Can you all hear me?
Give me a thumbs up if you can.
Good.
Did you all hear the recording in progress sound?
Yes?
Good, good.
Well, it is so good to see all of you all tonight.
What were you saying, Lovetta?
Can you hear me?
Yeah, I can hear you now.
Okay.
I said I've been listening in the background, just haven't been on to talk.
Gotcha.
I need to talk tonight, though.
Oh, good.
I want you to talk tonight, then.
That'd be great.
Okay.
I'm looking for...
It seems like I'm frantic about my light, whatever they call the light, the light, the
light, the light.
But I will let it go.
I see some new people in the house.
Hey, Bunny, how are you?
I responded to one of your posts just a little while ago when you get a chance to...
Did you...
Yeah, it was about the single city?
Yes.
I haven't read it yet.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
It's going to be pretty simple, though.
You just go up to the resources tab, and you're going to see probably like the first or second
one you see is going to say single cities, and then it's going to say find your city.
Awesome.
Yeah.
And if you can't find your city, you may find one very close, and it's going to give you
a join code.
Make sure you write that join code down or copy it, because the link on the chart is
a hyperlink.
So once you click on it, it takes you there, but you have to give them that code.
Okay.
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah.
You're welcome.
And I also asked if anybody lived near me in this group, but I saw that you have to
click on it to see that part of my message.
Ah, where do you live?
In Hillsdale, Michigan, which is close to the Ohio line.
Okay.
Is anyone in the group right now?
Anybody here live in that area?
Those two?
Well, there'll be a lot more people joining.
Usually we have about 42-somewhere number of people, and so you can always ask again
or put it in the chat.
And it's always somebody near.
I know somebody lives in Michigan.
I don't know what part of Michigan they live in, but there are some people who live in
Michigan.
Oh, good.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yep.
All right.
Is this your first night?
No.
No, I was here one other time a while back.
Okay.
Well, good to see you again.
And then I was on with you a couple weeks ago when you were on in the afternoon.
Oh, okay.
Well, thank you for bringing it to my memory.
Kathleen, is this your first time?
Second.
All right.
And Rachel?
Second.
Sixth.
Not your first time?
That's my first time in phase two.
Oh, okay.
On a live call.
Yes.
Yeah.
All right.
Okay.
Steve, y'all talk to me a little bit more.
I can remember.
Edwidge Jean, is this your first time?
Yes.
This is my first time.
Oh, excellent.
How long you been in phase two?
today.
Today.
We are so happy to have you.
Welcome.
Thank you.
We're so excited to do this journey with you.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Let's see.
Tiffany, this is not...
No.
No, I've been on one.
One.
I don't know.
I've been on one other time.
It was when Kelly did the evening one.
A few weeks ago.
Kelly did an evening one.
Maybe it was another time.
You did the afternoon one.
Y'all had switch.
Oh, are you saying Carla?
Yes.
I'm sorry.
Carla.
Yeah, her.
There is a Kelly, but she's in phase three.
So I was like, Kelly?
Oh, that's interesting.
So I was like, oh, I don't know anything about that business.
That was your test.
You pass.
Good job.
Well, it's so good to see all of you ladies.
I'm going to go ahead and get us started, but I like to do a really warm welcome and
I like you guys to feel Demaryius.
Is this your first time?
Oh, is it Demar?
Chris, Isabella, so good to see you.
So let's get started, because we have a really great topic
of discussion.
Not topic, more safe, but yeah, it is.
So I welcome everybody.
I want to celebrate you ladies for always participating,
encouraging each other, and just supporting each other
on the page.
It's always so great when you chime in
and you give encouragement.
And so that's really good, and thank you for doing that.
And don't feel pressure to rescue
any of your fellow sisters or any of those things.
You can just give a heartfelt encouragement,
but you don't have to become a counselor.
You don't have to become a coach.
You don't have to be anything but be one with each other.
And so you're only going to get about six to 10 weeks
in this phase.
We want you to enjoy.
So and let's see.
I don't want to miss any.
All right, and don't forget that we do offer one-on-one coaching.
It is for a fee, but you can go to the resource link
and pick from a plethora of wonderful coaches.
They're all amazing.
All right, so tonight, OK, so because this
is your first time, I want to explain this.
Coaching is not just when you're dating.
This live coaching is not just for when you're dating.
You can talk about anything you absolutely want to.
Everything in your life begets the next thing.
Wherever you find that there are lack of boundaries in one area,
there's a lack of boundaries in another area.
Wherever you find defeat in one area,
you will find defeat somewhere else.
Nothing is isolated, or the root is laying somewhere else.
And so everything about your life is all intertwined.
And so that's something really important to note,
because this space is not just if you're dating.
Ideally, what we like you ladies to do
is watch one video a week and just post your aha moments.
You can come on the coaching session.
You can ask questions.
You can talk about your personal life.
We can help you work through anything
that you have in front of you.
And so that's what this is for.
And if you've not decided to date yet,
if you just got in phase two, you're
going to hear Jackie's kickoff message that's going
to challenge you to do seven dates.
Now, does that mean you can't stay in phase two
if you don't do your seven dates?
No.
Does that mean you have to have seven dates
before you go to phase three?
No.
But do we believe that dating is an excellent skill
to help you build and to help expand your capacity?
Yes.
We believe in phase two that dating
helps you discover yourself more than it helps
you discover someone else.
And so one of the things I like to tell you
how you can help yourself with, everybody I talk to
is my husband.
Just tell yourself they're not.
Because you've just come out of hard work.
And so every man you look at is not your husband.
Every picture you go back, it's not your husband.
It only takes one man to feel the shoes.
There can only be one man that feels the shoes.
When you stand at the altar, they're
not going to marry you to two men.
So every man you see is not your husband.
But there are lots of men you will
see that will come and help you discover yourself.
There are lots of men you see that when
you give an opportunity, they will help you develop grace.
They will help you to release entitlement.
They will help you to see the things and the insecurities
that lurk on the inside of you.
They will help you see that you, too, are afraid of rejection.
So we like to use dating in this phase for discovery purposes,
discovery of yourself.
We like to use dating to sharpen out
all of those insecurities, all of those fears.
We want them to come to the surface.
And nothing quite touches a person like dating.
OK?
So that's what phase two is all about.
It is the phase that blessed me probably the absolute most.
I was in this program probably about four years ago.
At that time, Jackie was my coach.
And so she rips the Band-Aid out.
And so she was right.
Everything she said was right.
I'll say it again.
Everything she said was right.
Including my, I don't believe God is calling me to that.
I just don't believe the Lord wants that for me.
I am telling you, over half of every woman
believes the same thing about God wanting something
for them in this program.
It is a record that is close to being broken.
God doesn't want me to date.
God doesn't want that for me.
He specifically told me.
That's just not what God wants for me.
what he wants. God told me he's giving me an Amazon man and I know it and I don't have to
work through anything. Everything's going to be perfect even though I don't know how to communicate.
It's all perfect because the Holy Spirit is going to be my mate and we won't have to worry about
communicating. We're going to pray. All right so everything that Jackie said was right and
this program has the proof is in the pudding and so I was being funny but we want to walk with you
on this journey. We want to see you grow. We want to help you grow in any way we can do that. Does
it have its ups and downs? Yes. Its turnarounds? Yes. But we want you to guard your heart with
our diligence. We want you to submit yourself to boundaries in order for your own self. Create a
checklist for you and not for the next person and if you submit yourself to your own boundaries,
the boundaries that we encourage in this program, you will find that you will grow by leaps and
bounds because the hardest thing for most people to submit to is their own boundaries.
The reason why half of the time our hearts get broken is because we don't have boundaries for
ourselves and we call them boundaries for other people but they're usually walls when it comes to
me and so those things are based on a lot of things so that just leads us into our teaching
since I've used up some of my time to do that. I'm gonna keep going. Tonight we're gonna be
talking about, just for about 15 minutes, we're gonna be talking about insecurity versus confidence
or taking you from insecurity to confidence and so I have a lot of get rich notes here
because I don't want to miss anything but oftentimes we believe that confidence, especially
in dating, kind of looks like you're unbothered, you never overthink and that you always feel secure
and that's just not true. It is completely normal for you to feel bothered. It is
completely normal for you to have insecurity. It is completely normal for you to overthink
but the thing, the trap is we believe when we do it is something wrong with us
instead of seeing it as a sign that's pointing to something else. Confident women don't lack
insecurity but when the insecurity arises they take their time and deal with it.
They don't let it define them. They say, what is this coming from? What is this about? So when we
have confidence it's not that everything is, we don't have insecurities, it's just that we
go on the hunt and we take it for what it is. It's a sign to ding ding, ding ding, ding ding.
I'm going to give you an example. Two women can have the exact same experience. They can talk to
a man and one day he texts him and he stopped texting for the next three days. One woman is
going to say, what did I do? She's going to go through every text message and she's going to
say it's her. The other woman is going to say, hmm, guess he didn't want to talk anymore.
One woman is going to say, I'm going to shoot him a text to see how he's doing today and see
if everything is okay. I haven't heard from him in three days. The next one's going to say,
I bet you I won't reach out to him and say something to him. Who do he think he is? I'm
not running behind him. He's supposed to be pursuing me. But that level of aggression
tells you something is happening on the inside, right? Because you got the same situation
for two different responses. Now, if you're hearing your head when I say that, okay,
well, what's the right way to respond? Well, what's the right way to respond?
All I'm saying is that both of these responses tell us something.
It doesn't matter how you respond. You respond the way you respond.
But when you respond, let it tell you something. Oftentimes, when we blame ourselves,
when we think we've lost out, that's rooted to a scarcity mindset.
We've come on this first journey and do you really believe that you can miss your spouse?
But there's something in us, which is a scarcity mindset that is not just in this area. It comes
over from another area, and it speaks to us about whole things in our life. It's not just a spouse
that you believe that you're going to miss out, that you're going to get the short end of the
stick. If you've lived a life, it usually comes from our past experience and experience we're
having now, something that we developed in childhood. But I used to live with the constant
belief that I was always going to get the short end of the stick, and that's just the way it's
going to be. And so I lived a very guarded and protected life. And I fought to make sure
that you did not get over on me, and I am not getting the short end of the stick this time.
