WEBVTT

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All right, there we go, all right, we're recording, awesome.

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Welcome ladies, oh good, Kelly's here today as well, awesome.

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It is April 7th, I hope everybody had a really wonderful Resurrection Sunday, had a good

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Easter.

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I don't know about you all, but I did not do all of the things that I usually do with

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my family, all the Easter baskets, all the things, just did not have the energy this

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year, but honestly it was probably the most significant and fantastic Easter that we've

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actually had, and so it was really, really nice.

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Really got to just spend time with the kids and showing them, like, really what it's all

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about, so I hope you all got a very nice Easter as well.

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I got a couple questions, I'm guessing Kelly and Dana probably have questions, is that

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correct?

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Yes, awesome, okay, good, do me a favor, go ahead and type your questions in the chat,

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that way we at least get those started, if you have them, because I don't want to lose

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them.

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If for some reason you have to jump off before the teaching is over, I can then go and scroll

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up to the chat and grab your question, and I can answer it, and then you can watch and

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replay and I'll be able to answer it there, sound good?

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I'm going to go over some housekeeping stuff real quick, and then our teaching today is

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going to be, we're going to be, I mean, obviously we date differently, because we got out of

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heart work, right?

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All right, and some of us might not be quite ready to jump into dating yet, and that's

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fine, but one of the things that when you are ready to start jumping into dating is

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understanding what does it mean when we say, we want you to be God defended, like, what

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does that actually mean, like, okay, like, okay, Carla, I believe in God, I know God

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has good things for me, but what do you mean I'm showing up being self protected and self

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defended and not God defended, and so I really want us to spend some time really talking

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about what that looks like, how we might be operating in that self defense, why that's

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probably happening, because here's the thing, we've all done it, myself included, all right,

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so those of you that don't know me, do I have any new ladies on from, yes, Kathleen, this

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is your, like, first phase two, do I have anybody else that's brand new to phase two?

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Anybody?

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No?

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Okay, yes, awesome, well, welcome, if you're watching a replay, so glad to have you here

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with us, so yeah, we're moving out of phase one, we're into phase two, and we're like,

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okay, now we're doing this, like, discovery dating, okay, we're dating a little differently,

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what's that look like?

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So, yes, that is what we're going to be talking about today, so a couple housekeeping things,

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again, ladies, keep coming into the app, you all are doing a really awesome job of engaging,

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asking your questions, sharing your wins, you know, your ahas, your takeaways, what

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content you're watching from our training, so we have those five videos in the content

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portion, okay, so you're watching those, we're only doing one of those a week, plus these

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weekly calls here on Tuesday, so we've got a one o'clock call, an eight o'clock call,

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we've put those in replay as well, and then we hope that you are also watching Supernatural

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Saturday, and then, so those will be in the replay section, so we have replays and content,

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so you have your training content, your five videos with Jackie, and I think Renee's got

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a few in there, and then we have our replays, which is Supernatural Saturday, and then the

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live calls that myself and Ebony do at one and eight o'clock, and then occasionally,

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I think there's like one Sunday a month that gets recorded, so that will sometimes pop in

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there as well, so definitely make sure that you're checking that out, and then, ladies,

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don't forget that we have that resource tab, all sorts of things are under that resource tab,

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we have,

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you can sign up with an affiliate link.

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So if you love what we're doing here in the program

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and you think more people need to like need

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what we got here and it's doing something for you

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and so you wanna share it with your friends,

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any singles that you meet, any guys that you meet

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that are just not your guy,

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but you're like, maybe he's somebody else's guy.

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Like this is a really great Christian guy

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and he's just not my cup of tea.

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You know, he lives somewhere else or whatever.

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You can introduce them to Last Year Single

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and you can give them a link

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and you can actually get paid for signing them up.

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Okay, so that's under resource tab.

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If you want an extra boost of coaching,

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we do offer one-on-one coaching

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that is available for an additional fee.

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We have 60, not 60, 50 minute sessions that are available.

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Several of us coaches are on there

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and so you can click on our calendars

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and book some time with us

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if that is something that you just want

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some additional one-on-one coaching time.

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But the app is always there

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for y'all to ask your questions, all right?

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Don't wait till these Tuesdays

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to jump on and ask your questions.

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If you've got a question and it's Wednesday or Thursday,

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don't wait till Tuesday.

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Come in the app and say, hey coaches,

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hey Carla, hey Ebony, I need some help here.

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Or hey, God kind of highlighted this to me,

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can you share something about this?

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Or hey, I had this great win

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or this is something that I, share it with us, okay?

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Don't wait for the Tuesday call, okay?

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I don't know about y'all, but I have like hamsters

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and several different wheels in my head.

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And so I will sometimes forget things.

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So if it comes to you, put it in the app

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and then we'll respond there.

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Make sure that you are engaging

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with your sisters here in the community.

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We just ask that, wait for like no advice giving,

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let myself and Ebony kind of coach the ladies

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with the advice.

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But if something reminds you of something

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that you've experienced or you have some wisdom in an area,

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make a separate post and say, hey,

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I was thinking about this because someone had posted.

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And then you can process through what it was

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that you experienced, what God showed you.

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And then people can comment on that, okay?

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So it's a little bit of an encouragement that way, okay?

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So anyway, we will go ahead and get started.

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I'm gonna quickly pray us in

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and then we will get started on our teaching.

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I hope I will not run super, super long today

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so that we can get to all of your questions.

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Thank you, Kelly and Dana,

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for putting those questions in the chat.

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And then, yeah, so let's go ahead and pray.

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So Lord, I ask that you open our hearts today,

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that you reveal any fear-based vows

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that we may have made out of our hurts

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in ways that we've defended ourselves

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and the lies that we've agreed with.

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Lord, I ask that you teach us

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on how to step into your protection,

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your truth and your confidence

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as we prepare for the love that you have for us.

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We ask this in Jesus' name, amen.

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All right.

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Okay, so dating differently

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from self-defended to now God-defended.

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So we're gonna start breaking off these fear-based vows

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and we're gonna start letting God write our love story.

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Okay, hey, Sarah Schell, good to see you.

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Awesome to see you.

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I always love your background.

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She's got the beautiful clouds.

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All right, so what happens oftentimes

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is like many of us women,

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and I say many, because this was me,

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especially when we're in our seasons of singleness,

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we kind of walk in this self-defended mode.

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Okay, because we're single.

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We don't have a protecting over us, right?

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We kind of forget God is our defender, our protector.

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But when we're walking here on earth,

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we're kind of like, okay, well, I'm a single.

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I gotta defend myself, okay?

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And there's nothing wrong with that.

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And there's nothing wrong with us because of it,

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but the reason why that's happening

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is because some things typically happen to us, okay?

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We might've gotten in a relationship that, you know.

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created some sort of hurt. We may have had, you know, an absence of a parent not defending us,

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or maybe being the one that caused us harm. And so we kind of just go into this, like,

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we've got to protect ourselves. So we end up, like, building walls, we kind of create rules,

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we make these internal vows so that we don't have to feel that pain again.

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But today I want us to talk about what it would look like to move away from that self-defense

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and to move into what God-defended protection and supernatural surrender would look like.

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Okay? Sound good? All right, ladies, if you have any questions, go ahead and throw them in the

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chat, because then I can scroll up and I will go through and that's how I'll pull questions today.

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Okay? And then that way, if someone has to jump off, I'll have your question in the chat,

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and then when you watch the replay, I can always go and respond that way. So, all right. But yeah,

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ladies, this isn't just about dating. This is, you know, yes, we're in that dating phase,

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but this isn't just going to help you in dating. It is really about preparing your heart to carry

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the love that God has written for you. Okay? Not just in dating, but believe it or not,

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you're going to have to show up in the same way in marriage as well. Okay? So,

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you want to really be able to prepare yourself to be able to carry that

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so that you're going to be able to receive it well. Okay? So, self-defense is just going to

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be a natural response. So, when you've been hurt, you've been rejected, you've been disappointed,

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like your heart creates these strategies that are going to keep you safe. Okay?

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And one of the primary ways that it does that is through these like protective

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vows that we can sometimes make. And so, in dating, some of these common vows that we make,

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and I want you to just to go ahead and like give me a thumbs up or a head nod if you're like,

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yup, done that, done that. Or even share some of the vows that you've made in the chat.

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One of them, I'm never going to let that happen to me again.

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Have you ever made that vow? I'm not going to date a man who's in debt.

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Make a vow men can't be trusted.

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Men can't be trusted.

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Come on, I know some of you have said that one. I know I have.

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I definitely had like, oh, these men, they can't be trusted.

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All right. I'm not going to allow someone to deceive me again. So, I'm going to be a detective.

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How many of you are sitting there like Googling their name, looking at their socials,

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scrolling through? All right. Y'all, some of my past relationships were with people that

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struggled with like substance abuse and alcohol, drugs, that sort of thing. So, I definitely was

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very guarded with not wanting to date someone that struggled with addictions.

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And so, that was a big one. I would go and see. So, guys that had the photos of being at bars and

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stuff and like, no, wasn't going to do that. And like I said, there's nothing wrong with that.

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But what can happen is that we start like believing so many different things that we

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kind of get on guard a little bit where it can actually block some things that God really wants

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for us. Okay. And so, we're going to go into that a little bit more depth. Okay. So, these vows,

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they're going to feel wise, you know, and some of them are. Okay. And they're going to feel protective

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okay. I'm not saying like I should have been like, oh, it's okay. Like, I should go date someone who

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has a drug problem. Like, no. Obviously, I'm going to be mindful of that. Okay. But am I going to

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just go sit?

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be a detective about it.

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Like, no, that's not necessarily,

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like that's not being God-defended either, okay?

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And because some of these guys are gonna be responsible.

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But what can happen is when you experience

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an uncomfortable outcome,

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you actually don't slow down

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and ask yourself some really important questions.

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Okay, so I want you to think about these two questions.

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What decisions did I make that led to that outcome?

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And then what beliefs were those decisions rooted in?

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What happens is we put up these vows

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and we kind of skip the self-awareness part.

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And we kind of move straight into self-protection.

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The second question, Sarah Shell,

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is what beliefs were those decisions rooted in?

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Yeah, if somebody could write those questions in the chat,

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that would be helpful.

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And then did anybody see,

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I was a little late on the one from last week.

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I thought I had posted it and I realized I ended up posting

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I think yesterday or the day before.

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I did kind of just a brief like outline of the call

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last week and this week and I posted it

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and pinned it into the app.

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Are people finding that helpful?

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Kelly said yes, okay, thank you.

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Because I know a lot of people are like,

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if you're like me, I'm a note taker.

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Like usually when I'm on calls, even Supernatural Saturday,

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like I listen to Supernatural Saturday,

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y'all always have like my journal

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and I'm seriously like always writing things down

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with Supernatural Saturday, anything, I'm a note taker.

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So I like having those notes.

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I know not everybody can do that.

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They wanna be like present and focused.

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So if it helps you for me to have those for you,

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I'm definitely willing to do that

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and post those each week.

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So yeah, Sarah Shell got those two questions up there.

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So yeah, those questions are super important.

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Like you wanna be asking yourself

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in those types of situations, okay?

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You could even go back into some of your old past,

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you know, relationships or past situations that happened

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and you'd be like, where you've created those vows

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and you might even recognize that you're like,

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well, I never thought about my part in that.

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Not from a place of shame or guilt,

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but of reflection, of self-awareness.

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And that's where wisdom and discernment can come in

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and God can use those situations to teach us

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so that we don't enter into those things

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because our behaviors now become different.

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You know, we've talked a little bit last week

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and the week before,

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I think about how our behavior and identity are linked.

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Like behavior follows identity.

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So if you're recognizing you behave a certain way,

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it's probably linked to the belief system

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that you have about your identity.

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And so you're really gonna wanna do that.

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So again, you're taking the things

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that you've learned in heart work

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and now you're gonna be applying them

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as you step into the dating process and relation.

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And ladies, this doesn't just go with dating.

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This will go with relationships with people at work,

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family members, friends, neighbors.

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If you got kids,

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if you got young kids and they go to school,

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helps them with how they handle their friends.

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I just had a situation with another mother.

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At my son's school, y'all, she wrote me a manuscript about how I was completely out

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of line on something.

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I was just like, what is happening here?

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And I'm looking at this like, oh, she just hasn't done her heart work.

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And I'm sitting there reading all of it and I'm like, well, my old self, if I wanted to

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react and I wanted to kind of take on some of my old identities that I used to carry,

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I would have been right there defending myself and chiming in.

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Because it was all about religion, y'all.

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And everyone knows that I'm a believer.

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A lot of the parents at the school know I'm a dating coach for a Christian community.

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They know what I do.

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They know I'm typically the one that's like, okay, I'm going to come with solutions.

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I'm going to be respectful to everyone.

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And she was like ready to like, like she literally like came and started.

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And I'm like, oh my God, like, you can really start carrying some of that stuff.

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And so all this to say is like, we don't want to show up in this like, I've got to go defend

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myself.

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We want to really come and approach these things as, okay, I don't have to behave a

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certain way because that's not who I am.

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So if I am behaving a certain way, I want to reflect and see why that is so that I don't

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find myself into another pattern again.

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This is where we use our wisdom and our discernment from past things.

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Like I could have literally found myself in such a mess of some drama, y'all, and way

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back when I would have been that woman.

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And I know some of y'all know what I'm talking about.

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You know, us women can be very dramatic.

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There's that mean girl, the bickering and all that kind of stuff.

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Hey, no worries.

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No worries, Nancy.

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Totally fine.

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But yeah, so I really want you ladies to start thinking about that self-reflection piece.

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So when you start bringing in those vows and we protect ourselves, we forget the piece

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that we play in to it.

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And that's the part where we can actually do some reflection and gain some wisdom and

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spend some time with the Lord and the Lord can start revealing things to us.

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And so we can start seeing some of our own patterns and our own behaviors as opposed

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to us than just creating things to avoid, traits to eliminate, or patterns to control.

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I don't know about y'all, but I'm a closet, not actually a closet anymore.

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I've come out like I struggle with needing control of things.

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Okay.

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It's no secret.

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Jackie will tell you.

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Bethany will tell you.

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I'm a rule follower.

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Like I want everyone following rules.

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Okay.

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And we create these systems not because we're healed, but it's because we're trying not

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to feel that pain again.

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And again, there's nothing wrong with that.

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Like there's nothing wrong with not wanting to go through that pain again.

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And I believe God doesn't want us to go through that pain again, but God also doesn't want

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us to shut things out to the point that we're not reflecting and growing.

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So what feels like protection actually can become limitation.

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And these strategies actually, while they might guard your pain, they can actually sometimes

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block what God's best for you, believe it or not.

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Okay.

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So the difference between God-defended versus self-defended.

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So self-defended living, this is what this is going to look like.

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Okay.

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Self-defended living is rooted in fear, past hurt, and mistrust.

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It creates walls and rigid control.

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And it will react from past experiences.

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So now in dating, okay, so some of you that might be in dating now.

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being ready to start getting into dating. I want you to be thinking and being

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mindful of watching for these things while you date, because this is what it

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can look like. It can be you over analyzing everything, okay? What someone

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did, how they acted, what they're doing, like what if it like we all like that

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over analyzing, what did this mean, why did they do this, okay? Avoiding

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vulnerability, that's being self-defended. I'm not gonna open up and allow myself

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to be to be vulnerable at all, because when I'm vulnerable I get hurt, okay? Now

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ladies, that doesn't mean on a first, second, third date, you're telling them

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about your toxic, you know, ex-boyfriends and all the drama, okay?

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We're not doing that, we're not talking about that kind of vulnerability,

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alright? We're kind of keeping some of that stuff like, you know, we're doing

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some of the surface level stuff at the beginning, alright? We're not deep

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diving quite yet, okay? Follow us, Dating 101, alright? If you don't watch that

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video, definitely watch it, alright? But there's gonna be moments of like, you're

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gonna have to take some risks. You might have to open yourself up a little bit,

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you might have to say, you know what, I don't like... I'm trying to think of

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something. I don't like bowling, but you know what, I'm gonna try it anyway, and

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the reason I don't like bowling is because I always throw it in the gutter.

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Y'all, I really do. And I don't want this like, guy making fun of me. I don't want

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to be vulnerable in front of him. You see what a horrible bowler I am, but you know

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what, I'm gonna be a little vulnerable. I'm gonna be like, you know

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what, bowling's not my thing, but I'm gonna let you see a side of me that I

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don't let a lot of people see. So I'm gonna let you take me bowling, okay?

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Second date with my husband, I let him see how competitive I was. He took me to

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an arcade and I was like, alright, we're like, this man needs to know, one, I'm a

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baseball mom. My son was seven at the time, he's ten now. I was like, I'm that mom in

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the stands. I mean, I'm yelling, I'm hollering, there's bad calls, I'm probably

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having somebody tell me, Carla, sit down. Don't make the umpire mad.

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So I'm like, okay, if this guy is gonna take me on a date and we're gonna see if

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this is like, gonna progress anything, he's gonna need to see that I'm competitive.

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And so, went to the arcade and I was like, it's on. Alright, that's a little

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vulnerable. Not everybody likes somebody that's competitive. But I was like, you

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know what? I'm gonna be myself. I'm not gonna not show up and be like, oh, well

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maybe he maybe he doesn't like competitiveness and I'm just, no. He

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needed to see it. And fun fact is, he's competitive too and he's a

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sore loser. Luckily, he's not in the house today. So yeah, so that's how that

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can show up. It could be disqualifying quickly. Like, you might disqualify

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yourself quickly or you might disqualify somebody else in dating. Oh, that person's

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not gonna like me because da-da-da-da-da. Or, you know what? Mmm, you know, he

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that he doesn't go to church on Sundays.

