Ah, the recorded time, let's go.
I hope you guys are having a good week.
I know it's at the very beginning of the week, but me being a teacher, for the last two days
when the kids come from recess, I feel so sleepy, like I'm telling you, like I be so
sleepy I could barely teach the little children, I have to pray my way through the day, I'm
concerned.
I don't know what it is, I've been tired, and so I hope that y'all are off to a really
good week.
I know that tomorrow is sundown, if you guys go by the Hebrew calendar, starts Passover,
excited about that.
Yes, I did have a good spring break last night.
I just, I don't know, like I had to make some comment, like, oh, I went to coffee, and I
didn't make it a big thing.
I wasn't trying to like, decide if he was, let me help Abby out.
Anybody else on here excited about Passover?
Anybody else?
Keep up with those things.
Okay.
Yeah.
Passover, we're excited.
I lead prayer ministry at my church, and so we are working, since we're going to all be
together for prayer tomorrow night, we're working on some prophetic acts and some things we
could do.
We're going to do some teaching on Passover and just kind of tap into that.
Thanking God for what the bondage he has brought us out of, and we want to lay some more things
at his feet to believe him for, because this is the time where we came out of Egypt.
We came out of Egypt into the wilderness, and so this is exciting time, and it's a really
exciting time because this is a really close time with the Gregorian calendar lines up with
the Hebrew calendar this year, and so sometimes it's super far out, but it's not far out this
year at all, so that's exciting.
So anyway, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay.
I hope everybody having a good day.
I'm excited about that.
Look, we want to just celebrate you ladies for staying encouraged, coming through like
champs.
Y'all are doing so well.
You got to look at what your fellow sisters have been sharing.
Everything is going so well.
You ladies are doing so good.
You're drawing encouragement from each other.
You're encouraging each other.
You're growing well.
I'm excited for you.
I'm happy for you.
We are definitely using dating for discovery, and it's working really well for you.
It is keeping your heart guarded, and that's always a good thing.
Don't forget, we do offer one-on-one coaches.
It is additional.
One-on-one coaching is additional, but we have a lot of great coaches, and I know that
you can benefit from it.
Any new members tonight?
It's your first time on the call with me.
Let me see if I see any avatar hands.
And while I'm passing through, hey, Susan and Jasmine and Jodi, and I think there's
an Abby.
Hello, hello.
And Balls, is your name?
Is it Shea?
Do you say your last name?
It's S-H-E-A.
How do you say your name?
It's Shea.
Shea.
Look at me.
Okay, Shea.
I couldn't hear you, but that's what happens when you try to teach phonics to little children,
and then you try to use phonics on everything.
Is that Shea?
I get called that all the time.
That's okay.
Okay, great, great, great.
Oh, Roseanne, it's so good to see you.
I know you're driving, and look at Susan.
She look like she's leaving a good old workout.
You looking so fine.
You gonna get you some numbers in that gym, baby.
Okay, so let's get started.
This is not about do you have any dating questions, but do you have any questions
about how the program works, anything of such sorts?
Ms. Eloise, you have a question?
Go for it.
Will you unmute and ask?
Well, a lot, because the last two months I've been without a car and all this craziness,
and so I'm way behind, and I know that it's self-discovery.
I know that, but I don't know how this works.
The program.
So have you gotten your car?
I beg your pardon?
Did you get your car?
You said you were going without a car.
Didn't we kind of pray for your car when we were praying for it?
Yeah, yeah, and so I just put it in the chat that me and my car-looking buddy, Larry,
we found me.
a 2015 Nissan Altima with 91,000 miles at a great price yes a couple little
quick tweaks that needed to happen and so they took off $500 off the price of
the car because we went to my mechanic so we had proof and all that stuff and
so I had those little tweaks done today and got new two new tires and I'm like
loving it so thank everybody for all your prayers because they worked yes
praise Jesus yeah yeah we're so happy for you yeah we just have a longevity of
your new car yeah yes and so the program basically works you're in phase two and
this phase is dating for discovery we take the skill of dating and we use it
to help discover ourselves and you find that a lot of the hard work that you
worked on before you got here gets all the kinks get kind of ironed out from
the process of dating because nothing nothing triggers us quite like male to
female relationships or putting ourself in vulnerable spaces or trying to go
against of ourselves you know go against our own bodily order when we get
excited about meeting a man or we are gonna guard up for all sorts of things
like this so you get a chance to work through things you didn't know were
there because you know when it's just you and Jesus they don't feel like this
so so that's what we do in phase two we ask that you watch one video a week and
whatever your aha moments are that you post them and just share on your
excitement Jackie's teachings are always amazing I don't care when I hear them
they just never get old for me and that's how it works these coaching
sessions are not just are not strictly for you and if you're dating that's just
not how it works these sessions are for you as a whole person and though
somebody may be talking about a date somebody else may be talking about a
sibling relationship or parental relationship or working relationship or
just something they're getting hung up on a fear that they're having we may
need to join you in prayer to pray you through something and so this coaching
is about the whole person there is a seven-day challenge at Jackie issues at
the beginning on your kick kick off video you do not have to have seven days
before you go to phase three that's just simply not true um you can spend
about four to six weeks in phase two mean you can send a email to admin and
ask them to move you over to phase three we have some people who stay much longer
than four to six weeks and then we have some people who go over and they come
back and visit us like um Mandy she comes and visits us and we're always
happy to have her and there's some other ladies who come to visit us as well and
so you always have a home here and that's basically how it goes any
questions you have you post in the app and we'll try to follow up with you and
kind of coach as much as we can from from that space does that help oh yeah
it just yeah I'm behind in my reading but you know you don't need to have
watched the video to come to coaching session I'm glad you said that we may
touch on one of the topics from a video but we're not going to be testing none
of that we just take a small little amount and dig into it based on what we
see everyone come like struggling with based on what we see most all of our so
all of us are so much alike more than we know we're so much alike and so when we
see the repeated thing in a cycle with us ladies then we'll try to teach on
that a little bit more because everybody's struggling with the same
thing basically at the same time sounds pretty good
yep sounds great great you're welcome all right so tonight let's pray Jesus I
thank you for these ladies I thank you for their kingdom marriages Oh God I
thank you that we get an opportunity here at LYS to stand in agreement with
heaven for a revival of kingdom marriages and I thank you that every one
of their marriages is included in this revival and so father God as we join
together on tonight I pray for heaven's wisdom that goes to the root of the
issue and helps to bring us to the place where you designed and called us to be
in Jesus name we pray amen all right so tonight I'm going to talk about
something that I think is very very helpful
And just so that you know, if you don't know much about me,
I guess I was in the program about four years ago,
maybe four and a half years ago now.
Phase two was one of my most favorite phases.
Of course, then Jackie was my coach.
And so that was a treat indeed.
But this phase helped me grow.
It showed me so much about myself that I do not regret.
And that's why it was most life changing for me.
It truly did help me discover myself.
It helped me discover my entitlement.
It helped me discover my lack of grace,
my lack of forgiveness,
the expectations I had set on others
to be what I wanted to be for myself.
It helped me see all of my walls, all of my guards,
and then I was set free.
And so it made me powerful
beyond anything that I could have imagined.
And I'm so grateful for this program.
I'm so grateful for all of Jackie's teaching
and I'm grateful for dating, for discovery.
It took me a while to get to hang of it.
It took me a while to get past all of my excuses.
And I did everything wrong
because I thought my way was the best way,
even though my way never worked.
And when I finally just did what Jackie said do,
I came out on the other side.
But if you say it, I've said it.
No doubt, I've said so many other things.
Some of them sounded very holy and righteous
and they didn't bring me any,
but I was convinced.
And so it changed my world and I'm excited about it.
So in this space, there's so much grace.
There's so much love.
There's so much hope.
And there's so much safety
because most of the things you say, I've already said it.
Most of the things you think, I've already thought it.
And not just you all,
every other woman that's come through the program.
There's nothing new under the sun.
We've heard it all and we're excited.
We're excited.
This is a no shame zone.
We're excited to partner with you.
So, yay.
Tonight, we're gonna be talking about something
that's kind of a little bit
from where we picked up last time.
Last week, we talked about confidence
and how insecurities and confidence,
they kind of go hand in hand.
We oftentimes assume that when you're confident,
it means you lack insecurity.
But a confident woman,
it's not that she lacks insecurity,
it's that when insecurity arises,
she deals with it and figure out what's happening.
And so tonight, we're gonna kind of just piggyback
off of that or pick up from there and move a little forward.
And so we say this all the time in this phase,
this is a dating for discovery phase.
We say it so much because I hope that it will sink in
on the inside of you
and you can release the pressure off of yourself.
Did I say it right?
Did I do it right?
You probably said it wrong.
You probably did it wrong.
That's why this is discovery.
You're discovering yourself.
You're getting some wind in your sail.
You are believing against all odds.
You are hoping for things you've not hoped for.
You're letting down your guards and your walls
and it's scary and it doesn't feel good.
And that's what this is about.
It's about discovering yourself.
And so now that all of the weight is off of you,
you can relax and have fun.
So I say it over and over and over until you get it.
Like I am here to discover me
and it doesn't have to be so scary,
which we work to get rid of your scarcity mindset.
That means sometimes it shows up when we meet one person,
we think, well, I didn't respond.
Did I blow it?
Or I really didn't, you know, did I, I should've,
maybe I should've listened a little longer.
Maybe I shouldn't have did it.
Maybe I should've did that.
We want you to see that you can't mess these things up.
If you try, God is so much smarter than us.
I don't even have a word for what he is.
It's definitely not smart.
It is much greater, but we can't mess this thing up.
This process that you're in faith with the father with
is designed with you and mine.
Everything, the husband that you get to choose from
is designed with you and mine.
The process, God has designed it with you and mine.
I believe that when we come to the father
and believe him for something,
and we say, we're going to partner
until we see this thing manifested.
I believe he goes like, oh yeah, I got all to myself.
Now let's get to work because now is the time
that you're most faithful in coming to him.
