Another win! Okay. It's so small, you guys. The print is so small. Okay. What did I do
for most of today? Before we get started, I just want to let you know that I have been
hunting today. I've been hunting for a wasp nest all over my property. I've been looking
for where these wasps are coming from. We have them every year, and they're the big
red wasps. Have you guys seen them? They're called paper wasps. They're really, really
large and very scary looking. Very scary. I was looking for their nest today, trying
to figure out where in the world they are coming from. This is what I heard the Lord
say as I was just running a comb through my hair before I came over here. He said, tell
them that they've spent a lot of time looking for where the danger or the enemy is coming
from. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Okay? Because God is going to reveal and
heal. God is going to reveal and heal. Instead of us out hunting, like, why is this happening?
Where is this coming from? You might even be hunting in your family tree. You might
be in the courts of heaven trying to make sure that whatever's happening gets shut down.
Take a beat, take a breath. God is going to reveal and heal. God is going to reveal and
he is going to heal. Okay? So I wasted a good day today trying to do what? Trying to be
hyper vigilant about safety, trying to figure out where the danger is coming from, trying
to take it out myself. Although I did enlist David Dorman to be involved in this process.
We had some scary moments today. Let me tell you what. Some very scary moments. It's like
those wasps knew that we were talking about them. And one of them just randomly flew out
of my stove. I'm like, is there a nest in my stove? Like, you know, the top thing that
goes to the outside, the ventilation system. And David took it all apart. And sure enough,
that wasp was there and we killed it, but there isn't any holes. There's no way. So
that wasp was just hiding out in there. Heard us talking about it, decided to come out and
say hi. But bottom line is I'm not going to spend tomorrow wasp hunting. I'm going to let the Lord
show us where the problem is so that it can be taken care of. Okay? So reveal and heal.
Everyone say that God's going to reveal and God's going to heal. I don't have to get a shovel out
or have to dig around, try to figure out what's going on. I don't have to do that.
I don't have to be hypervigilant about my safety. I don't have to be
trying to fix my family lineage in line, trying to shut down wherever the devil's getting a
foothold or stronghold. God will show you and then he will instruct you. You guys on page with me?
Okay. All right. We're going to get started and have some fun. That was just a little prophetic
tidbit. That was just a little, little tidbit for all of us. Okay. Sound good. All right. Let's see.
There are 84 beautiful ladies on here. So I have some ideas of things we could talk about. Remember,
this is our ladies only session. It happens every month because we don't need the guys
lurking around when we're trying to talk about really private stuff. There's private stuff that
we need to talk about. So that is what you want to save for this session. If you're wondering,
like, what's the girl session for? It's to have fun. In my value ladder, fun is the top of my
value ladder. We have to have fun. Okay. So we're going to have fun. We're going to laugh. We're
going to goof off a little bit, but then save everything that you really don't want to ask in
front of men or in a co-ed session or something that's not really serious about dating. Maybe
it's just something that you want to ask about being a woman, about femininity, about sex,
about hygiene, about weight loss, about a spiritual situation that you don't want to bring to the
group when the men are around for whatever reason. The men have their own sessions every Monday.
We have women only sessions one Tuesday a month. Okay. And so we're not going to spend this time.
Now, if you have something that you wouldn't want to ask in a co-ed session that has to do
with dating or relationships, then sure. But this is not a regular Ask Jackie. This is more
of a collaboration of all of us ladies getting together and talking about lady things. Cool.
The very first thing I would really love to ask you guys to get tonight kicked off,
and I have been posting a lot about this over on my Instagram. If you don't follow me, you should,
because I'm popping off over there all the time, getting in trouble, getting in trouble.
You know, being a little too sarcastic,
probably needing a little more Jesus.
That's okay, I'm trying my best.
But one thing that I wanna know,
and I want you guys to just be really honest,
there is no shame here, you don't have to hide,
and we're not gonna judge you.
We're not gonna judge you.
Do you believe that your love story is predestined?
Meaning God wrote it, he didn't write it with you,
he wrote it, and now it's your job
to try to figure out how to get into it
because God has someone picked out for you already
and it's a predestined thing.
Please raise your hand if that's true of you.
And it's okay, we love you still.
We love you, if that's what you believe,
then that's what you believe.
Not a hand in the group, come on,
except for just one hand.
I'm like, not one hand.
Oh, two, two hands.
Could you explain what predestined means?
Predestined means that God's gonna cause you
to choose this person.
He is going to cause you to choose this person.
It's already been done.
You don't have free will.
God has a choice for you
and he's gonna cause you to make it.
Three people believe that.
Now, maybe only two,
now that I've explained it a little bit better.
Thanks for explaining.
Let's talk about this for a second
because it's really important, you guys.
Because here's the thing,
if we believe any version of,
I just wanna help you get out of your own way
because I used to believe this kind of stuff too.
Here's the thing,
if we believe any version of,
God is going to cause me to do it,
even if we call that free will,
like I still have to do it,
but God's gonna cause me to do it,
then it's not free will.
God knows who's gonna be saved
and who's not gonna be saved.
People are like, well, God knows everything already.
He already knows what choices you're gonna make.
But you get to make the choices.
You get to make the choices.
Bottom line, you get to make the choices.
Otherwise, what you're saying is
God has predestined people for hell.
Is that what you wanna say?
That God chose the people that are gonna go to heaven
and he chose the people that are gonna go to hell already.
That's pretty bleak, isn't it?
That's a bleak situation.
Now, if you don't believe in hell,
then we probably have a whole different conversation to have
because I know a lot of people
don't believe in hell anymore and that's fine.
I don't talk about hell a lot
because I don't need to talk about it.
We need to give people heaven, not hell.
Give them heaven!
Because when you give them heaven,
they don't really want to go to hell, so that's fair.
I got the big water.
I got the big water for tonight.
Okay, I just wanted to talk about that
because we have to take responsibility for our lives.
We have to make choices,
whether they're perfect choices or not.
Well, they're never gonna be perfect choices.
We have to.
We have to start moving forward.
And the only way we can do that is by making choices
that we really don't know what the outcome
of those choices are gonna be.
But we're trusting that God is going to work things
to our good, and this Supernatural Saturday
is going to be about something really awesome.
And I am gonna mention Romans 8, 28,
God works all things to the good.
And that's a perfect example.
God doesn't will all things to your good.
He works all things to your good.
He doesn't will it to your good.
For those of you that think that God's will
trumps everything, well, you know, if it's God's will,
God's will, God's will, God's will.
No, God's will is that you be perfect in your love
and your joy and your peace and your righteousness in Christ.
All the details of like Mary, Brad and move to Wisconsin,
that's not defined as God's will.
That's defined as choices that we make
and that we allow God to work to our good.
The imperfect choices that we make
with imperfect information.
Because we never have all the details, do we?
We never have all the pieces of the puzzle, do we?
So we have to see through glass darkly, don't we?
And is that what the Bible says that we'll do?
We'll see through glass darkly?
Have you ever looked into a car that had tinted windows?
You can kind of see the people that are in there,
but you can kind of not see, you can't see the details.
You might see someone drinking something in a car
with tinted windows,
but you don't know what they're drinking, right?
Do you guys see the picture of what I'm saying?
We see through the glass darkly.
Glass is dark.
We can make out some things, we can't make out others.
So you have to.
in perfect action. You're never going to have all the pieces of the puzzle. You're never going to,
for sure, for sure, for sure. No, no, no. That it's the right, right, right decision for those
of you that are waiting for a lightning bolt before you say yes to whatever it is.
And I really want to help you with that because God's will is that you live in joy and peace
and in the righteousness of Christ. That's why the Lord's prayer says, let your will be done on
earth as it is in heaven. In heaven, are you married to Brad and live in Wisconsin?
Or Chad in Orlando? Whatever. No. It doesn't have to do with what job. In heaven, do you work at
Dunler Mifflin, you know, paper company in the office? You know what? No, it doesn't have to
do with that. You guys, all of our little details here on earth, we make to be such big details,
but the bigger details is that you would show the world where it looks like to be a daughter of God
by living in joy and peace and righteousness, regardless of what little detail decisions you
make. Do you follow me? I know that takes all the magic out of it. Cause all of us want to
be predestined. Even if we say we don't believe in it, we would prefer it
because it would be much easier that way. All right. All right. Let's talk about girl stuff.
That was kind of about girl stuff, sort of, because a lot of you are just waiting to be
struck by a lightning bolt. And I hope that doesn't happen to you because it wouldn't be good.
All right. Okay. Friends, girl talk commence. I heard you guys had to talk about nighties.
The last time we did this and sleepwear, and we used to talk about something called GRFM.
I'm sorry, GRFN, G R F N getting ready for naked. We used to talk about that back in the day when
it was just women. And we had a lot of fun talking about that. You might say, what is GRFN?
It's getting ready for naked. It's getting ready for the sex that we will be having in the future
with our husbands and all of that and all of what that entails. As an over 50 year old woman,
I will tell you, sex doesn't really get easier. It actually gets a little harder to navigate.
And so, um, getting ready for naked is probably important. So if you have questions about that,
whatever, anything you guys would talk about, you want to talk about fitness,
you want to talk about makeup, you want to talk about anything, girl stuff, who wants to talk?
I do. Hi. I didn't think I was going to talk about this, but I guess I'll go ahead and do it.
I think you should. Um, I have had, um, two live dates
and one zoom with a guy who lives, um, like an hour and a half from me. Uh-huh. Uh,
I would call him mature marriage minded. And what's the other M masculine. Yeah. Um, I always
joke when we pray on prayer nights, uh, prayer mornings, I'm like with money, we won't say no
to money, the fourth M just kidding. Anyway. Um, I'm not against it.
Um, so he told me that it's, it's probably a little early. It's been three and a half weeks,
but it's probably a little early. We're talking about kids, but it just kind of came out. And
he said, he's been afraid to have kids. He's 54 because he has people in his family who have
disabilities, been born with disabilities, and he's been afraid to have kids. And like,
in case they come out with some deformity, you know, um, I still have that ability. I don't
know. I'm 51, but anyway, just wondering how to, cause I know you've said, and it's generally said,
don't try to change a man's mind on what they want to have kids or not. You know? Um, I think
he's open to adoption, but I guess the question is biologically, would it be improper to say,
I'm trusting the Lord that if we had a baby, he would be normal. And if he's not, that's God's
will. I don't know if that's silly. I mean, it's a little early to be talking about having a baby
together. Um, the man's 54 has never had children. I think that kind of tells a lot.
And here's the thing. And I've been talking about this on my Instagram. So Helen, I'm glad that
you're bringing this up, but men have been told that they don't have an expiration on their
fertility. And it's not true. Science is actually proving that men are the sperm,
the sperm contribution to the conception is actually where a lot of the problems are coming
from. Did you guys know that miscarriage? One of the, the, one of the, one of the factors of
miscarriages is carried in sperm. Like it's like the sperm, it's the guy that's causing the
miscarriage. Now we always thought it was our bodies. And I'm not saying that it's.
ever our bodies, but a lot of the leading factors that cause the miscarriage has to
do with DNA.
It has to do with the health of the conception, right, of the fetus, and that's where the
miscarriage.
We're just like, oh, I wasn't taking care of myself.
I was stressed out at work that week.