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What? Okay, he didn't doesn't go to church on Sundays. But what if he has a job and

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he's not able to? But what if he goes to church on Saturday nights? I don't know. I

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mean, you never know. Like, some people are in transition from one church to the

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next. Like, we're not

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to sit up and put up these walls and these like not not doing something well

375
00:30:05.120 --> 00:30:10.240
I'm not gonna get in a relationship with it's not a believer in Jesus so I'm not

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gonna date anybody that doesn't go to church each week because they have to

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love Jesus

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so I've done that

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y'all and then the person that I did that that I thought okay I'm only gonna

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00:30:30.440 --> 00:30:36.880
date someone who loves Jesus was my son's biological father and he went to

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church every Sunday but guess what he was not he did not have a very close

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relationship with the Lord all right my son still asked me he's like mom does

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my dad love God honey that's a question you're gonna have to ask your father

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like those types of things like we we can actually end up guarding ourselves

385
00:31:00.240 --> 00:31:05.400
so another thing that it can look like in dating it's leading with suspicion

386
00:31:05.400 --> 00:31:12.800
instead of curiosity you're gonna get suspicious you're not gonna be curious

387
00:31:12.800 --> 00:31:19.560
curiosity is going to lead to questions suspicion is you're gonna hide the fact

388
00:31:19.560 --> 00:31:24.800
that you're trying to find something out curiosity is you're just gonna be

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00:31:24.800 --> 00:31:36.120
like hey I was thinking um so is there a reason why you Sundays don't work for

390
00:31:36.120 --> 00:31:44.320
you to go to church is there a reason for that oh it's because you're looking

391
00:31:44.320 --> 00:31:47.680
for a church oh okay cool

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you see what I'm saying like we're leading with curiosity we're not sitting

393
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there going to scroll through his socials like oh on Sunday he was at a

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football game he wasn't at church I don't know okay so we're not if you are

395
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showing up being more suspicious and not unless curious okay those are signs

396
00:32:14.360 --> 00:32:23.560
that you're being self-defended okay any questions but I'm in the chat all right

397
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and we can know if you have more that you want to impact or if you're not sure

398
00:32:26.680 --> 00:32:33.320
like hey I do this is this me being self self-defended or not then we can go go

399
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there too now God defended living this is what this is gonna look like right

400
00:32:37.520 --> 00:32:43.360
it's gonna be anchored in trust in God's protection it's gonna hold healthy

401
00:32:43.360 --> 00:32:53.240
boundaries without fear and it responds from truth instead of reaction

402
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Kathleen that is a good question I do want to get to that one because I was a

403
00:32:59.760 --> 00:33:06.640
single mama too so we're gonna we're gonna get to that too because I want to

404
00:33:06.640 --> 00:33:11.680
talk to you about this wasting time thing because that's another mindset too

405
00:33:11.680 --> 00:33:18.080
that we're gonna we're gonna unpack as well okay and then yeah like if you're a

406
00:33:18.080 --> 00:33:25.000
single mom there is a little bit of a well I have to be self-defended and

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00:33:25.000 --> 00:33:30.840
protect because we are we are protecting our children they can't

408
00:33:30.840 --> 00:33:34.600
always protect themselves so the people that we're inviting in we are gonna have

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00:33:34.600 --> 00:33:42.880
to make sure that they're safe okay but again we got to remember God is not just

410
00:33:42.880 --> 00:33:51.520
protecting me he's also protecting my son by giving me wisdom and allowing me

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to look at my behaviors and my patterns and allowing me to lead with curiosity

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allowing me to be you know not to overanalyze things but to to ask more

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questions to allow me to feel safe I can be vulnerable about this but I'm not

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00:34:11.920 --> 00:34:18.560
going to be overly vulnerable here like I can partner and align with God in

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those things and if I'm doing that then guess what I will naturally be

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protecting my child okay so if you're God defended this is what it will look

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like in dating it's going on a date with curiosity and discernment you're curious

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00:34:38.040 --> 00:34:45.199
you want to get to know you you're you want to understand why they do what they

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00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:50.400
do or why they show up the way that they show up

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especially if there's some yellow flags

421
00:34:58.120 --> 00:35:01.960
first I want you to check

422
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:08.640
okay, is this a flag because I'm fearful of this happening? How can I release the

423
00:35:08.640 --> 00:35:14.360
fear and be more curious about this and approach it so it doesn't, so I can ask

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a question without it seem like it's an interrogation.

425
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It's staying emotionally open while grounded.

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Being able, like you're grounded in who you are and your identity and just

427
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because someone responds a certain way, you are grounded enough that your

428
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emotions do not have to drive you. Y'all, this is something that I did

429
00:35:49.080 --> 00:35:55.560
not realize I had to work on until I got married.

430
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Y'all, I've been married like two and a half years and I used to, I think I

431
00:36:02.360 --> 00:36:07.600
shared this on last week's call or a week before that, used to drive me nuts.

432
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My husband has this saying, he's like, feelings are fleeting. It just drove me

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nuts. Like, I'm a highly sensitive person. I'm a feeler. I'm an

434
00:36:22.760 --> 00:36:32.160
empath. Like, I'm driven on emotion, y'all. I have big emotions. I have big feelings.

435
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So, my husband says that. I'm like,

436
00:36:38.680 --> 00:36:45.840
but I'm learning. I'm like, oh my gosh, I get what he means. Sometimes my emotions

437
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can feel so big that my behavior does not show up grounded at all. I'm like, oh

438
00:36:56.000 --> 00:37:03.400
that's what he means. I can still feel hurt by something, but it doesn't mean I

439
00:37:03.400 --> 00:37:10.080
have to show up in a certain way that I have to go defend myself. I can put up a

440
00:37:10.080 --> 00:37:17.200
healthy boundary and respond and say, hey, I know that you love and care about me

441
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and when something like, when I did this and this happened, that was really

442
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hurtful because I felt dismissed. I know that you care about me, but I don't like

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00:37:32.160 --> 00:37:36.880
feeling like I'm not being listened to.

444
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Instead of having to like blow up and being like, I can't believe like you, I

445
00:37:43.560 --> 00:37:53.840
mean, y'all, I can get some pretty big emotions. And so, going into another

446
00:37:53.840 --> 00:37:58.600
way that this can look like in dating is responding intentionally without

447
00:37:58.600 --> 00:38:01.440
reacting.

448
00:38:02.280 --> 00:38:08.800
Like there's intention to your response. Like what are you, what are you trying to

449
00:38:08.800 --> 00:38:16.400
solve? Are you trying to show up with that heart that of who God says you are?

450
00:38:16.400 --> 00:38:22.400
And honoring and respecting who you are, honoring, respecting God, and then you're

451
00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:28.200
honoring and respecting that person. And just because you do that doesn't mean

452
00:38:28.200 --> 00:38:32.600
that they're gonna show up that way. Guess what? That's gonna be your response.

453
00:38:32.600 --> 00:38:38.240
Like that's gonna be your answer. That's gonna be God defending you. Because

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ladies, if you respond intentionally instead of react, guess what? And then

455
00:38:46.200 --> 00:38:52.560
they react. Y'all, you might see that yellow flag turn red real quick. And there

456
00:38:52.560 --> 00:39:01.680
you go, you got your red flag. Hey, thanks for the time. I really appreciate the

457
00:39:01.680 --> 00:39:06.440
date we went on. I wish you the best of luck, but I don't see this moving in a

458
00:39:06.440 --> 00:39:15.600
forward direction. Bye. You don't have to get worked up. But do you see if you kind

459
00:39:15.600 --> 00:39:22.320
of start accusing somebody of something? Start like, you know, pointing blame or

460
00:39:22.320 --> 00:39:28.840
oh well, you know, you did this and did it. Y'all, I can tell you, I have probably all

461
00:39:28.840 --> 00:39:33.280
the stories of the things that I used to do. And still sometimes do. Sometimes my

462
00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:42.920
husband is like, what? That's not what I was doing. And he's just like, what are

463
00:39:42.920 --> 00:39:49.000
you talking about? And so I can show up in this like reactionary and then guess

464
00:39:49.000 --> 00:39:56.240
what? If that person gets defensive or reactionary to me, guess what? Some of,

465
00:39:56.240 --> 00:40:01.960
like, sometimes my husband has a pretty darn good reason.

466
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.400
reason to get defensive with me because I haven't been very pleasant myself.

467
00:40:06.400 --> 00:40:10.320
It would only be human nature to respond in that way.

468
00:40:10.320 --> 00:40:14.200
Or have you ever had somebody respond to you like that?

469
00:40:14.200 --> 00:40:20.000
You know, mom, she was like this, this the other day, she was like, y'all, she was like

470
00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:23.060
coming at me.

471
00:40:23.060 --> 00:40:29.320
And I was like, you didn't have to get all preachy and I'm like, they didn't ask for

472
00:40:29.320 --> 00:40:30.320
your advice.

473
00:40:30.320 --> 00:40:36.600
And I'm like, well, I, but this is a chat.

474
00:40:36.600 --> 00:40:37.600
It's an open forum.

475
00:40:37.600 --> 00:40:41.780
Like it was, it was, I mean, y'all, it was, it was, it was comical.

476
00:40:41.780 --> 00:40:47.960
And I'm like, I could have went into defense mode because the way she showed up, I mean,

477
00:40:47.960 --> 00:40:54.640
I let my, I let my 14 year old daughter read it because I'm trying to teach her on how

478
00:40:54.920 --> 00:41:02.120
she responds to people and how she can like show up and you know, your choices and behaviors

479
00:41:02.120 --> 00:41:09.160
have outcomes and how you show up real, like is your choice.

480
00:41:09.160 --> 00:41:11.720
Your choice will have an outcome.

481
00:41:11.720 --> 00:41:18.160
And uh, I, I let her read it and she's like, mom, you should have done it.

482
00:41:19.160 --> 00:41:21.480
And I was like, oh, trust me.

483
00:41:21.480 --> 00:41:26.280
My flesh wanted, my flesh wanted to say a few things.

484
00:41:26.280 --> 00:41:34.120
I said, but I was like, God checked me and I was like, it wouldn't have solved anything.

485
00:41:34.120 --> 00:41:38.720
And I'm like, and deep down, I really do enjoy that mother.

486
00:41:38.720 --> 00:41:40.400
I think she is a lovely woman.

487
00:41:40.400 --> 00:41:41.840
I think she loves her kids.

488
00:41:41.840 --> 00:41:45.960
Like I think she is a very joyful person.

489
00:41:45.960 --> 00:41:47.760
Do we have the same beliefs?

490
00:41:47.800 --> 00:41:49.520
No, and that's okay.

491
00:41:50.800 --> 00:42:01.680
But if I'm someone who's supposed to be a Christian, wouldn't I want to be an example

492
00:42:01.680 --> 00:42:03.200
of what that looks like?

493
00:42:05.520 --> 00:42:10.760
I was like, I don't want to, I don't want to react to her.

494
00:42:13.040 --> 00:42:17.400
And so it literally, I was like, I was like, I don't, I don't have to respond like this.

495
00:42:17.840 --> 00:42:23.720
But trust me, like we can, like I, I, I, and I, y'all, I would have, it would have been

496
00:42:23.720 --> 00:42:24.520
very, very valid.

497
00:42:24.520 --> 00:42:32.080
Some of the things that she presented, there would have been some validity to me

498
00:42:32.080 --> 00:42:37.640
responding the way I wanted to, but I just didn't need to.

499
00:42:39.800 --> 00:42:43.760
So those are things to be looking at.

500
00:42:43.760 --> 00:42:55.960
So your core question is, am I operating in fear or is it from the trust I have in God?

501
00:43:00.880 --> 00:43:07.560
Practice being God defended, it builds your capacity to carry healthy love later.

502
00:43:07.560 --> 00:43:12.000
Because again, ladies, you're going to have to do that in marriage and those ladies have,

503
00:43:12.000 --> 00:43:20.280
you've been married before, you, you understand that this is not just to enter into a

504
00:43:20.280 --> 00:43:26.040
relationship, it's to be able to sustain a relationship because ladies, let me tell you,

505
00:43:26.040 --> 00:43:50.360
especially if you get in marriage with someone that is God's spirit mate for you and it's kingdom and you're in alignment with God, y'all, the enemy is going to, it isn't going to like it.

506
00:43:51.200 --> 00:43:52.160
It's just truth.

507
00:43:55.280 --> 00:43:57.880
They always say, Oh, like your first couple of years of marriage are the hardest.

508
00:43:57.880 --> 00:44:02.120
I'm y'all, I'm, I'm literally in the first couple of years of marriage.

509
00:44:03.200 --> 00:44:05.920
It is not easy.

510
00:44:06.800 --> 00:44:07.400
It isn't.

511
00:44:08.960 --> 00:44:11.280
You have to be able to sustain it.

512
00:44:11.520 --> 00:44:14.560
You want to build these tools now.

513
00:44:14.560 --> 00:44:24.640
So that when you do enter into this covenant, that's of God and the enemy is going to be like, I don't like that.

514
00:44:25.520 --> 00:44:31.480
You are going to want to be grounded in God's defense and not your own.

515
00:44:32.120 --> 00:44:34.000
You can't fight the enemy by yourself.

516
00:44:34.040 --> 00:44:34.960
You really can't.

517
00:44:37.480 --> 00:44:37.960
Okay.

518
00:44:38.280 --> 00:44:41.720
So breaking these protective vows and doing the heart work.

519
00:44:42.320 --> 00:44:47.880
So a lot of the women, a lot of us women, myself included, would say, Oh, I'm never going to let that happen again.

520
00:44:48.360 --> 00:44:52.960
And so that statements that God is going to be like, Oh, but I'm going to do what I'm going to do.

521
00:44:53.640 --> 00:44:55.760
I'm going to do what I'm going to do.

522
00:44:55.760 --> 00:44:59.360
And so a lot of the women, a lot of the women, myself included, would say, Oh, I'm never going to let that happen again.

523
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.240
It's not rooted in any healing, it's just rooted in like,

524
00:45:03.240 --> 00:45:06.120
I don't want to have to have that happen to me again.

525
00:45:06.120 --> 00:45:07.520
It's rooted in fear.

526
00:45:07.520 --> 00:45:08.780
I want to be able to control my future.

527
00:45:08.780 --> 00:45:11.160
I don't want to have to go through that again.

528
00:45:11.160 --> 00:45:15.000
And so the real issue isn't about the outcome,

529
00:45:15.000 --> 00:45:17.080
it's the belief that's underneath it.

530
00:45:18.480 --> 00:45:19.920
So instead of asking like,

531
00:45:19.920 --> 00:45:23.720
how do I avoid this happening again?

532
00:45:23.720 --> 00:45:26.080
You're gonna ask yourself a different question.

533
00:45:27.080 --> 00:45:30.480
You're gonna ask, you know,

534
00:45:30.480 --> 00:45:32.540
what was I believing about myself then?

535
00:45:34.540 --> 00:45:36.960
What was I believing about that other person?

536
00:45:38.920 --> 00:45:40.840
What was I believing about God?

537
00:45:41.720 --> 00:45:44.100
What was I believing about love in general?

538
00:45:46.000 --> 00:45:48.500
Was there anything that I was believing

539
00:45:48.500 --> 00:45:53.500
in any of those things that wasn't rooted in God's truth?

540
00:45:54.500 --> 00:45:57.460
Because those beliefs are gonna shape your decisions.

541
00:45:57.460 --> 00:45:59.860
Because again, what you believe you become

542
00:45:59.860 --> 00:46:01.380
and what you become, you attract.

543
00:46:01.380 --> 00:46:03.220
Your beliefs will shape your identity

544
00:46:03.220 --> 00:46:06.460
and your identity will then come out in your actions.

545
00:46:07.580 --> 00:46:09.200
Behavior follows identity.

546
00:46:11.460 --> 00:46:14.860
So those decisions are gonna shape what your outcomes are.

547
00:46:15.980 --> 00:46:17.540
So you need to ask yourself,

548
00:46:17.540 --> 00:46:21.100
is this vow protecting me or is it gonna keep me stuck?

549
00:46:22.100 --> 00:46:25.260
And does it align with truth or does it align with fear?

550
00:46:28.260 --> 00:46:31.180
Y'all, I had non-negotiables.

551
00:46:33.380 --> 00:46:35.740
You know, Jackie walked us through like

552
00:46:35.740 --> 00:46:38.100
non-negotiables from heaven, okay?

553
00:46:38.100 --> 00:46:40.740
I was like, obviously, gotta love Jesus.

554
00:46:40.740 --> 00:46:41.700
That's a non-negotiable,

555
00:46:41.700 --> 00:46:44.620
that should be on everybody's non-negotiable, okay?

556
00:46:44.620 --> 00:46:47.220
I was able to kind of release that one to have,

557
00:46:47.220 --> 00:46:48.060
I'd like, okay, God,

558
00:46:48.060 --> 00:46:50.100
you're gonna show me what that looks like.

559
00:46:51.500 --> 00:46:54.140
I didn't have to interrogate anybody

560
00:46:54.140 --> 00:46:58.220
to know that they had a relationship with the Lord

561
00:46:58.220 --> 00:47:00.140
because I honestly didn't trust myself in that area

562
00:47:00.140 --> 00:47:02.460
because my son's biological father,

563
00:47:02.460 --> 00:47:05.740
I thought, was a believer in Jesus

564
00:47:05.740 --> 00:47:10.740
and it was very clear further down the road

565
00:47:11.060 --> 00:47:12.500
that was not the case.

566
00:47:12.500 --> 00:47:13.700
So I was kind of like, you know what?

567
00:47:13.700 --> 00:47:15.580
Anybody can fool me with that.

568
00:47:15.580 --> 00:47:18.020
So I'm just gonna need God to show me

569
00:47:18.020 --> 00:47:20.100
that they have a relationship with Jesus.

570
00:47:20.100 --> 00:47:21.860
So I wasn't even gonna ask the question

571
00:47:21.860 --> 00:47:23.540
because you can ask a question,

572
00:47:23.540 --> 00:47:25.180
you can ask someone to give you like,

573
00:47:25.180 --> 00:47:26.300
oh, what do you, you know,

574
00:47:26.300 --> 00:47:28.780
and they can give you a fluffy answer.

575
00:47:31.460 --> 00:47:34.900
And I was like, I'm just gonna watch for it.

576
00:47:34.900 --> 00:47:36.940
I'm just gonna see, I'm gonna see it

577
00:47:36.940 --> 00:47:39.180
because then Jackie was even, you know,

578
00:47:39.180 --> 00:47:43.540
she taught on don't be a gift inspector,

579
00:47:43.540 --> 00:47:45.060
be a fruit inspector.

580
00:47:46.860 --> 00:47:48.180
Look for the fruit.

581
00:47:48.180 --> 00:47:49.020
Are they kind?

582
00:47:49.020 --> 00:47:49.860
Do they have joy?

583
00:47:50.500 --> 00:47:51.340
Do they have peace?

584
00:47:51.340 --> 00:47:52.180
Are they patient with people?

585
00:47:52.180 --> 00:47:53.020
Do they have some self-control?

586
00:47:53.020 --> 00:47:55.620
Like looking at their life,

587
00:47:55.620 --> 00:47:58.140
do they show those qualities?

588
00:47:58.140 --> 00:48:01.540
And you're not gonna see those in one date or two dates.

589
00:48:01.540 --> 00:48:02.940
You're gonna see that over time

590
00:48:02.940 --> 00:48:05.540
after you've spent some time getting to know them,

591
00:48:05.540 --> 00:48:07.260
having interaction with them.

592
00:48:10.100 --> 00:48:11.020
So,

593
00:48:15.860 --> 00:48:17.500
you wanna make sure that

594
00:48:20.100 --> 00:48:24.580
you are aligning with truth and not fear.

595
00:48:25.900 --> 00:48:28.780
So an old, like an example of this transformation

596
00:48:28.780 --> 00:48:33.420
would be like an old vow of I can't trust men, okay?

597
00:48:33.420 --> 00:48:34.260
I'm gonna use that one

598
00:48:34.260 --> 00:48:35.700
because I feel like a lot of us

599
00:48:35.700 --> 00:48:36.940
probably have used that before.

600
00:48:36.940 --> 00:48:39.180
I know myself included.

