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everything that's going on. Let's pray. Father God, I thank you for every one of these ladies. I

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thank you Lord God that you always have a blessing in store for us. That means you always have

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goodness stored up. The Bible says that in heaven there is a storehouse of goodness and so we just

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thank you for that storehouse and I ask that you pull from it on tonight through words of wisdom,

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through understanding, helping us get to the expected place on time, no delays. We thank you

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that things are coming early. We declare it. We claim it to be so in Jesus name. Amen.

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Amen. Well, if there's anyone new, I call that for you. Wave at me. If not,

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if you are, then wave. Welcome. I just want you guys to remember that this phase is for you to

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receive and I hope that you enjoy receiving. If there's anything that you need that you're not

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able to get, please share with us so that we could be of highest help to you in your process.

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Don't forget that your video courses are under the tab. They're five total. You can watch one a week

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plus you have replays and lives. Don't forget about prayers every morning if you ladies want

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to join and it's really good. We have Supernatural Saturday which is always so good with Jackie

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and it's under the replay tab and we do offer one-on-one for a fee and so you're welcome to

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choose from any of our amazing coaches. We're all there ready to service you and yeah, those are all

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the announcements and updates. Before we get started, not if you have any dating or personal

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questions that we're going to get to the coaching part, do you have any questions about the program?

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Anything you need to ask, say, you can just unmute and go for it.

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Okay, well good. Oh, go for it. Sorry, if we put something in the chat and then

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one of the leaders responds and asks us a question,

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should we respond to the question or start a new chat? I haven't figured that out.

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Well, the thing is for our system is having glitchy issues so put at that person's name

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Carla or Ebony and see if that will allow it to pop up for us to see it and let's just say

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after a day or two you didn't get any response and I'm sorry y'all have to do so much work for this

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but I put at and I don't know how to make your names appear. I don't know why it doesn't work

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for me but there are other people who post and put at and it immediately comes to me.

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So if you put at and you don't see any response, try making a new post. Oh, it's only for the

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initial post that works. Thanks Nadine and if it doesn't work, create a new post and say hey,

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I responded, check out the post. You don't have to repost the response, just say I responded,

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can somebody check out the post? Create a new one, put at somebody's name, whoever you want

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or both names and just say I responded to your post. They'll be best because sometimes we have

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to look for a couple of days to find some of them literally and so we are truly sorry about that but

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we want to respond and sometimes they're urgent so try to put you know at on there as soon as you

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can and so we can respond to you especially if you got something you got to answer to that night

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or you need a response, we can try to get there as quickly as possible. Yeah, sounds great.

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It's good. Good. Thanks. Good, good. So tonight I'm gonna set a timer because I want to do 20

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minutes. I don't want to go over 20 minutes but we're going to be talking about early dating

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and this is going to be about discernment versus emotional and spiritual other investments or

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over investing. So this is in early dating, you have to create discernment versus emotional and

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spiritual over investment. So this brings up the question, what is healthy dating? Okay,

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a lot of times when we start dating especially because you ladies are on a faith journey,

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we really lean in heavy to what feels spiritual. It's just so happened that spiritual feels really

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fast for some reason and it feels like an instant connection and you check all of my boxes and I

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believe it's the Lord. Now it's not a coincidence this happens for every single woman. I said I

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want you to hear this pattern because we are walking by faith and we do believe in sudden

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here and we do believe that things are accelerated for you.

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And this is what you hear all the time.

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It's so easy for this to become muddy water for you,

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because when someone takes an interest in you, it feels good.

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Now, if nobody else agrees, I know how it feels.

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And it's exciting to get to know a new person.

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It's exciting that somebody is calling you.

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It's exciting that they're texting you.

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It's exciting that they want to know

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something about you and you want to know something about them.

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So you got to think that you've got a lot of excitement going on.

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All right. Got a lot of excitement.

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You just got out of Supernatural Saturday.

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It's coming early. Expect early.

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Expect early. Then somebody shows up.

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So it's very easy for these early dating experiences.

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Yeah, they do. I'll take care of that.

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I just thought it would take care of itself and I wouldn't have to.

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Sorry.

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All right, that's better.

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So it's so easy for these early

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dating experiences to get really muddy, really

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confusing, and what what happens is

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if you believe that there's some type

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of spiritual connection that you move too quickly in it, if you believe it's some

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type of emotional connection, if it happens very quickly,

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we sometimes associate that with intensity.

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We believe because of the intensity, it must be spiritual.

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It must be God.

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It must be a match, and you can think I want you to think about when you start

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talking to somebody and it's intense, this has happened once for me.

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It has happened for me.

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It has happened for a lot of women

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because we confuse intense with spiritual.

