Okay. And it's going to be very interactive today, too. I'm really trying to, and I think
it's going to be helpful. And a lot of what I think we're teaching today has to do with
a lot of your questions. I'm trying to incorporate what we're teaching each week will typically
be with what a lot of questions are as well. So, okay. There we go. All right. Well, welcome,
everybody. It's 1 o'clock. It's March 31st already. It's Eastern Time 1 o'clock. It's
actually noon here in Central Time. I'm in Texas. So, it is good to be here with all
of you. I see a few more people jumped in. It looks like, is it Tiana and Nellie? Did
I pronounce that right? Nancy, no worries. You're eating breakfast. So, you must be on
the West Coast if it's still morning time where you're at. So, good, good, good. Mika
is here with us. I just see her popping in. Awesome. All right. Well, welcome, welcome,
ladies. I don't think I see anybody brand new. Oh, girl, girl, my girl Rosie's here. I love it.
Awesome. Good to see you as well. I see Teresa here. Let me just get my computer back so I got
my table here. Y'all, sorry. My hair is not looking so great today. Rolled out of bed to
get my kids to school and I didn't really look at my hair this morning. All right. Well,
let's go ahead and get started. Today, we're going to talk about, I'm going to kind of pray
us into kind of what Jackie left with us for Supernatural Saturday. Did anybody not watch
Supernatural Saturday yet? Gail hasn't yet. Oh, girl, you're going to want to listen to it. I
think everybody else. Nancy, she hasn't yet. Okay. All right. Well, it looks like most of
you all got on that. That's going to be good. Good, good, good. All right. Well, I'm going to
pray for us here in a moment after I go over some housekeeping items. If you are brand new to
phase two, this is Love Story Accelerator. I'm Carla Johnson. I'm one of the coaches here at
Last Year Single along with Ebony. Ebony usually does the evening calls. I do this midday call with
you all. I'm Carla Johnson. I'm a success story here at Last Year Single. So those of you that
don't know me, so I've been coaching a little over, it's actually been over two years now.
And then I was in the program as a single myself. So all the things that we teach you here in
heartwork and then Love Story Accelerator are things that I was coached myself and had to
do the rollercoaster ride as well. All right. So the ups and downs, the ebbs and flows
of everything dating, I did as well. Okay. So yeah, if you're brand new, welcome, welcome,
welcome. Continue to keep showing up ladies in the app. I really do love all the engagement that
I'm seeing in there. Really, really good. And then just a gentle reminder, be looking at everyone's
post. Encourage one another. Just refrain from the advice giving. Okay. Give encouragement.
Don't give advice. All right. I know for some of us that's hard. That was always difficult for me
when I was in the community. I just kind of have those natural gifts of teaching and advice giving.
I don't know about you all, but for those of you, if you have that gifting of teaching,
advising, counseling, if you're just kind of like just a mother at heart,
you know, everyone always, always seemed to come to me with all of their,
I don't like to say problems, but their challenges. They always wanted my advice,
you know, as long as I can remember, even when I was young, when I was a kid, even in elementary
school, it's like something about me just like, was like, here, just tell me what you're dealing
with. And, and so that was just, it was natural. And so I just learned just to be able to encourage
people. Like I just can, I can do that. It's just something that God has been able to give me.
And so if you're like that, I know that can be a challenge. So, but the best way to reframe
your thinking when you're here in last year single is you get to be in that divine
feminine posture of receiving. So this is your community to receive.
OK?
So when you're posting something,
you get to receive it, OK?
And so what I will suggest, if someone's post sparks
something in you where you feel like, oh, this
is reminding me of a time, and this is what I did,
go and make a separate post.
This is really, like, this will get
you to start reflecting on some of your stuff
and saying, you know, there was a post.
And I would even say, you don't even
have to name the person's post, OK?
Or you can't, whatever.
And just say, you know, I could say something like, you know,
Gail shared on the app the other day,
or someone shared in the app the other day something
that they were really challenged with when they went on a date
with somebody about interacting with their date's family.
And you know, it reminded me of a time where,
and then I would go into how I experienced something
and how I handled the situation and what God
showed me in that situation.
Now, God could be showing me how he did something
positive in my life out of it.
He could be showing me something like something positive
and then giving me something to reflect on even more.
So I want you to utilize each other's post that way as well.
So I'm not saying don't, like, don't not allow people's posts
to ignite something in you that you want to share,
but put it in another post if it's recalling something
that can be advice or something that God's done for you
that he's having you reflect on.
Does that make sense?
Now, obviously, if you want to give encouragement,
be like, I really love that you did this.
This is awesome.
Like, this encouraged me to get out and, you know,
set boundaries for myself.
Like, I was doing something, you know, similar.
Like, I was having a hard time creating a boundary
and telling someone that I didn't
like the way that they were calling me sweetheart.
And so when I read your post about how you just kindly told
this gentleman to please stop using
those terms of endearment and I would just
prefer you to call me by my name until we've gotten
to know each other better, like, I
appreciate that you shared that because now I'm using that.
That's encouragement.
Thank you for sharing that.
Keep doing that.
That helped me, too.
I appreciate it.
That's encouragement.
Does that make sense?
I don't have very many ladies on camera today.
Only got like one, two, three, four, five, five of you.
Any of you are able?
Thank you, Myra.
You might have been eating.
I wonder.
I see you kind of like in your head, girl,
you can eat in front of me.
I don't care.
It could be all like we're going to lunch or something.
Maybe next week I'll actually have time to prepare my lunch
and I'll just be eating, too.
But I always get all my kids to not eat
with their mouth full of food.
And so if I did that, I could only
imagine if they saw me eating and talking to y'all,
they'd be getting on me.
But by all means, you all can eat.
And I won't yell at you if you are asking a question
or talking and have your mouth full, OK?
Just don't tell my kids.
Don't tell my kids that I gave y'all a free pass, OK?
Y'all aren't my children.
That would be my explanation to them.
Like, y'all aren't my children.
So that's OK.
All right, quick housekeeping.
I think I got through most of it.
And then I think we say this every week.
We do have one-on-one sessions that
are available if you find that just these group calls
and what posting in the app just isn't enough
and you want a full 50-minute one-on-one with a coach.
So it's myself, Ebony, and we have several other coaches
from other different phases.
If you want to purchase that, that is available.
That's under the Resource tab in your app, OK?
All right, I was praying this morning.
I was actually praying this morning with a friend of mine.
And it really, I was sharing with them
because they needed prayer.
And I was sharing with them kind of what
God was leading on my heart.
And I was like, you know what, I really
think this just doesn't work.
kind of goes for a lot of people. And then it even reminded me of what I was teaching on today
and what Jackie kind of shared a little bit, kind of all like morphed together, if you will. So
I'm going to pull that up so that I can touch a little bit on all of that. And then we'll get
started. Of course, when I need my computer to work, it's not going to. Okay. All right.
Okay. All right. Heavenly Father, I just thank you. I thank you for this time.
I thank you for this time with these ladies, Lord.
I thank you that you are just such a wonderful father that just gives us
such incredible words and such credible timing that you encourage us to push forward.
That we can hear your voice, Lord.
That even in those moments where things feel impossible or we're uncertain and we might not
know what to do, God, that you just continue to call us to take imperfect action and that we can
choose to be comforted by you and we can continue to walk in your joy. And so, Lord, I just thank
you for that. I thank you for your joy. I thank you for the subtle reminders that you are right
there with us. And Lord, I just thank you that you reminded me that you are not just
the God that performed miracles in the past, but the God that you were in the past and the
miracles that you performed in the past. You are the same God that you were then,
and you are the same God now. You go before us. You are with us in the present,
and you've been with us in the past. That, Lord, you do not waste anything.
You're not gonna waste anything from our future that we have yet seen.
You're not wasting anything in the current.
And, Lord, I thank you that you haven't even wasted anything from our past.
So, Lord, I just ask that if there's anything from our past, Lord,
that needs healing, that we're carrying with us into this new season as these women are opening
their hearts to dating, that if there's anything from their past and their past relationships and
their past relationships with feeding, Lord, that you begin to reveal what it is that you want to
heal from those past so that they do not interfere and hold them captive
to what you want to do in their current and in their future.
Lord, we can trust that you were with us in the past,
that nothing that we experienced will go to waste, that any of the hardships that we had
to walk through, that even the things that may not feel resolved from our past, you are still
capable of giving us repair and resolve and reconciling anything that hurt us from the past,
Lord, that we step into this new season and continue to press forward, that you are the
tailwind behind us to move us forward into imperfect action, that even if it's imperfect
and it's not that direction that we're supposed to go, Lord, that you will still allow us to walk
into what we are called to do, Lord. There is nothing imperfect with your timing,
that you are with us and you are for us, that you performed miracles back then and you're
going to continue to perform miracles now, Lord, and you will continue to perform miracles in the
future. And so, Lord, I just thank you for that and I ask that you just again allow your comfort
and joy to be in this moment on this call with us today, allow the ladies to just really sit in that
comfort, and know that you are with us as we reflect and we learn how to shift
out of some of these negative patterns that we might find ourselves in as we
you know step into this new season of dating and that you just reveal and heal
us so that we can grow and learn new ways.
So Lord I thank you for this time in Jesus name amen.
All right ladies how is everybody? Good? See if we got some more people on we got
a lot more people and that's good. All right I got Wanda and Mika they are
gonna have questions. All right I'm gonna move us through as quick as possible so
today we are gonna I'm teaching on some imperfect action of date when dating
doesn't seem ideal. Okay we're gonna be shifting into positivity from negativity.
All right so discovery dating is something that you're gonna hear us
coaches say often if you if you've been in here for a minute you've heard us say
discovery dating. Okay if you just got here get ready you're gonna hear us say
it a lot. Okay discovery dating is not gonna be where we're gonna sit here and
you're just trying to find a husband. Okay it's it's not about that it's
really more about learning about yourself learning about what you like
what you don't like you learn a little bit more about other people about how
you interact with those people especially people that you know aren't
like you that maybe have different experiences than you did growing up.
