Welcome, welcome. It is Monday, April 13th, 2026 for men's heart check-in and we'll get
us some things tonight. I will admit to you guys that I have been going down the AI train
and in a good way, in a productive, like healthy way, not like in a conspiratorial, like, you
know, taking over the world, what's going to happen sort of way. I've been trying to
jump on that. And so we can talk about that a little bit tonight if you want to, because
it's just kind of like top of mind for me. But at the same time, we can talk about several
other things. So I kind of want to leave it open to you to see what's going on in your
life. Maybe you're tired of doing what would seem like work stuff, but to me, the thing
about it is I'm energized right now. We just got done writing. I do the editing typesetting
and a little bit of proofreading for the books when Jackie writes the books, but she's just
writing, finishing up her new book, Modern Dating Sucks. And that's been incredible because
modern dating does suck. And the book is about explaining kind of first part of the book
is kind of like modern dating sucks. And here's why, like, here's how we got here to this
point and why we are here. And I so tempted to kind of dive into sort of like a summary,
but I just don't know that I would do it justice. So I'm not going to, I don't want
to hack it up and do that, but it's kind of interesting. The second part of the book then
goes into the mechanics of like, what is dating? What are we doing? Like, what is, what are
we looking for? What are, what are, you know, so this book is really, really instructional
and instrumental in the dating process. And then kind of like moving forward into like,
this is what you have to look forward to. So it's, it's all a good, good book. The premise
is kind of funny in terms of like modern dating sucks. It resonates with every person that
ever has heard of the title and they're like, yeah, that's interesting. Like that sounds
like an interesting read, you know, type thing. So that's coming out here in the next week
or so. Cause we finally just got through with it, writing a book. If you've ever, anybody
ever written a book in this, a little audience here, book writers, nobody. Okay. Writing
a book is not an easy process as you might imagine. And sometimes you'd be like, oh,
well, you know, but if you have like a good idea and it's just like, man, I think I could
write a book on that. And then you go to write the book because you're inspired by this idea.
Then you quickly find out like, oh my gosh, that this is not actually that easy of a process,
you know, even given the tools that we have today, it's still a very arduous, full of
labor process, very tedious. So just so you know, and it's just not reading, it's not
writing the book and then you have to finish the book and then revise the book and fix
the book. And then, oh my gosh, it's just over and over and over. And then it's nonstop
because it's kind of like, it's kind of like the little crossing the T's dotting the eyes
that never ends. Oh, there's a comma there though. No, that should not have to be a comma.
It's like, ah, it just gets so crazy. Like I said, even with the tools, there are a lot
of great tools out there to help us kind of do that. But still with that, it's still a
very, very difficult process. So what's on your mind, what's on your heart tonight, guys?
I want to open the floor. Anybody want to volley out there? Anybody want to bring something
to the group? This is heart check-in. But we can talk about anything really that's constructive
because I think it all goes together. I mean, career goes together, life goes together,
health and fitness goes together, heart work goes together. Your preparation for where you're
going and what you're doing, it all goes together. So we'd like to kind of be open in that way.
So what's up? I just had a question. Just kind of curious what the format or what the purpose
of this group is. Are all the guys on here, are we all doing our heart work right now?
Yeah. So I mean, because this group, this particular group is, this particular meeting
is supposed to be heart check-in and
there's a lot of us that are regulars on here.
We've been meeting for quite a long time.
And so we're all on our different parts
of the journey through heart work.
Some of us are in it.
Some of us are doing, you know,
first five, sort of first four or five weeks of heart work,
which is kind of like the heart work as a course
and as a book is intended to be like a four
or five week process initially to go through it,
which is kind of what you started, Rodney.
And then after that, heart work as a protocol
is really something that can be used
over and over and over and over again.
So it's designed in that way to basically be a tool.
And so lots of times what we do on these calls
is kind of process, you know, what we're going through.
And I try to leave it open-ended
and open floor as possible so that you can,
so I'll just sit here and just talk the whole time
and talk at you guys.
So we want to be able to answer questions.
We want to be able to process.
We want to be able for you to share and get some stuff out.
So if you have something to share, you can do that, Rodney.
But we're all at different spots in our journey.
Okay, yeah.
Thanks for explaining that.
I'm just kind of new to the process.
I'm just going to kind of sit back and listen in.
If I just, I'm curious, like,
what is your thought initially
in terms of why you were attracted to this program?
You heard, obviously, Jackie on 30, the Wisdom Challenge.
What was the thing that kind of piqued your interest
to begin with?
To be honest, I think I first heard about it,
like in the 31-Day Wisdom Challenge,
there were some people in the chat.
Someone mentioned they were single.
One woman mentioned, someone said,
oh, you got to do this program unless you're single.
So that was the first time I saw it.
And then I've heard Jackie speak a few times
in Kingdom Seekers.
Yeah.
And obviously she's just a very, very powerful speaker.
I just really connect with her, the way she speaks and stuff.
And so, you know, I'm a little bit about me.
I'm 56, never been married.
You know, still have hope for finding my soulmate.
And I know I've got work to do.
You know, 56 years on this earth,
you just, you take on baggage over that time.
And so 30 years, I've been a believer.
And, you know, kind of finding out I've got a lot of just,
you know, religious ideas,
which I probably need to let go of.
Probably need to let go of some of that stuff.
