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Hello, welcome. Good evening. Hi, everyone. Welcome for another session of heart work.

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My name is Bethany Cooper. If you haven't met me before, I think I recognize most of

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your names. I think y'all know me by now. I'll welcome more people as they come on.

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Housekeeping items tonight. Some of y'all have heard this before and I have loved seeing

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there was a couple people that have been in the community for a while and they did their

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introduction post in the last few days. Y'all, these really matter because there's a level

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of like, hey, I'm stepping out of just being here. Even if you come to the lives, like

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Catherine posted a picture of her and her son and what led her to move to where she's

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at. And these are just beautiful things that people like, there's just something about

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learning those aspects about you all in this community. So introduction posts for all

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of you, try to do those. If you've already done one before, I'm not saying you have to

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do one again, but this is for anyone that even if you've been in here for weeks, months,

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some of y'all have been in here a long time and never done an introduction post, please

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do that. You want to do like use a picture of yourself that you like, something that

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you feel confident about. Share a couple things about yourself, maybe some things you love

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to do as well, what led you to this community. Anything at all is a win. Okay. So some of

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y'all may feel led to share a little bit more. Some of you might be nervous, but either way,

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doing the post and activating again, that coming out of hiding and being seen, known

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and loved in this community is a huge step. And that is a win. If you create a post, just

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keep in mind to keep that up. Don't get nervous and delete it because the team hasn't responded

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yet. We typically respond within a good time frame. But just know like some people will

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post something, especially when it's Repentance and Confession Week and Forgiveness. It happens

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all the time. But especially on those weeks, people will post things about like what God

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is leading them to process and then they get nervous and they take them down. So I try

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to always remind you all every couple weeks, don't buy into that because you're safe here

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and we're going to love you. We just might not have seen it yet. Or we might even be

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processing what to respond because, you know, I don't know if you all know this, but we're

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not machines. And so sometimes even some of the dreams that you all put in, we need to

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pray through that and really ask the Lord, like what is He saying to us? And so just

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again, don't buy into anything the enemy's lying to you about. Not that that's even happened.

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Again, this is just something every couple weeks I kind of filter back into our housekeeping

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items. Supernatural Saturday from this Saturday. Ready or not, here I come. If you didn't hear

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it yet, definitely check that out. Jackie shared, you know, several different things,

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but you know, what does it look like for us that when God is like the seeker and we're

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the ones that not are hiding to never be found, but we want to be found. And not only that,

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but we jump out and we're like, here I am. Yes, I know some of us feel like we do that.

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But the way we live our lives actually says the opposite. It's actually telling a different

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story. And so if you are someone that you just really don't feel that excited about

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life, you don't feel excited about God finding you, there's probably something to that. Okay,

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so that would be a revealing for healing and something I would encourage you to press into

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with the Lord. But definitely check that out. There's so much more to what she shared on

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Supernatural Saturday connected to that. I want to let you all know, you know, again, like we

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really take the healing process like that's a huge priority. But if you all cannot catch the lives for

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Supernatural Saturday that you would free to carve that time at some point in your week,

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it's going to be a game changer. And this isn't just me telling you to show up. This is me telling

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you what works for me. When I was in the heartwork, you all, I just kept showing up. I showed up to as

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many things as I could. I didn't get religious about it. We're not going to get mad if you're

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not there. None of that. Okay, we actually have people that have thought that like that they would

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literally message me and say, Hey, just so you know, this is why I'm not going to be there. And

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they would feel like they had to tell us y'all don't have to do that. Okay? This is your journey,

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you get to own it however you want to. But what I am telling you is that what worked for me

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was that like I went to as many prayer calls as I could. And some days even when I was working,

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I would just listen in and I would like type something in the prayer chat, because I couldn't

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talk. But like my written prayers were powerful to and my presence there was powerful to coming

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to the live sessions like this.

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this coming to Supernatural Saturday. Again, like anything that you can do, this isn't

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a religious thing, but I just want you guys to know it's going to make a difference. It's

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going to help accelerate your healing. You'll be so shocked at how many different things

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that God will connect for you in this process. And for me, I read the book, you know, more

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than once. I listened to Soul Tide, like so many of the videos, like after I did the course

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and I would just like take the time to process, sometimes I would just put this stuff on when

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I would be driving. Just like, instead of like listening to music, just to continue

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to get that to absorb into my spirit and my soul further and further and the truth. Like,

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there were times that I was getting revelation driving to work. Back in that time I was driving

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to work. I wasn't working from home all the time, but I just want you to know it's going

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to be worth it. I put in the little notification thing tonight. What came up in my spirit is

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the reminder of what we put into it is what we're going to get out of it. Okay? And that's

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not a shame statement. Some of you all are fighting massive distraction. The enemy is

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going to do everything he can to try to keep you from finishing this course and staying

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in this game, if you will. And so, stay in it. Okay? Stay in it to win it and you will

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not regret it. Okay? Let me pray for us. Father, thank you so much for this night. God, I thank

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you for the revealings for healing that are already happening. God, I thank you for expectation

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to enter the room. We thank you, God, that you are the God of insanities. We thank you

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that you would bring revelation and insight where there's been questions, where people

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have felt stuck, where they haven't understood why things are not changing. God, I thank

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you that you are the healer. You are the great physician. Nothing is too hard for you.

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You are the one that created the heaven and the earth. God, you put every form in its

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place. God, I thank you that you are the one that's going to give revelation. You're going

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to bring insight. You're going to bring supernatural transformation and healing. God, we thank

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you. We surrender the pen to you completely tonight. We ask you to bring things out of

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darkness into the light so that there can be revealing for healing. Yes, Lord, the things

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that are unknown, let them become known. Things that have been stuffed down and pushed

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down for years, God, that we don't even remember that happened. But God, there are things that

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are still tripping us up in the physical realm today. God, we're asking you to come in and

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gently not expose those, but to reveal those. God, you're not a God of exposure. You're

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a God of revealing. You're a God of unveiling so that we can see with greater revelation,

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greater perspective. And we just thank you in advance for that tonight. Holy Spirit,

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come and have your way. In Jesus name. Amen. Amen. So tonight we're talking about forgiveness.

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It's going to be a powerful night. I'm hoping that you will take notes, that you will jot

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things down as they come in your spirit. And I hope that you do that in every session that

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you come to. You can always go back and re-listen to it later to absorb it more, but there's

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going to be times where you are going to hear something and you're going to have a memory

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drop in your mind or your spirit. You're going to have, some of you won't even know it's

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a memory. You'll just have a fleeting thought. And I want you to capture those as much as

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you can in this, not just tonight, but throughout your whole heart work process. Here's why.

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Some of you are going to have this little inkling thought, and you're going to like

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feel like, did that, did that actually happen? Or am I making that up in my mind? And what's

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happening is that there are things that some of you, as I prayed have long forgotten, things

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that you went through that because of survival mode, what happens is we, you know,

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subconsciously push that stuff down and we just keep going. But that stuff is still in

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there. If it's not been healed, if it's not been processed, it's still underneath the

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surface. And at some point, you know, that stuff percolates to the top, it explodes to

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the top, or it stays underneath of there. And it keeps getting us hung up every time

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we try to move forward. And so I try to like, encourage you all to write down thoughts,

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don't ever diminish something that you have a thought or like, you know, this one

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time, um, gosh, it's been a while back now, this one lady in the group, she kept having

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a memory about the playground with kids and some stuff that happened on the playground.

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And she couldn't really connect the dots at that point. But she came in the group and

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posted about it. You know, we gave her some feedback, prayed with her, told her that we

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would continue to pray. You all throughout the next two weeks, what happened is that

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that that was the initial thread, if you will. And God, as she prayed into that

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situation, it actually connected to two other

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really big events in her life, including something that happened with her uncle and just things

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that he said to her that were very like big put downs and really like this was someone

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she looked up to when she was younger. And see, this is how it works, right? There's

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layers upon layers upon layers. So some of you are wondering why, you know, I've worked

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through this before. Why am I still struggling with this? Well, it's because healing happens

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in layers and so does forgiveness. Tonight we're talking about forgiveness. Some of you

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all have forgiven people before and you're going to have memories come up regarding them

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and some of them will be things that you already have forgiven. Here's the thing that I tried

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to encourage everyone to think about. When you have a memory pop up in this process,

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even if you've thought of it before, processed it before, you've done the work, I just want

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you to ask the Lord, is there something new that you're trying to show me about this?

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Is there something new that you're trying to show me about this? I feel the Holy Spirit

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on this. We get frustrated with ourselves and we turn inward and we put ourselves down

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like we didn't forgive right. We didn't do it right. We didn't do it enough. And that

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is not true. Forgiveness is a choice. We choose to forgive. And when we choose to forgive,

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it's an obedience, an act of obedience. Sometimes we're going to feel a big release and sometimes

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we're not. But that doesn't negate your choice to forgive. And that doesn't mean that it

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won't come back up again. Because there's probably another piece of that that God is

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trying to show you something about. Now, I will also bring the balance to this. Sometimes

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the enemy just tries to come at us and convince us that what we've done didn't work. He's

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all about shame, guilt, and condemnation. If you have shame, guilt, and condemnation

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always hovering around you and over you, y'all, that's the enemy. That's not the Father. And

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the enemy is trying to convince you that you're never enough and that what you're doing is

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never enough. That's kind of one of his big games. You're not enough, you're too much.

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It's like back and forth, like a ping pong game. And that's underlying for a lot of people.

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And so, I want you to think about this quote as well. This is from the Heart Work book,

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but it is a quote by Martin Luther King Jr. And this is what it says.

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We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power

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to forgive is devoid of the power to love. I want you to think about that. I know that,

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you know, we run in the circle of the church, most of us, and we know about love, right?

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We're taught, like, left and right, God is love. God is love. Yes, we know God is love.

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I'm supposed to love. I'm a Christian. I'm supposed to... But we, sometimes, we're always

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kind of on the go, that we're not allowing it to really sink in, that if we have hatred for

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another person, then love does not exist in us. I understand some of you, just like myself,

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have gone through terrible things at the hands of other people. But God, as we're going to learn

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tonight, calls us to forgive, because we are forgiven. When we start weighing, like, scales,

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people's sin, and deciding that their sin is worse than our sin, it's a dangerous game,

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and it's a slippery slope, y'all. We cannot, we cannot, because you know what? To God,

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it's all the same. And I know it's hard for us to wrap our brain around sometimes,

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at least it is for me. I'll claim it for myself. It's hard for me to think that somebody

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overeating and being gluttonous is the same as someone molesting a child. But in the world

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of sin, it is the same. Sin is sin. We, in this world, are the ones who try to decide

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what is worse than another. God is asking us to cleanse our hearts and become holy as

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He is holy, period. And to become holy as He is holy means that we let go of things

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that would weigh us down, that clog us up, that, you know, don't allow the flow of the

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river of the Holy Spirit to freely flow through us. And I want to point out that, you know,

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that first part there, we must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. I want you

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to be thinking about the word capacity throughout the heartwork and in the days ahead. You know,

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people come into our program all the time for healing. Some don't come in for a relationship.

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Some just want to get healed. A lot of people come in because they believe that God

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has a spirit mate for them. But do you know how many times people will tell us that they don't

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have time to date? That doesn't go together you all. So I'm going to encourage you in the heart

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work. The enemy is going to try to convince you that you don't have time to do the heart work.

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I want to encourage you to allow God to increase your capacity.

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Your capacity is to heal. Your capacity to forgive. Your capacity to love yourself and

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love other people the way God truly intended. This is a time for expansion within you.

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And that's going to happen the more that you heal and the more that think about it.

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There's a scripture in the Bible that says, you know, when the enemy gets cast out,

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he goes to and fro and he comes back and he tries to find out if that house is

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like, did something else fill that house? Or is that house empty and can I come back in?

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I mean, the Bible talks about this stuff. So we got to cleanse. We got to cleanse and get

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the stuff out that doesn't belong. But we need to be filled afresh with the Holy Spirit

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and allow those places to be filled with new and amazing things. Okay. Forgiveness along with

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repentance and confession is the only thing that has the power to put you back in touch with your

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authentic identity. Remember that your authentic identity is who you were originally. Who God

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created you to be before wounds, trauma, or any of that stuff ever entered your life. That is your

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authentic identity. That's who God has called you to be. That's what he's trying to get us all to

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like get back to those a little bit step further closer to that place each and every day.

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Forgiveness is what actually breaks the tethers. So if you think about it,

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I want you to think and imagine right now with me at a hot air balloon. Okay. And this hot air balloon

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has not lifted off yet. It has all of the ropes holding it down to the ground. I don't know if

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you guys have ever seen that hot air balloon lift off. They're all tied down to the ground

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until it starts to get closer to lift off time. And then they start to remove the tethers that

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are holding it to the ground. And I want you to imagine yourself as that hot air balloon.

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That God is trying to heal you and cleanse you and remove all the tethers and all the things

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that are holding you down, holding you back so that you can rise, so that you can soar,

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so that you can, hey, let's just talk about feel free in the day to day.

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That there's a new lightness about you, that there's people are going to start to say,

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man, what's going on with you? You look different. You're like glowing.

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This is the stuff that God wants to do in us. I love to tell the story of also when I was in

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elementary school, I used to play tetherball. I don't know if anybody else in here has ever played

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tetherball, but you know, there's the pole on the playground and then the rope that's connected to

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the pole and then the ball's connected to the rope. Well, that ball, like kids we used to play

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kids, we just stood around and we would hit the ball back and forth to each other.

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And that ball would stay connected to the rope and the pole until somebody disconnected it from

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there. Same kind of concept as the hot air balloon. It's tethered to it. It's stuck to it.

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It's not going anywhere until somebody disconnects the rope from the pole or the ropes from the

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ground. I want you to understand that forgiveness, when we forgive other people, we are releasing

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them. But here's the reality. We are also released. If we don't forgive people,

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literally what's happening is we are staying tethered to them and to the situation.

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That's what's happening in the spirit realm. We're staying connected to them, connected to the

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situation. That's why even a lot of people, you know, we don't label people here. We don't call

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people narcissists. I get it. People, psychologists have diagnosed people. I know all that stuff, but

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y'all, we don't label people here. And I'm never going to be upset with you if you guys come in

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and say, he's a narcissist. I'm just going to be like, hey, this is how I like would recommend

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saying that because here's the reality. People struggle with narcissism, sociopathic stuff.

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People struggle with depression. People struggle with suicide. People struggle with pornography.

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These are struggles that people are facing and walking through for different reasons.

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People struggle with having sex outside of marriage again, but we get into the labeling game

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and then we want someone else to extend mercy and grace to us.

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Okay. So we're going to stay out of the label game as much as we can in here.

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And again, we're never going to be upset with you. This is a part of the.

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healing. It's a like, even for myself, the first time Jackie said that, and I heard her say that, I was like, Oh, man, I've

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done that a lot. And it really helped me start changing the way that I was talking about myself and other people and

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situations that I have encountered. And so I want you to think about the fact that you're separating the people from

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their behavior, their identity from what they've done. Just like you, again, I try to bring it back to us. We don't

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want to be labeled as a cheater. If we were maybe someone that were unfaithful in a relationship, we don't want to be

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labeled as a bad mom, if we're like angry, and we yell at our kids, or you know what I'm saying? Like, we want to have

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our identity in Christ, we want to learn how to have a healthy identity, separate from the struggles that we have. I

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struggled with anxiety in my past, extensively. But I am not an anxious person. There's a difference. I feel

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anxiousness. But I am not an anxious person. Back in the day, excuse me, back in the day, I actually like got upset with

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God and was like, Why did you make me this way? Because I didn't remember a time that I didn't feel afraid and anxious. And

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God was like, I didn't. I'm like, What do you mean? Yes, you did. I've been like this forever. And he literally this is the

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conversation that God and I are having it. And he's talking to me through my inner voice. You know, that's still small

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voice, but it came so quick. And he said, Bethany, I did not put that in you. The enemy is the one that comes to kill, steal and

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destroy. But God comes Jesus came to give us life and give it to us more abundantly. That's why Jesus came. He came to abolish all of

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that. We fight from victory, not for it. It's already ours. I just had to get the revelation of that. It was literally on my way to

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work. And God was talking to me about that. And I got massive freedom and massive revelation because I was like, Oh my gosh. Oh my

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gosh. You're right. And he's like, Yeah, no, I'm God. You know, like, God's always right, you all. But like, sometimes it's just

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kind of like, Whoa, like, you know, those things that just hit you. And all of a sudden, it just starts to make sense. The enemy, you know,

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has constantly tried to like, assault my life with fear and anxiety, lust, abuse, you know, common threads that he's tried to attack my life

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with over and over and over again. And now he's trying to get my kids with it. See, that's how he tries to work. I don't even know why I'm

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saying all this I had this is not my notes, but I believe it's for someone. So if you're sensing similar attacks throughout your story, it's

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because the enemy is continuing to try to hammer you in that area. Because he wants to see if you will believe the lie that God made you

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that way. He didn't. We get to decide and choose the truth and say no, God did not create me with depression. I struggle with depression. Yeah,

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Megan says hopelessness, loneliness, deep pangs of loneliness. I've talked about this before. It's worse than an addiction to like drugs, you all, you can

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research it. If some of you, you really like you feel pain and deep loneliness. I want to encourage you to look it up. It's called pangs p a n g s of

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loneliness. It comes out of roots of abandonment and neglect as children. That's where it starts. Some of you might need to forgive your parents in one way or

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another. Again, my mom did I do believe I think that she did the best that she knew how I think also she could have done better. I do. But I also have

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forgiven her and I've put it all under the cross. But I say both of those because I believe that anybody can learn something new every single day. And I wish my mom

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had. I wish that she had reached out for help more. She stayed isolated a lot. And so I want to encourage you if you are someone that struggles with

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isolation, loneliness, I want you to come out of that place. Again, heartwork is a great time to practice that. I know it can be like, I don't know these people in this

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group.

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I don't know if I feel comfortable to say this thing about my life, this really private, big thing.

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I've been there, and I want you to know we have done, like, years of work in this community to create a safe place for you.

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I have been here over five years, and I have never had someone say something harmful or mean to anyone when they confess something from their life in this group.

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And I'm so blessed that I can say that, because that's not always the case.

