WEBVTT

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Great. Welcome, ladies. It is April 14th. All right. This is your Tuesday live check-in

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phase two Love Story Accelerator. I'm Carla Johnson. I'm one of your coaches here at Love

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Story. Your last year single. We don't have very many ladies on with us this afternoon.

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Everybody must be, you know, go out and join the weather. It's a little dreary today in

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Texas, but it's not as cold as it used to be. So weather is definitely getting better.

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But we'll see who else jumps on. And I don't think I have anybody brand new that's on the

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call or at the moment, but maybe in replay. We just definitely want to welcome you here.

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Go ahead and go through a few housekeeping items. Again, just continue to stay engaged

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and encouraging in the app. Post your questions there. It's always really good. I was just

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speaking with the ladies that are on right now. My goal is to really be able to pull

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a lot of our teaching content from the questions that y'all ask in the app. It's super beneficial.

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I know when I was in the program, I joined in 2020. I was a single as well. And, you

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know, it was just really, really helpful to know that, like I had other sisters that

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were in this community, like going through the same process that I was. There were moments

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that I was dating and then there was moments that I wasn't dating, but it was always still

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really, really beneficial. And even in those moments that I wasn't dating, there were still

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things that the Laura's highlighting for me that were revealing and healing areas that

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were able to help me prepare for a season of marriage. So even if you're not dating

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currently, I don't want you to think that you're not able to participate, that you can't

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come to these lives, that you can't be in the app asking your questions. A lot of times,

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you know, we're here to do life with you, actually. You know, it's not just about dating.

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And so, you know, a lot of the times when I was in the program specifically, you know,

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I would just be going through just, you know, what singleness brought, you know, as a single

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mom and, you know, a Christian and, you know, in my late thirties and just all of the things

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that kind of were involved in that. And it was just nice to be able to sit and process

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with a group of women that just understood where I was at. And so, and we're also on

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a similar journey. So even if you are not dating, I want to encourage you to still jump

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in and then encourage each other in the app. The one thing that I am going to, you know,

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just kind of button up here a little bit, because I am seeing a little bit of it happening

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in our app is let's really, really work on not giving a lot of advice. And I know that's

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really hard. I know that was really hard for me when I was in the community, because it's

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just kind of like my gifting and my nature. And so what that means is, you know, it's

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really easy for us to kind of read someone's situation. And especially if you have a pretty

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heavy discerning gift, or you can kind of read through the lines or see certain things.

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And if you're just prophetically gifted, you might sense some things in the spirit and

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you'll want to share that. And so I am going to ask that you ladies, um, um, Eloise, I'm

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not sure as your, um, can everybody else hear me? Okay. Everybody else can hear me. Eloise,

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maybe try your, um, volume. I know my volume when I first got in. Um, okay. You'll even

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come back. Sounds good. I'm going to take a sip here of my tea. So my goal is not to

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lose my voice when I typically get this kind of sickness, I will end up losing my voice.

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So my goal is to make it through this session. And then I have a whole, whole week. Um, anyway,

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back to what I was saying about the housekeeping stuff. So yeah. Um, it's really easy for us

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to like read someone's situation and want to be able to share insight or kind of give

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our, our opinion about something. Um, and, but what happens is we can often read something

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through our own lens. And so if we have a blind spot or we have a wound that the Lord

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just hasn't revealed to us quite yet, we can sometimes share that with one of, um,

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our ladies here in the community.

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And so to kind of just allow you ladies

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to kind of sit in that divine feminine,

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which is that receiving posture,

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you know, I really want you ladies

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to just give yourself permission

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to not have to give advice here.

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That you can just encourage, you can relate,

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you can, you know, definitely say,

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yeah, I completely understand where you feel that way.

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You feel that way, I've had similar experiences.

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Now, if something does get highlighted to you,

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I would encourage you to even post your own post,

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I guess you would, like make your own post

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about something that you recognize,

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hey, you know, I recognize when reading someone's post today

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this is something that came up to me, you know,

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can a coach help me sort through this?

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Or this is how I'm looking at this.

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Does anybody have any insight

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of maybe what God could be highlighting to me right now?

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That is just one way for us to kind of remove ourselves

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from that position.

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And then again, it just opens us up to receiving.

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So continue to work on that.

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Again, if you're new, make sure that you are watching

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one of those content videos a week.

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You are allowed to move over to phase three

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once you've completed those five videos

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and been here at least a minimum of five weeks.

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I definitely encourage ladies

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to stay here a little bit longer.

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You know, obviously, you know,

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a year or two might be a little long,

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but, you know, we don't want you rushing through

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in a five-week period.

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A lot of your healing is gonna come in that phase one,

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which you are familiar with,

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and in this phase two where you're starting to date

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and you're starting to get yourself, you know,

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getting to use those tools, those heartwork tools

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as you date differently.

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And so that will be something new and different as well.

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So make sure you're watching those videos.

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Make sure that you're participating, posting in the app,

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and as well as coming to these lives, okay?

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We know that not everybody can come,

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so that's why we have them in replay.

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We have two of them a day,

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one o'clock Eastern and eight o'clock Eastern.

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Cool?

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All right.

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All right, I'm gonna take a drink, refresh my voice here.

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I see Dana does have a question.

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I am, Dana, I'm gonna hold your question

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because I am gonna cover Karen's question

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that she had in the app.

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Excuse me.

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And then I have two examples today

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from posts that were in the app.

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So one was Karen's and another one was from somebody else.

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And so I'm gonna teach from that today.

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And so it really is just gonna be about

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like those early dating stages

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and what discernment versus like an emotional

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and spiritual overinvestment might look like, okay?

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And just being able to really zone in

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and like pay attention to that

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and recognize what's happening

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and being able to kind of reflect and look inward

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of what's happening within us

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when we get ourselves in those situations,

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especially those early levels of level one

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where we haven't even met the person yet.

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And even those early stages of level two

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where you might've only had like a video date

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or one in-person date.

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And so that will be really, really helpful,

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especially when we are at a stage in our life

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where we're like, we know we wanna be married.

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Like we know we're like,

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I'm not trying to waste any time here.

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I know what I want.

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I know who I am, you know?

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Like I've gone through this heartwork stuff

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and I wanna show up as my best self.

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And so what can happen is that we can sometimes

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have the good intention, but we get overextended.

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And so we want to be able to pace you ladies accordingly

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and be able to use these opportunities

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of getting to know people as a way to reflect

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and allow the Holy Spirit to invite you

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into whatever opportunity and invitation

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he wants to allow you to explore, okay?

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So, all right.

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So definitely seeing some things come up

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in the season for some of you ladies.

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And so what I want,

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what we're first, okay.

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So Karen, I'm gonna go over yours first.

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So what happened with Karen was,

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and if you guys wanna go into,

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and then she can kind of, you know,

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fill in any of the gaps that I might miss here.

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Um, she has been talking to a gentleman from an app, I think you do plenty of fish.

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Yeah, plenty of fish. And so I think you started chatting with him like less than a week ago,

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like last Wednesday. So we're in less than a week time period. Okay. And so it's very,

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very short. Okay. She hasn't had a video date yet. Hasn't met in person, but they're doing

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exchanges. Okay. She's given, um, a secondary number, which is what we advise you ladies to

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have like a Google voice number. So you're not giving out your personal information.

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Um, it's always wise to do that. Um, and you know, the guy's a little,

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little, little triggered. He's, he's a little like, you know,

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you know, standoffish a little bit. I don't, I don't, yeah. Like Karen, I, it's interesting.

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It's definitely interesting. And for you ladies that have been here for a minute with Karen,

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y'all know her heart. Like she is so intentional and so like considerate and compassionate for

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other people and their feelings. And she is always, um, so like invested in showing up in

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the best way possible. Like, like every time I think of Karen, I'm like, she really does

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take to heart. Like, what does it look like to model Jesus? Like it is her heart. Like for those

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ladies that have been here, you, you all of her Karen, you just, you see that in her heart.

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And so one thing that I love is that that's exactly how she shows up when she's dating.

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And so she's always putting her best foot forward. You know, you can definitely tell

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she's done her heartwork. She's, she's gotten a lot of healing. Like God has taken her through

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some seasons and has really refined her and grown her into such a close, intimate relationship with

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him. And it shows, it shows in how she interacts with people. And so this gentleman, you know,

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is a little bit like, you know, why are you giving me a second? You know,

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why are you giving me the second number? And, and he was, he was calling you. Now you asked

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for a video date and he didn't honor that, but he did send you like called you like three times

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and you weren't available. And you had told him that like, this is the time I'm available. I can

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do a video call. He didn't honor that. Instead he calls her three times and she just shouldn't

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have her phone on or was on silent or, you know, she's busy. You know, not everybody has their

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phone attached to them. Okay. And so, and I get it like some people like this gentleman

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may not have experience with that and that's okay. Now he's calling her, but then he approaches her

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with this, um, well, I saw you were active on the app, but you didn't answer your phone.

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I mean, he's getting really intense emotionally. You definitely see him triggered.

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And he's definitely like, he's intense and just, yeah, I definitely think we caring. Would you

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agree? Okay. You did add more. Okay. So yeah. So the reason that this is important because

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ladies, when you start recognizing, this is how people are showing up within the first

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week or when you've only gotten to know someone for just a couple of weeks, like

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you're in those level one, level two, like hardly getting to know someone,

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especially if you've done your heartwork and you've you're showing up and your best,

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healthiest self, it be really easy to overinvest really quickly.

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You can, you can invest yourself quickly. You can misread someone else's intensity

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as connection. Like they're getting intense and you're like, Oh, well this you want,

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because you have a heart to want to connect with someone. Their intensity is intensity is going to

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draw you into connecting with them. And then you're going to try to build something with someone

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who hasn't even shown you consistency yet. Remember like we're at six days. There still

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hasn't been enough time that's passed to show any level of consistency. And so

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So he had some suspicions early on.

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He had multiple calls, was pressuring a response from her.

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He was monitoring her behavior, which

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I think I shared that already.

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Hey, you're active on the app, but you're not

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available to take my call.

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And then there was confusions around what the plans were.

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I mean, she was really clear.

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Y'all know Karen.

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She's really clear.

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She's a clear communicator, y'all.

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You can't misunderstand her communication.

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I mean, 90% of the time, you are very precise about, hey,

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this is when I'm available.

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Can you do this?

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You allow those options.

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You do that very, very well.

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And so there was confusion around his follow-through

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and what those plans were.

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And so later on, again, she's invested,

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and she's communicating.

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She's being consistent.

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She's showing up with consistency.

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Then he's now using language like, oh, I've

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just prayed for someone like you,

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and oh, I think God's answered me.

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Oh, ladies.

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Ladies, OK?

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We got to slow that down, OK?

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I'm not saying that this man may not have,

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like he may have a great relationship with the Lord.

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But now we're building a spiritual intimacy

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very quickly.

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And again, for someone who wants connection

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and who someone intentionally has a relationship

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with the Lord, that's going to want to draw you in.

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And so we got to slow that down.

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And so this, ladies, that's not discernment.

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This is not discernment at all.

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It's premature emotional and spiritual attachment.

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You're emotionally attaching, and you're spiritually

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attaching at this point, OK?

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Six days, haven't met in person, only

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had some phone calls and some texting.

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Excuse me, just a minute.

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Sorry, ladies.

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Forgive me.

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So this is kind of what I challenged

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Karen with a little bit.

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I lovingly challenged her.

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And Karen and I, I've been coaching her for some time.

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We have that relationship.

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And I'm going to do that with all of you ladies.

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And Karen, again, she's just got this wonderful heart.

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She takes my coaching very well.

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And I know sometimes some people don't always want to.

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00:17:48.520 --> 00:17:50.920
I know when Jackie was coaching me,

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00:17:50.920 --> 00:17:54.320
y'all, I would get super offended and super triggered

252
00:17:54.320 --> 00:17:56.080
very, very easily.

253
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So I appreciate that Karen is always very open-minded

254
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and very willing to just receive.

255
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So thank you, Karen.

256
00:18:05.840 --> 00:18:09.200
But I gently just was like, hey, let's

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challenge this a little bit.

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You're responsible.

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You're responding in a beautiful way.

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You're calm.

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You're kind.

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You're faith-filled.

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These are all great, healthy, intentional behavior.

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Communication, it's great.

265
00:18:27.800 --> 00:18:32.760
However, underneath this, I'm seeing some overexplaining

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happening, like trying to create some unity.

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She's managing his emotions.

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He's getting intense.

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And she's trying to like, OK, she's really in tune.

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I mean, my guess is she's very empathic.

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She can feel.

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She senses very easily when someone's not feeling great

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or she can just, I mean, even if they don't, they might deny it.

274
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She's like, she feels it, OK?

275
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I feel things too, so I get it.

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People can deny it, but you're like, no, I

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know what it feels like.

278
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And so she's so in tune with that.

279
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So she's going to sit there and try to manage that and bring

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a peace and a calming.

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One, because for those of you that are feelers,

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you're going to feel that intensity.

283
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And it's going to be natural for you to want to take that on.

284
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And it's only natural if you haven't worked the gift

285
00:19:36.960 --> 00:19:43.720
very well to want to kind of calm it so it calms you.

286
00:19:43.720 --> 00:19:45.680
When you're having to really discern,

287
00:19:45.680 --> 00:19:49.200
that's someone else's intensity and not yours

288
00:19:49.200 --> 00:19:51.200
and not pick it up.

289
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And so we can fall in.

290
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Y'all, I fall into that trap.

291
00:19:55.880 --> 00:19:58.080
I can feel, I mean, even in my own home,

292
00:19:58.080 --> 00:20:01.440
I can feel the intensity of other people.

293
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.080
people in my own home, and I just want to like, calm the

294
00:20:05.080 --> 00:20:09.480
situation. And then it, it heightens my intensity level.

295
00:20:10.640 --> 00:20:15.680
And then it's just, it's, it's not good for anybody. And so I'm

296
00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:18.640
sitting here trying to calm and whatever, and it's not really

297
00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:22.120
it. I'm managing someone else's emotions, and it's not my

298
00:20:22.120 --> 00:20:26.480
responsibility. And so especially when you are getting

299
00:20:26.840 --> 00:20:30.280
into a conversation, or you're getting to know someone in like,

300
00:20:30.280 --> 00:20:32.960
you know, just a week or two weeks, or even like, three to

301
00:20:32.960 --> 00:20:37.480
four weeks, you don't really know that person yet. So you're,

302
00:20:37.600 --> 00:20:42.200
you're pulling in this responsibility of someone else's

303
00:20:42.200 --> 00:20:48.240
emotions, naturally. And so I'm challenging Karen to kind of

304
00:20:48.240 --> 00:20:52.120
recognize that, like, hey, let's, let's stop for a minute.

305
00:20:52.120 --> 00:20:57.120
Let's, let's really decipher, is this discerning? Or is this

306
00:20:57.120 --> 00:21:01.240
something else? And she's kind of wanting it to move this into

307
00:21:01.240 --> 00:21:04.560
this relationship mode, because again, she's got this heart to

308
00:21:04.560 --> 00:21:10.440
connect. Y'all, Jesus wants to connect with people. That's,

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00:21:10.480 --> 00:21:15.920
that's the heart of our Father, our Savior. He wants connection.

310
00:21:16.480 --> 00:21:21.080
And so when we have that, it's natural to want to build that

311
00:21:21.080 --> 00:21:26.360
relationship. And so if that's you, you have to be mindful of

312
00:21:26.360 --> 00:21:30.200
how that shows up, especially in these early stages. And so you

313
00:21:30.200 --> 00:21:35.680
want to catch that. And so I really want you all to

314
00:21:35.680 --> 00:21:41.760
understand, like, you're not called to build trust with

315
00:21:41.760 --> 00:21:46.480
someone who hasn't demonstrated that they're trustworthy yet.

316
00:21:47.200 --> 00:21:50.440
And that's not to be putting up this wall, okay, because I,

317
00:21:50.520 --> 00:21:53.360
again, we're not going to be putting up walls, it's a

318
00:21:53.360 --> 00:21:57.520
balance here. There's going to be some risk, like you are going

319
00:21:57.520 --> 00:22:01.000
to have to take down some walls, and allow someone to show you

320
00:22:01.000 --> 00:22:05.080
that they're trustworthy. There's risks involved there.

321
00:22:07.400 --> 00:22:12.800
But it's not your job to build that trust. They have to show

322
00:22:13.000 --> 00:22:15.840
they have to show some consistency that they can be

323
00:22:15.840 --> 00:22:24.120
trustworthy. It's reciprocal. Okay? So it's not your job to

324
00:22:24.160 --> 00:22:28.160
repair any misunderstandings. It's not your job to spiritually

325
00:22:28.160 --> 00:22:36.800
align the connection. And it's not your job to cover the whole

326
00:22:36.800 --> 00:22:41.400
relationship in prayer together. You can go pray yourself

327
00:22:41.400 --> 00:22:46.320
separately. This is why we tell you ladies like to do not get

328
00:22:46.320 --> 00:22:48.600
involved in praying for each other when you don't know each

329
00:22:48.600 --> 00:22:54.480
other very well. You can pray for yourself and what happens in

330
00:22:54.480 --> 00:23:00.880
that interaction. privately. You start sharing that with someone

331
00:23:00.880 --> 00:23:04.320
that you've only had some interactions with with in a week

332
00:23:04.320 --> 00:23:08.320
or two. There's a spiritual intimacy that can be built

333
00:23:08.320 --> 00:23:15.440
there with someone that hasn't shown you any consistency or any

334
00:23:16.640 --> 00:23:25.960
fruit of whether or not they're a safe person. Okay? So your

335
00:23:25.960 --> 00:23:33.480
role, ladies is to observe, discern, and watch for that

336
00:23:33.480 --> 00:23:39.160
consistency, that clarity and the emotional stability over

337
00:23:39.400 --> 00:23:45.760
time. This is where us ladies, okay, and this is a little bit

338
00:23:45.760 --> 00:23:50.000
different, I think for us ladies than it is for men. Because

339
00:23:51.000 --> 00:23:55.200
especially ladies that are in their like 30s or 40s, that

340
00:23:55.200 --> 00:23:59.880
maybe want children, we have a biological clock. Or if you're

341
00:23:59.880 --> 00:24:02.720
even older, you're like, I've waited this long, I'm ready to

342
00:24:02.720 --> 00:24:07.120
go spend like the best part of my years with somebody, like you

343
00:24:07.120 --> 00:24:12.000
want to get it going. So we get into this like, Oh my gosh, I

344
00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:16.960
got to do this quickly, like the clock's ticking. And so we just

345
00:24:16.960 --> 00:24:22.840
want to kind of rush into that. And so we think we got to move

346
00:24:22.840 --> 00:24:27.960
into that so quickly. So we try to hurry it along, instead of

347
00:24:27.960 --> 00:24:35.160
really allowing there to be time for that observation period,

348
00:24:35.480 --> 00:24:41.840
for the fruit to actually be able to be seen. I mean, I just

349
00:24:41.840 --> 00:24:46.360
am getting this vision of even like, you know, you think of I

350
00:24:46.360 --> 00:24:49.440
used to live in Florida. And so I'm thinking of like orange

351
00:24:49.440 --> 00:24:55.080
trees, like all the orange groves. Like, when you drive

352
00:24:55.400 --> 00:24:58.520
past orange groves, like you don't see like, it's not like

353
00:24:58.560 --> 00:25:00.040
one day you drive

354
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.400
by the next day, bam, there's these big,

355
00:25:02.400 --> 00:25:04.140
beautiful oranges on the trees.