And yeah, pretty much just happy to be here
and start kind of digging in and letting Holy Spirit,
you know, do his thing and do that work, you know?
Yeah, that's good.
Now, I appreciate you sharing.
I appreciate you being transparent like that.
And I'll let you, you know,
kind of do your initial heart work, of course,
without kind of going in too hard.
But you said,
have you had any long-term, any kind of relationship
where it was either headed towards marriage
or anything like that in your life?
Yeah, I did.
This was, you know, about 20 years ago, I was with a gal
and, you know, we both kind of thought
it was heading towards marriage.
And I don't want to go too much into it,
but at one point, God told me to break it off.
And to me, that would just made no sense at all.
But it was very clear that he was telling me
to break it up with her.
And so I did, but to be honest,
I was very confused for a long time as to why.
I did kind of find out, you know, a few years later
why, what God was protecting me from.
But that was a difficult thing to go through
because I felt like I'd found my soulmate
and then I felt like it was just kind of yanked out.
Oh, wow.
And yeah, I just didn't really date much after that.
I just kind of, you know, just, yeah.
So I didn't date for a long time after that.
I see, I see.
Well, thanks for sharing that, Rodney.
Yeah, I'm sorry to.
whatever happened there didn't work out,
but at the same time, definitely want to be,
if you have that kind of feeling like,
oh, you know, kind of like it wasn't the right thing
or it could have been something different,
then maybe that was, you know, a good thing, but.
Okay, well, yeah, man, we'll let you do,
you know, kind of like getting your heart work
and see what happens with that
and just kind of continue on the journey.
Who else has got something else you want to share,
want to get into tonight?
I'll share a couple wins if you'd like.
Yeah, go ahead.
So I kind of finished the online dating portion
and we talked to Renee a few weeks ago
about that kind of stuff.
So I've jumped into online dating,
Coffee Meets Bagel and Holi are the two
I've decided to focus on for my first 90 days.
I've actually gone through a lot.
I mean, it's kind of, there's a lot to do.
You gotta keep track of a lot of chats, stuff like that,
but I actually did a video chat with a woman on Thursday.
I did one last night that we went a little long.
We actually went two hours
because we were just really enjoying the conversation.
So I've got another date with both of them going forward.
So it's actually, I mean, as someone who hated online dating
my first round of it, I mean, absolutely.
I actually, and I will tell you guys this,
I had it in the folder on my phone
where I kept like Bumble and stuff like that
was named Living Hell.
I literally had that as the folder
because that's what I thought.
It's like, this is hell on earth.
This is going into this app and trying to message 10 women
who don't give me the time of day.
But I have to say, I mean,
I did the things that I was told to do
and it seems like I'm getting a lot more matches
and at least a lot more chats going
and to the point where I actually I'm having to limit
my time on some of this stuff
because I'm actually getting some interaction.
So yeah, I'm feeling good about it.
I'm not gonna tell you guys that I met my soulmate yet,
but I did wanna share those two wins
because I'm excited about the two that I've got here.
I was gonna ask you first of all,
kind of like, well, how have you enjoyed doing that?
And I think you kind of answered that like, okay,
obviously, you had the one long chat
and so you found it to be not as miserable
maybe as you thought in general
in terms of just the experience.
But like, what's one thing that you thought
that you learned maybe either about yourself
or even about the process in just the few that you've had?
Cause there's something that kind of sticks out
and goes like, oh man, I didn't know that I could
be so engaging or like, I mean,
is there something that you learned about the process
that maybe would surprise you?
I think surprisingly, I've had a lot that are very open
to actually doing the video chat.
I think that was just something I just never considered
at the time that I was doing it.
And just go for it.
Hey, I'm really enjoying this conversation
because the first time I dropped
like kind of Renee's boilerplate,
like, hey, this is kind of a complicated thing.
First time I dropped that chat,
I'm like, no way this person's gonna say yes.
And they did.
And I was like, oh, well, cool.
Now, and then immediately gave me her number
and we're texting.
Same thing with the second one.
Had one that actually brought up a couple deal breakers.
Said, yeah, I'd love to join a video chat,
but here's my couple deal breakers just right off the bat.
Ended up one of them was me.
So I was like, all right, yeah, it's not gonna work out.
But it's just very, like there's no animosity.
There's no like drama, which was actually really...
So what I learned about myself
is I think I'm bringing a lot of drama
more than I would like to admit maybe.
Or a lot of, oh, it's gonna go wrong
or that anxiety and stress and drama.
Maybe a little bit more in my head than I realized.
Okay.
Would you say that before you did a video chat
the first time or second time or whatever,
was it just being on video was intimidating itself?
Like you thinking like, oh my gosh, it's vulnerable.
It's too much or whatever, like here you are.
Like, what do you do?
What do you say?
Was that just like, this seems overwhelming.
Like it's, was that the initial thing
that was like sort of the fear, if you were?
No, the fear was definitely rejection.
Like, I just think nobody's even, yeah.
Nobody's even gonna,
they're immediately gonna stop chatting with me.
Like we're having kind of a good convo.
And if I drop the, hey, let's do a video chat,
they're just gonna, all right, no.
And I actually did have a couple.
Oh, so it's like, okay.
So you engaged in chat in a conversation.
And then moving to the video was kind of like
where you felt like that was gonna be the drop-off point.
