WEBVTT

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Now we're working.

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All right.

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Good afternoon, ladies.

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We've got...

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There's not very many of us on today.

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There's only seven of us.

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Well, hopefully, we'll get a few more popping in here.

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But it is good to see those that are here and on camera.

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Always good.

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I know Lovelette's at work.

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Hey, Kelly, it's good to see you on as well.

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All right.

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What am I doing here?

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Good question, right?

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Awesome.

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Awesome.

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Awesome.

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Okay.

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All right.

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Well, let's get started.

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Okay?

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We're recording.

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This is Phase 2.

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All right?

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This is March 24th.

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This is the 1 o'clock session.

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I'm Carla Johnson.

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I'm one of your coaches here at Last Year's Single.

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It's so good to be here.

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I'm going to go ahead and get started.

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All right.

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Let's get started.

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All right.

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Let's get started.

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All right.

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Let's get started.

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All right.

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Let's get started.

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All right.

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All right.

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Welcome.

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Welcome.

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It's so good to be here.

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It has been a week, y'all, it has been a week.

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But, you know, some really amazing things are taking place.

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I believe that God is just really, really showing up.

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How many of you got to see or listen to the replay or got to be on Supernatural Saturday?

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Anybody?

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I see Michelle.

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Michelle and Patty.

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Gail, have you not gotten to watch the replay yet?

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Definitely check it out.

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Okay, I'm going to touch a little bit on that.

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Y'all, God was speaking to me through that this week.

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I have been intentionally spending a lot of time in prayer, more than I probably have

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ever been in my life.

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I always, you know, I'm always looking to be intentional with God.

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And that's kind of part of my story.

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For those of you that don't know me, I am a success story from this program.

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I am married.

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I am currently blending a family.

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I've been married for almost, it's been two and a half years, actually.

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Yeah, it's been two and a half years.

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And came in the heart work in 2020 as a single and did the heart work.

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Was here for a couple of years until I did get to meet my husband.

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And then now I get to go through, you know, continue to get to go through heart work as

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a married person, blending a family.

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And so God's able to, you know, show me and reveal some things to me through what we do

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here and what I was able to experience as a single.

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And he's able to grow me into that relationship as well.

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And when I share my experience of last year single, I always, it's always humbling and

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personal to me because, yes, while we're all here because we want to be married and

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that's definitely certainly why I kind of jumped in and joined, you know, at first I

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was a little like, I don't know about this lady.

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I don't know about this Jackie Dorman lady.

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I don't know about this message that she's putting out here.

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Like at the time it was called Married in 12 Months or Less.

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And, you know, my, my beliefs were like, I don't know if that's very healthy to be

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married in 12 months or less.

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And, and so I had some, I had some heart work to do.

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And, and then, you know, I was in here for more than 12 months, but obviously being in

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the program and kind of learning what that entailed and how the heart work really was

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the foundation of that and, and experiencing that myself, I understood exactly why, you

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know, God led her to call it that.

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And now we call it last year single.

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So anyway, that has been a treasure for me.

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It has been humbling.

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It has been, you know, wonderful.

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And yes, I am success story got, you know, got to be married and, you know, married now,

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you know, I'm blending a family, but I always share with people that that is only just a

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little bit of the fruit that comes from this program and doing the heart work.

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Like God does so much more with this community and this program.

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And one of the biggest takeaways that I got even before I met my husband.

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Okay.

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When I was in the process of doing heart work for the very first time.

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Okay.

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And I had been in therapy for like seven years plus when I joined probably like seven years.

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I had been in therapy, okay?

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And so I came into Jackie's program

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with a good amount of therapy, okay?

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And what was so abundant through this program

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was that there was that tipping point.

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There was that little bit of like grace,

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that supernatural to it,

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when I was able to supernaturally surrender.

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And what happened is, yes,

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I got to experience at some point,

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eventually, I did get the husband,

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I got the marriage, all that.

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But before that, the intimate relationship

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that blossomed with the Lord

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was by far the biggest blessing.

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And then came the fruit of this community

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and the relationships that I built here

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with several of the women, with Jackie,

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with so many people in this community.

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And then now I'm here in this program still

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as a married and Jackie Kepney.

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So now I get to pour into you

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and get to be part of your story

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and pour into you and it blesses me.

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It continues to help me heal,

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because I'm still doing heart work, y'all.

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Marriage will have you doing heart work.

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And so, and I sat here and I thought,

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oh, look at this, like heart work in the beginning

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brought me this beautiful relationship

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with the Lord and this community.

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And yes, I got this marriage now

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and this blended family

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and I get to do all these things, y'all.

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And I just tell you,

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God is still pursuing me

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for a deeper relationship with him.

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And this week I have really been so intentional

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because he's been telling me

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just how much I have needed more heart work.

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And I'm like, I've been so resistant to it, y'all.

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And I have had to really surrender this week to it.

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And so Supernatural Saturday was such a blessing to me

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and everything that's kind of going on in my life right now.

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And I'm just so grateful and thankful

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because I believe that what I get to experience,

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I get to pour out to y'all.

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And I believe that God doesn't just give us these things

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for us to grow in a relationship with him.

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But it's also for us to give it back.

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And that has been just such an honor and a blessing.

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And so it's just been very, very therapeutic for me.

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It's been very healing for me.

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And so this session I'm really looking forward to.

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And like I said, the Supernatural Saturday

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this weekend was really good.

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So definitely check it out for sure.

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And so we'll dive in today with what we'll get into.

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And so that we'll unpack a little bit more real quick,

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a couple of housekeeping,

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and then I'm gonna go into prayer.

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And then we are going to do about 20 minutes of teaching.

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My goal is 20 minutes of teaching from insecurity,

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going from insecurity into confidence.

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Okay, so yes, in dating, but just in general.

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Okay, so we're obviously taking it from a place of dating

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because that's the phase we're in.

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We came out of heartwork, okay?

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But it is really centered around a heartwork, okay?

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And so I really think that this session

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is gonna be a blessing to y'all.

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I think it really goes well with what Jackie shared with us

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on Supernatural Saturday.

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So I want to, first of all, is there anybody brand new?

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I don't think so, to the community here on at this moment?

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Anybody?

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I don't think so.

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Well, if there's anybody in replay, welcome.

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If you are new, I've already introduced who I am.

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So we're good there.

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And you'll continue to know me.

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I want to celebrate you ladies this week

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for just continuing to stay engaged in this community.

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I can't thank you enough, just the vulnerability

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and the courage that it takes to show up.

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And it really does matter.

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It will benefit your

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growth and healing and it also allows the other women in this community to

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grow and heal as well. So I want to celebrate that. I want to thank you for

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that. I want to keep encouraging you ladies to do that, okay? So if you if

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that's something you've been working on and you've been doing that and you've

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been putting yourself out there and sharing with the community on the on the

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app and posting your stuff and you know I just continue to do that all right and

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celebrate that okay because I know it takes a lot of courage to be able to do

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that. If you are someone that still needs to work on that I want to encourage you

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to do that a little bit more this week, okay? All right and so please please do

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that. Myself and Ebony are you know we're working really hard to to stay up with

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those so just because we might not respond immediately please don't let

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that discourage you from getting in there and posting because we will see

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every single one of those, okay? And so I know we've dealt with some of the

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glitches and we you know I feel like we're getting a rhythm here we're

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working those out and so I just want to keep encouraging you to do that. I also

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want to gently remind you ladies to be in a season right now where you get to

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receive, okay? I want you engaging with the ladies in the community. I want you

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encouraging one another but I often sometimes see that you know it's very

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easy especially if you're like me and you have like these gifts of being able

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to like teach and counsel and and coach and and do all these things and give

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good advice and you have a gift you have certain gifts that you just you can pour

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into. It's easy for us to step into that role when we see that and we want to

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kind of go and give advice, okay? And oh you know and pour into it and it comes

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from a really sincere good place, okay? So I get it, believe me. I am of all people

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totally understand that but I really want to encourage you ladies to sit back

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and just receive right now, okay? That doesn't mean that you don't engage with

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each other but I want you to be mindful of when you are responding to the to the

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other ladies here in the community especially on the app that we are not

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advice-giving. We're not saying, oh I do this or I learned this and this is what

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I did and I think you should do this, okay? Myself and Ebony get to kind of do

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a little bit of that, okay? That's what that's what we coach for, okay? We're

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here to ask the questions. We're here to help help you ladies. You all are here to

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just receive and take it in, okay? That's what you're here to do, all right? Now if

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something that someone posts is like highlight something to you that it

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touches you because it reminds you of something that God's highlighted in you

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instead of commenting under their post with that, go and make your own post and

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you can share it in the community. Hey, you know God highlighted this to me and

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and then you share what God highlighted to you in what that person shared and

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then we can see is God gonna highlight something in you that you can grow and

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receive something from so that we're always sitting in a position of

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receiving, surrender, what does God want to do in this season for us? So I want to

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encourage that, okay? So please continue to do that. Please don't forget that we

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do offer one-on-one coaching. It is an additional cost but if you feel like you

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need a little bit more time to process things longer than what we're able to

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give here on these group calls, okay? And obviously in the app we're there to

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coach you as well. It doesn't mean that we're not here to coach you. It's just

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sometimes some people need to be able to process for a long period of time. That

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is me, okay? I'm an external processor and I use a lot of words to process

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things, okay? Cherchelle knows. She gets it. I am an external processor. I need a

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lot of that. So if that's you and you're just like, okay, I'm gonna need, I need to

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just really get to the nitty-gritty of this and I need a 50-minute session.

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I'm gonna just you know invest in that and

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Sign up for a one-on-one coaching session. Those are offered. It's in the resource tab. Okay?

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otherwise if that's just something again that you're like, I you know, I'm

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Again financially you're like, I don't know then we're here to process it with you

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It just may take a little bit longer

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You might not be able to get a full like 50 minute like get it done right now. I am impatient and

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And I use a lot of words so for me like those are things that like I need and so those are

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available

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For those reasons resources are available for those ladies that are very similar to me. Okay?

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So again, those are in the resource tab. So, all right. I don't know if any of you ladies saw

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My post the other day. I'm actually going to use that to pray from this morning

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As we pray into this and then we're gonna get into our

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coaching for

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Today and then I'll take your questions and then I will

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Gently remind myself to give you all your activation because I think I've forgotten to do that for several weeks

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You forget to do the activation at the end. Yes, like thank you

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Yeah, and I'm like, oh I forgot to mention the activation at the end of my call because we just get into the coaching part

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and take in all the questions, so

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We're gonna do that. So, all right

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I'm going to use my prayer that God

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released over me

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The other day and so I'm gonna use that to pray us in and then we'll get started. Okay, so

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Heavenly Father, I just I thank you as we step into this season

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Lord that we open our hands and we surrender our hearts

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Lord I ask that you use us and that you prepare us

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Lord that you use me and that you prepare me in this season as well, or I thank you for the gift of

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Being able to pour into these women. I thank you for each and every one of them that you've brought them here

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Lord, and I just I

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Can't thank you enough for their hearts and their openness and their vulnerability

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Lord I ask that you not only make me ready, but you make them ready

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For all that you have for us to receive not just on this call today, but just moving forward

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Lord I thank you that

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We don't have to fear the clouds the rain

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That those are a sign of abundance and provision and growth

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That you use that rain to grow the seeds that have been planted

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That the tears that we have sown

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That you don't waste a single one

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You see them all and you use them to bring healing growth and restoration

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Lord, I thank you that you don't leave our side that you meet us in every single season

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That we can come to you exactly as we are

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That you heal us restore us you are you strengthen us and you renew us

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You don't do this just for ourselves

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You don't do this just for ourselves

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But you do this so that we can pour into each other as well

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And Lord, I thank you for that opportunity that you've given me and I thank you that you've given each and every one of these

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opportunities for these women as well

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Lord, I ask that you fill us today with humility and vulnerability

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That you allow us to use every single part of our story for the glory of your kingdom

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Lord, I ask that you bring forth deep meaningful connections

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You open fields of rich sweet abundant fruit for all of us to enjoy

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Lord, I thank you for the endless harvest that you allow us to step into

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The grace that you give us to gather things that we didn't plant and that we are reminded of your goodness

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Is always going to be greater than what we imagine and I thank you for that in Jesus name

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Amen

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All right

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Teaching from insecurity to confidence. So I'm going to move through this as quickly as I can

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So keep your questions get a question raise your hand. We will definitely take those at the end of here

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My goal is for us to

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Be able to

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I'm going to give the information and then I want at while I'm going through

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Be able to

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be able to

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this teaching I'm going to hopefully ask for you ladies to go through and

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be able to

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be able to

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be able to

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process some of this on your own and then it will lead into our activation as

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be able to

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be able to

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well okay so we're gonna start here so most times we think about confidence

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especially in dating we think it's got to look like in order for me to be

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confident in dating it has to mean I'm not bothered by things I don't overthink

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things and I'm I'm walking into dating in completely secure okay we look at our

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attachment styles and you know many of us okay I know there's a few of you that

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taken that attachment style quiz which is in the resource tab and you know

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there are a couple people that they'll take that attachment style and they get

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secure attachment alright and for those of you that take that good for you not

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all of us get that okay oh you know I'm speaking to those ladies that don't or

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for us that don't that don't get the secure attachment we love you ladies

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that get secure attachment but some of us are probably like mmm must be nice

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alright but not all of us have that secure okay some of us have anxious

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attachment some of us have avoidant attachment I myself have a little mixture

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both okay so um so yeah um the reality is that not all of us are secure

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attachment okay so that's not real that's just not realistic that doesn't

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mean that we cannot step into some secure attachment okay but I want us to

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just think okay I'm gonna go into this dating situation and just because I've

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had heartwork does not necessarily mean I have to show up and have to look a

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certain way in order to be confident in this and if I mess up or if I don't look

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a certain way if it doesn't turn out a certain way then it must mean I'm not

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good at this dating thing or I must not be ready for dating right and that's

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just not true okay all right that's just not real um confidence doesn't mean that

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there is just no absence of insecurity whatsoever like that there's just not an

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absence of insecurity like you can still be confident and have some insecurity and

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I want you ladies to understand like what that looks like so it's

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understanding what your insecurity your insecurity is pointing to okay so that's

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the goal it's not saying I can't be confident and insecure at the same time

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it's I can be confident because my insecurity is pointing to me to

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something that God wants me to work on

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this is the truth your triggers are not the problem

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the triggers are just a signal

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your triggers are not the problem it is a signal that there is a problem and God

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wants you to partner with him to heal it

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so guess what ladies you're in that you're in this season of going through

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the hard work and guess what we tell you when you step into dating you're gonna

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get triggered some of you are gonna not want to do the dating because it is

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going to trigger you so you're just gonna avoid the dating altogether you're

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afraid of it you're just not date because freaks you out y'all that was me

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for a little while I didn't date because I didn't date for a good solid year when

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I was in this program that was part of my avoidance I was anxious and avoidant

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so my avoidant came in and then once I started getting into my avoidant then my

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anxiousness comes in okay and now I'm in marriage so now I get a little bit

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both okay so it's about learning what that can look like what do those

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triggers actually point to and so some of you are like I'm not gonna date

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because I'm avoiding that I can't be confident today

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So we got to look at that and then some of you are going in and dating because

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There is like this anxiousness like I got I got a date something. I got to get some validation

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I got to get something I'm missing something. And so I need to fill it. I

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got to attach anxiously and

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So then we're insecure and we second-guess like oh, does he like me? Does he not like me?

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Why isn't this moving fast enough all these like anxious stuff starts showing up

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So you'll see I see women coming in here. Some of them are just like hmm. I can't I'm not dating

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I can't get a day that uh, you know

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I see that and then I see

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women that are just jumping date after date after date and finding all the flags all the flags or and they're like

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Why is this not working? And then they're like

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Overdoing it like they're an overload. Okay, the

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Relationship is going to do that relationship is going to

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Trigger you okay one way or another you're either gonna avoid it or anxious and if you're secure, oh great

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again

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Us ladies that are not secure and don't operate that so nicely and we're still learning how to do that in our heart work

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We're side-eyeing you just a little bit

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Okay, we love you, but we are side-eyeing because it's so, you know, we're being triggered. That's what it is. Okay

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Don't don't take offense to it and you're secure so you're not gonna take offense to it

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But us ladies that are not superior. We're probably like

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Must be nice

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All right, so that's what that is there it's your triggers are not are not the problem

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It's just a signal that there's some healing that needs to get done

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Okay, so you got to do that healing part in that heart work part without the dating

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And so now you're stepping into this dating part. It's gonna bring some stuff up. Okay, and guess what ladies?

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Your marriages are going to probably bring some triggers, too

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I am experiencing that right now

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Okay, it doesn't it doesn't mean it's horrible I

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Am thankful that I have this community and I have this teaching that I have done this work

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So that I'm like, oh I know what this is

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But as someone who has gone through this program

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For two years before I met my husband and now I'm two and a half years in y'all

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Let me just tell you do the preparation now

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Really surrender it now because it is going to come up in marriage

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You're gonna want to do as much as you can

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To heal yourself do not neglect and avoid the things that God is trying to show you in this dating season

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Please

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Don't avoid it if you're gonna avoid it don't avoid it. I

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Wasn't avoid it and there's some things that I will I am going to be transparent

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There were a lot of things that I avoided and now I'm I can't not avoid it

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You can't avoid it in marriage, especially when you have children

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And I got children that have trauma

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It's just the truth, okay

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So

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That's that

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I'm spending a lot longer time on that than I wanted to so I'm gonna move right along

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Okay, so the root the root is the heart issues. That's beneath the insecurity

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Okay, so that is I gotta make sure I get to my spot here, um

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You don't just react

399
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To what's happening?

400
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It's not just a reaction to what is actually happening. You're reacting to what it means to you

401
00:29:01.160 --> 00:29:03.160
What does it mean to you

402
00:29:03.760 --> 00:29:06.560
What happens it means something to you?