356
00:25:05.320 --> 00:25:06.780
It takes time.

357
00:25:08.200 --> 00:25:11.520
There's time that is involved

358
00:25:11.520 --> 00:25:14.180
in that fruit growing abundantly.

359
00:25:15.880 --> 00:25:19.600
So the same thing is gonna happen

360
00:25:19.600 --> 00:25:22.460
when you ladies are getting to know someone new.

361
00:25:23.720 --> 00:25:25.900
And so I know we're having this tendency

362
00:25:25.900 --> 00:25:30.300
to like wanna pull and like quickly get to this like,

363
00:25:30.300 --> 00:25:31.780
okay, I wanna get to know them.

364
00:25:31.780 --> 00:25:34.420
I wanna see like, where's this gonna go?

365
00:25:34.420 --> 00:25:37.800
I wanna connect with somebody, I want that.

366
00:25:37.800 --> 00:25:39.540
But if we rush that process,

367
00:25:39.540 --> 00:25:42.500
we're going to not see the flags.

368
00:25:43.560 --> 00:25:45.160
And we're gonna be building something

369
00:25:45.160 --> 00:25:50.160
that's not actually there.

370
00:25:53.260 --> 00:25:55.140
It's a facade.

371
00:25:55.140 --> 00:25:55.980
Okay?

372
00:25:57.020 --> 00:26:01.820
And so I really want you ladies to be able to be,

373
00:26:01.820 --> 00:26:06.740
allow there to be time to really watch and observe

374
00:26:06.740 --> 00:26:11.740
and discern and see the fruit if a man is healthy.

375
00:26:13.460 --> 00:26:15.740
And the way you do that, like, you know,

376
00:26:17.860 --> 00:26:20.220
we want the men to be able to lead,

377
00:26:20.220 --> 00:26:22.740
but we need to see how that looks.

378
00:26:23.580 --> 00:26:25.900
Does it mean that we don't reciprocate?

379
00:26:26.900 --> 00:26:28.980
Does it mean that we don't show interest?

380
00:26:30.060 --> 00:26:33.460
But we need to also see how are they gonna be showing up?

381
00:26:33.460 --> 00:26:37.060
Because ladies, healthy men

382
00:26:37.060 --> 00:26:39.120
are not gonna lead with confusion.

383
00:26:41.140 --> 00:26:43.440
They're not gonna have, add pressure.

384
00:26:45.920 --> 00:26:47.980
They're not gonna be monitoring your behavior.

385
00:26:47.980 --> 00:26:49.180
I'll tell you that much.

386
00:26:50.140 --> 00:26:51.620
They're gonna be solid.

387
00:26:53.740 --> 00:26:57.860
They're not gonna lead with a spiritual intensity

388
00:26:57.860 --> 00:27:00.080
without having a foundation first.

389
00:27:03.620 --> 00:27:07.180
And there's not gonna be,

390
00:27:07.180 --> 00:27:11.360
a healthy mature man is gonna have consistency,

391
00:27:11.360 --> 00:27:13.860
not inconsistency with his follow through.

392
00:27:17.140 --> 00:27:18.540
So when we put up these boundaries

393
00:27:18.540 --> 00:27:20.340
and these healthy boundaries of like,

394
00:27:20.380 --> 00:27:22.860
hey, this is when I'm available to do a video call.

395
00:27:22.860 --> 00:27:23.840
This is what's going on.

396
00:27:23.840 --> 00:27:24.680
This is this.

397
00:27:24.680 --> 00:27:25.700
And again, like,

398
00:27:27.980 --> 00:27:31.960
Karen is really, really good at communicating.

399
00:27:34.060 --> 00:27:36.180
She's intentional with that.

400
00:27:36.180 --> 00:27:39.920
And so I want what's being reflected back to her.

401
00:27:41.260 --> 00:27:44.540
I want her to attract someone

402
00:27:44.540 --> 00:27:46.760
who's going to match her healthiness.

403
00:27:47.240 --> 00:27:49.680
And so that's what we're here for,

404
00:27:49.680 --> 00:27:52.120
to kind of, let's shed some light on that.

405
00:27:53.400 --> 00:27:54.800
Healthy connection does not,

406
00:27:54.800 --> 00:27:56.440
it starts with a steadiness.

407
00:27:56.440 --> 00:27:58.280
It's not an urgency.

408
00:27:59.640 --> 00:28:00.480
Okay.

409
00:28:03.560 --> 00:28:06.240
So then I'm gonna give you another example, ladies.

410
00:28:06.240 --> 00:28:07.080
Okay.

411
00:28:07.080 --> 00:28:10.280
So another one of your sisters here in the community,

412
00:28:11.440 --> 00:28:14.240
she had a situation,

413
00:28:14.840 --> 00:28:16.920
not similar, but sort of,

414
00:28:16.920 --> 00:28:19.120
like there was some intensity.

415
00:28:19.120 --> 00:28:21.480
There was definitely some emotional,

416
00:28:21.480 --> 00:28:23.920
like he was moving very quickly

417
00:28:23.920 --> 00:28:26.480
into an emotional and spiritual intensity.

418
00:28:27.960 --> 00:28:29.400
He made statements like,

419
00:28:29.400 --> 00:28:31.680
Jesus has shown me that like,

420
00:28:31.680 --> 00:28:36.680
you know, you're exactly what I prayed for.

421
00:28:36.800 --> 00:28:38.600
Like something like along those lines,

422
00:28:38.600 --> 00:28:42.320
like, oh, like, and that's early.

423
00:28:42.560 --> 00:28:46.200
Like this comes early, oh, you know,

424
00:28:46.200 --> 00:28:48.200
God just, God just, you know,

425
00:28:48.200 --> 00:28:51.160
answered my prayer so like immediately,

426
00:28:51.160 --> 00:28:53.240
oh, I can just tell you're, you know,

427
00:28:53.240 --> 00:28:54.960
God brought you in my life.

428
00:28:56.040 --> 00:28:57.680
Like early on ladies.

429
00:28:57.680 --> 00:28:58.520
And it was interesting,

430
00:28:58.520 --> 00:28:59.360
cause like sometimes,

431
00:28:59.360 --> 00:29:01.080
and I was actually just listening to a sermon

432
00:29:01.080 --> 00:29:02.400
not too long ago.

433
00:29:02.400 --> 00:29:04.480
I feel like it was just the other day.

434
00:29:04.480 --> 00:29:08.680
And it's like, and it was funny

435
00:29:08.680 --> 00:29:10.120
cause this past week,

436
00:29:10.600 --> 00:29:12.640
and it was funny cause this pastor

437
00:29:12.640 --> 00:29:14.880
was talking to the singles in the,

438
00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:17.080
and he was talking to single women.

439
00:29:17.080 --> 00:29:19.600
It was like, you'll get men that will be like,

440
00:29:19.600 --> 00:29:22.680
oh, you know, God just showed me that you're my wife.

441
00:29:22.680 --> 00:29:24.120
And it's so early on.

442
00:29:24.120 --> 00:29:27.240
And he was encouraging women to be like,

443
00:29:27.240 --> 00:29:30.400
well, that's interesting because God didn't call me

444
00:29:30.400 --> 00:29:31.960
and share that message with me.

445
00:29:32.920 --> 00:29:37.920
Like God is going to speak to you and that person, okay?

446
00:29:38.920 --> 00:29:42.440
So if they're coming off and saying that, ladies,

447
00:29:42.440 --> 00:29:43.960
if God has not spoken to you

448
00:29:43.960 --> 00:29:47.160
and you haven't gotten like confirmation,

449
00:29:47.160 --> 00:29:49.800
I'm not talking about supernatural confirmation.

450
00:29:49.800 --> 00:29:52.400
Not like, oh, God told me this name was going to be Michael.

451
00:29:52.400 --> 00:29:54.320
And then all of a sudden Michael shows up.

452
00:29:54.320 --> 00:29:56.400
Like, I'm not talking about that kind of confirmation,

453
00:29:56.400 --> 00:29:57.760
but there is like the peace

454
00:29:57.760 --> 00:29:59.840
that surpasses all understanding.

455
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.540
things that you can't literally control yourself,

456
00:30:03.540 --> 00:30:06.680
that literally is just God.

457
00:30:07.540 --> 00:30:11.420
And so, you know, you're hearing all this

458
00:30:11.420 --> 00:30:14.500
like high emotional language from this guy.

459
00:30:14.500 --> 00:30:19.500
And so, what did your sister here in the community do?

460
00:30:21.060 --> 00:30:23.160
Okay, and she handled this really well.

461
00:30:23.160 --> 00:30:25.340
I was really impressed.

462
00:30:25.340 --> 00:30:28.000
And I was really thankful that she came.

463
00:30:28.880 --> 00:30:30.920
And it doesn't mean that she didn't have things

464
00:30:30.920 --> 00:30:33.980
that were happening maybe in her head,

465
00:30:33.980 --> 00:30:36.480
but she was able to come into our community

466
00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:40.240
and process and pull out her wins,

467
00:30:40.240 --> 00:30:42.280
but still show up very grounded.

468
00:30:43.320 --> 00:30:45.720
She didn't match his emotional intensity.

469
00:30:47.500 --> 00:30:49.200
She didn't overexplain.

470
00:30:50.400 --> 00:30:53.140
And she didn't over invest or try to manage it.

471
00:30:54.140 --> 00:30:58.420
This gentleman, I'm gonna pull it up

472
00:30:58.420 --> 00:31:01.100
because I wanna make sure that I get the details correct.

473
00:31:01.100 --> 00:31:04.100
So, give me just a moment

474
00:31:04.100 --> 00:31:06.400
because I want to make sure that I get this.

475
00:31:07.500 --> 00:31:09.180
Let's see here.

476
00:31:13.260 --> 00:31:14.400
Let's see.

477
00:31:16.420 --> 00:31:17.460
Where did it go?

478
00:31:19.060 --> 00:31:20.640
I had just had it too.

479
00:31:24.140 --> 00:31:28.500
I know that they hadn't even met yet.

480
00:31:29.380 --> 00:31:34.380
And they hadn't met.

481
00:31:35.620 --> 00:31:40.620
I think he's been divorced twice.

482
00:31:40.720 --> 00:31:44.460
She was not really sure what,

483
00:31:45.500 --> 00:31:49.180
and of course the website crashes, of course.

484
00:31:54.140 --> 00:31:56.980
Let me see if I have it in my notes here.

485
00:32:01.300 --> 00:32:03.260
He got very emotionally intense.

486
00:32:03.260 --> 00:32:06.540
And then she ended up staying grounded and was like,

487
00:32:06.540 --> 00:32:08.640
hey, let's just like talk on the phone

488
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:10.340
and take this step by step.

489
00:32:11.740 --> 00:32:15.080
She really like didn't respond.

490
00:32:15.080 --> 00:32:17.100
And like, you could tell he kind of got triggered

491
00:32:17.100 --> 00:32:18.860
a little bit.

492
00:32:18.860 --> 00:32:21.580
And she just regulated the pacing.

493
00:32:22.580 --> 00:32:25.500
Like he kind of got a little, you know,

494
00:32:26.660 --> 00:32:30.980
and when she said that, like, hey, like,

495
00:32:30.980 --> 00:32:33.200
let's just go and have a conversation.

496
00:32:35.420 --> 00:32:37.020
He started pulling back.

497
00:32:39.340 --> 00:32:41.740
And then he was like, oh, I didn't feel like, you know,

498
00:32:41.740 --> 00:32:45.020
he felt like she wasn't showing enough interest.

499
00:32:45.860 --> 00:32:50.860
She wasn't responding the emotional way that he was hoping.

500
00:32:51.020 --> 00:32:54.100
He wasn't, she wasn't matching his emotional intensity.

501
00:32:55.940 --> 00:32:57.440
She was staying grounded.

502
00:32:59.020 --> 00:33:01.300
And it triggered some old wounds in him

503
00:33:02.620 --> 00:33:07.340
around giving too much and not receiving enough back.

504
00:33:07.340 --> 00:33:09.420
He even said that to her.

505
00:33:09.420 --> 00:33:11.420
Like he ended up sorting that out.

506
00:33:13.020 --> 00:33:15.780
Like, oh, this just reminds me of like,

507
00:33:15.780 --> 00:33:17.180
when I just give, give, give,

508
00:33:17.180 --> 00:33:18.780
and I don't get much in return.

509
00:33:19.780 --> 00:33:24.780
Like that's a, that's an unhealed thing in him.

510
00:33:24.780 --> 00:33:27.060
And that doesn't mean that we don't have compassion

511
00:33:27.060 --> 00:33:28.140
for that person,

512
00:33:30.060 --> 00:33:33.340
but we have to stay grounded that we don't pick that up.

513
00:33:35.540 --> 00:33:38.500
We don't buy into all of that.

514
00:33:38.500 --> 00:33:40.340
You can have compassion for someone,

515
00:33:40.340 --> 00:33:41.820
but not pick up the rope

516
00:33:44.220 --> 00:33:46.780
and just say, hey, let's go ahead

517
00:33:46.780 --> 00:33:48.580
and just have a phone call.

518
00:33:49.260 --> 00:33:53.620
Like, I think my, I've told you ladies this story

519
00:33:53.620 --> 00:33:57.780
before my husband was visiting,

520
00:33:57.780 --> 00:33:59.660
coming to meet me for the first time.

521
00:34:02.300 --> 00:34:04.060
I was in Florida and he was in Texas

522
00:34:04.060 --> 00:34:05.540
and we'd been chatting for like three weeks.

523
00:34:05.540 --> 00:34:07.100
And so he was coming in person.

524
00:34:08.300 --> 00:34:10.100
He was coming over a weekend and he was like,

525
00:34:10.100 --> 00:34:13.620
oh, am I going to get to, you know, see you more than once?

526
00:34:14.620 --> 00:34:19.580
Ladies, like, yeah, we had some great conversation.

527
00:34:19.580 --> 00:34:22.460
I didn't probably follow all the guardrails.

528
00:34:22.460 --> 00:34:24.179
Actually, I know I didn't follow all the guardrails.

529
00:34:24.179 --> 00:34:28.100
I mean, my husband definitely deep dove, you know,

530
00:34:28.100 --> 00:34:30.820
crossed some boundaries with like, you know,

531
00:34:30.820 --> 00:34:32.820
giving me too much information,

532
00:34:32.820 --> 00:34:34.980
but I was able to kind of like collectively like

533
00:34:34.980 --> 00:34:38.179
take it in, but like, oh, okay, that's nice.

534
00:34:38.179 --> 00:34:40.860
You know, I definitely was like holding it there,

535
00:34:40.860 --> 00:34:42.820
you know, obviously processing with Jackie

536
00:34:42.820 --> 00:34:45.060
and all the women in the community.

537
00:34:45.060 --> 00:34:47.739
And so when he said that, I'm like, well,

538
00:34:47.739 --> 00:34:50.500
how about we see how our first date goes first?

539
00:34:51.620 --> 00:34:53.860
And when I said that to him,

540
00:34:53.860 --> 00:34:55.580
he never said anything in response,

541
00:34:55.580 --> 00:34:56.820
but now obviously we're married.

542
00:34:56.820 --> 00:34:58.180
We talk about that situation.

543
00:34:58.180 --> 00:34:59.980
He's like, yeah, when you said that.

544
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.400
I thought to myself, Oh, she's right.

545
00:35:03.760 --> 00:35:04.800
What if she's crazy?

546
00:35:07.040 --> 00:35:11.680
Like it was like a, for him, he was just like, Oh, like that's probably smart.

547
00:35:12.200 --> 00:35:16.800
And so like, but that I was able to be like, I could have Matt, like he was

548
00:35:16.800 --> 00:35:22.480
excited, I mean, you know, and I'm, of course he was excited, like, I like to

549
00:35:22.480 --> 00:35:26.360
think I'm, you know, obviously he married me, like I was a good catch.

550
00:35:26.400 --> 00:35:26.800
Right.

551
00:35:27.800 --> 00:35:34.520
So, but I didn't have to like match that intensity right, right away.

552
00:35:35.640 --> 00:35:38.160
And so I was just like, well, let's just see how it goes.

553
00:35:38.200 --> 00:35:38.760
Okay.

554
00:35:38.800 --> 00:35:44.240
Like, I didn't have to like buy into it right away.

555
00:35:45.040 --> 00:35:46.640
I was able to pace it.