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Right, or intense with any will make an

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emotional connection or attachment out of that intensity.

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And so because what's the so what happens is you need to be grounded.

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We need to be grounded in truth.

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Hear me, I don't care how spiritual it is.

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It should not lack wisdom.

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The more wisdom that it lacks, the less spiritual it is.

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All right, the Bible says in the book of Proverbs,

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there are two voices that call out to you.

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One is called foolish and one is called wisdom.

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OK.

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We use wisdom to build a house, Christ said, before you even follow me,

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go count up the cost.

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There's no way you're going to get in a relationship or talk to somebody the first

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time and you haven't counted up the cost, you can't count up the cost because you

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don't know them.

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You literally do not know them, you only know what they told you and what

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they told you sounds good, but it's not a good enough to build on.

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You still could be on sink and sand.

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Because it takes a process for this, so

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what happens is we usually when we misread that intensity for something

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spiritual, we make an emotional attachment too soon.

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We will over invest too quickly.

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And even though you may not over invest

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with your words is something about your heart, little pieces of your heart that

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you hope you had, you'll kind of sprinkle it over there and you usually don't know

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it until they do something to reject you or they ghost you.

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And all of a sudden you feel something had left you, but you didn't know it left.

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Has anybody ever experienced that?

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You're talking to them and when they ghost you, it hurts so bad.

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But I think somewhere in that little

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time frame, one day, two day, three days, something left our heart.

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We gave over something too soon

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because we weren't grounded in wisdom and in truth.

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This doesn't take a special type of woman.

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This doesn't take a skilled type of woman.

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It takes the type of woman that's sitting

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in this coaching group that has access to every one of Jackie's teaching.

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That's the woman, the equipped woman.

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The woman who has come into the understanding

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of wisdom given to them through a program, this program.

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You can't be, you cannot be bamboozled, you cannot be tricked.

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I am telling you that you are like what they call bulletproof.

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You are trick proof.

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Whenever you have wisdom.

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No one can deceive you.

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Wisdom and boundaries guard your heart.

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I don't care what someone has done to you

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in the past, this is not the past.

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This is now.

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You now have knowledge and access

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to understanding that you didn't have in the past.

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OK, so.

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Sometimes we misread intensity as connection and it's so easy to do that and intensity feels so

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good and it feels a lot like connection. I'm telling you ladies it really feels like connection

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and it happens very early on and I want you to hear me because if you've dated anybody before

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you felt this before. It's intense and intensity feels like connection but it's not and it's hard

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for me very hard for me even me to tell myself this is not connection. This is not spiritual.

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I have to submit myself to an order that says hey this is not wisdom. What you thinking about

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Ebony? I don't care how good it feels and I'm telling you my self-talk so you can borrow it

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if you need to. No matter how good it feels

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this ain't it. You don't know them. You literally do not know them. You don't know them. You've only

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text them. You know you've only done one FaceTime. You really don't know them and I say that to

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myself over and over and over again because it feels like a connection okay and then what happens

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is you try to build something with someone who hasn't shown consistency yet.

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You need that track record of consistency before you release anything into someone else's hand

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that belongs to you to steward. You need a track record of consistency and I'm not talking about

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no two or three days. He said he's gonna call and he called. Everybody's excited in the first week.

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That's an exciting time. Everybody wants to get phone wasted. Yes I want to talk to you all night.

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I know I gotta go to work but let's just talk okay. Everybody wants to text. Everybody likes to

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see their phone go ding and everybody's around you don't know that you're getting a text from

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somebody like this is a real thing and so I don't want you to ever feel like you're wrong for the

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feelings that you're having. I'm sharing with you exposing my process and some of the other

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ladies process so we can agree that this is a real thing and you can give yourself grace when

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the ding comes up giggle at it because it does feel good and when you recognize that it feels

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good say but hey I don't know them yet. So you cannot suppress how you're actually feeling and

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try to override it with some truth. No embrace what you're experiencing and then lay the truth out.

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Don't deny yourself because that will cause you to actually move away from your discernment.

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If you you need to stay stay grounded in yourself so you can stay within discernment.

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So you can say yep that feel real good but I ain't gonna let you pick me up.

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Don't deny that it would be nice but no we're not gonna do that. That's not what's best right. So

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you want to stay in discernment. The way you stay in discernment is to stay grounded and tell

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yourself the truth. Tell yourself how you feel. That's perfectly fine. So let's talk about when

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it feels spiritual but it's actually unstable right. It feels spiritual but it's actually unstable.