601
00:48:40.060 --> 00:48:42.220
So our old vow is like, I can't trust men.

602
00:48:44.220 --> 00:48:46.780
Like I can't trust what they're gonna say, okay?

603
00:48:46.820 --> 00:48:51.260
My son's biological father told me he loved Jesus.

604
00:48:51.260 --> 00:48:54.540
Can't trust him because he clearly didn't.

605
00:48:55.900 --> 00:48:57.620
There's a lot of things that he did that showed me,

606
00:48:57.620 --> 00:49:00.380
you know, that he didn't love Jesus.

607
00:49:00.380 --> 00:49:01.980
So I'm just not gonna trust men.

608
00:49:04.500 --> 00:49:07.580
But the new truth is God is my protector.

609
00:49:07.580 --> 00:49:10.140
I can walk in wisdom, discernment,

610
00:49:10.140 --> 00:49:12.500
and trust without closing my heart.

611
00:49:13.500 --> 00:49:16.260
So that non-negotiable was easy for me.

612
00:49:18.580 --> 00:49:20.540
I was like, God's just gonna show me.

613
00:49:21.540 --> 00:49:22.940
I can be open to this.

614
00:49:22.940 --> 00:49:23.940
I can be wise.

615
00:49:23.940 --> 00:49:24.780
I can all that.

616
00:49:24.780 --> 00:49:28.420
Now, some areas where my non-negotiables were,

617
00:49:31.060 --> 00:49:32.700
they had to be willing to move to Florida

618
00:49:32.700 --> 00:49:33.900
because I wasn't moving.

619
00:49:36.900 --> 00:49:38.540
Sarah Shelshing knows what that is.

620
00:49:39.340 --> 00:49:41.220
Sarah Shelshing knows what that is.

621
00:49:45.140 --> 00:49:47.300
But Sarah, you do know I moved.

622
00:49:50.100 --> 00:49:51.740
I did, I moved.

623
00:49:56.100 --> 00:49:58.340
What was my other non-negotiable?

624
00:49:58.340 --> 00:50:00.260
Oh, I wanted a house.

625
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:10.200
another baby. I believed God told me I was gonna have more kids. I just, when God

626
00:50:10.200 --> 00:50:18.860
told me that, I envisioned it the way that I wanted to envision it. I put it in

627
00:50:18.860 --> 00:50:25.300
my, like with my abilities and my capacity, like okay if I'm gonna have

628
00:50:25.300 --> 00:50:28.500
more kids this is what I got to do. I'm gonna have to actually birth another

629
00:50:28.500 --> 00:50:35.220
child. Like that's how you have children, right?

630
00:50:35.220 --> 00:50:40.740
And you know I dated guys and guys that like would tell me, oh like I've had a

631
00:50:40.740 --> 00:50:47.900
vasectomy, I can't, like I'm like well then you must not be it. Next. Like oh I'm

632
00:50:47.900 --> 00:50:53.460
not moving to Florida, okay next. You don't look close, oh yeah next.

633
00:50:53.460 --> 00:50:58.100
And so I did this for like, y'all I was in this community for two years and

634
00:50:58.100 --> 00:51:04.580
these were my non-negotiables. And finally I was just so fed up. I had like,

635
00:51:04.580 --> 00:51:11.980
I was like Jackie I'm just done. I'm done with this. And she's like, Karla, like she

636
00:51:11.980 --> 00:51:16.500
was just having me release the like moving part. And I'm like, well gosh

637
00:51:16.500 --> 00:51:25.700
she's gonna have to do something crazy. And literally a week later, one of the

638
00:51:25.700 --> 00:51:31.220
women in the community showed me my husband's like profile thing from a

639
00:51:31.220 --> 00:51:39.620
Facebook singles Christian group that I wasn't even in. And I was like, yeah okay.

640
00:51:39.620 --> 00:51:48.100
And so he ended up messaging me. We all thought he lived in Florida. No, he lived

641
00:51:48.100 --> 00:51:52.900
in Texas. And so when he told me that, I had already had a conversation with

642
00:51:52.900 --> 00:51:58.900
Jackie. And Jackie's like, well I'll just be open to like dating

643
00:51:58.900 --> 00:52:04.820
outside of the Sarasota area, Florida. And I'm like, okay well whatever. And so when

644
00:52:04.820 --> 00:52:13.660
he said that, I'm like, well I'm just gonna have to be open to this. And then we

645
00:52:13.660 --> 00:52:20.020
dated a little bit and then he's like, oh I can't have more kids. And in the back

646
00:52:20.020 --> 00:52:23.580
of my head I'm thinking, well those things can be reversed. But when I went

647
00:52:23.580 --> 00:52:31.020
to God and I went and I and I asked that to God. I'm like, okay God like you can

648
00:52:31.020 --> 00:52:37.980
change the heart of a guy to do that right? And he's like, well yeah Karla but

649
00:52:37.980 --> 00:52:44.500
you need to go and evaluate what it is that I told you. He's like, I said you

650
00:52:44.500 --> 00:52:49.380
were gonna have more children but I never said you were gonna birth them.

651
00:52:49.380 --> 00:52:59.260
And I was like, what? My husband had two children. I was gonna have more children.

652
00:52:59.260 --> 00:53:05.220
And their mother had passed. They didn't have an earthly mother anymore. She went

653
00:53:05.220 --> 00:53:15.460
to be with Jesus. So I was just like, oh that's what that means. Oh okay. All right

654
00:53:15.460 --> 00:53:21.580
God. So like I put these vows up like and the reason that I had that vow was

655
00:53:21.580 --> 00:53:27.700
because my first pregnancy with my biological son was not a great

656
00:53:27.700 --> 00:53:34.980
experience. Because his dad just just just didn't treat me well at all. And so

657
00:53:34.980 --> 00:53:40.780
I was I I felt like I was I missed out on something and I just wanted to get

658
00:53:40.780 --> 00:53:46.940
what I thought I missed out on. That it was gonna make up for the pain that I

659
00:53:46.940 --> 00:53:53.060
had experienced through my first pregnancy. And so I didn't want to have

660
00:53:53.060 --> 00:53:59.940
that pain be the only experience that I had when it comes with kids. And being

661
00:53:59.940 --> 00:54:09.580
you know having kids. And God's like, Carla like you can redeem any story. Like

662
00:54:09.580 --> 00:54:18.340
what are you doing here? Okay so those are things that I want you to be

663
00:54:18.340 --> 00:54:25.540
thinking about. So again it's that your new truth. Okay really really opening it

664
00:54:25.540 --> 00:54:31.220
up with what God what you can trust God with.

665
00:54:31.460 --> 00:54:35.900
So some activations that you can do. You can journal what your vows are. We should

666
00:54:35.900 --> 00:54:43.020
be thinking about this. Journal your vows. Ask God to reveal the root beliefs.

667
00:54:43.020 --> 00:54:48.420
Release the fear-based agreements that you've made with them. And then replace

668
00:54:48.420 --> 00:54:55.860
those with truth. And then ladies I really want you to make sure that you

669
00:54:55.860 --> 00:55:01.060
watch. I was gonna go I I don't want to cut this a little bit short.

670
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.360
I tied a little bit in to kind of go along with what Jackie shared on Supernatural Saturday,

671
00:55:06.080 --> 00:55:10.720
but some of you might not have watched that yet, so why don't you go ahead and watch Jackie's

672
00:55:10.720 --> 00:55:23.760
Supernatural Saturday, because I think that will tie in a lot with what we're talking about today.

673
00:55:23.760 --> 00:55:33.840
Um, but now the last part, let's practice what God-defended living can look like daily,

674
00:55:34.400 --> 00:55:42.160
okay? Because it's one thing to, um, Susan, I'm not sure what you're wanting me to repeat. I'm

675
00:55:42.160 --> 00:55:47.280
talking about Jackie's Supernatural Saturday. I was going to tie in some stuff with what we're

676
00:55:47.280 --> 00:55:56.160
teaching today on being God-defended. Oh, your, okay, so yeah, your activation stuff, yes. Um,

677
00:55:56.880 --> 00:56:05.280
that's what you can do is, okay, journal what your, what, have you made any vows about dating?

678
00:56:08.800 --> 00:56:14.240
Like, what you're, like, oh, I'm not going to let that happen again, or, you know, I'm not going to

679
00:56:14.240 --> 00:56:20.080
date a man in debt. I'm not going to date someone, you know, what are those? I'm not going to date

680
00:56:20.080 --> 00:56:26.480
someone that doesn't want to have kids, whatever that looks like. Mine was like, oh, they need to,

681
00:56:26.480 --> 00:56:33.280
they need to have, want more children, and, and, and, um, they need to be willing to move.

682
00:56:35.840 --> 00:56:39.040
Now, my husband was willing to have more children because I came with a child,

683
00:56:39.520 --> 00:56:45.840
but it didn't, when I heard that, I thought, well, this means I have to actually give birth to a

684
00:56:45.840 --> 00:56:54.800
child, and God was like, that's not what I said to you. I was like, oh, okay, so not all our vows are

685
00:56:56.080 --> 00:57:07.120
not wise vows. We just need to be assessing what are the root beliefs as to why we made that vow.

686
00:57:09.520 --> 00:57:13.120
So, that's the second thing, like, ask God to reveal the root beliefs.

687
00:57:16.240 --> 00:57:26.240
I want you looking, are there any fear-based agreements that you need to release with that vow?

688
00:57:28.880 --> 00:57:36.480
So, my fear with the whole pregnancy was I wasn't going to get this, I didn't get the

689
00:57:37.200 --> 00:57:44.480
picture-perfect fairy tale, um, pregnancy experience with a loving partner,

690
00:57:46.880 --> 00:57:52.080
and I thought I was missing out on something, and this fear, like,

691
00:57:54.240 --> 00:58:01.440
I was less than, or, like, I was less of a mother or something because I didn't have that.

692
00:58:02.320 --> 00:58:11.040
That was just a lie. Like, it didn't, it didn't mean that I wasn't any closer to my birth, you

693
00:58:11.040 --> 00:58:17.680
know, my biological child because it didn't look a certain way, and it also doesn't mean that I

694
00:58:17.680 --> 00:58:23.040
can't have a close relationship with my bonus children because I didn't birth them at all.

695
00:58:25.680 --> 00:58:30.320
So, this fear of, like, not being able to have a close relationship with the child because

696
00:58:30.400 --> 00:58:41.680
the pregnancy didn't look a certain way, like, I got to let go of that, that fear, and that agreement,

697
00:58:43.280 --> 00:58:46.320
and then I replaced it with the truth, which God was like,

698
00:58:48.320 --> 00:58:54.240
you're called to be a mother. I mean, look, y'all, I mean, I remember even God showed me

699
00:58:54.400 --> 00:59:00.240
God showed me early on in my singleness because, again, I don't know if anybody, I don't know if

700
00:59:00.240 --> 00:59:08.320
I've shared this, um, my son's dad left me when I was seven months pregnant, and so

701
00:59:10.400 --> 00:59:13.040
I just remember thinking, like, he was going to be without something,

702
00:59:14.000 --> 00:59:21.120
like, his dad really was not going to be really present, and God showed me, he's like, Carla,

703
00:59:21.840 --> 00:59:32.800
Jesus' earthly father wasn't really his biological father, like, whoever is going to come into your

704
00:59:32.800 --> 00:59:40.080
life, and be your husband, and is going to be the person that's going to step into that role,

705
00:59:41.040 --> 00:59:51.040
that's okay, because Joseph wasn't biologically Jesus' father, but he loved him just the same,

706
00:59:53.840 --> 00:59:55.440
and so I was like,

707
00:59:58.480 --> 01:00:05.520
I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

708
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:08.160
well then that's true of any of us. So that's the truth that I started

709
01:00:08.160 --> 01:00:15.880
receiving. Anytime that lie wanted to trickle in, I had to go back to that but

710
01:00:15.880 --> 01:00:23.840
like that truth. Because God gives us that evidence. He gives us his word. And so

711
01:00:23.840 --> 01:00:30.520
we've got to be able to go back to that truth. Okay, Susan hopefully that covered

712
01:00:30.520 --> 01:00:39.920
all of that. So the daily, daily living in this posture of being God-defended.

713
01:00:39.920 --> 01:00:45.000
You know having a daily prayer like just Lord surrender my fear, my

714
01:00:45.000 --> 01:00:51.120
self-protection, and any of my vows to you and lean me in your truth today. Just

715
01:00:51.120 --> 01:00:58.560
wake up every day like God just just surrender those things to him. Okay, when

716
01:00:58.560 --> 01:01:03.480
you're in the moment of whatever it is that you're you know that's heightened

717
01:01:03.480 --> 01:01:08.220
whatever that that experience. I want you asking yourself in that moment am I

718
01:01:08.220 --> 01:01:14.080
reacting from fear or am I responding in alignment?

719
01:01:16.400 --> 01:01:20.680
Y'all I had to check myself when that mom was sending me messages. I mean my

720
01:01:20.720 --> 01:01:26.120
husband had to look like are you in your head about that? And I really wasn't in

721
01:01:26.120 --> 01:01:30.600
my head like I was in my head about it but in a positive place because I was

722
01:01:30.600 --> 01:01:36.680
telling like I was speaking God's alignment in me.

723
01:01:36.680 --> 01:01:46.180
Like I was in that moment but I was like I'm in it but I'm reflecting on am I

724
01:01:46.180 --> 01:01:49.920
responding out of fear or am I responding in alignment? Is this truth

725
01:01:49.920 --> 01:01:59.680
or fear? Which one is it? Now after the interaction okay so maybe maybe you

726
01:01:59.680 --> 01:02:04.720
don't even recognize when you're in it. Okay, maybe the emotions like again if

727
01:02:04.720 --> 01:02:08.880
you're like highly emotional like me like sometimes you go zero to a hundred

728
01:02:08.880 --> 01:02:14.100
so quick and you don't even realize it. You could just start reacting so you're

729
01:02:14.100 --> 01:02:19.400
laughing because she like it too. She's a highly sensitive person too. She

730
01:02:19.400 --> 01:02:30.080
knows. My emotional empath girls y'all know and we sometimes don't realize it

731
01:02:30.080 --> 01:02:38.720
until after and then then we're really emotional after that right? And then

732
01:02:38.720 --> 01:02:44.240
we're really in our heads and so then if so if you're not even recognizing it in

733
01:02:44.240 --> 01:02:52.620
the moment okay. It's okay. It's okay. You're giving grace. Now it's after after

734
01:02:52.620 --> 01:02:57.220
that interaction now you need to ask yourself did I show up self-defended or

735
01:02:57.220 --> 01:03:05.000
God-defended. Let's not go to the well I'm gonna do this differently and I'm

736
01:03:05.000 --> 01:03:07.580
gonna do this and that because that's when we start creating those vows of

737
01:03:07.580 --> 01:03:14.780
protecting ourselves. Y'all I'm like I'm a queen at this. I'm having to learn to

738
01:03:14.780 --> 01:03:21.860
get myself out of this. Okay, so what does this look like? Anchoring your worth in

739
01:03:21.860 --> 01:03:29.580
God and not validation. And this this type of stuff it could start really

740
01:03:29.580 --> 01:03:36.860
surfacing where those areas of heart work that we really need. You know if if

741
01:03:36.860 --> 01:03:41.340
you are someone that's constantly seeking validation that's rooted

742
01:03:41.340 --> 01:03:53.100
somewhere and God wants to heal it. So again if you recognize I'm constantly

743
01:03:53.100 --> 01:03:59.340
seeking this validation God's gonna be gentle with you and show you. It's

744
01:03:59.340 --> 01:04:03.500
setting boundaries from love not fear.

745
01:04:04.180 --> 01:04:08.780
That's a huge one. You don't set boundaries to protect ourselves and

746
01:04:08.780 --> 01:04:12.700
create these walls. We're putting boundaries up because you're saying hey

747
01:04:12.700 --> 01:04:19.580
like I value this. This is important to me. My relationship with somebody is

748
01:04:19.580 --> 01:04:24.420
important and I want to keep that intact and this is what this is gonna need to

749
01:04:24.420 --> 01:04:33.620
look like so that this relationship is safe for both of us.

750
01:04:36.260 --> 01:04:43.620
So we're creating a boundary out of love and we're talking about what their needs

751
01:04:43.620 --> 01:04:50.140
are and hey if this happens then this is gonna happen. If this happens then I'm

752
01:04:50.140 --> 01:04:57.260
gonna do this. Okay and it's not from fear because then if they choose not to

753
01:04:57.260 --> 01:05:01.740
do that we're not gonna spiral.

754
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.480
we're not going to get all fearful, then that's when we start to try to operate

755
01:05:04.480 --> 01:05:10.840
in that control. It's responding intentionally instead of reacting.

756
01:05:11.360 --> 01:05:15.240
So again, if you're like a highly sensitive person, highly emotional

757
01:05:15.240 --> 01:05:20.400
sometimes, you might not get this one right. This one might take some practice.

758
01:05:20.400 --> 01:05:23.600
All right.

759
01:05:24.880 --> 01:05:29.040
Maybe that's where they get the saying, practice makes perfect, because you might

760
01:05:29.040 --> 01:05:33.480
need a lot of practice. I have to have a lot of practice of responding

761
01:05:33.480 --> 01:05:39.280
intentionally and not reacting. And then staying open while trusting God's

762
01:05:39.280 --> 01:05:44.360
protection. And it is like that sometimes is really uncomfortable. And so again,

763
01:05:44.360 --> 01:05:48.040
this kind of ties back to what Jackie was talking about a little bit. It's

764
01:05:48.040 --> 01:05:54.480
doing some of those uncomfortable things. Like you got to kind of get uncomfortable

765
01:05:54.480 --> 01:06:03.640
at times. But you know, staying open to that idea. Like I can trust that God's

766
01:06:03.640 --> 01:06:08.240
got this. It's gonna be a little uncomfortable. And then she even says on

767
01:06:08.240 --> 01:06:13.320
Saturday, like one thing that stuck out to me is, if you go back and look at all

768
01:06:13.320 --> 01:06:21.880
the stories in the Bible, anytime you were in God's like alignment, like when

769
01:06:21.920 --> 01:06:26.760
God told you to do something, when God called people to do something, it was

770
01:06:26.760 --> 01:06:31.960
never easy for them. It was hard.

771
01:06:34.160 --> 01:06:38.680
And then, you know, she reminded us on Saturday, like we have this saying

772
01:06:38.680 --> 01:06:45.640
here. It doesn't have to be easy. It just has to be worth it. Like it's not gonna

773
01:06:45.640 --> 01:06:51.480
be easy, but it will be worth it. So some real-life examples. Staying present

774
01:06:51.480 --> 01:06:58.360
instead of overanalyzing. Communicating clearly instead of testing.