556
00:35:46.680 --> 00:35:48.440
I was able to stay grounded in that.

557
00:35:49.400 --> 00:35:55.840
And so, you know, she was just like, Hey, I'm just going to throw this out there.

558
00:35:55.840 --> 00:35:58.560
Let's, you know, let's have a conversation.

559
00:35:59.000 --> 00:36:05.360
And so she was able to recognize in her own grounding in her own spirit.

560
00:36:05.360 --> 00:36:11.120
Like what he was showing up in was an unresolved emotional pattern.

561
00:36:11.920 --> 00:36:17.800
And so ladies, what you'll recognize if you are grounded and you are healthy and

562
00:36:17.800 --> 00:36:23.040
you come across men that might have some areas where they have some unresolved

563
00:36:23.160 --> 00:36:26.760
emotional stuff, it doesn't mean it's a red flag.

564
00:36:27.720 --> 00:36:29.120
It's a yellow flag.

565
00:36:30.400 --> 00:36:30.680
Okay.

566
00:36:30.680 --> 00:36:31.960
But we all have stuff.

567
00:36:34.400 --> 00:36:40.400
It just means there you might recognize if you are a little bit more grounded,

568
00:36:41.640 --> 00:36:47.080
that that may feel unsafe to a man that's not healed in a certain area.

569
00:36:49.800 --> 00:36:51.320
And that's what that could show up as.

570
00:36:52.320 --> 00:36:54.400
And so those are things that you want to be mindful of.

571
00:36:55.080 --> 00:36:58.280
That's why coming in community, walking us through it.

572
00:36:58.320 --> 00:37:00.760
We'll, we'll, we'll talk you through that process.

573
00:37:01.160 --> 00:37:07.040
Again, we're looking for men that are mature, marriage minded and divinely

574
00:37:07.040 --> 00:37:13.280
masculine, they're open-minded, they're willingness, they're teachable.

575
00:37:13.480 --> 00:37:17.920
They have that relationship to have their hearts molded and shaped.

576
00:37:19.320 --> 00:37:19.920
Okay.

577
00:37:20.720 --> 00:37:28.960
They understand that they are a whole person in Christ, but ladies,

578
00:37:28.960 --> 00:37:30.560
we get complete in marriage.

579
00:37:31.520 --> 00:37:31.920
Okay.

580
00:37:31.960 --> 00:37:37.280
Our oneness is when husband and wife come together because then we're

581
00:37:37.280 --> 00:37:38.800
in that full image of God.

582
00:37:40.200 --> 00:37:49.120
And so we ourselves need the masculine ourselves to kind of, you know,

583
00:37:49.680 --> 00:37:55.200
soften up our edges, just like men need us women to soften up their edges.

584
00:37:56.320 --> 00:38:02.440
So these edges that you find are just yellow flags, but we want to make

585
00:38:02.440 --> 00:38:04.440
sure that we're discerning, are they yellow?

586
00:38:04.440 --> 00:38:05.240
Are they red?

587
00:38:05.600 --> 00:38:06.680
Are they yellow turning green?

588
00:38:06.680 --> 00:38:07.760
Are they yellow turning red?

589
00:38:09.200 --> 00:38:09.760
Okay.

590
00:38:11.320 --> 00:38:16.400
So again, if you are a grounded woman, you might recognize that.

591
00:38:16.480 --> 00:38:20.080
And if you're grounded, and then all of a sudden they bring this intensity,

592
00:38:20.080 --> 00:38:25.200
it probably just means like, it's, they don't feel safe with you because

593
00:38:25.200 --> 00:38:31.120
they're not used to someone who's grounded and it's not your job to go

594
00:38:31.120 --> 00:38:37.720
manage their emotions, you get to see how they show up, are they going to move

595
00:38:37.720 --> 00:38:39.200
in the direction of a green flag?

596
00:38:39.240 --> 00:38:43.040
Or are they going to still continue to show like they've got stuff in

597
00:38:43.040 --> 00:38:44.600
there, they're completely blind to it.

598
00:38:45.600 --> 00:38:56.720
So instead of like, and so she's not doing anything, anything wrong because

599
00:38:58.280 --> 00:39:00.560
he's unhealed and she is like, that's enough.

600
00:39:00.560 --> 00:39:07.240
There's nothing wrong there, but because she isn't, she's not overgiving.

601
00:39:07.720 --> 00:39:12.080
She's not getting overly emotional.

602
00:39:12.240 --> 00:39:14.120
She's not rushing any intimacy.

603
00:39:14.800 --> 00:39:17.560
She's not managing emotional uncertainty.

604
00:39:19.120 --> 00:39:24.520
Instead, she's literally meeting her groundedness with maturity and

605
00:39:24.520 --> 00:39:29.000
then he withdraws or destabilizes.

606
00:39:29.520 --> 00:39:33.680
So he's either going to withdraw and like destabilize, and that's going to

607
00:39:33.680 --> 00:39:38.040
kind of give her the understanding of where he's at, or it's going to be

608
00:39:38.040 --> 00:39:42.360
enough to kind of be like, oh, I'm, I'm okay.

609
00:39:42.680 --> 00:39:44.320
Like I've got some stuff.

610
00:39:44.760 --> 00:39:45.880
I was triggered here.

611
00:39:46.280 --> 00:39:50.600
And then he shows up and regulates, how do they show up?

612
00:39:51.480 --> 00:39:53.640
She doesn't now need to manage any of that.

613
00:39:54.520 --> 00:39:55.080
Okay.

614
00:39:56.600 --> 00:39:59.840
Sometimes what we're not going to see is like.

615
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.060
even when we feel this calm externally, like on the outside,

616
00:40:05.460 --> 00:40:08.100
we still might be overexplaining

617
00:40:08.100 --> 00:40:09.500
to create understanding,

618
00:40:11.260 --> 00:40:14.420
managing someone else's emotions and reactions,

619
00:40:14.420 --> 00:40:17.980
moving into a conflict resolution too early,

620
00:40:17.980 --> 00:40:20.660
and spiritualizing connection to create unity.

621
00:40:21.620 --> 00:40:25.540
And so, you know, let's gently name that.

622
00:40:25.540 --> 00:40:28.740
You're responding like you're a partner

623
00:40:28.740 --> 00:40:32.180
in a relationship that hasn't been built yet.

624
00:40:32.180 --> 00:40:33.020
Man.

625
00:40:35.140 --> 00:40:39.300
And so, that's the early stages of dating.

626
00:40:39.300 --> 00:40:42.260
So that's in those beginning, level one,

627
00:40:42.260 --> 00:40:45.300
and the first date or two or three.

628
00:40:46.340 --> 00:40:47.180
Okay?

629
00:40:49.020 --> 00:40:51.900
So again, dating's reciprocal,

630
00:40:53.140 --> 00:40:55.300
and it's reciprocal only applies

631
00:40:55.300 --> 00:41:00.140
after consistency is established, not before.

632
00:41:00.140 --> 00:41:01.780
If you recognize that you're the one

633
00:41:01.780 --> 00:41:05.220
showing up consistently, and they aren't,

634
00:41:07.140 --> 00:41:10.980
ladies, we've gotta recognize that.

635
00:41:10.980 --> 00:41:14.180
We gotta see what's being revealed there.

636
00:41:16.060 --> 00:41:16.900
Okay?

637
00:41:19.500 --> 00:41:21.980
So what does this recalibrating look like?

638
00:41:21.980 --> 00:41:22.820
Okay?

639
00:41:23.820 --> 00:41:26.060
So I'm gonna put this kind of in Jackie's way

640
00:41:26.060 --> 00:41:27.340
that she would probably explain it.

641
00:41:27.340 --> 00:41:30.620
So instead of smoothing things over,

642
00:41:30.620 --> 00:41:33.820
instead of creating emotional

643
00:41:33.820 --> 00:41:36.780
or spiritual alignment too early,

644
00:41:36.780 --> 00:41:39.500
okay, because that's what we kinda wanna do,

645
00:41:39.500 --> 00:41:42.180
we're just gonna shift to observing,

646
00:41:42.180 --> 00:41:44.220
we're gonna slow down,

647
00:41:44.220 --> 00:41:48.140
and we're gonna let his behavior reveal who he is.

648
00:41:49.940 --> 00:41:51.580
We don't have to force anything.

649
00:41:51.620 --> 00:41:53.340
We don't have to control anything.

650
00:41:54.460 --> 00:41:55.940
All right?

651
00:41:55.940 --> 00:41:57.900
This is something that, you know,

652
00:41:57.900 --> 00:42:02.020
for someone like myself who likes to have control,

653
00:42:02.020 --> 00:42:06.220
because I tend to pick up people's responsibilities,

654
00:42:06.220 --> 00:42:07.580
because I'm a feeler.

655
00:42:07.580 --> 00:42:10.620
I can just feel the energy being off.

656
00:42:11.740 --> 00:42:14.420
And so in order to kind of feel like I'm balanced,

657
00:42:14.420 --> 00:42:16.460
I just gotta go manage everybody else.

658
00:42:17.860 --> 00:42:20.060
Well, ladies, let me tell you,

659
00:42:20.060 --> 00:42:22.620
getting a marriage and have family,

660
00:42:22.620 --> 00:42:24.380
it doesn't work very well.

661
00:42:24.380 --> 00:42:28.300
It just makes you just go all crazy, all right?

662
00:42:28.300 --> 00:42:32.380
So definitely you don't wanna do that.

663
00:42:32.380 --> 00:42:34.540
Because again, trust isn't something

664
00:42:34.540 --> 00:42:36.180
that you build for someone.

665
00:42:37.060 --> 00:42:40.300
It's something that someone demonstrates to you over time.

666
00:42:41.820 --> 00:42:42.660
Okay?

667
00:42:45.660 --> 00:42:47.260
And then when we're sitting there doing that

668
00:42:47.260 --> 00:42:49.500
for other people, guess what we forget to do?

669
00:42:50.420 --> 00:42:55.420
We forget to focus on us and our relationship with God.

670
00:42:56.180 --> 00:43:00.580
And we can even sometimes forget how to trust God

671
00:43:00.580 --> 00:43:02.660
with our own stuff,

672
00:43:02.660 --> 00:43:04.860
because we're wrapped up in everything else.

673
00:43:06.340 --> 00:43:07.900
Okay?

674
00:43:07.900 --> 00:43:10.780
So I want this to lean clearly.

675
00:43:10.780 --> 00:43:12.580
Intensity is not connection.

676
00:43:14.220 --> 00:43:18.380
Spiritual language is not maturity.

677
00:43:21.060 --> 00:43:23.860
Ladies, my son's biological father

678
00:43:23.860 --> 00:43:25.700
had a lot of that spiritual language.

679
00:43:28.460 --> 00:43:29.940
Not a very mature man.

680
00:43:29.940 --> 00:43:31.980
The man left me seven months pregnant.

681
00:43:31.980 --> 00:43:36.140
That is not a very mature, masculine, marriage-minded man.

682
00:43:36.140 --> 00:43:37.340
All right?

683
00:43:37.340 --> 00:43:38.660
But he wooed me with the,

684
00:43:38.660 --> 00:43:40.940
oh, he's so in love with Jesus.

685
00:43:40.940 --> 00:43:44.420
And, you know, oh, he's a family man and not, you know.

686
00:43:44.420 --> 00:43:46.420
I wanted the connection.

687
00:43:46.420 --> 00:43:49.500
I have to own my side of the street in it.

688
00:43:51.020 --> 00:43:52.140
Okay?

689
00:43:52.140 --> 00:43:54.300
I've healed.

690
00:43:54.300 --> 00:43:56.180
I've let go.

691
00:43:56.180 --> 00:43:57.860
I've done the forgiveness.

692
00:43:57.860 --> 00:43:59.420
I've owned my part of the street.

693
00:43:59.420 --> 00:44:01.940
I've recognized where I needed to grow.

694
00:44:01.940 --> 00:44:03.140
Thank God for heart work.

695
00:44:03.140 --> 00:44:05.420
Thank God for Jackie and this community.

696
00:44:08.180 --> 00:44:13.180
And early consistency matters more than early chemistry.

697
00:44:14.980 --> 00:44:17.940
So you ladies that are like, I just didn't feel the spark.

698
00:44:18.940 --> 00:44:21.860
We're not always looking for the spark right away.

699
00:44:21.860 --> 00:44:23.660
We're looking for consistency first.

700
00:44:25.620 --> 00:44:27.740
Because ladies, let me tell you,

701
00:44:27.740 --> 00:44:32.740
marriage, lifelong marriage, is about consistency.

702
00:44:36.260 --> 00:44:37.900
Not always the spark.

703
00:44:39.540 --> 00:44:42.180
There are going to be days when you're sick

704
00:44:42.180 --> 00:44:45.140
and the spark ain't going to matter.

705
00:44:45.140 --> 00:44:46.980
It's just not.

706
00:44:47.660 --> 00:44:49.740
You just need the consistency.

707
00:44:50.700 --> 00:44:54.500
You just need the follow through, the show up,

708
00:44:54.500 --> 00:44:55.980
the just be consistent.

709
00:44:57.300 --> 00:44:59.780
That's what you want to see first.

710
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.020
before the chemistry. Okay, it doesn't mean that the chemistry is not going to be

711
00:45:04.020 --> 00:45:12.520
there, but are you focused more on the chemistry being there or the consistency?

712
00:45:12.680 --> 00:45:17.680
So instead of you know going into this thought process of oh do they like me

713
00:45:17.680 --> 00:45:22.720
and how do I keep this going and oh I want I want to continue like I want to

714
00:45:22.720 --> 00:45:25.680
give them a chance I want you know I want to give them the understanding I

715
00:45:25.680 --> 00:45:30.600
want to I want to do all these things like we're gonna remove those questions

716
00:45:30.600 --> 00:45:35.960
and I want you ladies to start asking yourselves these questions. Is this

717
00:45:35.960 --> 00:45:43.640
healthy? Do I feel grounded being myself?

718
00:45:45.000 --> 00:45:50.680
Is there emotional consistency over time?

719
00:45:51.680 --> 00:45:55.680
And ladies some of you will be able to feel grounded and have a peace and

720
00:45:55.680 --> 00:46:01.040
you'll still be like well I I can give this I can give this I'm good but ladies

721
00:46:01.040 --> 00:46:05.960
I really want you to be paying attention of what's being mirrored back to you

722
00:46:05.960 --> 00:46:10.960
because if you have that heart to give that

723
00:46:11.960 --> 00:46:21.960
it's a gift. Let let it be received by you as well. If you are willing to show

724
00:46:21.960 --> 00:46:31.240
up in that way, God's got someone that's going to match that as well. What you

725
00:46:31.240 --> 00:46:35.960
believe you become what you become you attract. So Karen like she's so

726
00:46:35.960 --> 00:46:42.080
intentional and she has this connection she she's going to attract someone

727
00:46:42.080 --> 00:46:46.960
that's going to be able to match that. We don't doubt that at all because one day

728
00:46:46.960 --> 00:46:53.560
she's gonna cut like she's she's gonna meet someone that has that same

729
00:46:53.560 --> 00:47:01.280
intentionality, compassion, consideration, love, care and and they're gonna

730
00:47:01.280 --> 00:47:05.520
recognize that in her and they're gonna appreciate it and they're gonna give it

731
00:47:05.520 --> 00:47:12.360
right back. What we don't want to happen is for it to get abused by someone that

732
00:47:12.360 --> 00:47:15.400
just wants to use it.

733
00:47:17.040 --> 00:47:27.360
Okay and so you're the second example that I gave you like one thing that

734
00:47:27.360 --> 00:47:31.480
your sister in this community shared she ended her statement when she was

735
00:47:31.480 --> 00:47:36.680
sharing with us she's like I just know I'm not seeking to be chosen because

736
00:47:36.680 --> 00:47:42.360
I'm already chosen and she rested in that and I was just like I mean I'm just

737
00:47:42.360 --> 00:47:45.560
reading it and she wasn't even all like on a call like I was reading it I'm like

738
00:47:45.560 --> 00:47:51.960
oh my gosh I felt that I totally felt that. You know you don't have to chase

739
00:47:51.960 --> 00:47:55.680
clarity, you don't have to manage confusion, you don't have to match

740
00:47:55.720 --> 00:48:02.400
emotional intensity. She was able to stay rooted, stay peaceful and in

741
00:48:02.400 --> 00:48:14.040
observation mode. Like she was able to respond from peace and not from this

742
00:48:14.040 --> 00:48:17.640
desire to create connection.

743
00:48:18.640 --> 00:48:24.760
To observe what actually is happening and not to emotionally invest too early.

744
00:48:31.760 --> 00:48:36.440
I love that Kelly that's some confirmation right there. So what you

745
00:48:36.440 --> 00:48:46.200
heard in a teaching this morning girl receive that. Receive that.

746
00:48:47.680 --> 00:48:55.640
Okay so I hope this helps you ladies as you are stepping into those early dating

747
00:48:55.640 --> 00:49:01.280
stages. Okay because I'm starting to see I mean you all are having these

748
00:49:01.280 --> 00:49:05.640
experiences with like getting to know and especially if you're online you're

749
00:49:05.640 --> 00:49:09.640
gonna get you're gonna you're gonna have to probably go through some of them and

750
00:49:09.640 --> 00:49:14.160
ladies let me tell you you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna meet some

751
00:49:14.160 --> 00:49:25.320
unhealthy men. You will. You totally will and because guess what we all still

752
00:49:25.320 --> 00:49:29.920
have healing to do. So guess what the man that the man that you're gonna marry is

753
00:49:29.920 --> 00:49:36.840
gonna have some unhealed areas. Because guess what we still have unhealed areas.

754
00:49:37.480 --> 00:49:44.720
All right. Can I ask one quick question related to that? Go for it. The question

755
00:49:44.720 --> 00:49:48.240
is like it started happening Saturday afternoon where these you know yellow

756
00:49:48.240 --> 00:49:53.520
flags came up when I and I discovered it Saturday evening. It's like oh gosh he

757
00:49:53.520 --> 00:50:02.160
called did it or whatever. So what can I do to slow it down? I'm you know I'm

758
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.240
I'm writing lots of notes because I want, this will help me in the future.

