Hey everyone. Welcome. So glad to have you all joining us here tonight. I have a lot
to cover, so I'm going to go ahead and pray us in and get us started in our content tonight.
I do want to let you all know that next week on the 16th is going to be another online
dating session with Renee, but we have some really awesome things planned. There's going
to be a session 1 and a session 2 this week, so be ready. That's going to be Thursday night.
You're going to want to plan ahead, pick out an outfit, do your hair for the ladies. Guys,
same thing. Do your hair. Get a nice outfit on, like what you would wear on a date. So
that's your little teaser. We'll put the announcement in the groups the day of, but I did want you
all to feel unprepared if you don't see the announcement in time. It's going to be a great
time of practicing and learning and growing. It's going to be very interactive, so be planning
for that, thinking of your best date outfit, the one you love the most. Come on screen
with that, and we have some things we're going to be doing with that. That's why I want to
let you know now. So welcome again. Waiting for a couple more people to join us. I'm sure
more people will join as time goes on tonight. So I'm Bethany Cooper. If you've never met
me before, some of our guys may not have ever seen me before. I am one of the Master
Heartwork Coaches here in our community, so welcome to all of our gentlemen. If you've
never met me before, ladies, I think most of you know me, at least to some level. But
tonight is going to be specifically advanced heartwork around church hurt and spiritual
wounds. We can touch on other things when we get into coaching, but I do kind of want
to stay in this vein, and I have a lot of examples to give you all. I have some interactive
things like what we did last month, some things that you can take away and just be
praying into as well. So be ready if you are a note taker, but also know you can catch
that in the replay if you need to just absorb it and let the Holy Spirit work in your heart
regarding that tonight. Because sometimes when we're taking notes, we kind of, not that
we miss the Holy Spirit, but we're so busy taking notes that we might miss something
God is trying to do. All right? So for those of you that maybe this is going to hit home
for you, I want to encourage you to maybe not be so active taking notes tonight. All
right? Because like I said, you can always go back and grab the notes later. All right,
I'm going to go ahead and pray and we're going to get started. Father, thank you so much
for everything that you're doing. God, thank you even just for examples that you have brought
to the forefront, even as I've been doing heartwork coaching in the last two weeks.
God, so many things in our world, you know, because even Christians, we're broken people
doing our best to live a Christian life. And sometimes we fail. Sometimes we make mistakes.
Some people step into using and abusing authority in ways that they shouldn't. God, we just,
we just thank you that your heart is crying out for your people, for healing, for grace.
God, that even ways that we look at you and, and put onto you things that people have done
to us. Lord, I pray that trust in God would be restored tonight. That healing balm of Gilead,
that it would be placed upon hearts, minds, bodies, spirits, and souls. The literal medicines
of heaven, if you will, that form that back in the old days, God, that there would be a
supernatural balm that would be placed on us. God, that you would remove areas where we have
blockages because of wounds of spiritual leaders, church hurt, Lord, even where so many isolate and
they're not going to church anymore, God. But Lord, I pray that this is a new season. This is a new
day. This is a new time of gathering. God, for you assembling your sons and your daughters together
in all different kinds of ways. And I thank you, God, for bringing those things that are in darkness
to the light. Let those things be revealed for healing. Help us to hear what your spirit is
saying louder than any voice of the enemy. Remove all distractions. Help us to really zone in on
what your spirit is saying to us. Lord, help me to be a vessel that you can speak through clearly
in Jesus name. Amen. Tonight's session is for all of us who love God and have at some point
gotten hurt by people in the church, whether they are leaders, whether they are brothers and sisters
in Christ, people that we thought were friends and then they ended up stabbing us in the back.
Y'all, this happens in church. We're going to talk about all this kind of stuff tonight. Church hurt is
real. Spiritual wounds are real and they run deep. A lot of times, from my perspective, they can run
even deeper than getting wounded by someone that is in the world because in our minds, we expect
perfection. We do. A lot of times, we expect Christians to not make mistakes and we hold
them to a high standard and some of that, the Bible talks about it, that leaders should be careful.
Because those that teach are held to a higher level of accountability.
Those who teach and lead and all of that.
So I understand why that comes into play.
And it's a good thing that we would believe that Christians would make good choices
and treat people with love and kindness and not manipulate and all of those things.
But the reality is, hurt people hurt people.
And when we have wounds that are unresolved in our own hearts and lives,
we even can turn around and hurt someone whether we mean to or not.
And so sometimes even us, we have the best of intentions,
but there are things that we have done along the way that maybe, you know,
the enemy tried to use that to hinder someone else in their walk with the Lord.
So tonight it's going to also be about us healing from areas we've made mistakes as well,
because I think it's both and.
And I didn't even have that in my notes, but I feel the Holy Spirit taking me there.
And we're going to so we're going to go there too.
And the reality is, is we all make mistakes.
And I think if we will as Christians not hold ourselves to this level of perfection,
like we can never make a mistake.
And if we start owning that, the reality is, is we're all going to fall short.
The Bible says that we will.
Now, yes, we strive for excellence.
We strive to make good choices.
We strive to be the best Christians we can be.
But if we are pretending that we are perfect or that we never make mistakes,
well, then we project that onto other people.
And then they think that Christianity is all about being perfect and that we never make mistakes.
And that's why many people don't even like harken the doors of the church anymore.
So many people won't even come to church because they think Christians think they're perfect.
Some of you all, even as you're trying to date people,
if they don't believe what you believe denominationally,
you are passing them by.
Or you think that they don't have the right belief system.
Y'all, this happens all the time.
I hear it all the time.
We got to learn to start to let that stuff go and be the body of Christ.
The body of Christ denomination should converge and come together and be a team.
That's what it really looks like in heaven.
So if we can surrender those things,
it doesn't mean we have to lay down everything that we believe regarding Scripture
or how we want to live that out.
But all I'm saying is that all these lines and divisions that the enemy has created
through these things, that we can be the forefront people to do something different.
And there are other people around the world.
There's a lot of movements like Koinonia, Walk to Emmaus.
There's some other ones, Banquet Table,
where they bring people from all denominations together.
And it's amazing and beautiful.
And you don't even experience the division anymore.
And that's what I think heaven's going to be like.
So that is just for you to kind of maul on a little bit tonight as I go through this content,
that that is a part of us healing in the body of Christ.
It's understanding that God has called us to be a team.
Not to be divided against each other.
Not to think that we're better than another, you know,
because they have, you know, whatever belief and all the things.
So, as we move forward, I want you to kind of just be asking the Lord,
where have you, even maybe at times, established yourself as better than someone else?
Because of your belief system.
Because of what you were taught.
There's a lot of religion that the enemy tries to use religion,
the spirit of religion, to divide and conquer.
And so, on that note, the spirit of religion also becomes very toxic.
And we hear all the time, even pastors and leaders, teachers,
and even, you know, there's some denominations where they have mothers.
They call them mothers in the church and fathers in the church.
And I believe in a spirit of motherhood.
I believe in the spirit of fatherhood.
Because that comes from the heart of the father.
That comes from God himself.
But here's the thing.
When we have some of these systems established, they're not bad.
None of them are bad.
But it's what do the people that are in those positions do with the authority that they have?
What are things that they're saying to people that are wounding them, hurting them, holding them back?
I'm going to go into some of those examples here in a little bit.
But tonight, God wants our capacity to trust to grow.
Our capacity to connect.
Our capacity to love.
So I want you to be thinking about this concept.
Giving people permission.
I'm giving you permission.
So I hope that you give other people permission in your heart tonight
to be honest about the wounds that you've experienced.
So I'm going to go ahead and set the groundwork.
In the chat, I really want us to stay focused.
Okay, so when I ask you to interact, I would love for you to interact on whatever it is I'm giving you as that kind of interaction.
But I don't want any like side talk about connections and getting together.
Even if I kind of allude to let's heal and be sisters and brothers in community.
Even though I want you all to connect 100%, I want that to happen.
When we're coaching and teaching, we want to stay in the vein of where the Holy Spirit is at.
And sometimes that stuff can get distracting.
Here's another thing.
Someone might say something very honestly in the chat tonight.
And I just want to really give them a safe space.
Because you know what?
If we get offended, we may need to check that out in our own heart.
Okay?
Because the reason we're here is to be honest and heal.
Alright?
Okay, so let's all be honest.
And many in the room have never said out loud, I was hurt by the church or someone in the church.
And so that's why it's really important for like what I just said to create a really safe place.
Before we go deeper into this topic tonight.
So I want you to be thinking about what is your definition of church hurt?
What does that mean to you?
Does it mean just, you know, the church building places where you go?
That maybe at some point you were in a church that had a building and somebody hurt you there?
Does church to you, church hurt mean anybody that was a leader over you in authority?
Maybe even a small group leader?
A friend who maybe led you to Christ?
I had a really dear friend of mine years ago.
She didn't lead me to Christ.
But man, she was one of the first people who taught me how to pray.
And we were very, very, very close.
Best friends for many years.
And then one day, she just decided she didn't have any more room or space for me in her life.
There were some things that she was going through.
So I understand why.
But literally what she said to me is, I don't believe in the Lord anymore.
And I don't have space for you.
And it just kind of came out of nowhere because she wasn't telling me some things along the way.
So that was super hard.
I mean, she was someone I trusted with an immense amount of things in my life.
And so to go through that, some of you, that might be part of your definition of church hurt.
Because for me, the reason I connected to that is because she was someone who very much influenced me in my walk with the Lord.
And then she just changed her mind one day and up and left.
Well, that impacts all the things that she then, through all those years, had said to me about the Lord.
And then I sat and was like, okay, well, what was true?
What wasn't true?
What did I start living into because of what she said that I shouldn't have been?
So it started this whole kind of process of filtering out and really reexamining.
And not that those are bad things, you all.
But I'm just saying it's not easy.
It's not easy when those things happen.
So for some of you, it might be something entirely different.
So part of the process of heart healing is, just like if you all remember when you were in the heart work, the revealing for healing cycle.