775
01:06:58.680 --> 01:07:06.320
Letting triggers reveal healing, not shutting down. So a lot of times when you

776
01:07:06.320 --> 01:07:11.840
ladies have questions, I'm gonna ask more questions. I'm gonna want to get more

777
01:07:11.840 --> 01:07:16.840
below the surface. And then it's practicing emotional

778
01:07:16.840 --> 01:07:22.040
availability. It's gonna, like for some of us that have a hard time becoming

779
01:07:22.040 --> 01:07:26.160
emotionally available, it is gonna have to sometimes, it will feel very

780
01:07:26.160 --> 01:07:31.360
vulnerable. So one of the key truth is you are not just preparing to meet the

781
01:07:31.360 --> 01:07:36.720
right person, but you are becoming a woman who has the capacity to receive

782
01:07:37.560 --> 01:07:47.000
and sustain love. So some truths to hold on to is self-defense may feel safe, but

783
01:07:47.000 --> 01:07:56.880
it can block God's best. Protective vows can often come from fear and not truth.

784
01:07:57.120 --> 01:08:03.320
God-defended confidence builds capacity for love.

785
01:08:03.680 --> 01:08:10.080
And you don't need to wait, because God can move now. That was a big part of

786
01:08:10.080 --> 01:08:14.440
Jackie's Saturday message, if you haven't watched it.

787
01:08:15.440 --> 01:08:26.080
The resurrection is now. There's no waiting. It can come early.

788
01:08:27.080 --> 01:08:34.520
All right. Okay. I'm gonna go scroll through. If anybody else has any questions,

789
01:08:34.520 --> 01:08:38.439
you can go ahead and put your hand up. I know I had Dana, and then there was

790
01:08:38.439 --> 01:08:42.200
somebody, I think Kelly put her question up there. And then I did see a few more

791
01:08:42.200 --> 01:08:47.200
questions pop up. So then I know some people sometimes have to pop off. So I'm

792
01:08:47.200 --> 01:08:51.479
gonna go through and get all the questions from the chat. So then that way

793
01:08:51.600 --> 01:08:57.960
if someone had to jump off, they are able to watch the replay and get their

794
01:08:57.960 --> 01:09:02.760
question. All right. So Kelly, I see yours. You started to date a new person, but

795
01:09:02.760 --> 01:09:06.520
was still stuck on the person that you had talked about before. So that I think

796
01:09:06.520 --> 01:09:12.880
I remember that guy was the guy that for a couple years, like he was around, right?

797
01:09:12.880 --> 01:09:20.120
Okay. I'm just refreshing my memory. The new person left just walked, just walked

798
01:09:20.160 --> 01:09:30.279
to talk. Okay. You just want to talk through it. Okay. So let's, we've got

799
01:09:30.279 --> 01:09:39.279
about 20 to 30 minutes. Let's, can we make it like, give me like the one big,

800
01:09:39.279 --> 01:09:42.840
big, big thing that you really feel like you want to process through it like

801
01:09:42.840 --> 01:09:46.680
right this moment. Like what's the big, big thing that you feel like you're

802
01:09:46.720 --> 01:09:47.240
stuck on?

803
01:09:48.720 --> 01:10:00.080
Um, why I can't like this, this new person was very, like, he

804
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:09.000
He was very kind and made sure that I was safe and came out.

805
01:10:09.000 --> 01:10:18.080
I was shocked from the time my husband passed away until I found a camera in my bedroom.

806
01:10:18.080 --> 01:10:20.800
He came out and put lights around.

807
01:10:20.800 --> 01:10:25.280
I live on nine acres and he put lights around the farm and stuff.

808
01:10:25.280 --> 01:10:27.560
But I just couldn't get over.

809
01:10:27.560 --> 01:10:37.080
I kept on thinking of the past relationship and then this past relationship started texting

810
01:10:37.080 --> 01:10:40.560
and coming.

811
01:10:40.560 --> 01:10:45.760
It's like, why can't I get this person out of my head?

812
01:10:45.760 --> 01:10:48.660
And then started pushing this new person away.

813
01:10:48.660 --> 01:11:00.500
We had went on like 15 dates and stuff and I just can't get the old person out of my

814
01:11:00.500 --> 01:11:01.500
head.

815
01:11:01.500 --> 01:11:02.500
Okay.

816
01:11:02.500 --> 01:11:07.860
So did this guy, the new guy that you were dating, you said you went on like 15 dates

817
01:11:07.860 --> 01:11:11.500
and he was really nice and kind.

818
01:11:11.500 --> 01:11:18.620
Was the reason for him walking away, was it because the new guy was messaging you?

819
01:11:19.580 --> 01:11:22.580
Was he aware of that?

820
01:11:22.580 --> 01:11:23.580
Yes.

821
01:11:23.580 --> 01:11:33.380
And I was supposed to go and see the old guy's daughter and his kids and he got kind of,

822
01:11:33.380 --> 01:11:35.660
he was like, he didn't understand it.

823
01:11:35.660 --> 01:11:38.860
And I tried to kind of explain it.

824
01:11:38.860 --> 01:11:46.980
And then my phone was like laying out and he saw a text from the old guy.

825
01:11:46.980 --> 01:11:56.700
And it was like, I love you KLP, which is like this old guy's last name.

826
01:11:56.700 --> 01:12:00.180
Like P is Pearl, this old guy's last name.

827
01:12:00.180 --> 01:12:01.180
Yeah.

828
01:12:01.180 --> 01:12:02.180
Because he used to call you.

829
01:12:02.180 --> 01:12:03.180
Yeah.

830
01:12:03.180 --> 01:12:04.180
I remember that.

831
01:12:04.180 --> 01:12:06.180
He used to call you by his last name.

832
01:12:06.180 --> 01:12:07.180
Yes.

833
01:12:07.180 --> 01:12:08.180
Yeah.

834
01:12:09.180 --> 01:12:17.380
He picked up, he brought over a dog panel for the dogs because I have a cat and he picked

835
01:12:17.380 --> 01:12:22.580
up the dog kennel and he like left and really haven't.

836
01:12:22.580 --> 01:12:29.060
Let me ask, when this new guy and you had the conversation, did he put up any boundaries?

837
01:12:29.060 --> 01:12:34.700
Did he ask you anything specifically like, Hey, I don't want you texting him.

838
01:12:34.700 --> 01:12:35.700
I don't want.

839
01:12:35.700 --> 01:12:39.420
Did he ask you any of like to do any of that?

840
01:12:39.420 --> 01:12:42.940
No, because I wasn't texting him back.

841
01:12:42.940 --> 01:12:43.940
Okay.

842
01:12:43.940 --> 01:12:44.940
Did he?

843
01:12:44.940 --> 01:12:47.180
But I didn't block him either.

844
01:12:47.180 --> 01:12:49.820
Did he ask you to block him?

845
01:12:49.820 --> 01:12:51.420
No.

846
01:12:51.420 --> 01:12:52.980
Okay.

847
01:12:52.980 --> 01:12:56.020
Can I ask you why you didn't block him?

848
01:12:56.020 --> 01:13:04.180
Because I, I know, I know, I know, and you know, and you know, the last time we talked

849
01:13:04.180 --> 01:13:10.060
about this and I, and remember when I was, I had asked you, I'm like, can you get rid

850
01:13:10.060 --> 01:13:11.060
of his number?

851
01:13:11.060 --> 01:13:12.060
And you were like, it's going to be hard.

852
01:13:12.060 --> 01:13:14.420
And I'm like, I know it's going to be hard.

853
01:13:14.420 --> 01:13:16.420
You were honest with him.

854
01:13:16.420 --> 01:13:17.420
Yeah.

855
01:13:17.420 --> 01:13:24.380
I still like, I still have feel like I still have huge feelings for this guy.

856
01:13:24.380 --> 01:13:30.500
Like I still like, I still have.

857
01:13:30.500 --> 01:13:35.820
What is it that you're believing about it though?

858
01:13:35.820 --> 01:13:39.060
What are those feelings attached to?

859
01:13:39.060 --> 01:13:51.380
What are the beliefs about you, about yourself?

860
01:13:51.380 --> 01:13:57.540
I just so wanted, I don't, I don't know.

861
01:13:57.540 --> 01:14:06.620
Like the, like, I don't know that my dad, my dad started reaching out to that I haven't

862
01:14:06.620 --> 01:14:07.620
seen in three years.

863
01:14:07.620 --> 01:14:09.620
I'm just so confused.

864
01:14:09.620 --> 01:14:10.620
Yeah.

865
01:14:10.620 --> 01:14:13.700
I don't know.

866
01:14:13.700 --> 01:14:22.780
Um, is your dad someone that, um, is there a lot of pain there from like your childhood

867
01:14:22.780 --> 01:14:23.780
with your dad?

868
01:14:23.780 --> 01:14:24.780
Huge.

869
01:14:24.780 --> 01:14:25.780
Huge.

870
01:14:26.140 --> 01:14:28.220
There was a lot of abuse.

871
01:14:28.220 --> 01:14:34.380
Is there any similarities between your dad and this old guy?

872
01:14:34.380 --> 01:14:39.260
Um, he, he's just like a really free spirit.

873
01:14:39.260 --> 01:14:43.380
Like my dad, I mean, he just, my dad would take off on the motorcycle and just wouldn't

874
01:14:43.380 --> 01:14:45.580
even tell my mom where he was going.

875
01:14:45.580 --> 01:14:53.660
Like he'd leave for a week and like be, and I could see Harry doing like, yeah, so that

876
01:14:53.740 --> 01:14:58.860
free spirit, like your dad, get on the motorcycle, wouldn't tell your mom and would just go and

877
01:14:58.860 --> 01:14:59.900
be free spirited.

878
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.960
this was always kind of had you there and then just never really wanted to

879
01:15:07.960 --> 01:15:13.360
commit but just expected you to always just be there when it was necessary like

880
01:15:13.360 --> 01:15:19.520
when it when it suited him right convenient it's very it's very familiar

881
01:15:19.520 --> 01:15:31.520
so are you still holding on like are you still wanting some are you like could

882
01:15:31.520 --> 01:15:34.480
it be tied to

883
01:15:35.760 --> 01:15:45.800
wanting healing and acceptance and not being rejected by your dad and that if

884
01:15:45.800 --> 01:15:56.120
you shut it off then there's no possibility of being able to get that

885
01:15:56.120 --> 01:16:03.600
feeling of but they cared about me yeah all this time with somebody I mean

886
01:16:03.600 --> 01:16:09.240
because you think about you you have a father like you wanted that love that

887
01:16:09.240 --> 01:16:19.320
attention you never really want to let that go right and so with if that's

888
01:16:19.320 --> 01:16:25.960
similar to this older this guy that you know you just let go of but still can't

889
01:16:25.960 --> 01:16:34.320
let go you're still stuck on him are you afraid that if you shut it out then what

890
01:16:34.320 --> 01:16:43.480
did did that time with him mean is is that something that you're fearful of

891
01:16:43.480 --> 01:16:52.120
yes absolutely well that's that's what we need to get what is God's truth about

892
01:16:52.120 --> 01:17:02.240
that what did you learn in that time was it a waste of time no what did God show

893
01:17:02.240 --> 01:17:10.560
you in that time that made that season worth it it may not have ended the way

894
01:17:10.560 --> 01:17:17.120
that you had hoped but what did come out of that season what did you grow into

895
01:17:17.120 --> 01:17:20.720
what did God do

896
01:17:21.120 --> 01:17:28.520
what were some of the good things for you not with that person but what did

897
01:17:28.520 --> 01:17:38.280
you gain for yourself in that season can you think of anything

898
01:17:38.280 --> 01:18:00.800
I came here I started doing work I mean okay where were you at before you met

899
01:18:00.800 --> 01:18:07.720
him like were you somewhere where you know like where you where you at now

900
01:18:07.720 --> 01:18:11.800
what I did you like you moved your locations like you moved out of state or

901
01:18:11.800 --> 01:18:23.360
how no no I'm still at the farm site that my husband and I okay yeah but you

902
01:18:23.360 --> 01:18:34.520
said something about work no I currently am not like I'm retired like because my

903
01:18:34.520 --> 01:18:39.120
husband passed away in a terrible tragedy I get his Social Security so I

904
01:18:39.120 --> 01:18:51.400
don't have okay but so then when you met this this other guy what came from that

905
01:18:52.400 --> 01:19:01.960
I know I I went through the heart work like I okay okay sorry I misunderstood

906
01:19:01.960 --> 01:19:08.040
you okay no no it led you to heart work okay so what's some great things that

907
01:19:08.040 --> 01:19:14.280
have happened to you since you found heart work I mean I've done a lot of

908
01:19:14.280 --> 01:19:24.440
forgiveness mm-hmm yeah absolutely and that's that's good and forgiveness will

909
01:19:24.440 --> 01:19:39.920
happen in layers to I want you to spend a little time though spend time with

910
01:19:40.720 --> 01:19:47.960
what was going on in that relationship like when what this outcome that you

911
01:19:47.960 --> 01:19:56.960
have with this guy what was happening in that relationship what what were some of

912
01:19:56.960 --> 01:20:02.000
the ways that you showed up how did he show up

913
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.840
up, then how did you respond? How did you respond? Then how did he respond? And spend

914
01:20:05.840 --> 01:20:13.040
time with that. Okay. And then let's, let's dive into that, share that in the app because

915
01:20:13.040 --> 01:20:17.200
I don't, I want you to start, I don't want you, I want you to process through some of

916
01:20:17.200 --> 01:20:24.160
this, but I don't want you to have to wait like several weeks. Okay. I want us to continue

917
01:20:24.160 --> 01:20:32.280
to keep going through, um, because you are like, it's, it's going to be time to release

918
01:20:32.280 --> 01:20:39.200
this guy. We've got to look at some of those things. Cause I, like I said, I think last

919
01:20:39.200 --> 01:20:43.640
time we talked and I knew it was going to be hard for you and I, I was praying that

920
01:20:43.640 --> 01:20:48.800
you were just going to be able to do it. But if you didn't, like I understood being able

921
01:20:48.800 --> 01:20:58.360
to read his number and being able to completely block him. Okay. Thank you. Okay. We got

922
01:20:58.360 --> 01:21:06.120
it. All right. Okay. Um, Dana, I got your question next year. You said you were wondering

923
01:21:06.120 --> 01:21:13.080
if something, um, something is missing about dating. You've had, um, three or so coffee

924
01:21:13.080 --> 01:21:21.000
meets, but no second dates. One man actually changed as I was talking, I could see, um,

925
01:21:21.000 --> 01:21:25.880
I had lost him. Okay. I don't know what happened. I was hoping going out and meeting new people

926
01:21:25.880 --> 01:21:31.920
would be fun so far. It's kind of boring. Okay. Gotcha. Um, there's nothing that you're

927
01:21:31.920 --> 01:21:40.520
missing. I don't think because truth be told, I think of the entire two years that I was

928
01:21:40.520 --> 01:21:50.720
in last year single, I think I had one or two people that I'm actually went on a second

929
01:21:50.720 --> 01:21:58.440
date with most of the guys that like I'd go out on a date with, it would be one day. Yeah.

930
01:21:58.440 --> 01:22:03.680
So that the way that I had to start looking at it and the way that God kind of showed

931
01:22:03.680 --> 01:22:09.720
to me was Carla, I'm just, you're getting some practice. You're finding out what you

932
01:22:09.720 --> 01:22:18.080
like, what you don't like. And I'm just getting closer to your husband. And so it was just

933
01:22:18.080 --> 01:22:23.400
kind of showing me like, there were some guys I'm like, Oh, that was a nice guy. I liked

934
01:22:23.400 --> 01:22:27.480
this about him. And there were some guys that would, I was disappointed that they didn't

935
01:22:27.480 --> 01:22:32.000
want to have a second date with me. Cause I'm like, like they seemed really nice or

936
01:22:32.000 --> 01:22:41.280
I really liked them. And so what it did for me was it allowed me to see that there was

937
01:22:41.280 --> 01:22:47.600
still possibility that they're like, I could be open to the idea that I would want to be

938
01:22:47.600 --> 01:22:56.880
in a relationship with somebody else. And so, um, I think it would just be like, try

939
01:22:56.880 --> 01:23:03.960
not to hold so much expectation and the outcome, but being that here and now, but you, you

940
01:23:03.960 --> 01:23:11.440
mentioned that one guy you saw all of a sudden you saw him that you lost him. Explain that

941
01:23:11.440 --> 01:23:18.080
to me. Like, what were y'all talking about? What, where did you saw all of a sudden see

942
01:23:18.080 --> 01:23:21.000
that you had him? And then all of a sudden, like what was going on? And all of a sudden

943
01:23:21.000 --> 01:23:29.880
you saw you lost him. Um, we were talking about, what were we talking about? Oh, um,

944
01:23:30.680 --> 01:23:40.680
I had asked him about what his, uh, what's the word if he was divorced or separated or

945
01:23:41.400 --> 01:23:47.000
single, whatever. Um, cause he had kids, but that doesn't necessarily mean he'd ever been married.

946
01:23:47.800 --> 01:23:54.280
Um, and he, which he was very honest with me, which I appreciated. He said, technically

947
01:23:55.000 --> 01:24:02.200
he's separated. Okay. I guess at that point, you know, my face is an open book and I went,

948
01:24:03.000 --> 01:24:06.840
you know, to me separated means you're still married. I didn't say that out loud,

949
01:24:06.840 --> 01:24:12.680
but that's just how I feel about it. I know the world doesn't feel that, but I do. Um,

950
01:24:13.640 --> 01:24:19.880
and then, and he's from Africa. So we were discussing life there versus life here. And

951
01:24:19.880 --> 01:24:30.040
cause Canada's very, it's a melting pot of everybody and everything. Um, and he said that,

952
01:24:31.080 --> 01:24:37.640
uh, he got married. I forget what country in Africa he's from, but there it's not like here

953
01:24:37.800 --> 01:24:45.560
you, uh, he has to pay the bride price to the parents and then they're married.

954
01:24:46.840 --> 01:24:52.760
There's no city hall. There's no church. There's no paperwork. That's it. You're married.

955
01:24:52.760 --> 01:24:59.880
And then in order to get divorced, he needs to get that money back. And that hasn't happened.

956
01:25:00.960 --> 01:25:07.200
And as a woman, uh, I'm sitting there going, well, exactly how, you know, in my head,

957
01:25:07.760 --> 01:25:11.360
because I put a filter on, it's like, how much exactly is a woman worth?

958
01:25:13.200 --> 01:25:19.520
Yeah, that's, yeah, then now you're, now you're kind of mingling in some culture stuff there too,

959
01:25:19.520 --> 01:25:28.160
like what, right. But so he's in Canada now. Yeah. He's been here a few years. Um, he studied

960
01:25:28.160 --> 01:25:37.280
hard, became a nurse. He's working with the, our healthcare system now, um, and feels that his life

961
01:25:37.280 --> 01:25:42.080
is more settled and he can now begin to work on some of these other things like, you know,

962
01:25:42.080 --> 01:25:48.400
actually getting his money back. Um, and then, but while we were just, I guess he could see on

963
01:25:48.400 --> 01:25:56.480
my face that I was just, you know, an old me would have just torn a strip off him and let him have it.