I thought for sure that we were done
because a lot of these things,
I'm just used to.
getting strung along for so long.
We were just having these endless text threads.
And cause I, and also I feel bad.
I feel bad at the person who I've had a few that I just dropped off.
They weren't engaging.
They weren't really, it wasn't good conversation.
And I just let it drop off and I, it was against my spirit.
Cause I'm like, I got to have closure on everything.
And I'm like, no, you don't.
It's fine.
So, um, but yeah, taking that initial, like, Hey, I actually think I really
liked this person a little bit.
And I'd like to get to actually know them one-on-one.
Oh my gosh.
If I throw it out there and be like, oh, too soon, this is creepy.
And now it's on my head.
Yeah.
And that's the thing, because I feel like, I feel like with, and I think
this goes along with your experience.
I feel like, um, I feel like if a woman is actually truly marriage minded,
like they're truly serious about, they're not just on there goofing around.
I'm just trying to be whatever, see, see what's up, but
they're truly marriage around.
I feel like a woman, any woman that is serious about that would enjoy talking
to you via video, because you're not a creepy guy, you don't come across
like, like very intimidating.
You've, you know, you've seemed conversational.
I don't think I don't based on what you're showing me right now, I don't
see why any woman who's serious wouldn't at least entertain a conversation with
you and I understand how that should that leap from like the chat and then
let's do a video thing sounds like you've crossed that bridge.
And so like, like, okay.
You're like, okay, I got this.
Like I can make the transition and.
I still might get rejected because someone may get into the video, not
like something about my appearance or me or whatever it is and still may get
rejected, but at the same time, I think what you're learning is, is that number
one, you can make the conversion from chat to video and that's important because
you're serious about what you want.
You serious about finding out and what you have to do is kind of like, it's
like, it's almost like sales in the sense.
It's kind of like, look, the faster I get to this video situation, the better
off this is going to be, even if it's a negative, even if it's a no, because
at least I know, like, I'm willing just to go there, go there, go there, do the
reps because there isn't any sense in trying to string along, like you say before
in a chat and then either get rejected and feel bad and then get discouraged or
not bring it to a, like a serious, like, Hey, is this, could this be something?
So the sooner you get to that, I think that's kind of like what
you're learning here as well.
So it's like, you've crossed the bridge of, I feel like I can, uh, make that
transition now that I've done that I can get to those yeses, maybe a little bit
sooner, I can get to those possibilities a little bit sooner and entertain some
really good stuff rather than just kind of feeling like this isn't working.
And there's forward momentum, which I've never felt in dating ever.
That's awesome.
There was forward, forward momentum.
And I am going to, I know that I likely will have to just from our chats that
we've had, um, I'm likely going to have to cross that next barrier that is, is
giving me anxiety, which is, Hey, I don't think this is working out.
Um, but, um, but it's a yes until it's no.
Right.
So that's where I'm at with it.
And, um, this one got a little bit overwhelming with the, uh, she actually
sent me screenshots of a marriage of two marriage books that she's
reading with like 50 questions.
Marriage proposals.
No, just questions about like, Oh, for a partner.
And I, I actually kind of, uh, again, I'm taking everything very
light because I'm trying to have fun.
That's really what I want.
My life, somebody who's fun, my entire life is drama.
My job is drama.
I don't need serious and I will get serious.
I'm not saying I won't, but I'm just, I'm just saying like, Hey, let's have a
little bit of fun, see if we can actually have some, some fun because
that's what I'm really looking for.
And so she sends me all this and I actually just, I say, Hey, why don't we
make a game?
We'll do a question of the day.
You can do a question a day, send it to me, but yeah, I can't go through this
like line of the resume that you sent me and answer every question about like
one of them's like, who was the most influential person in your life and why?
I'm like, okay, well that's a whole conversation on its own.
Yeah.
So that's super deep, especially on the first, first conversation.
That's so yeah.
So that's, that's just really encouraging for you, Christopher.
I really, I'm really glad you're saying this.
I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm excited for you because I progress is good.
I think you're learning a lot of things about yourself.
Um, I think you're learning about the, the, a lot of things that you can do.
I love Renee stuff because she's very good at putting together.
It's surprisingly, when you follow a script a little.
and you follow like a protocol that somebody's given, like, just trust the process, you know,
and it works and it shows you, it's like, oh, okay, I can make this transition. I can make,
you know, the connection to the next part. So I, I'm just happy for you on that. I love that.
And I, I just want to encourage, since we have someone who's on the first week of the hard work,
that is what I did on day one with this program. As I said, I'm just going to trust the process
because I'm the skeptic. I am the, I was like, there's no way this is going to work,
but I'm going to just go at 110% and I've been such a reward. I mean, just the hard work was
worth the price of admission, in my opinion, I mean, those five weeks were amazing. So
just trust it. Just, just try. That's great, man. That's awesome. I appreciate
you sharing Christopher so much. That's so really good. I thanks, thanks for
sharing all that detail and the wind is part of it. Mike, what do you got, man? You're raising
your hand. Well, I was, uh, you know, Christopher to kind of your point with the gal with the
questions and all that. I actually, well, I learned this week,
you know, because I have been matching as well. I learned that I have to pull it out of the,
um, the serious thing because I met somebody who was actually really amazing,
but she kept, but I, I kept just matching it and I'm like, okay, but I, I, I, I didn't pull it back
to fun. Yeah. And you could tell that. And I, I, you know, and I, I was like, I need to bring it
back to fun and light, you know? And she's like, you know what, I just can't do this dating thing.