Part of the reason we utilize that is so many people can't or struggle to identify the root wounds.
Some people might know the emotion, but they don't know what it's tied to.
They don't know the lies they believe.
They don't know the memories it's connected to, essentially.
And so tonight, even, that's why I'm asking you these beginning questions.
Is what does church hurt mean to you?
How do you define it?
And the more that you start to have that come to the surface.
So when I say don't take notes, I'm not saying don't take any notes.
Some of you all might need to write some of these kind of things down.
But I'm just saying don't try to hurry and take notes on everything I'm saying.
That's more what I'm leaning into.
But as we are looking at some of these things that are going to bubble to the surface,
it's going to help you start to realize some different ways that these hurts have been impacting how you look at people,
how you look at yourself, how you look at churches, how, you know, just all of it.
So church hurt doesn't only happen inside the four walls of a church building.
It can happen in a Christian organization, a faith-based nonprofit, a ministry team, a Bible study,
an online Christian community.
So, you know, we have a lot of parachurch ministry now in this day and time.
And there's a lot of people that do an amazing job.
And then there's some that, man, the leaders, just some of the things they're saying,
you can just kind of tell there's this underlying manipulation and stuff that's coming through.
So we really do need to have our discernment, you know, on and really be asking the Lord about these kind of things.
Maybe it's also a women's group, a kingdom business group, a men's accountability circle.
Again, the point is that they can be any of these groups.
kind of things. It can be a one-on-one mentoring relationship. Anywhere Christians gather in the
name of God, it basically is what I'm saying. If it happened in a space that these people were
supposed to be safe because of Jesus and it wasn't, that's where spiritual wound territory
comes into play. So don't let anyone, you know, dismiss your pain, okay? That's super important
because at the end of the day, whether or not what we perceive is real or not, we have to go
through that process of healing to discover that with the Lord for ourselves. And that's where the
revealing for healing, that's where the heart work is going to play a key role. And so what does that
look like for you? Church hurt is uniquely painful because it happens in a place, again, as I was
mentioning earlier, that we come to be safe. Even in this community, we have people, now sometimes
the reality is this, when our hearts are broken, you all remember the filter. I want you to think
about, imagine this is a filter over my mind and my ears and my heart and everything. And if someone
is speaking to me, I'll do the filter this way, if someone is speaking to me from this way,
everything is going through those filters. So by the time it reaches my ears, my head, my heart,
whatever this filter is telling me is causing me to interpret what they're saying through this
filter. Now, if this filter is healthy, then great. I'm going to probably hear them the way that they're
saying it. But if this filter is not healthy, then I'm going to hear a skewed version of what they're
saying, especially if I have insecurity rooted deeply in my heart, especially if I'm going into
a church one day and I'm already nervous before I go because I have previous church hurt. And then
somebody says something to me or the pastor says something and I immediately get offended right out
of the gate. And maybe they did say something that was offensive, or maybe my heart hasn't healed
enough to receive what they actually said that was healthy through the healthy lens. Do you see?
So we have to really be seeking the Lord about all of it. But the reality is, is the reason it feels
so hurtful again, is it's because we are going to a place that we perceive should be safe. And so
there's a deeper level of betrayal. It feels like this place that should have been sacred, no longer
is safe. So the soul responds to that differently than other relational type of wounds. When a
spiritual leader, ministry figure, or Christian community wounds us, they don't just hurt us as a
person. Again, they can distort the image of God. We begin to unconsciously relate to God the way
that we relate now to those people. This wound often goes unnamed and unprocessed because people
feel confused or guilty for being hurt by God's people, or afraid of looking unforgiving or bitter.
So I want to kind of activate you for a minute. I want you to put in the chat for me,
you can just say me if you agree with this, that at some point you did not admit that something
that someone did in church hurt you because you were afraid that you would be labeled as someone
who's not willing to forgive. If that applies to you, I would love for you to say me in the chat.
A lot of us. Here's the reality as people are going and putting that in there if that applies
to them. If we are not honest with ourselves, we're not going to be honest with God or other
people. So we first have to start being honest with ourselves about what hurts us. Now again, remember
that sometimes people are actually saying healthy things, but our brokenness is causing us to
receive it as rejection or pain. Now I'm not saying that's all of the time, but that's why
it's important for us to always be praying, Lord, is this what you were saying to me?
Is this what the enemy was saying to me through this person?
Are these my own thoughts that are causing me to view this situation this way? And the Lord will
show you if we are all willing to look and listen at those things. The silence around church hurt
makes it louder on the inside of us. We feel nervous and scared and so we isolate, we pull back
and we retreat versus going forward. What we don't acknowledge, we carry you all.
I want you to hear that again. What we don't acknowledge, we carry.
And think about this. You're carrying that into every relational interaction you have.
Spiritual authority wounds.
When in a position of spiritual leadership,
use their power inappropriately, manipulatively, or abusively.
I'm going to talk to you about different types
of spiritual wounds right now.
Community wounds, when a congregation, small group,
or faith family rejected, excluded, gossiped about you,
or abandoned you.
Doctrine wounds, when harmful theology
was used to shame, control, or diminish
your identity or worth.
I was doing a hard work session.
I have one more type of wound to mention here in a moment.
I was doing a hard work session two weeks ago.
And man, these are the kind of things,
you know, as I pastor with Brian,
it just hurts me in a whole different way
now when I hear stuff like this.
And not that Brian and I are perfect.
We do try to do our best, you all.
But this young lady was talking about some healing
that she needed, not only for her own church hurt wounds,
but she took on some offense for a friend.
And so I feel like it's important to mention that
as well.
Some of you all are carrying secondhand offenses
with churches or Christian leaders because of,
excuse me, hurt that happened to a friend of yours
or a family member.
And so maybe that's going to come to mind for you tonight
as well.
But her friend was in an abusive marriage
and tried to go to the pastor.
And the pastor basically told her to stay and suck it up
and that her body was not hers.
Y'all, not good.
If any of you have ever gone through that kind of thing,
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry that that happened to you.
That is not the father's heart.
And God never wanted you to stay in anything that was abusive.
OK?
So I felt like it was important to mention that.
And that can be for men, too.
This isn't just women.
Men are treated like they're terrified, so many of them,
to admit that a woman has hit them.
You know that bachelorette thing that came out
a couple of weeks ago?
Y'all, that stuff happens all the time.
Women, enraged and cannot control themselves,
are hitting men at a higher and higher and higher rate
these days.
Abuse happens on both sides.
And so this is why it's important to talk
about these things.
God doesn't want people to be in bondage
and abused and mistreated.
He wants them to be defended and protected
because that's who He is.
Now, am I saying that they shouldn't separate and try
to work it out and see if that person is actually
willing to get help and be held accountable?
Probably on some level in the beginning.
But if that person is never willing to change, well,
then that, to me, is a different story.
Betrayal wounds is another type of spiritual wound.
When someone you look to as a spiritual, mental, or safe
person revealed they were not who you believed them to be.
They were not who you believed them to be.
We hear this all the time.
Some people start getting mentored.
And y'all, I'm not super religious about this,
but Brian doesn't mentor women by himself
unless the door is open.
That's the only way, y'all.
I don't mentor men in a room by myself.
We have very healthy boundaries around that.
There's a lot of reasons for that.
It protects us.
It protects the other people.
It's a good thing.
So if someone that you were trusting was like, oh,
as a man, they're like, let me mentor you.
Hey, you all, that should be a flag.
I'm not saying they can't coach you on some level.
But if they're spending a lot of one-on-one time alone mentoring
you, y'all, you need a woman to be leading you and not that.
That's where also they can establish themselves
as a spiritual father.
And on some level, I think that's OK.
But unfortunately, a lot of women that have father wounds
will start to feel things for those leaders,
whether they want to or not.
Same thing if a woman has a lot of mother wounds.
If a woman in authority over her starts calling her,
saying to her, excuse me, I feel called to be like your mom,
that should be a flag too.
There's a difference between loving someone
with a spirit of motherhood and establishing yourself
as their mom.
Y'all see the difference?
OK, it's super important.
I know that might seem like, why are we talking about this?
Because this happens all the time.
I've actually had to coach people through it.
People that establish themselves.
as kind of mom figures and then they started abusing that authority and manipulating the
people that were in their care. Same thing can happen the other way. So just really be paying
attention to those kind of things. This is why it's also important to heal our hearts because
this is how a lot of women show up and try to mother the men and then men try to mother or
father the women. That's where that kind of stuff comes into play as well. There's typically wounds
in the past whether it's church hurt or things regarding their own mother and father that need
healed. So here's some love story connections. This is why it matters you all. This is why healing
from church hurt can impact and how it can impact your love story. If your trust was broken by a
spiritual leader you might have deep-seated difficulty trusting authority protection or
provision from a partner. So even if you find a chivalrous man who wants to provide for you and
protect you and look out for you, you may not allow him to if you haven't healed from mother father
wounds as well as you know spiritual leader wounds. For example we had someone in our community that
got married and after they got married they were she was walking with her husband and they went to
walk across the road and he just put his arm out in front of her like this to protect her because
he wanted to make sure there wasn't any traffic coming and she got all bent out of shape. They had
a huge argument about it because she felt like he was trying to control her. Y'all that comes from
unhealed wounds okay. All right if the church made you feel unworthy or too much you may struggle to
believe a healthy love is available for you. If you experience spiritual manipulation or control
you may either attract controlling dynamics or over correct into relationships with no accountability
at all. Church hurt can quietly become a filter through which you read
every relationship especially the one that you're waiting and preparing for.
I'm going to read this one in the chat. Candy says maybe I'm overthinking my church bible study
leader deliberately not talk to me when I sat next to her at the congregation or passed her by.
Either she holds grudges on me after I couldn't help her for one Saturday event or when I asked
her to pray for my soulmate. Most of the people in my church are family. Divorce is non-existent.