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Yeah, so if you need to forgive someone for where I was going with that with my mom, you know, part of my story is even before this happened, my mom was kind of just checked out.

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My mom did not want another kid.

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They got pregnant with me when she was on birth control.

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My dad left literally after she gave birth to me in the hospital, took the only car that they had, she had, they jointly had, so she had to find someone to even bring her home from the hospital.

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I didn't find this out until just a few years ago before she passed away.

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Lots of things that she went through, but she was checked out, you all.

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And she worked multiple jobs as a single mom.

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I don't blame her for being checked out.

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I really don't.

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But I needed my mom.

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And so I can also at the same time say, man, I'm really disappointed that she didn't, like, fight through that more for me.

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When my brother and my sister and my mom were hit by a drunk driver, I told that story a couple weeks ago, my mom was gone a lot.

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And so the enemy lied to me, and this is why I'm saying it, a lot, that I was not as important as my other siblings.

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I felt abandoned, I felt alone.

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And then my mom, I was really close with my grandparents, at one point, she wouldn't let me go there anymore.

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She had a lot of jealousy towards them and my relationship with them.

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And then I had to sit home alone, afraid.

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So another layer of abandonment and loneliness, and now fear, greater levels of fear, tacked onto that.

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So I've had to do a lot of forgiveness around these layers of loneliness, abandonment, neglect, feeling put aside when I needed someone to make me a priority.

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Now, I don't know all the things, I know some of the things my mom went through.

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Her dad committed suicide.

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Her mom was very, like, pro the boys, you know.

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They were never allowed to talk about the bad things that happened in their home, literally.

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And so that's how my mom and her siblings grew up.

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And there was a lot of abuse down that line.

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I still think to this day, I don't have proof, but I do still think to this day that my mom probably got abused along the way as well, and never spoke of it.

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So why am I saying all this to you?

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I'm saying this to you because some of you, you know, the Lord has been knocking on the door of your heart to forgive the people who have harmed you, the people who have neglected you, the people that, in your spirit, you're like, they should have been there, they should have shown up for me, they should have fought for me, or maybe it's your kids.

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Sometimes what happens is we learn how to process our own forgiveness, but when someone hurts our kids, or our sister, or our best friend, we take on a whole new level of offense.

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Some of you all need to forgive people that have hurt other people that you love.

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I want to talk to you about different filters and things that cover the way that we see, and I want you to think about it in regards to sunglasses.

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And I'm not going to tell the whole story that I normally tell it for sake of time, but I just want you to be thinking about, like, when you put sunglasses on, a lot of them now have UV ray protection, they have different colors, so when you're looking out at things, you see things in a different color.

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And I want you to think of filters and blind spots in the same way.

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When we have unforgiveness in our hearts and our lives, it creates literally a different lens to look through.

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So we see everything around us differently than we would see if we were walking in wholeness, and forgiveness, and grace, and love.

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Sometimes even what's really tricky is your person that is supposed to love you, they now have harmed you in some way.

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So maybe it is an up-close and personal enemy, if you will, and maybe there's someone that you love dearly and you just did not see that coming.

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You know, it's kind of like, you guys might be like, what?

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I don't know.

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like, you watch that? Oh, but gladiator, there's this scene

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where, you know, the guy comes up close, and he just he jabs

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him in the in the side. And I think of that sometimes, because

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the armor of God, when you read about it in the Bible, you know,

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there's all this armor that talks about things that are on

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the front of the body. But the glory of the Lord is the rear

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guard, he's your protector on your back. But I was thinking

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about this. And back in the day, you have to, like, we think of

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it in terms of what we know, but back in the day, they were

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in full body armor at different times. And then other times,

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they weren't, there were openings on the side, you all.

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And so I've thought about this a lot, like, I wonder what it was

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like when the Bible was written. Because you know, that friend

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that is closer than a brother, if you will, when they come

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close, and and they're really close, and then they do

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something, and it's like that side jab, right?

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It hurts a little differently, doesn't it?

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And sometimes that stuff lingers.

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But God, again, is calling these things out tonight, y'all,

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again, these are this is not in my notes. So I feel like the

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Lord is saying to some of you, like, he's really sorry that

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your friend betrayed you, and wounded you. And, you know,

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basically, like came up and stabbed you in a sense. And God

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wants to heal that wound, those wounds, some of you have

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multiple friends that have done things, you really struggle to

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make friends, and you're wondering what's wrong with you.

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And God is saying, Hey, I want you just to allow yourself to

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heal. And learn what it's like to make healthy connections and

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community, because here's the reality. Just like romantic

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relationships, when we're not healed and healthy and whole,

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and we're never going to be perfect, you all, okay. But in

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process, we're going to learn how to make healthier

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connections with people, we're going to recognize people that

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have red flags, green flags, you know, we're going to learn them

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all. But the reality is, some of us like have even picked really

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unhealthy friends.

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And we have to own our side of the street in that. And just, it

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doesn't mean like we don't choose people anymore, if they

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have anything wrong with them. But we absolutely do not have to

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like hang out every day with people that are toxic, we don't

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have to do it. We can love them, like with Christ love, we can

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serve them. But you know what, when I go into situations with a

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ministry mindset, it's a totally different mindset than if I'm

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going in, like, hey, this is going to be my friend. Because

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my friends get closer to me than the people that I'm ministering

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to. So I hope it will give you guys some kind of perspective of

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maybe some of you as you forgive God might be using this tonight

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even to help you kind of reestablish some lines to like

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help you become healthier in the days ahead. All right, so the

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filters and blind spots cause us to see others differently, the

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world differently, interact with them differently. They it impacts

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our ability to truly connect the ability to give love out and

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receive love. Remember, I talked about that capacity earlier,

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when things get cleaned out. Remember, that's getting that

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stuff out of there. Well, then what should happen is we should

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be able to then receive new things. Isaiah 4319, I am doing

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a new thing. Can you not perceive it? I'm bringing

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streams in the wasteland and rivers in the desert. He's

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bringing good stuff, ladies. Good stuff. He's a good father.

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The Bible also talks about there's a scripture that talks

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about like that God can I please see your goodness in the land of

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the living. Excuse me. And I remember praying that a lot when

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I was going through the heart healing. I think some things

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that we will not see those until heaven, just because of the way

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that the spiritual dynamics work. But I believe there's a

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lot of things that God wants us to experience here on earth and

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to be able to proclaim his goodness and his mercy and his

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forgiveness and his grace. Do you know the meat, you know,

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like, it's like me too. Oh, you've been through that. Me

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too. And then you get to help someone else. And if we will

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allow God to he wants to use our purpose or excuse me, our

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pain for a purpose. And he wants to maybe it's just one person we

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share with one day, but it changes their life. When you

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think about the filters and blind spots, I also want you to

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think about this when you walk into any situation, it doesn't

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matter what it is bad or good. You don't see that thing.

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Because of filters and blind spots, you don't see that place.

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so you don't see the people the way that they are.

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You see those places, those people, and those things

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the way that you are on the inside.

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Let's just here raise a hand.

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I wanna get people involved here.

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I feel like another idea's coming up.

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Just raise your digital hand for me

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or you can put something in the chat.

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How many of you struggle with insecurity?

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Any kind of insecurity.

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Just, yeah, go ahead and you can raise your physical hand.

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We can see you that way too.

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I think a lot of people do, more than even realize do,

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because insecurity shows up

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in a lot of different ways, you all.

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But praise the Lord for those of you

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that don't feel like that's something you struggle with,

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but a lot of people, this is the common thread.

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Especially you get women in a room together

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and then what does the enemy try to do?

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Well, it's one of the first things the enemy will try to do.

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He will try to get you to compare yourself to another woman.

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They look prettier, they have nicer clothes,

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look at their hair, I don't have that.

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I like the way she talks, I can't talk like.

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Whatever it is, he will try to use something

392
00:36:16.200 --> 00:36:18.680
to get you to compare yourself to someone else

393
00:36:18.680 --> 00:36:21.900
because if you will do that, if you will partner with that,

394
00:36:21.900 --> 00:36:24.100
I know it because I've lived it.

395
00:36:24.100 --> 00:36:26.900
Then he like, oh, I got her.

396
00:36:26.900 --> 00:36:28.420
Because now I can start lying to her

397
00:36:28.420 --> 00:36:29.620
about a bunch of other stuff too

398
00:36:29.620 --> 00:36:32.660
because she's listening to what I'm saying right now.

399
00:36:34.540 --> 00:36:36.580
Some of you even come on this and you're like,

400
00:36:36.580 --> 00:36:38.300
you're terrified to turn your cameras on

401
00:36:38.300 --> 00:36:40.060
and hey, there's no shame.

402
00:36:40.060 --> 00:36:43.460
I just want you to know that that is the enemy

403
00:36:43.460 --> 00:36:48.460
trying to keep you from allowing yourself to be seen, why?

404
00:36:48.980 --> 00:36:49.820
Why?

405
00:36:54.080 --> 00:36:56.660
So what filters are you seeing life through?

406
00:36:57.540 --> 00:36:59.900
Some people will see so many filters,

407
00:36:59.900 --> 00:37:03.420
again, for instance, say you were hurt severely

408
00:37:03.420 --> 00:37:04.860
by a group of people.

409
00:37:04.860 --> 00:37:08.060
They mistreated you, maybe they lied about you

410
00:37:08.060 --> 00:37:09.980
and then they discarded you.

411
00:37:09.980 --> 00:37:12.740
Maybe it was one person, but either way, the same is true.

412
00:37:12.740 --> 00:37:14.840
The heart wounds and lies that were created

413
00:37:14.840 --> 00:37:16.820
as a result of that trauma

414
00:37:16.860 --> 00:37:19.100
will now give you a skewed perception

415
00:37:19.100 --> 00:37:20.940
of groups in the future.

416
00:37:20.940 --> 00:37:22.980
If it's a woman in authority,

417
00:37:22.980 --> 00:37:24.740
you're gonna struggle with women in authority.

418
00:37:24.740 --> 00:37:25.940
If it was a man in authority,

419
00:37:25.940 --> 00:37:27.940
you're gonna tend to struggle with men in authority.

420
00:37:27.940 --> 00:37:29.440
Do y'all see how this works?

421
00:37:30.560 --> 00:37:32.660
You might avoid groups or communities of people

422
00:37:32.660 --> 00:37:36.620
like the plague, convincing yourself that they're all bad.

423
00:37:36.620 --> 00:37:38.940
Some of y'all have been hurt by men so much

424
00:37:38.940 --> 00:37:41.660
that you're just like, you say you want a spirit mate,

425
00:37:41.660 --> 00:37:44.900
but deep down, you don't really even like men

426
00:37:45.900 --> 00:37:47.940
because you are believing the lie.

427
00:37:47.940 --> 00:37:50.620
And again, I'm not shaming you for this.

428
00:37:50.620 --> 00:37:53.420
I saw so many layers of this getting revealed

429
00:37:53.420 --> 00:37:55.620
as I've gone through this journey for years.

430
00:37:58.740 --> 00:38:00.820
Maybe yours is men are lazy.

431
00:38:01.780 --> 00:38:04.340
Men aren't spiritual like we're spiritual.

432
00:38:04.340 --> 00:38:06.460
Do you know how many women buy into that?

433
00:38:07.640 --> 00:38:10.220
Men aren't as spiritual as women are spiritual.

434
00:38:10.220 --> 00:38:11.920
Somebody even said it to me today.

435
00:38:12.160 --> 00:38:13.960
I don't think that's true.

436
00:38:17.520 --> 00:38:19.520
And you know what I think gives it power?

437
00:38:19.520 --> 00:38:21.000
Is when women keep agreeing

438
00:38:21.000 --> 00:38:23.160
that men are not as spiritual as us.

439
00:38:24.640 --> 00:38:27.680
I really believe that that is part of the enemy's

440
00:38:27.680 --> 00:38:29.880
great breakdown of men in this world.

441
00:38:32.280 --> 00:38:34.600
Women are called to be intercessors.

442
00:38:35.520 --> 00:38:39.480
We are called to be the help mate, the helper.

443
00:38:40.280 --> 00:38:44.280
God has called us and positioned us to intercede for men.

444
00:38:44.280 --> 00:38:47.640
Y'all, I've seen a rise of men in the last five years.

445
00:38:47.640 --> 00:38:49.200
Men are awakening.

446
00:38:49.200 --> 00:38:52.320
Yes, do I think that men were under an attack

447
00:38:52.320 --> 00:38:54.200
of the enemy for a century?

448
00:38:54.200 --> 00:38:56.160
Yes, I do.

449
00:38:56.160 --> 00:38:58.560
But I don't believe that was ever their destiny.

450
00:38:59.960 --> 00:39:03.960
We don't want men to label us a bunch of feminists, right?

451
00:39:04.800 --> 00:39:07.240
At least I don't want them to label me that way

452
00:39:07.240 --> 00:39:08.880
just because I'm a strong woman.

453
00:39:11.320 --> 00:39:14.000
I want them to see my strength in God,

454
00:39:14.000 --> 00:39:16.440
the gifts and the abilities that he's put in me

455
00:39:16.440 --> 00:39:19.560
to use me for his kingdom, not to be threatened by me

456
00:39:19.560 --> 00:39:22.560
or think I'm some part of, which I'm not, y'all.

457
00:39:22.560 --> 00:39:25.320
Like I don't, I'm really naive to the way

458
00:39:25.320 --> 00:39:26.440
of some of those things.

459
00:39:26.440 --> 00:39:29.560
But I'm just saying that I don't believe

460
00:39:29.560 --> 00:39:32.480
that men were ever under an attack of the enemy.

461
00:39:32.800 --> 00:39:35.880
I'm just saying God is trying to tear down

462
00:39:35.880 --> 00:39:39.560
the division wall between men and women.

463
00:39:39.560 --> 00:39:42.040
And he's trying to get us to work as a team.

464
00:39:42.040 --> 00:39:43.560
But it starts in our hearts.

465
00:39:43.560 --> 00:39:45.400
It starts in our minds and our spirits,

466
00:39:45.400 --> 00:39:48.360
what we think about, what we focus on.

467
00:39:49.360 --> 00:39:51.880
What we focus on is literally what we will find.

468
00:39:51.880 --> 00:39:55.280
And if we are focused on men are bad,

469
00:39:55.280 --> 00:39:56.680
we're gonna find bad men.

470
00:39:59.640 --> 00:40:00.480
Yeah.

471
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.040
So, what do you want to focus on in the days ahead?

472
00:40:05.040 --> 00:40:09.920
Do you want to focus on, God, I believe that you have good things in store for me.

473
00:40:09.920 --> 00:40:13.560
I don't always feel it, I don't always see it, because y'all, that's true.

474
00:40:13.560 --> 00:40:15.600
We experience so much in this world.

475
00:40:15.600 --> 00:40:17.560
We go through trials and tribulation.

476
00:40:17.560 --> 00:40:21.000
The Bible told us they would come.

477
00:40:21.000 --> 00:40:25.040
But woe to him whom through they come.

478
00:40:25.040 --> 00:40:28.920
Yeah, God doesn't want us to be tossed around and hurt.

479
00:40:28.920 --> 00:40:31.680
For his kids.

480
00:40:31.680 --> 00:40:36.120
And whether you know it or not, or believe it or not, tonight, some of you all are probably

481
00:40:36.120 --> 00:40:40.640
in that place, and I understand why you're there, where you're just like, yeah, I mean,

482
00:40:40.640 --> 00:40:45.640
I hear that God loves me, but if God loved me, why did he not protect me from this person

483
00:40:45.640 --> 00:40:46.880
or this situation?

484
00:40:46.880 --> 00:40:48.780
And that's legit.

485
00:40:48.780 --> 00:40:52.240
And you're going to have to walk that journey out, just like I did.

486
00:40:52.240 --> 00:40:53.760
And you know how I did it?

487
00:40:53.760 --> 00:40:55.720
I just talked to him.

488
00:40:55.720 --> 00:40:56.720
And I was honest with him.

489
00:40:56.720 --> 00:41:01.240
God like, man, why didn't you protect me in this situation?

490
00:41:01.240 --> 00:41:05.760
And he's taught me a lot about the reality of the fullness of his love.

491
00:41:05.760 --> 00:41:10.080
That means he doesn't control anyone.

492
00:41:10.080 --> 00:41:14.840
He gives everyone free choice to choose.

493
00:41:14.840 --> 00:41:21.560
And some people make really horrible, harmful choices.

494
00:41:21.560 --> 00:41:23.560
So let's be different people.

495
00:41:23.560 --> 00:41:24.560
Let's forgive.

496
00:41:24.560 --> 00:41:25.560
Let's choose to love.

497
00:41:25.560 --> 00:41:31.240
Let's grow in the fullness of who God created us to be and live some really amazing lives.

498
00:41:31.240 --> 00:41:37.040
And when we do, you know, the Bible says we'll keep coals of fire on the heads of our enemies.

499
00:41:37.040 --> 00:41:40.120
That includes Satan.

500
00:41:40.120 --> 00:41:44.600
Matthew 22, 39, I want to make sure I had the right scripture, says, love your neighbor

501
00:41:44.600 --> 00:41:47.540
as you love yourself.

502
00:41:47.540 --> 00:41:50.880
Forgiveness is not a choice, or excuse me, is not a feeling, it's a choice.

503
00:41:50.880 --> 00:41:57.160
I want you to think about this, love your neighbor as you love yourself.

504
00:41:57.160 --> 00:42:02.880
A lot of us will say we love ourselves, but then we talk down to ourselves all the time.

505
00:42:02.880 --> 00:42:06.600
I want you to think about things that you're saying to yourself, thinking about yourself.

506
00:42:06.600 --> 00:42:12.180
And then I want you to ask yourself, would you say that to a sister?

507
00:42:12.180 --> 00:42:14.080
Some of you might.

508
00:42:14.080 --> 00:42:15.800
So be careful with that.

509
00:42:15.800 --> 00:42:19.720
But a lot of us wouldn't.

510
00:42:19.720 --> 00:42:25.280
So why do we say it to ourselves?

511
00:42:25.280 --> 00:42:26.280
I do too.

512
00:42:26.280 --> 00:42:31.620
Still, I catch myself all the time and I'm like, why did I just say that?