759
00:50:05.440 --> 00:50:08.000
Well, so what was your first response on Saturday then?

760
00:50:08.040 --> 00:50:09.960
Like, what was it?

761
00:50:09.960 --> 00:50:10.600
I'm sorry.

762
00:50:10.960 --> 00:50:12.160
Um, Saturday.

763
00:50:12.600 --> 00:50:13.960
Oh, just explain.

764
00:50:14.000 --> 00:50:14.800
I explained.

765
00:50:14.840 --> 00:50:19.920
And I, I, I said a couple of things like, um, I had my phone turned off.

766
00:50:20.320 --> 00:50:20.600
Okay.

767
00:50:20.600 --> 00:50:22.680
You know, so I, I let him know, sorry.

768
00:50:22.680 --> 00:50:23.480
I had my phone turned off.

769
00:50:23.480 --> 00:50:25.960
Can we read like, yeah, yeah.

770
00:50:26.280 --> 00:50:28.920
And so I, I, what was his response?

771
00:50:29.720 --> 00:50:31.000
I don't have it yet.

772
00:50:31.040 --> 00:50:31.680
Let me see.

773
00:50:32.680 --> 00:50:33.760
I got it right here.

774
00:50:33.800 --> 00:50:38.760
Um, um, I think it was the next morning or something like that.

775
00:50:38.760 --> 00:50:43.640
Did it, did it, um, um, real quick here.

776
00:50:43.720 --> 00:50:53.080
Um, so like, sorry, I didn't have that up here yet.

777
00:50:53.680 --> 00:50:54.840
Um, oh yeah.

778
00:50:54.840 --> 00:50:56.280
I said something, you know, okay.

779
00:50:56.280 --> 00:50:57.800
I explained just some basics.

780
00:50:57.800 --> 00:51:01.040
So he'd know, you know, um, and I'm getting ready to sleep.

781
00:51:01.040 --> 00:51:03.360
So I look forward to connecting soon, whatever.

782
00:51:03.680 --> 00:51:06.480
And so the next morning he responded with, I'm surprised.

783
00:51:06.480 --> 00:51:10.400
I asked some questions on my previous texts, but you didn't answer any of it.

784
00:51:11.480 --> 00:51:16.280
So I have to also give you a head up anytime I'm calling, you know, so it's

785
00:51:16.280 --> 00:51:19.000
like, anyway, it wasn't very helpful.

786
00:51:19.000 --> 00:51:21.680
And actually I asked him what question, cause I looked back and I didn't

787
00:51:21.680 --> 00:51:23.640
see it and he never responded to that.

788
00:51:24.040 --> 00:51:25.560
That's another yellow flag for me.

789
00:51:25.560 --> 00:51:28.200
If I ask, if I say, what question didn't I answer?

790
00:51:28.240 --> 00:51:29.640
And he never responds to that.

791
00:51:30.280 --> 00:51:31.880
And you're clearly communicating.

792
00:51:31.880 --> 00:51:32.160
Hey.

793
00:51:32.160 --> 00:51:36.000
And again, your heart is, it was, it's, it was honest.

794
00:51:38.040 --> 00:51:43.160
You didn't, your heart wasn't to miss a question, right?

795
00:51:43.280 --> 00:51:43.920
Exactly.

796
00:51:44.000 --> 00:51:48.560
And so you clarified it and he didn't respond and didn't reciprocate that.

797
00:51:49.040 --> 00:51:49.320
Yeah.

798
00:51:49.320 --> 00:51:53.360
That right there shows you a lot of what you need to know that right

799
00:51:53.360 --> 00:51:55.120
there showing you no consistency.

800
00:51:55.640 --> 00:51:55.920
Okay.

801
00:51:55.920 --> 00:52:02.440
So I was saying that you can just, you get, again, you don't have

802
00:52:02.440 --> 00:52:05.000
a relationship with this person, right?

803
00:52:05.200 --> 00:52:06.480
Right there.

804
00:52:06.520 --> 00:52:11.400
I mean, at this point they could be someone from a different country

805
00:52:11.400 --> 00:52:15.360
and be like someone that's not even who they say they are.

806
00:52:15.560 --> 00:52:17.880
I mean, we really, I mean, honestly, we really don't know.

807
00:52:19.120 --> 00:52:20.360
So that's what I'm saying.

808
00:52:20.600 --> 00:52:28.160
There's, I get the wanting to honor who you are, but you're already doing that.

809
00:52:28.600 --> 00:52:29.000
Right.

810
00:52:29.000 --> 00:52:29.440
Right.

811
00:52:29.440 --> 00:52:32.600
You're already doing that and how you already show up and how you communicate.

812
00:52:33.280 --> 00:52:37.960
If they don't receive that, that's on them.

813
00:52:38.160 --> 00:52:48.600
You don't have to overcompensate because they themselves might not have shown any

814
00:52:48.600 --> 00:52:51.560
consistency that they're willing to be trustworthy.

815
00:52:53.000 --> 00:52:53.200
Right.

816
00:52:53.200 --> 00:52:55.880
So recognizing it as the first thing I'm saying,

817
00:52:57.520 --> 00:52:58.040
okay.

818
00:52:58.280 --> 00:53:02.280
And you don't, and at that point you don't have to, at this point, let him lead.

819
00:53:03.080 --> 00:53:03.880
There was a miscommunication.

820
00:53:03.960 --> 00:53:06.080
I'm so sorry about that miscommunication.

821
00:53:06.400 --> 00:53:08.280
Um, I just didn't have my phone on me.

822
00:53:08.600 --> 00:53:11.280
Um, maybe we can chat another time.

823
00:53:12.880 --> 00:53:15.160
Then let the balls in his court.

824
00:53:15.840 --> 00:53:19.160
If he wants to initiate something, let him initiate it.

825
00:53:19.880 --> 00:53:24.280
If he tries to initiate something and he's throwing in some like passive

826
00:53:24.280 --> 00:53:30.240
aggressive, like, oh, well you didn't, you didn't respond to my, my, my questions.

827
00:53:30.240 --> 00:53:34.600
And oh, do I now need to, to confirm that I need to call?

828
00:53:35.720 --> 00:53:36.800
Hey, I'm sorry.

829
00:53:36.800 --> 00:53:37.600
You feel that way?

830
00:53:37.640 --> 00:53:41.360
Um, I just think that maybe this is not going in that direction.

831
00:53:41.360 --> 00:53:42.080
I wish you the best.

832
00:53:43.080 --> 00:53:48.720
Like at that point, that's a, it's a block.

833
00:53:49.520 --> 00:53:49.720
Yeah.

834
00:53:49.720 --> 00:53:53.160
The one thing I did at that point, and actually, I mean, the one thing I did

835
00:53:53.160 --> 00:53:59.720
is say, then can we connect today, which was Sunday, you know, for a video call.

836
00:54:00.040 --> 00:54:06.320
Um, but like I wrote in my post, I'm T I've been aware for years of, of, uh,

837
00:54:06.360 --> 00:54:10.200
what, what is it's called the over-functioning or trying to have a

838
00:54:10.200 --> 00:54:12.720
healthy relationship with a man who isn't healthy enough.

839
00:54:13.000 --> 00:54:14.480
I've known that's my issue.

840
00:54:14.680 --> 00:54:17.440
It's just changing is the challenge.

841
00:54:18.240 --> 00:54:18.840
Oh girl.

842
00:54:18.880 --> 00:54:19.200
Yeah.

843
00:54:19.240 --> 00:54:19.880
I get you.

844
00:54:20.560 --> 00:54:24.080
And I was so glad I was getting your input and coming here and just, you know,

845
00:54:24.080 --> 00:54:24.920
absolutely.

846
00:54:25.280 --> 00:54:31.880
Well, and I love it because like you, you, you see it and like, you're aware

847
00:54:31.880 --> 00:54:37.000
of it and, and you coming into this community and sharing it is helping so

848
00:54:37.000 --> 00:54:41.240
many other people and it's helping me in all honesty, like you sharing it.

849
00:54:41.240 --> 00:54:44.680
It reminds me of like, Oh, like I struggle with that too.

850
00:54:45.360 --> 00:54:45.680
Yeah.

851
00:54:45.760 --> 00:54:49.760
And there's still areas in my life that, I mean, and I'm not single anymore, but

852
00:54:49.760 --> 00:54:55.360
I'm like, Oh, I really can still find myself operating it like that's how we

853
00:54:55.400 --> 00:55:00.040
all really, it, it, it really just allows us to support each other.

854
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.000
and pour into one another.

855
00:55:04.000 --> 00:55:07.120
And so I love when you ladies can come

856
00:55:07.120 --> 00:55:09.840
and just, you know, be open, be willing.

857
00:55:09.840 --> 00:55:11.680
And I love the fact that, you know,

858
00:55:11.680 --> 00:55:15.160
she was even like, oh, like I didn't have my phone on.

859
00:55:15.160 --> 00:55:16.760
I would still love to connect.

860
00:55:16.760 --> 00:55:18.860
How about we do a video call on Sunday?

861
00:55:20.680 --> 00:55:24.680
She, at that point, she could have stopped there

862
00:55:24.680 --> 00:55:25.980
and was fine.

863
00:55:25.980 --> 00:55:27.400
I would have been cool with that.

864
00:55:27.400 --> 00:55:28.720
Then guess what?

865
00:55:28.720 --> 00:55:30.360
He didn't follow through.

866
00:55:31.340 --> 00:55:32.800
He didn't video call her.

867
00:55:35.180 --> 00:55:36.020
Like-

868
00:55:36.020 --> 00:55:37.980
He agreed to do it and then didn't show up.

869
00:55:37.980 --> 00:55:40.760
So that right there shows more inconsistency.

870
00:55:40.760 --> 00:55:41.700
Right.

871
00:55:41.700 --> 00:55:44.860
And Karen, like, that's what I want you to focus on.

872
00:55:44.860 --> 00:55:49.860
Are like, what makes you want to stay engaged

873
00:55:51.300 --> 00:55:53.780
in interacting with someone

874
00:55:53.780 --> 00:55:57.420
who's not going to show you the same consideration

875
00:55:57.420 --> 00:56:02.340
that your heart is for others?

876
00:56:02.340 --> 00:56:03.420
Yeah.

877
00:56:03.420 --> 00:56:08.080
If you are willing to show that consideration for others,

878
00:56:08.080 --> 00:56:10.460
why would you not want others to,

879
00:56:10.460 --> 00:56:13.380
why are you not receiving that for yourself?

880
00:56:13.380 --> 00:56:16.060
Why are you accepting less?

881
00:56:16.060 --> 00:56:16.900
Absolutely.

882
00:56:16.900 --> 00:56:19.180
It's another onion layer of healing.

883
00:56:19.180 --> 00:56:20.420
Exactly.

884
00:56:20.420 --> 00:56:21.260
So it's okay.

885
00:56:21.260 --> 00:56:23.220
And that's what we all have it.

886
00:56:23.220 --> 00:56:24.060
We all have it.

887
00:56:25.580 --> 00:56:26.820
So thank you very much.

888
00:56:27.180 --> 00:56:28.000
That's all I need.

889
00:56:28.000 --> 00:56:28.840
Thank you.

890
00:56:28.840 --> 00:56:30.220
Thank you so much for sharing.

891
00:56:30.220 --> 00:56:31.060
All right.

892
00:56:31.060 --> 00:56:31.900
I got Dana.

893
00:56:31.900 --> 00:56:32.720
I got Laura.

894
00:56:32.720 --> 00:56:33.560
I got Patty.

895
00:56:33.560 --> 00:56:34.700
They've all got questions.

896
00:56:34.700 --> 00:56:36.820
We've got 30 minutes.

897
00:56:36.820 --> 00:56:38.060
I see my girl, Jenna on.

898
00:56:38.060 --> 00:56:40.700
Jenna, are you able to unmute as well?

899
00:56:40.700 --> 00:56:42.020
I don't know how long I have you for.

900
00:56:42.020 --> 00:56:43.340
I know.

901
00:56:43.340 --> 00:56:46.600
Jenna, are you the one that we were talking about?

902
00:56:46.600 --> 00:56:47.700
You're a single mama?

903
00:56:49.460 --> 00:56:50.300
Yes, I am.

904
00:56:50.300 --> 00:56:52.620
All right.

905
00:56:52.620 --> 00:56:54.640
Do I have you on for long?

906
00:56:54.640 --> 00:56:55.820
No, yeah, I'm here.

907
00:56:55.820 --> 00:56:56.660
Okay.

908
00:56:57.500 --> 00:56:59.740
I'm going to hit up with Dana, Laura, and Patty,

909
00:56:59.740 --> 00:57:01.620
and then we'll follow up with you, okay?

910
00:57:01.620 --> 00:57:02.460
Sound good?

911
00:57:02.460 --> 00:57:03.300
Thank you.

912
00:57:03.300 --> 00:57:04.120
Awesome.

913
00:57:04.120 --> 00:57:06.260
All right, Dana, what you got for me?

914
00:57:06.260 --> 00:57:07.780
I'm going to be really quick

915
00:57:07.780 --> 00:57:10.600
because I don't really like long anything.

916
00:57:11.740 --> 00:57:12.580
Sorry.

917
00:57:12.580 --> 00:57:14.220
Sorry, I'm long-winded.

918
00:57:14.220 --> 00:57:15.060
That's okay.

919
00:57:15.060 --> 00:57:16.300
That's who you are.

920
00:57:16.300 --> 00:57:17.740
It's just not where I'm at.

921
00:57:19.500 --> 00:57:22.020
I've noticed that this isn't actually a question,

922
00:57:22.020 --> 00:57:23.720
although I do have one at the end.

923
00:57:24.680 --> 00:57:27.280
And I'm not sure if it's from doing heart work.

924
00:57:27.280 --> 00:57:29.280
Well, I think it is from doing heart work.

925
00:57:29.280 --> 00:57:34.280
I've noticed that I am seeing a pattern

926
00:57:35.440 --> 00:57:38.120
in one of my oldest friends.

927
00:57:38.120 --> 00:57:39.520
I'm not saying dearest,

928
00:57:39.520 --> 00:57:44.520
but one of my oldest friends that is problematic.

929
00:57:46.460 --> 00:57:49.840
And I don't know why I never saw it before,

930
00:57:49.840 --> 00:57:53.120
but I think I'm just healed more.

931
00:57:53.440 --> 00:57:56.320
And now I'm seeing, and I'm thinking,

932
00:57:56.320 --> 00:57:57.960
how did I not see this before?

933
00:57:57.960 --> 00:58:00.620
Because she frustrates me no end.

934
00:58:02.520 --> 00:58:05.040
No end, you know, there's, you know,

935
00:58:05.040 --> 00:58:07.640
all I do is get the drama from her whole family

936
00:58:07.640 --> 00:58:10.400
and her neighbors and every, like,

937
00:58:10.400 --> 00:58:12.360
and so I thought, well, what the,

938
00:58:12.360 --> 00:58:14.160
anyway, I'm quite pleased.

939
00:58:14.160 --> 00:58:15.440
Like, I'm very, very pleased.

940
00:58:15.440 --> 00:58:17.980
So now it's managing, you know,

941
00:58:19.000 --> 00:58:20.560
how do I know manages?

942
00:58:20.560 --> 00:58:22.840
Because she won't talk, she won't,

943
00:58:22.840 --> 00:58:25.520
she, you know, she won't engage unless it's on her term.

944
00:58:25.520 --> 00:58:28.200
So I have to wait for her to finish sulking,

945
00:58:28.200 --> 00:58:30.000
which could be months.

946
00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:30.960
It could be.

947
00:58:30.960 --> 00:58:33.200
And then we'll have a conversation

948
00:58:33.200 --> 00:58:35.040
and then I may need to shift

949
00:58:35.040 --> 00:58:37.420
where she is in my friendship circle.

950
00:58:39.060 --> 00:58:40.960
But I just, I found it quite interesting

951
00:58:40.960 --> 00:58:44.420
that this would overlap into other areas of my life.

952
00:58:44.420 --> 00:58:46.160
And I quite like that.

953
00:58:46.160 --> 00:58:47.000
Yeah, I feel.

954
00:58:47.000 --> 00:58:48.440
Yeah, no, and that's why I love that.

955
00:58:48.440 --> 00:58:50.240
And that's why I encourage you ladies,

956
00:58:50.240 --> 00:58:52.400
like for anybody that's on that,

957
00:58:52.400 --> 00:58:53.600
you're like, oh, I'm not dating.

958
00:58:53.600 --> 00:58:54.880
So I can't come to these calls.

959
00:58:54.880 --> 00:58:56.400
Yes, you can.

960
00:58:56.400 --> 00:58:59.480
Because what, like, it's not just relationship

961
00:58:59.480 --> 00:59:03.960
in like dating, it's relationship in life with people.

962
00:59:03.960 --> 00:59:05.660
We're created for relationship.

963
00:59:06.840 --> 00:59:08.800
Whether it's with family, with friends,

964
00:59:08.800 --> 00:59:10.460
with coworkers, with, you know,

965
00:59:10.460 --> 00:59:12.600
people we go to church with.

966
00:59:12.600 --> 00:59:14.760
Like all of this heartwork stuff,

967
00:59:14.760 --> 00:59:19.760
it really does benefit all your relationships.

968
00:59:20.760 --> 00:59:24.660
And how you interact, even in your friendships,

969
00:59:24.660 --> 00:59:29.660
will pour into how you'll interact in a marriage.

970
00:59:30.360 --> 00:59:34.220
Because ladies, you're gonna marry your best friend.

971
00:59:35.240 --> 00:59:39.560
Like friendship and like coexisting and working with,

972
00:59:39.560 --> 00:59:43.040
like all of that is part of marriage.

973
00:59:43.040 --> 00:59:48.040
So coming here to be able to process through those things

974
00:59:48.520 --> 00:59:50.760
is all really, really good and all really healthy.