Now is the time you're more faithful in prayer.
Now is the time you're more faithful in listening
because you want something.
And because you want something,
God now has access to you in a way
he wouldn't have had access to you before.
And so it is the perfect time to.
expand you, to stretch you, to grow you, to restore you,
to redeem you, to bring you to higher levels,
to bring you to the place where you are most fitting
for a kingdom spouse of the identity and nature
in which God has designed you.
Not the place where you now reside,
but he'll bring you up, he'll allow dating
for you to discover and through this dating process
to discover yourself enough to bring you up to the place
where you so rightfully deserve to be.
And in that space is where you attract someone
most fitting for you.
And so that's why dating for discovery is so much fun
and it's such a fruitful place for you and the Lord.
So my encouragement would be not to rush through this,
so much joy awaits you, so much joy awaits you.
Don't rush through it because you won't get it back,
not because it's scary, but because once you get married,
it's gonna be settled.
And then you'll be stuck with that wonderful person
till death do you part.
That's our hopes.
We hope that you grow so well in this phase,
that you carry the tools that you've been stretched
in capacity, that when your kingdom marriage comes along,
that comes to make you more holy than happy,
you won't bail on the process.
That you will operate in the grace you learned
in this phase, that you will operate in the forgiveness
that you learned in this phase,
that you will operate in the patience
that you learned in this phase,
and that you learned in the journey with the father.
All of us is different, don't compare.
Comparison is the thief of joy
and it is the thief of your soul.
No woman here is at the same starting point.
There ain't no way you can cut it.
Nobody's at the same starting point.
And every woman requires something different
for her own spiritual DNA.
That's just the way it is.
And everybody has places they have to grow in areas
in their heart that we can't even see.
And most of the times you can't even see it.
There are deficits and there are overflows in all of us.
And so because we cannot see the things
that only the father can see,
I would encourage you not to compare yourself
to someone else because it costs you more than you know,
unless it's a good comparison.
Like if they can hold on, so can I.
If they can believe after that, then so can I.
Yep.
So dating for discovery,
and I have some really good notes.
So it looks like I'm reading.
I am because I don't want to mess them up.
So dating for discovery,
the top priority is not about fixing your daily strategies,
but it's about using the tools that you learned in hard work.
Now, if you rush through hard work,
we got just a little bit more to learn
because you still do hard work now, right?
It's just that you have a little bit more,
you've got some tools in your tool belt.
So that means if you rush through hard work now,
we'll catch you now.
You rush through it, then we'll catch you now.
And you still, you always do hard work.
You never stop.
Okay.
And what happens in our heart
determines how we show up in dating.
It's not your logical thoughts that show up in dating.
It's what you believe about yourself in your heart
that is what shows up in dating.
And so hard work is a necessity to this journey.
It will shape your dating experience,
and it will also shape how you do relationships with people,
with anybody, not just with a man.
Okay.
So you often hear Jackie say this,
what you believe you become
and what you become, you attract.
So,
sorry about that.
What you believe you become
and what you become, you attract.
So someone may say, when you hear something like that,
it makes you really nervous.
Because let's say you're online
and I'm just a joker, a clown, a Peter Pan
trying to talk to you.
And you think, what does that say about me?
Why is he wanting to talk to me?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We like to use this example, or at least I do.
God had Adam to name the animals.
And out of all the animals he named,
he did not call one of them his wife
because they were not comfortable to him.
And so even when a Peter Pan comes to you,
you must identify him properly and throw him back.
Okay.
We don't name a Peter Pan.
We didn't say the Peter Pan wasn't gonna come,
but I guarantee you,
the more quickly you're able to identify him
and throw you back,
the pool just keep getting better and better
and better and better.
All right.
So all these Peter Pans are animals.
So just because one comes,
there's no reflection to say,
I attracted him because of my deficit or my lack.
No, you're gonna see how empowered you feel
when Peter Pan comes
and you get to call him a Peter Pan.
for what he is and you're gonna say this hard work stuff is working and then you're just gonna be
esteemed even more with the great work that the father has done in you and you're gonna know for
yourself that you're gonna be in a better position to see the best suitor for you than you've ever
been before and there ladies is a place of empowerment because that shifts you from a
mind of scarcity and believing okay when he come he's coming he's coming he's gonna show up he's
gonna show up he's gonna show up he's gonna show up now this is a different testimony
i know what a good suitor looks like and that's not a good suitor see now there's a responsibility
that falls upon you because your eyes have been trained in maturity your heart has matured and
now you don't have to sit in front of the lord and say a prayer like is it him do you say it's him
what you think is it him he said he loved god god did you pick him is it him is it him is it him
but you have been empowered with wisdom because the bible says that we are to desire wisdom
it says also in all of your getting getting understanding it's the principle thing
and so you're going to be able to be empowered and that's what the father wants for you
he wants you to be able to identify a good suitor not saying that you don't want his approval of
course you do you can't see somebody where they're going to be like five years from now
10 years from now 15 years from now 20 years from now right only the father could do that and so
let's okay so if you have a negative thought and we can probably attest to this let's say you have
one negative thought about yourself a negative thought about dating a negative thought about
men a negative thought about women a negative thought about people on your job this one
negative thought doesn't just remain a negative thought at some point if you ruminate on that
thing enough there's a scripture that says whatever you behold you become right and so
the scripture actually says we behold until we become oh all right and so this is the same thing
that can happen to us in dating or when we're talking with uh ladies right and so we'll behold
the thing so if we take in this negative thought and it goes unaddressed um then what happens is
it will quietly shape our identity so let's take something that's that could just be or you thought
you look at me like oh my face looks so puffy it probably could be perfect that's how i've been like
every day after i say my face looks so perfect i'll promise you it's like my face getting bigger
and shinier by the day it don't just go down it's just like god oh i better not eat no more chips
oh man oh my stomach is bloated and the more i had the it don't take one of those thoughts without
me dealing with it i don't know if anybody can attest to this but if you can you need to give
me a look up right now and wave your hand like i'm with you well the other come on thank you
i told my sister i was like oh i just oh i'm getting so puffy she said it looks like to me
like you're losing weight i said it does i'm telling you every day after that i look in the
mirror i'm like i am losing weight now i got enough sense to know something's not right about that
how did i go from criticizing my body for an entire week let's let her have added her amen
to my criticism about my body and i would have criticized my body even more but she said it was
like i was losing weight and i look at me i said i said you know this is a tester for me if i picked
up some weight they literally hang up i said i think i am losing weight just a simple thought
like that or have you ever thought on a job and you thought to yourself oh it seems like they have
an attitude with me or it seems like they don't like me that much i could just tell the way they
talk to other people but they don't really talk to me like that every time you see that person it
seems like everything they do points to that one lie you believe or but let's just say one day they
start talking to you and they say they like you you'll be like you like me all this time you've
been thinking those things and so that's what i'm talking about that one negative thought can build
up something on the inside of you and what'll happen you're at the job what'll happen you'll
start up and you'll be like well i guess i ain't gonna speak to them they'll never speak to me
anyway i don't even really think i'm just gonna stay out of their way right so you stop being you
you stop showing up as you being the joyful cheerful person you are because whatever you
decided that they think about you you've allowed that to determine how you're going to show up
so i'm just picking simple things but this happens in every part of our life and so um
We have to take these negative thoughts, hold them captive.
That's what the scripture says.
Take every thought and hold it captive
and put it under the order of Christ Jesus.
We have to deal with those thoughts very quickly.
Now, when you're on a dating site,
it's gonna be a lot of reasons to have negative thoughts.
And not to say that some of the things
that you are calling out is not true.
I'm not asking you to live in la-la land.
Are there scammers?
Yes.
But what we don't want you to do
is take the negative and form an opinion about you.
Oh, these kind of men just wanna talk to me, I guess,
because I look this way.
Oh, I guess they pick me because I look easy.
It must be something about me.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
It's not that these things that are happening
did not happen.
It's just that when those negative things
are used to form an opinion about you,
then we have an issue at hand.
And so we don't want these things
to quietly shape your identity.
So let's normalize and bring a little awareness.
Spend a moment and think about the most recent time
you had a negative feeling around dating.
Let's narrow it down to dating.
You had a negative opinion around dating.
And I want you to put it in the chat.
Now, this is a very judge-free zone.
Just, I believe you feel that, but I just wanna say it.
I'm too old.
Last Saturday night, what was the negative feeling?
Tell us what the negative feeling was or is
that you have around dating.
And when we're just starting out,
it can be something as simple as,
I'm not gonna put my face on that dating site
so people can look at me and judge me.
What are they judging?
What are they gonna judge?
I mean, what are they really gonna say, right?
So like, let's put all, okay.
And I want you ladies to look as you all put those things in
because you're gonna see that you probably resonate
with a lot of, you type that quick.
I'm about to say your name wrong.
I wanna say Sheila.
It ain't Sheila, it's Shay.
I feel like I need y'all to talk to this.
God, it goes so fast.
Y'all, when this chat be moving fast,
I'm starting to think I'm getting a little aged.
These are so hard.
It doesn't seem like anyone is out there.
I know, I'm not feeling the chemistry.
It feels friendships and made,
it feels like friendship
and made me feel something is wrong with me.
I shouldn't because I was married before.
I'm not good enough to catch.
When they get to know me more,
they will not like me anymore.
I used to say that the dating pool is trash
and the men and the baby,
I used to say that the dating pool is trash.
And the men in the Bay Area are trash.
Yes, it can.
Yes, Jasmine, it count.
Why do I check all the people who don't love Jesus?
I don't like small talking.
We're supposed to avoid substance type conversations.
How can someone enjoy my presence
when I'm in such a quandary in life?
Okay, how are they going to handle?
I've been married more than once.
The man told me he had never seen a woman.
So what?
What does that mean, Eloise?
He's never seen a woman so backward sexually.
Because he wanted more than just a kiss or whatever.
And he was just there for one thing.
And so he didn't know what a pure woman looked like,
evidently.
I like your reframing of that.
He didn't know what a pure woman looked like.
