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Ah, the recorded time, let's go.

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I hope you guys are having a good week.

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I know it's at the very beginning of the week, but me being a teacher, for the last two days

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when the kids come from recess, I feel so sleepy, like I'm telling you, like I be so

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sleepy I could barely teach the little children, I have to pray my way through the day, I'm

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concerned.

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I don't know what it is, I've been tired, and so I hope that y'all are off to a really

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good week.

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I know that tomorrow is sundown, if you guys go by the Hebrew calendar, starts Passover,

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excited about that.

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Yes, I did have a good spring break last night.

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I just, I don't know, like I had to make some comment, like, oh, I went to coffee, and I

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didn't make it a big thing.

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I wasn't trying to like, decide if he was, let me help Abby out.

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Anybody else on here excited about Passover?

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Anybody else?

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Keep up with those things.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Passover, we're excited.

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I lead prayer ministry at my church, and so we are working, since we're going to all be

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together for prayer tomorrow night, we're working on some prophetic acts and some things we

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could do.

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We're going to do some teaching on Passover and just kind of tap into that.

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Thanking God for what the bondage he has brought us out of, and we want to lay some more things

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at his feet to believe him for, because this is the time where we came out of Egypt.

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We came out of Egypt into the wilderness, and so this is exciting time, and it's a really

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exciting time because this is a really close time with the Gregorian calendar lines up with

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the Hebrew calendar this year, and so sometimes it's super far out, but it's not far out this

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year at all, so that's exciting.

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So anyway, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay.

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I hope everybody having a good day.

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I'm excited about that.

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Look, we want to just celebrate you ladies for staying encouraged, coming through like

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champs.

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Y'all are doing so well.

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You got to look at what your fellow sisters have been sharing.

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Everything is going so well.

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You ladies are doing so good.

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You're drawing encouragement from each other.

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You're encouraging each other.

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You're growing well.

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I'm excited for you.

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I'm happy for you.

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We are definitely using dating for discovery, and it's working really well for you.

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It is keeping your heart guarded, and that's always a good thing.

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Don't forget, we do offer one-on-one coaches.

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It is additional.

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One-on-one coaching is additional, but we have a lot of great coaches, and I know that

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you can benefit from it.

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Any new members tonight?

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It's your first time on the call with me.

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Let me see if I see any avatar hands.

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And while I'm passing through, hey, Susan and Jasmine and Jodi, and I think there's

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an Abby.

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Hello, hello.

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And Balls, is your name?

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Is it Shea?

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Do you say your last name?

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It's S-H-E-A.

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How do you say your name?

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It's Shea.

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Shea.

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Look at me.

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Okay, Shea.

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I couldn't hear you, but that's what happens when you try to teach phonics to little children,

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and then you try to use phonics on everything.

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Is that Shea?

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I get called that all the time.

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That's okay.

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Okay, great, great, great.

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Oh, Roseanne, it's so good to see you.

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I know you're driving, and look at Susan.

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She look like she's leaving a good old workout.

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You looking so fine.

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You gonna get you some numbers in that gym, baby.

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Okay, so let's get started.

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This is not about do you have any dating questions, but do you have any questions

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about how the program works, anything of such sorts?

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Ms. Eloise, you have a question?

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Go for it.

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Will you unmute and ask?

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Well, a lot, because the last two months I've been without a car and all this craziness,

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and so I'm way behind, and I know that it's self-discovery.

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I know that, but I don't know how this works.

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The program.

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So have you gotten your car?

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I beg your pardon?

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Did you get your car?

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You said you were going without a car.

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Didn't we kind of pray for your car when we were praying for it?

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Yeah, yeah, and so I just put it in the chat that me and my car-looking buddy, Larry,

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we found me.

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a 2015 Nissan Altima with 91,000 miles at a great price yes a couple little

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quick tweaks that needed to happen and so they took off $500 off the price of

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the car because we went to my mechanic so we had proof and all that stuff and

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so I had those little tweaks done today and got new two new tires and I'm like

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loving it so thank everybody for all your prayers because they worked yes

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praise Jesus yeah yeah we're so happy for you yeah we just have a longevity of

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your new car yeah yes and so the program basically works you're in phase two and

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this phase is dating for discovery we take the skill of dating and we use it

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to help discover ourselves and you find that a lot of the hard work that you

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worked on before you got here gets all the kinks get kind of ironed out from

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the process of dating because nothing nothing triggers us quite like male to

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female relationships or putting ourself in vulnerable spaces or trying to go

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against of ourselves you know go against our own bodily order when we get

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excited about meeting a man or we are gonna guard up for all sorts of things

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like this so you get a chance to work through things you didn't know were

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there because you know when it's just you and Jesus they don't feel like this

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so so that's what we do in phase two we ask that you watch one video a week and

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whatever your aha moments are that you post them and just share on your

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excitement Jackie's teachings are always amazing I don't care when I hear them

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they just never get old for me and that's how it works these coaching

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sessions are not just are not strictly for you and if you're dating that's just

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not how it works these sessions are for you as a whole person and though

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somebody may be talking about a date somebody else may be talking about a

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sibling relationship or parental relationship or working relationship or

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just something they're getting hung up on a fear that they're having we may

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need to join you in prayer to pray you through something and so this coaching

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is about the whole person there is a seven-day challenge at Jackie issues at

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the beginning on your kick kick off video you do not have to have seven days

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before you go to phase three that's just simply not true um you can spend

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about four to six weeks in phase two mean you can send a email to admin and

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ask them to move you over to phase three we have some people who stay much longer

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than four to six weeks and then we have some people who go over and they come

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back and visit us like um Mandy she comes and visits us and we're always

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happy to have her and there's some other ladies who come to visit us as well and

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so you always have a home here and that's basically how it goes any

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questions you have you post in the app and we'll try to follow up with you and

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kind of coach as much as we can from from that space does that help oh yeah

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it just yeah I'm behind in my reading but you know you don't need to have

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watched the video to come to coaching session I'm glad you said that we may

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touch on one of the topics from a video but we're not going to be testing none

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of that we just take a small little amount and dig into it based on what we

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see everyone come like struggling with based on what we see most all of our so

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all of us are so much alike more than we know we're so much alike and so when we

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see the repeated thing in a cycle with us ladies then we'll try to teach on

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that a little bit more because everybody's struggling with the same

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thing basically at the same time sounds pretty good

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yep sounds great great you're welcome all right so tonight let's pray Jesus I

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thank you for these ladies I thank you for their kingdom marriages Oh God I

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thank you that we get an opportunity here at LYS to stand in agreement with

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heaven for a revival of kingdom marriages and I thank you that every one

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of their marriages is included in this revival and so father God as we join

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together on tonight I pray for heaven's wisdom that goes to the root of the

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issue and helps to bring us to the place where you designed and called us to be

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in Jesus name we pray amen all right so tonight I'm going to talk about

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something that I think is very very helpful

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And just so that you know, if you don't know much about me,

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I guess I was in the program about four years ago,

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maybe four and a half years ago now.

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Phase two was one of my most favorite phases.

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Of course, then Jackie was my coach.

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And so that was a treat indeed.

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But this phase helped me grow.

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It showed me so much about myself that I do not regret.

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And that's why it was most life changing for me.

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It truly did help me discover myself.

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It helped me discover my entitlement.

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It helped me discover my lack of grace,

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my lack of forgiveness,

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the expectations I had set on others

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to be what I wanted to be for myself.

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It helped me see all of my walls, all of my guards,

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and then I was set free.

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And so it made me powerful

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beyond anything that I could have imagined.

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And I'm so grateful for this program.

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I'm so grateful for all of Jackie's teaching

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and I'm grateful for dating, for discovery.

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It took me a while to get to hang of it.

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It took me a while to get past all of my excuses.

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And I did everything wrong

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because I thought my way was the best way,

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even though my way never worked.

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And when I finally just did what Jackie said do,

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I came out on the other side.

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But if you say it, I've said it.

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No doubt, I've said so many other things.

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Some of them sounded very holy and righteous

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and they didn't bring me any,

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but I was convinced.

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And so it changed my world and I'm excited about it.

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So in this space, there's so much grace.

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There's so much love.

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There's so much hope.

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And there's so much safety

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because most of the things you say, I've already said it.

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Most of the things you think, I've already thought it.

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And not just you all,

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every other woman that's come through the program.

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There's nothing new under the sun.

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We've heard it all and we're excited.

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We're excited.

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This is a no shame zone.

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We're excited to partner with you.

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So, yay.

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Tonight, we're gonna be talking about something

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that's kind of a little bit

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from where we picked up last time.

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Last week, we talked about confidence

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and how insecurities and confidence,

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they kind of go hand in hand.

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We oftentimes assume that when you're confident,

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it means you lack insecurity.

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But a confident woman,

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it's not that she lacks insecurity,

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it's that when insecurity arises,

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she deals with it and figure out what's happening.

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And so tonight, we're gonna kind of just piggyback

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off of that or pick up from there and move a little forward.

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And so we say this all the time in this phase,

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this is a dating for discovery phase.

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We say it so much because I hope that it will sink in

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on the inside of you

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and you can release the pressure off of yourself.

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Did I say it right?

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Did I do it right?

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You probably said it wrong.

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You probably did it wrong.

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That's why this is discovery.

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You're discovering yourself.

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You're getting some wind in your sail.

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You are believing against all odds.

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You are hoping for things you've not hoped for.

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You're letting down your guards and your walls

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and it's scary and it doesn't feel good.

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And that's what this is about.

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It's about discovering yourself.

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And so now that all of the weight is off of you,

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you can relax and have fun.

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So I say it over and over and over until you get it.

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Like I am here to discover me

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and it doesn't have to be so scary,

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which we work to get rid of your scarcity mindset.

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That means sometimes it shows up when we meet one person,

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we think, well, I didn't respond.

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Did I blow it?

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Or I really didn't, you know, did I, I should've,

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maybe I should've listened a little longer.

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Maybe I shouldn't have did it.

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Maybe I should've did that.

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We want you to see that you can't mess these things up.

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If you try, God is so much smarter than us.

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I don't even have a word for what he is.

248
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It's definitely not smart.

249
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It is much greater, but we can't mess this thing up.

250
00:14:01.880 --> 00:14:05.160
This process that you're in faith with the father with

251
00:14:05.160 --> 00:14:07.080
is designed with you and mine.

252
00:14:09.560 --> 00:14:13.840
Everything, the husband that you get to choose from

253
00:14:13.840 --> 00:14:15.560
is designed with you and mine.

254
00:14:16.560 --> 00:14:21.560
The process, God has designed it with you and mine.

255
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I believe that when we come to the father

256
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and believe him for something,

257
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and we say, we're going to partner

258
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until we see this thing manifested.

259
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I believe he goes like, oh yeah, I got all to myself.

260
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Now let's get to work because now is the time

261
00:14:39.200 --> 00:14:42.640
that you're most faithful in coming to him.

262
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Now is the time you're more faithful in prayer.

263
00:14:45.720 --> 00:14:48.160
Now is the time you're more faithful in listening

264
00:14:48.160 --> 00:14:50.240
because you want something.

265
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And because you want something,

266
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God now has access to you in a way

267
00:14:54.120 --> 00:14:56.600
he wouldn't have had access to you before.

268
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And so it is the perfect time to.

269
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expand you, to stretch you, to grow you, to restore you,

270
00:15:03.440 --> 00:15:08.440
to redeem you, to bring you to higher levels,

271
00:15:08.480 --> 00:15:12.200
to bring you to the place where you are most fitting

272
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for a kingdom spouse of the identity and nature

273
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in which God has designed you.

274
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Not the place where you now reside,

275
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but he'll bring you up, he'll allow dating

276
00:15:24.680 --> 00:15:27.800
for you to discover and through this dating process

277
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to discover yourself enough to bring you up to the place

278
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where you so rightfully deserve to be.

279
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And in that space is where you attract someone

280
00:15:36.640 --> 00:15:37.800
most fitting for you.

281
00:15:40.160 --> 00:15:43.280
And so that's why dating for discovery is so much fun

282
00:15:43.280 --> 00:15:47.080
and it's such a fruitful place for you and the Lord.

283
00:15:47.080 --> 00:15:49.840
So my encouragement would be not to rush through this,

284
00:15:49.840 --> 00:15:53.720
so much joy awaits you, so much joy awaits you.

285
00:15:53.720 --> 00:15:55.840
Don't rush through it because you won't get it back,

286
00:15:55.840 --> 00:15:58.800
not because it's scary, but because once you get married,

287
00:15:58.800 --> 00:15:59.900
it's gonna be settled.

288
00:16:01.400 --> 00:16:04.960
And then you'll be stuck with that wonderful person

289
00:16:04.960 --> 00:16:06.200
till death do you part.

290
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That's our hopes.

291
00:16:07.240 --> 00:16:09.960
We hope that you grow so well in this phase,

292
00:16:09.960 --> 00:16:12.000
that you carry the tools that you've been stretched

293
00:16:12.000 --> 00:16:15.000
in capacity, that when your kingdom marriage comes along,

294
00:16:15.000 --> 00:16:17.160
that comes to make you more holy than happy,

295
00:16:17.160 --> 00:16:19.100
you won't bail on the process.

296
00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:22.200
That you will operate in the grace you learned

297
00:16:22.200 --> 00:16:24.640
in this phase, that you will operate in the forgiveness

298
00:16:24.640 --> 00:16:26.240
that you learned in this phase,

299
00:16:27.260 --> 00:16:29.000
that you will operate in the patience

300
00:16:29.000 --> 00:16:30.640
that you learned in this phase,

301
00:16:30.640 --> 00:16:33.480
and that you learned in the journey with the father.

302
00:16:33.480 --> 00:16:36.980
All of us is different, don't compare.

303
00:16:36.980 --> 00:16:39.320
Comparison is the thief of joy

304
00:16:39.320 --> 00:16:41.480
and it is the thief of your soul.

305
00:16:41.480 --> 00:16:44.840
No woman here is at the same starting point.

306
00:16:44.840 --> 00:16:46.440
There ain't no way you can cut it.

307
00:16:46.440 --> 00:16:48.800
Nobody's at the same starting point.

308
00:16:48.800 --> 00:16:52.200
And every woman requires something different

309
00:16:52.240 --> 00:16:55.280
for her own spiritual DNA.

310
00:16:55.280 --> 00:16:57.440
That's just the way it is.

311
00:16:57.440 --> 00:17:00.320
And everybody has places they have to grow in areas

312
00:17:00.320 --> 00:17:02.240
in their heart that we can't even see.

313
00:17:02.240 --> 00:17:05.400
And most of the times you can't even see it.

314
00:17:05.400 --> 00:17:08.800
There are deficits and there are overflows in all of us.

315
00:17:09.680 --> 00:17:12.200
And so because we cannot see the things

316
00:17:12.200 --> 00:17:14.200
that only the father can see,

317
00:17:14.200 --> 00:17:16.220
I would encourage you not to compare yourself

318
00:17:16.220 --> 00:17:21.079
to someone else because it costs you more than you know,

319
00:17:21.079 --> 00:17:22.560
unless it's a good comparison.

320
00:17:22.560 --> 00:17:24.480
Like if they can hold on, so can I.

321
00:17:24.480 --> 00:17:26.880
If they can believe after that, then so can I.

322
00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:27.720
Yep.

323
00:17:27.720 --> 00:17:30.080
So dating for discovery,

324
00:17:30.080 --> 00:17:31.120
and I have some really good notes.

325
00:17:31.120 --> 00:17:32.360
So it looks like I'm reading.

326
00:17:32.360 --> 00:17:34.360
I am because I don't want to mess them up.

327
00:17:34.360 --> 00:17:35.840
So dating for discovery,

328
00:17:35.840 --> 00:17:39.860
the top priority is not about fixing your daily strategies,

329
00:17:39.860 --> 00:17:44.760
but it's about using the tools that you learned in hard work.

330
00:17:44.760 --> 00:17:47.240
Now, if you rush through hard work,

331
00:17:48.080 --> 00:17:51.240
we got just a little bit more to learn

332
00:17:51.240 --> 00:17:54.120
because you still do hard work now, right?

333
00:17:54.120 --> 00:17:55.760
It's just that you have a little bit more,

334
00:17:55.760 --> 00:17:58.000
you've got some tools in your tool belt.

335
00:17:58.000 --> 00:18:00.080
So that means if you rush through hard work now,

336
00:18:00.080 --> 00:18:01.160
we'll catch you now.

337
00:18:01.160 --> 00:18:03.240
You rush through it, then we'll catch you now.

338
00:18:03.240 --> 00:18:05.080
And you still, you always do hard work.

339
00:18:05.080 --> 00:18:05.960
You never stop.

340
00:18:05.960 --> 00:18:06.800
Okay.

341
00:18:07.640 --> 00:18:11.200
And what happens in our heart

342
00:18:11.200 --> 00:18:13.240
determines how we show up in dating.

343
00:18:14.240 --> 00:18:17.440
It's not your logical thoughts that show up in dating.

344
00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:20.960
It's what you believe about yourself in your heart

345
00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:23.360
that is what shows up in dating.

346
00:18:23.360 --> 00:18:27.180
And so hard work is a necessity to this journey.

347
00:18:28.160 --> 00:18:30.440
It will shape your dating experience,

348
00:18:30.440 --> 00:18:34.720
and it will also shape how you do relationships with people,

349
00:18:34.720 --> 00:18:36.960
with anybody, not just with a man.

350
00:18:36.960 --> 00:18:37.800
Okay.

351
00:18:37.800 --> 00:18:39.880
So you often hear Jackie say this,

352
00:18:39.880 --> 00:18:42.080
what you believe you become

353
00:18:42.080 --> 00:18:45.120
and what you become, you attract.

354
00:18:45.120 --> 00:18:45.960
So,

355
00:18:47.360 --> 00:18:48.280
sorry about that.

356
00:18:48.280 --> 00:18:49.720
What you believe you become

357
00:18:49.720 --> 00:18:51.640
and what you become, you attract.

358
00:18:51.640 --> 00:18:54.320
So someone may say, when you hear something like that,

359
00:18:54.320 --> 00:18:55.800
it makes you really nervous.

360
00:18:55.800 --> 00:18:57.160
Because let's say you're online

361
00:18:57.160 --> 00:19:01.680
and I'm just a joker, a clown, a Peter Pan

362
00:19:01.680 --> 00:19:02.920
trying to talk to you.

363
00:19:02.920 --> 00:19:06.760
And you think, what does that say about me?

364
00:19:06.760 --> 00:19:09.120
Why is he wanting to talk to me?

365
00:19:09.120 --> 00:19:10.800
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

366
00:19:10.800 --> 00:19:14.000
We like to use this example, or at least I do.

367
00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:16.520
God had Adam to name the animals.

368
00:19:16.520 --> 00:19:18.400
And out of all the animals he named,

369
00:19:18.400 --> 00:19:21.240
he did not call one of them his wife

370
00:19:21.240 --> 00:19:23.640
because they were not comfortable to him.

371
00:19:23.640 --> 00:19:26.400
And so even when a Peter Pan comes to you,

372
00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:30.580
you must identify him properly and throw him back.

373
00:19:30.580 --> 00:19:31.420
Okay.

374
00:19:31.420 --> 00:19:32.960
We don't name a Peter Pan.

375
00:19:32.960 --> 00:19:34.760
We didn't say the Peter Pan wasn't gonna come,

376
00:19:34.760 --> 00:19:36.000
but I guarantee you,

377
00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:38.120
the more quickly you're able to identify him

378
00:19:38.120 --> 00:19:39.520
and throw you back,

379
00:19:39.520 --> 00:19:42.040
the pool just keep getting better and better

380
00:19:42.040 --> 00:19:43.640
and better and better.

381
00:19:43.640 --> 00:19:44.480
All right.

382
00:19:44.480 --> 00:19:46.560
So all these Peter Pans are animals.

383
00:19:46.560 --> 00:19:49.600
So just because one comes,

384
00:19:49.600 --> 00:19:50.880
there's no reflection to say,

385
00:19:50.880 --> 00:19:54.400
I attracted him because of my deficit or my lack.

386
00:19:54.400 --> 00:19:56.600
No, you're gonna see how empowered you feel

387
00:19:56.600 --> 00:19:58.240
when Peter Pan comes

388
00:19:58.240 --> 00:20:00.200
and you get to call him a Peter Pan.