964
01:25:57.200 --> 01:26:03.680
But, uh, at the same time, I do recognize it is a cultural thing and this was what he grew up with.

965
01:26:03.680 --> 01:26:08.640
And this is what he knew then. It's not what he knows now. Cause we did discuss some, cause I

966
01:26:08.640 --> 01:26:14.320
have been to Africa, not to the country he was, uh, born and raised in, but a different country.

967
01:26:14.320 --> 01:26:21.440
But, uh, I am familiar with some of it and he said, yeah, that that's pretty much what it's

968
01:26:21.440 --> 01:26:28.400
like women, children, animals, they have no value, none. Uh, and you know, if you ask any

969
01:26:28.400 --> 01:26:35.920
like curiosity questions, like what his beliefs and thoughts were about that. Uh, I was trying

970
01:26:35.920 --> 01:26:48.880
really hard to, um, not react and yeah, let him have it. So, um, well, so yeah, like I could see

971
01:26:48.880 --> 01:26:54.240
I'd lost him already. So it's, I don't, Oh, well I did. I said like, how does that change? Cause

972
01:26:54.240 --> 01:27:00.880
you know, he said at one point, Oh, cause I asked him if he must miss being there because it's so

973
01:27:00.880 --> 01:27:06.160
different here. And he said, well, no, actually I'm uncomfortable now when I go back, because

974
01:27:06.160 --> 01:27:15.120
you know, for example, um, I was visiting my brother and he got mad at the dog and killed him

975
01:27:15.120 --> 01:27:18.960
on the spot because that's what you do because they have no value. And that's what I would have

976
01:27:18.960 --> 01:27:24.960
done if I had been there too. But now I see life differently and that I don't have the same

977
01:27:24.960 --> 01:27:32.880
reaction. So when I go back and I see that it's very hard for me. Okay. Yeah. Well, that's a good

978
01:27:32.880 --> 01:27:39.520
thing. Yeah. I was going to say, it sounds really like, so this, so kind of going back to your

979
01:27:39.520 --> 01:27:47.120
question with this, you're getting no second dates or third date, but I want you to start

980
01:27:47.120 --> 01:27:56.080
looking at how each one of these dates is going to start opening you up to opportunity to do more.

981
01:27:56.080 --> 01:28:04.800
Um, it's like an invitation, like God is inviting you to reflect and be like, okay, what is it Lord

982
01:28:04.800 --> 01:28:13.760
that you want me to look at and do differently and see differently and celebrate? Like what is

983
01:28:13.760 --> 01:28:19.520
new and different about me now that I've got heartwork? I mean, I think it's a huge win.

984
01:28:19.520 --> 01:28:27.760
Like hearing you say, like I was trying really hard not to react. Count that as a win. Yeah.

985
01:28:27.760 --> 01:28:32.320
Oh no, it was definitely a win. Like these are things. So I don't want you to think, well,

986
01:28:32.320 --> 01:28:39.520
there's, am I missing something with dating? Am I not doing something right? No, you are actually

987
01:28:39.520 --> 01:28:47.840
working like this. I mean, like to use the word working, you are a lot, you're showing up the way

988
01:28:48.880 --> 01:28:57.760
we would ask you ladies to show up, being open to learning at what is God showing you in the process.

989
01:28:58.640 --> 01:29:07.840
So it's not going to matter ladies. If you go on 50 first dates or you're going to go on,

990
01:29:09.040 --> 01:29:15.360
you know, 10 dates with one person and then go on another 10 dates with a second person,

991
01:29:15.920 --> 01:29:22.160
whatever that looks like, God gets to be in charge of this. God is the one writing your

992
01:29:22.160 --> 01:29:26.000
love story. You're just surrendering being like, okay, what do you got for me next?

993
01:29:27.520 --> 01:29:35.120
All right. Who's next? So again, kind of going into that, that process of, and like I said,

994
01:29:35.120 --> 01:29:41.280
I had to kind of just look at it like, I'm just going in to see what is it that I like and what

995
01:29:41.280 --> 01:29:46.640
I don't like. And I'm just moving one step closer to the person that's actually my spirit mate.

996
01:29:47.600 --> 01:29:51.200
And so, and I mean, I'm not saying that there were not times that it was disappointing,

997
01:29:52.240 --> 01:29:57.760
but that's when I really leaned on this community. And in those moments when I would feel disappointed,

998
01:29:58.640 --> 01:29:59.600
I did.

999
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:09.040
just ignore it. I went and searched what was it that I was really believing and

1000
01:30:09.040 --> 01:30:15.920
really started a process and like reflect on where does this feel similar?

1001
01:30:15.920 --> 01:30:22.680
Where does this feeling feel similar? Is there something God's trying to show and

1002
01:30:22.680 --> 01:30:30.600
heal in me? And so that's what I like because I think it's like I said I think

1003
01:30:30.600 --> 01:30:37.680
it's a celebration that you were like hey I didn't react. I would have let him

1004
01:30:37.680 --> 01:30:47.520
have it. Well he left intact so I think it's a win. Yes absolutely. So I would

1005
01:30:47.520 --> 01:30:56.000
even go like what what would have caused you to like in the past to have reacted

1006
01:30:56.000 --> 01:31:04.480
differently? Like what does it say about another person that made you feel like

1007
01:31:04.480 --> 01:31:09.760
you had to defend yourself or you would attack somebody and and now reflect on

1008
01:31:09.760 --> 01:31:17.840
how you know what I don't like that but I don't have to now respond the same way

1009
01:31:17.840 --> 01:31:26.080
that I did. Because I agree I ladies my whole like again this is my opinion. I

1010
01:31:26.080 --> 01:31:33.880
would prefer and encourage you ladies not to date men who are not

1011
01:31:33.880 --> 01:31:44.520
like not divorced. Does that make sense? Like I you can't really date someone who

1012
01:31:44.520 --> 01:31:53.840
who is in a covenant who's still married. Like how are you going to be in dating

1013
01:31:53.840 --> 01:31:58.480
someone looking to potentially get married if they're still in a covenant

1014
01:31:58.480 --> 01:32:06.560
with somebody else? Like that's not something that I would encourage. Now I

1015
01:32:06.560 --> 01:32:12.960
know there's different circumstances for different people. Some people have been

1016
01:32:12.960 --> 01:32:19.080
separated for five years but there's custody battles and estate battles and

1017
01:32:19.080 --> 01:32:24.240
all those things or the marriage has just been over but there's certain

1018
01:32:24.240 --> 01:32:31.960
technicalities and law like all of that kind of stuff. But again I would I would

1019
01:32:31.960 --> 01:32:39.640
want that stuff to be settled before moving into that. But does that mean

1020
01:32:39.640 --> 01:32:44.760
you're gonna always know? I don't want you ladies being so suspicious because I

1021
01:32:44.760 --> 01:32:48.240
don't want y'all sitting here interrogating men about their past

1022
01:32:48.240 --> 01:32:52.800
relationships because really I wouldn't even encourage y'all finding all the X

1023
01:32:52.840 --> 01:32:59.040
files out. And that that again kind of goes back to what we were talking about

1024
01:32:59.040 --> 01:33:04.800
that suspicion thing. Showing up in that here and now and kind of just learning

1025
01:33:04.800 --> 01:33:10.840
about who they are and seeing their fruit. Believe it or not ladies when

1026
01:33:10.840 --> 01:33:17.040
you're God defended let me tell you some of the things that you will find out. You

1027
01:33:17.040 --> 01:33:22.680
will be surprised what God will let you see and how like some of these truths

1028
01:33:22.680 --> 01:33:27.120
can come out. And if you don't believe me y'all go to eight o'clock tonight with

1029
01:33:27.120 --> 01:33:32.000
Ebony because I know Ebony's got some stories. She's told me some of these

1030
01:33:32.000 --> 01:33:38.880
she's like Carla I wasn't sure and then all of a sudden it was like she realized

1031
01:33:38.880 --> 01:33:44.160
that someone was still married or something. And she didn't even ask but it

1032
01:33:44.200 --> 01:33:48.800
just like got highlighted to her by something or somehow. Like y'all I even

1033
01:33:48.800 --> 01:33:52.920
went on a date with somebody this was before heartwork and I met them online

1034
01:33:52.920 --> 01:34:02.120
and I had gone out on two dates I think with this person and I was at my

1035
01:34:02.120 --> 01:34:10.000
hairstylist and I was talking about this date this guy and he was shorter and I

1036
01:34:10.320 --> 01:34:16.800
and then I said his name and I was like yeah he's really really short and she

1037
01:34:16.800 --> 01:34:21.440
asked me and she's like and his name was what and I think I had a picture and

1038
01:34:21.440 --> 01:34:34.440
she's like um that's my boss's boyfriend and I was like what my hairstylist so

1039
01:34:34.440 --> 01:34:39.480
like and I didn't like God just I was just having a chat with my hairstylist

1040
01:34:39.480 --> 01:34:45.720
and she's like well that guy sounds familiar what's his name again do you

1041
01:34:45.720 --> 01:34:52.560
have a picture of him and I was like what and he had to cancel one of our

1042
01:34:52.560 --> 01:34:57.800
dates and it was because he had to watch his friend's kid well guess whose kid it

1043
01:34:57.800 --> 01:35:01.280
was it was his girlfriend's kid

1044
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.840
I was like you got to be kidding me so you'll be surprised like you will you

1045
01:35:05.840 --> 01:35:11.720
will find that stuff out eventually or they'll just offer it to you and I think

1046
01:35:11.720 --> 01:35:16.800
yeah just being able to be like okay well tell me more about that well that's

1047
01:35:16.800 --> 01:35:24.520
interesting and you can politely disagree with people you can I had to do

1048
01:35:24.520 --> 01:35:29.640
that this week and I had to politely disagree with that one mother like okay

1049
01:35:29.640 --> 01:35:34.040
well that's that's not how I would see it like that's not that's not something

1050
01:35:34.040 --> 01:35:38.160
that I would align with that's not what my faith and that's not what you know my

1051
01:35:38.160 --> 01:35:43.680
beliefs are but I appreciate you sharing your insight with me I mean we can get

1052
01:35:43.680 --> 01:35:48.320
along with other people that don't have the same beliefs as us and we can still

1053
01:35:48.320 --> 01:35:56.920
enjoy ourselves with the person we might not enjoy them or their beliefs but it

1054
01:35:56.920 --> 01:36:01.880
doesn't mean that we have to show up not enjoying ourselves does that make

1055
01:36:01.880 --> 01:36:08.960
sense so I think you know you're doing a great job by recognizing you know wins

1056
01:36:08.960 --> 01:36:13.560
that you're having don't think that you're doing anything wrong you know

1057
01:36:13.560 --> 01:36:18.120
there's just gonna be you know people that you're gonna get to know and you're

1058
01:36:18.120 --> 01:36:25.440
just be like yep next next next and that's totally fine find things that like

1059
01:36:25.440 --> 01:36:31.120
you do like about them and things that you don't and then see what God reveals

1060
01:36:31.120 --> 01:36:36.680
to you in in those moments and what it is that he's wanting you to work on in

1061
01:36:36.680 --> 01:36:47.000
that in that time but it sounds like you dodged a bullet with that one so and I

1062
01:36:47.000 --> 01:36:49.960
like that you're I mean but you're going out and you're you're getting date and

1063
01:36:49.960 --> 01:36:56.200
like that's that's the thing is getting experience you know putting it into

1064
01:36:56.200 --> 01:37:05.160
practice is definitely and I find too that I'm I'm a lot of stuff does does

1065
01:37:05.160 --> 01:37:12.720
God doesn't reveal until I'm actually out with someone or I'm well I'm not in

1066
01:37:12.720 --> 01:37:16.160
a relationship but when I'm in a relationship and then these things come

1067
01:37:16.160 --> 01:37:21.000
up it's sitting here by myself nothing really comes up I asked myself the

1068
01:37:21.000 --> 01:37:28.120
questions I get nothing so I need to get out yes if I'm going to ever continue to

1069
01:37:28.120 --> 01:37:34.760
grow and learn yes so ladies she just said something so true especially my

1070
01:37:34.760 --> 01:37:39.000
girls that just came in this phase and they're like well I'm not dating yet I

1071
01:37:39.000 --> 01:37:44.000
get it y'all I spent I spent a year not dating in this program because I was

1072
01:37:44.000 --> 01:37:51.640
like I'm not gonna date there are gonna be things that get revealed to you once

1073
01:37:51.640 --> 01:37:57.280
you get in to the dating world because you've done the hard work without dating

1074
01:37:57.280 --> 01:38:02.320
so now you're gonna start dating and it will allow things come to surface so

1075
01:38:02.320 --> 01:38:10.080
getting out there and seeing what things trigger you or what responses you have

1076
01:38:10.080 --> 01:38:18.320
to things what how you react how you respond how other people react and

1077
01:38:18.320 --> 01:38:24.600
respond to you it will show you so much and these are things that we can unpack

1078
01:38:24.600 --> 01:38:31.240
in the app and on our calls all all good things okay thank you so much Dana all

1079
01:38:31.240 --> 01:38:34.240
right I'm gonna keep scrolling here because I know I think I saw a few more

1080
01:38:34.240 --> 01:38:41.160
questions difference between phase two and phase three phase two which is what

1081
01:38:41.160 --> 01:38:46.080
we're in now it's gonna be a little bit smaller so it's it's we kind of spend a

1082
01:38:46.080 --> 01:38:51.880
lot more time really focusing on dating since you just came out of heartwork

1083
01:38:51.880 --> 01:38:59.000
phase three is no different you're gonna have women and and then there's there's

1084
01:38:59.000 --> 01:39:02.360
the men in that program too so there'll be you know events that you go to and

1085
01:39:02.360 --> 01:39:07.320
calls that you go to with men and the women but you will just specifically

1086
01:39:07.320 --> 01:39:12.040
like when you're asking questions to the coaches and things you're gonna have

1087
01:39:12.040 --> 01:39:19.440
women that have been in the community for you know a few months a few weeks

1088
01:39:19.440 --> 01:39:23.200
well they wouldn't have been here for a few weeks because you would have been in

1089
01:39:23.200 --> 01:39:29.080
phase one and two for for much longer but there's women that what that were in

1090
01:39:29.080 --> 01:39:33.360
the program when I was started the program in 2020 there's a few ladies

1091
01:39:33.360 --> 01:39:40.120
that are in there still so there's people that were in there and then got

1092
01:39:40.120 --> 01:39:44.720
in a relationship were engaged and then things didn't happen so now they're back

1093
01:39:44.720 --> 01:39:48.840
in there again so you're gonna have people from all different levels that

1094
01:39:48.840 --> 01:39:55.440
have been in this community and there's more teachings that are there we'll do

1095
01:39:55.440 --> 01:40:01.520
accelerated heart work over there in phase three I

1096
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:08.600
Honestly, here in phase two, I try to incorporate the dating and the heart work together.

1097
01:40:08.600 --> 01:40:11.680
I try to have fun with it too.

1098
01:40:11.680 --> 01:40:17.200
We want to have fun dating, but we also want to show up differently.

1099
01:40:17.200 --> 01:40:20.360
We want to utilize dating differently.

1100
01:40:20.360 --> 01:40:22.200
So what are we going to learn and grow from it?

1101
01:40:23.200 --> 01:40:30.800
How can I use the heart work tools to apply when things come up in dating?

1102
01:40:30.800 --> 01:40:35.240
But that will happen in phase three as well.

1103
01:40:35.240 --> 01:40:41.920
But I don't believe that phase three has weekly calls like we do.

1104
01:40:41.920 --> 01:40:47.120
I think they might be bi-weekly or sometimes they might have two calls in one week.

1105
01:40:47.120 --> 01:40:50.600
I don't really pay attention to all the calls that they have because I'm usually focused

1106
01:40:50.600 --> 01:40:56.280
on your phase two.

1107
01:40:56.280 --> 01:40:58.840
And then Kathleen, I don't know if she's still on here.

1108
01:40:58.840 --> 01:41:04.680
She asked, what's the last year single code for the single city's Facebook group?

1109
01:41:04.680 --> 01:41:09.120
Nancy, thank you so much for answering that.

1110
01:41:09.120 --> 01:41:11.760
It's in the resource tab.

1111
01:41:11.760 --> 01:41:17.840
There is a code for depending on what city it is, and so that is on that document.

1112
01:41:17.840 --> 01:41:23.480
So if you are looking for that single city, again, you're going to want to pick something

1113
01:41:23.480 --> 01:41:25.680
that's close to you.

1114
01:41:25.680 --> 01:41:30.720
And I know some cities are not near you.

1115
01:41:30.720 --> 01:41:37.520
Find the closest one to you or at least one that you can visit and sign up that way.

1116
01:41:37.520 --> 01:41:40.520
Let's see.

1117
01:41:41.520 --> 01:41:46.520
Let's see if I can get any more questions.

1118
01:41:46.520 --> 01:41:52.520
Yep, won't let another man hurt me ever again.

1119
01:41:52.520 --> 01:42:00.520
Yep, that's definitely a common vow that I know many of us, I know I made that.

1120
01:42:00.520 --> 01:42:08.520
And Michelle, so you have some questions that you need to put in the community.

1121
01:42:09.520 --> 01:42:12.520
So I want you doing that this week.

1122
01:42:12.520 --> 01:42:15.520
Okay.

1123
01:42:15.520 --> 01:42:18.520
Is it a bad thing to see if they have past records?

1124
01:42:18.520 --> 01:42:20.520
Okay, that's a good question, Lovelette.

1125
01:42:20.520 --> 01:42:22.520
It's not going to be a bad thing.

1126
01:42:22.520 --> 01:42:26.520
I just don't want you ladies going and like investigating that stuff.

1127
01:42:26.520 --> 01:42:31.520
Because if you are literally like, if that's what you're looking for, ladies,

1128
01:42:31.520 --> 01:42:33.520
you're going to find what you're looking for.

1129
01:42:33.520 --> 01:42:38.520
So I don't want you to spend so much time and so much like anxious, you know,

1130
01:42:38.520 --> 01:42:43.520
energy on like, I've got to go find what's wrong with this person.

1131
01:42:43.520 --> 01:42:46.520
If you're going to be finding, if you're literally in your head saying,

1132
01:42:46.520 --> 01:42:48.520
I'm going to find something wrong with this person, guess what?

1133
01:42:48.520 --> 01:42:49.520
You're going to find something wrong.

1134
01:42:49.520 --> 01:42:52.520
You are going to like literally come up with something in your head

1135
01:42:52.520 --> 01:42:55.520
that's just going to be wrong.

1136
01:42:55.520 --> 01:43:02.520
I truly do believe that God will allow things to just surface.

1137
01:43:02.520 --> 01:43:04.520
Believe it or not.

1138
01:43:04.520 --> 01:43:10.520
When you come to the table with curiosity and you ask curious questions,

1139
01:43:10.520 --> 01:43:16.520
and you really do truly want to know, not because you're afraid

1140
01:43:16.520 --> 01:43:19.520
or you're trying to interrogate them or, you know,

1141
01:43:19.520 --> 01:43:22.520
prove that they're not a good person.