Well Candy I think it'd be good to just have a conversation a kind conversation and just say hey
you know when I was sitting next to you that one day it kind of felt like maybe you didn't want to
talk to me. Is that is that true? Are you upset with me? Is there anything that I did that has
caused you to be upset with me? And let's see how she responds. If she responds and you guys are able
to talk it out then that's great. If she reacts and gets super defensive then that's probably going to
tell you the other story and that might lead you you know to setting some healthy boundaries and
things there. Y'all this is how we can find out. We just have to have conversations and sometimes
we're going to have to pray and ask God for courage to have to try to take a step towards
that again. If somebody blows up and they react that's going to be a cue to you to kind of okay
this person isn't acting safe right now and you might need to adjust and kind of disengage a
little bit. Maybe not pull totally away but you might need to just be careful about how often
you're encountering that person in this season. All right so here's another thing I want you to
put in the chat for me. This is going to be to name your experience and you might have more than
one but I want you to put the one that comes to mind first for you tonight. So which type of
spiritual wound resonates most with your story? Number one, a wound from a specific leader or
mentor. Number two, a wound from a faith community or church family. Number three, a wound tied to
harmful teaching or doctrine. Or number four, a betrayal from someone that you look to as a
spiritually safe person. So this might be more of a one-on-one but they weren't a mentor maybe they
were a friend but either way. So number one's a specific leader or mentor. Number two, faith
community or church family. Number three, harmful teaching or doctrine. Number four, is that betrayal
from someone that you look to as a spiritual mentor? Okay so we do have a good mix here, a lot
of ones and twos. Someone told me also last night in the heartwork coaching session that I lead
you know for the normal the first phase, phase one. They're all normal but phase one. She was
saying that she was in church a couple Sundays ago and right at the end of the message the pastor
after he kind of talked about like you know
Wars and all this stuff, he then thanked all the couples that chose to stay together.
So that was really hurtful for her because she actually wanted to stay married, but her husband left her. So whether or not he meant it to be offensive or not, I can understand why it landed that way for her.
Because he thanked everybody that chose to stay together where that was her choice, but it was somebody else's choice that was inflicted upon her that put her in the position she's in.
So do you see how this can kind of happen, these wounds and these hurts?
And, you know, I do think that maybe God is leading her to a different church, but I'll tell you what, this is why people leave churches, these kind of things.
And we allow them to fester and kind of be underneath the surface and it can create a lot of problems.
All right, so I saw a lot of one and two.
So that's our spiritual leader or the faith community.
I did see some threes and some fours.
Some people are like, I had them all.
And I think that that can be the case because we have all different kinds of seasons.
All right, so the person that you're thinking of or the scenario that you're thinking of, I would encourage you all to take a note of that tonight.
Because typically, as these things are bubbling to the surface, it is that whole revealing for healing process that we talked to you all about.
So here is your momentum builder.
This is what we're going to do.
The last few months, I've just felt led to give you guys an interaction, kind of that chat engagement.
And then we're going to walk through what you can do to process it.
OK, so number one, this is what I'm calling your spiritual wound inventory.
I want you to take a few moments to write down, you can do it in your phone notes, if you don't have a pen and paper, it's totally fine.
Write down in your journal or notes app the answers to these three questions as I go through them about the church wound that came to mind that you put that number in the chat for.
OK, so that's how we're going to do it first.
And some of you all might need to do this with multiple ones.
But let's start with the first one that came to mind for you tonight.
Number one, what happened and who was involved?
What happened and who was involved?
Give you guys a few minutes to write that down, because I don't want to go too fast.
What happened and who was involved?
All right, number two, and you can go back and add to these later more.
Number two, what did this make me believe about God?
What did this make me believe about God?
Number two, what did this make me believe about God?
Number three, what did this make me believe about myself?
What did this make me believe about myself?
So just as a reminder, you know, we don't do hard work to relive these experiences, but we are doing it to locate the root, right?
So that's what I want you guys to remember as you're working through some of these.
Again, some of you had multiple things that you thought of and you put different numbers in the chat.
So those questions I gave you, I want to encourage you to go back even later and do that with each one.
Because remember, we have to identify what happened.
What did we hear?
You know, like the two things, what did it make me believe about God and what did it make me believe about myself?
So I want you to identify through that what were the lies.
OK, so typically you're going to be able to identify if you're asking those questions of yourself.
And then, you know, you might even want to take it one level further.
And this is what's coming up in my spirit is, did I then do something to act out on those things that was harmful to me or someone else?
Because even isolating ourselves, you all, and not going back into community ever again, that's actually hurting you.
It's not helping you.
And so we need to look at some of our behaviors, even though we're doing it,
it subconsciously and understand that we are doing harmful things to ourselves.
When God created us for connection and family, and we, we lean into isolation
and pulling back and not connecting anymore, it's actually harming us, right?
And it's, it's teaching us to continue to shut down our connector abilities.
Or we, we start to believe lies that people don't really love us or care about us.
You know, all kinds of stuff can kind of ripple effect from that.
Remember to ask the Lord to reveal the answers to those things.
If you're not quite sure, you're like, I know that there's stuff, but I'm
having a hard time identifying it and answering those questions tonight.
It's okay.
Don't put any pressure on yourself because the stuff will
come up when it's supposed to.
Deborah asks, can it be more general thing rather than specific, like
kind of being jaded over time after seeing the same patterns within different
churches, of course, yes, this is your journey.
This is your healing process.
Again, that to me makes me think of, it's like a secondhand offense.
Okay.
Cause you're seeing it happen in a, maybe if it's in your church,
then maybe it's firsthand, but if it's in another church and you just keep
seeing the same thing, or even if it's in multiple churches, but it's the
same kind of scenario, we start to take up a fence for that y'all.
My heart was broken when some of these things started coming out in
the news these last few months.
That's real, but we can move on.
We can heal.
We can forgive because people are imperfect.
Doesn't mean we have to let toxicity into our lives, but I don't
think all those people are toxic.
I think some of them made some really bad choices, but I think a few of them,
you know, had some, some things going on in their own lives and
just kind of caved and gave in.
I'm not making excuses for them.
I'm not saying any of it's okay.
I'm just saying that, you know, we want to be the judge in the jury
and criticize other people a lot, but then we want mercy and forgiveness.
We have to be willing to see that for what it is, have wisdom, know that,
Hey man, I don't want that to happen.
Like, I don't want that to happen in our church.
That's the first thought I had, Lord, I don't want us to have that happen.
Help us to, you know, really be guard, you know, on guard against these
things because the enemy prowls around like a roaring lion seeking who he can
devour, the person that thinks we can't sin or that we won't fall says,
Whoa, to him who thinks he will not or cannot, or does not sin.
We all fall short.
All right.
I encourage all of y'all to take some more time this week to
meditate on more of those.
Uh, as I was talking about, we're going to go into block two healing,
God from his people and rebuilding trust.
So this is kind of the second leg of what we're doing tonight.
I want you to think about the reality that God is not the church.
While Jesus came down in the form of man, he is not the church.
So we, you know, really want to encourage you all to continue to pray and ask God
to show you who he is as in his character, as a good father, God is love.
He cannot deny himself.
He will never become anything less than love.
He will, um, you know, just like a good father will discipline their children.
God will lovingly correct us, but he will not shame us, condemn
us or pour guilt on us.
God is faithful.
God is good.
God is full of joy.
Like these are things that he is.
He's not going to change.
He's not a man that lies.
Okay.
So again, these are all things that can happen in the church, right?
But God is not those things.
So if we look at him that way, then those wounds came from somewhere.
God is not the leader who failed you.
He is not the congregation that turned their back on you.
God grieves what was done in his name to us.
Do y'all hear that?
God grieves when what was done in his name, like when these things
are done in his name to us.
Couple of people asking some more questions.
What about abusive situations?
Is an isolation from the abuser?
The only truth.
Yeah, that's totally different, David.
I'm talking about not isolating from healthy communities.
Because some people will literally pull away from a whole church because of one person.
So what we would recommend, at least in my church, is I would recommend to follow what the Bible says.
First, you go one to another. You try to work that thing out.
And then if it doesn't work that way, then the Bible says then you bring someone back with you,
and you try to work it out. If that person still isn't willing to work through that,
then it says to bring the leadership of the church into the situation.
The Bible talks about that for a reason. Yes, we're supposed to have boundaries and all that thing.
So as I'm talking about not isolating and pulling back, I'm talking about people that when something happens,
whether it's they get offended or they get hurt, they have a tendency that comes from wounds from childhood
because people that were abandoned, neglected, or isolated a lot, or felt rejected a lot,
they will be the people that tend, first and foremost, there's people that will do other things,
but isolation is one of the dominating things that I see, where people will pull back
and they will pull away from other people if one person, or some people, it is a group, okay?
That's the reality, and I can understand. And I would say to you, yeah, of course,
if a whole group of people are mistreating you, that probably isn't the group that you should be spending time with, 100%.
Yeah, so just keep in mind that as I'm talking to you about not isolating and pulling away completely from everyone,
I'm assuming that there's some healthy people there in that church somewhere.
Now, if you're going to a church where they're all unhealthy,
then you should probably think about finding a different place to go, all right?
And I don't have any qualms with saying that. I tell people all the time,
if they don't feel like we're the place for them, then I encourage them to find the place that is the place for them.
All right, people in spiritual leadership are still people, this is what I started tonight out with,
capable of wounding out of their own unhealed places, out of ego, out of fear, sin, and so many other things.
Their failure is not God's endorsement of how you were treated.
Okay, so God is not endorsing their behavior just because they're a spiritual leader.
One of the most healing questions you can ask yourself is this,
was this God or was this a broken person acting in God's name?
Was this God or was this a broken person acting in God's name?
The answer will almost always be the second one.
Y'all, Brian and I went through some massive church hurt before we moved to Florida, massive stuff.
I can tell you for a fact, there is some pain that you just think,
wow, okay, I didn't know that I could feel that from the church.