403
00:29:07.240 --> 00:29:09.920
It's connected to something that's happened

404
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Some something okay, it's cuz y'all everyone in here

405
00:29:21.160 --> 00:29:27.800
Can be put in a situation the same situation and all of you will respond differently a

406
00:29:29.680 --> 00:29:33.160
Delayed text if I ask you ladies

407
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How how do you respond to a delayed text every single one of you is gonna have a different

408
00:29:41.280 --> 00:29:43.280
response

409
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Same situation different response

410
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Someone's tone

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With you

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You're gonna have a different response

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Then

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everyone in here. I'm going to get transparent here. Tones are a trigger for me. Someone's

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tone sends me a message and gets me really into my feelings. And that has been a challenge

416
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to explain to my husband. His tone sends me messages. I understand that they are not what

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he's trying to say, but the tone he takes sends me a message. And then I react and then

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my reactions trigger him y'all. And we go in this cycle. Okay. It's learning. It's not

419
00:31:00.420 --> 00:31:06.160
the thing that's happening. It's what is, what does it mean? And so if I'm not willing

420
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to go look and search, what does this situation mean to me? I'm not going to be able to get

421
00:31:17.540 --> 00:31:29.660
out of that pattern. If he doesn't go and look at his stuff and his trigger, he won't

422
00:31:29.660 --> 00:31:34.300
get out of that pattern. We both have to come together. Y'all, when you get in a relationship,

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you got to have two people doing that. So right now y'all are single. You're only doing

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you. So work on this now with yourself because the reality is not a lot of men are going to go

425
00:31:51.100 --> 00:31:56.940
and be getting this kind of work. The reality is not a lot of men go do this stuff. And I know

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we're all like, Oh, well then I'm now I'm going to put these standards. This man has had to go

427
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through the heartwork. Y'all I wish it was that easy, but that might not be your love story.

428
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Wasn't mine. Now that my husband do some work. Absolutely. He did. Okay. But he didn't have the

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same level that I did. And even then, like, clearly I avoided a lot. So that's what I'm

430
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saying. Like, let's get into this habit. I really want to pull this out of you. I really want this

431
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to sink in with you ladies. Okay. So why this, I think this teaching is going to be so good. I

432
00:32:47.300 --> 00:32:53.140
think this is going to become one of my new favorite teachings basically. Okay. So we're

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00:32:53.140 --> 00:33:01.340
all going to have these different reactions to different situations because it means something

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00:33:01.420 --> 00:33:07.860
different. You know, one person can stay grounded and be like, Oh, well that doesn't phase me. A

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changed tone doesn't phase me. You know, my husband, like to him, he's like, your tone might

436
00:33:14.540 --> 00:33:22.860
not trick my, my tone might not trigger him. I know my emotions do my like over emotions do. So

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if his tone triggers me and then I allow my emotions to get in, Ooh, that's just not a good

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combination. And so he, certain things won't trigger him. Certain things will trigger me. So

439
00:33:36.420 --> 00:33:44.900
again, one person could stay grounded and secure with something, and that might make someone else

440
00:33:44.900 --> 00:33:53.100
spiral. Okay. So a tone might trigger you where another woman in here is like, well, the tone

441
00:33:53.100 --> 00:34:00.900
doesn't trigger me. It's someone raising their voice to me or not. Actually, that's still a tone

442
00:34:00.900 --> 00:34:07.380
thing. I'm changing their plans. Someone who's not a planner. That's probably a better one. That's

443
00:34:07.380 --> 00:34:15.820
when I get a lot to the guy doesn't plan. And that's, that's what, like, I'm a planner. So

444
00:34:16.420 --> 00:34:21.980
people that don't make plans, like, I don't care. People don't make plans. I've been, if you, if

445
00:34:21.980 --> 00:34:27.420
you're not a planner, then I just want you to follow my plan. That's fine. You don't want to

446
00:34:27.420 --> 00:34:38.460
plan. No, no problem. Just follow mine. If you don't want to plan or you don't want to follow my

447
00:34:38.460 --> 00:34:44.659
plan, then guess what? You're going to need to plan yourself because I'll follow your plan. You got

448
00:34:44.659 --> 00:34:51.380
a plan. I'll follow your plan. I am one of those people y'all I can go. I am a planner, but I love

449
00:34:51.380 --> 00:34:59.820
it when someone else takes charge. I went to a retreat with a bunch of women at church. Y'all

450
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.840
some women that just could not deal with the fact that like they were told what to do when to go to

451
00:35:05.840 --> 00:35:12.880
bed like what like it was scheduled i mean there was a reason that they did it this way and i'm

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00:35:12.880 --> 00:35:21.040
like maybe we couldn't have our cell phones y'all and some of these women were losing their minds

453
00:35:21.040 --> 00:35:33.280
and i'm like y'all take it take it i don't have to be in charge of something let's go i need a break

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i'm down i'm ready for the lord yes i get uninterrupted time with the lord bring it i

455
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will follow what y'all i had i was one of the people that had to sleep in the room with eight

456
00:35:46.480 --> 00:35:54.080
other women there's some women that were like i have to share a room excuse me i was like and some

457
00:35:54.080 --> 00:35:59.360
of them they got the they got the room with like two other people and they got the big giant king

458
00:35:59.360 --> 00:36:06.880
bed and i'm like y'all i got i had the bunk the top and i was cool with it y'all i was like

459
00:36:08.080 --> 00:36:12.640
you just tell me where to go and i will i am happy happy happy

460
00:36:12.800 --> 00:36:21.920
okay like that don't bother me if you if you don't if you if you you want a plan

461
00:36:22.800 --> 00:36:26.000
you go for i will follow your plan but if you are someone

462
00:36:28.160 --> 00:36:33.600
that doesn't want to follow my plan yet

463
00:36:34.480 --> 00:36:38.960
you won't plan oh we got problems that gonna be a trigger for me

464
00:36:41.040 --> 00:36:48.960
all right so it's it's learning these things and so um our internal beliefs

465
00:36:52.560 --> 00:36:58.560
and unhealed places of our heart is why this happens

466
00:36:59.520 --> 00:37:08.960
okay and a lot of these are just their their roots okay and those common roots are the fear of

467
00:37:08.960 --> 00:37:16.560
abandonment the fear of not being chosen feeling not enough feeling too much

468
00:37:18.880 --> 00:37:24.880
there's fear of rejection fear of i think i said fear of not being chosen

469
00:37:25.200 --> 00:37:30.160
fear of rejection fear of i think i said that fear of abandonment rejection and

470
00:37:30.160 --> 00:37:33.600
then i think there is one more i think there's like the three

471
00:37:37.920 --> 00:37:40.560
but let's just go with where i'm at because i don't want to take up

472
00:37:40.560 --> 00:37:42.960
any more time than i know i'm kind of stretching this here

473
00:37:45.040 --> 00:37:49.840
um but y'all these these don't start in dating

474
00:37:50.240 --> 00:37:52.960
so all of you that are you know you're jumping into dating

475
00:37:53.840 --> 00:38:00.720
y'all this didn't start here it didn't start in dating it really didn't it didn't start in your

476
00:38:00.720 --> 00:38:10.080
relationships in the past you know or per se okay now are some of your past relationships pouring

477
00:38:10.080 --> 00:38:16.080
into the dating experience yes y'all i went when i went through heart work i did a lot of my heart

478
00:38:16.320 --> 00:38:20.000
work i did a lot of my heart work through like a lot of my childhood stuff

479
00:38:21.840 --> 00:38:29.840
and now as i'm in marriage i'm realizing a lot of stuff is surfacing from my past relationships

480
00:38:31.360 --> 00:38:37.680
where i'm like well i did some of that work with my my childhood there are still some deeper layers

481
00:38:37.680 --> 00:38:44.400
of my childhood that you know i'm realizing were in the past relationships that are now kind of

482
00:38:44.400 --> 00:38:51.760
coming into what i'm experiencing now and so i'm having to kind of dig into my past relationships

483
00:38:51.760 --> 00:38:57.840
and how i showed up there and what patterns got created in past relationships and fears

484
00:38:57.840 --> 00:39:05.920
and things that kind of surfaced and belief systems that formed there and then look at those

485
00:39:06.480 --> 00:39:12.800
and see how those got formed even in my childhood now luckily i've done a decent amount of heart

486
00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:21.280
work in my my child my child stuff that when i look there at my childhood stuff like it it's not

487
00:39:21.280 --> 00:39:26.800
as it's not like that heart surgery like when we all went like you know when you first time first

488
00:39:26.800 --> 00:39:30.160
time you go through heart work some of you ladies might just be recently out of heart work

489
00:39:31.120 --> 00:39:32.880
like the first time going through heart work y'all

490
00:39:35.600 --> 00:39:42.000
like jackie shares in the book like it's like scheduled heart surgery all right i promise you

491
00:39:43.280 --> 00:39:51.600
it doesn't have to be like that every single time you recognize an area that needs some healing

492
00:39:53.200 --> 00:39:58.160
a lot of times it's only like that when we typically avoid it when we avoid

493
00:39:58.160 --> 00:39:59.840
addressing it because then the

494
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.060
Problem just grows which means we need a bigger surgery

495
00:40:05.060 --> 00:40:06.740
Like sometimes it's just going there

496
00:40:06.740 --> 00:40:10.620
The doctor just needs a little fix something or give you a little little medication and you're good

497
00:40:10.800 --> 00:40:12.800
but if we avoid that problem

498
00:40:14.580 --> 00:40:16.380
And

499
00:40:16.380 --> 00:40:18.380
Continue to like not ignore it

500
00:40:20.220 --> 00:40:25.900
It's gonna create a bigger problem and eventually the doctor is gonna be like yeah, you're gonna need surgery

501
00:40:26.620 --> 00:40:28.620
You're gonna need to be put under some anesthesia

502
00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:31.000
like

503
00:40:31.000 --> 00:40:33.600
Y'all do not get to a point

504
00:40:34.640 --> 00:40:37.720
Where you stop avoiding and you neglect it

505
00:40:38.320 --> 00:40:42.320
Do the work now and and some of you like there's gonna be some stuff. It's not gonna be fun

506
00:40:43.720 --> 00:40:51.440
All right, but we're in this community where we get to experience this and be here for each other

507
00:40:52.080 --> 00:40:54.440
Like this is such an amazing opportunity

508
00:40:56.520 --> 00:40:58.520
Like what a gift

509
00:40:59.080 --> 00:41:05.240
Like I'm so blessed and so thankful for Jackie and David and what they've what they've created here

510
00:41:05.640 --> 00:41:07.640
y'all I like I

511
00:41:08.120 --> 00:41:11.760
Would not be where I'm at if it wasn't for them

512
00:41:15.880 --> 00:41:18.600
I wouldn't and I'm so thankful for it

513
00:41:20.360 --> 00:41:22.480
It is absolutely amazing

514
00:41:23.000 --> 00:41:24.480
And

515
00:41:24.480 --> 00:41:30.200
Y'all like I still am leaning on Jackie and David and you know

516
00:41:30.560 --> 00:41:35.640
Others in this program to help me through this season now. I'm so blessed

517
00:41:37.280 --> 00:41:38.760
It's such a beautiful thing

518
00:41:38.760 --> 00:41:46.400
So don't allow that to pass you by when these things get brought up like I really want you to embrace it

519
00:41:46.720 --> 00:41:47.840
so

520
00:41:47.840 --> 00:41:53.640
These these things don't start in dating the dating is going to reveal them

521
00:41:54.800 --> 00:41:56.480
Okay

522
00:41:56.480 --> 00:41:58.480
And it's nothing to be scared of

523
00:41:58.760 --> 00:42:06.600
Alright, so how might this in insecurity show up and how does it feed your triggers? Okay, there's I'm gonna do five

524
00:42:06.600 --> 00:42:10.360
I'm gonna go through this quickly because again, I want to want to get through this

525
00:42:10.920 --> 00:42:16.440
You might overanalyze everything and if someone wants to type these in the chat for me

526
00:42:16.760 --> 00:42:19.640
Because I know I'm gonna have to rush through these quickly

527
00:42:20.200 --> 00:42:23.800
So then that way for if I'm rushing too fast people can

528
00:42:24.760 --> 00:42:26.760
Can catch them in the chat?

529
00:42:27.400 --> 00:42:29.400
over analyzing everything

530
00:42:29.800 --> 00:42:34.680
So for example, like why is he why hasn't he texted? Did I do did I say something wrong?

531
00:42:34.760 --> 00:42:38.360
The trigger is there's like an uncertainty you're unsure

532
00:42:39.240 --> 00:42:41.240
You don't know what's going on

533
00:42:41.720 --> 00:42:43.720
The root that that's the trigger

534
00:42:45.080 --> 00:42:49.400
The root is you lack internal security

535
00:42:52.920 --> 00:42:59.400
The trigger is uncertainty the root is you don't feel secure inside

536
00:43:01.720 --> 00:43:03.720
Okay

537
00:43:05.240 --> 00:43:10.680
So if you're over analyzing everything that's we want to get to that root second

538
00:43:13.400 --> 00:43:15.660
Seeking constant reassurance

539
00:43:17.080 --> 00:43:19.080
That needing validation

540
00:43:19.880 --> 00:43:23.400
Wanting clarity too early like you need to know where this is going

541
00:43:24.600 --> 00:43:25.640
like

542
00:43:25.640 --> 00:43:27.640
Where is he? Where's he at? Like what?

543
00:43:28.040 --> 00:43:29.720
What page is he on?

544
00:43:29.720 --> 00:43:31.320
like y'all are

545
00:43:31.400 --> 00:43:35.800
Y'all y'all haven't even met on a date you don't even know like y'all haven't met in person

546
00:43:37.080 --> 00:43:39.480
Or maybe you've had one or two dates and you're still like

547
00:43:41.080 --> 00:43:43.080
I don't know

548
00:43:43.160 --> 00:43:46.440
He's got this divorce and da da da da. Well, well

549
00:43:47.800 --> 00:43:50.040
Hold hold up like you just met him

550
00:43:50.760 --> 00:43:52.440
Okay

551
00:43:52.440 --> 00:43:56.520
We don't need to to quickly get it. You know, it's about pacing

552
00:43:57.000 --> 00:43:59.720
Okay, the one in clarity is super early

553
00:44:00.440 --> 00:44:07.480
Feeling anxious without affirmation like there's no affirmation. So it's making you anxious

554
00:44:08.920 --> 00:44:10.440
Okay, so

555
00:44:10.440 --> 00:44:15.640
You're needing validation wanting clarity feeling anxious because you're not getting out affirmation

556
00:44:15.880 --> 00:44:20.520
There's this you're needing reassurance the trigger might be this silence or space

557
00:44:23.080 --> 00:44:25.900
Okay, that's that's the trigger

558
00:44:30.680 --> 00:44:34.520
There's silence or space because there's not reassurance there

559
00:44:36.040 --> 00:44:38.040
That's the trigger the root

560
00:44:40.120 --> 00:44:42.760
Might be this fear of not being enough

561
00:44:45.480 --> 00:44:49.640
I need reassurance because I might not be enough

562
00:44:53.880 --> 00:44:55.880
I need to be reassured

563
00:44:55.880 --> 00:44:59.000
So I can then that kind of

564
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.800
to me goes back into, I need to feel secure about that.

565
00:45:03.840 --> 00:45:04.680
Okay?

566
00:45:04.680 --> 00:45:06.120
Some of these can all kind of like mingle.

567
00:45:06.120 --> 00:45:08.160
I'm just giving you some examples.

568
00:45:08.160 --> 00:45:12.540
Number three, comparing yourself to others.

569
00:45:14.440 --> 00:45:16.880
If you're someone that, you know,

570
00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:20.320
you compare yourself to their ex,

571
00:45:20.320 --> 00:45:21.720
especially for someone that might want

572
00:45:21.720 --> 00:45:23.400
to bring up their ex all the time.

573
00:45:23.400 --> 00:45:25.600
Again, if someone's bringing up their ex all the time,

574
00:45:25.600 --> 00:45:29.440
I'd be like, hmm, let's look at that.

575
00:45:29.440 --> 00:45:30.280
Okay?

576
00:45:30.280 --> 00:45:33.340
For some women, like that doesn't bother them.

577
00:45:37.240 --> 00:45:39.160
Some women, that would be a trigger.

578
00:45:39.160 --> 00:45:40.120
And that's okay.

579
00:45:40.120 --> 00:45:41.960
Some of those triggers, I would,

580
00:45:41.960 --> 00:45:43.600
if it doesn't trigger you,

581
00:45:44.440 --> 00:45:46.560
you got someone's bringing up his ex all the time,

582
00:45:46.560 --> 00:45:47.840
we gonna look into that.

583
00:45:48.720 --> 00:45:50.440
We're your blind spots over here.

584
00:45:50.440 --> 00:45:52.560
We're your coaches and we're gonna be your blind spot.

585
00:45:52.560 --> 00:45:55.960
But I won't know what's going on if y'all don't tell me,

586
00:45:55.960 --> 00:45:58.680
hey, this is what we were talking about on our date.

587
00:45:58.720 --> 00:46:00.880
Some of y'all come in and tell us what's going on.

588
00:46:00.880 --> 00:46:04.560
Like when you're like a month into this date

589
00:46:04.560 --> 00:46:06.920
and now you got some gas leaks.

590
00:46:11.000 --> 00:46:12.520
It happens, all right?

591
00:46:12.520 --> 00:46:13.700
And it's okay.

592
00:46:14.560 --> 00:46:15.400
We love you.

593
00:46:15.400 --> 00:46:17.620
If it just, it will happen.

594
00:46:17.620 --> 00:46:19.480
If you've done it, don't worry.

595
00:46:19.480 --> 00:46:21.720
We're here for you, okay?

596
00:46:21.720 --> 00:46:23.920
Just don't not share it with us

597
00:46:23.920 --> 00:46:25.680
because now you're like worried.

598
00:46:25.680 --> 00:46:27.840
Oh my gosh, I didn't come in here

599
00:46:27.880 --> 00:46:30.760
and share this and now it's exploded.

600
00:46:30.760 --> 00:46:33.280
Like now there's all these gas, it's okay.

601
00:46:33.280 --> 00:46:35.360
Look, we're all here to learn.

602
00:46:35.360 --> 00:46:37.200
We're all here, like we all make mistakes.

603
00:46:37.200 --> 00:46:39.480
We're all like, it's okay.

604
00:46:39.480 --> 00:46:42.600
So, you know, maybe he's comparing,

605
00:46:42.600 --> 00:46:44.480
you know, he's constantly bringing up his ex

606
00:46:44.480 --> 00:46:46.240
and you're comparing yourself to his ex.

607
00:46:46.240 --> 00:46:48.520
There's other women, there's social media.

608
00:46:48.520 --> 00:46:52.720
I know a lot of y'all, you go on their social media

609
00:46:52.720 --> 00:46:56.420
and y'all go figuring out who are they following.

610
00:46:58.320 --> 00:47:01.080
You know how many ladies I have seen?

611
00:47:01.080 --> 00:47:03.680
Hey, I met this guy like on Instagram

612
00:47:03.680 --> 00:47:05.120
and I looked at who he's following.

613
00:47:05.120 --> 00:47:07.660
He is following a lot of really risky women.

614
00:47:09.160 --> 00:47:10.000
Okay.

615
00:47:11.320 --> 00:47:13.800
Yeah, might be a red flag,

616
00:47:13.800 --> 00:47:18.800
but let's really get to the root

617
00:47:21.240 --> 00:47:26.240
because the trigger is this competition,

618
00:47:26.480 --> 00:47:28.480
this perceived competition.