513
00:42:31.620 --> 00:42:35.480
That was harmful to myself.

514
00:42:35.480 --> 00:42:36.520
And then here's the reality.

515
00:42:36.520 --> 00:42:42.060
We can't give what we don't have.

516
00:42:42.060 --> 00:42:45.520
Some of you need your love tanks filled.

517
00:42:45.520 --> 00:42:51.320
And that's going to happen as you choose to forgive and let it go.

518
00:42:51.320 --> 00:42:53.440
It doesn't mean you have to forget that it happened.

519
00:42:53.440 --> 00:42:54.760
That is not true.

520
00:42:54.760 --> 00:42:57.160
You're never going to forget you all.

521
00:42:57.160 --> 00:42:59.280
I wish that we like some memories.

522
00:42:59.280 --> 00:43:04.160
I think they do because we get so happy when we're living a good life, that stuff starts

523
00:43:04.160 --> 00:43:05.160
to fade.

524
00:43:05.160 --> 00:43:08.120
It doesn't even feel like it's like I can tell you literally things that have happened

525
00:43:08.120 --> 00:43:09.120
in my life.

526
00:43:09.120 --> 00:43:12.720
Like I'm like, that doesn't even feel like that was my life anymore.

527
00:43:12.720 --> 00:43:14.000
I know that it happened.

528
00:43:14.000 --> 00:43:20.040
Like I haven't forgotten in my head, but it doesn't even feel like it's my life because

529
00:43:20.040 --> 00:43:22.680
my life is so different now.

530
00:43:22.680 --> 00:43:24.120
And your life can be different too.

531
00:43:24.120 --> 00:43:28.400
Ephesians 4, 23, forgive one another just as God forgave you because of what Christ

532
00:43:28.400 --> 00:43:29.400
has done.

533
00:43:29.400 --> 00:43:36.020
Colossians 3, 13, remember the Lord forgave you, so you must also forgive others.

534
00:43:36.020 --> 00:43:43.680
And you want to forgive all the characters in the story, including yourself if it's needed.

535
00:43:44.360 --> 00:43:47.040
Remember forgiveness happens in layers and healing happens in layers.

536
00:43:47.040 --> 00:43:52.040
I want to talk to you very quickly about victim versus survivor versus thriving.

537
00:43:52.040 --> 00:43:53.700
Victims feel helpless.

538
00:43:53.700 --> 00:43:58.860
They blame other people and they focus often on the past.

539
00:43:58.860 --> 00:44:03.520
So when we talk a lot about victim mindsets and victim heart postures, that's what we're

540
00:44:03.520 --> 00:44:04.640
talking about.

541
00:44:04.640 --> 00:44:09.120
It's this place of helplessness and you know, even hopelessness is going to partner with

542
00:44:09.120 --> 00:44:10.120
that.

543
00:44:10.120 --> 00:44:13.600
I know Megan, you said that earlier, but that just came up in my spirit.

544
00:44:13.640 --> 00:44:17.240
That's the enemy trying to get you to partner with being a victim.

545
00:44:17.240 --> 00:44:19.360
Again, I don't blame you for that.

546
00:44:19.360 --> 00:44:23.320
I know the things that you've gone through, but that connection just happened.

547
00:44:23.320 --> 00:44:25.480
So speak it out.

548
00:44:25.480 --> 00:44:26.880
Victims blame other people.

549
00:44:26.880 --> 00:44:31.280
So again, y'all, yes, people did horrible things to me.

550
00:44:31.280 --> 00:44:33.120
They did.

551
00:44:33.120 --> 00:44:37.720
And I can sit and I can just keep blaming them for the way that my life was back in

552
00:44:37.720 --> 00:44:39.140
the day.

553
00:44:39.140 --> 00:44:40.140
Or even now.

554
00:44:40.140 --> 00:44:42.440
I mean, people still hurt me today.

555
00:44:42.440 --> 00:44:45.440
People in the church, people that I'm doing my best to love.

556
00:44:45.440 --> 00:44:46.840
It happens all the time.

557
00:44:46.840 --> 00:44:47.840
Why?

558
00:44:47.840 --> 00:44:49.920
Because people are imperfect.

559
00:44:49.920 --> 00:44:53.840
We all have flesh.

560
00:44:53.840 --> 00:44:59.040
And I could sit and I could blame them for whatever the situation is, or I can just love

561
00:44:59.040 --> 00:45:00.040
them.

562
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.160
them, set a different boundary if needed, and move on.

563
00:45:00.040 --> 00:45:00.040


564
00:45:05.840 --> 00:45:10.440
Because you know what, there's other people that are ready to

565
00:45:10.440 --> 00:45:12.080
receive what I have to give.

566
00:45:14.640 --> 00:45:17.160
Not everybody's going to be able to receive what we have to give

567
00:45:17.160 --> 00:45:21.720
you all. You all when you step into the dating time, you're

568
00:45:21.720 --> 00:45:24.440
gonna come across some guys that still are not good guys. It's

569
00:45:24.440 --> 00:45:27.640
reality. There's some women out there that are not good women.

570
00:45:28.240 --> 00:45:32.480
It's even Steven. Back in the day, people used to think

571
00:45:32.480 --> 00:45:36.680
pornography, pornography was just a guy's thing. Women

572
00:45:36.680 --> 00:45:40.680
struggle with pornography almost just as much as men now.

573
00:45:42.720 --> 00:45:43.760
It's reality.

574
00:45:47.920 --> 00:45:50.680
A survivor is someone who has reclaimed their power. So

575
00:45:50.680 --> 00:45:54.240
they've, they've started taking their power back. They take

576
00:45:54.240 --> 00:45:57.680
responsibility for their choices. They choose to heal.

577
00:45:57.680 --> 00:46:00.000
So maybe they're doing some self care, they're starting to

578
00:46:00.000 --> 00:46:02.880
say no, they're starting to set healthy boundaries where they

579
00:46:02.880 --> 00:46:09.960
need to. But here's the thing a survivor typically continues to

580
00:46:09.960 --> 00:46:14.080
live and or exist. Again, that's not bad. But there's a

581
00:46:14.080 --> 00:46:18.160
difference between surviving and thriving.

582
00:46:19.760 --> 00:46:22.120
Thriving is not just existing.

583
00:46:22.880 --> 00:46:27.160
Thriving is someone who's going to focus on the future. They

584
00:46:27.160 --> 00:46:31.560
have power regarding their future. They surround themselves

585
00:46:31.560 --> 00:46:36.640
with other people who are thriving. Thriving people tend

586
00:46:36.640 --> 00:46:40.040
to grow, they tend to develop themselves, they tend to

587
00:46:40.040 --> 00:46:43.720
prosper when they're doing things, and they flourish.

588
00:46:44.040 --> 00:46:47.440
Again, this isn't about shame or guilt or condemnation. But

589
00:46:47.440 --> 00:46:51.000
here's what happens. When we when we put these truths out

590
00:46:51.000 --> 00:46:55.320
there, and we start looking at the reality of okay, where do I

591
00:46:55.320 --> 00:47:01.320
fall? Here's the other reality. We can fall into each one of

592
00:47:01.320 --> 00:47:06.600
those categories at the same time, in different areas of our

593
00:47:06.600 --> 00:47:10.680
hearts and lives. You can be in victim regarding romantic

594
00:47:10.680 --> 00:47:16.040
relationship and be thriving in your career. See how that works.

595
00:47:16.440 --> 00:47:20.200
But we want we want to run on all full cylinder, full

596
00:47:20.200 --> 00:47:24.560
cylinder, full cylinder, baby, we want to run like thriving in

597
00:47:24.560 --> 00:47:31.120
every area. Nothing missing, nothing lacking, nothing broken,

598
00:47:31.160 --> 00:47:35.360
wholeness. God wants that for us. And I believe he wants to

599
00:47:35.360 --> 00:47:38.560
help you step further into that tonight. So I want to give you a

600
00:47:38.560 --> 00:47:40.920
couple more things on thriving. And then we're going to get

601
00:47:40.920 --> 00:47:47.560
ready for our breakout session. The land of thrive. People are

602
00:47:47.560 --> 00:47:51.560
going to start making choices about what you want to do. Who

603
00:47:51.560 --> 00:47:55.880
are you? What do you like to do? Some of you all starting point

604
00:47:55.880 --> 00:47:59.280
for you is going to be to figure out what some of your hobbies

605
00:47:59.280 --> 00:48:03.160
are. What do you enjoy doing? What? What brings you joy? What

606
00:48:03.160 --> 00:48:07.480
brings you laughter and fun and silliness, whatever that looks

607
00:48:07.480 --> 00:48:11.280
like for you. Because some of you don't even know what that

608
00:48:11.280 --> 00:48:13.880
is. So every time you start dating someone, I used to do

609
00:48:13.880 --> 00:48:16.960
this, I would just conform to what they were doing and what

610
00:48:16.960 --> 00:48:19.800
they wanted to do all the time and I would lose myself in

611
00:48:19.800 --> 00:48:24.680
people. I'm not saying that that I mean, it still happens a

612
00:48:24.680 --> 00:48:27.440
little in marriage, especially like I'm trying to balance like

613
00:48:27.440 --> 00:48:32.720
ministry and being a wife and you know, I worked full time for

614
00:48:32.720 --> 00:48:35.400
last year single like there. There's just a lot of things to

615
00:48:35.400 --> 00:48:39.600
kind of balance and juggle. And so I have found that ministry

616
00:48:39.600 --> 00:48:43.520
even has been something I've had to really watch that it doesn't

617
00:48:43.520 --> 00:48:48.040
take over my identity. Does that make sense? What I'm

618
00:48:48.040 --> 00:48:53.880
saying? We need to invest in who we are, and have boundaries

619
00:48:53.880 --> 00:48:58.240
around that so that we even when we get married, y'all, the

620
00:48:58.240 --> 00:49:02.800
wedding day is not a one time event. Marriage is a lifetime

621
00:49:02.800 --> 00:49:08.000
journey. And we're going to grow and we're going to change some

622
00:49:08.000 --> 00:49:10.360
things you're going to love right now you're going to enjoy

623
00:49:10.360 --> 00:49:13.680
doing those and maybe five or 10 years from now you're maybe

624
00:49:13.680 --> 00:49:15.840
physically not going to be able to do that thing or maybe it's

625
00:49:15.840 --> 00:49:18.840
just not what you're into anymore. And your spouse is

626
00:49:18.840 --> 00:49:21.680
going to change too. But we have to be willing to at least know

627
00:49:21.680 --> 00:49:27.520
who we are at the starting point. Okay, that's going to

628
00:49:27.520 --> 00:49:31.000
serve you really well. The land of thrive also how you act what

629
00:49:31.000 --> 00:49:36.200
kind of attitude do you want to have? People that are thriving

630
00:49:36.240 --> 00:49:42.640
are not negative Nelly's. Again, I know why people struggle with

631
00:49:42.640 --> 00:49:48.120
negative attitudes and critical spirits. I know why. I have

632
00:49:48.120 --> 00:49:53.440
grace for you. But I want you to like pay attention to like

633
00:49:53.520 --> 00:49:56.640
what's coming out of your mouth. What are you thinking about all

634
00:49:56.640 --> 00:49:59.800
the time? Is it negative? Like do you have a

635
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.640
to go towards the negative or the positive.

636
00:50:03.640 --> 00:50:05.360
Now, the other flip side of this

637
00:50:05.360 --> 00:50:08.320
is some of y'all are so positive all the time

638
00:50:08.320 --> 00:50:10.340
that you're not even letting yourself

639
00:50:10.340 --> 00:50:12.200
see the red flags in people.

640
00:50:12.200 --> 00:50:13.480
That's how I used to be.

641
00:50:15.240 --> 00:50:16.600
I just believed the best in them.

642
00:50:16.600 --> 00:50:19.440
I saw the potential and just,

643
00:50:19.440 --> 00:50:21.800
I believed with all the faith that I had

644
00:50:21.800 --> 00:50:25.240
that that potential was gonna become something.

645
00:50:26.440 --> 00:50:28.200
We don't, Jackie says this all the time.

646
00:50:28.240 --> 00:50:30.240
We do not marry potential.

647
00:50:30.240 --> 00:50:32.240
And I remember the first time hearing that too,

648
00:50:32.240 --> 00:50:36.160
and I was like, whoa, that'll set you free.

649
00:50:36.160 --> 00:50:37.800
If you're someone that really struggles

650
00:50:37.800 --> 00:50:42.800
with balancing having faith and walking in wisdom,

651
00:50:43.960 --> 00:50:45.240
I was a pretty wise person.

652
00:50:45.240 --> 00:50:46.720
I still got tripped up by that stuff

653
00:50:46.720 --> 00:50:50.220
because of my counterfeit identities.

654
00:50:51.680 --> 00:50:53.500
See how it all works together?

655
00:50:53.500 --> 00:50:55.040
Right, last one.

656
00:50:55.040 --> 00:50:58.720
The land of thrive, where to focus your resources.

657
00:50:58.720 --> 00:51:01.960
This is the money side of things, the time side of things.

658
00:51:01.960 --> 00:51:04.280
Think of all the different kinds of resources you have.

659
00:51:04.280 --> 00:51:05.920
It's your energy.

660
00:51:05.920 --> 00:51:07.480
There's more.

661
00:51:07.480 --> 00:51:09.360
And I want you to think about opportunities

662
00:51:09.360 --> 00:51:12.140
that you wanna create for yourself.

663
00:51:13.160 --> 00:51:15.680
Now, God is gonna help you do it, of course.

664
00:51:17.080 --> 00:51:21.860
But some of you all are created to do extraordinary things.

665
00:51:22.860 --> 00:51:24.340
And here's what I'm gonna say.

666
00:51:24.340 --> 00:51:26.980
All of us are created to do extraordinary things.

667
00:51:26.980 --> 00:51:29.940
Some people, it just takes them a little longer

668
00:51:29.940 --> 00:51:32.860
to believe that they have that potential.

669
00:51:32.860 --> 00:51:36.180
And extraordinary looks different for everybody.

670
00:51:36.180 --> 00:51:40.800
And it doesn't make any persons less than another.

671
00:51:43.580 --> 00:51:45.660
We are all a part of the body,

672
00:51:45.660 --> 00:51:48.420
and every part of the body matters

673
00:51:48.420 --> 00:51:51.700
and has an extraordinary purpose.

674
00:51:52.700 --> 00:51:55.220
Do you believe that about yourself?

675
00:51:59.140 --> 00:52:00.640
God wants to help you get there.

676
00:52:00.640 --> 00:52:04.860
All right, so here is the breakout session question tonight.

677
00:52:04.860 --> 00:52:09.540
Who do you need to forgive tonight and why?

678
00:52:10.600 --> 00:52:12.080
Who is God bringing up in your spirit?

679
00:52:12.080 --> 00:52:15.360
Who do you need to forgive tonight and why?

680
00:52:15.360 --> 00:52:17.500
I'm gonna get the breakout rooms ready.

681
00:52:17.500 --> 00:52:22.500
I'm gonna put two of you in a room.

682
00:52:24.740 --> 00:52:28.020
Maybe I wanna do three people to a room tonight.

683
00:52:29.460 --> 00:52:30.300
I think I do,

684
00:52:30.300 --> 00:52:32.580
because I want you guys to meet some more people.

685
00:52:33.540 --> 00:52:35.840
And then what we'll do is, let's see.

686
00:52:36.820 --> 00:52:39.100
I want three, six, nine.

687
00:52:39.100 --> 00:52:40.900
All right, we'll do eight minutes.

688
00:52:40.900 --> 00:52:43.260
So you'll have two and a half minutes, you all.

689
00:52:43.260 --> 00:52:45.460
Short, brief, and powerful, okay?

690
00:52:45.460 --> 00:52:46.620
Short, brief, and powerful.

691
00:52:46.620 --> 00:52:48.220
Everybody has two and a half minutes.

692
00:52:48.220 --> 00:52:49.500
Three people to a room.

693
00:52:49.500 --> 00:52:52.260
If people are not there, I'll move people around.

694
00:52:52.260 --> 00:52:53.180
It's no big deal.

695
00:52:53.180 --> 00:52:56.140
Go ahead and click to join those rooms as quick as you can.

696
00:52:57.840 --> 00:52:59.260
Totally fine, Grace.

697
00:52:59.260 --> 00:53:02.660
I will go ahead and make note of that.

698
00:53:02.660 --> 00:53:06.340
I'm gonna pray once we get everyone situated here.

699
00:53:12.540 --> 00:53:14.700
All right, Father, thank you so much

700
00:53:14.740 --> 00:53:16.980
for everything that you're doing already tonight.

701
00:53:16.980 --> 00:53:18.700
God, I thank you.

702
00:53:18.700 --> 00:53:20.380
I just sense your presence here, Lord.

703
00:53:20.380 --> 00:53:22.060
All day, I've just felt like you wanted

704
00:53:22.060 --> 00:53:24.140
to do something really special tonight.

705
00:53:24.140 --> 00:53:27.420
I thank you for being here in our midst.

706
00:53:27.420 --> 00:53:29.300
I thank you that you're always working

707
00:53:29.300 --> 00:53:31.220
in every situation in our lives, Lord,

708
00:53:31.220 --> 00:53:34.440
that you are helping us to unbecome the things

709
00:53:34.440 --> 00:53:37.520
that are not serving us and to become the woman of God

710
00:53:37.520 --> 00:53:39.020
that you've created us to be.

711
00:53:39.020 --> 00:53:42.380
And even on the inside, that little girl, the baby,

712
00:53:43.220 --> 00:53:46.020
the beautiful things that you put in us long ago

713
00:53:46.020 --> 00:53:47.340
that you created us to be.

714
00:53:47.340 --> 00:53:50.640
God, I thank you that you would just continue

715
00:53:50.640 --> 00:53:53.300
to help us to thrive in every area of our lives,

716
00:53:53.300 --> 00:53:55.940
that you would help us to step further into the fullness

717
00:53:55.940 --> 00:53:58.180
of who you originally created us to be.

718
00:53:58.180 --> 00:54:01.360
God, that you would transform us from the inside out.