I had a glass of wine.
I didn't know I was pregnant.
Then I had a miscarriage.
It must have been me.
You guys, I had a miscarriage when I was young, and I probably shouldn't have been pregnant
anyway.
I was 18 years old.
I was in a relationship.
I lived with my boyfriend.
I had lived with him since I was just a little over, just turned 17 years old, and my daughter
Abigail did not make it to the earth.
She went to heaven, and I always blamed myself because I didn't know this, and no one knew
this, but the majority of miscarriages are because of something that happened, something
that the sperm was carrying, some kind of unhealth, and my baby daddy, who's also in
heaven because of drug abuse, was an addict, and so that kind of makes sense, right, that
his sperm wouldn't be healthy, but there's a lot of ways for sperm not to be healthy.
Obesity is one of the ways, all kinds of different things of what they're doing and what they're
eating and genetic things, genetic disorders.
They go up five times after 40 for men, men, schizophrenia, mental health situations.
Now, of course, we trust the Lord.
We trust the Lord, but at the same time, we also have to look at why are we so focused
on having to have our own biological children when our sister just told us adoption is an
option and there's lots of kids that need to be adopted, right, and so especially after
a certain age.
So schizophrenia goes up five times.
I think that autism, the rates of autism are much, much higher.
We were always told that it's our fault.
The ladies are releasing a bad egg, and that's where autism comes from.
We were told that, oh, old moms, if you get pregnant after 40, the chances of you having
an autistic baby are really high.
Well, now we're realizing the reason why it's high is not because of your egg being damaged,
but because you're probably having sex with a man who's over 40, if you're over 40, and
their sperm DNA is where that's really coming from.
Wow.
Who knew?
And women's clocks are ticking, ticking, ticking, ticking, ticking, and we're always told to
pay attention to the ticking of our own clocks, but men are just given permission to just
ignore time.
Mick Jagger had a bunch of babies when he was 75 years old.
You can too.
Well, just because you can still have an ejaculation doesn't mean that you should be having children,
right?
To answer your question, I think that you should just enjoy getting to know this person.
If he's over 50 years old and he hasn't had a child yet, there's probably some other reasons
why he hasn't had a child as far as getting into a serious relationship and having a child.
Let's see if he has the mindset to be committed at that level, and then I think that you can
trust, honestly, Helen, I feel like you can trust.
It sounds like you really, really want to mother.
It sounds like you can trust that part of your life to the Lord, honestly, because for
every mother's heart, I believe that there's a child.
For every father's heart, there's a child or more children, more than one, because God
knows there's a cause, right?
And so raise your hand if you're over 45 and you're hoping to have a biological child.
You're over 45 years old and you're hoping to have a biological child.
And the reason why I'm using 45 is because that's when people start to think that it's
really, really impossible, right?
People give it to you at 40, 41, but you know, 45 and up, they'll say, oh, you're getting
into dangerous territory now.
Raise your hand over 45, want to have a child.
Yeah, Kim is making a valid point.
She was only 22 when she got pregnant with her son who is 23 and he has autism.
Makes it look really different.
When we started hearing about the sperm and the DNA, the sperm is carrying because women
used to get executed for not giving, you know, royalty, a male heir.
And the science shows very clearly that men are responsible for the gender of a baby,
not the egg, not the woman, right?
We've been getting a bad rap for a long time, but we're not in here to hate on men, but
we are in here to really call it what it is.
All right.
So we've got about 10 or so.
ladies, nine ladies who are hoping to have a biological child.
Now raise your hand if you're, if you're over 35, just raise your hand.
If you, if you raise your hand period, if you're hoping to adopt children, you're hoping
to adopt children.
Let's see those hands.
It doesn't matter how old you are.
You're open.
You're hoping to adopt children.
You would like to, you want to, you're hoping to get an opportunity to
raise your child.
Raise your hand.
Okay.
So there's about 21 of you, 22 of you guys.
Okay.
Now raise your hand if you are hoping to help your husband raise his children, be a blended
mom.
You're hoping to be a blended mom.
You're hoping that your guy already has kids and you're hoping to be part of that parenting
Oh, look at all these hands.
I'm so proud of you guys.
I feel like if I would have asked this a couple of years ago, I would have had crickets, but
I feel like my work has been done here showing people that blended families can be completely
rad.
Right?
About 23, 24, 23 hands up.
Okay.
Now raise your hand.
Everyone put your hands down.
It's okay.
And we're not going to judge you at all, but raise your hand.
If you're hoping to have no children at all, at all, from anywhere, from anywhere, you
don't want to raise anybody else's children.
You don't want to adopt children.
You want to be a blended mom to children.
If they have children, you hope that they're fully grown and that you don't need to be
participating in that.
You don't want to obviously have biological children.
You just don't want any kids.
You've kind of always made, you've been like that or you became like that as you got older
and you're just like, Hey, it's not going to happen, you know, naturally or biologically
for me.
So I've made peace with that.
And I'm just, now I want to just be with my spouse.
I just want to be with a partner.
I want to build something else, but I'm not interested in raising kids.
There's 10 of you.
That's fine.
That is okay.
All right.
So now you guys kind of see who these ladies are, who each other are.
Everybody wants something different.
And I have to say that there's 104 of you.
And there's a lot of you that didn't raise your hand for any of those.
And those are the only three options.
So I don't know what other option I could give you.
Some of you are just like, I'm not going to raise my hand.
That's all I got.
That's it.
I go, okay.
I guess there's another option that you already have children of your own and you just, you
don't need any more.
You already have them.
You have them and you're fine with not having any more because your kids are getting older
and they're already a handful and you just want someone who's going to help you focus
on your kids.
And that's it.
Nine.
Now you guys know that I was only 32 years old when I married David.
We've been, we'll be married for 20 years.
I could have had, I could have had a bunch of babies still.
Right.
And my daughter was six years old.
So she was still pretty young when we were, she was five going on six and they were nine
and 11 David's kids.
And we definitely could have had other kids.
And people ask us, why didn't you guys have like, cause we have his and mine, but we don't
have ours.
I consider all three of them hours.
We've raised them together for the last 20 years.
And I can honestly tell you, I know this might sound crazy, but it never crossed our minds
to try to have children together.
It didn't even cross our minds.
We didn't have a discussion about it and say, yeah, we don't want to do that.
We didn't even think about it.
We had three kids, six, nine, and 11 and they needed attention and they need to be raised
needs to be focused on.
And there was all kinds of other things that we were doing in the mix as well.
And we just didn't even think about it at all.
And when we, when we actually thought about it and started kind of like, whoa, is when
I had a pregnancy scare and I say a scare because I was 47 years old and I had a chemical
pregnancy.
Have you guys heard of this?
You guys know what this is?
pregnancy symptoms and the tests say positive, but you're not actually pregnant per se.
Like there's not actually, you know, a fetus.
And so that happened to me.
And you guys had happened at the same time that my daughter was pregnant with twins.
So she was pregnant with twins.
And right after she found out, I was like, man, if I didn't know any better, I'd say
I'm pregnant too because of my symptoms.
So I took a pregnancy test just as kind of a gag and it was positive.
And I was like, what, what's happening?
And when I tell you that your homeboy David almost had a coronary heart attack.
He almost died and went straight to heaven.
I'm not kidding.
And you know how people are like, oh, it's okay.
You know, they'll get used to the idea.
They'll come around to it.
I don't know.
I don't know if he would have.
I am thinking that I'm about to be in menopause and instead I'm going to be a mommy.
I don't know about that.
Anyway, so that's the first time that we had a real true discussion about it.
Not that we would have like had an abortion or terminated or anything like that.
And I know that some of you are post abortive and you have had abortions and that is not
any kind of shame thrown towards you.
But we had the discussion after the pregnancy test, three of them came back positive because
we had to ask ourselves, hey, why didn't we do this 20 years ago?
Why is this now happening now?
Because we were fully believed that we were pregnant, that we were going to have a baby.
And so, um, yeah, it's crazy.
Jeannie said she's had a chemical pregnancy.
You guys have never even heard of that before.
I've never even heard of that.
Okay.
Who else wants to talk about something fun?
What do you got?
Helen, thank you for your question.
I believe God has a plan for your motherhood and it doesn't have to be talked about necessarily
now.
Get to know this man.
See if you even like him.
Thank you so much.
I have something.
Yeah.
I do too.
Whoever went, I'm happy to go after them or I can go now.
Go ahead.
Go ahead, Tammy.
Go ahead.
Well, I'm kind of feel like I've joined the club now cause I kind of, I matched with somebody
on Facebook and he's in Georgetown actually, North of Austin.
And he's real sweet, but I just don't know if, uh, he doesn't seem that intentional anymore.
And maybe I'm just, my fears are coming up.
My fears of, Oh, he's not that engaged with me.
Oh, he's not that interested.
Oh, he's not pursuing me.
This little trust issues and stuff like that's coming up, you know, and I think it's that
more than anything.
I had some concerns and some confusion at first.
Why is he asking me that?
I even compared him to the guys at my church who are way too young for me or way too old
or already married or not romantically interested for one reason or other.
Okay, but Tammy, let me ask you this.
Have you met him in person?
Not yet.
I've talked on the phone and we're trying to get a zoom, a zoom or video chat this week
and I just thought to myself, well, you talked to him on the phone and how you guys live
close together.
Is that what you're saying?
No, no, no.
I'm, I'm three hours away.
Oh, you're three hours away.
Okay.
You talked to him on the phone, phone call, voice, phone call.
Yes.
Okay.
That, that, how long was that phone call for?
Oh, I don't know.
Um, it wasn't like an hour or anything like that, but, um, we talked about cause he drives
for Uber.
He's his own boss.
So this is in the evening and he didn't come see me that night even it was a Saturday that
day and I'll come see me that night and meet me somewhere out here.
And I was like, I was kind of crazy, but so we were going to meet for dinner that night
and this was like three o'clock in the afternoon, three or four and he was going to drive here.
He said it'd take about three hours and so I was going to wash my hair and a few minutes
later he texted me saying, um, he really couldn't do it.
This is a busy weekend in Austin.
He really had to work to pay some bills.
And so I texted him a question mark and he texted me, well actually I think three hours
is just too far away.
I'm sorry.
And I texted him back and I said, well, I told you three times on the phone, I asked
you that.
I said, why didn't you say that then?
I wasn't mad.
I was just confused.
And he said, yeah, I know.
I'm sorry.
I should have said that.
And so, I mean, so what's your, what's your girl only question?
Cause right now this is definitely not a Jackie question right now.
I know, but I just, it's the stuff I went through since then mentally just thinking,
well, I, I just, I don't know, is he pursuing me enough now?
Cause it's been several days and sometimes I'll text him and say, hey, are you up yet?
Cause he works at night and so he sleeps till real late.
And so I try to text him or something later in the afternoon to say, hey, are you up?
Cause I don't want to wake him up.
And, and sometimes he'll be available, sometimes not.
And I just, I'm just impatient, I guess.
Maybe it's just my trust.
Okay.
But you've just, you've just had one, you've just had one phone call.
And a couple, a couple of phone calls.
Okay.
And, and he, I mean, he told you, I mean, I know that it was too, it was too, it was
too far for him to come on that day, but I feel like, I feel like he's telling you that
it's too far.