619
00:47:28.480 --> 00:47:32.280
Like they are looking at other women,

620
00:47:32.280 --> 00:47:35.640
that there is some competition there, that it's unhealthy.

621
00:47:37.160 --> 00:47:39.120
If y'all are going and searching for that

622
00:47:39.120 --> 00:47:42.040
and there's like, and you're like,

623
00:47:42.040 --> 00:47:44.200
I don't know, that's a red flag for me.

624
00:47:44.200 --> 00:47:48.880
You're right, like we can discuss how that is a red flag,

625
00:47:48.880 --> 00:47:51.280
but if you're hyper-focused on that

626
00:47:52.720 --> 00:47:55.100
and y'all are sitting there combing through,

627
00:47:56.960 --> 00:48:00.320
it may be a red flag and we might release him,

628
00:48:00.320 --> 00:48:05.120
but we're gonna need to address this root

629
00:48:05.120 --> 00:48:09.480
of having an identity that's insecure

630
00:48:11.920 --> 00:48:15.080
because it's gotten you to a point where it's freaked you out.

631
00:48:16.600 --> 00:48:19.040
Now, some of you will see it and just be like,

632
00:48:19.040 --> 00:48:23.000
oh, yeah, I'm not attracted to that,

633
00:48:23.000 --> 00:48:25.760
and you'll move on and that's fine.

634
00:48:26.920 --> 00:48:29.560
You'll see that and you'll be like, I'm okay with that

635
00:48:29.560 --> 00:48:31.680
because it doesn't stir anything,

636
00:48:31.680 --> 00:48:36.680
but the ladies that that doesn't trigger,

637
00:48:39.040 --> 00:48:41.400
those are the ones that don't bring it up.

638
00:48:41.400 --> 00:48:43.640
I don't hear about those because they've moved on

639
00:48:43.640 --> 00:48:46.440
and they haven't allowed that

640
00:48:46.440 --> 00:48:49.960
to create discouragement in them.

641
00:48:49.960 --> 00:48:52.800
They've allowed, like the women that struggle with that

642
00:48:52.800 --> 00:48:57.800
are the ones that that's created a discouragement in.

643
00:49:00.280 --> 00:49:02.800
If it's discouraging to you,

644
00:49:02.800 --> 00:49:04.520
then there's probably a root there.

645
00:49:04.520 --> 00:49:06.080
There's probably some healing.

646
00:49:07.120 --> 00:49:11.720
The root would be an identity of insecurity.

647
00:49:14.720 --> 00:49:16.320
It's probably like a rejection.

648
00:49:16.680 --> 00:49:21.680
You might be too much, not enough,

649
00:49:24.640 --> 00:49:26.480
which is also, that kind of goes,

650
00:49:26.480 --> 00:49:28.480
the too much, this is actually,

651
00:49:31.520 --> 00:49:32.880
goes into the next one.

652
00:49:34.800 --> 00:49:38.000
Number four is like you're overgiving and over-functioning.

653
00:49:39.440 --> 00:49:41.040
You're doing too much too soon.

654
00:49:41.320 --> 00:49:42.720
That's a lot of, that's,

655
00:49:42.720 --> 00:49:45.000
a lot of anxious attachers will do that.

656
00:49:45.920 --> 00:49:47.280
They all remember names,

657
00:49:47.880 --> 00:49:50.880
because there's a lot of negative space

658
00:49:50.880 --> 00:49:54.640
over yummy 👧‍🌶‍🌶‍🌶‍🌶‍🌶‍🌵‍ like little candy monsters.

659
00:49:58.080 --> 00:49:59.040
Then number five.

660
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.040
Remember, I'm both.

661
00:50:00.320 --> 00:50:02.440
Something that comes up at the end of a good deed

662
00:50:02.440 --> 00:50:05.400
is that God can forgive,

663
00:50:03.880 --> 00:50:06.720
I have this fear of not being enough,

664
00:50:05.400 --> 00:50:06.320
but anyway,

665
00:50:06.720 --> 00:50:08.120
about being rejected,

666
00:50:09.440 --> 00:50:12.320
because I'm not enough.

667
00:50:12.320 --> 00:50:14.920
And then I also have this, I'm too much.

668
00:50:16.520 --> 00:50:17.360
Whoo!

669
00:50:18.700 --> 00:50:22.440
So I relate to all of you ladies.

670
00:50:22.440 --> 00:50:25.560
All right, so the next one is like,

671
00:50:25.560 --> 00:50:28.420
you might show up over giving and over functioning.

672
00:50:28.420 --> 00:50:29.620
You might be like, so like I said,

673
00:50:29.620 --> 00:50:33.760
doing too much too soon, trying to win somebody over,

674
00:50:33.760 --> 00:50:36.900
trying to please, this is my people pleasers.

675
00:50:36.900 --> 00:50:39.100
Okay, I'm a people pleaser.

676
00:50:39.100 --> 00:50:40.900
Might try to be fixing everything.

677
00:50:40.900 --> 00:50:43.740
I'm a fixer, y'all.

678
00:50:43.740 --> 00:50:46.620
I have this gift of being able to come in

679
00:50:46.620 --> 00:50:51.020
and I have a strong gift of discernment and wisdom

680
00:50:51.020 --> 00:50:53.740
and just being able to see things

681
00:50:53.740 --> 00:50:58.740
and like, I'm a great organizer, I'm a great planner.

682
00:50:59.140 --> 00:51:00.540
And so I'd come in and be like,

683
00:51:00.540 --> 00:51:02.860
oh, I see what needs to happen.

684
00:51:03.860 --> 00:51:07.840
And I can come in and I can fix and sort it all out.

685
00:51:07.840 --> 00:51:12.840
But I see that and I'm like, well, oh, let me help.

686
00:51:13.780 --> 00:51:17.020
Let me do this helper gift, this leader,

687
00:51:17.020 --> 00:51:18.960
like this, I can do this.

688
00:51:18.960 --> 00:51:21.820
And y'all, it gets overextended.

689
00:51:21.820 --> 00:51:26.820
And then I get into this operating

690
00:51:29.580 --> 00:51:33.940
in this unhealthy place, okay?

691
00:51:35.580 --> 00:51:38.380
Because now I'm sitting here, I got to fix.

692
00:51:38.380 --> 00:51:42.880
I got to do, I've got to perform.

693
00:51:44.340 --> 00:51:45.980
And the trigger might be,

694
00:51:45.980 --> 00:51:50.980
because if I don't, they might leave.

695
00:51:51.140 --> 00:51:53.020
I might lose them.

696
00:51:55.140 --> 00:52:00.140
They might fall apart.

697
00:52:02.180 --> 00:52:06.180
Y'all, I was in a relationship in my 20s

698
00:52:07.740 --> 00:52:10.620
where I was in a relationship with a drug addict,

699
00:52:10.620 --> 00:52:14.220
an alcoholic, severe drug addict.

700
00:52:18.540 --> 00:52:19.380
Very, very severe.

701
00:52:19.380 --> 00:52:23.260
And I had a very, I mean, back then I was a,

702
00:52:23.260 --> 00:52:28.260
I mean, codependent, people pleaser, very insecure.

703
00:52:28.620 --> 00:52:33.620
Like I needed, like I had to do so much to help and fix.

704
00:52:41.700 --> 00:52:46.700
And it was like, I could never, it was just a lot.

705
00:52:47.700 --> 00:52:52.700
Because I, and then the root was like, it was my,

706
00:52:55.340 --> 00:52:56.740
I had to earn it.

707
00:52:58.420 --> 00:53:01.100
I had to earn the love.

708
00:53:01.100 --> 00:53:02.660
I had to fix.

709
00:53:02.660 --> 00:53:04.700
It was my responsibility.

710
00:53:07.060 --> 00:53:08.660
So that's the root.

711
00:53:08.660 --> 00:53:11.500
Like you might believe you have to earn love.

712
00:53:12.420 --> 00:53:16.380
Your belief might be, it's my responsibility.

713
00:53:16.700 --> 00:53:17.940
I have to earn it.

714
00:53:17.940 --> 00:53:19.740
I have to fix it.

715
00:53:19.740 --> 00:53:21.100
I have to earn it.

716
00:53:21.100 --> 00:53:22.940
I have to earn it.

717
00:53:22.940 --> 00:53:24.740
I have to earn it.

718
00:53:24.740 --> 00:53:26.380
I have to earn it.

719
00:53:26.380 --> 00:53:28.820
So yeah, kind of like abandonment, like,

720
00:53:32.820 --> 00:53:34.260
yeah.

721
00:53:34.260 --> 00:53:35.940
And so it's recognizing these things

722
00:53:35.940 --> 00:53:38.420
as they show up in relationship,

723
00:53:38.420 --> 00:53:40.900
now that we've got heartwork and we can,

724
00:53:40.900 --> 00:53:43.220
and now we can sit here and be like,

725
00:53:43.220 --> 00:53:45.540
oh, this is what's going on.

726
00:53:45.540 --> 00:53:48.380
And when we recognize it, y'all,

727
00:53:48.380 --> 00:53:50.420
we see what we're attracting.

728
00:53:52.980 --> 00:53:56.340
Y'all, if these relationships in these situations

729
00:53:56.340 --> 00:53:57.380
that you're finding yourself,

730
00:53:57.380 --> 00:54:00.380
I want you to, like, these things are gonna surface.

731
00:54:00.380 --> 00:54:02.300
When you find yourself in these things,

732
00:54:02.300 --> 00:54:04.740
allow them to surface because guess what?

733
00:54:05.940 --> 00:54:09.100
It's just an opportunity for God to come in and heal you.

734
00:54:09.100 --> 00:54:10.780
And guess what?

735
00:54:10.780 --> 00:54:13.620
You're gonna get in relationships with some people

736
00:54:13.620 --> 00:54:16.460
that they themselves have stuff too.

737
00:54:16.460 --> 00:54:18.660
Y'all, I'm in a marriage and my husband's got stuff

738
00:54:18.660 --> 00:54:20.300
he's gotta work on too.

739
00:54:20.300 --> 00:54:22.980
It doesn't mean that I married the wrong person.

740
00:54:23.820 --> 00:54:26.220
It just means that God brought us together

741
00:54:26.220 --> 00:54:30.100
because we both have some healing to do.

742
00:54:30.100 --> 00:54:33.300
I'm not responsible for my husband's healing.

743
00:54:33.300 --> 00:54:35.340
My husband's not responsible for mine.

744
00:54:36.340 --> 00:54:41.340
We are both in a commitment

745
00:54:43.340 --> 00:54:46.900
and in a relationship that we both committed to.

746
00:54:48.820 --> 00:54:53.820
Before God, a covenant we've entered

747
00:54:53.820 --> 00:54:58.820
and a promise that we, God is our center.

748
00:54:58.820 --> 00:55:00.100
God is our center.

749
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:12.760
and therefore we take it to the Lord. I have a vow to my husband that I will I

750
00:55:12.760 --> 00:55:21.520
will go to God and that's who I go to for my source. I trust that he's gonna

751
00:55:21.520 --> 00:55:29.000
do the same thing and y'all that's the kind of healing that you want to enter

752
00:55:29.000 --> 00:55:34.680
into when you all are dating and these things will allow you when you enter

753
00:55:34.680 --> 00:55:39.360
like y'all are gonna have stuff that comes up in dating. Y'all I will tell you

754
00:55:39.360 --> 00:55:44.280
we had this stuff when we were dating and I'm gonna be honest I neglected a

755
00:55:44.280 --> 00:55:51.400
lot of it out of my own fears and insecurities. Now it doesn't mean like I

756
00:55:51.400 --> 00:55:56.360
said it doesn't mean that I married the wrong person it just means that now

757
00:55:56.360 --> 00:56:01.720
we're in marriage and we're blending our kids and now it's we got some stuff

758
00:56:01.720 --> 00:56:07.360
to work on and that's okay. I'm just thankful that I have a husband that

759
00:56:07.360 --> 00:56:10.320
wants to do the work.

760
00:56:10.720 --> 00:56:15.640
That's what we want you ladies entering into relationship with and that's why

761
00:56:15.640 --> 00:56:20.800
when these things surface is if you bring them to us we can help you

762
00:56:20.800 --> 00:56:31.560
navigate those and the goal is let's give you tools so that you can bring

763
00:56:31.560 --> 00:56:41.000
them to the table with the person that you are getting to know to see how they

764
00:56:41.000 --> 00:56:50.680
respond. Are they gonna show up mature marriage-minded and masculine? Is that

765
00:56:50.680 --> 00:56:54.880
how they're gonna show up? They're not gonna be perfect y'all they're gonna

766
00:56:54.880 --> 00:57:05.360
have yellow flags. Okay okay the last one reacting emotionally instead of

767
00:57:05.360 --> 00:57:14.400
responding intentionally. So this is like you're pulling away or maybe you're

768
00:57:14.400 --> 00:57:28.520
clinging. You get upset quickly. The trigger is perceived rejection but the

769
00:57:28.520 --> 00:57:34.120
root is unhealed emotional wounds.

770
00:57:38.480 --> 00:57:42.320
This is taking way longer than I thought but I really think that this is going to

771
00:57:42.320 --> 00:57:50.760
be really impactful. I hope y'all are getting some good stuff out of this. I

772
00:57:50.760 --> 00:57:54.160
really really do.

773
00:57:57.600 --> 00:58:07.120
Did we get the last one number five and I will post these in the I'm gonna post

774
00:58:07.120 --> 00:58:13.440
these in the community because I do think once we can unlock this I think it

775
00:58:13.440 --> 00:58:18.920
will really take y'all's dating to the next level. It really really will because

776
00:58:18.920 --> 00:58:23.320
this really it's all centered on heart work. It's all recognizing and you can't

777
00:58:23.320 --> 00:58:29.720
recognize all of this until you start getting into the dating. Okay and some of

778
00:58:29.720 --> 00:58:32.800
us you know we still need a little time and if that's you and you're not in like

779
00:58:32.800 --> 00:58:37.520
you're not dating yet or yeah that's fine like we're here like you don't have

780
00:58:37.520 --> 00:58:44.200
to be dating right now but we want to get you there. Okay so this is now how

781
00:58:44.200 --> 00:58:49.520
you can reframe some of those triggers and these aren't these aren't random. Okay

782
00:58:49.520 --> 00:58:55.640
so instead of asking you got a shift so instead of asking why is he making me

783
00:58:55.640 --> 00:59:02.400
feel this way. I tell my kids all the time like I have a my youngest son I

784
00:59:02.480 --> 00:59:07.640
remember when he was in preschool he got in trouble and he's like well they they

785
00:59:07.640 --> 00:59:12.760
were doing it they were like throwing something over like the playground fence

786
00:59:12.760 --> 00:59:18.200
well mom they were doing it and I'm like well just because they were doing didn't

787
00:59:18.200 --> 00:59:22.080
mean you have to do it well well and I was like did they make you do it he's

788
00:59:22.080 --> 00:59:28.240
like yeah and I'm like no they didn't no one makes you do anything you choose

789
00:59:28.240 --> 00:59:38.960
guess what God gave y'all free will we all have free will we get to choose so

790
00:59:38.960 --> 00:59:45.160
instead of saying why is someone making me feel this way we're asking what is

791
00:59:45.160 --> 00:59:54.440
this revealing in me I am I responding this way what's this showing me y'all

792
00:59:54.440 --> 01:00:01.320
hear me say all the time you'll keep hearing me say all the time

793
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:07.000
When you get in these dating situations, if you look at every single dating situation

794
01:00:07.000 --> 01:00:14.760
as an opportunity for growth, you will get so much out of this community.

795
01:00:14.760 --> 01:00:17.440
What is this revealing to me?

796
01:00:17.440 --> 01:00:24.480
If you find yourself in this constant pattern of just, you know, disappointed relationships

797
01:00:24.480 --> 01:00:25.480
or disappointed dates.

798
01:00:25.480 --> 01:00:33.260
Y'all, I went through so many first dates, guys just were not, like, going on second

799
01:00:33.260 --> 01:00:34.260
dates with me.

800
01:00:34.260 --> 01:00:39.640
A lot of them, I couldn't even get them to go on dates with me, okay?

801
01:00:39.640 --> 01:00:45.000
And that was identity stuff that I had to get to, okay?

802
01:00:45.000 --> 01:00:52.760
So those are things that we can look at.

803
01:00:52.760 --> 01:00:53.760
Where was I at?

804
01:00:54.240 --> 01:00:55.240
Why is this revealing?

805
01:00:55.240 --> 01:00:56.840
Like, what is this revealing to me?

806
01:00:56.840 --> 01:01:04.480
Because your triggers are highlighting beliefs, exposing wounds, and revealing where your

807
01:01:04.480 --> 01:01:13.960
healing is needed.

808
01:01:13.960 --> 01:01:17.840
So for example, if he's taken a lot, like a guy that you're dating is not responding

809
01:01:17.840 --> 01:01:28.520
to you quickly, like, I haven't heard from him, what's going on?

810
01:01:28.520 --> 01:01:29.520
And this is just an example.

811
01:01:29.520 --> 01:01:32.320
Some of you ladies might not struggle with this, and that's fine.

812
01:01:32.320 --> 01:01:33.320
There's other things.

813
01:01:33.320 --> 01:01:36.480
Like, I'm not just pointing out one thing and you're like, oh, that doesn't work.

814
01:01:36.480 --> 01:01:37.480
That doesn't happen to me.

815
01:01:37.480 --> 01:01:39.040
No, this is just an example, y'all.

816
01:01:39.040 --> 01:01:45.240
I want you really assessing how do you get triggered, okay?

817
01:01:45.240 --> 01:01:49.000
So this is just an example, okay?

818
01:01:49.000 --> 01:01:51.200
So he takes too long to respond.

819
01:01:51.200 --> 01:01:53.360
That trigger is just anxiety.

820
01:01:53.360 --> 01:01:56.960
You've got an anxious trigger, okay?

821
01:01:56.960 --> 01:02:01.880
And you are interpreting it, oh, he's losing interest.

822
01:02:01.880 --> 01:02:03.960
I'm not enough, okay?

823
01:02:03.960 --> 01:02:09.320
Now, however you decide to react, that's, again, you've got to recognize how do you

824
01:02:09.320 --> 01:02:12.240
respond to it, okay?

825
01:02:12.240 --> 01:02:16.120
What's it saying, okay?

826
01:02:16.120 --> 01:02:17.800
So you're like, oh, he's losing interest.

827
01:02:17.800 --> 01:02:22.960
Well, really, the deeper truth is, I just don't feel secure.

828
01:02:22.960 --> 01:02:29.640
I'm not feeling reassured right now, therefore, I don't feel secure.