719
00:54:01.360 --> 00:54:03.180
I thank you that we would leave behind

720
00:54:03.180 --> 00:54:05.420
the lives of the enemy a little bit more tonight,

721
00:54:05.420 --> 00:54:07.460
that we would choose to forgive,

722
00:54:07.460 --> 00:54:10.440
to walk in complete wholeness and healing,

723
00:54:10.480 --> 00:54:13.800
and that we would no longer, yes, Lord,

724
00:54:13.800 --> 00:54:17.740
believe the lies and the tactic of the enemy.

725
00:54:17.740 --> 00:54:19.560
We would lay aside every weight

726
00:54:19.560 --> 00:54:21.280
that so easily ensnares us,

727
00:54:21.280 --> 00:54:23.680
and we would press on toward the high calling of God

728
00:54:23.680 --> 00:54:24.520
for our lives.

729
00:54:24.520 --> 00:54:27.440
I thank you, God, that you are making all things new.

730
00:54:28.320 --> 00:54:30.280
Yes, Lord, that you're making all things new.

731
00:54:30.280 --> 00:54:32.760
I just saw, this always comes to mind,

732
00:54:32.760 --> 00:54:34.360
probably because I've done hard work for so long.

733
00:54:34.360 --> 00:54:35.920
I hear this and think of this a lot,

734
00:54:35.920 --> 00:54:38.240
but hear this from the Lord.

735
00:54:38.240 --> 00:54:39.920
I just saw a picture of a dam,

736
00:54:40.280 --> 00:54:43.040
where there's a stream of water flowing,

737
00:54:43.040 --> 00:54:47.160
and then something like debris,

738
00:54:47.160 --> 00:54:51.200
whether it's branches or rocks or whatever kind of stuff,

739
00:54:51.200 --> 00:54:53.840
beavers make things that cause dams.

740
00:54:53.840 --> 00:54:56.080
It stopped the flow of the river,

741
00:54:56.080 --> 00:54:59.320
but God is coming and he's removing all the things

742
00:54:59.320 --> 00:55:00.360
that were obstacles.

743
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.560
the cold and stopping up the flow within us.

744
00:55:04.560 --> 00:55:06.840
Psalm 139 verse 13 through 16

745
00:55:06.840 --> 00:55:08.720
in the NLT version says this,

746
00:55:08.720 --> 00:55:11.460
you made all the delicate inner parts of my body

747
00:55:11.460 --> 00:55:14.920
and knit me together in my mother's womb.

748
00:55:14.920 --> 00:55:18.000
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex.

749
00:55:18.000 --> 00:55:19.960
Your workmanship is marvelous.

750
00:55:19.960 --> 00:55:22.120
How well I know it.

751
00:55:22.120 --> 00:55:25.360
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,

752
00:55:25.360 --> 00:55:28.360
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

753
00:55:28.360 --> 00:55:30.200
You saw me before I was born.

754
00:55:30.200 --> 00:55:34.520
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

755
00:55:34.520 --> 00:55:39.140
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

756
00:55:41.640 --> 00:55:42.480
So interesting.

757
00:55:42.480 --> 00:55:44.660
I was feeling like as I was reading that,

758
00:55:44.660 --> 00:55:46.640
I kept hearing the Lord say earlier,

759
00:55:46.640 --> 00:55:50.000
I alluded to the fact that my mom got pregnant with me

760
00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:51.380
when she was on birth control.

761
00:55:51.380 --> 00:55:54.800
And actually at one point in my life told me verbally

762
00:55:54.800 --> 00:55:56.680
that they never wanted me.

763
00:55:56.680 --> 00:55:59.040
And that was very, very hurtful for me.

764
00:55:59.040 --> 00:56:00.320
And I feel like someone else,

765
00:56:00.320 --> 00:56:01.640
whether you're here live tonight

766
00:56:01.640 --> 00:56:02.800
or you're gonna watch the replay,

767
00:56:02.800 --> 00:56:03.840
that that is something,

768
00:56:03.840 --> 00:56:06.080
a lie that you've believed about yourself,

769
00:56:06.080 --> 00:56:08.480
that you were not wanted,

770
00:56:08.480 --> 00:56:10.920
that your parents didn't want you or whatever was said.

771
00:56:10.920 --> 00:56:12.800
And that has hindered you and it's hurt you.

772
00:56:12.800 --> 00:56:14.880
And God wants to heal that wound in you.

773
00:56:14.880 --> 00:56:17.920
And then literally, as I was thinking on that,

774
00:56:17.920 --> 00:56:19.760
I looked over to a page in the book

775
00:56:19.760 --> 00:56:22.200
that I don't normally read this during the heart work

776
00:56:22.200 --> 00:56:24.000
because you guys read most of this book,

777
00:56:24.000 --> 00:56:25.020
but this just stood out to me.

778
00:56:25.020 --> 00:56:26.560
So I'm just gonna read it out.

779
00:56:27.280 --> 00:56:28.480
It doesn't matter what story you've been told

780
00:56:28.480 --> 00:56:29.960
about how you were conceived.

781
00:56:29.960 --> 00:56:32.800
You are not random, unwanted or unplanned

782
00:56:32.800 --> 00:56:35.280
because there is no such thing.

783
00:56:35.280 --> 00:56:36.680
If that's ever been said to you,

784
00:56:36.680 --> 00:56:39.960
I break that lie off of you right now.

785
00:56:39.960 --> 00:56:41.960
Your parents might not have been expecting you,

786
00:56:41.960 --> 00:56:44.940
but God certainly was.

787
00:56:46.180 --> 00:56:50.000
God was always expecting us.

788
00:56:50.000 --> 00:56:54.080
You were predicted, you were promised and you were planned.

789
00:56:54.900 --> 00:56:56.160
Praise the Lord.

790
00:56:56.160 --> 00:56:57.000
We were planned.

791
00:56:57.000 --> 00:57:00.800
And I just wanna say that God sees you, that he loves you,

792
00:57:00.800 --> 00:57:02.760
and that he's gonna continue to work in your life

793
00:57:02.760 --> 00:57:03.880
in marvelous ways.

794
00:57:03.880 --> 00:57:06.200
And he's gonna surprise you with all kinds of things

795
00:57:06.200 --> 00:57:08.920
that you never thought could be a part of your story.

796
00:57:08.920 --> 00:57:11.600
And he's gonna just really show you

797
00:57:11.600 --> 00:57:16.600
how for centuries he has always been fighting for you.

798
00:57:18.740 --> 00:57:21.000
Hi, Kim, we're in breakouts right now.

799
00:57:21.040 --> 00:57:24.760
So I'm just praying and talking to the ladies a little bit.

800
00:57:25.960 --> 00:57:29.120
Matthew 5, 14 through 16 in the message version says,

801
00:57:29.120 --> 00:57:31.080
here's another way to put it.

802
00:57:31.080 --> 00:57:32.360
You're here to be a light,

803
00:57:32.360 --> 00:57:34.240
bringing out the God colors in the world.

804
00:57:34.240 --> 00:57:36.200
God is not a secret to be kept.

805
00:57:36.200 --> 00:57:40.240
We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill.

806
00:57:41.260 --> 00:57:42.640
If I make you lightbearers,

807
00:57:42.640 --> 00:57:44.800
you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket,

808
00:57:44.800 --> 00:57:45.640
do you?

809
00:57:45.640 --> 00:57:47.380
I'm putting you on a light stand.

810
00:57:47.380 --> 00:57:50.960
Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand,

811
00:57:51.800 --> 00:57:56.640
shine, keep open house, be generous with your lives.

812
00:57:56.640 --> 00:57:57.960
By opening up to others,

813
00:57:57.960 --> 00:58:01.160
you'll prompt people to open up with God,

814
00:58:01.160 --> 00:58:04.360
this generous father in heaven.

815
00:58:04.360 --> 00:58:05.200
Praise the Lord.

816
00:58:05.200 --> 00:58:06.680
God, I thank you that you would help us

817
00:58:06.680 --> 00:58:09.080
to open up a little bit more tonight.

818
00:58:09.080 --> 00:58:10.800
God, I thank you that you would teach us

819
00:58:10.800 --> 00:58:13.400
what it looks like to shine from the inside out,

820
00:58:13.400 --> 00:58:16.040
that you are making us brand new,

821
00:58:16.040 --> 00:58:18.920
that you're healing us from the inside out.

822
00:58:18.920 --> 00:58:21.600
God, I thank you that, yeah,

823
00:58:21.600 --> 00:58:24.160
out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth is speaking.

824
00:58:24.160 --> 00:58:26.600
So Lord, I pray that if anyone has been struggling

825
00:58:26.600 --> 00:58:28.840
with saying negative things,

826
00:58:28.840 --> 00:58:31.440
maybe it's even cursing or, you know,

827
00:58:31.440 --> 00:58:33.240
putting themselves or other people down,

828
00:58:33.240 --> 00:58:36.360
God, I pray that you would help them to bridle their tongue,

829
00:58:36.360 --> 00:58:38.000
God, but more importantly,

830
00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:40.880
get to the root of the matter in their heart.

831
00:58:40.880 --> 00:58:43.160
So Lord, we just ask you to place the balm of Gilead

832
00:58:43.160 --> 00:58:45.220
upon all of our hearts tonight,

833
00:58:46.220 --> 00:58:51.220
that you would heal all the dark places, the recesses,

834
00:58:51.500 --> 00:58:53.300
all the cracks and crevices.

835
00:58:53.300 --> 00:58:55.820
God, where our foundation was broken long ago,

836
00:58:55.820 --> 00:58:58.120
God, I ask you to fill that with your oil.

837
00:58:59.780 --> 00:59:02.460
The glory of God to be revealed in us and through us

838
00:59:02.460 --> 00:59:05.780
that you are the one that becomes our strong foundation.

839
00:59:05.780 --> 00:59:07.980
God, we can trust you.

840
00:59:07.980 --> 00:59:09.160
Yes, Lord.

841
00:59:10.340 --> 00:59:12.460
The Lord just had to remind you as well

842
00:59:12.460 --> 00:59:13.820
that you can be safe with him.

843
00:59:13.820 --> 00:59:16.900
So Lord, I thank you that we are safe with you.

844
00:59:16.900 --> 00:59:18.500
And I pray that if there's anyone

845
00:59:18.500 --> 00:59:20.740
that is in this heartwork program right now,

846
00:59:21.700 --> 00:59:23.580
that doesn't know the fullness of that truth,

847
00:59:23.580 --> 00:59:26.360
God, I pray that you would show that to them more and more

848
00:59:26.360 --> 00:59:28.220
and more in the days to come.

849
00:59:28.220 --> 00:59:31.160
God, that you would help them to receive your protection,

850
00:59:31.160 --> 00:59:34.900
that you are their defender, you're their provider.

851
00:59:34.900 --> 00:59:37.820
God, that you are their Jehovah Jireh.

852
00:59:37.820 --> 00:59:39.380
You are more than enough for them.

853
00:59:39.380 --> 00:59:44.100
God, you are almighty father, prince of peace.

854
00:59:44.100 --> 00:59:46.880
God, we ask for your peace to come into this room tonight,

855
00:59:46.880 --> 00:59:48.680
into this place and space.

856
00:59:48.680 --> 00:59:52.540
People coming from all over, connecting.

857
00:59:54.000 --> 00:59:56.300
We just thank you that you're in every Zoom room.

858
00:59:56.300 --> 00:59:58.500
Even as conversations are continuing to happen,

859
00:59:58.500 --> 00:59:59.860
you're here in this room.

860
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.080
You're here with those that are going to watch the replay.

861
01:00:02.080 --> 01:00:05.240
And I thank you, God, that you would help them to experience

862
01:00:05.240 --> 01:00:08.160
the full measure of your love.

863
01:00:10.720 --> 01:00:13.760
Yeah, Lord, that you would just wash over them afresh.

864
01:00:13.760 --> 01:00:17.080
God, that you would help them to sense your presence with them right now.

865
01:00:18.360 --> 01:00:21.200
I thank you that you would go into the memory.

866
01:00:23.040 --> 01:00:26.920
I just saw a bunch of TVs, like a memory storage room, if you will.

867
01:00:26.920 --> 01:00:27.840
That's what I was going to say.

868
01:00:27.840 --> 01:00:29.240
And that just came up in my spirit.

869
01:00:30.840 --> 01:00:32.720
That recorded moments from our lives.

870
01:00:32.720 --> 01:00:35.400
God, we just thank you that you would turn all the channels to healing,

871
01:00:35.400 --> 01:00:42.600
to wholeness, to redemption, to restitution, to revival, to renewal.

872
01:00:43.960 --> 01:00:50.600
God, that you would get rid of disease, deception, division, devouring.

873
01:00:51.560 --> 01:00:54.960
We thank you, God, that you are more than enough for us, God.

874
01:00:57.400 --> 01:00:59.240
Yes, Lord, thank you for peace.

875
01:00:59.280 --> 01:01:00.360
God, you are peace.

876
01:01:00.360 --> 01:01:03.320
We thank you that your peace passes all understanding,

877
01:01:03.320 --> 01:01:05.680
that it does guard our hearts and our minds through Christ Jesus.

878
01:01:05.680 --> 01:01:08.960
And I thank you that we get to participate in that,

879
01:01:08.960 --> 01:01:13.560
that we can take every thought captive and make it obedient to Jesus Christ

880
01:01:13.560 --> 01:01:16.680
and to the truth of who he is and all that he died to give us.

881
01:01:17.440 --> 01:01:20.880
We plead the blood of Jesus Christ over ourselves, over our families,

882
01:01:22.520 --> 01:01:26.240
over our situations, the areas where we are still feeling stuck.

883
01:01:26.240 --> 01:01:27.800
God, we thank you for your freedom.

884
01:01:29.360 --> 01:01:31.480
Where the spirit of the Lord is, there's freedom,

885
01:01:31.480 --> 01:01:33.040
there's liberty for the captives.

886
01:01:33.040 --> 01:01:35.560
And so we thank you, God, for bringing liberty and freedom

887
01:01:35.880 --> 01:01:39.840
and in just a supernatural way for the rest of tonight

888
01:01:39.840 --> 01:01:42.560
and in the days to come in Jesus name.

889
01:01:42.560 --> 01:01:45.280
Amen. Welcome back, ladies.

890
01:01:45.280 --> 01:01:47.040
Hello, hello.

891
01:01:47.040 --> 01:01:50.360
Our activation this week, I'm going to give those to you first

892
01:01:50.360 --> 01:01:52.440
and then we'll have the rest of the time for coaching.

893
01:01:53.840 --> 01:01:57.880
Your activation is going to be to complete forgiveness prayer sheets.

894
01:01:58.840 --> 01:02:00.160
You guys can kind of see it there.

895
01:02:00.160 --> 01:02:02.800
I have my thing on, but it's in the coursework.

896
01:02:02.800 --> 01:02:04.720
So you guys know, know those and have those.

897
01:02:04.720 --> 01:02:06.760
Hopefully, excuse me.

898
01:02:06.760 --> 01:02:08.600
You're going to fill those out.

899
01:02:08.600 --> 01:02:11.680
Remember, you want to forgive everybody that's a part of the story,

900
01:02:11.680 --> 01:02:13.840
including yourself, if that is needed.

901
01:02:14.440 --> 01:02:18.320
And then after you fill these out, I want you to create a post in the group

902
01:02:18.320 --> 01:02:21.520
and I want you to tell us about who is God leading you to forgive

903
01:02:21.960 --> 01:02:24.120
and don't feel like you've got to storm up all week.

904
01:02:24.120 --> 01:02:27.560
Come in and, you know, short, brief and powerful in there to share

905
01:02:27.560 --> 01:02:28.280
what you feel led.

906
01:02:28.280 --> 01:02:30.200
Remember, you don't have to give all the gory details.

907
01:02:30.200 --> 01:02:33.240
Just tell us, you know, the kind of like the highlight reel, if you will.

908
01:02:34.080 --> 01:02:37.360
Unless there's something that you really feel like, OK, I have to share this

909
01:02:37.360 --> 01:02:40.520
because I feel like God is like wanting me to break free.

910
01:02:40.520 --> 01:02:42.760
I've never told anybody about this before.

911
01:02:43.040 --> 01:02:45.320
You know, as I as I've mentioned before.

912
01:02:46.360 --> 01:02:51.120
We've had people confess like having abortions and all kinds of stuff.

913
01:02:51.120 --> 01:02:52.680
Ladies, there's a lot of brokenness.

914
01:02:52.680 --> 01:02:54.840
So let's come out of that.

915
01:02:54.840 --> 01:02:56.080
Oh, the group on the app.

916
01:02:56.080 --> 01:02:57.680
So last year, single app.

917
01:02:57.680 --> 01:03:00.920
That's where you're going to share that in the community tab.

918
01:03:01.120 --> 01:03:03.760
I do want to read the forgiveness prayer over you guys.

919
01:03:03.760 --> 01:03:05.440
I haven't done this in a really long time,

920
01:03:05.440 --> 01:03:07.480
but I felt led to do it multiple times today.

921
01:03:07.480 --> 01:03:09.200
So I want to be obedient to that.

922
01:03:09.200 --> 01:03:11.680
And then I see some ladies already have their hands up.

923
01:03:12.040 --> 01:03:13.960
So we'll start that here in a moment.

924
01:03:13.960 --> 01:03:17.080
So as as we're stepping into forgiveness,

925
01:03:17.080 --> 01:03:20.000
I thought it would be really great to read this over you

926
01:03:20.800 --> 01:03:23.200
as you're filling these forgiveness prayer sheets out.

927
01:03:23.200 --> 01:03:25.480
I want you to be specific, OK?

928
01:03:25.480 --> 01:03:28.520
So. I don't want you to say,

929
01:03:28.520 --> 01:03:31.960
I forgive Johnny for being mean to me.

930
01:03:33.480 --> 01:03:37.240
OK, that's a good start, but let's be specific.

931
01:03:37.240 --> 01:03:38.680
How was Johnny mean to you?

932
01:03:38.680 --> 01:03:40.160
Did he say something to you?

933
01:03:40.160 --> 01:03:43.520
Did he do something physical, you know, where you're actually saying what it is

934
01:03:43.520 --> 01:03:47.320
because it says, Dear Heavenly Father, in obedience to your instructions

935
01:03:47.320 --> 01:03:51.280
to forgive others, I purpose and choose to forgive.