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You can know it feels spiritual but it's actually unstable if you only know the person a few hours,

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a few days, a few weeks. When a person says to you I pray for someone like you,

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I think God has answered me. How many of you guys have heard a man say that like

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first day two days and we always hear that men know first. Men always know when they meet the

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woman. You've even heard men say it like I already knew. I already knew when I talked to her. So you

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that really gets crossed over in your mind because they're like I've been looking for somebody like

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you just kind of white but I when they say that I want you to say to yourself but they don't even

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know me. Think about all the places when this happens I want you to bring yourself in real

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time. It's happened to me a number of times so that's why I'm telling you this is what I do.

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I said that's so interesting they want me to be their wife. I bet they don't know I struggle with

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A and B and C and D. I bet you they knew that they wouldn't want me to be their wife. I bet you they

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knew how disrespectful I could be. They don't want me to be their wife. I bet you don't know if I run

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over them like a bulldozer they wouldn't say the Lord told them I'm their wife. So I remind my own

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self of the truth about who I am and where I am in the areas that I need to grow and I say it'll all

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come out in the wash when they get to know me. I wonder they're gonna still be singing that same song.

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So it really helps you to bring some reality and truth to your soul.

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yourself up because it sounds so good it do feel good like yes i'm the one let's get married

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how i've longed to hear those words right so so all of this it feels so spirited so intense but

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it's not there's no consistency there yet you don't know them and it really and i know i keep

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expressing this it feels like you do but i'm telling you you don't okay and so when a man

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says this to you it's that that can that can be a challenge for you and so you're gonna have to

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process through the way i just did and i hope that i'm able to help you and you fill in your

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own thoughts with it okay that somebody meets you and says you you're the type of woman i pray for

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after they looked at your resume after y'all talk about everything you do in ministry everything

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they do in ministry and how you've always dreamed of doing an orphanage and they've always dreamed

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of doing an orphanage i was literally talking to a guy he said it's so crazy everything this is the

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first time i talked to him everything that you want to do are things that i already like to do

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i said well wow but he doesn't have any dating coaching he's not been in a program before

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but for him and so that's another thing i want to tap on this sometimes we believe because the

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man is at liberty to say all these things and do all these things that we have to jump on the

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bandwagon you have to remember that they've never been in coaching before they're not trying to

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manipulate you or even play you a lot of times this is how they learn to do relationships this

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is how they learn how to do dating move in fast the intensity feels good for both parties they're

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learning this new woman she pretty we we this is it i don't know if you know but y'all could talk

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you could talk to a person for one hour and feel like wow this is the one who's ever felt that

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before like the conversation was so good you kept talking it was so fun it seemed like you just

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clicked and when you get off the phone it seemed like you'd be kind of knowing them for about two

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weeks but it's been two hours like this is a real thing so i just want you to know how real that

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could be especially depending on how much you talk about in those two hours right and so um when

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somebody says this you you're the person i always wanted it sounds good to be chosen so what happens

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is you have to slow down right and you have to realize that this person don't know what they're

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talking about just because a man says to you and i hear this well i just talk to one person at a

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time and so now that i'm talking to you i'm really not worried about being on the app and you just

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say okay i understand everybody do things differently

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it's all right i'll answer that you just tell them okay i understand thanks for sharing

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right you cannot allow that to dictate something in you that you need to bring some type of a

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exclusivity to the table because that's something he's decided to do that's just the way he does

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things right and sometimes you have to be careful there's a scarcity mindset that a sneak in that

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sometimes you have to be careful there's a scarcity mindset that a sneak in that you don't hear it's

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an undertone well i better try to i mean if he did that maybe i should do that too i don't want to

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mess anything up if you listen closely it may be playing back there right or if he finds out that

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i'm talking to other people maybe he'll stop talking to me i mean he's serious this is really

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kind of what i want but he's never asked you to be exclusive with him he just told you that he's he

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just like to talk to one person at a time men share a lot very quickly let's just normalize

218
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that that's a real thing they literally share they will share their whole life with you in 30 minutes

219
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and a lot of times they're thinking let me just get this out the way so you can know i've been

220
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married two times i got demon children and me and her fell out because of this and this ain't

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working because of that and this happened this oh and i've been to jail one time i did this one time

222
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and you're like whoa whoa whoa whoa there's too much personal stuff because you're in the program

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and you know that's an overboard but they feel like if you don't want me say it right now because

224
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here i am and sometimes we take that as an invitation that we need to pour out more but

225
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it's just not true and even more so when you do start to pour out you notice they're not asking

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you questions about you so now you feel like they don't want to know anything about you

227
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and you're like they've asked me nothing about myself and i've taken all this interest in their world

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right

229
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It's just the process, it's just pacing.

230
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It could not mean anything.

231
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I actually, I felt like this guy one time

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wasn't asking me anything about myself.