829
01:02:29.640 --> 01:02:35.760
So it's not the fact that he's not responding.

830
01:02:35.760 --> 01:02:42.440
It's a heart issue that I'm not being reassured.

831
01:02:42.440 --> 01:02:48.480
And is it that person's job to reassure you?

832
01:02:48.480 --> 01:02:50.800
Where's the truth?

833
01:02:50.800 --> 01:02:56.800
Where do we get our worth and our reassurance?

834
01:02:56.800 --> 01:03:05.120
Yes, Sarah Shell, you get it from the Lord.

835
01:03:05.480 --> 01:03:16.160
We've been lied to by things that have happened in our lives, where the enemy has planted

836
01:03:16.160 --> 01:03:26.520
these seeds of deception and distraction and all these things, and we've allowed all these

837
01:03:26.520 --> 01:03:40.440
events in our life to create these belief systems that we now operate in.

838
01:03:40.440 --> 01:03:46.560
We want to go to the Lord and be like, okay, this is what you're, so the Lord's like, okay,

839
01:03:46.560 --> 01:03:50.160
you're operating in this, and this is what's showing up.

840
01:03:50.160 --> 01:03:57.520
Are you going to come to me now and recognize what it is that you're doing and how you're

841
01:03:57.520 --> 01:04:00.720
showing up and what you're believing?

842
01:04:00.720 --> 01:04:05.760
And do you want to come to me and partner with me so I can show you the truth and I

843
01:04:05.760 --> 01:04:10.040
can help you navigate this?

844
01:04:10.040 --> 01:04:15.600
So he can help you put in position and he can sit there and say, here, this is what

845
01:04:15.600 --> 01:04:16.600
I have for you.

846
01:04:16.800 --> 01:04:22.760
Let's work on this, because y'all, he's not keeping any blessing away from us.

847
01:04:22.760 --> 01:04:24.960
He is a good dad.

848
01:04:24.960 --> 01:04:31.560
A lot of times we're keeping it from ourselves, and sometimes he's keeping it from us because

849
01:04:31.560 --> 01:04:36.760
he's like, I can't give this to you because if I give it to you, you're not, like, you

850
01:04:36.760 --> 01:04:42.200
might not, it's going to get destructive.

851
01:04:42.200 --> 01:04:45.720
This might not be something that you can carry.

852
01:04:45.720 --> 01:04:57.720
Y'all, you're not going to give keys to a brand new Mercedes to a five-year-old.

853
01:04:57.720 --> 01:04:58.720
Five-year-old can't drive.

854
01:04:58.720 --> 01:05:00.040
Y'all, I ain't giving that to myself.

855
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.920
16-year-old, I ain't giving an expensive car

856
01:05:01.920 --> 01:05:03.360
to my 16-year-old.

857
01:05:03.360 --> 01:05:04.880
We're not even allowing my 16-year-old

858
01:05:04.880 --> 01:05:09.360
to drive my Honda CRV, y'all.

859
01:05:09.360 --> 01:05:11.960
And that thing has been on a couple accidents.

860
01:05:11.960 --> 01:05:16.920
I'm still not letting my teenage son use that car.

861
01:05:16.920 --> 01:05:19.400
We're like, no boy, you're gonna save up money

862
01:05:19.400 --> 01:05:24.400
and you won't get a truck, like an old, old truck.

863
01:05:24.880 --> 01:05:26.440
You won't learn how to drive in that.

864
01:05:26.440 --> 01:05:28.240
You ain't using my car.

865
01:05:30.440 --> 01:05:32.880
Like, why would we get, why, sometimes, why, what?

866
01:05:32.880 --> 01:05:35.120
God's not gonna, it's because he loves us

867
01:05:35.120 --> 01:05:36.080
and he cares about us.

868
01:05:36.080 --> 01:05:38.080
He's not gonna give us something

869
01:05:38.080 --> 01:05:40.760
that we're just gonna like, ugh,

870
01:05:40.760 --> 01:05:45.760
like not be able to have the capacity for.

871
01:05:48.440 --> 01:05:52.640
The third belief was, let me get back to my notes here.

872
01:05:53.760 --> 01:05:55.600
Revealing where healing is needed.

873
01:06:01.000 --> 01:06:03.240
So it's more or less saying, okay,

874
01:06:03.240 --> 01:06:08.240
there's a deeper truth, there's a heart issue there.

875
01:06:08.240 --> 01:06:11.440
So it's allowing that to come to surface.

876
01:06:14.040 --> 01:06:19.040
And so now, we're going to,

877
01:06:19.360 --> 01:06:21.000
the big part of this teaching now

878
01:06:21.000 --> 01:06:26.000
is how to build real confidence.

879
01:06:30.800 --> 01:06:35.320
Step one is identify the belief behind the trigger.

880
01:06:37.320 --> 01:06:42.280
So you're gonna ask yourself, what am I afraid this means?

881
01:06:42.280 --> 01:06:44.400
What story am I telling myself?

882
01:06:47.440 --> 01:06:52.440
So when you recognize a trigger or a response to something,

883
01:06:53.000 --> 01:06:54.920
what am I afraid this means?

884
01:06:54.920 --> 01:06:57.020
What is the story that I'm telling myself?

885
01:06:58.020 --> 01:07:01.860
You've gotta be able to identify what the trigger is

886
01:07:01.860 --> 01:07:03.220
and what you're believing.

887
01:07:05.340 --> 01:07:07.900
So we come on these calls

888
01:07:11.060 --> 01:07:14.980
and we do the group coaching

889
01:07:14.980 --> 01:07:16.620
and that's where I typically fall short

890
01:07:16.620 --> 01:07:19.060
because I'm always taking so long

891
01:07:19.060 --> 01:07:20.580
to go through these teachings.

892
01:07:21.220 --> 01:07:26.220
But y'all, this, what I'm teaching y'all right now,

893
01:07:27.980 --> 01:07:30.340
if we can get a hold of this,

894
01:07:31.860 --> 01:07:35.140
we are going to be able to really unlock

895
01:07:35.140 --> 01:07:37.460
a lot of growth in phase two.

896
01:07:39.260 --> 01:07:40.260
We really are.

897
01:07:42.300 --> 01:07:46.060
If we could start activating these patterns

898
01:07:46.060 --> 01:07:48.460
of recognizing and being able to how to build

899
01:07:48.460 --> 01:07:51.140
this confidence in dating,

900
01:07:52.380 --> 01:07:54.980
oh my, like y'all, is this gonna be,

901
01:07:54.980 --> 01:07:57.180
y'all are, it's gonna be good.

902
01:07:59.900 --> 01:08:03.020
Your dating experiences are gonna be good,

903
01:08:03.020 --> 01:08:04.180
which I believe then your marriages

904
01:08:04.180 --> 01:08:07.340
are gonna be really good, okay?

905
01:08:07.340 --> 01:08:08.780
It's just gonna be awesome.

906
01:08:08.780 --> 01:08:12.460
So you gotta be willing and able and surrender

907
01:08:12.460 --> 01:08:15.980
to the uncomfortableness of being able to identify

908
01:08:16.859 --> 01:08:19.460
the trigger and what's really behind it.

909
01:08:20.620 --> 01:08:21.819
What are you believing?

910
01:08:21.819 --> 01:08:24.700
Because that's where the transformation is going to start.

911
01:08:29.380 --> 01:08:32.380
The second thing you do is you've gotta challenge the lie

912
01:08:35.420 --> 01:08:36.819
because most of these insecurities

913
01:08:36.819 --> 01:08:38.899
are built on distorted beliefs,

914
01:08:38.899 --> 01:08:42.340
past experiences and false conclusions.

915
01:08:43.340 --> 01:08:46.540
And like we gotta go and replace those things with truth.

916
01:08:46.540 --> 01:08:50.979
You gotta be able to figure out what lie you're believing.

917
01:08:52.420 --> 01:08:54.660
It's time to get honest with ourselves.

918
01:08:56.859 --> 01:08:58.220
This is the vulnerability part.

919
01:08:58.220 --> 01:09:02.020
This is where you've gotta start owning your stuff.

920
01:09:04.260 --> 01:09:06.340
Y'all, this is Holy Spirit right here.

921
01:09:08.660 --> 01:09:10.180
We gotta stop sitting here

922
01:09:10.180 --> 01:09:12.859
and picking apart what the men are doing

923
01:09:12.859 --> 01:09:14.779
and we gotta start looking at ourselves.

924
01:09:18.380 --> 01:09:20.260
This is number two, challenge the lie.

925
01:09:23.700 --> 01:09:25.660
Because we gotta be replacing the truth.

926
01:09:26.979 --> 01:09:30.460
We gotta be able to get honest with ourselves

927
01:09:30.460 --> 01:09:34.420
so that we can really get to the root.

928
01:09:34.540 --> 01:09:37.340
So I'm gonna challenge you ladies,

929
01:09:39.180 --> 01:09:40.700
those of you that are dating,

930
01:09:47.020 --> 01:09:49.420
if you are someone that's constantly focusing

931
01:09:49.420 --> 01:09:51.180
on what the men are doing wrong,

932
01:09:53.660 --> 01:09:56.060
you've gotta be able to get honest with yourself.

933
01:09:58.540 --> 01:10:00.860
You've gotta be able to get honest with yourself

934
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.000
it's time to start looking in the mirror.

935
01:10:04.680 --> 01:10:07.600
That's going to be a hard one for some of you to hear.

936
01:10:07.600 --> 01:10:09.560
Y'all, that would be me.

937
01:10:09.560 --> 01:10:14.400
Y'all, I'm saying this and it's because I have to hear it for myself.

938
01:10:14.400 --> 01:10:16.840
I'm going to be real with y'all.

939
01:10:20.080 --> 01:10:28.440
Doesn't mean that there are red flags and you're not paying attention to red flags,

940
01:10:28.440 --> 01:10:30.680
or that you're not going to see yellow flags,

941
01:10:30.680 --> 01:10:32.180
and that you're not going to bring them here.

942
01:10:32.180 --> 01:10:34.040
You can still bring them here,

943
01:10:34.040 --> 01:10:37.640
but we're not going to sit there and focus so much on

944
01:10:37.640 --> 01:10:43.880
the other person's red and yellow flags that we're not looking at our own.

945
01:10:43.880 --> 01:10:47.320
Y'all, I'm getting like mama bear here.

946
01:10:47.320 --> 01:10:52.520
I'm getting mama on some of y'all.

947
01:10:53.400 --> 01:10:56.560
I think some of y'all need to hear this.

948
01:10:56.560 --> 01:11:01.760
I love y'all. It comes from this place of love.

949
01:11:01.760 --> 01:11:05.280
Y'all, I'm saying this because I'm saying it to myself.

950
01:11:05.280 --> 01:11:08.480
I'm having to get really hard on myself right now.

951
01:11:10.120 --> 01:11:14.840
It's time to start looking at your own stuff.

952
01:11:18.880 --> 01:11:22.240
Start looking at your own stuff.

953
01:11:22.680 --> 01:11:26.040
Because now number 3,

954
01:11:26.040 --> 01:11:29.280
it's time for you to do your heartwork.

955
01:11:29.280 --> 01:11:33.480
Y'all thought you got out of heartwork and face one.

956
01:11:33.720 --> 01:11:37.200
You get to do heartwork in here too.

957
01:11:37.200 --> 01:11:40.040
Yes. All you ladies that are like,

958
01:11:40.040 --> 01:11:42.880
I think I need to go back to heartwork. Can I go back?

959
01:11:42.880 --> 01:11:45.920
No, because we're going to do heartwork with you in here too.

960
01:11:45.920 --> 01:11:49.480
I'm excited to do heartwork with y'all.

961
01:11:50.040 --> 01:11:55.840
Number 3, it's time to get your heartwork pants on.

962
01:11:55.840 --> 01:11:57.360
You don't take those off.

963
01:11:57.360 --> 01:12:00.880
You're not going to go do heartwork and put your heartwork pants on,

964
01:12:00.880 --> 01:12:04.040
and then step into phase 2 and then go take those pants off.

965
01:12:04.040 --> 01:12:06.680
No, ladies, you're keeping pants on when we go out dating.

966
01:12:06.680 --> 01:12:10.440
You ain't allowed to take your pants off when you go out dating.

967
01:12:10.600 --> 01:12:16.400
No, ma'am. You're keeping those on.

968
01:12:20.280 --> 01:12:23.920
We're going to keep those heartwork pants on because we're going to still do that.

969
01:12:23.920 --> 01:12:25.880
Because this is not just behavior management,

970
01:12:25.880 --> 01:12:29.520
this is we're getting some heartwork done.

971
01:12:29.520 --> 01:12:32.960
I'm just going to act confident because I got some heartwork now.

972
01:12:32.960 --> 01:12:34.520
I'm going to act confident.

973
01:12:34.520 --> 01:12:38.920
Y'all, I'm going to pretend this doesn't bother me.

974
01:12:39.320 --> 01:12:42.080
Y'all, I will promise you,

975
01:12:42.080 --> 01:12:47.120
you can sit there and you could pretend things are looking good,

976
01:12:47.160 --> 01:12:49.680
and you can sit there and make everyone think that,

977
01:12:49.680 --> 01:12:52.920
oh, this relationship is fine,

978
01:12:52.920 --> 01:12:54.560
or, oh, no, I'm loving this.

979
01:12:54.560 --> 01:12:56.480
This dating thing is great.

980
01:12:56.480 --> 01:12:57.760
I love it.

981
01:12:57.760 --> 01:13:00.520
Oh, it's looking great.

982
01:13:01.160 --> 01:13:07.600
Y'all, I was usually not that person in this community.

983
01:13:07.600 --> 01:13:10.120
I was always looking at the women that were doing that,

984
01:13:10.120 --> 01:13:13.560
and I'm like, I was judgy.

985
01:13:13.560 --> 01:13:15.120
I was critical.

986
01:13:15.160 --> 01:13:18.680
I'm like, how is it that they've got all this stuff going for them,

987
01:13:18.680 --> 01:13:22.160
and they've only been in this community for like four months,

988
01:13:22.160 --> 01:13:24.760
and they've already engaged?

989
01:13:24.760 --> 01:13:26.960
I'm like, what?

990
01:13:26.960 --> 01:13:31.480
Y'all, I was a little bit of a bitter Betsy.

991
01:13:32.680 --> 01:13:37.240
I was. It took me a little longer.

992
01:13:37.240 --> 01:13:41.360
Because again, I'm stubborn sometimes.

993
01:13:41.800 --> 01:13:50.320
All right. But no, it's hard work time, y'all.

994
01:13:51.160 --> 01:13:55.120
Here's the thing. Some of those women that are doing that,

995
01:13:55.120 --> 01:13:58.320
it's because they are honest with themselves.

996
01:13:58.320 --> 01:14:00.160
They are taking that stuff to the Lord.

997
01:14:00.160 --> 01:14:01.520
They are doing the work,

998
01:14:01.520 --> 01:14:06.040
but it might look like it is easy, but it's not.

999
01:14:06.040 --> 01:14:08.440
Y'all are just seeing the highlight reels.

1000
01:14:08.440 --> 01:14:10.760
Y'all scrolling through the social media,

1001
01:14:10.880 --> 01:14:12.720
and that's all you see.

1002
01:14:12.720 --> 01:14:15.800
Okay?

1003
01:14:15.800 --> 01:14:21.520
Because I would say all those social media posts that you see,

1004
01:14:21.520 --> 01:14:26.000
maybe 10% of those people really, really,

1005
01:14:26.000 --> 01:14:27.720
really are experiencing that

1006
01:14:27.720 --> 01:14:29.800
because they're really doing the hard, hard work.

1007
01:14:29.800 --> 01:14:33.640
And those are the people that are actually also getting real and honest with you,

1008
01:14:33.640 --> 01:14:37.200
and are going to sit there and share the junk with you too.

1009
01:14:38.200 --> 01:14:40.400
You're going to go to them,

1010
01:14:40.400 --> 01:14:42.320
and they're going to be real and honest with you.

1011
01:14:42.320 --> 01:14:46.680
The ones that their life is just so beautiful and all that,

1012
01:14:46.680 --> 01:14:49.000
they haven't done their hard work.

1013
01:14:49.000 --> 01:14:51.200
Okay?

1014
01:14:53.360 --> 01:15:01.160
We have a lot of women in here that have done their hard work.

1015
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.760
work, our success stories, and things are going great.

1016
01:15:08.760 --> 01:15:12.960
But it still doesn't mean that it's been easy for them, y'all.

1017
01:15:12.960 --> 01:15:14.880
It's not easy.

1018
01:15:14.880 --> 01:15:18.600
It just has to be worth it.

1019
01:15:18.600 --> 01:15:22.040
I do not want you ladies getting this false sense

1020
01:15:22.040 --> 01:15:27.920
that hard work is just going to make things easy.

1021
01:15:27.920 --> 01:15:29.240
It doesn't.

1022
01:15:29.240 --> 01:15:33.760
Hard work will have its challenges.

1023
01:15:33.760 --> 01:15:35.680
But I will tell you, I would rather

1024
01:15:35.680 --> 01:15:40.000
do hard work and all of this in a community

1025
01:15:40.000 --> 01:15:46.360
and have support than to sit there and try to do it myself

1026
01:15:46.360 --> 01:15:50.640
and ignore it and not be real and honest with people

1027
01:15:50.640 --> 01:15:57.480
and not receive the wisdom and the help from people

1028
01:15:57.480 --> 01:16:00.680
that God's putting in my life to be able to pour that into me.

1029
01:16:03.600 --> 01:16:05.240
I'm sitting here wanting to be, oh, well,

1030
01:16:05.240 --> 01:16:06.360
God's just going to do it.

1031
01:16:06.360 --> 01:16:07.240
God's going to do it.

1032
01:16:07.240 --> 01:16:09.880
Well, yeah, God's bringing us certain people to do it.

1033
01:16:09.880 --> 01:16:13.640
Are we willing to get honest and real with ourselves and own it?

1034
01:16:19.120 --> 01:16:24.120
Like, that is so valuable.

1035
01:16:24.120 --> 01:16:26.280
You've got to be willing to do the hard work.

1036
01:16:26.280 --> 01:16:26.780
OK?

1037
01:16:29.440 --> 01:16:34.440
Ask yourself, why do I feel unsafe?

1038
01:16:34.440 --> 01:16:38.000
Like, what is this showing me?

1039
01:16:38.000 --> 01:16:40.880
Why hasn't this healed yet?

1040
01:16:40.880 --> 01:16:44.360
I'm confident if, yeah, I've done some of this little hard work.

1041
01:16:44.360 --> 01:16:46.560
Now something else is coming up and it's surfacing.

1042
01:16:46.560 --> 01:16:49.480
So why?