389
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:06.560
for what he is and you're gonna say this hard work stuff is working and then you're just gonna be

390
00:20:06.560 --> 00:20:11.680
esteemed even more with the great work that the father has done in you and you're gonna know for

391
00:20:11.680 --> 00:20:16.880
yourself that you're gonna be in a better position to see the best suitor for you than you've ever

392
00:20:16.880 --> 00:20:23.440
been before and there ladies is a place of empowerment because that shifts you from a

393
00:20:23.440 --> 00:20:28.000
mind of scarcity and believing okay when he come he's coming he's coming he's gonna show up he's

394
00:20:28.000 --> 00:20:31.840
gonna show up he's gonna show up he's gonna show up now this is a different testimony

395
00:20:33.120 --> 00:20:39.840
i know what a good suitor looks like and that's not a good suitor see now there's a responsibility

396
00:20:39.840 --> 00:20:44.720
that falls upon you because your eyes have been trained in maturity your heart has matured and

397
00:20:44.720 --> 00:20:49.600
now you don't have to sit in front of the lord and say a prayer like is it him do you say it's him

398
00:20:49.600 --> 00:20:55.040
what you think is it him he said he loved god god did you pick him is it him is it him is it him

399
00:20:55.040 --> 00:20:59.520
but you have been empowered with wisdom because the bible says that we are to desire wisdom

400
00:21:00.880 --> 00:21:05.520
it says also in all of your getting getting understanding it's the principle thing

401
00:21:07.040 --> 00:21:12.800
and so you're going to be able to be empowered and that's what the father wants for you

402
00:21:14.320 --> 00:21:20.080
he wants you to be able to identify a good suitor not saying that you don't want his approval of

403
00:21:20.080 --> 00:21:24.000
course you do you can't see somebody where they're going to be like five years from now

404
00:21:24.000 --> 00:21:29.360
10 years from now 15 years from now 20 years from now right only the father could do that and so

405
00:21:31.360 --> 00:21:39.840
let's okay so if you have a negative thought and we can probably attest to this let's say you have

406
00:21:39.840 --> 00:21:44.720
one negative thought about yourself a negative thought about dating a negative thought about

407
00:21:44.720 --> 00:21:50.480
men a negative thought about women a negative thought about people on your job this one

408
00:21:50.480 --> 00:21:55.920
negative thought doesn't just remain a negative thought at some point if you ruminate on that

409
00:21:55.920 --> 00:22:02.880
thing enough there's a scripture that says whatever you behold you become right and so

410
00:22:02.880 --> 00:22:13.040
the scripture actually says we behold until we become oh all right and so this is the same thing

411
00:22:13.040 --> 00:22:18.880
that can happen to us in dating or when we're talking with uh ladies right and so we'll behold

412
00:22:18.880 --> 00:22:24.960
the thing so if we take in this negative thought and it goes unaddressed um then what happens is

413
00:22:25.920 --> 00:22:33.840
it will quietly shape our identity so let's take something that's that could just be or you thought

414
00:22:33.840 --> 00:22:38.720
you look at me like oh my face looks so puffy it probably could be perfect that's how i've been like

415
00:22:40.160 --> 00:22:46.160
every day after i say my face looks so perfect i'll promise you it's like my face getting bigger

416
00:22:46.240 --> 00:22:55.520
and shinier by the day it don't just go down it's just like god oh i better not eat no more chips

417
00:22:55.520 --> 00:23:01.600
oh man oh my stomach is bloated and the more i had the it don't take one of those thoughts without

418
00:23:01.600 --> 00:23:05.200
me dealing with it i don't know if anybody can attest to this but if you can you need to give

419
00:23:05.200 --> 00:23:10.640
me a look up right now and wave your hand like i'm with you well the other come on thank you

420
00:23:11.520 --> 00:23:16.800
i told my sister i was like oh i just oh i'm getting so puffy she said it looks like to me

421
00:23:16.800 --> 00:23:21.600
like you're losing weight i said it does i'm telling you every day after that i look in the

422
00:23:21.600 --> 00:23:31.920
mirror i'm like i am losing weight now i got enough sense to know something's not right about that

423
00:23:32.560 --> 00:23:40.000
how did i go from criticizing my body for an entire week let's let her have added her amen

424
00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:46.960
to my criticism about my body and i would have criticized my body even more but she said it was

425
00:23:46.960 --> 00:23:53.840
like i was losing weight and i look at me i said i said you know this is a tester for me if i picked

426
00:23:53.840 --> 00:24:00.880
up some weight they literally hang up i said i think i am losing weight just a simple thought

427
00:24:00.880 --> 00:24:05.120
like that or have you ever thought on a job and you thought to yourself oh it seems like they have

428
00:24:05.120 --> 00:24:09.040
an attitude with me or it seems like they don't like me that much i could just tell the way they

429
00:24:09.040 --> 00:24:14.480
talk to other people but they don't really talk to me like that every time you see that person it

430
00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:21.040
seems like everything they do points to that one lie you believe or but let's just say one day they

431
00:24:21.040 --> 00:24:25.360
start talking to you and they say they like you you'll be like you like me all this time you've

432
00:24:25.360 --> 00:24:30.480
been thinking those things and so that's what i'm talking about that one negative thought can build

433
00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:34.480
up something on the inside of you and what'll happen you're at the job what'll happen you'll

434
00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:37.360
start up and you'll be like well i guess i ain't gonna speak to them they'll never speak to me

435
00:24:37.360 --> 00:24:42.880
anyway i don't even really think i'm just gonna stay out of their way right so you stop being you

436
00:24:44.160 --> 00:24:49.040
you stop showing up as you being the joyful cheerful person you are because whatever you

437
00:24:49.040 --> 00:24:53.760
decided that they think about you you've allowed that to determine how you're going to show up

438
00:24:53.760 --> 00:24:59.840
so i'm just picking simple things but this happens in every part of our life and so um

439
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.640
We have to take these negative thoughts, hold them captive.

440
00:25:03.640 --> 00:25:04.680
That's what the scripture says.

441
00:25:04.680 --> 00:25:06.680
Take every thought and hold it captive

442
00:25:06.680 --> 00:25:09.460
and put it under the order of Christ Jesus.

443
00:25:09.460 --> 00:25:12.080
We have to deal with those thoughts very quickly.

444
00:25:12.080 --> 00:25:14.640
Now, when you're on a dating site,

445
00:25:14.640 --> 00:25:18.160
it's gonna be a lot of reasons to have negative thoughts.

446
00:25:18.160 --> 00:25:21.040
And not to say that some of the things

447
00:25:21.040 --> 00:25:22.660
that you are calling out is not true.

448
00:25:22.660 --> 00:25:24.920
I'm not asking you to live in la-la land.

449
00:25:24.920 --> 00:25:25.840
Are there scammers?

450
00:25:25.840 --> 00:25:27.040
Yes.

451
00:25:27.040 --> 00:25:29.000
But what we don't want you to do

452
00:25:29.040 --> 00:25:32.840
is take the negative and form an opinion about you.

453
00:25:35.320 --> 00:25:37.960
Oh, these kind of men just wanna talk to me, I guess,

454
00:25:37.960 --> 00:25:40.080
because I look this way.

455
00:25:40.080 --> 00:25:43.700
Oh, I guess they pick me because I look easy.

456
00:25:45.480 --> 00:25:47.320
It must be something about me.

457
00:25:48.240 --> 00:25:49.640
Do you understand what I'm saying?

458
00:25:49.640 --> 00:25:51.520
It's not that these things that are happening

459
00:25:51.520 --> 00:25:52.560
did not happen.

460
00:25:52.560 --> 00:25:54.340
It's just that when those negative things

461
00:25:54.340 --> 00:25:56.360
are used to form an opinion about you,

462
00:25:56.360 --> 00:25:57.960
then we have an issue at hand.

463
00:25:57.960 --> 00:25:59.400
And so we don't want these things

464
00:25:59.400 --> 00:26:01.480
to quietly shape your identity.

465
00:26:01.480 --> 00:26:05.220
So let's normalize and bring a little awareness.

466
00:26:05.220 --> 00:26:08.520
Spend a moment and think about the most recent time

467
00:26:08.520 --> 00:26:12.280
you had a negative feeling around dating.

468
00:26:12.280 --> 00:26:14.320
Let's narrow it down to dating.

469
00:26:14.320 --> 00:26:16.880
You had a negative opinion around dating.

470
00:26:16.880 --> 00:26:18.520
And I want you to put it in the chat.

471
00:26:18.520 --> 00:26:22.120
Now, this is a very judge-free zone.

472
00:26:22.120 --> 00:26:26.080
Just, I believe you feel that, but I just wanna say it.

473
00:26:26.080 --> 00:26:27.320
I'm too old.

474
00:26:27.320 --> 00:26:29.280
Last Saturday night, what was the negative feeling?

475
00:26:29.280 --> 00:26:32.160
Tell us what the negative feeling was or is

476
00:26:32.160 --> 00:26:34.160
that you have around dating.

477
00:26:34.160 --> 00:26:35.400
And when we're just starting out,

478
00:26:35.400 --> 00:26:36.880
it can be something as simple as,

479
00:26:36.880 --> 00:26:38.880
I'm not gonna put my face on that dating site

480
00:26:38.880 --> 00:26:40.800
so people can look at me and judge me.

481
00:26:41.840 --> 00:26:43.520
What are they judging?

482
00:26:43.520 --> 00:26:44.680
What are they gonna judge?

483
00:26:44.680 --> 00:26:47.480
I mean, what are they really gonna say, right?

484
00:26:47.480 --> 00:26:49.720
So like, let's put all, okay.

485
00:26:49.720 --> 00:26:54.160
And I want you ladies to look as you all put those things in

486
00:26:54.160 --> 00:26:57.000
because you're gonna see that you probably resonate

487
00:26:57.000 --> 00:27:02.000
with a lot of, you type that quick.

488
00:27:03.560 --> 00:27:05.440
I'm about to say your name wrong.

489
00:27:05.440 --> 00:27:06.680
I wanna say Sheila.

490
00:27:06.680 --> 00:27:08.800
It ain't Sheila, it's Shay.

491
00:27:10.840 --> 00:27:12.520
I feel like I need y'all to talk to this.

492
00:27:12.520 --> 00:27:14.240
God, it goes so fast.

493
00:27:14.240 --> 00:27:15.720
Y'all, when this chat be moving fast,

494
00:27:15.720 --> 00:27:18.120
I'm starting to think I'm getting a little aged.

495
00:27:25.160 --> 00:27:26.160
These are so hard.

496
00:27:26.160 --> 00:27:28.400
It doesn't seem like anyone is out there.

497
00:27:28.400 --> 00:27:31.000
I know, I'm not feeling the chemistry.

498
00:27:31.000 --> 00:27:35.000
It feels friendships and made,

499
00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:35.840
it feels like friendship

500
00:27:35.840 --> 00:27:37.880
and made me feel something is wrong with me.

501
00:27:37.880 --> 00:27:39.840
I shouldn't because I was married before.

502
00:27:39.840 --> 00:27:41.840
I'm not good enough to catch.

503
00:27:41.840 --> 00:27:43.200
When they get to know me more,

504
00:27:43.200 --> 00:27:44.960
they will not like me anymore.

505
00:27:44.960 --> 00:27:47.000
I used to say that the dating pool is trash

506
00:27:47.000 --> 00:27:48.360
and the men and the baby,

507
00:27:48.360 --> 00:27:50.240
I used to say that the dating pool is trash.

508
00:27:50.240 --> 00:27:52.160
I used to say that the dating pool is trash.

509
00:27:53.040 --> 00:27:55.160
And the men in the Bay Area are trash.

510
00:27:56.360 --> 00:27:57.200
Yes, it can.

511
00:28:02.200 --> 00:28:03.680
Yes, Jasmine, it count.

512
00:28:04.560 --> 00:28:07.120
Why do I check all the people who don't love Jesus?

513
00:28:08.120 --> 00:28:09.400
I don't like small talking.

514
00:28:09.400 --> 00:28:13.120
We're supposed to avoid substance type conversations.

515
00:28:13.120 --> 00:28:14.600
How can someone enjoy my presence

516
00:28:14.600 --> 00:28:17.080
when I'm in such a quandary in life?

517
00:28:17.080 --> 00:28:19.560
Okay, how are they going to handle?

518
00:28:19.560 --> 00:28:22.080
I've been married more than once.

519
00:28:22.800 --> 00:28:25.160
The man told me he had never seen a woman.

520
00:28:25.160 --> 00:28:26.000
So what?

521
00:28:27.480 --> 00:28:28.840
What does that mean, Eloise?

522
00:28:28.840 --> 00:28:31.360
He's never seen a woman so backward sexually.

523
00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:37.640
Because he wanted more than just a kiss or whatever.

524
00:28:38.720 --> 00:28:42.560
And he was just there for one thing.

525
00:28:42.560 --> 00:28:45.720
And so he didn't know what a pure woman looked like,

526
00:28:45.720 --> 00:28:46.560
evidently.

527
00:28:47.600 --> 00:28:49.200
I like your reframing of that.

528
00:28:49.200 --> 00:28:50.480
He didn't know what a pure woman looked like.

529
00:28:50.720 --> 00:28:53.800
He had never seen a pure woman until he met Eloise, baby.

530
00:28:53.800 --> 00:28:54.640
Tell him.

531
00:28:54.640 --> 00:28:55.480
Yeah, yeah.

532
00:28:55.480 --> 00:28:56.320
That's right.

533
00:28:57.720 --> 00:28:58.640
Maybe.

534
00:28:58.640 --> 00:29:00.080
I'm not wasting any more time on dating.

535
00:29:00.080 --> 00:29:01.280
This might be negative, but true.

536
00:29:01.280 --> 00:29:03.320
My time is too valuable.

537
00:29:03.320 --> 00:29:05.160
I don't think it's negative.

538
00:29:05.160 --> 00:29:07.320
I think that you want to know why you're saying

539
00:29:07.320 --> 00:29:09.320
you're wasting your time

540
00:29:09.320 --> 00:29:12.120
and what happened to make you say that.

541
00:29:12.120 --> 00:29:12.960
What's wrong with me?

542
00:29:12.960 --> 00:29:13.800
No one is approaching me.

543
00:29:13.800 --> 00:29:15.280
It's such a classic one, right?

544
00:29:15.280 --> 00:29:16.320
This is confusing.

545
00:29:16.320 --> 00:29:18.960
Are they treating me as a friend or wanting to date?

546
00:29:18.960 --> 00:29:20.080
Cause they believe,

547
00:29:20.080 --> 00:29:21.640
cause they believe start with friendship.

548
00:29:21.640 --> 00:29:22.480
Yeah.

549
00:29:25.040 --> 00:29:25.880
Going on with your man.

550
00:29:25.880 --> 00:29:26.720
Said that right.

551
00:29:26.720 --> 00:29:27.560
That man knew better.

552
00:29:27.560 --> 00:29:29.240
He needed a book book.

553
00:29:29.240 --> 00:29:31.440
You know, ain't nobody finna let him rub it.

554
00:29:31.440 --> 00:29:33.400
They'll rust their hand up against him.

555
00:29:39.240 --> 00:29:41.360
Too much work to talk with strangers.

556
00:29:44.200 --> 00:29:45.760
Unattractive.

557
00:29:45.760 --> 00:29:47.080
These guys are boring.

558
00:29:47.200 --> 00:29:50.360
I'm fearful I'm going to go back to my old ways.

559
00:29:50.360 --> 00:29:51.480
Fear of being hurt again.

560
00:29:51.480 --> 00:29:52.320
I'm too old.

561
00:29:52.320 --> 00:29:53.160
I need to lose weight.

562
00:29:53.160 --> 00:29:55.040
Pretty sure that was 20 minutes ago.

563
00:29:56.920 --> 00:29:57.760
I don't know what you mean.

564
00:29:57.760 --> 00:29:58.720
Pretty sure it was 20 minutes ago.

565
00:29:58.720 --> 00:30:00.320
Oh, your thought, your thought.

566
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.280
Oh, okay. I am too old and I need to lose weight. Ladies, these are all so good and so vulnerable.

567
00:30:07.280 --> 00:30:14.400
Thank you for sharing. Now, can you see just from what we got in the chat that if you held

568
00:30:14.400 --> 00:30:17.600
to some of those negative thoughts, what they could possibly produce in your life?

569
00:30:17.600 --> 00:30:35.520
So, this is what I'm thinking about. Let's look at one of those thoughts and I want you to think

570
00:30:35.520 --> 00:30:42.480
about what that could produce in you or ask yourself, what has this produced within me

571
00:30:43.360 --> 00:30:51.280
that could be a block to me? So, if I say, oh, let me see.

572
00:30:53.360 --> 00:30:59.840
Nobody will want me because I am too fat. Now,

573
00:31:02.800 --> 00:31:07.040
what do you think is going to happen to me if I say nobody will want me because I'm too fat?

574
00:31:07.120 --> 00:31:11.360
Okay. Do you believe that's going to encourage me to go lose weight

575
00:31:11.360 --> 00:31:13.920
or do you think it's going to put me in a cycle of eating?

576
00:31:17.040 --> 00:31:21.040
You're going to go eat to comfort yourself. That's probably how we get those extra pounds

577
00:31:21.040 --> 00:31:25.040
because a lot of us eat for comfort. And so, it's going to put you in a cycle making you

578
00:31:25.040 --> 00:31:31.360
feel bad about yourself. It'll make you eat. You feel like you lost your chances. Okay.

579
00:31:31.360 --> 00:31:35.520
Nobody's going to want me. It puts it back on you if there's something wrong with you

580
00:31:36.480 --> 00:31:41.680
because you feel too fat. You self doubt in all areas. Then if somebody does want to talk to you,

581
00:31:41.680 --> 00:31:45.840
you keep thinking about how you look. It ain't even possible that they want you.

582
00:31:45.840 --> 00:31:50.240
So, you don't even believe it's real, right? You're probably going to start looking for

583
00:31:50.240 --> 00:31:54.560
ways to disqualify them because you don't even believe they want you because you don't want

584
00:31:54.560 --> 00:32:02.560
yourself. How do you believe somebody else wants you? And then you may operate in a scarcity

585
00:32:02.560 --> 00:32:06.480
mindset where he the only one. I could deal with that. I could put up with this.

586
00:32:07.520 --> 00:32:12.080
Right? Okay. So, let's take a, you can take an unhealthy thought. You can take one of the

587
00:32:12.080 --> 00:32:17.040
negative thoughts that you, you can take yours or you can take another one that you saw.

588
00:32:17.040 --> 00:32:21.520
How about, no, no, no. Don't take yours. Take another thought that you saw

589
00:32:22.640 --> 00:32:26.400
and let's just put in the chat what that thought could produce.

590
00:32:27.760 --> 00:32:30.480
Take any thought you saw, one that you were most attracted to.

591
00:32:33.040 --> 00:32:36.080
And what would you, what do you think that thought could produce in you

592
00:32:37.040 --> 00:32:39.600
that would be a hindrance to you, a block to you?

593
00:32:47.840 --> 00:32:51.600
Because what is happening this, as you're thinking a lot of these thoughts,

594
00:32:51.600 --> 00:32:56.160
they feel like they're protecting you. They feel protective in nature. You feel like I'm

595
00:32:56.160 --> 00:32:58.880
going to put a nail in this thing. We just going to call it what it is.

596
00:32:59.040 --> 00:33:01.040
You feel like you're getting closure from it.

597
00:33:08.400 --> 00:33:14.400
But it really does hinder the way you show up in any arena, not just dating.

598
00:33:17.200 --> 00:33:20.800
And I know y'all are thinking while I'm talking, but some people are thinking and listening,

599
00:33:20.800 --> 00:33:24.800
because they may not know where to go with this. Have you ever thought about when you put on some

600
00:33:25.760 --> 00:33:29.360
clothes and you went out and you thought to yourself, I don't look that nice.

601
00:33:29.360 --> 00:33:32.720
And then when you show up around the people, you keep fidgeting with your clothes.

602
00:33:32.720 --> 00:33:35.440
If somebody is looking at you, you think they're automatically looking at you and

603
00:33:35.440 --> 00:33:40.720
thinking that you don't look nice or that they see what you thought you saw about yourself.

604
00:33:40.720 --> 00:33:57.760
I remember, and you've heard me tell this before, but I used to be much larger than I am now.

605
00:33:57.760 --> 00:34:04.880
It's like 391 pounds, close to the 400 pounds. And I've always been overweight. Even in high

606
00:34:04.880 --> 00:34:08.960
school, I've always been the biggest child. My mother has taken me to all types of doctors

607
00:34:08.960 --> 00:34:14.719
because she's a nurse. And so this just wasn't something that she was willing to accept.

608
00:34:17.280 --> 00:34:22.239
But anyway, I can remember for so long, I believe that when I walked in the room,

609
00:34:22.239 --> 00:34:27.440
that the only thing people saw was my size. So I went in this interview and at the table,

610
00:34:27.440 --> 00:34:31.360
I think our girls were from college and I was, like I said, about 390.

611
00:34:31.360 --> 00:34:34.560
And I was sitting at the table, 15 people sitting around the table.

612
00:34:35.040 --> 00:34:41.840
And though I was beautiful, I knew they would look in my heart. I knew that they were looking

613
00:34:41.840 --> 00:34:47.280
at my size. And so I just saw them staring at me and I was convinced that that's what it was.

614
00:34:47.280 --> 00:34:52.239
It was like, just get over it. That's what it is. And you know, so many people came up and

615
00:34:52.239 --> 00:34:56.639
they're like, you have the most beautiful smile ever. I couldn't stop staring at you.

616
00:34:58.000 --> 00:34:59.520
I couldn't stop staring at you.

617
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.600
Your smile is amazing. I'm excited to have you on our team. I was just blown away because that whole

618
00:35:07.600 --> 00:35:13.600
time how I showed up in that interview was really running around that thought in the back of my

619
00:35:13.600 --> 00:35:17.840
mind. Look how they're looking at you. Oh, they think you're disgusting. Oh, they think you're

620
00:35:17.840 --> 00:35:21.840
this. Oh, they think you're that. And these people are looking at me thinking how beautiful my smile

621
00:35:21.840 --> 00:35:29.600
is and how they can't wait for me to be a part of their team. So just that. So let's add in the

622
00:35:29.600 --> 00:35:35.760
chat what the thought was that you chose or how about a couple of people share. You just unmute,

623
00:35:35.760 --> 00:35:38.960
tell the thought that you chose and what you believe that that could produce.

