizers.

1237
00:55:55.020 --> 00:55:56.020
We even ate the same thing.

1238
00:55:56.740 --> 00:55:59.740
And he hugged me goodbye, and it wasn't just like a nice hug.

1239
00:55:59.740 --> 00:56:01.060
Like see, he was really cute.

1240
00:56:01.060 --> 00:56:03.260
So I was like, okay with the hug that night.

1241
00:56:03.260 --> 00:56:06.460
And so he hugged me, I'm like, man, he's totally going to ask me for a second date.

1242
00:56:06.460 --> 00:56:10.220
And then like, I got a very polite, yeah, no.

1243
00:56:10.220 --> 00:56:13.540
And I was like, huh, didn't see that one coming.

1244
00:56:13.540 --> 00:56:18.540
But remember we just said, unless you get to date number four, don't take it personal.

1245
00:56:18.540 --> 00:56:22.540
There was just something about us that was not their jam.

1246
00:56:22.540 --> 00:56:29.300
And they don't, for some reason, oh, okay.

1247
00:56:29.300 --> 00:56:33.620
So somebody just asked me, Jessica, it came to me privately, so I'm not going to disclose

1248
00:56:33.620 --> 00:56:34.660
who it is.

1249
00:56:34.660 --> 00:56:40.940
They asked if you are willing to date long distance.

1250
00:56:40.940 --> 00:56:49.900
So my response to that is I have to get in person pretty early on because I had an experience

1251
00:56:49.900 --> 00:56:55.460
recently where I just, this guy called me every day for like weeks because he was so

1252
00:56:55.460 --> 00:56:57.660
busy he couldn't fly here.

1253
00:56:57.660 --> 00:57:00.460
And then when we met, it was like, we both knew.

1254
00:57:00.460 --> 00:57:01.460
Where are you?

1255
00:57:01.460 --> 00:57:02.460
Nothing here.

1256
00:57:02.460 --> 00:57:03.460
Pennsylvania.

1257
00:57:03.460 --> 00:57:04.460
Oh, you're only in Pennsylvania.

1258
00:57:04.460 --> 00:57:05.460
Yeah.

1259
00:57:05.460 --> 00:57:06.460
Okay.

1260
00:57:06.460 --> 00:57:07.460
Totally doable.

1261
00:57:07.460 --> 00:57:08.460
All right.

1262
00:57:08.460 --> 00:57:09.700
And you guys, that would be true for everybody.

1263
00:57:09.700 --> 00:57:15.100
We really want you to manage how often you're talking to somebody online before you meet

1264
00:57:15.100 --> 00:57:16.100
the person.

1265
00:57:16.100 --> 00:57:17.100
Yes.

1266
00:57:17.100 --> 00:57:18.100
Like you want to pace yourself.

1267
00:57:18.100 --> 00:57:20.740
You don't want to do this whole big romance thing.

1268
00:57:20.740 --> 00:57:25.220
And then you meet in person and it's like, wah, wah, wah.

1269
00:57:25.220 --> 00:57:27.300
So that person has just learned that.

1270
00:57:27.300 --> 00:57:31.900
So you might be getting a little private DM, okie dokie.

1271
00:57:31.900 --> 00:57:32.900
Okay.

1272
00:57:32.900 --> 00:57:33.900
Kristen.

1273
00:57:33.900 --> 00:57:34.900
Hi, Renee.

1274
00:57:34.900 --> 00:57:35.900
Hi, Barb.

1275
00:57:35.900 --> 00:57:40.900
My question is regarding online dating.

1276
00:57:40.900 --> 00:57:47.140
Sometimes I find a guy that I'm interested in and sometimes he's usually like liked me

1277
00:57:47.180 --> 00:57:52.860
or he like somehow, you know, sent me some and so I responded and then like he's just

1278
00:57:52.860 --> 00:57:56.660
giving me one liners and like not asking me any questions.

1279
00:57:56.660 --> 00:58:01.260
And so I'll keep asking questions like a couple of times, but then I'm kind of like, okay,

1280
00:58:01.260 --> 00:58:03.780
how much do I keep asking?

1281
00:58:03.780 --> 00:58:09.100
So I wouldn't keep asking questions for more than two or three times.

1282
00:58:09.100 --> 00:58:13.180
And then I would say like, hey, it seems like it's really hard.

1283
00:58:13.180 --> 00:58:16.060
You're having a hard time asking me questions.

1284
00:58:16.060 --> 00:58:17.420
So we have one of two options.

1285
00:58:17.420 --> 00:58:23.100
Either you're not that interested and we can both call it a day or it might be easier for

1286
00:58:23.100 --> 00:58:24.180
you to talk live.

1287
00:58:24.180 --> 00:58:26.300
Would you be up for a video date?

1288
00:58:26.300 --> 00:58:31.040
So what you kind of do is in these moments, you kind of give people the ultimatum.

1289
00:58:31.040 --> 00:58:34.820
It's like you're letting them know you're done doing the heavy lifting.

1290
00:58:34.820 --> 00:58:38.820
Like it's seeming like you're not asking me any questions.

1291
00:58:38.820 --> 00:58:44.560
So either this is awkward for you, which I totally get, or you're not that into me, which

1292
00:58:44.560 --> 00:58:47.200
is totally cool.

1293
00:58:47.200 --> 00:58:51.440
So if you are still interested in getting to know me, would it be easier to pop over

1294
00:58:51.440 --> 00:58:54.160
to a video chat?

1295
00:58:54.160 --> 00:58:58.840
And then if you get nothing, then at this point you can just close the thing.

1296
00:58:58.840 --> 00:59:03.920
I used to think you guys, we owed people these long explanations and then I would stay matched

1297
00:59:03.920 --> 00:59:06.280
with them until I know they read the thing.

1298
00:59:06.280 --> 00:59:11.760
But if I find that like guys are just like falling off, I just started deleting the conversation.

1299
00:59:11.760 --> 00:59:13.520
Like there's not even a goodbye here.

1300
00:59:13.520 --> 00:59:15.280
It's just like zoop.

1301
00:59:15.280 --> 00:59:19.960
So try to ultimatum them, but in a kind way.

1302
00:59:19.960 --> 00:59:20.960
You know what I'm saying?

1303
00:59:20.960 --> 00:59:24.720
Like, you're like, you're, cause you want to act like you're breezy about this.

1304
00:59:24.720 --> 00:59:25.720
Like you just don't care.

1305
00:59:25.720 --> 00:59:26.720
Where's my conversation?

1306
00:59:26.720 --> 00:59:31.720
Um, who do I need to mute?

1307
00:59:31.720 --> 00:59:33.840
There we go.

1308
00:59:33.840 --> 00:59:35.080
Did you mute them for me, girl?

1309
00:59:35.080 --> 00:59:36.080
All right.

1310
00:59:36.080 --> 00:59:37.080
Thank you.

1311
00:59:37.080 --> 00:59:38.080
Okay.

1312
00:59:38.080 --> 00:59:39.080
So hopefully that answered your question.

1313
00:59:39.080 --> 00:59:40.640
Um, is it Marley?

1314
00:59:40.640 --> 00:59:41.640
Am I saying that right?

1315
00:59:41.640 --> 00:59:42.640
Marley?

1316
00:59:42.760 --> 00:59:43.760
Okay.

1317
00:59:43.760 --> 00:59:44.760
Good.

1318
00:59:44.760 --> 00:59:45.760
All right.

1319
00:59:45.760 --> 00:59:46.760
Hi Renee.

1320
00:59:46.760 --> 00:59:47.760
So this is a question that I put on the app.

1321
00:59:47.760 --> 00:59:56.360
Um, so I've been on a few dates, um, so, uh, video, we, we are not in the same city.

1322
00:59:56.360 --> 00:59:59.960
Um, we've chatted on over the phone, we've, uh, texted.

1323
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.000
And it's been going well. We've been pacing ourselves.

1324
01:00:05.000 --> 01:00:10.000
And last night I asked, and I don't know how that question came to mind.

1325
01:00:10.000 --> 01:00:15.000
I asked about how he plans to celebrate Easter.

1326
01:00:15.000 --> 01:00:19.000
And the answer that I got from it was, I'm not religious.

1327
01:00:19.000 --> 01:00:23.000
And I didn't know.

1328
01:00:23.000 --> 01:00:25.000
Yes, exactly.

1329
01:00:25.000 --> 01:00:32.000
It's not any Sunday. It is like the high holiday of Christianity.

1330
01:00:32.000 --> 01:00:35.000
So I wasn't sure where to take it from there.

1331
01:00:35.000 --> 01:00:43.000
I just continued the conversation as nothing had actually bombed me internally.

1332
01:00:43.000 --> 01:00:50.000
But we had just discussed meeting in person because we are two hours away from each other.

1333
01:00:50.000 --> 01:00:52.000
So we were just discussing.

1334
01:00:52.000 --> 01:00:55.000
Was that the first time that faith had come up?

1335
01:00:55.000 --> 01:01:00.000
Yes. Well, I have mentioned that I go to church.

1336
01:01:00.000 --> 01:01:04.000
And on my profile it says it specifically that I'm a Christian woman.

1337
01:01:04.000 --> 01:01:07.000
Did he say he was a Christian?

1338
01:01:07.000 --> 01:01:11.000
He didn't. My profile says I'm a Christian woman looking for...

1339
01:01:11.000 --> 01:01:14.000
Yeah, yeah. I know. I know. But guys don't read profiles all the time.

1340
01:01:14.000 --> 01:01:17.000
Okay. So did his say anything about faith at all?

1341
01:01:17.000 --> 01:01:18.000
No.