So confidence is not the absence of
insecurity but when we have those insecurities we're going to what we're going to track them down
because insecurities point to a root cause and those root causes are going to serve you well
to do some research don't suppress them don't overlook them and don't say they're not there
and for for all let my cry be to you don't think it's something wrong with you because you can feel
don't blame yourself give yourself grace and discover what's happening
that's why we call this phase dating for discovery nothing gets close to you like a man
a lot of people can do a lot of things but when you start dating you have to be vulnerable in this
way that can be very very challenging and a lot of stuff just start popping up everywhere right so
i just said this and i just want to make sure i reiterate that triggers are not the problem
they are the signal i don't know how many women i have said i don't know why i did that i used to
say why did i do that why you know i'll just act like it didn't happen or just push it away
just don't do it we believe that our behavior needs to be corrected but your behavior doesn't
need to be corrected okay jackie teaches and you've done this in hard work that there's a
signal there then it's something beneath that there's some hard stuff going on and i know we
believe that when we come out of hard work that we shouldn't be getting triggered but listen when
you were in hard work you didn't have nobody to practice on now you got somebody to practice with
so it's not that you didn't do the hard work but it's easy to feel healed when ain't nobody there
nobody's rubbing up against that scalp nobody's making you mad of course that's why most times
when people just walk with them in jesus the world is perfect because jesus don't do nothing to you
he don't make you mad he might not do what you want and you find out he not your genie in a
bottle and he do what he wants and it's his plans and purposes if you make it that far or you give
up before you get there but other than that he's gentle he kind he walks with you he grow wherever
you are he comes and he helps you grow but when you're dealing with a person now that's a different
story okay so this is time to do a little rubbing up against to see what we get because whatever
bubbles up to the top is the thing that the father wants to use to help to expand you
and increase your capacity for your love story
listen marriage is an institution of two people that require a particular skill set
and if you've ever been married before you know what i'm talking about i've been married before
though i am divorced i understand that it requires a particular skill set
and when you are single you just cannot grasp it just like it won't come to your mind you just
can't get it and then when you get older you're like oh have you ever heard somebody say if you're
a parent before you became a parent they would say yeah just wait till you get your own so you
can tell everybody else about what they need to do with their children how they need to spank their
children how they need to put their children in place if it was my child i wouldn't do this and
they just say wait till you have your own just wait till you have your own because most mothers
learn their lesson when they got their own everything changed so that's the same thing
with marriage and that's why we want to help you guys expand and grow so you have capacity for your
god-given marriage your god-birth marriage the thing that you are believing the lord for so
we talked about that we talked about so what you want to do is when you're triggered or something
comes up i want you to go to your internal belief system what does that mean what do i believe about
me and on the on the surface you may think you believe wonderful things sometimes
but internal beliefs are usually hidden in the places of your heart that are still growing and
healing or some places that are unhealed that have yet to be tapped and now you're going to deal with
them so common root issues are fear of abandonment anybody here fear abandonment fear not being
chosen you think nobody will want me right feeling that you're not enough
You're just, you're not enough, you're not good enough,
you never have been, you never will be.
Or feeling that you're just doing too much.
When I grew up, I've always had a pretty big mouth.
I could speak on a microphone and never need a microphone.
You could hear me across the church.
So I remember when I was in youth choir,
one of my, our choir director, her name was Mavis Price.
And she used to tell me, Ebony, go to the back row
because your mouth is so loud.
You are drowning out the whole choir.
And my mama used to tell me, she'd say,
Ebony, please, you're just, you're talking too much, baby.
You, you had to be quiet sometimes.
My mama was very introverted.
My brothers were very introverted, but not me.
The Lord gave me a triple dose.
And so she would say, she said one time
she sent me outside and she came,
she said, go outside for a little while.
She said, I, she came out there and I was on my swing
and God, let me tell you what happened.
And God, this happened and God, that happened.
And she said, baby, even God get tired sometimes.
You got to be quiet.
But that put something on the inside of me.
Now, when I got to bed, I said, mama,
you shouldn't have told me God get tired.
But what happened was I developed a belief system
that I'm too much.
And so I spent a lot of my adult life apologizing.
Oh, I hope that wasn't too much.
Oh, and always monitoring myself,
always replaying my conversations,
always believing that I wasn't going to be accepted
because I am too much.
And so a lot of these things that we experience,
even now when I come around new people,
I am monitoring myself sometimes
to see if I'm being too overwhelming from them.
And that comes from their root,
but I'm aware enough at this point to know what I'm doing.
And so sometimes you think that things have to disappear.
Things don't have to disappear.
You just need a level of awareness.
So instead of bending into it, you can bend the other way.
You can remind yourself of the truth.
Some things will never leave your system,
but that doesn't mean you have to behave that way.
Doesn't mean you have to operate in them,
especially if you are believing in Jesus Christ.
But he's giving you a new way and you can do it.
If you realize you deal with avoiding a love attachment,
you deal with an anxious attachment.
Some of us may be secure attachers,
but whatever attachment you are,
there's not a secure attachment.
I heard Jackie in one of her teachings,
she said one time, that may not never change about you,
but you don't have to be that.
And when she told me that, I grabbed a hold to it
because I used to attach very anxiously.
And one day I was going down the road and the Lord told me,
he said, why do you keep giving someone spoiled, sour goods,
giving them the thing you got from your family?
Why are you continuing to pour out this love
that is no good when I'm giving you a perfect love
to give to people?
You don't have to give them this.
You have a choice.
And so with Jackie teachings and that teaching,
when the Lord started teaching me this,
I was like, God, you're right.
I used to just say over and over, I'm anxious attachment.
I'm anxious attachment.
I'm of this, I'm of that, I'm of this.
He said, stop speaking that over you.
So this is not to say that,
oh, you shouldn't speak some type of way
you've learned that you attach.
But now, hear me what I'm saying.
I'm well into understanding the way I attach.
This is not the first two months, six months, eight months,
I'm discovering things and learning skills and tools.
This is two years out.
I'm still identifying with the same brokenness.
Why?
I have a choice at this point.
So anyway, I put those two together.
And so when I would try to,
when I would sense myself leaning one way,
I'll lean the other way.
And now I can't tell you when the last time
I've been down the road of anxious attachment.
That street don't know my address.
We ain't even friends no more.
And it happened over time.
Not me beating myself up for the way my family
taught me love.
I didn't teach myself that.
But I sure can help myself not pass on toxicity
to somebody else when I know what's happening.
Right?
So, all right.
I hope that was good.
Dating reveals.
That's why we like to use dating as a tool.
Okay?
Dating reveals.
It is dating for discovery for a reason,
not dating to find your husband.
And if you believe that he's going to come
in an Amazon package,
then even more reason for you to feel free to date
because he's coming around the mountain when he comes.
All right?
So, how.
Insecurity shows up and feeds into your triggers.
Insecurity will feed the trigger.
So hear that, your insecurity will feed your trigger.
How?
So let's say you're overanalyzing everything.
You overanalyze everything that's feeding your trigger.
Because of the insecurity,
you start overanalyzing everything.
So why hasn't he texted me back yet?
Or why did they say that?
What did they mean by that?
I mean, did they mean this or did they mean that?
You let it go, ask somebody else,
what you think they meant by that?
Why do you think they did that?
And I often tell people,
and the one thing I have to tell myself
to keep my mind out of that loop,
is how can I answer what somebody else did and why?
As if I live inside of their head.
But I know us women are masters,
at least the women that I know,
of trying to figure out why somebody else
did what they did.
And we'll be convinced of our answer when we get done.
Have you ever said, I know why they did it.
I know why they did this.
I know, I know, I know, I know.
You don't always know.
Sometimes some things are like A, B, C, right?
But you don't know the motives of people.
Think about the things that your behavior
sometimes that you operate in.
Is it really your heart?
Or is it your triggers?
Is it your insecurity?
Is it your fear?
Is it your hopelessness speaking for you?
Maybe if I caught you on another day
when you felt more secure,
you would have said something different.
Our behaviors don't always speak well for us.
Our behaviors have a lot of motivations behind them.
And oftentimes we are trying to guard ourselves with walls
and we're trying to protect ourselves.
And it's not the truth of who we are,
but we're afraid to be vulnerable.
And we're afraid to be vulnerable
because we think somebody's gonna hurt us
or take advantage of us or do something to us.
But the truth be told, nobody can do anything to you.
And you are in complete control.
And that is the truth.
People only do what you allow them to do.
And that's why in this phase,
we'd like you to submit yourself to boundaries
because these boundaries help you to guard your heart
with all diligence.
So when you start talking to somebody
and it feels so good and it's been two days
and y'all are lying on everything,
and he loved Jesus so much after two days,
you discovered this
because you didn't follow the boundary
that said we don't talk about personal things this early.
You decided I gotta figure out
because I'm not wasting my time.
And so I need to know,
do you love Jesus exclusively or not?
And when you tell me you do, I believe you
because I don't have to wait to see your fruit
because you said it.
And I know you love Jesus.
And because you love Jesus, we're perfect for each other.
And what happens on day three,
you begin to plan your future with this Jesus lover
that you do not know.
And then by the end of the week,
they stop texting you and your world falls apart
because you've asked them things
that you shouldn't ask them because you don't know them.
And so some of the boundaries,
if you hadn't gotten to the video yet,
we said, we don't talk about spiritual things
when you're first getting to know a person.
You're not gonna read the Bible with them.
You're not gonna pray with them.
If you wanna know somebody's a believer,
there's nothing wrong with it.
But you say something like,
you know, my faith is really important to you.
How do you feel about your faith?
You don't wanna know how they wanna treat their wife
in the future.
You don't wanna know how long they've been believing God
for a while.
You don't wanna know what their divorce was about.
You don't wanna know why they got a divorce.
When you start asking those types of questions,
hear me, you're trying to protect yourself.
You will bypass the process of getting to know them
and you're going to judge them.
I tell people, me and all the time,
don't tell me your personal business
because I will judge you.
That you better know.
I don't know, you can't tell me no stuff early on.
Like, let me get to know you.