624
00:35:39.520 --> 00:35:42.560
Anyone can share if you've already completed it.

625
00:35:45.600 --> 00:35:48.880
Because it might be a lot to retype it, but you can retype it if you want.

626
00:35:48.880 --> 00:36:02.240
I shared that if I thought that the dating pool was trash, that I wouldn't give anyone a fair shake

627
00:36:02.240 --> 00:36:09.360
and that I would have already prejudged everyone. And even if I found someone who seemed like a nice

628
00:36:09.360 --> 00:36:15.120
guy, I would be waiting for the shoe to drop. Like what's the catch to him? I wouldn't ever

629
00:36:15.440 --> 00:36:17.920
let my guard down with him. Pork fella.

630
00:36:21.200 --> 00:36:30.240
Pork fella. That's a good one. So true. I can relate. Yes, Nadine. I think we can all relate.

631
00:36:30.240 --> 00:36:34.400
Like sometimes I be going to tell the meme, babe, ain't no need of you trying. That woman already

632
00:36:34.400 --> 00:36:40.400
believe you a liar. I was talking to one of my friends and he said, he was saying this girl's

633
00:36:40.400 --> 00:36:44.880
doing this. I said, listen, I said, little do you know that woman believed that you were a liar

634
00:36:44.880 --> 00:36:50.400
the moment she started talking to you. And I said, she's not going to change her mind. I said,

635
00:36:50.400 --> 00:36:55.120
you cannot prove it to her. And the harder you work to prove to her that you're not the last

636
00:36:55.120 --> 00:37:00.800
man she dated, the more she's going to believe that you're a liar because she already believes

637
00:37:00.800 --> 00:37:09.040
you are a liar. You can't win. About two weeks later, he got tired of her and he was like,

638
00:37:09.040 --> 00:37:19.760
yeah, you're right. Anyone else want to share? I would enjoy if you shared. We all would.

639
00:37:24.560 --> 00:37:31.920
Um, hello. Okay. So I, for whoever wrote that their life is in a quandary, like if it's

640
00:37:31.920 --> 00:37:38.160
a quandary or disarray, then it could produce a attitude of like, but why even bother,

641
00:37:38.160 --> 00:37:46.480
you know, or, um, maybe you go out and not really be all into that and have a pre-assumption that,

642
00:37:47.280 --> 00:37:50.560
like, it's just going to add to more disarray potentially,

643
00:37:52.320 --> 00:37:57.120
or that he may not want that, you know, so it's just, you know, a why bother type attitude.

644
00:37:58.720 --> 00:38:00.240
Yeah, that's true.

645
00:38:00.480 --> 00:38:10.320
I hope you ladies, as you process through this, that you're catching on to what these thoughts,

646
00:38:10.320 --> 00:38:15.520
how they set up, uh, basically sabotage within your own self. They're not protecting you.

647
00:38:15.520 --> 00:38:21.840
They're actually blocking you. They're guarding you. Is somebody to share? Oh yeah, go ahead.

648
00:38:22.640 --> 00:38:30.640
Um, I chose somebody put, I don't like small talk and, uh, we're supposed to avoid, um,

649
00:38:30.640 --> 00:38:36.560
so, uh, you know, not non-substantial type conversations. I didn't make that one,

650
00:38:36.560 --> 00:38:40.560
but I think that sometimes, so then you're not open to people at all.

651
00:38:42.480 --> 00:38:47.360
That's the kind of the trap. You're not open to small talk. You're not like, how's the weather

652
00:38:47.360 --> 00:38:52.400
or somebody even, you know, like trying to get into a conversation with you.

653
00:38:53.360 --> 00:38:59.920
Yeah. It's so good. You know, when I'm out, maybe prayer walking or evangelizing,

654
00:38:59.920 --> 00:39:04.640
I'm looking for small talk. I'm going to come in on somebody's puppy, on their dog,

655
00:39:04.640 --> 00:39:09.920
and I use it as an access point to get somewhere. Right. And so we may start out,

656
00:39:09.920 --> 00:39:15.360
man, the sun is so beautiful. The man is kind of rainy, rainy or something. And I just take that.

657
00:39:15.360 --> 00:39:22.800
And then I go into something different. Right. Um, and so it can still stay lighthearted without

658
00:39:22.800 --> 00:39:29.680
being, um, what we call deep. And, uh, if you've never heard me say this, you know, ladies,

659
00:39:29.680 --> 00:39:35.440
we don't spill our pearl before swine. They may turn and trample on me, save your wisdom,

660
00:39:36.240 --> 00:39:42.880
save what you carry for people who have stewarded your friendship. Well, who honor what you share

661
00:39:43.440 --> 00:39:48.880
people that are in your community. When you show up to the table and you want to pour out every

662
00:39:48.880 --> 00:39:53.120
bit of what you have to someone, it tells me that you don't have community

663
00:39:55.520 --> 00:39:58.560
because why would you want to give a stranger something?

664
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.280
that you don't even know if they can steward it.

665
00:40:02.280 --> 00:40:05.160
You don't even know if they will value it.

666
00:40:05.160 --> 00:40:06.880
And so that's something I want you to think about

667
00:40:06.880 --> 00:40:08.600
when you think you want to talk deep.

668
00:40:08.600 --> 00:40:09.740
Like what is deep?

669
00:40:11.340 --> 00:40:13.160
The things that you treasure most

670
00:40:15.120 --> 00:40:16.840
or the things you want to find about them

671
00:40:16.840 --> 00:40:20.080
so that you can guard yourself, so you can put up walls.

672
00:40:20.080 --> 00:40:20.920
I don't know.

673
00:40:21.800 --> 00:40:24.720
Why do you want to know anything personal about a person

674
00:40:24.720 --> 00:40:26.800
that you don't even know who they are?

675
00:40:26.800 --> 00:40:28.560
Because you're going to judge them.

676
00:40:29.560 --> 00:40:33.360
I tell men, quick, don't tell me your business.

677
00:40:33.360 --> 00:40:34.840
You're going to be good as judged.

678
00:40:34.840 --> 00:40:36.680
Keep it to yourself.

679
00:40:36.680 --> 00:40:39.940
You mess around and tell me that you,

680
00:40:41.880 --> 00:40:43.240
I'm going to give you an extreme case.

681
00:40:43.240 --> 00:40:44.960
If you would divorce your wife

682
00:40:44.960 --> 00:40:46.640
because you cheated on her 24 times,

683
00:40:46.640 --> 00:40:48.520
but you done got held baby by,

684
00:40:48.520 --> 00:40:50.200
then you can hang it up.

685
00:40:50.200 --> 00:40:52.880
I ain't even got, I don't even know.

686
00:40:52.880 --> 00:40:56.440
You gonna have to, I can't even pray the blood over there.

687
00:40:56.440 --> 00:40:59.080
Don't worry about it, I'm with it.

688
00:40:59.080 --> 00:41:00.680
I ain't send the Lord to forgive,

689
00:41:00.680 --> 00:41:05.200
but I'm saying I ain't got the grace for it.

690
00:41:05.200 --> 00:41:07.400
Somebody else does.

691
00:41:07.400 --> 00:41:09.440
You were good at just some stuff.

692
00:41:09.440 --> 00:41:13.040
Don't tell me till I know your heart will be good.

693
00:41:13.040 --> 00:41:13.880
Right?

694
00:41:13.880 --> 00:41:14.700
All right.

695
00:41:14.700 --> 00:41:18.200
So it's important not to go into places

696
00:41:18.200 --> 00:41:21.340
because some people you do need to know where they came from.

697
00:41:21.340 --> 00:41:23.140
You don't know their starting point.

698
00:41:24.140 --> 00:41:26.300
Everybody has a story.

699
00:41:26.300 --> 00:41:28.700
And so you don't want things that'll put you,

700
00:41:28.700 --> 00:41:30.060
put the cart before the horses.

701
00:41:30.060 --> 00:41:30.900
They say, huh?

702
00:41:31.980 --> 00:41:34.100
Yeah, let's not overshare.

703
00:41:34.100 --> 00:41:34.940
All right.

704
00:41:34.940 --> 00:41:35.760
So-

705
00:41:35.760 --> 00:41:37.140
I would like to share.

706
00:41:37.140 --> 00:41:37.980
Yes, ma'am.

707
00:41:37.980 --> 00:41:42.980
I had chosen the one that said, I am too old.

708
00:41:43.100 --> 00:41:44.100
Okay.

709
00:41:44.100 --> 00:41:46.620
You're probably younger than I am,

710
00:41:47.620 --> 00:41:52.620
but I'm thinking, are you too old to marry?

711
00:41:54.220 --> 00:41:55.900
Do you think?

712
00:41:55.900 --> 00:42:00.900
You're here to find someone who is your spirit mate.

713
00:42:01.900 --> 00:42:06.900
And so you must think you're young enough to marry.

714
00:42:07.980 --> 00:42:12.980
So, and the other part of that is

715
00:42:13.980 --> 00:42:18.180
that if you think that way about yourself,

716
00:42:18.180 --> 00:42:23.180
you're going to appear hopeless and old

717
00:42:23.540 --> 00:42:25.300
because that's what you think.

718
00:42:26.220 --> 00:42:28.260
That's true.

719
00:42:28.260 --> 00:42:29.560
That is so good.

720
00:42:30.860 --> 00:42:31.740
Yeah.

721
00:42:31.740 --> 00:42:32.860
That's so good.

722
00:42:32.860 --> 00:42:33.680
Yeah.

723
00:42:33.680 --> 00:42:34.520
I agree.

724
00:42:34.520 --> 00:42:35.980
That is so good.

725
00:42:35.980 --> 00:42:36.820
Yeah.

726
00:42:36.820 --> 00:42:39.180
We kind of show up the way we think about ourselves.

727
00:42:39.180 --> 00:42:41.820
Have you ever put on clothes and know you look good?

728
00:42:41.820 --> 00:42:43.740
Honey, they can't tell you nothing

729
00:42:43.740 --> 00:42:44.820
when you step in their room,

730
00:42:44.820 --> 00:42:47.460
because you look good.

731
00:42:47.460 --> 00:42:48.380
You, matter of fact,

732
00:42:48.380 --> 00:42:49.820
you thinking when people look at you,

733
00:42:49.820 --> 00:42:51.720
they thinking about how good you look.

734
00:42:54.060 --> 00:42:56.180
You'll be like, I know they think I look good.

735
00:42:56.180 --> 00:42:57.260
And when they walk up to you,

736
00:42:57.260 --> 00:43:00.980
you're expecting them to say, how good you look.

737
00:43:00.980 --> 00:43:03.820
That's the way it goes for me usually, you know?

738
00:43:04.900 --> 00:43:07.820
So usually when people be like, you look so good.

739
00:43:07.820 --> 00:43:08.660
No, I'm not saying that.

740
00:43:08.660 --> 00:43:10.460
But yeah, you think that they think it's like,

741
00:43:10.460 --> 00:43:13.620
yeah, I thought this color looked good on me.

742
00:43:13.620 --> 00:43:14.540
Thank you.

743
00:43:14.540 --> 00:43:17.020
So it does matter.

744
00:43:17.020 --> 00:43:20.100
So we know that our behavior follows what we believe,

745
00:43:20.100 --> 00:43:21.860
and we want to change your belief system.

746
00:43:21.860 --> 00:43:24.540
And the belief system is actually in the heart.

747
00:43:24.540 --> 00:43:27.780
The heart is the instrument of belief.

748
00:43:27.780 --> 00:43:31.340
And so that's why when you're dating for discovery,

749
00:43:31.340 --> 00:43:34.200
triggers reveal heart issues,

750
00:43:34.200 --> 00:43:36.700
not a, you have a problem.

751
00:43:36.700 --> 00:43:38.420
There's a heart issue.

752
00:43:38.420 --> 00:43:40.240
I want to get to the root of it.

753
00:43:41.020 --> 00:43:43.880
And then you get excited when the trigger is revealed,

754
00:43:43.880 --> 00:43:46.280
because now you get to get to the root of the thing.

755
00:43:46.280 --> 00:43:47.760
That's the whole purpose, y'all.

756
00:43:47.760 --> 00:43:48.720
That's the point.

757
00:43:49.740 --> 00:43:54.320
Triggers reveal heart issues that I want to deal with,

758
00:43:54.320 --> 00:43:57.320
because that issue is blocking me,

759
00:43:57.320 --> 00:44:00.000
and holding me, and affecting me.

760
00:44:00.000 --> 00:44:03.720
How I know it is because it's showing up in my behavior.

761
00:44:03.720 --> 00:44:06.200
It's showing up in the way I think.

762
00:44:06.200 --> 00:44:09.400
It's coming against the thing that I'm believing for,

763
00:44:09.400 --> 00:44:11.640
and I have to deal with that lie.

764
00:44:11.640 --> 00:44:12.480
Okay?

765
00:44:13.600 --> 00:44:16.800
So when a trigger happens, or when something comes up,

766
00:44:16.800 --> 00:44:18.120
we want to reframe.

767
00:44:18.120 --> 00:44:20.200
Not why is this happening to me,

768
00:44:20.200 --> 00:44:22.240
but what is this revealing to me?

769
00:44:24.760 --> 00:44:27.340
I am the queen of saying, okay,

770
00:44:28.440 --> 00:44:30.000
why did I just do that?

771
00:44:30.000 --> 00:44:32.480
Why did I respond that way?

772
00:44:32.480 --> 00:44:37.480
I ask myself, why did I respond that way?

773
00:44:37.600 --> 00:44:42.320
I know the only person who lives inside of me is me.

774
00:44:42.320 --> 00:44:45.720
My response is my responsibility.

775
00:44:45.720 --> 00:44:47.360
No one can make me angry.

776
00:44:48.240 --> 00:44:50.840
No one can make me feel bad about myself.

777
00:44:52.120 --> 00:44:53.560
Someone can say I'm ugly.

778
00:44:53.560 --> 00:44:57.160
That is, I can't even process the thought.

779
00:44:57.160 --> 00:45:00.000
I'm not arrogant, but I've been beautiful my whole life.

780
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.000
My whole family has told me how beautiful I was all my whole life, even though I was

781
00:45:05.000 --> 00:45:06.000
chunky.

782
00:45:06.000 --> 00:45:10.360
They've always told me how beautiful I was, literally, and they never said, you big, but

783
00:45:10.360 --> 00:45:11.360
you got a cute face.

784
00:45:11.360 --> 00:45:12.360
They never said that.

785
00:45:12.360 --> 00:45:13.360
My family never did that.

786
00:45:13.360 --> 00:45:17.600
They've always told me how beautiful I was, so it's really hard for me to believe something

787
00:45:17.600 --> 00:45:18.600
opposite of that.

788
00:45:18.600 --> 00:45:22.520
But you can take a beautiful person who's been told that they're ugly their whole life

789
00:45:22.520 --> 00:45:24.520
and they will never believe they're beautiful.

790
00:45:24.520 --> 00:45:28.440
I don't care how that mirror looks back at them.

791
00:45:28.440 --> 00:45:31.440
So it's not that if I look in the mirror, I see a reflection of beauty.

792
00:45:31.440 --> 00:45:36.240
I was cultivated in beauty.

793
00:45:36.240 --> 00:45:39.800
And so what is this revealing to me?

794
00:45:39.800 --> 00:45:42.760
Things can't touch what's not there, right?

795
00:45:42.760 --> 00:45:47.720
It has to be something there for that thing to affect you.

796
00:45:47.720 --> 00:45:51.240
All right.

797
00:45:51.240 --> 00:45:54.640
I'm going to say this last thing and then we're going to go into because I want to give

798
00:45:54.640 --> 00:46:01.160
us a little bit more time than what I've given us because we got 34 minutes right now.

799
00:46:01.160 --> 00:46:03.440
Dating is not about keeping someone.

800
00:46:03.440 --> 00:46:07.080
It's about revealing alignment.

801
00:46:07.080 --> 00:46:08.080
What does that mean?

802
00:46:08.080 --> 00:46:12.640
When you're dating, it's not about keeping that person, but it's about understanding

803
00:46:12.640 --> 00:46:17.760
are we aligned?

804
00:46:17.760 --> 00:46:22.240
They can be good, but there's a better out there and the better can be better, but there's

805
00:46:22.240 --> 00:46:25.680
a great out there.

806
00:46:25.680 --> 00:46:27.840
They can be a good, but not your good.

807
00:46:27.840 --> 00:46:32.000
They can be a great, but not your great and that's okay.

808
00:46:32.000 --> 00:46:38.040
I will say this to you ladies, when you date, go on a good date and it's wonderful.

809
00:46:38.040 --> 00:46:44.240
I believe that God brings people in our life to also bring restoration to us in places

810
00:46:44.240 --> 00:46:49.440
that were broken and things you didn't believe were possible for you, but don't hold on to

811
00:46:49.440 --> 00:46:55.040
a thing that came to bring restoration if that's all the purpose was.

812
00:46:55.040 --> 00:47:00.800
Release it because that restoration has brought you to a new standard.

813
00:47:00.800 --> 00:47:03.360
I tell ladies this and it is the truth.

814
00:47:03.360 --> 00:47:08.760
I would not marry today the man I would have married a year ago, even six months ago.

815
00:47:08.760 --> 00:47:13.600
My eyes have been trained for a different suitor in just three months because that is

816
00:47:13.600 --> 00:47:15.840
the speed of my evolution.

817
00:47:15.840 --> 00:47:17.320
That's how fastly I'm growing.

818
00:47:17.320 --> 00:47:21.960
The Lord is growing me in so many areas and I'm realizing, thank you, Lord, I didn't pick

819
00:47:21.960 --> 00:47:25.800
somebody last year.

820
00:47:25.800 --> 00:47:31.120
It's just the growth and as I see myself differently and the Lord brings me into the fullness of

821
00:47:31.120 --> 00:47:38.120
my spiritual DNA, I see me differently and I realized that I didn't know back then, well,

822
00:47:38.120 --> 00:47:45.960
it's going to take some more kind of equipment for this, for this ebony, for this jewel,

823
00:47:45.960 --> 00:47:51.440
for this kingdom person, the one who builds the kingdom of the Lord, it's going to take

824
00:47:51.440 --> 00:47:54.480
some different equipment, but the Lord knew.

825
00:47:54.480 --> 00:47:57.040
He's been working to shape me.

826
00:47:57.040 --> 00:48:03.320
He's been working so that I can see the fullness of the beauty that I am in Christ.

827
00:48:03.320 --> 00:48:08.760
So, all right, we're going to stop right there.

828
00:48:08.760 --> 00:48:12.400
What any question you have a question about this, or you can have, you have a question

829
00:48:12.400 --> 00:48:17.360
about, and I'm going to post our activation and it's just going to be around some triggers

830
00:48:17.360 --> 00:48:23.280
and things that come up and we want you ladies to share as you venture out this week.

831
00:48:23.280 --> 00:48:28.000
But questions.

832
00:48:28.000 --> 00:48:31.720
Go ahead, Renee.

833
00:48:31.720 --> 00:48:34.400
Hi, Ebony, how are you?

834
00:48:34.400 --> 00:48:37.760
Good, I'm playing hooky from school today.

835
00:48:37.760 --> 00:48:42.040
Now, I actually had it off, so.

836
00:48:42.080 --> 00:48:44.960
Yeah, you are important, but I got to get my grades.

837
00:48:44.960 --> 00:48:50.920
So, I did have a question for you.

838
00:48:50.920 --> 00:48:54.040
So, two questions.

839
00:48:54.040 --> 00:48:58.560
One, one-on-one coaching, I can't get on the link.

840
00:48:58.560 --> 00:49:01.960
It won't pull it up in my feed for whatever reason.

841
00:49:01.960 --> 00:49:07.120
So, I don't know, do I send that to the tech people?

842
00:49:07.120 --> 00:49:10.400
I don't understand what you're on coaching, what now?

843
00:49:10.520 --> 00:49:18.920
Because you told me to contact you about coaching and, and I tried to find the link for it and

844
00:49:18.920 --> 00:49:22.680
it's not in my, my app.

845
00:49:22.680 --> 00:49:25.920
So I clicked on anything to message you.

846
00:49:25.920 --> 00:49:29.240
So I was wondering, do I just call tech about that?

847
00:49:29.240 --> 00:49:30.240
Or message tech?

848
00:49:30.240 --> 00:49:37.880
Yeah, so when you go to resources, what do you see?

849
00:49:37.880 --> 00:49:47.160
I see, like when I go to resources, I see events, I see different class, like not classes,

850
00:49:47.160 --> 00:49:55.760
but like the cruise, the, there was like all those underneath it, but there's no, when

851
00:49:55.760 --> 00:49:57.360
the link that says coaching.

852
00:49:57.360 --> 00:49:59.040
Ah, ah, ah, resources.

853
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.740
When I click on that, the coaching one, it doesn't pull up for me.

854
00:50:03.760 --> 00:50:08.400
It just kind of, so it's there, but it's not pulling up.

855
00:50:09.920 --> 00:50:12.080
You should be able to book it through Jackie's website.