He had never seen a pure woman until he met Eloise, baby.
Tell him.
Yeah, yeah.
That's right.
Maybe.
I'm not wasting any more time on dating.
This might be negative, but true.
My time is too valuable.
I don't think it's negative.
I think that you want to know why you're saying
you're wasting your time
and what happened to make you say that.
What's wrong with me?
No one is approaching me.
It's such a classic one, right?
This is confusing.
Are they treating me as a friend or wanting to date?
Cause they believe,
cause they believe start with friendship.
Yeah.
Going on with your man.
Said that right.
That man knew better.
He needed a book book.
You know, ain't nobody finna let him rub it.
They'll rust their hand up against him.
Too much work to talk with strangers.
Unattractive.
These guys are boring.
I'm fearful I'm going to go back to my old ways.
Fear of being hurt again.
I'm too old.
I need to lose weight.
Pretty sure that was 20 minutes ago.
I don't know what you mean.
Pretty sure it was 20 minutes ago.
Oh, your thought, your thought.
Oh, okay. I am too old and I need to lose weight. Ladies, these are all so good and so vulnerable.
Thank you for sharing. Now, can you see just from what we got in the chat that if you held
to some of those negative thoughts, what they could possibly produce in your life?
So, this is what I'm thinking about. Let's look at one of those thoughts and I want you to think
about what that could produce in you or ask yourself, what has this produced within me
that could be a block to me? So, if I say, oh, let me see.
Nobody will want me because I am too fat. Now,
what do you think is going to happen to me if I say nobody will want me because I'm too fat?
Okay. Do you believe that's going to encourage me to go lose weight
or do you think it's going to put me in a cycle of eating?
You're going to go eat to comfort yourself. That's probably how we get those extra pounds
because a lot of us eat for comfort. And so, it's going to put you in a cycle making you
feel bad about yourself. It'll make you eat. You feel like you lost your chances. Okay.
Nobody's going to want me. It puts it back on you if there's something wrong with you
because you feel too fat. You self doubt in all areas. Then if somebody does want to talk to you,
you keep thinking about how you look. It ain't even possible that they want you.
So, you don't even believe it's real, right? You're probably going to start looking for
ways to disqualify them because you don't even believe they want you because you don't want
yourself. How do you believe somebody else wants you? And then you may operate in a scarcity
mindset where he the only one. I could deal with that. I could put up with this.
Right? Okay. So, let's take a, you can take an unhealthy thought. You can take one of the
negative thoughts that you, you can take yours or you can take another one that you saw.
How about, no, no, no. Don't take yours. Take another thought that you saw
and let's just put in the chat what that thought could produce.
Take any thought you saw, one that you were most attracted to.
And what would you, what do you think that thought could produce in you
that would be a hindrance to you, a block to you?
Because what is happening this, as you're thinking a lot of these thoughts,
they feel like they're protecting you. They feel protective in nature. You feel like I'm
going to put a nail in this thing. We just going to call it what it is.
You feel like you're getting closure from it.
But it really does hinder the way you show up in any arena, not just dating.
And I know y'all are thinking while I'm talking, but some people are thinking and listening,
because they may not know where to go with this. Have you ever thought about when you put on some
clothes and you went out and you thought to yourself, I don't look that nice.
And then when you show up around the people, you keep fidgeting with your clothes.
If somebody is looking at you, you think they're automatically looking at you and
thinking that you don't look nice or that they see what you thought you saw about yourself.
I remember, and you've heard me tell this before, but I used to be much larger than I am now.
It's like 391 pounds, close to the 400 pounds. And I've always been overweight. Even in high
school, I've always been the biggest child. My mother has taken me to all types of doctors
because she's a nurse. And so this just wasn't something that she was willing to accept.
But anyway, I can remember for so long, I believe that when I walked in the room,
that the only thing people saw was my size. So I went in this interview and at the table,
I think our girls were from college and I was, like I said, about 390.
And I was sitting at the table, 15 people sitting around the table.
And though I was beautiful, I knew they would look in my heart. I knew that they were looking
at my size. And so I just saw them staring at me and I was convinced that that's what it was.
It was like, just get over it. That's what it is. And you know, so many people came up and
they're like, you have the most beautiful smile ever. I couldn't stop staring at you.
I couldn't stop staring at you.
Your smile is amazing. I'm excited to have you on our team. I was just blown away because that whole
time how I showed up in that interview was really running around that thought in the back of my
mind. Look how they're looking at you. Oh, they think you're disgusting. Oh, they think you're
this. Oh, they think you're that. And these people are looking at me thinking how beautiful my smile
is and how they can't wait for me to be a part of their team. So just that. So let's add in the
chat what the thought was that you chose or how about a couple of people share. You just unmute,
tell the thought that you chose and what you believe that that could produce.
Anyone can share if you've already completed it.
Because it might be a lot to retype it, but you can retype it if you want.
I shared that if I thought that the dating pool was trash, that I wouldn't give anyone a fair shake
and that I would have already prejudged everyone. And even if I found someone who seemed like a nice
guy, I would be waiting for the shoe to drop. Like what's the catch to him? I wouldn't ever
let my guard down with him. Pork fella.
Pork fella. That's a good one. So true. I can relate. Yes, Nadine. I think we can all relate.
Like sometimes I be going to tell the meme, babe, ain't no need of you trying. That woman already
believe you a liar. I was talking to one of my friends and he said, he was saying this girl's
doing this. I said, listen, I said, little do you know that woman believed that you were a liar
the moment she started talking to you. And I said, she's not going to change her mind. I said,
you cannot prove it to her. And the harder you work to prove to her that you're not the last
man she dated, the more she's going to believe that you're a liar because she already believes
you are a liar. You can't win. About two weeks later, he got tired of her and he was like,
yeah, you're right. Anyone else want to share? I would enjoy if you shared. We all would.
Um, hello. Okay. So I, for whoever wrote that their life is in a quandary, like if it's
a quandary or disarray, then it could produce a attitude of like, but why even bother,
you know, or, um, maybe you go out and not really be all into that and have a pre-assumption that,
like, it's just going to add to more disarray potentially,
or that he may not want that, you know, so it's just, you know, a why bother type attitude.
Yeah, that's true.
I hope you ladies, as you process through this, that you're catching on to what these thoughts,
how they set up, uh, basically sabotage within your own self. They're not protecting you.
They're actually blocking you. They're guarding you. Is somebody to share? Oh yeah, go ahead.
Um, I chose somebody put, I don't like small talk and, uh, we're supposed to avoid, um,
so, uh, you know, not non-substantial type conversations. I didn't make that one,
but I think that sometimes, so then you're not open to people at all.
That's the kind of the trap. You're not open to small talk. You're not like, how's the weather
or somebody even, you know, like trying to get into a conversation with you.
Yeah. It's so good. You know, when I'm out, maybe prayer walking or evangelizing,
I'm looking for small talk. I'm going to come in on somebody's puppy, on their dog,
and I use it as an access point to get somewhere. Right. And so we may start out,
man, the sun is so beautiful. The man is kind of rainy, rainy or something. And I just take that.
And then I go into something different. Right. Um, and so it can still stay lighthearted without
being, um, what we call deep. And, uh, if you've never heard me say this, you know, ladies,
we don't spill our pearl before swine. They may turn and trample on me, save your wisdom,
save what you carry for people who have stewarded your friendship. Well, who honor what you share
people that are in your community. When you show up to the table and you want to pour out every
bit of what you have to someone, it tells me that you don't have community
because why would you want to give a stranger something?
that you don't even know if they can steward it.
You don't even know if they will value it.
And so that's something I want you to think about
when you think you want to talk deep.
Like what is deep?
The things that you treasure most
or the things you want to find about them
so that you can guard yourself, so you can put up walls.
I don't know.
Why do you want to know anything personal about a person
that you don't even know who they are?
Because you're going to judge them.
I tell men, quick, don't tell me your business.
You're going to be good as judged.
Keep it to yourself.
You mess around and tell me that you,
I'm going to give you an extreme case.
If you would divorce your wife
because you cheated on her 24 times,
but you done got held baby by,
then you can hang it up.
I ain't even got, I don't even know.
You gonna have to, I can't even pray the blood over there.
Don't worry about it, I'm with it.
I ain't send the Lord to forgive,
but I'm saying I ain't got the grace for it.
Somebody else does.
You were good at just some stuff.
Don't tell me till I know your heart will be good.
Right?
All right.
So it's important not to go into places
because some people you do need to know where they came from.
You don't know their starting point.
Everybody has a story.
And so you don't want things that'll put you,
put the cart before the horses.
They say, huh?
Yeah, let's not overshare.
All right.
So-
I would like to share.
Yes, ma'am.
I had chosen the one that said, I am too old.
Okay.
You're probably younger than I am,
but I'm thinking, are you too old to marry?
Do you think?
You're here to find someone who is your spirit mate.
And so you must think you're young enough to marry.
So, and the other part of that is
that if you think that way about yourself,
you're going to appear hopeless and old
because that's what you think.
That's true.
That is so good.
Yeah.
That's so good.
Yeah.
I agree.
That is so good.
Yeah.
We kind of show up the way we think about ourselves.
Have you ever put on clothes and know you look good?
Honey, they can't tell you nothing
when you step in their room,
because you look good.
You, matter of fact,
you thinking when people look at you,
they thinking about how good you look.
You'll be like, I know they think I look good.
And when they walk up to you,
you're expecting them to say, how good you look.
That's the way it goes for me usually, you know?
So usually when people be like, you look so good.
No, I'm not saying that.
But yeah, you think that they think it's like,
yeah, I thought this color looked good on me.
Thank you.
So it does matter.
So we know that our behavior follows what we believe,
and we want to change your belief system.
And the belief system is actually in the heart.
The heart is the instrument of belief.
And so that's why when you're dating for discovery,
triggers reveal heart issues,
not a, you have a problem.
There's a heart issue.
I want to get to the root of it.
And then you get excited when the trigger is revealed,
because now you get to get to the root of the thing.