No, because I told him I have a cataract in the side, so I can't drive right now.
Otherwise I could.
come and meet him halfway and I'm fixing to have my cataract surgery. In fact, I'm seeing the doctor
Thursday morning and then I'm hopefully going to have it Tuesday. Well, what's the question,
Tammy? Because I mean, I really can't, if you want me to kind of weigh in on whether or not
he's motivated, doesn't seem like it to me. How long have you been talking for?
Since, oh God, I can't remember. Not that long, maybe like less than a week, I think,
but I'm going to ask him because I mentioned less than a week, less than a week. Okay. So you feel
like you're having a little bit of anxiety right now? Yes. Cause it's like, Oh God, maybe it's not,
it's too good for me. Maybe this, nobody really likes me. Maybe it's okay. Listen to be, to be,
listen, this is the bigger thing. And this is, this is a good thing for us ladies to talk about
because ladies, so Tammy, thank you for asking. Cause ladies, you guys tend to deal with anxiety
or anxious attachment more than men do. Okay. And I actually just did a post about it today on
Instagram and it sounds like Tammy, doesn't it? In fact, let's just read it cause it's fun.
All right. So let's read it. Cause Tammy's only been talking to old dude for a week and who knows?
I mean, he literally can have a third nipple. I mean, he could be, you know, hair everywhere,
but on his head. I mean, we don't know. We don't know right now. All right. So here's the post and
it says Monday he's consistent and attentive and talking about future plans. Like in her case,
coming to visit. And I think finally, this feels good. Anybody else? And then by Tuesday, he's
pulling back a little. I feel it immediately, right? Cause your nervous system's dysregulated.
So immediately they're pulling back. They're making, giving you all the attention on Monday.
And then Tuesday they're pulling back a little bit. And then you tell yourself, don't be crazy.
Don't be crazy. Don't scare them off. That's Tuesday. Wednesday. I reach out more because
she said, Oh, she's trying to get ahold of him now. She's like, are you up? Are you awake? Remember
they've only known each other for a week and he's responding less. Tammy, this is the middle of my
object lesson. I reach out more. He responds less. This is just about anxious attachment.
Tammy is not necessarily about you. I checked my phone more than I want to admit. Ladies,
come on. Let's see your hands. If this is you Thursday, he says, he's just busy.
I try to be understanding. I replay everything in my head. And I ask myself, am I being too much?
Am I not being enough? Right? Then Tammy just said, doesn't anyone going to love me?
Is anyone going to like me? Isn't anyone going to choose me? And then by Friday,
he circles back around. Weekend's here. He circles back around like nothing happened.
And I feel relief. I feel a relief, but not peace. Saturday, we finally hang out. It's amazing. We're
good again. I become even more attached. I tell myself, he's just not a good texter. Sunday,
he's distant again. And I'm right back to where I started. I tell myself real relationships take
work and nobody's perfect. Anyone see themselves in any variation of that? Right? Any variation
of that? That means you're anxiously attaching. Tammy's only known about the sky. She only has
known about his existence for a week of her entire life. How old are you, Tammy? I'm 58.
You're 58. That means for 50 years, you have been an adult. And for the 50 adult years of
your life, you have never known that this man existed until one week ago, babe.
And so you got to dial it back and you got to deal with the anxiety that's behind it of what you
were already talking about. Is anyone going to love me? Is anyone going to choose me? When is
it going to happen for me? Well, yeah, I just, I just want to go ahead and drop the hankies
until you do that FaceTime call. Honey, you dropped a lot of hankies. You've been texting
him to see if he's awake. He knows you're interested. He knows you're interested. My
advice for you is to stop over-functioning and let him pursue. And if he doesn't, that's your
answer. He knows where you live. He knows that you're interested. If I was you, I would stop
trying to get to the next level, whatever it is that you think that is, and let, and let's see
what he does. Because if he just drops off the face of the earth, then that's your answer.
And I know it's hard. Yes. You guys, I know it's hard, but nobody, ladies, none of you should want
a man that you're going to have to drag kicking and screaming through this life. That's true.
Trying to get to do the things that you want him to do, the things that you need him to do,
trying to get him to have the conversations that you want to have or need him to have.
No, no, no, no, no. Yes. Simone period. As Medea would say period. Okay. We do not want that.
And you're an amazing woman. I can tell you're so articulate. Does anyone notice
how articulate she is when Tammy's talking?
how articulate, how well-spoken she is. And I'm just going to tell you that if he wants to, he will.
Absolutely. And for ladies, it's worse than the older men, okay? It's worse than the older men
because a lot of them have been single for a really long time, like Helen's guy.
And they're just kind of used to being single. They've already made it this far single. Maybe
they've been divorced for a long time or they never got married. And unless they're really
motivated at this age, we do not want it. We've got to wait for someone really motivated.
And I'm talking to all you ladies that are 45 and up. Sometimes the younger ones are like this,
but a lot of times the younger ones are still looking to have a baby and that's driving them.
They want to procreate. They want to sow their seed. They want to have children. They want to
have an heir, you know, so they're a little bit more, they have testosterone still.
They're trying, they're trying. And so the older guys, you know, we have to see something
more from them because we're not looking for pen pals. We're not. And so if they're motivated,
they're motivated. All right, Tammy, thanks for jumping in. You're beautiful and amazing
and incredible. And you need a man who wants to get to know you and is really motivated to get
to know you. And if this Uber, we'll call him Uber guy. If Uber guy is him, then he will be him.
I used to drive Uber. I just drive Uber 10 plus years ago. That's part of how I paid for my
wedding. Just so you guys know. And I will tell you that you can turn that on anywhere. So he
could drive to, he could drive to where you live and he could take some runs. He could turn it on.
He could take some runs, you know, he can go on a date with you and then take some runs. Maybe
even takes a run home. Someone who wants to go to Austin from where you live. Bottom line is,
is that where there is will, they will make a way. Okay. All right. Who else has a question?
Hey Jackie, I have a super quick question. Girl question. Okay. Let's not forget about Gail is
saying how far is too long for long distance. Let's put that there. Ladies. Let's talk about
long distance dating. Ladies. If you have any lady questions about that, who should go first?
Who should move? Where? Who should do the things? Lady questions. Remember ladies, this is not an
ask Jackie. This is girls night. Go ahead and ask. And then you went live like a while back
about your makeup and you mentioned makeup earlier, so I can't find it anymore. What,
what foundation do you use and your concealer? Cause you'd share that in the video and I didn't
write it down and it's gone. You guys, I love this question and I switch out, you know, I've,
I've been using house labs by lady Gaga, H a U S house, H a U S labs. It's a clean product.
Now is it fully clean? Does it have any chemicals in it? I'm sure it does, but it's on the, it's on
the cleaner side and Karanda your hand was up before. So we gotta, we gotta get to your question
next. Um, but that's for a fuller face. Like you're going to go out on the town, like the lamb,
you have some, you know, acne scars you want to cover up, whatever. But if you want like a
lighter situation, something that's light and nice. I also like, um, NARS N A R S.
They have a illuminating foundation. I use that. That's actually what I have on right now. It's
kind of like, just like my skin, you know? And then, um, I like the NARS it's in the pot
and it's like a solid. I like their concealer and I also use, um, what other concealer do I use?
Oh, it's a S A I L E. It's another clean brand. I don't know how to say it. S A I L E. I use
their concealer as well. It's called say, there you go, honey. It's called say, say what you need
to say. And so that's what I use. Thanks for asking. And my favorite, and you guys, I can't
tell you what my favorite lip color is because they've discontinued it and I've been buying it
on the black market. And then if I tell you, you're going to go buy it on the black market
and there isn't going to be any more. So I'm going to have to gatekeep that right now. I have
to gatekeep that. Can you play the two lip colors that I love the most? Both brands discontinued
that color. What in the conspiracy theory is going on? Anybody else ever have that happen
to you? You just love something so much and then they just continue it. And you're like,
what am I supposed to do with my life now? What am I supposed to do? Okay. All right.
Karanda you're up. Hey friends. Howdy from Atlanta. Um, so Jackie, can we talk about
mammograms and wait, wait, who is, who's asking the question right now? Me Karanda.
Oh, okay. Okay. You said howdy from Atlanta. Why did I think you said
Hallie like Haley? And I was like, wait, I thought your name was Karanda.
Okay.
Mammograms.
All right.
This can be listen, this could get spicy because I know a lot of people are pro and against
and all the things and I had a mom that passed away from metastatic breast cancer.
And so all the things so yeah, so my Yeah, my question is, I feel like the experience
I'm having is common.
And so I'm managing anxiety here, right?
Like I've had my second mammogram and now I've been called back in for like a six month
follow up.
So I had one and then I had to get another one.
And now I'm on like a six month rotation.
I feel like that is given the increases in technology, right?
That is a common experience.
But yeah, just throwing it out to we ask you a question, can we ask you the six month six
month like, okay, instead of a year now they have you on six months, but for what reason?
Because the radiologist did see something that was not detectable, it was detectable
in the mammogram.
And so I came in for an ultrasound.
And they said, Yeah, we're, we don't think this is anything, we're not sure, but we want
to watch it.
And so they're doing another mammogram and ultrasound.
So they said to you, so they said to you, this is normal breast tissue, as far as we're
concerned.
You know, but later, yeah, yeah, come back six months later, and we'll check it again.
Exactly.
Yes, it is a very common in fact, that happened to me too.
It is very, very common.
And the thing is, is that really, because of liability, they kind of have to say that
now were you flagged?
Do we have your annual mammogram and got flagged?
Or did like a Did you have a self exam from a doctor that got flagged at the annual?
Okay.
Yeah.
And then the ultrasound was just like, no, it's fine.
But come back in six months.
And how many six months have you gone back?
So my six months is actually next week.
So this was like perfect timing to be like, this is normal.
Yeah.
Well, here's, here's what you have to understand, they need to follow up.
But at the same time, you know, breast cancer is, you know, it's a it's a situation where,
you know, they're not gonna let six months go by if they think there's actually something
happening there.
Right.
And I'm saying, because that's way too long.
That's way too long to have just let go by.
And so I understand, we'll pray over you before we get off of here.
But how many of you have dealt with dense boob callbacks?
Um, yeah, who doesn't have dense breast tissue?
Sharice?
Exactly.
Who doesn't?
I mean, what the heck?
Who?
Who gets Oh, your boobs are just fat.
There's no tissue in there.
Who gets that letter front in the mail?
Um, yeah.
And Sandra said, you know, they didn't suggest a diagnostic MRI.
So if they if they really were concerned, they definitely would have done that.
Right.
And people get cysts.
People have had fibroids and like cysts, right?
And then fibroids even in the uterus.
What does that mean?
What is I don't know what that means.
When you say cysts, what does that mean?
Cysts are they're non-cancerous growths or fluid filled sacs, you know, and, um, you
know, hopefully ladies, hopefully all of all of you do breast self exams and you know your
boobs as well.
Does everyone know their boobs really well?
Like I know my boobs really, really well.
And hopefully you do as well.
And, um, and I definitely suggest, I know they're like, oh, well, you know, you can't
feel anything until it's too late.
Well, that's not necessarily true.
And so, um, someone said I have side boobs.
That's funny.
Um, okay.
So everyone put your hands down.