Don't come dumping your trash on my doorstep.
Don't do it because I know me
and I've been with me long enough.
There are things on the inside of me
that's gonna wanna protect me.
So I submit to boundaries
and I require those around me to submit to boundaries.
That's a natural thing for you to wanna protect yourself.
You go on a date with a man
and he tells you he's been divorced for 15 years.
I don't care if he tell you 25.
And let's say he said, well, we're.
I got a divorce because I had a cheating problem.
Yup, I cheated on her with 15 women.
Now,
mm-hmm, I already see y'all face.
He out the door.
I don't care how much he's speaking tongue,
praise, prophesy, preach, and teach, it's over with.
I don't care.
You cheated with 15 women?
You just didn't cheat no one time.
You are a serial cheater
and what's to stop it from showing up now?
Did you know Jesus then?
Mm-hmm, yup, that's the same.
But there's something in you,
I suppose I put by Felicia,
there's something in you rightfully so is gonna say,
okay, maybe I need to reconsider this
and then you're gonna get real spiritual.
The Lord didn't promise me nothing like this.
No, this is not heaven's best for me.
Mm!
So, I use an extreme situation
but what I'm saying to you is
you guard your heart without diligence
by taking your time and pacing.
This is not your husband
and you are not on an information marathon.
You are dating for discovery
and you could tell yourself 100 times
and I'm telling you this,
that you don't have time,
that you're not gonna waste your time.
I'm telling you,
time is never wasted when you invest in yourself.
You believe you're investing in that man,
you're not investing in that man,
you're investing in yourself.
You're showing up with somebody
and you are learning how to show grace.
You're learning how to get rid of entitlement
about what somebody owes you
and what they should give you.
You're learning how to see a person for who they are
because you yourself want people to see you
for who you are.
You yourself want to be accepted for flaws and all.
You yourself believe that that is the idea of love,
that someone can receive you as you are,
not receive you as a broken person.
That's not what I'm saying.
Please don't hear what I'm not saying.
But you yourself wanna sit down at the table
when somebody looks at you,
they see the gold in you.
And so when we go out with our little list
and we ready to strike and do all that,
that's funny, Abby,
you don't wanna do that.
You wanna sit at the table
and you wanna get to know a person for who they are.
And you can do it when there's no pressure on you
saying, is he the one?
Because if you keep thinking he's the one,
you're gonna measure him like a husband
and not like a person you're sitting on a date with.
It's really hard not to do it
because you're gonna protect yourself.
And if he's the one, I need to see
because I already know what I want.
And if this ain't it,
I'm not wasting my time.
You are investing in you
because the one is gonna come along.
And if you haven't learned how to pace,
you will have yourself in a world of trouble
because even if he's the one
that heaven says will be great for you,
if you don't pace and you don't get to know each other,
you're just gonna be a person with a ring on your finger
that don't even know the man you're laying beside.
And you're gonna expect him to be a husband
when you should have learned him as a friend
because friends tell each other everything,
but husband and wife play a role.
And so you need to understand
that pacing gives you an opportunity
to develop a friendship with the person,
to get to know them with a little pizzazz on it
because they are kind of like, you know,
wanting to talk to you romantically.
So you wanna get both,
but you don't wanna bypass a process
that's gonna cost you on the other side of I do.
You gonna have to go through
whether you go on this side or this side,
but it's much harder when the pressure is on you
for what you're supposed to be.
Before you say I do,
you don't have no supposed to be's.
It get like, this who I am, take it or leave it.
Man, this how I roll.
Like you get to do that.
Because we get to do that,
you wanna give space to the man to do that.
You don't want somebody showing them
like they're trying to perform for you.
The only way a person feels pressure
from another person to perform
is because you're saying there's someone else to you.
They're not a friend, right?
You're saying, are you a potential spouse?
So it's more, it seems to be more on the line.
All right, I'm gonna wrap us up in two minutes.
I didn't get to everything,
but also, so we talked about
how insecurity shows up in fees
and your trigger over analyzing everything.
Why hasn't he texted me back yet?
Did I say anything wrong?
So what's the trigger in it?
The trigger is uncertainty.
That's your trigger.
You're uncertain right now.
And then what was the root of it?
A lack of internal security.
Internally, you didn't feel secure.
Sometimes we believe
that it's the other person's responsibility
to make us feel safe and secure.
So we say stuff like this, I feel so safe with them.
They really make me feel like I can do this.
And then when.
all goes downhill. You blame them for making you feel something that they couldn't hold up to.
You bring safety to the table with you. You don't need anybody to make you feel safe.
You came here safe. You're going to leave here safe.
Okay. It is nice to fellowship with someone that there is safety there, but you carry safety.
So when they leave your presence, let them say, man, I felt really safe there.
But putting your responsibility off from someone else to make you feel secure,
by did they text back in a timely fashion and now you feel insecure because they did not text you
back or they didn't do something that made you feel secure and now your nervous system is all
over the place because it's been six hours and they usually text back, but they ain't did it
now. Now what can happen? And in your mind is really going, but you don't know what's
playing in the background is I really liked them. I thought they liked me too.
I gave some more myself and now they acting up. How can I take me back? I can't take me back.
I was talking about him for a whole week on the phone with my friends. I thought he was the one.
Do y'all hear that? All of that's happening in the background. I am telling you when your nervous
system gets out of whack, you have more riding on this thing that should be riding on. It's too
much on the horse's back. We got to unpack that thing and we have to go in processes and pacing
and one of the best things you can say to yourself is this is not my husband.
This ain't no stuff like I don't want to speak what the Lord ain't saying. I am telling you if
you get on these dating apps and you evaluate every man as your husband, you're going to find
that you're going to come up really short with the people you get to know. Getting to know people
help you get to know yourself. Some of us seek constant reassurance, so we need validation.
We want clarity too early. That's the thing. Early on you need clarity because I'm not about
to waste my time. We see that that is attached to something else. That's attached to something
else is I'm not going to waste my time. That's a protection mechanism because how are you wasting
your time? We want clarity too early and we're feeling anxious without affirmation.
We don't get affirmation, we feel very anxious. The trigger of this, usually you're triggered
when there's silence or a lot of space. The person goes a little silent, they put a little space in
between you, you get a little nervous. It's not just you. This is totally in my boathouse.
These things are very much real for me. They very much will come up. The root of this is
fear of not being enough. Remember you didn't put that root in you. You don't have to be ashamed of
the things that come up. You just got to know how to deal with them and identify them and replace
them with truth. This is what you learned in phase one. You remember revealing for healing cycle?
Well, it doesn't stop. I'm going to wrap us up with this. The next one is comparing
yourself to others. If you find out about their ex,
you will compare yourself to her. I'm going to tell you this is something about me being
a pleasantly plump and fine woman. If they had an ex, I can't wonder, I wonder if she big,
I wonder if she skinny. My mind would just go, I wonder if she this, I wonder if she that,
I wonder if she this, I wonder if she that. I wonder if I'm better. It would just go in this
loop of comparison about this woman. His ex, other women, or social media,
all of these things cause us to compare ourselves to others. The trigger is perceived competition.
The root is identity insecurity. The next one is just run these out, overgiving or over-functioning.
How many over-giving, over-functioning women do we have here? You believe that you're doing too
much to, so what happens is some of the triggers of that, some of the signs that you'll see is
you're doing too much too soon. You're trying to win him over. Those who really work to win a person
over are usually little girls whose father did not see him, hear them, or know them. And she is
constantly trying to win her daddy. I would try to win every man, not just a man I like, it could
have been a pastor, could have been a leader. I wanted to win them. And when I saw that little
girl fighting to win every man in her life, I knew that there is
a problem. And that is really rooted a lot of times in that little girl who wasn't seen, heard,
or known by her father. Statistics studies say when a child or girl, especially a girl,
is not seen, heard, or known by her father, she doesn't believe she has a voice in the world.
She doesn't believe anybody wants to hear her. If you were not seen, heard, or known by your
father and this resonates with you, then you can count it true for yourself too. You just don't
believe anybody wants to hear what you have to say, that you're just not that important.
So the trigger is fear of losing that person. And then the root is you believe you must earn
love. I believe I must earn love. I have believed it for so long and every time it comes up,
I remind myself the truth. You don't have to earn love. It's been given to you freely by your father.
And so, you know, just because we remind ourselves things over and over and over,
it doesn't, it doesn't speak anything about your value or worth. It says that you are aware of
yourself and you refuse to give the enemy a foothold in your life. He will not step all over
you. You are not his welcome mat, his walking mat, or some tool in his hand. That's what it says
about me, that I'm unwilling to be a punching bag for the enemy. And so I will not suppress,
I will not oppress, that I will look this thing in his face and I will speak the truth over who I am
and I will stand on it because I'm not moving and I'm not backing down because I refuse to believe
the lies of the enemy. Because whatever you believe about yourself is the reflection of
yourself that you'll go get in a minute, in a freeing. You're not gonna, you, you, you,
you know, it says that water rises to its own level. If you have scales on your eyes, how will
you see? Okay. What is unknown to you about yourself is unknown. We want to help you know
yourself. All right. So I'm going to stop us right there. Um, these triggers are here. These
things are here to help us grow. There are flags and there are signs for us to grow. I'm going to
post the activation ladies and in the activation, you're going to ask the Holy Spirit and you'll
see this posted. What have my recent triggers been trying to show me? I want you to start
evaluating your triggers. What are they trying to show you? We got to stop ignoring them.
All right. What belief or fear is underneath this reaction? That's the second question.
Once you identify the trigger, what belief or fears underneath it? What's driving it?
Okay. And then when did I first start believing this lie about myself? That's the rule. And you
go through the revealing for healing cycle. Now you're going to bring that belief to the Lord.
And it's going to look like this. I repent for partnering with the lie that I am not good enough.
And you can go in details. I know that I feel this way because of this incident, but I break
all agreement with this lie. And if I got actually forgive me forever partnering with this lie,
right? So you break partnership with their belief. And then you say, God, what is your truth about me?
And you're going to write down that truth. And the same way you rehearse that lie about yourself,
you're going to rehearse that truth about you. I don't care if you have to rehearse it for a year.