233
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So I know how that feels, I'm not removed from it.

234
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And I was like, because of that,

235
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because he wasn't asking me anything about myself,

236
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what I did was I beefed up how much I was talking.

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I tried to fill in the gaps.

238
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I tried to keep the conversation going

239
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until I realized that that was causing me

240
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to be anxious and to over invest.

241
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And I could feel it in my nervous system.

242
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So I had to pace myself.

243
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You said, how do you pace yourself?

244
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In the moment, I had to calm myself down.

245
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I said, wait a minute, something's happening here.

246
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I feel like I'm working.

247
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I could feel myself working.

248
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And so what I said was I got my conversation together

249
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and I said, hey, I wanna share something with you.

250
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I said, when I talk to people,

251
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I really enjoy when they ask me questions.

252
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I said, for instance, like when we're talking,

253
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I enjoy if you ask me questions

254
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because I feel like when a person asks me questions

255
00:21:09.280 --> 00:21:10.780
that they're interested in me.

256
00:21:11.680 --> 00:21:14.000
And so just before I even said that,

257
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I prefaced the question, I was like,

258
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hey, are you enjoying getting to know me?

259
00:21:17.320 --> 00:21:18.520
He's like, yeah.

260
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I said, oh, so you are interested in getting to know me.

261
00:21:20.600 --> 00:21:21.960
He was like, of course.

262
00:21:21.960 --> 00:21:25.080
I said, well, I wanted to share this with you.

263
00:21:25.080 --> 00:21:29.040
When I talk, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

264
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And I always try to make sure I don't make I statements.

265
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I always try to make sure I don't tell a person what to do

266
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or tell them because they didn't do something.

267
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This is an accusation against them.

268
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All I'm saying is what I like and what I prefer.

269
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And I said it that way.

270
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He never had to give me an answer.

271
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I would look for performance.

272
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Don't really matter what you say.

273
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But what he did say to me was this.

274
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He said, can I tell you something?

275
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He said, well, I'm just chill.

276
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I'm just laid back.

277
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And I went trying to hit it.

278
00:21:55.520 --> 00:21:57.040
He said, well, can I share something with you?

279
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He said, it's going to be kind of personal.

280
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And I said, well, you know, go for it.

281
00:22:00.520 --> 00:22:04.360
He said, I actually suffer with, I deal with rejection a lot.

282
00:22:04.360 --> 00:22:06.840
He said, I've gotten much better.

283
00:22:06.840 --> 00:22:11.640
He said, but sometimes I am concerned about asking something

284
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because I may get rejected.

285
00:22:13.480 --> 00:22:16.080
And he said, I think that's what you're seeing.

286
00:22:16.080 --> 00:22:17.600
And I thought that was so good.

287
00:22:17.600 --> 00:22:19.760
And I made a note of it so that I could share

288
00:22:19.760 --> 00:22:22.440
because I had never processed the fact that a person,

289
00:22:22.440 --> 00:22:25.200
when he said that, oh, that made complete sense.

290
00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:28.680
But he said, I feel like I'm going to be rejected

291
00:22:28.680 --> 00:22:29.520
if I ask certain things.

292
00:22:29.520 --> 00:22:33.600
He said, so what I do is I chill and I just watch

293
00:22:33.600 --> 00:22:36.360
and I just observe and I kind of just go with the flow.

294
00:22:37.400 --> 00:22:39.160
He said, but I hear what you're saying

295
00:22:39.160 --> 00:22:41.560
and it's not because I'm not interested in you.

296
00:22:42.880 --> 00:22:45.840
And I just said, okay, now it doesn't mean

297
00:22:45.840 --> 00:22:47.120
that I'm not going to be observing to see

298
00:22:47.120 --> 00:22:48.480
if he don't ask me more questions

299
00:22:48.480 --> 00:22:50.640
because he got to get past himself, right?

300
00:22:50.640 --> 00:22:52.000
That's just me saying like,

301
00:22:52.000 --> 00:22:54.560
what is your ability to get above yourself?

302
00:22:55.480 --> 00:22:59.080
But I thought it was interesting to hear

303
00:22:59.080 --> 00:23:01.160
and I'd like to pass that on to you all.

304
00:23:01.160 --> 00:23:03.480
So when pacing is going really fast,

305
00:23:03.480 --> 00:23:06.160
we slow down by slowing us down first.

306
00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:07.760
We remind ourselves of truth

307
00:23:08.600 --> 00:23:11.840
that I don't know this person, we're not there yet.

308
00:23:11.840 --> 00:23:14.480
We bring ourselves subject to the boundaries

309
00:23:14.480 --> 00:23:17.160
that we put in place in this program

310
00:23:17.160 --> 00:23:20.800
or put boundaries that you have for yourself.