Let's put hands down cause we're going to help our sister out here.
Everyone put your hands down.
Raise your hand if you've been flagged ever for anything that has to do with breast tissue.
You've been flagged.
Let's see all the people that this has happened to.
We have 20, 21, 24, 25, 25, 28 of 109, 30, 31, you can count me.
So that's 32, 33.
So probably about 30% of us and some people just have their hands up in their window.
They're not actually putting their hand up here.
So it's quite a bit of us, but we're definitely going to pray over you since you're going
in.
And, um, and I thought she was going to ask, do you think mammograms are good or bad?
Cause a lot of people are like radiation.
Don't do it.
This and that.
And I really don't want to get in that conversation because so many of us just think so differently
about that stuff.
And it's probably not a helpful conversation, but you are not alone.
We are with you and we also believe that you are going to be completely healthy and
fine.
Amen.
I receive that.
I'm on the six months thing as well.
Six months mammogram, then another breast ultrasound, and then an MRI.
So if you want, I live in Atlanta as well.
If you want support, you want someone to go with you.
I'm happy to do that.
Proudly to pray with you there.
And, um, I do that because.
the BRCA2, and that's just my rotation.
They never find anything.
Amazing.
Well, I'm headed to Emory, so I will reach out to you.
You have the gene too?
Yes. Do you have that gene?
Yes, I do. Do you have it?
How many of you have gotten tested for that gene?
That's the genetic predisposition gene.
How many of you gotten tested for that?
Now, I didn't get tested for it
because you guys know my mom had breast cancer
and she's the only person in our family
that ever had breast cancer.
And also they tested her.
And the surgeon at Cleveland Clinic,
which is a renowned hospital that did her surgery,
told me that if she tests negative for it,
there's no way that I could have it, or my daughter.
And so she tested negative for it.
She was not a, it was not a genetically driven situation.
So yeah, you guys, I have friends.
I have, I don't want to call them friends,
necessarily, I have colleagues in my life,
people that are related to my husband, actually,
that got tested for that gene, had the gene,
and then had an elective double mastectomy
at like 33 years old.
You know, actually, she didn't just have a mastectomy.
She actually ended up having a full hysterectomy, elective.
She didn't have any tumors or anything,
just full hysterectomy,
waited until she had her last child that she wanted to have,
and then, you know, married girl,
and just had all of her woman parts taken out and taken off.
I'm not judging her at all.
I don't know what I would have done in that situation,
but you know, I do know that being a woman is hard.
That's what I'm doing, Jackie.
I'm trying to, quite in the spirit of transparency,
I'm trying to get pregnant now.
I had the surgery this morning.
I'm going to do a double mastectomy,
and they're not going to give me
a full hysterectomy unless I want it,
but I'm going to get my ovaries removed after trying.
We're just going to do one try,
and if it can happen, great.
If it can't, then I'm going to move on,
but that's what I'm going to do as well.
Yeah, and did you get tested
because your mom or grandma or someone?
All of my grandmother, not my mother,
but my grandmother and all my aunts on both sides
either had a breast or colon, and they passed away.
Wow, I'm so sorry.
I know that's like, not all the people,
but my mom, and it's really rough and horrible, so yeah.
Yeah, Tiffany, I just want to like reciprocate the offer
since we're both in ATL.
Like, if you need support, like, please,
I'm going to ping you on Facebook.
Yeah, let me know.
I'm happy to be there also, and pray for you too.
I appreciate that.
Like I said, I had a surgery this morning,
I appreciate that.
Like I said, I had a surgery this morning.
I'm getting around pretty good.
I had a cyst on my ovary,
so they couldn't do anything until I removed the cyst.
And she was like, I think I'm going to take the cyst
and possibly half of your ovary because it's attached.
And when I got done with the surgery, she said,
hey, I don't know, Tiffany, that cyst was just right there.
I said, what do you mean?
She said, I didn't touch your ovaries.
Your ovaries are perfect.
Like, everything was working.
Your hormones are perfect.
Your egg quality looks really good.
I just took the cyst and then left everything intact.
So I was grateful for that.
Praise God.
Amen.
Wow.
I'm just reading through the comments, you guys.
Yes, connect with each other.
Yeah, Tiffany, we'll pray over you too.
I had no idea that you were dealing with all that.
See ladies, this is why we have these women only times.
You know, we want to have fun on here,
but sometimes we just got to get serious about,
you know, things that women deal with.
And not that, you know, not that, you know,
cancer and other diseases are not things
that men deal with as well.
But, you know, this is something that we definitely
need to love on each other about.
Okay.
Hold on a second.
I lost the participants.
I don't know what happened.
There they are.
Okay.
All right.
Karanda, thanks for sharing.
I appreciate that.
Thanks for being transparent about that.
Guys, that's scary.
I was like a week,
I wasn't even a week out from my mom's funeral
and I was due for my annual pap smear,
which I had always gone to all my life
and was, you know, always good.
And of course they do the breast exam during that,
you know, the manual breast exam.
And I was, I had started getting mammograms at 38 years old
just because I had health insurance
and they started covering it at 38 years old.
And I'm like, sure, why not?
No one in my family had breast cancer,
but I was like, sure, why not?
I started doing manual breast exams
since I was like 17 years old
because I read about it in 17 magazine.
And I was just like, oh, you know, let me do this.
So anyway, long story short,
I didn't have a doctor in Austin.
I hadn't had a gynecologist yet.
but I'd only lived here for two years,
but I'd been in Florida so much taking care of my mom
that I'd never gotten to have one
and it was time for my annual.
So I had a referral to a doctor
and the referral was from my doctor in Ohio
that was retiring.
And so the referral is gonna be for someone
who's retirement age as well,
because he knew her from med school.
So she was older and I went to her
and she had terrible bedside manner.
She was grouchy.
She was pretty rough with the pelvic exam.
And then I was explaining to her
while she was doing that about my mother
and she wasn't listening to me.
I was trying to ask her
if maybe I should start getting ultrasounds
because I have dense breast tissue
instead of just mammogram, blah, blah, blah.
She wasn't listening to me.
She wasn't hearing what I was saying.
And she started doing the manual exam
and she's like, oh, you have a mass.
You gotta go straight to diagnostic mammogram.
And I was like, what, wait, what?
Like it happened so fast and it was so scary.
And like I said, she was not friendly.
She was being very aggressive.
And I was like, what?
No, I don't have a mass.
I was like, that's just what my boob feels like.
Oh, well, I'm marking it down.
If you refuse it, then that's on you, blah, blah, blah.
So I leave, I'm like shook up.
My mom just died a week ago.
I don't really know what to do.
And so my husband's in the waiting room
and I was like, hey, I didn't have any health insurance.
I have to pay out of pocket for this.
And so I call the diagnostic mammogram place
and they just happen to have a cancellation
and an opening right there.
That was the Lord.
He didn't want me to have to wait weeks
and deal with this mentally, emotionally.
So I go in, they put me in the mammogram machine
and they do a mammogram.
And then I go into ultrasound, they do the ultrasound
and I just don't know what to think.
I'm just like, Jesus, take the wheel.
I have no idea what's going on.
And then they send me back to mammogram again
to get more scans, back to ultrasound.
I think I went to mammogram two or three times
because they couldn't find what this doctor
was talking about because there was nothing there.
I mean, it was breast tissue.
It was my breast tissue
because that's what my breast tissue looks like.
And so then they go to radiology and then they come out
and they say to me, Karanda, they say,
we've really tried because this doctor was really specific.
She said two o'clock, two inch mass, all this thing.
She gave really specific instructions.
And so they have to do their due diligence,
but they weren't able to see anything
but what looked like in their opinion, normal breast tissue.
And so they're like, it looks like normal breast tissue.
You can come back in six months and we'll check it again.
I'm like, I ain't coming back here.
I will not, I will see you never, you know?
Horrible experience, y'all.
And a lot of you have horror stories like that too.
And it's just like, mm, mm, mm.
So I have a great doctor here in Austin now
who I haven't been back, true to my word.
So that was over five years ago, six years ago almost.
It actually was over six years ago
and I haven't had a mammogram since then either, why?
Because I got traumatized.
How many of you got traumatized by something
and now you haven't gone back
and gotten any testing or anything done
and maybe it's crossed your mind, should I do that?
Do I need to do that?
What do I need to do?
Well, I have a great doctor here in Austin now
who Texas actually recognizes ultrasounds
as the preventative measures,
as preventative measures that insurance pays for.
And so I can actually go straight to ultrasound now
instead of having mammograms.
And guess what?
Ultrasounds don't have radiation.
And if they see anything, you know, interesting on those,
then I guess they would send you to mammogram.
But look at all the people's hands.
It doesn't even have to be about your breasts.
Raise your hands if you have had some sort of medical,
I don't even wanna call it malpractice,
but you have had a situation that has caused you
to now not want or trust any people in that industry.
Keep raising your hand.
We wanna see all the people that have been traumatized
by some kind of medical thing.
And maybe it didn't even happen to you.
It might've happened to your mom or your dad.
And then you were there for it.
And you were just like, oh,
and now it's made you like not wanna go to the dentist.
It's made you not wanna go to the doctor.
It made you not wanna go to whatever
because of that thing that you witnessed.
You guys, my mom was out of surgery
because she had bone cancer and, you know, breast to bone.
And she got out of surgery, had pins.
She was getting a pin in her leg.
She was getting her broken leg fixed.
And the nurse wouldn't listen to my mom.
In the ICU, my mom said, my bones are really brittle.
I have hot spots in my bones.
You know, you can't pull me up by my arms.
But she pulled her up anyway, broke my mom's arm in the ICU.
And my mom had to go straight back.
back into surgery for another eight, nine, 10 hour surgery to get a rod put in her arm
because this nurse was tired, didn't like her job, wasn't going to listen to what my
mom was saying.
And of course, I happened to be out of the room getting something when that happened.
And then of course, that makes you feel bad because if I was there, I would have been
like, you better stay in back lady and stop touching my mom.
But just so you guys know, there was about 41 of you out of 108 that had their hand up
for that.
Almost half.
All right.
Put your hands down.
So I want to pray over you.
Father God is pray for all your daughters right now that have been traumatized by health
situations that have been traumatized by false positive reports.
And then they were put through craziness because of it.
They were traumatized by doctors or nurses or medical professionals who had lost the
passion for the career.
Maybe never had it in the first place and treated them poorly, treated someone they
loved poorly.
I pray God that you would put people in their life that have answers for all of our health
situations.
People that have answers for anything and everything that we need to keep ourselves
healthy Lord.
You see what we need and you know how to get it to us.
So I'm just declaring over each and every one of those people that there are medical
people, functional medical people, MDs if that's what they prefer, dentists, nurses,
practitioners, a nutritionist, whatever it is that they need father, that you have those
people for them and that you are connecting them to those people in Jesus name.
Amen.
I also just want to declare over all of you that none of you, none of you will be drugged
down a road, a scary road of, you know, just, uh, hypotheticals about your health and be,
you know, some Guinea pig, um, in the medical industry, you know, with big pharma.
And so we just declare that in Jesus name.
Amen.
All right, go ahead.
Yeah.
Um, just on that note, I just feel like being part of this community, I have to share that
I'm, I'm a, I work for Dr. Pete Sulak, so he does holistic cancer healing.