All right they respond differently to things that you do. Okay we have
different responses than other people. Okay we kind of learned a little bit
about that last week. All right that some of us can have some insecurities about
things some of us might respond to a situation differently than somebody else
because some of us might be insecure about something or we might be more
confident in one area and not so confident in another where another
person might have more confidence in an area that we don't or we might have more
confidence in an area that someone else doesn't. Okay so when we're discovery
dating you're gonna you're gonna interact with people that are not like
you. One because like I said not everyone has the same experiences that
we did growing up. The big one as to why we don't react the same way and you're
gonna have some different experiences ladies especially in dating is because
you're a woman and they're a man. Surprise they're different so you're
gonna have different responses. All right so my ladies that have been married
before you ladies you ladies have had a little taste. The person that you're
gonna be with and you're married to is gonna be way different than you. Okay if
you've even been in a relationship before and it hasn't worked out guess
what ladies there isn't a perfect man and it's not like oh the things that you
didn't like about someone it's not like oh there's just someone that I'm gonna
meet and I'm gonna like everything about them. Y'all I have a really good best
friend of mine I mean we've been best friends for goodness like let's see her
son is now 14 I think so 14 or 15 years. Y'all I love her with my whole heart but
there are some things I don't like about her and there's some things that she
doesn't like about me. Okay so even my best friend you're just not gonna like
everything okay because we're all different. Okay so just keep that in mind
so when you're discovery dating you're interacting with people that are not not
you and so you're gonna learn a lot about yourself you're gonna learn a lot
about other people. Okay but I want you to keep in mind that discovery dating is
like our top priority with discovery dating it's not about fixing your dating
strategies. Okay I know a lot of times you know we ask our dating questions and
we want to know what what am I supposed to do now because we want to do it
differently.
Like, I used to do this, so what am I supposed to do now?
Do I call him? Do I not call him?
Okay, and you know, sometimes you ask those questions
and we'll tell you like, okay, well, don't do this, do this.
Okay, I see that, you know,
I'm trying to do a little bit of a better job
of not always responding like that.
Okay, now some of them, it's like, oh, okay,
I've worked with you long enough.
I kind of got you, okay?
Some of these questions though, ladies,
are about utilizing the hard work tools
that you've learned.
That's why this community is different.
That's why we have you in hard work first.
If hard work wasn't important,
we wouldn't have you do it first.
That's the foundation of why Jackie talks
about the 1600 plus success stories from our community
because of hard work.
That's the foundation, okay?
So using those hard work tools
is the top priority for discovery dating, all right?
Because what shows up internally in your heart
is gonna shape your dating experience.
Okay?
For some reason, my chat box is not scrolling.
Okay, there we go.
I don't know if any of you are chatting with me
or with each other.
Okay, so you're gonna often hear, like,
Jackie say, what you believe you become,
what you become, you attract, okay?
So if your heart,
whatever's showing up in your heart
is going to shape your dating experience,
it's also gonna shape your relationships.
Okay?
And then when, ladies, you get into marriage,
like I'm in marriage,
some of my heart stuff is shaping my marriage
and I'm having to do some hard work in my marriage.
Like, hard work doesn't stop, okay?
So what's so fabulous about why you're in this program now
while you're single is you get to practice this now
and prepare so that you're even more ready
when you do step in that covenant marriage
with who God has for you.
And so you're gonna want to have worked out
some of this hard work stuff while you're single
because you're not gonna wanna work on hard work stuff
as a single while you still also have to do hard work stuff
with a couple.
You're gonna wanna get all your single hard work stuff
worked on and prepared so that when you step in a couple,
there's gonna be things that will come up there too.
And that doesn't mean like I can't be in a relationship
because I still have hard work.
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm saying, don't resist being open to hard work
that's being revealed in this season.
Okay?
This doesn't mean, oh, I can't date.
We're not gonna use it as an excuse not to date
or to shut doors when God's not trying to shut doors
but you're just like,
but God, I don't wanna open the door.
God, I'm shutting it.
Like I'm shutting the door that you keep opening
or he's sitting here saying,
but I want some air in the house.
I wanna open a window.
And you're like, no, we're not doing that.
Okay?
We're being open to what God is allowing for us.
Okay?
So you're gonna hear Jackie say
what you believe you become
and what you become you attract
because here's the thing.
If negativity goes unaddressed,
it's not just gonna be something that you feel, ladies.
Negativity isn't just gonna be something that you feel.
It's going to be something
that will quietly shape your identity.
Okay?
I want y'all to spend a moment.
I want you to think about the most recent time
that you had a negative feeling around dating.
Why don't you go ahead and share it in the chat.
Okay. Ladies, I want to remind you that this is a safe place to be honest. Okay.
This vulnerability, remember, it builds confidence. This is going to allow you to
grow in community. This is a judgment-free zone. I love it. Some of you
are like, today, this morning, awesome. Okay. Share with us what that negative
feeling or thought was.
Okay. Yeah, this is a judgment-free zone because guess what? Everyone here made a
choice to partner with God on their love story. We're all in this boat. We're all
in the boat together. We are all like rowing the boat together. Okay. So, we're
not here to judge because guess what? We all are sitting here rowing. Like, we
don't have any room to sit here. We don't have time to sit here and pull our
oar out and sit here and judge you with what you're doing over there with your
oar because guess what? We got to be in here rowing. Okay. Because we're all
rowing together. We all made a choice to partner with God. So, there's no judgment
here. And then you're not here to compare your journey with someone else's
journey because guess what? When you take your eyes off of what you're supposed to
be doing, like, you're not like really able to focus on what you're doing, right?
And you kind of get behind and that's not what God wants for you. He wants you
focused on, hey, I'm doing my part with my community because I'm gonna sit here
and focus on rowing my part doing my part because this is that's the best for
this communities and we're all doing our part to partner with God. Okay. So, I
appreciate, you know, y'all putting in here. I love it. I love what I'm seeing
here. Does anybody want to be bold? I'll take like one or two people if you want
to unmute and just share with the group your like negative feeling or thought
around dating. Yeah. Okay. Go for it. I think my negative feeling is just even in
person like I just feel kind of stuck within myself like that I can't talk to
men or go up to men and I just like I'll see a guy and I'll just immediately look
down and it's something I've known about myself for a long time but I just I
don't know how to change it like I just don't know how to be different. Okay. So,
this negative thought of like I can't talk to men and I can't change it. Okay.
Anybody else relate with that?
I used to be really really shy when I was little like not just with boys but
even with girls so I definitely resonate with that. I don't feel like my voice was
ever heard. I always felt misunderstood. I felt like I couldn't say anything and I
was never gonna be validated like what I said didn't matter anyway so I had
this belief that like I couldn't talk to anybody so I had to do some some
hard work around that and and realize like what was the truth behind that like
what is God's like what's the lie what what does God say about me and that
started to help me build that confidence so and I can't sit here and say I do it
perfectly there's still times like even in my my current situation there are
times where I feel I'm scared to speak up about my feelings and my emotions
because I'm someone who has big emotions and that's not always you know for for
anybody that has big emotions that's like a highly sensitive person love
saying yep that's me all right I'm with you sister okay like we we might have
grown up where we've we've learned these patterns where it doesn't feel safe to
share that and so you know I'm having to learn that even in this new season I'm
like but I'm allowed to have emotions I'm allowed to have feelings I don't
need to quiet myself down to have boundaries I can still speak up it's I
have to be responsible for how I speak up and when I speak up and how I respond
to people when
and I speak up.
Like, those are all learning experiences
that are still rooted in some of the same things.
Like, I might have gotten better at being able
to have my thought and opinion,
whereas before I didn't.
When I was way younger, like, I was really shy,
really, really shy, really, really scared to say anything.
So, and like I said, it was not just men,
it was women, too.
So, that's a growing process.
So, I can relate to you, Michaela,
like 100%, so that's very common.
That's not, I want you to understand, ladies,
that these feelings and these negative thoughts
a lot of times are normal.
They're common, okay?
You're not damaged, you're not any more different
or ruined or anything like that than anybody else.
We all are on this earth, we all have these challenges.
We all live on a world that's cursed.
We all face sin and things that just, you know,
just can bring us down.
And so, like Jackie said on Supernatural Saturday,
like, whatever's happening around us,
like, sometimes it can be sad.
We also get to choose to be comforted
and we can choose joy.
We can just continue to move forward.
And so, that's really what I want you, ladies,
to be mindful of, okay?
So, thank you for sharing that.
Thank you all for sharing that in the chat.
So, I want you to be thinking about what you shared
as I continue the teaching, okay?
Because I do want us to, I want us practicing this
because I want you, ladies,
to start getting into this groove
because I want you, ladies, to build this skill
as you continue to date and you grow this muscle
of utilizing heartwork in your dating life, okay?
Okay, so, because many women are gonna probably,
like, just like Mikayla,
like, you're gonna relate to somebody.
You're gonna find someone in here
that you're gonna relate to.
Maybe, Mikayla, you're like,
oh, I have no problem talking to guys, you know?
Some of you might be like, well, you know,
on the other hand, you'll be like,
on dating apps and you have these repeated experiences.
Like, oh, I don't have a hard time talking to guys.
My issue is, you know, I just keep having these dates
with these guys that are creeps
and they're just a waste of time
and, you know, there's just no good men out there
and, you know, I don't understand why this keeps happening
to me.
That could be a negative thought or feeling.
Okay, we all have something, okay?
What I want you to understand is that
these thoughts feel protective,
but they can create a filter
that's gonna impact how you see and how you show up.
Okay?
Mikayla is trying to, she's like,
I just, I can't change.
I can't talk to men.
I can't share my voice because, you know,
I don't get validation or I'll say something stupid
or, you know, they're not gonna find me attractive.
I mean, that was always one of my thoughts.
I never thought I was pretty, y'all.
Like, I always felt like my friends
were always, like, way more attractive than me.
And I'm like, they always wanted to date my friends
and not me.
I'm like, why would I talk to a guy
if all they're gonna do is ask for my friend's number?
And so when I showed up with that thought process,
that's how I showed up.
I showed up, like, anticipating and expecting them
to ask me for my friend's number
because that was in my head.
That was the thought that was in my head.
Or if I show up thinking,
that guy is just gonna, you know,
just be inappropriate and all he wants is sex.
So I don't even know why.
I don't even know why I'm going on this date.
Or I'm just gonna, you know, ask questions
to find out if that's really what he wants.
I'm not saying that we all do that,
but subconsciously, when we have these thoughts,
it's often how we show up, okay?
And it doesn't mean that, oh,
because I think someone is an inappropriate guy,
it's because I thought he was inappropriate.