936
01:03:51.360 --> 01:03:54.120
You're going to write their name, name of the person who offended you

937
01:03:54.480 --> 01:03:57.960
for state the offense that was caused against you.

938
01:03:58.280 --> 01:04:01.640
I release the name of the person who offended you.

939
01:04:01.960 --> 01:04:06.120
I cancel the debt they owe me from this trauma. Wow.

940
01:04:06.920 --> 01:04:10.000
God, I ask you to forgive me for any unforgiveness and bitterness

941
01:04:10.000 --> 01:04:13.520
towards you say their name again in this situation.

942
01:04:13.840 --> 01:04:17.200
In the name of Jesus, I cancel all of Satan's power and authority

943
01:04:17.200 --> 01:04:21.080
over me from this trauma because I have forgiven them.

944
01:04:21.080 --> 01:04:23.080
And God has forgiven me.

945
01:04:23.080 --> 01:04:26.520
It is done. And now it is over forever.

946
01:04:27.520 --> 01:04:29.800
Holy Spirit, please come and heal my heart

947
01:04:30.080 --> 01:04:33.560
and tell me your truth about this situation.

948
01:04:33.880 --> 01:04:36.360
And then you're going to wait and you're going to ask the Holy Spirit

949
01:04:36.600 --> 01:04:39.520
to show you like truth about that situation.

950
01:04:39.760 --> 01:04:43.160
And for some of you, you might not have something that comes up right then.

951
01:04:43.160 --> 01:04:45.760
You can write. I'm not hearing anything right now.

952
01:04:46.080 --> 01:04:47.240
But then I want you to go.

953
01:04:47.240 --> 01:04:48.600
I want you to be praying about that.

954
01:04:48.600 --> 01:04:51.480
And if the word shows you something, you would go back and jot that down

955
01:04:51.480 --> 01:04:53.800
later on. OK.

956
01:04:54.320 --> 01:04:56.720
All right, we're going to cancel some debts tonight.

957
01:04:56.720 --> 01:04:58.080
I'm excited about this.

958
01:04:58.080 --> 01:04:59.960
I see Yasha's hand up first.

959
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.880
Tonight, we'd love to hear what you have to say.

960
01:05:04.020 --> 01:05:05.740
Thanks, Bethany.

961
01:05:05.740 --> 01:05:08.540
So I think from the group chat

962
01:05:08.540 --> 01:05:11.220
and also the activation question,

963
01:05:12.140 --> 01:05:15.500
who I need to forgive is myself

964
01:05:15.500 --> 01:05:17.420
because I've been having this,

965
01:05:17.420 --> 01:05:21.220
going through this bad spiral of watching too much TV

966
01:05:21.220 --> 01:05:24.380
and not achieving the goals I wanted to achieve.

967
01:05:24.380 --> 01:05:27.740
I mean, I tried your method of when I come home,

968
01:05:27.740 --> 01:05:29.940
don't switch on the TV for the first 15 minutes.

969
01:05:29.940 --> 01:05:31.620
I've tried that and it's working fine.

970
01:05:31.620 --> 01:05:33.820
So thank you so much for that.

971
01:05:33.820 --> 01:05:36.660
So, but I've felt that sometimes

972
01:05:36.660 --> 01:05:40.060
when I go through stressful situations at work

973
01:05:40.060 --> 01:05:44.020
and also I'm going through a healing process

974
01:05:44.020 --> 01:05:47.100
of forgiving my ex for all that he has done,

975
01:05:47.100 --> 01:05:49.240
the deception, the lying and all that.

976
01:05:50.220 --> 01:05:52.040
So I'm, to be honest,

977
01:05:52.040 --> 01:05:55.140
I'm actually at the forgiveness chapter of the hard work

978
01:05:55.140 --> 01:05:59.440
and I feel I'm going pretty slow, like page by page slow.

979
01:05:59.960 --> 01:06:00.960
But then again, I know it's important

980
01:06:00.960 --> 01:06:02.200
that I need to write it down

981
01:06:02.200 --> 01:06:04.040
and pray through what God is revealing to me.

982
01:06:04.040 --> 01:06:07.680
So, so I, just to give a bit of context,

983
01:06:07.680 --> 01:06:09.400
last year, I mean, I want,

984
01:06:09.400 --> 01:06:12.160
I've always been the kid or the adult

985
01:06:12.160 --> 01:06:13.800
who wants to be in routines

986
01:06:13.800 --> 01:06:16.360
because I've grown up to be the only child in the family

987
01:06:16.360 --> 01:06:19.840
and I grew up in Sri Lanka, that's South Asia.

988
01:06:19.840 --> 01:06:21.440
So my parents have been, you know,

989
01:06:21.440 --> 01:06:23.600
to study well, to be well, you know,

990
01:06:23.600 --> 01:06:25.820
it's kind of all these strict frameworks

991
01:06:25.820 --> 01:06:28.680
that I used to be in when I was a child.

992
01:06:28.680 --> 01:06:30.280
So yes, I mean, thanks to that,

993
01:06:30.280 --> 01:06:33.160
I achieved a lot in life professionally,

994
01:06:33.160 --> 01:06:35.800
but I feel that during my adult life,

995
01:06:35.800 --> 01:06:38.240
I kind of beat myself a lot for it.

996
01:06:38.240 --> 01:06:42.080
And then sometimes I kind of, you know, give up on myself.

997
01:06:42.080 --> 01:06:44.720
It's like, you know, if I say for an example,

998
01:06:44.720 --> 01:06:46.900
okay, don't watch too much TV, don't eat,

999
01:06:46.900 --> 01:06:48.300
like, you know, eat healthy.

1000
01:06:48.300 --> 01:06:51.220
So then I kept myself doing it.

1001
01:06:51.220 --> 01:06:53.120
And then I thought, okay, you know, what's the use of it?

1002
01:06:53.120 --> 01:06:54.080
Let's just do it.

1003
01:06:54.080 --> 01:06:55.600
And then I know I sleep late.

1004
01:06:55.600 --> 01:06:58.960
And for an example, yesterday, I was up till about two.

1005
01:06:58.960 --> 01:07:01.960
Yes, I did have a very tough time at work

1006
01:07:01.960 --> 01:07:03.560
and my spirit was broken.

1007
01:07:03.560 --> 01:07:06.720
And then, but I resorted to watching TV

1008
01:07:06.720 --> 01:07:09.840
and just watching some comedy to laugh.

1009
01:07:09.840 --> 01:07:13.520
But I think staying up until 2 a.m. is not healthy.

1010
01:07:13.520 --> 01:07:15.400
So if you have any helpful tips,

1011
01:07:15.400 --> 01:07:17.440
I mean, I would love to hear it.

1012
01:07:17.440 --> 01:07:19.120
You know, it's really interesting.

1013
01:07:19.120 --> 01:07:20.120
You would not know this,

1014
01:07:20.120 --> 01:07:22.000
but I literally have been talking to Lord

1015
01:07:22.000 --> 01:07:24.600
about this myself because I found myself

1016
01:07:24.600 --> 01:07:26.280
in the last week really just,

1017
01:07:26.280 --> 01:07:30.000
I was exhausted and I had things I needed to get done,

1018
01:07:30.000 --> 01:07:33.320
but I found myself doing something very similar.

1019
01:07:33.320 --> 01:07:35.060
And literally as you were talking,

1020
01:07:35.060 --> 01:07:36.720
I don't even think I made this connection

1021
01:07:36.720 --> 01:07:38.360
until you were talking.

1022
01:07:38.360 --> 01:07:43.280
But my mom used to do something similar.

1023
01:07:43.280 --> 01:07:44.480
When she would get really overwhelmed,

1024
01:07:44.480 --> 01:07:48.040
my mom watched TV for hours upon hours upon hours at night,

1025
01:07:48.040 --> 01:07:50.960
and I resented her for that.

1026
01:07:52.240 --> 01:07:54.560
And so I'm seeing a connection in my spirit,

1027
01:07:55.400 --> 01:07:57.680
myself tonight, that I think there's something to that.

1028
01:07:57.680 --> 01:07:59.800
I think that I need to forgive my mom

1029
01:07:59.800 --> 01:08:02.400
for vegging out on TV all the time.

1030
01:08:02.400 --> 01:08:05.520
And I need to forgive myself for judging her for that.

1031
01:08:05.520 --> 01:08:09.800
And just see if that changes anything in the spirit realm.

1032
01:08:09.800 --> 01:08:12.040
I'm not saying it will just make me have

1033
01:08:12.040 --> 01:08:14.920
like that good habit, like right out of nowhere,

1034
01:08:14.920 --> 01:08:16.359
but I'm saying for the most part,

1035
01:08:16.359 --> 01:08:18.359
I'm pretty like, I go, go, go, go, go.

1036
01:08:18.359 --> 01:08:20.840
And then I hit a wall and then I'm like down.

1037
01:08:20.880 --> 01:08:25.880
But I do feel led to really watch that

1038
01:08:26.240 --> 01:08:28.800
because I think the enemy is trying to use it

1039
01:08:28.800 --> 01:08:31.760
to keep me from getting some things done, like you said.

1040
01:08:31.760 --> 01:08:33.479
Not just that I want to get done,

1041
01:08:33.479 --> 01:08:36.560
but God is calling me to do.

1042
01:08:36.560 --> 01:08:39.080
But I do get overwhelmed with all the things

1043
01:08:39.080 --> 01:08:40.080
that have to get done.

1044
01:08:40.080 --> 01:08:43.279
And that's when I sense it kind of kicking in,

1045
01:08:43.279 --> 01:08:46.439
and I just kind of want to like escape.

1046
01:08:46.439 --> 01:08:49.680
And so I'm saying all that to say,

1047
01:08:49.680 --> 01:08:52.560
I see that similar thing with my mom.

1048
01:08:52.560 --> 01:08:56.080
Like, she's not here to ask her,

1049
01:08:56.080 --> 01:08:59.359
but I think that's why she did it.

1050
01:08:59.359 --> 01:09:02.800
It was kind of like escapism, if you will, you know?

1051
01:09:02.800 --> 01:09:05.319
And she would lay there with a bag of potato chips

1052
01:09:05.319 --> 01:09:08.439
and just eat like a whole bag of potato chips at night.

1053
01:09:08.439 --> 01:09:10.359
And I even have caught myself doing,

1054
01:09:10.359 --> 01:09:11.680
I'm not even hungry sometimes,

1055
01:09:11.680 --> 01:09:14.240
and I'm catching myself doing behaviors

1056
01:09:14.240 --> 01:09:16.479
that I saw happening

1057
01:09:16.479 --> 01:09:19.359
and that I criticized her internally for.

1058
01:09:20.040 --> 01:09:21.840
And so I'm not sure if that will resonate for you,

1059
01:09:21.840 --> 01:09:23.200
but I just felt led to share it

1060
01:09:23.200 --> 01:09:24.680
because it might help somebody else

1061
01:09:24.680 --> 01:09:26.520
if that didn't apply for you.

1062
01:09:26.520 --> 01:09:30.800
But as far as like healthy boundaries

1063
01:09:30.800 --> 01:09:32.120
and going to bed on time,

1064
01:09:32.120 --> 01:09:34.000
like I don't normally stay up late.

1065
01:09:34.000 --> 01:09:35.720
I'm normally trying to ask my husband like,

1066
01:09:35.720 --> 01:09:37.680
hey, can we, let's go to bed.

1067
01:09:37.680 --> 01:09:39.520
Because I wake up if he comes in after me.

1068
01:09:39.520 --> 01:09:42.120
And then the last couple of nights I've been staying up late

1069
01:09:42.120 --> 01:09:43.840
and I don't even know why I'm like,

1070
01:09:43.840 --> 01:09:46.840
I don't need to stay up late, I'm just staying up late.

1071
01:09:47.240 --> 01:09:50.319
And so the best answer I have for you

1072
01:09:50.319 --> 01:09:52.960
is we just need to go to bed.

1073
01:09:52.960 --> 01:09:54.440
We just need to go to bed.

1074
01:09:54.440 --> 01:09:56.960
And I know that simplifies it so much.

1075
01:09:56.960 --> 01:09:58.440
And I'm not saying it's easy,

1076
01:09:58.440 --> 01:10:00.720
but like I need to go to bed.

1077
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:07.400
I think there's something in me sometimes where I work so hard that I just don't want to follow the rules for a little while.

1078
01:10:08.400 --> 01:10:14.040
But then I feel terrible the next day. So then I'm like paying for that not good decision.

1079
01:10:14.240 --> 01:10:18.080
And so I'd much rather go to bed early and feel great the next day.

1080
01:10:18.800 --> 01:10:23.120
And so I have to really like lean into that. Okay, I don't feel good when I stay up late.

1081
01:10:23.560 --> 01:10:30.920
So I'm going to choose to really care for myself well, and go to bed early, if you will.

1082
01:10:31.440 --> 01:10:38.640
So like, for example, sometimes where I feel the most challenged by that is I coach on here until like 930, sometimes 945.

1083
01:10:38.800 --> 01:10:48.200
And y'all, I'm pretty amped when I get off of here. Like, I'm like, I'm feeling the Holy Spirit when I'm coaching, I feel all this, you know, supernatural stuff God's doing.

1084
01:10:48.720 --> 01:10:57.640
And I'm not like, getting off here being like, Oh, let me just go right to bed. Like, I need time to wind down. I need time to kind of decompress.

1085
01:10:57.640 --> 01:11:09.000
And, and so it might be to Yash that you might need to kind of decide what are some things you might be able to do in addition to the 15 minutes of not turning it on when you first get home.

1086
01:11:09.280 --> 01:11:17.040
But maybe you need to like build in some kind of, and I'm speaking to myself, but some kind of relaxation stuff.

1087
01:11:18.040 --> 01:11:30.520
That will feed your soul in another way. Because I think sometimes, at least from my experience, I avoid doing some of the things that I have on my list to do like writing my book.

1088
01:11:30.920 --> 01:11:41.960
Because in order to write my book, I need to go back and re-experience some of those things that I'm going to be writing about. And I don't always want to do that. Does that make sense?

1089
01:11:42.280 --> 01:11:43.960
Yeah, it does. It does.

1090
01:11:44.400 --> 01:12:01.440
And so it's, it's not a quick fix. I know I kind of mentioned a couple different things. I think consistency for us is key. Looking at why are we avoiding something, for example, like how I just wrote, I'm avoiding sometimes it's not even a, it's not even a conscious thing.

1091
01:12:01.440 --> 01:12:19.040
Sometimes it is a subconscious thing that's happening. And where I'm avoiding writing the book, or I'm feeling that overwhelmed. And I just want to like, I just want to procrastinate and not do it. But even procrastination is a self protection mechanism.

1092
01:12:20.040 --> 01:12:48.920
We learned this stuff. So let's get to the root of what's causing us again, speaking myself, I'm getting revelation myself tonight. This is how it works as a heartwork coach. But, and then we can kind of see where God leads, you know, you from there, you can come into the group and kind of talk about it, maybe even have an accountability partner, Yash, that probably is another layer that would be really good for you, a woman that you're going to be really honest with, that's going to be loving, you

1093
01:12:48.920 --> 01:12:56.240
don't need anybody that's harsh, you've already had a parent, you know, parents, you don't need a parent, you just need a friend who loves you, and will hold you accountable.

1094
01:12:58.280 --> 01:12:59.840
Thank you so much. It's really helpful.

1095
01:12:59.880 --> 01:13:07.040
Oh, you're welcome. Yeah, my pleasure. All right. Let's see, Michelle, I see you next on here.

1096
01:13:09.800 --> 01:13:13.040
Um, I don't think I was next in order. So

1097
01:13:13.080 --> 01:13:16.600
Oh, that's, it's okay. You're just next on my TV screen here.

1098
01:13:16.600 --> 01:13:46.560
Right. Well, I apologize to Wendy and Leslie. Um, so when you talked about the forgiveness prayer, and you know, being ready to forgive, um, one of the people that I'm thinking of that I was in a relationship with for 10 years, I laughed, I was on mute, of course, when you were saying go ahead and forgive. And I'm like, I'm not, I'm just not gonna do it. I'm not gonna forgive. And of course, I know, you know what, I, you know, intellectually and spiritually understand what Jesus has done for us.

1099
01:13:46.600 --> 01:13:57.800
It doesn't give me any, you know, leg to stand on on that. But I'm going to own that that is how I'm feeling right now. And I really laughed. And I'm like, I'm just not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. So I would love

1100
01:13:58.360 --> 01:14:10.880
Yes, I love that you're owning it. This is huge. This is the Hey, this is step number one. So let me ask you a couple more questions, if that's okay. So you dated this person for 10 years, or were you guys married or

1101
01:14:11.880 --> 01:14:26.080
So to be clear, I was in what I would I saw this person as a brother. Okay. And I treated him as such. And I honored that. And I really saw him as family. What I did not know

1102
01:14:27.080 --> 01:14:50.080
is that he did not see me that way. And he was videoing me behind my back to get different angles on me. And he, you know, was masturbating to it. And I felt a connection with him that I felt like he was inside me a lot of times, like, like spiritually energy, energy wise, I don't know how to explain it another way. And I never quite understood it.

1103
01:14:50.080 --> 01:14:57.080
And I felt very one with him, and I never quite understood it, because it's not what I had offered to him.