And then something happens and then you're like, wow, okay, this is real, this stuff happens.
But we can forgive and we can understand that those people,
it's a good thing we're not still connected to those people.
Praise the Lord, God created a different place for us and we're thriving here.
All right, next one.
God's character is consistent, it does not shift based on who is representing him in the room.
That's why I was saying, get to know God's character.
If those people that are leading you are not lining up with the character of God, that should be a signal to you.
Psalm 34, 18, he is close to the brokenhearted.
He was close to you in that room when those things happened to you.
And even when his people were not being a good representative of him.
I want to encourage you all to name it.
You have to call it what it was.
Y'all, if it was abuse, then acknowledge that.
If it was someone making a mistake and they said something that was hurtful, say it's that.
Call it what it is.
Minimizing these things to protect the church, the leader, or your own image of what a good Christian looks like,
keeps the wound infected.
You know, one of the biggest breakdowns in my own family,
now, keep in mind, my family, years ago, were not Christian.
So, this is a little bit of a different example, but it came to mind right now.
My mom and her siblings learned from her mom to when my grandfather committed suicide,
my grandma asked them all to clean it up and hide it.
Kind of crazy when I hear it and talk about it.
Now, my grandma wasn't a Christian.
So, again, it is different, but all that was carried down in the family line.
So, when the sexual abuse and other things that happened in my family directly,
my mom and her siblings were not Christian.
also hit all that stuff. Do you see how that kind of works? Well, that
didn't make things better, it made it worse. Because what's in darkness will
grow, the wound will stay infected, and then people tend to turn around and do
harmful things to someone else. So we want to grieve it. You are allowed to
grieve what you thought the church was, what you thought the leader was, what you
thought that season of your faith would be. Because grief is real, and grief is
not just this straight line all the time, y'all. Sometimes it goes up, and then it
comes down, and it goes around, and there's all kinds of stuff. Now, if you
are stuck in grief, I talk to people a lot about a cloak of grief. Sometimes I
can just sense it on people, like they've been grieving for so long that it has
become a part of their identity. Hey, I'm not encouraging you all to stay there,
but we need to grieve things in a healthy way to process it to move
forward. Then we want to release it. So you want to name it, you want to grieve
it, you want to release it. Number four, forgiveness is not saying what happened
was okay. It is refusing to let what happened continue to have authority over
your future. You release them from the depth so that you can walk free. This
this isn't a, I mean it is about them, but it's not about them, this is about you.
Number four, rebuilding. Naming it, grieving it, releasing it, rebuilding it.
This is not naive trust in every person with a title. This is discerning, being
healthy, having your eyes opened, choosing to trust. You know, these do not require
you to abandon wisdom to have faith. Y'all, yes, have faith. Believe the best in
people, but when wisdom shows up and it says, oh, pay attention to that thing, we
should listen to that. Wisdom was given to us for a reason. God comes, and if you
feel like, man, I don't know if I have a lot of wisdom about those things, guess
what? We can pray and ask for more wisdom. Solomon said, above all things, what did
he ask God for? He asked God for wisdom. I pray all the time, God give me more
wisdom to know how to respond to people. Even before I get on these, God knows you
all better than I do. I don't pretend to know every aspect of what you all have
been through, and I remind myself that I'm not your healer. He is. I just get to
be here and get to be a part of what he's doing, and you're all, y'all's life
are a glimpse, this little glimpse of your journey, and I'm so grateful for
that, but it is him that has to do it. So I want you to think about this as well. I
want to walk you through some more, some more tools to help you process this. I
gave you a couple things already. As you're looking at, again, tonight we're
starting with the first one that came to your mind. I want you to identify, while
you're sitting there, one lie that is connected to that situation that you
journaled about. What is one lie that you're currently believing, and if you
don't know right now, it's okay. Remember, you're gonna pray. Just quickly and ask
the Lord, and if it doesn't come up right now, that's fine. A lie that you believe
because of what happened, this isn't what you might say, because of what happened, I
now believe God is blank, and I am blank. Remember, what did you believe about God?
What did you believe about yourself because of it? It's kind of filling in
the sentence now, and remember that when we do the revealing for healing cycle, if
we know the lie, well then we can take that lie to the Lord and say, hey, what's
the truth to replace this lie? What's the truth to replace the lie? So then you
look for that truth, and then once you hear the truth, then you, I would
recommend this. This is something that I have done. I still do it today. I put
scriptures up around my house when something speaks to my heart, or
something speaks truth against a lie. I write that out, and I put it up, and I
put mine by my kitchen sink where I wash dishes, or in my bathroom where I see
things all the time. Y'all can do it however you want, but I highly recommend
it. You want to write that scripture out. You want to speak it out of your mouth.
You want to like meditate on it in your mind, in your spirit. The distinction is
write the name or description of the person who hurt you, and separately write
the name of God. Remember, you're trying to say, okay, God is separate from this
person that hurt me in God's name. So seeing it even on a piece of paper as
two separate things can help you start to identify that even more. Speak out
loud. You are not the same, God. What this person did to me is
Not who God is.
Basically saying, God, you are not the same thing
as this person who hurt me.
That's what I'm saying.
And so you're starting,
I know these sound very like elementary,
but literally you all, sometimes doing it,
like when even people, I don't know,
for those of you that went through heart work,
if you did the, for the men,
you may not have this assignment on your side,
but we do a truth versus, you know,
the roots versus the fruits,
and you're looking at the lies that you believe
and the fruit that, you know,
comes in your life as a result.
Well, drawing those things out so many times help us,
oh my gosh, like you start to make connections.
So writing this stuff out on paper is going to help you.
Here's another one.
I released, you're gonna say the person's name,
from what you owe me.
So I, I'm gonna make up a name.
I released Paul from what he owes me.
I am placing my healing in the hands of the only one
who can fully restore it.
Thank you, Lord, for healing me
and helping me come back into alignment
with the truth about who you are, God.
I went really fast on that, I know,
but again, you can go back and catch this in the replay.
I am, I release, I'll read it again.
I release, again, I'm making this name up.
I release Paul from what you owe me.
I am placing my healing in the hands of the only one
who can fully restore it.
Thank you, Lord, for healing me
and helping me come back into alignment
with the truth about who you are.
Yeah.
Thank you, Christopher.
I didn't know if you guys were doing that one
over there or not, that's helpful.
All right, we're gonna go on to the next thing.
Isolation, as I've talked about a lot tonight,
is actually not protection.
It is the wound winning.
The wound is winning.
The enemy is winning when we do that.
Healthy spiritual community, remember, healthy.
Catch that key word in there, you all.
Healthy spiritual community is still a part
of God's design for you, whatever that looks like.
For some of you, you're gonna feel called
to have a church in your house.
I don't frown on that.
I believe in the gathering together of believers,
and that looks different for people in different seasons.
We, of course, love when people come to church
and fellowship with us there,
but we do small groups and we do all kinds of stuff.
Some people can't come to church on Sunday.
That doesn't mean they're not a Christian.
So again, this is about where is a safe place
for you to grow in your relationship with the Lord
and walk out being a disciple of Jesus Christ.
Rebuilding trust is a process.
It's not an event.
It's not like, oh, just one day, you're just gonna trust,
and if you don't trust today,
and you all have heard this in churches before.
Same thing about forgiveness.
I had a Christian, my spiritual daughter's dad,
he used to say to me all the time,
you just don't forgive, you don't forgive.
And I'm like, yeah, I do.
When you keep doing things that are hurtful
over and over and over again,
well, then I gotta process that all over again.
But see that sometimes even people that,
he was a Christian, he went to church every week,
read his Bible.
Tell me if that didn't mess me up for a little while.
How does that work?
This is a guy who cheated on me
over and over and over and over.
How does that work?
Yeah, pretty confusing, right?
The same thing, females do it too.
So this isn't me saying men are bad.
This is me saying people that do unhealthy things,
whether they're Christians or not,
it hurts people and it affects us.
And so then we have to process that stuff out.
And so rebuilding trust in God was something I had to do
because of what was happening in that relationship.
It linked right into my dad cheating on my mom
and leaving us.
And so that was another example that I felt like,
well, this is what happens with men.
And then I projected that onto God.
So I had to take time.
I had to really unpack that
and get to the root of the matter
so that I could get to the truth of all of it.
It took time.
You don't owe anybody immediate full access to your life.
You all, if somebody has hurt you
and they've toxically,
toxically done something over and over,
or even if it's just one time and it really wounded you,
please allow yourself the grace and the space to heal.
And even if they're putting the pressure on you
that you should just be fine,
well, they don't get to decide that.
You do with the Lord and His time.
Now, some of us will avoid people.
Any other avoiders in here?
If somebody hurts you, you're like,
oh, I'm gonna walk.
the way on the other side of the church. I'm gonna avoid that person or maybe you see them
at your job, maybe they're not at church. Y'all, for real, I'm just being real.
Pastor's wife isn't always easy. For those of you that are praying, don't feel afraid because it's
an amazing calling too, but it's real. And when people hurt my husband, man, that hurts me.
So sometimes I might avoid that person for one Sunday until my heart is in a better place
to really be genuine because I'm not, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I can't be fake with people
so if I'm hurting about something, that's gonna come on out. It's gonna come on out the door.
And so I know that about myself and so I have to set boundaries for myself if I'm feeling like I
need to process something for a little bit. And then sometimes I think before I go to church,
yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna go right up to that person. And then God in his grace gives me
courage. One time I, that's what I did, I thought about it all morning before I went to church how
much I did not want to see those people that day. And then I got to church and all of a sudden the
Holy Spirit came on me and said, go on over there and tell him that you forgive him.
Man, okay. So I did. I did and it felt good. I was being real. I really did forgive him,
but I just had to get over the hurdle of seeing him. Y'all, those are layers of healing and
forgiveness. Now, that person is not massively toxic, okay? This is a person who made a mistake.