856
00:50:12.080 --> 00:50:15.640
Cause I had booked a coaching before I joined through Jackie's website.

857
00:50:15.640 --> 00:50:18.720
So if you just go to Jackie Dorman.com, you should be able to get coaching there.

858
00:50:19.320 --> 00:50:23.800
Because when you click coaching, it takes you to a portion of her website.

859
00:50:23.800 --> 00:50:25.280
Just go straight to the coaches.

860
00:50:25.920 --> 00:50:26.240
Yeah.

861
00:50:26.280 --> 00:50:26.600
Okay.

862
00:50:26.600 --> 00:50:28.560
It is on Jackie Dorman.com.

863
00:50:29.520 --> 00:50:30.040
Okay.

864
00:50:31.320 --> 00:50:32.080
Sorry about that.

865
00:50:33.840 --> 00:50:34.960
No, it's okay.

866
00:50:35.120 --> 00:50:40.440
I figure that's why I was like, all right, let me, let me, let me come on and ask a

867
00:50:40.440 --> 00:50:48.120
question and then two, um, you know, me and my dating saga of non-existent, um, I

868
00:50:48.120 --> 00:50:50.560
am, it's hilarious.

869
00:50:50.640 --> 00:50:56.520
So I go on all these adventures and there is not a single guy on any of them.

870
00:50:56.520 --> 00:51:01.200
They are all married, every single one, which is so funny.

871
00:51:01.560 --> 00:51:03.200
Every single one is married.

872
00:51:03.800 --> 00:51:09.520
And then when I go on the dating apps, I start talking and then I get ghosted.

873
00:51:10.000 --> 00:51:16.920
And so I'm wondering how do I go about even getting the seven dates?

874
00:51:18.480 --> 00:51:22.440
I know dating apps and the world of dating can be frustrating.

875
00:51:22.760 --> 00:51:25.920
That is no, I've done it all seriously.

876
00:51:25.960 --> 00:51:28.840
And it can be a roller coaster in all of that included.

877
00:51:29.040 --> 00:51:30.200
So let's just be clear.

878
00:51:30.200 --> 00:51:31.080
That is not you.

879
00:51:32.680 --> 00:51:33.160
Gotcha.

880
00:51:33.600 --> 00:51:35.840
That's a, that's a clear thing right there.

881
00:51:36.320 --> 00:51:39.680
You know, I thought to myself when I was like, it's like a thousand women in this

882
00:51:39.680 --> 00:51:41.400
program and you made it to me.

883
00:51:41.400 --> 00:51:44.040
One of these women don't know a man for the other woman.

884
00:51:44.040 --> 00:51:46.040
And it's just like, how weird is that?

885
00:51:46.320 --> 00:51:55.600
Like somebody knows somebody, but, um, so it is not you.

886
00:51:55.600 --> 00:51:57.160
It's just what it appears.

887
00:51:57.160 --> 00:52:01.320
And I think that sometimes even with dating apps, you need to take a break and

888
00:52:01.320 --> 00:52:04.840
refresh yourself and put your focus in other places.

889
00:52:05.080 --> 00:52:06.960
You're not going to miss anything by doing it.

890
00:52:06.960 --> 00:52:09.800
And if you're getting frustrated with it, just stop for a while.

891
00:52:10.200 --> 00:52:11.120
Just pause.

892
00:52:11.160 --> 00:52:12.320
Yeah, that's a good idea.

893
00:52:12.320 --> 00:52:18.320
Because like, like last week I went ice climbing and I swear every guy in that,

894
00:52:18.360 --> 00:52:25.920
the, like the, the climb and it was a four day climb, every single one was

895
00:52:25.920 --> 00:52:33.640
married and I was like, okay, well, this is what we do now, but they're all

896
00:52:33.640 --> 00:52:39.200
married, so I was trying to see about single guys and I'm Tanya.

897
00:52:39.680 --> 00:52:42.560
It's like the married pool is out there.

898
00:52:42.920 --> 00:52:44.120
It was just hilarious.

899
00:52:44.600 --> 00:52:45.680
It is hilarious.

900
00:52:48.000 --> 00:52:48.480
Yeah.

901
00:52:48.720 --> 00:52:54.280
Um, I say take a break and get, get your footing back so that you won't be

902
00:52:54.280 --> 00:53:00.080
discouraged or that it won't, it won't affect you as much.

903
00:53:00.840 --> 00:53:01.240
Okay.

904
00:53:01.280 --> 00:53:03.400
Because you have been part of it for a while.

905
00:53:04.320 --> 00:53:04.840
Yeah.

906
00:53:04.880 --> 00:53:07.040
I've been in phase two for a while now.

907
00:53:07.960 --> 00:53:13.960
But you know, I also was in school, so I've missed Tuesdays because

908
00:53:13.960 --> 00:53:15.680
usually school's on Tuesdays.

909
00:53:15.680 --> 00:53:21.040
So I feel really bad because I want to show up, but classes at the same time.

910
00:53:21.560 --> 00:53:22.400
We miss you.

911
00:53:23.280 --> 00:53:24.520
I miss you guys too.

912
00:53:25.320 --> 00:53:28.200
But you know, you can go to phase three when you're ready.

913
00:53:28.920 --> 00:53:30.280
You've been in phase two a while.

914
00:53:30.440 --> 00:53:34.920
You can always like dip back over and chat with us and come to the coaching

915
00:53:35.920 --> 00:53:37.440
program if you need to.

916
00:53:38.000 --> 00:53:38.920
Um, okay.

917
00:53:38.920 --> 00:53:42.680
I'll probably do some coaching first before I hop to three.

918
00:53:43.080 --> 00:53:45.400
Just let me Renee, let me meet you.

919
00:53:45.400 --> 00:53:45.840
Hold up.

920
00:53:51.160 --> 00:53:51.480
Okay.

921
00:53:51.480 --> 00:53:52.640
Go ahead and unmute yourself.

922
00:53:57.240 --> 00:54:00.600
Um, yeah, I think I'll do one-on-one coaching with you.

923
00:54:00.600 --> 00:54:02.760
Cause we had talked about that before.

924
00:54:03.360 --> 00:54:07.800
And so I think that would be a better step before I actually moved to phase

925
00:54:07.800 --> 00:54:17.440
three, um, just, just to, um, get some things ironed out, like even just

926
00:54:17.440 --> 00:54:23.440
interplay, I just want to make sure that I'm good before I move to, um,

927
00:54:24.440 --> 00:54:26.200
no wrinkles is what I call.

928
00:54:27.440 --> 00:54:29.800
I'm hoping there's no wrinkles in the system.

929
00:54:30.760 --> 00:54:31.480
I agree with you.

930
00:54:31.480 --> 00:54:34.120
I think that we, we, a one-on-one would be very beneficial

931
00:54:34.120 --> 00:54:35.480
to work through some things.

932
00:54:35.880 --> 00:54:37.560
Yeah, I agree.

933
00:54:37.800 --> 00:54:38.640
I think so too.

934
00:54:39.520 --> 00:54:40.280
Okay, great.

935
00:54:41.080 --> 00:54:41.640
Thank you.

936
00:54:41.880 --> 00:54:42.480
I appreciate it.

937
00:54:42.480 --> 00:54:43.400
It was good seeing you.

938
00:54:43.680 --> 00:54:46.280
I won't see you next week, but back to school.

939
00:54:46.440 --> 00:54:48.000
However, I'm happy to see you.

940
00:54:48.720 --> 00:54:49.240
All right.

941
00:54:49.240 --> 00:54:49.840
Thank you.

942
00:54:49.840 --> 00:54:50.320
Thank you.

943
00:54:51.920 --> 00:54:52.680
Pauline.

944
00:54:52.680 --> 00:54:56.920
It's so good to see you tonight and so good to hear from you because it

945
00:54:56.920 --> 00:54:59.800
would have taken a lot of typing to answer.

946
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:09.360
Hi everyone. I'm new here. It's my first live session. I don't know if that's okay, but

947
00:55:09.360 --> 00:55:14.280
a thought came to me when Renee was sharing about hiking or climbing with a group of married

948
00:55:14.280 --> 00:55:20.600
men. I think Jackie said at the kickoff video, tell the folks that you're looking for someone

949
00:55:20.600 --> 00:55:25.320
to be married. So tell those married men that you're looking for someone, Renee. That's

950
00:55:25.320 --> 00:55:33.280
the word out there. Um, yeah, so I, uh, I've kind of shared on the, in our community earlier

951
00:55:33.280 --> 00:55:40.440
this week about a very good date I had. I mean, we just been chatting really on the

952
00:55:40.440 --> 00:55:46.400
platform and then we moved on to WhatsApp chats. Uh, but I did the WhatsApp thing only

953
00:55:46.400 --> 00:55:51.520
after he agreed to do a video call just so that I can ascertain this is a real, real,

954
00:55:51.520 --> 00:55:59.360
real person and not a catfisher, not a real person. Um, and, and because I think in the

955
00:55:59.360 --> 00:56:05.080
course of sharing, uh, he talked about something that's very, he's very passionate about. And

956
00:56:05.080 --> 00:56:10.760
so I was just kind of like asking more about that. And then it ended up going into, I think

957
00:56:10.760 --> 00:56:15.560
somewhere deep, you know, because we are talking about passions. Right. And so then I was like,

958
00:56:15.560 --> 00:56:20.800
Oh my gosh, shoot. Like I'm not supposed to go deep at this stage, but, but it has gone

959
00:56:20.880 --> 00:56:28.240
that way. And then it's, and then, um, and then because he is a very kind and helpful

960
00:56:28.240 --> 00:56:33.000
person. So when I share something, he would be really responsive and go, you know what,

961
00:56:33.000 --> 00:56:37.200
you know, if you're open, I can kind of guide you through some of these things. And I'll

962
00:56:37.200 --> 00:56:40.960
be like, yo dude, like, hang on. Like, are we do, so what are we doing? Are we doing

963
00:56:40.960 --> 00:56:45.560
friendship or are we doing dating or what's happening? And are we going too deep, too

964
00:56:45.560 --> 00:56:52.040
fast? And so I, I just, I would love inputs on how to navigate this. And the second part

965
00:56:52.040 --> 00:56:58.040
to this is I noticed something about myself, which is as I shared in a community, I tend

966
00:56:58.040 --> 00:57:02.680
to, if it's good, I tend to go into fantasies, you know, and sometimes it's sexual. And then

967
00:57:02.680 --> 00:57:08.840
I feel like I'm so sinful. And then sometimes I get, maybe my attachment style, it's a bit,

968
00:57:08.840 --> 00:57:15.160
maybe disorganized or anxious. And so I find myself kind of obsessing over like, is he

969
00:57:15.160 --> 00:57:19.800
texting me? Has he replied? Do I reply? What do I do? Should I not take initiative? Should

970
00:57:19.800 --> 00:57:27.240
I, and this is just phase two, yo. And I'm like, oh my gosh, what do I do? And I don't

971
00:57:27.240 --> 00:57:31.960
like this feeling. It just makes it feel like it's supposed to be low stakes, right, Ebony?

972
00:57:35.320 --> 00:57:39.480
Well, Farlane, thank you so much for sharing, but I want you to know that this

973
00:57:39.480 --> 00:57:47.720
is a very common thing. I was the queen of fantasizing and I actually heard a teaching

974
00:57:47.720 --> 00:57:52.120
on it. And I started applying that teaching to my life because I knew that fantasizing

975
00:57:52.120 --> 00:57:57.000
was costing me. So I'm going to go back to your first question first. What do you do

976
00:57:57.000 --> 00:58:02.120
basically when you're getting to know someone and they're kind of talking really deep already,

977
00:58:02.120 --> 00:58:05.880
you're enjoying it. So you really don't mind, but you realize it's going a little bit too

978
00:58:05.880 --> 00:58:11.720
far, a little too fast, right? Because in actuality, you don't know them. You are fruit

979
00:58:11.720 --> 00:58:16.920
inspector. And so technically, if you've never spent a substantial amount of time with a person,

980
00:58:16.920 --> 00:58:22.120
you really don't know if they really love Jesus. You don't know how they guard themselves. All

981
00:58:22.120 --> 00:58:28.520
you know is what they say, but you don't know them. And so that's a real thing. You don't know

982
00:58:28.520 --> 00:58:33.080
them. Not that they're trying to trick you. You just don't know them. You don't know how they

983
00:58:33.080 --> 00:58:38.440
govern their life. You know what they say they do, right? And so we have to be mindful of that

984
00:58:38.440 --> 00:58:44.520
when we're getting to know a person. They love God, but remember, you also love God. What do

985
00:58:44.520 --> 00:58:50.200
you do that doesn't rightly align with the Lord? What areas are you growing in? We'll see a person

986
00:58:50.200 --> 00:58:56.360
the same way. There are areas that they're growing in. There are areas that they may not be as strong

987
00:58:56.360 --> 00:59:01.880
in. And so when you assume that there's something as an all around whole person, you're serving

988
00:59:01.880 --> 00:59:07.560
yourself in them an injustice because you're giving expectations that may not be possible to

989
00:59:07.560 --> 00:59:14.600
meet. And if you will spend more time being just a fruit inspector, not putting a nail in it that

990
00:59:14.600 --> 00:59:21.000
this is who they are. That's who they say they are. And I'm getting to know them. Okay. And that

991
00:59:21.000 --> 00:59:27.800
saves you disappointment because you don't have to be disappointed. You just have to remember that

992
00:59:27.800 --> 00:59:32.760
this is a person I'm getting to know, and I know this is what they say they enjoy. And it's so nice

993
00:59:32.760 --> 00:59:41.400
to know that they enjoy this because I enjoy that also. The second thing about your disorganized

994
00:59:41.400 --> 00:59:46.920
attachment, anxious attachment, things running out, all of it has to do with you submitting

995
00:59:46.920 --> 00:59:52.440
yourself to, okay, before I say that. So when you're talking to a man and he's going faster,

996
00:59:52.440 --> 00:59:57.240
it was okay at first, but you realize it's going too fast. You have to know that

997
00:59:58.280 --> 00:59:59.800
he's not here to set the pace.

998
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.040
for you, you're here to set the pace for yourself.

999
01:00:05.040 --> 01:00:08.560
And so this idea that, oh, well, he was talking about it.

1000
01:00:08.560 --> 01:00:14.160
What does it have to do with you? You are in a program that teaches you how

1001
01:00:14.160 --> 01:00:19.440
to date in a healthy way. Not him. So you now have knowledge that you

1002
01:00:19.440 --> 01:00:23.600
didn't have before now. And with the knowledge that you have,

1003
01:00:23.600 --> 01:00:27.600
you understand that pacing is everything because it

1004
01:00:27.600 --> 01:00:32.400
helps you get to know a person as they are. It helps you get to know

1005
01:00:32.400 --> 01:00:35.840
yourself and it helps to guard your heart without

1006
01:00:35.840 --> 01:00:39.840
diligence. And so that when you get to the end of

1007
01:00:39.840 --> 01:00:43.040
week two and they ghost you or do something to hurt you,

1008
01:00:43.040 --> 01:00:46.800
you're not distressed and somewhere hiding under the bed because the world

1009
01:00:46.800 --> 01:00:51.280
is falling apart, right? Well, because the understanding

1010
01:00:51.280 --> 01:00:54.560
from the very beginning that you're getting to know them

1011
01:00:54.560 --> 01:01:01.360
is key and that you don't know them is key. And when you find that

1012
01:01:01.360 --> 01:01:04.880
you're fantasizing about somebody, sometimes that means you made a decision

1013
01:01:04.880 --> 01:01:09.840
about who they are in your mind, but more so in your heart. And so now

1014
01:01:09.840 --> 01:01:12.640
you, now this is something that's real. They

1015
01:01:12.640 --> 01:01:15.360
sound great. If they check out like they say they are,

1016
01:01:15.360 --> 01:01:18.880
you think, okay, they live there. Could I live there?

1017
01:01:18.880 --> 01:01:21.920
Okay. They said, what do you mean? Could I really live with children?

1018
01:01:21.920 --> 01:01:25.200
I mean, I don't know. They said that they're in ministry. Like, could I really

1019
01:01:25.200 --> 01:01:28.400
do that? That's, I don't want you to have these

1020
01:01:28.400 --> 01:01:32.080
thought ladies and go beating yourself up.

1021
01:01:32.080 --> 01:01:37.520
You are in a faith walk with the Lord. You're believing that there are

1022
01:01:37.520 --> 01:01:40.880
possibilities that you haven't even considered that just

1023
01:01:40.880 --> 01:01:46.560
awaits you. Okay? So these are things that are bound to come up. You can't have a

1024
01:01:46.560 --> 01:01:50.400
thought like, oh, I shouldn't have thought that. I shouldn't have thought that. It's not true.

1025
01:01:50.400 --> 01:01:53.760
Right? You're believing for a spouse. That's just where you are.

1026
01:01:53.760 --> 01:01:59.440
And so have fun, right? Understand what's happening. And so when

1027
01:01:59.440 --> 01:02:02.320
that same, so when those same thoughts go down the

1028
01:02:02.320 --> 01:02:05.200
road that it shouldn't, you know how to say, whoa,

1029
01:02:05.200 --> 01:02:08.960
we're not going there. That's what happens when you

1030
01:02:08.960 --> 01:02:14.640
understand where you are. I think I'm worried about, because I

1031
01:02:14.640 --> 01:02:19.040
think I'm worried about maybe how, not doing it correctly in

1032
01:02:19.040 --> 01:02:23.840
terms of trying to help redirect the pace. I'm afraid of

1033
01:02:23.840 --> 01:02:28.640
chasing him away. You know, I think that's the fear I have.

1034
01:02:28.640 --> 01:02:32.080
Yeah. And what happens when you chase him away?

1035
01:02:32.080 --> 01:02:37.440
Well, I know what Jackie would say, let them weed themselves out.

1036
01:02:37.440 --> 01:02:41.120
Yeah. You know. So what's going to happen

1037
01:02:41.120 --> 01:02:46.000
when you, when he runs away from you? I will feel like I have

1038
01:02:46.000 --> 01:02:49.920
maybe sabotaged something potentially good for myself because he's really

1039
01:02:49.920 --> 01:02:52.960
quite good. I mean, based on what I know for now,

1040
01:02:52.960 --> 01:02:57.040
you know. So let's just deal with what you think you know for now.

1041
01:02:57.040 --> 01:03:00.320
You've been knowing him for two weeks. You haven't spent any real experience

1042
01:03:00.320 --> 01:03:04.480
with him. You don't have any experience with him.

1043
01:03:04.480 --> 01:03:08.320
For all you know, he could have a rap sheet longer than your own

1044
01:03:08.320 --> 01:03:13.280
in prison time. For all you know, he could have two families on the other side of

1045
01:03:13.280 --> 01:03:18.080
the railroad track. That's true.

1046
01:03:18.080 --> 01:03:21.360
I'm just, I'm just being real with you like, so,

1047
01:03:21.360 --> 01:03:26.720
so if you are at a place and you say, I'm scared I'm gonna run him out.

1048
01:03:26.720 --> 01:03:30.320
You find out something about him, you gonna be glad he ran away from you.

1049
01:03:30.320 --> 01:03:34.480
I'm just saying that shows you how little you know. Let's deal with that in

1050
01:03:34.480 --> 01:03:37.920
your heart right now and come to the conclusion that you don't

1051
01:03:37.920 --> 01:03:41.280
know him. Yeah. That you are getting, you need to

1052
01:03:41.280 --> 01:03:45.280
release that. I am telling you, release this lie that

1053
01:03:45.280 --> 01:03:49.360
you know him. You don't know him, Pauline. You don't

1054
01:03:49.360 --> 01:03:55.040
know him any more than you know me. That's true. And the reason why you're

1055
01:03:55.040 --> 01:04:00.400
listening to me is because you trust Jackie's program and she has given me a

1056
01:04:00.400 --> 01:04:04.800
place of authority in her program. And so you trust Jackie

1057
01:04:04.800 --> 01:04:10.800
and because of that you have trust in the person that's talking to you.

1058
01:04:12.000 --> 01:04:16.480
Okay? Yeah. But if I did something in a few weeks that hurt you, you're gonna

1059
01:04:16.480 --> 01:04:20.880
know me differently. Your heart is gonna see me differently.

1060
01:04:20.880 --> 01:04:24.080
You don't know him.

1061
01:04:25.120 --> 01:04:29.760
You don't know him. I spend a lot of time telling myself that

1062
01:04:29.760 --> 01:04:34.960
over and over and over and over. This will be helpful to you,

1063
01:04:34.960 --> 01:04:38.640
Pauline. Also, if you have those racing thoughts, thoughts that get away from you,

1064
01:04:38.640 --> 01:04:42.560
fantasies, and you go ahead really quickly. A lot of times we go ahead

1065
01:04:42.560 --> 01:04:46.560
really quickly for me. I used to do it because I felt safe

1066
01:04:46.560 --> 01:04:49.840
that way. And so it was important to me in order

1067
01:04:49.840 --> 01:04:52.560
to feel safe to make a decision about who you are

1068
01:04:52.560 --> 01:04:56.720
right now. So I would gather whether I was going to make a decision that you

1069
01:04:56.720 --> 01:04:59.120
were bad or good, I was going to make it quickly.