If you've been believing, you're not good enough. Since you were eight,
it's going to take some time for that to get down in there. But this is the thing about the heart.
It is an instrument of belief. Whatever you put in it, it will produce.
The Bible says, so a man thinking in his heart. So is he there the travel time from here to the
heart. But when it gets down in there, it is going to produce a harvest for you.
When it gets down in there, it is going to produce a harvest for you that you will eat
from and everybody around you will get to taste and see that God is good.
Okay. So that's going to be your, um, your activation. And
this is one of Jackie's, this, her prayer that changed my life. And I still say it over myself.
And so I just want to release it over you guys as we transition into questions,
but it says, Holy spirit, we invite you into every trigger, every insecurity in every hidden
belief in our hearts, reveal the last we've been agreeing with and show us the truth of who we are
in you help us to release fear, walking, healing, and growing true confidence rooted in your truth.
Teach us, show us, heal us and grow us in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
All right. Now I'm going to tell you the truth. I don't know who's hands up first.
But if this is how it goes, was it Kelly or Lovetta first?
Lovetta was first, and then it was Kelly,
and then was it you, Wanda, and then Joanne,
and then Nadine.
Now, that ain't right.
You're speaking now for everyone to hold you peace.
No, I'll fix it if it's wrong.
Okay, let's go, Lovetta.
Hey, and start off with the question first,
so as you're talking, I can be processing your question.
So that makes me have to think first.
Okay, well, you may not know the question then.
You may not know it, go ahead.
Right, I guess I'm just questioning
if I'm processing this right, and I'm not about to chase.
I mean, a while back, I had posted,
and Carla and I had talked about a fella,
and she was seeing some red flags.
Like, we had our first date, and then all of a sudden,
it was like I was setting some boundaries, femininely,
and he kind of came back with a little bit of gaslight,
like not taking responsibility for him being agitated
about something that I had said.
And so we seemed to work that through,
because I asked the question out of curiosity,
like just curious, I'm like, why you were agitated?
And he did explain that, you know,
he thought it was a lack of miscommunication,
and so we squared things away,
and we've been on a couple of dates since then.
And so this Saturday, we went on a date,
and he drives about an hour and a half.
It's a Saturday, he's Seventh-day Adventist,
and, you know, I'm just getting to know the person, right?
So they don't go into establishments
or spend money in businesses on Saturdays,
and so I kind of felt obligated,
like, well, I don't know what to do,
so let's go out to the state parks.
So hop in my vehicle, let's go.
And we had a nice conversation.
We kind of talked about the difference
in religions and stuff,
and I asked him about,
like, how they felt about the Holy Spirit
and things of that sort,
and his comment was, is they believe in the Holy Spirit,
and I said, well, what about speaking in tongues?
And he said, oh, well, people who speak in tongues,
they've been filled with the devil.
And I said, oh, I said, well, that's kind of hurtful.
He said, you know, that one's a little hard for me
because I have a personal experience with the Holy Spirit,
and to me, that's, I can't see a day not speaking in tongues.
I said, how would you respond to being with a woman,
like, later down the road,
who has got her praise music on and praying in tongues?
Well, he goes, oh, well, that would be fine.
And he's like, well, we don't have to have everything
figured out.
When the day was over, he asked for a hug.
I get out of the car, and I've given him a hug before.
I noticed on the date, he, you know,
tended to want to get a little touchy,
said he really enjoyed my time
and wanted to spend more time with me,
and I agreed with him.
I said, I enjoy spending time with you, too.
I said, I just take things very slow,
and I enjoy getting to know people.
So at the end of the date,
he gives me a hug and gives me a kiss.
And, like, I didn't even know it was coming,
so I was a little thrown off guard.
And I wanted to have a conversation with him about that,
feeling like, look, you know,
you didn't even ask my permission.
And I made a comment, like, I pulled back,
and I'm like, well, people are watching,
and he's like, oh, I don't care.
And obviously I did, because I wouldn't have said anything.
So then, to be honest, my feelings aren't super hurt.
Just, like, yesterday he was messaging
that he wanted to schedule another date
and then asked if it was, like,
able to get together at each other's homes.
And I just said, I feel it's too soon
to be gathering at people's homes.
And all of a sudden it's like, oh, you know,
he doesn't want to do, he's gonna get busy.
The summer's coming, he's gonna get super busy.
He doesn't have time to travel.
So it's just a little off-putting.
And like I said, I'm not taking it super hard,
because I wasn't viewing him as my husband.
I was trying to get him to know us as a person.
But the excuse is, like, what do you do?
Like, he says he doesn't want to do it.
He wants to get to know me better, but summer is coming,
and it's almost like again,
like he's wanting me to go into the chase mode.
And that happened before.
And when I didn't chase, he came back around,
and it's like, it gets exhausting.
I'm feeling like, I used to think it was sweet
that people wanted to move so fast,
but I think this is part of my healing journey,
going like, hey, let's just slow down
and take some time to get to know each other.
Like, no pressure, you're busy.
I'm busy.
You know, I mean, eventually after three, four months,
you would assume that we would have a plan in place,
but three dates within a month and a couple of phone calls,
and it's like the nonstop back and forth texting every day
about like nothing.
And I don't like to discuss,
I'm placing a boundary that I don't like
to be too personal via text.
If you've got a serious question to ask me,
then we can schedule time for a phone call.
I like the texting to be light,
and then it leaves a little bit less possibility
for the miscommunication in texting.
Am I processing this properly?
Yeah, you're processing this properly.
So what you wanna do is have a conversation with him
about kissing you.
And so that conversation sounds like,
hey, we're both aware of the fact
that you kissed me last time we were together.
You didn't ask for my permission.
And I don't like that, and don't ever do it again.
Well, he's already kind of bowed out.
He's getting too busy,
and he just doesn't have time to travel to come see me.
But this is a good conversation for you to have.
Good that he's bowed out.
There's no pressure.
But I think that it would do a lot for you
when a man comes and put his hands
or his lips on your body,
that you voice that I did not like it,
and don't do it again.
You're going to feel it.
And when you do it,
you're gonna sense something happening in you.
You're bringing back the power to yourself
because he won't be the first, the last man
that does something like that.
And so the next time one comes in towards you
to kiss you, you're gonna put your hand up
and hit him in his nose,
and I bet you won't come back to your face again.
I'm tired.
What are you doing?
Right?
Your body is not one to be had.
It's someone's own disposal,
and they just think they want to bend in and kiss you.
Ain't nothing sweet about that.
It's not sweet about that.
It's nothing sweet about that.
And I used to think it was sweet.
And then like today I was,
or like that day,
like I get in the vehicle and I'm like, how dare he?
He had no right to take that from me.
I was not willing to offer that yet.
That's right.
I'm willing to offer you two, three, four hours
once a week or every other weekend,
and maybe some time on the phone
to get to know each other.
And it's like,
these men like want it now,
and they want you chasing,
which I can see that insecurity popping in.
And he's not feeling like he's being validated enough,
but am I supposed to validate him by like chasing him down
and give him all the kisses he wants?
And it's like, then I'm not,
I don't feel good about that.
Right.
So let me help you.
These men don't want that.
The men that you've talked to
have seemed to desire that from you,
which you did not give that to them.
And this is a place of strengthening for you
because there's something you would have done in the past.
And so I want you to put this in perspective
that the Lord has been gracious in this way,
that he's sharpening that part of you
so that it will never be again.
And so sometimes when we see a repeat,
we have to see that repeat as a practice.
And so that's why it's so important
that you follow up with your,
I don't care if he doesn't see you again,
like, hey, you kissed me, you crossed the line,
don't ever do that again.
Don't put in, it'd be different if I, if nothing,
you did this, I did not like it, it was wrong,
it violated me, don't ever do it again.
So I did make a comment this morning.
I said something to the fact when he all of a sudden says,
he all of a sudden said like, oh, he's like,
it's too much, almost too much work to come see me
because it's such a drive and he only gets a few hours.
And I just said, my comment was,
could have went without stealing
that kiss the other day then.
Mm-hmm.
I want you to not make comments.
I want to address it head on.
Okay.
Okay, and so that comment sounded like,
well, because you're now saying that you weren't,
you're not gonna wanna come in.
anymore, you shouldn't have kissed me.
That's what that sounds like.
All right.
Because now you've kissed me,
but you're not willing to make good
on any more part of our processes.
Because when he kissed you this time,
when he came back and wanted to come to your house,
trust me, he wasn't coming to your house
to eat popcorn and watch a movie.
Exactly.
Well, that's what I was thinking too.
Yeah.
And so I would go ahead and I saw,
I know your past experiences have told you
that men desire you to chase them.
If there's a man that wants a woman to chase them,
he's not really very masculine at all
because that's not the nature
of the masculine order of a man.
However, he said, he's gonna be so busy.
He's gonna be all these things you completely understand.
You've had practice with him.
You're gonna make sure you go back
and reinstate that boundary by kissing you
whether you don't talk to him for the next three months.
And my encouragement will be to you,
don't reach out again.
If he wants to talk to you, he can reach out to you,
but you're not doing a house thing.
So if this is gold, let it die out.
Yeah.
I'm excited for you to set a boundary about your body.
It's gonna do wonders for you.
I will go back in and just say,
sounds like you've got a lot of events planned.
I do wanna address the issue that
I don't appreciate or,
how do you even word that?
I don't, I didn't like the fact
that you came in for a kiss the other day
without the mutual, like.
No, without asking me.
Without asking me.
There's power in without asking me.
He has to answer to you.
That says you answer to me.
Not with a mutual agreement.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You act about my body,
about this over here,
there has to be a question asked that I respond to.
Not because my body look like I want it.
That's how so many women have been raped
because they say they look like they wanted it.
Right?
Men, men, anybody has to answer to someone
for touching their body.
You just don't get to do that.
Okay?
So we're rebuilding the walls
and every breach that's been in your life,
we just declared that it will not go with you any further.
The Lord is expanding your territory.
And I believe that the boundary lines
are falling for you in pleasant places.
I believe God restores and redeems
and he makes whole and he reveals
so that he can redeem and restore.
So my encouragement would be to you
to take every opportunity you can
to allow the Lord to repair breaches in your life.