So there's a difference, but I want you to see how sometimes that will work. All right. So I want to
encourage you to not write off every church leader and every leader forever because of the mistakes
of other church leaders. Signs of a healthy spiritual community. Accountability will flow
both ways. Leadership is transparent and teachable. People are celebrated, not controlled.
You are free to ask questions and express doubts.
Now, here's the thing. I always try to present both sides, okay?
If you are someone that really struggles with insecurity and you circle around that a lot,
you might have people who set boundaries with you to help you hopefully kind of work through
that on your own a little more so that then you can come back together with them.
Because that leader may also need to like create some space if there's something toxic going on
from you, okay? It doesn't mean they don't love you. It doesn't mean they don't care about you,
but they might identify like, I need to let that person have a little space right now
because the dynamic we have going on with us isn't healthy, okay? All right. I'm going to
keep moving. Start small. So if you are, what I mean by this, if you have been hurt by the church,
a church community, a church leader, I want to encourage you to start small. You know, find
someone that you can be safe with that is a Christian. Hopefully you're finding that you
can be safe here. Again, we have a lot of people here. Guess what's going to happen? There's going
to be people in here that are still broken and they might say or do things and you guys might,
hopefully this doesn't happen, but the reality is I know it does happen. Y'all might do or say
things and hurt each other, but hopefully you forgive each other and you work through that
stuff just like any other place. Do you know families can have disagreements and they can
learn to heal when they're healthy families? It's true. Maybe have one honest conversation,
one step back towards community. If you're someone that's been struggling with isolation,
not because those people deserve your trust, but because you deserve to not be alone.
Do you see the difference there?
Here's another activation. I want you to drop in the chat for me. Is there a lie about God
that your church hurt has caused you to have that you are ready to let go of tonight?
So for those that are courageous enough to say, hey, this is a lie I've been believing about God
and I want to let it go tonight. I would love for you to put that in the chat for us so that we can
come alongside of you and cheer you on. And so the goal would be to say what the lie is.
What's the lie you've been believing about God because of some church hurt or church leader that
hurt you along the way. And then we will take time at the end of tonight.
I'll actually put a note so I don't forget.
Pray over, because I forgot to put that at the end of my notes, and I'll forget if I get going.
All right, so here's another activation for you. I want you, we did this last time very similar,
and I got a lot of great feedback from it, so I want to do this similar again,
but it's going to be regarding church hurt. Here's number one. You want to complete the
spiritual wound inventory, which is what we were doing before, where we're saying, okay,
this is the wound that happened. This is how it made me think about God. This is how it made me
think about myself. That's the first part, okay? Then you want to work through the spiritual wound
reframe, so you identify the wound and the lies that came, and then you use that revealing for
healing worksheet to come through to the truth side. What's the truth? You identify scriptures
that connect with the truth, and then I'm going to encourage you all to spend
five to ten minutes just in Psalm 23, in addition to the other scriptures that God is giving you,
and let God reintroduce himself to you as your shepherd. The shepherd that you needed back then
and the shepherd that you need today but did not receive from the people that were walking in
brokenness. Spend five to ten minutes in Psalm 23 and let God reintroduce himself as the shepherd
that you needed back then and you still need today, but that, you know, those those people
that were walking in brokenness were not able to be to you. And you can do these on separate days,
so day one, you know, do step one. Day two, but if you want to do them all in one sitting, that's
totally fine too, okay? Number four, because sometimes remember you need stuff to have some
space to percolate to the surface. You guys remember that I would talk about that in the
heart work a lot? Sometimes you just need some space and some grace for stuff to bubble up.
Number four, write a letter of release to the person or community that hurt you,
but here's the key. We did this last month. You do not send it to them.
This is about you and God working through this together. You write a letter of release to the
person or community that hurt you. You don't send it. You surrender it. I like to burn things,
you all, when I'm releasing things. You guys can do whatever you want with it. If you want to rip
it up, rip it up, but do it somewhere safe, of course, if you burn it. But that's just another
layer of release for me. That's why sometimes I like to write things out and then like, you know,
set it on fire because it just gives me that additional kind of like I can pray as it burns
or whatever. But you all do it however you feel led. And then number five, take one small step
toward that healthy spiritual connection. Maybe a conversation. Remember a service, a prayer. Maybe,
you know, for some of you, you haven't gone to church in a really long time. Pyro satisfaction,
Dawn, that's funny. Melissa, Dawn. Yeah, but maybe some of you haven't been to church in a really
long time. It might be to go check out a church near you. Remind them. Oh, sorry. This is my own
note to myself. Sorry. Remember what I said earlier, healing your spiritual wounds is like
an act of faith. So some of this is that you're going to have to walk by faith. It's not always
going to feel like, oh, I'm just better now. Like it's just all gone. But you're going to walk this
out just like you did with the initial heartwork. And you're going to believe that God is going to
meet you every step of the way and help you heal more and more. Gwen, that's awesome.
All right. So I am going to open the heartwork seat. If you've not been here for one of these
before, this is when anybody can raise their hand if they want to process out loud with everybody.
Some of what maybe God is bringing up in them tonight, I can coach you through it.
If people are a little shy about this topic tonight, I did bring some additional stuff.
So I will kind of follow your all's lead. If there's anyone that has anything with a spiritual
leader, church hurt, the floor is open to you. So you're going to want to raise your hand so I can
call on you. That's the easiest way for me. All right. Helen is brave and she's going to go first.
Everybody, you're all brave. You're all brave. All right.
Helen, we'd love to hear what you have to say.
Can you hear me OK?
I can.
Sorry for not being on camera.
You don't want to see me, but next time you will.
So there's several things, but I'll just
mention the one that just will make sense to everybody.
But I used to go to this church years ago,
about three, four years ago.
And one of the leaders had an issue with my last name.
I have a last name that's hard to pronounce.
And she made fun of it.
And so that, among other things, having
to do with my country of origin.
And so at the time that these things were happening to me,
when I look back now, I'm like, I didn't even
bring them to the Lord.
I didn't think that He cared.
I didn't think that these were things that I could process
with God, ask Him what He thought about these things
that were happening.
I didn't even consider it.
I mean, now I would, right?
I mean, a healthier place where I could even
confront in a healthy way that person or say, hey,
this isn't OK what you're doing, et cetera.
But at the time, and this has been
a journey of not believing that God cares for me,
even in the things that hurt me.
It's just wild how I didn't even consider
that He cared, that He would have cared about those things.
Yeah, and Helen, I think that there's a lot of people
that feel very similar to you.
I highly recommend for you to even do a forgiveness prayer
sheet to forgive her for making fun of your name.
I'm sorry that that happened to you.
Sometimes I don't, I think people
get insecure because they don't know how to say or do
something, but that still doesn't excuse it.
I don't know what her reasoning was.
I do know that that happens sometimes,
but that doesn't make it OK.
And it really does hurt people's feelings.
And so again, I think us owning, not owning,
that's not the right word, acknowledging to ourselves,
like, hey, this hurt me.
I had a little girl in my Sunday school class,
Children's Church on Sunday.
I was talking to them about just how Jesus overcomes everything.
And we were talking about that.
And I was trying to give them analogies of like Him
overcoming darkness.
And I asked them, have they ever been bullied?
And she said, I have.
And I said, well, what happened?
And she said, someone told me that my skin
color looked like dirt.
And I was like, I am so sorry that happened to you.
I mean, she's 10.
Thankfully, that didn't happen in the church.
That happened somewhere else.
But still, I bring it up because this little 10-year-old
had somebody say something like that to her.
And what if her and I didn't have that conversation?
You know, that stuff could sit there for a really long time.
And so I want you all to really work
on not minimizing these things.
When someone makes fun of our names, our skin color,
who we are, where we came from, whatever that looks like,
that stuff, if we don't deal with it,
it can hurt us long term.
And then we don't show up in relationships fully
because there's a part of us that holds back.
Some of you all, you know, Jackie
talks about she used to get made fun of because she was so tall.
Some of us get made fun of because we're really short.
I'm in the short crew.
You know, people say and do all kinds of things.
So if there are other things, I want
to kind of see a raise of hands.
And Robin, I'll come to you here in just a minute.
Or let's put it in the chat so we don't mess up.
Robin already has her hand up.
Put in the chat for me, if you are
someone that's a spiritual leader made fun of you
in some way.
Go ahead and put a hand in the chat for me.
Yeah, Gwen just did it there.
Someone that was a church leader made fun of you in some way.
You guys can put any symbol in there.
It's totally fine.
All right.
And so if that wasn't one of your first things that
came to mind tonight, those of you
that are kind of saying in the chat, hey,
a church leader or someone that was a mentor to me
made fun of me in some way, I really
want to encourage you to process that
with some of the things that we talked about already tonight.
Because sometimes what can happen as well
is we will start to disassociate from that part of ourself.
We will start to shut down and not
like that aspect of ourselves because of other people's
thoughts and comments and ideas.
Yeah.
I don't like that either when people are like,
ah, you're so late.
I tell people all the time, hey.
I mean, of course we love when people come on time.
Even like to stuff like this.
But I had somebody apologize to me
because they came late to hard work.
I'm like, it's all right.
you're here. You know, I don't take that personally. I don't
know what their day look like. I don't know what they had going
on. So hopefully we were like that in church to hopefully we
treat our friends like that. If they're not somebody who's a
habitual late person. Now, I think that's something that that
person might need to work on, right? habitually being late and
not maybe showing that person how much they care about them by
being on time. But in this regard, yeah, I think there
needs to be space and grace. Those are all things that
matter, because some people can kind of get embarrassed, like,
oh, and then it makes them feel like they don't want to come
again. Right. All right, Robin, I would love to hear what you
have to say. Oh, you're muted if you're talking.
Sorry.
That's all right.
So I just share like what happened and lies that I
believed.
Yeah, that'd be great.
