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Okay. And it's going to be very interactive today, too. I'm really trying to, and I think

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it's going to be helpful. And a lot of what I think we're teaching today has to do with

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a lot of your questions. I'm trying to incorporate what we're teaching each week will typically

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be with what a lot of questions are as well. So, okay. There we go. All right. Well, welcome,

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everybody. It's 1 o'clock. It's March 31st already. It's Eastern Time 1 o'clock. It's

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actually noon here in Central Time. I'm in Texas. So, it is good to be here with all

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of you. I see a few more people jumped in. It looks like, is it Tiana and Nellie? Did

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I pronounce that right? Nancy, no worries. You're eating breakfast. So, you must be on

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the West Coast if it's still morning time where you're at. So, good, good, good. Mika

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is here with us. I just see her popping in. Awesome. All right. Well, welcome, welcome,

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ladies. I don't think I see anybody brand new. Oh, girl, girl, my girl Rosie's here. I love it.

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Awesome. Good to see you as well. I see Teresa here. Let me just get my computer back so I got

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my table here. Y'all, sorry. My hair is not looking so great today. Rolled out of bed to

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get my kids to school and I didn't really look at my hair this morning. All right. Well,

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let's go ahead and get started. Today, we're going to talk about, I'm going to kind of pray

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us into kind of what Jackie left with us for Supernatural Saturday. Did anybody not watch

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Supernatural Saturday yet? Gail hasn't yet. Oh, girl, you're going to want to listen to it. I

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think everybody else. Nancy, she hasn't yet. Okay. All right. Well, it looks like most of

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you all got on that. That's going to be good. Good, good, good. All right. Well, I'm going to

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pray for us here in a moment after I go over some housekeeping items. If you are brand new to

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phase two, this is Love Story Accelerator. I'm Carla Johnson. I'm one of the coaches here at

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Last Year Single along with Ebony. Ebony usually does the evening calls. I do this midday call with

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you all. I'm Carla Johnson. I'm a success story here at Last Year Single. So those of you that

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don't know me, so I've been coaching a little over, it's actually been over two years now.

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And then I was in the program as a single myself. So all the things that we teach you here in

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heartwork and then Love Story Accelerator are things that I was coached myself and had to

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do the rollercoaster ride as well. All right. So the ups and downs, the ebbs and flows

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of everything dating, I did as well. Okay. So yeah, if you're brand new, welcome, welcome,

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welcome. Continue to keep showing up ladies in the app. I really do love all the engagement that

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I'm seeing in there. Really, really good. And then just a gentle reminder, be looking at everyone's

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post. Encourage one another. Just refrain from the advice giving. Okay. Give encouragement.

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Don't give advice. All right. I know for some of us that's hard. That was always difficult for me

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when I was in the community. I just kind of have those natural gifts of teaching and advice giving.

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I don't know about you all, but for those of you, if you have that gifting of teaching,

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advising, counseling, if you're just kind of like just a mother at heart,

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you know, everyone always, always seemed to come to me with all of their,

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I don't like to say problems, but their challenges. They always wanted my advice,

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you know, as long as I can remember, even when I was young, when I was a kid, even in elementary

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school, it's like something about me just like, was like, here, just tell me what you're dealing

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with. And, and so that was just, it was natural. And so I just learned just to be able to encourage

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people. Like I just can, I can do that. It's just something that God has been able to give me.

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And so if you're like that, I know that can be a challenge. So, but the best way to reframe

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your thinking when you're here in last year single is you get to be in that divine

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feminine posture of receiving. So this is your community to receive.

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OK?

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So when you're posting something,

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you get to receive it, OK?

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And so what I will suggest, if someone's post sparks

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something in you where you feel like, oh, this

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is reminding me of a time, and this is what I did,

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go and make a separate post.

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This is really, like, this will get

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you to start reflecting on some of your stuff

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and saying, you know, there was a post.

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And I would even say, you don't even

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have to name the person's post, OK?

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Or you can't, whatever.

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And just say, you know, I could say something like, you know,

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Gail shared on the app the other day,

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or someone shared in the app the other day something

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that they were really challenged with when they went on a date

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with somebody about interacting with their date's family.

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And you know, it reminded me of a time where,

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and then I would go into how I experienced something

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and how I handled the situation and what God

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showed me in that situation.

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Now, God could be showing me how he did something

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positive in my life out of it.

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He could be showing me something like something positive

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and then giving me something to reflect on even more.

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So I want you to utilize each other's post that way as well.

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So I'm not saying don't, like, don't not allow people's posts

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to ignite something in you that you want to share,

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but put it in another post if it's recalling something

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that can be advice or something that God's done for you

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that he's having you reflect on.

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Does that make sense?

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Now, obviously, if you want to give encouragement,

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be like, I really love that you did this.

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This is awesome.

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Like, this encouraged me to get out and, you know,

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set boundaries for myself.

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Like, I was doing something, you know, similar.

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Like, I was having a hard time creating a boundary

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and telling someone that I didn't

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like the way that they were calling me sweetheart.

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And so when I read your post about how you just kindly told

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this gentleman to please stop using

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those terms of endearment and I would just

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prefer you to call me by my name until we've gotten

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to know each other better, like, I

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appreciate that you shared that because now I'm using that.

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That's encouragement.

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Thank you for sharing that.

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Keep doing that.

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That helped me, too.

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I appreciate it.

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That's encouragement.

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Does that make sense?

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I don't have very many ladies on camera today.

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Only got like one, two, three, four, five, five of you.

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Any of you are able?

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Thank you, Myra.

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You might have been eating.

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I wonder.

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I see you kind of like in your head, girl,

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you can eat in front of me.

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I don't care.

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It could be all like we're going to lunch or something.

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Maybe next week I'll actually have time to prepare my lunch

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and I'll just be eating, too.

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But I always get all my kids to not eat

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with their mouth full of food.

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And so if I did that, I could only

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imagine if they saw me eating and talking to y'all,

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they'd be getting on me.

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But by all means, you all can eat.

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And I won't yell at you if you are asking a question

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or talking and have your mouth full, OK?

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Just don't tell my kids.

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Don't tell my kids that I gave y'all a free pass, OK?

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Y'all aren't my children.

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That would be my explanation to them.

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Like, y'all aren't my children.

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So that's OK.

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All right, quick housekeeping.

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I think I got through most of it.

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And then I think we say this every week.

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We do have one-on-one sessions that

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are available if you find that just these group calls

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and what posting in the app just isn't enough

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and you want a full 50-minute one-on-one with a coach.

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So it's myself, Ebony, and we have several other coaches

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from other different phases.

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If you want to purchase that, that is available.

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That's under the Resource tab in your app, OK?

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All right, I was praying this morning.

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I was actually praying this morning with a friend of mine.

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And it really, I was sharing with them

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because they needed prayer.

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And I was sharing with them kind of what

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God was leading on my heart.

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And I was like, you know what, I really

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think this just doesn't work.

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kind of goes for a lot of people. And then it even reminded me of what I was teaching on today

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and what Jackie kind of shared a little bit, kind of all like morphed together, if you will. So

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I'm going to pull that up so that I can touch a little bit on all of that. And then we'll get

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started. Of course, when I need my computer to work, it's not going to. Okay. All right.

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Okay. All right. Heavenly Father, I just thank you. I thank you for this time.

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I thank you for this time with these ladies, Lord.

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I thank you that you are just such a wonderful father that just gives us

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such incredible words and such credible timing that you encourage us to push forward.

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That we can hear your voice, Lord.

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That even in those moments where things feel impossible or we're uncertain and we might not

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know what to do, God, that you just continue to call us to take imperfect action and that we can

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choose to be comforted by you and we can continue to walk in your joy. And so, Lord, I just thank

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you for that. I thank you for your joy. I thank you for the subtle reminders that you are right

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there with us. And Lord, I just thank you that you reminded me that you are not just

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the God that performed miracles in the past, but the God that you were in the past and the

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miracles that you performed in the past. You are the same God that you were then,

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and you are the same God now. You go before us. You are with us in the present,

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and you've been with us in the past. That, Lord, you do not waste anything.

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You're not gonna waste anything from our future that we have yet seen.

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You're not wasting anything in the current.

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And, Lord, I thank you that you haven't even wasted anything from our past.

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So, Lord, I just ask that if there's anything from our past, Lord,

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that needs healing, that we're carrying with us into this new season as these women are opening

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their hearts to dating, that if there's anything from their past and their past relationships and

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their past relationships with feeding, Lord, that you begin to reveal what it is that you want to

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heal from those past so that they do not interfere and hold them captive

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to what you want to do in their current and in their future.

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Lord, we can trust that you were with us in the past,

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that nothing that we experienced will go to waste, that any of the hardships that we had

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to walk through, that even the things that may not feel resolved from our past, you are still

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capable of giving us repair and resolve and reconciling anything that hurt us from the past,

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Lord, that we step into this new season and continue to press forward, that you are the

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tailwind behind us to move us forward into imperfect action, that even if it's imperfect

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and it's not that direction that we're supposed to go, Lord, that you will still allow us to walk

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into what we are called to do, Lord. There is nothing imperfect with your timing,

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that you are with us and you are for us, that you performed miracles back then and you're

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going to continue to perform miracles now, Lord, and you will continue to perform miracles in the

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future. And so, Lord, I just thank you for that and I ask that you just again allow your comfort

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and joy to be in this moment on this call with us today, allow the ladies to just really sit in that

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comfort, and know that you are with us as we reflect and we learn how to shift

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out of some of these negative patterns that we might find ourselves in as we

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you know step into this new season of dating and that you just reveal and heal

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us so that we can grow and learn new ways.

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So Lord I thank you for this time in Jesus name amen.

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All right ladies how is everybody? Good? See if we got some more people on we got

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a lot more people and that's good. All right I got Wanda and Mika they are

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gonna have questions. All right I'm gonna move us through as quick as possible so

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today we are gonna I'm teaching on some imperfect action of date when dating

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doesn't seem ideal. Okay we're gonna be shifting into positivity from negativity.

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All right so discovery dating is something that you're gonna hear us

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coaches say often if you if you've been in here for a minute you've heard us say

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discovery dating. Okay if you just got here get ready you're gonna hear us say

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it a lot. Okay discovery dating is not gonna be where we're gonna sit here and

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you're just trying to find a husband. Okay it's it's not about that it's

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really more about learning about yourself learning about what you like

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what you don't like you learn a little bit more about other people about how

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you interact with those people especially people that you know aren't

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like you that maybe have different experiences than you did growing up.

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All right they respond differently to things that you do. Okay we have

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different responses than other people. Okay we kind of learned a little bit

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about that last week. All right that some of us can have some insecurities about

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things some of us might respond to a situation differently than somebody else

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because some of us might be insecure about something or we might be more

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confident in one area and not so confident in another where another

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person might have more confidence in an area that we don't or we might have more

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confidence in an area that someone else doesn't. Okay so when we're discovery

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dating you're gonna you're gonna interact with people that are not like

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you. One because like I said not everyone has the same experiences that

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we did growing up. The big one as to why we don't react the same way and you're

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gonna have some different experiences ladies especially in dating is because

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you're a woman and they're a man. Surprise they're different so you're

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gonna have different responses. All right so my ladies that have been married

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before you ladies you ladies have had a little taste. The person that you're

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gonna be with and you're married to is gonna be way different than you. Okay if

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you've even been in a relationship before and it hasn't worked out guess

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what ladies there isn't a perfect man and it's not like oh the things that you

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didn't like about someone it's not like oh there's just someone that I'm gonna

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meet and I'm gonna like everything about them. Y'all I have a really good best

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friend of mine I mean we've been best friends for goodness like let's see her

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son is now 14 I think so 14 or 15 years. Y'all I love her with my whole heart but

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there are some things I don't like about her and there's some things that she

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doesn't like about me. Okay so even my best friend you're just not gonna like

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everything okay because we're all different. Okay so just keep that in mind

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so when you're discovery dating you're interacting with people that are not not

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you and so you're gonna learn a lot about yourself you're gonna learn a lot

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about other people. Okay but I want you to keep in mind that discovery dating is

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like our top priority with discovery dating it's not about fixing your dating

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strategies. Okay I know a lot of times you know we ask our dating questions and

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we want to know what what am I supposed to do now because we want to do it

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differently.

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Like, I used to do this, so what am I supposed to do now?

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Do I call him? Do I not call him?

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Okay, and you know, sometimes you ask those questions

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and we'll tell you like, okay, well, don't do this, do this.

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Okay, I see that, you know,

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I'm trying to do a little bit of a better job

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of not always responding like that.

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Okay, now some of them, it's like, oh, okay,

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I've worked with you long enough.

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I kind of got you, okay?

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Some of these questions though, ladies,

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are about utilizing the hard work tools

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that you've learned.

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That's why this community is different.

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That's why we have you in hard work first.

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If hard work wasn't important,

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we wouldn't have you do it first.

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That's the foundation of why Jackie talks

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about the 1600 plus success stories from our community

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because of hard work.

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That's the foundation, okay?

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So using those hard work tools

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is the top priority for discovery dating, all right?

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Because what shows up internally in your heart

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is gonna shape your dating experience.

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Okay?

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For some reason, my chat box is not scrolling.

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Okay, there we go.

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I don't know if any of you are chatting with me

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or with each other.

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Okay, so you're gonna often hear, like,

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Jackie say, what you believe you become,

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what you become, you attract, okay?

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So if your heart,

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whatever's showing up in your heart

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is going to shape your dating experience,

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it's also gonna shape your relationships.

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Okay?

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And then when, ladies, you get into marriage,

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like I'm in marriage,

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some of my heart stuff is shaping my marriage

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and I'm having to do some hard work in my marriage.

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Like, hard work doesn't stop, okay?

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So what's so fabulous about why you're in this program now

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while you're single is you get to practice this now

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and prepare so that you're even more ready

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when you do step in that covenant marriage

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with who God has for you.

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And so you're gonna want to have worked out

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some of this hard work stuff while you're single

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because you're not gonna wanna work on hard work stuff

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as a single while you still also have to do hard work stuff

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with a couple.

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You're gonna wanna get all your single hard work stuff

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worked on and prepared so that when you step in a couple,

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there's gonna be things that will come up there too.

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And that doesn't mean like I can't be in a relationship

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because I still have hard work.

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That's not what I'm saying.

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I'm saying, don't resist being open to hard work

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that's being revealed in this season.

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Okay?

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This doesn't mean, oh, I can't date.

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We're not gonna use it as an excuse not to date

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or to shut doors when God's not trying to shut doors

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but you're just like,

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but God, I don't wanna open the door.

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God, I'm shutting it.

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Like I'm shutting the door that you keep opening

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or he's sitting here saying,

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but I want some air in the house.

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I wanna open a window.

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And you're like, no, we're not doing that.

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Okay?

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We're being open to what God is allowing for us.

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Okay?

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So you're gonna hear Jackie say

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what you believe you become

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and what you become you attract

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because here's the thing.

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If negativity goes unaddressed,

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it's not just gonna be something that you feel, ladies.

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Negativity isn't just gonna be something that you feel.

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It's going to be something

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that will quietly shape your identity.

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Okay?

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I want y'all to spend a moment.

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I want you to think about the most recent time

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that you had a negative feeling around dating.

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Why don't you go ahead and share it in the chat.

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Okay. Ladies, I want to remind you that this is a safe place to be honest. Okay.

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This vulnerability, remember, it builds confidence. This is going to allow you to

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grow in community. This is a judgment-free zone. I love it. Some of you

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are like, today, this morning, awesome. Okay. Share with us what that negative

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feeling or thought was.

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Okay. Yeah, this is a judgment-free zone because guess what? Everyone here made a

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choice to partner with God on their love story. We're all in this boat. We're all

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in the boat together. We are all like rowing the boat together. Okay. So, we're

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not here to judge because guess what? We all are sitting here rowing. Like, we

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don't have any room to sit here. We don't have time to sit here and pull our

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00:26:09.360 --> 00:26:12.880
oar out and sit here and judge you with what you're doing over there with your

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oar because guess what? We got to be in here rowing. Okay. Because we're all

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rowing together. We all made a choice to partner with God. So, there's no judgment

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here. And then you're not here to compare your journey with someone else's

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journey because guess what? When you take your eyes off of what you're supposed to

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be doing, like, you're not like really able to focus on what you're doing, right?

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And you kind of get behind and that's not what God wants for you. He wants you

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focused on, hey, I'm doing my part with my community because I'm gonna sit here

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and focus on rowing my part doing my part because this is that's the best for

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this communities and we're all doing our part to partner with God. Okay. So, I

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00:27:04.000 --> 00:27:11.440
appreciate, you know, y'all putting in here. I love it. I love what I'm seeing

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00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:18.920
here. Does anybody want to be bold? I'll take like one or two people if you want

347
00:27:18.920 --> 00:27:27.160
to unmute and just share with the group your like negative feeling or thought

348
00:27:27.160 --> 00:27:36.760
around dating. Yeah. Okay. Go for it. I think my negative feeling is just even in

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00:27:36.800 --> 00:27:42.160
person like I just feel kind of stuck within myself like that I can't talk to

350
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men or go up to men and I just like I'll see a guy and I'll just immediately look

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down and it's something I've known about myself for a long time but I just I

352
00:27:51.800 --> 00:27:56.120
don't know how to change it like I just don't know how to be different. Okay. So,

353
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this negative thought of like I can't talk to men and I can't change it. Okay.

354
00:28:04.360 --> 00:28:08.360
Anybody else relate with that?

355
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I used to be really really shy when I was little like not just with boys but

356
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even with girls so I definitely resonate with that. I don't feel like my voice was

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00:28:22.080 --> 00:28:27.880
ever heard. I always felt misunderstood. I felt like I couldn't say anything and I

358
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was never gonna be validated like what I said didn't matter anyway so I had

359
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this belief that like I couldn't talk to anybody so I had to do some some

360
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hard work around that and and realize like what was the truth behind that like

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00:28:45.880 --> 00:28:51.000
what is God's like what's the lie what what does God say about me and that

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00:28:51.000 --> 00:28:56.080
started to help me build that confidence so and I can't sit here and say I do it

363
00:28:56.080 --> 00:29:02.720
perfectly there's still times like even in my my current situation there are

364
00:29:02.720 --> 00:29:07.840
times where I feel I'm scared to speak up about my feelings and my emotions

365
00:29:07.840 --> 00:29:13.360
because I'm someone who has big emotions and that's not always you know for for

366
00:29:13.360 --> 00:29:18.560
anybody that has big emotions that's like a highly sensitive person love

367
00:29:18.680 --> 00:29:27.000
saying yep that's me all right I'm with you sister okay like we we might have

368
00:29:27.000 --> 00:29:33.520
grown up where we've we've learned these patterns where it doesn't feel safe to

369
00:29:33.520 --> 00:29:38.120
share that and so you know I'm having to learn that even in this new season I'm

370
00:29:38.120 --> 00:29:45.640
like but I'm allowed to have emotions I'm allowed to have feelings I don't

371
00:29:45.640 --> 00:29:52.720
need to quiet myself down to have boundaries I can still speak up it's I

372
00:29:52.720 --> 00:29:59.040
have to be responsible for how I speak up and when I speak up and how I respond

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to people when

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00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.720
and I speak up.

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Like, those are all learning experiences

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00:30:04.240 --> 00:30:06.400
that are still rooted in some of the same things.

377
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Like, I might have gotten better at being able

378
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to have my thought and opinion,

379
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whereas before I didn't.