That's the whole purpose, y'all.
That's the point.
Triggers reveal heart issues that I want to deal with,
because that issue is blocking me,
and holding me, and affecting me.
How I know it is because it's showing up in my behavior.
It's showing up in the way I think.
It's coming against the thing that I'm believing for,
and I have to deal with that lie.
Okay?
So when a trigger happens, or when something comes up,
we want to reframe.
Not why is this happening to me,
but what is this revealing to me?
I am the queen of saying, okay,
why did I just do that?
Why did I respond that way?
I ask myself, why did I respond that way?
I know the only person who lives inside of me is me.
My response is my responsibility.
No one can make me angry.
No one can make me feel bad about myself.
Someone can say I'm ugly.
That is, I can't even process the thought.
I'm not arrogant, but I've been beautiful my whole life.
My whole family has told me how beautiful I was all my whole life, even though I was
chunky.
They've always told me how beautiful I was, literally, and they never said, you big, but
you got a cute face.
They never said that.
My family never did that.
They've always told me how beautiful I was, so it's really hard for me to believe something
opposite of that.
But you can take a beautiful person who's been told that they're ugly their whole life
and they will never believe they're beautiful.
I don't care how that mirror looks back at them.
So it's not that if I look in the mirror, I see a reflection of beauty.
I was cultivated in beauty.
And so what is this revealing to me?
Things can't touch what's not there, right?
It has to be something there for that thing to affect you.
All right.
I'm going to say this last thing and then we're going to go into because I want to give
us a little bit more time than what I've given us because we got 34 minutes right now.
Dating is not about keeping someone.
It's about revealing alignment.
What does that mean?
When you're dating, it's not about keeping that person, but it's about understanding
are we aligned?
They can be good, but there's a better out there and the better can be better, but there's
a great out there.
They can be a good, but not your good.
They can be a great, but not your great and that's okay.
I will say this to you ladies, when you date, go on a good date and it's wonderful.
I believe that God brings people in our life to also bring restoration to us in places
that were broken and things you didn't believe were possible for you, but don't hold on to
a thing that came to bring restoration if that's all the purpose was.
Release it because that restoration has brought you to a new standard.
I tell ladies this and it is the truth.
I would not marry today the man I would have married a year ago, even six months ago.
My eyes have been trained for a different suitor in just three months because that is
the speed of my evolution.
That's how fastly I'm growing.
The Lord is growing me in so many areas and I'm realizing, thank you, Lord, I didn't pick
somebody last year.
It's just the growth and as I see myself differently and the Lord brings me into the fullness of
my spiritual DNA, I see me differently and I realized that I didn't know back then, well,
it's going to take some more kind of equipment for this, for this ebony, for this jewel,
for this kingdom person, the one who builds the kingdom of the Lord, it's going to take
some different equipment, but the Lord knew.
He's been working to shape me.
He's been working so that I can see the fullness of the beauty that I am in Christ.
So, all right, we're going to stop right there.
What any question you have a question about this, or you can have, you have a question
about, and I'm going to post our activation and it's just going to be around some triggers
and things that come up and we want you ladies to share as you venture out this week.
But questions.
Go ahead, Renee.
Hi, Ebony, how are you?
Good, I'm playing hooky from school today.
Now, I actually had it off, so.
Yeah, you are important, but I got to get my grades.
So, I did have a question for you.
So, two questions.
One, one-on-one coaching, I can't get on the link.
It won't pull it up in my feed for whatever reason.
So, I don't know, do I send that to the tech people?
I don't understand what you're on coaching, what now?
Because you told me to contact you about coaching and, and I tried to find the link for it and
it's not in my, my app.
So I clicked on anything to message you.
So I was wondering, do I just call tech about that?
Or message tech?
Yeah, so when you go to resources, what do you see?
I see, like when I go to resources, I see events, I see different class, like not classes,
but like the cruise, the, there was like all those underneath it, but there's no, when
the link that says coaching.
Ah, ah, ah, resources.
When I click on that, the coaching one, it doesn't pull up for me.
It just kind of, so it's there, but it's not pulling up.
You should be able to book it through Jackie's website.
Cause I had booked a coaching before I joined through Jackie's website.
So if you just go to Jackie Dorman.com, you should be able to get coaching there.
Because when you click coaching, it takes you to a portion of her website.
Just go straight to the coaches.
Yeah.
Okay.
It is on Jackie Dorman.com.
Okay.
Sorry about that.
No, it's okay.
I figure that's why I was like, all right, let me, let me, let me come on and ask a
question and then two, um, you know, me and my dating saga of non-existent, um, I
am, it's hilarious.
So I go on all these adventures and there is not a single guy on any of them.
They are all married, every single one, which is so funny.
Every single one is married.
And then when I go on the dating apps, I start talking and then I get ghosted.
And so I'm wondering how do I go about even getting the seven dates?
I know dating apps and the world of dating can be frustrating.
That is no, I've done it all seriously.
And it can be a roller coaster in all of that included.
So let's just be clear.
That is not you.
Gotcha.
That's a, that's a clear thing right there.
You know, I thought to myself when I was like, it's like a thousand women in this
program and you made it to me.
One of these women don't know a man for the other woman.
And it's just like, how weird is that?
Like somebody knows somebody, but, um, so it is not you.
It's just what it appears.
And I think that sometimes even with dating apps, you need to take a break and
refresh yourself and put your focus in other places.
You're not going to miss anything by doing it.
And if you're getting frustrated with it, just stop for a while.
Just pause.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Because like, like last week I went ice climbing and I swear every guy in that,
the, like the, the climb and it was a four day climb, every single one was
married and I was like, okay, well, this is what we do now, but they're all
married, so I was trying to see about single guys and I'm Tanya.
It's like the married pool is out there.
It was just hilarious.
It is hilarious.
Yeah.
Um, I say take a break and get, get your footing back so that you won't be
discouraged or that it won't, it won't affect you as much.
Okay.
Because you have been part of it for a while.
Yeah.
I've been in phase two for a while now.
But you know, I also was in school, so I've missed Tuesdays because
usually school's on Tuesdays.
So I feel really bad because I want to show up, but classes at the same time.
We miss you.
I miss you guys too.
But you know, you can go to phase three when you're ready.
You've been in phase two a while.
You can always like dip back over and chat with us and come to the coaching
program if you need to.
Um, okay.
I'll probably do some coaching first before I hop to three.
Just let me Renee, let me meet you.
Hold up.
Okay.
Go ahead and unmute yourself.
Um, yeah, I think I'll do one-on-one coaching with you.
Cause we had talked about that before.
And so I think that would be a better step before I actually moved to phase
three, um, just, just to, um, get some things ironed out, like even just
interplay, I just want to make sure that I'm good before I move to, um,
no wrinkles is what I call.
I'm hoping there's no wrinkles in the system.
I agree with you.
I think that we, we, a one-on-one would be very beneficial
to work through some things.
Yeah, I agree.
I think so too.
Okay, great.
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
It was good seeing you.
I won't see you next week, but back to school.
However, I'm happy to see you.
All right.
Thank you.
Pauline.
It's so good to see you tonight and so good to hear from you because it
would have taken a lot of typing to answer.
Hi everyone. I'm new here. It's my first live session. I don't know if that's okay, but
a thought came to me when Renee was sharing about hiking or climbing with a group of married
men. I think Jackie said at the kickoff video, tell the folks that you're looking for someone
to be married. So tell those married men that you're looking for someone, Renee. That's
the word out there. Um, yeah, so I, uh, I've kind of shared on the, in our community earlier
this week about a very good date I had. I mean, we just been chatting really on the
platform and then we moved on to WhatsApp chats. Uh, but I did the WhatsApp thing only
after he agreed to do a video call just so that I can ascertain this is a real, real,
real person and not a catfisher, not a real person. Um, and, and because I think in the
course of sharing, uh, he talked about something that's very, he's very passionate about. And
so I was just kind of like asking more about that. And then it ended up going into, I think
somewhere deep, you know, because we are talking about passions. Right. And so then I was like,
Oh my gosh, shoot. Like I'm not supposed to go deep at this stage, but, but it has gone
that way. And then it's, and then, um, and then because he is a very kind and helpful
person. So when I share something, he would be really responsive and go, you know what,
you know, if you're open, I can kind of guide you through some of these things. And I'll
be like, yo dude, like, hang on. Like, are we do, so what are we doing? Are we doing
friendship or are we doing dating or what's happening? And are we going too deep, too
fast? And so I, I just, I would love inputs on how to navigate this. And the second part
to this is I noticed something about myself, which is as I shared in a community, I tend
to, if it's good, I tend to go into fantasies, you know, and sometimes it's sexual. And then
I feel like I'm so sinful. And then sometimes I get, maybe my attachment style, it's a bit,
maybe disorganized or anxious. And so I find myself kind of obsessing over like, is he
texting me? Has he replied? Do I reply? What do I do? Should I not take initiative? Should
I, and this is just phase two, yo. And I'm like, oh my gosh, what do I do? And I don't
like this feeling. It just makes it feel like it's supposed to be low stakes, right, Ebony?
Well, Farlane, thank you so much for sharing, but I want you to know that this
is a very common thing. I was the queen of fantasizing and I actually heard a teaching
on it. And I started applying that teaching to my life because I knew that fantasizing
was costing me. So I'm going to go back to your first question first. What do you do
basically when you're getting to know someone and they're kind of talking really deep already,
you're enjoying it. So you really don't mind, but you realize it's going a little bit too
far, a little too fast, right? Because in actuality, you don't know them. You are fruit
inspector. And so technically, if you've never spent a substantial amount of time with a person,
you really don't know if they really love Jesus. You don't know how they guard themselves. All
you know is what they say, but you don't know them. And so that's a real thing. You don't know
them. Not that they're trying to trick you. You just don't know them. You don't know how they
govern their life. You know what they say they do, right? And so we have to be mindful of that
when we're getting to know a person. They love God, but remember, you also love God. What do
you do that doesn't rightly align with the Lord? What areas are you growing in? We'll see a person
the same way. There are areas that they're growing in. There are areas that they may not be as strong
in. And so when you assume that there's something as an all around whole person, you're serving
yourself in them an injustice because you're giving expectations that may not be possible to
meet. And if you will spend more time being just a fruit inspector, not putting a nail in it that
this is who they are. That's who they say they are. And I'm getting to know them. Okay. And that
saves you disappointment because you don't have to be disappointed. You just have to remember that
this is a person I'm getting to know, and I know this is what they say they enjoy. And it's so nice
to know that they enjoy this because I enjoy that also. The second thing about your disorganized
attachment, anxious attachment, things running out, all of it has to do with you submitting
yourself to, okay, before I say that. So when you're talking to a man and he's going faster,
it was okay at first, but you realize it's going too fast. You have to know that
he's not here to set the pace.
for you, you're here to set the pace for yourself.