Because when he's done with you,
you're going to be whole, complete,
and lacking no good thing.
And so do it, do with everything in you.
You may think that marriage is a far off,
but I ain't telling you,
you have a short window of time to deal with things
that are going to hinder the moving forward
of your marriage in a kingdom-like way.
Because everything that's in you
is going to come all up, bubbling up then.
That's why we're dealing with it now.
Okay?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Hi, Kelly.
Hi.
So anyhow, I haven't spoken with my parents
for about three years,
and my dad has reached out a couple of times
and I pray for them daily,
but growing up was very, very abusive
and they just crossed,
my dad crossed a line that he tried
to get my daughter and I fighting.
And that was just a line that was,
I did not want to,
it was just a line that I wouldn't go back on.
I wouldn't go back on.
And so the last couple weeks,
he's reached out twice
and said some really, really hurtful things.
And then the one,
the person that I had dated,
the first person that I had dated after Ryan passed away
has been reaching out also.
And he had all that time to decide
that he had wanted,
if he wanted to date
and he just had basically just had to.
had very disrespectfully had done some really hurtful things and it's like, you know, you
do the hard work and you think that things are going, you know, in the right direction
and then these things hit and you just don't know, like, like, are you supposed to it's
like, I keep on telling myself that, you know, forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation. Like
you don't have to reconcile just because you did your forgiveness prayer sheets.
Yeah. Right. Right. So, so tell me why you continue to talk with him.
I like I just delete every time you like I've really wanted, you know, I've contemplated
blocking again. Yeah. I just haven't gotten to that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's
not why it literally you could do while you're on the phone with us. If you want to block
you need some encouragement. It's very quickly. So I think the question, the issue is not
the person. The question I want Kelly to ask herself is why am I continuing to talk to
this person? And they answer it. Honestly, I don't know why. I know this has been kind
of longstanding that you have going on, but you just enjoy someone talking to you. You,
I don't know what it is. I can't even believe I can't even think it's almost a punishment
to myself. Yeah. So why do you believe you should be punished? I don't know. Ask yourself.
Why do I believe I should be punished? Punishment is for people who do bad things. What did
you do bad Kelly? You don't know. But what, what about is Kelly so bad? What about you
is so bad? So, oh, you got something to say? That's all I was told the whole time I was
growing up is how horrible I was. Yeah. Which, which says that you don't, which if you're
horrible, that means that you don't deserve the very best. And that you should get something
that is of equal to your horribleness or to your badness, if there's a word. And so that means this
person is allowed to be a part of your life. They treated you bad the way you feel like you deserve
to be treated because there's no way you can believe you deserve something else. And you'll
keep them around to keep punishing you. And so today I will be a voice of truth for you.
There's nothing bad about you, not inherently bad about you. When heaven designed you and created
you, you were created good. If you believe in Jesus Christ and the blood of Christ is enough
for you, the Bible says that we are overcome by the blood of the lamb and by the word of our
testimonies. And we did not love our lives to death. And so that means that your righteousness
is as a filthy rank in his sight. It says, but he who knew no sin became seen that we may be
the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. Now, these are just scriptures until you,
until you lay hold to them, because if you don't claim them and lay hold to them and believe them
as true, you don't believe the blood is sufficient and that the blood of Jesus is not sufficient.
There is no sufficient sufficiency for you in the earth because your righteousness is
as a field direct. You're going to always make mistakes. You're going to always fall short.
There's no way around it. This is just the way that goes because we're human.
You understand what I'm saying? And so today I speak words of truth and I speak words of
light to you. Though you've been told your whole life that you're horrible and that you're bad.
And maybe you've done some things that testify of it. It is not the truth about who you are.
Those are facts, but it's not true. And so I.
Encourage you to accept the truth that you are wonderful that you are accepted and that you are loved and that you're worthy of love
And that's the truth
You don't have to work for that. That's why I can say it was such confidence
So when you hear that thing, he said well, she don't even know me. That's the thing about how God designed it
I don't have to know you. I'm looking at you. You got breath in your body
Because of that you're worthy of love
The Bible says for God so loved the world that he gave all that he had we're the world we're the people
and
So everything about you says that you're worthy
Everything about you says that you're good because the image of you points to the father
and
so I hope that you will receive those words of truth as your own and
I pray that you will begin to kick out every lie in your life
Whether it's in a person or whether it lives on the inside of you
Thank you, you're welcome Kelly
Wanda I know you had put your hand out and then you put it back up, but you still were after Kelly
Yes, that's fine. I'm here. I just had a bad connection
So I had to come out and I came back in so I'll try to make this as quickly as possible
Recently I set up a profile for dating on Facebook and with
Relatively quickly. I had two men interested a match
and of those two men
one I had started to
quickly move from the texting to
To a video call
to
Two more calls and then we got together
And I guess you could say it was a date
Physically this Sunday. We went to a skincare event and then we went
You know to get a bite to eat afterwards. He's a good guy
Christian we have a lot in common
and
We can talk very easily about stuff. So it's been a week that we've been talking. He initiates everything
Which I like he always tells me. Hey, can you talk during this time? Yeah, you know, so always initiating
respectful
You know opens doors gets my you know
My chair, you know ready and puts my straw in my in my drink
So I think they're really, you know, very
gentlemen, like but we have recently started talking about some deeper things about you know, like my
Divorce, you know, I was married for over 30 years
And I yeah, and I told them that I believe in marriage. It's God's idea and I would never have
Even divorced him except for he ended up leaving and and was with another woman and he wouldn't repent
And he wouldn't come back home to work on our marriage
so after about a year that I had just felt like the Lord said it's time to end it and then
Fast forward it was four and a half years later
You know, I just did some hard work here
Of course some hard work some other places and I felt like the Lord wanted me to go back into the dating
You know, you know pool so, you know, we talked about you know his you know marriage
He was only married seven years and he's a few years older than I am
So I had just come up with the question about well
Have you ever been in a serious relationship?
After that where it was gonna lead to marriage and he said yeah as a matter of fact two years ago
I was with a woman for five years and
It was serious and we ended up living together. So
After that, I felt like just saying, you know, I hope you're not, you know thinking that I'm gonna judge you at all
but I just want you to know that I
believe that sex is in the context of marriage and
for me, I'm only going to
allow that within marriage and
And basically I just want you to know that now, you know
And that was it and he had to go because I guess he was gonna join
some kind of zoom meeting or something or whatever, but I did see him blush a lot after we were having that conversation
so I
The way I hope everybody can help me process
This is like we have been speaking a lot during the last seven days
We have spent five hours
Physically together. I don't think that you know that I went into it too quickly about that
And I do, he does know, I said, if you're going to know something about me is I'm a God-fearing woman.
I said, I believe the Bible. I just don't. I mean, I believe in reading it, but I also
believe in being obedient to the Bible. You know, everybody's a Christian, I said,
until you have to get biblical about it. And I said, so, you know, basically I said,
that was it. You know, I don't know if he's going to call me anymore or anything, but
I'm okay if he does, and I'm okay if he doesn't. I just had to say it because this is me. Is he
going to love all of me or he just not, but I'm not going to give him false pretense that
if we continue to talk and everything that he's going to think that I'm a person who would be okay
with having sex outside of marriage. So that's where I want to share that with the community.
Well, thank you for sharing, Wanda. You know, one thing about when we get to share with somebody
who we are, if a man sticks around and if he is not a man that is moved by conviction to
operate in righteousness, then the proof then becomes in the pudding. And so you will find
out along the way, if he says, oh, that's great, but you seem like a pretty straight up woman,
you're going to be able to tell when he is testing the waters to see if you hold your word.
And so it's really good that people receive us as we are, but it's also good, especially
being righteous and moving in the conviction of your faith, that a person also holds those truths
at the core of who they are. And that's kind of like when we get into spirit DNA, but you guys
are not even level two yet. But, and so, yeah, I think because you had the conversation,
I mean, you was my five year, clearly they had to be living together. And so you knows a little
ding, ding went off on the inside of you when he said like, oh no, don't even think it's this
type of party and you can get kicked rocks right now if you think I'm doing that.
Yeah, I think that's what it was. I just wanted to be very clear that, but I also said to him,
just so you know, I'm not, I'm not blaming anybody, the man, the woman, it takes two to agree
to do this, you know, had the woman been a righteous woman and would have been biblical,
she would have been like, no, I, I'm not going to live with you. I'm not going to engage in
sex with you. So I said, a lot of time, we women have to rise up to the standards and be like,
because men are more physical, they fall into that sin. I think more, you know, it's, it's,
it's there, it's a higher temptation for a man than a woman. So if a woman is not going to set
the standards, the man will go as far as you let him. I don't think, I don't think righteous men
do that, but I do believe men are more visible. They are, their brains are wired different from
ours and they are visual creatures, creatures. They are visual individuals. That is true,
Wanda. But I've seen righteous men date, I'm talking about men who are committed to heaven.
I've watched the man, I was in his wedding and he refused his words, I would not abuse a daughter
of God. I will steward her well into the day we say I do. He was in this program. His name was Ralph
and his wife's love story is, and that was an absolutely no-go for Ralph. Ralph was a righteous
man, not because she wanted, not because to respect her, but for who he was and what he had
in Christ. So I believe that there are righteous men who hold fast to their convictions. I talked
to another sister the other day, we were working on some church planning in Costa Rica. And she
said that when she met her husband, he told her, would you be okay if we didn't kiss until we got
married? He said, because I don't want to take any chances. And she said, before she met him,
she had never been in a relationship where she didn't have sex, even though she was a believer.
And she told him, yes, that she would be so happy to do that. God restored her identity,
restored her value and her worth through that relationship. So I do believe that righteousness
works, whether it be in a man or a woman, but I'm not discounting what you're saying,
but I don't believe that it's any one person's responsibility to hold up the weight for somebody
else because the weight is heavy, no matter who's carrying it, right? The same decisions you have,
but men are more visual and they are more tempted to fall. I'm not discounting that,
but righteousness will help you. The blood works. But so there are those men. So I just want y'all
to hear that with your ears. They're there. They're there. Praise the Lord for these men.