380
00:30:13.800 --> 00:30:16.920
When I was way younger, like, I was really shy,

381
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really, really shy, really, really scared to say anything.

382
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So, and like I said, it was not just men,

383
00:30:22.600 --> 00:30:23.600
it was women, too.

384
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So, that's a growing process.

385
00:30:26.280 --> 00:30:29.520
So, I can relate to you, Michaela,

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like 100%, so that's very common.

387
00:30:34.880 --> 00:30:38.240
That's not, I want you to understand, ladies,

388
00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:43.240
that these feelings and these negative thoughts

389
00:30:43.960 --> 00:30:46.320
a lot of times are normal.

390
00:30:46.320 --> 00:30:48.840
They're common, okay?

391
00:30:48.840 --> 00:30:53.040
You're not damaged, you're not any more different

392
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or ruined or anything like that than anybody else.

393
00:30:58.040 --> 00:31:02.040
We all are on this earth, we all have these challenges.

394
00:31:02.040 --> 00:31:06.400
We all live on a world that's cursed.

395
00:31:06.400 --> 00:31:10.080
We all face sin and things that just, you know,

396
00:31:10.080 --> 00:31:12.160
just can bring us down.

397
00:31:12.160 --> 00:31:14.520
And so, like Jackie said on Supernatural Saturday,

398
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like, whatever's happening around us,

399
00:31:18.160 --> 00:31:21.000
like, sometimes it can be sad.

400
00:31:23.640 --> 00:31:25.840
We also get to choose to be comforted

401
00:31:25.840 --> 00:31:27.480
and we can choose joy.

402
00:31:27.480 --> 00:31:29.920
We can just continue to move forward.

403
00:31:31.800 --> 00:31:34.040
And so, that's really what I want you, ladies,

404
00:31:34.040 --> 00:31:37.440
to be mindful of, okay?

405
00:31:38.720 --> 00:31:41.920
So, thank you for sharing that.

406
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:44.760
Thank you all for sharing that in the chat.

407
00:31:44.760 --> 00:31:48.560
So, I want you to be thinking about what you shared

408
00:31:48.560 --> 00:31:50.560
as I continue the teaching, okay?

409
00:31:50.560 --> 00:31:55.200
Because I do want us to, I want us practicing this

410
00:31:55.240 --> 00:31:56.760
because I want you, ladies,

411
00:31:56.760 --> 00:31:59.240
to start getting into this groove

412
00:31:59.240 --> 00:32:02.360
because I want you, ladies, to build this skill

413
00:32:02.360 --> 00:32:05.960
as you continue to date and you grow this muscle

414
00:32:05.960 --> 00:32:09.840
of utilizing heartwork in your dating life, okay?

415
00:32:10.960 --> 00:32:15.880
Okay, so, because many women are gonna probably,

416
00:32:15.880 --> 00:32:18.920
like, just like Mikayla,

417
00:32:18.920 --> 00:32:21.280
like, you're gonna relate to somebody.

418
00:32:21.280 --> 00:32:23.040
You're gonna find someone in here

419
00:32:23.040 --> 00:32:23.880
that you're gonna relate to.

420
00:32:23.880 --> 00:32:25.240
Maybe, Mikayla, you're like,

421
00:32:25.240 --> 00:32:28.320
oh, I have no problem talking to guys, you know?

422
00:32:28.320 --> 00:32:32.400
Some of you might be like, well, you know,

423
00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:33.960
on the other hand, you'll be like,

424
00:32:33.960 --> 00:32:37.240
on dating apps and you have these repeated experiences.

425
00:32:37.240 --> 00:32:39.080
Like, oh, I don't have a hard time talking to guys.

426
00:32:39.080 --> 00:32:44.080
My issue is, you know, I just keep having these dates

427
00:32:44.280 --> 00:32:46.560
with these guys that are creeps

428
00:32:46.560 --> 00:32:49.240
and they're just a waste of time

429
00:32:49.240 --> 00:32:51.080
and, you know, there's just no good men out there

430
00:32:51.080 --> 00:32:53.840
and, you know, I don't understand why this keeps happening

431
00:32:54.600 --> 00:32:55.440
to me.

432
00:32:56.520 --> 00:32:59.160
That could be a negative thought or feeling.

433
00:32:59.160 --> 00:33:02.840
Okay, we all have something, okay?

434
00:33:02.840 --> 00:33:05.240
What I want you to understand is that

435
00:33:05.240 --> 00:33:09.920
these thoughts feel protective,

436
00:33:12.240 --> 00:33:14.600
but they can create a filter

437
00:33:14.600 --> 00:33:18.800
that's gonna impact how you see and how you show up.

438
00:33:22.160 --> 00:33:23.000
Okay?

439
00:33:23.960 --> 00:33:26.200
Mikayla is trying to, she's like,

440
00:33:26.200 --> 00:33:28.400
I just, I can't change.

441
00:33:28.400 --> 00:33:31.600
I can't talk to men.

442
00:33:33.600 --> 00:33:36.240
I can't share my voice because, you know,

443
00:33:36.240 --> 00:33:38.920
I don't get validation or I'll say something stupid

444
00:33:38.920 --> 00:33:42.240
or, you know, they're not gonna find me attractive.

445
00:33:42.240 --> 00:33:43.600
I mean, that was always one of my thoughts.

446
00:33:43.600 --> 00:33:46.080
I never thought I was pretty, y'all.

447
00:33:46.080 --> 00:33:49.480
Like, I always felt like my friends

448
00:33:49.480 --> 00:33:52.440
were always, like, way more attractive than me.

449
00:33:54.160 --> 00:33:57.440
And I'm like, they always wanted to date my friends

450
00:33:57.440 --> 00:33:58.280
and not me.

451
00:33:59.120 --> 00:34:00.720
I'm like, why would I talk to a guy

452
00:34:00.720 --> 00:34:03.640
if all they're gonna do is ask for my friend's number?

453
00:34:04.640 --> 00:34:08.679
And so when I showed up with that thought process,

454
00:34:08.679 --> 00:34:10.360
that's how I showed up.

455
00:34:10.360 --> 00:34:13.239
I showed up, like, anticipating and expecting them

456
00:34:13.239 --> 00:34:15.199
to ask me for my friend's number

457
00:34:16.360 --> 00:34:17.440
because that was in my head.

458
00:34:17.440 --> 00:34:19.480
That was the thought that was in my head.

459
00:34:21.360 --> 00:34:22.760
Or if I show up thinking,

460
00:34:22.920 --> 00:34:24.560
that guy is just gonna, you know,

461
00:34:24.560 --> 00:34:27.239
just be inappropriate and all he wants is sex.

462
00:34:28.120 --> 00:34:30.040
So I don't even know why.

463
00:34:30.040 --> 00:34:32.159
I don't even know why I'm going on this date.

464
00:34:32.159 --> 00:34:35.440
Or I'm just gonna, you know, ask questions

465
00:34:35.440 --> 00:34:37.760
to find out if that's really what he wants.

466
00:34:38.719 --> 00:34:40.440
I'm not saying that we all do that,

467
00:34:40.440 --> 00:34:44.040
but subconsciously, when we have these thoughts,

468
00:34:44.040 --> 00:34:47.440
it's often how we show up, okay?

469
00:34:49.480 --> 00:34:51.280
And it doesn't mean that, oh,

470
00:34:51.280 --> 00:34:56.280
because I think someone is an inappropriate guy,

471
00:34:56.320 --> 00:34:58.720
it's because I thought he was inappropriate.

472
00:34:58.720 --> 00:34:59.880
So that's why.

473
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.560
he's inappropriate. No, that's not it. There are inappropriate people out there, y'all.

474
00:35:04.560 --> 00:35:09.920
Like, you're going to run into those, okay? And you're going to run into people when you,

475
00:35:10.880 --> 00:35:16.720
you know, talk to someone that they might not validate you. But it's how we feel about it

476
00:35:17.360 --> 00:35:24.400
and what we believe about how they respond that's going to affect how we show up

477
00:35:24.400 --> 00:35:33.920
as we continue to move forward, okay? So we start putting up this, like,

478
00:35:34.480 --> 00:35:37.680
like we put up these walls. We start protecting ourselves.

479
00:35:41.360 --> 00:35:50.720
Negativity just doesn't just reflect your experience. It starts to define your expectations.

480
00:35:50.880 --> 00:35:59.440
It will define what you expect others to deliver back at you. It will also

481
00:36:01.600 --> 00:36:06.240
define what you expect out of yourself or what you don't expect out of yourself.

482
00:36:06.240 --> 00:36:16.480
So one of the core principles that I want you ladies to anchor yourselves in is that behavior

483
00:36:16.480 --> 00:36:25.200
does follow identity, okay? You'll hear us talk about that a lot. You'll hear Jackie often say

484
00:36:25.200 --> 00:36:36.400
that. And so, internally, identity becomes this, I'm someone who has, who's had a bad experience

485
00:36:36.400 --> 00:36:46.240
in dating. Like, been there, done that, right? There's no, no aligned men out there for me.

486
00:36:47.120 --> 00:36:53.280
There's no good Christian men out there for me. There's no good Christian men out there for me.

487
00:36:53.600 --> 00:36:56.080
There's no good Christian men out there for me.

488
00:36:58.160 --> 00:37:04.080
We start internalizing that identity. Like, that's what we believe.

489
00:37:06.160 --> 00:37:12.400
And because that's our belief, our behavior is going to follow that

490
00:37:14.000 --> 00:37:20.800
belief. So we're going to show up guarded. We might disengage quickly.

491
00:37:21.440 --> 00:37:23.840
We might stop being open all together.

492
00:37:28.240 --> 00:37:33.760
Why do I even try? I'm not going to get on the dating apps again. I've already done that.

493
00:37:35.280 --> 00:37:41.280
There's no good men on there. None of those men are, are, are good, are, are, you know,

494
00:37:41.280 --> 00:37:46.240
they just want sex. You know, they say they're Christian, they're not really Christian.

495
00:37:46.240 --> 00:37:57.920
They don't even go to church. Right? Y'all, I'm saying this because these are the things that I

496
00:37:57.920 --> 00:38:06.800
said. I'm saying this because this was me. Keep that in mind. Okay. Like this, I'm not, I'm not,

497
00:38:06.800 --> 00:38:11.840
I don't pull this stuff just like, oh, you know, I'm saying it because I lived it.

498
00:38:12.560 --> 00:38:17.840
And so unintentionally, okay. It's not like I was intentionally trying to do these things. It's not

499
00:38:17.840 --> 00:38:22.880
like, cause I'm sitting here like I'm here, I'm showing up. Y'all, I was here for like over two

500
00:38:22.880 --> 00:38:32.160
years in this community. And I was like, but like, why, why, why isn't my man showed up?

501
00:38:33.200 --> 00:38:36.960
Jackie, you said it was married in 12 months or less. Cause that's what she, we used to call it.

502
00:38:37.920 --> 00:38:44.080
Okay. Married in 12 months or less. Jackie had been here 12 months. I ain't married yet. What's

503
00:38:44.080 --> 00:38:50.560
going on? Some of you might be like, it's last year single. I've been here for a year.

504
00:38:53.520 --> 00:39:00.880
I'm like, hello. So I did that, you know, it wasn't, I wasn't intentionally trying to do that.

505
00:39:00.880 --> 00:39:05.440
You know, I was like, clearly I'm like, I'm not trying to do it. Okay. I just,

506
00:39:07.520 --> 00:39:13.600
it was, I was just blocking the very connection that I actually desired. And I was just

507
00:39:14.240 --> 00:39:24.240
not aware of it because it seems scary. Didn't want to look at that stuff right away. And I get

508
00:39:24.240 --> 00:39:30.960
it ladies. Some of it is like, we've got to like really hand that over.

509
00:39:33.920 --> 00:39:40.320
But I want you to keep in mind, this is why we don't just address the dating behavior.

510
00:39:41.360 --> 00:39:48.080
We're going to address the beliefs that are underneath your behavior. So yes, I know you

511
00:39:48.080 --> 00:39:54.320
all come to ask the questions, but what do I do, Carla? But what do I do? Ebony?

512
00:39:54.320 --> 00:39:57.600
What, what do, what do I need to do? This is what he did.

513
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.860
but but but I I okay and I didn't send sometimes I'll be like okay well do this

514
00:40:07.860 --> 00:40:15.060
share this boundary well yes but I feel that I should do this too okay you can

515
00:40:15.060 --> 00:40:25.900
do that but why do you feel like you need to do that it's not wrong I'm not

516
00:40:25.900 --> 00:40:30.040
saying it's wrong I'm not saying it's right I'm saying what does it reveal to

517
00:40:30.040 --> 00:40:36.760
you how is it working for you one thing Jackie used to say to me and so many of

518
00:40:36.760 --> 00:40:44.260
us women that were or in the community when I was was single and used to oh my

519
00:40:44.260 --> 00:40:49.900
gosh it used to trigger me it used to actually I shouldn't even say trigger it

520
00:40:49.900 --> 00:40:54.100
really didn't trigger me I would say I'm actually just gonna say it offended me

521
00:40:54.100 --> 00:40:57.540
and I knew I could never say that it offended me because I knew what she

522
00:40:57.540 --> 00:41:06.940
would who here knows what Jackie says how does she respond when she says um if

523
00:41:06.940 --> 00:41:13.700
you're offended what does it mean go ahead and put it in the chat if you are

524
00:41:13.700 --> 00:41:18.980
offended by something what does it mean

525
00:41:18.980 --> 00:41:23.380
anybody you think about it

526
00:41:29.380 --> 00:41:37.580
keep going keep going keep going let's go ladies are you with me I only got a

527
00:41:37.580 --> 00:41:42.180
few people on camera now Rosie if you're driving do not feel like you have to

528
00:41:42.180 --> 00:41:47.780
respond girl do not get yourself in an accident y'all if you're driving do not

529
00:41:47.780 --> 00:41:55.300
you're driving do not do not respond okay don't do that I do not want to be

530
00:41:55.300 --> 00:41:59.340
responsible for any accidents here all right we got you need healing in that

531
00:41:59.340 --> 00:42:05.420
area it's usually a trigger from trauma it's about you there's an unhealed

532
00:42:05.420 --> 00:42:10.860
emotional wound I need to pray about it and ask God to help me work through it's

533
00:42:10.860 --> 00:42:17.060
something in you that bothers you I have heard of you are offended you easily

534
00:42:17.660 --> 00:42:23.220
manipulated okay there is a wound underneath it's an opportunity for

535
00:42:23.220 --> 00:42:29.340
healing you need more heart work okay I want to say you need more heart work we

536
00:42:29.340 --> 00:42:34.300
all like let's reframe that okay Kelly we don't need more heart work we're all

537
00:42:34.300 --> 00:42:41.700
gonna do heart work okay the needing part means makes it feel like there's

538
00:42:41.700 --> 00:42:47.020
something wrong okay I want I want to break that off of you I don't know why

539
00:42:47.020 --> 00:42:54.060
I get this sense of like I'm not quite fixed and that's not what that is okay

540
00:42:54.060 --> 00:42:58.220
but what it's showing you is there's a revealing that it's there's something

541
00:42:58.220 --> 00:43:04.500
there if there's an offense ladies you're tracking with me here okay it

542
00:43:04.500 --> 00:43:09.100
shows us an area that we've got a wound in

543
00:43:09.100 --> 00:43:15.980
it has more to say about what's going on inside our heart and less what's going

544
00:43:15.980 --> 00:43:23.260
on with the person that's saying it okay and so Jackie would often she would

545
00:43:23.260 --> 00:43:30.180
say things and I just be like oh my gosh like stop like I don't I don't want to

546
00:43:30.180 --> 00:43:38.980
address that you know like I just it would just totally bother me um so it's

547
00:43:38.980 --> 00:43:45.100
not about just addressing our dating behavior it's about addressing what's

548
00:43:45.100 --> 00:43:51.700
underneath it so I'd sit here and be like bringing things up you know and it's

549
00:43:51.700 --> 00:43:57.860
just you know anyway so I get it it's hard and so she would just you know

550
00:43:57.860 --> 00:44:01.300
point out things and I just didn't want to address it because I'm like that I

551
00:44:01.300 --> 00:44:07.340
don't want to do that I I don't that's just I'm upset by that I don't I don't

552
00:44:07.340 --> 00:44:15.820
think I need that and you know y'all she she gave me the space she'd be like

553
00:44:15.820 --> 00:44:22.060
okay well why are you doing that and I you know I get offended by it and like

554
00:44:22.060 --> 00:44:29.900
well okay well I have a choice God gives us free well she's never forcing me to

555
00:44:29.900 --> 00:44:35.580
do things so ladies when you ask us I'm not gonna force you to show up in a way

556
00:44:35.580 --> 00:44:46.860
that you're not ready to show up okay I'm here have a good day Lucy so yeah

557
00:44:46.860 --> 00:44:54.580
but if it continues to keep showing up and you kind of feel stuck it's it's

558
00:44:54.580 --> 00:44:59.220
highlighting an area that God's God's saying hey I want you to work on this

559
00:44:59.220 --> 00:45:01.980
what what

560
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:10.960
this revealing to you? Okay, so instead of asking, why is this happening to me? Ladies,

561
00:45:12.080 --> 00:45:18.960
I want you to start asking, what is this revealing to me?

562
00:45:22.880 --> 00:45:27.760
So when y'all come with your questions, like I'm always going to give you tips of like,

563
00:45:27.760 --> 00:45:31.840
hey, I might do this, or I might do that. Have you thought about doing this?

564
00:45:31.840 --> 00:45:35.680
Hey, when you did this, what happened? What were you feeling? What were you thinking? What

565
00:45:35.680 --> 00:45:42.480
were you believing? Because it's going to start revealing some things. All right.

566
00:45:47.280 --> 00:45:54.800
Because every interaction is going to be giving you some data. That's hard work.

567
00:45:54.800 --> 00:46:03.520
That hard work is what you take to God. In order to take it to God, you've got to surrender it.

568
00:46:04.240 --> 00:46:09.760
There's got to be supernatural surrender. And when we do that, guess what we get in return?

569
00:46:10.720 --> 00:46:19.680
Wisdom. That's the gift that God gives us. Wisdom.

570
00:46:30.240 --> 00:46:33.920
It's going to start showing you your patterns. It's going to start showing you your triggers,

571
00:46:33.920 --> 00:46:39.360
your standards, your growth edges, the things that are just going to start just revealing.

572
00:46:40.400 --> 00:46:48.640
Okay? It's going to allow you to sit and process through things. And ladies, it's not all bad.

573
00:46:52.000 --> 00:46:59.040
It's not. Because you're processing what belief you have, but then

574
00:46:59.840 --> 00:47:06.160
the goal is to also be processing what does God say to you? What's the truth?

575
00:47:07.040 --> 00:47:11.200
God's not going to sit here and reveal these things to you and then not sit here and share

576
00:47:11.200 --> 00:47:19.840
his truth with you. Are we just open to hearing the truth?

577
00:47:23.360 --> 00:47:26.320
And are we hearing God through a lens that's criticizing?

578
00:47:28.080 --> 00:47:31.280
Because maybe we've got some unhealed stuff with God.

579
00:47:31.360 --> 00:47:36.080
That was me, y'all. I'm only sharing that. I wasn't even going to go here today.

580
00:47:38.560 --> 00:47:46.160
I really struggled. I had a lot of unresolved anger and stuff with God because I didn't take

581
00:47:46.160 --> 00:47:54.000
accountability for some of my own stuff. I blamed God for a lot of it. And God was a good father.