1342
01:01:18.000 --> 01:01:21.000
All right. When that is... I'm glad you're bringing that up.

1343
01:01:21.000 --> 01:01:27.000
Because when a person, guy or girl, does not mention their faith at all,

1344
01:01:27.000 --> 01:01:31.000
that should be a yellow flag right off the get-go.

1345
01:01:31.000 --> 01:01:36.000
And before you get too far in, you want to ask those questions I was talking about

1346
01:01:36.000 --> 01:01:39.000
literally within that first phone call.

1347
01:01:39.000 --> 01:01:42.000
Because they've indicated nowhere that they have an active faith.

1348
01:01:42.000 --> 01:01:44.000
And so that's when you can ask the, you know,

1349
01:01:44.000 --> 01:01:48.000
what do you do in a typical week that takes up time that's important to you?

1350
01:01:48.000 --> 01:01:52.000
You know, what do you lean on when, you know, you go through hard seasons?

1351
01:01:52.000 --> 01:01:55.000
And if faith is not either one of those answers,

1352
01:01:55.000 --> 01:01:57.000
then you can actually be a little bit more blunt.

1353
01:01:57.000 --> 01:01:59.000
You can be like, hey, Brent, you know what?

1354
01:01:59.000 --> 01:02:01.000
I noticed that in my... you may not have realized it,

1355
01:02:01.000 --> 01:02:05.000
but in my profile I mentioned that faith is a big part of my life.

1356
01:02:05.000 --> 01:02:07.000
I've just told you how much it shows up.

1357
01:02:07.000 --> 01:02:10.000
I did notice that you didn't say anything about your faith in those questions

1358
01:02:10.000 --> 01:02:12.000
and you didn't mark it off.

1359
01:02:12.000 --> 01:02:15.000
Do you have an active faith life and what is that like?

1360
01:02:15.000 --> 01:02:20.000
And then the immediate answer is, oh, I'm not religious.

1361
01:02:20.000 --> 01:02:21.000
I will say this.

1362
01:02:21.000 --> 01:02:23.000
When someone kind of comes in, you can say,

1363
01:02:23.000 --> 01:02:25.000
I didn't ask you if you were religious.

1364
01:02:25.000 --> 01:02:27.000
I asked you if you had an active faith.

1365
01:02:27.000 --> 01:02:31.000
And so are you telling me that you don't have an active faith?

1366
01:02:31.000 --> 01:02:34.000
Because everyone, like, gets a little defensive.

1367
01:02:34.000 --> 01:02:36.000
Like, with the whole I'm not religious crap.

1368
01:02:36.000 --> 01:02:37.000
I will say this.

1369
01:02:37.000 --> 01:02:41.000
Usually for me, and I know Jackie has given different advice on this,

1370
01:02:41.000 --> 01:02:44.000
but I did online dating way more than she did.

1371
01:02:44.000 --> 01:02:48.000
I have learned that if people don't mark off Christian

1372
01:02:48.000 --> 01:02:50.000
and it's nowhere in their profile,

1373
01:02:50.000 --> 01:02:53.000
they are probably not an active believer.

1374
01:02:53.000 --> 01:02:57.000
And I know sometimes men don't like to get chased down

1375
01:02:57.000 --> 01:02:59.000
and so they don't put it on there.

1376
01:02:59.000 --> 01:03:00.000
And I'm not saying it doesn't happen,

1377
01:03:00.000 --> 01:03:03.000
but it means that you have to find out sooner than later.

1378
01:03:03.000 --> 01:03:07.000
So when you found that out, it is okay for you to say,

1379
01:03:07.000 --> 01:03:10.000
and it's okay for you to even have another conversation with him.

1380
01:03:10.000 --> 01:03:12.000
Like, in the moment, though, if somebody admits that,

1381
01:03:12.000 --> 01:03:15.000
you can say, like, oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.

1382
01:03:15.000 --> 01:03:18.000
I actually thought we were on the same page faith-wise.

1383
01:03:18.000 --> 01:03:20.000
I did not realize that.

1384
01:03:20.000 --> 01:03:22.000
I'm actually looking for somebody who has an active faith.

1385
01:03:22.000 --> 01:03:25.000
I don't need him to be religious, but he does need to have an active faith,

1386
01:03:25.000 --> 01:03:27.000
and he needs to be a believer in Christ.

1387
01:03:27.000 --> 01:03:30.000
And if that's not you, I'm so glad you were honest

1388
01:03:30.000 --> 01:03:32.000
and told me that before we even met in person.

1389
01:03:32.000 --> 01:03:34.000
And if he's like, is that a deal-breaker?

1390
01:03:34.000 --> 01:03:36.000
Yeah, it actually is.

1391
01:03:36.000 --> 01:03:39.000
Like, it gets to be a deal-breaker for you.

1392
01:03:40.000 --> 01:03:42.000
Sorry, go ahead.

1393
01:03:42.000 --> 01:03:46.000
So I would say, tell me why you would want to meet him in person.

1394
01:03:46.000 --> 01:03:48.000
Me?

1395
01:03:48.000 --> 01:03:49.000
Yeah.

1396
01:03:49.000 --> 01:03:53.000
Well, at this point, I was thinking, well, I want to backpedal.

1397
01:03:53.000 --> 01:03:57.000
So I guess I'm giving you permission to backpedal.

1398
01:03:57.000 --> 01:03:58.000
So here's what you can do.

1399
01:03:58.000 --> 01:04:00.000
You can call him up and say, you know what?

1400
01:04:00.000 --> 01:04:02.000
You said something that kind of took me aback,

1401
01:04:02.000 --> 01:04:05.000
and I did not have an immediate response.

1402
01:04:05.000 --> 01:04:07.000
So now that I've had some time to think about it,

1403
01:04:07.000 --> 01:04:10.000
I want to ask a clarifying question.

1404
01:04:10.000 --> 01:04:13.000
When I asked about faith and going to church on Easter,

1405
01:04:13.000 --> 01:04:14.000
you said that you weren't religious.

1406
01:04:14.000 --> 01:04:17.000
I need you to actually tell me a little bit more about what that means to you.

1407
01:04:17.000 --> 01:04:20.000
Does that mean you don't have any active faith at all

1408
01:04:20.000 --> 01:04:22.000
and that you're not a believer in Christ?

1409
01:04:22.000 --> 01:04:24.000
And if he says, well, no, I'm not, you can say,

1410
01:04:24.000 --> 01:04:28.000
well, then we're probably not right for each other, and that's okay.

1411
01:04:28.000 --> 01:04:31.000
But, like, I'm not here to defend the gospel.

1412
01:04:31.000 --> 01:04:33.000
I'm not here to prove anything to anybody,

1413
01:04:33.000 --> 01:04:35.000
but I do need to hang out with somebody

1414
01:04:35.000 --> 01:04:38.000
who actually believes the same way that I do.

1415
01:04:38.000 --> 01:04:40.000
And so I'm so glad that you were honest

1416
01:04:40.000 --> 01:04:45.000
before we even, you know, spent any more time going forward.

1417
01:04:45.000 --> 01:04:46.000
Right. Thank you.

1418
01:04:46.000 --> 01:04:49.000
Renee, the only thing, the other thing is that

1419
01:04:49.000 --> 01:04:51.000
because we've met through Facebook dating,

1420
01:04:51.000 --> 01:04:53.000
we have friends and we have common friends, right?

1421
01:04:53.000 --> 01:04:57.000
And we've figured out, like, we were in the same circles.

1422
01:04:57.000 --> 01:04:59.000
We lived in the same city.

1423
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.400
right, etc. So the other thing that I was thinking was to have that conversation and

1424
01:05:06.400 --> 01:05:14.160
tell him we can be friends, knowing, okay. Well, I mean, here's the thing. I mean, I

1425
01:05:14.160 --> 01:05:18.840
don't know. Do you have room for more friends in your life? Do you have the capacity? My

1426
01:05:18.840 --> 01:05:23.180
only concern when we say this, you guys, especially at our age, I feel like you're closer to my

1427
01:05:23.180 --> 01:05:29.980
age than some of the young people here. I don't know that I had, I would have wanted

1428
01:05:29.980 --> 01:05:35.620
to make capacity for a male friend that I'm going to go hang out with that wasn't my boyfriend

1429
01:05:35.620 --> 01:05:39.500
because that's how I get stuck in a situationship. So you've met this person online. You could

1430
01:05:39.500 --> 01:05:43.780
say like, you know, hey, we can be Facebook friends, but we're probably not going to go

1431
01:05:43.780 --> 01:05:48.940
out one-on-one, you know? So what does that mean, be friends? Like you have acquaintances

1432
01:05:48.940 --> 01:05:52.220
like, hey, you know, obviously we have mutual friends, so we're probably going to run into

1433
01:05:52.220 --> 01:05:57.260
each other and it will be great to bump into you. That's what you could say. Things like

1434
01:05:57.420 --> 01:06:02.060
that. Like, you know, I realized we have mutual friends, so we may cross each other's paths.