975
00:59:50.760 --> 00:59:54.480
And I love, like, fun fact,

976
00:59:55.800 --> 00:59:58.720
I was in heartwork for over a year before I started dating.

977
00:59:58.720 --> 01:00:00.080
And Dana, I had a lot of.

978
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:08.160
you're experiencing. Like these aha moments of like, oh my word, like, how did I not see this

979
01:00:08.160 --> 01:00:14.880
with this person before? And it's because we had blind spots before and we had areas that weren't

980
01:00:14.880 --> 01:00:22.640
healed. And so it's just going to get you to take even deeper layers of healing. And it's going to,

981
01:00:22.640 --> 01:00:28.960
I, I really even just sense this, this, you're going to have this understanding and compassion

982
01:00:29.600 --> 01:00:36.640
and you're not going to pick, like, I already even just feel you're like, my friend is not

983
01:00:36.640 --> 01:00:43.600
going to talk and it might take her months and you're already not picking that up that you're

984
01:00:43.600 --> 01:00:49.760
like, it's okay. You're not going to not love her, but you're also not going to pick it up.

985
01:00:51.680 --> 01:00:54.960
You're going to allow her the time and space and the grace

986
01:00:55.840 --> 01:01:04.560
for her to work through that on her own. And you're there when she's ready and that's good.

987
01:01:04.560 --> 01:01:10.960
And that's healthy. And that's just going to allow you that once you step into, you know,

988
01:01:10.960 --> 01:01:15.440
and I know you've been dating and you, I think last time we talked, you had that one gentleman

989
01:01:15.440 --> 01:01:22.960
that was his, he was still married or something like they don't do something. And it was just

990
01:01:23.760 --> 01:01:29.120
like, but you're like, but I actually was open-minded. Like you, you didn't respond the

991
01:01:29.120 --> 01:01:36.880
way that you did in the past. And that was huge growth. And so I love that. I think, yeah, I mean,

992
01:01:38.080 --> 01:01:41.680
you're, you're, you're doing the right thing. You're, you're seeing, okay,

993
01:01:41.680 --> 01:01:46.800
I might have to adjust where she falls in my, in my priority right now.

994
01:01:47.600 --> 01:01:51.680
Doesn't mean that you don't love her. You don't care deeply for her,

995
01:01:53.120 --> 01:02:00.880
but you also know that buying into the cycle, the drama, the frustration isn't helping her.

996
01:02:02.000 --> 01:02:04.080
And it most certainly isn't helping you either.

997
01:02:06.400 --> 01:02:11.600
So you get to just pray for her and just have peace with that

998
01:02:12.400 --> 01:02:17.120
and spend time with the Lord. Be like, all right, Lord, what do you want to show me with this

999
01:02:18.480 --> 01:02:26.720
and see what he shows you in his timing? Yeah. Yeah, I do too. And my question was,

1000
01:02:27.920 --> 01:02:34.960
you, someone, the, when you were speaking with Karen, you mentioned something about a Google

1001
01:02:34.960 --> 01:02:40.080
voice number, which I wrote down. I've never heard of that. I somehow I missed that and I

1002
01:02:40.080 --> 01:02:45.920
hate giving out my number because I have a very unusual name and it would be so easy to find me.

1003
01:02:46.480 --> 01:02:52.080
Are you in, and you're in Canada, aren't you? I am. I don't know. Is that different? I want,

1004
01:02:52.080 --> 01:02:59.840
I don't, I cannot remember. I know. Cause I know there was women I coached in England and France,

1005
01:02:59.840 --> 01:03:07.360
and I don't think that they have Google numbers, Google voice numbers. Just type in Google voice

1006
01:03:07.360 --> 01:03:16.000
number and see if it's available in Canada. It may not be. Okay. But I would imagine there's

1007
01:03:16.000 --> 01:03:24.640
probably something similar. If you don't do a Google voice number, what platform are you using

1008
01:03:24.640 --> 01:03:34.160
for, are you doing online dating? Yes. Facebook. Okay. Facebook, you can use messenger and don't

1009
01:03:34.160 --> 01:03:42.880
friend request them. I don't think is I haven't seen that in there. I've looked. So you can,

1010
01:03:42.880 --> 01:03:48.640
you can, I did that when there's, again, it's been a few years, but I can't imagine them changing

1011
01:03:48.640 --> 01:03:57.040
this. You can message people on Facebook messenger and not be their friend. Oh, your profile is like,

1012
01:03:57.040 --> 01:04:03.760
ladies, you want to make sure that your profile is locked to private. Okay. Make sure you have

1013
01:04:03.760 --> 01:04:08.880
that locked down to private so that people can't just search you and see all your things,

1014
01:04:11.120 --> 01:04:18.720
but they can still message you. You would just have to like go and look.

1015
01:04:20.880 --> 01:04:23.280
They're just not going to see all of the things that you post.

1016
01:04:24.480 --> 01:04:29.680
They could also, um, we could also do video calls that way. And you can video call that way. I did

1017
01:04:29.680 --> 01:04:35.680
that one because I did Facebook dating, honestly, like that was my preferred dating platform

1018
01:04:37.120 --> 01:04:45.840
for several reasons. Um, and that's what I was able to do now. I would get men that would

1019
01:04:45.840 --> 01:04:50.480
friend request me, but I wouldn't usually, I would never accept their friend request.

1020
01:04:51.120 --> 01:04:53.760
Right. Um, because I mean, I was a single mom and I

1021
01:04:53.760 --> 01:04:59.840
had post pictures of my son and everything because I family that.

1022
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.940
You know was long-distance and yeah, and I was just like I don't need random people seeing where I'm at what I'm doing

1023
01:05:08.100 --> 01:05:11.620
Yeah, so I had that pretty locked well on lockdown. So

1024
01:05:12.540 --> 01:05:16.980
But yeah, you can do video that way and then you can have a zoom account

1025
01:05:16.980 --> 01:05:20.900
It's it's you can do a free zoom call like 40 minutes. I

1026
01:05:23.260 --> 01:05:29.820
Talk a lot and so for me to kind of limit how much interaction how much talking I was doing with someone

1027
01:05:30.000 --> 01:05:31.020
that I

1028
01:05:31.020 --> 01:05:34.100
Didn't really know very well. And so I wouldn't deep dive. I

1029
01:05:34.740 --> 01:05:37.040
Do zoom calls because it cut me off at 40 minutes

1030
01:05:38.300 --> 01:05:46.460
And I know what's up is I do what's up with all my my friends in Europe and in Australia

1031
01:05:49.260 --> 01:05:51.260
They all have my number and

1032
01:05:52.260 --> 01:05:56.300
So I'm thinking that means I still have to give out my number to use. What's up?

1033
01:05:56.920 --> 01:06:01.560
Yeah, I was gonna say I think what's up, yeah, you have to your phone number is linked to that it's like

1034
01:06:01.560 --> 01:06:05.560
Yes, and I know I know personally like here in the States

1035
01:06:07.120 --> 01:06:09.120
What's up gets hacked frequently

1036
01:06:10.440 --> 01:06:15.040
And there's a lot of there's a lot of scammers that go on what's up in the States?

1037
01:06:15.040 --> 01:06:18.880
I don't know but I but I understand how people are using that

1038
01:06:20.120 --> 01:06:22.120
Internationally, so I get that

1039
01:06:22.420 --> 01:06:27.860
I'm not saying that everybody's that's trying to use what app is gonna scam you like I'm not saying that at all

1040
01:06:27.940 --> 01:06:34.920
But those are just things to be mindful of that's why you don't always want to have something attached with your phone number

1041
01:06:34.980 --> 01:06:37.320
Like yeah, my son's school

1042
01:06:38.300 --> 01:06:42.540
We have like parent groups on what's app at the beginning of the year

1043
01:06:43.480 --> 01:06:45.300
we had like

1044
01:06:45.300 --> 01:06:47.300
hundreds of numbers going into our

1045
01:06:47.980 --> 01:06:49.380
kids

1046
01:06:49.380 --> 01:06:52.740
Grades groups where we share information about our children

1047
01:06:53.880 --> 01:06:57.380
And it was like brand new beginning of the year. So we just thought these are all brand new parents

1048
01:06:58.000 --> 01:07:05.420
Because we were a brand new school and it was like, oh no, we got hacked and it was phone numbers

1049
01:07:06.200 --> 01:07:08.980
and so like that's just I mean

1050
01:07:09.640 --> 01:07:16.360
So you just have to be very careful with that, but that's what I would check out Facebook and then zoom

1051
01:07:17.060 --> 01:07:21.460
And then if you just type in like a Google search and just be like

1052
01:07:23.420 --> 01:07:30.100
Google voice number or something that's similar to using Canada. I'm sure there is something

1053
01:07:30.980 --> 01:07:35.980
Like my husband he he uses like a Google voice number for his work

1054
01:07:36.620 --> 01:07:39.700
so he's like an insurance like he sells insurance and

1055
01:07:40.200 --> 01:07:46.800
So and it calls go directly to his cell phone, but now his clients don't have his direct

1056
01:07:47.440 --> 01:07:51.140
Phone number they have a separate number

1057
01:07:51.940 --> 01:07:53.940
Which is helpful. Yeah

1058
01:07:54.880 --> 01:07:56.880
So, yeah

1059
01:07:57.160 --> 01:08:03.000
Canada thank you, and you're sounding better actually. Oh, thank you. I

1060
01:08:03.000 --> 01:08:10.420
Know I'm trying. I'm just I'm thankful. My voice isn't gone yet. I'm really hoping my voice doesn't I don't lose it

1061
01:08:11.460 --> 01:08:16.460
So just be praying for me praying for me ladies. All right, Patty. How are you? What's your question?

1062
01:08:17.660 --> 01:08:23.859
I'm good. Thanks Carla. Great seeing you as always. Yes a couple of years

1063
01:08:23.859 --> 01:08:26.660
Oh, here's man a couple of weeks ago

1064
01:08:28.380 --> 01:08:30.380
You said something about

1065
01:08:30.439 --> 01:08:32.439
You said something about

1066
01:08:32.779 --> 01:08:39.160
How one of the main purposes of dating for discovery was to work out the heart work

1067
01:08:40.200 --> 01:08:43.080
Right. Yeah, and you know, I

1068
01:08:45.160 --> 01:08:51.439
Guess I kind of experienced that and I'm just not dating. Let me be clear. I'm not dating anybody

1069
01:08:52.200 --> 01:08:55.439
Me getting back and interacting with people in person

1070
01:08:56.520 --> 01:08:58.279
world of zoom

1071
01:08:58.279 --> 01:09:00.939
For almost everything. It's been lovely

1072
01:09:01.660 --> 01:09:06.420
But I realized what you were saying that until unless I get out there and talk to people

1073
01:09:07.060 --> 01:09:09.220
I'll be perfectly healed in here

1074
01:09:10.020 --> 01:09:12.020
Of course. Yeah

1075
01:09:12.660 --> 01:09:17.540
But there's always another layer and that's like that's good like

1076
01:09:18.899 --> 01:09:20.899
That's why we need

1077
01:09:24.700 --> 01:09:27.060
What I wanted to get your feedback on I guess

1078
01:09:29.220 --> 01:09:31.220
So

1079
01:09:34.540 --> 01:09:36.220
I have okay

1080
01:09:36.220 --> 01:09:43.260
I live in an area where there are very few people of color and I have my journeys at different churches

1081
01:09:43.740 --> 01:09:45.060
interacted with

1082
01:09:45.060 --> 01:09:50.180
several different Christian gentlemen who are not people of color and I

1083
01:09:50.700 --> 01:09:53.100
Have to take the responsibility for misinterpreting

1084
01:09:53.100 --> 01:09:59.800
Their different gestures of friendship as romantic interest and so then

1085
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.120
I would get what I would call like they would then when they realized that I thought they liked me,

1086
01:10:05.120 --> 01:10:11.440
then they were like, you know, kind of pretending not to see me and all kinds of other things like

1087
01:10:11.440 --> 01:10:23.760
that. So now I have this like, feat of talking to anybody who is not a person of color and getting

1088
01:10:23.840 --> 01:10:31.920
burned again. And so when I went to the new church where I think I am going to stay for a while,

1089
01:10:34.400 --> 01:10:40.320
I was standing in the lobby waiting for the doors to open and there was, and I mean again,

1090
01:10:40.320 --> 01:10:45.440
I'm not saying that this, I don't have any ideas of this person's intentions. I'm just talking about

1091
01:10:45.440 --> 01:10:52.560
my own reaction. Person was turned around, stopped talking to his friend, turned around and I could

1092
01:10:52.560 --> 01:10:58.800
kind of feel that he was looking at me and I was just like, no, we're not trying to do this five

1093
01:10:58.800 --> 01:11:03.600
times. And so I just looked straight ahead. I just kept looking like, like I didn't see him.

1094
01:11:04.400 --> 01:11:07.920
And then I went into church event, you know, when they'd open the door like,

1095
01:11:09.120 --> 01:11:15.360
so my thing is just, I don't have any delusions that that was any kind of interest. However,

1096
01:11:15.360 --> 01:11:21.200
it's church and church is supposed to be a crude community of Christians where people are at least

1097
01:11:21.200 --> 01:11:27.440
spiritual and friendly. So maybe next time I could just at least turn my head and smile or,

1098
01:11:27.440 --> 01:11:32.160
you know, and, and just be at least full instead of being all, but I'm just so,

1099
01:11:33.520 --> 01:11:38.400
I feel like a fool for doing it for, for, for falling for it, for, for, for being a

1100
01:11:38.960 --> 01:11:48.560
misinterpreting for time. And so my guard is like way up with that. Does that make sense?

1101
01:11:49.520 --> 01:11:54.880
Yes, it does. So, I mean, I think this is kind of what I'm, I'm curious is happening. So,

1102
01:11:56.320 --> 01:12:03.360
so you're in an area where there's not a lot of people of color. So it's, it sounds like

1103
01:12:06.080 --> 01:12:12.080
when you're there, the people that are not of color don't know how to respond.

1104
01:12:14.000 --> 01:12:16.800
And so is that, do you feel like that's actually,

1105
01:12:17.040 --> 01:12:22.720
a lot of people of color? They do. Okay. What I'm wondering is like, does that happen?

1106
01:12:23.520 --> 01:12:29.680
Like, because they don't know how to respond. They don't know how to like,

1107
01:12:30.400 --> 01:12:39.600
like just accept people for who they are. And so if you've been in a situation where if this

1108
01:12:39.600 --> 01:12:47.040
has been kind of the environment you've been in, what are some of the things like that have

1109
01:12:47.040 --> 01:12:57.360
happened and belief systems that have now been rooted that are some of the like, what are,

1110
01:12:57.360 --> 01:13:06.960
what are some of the core beliefs that you believe about yourself or others that shows up? Like,

1111
01:13:06.960 --> 01:13:14.560
where is that? What's that? Well, the main one is that if someone is, if a guy in church

1112
01:13:14.560 --> 01:13:21.600
is chatting with me and he's not a person of color, he just sees me as a buddy. Okay.

1113
01:13:23.200 --> 01:13:35.280
So do you believe that? Okay. So someone not of color. Which is fine. I mean, everybody has the

1114
01:13:35.280 --> 01:13:39.680
right to their own beliefs, you know, I'm not trying to force anybody, but I'm just saying,

1115
01:13:39.680 --> 01:13:46.320
I can't afford to be like, Oh, maybe he likes me because that's not. But do you see how you're now,

1116
01:13:46.880 --> 01:13:55.760
you have this view of like rejection. I, if this person's not of color, they,

1117
01:13:56.400 --> 01:14:05.440
they must only like me as a buddy. So I'm being rejected. I'm not of any value.

1118
01:14:06.880 --> 01:14:11.200
Is that something that you tend to have a pattern of show up in?

1119
01:14:11.200 --> 01:14:16.800
Well, I don't think that it means that I don't have value. I just think that I have to learn

1120
01:14:16.800 --> 01:14:23.040
that even though that's the environment that I grew up in, that's not my community, so to speak,

1121
01:14:23.040 --> 01:14:25.520
that's not my dating community. Let's put it that way.

1122
01:14:28.400 --> 01:14:30.960
What kind of, what do you mean by environment you grew up in?

1123
01:14:31.840 --> 01:14:34.560
Because I mean, everybody else here on the street is white.

1124
01:14:35.200 --> 01:14:37.840
Okay. And that's since I was five.

1125
01:14:38.880 --> 01:14:45.040
Okay. So what has been like, I mean, that's, but what's your experience been when you were a kid?

1126
01:14:45.040 --> 01:14:50.640
Like, can you go back to some of your earliest memories? Oh yeah. I mean, it's bad. That's why

1127
01:14:50.640 --> 01:14:54.080
I try to leave that in the past. You know, I'm not even bringing that part up, but.

1128
01:14:54.720 --> 01:14:57.920
Okay. Well then let's talk about that.

1129
01:14:57.920 --> 01:14:59.840
I can't delude myself. That's why.

1130
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.000
I travel 45 minutes to go to a church where there are more people of color,

1131
01:15:04.000 --> 01:15:09.520
so at least I have a chance. Okay. Might not happen. We don't know what God's will is,

1132
01:15:09.520 --> 01:15:13.680
but at least I'm putting myself in an environment where there's a possibility.

1133
01:15:13.680 --> 01:15:18.960
I love that you're getting open, but I do want to kind of come back to this

1134
01:15:19.920 --> 01:15:23.600
comment that you made of not wanting to kind of go back in the past.

1135
01:15:23.600 --> 01:15:33.040
Well, I mean, I just, I know that it just, I know what happened and I know,

1136
01:15:33.040 --> 01:15:37.120
and I've done a lot, I've been in a lot of counseling throughout my years, you know,

1137
01:15:37.120 --> 01:15:42.880
so I don't know, like Dr. Kelly, who was a child psychologist, she told me

1138
01:15:44.080 --> 01:15:48.640
that I shouldn't play the old tapes. Not to play the old tapes.