1070
01:04:59.120 --> 01:05:02.000
Because that's the only

1071
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.160
The only way from how I experienced life

1072
01:05:03.160 --> 01:05:04.700
was for me to feel safe.

1073
01:05:06.480 --> 01:05:07.600
And so you want to make a,

1074
01:05:07.600 --> 01:05:11.120
I used to want to make a decision quickly about a person,

1075
01:05:11.120 --> 01:05:13.520
but remind yourself why you're dating

1076
01:05:13.520 --> 01:05:15.880
because you're going to date some more people

1077
01:05:15.880 --> 01:05:17.160
that you don't know him,

1078
01:05:17.160 --> 01:05:19.120
but you are getting to know him

1079
01:05:19.120 --> 01:05:23.280
and what you know thus far, you enjoy.

1080
01:05:23.280 --> 01:05:26.320
So you don't have to take away from your experience,

1081
01:05:26.320 --> 01:05:28.040
but you don't have to make a decision

1082
01:05:28.040 --> 01:05:30.440
about your experience either, okay?

1083
01:05:30.440 --> 01:05:34.080
So if you ran him out, he was never for you

1084
01:05:34.080 --> 01:05:37.200
because whoever your spouse is, you won't run him out.

1085
01:05:39.240 --> 01:05:40.080
Thank you.

1086
01:05:40.080 --> 01:05:44.700
And you're not gonna get him in performance either.

1087
01:05:44.700 --> 01:05:47.260
Whoever your spouse is, he wants to know you.

1088
01:05:49.600 --> 01:05:51.480
He don't want to know your representative.

1089
01:05:51.480 --> 01:05:52.700
He wants to know you.

1090
01:05:53.640 --> 01:05:57.660
And when he gets to know you, he's going to enjoy you.

1091
01:05:59.040 --> 01:06:01.800
And you won't be able to run him out

1092
01:06:01.800 --> 01:06:03.760
because whenever you experience a man

1093
01:06:03.760 --> 01:06:06.840
that really wants a woman, you'll know what I'm saying,

1094
01:06:06.840 --> 01:06:11.840
especially an integrous man, a quality man, okay?

1095
01:06:12.480 --> 01:06:14.160
And so you don't know him.

1096
01:06:14.160 --> 01:06:15.400
How do you stop?

1097
01:06:15.400 --> 01:06:17.560
How do you stop someone speeding up?

1098
01:06:17.560 --> 01:06:19.480
When they speed up, you slow them down

1099
01:06:19.480 --> 01:06:22.480
by being using your words and saying like,

1100
01:06:22.480 --> 01:06:24.760
hey, that's a really great question,

1101
01:06:24.760 --> 01:06:27.620
but I don't want us to talk about these things right now.

1102
01:06:28.200 --> 01:06:29.300
Let's just stay where we are.

1103
01:06:29.300 --> 01:06:31.420
Let's get to know each other on this level.

1104
01:06:31.420 --> 01:06:34.500
That's, Pauline, that's you using your words.

1105
01:06:34.500 --> 01:06:36.340
It's important that you use them

1106
01:06:36.340 --> 01:06:38.780
because that's what this time is for.

1107
01:06:38.780 --> 01:06:40.340
Because when you get married,

1108
01:06:40.340 --> 01:06:42.060
you're gonna have to use that same language

1109
01:06:42.060 --> 01:06:43.540
with your husband.

1110
01:06:43.540 --> 01:06:45.900
Babe, I know you really want to talk about this,

1111
01:06:45.900 --> 01:06:49.180
but my heart is not prepared to deal with this right now.

1112
01:06:49.180 --> 01:06:52.440
If we go any further, I may say some hurtful things to you.

1113
01:06:54.700 --> 01:06:55.700
Right?

1114
01:06:55.700 --> 01:06:57.540
That's a real thing.

1115
01:06:58.380 --> 01:06:59.220
Okay?

1116
01:06:59.220 --> 01:07:00.500
That's called relationships.

1117
01:07:01.340 --> 01:07:03.700
So that's what a relationship looks like.

1118
01:07:03.700 --> 01:07:06.300
So you are going to use your words

1119
01:07:06.300 --> 01:07:08.540
when a man is going faster than you want,

1120
01:07:08.540 --> 01:07:11.020
or if you don't stop him from talking when they get done,

1121
01:07:11.020 --> 01:07:12.660
say, hey, maybe you feel very,

1122
01:07:12.660 --> 01:07:14.180
and if you don't know this language,

1123
01:07:14.180 --> 01:07:15.420
you need to write it down.

1124
01:07:15.420 --> 01:07:16.680
Maybe you feel very comfortable

1125
01:07:16.680 --> 01:07:18.260
sharing those things with me.

1126
01:07:18.260 --> 01:07:20.860
I understand, but this is not a conversation

1127
01:07:20.860 --> 01:07:21.980
I prefer to have,

1128
01:07:21.980 --> 01:07:24.460
so I'm gonna take us down a lighter road.

1129
01:07:25.620 --> 01:07:27.500
And then you're gonna have some questions in your phone

1130
01:07:28.140 --> 01:07:30.300
on him that you Google

1131
01:07:30.300 --> 01:07:33.060
that says, if you could be any character in the Bible,

1132
01:07:33.060 --> 01:07:34.860
who would you be and why?

1133
01:07:34.860 --> 01:07:36.620
So when people say I don't like small talk,

1134
01:07:36.620 --> 01:07:38.260
Rachel's laughing at me.

1135
01:07:38.260 --> 01:07:40.420
Like, that is one of my most favorite questions,

1136
01:07:40.420 --> 01:07:43.060
because I want to know who they resonate with,

1137
01:07:43.060 --> 01:07:45.660
because it tells me so much about them.

1138
01:07:45.660 --> 01:07:46.500
Right?

1139
01:07:46.500 --> 01:07:48.220
So if they tell me they resonate with Paul,

1140
01:07:48.220 --> 01:07:49.500
or they resonate with Moses,

1141
01:07:49.500 --> 01:07:51.340
you'd be like, oh, wow.

1142
01:07:51.340 --> 01:07:53.620
You know, like if they say I resonate with Elijah,

1143
01:07:53.620 --> 01:07:55.300
you'd be like, what?

1144
01:07:55.300 --> 01:07:57.060
You want to be like Elijah?

1145
01:07:57.620 --> 01:07:59.300
Or if this is a person you don't know

1146
01:07:59.300 --> 01:08:00.660
if they're a believer or not,

1147
01:08:00.660 --> 01:08:02.300
you may just say, you know, like,

1148
01:08:02.300 --> 01:08:04.660
what's something that you could do all day long

1149
01:08:04.660 --> 01:08:06.460
and never get tired?

1150
01:08:06.460 --> 01:08:09.580
What's one cause that you will fight for?

1151
01:08:09.580 --> 01:08:12.340
What is something that you want to see changed in society

1152
01:08:12.340 --> 01:08:13.860
or changed in your family?

1153
01:08:13.860 --> 01:08:17.420
Like, these are healthy, whole questions

1154
01:08:17.420 --> 01:08:20.460
that tells you what a person thinks about legacy.

1155
01:08:20.460 --> 01:08:21.700
It tells you what they think.

1156
01:08:21.700 --> 01:08:22.979
How do they build?

1157
01:08:22.979 --> 01:08:24.140
Do they build well?

1158
01:08:24.140 --> 01:08:26.540
What does their foundation look like?

1159
01:08:26.540 --> 01:08:28.899
Do they believe in structure and order without saying,

1160
01:08:28.899 --> 01:08:30.660
do you believe in structure and order?

1161
01:08:30.660 --> 01:08:32.620
Find questions that are light

1162
01:08:32.620 --> 01:08:35.500
that actually bring these things out.

1163
01:08:35.500 --> 01:08:36.620
All right?

1164
01:08:36.620 --> 01:08:38.340
What state have you never been to

1165
01:08:38.340 --> 01:08:39.420
that you really want to go to?

1166
01:08:39.420 --> 01:08:40.700
What activity that you want?

1167
01:08:40.700 --> 01:08:44.060
What activity you want to do that you've never done before?

1168
01:08:44.060 --> 01:08:45.660
And then they'd be like, I want to do skydiving.

1169
01:08:45.660 --> 01:08:47.020
Oh, tell me more about that.

1170
01:08:47.020 --> 01:08:48.939
What attracts you to skydiving?

1171
01:08:50.140 --> 01:08:50.979
Right?

1172
01:08:51.979 --> 01:08:54.100
So, all right, we got that done.

1173
01:08:54.100 --> 01:08:55.859
And so let's deal with this quickly.

1174
01:08:55.859 --> 01:08:56.939
Fantasies.

1175
01:08:58.020 --> 01:08:59.899
So we know you're going to try to think about like,

1176
01:08:59.899 --> 01:09:02.220
oh, if you never had a baby, would our baby be cute?

1177
01:09:02.220 --> 01:09:03.060
I don't know.

1178
01:09:03.060 --> 01:09:03.899
Yeah.

1179
01:09:03.899 --> 01:09:05.460
Or, you know, where would we live?

1180
01:09:05.460 --> 01:09:06.300
What would that look like?

1181
01:09:06.300 --> 01:09:08.580
Those are just like preliminary things, right?

1182
01:09:08.580 --> 01:09:09.819
Okay.

1183
01:09:09.819 --> 01:09:12.060
When you start having sexual fantasies

1184
01:09:12.060 --> 01:09:14.740
or going even further than those initial thoughts,

1185
01:09:14.740 --> 01:09:19.740
you say to yourself, I don't have the grace for this space.

1186
01:09:20.020 --> 01:09:22.140
I am not going to think about this.

1187
01:09:24.300 --> 01:09:25.140
That's it.

1188
01:09:26.100 --> 01:09:27.580
The simplest thing.

1189
01:09:27.580 --> 01:09:28.420
Are you still on, Pauline?

1190
01:09:28.420 --> 01:09:29.779
I don't see your face anymore.

1191
01:09:29.779 --> 01:09:30.859
Yes, I'm still on.

1192
01:09:30.859 --> 01:09:31.700
I'm here.

1193
01:09:31.700 --> 01:09:33.140
I don't know where you are.

1194
01:09:33.140 --> 01:09:33.979
I feel bad.

1195
01:09:33.979 --> 01:09:36.100
I've just been quietly listening.

1196
01:09:36.100 --> 01:09:38.540
I know, but when your face left the front of the camera,

1197
01:09:38.540 --> 01:09:39.819
I can't find you anymore.

1198
01:09:40.700 --> 01:09:41.540
Oh, do you want me to-

1199
01:09:41.540 --> 01:09:42.819
Anyway, here you go.

1200
01:09:42.819 --> 01:09:43.660
I got you.

1201
01:09:43.660 --> 01:09:46.460
So you just say like, hey, that's not where we are.

1202
01:09:46.460 --> 01:09:47.300
I don't live there.

1203
01:09:47.300 --> 01:09:48.220
I live here.

1204
01:09:48.220 --> 01:09:49.939
Those are one of the things I would say to myself

1205
01:09:49.939 --> 01:09:53.180
all the time that stopped me from fantasizing.

1206
01:09:53.180 --> 01:09:55.540
Or I will begin to declare truths

1207
01:09:55.540 --> 01:09:57.780
about who I am and where I am.

1208
01:09:57.780 --> 01:10:00.060
So I have this really fun game I do.

1209
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.400
when I walk by myself or with somebody else,

1210
01:10:02.400 --> 01:10:03.880
and it's called what if.

1211
01:10:03.880 --> 01:10:11.600
So I start saying, what if I start a new regimen tomorrow,

1212
01:10:11.600 --> 01:10:14.520
and in a month, I've lost 10 pounds, anything?

1213
01:10:14.520 --> 01:10:18.480
What if I come up with this really cool idea,

1214
01:10:18.480 --> 01:10:20.160
and I create something like that?

1215
01:10:20.160 --> 01:10:21.720
It's a what if game.

1216
01:10:21.720 --> 01:10:23.840
Instead of thinking what will go wrong,

1217
01:10:23.840 --> 01:10:26.360
what if I start thinking of all the great things that

1218
01:10:26.360 --> 01:10:27.760
could happen in my life?

1219
01:10:27.760 --> 01:10:30.000
So one thought interrupts another thought.

1220
01:10:30.000 --> 01:10:31.640
And if you fantasize really badly,

1221
01:10:31.640 --> 01:10:33.240
you need to use this tool, because I

1222
01:10:33.240 --> 01:10:35.240
was a really bad fantasizer.

1223
01:10:35.240 --> 01:10:38.280
And so I will always use a tool to interrupt that thought

1224
01:10:38.280 --> 01:10:40.280
with another thought, because you can't have two

1225
01:10:40.280 --> 01:10:42.000
of the same thing at the same time.

1226
01:10:42.000 --> 01:10:43.840
Or I start talking out loud.

1227
01:10:43.840 --> 01:10:47.480
If I talk out loud, I disrupt what's happening in my mind.

1228
01:10:47.480 --> 01:10:50.200
And if you do that enough, you will train yourself

1229
01:10:50.200 --> 01:10:52.560
to stop fantasizing.

1230
01:10:52.560 --> 01:10:57.080
Now, if you do stuff like listen to music, watch love stories,

1231
01:10:57.080 --> 01:10:59.120
all of this kind of certain music you listen to,

1232
01:10:59.120 --> 01:11:00.800
you watch a Hallmark all the time,

1233
01:11:00.800 --> 01:11:02.320
you watch love stories all the time,

1234
01:11:02.320 --> 01:11:04.240
you watch people have sex on TV all the time.

1235
01:11:04.240 --> 01:11:05.480
If you're looking at pornography,

1236
01:11:05.480 --> 01:11:07.000
if you're looking at things that create

1237
01:11:07.000 --> 01:11:09.040
those images in your mind, they're going to keep coming,

1238
01:11:09.040 --> 01:11:10.800
and it's not going to be any way out of it.

1239
01:11:10.800 --> 01:11:13.840
You're going to have to guard your eye gate and your ear gate.

1240
01:11:13.840 --> 01:11:15.120
Go ahead.

1241
01:11:15.120 --> 01:11:18.400
Yeah, I was just curious if you could also share with us

1242
01:11:18.400 --> 01:11:23.480
the teaching that you mentioned about managing fantasies.

1243
01:11:23.480 --> 01:11:26.520
I think you mentioned at the start of the sharing that.

1244
01:11:26.520 --> 01:11:29.240
Oh, I heard somebody teach about it?

1245
01:11:29.240 --> 01:11:31.040
Yeah, yeah.

1246
01:11:31.040 --> 01:11:31.800
I can't remember.

1247
01:11:31.800 --> 01:11:34.400
It's been so long ago, probably five years ago,

1248
01:11:34.400 --> 01:11:36.000
six or seven years ago.

1249
01:11:36.000 --> 01:11:38.360
But I think it was Chris Vallotton.

1250
01:11:38.360 --> 01:11:40.080
I don't even know what the teaching was.

1251
01:11:40.080 --> 01:11:42.680
Chris Vallotton mentioned about fantasies

1252
01:11:42.680 --> 01:11:44.520
and how do you break free from them.

1253
01:11:44.520 --> 01:11:46.560
And that's what he said.

1254
01:11:46.560 --> 01:11:48.640
So one of his teachings was about thoughts.

1255
01:11:48.640 --> 01:11:51.920
And he was saying, we believe that because we hear a thought,

1256
01:11:51.920 --> 01:11:55.600
it belongs to us, but we don't have to own it.

1257
01:11:55.600 --> 01:11:56.840
Because we are a channel.

1258
01:11:56.840 --> 01:11:58.880
Thoughts come through in and out.

1259
01:11:58.880 --> 01:12:00.840
And so we don't have to own every thought that

1260
01:12:00.840 --> 01:12:02.160
comes through.

1261
01:12:02.160 --> 01:12:05.240
And I think then he mentioned something about fantasies.

1262
01:12:05.240 --> 01:12:07.360
And I picked up what he said, and I just

1263
01:12:07.360 --> 01:12:09.360
started implementing in my life the things

1264
01:12:09.360 --> 01:12:10.440
that I share with you.

1265
01:12:10.440 --> 01:12:14.680
And then I stopped that problem.

1266
01:12:14.680 --> 01:12:15.360
Thank you.

1267
01:12:15.360 --> 01:12:16.280
Thank you so much.

1268
01:12:16.280 --> 01:12:16.880
That's so helpful.

1269
01:12:16.880 --> 01:12:17.360
You're welcome.

1270
01:12:17.360 --> 01:12:17.880
Thank you.

1271
01:12:17.880 --> 01:12:18.560
I'll try them.

1272
01:12:18.560 --> 01:12:19.120
I'll do them.

1273
01:12:19.120 --> 01:12:19.840
Yeah.

1274
01:12:19.840 --> 01:12:21.480
OK, I know I said a lot, but yeah.

1275
01:12:21.520 --> 01:12:23.520
OK, she kind of.

1276
01:12:28.680 --> 01:12:31.720
How's it going?

1277
01:12:31.720 --> 01:12:34.240
OK, just had to get my little unmute button.

1278
01:12:34.240 --> 01:12:35.560
Let me get inside the chat.

1279
01:12:35.560 --> 01:12:37.280
It's really windy out here.

1280
01:12:37.280 --> 01:12:40.360
Oh, goodness.

1281
01:12:40.360 --> 01:12:43.320
Oh, so get inside.

1282
01:12:43.320 --> 01:12:45.280
I'm sure y'all hear the wind.

1283
01:12:45.280 --> 01:12:46.600
Oh, yeah, I can't hear the wind.

1284
01:12:46.600 --> 01:12:48.080
I didn't know what it was at first.

1285
01:12:48.680 --> 01:12:51.600
It's huge.

1286
01:12:51.600 --> 01:12:55.080
OK, so first of all, I just want to say

1287
01:12:55.080 --> 01:12:59.440
I'm very thankful for this community.

1288
01:12:59.440 --> 01:13:02.600
When I hear other women talk, I can

1289
01:13:02.600 --> 01:13:08.880
see how much growth that's been growing inside of me.

1290
01:13:08.880 --> 01:13:14.160
And also, I can see how my mindset has definitely changed.

1291
01:13:14.160 --> 01:13:16.360
So I just want to say, first and foremost,

1292
01:13:16.360 --> 01:13:19.960
thank you so much to you, Ebony, and all the other coaches

1293
01:13:19.960 --> 01:13:22.200
that are here to spend time with us, coaching us,

1294
01:13:22.200 --> 01:13:23.320
encouraging us.

1295
01:13:23.320 --> 01:13:25.040
I really appreciate it.

1296
01:13:25.040 --> 01:13:31.640
Because I was talking to one of my friends,

1297
01:13:31.640 --> 01:13:33.960
and she's nothing but 25.

1298
01:13:33.960 --> 01:13:37.280
And she just talks so negative about men.

1299
01:13:37.280 --> 01:13:38.640
She says she hates men.

1300
01:13:38.640 --> 01:13:40.240
And she's only 25.

1301
01:13:40.240 --> 01:13:42.400
And I don't even think she has that much of a dating

1302
01:13:42.400 --> 01:13:43.560
experience to even say that.

1303
01:13:43.560 --> 01:13:45.640
She's never been married or anything like that.

1304
01:13:45.640 --> 01:13:46.880
So I'm like, oh my god, girl.

1305
01:13:46.880 --> 01:13:48.800
I say you cannot say things like that,

1306
01:13:48.800 --> 01:13:51.560
because you're not going to attract great men

1307
01:13:51.560 --> 01:13:53.440
if you say you hate men.

1308
01:13:53.440 --> 01:13:57.880
So thank you so much for just coaching us, encouraging us,

1309
01:13:57.880 --> 01:14:00.440
and helping us with our mindset.

1310
01:14:00.440 --> 01:14:05.640
Second thing I wanted to say is, for me, I don't think,

1311
01:14:05.640 --> 01:14:07.920
especially at my age of 40, I don't

1312
01:14:07.920 --> 01:14:16.160
think I can get excited about a man or get, what's

1313
01:14:16.160 --> 01:14:17.960
another word other than excited?

1314
01:14:17.960 --> 01:14:19.440
Or feel like, oh, wow, we're really

1315
01:14:19.440 --> 01:14:23.040
going somewhere until like a good three to six months

1316
01:14:23.040 --> 01:14:24.960
have passed, right?

1317
01:14:24.960 --> 01:14:32.560
So what is your advice, Ebony, for the talking stage?

1318
01:14:32.680 --> 01:14:37.000
Like, how many dates or how many months

1319
01:14:37.000 --> 01:14:40.600
should pass before you really even start getting excited?

1320
01:14:40.600 --> 01:14:42.760
Because at my age, I've been there, done that,

1321
01:14:42.760 --> 01:14:44.840
been engaged before, it didn't work out, all that.

1322
01:14:44.840 --> 01:14:46.960
So some time really has to pass before I

1323
01:14:46.960 --> 01:14:48.240
get excited about anybody.

1324
01:14:48.240 --> 01:14:49.600
So what is your advice?