1435
01:06:02.060 --> 01:06:06.980
I wish you the very best. If I see you, it'll be great to see you in person, but we're probably

1436
01:06:06.980 --> 01:06:13.340
not on the same page dating capacity. It is okay to say that. And I'm so glad you're finding

1437
01:06:13.340 --> 01:06:17.840
that out. And I'm glad you asked that because everybody else is hearing us have this conversation

1438
01:06:17.840 --> 01:06:21.960
about faith. Stephanie asked in the chats, how do you tell a guy that it is too early

1439
01:06:21.960 --> 01:06:26.380
for that spiritual intimacy? You just say it. Kind of like what Coach O said, you just

1440
01:06:26.500 --> 01:06:31.080
say it. Like, you know what you guys, I've just learned, you know, I've done enough dating

1441
01:06:31.080 --> 01:06:37.260
to learn that in those first early weeks that I'm not going to create emotional intimacy,

1442
01:06:37.260 --> 01:06:42.100
sexual intimacy, or spiritual intimacy. So we're just going to focus on getting to know

1443
01:06:42.100 --> 01:06:47.260
each other in our day-to-day life. Like in these first early weeks, we're just trying

1444
01:06:47.260 --> 01:06:51.660
to get to know each other. That's how you say it. I'm trying to make sure I don't create

1445
01:06:51.660 --> 01:06:55.820
too much emotional, spiritual, or physical intimacy in the first few weeks when we're

1446
01:06:55.820 --> 01:07:02.540
just figuring out who we are. And again, you don't explain it. You just make a statement.

1447
01:07:02.540 --> 01:07:11.580
Okay. Let's see. David, did you have a question? Yeah. Oh no. The plane's coming. I live near

1448
01:07:11.580 --> 01:07:16.460
the airport. Damn. Dang. She killed us. David, are you serious? What airport? San Antonio?

1449
01:07:16.460 --> 01:07:21.820
Does San Antonio have an airport? Yeah. Yeah. It's like the seventh biggest city in the

1450
01:07:21.820 --> 01:07:26.340
country. I live near the airport, so the planes fly over my house constantly.

1451
01:07:26.340 --> 01:07:31.620
So funny. I used to live in an area of Nashville that was right next to the airport and I could

1452
01:07:31.620 --> 01:07:40.780
always hear the airports. Sorry. I just got on here because I was thinking about whether

1453
01:07:40.780 --> 01:07:45.020
to go to California for Live Action's Pro-Life Young Leader Summit. I don't know if I'm going

1454
01:07:45.020 --> 01:07:49.300
to go. It's on Saturday. I have friends that are there, so that's awesome.

1455
01:07:49.300 --> 01:07:55.500
You're going to go on Saturday? I used to run a pregnancy center for 20 years, so I have a lot

1456
01:07:55.500 --> 01:07:59.780
of friends that speak at those events and are a big part of that. So I don't know if they're going

1457
01:07:59.780 --> 01:08:02.980
to be there this weekend, but probably. I don't know if I'm going to go because it's too far.

1458
01:08:02.980 --> 01:08:12.780
But anyway, on secular dating apps, how do you make sure that they believe in no sex before

1459
01:08:12.780 --> 01:08:18.819
marriage? And me as a Catholic, I guess Protestants are allowed to use contraception including

1460
01:08:18.819 --> 01:08:24.819
condoms and all this stuff. And as a Catholic, we're not allowed to use any of it. So how do I

1461
01:08:24.819 --> 01:08:32.340
make sure? How do you not waste your time either? I've asked this a lot. Can you ask it on the app?

1462
01:08:32.340 --> 01:08:40.500
Do you believe in no sex? I will say this, and what I'm about to tell you lines up with what

1463
01:08:40.500 --> 01:08:44.540
Jackie would say, but I'm not telling you that this is what you have to do because some people

1464
01:08:44.540 --> 01:08:50.779
are very specific about this. Some people will put right in their profile, no sex before marriage.

1465
01:08:50.779 --> 01:08:58.420
They might say it right away. For me, I have found that in what Jackie has said is you have

1466
01:08:58.420 --> 01:09:03.939
the sex talk when the sex talk is appropriate to have. So when you're like a first and second date

1467
01:09:03.939 --> 01:09:09.859
with somebody, it usually is not a conversation that should, it's not a conversation I would have

1468
01:09:09.859 --> 01:09:15.260
with a guy at the grocery store. I would not go up to a cute guy at the grocery store and start

1469
01:09:15.260 --> 01:09:20.460
talking to him and go, oh my God, and he asks for my number. I wouldn't in the aisle, like in aisle

1470
01:09:20.460 --> 01:09:25.140
eight, I would not say to him, by the way, I don't have sex before marriage. I'm like, I just wouldn't.

1471
01:09:25.140 --> 01:09:32.380
That would be weird for me. I'm gonna find out how he feels about sex as I'm asking all of those

1472
01:09:32.380 --> 01:09:38.260
other questions. So some of those faith questions, that's gonna start to give me an indication. But

1473
01:09:38.300 --> 01:09:44.740
somewhere in date, believe it or not, people who are sexual are gonna let you know pretty

1474
01:09:44.740 --> 01:09:51.859
damn fast. Like I've had plenty of guys on the first date tell me, like, I will say this,

1475
01:09:51.859 --> 01:09:57.820
here's a good sign that they want sex before marriage. If they start talking about how their

1476
01:09:57.820 --> 01:10:00.100
spouse wouldn't have sex with them when they were married,

1477
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.840
Well, I'm a very sexual person and the reason why my wife and I, or my husband and I, whatever,

1478
01:10:06.840 --> 01:10:08.840
is because we weren't having sex in our marriage.

1479
01:10:08.840 --> 01:10:13.920
If I'm learning about their sex or lack of sex life on the first date, it is probably

1480
01:10:13.920 --> 01:10:17.640
way too high important for them and they're probably going to want to have sex before

1481
01:10:17.640 --> 01:10:18.640
marriage.

1482
01:10:18.640 --> 01:10:23.360
So I've just learned that without actually even having to say it.

1483
01:10:23.360 --> 01:10:29.280
I want to say with Brian, we were probably video chatting for about a week when he was

1484
01:10:29.280 --> 01:10:34.760
on vacation and at the very end of the vacation, he basically said, Hey, I booked the same

1485
01:10:34.760 --> 01:10:36.400
trip with my family next year.

1486
01:10:36.400 --> 01:10:38.900
So maybe if we're still together, you can come.

1487
01:10:38.900 --> 01:10:40.760
And I was like, hold on there, bucko.

1488
01:10:40.760 --> 01:10:41.760
I even called him bucko.

1489
01:10:41.760 --> 01:10:42.760
Hold on there, bucko.

1490
01:10:42.760 --> 01:10:51.220
I was like, I don't do any trips with men that I'm not married to.

1491
01:10:51.220 --> 01:10:55.640
And I said, and by the way, since I might've already annoyed you, I might as well tell

1492
01:10:55.640 --> 01:10:58.400
you right now, I'm not going to have sex before I get married.

1493
01:10:58.520 --> 01:11:05.120
So I said it pretty quickly in, but the conversation presented itself.

1494
01:11:05.120 --> 01:11:12.200
So I find that if you have the right conversations early on, you can usually tell pretty much

1495
01:11:12.200 --> 01:11:14.120
right away.

1496
01:11:14.120 --> 01:11:17.440
So Jackie and I are not fans of it being in a profile.

1497
01:11:17.440 --> 01:11:22.640
We are not fans of, of talking about it before the first day or even on the first date.

1498
01:11:22.640 --> 01:11:28.160
But if the conversation comes up from the opposite person and it's important to them,

1499
01:11:28.920 --> 01:11:30.560
you're not going to ignore it.

1500
01:11:30.560 --> 01:11:36.720
The reason I mentioned it is because if it's brought up later than sooner, then that puts

1501
01:11:36.720 --> 01:11:43.680
a lot of pressure on me to uphold, to be strong and uphold chastity while I'm on the date,

1502
01:11:43.680 --> 01:11:44.680
if I'm weak.

1503
01:11:44.680 --> 01:11:45.680
Yeah.

1504
01:11:45.680 --> 01:11:46.680
Okay.

1505
01:11:46.680 --> 01:11:47.680
Well, here's the thing.

1506
01:11:47.680 --> 01:11:51.240
So when you're going on discovery dates here, you're not supposed to be hugging her, touching

1507
01:11:51.240 --> 01:11:52.240
her, kissing her.

1508
01:11:52.240 --> 01:11:56.440
So there's no work that is going to be required of you to be the strong one.

1509
01:11:56.440 --> 01:11:58.600
So I would say I'm Protestant.

1510
01:11:58.600 --> 01:12:02.520
I believe in birth control, but I'm not going to be making, I would have not made it hard

1511
01:12:02.520 --> 01:12:03.520
for you, David.

1512
01:12:03.520 --> 01:12:07.520
Just because I wouldn't bring it up in the first date doesn't mean I'm not like there's

1513
01:12:07.520 --> 01:12:11.440
like every single, just so you know, and I don't know how new to the program you are,

1514
01:12:11.440 --> 01:12:14.560
but every woman in our program here pretty much all feels like you do.

1515
01:12:14.560 --> 01:12:16.480
We're not having sex before we get married.

1516
01:12:16.480 --> 01:12:21.000
That's pretty much the general consensus of everybody in the last year single program.

1517
01:12:21.000 --> 01:12:25.520
So I can tell you if you choose to try to date somebody in this community, she's on

1518
01:12:25.600 --> 01:12:26.600
the same page with you.

1519
01:12:26.600 --> 01:12:29.600
I'm talking about secular women because I'm on a lot of...

1520
01:12:29.600 --> 01:12:31.600
Well, then you shouldn't be dating secular women.

1521
01:12:31.600 --> 01:12:32.600
What are you doing?

1522
01:12:32.600 --> 01:12:33.600
Have y'all talked about that?

1523
01:12:33.600 --> 01:12:36.600
I joined the meeting late, but I mean...

1524
01:12:36.600 --> 01:12:37.600
Okay.

1525
01:12:37.600 --> 01:12:40.120
So we would definitely say, I mean, so that's my point.

1526
01:12:40.120 --> 01:12:41.120
Like...