1142
01:43:22.520 --> 01:43:28.520
Like you'll be surprised like some of the things that you find out.

1143
01:43:29.520 --> 01:43:35.520
And then there is a groundedness that comes with it, that it will not faze you.

1144
01:43:35.520 --> 01:43:38.520
That you'll just be like, oh, well, that's interesting.

1145
01:43:38.520 --> 01:43:41.520
Okay, well, thank you for sharing that with me.

1146
01:43:41.520 --> 01:43:46.520
But it's, you know, about 145.

1147
01:43:46.520 --> 01:43:48.520
I got an appointment at two o'clock.

1148
01:43:48.520 --> 01:43:53.520
So it was such a nice time getting to know you.

1149
01:43:53.520 --> 01:43:57.520
How about we connect here in a couple of days and we'll see where we're both at.

1150
01:43:57.520 --> 01:44:01.520
And if we want to proceed doing this again.

1151
01:44:01.520 --> 01:44:03.520
And then you leave.

1152
01:44:03.520 --> 01:44:05.520
Or you hang up the phone.

1153
01:44:05.520 --> 01:44:08.520
And then you say, yeah, you know, I had some time to think.

1154
01:44:08.520 --> 01:44:11.520
I don't see this moving in a forward direction.

1155
01:44:11.520 --> 01:44:13.520
I wish you the best of luck.

1156
01:44:13.520 --> 01:44:17.520
Like, and you're not, like, it's not going to cause a reaction in you.

1157
01:44:17.520 --> 01:44:19.520
Because you're leading with curiosity.

1158
01:44:19.520 --> 01:44:23.520
And you're not like worried about being fearful of something.

1159
01:44:23.520 --> 01:44:26.520
Does that make sense?

1160
01:44:26.520 --> 01:44:28.520
So hopefully, I know you're at work.

1161
01:44:28.520 --> 01:44:30.520
So you can't probably respond.

1162
01:44:30.520 --> 01:44:33.520
So I don't think it's a bad thing.

1163
01:44:33.520 --> 01:44:37.520
I think it's a God thing when it gets revealed.

1164
01:44:37.520 --> 01:44:41.520
Not coming from, like, you playing detective.

1165
01:44:41.520 --> 01:44:45.520
Does that make sense?

1166
01:44:45.520 --> 01:44:48.520
And then, okay, so I think that got done.

1167
01:44:48.520 --> 01:44:53.520
Yep, she did that.

1168
01:44:53.520 --> 01:44:55.520
Okay, I do see Nadine.

1169
01:44:55.520 --> 01:44:56.520
Yep, she's in and out of work.

1170
01:44:56.520 --> 01:44:57.520
Okay.

1171
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:05.400
in the app too and so I've got to go in today in the next few days to kind of

1172
01:45:05.400 --> 01:45:09.800
see because I've got to go back ladies and still I'll respond to you but it

1173
01:45:09.800 --> 01:45:15.800
does not notify me if you respond to my response to you so I've got to go back

1174
01:45:15.800 --> 01:45:20.920
and go search all of that stuff so it does take me a little bit more time but

1175
01:45:20.920 --> 01:45:26.040
know that I have a system now where I'm like writing these things down so that I

1176
01:45:26.040 --> 01:45:31.640
go and follow up because I know there were times I was like I know I I know I

1177
01:45:31.640 --> 01:45:35.760
responded to somebody and I cannot remember who it was and then I can't go

1178
01:45:35.760 --> 01:45:40.000
and I go scroll and I can't find it so I'm like I'm gonna start writing it down

1179
01:45:40.000 --> 01:45:47.280
so I can always go verify and then if we do just send us another post and say hey

1180
01:45:47.280 --> 01:45:56.640
a few days ago I responded and I don't know if you saw it so and I I haven't

1181
01:45:56.640 --> 01:46:01.000
gotten the updates about the app and what they've been able to get worked out

1182
01:46:01.000 --> 01:46:09.880
yet so I'll have to do that okay I'm just seeing if there were any more

1183
01:46:09.880 --> 01:46:13.360
questions here

1184
01:46:17.360 --> 01:46:23.720
okay yep I find I have to stop making up stories about what the man is like

1185
01:46:23.720 --> 01:46:30.600
thinking based on the profile that's so yes like we can read a profile and like

1186
01:46:30.600 --> 01:46:38.280
envision what they are like whether it's good or bad like some sometimes I had to

1187
01:46:38.280 --> 01:46:43.160
watch myself because then I would get this like fantasy oh this me must be

1188
01:46:43.160 --> 01:46:47.720
this great person and then all of a sudden that like and that's what I want

1189
01:46:47.720 --> 01:46:51.520
to believe and then they start like maybe I was interacting with them or

1190
01:46:51.520 --> 01:46:55.960
went on a date with them and they would start showing some yellow flags but I

1191
01:46:55.960 --> 01:47:01.600
had already envisioned them to be something wonderful and spectacular based

1192
01:47:01.600 --> 01:47:07.760
on what they portrayed in a profile or how they showed up maybe on a first or

1193
01:47:07.760 --> 01:47:16.400
second date or something and I wasn't looking at the flags okay and so I was

1194
01:47:16.400 --> 01:47:22.560
like my my thing was I there would be red flags and I wouldn't see that there

1195
01:47:22.560 --> 01:47:28.520
were red I would look at them being like oh that's not a red flag that's oh it's

1196
01:47:28.520 --> 01:47:36.720
okay that's probably like a lime green flag or maybe slightly yellow

1197
01:47:37.760 --> 01:47:44.040
I was just not like I was just you know I I had so much grace for everybody

1198
01:47:44.040 --> 01:47:50.440
because I just wanted I just wanted to be in love and then what happened then I

1199
01:47:50.440 --> 01:47:55.280
kind of switched to the other side everybody had a red flag once you've

1200
01:47:55.280 --> 01:47:58.480
been hurt so many times you're like that's red flag mm-hmm

1201
01:47:58.480 --> 01:48:02.920
nope red flag red flag red flag I mean I was like I don't know what those people

1202
01:48:02.920 --> 01:48:07.280
on the the referees in soccer I think goodness my youngest does not play

1203
01:48:07.280 --> 01:48:13.640
soccer he's he wanted to and he was good and then I we transitioned him to

1204
01:48:13.640 --> 01:48:17.240
baseball he's asked to play soccer again but I'm like please no cuz I don't

1205
01:48:17.240 --> 01:48:21.000
understand that sport but it was like all the red flags I'd be throwing them

1206
01:48:21.000 --> 01:48:26.760
at everybody and I know some of y'all do that too because you'll sit there and be

1207
01:48:26.760 --> 01:48:32.600
like oh he did this and this is a red flag for me and and then I'll come

1208
01:48:32.600 --> 01:48:38.160
behind there I'll be like okay I can see that you don't like this but honey this

1209
01:48:38.160 --> 01:48:44.640
isn't a red flag this is a yellow let's get curious let's be open to finding

1210
01:48:44.640 --> 01:48:51.080
some more information out and sometimes those yellow flags do turn red and

1211
01:48:51.080 --> 01:48:55.920
sometimes those flags that we thought were red that are actually yellow

1212
01:48:55.920 --> 01:49:03.160
they'll actually turn green too does a man exist that is actually okay with

1213
01:49:03.160 --> 01:49:09.320
losing yes they do they just won't tell you

1214
01:49:13.520 --> 01:49:19.040
that's funny so okay Lou you said I literally did that with the guy I'm

1215
01:49:19.040 --> 01:49:23.440
chatting to he told me he was between churches and my immediate thought is

1216
01:49:23.480 --> 01:49:29.560
I've been here before and what it really means is he doesn't go a month later he

1217
01:49:29.560 --> 01:49:33.560
is telling me about his new church and how it's such a good fit for a son to so

1218
01:49:33.560 --> 01:49:41.040
see I love that so sometimes people can be in between churches or you know there

1219
01:49:41.040 --> 01:49:47.440
was a season y'all like I wasn't going to a church I was actually like this

1220
01:49:47.440 --> 01:49:53.960
community was my like spiritual you know connect like I looked like Jackie

1221
01:49:53.960 --> 01:50:01.280
is always like she's very Holy Spirit filled and I would like

1222
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:05.600
what we would be talking about or whatever like that the messages that she

1223
01:50:05.600 --> 01:50:10.080
was speaking on always spoke to me and I mean even now like Supernatural

1224
01:50:10.080 --> 01:50:14.280
Saturdays would is typically aligned with the things like my pastor does or

1225
01:50:14.280 --> 01:50:19.080
things that I watch from other churches because now after COVID it's like

1226
01:50:19.080 --> 01:50:24.840
everybody puts their stuff on on you know all their sermons are everywhere I

1227
01:50:24.840 --> 01:50:31.360
mean my husband and I have like three four or five different like pastors that

1228
01:50:31.360 --> 01:50:37.040
were like oh we want to watch this sermon series we've gotten to the point

1229
01:50:37.040 --> 01:50:40.520
now we really don't watch a lot of television if anything we watch a lot of

1230
01:50:40.520 --> 01:50:51.280
sermons which is nice so like you know so yeah I love that so don't just write

1231
01:50:51.280 --> 01:50:54.480
someone off right away just because they don't go to church or they or they're

1232
01:50:54.480 --> 01:51:00.600
not a certain belief or faith is you I know you know I and Bethany would

1233
01:51:00.600 --> 01:51:04.400
probably be okay with me sharing this because she shares this before is you

1234
01:51:04.400 --> 01:51:08.200
know she had some hesitations about her husband Brian because he wasn't the same

1235
01:51:08.200 --> 01:51:16.480
denomination as her and you know she's actually has shared how it's grown her

1236
01:51:16.480 --> 01:51:22.920
and her faith in her by being able to experience with her husband pastoring in

1237
01:51:22.920 --> 01:51:27.560
a different church and now that they've they've moved on and he pastors somewhere

1238
01:51:27.560 --> 01:51:31.440
else and they've moved but like she would have missed out on some really

1239
01:51:31.440 --> 01:51:36.400
incredible opportunities because her husband is a really awesome guy and so

1240
01:51:36.400 --> 01:51:41.920
like at first that was kind of a mmm it's not the same denomination I don't

1241
01:51:41.920 --> 01:51:48.240
know if we'll really get along and you know it they're they're like perfectly

1242
01:51:48.240 --> 01:51:54.920
matched for each other and yeah I don't think Kathleen is still here but she was

1243
01:51:54.920 --> 01:51:59.600
the one that was a single mom about like how do we not waste time with someone

1244
01:51:59.600 --> 01:52:07.040
without being self-defended and so again if I want you ladies this comes up often

1245
01:52:07.040 --> 01:52:11.960
and I can't remember if this was part of the teaching I did a few weeks ago or

1246
01:52:11.960 --> 01:52:21.480
not I want us to really spend some time talking about this wasting time I get

1247
01:52:21.480 --> 01:52:29.480
this a lot from us ladies in phase two we don't want to waste our time with the

1248
01:52:29.480 --> 01:52:38.320
wrong person however I want us to shift out of this mindset that we're wasting

1249
01:52:38.320 --> 01:52:45.560
time like time is scarce yes I get it we only have so much time on earth but

1250
01:52:45.560 --> 01:52:57.200
it's what we do with that time and what God can do with that time so you might

1251
01:52:57.200 --> 01:53:02.960
go out with someone that's not your person but by going out with that person

1252
01:53:02.960 --> 01:53:14.760
what can that time with them what can God do to help reveal something to you

1253
01:53:14.760 --> 01:53:20.680
that's gonna grow you into something bigger does that make sense I feel like

1254
01:53:20.680 --> 01:53:29.760
that was a lot of words but being able to look at each day in each opportunity

1255
01:53:29.760 --> 01:53:35.360
as something to grow in that God is going to God's gonna give me a new like

1256
01:53:35.360 --> 01:53:41.520
new vision new wisdom new something with each opportunity you're gonna be able to

1257
01:53:41.520 --> 01:53:46.000
gain something from it he's not gonna let anything go to waste like God does

1258
01:53:46.000 --> 01:53:49.120
not waste time

1259
01:53:50.040 --> 01:53:54.360
I feel like we're the ones that waste time

1260
01:53:54.560 --> 01:53:59.760
we waste time because we don't look at things as value

1261
01:54:02.480 --> 01:54:07.960
so that's kind of what I wanted to touch on with Kathleen I know she had to jump

1262
01:54:07.960 --> 01:54:15.080
off but you know what can you learn you can learn so many different things about

1263
01:54:15.080 --> 01:54:19.480
yourself y'all I learned more about myself with some of the bad dates that

1264
01:54:19.480 --> 01:54:23.920
I've been on and then I learned like like one of the things that I loved is

1265
01:54:23.920 --> 01:54:32.360
learning wow I'm not attracted to these these guys anymore like those were the

1266
01:54:32.360 --> 01:54:36.040
guys of guys that I would be attracted to the ones that weren't good for me

1267
01:54:36.040 --> 01:54:40.760
those were the ones that I wanted to go date and then all sudden I'm like get

1268
01:54:40.760 --> 01:54:45.160
some hard work and then I'm like oh that's not attractive and then I was

1269
01:54:45.160 --> 01:54:51.440
recognizing I'm like wow I what I wish I was not attracted to this for like a

1270
01:54:51.440 --> 01:54:58.080
decade ago I would have saved myself some time but I was embracing the fact

1271
01:54:58.080 --> 01:55:02.000
you know what I didn't have to I was

1272
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:05.600
learning about it now, and I was embracing it. I knew that God was going to do something with it.

1273
01:55:06.320 --> 01:55:10.480
Okay, so Suzanne had some things here. Okay, I felt difference between those two types lately.

1274
01:55:11.200 --> 01:55:18.560
I was chatting since a week, was saying how happy he was by writing. I'm so thankful that I met you.

1275
01:55:18.560 --> 01:55:26.320
I could scream. It is obviously that Jesus made us meet. My old self-defended was scared. My new God

1276
01:55:26.720 --> 01:55:31.200
first calmed down and peacefully replied, well, let's talk on the phone and see how we move on.

1277
01:55:32.240 --> 01:55:40.000
Exactly. So yeah, she's recognizing like, whoa, that's a little much. Like I'm a little scared

1278
01:55:40.000 --> 01:55:45.040
by that, but she was able to approach it like, hey, I'm going to set a boundary

1279
01:55:46.800 --> 01:55:52.720
and let's do this first. Y'all, my husband, I always laugh at this because we talk about,

1280
01:55:53.680 --> 01:55:59.360
I share the story all the time. And he thinks it's funny that I share it with y'all because

1281
01:55:59.360 --> 01:56:04.160
his thought process when I shared this with him, because he was coming to visit me.

1282
01:56:05.200 --> 01:56:12.320
The first time he was living in Texas, I was Florida and he was coming for like a weekend.

1283
01:56:12.320 --> 01:56:17.200
And he's like, so am I going to get to spend more than like one day with you? Like, am I

1284
01:56:17.200 --> 01:56:22.240
going to get to see you multiple times over the weekend? And I had never met him in person.

1285
01:56:23.200 --> 01:56:31.360
And like, and I didn't follow like the guardrails of like even having a phone conversation or a

1286
01:56:31.360 --> 01:56:36.480
video call with him. And we had been chatting through text message for three weeks. Like

1287
01:56:37.040 --> 01:56:44.640
that was a big oops on my part. Like we don't advise you ladies to do that. And so I was like,

1288
01:56:44.640 --> 01:56:48.240
I hadn't even like talked to this guy on the phone except the night before. And so he's

1289
01:56:48.240 --> 01:56:51.360
asking me like, so do I get to see you more than once on the weekend? And I was like,

1290
01:56:52.240 --> 01:56:58.240
uh, let's like, let's see how we get along. Like when we meet each other first,

1291
01:56:59.200 --> 01:57:03.360
because I'm thinking I'm not going to promise you like I'm going to hang out with you multiple

1292
01:57:03.360 --> 01:57:09.840
times. What if you're weird? Um, and he didn't say this out loud, but he told me he did think

1293
01:57:09.840 --> 01:57:16.560
about it because he says, when you said that, I thought to myself, oh, she's right. She could be

1294
01:57:16.560 --> 01:57:28.640
crazy. And I was like, yeah, no. Um, but I was like, yeah, like I wasn't going to promise to

1295
01:57:28.640 --> 01:57:35.440
hang out with you like more than once. Like, cause you know, I'm, I'm an honest person.

1296
01:57:35.440 --> 01:57:41.680
I don't like to make promises if I like can't keep them. Like, I'm not going to tell someone

1297
01:57:41.680 --> 01:57:45.520
I'm going to do something and then not feel like I can follow through on that.

1298
01:57:45.520 --> 01:57:53.200
Like I don't like that makes me very uncomfortable. Um, so yes. Okay. Yeah. Then

1299
01:57:53.200 --> 01:57:58.080
people were writing down the questions. Um, perfect. Thank you for doing that.

1300
01:57:59.200 --> 01:58:04.640
Um, okay. Michelle says I'm talking to a new guy. Heard God say, he's not the one either. So what

1301
01:58:04.640 --> 01:58:09.760
do I do keep talking to him or say goodbye? Okay. Is Michelle still here? I don't know if she is or

1302
01:58:09.760 --> 01:58:13.120
not Michelle. Um, that's a good question. Okay. We don't have a whole lot of time,

1303
01:58:13.120 --> 01:58:22.640
but I definitely want to, um, I say, why do you think he's not the one?

1304
01:58:23.280 --> 01:58:27.600
Why do you think God said that? Has there been more than one confirmation from God?

1305
01:58:29.360 --> 01:58:39.120
Um, I heard him say he's not the one last night. Okay. And then I heard him say it again.

1306
01:58:40.080 --> 01:58:47.440
During my prayer time this morning. What, what do you think led to that? Like,

1307
01:58:47.440 --> 01:58:51.600
what about him? Do you feel like, do you feel like there's something about him? That's like,

1308
01:58:52.800 --> 01:58:58.240
does it make sense that you're like, Oh, it doesn't, it doesn't make sense. Good. Okay.

1309
01:58:58.960 --> 01:59:06.800
Um, I say like, well, then can you ask God? All right. He's not the one. Is there a reason

1310
01:59:07.760 --> 01:59:11.040
that you want me to

1311
01:59:14.480 --> 01:59:21.520
interact with him? Is there, is there a purpose in me going on a date with him?

1312
01:59:22.240 --> 01:59:30.400
Is there something that you want me to see that this way, maybe is it you go out on a date with

1313
01:59:30.400 --> 01:59:35.600
him, but don't have the expectations of him being the one, but then God's going to reveal something.

1314
01:59:37.760 --> 01:59:43.280
Okay. Yeah. Start shifting some of your questions. Start taking some of these

1315
01:59:43.280 --> 01:59:50.240
different questions to God. That would be my advice. Yeah. Um, okay.

1316
01:59:50.240 --> 01:59:53.680
Sarah, I love it. You can come to Texas girl.