But if they show up at your door and ain't them,
we know how to tell them what Wanda said.
Don't even get this twisted.
I ain't living with you.
I'm a righteous woman, not just in word,
but in scripture.
Indeed, that's right.
Man, thank you.
All right.
You're welcome, that was really good.
Okay, so we got Joanne.
Hey, Joanne.
Hi.
Can I just, can I start talking from your post,
from what I was trying to say?
Yes, you can, yes.
And so I agree that,
and I know the backstory is kind of long-legged,
so you can go check out the post on the community wall.
I do believe with a lot of back and forth going on here,
that it's time to just release that, right?
Release it.
Oh yeah, this morning,
well, I was waiting
because I didn't want to just do something brash.
I wanted to wait on it.
I was already thinking, this is not working,
because if he's not, he doesn't want to do Launda
since he has all these questions,
I need to let him go, right?
I think I was playing too much Junior Holy Spirit.
And so, and then this morning,
and we were gonna talk yesterday,
but I said, I need some time to just, yeah.
I didn't say much.
I said, let's just, I'll reconnect when I'm,
I have a lot going on, let's reconnect.
But this morning, he sent me a voice message
saying he just doesn't think he can do Launda,
which I already knew this is gonna happen.
I already was prepared.
Of course, it doesn't feel good, but yeah.
So it's pretty much done.
It's pretty much over.
It's just with the, I didn't even respond,
because I didn't even know what to respond.
I didn't want to respond out of frustration,
hurt, offense, anger.
So I just kind of just didn't even say anything.
And I'm, I may not have to say anything.
I might just say, God bless you.
I don't even know.
But like, I just, yeah,
it's still flushing out of my system.
Yeah.
Yeah, did you have something to say?
Yeah, I, it sounds like he may be
a little anxiously attached.
Oh, you think he's anxious?
I feel like he's avoidant.
Yeah, but you guys,
it's like this constant need of reassurance.
Let me go pray.
Now you be praying every day.
Ain't nothing wrong with praying,
but it's you praying about anything else around it.
And so there's always this insecurity.
And so I, he knew from the beginning,
but this is,
pacing is everything.
Pacing gives each person an opportunity
to work things out without this pulling tug
and pushing plug.
Let's just say, Joanne,
you were way more invested than you were.
This would be devastating for you right now.
Like.
I was, before I was asked, is this secure?
I would, I was devastated.
I would have been very just devastated, but I'm not.
Because this was too much pulling,
too much pulling, pressing pull, pressing pull,
pressing pull, pressing pull,
this back and forth, back and forth.
And a lot of times when we pace,
it gives time for that to work itself out
because there's no pressure there.
I think that him offering,
coming into a lot of futuristic conversations,
rushing, trying to see if this is going to work.
So everything's like, well, let's get,
let's talk about this.
Let this, let this,
let me come see if it's going to work.
Let me come see because everything,
if it's going to work,
if it's going to work.
Those, those, that word within itself,
start making people feel like they have to perform.
It's just something happens on the inside of you
and that need to perform,
which you may not be thinking it in your mind,
overwhelms the person.
And now they got to retreat just to find themselves
because they don't want 500 miles up the road
when you don't even have,
you know, I say this all the time.
You don't have grace for next week.
You got grace for today.
And so when you don't pace getting to know someone,
people don't have time to process
what's actually happening on the inside of them.
And so I'm glad that you're doing well.
And I'm glad that you see you released
and that you understand it and you're okay with it.
Because if you continue,
I believe it will be more of this push and pull
and that's just not healthy.
Yeah.
I mean, I have some great community.
I think I was,
and then the Lord was,
I'm very discerning,
but I still have like my wounds, right?
That I'm needing to heal more and more.
But like, I think it's because the Lord already prepared me.
I can sense before he even came.
The thing is, it's so weird.
He even.
told me he's praying, he's praying, but he was still exhausted.
He had, I don't know, I just felt like he kept stalling.
And then he said he didn't even hear anything from God.
Like he didn't get anything from God.
He's asking his guidance.
He didn't really get anything from that.
He's just whatever.
So
it's you know, I mean, it's it's sad on different levels.
Like I think I've gone over beating myself up.
I'm like, I can't do this.
I've done I did the best I could.
I didn't follow all the things.
So I learned I'm going to do better.
I think in the future, my takeaway is if a guy is talking about marriage so early,
we're not even in a relationship.
I'm going to say, no, let's not talk about marriage.
I just want to get to know you.
I'm going to do that.
I'm going to be way more strict because like I'll just say thank you so much
for sharing your intention.
I'm glad you're so intentional, but I really need to just get down.
Let's not talk about that yet.
And I'm I'm really learning to rein in my
emotions more because I mean, I I realize I'm very gifted.
But when I get my soul involved, it's scary for a man.
Like if they're not even committed, they're like, whoa, she seems so sweet
and kind and all of a sudden she's sort of like intense and kind of demanding.
I can come off that way.
But I also notice it's because I'm triggered because I'm
he would talk about like, oh, it's just easier to find someone local.
And when we were having romantic dinner
talking about long distance and then he told me I switched.
I became like this business demanding woman.
And I realize it's that what he said.
And it's interesting because that's what he concluded.
Now he doesn't want to do long distance.
He doesn't want to do the work.
He doesn't want iron sharpened iron.
He wants a peaceful, chill life.
He's he's questioning everything now.
Does he even want? It's weird.
So anyways, regardless, I feel like God is I need to rein in my emotions a bit more.
Yeah, slow down even my emotions before I say anything.
And
just in general, just in general.
Yeah, good for me. Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good plan.
And also, you know, when we bypass wisdom
and we tell the Lord, answer something for me,
you usually come up without hearing anything because wisdom is the thing
that grounds us, even when you have a prophetic word.
It has to be partnered with wisdom.
Now, the Bible says no man builds a house unless he counts up the cost first.
There are things that we try to bypass.
I just want to hear God.
He's like, here's wisdom.
Right. And that's not you.
That's what he did.
He want to keep hearing what we're bypassing wisdom.
And that's for everyone.
Don't bypass wisdom in one word.
You know,
you know, Jesus said count up the cost before you follow me.
Count it up.
What is it going to cost you?
And so we take time to count up the cost.
But yeah, Joey, I agree with you.
I like your new plan and I'm excited for you.
Do you think I should say anything to him?
You can say something if you want to.
You don't have to say anything.
I mean, I just don't want to say anything junior spirit like, well,
that, you know, kind of like, hmm, just like, hmm, I don't know.
I don't know. I just feel frustrated that I'm like, dude, you shouldn't have.
It's fine that it didn't work.
But like, don't be saying these things anymore to people.
Like, don't be saying that.
Don't. No, you don't need no teacher.
OK, don't make sure I'm just out.
It bothers me because it's how it's happened to me several times.
I got coached by Jackie and I'm like, oh, my gosh, here we go.
And it wasn't so serious right this time.
It wasn't that it wasn't as good.
But Joanne, Joanne, who's the common denominator?
Who's the common denominator here?
I know.
So I think that's why I need to say, no, we're not talking about marriage.
And I need to listen to the Lord when he told me you need to slow down,
get to know him, don't rush, don't push.
It doesn't matter what speed this guy's going in.
He's telling me I need to do this.
So I I need to do that, you know, no matter how you do, Joanne,
because the Lord didn't just tell you that Ebony told you that Jackie has told you
that Ebony always tells you that, but you don't listen to the Lord or to us.
You determine to do it your way.
So I hope this time.
You are taking heed and actually telling yourself, no.
Spiritual does not override wisdom.
That does not have it works, that's not scripture.
You can't take something spiritual and override institutions, override processes
that are necessary in life and say some Holy Spirit, what Holy Spirit?
Spirit doesn't follow order.
What do you think?
This is scripture, you read Proverbs.
It talks about wisdom.
In her right hand are treasures evermore.
Wisdom say, I call out for you.
There's foolishness calling out to you
and there's wisdom calling out to you.
And so how, you know,
we have to be real mindful about this spiritual stuff
and there's no wisdom in operation.
Okay.
You have to operate in wisdom.
But do you think because I didn't operate in full wisdom,
that's why it all didn't work out?
You think that if we did operate in wisdom,
then maybe it would work out?
Because sometimes I think so conditionally and then I-
I don't know nothing about this workout.
I don't know what it would work out,
but I know that you would have time
to not be in all this confusion.
I don't know about would it have worked out
or would it have not worked out.
It doesn't even matter.
There's not wisdom to process what something would have done.
You don't even have grace for what something could have done.
You don't have the ability to see further
than you are today.
You are human.
Only the father has that ability, Joanne.
And so what you can do is you can send
your last text message.
Thank him for being honest.
You really appreciate it.
You agree with the decision
and you hope that he has the best life possible.
That's it.
Because people only who they are by what we allow.
A person can't take you fast if you hold to a certain pace.
Like you said, what your next plan is.
All right?
Okay, can I say one more thing?
Well, you know my journey.
I've declined so many men
because I'm practicing my discernment.
I don't want to lose when I feel like it's not from God.
Right? It's not aligning.
I think of why it's been so hard this time
is because I actually felt so much word line
and I felt a lot of peace.
And I actually thought, well, in the beginning,
I mean, not when all the push and pull,
but I really felt there was a high chance this could be it.
And I think that's hard for me because I'm like, okay,
well, yeah, it's just hard to process
as a prophetic, discerning, sensitive person.
Like I was doing, I was more like going for it
because I felt it was from God.
Right.
So practical lining up, right?
In a lot of ways.
I hear you, but prophetic discerning,
there's something when you put yourself in that space
and you say, I really believe because I'm prophetic.
I really believe because I can discern.
I really believe because I hear from the Holy Spirit
that this was going to work.
So it was riding on my discernment ability,
on my prophetic ability.
And I know that I'm sharp in the spirit,
but you are failing to understand
that marriage is an institution.
It's an institution, meaning it has to operate in an order
and your prophetic ability does not override
the institution of marriage.
Eve ate that apple, gave it to Adam
and they got kicked out of the garden.
I don't care how much he heard from the Lord,
how much he walked with him in the cool of the day,
that's an institution, it's principles.
Institutions are governed by principles.