And so this idea that, oh, well, he was talking about it.
What does it have to do with you? You are in a program that teaches you how
to date in a healthy way. Not him. So you now have knowledge that you
didn't have before now. And with the knowledge that you have,
you understand that pacing is everything because it
helps you get to know a person as they are. It helps you get to know
yourself and it helps to guard your heart without
diligence. And so that when you get to the end of
week two and they ghost you or do something to hurt you,
you're not distressed and somewhere hiding under the bed because the world
is falling apart, right? Well, because the understanding
from the very beginning that you're getting to know them
is key and that you don't know them is key. And when you find that
you're fantasizing about somebody, sometimes that means you made a decision
about who they are in your mind, but more so in your heart. And so now
you, now this is something that's real. They
sound great. If they check out like they say they are,
you think, okay, they live there. Could I live there?
Okay. They said, what do you mean? Could I really live with children?
I mean, I don't know. They said that they're in ministry. Like, could I really
do that? That's, I don't want you to have these
thought ladies and go beating yourself up.
You are in a faith walk with the Lord. You're believing that there are
possibilities that you haven't even considered that just
awaits you. Okay? So these are things that are bound to come up. You can't have a
thought like, oh, I shouldn't have thought that. I shouldn't have thought that. It's not true.
Right? You're believing for a spouse. That's just where you are.
And so have fun, right? Understand what's happening. And so when
that same, so when those same thoughts go down the
road that it shouldn't, you know how to say, whoa,
we're not going there. That's what happens when you
understand where you are. I think I'm worried about, because I
think I'm worried about maybe how, not doing it correctly in
terms of trying to help redirect the pace. I'm afraid of
chasing him away. You know, I think that's the fear I have.
Yeah. And what happens when you chase him away?
Well, I know what Jackie would say, let them weed themselves out.
Yeah. You know. So what's going to happen
when you, when he runs away from you? I will feel like I have
maybe sabotaged something potentially good for myself because he's really
quite good. I mean, based on what I know for now,
you know. So let's just deal with what you think you know for now.
You've been knowing him for two weeks. You haven't spent any real experience
with him. You don't have any experience with him.
For all you know, he could have a rap sheet longer than your own
in prison time. For all you know, he could have two families on the other side of
the railroad track. That's true.
I'm just, I'm just being real with you like, so,
so if you are at a place and you say, I'm scared I'm gonna run him out.
You find out something about him, you gonna be glad he ran away from you.
I'm just saying that shows you how little you know. Let's deal with that in
your heart right now and come to the conclusion that you don't
know him. Yeah. That you are getting, you need to
release that. I am telling you, release this lie that
you know him. You don't know him, Pauline. You don't
know him any more than you know me. That's true. And the reason why you're
listening to me is because you trust Jackie's program and she has given me a
place of authority in her program. And so you trust Jackie
and because of that you have trust in the person that's talking to you.
Okay? Yeah. But if I did something in a few weeks that hurt you, you're gonna
know me differently. Your heart is gonna see me differently.
You don't know him.
You don't know him. I spend a lot of time telling myself that
over and over and over and over. This will be helpful to you,
Pauline. Also, if you have those racing thoughts, thoughts that get away from you,
fantasies, and you go ahead really quickly. A lot of times we go ahead
really quickly for me. I used to do it because I felt safe
that way. And so it was important to me in order
to feel safe to make a decision about who you are
right now. So I would gather whether I was going to make a decision that you
were bad or good, I was going to make it quickly.
Because that's the only
The only way from how I experienced life
was for me to feel safe.
And so you want to make a,
I used to want to make a decision quickly about a person,
but remind yourself why you're dating
because you're going to date some more people
that you don't know him,
but you are getting to know him
and what you know thus far, you enjoy.
So you don't have to take away from your experience,
but you don't have to make a decision
about your experience either, okay?
So if you ran him out, he was never for you
because whoever your spouse is, you won't run him out.
Thank you.
And you're not gonna get him in performance either.
Whoever your spouse is, he wants to know you.
He don't want to know your representative.
He wants to know you.
And when he gets to know you, he's going to enjoy you.
And you won't be able to run him out
because whenever you experience a man
that really wants a woman, you'll know what I'm saying,
especially an integrous man, a quality man, okay?
And so you don't know him.
How do you stop?
How do you stop someone speeding up?
When they speed up, you slow them down
by being using your words and saying like,
hey, that's a really great question,
but I don't want us to talk about these things right now.
Let's just stay where we are.
Let's get to know each other on this level.
That's, Pauline, that's you using your words.
It's important that you use them
because that's what this time is for.
Because when you get married,
you're gonna have to use that same language
with your husband.
Babe, I know you really want to talk about this,
but my heart is not prepared to deal with this right now.
If we go any further, I may say some hurtful things to you.
Right?
That's a real thing.
Okay?
That's called relationships.
So that's what a relationship looks like.
So you are going to use your words
when a man is going faster than you want,
or if you don't stop him from talking when they get done,
say, hey, maybe you feel very,
and if you don't know this language,
you need to write it down.
Maybe you feel very comfortable
sharing those things with me.
I understand, but this is not a conversation
I prefer to have,
so I'm gonna take us down a lighter road.
And then you're gonna have some questions in your phone
on him that you Google
that says, if you could be any character in the Bible,
who would you be and why?
So when people say I don't like small talk,
Rachel's laughing at me.
Like, that is one of my most favorite questions,
because I want to know who they resonate with,
because it tells me so much about them.
Right?
So if they tell me they resonate with Paul,
or they resonate with Moses,
you'd be like, oh, wow.
You know, like if they say I resonate with Elijah,
you'd be like, what?
You want to be like Elijah?
Or if this is a person you don't know
if they're a believer or not,
you may just say, you know, like,
what's something that you could do all day long
and never get tired?
What's one cause that you will fight for?
What is something that you want to see changed in society
or changed in your family?
Like, these are healthy, whole questions
that tells you what a person thinks about legacy.
It tells you what they think.
How do they build?
Do they build well?
What does their foundation look like?
Do they believe in structure and order without saying,
do you believe in structure and order?
Find questions that are light
that actually bring these things out.
All right?
What state have you never been to
that you really want to go to?
What activity that you want?
What activity you want to do that you've never done before?
And then they'd be like, I want to do skydiving.
Oh, tell me more about that.
What attracts you to skydiving?
Right?
So, all right, we got that done.
And so let's deal with this quickly.
Fantasies.
So we know you're going to try to think about like,
oh, if you never had a baby, would our baby be cute?
I don't know.
Yeah.
Or, you know, where would we live?
What would that look like?
Those are just like preliminary things, right?
Okay.
When you start having sexual fantasies
or going even further than those initial thoughts,
you say to yourself, I don't have the grace for this space.
I am not going to think about this.
That's it.
The simplest thing.
Are you still on, Pauline?
I don't see your face anymore.
Yes, I'm still on.
I'm here.
I don't know where you are.
I feel bad.
I've just been quietly listening.
I know, but when your face left the front of the camera,
I can't find you anymore.
Oh, do you want me to-
Anyway, here you go.
I got you.
So you just say like, hey, that's not where we are.
I don't live there.
I live here.
Those are one of the things I would say to myself
all the time that stopped me from fantasizing.
Or I will begin to declare truths
about who I am and where I am.
So I have this really fun game I do.
when I walk by myself or with somebody else,
and it's called what if.
So I start saying, what if I start a new regimen tomorrow,
and in a month, I've lost 10 pounds, anything?
What if I come up with this really cool idea,
and I create something like that?
It's a what if game.
Instead of thinking what will go wrong,
what if I start thinking of all the great things that
could happen in my life?
So one thought interrupts another thought.
And if you fantasize really badly,
you need to use this tool, because I
was a really bad fantasizer.
And so I will always use a tool to interrupt that thought
with another thought, because you can't have two
of the same thing at the same time.
Or I start talking out loud.
If I talk out loud, I disrupt what's happening in my mind.
And if you do that enough, you will train yourself
to stop fantasizing.
Now, if you do stuff like listen to music, watch love stories,
all of this kind of certain music you listen to,
you watch a Hallmark all the time,
you watch love stories all the time,
you watch people have sex on TV all the time.
If you're looking at pornography,
if you're looking at things that create
those images in your mind, they're going to keep coming,
and it's not going to be any way out of it.
You're going to have to guard your eye gate and your ear gate.
Go ahead.
Yeah, I was just curious if you could also share with us
the teaching that you mentioned about managing fantasies.
I think you mentioned at the start of the sharing that.
Oh, I heard somebody teach about it?
Yeah, yeah.
I can't remember.
It's been so long ago, probably five years ago,
six or seven years ago.
But I think it was Chris Vallotton.
I don't even know what the teaching was.
Chris Vallotton mentioned about fantasies
and how do you break free from them.
And that's what he said.
So one of his teachings was about thoughts.
And he was saying, we believe that because we hear a thought,
it belongs to us, but we don't have to own it.
Because we are a channel.
Thoughts come through in and out.
And so we don't have to own every thought that
comes through.
And I think then he mentioned something about fantasies.
And I picked up what he said, and I just
started implementing in my life the things
that I share with you.