And she, she just bounced. Right. And so like, I, um, so that was one of my observations is
most women want to like figure you out and like the first 30 seconds, like, well, in my, like my
conversations, they want to go super deep and like, Hey, you know, are you going to be a good,
you know, and, but to keep it fun. And, um, and I mean, I know I used to be the, uh, that,
that guy who was like, Hey, what about this? Well, cause I was told that you have to be honoring
and you need to find out certain things so you don't dishonor them. But then reality is keep it
fun. Learn as you go. Um, I wish I had done that because she was pretty cool. Um, but you know,
she just got overwhelmed. I was a little overwhelmed and I have a pretty well,
and you bring up a good point, Mike, because I think.
In best case scenario, the guy, and this is kind of a principle and it's hard to navigate because
of the, of the culture we live in, because there's a lot of things that go against this grain,
but the guy really has the opportunity to regulate the conversation. Like you're saying,
like, sometimes it can be, you know, too silly and it can be not serious enough because it's
kind of like, you don't want to get strung along, but at the same time, you also don't
want to go like super deep in the first conversation, the first situation or the
first or too early in that. And so what, what you're bringing up, both of you guys kind of
like in your analogies is kind of like, you have the opportunity. This is where most guys,
I think don't feel comfortable. It's because they don't have the confidence to regulate the
conversation because like Mike, you're saying like, well, I was taught to like honor her and
like, you know, be sensitive and all that kind of stuff. And so you like, you don't want to come
across too strong. So you don't want to become across as too authoritative or whatever, too
manly or too whatever. It's just like, well, no, actually, if you, if you come into the situation
with knowledge, understanding I'm, I'm my role as the male or as the masculine,
you have an opportunity to bring regulation to the conversation. So therefore you can be
level-headed about it. So like, if the conversation needs more levity, you bring the levity. If the
conversation needs a little bit more like gravitational, like, Hey, we're getting a little
silly, not silly, like as in, you know, haha, funny, but silly as in like, this is, you know,
going away. That's going to be not good, not proper, not like not wholesome, like not whatever
you can bring the regulation to that, you know, and I think women for the most part,
I think they'll respond to that. And the ones that won't respond to that are the ones that,
you know, are, are probably dealing with their own heart wounds. They're probably
dealing with their own trigger points. They're probably dealing with their own thing,
but here's the thing you as the man can decide, Hey, there's something about this woman that I
like. I'm enjoying. I want to get to know, but I'm going to have to regulate this and it's okay to
regulate because I can bring the masculine to it.
I can bring the sort of the gravitas,
the weight to it when it needs to be.
But you have to have your wits about you.
You can't just be caught up in your emotions
and you can't be caught up in lack of confidence.
So that's why when you're trained,
like Christopher, you're using like,
hey, I'm just gonna trust this process.
You found some confidence in that, that's good.
That's where you can then in the next instance,
you can bring a level of confidence to know,
hey, this is kind of how this is gonna go.
This is how this is supposed to go.
And I'm gonna kind of walk this line
and help us keep on that productive path.
That's just where your male masculine side
can be helpful in this process.
Rather than you have the feminine,
which they're gonna be like emotional all over the map
and whatever, or there might be a little bit intimidated,
a little bit fearful, a little bit this, a little bit that.
This is where you can sort of bring in the level
to the relationship and begin there
if it's worth going to the next step.
Like, again, it's like, it's a yes until it's a no.
There were some things about Jackie,
given our situations,
what we were coming out of in our life points,
we were coming through major, major transition when we met.
And we kind of knew it,
but we also didn't kind of know it in the sense.
I mean, I didn't know her story that much, right?
She didn't know my story much.
We just kind of knew the sort of the surface points.
And so there were some things that like weren't ideal.
They weren't perfect.
They were a little out of my comfort zone.
I had been married pretty much all my life
and dated the one girl all the way from junior high school
and married her.
So I didn't have any experience dating.
I didn't have any experience talking to other women,
especially a beautiful woman standing in front of me,
giving me the time of day.
Like that was like blowing my mind, you know,
with this person.
Jackie is a formidable force of femininity.
She's not just some wallflower, right?
So you can imagine like,
here I am the math teacher with a tie,
religious little church boy.
And I'm talking to this hot chick
who's my next door neighbor.
I mean, that's recipe for intimidation, right?
But at the same time,
I was also at a stage in my life where like,
I was willing to sort of be a little bit on the edge.
I was willing to like,
I was willing to gamble a little bit.
And so God was very provisional in that whole story.
But I didn't know that.
It's hard to tell the story in retrospect
because and put yourself in my shoes telling my story,
because my story is like,
now I was 20 years old and I married
and we're doing all this great stuff.
But again, I didn't know any of that in the moment.
I didn't know any of it.
I didn't know it was gonna work out.
I didn't know she was amazing
in the way she's amazing now,
because that actually didn't start revealing itself
until a year after we got married.
So I'm just telling you,
I get where you're coming from.
Like I was rolling the dice in some of these things.
So I kind of had to like regulate,
like too fast, too slow, all this, but I was into her.
I enjoyed her company.
I enjoyed how she, I enjoyed her looks.