And so there's a metabolic approach.
Um, and we've just seen incredible, incredible results with, you know, breast cancer, all
different types of cancer.
And so he has a free protocol.
So I don't know if there's anyone in the group that's dealing with anything with that.
I know the girls who shared, there is a doctor in Atlanta, Georgia named Jez Agoli, and he's
an amazing metabolic doctor if you want to look them up online as well.
So just in regards to health, if there's anyone that ever needs any support in that area,
um, you, you can message me on the group.
I'm in phase three, it's just Kate Whitney.
So I just feel like being a part of this group, this whole conversation, I talk to cancer
clients daily and we just see so many amazing testimonies.
So your body is designed to heal.
So I just wanted to share that if you guys need any support too.
And then there's that as well, your body's designed to heal, amen, your body's designed
to heal.
All right.
Um, Becky, can I ask some of you, some of you've already been down this road and you're
survivors of some kind of disease, you're survivors of autoimmune diseases of cancers,
you're survivors of metabolic diseases that are other diseases.
You guys are amazing, wonderful, incredible women that have the hand of God on your lives.
And God has plan a plan for every area of your life, including your health.
Go ahead.
Okay.
So I have to get glasses.
Um, and I've never worn glasses and I don't want them to look crazy because every, sometimes
we don't, sometimes people don't look great in glasses and I want to make sure I look
great in glasses.
Is there like a website or something or do you just try on a bunch for your face?
I personally would just go to Warby Parker and try on tons of glasses if I were you.
I mean, they're very, very helpful there.
They're very stylish people that work there.
Um, all of my glasses always come from Warby.
Um, and then you can find something like if you see something that you like there, cause
you know, they are pretty cheap frames and you want something like Chanel, you want some
Gucci, you want some whatever frames and you go to lens crafters and you maybe pick out
a frame that's like the same shape and style of the ones that you tried on there.
Also lens crafters is another option as well, especially if you have eye insurance cause
you can get some really nice glasses at lens crafters for the only place I don't buy glasses
cause I buy them at both those places, lens crafters and Warby is the doctor's office
because they mark those up, up, up, up, up.
So, um, but yeah, if I were you, I just go on and you know, Warby and a lot of places
like that actually have where you can pick out frames online if you're really busy and
you don't have time to get in and then they'll mail them to you.
You can try them on, see if you like any of them and, and ship them back.
They let you do that as well.
Obviously there's no prescription in them.
They're just frames, but they do that as well.
How do you keep makeup and like dents and stuff off your face?
Does makeup get on your glasses?
Do you have like dents or anything?
Yeah.
I mean, you know, you just use powder, honey.
You just pop your.
use powder, powder your nose, use powder. I mean, I don't take my glasses off when I'm out because
I can't see. So that really helps. Um, but, uh, but yeah, you know, just bake, bake, you just bake
it. And, um, are you needing to wear glasses to read? Yes. Yep. So you're going to be taking those
on and off and on and off and on and off. There's a lot of cute reading glasses. There's this one
brand that I get, I get ads for it all the time. It's like stylish reading glasses for,
you know, metropolitan women who don't want to look like they have readers on just Google that
just Google like stylish readers for women who don't want to look like they have readers on.
And I think that that brand will pop up papers, papers, papers. Cool. That could be another one.
I'm pretty sure that's not the one that I'm thinking of, but I'm sure there's tons of them.
So check them all out. All right. You guys, readers are a real thing. We get to an age,
you know, I had an eye doctor say that pretty much for your 40th birthday,
they hand you a prescription for readers because like, that's when you start needing readers.
And I'm happy to say, and do not get jealous of me, but I will never need readers because even
though I'm 51, because I have a type of nearsightedness that makes me be able to see
up close and read very easily. So don't hate me because you ain't me. All right. Now, seriously
though, I'm not good, but, but your bro, your boy, David, this is how he's reading things.
But my really true problem is, is that I can't read up close with my glasses on because they're
for distance. So I take them off all the time so that I can just read and then I lose them.
So if you want to pity me for something, pity me that I never know where my glasses are,
because I can see up close without them. And so I lose them all the time.
All right. Who else wants to say something fun? I have a question.
About Nicole, is any, is anybody having this issue with mature here, air,
mature hair? OMG. I am going out of my mind. Okay. Like hair loss. Like, tell us. No, it's,
it feels like horse hair. It's all of a sudden, no matter what shampoo I use, it's, it's course,
it's, it's course. It's horrible. Yeah. Mature hair that's turning course. Is it gray hair?
No. So I am gray at the top, but this was like, this is my long hair, like not my roots, my lens.
And, but the light. Okay. So, so hormones, right. Is what we're probably thinking is happening
because it's not the hair that's growing out of your head. We understand if that's getting course,
but you're saying the hair that's been, you know, this hair has been around for years.
Right. And all of a sudden I've had, I literally, it's about a month. I've had a good portion
cut off and it still feels course. Interesting. Anybody else, anyone else? I mean, because
remember this is old hair. This is old hair that she's talking about. That's all of a sudden course
and dry. So you haven't made any changes. You didn't move. You don't have different water.
No, you're not using different products. The only thing I did switch to, and I noticed that
it's a little softer. I don't know if any of you use the bar soaps, the bar shampoos.
On your hair? Yeah, there are bars. There's a couple of companies out. And it's they're,
they look like bars of soap, but they're for shampoo that makes it, I think it has coconut
water in it, rice water and like whatever. Do you ever do any masks on your hair? Like any kind of
masks? You might want to try doing one of those. You might want to try to go in the salon and just
have them do a mask on your hair. You can also buy those at places like Sally's and different places
like that. There's also a product by Red King called So Soft. It's it's just a shampoo and
conditioner, but it's either called very soft or so soft. And it it does make your hair really soft.
If you have thicker hair, you probably going to need something that has some thicker oils in it
in order to moisturize. But it just sounds like your hair is losing moisture for some reason.
And so you're going to have to put the moisture back in. And so drink a lot of water. And I've
been like my for you. That's all that's popping up is mature hair. I'm like, like, what is this?
I've never heard it in all my life. Well, you clicked on something. And and people are people
are giving you the advice of vitamins and supplements. I can heal your hair from the
inside out. People are saying try soaking it try sleeping in a silk cap.
All Soft by Redken is the product that I'm talking about,
professional treatment of K18.
And I know you can get K18 at Ulta,
you can get it at Sephora.
I do, I use K18 products.
Yeah.
If you guys have a favorite mask that makes your hair soft,
put it in the chat so that Nicole can see it.
This is, this is exactly women helping women.
Let's go.
Thank you ladies.
I had a question.
So my question is about confidence
when it comes to our bodies.
I've lost about 80 pounds.
I have a goal of losing about 50 to 60 more.
And I feel like my body-
First of all, congratulations.
That's amazing.
Everyone's giving you an applause.
But I mean, in true transparency,
I had a gastric sleeve surgery a couple of years ago.
For me, it was a great decision,
but I'm struggling a lot because when I,
I went through kind of,
I grew up in the church,
went through kind of rebellious period.
And when I was in my thirties,
I was one of those girls I know you talked about before
that kind of got bitter.
Like here I am in my thirties, still single, whatever.
I've obeyed all the rules and thank God,
by the grace of God, it was short-lived.
But the guys that were interested in me were interested
because I had very large breasts, which I still do.
But I kind of feel like my body's turned
into a melted ice cream cone.
And I know that eventually I'll have skin removal surgery,
but I keep thinking in my mind,
like I need to have that before I get married.
And I'm still probably at least,
six, seven months out with the rate that I'm losing weight
that before I can get that done.
So how, and my friends will say this,
even when I was younger, they would always say like,
I keep waiting for like this magic moment,
like a perfection to really put myself out there.
And how do I let go of that?
Like, do you have any advice?
First of all, the person that's gonna be in love with you
is gonna be in love with you, right?
And the person that's gonna be in love with you
is gonna be in love with the fact that you are trying
to become the best version of yourself,
that you're working on yourself, that you're in process.
And so, because you're a believer
and you don't believe in premarital sex,
this person's not gonna be seeing your body before marriage
as far as, you know, naked.
And I think that, you know, letting someone know
as you're getting to know them and you're attracted to them
and they're attracted to you, that, you know,
it's part of your story, that you've lost 80 pounds,
that you're losing more.
I'm sure they're gonna be really impressed
and just amazed at that.
We've had men in our program
that have lost huge amounts of weight like that.
And it's a real thing for people who have lost
a lot of weight to have to have skin removal surgery.
And, you know, the person that you meet
is gonna be very supportive of that,
very excited for you even.
And so you need to keep that in mind.
And you also might think about,
you guys, this is like a community situation, right?
So you might also might think about really dating someone
who's also experienced that as well
and kind of can empathize or understands that.
Because I know that a lot of people
that have lost a lot of weight are like in communities
of people that are supporting each other through this stuff.
And that may be a place where, you know,
you meet your future spouse.
So even meeting someone that actually really understands
the process that you've been in,
I think would be really cool too.
Yeah, for sure.
Thank you.
We have a really hot guy
that wanted me to match make him really good looking,
you know, really buff.
And I was amazed to find out that he'd lost like 150 pounds.
And he of course had already had
the skin removal surgery,
but you know, he had had to go through that entire process.
And then on the other side, he was, I mean,
you never would have known that about him,
but he shares that story proudly.
And I don't want to make lie of what,
you know, the women are talking about like mammograms earlier
and I'll be praying for the ladies who,
you know, are going through that issue.
But like my mammograms are like the easiest thing
in the world.
Like my breasts are just so floppy that I'm just like,
yeah, you know, flop it on the machine.
I'm good to go.
You're just saying that there's fat.
You don't have hardly any tissue.
No, I have a, I still, and I think that's great.
So at my highest weight, I was a 42 G cup.
Well,
I'm a 42, I'm sorry.
No, I'm a 38 triple D right now.
So, I mean, they're still very voluminous.
They're just not, you know, they're not as.
They're not dense.
Yeah, they're not very dense.
Yeah.
And even my mom, I have a wonderful mom,
but we went bra shopping one day
and it was so interesting because she's like, you know,
I don't realize how much.
but you've lost until, you know, she's seen me without a shirt on and she's like, I'll
pay for your, your, um, your breast lift, which is really nice.
At the same time.
I was like, if my mom actually made a comment about my boots, like they're bad, you know,
and I guess again, it was just, um, back when I was heavy, that was the only thing guys
were attracted to or my big boobs.
Good news.
You don't want to track that kind of man anyway.
I know.
I agree.
And just so you know, you don't have to go through weight loss to have saggy boobs.
It's called gravity, baby.
And you know, I mean, most of the ladies in here would raise their hands and say, yeah,
my boobs aren't looking like they used to look when I was younger.
Um, you know, trying to roll them up and stick them in the bra, you know, or got me them.
Yeah.
Try to figure out, try to figure out how to do that.
I call it pancake batter in a sock.
And sometimes that's just the way it is.
And look, if you guys are not afraid of surgery and you're okay with an elective surgery for
something cosmetic and it's important to you to get a breast lift or whatever, then I say
go for it.
You know, I'm not opposed to people doing something that really, really makes them feel
good about themselves.
Um, I'm not opposed to that.
I would never judge that.