And then I stopped that problem.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
That's so helpful.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
I'll try them.
I'll do them.
Yeah.
OK, I know I said a lot, but yeah.
OK, she kind of.
How's it going?
OK, just had to get my little unmute button.
Let me get inside the chat.
It's really windy out here.
Oh, goodness.
Oh, so get inside.
I'm sure y'all hear the wind.
Oh, yeah, I can't hear the wind.
I didn't know what it was at first.
It's huge.
OK, so first of all, I just want to say
I'm very thankful for this community.
When I hear other women talk, I can
see how much growth that's been growing inside of me.
And also, I can see how my mindset has definitely changed.
So I just want to say, first and foremost,
thank you so much to you, Ebony, and all the other coaches
that are here to spend time with us, coaching us,
encouraging us.
I really appreciate it.
Because I was talking to one of my friends,
and she's nothing but 25.
And she just talks so negative about men.
She says she hates men.
And she's only 25.
And I don't even think she has that much of a dating
experience to even say that.
She's never been married or anything like that.
So I'm like, oh my god, girl.
I say you cannot say things like that,
because you're not going to attract great men
if you say you hate men.
So thank you so much for just coaching us, encouraging us,
and helping us with our mindset.
Second thing I wanted to say is, for me, I don't think,
especially at my age of 40, I don't
think I can get excited about a man or get, what's
another word other than excited?
Or feel like, oh, wow, we're really
going somewhere until like a good three to six months
have passed, right?
So what is your advice, Ebony, for the talking stage?
Like, how many dates or how many months
should pass before you really even start getting excited?
Because at my age, I've been there, done that,
been engaged before, it didn't work out, all that.
So some time really has to pass before I
get excited about anybody.
So what is your advice?
Because another thing on top of that, with the talking stage,
it's only so much talking I'm going
to accept before you schedule a first date, because I know
my great-great-great-great-grandmother to the 1,000th power is, you know, Eve,
she was listening to a serpent. So we get enticed by what we hear, right? So if a man is just
talking, talking, talking, but he hasn't planned any dates, he's not doing anything, then why are
we getting excited? So, Ebony, I want you to take it from here. Again, I thank you again and all the
other coaches for working with us. And then what is your advice on the talking stage and when should
we be like, oh, wow, it's time to get excited? Yeah. Well, I tell you what, that is something,
ladies, you know, if you've been around this block a while, you do understand that because
I am 43 and I've had wonderful dates. I've talked to people who've been in marriage-minded
relationships and headed to altars and I'm very intentional about things. But one thing I will
say, Shekinah, that is true for me, I see most, most outdating as an experience.
And so I am more interested in me and how I show up
more than anything. And I am very scheduled in this way. So if I'm talking to you,
and first of all, you know, I agree. I usually won't talk to a person past a week without seeing
them. I don't, I don't do that. Agreed. I like to see a person I'm talking to is weird for me.
Could be my age. I don't, I just don't like it. I'm not going to talk to somebody too long. I don't
know how they look. Just about the second day I'm on the FaceTime. That's just, I'm, I never did. I
keep talking about three days and don't know how they look. I'm not going to text you. But that's
me. That's not a rule. Unless you're single. Please hear my heart when I say that that's not
a rule. That's an ebony thing. Now I will say this. When I'm getting to know someone and we
start dating or like not exclusive, start dating each other. And so, you know, probably after a
month, when we talk about deeper conversations, after so long, there's only so much, you're
getting to know a person. So when you start moving into like the fourth or fifth week,
depending on how much you're chatting with them, I'm not talking about you have no marathons on
phone. If you are testing, you're talking, certain things just aren't going to come up
because most adults are living a purpose field life. So for me, I'm going to give you an example.
I schedule most of my phone calls for the weekend because that's when I have the most
bandwidth availability. I don't, it's only on Thursdays when I don't have something to do
after work. That's the only day of the week. And then it's Saturday and Sunday. So I'm very
strategic in that I'm getting this kind of thing. Like I'm saying a lot of stuff, but because I am
strategic in my life is so planned out. Like I have a schedule about things about a month and
a half somewhere in there. I'm like, Oh, that's when the thought is hitting me. I think I like
them. Let me do some activities that helped me get to know them a bit better.
Let's try an escape room. So I'm very intentional about the activities that I choose
that helped me get to know a person. I don't relate. I don't, I don't put a lot of weight on
what we say, but I try to create experiences and certain questions that reveal more about the
person. And so legacy is important to me, how a person views legacy. And so then I will literally
Google questions that, that I can ask a person that reveals how they think and how they process,
because that's what I'm interested in and how they process. I'm interested in what they value,
not what they tell me. And so I find conversations that reveal that it seems like a lot of work.
You've never done it, but once you get a certain set of questions, you just keep following the
same script. So I say to kind of to answer your question with intentionality is how I do it.
Now we're going to have to hit about 60 days for me to be like, this could be going somewhere.
Okay. That's a good time. I'm literally counting.
I just, that just works best for me. I'm counting not because I'm like, I don't count and think this
in my mind. Okay. Is he getting serious? Is he getting, should I take him serious? Should I take
him serious? Has he proven? Has he proven? No, no, no, no, no. That's not what I'm doing. I'm
enjoying that person. And I am constantly making sure that I'm showing up as me.
I have community that I process with. How do I pace myself? I have people that I'm accountable to.
And I'm.
I'm telling you, they can tell you I am accountable to the T.
I don't do anything on my own.
Ain't no feeling going to come over me that make me do something on my own
because I pay a cost. I've traded my dignity in ways.
I don't have enough ways to count how I've traded my dignity for a relationship.
I have paid a great cost for where I am now.
And so I don't take anything lightly.
I believe in community. Yes.
How someone problem solves generally comes up in the process of getting to know
them. But there are things that you can do to solve problems.
If you can do certain fun activities to see how people problem solve.
So escape room shows you how someone problem solves.
You can plan all kinds of things to show you how people problem solve.
Also around 60,
probably about after four or five weeks. And remember, this is the Ebony thing.
This is not a last year single. Okay. At some point I may say, Hey,
let's hang out with some people. I know.
Let's, let's do a double date. Right?
So this is around the two month mark.
I'm going to go a full 90 days before I go exclusive.
I believe in that. I don't feel that good to me.
Now, if the Lord brings my husband tomorrow and I have to change it,
I will tell you about it. I don't mind,
but actually wisdom says enjoy the journey. So I'm not in a hurry,
but anyway, she kind of, I hope somewhere in there, I answered your question.
Okay, good.
Yes, you did. Yes, you did.
Thank you for clarifying that. Hey, this is me. This is Ebony, not, you know,
last year single program,
but I really thank you for clarifying that because I just know at my age,
somebody running their mouth on the phone to me and they're not planning any
dates and they're not really investing any time to be present with me.
I'm not getting excited and they're not even worth talking about.
So thank you for clarifying that Ebony.
You're welcome. Yeah. You want to get experience. Experience matters.
Experience is how we get to know somebody and yeah.
And another thing too, um,
I'll take, I'll go to, it's 823. We'll go to the next question. Uh,
Sarah, did you put your hand down because you had to go? What happened?
Did you change your mind? Were you before or after Jasmine?
Jasmine was Sarah before or after you? Do you know?
I don't remember.
It's so good to see you. We'll go for it. I don't think.
Hey girl. Hey, hey ladies.
Appreciate your questions. Very helpful. Um, cause it kind of answers mine,
but mine's a little more specific for me personally. Um, so my question is
when, okay,
I'm trying to figure out how or when to tell my testimony on how I got saved
because people usually ask like in the beginning,
but because my testimony is pretty intense, um,
and I can, I can share it with you guys cause I don't mind,
but I think cause we're learning not to share too much deep personal things
right away that I almost don't want to share it because it's very like, whoa,
like it was a very radical way of me being saved.
So how I got saved was I was drugged and raped and I went to a hospital.
The next day I started heavily manifesting like demons and that's basically how
I came to the Lord.
So for me I'm not ashamed or I don't look at my testimony as anything bad.
I think it's powerful,
but I think sharing something like that with someone that I don't know or I'm
just getting to know can be like a lot, you know, really soon.
So I'm trying to figure out a way of how or when,
when that day comes. Cause people do ask me and I'm like, Oh,
I went through a traumatic event and that's how I got saved.
But then they want like more information.
I'm not ready to share that quite yet.
Yeah, I totally agree.
I agree with you and I agree with your wisdom and some of the comments are
saying thank you for trusting us with your testimony. Yeah.
But I do agree with you and I think that you can say what you just said,
like is a radical test is radical and you can save it.
But because it is so personal to me, I'm not really,
I'm not prepared to share it with you,
but I hope that we get to grow each other in a way that grow to get to know
each other in a way that I can share it one day.
Yeah. Okay.
And another question is to piggyback off of that is I know when you're getting
to know someone, you do share things like.
eventually personal things about ourselves. And my concern is
creating like an emotional soul tie with someone, just by
sharing personal things and like getting to know them and like
spending time with them on the phone or in person. Because I'm
very, like guard your heart, because everything you do flows
from it. And so I'm trying to navigate, like obviously getting
to know someone and not being afraid to be myself, which I'm
not, but also being mindful of what's because I've been trying
to ask God this, like, what's, where, what's the point? And
when it can become, like, developing a soul type, because
let's just say, hypothetically, we're just going to be friends.
And you know, that's it. I won't know until it happens, right. But
then I have to go through the process of like, okay, I have to
sever soul ties and maybe not talk to you anymore. So I'm
trying to navigate that as well.
Right, I think that, um, I believe that. I believe that
when we operate under the wisdom that we don't know a person, and
that we're getting to know them, that changes your likelihood of
developing a soul tie. Because you understand you have a
perspective that I don't know this person. I don't trust them
with the jewels or treasures of my heart. Right? I don't know
how they steward their own hearts. I'm certainly not going
to give them access to mine. I will give them access to getting
to know me. But it doesn't mean they get access to places that
other trusted people have access to, because those ties are not
going to be developed until you give them space into inner
places that they should not be. And so if you have trouble with
recognizing your inner spaces, that's where the issue is. Not
you're going to somehow haphazardly develop a soul tie.