1043
01:16:49.480 --> 01:16:51.120
Why does this feel unsafe?

1044
01:16:51.120 --> 01:16:53.640
Why hasn't this healed?

1045
01:16:53.680 --> 01:16:55.320
Confidence comes from healing.

1046
01:16:55.320 --> 01:16:56.960
It doesn't come from pretending.

1047
01:17:04.000 --> 01:17:09.280
I've shown up several times where I've just

1048
01:17:09.280 --> 01:17:10.960
pretended everything is fine.

1049
01:17:16.080 --> 01:17:18.160
It's not all the time.

1050
01:17:18.160 --> 01:17:21.560
It's just not real life.

1051
01:17:21.560 --> 01:17:22.760
It isn't.

1052
01:17:22.760 --> 01:17:31.760
But y'all, we get this blessing of a God who loves us,

1053
01:17:31.760 --> 01:17:35.960
who has these big, giant fields for us to harvest.

1054
01:17:39.240 --> 01:17:42.440
We get to choose to go into those fields

1055
01:17:42.440 --> 01:17:45.760
and reap all of this.

1056
01:17:45.760 --> 01:17:46.880
What do we want to choose?

1057
01:17:47.880 --> 01:17:50.920
I don't want to stay in that barren, cold winter season.

1058
01:17:53.880 --> 01:17:57.800
I want to go look for, where are things sprouting?

1059
01:17:57.800 --> 01:17:59.880
Where has God planted seeds?

1060
01:17:59.880 --> 01:18:02.440
And where is their growth?

1061
01:18:02.440 --> 01:18:03.880
I want to go after that.

1062
01:18:08.280 --> 01:18:14.880
So number four is shifting from this external validation

1063
01:18:15.440 --> 01:18:17.680
to internal stability.

1064
01:18:21.680 --> 01:18:25.520
Not needing validation on the outside externally

1065
01:18:25.520 --> 01:18:29.400
through relationships or validation from other people

1066
01:18:29.400 --> 01:18:32.240
or that our life needs to look a certain way in order

1067
01:18:32.240 --> 01:18:35.240
to get that validation.

1068
01:18:35.240 --> 01:18:39.680
It is having the stability inside

1069
01:18:40.400 --> 01:18:47.640
inside because God is in us, and he's our source.

1070
01:18:52.520 --> 01:18:55.680
And y'all, that's not always easy.

1071
01:18:55.680 --> 01:18:56.440
OK?

1072
01:18:56.440 --> 01:18:57.160
I get it.

1073
01:18:59.960 --> 01:19:04.080
So instead of doing this, do they like me?

1074
01:19:04.120 --> 01:19:11.480
Shift into the, do I feel aligned, safe, and respected

1075
01:19:11.480 --> 01:19:12.640
here?

1076
01:19:12.640 --> 01:19:14.800
When you're in those dating relationships,

1077
01:19:14.800 --> 01:19:15.960
ask yourself that.

1078
01:19:20.760 --> 01:19:25.560
And it doesn't mean you don't approach things with curiosity

1079
01:19:25.560 --> 01:19:28.080
and you don't try to learn and grow and say, OK,

1080
01:19:28.080 --> 01:19:30.000
I really am interested in this person.

1081
01:19:30.000 --> 01:19:31.880
This person has some yellow flags.

1082
01:19:31.880 --> 01:19:33.520
Let's see how they respond.

1083
01:19:33.520 --> 01:19:39.520
Are they willing to do and work and grow?

1084
01:19:39.520 --> 01:19:41.480
Are they willing?

1085
01:19:44.520 --> 01:19:46.720
Aligned, safe, and respected.

1086
01:19:55.120 --> 01:20:01.320
And then number five is let triggers guide your life.

1087
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:12.520
or growth. Not control behavior. Y'all, this is me preaching to myself. I like to control

1088
01:20:12.520 --> 01:20:17.080
things. I think I'm going to control my behavior, then I think I'm going to control everybody

1089
01:20:17.080 --> 01:20:24.180
else's behavior. Really, I need to be like, okay, what is triggering and how can I allow

1090
01:20:24.180 --> 01:20:33.740
this to grow me? So when these things show up, you're no longer pretending. Okay, I'm

1091
01:20:33.740 --> 01:20:39.100
going to sit here and like ask these questions and now I'm going to say, okay, how can I

1092
01:20:39.100 --> 01:20:49.780
grow? So triggers are not something to suppress and they're not something to be ashamed of.

1093
01:20:49.780 --> 01:21:05.860
They're invitations for healing. So what confidence actually is? A confident woman

1094
01:21:05.860 --> 01:21:16.140
still gets triggered, but she doesn't get controlled by those triggers. Y'all, women

1095
01:21:16.140 --> 01:21:23.740
are emotional beings. Okay. My husband always points this out to me. Women are just more

1096
01:21:23.740 --> 01:21:33.900
emotional than men. And if you're like me, who's very like overly, I have this, what

1097
01:21:33.900 --> 01:21:44.900
is Jackie called it several supernatural Saturdays ago, it was a HSP, hypersensitive person.

1098
01:21:44.900 --> 01:21:52.620
That is me. I am a deep, deep feeler. I am an empath. I feel very, very deeply. It is

1099
01:21:52.620 --> 01:22:03.460
a gift. That gift frequently gets overextended. My emotions can typically control my behaviors.

1100
01:22:03.460 --> 01:22:10.060
That's what I'm learning. Okay. And so what happens is a lot of time I get ashamed of

1101
01:22:10.060 --> 01:22:15.900
those. Okay. But we're not, we're not going to be sitting in that. Okay. We can be confident

1102
01:22:15.900 --> 01:22:27.940
that emotions are not bad thing. They're just invitations to grow. So I don't have to be

1103
01:22:27.940 --> 01:22:36.020
controlled by those emotions and by those triggers. Instead, we get to be curious instead

1104
01:22:36.020 --> 01:22:42.780
of reactive. So that's what you're going to practice this week. You're going to practice

1105
01:22:42.780 --> 01:22:47.380
getting curious instead of reactive. If you're in these dating situations, you get triggered

1106
01:22:47.380 --> 01:22:54.540
by something. I want you to get curious about it. You get to be, you get to reflect instead

1107
01:22:54.540 --> 01:23:01.440
of spiral. Y'all, I've been doing a lot of reflecting this week. I have been in my journal

1108
01:23:01.440 --> 01:23:13.680
and in my Bible probably like more time. I've actually been in probably in that more than

1109
01:23:13.680 --> 01:23:19.000
I've been actually sleeping to be perfectly honest. Like God is really doing a big thing

1110
01:23:19.000 --> 01:23:26.640
in me. All right. Now I wouldn't say like, that's gotta be you. All right. We're not

1111
01:23:26.640 --> 01:23:31.120
going to just like overdo it. All right. We're going to, we're going to baby step it.

1112
01:23:31.120 --> 01:23:41.160
We're going to pace ourselves here. Okay. So we're going to reflect instead of spiraling

1113
01:23:41.160 --> 01:24:00.280
and we get to choose truth instead of fear. Yes. Yes, there shall. Yes. I, yes. I want,

1114
01:24:00.280 --> 01:24:07.880
if you are someone who is an empath and really feels, and it's you like, I've had to learn

1115
01:24:07.880 --> 01:24:16.720
this too. And I like, clearly I have to really, really learn even more. You will pick up other

1116
01:24:16.720 --> 01:24:23.280
people's feelings. And sometimes it is hard to decide, is this, am I feeling someone else's

1117
01:24:23.280 --> 01:24:31.960
stuff or am I feeling my own? That is, that is very, very true. Sometimes I'm like, I

1118
01:24:31.960 --> 01:24:37.520
don't, I don't understand why I'm anxious. And I'm like, like my, I'm like, I'll call

1119
01:24:37.520 --> 01:24:40.400
my husband. I'm like, I'm feeling really anxious. And he's like, why? And I'm like,

1120
01:24:40.400 --> 01:24:47.920
I don't know. And a lot of times I think it's just because I'm feeling someone else's anxiousness.

1121
01:24:47.920 --> 01:24:54.920
And, you know, I have kids like, and I have kids that have, have been through some trauma

1122
01:24:54.920 --> 01:25:00.040
and some stuff, you know, you got three kids, like it could easily.

1123
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.980
be that I'm just sensing some of their stuff. So I'm having to like be mindful

1124
01:25:04.980 --> 01:25:11.560
of that. So we're gonna get curious, we're gonna be reflective, and we're

1125
01:25:11.560 --> 01:25:14.760
gonna choose truth over fear.

1126
01:25:15.240 --> 01:25:22.680
The biggest takeaway right now, your insecurity does not disqualify you from

1127
01:25:22.680 --> 01:25:27.920
love. Okay.

1128
01:25:28.920 --> 01:25:33.880
Insecurity does not disqualify you from love.

1129
01:25:36.080 --> 01:25:43.200
Y'all, I was in this program for two years before I met my husband.

1130
01:25:46.080 --> 01:25:52.080
It didn't disqualify me because God needed to do some extra work on me and

1131
01:25:52.080 --> 01:25:54.520
that's okay.

1132
01:25:58.560 --> 01:26:01.600
It's totally fine.

1133
01:26:02.120 --> 01:26:07.040
So if you've been here for a little while or you get discouraged because

1134
01:26:07.040 --> 01:26:15.240
you're seeing that, y'all, it just, don't even, don't even, don't even buy into

1135
01:26:15.240 --> 01:26:17.560
that lie.

1136
01:26:18.560 --> 01:26:25.440
You're not disqualified. You're not.

1137
01:26:26.040 --> 01:26:36.520
However, if you ignore doing the hard work, you will stay stuck in the same

1138
01:26:36.520 --> 01:26:42.400
patterns and you will be here longer than you want to be.

1139
01:26:42.400 --> 01:26:47.560
You will.

1140
01:26:50.360 --> 01:26:55.680
I was single for two years in this program. I have been here for five years,

1141
01:26:55.680 --> 01:26:58.680
okay.

1142
01:26:59.600 --> 01:27:03.480
Been married for two and a half.

1143
01:27:04.480 --> 01:27:09.760
And I can literally, from my own testimony, from going through this

1144
01:27:09.800 --> 01:27:17.720
process, myself in single, singleness and marriage, and also being on this side as

1145
01:27:17.720 --> 01:27:22.800
a coach and all the women that I have, I've been doing this for over two years

1146
01:27:22.800 --> 01:27:30.840
now, ladies. Several, I mean hundreds of the women that I have walked alongside.

1147
01:27:31.360 --> 01:27:38.680
The ones that ignore doing the hard work stay stuck in their patterns.

1148
01:27:38.720 --> 01:27:48.840
There are still women in the community that were in this program when I was

1149
01:27:48.840 --> 01:27:51.320
single.

1150
01:27:52.200 --> 01:27:59.280
I've been here for five years, okay. That's not a, that is not an insult to

1151
01:27:59.280 --> 01:28:04.200
them at all, okay. It's not.

1152
01:28:04.960 --> 01:28:15.480
But we have to adjust. The reality is, if we're not willing to supernaturally

1153
01:28:15.480 --> 01:28:18.240
surrender,

1154
01:28:22.440 --> 01:28:30.000
we might not, like, God's not just gonna give us a husband for us to not carry it

1155
01:28:30.000 --> 01:28:39.480
well, all right. He's not holding back on us. He won't hold back on on you, but we

1156
01:28:39.480 --> 01:28:46.840
can hold back on us. He's given us the invitations, y'all. Some of us are just

1157
01:28:46.840 --> 01:28:50.400
taking those invitations and throw them in the mail, or throw them in

1158
01:28:50.400 --> 01:28:54.440
the trash. Taking them from the mail and throwing them right into the trash. I'm

1159
01:28:54.480 --> 01:28:59.720
going to encourage you, those invitations, open them up.

1160
01:29:00.280 --> 01:29:06.880
You're in community here, and you've got several of us here to walk this journey

1161
01:29:06.880 --> 01:29:11.600
with you, okay.

1162
01:29:12.080 --> 01:29:19.560
Confidence is built when you face what's underneath, you heal what is unresolved,

1163
01:29:19.560 --> 01:29:24.640
and you stop outsourcing your worth.

1164
01:29:27.880 --> 01:29:34.280
It's the courage of doing the hard work.

1165
01:29:34.600 --> 01:29:43.720
It's built facing what's underneath, healing what's unresolved, and when you

1166
01:29:43.720 --> 01:29:47.280
stop outsourcing your worth.

1167
01:29:50.560 --> 01:29:56.800
I know I've got three ladies that have their hands up. I am at time. Can I ask

1168
01:29:56.800 --> 01:30:01.720
you ladies to type your things in the chat?

1169
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.000
So while I'm going through the activation, I want you ladies typing your questions.

1170
01:30:14.000 --> 01:30:22.000
So our activation is, I want you to type in your questions.

1171
01:30:22.000 --> 01:30:36.000
Our activation is, I want you to take time this week and invite Holy Spirit into these triggers and insecurities.

1172
01:30:36.000 --> 01:30:48.000
I imagine that if you've sat through this teaching already, there's probably been some things that God is already highlighting to you that are triggers of yours.

1173
01:30:48.000 --> 01:31:04.000
I would be surprised if there's not a single person that's here right now or that's watching this in replay where you can tell me that God has not highlighted something.

1174
01:31:04.000 --> 01:31:08.000
So I want you to sit with that.

1175
01:31:08.000 --> 01:31:18.000
You might have something right now at this very moment that God is highlighting to you and I want you to write that down.

1176
01:31:18.000 --> 01:31:26.000
What is Holy Spirit inviting you into to show what is a trigger and insecurity?

1177
01:31:26.000 --> 01:31:28.000
What is surfacing?

1178
01:31:28.000 --> 01:31:32.000
And here's questions I want you to ask.

1179
01:31:32.000 --> 01:31:40.000
What have my recent triggers been trying to show me?

1180
01:31:40.000 --> 01:31:52.000
What belief or fear is underneath this reaction?

1181
01:31:52.000 --> 01:31:56.000
If you have a trigger, you have a reaction.

1182
01:31:56.000 --> 01:32:00.000
And let's get honest with ourselves, ladies.

1183
01:32:00.000 --> 01:32:02.000
Let's share how we react and how we respond.

1184
01:32:02.000 --> 01:32:08.000
We're not hiding.

1185
01:32:08.000 --> 01:32:10.000
Listen, we all have stuff.

1186
01:32:10.000 --> 01:32:24.000
And I will tell you, when you open up yourself to vulnerability and you share the real, like the parts of us, like y'all, sometimes I'm like, I don't want to share that because it's really ugly.

1187
01:32:24.000 --> 01:32:28.000
People are going to think differently of me.

1188
01:32:28.000 --> 01:32:32.000
And usually, because y'all, I was in this community, all right?

1189
01:32:32.000 --> 01:32:36.000
I did this as a single, all right?

1190
01:32:36.000 --> 01:32:52.000
When I showed up and I admitted and I confessed to how I reacted and responded, those confessions actually allow us to be able to get healing.

1191
01:32:52.000 --> 01:32:56.000
It's when we confess.

1192
01:32:56.000 --> 01:33:00.000
And then those confessions lead to other people being able to heal, too.

1193
01:33:00.000 --> 01:33:04.000
And I don't get judged.

1194
01:33:04.000 --> 01:33:14.000
A lot of times, those times where I think I'm going to be judged, God uses those times to actually bless other people.

1195
01:33:14.000 --> 01:33:16.000
Like, what?

1196
01:33:16.000 --> 01:33:20.000
Like, you've got to be kidding me.

1197
01:33:20.000 --> 01:33:38.000
Your courage to just be honest and share that and to share how you react, that alone is going to help other people get breakthrough.

1198
01:33:38.000 --> 01:33:48.000
And it's going to, that confession then actually opens the door of like where you actually get to see, okay, well, this is what this is.

1199
01:33:48.000 --> 01:33:52.000
And now God can sit there and say, okay, now we're going to look at this.

1200
01:33:52.000 --> 01:33:56.000
We're going to look at it together.

1201
01:33:56.000 --> 01:34:08.000
And then you ask yourself, when did I first start believing this about myself?

1202
01:34:08.000 --> 01:34:16.000
So those are the things you're taking, their activation is invite Holy Spirit, those triggers and those insecurities.

1203
01:34:16.000 --> 01:34:18.000
You're asking him some questions.

1204
01:34:18.000 --> 01:34:21.000
And now that's the first part.

1205
01:34:21.000 --> 01:34:26.000
Now you're going to take those beliefs to the Lord.

1206
01:34:26.000 --> 01:34:34.000
You're going to repent from coming into agreement with the lie.

1207
01:34:34.000 --> 01:34:39.000
And you're going to break partnership with that belief.

1208
01:34:39.000 --> 01:34:44.000
That is important.

1209
01:34:44.000 --> 01:34:55.000
And this is the part I feel like those first two steps when a lot of people, a lot of people can struggle here and not do those things and they'll avoid that.

1210
01:34:55.000 --> 01:35:00.000
And then the people that do this part, they're good at these first two things.

1211
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:07.740
They're good at asking the questions. They're good at sharing. Okay, this is

1212
01:35:07.740 --> 01:35:13.620
lion-bleeding. Y'all, where I see a lot of people fall off is the next, these last

1213
01:35:13.620 --> 01:35:23.460
parts. A lot of people forget to ask God, what is your truth about me in this area?

1214
01:35:23.460 --> 01:35:29.300
That frequently gets ignored.

1215
01:35:30.500 --> 01:35:38.500
Really want you to circle that. You have to ask God, what is the truth about me in

1216
01:35:38.500 --> 01:35:48.700
this area? And you've got to be patient with hearing from him. And you've got to

1217
01:35:48.700 --> 01:35:58.300
give yourself grace. You will not always get this right away. And even when he

1218
01:35:58.300 --> 01:36:02.620
tells you, it doesn't mean that you're going to step into it. It takes practice.

1219
01:36:02.620 --> 01:36:10.060
It took us a long time to believe those things. And we've had many years of

1220
01:36:10.060 --> 01:36:17.380
believing the lie. It might take us a little time to be activating that truth

1221
01:36:17.380 --> 01:36:24.100
and be replacing that. We might have to repeat that over and over again. But if

1222
01:36:24.100 --> 01:36:31.020
we don't do this part of hearing from God of what the truth is, and being open

1223
01:36:31.020 --> 01:36:38.700
to constantly, hey God, I'm recognizing this. Help me here.

1224
01:36:39.500 --> 01:36:45.740
Because we have to ask, but then the also part of it, you got to replace it.

1225
01:36:45.740 --> 01:36:52.380
You got to replace the lie with the truth. Because I will even say, some

1226
01:36:52.380 --> 01:36:55.820
people will go and they'll sit there and be like, I know that this is what God

1227
01:36:55.820 --> 01:37:00.460
says about me, but some of y'all don't believe it.