582
00:47:54.000 --> 00:47:59.680
He's just like, okay, I'll take it. Because he was a good father. He was a good father.

583
00:48:00.640 --> 00:48:06.480
Because he was strong like that. He's like, I got it. He's like, you can give it to me. I told you

584
00:48:06.480 --> 00:48:11.520
I could bear it all. I could lament to him. And he's just like, okay, give it to me, Carla.

585
00:48:13.520 --> 00:48:18.800
And eventually he just showed me, he's like, okay, are you done? Are you done, Carla?

586
00:48:20.240 --> 00:48:26.240
All right. Are you ready for me to love on you now? Are you ready to receive my love?

587
00:48:26.320 --> 00:48:28.800
I mean, I just, I didn't know how to receive love.

588
00:48:30.640 --> 00:48:33.440
I don't work through that stuff. And then finally I was like, okay.

589
00:48:36.320 --> 00:48:40.480
All right. Yeah. Go ahead. Give me your best shot. Really. What's this love,

590
00:48:40.480 --> 00:48:47.040
love thing really look like? Okay. And then he, he was so gracious and was able to just

591
00:48:47.040 --> 00:48:52.080
slowly show me what that looked like. It's been a process, but it's, it's good.

592
00:48:57.200 --> 00:48:58.960
So I want you ladies to think like what,

593
00:48:59.840 --> 00:49:05.840
what feels like a negative experience can actually be part of your alignment process.

594
00:49:09.280 --> 00:49:14.640
It will feel, maybe it will feel negative in the moment, but if you actually walk through it,

595
00:49:16.400 --> 00:49:20.320
walk through that storm or that experience,

596
00:49:20.320 --> 00:49:22.960
especially when you are partnered with God,

597
00:49:26.560 --> 00:49:33.440
that storm will calm. He calms the storms of our hearts, ladies. He really does.

598
00:49:37.280 --> 00:49:42.400
I was going to do a breakout session, but I don't have very many of us on.

599
00:49:43.680 --> 00:49:46.640
And I don't know how many of us are that far on.

600
00:49:47.600 --> 00:49:52.000
And I don't know how many of us are that. So I'm going to just go ahead and open

601
00:49:53.120 --> 00:49:59.680
the floor to a few of you. If anybody wants to, I'm sure I have at least one or two.

602
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:19.000
that want to share what your negative experience was and what is being revealed to you?

603
00:50:19.000 --> 00:50:25.160
While I was teaching, did any of you take that negative thought that you had about dating

604
00:50:25.160 --> 00:50:31.920
and did God kind of download to you what He was revealing to you? Does anybody want to

605
00:50:31.920 --> 00:50:37.720
share that? You can go ahead and unmute.

606
00:50:37.720 --> 00:50:45.960
I think for me, the heart work was very good, although I've done a lot of heart work in

607
00:50:45.960 --> 00:50:55.720
a healing journey that I lead, but what really was key to me is, until you have friction

608
00:50:55.720 --> 00:51:03.000
against these areas that are sensitive to you through dating, I don't feel that the

609
00:51:03.000 --> 00:51:10.600
heart work can be really done unless you're in a situation that would have triggered you

610
00:51:10.600 --> 00:51:15.800
and then you address it. I mean, the heart work was good with tools, but in order to

611
00:51:15.800 --> 00:51:22.360
use those tools, I feel you have to be in certain situations, as negative as they might

612
00:51:22.360 --> 00:51:26.120
be, so that you can work the tools.

613
00:51:26.120 --> 00:51:34.240
Yeah, I love that reflection. It's kind of like, how is something going to get smooth

614
00:51:34.240 --> 00:51:38.880
if there's no friction? You can't smooth any rough edges if there's nothing that it's going

615
00:51:38.880 --> 00:51:46.480
to actually rub against, right? I mean, what's coming to my sphere right now is iron sharpening

616
00:51:46.480 --> 00:51:53.280
iron. You can't sharpen something unless you have the very thing that it's going to actually

617
00:51:53.280 --> 00:51:59.960
take to sharpen it. There's got to be some friction there. There's got to be some struggle.

618
00:51:59.960 --> 00:52:08.200
There's going to be a challenge. There's going to be some point of rubbing the wrong

619
00:52:08.200 --> 00:52:12.960
way or something. I love that. I love that word friction. That's a really, really good

620
00:52:12.960 --> 00:52:23.040
word. So Gail, what specifically do you recall? What was something negative that you thought

621
00:52:23.040 --> 00:52:29.320
and then God revealed to you in that heart work piece that maybe, how did it shift? What

622
00:52:29.320 --> 00:52:36.680
did God reveal to you that reframed it and then that you kind of worked on that you shifted

623
00:52:36.680 --> 00:52:40.480
from some negative thinking and now it was like positive and you're like, oh, that's

624
00:52:40.480 --> 00:52:45.440
what God was revealing to me and that's what I've learned from this. This is the wisdom

625
00:52:45.440 --> 00:52:52.760
that I came out of it. I came out with some of this wisdom once I surrendered this negative

626
00:52:52.760 --> 00:52:58.880
feeling and thought and this is how God has worked on healing certain areas. Can you share

627
00:52:59.440 --> 00:53:07.120
Yeah, there's a couple of them. I tested anxiously attached due to several abandonment issues.

628
00:53:07.120 --> 00:53:20.800
So when I was not getting immediate responses to texts, I was being triggered to the negative

629
00:53:20.800 --> 00:53:27.520
way. They don't like me. They don't want anything to do with me. They're ghosting me. Just about

630
00:53:27.560 --> 00:53:34.560
every single time I was totally wrong until I decided that it was my issue and that I

631
00:53:34.560 --> 00:53:42.240
needed to work on myself and do things and not automatically default to they don't like

632
00:53:42.240 --> 00:53:48.600
me or there, you know, there was always a reasonable answer when they did contact me

633
00:53:48.600 --> 00:53:55.120
why they couldn't, you know, and I realized I was overreacting and that was one point.

634
00:53:55.120 --> 00:54:03.880
The other point is my husband's cheated on me constantly. So I am currently seeing a

635
00:54:03.880 --> 00:54:14.800
guy that is very much an extrovert, very well-known and well-liked in the community who gives

636
00:54:14.800 --> 00:54:20.320
everybody compliments. So then I was like all of a sudden, okay, they're gonna cheat

637
00:54:20.320 --> 00:54:25.440
on me because they said, hey, you look nice today or they opened the door and I was just

638
00:54:25.440 --> 00:54:31.000
getting triggered like this until I realized that's their personality. It doesn't mean that

639
00:54:31.000 --> 00:54:38.200
every man's a cheater. So it was these kinds of things that I only realized how severe my

640
00:54:38.200 --> 00:54:43.080
triggers were when they were happening during dating. You know, I left the heart.

641
00:54:44.080 --> 00:54:51.720
So that's good. So ladies, do you hear how she's like, I was, I was cheated on in these

642
00:54:51.720 --> 00:54:58.080
past relationships. So I immediately assumed that's what was going to happen, but she's

643
00:54:58.080 --> 00:54:59.760
realizing, well, just because.

644
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.000
His personality and he knows people and he's being friendly and kind doesn't mean that he's going to cheat

645
00:55:06.540 --> 00:55:09.080
So now I'm going to ask you a question here

646
00:55:09.080 --> 00:55:09.360
Okay

647
00:55:09.360 --> 00:55:13.760
So this is where the coaching part will come in when you ladies are open to saying hey

648
00:55:14.120 --> 00:55:21.200
He's talking to all these people and I can I'm instead of her sitting here going to a negative feeling like hey

649
00:55:21.200 --> 00:55:23.400
I you know, this guy is

650
00:55:24.040 --> 00:55:28.760
Talking to all these people and I just you know, I don't really like that. I don't think it's respectful

651
00:55:29.480 --> 00:55:32.500
That you know when you're out on a date with me that you know

652
00:55:32.520 --> 00:55:37.200
You're going and talking to all these other people like I I want to you know

653
00:55:37.200 --> 00:55:42.320
I want to date somebody that's gonna give me it, you know, give me their undivided attention. I want to feel special

654
00:55:42.320 --> 00:55:44.000
I want to feel pursued

655
00:55:44.000 --> 00:55:50.820
It is it for some of you. This is gonna resonate ladies. Okay, and it's in it and if you feel offended guess what's because

656
00:55:51.560 --> 00:55:53.240
It's an unhealed

657
00:55:53.240 --> 00:55:57.360
Something that got work on. Okay. All right. I love you and I'm saying it out of love

658
00:55:57.360 --> 00:56:01.960
Okay, and again, I'm saying all of this because I've walked it. Okay, and I've

659
00:56:02.960 --> 00:56:07.760
Trust me. I was always like the one being like why is Jackie always calling me?

660
00:56:10.240 --> 00:56:17.160
So it's the well I just don't think guys should do this on dates and that's just not the kind like I

661
00:56:17.440 --> 00:56:19.440
have boundaries and I

662
00:56:19.680 --> 00:56:25.800
Miss I literally am saying this because this is how I this is how I responded. Okay, I had boundaries and you know

663
00:56:25.800 --> 00:56:33.240
I really just think you know, you know, I want I want a man to show me that they're interested in I I

664
00:56:33.640 --> 00:56:40.580
Just think you know when they're when they're having, you know, talking to other people whether it's a male or if it's a female Jackie

665
00:56:40.580 --> 00:56:42.580
I think

666
00:56:42.600 --> 00:56:45.800
You know cuz it doesn't have to be it doesn't have to be a female Jackie

667
00:56:45.800 --> 00:56:52.160
See how I would always turn it cuz I'm like, oh it could be a male but you know, it's it's not respect

668
00:56:53.160 --> 00:56:56.720
Jackie it's not respectful if you're out on a date with me and

669
00:56:57.800 --> 00:57:03.700
You're talking to someone else or another man or picking up a phone and whatever

670
00:57:05.080 --> 00:57:08.280
okay, but it would continue to happen and

671
00:57:09.200 --> 00:57:14.480
So it was this revealing because it was coming from a trauma responsive. I'm

672
00:57:15.560 --> 00:57:17.560
What if he's cheating?

673
00:57:18.240 --> 00:57:24.160
What if he's texting another girl what if he knows her what if he dated her what if like

674
00:57:24.200 --> 00:57:27.640
you know, he he sees her like y'all like

675
00:57:29.480 --> 00:57:34.120
What if he saves that person's name and it's you know, it's a guy's name, but it's really a girl

676
00:57:34.120 --> 00:57:38.880
I mean y'all us women could really take things and run with it. Okay, and

677
00:57:39.480 --> 00:57:43.960
So I love that Gail's like hey, I'm recognizing. This is a pattern

678
00:57:44.960 --> 00:57:51.960
I'm sitting here thinking. Oh, I have this past where I found myself in relationships with people that

679
00:57:52.640 --> 00:57:54.640
that cheat and

680
00:57:55.080 --> 00:57:59.020
so when they're talking to all these people

681
00:57:59.760 --> 00:58:05.280
The same feeling that I got when I found out my ex-husbands were cheating on me

682
00:58:05.280 --> 00:58:11.200
it feels similar or I'm scared to feel that same way again and

683
00:58:11.800 --> 00:58:15.640
I don't want to feel that way. So I'm gonna just go ahead and go

684
00:58:17.680 --> 00:58:21.240
I'm gonna get anxious or I'm gonna just kind of put things up

685
00:58:21.240 --> 00:58:26.400
I'm gonna cut and run or I'm gonna go over anxious and I'm gonna sit there and ask a bunch of questions

686
00:58:27.520 --> 00:58:31.880
Who like however we respond to those things? Okay, we're all gonna have different responses

687
00:58:32.280 --> 00:58:37.500
We're all responding to a feeling our responses might look different

688
00:58:38.180 --> 00:58:43.660
Okay, some of us might put up walls some of us might get over anxious some of us will sit and do both

689
00:58:43.660 --> 00:58:45.880
I was the lovely girl that just will do both

690
00:58:48.540 --> 00:58:51.740
So she's recognizing that she's like wait

691
00:58:51.780 --> 00:58:57.100
he's just a social person and is just nice and kind and so she's just learning like

692
00:58:57.860 --> 00:59:01.340
That's not I don't need to think that about him

693
00:59:01.700 --> 00:59:08.900
But now this is where the coaching piece is gonna come in because she's she's not sitting here focused on what do I do differently?

694
00:59:09.220 --> 00:59:11.220
So that he stops

695
00:59:11.780 --> 00:59:17.820
Talking to somebody he stops being friendly to people. Okay, cuz that's typically where

696
00:59:18.540 --> 00:59:24.020
The questions are typically well, I don't want to date this person. How do I get them to stop?

697
00:59:25.540 --> 00:59:27.740
Instead it's like okay. No, I

698
00:59:28.860 --> 00:59:30.860
Don't like this feeling

699
00:59:31.420 --> 00:59:38.860
So this is what I'm recognizing. Here's the truth. Not everyone's gonna cheat. This is not necessarily what he's doing

700
00:59:39.380 --> 00:59:41.580
but my question to you now Gail is

701
00:59:44.180 --> 00:59:49.180
When he does talk to people what have you shared with him I

702
00:59:51.740 --> 00:59:58.980
Have to say in the beginning of the relationship I would tell him that it would make me feel uncomfortable and then

703
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.880
But as I got to know him, I realized that his whole personality is, he's the EMT in

704
01:00:06.880 --> 01:00:13.000
the fire department, and his whole personality is serving, nurturing, uplifting.

705
01:00:13.000 --> 01:00:16.980
One time we were at a ball game and this lady was having a hard time getting up the steps

706
01:00:16.980 --> 01:00:21.840
and he was the first one down there, put his arm out so she could hold it and help her

707
01:00:21.840 --> 01:00:22.840
up the steps.

708
01:00:22.840 --> 01:00:28.560
I realized, you know, I need to change my perspective.

709
01:00:28.560 --> 01:00:34.480
As a former codependent, I was always trying to fix and manipulate situations so I wouldn't

710
01:00:34.480 --> 01:00:36.440
get hurt.

711
01:00:36.440 --> 01:00:38.360
In other words, I could fix them.

712
01:00:38.360 --> 01:00:47.640
And then through the practice of dating, I've realized, I've picked out good men, faithful

713
01:00:47.640 --> 01:00:48.640
men.

714
01:00:48.640 --> 01:00:56.840
He's a widower that's been mourning his wife for six years, faithful to the end.

715
01:00:56.840 --> 01:00:58.160
He's well-liked.

716
01:00:58.160 --> 01:01:04.440
I see the reactions of people when we go places that they're, hi Don, hi Don, and oh you're

717
01:01:04.440 --> 01:01:07.560
lucky, you got a man with a heart of gold and all this and that.

718
01:01:07.560 --> 01:01:11.480
And all of a sudden I'm realizing, you know, I need to fix me.

719
01:01:11.480 --> 01:01:13.800
I don't want to change him.

720
01:01:13.800 --> 01:01:18.280
Because you see the quality, you see the gold in him, and you're like, wow, that's a really

721
01:01:18.280 --> 01:01:19.600
good quality about him.

722
01:01:19.600 --> 01:01:23.080
I don't want to change that.

723
01:01:23.080 --> 01:01:26.400
But she's like, hey, this is making me uncomfortable.

724
01:01:26.400 --> 01:01:31.240
Now when you say that to him, like what was his response?

725
01:01:31.240 --> 01:01:39.680
He looked at me like I had four eyes, like seriously, like what's wrong with helping

726
01:01:39.680 --> 01:01:42.560
people and making people smile?

727
01:01:42.560 --> 01:01:43.560
What's wrong with that?

728
01:01:43.560 --> 01:01:44.560
You know?

729
01:01:44.560 --> 01:01:46.360
And he's just like, what do you mean?

730
01:01:46.440 --> 01:01:50.760
And if they respond that way, like typically that's probably a good thing because that

731
01:01:50.760 --> 01:01:57.720
means they are not at all on the same wavelength that you were thinking that they were.

732
01:01:57.720 --> 01:02:07.800
Like if they were in the thought process of cheating, they'd probably get really defensive.

733
01:02:07.800 --> 01:02:11.560
And like then start, you know, but he's just like, huh?

734
01:02:11.560 --> 01:02:14.480
Like, okay.

735
01:02:14.480 --> 01:02:16.640
And so that's good.

736
01:02:16.640 --> 01:02:22.080
And what happens is she's starting to learn how to communicate.

737
01:02:22.080 --> 01:02:23.080
Okay.

738
01:02:23.080 --> 01:02:24.080
It doesn't fix everything.

739
01:02:24.080 --> 01:02:29.360
That doesn't mean that all of a sudden she's just like, poof, that feeling just goes away.

740
01:02:29.360 --> 01:02:33.760
There may be times where, you know, they're going to continue to keep dating and, you

741
01:02:33.760 --> 01:02:38.400
know, and get, there might be another situation that comes up and out of nowhere, she's going

742
01:02:38.400 --> 01:02:41.600
to be like, oh wow, that doesn't feel good.

743
01:02:42.000 --> 01:02:46.560
And it might surface something else and she's going to have to communicate some more.

744
01:02:46.560 --> 01:02:47.600
And it's a process.

745
01:02:47.600 --> 01:02:51.200
Like that's when you're growing in relationship with people.

746
01:02:52.560 --> 01:03:00.160
And so that's what we want to work on is how do these relationships reveal things to grow

747
01:03:00.160 --> 01:03:03.600
us to get closer to one another.

748
01:03:04.240 --> 01:03:06.320
But first we're going to get closer to God.

749
01:03:07.040 --> 01:03:10.240
A relationship should draw us closer to God.

750
01:03:11.040 --> 01:03:15.040
And so Gail is going to draw closer to God and be going to God.

751
01:03:16.160 --> 01:03:17.760
God, what is this revealing me?

752
01:03:17.760 --> 01:03:19.360
What do you want to heal in me?

753
01:03:19.360 --> 01:03:21.200
What should I do differently?

754
01:03:21.200 --> 01:03:22.640
What are you trying to show me?

755
01:03:23.200 --> 01:03:24.400
Like, help me.

756
01:03:24.400 --> 01:03:25.680
What do I need to do?

757
01:03:26.880 --> 01:03:28.640
Do I need to communicate differently?

758
01:03:29.600 --> 01:03:34.960
How do I, I mean, that ladies is what you're going to walk in in relationship.

759
01:03:35.760 --> 01:03:37.520
You're going to see, and guess what?

760
01:03:37.520 --> 01:03:39.760
These men are not going to do it perfectly.

761
01:03:40.320 --> 01:03:42.080
I've been married two and a half years.

762
01:03:42.080 --> 01:03:47.360
My husband does not respond perfectly at all.

763
01:03:48.800 --> 01:03:51.040
There's a lot of things he does really well.

764
01:03:54.000 --> 01:03:54.880
Really, really well.

765
01:03:55.680 --> 01:03:57.200
There's some things that he doesn't.

766
01:03:58.720 --> 01:03:59.220
Okay.

767
01:04:00.320 --> 01:04:01.520
We're blending a family.

768
01:04:02.720 --> 01:04:04.240
We were both single parents.

769
01:04:05.520 --> 01:04:07.200
He had a wife that passed away.

770
01:04:07.280 --> 01:04:12.400
He was single parenting with no, like, it wasn't like he was trading his kids off.

771
01:04:12.960 --> 01:04:17.280
With a, with like an ex-wife, she was off the earth and it was just him.

772
01:04:18.240 --> 01:04:19.360
Single dad in it.