I enjoyed her personality.
She was fun.
And we had a good time.
So when you're into someone,
but you have, there's something about the other person
that's kind of making you nervous,
kind of like, oh, is this gonna be like,
how's this gonna work out?
It's okay to go through that and regulate a little bit
and do that.
It's a yes until it becomes an absolute no.
Now, if you get down the road
and you're like, this person,
I'm just not really gelling with this person.
It's just not, that's not doing it.
I mean, and it's not predicated just on looks alone,
but you're just not enjoying this person
that you're getting to know after one or two or three times,
then that can be a no and it's okay to move on.
And then when you're in these level one relationships
or level two relationships where there's no exclusivity,
there's no, like I'm deciding to commit to exclusivity.
date this person and you're in that discovery process,
it is okay to be full of discovery, full of wonder,
full of anticipation, full of all the stuff of like,
what is the possibility here?
What is the curiosity?
What is, you know, let's find out.
You got to go the distance to find out.
And I think that's kind of like
what we're talking about here.
Does any of this resonate?
Yeah, can I jump in real quick with a tool that I used?
So, you know, she asked a couple of questions
where I was like, hey, you know what?
That is kind of, that's something I would talk in person
on a date, like, you know, like when we're chatting
face to face, over the phone, through chat to chat.
So you can set lines and boundaries in how you do that.
But you guys, I don't know about you,
but maybe you guys are better at this than me,
but you don't have to figure it all out immediately.
Yeah.
And I think if you're trying to figure it out immediately,
it just is overwhelming.
And they don't remember how,
they remember how they felt.
They don't remember what you said,
but they remember how you felt about what you said.
How you make them feel.
Right?
And so you got to keep that in mind too,
is like our goal in leading is, hey, you know what?
I'm going to, can we punt, you don't say punt,
you know, can we chat about that when we date?
You know, that's a date kind of question.
Let's have some fun on here, or let's, you know,
and just, and don't, and like Christopher, you said,
like, keep it lighter.
You know, I mean, especially if they're going heavy,
then go like, hey, let's go out on a date.
We can chat about that on a date, or having fun,
or hey, and just switch it up.
But like, you guys don't have to,
you can punt to in person.
In person, like heavy duty conversations
are better done in person, and not over a phone,
over things, so I would highly say,
hey, you know, that's something I talk about in person.
So just, you know.
I tend to, for some reason, I attract,
this is like the third one I have.
I tend to attract counselors,
and maybe God's trying to fix me.
But she's like the third counselor-like person
I've been dating, and so she's full on.
She's got the books, and the knowledge,
and the certificates, and doctorates to back it all up,
and I'm like, hey, how you feel about Malcolm in the middle?
I'm like, can we not dig down
onto like my deep-seated dramas right now?
Like, I don't know your last name.
Yeah, exactly.
Bro, keep it light, man.
Let's have some fun.
I love that.
That's really good.
Christopher went away.
I don't know what happened to him.
Might've just kicked, his internet might've kicked off.
It's good, good stuff, guys.
What do you know?
So yeah, you just kicked off.
Sorry, I kicked myself, sorry.
That's all right, bro.
Man, this is a good conversation.
What else is going on, guys?
Anybody want to contribute to this?
Got something for us?
Nobody.
I'll go ahead.
Go ahead, dude.
If my reception holds up,
because I'm driving all over the place right now.
So, and kind of getting out
into the Pennsylvania mountains here,
but I guess I just wanted to share some wins.
Like yesterday, I made the most money ever
in my current place of employment.
Awesome.
So, and it required working a lot of hours,
it required working a lot of hours,
but that's another win too,
because I see that my nervous system's coming back online.
Before, I couldn't do that without, you know,
having to, you know, sleep the next few days,
working like 15 hours, so.
Wow. Anyway.
So. Awesome.
Good, man.
That's good news.
So that's a big win.
My other concern is this.
It's just, I think the thing that's getting me stuck
is I've got some kind of internal conflict going on.
Like, you know, I believe in my head
that moving forward with, you know,
reaching out to women
and finding the right one's a good thing,
but in my heart, I'm just like,
the brakes are on too much.
So I kind of look at it like,
at a scale of one to 10,
maybe before my last relationship
or at the beginning of it,
I was at a seven out of 10 of interest
of pursuing something like that.
And I just feel like I'm stuck at a three
because the last relationship was abusive,
but I can relate to the whole overthinking thing
and the drama and all that.
And like, I don't, you know,
I don't want to be the woman.
in the relationships, so to speak.
I need to be the rock and not all over the place.
So anyway, so I guess God's working on that,
but I mean, three things have come up lately
that are really helping me.
It's just lately in the past couple of days,
I haven't had much time to really do much with it,
but just working with a attachment style relationship
with a style coach, also realizing and working
on past church wounds, plus also working on,
what would be the other one?
Oh, money, money wounds.
Like to me, that's my three-stranded cord
that once it's dealt with, will be strong in the right way,
not easily broken, so yeah.
Anyway.
You said church wounds, what was the first one?
It was, I'm working with the attachment style coach,
so attachment style wounds, which I think is like
even more foundational than the money wounds.
I think the money wounds and the church wounds
kind of sit on top of that,
but they're pretty far deep as well.
What's the church wound?
Well, the most recent church,
I kind of left like a year and a half ago
because it was just kind of a religious situation.