This is the order of marriage.
This is what God put in place.
So you're not gonna marry nobody in the spirit,
you're gonna marry them in the natural.
So it's like you're putting too much weight on spiritual
when you need to be putting weight on wisdom,
partner with spiritual.
And so,
ugh.
Principle tells you to pace.
You can't go by what you sense in the spirit
to override pacing, you're already in deception.
You've already crossed the line
because you came from under boundaries.
You have to submit to an order,
put yourself under their order
and their order will work for you.
Because the Lord is gonna speak,
but when things are moving fast,
I don't care how spiritual you are,
you can't keep up with it.
We're not talking about your spirit,
we're talking about your soul.
The soul shows up, the brokenness of the soul shows up,
the missing pieces of the soul shows up,
the part of the soul that wants to be loved,
that wants to be married, that wants to be cared for,
the one that wants to hope that this could work,
that's the soul.
And so, it is highly important
that you put yourself under order and you stick with it.
So basically put, don't allow these emotions and soul
or like spiritual revelation to trump
like the order and wisdom that you're talking about.
talking about, like the practicalities.
That the scripture talks about.
That came from the same God that you said
spoke to you in the spirit.
I see it's just like you're making a separation.
The book of Proverbs is all about wisdom.
It says with wisdom, a person builds a house.
And a matter of fact, it says if they build a house
with that wisdom, it will fall to the ground.
So you cannot build a house with that wisdom.
Let me find that scripture for you
because I don't want you to think
that this is just something.
It says if a builder builds a house without the Lord,
then they build in vain.
Yeah, it's just, yeah.
I think sometimes the practicals
and then I just need to like do it,
what you guys were telling me.
Because sometimes I'm not very organized.
I'm not a very structured person.
So it's Psalms 127, one through two,
says unless the Lord builds a house,
then those that build, they build, they labor in vain.
And then the book of Proverbs,
and I did a teaching on this once here,
talks about how wisdom is the foundation
of a house that you build.
You know that the Bible says that a woman with her hands
can tear down her house.
It could have been the house that the Lord gave her,
but she could tear it down with her hands.
That's what Proverbs says.
And so I don't wanna hammer on this too long,
but don't give weight to spiritual things without wisdom
and being willing to say that your spiritual things
don't come under order.
Everything about God is order.
He is not a God that's out of order.
This idea that you're gonna meet somebody
and run off in the stars out of a suddenly,
and it's gonna be absent of God's order is not true.
Where you're running to and where you got to get to,
you're an internal being at this point
if you've accepted Christ.
You're not running out of time, so where are you going?
Why can't you sit and enjoy the process?
When you start feeling that rush, say, where we going?
Well, where were you going?
When you hear the spirit say, ha, he's the one, say, great.
And then you get on the phone and you enjoy the one
because you know in just a little while
you won't have this type of time.
You know in just a little while
you won't be able to get to know him this way
because there are gonna be other demands on the other side.
So I want you to see that even when it's the spirit,
it doesn't change the pace within you.
When this nervous system gets on high alert,
you should start asking yourself questions.
Right?
Wisdom and boundaries, order will help you.
Jesus says, guard your heart with all diligence,
not the prophetic words you get.
Yeah.
And I love prophecy.
I will prophesy all day long.
I am an intercessor, I prophesy lots of things,
but I am telling you.
They go together.
Everything about God's kingdom, they go together.
Okay, I just gotta keep practicing it.
Keep practicing as best as I can.
You, it seems like the Lord is making sure
you get plenty of practice
because he is intent on driving some of this stuff
out of you.
Seriously, you have grown so much.
Well, I'm glad I've grown
even though I made a lot of mistakes.
I do feel I've grown, but I just want to focus on that.
I don't want to beat myself up, you know what I mean?
You shouldn't beat yourself up,
but you are gonna have to put up to the side
a lot of belief systems that you're unwilling to release.
And my encouragement would be to.
The Bible says that God honored his word above his own name.
It says the grass within the flower faded,
but the word of God endures forever.
We're talking about the logos word of God,
the written word of God.
The one that you declare so that his kingdom will come
and his will be done on the earth.
So you're gonna hear something in spirit
and bypass the word, they go together.
They go together.
They're not, I don't need the spirit, I have the logos.
You need the logos and the rhema.
They work together.
You're closer than you've ever been, Joanne.
Okay.
Thank you.
Ladies, it is 8.35.
I'm gonna take the last two that has their hand up,
but we're done at 8.30.
So if you need to go, please do.
So I hope that you enjoy it tonight.
I certainly enjoy each and every one of you all.
Go ahead, Nadine.
Hello.
Tell me everything you still want.
It's Nadine.
Yeah, everything's going fabulous.
But I just, I don't know.
I want to like, I don't know.
OK, so I just got in from a date.
We went to like a cool little park
and we just had like a picnic.
I made some like some sandwiches and just all the things.
So it was really fun.
OK.
I know this, you know sometimes when you say something out loud
and you're like, OK, I'm the person that I'm
saying something out loud.
And I know this sounds so ridiculous,
but I also don't understand why it's not
getting through my skull.
OK, I think I've said this like two or three times.
Like, I kind of want to poke the guy because I'm just like,
are you real?
But it's like, we are very similar in a lot of ways.
And I don't know why, but it is a trigger for me.
It's like, I'm like, I'm like, is this,
are we supposed to be talking if we're similar?
I think I've like, like seeing my parents,
they have been oil and water like my whole life.
And what I've always attracted was like the complete opposite
and it's always been so negative.
And so it's like, I see that he's compassionate.
I see that he's loyal.
I see that he's faithful.
And I know it's only been a month,
but I'm seeing these fruits come.
So it's one of those things where, and like today,
I'm seeing this grown man on a swing.
It's just cute and it's geeky, which is what I like.
But then I'm like, what?
So I guess I'm just having a hard time processing
where I'm like, like for instance,
this is something so simple.
But like, I am not a morning person.
I have tried my whole life.
I have prayed about it.
You know, I have friends calling me, trying to wake me up.
And I want to be a morning person,
but it just doesn't work.
I'm the person that I get everything done in the day
that needs to get done.
But there's order, but it's not in this very succinct way.
Right?
And he's the same way.
And I'm like, how?
Like, I don't know.
I'm overthinking this.
Am I overthinking this?
I encourage you to enjoy yourself.
That was the word that I gave you.
I responded to your post on the wall.
I hope you get a chance to look at it.
OK.
I think that you should just enjoy getting
to know this young man.
You want to protect and guard yourself,
so you're looking for something to help you guard yourself.
However, this is an opportunity for you to show up as you
and let him show up as whoever he is.
Because in due time, we all get to know each other
just a little bit better.
And so just focus on being you.
Focus on enjoying the journey.
Because one or two things are happening.
You get to meet a person that looks
like it's going really good.
And who's to say that he won't be the forever I do?
Or you get to meet someone that has
come to restore the broken places in your life,
that has come to bring repair to those spaces
that no one was like you, no one would get you.
He brought you flowers.
He brought you pretzels.
He did these really sweet things.
And so we know that if he's serving
some purpose in your life, and he's serving well.
And so that's what matters.
He's safe.
You can go out with him.
You can laugh with him.
You could do silly things with him.
And you get to be you.
Focus on you being you.
Now, who he is and what that means.
What does that mean?
It don't mean nothing.
That means that's who he is.
OK.
Work hard on doing that.
Every time you go somewhere, say, no, I
get to show up as me this time.
The Lord does the heavy lifting.
Not you, Nadine.
OK.
This is a good season for you.
Don't let the enemy rob you of your joy.
Because trust me and believe, he was able to do it before now.
But the seasons have changed.
And the only way he can rob you of joy
now is if you hand it to him on a platter.
Refuse to sit at his table and dine with him.
He comes to kill, to steal, and destroy.
But Christ has come to give you life and life more abundantly.
Please enjoy your abundant life.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
I guess I'm just, it's weird.
It's like I can be myself.
And I can be goofy.
But I can be serious.
It's like you see the different sides of me.
And it's like, seize.
And it's, I don't know.
It's refreshing to know I can be myself around a man.
I think it's just weird.
Because I'm not used to it.
So, but I am.
I think we're going to go dating, or dating.
We are dating.
We're going to go dancing.
I know we said that last time, but this was spontaneous that we met today.
Like I, I, I did a little happy dance in my room because I wasn't expecting it.
So it was, yeah.
We're excited for you.
Like, um, like, uh, Mandy C you deserve this.
Oh, thank you, Mandy.
I love you, girlfriend.
Thank.
All right.
Rachel.
Um, yeah.
So I wanted to share, I wanted to get, uh, a little bit of guidance.
Um, I just moved into phase two, but, um, so the background is I have a friend of
mine, uh, we've been friends for a bit now.
Um, and nothing really has transpired from that friendship and, um, because
he lives in Rhode Island and I live in a different state, so sometimes we'll
meet halfway to have lunch or whatever, or he will come here, I'll go there.
Kind of thing.
And so he's in Rhode Island.
I'm in mass.
So, you know, it depends, can be an hour, an hour, 15 minutes, 20 minutes.
Depends.
Okay.
Um, and we've actually met through a community, uh, online community.
And I mean, he's, he's just a great friend.
And, um, but last year we didn't really see each other as much.
And this February I went to, we went, we did like a ha like we try to meet, uh, at
a point and I don't know when I saw him in February, like, I don't know what
happened, it's just as if a veil lifted from my eyes, like, like seeing him in a
more, Oh, more than just, I was like, Ooh, he's handsome.
Like, I know he had just shaved, I don't know.
And I was like, I think we've been friends for maybe over four years.
Like, and, um, yeah, because I joined that community back in 2019 and I think
he probably joined around 2020 or 2021, if I'm not mistaken, so I'm like, Hmm.
Okay.
So some, I felt like I was paying attention to the movements of my heart
and I saw that something shifted in my own heart.
And, um, and then later that was in February.
And then in March he had invited me to something that they were doing a mission
day, you know, there was praise and worship and all that kind of stuff,
presentations and just having time in community.
And, um, later that day, um, I was talking to one of the girls.