1527
01:12:41.120 --> 01:12:42.880
Well, you can't always find a Christian woman on these apps.

1528
01:12:42.880 --> 01:12:46.840
I mean, I'm sure all these other people would tell you that on the call here.

1529
01:12:46.840 --> 01:12:52.120
I mean, it's kind of a luxury to be able to find Christians on, well, that was another

1530
01:12:52.120 --> 01:12:53.120
question I was going to ask.

1531
01:12:53.120 --> 01:12:54.120
Well, I will say this.

1532
01:12:54.720 --> 01:13:01.360
David, there are about 500 women in this program, all of them are believers.

1533
01:13:01.360 --> 01:13:07.720
All of them have an active faith life, and all of them would love to get to know you.

1534
01:13:07.720 --> 01:13:11.360
Well, not all of them, whoever is fitting in your category of likes.

1535
01:13:11.360 --> 01:13:14.320
There's plenty of women right in this community before you even go.

1536
01:13:14.320 --> 01:13:17.560
I mean, and I can't say that to the women in this group because there's only 10 of you

1537
01:13:17.560 --> 01:13:18.560
on the call.

1538
01:13:18.560 --> 01:13:22.520
There's only like 10 guys on the call at any given time, but I can tell you if you are

1539
01:13:23.520 --> 01:13:27.200
that you would have to go further than this community to at least start to have some really

1540
01:13:27.200 --> 01:13:28.200
decent dates.

1541
01:13:28.400 --> 01:13:32.560
But no, you shouldn't be dating women who like you should like if you listen to the

1542
01:13:32.560 --> 01:13:36.800
tape, I'm not going to repeat myself, but at the front of this session, I talk about

1543
01:13:36.800 --> 01:13:39.640
how to find out about their faith life quickly on.

1544
01:13:40.000 --> 01:13:44.560
If she has an active faith life, you want to find that out pretty soon and you don't

1545
01:13:44.560 --> 01:13:46.360
go past date one or two with her.

1546
01:13:46.360 --> 01:13:48.520
So you should not be missionary dating.

1547
01:13:48.520 --> 01:13:49.640
You should not be dating.

1548
01:13:49.640 --> 01:13:52.280
And there are Catholic women in this community as well.

1549
01:13:52.280 --> 01:13:53.560
So you are not the only Catholic.

1550
01:13:53.920 --> 01:13:55.000
I was raised Catholic.

1551
01:13:55.000 --> 01:13:56.080
I get what you're saying.

1552
01:13:57.000 --> 01:14:00.360
And so there are Catholic women in this community.

1553
01:14:00.600 --> 01:14:05.080
There are you will you can find out about their faith life pretty early on.

1554
01:14:05.080 --> 01:14:08.160
And that will tell you where they are.

1555
01:14:08.160 --> 01:14:10.440
But we do not recommend missionary dating.

1556
01:14:10.440 --> 01:14:15.840
So I'm going to tell you, like, because to me, your bigger concern shouldn't be that

1557
01:14:15.840 --> 01:14:17.200
she wants to have sex with you.

1558
01:14:17.200 --> 01:14:20.640
Your bigger concern should be that she doesn't share the same faith in Christ that you

1559
01:14:20.640 --> 01:14:24.920
do. That to me would be your bigger concern, because if you both have the same faith in

1560
01:14:24.920 --> 01:14:28.720
Christ, then you're both going to be committed to that abstinence.

1561
01:14:29.320 --> 01:14:32.360
Did you talk about what apps that you recommend to be beyond?

1562
01:14:32.840 --> 01:14:37.480
Yeah, I mean, and so what we've noticed is like I met my husband on Facebook dating

1563
01:14:37.480 --> 01:14:40.920
Bethany, who also runs the program at her husband on Facebook dating.

1564
01:14:40.920 --> 01:14:44.720
But the common ones that we've heard that have been the most successful for people in

1565
01:14:44.760 --> 01:14:50.880
the community is Facebook dating, Hinge, Bumble, Holy, Upward.

1566
01:14:52.560 --> 01:14:57.640
Hinge and Bumble are all secular, that's my point, but there's plenty of Christians on

1567
01:14:57.640 --> 01:14:59.400
there like I have I went on.

1568
01:14:59.400 --> 01:14:59.880
Well, you have.

1569
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:01.400
Use the filters.

1570
01:15:01.400 --> 01:15:04.000
Yeah, and you have to ask the right questions early on.

1571
01:15:04.000 --> 01:15:05.640
I'm sorry I'm taking up so much time.

1572
01:15:05.640 --> 01:15:06.240
It's OK.

1573
01:15:06.240 --> 01:15:08.720
I mean, like, I actually think most of the women

1574
01:15:08.720 --> 01:15:11.400
here are actually appreciating your frustration.

1575
01:15:11.400 --> 01:15:13.800
Ladies, are we appreciating the frustration?

1576
01:15:13.800 --> 01:15:15.880
We didn't think there were guys out there.

1577
01:15:15.880 --> 01:15:17.720
I know how to ask all the right questions.

1578
01:15:17.720 --> 01:15:19.080
I just entered the meeting late.

1579
01:15:19.080 --> 01:15:20.960
So it's all good.

1580
01:15:20.960 --> 01:15:23.560
It's all good.

1581
01:15:23.560 --> 01:15:25.440
I'm the question master.

1582
01:15:25.440 --> 01:15:28.680
No, no, David, and you know what, I will say this.

1583
01:15:28.720 --> 01:15:31.120
Bring some of these other questions up on the Monday

1584
01:15:31.120 --> 01:15:32.680
call that you do with just the guys.

1585
01:15:32.680 --> 01:15:34.560
And sometimes I help that.

1586
01:15:34.560 --> 01:15:36.000
And I could be a lot more.

1587
01:15:36.000 --> 01:15:38.200
I can give you guys a lot more specifics on it.

1588
01:15:38.200 --> 01:15:41.040
So I'm so glad that you are here.

1589
01:15:41.040 --> 01:15:43.000
And I'm so glad you asked that.

1590
01:15:47.120 --> 01:15:48.000
OK.

1591
01:15:48.000 --> 01:15:49.120
Yeah, thank you.

1592
01:15:49.120 --> 01:15:50.200
Yeah, it's all good.

1593
01:15:50.200 --> 01:15:51.800
It's all good.

1594
01:15:51.800 --> 01:15:53.480
Hunter and then Nitin.

1595
01:15:53.480 --> 01:15:56.760
And then, yeah, we got about 15 more minutes left.

1596
01:15:56.760 --> 01:15:58.560
So Hunter and Nitin, you go up first.

1597
01:15:58.560 --> 01:15:59.360
Hunter, what you got?

1598
01:16:03.120 --> 01:16:04.120
Where'd you go, Hunter?

1599
01:16:07.120 --> 01:16:08.160
OK.

1600
01:16:08.160 --> 01:16:09.520
Is that better?

1601
01:16:09.520 --> 01:16:10.280
I can't see you.

1602
01:16:10.280 --> 01:16:12.520
But as soon as you start talking, you will eventually.

1603
01:16:12.520 --> 01:16:13.680
Yeah, I should see you.

1604
01:16:13.680 --> 01:16:14.720
All right.

1605
01:16:14.720 --> 01:16:17.200
So basically, I'm on the Arc app.

1606
01:16:17.200 --> 01:16:20.360
And I just see women come and go and swipe.

1607
01:16:20.360 --> 01:16:22.560
And I'm putting some things on there like,

1608
01:16:22.560 --> 01:16:26.280
I want someone who, and I put three things about women

1609
01:16:26.280 --> 01:16:28.480
that I took advice from the resume.

1610
01:16:28.480 --> 01:16:30.920
And then, let's talk about that's

1611
01:16:30.920 --> 01:16:33.560
my ordinary dialogue that I use.

1612
01:16:33.560 --> 01:16:35.560
And then I have this thing at the end that says,

1613
01:16:35.560 --> 01:16:37.720
you should not go out with me if,

1614
01:16:37.720 --> 01:16:39.840
and I assume this is me establishing boundaries,

1615
01:16:39.840 --> 01:16:42.600
like, you continue to hang out and connect with your ex.

1616
01:16:42.600 --> 01:16:44.880
Refusal to meet my family or peers

1617
01:16:44.880 --> 01:16:46.440
at the moment or last minute.

1618
01:16:46.440 --> 01:16:48.880
Refusal to be vulnerable and have any connection.

1619
01:16:48.880 --> 01:16:51.600
And refuse to be into pursuing me.

1620
01:16:51.600 --> 01:16:53.040
And I'm doing it on the initiative

1621
01:16:53.040 --> 01:16:56.080
because I will stop pursuing.

1622
01:16:56.080 --> 01:16:56.960
Wait, say that again.

1623
01:16:56.960 --> 01:16:58.240
So what's your question?

1624
01:16:58.240 --> 01:17:00.720
So is saying you should not go out with me

1625
01:17:00.720 --> 01:17:04.120
is establishing boundaries?

1626
01:17:04.120 --> 01:17:05.840
Wait, I'm sorry.

1627
01:17:05.840 --> 01:17:08.400
I'm still confused on your question.

1628
01:17:08.400 --> 01:17:12.320
Am I establishing boundaries with when I put this in,

1629
01:17:12.320 --> 01:17:14.040
you should not go out with me if?

1630
01:17:14.040 --> 01:17:15.520
Well, I don't like that.

1631
01:17:15.520 --> 01:17:18.360
I don't like that wording at all, Hunter.

1632
01:17:18.360 --> 01:17:19.920
I don't like that wording at all.