So that's why.
he's inappropriate. No, that's not it. There are inappropriate people out there, y'all.
Like, you're going to run into those, okay? And you're going to run into people when you,
you know, talk to someone that they might not validate you. But it's how we feel about it
and what we believe about how they respond that's going to affect how we show up
as we continue to move forward, okay? So we start putting up this, like,
like we put up these walls. We start protecting ourselves.
Negativity just doesn't just reflect your experience. It starts to define your expectations.
It will define what you expect others to deliver back at you. It will also
define what you expect out of yourself or what you don't expect out of yourself.
So one of the core principles that I want you ladies to anchor yourselves in is that behavior
does follow identity, okay? You'll hear us talk about that a lot. You'll hear Jackie often say
that. And so, internally, identity becomes this, I'm someone who has, who's had a bad experience
in dating. Like, been there, done that, right? There's no, no aligned men out there for me.
There's no good Christian men out there for me. There's no good Christian men out there for me.
There's no good Christian men out there for me.
We start internalizing that identity. Like, that's what we believe.
And because that's our belief, our behavior is going to follow that
belief. So we're going to show up guarded. We might disengage quickly.
We might stop being open all together.
Why do I even try? I'm not going to get on the dating apps again. I've already done that.
There's no good men on there. None of those men are, are, are good, are, are, you know,
they just want sex. You know, they say they're Christian, they're not really Christian.
They don't even go to church. Right? Y'all, I'm saying this because these are the things that I
said. I'm saying this because this was me. Keep that in mind. Okay. Like this, I'm not, I'm not,
I don't pull this stuff just like, oh, you know, I'm saying it because I lived it.
And so unintentionally, okay. It's not like I was intentionally trying to do these things. It's not
like, cause I'm sitting here like I'm here, I'm showing up. Y'all, I was here for like over two
years in this community. And I was like, but like, why, why, why isn't my man showed up?
Jackie, you said it was married in 12 months or less. Cause that's what she, we used to call it.
Okay. Married in 12 months or less. Jackie had been here 12 months. I ain't married yet. What's
going on? Some of you might be like, it's last year single. I've been here for a year.
I'm like, hello. So I did that, you know, it wasn't, I wasn't intentionally trying to do that.
You know, I was like, clearly I'm like, I'm not trying to do it. Okay. I just,
it was, I was just blocking the very connection that I actually desired. And I was just
not aware of it because it seems scary. Didn't want to look at that stuff right away. And I get
it ladies. Some of it is like, we've got to like really hand that over.
But I want you to keep in mind, this is why we don't just address the dating behavior.
We're going to address the beliefs that are underneath your behavior. So yes, I know you
all come to ask the questions, but what do I do, Carla? But what do I do? Ebony?
What, what do, what do I need to do? This is what he did.
but but but I I okay and I didn't send sometimes I'll be like okay well do this
share this boundary well yes but I feel that I should do this too okay you can
do that but why do you feel like you need to do that it's not wrong I'm not
saying it's wrong I'm not saying it's right I'm saying what does it reveal to
you how is it working for you one thing Jackie used to say to me and so many of
us women that were or in the community when I was was single and used to oh my
gosh it used to trigger me it used to actually I shouldn't even say trigger it
really didn't trigger me I would say I'm actually just gonna say it offended me
and I knew I could never say that it offended me because I knew what she
would who here knows what Jackie says how does she respond when she says um if
you're offended what does it mean go ahead and put it in the chat if you are
offended by something what does it mean
anybody you think about it
keep going keep going keep going let's go ladies are you with me I only got a
few people on camera now Rosie if you're driving do not feel like you have to
respond girl do not get yourself in an accident y'all if you're driving do not
you're driving do not do not respond okay don't do that I do not want to be
responsible for any accidents here all right we got you need healing in that
area it's usually a trigger from trauma it's about you there's an unhealed
emotional wound I need to pray about it and ask God to help me work through it's
something in you that bothers you I have heard of you are offended you easily
manipulated okay there is a wound underneath it's an opportunity for
healing you need more heart work okay I want to say you need more heart work we
all like let's reframe that okay Kelly we don't need more heart work we're all
gonna do heart work okay the needing part means makes it feel like there's
something wrong okay I want I want to break that off of you I don't know why
I get this sense of like I'm not quite fixed and that's not what that is okay
but what it's showing you is there's a revealing that it's there's something
there if there's an offense ladies you're tracking with me here okay it
shows us an area that we've got a wound in
it has more to say about what's going on inside our heart and less what's going
on with the person that's saying it okay and so Jackie would often she would
say things and I just be like oh my gosh like stop like I don't I don't want to
address that you know like I just it would just totally bother me um so it's
not about just addressing our dating behavior it's about addressing what's
underneath it so I'd sit here and be like bringing things up you know and it's
just you know anyway so I get it it's hard and so she would just you know
point out things and I just didn't want to address it because I'm like that I
don't want to do that I I don't that's just I'm upset by that I don't I don't
think I need that and you know y'all she she gave me the space she'd be like
okay well why are you doing that and I you know I get offended by it and like
well okay well I have a choice God gives us free well she's never forcing me to
do things so ladies when you ask us I'm not gonna force you to show up in a way
that you're not ready to show up okay I'm here have a good day Lucy so yeah
but if it continues to keep showing up and you kind of feel stuck it's it's
highlighting an area that God's God's saying hey I want you to work on this
what what
this revealing to you? Okay, so instead of asking, why is this happening to me? Ladies,
I want you to start asking, what is this revealing to me?
So when y'all come with your questions, like I'm always going to give you tips of like,
hey, I might do this, or I might do that. Have you thought about doing this?
Hey, when you did this, what happened? What were you feeling? What were you thinking? What
were you believing? Because it's going to start revealing some things. All right.
Because every interaction is going to be giving you some data. That's hard work.
That hard work is what you take to God. In order to take it to God, you've got to surrender it.
There's got to be supernatural surrender. And when we do that, guess what we get in return?
Wisdom. That's the gift that God gives us. Wisdom.
It's going to start showing you your patterns. It's going to start showing you your triggers,
your standards, your growth edges, the things that are just going to start just revealing.
Okay? It's going to allow you to sit and process through things. And ladies, it's not all bad.
It's not. Because you're processing what belief you have, but then
the goal is to also be processing what does God say to you? What's the truth?
God's not going to sit here and reveal these things to you and then not sit here and share
his truth with you. Are we just open to hearing the truth?
And are we hearing God through a lens that's criticizing?
Because maybe we've got some unhealed stuff with God.
That was me, y'all. I'm only sharing that. I wasn't even going to go here today.
I really struggled. I had a lot of unresolved anger and stuff with God because I didn't take
accountability for some of my own stuff. I blamed God for a lot of it. And God was a good father.
He's just like, okay, I'll take it. Because he was a good father. He was a good father.
Because he was strong like that. He's like, I got it. He's like, you can give it to me. I told you
I could bear it all. I could lament to him. And he's just like, okay, give it to me, Carla.
And eventually he just showed me, he's like, okay, are you done? Are you done, Carla?
All right. Are you ready for me to love on you now? Are you ready to receive my love?
I mean, I just, I didn't know how to receive love.
I don't work through that stuff. And then finally I was like, okay.
All right. Yeah. Go ahead. Give me your best shot. Really. What's this love,
love thing really look like? Okay. And then he, he was so gracious and was able to just
slowly show me what that looked like. It's been a process, but it's, it's good.
So I want you ladies to think like what,
what feels like a negative experience can actually be part of your alignment process.
It will feel, maybe it will feel negative in the moment, but if you actually walk through it,
walk through that storm or that experience,
especially when you are partnered with God,
that storm will calm. He calms the storms of our hearts, ladies. He really does.
I was going to do a breakout session, but I don't have very many of us on.
And I don't know how many of us are that far on.
And I don't know how many of us are that. So I'm going to just go ahead and open
the floor to a few of you. If anybody wants to, I'm sure I have at least one or two.
that want to share what your negative experience was and what is being revealed to you?
While I was teaching, did any of you take that negative thought that you had about dating
and did God kind of download to you what He was revealing to you? Does anybody want to
share that? You can go ahead and unmute.
I think for me, the heart work was very good, although I've done a lot of heart work in
a healing journey that I lead, but what really was key to me is, until you have friction
against these areas that are sensitive to you through dating, I don't feel that the
heart work can be really done unless you're in a situation that would have triggered you
and then you address it. I mean, the heart work was good with tools, but in order to
use those tools, I feel you have to be in certain situations, as negative as they might
be, so that you can work the tools.
Yeah, I love that reflection. It's kind of like, how is something going to get smooth
if there's no friction? You can't smooth any rough edges if there's nothing that it's going
to actually rub against, right? I mean, what's coming to my sphere right now is iron sharpening
iron. You can't sharpen something unless you have the very thing that it's going to actually
take to sharpen it. There's got to be some friction there. There's got to be some struggle.
There's going to be a challenge. There's going to be some point of rubbing the wrong
way or something. I love that. I love that word friction. That's a really, really good
word. So Gail, what specifically do you recall? What was something negative that you thought
and then God revealed to you in that heart work piece that maybe, how did it shift? What
did God reveal to you that reframed it and then that you kind of worked on that you shifted
from some negative thinking and now it was like positive and you're like, oh, that's
what God was revealing to me and that's what I've learned from this. This is the wisdom
that I came out of it. I came out with some of this wisdom once I surrendered this negative
feeling and thought and this is how God has worked on healing certain areas. Can you share
Yeah, there's a couple of them. I tested anxiously attached due to several abandonment issues.
So when I was not getting immediate responses to texts, I was being triggered to the negative
way. They don't like me. They don't want anything to do with me. They're ghosting me. Just about
every single time I was totally wrong until I decided that it was my issue and that I
needed to work on myself and do things and not automatically default to they don't like
me or there, you know, there was always a reasonable answer when they did contact me
why they couldn't, you know, and I realized I was overreacting and that was one point.
The other point is my husband's cheated on me constantly. So I am currently seeing a
guy that is very much an extrovert, very well-known and well-liked in the community who gives
everybody compliments. So then I was like all of a sudden, okay, they're gonna cheat
on me because they said, hey, you look nice today or they opened the door and I was just
getting triggered like this until I realized that's their personality. It doesn't mean that
every man's a cheater. So it was these kinds of things that I only realized how severe my
triggers were when they were happening during dating. You know, I left the heart.