The leader kept saying going on
with this not so good situation ship.
I'm really struggling with whether I should go back
one more time and just break.
Ask, you know.
The leader of the church had a relationship situation
that wasn't good, is that what you said?
No, no, no.
Like they were, like because of where I was at
and their wounds were similar to mine,
like unhealed wounds and they,
unhealed wounds have blind spots.
It caused a big mess
and I wasn't the greatest communicator.
So all that combined made a perfect storm.
You just didn't find,
eventually you just didn't find favor there.
Is that what you're saying?
Well, I left because I felt extremely unsafe,
which is not normal for a guy to feel,
like a woman experiences that a lot.
So I guess I learned the hard way how a woman sees life,
but yeah, that's why I left.
Am I answering your question?
Okay, and then money wounds.
I'm just trying to really quick,
do a quick thing real quick.
The money wounds is just struggle
to make the kind of money that you wanna make.
Is that basically?
Well, when I finally had real breakthrough in it,
then the situationship came in
and it left me devastated financially at the end of it.
Because this leader was convinced
that this person was legit and it was a scammer
and they thought it was just, you know.
They stole a bunch of money from you,
the person you were in relationship with?
Well, they manipulated it out of me
because what happens in those relationships is.
Think we're losing connection with you.
Stay long distance, chat and all that.
And it was just totally, but the thing I was so broken,
like I took a break from this.
Okay, so we're.
Break it up, Dave, we can't hear you, bro.
We're breaking up, Dave.
We're breaking up, Dave, we can't hear you.
If you can hear us, I get the.
I can hear you, I can hear you, I can hear you.
Can you hear me?
I can hear you.
You're breaking up, so we're.
But yeah, if you can hear us.
I can hear you.
That's fine.
I can hear you.
Cool.
Yeah, I can hear you.
Okay, man.
Yeah, no, I get.
I just kind of wanted to get the gist of that situation,
kind of know more about your situation.
Yeah, I'm sorry that you experienced all that.
And I really am,
because a lot of people have experienced the same thing.
And it's just not pleasant,
especially just to put place trust in people
and they take advantage.
And that's just, that's not cool.
It's not good.
It's obviously not godly.
And at the same time,
what I am glad about is,
is that you're not in that situation anymore.
I love that.
And I love the fact that,
you've been in this community for a while
and I've seen you do nothing but progress and grow.
So that's.
that's the good part of it, and I'm happy for that.
I love the fact that you'd said the other day,
said that yesterday or today,
said was where most money you'd ever made in a long time.
So I love that.
It's awesome.
I'm gonna celebrate those wins
and celebrate the progress that you're making.
So that's really cool.
Thank you so much for sharing, Dave.
Did you hear me now or no?
Cause I'm on top of a hill now.
Yeah, I can hear you.
Okay, yeah.
I just wanna let you know I caught all that,
but I'm gonna have to just end it right here anyway.
But yeah, I mean, yeah.
I don't know if there's something I need to dive deep
around with somebody to talk about or not,
but yeah, cause I'm tired of being stuck.
I wanna move forward.
I'm tired of-
Absolutely.
I can hear it in your voice.
I can hear it in your heart.
Yeah, I'm tired of the woman that's waiting for me waiting.
Like, she's waited long enough.
She's waited long enough.
Let's get after it, bro.
Let's get after it.
I love it.
It's the first time I've ever heard excitement
and passion in your voice.
So I love it.
Yeah, thank you.
I appreciate it.
Thanks for the encouragement, David.
I'll let you go now.
Yeah, it's good, man.
I love it.
Thanks for sharing.
You're welcome.
Good stuff.
David, I dropped it in the chat,
and I know you're driving.
They did you in the advanced heart work on Thursday.
They actually covered church wounds,
and it was a good session.
Actually, my first time that I did the advanced heart work.
So if you catch that in replay.
Oh, it's good.
Thanks for posting that, Christopher.
That's awesome.
It's a good suggestion.
Thanks for that.
Yeah, man, that's really hard.
A lot of you, I grew up in church.
I get it.
A lot of us have been a long time
church-associated people,
and it's really brutal
when you're in a bad situation in church, man,
because there's so much trust,
and there's so much belief that you're putting into this.
It's not just like working at a place.
It's not just like people you know.
It's people you're supposed to be really in with,
and it's supposed to be more than just
a gym that you belong to.
It's supposed to be more than that,
and it's supposed to be tied with godliness,
and then when it just turns out to be less than human,
I mean, human is one thing.
Like, humans are not perfect.
Things are not perfect.
Things that humans do and are involved with are not perfect.
We all know that.
We get it, but then when it's less than human
in terms of just human imperfection,
and it's just straight up abusive
and straight up just like just not a good culture,
it's super, super hurtful, super disappointing,
and it's super, like it really affects you for a long time,
and I can attest to that.
I'm a witness to that.
I feel that.
I know what that's like,
and it's really, really frustrating
and really, really can make you angry, so I get it,
but we have to move forward.
We have to move forward.
I don't mean on this call.
What I'm saying is it's like we as men,
we as children of God, the one thing I've learned
going through what I went through in my church experience
is that I can't obviously throw the baby out
with the bathwater.
I can't throw the truth that I learned
in the season of life.
I'm reprocessing that, re-configuring that,
but at the same time, there's still a calling.
There's still a cause.