Okay, it's a complicated story, but I'm going to ask the Lord to
make it brief. Help me to do that. And I just want to
preface it that I have had a lot of healing about this. But I
found in the last couple weeks, since I've rejoined LIS, it's
been bubbling up. And I said, I still have something there that's
not healed. So that's why I'm bringing it up. Does that make
sense? Yes. So this was over 15 years ago, I was part of a
charismatic community. It wasn't my main church. And the
leader of that he was also a regional charismatic leader. So
that he felt that God told him that he was to be mine and my
best friend, spiritual father. And he's the person that came to
mind. And he tried to set me up with a guy. And I had a whole
bunch of prophetic words being told to me about my husband. And
then he had a whole bunch of prophetic words being told to
him about his wife, and it was the perfect storm. And then he
moved, we were hanging out, there was indications of
romantic interest. And then all of a sudden, this anxiety came
up in him. And he said, this is reminding me of others, I found
out he has a history of leading multiple women on at the same
time. And I think in one case, there was even some sexual sin
back in England. So this is a big mess. And because there were
so much spiritualization of everything. And this is in my
early 30s. I'm in my late 40s. Now. I like had in tremendous
anxiety, and I stopped sleeping. And it was a whole breakdown,
like, it's kind of embarrassing, but I'm jealous for freedom. And
so I've processed it. I've done inner healing. You know what I
mean? I've done all this stuff. But what's been coming up for me
sorry, a little cheery lately. I was in a relationship that just
ended a year ago that I thought could have been it, you know, we
sometimes talk the one before the one, hoping it's the one
before the one. And it's good. God protected me some stuff came
up. But just even with that is like stepping back in and hoping
again. Because I took a break from dating. The lie that I have
about God, I have a few, but there's two things I want to say
is that, like I, God doesn't care about finding me like
helping me with a spirit mate, my love life. The idea is like
I'm extremely low importance. Because I felt almost mocked
with that because I cared about it. And then, you know, there's
all the weird prophetic stuff that you're not supposed to do.
And the lie related to me is I'm jinxed from finding a mate. I
know, that's kind of a new thing. But like, that's how I
feel. Like, I can get dates, but it's like finding someone that's
a connection, right?
Yeah. And some of that, you know, some of that can come out
of because of that kind of struggle regarding things that
actually are like spiritual concepts and principles like the
prophetic, but because it was kind of warped, it can cause us
to link to things that are mentioned in like, maybe the
secular circles, if you will. And so I don't think bad of it.
I think, you know, there's a lot of people that actually, we're
not going to get into this tonight. But I've had people
that even think like, there's a spiritual mate in the spirit
realm blocking their actual, you know, spirit mate from coming
them. No, I don't believe in that.
Yeah, I don't think complicated. It's just like, things aren't
working out.
Yeah. But I'm just saying to you, I'm saying to people, you
know, hear things or make connections in all kinds of ways.
And so I'm just trying to support you and what you were
saying. And so Robin, first, thanks for sharing that with us.
This is something that's very real, and unfortunately, more
prevalent in Christian circles than I wish it was. But I love
that you're identifying, hey, I did some healing around this,
but it's coming up again. So I
think I have another layer of healing. That's amazing
awareness. And I think that God is just going to keep
connecting dots for you. You know, I would encourage you to
look at the extremely low importance one really stood out
to me. And I do think it's connected to that situation with
that person. But I feel like this goes back to like when you
were younger that that's coming back up again. I'm where I don't
know if you weren't picked for something or if there was
something where you just felt I don't know if you have siblings,
but I keep kind of seeing like as if you know that, like you
weren't picked, you weren't picked or you were put behind,
like someone else's stuff always felt more important than yours.
And so I don't know, does that resonate at all for you?
Yeah, um, what immediately came to mind? And again, it sounds
silly, but I know with inner healing, it doesn't matter.
Here, let's say this, you don't even have to say it sounds
silly, because it's what it's what you know. Okay, so I'm not
gonna think it sounds silly. I can I can promise you that.
Yeah, so I feel emotional, but it's okay. Yeah, what came to
mind was I was in grade two. And it was like the first crush
that I had. And I told my friends, and his name was Mark
Smith. Hope there's Mark Smith not on here now. And he came up
to me and kind of made fun of Oh, I hear you like me and I
just sunk in my seat. And then I've had a couple situations
when I was younger, when I let like I had a crush on someone
first, and then someone let them know and I wasn't chosen. So
that's what's coming up to because I kind of I'm crushing
on someone that I know. But it keeps coming up the person like
if I have a crush on someone first, it's not going to happen.
Or a person I really like isn't gonna like me back. I don't know
if you feel that connects. But like, that keeps definitely does.
Yeah, yeah. So, um, unless I have to chase after someone. But
I'm just saying that, like, I have this idea that if it starts
this way, it's not not gonna work.
Yeah. So this might sound like a really simple thing. But I'm
just gonna tell you what I keep seeing in my spirit. Like, I
want you to, like on a piece of paper, just like a eight and a
half by 11. I want you to draw a circle. And I want you to write
in it. I, Robin, am chosen. First, I want you to include the
word first, I wasn't gonna have you say it initially, but I felt
led to tell you that one too. I Robin am chosen first, written.
All right. And I want you to put it up. I know that again, I know
this sounds simple, but I want you to put it up. And I want you
to partner with it every day right now. So remember, ladies
and gentlemen, we have to come out of alignment with the lies
that we believe. So I would also put up a reminder to say to
myself, I come out of agreement with the lie that I'm of
extremely low importance, and I am not chosen. I choose to come
into agreement with the truth that I Robin, and not only
chosen, but I'm chosen first. And again, I don't know how
that's going to work out in your life. But the reality is, is we
have to first believe it in our hearts before we can receive it.
And so when we have this struggle with belief, remember,
I'm really big on I believe help my unbelief. So Lord, if I don't
believe that I'm chosen first, help me to get to the root of
the insecurity in my and even abandonment or neglect, you
know, the pain of the past, you may need to forgive. I don't
know if you've already done a forgiveness sheet for that
little Mark Smith in second grade. But I would do a
forgiveness sheet for Mark Smith. He's the first one that
you thought of tonight. You know, these other guys came
after that didn't choose you to you might have to do one for
them. But like Mark Smith came up and he made fun of you. You
said?
Yeah, I was like teasing me that I like that. But he clearly
wasn't saying he liked me back. I mean, I don't know. He's a
great too. But my little great to heart. That's not your
chosen. Well, and here's the thing. And this is why I think
this is such an important example. We're talking about
church hurt. But y'all see how this went way back to some other
things to this is how healing works in general, no matter what
the wound is. Typically, there's underlying things that that that
thing here got connected, and it made it stronger. That's where
the strongholds are built. And so forgiving Mark Smith.
is probably going to unlock some things for you.
Because he's the first one, even if he didn't understand what he
was doing, the reality is, is it hurt you? Yeah, acknowledging
that. And even if I don't know if you told mom or a friend that
he did that, and if you felt supported, or if they dismissed
it, but if anything happened like that, I would encourage you
to forgive those people too. Again, even if the friends were
young, and they didn't know, or if you went home and told mom
and mom kind of was like, Oh, you're fine, or any of that kind
of stuff where someone dismissed your feelings. Okay, it's
important to acknowledge like, hey, I need to forgive, you
know, mom or whoever, for dismissing my feelings or
laughing as well, or whatever, again, whatever that scenario
might be. Does that make sense? Yep. Yeah, I love this. And you
know, I think that starting with Mark might even unlock some
other things regarding the spiritual leader as well. But
let's start with, start with Mark, because I think that's
connecting to the extremely low importance. And then your fear
of not being able to find a spirit mate. Okay. Thank you,
Bethany, you're welcome. Thank you for trusting us and sharing
that. Appreciate you, Gwen, go ahead.
Hi. Um, yeah. Um, yeah, I have had a issue with something for
since I started last year single from my previous church. And I
feel like I'm maybe hiding out with last year single away from
it. Um, but I did find a new church that's incredibly amazing.
And I'm glad I ended up there. But, um, my pastor, um, of
eight years, he was incredible. And we did a lot of healing, and
heart healing, because it was a really, it was a big priority in
our church. And so that's why what happened is just kind of
blew me away. He, I broke up with the guy was dating for a
year. And he was not my pastor wasn't happy about it. And he
wasn't happy about it. He brought in a lot of money, let's
just be honest. And but yet he's always said money is not a
problem. Money's not an issue. God will always provide and I
totally believe all that. Anyway, um, I was punished. I was
punished because I broke up with him. And I wasn't even allowed to
bring another person in that I, you know, was would be dating or
whatever it is, but, um, which is separate from the breakup,
but, um, I was surprised. And, yeah, so I was punished. And
because that guy was hurting a lot. But I found out who he
really was the mask fell after. Actually, the Lord told me to
get out of the relationship two months before that, and I stayed
too long. And so yeah, so I just need to, I don't know what I'm
just and then that guy that I broke up with was also in
another worship group. That was my heart family. And I just
can't go there because I know he really is behind the scenes in
many different ways. And they don't know it or see it yet.
They're so prophetic. And I don't. Is it me? I'm like
confused. Like, I don't know. It's like, is it or am I just to
stay to not be in those groups anymore? And that but yeah, my
second heart group was I love and adore them. And they've
lifted me up in my business and did so many incredible things
for me. And they want me back. But that person's there. And I
just how do you go back to an old boyfriend that you know, was
deceptive and, and you know it, but then no one else knows it.
And you're not allowed to say anything, because that's bad. So
it's like kind of stuck. Like, yeah. So anyway, it's kind of
so when this is a lot of different layers here, but so
good. First, let me ask you a question. And you don't have to
tell me the person's name or anything that like that, or you
don't have to tell in depth, but I just feel led to ask you.
Um, because I think it will help some other people to tell me
like one or two examples of how like ways you were punished for
breaking up with that guy. Um, whatever you feel comfortable.
Well, I wanted to talk to the pastor right away. So I was
punished by being delayed three months. He didn't have time. He
didn't have time for me to talk about it and like, get some
resolution and make it clear what was going on or me even
telling him why. And then um, and then I an old boyfriend came
back in the midst of that.