So that's good. So ladies, do you hear how she's like, I was, I was cheated on in these
past relationships. So I immediately assumed that's what was going to happen, but she's
realizing, well, just because.
His personality and he knows people and he's being friendly and kind doesn't mean that he's going to cheat
So now I'm going to ask you a question here
Okay
So this is where the coaching part will come in when you ladies are open to saying hey
He's talking to all these people and I can I'm instead of her sitting here going to a negative feeling like hey
I you know, this guy is
Talking to all these people and I just you know, I don't really like that. I don't think it's respectful
That you know when you're out on a date with me that you know
You're going and talking to all these other people like I I want to you know
I want to date somebody that's gonna give me it, you know, give me their undivided attention. I want to feel special
I want to feel pursued
It is it for some of you. This is gonna resonate ladies. Okay, and it's in it and if you feel offended guess what's because
It's an unhealed
Something that got work on. Okay. All right. I love you and I'm saying it out of love
Okay, and again, I'm saying all of this because I've walked it. Okay, and I've
Trust me. I was always like the one being like why is Jackie always calling me?
So it's the well I just don't think guys should do this on dates and that's just not the kind like I
have boundaries and I
Miss I literally am saying this because this is how I this is how I responded. Okay, I had boundaries and you know
I really just think you know, you know, I want I want a man to show me that they're interested in I I
Just think you know when they're when they're having, you know, talking to other people whether it's a male or if it's a female Jackie
I think
You know cuz it doesn't have to be it doesn't have to be a female Jackie
See how I would always turn it cuz I'm like, oh it could be a male but you know, it's it's not respect
Jackie it's not respectful if you're out on a date with me and
You're talking to someone else or another man or picking up a phone and whatever
okay, but it would continue to happen and
So it was this revealing because it was coming from a trauma responsive. I'm
What if he's cheating?
What if he's texting another girl what if he knows her what if he dated her what if like
you know, he he sees her like y'all like
What if he saves that person's name and it's you know, it's a guy's name, but it's really a girl
I mean y'all us women could really take things and run with it. Okay, and
So I love that Gail's like hey, I'm recognizing. This is a pattern
I'm sitting here thinking. Oh, I have this past where I found myself in relationships with people that
that cheat and
so when they're talking to all these people
The same feeling that I got when I found out my ex-husbands were cheating on me
it feels similar or I'm scared to feel that same way again and
I don't want to feel that way. So I'm gonna just go ahead and go
I'm gonna get anxious or I'm gonna just kind of put things up
I'm gonna cut and run or I'm gonna go over anxious and I'm gonna sit there and ask a bunch of questions
Who like however we respond to those things? Okay, we're all gonna have different responses
We're all responding to a feeling our responses might look different
Okay, some of us might put up walls some of us might get over anxious some of us will sit and do both
I was the lovely girl that just will do both
So she's recognizing that she's like wait
he's just a social person and is just nice and kind and so she's just learning like
That's not I don't need to think that about him
But now this is where the coaching piece is gonna come in because she's she's not sitting here focused on what do I do differently?
So that he stops
Talking to somebody he stops being friendly to people. Okay, cuz that's typically where
The questions are typically well, I don't want to date this person. How do I get them to stop?
Instead it's like okay. No, I
Don't like this feeling
So this is what I'm recognizing. Here's the truth. Not everyone's gonna cheat. This is not necessarily what he's doing
but my question to you now Gail is
When he does talk to people what have you shared with him I
Have to say in the beginning of the relationship I would tell him that it would make me feel uncomfortable and then
But as I got to know him, I realized that his whole personality is, he's the EMT in
the fire department, and his whole personality is serving, nurturing, uplifting.
One time we were at a ball game and this lady was having a hard time getting up the steps
and he was the first one down there, put his arm out so she could hold it and help her
up the steps.
I realized, you know, I need to change my perspective.
As a former codependent, I was always trying to fix and manipulate situations so I wouldn't
get hurt.
In other words, I could fix them.
And then through the practice of dating, I've realized, I've picked out good men, faithful
men.
He's a widower that's been mourning his wife for six years, faithful to the end.
He's well-liked.
I see the reactions of people when we go places that they're, hi Don, hi Don, and oh you're
lucky, you got a man with a heart of gold and all this and that.
And all of a sudden I'm realizing, you know, I need to fix me.
I don't want to change him.
Because you see the quality, you see the gold in him, and you're like, wow, that's a really
good quality about him.
I don't want to change that.
But she's like, hey, this is making me uncomfortable.
Now when you say that to him, like what was his response?
He looked at me like I had four eyes, like seriously, like what's wrong with helping
people and making people smile?
What's wrong with that?
You know?
And he's just like, what do you mean?
And if they respond that way, like typically that's probably a good thing because that
means they are not at all on the same wavelength that you were thinking that they were.
Like if they were in the thought process of cheating, they'd probably get really defensive.
And like then start, you know, but he's just like, huh?
Like, okay.
And so that's good.
And what happens is she's starting to learn how to communicate.
Okay.
It doesn't fix everything.
That doesn't mean that all of a sudden she's just like, poof, that feeling just goes away.
There may be times where, you know, they're going to continue to keep dating and, you
know, and get, there might be another situation that comes up and out of nowhere, she's going
to be like, oh wow, that doesn't feel good.
And it might surface something else and she's going to have to communicate some more.
And it's a process.
Like that's when you're growing in relationship with people.
And so that's what we want to work on is how do these relationships reveal things to grow
us to get closer to one another.
But first we're going to get closer to God.
A relationship should draw us closer to God.
And so Gail is going to draw closer to God and be going to God.
God, what is this revealing me?
What do you want to heal in me?
What should I do differently?
What are you trying to show me?
Like, help me.
What do I need to do?
Do I need to communicate differently?
How do I, I mean, that ladies is what you're going to walk in in relationship.
You're going to see, and guess what?
These men are not going to do it perfectly.
I've been married two and a half years.
My husband does not respond perfectly at all.
There's a lot of things he does really well.
Really, really well.
There's some things that he doesn't.
Okay.
We're blending a family.
We were both single parents.
He had a wife that passed away.
He was single parenting with no, like, it wasn't like he was trading his kids off.
With a, with like an ex-wife, she was off the earth and it was just him.
Single dad in it.
Okay.
And he really wasn't, she, she never really allowed him to be really involved
anyway, when they were married.
So his oldest was 10 years old.
The youngest was seven.
And then now you're fully responsible for these two kids.
And I didn't come along until like four or five years after he had dated some
other people in between there and bringing him in and out of their lives.
Like there's some, there's some stuff.
I was a single mom.
from the moment my baby came out.
My husband, not my husband, he was never my husband.
My son's dad left me when I was seven months pregnant.
So I was single mom in it from the very, very get go.
And, you know, my son did go to his dad's like every, you know, one night,
every two weeks, you know, pretty early on when he was a few months old.
But majority of the time it was I was the sole parent.
Like there was not a whole lot of like working with him
because there was a lot of boundaries that needed to be put in place.
So I was just kind of in charge.
You start merging these families together.
Who y'all we don't do it perfectly.
All right, I don't I don't show up always the greatest.
I don't always love how my husband shows up.
And then we've got kids that are 10, 14 and 16.
And if any of you have ever had teenagers or have teenagers currently
or you probably have been a teenager and you remember
how you were as a teenager.
Oh, y'all, let me tell you, OK?
Like. We're not going to do it perfectly.
There's there's going to be things that surface.
And so it's that process of being able to go to the Lord,
surrendering it to God and walking through and working it out
with a partner in a relationship.
And so dating is going to start revealing that stuff.
OK, and know that you are going to have.
So my girl, is it Edwidge?
She she she knows she she got a 16 year old boy.
Girl, I do, too.
It's me, my husband had a disagreement last night with our 16 year old boy.
Oh, Lord, there's something.
And he was like our like.
He I was just like, he's he's the child that we're like.
He's like not.
He was he was like, where'd this kid come from?
He was like mature.
Like, I mean, we really hit the jackpot with a 16 year old.
But I don't know what has happened in the last like month or two.
And everyone tells me 16 year old boy like boys
when they go through this like stage.
And you're like, you're going to you're going to wake up
and you're going to be like, who are they?
And everyone always says, don't worry.
It's a it's short lived.
They'll return.
I'm like, oh, Lord, I need that to return very quickly.
We don't need to know.
So you get it. All right.
So I want to get us off topic because I want us to get
I want to at least have a handful of time to answer these five questions here
that we've got hands up and I'm almost done here. But yeah, so.
It's the process of being able to see what is it
that God is revealing to you, and how are you going to apply it
with a person now in relationship?
And how are you going to now start working together?
What's it going to reveal?
Ladies, there are going to be some relationships that you get into.
OK, some of you are going to be in level two relationships
and you're going to be dating and then it's going to be going good.
And then all of a sudden, like there's going to be something revealed
and you're going to try to sort it out and communicate differently.
And then they're going to like God's going to reveal to you
like this person is not like they're showing up
and they're throwing up some red flags.
They're they're yellow flags are going to start turning red.
And we're not going to be negative about it.
We're just going to be like, this is what God protection is.
And then you're going to get into some relationships,
they're going to be some yellow flags and you're going to work through them.
You're going to communicate.
You're going to you're going to be going to the Lord.
Lord's going to be revealing things to you and showing you what to do next.
You know, you got us coaching you, trying some things out,
trying some new ways of communicating.
God's going to reveal some things.
And guess what?
Those yellow flags are going to turn green.
And then you're going to continue to move forward.
OK, and then then you when at some point, the goal is, ladies,
that you're going to find someone
that you're going to get into a level three relationship with.
And it's going to get exclusive.
And then that exclusivity is going to hopefully.
Continue to grow, you you're going to see
are things going green or things going to turn red
because you're still growing.
God's still revealing things to you.
And then that might lead to engagement.
Do you all know that we have a thing called Symbus
that Jackie will offer if you all get into a level three
Marriage-minded relationship
Raise your hand if you do not know what Simba says, I know my four five girls got their hands up
Simba's is short for save your marriage before it starts
It's like a premarital counseling
Okay, I think Bethany and her husband will coach it now David and Jackie have done it in the past
My husband and I took it with David and Jackie and so you take this like extensive evaluation and in that group
like you go in with other couples and
You start getting like down to the nitty-gritty and
Really learning about some things about each other and like how you handle things
okay about how you handle money and finances and kids and in-laws and you know chores and
all sorts of things
Okay, how do you handle a crisis situation?