1325
01:14:49.600 --> 01:14:53.520
Because another thing on top of that, with the talking stage,

1326
01:14:53.520 --> 01:14:55.680
it's only so much talking I'm going

1327
01:14:55.680 --> 01:15:00.080
to accept before you schedule a first date, because I know

1328
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.920
my great-great-great-great-grandmother to the 1,000th power is, you know, Eve,

1329
01:15:03.920 --> 01:15:10.640
she was listening to a serpent. So we get enticed by what we hear, right? So if a man is just

1330
01:15:10.640 --> 01:15:15.040
talking, talking, talking, but he hasn't planned any dates, he's not doing anything, then why are

1331
01:15:15.040 --> 01:15:20.720
we getting excited? So, Ebony, I want you to take it from here. Again, I thank you again and all the

1332
01:15:20.720 --> 01:15:26.400
other coaches for working with us. And then what is your advice on the talking stage and when should

1333
01:15:26.400 --> 01:15:32.160
we be like, oh, wow, it's time to get excited? Yeah. Well, I tell you what, that is something,

1334
01:15:32.160 --> 01:15:35.920
ladies, you know, if you've been around this block a while, you do understand that because

1335
01:15:35.920 --> 01:15:41.840
I am 43 and I've had wonderful dates. I've talked to people who've been in marriage-minded

1336
01:15:41.840 --> 01:15:50.560
relationships and headed to altars and I'm very intentional about things. But one thing I will

1337
01:15:50.560 --> 01:15:59.840
say, Shekinah, that is true for me, I see most, most outdating as an experience.

1338
01:16:01.440 --> 01:16:04.880
And so I am more interested in me and how I show up

1339
01:16:09.120 --> 01:16:17.200
more than anything. And I am very scheduled in this way. So if I'm talking to you,

1340
01:16:18.160 --> 01:16:24.160
and first of all, you know, I agree. I usually won't talk to a person past a week without seeing

1341
01:16:24.160 --> 01:16:30.800
them. I don't, I don't do that. Agreed. I like to see a person I'm talking to is weird for me.

1342
01:16:30.800 --> 01:16:35.520
Could be my age. I don't, I just don't like it. I'm not going to talk to somebody too long. I don't

1343
01:16:35.520 --> 01:16:42.640
know how they look. Just about the second day I'm on the FaceTime. That's just, I'm, I never did. I

1344
01:16:42.800 --> 01:16:47.600
keep talking about three days and don't know how they look. I'm not going to text you. But that's

1345
01:16:47.600 --> 01:16:52.640
me. That's not a rule. Unless you're single. Please hear my heart when I say that that's not

1346
01:16:52.640 --> 01:16:59.440
a rule. That's an ebony thing. Now I will say this. When I'm getting to know someone and we

1347
01:16:59.440 --> 01:17:06.160
start dating or like not exclusive, start dating each other. And so, you know, probably after a

1348
01:17:06.160 --> 01:17:11.440
month, when we talk about deeper conversations, after so long, there's only so much, you're

1349
01:17:11.440 --> 01:17:15.360
getting to know a person. So when you start moving into like the fourth or fifth week,

1350
01:17:15.360 --> 01:17:18.880
depending on how much you're chatting with them, I'm not talking about you have no marathons on

1351
01:17:18.880 --> 01:17:24.640
phone. If you are testing, you're talking, certain things just aren't going to come up

1352
01:17:24.640 --> 01:17:33.760
because most adults are living a purpose field life. So for me, I'm going to give you an example.

1353
01:17:33.760 --> 01:17:39.200
I schedule most of my phone calls for the weekend because that's when I have the most

1354
01:17:39.200 --> 01:17:46.320
bandwidth availability. I don't, it's only on Thursdays when I don't have something to do

1355
01:17:46.320 --> 01:17:51.680
after work. That's the only day of the week. And then it's Saturday and Sunday. So I'm very

1356
01:17:51.680 --> 01:17:55.760
strategic in that I'm getting this kind of thing. Like I'm saying a lot of stuff, but because I am

1357
01:17:55.760 --> 01:18:01.120
strategic in my life is so planned out. Like I have a schedule about things about a month and

1358
01:18:01.120 --> 01:18:07.840
a half somewhere in there. I'm like, Oh, that's when the thought is hitting me. I think I like

1359
01:18:07.920 --> 01:18:12.400
them. Let me do some activities that helped me get to know them a bit better.

1360
01:18:13.040 --> 01:18:18.560
Let's try an escape room. So I'm very intentional about the activities that I choose

1361
01:18:19.280 --> 01:18:26.000
that helped me get to know a person. I don't relate. I don't, I don't put a lot of weight on

1362
01:18:26.000 --> 01:18:33.120
what we say, but I try to create experiences and certain questions that reveal more about the

1363
01:18:33.120 --> 01:18:42.720
person. And so legacy is important to me, how a person views legacy. And so then I will literally

1364
01:18:42.720 --> 01:18:49.360
Google questions that, that I can ask a person that reveals how they think and how they process,

1365
01:18:50.880 --> 01:18:56.720
because that's what I'm interested in and how they process. I'm interested in what they value,

1366
01:18:56.720 --> 01:19:02.800
not what they tell me. And so I find conversations that reveal that it seems like a lot of work.

1367
01:19:03.040 --> 01:19:07.200
You've never done it, but once you get a certain set of questions, you just keep following the

1368
01:19:07.200 --> 01:19:14.640
same script. So I say to kind of to answer your question with intentionality is how I do it.

1369
01:19:15.280 --> 01:19:21.520
Now we're going to have to hit about 60 days for me to be like, this could be going somewhere.

1370
01:19:23.040 --> 01:19:26.240
Okay. That's a good time. I'm literally counting.

1371
01:19:26.560 --> 01:19:35.440
I just, that just works best for me. I'm counting not because I'm like, I don't count and think this

1372
01:19:35.440 --> 01:19:38.640
in my mind. Okay. Is he getting serious? Is he getting, should I take him serious? Should I take

1373
01:19:38.640 --> 01:19:43.280
him serious? Has he proven? Has he proven? No, no, no, no, no. That's not what I'm doing. I'm

1374
01:19:43.280 --> 01:19:47.760
enjoying that person. And I am constantly making sure that I'm showing up as me.

1375
01:19:48.720 --> 01:19:55.440
I have community that I process with. How do I pace myself? I have people that I'm accountable to.

1376
01:19:57.680 --> 01:19:58.480
And I'm.

1377
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.520
I'm telling you, they can tell you I am accountable to the T.

1378
01:20:04.480 --> 01:20:06.080
I don't do anything on my own.

1379
01:20:08.880 --> 01:20:12.400
Ain't no feeling going to come over me that make me do something on my own

1380
01:20:13.240 --> 01:20:17.240
because I pay a cost. I've traded my dignity in ways.

1381
01:20:17.240 --> 01:20:21.920
I don't have enough ways to count how I've traded my dignity for a relationship.

1382
01:20:23.040 --> 01:20:26.280
I have paid a great cost for where I am now.

1383
01:20:26.680 --> 01:20:29.560
And so I don't take anything lightly.

1384
01:20:29.560 --> 01:20:33.160
I believe in community. Yes.

1385
01:20:33.160 --> 01:20:37.880
How someone problem solves generally comes up in the process of getting to know

1386
01:20:37.880 --> 01:20:40.320
them. But there are things that you can do to solve problems.

1387
01:20:40.440 --> 01:20:43.320
If you can do certain fun activities to see how people problem solve.

1388
01:20:43.320 --> 01:20:46.360
So escape room shows you how someone problem solves.

1389
01:20:48.200 --> 01:20:51.000
You can plan all kinds of things to show you how people problem solve.

1390
01:20:51.320 --> 01:20:53.520
Also around 60,

1391
01:20:54.960 --> 01:20:58.440
probably about after four or five weeks. And remember, this is the Ebony thing.

1392
01:20:58.440 --> 01:21:02.920
This is not a last year single. Okay. At some point I may say, Hey,

1393
01:21:02.920 --> 01:21:04.560
let's hang out with some people. I know.

1394
01:21:06.680 --> 01:21:10.880
Let's, let's do a double date. Right?

1395
01:21:10.880 --> 01:21:12.840
So this is around the two month mark.

1396
01:21:12.880 --> 01:21:16.560
I'm going to go a full 90 days before I go exclusive.

1397
01:21:16.600 --> 01:21:21.200
I believe in that. I don't feel that good to me.

1398
01:21:21.320 --> 01:21:24.480
Now, if the Lord brings my husband tomorrow and I have to change it,

1399
01:21:24.480 --> 01:21:26.720
I will tell you about it. I don't mind,

1400
01:21:26.720 --> 01:21:31.080
but actually wisdom says enjoy the journey. So I'm not in a hurry,

1401
01:21:31.240 --> 01:21:34.600
but anyway, she kind of, I hope somewhere in there, I answered your question.

1402
01:21:35.080 --> 01:21:35.920
Okay, good.

1403
01:21:37.320 --> 01:21:39.320
Yes, you did. Yes, you did.

1404
01:21:44.400 --> 01:21:48.720
Thank you for clarifying that. Hey, this is me. This is Ebony, not, you know,

1405
01:21:48.720 --> 01:21:49.960
last year single program,

1406
01:21:49.960 --> 01:21:53.320
but I really thank you for clarifying that because I just know at my age,

1407
01:21:53.520 --> 01:21:56.160
somebody running their mouth on the phone to me and they're not planning any

1408
01:21:56.200 --> 01:21:59.560
dates and they're not really investing any time to be present with me.

1409
01:21:59.560 --> 01:22:02.120
I'm not getting excited and they're not even worth talking about.

1410
01:22:02.240 --> 01:22:03.880
So thank you for clarifying that Ebony.

1411
01:22:05.000 --> 01:22:09.000
You're welcome. Yeah. You want to get experience. Experience matters.

1412
01:22:09.440 --> 01:22:14.080
Experience is how we get to know somebody and yeah.

1413
01:22:15.880 --> 01:22:18.680
And another thing too, um,

1414
01:22:20.320 --> 01:22:24.320
I'll take, I'll go to, it's 823. We'll go to the next question. Uh,

1415
01:22:25.080 --> 01:22:28.640
Sarah, did you put your hand down because you had to go? What happened?

1416
01:22:28.640 --> 01:22:32.440
Did you change your mind? Were you before or after Jasmine?

1417
01:22:35.800 --> 01:22:39.080
Jasmine was Sarah before or after you? Do you know?

1418
01:22:41.080 --> 01:22:42.120
I don't remember.

1419
01:22:43.440 --> 01:22:45.960
It's so good to see you. We'll go for it. I don't think.

1420
01:22:45.960 --> 01:22:47.440
Hey girl. Hey, hey ladies.

1421
01:22:48.880 --> 01:22:53.400
Appreciate your questions. Very helpful. Um, cause it kind of answers mine,

1422
01:22:53.400 --> 01:22:57.600
but mine's a little more specific for me personally. Um, so my question is

1423
01:22:59.520 --> 01:23:01.000
when, okay,

1424
01:23:01.000 --> 01:23:06.000
I'm trying to figure out how or when to tell my testimony on how I got saved

1425
01:23:07.920 --> 01:23:10.600
because people usually ask like in the beginning,

1426
01:23:11.000 --> 01:23:15.600
but because my testimony is pretty intense, um,

1427
01:23:15.640 --> 01:23:18.040
and I can, I can share it with you guys cause I don't mind,

1428
01:23:18.360 --> 01:23:22.920
but I think cause we're learning not to share too much deep personal things

1429
01:23:22.920 --> 01:23:27.200
right away that I almost don't want to share it because it's very like, whoa,

1430
01:23:27.240 --> 01:23:30.480
like it was a very radical way of me being saved.

1431
01:23:30.920 --> 01:23:35.920
So how I got saved was I was drugged and raped and I went to a hospital.

1432
01:23:36.320 --> 01:23:41.120
The next day I started heavily manifesting like demons and that's basically how

1433
01:23:41.120 --> 01:23:41.960
I came to the Lord.

1434
01:23:42.320 --> 01:23:47.320
So for me I'm not ashamed or I don't look at my testimony as anything bad.

1435
01:23:48.120 --> 01:23:49.040
I think it's powerful,

1436
01:23:49.320 --> 01:23:53.840
but I think sharing something like that with someone that I don't know or I'm

1437
01:23:53.840 --> 01:23:58.360
just getting to know can be like a lot, you know, really soon.

1438
01:23:58.360 --> 01:24:03.360
So I'm trying to figure out a way of how or when,

1439
01:24:05.080 --> 01:24:08.280
when that day comes. Cause people do ask me and I'm like, Oh,

1440
01:24:08.280 --> 01:24:11.200
I went through a traumatic event and that's how I got saved.

1441
01:24:11.240 --> 01:24:13.520
But then they want like more information.

1442
01:24:13.520 --> 01:24:16.920
I'm not ready to share that quite yet.

1443
01:24:17.600 --> 01:24:18.960
Yeah, I totally agree.

1444
01:24:19.200 --> 01:24:23.760
I agree with you and I agree with your wisdom and some of the comments are

1445
01:24:23.760 --> 01:24:27.920
saying thank you for trusting us with your testimony. Yeah.

1446
01:24:29.760 --> 01:24:33.720
But I do agree with you and I think that you can say what you just said,

1447
01:24:34.400 --> 01:24:39.400
like is a radical test is radical and you can save it.

1448
01:24:40.360 --> 01:24:43.680
But because it is so personal to me, I'm not really,

1449
01:24:43.800 --> 01:24:45.280
I'm not prepared to share it with you,

1450
01:24:45.280 --> 01:24:48.480
but I hope that we get to grow each other in a way that grow to get to know

1451
01:24:48.480 --> 01:24:50.240
each other in a way that I can share it one day.

1452
01:24:50.880 --> 01:24:52.040
Yeah. Okay.

1453
01:24:52.400 --> 01:24:56.840
And another question is to piggyback off of that is I know when you're getting

1454
01:24:56.840 --> 01:24:59.360
to know someone, you do share things like.

1455
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.840
eventually personal things about ourselves. And my concern is

1456
01:25:06.240 --> 01:25:09.720
creating like an emotional soul tie with someone, just by

1457
01:25:09.720 --> 01:25:13.000
sharing personal things and like getting to know them and like

1458
01:25:13.000 --> 01:25:16.120
spending time with them on the phone or in person. Because I'm

1459
01:25:16.120 --> 01:25:19.720
very, like guard your heart, because everything you do flows

1460
01:25:19.720 --> 01:25:23.840
from it. And so I'm trying to navigate, like obviously getting

1461
01:25:23.840 --> 01:25:27.480
to know someone and not being afraid to be myself, which I'm

1462
01:25:27.480 --> 01:25:32.920
not, but also being mindful of what's because I've been trying

1463
01:25:32.920 --> 01:25:37.640
to ask God this, like, what's, where, what's the point? And

1464
01:25:37.640 --> 01:25:42.080
when it can become, like, developing a soul type, because

1465
01:25:42.080 --> 01:25:45.280
let's just say, hypothetically, we're just going to be friends.

1466
01:25:45.320 --> 01:25:48.920
And you know, that's it. I won't know until it happens, right. But

1467
01:25:48.920 --> 01:25:52.920
then I have to go through the process of like, okay, I have to

1468
01:25:52.920 --> 01:25:56.160
sever soul ties and maybe not talk to you anymore. So I'm

1469
01:25:56.160 --> 01:25:58.040
trying to navigate that as well.

1470
01:25:59.400 --> 01:26:07.760
Right, I think that, um, I believe that. I believe that

1471
01:26:07.760 --> 01:26:11.320
when we operate under the wisdom that we don't know a person, and

1472
01:26:11.320 --> 01:26:15.600
that we're getting to know them, that changes your likelihood of

1473
01:26:15.600 --> 01:26:19.400
developing a soul tie. Because you understand you have a

1474
01:26:19.400 --> 01:26:23.160
perspective that I don't know this person. I don't trust them

1475
01:26:23.160 --> 01:26:27.560
with the jewels or treasures of my heart. Right? I don't know

1476
01:26:27.600 --> 01:26:30.360
how they steward their own hearts. I'm certainly not going

1477
01:26:30.360 --> 01:26:34.080
to give them access to mine. I will give them access to getting

1478
01:26:34.080 --> 01:26:38.760
to know me. But it doesn't mean they get access to places that

1479
01:26:38.800 --> 01:26:42.720
other trusted people have access to, because those ties are not

1480
01:26:42.720 --> 01:26:45.400
going to be developed until you give them space into inner

1481
01:26:45.400 --> 01:26:49.840
places that they should not be. And so if you have trouble with

1482
01:26:49.840 --> 01:26:55.080
recognizing your inner spaces, that's where the issue is. Not

1483
01:26:55.080 --> 01:26:57.880
you're going to somehow haphazardly develop a soul tie.

1484
01:26:58.120 --> 01:27:01.160
You're developing a soul tie when people get access to your

1485
01:27:01.160 --> 01:27:04.040
soul, to the inner spaces, the workings.

1486
01:27:05.160 --> 01:27:12.280
I guess I was thinking, I guess that makes sense. Right? I was

1487
01:27:12.280 --> 01:27:17.480
thinking, oh, to know me, and my personality and like where my

1488
01:27:17.480 --> 01:27:21.280
heart is, like what I value or what I'm passionate about. I

1489
01:27:21.280 --> 01:27:24.680
was, I guess, maybe assuming that that could potentially

1490
01:27:24.680 --> 01:27:25.920
create a soul tie.

1491
01:27:27.480 --> 01:27:31.080
Yeah, I don't think so. Because the person knowing you doesn't

1492
01:27:31.080 --> 01:27:34.680
give them the same access. Just like, Jasmine, there may be some

1493
01:27:34.680 --> 01:27:37.600
people in your life that are very close to you. I don't have

1494
01:27:37.600 --> 01:27:42.560
access that they have to you. They have, you know, I usually

1495
01:27:42.560 --> 01:27:45.640
draw a circle for people. We've done this before. And I put

1496
01:27:45.640 --> 01:27:47.720
people like who's on the outside of the circle, the

1497
01:27:47.720 --> 01:27:51.080
middle circle is the core of you. So as you come closer to

1498
01:27:51.080 --> 01:27:54.520
the core of you, there should be fewer and fewer people who have

1499
01:27:54.560 --> 01:27:59.080
access to that part of you. Why? Because those are the most

1500
01:27:59.080 --> 01:28:05.840
sacred places of your heart. Even when you are married, you

1501
01:28:05.880 --> 01:28:09.840
will be mindful how you give out the sacred places of your heart

1502
01:28:09.840 --> 01:28:13.120
to your spouse, because you don't even know if they can

1503
01:28:13.120 --> 01:28:15.640
steward those places. This has nothing to do with you loving

1504
01:28:15.640 --> 01:28:19.000
them. It has nothing to do with marriage, but it's understanding

1505
01:28:19.120 --> 01:28:24.560
what can a person steward. You know, everybody doesn't get

1506
01:28:24.600 --> 01:28:27.600
access to every single thing. There's some things that you're

1507
01:28:27.600 --> 01:28:31.640
going to have that is just you and God. Yeah, even in marriage.

1508
01:28:32.240 --> 01:28:35.040
There are things that you and just you and the father have.

1509
01:28:35.800 --> 01:28:41.760
Not that your husband doesn't have access to your heart. But a

1510
01:28:41.760 --> 01:28:46.360
lot of wounds happen when we give what a person can't carry.

1511
01:28:47.240 --> 01:28:50.480
So you go and put this load on your husband's back and he

1512
01:28:50.480 --> 01:28:53.000
doesn't know how to carry it. Let's say maybe he didn't grow

1513
01:28:53.000 --> 01:28:58.000
up with no having emotional understanding. And you go put

1514
01:28:58.000 --> 01:29:01.440
something on him that he's not yet ready to carry. How broken

1515
01:29:01.440 --> 01:29:04.080
do you think your heart is going to be from it? Had you had

1516
01:29:04.080 --> 01:29:07.920
wisdom, you can see that he couldn't bear that. Yeah, not

1517
01:29:07.960 --> 01:29:13.040
bear secret, but carry that part and steward it. But one day as

1518
01:29:13.040 --> 01:29:17.920
he grows, he will be able to. And so we take the sacred things

1519
01:29:17.920 --> 01:29:21.160
that should only belong to the Lord, and we hand them out to

1520
01:29:21.160 --> 01:29:27.000
humans. And so that's why it's so important for us to

1521
01:29:27.000 --> 01:29:32.360
understand is, you know, to have an understanding about sacred

1522
01:29:32.360 --> 01:29:39.200
things, that wisdom about who can have access to these things.

1523
01:29:39.440 --> 01:29:41.480
There are things you'll share with a therapist that you

1524
01:29:41.480 --> 01:29:44.360
wouldn't even share. Some people share with their therapist what

1525
01:29:44.360 --> 01:29:48.720
they don't share with their spouse. Why? Because maybe their

1526
01:29:48.720 --> 01:29:51.960
spouse doesn't understand, they don't have the capacity for it.

1527
01:29:53.560 --> 01:29:57.040
But their therapist can help them navigate through something

1528
01:29:58.760 --> 01:30:00.080
right that will make their

1529
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.000
marriage better that their spouse couldn't navigate through.

1530
01:30:05.040 --> 01:30:07.480
And so, yeah, Jasmine, just keeping you,

1531
01:30:07.480 --> 01:30:10.240
once you know who has access to what,

1532
01:30:10.240 --> 01:30:12.800
it'll keep those people who don't supposed to have access

1533
01:30:12.800 --> 01:30:15.920
to sacred parts of you out and there won't be a soul time.