773
01:04:19.360 --> 01:04:19.860
Okay.

774
01:04:20.640 --> 01:04:25.120
And he really wasn't, she, she never really allowed him to be really involved

775
01:04:25.120 --> 01:04:26.960
anyway, when they were married.

776
01:04:29.120 --> 01:04:32.480
So his oldest was 10 years old.

777
01:04:33.040 --> 01:04:35.280
The youngest was seven.

778
01:04:35.840 --> 01:04:39.440
And then now you're fully responsible for these two kids.

779
01:04:41.040 --> 01:04:45.680
And I didn't come along until like four or five years after he had dated some

780
01:04:45.680 --> 01:04:51.040
other people in between there and bringing him in and out of their lives.

781
01:04:51.040 --> 01:04:53.360
Like there's some, there's some stuff.

782
01:04:55.040 --> 01:04:56.160
I was a single mom.

783
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.880
from the moment my baby came out.

784
01:05:03.840 --> 01:05:06.160
My husband, not my husband, he was never my husband.

785
01:05:07.360 --> 01:05:09.880
My son's dad left me when I was seven months pregnant.

786
01:05:12.160 --> 01:05:15.360
So I was single mom in it from the very, very get go.

787
01:05:16.360 --> 01:05:20.520
And, you know, my son did go to his dad's like every, you know, one night,

788
01:05:20.520 --> 01:05:24.560
every two weeks, you know, pretty early on when he was a few months old.

789
01:05:25.080 --> 01:05:28.080
But majority of the time it was I was the sole parent.

790
01:05:28.080 --> 01:05:32.640
Like there was not a whole lot of like working with him

791
01:05:32.640 --> 01:05:35.200
because there was a lot of boundaries that needed to be put in place.

792
01:05:35.200 --> 01:05:37.400
So I was just kind of in charge.

793
01:05:39.080 --> 01:05:41.680
You start merging these families together.

794
01:05:43.360 --> 01:05:46.880
Who y'all we don't do it perfectly.

795
01:05:48.760 --> 01:05:53.920
All right, I don't I don't show up always the greatest.

796
01:05:54.360 --> 01:05:56.520
I don't always love how my husband shows up.

797
01:05:58.120 --> 01:06:01.520
And then we've got kids that are 10, 14 and 16.

798
01:06:01.960 --> 01:06:07.000
And if any of you have ever had teenagers or have teenagers currently

799
01:06:07.520 --> 01:06:10.880
or you probably have been a teenager and you remember

800
01:06:10.880 --> 01:06:13.840
how you were as a teenager.

801
01:06:13.840 --> 01:06:17.520
Oh, y'all, let me tell you, OK?

802
01:06:18.640 --> 01:06:23.120
Like. We're not going to do it perfectly.

803
01:06:24.000 --> 01:06:26.560
There's there's going to be things that surface.

804
01:06:26.920 --> 01:06:30.160
And so it's that process of being able to go to the Lord,

805
01:06:30.560 --> 01:06:34.360
surrendering it to God and walking through and working it out

806
01:06:34.360 --> 01:06:37.560
with a partner in a relationship.

807
01:06:38.840 --> 01:06:41.760
And so dating is going to start revealing that stuff.

808
01:06:42.720 --> 01:06:44.960
OK, and know that you are going to have.

809
01:06:45.760 --> 01:06:49.440
So my girl, is it Edwidge?

810
01:06:49.480 --> 01:06:52.920
She she she knows she she got a 16 year old boy.

811
01:06:53.560 --> 01:06:56.440
Girl, I do, too.

812
01:06:57.120 --> 01:07:01.160
It's me, my husband had a disagreement last night with our 16 year old boy.

813
01:07:02.880 --> 01:07:05.400
Oh, Lord, there's something.

814
01:07:07.880 --> 01:07:10.720
And he was like our like.

815
01:07:10.720 --> 01:07:13.760
He I was just like, he's he's the child that we're like.

816
01:07:14.680 --> 01:07:16.880
He's like not.

817
01:07:17.120 --> 01:07:19.920
He was he was like, where'd this kid come from?

818
01:07:19.960 --> 01:07:21.520
He was like mature.

819
01:07:21.520 --> 01:07:25.520
Like, I mean, we really hit the jackpot with a 16 year old.

820
01:07:25.520 --> 01:07:28.320
But I don't know what has happened in the last like month or two.

821
01:07:28.920 --> 01:07:32.560
And everyone tells me 16 year old boy like boys

822
01:07:32.560 --> 01:07:35.120
when they go through this like stage.

823
01:07:35.120 --> 01:07:36.640
And you're like, you're going to you're going to wake up

824
01:07:36.640 --> 01:07:38.800
and you're going to be like, who are they?

825
01:07:38.800 --> 01:07:40.880
And everyone always says, don't worry.

826
01:07:40.880 --> 01:07:43.600
It's a it's short lived.

827
01:07:43.600 --> 01:07:45.120
They'll return.

828
01:07:45.120 --> 01:07:48.200
I'm like, oh, Lord, I need that to return very quickly.

829
01:07:48.560 --> 01:07:51.760
We don't need to know.

830
01:07:51.760 --> 01:07:54.320
So you get it. All right.

831
01:07:54.320 --> 01:07:56.880
So I want to get us off topic because I want us to get

832
01:07:56.880 --> 01:08:00.920
I want to at least have a handful of time to answer these five questions here

833
01:08:01.240 --> 01:08:04.640
that we've got hands up and I'm almost done here. But yeah, so.

834
01:08:05.600 --> 01:08:10.720
It's the process of being able to see what is it

835
01:08:10.720 --> 01:08:15.760
that God is revealing to you, and how are you going to apply it

836
01:08:15.760 --> 01:08:18.439
with a person now in relationship?

837
01:08:18.439 --> 01:08:21.319
And how are you going to now start working together?

838
01:08:21.760 --> 01:08:23.359
What's it going to reveal?

839
01:08:23.359 --> 01:08:26.240
Ladies, there are going to be some relationships that you get into.

840
01:08:27.200 --> 01:08:29.920
OK, some of you are going to be in level two relationships

841
01:08:30.160 --> 01:08:33.200
and you're going to be dating and then it's going to be going good.

842
01:08:33.200 --> 01:08:35.960
And then all of a sudden, like there's going to be something revealed

843
01:08:35.960 --> 01:08:39.720
and you're going to try to sort it out and communicate differently.

844
01:08:39.720 --> 01:08:41.920
And then they're going to like God's going to reveal to you

845
01:08:41.920 --> 01:08:44.479
like this person is not like they're showing up

846
01:08:44.479 --> 01:08:46.359
and they're throwing up some red flags.

847
01:08:46.359 --> 01:08:48.680
They're they're yellow flags are going to start turning red.

848
01:08:50.520 --> 01:08:52.399
And we're not going to be negative about it.

849
01:08:52.399 --> 01:08:55.439
We're just going to be like, this is what God protection is.

850
01:08:56.960 --> 01:09:00.120
And then you're going to get into some relationships,

851
01:09:00.120 --> 01:09:03.160
they're going to be some yellow flags and you're going to work through them.

852
01:09:03.160 --> 01:09:04.080
You're going to communicate.

853
01:09:04.080 --> 01:09:06.240
You're going to you're going to be going to the Lord.

854
01:09:06.240 --> 01:09:09.279
Lord's going to be revealing things to you and showing you what to do next.

855
01:09:09.279 --> 01:09:12.880
You know, you got us coaching you, trying some things out,

856
01:09:13.680 --> 01:09:16.000
trying some new ways of communicating.

857
01:09:16.000 --> 01:09:17.640
God's going to reveal some things.

858
01:09:17.640 --> 01:09:18.160
And guess what?

859
01:09:18.160 --> 01:09:20.680
Those yellow flags are going to turn green.

860
01:09:20.680 --> 01:09:23.080
And then you're going to continue to move forward.

861
01:09:23.080 --> 01:09:26.760
OK, and then then you when at some point, the goal is, ladies,

862
01:09:26.760 --> 01:09:27.760
that you're going to find someone

863
01:09:27.760 --> 01:09:30.000
that you're going to get into a level three relationship with.

864
01:09:31.319 --> 01:09:33.359
And it's going to get exclusive.

865
01:09:35.120 --> 01:09:37.600
And then that exclusivity is going to hopefully.

866
01:09:38.840 --> 01:09:41.200
Continue to grow, you you're going to see

867
01:09:41.200 --> 01:09:43.720
are things going green or things going to turn red

868
01:09:44.520 --> 01:09:45.760
because you're still growing.

869
01:09:45.760 --> 01:09:48.200
God's still revealing things to you.

870
01:09:48.200 --> 01:09:50.640
And then that might lead to engagement.

871
01:09:50.640 --> 01:09:53.080
Do you all know that we have a thing called Symbus

872
01:09:54.040 --> 01:09:59.160
that Jackie will offer if you all get into a level three

873
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.000
Marriage-minded relationship

874
01:10:04.400 --> 01:10:09.000
Raise your hand if you do not know what Simba says, I know my four five girls got their hands up

875
01:10:10.920 --> 01:10:16.160
Simba's is short for save your marriage before it starts

876
01:10:18.440 --> 01:10:21.360
It's like a premarital counseling

877
01:10:23.160 --> 01:10:28.880
Okay, I think Bethany and her husband will coach it now David and Jackie have done it in the past

878
01:10:28.880 --> 01:10:36.040
My husband and I took it with David and Jackie and so you take this like extensive evaluation and in that group

879
01:10:36.880 --> 01:10:39.520
like you go in with other couples and

880
01:10:41.240 --> 01:10:45.120
You start getting like down to the nitty-gritty and

881
01:10:46.160 --> 01:10:50.560
Really learning about some things about each other and like how you handle things

882
01:10:51.680 --> 01:10:58.640
okay about how you handle money and finances and kids and in-laws and you know chores and

883
01:10:58.880 --> 01:11:00.720
all sorts of things

884
01:11:00.720 --> 01:11:03.040
Okay, how do you handle a crisis situation?

885
01:11:03.960 --> 01:11:05.960
Like how do you handle paying bills?

886
01:11:06.800 --> 01:11:12.480
Who's in charge of of the chores? Are you like all the things? Okay

887
01:11:13.000 --> 01:11:15.480
So it's savior savior marriage before it starts

888
01:11:15.480 --> 01:11:21.840
okay, so and that's like for people that have been exclusive and they are in the conversation of hey,

889
01:11:22.120 --> 01:11:29.120
We are looking to get engaged or some people are already engaged by the time that they get into that program and that that course

890
01:11:29.640 --> 01:11:30.840
and

891
01:11:30.840 --> 01:11:32.760
ladies

892
01:11:32.760 --> 01:11:35.720
There's typically always couples that break up

893
01:11:38.600 --> 01:11:40.600
Because things get revealed

894
01:11:43.000 --> 01:11:46.880
You'll hear Jackie say that she's not just a matchmaker she's a matchbreaker and

895
01:11:47.880 --> 01:11:51.120
And that's not always a negative thing

896
01:11:51.120 --> 01:11:57.840
We want you but we're not gonna be breaking up people because they're not doing hard work and working with God

897
01:12:01.040 --> 01:12:04.720
You want to be partnering with him, okay

898
01:12:07.240 --> 01:12:09.240
That's important

899
01:12:10.000 --> 01:12:14.280
Because then you're gonna get in marriage ladies and guess what there's still gonna be things that surface

900
01:12:15.080 --> 01:12:16.760
like

901
01:12:16.760 --> 01:12:19.480
Unless you're someone that's like I'm just like looking to

902
01:12:20.240 --> 01:12:25.280
Get married to my spirit mate and oh realized. Nope. Not my spirit mate. I'm gonna get divorced. I

903
01:12:26.040 --> 01:12:32.160
Mean some of us have already been divorced before and we don't want that or we didn't choose divorce the first time

904
01:12:32.160 --> 01:12:34.160
We don't want to be put in a position of that again

905
01:12:34.920 --> 01:12:38.360
So let's go. We want to work through the hard work. Okay, I

906
01:12:40.000 --> 01:12:42.000
Don't know if we already left but

907
01:12:45.280 --> 01:12:50.600
Okay, so that's why it's important to really take hold of this ladies

908
01:12:52.920 --> 01:12:58.400
Okay, this dating is not about just keeping someone it's about revealing alignment

909
01:13:01.200 --> 01:13:04.640
Okay, if you're noticing a lot of negativity coming up

910
01:13:04.640 --> 01:13:09.160
It's it might be an invitation to pause some things

911
01:13:09.160 --> 01:13:15.240
It's not like I'm gonna quit but it could be I I just need to reset if there's some negativity

912
01:13:15.240 --> 01:13:18.440
that's really coming up and there's just this like resistance to

913
01:13:19.000 --> 01:13:25.680
Really be looking at things from a positive perspective and shift out of that. It's okay to press pause and

914
01:13:26.680 --> 01:13:28.200
reset

915
01:13:28.200 --> 01:13:30.200
spend time in prayer

916
01:13:30.240 --> 01:13:36.520
Journal through what you're feeling be coming into the community be open to surrendering this stuff with the Lord. Okay?

917
01:13:36.640 --> 01:13:42.960
But ask but you have to be willing to ask yourself what beliefs may have formed

918
01:13:43.480 --> 01:13:49.320
Through these experiences the ones that you're going through now and the ones that you have gone through the past

919
01:13:49.320 --> 01:13:55.800
Where does it feel familiar and I want you to begin to briefly replace those beliefs with truth

920
01:13:57.040 --> 01:14:01.560
because when your identity starts shifting ladies that energy is going to shift and

921
01:14:01.560 --> 01:14:04.840
Then the the dating experience is going to follow

922
01:14:06.600 --> 01:14:12.520
So I want you ladies to leave here this week

923
01:14:13.880 --> 01:14:16.360
With a few questions to reflect on

924
01:14:17.200 --> 01:14:23.120
Where has negativity started to shape how you see dating?

925
01:14:25.960 --> 01:14:27.960
What beliefs are you carrying

926
01:14:28.240 --> 01:14:32.920
What beliefs are you carrying that may not be true

927
01:14:37.440 --> 01:14:40.160
And how are you going to show up differently

928
01:14:43.080 --> 01:14:46.080
To trust that alignment is working for you

929
01:14:52.720 --> 01:14:56.640
Where is negativity started to shape in your dating

930
01:14:57.960 --> 01:15:00.960
You

931
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.240
What beliefs are you carrying that might not be true?

932
01:15:06.560 --> 01:15:11.800
How are you going to show up differently if you were trusting that alignment is

933
01:15:11.800 --> 01:15:14.560
working for you?

934
01:15:16.160 --> 01:15:22.200
I want you ladies to just sit for just a moment and remind yourself you're not

935
01:15:22.200 --> 01:15:26.880
behind, okay?

936
01:15:30.880 --> 01:15:37.520
Fun fact, if we did that, like if I did that, y'all, I would have thought I

937
01:15:37.520 --> 01:15:46.560
failed that marriage. Like, oh my gosh, what did I do? I've been like, oh my gosh

938
01:15:46.560 --> 01:15:50.640
Jackie, you're gonna have to fire me because I didn't do this hard work thing

939
01:15:50.640 --> 01:16:00.800
right because I'm not getting this marriage thing right. No, that's not true.

940
01:16:00.920 --> 01:16:08.880
That's just not true. God uses everything. He pulls all this out for

941
01:16:08.880 --> 01:16:16.880
healing, okay? The goal is not gonna be to avoid the negative experiences, all

942
01:16:16.880 --> 01:16:22.680
right? I know we don't like the negative experiences. It doesn't feel good. Patty,

943
01:16:22.680 --> 01:16:33.600
I know you're saying something, girl. Let me have it, girl. What you got? Oh, I was

944
01:16:33.600 --> 01:16:38.480
just saying that's my goal. I've had a lot of negative already, so I'm like let's not

945
01:16:38.480 --> 01:16:46.000
repeat that, okay? I feel you, girl. But here, I want you to take this, write this down.

946
01:16:46.000 --> 01:16:54.320
You're being refined and prepared. That negative feeling and that negative

947
01:16:54.320 --> 01:17:04.080
experience, it won't last forever, okay? Remember the God that did things in the

948
01:17:04.080 --> 01:17:09.560
past and performed miracles in the past? And we don't have those negative things

949
01:17:09.560 --> 01:17:15.040
anymore because God did something really amazing. He is the same God now and he's

950
01:17:15.040 --> 01:17:19.520
gonna be the same God in the future. Because guess what, ladies? There's gonna

951
01:17:19.520 --> 01:17:22.640
be things that happen in our future and we don't, we're not even in charge of

952
01:17:22.640 --> 01:17:27.640
that. We don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow. We don't know what's gonna

953
01:17:27.640 --> 01:17:30.360
happen five years from now. We don't know what negative feeling we're gonna have

954
01:17:30.360 --> 01:17:47.720
to experience in five, ten, fifteen years. What we do know is God, that even if we

955
01:17:47.720 --> 01:17:53.560
have to go through the trials and tribulations, we have a Father who loves

956
01:17:53.560 --> 01:17:59.920
us, who's for us, who gave us a son that literally has already defeated

957
01:17:59.920 --> 01:18:04.840
the enemy who has saved us

958
01:18:07.000 --> 01:18:11.440
and has won the battle.

959
01:18:15.000 --> 01:18:20.320
Like, whew, I feel, I feel that, ladies. I don't know about you all.

960
01:18:21.320 --> 01:18:35.200
Count it all joy, comfort and joy, regardless of what we feel. Y'all, my

961
01:18:35.200 --> 01:18:38.840
husband says this all the time. It used to drive me crazy. I don't even know if

962
01:18:38.840 --> 01:18:43.960
I'm ready to tell him that I'm even telling you ladies that I'm learning

963
01:18:43.960 --> 01:18:52.920
from him. So, it is our secret. Do not tell him this. My husband, this is what

964
01:18:52.920 --> 01:19:04.120
he says and I, oh ladies, it makes me cringe. He's like, feelings aren't facts.

965
01:19:05.120 --> 01:19:14.240
I'm like, yeah, but feelings matter. But he's always telling me, he's like, you're

966
01:19:14.240 --> 01:19:20.360
not supposed to allow your feelings to like make you decide what you're gonna

967
01:19:20.360 --> 01:19:25.360
like. He's just, he is, I am the overly emotional one. So, it's like because I

968
01:19:25.360 --> 01:19:29.600
have the like over emotion, I had to marry someone that has like no emotion

969
01:19:29.600 --> 01:19:35.480
because I have enough emotion for the both of us. And y'all like, Rosie's putting

970
01:19:35.480 --> 01:19:40.480
a thumb up, y'all like, ladies, and let me tell you, you marry someone that

971
01:19:40.480 --> 01:19:51.000
literally is like, he'll get to you. But I'm like, but he's, he's, sometimes, not

972
01:19:51.000 --> 01:19:55.920
gonna give him all the credit yet, sometimes he's right. We can't always

973
01:19:55.920 --> 01:20:01.400
just lead with our feelings. Our feelings aren't facts.