1228
01:37:00.540 --> 01:37:04.300
You sit there and you read your Bible and know that God says that about you, but you

1229
01:37:04.300 --> 01:37:09.300
actually don't believe it in your heart. Because you don't act on it.

1230
01:37:09.300 --> 01:37:17.300
You don't step into that. We can, we know the lie, we see here, oh I know this

1231
01:37:17.300 --> 01:37:23.300
trigger, I know this about myself, I know this lie, and this is what God says. And

1232
01:37:23.300 --> 01:37:28.420
we can, we can tell the coaches, you can tell your therapist, you can tell all

1233
01:37:28.420 --> 01:37:33.540
these people, oh yep, this is, this is what God says about me. I mean be good at

1234
01:37:33.540 --> 01:37:44.420
that. But some of us, we don't replace it. We do the pretending. You have to replace

1235
01:37:44.420 --> 01:37:50.180
the lie with the truth. So one, you got to ask God for the truth, and then you got

1236
01:37:50.180 --> 01:37:53.540
to actually replace it, and then you got to believe it, and then you got to walk

1237
01:37:53.540 --> 01:37:58.980
it out. There's going to be action steps to that. You need to write it down, and

1238
01:37:59.220 --> 01:38:06.740
you need to add it to your Jesus Cares board. And then you put, you put steps on

1239
01:38:06.740 --> 01:38:12.820
those prayers. You walk it out. God will start revealing what are some things

1240
01:38:12.820 --> 01:38:19.380
that you need to do. Okay? You walk it out. And you will not do it perfectly, ladies.

1241
01:38:20.020 --> 01:38:28.180
You won't. The guys that you're dating will not do things perfectly. They won't.

1242
01:38:29.940 --> 01:38:32.340
My husband does not do things perfectly.

1243
01:38:37.300 --> 01:38:42.500
He might get mad at me for saying this, but he is a very stubborn man. He is very

1244
01:38:42.500 --> 01:38:48.900
hard-headed. And this is where we butt heads, because guess what? I am too.

1245
01:38:51.940 --> 01:38:53.940
And sometimes it becomes a competition.

1246
01:38:54.580 --> 01:38:56.100
Who's going to be more stubborn than the other?

1247
01:39:02.100 --> 01:39:09.140
I usually win. And I'm not, I'm not boasting about it, because it's probably not a good thing.

1248
01:39:10.020 --> 01:39:19.380
You are putting on your Jesus Cares board the belief. What it is that you, what's the lie you're

1249
01:39:19.380 --> 01:39:24.180
believing, and the truth that you're believing. Like, Lord, I'm giving this lie over to you,

1250
01:39:24.180 --> 01:39:32.500
and this is what I'm believing. And I'm asking you to show me what, what I'm believing.

1251
01:39:33.460 --> 01:39:40.660
So, let me just use the first random example that came to my mind, because this was on my

1252
01:39:40.660 --> 01:39:48.020
Jesus Cares board when I was, you know, going through as a single, is financial stuff. Like,

1253
01:39:49.060 --> 01:39:55.860
just being diligent on spending your money on things that you don't want to spend your money on.

1254
01:39:55.860 --> 01:40:00.020
Like, just being diligent on

1255
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.440
staying financially sound and getting things paid off

1256
01:40:03.440 --> 01:40:07.440
and saving up for things and being diligent with that.

1257
01:40:07.440 --> 01:40:12.160
So maybe getting out of debt is something that

1258
01:40:13.600 --> 01:40:15.680
is an insecurity, is a fear of yours.

1259
01:40:15.680 --> 01:40:19.200
And so you might have this belief that

1260
01:40:21.200 --> 01:40:25.880
actually one of our women in the community,

1261
01:40:25.880 --> 01:40:29.040
she just got engaged, okay?

1262
01:40:29.040 --> 01:40:32.000
She just got engaged, she was in the community,

1263
01:40:32.000 --> 01:40:32.920
she was in the program,

1264
01:40:32.920 --> 01:40:35.400
like she came in when I first came in too, okay?

1265
01:40:35.400 --> 01:40:38.200
So she's literally been in this program for five years

1266
01:40:38.200 --> 01:40:40.560
and she had this, like she was,

1267
01:40:40.560 --> 01:40:43.560
I mean, I remember coaching her like,

1268
01:40:44.800 --> 01:40:46.680
gosh, when I was even single,

1269
01:40:46.680 --> 01:40:49.920
because about finances, about being in debt,

1270
01:40:49.920 --> 01:40:51.640
like she wanted to be out of debt.

1271
01:40:52.720 --> 01:40:56.400
And, you know, there's this belief,

1272
01:40:56.400 --> 01:40:58.240
a lot of women have this belief that

1273
01:40:59.200 --> 01:41:03.280
they have to be out of debt in order to be qualified

1274
01:41:03.280 --> 01:41:06.000
for a guy to wanna date them.

1275
01:41:08.600 --> 01:41:10.840
And then even some women will be like,

1276
01:41:10.840 --> 01:41:15.720
a man can't be in debt in order for me to date them.

1277
01:41:17.440 --> 01:41:20.160
Okay, this belief system, okay?

1278
01:41:20.160 --> 01:41:22.280
And so she like, she just, y'all,

1279
01:41:22.280 --> 01:41:26.000
she literally, she just got engaged, okay?

1280
01:41:27.000 --> 01:41:28.600
And so you might put being,

1281
01:41:28.600 --> 01:41:32.080
like the debt is on your Jesus Cares board.

1282
01:41:33.080 --> 01:41:36.360
So you're putting that up there and you are,

1283
01:41:36.360 --> 01:41:37.920
like you're gonna sit there and be like,

1284
01:41:37.920 --> 01:41:41.040
okay, what is it about debt that I'm believing that's a lie?

1285
01:41:42.080 --> 01:41:44.840
What is, God actually says the truth?

1286
01:41:45.920 --> 01:41:46.880
And then,

1287
01:41:49.360 --> 01:41:51.480
Jesus cares about that.

1288
01:41:52.320 --> 01:41:53.960
He wants you out of debt.

1289
01:41:53.960 --> 01:41:56.360
He doesn't want you to be a slave to the lender.

1290
01:41:58.200 --> 01:41:59.040
But,

1291
01:42:01.040 --> 01:42:03.160
what, we just say, oh, I'm gonna put debt

1292
01:42:03.160 --> 01:42:05.520
on my Jesus Cares board and, you know,

1293
01:42:05.520 --> 01:42:09.440
miraculously, Jesus is gonna just wipe our debt out.

1294
01:42:11.080 --> 01:42:14.240
Y'all, I remember several years ago

1295
01:42:14.240 --> 01:42:16.520
when there was all that conversation about

1296
01:42:17.720 --> 01:42:20.280
student loans being wiped out.

1297
01:42:20.280 --> 01:42:21.840
Like, that was kind of one of those things

1298
01:42:21.840 --> 01:42:22.680
where everyone was just like,

1299
01:42:22.680 --> 01:42:25.360
oh, that's literally like what we kind of,

1300
01:42:25.360 --> 01:42:29.200
you know, we do pray like that Jesus would just come along

1301
01:42:29.200 --> 01:42:33.080
and poof, I forgive you of all your debt.

1302
01:42:34.120 --> 01:42:36.360
I'll be like, yeah, woohoo.

1303
01:42:36.360 --> 01:42:38.480
I mean, that would be lovely.

1304
01:42:39.840 --> 01:42:41.920
Unfortunately, that's just not really

1305
01:42:41.920 --> 01:42:43.560
always how things work.

1306
01:42:46.760 --> 01:42:49.440
So it would be putting that up there

1307
01:42:49.440 --> 01:42:53.400
and being like, Lord, I know that you care about this

1308
01:42:53.400 --> 01:42:56.160
and I trust that you are gonna direct me

1309
01:42:56.160 --> 01:43:01.040
and give me action steps that's gonna walk me to this.

1310
01:43:01.040 --> 01:43:02.000
And guess what?

1311
01:43:02.000 --> 01:43:04.960
I'm gonna listen and I'm gonna be obedient

1312
01:43:04.960 --> 01:43:08.520
and when I do that, he can then put his super to my natural.

1313
01:43:11.160 --> 01:43:15.240
But I'm not just ignoring my debt.

1314
01:43:15.240 --> 01:43:16.920
I'm putting it on my Jesus Cares board

1315
01:43:16.920 --> 01:43:18.520
so I can see it every day.

1316
01:43:20.000 --> 01:43:22.880
But I'm choosing not to believe the lie

1317
01:43:22.880 --> 01:43:24.920
of what it has to say about me.

1318
01:43:24.920 --> 01:43:27.000
Instead, I'm waking up every day and be like,

1319
01:43:27.000 --> 01:43:29.080
Jesus, I know you care about my debt

1320
01:43:30.160 --> 01:43:35.160
and I trust that today, if there's anything

1321
01:43:35.520 --> 01:43:38.880
that you have to show me that I need to do

1322
01:43:38.880 --> 01:43:41.080
that's gonna help me get out of debt,

1323
01:43:41.080 --> 01:43:44.120
you are going to show me and I'm going to listen.

1324
01:43:44.120 --> 01:43:45.840
You are gonna make it clear to me.

1325
01:43:46.200 --> 01:43:47.920
You are gonna step me into that

1326
01:43:47.920 --> 01:43:50.120
and I'm not gonna ignore it.

1327
01:43:50.120 --> 01:43:52.040
I'm not gonna bury my head in the sand.

1328
01:43:52.040 --> 01:43:53.360
I'm gonna step into it.

1329
01:43:55.160 --> 01:43:58.360
That's what putting it on the Jesus Cares board looks like.

1330
01:44:01.160 --> 01:44:02.000
Okay?

1331
01:44:05.600 --> 01:44:07.600
All right, I'm gonna quickly go through.

1332
01:44:07.600 --> 01:44:09.960
I hope you ladies put your questions.

1333
01:44:16.200 --> 01:44:21.200
Go through and make sure I catch all of these

1334
01:44:22.320 --> 01:44:24.640
because if I don't answer it on this call,

1335
01:44:24.640 --> 01:44:29.640
I will have it and I can always address it in the app

1336
01:44:36.400 --> 01:44:41.200
and I will work on providing an outline

1337
01:44:41.200 --> 01:44:42.840
from the teaching today.

1338
01:44:43.840 --> 01:44:48.840
It will probably be like sometime tomorrow or Thursday

1339
01:44:51.240 --> 01:44:53.920
because I don't wanna post it ahead of time

1340
01:44:55.680 --> 01:44:58.680
because there's some women who have not,

1341
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.560
are not on this call or haven't,

1342
01:45:02.560 --> 01:45:04.120
obviously they'll watch the replay

1343
01:45:04.120 --> 01:45:06.440
or they'll go to the call tonight.

1344
01:45:06.440 --> 01:45:09.240
And again, Ebony will have her own style

1345
01:45:09.240 --> 01:45:10.920
of how to teach this.

1346
01:45:10.920 --> 01:45:15.920
So, but we typically kind of pull from the same notes.

1347
01:45:16.480 --> 01:45:19.200
So, thank you, Michelle.

1348
01:45:21.920 --> 01:45:24.680
Confidence is built when,

1349
01:45:27.880 --> 01:45:29.480
good question.

1350
01:45:29.480 --> 01:45:31.360
I gotta go back in my notes, girl.

1351
01:45:31.360 --> 01:45:33.640
Oh, it's when you face what's underneath,

1352
01:45:33.640 --> 01:45:35.880
when you heal what's unresolved,

1353
01:45:35.880 --> 01:45:37.920
and when you stop outsourcing your worth.

1354
01:45:44.400 --> 01:45:45.640
All good questions.

1355
01:45:45.640 --> 01:45:50.640
Okay, now I know Patty, Michelle and Karen all had questions

1356
01:45:50.920 --> 01:45:52.960
so I'm gonna go quickly look for your questions

1357
01:45:52.960 --> 01:45:57.960
and see if I can't give you at least an answer

1358
01:45:58.080 --> 01:45:59.840
to what you're asking

1359
01:45:59.840 --> 01:46:02.360
without having to do a long teaching on it

1360
01:46:02.360 --> 01:46:05.080
because I know I can, again, I get long winded.

1361
01:46:07.320 --> 01:46:08.840
Okay, Michelle, I see yours.

1362
01:46:08.840 --> 01:46:10.600
I have been dating this guy

1363
01:46:10.600 --> 01:46:12.400
or getting to know him for about three weeks,

1364
01:46:12.400 --> 01:46:15.640
texting, phone calls, everyday video chats, and now email.

1365
01:46:15.640 --> 01:46:17.920
He wrote me an email, which I think is beautiful.

1366
01:46:17.920 --> 01:46:20.520
He lives about two hours away.

1367
01:46:20.520 --> 01:46:22.920
We have not yet had a date.

1368
01:46:24.360 --> 01:46:25.960
What is my next step?

1369
01:46:25.960 --> 01:46:29.480
Should I say something or do I let him plan the date?

1370
01:46:29.480 --> 01:46:32.560
Michelle, is this the same guy that you went on?

1371
01:46:32.560 --> 01:46:34.080
Okay, this is a different guy.

1372
01:46:35.120 --> 01:46:36.920
So this is not the guy that you went,

1373
01:46:36.920 --> 01:46:39.440
did you end up going on that date, by the way?

1374
01:46:39.440 --> 01:46:42.240
I went on the date, but the guy never showed up.

1375
01:46:43.680 --> 01:46:46.880
Well, God defended, God protected.

1376
01:46:46.880 --> 01:46:47.720
Yep.

1377
01:46:47.720 --> 01:46:50.920
Yep, and let's, again,

1378
01:46:50.920 --> 01:46:55.480
that's something that you can take this whole teaching,

1379
01:46:55.480 --> 01:46:57.760
if God is highlighting anything to you with that,

1380
01:46:57.760 --> 01:47:01.280
then you get to take what we talked about today

1381
01:47:01.280 --> 01:47:04.520
and apply it to that situation, okay?

1382
01:47:04.520 --> 01:47:07.760
We're not gonna allow getting ghosted ladies

1383
01:47:07.760 --> 01:47:10.920
to discourage us from thinking

1384
01:47:10.920 --> 01:47:12.280
that we're disqualified from love.

1385
01:47:12.280 --> 01:47:15.160
Nope, it's just gonna be a revealing for healing, okay?

1386
01:47:15.160 --> 01:47:16.480
So this is a new guy.

1387
01:47:17.840 --> 01:47:20.280
So he wrote you a beautiful email,

1388
01:47:20.280 --> 01:47:21.120
lives about two hours away.

1389
01:47:21.120 --> 01:47:23.120
You all have been texting for about three weeks,

1390
01:47:23.120 --> 01:47:26.800
and you've had phone calls every day,

1391
01:47:26.800 --> 01:47:30.880
so actual phone calls, and you've had video chats.

1392
01:47:30.880 --> 01:47:32.600
Yeah. Okay, perfect.

1393
01:47:32.600 --> 01:47:34.440
Has there been any conversation

1394
01:47:34.440 --> 01:47:38.360
about what getting in person would look like?

1395
01:47:40.000 --> 01:47:41.040
No.

1396
01:47:41.040 --> 01:47:44.760
Okay, so this is where you get to drop a hanky,

1397
01:47:45.880 --> 01:47:47.680
and I will suggest, yeah, you say,

1398
01:47:47.680 --> 01:47:51.800
hey, I'm really enjoying getting to know you.

1399
01:47:52.200 --> 01:47:54.400
I've enjoyed these last three weeks.

1400
01:47:55.600 --> 01:48:00.160
I am on, I'm guessing it was a dating app, right?

1401
01:48:00.160 --> 01:48:01.200
Yes.

1402
01:48:01.200 --> 01:48:06.080
Hey, I'm on this app because I want to date in real life.

1403
01:48:06.080 --> 01:48:10.400
I am looking for a relationship, okay?

1404
01:48:10.400 --> 01:48:12.480
I'm not in a hurry,

1405
01:48:12.480 --> 01:48:16.880
but I'm looking to actually date in real life,

1406
01:48:16.880 --> 01:48:20.360
so I'm enjoying getting to know you.

1407
01:48:22.360 --> 01:48:26.160
I would like to hear what your thoughts are

1408
01:48:26.160 --> 01:48:30.200
about us planning a time to get together in person.

1409
01:48:30.200 --> 01:48:31.760
What are your thoughts on that?

1410
01:48:33.320 --> 01:48:34.160
Okay.

1411
01:48:34.160 --> 01:48:37.080
You lay it out there, and you listen.

1412
01:48:37.080 --> 01:48:41.440
You are now, you're curious of how he's gonna respond,

1413
01:48:41.440 --> 01:48:45.600
and we're not gonna react, okay?

1414
01:48:45.600 --> 01:48:47.960
There might be some triggers in how he responds,

1415
01:48:47.960 --> 01:48:50.680
or might be paying attention to that stuff.

1416
01:48:51.680 --> 01:48:52.520
Okay?

1417
01:48:53.640 --> 01:48:57.080
And don't be afraid that you're gonna mess something up.

1418
01:48:57.080 --> 01:48:57.920
Okay?

1419
01:48:57.920 --> 01:48:59.240
It's all a learning experience.

1420
01:48:59.240 --> 01:49:02.480
You're not gonna mess anything up that God has for you,

1421
01:49:02.480 --> 01:49:05.560
as long as you are in alignment with him,

1422
01:49:05.560 --> 01:49:07.600
and that's your heart posture.

1423
01:49:07.600 --> 01:49:08.920
Okay?

1424
01:49:08.920 --> 01:49:13.280
So I've messed up several times with my husband

1425
01:49:13.280 --> 01:49:15.000
before we were even married.

1426
01:49:15.000 --> 01:49:17.320
Like, if you make a mistake,

1427
01:49:17.320 --> 01:49:19.640
and that person's supposed to be your husband,

1428
01:49:20.160 --> 01:49:23.960
God wants this, like, you'll work it out.

1429
01:49:23.960 --> 01:49:25.520
Like, there's grace.

1430
01:49:25.520 --> 01:49:27.520
There's so much grace on that.

1431
01:49:27.520 --> 01:49:29.600
So be open to that.

1432
01:49:29.600 --> 01:49:30.800
See what he says.

1433
01:49:30.800 --> 01:49:34.120
Let's see how he responds, how he reacts, okay?

1434
01:49:34.120 --> 01:49:35.560
And we're gonna just kind of,

1435
01:49:35.560 --> 01:49:38.040
we're gonna see and kind of gauge.

1436
01:49:38.040 --> 01:49:42.320
And his response is gonna communicate something to us.