311
00:23:20.800 --> 00:23:23.640
Everybody should have some boundaries that they adhere to.

312
00:23:25.720 --> 00:23:28.760
And I say should with a strong should,

313
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because if you don't have any boundaries

314
00:23:30.560 --> 00:23:34.680
or order that you come under, then what are you doing?

315
00:23:34.680 --> 00:23:37.400
Are you a city without walls?

316
00:23:37.400 --> 00:23:39.600
Whereas anybody can come in and out.

317
00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:43.440
Well, he felt like maybe in the past,

318
00:23:43.440 --> 00:23:45.240
he's been rejected for asking questions.

319
00:23:45.240 --> 00:23:47.040
Somebody said, wait, what?

320
00:23:47.040 --> 00:23:49.240
He'd be rejected for asking questions?

321
00:23:50.320 --> 00:23:51.600
I don't think I understand.

322
00:23:51.600 --> 00:23:53.440
I believe I have,

323
00:23:53.440 --> 00:23:55.320
have you ever want to say something to somebody

324
00:23:55.320 --> 00:23:56.680
about how you feel, but you're scared

325
00:23:56.680 --> 00:23:58.480
if you say they're gonna reject you?

326
00:23:59.440 --> 00:24:00.720
Have you ever been talking to a guy

327
00:24:00.720 --> 00:24:02.000
and you really want to express yourself,

328
00:24:02.000 --> 00:24:03.480
but you're like, I ain't gonna say that.

329
00:24:03.480 --> 00:24:04.320
I'm not going to ask

330
00:24:04.320 --> 00:24:06.160
because I don't know what you're gonna say back.

331
00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:07.760
Or if you ever want to have a hard conversation

332
00:24:07.760 --> 00:24:09.640
with somebody and it really was your truth,

333
00:24:09.640 --> 00:24:11.080
but you didn't say anything.

334
00:24:12.080 --> 00:24:15.360
I think that's what he's talking about.

335
00:24:17.720 --> 00:24:19.560
I don't know what he could have wanted to ask.

336
00:24:19.560 --> 00:24:20.880
Now I'm thinking to myself,

337
00:24:20.880 --> 00:24:22.040
the simple stuff like,

338
00:24:22.040 --> 00:24:26.440
oh, you know, maybe do you enjoy work?

339
00:24:26.440 --> 00:24:28.480
Now I do believe he lacked communication,

340
00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:32.520
ability to communicate, right?

341
00:24:32.520 --> 00:24:34.360
So let's not say that that's not there,

342
00:24:34.360 --> 00:24:38.120
but I believe he was telling the truth about what he said.

343
00:24:38.120 --> 00:24:40.880
However, he may lack some communication skills.

344
00:24:41.680 --> 00:24:44.040
A lot of times men do lack communication skills,

345
00:24:45.880 --> 00:24:49.680
but I think sometimes people just be nervous

346
00:24:49.680 --> 00:24:50.920
and as they get to know you better,

347
00:24:50.920 --> 00:24:52.640
maybe they'll ask more questions.

348
00:24:52.640 --> 00:24:54.240
I don't know what his experience has been

349
00:24:54.240 --> 00:24:55.520
with asking questions.

350
00:24:55.520 --> 00:24:57.920
I remember the first day we started getting to know each other

351
00:24:57.920 --> 00:25:00.120
he did ask questions, but it seems like.

352
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.000
They kind of fell out. I hope that helps.

353
00:25:02.200 --> 00:25:04.080
But this is not to excuse.

354
00:25:04.280 --> 00:25:08.280
Look, don't take this as if somebody don't ask me questions, then it's OK.

355
00:25:08.280 --> 00:25:09.920
They may be feeling rejected and you keep

356
00:25:09.920 --> 00:25:11.760
talking to them because you're not going to keep talking to somebody.

357
00:25:11.760 --> 00:25:13.560
Don't ask you questions about yourself.

358
00:25:13.760 --> 00:25:17.160
You're going to you're going to conclude that they don't they're not interested

359
00:25:17.360 --> 00:25:20.120
in you and I don't care how interested they say they are.

360
00:25:20.320 --> 00:25:22.000
In a week time, if they don't ask you

361
00:25:22.200 --> 00:25:25.920
nothing about you and you have to carry every conversation,

362
00:25:26.120 --> 00:25:27.680
nobody's going to listen.

363
00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:28.960
That's hard to hold up to.

364
00:25:29.160 --> 00:25:30.760
You're going to stop talking.

365
00:25:30.960 --> 00:25:32.200
You're going to talk to them less.