1633
01:17:19.920 --> 01:17:23.320
I want you to only put wording of what you're for

1634
01:17:23.320 --> 01:17:24.840
and what you want.

1635
01:17:24.840 --> 01:17:27.080
I am looking for this.

1636
01:17:27.080 --> 01:17:29.160
I am looking for that.

1637
01:17:29.160 --> 01:17:31.160
I want to date somebody in real life.

1638
01:17:31.160 --> 01:17:33.360
Like I didn't say, don't contact me

1639
01:17:33.360 --> 01:17:34.880
if you're not willing to meet me in real life.

1640
01:17:34.880 --> 01:17:39.000
I just said, I am on here to date in real life.

1641
01:17:40.280 --> 01:17:42.880
So you want to make sure your post sounds positive,

1642
01:17:42.880 --> 01:17:46.320
what you want, and then you kind of leave it be.

1643
01:17:46.320 --> 01:17:47.160
All right.

1644
01:17:47.160 --> 01:17:48.000
And then what about,

1645
01:17:48.000 --> 01:17:50.400
let's talk about where areas are you from and raised.

1646
01:17:50.400 --> 01:17:52.040
Tell me about your family.

1647
01:17:52.040 --> 01:17:56.800
When was the decision you made to come to Christ?

1648
01:17:56.800 --> 01:17:58.520
And what's the next on your bucket list?

1649
01:17:58.520 --> 01:18:01.160
Is that a good one or no, I need to improve.

1650
01:18:03.760 --> 01:18:05.360
We're getting really specific here.

1651
01:18:05.360 --> 01:18:07.520
So this might be better for the men's page

1652
01:18:07.520 --> 01:18:11.520
or the men's night, but I think that's a fine question.

1653
01:18:11.520 --> 01:18:14.400
Again, all you're trying to do, remember,

1654
01:18:14.400 --> 01:18:17.080
on your profile is to get their interest

1655
01:18:17.080 --> 01:18:18.960
and have a conversation with you.

1656
01:18:18.960 --> 01:18:21.600
And all you want to do is text a little bit

1657
01:18:21.600 --> 01:18:24.340
of information to get to a video call.

1658
01:18:24.340 --> 01:18:27.300
So I'm not a fan of like those really fun,

1659
01:18:27.300 --> 01:18:28.920
like, you know, those questions like that,

1660
01:18:28.920 --> 01:18:31.240
like I ask on a single spotlight,

1661
01:18:31.240 --> 01:18:33.340
those are good for live conversations.

1662
01:18:33.340 --> 01:18:37.060
I don't like those kind of ethereal questions for texting.

1663
01:18:37.960 --> 01:18:40.840
I just feel like those make great conversation starters

1664
01:18:40.840 --> 01:18:41.860
when you're live.

1665
01:18:41.860 --> 01:18:44.960
So you just want to get the basics out.

1666
01:18:45.400 --> 01:18:50.400
All right, Nitin, you're up.

1667
01:18:51.800 --> 01:18:54.000
Hey, Renee, how are you?

1668
01:18:55.760 --> 01:18:56.600
How are you, buddy?

1669
01:18:56.600 --> 01:18:58.800
I haven't seen you in forever.

1670
01:18:58.800 --> 01:19:00.920
I've been busy with work.

1671
01:19:00.920 --> 01:19:05.920
Okay, Renee, a quick, I'll keep my questions short.

1672
01:19:06.200 --> 01:19:10.280
So I'm a part of a spirit-filled Facebook group, right?

1673
01:19:10.280 --> 01:19:13.840
And I had the pleasure to talk to a couple of ladies

1674
01:19:13.840 --> 01:19:15.600
and within a few conversations,

1675
01:19:15.600 --> 01:19:20.000
we knew that this is like the distance or family situations

1676
01:19:20.000 --> 01:19:21.920
that is not going to work out.

1677
01:19:21.920 --> 01:19:25.680
But at other times I have reached out to ladies

1678
01:19:25.680 --> 01:19:29.000
just to, you know, get to know them, right?

1679
01:19:29.000 --> 01:19:30.720
And no response.

1680
01:19:30.720 --> 01:19:35.600
So when a lady ghosts you or doesn't respond to you,

1681
01:19:36.520 --> 01:19:38.500
how should I take that?

1682
01:19:38.500 --> 01:19:39.340
Move on?

1683
01:19:39.340 --> 01:19:42.720
Remember what I said way back to the front of the hour,

1684
01:19:42.760 --> 01:19:44.640
which is don't take it personal.

1685
01:19:44.640 --> 01:19:46.080
I will say this.

1686
01:19:46.080 --> 01:19:49.840
Here's what I can say to the ladies in this community.

1687
01:19:49.840 --> 01:19:52.000
And I'll say this to the men too.

1688
01:19:52.000 --> 01:19:54.060
We are in community together, right?

1689
01:19:54.060 --> 01:19:58.400
And it's awkward and it's a little more uncomfortable

1690
01:19:58.400 --> 01:20:00.240
to have us drop the hankies.

1691
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.280
to you and you guys not respond.

1692
01:20:02.280 --> 01:20:06.080
Because then when we see you on the videos here, we're like, oh my gosh, so and so is

1693
01:20:06.080 --> 01:20:07.080
on here.

1694
01:20:07.080 --> 01:20:11.160
He like totally ghosted me from my like little dropping of the hanky thing.

1695
01:20:11.160 --> 01:20:18.160
So I would say, could we at least consider the courtesy to say, thank you so much for

1696
01:20:18.160 --> 01:20:19.200
reaching out.

1697
01:20:19.200 --> 01:20:22.080
I don't think we're a match right now.

1698
01:20:22.080 --> 01:20:25.480
That would be my thing I'm going to ask the men and the women in this community to do,

1699
01:20:25.480 --> 01:20:30.120
is if somebody from this community says to you, hey, I just saw you on the dating call

1700
01:20:30.120 --> 01:20:31.120
with Renee.

1701
01:20:31.120 --> 01:20:33.320
I, you know, I don't really know anything about you.

1702
01:20:33.320 --> 01:20:34.320
You just caught my eye.

1703
01:20:34.320 --> 01:20:35.880
I would love to have a conversation.

1704
01:20:35.880 --> 01:20:37.720
Are you open to that?

1705
01:20:37.720 --> 01:20:42.880
Now I will say this, I gave every guy a chance in this community that had the guts to do

1706
01:20:42.880 --> 01:20:43.880
that with me.

1707
01:20:43.880 --> 01:20:45.480
Cause I'm like, wow, that's a pretty brave thing to do.

1708
01:20:45.480 --> 01:20:46.720
I lead the classes.

1709
01:20:46.720 --> 01:20:48.440
That was a probably a hard thing to do.

1710
01:20:48.440 --> 01:20:51.280
I personally gave every guy in this community a chance.

1711
01:20:51.280 --> 01:20:54.560
Like I gave them a 10 minute phone call, like something.

1712
01:20:54.640 --> 01:20:57.520
But if you're like, oh my gosh, Renee, if I gave everybody a phone call, I would never

1713
01:20:57.520 --> 01:20:58.520
get anything done.

1714
01:20:58.520 --> 01:21:00.800
If you're getting hundreds of DMS, okay, fine.

1715
01:21:00.800 --> 01:21:06.360
So maybe you can't, the very least you can do is reply back and say like, hey, I really

1716
01:21:06.360 --> 01:21:07.480
appreciate you.

1717
01:21:07.480 --> 01:21:08.480
Like leave them better.

1718
01:21:08.480 --> 01:21:12.480
You know, that's when Jackie's a whole leave them better when they found them matters here.

1719
01:21:12.480 --> 01:21:13.480
Like, hey, you know what?

1720
01:21:13.480 --> 01:21:14.880
We're in this community together.

1721
01:21:14.880 --> 01:21:16.400
I want to give you a thumbs up.

1722
01:21:16.400 --> 01:21:17.720
Thank you so much for reaching out.

1723
01:21:17.720 --> 01:21:19.800
That was so sweet of you.

1724
01:21:19.800 --> 01:21:24.240
I really don't think that we're a good fit or the distance looks too much, or I just,

1725
01:21:24.920 --> 01:21:27.440
I just don't think we're a fit or I really, I don't have time for that.

1726
01:21:27.440 --> 01:21:30.600
At least they know you, they saw it and you actually said no.

1727
01:21:30.600 --> 01:21:35.680
But other than that is the rule of thumb and, and you know, like the whole message requests

1728
01:21:35.680 --> 01:21:39.180
and the DMS, like you guys, sometimes I don't even see those right away because they go

1729
01:21:39.180 --> 01:21:42.260
to a different section of your DM.

1730
01:21:42.260 --> 01:21:47.760
And so, so be paying attention to this after you guys do a co-ed session with last year

1731
01:21:47.760 --> 01:21:50.680
single check that section of your DM.

1732
01:21:50.680 --> 01:21:55.320
See if somebody has left you a message that doesn't show up in your regular section.

1733
01:21:55.320 --> 01:21:58.440
Try to not ghost them, try to at least give them a response back.

1734
01:21:58.440 --> 01:21:59.440
But that's the rule.

1735
01:21:59.440 --> 01:22:04.680
You guys, if we drop the hanky and they don't respond, it's not personal.

1736
01:22:04.680 --> 01:22:07.120
It feels personal, but it's not personal.

1737
01:22:07.120 --> 01:22:10.240
What was your other question?

1738
01:22:10.240 --> 01:22:11.760
Thank you, Renee.

1739
01:22:11.760 --> 01:22:13.280
No, last question.

1740
01:22:13.280 --> 01:22:19.600
Renee, I have, I generally, when I get on the calls, I see the ladies, the interaction

1741
01:22:19.600 --> 01:22:20.920
and everything.