Like how do you handle paying bills?
Who's in charge of of the chores? Are you like all the things? Okay
So it's savior savior marriage before it starts
okay, so and that's like for people that have been exclusive and they are in the conversation of hey,
We are looking to get engaged or some people are already engaged by the time that they get into that program and that that course
and
ladies
There's typically always couples that break up
Because things get revealed
You'll hear Jackie say that she's not just a matchmaker she's a matchbreaker and
And that's not always a negative thing
We want you but we're not gonna be breaking up people because they're not doing hard work and working with God
You want to be partnering with him, okay
That's important
Because then you're gonna get in marriage ladies and guess what there's still gonna be things that surface
like
Unless you're someone that's like I'm just like looking to
Get married to my spirit mate and oh realized. Nope. Not my spirit mate. I'm gonna get divorced. I
Mean some of us have already been divorced before and we don't want that or we didn't choose divorce the first time
We don't want to be put in a position of that again
So let's go. We want to work through the hard work. Okay, I
Don't know if we already left but
Okay, so that's why it's important to really take hold of this ladies
Okay, this dating is not about just keeping someone it's about revealing alignment
Okay, if you're noticing a lot of negativity coming up
It's it might be an invitation to pause some things
It's not like I'm gonna quit but it could be I I just need to reset if there's some negativity
that's really coming up and there's just this like resistance to
Really be looking at things from a positive perspective and shift out of that. It's okay to press pause and
reset
spend time in prayer
Journal through what you're feeling be coming into the community be open to surrendering this stuff with the Lord. Okay?
But ask but you have to be willing to ask yourself what beliefs may have formed
Through these experiences the ones that you're going through now and the ones that you have gone through the past
Where does it feel familiar and I want you to begin to briefly replace those beliefs with truth
because when your identity starts shifting ladies that energy is going to shift and
Then the the dating experience is going to follow
So I want you ladies to leave here this week
With a few questions to reflect on
Where has negativity started to shape how you see dating?
What beliefs are you carrying
What beliefs are you carrying that may not be true
And how are you going to show up differently
To trust that alignment is working for you
Where is negativity started to shape in your dating
You
What beliefs are you carrying that might not be true?
How are you going to show up differently if you were trusting that alignment is
working for you?
I want you ladies to just sit for just a moment and remind yourself you're not
behind, okay?
Fun fact, if we did that, like if I did that, y'all, I would have thought I
failed that marriage. Like, oh my gosh, what did I do? I've been like, oh my gosh
Jackie, you're gonna have to fire me because I didn't do this hard work thing
right because I'm not getting this marriage thing right. No, that's not true.
That's just not true. God uses everything. He pulls all this out for
healing, okay? The goal is not gonna be to avoid the negative experiences, all
right? I know we don't like the negative experiences. It doesn't feel good. Patty,
I know you're saying something, girl. Let me have it, girl. What you got? Oh, I was
just saying that's my goal. I've had a lot of negative already, so I'm like let's not
repeat that, okay? I feel you, girl. But here, I want you to take this, write this down.
You're being refined and prepared. That negative feeling and that negative
experience, it won't last forever, okay? Remember the God that did things in the
past and performed miracles in the past? And we don't have those negative things
anymore because God did something really amazing. He is the same God now and he's
gonna be the same God in the future. Because guess what, ladies? There's gonna
be things that happen in our future and we don't, we're not even in charge of
that. We don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow. We don't know what's gonna
happen five years from now. We don't know what negative feeling we're gonna have
to experience in five, ten, fifteen years. What we do know is God, that even if we
have to go through the trials and tribulations, we have a Father who loves
us, who's for us, who gave us a son that literally has already defeated
the enemy who has saved us
and has won the battle.
Like, whew, I feel, I feel that, ladies. I don't know about you all.
Count it all joy, comfort and joy, regardless of what we feel. Y'all, my
husband says this all the time. It used to drive me crazy. I don't even know if
I'm ready to tell him that I'm even telling you ladies that I'm learning
from him. So, it is our secret. Do not tell him this. My husband, this is what
he says and I, oh ladies, it makes me cringe. He's like, feelings aren't facts.
I'm like, yeah, but feelings matter. But he's always telling me, he's like, you're
not supposed to allow your feelings to like make you decide what you're gonna
like. He's just, he is, I am the overly emotional one. So, it's like because I
have the like over emotion, I had to marry someone that has like no emotion
because I have enough emotion for the both of us. And y'all like, Rosie's putting
a thumb up, y'all like, ladies, and let me tell you, you marry someone that
literally is like, he'll get to you. But I'm like, but he's, he's, sometimes, not
gonna give him all the credit yet, sometimes he's right. We can't always
just lead with our feelings. Our feelings aren't facts.
Okay
Have a good day Nancy our feelings aren't fact
Okay, so we're gonna have those negative emotions. We're gonna have those but it's not fact
The only thing that's fact is the the Word of God. That's truth
so
When we got our feelings we got to take our feelings to the Lord
Like sometimes you know, I have to take my feelings to God because my husband does not understand emotion and does not understand my feelings
He's having to learn welcome to the first couple years of marriage ladies
We're two different beings, okay men and women are very very different. Okay, so you're not gonna avoid negative experiences
Your goal is to become a woman that remains grounded
Open and aligned through your negative experiences
Because that is a woman who can receive love fully
Ladies I'm living it. I lived it as a single. I lived it when I was dating
I lived it when I was engaged and ladies, let me tell you now
I'm living it as a married person and you all are gonna live it too as a married person and you're gonna be so
Thankful and you're gonna feel so blessed like I cannot tell you how like I'm frequently
reaching out to Jackie mean like
Jackie I wouldn't be where I'm at if it wasn't for you in this community
Thank you for being obedient to God and teaching the hard work
Because this marriage thing ain't easy
And I'm so glad that I have some tools on how to navigate this
Because I got heart work
Like I'm so so thankful I
Get to walk now with a partner
I get to walk now with a partner
Who also loves the Lord even though he doesn't perfect action all the time
And I
Get to walk alongside this partner on earth and he gets to love me while I take imperfect action
And don't do it perfectly and we have a God that loves the both of us and loves marriage
That we both can literally surrender our marriage and each other
And ourselves to God and trust that God's got us
And ourselves and our family our kids and all of it
Like ladies, it's a good feeling. Let me tell you like
You are going to be so blessed and you are gonna be so ready and you're gonna be so prepared for that time
That God brings you your spirit mate
So don't be discouraged don't be dismayed because God's got you God's with you he's for you
You are in this season of preparing and you are gonna be so thankful in these moments
That you had to go through some negative feelings and negative experiences because it's just gonna have prepared you
for the next level
All right, my ladies that got questions I want you to type your questions in the chat
And then I'm gonna answer your questions
You
Sound good
You ladies ready to tackle all the negative experiences and all the
All the all the things all the
Challenges that come with
Dating in life
All right, Gail
Yeah, I need desperate help, okay, I made a choice
Last time local guy. Did you tell I
Did you tell the long-distance guy he was not the choice I told him
That he was only friend level that I was going exclusive for local guy
But, both of them are still, he's being respectful of that, but as we were here, I'll give you
an example.
The long distance guy drove an hour, he found out I was in the, went to the hospital, and
he drove an hour, and he just texted me about a half an hour ago, check your porch, and
he left me a bag of food, homemade meals, candy, cookies, I mean, two big grocery bags.
Okay.
And he's constantly...
Let's stop you, okay?
Let's stop you so we can...
How did he find out you were at the hospital?
He's on my Facebook.
He's a friend on Facebook.
Okay.
And I posted that I was feeling blessed because the results were good.
But he keeps, he's been checking in with me.
As a friend, I'm going to always be a friend.
If you ever need anything, I'm there.
And then he popped the question two days ago, you know I really love you.
Okay.
And truthfully, both men are top notch.
Okay.
Hold that thought.
What did you tell local guy?
Did you tell local guy that you had made a choice and he was your choice?
That was...
Yeah.
When I texted a distance guy and said the choice, he was ecstatic.
He said that he was in the process of pulling away from me because he was not going to deal
with two men in my life.
Okay.
And he was going to make a choice.
Does he know that distant guy is still in contact with you and is still bringing you
gifts?
Yeah.
The gifts just arrived today, but the distance guy sent me a friendship card last week, which
I promptly showed the local guy, see, I'm getting a card from him.
You know, I guess we're still friends.
He said, that's fine as long as it's just friends.
But now I'm starting to get really confused because I do have strong feelings for both.
I do.
Okay.
Gail, I'm going to ask you this, if, let me see, I've known local guy three months, tad
over three months.
I've known distance guy tad over two months.
Okay.
Let me, okay.
Let me reframe this.
Okay.
So let's say this moves forward to local guy, this moves forward to marriage or any marriage.
Let's say you get married to anybody.
What is your thoughts about married couples having friends of the opposite sex?
Okay.
Then why is it different in dating?
Well I thought in the beginning of this journey, dating for a discovery that I think it was
mentioned don't, you shouldn't be talking to two or three men and that's exactly what
I did.
I eliminated 20, 30 guys, got down to these two and then it was like not be exclusive
ideally until three months, which just happened with local guy.
So I, that's why I was, I mean, I couldn't make my mind up.
Couldn't make my mind up.
Now I've got to make the exclusive, but.
Okay.
Now I'm going to go back to another question here.
Okay.
So when you went and told distance guy, Hey, this is just friend category.
Do you see how you still left the door open?
Why?
Yeah.
Because, because honestly, um, I care a lot about him and he's my go to guy.
Local guy is very busy, um, sees me six days out of seven.
Make sure he stops by to see me, but he's busy in his life and the distance guy, both
are retired and the distance guy, um, I reach out to him in crisis sometimes, like with
health.
I thought I had cancer.
They said I had something.
So what really started this going is the distance guy had stage four cancer, went through
a horrible time and is now cancer free.
So I immediately reached out to him thinking, okay, this is where I'm going.
And that's kind of how we really started chatting a lot.