366
00:25:32.400 --> 00:25:33.600
That's a heavy load to carry.

367
00:25:33.800 --> 00:25:35.840
I've tried it before. That's hard.

368
00:25:36.040 --> 00:25:38.240
So how do we slow down?

369
00:25:38.440 --> 00:25:44.120
We use discernment and we say if somebody says I pray for someone like you,

370
00:25:44.320 --> 00:25:47.600
I always want to meet somebody like you, you remind yourself of the truth.

371
00:25:47.800 --> 00:25:50.560
And remember that any statement like this

372
00:25:50.760 --> 00:25:54.440
and you don't know a person is very premature.

373
00:25:54.640 --> 00:25:59.480
It's premature emotionally and it is a spiritual attachment.

374
00:25:59.680 --> 00:26:01.520
That's why we encourage you not to read

375
00:26:01.720 --> 00:26:04.240
the Bible together, not to send scriptures to each other,

376
00:26:04.440 --> 00:26:08.720
not to pray together early on, because that creates a spiritual attachment.

377
00:26:08.920 --> 00:26:15.240
And you believe you know them by the spirit and everything else is OK.

378
00:26:15.680 --> 00:26:18.280
It's something about when we feel like we know a person by the spirit,

379
00:26:18.480 --> 00:26:21.320
that's who they are, listen, you can know them by the spirit.

380
00:26:21.320 --> 00:26:22.520
And what you don't know,

381
00:26:22.520 --> 00:26:27.080
it's going to take them 10 years to develop a way to communicate.

382
00:26:27.280 --> 00:26:28.880
You can know somebody by the spirit.

383
00:26:28.880 --> 00:26:30.480
Have you ever looked at your life

384
00:26:30.680 --> 00:26:33.680
and seen how long it takes you to grow in one area?

385
00:26:33.880 --> 00:26:37.120
Look at your life, think about stuff you had to grow in

386
00:26:37.320 --> 00:26:40.160
and how long it took you to grow with the Lord.

387
00:26:40.360 --> 00:26:43.600
And when you chose, you didn't want to grow and you didn't want to deal with it

388
00:26:43.600 --> 00:26:44.880
and you didn't want to talk about it.

389
00:26:45.080 --> 00:26:47.840
And you look a year pass up, two years pass up.

390
00:26:48.040 --> 00:26:51.160
That's the same thing when you're talking to a guy and you're saying,

391
00:26:51.160 --> 00:26:54.800
I know you by the spirit, but you don't have any fruit.

392
00:26:55.000 --> 00:26:57.120
So Jackie teaches us that we are fruit

393
00:26:57.320 --> 00:27:03.880
inspectors, not spirit inspectors, because you need what's in the natural.

394
00:27:04.080 --> 00:27:11.040
When you're talking about the making a relationship work.

395
00:27:11.480 --> 00:27:16.400
I hope that I hope the ring makes sense there.

396
00:27:17.400 --> 00:27:20.400
Let's talk about this.

397
00:27:24.120 --> 00:27:26.640
Let's talk about early on.

398
00:27:26.840 --> 00:27:29.200
What's your role in the first week?

399
00:27:29.400 --> 00:27:35.320
Your role in the first week is not to repair misunderstanding is not to be

400
00:27:35.520 --> 00:27:38.920
spiritually aligned in connection. A lot of times we like to make sure we're

401
00:27:38.920 --> 00:27:40.680
spiritually aligned, spiritually aligned.

402
00:27:40.880 --> 00:27:42.400
But remember, you only have words.

403
00:27:42.640 --> 00:27:48.280
You've not seen the fruit of anyone and they've not even seen your fruit.

404
00:27:48.920 --> 00:27:51.120
Sometimes we believe when a person matches

405
00:27:51.320 --> 00:27:56.760
all of our boxes, that they're perfect for you, but are you perfect for them?

406
00:27:58.040 --> 00:28:00.720
Oh, this is just what I need.

407
00:28:00.920 --> 00:28:03.160
A lot of times when we have these boxes

408
00:28:03.360 --> 00:28:08.320
that we want men to check out, we say, yes, he checked out all of my boxes.

409
00:28:08.520 --> 00:28:11.120
He's perfect for me.

410
00:28:11.320 --> 00:28:15.160
Now, the thing before that thing, I don't know.

411
00:28:15.360 --> 00:28:17.240
OK, I'm trying to repeat myself and they

412
00:28:17.240 --> 00:28:20.840
didn't, but she said that ain't the thing, she said the thing before that thing

413
00:28:21.040 --> 00:28:26.240
about what our role is not in our first week of getting to know someone, Nadine.