1104
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.620
family. He never crossed the physical boundary. But he was

1105
01:15:03.620 --> 01:15:07.100
clearly operating on another level with me in a very intimate

1106
01:15:07.100 --> 01:15:11.280
way. And I'm a I'm what they would call a highly sensitive

1107
01:15:11.340 --> 01:15:15.840
person, you know, if we get any kind of label. And for me, I

1108
01:15:15.860 --> 01:15:19.920
really felt him so close in my life. That was one of the

1109
01:15:19.920 --> 01:15:23.880
reasons why I never chose to actually get involved with him

1110
01:15:23.880 --> 01:15:28.060
further because I felt like, wow, if we're already this

1111
01:15:28.060 --> 01:15:31.540
close now, if I get any closer to him, I'll be really

1112
01:15:31.540 --> 01:15:35.980
overwhelmed. This is too much because the oneness that I felt

1113
01:15:35.980 --> 01:15:40.060
with him exposed me to a lot of his emotions. And he was not a

1114
01:15:40.060 --> 01:15:44.940
healthy. He was not a happy person, even though he was a

1115
01:15:44.940 --> 01:15:49.060
Christian, and a devout one at that, it would seem but but it

1116
01:15:49.060 --> 01:15:53.100
opened me up to it's a whole nother story. You know, now, we

1117
01:15:53.100 --> 01:15:56.180
don't have the time to get into that night, it'll unravel over

1118
01:15:56.180 --> 01:15:59.460
time as I do this program. But it's just to say, and I think

1119
01:15:59.500 --> 01:16:03.140
maybe this will help you help me right now, is I think part of

1120
01:16:03.140 --> 01:16:05.940
the reason I'm like, yeah, no, I'm not doing that is because I

1121
01:16:05.940 --> 01:16:09.340
think if I forgive him, like fully, fully, because there's

1122
01:16:09.340 --> 01:16:12.220
definitely layers of forgiveness, I have completely

1123
01:16:12.220 --> 01:16:16.100
offered him. But there's something else that's not yet

1124
01:16:16.260 --> 01:16:22.180
clear 100%. It's because I fear I will go right, I will forget

1125
01:16:22.300 --> 01:16:25.340
everything that's like forgiveness and forget will come

1126
01:16:25.340 --> 01:16:30.060
at the same time. And I will go right back into this, this this

1127
01:16:30.100 --> 01:16:34.340
closeness with him. And I do not believe he's in a place where

1128
01:16:34.340 --> 01:16:37.820
things have truly changed for him. So I have to keep a very

1129
01:16:37.820 --> 01:16:42.020
clear boundary with him right now. So I use some layer of

1130
01:16:42.020 --> 01:16:44.900
unforgiveness as a means of a boundary.

1131
01:16:45.620 --> 01:16:49.940
Yeah, so the enemy is tricking you there. Okay. Because here's

1132
01:16:49.980 --> 01:16:56.540
the thing, Michelle. As you heal, you can be strong enough

1133
01:16:56.540 --> 01:17:01.580
to have self control and set healthy boundaries. But the

1134
01:17:01.580 --> 01:17:04.660
enemy is tricking you into convincing you that not

1135
01:17:04.660 --> 01:17:09.500
forgiving him is keeping you safe. And it's actually harming

1136
01:17:09.500 --> 01:17:15.660
you. And it's actually keeping you tethered to him. Okay. So I

1137
01:17:15.660 --> 01:17:18.460
know, I understand all the things that you're describing. I

1138
01:17:18.460 --> 01:17:21.500
understand the closeness. I mean, those were soul ties that

1139
01:17:21.500 --> 01:17:24.660
were being created in the spirit because of things he was doing,

1140
01:17:24.940 --> 01:17:28.180
and participating in. And so even I would encourage you to go

1141
01:17:28.180 --> 01:17:30.580
ahead and do this soul ties, even if you're not in that week

1142
01:17:30.580 --> 01:17:34.300
yet, go ahead and watch that video. And even if you've done

1143
01:17:34.300 --> 01:17:37.740
soul ties before people told me that, you know, I get it, we all

1144
01:17:37.740 --> 01:17:41.940
come in from different places. But you're in this program at

1145
01:17:41.940 --> 01:17:45.100
this time going through this specific program, and we believe

1146
01:17:45.100 --> 01:17:48.740
God's anointing is on that, excuse me to give you

1147
01:17:48.740 --> 01:17:52.780
revelation in a fresh way. And soul ties aren't just sexual,

1148
01:17:52.820 --> 01:17:56.460
okay, they're emotional. They're mental. Sometimes people have

1149
01:17:56.460 --> 01:17:59.220
soul ties with people that are dead. Sometimes people have soul

1150
01:17:59.220 --> 01:18:02.620
ties with pets and animals. I mean, there's so many things

1151
01:18:02.620 --> 01:18:09.340
that people don't realize we can connect to spiritually, because

1152
01:18:09.340 --> 01:18:14.700
of a dependency that is built on that person. So while he was,

1153
01:18:14.700 --> 01:18:18.020
you know, engaging in these very unhealthy things, I'm going to

1154
01:18:18.020 --> 01:18:21.740
probably encourage Well, I am going to encourage you to pray

1155
01:18:21.740 --> 01:18:26.540
about whether or not you became codependent on him in any way.

1156
01:18:27.060 --> 01:18:33.220
And, you know, enmeshment is coming up as well. And so part

1157
01:18:33.220 --> 01:18:36.180
of the the healing and this is where the enemies convinced you

1158
01:18:36.180 --> 01:18:40.540
that not forgiving is protecting you. Actually, the forgiving is

1159
01:18:40.540 --> 01:18:44.500
going to release you and you're going to become less enmeshed

1160
01:18:44.500 --> 01:18:48.140
with him. And the the healing that you're going through is

1161
01:18:48.140 --> 01:18:53.220
going to help unravel that more. And as we heal from, you know,

1162
01:18:53.220 --> 01:18:55.860
people that we become enmeshed with, you know, enmeshment,

1163
01:18:55.860 --> 01:19:00.260
basically, it's where you lose the lines of who you are and who

1164
01:19:00.260 --> 01:19:05.740
they are. Okay. And people can be enmeshed with parents,

1165
01:19:05.740 --> 01:19:08.780
siblings, you know, romantic partners, friends, even like

1166
01:19:08.780 --> 01:19:14.020
this kind of dynamic. And so that's why the enemies get

1167
01:19:14.020 --> 01:19:18.220
convincing you that you're not going to be capable of setting a

1168
01:19:18.220 --> 01:19:22.020
boundary that you're going to go right back to who you were. But

1169
01:19:22.100 --> 01:19:25.660
what we are going to believe and partner with, including you

1170
01:19:25.660 --> 01:19:30.100
hopefully, that you are able to forgive you able to release him

1171
01:19:30.100 --> 01:19:34.260
fully, and that God is going to enable you to be strong and

1172
01:19:34.260 --> 01:19:36.740
courageous to set healthy boundaries for yourself because

1173
01:19:36.740 --> 01:19:39.820
you are becoming someone new. You're stepping out of

1174
01:19:39.820 --> 01:19:41.900
counterfeit identities, you're stepping out of being

1175
01:19:41.940 --> 01:19:45.100
codependent on him, you're stepping out of, you know, lines

1176
01:19:45.100 --> 01:19:48.340
being crossed that were never intended to be crossed. And you

1177
01:19:48.340 --> 01:19:51.420
are becoming more of who God and, you know, created you to

1178
01:19:51.420 --> 01:19:54.060
be and you're, you're going to be able to walk in, you know,

1179
01:19:54.060 --> 01:19:57.460
the Bible talks about all the fruits of the spirit, love, joy,

1180
01:19:57.460 --> 01:19:59.900
peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,

1181
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.920
self-control. A lot of times people we talk about self-control about sex a lot

1182
01:20:04.920 --> 01:20:09.120
and that is true but it's about you know even what we're talking about about the

1183
01:20:09.120 --> 01:20:16.200
TV and the overeating and you know the enemy is pounding Christians right now

1184
01:20:16.200 --> 01:20:22.300
with like trying to get us to not walk in self-control to be distracted all the

1185
01:20:22.300 --> 01:20:28.640
time to have blurred boundaries all the time because if he can do that then he

1186
01:20:28.640 --> 01:20:34.200
can render us powerless in one way shape or another and so what I encourage you

1187
01:20:34.200 --> 01:20:37.440
go ahead and step in even though I know I hear what you're saying and I

1188
01:20:37.440 --> 01:20:43.760
understand why you kind of have believed that and fallen into that but again it's

1189
01:20:43.760 --> 01:20:48.720
like I was saying earlier this is what's happening right now okay when you forgive

1190
01:20:48.720 --> 01:20:53.400
him fully it's going to undo this and then I think it's gonna give you the

1191
01:20:53.400 --> 01:20:57.080
answer that you need there you said there's another thing that you're trying

1192
01:20:57.080 --> 01:21:00.240
to get an answer for or at least that's the way I understood what you're saying

1193
01:21:00.240 --> 01:21:05.000
I think that you forgiving him is actually going to unleash some of those

1194
01:21:05.000 --> 01:21:10.880
other answers that you need the other thing I will say is you know here's the

1195
01:21:10.880 --> 01:21:16.280
reality ladies and this is for everyone you know we would not encourage you all

1196
01:21:16.280 --> 01:21:26.120
to go back into unhealthy dynamics with people okay I'm not saying you can't you

1197
01:21:26.120 --> 01:21:31.080
know be kind to people that you have to like just wall people out some of you

1198
01:21:31.080 --> 01:21:36.880
all will will feel led to go back and minister to those people but some of you

1199
01:21:36.880 --> 01:21:41.800
all need to take a break until you gain strength until you learn how to set

1200
01:21:41.800 --> 01:21:45.880
healthy boundaries some of you all are never gonna be asked to go around those

1201
01:21:45.880 --> 01:21:52.320
people ever again God is actually gonna ask some of you to cut cords with people

1202
01:21:52.320 --> 01:21:57.400
that you're currently friends with or have other ties with business partners

1203
01:21:57.400 --> 01:22:00.960
I just heard in my spirit to some of y'all even have business partnerships

1204
01:22:00.960 --> 01:22:06.600
that need to end because they're toxic and unhealthy for you so I don't know if

1205
01:22:06.600 --> 01:22:12.040
anyone's feeling that but I believe that is for someone so Michelle go ahead and

1206
01:22:12.040 --> 01:22:16.720
do that forgiveness prayer sheet and let's see what God does please come into

1207
01:22:16.720 --> 01:22:20.480
the group and do a post and let me know how you're doing because I I'm with you

1208
01:22:20.480 --> 01:22:24.960
okay like I want you to know I understand that it's not easy but I want

1209
01:22:24.960 --> 01:22:29.200
you to know that even things that are not easy are always worth it and this is

1210
01:22:29.200 --> 01:22:33.800
gonna be worth it for you it's not about him this isn't about him at all it is

1211
01:22:33.800 --> 01:22:40.320
because it happened with him but this is about you walking into full freedom well

1212
01:22:40.320 --> 01:22:46.480
I'd like to add one thing before my thing here but while you were talking

1213
01:22:46.480 --> 01:22:50.720
what came through was I don't trust myself so I'm thinking if I forgive him

1214
01:22:50.720 --> 01:22:55.400
then I go back and it's like oh that's not I guess it just revealed that the

1215
01:22:55.400 --> 01:23:01.120
core problem is not so much that I can't forgive him but it's that I don't trust

1216
01:23:01.120 --> 01:23:04.800
myself and it comes to the self-control and all that so that's really maybe

1217
01:23:04.800 --> 01:23:10.080
where the real healing has to take well and that will come so okay let's add

1218
01:23:10.080 --> 01:23:13.720
another layer this layer to this I think you're gonna also need to do a

1219
01:23:13.720 --> 01:23:17.600
forgiveness prayer sheet for yourself I think you need to forgive yourself and

1220
01:23:17.600 --> 01:23:22.360
see what the Lord brings up regarding that in this situation with him if there

1221
01:23:22.360 --> 01:23:27.040
were any flags that God was like saying stuff to you that you blew past or any

1222
01:23:27.040 --> 01:23:32.200
boundaries that you felt led to set that you didn't honor like I'm also hearing

1223
01:23:32.200 --> 01:23:37.080
if there were any and again it's not that you did something necessarily to

1224
01:23:37.080 --> 01:23:43.760
create this dynamic as far as the sexual things go but when we break our

1225
01:23:43.760 --> 01:23:49.160
values even regarding our own boundaries we're breaking our word to ourselves and

1226
01:23:49.160 --> 01:23:54.600
that's where we start to not trust ourselves and so it is gonna take time

1227
01:23:54.600 --> 01:23:58.240
for you to grow to trust yourself again and that's gonna start by you forgiving

1228
01:23:58.240 --> 01:24:03.880
yourself first and foremost and then learning how to trust yourself more in

1229
01:24:03.880 --> 01:24:08.200
the days that come and and the way that you can do that is when you say you're

1230
01:24:08.200 --> 01:24:15.440
gonna do something like set a boundary that you keep it okay it's just like any

1231
01:24:15.440 --> 01:24:20.040
of us when we start to lift weights like you know we have to start with five

1232
01:24:20.040 --> 01:24:26.040
pounders right at least I do and then we go up from there and so there it's the

1233
01:24:26.040 --> 01:24:29.080
same kind of thing with setting boundaries we have to start small we

1234
01:24:29.080 --> 01:24:33.840
have to get some wins in our bag and then as we get some wins we're gonna

1235
01:24:33.840 --> 01:24:37.080
gain some momentum and we're gonna start to trust ourselves more we're gonna

1236
01:24:37.080 --> 01:24:40.200
become stronger and self-control whatever that looks like and then what

1237
01:24:40.200 --> 01:24:44.600
can happen just like any even you all we work out we work out we work out we get

1238
01:24:44.600 --> 01:24:49.720
in shape well what happens when we quit working out some of us start to atrophy

1239
01:24:49.720 --> 01:24:55.680
and we go back right yeah yeah so we have to continue again I'm speaking to

1240
01:24:55.680 --> 01:25:01.840
myself tonight we have to continue to work this muscle

1241
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:18.000
To not go against our own word with ourselves to not eat the food that we don't want to eat to turn the TV off when we should turn it off and go to bed, you know, so praying for you I'm excited for you so glad that you share tonight, and we look forward to hearing updates on how this goes.

1242
01:25:18.000 --> 01:25:28.000
You're welcome Wendy Go ahead.

1243
01:25:28.000 --> 01:25:42.000
Oh, you're muted.

1244
01:25:42.000 --> 01:25:46.000
Oh, I still can't hear you.

1245
01:25:46.000 --> 01:26:06.000
Let me see if I can send it through to you. Okay, how about this, I finally did this. Hey, you spoke on a business relationship I've been in a pretty kind of a toxic relationship in my business in the business that the company I do business with.

1246
01:26:06.000 --> 01:26:14.000
Is this is this different that I know is this different than your siblings this is someone else.

1247
01:26:14.000 --> 01:26:25.000
Um, this is like I'm in, you know, in Arkansas, you have to have a broker, and I'm a real estate agent, and I've been regrouping about doing something else.

1248
01:26:26.000 --> 01:26:37.000
But still kind of dabble in real estate, but, um, and I have somebody who's my mentor, she's kind of is very jealous.

1249
01:26:38.000 --> 01:26:53.000
I'm pretty laid back and I just like my clients I just, you know, I really like the people I serve and, and that kind of thing but I get get into the too much busy work that keeps me away from what I like to do.

1250
01:26:53.000 --> 01:27:12.000
And so I've kind of, I think that that's this ship has sailed in my life I used to do bank foreclosure listings years ago so I thought I'd get back into it and so I'm in back into it and it's not the same for me, like it used to be.

1251
01:27:12.000 --> 01:27:21.000
So I'm looking at doing something else business wise. So, um, how do you know you're, I mean I think I want to dabble in the dating part.

1252
01:27:22.000 --> 01:27:30.000
I'm kind of getting are you in phase two just so I can keep that line for my ladies in phase, are you in phase two now Wendy.

1253
01:27:30.000 --> 01:27:37.000
No, I have not decided to do that yet but I would like to. Can you do both as you transition.

1254
01:27:38.000 --> 01:27:45.000
It depends on what you signed up, like what program subscription you signed up with. I have no idea.

1255
01:27:45.000 --> 01:27:59.000
Yeah, I don't either. So the best way to get an answer for that is to email admin at Jackie doorman.com, and they can let you know, just because there were different programs when different people signed up so they would have to tell you what that is.

1256
01:28:00.000 --> 01:28:15.000
But I don't do dating coaching and heartwork so even people that are in phase two. I try to keep it very focused on heartwork now I have allowed people to ask certain questions if they're stuck in situationships, and all of that.

1257
01:28:15.000 --> 01:28:25.000
They are people typically that came in and we're already in those dynamics. And so if you have an actual dating question that would need to wait until you get to phase two.

1258
01:28:26.000 --> 01:28:41.000
Right, but I'm kind of just dipping my want to dip my toe in the, the idea of like starting to do, you know, start doing that online dating and start getting that started, you know, not you finish with the hard work.

1259
01:28:42.000 --> 01:28:57.000
Most of it. Yeah. Okay, well, I know our recommendation is for you all to fully finish the hard work. And when you finish the hard work that you would move into phase two and then when you go into phase two that is when you should start dipping your toe in the water.

1260
01:28:57.000 --> 01:29:02.000
As of right now you're saying that you're not finished yet so we would encourage you to finish the hard work.

1261
01:29:03.000 --> 01:29:05.000
I'm at 95%.

1262
01:29:05.000 --> 01:29:21.000
That's okay, let's finish it all the way let's get that fat that last 5% done and all finished and then literally you can move into phase two, and you can start dipping your toe in the water there, and that we want people to finish really well with excellence and that means finish all the way.

1263
01:29:22.000 --> 01:29:30.000
So want to encourage you to do that. And then when you're at that point, like I said, they'll, they'll answer any kind of dating questions you have in phase two.

1264
01:29:32.000 --> 01:29:38.000
I just haven't. I mean, dipping my toe is just saying hi to more men in my life.

1265
01:29:40.000 --> 01:29:44.000
Baby, I'm a baby stepper, I don't. I just definitely want to take.

1266
01:29:45.000 --> 01:29:55.000
Okay, well, all of you all. Yeah, everybody in this community in this group, this group, hard work can practice smiling and saying hi to guys that's different than dating.

1267
01:29:55.000 --> 01:29:59.000
So if you're just saying all you need to do is practice right now.

1268
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.240
smiling, acknowledging men, being kind, then yeah, absolutely.

1269
01:30:04.440 --> 01:30:09.120
But if you're trying to get to the point where you're finding a date right now,

1270
01:30:09.320 --> 01:30:13.440
again, we want to finish that last five percent of hard work and then go from there.

1271
01:30:13.640 --> 01:30:18.800
But I recommend to you all all the time to practice even going to Home Depot.

1272
01:30:19.000 --> 01:30:21.160
And again, you're not trying to pick up guys.

1273
01:30:21.360 --> 01:30:23.560
Some of you are afraid to look at men.