974
01:20:00.960 --> 01:20:02.960
Okay

975
01:20:03.840 --> 01:20:06.600
Have a good day Nancy our feelings aren't fact

976
01:20:07.880 --> 01:20:14.080
Okay, so we're gonna have those negative emotions. We're gonna have those but it's not fact

977
01:20:15.280 --> 01:20:20.520
The only thing that's fact is the the Word of God. That's truth

978
01:20:21.480 --> 01:20:23.240
so

979
01:20:23.240 --> 01:20:26.480
When we got our feelings we got to take our feelings to the Lord

980
01:20:26.560 --> 01:20:32.560
Like sometimes you know, I have to take my feelings to God because my husband does not understand emotion and does not understand my feelings

981
01:20:34.360 --> 01:20:38.280
He's having to learn welcome to the first couple years of marriage ladies

982
01:20:41.800 --> 01:20:49.600
We're two different beings, okay men and women are very very different. Okay, so you're not gonna avoid negative experiences

983
01:20:50.160 --> 01:20:54.240
Your goal is to become a woman that remains grounded

984
01:20:55.120 --> 01:21:00.480
Open and aligned through your negative experiences

985
01:21:02.480 --> 01:21:06.560
Because that is a woman who can receive love fully

986
01:21:09.880 --> 01:21:15.240
Ladies I'm living it. I lived it as a single. I lived it when I was dating

987
01:21:15.240 --> 01:21:18.200
I lived it when I was engaged and ladies, let me tell you now

988
01:21:18.200 --> 01:21:23.560
I'm living it as a married person and you all are gonna live it too as a married person and you're gonna be so

989
01:21:23.880 --> 01:21:30.400
Thankful and you're gonna feel so blessed like I cannot tell you how like I'm frequently

990
01:21:31.000 --> 01:21:33.000
reaching out to Jackie mean like

991
01:21:33.880 --> 01:21:36.800
Jackie I wouldn't be where I'm at if it wasn't for you in this community

992
01:21:37.520 --> 01:21:41.760
Thank you for being obedient to God and teaching the hard work

993
01:21:41.760 --> 01:21:44.120
Because this marriage thing ain't easy

994
01:21:45.520 --> 01:21:51.480
And I'm so glad that I have some tools on how to navigate this

995
01:21:52.680 --> 01:21:54.680
Because I got heart work

996
01:21:58.520 --> 01:22:00.520
Like I'm so so thankful I

997
01:22:01.840 --> 01:22:05.440
Get to walk now with a partner

998
01:22:05.520 --> 01:22:09.200
I get to walk now with a partner

999
01:22:12.040 --> 01:22:18.080
Who also loves the Lord even though he doesn't perfect action all the time

1000
01:22:24.080 --> 01:22:25.560
And I

1001
01:22:25.560 --> 01:22:33.000
Get to walk alongside this partner on earth and he gets to love me while I take imperfect action

1002
01:22:35.600 --> 01:22:40.160
And don't do it perfectly and we have a God that loves the both of us and loves marriage

1003
01:22:41.800 --> 01:22:46.120
That we both can literally surrender our marriage and each other

1004
01:22:48.160 --> 01:22:51.160
And ourselves to God and trust that God's got us

1005
01:22:52.640 --> 01:22:55.980
And ourselves and our family our kids and all of it

1006
01:22:57.280 --> 01:22:59.760
Like ladies, it's a good feeling. Let me tell you like

1007
01:23:00.640 --> 01:23:06.560
You are going to be so blessed and you are gonna be so ready and you're gonna be so prepared for that time

1008
01:23:08.800 --> 01:23:11.000
That God brings you your spirit mate

1009
01:23:13.360 --> 01:23:19.920
So don't be discouraged don't be dismayed because God's got you God's with you he's for you

1010
01:23:21.200 --> 01:23:27.640
You are in this season of preparing and you are gonna be so thankful in these moments

1011
01:23:28.480 --> 01:23:34.600
That you had to go through some negative feelings and negative experiences because it's just gonna have prepared you

1012
01:23:35.280 --> 01:23:37.280
for the next level

1013
01:23:42.160 --> 01:23:46.920
All right, my ladies that got questions I want you to type your questions in the chat

1014
01:23:52.440 --> 01:23:54.440
And then I'm gonna answer your questions

1015
01:23:54.440 --> 01:23:56.440
You

1016
01:23:56.760 --> 01:23:58.760
Sound good

1017
01:24:13.720 --> 01:24:18.880
You ladies ready to tackle all the negative experiences and all the

1018
01:24:20.520 --> 01:24:23.080
All the all the things all the

1019
01:24:24.880 --> 01:24:26.880
Challenges that come with

1020
01:24:27.720 --> 01:24:29.720
Dating in life

1021
01:24:31.360 --> 01:24:33.360
All right, Gail

1022
01:24:34.680 --> 01:24:38.880
Yeah, I need desperate help, okay, I made a choice

1023
01:24:42.200 --> 01:24:45.600
Last time local guy. Did you tell I

1024
01:24:47.240 --> 01:24:51.720
Did you tell the long-distance guy he was not the choice I told him

1025
01:24:51.720 --> 01:24:57.920
That he was only friend level that I was going exclusive for local guy

1026
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:10.120
But, both of them are still, he's being respectful of that, but as we were here, I'll give you

1027
01:25:10.120 --> 01:25:12.040
an example.

1028
01:25:12.040 --> 01:25:18.280
The long distance guy drove an hour, he found out I was in the, went to the hospital, and

1029
01:25:18.280 --> 01:25:24.880
he drove an hour, and he just texted me about a half an hour ago, check your porch, and

1030
01:25:24.880 --> 01:25:34.480
he left me a bag of food, homemade meals, candy, cookies, I mean, two big grocery bags.

1031
01:25:34.480 --> 01:25:35.480
Okay.

1032
01:25:35.480 --> 01:25:36.480
And he's constantly...

1033
01:25:36.480 --> 01:25:37.480
Let's stop you, okay?

1034
01:25:37.480 --> 01:25:38.880
Let's stop you so we can...

1035
01:25:38.880 --> 01:25:41.600
How did he find out you were at the hospital?

1036
01:25:41.600 --> 01:25:43.600
He's on my Facebook.

1037
01:25:43.600 --> 01:25:45.400
He's a friend on Facebook.

1038
01:25:45.400 --> 01:25:46.440
Okay.

1039
01:25:46.440 --> 01:25:53.240
And I posted that I was feeling blessed because the results were good.

1040
01:25:53.240 --> 01:25:58.040
But he keeps, he's been checking in with me.

1041
01:25:58.040 --> 01:26:00.600
As a friend, I'm going to always be a friend.

1042
01:26:00.600 --> 01:26:03.520
If you ever need anything, I'm there.

1043
01:26:03.520 --> 01:26:10.280
And then he popped the question two days ago, you know I really love you.

1044
01:26:10.280 --> 01:26:11.280
Okay.

1045
01:26:11.280 --> 01:26:16.280
And truthfully, both men are top notch.

1046
01:26:16.280 --> 01:26:17.280
Okay.

1047
01:26:17.280 --> 01:26:21.320
Hold that thought.

1048
01:26:21.400 --> 01:26:23.240
What did you tell local guy?

1049
01:26:23.240 --> 01:26:27.520
Did you tell local guy that you had made a choice and he was your choice?

1050
01:26:27.520 --> 01:26:28.520
That was...

1051
01:26:28.520 --> 01:26:29.520
Yeah.

1052
01:26:29.520 --> 01:26:35.680
When I texted a distance guy and said the choice, he was ecstatic.

1053
01:26:35.680 --> 01:26:40.000
He said that he was in the process of pulling away from me because he was not going to deal

1054
01:26:40.000 --> 01:26:41.600
with two men in my life.

1055
01:26:41.600 --> 01:26:42.600
Okay.

1056
01:26:42.600 --> 01:26:43.600
And he was going to make a choice.

1057
01:26:43.600 --> 01:26:48.560
Does he know that distant guy is still in contact with you and is still bringing you

1058
01:26:48.560 --> 01:26:49.560
gifts?

1059
01:26:49.800 --> 01:26:50.800
Yeah.

1060
01:26:50.800 --> 01:26:59.280
The gifts just arrived today, but the distance guy sent me a friendship card last week, which

1061
01:26:59.280 --> 01:27:05.000
I promptly showed the local guy, see, I'm getting a card from him.

1062
01:27:05.000 --> 01:27:06.520
You know, I guess we're still friends.

1063
01:27:06.520 --> 01:27:10.000
He said, that's fine as long as it's just friends.

1064
01:27:10.000 --> 01:27:15.360
But now I'm starting to get really confused because I do have strong feelings for both.

1065
01:27:15.360 --> 01:27:16.360
I do.

1066
01:27:16.360 --> 01:27:17.360
Okay.

1067
01:27:17.360 --> 01:27:18.360
Okay.

1068
01:27:18.360 --> 01:27:37.040
Gail, I'm going to ask you this, if, let me see, I've known local guy three months, tad

1069
01:27:37.040 --> 01:27:38.040
over three months.

1070
01:27:38.040 --> 01:27:41.360
I've known distance guy tad over two months.

1071
01:27:41.360 --> 01:27:42.360
Okay.

1072
01:27:42.360 --> 01:27:43.360
Let me, okay.

1073
01:27:43.360 --> 01:27:44.360
Let me reframe this.

1074
01:27:44.360 --> 01:27:45.360
Okay.

1075
01:27:45.360 --> 01:27:52.040
So let's say this moves forward to local guy, this moves forward to marriage or any marriage.

1076
01:27:52.040 --> 01:27:54.360
Let's say you get married to anybody.

1077
01:27:54.360 --> 01:28:01.800
What is your thoughts about married couples having friends of the opposite sex?

1078
01:28:01.800 --> 01:28:03.480
Okay.

1079
01:28:03.480 --> 01:28:09.160
Then why is it different in dating?

1080
01:28:09.160 --> 01:28:14.680
Well I thought in the beginning of this journey, dating for a discovery that I think it was

1081
01:28:14.680 --> 01:28:21.880
mentioned don't, you shouldn't be talking to two or three men and that's exactly what

1082
01:28:21.880 --> 01:28:22.880
I did.

1083
01:28:22.880 --> 01:28:31.000
I eliminated 20, 30 guys, got down to these two and then it was like not be exclusive

1084
01:28:31.000 --> 01:28:36.420
ideally until three months, which just happened with local guy.

1085
01:28:36.420 --> 01:28:40.160
So I, that's why I was, I mean, I couldn't make my mind up.

1086
01:28:40.160 --> 01:28:41.160
Couldn't make my mind up.

1087
01:28:41.160 --> 01:28:43.400
Now I've got to make the exclusive, but.

1088
01:28:43.400 --> 01:28:44.400
Okay.

1089
01:28:45.120 --> 01:28:46.120
Okay.

1090
01:28:46.120 --> 01:28:47.120
Now I'm going to go back to another question here.

1091
01:28:47.120 --> 01:28:48.120
Okay.

1092
01:28:48.120 --> 01:28:55.000
So when you went and told distance guy, Hey, this is just friend category.

1093
01:28:55.000 --> 01:28:58.960
Do you see how you still left the door open?

1094
01:28:58.960 --> 01:28:59.960
Why?

1095
01:28:59.960 --> 01:29:00.960
Yeah.

1096
01:29:00.960 --> 01:29:13.280
Because, because honestly, um, I care a lot about him and he's my go to guy.

1097
01:29:13.280 --> 01:29:20.120
Local guy is very busy, um, sees me six days out of seven.

1098
01:29:20.120 --> 01:29:26.880
Make sure he stops by to see me, but he's busy in his life and the distance guy, both

1099
01:29:26.880 --> 01:29:35.480
are retired and the distance guy, um, I reach out to him in crisis sometimes, like with

1100
01:29:35.480 --> 01:29:36.480
health.

1101
01:29:36.480 --> 01:29:37.840
I thought I had cancer.

1102
01:29:37.840 --> 01:29:39.400
They said I had something.

1103
01:29:39.400 --> 01:29:45.640
So what really started this going is the distance guy had stage four cancer, went through

1104
01:29:45.640 --> 01:29:48.760
a horrible time and is now cancer free.

1105
01:29:48.760 --> 01:29:53.240
So I immediately reached out to him thinking, okay, this is where I'm going.

1106
01:29:53.240 --> 01:29:57.360
And that's kind of how we really started chatting a lot.

1107
01:29:57.360 --> 01:30:00.040
And then he found out I ended up in the hospital through.

1108
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:11.360
via Facebook and okay okay so you've got some you've got some things that i want you to sit

1109
01:30:11.360 --> 01:30:18.000
and process okay and it is going to be really important that you get honest get honest with

1110
01:30:18.000 --> 01:30:22.960
yourself get honest with god get honest with us as your coaches okay remember there's no judgment

1111
01:30:22.960 --> 01:30:29.520
here okay i'm i'm coaching this all out of love just i want you to hear that i want you to hear

1112
01:30:29.520 --> 01:30:41.360
my heart in that okay i really do want you to ask like what what is this revealing to you like what

1113
01:30:41.360 --> 01:30:49.520
are you believing because you told me the local guy he's there he sees you six times

1114
01:30:50.240 --> 01:31:00.480
a week but he's busy but distance guy you're reaching out to him and you like that too

1115
01:31:01.760 --> 01:31:06.480
well he reaches out to me just as much as i reach out to him but just since this last crisis

1116
01:31:06.480 --> 01:31:11.520
hold on hold on i'm not talking about him reaching out to you i'm talking about what's it do with

1117
01:31:12.080 --> 01:31:19.440
for you okay i want you to look inward we're not going to look outward we're looking inward

1118
01:31:20.400 --> 01:31:24.000
this is where we're going to get we're going to get real honest with ourselves

1119
01:31:24.800 --> 01:31:27.600
what is god wanting a highlight

1120
01:31:31.600 --> 01:31:40.080
is it FOMO i don't know so again i process it okay i want you to sit and i really want you

1121
01:31:40.080 --> 01:31:47.200
to pray about it sit and go through the process really ask god god what what are you trying to

1122
01:31:47.200 --> 01:31:53.200
reveal to me i want you to sit and think about ladies and now i'm now i'm going to coach to the

1123
01:31:53.200 --> 01:31:57.440
group okay and these are going to be things and what i want you to hear me when i say this

1124
01:31:58.640 --> 01:32:04.640
there's no right or wrongs these are guardrails and i want you okay so some of the things that

1125
01:32:04.640 --> 01:32:08.400
you you made choices about i want you to think about why you made the choice

1126
01:32:08.960 --> 01:32:15.360
to be a that have him be your friend on facebook because now you've opened the door for personal

1127
01:32:15.360 --> 01:32:21.440
relationship okay now he can see if you're posting that you're in the hospital i mean these are

1128
01:32:21.440 --> 01:32:28.640
this is it's that's a private thing and now someone you've known only just a couple months now

1129
01:32:29.200 --> 01:32:35.040
as an open door to know some personal information and you just told him hey i only see you as a

1130
01:32:35.040 --> 01:32:42.800
friend which again i want you to ask yourself why are you still keeping a door open for you

1131
01:32:42.800 --> 01:32:50.000
you had two choices you said okay i'm going to choose the local guy you didn't close the door

1132
01:32:50.320 --> 01:32:59.840
to distance you left it cracked you just told me that in a marriage you don't think that

1133
01:33:00.880 --> 01:33:03.760
you know a husband and wife need to have friends of the opposite sex

1134
01:33:04.880 --> 01:33:10.560
it's really no different in an exclusive relationship but you just left the crack

1135
01:33:10.560 --> 01:33:14.480
you left the door open yeah there's a crack there so i want you to really process like

1136
01:33:15.280 --> 01:33:22.000
what led like what were you believing what was the feeling what was the fear

1137
01:33:23.600 --> 01:33:30.800
that you felt if you shut it all the way and shut it and locked it what was the fear if you

1138
01:33:30.800 --> 01:33:38.000
if you locked it and threw away the key what was the fear as to why you didn't close it all the way

1139
01:33:38.960 --> 01:33:47.360
process that ask god what was that okay and then to kind of go back ladies to this

1140
01:33:48.400 --> 01:33:56.720
discovery dating yes you're going to talk to multiple men at those early levels okay you're

1141
01:33:56.720 --> 01:34:03.680
sitting here trying to figure out like what do i like what do i not like okay i'm thinking a lot

1142
01:34:03.680 --> 01:34:09.520
of what kind of led you to kind of hang on to these two two guys and maybe a few others

1143
01:34:10.800 --> 01:34:18.720
is something that you were believing that was there was a fear of having to let go of something

1144
01:34:19.760 --> 01:34:27.040
so no we we don't want you to get super close to two or three or four different guys at the same

1145
01:34:27.040 --> 01:34:34.320
time the the dating multiple people is in those early stages after a few months of getting to know

1146
01:34:35.200 --> 01:34:41.840
and having some revealing of okay why is this difficult why can't this is when we have that

1147
01:34:41.840 --> 01:34:48.640
responsibility to surrender to god and say okay i need some revealing for healing here what what

1148
01:34:49.200 --> 01:34:54.640
why is this as hard like lord what do you want to show me okay there's and you didn't do anything

1149
01:34:54.640 --> 01:34:59.920
wrong this is just the process okay every promise has a process

1150
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:07.960
Okay, you're gonna grow and you're gonna learn from this and then so then we want

1151
01:35:07.960 --> 01:35:12.560
to make sure that when we start having we want to catch these things and then

1152
01:35:12.560 --> 01:35:17.880
allow God to reveal things to us and then when we start stepping into that

1153
01:35:17.880 --> 01:35:23.120
exclusivity yeah we're gonna pick one to focus on as we walk to finding is this

1154
01:35:23.120 --> 01:35:27.240
someone we're gonna get into an exclusive relationship with and then we

1155
01:35:27.240 --> 01:35:32.720
really we got to close that door for all the others but I really want you asking

1156
01:35:32.720 --> 01:35:38.280
yourself what fears and thoughts and anxious thoughts are coming up because

1157
01:35:38.280 --> 01:35:43.040
you told me earlier you had that anxious attachment what what are those anxieties

1158
01:35:43.040 --> 01:35:51.200
that are surfacing and what is the lie what is God say the truth is and let's

1159
01:35:51.200 --> 01:35:57.600
let's process through that and and we got you you're gonna get through this

1160
01:35:57.600 --> 01:36:04.240
but I'm going to encourage you you're gonna have to unfriend this guy okay

1161
01:36:04.240 --> 01:36:09.160
you're gonna have to put the boundary up and say look I am dating someone else

1162
01:36:09.160 --> 01:36:15.480
and it's just not respectful to you to me or to this other gentleman if I

1163
01:36:15.480 --> 01:36:25.400
continue this friendship I appreciate you you've been a gem I need to I owe it

1164
01:36:25.400 --> 01:36:31.240
to myself and I owe it to you and I owe it to this other person to close the

1165
01:36:31.240 --> 01:36:37.120
door so that I give the respect to myself in this other relationship and

1166
01:36:37.120 --> 01:36:42.720
I'm also respecting you so that you can find the person that you're supposed to

1167
01:36:42.720 --> 01:36:49.880
be with I I'm still gonna search it out but I do think it's the local guy that

1168
01:36:49.880 --> 01:36:56.200
I mentioned earlier that is super friendly with every person in his path

1169
01:36:56.200 --> 01:37:04.760
and I still think that there's that reservation okay I think I think that's

1170
01:37:04.760 --> 01:37:12.200
the point is like he he has female friends from 35 years ago that they're

1171
01:37:12.200 --> 01:37:17.920
constantly texting and the one is single family friend but she's single

1172
01:37:17.920 --> 01:37:24.200
says he has no interest in her and I think the real I do know the reason I

1173
01:37:24.200 --> 01:37:28.200
kept the door open his friend is I was thinking if he can have a friend I can