And then he found out I ended up in the hospital through.
via Facebook and okay okay so you've got some you've got some things that i want you to sit
and process okay and it is going to be really important that you get honest get honest with
yourself get honest with god get honest with us as your coaches okay remember there's no judgment
here okay i'm i'm coaching this all out of love just i want you to hear that i want you to hear
my heart in that okay i really do want you to ask like what what is this revealing to you like what
are you believing because you told me the local guy he's there he sees you six times
a week but he's busy but distance guy you're reaching out to him and you like that too
well he reaches out to me just as much as i reach out to him but just since this last crisis
hold on hold on i'm not talking about him reaching out to you i'm talking about what's it do with
for you okay i want you to look inward we're not going to look outward we're looking inward
this is where we're going to get we're going to get real honest with ourselves
what is god wanting a highlight
is it FOMO i don't know so again i process it okay i want you to sit and i really want you
to pray about it sit and go through the process really ask god god what what are you trying to
reveal to me i want you to sit and think about ladies and now i'm now i'm going to coach to the
group okay and these are going to be things and what i want you to hear me when i say this
there's no right or wrongs these are guardrails and i want you okay so some of the things that
you you made choices about i want you to think about why you made the choice
to be a that have him be your friend on facebook because now you've opened the door for personal
relationship okay now he can see if you're posting that you're in the hospital i mean these are
this is it's that's a private thing and now someone you've known only just a couple months now
as an open door to know some personal information and you just told him hey i only see you as a
friend which again i want you to ask yourself why are you still keeping a door open for you
you had two choices you said okay i'm going to choose the local guy you didn't close the door
to distance you left it cracked you just told me that in a marriage you don't think that
you know a husband and wife need to have friends of the opposite sex
it's really no different in an exclusive relationship but you just left the crack
you left the door open yeah there's a crack there so i want you to really process like
what led like what were you believing what was the feeling what was the fear
that you felt if you shut it all the way and shut it and locked it what was the fear if you
if you locked it and threw away the key what was the fear as to why you didn't close it all the way
process that ask god what was that okay and then to kind of go back ladies to this
discovery dating yes you're going to talk to multiple men at those early levels okay you're
sitting here trying to figure out like what do i like what do i not like okay i'm thinking a lot
of what kind of led you to kind of hang on to these two two guys and maybe a few others
is something that you were believing that was there was a fear of having to let go of something
so no we we don't want you to get super close to two or three or four different guys at the same
time the the dating multiple people is in those early stages after a few months of getting to know
and having some revealing of okay why is this difficult why can't this is when we have that
responsibility to surrender to god and say okay i need some revealing for healing here what what
why is this as hard like lord what do you want to show me okay there's and you didn't do anything
wrong this is just the process okay every promise has a process
Okay, you're gonna grow and you're gonna learn from this and then so then we want
to make sure that when we start having we want to catch these things and then
allow God to reveal things to us and then when we start stepping into that
exclusivity yeah we're gonna pick one to focus on as we walk to finding is this
someone we're gonna get into an exclusive relationship with and then we
really we got to close that door for all the others but I really want you asking
yourself what fears and thoughts and anxious thoughts are coming up because
you told me earlier you had that anxious attachment what what are those anxieties
that are surfacing and what is the lie what is God say the truth is and let's
let's process through that and and we got you you're gonna get through this
but I'm going to encourage you you're gonna have to unfriend this guy okay
you're gonna have to put the boundary up and say look I am dating someone else
and it's just not respectful to you to me or to this other gentleman if I
continue this friendship I appreciate you you've been a gem I need to I owe it
to myself and I owe it to you and I owe it to this other person to close the
door so that I give the respect to myself in this other relationship and
I'm also respecting you so that you can find the person that you're supposed to
be with I I'm still gonna search it out but I do think it's the local guy that
I mentioned earlier that is super friendly with every person in his path
and I still think that there's that reservation okay I think I think that's
the point is like he he has female friends from 35 years ago that they're
constantly texting and the one is single family friend but she's single
says he has no interest in her and I think the real I do know the reason I
kept the door open his friend is I was thinking if he can have a friend I can
have a friend but do you see like for you it's like but your heartstrings are
in it again remember ladies men and women are built differently we are okay
it just is so for him to him you might be like well this means nothing for us
it could be different it's different all right so here's the thing you just be
like look I don't I and you can communicate to me like look I for me I
can't have a guy friend and it just be okay because this is what is bothering
me I thought I could just have this guy as a friend but it's it's it's not
working for me but I realized I'm I'm also not comfortable that you have
friends that are women and I really want to try to work this out but I I don't I
don't know what the boundaries are and I I I'm not sure where I'm at with this I
mean it's having the honest conversations but like I said it's about
processing with the Lord spend that time ladies this is what we taught literally
going into action so this is what moving forward when we're coming in the
app and asking questions and we're coming here to these group calls I want
us really to be working at getting really good with this process changing
our question into like this process of use utilizing the heart work getting our
confidence like we talked about last week and shifting into this positive
like how am how is God partnering with me so that I can grow and heal how am I
using this as a positive experience how are these situations that I'm going to
find myself in dating going to bring me fruit okay yeah love love that's a good
question like why is this other guy not able like why is the long-distance guy
not he's probably got some wounds too ladies we're not the only ones with
wounds men are too
they are
some men will have worked through them and some men won't or haven't doesn't
mean that they can't okay
oh yeah
Well, that's, that's a good question too. So Gail, Lovelet's asking, why can't this,
the, the local guy that you're dating, why can't he let the lady friends go? Have you
asked him to let go of the lady friends? This lady friend is his, um, she owns a huge
estate on skinny Atlas Lake, which is a big, huge resort. And he, for 35 years has been the grounds
keeper, um, takes care of the buildings. So it's been a friendship working relationship.
Um, and then she ended up getting divorced and so then he feels more responsible for,
so it's a source of income as well. Can you all talk about what the boundaries look like? I mean,
the two of you might have to sit down because if it's a working thing, you guys might have to sit
down and have a compromise of what that looks like. Ladies, that's marriage too. I mean,
not that they're married right now or, you know, getting married. I don't, I don't even know if
that's even a topic of conversation right now, but, um, this is what relationship looks like.
It's about coming together in conflict and having resolved with each other.
I do have to say this. Um, and I think this is about the time I told him it was exclusive that
again, local guy is also on my Facebook account cause he is friends with a lot of my friends,
former neighbor. Yeah. And I noticed that when I made a post, he would put a heart, you know,
his, his, uh, local guy, local guy would put a heart under my post and then the same heart he
would post with this working relationship, family, friend, girl. So she'd get a heart,
I get a heart. And so I told, I did, I said, that's just not acceptable. What's the, that's a
red heart is love. And we had that conversation, but I think that's where I all of a sudden said,
maybe I'll keep long distance guy on until I can get this figured out in my brain.
And that's what I'm saying. Like, that's where I would again, come like be taking these types
of things before, before the Lord. Like these are just things as they're surfacing, ladies,
I want you to really encourage you ladies, like anything that comes up posted in the app,
like, Hey, this has happened. And this is what I'm thinking. This is, this is something that
bothered me or Hey, this person happened. Am I reading too much into this? That's,
that's why you all are in this community. And that's why you have this membership.
We're here to give you, you know, coaching. We're here to walk the process out. And ladies,
it's, it's no different. Like you don't just, when you, when you are told an exercise of like,
Hey, you, you learn this new exercise for how to get like arm muscles or whatever, like, you know,
you're trying to, to, to strengthen your upper body. You don't do it once. And then all of a
sudden the arm muscles come there's repetition with doing the workout over and over and over and
over again at heartwork is no different. It's work. You have to be repetitive and keep repeating
the work with every one of your situations, everything that comes up, you apply the
heartwork to, and as you continue to work it, it will, you will get better over time.
You'll get stronger over time. Okay. So, you know, if don't ever like, I know a lot of ladies,
I had lady, I mean, I've had ladies, I mean, like I said, I've been doing this over two years,
the ladies before they would always be like, I'm so sorry. I post so much. I'm so sorry. I post so
much. Ladies, I would rather you post so much. And even if we can't get to every single question,
I, we do read every single one. I may not get to every one, but at least we're seeing it. And
you're seeing it because you're having to go out and process it because guess what?
You're still, if you're going in there and you're, you're processing in the app, guess what,
who else you're processing it with? You're processing it with God. You're actively doing
action. You're actively working through the heartwork process. Okay. I would rather you ladies
blow up the app, then hold onto it or just wait for the weekly call or, oh, you had to miss a weekly
call or watch. Like I would really like be encouraged to come in as frequent as you, as you
need to. Okay. So then that way, when those things come up, we, we can be those blind spots for you.
That's what we're here for. That's why you're in this community. That's let us be that resource
for you. Okay. And all your sisters are in here too.