1274
01:30:23.760 --> 01:30:28.160
If you're like me, like I literally was very timid around men

1275
01:30:28.320 --> 01:30:31.720
and I would struggle, look them in the eye and all kinds of stuff.

1276
01:30:31.920 --> 01:30:34.480
And so some of you all do need to practice

1277
01:30:34.680 --> 01:30:38.760
doing that when you're shopping in a store, not avoiding, you know,

1278
01:30:38.760 --> 01:30:42.160
if a man opens a door that you would let them open the door for you,

1279
01:30:42.320 --> 01:30:44.480
all that kind of stuff. So, yeah, absolutely.

1280
01:30:44.480 --> 01:30:46.200
Go ahead and start practicing that, Wendy.

1281
01:30:46.400 --> 01:30:47.800
Well, I already do that.

1282
01:30:47.800 --> 01:30:50.440
I just want to take it maybe just a little step further than that.

1283
01:30:50.640 --> 01:30:52.280
OK, but see now you're teetering.

1284
01:30:52.480 --> 01:30:56.040
At first you said you just wanted to smile and say hi.

1285
01:30:56.040 --> 01:30:59.400
And then as soon as I do that, I actually already do that.

1286
01:30:59.600 --> 01:31:00.440
I like men.

1287
01:31:00.640 --> 01:31:03.000
I've most of my clients are men.

1288
01:31:03.200 --> 01:31:06.480
I get along with men because I like math and all that stuff.

1289
01:31:06.680 --> 01:31:08.840
And OK, so let me ask you a question.

1290
01:31:09.040 --> 01:31:09.880
Sure. Why?

1291
01:31:10.080 --> 01:31:12.120
Why wouldn't you just go ahead and finish

1292
01:31:12.320 --> 01:31:18.680
the hard work, finish the five percent and then move to the next group then?

1293
01:31:18.880 --> 01:31:21.760
I guess I'll just just go for it.

1294
01:31:21.960 --> 01:31:25.640
I mean, I'm not ready to date like the formal dating, but yeah,

1295
01:31:25.640 --> 01:31:29.680
I think I'm ready to take it as of what people are doing over in phase two.

1296
01:31:29.880 --> 01:31:33.240
You you need to finish this well, Wendy,

1297
01:31:33.440 --> 01:31:37.840
and then just move on over there because you're saying I just I would like to go

1298
01:31:38.040 --> 01:31:43.240
dancing, go dance. Yeah, I know you're wanting to go.

1299
01:31:43.440 --> 01:31:45.000
You can't go dancing.

1300
01:31:45.200 --> 01:31:48.000
Yeah, I want to go dancing, you know,

1301
01:31:48.200 --> 01:31:50.600
kind of rug, kind of rug.

1302
01:31:50.800 --> 01:31:53.440
I want to cut a rug and let's finish the five percent.

1303
01:31:53.640 --> 01:31:54.840
Let's finish the five percent.

1304
01:31:55.040 --> 01:31:56.560
OK, because here's the thing.

1305
01:31:56.760 --> 01:31:58.880
And I know you guys might be like, what's the what?

1306
01:31:59.080 --> 01:32:01.080
Why is five percent really matter?

1307
01:32:01.280 --> 01:32:02.600
Do you know why?

1308
01:32:02.800 --> 01:32:05.840
Because we need to finish things really well.

1309
01:32:06.040 --> 01:32:07.680
And we're going to teach you that even

1310
01:32:07.880 --> 01:32:12.280
regarding dating interactions, that we want you all to to leave people better than

1311
01:32:12.480 --> 01:32:14.680
you found them. We want you to finish things well.

1312
01:32:14.880 --> 01:32:17.760
And you might be surprised what you might

1313
01:32:17.960 --> 01:32:21.800
find gets gets you the breakthrough that you need in that five percent.

1314
01:32:21.960 --> 01:32:24.400
I don't want you all ever thinking that,

1315
01:32:24.600 --> 01:32:28.440
like, again, this isn't about religion or like doing it perfectly.

1316
01:32:28.640 --> 01:32:33.120
But this there's something about coming to a session expectant in your heart,

1317
01:32:33.320 --> 01:32:38.640
reading every page of that book, expecting to get something from the Lord

1318
01:32:38.840 --> 01:32:43.320
through it, watching every video, believing that God has something to say

1319
01:32:43.520 --> 01:32:47.000
to you, not just like, oh, I just have five percent left.

1320
01:32:47.200 --> 01:32:49.520
So I might as well go ahead and start dating.

1321
01:32:49.720 --> 01:32:52.240
No, there's something to that when we do

1322
01:32:52.440 --> 01:32:56.160
that kind of stuff, we need to ask ourself, OK, why are we doing that?

1323
01:32:56.360 --> 01:32:59.600
Why are we like stopping short of it?

1324
01:32:59.800 --> 01:33:01.520
Even though it's only five percent and then

1325
01:33:01.720 --> 01:33:06.160
convincing ourselves that it's only five percent, so what's the big deal?

1326
01:33:06.360 --> 01:33:09.800
Again, I'm not harping on just Wendy, I know other people do it, too.

1327
01:33:10.000 --> 01:33:14.360
And so this gives me an opportunity to coach everybody on this topic.

1328
01:33:14.560 --> 01:33:16.200
I don't take offense to that.

1329
01:33:16.400 --> 01:33:17.960
I know you don't. I know you don't.

1330
01:33:18.120 --> 01:33:20.560
I love you.

1331
01:33:20.760 --> 01:33:26.200
Yeah, I love I like men and, you know, I know I went to I went to a women's

1332
01:33:26.400 --> 01:33:29.000
conference and I couldn't wait to it was all women.

1333
01:33:29.200 --> 01:33:31.480
I'm like, I couldn't wait to be around Esther.

1334
01:33:31.680 --> 01:33:34.120
I mean, I'm a strong, you know, I can't handle that.

1335
01:33:34.320 --> 01:33:36.440
All right. Let's finish

1336
01:33:36.640 --> 01:33:38.520
when I get finished.

1337
01:33:38.720 --> 01:33:39.920
You need to get finished with the heart.

1338
01:33:40.120 --> 01:33:41.000
I do. I do.

1339
01:33:41.200 --> 01:33:42.640
Because I like men. All right.

1340
01:33:42.840 --> 01:33:43.960
Well, let me

1341
01:33:43.960 --> 01:33:47.720
say, well, I'm glad you like men and that you're ready.

1342
01:33:47.920 --> 01:33:48.920
I do. Yeah.

1343
01:33:49.120 --> 01:33:52.120
Let's finish that up and then just move on over to phase two.

1344
01:33:52.320 --> 01:33:56.480
But again, I really highly recommend you finishing that all the way through.

1345
01:33:56.680 --> 01:33:59.600
All right, Leslie.

1346
01:33:59.600 --> 01:34:15.600
I'm sorry, I can't get my mute off.

1347
01:34:15.800 --> 01:34:17.600
Oh, it's OK. Yeah, I know it's tricky sometimes.

1348
01:34:17.800 --> 01:34:21.440
Yeah, I think

1349
01:34:21.640 --> 01:34:26.400
when I when you said about forgiving, I think it's to forgive myself

1350
01:34:27.280 --> 01:34:31.520
because throughout the program.

1351
01:34:32.920 --> 01:34:39.080
I, you know, through you guys coaching me, I've become aware that

1352
01:34:39.280 --> 01:34:46.280
I have a lot of fear, don't trust, you know, fear of abandonment and just I

1353
01:34:46.480 --> 01:34:49.040
don't feel safe, right, don't trust myself.

1354
01:34:49.240 --> 01:34:51.560
So I would say, like,

1355
01:34:51.720 --> 01:34:56.320
forgiving myself for not trusting God to keep me safe with men.

1356
01:34:56.520 --> 01:34:59.720
Yeah, you know, what's interesting, as you are sharing there.

1357
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.460
I'm, I don't know if this will resonate for you. But in

1358
01:35:03.460 --> 01:35:06.040
addition to the fear of abandonment, like I know, we

1359
01:35:06.040 --> 01:35:11.520
typically think of other people abandoning abandoning us. But

1360
01:35:11.680 --> 01:35:14.820
I'm almost wondering if there, you know, there's this level of

1361
01:35:14.820 --> 01:35:20.400
us abandoning ourselves. You know, and I feel like there

1362
01:35:20.400 --> 01:35:25.000
might be something to that for you on that, you know, it's that

1363
01:35:25.000 --> 01:35:29.560
first time where we, it kind of makes me it partners with when

1364
01:35:29.560 --> 01:35:33.880
we, you know, meet other people's needs, before we're

1365
01:35:33.880 --> 01:35:37.160
actually meeting our own, and we put other people's needs before

1366
01:35:37.160 --> 01:35:41.520
ours. And the enemy convinces us that their needs matter more

1367
01:35:41.520 --> 01:35:44.360
than ours. And we have to be responsible for other people's

1368
01:35:44.360 --> 01:35:47.320
stuff, like all that kind of stuff kind of hangs out

1369
01:35:47.320 --> 01:35:51.720
together. And I've not thought of this before when I've coached

1370
01:35:51.720 --> 01:35:54.840
with you, but that specifically came up in my spirit tonight,

1371
01:35:54.840 --> 01:35:59.520
like there's this actual level of abandoning your own self.

1372
01:35:59.560 --> 01:36:02.520
At times, and I would encourage you to pray into the root of

1373
01:36:02.520 --> 01:36:07.080
that, like, when is the first time you abandoned yourself in

1374
01:36:07.080 --> 01:36:11.280
some way. And so that could be a part of your identity, it could

1375
01:36:11.280 --> 01:36:16.120
be like, literally, like, you know, abandoning an idea that

1376
01:36:16.120 --> 01:36:21.600
you had, it could have been. I don't know, I even see like, did

1377
01:36:21.600 --> 01:36:23.160
you used to sing, Leslie?

1378
01:36:24.800 --> 01:36:28.480
No, but when you talk about abandoning, it kind of reminds

1379
01:36:28.480 --> 01:36:33.040
me of, I didn't realize till I was actually in my second

1380
01:36:33.040 --> 01:36:37.440
marriage, how much I disassociate. And that feels

1381
01:36:37.480 --> 01:36:41.160
almost like an abandonment, right? Yeah, yeah. I think I

1382
01:36:41.160 --> 01:36:47.200
picked that coping skill up from my father. But I, it's so

1383
01:36:47.200 --> 01:36:50.080
interesting, because I remember my second husband telling me

1384
01:36:50.080 --> 01:36:52.560
that I did this, I didn't completely trust him. So I was

1385
01:36:52.560 --> 01:36:58.400
like, I'm not sure. And while we were talking about it, I

1386
01:36:58.400 --> 01:37:02.320
guess I couldn't handle the conversation, because my head

1387
01:37:02.320 --> 01:37:06.160
went down, I got, I always get really tired, my head went down,

1388
01:37:06.160 --> 01:37:09.440
I was having a conversation, my head went down on the table, or

1389
01:37:09.440 --> 01:37:13.400
my head came up, everything was really funny. Like I just

1390
01:37:13.400 --> 01:37:18.160
disconnected from the reality of what I was talking about. And

1391
01:37:18.160 --> 01:37:22.920
now I've gotten to the place where, if I see it coming in, I

1392
01:37:22.920 --> 01:37:27.960
can stop it, you know, and stay grounded. Yeah. But I would say

1393
01:37:27.960 --> 01:37:30.640
that that's, that probably is abandoning stuff.

1394
01:37:30.960 --> 01:37:37.160
It is. And the reason I asked you if you ever sang is, I kept

1395
01:37:37.160 --> 01:37:39.960
seeing you by a microphone, but I think it has to do with your

1396
01:37:39.960 --> 01:37:42.920
voice. And so I first I would just wanted to know if you ever

1397
01:37:42.920 --> 01:37:48.520
used to sing because that was kind of the image I saw. But

1398
01:37:48.760 --> 01:37:52.440
even in a disassociating or this checking out getting really

1399
01:37:52.440 --> 01:37:56.600
tired, like, you know, their spirit of slumber can come on

1400
01:37:56.600 --> 01:37:59.040
people when situations are happening. There's all kinds of

1401
01:37:59.040 --> 01:38:03.440
stuff like the enemy does. But I feel like there was a sense of

1402
01:38:03.440 --> 01:38:05.560
also abandoning your voice.

1403
01:38:07.440 --> 01:38:08.360
My voice,

1404
01:38:08.360 --> 01:38:13.400
your voice. Yeah. Yes. opinion. Yes. thoughts, your values,

1405
01:38:13.400 --> 01:38:18.280
your my boundaries. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So as you lean into this

1406
01:38:18.280 --> 01:38:21.560
abandoning yourself, I feel like kind of, there's going to be a

1407
01:38:21.560 --> 01:38:24.480
new layer of you like almost like a self discovery that's

1408
01:38:24.480 --> 01:38:27.000
going to start to happen because you're gonna it's going to be

1409
01:38:27.000 --> 01:38:31.640
like you're discovering yourself all over again. Because these

1410
01:38:31.640 --> 01:38:35.120
parts of yourself that you disassociated from, if you will,

1411
01:38:35.120 --> 01:38:39.440
or abandoned. Have you have you ever heard me talk about

1412
01:38:39.440 --> 01:38:44.040
convergence? Like God's goals for those things, the little you

1413
01:38:44.080 --> 01:38:47.240
little Leslie and the current Leslie and in everything in

1414
01:38:47.240 --> 01:38:50.840
between to like even the mid age that they start to converge and

1415
01:38:50.840 --> 01:38:54.920
come back together. And and then you're becoming one you're

1416
01:38:54.920 --> 01:39:00.920
becoming whole versus being separate from different aspects

1417
01:39:00.920 --> 01:39:03.560
of your identity because of the trauma or the wounds that you

1418
01:39:03.560 --> 01:39:07.840
went through. And so I will look forward to just hearing

1419
01:39:07.840 --> 01:39:12.800
where this leads. Because, you know, you as you and I have kind

1420
01:39:12.800 --> 01:39:16.760
of chatted over time, I feel like the Lord is definitely

1421
01:39:16.760 --> 01:39:20.720
taking you a layer deeper in what you're sharing tonight. So

1422
01:39:20.720 --> 01:39:23.120
I feel like you're on to something, Leslie. So let's lean

1423
01:39:23.120 --> 01:39:25.520
into this and just see what like, kind of like where I

1424
01:39:25.520 --> 01:39:28.720
started tonight, you know, any little thing that comes to you.

1425
01:39:29.440 --> 01:39:32.480
Don't dismiss it, write it down. And you can come into the group

1426
01:39:32.480 --> 01:39:34.560
and share about it, you can come back next week, and we can

1427
01:39:34.560 --> 01:39:37.760
kind of unpack it more if we need to. But let's see where

1428
01:39:37.760 --> 01:39:41.800
this abandoning yourself, your voice identity, again, anything

1429
01:39:41.800 --> 01:39:44.800
that kind of comes to mind, and see where that leads you. And

1430
01:39:44.800 --> 01:39:47.360
you might find that even as a kid, you might have

1431
01:39:47.360 --> 01:39:50.200
disassociated. Like I know you're saying you might have

1432
01:39:50.200 --> 01:39:54.040
picked it up from your dad, which is probably very true. But

1433
01:39:54.080 --> 01:39:57.480
you probably started that kind of pattern and habit when you

1434
01:39:57.480 --> 01:39:59.960
were younger, and then it probably grew as you got

1435
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:04.720
older. Yes, definitely. Because one thing I think is really

1436
01:40:04.720 --> 01:40:09.600
interesting is, I didn't grow up with physical affection. And

1437
01:40:09.600 --> 01:40:12.760
neither, of course, did my siblings and all of them then

1438
01:40:12.760 --> 01:40:14.760
turned around and were affectionate with their kids,

1439
01:40:14.760 --> 01:40:17.880
except for me. And I'm like, that's so interesting. Was I

1440
01:40:17.880 --> 01:40:21.320
disconnected from that need, even, you know,

1441
01:40:21.360 --> 01:40:24.960
right, you might have, I mean, in a lot of women, well, men,

1442
01:40:24.960 --> 01:40:29.080
too, but a lot of people that disassociate, do you have a

1443
01:40:29.080 --> 01:40:33.480
tough time actually fully connecting in relationship, like

1444
01:40:33.480 --> 01:40:36.480
they're in relationship with people, but they still have all

1445
01:40:36.480 --> 01:40:41.440
kinds of walls up. And it's, it's just not a very deep, like,

1446
01:40:42.000 --> 01:40:46.120
you know, and some people think sexual takes them deep, but it

1447
01:40:46.120 --> 01:40:48.840
doesn't. I mean, it does. When you're married, there's

1448
01:40:48.840 --> 01:40:52.240
covenant. And there's all this stuff that does bind you

1449
01:40:52.240 --> 01:40:55.840
together. But and it does before you're married to that's why

1450
01:40:55.840 --> 01:40:58.440
they tell you not to have sex outside of marriage. But I'm

1451
01:40:58.440 --> 01:41:05.280
just saying like, outside of sex, intimacy is taking people

1452
01:41:05.280 --> 01:41:11.160
deep, it connects people on really important levels in

1453
01:41:11.160 --> 01:41:15.320
relationship. And if people are not capable of connecting and

1454
01:41:15.320 --> 01:41:19.160
being intimate without sex, they're going to have a hard

1455
01:41:19.160 --> 01:41:22.840
time, you know, really being fully connected. And so God

1456
01:41:22.840 --> 01:41:26.760
wants to heal us and help us learn how to connect. You know,

1457
01:41:26.760 --> 01:41:30.080
even as babies, I just think about little infants, like the

1458
01:41:30.080 --> 01:41:34.400
way that we are created to connect with our moms and how

1459
01:41:34.400 --> 01:41:37.760
even stuff happens. You know, preemies are born early, and

1460
01:41:37.760 --> 01:41:40.560
then they can't their mom can hold them for only so much time.