There's still purpose.
There is still truth to be had.
There is still a life to live.
There is still things to be had.
One thing I'm convinced of more than anything
is that your future, I don't care how old you are,
I don't care how, like maybe like,
well, you know, I'm getting kind of like long in the teeth.
I get, no, it doesn't matter.
There is always something more, something better
for you to reach out for than what you're holding on to,
and so anything that is something you feel like
you want to let go of or not be associated with anymore,
trust me, bro, you have my wholehearted encouragement
to let go.
You have God's permission to let go.
You have Holy Spirit's permission to be free
and release yourself to move.
move on into the better.
And I'm not just talking positivity,
I'm just talking about there is no room,
if you can get to this point in your mind, in your heart,
that there is no room for less than in your life.
You can move into a season of productivity
and a season of progress and a season of gains
in your person, your health, your finances, your journey,
your purpose in life, if you can let go of the past.
You cannot do anything about the past.
And yes, I know it affects you.
Yes, I know it happened.
Yes, I know it's shaped part of like how you are
and how you think and what you do, I get it.
But you have to let go of all the past,
even 10 minutes ago, you can't do anything about it.
You can't take it back.
That's why you can be in a moment of straight up
like rebellion and sin, if you wanna go there,
if you wanna go there, you can be in straight up rebellion
and come to yourself in your senses and go,
I need to have a conversation with God
and talk about it right then and there.
That's one of the points of the prodigal son.
The prodigal son was still, he had the conversation
to himself with God while sitting in the pig pen.
He didn't get out of the pig pen, clean himself up
and start feeling good about himself
and then have a conversation with God
about going back to the father's house.
He literally had the conversation
while he was in the hog pen.
You know what I'm saying?
And I'm not even talking about like trying to be in sin.
I'm just trying to say, I'm just kind of like
juxtaposing this in the worst of the worst.
You know what I'm saying?
So even in your lack, you may not be like,
hey, I'm such a terrible rotten person.
You may just be feeling not your best self.
You just may be feeling not confident.
You may be feeling like less than.
Okay, well that makes it even easier
because you're not having to crawl your way
out of some horrid situation.
You're just not feeling just like there's gotta be more.
And I'm just here to tell you, bro, there is more.
There is advancement.
There is greater purpose.
There is more finances.
There is more of you to be had.
So it's about going after it.
It's like, you know, when you finally wake up
and you decide, you know what?
I'm gonna make my life better.
I'm gonna get in shape.
I'm gonna get a new job.
I'm going to learn a new skillset.
And you just finally decide and make up your mind.
You're gonna do it.
And you're just gonna go after it.
That's the part I'm talking about.
So I just wanna encourage you guys tonight.
Your life is not over.
You are not done.
You can restart.
You can refire.
You can rebrand.
You can go the distance and it can be really good.
Rodney, you raised your hand.
What do you gotta say, bro?
I think he left the room.
He's not sitting in his chair.
Hunter, you got your hand raised.
What'd you got, bro?
Oh, he just got back.
Oh, it's about what I've been thinking in my mind.
I just wanna know is why I'm not seeing anybody at all.
And I'm not even on an app.
I'm thinking, asking myself,
why do I even wanna be in a relationship?
Why do I wanna spearmint when outside of that,
I've been having things going good for me
and I'm already challenging myself on doing jujitsu
or why is it I wanna be in,
if they're not gonna initiate,
if I'm gonna be the one initiating the conversations
all the time?
Well, I mean, why do you want to?
Oh, it's because of prestige.
Though it's because of the prestige
and have family like everybody, personal.
growth or so, and also personal growth.
And I also, it was a goal, but I'm thinking,
you know what, I'm just gonna let,
it's like a prize, like a goal,
like you wanna win a championship or so.
But the problem is, what people don't realize is,
I learned is, rather than just one right now,
you become transformed people.
But the thing is, by the time I received the prize
or the blessing, I'm a changed man.
So basically, I'm just gonna let go of the goal
I had at 20 years old when I dreamed of making
a rat race to make it happen.
But the point is, with God, and really, I said,
God, if you don't help me, you're in big trouble.
And so me saying, I'm going to God with my goals
and earthly agenda as a kid, and ask him the rubber stamp.
Well, now I'm gonna make it the other way around,
is saying, you know what, God,
hey, God, what's happening?
When I figure, you know what, I'm gonna let it go
and leave it to you.
And then I got all these enhanced abilities or so.
I'm thinking, why do I wanna go with some,
build a relationship with someone when they don't have
that connection with me or anything?
So, but instead of just going into despairing,
wallowing in despair, thinking this isn't for me,
this isn't for me, you say, you know what,
what can we do to make it happen?
Let's let go of the here you go.
I mean, you have bad parts and the right spirit
maybe will be with you in those hard times.
But let's think about where would you be?
Basically, every time I try to see somebody,
it ends up being at my expense.
So I figure, life's too short for me
to deal with those things.
Yeah, I can, I also believe, Ander,
that you see the value in the relationship as well.
So I think you see that.
And I think that you,
I think you're pursuing that as well.
So, and it's not just about the goal.
I think you see the value of the relationship.
So I think that's there too.
But I get you, bro.
I think, I have been so impressed and so encouraged
by your processing all this,
as long as we've been hanging out and knowing
and many feeling, incredible.