414
00:28:26.440 --> 00:28:29.440
Yes. OK, our role is not to repair any

415
00:28:29.640 --> 00:28:34.000
misunderstandings, our role is is

416
00:28:34.200 --> 00:28:38.440
not to spiritually align the connection,

417
00:28:38.640 --> 00:28:41.200
like get us spiritually in alignment,

418
00:28:41.400 --> 00:28:47.960
and our role is not to cover it in prayer together, like to stabilize uncertainty.

419
00:28:51.800 --> 00:28:58.880
Your role is, this is the good part, to observe, to discern and to watch for

420
00:28:59.080 --> 00:29:05.320
consistency, clarity and emotional stability over time.

421
00:29:05.560 --> 00:29:09.360
Time is your friend in dating.

422
00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:13.480
Time is your friend.

423
00:29:13.680 --> 00:29:15.280
For some reason, when you're first getting

424
00:29:15.480 --> 00:29:17.960
to know someone, it seems like the time is fleeting,

425
00:29:18.160 --> 00:29:22.680
like you want to use every moment to talk to them, to get to know them.

426
00:29:22.880 --> 00:29:25.080
It's fun.

427
00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:31.720
But early dating, if you don't get that pacing, when you get that pacing off in

428
00:29:31.720 --> 00:29:36.200
the first week or the second week, you're going to say things you can't take back.

429
00:29:36.400 --> 00:29:39.480
You start to feel things you can't unfeel,

430
00:29:39.680 --> 00:29:43.080
you start to plan things in your heart that should have never been planned.

431
00:29:43.280 --> 00:29:46.240
And so what you have to do, if you did let the pacing go really fast,

432
00:29:46.440 --> 00:29:49.520
just go ahead and come out of agreement with all the things you put yourself

433
00:29:49.720 --> 00:29:53.200
in agreement with in the first two weeks, the first three weeks or even the first

434
00:29:53.400 --> 00:29:56.320
month. Look, this ain't no one way street.

435
00:29:56.520 --> 00:29:59.960
They make that U-turn, baby, go back the other way or jump over to.

436
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.520
next street and start afresh okay use your yield come on over around the little loop

437
00:30:07.520 --> 00:30:12.560
and go the other way there is you can't mess this up

438
00:30:16.000 --> 00:30:17.440
okay you really can't

439
00:30:20.320 --> 00:30:24.080
because if a person chooses not to be with you they choose not to be with you

440
00:30:24.080 --> 00:30:28.080
as the same way when you choose not to be with them you choose not to be with them

441
00:30:29.040 --> 00:30:33.040
i don't care how long you've been without a date they are not the last fish in the sea

442
00:30:34.160 --> 00:30:40.480
and i guarantee you is a bigger and a better one especially when you grow from what you've been in

443
00:30:42.080 --> 00:30:47.360
if growth happened in your life then you're going to get something even better than what you had

444
00:30:47.360 --> 00:30:56.400
it is not to be compared okay so your role is to observe is to discern and to watch for consistency

445
00:30:56.560 --> 00:30:59.680
clarity and emotional stability over time

446
00:31:02.400 --> 00:31:09.440
a healthy man does not lead with confusion he doesn't lead with pressure he doesn't

447
00:31:09.440 --> 00:31:15.200
lead with monitoring behavior he does not lead with spiritual intensity without foundation

448
00:31:17.200 --> 00:31:20.480
like them playing out how y'all gonna take over the world through the kingdom without

449
00:31:20.480 --> 00:31:26.800
any foundation with you not a healthy person and then he doesn't have inconsistency but he

450
00:31:26.800 --> 00:31:32.480
follows through he keeps his word okay and you're not confused everything is clear

451
00:31:36.160 --> 00:31:44.160
um yes a healthy connection starts with steadiness and pacing healthy connections start with

452
00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:48.960
steadiness and pacing if something takes off and goes really really fast i encourage you to slow

453
00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:54.640
it down and it just could mean sometimes that this person just doesn't know how to date

454
00:31:54.640 --> 00:31:58.000
but it's okay for you to set the tone for yourself

455
00:32:01.360 --> 00:32:05.200
look you don't need a man to lead you in pacing to guard your heart without

456
00:32:05.200 --> 00:32:09.360
diligence that's your responsibility it's not their responsibility

457
00:32:11.600 --> 00:32:17.840
it is your responsibility to guard your heart all right um let me see

458
00:32:19.200 --> 00:32:21.200
um

459
00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:23.200
there's something

460
00:32:26.240 --> 00:32:32.080
one more thing i want to say you don't have to match a person's emotional intensity

461
00:32:34.560 --> 00:32:38.880
a person can be whoever they want to be and show up however they want to show up