1461
01:41:40.560 --> 01:41:42.880
And, you know, there's just all these assaults against

1462
01:41:42.880 --> 01:41:49.080
connection, if you will. So, um, let's pray into that forgive

1463
01:41:49.080 --> 01:41:52.080
yourself for anything you need to forgive yourself for, as it

1464
01:41:52.080 --> 01:41:54.760
comes up. And if you need to do more than one sheet, you know,

1465
01:41:54.760 --> 01:41:57.040
absolutely do that. But come back and let us know how it

1466
01:41:57.040 --> 01:42:01.400
goes. Okay, thank you so much. You're welcome. I'm gonna have

1467
01:42:01.400 --> 01:42:03.800
Karen share as well, but I won't be able to take any more after

1468
01:42:03.800 --> 01:42:07.000
Karen. If anyone needs to log out. I know we're already past

1469
01:42:07.000 --> 01:42:09.640
time. So I don't want anyone to feel like you have to stay on

1470
01:42:09.640 --> 01:42:13.000
because you know, I'm very aware of time. But Karen, I do want to

1471
01:42:13.000 --> 01:42:15.560
hear what you have to say and looking forward to it.

1472
01:42:16.720 --> 01:42:21.120
Thank you, Bethany. You're welcome. I joined just this

1473
01:42:21.160 --> 01:42:24.880
month. So I joined the supernatural Saturdays, since

1474
01:42:24.880 --> 01:42:29.400
the seventh. And then last week, I did my first replay the heart

1475
01:42:29.400 --> 01:42:33.600
check in. And there's just been a lot that I processed since

1476
01:42:33.600 --> 01:42:38.720
then. And I was in a mentorship relationship like three months

1477
01:42:38.720 --> 01:42:43.520
ago, and she was like the first person like I confided in about

1478
01:42:43.920 --> 01:42:48.800
abuse. So for me, it's like being able to forgive myself for

1479
01:42:48.800 --> 01:42:54.760
not saying anything. So there's two situations like the first

1480
01:42:54.760 --> 01:43:01.480
one was, my uncle had violated me, and haven't said anything.

1481
01:43:01.480 --> 01:43:07.240
But my niece had spoken out about my brother doing

1482
01:43:07.240 --> 01:43:11.360
something to her like 10 years ago. But then it's resurfacing

1483
01:43:11.360 --> 01:43:15.120
again with things that have come up, you know, in the church

1484
01:43:15.120 --> 01:43:19.640
setting, because he was also a part of my church, and still

1485
01:43:19.640 --> 01:43:23.840
continues to go to that church, I no longer am a part of. And

1486
01:43:23.840 --> 01:43:30.080
then my mom had passed away a couple years ago, and just seen

1487
01:43:30.080 --> 01:43:35.160
there also that the abuse that my mom experienced from my dad,

1488
01:43:35.480 --> 01:43:42.080
and I went through a divorce of abuse. So for me, it's like, my

1489
01:43:42.080 --> 01:43:46.800
children now are adults. And I never had that conversation with

1490
01:43:46.800 --> 01:43:51.440
them personally about, you know, what happened, like they kind of

1491
01:43:51.440 --> 01:43:57.160
know, bits and pieces. And then I also have grandchildren, and I

1492
01:43:57.160 --> 01:44:01.400
was going to supposed to go on a women's retreat last year, but I

1493
01:44:01.400 --> 01:44:06.840
was fearful of my grandkids being alone for the first time.

1494
01:44:06.840 --> 01:44:10.720
And the oldest grandson is like, eight years older than his

1495
01:44:10.720 --> 01:44:15.280
sister. And so just fearing, you know, like, do they clearly

1496
01:44:15.280 --> 01:44:19.120
understand, like, you know, physical boundaries of proper

1497
01:44:19.120 --> 01:44:24.560
affection. And so now, I guess my question is having that

1498
01:44:24.560 --> 01:44:31.400
conversation with my children. And seeing some ways my son

1499
01:44:31.400 --> 01:44:35.920
having those anger, personalities are just being

1500
01:44:35.920 --> 01:44:39.320
mean about certain things. And then also with my grandchildren,

1501
01:44:39.320 --> 01:44:42.480
who I'm spending time with right now during their spring

1502
01:44:42.480 --> 01:44:47.080
break, about, you know, if anything were to happen to them,

1503
01:44:47.080 --> 01:44:50.320
like, you know, speak up about it, you're not going to get in

1504
01:44:50.320 --> 01:44:56.240
trouble. So it's just been like, heavy on me were like, I didn't

1505
01:44:56.240 --> 01:45:00.080
do anything last week, like I just did week one, and then just

1506
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:01.880
I've been there.

1507
01:45:01.880 --> 01:45:03.520
Yeah, and I will tell you,

1508
01:45:03.520 --> 01:45:05.360
you're gonna have stuff percolate to the surface.

1509
01:45:05.360 --> 01:45:08.400
It's very common that all of this stuff

1510
01:45:08.400 --> 01:45:09.400
is kind of surfacing,

1511
01:45:09.400 --> 01:45:11.520
and you're seeing a lot of this thread of abuse

1512
01:45:11.520 --> 01:45:13.360
throughout your life.

1513
01:45:13.360 --> 01:45:14.960
I would highly recommend,

1514
01:45:14.960 --> 01:45:16.480
even though they are your grandchildren,

1515
01:45:16.480 --> 01:45:20.840
just make sure that their parents are comfortable

1516
01:45:20.840 --> 01:45:23.160
with anything you're talking to them about.

1517
01:45:23.160 --> 01:45:24.080
Hopefully they would be,

1518
01:45:24.080 --> 01:45:27.120
but even though, again, it's your,

1519
01:45:27.120 --> 01:45:28.960
I don't know if it's the daughter or son,

1520
01:45:28.960 --> 01:45:32.400
but your kids, we just wanna honor them

1521
01:45:32.400 --> 01:45:34.080
in the process of that.

1522
01:45:35.040 --> 01:45:36.520
And just make sure that,

1523
01:45:36.520 --> 01:45:37.640
cause what can happen,

1524
01:45:37.640 --> 01:45:38.480
and it's not bad,

1525
01:45:38.480 --> 01:45:40.160
cause I used to do the same thing.

1526
01:45:40.160 --> 01:45:41.000
All of my friends,

1527
01:45:41.000 --> 01:45:42.280
I just told somebody this the other day,

1528
01:45:42.280 --> 01:45:44.760
back in the day when my friends were all having babies,

1529
01:45:44.760 --> 01:45:47.480
I would buy this book called The Right Touch.

1530
01:45:47.480 --> 01:45:48.600
I think that's what it was called.

1531
01:45:48.600 --> 01:45:49.520
And that's what I would,

1532
01:45:49.520 --> 01:45:50.720
I would get them other gifts too,

1533
01:45:50.720 --> 01:45:53.320
but I would give all of them that book

1534
01:45:53.320 --> 01:45:55.360
when, for the baby shower.

1535
01:45:55.360 --> 01:45:56.920
And I was told, like,

1536
01:45:56.920 --> 01:45:58.880
I just knew why I was doing it.

1537
01:45:59.880 --> 01:46:00.720
If they didn't like it,

1538
01:46:00.720 --> 01:46:01.680
they didn't have to use it,

1539
01:46:01.680 --> 01:46:03.480
but I was trying to plant seeds

1540
01:46:03.480 --> 01:46:06.280
to protect my friends' kids.

1541
01:46:07.360 --> 01:46:10.920
But here's the thing that what I realize now

1542
01:46:10.920 --> 01:46:13.640
is that there's a right way to go about it.

1543
01:46:14.720 --> 01:46:16.960
And we have to make sure that,

1544
01:46:16.960 --> 01:46:19.680
as this stuff is percolating to the surface for you,

1545
01:46:19.680 --> 01:46:23.200
that you're not talking to them out of a fear position,

1546
01:46:24.000 --> 01:46:25.800
or panic position.

1547
01:46:25.800 --> 01:46:27.920
You wanna process through your healing,

1548
01:46:27.960 --> 01:46:31.640
and then probably talk to your kids about it

1549
01:46:31.640 --> 01:46:33.840
as you heal a little bit more,

1550
01:46:33.840 --> 01:46:36.160
so that you have a more steady grasp

1551
01:46:36.160 --> 01:46:37.840
of even what do you need to tell them,

1552
01:46:37.840 --> 01:46:39.280
what don't you need to tell them,

1553
01:46:39.280 --> 01:46:40.680
you know, all that kind of thing.

1554
01:46:40.680 --> 01:46:42.440
And then regarding your son,

1555
01:46:42.440 --> 01:46:43.600
you know, the reality is,

1556
01:46:43.600 --> 01:46:46.160
and this is really tough, okay?

1557
01:46:46.160 --> 01:46:50.680
But adult children are going to make their own choices.

1558
01:46:52.280 --> 01:46:54.640
You can't protect your grandchildren,

1559
01:46:54.640 --> 01:46:56.600
unfortunately, from everything.

1560
01:46:56.600 --> 01:46:58.520
You can't protect your kids from everything.

1561
01:46:58.520 --> 01:47:00.280
We can do our best,

1562
01:47:00.280 --> 01:47:02.400
but our kids are gonna make choices,

1563
01:47:02.400 --> 01:47:04.920
and we have to pray and intercede for them,

1564
01:47:04.920 --> 01:47:08.840
and we can lovingly talk to them if that door is open.

1565
01:47:08.840 --> 01:47:11.440
But if he struggles with a lot of anger,

1566
01:47:11.440 --> 01:47:12.920
that door might not even be open

1567
01:47:12.920 --> 01:47:16.000
to have a conversation with him about that, not sure.

1568
01:47:16.000 --> 01:47:19.000
But, you know, as you heal,

1569
01:47:19.000 --> 01:47:22.000
I think God will show you whether or not to say something,

1570
01:47:22.000 --> 01:47:24.120
and if so, what to say.

1571
01:47:24.120 --> 01:47:26.520
And so I would give yourself a little more time

1572
01:47:27.400 --> 01:47:29.400
before you have those conversations.

1573
01:47:29.400 --> 01:47:32.480
Sometimes I recommend to people to write things out

1574
01:47:32.480 --> 01:47:34.640
before you ever even have a conversation,

1575
01:47:34.640 --> 01:47:37.840
so you can get really clear on your thoughts as well.

1576
01:47:37.840 --> 01:47:40.160
So I would start doing that now,

1577
01:47:40.160 --> 01:47:43.640
because you might need to flesh this out quite a bit, okay?

1578
01:47:43.640 --> 01:47:45.600
What I mean by that is there might be a lot

1579
01:47:45.600 --> 01:47:47.880
that you need to get out on paper right now,

1580
01:47:47.880 --> 01:47:50.680
and it may not be anything you say to him,

1581
01:47:50.680 --> 01:47:53.400
you know, five weeks from now, if you will.

1582
01:47:54.280 --> 01:47:55.960
Because as we heal,

1583
01:47:55.960 --> 01:48:00.560
we kind of dredge through all the muck, if you will,

1584
01:48:00.560 --> 01:48:03.200
and then we come to a balanced place

1585
01:48:03.200 --> 01:48:04.960
where we can have like that,

1586
01:48:04.960 --> 01:48:07.600
again, that conversation that's informed,

1587
01:48:07.600 --> 01:48:09.760
but it's stable and we're healthy

1588
01:48:09.760 --> 01:48:12.800
in our approach and communication of it.

1589
01:48:12.800 --> 01:48:14.120
Does that make sense?

1590
01:48:14.120 --> 01:48:14.960
Yes.

1591
01:48:14.960 --> 01:48:15.800
Yeah.

1592
01:48:15.800 --> 01:48:18.200
And so way to go that you're already sharing.

1593
01:48:18.200 --> 01:48:19.040
You're already sharing.

1594
01:48:19.040 --> 01:48:20.320
You've only been here a week.

1595
01:48:20.320 --> 01:48:21.400
You're talking to us.

1596
01:48:21.400 --> 01:48:22.480
That's great.

1597
01:48:23.520 --> 01:48:26.360
I would encourage you on...

1598
01:48:26.360 --> 01:48:28.240
I saw somebody asked earlier,

1599
01:48:28.240 --> 01:48:30.560
you can do a forgiveness prayer sheet

1600
01:48:30.560 --> 01:48:32.600
no matter what week you're on, ladies, okay?

1601
01:48:32.600 --> 01:48:35.520
So we're on forgiveness week on our live session.

1602
01:48:35.520 --> 01:48:37.320
So even if you're not in forgiveness week,

1603
01:48:37.320 --> 01:48:39.360
you don't have to skip ahead to that,

1604
01:48:39.360 --> 01:48:40.760
but you are gonna go ahead

1605
01:48:40.760 --> 01:48:42.280
and get the forgiveness prayer sheet out.

1606
01:48:42.280 --> 01:48:43.840
You have those in the welcome section,

1607
01:48:43.840 --> 01:48:46.560
so you don't even have to skip ahead to get them.

1608
01:48:46.560 --> 01:48:48.600
And I just want you to be praying this week about,

1609
01:48:48.600 --> 01:48:50.080
God, who do you want me to forgive?

1610
01:48:50.080 --> 01:48:51.840
And then you guys are gonna fill those sheets out.

1611
01:48:51.840 --> 01:48:53.080
So Karen, regarding...

1612
01:48:53.080 --> 01:48:56.120
I mean, there were several people you mentioned here, okay?

1613
01:48:56.120 --> 01:49:00.080
So I would start with what you shared tonight

1614
01:49:00.080 --> 01:49:01.160
with these people

1615
01:49:01.160 --> 01:49:04.240
and writing forgiveness prayer sheets out for them.

1616
01:49:04.240 --> 01:49:06.760
Now, you can't...

1617
01:49:08.160 --> 01:49:10.480
I mean, regarding your niece who spoke out,

1618
01:49:10.480 --> 01:49:14.920
regarding your brother, so that's her offense.

1619
01:49:14.920 --> 01:49:18.320
Now, if there was an offense you picked up for them

1620
01:49:19.360 --> 01:49:21.120
and you have unforgiveness towards your brother

1621
01:49:21.120 --> 01:49:23.600
because of something he did towards your niece,

1622
01:49:23.600 --> 01:49:26.000
then that's what you would need to write out.

1623
01:49:26.000 --> 01:49:27.120
Does that make sense?

1624
01:49:28.160 --> 01:49:29.760
He's like...

1625
01:49:29.760 --> 01:49:32.520
He was making accusations towards me

1626
01:49:32.520 --> 01:49:35.120
because I was also his sister in Christ

1627
01:49:35.120 --> 01:49:40.120
that I should be defending him on that case.

1628
01:49:40.920 --> 01:49:42.560
And this was like 10 years ago,

1629
01:49:42.560 --> 01:49:45.160
so he was kind of like attacking me.

1630
01:49:45.160 --> 01:49:47.520
Okay, so then that is a direct thing.

1631
01:49:47.520 --> 01:49:49.240
I just wanted to make sure as you're processing

1632
01:49:49.240 --> 01:49:50.600
the thing you mentioned about your niece,

1633
01:49:51.200 --> 01:49:54.120
what you're processing on our forgiveness prayer sheets,

1634
01:49:54.120 --> 01:49:57.720
we're always gonna process what happened to us

1635
01:49:57.720 --> 01:49:59.040
or even our own selves.

1636
01:49:59.040 --> 01:50:01.040
Like if we need to forgive ourselves...

1637
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:03.900
selves, what do we do to ourselves or not do that we

1638
01:50:03.900 --> 01:50:06.220
should have done to protect ourselves? You know what I'm

1639
01:50:06.220 --> 01:50:10.340
saying? Okay, yeah. So I love this. Looking forward to hearing

1640
01:50:10.340 --> 01:50:14.260
how that goes for you, Karen, and going to be praying for you

1641
01:50:14.260 --> 01:50:17.700
regarding these conversations that you know, maybe will happen

1642
01:50:17.700 --> 01:50:21.060
at some point. But But again, give yourself a lot of space

1643
01:50:21.060 --> 01:50:24.140
right now. Okay, because this is just, it's a really fragile

1644
01:50:24.140 --> 01:50:27.740
journey. And what I don't want to see happen is you go and try

1645
01:50:27.740 --> 01:50:30.500
to have a conversation with your kids. And because there's a

1646
01:50:30.500 --> 01:50:34.320
lot of stuff all kind of torn up together, that it doesn't go

1647
01:50:34.320 --> 01:50:38.060
well. And then that can harm you and, you know, other ways and

1648
01:50:38.060 --> 01:50:42.060
maybe, you know, hinder that relationship. And so let's heal

1649
01:50:42.060 --> 01:50:45.640
a little bit more. Let's process what you're going through. Allow

1650
01:50:45.640 --> 01:50:48.560
yourself to kind of really think out and pray and ask the Lord

1651
01:50:48.560 --> 01:50:51.220
what what does he think you should say if anything to your

1652
01:50:51.220 --> 01:50:54.920
kids, and let's see where that kind of fleshes all out as you

1653
01:50:54.920 --> 01:50:58.840
go. Okay. Thank you so much. You're welcome. It's been an

1654
01:50:58.840 --> 01:51:01.320
awesome night, ladies. We got to close it down. I'm going to pray

1655
01:51:01.320 --> 01:51:04.440
us out. Father, thank you so much for the freedom in this

1656
01:51:04.440 --> 01:51:08.600
house. Thank you, God for your spirit that is alive and living.

1657
01:51:09.520 --> 01:51:12.040
And that your word is sharper than any double edged sword.

1658
01:51:12.040 --> 01:51:14.880
God, I thank you that your word is, is giving us life tonight

1659
01:51:14.880 --> 01:51:18.240
that there's truth and there's revelation. I pray for healing

1660
01:51:18.240 --> 01:51:20.800
and redemption in areas of our hearts and lives where it's

1661
01:51:20.800 --> 01:51:23.160
needed. God, we ask you to continue to place your head,

1662
01:51:23.160 --> 01:51:26.240
your protection around us and our families, God, that you

1663
01:51:26.240 --> 01:51:29.640
would. Yes, Lord, that you would continue to go before us even in

1664
01:51:29.640 --> 01:51:31.840
the heart healing process and help us to receive all that you

1665
01:51:31.840 --> 01:51:36.920
have for us. In Jesus name. Amen. Amen. God bless you all.

1666
01:51:37.080 --> 01:51:40.600
So glad to see you guys praying for you. Talk to you soon. Bye

1667
01:51:40.600 --> 01:51:40.960
bye.