It's all about, the only thing that's different
is me understanding why when I got rejected,
I just seeing them, why would they wanna reject me?
I can see where they're going at,
but at the same time receive where they're coming from.
But now I need to do is figure, you know what,
if nobody's around, I don't care.
I'm gonna go out and have fun myself.
I don't give a crap.
It's basically thinking,
why do I even wanna be in one wing?
I'm not, my parents might,
cause my parents are in their seventies
and what did they die before they meet him?
Last thing I need is to go in a relationship
and they don't see me and my family or so.
I'm thinking, I'm seeing yours, but you won't see my end.
So I don't know why I'm gonna waste my time.
Well, I agree with Abram.
Like every experience is preparing you for the next.
So it's a reality, bro.
I get you, but I feel you, man.
You be you though, that's, you know, seriously,
sometimes you do get frustrated and I get it,
but at the same time, when you are authentically you,
that's also when you're most attractive.
So it's kind of a funny scenario,
but at the same time,
more people than not have found their significant other
when they're just kind of like, you know what,
forget about it.
I'm just gonna go do me.
Like, then all of a sudden things start happening.
So you never know.
You think when I went abroad,
I got to go jump up and down and have fun.
And then the family took a liking to me
and let me come to their house anytime.
Almost like I'm an adopted adult,
got to mingle with their kid.
Oh, we'll see what happens.
Rodney, you came back, brother, you have your hand up.
What do you got?
Yeah, just real quick.
We're probably wrapping up here.
So I joined this program and I know they say,
not to date during the hard work thing.
So I had asked this gal out maybe three, four weeks ago,
and we kind of went back and forth, never set a date.
And then she kind of ghosted me.
And then I started this program.
And like literally the next day she gets back to me
and is like, hey, wanna get together this week?
And I thought about it and I said, well, no,
I can't do that.
I'm doing this hard work.
So I got to tell her no.
So I did, I told her like, hey, I'm swamped this month.
I can't meet with you, but I can meet with you in May.
And she comes back to me and says,
oh, well, I'm actually moving out of the area
at the end of the month.
And so I definitely wanna see her before she leaves.
So we are gonna be meeting later this week.
I've known this gal, gosh, a couple of years.
She's quite-
You already know her.
Yeah, yeah.
We've never got together for coffee or anything,
but I've known her from church for a couple of years now.
She's quite a bit younger than me.
That's why I never really asked her out before.
But yeah, it's just an opportunity
to just kind of get to know her.
Maybe nothing will come of it, because she's moving.
Well, she's not moving that far away, maybe like two hours.
But anyways, yeah, it'll, anyways,
maybe you guys can keep me in prayer for that.
Just be some good practice.
Absolutely, no, I really appreciate sharing that.
No, it is, you know, yeah,
we recommend taking the dating spaticle,
because it is important to put full attention,
you know, for a period of time on your heart work,
especially if you're going through it for the first time.
So we do that.
I mean, it's not a hard and fast rule,
but at the same time,
this situation kind of seems like understanding.
Yeah, just, you know, have fun.
Keep, you know, as you're going out
and getting to know each other, make that transition.
I would definitely keep your promise to yourself
and do your heart work as best you can.
And then who knows, maybe that is something
that you kind of like, hey, we went on a date
and then a month later, we're gonna talk some more,
but you never know.
You don't know that until you know.
So it is still a yes until it's a no in the name.
And at the same time, you can still do your heart work.
So it sounds like you're kind of navigating it good.
And I just wanted to say,
I appreciate what I heard today
about just the importance of bringing the levity in there
if it starts getting, you know, too serious.
Absolutely.
Bringing that.
So that was a good thing for me to hear today.
Good takeaway.
Yeah, again, guys, you're the masculine.
You get the opportunity to play the role
of regulating in the relationship.
And, you know, the feminine appreciates it, you know?
They appreciate it, like, they especially appreciate it
if you get to the point in the relationship
or the situation where things have a chance
to get hot and heavy.
Women really appreciate it when you're the regulator
and you can be like, you know what?
Let's keep this the way it, you know,
let's keep this the way it should be type thing.
Women really appreciate that
because they're looking to you to be a regulator,
but it doesn't have to get sexual
in order for you to regulate.
You can just regulate it kind of like,
hey, let's have some fun.
Let's enjoy ourselves.
Let's get to know each other.
Let's, you know, there's no need for heaviness.
And I don't even have to,
you don't even have to regulate it
to the point where you say, let's not do that.
You just regulate it by your actions.
Your actions speak louder than your words.
So your behavior of just kind of laughing it off
or just in, you know, following up with like a redirect
and like, hey, let's, hey, did you ever, you know,
just change the conversation?
You know, there's lots of different ways to do that,
but at the same time doing that and having that levity,
you get the opportunity, guys,
to be the regulator in the relationship.
And you can be at the initiator and the leader in that.
And that's a good thing.
So good discussion tonight.
Good talk, guys.
I really appreciate all of you guys, man.
You really shared a lot tonight.
And thanks, Rodney, for being here your first time.
And thanks for all the shares and all the insight.
Wish you well in all your endeavors.
I see a lot of growth, a lot of productivity here tonight,
and I appreciate you kind of being here.
So good to see you guys.
God bless you all.
Have a great, great week, and we'll see you next time.
Thanks, David.
All right. Good one.
Thank you, David.
Thanks, guys.