1317
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:04.920
All right, Kathleen, and yeah, she's not here,

1318
02:00:04.920 --> 02:00:07.280
but I'm gonna read her question, I think.

1319
02:00:07.280 --> 02:00:10.680
Is this kind of profile post too self-protected?

1320
02:00:10.680 --> 02:00:12.600
I love the outdoors, camping, animals,

1321
02:00:12.600 --> 02:00:16.200
early mornings, and hands-on work keep me grounded.

1322
02:00:16.200 --> 02:00:18.960
I've worked ranches and stables across Pennsylvania,

1323
02:00:18.960 --> 02:00:20.560
Ohio, Texas, and California.

1324
02:00:20.560 --> 02:00:24.200
I'm a mom with three kids, old enough to stay home alone,

1325
02:00:24.200 --> 02:00:26.500
young enough to live with me, full custody.

1326
02:00:26.500 --> 02:00:30.740
If you read this reply, I'm counting the cost.

1327
02:00:30.740 --> 02:00:34.620
Face centered, no pretense, gray hair, but full of energy.

1328
02:00:34.620 --> 02:00:36.180
I spent 27 years teaching art

1329
02:00:36.180 --> 02:00:38.980
and now run a local independent business.

1330
02:00:38.980 --> 02:00:40.540
I value real connection, growth,

1331
02:00:40.540 --> 02:00:41.660
and building something new.

1332
02:00:41.660 --> 02:00:43.740
I don't think that's, to me,

1333
02:00:43.740 --> 02:00:47.220
that does not sound self-protected at all.

1334
02:00:47.220 --> 02:00:51.540
That's letting us know what you enjoy.

1335
02:00:53.540 --> 02:00:55.820
You are hardworking, like you enjoy being outdoors.

1336
02:00:56.740 --> 02:01:00.180
It sounds like you've got experience there.

1337
02:01:00.180 --> 02:01:03.220
I like the fact that you share that you have kids

1338
02:01:03.220 --> 02:01:05.340
and that you're also sharing that you have kids

1339
02:01:05.340 --> 02:01:06.900
that are old enough to stay home alone.

1340
02:01:06.900 --> 02:01:08.820
Because for some guys,

1341
02:01:10.740 --> 02:01:13.100
they might not want to date you

1342
02:01:13.100 --> 02:01:18.020
because they might struggle with the idea

1343
02:01:18.020 --> 02:01:20.780
that they might not get to spend as much time with you

1344
02:01:20.780 --> 02:01:23.940
if you have younger kids and can't find sitters.

1345
02:01:23.980 --> 02:01:26.100
That was something that I had to struggle with.

1346
02:01:26.100 --> 02:01:27.900
Some guys were like,

1347
02:01:27.900 --> 02:01:32.780
I want to be able to go out more frequently

1348
02:01:32.780 --> 02:01:35.300
and I couldn't do that.

1349
02:01:35.300 --> 02:01:38.300
I had my son 95% of the time.

1350
02:01:39.780 --> 02:01:42.500
I don't think that's being self-protected at all.

1351
02:01:42.500 --> 02:01:44.060
I think you're being very open.

1352
02:01:44.060 --> 02:01:46.700
I've got kids, but they're old enough

1353
02:01:46.700 --> 02:01:47.820
to be able to stay home.

1354
02:01:47.820 --> 02:01:51.340
So it's not like I have to organize something.

1355
02:01:52.260 --> 02:01:54.420
But they're still young enough

1356
02:01:54.420 --> 02:01:56.740
that they have to live with me and I have custody of them.

1357
02:01:56.740 --> 02:01:59.940
So I still care for them.

1358
02:01:59.940 --> 02:02:01.980
So I think that's important.

1359
02:02:01.980 --> 02:02:05.220
I think she's being specific of like,

1360
02:02:05.220 --> 02:02:10.220
hey, this is, I'm face-centered, I have energy.

1361
02:02:10.500 --> 02:02:14.580
She lets us know a little bit about what she did in the past

1362
02:02:14.580 --> 02:02:16.580
on what she's valuing.

1363
02:02:16.580 --> 02:02:17.820
I would even, Kathleen,

1364
02:02:17.820 --> 02:02:21.180
I would share what qualities and characteristics

1365
02:02:22.020 --> 02:02:24.700
do you find attractive in the opposite sex?

1366
02:02:24.700 --> 02:02:26.420
Like what are you hoping,

1367
02:02:26.420 --> 02:02:30.460
like what draws you to another person?

1368
02:02:32.540 --> 02:02:35.260
So, I mean, obviously having connection

1369
02:02:35.260 --> 02:02:38.700
and being meaningful, like explain that.

1370
02:02:38.700 --> 02:02:41.900
What are some ideal dates even?

1371
02:02:41.900 --> 02:02:45.740
Things that you enjoy doing for like first and second dates.

1372
02:02:46.980 --> 02:02:48.620
So hopefully if you're watching that replay,

1373
02:02:48.620 --> 02:02:50.180
that helped you.

1374
02:02:51.300 --> 02:02:54.020
I think I've got,

1375
02:02:56.380 --> 02:02:58.380
okay, so Sarah, I hope,

1376
02:02:58.380 --> 02:03:01.140
were you here to hear the wasting time?

1377
02:03:01.140 --> 02:03:02.100
Okay, good.

1378
02:03:02.100 --> 02:03:04.220
I know you stepped away for a quick minute.

1379
02:03:07.380 --> 02:03:10.540
Okay, and Nadine, I'm gonna go back in the app.

1380
02:03:10.540 --> 02:03:13.420
Is this one that you've put on the app,

1381
02:03:13.420 --> 02:03:15.780
the question that you had about answering the text

1382
02:03:15.780 --> 02:03:18.300
and understanding how to navigate?

1383
02:03:18.860 --> 02:03:19.860
No, that one just came up,

1384
02:03:19.860 --> 02:03:20.860
but I can put it in the app.

1385
02:03:20.860 --> 02:03:21.700
That's no worries.

1386
02:03:21.700 --> 02:03:22.540
Put that one in the app.

1387
02:03:22.540 --> 02:03:25.060
And I did quickly see,

1388
02:03:25.060 --> 02:03:25.900
earlier this morning,

1389
02:03:25.900 --> 02:03:27.620
I don't think I've gotten to respond.

1390
02:03:27.620 --> 02:03:29.940
I like that you are,

1391
02:03:29.940 --> 02:03:31.540
I think it was, was it you?

1392
02:03:32.420 --> 02:03:35.460
You're going and staying in a hotel, correct?

1393
02:03:35.460 --> 02:03:37.820
Yes, but I was even trying to figure out

1394
02:03:37.820 --> 02:03:39.180
if that's even appropriate.

1395
02:03:39.180 --> 02:03:41.500
I mean, we've had four or five dates now.

1396
02:03:41.500 --> 02:03:43.740
It's been a month and two weeks.

1397
02:03:43.740 --> 02:03:45.780
So I'm, I don't know.

1398
02:03:45.780 --> 02:03:46.660
I just wanted feedback,

1399
02:03:46.660 --> 02:03:48.660
but also like I'm not in the best headspace.

1400
02:03:48.660 --> 02:03:51.180
I've just had so much going on this week.

1401
02:03:51.180 --> 02:03:55.300
So there's a lot that I'm realizing.

1402
02:03:55.300 --> 02:03:56.620
Do you need to just put pause

1403
02:03:56.620 --> 02:03:57.500
and just ask them like,

1404
02:03:57.500 --> 02:03:59.300
hey, can I do this another weekend?

1405
02:04:00.180 --> 02:04:01.700
I was thinking about that too.

1406
02:04:03.580 --> 02:04:04.420
Yeah.

1407
02:04:04.420 --> 02:04:05.900
It's okay to put things on pause

1408
02:04:05.900 --> 02:04:09.780
if you've got other things in your head too.

1409
02:04:09.780 --> 02:04:12.260
Like you don't need to overwork this.

1410
02:04:13.100 --> 02:04:16.340
I think you remind me a lot of myself.

1411
02:04:17.260 --> 02:04:18.700
And correct me if I'm wrong,

1412
02:04:18.700 --> 02:04:20.340
are you like, this is how I was.

1413
02:04:20.340 --> 02:04:22.140
I was like a rule follower.

1414
02:04:22.140 --> 02:04:24.860
Like I like to follow the rules.

1415
02:04:24.860 --> 02:04:27.540
Like I want to be told like this,

1416
02:04:27.540 --> 02:04:30.340
I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.

1417
02:04:30.340 --> 02:04:32.140
Is that how you are as well?

1418
02:04:32.140 --> 02:04:33.340
I think so.

1419
02:04:33.340 --> 02:04:36.180
In some ways I'm getting out of that

1420
02:04:36.180 --> 02:04:38.220
and I'm trying to be free,

1421
02:04:38.220 --> 02:04:41.620
but I think this is why I like the rules

1422
02:04:41.620 --> 02:04:43.620
because when I don't have the rules,

1423
02:04:43.660 --> 02:04:46.500
then I'm not good at keeping my own boundaries.

1424
02:04:46.500 --> 02:04:47.940
And then when that happens,

1425
02:04:47.940 --> 02:04:49.660
then I beat myself up.

1426
02:04:49.660 --> 02:04:51.780
And then it's like this cycle.

1427
02:04:51.780 --> 02:04:54.580
Like I'm literally like tracking everything

1428
02:04:54.580 --> 02:04:56.940
that happens in my mind as things are coming up.

1429
02:04:56.940 --> 02:04:59.300
And there's just so much where like,

1430
02:04:59.300 --> 02:05:00.140
I'm just seeing.

1431
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:03.400
Like even before I got all the healing,

1432
02:05:03.400 --> 02:05:05.160
like a lot of the relationships,

1433
02:05:05.160 --> 02:05:07.640
whether the guy was good or not,

1434
02:05:07.640 --> 02:05:10.480
I'm just seeing like how unhealthy

1435
02:05:10.480 --> 02:05:12.680
my mind patterns have been.

1436
02:05:12.680 --> 02:05:15.880
So yeah, some of that's coming up with this guy.

1437
02:05:15.880 --> 02:05:18.120
He's not doing anything, but I'm mad at him.

1438
02:05:18.120 --> 02:05:20.760
Not that he's done anything.

1439
02:05:20.760 --> 02:05:24.000
One of those situations where it's like,

1440
02:05:24.000 --> 02:05:25.240
you didn't do anything.

1441
02:05:25.240 --> 02:05:26.720
This is all me.

1442
02:05:26.720 --> 02:05:31.480
So what helped me, and I'm just sharing this

1443
02:05:31.480 --> 02:05:36.480
because I can relate to this on so many levels,

1444
02:05:37.520 --> 02:05:42.160
so many levels, the thought process

1445
02:05:42.160 --> 02:05:44.040
and the mindset that we get into

1446
02:05:44.040 --> 02:05:46.160
and the thinking that we kind of get into.

1447
02:05:46.160 --> 02:05:49.360
And it's like, someone could be doing something

1448
02:05:49.360 --> 02:05:53.120
or not doing something and I'll go there.

1449
02:05:54.000 --> 02:05:58.320
I had to learn to kind of start looking inward

1450
02:05:59.200 --> 02:06:02.640
and really getting to like really spending time

1451
02:06:02.640 --> 02:06:07.640
with the Lord and asking, okay, what is it that I value?

1452
02:06:08.920 --> 02:06:12.880
Lord, who do you call me to be?

1453
02:06:12.880 --> 02:06:15.480
Like, I want to abide in you.

1454
02:06:16.520 --> 02:06:19.440
These are the things that I wanna align with.

1455
02:06:19.440 --> 02:06:21.480
What would you like?

1456
02:06:21.480 --> 02:06:23.000
How would you like me to show up?

1457
02:06:23.880 --> 02:06:25.080
Because here's the thing.

1458
02:06:26.200 --> 02:06:28.640
God is a God that gives us choice,

1459
02:06:31.040 --> 02:06:36.040
but he's also created us to be certain,

1460
02:06:37.480 --> 02:06:40.120
like we are who we are.

1461
02:06:40.120 --> 02:06:42.960
Like, are you kind?

1462
02:06:44.160 --> 02:06:45.800
Well, yes, I'm kind.

1463
02:06:45.800 --> 02:06:47.920
God created me to be kind.

1464
02:06:48.840 --> 02:06:53.840
Okay, I have a choice on how I show kindness.

1465
02:06:56.040 --> 02:07:00.120
Doesn't mean I have to follow rules of how to be kind.

1466
02:07:00.120 --> 02:07:04.280
I have a choice on how I show up in my kindness.

1467
02:07:05.480 --> 02:07:10.480
And so as you reflect, okay, God, who am I?

1468
02:07:11.400 --> 02:07:13.840
Who have you created me to be?

1469
02:07:13.840 --> 02:07:15.840
What do I value?

1470
02:07:15.840 --> 02:07:19.960
What's important to me is important to you.

1471
02:07:19.960 --> 02:07:22.560
So now I have a choice on how I show up.

1472
02:07:24.200 --> 02:07:25.920
I don't have to follow a rule,

1473
02:07:27.040 --> 02:07:28.720
but when I get the choice,

1474
02:07:28.720 --> 02:07:32.400
I'm going to choose the way that you

1475
02:07:32.400 --> 02:07:35.040
have already made me to be.

1476
02:07:36.120 --> 02:07:37.480
Does that make sense?

1477
02:07:37.480 --> 02:07:38.320
Yeah.

1478
02:07:39.280 --> 02:07:43.280
Like spend time more looking at who you are

1479
02:07:43.320 --> 02:07:46.480
and your identity and how you show up in that way.

1480
02:07:48.360 --> 02:07:50.160
And not so much on,

1481
02:07:50.160 --> 02:07:51.440
cause here's the thing,

1482
02:07:51.440 --> 02:07:55.000
if you're looking at like how others show up

1483
02:07:55.000 --> 02:07:56.960
and how if this, that,

1484
02:07:56.960 --> 02:07:58.880
or I've got to show up this way

1485
02:07:58.880 --> 02:08:03.560
and that your head will go that way.

1486
02:08:04.680 --> 02:08:06.280
I've been doing that in my marriage even

1487
02:08:06.280 --> 02:08:08.000
and with my bonus kids.

1488
02:08:08.000 --> 02:08:09.480
I'm sitting here thinking,

1489
02:08:09.480 --> 02:08:13.120
why am I constantly like in my thoughts like this?

1490
02:08:13.960 --> 02:08:17.520
And it's because I love and care about my family

1491
02:08:17.520 --> 02:08:19.160
and my husband so much

1492
02:08:20.520 --> 02:08:25.520
that I just oftentimes don't want to let them down,

1493
02:08:28.360 --> 02:08:30.840
that I overwork it.

1494
02:08:30.840 --> 02:08:33.880
And then that eventually still lets them down

1495
02:08:33.880 --> 02:08:36.400
because then I'm not showing up authentically.

1496
02:08:37.360 --> 02:08:40.280
I'm showing up by overdoing something.

1497
02:08:41.280 --> 02:08:43.960
And so when I sit back and be like,

1498
02:08:43.960 --> 02:08:48.560
I am a kind mother and God is showing me each day

1499
02:08:48.560 --> 02:08:51.320
how to show up in kindness with my children.

1500
02:08:51.320 --> 02:08:54.480
Not in how I think they want me to show up,

1501
02:08:54.480 --> 02:08:58.240
but how God is showing me to show up.

1502
02:09:00.240 --> 02:09:04.240
So spend time with the thought,

1503
02:09:06.240 --> 02:09:07.920
you can give me rules,

1504
02:09:08.280 --> 02:09:11.600
but at the end of the day, you created me for free will

1505
02:09:13.400 --> 02:09:15.360
and I get to choose.

1506
02:09:15.360 --> 02:09:17.080
And so if you've got a lot on your plate right now

1507
02:09:17.080 --> 02:09:20.680
and you say, hey, I've got a lot going on.

1508
02:09:20.680 --> 02:09:25.320
I want to spend the week kind of clearing my head.

1509
02:09:25.320 --> 02:09:27.200
Can we reschedule for another week

1510
02:09:27.200 --> 02:09:29.360
with that be okay with you?

1511
02:09:29.360 --> 02:09:30.760
You're able to do that

1512
02:09:31.720 --> 02:09:35.120
and you don't have to worry about how he responds

1513
02:09:35.120 --> 02:09:36.240
or doesn't respond.

1514
02:09:37.920 --> 02:09:41.600
Because if you believe that God is calling you to show up

1515
02:09:41.600 --> 02:09:45.480
and honor you and who he's called you to be,

1516
02:09:45.480 --> 02:09:47.880
you're not gonna do anything wrong.

1517
02:09:49.480 --> 02:09:50.320
Does that make sense?

1518
02:09:50.320 --> 02:09:53.560
Yeah, I think everything that you said is like spot on.

1519
02:09:53.560 --> 02:09:56.520
And I know that the Lord's trying to teach me

1520
02:09:56.520 --> 02:09:58.160
to take care of myself

1521
02:09:58.160 --> 02:10:00.160
because I can't pour from an empty cup.

1522
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:06.080
And I think this is, it's so hard for me to do that because I've trained myself to always

1523
02:10:06.080 --> 02:10:08.120
give, give, give to everyone else.

1524
02:10:08.120 --> 02:10:12.320
And I think that's why right now I'm just like depleted because I'm like, I'm so empty

1525
02:10:12.320 --> 02:10:15.080
right now, but it's kind of hard to hear from God.

1526
02:10:15.080 --> 02:10:17.040
Go sit, spend time with the Lord.

1527
02:10:17.040 --> 02:10:19.320
Like I had to do that a couple of weeks ago.

1528
02:10:19.320 --> 02:10:22.680
I had to literally just be like, I am not doing anything.

1529
02:10:22.680 --> 02:10:27.280
And I just sat and worshiped and prayed and journaled and just, I mean, I was in my Bible

1530
02:10:27.280 --> 02:10:33.920
and worshiping and pray like first, probably a solid week because I was like, Lord, what

1531
02:10:33.920 --> 02:10:42.320
I need to hear from you and it, it will really do you some good where it was, it will do

1532
02:10:42.320 --> 02:10:45.640
you so much good.

1533
02:10:45.640 --> 02:10:53.840
And being able to reflect on where, like what's that rooted in trying to please everyone else

1534
02:10:53.840 --> 02:10:56.600
and do for everyone else.

1535
02:10:56.600 --> 02:11:01.800
Because we, we tend to do that and it's still like we people please, but it's tend to, it's,

1536
02:11:01.800 --> 02:11:05.360
it's still manipulation.

1537
02:11:05.360 --> 02:11:13.640
It's a, it's a really weird form of manipulation of I'm pleasing person because I'm wanting

1538
02:11:13.640 --> 02:11:14.640
something.

1539
02:11:14.640 --> 02:11:16.720
I'm wanting them to respond a certain way.

1540
02:11:16.720 --> 02:11:21.880
So you see how that manipulate, I manipulate, I want them to respond a certain way.