1174
01:37:28.200 --> 01:37:32.880
have a friend but do you see like for you it's like but your heartstrings are

1175
01:37:32.880 --> 01:37:40.800
in it again remember ladies men and women are built differently we are okay

1176
01:37:40.840 --> 01:37:48.920
it just is so for him to him you might be like well this means nothing for us

1177
01:37:48.920 --> 01:37:54.920
it could be different it's different all right so here's the thing you just be

1178
01:37:54.920 --> 01:37:59.760
like look I don't I and you can communicate to me like look I for me I

1179
01:37:59.760 --> 01:38:04.080
can't have a guy friend and it just be okay because this is what is bothering

1180
01:38:04.080 --> 01:38:08.200
me I thought I could just have this guy as a friend but it's it's it's not

1181
01:38:08.200 --> 01:38:11.960
working for me but I realized I'm I'm also not comfortable that you have

1182
01:38:11.960 --> 01:38:17.160
friends that are women and I really want to try to work this out but I I don't I

1183
01:38:17.160 --> 01:38:23.560
don't know what the boundaries are and I I I'm not sure where I'm at with this I

1184
01:38:23.560 --> 01:38:27.360
mean it's having the honest conversations but like I said it's about

1185
01:38:27.360 --> 01:38:35.560
processing with the Lord spend that time ladies this is what we taught literally

1186
01:38:35.560 --> 01:38:41.680
going into action so this is what moving forward when we're coming in the

1187
01:38:41.680 --> 01:38:46.600
app and asking questions and we're coming here to these group calls I want

1188
01:38:46.600 --> 01:38:55.440
us really to be working at getting really good with this process changing

1189
01:38:55.440 --> 01:39:01.680
our question into like this process of use utilizing the heart work getting our

1190
01:39:01.680 --> 01:39:08.120
confidence like we talked about last week and shifting into this positive

1191
01:39:08.120 --> 01:39:18.960
like how am how is God partnering with me so that I can grow and heal how am I

1192
01:39:18.960 --> 01:39:23.400
using this as a positive experience how are these situations that I'm going to

1193
01:39:23.400 --> 01:39:33.000
find myself in dating going to bring me fruit okay yeah love love that's a good

1194
01:39:33.000 --> 01:39:36.720
question like why is this other guy not able like why is the long-distance guy

1195
01:39:36.720 --> 01:39:41.360
not he's probably got some wounds too ladies we're not the only ones with

1196
01:39:41.360 --> 01:39:44.920
wounds men are too

1197
01:39:45.160 --> 01:39:48.160
they are

1198
01:39:48.720 --> 01:39:54.680
some men will have worked through them and some men won't or haven't doesn't

1199
01:39:54.680 --> 01:39:58.280
mean that they can't okay

1200
01:39:58.960 --> 01:40:01.960
oh yeah

1201
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:04.640
Well, that's, that's a good question too. So Gail, Lovelet's asking, why can't this,

1202
01:40:04.640 --> 01:40:08.960
the, the local guy that you're dating, why can't he let the lady friends go? Have you

1203
01:40:08.960 --> 01:40:18.000
asked him to let go of the lady friends? This lady friend is his, um, she owns a huge

1204
01:40:18.000 --> 01:40:25.440
estate on skinny Atlas Lake, which is a big, huge resort. And he, for 35 years has been the grounds

1205
01:40:25.440 --> 01:40:33.520
keeper, um, takes care of the buildings. So it's been a friendship working relationship.

1206
01:40:34.400 --> 01:40:39.920
Um, and then she ended up getting divorced and so then he feels more responsible for,

1207
01:40:39.920 --> 01:40:47.120
so it's a source of income as well. Can you all talk about what the boundaries look like? I mean,

1208
01:40:47.120 --> 01:40:50.880
the two of you might have to sit down because if it's a working thing, you guys might have to sit

1209
01:40:50.880 --> 01:40:55.920
down and have a compromise of what that looks like. Ladies, that's marriage too. I mean,

1210
01:40:55.920 --> 01:40:59.520
not that they're married right now or, you know, getting married. I don't, I don't even know if

1211
01:40:59.520 --> 01:41:05.840
that's even a topic of conversation right now, but, um, this is what relationship looks like.

1212
01:41:05.840 --> 01:41:12.000
It's about coming together in conflict and having resolved with each other.

1213
01:41:12.880 --> 01:41:19.120
I do have to say this. Um, and I think this is about the time I told him it was exclusive that

1214
01:41:19.680 --> 01:41:25.280
again, local guy is also on my Facebook account cause he is friends with a lot of my friends,

1215
01:41:25.280 --> 01:41:32.400
former neighbor. Yeah. And I noticed that when I made a post, he would put a heart, you know,

1216
01:41:32.400 --> 01:41:41.680
his, his, uh, local guy, local guy would put a heart under my post and then the same heart he

1217
01:41:41.680 --> 01:41:48.480
would post with this working relationship, family, friend, girl. So she'd get a heart,

1218
01:41:48.480 --> 01:41:55.680
I get a heart. And so I told, I did, I said, that's just not acceptable. What's the, that's a

1219
01:41:55.680 --> 01:42:02.800
red heart is love. And we had that conversation, but I think that's where I all of a sudden said,

1220
01:42:04.720 --> 01:42:09.440
maybe I'll keep long distance guy on until I can get this figured out in my brain.

1221
01:42:09.440 --> 01:42:13.840
And that's what I'm saying. Like, that's where I would again, come like be taking these types

1222
01:42:13.840 --> 01:42:18.880
of things before, before the Lord. Like these are just things as they're surfacing, ladies,

1223
01:42:18.880 --> 01:42:24.480
I want you to really encourage you ladies, like anything that comes up posted in the app,

1224
01:42:25.600 --> 01:42:29.120
like, Hey, this has happened. And this is what I'm thinking. This is, this is something that

1225
01:42:29.120 --> 01:42:34.080
bothered me or Hey, this person happened. Am I reading too much into this? That's,

1226
01:42:34.080 --> 01:42:37.120
that's why you all are in this community. And that's why you have this membership.

1227
01:42:38.080 --> 01:42:43.600
We're here to give you, you know, coaching. We're here to walk the process out. And ladies,

1228
01:42:43.600 --> 01:42:49.120
it's, it's no different. Like you don't just, when you, when you are told an exercise of like,

1229
01:42:49.120 --> 01:42:55.520
Hey, you, you learn this new exercise for how to get like arm muscles or whatever, like, you know,

1230
01:42:55.520 --> 01:43:00.960
you're trying to, to, to strengthen your upper body. You don't do it once. And then all of a

1231
01:43:00.960 --> 01:43:10.240
sudden the arm muscles come there's repetition with doing the workout over and over and over and

1232
01:43:10.240 --> 01:43:19.120
over again at heartwork is no different. It's work. You have to be repetitive and keep repeating

1233
01:43:19.120 --> 01:43:25.360
the work with every one of your situations, everything that comes up, you apply the

1234
01:43:25.360 --> 01:43:32.320
heartwork to, and as you continue to work it, it will, you will get better over time.

1235
01:43:32.320 --> 01:43:40.240
You'll get stronger over time. Okay. So, you know, if don't ever like, I know a lot of ladies,

1236
01:43:40.240 --> 01:43:45.200
I had lady, I mean, I've had ladies, I mean, like I said, I've been doing this over two years,

1237
01:43:45.200 --> 01:43:48.880
the ladies before they would always be like, I'm so sorry. I post so much. I'm so sorry. I post so

1238
01:43:48.880 --> 01:43:56.800
much. Ladies, I would rather you post so much. And even if we can't get to every single question,

1239
01:43:57.520 --> 01:44:04.320
I, we do read every single one. I may not get to every one, but at least we're seeing it. And

1240
01:44:04.320 --> 01:44:08.720
you're seeing it because you're having to go out and process it because guess what?

1241
01:44:08.720 --> 01:44:12.800
You're still, if you're going in there and you're, you're processing in the app, guess what,

1242
01:44:12.800 --> 01:44:21.280
who else you're processing it with? You're processing it with God. You're actively doing

1243
01:44:21.280 --> 01:44:29.840
action. You're actively working through the heartwork process. Okay. I would rather you ladies

1244
01:44:29.840 --> 01:44:37.440
blow up the app, then hold onto it or just wait for the weekly call or, oh, you had to miss a weekly

1245
01:44:37.440 --> 01:44:45.120
call or watch. Like I would really like be encouraged to come in as frequent as you, as you

1246
01:44:45.120 --> 01:44:51.760
need to. Okay. So then that way, when those things come up, we, we can be those blind spots for you.

1247
01:44:51.760 --> 01:44:56.720
That's what we're here for. That's why you're in this community. That's let us be that resource

1248
01:44:56.720 --> 01:44:59.920
for you. Okay. And all your sisters are in here too.

1249
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:05.120
because guess what you're in there encouraging each other your sisters are

1250
01:45:05.120 --> 01:45:12.040
got your back to all right and if they see that myself or Ebony like might have

1251
01:45:12.040 --> 01:45:15.040
scrolled past and not been able to respond to you guess what your sisters

1252
01:45:15.040 --> 01:45:19.760
are gonna call us out to especially now since I don't get all the notifications

1253
01:45:19.760 --> 01:45:25.680
all the time like I like we're here together we're in this together we're

1254
01:45:25.680 --> 01:45:33.520
all holding each other up okay so Gail I want you processing for the next you

1255
01:45:33.520 --> 01:45:36.800
know for the few days but go out and have some fun with yourself too okay

1256
01:45:36.800 --> 01:45:41.120
don't put all your energy hey otherwise you're gonna stress yourself out and you

1257
01:45:41.120 --> 01:45:46.760
don't need that okay take care of yourself love yourself all right do some

1258
01:45:46.760 --> 01:45:51.440
fun things for you but I want you to spend some some moments with the Lord

1259
01:45:51.440 --> 01:45:55.720
and I want you to come and I want you to share with what God is revealing to

1260
01:45:55.720 --> 01:46:04.360
you okay and we're here for you all right I hope this blesses you we got you

1261
01:46:04.360 --> 01:46:11.880
girl all right I think the next one that I saw I'm still scrolling up here um

1262
01:46:11.880 --> 01:46:19.920
let's see okay we've got a Luani she left okay so I don't know if I got let's

1263
01:46:19.920 --> 01:46:24.880
see I'm gonna have to copy and paste some of this stuff so that I go in and

1264
01:46:24.880 --> 01:46:32.360
respond in the app Micaela did you did you post your question

1265
01:46:33.360 --> 01:46:46.240
I don't see Micaela sorry I didn't unmute I did not okay it was kind of

1266
01:46:46.240 --> 01:46:51.600
lengthy so I saw Micaela and wanted to them and then I'll then I'll come back

1267
01:46:51.600 --> 01:46:55.920
to you okay yeah I'm sorry I'm gonna have to pop off here in a little bit so

1268
01:46:55.920 --> 01:47:01.200
I don't know maybe I can just post it on the page or and if you want to post in

1269
01:47:01.200 --> 01:47:08.280
here I'll grab it and then I will if if I get to posting in the app before you

1270
01:47:08.280 --> 01:47:12.560
have a chance I'll call you that too okay I can just post it on the app

1271
01:47:12.560 --> 01:47:21.160
sometime okay sounds good all right I'm scrolling down and seeing I

1272
01:47:21.160 --> 01:47:30.200
don't know I did put it in there okay thanks okay let me go back

1273
01:47:31.200 --> 01:47:37.840
I know I saw it I saw you and Wanda's so that's what I want to make sure okay

1274
01:47:37.840 --> 01:47:42.280
was it that he made an assumption that he could get in my car was there

1275
01:47:42.280 --> 01:47:47.640
something yeah that's me that's me yeah was it the how how would you handle a

1276
01:47:47.640 --> 01:47:55.400
first date arriving at a meeting spot with no car yeah okay so you you get to

1277
01:47:55.400 --> 01:48:00.960
a first date you you meet somewhere and you don't have did I'm guessing he

1278
01:48:00.960 --> 01:48:04.520
didn't have a car he didn't have a car and he didn't make that known because I

1279
01:48:04.520 --> 01:48:07.000
was like next time I was like I didn't realize you were this far next time

1280
01:48:07.000 --> 01:48:11.640
we're meeting in the middle buddy laugh out loud okay he's actually let me

1281
01:48:11.640 --> 01:48:14.880
finish reading now read this out loud so everybody that might not be reading the

1282
01:48:14.880 --> 01:48:19.640
chat or can access it okay but some people watch and replay okay so he made

1283
01:48:19.640 --> 01:48:24.400
the assumption that he could get in my car we were meeting to play pickleball

1284
01:48:24.400 --> 01:48:29.200
at the park and hike I made an assumption that he had a car which I

1285
01:48:29.200 --> 01:48:34.960
would have probably made the assumption to I let him get in but thinking back it

1286
01:48:34.960 --> 01:48:40.200
wasn't safe didn't think it through it was a last date because I kept feeling a

1287
01:48:40.200 --> 01:48:45.520
weird disgusting feeling around him as we were walking and talking how would

1288
01:48:45.520 --> 01:48:50.760
you have responded when he showed up with no car to get to the pickleball

1289
01:48:50.760 --> 01:48:56.200
court okay so you all arrived to a spot and then you all had to go to the

1290
01:48:56.200 --> 01:49:00.840
pickleball court so you had to drive there yeah we had to there was it's it

1291
01:49:00.840 --> 01:49:05.440
was when I was asking I was like what's the address to the pickleball court he

1292
01:49:05.440 --> 01:49:09.760
was just like it's gonna be easier to meet at the YMCA let's meet at the YMCA

1293
01:49:09.760 --> 01:49:13.960
and even before that I was just like wow you're a lot further out so I put my app

1294
01:49:13.960 --> 01:49:17.440
I put the reason why I got someone farther out is because that's how I set

1295
01:49:17.440 --> 01:49:20.880
up for the app because it's someplace that I'm I might near my new church and

1296
01:49:20.880 --> 01:49:24.400
I'm actually planning on moving out there so it was an hour about an hour

1297
01:49:24.400 --> 01:49:27.480
and 22 minutes for me but I'm like you get grace because it's close to my

1298
01:49:27.480 --> 01:49:31.520
church and so I own some of it I was like I should have you know I totally

1299
01:49:31.520 --> 01:49:36.760
forgot that I changed my app settings but he could have told me that he didn't

1300
01:49:36.760 --> 01:49:41.400
have a car when I was saying all that via text like I don't have a car I'm

1301
01:49:41.400 --> 01:49:44.920
taking a train it's probably it was I think it was easier for him to take the

1302
01:49:44.920 --> 01:49:48.680
train to the YMCA which is where he usually works out he said he did work

1303
01:49:48.680 --> 01:49:52.680
out that morning and then I thought from there he had a car we were just gonna

1304
01:49:52.680 --> 01:49:58.560
meet I didn't you see the piece that I'm missing so he's working up to my so

1305
01:49:58.560 --> 01:50:01.960
I'm like he's like where are you I'm like

1306
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:01.060
I'm in the parking lot.

1307
01:50:01.060 --> 01:50:02.660
I didn't go inside the YMCA.

1308
01:50:02.660 --> 01:50:04.300
I'm like, I'm in the parking lot in my car.

1309
01:50:04.300 --> 01:50:05.140
Where are you?

1310
01:50:05.140 --> 01:50:06.340
I don't see you.

1311
01:50:06.340 --> 01:50:08.060
Cause I know some guys like, you know,

1312
01:50:08.060 --> 01:50:10.520
they'll want you to be where, you know, for a first date.

1313
01:50:10.520 --> 01:50:11.820
I don't want to be around.

1314
01:50:11.820 --> 01:50:14.180
So you all met at the YMCA?

1315
01:50:14.180 --> 01:50:15.460
That's his gym.

1316
01:50:15.460 --> 01:50:17.220
We met at his gym because the park,

1317
01:50:17.220 --> 01:50:20.780
the Pickleball Park wasn't too far from the YMCA.

1318
01:50:20.780 --> 01:50:22.860
Did you all have walks there?

1319
01:50:22.860 --> 01:50:24.860
No, it was like,

1320
01:50:24.860 --> 01:50:28.300
it would have been about an hour walk to the park,

1321
01:50:28.360 --> 01:50:30.560
but maybe like 45 minute walk to the park.

1322
01:50:30.560 --> 01:50:33.720
I guess we, that's a good point.

1323
01:50:33.720 --> 01:50:35.880
No, it just would, it would have been too far.

1324
01:50:35.880 --> 01:50:37.240
It is a little bit complicated.

1325
01:50:37.240 --> 01:50:39.040
It wasn't really easy to navigate.

1326
01:50:39.040 --> 01:50:39.880
In that case.

1327
01:50:39.880 --> 01:50:40.700
Okay.

1328
01:50:40.700 --> 01:50:44.520
Because again, like, yeah, like I get it.

1329
01:50:44.520 --> 01:50:47.360
Like it's a little bit uncomfortable again,

1330
01:50:47.360 --> 01:50:51.080
like just because we,

1331
01:50:51.080 --> 01:50:53.960
we were wanted someone to tell us

1332
01:50:53.960 --> 01:50:56.240
that they didn't have a car or we have like a,

1333
01:50:56.240 --> 01:50:58.940
Hey, we're just like uncomfortable.

1334
01:50:58.940 --> 01:51:02.940
Sometimes other people don't have that boundary.

1335
01:51:04.060 --> 01:51:04.900
You're right.

1336
01:51:05.820 --> 01:51:07.940
That he did that.

1337
01:51:07.940 --> 01:51:09.620
So the way out of that,

1338
01:51:09.620 --> 01:51:11.960
so that you still get to hold true to your boundary

1339
01:51:11.960 --> 01:51:14.300
and you still feel comfortable.

1340
01:51:14.300 --> 01:51:15.380
You're at a gym.

1341
01:51:16.980 --> 01:51:19.980
I would have been like, Hey, I'm, I'm sorry.

1342
01:51:19.980 --> 01:51:21.820
I, I have a,

1343
01:51:21.820 --> 01:51:25.660
I have a boundary that I don't let people

1344
01:51:26.080 --> 01:51:28.600
know that I don't know very well in my car.

1345
01:51:28.600 --> 01:51:30.960
Had I known that you,

1346
01:51:30.960 --> 01:51:33.580
I thought you were going to drive here.

1347
01:51:33.580 --> 01:51:38.580
I didn't know that you were expecting me to drive us there.

1348
01:51:39.580 --> 01:51:42.480
Is there a way that you can get to the pickleball

1349
01:51:42.480 --> 01:51:44.320
and we can continue our date?

1350
01:51:44.320 --> 01:51:45.960
Or is there something that we can do,

1351
01:51:45.960 --> 01:51:48.280
do here at this location?

1352
01:51:48.280 --> 01:51:49.880
Yeah.

1353
01:51:49.880 --> 01:51:50.720
I would switch it.

1354
01:51:50.720 --> 01:51:54.000
I would, I would literally otherwise just be like,

1355
01:51:54.000 --> 01:51:55.080
I'm sorry.

1356
01:51:55.500 --> 01:51:58.340
I may have to, like, we may have to just reschedule.

1357
01:51:58.340 --> 01:51:59.180
Yeah.

1358
01:51:59.180 --> 01:52:00.000
Thanks.

1359
01:52:00.000 --> 01:52:00.840
Yeah.

1360
01:52:00.840 --> 01:52:01.680
Thanks for saying that.