1742
01:22:20.920 --> 01:22:27.480
If I'm interested, I generally reach out to the, via Facebook profile, send a message

1743
01:22:27.480 --> 01:22:32.240
and then add, add friend requests so that it doesn't end in their spam folder, because

1744
01:22:32.240 --> 01:22:33.240
that's the rule of thumb.

1745
01:22:33.240 --> 01:22:36.040
Otherwise they would, nobody knows if it's in the spam folder.

1746
01:22:36.040 --> 01:22:41.920
No, I have done that, but I've, in some of the cases I have not got, got a response.

1747
01:22:41.920 --> 01:22:42.920
Well, I will say this.

1748
01:22:42.920 --> 01:22:47.560
I don't, I don't accept friend requests to people that slip into my DMS, even from this

1749
01:22:47.560 --> 01:22:49.640
community right away.

1750
01:22:49.640 --> 01:22:56.320
So if you DM me and you say right off the bat, I'm in the last year single program with

1751
01:22:56.320 --> 01:23:01.560
Jackie, then people are going to know that it's you now.

1752
01:23:01.560 --> 01:23:06.520
So, and I would say this, and this is a good reminder though, Nitin, is that everybody,

1753
01:23:06.520 --> 01:23:09.260
you guys, you should be checking your spam section.

1754
01:23:09.260 --> 01:23:13.560
You should be checking your other section where it's the non-friend people after we

1755
01:23:13.560 --> 01:23:17.480
have these classes, because chances are somebody might be slipping into your DM that you're

1756
01:23:17.480 --> 01:23:18.640
not even realizing.

1757
01:23:18.640 --> 01:23:20.880
So let's all be responsible.

1758
01:23:20.880 --> 01:23:22.800
Let's check our spam periodically.

1759
01:23:22.800 --> 01:23:27.320
Let's check that other section periodically, but Nitin, don't feel offended by that.

1760
01:23:27.320 --> 01:23:31.720
Like I don't, I don't accept a lot of friend requests because for me, I'm like, I don't

1761
01:23:31.720 --> 01:23:33.240
know if I want to be your friend yet.

1762
01:23:33.240 --> 01:23:35.540
Like I haven't even decided if I want to talk to you.

1763
01:23:35.540 --> 01:23:40.260
So I know you're thinking it's going to actually help you, but it actually doesn't.

1764
01:23:40.260 --> 01:23:41.440
I could be wrong.

1765
01:23:41.440 --> 01:23:42.440
That's just my opinion.

1766
01:23:43.160 --> 01:23:44.560
Natasha, what you got?

1767
01:23:44.560 --> 01:23:45.760
Thank you, Renee.

1768
01:23:45.760 --> 01:23:46.760
You bet.

1769
01:23:47.760 --> 01:23:48.760
Hi, Renee.

1770
01:23:48.760 --> 01:23:49.760
Hi.

1771
01:23:49.760 --> 01:23:50.760
How are you?

1772
01:23:50.760 --> 01:23:51.760
I'm good.

1773
01:23:51.760 --> 01:23:52.760
How are you?

1774
01:23:52.760 --> 01:23:53.760
Good.

1775
01:23:53.760 --> 01:23:54.760
Thank you.

1776
01:23:54.760 --> 01:23:58.640
I'm just going to say something right away.

1777
01:23:58.640 --> 01:24:00.200
You have really good energy.

1778
01:24:00.200 --> 01:24:01.760
Your smile is contagious.

1779
01:24:01.760 --> 01:24:03.620
Oh, thank you.

1780
01:24:03.620 --> 01:24:05.360
Very warm in the first 10 seconds.

1781
01:24:05.360 --> 01:24:06.360
Okay, go.

1782
01:24:06.360 --> 01:24:07.360
Thank you.

1783
01:24:07.360 --> 01:24:12.040
I wish I could put that through in my online profile, which doesn't exist anymore because

1784
01:24:12.640 --> 01:24:13.640
I actually took a break.

1785
01:24:13.640 --> 01:24:16.440
I was on them for a year here in New Zealand.

1786
01:24:16.440 --> 01:24:21.320
I find it quite challenging, so I kind of took the approach after your session on dating

1787
01:24:21.320 --> 01:24:22.320
in the wild.

1788
01:24:22.320 --> 01:24:28.240
So just engaging in social events and single mingle events in the community and just getting

1789
01:24:28.240 --> 01:24:31.640
out, you know, going to like, my friend likes to go to the brewery.

1790
01:24:31.640 --> 01:24:36.280
So going out to things like that, just being out where men are in the, in the wild.

1791
01:24:36.280 --> 01:24:41.920
But now what's interesting is here in New Zealand and everyone says this, people who've

1792
01:24:41.920 --> 01:24:42.920
grown up here.

1793
01:24:42.920 --> 01:24:43.920
I haven't grown up here.

1794
01:24:43.920 --> 01:24:45.200
I've just lived here for six years.

1795
01:24:45.200 --> 01:24:47.800
I'm from Botswana originally.

1796
01:24:47.800 --> 01:24:54.720
And people keep saying, you know, Kiwi men do not go after women.

1797
01:24:54.720 --> 01:24:55.720
What kind of men?

1798
01:24:55.720 --> 01:24:56.720
Kiwi men.

1799
01:24:56.720 --> 01:24:57.720
New Zealand men.

1800
01:24:57.720 --> 01:24:58.720
Okay.

1801
01:24:58.720 --> 01:25:00.000
They don't actually typically.

1802
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.440
They don't, so you kind of have to drop the hanky quite a bit

1803
01:25:03.440 --> 01:25:05.160
because they don't, they will not approach you.

1804
01:25:05.160 --> 01:25:07.000
Even if you're out in the wild,

1805
01:25:07.000 --> 01:25:08.480
even if you're looking fabulous,

1806
01:25:08.480 --> 01:25:10.040
they're just not going to approach you.

1807
01:25:10.040 --> 01:25:13.040
You kind of need to make the first move.

1808
01:25:13.040 --> 01:25:15.240
They don't, and I really struggle with that

1809
01:25:15.240 --> 01:25:17.800
because, I mean, where I grew up-

1810
01:25:17.800 --> 01:25:19.800
Did you hear how I said that though,

1811
01:25:19.800 --> 01:25:20.880
when I did this watch?

1812
01:25:20.880 --> 01:25:22.480
I'm gonna do it for you again.

1813
01:25:22.480 --> 01:25:23.320
Okay.

1814
01:25:23.320 --> 01:25:24.160
Okay.

1815
01:25:28.880 --> 01:25:31.360
Natasha, I had such a great time talking to you.

1816
01:25:31.360 --> 01:25:34.320
I have no idea if you're even looking to date anybody,

1817
01:25:34.320 --> 01:25:36.320
but I would love to talk to you again

1818
01:25:36.320 --> 01:25:37.540
and get to know you a little bit more.

1819
01:25:37.540 --> 01:25:38.380
Here's my card.

1820
01:25:38.380 --> 01:25:39.880
It's got my cell phone and my email.

1821
01:25:39.880 --> 01:25:41.440
You might totally think I'm a psycho

1822
01:25:41.440 --> 01:25:43.500
and you might want to tear it up on the way out.

1823
01:25:43.500 --> 01:25:47.120
It is okay, but I just didn't want to lose this moment.

1824
01:25:47.120 --> 01:25:48.160
So here, take it.

1825
01:25:48.160 --> 01:25:50.340
It was so nice to meet you.

1826
01:25:50.340 --> 01:25:52.400
And then you just turn and walk away.

1827
01:25:52.400 --> 01:25:53.240
How did that feel?

1828
01:25:53.240 --> 01:25:55.320
How did that feel?

1829
01:25:55.320 --> 01:25:56.920
Did that feel offensive or creepy?

1830
01:25:56.920 --> 01:25:58.560
Did I sound desperate?

1831
01:25:58.560 --> 01:25:59.400
Not to me.

1832
01:25:59.400 --> 01:26:01.200
And I mean, I'm confident enough to do that.

1833
01:26:01.200 --> 01:26:02.860
I just, I think you could pull it off.

1834
01:26:02.860 --> 01:26:05.320
That's why I'm telling you, you could pull it off.

1835
01:26:05.320 --> 01:26:07.200
That's why you guys have to have these business cards

1836
01:26:07.200 --> 01:26:08.640
ready to go or something.

1837
01:26:08.640 --> 01:26:09.840
You have to have something to be able to,

1838
01:26:09.840 --> 01:26:12.560
like, I know this probably sounds so crazy,

1839
01:26:12.560 --> 01:26:14.600
but I don't want to leave this moment

1840
01:26:14.600 --> 01:26:16.200
because you just have really good energy

1841
01:26:16.200 --> 01:26:18.080
or like, I really liked your smile.

1842
01:26:18.080 --> 01:26:19.480
I want to continue this.

1843
01:26:19.480 --> 01:26:21.700
I want to continue this conversation.

1844
01:26:21.700 --> 01:26:23.300
I want to continue this conversation.

1845
01:26:23.300 --> 01:26:24.180
I'd love to talk to you.

1846
01:26:24.180 --> 01:26:27.140
And you guys, practice it on people of the same sex

1847
01:26:27.140 --> 01:26:28.960
if you feel like this is just so weird.

1848
01:26:28.960 --> 01:26:31.420
Like, oh my gosh, you are a girl

1849
01:26:31.420 --> 01:26:33.140
I think I want to have a glass of wine with

1850
01:26:33.140 --> 01:26:34.740
because my husband and I,

1851
01:26:34.740 --> 01:26:37.260
I started talking to some girls sitting next to us

1852
01:26:37.260 --> 01:26:40.380
at Sable Reserve, this little kind of like little distillery

1853
01:26:40.380 --> 01:26:42.980
and like her and I Facebook friended each other afterward.