because guess what you're in there encouraging each other your sisters are
got your back to all right and if they see that myself or Ebony like might have
scrolled past and not been able to respond to you guess what your sisters
are gonna call us out to especially now since I don't get all the notifications
all the time like I like we're here together we're in this together we're
all holding each other up okay so Gail I want you processing for the next you
know for the few days but go out and have some fun with yourself too okay
don't put all your energy hey otherwise you're gonna stress yourself out and you
don't need that okay take care of yourself love yourself all right do some
fun things for you but I want you to spend some some moments with the Lord
and I want you to come and I want you to share with what God is revealing to
you okay and we're here for you all right I hope this blesses you we got you
girl all right I think the next one that I saw I'm still scrolling up here um
let's see okay we've got a Luani she left okay so I don't know if I got let's
see I'm gonna have to copy and paste some of this stuff so that I go in and
respond in the app Micaela did you did you post your question
I don't see Micaela sorry I didn't unmute I did not okay it was kind of
lengthy so I saw Micaela and wanted to them and then I'll then I'll come back
to you okay yeah I'm sorry I'm gonna have to pop off here in a little bit so
I don't know maybe I can just post it on the page or and if you want to post in
here I'll grab it and then I will if if I get to posting in the app before you
have a chance I'll call you that too okay I can just post it on the app
sometime okay sounds good all right I'm scrolling down and seeing I
don't know I did put it in there okay thanks okay let me go back
I know I saw it I saw you and Wanda's so that's what I want to make sure okay
was it that he made an assumption that he could get in my car was there
something yeah that's me that's me yeah was it the how how would you handle a
first date arriving at a meeting spot with no car yeah okay so you you get to
a first date you you meet somewhere and you don't have did I'm guessing he
didn't have a car he didn't have a car and he didn't make that known because I
was like next time I was like I didn't realize you were this far next time
we're meeting in the middle buddy laugh out loud okay he's actually let me
finish reading now read this out loud so everybody that might not be reading the
chat or can access it okay but some people watch and replay okay so he made
the assumption that he could get in my car we were meeting to play pickleball
at the park and hike I made an assumption that he had a car which I
would have probably made the assumption to I let him get in but thinking back it
wasn't safe didn't think it through it was a last date because I kept feeling a
weird disgusting feeling around him as we were walking and talking how would
you have responded when he showed up with no car to get to the pickleball
court okay so you all arrived to a spot and then you all had to go to the
pickleball court so you had to drive there yeah we had to there was it's it
was when I was asking I was like what's the address to the pickleball court he
was just like it's gonna be easier to meet at the YMCA let's meet at the YMCA
and even before that I was just like wow you're a lot further out so I put my app
I put the reason why I got someone farther out is because that's how I set
up for the app because it's someplace that I'm I might near my new church and
I'm actually planning on moving out there so it was an hour about an hour
and 22 minutes for me but I'm like you get grace because it's close to my
church and so I own some of it I was like I should have you know I totally
forgot that I changed my app settings but he could have told me that he didn't
have a car when I was saying all that via text like I don't have a car I'm
taking a train it's probably it was I think it was easier for him to take the
train to the YMCA which is where he usually works out he said he did work
out that morning and then I thought from there he had a car we were just gonna
meet I didn't you see the piece that I'm missing so he's working up to my so
I'm like he's like where are you I'm like
I'm in the parking lot.
I didn't go inside the YMCA.
I'm like, I'm in the parking lot in my car.
Where are you?
I don't see you.
Cause I know some guys like, you know,
they'll want you to be where, you know, for a first date.
I don't want to be around.
So you all met at the YMCA?
That's his gym.
We met at his gym because the park,
the Pickleball Park wasn't too far from the YMCA.
Did you all have walks there?
No, it was like,
it would have been about an hour walk to the park,
but maybe like 45 minute walk to the park.
I guess we, that's a good point.
No, it just would, it would have been too far.
It is a little bit complicated.
It wasn't really easy to navigate.
In that case.
Okay.
Because again, like, yeah, like I get it.
Like it's a little bit uncomfortable again,
like just because we,
we were wanted someone to tell us
that they didn't have a car or we have like a,
Hey, we're just like uncomfortable.
Sometimes other people don't have that boundary.
You're right.
That he did that.
So the way out of that,
so that you still get to hold true to your boundary
and you still feel comfortable.
You're at a gym.
I would have been like, Hey, I'm, I'm sorry.
I, I have a,
I have a boundary that I don't let people
know that I don't know very well in my car.
Had I known that you,
I thought you were going to drive here.
I didn't know that you were expecting me to drive us there.
Is there a way that you can get to the pickleball
and we can continue our date?
Or is there something that we can do,
do here at this location?
Yeah.
I would switch it.
I would, I would literally otherwise just be like,
I'm sorry.
I may have to, like, we may have to just reschedule.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Thanks for saying that.
Cause I really felt like I was,
think I was more angry at myself and I was like,
why did I, you know, it was the people pleasing thing.
Like I didn't want to get him upset or like,
Oh, it's potential.
I don't want to overthink, but that was my boundary.
And it comes to find out as we were talking,
like, I think he may have had like a rough history.
You know, he was saying that he has to,
has some anger management issues and he's, you know,
he'll get in a fight.
Like there were places where I was driving.
He wanted me to just not let someone through.
Like his character was actually coming in a way.
It was a blessing.
Cause I got to see his character right away
with like road rage.
He has some kind of road rage going on.
Cause yeah.
And so it was coming on.
Otherwise it wouldn't have came out.
And I was thinking about it.
I'm like with all this weird, like,
and then my whole body,
I felt disgusted spiritually and like physically with him.
I didn't tell him that,
but I've never felt like disgusted.
Like something was like,
and not even he's very attractive,
but there was something about him,
like being around him.
I felt like, ick, like, yuck.
And okay, this is good.
So let's, let's take,
can I take this and teach from this,
from what we just talked about?
Please, please.
This is good.
Ladies, this is what I want you.
Like, this is the process.
So that's why I'm going to take it.
We're going to, we're going to extend the time here.
Okay. Cause then I got Wanda's too.
I want to, I want to answer her question as well.
So do you see how,
if we would have just addressed the,
what you do and you kind of left the,
it's okay.
Cause I got this disgusting feeling
and I don't really want to like deal with that.
You would have just solved the surface level problem.
Well, like I have this scar
that I don't want to have people drive in my car, right?
Like, how do I do that?
So I avoid all of that stuff, right?
I avoid.
Don't even let them in.
Right?
I'm going to avoid it.
Cause I don't want to see it.
I had not committed it.
But if, if you were not given this opportunity,
you got like, because of this opportunity,
God got to, is, is revealing something to you.
Cause you told me you got angry with yourself.
There was people pleasing.
You were, do you see how now
there's some revelation that's coming?
Oh yeah.
And all of a sudden you're like, okay, so that's good.
You can learn from this
and now you're going to know how to respond in the future.
So you don't find yourself
in an uncomfortable situation again
and how to hold a boundary and not feel uncomfortable
but God's going to want to go a little deeper with you
and help you heal what actually is creating
this needing to people, please.
You get to go do some of that work.
You get to go do some of that healing
and go, go spend some time with the Lord and say, okay, Lord
what am I believing?
And what does your truth say about me?
So that when
surfaces like this again, whether it's a situation, a people-pleasing thing
surfaces in you, or a discomfort, you don't feel like you can put a boundary up, surfaces,
whether it's in a relationship, or with a family member, or with a stranger,
whatever, you've worked through a process with the Lord of healing this reaction
to a situation, a response, or a belief that is coming from a place that's not
God. Okay? And so instead, you would have just solved, okay, now I'm just gonna put
a guard up, and I'm not gonna allow anybody to ever get in my car, and now I
have a tool that I'm gonna, no one's ever gonna be in my car again, and now we're gonna
like a guard, instead of like actually learning, and getting some wisdom, and
getting some healing, and some growth, and why that's important, why do you put the
boundary up of not putting somebody in your car? Because it's wisdom, it's a
boundary, and the boundary isn't about not letting people in your car, the
boundary is saying, I'm valuable enough so that my boundaries matter, and I can
vocalize what my boundaries are, no matter who it is, I don't have to please
anybody, because if God gives me a gift of discernment, that's how he protects me,
and so I know he gives me discernment so that I can set boundaries, and I can be
kind with those boundaries, and people are gonna be respectful of those, and
that's gonna show me wisdom of who is safe, and who's not, because if someone's
not gonna respect my boundary, that person's not safe, and then I can make a
choice to leave, that's wisdom, ladies, that is wisdom.
I love that.
Okay, that's why we're not coming here just to, hey, Carla, Ebony, what am I
supposed to do here? No, we're here, what Lord, what do you want to reveal? We're
getting underneath the surface, okay, so now she gets to go really sit with the
Lord and process, like, oh, Lord, thank you, you are, you are a God that protects me,
you are my defender, Lord, I thank you for that, and so she's not gonna sit here
and go into the next situation with a guarded heart, she's not gonna let this
experience change her mindset so that she's going up with all the, I don't know,
you know, she's like, oh, like, she was already protected, she let that guy in,
and God was like, you know what, I got my daughter, and she's gonna be safe, and
she's gonna see some things, and she needs to see that this people pleasing
thing in her is not gonna lead her somewhere it's safe, and she needs to
learn that she doesn't have to please people, that I give her discernment, and
she can trust her feeling, and she can trust that she can put boundaries in
place, I have given her wisdom, she can speak up for herself, she can value
herself, she can love herself, she can kindly tell someone, I'm sorry, I'm just,
I'm gonna have to reschedule, or can we do something around here, she can give
options, and then she got some, like, look at all the growth that she's gonna get
from this, that's what I want you ladies to start this, that's the discovery
dating piece, that it's not just us sitting here like, okay, how do I get some
dating strategy, I do different, okay, how do I, like, tell a guy, like, you ain't
getting my car, like, okay, yeah, you're not getting in my car, but hey, I'm sorry,
I didn't know that you didn't have a car, and had I known that, I would have
suggested us to meet at the pickleball court, I don't let guys in my car that I
don't know, had I known that, I would have, I would have given that, I would have
told you that, and so my apologies if this is inconvenient, but it's important
to me that we drive separately. Would that be okay with you? If he gets an attitude, and it
sounds like, you know, if he had some road rage, or whatever, he had some anger
management issues, girl, you wouldn't even have to, you wouldn't even have to see that, you would have,
God would have revealed it right there. Right, right. I would have been like, okay, that's my signal to,
hey, well, I apologize, I hope you have a blessed
let's stay and you and you block them right you get your get your butt home
you first you don't eat well he doesn't have a car so it's not like he's following you home
unless he can run really really fast
so um ladies like now you now y'all are applying these like tools and you're getting real wisdom
and this is how you're getting closer to your spirit mate
and you're not allowing some of these negative experiences to shape your identity and this
dating piece and like keeping you stuck in any patterns you're getting like healing through
these experiences this is what i mean when god is going to take dating for discovery
and utilize that in that preparation period nothing gets wasted but it takes a surrendered
heart an open heart a honest heart a vulnerable heart for us to do that okay no thank you paula
that was awesome thank you i know this is like super super long and i'm hoping that
people that had to jump off were able to get and replay because that was
that was powerful mika thank you so much for sharing sharing that with us
you're welcome thanks for that feedback absolutely all right wanda i'm going back to your question
here um okay i saw your feelings aren't fat okay let me see i think you're a little further down
maybe did you you posted your question i thought i did post my question um and sorry if the camera
if you see girl is it upside down it is but you're fine i don't know how to fix it i'll just
i feel like there's like one of those i don't know i think it was alice in wonderland or there's
some of those like one of those movies where everything was upside down that's what i'm just
so i've been trying maybe by the next time i'll have it all worked out but yes my question has
to do with a dating experience that i had recently this is my first dating experience i was married
over 30 years and have been separated in divorce for over four years okay and i have done a lot of
healing and deliverance through other platforms you know sozo just straight up ministry that does
you know casting out demons the whole thing breaking soul ties so but i have found it very
helpful to go through the heart work here um so another like yeah you know tipping point that's
what jackie calls it exactly so i a couple a few days before my birthday on march 15th i just felt
like i had to put my dating profile together i just did one just so i wouldn't get overwhelmed
i went to facebook because i've been hearing that you get a big pool of you know men through that so
right away a couple people started talking to me out of those two people one really was pursuing me
we were talking for like a week straight every day for like an hour then we got together on us
on a sunday we did an event a skin care event together then we went out to get a bite to eat
really no no red flags you know maybe a couple yellow fat flags but i was going to continue to
push through um i didn't have a lot of chemistry attraction to him but i think he had more towards
me but we got to a place in our conversation where i wanted he he was asking about my marriage
and then i was asking him about his last uh you know relationship and and uh he said that it was
like two years ago so that was good because he didn't just pull out of one relationship and
start to go back into the dating pool uh but he did say well you know just through knowing him
all these days and hours of talking to him and spending five hours with him on a sunday
so it wasn't like you know this was the first date the first day ended up that long because
the event the skin care event was long it was a couple hours then we went out to eat and we i mean
i was comfortable we have a lot we had a lot of things in common he told me what church he
attended he'd been attending there for i don't know it seems like years okay especially during
the time he was with this other serious relationship which he said he was engaged
but when he told me that he was living with this person that's when a red flag did go up
so i basically you know uh said to him look i'm not judging you but i will say this about me
i said and and what i believe the bible is saying about premarital sex all that kind of stuff i
said for me i'm going to take a biblical stance here i i will not be having premarital premarital
sex with anyone i believe that marriage is
is supposed to be within the context of marriage, you know?