1361
01:52:01.680 --> 01:52:02.500
Cause I really felt like I was,

1362
01:52:02.500 --> 01:52:03.980
think I was more angry at myself and I was like,

1363
01:52:03.980 --> 01:52:07.340
why did I, you know, it was the people pleasing thing.

1364
01:52:07.340 --> 01:52:09.700
Like I didn't want to get him upset or like,

1365
01:52:09.700 --> 01:52:11.100
Oh, it's potential.

1366
01:52:11.100 --> 01:52:13.260
I don't want to overthink, but that was my boundary.

1367
01:52:13.260 --> 01:52:15.660
And it comes to find out as we were talking,

1368
01:52:15.660 --> 01:52:18.340
like, I think he may have had like a rough history.

1369
01:52:18.340 --> 01:52:19.700
You know, he was saying that he has to,

1370
01:52:19.700 --> 01:52:22.860
has some anger management issues and he's, you know,

1371
01:52:22.860 --> 01:52:24.020
he'll get in a fight.

1372
01:52:24.080 --> 01:52:25.920
Like there were places where I was driving.

1373
01:52:25.920 --> 01:52:28.520
He wanted me to just not let someone through.

1374
01:52:28.520 --> 01:52:30.200
Like his character was actually coming in a way.

1375
01:52:30.200 --> 01:52:31.040
It was a blessing.

1376
01:52:31.040 --> 01:52:32.400
Cause I got to see his character right away

1377
01:52:32.400 --> 01:52:33.680
with like road rage.

1378
01:52:33.680 --> 01:52:36.040
He has some kind of road rage going on.

1379
01:52:36.040 --> 01:52:37.400
Cause yeah.

1380
01:52:37.400 --> 01:52:38.320
And so it was coming on.

1381
01:52:38.320 --> 01:52:39.400
Otherwise it wouldn't have came out.

1382
01:52:39.400 --> 01:52:40.240
And I was thinking about it.

1383
01:52:40.240 --> 01:52:42.680
I'm like with all this weird, like,

1384
01:52:42.680 --> 01:52:44.200
and then my whole body,

1385
01:52:44.200 --> 01:52:47.560
I felt disgusted spiritually and like physically with him.

1386
01:52:47.560 --> 01:52:48.880
I didn't tell him that,

1387
01:52:48.880 --> 01:52:51.080
but I've never felt like disgusted.

1388
01:52:51.080 --> 01:52:51.920
Like something was like,

1389
01:52:51.920 --> 01:52:53.600
and not even he's very attractive,

1390
01:52:54.140 --> 01:52:54.980
but there was something about him,

1391
01:52:54.980 --> 01:52:56.260
like being around him.

1392
01:52:56.260 --> 01:52:58.700
I felt like, ick, like, yuck.

1393
01:52:58.700 --> 01:53:00.700
And okay, this is good.

1394
01:53:00.700 --> 01:53:02.100
So let's, let's take,

1395
01:53:02.100 --> 01:53:03.940
can I take this and teach from this,

1396
01:53:03.940 --> 01:53:05.180
from what we just talked about?

1397
01:53:05.180 --> 01:53:06.020
Please, please.

1398
01:53:06.020 --> 01:53:06.900
This is good.

1399
01:53:06.900 --> 01:53:08.260
Ladies, this is what I want you.

1400
01:53:08.260 --> 01:53:10.020
Like, this is the process.

1401
01:53:10.020 --> 01:53:11.580
So that's why I'm going to take it.

1402
01:53:11.580 --> 01:53:13.420
We're going to, we're going to extend the time here.

1403
01:53:13.420 --> 01:53:14.660
Okay. Cause then I got Wanda's too.

1404
01:53:14.660 --> 01:53:18.740
I want to, I want to answer her question as well.

1405
01:53:18.740 --> 01:53:21.200
So do you see how,

1406
01:53:21.200 --> 01:53:24.800
if we would have just addressed the,

1407
01:53:24.800 --> 01:53:27.920
what you do and you kind of left the,

1408
01:53:29.640 --> 01:53:30.480
it's okay.

1409
01:53:30.480 --> 01:53:31.840
Cause I got this disgusting feeling

1410
01:53:31.840 --> 01:53:34.440
and I don't really want to like deal with that.

1411
01:53:34.440 --> 01:53:37.560
You would have just solved the surface level problem.

1412
01:53:37.560 --> 01:53:38.680
Well, like I have this scar

1413
01:53:38.680 --> 01:53:43.160
that I don't want to have people drive in my car, right?

1414
01:53:43.160 --> 01:53:44.080
Like, how do I do that?

1415
01:53:44.080 --> 01:53:45.920
So I avoid all of that stuff, right?

1416
01:53:45.920 --> 01:53:46.760
I avoid.

1417
01:53:46.900 --> 01:53:48.340
Don't even let them in.

1418
01:53:48.340 --> 01:53:49.180
Right?

1419
01:53:49.180 --> 01:53:50.000
I'm going to avoid it.

1420
01:53:50.000 --> 01:53:50.840
Cause I don't want to see it.

1421
01:53:50.840 --> 01:53:52.780
I had not committed it.

1422
01:53:52.780 --> 01:53:57.780
But if, if you were not given this opportunity,

1423
01:54:00.060 --> 01:54:03.540
you got like, because of this opportunity,

1424
01:54:03.540 --> 01:54:06.500
God got to, is, is revealing something to you.

1425
01:54:08.020 --> 01:54:11.780
Cause you told me you got angry with yourself.

1426
01:54:11.780 --> 01:54:13.140
There was people pleasing.

1427
01:54:14.120 --> 01:54:16.000
You were, do you see how now

1428
01:54:16.000 --> 01:54:18.640
there's some revelation that's coming?

1429
01:54:18.640 --> 01:54:19.480
Oh yeah.

1430
01:54:19.480 --> 01:54:23.800
And all of a sudden you're like, okay, so that's good.

1431
01:54:24.840 --> 01:54:26.560
You can learn from this

1432
01:54:26.560 --> 01:54:30.220
and now you're going to know how to respond in the future.

1433
01:54:30.220 --> 01:54:31.400
So you don't find yourself

1434
01:54:31.400 --> 01:54:33.920
in an uncomfortable situation again

1435
01:54:33.920 --> 01:54:38.040
and how to hold a boundary and not feel uncomfortable

1436
01:54:38.040 --> 01:54:40.600
but God's going to want to go a little deeper with you

1437
01:54:40.660 --> 01:54:45.660
and help you heal what actually is creating

1438
01:54:46.220 --> 01:54:50.020
this needing to people, please.

1439
01:54:50.020 --> 01:54:51.840
You get to go do some of that work.

1440
01:54:51.840 --> 01:54:53.180
You get to go do some of that healing

1441
01:54:53.180 --> 01:54:56.300
and go, go spend some time with the Lord and say, okay, Lord

1442
01:54:56.300 --> 01:54:57.360
what am I believing?

1443
01:54:57.360 --> 01:54:58.580
And what does your truth say about me?

1444
01:54:58.580 --> 01:54:59.420
So that when

1445
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:05.000
surfaces like this again, whether it's a situation, a people-pleasing thing

1446
01:55:05.000 --> 01:55:10.920
surfaces in you, or a discomfort, you don't feel like you can put a boundary up, surfaces,

1447
01:55:10.920 --> 01:55:16.440
whether it's in a relationship, or with a family member, or with a stranger,

1448
01:55:16.440 --> 01:55:25.360
whatever, you've worked through a process with the Lord of healing this reaction

1449
01:55:25.360 --> 01:55:32.720
to a situation, a response, or a belief that is coming from a place that's not

1450
01:55:32.720 --> 01:55:40.480
God. Okay? And so instead, you would have just solved, okay, now I'm just gonna put

1451
01:55:40.480 --> 01:55:46.320
a guard up, and I'm not gonna allow anybody to ever get in my car, and now I

1452
01:55:46.320 --> 01:55:51.480
have a tool that I'm gonna, no one's ever gonna be in my car again, and now we're gonna

1453
01:55:52.320 --> 01:55:58.840
like a guard, instead of like actually learning, and getting some wisdom, and

1454
01:55:58.840 --> 01:56:06.560
getting some healing, and some growth, and why that's important, why do you put the

1455
01:56:06.560 --> 01:56:12.800
boundary up of not putting somebody in your car? Because it's wisdom, it's a

1456
01:56:12.800 --> 01:56:17.640
boundary, and the boundary isn't about not letting people in your car, the

1457
01:56:17.680 --> 01:56:24.680
boundary is saying, I'm valuable enough so that my boundaries matter, and I can

1458
01:56:24.680 --> 01:56:29.400
vocalize what my boundaries are, no matter who it is, I don't have to please

1459
01:56:29.400 --> 01:56:34.960
anybody, because if God gives me a gift of discernment, that's how he protects me,

1460
01:56:34.960 --> 01:56:42.360
and so I know he gives me discernment so that I can set boundaries, and I can be

1461
01:56:42.360 --> 01:56:46.480
kind with those boundaries, and people are gonna be respectful of those, and

1462
01:56:46.640 --> 01:56:51.920
that's gonna show me wisdom of who is safe, and who's not, because if someone's

1463
01:56:51.920 --> 01:56:55.560
not gonna respect my boundary, that person's not safe, and then I can make a

1464
01:56:55.560 --> 01:57:00.760
choice to leave, that's wisdom, ladies, that is wisdom.

1465
01:57:01.120 --> 01:57:01.760
I love that.

1466
01:57:02.040 --> 01:57:07.640
Okay, that's why we're not coming here just to, hey, Carla, Ebony, what am I

1467
01:57:07.640 --> 01:57:12.360
supposed to do here? No, we're here, what Lord, what do you want to reveal? We're

1468
01:57:12.360 --> 01:57:17.640
getting underneath the surface, okay, so now she gets to go really sit with the

1469
01:57:17.640 --> 01:57:23.960
Lord and process, like, oh, Lord, thank you, you are, you are a God that protects me,

1470
01:57:24.840 --> 01:57:29.760
you are my defender, Lord, I thank you for that, and so she's not gonna sit here

1471
01:57:29.760 --> 01:57:35.360
and go into the next situation with a guarded heart, she's not gonna let this

1472
01:57:35.400 --> 01:57:42.480
experience change her mindset so that she's going up with all the, I don't know,

1473
01:57:42.520 --> 01:57:48.320
you know, she's like, oh, like, she was already protected, she let that guy in,

1474
01:57:48.320 --> 01:57:54.400
and God was like, you know what, I got my daughter, and she's gonna be safe, and

1475
01:57:54.400 --> 01:57:58.840
she's gonna see some things, and she needs to see that this people pleasing

1476
01:57:58.880 --> 01:58:02.600
thing in her is not gonna lead her somewhere it's safe, and she needs to

1477
01:58:02.600 --> 01:58:07.520
learn that she doesn't have to please people, that I give her discernment, and

1478
01:58:07.520 --> 01:58:13.760
she can trust her feeling, and she can trust that she can put boundaries in

1479
01:58:13.760 --> 01:58:20.720
place, I have given her wisdom, she can speak up for herself, she can value

1480
01:58:20.720 --> 01:58:26.680
herself, she can love herself, she can kindly tell someone, I'm sorry, I'm just,

1481
01:58:26.720 --> 01:58:30.840
I'm gonna have to reschedule, or can we do something around here, she can give

1482
01:58:30.840 --> 01:58:39.000
options, and then she got some, like, look at all the growth that she's gonna get

1483
01:58:39.000 --> 01:58:47.560
from this, that's what I want you ladies to start this, that's the discovery

1484
01:58:47.560 --> 01:58:55.600
dating piece, that it's not just us sitting here like, okay, how do I get some

1485
01:58:55.600 --> 01:59:01.520
dating strategy, I do different, okay, how do I, like, tell a guy, like, you ain't

1486
01:59:01.520 --> 01:59:09.960
getting my car, like, okay, yeah, you're not getting in my car, but hey, I'm sorry,

1487
01:59:09.960 --> 01:59:12.720
I didn't know that you didn't have a car, and had I known that, I would have

1488
01:59:12.720 --> 01:59:17.800
suggested us to meet at the pickleball court, I don't let guys in my car that I

1489
01:59:17.800 --> 01:59:23.040
don't know, had I known that, I would have, I would have given that, I would have

1490
01:59:23.040 --> 01:59:30.120
told you that, and so my apologies if this is inconvenient, but it's important

1491
01:59:30.120 --> 01:59:39.080
to me that we drive separately. Would that be okay with you? If he gets an attitude, and it

1492
01:59:39.080 --> 01:59:42.480
sounds like, you know, if he had some road rage, or whatever, he had some anger

1493
01:59:42.480 --> 01:59:47.280
management issues, girl, you wouldn't even have to, you wouldn't even have to see that, you would have,

1494
01:59:47.280 --> 01:59:54.880
God would have revealed it right there. Right, right. I would have been like, okay, that's my signal to,

1495
01:59:54.880 --> 02:00:01.520
hey, well, I apologize, I hope you have a blessed

1496
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:06.960
let's stay and you and you block them right you get your get your butt home

1497
02:00:06.960 --> 02:00:10.400
you first you don't eat well he doesn't have a car so it's not like he's following you home

1498
02:00:14.640 --> 02:00:16.480
unless he can run really really fast

1499
02:00:18.720 --> 02:00:26.320
so um ladies like now you now y'all are applying these like tools and you're getting real wisdom

1500
02:00:26.320 --> 02:00:29.920
and this is how you're getting closer to your spirit mate

1501
02:00:31.920 --> 02:00:39.520
and you're not allowing some of these negative experiences to shape your identity and this

1502
02:00:39.520 --> 02:00:47.040
dating piece and like keeping you stuck in any patterns you're getting like healing through

1503
02:00:47.040 --> 02:00:51.840
these experiences this is what i mean when god is going to take dating for discovery

1504
02:00:51.840 --> 02:00:59.920
and utilize that in that preparation period nothing gets wasted but it takes a surrendered

1505
02:00:59.920 --> 02:01:13.360
heart an open heart a honest heart a vulnerable heart for us to do that okay no thank you paula

1506
02:01:13.360 --> 02:01:18.240
that was awesome thank you i know this is like super super long and i'm hoping that

1507
02:01:19.200 --> 02:01:22.480
people that had to jump off were able to get and replay because that was

1508
02:01:22.480 --> 02:01:26.480
that was powerful mika thank you so much for sharing sharing that with us

1509
02:01:27.520 --> 02:01:32.160
you're welcome thanks for that feedback absolutely all right wanda i'm going back to your question

1510
02:01:32.160 --> 02:01:40.640
here um okay i saw your feelings aren't fat okay let me see i think you're a little further down

1511
02:01:40.640 --> 02:01:47.120
maybe did you you posted your question i thought i did post my question um and sorry if the camera

1512
02:01:47.600 --> 02:01:54.080
if you see girl is it upside down it is but you're fine i don't know how to fix it i'll just

1513
02:01:54.080 --> 02:01:58.160
i feel like there's like one of those i don't know i think it was alice in wonderland or there's

1514
02:01:58.160 --> 02:02:03.520
some of those like one of those movies where everything was upside down that's what i'm just

1515
02:02:04.160 --> 02:02:09.680
so i've been trying maybe by the next time i'll have it all worked out but yes my question has

1516
02:02:09.680 --> 02:02:16.480
to do with a dating experience that i had recently this is my first dating experience i was married

1517
02:02:16.480 --> 02:02:24.880
over 30 years and have been separated in divorce for over four years okay and i have done a lot of

1518
02:02:24.880 --> 02:02:31.280
healing and deliverance through other platforms you know sozo just straight up ministry that does

1519
02:02:31.280 --> 02:02:36.880
you know casting out demons the whole thing breaking soul ties so but i have found it very

1520
02:02:36.880 --> 02:02:45.280
helpful to go through the heart work here um so another like yeah you know tipping point that's

1521
02:02:45.280 --> 02:02:52.320
what jackie calls it exactly so i a couple a few days before my birthday on march 15th i just felt

1522
02:02:52.320 --> 02:02:57.280
like i had to put my dating profile together i just did one just so i wouldn't get overwhelmed

1523
02:02:57.280 --> 02:03:02.480
i went to facebook because i've been hearing that you get a big pool of you know men through that so

1524
02:03:03.280 --> 02:03:08.800
right away a couple people started talking to me out of those two people one really was pursuing me

1525
02:03:09.600 --> 02:03:15.760
we were talking for like a week straight every day for like an hour then we got together on us

1526
02:03:15.760 --> 02:03:21.280
on a sunday we did an event a skin care event together then we went out to get a bite to eat

1527
02:03:21.280 --> 02:03:26.880
really no no red flags you know maybe a couple yellow fat flags but i was going to continue to

1528
02:03:26.880 --> 02:03:33.920
push through um i didn't have a lot of chemistry attraction to him but i think he had more towards

1529
02:03:33.920 --> 02:03:40.480
me but we got to a place in our conversation where i wanted he he was asking about my marriage

1530
02:03:40.480 --> 02:03:47.360
and then i was asking him about his last uh you know relationship and and uh he said that it was

1531
02:03:47.360 --> 02:03:51.840
like two years ago so that was good because he didn't just pull out of one relationship and

1532
02:03:51.840 --> 02:03:57.760
start to go back into the dating pool uh but he did say well you know just through knowing him

1533
02:03:57.760 --> 02:04:03.120
all these days and hours of talking to him and spending five hours with him on a sunday

1534
02:04:03.120 --> 02:04:08.000
so it wasn't like you know this was the first date the first day ended up that long because

1535
02:04:08.000 --> 02:04:13.520
the event the skin care event was long it was a couple hours then we went out to eat and we i mean

1536
02:04:13.520 --> 02:04:17.680
i was comfortable we have a lot we had a lot of things in common he told me what church he

1537
02:04:17.680 --> 02:04:23.280
attended he'd been attending there for i don't know it seems like years okay especially during

1538
02:04:23.280 --> 02:04:29.120
the time he was with this other serious relationship which he said he was engaged

1539
02:04:29.120 --> 02:04:35.040
but when he told me that he was living with this person that's when a red flag did go up

1540
02:04:35.920 --> 02:04:43.680
so i basically you know uh said to him look i'm not judging you but i will say this about me

1541
02:04:44.240 --> 02:04:50.640
i said and and what i believe the bible is saying about premarital sex all that kind of stuff i

1542
02:04:50.640 --> 02:04:56.880
said for me i'm going to take a biblical stance here i i will not be having premarital premarital

1543
02:04:56.880 --> 02:04:59.920
sex with anyone i believe that marriage is

1544
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:05.000
is supposed to be within the context of marriage, you know?

1545
02:05:05.000 --> 02:05:06.760
And that was it, I said.

1546
02:05:06.760 --> 02:05:09.760
But we were both going to a call right away.

1547
02:05:09.760 --> 02:05:11.840
He had a Zoom call, I had a Zoom call,

1548
02:05:11.840 --> 02:05:14.460
and it abruptly ended.

1549
02:05:14.460 --> 02:05:17.840
But I thought, oh, maybe he's gonna pull away or whatever.

1550
02:05:17.840 --> 02:05:19.780
But he texted me later and said

1551
02:05:19.780 --> 02:05:21.640
he wanted to finish the conversation,

1552
02:05:21.640 --> 02:05:25.400
which I was like, you know, surprised, pleasantly surprised.

1553
02:05:25.400 --> 02:05:28.840
But before I would engage in a conversation with him again,

1554
02:05:28.840 --> 02:05:32.160
I was armed and dangerous already by then

1555
02:05:32.160 --> 02:05:37.160
because I grabbed that article that was written by Jackie

1556
02:05:37.300 --> 02:05:40.600
where it talks about why people don't want to wait for sex

1557
02:05:40.600 --> 02:05:43.880
and 12 science-backed reasons.