And he showed up and proposed to me. So it looks super bad in all ways and
And I was not allowed to bring him to church because it would hurt the other guys feelings
Even though I was at that church for eight years and they always say you're in family. You're in family
This is family and that the guy was dating was brand-new. He would that was not his family church
he had another church, but he was allowed to come in bring in dates or whoever and
and um, I
Wasn't yet. I was truly in family. I served there and
Did the pastor himself tell you that yes that guy there, okay
Alright, so definitely if you haven't done forgiveness prayer sheets on this totally would even if you've already done it
It's coming up again tonight. You might want to circle back to that
Um, because I mean as you know, sometimes when we view a spiritual leader as a
Punisher punishing us we often view God as the same that he is, you know putting us in timeout
He's punishing us, you know
We're not allowed to do things other people are allowed to do and so in our process of you know
Finding our spirit mate or believing for anything new
We can tend to that that'll be kind of the Achilles heel if you wear well that the enemy will come and try to torment
those things and then the other thing was
You know forgiving the pastor for that forgiving anyone else that also joined in that. I'm
In the delay of three months
I just kind of feel like if you also had other people in your life that delayed, you know giving you their time
I'm just wondering if that kind of went into that wound and made a connection there
And so I feel like that's a separate sheet, you know, and in that I want you to also ask the Lord
Okay
I'm not saying the pastor didn't delay you but I want you to ask the Lord if there's anything that he wants to show you
About that situation this specifically being delayed
That you haven't seen before so whether it's he wants to show you some truth to that
Or if there's additional layers to that situation that he wants to heal
I'm not quite clear on which one it is right now
But I feel like there's there's some more stuff God wants to heal or reveal connected to that part of it specifically
and
then on
You ask something at the end. Oh
How how do you go back around someone that has been unhealthy
Well first I would pray and ask the Lord is the Lord leading you to go back there because sometimes you all seasons change
I mean even before I
Moved, you know out of out of Indiana and then or excuse me out of Kentucky and then out of Indiana
you know, I've moved a couple times since I've been in this community, but
When I broke up with my spiritual daughter's dad
He went we went to the same church and
It was really awkward. And so I just started I didn't stop going to the church
But thankfully my church was big enough that I could go to a different campus or go to a different service time or whatever
And so that's what I did
But if that's not something that you can do, you know
It's probably gonna be good for you to have some separation there for a while. You might be able to find a different group
That is similar in nature whether that's online for a season something like this or another group
and then
Maybe the day will come where God will you know lead you to another in-person group, but I'm not saying we have to avoid people forever
You feel God leading you to go back to that group
You have to go with the mindset that you aren't you know, you're going ministry minded. You're not going into
Maybe you know some people go in and they're they're feeling all awkward because you feel like you have to be friends with someone
Now I knew what I could do. Okay, so I think that's the other thing. I want to say to you
It's what can you handle?
For me
I just could not handle looking and being at church with someone who
Pretended to be one person and then they lied and were you know
Somebody that cheated on me over and over and acted like they were a good Christian to other people
I could not handle that. That was not something I wanted to be a part of and so that's why for me
I just chose to go to church at a different time and not be around him
Because then I would just like for like for me I would then just in my spirit judge him
So if I don't have I know and then you get angry and then it blows up
Yeah, and so if I didn't have to see him it helped me heal and forgive and move on
and so sometimes just seasons are over for things or
again, you might be led to go to a different group and just be
okay with that. Gwen, you know, God might lead you to a new
place, a new space, a new guy, and you want to have freedom,
right? You don't want to feel bound going into a place. And
so but I would I pray into that and just see what God is telling
you and leading you to do. And you know, you could try it out
if you're not sure because some people are like, I don't know
what God's saying. You could go and if you don't like it and you
feel uncomfortable, just leave. You know, yeah, you know, some
of it we have like, it's, it's that simple, you all we can go
and see how we feel. And kind of test the spirits, if you will
test how we're doing in this situation. But if you know in
advance, like, oh, I don't think that's something I want to put
myself through. Then that's great. Just just don't do it
then.
So that makes sense. Yeah, that's where I've been for the
last two years, going back and forth. Yeah, maybe I'm not
supposed to be there. Wait, maybe for even if I've this I
said to the Lord, like, if there's somebody that needs to
go there, I'll be happy to meet them there for the first time
and accompany them and help them get prayer and that kind of
thing. And that's what I did the last time I was there. But I
almost blew up at the guy.
Well, it sounds like you already know the answer to this. Yeah, I
know. But you know, what is new? What Robin said, I didn't even
think about it. Like, I felt like God didn't protect me with
that pastor. And I was under the radar like he didn't see me
or something like, you know, but but you know, honestly, a lot of
people had said that about that pastor and I was always his
advocate and I would always I kind of wouldn't even listen to
the people I would just say no, he's good. It's alright. Because
you know, all people fail, right? And we all fall short of
the glory. But this time it happened to me. So I'm like,
okay, well,
I also want to kind of and then I'm going to go to Leslie, I
want to mention something you just said. You said I didn't
feel like God protected me from that pastor. If you all
remember, you know, I struggled with this even as a kid, because
I thought, well, God, why didn't you protect me from my
brothers? Right. And here's the reality. God gives everybody
free will. Out of his love, he gives that pastor free will to
choose. He gives you free will to choose. He gave me free will
to choose. And he lovingly told me multiple times that my
spiritual daughter's dad was not good for me. The Holy Spirit was
telling me over and over and over again. Don't trust him.
Don't keep giving him your heart. Don't keep staying in
this relationship. And I kept believing that he was going to
change because you know what, I just I have the gift of faith
you all I do. And sometimes that gets overextended. And I give
people way too much grace to misbehave and treat me bad. And
so I have to own that side of my street, you know, and really
look at where do I need to make shifts and set healthier
boundaries. So that people that are unhealthy can't mistreat me
and abuse me and these ways repeatedly, right. And so I want
to really just encourage you to not partner with the lie that
God, you know, God wasn't defending you, because I think
God probably was protecting you and defending you. And it was
probably like you're saying, even through other people, you
know, people were saying, Hey, he's not safe. I think that that
is God defending you and trying to protect you. It's whether or
not you know, sometimes we just, you know, for whatever reason,
like I said, sometimes my gift of faith kicks in and I just
want to believe the best in people, you know, so we have to
be willing to look at that too. All right. Exactly. That's good.
Thank you so much for sharing. Appreciate you. All right,
Leslie, go ahead.
Okay, can you hear me? Okay, I can. Okay. I don't. Hi, I don't
share very often. I'm kind of private, but I felt sort of led
to my spiritual, I guess hurt or was a person but the person was
actually my dad, he was in the ministry full time. And so where
he went, we went as a family. But and I kind of jokingly call
him to do as I say, not as I do, pastor, but it really isn't
funny, because that really was how it was. So I guess in a
sense, I never really fully respected that the pulpit, I
guess, because I thought, well, if there anything like him, you
know, but for me personally, when I was just turned 16, not
long after I was, I became pregnant. And he was so angry.
And it was more about his image and that I embarrassed him. And
what are we going to do to, you know, fix this problem. And so
what I wrote
down as far as what it made me believe about God was that love is conditional,
that my mistakes define me. When I mess up, I'll not be supported. I basically went and
lived with my grandmother for the summer of my, the beginning of my pregnancy. So from like my
first, the end of my first trimester till school was going to start again, because he just didn't
want to see me and he didn't want me to see anybody that, you know, from church or even
like my grandmother had retired from her job and they didn't, they had me wearing this big dress
to try to hide something that was clearly not hideable, right? You can't really deny a pregnancy.
It's just not possible. So the other thing I believe is that he turns his back on me when
I mess up. And then the lies I believed about myself was I was tainted, that I'm disappointing,
that I was a statistic, you know, at that, I'm 47. So at that time, teenage pregnancy was
still, I mean, not that it's okay now, but it's definitely not something that's frowned upon the
way it was back then. And the feeling to need to hide, I do find myself doing that even now,
like if I'm sad or upset or stressed or whatever, I work from home. So I have a tendency to
just stay home, like at all costs, online church, you know, not do anything. And then I bet my
feelings are irrelevant. And I do find myself feeling that way in relationships. A lot of times,
you know, not that all men, men are less emotional from what I have found. And so if I am emotional,
I often feel like I'm too much or that what I feel in the situation doesn't really matter
or what have you. So all that being said, now my dad is elderly, and I have several siblings,
but none of them are very interested in spending time with him because he was just as unkind to
them as he was to me growing up and cheated on my mom, like you said, over and over like your
ex-husband did. And so they really, I hate to say they hold a grudge because that's between them and
the Lord, but I do think that's probably a lot of it. And they just, he's not really much different
than he was as a young man. And he's kind of a selfish old man. But so, and he lives near me,
so I take care of him. And so as much as he needs to be taken care of, he can't drive, he's sick.
And so over and over, I have to forgive him. Not just for that, but for just,
because I find myself dreading seeing him. I find myself thinking, just about him in general.
And I have very short patience with him because I'm already anticipating it not going well.
I did take him for his birthday to eat the other day and my son came with me, he's 14.
And I said, I think this is the best interaction that I've had with him that I can recall. And he
said, my son said, I thought the same thing. So I mean, I know that the Lord, I want to honor my
father, right? Because we're instructed to do so. And I don't think I have a hard time for
giving him but clearly he is the root of the majority of the things I've ever struggled with.
Yeah, this is pretty significant stuff, Leslie. And thank you for sharing it with us.
You know, this brings another layer to the conversation, which I mentioned this and
alluded to this, sometimes our spiritual leaders are family, right? They're friends. And, and so
that adds a whole nother level of that, that area that I was talking about, about how deep the wound
can cut. You know, not only is it connected to someone who is a Christian and spiritual,
but now you also have the layer, it's your dad and family. And so that's a whole nother layer
deeper in my, from my perspective. I'm really sorry that you were made to hide and that you,
you know, felt like you were not able to be forgiven or acknowledged or any of those things.