1541
02:11:21.880 --> 02:11:25.120
So I'm going to do something that will get them to respond the way that I want them to

1542
02:11:25.120 --> 02:11:26.120
respond.

1543
02:11:26.120 --> 02:11:27.120
Okay.

1544
02:11:27.120 --> 02:11:32.520
And I'm going to sit here and be like, I have a good intention because I care about them.

1545
02:11:32.520 --> 02:11:37.200
But do you see how it, the way we operate in it isn't very healthy.

1546
02:11:37.200 --> 02:11:38.200
Yeah.

1547
02:11:38.200 --> 02:11:45.640
Like once you start looking at what is it that I'm trying to get and why, and then replace

1548
02:11:45.640 --> 02:11:50.560
it with what is it that God actually says is true.

1549
02:11:50.760 --> 02:11:57.800
I was always like, so for example, I love to have things clean and organized.

1550
02:11:57.800 --> 02:12:05.480
I'm a person of structure, structure, organization, clean, or like, that's just me.

1551
02:12:05.480 --> 02:12:06.560
I value it.

1552
02:12:06.560 --> 02:12:07.800
I love it.

1553
02:12:07.800 --> 02:12:09.720
I operate really good out of that.

1554
02:12:09.720 --> 02:12:15.280
I'm my best self when things are like flowing like that.

1555
02:12:15.280 --> 02:12:24.640
My kids and my husband, they don't see like, they think you just want everything perfect.

1556
02:12:24.640 --> 02:12:30.160
And I like, I started carrying that as a negative thing.

1557
02:12:30.160 --> 02:12:38.160
And I'm like, wait a second, that's not true.

1558
02:12:38.160 --> 02:12:39.680
It's not about perfect.

1559
02:12:39.680 --> 02:12:42.720
It's about the love and consideration that I have.

1560
02:12:42.720 --> 02:12:49.200
But I was trying to force them to do what I wanted them to do because I wanted them

1561
02:12:49.200 --> 02:12:51.360
to see me as loving and all that.

1562
02:12:51.360 --> 02:12:54.680
But I was like, I don't need to force them to see it.

1563
02:12:54.680 --> 02:12:58.040
I already know I love them.

1564
02:12:58.040 --> 02:13:01.160
So I just need to show up.

1565
02:13:01.160 --> 02:13:03.680
And it's not about the perfection.

1566
02:13:03.680 --> 02:13:08.400
And so that, and it's like, since then it's like, oh, everything flows.

1567
02:13:08.400 --> 02:13:14.080
So it's once we can sit and see and watch how we can operate in that, it really does

1568
02:13:14.080 --> 02:13:15.080
unlock a lot.

1569
02:13:15.080 --> 02:13:19.960
So if you have to take a pause, you're allowed to do that.

1570
02:13:19.960 --> 02:13:21.600
Thank you.

1571
02:13:21.600 --> 02:13:26.280
Can I ask real quick, there's a text message and I really don't know how to respond.

1572
02:13:26.280 --> 02:13:29.560
Okay, I'll make it super quick.

1573
02:13:29.560 --> 02:13:34.640
But we were talking about like the basketball brackets and I'm not a sports person.

1574
02:13:34.640 --> 02:13:41.720
And I guess the way that I responded, he thought that I was talking about the dating

1575
02:13:41.720 --> 02:13:43.880
apps.

1576
02:13:43.880 --> 02:13:46.440
And so he said, I misunderstood your message.

1577
02:13:46.440 --> 02:13:51.680
I thought you meant you deleted the Facebook dating app because early on in our conversation,

1578
02:13:51.680 --> 02:13:56.680
he had deleted his and he said that he just prefers to just get to know one person at

1579
02:13:56.680 --> 02:13:57.680
a time.

1580
02:13:57.680 --> 02:13:59.360
And we haven't talked about it since.

1581
02:13:59.360 --> 02:14:03.000
And it's been a month and like two weeks and we haven't really talked about like where

1582
02:14:03.000 --> 02:14:04.000
we're at.

1583
02:14:04.000 --> 02:14:06.880
And we've been enjoying, you know, getting to know each other.

1584
02:14:06.880 --> 02:14:10.960
And so then he said, I guess it's not really a separate app, haha, I wanted to size up

1585
02:14:10.960 --> 02:14:16.000
the competition, and then changed it back to like the bracket thing.

1586
02:14:16.000 --> 02:14:23.360
So I guess for me, my initial thought is, okay, like, I don't know, I kind of look at

1587
02:14:23.360 --> 02:14:30.120
it like, okay, so you're fine with there being competition, so you must not be that interested.

1588
02:14:30.120 --> 02:14:35.560
You know, or maybe, okay, is this overanalyze, are you overanalyzing what he's saying?

1589
02:14:35.560 --> 02:14:37.360
Are you going to get curious?

1590
02:14:37.360 --> 02:14:39.840
Okay, then help me with this.

1591
02:14:39.840 --> 02:14:41.400
There we go.

1592
02:14:41.400 --> 02:14:45.360
That was the first like, that's the first thought like, let's not think about well,

1593
02:14:45.360 --> 02:14:46.760
oh, is he thinking this?

1594
02:14:46.760 --> 02:14:49.520
Is this why he said this?

1595
02:14:49.520 --> 02:14:55.600
He could just be saying it because he's nervous or he's like, who knows, like, are they're

1596
02:14:55.600 --> 02:14:58.040
just trying to be flirty?

1597
02:14:58.040 --> 02:14:59.440
Like he's trying to be witty.

1598
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:01.800
like

1599
02:15:01.800 --> 02:15:07.360
Sometimes guys don't think before they open their mouth. I have to say that kind of quiet because my husband did come home

1600
02:15:07.960 --> 02:15:09.960
he's in his office, but

1601
02:15:10.880 --> 02:15:16.100
But yeah, so I wouldn't don't don't overanalyze it don't think it you know

1602
02:15:18.040 --> 02:15:24.080
That would be my advice how do I respond just get curious about it? What do I ask?

1603
02:15:27.440 --> 02:15:29.440
Well, I mean

1604
02:15:30.960 --> 02:15:32.960
Hmm

1605
02:15:33.400 --> 02:15:38.320
Like usually I'm really good at this kind of stuff like I can because I'm pretty witty about things but

1606
02:15:44.240 --> 02:15:48.800
Is this this isn't the guy that you're going to go visit is it this is him I'm I

1607
02:15:49.080 --> 02:15:53.840
Ebony I was telling her about just it was overwhelming with all the trying to keep

1608
02:15:54.400 --> 02:15:57.400
Talking to other guys and with all that I have going on

1609
02:15:57.400 --> 02:16:00.200
And so she just encouraged me just to keep getting to know him

1610
02:16:00.640 --> 02:16:05.800
So if something naturally comes up for a date with another guy, I'll I'll go on it

1611
02:16:06.240 --> 02:16:09.180
But I'm not kind of actively pursuing anything else

1612
02:16:09.720 --> 02:16:11.200
Okay

1613
02:16:11.200 --> 02:16:13.200
so

1614
02:16:16.160 --> 02:16:21.520
Last year, okay with last year single like we definitely want men leading the exclusivity talk

1615
02:16:22.360 --> 02:16:23.640
Okay

1616
02:16:23.640 --> 02:16:29.600
Like that one I think is is huge sometimes though depending on the male

1617
02:16:30.720 --> 02:16:32.719
or if we've

1618
02:16:33.080 --> 02:16:37.959
Made it awkward because I'm a I'm a person that can make things awkward sometimes. Um,

1619
02:16:41.040 --> 02:16:46.719
They can get the wrong message and then they can get nervous about it it will just depend on his personality

1620
02:16:47.240 --> 02:16:52.240
Continue to still kind of get to know him and see how things pan out

1621
02:16:53.680 --> 02:16:56.680
You can get curious just by some of your own

1622
02:16:57.879 --> 02:16:59.879
questions about

1623
02:16:59.959 --> 02:17:01.959
Like as you're getting to know him

1624
02:17:02.879 --> 02:17:09.040
He'll subtly be able to I think you'll figure out whether he is interested in

1625
02:17:09.879 --> 02:17:11.240
getting

1626
02:17:11.240 --> 02:17:15.760
being more serious with you or not or dating or being and like

1627
02:17:16.320 --> 02:17:21.200
Getting on the app like you're gonna see like to me that sounds to me. It sounds more like

1628
02:17:21.799 --> 02:17:23.799
He's not really

1629
02:17:25.080 --> 02:17:27.719
Interested in the competition

1630
02:17:28.719 --> 02:17:31.559
He's just trying not to sound too eager

1631
02:17:33.000 --> 02:17:33.959
Okay

1632
02:17:33.959 --> 02:17:39.600
Well, and he made him he made a comment on the phone the other day about like when I met when I meet his brother

1633
02:17:39.600 --> 02:17:41.879
So it's one of those things where it's

1634
02:17:43.680 --> 02:17:48.400
Now that like I'm glad I asked that like his first second I thought maybe you were talking about a different person

1635
02:17:49.120 --> 02:17:51.120
Cuz even him like

1636
02:17:51.600 --> 02:17:55.799
Offering to save you money like he's showing

1637
02:17:56.959 --> 02:17:58.959
interest in

1638
02:18:00.080 --> 02:18:07.559
Consideration like he's not trying to get you to come visit him and he's been the one that I think I asked you like

1639
02:18:07.559 --> 02:18:12.080
Is he is he financially kind of supporting that whole thing?

1640
02:18:12.080 --> 02:18:16.559
Is he coming to you and it sounds like he is definitely leading that

1641
02:18:17.000 --> 02:18:19.680
He is and he didn't ask me to go see him

1642
02:18:19.680 --> 02:18:23.440
I just felt bad that like he's driven down four different times

1643
02:18:24.120 --> 02:18:29.040
And I just I don't know. I I used to be the person that I was like, oh

1644
02:18:29.040 --> 02:18:31.760
I'm not doing anything like you're doing all the work, you know

1645
02:18:31.760 --> 02:18:35.400
and so I'm I know the Lord's healed me in that way and so now it's like

1646
02:18:35.959 --> 02:18:41.520
After he's given some that I'm like, okay, I feel safe enough to also return some so yeah

1647
02:18:41.520 --> 02:18:44.080
I think that that will be good for you, too

1648
02:18:44.080 --> 02:18:50.400
It's like you open up and you're you're now you're getting a little vulnerable to and kind of showing the interest

1649
02:18:50.400 --> 02:18:52.400
And so what some of this?

1650
02:18:53.559 --> 02:18:59.200
Overanalyzing could be is because it's a little uncomfortable. Yeah, there's some risk here now

1651
02:19:00.600 --> 02:19:05.520
you know, you've got some guards up and you're starting to let some guards down and

1652
02:19:06.680 --> 02:19:09.480
So just know it will feel uncomfortable

1653
02:19:10.480 --> 02:19:15.719
But just because it's uncomfortable doesn't mean that it's not God

1654
02:19:17.760 --> 02:19:19.200
Okay

1655
02:19:19.200 --> 02:19:21.680
You're still safe. You're still God defending

1656
02:19:22.520 --> 02:19:27.920
All right, you've got us as a community here. You've got us here walking with you

1657
02:19:27.920 --> 02:19:30.959
Okay, we're gonna help you see blind spots and anything like that

1658
02:19:33.320 --> 02:19:36.760
Enjoy the process. That's what Jackie had to tell me a lot

1659
02:19:37.719 --> 02:19:41.520
Like she's just like go have fun with it. I just have fun

1660
02:19:42.840 --> 02:19:44.719
enjoy

1661
02:19:44.719 --> 02:19:46.799
Enjoy someone treating you well

1662
02:19:49.840 --> 02:19:51.280
Easier when we're in person

1663
02:19:51.280 --> 02:19:54.880
It's the the lapse in between and now that you know

1664
02:19:54.880 --> 02:20:00.040
He's an hour away and so I can't hang out on the weekends that I have my son. So it's like every

1665
02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:06.720
two weeks and it's like this my poor mind it's like the warfare that I've

1666
02:20:06.720 --> 02:20:10.960
been but he's the only person that I've had such warfare with it's interesting

1667
02:20:10.960 --> 02:20:18.040
time spend some time and ask yourself like what's this what's the fear what

1668
02:20:18.040 --> 02:20:24.920
are you scared of it's gonna reveal a lot there there's some there's been some

1669
02:20:24.920 --> 02:20:30.360
pain in the past there's been some hurt you've opened yourself up and you've got

1670
02:20:30.360 --> 02:20:37.680
me especially I mean I know this is being a single mom you know you have you

1671
02:20:37.680 --> 02:20:44.160
have a kid with somebody like that's pretty vulnerable and so the idea of

1672
02:20:44.160 --> 02:20:48.040
opening yourself up to someone else now and then it's not just you it's your

1673
02:20:48.040 --> 02:20:52.640
child too there's gonna be some vulnerability and then if you've already

1674
02:20:52.640 --> 02:21:00.760
kind of felt that that pain before it's it's gonna be it's there's gonna be

1675
02:21:00.760 --> 02:21:06.680
challenges there but it's nothing that God's not sitting right next to you and

1676
02:21:06.680 --> 02:21:15.040
walking alongside you in he's got you through that and it's it is about

1677
02:21:15.040 --> 02:21:23.040
enjoying that process and watch this man just show up godly to you and what

1678
02:21:23.040 --> 02:21:30.960
are ways that you know God is showing you know himself to you through this guy

1679
02:21:30.960 --> 02:21:39.560
and how you know is he doing that is this man honoring God by how the guy is

1680
02:21:39.560 --> 02:21:48.000
showing up not just with you but with others and enjoy that like there are

1681
02:21:48.000 --> 02:21:53.960
doesn't mean that this man's gonna be perfect because there's no such thing

1682
02:21:53.960 --> 02:22:03.400
but being able to really embrace I mean like okay I can I can go at this being

1683
02:22:03.400 --> 02:22:10.280
God defended and I know I'm protected but spend some time with that like it

1684
02:22:10.280 --> 02:22:18.240
what what is this space apart what's the fear what am I really scared of are you

1685
02:22:18.240 --> 02:22:25.760
scared that you know you've spent some time getting to know him and it's it's

1686
02:22:25.760 --> 02:22:31.840
longer distance so is there a fear that he's gonna lose interest or there's

1687
02:22:31.840 --> 02:22:37.120
somebody that you know could be he'd be leaving a double life or like what does

1688
02:22:37.120 --> 02:22:44.560
that what's that fear is it that he's not in your world or you're not in his

1689
02:22:44.560 --> 02:22:48.240
world you haven't seen him in his world I think it's good that you're going to

1690
02:22:48.240 --> 02:22:52.920
spend some time with him because if he's come down to you you get to now see him

1691
02:22:52.920 --> 02:23:00.200
in his environment go see him around his friends and his family how does he show

1692
02:23:00.200 --> 02:23:03.200
up naturally because here's the thing they're gonna know if he's not acting

1693
02:23:03.200 --> 02:23:09.840
like himself and you're gonna see it all over their face is it time felt like

1694
02:23:09.840 --> 02:23:14.960
when do you when when do you start introducing on four dates and you guys

1695
02:23:14.960 --> 02:23:19.320
have talked for six weeks right mm-hmm

1696
02:23:20.720 --> 02:23:25.760
but it's like a month month and a half I think you'd be okay with it okay I mean

1697
02:23:25.760 --> 02:23:30.720
at this point there's some investment now you know he's he's investing time

1698
02:23:30.720 --> 02:23:35.520
and money you are potentially like you're looking I'm gonna invest some

1699
02:23:35.520 --> 02:23:40.320
money I'm gonna go get a hotel I that to me is a risk like as well like that's

1700
02:23:40.320 --> 02:23:45.080
opening yourself up to some vulnerability that's okay that's that

1701
02:23:45.080 --> 02:23:50.480
progression that's piecing now if this was like a first date it was like the

1702
02:23:50.480 --> 02:23:55.800
first two three weeks I'd be like whoa let's hold on like we're getting ahead

1703
02:23:55.800 --> 02:24:00.480
ahead of the cart but you know it's it's been a few weeks there's been there's

1704
02:24:00.480 --> 02:24:09.960
been activity he is consistently coming down and showing up so there's there's

1705
02:24:09.960 --> 02:24:15.800
interest there but at some point because it's long distance you are gonna have to

1706
02:24:15.800 --> 02:24:20.240
see what each of you are like in your world but then you're gonna have to be

1707
02:24:20.240 --> 02:24:25.480
able to see what it would look like for you to be around each other more

1708
02:24:25.480 --> 02:24:30.560
frequently and what does that look like because that will look different like my

1709
02:24:30.560 --> 02:24:35.040
husband and I we were long-distance we had to spend longer periods of time

1710
02:24:35.040 --> 02:24:42.640
together because I need we needed to see how we interacted in not just when we

1711
02:24:42.640 --> 02:24:48.240
were in like good moods you know I had to see him in like he gives himself I'm

1712
02:24:48.240 --> 02:24:51.240
like a not like he's just got an attitude about something or somebody

1713
02:24:51.240 --> 02:24:55.200
upset him I wanted to see what that looked like or if I was exhausted I was

1714
02:24:55.200 --> 02:25:01.160
tired I didn't get enough like he needed to see how I was gonna show up

1715
02:25:00.000 --> 02:25:02.120
Like that's good.

1716
02:25:02.120 --> 02:25:04.540
And I would say, especially with long distance,

1717
02:25:04.540 --> 02:25:08.160
long distance will speed up a process a little bit too.

1718
02:25:08.160 --> 02:25:09.540
Okay.

1719
02:25:09.540 --> 02:25:11.200
You know, I mean, and you guys aren't fully

1720
02:25:11.200 --> 02:25:12.220
like long, long distance,

1721
02:25:12.220 --> 02:25:14.220
like you're not states away like I was,

1722
02:25:14.220 --> 02:25:19.220
but there is still some, you know, distance there.

1723
02:25:21.020 --> 02:25:25.100
There's more intentionality that is included.

1724
02:25:25.100 --> 02:25:25.940
Okay.

1725
02:25:26.860 --> 02:25:28.020
Thank you, I appreciate it.

1726
02:25:28.020 --> 02:25:31.500
I'm still gonna post a video just on some of the like,

1727
02:25:31.500 --> 02:25:34.220
mindsets, but I appreciate this really much.

1728
02:25:34.220 --> 02:25:35.060
Absolutely.

1729
02:25:35.060 --> 02:25:35.880
All right.

1730
02:25:35.880 --> 02:25:36.720
All right, ladies.

1731
02:25:36.720 --> 02:25:37.940
Thanks so much.

1732
02:25:37.940 --> 02:25:39.140
I know this was a long one,

1733
02:25:39.140 --> 02:25:40.060
but I hope I got to,

1734
02:25:40.060 --> 02:25:42.540
I think I got to everybody's questions.

1735
02:25:42.540 --> 02:25:43.500
All right.

1736
02:25:43.500 --> 02:25:44.740
Have a good one.

1737
02:25:44.740 --> 02:25:45.580
See you later.