You're developing a soul tie when people get access to your
soul, to the inner spaces, the workings.
I guess I was thinking, I guess that makes sense. Right? I was
thinking, oh, to know me, and my personality and like where my
heart is, like what I value or what I'm passionate about. I
was, I guess, maybe assuming that that could potentially
create a soul tie.
Yeah, I don't think so. Because the person knowing you doesn't
give them the same access. Just like, Jasmine, there may be some
people in your life that are very close to you. I don't have
access that they have to you. They have, you know, I usually
draw a circle for people. We've done this before. And I put
people like who's on the outside of the circle, the
middle circle is the core of you. So as you come closer to
the core of you, there should be fewer and fewer people who have
access to that part of you. Why? Because those are the most
sacred places of your heart. Even when you are married, you
will be mindful how you give out the sacred places of your heart
to your spouse, because you don't even know if they can
steward those places. This has nothing to do with you loving
them. It has nothing to do with marriage, but it's understanding
what can a person steward. You know, everybody doesn't get
access to every single thing. There's some things that you're
going to have that is just you and God. Yeah, even in marriage.
There are things that you and just you and the father have.
Not that your husband doesn't have access to your heart. But a
lot of wounds happen when we give what a person can't carry.
So you go and put this load on your husband's back and he
doesn't know how to carry it. Let's say maybe he didn't grow
up with no having emotional understanding. And you go put
something on him that he's not yet ready to carry. How broken
do you think your heart is going to be from it? Had you had
wisdom, you can see that he couldn't bear that. Yeah, not
bear secret, but carry that part and steward it. But one day as
he grows, he will be able to. And so we take the sacred things
that should only belong to the Lord, and we hand them out to
humans. And so that's why it's so important for us to
understand is, you know, to have an understanding about sacred
things, that wisdom about who can have access to these things.
There are things you'll share with a therapist that you
wouldn't even share. Some people share with their therapist what
they don't share with their spouse. Why? Because maybe their
spouse doesn't understand, they don't have the capacity for it.
But their therapist can help them navigate through something
right that will make their
marriage better that their spouse couldn't navigate through.
And so, yeah, Jasmine, just keeping you,
once you know who has access to what,
it'll keep those people who don't supposed to have access
to sacred parts of you out and there won't be a soul time.
I feel like this is a reminder of patience
and what you just explained to me is not being dependent,
like putting everything on that one person,
like including your husband, right?
When you get married, because at the end of the day,
it's God that we depend on
and he's our provider for everything and we can't,
like men fail, like men, women, everyone, man fails, right?
And so God will never fail us.
And okay, I really, I appreciate this discussion.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, you're welcome.
And just to add, yeah, just to add,
and this is not about more so when you talk about marriage,
it's not about putting up walls against your spouse, right?
That's not what this is about.
But when you get married,
you'll see if you've ever been married before.
I mean, if I don't have been married before,
you know what I'm talking about.
Can I get a wave if you've been married before
and you know what I'm talking about?
Some things you can't tell
because you've never been married before.
You believe in your imaginative mind
that your spouse is gonna be your absolute best friend
and y'all gonna talk about everything.
You're gonna sit on the couch, eat popcorn
and he's gonna understand everything about you
and you're gonna understand everything about him.
But that means you don't know that men are from Mars
and women are from Venus.
We're two different creatures.
And that's why people have their friend girls
and your husband have men friends.
And you encourage each other to go hang out with him.
And so it's just the way it is.
And so you grow in all things.
All right, Kathleen.
I had three questions.
Okay.
Can you share with us a couple,
maybe two examples of some of the questions you ask
that kind of helped you get to know how men process
when you are dating or I guess you still are dating?
Okay, what's the second and third question?
Or do they come out of nowhere?
Well, how do you know if your heart work is done enough?
And then the last one is more specific to the community.
Okay.
Yeah, okay.
All right, so a couple of example questions
you can ask someone to get to know how they process.
What do you wanna know about how they process?
What do you mean?
How do they process conflict?
How do they process or?
Well, you mentioned you looked up online
some really great questions and you have like,
you have it embedded in your mind,
but I'm not sure because I haven't started dating yet.
I'm like, just building up enough to make up.
I got you.
So there's one of these recent guys I was getting to know.
I wanted to know,
I kind of felt from the way he was talking,
maybe he didn't have too much history and legacy.
And so legacy is important to me.
And so I asked him the question.
I said, so when you,
what do you imagine leaving to your offspring?
And what do you imagine after you talk about this?
So what do you imagine leaving to the world?
Like when you leave this place,
what do you want to be said of you?
And he responded.
And based on what I had been gathering about him,
I kind of figured something like that would come out.
And so I was like, oh, wow, thank you for sharing.
And then I shared what I would want to see left on the world.
And so generally I don't wait for a person to say,
and what about you?
No, I just thought, I'll go ahead.
I ain't gonna be the one that ain't asked me nothing
about me, nigga.
Ain't asked me nothing about me, come talk about me.
So I shared what I felt like, what did I want to leave?
And so that kind of leads me into when I say things like,
I really feel like I was made for this
because I'm drawn to these type of things.
I'm drawn to orphanages.
And then I'll in turn ask him,
is there anything you're passionate about in life?
Like when you were a child,
what did you dream you would be?
What did you think?
Did you, and they'll be like, I don't know.
Like, did you ever think you'd be an astronaut
or a scientist?
What did you dream of?
And so they'll answer that.
That's also when I want to get to know my dad,
I ask him questions like that.
They're not intimidating.
They are like wonder, right?
And so it's not like, let me get in your business,
but it's like, let me know you.
I'm trying to know you.
And people can tell when you're just wanting to know.
of them, not with something attached for your safety.
OK, and so
I would ask that and I'm really good about asking,
so what are some things you've done in your previous life?
What type of work have you done?
What did you enjoy most?
Or they tell me where they work, how was work today?
Well, sometimes this is small talk.
I was like, oh, well, what do you enjoy most about your job?
And then they're going to say it's really how long has it been sucky?
They'll say, wow, have you ever considered doing something different?
Now, this sounds like small talk, but he's telling me about that person.
It tells me, do they just sit around when things are the eyes are against them?
Or do they say, yeah, I was thinking about this.
I started doing that.
I'd be like, wow, OK, I like the way you're thinking.
Right. So that type of stuff.
Does that help? OK.
All right. And then the second question is,
how do you know you've done enough with the hard work?
So I don't believe completely that there's
a such thing as done enough with the hard work.
I believe that whatever age we are,
what we've learned up until this point has shaped and cultivated who we are.
And I believe that there's grace for us
to take on a new identity and to see ourselves newly and rightly.
And that as we go through life relationships, you know, Jackie says,
if you're broken in community, you're healed in community.
If you're broken in relationship, you're healed in relationship.
The same thing that broke you, the Lord uses it to heal you.
And so opportunities are going to come
like dating that helps bring that sharpening in the healing,
the restoration back to your life.
And so I don't believe that there should be a time where you keep waiting before you
start dating if you're in this space, unless you have some things that are very
specific to you that would be of a great hindrance to you.
Like if you share those things and I'm like, hey, let's let's clean that up.
Or if you say, well, when I'm with a man, I can't help myself.
I'm just going to have sex and I can't do anything about it.
I don't want to be this person, but I can't get along with me.
If you tell me that, I'm going to say, hey, let's not get along with the man.
Let's get to the root of why you operate that way.
I was the queen of make out.
I was going to make out with me a man now,
but it was deeply tied to being molested and believing for all those years that what
a man wanted from a woman was sexual.
So I was programmed that way from the age of seven.
And so this was always tied, no matter how much I knew Jesus and loved Jesus,
that part of me was still very active, that behavior.
And so dating revealed it, because as long as I wasn't dating,
it was just me and Jesus.
And so then, you know, you can say all kinds of stuff, being like,
yeah, you know, you should be doing it, you should be doing it.
You ain't got no temptation in front of you.
We don't know what you might do when you get in that dog car with you and that man.
I don't know what you might do.
You don't know what you might do, right?
You ain't got no, you ain't got to worry about it.
But that was a real part of me that the Lord had to get to the root of.
He used dating to help get that out of me,
to let me see that this is an issue and I want to heal you.
And he did just that.
And so
dating helped me to get into trauma therapy that changed my life.
And I still have a trauma therapist to this day.
And this is what, four or five years now.
But it was dating that uncovered that for me,
that there's an issue where you're looking at a righteous woman who serves
in the kingdom of God, who is a leader that has an issue.
This is an issue. This is a problem, a real problem.
And so, you know, to God be the glory, dating exposed that for me.
So I don't think that there's ever a done enough.
I think that everything around us is
helping us grow and the Lord uses the things around us to help us grow.
And that's why you have to give yourself
so much grace, because you're worthy of grace.
And what was the last thing about the way the program works?
Well,
I think it was a couple of weeks ago.
Jackie said, hey, there's this person I'd love to introduce you all.
She just started to describe a male that she's looking to.
I'm not Peter.
The man with the
children, foster children.
Yeah, yes, yes.
And so if that was something that we wanted to follow up with, how would we do that?
Send an email to Admin.
Put your name is going to be on the email,
but you can just still say in the body of it, this is Kathleen.
Jackie mentioned about, it's a name.
Peter, I think she said, I can't remember.
But anyway, just put on there,
the guy that loves foster children.
I'm interested, I would like to meet him
and get to know him.
So, however you wanna say that, you say it
and send it to at me and they'll take it from there.
Yep, go for it, go for it, go for it.
All right, Tiffany.
Okay, I've just got one question.
So, part of my testimony is that
I've been married three times.
That is also the one part of talking about me
that I do not want to have to divulge.
And so, because I mean, you know,
like the absolute judgment of that
and the Lord has really helped me,
like even be able to say it here without tears
is a huge thing.
But to see that in someone's face, ugh.