1437
01:49:43.760 --> 01:49:47.840
And then you get to bring that back to us.

1438
01:49:47.840 --> 01:49:49.160
Okay?

1439
01:49:49.680 --> 01:49:52.160
I would rather you share it quickly in the app,

1440
01:49:52.160 --> 01:49:54.480
because I don't want you to wait another week.

1441
01:49:54.480 --> 01:49:55.440
Okay?

1442
01:49:55.440 --> 01:49:58.520
Ladies, I really don't want y'all waiting a full week

1443
01:49:59.680 --> 01:50:00.520
to get this.

1444
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:03.000
get back to us about those things, okay?

1445
01:50:04.040 --> 01:50:06.200
And I know like the glitches and stuff like that

1446
01:50:06.200 --> 01:50:09.720
have really caused some challenges,

1447
01:50:09.720 --> 01:50:11.760
but like I said, we're working on those.

1448
01:50:11.760 --> 01:50:15.120
So, but God's got us,

1449
01:50:15.120 --> 01:50:18.520
God's working everything out for his good, okay?

1450
01:50:18.520 --> 01:50:20.680
All right, so hopefully that answers your question.

1451
01:50:20.680 --> 01:50:23.120
Good, good, good question.

1452
01:50:23.120 --> 01:50:25.240
And I love that we could apply

1453
01:50:25.240 --> 01:50:27.140
all of our coaching stuff with it too.

1454
01:50:27.860 --> 01:50:32.860
Yes, Teresa, my plan is I'm gonna create something.

1455
01:50:33.940 --> 01:50:35.420
That is gonna be my goal.

1456
01:50:35.420 --> 01:50:38.340
I will probably get, my goal is tomorrow,

1457
01:50:39.300 --> 01:50:40.840
Thursday at the latest.

1458
01:50:42.300 --> 01:50:44.580
Okay, Karen, I see yours now.

1459
01:50:45.480 --> 01:50:48.300
What are signs a man may be a scammer

1460
01:50:48.300 --> 01:50:51.660
and what else can I do to check him?

1461
01:50:51.660 --> 01:50:53.540
Example, I messaged a man and told him

1462
01:50:53.540 --> 01:50:56.100
I needed him to selfie verify

1463
01:50:56.100 --> 01:50:57.380
before I communicate with him.

1464
01:50:57.380 --> 01:50:59.340
Did you post this in the app?

1465
01:50:59.340 --> 01:51:01.820
I think I briefly glanced at it.

1466
01:51:01.820 --> 01:51:04.020
Yeah, and I wrote that a little bit further down.

1467
01:51:04.020 --> 01:51:05.700
There are some things I identified,

1468
01:51:05.700 --> 01:51:08.620
Ebony responded to, and then I got some other ideas

1469
01:51:08.620 --> 01:51:10.660
and then I see some other ideas in the chat.

1470
01:51:10.660 --> 01:51:11.740
I just want to avoid it

1471
01:51:11.740 --> 01:51:14.420
because it was a yucky experience, so.

1472
01:51:14.420 --> 01:51:15.700
Gotcha, so yeah.

1473
01:51:19.380 --> 01:51:20.920
I mean, this is a really good question

1474
01:51:20.920 --> 01:51:23.660
because ladies, if you're online dating,

1475
01:51:23.700 --> 01:51:27.500
you are going to experience the possibility of scammers,

1476
01:51:27.500 --> 01:51:28.340
okay?

1477
01:51:29.940 --> 01:51:31.460
I want all of you ladies,

1478
01:51:31.460 --> 01:51:33.820
and this is not Karen specifically,

1479
01:51:33.820 --> 01:51:37.780
to be checking what surfaces inside you

1480
01:51:38.800 --> 01:51:41.700
with the idea that how are you reacting

1481
01:51:41.700 --> 01:51:43.480
or responding to scammers?

1482
01:51:43.480 --> 01:51:46.820
What's the belief, what's the concern, what's the fear?

1483
01:51:46.820 --> 01:51:50.300
Okay, I really want you ladies focusing on that, okay?

1484
01:51:51.220 --> 01:51:53.780
Because that will reveal a lot too, okay?

1485
01:51:55.180 --> 01:51:56.580
I did do that.

1486
01:51:56.580 --> 01:51:58.820
And a lot of you will have different responses to that.

1487
01:51:58.820 --> 01:52:02.300
So Karen, that might be something that you could look like.

1488
01:52:02.300 --> 01:52:04.740
I dealt with it pretty quickly and called a couple friends

1489
01:52:04.740 --> 01:52:06.220
and asked them to pray for me.

1490
01:52:06.220 --> 01:52:08.060
Yeah, there you go.

1491
01:52:08.060 --> 01:52:10.220
I had a great connection a couple hours later

1492
01:52:10.220 --> 01:52:11.820
with somebody I'm still communicating with.

1493
01:52:11.820 --> 01:52:13.300
He's really good.

1494
01:52:13.300 --> 01:52:14.140
So go ahead.

1495
01:52:14.140 --> 01:52:15.740
Yeah, I mean, and that's what I'm saying,

1496
01:52:15.740 --> 01:52:18.740
like you're coming in with curiosity,

1497
01:52:18.740 --> 01:52:20.860
and you'll be checking and saying like what,

1498
01:52:20.860 --> 01:52:23.980
so when you caught that,

1499
01:52:23.980 --> 01:52:25.740
when you saw that and you're like,

1500
01:52:25.740 --> 01:52:28.860
oh, this is what's coming up,

1501
01:52:28.860 --> 01:52:29.860
this is what's surfacing,

1502
01:52:29.860 --> 01:52:32.280
I'm gonna ask some people to pray for me.

1503
01:52:32.280 --> 01:52:34.860
What was revealed to you

1504
01:52:34.860 --> 01:52:37.460
and what did God speak to you

1505
01:52:37.460 --> 01:52:40.580
about what was underneath the surface of that?

1506
01:52:40.580 --> 01:52:41.740
Can you share that with us?

1507
01:52:41.740 --> 01:52:42.860
Oh yeah, oh yeah.

1508
01:52:42.860 --> 01:52:45.040
I've done a whole lot of healing for it,

1509
01:52:45.040 --> 01:52:47.940
but I felt just briefly like it's like, yeah,

1510
01:52:47.940 --> 01:52:50.420
because it reminded me of stuff from the past,

1511
01:52:50.420 --> 01:52:53.100
a man looking at me in a lustful, yucky way,

1512
01:52:53.100 --> 01:52:55.700
and I quickly got off

1513
01:52:55.700 --> 01:52:58.820
and I just did a quick like healing with that.

1514
01:52:58.820 --> 01:53:00.700
And I said, with the Lord,

1515
01:53:00.700 --> 01:53:02.060
I asked the Lord to come into it.

1516
01:53:02.060 --> 01:53:04.780
And I didn't feel like it affected me very long,

1517
01:53:04.780 --> 01:53:07.060
but I did feel like I wanted to share

1518
01:53:07.060 --> 01:53:10.540
with a couple of friends just to say,

1519
01:53:10.540 --> 01:53:12.420
and that was helpful.

1520
01:53:12.420 --> 01:53:13.260
Yeah.

1521
01:53:13.260 --> 01:53:15.000
So I feel okay about it.

1522
01:53:15.000 --> 01:53:17.780
I just don't wanna do it anymore than necessary.

1523
01:53:18.620 --> 01:53:20.420
Okay, so what is God showing you

1524
01:53:21.460 --> 01:53:25.420
to look for with these men?

1525
01:53:26.300 --> 01:53:28.100
Oh, so that they're not scammers.

1526
01:53:28.100 --> 01:53:30.020
Some of the things I wrote down

1527
01:53:30.020 --> 01:53:32.240
that I identified at some point was

1528
01:53:32.240 --> 01:53:34.580
like they were writing in the middle of the night.

1529
01:53:35.420 --> 01:53:36.260
Okay.

1530
01:53:36.260 --> 01:53:40.460
And then somebody I checked with on Saturday,

1531
01:53:40.460 --> 01:53:41.740
cause I was starting to clue into,

1532
01:53:41.740 --> 01:53:44.020
okay, these are maybe some signs.

1533
01:53:44.020 --> 01:53:45.380
He wrote in the middle of the night,

1534
01:53:45.380 --> 01:53:46.900
like three in the morning.

1535
01:53:46.940 --> 01:53:49.700
And then he said, hope your day is going well.

1536
01:53:49.700 --> 01:53:52.940
And I thought, what's going on here?

1537
01:53:52.940 --> 01:53:53.780
Yeah.

1538
01:53:53.780 --> 01:53:55.180
Yeah, so it sounds like it's from another part

1539
01:53:55.180 --> 01:53:56.780
of the world or something.

1540
01:53:56.780 --> 01:54:00.780
So I wrote some things down so I can be aware.

1541
01:54:00.780 --> 01:54:03.820
And this last thing that I did

1542
01:54:03.820 --> 01:54:05.980
with a second man that I realized

1543
01:54:05.980 --> 01:54:07.960
I think there's something going on

1544
01:54:07.960 --> 01:54:10.220
is I'm on plenty of fish

1545
01:54:10.220 --> 01:54:13.740
and people can selfie verify it's called.

1546
01:54:13.740 --> 01:54:17.180
So I told, I texted him and said,

1547
01:54:17.180 --> 01:54:19.100
before I talk with you again,

1548
01:54:19.100 --> 01:54:21.320
I need for you to selfie verify.

1549
01:54:22.420 --> 01:54:24.460
So that's a feature on plenty of fish.

1550
01:54:26.060 --> 01:54:26.940
That's amazing.

1551
01:54:26.940 --> 01:54:28.660
And is he, did he do it?

1552
01:54:28.660 --> 01:54:31.220
No, I am not messaging him.

1553
01:54:31.220 --> 01:54:32.060
There you go.

1554
01:54:32.060 --> 01:54:33.820
So I think that's another key.

1555
01:54:33.820 --> 01:54:36.180
I just want helpful keys.

1556
01:54:36.180 --> 01:54:38.100
So I don't have to deal with more than.

1557
01:54:38.100 --> 01:54:39.100
That's great.

1558
01:54:39.100 --> 01:54:42.180
Like see if the apps that you're on has a way

1559
01:54:42.180 --> 01:54:45.140
to help keep you secure in that way.

1560
01:54:46.060 --> 01:54:48.140
I love that you brought up the,

1561
01:54:48.140 --> 01:54:50.940
you had this, like, I don't,

1562
01:54:50.940 --> 01:54:53.800
I don't think it's any,

1563
01:54:55.820 --> 01:54:57.220
I don't think it's a coincidence

1564
01:54:57.220 --> 01:55:00.620
that you recognize that someone was messaging you.

1565
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:06.240
did you know at 3 a.m. in the morning yeah yeah that's me that is y'all that's when you are

1566
01:55:06.240 --> 01:55:11.760
sitting spending time with the lord the lord is going to literally speak to you she's not

1567
01:55:11.760 --> 01:55:16.480
getting freaked out about it okay she's not spiraling from this it is something that like

1568
01:55:16.480 --> 01:55:23.840
she's discerning she recognizes it and it's a well that's interesting she's getting curious about it

1569
01:55:23.840 --> 01:55:30.800
she's not reacting she's getting curious okay that's what we talked about earlier

1570
01:55:31.680 --> 01:55:41.280
it's allowing those things to give us curiosity and not reaction and so that's a god thing

1571
01:55:42.720 --> 01:55:48.000
god's allowing you to and he's we're going to reveal things to you and you'll have a check of

1572
01:55:48.960 --> 01:55:54.480
why is he messaging me at 3 a.m. so now this is when you get to be curious

1573
01:55:55.440 --> 01:56:02.960
and you get to go check yeah i i need to trust that gut sense and you get to you get you get

1574
01:56:02.960 --> 01:56:09.360
to ask some questions you get to ask some curious questions you're not going to interrogate but

1575
01:56:09.360 --> 01:56:14.320
you're going to ask some questions and you you don't have to get you don't have to be fearful

1576
01:56:14.560 --> 01:56:24.480
because you know that god put that prompting in you and you don't have to react because god is

1577
01:56:24.480 --> 01:56:33.040
going to give you a plan on how to get the information that you need yeah and there's

1578
01:56:33.040 --> 01:56:39.200
not going to be an unsettling in your spirit ladies you are not going to be unsettled there

1579
01:56:39.200 --> 01:56:48.480
is a peace that surpasses all understanding that comes with it so again like karen what did you

1580
01:56:49.040 --> 01:56:54.720
what did you do with that man um that messaged you at 3 a.m what did how did how did you get

1581
01:56:54.720 --> 01:57:01.360
curious with him the the second one there were two so the first one i actually went on a live

1582
01:57:01.360 --> 01:57:07.600
video chat i mean i i you know i asked for that and when it came on it was not the same person

1583
01:57:07.600 --> 01:57:13.520
as it was in the profile there you go so i quickly got off i blocked him and reported him

1584
01:57:13.520 --> 01:57:20.800
and then when i went on to check some other men i noticed ah this man also you know some similar

1585
01:57:20.800 --> 01:57:26.960
like the middle of the night and then i thought and then i didn't and then i texted you all i

1586
01:57:26.960 --> 01:57:33.200
messaged you and i decided i'm gonna wait and pray about this and when i slept i got the insight ah

1587
01:57:33.200 --> 01:57:38.240
ask him to selfie verify so i think the holy spirit was helping me yeah so i love it she's

1588
01:57:38.240 --> 01:57:46.640
like okay this guy's messaged me at 3 a.m well what if at a different hour that's not 3 a.m

1589
01:57:48.560 --> 01:57:50.480
i ask him to video chat me

1590
01:57:53.360 --> 01:57:54.720
if he starts avoiding that

1591
01:57:55.120 --> 01:58:02.960
that is how you go and check you actually ask questions she's not having to ask questions

1592
01:58:02.960 --> 01:58:12.160
hey um you're messaging me at 3 a.m um are you not in the like that like and accusing him okay

1593
01:58:12.160 --> 01:58:17.440
she's not going to sit here and open the door and invite him like hey you're messaging me at 3 a.m

1594
01:58:17.680 --> 01:58:24.960
you're messaging me at 3 a.m which means you probably are a scammer and you probably are

1595
01:58:24.960 --> 01:58:31.600
not in this country right now she's she's not gonna go because y'all con artist

1596
01:58:33.360 --> 01:58:44.480
will literally gaslight you to pieces they will know how to take that accusation and twist it

1597
01:58:44.480 --> 01:58:51.120
around and they will lie themselves out of it and if you're not careful there's many of a few

1598
01:58:51.120 --> 01:59:01.680
ladies that will believe it like that's i will sometimes get scammed if like i'll be honest like

1599
01:59:04.080 --> 01:59:09.760
we're not like i'm not sitting here saying like oh there's you know that's not an insult okay

1600
01:59:09.760 --> 01:59:14.800
that's just it's deception we all can be caught off guard

1601
01:59:18.080 --> 01:59:24.880
so she she's not gonna sit there and disclose that information she's just gonna say hey um

1602
01:59:26.320 --> 01:59:32.480
let's video chat actually it's before i do that i asked him to selfie verify because i don't want

1603
01:59:33.440 --> 01:59:40.160
chats i don't want any chats with yucky now not everybody so not everybody's gonna be on plenty

1604
01:59:40.160 --> 01:59:46.640
of fish that would have that opportunity right okay right so like i see certain apps will have

1605
01:59:46.640 --> 01:59:53.360
certain ways that you could do that but if anybody that's on here like that's why video chat i said

1606
01:59:53.360 --> 01:59:57.600
that first week first week you want the video chat because that will verify whether or not

1607
01:59:57.600 --> 01:59:59.040
someone's a scammer or not

1608
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:03.480
Really, I mean that is one of the big reasons why we tell you

1609
02:00:04.080 --> 02:00:07.180
In person date or video chat within the first week

1610
02:00:07.940 --> 02:00:13.340
The last thing you want to do is y'all if you're if you're spending more than one week having conversation

1611
02:00:13.380 --> 02:00:17.020
You can only have like surface level conversation

1612
02:00:18.420 --> 02:00:24.940
for about a week until it owned like eventually the door opens after a couple weeks where

1613
02:00:25.560 --> 02:00:27.920
You're probably gonna start getting into this

1614
02:00:28.360 --> 02:00:35.080
This territory where you might start asking some more in-depth personal questions and ladies if it is a scammer

1615
02:00:35.560 --> 02:00:42.760
They are scammers for a reason and they're con artists for a reason because they're trying to get some information from you

1616
02:00:43.160 --> 02:00:45.160
There's a reason for it

1617
02:00:45.700 --> 02:00:48.760
So they are gonna do what they can to keep you

1618
02:00:49.460 --> 02:00:53.940
Entangled in that cycle for as many weeks as possible

1619
02:00:55.180 --> 02:00:57.340
Because the longer they keep you in that

1620
02:00:57.900 --> 02:01:02.900
The easier it's going to be to get whatever it is that they're looking for and I don't know like I'll be honest

1621
02:01:02.900 --> 02:01:07.180
I don't know what kind of information all these scammers look for

1622
02:01:07.460 --> 02:01:12.820
I'm sure there's all sorts of different scammers getting all sorts of different information and do it for all different reasons

1623
02:01:12.820 --> 02:01:15.700
I I probably don't even have the long list of why?

1624
02:01:16.000 --> 02:01:18.000
They all do it

1625
02:01:18.000 --> 02:01:23.200
I haven't done that research yet. Maybe that's maybe that's something that I need to do to help the community. I don't know

1626
02:01:24.080 --> 02:01:28.320
But these are those are reasons. So that's that's one of the reasons why

1627
02:01:29.160 --> 02:01:32.200
So I love it. You come at it with curiosity

1628
02:01:32.760 --> 02:01:34.760
We're not coming at it with

1629
02:01:35.280 --> 02:01:40.440
accusations and interrogation and like again, and we're gonna check ourselves

1630
02:01:40.440 --> 02:01:44.520
Is this an insecurity? Is this a trigger? Is this what's the root of this?

1631
02:01:44.580 --> 02:01:46.580
And we're gonna approach it accordingly

1632
02:01:47.300 --> 02:01:48.820
Okay

1633
02:01:48.820 --> 02:01:54.860
I think it all apply to what we talked today. All right, Patty. I'm looking for your question girl

1634
02:01:57.060 --> 02:02:02.380
Mmm, there it is. It's right there. Okay, you signed up for a singles event from your church and you visited last fall

1635
02:02:02.380 --> 02:02:08.900
It's a movie and dinner and it's described as 30 plus the church website says the group is for people 30

1636
02:02:08.900 --> 02:02:17.840
If a man starts chatting with me at the event, how can I tactfully say I am in my early 50s or ask how old he is

1637
02:02:18.360 --> 02:02:22.760
So I can let him talk to other women if he's too young for me, okay

1638
02:02:24.160 --> 02:02:26.160
You haven't been on to the event yet

1639
02:02:27.880 --> 02:02:30.360
No, not yet, it's Saturday so

1640
02:02:30.880 --> 02:02:36.800
Are you is there a reason that you are afraid that you might be talking to someone?