1139
01:15:48.640 --> 01:15:50.720
That's how long ago it was. They were tape recorders.

1140
01:15:53.280 --> 01:15:58.160
And so, and I, and what she was basically was saying is not to keep rehearsing the hurtful

1141
01:15:58.160 --> 01:16:04.560
things that were said or done to me because it's not helping me, you know? So therefore,

1142
01:16:05.120 --> 01:16:11.680
I'm just talking about the interactions with guys in the last even 10 years, you know,

1143
01:16:11.680 --> 01:16:21.360
that's more recent past. So, yeah, we don't want to go and replay the old things, but what we can

1144
01:16:21.360 --> 01:16:34.640
do is go and recognize what do those past interactions, what do they tell us? What do we

1145
01:16:34.640 --> 01:16:44.880
now believe? This is where that heartwork piece comes in. And so, and like you, like I had been

1146
01:16:44.880 --> 01:16:52.720
in therapy for like seven or eight years before I came to Jackie's community. I mean, I did a lot

1147
01:16:52.720 --> 01:16:58.880
of therapy and I mean, I'm still, I still do there. I mean, I'm like, to me, I think therapy is super

1148
01:16:59.680 --> 01:17:11.120
beneficial, but there's just something super natural. And like with what we do with heartwork,

1149
01:17:13.280 --> 01:17:24.080
that is even deeper. And it is that piece of being able to, we don't want to replay the tape,

1150
01:17:24.080 --> 01:17:30.640
the old tapes and the old patterns. And we don't want to stay stuck in that same feeling,

1151
01:17:30.640 --> 01:17:38.160
that same emotion. We can recognize I felt that way, but you don't want to stay in that emotion,

1152
01:17:39.040 --> 01:17:48.960
right? But we do need to recognize because of that emotion, what now do I believe?

1153
01:17:49.360 --> 01:17:51.920
And that belief right there

1154
01:17:53.920 --> 01:18:02.560
shows up in our behavior and then how we respond. And that's what we need to get into alignment with,

1155
01:18:02.560 --> 01:18:10.080
with what God's truth is. And that's that heartwork piece. And I know,

1156
01:18:10.560 --> 01:18:11.200
and I know,

1157
01:18:15.120 --> 01:18:17.520
I, I understand

1158
01:18:20.960 --> 01:18:28.080
when there are some things in our past that have just really, really hurt us.

1159
01:18:29.280 --> 01:18:35.520
And we, and we've, we've done the therapy and we've, you know, talked and talked and talked

1160
01:18:36.160 --> 01:18:42.480
it out. And you're like, but this is still what I'm dealing with. You, you get to the point where

1161
01:18:42.480 --> 01:18:54.560
you're like, I just don't even want to look at it anymore, but let's approach it in a different way.

1162
01:18:55.040 --> 01:19:02.800
What if we don't look at the, what happened in the pattern, but we recognize

1163
01:19:04.800 --> 01:19:13.760
what does, what, like, what is it that is showing up? How would that,

1164
01:19:15.680 --> 01:19:18.880
how does my behavior follow my identity and my belief system?

1165
01:19:18.960 --> 01:19:22.160
How does my behavior follow my identity and my belief system?

1166
01:19:27.680 --> 01:19:32.720
I mean, it's hard to say. I have,

1167
01:19:36.560 --> 01:19:44.400
I, I have worked hard at not letting the bullying experiences that I experienced as a child

1168
01:19:45.200 --> 01:19:50.720
affect how I interact and how I show up in adult relationships.

1169
01:19:54.240 --> 01:19:59.920
However, that does not change the fact that I, you know, I went to

1170
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.280
like one of the big churches when I was in my 20s and 30s.

1171
01:20:04.280 --> 01:20:08.920
And, you know, there were so many single guys there

1172
01:20:08.920 --> 01:20:11.200
and I never got asked out by anybody

1173
01:20:11.200 --> 01:20:13.560
except for someone of a different religion

1174
01:20:13.560 --> 01:20:16.080
who was exploring Christianity.

1175
01:20:16.080 --> 01:20:17.880
And I was Sunday school teacher,

1176
01:20:17.880 --> 01:20:20.840
welcomer all over the church.

1177
01:20:20.840 --> 01:20:25.800
And, you know, I brought friends to church

1178
01:20:25.800 --> 01:20:27.700
and they got asked out.

1179
01:20:27.700 --> 01:20:28.540
Yeah.

1180
01:20:28.540 --> 01:20:31.340
And I was sitting there like, wait, what happened to me?

1181
01:20:31.340 --> 01:20:37.340
You know, so the fact that I still felt

1182
01:20:37.340 --> 01:20:41.240
continue to fall for guys, white guys, to me

1183
01:20:41.240 --> 01:20:43.840
is amazing because it's like you should have woken up

1184
01:20:43.840 --> 01:20:45.120
from that a long time ago.

1185
01:20:45.120 --> 01:20:48.720
But then again, there were no black guys.

1186
01:20:48.720 --> 01:20:51.120
There were no Latino guys.

1187
01:20:51.120 --> 01:20:54.240
I can't like people who aren't existing in front of me.

1188
01:20:54.240 --> 01:21:01.740
So, you know, but I think it does mean that, you know,

1189
01:21:01.740 --> 01:21:04.620
not the childhood experiences, but the kind of rebuffs

1190
01:21:04.620 --> 01:21:08.860
from the men when in the past several years

1191
01:21:08.860 --> 01:21:12.300
are the reason why I'm like, I don't need to talk to you.

1192
01:21:12.300 --> 01:21:13.500
It's OK.

1193
01:21:13.500 --> 01:21:14.340
Hello.

1194
01:21:14.340 --> 01:21:16.980
Goodbye.

1195
01:21:17.000 --> 01:21:31.200
So when you think back on that, and you're like the bullying

1196
01:21:31.200 --> 01:21:33.160
and then not wanting to show up in the adult,

1197
01:21:33.160 --> 01:21:35.960
like you can't change those things in the past.

1198
01:21:35.960 --> 01:21:37.960
So you want to show up as your best self

1199
01:21:37.960 --> 01:21:42.120
and not allow what happened in the past to affect

1200
01:21:42.120 --> 01:21:43.520
in how you show up in the future.

1201
01:21:43.660 --> 01:21:49.300
But I have to ask, have you ever been

1202
01:21:49.300 --> 01:21:56.180
allowed to just actually express exactly how it made you feel?

1203
01:21:56.180 --> 01:21:56.980
Oh, yeah.

1204
01:21:56.980 --> 01:22:01.380
I mean, I've told various counselors, Ebony included,

1205
01:22:01.380 --> 01:22:04.180
but like, you know, psychologists and stuff.

1206
01:22:04.180 --> 01:22:07.700
So, oh, yeah, I've definitely expressed it.

1207
01:22:07.700 --> 01:22:10.740
Your feelings are valid.

1208
01:22:11.000 --> 01:22:13.000
Those hurts are real hurts.

1209
01:22:13.000 --> 01:22:14.000
Mm-hmm.

1210
01:22:14.000 --> 01:22:24.000
Um, no, and with being in therapy, I mean, I'm asked,

1211
01:22:24.000 --> 01:22:28.480
I imagine, have you walked through that process

1212
01:22:28.480 --> 01:22:32.960
of, you know, spiritually like walking it out with like, OK,

1213
01:22:32.960 --> 01:22:35.360
God, where were you in all this?

1214
01:22:35.360 --> 01:22:40.480
What, what, you know, what was it like to be in therapy?

1215
01:22:40.940 --> 01:22:41.820
What were you saying?

1216
01:22:41.820 --> 01:22:43.340
What did you want to show me?

1217
01:22:43.340 --> 01:22:44.140
Mm-hmm.

1218
01:22:44.140 --> 01:22:45.980
What has he shown you in that?

1219
01:22:45.980 --> 01:22:47.700
Like, what are the beliefs?

1220
01:22:47.700 --> 01:22:48.980
What are his truths?

1221
01:22:48.980 --> 01:22:54.180
Like, I want to, I want to know what truths you are rooted in.

1222
01:22:54.180 --> 01:22:54.940
Yeah.

1223
01:22:54.940 --> 01:22:57.540
And I appreciate that.

1224
01:22:57.540 --> 01:23:00.540
I'm definitely going to, I just want to kind of prep you.

1225
01:23:00.540 --> 01:23:01.260
Yeah.

1226
01:23:01.260 --> 01:23:02.860
Brendan's going to be coming over.

1227
01:23:02.860 --> 01:23:04.460
OK.

1228
01:23:04.460 --> 01:23:04.960
I'm not.

1229
01:23:04.960 --> 01:23:07.660
We can always process this more even next week, too,

1230
01:23:07.660 --> 01:23:08.540
because I think.

1231
01:23:08.540 --> 01:23:09.420
She can hear it.

1232
01:23:09.440 --> 01:23:12.920
I don't care, you know, because I want to, you know,

1233
01:23:12.920 --> 01:23:15.600
if you're willing to talk with me now, but I'm just saying,

1234
01:23:15.600 --> 01:23:19.440
I'll probably have to get up and but I'll take the thing.

1235
01:23:19.440 --> 01:23:22.640
So what have I felt that God was telling me?

1236
01:23:22.640 --> 01:23:27.200
Well, first thing is, you know, despite what they said,

1237
01:23:27.200 --> 01:23:29.720
I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

1238
01:23:29.720 --> 01:23:32.360
I know that I'm God's child, dearly loved.

1239
01:23:32.360 --> 01:23:34.120
That's what Ephesians says, right?

1240
01:23:34.120 --> 01:23:36.600
And there were many other, you know,

1241
01:23:36.600 --> 01:23:38.960
verses about how much God loves us.

1242
01:23:39.500 --> 01:23:41.980
The numbers of hairs on our head.

1243
01:23:41.980 --> 01:23:45.100
So why did all of that happen?

1244
01:23:45.100 --> 01:23:49.580
And certainly, I was not born again until I was 16,

1245
01:23:49.580 --> 01:23:52.060
but I was still believed in God.

1246
01:23:52.060 --> 01:23:54.460
And I definitely prayed that they would stop.

1247
01:23:54.460 --> 01:23:57.380
That's all I wanted, just for them to stop.

1248
01:23:57.380 --> 01:24:05.700
But I guess what I believe, my interpretation of it

1249
01:24:05.720 --> 01:24:10.520
is that God provided a way out eventually

1250
01:24:10.520 --> 01:24:13.680
when I got to high school, I went to my parents

1251
01:24:13.680 --> 01:24:16.160
and I said, I can't take any more of it.

1252
01:24:16.160 --> 01:24:21.160
And so we all found, they found a school in another town

1253
01:24:23.560 --> 01:24:26.680
and I got to go there and it was just so lovely

1254
01:24:26.680 --> 01:24:28.640
because there was nobody harassing me.

1255
01:24:28.640 --> 01:24:31.640
They didn't have that history of targeting me.

1256
01:24:31.640 --> 01:24:34.380
And so I feel like that was one of,

1257
01:24:34.380 --> 01:24:38.020
that was God providing that, right?

1258
01:24:38.020 --> 01:24:40.620
Because they were prepared to send me to a school

1259
01:24:40.620 --> 01:24:42.780
where they had to pay and the guidance counselor

1260
01:24:42.780 --> 01:24:45.900
was like, no, you can do the regional school system.

1261
01:24:45.900 --> 01:24:48.420
You know, so that was an awesome, awesome thing,

1262
01:24:48.420 --> 01:24:50.800
you know, and I'm thankful for that.

1263
01:24:50.800 --> 01:24:54.260
It definitely has made me focus my life on kindness

1264
01:24:54.260 --> 01:24:56.180
because I know what it feels like

1265
01:24:56.180 --> 01:24:58.840
to be the recipient of repeated cruelty.

1266
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.160
You know, it's why I'm writing books for children right now, and my book is, I have a book about

1267
01:25:06.160 --> 01:25:10.720
bullying, and people are always telling me I have to, you know, make it nicer, and all

1268
01:25:10.720 --> 01:25:12.400
kinds of things like that.

1269
01:25:12.400 --> 01:25:18.100
But the bottom line is, it has definitely, it's shaped who I am, for sure, and hopefully

1270
01:25:18.100 --> 01:25:26.320
I've taken it and flipped it, is what I'm hoping.

1271
01:25:26.320 --> 01:25:33.000
But you know, having said all that, it's, I don't know exactly what to say, but I do

1272
01:25:33.000 --> 01:25:38.640
feel that they're not taking me seriously, they're not, you know, because it's too many

1273
01:25:38.640 --> 01:25:39.640
times.

1274
01:25:39.640 --> 01:25:40.640
People that wouldn't go to this church, like people are not.

1275
01:25:40.640 --> 01:25:41.640
Yeah, yeah.

1276
01:25:41.640 --> 01:25:47.360
I mean, they just, you know, it's like, oh, I didn't mean that, I tease lots of people,

1277
01:25:47.360 --> 01:25:49.000
you know, and all that kind of stuff.

1278
01:25:49.000 --> 01:25:54.320
So, you know, because it's happened four times, I have to be like, hello, there's a pattern

1279
01:25:54.320 --> 01:25:55.320
here.

1280
01:25:55.320 --> 01:25:59.360
And they're not saying they're evil people, they're just seeing you as like a little sister

1281
01:25:59.360 --> 01:26:00.680
in Christ.

1282
01:26:00.680 --> 01:26:04.320
And so that's what I know, like when they, some people come up to me, if people come

1283
01:26:04.320 --> 01:26:10.000
and talk to me, it's hard for me not to be like, not to remember all of those, not the

1284
01:26:10.000 --> 01:26:17.880
childhood stuff, but the men who, oh, patty, hugs, and all kinds of things, you know.

1285
01:26:17.880 --> 01:26:22.600
Again, that's exactly kind of what, you know, and Jackie even teaches this, it's kind of

1286
01:26:22.600 --> 01:26:32.440
like when we start believing people are only going to see me as a sister, they're not going

1287
01:26:32.440 --> 01:26:38.680
to find me attractive, guess what, you're going to find, you're going to find confirmation

1288
01:26:38.680 --> 01:26:39.680
in that.

1289
01:26:39.680 --> 01:26:40.680
Yeah.

1290
01:26:40.680 --> 01:26:48.320
And so if that's what you're focused on, that's where you're finding your confirmation.

1291
01:26:48.320 --> 01:26:52.520
That's where your eyes have been fixed at.

1292
01:26:52.520 --> 01:26:56.880
In the beginning, you started talking like, I know I'm fearfully, wonderfully made, and

1293
01:26:56.880 --> 01:27:00.000
you know the scripture.

1294
01:27:00.000 --> 01:27:07.160
And I love that you've done the work and you can go and look at some of those challenging,

1295
01:27:07.160 --> 01:27:12.640
those trials and tribulations that you've had to walk through and how God has turned

1296
01:27:12.640 --> 01:27:15.520
all those things for good.

1297
01:27:15.520 --> 01:27:19.120
Like even what the enemy means for evil, God uses it for good.

1298
01:27:19.120 --> 01:27:26.680
And so God is using all these, you know, horrible, hurtful things that have happened

1299
01:27:26.680 --> 01:27:33.200
to you to bring his light into the world.

1300
01:27:33.200 --> 01:27:37.600
And that is so beautiful.

1301
01:27:37.600 --> 01:27:53.800
You've done that process, but I really feel led to ask you to like pray and meditate on,

1302
01:27:53.800 --> 01:27:58.680
you know, we have those scriptures, we have God's truth, we have his word, and we know

1303
01:27:58.680 --> 01:28:00.800
his word is truthful.

1304
01:28:00.800 --> 01:28:04.160
He's not a liar.

1305
01:28:04.160 --> 01:28:11.720
But where have you seen it actually show up in your life?

1306
01:28:11.720 --> 01:28:16.240
Solid evidence where you're like, God, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

1307
01:28:16.240 --> 01:28:21.640
And I know this is true because of this.

1308
01:28:21.640 --> 01:28:28.440
I'm fearfully and wonderfully made because when I was six years old, you did this.

1309
01:28:28.440 --> 01:28:30.800
You showed me this.

1310
01:28:30.800 --> 01:28:38.160
I'm fearfully and wonderfully made because even when these four men, you know, did this,

1311
01:28:38.160 --> 01:28:42.600
you showed me this.

1312
01:28:42.600 --> 01:28:52.000
I want solid evidence, not just the word, but him actually showing you that fruit of

1313
01:28:52.000 --> 01:28:56.160
just how beautiful and fearfully, wonderfully made you are.

1314
01:28:57.160 --> 01:28:59.720
And yes, we can.

1315
01:28:59.720 --> 01:29:04.800
We can turn all of those things that have been hurtful and that the enemy has wanted

1316
01:29:04.800 --> 01:29:07.040
to destroy and kill.

1317
01:29:07.040 --> 01:29:08.040
And we can say, you know what?

1318
01:29:08.040 --> 01:29:09.960
But God's going to turn it around.

1319
01:29:09.960 --> 01:29:12.080
And that is wonderful.

1320
01:29:12.080 --> 01:29:22.160
But if we still have this belief and this, I've got evidence because, you know what?

1321
01:29:22.160 --> 01:29:26.160
These four guys only saw me as a sister.

1322
01:29:26.160 --> 01:29:27.840
They didn't see me as interested.

1323
01:29:27.840 --> 01:29:30.480
Guess what you're going to attach yourself to?

1324
01:29:30.480 --> 01:29:31.480
Yeah.

1325
01:29:31.480 --> 01:29:41.840
That's a hard, I don't really have an answer, unfortunately, and you're not supposed to

1326
01:29:41.840 --> 01:29:42.840
have an answer right now.

1327
01:29:42.840 --> 01:29:43.840
You know why?

1328
01:29:43.840 --> 01:29:51.960
Because this is where you get to spend some intimate time with the father.

1329
01:29:51.960 --> 01:29:56.680
And he gets to show you and walk through this season with you.