1558
02:05:43.880 --> 02:05:47.520
So I cut, pasted, put it in a Word document

1559
02:05:47.520 --> 02:05:48.820
and emailed it to him.

1560
02:05:48.820 --> 02:05:50.640
And I asked him if he would please read it

1561
02:05:50.640 --> 02:05:53.240
before we talked about that conversation.

1562
02:05:53.240 --> 02:05:54.600
And he said he would.

1563
02:05:54.600 --> 02:05:57.680
So by the time we connected the next day,

1564
02:05:58.000 --> 02:06:00.160
he said, yes, I received the email,

1565
02:06:00.160 --> 02:06:03.480
I read the article, thank you for the article.

1566
02:06:03.480 --> 02:06:05.680
It was an eye-opening article.

1567
02:06:05.680 --> 02:06:08.500
He goes, I wish I would have known this information

1568
02:06:08.500 --> 02:06:10.280
in the past.

1569
02:06:10.280 --> 02:06:13.260
But then he says, but what I'm realizing is

1570
02:06:13.260 --> 02:06:16.040
that I am not ready to date, he tells me.

1571
02:06:17.200 --> 02:06:18.800
And then I was like, okay,

1572
02:06:18.800 --> 02:06:21.300
well, thank you for letting me know now

1573
02:06:21.300 --> 02:06:24.360
because obviously nothing,

1574
02:06:24.360 --> 02:06:26.960
no boundaries were crossed or anything like that.

1575
02:06:27.280 --> 02:06:30.320
He was pretty much a gentleman from what I can tell.

1576
02:06:30.320 --> 02:06:32.600
So I said, okay, fine.

1577
02:06:32.600 --> 02:06:34.120
I said, well, you know what?

1578
02:06:34.120 --> 02:06:36.400
If you want to continue talking at some point,

1579
02:06:36.400 --> 02:06:38.840
you know, maybe friendship, whatever, that's fine.

1580
02:06:38.840 --> 02:06:40.080
As long as, you know,

1581
02:06:40.080 --> 02:06:42.640
I'm not in a serious relationship by then.

1582
02:06:42.640 --> 02:06:43.880
But yeah, you know, I says,

1583
02:06:43.880 --> 02:06:46.640
but I do recommend you take the program I'm taking.

1584
02:06:46.640 --> 02:06:48.480
And I told him a little bit about it.

1585
02:06:48.480 --> 02:06:51.640
I did, I says, it sounds like you need some hard work.

1586
02:06:51.640 --> 02:06:52.920
Hey, everybody needs it.

1587
02:06:52.920 --> 02:06:54.280
I'm still doing it.

1588
02:06:54.280 --> 02:06:56.400
I'm going to be probably forever doing it

1589
02:06:56.840 --> 02:06:58.280
and we go be with Christ.

1590
02:06:58.280 --> 02:07:01.280
And so it ended really good,

1591
02:07:01.280 --> 02:07:03.800
but for a minute there was stinging a little bit

1592
02:07:03.800 --> 02:07:06.120
because it was so hot and heavy

1593
02:07:06.120 --> 02:07:08.720
and lots of conversations, good ones too,

1594
02:07:08.720 --> 02:07:10.240
for a whole week, you know,

1595
02:07:10.240 --> 02:07:12.760
and then being with him for five hours,

1596
02:07:12.760 --> 02:07:15.840
it was starting to be like, I mean, I'm still not,

1597
02:07:15.840 --> 02:07:17.080
you know, the chemistry isn't there,

1598
02:07:17.080 --> 02:07:18.920
but I'm liking him as a person.

1599
02:07:18.920 --> 02:07:21.280
And then we hit that one, you know,

1600
02:07:21.280 --> 02:07:23.160
discussion about premarital sex.

1601
02:07:23.160 --> 02:07:25.720
And that was what, boom, it broke the camel's back there.

1602
02:07:25.960 --> 02:07:28.000
Oh, that, yeah, no, yeah, yeah.

1603
02:07:28.000 --> 02:07:31.240
But I'm just wondering if it was too soon to bring it up,

1604
02:07:31.240 --> 02:07:33.920
but we had talked a lot during that week.

1605
02:07:33.920 --> 02:07:35.320
So I don't know.

1606
02:07:35.320 --> 02:07:36.880
Okay, so this is again,

1607
02:07:36.880 --> 02:07:41.240
so like what did that situation reveal to you?

1608
02:07:41.240 --> 02:07:46.240
What is it, what do you feel is it bringing up in you?

1609
02:07:47.560 --> 02:07:49.040
Not really anything.

1610
02:07:49.040 --> 02:07:50.680
I mean, I'm not going to be,

1611
02:07:50.680 --> 02:07:54.160
I don't regret talking about premarital sex.

1612
02:07:54.160 --> 02:07:57.920
I don't regret saying that the Bible is very clear

1613
02:07:57.920 --> 02:08:01.120
about how God views premarital sex.

1614
02:08:01.120 --> 02:08:06.120
And therefore, when I continue this dating journey,

1615
02:08:06.120 --> 02:08:08.000
again, I'm going to have to make sure

1616
02:08:08.000 --> 02:08:11.160
that hours have been spent talking about just,

1617
02:08:11.160 --> 02:08:12.960
you know, positive things.

1618
02:08:12.960 --> 02:08:15.320
You know, who are they today?

1619
02:08:15.320 --> 02:08:17.320
What were some of their accomplishments?

1620
02:08:17.320 --> 02:08:20.320
Maybe some of their dreams or goals, aspirations,

1621
02:08:20.320 --> 02:08:22.880
like keep it light, you know?

1622
02:08:22.960 --> 02:08:23.800
But if it gets to a point-

1623
02:08:23.800 --> 02:08:26.200
Okay, so this is what this is showing you.

1624
02:08:26.200 --> 02:08:30.800
So know how I said, it's this for you,

1625
02:08:30.800 --> 02:08:33.840
it's not become negativity right yet, okay?

1626
02:08:33.840 --> 02:08:37.680
Because you are locked in and this is good.

1627
02:08:37.680 --> 02:08:41.160
Like, I'm glad that you don't have a negative look on this.

1628
02:08:41.160 --> 02:08:42.680
Okay?

1629
02:08:42.680 --> 02:08:45.760
This is really, really good.

1630
02:08:45.760 --> 02:08:47.480
So, but what it's direct,

1631
02:08:47.480 --> 02:08:50.440
like this experience of what it's directing you,

1632
02:08:50.440 --> 02:08:52.240
instead of saying, you know, you're not asking like,

1633
02:08:52.240 --> 02:08:53.520
well, why is this happening?

1634
02:08:53.520 --> 02:08:56.960
But you are asking, well, should I have done this?

1635
02:08:57.840 --> 02:09:01.920
Like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do here, okay?

1636
02:09:01.920 --> 02:09:06.920
Okay, and that's not necessarily a bad question, okay?

1637
02:09:07.400 --> 02:09:10.040
But the first question we want to ask is,

1638
02:09:10.040 --> 02:09:12.200
what is it revealing to me?

1639
02:09:12.200 --> 02:09:14.440
What I'm hearing you say is,

1640
02:09:14.440 --> 02:09:18.760
well, I don't regret my standard

1641
02:09:18.760 --> 02:09:22.360
that premarital sex is not on the table.

1642
02:09:23.680 --> 02:09:25.400
That's a standard.

1643
02:09:25.400 --> 02:09:27.760
That's a non-negotiable for you.

1644
02:09:27.760 --> 02:09:30.280
And ladies, I want to say that non-negotiable

1645
02:09:30.280 --> 02:09:32.920
is for all of you, okay?

1646
02:09:34.280 --> 02:09:38.800
All right, we encourage that here at Last Year Single, okay?

1647
02:09:38.800 --> 02:09:41.120
And like, she was armed for Jackie,

1648
02:09:41.120 --> 02:09:43.560
like she had Jackie's article, okay?

1649
02:09:43.560 --> 02:09:47.600
So Jackie, she gonna tell you that too,

1650
02:09:47.600 --> 02:09:49.720
it's not just me saying that, okay?

1651
02:09:49.720 --> 02:09:52.920
So that revealed to her like,

1652
02:09:52.920 --> 02:09:55.120
premarital sex is a non-negotiable.

1653
02:09:57.000 --> 02:10:00.200
Now, when he told you that.

1654
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:04.640
at he had a live-in girlfriend at one point,

1655
02:10:07.760 --> 02:10:10.440
you could have probably drawn an assumption there, right?

1656
02:10:11.520 --> 02:10:15.800
Okay, you could have just sat with it,

1657
02:10:15.800 --> 02:10:18.180
you could have asked a question, okay?

1658
02:10:19.140 --> 02:10:21.940
Now, at Last Year Single, we're gonna encourage you

1659
02:10:21.940 --> 02:10:25.360
not to have those conversations right out the gate.

1660
02:10:25.360 --> 02:10:27.200
That's when you're getting information,

1661
02:10:27.200 --> 02:10:29.500
you're gonna say, that's a yellow flag.

1662
02:10:31.000 --> 02:10:35.560
I'm gonna need more information,

1663
02:10:35.560 --> 02:10:37.620
I'm gonna trust the Lord with this one,

1664
02:10:38.820 --> 02:10:40.680
I'm gonna get to know this person,

1665
02:10:41.600 --> 02:10:43.740
I'm gonna ask more questions,

1666
02:10:43.740 --> 02:10:47.820
I'm not leading it to sex questions just yet, okay?

1667
02:10:49.040 --> 02:10:52.140
We are also gonna encourage you not to,

1668
02:10:52.140 --> 02:10:55.000
when you're dating, it's lighthearted,

1669
02:10:55.000 --> 02:10:59.000
we're doing easy breezy, we're not there to teach them

1670
02:10:59.000 --> 02:11:04.000
to tell them like, hey, this is what the Bible says,

1671
02:11:04.080 --> 02:11:06.720
this is like, we're not there to be their pastor,

1672
02:11:06.720 --> 02:11:09.320
their preacher, their teacher, their mother,

1673
02:11:09.320 --> 02:11:11.440
we are there to show up in the feminine

1674
02:11:12.560 --> 02:11:17.560
as a divine feminine, someone who is wanting relationship

1675
02:11:18.680 --> 02:11:21.660
and gonna have that interaction with them.

1676
02:11:21.660 --> 02:11:24.460
We don't have to show up in a like,

1677
02:11:24.460 --> 02:11:26.800
well, I'm gonna tell you what the Bible says,

1678
02:11:26.800 --> 02:11:30.320
I'm gonna tell you what, we don't have to do that, okay?

1679
02:11:30.320 --> 02:11:32.600
All right, there's nothing wrong with what you did

1680
02:11:32.600 --> 02:11:35.360
because it's going to, it's, again,

1681
02:11:35.360 --> 02:11:38.760
it's data that you're using to bring wisdom,

1682
02:11:38.760 --> 02:11:41.820
there's nothing wrong with it, okay?

1683
02:11:41.820 --> 02:11:44.440
So you are recognizing, I have a standard

1684
02:11:44.440 --> 02:11:48.280
that premarital dating or premarital sex

1685
02:11:48.280 --> 02:11:52.700
is not an option, okay?

1686
02:11:53.520 --> 02:11:56.400
But you're gonna be able to take that information

1687
02:11:57.000 --> 02:12:01.360
and so that's the key there, all right?

1688
02:12:01.360 --> 02:12:04.440
So you're gonna sit there and learn from that.

1689
02:12:04.440 --> 02:12:07.220
I love how you handled all of that.

1690
02:12:08.660 --> 02:12:13.660
Like you were showing up and being clear and kind

1691
02:12:15.280 --> 02:12:20.280
and hey, you know, like I saw your heart,

1692
02:12:21.140 --> 02:12:25.020
it sound like he had a healthy response,

1693
02:12:25.020 --> 02:12:28.140
I can say not all men would respond that way.

1694
02:12:31.780 --> 02:12:34.860
Many men might get very offended by that

1695
02:12:34.860 --> 02:12:37.260
but again, it's not yours to carry.

1696
02:12:38.100 --> 02:12:42.620
If, you know, if he wasn't a mature man,

1697
02:12:42.620 --> 02:12:45.300
he could have gotten very offended

1698
02:12:45.300 --> 02:12:48.660
and who knows how he would have responded to you

1699
02:12:48.660 --> 02:12:50.300
and then that could have opened a door

1700
02:12:50.300 --> 02:12:53.320
for it to kind of carry and weigh on you.

1701
02:12:53.320 --> 02:12:56.600
So I'm thankful that he responded really maturely

1702
02:12:56.600 --> 02:12:59.560
so that you got to still like,

1703
02:12:59.560 --> 02:13:01.080
you got the opportunity of saying,

1704
02:13:01.080 --> 02:13:06.080
hey, here's this program, it's for men too, all right?

1705
02:13:06.720 --> 02:13:08.200
But again, we're not gonna sit here

1706
02:13:08.200 --> 02:13:12.160
and come into a space of like, hey, you need this.

1707
02:13:12.160 --> 02:13:15.360
You see how that can kind of show up to be a mom

1708
02:13:15.360 --> 02:13:18.820
and I don't want you stepping into any relationships

1709
02:13:18.820 --> 02:13:23.280
in the future where you might naturally show up as a mom

1710
02:13:24.240 --> 02:13:27.280
because you may end up, if you do that

1711
02:13:27.280 --> 02:13:30.400
and you start a relationship off and you go into,

1712
02:13:30.400 --> 02:13:33.160
because if you find someone that's looking for a mother

1713
02:13:34.280 --> 02:13:37.200
and you have a natural tendency to show up as a mother,

1714
02:13:39.520 --> 02:13:43.380
that's gonna create some conflict in the relationship

1715
02:13:43.380 --> 02:13:44.520
and that might not show up

1716
02:13:44.520 --> 02:13:48.160
until you're really invested in the relationship

1717
02:13:48.160 --> 02:13:50.560
and then that's gonna be a little trickier.

1718
02:13:50.560 --> 02:13:54.280
So right now, this is that revealing for healing piece

1719
02:13:54.280 --> 02:13:58.720
of like, what, Laura, what were you trying to reveal there?

1720
02:13:58.720 --> 02:14:01.500
Like, where did that come from?

1721
02:14:01.500 --> 02:14:05.160
Like, what is it that you're trying to show me through that?

1722
02:14:05.160 --> 02:14:08.240
Like, where did I feel,

1723
02:14:08.240 --> 02:14:13.240
why did I feel it necessary to show him

1724
02:14:13.960 --> 02:14:18.960
and teach him that what he was doing was not okay?

1725
02:14:21.560 --> 02:14:24.560
Why did I put that responsibility on myself?

1726
02:14:24.560 --> 02:14:28.720
Again, God, I love the fact that that guy was like,

1727
02:14:28.720 --> 02:14:30.480
hey, I might not be ready to date.

1728
02:14:31.960 --> 02:14:35.880
I mean, again, I am really thankful he was a mature man

1729
02:14:35.880 --> 02:14:38.880
because not all men would have shown up like that, not all.

1730
02:14:40.000 --> 02:14:41.640
So that's a win.

1731
02:14:43.160 --> 02:14:46.960
Okay, so I think that was good, I think that was powerful

1732
02:14:46.960 --> 02:14:49.440
but I think like, spend some time with God with that

1733
02:14:49.520 --> 02:14:50.840
and say, okay, God, like,

1734
02:14:50.840 --> 02:14:54.160
I don't want to show up like that frequently,

1735
02:14:54.160 --> 02:14:55.840
I wanna be mindful of that.

1736
02:14:55.840 --> 02:14:58.200
Because I think you would have still found out

1737
02:14:58.200 --> 02:15:00.040
that that guy was-

1738
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:05.400
wasn't ready to date and that was not going to be an like premarital sex and his position

1739
02:15:05.400 --> 02:15:11.520
on it would have at some point kind of shown up and there would probably it wouldn't have

1740
02:15:11.520 --> 02:15:17.520
been so weighty like you know what I'm saying because I'm sure you're probably like like

1741
02:15:17.520 --> 02:15:21.520
I'm going to show him I mean if you're like me that's how I would have been like oh I'm

1742
02:15:21.520 --> 02:15:28.680
ready I'm ready to I'm ready to tell you what's up and so you know and it would just it like

1743
02:15:28.680 --> 02:15:33.960
again I just think that would be you know that's beneficial and again like I still like

1744
02:15:33.960 --> 02:15:40.640
the question of you're like was that the right thing to do you can still ask that and now

1745
02:15:40.640 --> 02:15:46.080
you can go to the Lord with me like Lord like this is important to me I want to release

1746
02:15:46.080 --> 02:15:53.440
to you God that you're going to show me in your timing and I'm trusting my heart God

1747
02:15:53.440 --> 02:15:59.560
with you that you're not going to align me with someone that thinks premarital sex is

1748
02:15:59.560 --> 02:16:09.400
okay so guess what because what I what I will say happens with women it happened with me

1749
02:16:09.400 --> 02:16:18.600
before the heart work I thought I had to just accept the fact that not having sex before

1750
02:16:18.600 --> 02:16:23.880
a marriage was just never going to happen that we lived in a world that just everybody

1751
02:16:23.880 --> 02:16:31.480
just has premarital sex that you know that rule in the Bible just is never it's just

1752
02:16:31.480 --> 02:16:37.959
not possible because the world that we live in and if I continue to show up like that

1753
02:16:37.959 --> 02:16:42.600
and I went into this like oh I'm going to show them where it says in the Bible I would

1754
02:16:42.600 --> 02:16:48.959
literally over time you're going to start realizing how it's going to start forming

1755
02:16:48.959 --> 02:16:57.320
this this process of like this belief of there's no men out there that are not going to have

1756
02:16:57.320 --> 02:17:06.760
sex before marriage it will grow that belief will start becoming what you start showing

1757
02:17:06.760 --> 02:17:12.520
up in and so that can grow and we're we're we're going to put an ax on that like we're

1758
02:17:12.520 --> 02:17:21.320
saying no no I'm coming against that because I'm letting God write my love story okay so

1759
02:17:21.320 --> 02:17:31.080
I love that question too so I'm glad we stay on a little longer don't get mad at me ladies

1760
02:17:31.080 --> 02:17:36.200
but that was really really good but I think once we really start applying some of these

1761
02:17:36.200 --> 02:17:44.600
teachings in our our app and once we can kind of keep these teachings going you ladies

1762
02:17:44.600 --> 02:17:50.600
are just going to accelerate these love stories because you guys are just going to keep working

1763
02:17:50.600 --> 02:17:55.240
these heartwork things and and you're going to reveal all these really wonderful things

1764
02:17:55.240 --> 02:18:02.760
okay all right I am going to pull all the other questions I think I got most of them

1765
02:18:02.760 --> 02:18:08.920
but you all may go ahead and sign off and then I will see you all next week but be thinking

1766
02:18:08.920 --> 02:18:25.559
about all of those dating all of those dating questions and whatnot sorry I'm trying to

1767
02:18:25.559 --> 02:18:33.879
do two things at once talk and all yep so yeah get all of those together be thinking about how

1768
02:18:33.879 --> 02:18:41.240
all of that stuff can be shifted into positive and how God wants to reveal all of that stuff

1769
02:18:41.240 --> 02:18:49.000
to you okay ladies and I will see you all next week all right talk to you later