It was, it was a long day, but later that day, uh, we were just having
girls talk and one of the girls was like, so what's up with you and Tom?
I was like, he's just my friend.
Um, and I said, he hasn't made any moves.
So I don't know.
I mean, I don't know why she asked me that question because
it's not, she's not my friend.
It's the very first time I've ever met her.
So I'm like, did you see something?
Did he say something to you?
Because I don't know.
Um, at least from my perspective, or maybe I was just blinded that
I was just naive because sometimes I can just be in my own world.
I don't know, but he's just my friend.
But I, one thing that I feel like I'm, I should have asked her
is like, what, where did you come?
Like somebody you just met, you asked me such a very personal question.
Um, I, I feel like I should have asked her a little bit more.
Um, but anyways, so that happened on the first Saturday, I think
it was March 7th and then last weekend, I went to Rhode Island for something
else that somebody else had invited me.
And since I knew you, I was going, I was like, Hey, do you want to get together?
Because I'll be in Rhode Island anyways.
And he was like, yeah, uh, sure.
So we ended up, uh, having lunch together, which is normal for us.
I mean, it's anything out of the league.
Um, it was really good.
And, um, but I think where I'm coming from is, okay.
So I'm not, first of all, I don't want to make up something
in my own mind about what is not.
Um, but also, you know, based on what Jackie talks about, you know,
there are steps, there are levels, you know, since there has
been this long of a friendship.
I don't know, like, how do you move away from, first of all, how do
I know, or identify that maybe.
Yeah.
Great question.
So glad you asked me.
Maybe he's hitting on something because he's made, he's asked
them, Oh, this is something else.
So.
When I met with him in February,
he was asking me about dating and all that kind of stuff,
because he's really open with me and talks to me,
because he is in last year's singles.
So he was asking me,
so what about dating and all that kind of stuff?
And so when I answered him, he kind of challenged me.
And not long after,
it was probably a week or two weeks after,
I met with another person and she was like,
so what about dating?
You're seeing anybody?
And I was like, hmm.
So I shared about the same thing,
the same reason why I was holding back and all that.
And they both challenged me.
When something happened once, okay.
But when something happened twice,
both of them challenging me about like,
and I realized that there was some fear in my heart.
And that's how I was already doing last year's single.
I was dragging the phase one and I was like,
okay, I'm gonna get on it.
I'm not dragging anymore.
Let's get this going.
And so looking back, I'm like,
was he trying to get some information
that I wasn't thinking about?
I was just being honest about myself.
Like, I'm not sure.
Like, does that make sense?
I don't know if I'm making sense.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
So my questions are, do you like him?
Would you date him?
Would you consider him?
And the only reason why I'm asking,
would you consider him for marriage?
Is because if you make a move,
y'all are really good friends.
And so you know him a bit better.
And so like, is he righteous?
Is he wonderful?
Is he all these things?
I think there are things that I desire in a man
that he does have.
One other thing that holds me back
is that he is a bit older than I am.
So we have a 15 year difference.
That's a big difference.
Yeah.
How old are you?
I'm 29.
And that makes him what?
I think he's-
He's 44.
I'll be 30 at the end of this year and he'll be 45.
Oh, then maybe why he didn't say anything too.
Yeah.
So that's the other thing that I'm like, okay, yes.
I know that I'm a bit more mature.
So I know that I couldn't date somebody who's 29 years old,
but at the same time I have to be realistic.
Yeah.
I mean, Jackie teaches that it's about seasons of life.
You know, you guys are both,
he's a bit more than 10 years older than you.
Seasons of life.
You want children?
Yeah.
Do you want children?
Yes.
Does he want children?
Yes, I believe so.
Okay.
Well, if you like him, y'all are really good friends
and you don't mind the age gap.
So this is what you can do.
You're in last year's single and so is he.
And you can lead by saying, you know,
in phase two, they talk about that.
You listen to me like, no, no, no, no.
Go ahead, go ahead.
I want to hear Ebony because I don't know what I'm doing.
Like, Ebony, I've never dated before.
So I don't know.
So listen, you can tell him, you can say, listen, you know,
and I don't know what it's like on you guys' side,
but in phase two, they tell us to look within our community
for people to date or friends
that we got along really well with.
And you and I get along and I've never considered dating you.
Have you ever considered dating me?
And if you did, what were your thoughts?
That feels old.
But that sounds very friend-like.
Have you ever considered dating me
and what were your thoughts?
Not will you date me, not do you want to date me.
Have you ever considered dating me
and what were your thoughts?
So, and then he can say that
and then you can speak your piece after that.
Now, if, so once you get that far,
I can't complain ahead,
but let's say the conversation goes,
well, I did think about dating you,
but I thought about the age gap.
I thought you may not like me.
Then you're going to have to speak for yourself.
What you want to do is speak for yourself
and not speak to answer his questions.
And so when you speak for yourself,
you're going to make I statements.
Like, well, I didn't consider you until,
like I said in the program, they say,
do you have friends or dating community?
And I realized that we get along so well.
And so those are my thoughts about it.
So once you give those thoughts,
that's enough for that man to say,
would you go on a date with me?
Because if he hears that you're not opposed to it,
that you're open to it, now he can make a move.
So that's why I don't want you to say,
well, I don't think you're too old.
Oh, no, no, I don't think that, I don't think that.
You don't have to defend none of his thoughts.
You just give your thoughts
and then that tells you everything.
And so then you don't have to worry about it
because in this community, it's called low stakes.
And you know, you can tell him,
being your friend is wonderful.
So because y'all-
In the same community, you can have these outright conversations,
but the language matters.
So he won't feel like he has to let you down easy or be so gentle.
You can say in phase two,
they told us to look through our community to see if there were any dateable
people. And I thought about me, you are really good friends.
We always hang out, but we've never dated.
So have you ever had any thoughts about dating me? What were they?
You see how that sounds? Everybody's relaxed. Yeah.
And then that conversation will take you somewhere. Okay.
Remember our statements.
Always not what I will accept.
Not what I'm willing to do for the right person. Just what I like,
what I will want, what I desire,
and I am open to dating.
And so if you want, if you,
if you feel a little sassy and you do want to date him,
when you get through making your statement, you can say,
so if you know any single guys who are looking to
date an awesome woman, please let me know.
I just love it.
So, you know, see, see what he does.
What? Okay. One more question. I mean, maybe that's, I'm thinking,
I'm not being present. I'm thinking future. What if it doesn't like,
let's say that the dating doesn't work out. Like there's,
there's always a rest, right? To, you know, because yes.
What about my friendship? Like what's going to happen to my friends?
If he asks you like, there's something you can discuss.
It depends on where the conversation goes. But if he says,
let's do a low stakes date, you are in this program.
You understand what low stakes mean. And I think you had,
you guys have to set really strong boundaries so that you can preserve what you
do have.
And means that you're going to be even more committed to showing up
authentically and not saying, Oh, I don't want to do this.
I heard his feeling. That's your friend.
You're going to do what's best for your friend.
And so that means keep your pacing. You don't know him.
You know him as your friend. You don't know him as something else.
Okay. And so he's going to show up different. He should show up different.
If he's going to say, let's do a date. Okay.
Now there's a little bit switch over.
So he going to have to show his peacock feathers.
You know how men do when they want a woman, they pull out them feathers, baby.
Come look at me. So he gonna have to show them feathers, but you know,
um, yeah. And then, so that would be a conversation you will have.
Like, do you think this is going to jeopardize our friendship?
Will we be able to see each other?
Is this a risk you're willing to take? If it's not then I'm not willing to lose
you as a friend either. So that's good.
That's good. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
Oh yeah. You're welcome.
But don't let that be something that caused you to do conversations too
prematurely because that will ruin anything.
Cause if you do premature conversations,
it's going to pick up the pace and you're going to be on the road.
So do you, although,
still follow the pacing,
although I already know a little bit about him still follow the pacing.
Okay.
Because if you don't, you're going to assume, you know, him that way.
And you don't. Yeah. Right.
That's one thing that I realized is that although I'm his friend,
like there are things that I still don't know, you know,
you don't know his,
you don't know his heart or your heart when a person of the opposite sex wants
to get close to it for a reason.
Or your heart when a person of the opposite sex wants to get close to it for
dating purposes, this is a different thing now.
So the core of a person should be the same,
integrates honorable and all of those things.
But sometimes little walls go up,
the assumptions go up certain attachment styles come up.
And then you'll get to, because he's your friend,
you're going to have much more grace with him. And you'll be like,
what is this you got going on? What was that about? You know? So, um,
but resist the idea that to, to, if you,
if you go fast, you're going to ruin your friendship because you,
you're out of, you got to stay in pace.
You got to submit to boundaries in order.
That's good. Yeah. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. You're welcome.
All right, ladies. It has been a blast with you all.
Tiffany has been my smiling face that I've been looking. Yes.
These are Guatemalan flag earring. I've been looking at Tiffany the whole time.
So I'm like, if I'm on track, I see her smile. She write a note down.
I'm like, I'm doing good tonight. So in Sarah,
the cameras all she keep me backed up. I'm like, yeah, I'm this bunny.
I'm like, okay, I'm a tracking and Rachel. I'm like, I'm doing good. So, uh,
Carol Jean, this is the first time I, um, Oh, you're Guatemala wonder.
Oh, we had a holidays around the world at our school.
And I go to, uh,
So all of my students are Hispanic.
And so they wanted to do Guatemala.
I got a lot of students from Guatemala, Honduras,
and all of these places, South American places.
But yeah, so nice to have you Carol Jean on tonight.
I've not met you before, but you ladies were amazing.
I hope that you get plenty of rest.
And I haven't done this activation in a really long time.
So here it is, ladies.
I want you to get in your bed tonight.
And when you get in that bed,
I want you to roll all the way over to the other side
before you fall out.
And then on your way back over to your side,
I want you to remind yourself,
in not too many days from now,
you're gonna bump into your husband
and what a glorious time you will be having.
So all right, I want you to jump in that bed,
roll all the way over, and on your way back,
say, it won't be long now.
It won't be long now.
I will be bumping into my husband, man.
That's right, okay?
So you ladies have a good night
and have fun with that activation.
All right, talk to you soon.
Bye.