1330
01:29:56.680 --> 01:29:59.000
And he gets to highlight to you.

1331
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:11.000
beautiful moments to show you that you are cherished. There is a man out there

1332
01:30:11.000 --> 01:30:18.480
that's gonna see you and choose you because you are chosen because God

1333
01:30:18.480 --> 01:30:26.520
chose you and it's not gonna matter what background, culture, anything. That man is

1334
01:30:26.520 --> 01:30:30.440
gonna see you and he's not gonna see the outside, he's gonna see what's inside

1335
01:30:30.440 --> 01:30:44.080
your heart. He's gonna know you because God knows you and I pray that God just

1336
01:30:44.080 --> 01:30:49.880
starts revealing to you people, even strangers on the street that will

1337
01:30:49.880 --> 01:31:00.160
recognize and call that out of you. Lord, show me. Show me that people see me the

1338
01:31:00.160 --> 01:31:07.640
way that you see me, Lord. That the enemy is a liar. Prove to me that the enemy is

1339
01:31:07.640 --> 01:31:14.280
a liar. I know that you're true. I know your word is true.

1340
01:31:14.360 --> 01:31:21.440
Give me evidence, Father, because you love me so much and I know you will. And Lord,

1341
01:31:21.440 --> 01:31:28.600
I am patient and I know you are going to bring me what I need to see when I need

1342
01:31:28.600 --> 01:31:33.240
to see it and it's going to be beautiful and it's going to be impactful.

1343
01:31:33.240 --> 01:31:39.720
Amen. I mean, thinking back, there was a gentleman in Toastmasters, this

1344
01:31:39.720 --> 01:31:48.320
public speaking group, that did say that my smile was beautiful.

1345
01:31:48.320 --> 01:31:57.320
Hello! I'm still finishing up with Zoom. Good to see you.

1346
01:31:57.320 --> 01:32:07.200
Yeah, so that's like maybe one example. Yeah, sit with that this

1347
01:32:07.200 --> 01:32:13.720
week and, you know, marinate on that. You know, you take as much time that you need

1348
01:32:13.720 --> 01:32:20.640
and that the Father wants to spend with you. Okay. All right. Thank you, Carla.

1349
01:32:20.640 --> 01:32:25.360
You are so welcome. I love you, girl. I love you, too.

1350
01:32:25.360 --> 01:32:31.280
All right, Jenna, how are you? We've got like five minutes. I just wanted to check

1351
01:32:31.280 --> 01:32:36.360
in with you. I'm so glad that you got to jump on. I know you've been sharing some

1352
01:32:36.360 --> 01:32:43.400
of your single mama. I was a single mama, too, so I totally relate. I just wanted

1353
01:32:43.400 --> 01:32:47.480
to check in on you because I know I saw you had responded and

1354
01:32:47.480 --> 01:32:50.000
then I was like, oh, you didn't get to come and then I was like, oh, maybe she'll

1355
01:32:50.000 --> 01:32:55.400
come this week. And so then I recently saw what you had posted as well and, you

1356
01:32:55.400 --> 01:33:04.800
know, I definitely related to a lot of that. That, you know, the one having

1357
01:33:04.800 --> 01:33:13.600
to turn your child over that you share over to someone that has hurt you. Yeah.

1358
01:33:13.600 --> 01:33:17.960
And that maybe is, you know, you're not quite at a place where you feel like

1359
01:33:17.960 --> 01:33:26.000
they're a trustworthy person, but they are your child's father. Yeah. It's so

1360
01:33:26.000 --> 01:33:38.440
beautiful. And so that's and that's and that can be a very vulnerable thing. And

1361
01:33:38.440 --> 01:33:44.240
so I relate to that in so many levels. Yeah. I think I don't know if you were on,

1362
01:33:44.240 --> 01:33:47.960
but I shared a little bit earlier, like my son's dad left me at seven months

1363
01:33:47.960 --> 01:33:53.600
pregnant. Yeah, I heard that. Immediately, like very early on, I think my son was six

1364
01:33:53.600 --> 01:33:59.600
weeks and he like my son's dad was like, when do I get him for overnight? And I

1365
01:33:59.600 --> 01:34:06.360
was like, what? So, you know, and and and just how he even showed up in some of

1366
01:34:06.360 --> 01:34:12.720
his choices and things like that was it was a challenge. And this is a. What's

1367
01:34:12.720 --> 01:34:18.200
that? He and he claimed Christian, correct? Yes. Yes.

1368
01:34:19.200 --> 01:34:25.000
Absolutely. That's the hardest thing is like having heard his church and like

1369
01:34:25.200 --> 01:34:29.280
he's literally a minister and like an upcoming pastor and what's a church and

1370
01:34:29.280 --> 01:34:33.240
he can lead worship and he sings at other churches and everybody thinks he's

1371
01:34:33.240 --> 01:34:38.760
just like the greatest person ever. And I can see the brokenness. I can't fix him.

1372
01:34:38.760 --> 01:34:44.080
I learned that I can't control like I'm not going to move away and control the

1373
01:34:44.080 --> 01:34:49.120
situation because that's not the answer. I just I told him the other day, I was

1374
01:34:49.120 --> 01:34:52.120
like, well, just pray for discernment over my daughter and she'll eventually

1375
01:34:52.120 --> 01:34:56.160
see how it is unless you change. You don't mean but she's going to even say

1376
01:34:56.160 --> 01:34:59.920
like, I mean, I that like I told I had a lot of.

1377
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.520
conversations to like, you just you're like, Oh, you know, and

1378
01:35:05.520 --> 01:35:06.000
that was

1379
01:35:07.000 --> 01:35:10.680
Oh, she's so anointed. And oh, da da da da. And he's and he

1380
01:35:10.680 --> 01:35:12.040
fixes a little old ladies.

1381
01:35:12.040 --> 01:35:15.640
Oh, yeah. And they're gonna show up and they're gonna show up

1382
01:35:15.640 --> 01:35:21.280
looking great. Absolutely. The best, the best advice that I was

1383
01:35:21.280 --> 01:35:25.960
given. And what really helped me is, I'll tell you a couple

1384
01:35:25.960 --> 01:35:32.680
things. You know, just again, my son is now 10. Okay, so going

1385
01:35:32.720 --> 01:35:34.000
over 10 years on this.

1386
01:35:36.400 --> 01:35:39.680
It gets better. And I know a lot of people would always tell me

1387
01:35:39.680 --> 01:35:44.960
that when my son was probably around your daughter's age, and

1388
01:35:44.960 --> 01:35:49.560
littler, and I'm like, I just don't believe it. It does. It

1389
01:35:49.560 --> 01:36:00.400
really happens. And you when you take your eyes off of that, when

1390
01:36:00.400 --> 01:36:05.600
you take your eyes off of him, and you focus your eyes on the

1391
01:36:05.600 --> 01:36:11.280
Lord. And this is easier said than done. Okay, right. And I've

1392
01:36:11.280 --> 01:36:17.400
walked this out. So just understand like I I'm not saying

1393
01:36:17.400 --> 01:36:22.560
things that I didn't have to struggle through. Yeah. But when

1394
01:36:22.560 --> 01:36:26.360
you take your eyes off that person, and you focus on the

1395
01:36:26.360 --> 01:36:35.680
Lord, and what you can do, and what God leads you to do. Even

1396
01:36:35.680 --> 01:36:38.400
in the moments that you're like, I don't want to do that, Lord.

1397
01:36:38.560 --> 01:36:43.600
But he's like, you're gonna do this. Yeah. Sometimes it's

1398
01:36:43.600 --> 01:36:46.560
literally like, Lord, I'm just gonna bite my tongue and make it

1399
01:36:46.640 --> 01:36:50.560
bleed. Because you're telling me and I don't want to listen to

1400
01:36:50.560 --> 01:36:58.160
you. It is following God's obedience. Yeah. But you get to

1401
01:36:58.680 --> 01:37:04.120
once you start shifting, and you start putting into practice what

1402
01:37:04.120 --> 01:37:10.160
the opportunities that God is giving you to be able to instill

1403
01:37:10.160 --> 01:37:14.920
in your daughter and empower your daughter with. And when you

1404
01:37:14.920 --> 01:37:21.360
start seeing that fruit come, you get to recognize like you're

1405
01:37:21.400 --> 01:37:29.000
in you have to so like any poor seeds, like I don't have to talk

1406
01:37:29.000 --> 01:37:33.240
negatively about my son's dad. Yeah. I mean, there's times that

1407
01:37:33.240 --> 01:37:38.680
like his dad is actually like my son adores him. And there's

1408
01:37:38.680 --> 01:37:43.640
times I'm like, I don't know why. But I'm like, you know

1409
01:37:43.640 --> 01:37:52.080
what? For the sake of my son. Isn't that how I want my child

1410
01:37:52.080 --> 01:37:56.800
to see his dad? Because that's a that's a part of who he is.

1411
01:37:57.320 --> 01:38:00.960
Yeah. Like, like that was one thing that I had to get ahold of

1412
01:38:00.960 --> 01:38:07.120
is when you look at a child, they are part both parents.

1413
01:38:07.560 --> 01:38:15.120
Yep. And so it is being able to kind of pull out. And some days

1414
01:38:15.120 --> 01:38:20.040
it's really hard. Yeah, to pull out some of the really positive

1415
01:38:20.040 --> 01:38:24.760
things in that other person. Or like certain situations. Sorry,

1416
01:38:24.800 --> 01:38:29.960
um, recently, like I get what you're saying. And when I when I

1417
01:38:29.960 --> 01:38:33.760
get revelation of something, it takes two days for me to be

1418
01:38:33.760 --> 01:38:35.880
like, Oh, okay, let's not do that anymore. You know, I'm

1419
01:38:35.920 --> 01:38:41.320
saying? Yeah. But here recently, it's been like, I think some of

1420
01:38:41.320 --> 01:38:46.320
my emotions are still in there, like the how I'm dictating or

1421
01:38:46.320 --> 01:38:54.040
whatever. But it's been like, he he will do stuff that how do I

1422
01:38:54.040 --> 01:38:58.160
say like, he'll set for example, Saturday, he had a farm this

1423
01:38:58.160 --> 01:39:01.200
farmer's market thing because I launched this skincare business

1424
01:39:01.200 --> 01:39:04.400
or whatever. And we went to the farmer's market, he showed up,

1425
01:39:04.400 --> 01:39:07.160
he helped me or whatever. So that's also like a boundary that

1426
01:39:07.160 --> 01:39:09.520
I'm like, I don't really think you should like show up for me

1427
01:39:09.520 --> 01:39:13.240
anymore. Because then like, I get emotionally re intertwined

1428
01:39:13.240 --> 01:39:15.120
or whatever, like, oh, he's showing up, he's doing this,

1429
01:39:15.120 --> 01:39:17.480
he's doing that. So I'm like, we need boundaries. And whenever I

1430
01:39:17.480 --> 01:39:22.440
put boundaries, something in him, so once me around too, so

1431
01:39:22.440 --> 01:39:24.720
then he'll break those boundaries, right? But he still

1432
01:39:24.720 --> 01:39:29.320
doesn't want to commit. So we went to the farmer's market, he

1433
01:39:29.320 --> 01:39:31.760
helped me set up and I was like, but he was really distant. And I

1434
01:39:31.760 --> 01:39:34.640
was like, Okay, so we're playing games today. Okay. So

1435
01:39:34.640 --> 01:39:40.600
then, um, Monday, he took my daughter, and I had to find out

1436
01:39:40.600 --> 01:39:45.080
through Facebook, that he had his ex wife there, even though

1437
01:39:45.080 --> 01:39:49.640
she's engaged to somebody else. And his son was there, who's 19

1438
01:39:49.640 --> 01:39:52.760
or whatever. And then X. And this was someone that was kind

1439
01:39:52.760 --> 01:39:56.360
of intertwined. There was some like inappropriate. Yes, because

1440
01:39:56.360 --> 01:39:59.960
it was a pastor that I met my ex at this

1441
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.760
church that this pastor was the pastoring over now it's shut down now because of whatever

1442
01:40:03.760 --> 01:40:10.520
happened and that pastor tried to get with me and where I was I was like oh I'll flirt

1443
01:40:10.520 --> 01:40:14.480
back like nothing happened but I like flirted and whatever and this was even before me and

1444
01:40:14.480 --> 01:40:19.920
this guy got together but I was honest and I told him and everything but however that

1445
01:40:19.920 --> 01:40:26.040
was his pastor for like seven years so that was who he was up under and so he was at the

1446
01:40:26.040 --> 01:40:31.640
event and I was like why are you still talking to people like that you know and I guess that's

1447
01:40:31.640 --> 01:40:35.680
none of my business but then I was like and then why is my daughter in the background

1448
01:40:35.680 --> 01:40:41.360
of your little video of everybody and I can't control who he has around that's also something

1449
01:40:41.360 --> 01:40:46.600
I have to learn but at the same time I'm like dang like he really never respected me like

1450
01:40:46.600 --> 01:40:53.000
because how are you going to still hang around somebody like that and he just doesn't make

1451
01:40:53.480 --> 01:41:02.280
you're starting to the the mask is coming off the sheep wool like it's you're starting

1452
01:41:02.280 --> 01:41:07.520
to see like oh my goodness like you're starting to see the wolf behind the sheep's clothing

1453
01:41:07.520 --> 01:41:14.520
yes yes and so when you see that you're just like oh why didn't I see that and you know

1454
01:41:14.520 --> 01:41:19.880
like the best thing I can say is like don't beat yourself up but just recognize okay Lord

1455
01:41:19.880 --> 01:41:25.560
what is that spending time again that's where I say take the focus off of them and put your

1456
01:41:25.560 --> 01:41:33.160
focus back on the Lord so that's the issue so I've been solid I guess and then I was

1457
01:41:33.160 --> 01:41:38.880
the one trying to change it or the the constant battle going back and forth but like but wait

1458
01:41:38.880 --> 01:41:42.920
we were in worship together at 3 a.m. you're speaking in tongues and like really broken

1459
01:41:42.920 --> 01:41:47.240
before God and all these things and you get words of knowledge for people and people have

1460
01:41:47.240 --> 01:41:52.840
a breakthrough doing your worship but yet he's fake though like how you know and I that's

1461
01:41:52.840 --> 01:41:59.720
like the struggle I go through daily like because you're one person at church and amen

1462
01:41:59.720 --> 01:42:03.360
brother and amen this and amen that but then with me you're like it's like you're sleeping

1463
01:42:03.360 --> 01:42:10.160
with the enemy like but again that's because you're still shifting your focus on how he's

1464
01:42:10.160 --> 01:42:16.960
showing up okay you want him to you want him to be something that he's not or that

1465
01:42:16.960 --> 01:42:21.760
okay but then who is that at church though that's the fakeness that's what you're talking

1466
01:42:21.760 --> 01:42:27.040
about the wolf in sheep's clothing okay and then again and you have this and now you've

1467
01:42:27.040 --> 01:42:33.880
got this vulnerable tie because your child is involved and unfortunately like you can't

1468
01:42:33.880 --> 01:42:41.840
you can't do anything to change that yeah so it really is it's about you know showing

1469
01:42:41.840 --> 01:42:53.520
up for your daughter and in praying for her covering and like it really is a letting go

1470
01:42:53.520 --> 01:43:03.000
and trusting the Lord and really spend time at like ask yourself do you trust the Lord

1471
01:43:03.000 --> 01:43:12.280
with everything I mean and that's hard that was that's a hard thing especially like again

1472
01:43:12.280 --> 01:43:21.800
when we're a single parent I have to literally remove myself especially when when they're

1473
01:43:21.800 --> 01:43:31.080
baby babies remove yourself where they can't care for themselves yeah you are now putting

1474
01:43:31.080 --> 01:43:36.840
the well-being of your part half of your you know like part of you

1475
01:43:39.480 --> 01:43:46.440
into the care of someone else that you were like deceived me yeah and that's hard

1476
01:43:49.240 --> 01:44:00.200
but yes God the God yeah loves you and loves your child more than you love your child

1477
01:44:01.640 --> 01:44:10.600
yeah I mean I this is not I mean it's not a similar situation but my my son's dad left me

1478
01:44:11.480 --> 01:44:22.200
seven months pregnant to date he was I was 32 he was 30 he was 30 and the girl he left me for

1479
01:44:22.200 --> 01:44:30.440
was 20 and she had a child that was like a year and a half older than my the son we had and I

1480
01:44:30.440 --> 01:44:39.640
didn't know about her until my son was six months old but she like that happened before my son was

1481
01:44:39.640 --> 01:44:48.920
born and so that was always like when I would drop my child off even before I even knew it

1482
01:44:49.720 --> 01:44:57.560
there was another one woman caring for my child and I had no idea I know no idea and so I I mean

1483
01:44:57.560 --> 01:44:59.960
and I was in the heart work and I was having a really

1484
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:04.920
Assess and work through I had already gone through the heart where I mean that all happened before I entered the heart work

1485
01:45:05.520 --> 01:45:06.760
and

1486
01:45:06.760 --> 01:45:10.280
there were still times like I would see them on

1487
01:45:11.160 --> 01:45:14.540
Facebook and there was a person that I saw

1488
01:45:15.360 --> 01:45:17.720
was related to his

1489
01:45:19.200 --> 01:45:21.160
Girlfriend

1490
01:45:21.160 --> 01:45:23.160
who was

1491
01:45:24.000 --> 01:45:26.000
Into witchcraft in Satanism

1492
01:45:26.520 --> 01:45:28.520
But

1493
01:45:28.640 --> 01:45:30.640
Y'all

1494
01:45:31.400 --> 01:45:33.400
This is I was in heart work

1495
01:45:33.920 --> 01:45:35.920
Yeah, I'm like

1496
01:45:36.320 --> 01:45:41.280
whoa, like what am I supposed to do like that because I'm like like

1497
01:45:42.480 --> 01:45:46.880
He has no idea what he's spiritually inviting into our son's life

1498
01:45:46.880 --> 01:45:50.860
Like if my sons are I mean I did I did that whole like

1499
01:45:51.440 --> 01:45:55.280
What spiritual doors are opening up for my child?