1641
02:02:36.800 --> 02:02:38.800
That's 30 and that

1642
02:02:39.580 --> 02:02:41.580
They won't know that you're 50

1643
02:02:44.780 --> 02:02:46.780
Oh, you're you're muted

1644
02:02:47.460 --> 02:02:54.700
People have told me that I look younger than I actually am and the event says 30 plus so

1645
02:02:55.580 --> 02:02:59.340
It could be that there are a lot of 30 somethings. Okay, so

1646
02:03:00.180 --> 02:03:02.180
What what?

1647
02:03:03.420 --> 02:03:05.420
What

1648
02:03:05.720 --> 02:03:10.920
Would it be okay, hold on let me see if I can ask this question like make it the wording out. Um,

1649
02:03:16.000 --> 02:03:18.000
Would it be

1650
02:03:18.480 --> 02:03:20.480
terrible if

1651
02:03:20.680 --> 02:03:25.160
You sit and have conversation with someone who's 30 years old

1652
02:03:28.960 --> 02:03:33.120
At a first name I don't want to be a cougar I'm not I want an age-appropriate

1653
02:03:33.900 --> 02:03:35.900
No, I get it

1654
02:03:35.900 --> 02:03:37.100
Okay

1655
02:03:37.100 --> 02:03:43.380
So you get to have conversation with someone and they approach you and they're 30 years old. Mm-hmm

1656
02:03:44.660 --> 02:03:48.300
Yeah, I'd be horrified by that. Okay. Mm-hmm. Why?

1657
02:03:49.220 --> 02:03:52.220
Because I could be their mother and I don't want to be dating someone

1658
02:03:53.220 --> 02:03:54.940
what

1659
02:03:54.940 --> 02:03:56.940
What's the fear?

1660
02:03:57.760 --> 02:04:03.280
What's the root of that but but it's not age-appropriate what's the belief

1661
02:04:06.840 --> 02:04:14.360
That you should that the best ideally you want to date and marry someone who's within six seven years

1662
02:04:14.920 --> 02:04:20.240
Okay, that's so that might be one of your non-negotiables like your idea

1663
02:04:21.200 --> 02:04:24.400
Okay. Now this is ladies. This is where we really talk a lot about

1664
02:04:24.900 --> 02:04:28.740
It's not always it's not always about

1665
02:04:29.540 --> 02:04:31.900
Dating for age. It's about dating in the season

1666
02:04:32.460 --> 02:04:33.700
Okay

1667
02:04:33.700 --> 02:04:35.700
again, I

1668
02:04:36.300 --> 02:04:41.460
My my range was like five five years five years older five years younger

1669
02:04:41.700 --> 02:04:44.980
It didn't mean if someone was six or seven that I didn't like

1670
02:04:45.940 --> 02:04:50.540
Potentially entertain it because it was about the season that they were in. Okay

1671
02:04:51.420 --> 02:04:53.420
That was important to me

1672
02:04:53.420 --> 02:04:59.200
Now there was a guy that was much older. He looked a lot older

1673
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:05.040
And I was like, I don't want to date this guy because I could tell he was older.

1674
02:05:05.840 --> 02:05:10.400
Like I was in my late thirties and he was like 10 years older than me.

1675
02:05:10.960 --> 02:05:17.920
And I was just not interested. And I, I, I shared with him, Hey,

1676
02:05:19.360 --> 02:05:27.120
I asked him how old he was because I pretty much knew he was old and I didn't tastefully do it.

1677
02:05:27.120 --> 02:05:33.600
Okay. I, I kind of didn't do it well. Um, and the way I worded it and said it

1678
02:05:33.600 --> 02:05:39.840
definitely triggered him and he got very offensive, um, defensive.

1679
02:05:39.840 --> 02:05:46.800
And that to me was just an indicator. I'm like, yeah, don't want to date that guy.

1680
02:05:47.600 --> 02:05:53.840
And even if he was my age, I wouldn't want to date him.

1681
02:05:54.560 --> 02:06:01.360
Like maybe cause he then made it sound like I was incorrect and I did second guess myself.

1682
02:06:01.360 --> 02:06:04.080
I was like, Oh my gosh, what if I really did just insult this guy?

1683
02:06:05.360 --> 02:06:13.440
And I'm like, but even then I was like how he responded, even if he was my age, his response

1684
02:06:15.040 --> 02:06:20.960
was not attractive. So it didn't matter. And so I kind of like let that go. And I processed that.

1685
02:06:20.960 --> 02:06:28.240
And I was like, okay, that's whatever y'all. He still carried that. He carried that y'all.

1686
02:06:28.240 --> 02:06:31.440
This is actually when we first had men join our community.

1687
02:06:32.960 --> 02:06:35.440
He was one of the first men that Jackie kicked out of the community.

1688
02:06:38.960 --> 02:06:42.160
And when he got kicked out, it wasn't because of me.

1689
02:06:42.160 --> 02:06:47.520
It was because he was really insecure and he was like, there was a lot of unhealed stuff.

1690
02:06:48.400 --> 02:06:57.040
And you want to know what he tried to circle back and manipulate and try to get back to having

1691
02:06:57.040 --> 02:07:01.280
conversation with me after he got kicked out. And y'all, this happened like six to seven to

1692
02:07:01.280 --> 02:07:07.040
eight months before he got kicked out. And I was like, what is going on? Like,

1693
02:07:07.040 --> 02:07:12.240
why are you reaching out to me? Cause I'm past that. So like, I get all of that. It's,

1694
02:07:12.560 --> 02:07:17.360
all of that. It's so it's about seasons. It's not about age. It's about how we approach

1695
02:07:17.920 --> 02:07:22.480
those conversations. So I get the, if you're dating someone and you kind of,

1696
02:07:22.480 --> 02:07:27.600
you recognize that they're younger, you get to kind of just sit back. And like,

1697
02:07:27.600 --> 02:07:36.480
if you are gauging, you say, Hey, like can I ask you a question? Like, can I ask how old you are?

1698
02:07:37.440 --> 02:07:43.120
You can ask them how old they are. It doesn't have to be insulting.

1699
02:07:47.360 --> 02:07:50.960
You can ask them about the season of life they're in, because it's not, I guess it's not always

1700
02:07:50.960 --> 02:07:59.040
about the, the, the age. It's about the season of life that they're in. So with the age that you're

1701
02:07:59.040 --> 02:08:04.080
in and the age that you're looking to date, what does that season of life look like?

1702
02:08:05.040 --> 02:08:10.480
And what questions can you ask that would indicate that they're in that same season

1703
02:08:11.200 --> 02:08:18.080
without asking their age? So then you don't even have to ask the age. You can just ask

1704
02:08:18.080 --> 02:08:24.640
about their season of life. So, so for example, and I don't know if this is you Patty, but like,

1705
02:08:24.640 --> 02:08:29.600
I'm thinking, are you close to retirement? Or are you like, is that you, you've,

1706
02:08:29.680 --> 02:08:35.120
you don't want children. Like you kind of had, like you're kind of moved on from like,

1707
02:08:35.120 --> 02:08:39.600
when you're in your fifties, you're probably not looking to have your own children necessarily.

1708
02:08:39.600 --> 02:08:46.080
Right. That's true. Okay. So if the concern of dating someone that's in their thirties,

1709
02:08:47.760 --> 02:08:51.360
right. You're dating, you're talking to somebody that you're thinking, this guy is probably in his

1710
02:08:51.360 --> 02:08:58.480
thirties. He might think that I'm in my thirties. So you can then drop little hankies about

1711
02:09:00.240 --> 02:09:07.920
yeah, I'm just really enjoying the season of life that I'm in. I, I don't know,

1712
02:09:07.920 --> 02:09:14.880
Patty, do you have children? I don't. Okay. I would say for ladies that have, like, you could

1713
02:09:14.880 --> 02:09:19.040
talk about your grown children, how like, oh, I'm, I'm really looking forward to being a grandma

1714
02:09:19.040 --> 02:09:26.400
or whatever, or, you know, I'm an empty nester or however, but you could be like, you know what? I'm

1715
02:09:26.400 --> 02:09:34.000
really enjoying the season of life that I'm in. And, and just talk about that and talk about how

1716
02:09:34.000 --> 02:09:43.280
you have this freedom and how you're looking forward to building relationship and being able

1717
02:09:43.280 --> 02:09:53.520
to travel and, you know, get into a season of life where, you know, you'll be close to retirement and

1718
02:09:53.520 --> 02:09:59.840
you, you may not have to be tied down and you could just get up and go and do.

1719
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:04.000
do things that you're looking forward to

1720
02:10:04.000 --> 02:10:05.560
being at the age that you are.

1721
02:10:06.640 --> 02:10:08.880
Now, if someone's 30 years old

1722
02:10:10.080 --> 02:10:11.980
and they are not in that season of life

1723
02:10:11.980 --> 02:10:13.680
and they're wanting children.

1724
02:10:13.680 --> 02:10:14.780
Yeah.

1725
02:10:14.780 --> 02:10:16.080
They're going to probably.

1726
02:10:17.560 --> 02:10:20.000
See, I don't really travel.

1727
02:10:20.000 --> 02:10:20.840
Okay.

1728
02:10:20.840 --> 02:10:24.220
Because I don't have kids, but I have him.

1729
02:10:24.220 --> 02:10:25.060
There you go.

1730
02:10:26.000 --> 02:10:28.760
And so, that's my baby dog.

1731
02:10:28.760 --> 02:10:31.360
So, I'm not arguing with you.

1732
02:10:31.360 --> 02:10:32.600
I'm just saying that, you know,

1733
02:10:32.600 --> 02:10:34.880
for me to say something about traveling and.

1734
02:10:34.880 --> 02:10:35.720
Yeah.

1735
02:10:35.720 --> 02:10:37.440
So, that's where I want you to spend some time

1736
02:10:37.440 --> 02:10:38.260
and be like.

1737
02:10:38.260 --> 02:10:39.100
But I'll think about it.

1738
02:10:39.100 --> 02:10:39.920
I'll think about it.

1739
02:10:39.920 --> 02:10:40.760
Like this is where I think the Lord

1740
02:10:40.760 --> 02:10:42.740
is going to highlight to you

1741
02:10:42.740 --> 02:10:46.240
ways that you can engage in conversation

1742
02:10:46.240 --> 02:10:48.360
with someone that is going to,

1743
02:10:48.360 --> 02:10:51.440
it will naturally come up in conversation

1744
02:10:51.440 --> 02:10:54.040
so that there doesn't have to be this awkwardness.

1745
02:10:54.040 --> 02:10:54.880
Okay.

1746
02:10:54.880 --> 02:10:55.700
Okay.

1747
02:10:55.700 --> 02:10:56.540
Okay.

1748
02:10:56.540 --> 02:10:57.600
So, you don't have to be worried about it.

1749
02:10:57.600 --> 02:10:58.840
Because here's the thing.

1750
02:11:00.200 --> 02:11:01.340
Is it okay?

1751
02:11:01.340 --> 02:11:04.560
Are you okay if a man asks you how old you are?

1752
02:11:04.560 --> 02:11:05.720
Yeah, I'll tell him.

1753
02:11:05.720 --> 02:11:08.000
Because it's, I mean, if you were on the dating app,

1754
02:11:08.000 --> 02:11:08.840
you know.

1755
02:11:08.840 --> 02:11:09.660
Exactly.

1756
02:11:09.660 --> 02:11:12.240
So, my whole approach to this is

1757
02:11:13.160 --> 02:11:17.920
they are just as much responsible

1758
02:11:17.920 --> 02:11:20.220
to be asking you these questions

1759
02:11:20.220 --> 02:11:23.940
and figuring out if they're in that same season of life.

1760
02:11:24.180 --> 02:11:25.660
Mm-hmm.

1761
02:11:25.660 --> 02:11:28.740
Just as much as you are intentionally

1762
02:11:28.740 --> 02:11:32.260
wanting to make sure that you are in alignment.

1763
02:11:32.260 --> 02:11:35.940
And my questions to you

1764
02:11:35.940 --> 02:11:39.980
and kind of what I was engaging in at first is,

1765
02:11:41.100 --> 02:11:43.540
at this event, would it be terrible

1766
02:11:43.540 --> 02:11:46.120
for you to engage in conversation

1767
02:11:46.120 --> 02:11:48.580
with someone that's 30 years old

1768
02:11:48.580 --> 02:11:50.820
that may not know that you're 50 right away?

1769
02:11:51.180 --> 02:11:53.180
I mean, it's not terrible.

1770
02:11:53.180 --> 02:11:57.420
I would feel bad because I think that that's a no-go for me

1771
02:11:57.420 --> 02:12:00.740
and he could ask some other lady who is 32

1772
02:12:00.740 --> 02:12:01.580
and that would be good.

1773
02:12:01.580 --> 02:12:02.420
But here's the thing.

1774
02:12:02.420 --> 02:12:07.420
But you don't have to be in charge of that.

1775
02:12:09.260 --> 02:12:12.860
This is God writing your love story.

1776
02:12:12.860 --> 02:12:13.700
Mm-hmm.

1777
02:12:14.660 --> 02:12:15.500
Because guess what?

1778
02:12:15.500 --> 02:12:18.740
Maybe there's a conversation

1779
02:12:18.980 --> 02:12:22.980
or an opportunity in someone

1780
02:12:22.980 --> 02:12:26.780
that you're supposed to interact with

1781
02:12:26.780 --> 02:12:30.140
that God can use to highlight an area of growth

1782
02:12:30.140 --> 02:12:31.420
for you or for them.

1783
02:12:34.420 --> 02:12:35.260
Okay.

1784
02:12:36.180 --> 02:12:38.900
And so, ladies, y'all don't have to be afraid

1785
02:12:40.340 --> 02:12:42.500
of having a conversation with someone

1786
02:12:42.500 --> 02:12:44.020
that's not your person.

1787
02:12:44.140 --> 02:12:47.100
And I would encourage you

1788
02:12:48.740 --> 02:12:53.740
to spend a little time with the,

1789
02:12:54.620 --> 02:12:56.460
I would feel bad.

1790
02:12:58.140 --> 02:13:00.540
What's that belief rooted in?

1791
02:13:01.860 --> 02:13:04.460
Where does it become your responsibility

1792
02:13:04.460 --> 02:13:09.460
to carry someone else's feelings

1793
02:13:09.460 --> 02:13:14.460
or to carry someone else's feelings?

1794
02:13:24.220 --> 02:13:26.740
Like, he's a man.

1795
02:13:27.900 --> 02:13:30.180
He's having conversation with you.

1796
02:13:31.980 --> 02:13:35.140
His God is leading and directing him.

1797
02:13:35.140 --> 02:13:38.140
He is just as much responsible

1798
02:13:38.140 --> 02:13:40.900
for the conversation and getting to know you

1799
02:13:40.900 --> 02:13:42.340
as you are with him.

1800
02:13:44.060 --> 02:13:45.980
You're there for dating for discovery

1801
02:13:45.980 --> 02:13:47.580
and getting to know somebody

1802
02:13:48.820 --> 02:13:51.380
and enjoying the person for who they are,

1803
02:13:51.380 --> 02:13:53.940
not whether or not are they my husband or not.

1804
02:13:56.660 --> 02:13:58.180
Does that make sense, ladies?

1805
02:14:00.340 --> 02:14:03.740
These are things that can surface and really reveal.

1806
02:14:03.740 --> 02:14:05.580
So that's a really good question, Patty.

1807
02:14:05.580 --> 02:14:07.820
I'm really glad that you asked that.

1808
02:14:08.660 --> 02:14:09.500
Thank you, Carla.

1809
02:14:09.500 --> 02:14:12.620
These are ways that we really get to kind of see

1810
02:14:12.620 --> 02:14:17.420
how this whole, y'all do you see how these dating occurrences

1811
02:14:17.420 --> 02:14:20.660
and these questions that we have really do

1812
02:14:20.660 --> 02:14:25.220
kind of expose areas that we just have to

1813
02:14:25.220 --> 02:14:27.580
spend some reflection on, that's it.

1814
02:14:29.380 --> 02:14:30.980
And they might feel scary

1815
02:14:30.980 --> 02:14:32.300
and we might get in our heads about it,

1816
02:14:32.300 --> 02:14:33.940
but it really doesn't have to be.

1817
02:14:34.940 --> 02:14:38.260
Okay, ladies, I appreciate you all

1818
02:14:38.260 --> 02:14:42.940
letting me take this long time to go through this.

1819
02:14:42.940 --> 02:14:44.860
I really looked at this material and I thought,

1820
02:14:44.860 --> 02:14:47.220
oh, I'm gonna be able to fly by.

1821
02:14:48.980 --> 02:14:52.260
I was like, I got this, I got this this time.

1822
02:14:53.220 --> 02:14:54.060
Oh, I did it.

1823
02:14:55.060 --> 02:15:01.060
But I will say, I think this is one of the things

1824
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:07.020
my most favorite and I'm looking forward to this week and what y'all

1825
02:15:07.020 --> 02:15:12.480
activate and what y'all get from this and able to sit with the Lord. I'm gonna

1826
02:15:12.480 --> 02:15:19.360
quickly close us in prayer and then if y'all can get on tonight definitely jump

1827
02:15:19.360 --> 02:15:28.600
in on Ebony. She's much better at moving through the content faster than me so I

1828
02:15:28.600 --> 02:15:34.760
will probably be listening for hers because I will then be able to use it in

1829
02:15:34.760 --> 02:15:39.960
the future of how she can get through it and then we'll go from there but all

1830
02:15:39.960 --> 02:15:44.800
right so Holy Spirit Heavenly Father gosh thank you so much we invite you

1831
02:15:44.800 --> 02:15:52.680
into every trigger every insecurity and every hidden belief in our hearts Lord I

1832
02:15:52.680 --> 02:15:56.880
ask that you reveal these lies that we've been agreeing with and show us the

1833
02:15:56.880 --> 02:16:06.840
truth of who we are in you help us to release fear walk us in healing and grow

1834
02:16:06.840 --> 02:16:15.120
in truth true confidence that's rooted in your truth Lord teach us show us heal

1835
02:16:15.120 --> 02:16:22.520
us grow us amen all right ladies thank you so much

1836
02:16:22.520 --> 02:16:25.760
all right I'll see you soon

1837
02:16:26.880 --> 02:16:29.540
you