1534
01:30:16.960 --> 01:30:20.080
I feel like this is a reminder of patience

1535
01:30:20.080 --> 01:30:25.080
and what you just explained to me is not being dependent,

1536
01:30:25.960 --> 01:30:27.680
like putting everything on that one person,

1537
01:30:27.680 --> 01:30:29.360
like including your husband, right?

1538
01:30:29.360 --> 01:30:32.880
When you get married, because at the end of the day,

1539
01:30:32.880 --> 01:30:34.200
it's God that we depend on

1540
01:30:34.200 --> 01:30:37.640
and he's our provider for everything and we can't,

1541
01:30:37.640 --> 01:30:41.880
like men fail, like men, women, everyone, man fails, right?

1542
01:30:41.880 --> 01:30:43.440
And so God will never fail us.

1543
01:30:43.440 --> 01:30:46.920
And okay, I really, I appreciate this discussion.

1544
01:30:46.920 --> 01:30:47.760
Thank you so much.

1545
01:30:47.760 --> 01:30:49.520
Yeah, you're welcome.

1546
01:30:49.520 --> 01:30:52.440
And just to add, yeah, just to add,

1547
01:30:52.440 --> 01:30:55.680
and this is not about more so when you talk about marriage,

1548
01:30:55.680 --> 01:30:58.960
it's not about putting up walls against your spouse, right?

1549
01:30:59.560 --> 01:31:00.400
That's not what this is about.

1550
01:31:00.400 --> 01:31:01.240
But when you get married,

1551
01:31:01.240 --> 01:31:02.720
you'll see if you've ever been married before.

1552
01:31:02.720 --> 01:31:03.960
I mean, if I don't have been married before,

1553
01:31:03.960 --> 01:31:06.160
you know what I'm talking about.

1554
01:31:06.160 --> 01:31:08.200
Can I get a wave if you've been married before

1555
01:31:08.200 --> 01:31:09.920
and you know what I'm talking about?

1556
01:31:09.920 --> 01:31:11.480
Some things you can't tell

1557
01:31:11.480 --> 01:31:13.560
because you've never been married before.

1558
01:31:13.560 --> 01:31:16.560
You believe in your imaginative mind

1559
01:31:16.560 --> 01:31:19.080
that your spouse is gonna be your absolute best friend

1560
01:31:19.080 --> 01:31:20.400
and y'all gonna talk about everything.

1561
01:31:20.400 --> 01:31:22.360
You're gonna sit on the couch, eat popcorn

1562
01:31:22.360 --> 01:31:23.920
and he's gonna understand everything about you

1563
01:31:23.920 --> 01:31:25.720
and you're gonna understand everything about him.

1564
01:31:25.720 --> 01:31:28.000
But that means you don't know that men are from Mars

1565
01:31:28.040 --> 01:31:28.920
and women are from Venus.

1566
01:31:28.920 --> 01:31:30.320
We're two different creatures.

1567
01:31:30.320 --> 01:31:32.120
And that's why people have their friend girls

1568
01:31:32.120 --> 01:31:34.040
and your husband have men friends.

1569
01:31:34.880 --> 01:31:37.520
And you encourage each other to go hang out with him.

1570
01:31:39.720 --> 01:31:42.360
And so it's just the way it is.

1571
01:31:42.360 --> 01:31:44.360
And so you grow in all things.

1572
01:31:46.160 --> 01:31:48.360
All right, Kathleen.

1573
01:31:53.760 --> 01:31:55.920
I had three questions.

1574
01:31:55.920 --> 01:31:57.160
Okay.

1575
01:31:57.200 --> 01:32:00.040
Can you share with us a couple,

1576
01:32:00.040 --> 01:32:04.400
maybe two examples of some of the questions you ask

1577
01:32:04.400 --> 01:32:09.400
that kind of helped you get to know how men process

1578
01:32:11.680 --> 01:32:15.200
when you are dating or I guess you still are dating?

1579
01:32:17.440 --> 01:32:19.880
Okay, what's the second and third question?

1580
01:32:19.880 --> 01:32:22.240
Or do they come out of nowhere?

1581
01:32:22.240 --> 01:32:26.040
Well, how do you know if your heart work is done enough?

1582
01:32:26.920 --> 01:32:31.920
And then the last one is more specific to the community.

1583
01:32:35.160 --> 01:32:36.000
Okay.

1584
01:32:38.160 --> 01:32:40.200
Yeah, okay.

1585
01:32:40.200 --> 01:32:42.040
All right, so a couple of example questions

1586
01:32:42.040 --> 01:32:47.040
you can ask someone to get to know how they process.

1587
01:32:48.000 --> 01:32:50.360
What do you wanna know about how they process?

1588
01:32:52.360 --> 01:32:53.200
What do you mean?

1589
01:32:53.200 --> 01:32:54.560
How do they process conflict?

1590
01:32:54.560 --> 01:32:56.480
How do they process or?

1591
01:32:56.480 --> 01:32:59.160
Well, you mentioned you looked up online

1592
01:32:59.160 --> 01:33:02.840
some really great questions and you have like,

1593
01:33:02.840 --> 01:33:05.120
you have it embedded in your mind,

1594
01:33:05.120 --> 01:33:09.840
but I'm not sure because I haven't started dating yet.

1595
01:33:09.840 --> 01:33:13.760
I'm like, just building up enough to make up.

1596
01:33:13.760 --> 01:33:14.600
I got you.

1597
01:33:14.600 --> 01:33:17.720
So there's one of these recent guys I was getting to know.

1598
01:33:17.720 --> 01:33:19.160
I wanted to know,

1599
01:33:19.160 --> 01:33:21.080
I kind of felt from the way he was talking,

1600
01:33:21.080 --> 01:33:23.880
maybe he didn't have too much history and legacy.

1601
01:33:23.880 --> 01:33:25.800
And so legacy is important to me.

1602
01:33:25.800 --> 01:33:27.160
And so I asked him the question.

1603
01:33:27.160 --> 01:33:28.760
I said, so when you,

1604
01:33:29.600 --> 01:33:34.360
what do you imagine leaving to your offspring?

1605
01:33:34.360 --> 01:33:36.560
And what do you imagine after you talk about this?

1606
01:33:36.560 --> 01:33:39.040
So what do you imagine leaving to the world?

1607
01:33:39.040 --> 01:33:40.560
Like when you leave this place,

1608
01:33:40.560 --> 01:33:42.360
what do you want to be said of you?

1609
01:33:43.520 --> 01:33:45.920
And he responded.

1610
01:33:45.920 --> 01:33:48.520
And based on what I had been gathering about him,

1611
01:33:48.520 --> 01:33:51.240
I kind of figured something like that would come out.

1612
01:33:51.280 --> 01:33:54.000
And so I was like, oh, wow, thank you for sharing.

1613
01:33:54.000 --> 01:33:58.040
And then I shared what I would want to see left on the world.

1614
01:33:58.040 --> 01:33:59.920
And so generally I don't wait for a person to say,

1615
01:33:59.920 --> 01:34:00.760
and what about you?

1616
01:34:00.760 --> 01:34:03.480
No, I just thought, I'll go ahead.

1617
01:34:03.480 --> 01:34:05.160
I ain't gonna be the one that ain't asked me nothing

1618
01:34:05.160 --> 01:34:06.000
about me, nigga.

1619
01:34:06.000 --> 01:34:08.200
Ain't asked me nothing about me, come talk about me.

1620
01:34:08.200 --> 01:34:13.040
So I shared what I felt like, what did I want to leave?

1621
01:34:13.040 --> 01:34:16.160
And so that kind of leads me into when I say things like,

1622
01:34:16.160 --> 01:34:19.160
I really feel like I was made for this

1623
01:34:19.160 --> 01:34:21.840
because I'm drawn to these type of things.

1624
01:34:21.840 --> 01:34:23.800
I'm drawn to orphanages.

1625
01:34:23.800 --> 01:34:25.680
And then I'll in turn ask him,

1626
01:34:25.680 --> 01:34:28.080
is there anything you're passionate about in life?

1627
01:34:28.080 --> 01:34:29.400
Like when you were a child,

1628
01:34:29.400 --> 01:34:31.560
what did you dream you would be?

1629
01:34:31.560 --> 01:34:32.400
What did you think?

1630
01:34:32.400 --> 01:34:34.160
Did you, and they'll be like, I don't know.

1631
01:34:34.160 --> 01:34:36.440
Like, did you ever think you'd be an astronaut

1632
01:34:36.440 --> 01:34:38.240
or a scientist?

1633
01:34:38.240 --> 01:34:40.440
What did you dream of?

1634
01:34:40.440 --> 01:34:42.240
And so they'll answer that.

1635
01:34:42.240 --> 01:34:44.560
That's also when I want to get to know my dad,

1636
01:34:44.560 --> 01:34:46.600
I ask him questions like that.

1637
01:34:46.600 --> 01:34:48.280
They're not intimidating.

1638
01:34:48.280 --> 01:34:51.080
They are like wonder, right?

1639
01:34:51.080 --> 01:34:54.200
And so it's not like, let me get in your business,

1640
01:34:54.200 --> 01:34:55.680
but it's like, let me know you.

1641
01:34:55.680 --> 01:34:57.480
I'm trying to know you.

1642
01:34:57.480 --> 01:35:00.240
And people can tell when you're just wanting to know.

1643
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.400
of them, not with something attached for your safety.

1644
01:35:05.600 --> 01:35:07.800
OK, and so

1645
01:35:08.000 --> 01:35:12.440
I would ask that and I'm really good about asking,

1646
01:35:12.640 --> 01:35:15.600
so what are some things you've done in your previous life?

1647
01:35:15.800 --> 01:35:17.320
What type of work have you done?

1648
01:35:17.520 --> 01:35:18.880
What did you enjoy most?

1649
01:35:19.080 --> 01:35:21.280
Or they tell me where they work, how was work today?

1650
01:35:21.480 --> 01:35:22.960
Well, sometimes this is small talk.

1651
01:35:23.160 --> 01:35:27.000
I was like, oh, well, what do you enjoy most about your job?

1652
01:35:27.200 --> 01:35:31.480
And then they're going to say it's really how long has it been sucky?

1653
01:35:31.680 --> 01:35:35.880
They'll say, wow, have you ever considered doing something different?

1654
01:35:36.080 --> 01:35:39.080
Now, this sounds like small talk, but he's telling me about that person.

1655
01:35:39.280 --> 01:35:44.160
It tells me, do they just sit around when things are the eyes are against them?

1656
01:35:44.360 --> 01:35:46.600
Or do they say, yeah, I was thinking about this.

1657
01:35:46.600 --> 01:35:47.520
I started doing that.

1658
01:35:47.720 --> 01:35:50.560
I'd be like, wow, OK, I like the way you're thinking.

1659
01:35:50.760 --> 01:35:53.800
Right. So that type of stuff.

1660
01:35:54.000 --> 01:35:55.160
Does that help? OK.

1661
01:35:55.360 --> 01:35:57.440
All right. And then the second question is,

1662
01:35:57.640 --> 01:36:00.160
how do you know you've done enough with the hard work?

1663
01:36:00.360 --> 01:36:03.440
So I don't believe completely that there's

1664
01:36:03.640 --> 01:36:06.160
a such thing as done enough with the hard work.

1665
01:36:06.360 --> 01:36:08.600
I believe that whatever age we are,

1666
01:36:08.800 --> 01:36:13.920
what we've learned up until this point has shaped and cultivated who we are.

1667
01:36:14.120 --> 01:36:16.520
And I believe that there's grace for us

1668
01:36:16.720 --> 01:36:22.120
to take on a new identity and to see ourselves newly and rightly.

1669
01:36:22.320 --> 01:36:26.160
And that as we go through life relationships, you know, Jackie says,

1670
01:36:26.160 --> 01:36:28.600
if you're broken in community, you're healed in community.

1671
01:36:28.800 --> 01:36:31.600
If you're broken in relationship, you're healed in relationship.

1672
01:36:31.800 --> 01:36:35.240
The same thing that broke you, the Lord uses it to heal you.

1673
01:36:35.440 --> 01:36:37.600
And so opportunities are going to come

1674
01:36:37.800 --> 01:36:41.600
like dating that helps bring that sharpening in the healing,

1675
01:36:41.800 --> 01:36:43.600
the restoration back to your life.

1676
01:36:43.800 --> 01:36:48.000
And so I don't believe that there should be a time where you keep waiting before you

1677
01:36:48.000 --> 01:36:52.120
start dating if you're in this space, unless you have some things that are very

1678
01:36:52.320 --> 01:36:57.200
specific to you that would be of a great hindrance to you.

1679
01:36:57.400 --> 01:37:01.320
Like if you share those things and I'm like, hey, let's let's clean that up.

1680
01:37:01.320 --> 01:37:04.320
Or if you say, well, when I'm with a man, I can't help myself.

1681
01:37:04.320 --> 01:37:06.800
I'm just going to have sex and I can't do anything about it.

1682
01:37:07.000 --> 01:37:09.520
I don't want to be this person, but I can't get along with me.

1683
01:37:09.720 --> 01:37:12.520
If you tell me that, I'm going to say, hey, let's not get along with the man.

1684
01:37:12.720 --> 01:37:16.160
Let's get to the root of why you operate that way.

1685
01:37:16.360 --> 01:37:19.360
I was the queen of make out.

1686
01:37:19.560 --> 01:37:22.160
I was going to make out with me a man now,

1687
01:37:22.360 --> 01:37:28.880
but it was deeply tied to being molested and believing for all those years that what

1688
01:37:29.080 --> 01:37:31.120
a man wanted from a woman was sexual.

1689
01:37:31.320 --> 01:37:34.000
So I was programmed that way from the age of seven.

1690
01:37:34.200 --> 01:37:37.960
And so this was always tied, no matter how much I knew Jesus and loved Jesus,

1691
01:37:38.160 --> 01:37:42.800
that part of me was still very active, that behavior.

1692
01:37:43.040 --> 01:37:47.600
And so dating revealed it, because as long as I wasn't dating,

1693
01:37:47.800 --> 01:37:50.440
it was just me and Jesus.

1694
01:37:50.920 --> 01:37:53.600
And so then, you know, you can say all kinds of stuff, being like,

1695
01:37:53.600 --> 01:37:56.040
yeah, you know, you should be doing it, you should be doing it.

1696
01:37:56.040 --> 01:37:57.720
You ain't got no temptation in front of you.

1697
01:37:57.920 --> 01:38:02.320
We don't know what you might do when you get in that dog car with you and that man.

1698
01:38:02.520 --> 01:38:04.200
I don't know what you might do.

1699
01:38:04.400 --> 01:38:06.160
You don't know what you might do, right?

1700
01:38:06.360 --> 01:38:08.800
You ain't got no, you ain't got to worry about it.

1701
01:38:09.000 --> 01:38:14.200
But that was a real part of me that the Lord had to get to the root of.

1702
01:38:14.400 --> 01:38:17.520
He used dating to help get that out of me,

1703
01:38:17.720 --> 01:38:22.400
to let me see that this is an issue and I want to heal you.

1704
01:38:22.600 --> 01:38:24.560
And he did just that.

1705
01:38:24.760 --> 01:38:26.320
And so

1706
01:38:26.640 --> 01:38:31.040
dating helped me to get into trauma therapy that changed my life.

1707
01:38:31.240 --> 01:38:33.720
And I still have a trauma therapist to this day.

1708
01:38:33.920 --> 01:38:36.160
And this is what, four or five years now.

1709
01:38:36.360 --> 01:38:39.240
But it was dating that uncovered that for me,

1710
01:38:39.440 --> 01:38:43.160
that there's an issue where you're looking at a righteous woman who serves

1711
01:38:43.360 --> 01:38:46.800
in the kingdom of God, who is a leader that has an issue.

1712
01:38:47.000 --> 01:38:51.080
This is an issue. This is a problem, a real problem.

1713
01:38:51.280 --> 01:38:54.600
And so, you know, to God be the glory, dating exposed that for me.

1714
01:38:54.800 --> 01:38:57.680
So I don't think that there's ever a done enough.

1715
01:38:57.880 --> 01:38:59.960
I think that everything around us is

1716
01:39:00.160 --> 01:39:04.280
helping us grow and the Lord uses the things around us to help us grow.

1717
01:39:04.480 --> 01:39:06.200
And that's why you have to give yourself

1718
01:39:06.400 --> 01:39:09.640
so much grace, because you're worthy of grace.

1719
01:39:09.840 --> 01:39:13.440
And what was the last thing about the way the program works?

1720
01:39:13.640 --> 01:39:15.040
Well,

1721
01:39:15.320 --> 01:39:18.200
I think it was a couple of weeks ago.

1722
01:39:18.400 --> 01:39:23.920
Jackie said, hey, there's this person I'd love to introduce you all.

1723
01:39:24.120 --> 01:39:31.640
She just started to describe a male that she's looking to.

1724
01:39:32.640 --> 01:39:34.520
I'm not Peter.

1725
01:39:34.720 --> 01:39:37.120
The man with the

1726
01:39:37.880 --> 01:39:39.280
children, foster children.

1727
01:39:39.480 --> 01:39:41.160
Yeah, yes, yes.

1728
01:39:41.360 --> 01:39:45.720
And so if that was something that we wanted to follow up with, how would we do that?

1729
01:39:45.920 --> 01:39:50.800
Send an email to Admin.

1730
01:39:51.000 --> 01:39:53.600
Put your name is going to be on the email,

1731
01:39:53.800 --> 01:39:57.760
but you can just still say in the body of it, this is Kathleen.

1732
01:39:57.960 --> 01:40:00.000
Jackie mentioned about, it's a name.

1733
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:02.680
Peter, I think she said, I can't remember.

1734
01:40:02.680 --> 01:40:04.040
But anyway, just put on there,

1735
01:40:04.040 --> 01:40:07.140
the guy that loves foster children.

1736
01:40:08.360 --> 01:40:11.360
I'm interested, I would like to meet him

1737
01:40:11.360 --> 01:40:12.600
and get to know him.

1738
01:40:12.600 --> 01:40:15.520
So, however you wanna say that, you say it

1739
01:40:15.520 --> 01:40:18.120
and send it to at me and they'll take it from there.

1740
01:40:19.440 --> 01:40:23.000
Yep, go for it, go for it, go for it.

1741
01:40:23.000 --> 01:40:24.000
All right, Tiffany.

1742
01:40:25.000 --> 01:40:29.720
Okay, I've just got one question.

1743
01:40:29.720 --> 01:40:32.920
So, part of my testimony is that

1744
01:40:32.920 --> 01:40:35.240
I've been married three times.

1745
01:40:35.240 --> 01:40:39.920
That is also the one part of talking about me

1746
01:40:39.920 --> 01:40:44.920
that I do not want to have to divulge.

1747
01:40:46.160 --> 01:40:48.800
And so, because I mean, you know,

1748
01:40:48.800 --> 01:40:51.840
like the absolute judgment of that

1749
01:40:51.960 --> 01:40:54.400
and the Lord has really helped me,

1750
01:40:54.400 --> 01:40:57.320
like even be able to say it here without tears

1751
01:40:57.320 --> 01:40:58.840
is a huge thing.

1752
01:40:59.800 --> 01:41:04.520
But to see that in someone's face, ugh.

1753
01:41:04.520 --> 01:41:08.360
So, and I've already like played it in my head.

1754
01:41:08.360 --> 01:41:10.040
Have you been married before?

1755
01:41:10.040 --> 01:41:10.880
Yeah.

1756
01:41:13.320 --> 01:41:16.240
You have really played it, you did so good.

1757
01:41:16.240 --> 01:41:19.240
In your mind thinking, don't ask me how many times.

1758
01:41:19.240 --> 01:41:21.080
You look at me like, yeah.

1759
01:41:21.160 --> 01:41:26.160
Yes, because I feel like most people would not say,

1760
01:41:27.520 --> 01:41:29.040
has it been more than once?

1761
01:41:29.040 --> 01:41:30.600
Like, I wouldn't dare ask that.

1762
01:41:30.600 --> 01:41:32.800
I might ask, have you been married more than once?

1763
01:41:32.800 --> 01:41:35.080
And I would leave that alone.

1764
01:41:35.080 --> 01:41:38.040
But I don't want to have to also have that conversation.

1765
01:41:38.040 --> 01:41:41.960
Hey, you know what I said I have?

1766
01:41:41.960 --> 01:41:45.320
It's been like, yeah, three.

1767
01:41:45.320 --> 01:41:47.720
Go ahead and make the faces, it's all right.

1768
01:41:47.720 --> 01:41:51.280
Like, how do I even approach this?

1769
01:41:51.280 --> 01:41:54.040
Listen, you telling the truth,

1770
01:41:54.040 --> 01:41:56.560
because it's no, that's a real thing.

1771
01:41:56.560 --> 01:41:59.680
And so what I suggest, what my encouragement would be,

1772
01:41:59.680 --> 01:42:00.760
Tiffany, when somebody asks you,

1773
01:42:00.760 --> 01:42:03.040
have you been married before, say yes.

1774
01:42:03.040 --> 01:42:04.200
That's it.

1775
01:42:04.200 --> 01:42:06.560
Men generally won't ask you how many times.