1500
01:45:56.600 --> 01:46:00.720
He has I had my best friend she's like Carla

1501
01:46:04.080 --> 01:46:07.400
You know how to fight this spiritual battle

1502
01:46:10.000 --> 01:46:11.840
Stop allowing the enemy

1503
01:46:11.840 --> 01:46:15.840
Just sit there and get you worked up and fearful that that God doesn't have

1504
01:46:16.000 --> 01:46:19.480
Your son's best interests at heart and that there is no protection for him

1505
01:46:19.480 --> 01:46:25.700
She's like you pray the armor of God over your child every time he leaves that house

1506
01:46:27.000 --> 01:46:32.520
Yeah, that's true. He's like are you praying? Are you praying Ephesians over your son?

1507
01:46:33.160 --> 01:46:35.160
When you drop him off

1508
01:46:35.920 --> 01:46:40.080
She's like that's your that's you being obedient to the Lord

1509
01:46:41.120 --> 01:46:43.120
Wow, yeah, you can't change

1510
01:46:44.040 --> 01:46:48.840
How his father shows up and who he puts in contact with your kid?

1511
01:46:49.360 --> 01:46:56.120
Yeah, like that that should not keep you from being obedient to God and what God has called you to do and that is to

1512
01:46:56.120 --> 01:46:58.120
cover your son and

1513
01:46:58.840 --> 01:47:02.320
She's like you step in that authority and you know

1514
01:47:02.320 --> 01:47:08.200
Like you can't you give all authority to God when your child is out of your care

1515
01:47:08.840 --> 01:47:12.400
Because guess what Carla she's like when kids 18, you're gonna have to do that

1516
01:47:13.200 --> 01:47:20.240
You're getting prepped for that, yeah, that's true and so I want you to start taking authority

1517
01:47:21.120 --> 01:47:24.560
of what you've what God has given you

1518
01:47:27.720 --> 01:47:33.480
You don't you don't keep your eyes on his dad and what his dad is doing. Oh, he's got all these God

1519
01:47:33.480 --> 01:47:38.880
Why are you blessing him with words of knowledge and everybody thinks he's so wonderful and fantastic and I know who he is and nobody

1520
01:47:38.880 --> 01:47:40.880
Guess what?

1521
01:47:41.680 --> 01:47:46.400
The Lord sorts all of that out it's not it's not ours it's not our responsibility

1522
01:47:47.680 --> 01:47:51.680
God's blessed you as a mother and

1523
01:47:52.680 --> 01:47:54.680
that little girl

1524
01:47:55.240 --> 01:47:59.360
Needs you to be that spiritual covering for her and that's exactly what you're gonna do

1525
01:47:59.880 --> 01:48:06.320
Regardless of who her father is and you are going to be obedient to the Lord and you are gonna be obedient to God

1526
01:48:06.320 --> 01:48:11.320
You're going to be obedient to the Lord and you are gonna walk in who he's called you to be and

1527
01:48:12.640 --> 01:48:17.360
You're gonna get the healing that you need so that you can continue to move forward

1528
01:48:18.520 --> 01:48:24.120
Yeah, what he decides his free will his choice is on him and guess what you get to pray for him

1529
01:48:24.920 --> 01:48:27.960
Yeah, I still pray for my son's dad. Yeah

1530
01:48:27.960 --> 01:48:29.960
I

1531
01:48:32.200 --> 01:48:34.080
Don't really like to

1532
01:48:34.080 --> 01:48:39.560
Yeah, I'm glad you said though about being obedient like covering her and stuff cuz I do that

1533
01:48:40.000 --> 01:48:43.680
I'm not gonna say I'm perfect into it every single time. No, of course not

1534
01:48:44.360 --> 01:48:45.640
but

1535
01:48:45.640 --> 01:48:52.600
God gives me dreams too, and he's been showing me certain things like warnings, which is so just kind of intertwines

1536
01:48:53.600 --> 01:48:58.840
Because I know that the Lord warns me in dreams and so I take it seriously and even when I

1537
01:48:59.680 --> 01:49:04.880
Comment to him because there's still I don't know why there's that still that openness about me with him

1538
01:49:04.880 --> 01:49:07.360
Like I'll have a dream and I'm like, hey, how do you about the baby?

1539
01:49:07.360 --> 01:49:12.440
I just want to show you like tell you about it because you know, I'm prophetic you're prophetic like you love God

1540
01:49:12.440 --> 01:49:12.880
I love God

1541
01:49:12.880 --> 01:49:19.280
So like maybe we can kind of tag-team prayer or like I'm warning you because he's warning me on what's coming or whatever

1542
01:49:19.640 --> 01:49:22.840
Yeah, I always have dreams where he

1543
01:49:24.360 --> 01:49:30.120
Recently it's like he's more nonchalant about certain things. Like my daughter will be in danger and

1544
01:49:32.560 --> 01:49:36.600
Like an example there was like this really quick there was a parking lot there was a

1545
01:49:37.360 --> 01:49:40.400
Tall white guy. He said he's had a dream about a white guy, too

1546
01:49:40.400 --> 01:49:44.660
It's like like the baby's diaper off or whatever and I was like, whoa, that's crazy, right?

1547
01:49:44.660 --> 01:49:47.880
And so I had a dream about a guy in a parking lot didn't know who he was

1548
01:49:47.880 --> 01:49:49.320
He was looking at me crazy

1549
01:49:49.320 --> 01:49:51.320
and the baby was kind of

1550
01:49:51.720 --> 01:49:56.440
walking away from me and didn't have my hand and she fell into like this drain like

1551
01:49:56.760 --> 01:50:00.120
It was supposed to be covered and it wasn't and she fell

1552
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:03.000
But when I looked down, there was no current.

1553
01:50:03.000 --> 01:50:05.280
The water didn't look deep, it didn't look dirty,

1554
01:50:05.280 --> 01:50:06.120
nothing like that.

1555
01:50:06.120 --> 01:50:08.720
It just, but it's, you know, she got swept away.

1556
01:50:08.720 --> 01:50:10.240
And I was like, well, regarding her age,

1557
01:50:10.240 --> 01:50:12.700
and even though it's like ankle deep water and it's clean,

1558
01:50:12.700 --> 01:50:14.320
I still gotta go after her.

1559
01:50:14.320 --> 01:50:18.820
And so a friend of mine was like, it looks safe.

1560
01:50:18.820 --> 01:50:21.280
It looks a certain way, but it's not.

1561
01:50:21.280 --> 01:50:22.600
And you still went after her.

1562
01:50:22.600 --> 01:50:25.480
And I literally handed her dad the phone

1563
01:50:25.480 --> 01:50:27.640
and was like, here, cause you just stood there.

1564
01:50:27.640 --> 01:50:29.040
And was just like, whatever, you know?

1565
01:50:29.040 --> 01:50:30.520
And I was like, no, I gotta go after her.

1566
01:50:30.520 --> 01:50:33.200
Here's my phone, I'm going after her, you know?

1567
01:50:33.200 --> 01:50:34.920
So he's a little bit more nonchalant

1568
01:50:34.920 --> 01:50:37.920
when it comes to people and situations

1569
01:50:37.920 --> 01:50:39.220
and people that do witchcraft.

1570
01:50:39.220 --> 01:50:41.120
But he's like, oh, but yeah, but they can come to Christ.

1571
01:50:41.120 --> 01:50:43.720
And this is what my Facebook page is for and blah, blah, blah.

1572
01:50:43.720 --> 01:50:45.200
And so I'm like, okay.

1573
01:50:45.200 --> 01:50:47.980
But again, I want you to, I want you to listen.

1574
01:50:47.980 --> 01:50:52.520
Like I, like discerning and getting those dreams,

1575
01:50:52.520 --> 01:50:55.520
you know how to spiritually fight those battles.

1576
01:50:55.520 --> 01:50:56.760
No, that's what I'm saying.

1577
01:50:56.760 --> 01:50:57.600
That's why I'm like, yeah.

1578
01:50:57.920 --> 01:50:59.520
And that's what you get to do.

1579
01:51:00.680 --> 01:51:04.640
What will happen if you're not careful

1580
01:51:06.160 --> 01:51:09.960
is that the enemy will want to use what the enemy

1581
01:51:09.960 --> 01:51:14.000
or what God is trying to give to you

1582
01:51:14.000 --> 01:51:16.480
so that you can fight spiritual,

1583
01:51:16.480 --> 01:51:17.960
like despite the spiritual battle,

1584
01:51:17.960 --> 01:51:21.120
like you can, you know, pray over your daughter.

1585
01:51:21.120 --> 01:51:23.960
The enemy is gonna want to twist it to put fear in you.

1586
01:51:25.360 --> 01:51:26.320
Oh, okay, okay, okay.

1587
01:51:26.320 --> 01:51:27.800
Now you're operating in fear.

1588
01:51:27.800 --> 01:51:30.320
You're not operating out of discernment

1589
01:51:30.320 --> 01:51:31.880
because now you're fearful.

1590
01:51:33.520 --> 01:51:35.680
God is not gonna give you a dream of discernment

1591
01:51:35.680 --> 01:51:38.000
and then make you be fearful.

1592
01:51:38.000 --> 01:51:38.840
Yeah, yeah.

1593
01:51:39.840 --> 01:51:42.000
You're just gonna be like, thank you, Jesus,

1594
01:51:42.000 --> 01:51:43.600
that you've given me this discernment.

1595
01:51:43.600 --> 01:51:45.680
I'm gonna pray over my child.

1596
01:51:45.680 --> 01:51:47.000
I know you protect me.

1597
01:51:47.000 --> 01:51:50.580
You allow me to see this because you've got me.

1598
01:51:50.580 --> 01:51:52.600
You love my child.

1599
01:51:52.600 --> 01:51:53.800
You love me.

1600
01:51:53.800 --> 01:51:55.560
We've got this.

1601
01:51:55.560 --> 01:51:57.680
Thank you, Jesus.

1602
01:51:57.680 --> 01:51:58.520
And guess what?

1603
01:51:58.520 --> 01:52:02.200
You get to go pray in the spirit for that.

1604
01:52:02.200 --> 01:52:03.160
Yeah.

1605
01:52:03.160 --> 01:52:05.660
And then you release it.

1606
01:52:05.660 --> 01:52:06.500
Yep.

1607
01:52:06.500 --> 01:52:08.400
And then you have that peace

1608
01:52:08.400 --> 01:52:10.360
that surpasses all understanding.

1609
01:52:10.360 --> 01:52:13.600
But if you catch yourself sitting here

1610
01:52:13.600 --> 01:52:17.820
in the anxiousness and the fear, guess what?

1611
01:52:19.080 --> 01:52:21.360
The enemy just took what God meant to give you

1612
01:52:21.360 --> 01:52:24.720
for discernment and he used it.

1613
01:52:24.760 --> 01:52:25.600
Yeah.

1614
01:52:25.600 --> 01:52:27.400
And he got you entangled.

1615
01:52:27.400 --> 01:52:28.480
Right.

1616
01:52:28.480 --> 01:52:30.120
And now you're just playing the game.

1617
01:52:30.120 --> 01:52:32.440
And he's just sitting there thinking, look, look, look.

1618
01:52:32.440 --> 01:52:34.400
See, look, God's giving you this

1619
01:52:34.400 --> 01:52:36.200
and now I'm getting to play

1620
01:52:36.200 --> 01:52:38.360
all these little puppet strings for you.

1621
01:52:38.360 --> 01:52:39.640
Yeah, yeah.

1622
01:52:39.640 --> 01:52:41.640
But you don't get to,

1623
01:52:41.640 --> 01:52:46.400
like, you just get to thank God that he's given you gifts.

1624
01:52:46.400 --> 01:52:47.240
Yeah.

1625
01:52:47.240 --> 01:52:50.680
And you get to pray and fight it in the spirit

1626
01:52:50.680 --> 01:52:51.620
and that's it.

1627
01:52:52.960 --> 01:52:53.880
So hold on to that.

1628
01:52:53.880 --> 01:52:55.440
I want you to start recognizing

1629
01:52:55.440 --> 01:52:57.280
when you're operating in fear

1630
01:52:58.120 --> 01:53:01.920
and when you're operating in God's peace.

1631
01:53:01.920 --> 01:53:03.160
Okay.

1632
01:53:03.160 --> 01:53:05.080
Okay, and catch that.

1633
01:53:05.080 --> 01:53:07.600
All right, but it's time to jump off.

1634
01:53:08.960 --> 01:53:10.440
Thank you so much, ladies.

1635
01:53:10.440 --> 01:53:13.600
All right, Eloise, I'm looking at your message right now.

1636
01:53:17.600 --> 01:53:20.040
Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry about your car wreck.

1637
01:53:20.040 --> 01:53:22.280
Girl, I think you're in Texas.

1638
01:53:22.280 --> 01:53:23.600
Those Texas drivers.

1639
01:53:24.880 --> 01:53:28.880
I am in Texas.

1640
01:53:28.880 --> 01:53:30.440
Yes.

1641
01:53:30.440 --> 01:53:33.080
Girl, these Texas drivers are insane.

1642
01:53:34.360 --> 01:53:36.400
We're definitely praying over you

1643
01:53:36.400 --> 01:53:39.160
and I'm so glad that you were able to hop on.

1644
01:53:39.160 --> 01:53:40.520
I mean, even when you can't hop on,

1645
01:53:40.520 --> 01:53:43.320
we always have this in replay as well.

1646
01:53:43.320 --> 01:53:46.560
So just know that's always there.

1647
01:53:46.560 --> 01:53:47.780
Just go on the replay.

1648
01:53:48.760 --> 01:53:50.400
Okay, I didn't know that.

1649
01:53:50.760 --> 01:53:55.680
Mm-hmm, and yeah, just keep showing up, girl.

1650
01:53:55.680 --> 01:53:59.160
And share with us in the ad what God's putting on your heart,

1651
01:53:59.160 --> 01:54:03.480
like what it is that you feel that he wants you to work on

1652
01:54:03.480 --> 01:54:06.680
and we got you.

1653
01:54:06.680 --> 01:54:08.320
I think I met you in Austin.

1654
01:54:10.320 --> 01:54:11.280
Did we?

1655
01:54:11.280 --> 01:54:14.840
Yes, I think you came in Austin.

1656
01:54:15.800 --> 01:54:17.320
Yeah, I was there.

1657
01:54:17.320 --> 01:54:21.920
Yes, so, but yeah, you just hop on whenever you can

1658
01:54:21.920 --> 01:54:23.720
and we're praying for you.

1659
01:54:23.720 --> 01:54:28.680
And yeah, we're always here at one o'clock and seven.

1660
01:54:28.680 --> 01:54:32.160
Well, it's 12 o'clock our time and seven o'clock our time.

1661
01:54:32.160 --> 01:54:34.000
That's central time.

1662
01:54:34.000 --> 01:54:37.400
One o'clock Eastern, eight o'clock Eastern.

1663
01:54:37.400 --> 01:54:38.880
Yeah, yeah.

1664
01:54:38.880 --> 01:54:43.560
So I'm still working on the first seven dates.

1665
01:54:44.560 --> 01:54:49.560
And so, and I don't know any of the dating sites.

1666
01:54:53.280 --> 01:54:54.440
I did that years ago.

1667
01:54:54.440 --> 01:54:55.760
It was not successful.

1668
01:54:55.760 --> 01:54:59.320
So I don't know of any of the ones that are going now

1669
01:54:59.320 --> 01:55:00.160
and all that.

1670
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:09.280
sort of stuff. Are you on Facebook? Oh yeah. I, I had good luck with Facebook dating. I

1671
01:55:09.280 --> 01:55:16.720
know Renee did. I know Bethany did. I know Ebony's used Facebook dating. You can start

1672
01:55:16.720 --> 01:55:23.840
there. And again, there's not like, you don't have to stress out about the seven dates again,

1673
01:55:23.840 --> 01:55:28.200
just release that to the Lord and just literally hand him the pen and be like, okay, Lord,

1674
01:55:28.200 --> 01:55:34.240
you're going to make this happen and I'm just going to step into, you know, imperfect action.

1675
01:55:34.240 --> 01:55:41.120
So what can I do today? Yeah. So yeah, I've, I've had several conversations. I've never

1676
01:55:41.120 --> 01:55:47.560
met a stranger, so that's not difficult for me. So, um, uh, and I'm in some Christian

1677
01:55:47.560 --> 01:55:55.720
singles groups in the Dallas, Fort Worth area and stuff. So, um, but, uh, I just, so where

1678
01:55:55.720 --> 01:56:01.120
do you find the Facebook dating thing? Um, so when you're on your page, I think it will

1679
01:56:01.120 --> 01:56:08.560
probably be under settings. Um, probably under settings and there's like, it will have a

1680
01:56:08.560 --> 01:56:13.720
dating or like a little heart. I'd have to do some research and figure out like where

1681
01:56:13.720 --> 01:56:20.620
that is, whether you're on your phone or on the, on your desktop. But I think even if

1682
01:56:20.620 --> 01:56:25.980
you would just Google like how to, how to set up Facebook dating, it should give you

1683
01:56:25.980 --> 01:56:32.820
probably instructions. Dating app for, for Facebook. Yeah. Just be like, how do I, how

1684
01:56:32.820 --> 01:56:41.460
do I, um, sign up for Facebook dating? Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, I've got to go. Um,

1685
01:56:41.460 --> 01:56:46.700
but ladies have a blessed rest of your day. Definitely jump on Ebony's call tonight. If

1686
01:56:46.700 --> 01:56:52.260
you can make it, watch it and replay as well. It's been a pleasure. I hope you ladies have

1687
01:56:52.260 --> 01:56:57.380
a fabulous week and definitely keep coming to app and share us, um, share with us all,

1688
01:56:57.380 --> 01:57:00.260
all that you're experiencing. Okay. Talk to you ladies soon.