So, and I've already like played it in my head.
Have you been married before?
Yeah.
You have really played it, you did so good.
In your mind thinking, don't ask me how many times.
You look at me like, yeah.
Yes, because I feel like most people would not say,
has it been more than once?
Like, I wouldn't dare ask that.
I might ask, have you been married more than once?
And I would leave that alone.
But I don't want to have to also have that conversation.
Hey, you know what I said I have?
It's been like, yeah, three.
Go ahead and make the faces, it's all right.
Like, how do I even approach this?
Listen, you telling the truth,
because it's no, that's a real thing.
And so what I suggest, what my encouragement would be,
Tiffany, when somebody asks you,
have you been married before, say yes.
That's it.
Men generally won't ask you how many times.
You may ask somebody many times
because you know it's possible
that somebody could be married more than one time.
But if they say, oh, how long was it?
Which one?
You can, how long was the last one?
Whichever one's the longest one, pick that one.
They were, the weirdest thing,
they were all about seven years.
Okay.
In between six and a half and seven years.
So like, that's a whole thing too.
Like, God, you're going to have to help me at that mark.
Yeah, right.
So, yep, yep, yep.
That's true.
It's going to, the pattern is going to come back around
and you're going to defeat it this time.
That's right.
Yeah.
This time is going to be different.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, I believe that God redeems and restores
and it's no matter how many times it happens,
I do believe that this time is going to be different.
And then you're going to see to it that it's different
because you're going to fight that thing
and you're going to wrestle it to the ground
and you're going to put it in the grave
and it will not defeat you.
And when year 14 comes, you're going to stop it again
because it's going to come back to your door
until it gets tired of getting its butt kicked.
Okay.
So, no, usually just,
I just encourage you to say yes and say seven years.
And when you guys get a chance that they ask you more about it
say, I'd rather not talk about that right now
because it's private.
Let's continue getting to know each other.
And then, so you're going to see probably like the month
or a month and a half,
they're going to really start liking you.
You guys are going to start asking each other more questions
and then you're going to have to reveal that.
And that's okay.
Because you being married three times
does not tell me who you are.
It just tells me decisions that you made.
And a person is either going to go with it or they're not.
And that's just the truth of the matter.
And if they don't, that's okay too.
If that's too much for them, good.
They should say, ouch.
If they can't bear that, you need to know that.
And it is honorable for them to say like,
oh no, it's too much for me.
Just like if somebody told you something
that was too much for you,
you should say, that's too much for me.
That's the right you have.
And you don't have to do something
because you want somebody to do something for you, Tiffany.
You get to say, no, that doesn't work for me.
And the more you start to say
something doesn't work for you,
the more you free other people up
to say something doesn't work for you.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Mandy.
Okay, my phone's about to die. So if I just like, turn off,
that's what happened. Okay. Okay, I just wanted to fill you
in. This is the first time this has ever happened to me on a
date. So I went on my little, there's my 10% battery warning.
Anyway, I went on this date, and I shared about it on the wall
posted about it. And, um, at the end of the day, everything
was fine. I mean, he honestly was not my type at all. But I
was trying to like, just not I was I'm trying to avoid my type
because my type's not good. So I'm like, Okay, let's go outside
the box. Anyway, so, um, he asked, he was like, I probably
shouldn't ask this question. But I was like, Go ahead. Like, I'm
open book, ask me anything, you know. And then he said, Well,
hypothetically speaking, if we were to like, continue dating,
and like, down the road, like, where would your kids go? And I
was like, what? Like, when they turn 18? Like, what are you
what are you talking about? He was like, I mean, would they
live with us? Like if we got married, and I was like, bro,
like, my mom heart broke. And I was like, you knew I was a
single mom before you ever asked me. This man drove from Atlanta
to take me to dinner, five minutes away from my house. And
I'm like, I don't know. So that was like really hard. I did not
I didn't cry. I didn't feel anything, whatever. I obviously
he's Indian. I honestly hate Indian food. It wasn't gonna
work out anyway. But, but I really was going outside my
comfort zone with this one. And I just was like, he seems like a
nice guy. We FaceTimed, you know, all the things. Anyway,
that comment was like, so sad. And I'm just like, it left me
being because he was like, just let me know when you're ready to
leave. And we'll pray when we end or something. And I was
like, okay.
Did you ask him? Why did he ask you where your children would
Yeah, I said, Is this like a cultural thing for you? Like,
I'm like, they're my children. Like, I have full custody of my
two children. They stay with me. Um, I can't really remember. He
was like, Oh, okay. I was just wondering. He was like, No, it's
not culture. Well, sometimes the kids go with the
grandparents. And I was like, my grandpa, my parents are very not
involved. Like, they'll let me leave the house if I put them to
bed. And like, they're asleep. Like, they don't got to watch
them. And then maybe I can go do something. Anyway. Um, yeah. So
anyway, I just wanted to fill you in with that. But I was
like, Okay, um, let's pray because I'm ready to go. And he
was like, Oh, you are. And I was like, so I didn't hear I just
let it be. He didn't respond the whole next day. And then I
messaged him, like the second day. And I was like, I'm pretty
sure we're on the same page when I can say like, it's not
like a good fit for us to be together. But I pray that you,
you know, find what you're looking for and all the things
and just kind of ended it. But that was that was interesting.
But I'm I was very upfront with being a single parent with two
kids, like on my profile. Um, so yeah, it was enough for me to be
like, profile dating apps suck still. So anyway,
that was a him thing. That's strange to me. I know.
dated someone within his culture. That's not a single
parent thing. That's not a somebody's rejecting you because
you have children. That's what Yeah, this culture. That's
strange. Like why even waste your time? Like, that's almost a
seven hour drive in one day. And you pay for dinner. Have you
talked about your kids with him before? Yes, he asked me about
him all the time. That's why I didn't understand what was
going on. Oh, it was weird. I know. But listen, this is this
is why I'm like something when you're like, Oh, it's it's not
you that attracts these weirdos. I'm like, I don't know. I'm
starting to think otherwise. So
here ain't nothing like naming somebody and sending it back. The
more we get and giving back what is not best for us, the higher
the pool gets. I have been there and done that. And I've done
what I see and it does get better because you refuse to
take anything that was less and sometimes the Lord has to build
up on the inside of us that I will not take less than heaven's
best for me. Because you don't know but somewhere in your heart
lives a level of scarcity that will accept some or being for
and it takes time to weave that
out of you. You got to get, got to get to a place that you've been spread thin.
And we still want to hear when you come back and say, no, that doesn't work for
me. No, I'm not going to live like that. No, I will not accept it.
It's when, when the pool is dry and don't know date workout and everybody turn
you down. And when that Peter Pan come and you still stand and say, oh no,
this is not heaven's best for me. Oh no, you won't talk to me that way.
Oh no, I don't do conversation that way.
That's what we're talking about. Some solid standard.
If it ain't nothing out here, you ain't going to be there and I'm going to
respect you and I'm going to you and I'm going to send you on your way and say,
yeah, right. I am. Oh, go ahead. No, go ahead.
I was just saying,
I'm getting really used to rejection and I really feel like the Lord's protecting
my heart with it. Like it's not, it's not hurting as deep.
I am not taking it as personal. I just kind of was like,
I was sad for like my kids cause I'm like the enemy tried to get in with that.
But yeah, so I, I really do think like,
I know rejection has been a thing,
a pattern in my life and I'm very like strict on like my values and like the
things I do.
Like I can resonate a lot with Jasmine and like the soul tie stuff because I'm
very cautious. Like I've been celibate for eight years. I don't care.
I will not kiss until my, my wedding day and things like that.
So I don't know. I just, this is part of the plan, part of the process.
But yeah. Anyway, thank you.
Thank you for sharing. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for sharing. I think it,
I think it's good. I said to the, and it's definitely time to go,
but I said to a friend of mine the other day, I said, for some people,
they don't know it when they sign up to walk with God in faith for their
marriage. They don't realize that they're birthing something.
You don't know it, but some of us are birthing something.
You're birthing something that has never been in your bloodline and you don't,
you didn't know you were signing up to birth something.
And so that's why it seems so challenging.
But you decided to partner with the Lord to birth something.
And so for some of us, this is a birthing season.
That's why you can't compare yourself to somebody else because I don't know what
your bloodline is. I don't know when you birth this kingdom marriage out,
how it's going to change it for generations to come.
I don't know what statement is going to make in your lineage and how you're
going to shift things forever.
When a kingdom marriage comes and takes up residence within your family
lineage and changes everything around. But some of us are birthing.
You're not only walking in birthing yourself,
you're going to give birth to a kingdom marriage.
And a lot of us ladies,
the heart works help to birth the version of you that you've not seen before.
So yes, it's strenuous and yes, it's hard and yes, it's challenging,
but it's even more challenging when you didn't know you signed up to give birth.
And so for some ladies, I'm going to be a coach and for others,
I'm going to be a midwife.
Jackie was my midwife.
She helped to give birth to a woman that I didn't know existed.
And so for some of us,
there's going to be levels of fortification that has to happen.
And it's going to take time for it to happen.
What it is.
And that's not what everybody wants to hear when they're believing for a
spouse, but you are God's heart. You are the one.
You are the one that God is after to perfect those things that concern you.
That's what he's doing. So rejoice. Again,
I say rejoice in the Lord. Always.
He is perfecting those things that concern you.
He wants to give you fullness of joy.
He wants to give you life and life more abundantly. You have soul in your,
you've made a short sale. When you just say,
I just want a husband. He says it's so much more.
So much more. There's a fullness that I'm going to bring to you.
He's using this process to get you there. And so welcome.
Welcome Joanne. We are well over time. I cannot take your question,
but I always like to hear from you, but we are well over time.
And I gotta be in the classroom in the morning. So it's not spring break.
So I can't hang out with y'all all night, but it was wonderful. Ladies.
I will post your activation on the board. Okay. Thank you.
Joanne for your grace. I appreciate it. And I will see you ladies next time.
Have a good night.
It was amazing.
Yay.
Good night.