And that was it, I said.
But we were both going to a call right away.
He had a Zoom call, I had a Zoom call,
and it abruptly ended.
But I thought, oh, maybe he's gonna pull away or whatever.
But he texted me later and said
he wanted to finish the conversation,
which I was like, you know, surprised, pleasantly surprised.
But before I would engage in a conversation with him again,
I was armed and dangerous already by then
because I grabbed that article that was written by Jackie
where it talks about why people don't want to wait for sex
and 12 science-backed reasons.
So I cut, pasted, put it in a Word document
and emailed it to him.
And I asked him if he would please read it
before we talked about that conversation.
And he said he would.
So by the time we connected the next day,
he said, yes, I received the email,
I read the article, thank you for the article.
It was an eye-opening article.
He goes, I wish I would have known this information
in the past.
But then he says, but what I'm realizing is
that I am not ready to date, he tells me.
And then I was like, okay,
well, thank you for letting me know now
because obviously nothing,
no boundaries were crossed or anything like that.
He was pretty much a gentleman from what I can tell.
So I said, okay, fine.
I said, well, you know what?
If you want to continue talking at some point,
you know, maybe friendship, whatever, that's fine.
As long as, you know,
I'm not in a serious relationship by then.
But yeah, you know, I says,
but I do recommend you take the program I'm taking.
And I told him a little bit about it.
I did, I says, it sounds like you need some hard work.
Hey, everybody needs it.
I'm still doing it.
I'm going to be probably forever doing it
and we go be with Christ.
And so it ended really good,
but for a minute there was stinging a little bit
because it was so hot and heavy
and lots of conversations, good ones too,
for a whole week, you know,
and then being with him for five hours,
it was starting to be like, I mean, I'm still not,
you know, the chemistry isn't there,
but I'm liking him as a person.
And then we hit that one, you know,
discussion about premarital sex.
And that was what, boom, it broke the camel's back there.
Oh, that, yeah, no, yeah, yeah.
But I'm just wondering if it was too soon to bring it up,
but we had talked a lot during that week.
So I don't know.
Okay, so this is again,
so like what did that situation reveal to you?
What is it, what do you feel is it bringing up in you?
Not really anything.
I mean, I'm not going to be,
I don't regret talking about premarital sex.
I don't regret saying that the Bible is very clear
about how God views premarital sex.
And therefore, when I continue this dating journey,
again, I'm going to have to make sure
that hours have been spent talking about just,
you know, positive things.
You know, who are they today?
What were some of their accomplishments?
Maybe some of their dreams or goals, aspirations,
like keep it light, you know?
But if it gets to a point-
Okay, so this is what this is showing you.
So know how I said, it's this for you,
it's not become negativity right yet, okay?
Because you are locked in and this is good.
Like, I'm glad that you don't have a negative look on this.
Okay?
This is really, really good.
So, but what it's direct,
like this experience of what it's directing you,
instead of saying, you know, you're not asking like,
well, why is this happening?
But you are asking, well, should I have done this?
Like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do here, okay?
Okay, and that's not necessarily a bad question, okay?
But the first question we want to ask is,
what is it revealing to me?
What I'm hearing you say is,
well, I don't regret my standard
that premarital sex is not on the table.
That's a standard.
That's a non-negotiable for you.
And ladies, I want to say that non-negotiable
is for all of you, okay?
All right, we encourage that here at Last Year Single, okay?
And like, she was armed for Jackie,
like she had Jackie's article, okay?
So Jackie, she gonna tell you that too,
it's not just me saying that, okay?
So that revealed to her like,
premarital sex is a non-negotiable.
Now, when he told you that.
at he had a live-in girlfriend at one point,
you could have probably drawn an assumption there, right?
Okay, you could have just sat with it,
you could have asked a question, okay?
Now, at Last Year Single, we're gonna encourage you
not to have those conversations right out the gate.
That's when you're getting information,
you're gonna say, that's a yellow flag.
I'm gonna need more information,
I'm gonna trust the Lord with this one,
I'm gonna get to know this person,
I'm gonna ask more questions,
I'm not leading it to sex questions just yet, okay?
We are also gonna encourage you not to,
when you're dating, it's lighthearted,
we're doing easy breezy, we're not there to teach them
to tell them like, hey, this is what the Bible says,
this is like, we're not there to be their pastor,
their preacher, their teacher, their mother,
we are there to show up in the feminine
as a divine feminine, someone who is wanting relationship
and gonna have that interaction with them.
We don't have to show up in a like,
well, I'm gonna tell you what the Bible says,
I'm gonna tell you what, we don't have to do that, okay?
All right, there's nothing wrong with what you did
because it's going to, it's, again,
it's data that you're using to bring wisdom,
there's nothing wrong with it, okay?
So you are recognizing, I have a standard
that premarital dating or premarital sex
is not an option, okay?
But you're gonna be able to take that information
and so that's the key there, all right?
So you're gonna sit there and learn from that.
I love how you handled all of that.
Like you were showing up and being clear and kind
and hey, you know, like I saw your heart,
it sound like he had a healthy response,
I can say not all men would respond that way.
Many men might get very offended by that
but again, it's not yours to carry.
If, you know, if he wasn't a mature man,
he could have gotten very offended
and who knows how he would have responded to you
and then that could have opened a door
for it to kind of carry and weigh on you.
So I'm thankful that he responded really maturely
so that you got to still like,
you got the opportunity of saying,
hey, here's this program, it's for men too, all right?
But again, we're not gonna sit here
and come into a space of like, hey, you need this.
You see how that can kind of show up to be a mom
and I don't want you stepping into any relationships
in the future where you might naturally show up as a mom
because you may end up, if you do that
and you start a relationship off and you go into,
because if you find someone that's looking for a mother
and you have a natural tendency to show up as a mother,
that's gonna create some conflict in the relationship
and that might not show up
until you're really invested in the relationship
and then that's gonna be a little trickier.
So right now, this is that revealing for healing piece
of like, what, Laura, what were you trying to reveal there?
Like, where did that come from?
Like, what is it that you're trying to show me through that?
Like, where did I feel,
why did I feel it necessary to show him
and teach him that what he was doing was not okay?
Why did I put that responsibility on myself?
Again, God, I love the fact that that guy was like,
hey, I might not be ready to date.
I mean, again, I am really thankful he was a mature man
because not all men would have shown up like that, not all.
So that's a win.
Okay, so I think that was good, I think that was powerful
but I think like, spend some time with God with that
and say, okay, God, like,
I don't want to show up like that frequently,
I wanna be mindful of that.
Because I think you would have still found out
that that guy was-
wasn't ready to date and that was not going to be an like premarital sex and his position
on it would have at some point kind of shown up and there would probably it wouldn't have
been so weighty like you know what I'm saying because I'm sure you're probably like like
I'm going to show him I mean if you're like me that's how I would have been like oh I'm
ready I'm ready to I'm ready to tell you what's up and so you know and it would just it like
again I just think that would be you know that's beneficial and again like I still like
the question of you're like was that the right thing to do you can still ask that and now
you can go to the Lord with me like Lord like this is important to me I want to release
to you God that you're going to show me in your timing and I'm trusting my heart God
with you that you're not going to align me with someone that thinks premarital sex is
okay so guess what because what I what I will say happens with women it happened with me
before the heart work I thought I had to just accept the fact that not having sex before
a marriage was just never going to happen that we lived in a world that just everybody
just has premarital sex that you know that rule in the Bible just is never it's just
not possible because the world that we live in and if I continue to show up like that
and I went into this like oh I'm going to show them where it says in the Bible I would
literally over time you're going to start realizing how it's going to start forming
this this process of like this belief of there's no men out there that are not going to have
sex before marriage it will grow that belief will start becoming what you start showing
up in and so that can grow and we're we're we're going to put an ax on that like we're
saying no no I'm coming against that because I'm letting God write my love story okay so
I love that question too so I'm glad we stay on a little longer don't get mad at me ladies
but that was really really good but I think once we really start applying some of these
teachings in our our app and once we can kind of keep these teachings going you ladies
are just going to accelerate these love stories because you guys are just going to keep working
these heartwork things and and you're going to reveal all these really wonderful things
okay all right I am going to pull all the other questions I think I got most of them
but you all may go ahead and sign off and then I will see you all next week but be thinking
about all of those dating all of those dating questions and whatnot sorry I'm trying to
do two things at once talk and all yep so yeah get all of those together be thinking about how
all of that stuff can be shifted into positive and how God wants to reveal all of that stuff
to you okay ladies and I will see you all next week all right talk to you later