I mean, I'm sure you've done work around this before, Leslie, but I definitely,
the fact that you mentioned the dress thing, I don't know that I recall you mentioning that
during the heart work, you know, that they had you wear this big dress that you had to hide your,
you know, your body trying to pretend like you weren't pregnant. I want to encourage you
specifically to, I mean, the whole thing, whatever you feel led to right, but that specifically stood
out to me a lot tonight when you said it. And because there's a level of also at that,
at that stage, not feeling like you could
excited about your baby. Right. And he said, you can't bring
that baby here. So I mean, granted, my daughter, she's 30
years old now. She's grown woman, she's married. We have
somewhat of a relationship. We talk on the phone, we see each
other sometimes, but she was adopted at birth, because that
was what was going to happen. Now, was God's hand in that?
Yes, he had a better plan for her to than a teenage. I mean,
could I have raised her? Yes, I could have. Could I have raised
her? Had the way the people that adopted her raised her?
Probably not, because they were prepared for a baby. So those
things, even though they were hard pills to swallow at the
time, and took a lot of healing, like you said, I think that it
turned out well for her. And, and me too, in a in whatever
different capacities. So I don't like completely blame him.
Because, you know, but those words, I think were the ones
that were hard, you know, that that baby can't live here. And
like you said, I was excited about her. Despite being young
and whatever.
Well, and this is the thing. And this is why, when I said
earlier, um, see, your logical brain is kicking in. And that's
not a bad thing. But a lot of times what happens is when pain
is really deep, we turn to logic. Okay. And you've learned
how to forgive him. And that's a beautiful thing. But what I'm
going to encourage you to do is kind of turn off the logic a
little bit as you process this, and allow yourself to feel sad
about that for a minute. Even if you have before, I feel like
there's a new layer of healing in this for you. And not that
you have to stay here long term, because I'm sure again,
you've done work around this before. But I feel like even
just forgiving him specifically for what he said for again,
having to hide your body and this whole having to go live at
your grandma's and, you know, just it there's a level of
disowning here. Okay. That's what I hear in the spirit is
like disowning and God doesn't disown you. I want to say that
to everyone, God doesn't disown us when we make a mistake. Oh,
I just feel that a lot. He doesn't. And that's gonna that's
gonna take a while for that to soak in for you. Because of the
level of the wounding here. But um, he doesn't dismiss you. He
doesn't disown you. He's not trying to hide you and pretend
that you're something that you're not. Or he doesn't expect
things of you that you can't provide or be, you know, and,
and, and this whole, like, you know, the struggle of somebody
that is leading, and then they send you away because you made a
mistake. But yet he cheated on your mom, so many mixed messages
there. Right. And so again, just process through anything on a
forgiveness sheet that comes up as you're doing it. But
specifically those couple things and really allow
yourself, like I said, to the best of your ability turning off
the logic. Because you know that you know, okay, yes. Yes, at 16,
it probably helped both of you on some level. But there's also
loss there that I think is important for you to process and
give yourself that time to feel that and then keep moving
forward. Regarding having to see him all the time, man, I've
been in that situation, my mom, I had to help care for her. And
she was really manipulative and said, said and did a lot of
hurtful things. And so the best thing I can tell you is just
keep forgiving. Short accounts, try to keep your heart clean,
you know, the best that you can, when you need some kind of
reprieve, you might, you know, if you can get a nurse to help
you so that you're not the only one having to bear that. Because
I know that's not easy. I know it's not I've been there. But
God is going to teach you. God doesn't want that to happen to
you. Okay, let me just say that to God didn't want that to
happen to me with my mom. But God absolutely used it and still
uses it today as I coach people. So God can use and work all
things together for good in your life, but that doesn't make
the pain go away. Right? So keeping those short accounts,
just keep doing that. Do your best to love him and be the
light but you're you're not responsible for him being a
good person. Yeah, yeah. These are things
I mostly wanted to share just in case somebody else struggles, that it is possible, you know,
to, yes, I couldn't just leave him alone. Unkind, you know, so it's a really kind and loving thing
for you to do. Some people are going to feel called to do that. Some people are going to feel
called to have space. So everybody, you know, you, you've got to pray into these things and
choose for yourself what your journey looks like. But I love that you shared that Leslie, and
we'll be praying for God to bless you as you, you know, you serve him and love him. Appreciate
you sharing. I see a couple questions. I won't be able to do them all, but this one I had sitting
here for a little bit. Tim Saxton wrote, what do you do if you struggle to articulate what something
made you believe? Well, my best answer, Tim, is you want to get out the revealing for healing
cycle. And if you can't identify what the lie that it caused you to believe,
one of the best ways to start is to identify the emotion that you feel when you're thinking about
that situation that happened. The emotion that we feel tends to point to the lies that we believe.
Okay. So sometimes we have to start with the emotion first, excuse me, and then let God show us
what lies we believed as a result of those things happening. And remember that I said,
sometimes we're going to hear those responses, and we're going to have that revelation of what
the lie is right away. And sometimes it takes time. As we heal, different layers of things
will be revealed as we go. And I'm really big on like, just reiterating that to you all over and
over and over again, because sometimes we feel frustrated because we want healed from in a
certain area. And we feel like we are missing a piece on if y'all have ever been through that,
but sometimes that's how it feels like you're missing a piece of information that you feel can
be useful in your healing process. And so I'm really leaning into that will be helpful for
you. Go ahead, Tim, if you have something, I mean, I struggled to even articulate what
the emotion is, like, put a label to that. So I don't know how to, you know, use like the
Hurtworth book or stuff like that. Yeah. So I'm going to give you a couple ideas because I had
to do this. But let me ask you a question. First, when you were younger, were you allowed to show
emotion as a kid in front of your parents? Okay, so you were allowed to. So were your parents good
at helping you identify emotions that you were having? And it's okay, if not, because some
parents don't know how to do that. They don't know how to help their children like, identify
or name what an emotion is. So I don't think that either way. But just wondering if that was,
you know, was it just you had emotions, but no one knew how to identify them?
I don't know how to answer either way. Okay, that's right. That's totally fine. So you all,
this is something that I did. Because in my house, even though Tim, you're allowed to have emotion,
it sounds like the fact that maybe no one really knew how to identify what the emotions were.
I wasn't allowed to express emotion in my house. And I was kind of scolded for that. And so I often
hid to express my emotions. And so as an adult, one of the things I did, I actually initially did
it to help my spiritual daughters identify their emotions. But as I read the book, I was like,
oh my gosh, every adult should read this. It was a kid's book on emotions and identifying what
different emotions are. And it explained how different situations can happen. And we can have,
like sometimes we're going to feel angry, and we're going to feel all this warmth in our in here
in this region. And it explained literally those different kinds of things. And I know that
for some people, they'll be like, I don't want to read a kid's book to help me because they're,
you know, we get this kind of way about us that we feel like we should know those things. I'm huge
on even when people first start reading the Bible. If you've never, excuse me, if you've never read
the Bible before, I'm huge on getting a kid's Bible. I think anything that can help us understand
wherever we're at in our knowledge base and grow from there, do it. And so I would recommend him
looking into some kids emotions books and things that really can help you start to identify emotions
that you have. And it might still take a little while, but I think giving you those tools will
help you when you have something happen to start to like, oh, I'm feeling fear right now. Or
Oh, I'm feeling sad, but it's getting expressed through anger.
Y'all know that sad, unresolved pain and sadness turns to
frustration and turns to bitterness and can turn to
anger. A lot of times anger is like the high level emotion, but
there's other stuff underneath of there. So that is my honest
best recommendation for you on that.
Okay.
Yeah, and I'd start there and some of it to, you know, people
that have been through a lot will have numbing behavior, and
numbing, it just happens subconsciously numbing behavior
will help us or excuse me, cause us to not really recognize what
our emotions are. So you might, you might have been in the
numbing place for a while. So it can take a little while for
people that have been in that place to come out of it and
start to feel again, or even recognize what they're feeling.
So give yourself a lot of grace and look into some of those. If
you email into admin at Jackie Dorman calm and just let them
know that I asked you to email in I can send you the name of
the book that I bought because it's it's really, really good.
Okay, that'll be helpful for you.
I mean, personally, for me, the opposite might be helpful, like
the most technical adult book you can come up with. I'm the
person who can't have too much information, the more
information you give me, the easier it is.
Okay, but I think you having the knowledge base, I mean, I it's
a kid's book, but it's has a lot of information. And so just
because it's a kid's book, I don't want it to come across
like it doesn't have a lot of information. And so I can make a
recommendation for that and an adult level book, but I, I still
would highly recommend starting with the kid one first, because
we have to have a starting point. And then build on that
from there. Because I like a lot of facts. I read books all the
time on but sometimes you just need a visual connector so that
you can understand all the facts in the adult books.
Okay. Yeah.
But yeah, very good questions. All right, you all were at 952.
I went a little over but those were really great questions. And
I loved what everybody shared. Let me pray us out and I'll send
you all on your way. Father God, thank you so much for who you
are. We thank you God for the revealings for healing that are
happening that have happened. God, the ones that are going to
happen in the days to come. God, we thank you for meeting us
right where we're at. God, I pray that if our voices were
silenced in any way, in any situation that we went through.
God, I thank you that you would show us your great love for us.
I pray that you would help us to be able to identify the
emotions that we have. God, that we would be able to identify
lies we've been believing because of wounds and trauma
that we've been through. God, and ways that it causes us to
believe incorrect things about you as well as ourselves. God,
we thank you for truth coming, for supernatural breakthroughs
and acceleration. We thank you, God, that any blockages from
church, herd or spiritual leaders, God, that you would
remove those blockages from our hearts. We just thank you, God,
for clear channels in the days to come. In Jesus' name. Amen.
God bless you all. I hope you have a great night. See you guys
again soon. Bye, everyone.
Thank you, Bethany.
Bye.