1854
01:26:42.980 --> 01:26:44.620
So like, I think I want to hang out with her.

1855
01:26:44.620 --> 01:26:46.980
So it could happen with somebody

1856
01:26:46.980 --> 01:26:48.940
who's not somebody you want to date.

1857
01:26:48.940 --> 01:26:49.940
Yeah. Awesome.

1858
01:26:49.940 --> 01:26:51.660
Thank you.

1859
01:26:52.620 --> 01:26:53.460
I was awesome.

1860
01:26:53.460 --> 01:26:55.820
Okay. By the way, I'm glad you brought that up in the wild.

1861
01:26:55.820 --> 01:26:57.100
Cause I told you guys,

1862
01:26:57.100 --> 01:26:59.580
I was going to tell you where to go in the wild.

1863
01:26:59.580 --> 01:27:02.860
And I'm going to say it every time I talk to you every month

1864
01:27:02.860 --> 01:27:04.320
because I know some of you are like,

1865
01:27:04.320 --> 01:27:05.460
I don't want to meet online.

1866
01:27:05.460 --> 01:27:06.300
That's fine.

1867
01:27:06.300 --> 01:27:08.300
If you're not going to go online, you got to get out.

1868
01:27:08.300 --> 01:27:09.540
And here's where you do it.

1869
01:27:09.540 --> 01:27:12.700
Meetup.com always has meetup events.

1870
01:27:12.700 --> 01:27:15.340
Another app or another website is called

1871
01:27:15.340 --> 01:27:18.620
Events and Adventures, Event and Adventures.

1872
01:27:18.620 --> 01:27:19.740
Also a great thing.

1873
01:27:19.740 --> 01:27:22.020
Jigsaw Data, Jigsaw Dating.

1874
01:27:22.020 --> 01:27:25.980
Jigsaw Dating, I don't know how national it is,

1875
01:27:25.980 --> 01:27:28.660
but it is coming up on my Facebook feed left and right.

1876
01:27:28.660 --> 01:27:32.940
And they do a lot of mixers and speed dating

1877
01:27:32.940 --> 01:27:36.400
and they put them in age brackets.

1878
01:27:37.300 --> 01:27:39.140
It's about to be spring.

1879
01:27:39.140 --> 01:27:41.220
You can go to your local rec center

1880
01:27:41.220 --> 01:27:44.420
and join a pickup pickleball.

1881
01:27:44.420 --> 01:27:46.300
Look for events like March Madness.

1882
01:27:46.300 --> 01:27:49.560
Go to all of the sports bars during the day

1883
01:27:50.380 --> 01:27:52.600
and watch some good old fashioned basketball.

1884
01:27:52.600 --> 01:27:54.720
Go to festivals, go to street fairs,

1885
01:27:54.720 --> 01:27:58.120
go to antique shows, go to farmer's markets,

1886
01:27:58.120 --> 01:28:00.480
do swing dancing, line dancing.

1887
01:28:00.480 --> 01:28:02.860
Volunteer at Habitat for Humanity.

1888
01:28:02.860 --> 01:28:05.720
Volunteer on places that you care about.

1889
01:28:05.720 --> 01:28:08.880
Continue to tell your people that you're looking.

1890
01:28:08.880 --> 01:28:11.320
Continue to say to all your married friends,

1891
01:28:11.320 --> 01:28:14.480
never be afraid to invite me to picnics and parties

1892
01:28:15.520 --> 01:28:18.360
that you might invite other couples and single people.

1893
01:28:18.360 --> 01:28:20.640
The more people I get to meet,

1894
01:28:20.640 --> 01:28:22.800
the more I might meet somebody

1895
01:28:23.840 --> 01:28:25.880
who knows a single person for me.

1896
01:28:25.880 --> 01:28:29.240
So that's why you wanna go to your friends' parties,

1897
01:28:29.240 --> 01:28:31.360
even if you're the only single one there,

1898
01:28:31.360 --> 01:28:34.700
because you might meet a couple who's related to somebody

1899
01:28:34.700 --> 01:28:37.040
or is best friends with somebody who is single.

1900
01:28:37.040 --> 01:28:39.320
So you always wanna keep doing that.

1901
01:28:39.320 --> 01:28:42.160
So those are my suggestions on places

1902
01:28:42.160 --> 01:28:45.960
to keep meeting people out in the wild.

1903
01:28:45.960 --> 01:28:48.760
Um, okay.

1904
01:28:48.760 --> 01:28:50.840
Da, da, da, dum.

1905
01:28:50.840 --> 01:28:52.880
Is there any other question that is in the chat

1906
01:28:52.880 --> 01:28:55.460
that I missed?

1907
01:28:55.460 --> 01:28:56.960
Let's see.

1908
01:28:56.960 --> 01:28:58.760
Okay, I'm looking, looking, looking.

1909
01:28:58.760 --> 01:28:59.600
All right.

1910
01:29:04.200 --> 01:29:08.340
By the way, I'm really appreciating the kind comments

1911
01:29:08.340 --> 01:29:09.840
I'm seeing about Catholics.

1912
01:29:09.840 --> 01:29:12.400
I get very defensive of the Catholic Church

1913
01:29:12.400 --> 01:29:14.720
because some people here are super Protestant

1914
01:29:14.720 --> 01:29:17.120
and they're like, ah.

1915
01:29:17.120 --> 01:29:20.320
And so I love that y'all are like being so good about it

1916
01:29:20.320 --> 01:29:21.320
because we're all believers here.

1917
01:29:21.320 --> 01:29:23.400
We all have different denominations

1918
01:29:23.400 --> 01:29:25.860
and everyone's walk looks a little bit different.

1919
01:29:25.860 --> 01:29:28.000
And I can also say this to you guys.

1920
01:29:28.000 --> 01:29:29.600
You know, Jackie has talked about this.

1921
01:29:29.600 --> 01:29:34.600
Brian's faith is so much more flourished

1922
01:29:35.080 --> 01:29:36.480
than when we first started dating.

1923
01:29:36.480 --> 01:29:38.520
He already had a solid faith,

1924
01:29:38.520 --> 01:29:43.000
but like I'm watching him now and I'm like, oh, whoa.

1925
01:29:43.000 --> 01:29:45.180
Like, I mean, I've just been blown away

1926
01:29:45.180 --> 01:29:48.120
by how much he just needed.

1927
01:29:48.120 --> 01:29:50.880
When Jackie teaches the Divine Masculine and Feminine

1928
01:29:50.880 --> 01:29:52.960
in phase two, she talks about how women

1929
01:29:52.960 --> 01:29:54.760
are supposed to be the nurturer.

1930
01:29:54.760 --> 01:29:57.280
And she says that being a nurturer

1931
01:29:57.280 --> 01:29:59.600
is not caretaking for somebody else,

1932
01:29:59.600 --> 01:30:00.440
but it is.

1933
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.520
is providing the soil for them to grow.

1934
01:30:03.520 --> 01:30:05.520
And so, ladies, sometimes we just need

1935
01:30:05.520 --> 01:30:07.640
to provide the soil for them to grow.

1936
01:30:07.640 --> 01:30:08.520
Men, same thing.

1937
01:30:08.520 --> 01:30:11.000
You just need to provide the soil for them to grow,

1938
01:30:11.000 --> 01:30:12.760
whether it's growing in their faith,

1939
01:30:12.760 --> 01:30:14.880
growing in them eating healthier,

1940
01:30:14.880 --> 01:30:17.320
and exercising, whatever it may be.

1941
01:30:19.400 --> 01:30:23.000
Ew, I love, I love all the stuff I'm seeing in here.

1942
01:30:23.000 --> 01:30:24.760
Any other final questions and thoughts?

1943
01:30:24.760 --> 01:30:27.000
Like, I want, and so, just so you guys remember

1944
01:30:27.000 --> 01:30:28.680
how it goes now for phase three.

1945
01:30:28.680 --> 01:30:31.360
At the top of the month, Jackie's always gonna do

1946
01:30:31.360 --> 01:30:32.760
her love seats.

1947
01:30:32.760 --> 01:30:35.320
She's gonna always bring fire and talk about

1948
01:30:35.320 --> 01:30:36.880
whatever the heck is on her mind.

1949
01:30:36.880 --> 01:30:39.200
And you can ask her any question about anything.

1950
01:30:39.200 --> 01:30:41.400
It doesn't have to be about dating.

1951
01:30:41.400 --> 01:30:45.400
The next week, Bethany's always gonna do advanced heart work

1952
01:30:45.400 --> 01:30:47.520
as it relates to anything that might be hurting

1953
01:30:47.520 --> 01:30:49.800
any of your kind of relationships,

1954
01:30:49.800 --> 01:30:52.200
whether it's a romantic relationship or a family.

1955
01:30:52.200 --> 01:30:55.960
And then mine's always gonna be billed as online dating.

1956
01:30:56.000 --> 01:30:58.880
But don't think you can't ask other questions

1957
01:30:58.880 --> 01:31:00.160
about dating here.

1958
01:31:01.240 --> 01:31:04.400
I'm really the person helping you get those early dates.

1959
01:31:04.400 --> 01:31:05.880
That's what I feel like I want you to know.

1960
01:31:05.880 --> 01:31:08.120
I'm here to help get those early dates for you.