So for those of you that have been thinking about, we had a lady who really needed to
get her bladder lifted.
Some people get their breasts lifted.
This lady needed to get her bladder lifted.
She had had, you know, several big children, like, you know, um, large, large babies and
her bladder had dropped in her forties.
It had dropped and she needed to get it like with mesh or something like pulled back up
and put back in place, pelvic floor dysfunction kind of stuff.
And we had a talk like this, a group like women's kind of talk.
And God just really spoke to her and said, Hey, it's time to do that.
It's time to go do that.
Stop putting that off.
You need to go do that.
And she did it and she was so much happier.
And then if I'm not mistaken, she got married.
So, so listen, ladies, let's talk about that for a second.
How many of you are in the late stages of perimenopause or menopause and you know that
because you're starting to have vaginal dryness, you're starting to have, you know, maybe a
little bit, feel a little hot.
Sometimes maybe having some dry skin or you're, you feel like your skin is aging fast.
Our sister who said her hair is getting dry.
That could be very much hormonal.
Raise your hand if you're in, you know, mid to late perimenopause or you've already crossed
over to menopause.
You no longer have periods.
Maybe you have your regular period still, but you know, you're just, things are not
the way they used to be hormonally.
You can feel that your hormones are changing yada, yada, shish, boom, bada.
You guys know, I don't have to list off all the things you guys know what I'm talking
about.
Keep the hands coming up.
Come on.
Keep the hands coming up.
And raise your hands.
Okay.
Only 30, 41, 42, 43, 44.
So about half-ish of the ladies in here are in perimenopause kind of towards the end of
it or they're in menopause.
All right, ladies, get yourself some vaginal estrad, estriol, estriol, it's a form, there's
three different forms of estrogen.
Okay.
Estriol is the form of estrogen that they would give you in a face cream to put on your
face.
I highly recommend this you friends.
Now you might be scared like, Oh, I don't want to get estrogen dominant.
I want to put too much estrogen in my system.
First of all, it's not systemic topical estrogen because the molecule is too big to break the
blood brain barrier.
It is only going to treat what it's touching.
Okay.
So get yourself some alloy, the company alloy.
I might even have a code because they gave me a code to share with people for a discount.
I use that M4 estriol face cream, huge difference in the plumpness of your skin, your skin.
So hydrated starts to fill in little wrinkles because remember we're aging because our hormones
and sun damage.
So stay out of the sun.
Put on some, put on a hat, put on some sunscreen, but also they have that estriol higher.
Okay.
I'm just going to tell you something.
I ran out of that face cream so I took the vaginal estriol and I put it on my face.
My husband is over there and goes, what?
I took the Vajayjay cream and I put it on my face because it's just a little stronger
than the face one and it's made out of the same thing as I figured, you know, what could
it hurt?
Um, it didn't hurt anything.
Let me tell you what.
All right.
Anyway, when people are like, Jackie, you look so young.
Well this might be the reason why I'm using the Vajayjay cream on my face.
All right.
up inside of your vagina. And what it does, once again, it doesn't get in your bloodstream. It
doesn't a little 11 doesn't live in the whole lump in this case, it's going to get in there.
And what it's going to do is it's going to start to rejuvenate the tissues. The tissues in your
vagina are very, very sensitive. They're very, they have lots of little estrogen receptors. Okay.
And what happens as our hormones start to decline is the vaginal tissue gets thin
and dry. Okay. So even using like some lube when you're having sex in the future, imagine yourself
having sex in the future. Um, that isn't going to be enough. Okay. Because it's thin. The skin
is thin in there now, and you don't obviously want to tear or have anything like that happen.
So it's not expensive friends. Get yourself some vaginal estrogen. A little bit goes a long way.
It's like a pea size amount that you put in there. I do want to warn you about some things
that they didn't tell me when you first start using it. And if you're having bladder issues,
it's going to clear that up. If you're having incontinence, why is it going to have incontinence?
It's because it's going to strengthen everything in there. All of the, all the tissues are going
to be strengthened. The reason why you're leaking when you laugh is because the stuff in there
is weak. Okay. So it strengthens them. It strengthens the tissues in there. Of course,
you might need to do some pelvic floor kind of exercises, some Kegels, but be careful with
Kegels, especially if you have, um, tailbone pain. If you have, uh, sciatica, you think it's
sciatica. Some of you have interstitial cystitis, which is irritable bladder. I would love to see
how many people have that. Put your hands down. Um, this will help with all of that.
This will help with irritable bladder syndrome. You have to go all the time. You only a little
bit of pee comes out. This will happen. This will help with that. All of that is hormonally caused.
Okay. And you put a little pea size amount. You put it like a week or two week or two every day
and then maintenance. And then just maybe once or twice a week. Um, but I will tell you, this is
what you're going to feel when you first start doing that. You're going to feel kind of engorged
in your vagina in the way that it just feels like there's something in there. Like you have a tampon
in there or something. It's just going to feel weird and full and that's uncomfortable, but that
uncomfortable feeling literally only lasts a couple hours after you put, you know, put the cream in
there and then it just goes away. But as soon as it happens and it's happening, I was like,
I was asking the internet, why do I feel this way? What's happening? So I just want to let you know
that that is something that some people feel. All right.
And you can put it on your face if you want. Cause I do.
So if my face looks like a vagina now, you know why?
But seriously. Uh, okay. All right. Anyone else have any other questions? We have nine minutes.
Okay. I have a question. You got, um, you mentioned vaginal, the vaginal estrogen.
Uh, so would you take that on top of HRT or instead? It has nothing to do with it. Okay.
Okay. Cause it's not systemic. So it's only going to work on the tissues in the vagina. It's not
going to get into your bloodstream and cause your overall estrogen level to go up. Now when you do
HRT, cause I have a patch on right now, ladies show you my patch and show you my patch. Find it
here. All right. Where are right here? Um, let's see if I can hop up. Can I see it? Nope. It's
right there. It's on my belly. It's on my fat belly. Okay. So I have a patch there and I change
it twice a week. It's estrogen and it's estrogen. It's not estrogen. It's not estriol, estriol.
It's not estriol. Okay. It's estrogen. It's a, it's a different form of estrogen. Um, and, um,
it has a name and I'm trying to think of what it is right now, but anyway, I'm on 0.75 of that.
And then I take 200 milligrams of progesterone at night orally. Now some women can't take it
orally because of the metabolites that happen. Meaning that when you take something orally,
your liver has to break it down. And some people's livers make the metabolites
of the progesterone and it gives them weird side effects. And that's,
that's a very small percentage of women. But if you're one of those women, you can take
vaginal progesterone. You can put a suppository of progesterone into your vagina. It gets to the
uterus. It protects the uterus. It does its job, but you are not feeling the metabolite effect
of oral progesterone. I don't have any problem with oral progesterone. So I take it. I take
that at nighttime. I take some magnesium at nighttime. My symptoms in menopause were hot
flashes, aching joints. I had such creaky joints y'all.
I felt like I was a hundred, a hundred thousand years old.
Okay.
When I went into menopause at 50 years old
and I was having dry skin,
I noticed that I was like aging faster than normal.
Like my skin was getting wrinklier,
like just out of nowhere.
I was having vaginal dryness.
I was having low libido.
Let's see what else?
Hot flashes, heart palpitations.
So having heart palpitations,
weight gain, especially in the belly, in the middle.
So those are all the things you guys that I had.
I had some crazy symptoms
and I went on 0.5 of the estrogen patch
and 100 milligrams of progesterone
and that worked for about a year.
And then I noticed that I was getting
increasing heart palpitations.
And so they had to take me up higher
and I was waking up like every other hour
or something at nighttime.
So you guys, please don't be afraid of HRT.
They've done studies.
The FDA was just forced to tell everyone that it was safe.
But even before that, there were so many studies,
so many studies showing that not only is this safe,
but it actually protects your heart
and your bone health and your brain health.
And it's very good for you.
And I have read the books, Why Estrogen Matters.
I have read The New Menopause.
I have read, there's another book on menopause,
all the leading experts and doctors.
I've listened to the podcasts
and I really think that if you need to look into it,
please let this be your signal to do that.
I just wanna add, then I had put it in the chat
that after listening to the session you had done on that,
it's when I started looking into it,
I had refused to before
and it's made a world of difference for me,
a world of difference.
So thank you.
Oh, I'm so glad.
You guys, I held off on it because my mom passed away,
not of genetic breast cancer,
but of hormonally driven breast cancer.
And so the book, Why Estrogen Matters
was really important for me to read.
The doctors that wrote that book, they're research doctors.
And one of them, his wife had had breast cancer herself.
And so just really showing that it really isn't related,
it doesn't have anything to do with it.
And it was just really powerful.
Guys, I do wanna tell you a big,
since we have been talking about breast cancer,
I do wanna talk to you
about what that Cleveland Clinic physician,
that's one of the most renowned hospitals in the country,
maybe the world, what they said,
the Cleveland Clinic, that that surgeon,
that's all she does is these types of surgery.
She deals with these types of patients.
When I asked her if I needed to have that testing,
she said, no.
And I said, okay, well, how can I protect my daughter
and myself going forward with this type of situation
that my mom is dealing with?
And she said, the number one,
the number one risk factor of breast cancer is alcohol.
Ladies, that glass of wine every day at night to unwind,
it is not harmless, it is very damaging.
So I really wanna encourage you to give it up.
They do not tell us how damaging alcohol is.
And they make us feel like
it's actually protecting us somehow.
Oh, a glass of wine is good for you.
It is not good for you.
Now, if you wanna drink one every once in a while, okay,
but there are people that actually drink alcohol
every single day.
And I'm telling you what that doctor said to me,
and she obviously is not, you know,
trying to get people to stop drinking alcohol.
She is just telling the truth.
And there has been some, there's been some science,
there's been some people talking about it.
But, you know, obviously alcohol is a billion,
multi-billion dollar industry.
You know how long it took them to tell everyone
that cigarettes were bad?
Because it's a multi-billion dollar industry.
So it's the American way, drinking is the American way.
So please protect yourself if you are going to imbibe,
if you are going to drink alcohol,
please think about only drinking it
very, very, very seldomly.
My mom was unfortunately married to a functional alcoholic
when she passed away,
and she had been married to him for over 30 years.
So their entire lives surrounded alcohol.
And even though my mom didn't wanna be a big drinker,
if she was gonna hang out with her husband
or go do anything with him,
there was always gonna be alcohol involved, always.
And her closest friend in the world, a woman,
also was a functional alcoholic.
So my mom was just surrounded by alcoholics.
Her father was an alcoholic.
And even though she wasn't an alcoholic,
you know, when you're around good time alcoholics,
people that like to have fun,
and it always involves having drinks,
we're going to the beach, we're going to the golf course,
we're doing this, we're doing that.
Matt, you know, we're going out to dinner, we're having a drink. Hey, why aren't you drinking?
You're not going to have a drink? What's wrong with you have a drink, you know, and I feel like
I feel like that is part of what happened there, honestly, and it's very, it's very, it's very hard.