1776
01:42:06.560 --> 01:42:07.840
You may ask somebody many times

1777
01:42:07.840 --> 01:42:08.800
because you know it's possible

1778
01:42:08.800 --> 01:42:10.960
that somebody could be married more than one time.

1779
01:42:10.960 --> 01:42:13.120
But if they say, oh, how long was it?

1780
01:42:14.400 --> 01:42:15.440
Which one?

1781
01:42:16.440 --> 01:42:20.480
You can, how long was the last one?

1782
01:42:20.480 --> 01:42:23.560
Whichever one's the longest one, pick that one.

1783
01:42:23.560 --> 01:42:26.120
They were, the weirdest thing,

1784
01:42:26.120 --> 01:42:28.960
they were all about seven years.

1785
01:42:28.960 --> 01:42:30.000
Okay.

1786
01:42:30.000 --> 01:42:32.560
In between six and a half and seven years.

1787
01:42:32.560 --> 01:42:34.280
So like, that's a whole thing too.

1788
01:42:34.280 --> 01:42:37.760
Like, God, you're going to have to help me at that mark.

1789
01:42:37.760 --> 01:42:39.160
Yeah, right.

1790
01:42:39.160 --> 01:42:40.760
So, yep, yep, yep.

1791
01:42:40.760 --> 01:42:42.160
That's true.

1792
01:42:42.160 --> 01:42:44.320
It's going to, the pattern is going to come back around

1793
01:42:44.320 --> 01:42:46.320
and you're going to defeat it this time.

1794
01:42:47.240 --> 01:42:48.080
That's right.

1795
01:42:49.120 --> 01:42:50.440
Yeah.

1796
01:42:50.440 --> 01:42:52.200
This time is going to be different.

1797
01:42:53.560 --> 01:42:54.400
Yeah.

1798
01:42:54.400 --> 01:42:55.240
Okay.

1799
01:42:55.240 --> 01:42:59.160
So, I believe that God redeems and restores

1800
01:42:59.160 --> 01:43:01.120
and it's no matter how many times it happens,

1801
01:43:01.120 --> 01:43:04.000
I do believe that this time is going to be different.

1802
01:43:04.000 --> 01:43:06.040
And then you're going to see to it that it's different

1803
01:43:06.040 --> 01:43:08.000
because you're going to fight that thing

1804
01:43:08.000 --> 01:43:09.480
and you're going to wrestle it to the ground

1805
01:43:09.480 --> 01:43:11.120
and you're going to put it in the grave

1806
01:43:11.120 --> 01:43:12.440
and it will not defeat you.

1807
01:43:12.440 --> 01:43:15.760
And when year 14 comes, you're going to stop it again

1808
01:43:15.760 --> 01:43:17.480
because it's going to come back to your door

1809
01:43:17.480 --> 01:43:22.360
until it gets tired of getting its butt kicked.

1810
01:43:22.360 --> 01:43:23.200
Okay.

1811
01:43:23.200 --> 01:43:26.000
So, no, usually just,

1812
01:43:26.000 --> 01:43:29.720
I just encourage you to say yes and say seven years.

1813
01:43:29.720 --> 01:43:31.800
And when you guys get a chance that they ask you more about it

1814
01:43:31.800 --> 01:43:34.000
say, I'd rather not talk about that right now

1815
01:43:34.000 --> 01:43:35.360
because it's private.

1816
01:43:35.360 --> 01:43:37.320
Let's continue getting to know each other.

1817
01:43:37.320 --> 01:43:39.960
And then, so you're going to see probably like the month

1818
01:43:39.960 --> 01:43:41.000
or a month and a half,

1819
01:43:41.000 --> 01:43:42.200
they're going to really start liking you.

1820
01:43:42.200 --> 01:43:44.520
You guys are going to start asking each other more questions

1821
01:43:44.520 --> 01:43:46.120
and then you're going to have to reveal that.

1822
01:43:46.120 --> 01:43:47.200
And that's okay.

1823
01:43:47.200 --> 01:43:48.720
Because you being married three times

1824
01:43:48.720 --> 01:43:51.440
does not tell me who you are.

1825
01:43:51.440 --> 01:43:53.680
It just tells me decisions that you made.

1826
01:43:57.640 --> 01:44:00.400
And a person is either going to go with it or they're not.

1827
01:44:00.400 --> 01:44:02.120
And that's just the truth of the matter.

1828
01:44:02.120 --> 01:44:04.520
And if they don't, that's okay too.

1829
01:44:04.520 --> 01:44:09.520
If that's too much for them, good.

1830
01:44:11.800 --> 01:44:13.160
They should say, ouch.

1831
01:44:15.960 --> 01:44:18.400
If they can't bear that, you need to know that.

1832
01:44:19.320 --> 01:44:22.040
And it is honorable for them to say like,

1833
01:44:22.040 --> 01:44:24.040
oh no, it's too much for me.

1834
01:44:24.040 --> 01:44:25.880
Just like if somebody told you something

1835
01:44:25.880 --> 01:44:27.600
that was too much for you,

1836
01:44:27.600 --> 01:44:30.560
you should say, that's too much for me.

1837
01:44:30.560 --> 01:44:32.120
That's the right you have.

1838
01:44:33.120 --> 01:44:35.520
And you don't have to do something

1839
01:44:35.520 --> 01:44:38.160
because you want somebody to do something for you, Tiffany.

1840
01:44:38.160 --> 01:44:40.720
You get to say, no, that doesn't work for me.

1841
01:44:42.160 --> 01:44:43.680
And the more you start to say

1842
01:44:43.680 --> 01:44:44.800
something doesn't work for you,

1843
01:44:44.800 --> 01:44:46.480
the more you free other people up

1844
01:44:46.480 --> 01:44:48.400
to say something doesn't work for you.

1845
01:44:52.040 --> 01:44:53.240
Thank you.

1846
01:44:53.240 --> 01:44:54.080
You're welcome.

1847
01:44:55.800 --> 01:44:56.880
Mandy.

1848
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:06.360
Okay, my phone's about to die. So if I just like, turn off,

1849
01:45:06.360 --> 01:45:10.440
that's what happened. Okay. Okay, I just wanted to fill you

1850
01:45:10.440 --> 01:45:13.080
in. This is the first time this has ever happened to me on a

1851
01:45:13.080 --> 01:45:19.440
date. So I went on my little, there's my 10% battery warning.

1852
01:45:19.480 --> 01:45:25.840
Anyway, I went on this date, and I shared about it on the wall

1853
01:45:25.840 --> 01:45:31.360
posted about it. And, um, at the end of the day, everything

1854
01:45:31.360 --> 01:45:34.680
was fine. I mean, he honestly was not my type at all. But I

1855
01:45:34.680 --> 01:45:38.120
was trying to like, just not I was I'm trying to avoid my type

1856
01:45:38.120 --> 01:45:44.320
because my type's not good. So I'm like, Okay, let's go outside

1857
01:45:44.320 --> 01:45:49.400
the box. Anyway, so, um, he asked, he was like, I probably

1858
01:45:49.400 --> 01:45:55.120
shouldn't ask this question. But I was like, Go ahead. Like, I'm

1859
01:45:55.120 --> 01:46:00.600
open book, ask me anything, you know. And then he said, Well,

1860
01:46:00.880 --> 01:46:05.160
hypothetically speaking, if we were to like, continue dating,

1861
01:46:05.600 --> 01:46:11.640
and like, down the road, like, where would your kids go? And I

1862
01:46:11.640 --> 01:46:15.760
was like, what? Like, when they turn 18? Like, what are you

1863
01:46:15.800 --> 01:46:18.480
what are you talking about? He was like, I mean, would they

1864
01:46:18.480 --> 01:46:22.400
live with us? Like if we got married, and I was like, bro,

1865
01:46:23.240 --> 01:46:27.520
like, my mom heart broke. And I was like, you knew I was a

1866
01:46:27.520 --> 01:46:32.320
single mom before you ever asked me. This man drove from Atlanta

1867
01:46:33.240 --> 01:46:38.040
to take me to dinner, five minutes away from my house. And

1868
01:46:38.040 --> 01:46:42.160
I'm like, I don't know. So that was like really hard. I did not

1869
01:46:42.160 --> 01:46:45.240
I didn't cry. I didn't feel anything, whatever. I obviously

1870
01:46:45.640 --> 01:46:48.440
he's Indian. I honestly hate Indian food. It wasn't gonna

1871
01:46:48.440 --> 01:46:54.400
work out anyway. But, but I really was going outside my

1872
01:46:54.400 --> 01:46:57.320
comfort zone with this one. And I just was like, he seems like a

1873
01:46:57.320 --> 01:47:01.400
nice guy. We FaceTimed, you know, all the things. Anyway,

1874
01:47:01.440 --> 01:47:05.880
that comment was like, so sad. And I'm just like, it left me

1875
01:47:05.880 --> 01:47:09.240
being because he was like, just let me know when you're ready to

1876
01:47:09.240 --> 01:47:13.320
leave. And we'll pray when we end or something. And I was

1877
01:47:13.320 --> 01:47:14.040
like, okay.

1878
01:47:15.040 --> 01:47:18.160
Did you ask him? Why did he ask you where your children would

1879
01:47:18.400 --> 01:47:18.400


1880
01:47:18.440 --> 01:47:21.920
Yeah, I said, Is this like a cultural thing for you? Like,

1881
01:47:21.920 --> 01:47:27.440
I'm like, they're my children. Like, I have full custody of my

1882
01:47:27.440 --> 01:47:33.120
two children. They stay with me. Um, I can't really remember. He

1883
01:47:33.120 --> 01:47:36.080
was like, Oh, okay. I was just wondering. He was like, No, it's

1884
01:47:36.080 --> 01:47:39.240
not culture. Well, sometimes the kids go with the

1885
01:47:39.240 --> 01:47:42.960
grandparents. And I was like, my grandpa, my parents are very not

1886
01:47:42.960 --> 01:47:46.760
involved. Like, they'll let me leave the house if I put them to

1887
01:47:46.760 --> 01:47:49.880
bed. And like, they're asleep. Like, they don't got to watch

1888
01:47:49.880 --> 01:47:56.320
them. And then maybe I can go do something. Anyway. Um, yeah. So

1889
01:47:56.320 --> 01:47:58.680
anyway, I just wanted to fill you in with that. But I was

1890
01:47:58.680 --> 01:48:03.040
like, Okay, um, let's pray because I'm ready to go. And he

1891
01:48:03.040 --> 01:48:07.680
was like, Oh, you are. And I was like, so I didn't hear I just

1892
01:48:07.680 --> 01:48:11.800
let it be. He didn't respond the whole next day. And then I

1893
01:48:11.800 --> 01:48:14.920
messaged him, like the second day. And I was like, I'm pretty

1894
01:48:14.920 --> 01:48:18.000
sure we're on the same page when I can say like, it's not

1895
01:48:18.000 --> 01:48:21.040
like a good fit for us to be together. But I pray that you,

1896
01:48:21.280 --> 01:48:23.720
you know, find what you're looking for and all the things

1897
01:48:23.720 --> 01:48:27.680
and just kind of ended it. But that was that was interesting.

1898
01:48:27.680 --> 01:48:30.840
But I'm I was very upfront with being a single parent with two

1899
01:48:30.840 --> 01:48:36.920
kids, like on my profile. Um, so yeah, it was enough for me to be

1900
01:48:36.920 --> 01:48:43.320
like, profile dating apps suck still. So anyway,

1901
01:48:44.000 --> 01:48:47.360
that was a him thing. That's strange to me. I know.

1902
01:48:48.840 --> 01:48:52.160
dated someone within his culture. That's not a single

1903
01:48:52.160 --> 01:48:55.760
parent thing. That's not a somebody's rejecting you because

1904
01:48:55.760 --> 01:49:00.600
you have children. That's what Yeah, this culture. That's

1905
01:49:00.640 --> 01:49:05.720
strange. Like why even waste your time? Like, that's almost a

1906
01:49:05.720 --> 01:49:10.040
seven hour drive in one day. And you pay for dinner. Have you

1907
01:49:10.080 --> 01:49:13.720
talked about your kids with him before? Yes, he asked me about

1908
01:49:13.720 --> 01:49:15.760
him all the time. That's why I didn't understand what was

1909
01:49:15.760 --> 01:49:21.000
going on. Oh, it was weird. I know. But listen, this is this

1910
01:49:21.000 --> 01:49:24.120
is why I'm like something when you're like, Oh, it's it's not

1911
01:49:24.120 --> 01:49:26.840
you that attracts these weirdos. I'm like, I don't know. I'm

1912
01:49:26.840 --> 01:49:28.320
starting to think otherwise. So

1913
01:49:29.320 --> 01:49:32.560
here ain't nothing like naming somebody and sending it back. The

1914
01:49:32.560 --> 01:49:36.680
more we get and giving back what is not best for us, the higher

1915
01:49:36.680 --> 01:49:39.640
the pool gets. I have been there and done that. And I've done

1916
01:49:39.640 --> 01:49:43.080
what I see and it does get better because you refuse to

1917
01:49:43.080 --> 01:49:46.960
take anything that was less and sometimes the Lord has to build

1918
01:49:46.960 --> 01:49:50.840
up on the inside of us that I will not take less than heaven's

1919
01:49:50.840 --> 01:49:54.240
best for me. Because you don't know but somewhere in your heart

1920
01:49:54.240 --> 01:49:58.160
lives a level of scarcity that will accept some or being for

1921
01:49:58.320 --> 01:50:00.120
and it takes time to weave that

1922
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:04.640
out of you. You got to get, got to get to a place that you've been spread thin.

1923
01:50:04.960 --> 01:50:08.760
And we still want to hear when you come back and say, no, that doesn't work for

1924
01:50:08.760 --> 01:50:13.320
me. No, I'm not going to live like that. No, I will not accept it.

1925
01:50:13.320 --> 01:50:17.680
It's when, when the pool is dry and don't know date workout and everybody turn

1926
01:50:17.680 --> 01:50:21.360
you down. And when that Peter Pan come and you still stand and say, oh no,

1927
01:50:21.400 --> 01:50:25.320
this is not heaven's best for me. Oh no, you won't talk to me that way.

1928
01:50:25.480 --> 01:50:27.400
Oh no, I don't do conversation that way.

1929
01:50:27.640 --> 01:50:30.240
That's what we're talking about. Some solid standard.

1930
01:50:32.200 --> 01:50:35.680
If it ain't nothing out here, you ain't going to be there and I'm going to

1931
01:50:35.680 --> 01:50:38.800
respect you and I'm going to you and I'm going to send you on your way and say,

1932
01:50:40.240 --> 01:50:44.800
yeah, right. I am. Oh, go ahead. No, go ahead.

1933
01:50:45.400 --> 01:50:46.040
I was just saying,

1934
01:50:46.040 --> 01:50:50.960
I'm getting really used to rejection and I really feel like the Lord's protecting

1935
01:50:50.960 --> 01:50:54.400
my heart with it. Like it's not, it's not hurting as deep.

1936
01:50:54.840 --> 01:50:58.400
I am not taking it as personal. I just kind of was like,

1937
01:50:58.760 --> 01:51:03.760
I was sad for like my kids cause I'm like the enemy tried to get in with that.

1938
01:51:04.520 --> 01:51:06.920
But yeah, so I, I really do think like,

1939
01:51:06.960 --> 01:51:09.440
I know rejection has been a thing,

1940
01:51:09.680 --> 01:51:14.680
a pattern in my life and I'm very like strict on like my values and like the

1941
01:51:14.960 --> 01:51:15.720
things I do.

1942
01:51:15.720 --> 01:51:19.840
Like I can resonate a lot with Jasmine and like the soul tie stuff because I'm

1943
01:51:19.840 --> 01:51:23.080
very cautious. Like I've been celibate for eight years. I don't care.

1944
01:51:23.080 --> 01:51:26.840
I will not kiss until my, my wedding day and things like that.

1945
01:51:26.880 --> 01:51:31.760
So I don't know. I just, this is part of the plan, part of the process.

1946
01:51:31.760 --> 01:51:35.400
But yeah. Anyway, thank you.

1947
01:51:35.440 --> 01:51:39.440
Thank you for sharing. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for sharing. I think it,

1948
01:51:39.680 --> 01:51:43.000
I think it's good. I said to the, and it's definitely time to go,

1949
01:51:43.280 --> 01:51:47.960
but I said to a friend of mine the other day, I said, for some people,

1950
01:51:48.080 --> 01:51:52.000
they don't know it when they sign up to walk with God in faith for their

1951
01:51:52.040 --> 01:51:55.040
marriage. They don't realize that they're birthing something.

1952
01:51:57.360 --> 01:52:01.000
You don't know it, but some of us are birthing something.

1953
01:52:01.280 --> 01:52:06.280
You're birthing something that has never been in your bloodline and you don't,

1954
01:52:06.320 --> 01:52:08.560
you didn't know you were signing up to birth something.

1955
01:52:09.040 --> 01:52:11.120
And so that's why it seems so challenging.

1956
01:52:11.120 --> 01:52:14.840
But you decided to partner with the Lord to birth something.

1957
01:52:15.360 --> 01:52:18.240
And so for some of us, this is a birthing season.

1958
01:52:18.440 --> 01:52:21.840
That's why you can't compare yourself to somebody else because I don't know what

1959
01:52:21.880 --> 01:52:25.600
your bloodline is. I don't know when you birth this kingdom marriage out,

1960
01:52:25.800 --> 01:52:28.040
how it's going to change it for generations to come.

1961
01:52:28.680 --> 01:52:32.520
I don't know what statement is going to make in your lineage and how you're

1962
01:52:32.520 --> 01:52:34.080
going to shift things forever.

1963
01:52:34.280 --> 01:52:38.960
When a kingdom marriage comes and takes up residence within your family

1964
01:52:38.960 --> 01:52:43.440
lineage and changes everything around. But some of us are birthing.

1965
01:52:43.640 --> 01:52:46.680
You're not only walking in birthing yourself,

1966
01:52:47.640 --> 01:52:50.360
you're going to give birth to a kingdom marriage.

1967
01:52:51.200 --> 01:52:52.480
And a lot of us ladies,

1968
01:52:52.480 --> 01:52:56.920
the heart works help to birth the version of you that you've not seen before.

1969
01:52:56.920 --> 01:53:00.280
So yes, it's strenuous and yes, it's hard and yes, it's challenging,

1970
01:53:00.280 --> 01:53:03.320
but it's even more challenging when you didn't know you signed up to give birth.

1971
01:53:04.560 --> 01:53:06.920
And so for some ladies, I'm going to be a coach and for others,

1972
01:53:06.920 --> 01:53:08.000
I'm going to be a midwife.

1973
01:53:10.000 --> 01:53:11.680
Jackie was my midwife.

1974
01:53:11.680 --> 01:53:14.800
She helped to give birth to a woman that I didn't know existed.

1975
01:53:16.680 --> 01:53:17.800
And so for some of us,

1976
01:53:17.920 --> 01:53:21.240
there's going to be levels of fortification that has to happen.

1977
01:53:22.520 --> 01:53:24.680
And it's going to take time for it to happen.

1978
01:53:26.120 --> 01:53:27.000
What it is.

1979
01:53:29.720 --> 01:53:32.920
And that's not what everybody wants to hear when they're believing for a

1980
01:53:32.920 --> 01:53:36.600
spouse, but you are God's heart. You are the one.

1981
01:53:38.520 --> 01:53:43.520
You are the one that God is after to perfect those things that concern you.

1982
01:53:44.040 --> 01:53:47.600
That's what he's doing. So rejoice. Again,

1983
01:53:47.600 --> 01:53:50.160
I say rejoice in the Lord. Always.

1984
01:53:50.360 --> 01:53:53.520
He is perfecting those things that concern you.

1985
01:53:55.640 --> 01:53:58.240
He wants to give you fullness of joy.

1986
01:53:59.440 --> 01:54:04.440
He wants to give you life and life more abundantly. You have soul in your,

1987
01:54:04.600 --> 01:54:08.560
you've made a short sale. When you just say,

1988
01:54:08.600 --> 01:54:12.720
I just want a husband. He says it's so much more.

1989
01:54:14.080 --> 01:54:17.760
So much more. There's a fullness that I'm going to bring to you.

1990
01:54:18.240 --> 01:54:21.560
He's using this process to get you there. And so welcome.

1991
01:54:23.760 --> 01:54:28.520
Welcome Joanne. We are well over time. I cannot take your question,

1992
01:54:28.560 --> 01:54:31.720
but I always like to hear from you, but we are well over time.

1993
01:54:31.800 --> 01:54:35.320
And I gotta be in the classroom in the morning. So it's not spring break.

1994
01:54:35.320 --> 01:54:39.560
So I can't hang out with y'all all night, but it was wonderful. Ladies.

1995
01:54:39.560 --> 01:54:42.680
I will post your activation on the board. Okay. Thank you.

1996
01:54:42.680 --> 01:54:46.640
Joanne for your grace. I appreciate it. And I will see you ladies next time.

1997
01:54:46.640 --> 01:54:47.480
Have a good night.

1998
01:54:53.000 --> 01:54:54.240
It was amazing.

1999
01:54:54.800 --> 01:54:56.000
Yay.

2000
01:54:58.200 --> 01:54:58.880
Good night.