1961
01:31:08.120 --> 01:31:11.360
So like, if you've not been out dating in a long time,

1962
01:31:11.360 --> 01:31:13.520
or you think there are not godly people out there,

1963
01:31:13.520 --> 01:31:15.080
I'm here to tell you there are.

1964
01:31:17.600 --> 01:31:18.800
And all that good stuff.

1965
01:31:18.800 --> 01:31:21.440
Okay, David, do you have another quick question for us?

1966
01:31:21.440 --> 01:31:23.320
Oh, I keep seeing people say,

1967
01:31:23.760 --> 01:31:25.560
a card, like a bit,

1968
01:31:25.560 --> 01:31:27.480
are you talking about a business card for your job

1969
01:31:27.480 --> 01:31:28.520
or for dating?

1970
01:31:28.520 --> 01:31:30.240
No, you can, not a dating card,

1971
01:31:30.240 --> 01:31:31.960
but you can have it be a social card.

1972
01:31:31.960 --> 01:31:33.840
Haven't you ever like, I mean,

1973
01:31:33.840 --> 01:31:35.760
it could be like just your name

1974
01:31:35.760 --> 01:31:39.200
and it can like have a verse that you like on it.

1975
01:31:39.200 --> 01:31:41.520
It could show all the sports that you're interested in.

1976
01:31:41.520 --> 01:31:43.720
Like David, like, I don't know what you do for a living,

1977
01:31:43.720 --> 01:31:46.880
but a lot of times people just have a card available

1978
01:31:46.880 --> 01:31:48.200
because they're networking.

1979
01:31:48.200 --> 01:31:49.120
Like, you know what I'm saying?

1980
01:31:49.120 --> 01:31:51.480
Like, I have a coaching card

1981
01:31:51.480 --> 01:31:53.520
that's for my coaching business,

1982
01:31:53.520 --> 01:31:55.720
but I like having them in my purse

1983
01:31:55.720 --> 01:31:57.200
because I never know, like,

1984
01:31:57.200 --> 01:31:58.720
I've literally met somebody, I'm like,

1985
01:31:58.720 --> 01:32:01.440
oh my gosh, I wanna go hiking with you.

1986
01:32:01.440 --> 01:32:03.800
Like, I've literally run into somebody at Trader Joe's.

1987
01:32:03.800 --> 01:32:06.000
I'm like, oh my gosh, I wanna be in that hiking group.

1988
01:32:06.000 --> 01:32:07.680
And I'm like, here's my business card,

1989
01:32:07.680 --> 01:32:08.720
which makes no sense,

1990
01:32:08.720 --> 01:32:11.040
but it's what's got my phone number on it, you know?

1991
01:32:11.040 --> 01:32:14.840
So I just have something to give them,

1992
01:32:14.840 --> 01:32:17.840
as opposed for me, no, you might be like,

1993
01:32:17.840 --> 01:32:19.920
cause you might wanna take the step of going,

1994
01:32:19.920 --> 01:32:21.040
well, tell me your phone number,

1995
01:32:21.600 --> 01:32:22.920
but then that feels a little weirder, right?

1996
01:32:22.920 --> 01:32:24.640
Like, cause somebody might go like,

1997
01:32:24.640 --> 01:32:26.240
I don't know if I wanna give you my phone number,

1998
01:32:26.240 --> 01:32:31.240
but if I'm doing a leave behind, then it feels less weird.

1999
01:32:31.280 --> 01:32:32.840
So it's just a suggestion.

2000
01:32:32.840 --> 01:32:34.280
I'm just throwing out ideas.

2001
01:32:34.280 --> 01:32:36.480
Not all of these ideas might work for you.

2002
01:32:36.480 --> 01:32:37.880
Some of these ideas that you might feel like

2003
01:32:37.880 --> 01:32:38.720
there's no way in heck,

2004
01:32:38.720 --> 01:32:40.680
I'm ever gonna hand out a business card.

2005
01:32:41.800 --> 01:32:44.320
But the card has your phone number on it anyway, right?

2006
01:32:44.320 --> 01:32:45.160
It does.

2007
01:32:45.160 --> 01:32:46.640
Here's, okay, some of you are like,

2008
01:32:46.640 --> 01:32:48.440
I don't want everybody to have my phone number.

2009
01:32:48.440 --> 01:32:50.400
I've got, you can have a Google number on there.

2010
01:32:50.440 --> 01:32:51.600
Here's what I didn't,

2011
01:32:51.600 --> 01:32:54.560
I realized it didn't matter that my cell phone was on there

2012
01:32:54.560 --> 01:32:56.680
because I ran a nonprofit for 20 years.

2013
01:32:56.680 --> 01:32:59.160
My cell phone was on that business card.

2014
01:32:59.160 --> 01:33:01.400
My cell phone, my business card is probably

2015
01:33:01.400 --> 01:33:04.200
in a thousand churches in the bathroom

2016
01:33:04.200 --> 01:33:06.120
with my stinking cell phone number on it.

2017
01:33:06.120 --> 01:33:09.240
So my business, my cell phone is out there.

2018
01:33:09.240 --> 01:33:11.640
It is out there for the world to see.

2019
01:33:11.640 --> 01:33:13.120
So I realized, once I realized that,

2020
01:33:13.120 --> 01:33:15.320
I'm like, Renee, you're hoarding your cell phone number.

2021
01:33:15.320 --> 01:33:17.840
Like it actually makes a difference.

2022
01:33:17.840 --> 01:33:21.000
You are Googleable and people can get to you

2023
01:33:21.000 --> 01:33:22.920
and your address faster than you realize.

2024
01:33:22.920 --> 01:33:25.600
So for me, it's just my real cell phone number.

2025
01:33:25.600 --> 01:33:27.720
Plenty of people here get a Google voice number

2026
01:33:27.720 --> 01:33:30.200
to use in there.

2027
01:33:30.200 --> 01:33:31.440
Okay.

2028
01:33:31.440 --> 01:33:32.880
Oh yeah, starting in April,

2029
01:33:32.880 --> 01:33:36.560
Jackie said she wants everybody coming camera ready

2030
01:33:36.560 --> 01:33:37.400
on camera.

2031
01:33:37.400 --> 01:33:39.560
Now I know some of you are coming from the office

2032
01:33:39.560 --> 01:33:41.840
or whatever, and you're not gonna be in there.

2033
01:33:41.840 --> 01:33:43.680
Lydia, great lighting, by the way.

2034
01:33:43.680 --> 01:33:45.080
Lydia Campbell, I said to tell you,

2035
01:33:45.080 --> 01:33:46.320
really great lighting girl.

2036
01:33:46.320 --> 01:33:47.640
The light is shining on you.

2037
01:33:48.440 --> 01:33:49.280
You're looking good.

2038
01:33:49.280 --> 01:33:51.320
I just have to say, cause you came right in my screen.

2039
01:33:51.320 --> 01:33:53.440
And so you popped out it to me.

2040
01:33:53.440 --> 01:33:55.760
And so take a look at yourself, you guys.

2041
01:33:55.760 --> 01:33:58.760
See if you see shadow kind of hiding your face or not.

2042
01:33:58.760 --> 01:34:00.720
See if you see like, you wanna make sure like,

2043
01:34:00.720 --> 01:34:03.580
and if you have a very neutral background,

2044
01:34:03.580 --> 01:34:06.160
like some of you are showing very blah, blah, blah

2045
01:34:06.160 --> 01:34:08.280
backgrounds, then make sure your outfit

2046
01:34:08.280 --> 01:34:11.600
and or something's got some pizzazz on it.

2047
01:34:11.600 --> 01:34:13.040
Cause you wanna make sure you pop out.

2048
01:34:13.040 --> 01:34:13.880
All right.

2049
01:34:13.880 --> 01:34:17.040
It is 8.37, I went, or 8.35, I went way too long.

2050
01:34:17.400 --> 01:34:20.160
So I'm gonna close us out in prayer.

2051
01:34:20.160 --> 01:34:21.280
It was so fun being with you all.

2052
01:34:21.280 --> 01:34:22.160
We'll be here every month.

2053
01:34:22.160 --> 01:34:23.160
It's all good.

2054
01:34:23.160 --> 01:34:24.720
All right, Father God, we just thank you so much

2055
01:34:24.720 --> 01:34:26.040
for each and every single person here.

2056
01:34:26.040 --> 01:34:28.640
We know that you are writing everybody's love story.

2057
01:34:28.640 --> 01:34:32.000
We know that everybody has intrinsic value and worth.

2058
01:34:32.000 --> 01:34:34.000
Everybody is an heir to the kingdom.

2059
01:34:34.000 --> 01:34:36.920
And so Father God, you want to give good gifts

2060
01:34:36.920 --> 01:34:39.720
to your sons and daughters, and you want us to be

2061
01:34:39.720 --> 01:34:42.600
in healthy, happy, holy relationships.

2062
01:34:42.600 --> 01:34:45.600
And so Father God, I just ask that tonight be

2063
01:34:45.600 --> 01:34:47.440
that whatever they're supposed to remember

2064
01:34:47.440 --> 01:34:48.560
and glean that they remember,

2065
01:34:48.560 --> 01:34:50.360
and whatever that is not of you,

2066
01:34:50.360 --> 01:34:52.160
Father God, they just forget.

2067
01:34:52.160 --> 01:34:53.960
And so we just thank you for this community.

2068
01:34:53.960 --> 01:34:55.680
We thank you for Jackie and David,

2069
01:34:55.680 --> 01:34:58.000
and we lift all of this up in the precious name of Jesus.

2070
01:34:58.000 --> 01:34:58.840
Amen.

2071
01:34:58.840 --> 01:35:00.600
All right, you guys, it was so fun.

2072
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:01.200
being with you tonight.