It's very hard for a lot of people to turn down a drink, when their friend group are social
drinkers, or, you know, they live in a home with someone who wants to have wine or beer with dinner
after work, when you get home, just please be careful. And honestly, if you're going into
menopause, it's the worst thing for you, it's going to disrupt your sleep, it's going to cause
you to it's a it's a factor in osteoporosis as well, because it leaches, you know, minerals from
your bones, it just isn't good for you. Okay. I'm not going to become the anti alcohol person,
but I'm just going to let you know it's not. Okay. Got maybe time for one more one more comment or
question. Who's got something? I can keep that in mind, you guys keep that in mind when you're
dating people, if they have a lifestyle of, you know, social drinking, and like, that's what they
need to have a good time. Think about that. All right, keep going. Okay, Jackie, are you watching
that show age of attraction? I binged it because I've been on a lot of podcasts and the news and
stuff lately. So they asked me to comment on this stuff. In fact, I'm going to make a I'm going to
make some media tonight probably before I go to bed about the Bachelorette season that got canceled.
But yes, I did binge age of attraction. For those of you that don't know what it is.
It's an experiment. They put all these people like together in a like a social setting. And
they're supposed to pick someone to partner with. But they the only thing they're not
allowed to know about this person is how old they are.
So I binged it, because girlfriend's talking about it. I never watched those shows. But
did you see the scene with the girl and the guy and she was wanting to wait till marriage?
And absolutely. Because he was like, Well, what are we doing in the bedroom with our mouth if
we're not having sex? And it just really got me thinking I'm waiting for marriage. But I used to
have a lot of body issues. And so one of the ways I proved that I was like likable was I would hook
up with guys in other ways. Well, so I've been doing it different the last few years, of course.
And so I guess my question is, I get anxious because I do I am in a level three relationship.
He has been married before has kid all that. He's never waited before. It's a totally new concept
to him, but he respects my conviction. And so we're kind of in that same argument, I want to be
a little snugglier. And he's like, Well, but you're I don't get it. He's like, I thought you
were abstinent. Yeah, they were me of that guy on the show. Well, okay, so let's we got to fill
everybody else in. Okay. So this girl picks this man. And yes, he was aging. Well, but I guess I
guess that he was every bit of 60. I was given a thing. Yeah, absolutely. And so they get to reveal
their ages to each other kind of after they choose and they don't have to stay with the
person they like kind of make a promise, like a promise ring situation after they know each
other's ages. And he was 60, like 6260 6162, maybe 60. I don't remember. And she was 27. Y'all.
It's a 33 year age difference. Yeah. And she made it very clear before he promised ringed her
that she was and here's the thing. It's one thing if you're just abstinent and celibate,
but she used the God card. She said, I believe like, I promise God that I'm not going to I'm
going to, I'm going to change and I'm going to do things differently. And I'm not going to
have sex until I'm married. Is that okay with you? And he was like, all right. It's like,
I've never done that before. But yeah, you know, you're worth it kind of thing, whatever.
Now, when they go into their life together, like they start like being a couple outside of this,
you know, smaller space, just kind of like love is blind, except they've always seen each other.
The cameras are rolling, you can't see them. They're in their bedroom at this apartment that
they're sharing. But you hear him saying to her, you know, like, she's upset because he's obviously
taking it a little too far, as far as like, you know, like trying to take it to the next level
to probably intercourse. And she's like, I told you that I don't want to do that. And he said,
well, I'm confused. Because, you know, he's like, what do you call, you know, what do you call what
we just did? And she was like, oral sex. And he's like, well, that's sex. Like you're saying God,
but you're having sex. So you should have just said, I don't want to have intercourse until
I'm married. And he's absolutely right. Because please don't don't play the celibacy card. If
you're going to be a technical virgin, so to speak, you're you're willing to do anything
and everything except intercourse, because that's
just splitting hairs. That's just a legalistic mindset, like
trying to get around it, right? You're just trying to get a
loophole somewhere. And then he said something I don't care. I
don't know if you caught this, Dinah, but I thought this was
really, really powerful. And I was completely on his side. He
said, he said, he said, you don't want to have sex. He said,
then stop getting on top of me and grinding on me until you
have an orgasm.
That's where I began to feel convicted that I want my
boyfriend to be snugglier. And he's like, I thought you said,
I didn't even like that.
She was looking, this girl was straddled on top of him like a
horse. She was riding that man with her clothes on trying to
get off. And, and she did. And, you know, and then expecting him
not to want to have penetration and intercourse. Let's get real.
Okay. So, Dinah, you're very transparent right now. So when
you say cuddling, what are you talking about? Because when I
think cuddling, I don't think I don't think grinding. So talk
more about that.
I'm glad my boyfriend's not in this community. But like, when
we're kissing and making out, I'm kind of like surprised he
doesn't get a hard on I'm kind of like, surprised he's not more,
you know, assertive. And I guess my bigger question is trying to
do this the right way. You know, in this relationship, whereas I
used to be the everything but girl, I will admit it. Um, how
how do we know if we are a match with that kind of sexual
chemistry, and we're going to have like a similar drive? You
know,
hey, so you're saying that you're making out and he, as
far as you know, is not getting an erection of any kind?
I mean, we don't make out very hardcore, but no.
Okay. Well, how old is he? 45? Okay, well, yeah, it might take
a little bit more at 45. You guys, you have to remember men
sexually peak at like 27 years old. All right. And if you're
hanging out at nighttime, that's another thing. I don't know if
you guys know this, but you need to know this about men, let me
give you a little health lesson about men. testosterone is
highest in the morning for everyone. But for men that
matters, because we have a monthly cycle, they have a daily
cycle. Their testosterone is high in the morning, it's
peaked. That's why we call it morning wood. For those of you
that are offended. I'm sorry. That's why men have hard ons in
the morning, morning erections. And then it slowly declines
depending on how old they are, it might not have been very high
in the first place in the morning, but it declines over
the course of the day. And then it's at its lowest at nighttime
before they go to sleep. So a lot of times sexual activity
happens at nighttime, right. And so this is probably part of the
reason why men, you know, can't perform as well if they're not
young. So I keep this in your back pocket for when you are
married, you might want to have a little afternoon delight. You
might want to have a little afternoon sex, you know, maybe
even morning sex, a lot of people really aren't into it,
especially women in the morning, but you might want to take
advantage of that, especially over 50. Because in the evening,
we can't promise anything, we're not going to promise anything
after a certain age, okay. It may happen, it may not happen,
you know, it may be good, it may not be good. And so, so he's 45
years old, he definitely is way past his peak. And it's just
possible that you guys are not doing enough of anything to get
him to that level of arousal.
And what would you suggest? Like, should we keep it extra,
extra, extra PG kissing and holding hands only? Like, is
that your recommendation?
I mean, you guys how I mean, for everyone, there's a different
slippery slope. I really do believe in waiting till
marriage to have really anything that causes orgasm. And the
reason why is because we could get technical, like, oh, we're
not having sex, we're just rubbing on each other with our
clothes fully on until we have orgasm because it's fun. But at
the same time, anytime we are orgasming together, that level
of intimacy causes us to have some filters that get put on
about whether or not this person's right for us. And so
that's the biggest thing for me. I feel like that is why God
kept this level of intimacy for marriage, because I think it
does cause especially in our cursed state. So after the fall
after Eden, I think it really does cause us to overlook
things. It causes us to justify things. It also causes us to
maybe stay longer in situations that we don't belong in. And so
I really want to encourage you to not be causing any orgasms
with any part of your body at all in either one of you until
you guys have a covenant created.
And I do that if he needs to get testosterone or whatever, he
will do that. I trust that he will make sure that how long
have you How long have you been dating? Did you say? Level three
for one year?
What? Yeah. Level three for one year. Oh, this is your on
an off again guy, right?
We broke up one time.
Okay, all right, so what's the hold up?
Where are we going?
That's, we just started couples counseling last week
to get to the bottom of some stuff, so.
Okay, and I'm gonna get the show on the road.
I know, and I'm coaching with Renee,
so I'm work, trust me, I agree.
Okay, all right, we gotta get the show on the road
because, you know, holy and horny is a real thing, y'all.
And we gotta get moving forward.
We do.
Well, and my question is, like, when you,
it's a secular thing to say, but, you know,
like, oh, test the car and all that silly stuff people say,
but, like, we don't need to be worried about any of that?
I mean, you could possibly be married to someone who,
you could possibly, look, look, friends,
this is important.
We've had 1,600 plus success stories now.
There's impotence in those success stories.
There are people that don't have matching sex drives
or libidos.
There are people that are not sexually satisfied.
Please know that that can happen.
And what is going to be the biggest game changer
or the biggest depictor or predictor, I should say,
of marital harmony is whether or not you guys feel like
you can really talk about that, really talk about that,
talk about what can we do if, you know,
one of us isn't satisfied in our sex lives,
if one of us really can't perform,
or it's not as good as we thought it would be,
like, you know, maybe they can't last very long,
or they just can't get a hard enough erection
to even make it worth your while.
You know, there's all kinds of different things
that can happen.
You got to get creative,
especially if we're not making babies,
we can get very creative with sexual satisfaction,
but you're probably going to have to get over your prudeness
because it's probably going to, you know,
and if you're offended by this,
then let's go ahead and go there.
This is why it's a girls only meeting,
but it's probably going to require you to get creative
with your fingers, with your mouth,
with all kinds of different parts of your body
that maybe you didn't think were going to be employed
in the marital covenants.
And so, once again, you know,
sex is about intimacy, emotional and physical,
you know, the orgasm's the bonus.
Most people want to have one,
and they want to have it with their partner,
and they want to give it to their partner.
Most people want to give their partner that pleasure.
And so you'll have to get creative possibly
in order to make that happen
if we're having some sexual dysfunction.
And I just mean impotence.
I mean, mainly that, you know,
I know young couples that weren't able to have intercourse
really for years,
because it was just really uncomfortable for the woman.
She was a virgin when they got married
and just still doesn't feel good
to have anything up in there, all right?
These are people that struggle to even put tampons in.
Maybe they have a narrower vaginal canal.
It just doesn't feel good.
They might have a mental block to it.
Start praying if you feel like you could possibly
have a mental block to it,
because you've just been a virgin for so long,
and, you know, you can start to overthink it, right?
And then your body tenses up and kind of shuts down.
And, you know,
because we're told all kinds of stuff about it,
all kinds of stuff about what to expect.
And so please, please start to,
please know that God cares about this area of your life,
and you can pray about this area of your life,
and you can prepare for this area of your life.
And a lot of people ask me,
what about masturbation, Jackie?
And what about, you know,
sticking things inside of myself to get myself stretched out
and ready for this and all that?
Look, you do you, okay?
I'm not gonna tell you whether that's wrong or right,
because I will get emails.
No matter what I say, I will get emails, all right?
And so I'm just gonna tell you,
you know, go with your own conscience.
I do believe that sexual fantasy is the slippery slope
where we get ourselves messed up.
I don't think the action of, you know,
manual stimulation is where we get ourselves messed up.
I think it's what we're thinking about
when we get ourselves involved in that.
And you're like, well, what are we thinking about, Jackie?
I don't know, are you reading those spicy mom porn books?
You know, I just wanna let you know, Bridgerton is porn.
You're not looking at it for the costumes, my friend.
Bless you, okay?
But I've seen a few episodes,
because people are like, Jackie, watch Bridgerton.
And so I watched a few episodes, and I'm like, dear Jesus,
this is just Game of Thrones, but in a different era.
Because I also tried to watch Game of Thrones,
because it was so hip and happening back in the day,
and everyone's like, you must see Game of Thrones.
And so I watched it, and the first episode,
people are doing a doggie style,
and they're brother and sister!
And I was like, dear God, my Christian friends,
my pastor friends, told me.
to watch this show. You guys. And so if you ask me what can we possibly be fantasizing Jackie
about when we're masturbating? Well, depends on what you've been watching. Depends on what you've
been reading. You ask yourself that. I can't ask you that. You got to ask yourself that.
Okay. So once again, I can't even call it soft porn. I guess it's soft porn simply because we
can't see closeups of genitals, but friends, it is straight up erotic erotic eroticism at the
least important at the most. So please be careful with that. Um, if you feel like you have a very
small vagina and you want to get that, if you want to ask your doctor about that, like maybe you have
trouble inserting a tampon and you really want to find out about that. I want you to find out about
that. Find out what you can do in order to get ready for naked because sex is amazing.
When you're with someone that you love, no matter what kind of experiences you've had in the past.
And I believe that you're going to have an amazing intimate life with your future spouse,
but you still need to prepare for it. Okay. Jackie, I'm on LO right now. They
recommended that the Estreol cream and the oh, amazing cream. Have you ever tried the
oh, amazing cream? I've heard of it. Okay. Cause okay. Again, full transparency. I have
never had an orgasm in my life. Now I have, I stopped having sex very young, but I've never
had one. So I, I don't know. I just kind of get the cream. That makes me sad. And me too,
but I'm also not married. So I'm hoping. I have heard about that. Okay. So they said,
get on the cream and that's going to cause the blood to rush you guys. Just so you know,
men have erections ladies, because the blood rushes. I'm going to tell you all the things
that your sister and your mom didn't tell you. The blood rushes to their penises. This is probably
why when men are aroused, they're not thinking with their brains. Cause there's no blood there.
There's no blood in their brain. All the blood is now in their other brain, right? In their penis.
And so that's what causes the erection. And so if men have circulatory problems,
if they have diabetes, if they have other issues, you know, physical issues, that's probably going
to impair that area. Um, once again, hormones play a big part of this, but same with women
for women, you know, the, there's going to be an added direction of blood to basically our
erection, which is our clitoris. And the clitoris is going to be very, very sensitive. That's that
little tiny knob at the front of your vagina. It's going to be very sensitive. It's going to be very,
you know, willing to be aroused or willing to be stimulated. And, but a lot of times people
don't realize this. If your partner is not physically compatible to your, so case in point,
what Dinah was saying, if your physiologies are not compatible, like say, you know, he's not well
endowed, say that his penis is smaller than the average penis, or maybe it's not as wide as the
average penis then, or maybe you're, you have a short vaginal canal. Like there's all different
things that can happen to make it really not that compatible as far as that, you know, friction
rubbing against your clitoris and causing you to have, you know, an orgasm. And so that could be
part of what happens. And I heard a lot of women do not have, do not have orgasms. And I think
this is ridiculous. You know why? Cause there's lots of ways to have an orgasm and you should
be comfortable enough with your partner, with your husband that you just gave your life to
got, you know, you just, you just promise and covenanted in a covenant, you know, covenanted
to, to forsake all others for this person and all the things till death do you part.
And you can't tell this person what feels good. Let's get over our prudeness. There's different
positions that can get over physiology, not being good. With every word that comes out of our
mouths, my mouth, we're losing more people. All right. I don't care. This is girls. All right.
There's different positions. If you were raised to believe that the only position you can be
is flat on your back with him on top of you, but also known as the missionary position for some
reason, um, then glory to God. But there's lots of other positions that you can get into
that might work better for your physiology. And that's what you get to explore together.
That's what you get to. That's what you get to explore together after you get married,
what feels good, but you have to be willing to talk about that. Hey, that doesn't feel good.
Hey, I don't like that. You can even be in positions like this might be what our sister
Tiffany needs to do where he's behind you. Maybe you're on your side and you are manually
stimulating yourself, you know, while having intercourse in order to reach eventually reach
orgasm. There's all kinds of different things. So, you know, none of them are against the law.
None of them are against God's law. None of it. I promise you God's not like,
Oh, they're out of the missionary position.
Straight to jail.
That is not how it works, okay?
You got to discuss this stuff with each other
and find out what each other are comfortable with
because we don't want to bring shame
into our intimate life.
Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable,
say they want to try something
that makes you feel uncomfortable,
it makes you feel ashamed,
or it makes you feel dirty or gross.
It's a no.
And they should be okay with that.
And this is where porn really comes into play, friends.
A lot of times, especially men
that have had some kind of porn abuse,
will bring those ideas into marriage
and want to try things that, in my opinion,
should never be tried, like anal sex, okay?
That's a big one.
And so I'm just going to tell you from my heart to yours,
I do not believe that that is part of intimacy.
I don't.
I don't believe that these are parts of our body
that were meant to be used this way.
And I feel like it's going to cause physical,
mental, emotional, and possibly even spiritual
soul damage to you.
And so just because someone wants to try it
because they saw it somewhere
and they think it'll be exciting or fun
doesn't mean that you have to.
And you're going to know whether or not,
hopefully, you will be comfortable.
So Dinah has been in this relationship
for over a year at level three,
which is marriage-minded courtship.
And so pretty much between there and in getting engaged,
you should be able to start talking about sex
with this person that you're going to marry.
And we do that in Simbis, just so you know.
We have a whole section on sex,
a whole section on hot topics around sex.
We encourage people to talk about
how much they are excited about having sex with each other
and how many times they're expecting to do it,
have sex, have intercourse a week with each other.
That's all part of Simbis.
It's in the algorithm, actually.
We didn't even create it that way.
And then asking maybe also like,
what their past sexual history is.
You should already know
what their history with pornography is.
You should find that out pretty early in the relationship
so you know what you're dealing with.
Most people have seen porn of some sort, especially men.
And so you want to find that out
pretty early in the relationship
because you don't want to get into a situation
where you're in a sexual relationship,
married to someone who begins to exhibit deviant behavior
because we don't want that.
And I feel like if you ask the right questions,
you're going to know that way ahead of time.
And then you can make a decision
to not move forward with that person.
Now, don't be asking them on the second date, okay?
Don't be asking them on the second date.
Don't be asking them about their body count
when you first meet them.
We have to wait, ladies, until we are in a situation
where this relationship is getting romantically involved.
And that's where we can lightly bring these up.
And we can talk about what that looks like
to bring up some of these more intrinsic, deeper things.
Okay?
All right.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Jackie, would it be okay if I share a resource
related to just what we've been talking about?
I can send it to you directly.
I'm part of Institute for Sexual Wholeness,
which is the only Christian-
Why don't you just DM me?
Why don't you DM me first? I'll send it to you
and you can see if that would be helpful
to share with other people as a resource.
I'll send it to you.
All right.
Okay. Are you gonna send it to me right now?
Or you could just email it to us and, you know,
we can, we can talk about it.
We can talk about it.
Yeah, I'm gonna, should I just send it to your messenger
and just send it right now?
Sure. Okay.
Was this conversation sure?
Is this conversation helpful for anybody?
Raise your hand if you found it helpful.
It may have been a little TMI,
but it also needs to be talked about.
I feel like, you guys, I feel like the main themes
that Holy Spirit was trying to get across to us tonight
as a group were, you know,
we don't have to be afraid of the things
that are lurking in the dark
when it comes to our female health.
You know, all these things,
these diseases that try to attack our reproductive systems,
you know, cause that's what we're talking about.
We're talking about breast cancer.
We're talking about uterus stuff.
We're talking about female cancers,
female metabolic diseases.
We're talking about that.
In Jesus name, we declare that the curse is broken
and everything that's come against our womanhood
and everything that's come against our motherhood,
that we just declare that that stuff is broke off
in Jesus name and that we are free from that.
Right now, Father, we pray for your daughter, Karanda, Lord.
We pray, Lord, that she has a clean bill of health,
Lord, and there will be no more scare tactics, God.
There will be nothing else left to linger
and nothing else left to say, Father.
It'll be open and shut case, done,
and she can move forward with her life,
not waiting for six months or nine months or a year
or whatever it is.
We thank you for your daughter, Tiffany, God,
that you have her.
covered, and that you have always had her covered, Lord.
And you continue, God, to just take care of her and help her.
And for all of these women and everyone
who's ever had anyone in their family that's
dealt with something, whether there's
a mom or sister or a woman in their family,
we are not those women.
Father, we have not lived the same lives as those women.
We've not made the same choices as those women.
We might share some cells or some DNA,
but we are part of the lineage and blood of Christ Jesus.
And Father, we thank you for that.
We are not going to continue to live our lives in fear,
but we are going to make sound and wise, informed decisions
as Holy Spirit leads us, leads us
to people that have the things that we need for our lives,
for our specific bodies, and for our DNA, and for our journeys.
And so, Lord, you know what we need,
and you know how to get it to us.
And so, Lord, we thank you for that in advance.
Lord, we thank you, God, that sex is a gift
that you've given us.
Intimacy is a gift that you've given us,
including physical intimacy.
And we pray, God, that we will get the healing
that we need to enjoy it, that we'll get the information
that we need to enjoy it, that any of us
that have religious ideas, any of us that have fear,
any of us that have shame, that we're releasing this right now
in Jesus' name.
There's healing for those of you that have had abortions.
I just really feel that.
I just release healing over you in Jesus' name.
Father, God wants you to know that you are loved,
that you are seen, that you are known,
and so are your unborn children.
They're in heaven.
They're going to be part of your eternity.
No one's mad at you.
No one hates you.
You're not condemned for the rest of your life.
Those of you that feel like you might never have a baby
because of sexual mistakes that you've made,
or maybe abortions and different things that you've had,
and you feel like you don't deserve to have
this area of intimacy in your life be good,
or you don't feel like you're going to have healthy children
or good things happen to you because you just feel
like you deserve bad things because of these decisions
that you've made, and it's just not true.
Shame off of you in Jesus' name.
We declare that you have a blank slate,
that your sins have gone on before you
to the throne of Jesus, and they are under the blood,
and that you are free to love yourself,
and you're free to love others.
You're free to just, God loves your womanhood,
and you are free to just live the rest of this life
with the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
because God wants to remove your sin from you
as far as the east is from the west,
and he did that at the finished cross of Calvary.
He removed that curse, and anything that you've done
because of that curse, but you have to accept it.
You have to accept that it is removed from you,
and that you are vindicated, and that you are pure,
and that you are allowed to walk in righteousness,
the righteousness of Christ for the rest of your life,
and so, Lord, we thank you for that.
Bad things are not coming for us.
Good things are coming for us,
and we seal it all in in Jesus' name, amen.
All right, friends.
All right, let me look at this real quick
and see if this is, let me see.
I'll look through this, Elizabeth,
and thanks for sharing it, and if it's, you know,
if it's something that I think we can share in the group,
not that it was bad or good, but if it is something,
you know, I'll share some links.
I need to share some links
for some different creams and stuff anyway,
and you guys, you have access to each other in phase three,
so please, share with each other, okay?
That's what Girls' Night's all about.
Let's carry it on to the group.
Love you guys.
See you soon.
Bye, everyone.