462
00:32:41.280 --> 00:32:46.800
they could like example they can say i'm off the apps i saw you i'm just gonna get to know you okay

463
00:32:47.760 --> 00:32:54.000
right um you don't have to over explain yourself and you don't need to over invest

464
00:32:54.000 --> 00:32:59.520
or try to manage anything it's hard not to do that but it's worth you not doing

465
00:33:02.880 --> 00:33:05.840
yes it does work it worked for all situation that's true

466
00:33:05.840 --> 00:33:10.640
sarah was saying this it works for work situation okay um

467
00:33:10.640 --> 00:33:20.000
um so you want to regulate pace pacing you want to operate in discernment and you want

468
00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:24.720
to operate an emotional maturity and let no one else set the pace or the tone

469
00:33:24.720 --> 00:33:29.200
for the process that you're in and then this last thing i want to say

470
00:33:31.360 --> 00:33:34.160
i made this note but i don't even know what i wrote you guys

471
00:33:34.960 --> 00:33:42.080
bears identify possible issues in the person you are getting to know okay um if you pace enough

472
00:33:42.080 --> 00:33:46.560
you will be able to identify possible issues in the person that you're getting to know

473
00:33:47.440 --> 00:33:52.160
and it's not like you're being some kind of spy but if you pace and slow enough and if you ground

474
00:33:52.160 --> 00:33:58.800
yourself you can identify like oh he does move kind of fast oh that was really quick to say

475
00:33:58.800 --> 00:34:05.440
something like that to me oh oh wow yeah we shouldn't be talking about that that's not best

476
00:34:05.440 --> 00:34:08.960
even if you do it after you talk about it don't beat yourself up because you said something on

477
00:34:08.960 --> 00:34:15.840
the conversation there's always tomorrow and unless somebody says something to you that was

478
00:34:15.840 --> 00:34:20.880
sexual or offensive in nature you really don't have to bring correction to whatever you allowed

479
00:34:20.880 --> 00:34:25.360
in that conversation like if you talk too much emotional or you share too much overshare

480
00:34:26.320 --> 00:34:29.360
you ain't gotta go back and fix that it's just the next time don't do it

481
00:34:30.400 --> 00:34:34.719
just say oh i shared a little too much this is a part of the journey

482
00:34:35.440 --> 00:34:40.320
you have to give yourself grace and by all means enjoy

483
00:34:42.800 --> 00:34:47.920
enjoy there's there's a pleasure that comes with knowing you can't lose

484
00:34:50.400 --> 00:34:53.840
there is there is a delight like i can't mess this up i can't lose

485
00:34:53.840 --> 00:34:59.840
okay um

486
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:12.400
Okay, let's let's land with this intensity is not connection.

487
00:35:12.400 --> 00:35:15.900
Spiritual language is not maturity.

488
00:35:15.900 --> 00:35:17.800
Now, that's a good one.

489
00:35:17.800 --> 00:35:19.100
Please hear me ladies.

490
00:35:19.100 --> 00:35:22.200
Spiritual language is not maturity.

491
00:35:22.200 --> 00:35:24.700
I don't care how much spiritual language they have.

492
00:35:24.700 --> 00:35:25.900
It doesn't mean they're mature.

493
00:35:25.900 --> 00:35:29.900
Okay, anybody ever met some mean they can use a lot of spiritual

494
00:35:29.900 --> 00:35:31.600
language, but they were not mature at all.

495
00:35:33.200 --> 00:35:38.500
Mm-hmm and then early consistency matters more than early chemistry.

496
00:35:38.500 --> 00:35:43.300
A lot of times we say, oh, I just didn't feel anything good.

497
00:35:45.000 --> 00:35:49.200
You want early consistency more than you want early feeling something

498
00:35:49.200 --> 00:35:50.000
or chemistry.

499
00:35:51.500 --> 00:35:55.300
Okay, the more you get to know a man and he's masculine mature and

500
00:35:55.300 --> 00:35:56.600
marriage-minded baby.

501
00:35:56.600 --> 00:35:58.900
That's all the chemistry you need.

502
00:35:59.900 --> 00:36:03.900
He's integrous and honest and kind and gentle.

503
00:36:05.100 --> 00:36:09.000
And righteous and committed to it all by himself without you.

504
00:36:10.800 --> 00:36:11.400
Okay.

505
00:36:11.400 --> 00:36:12.200
All right.

506
00:36:13.800 --> 00:36:14.800
Okay, great.

507
00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:15.100
Great.

508
00:36:15.100 --> 00:36:15.400
Great.

509
00:36:15.400 --> 00:36:15.700
Great.

510
00:36:15.700 --> 00:36:18.300
Um, did we have?

511
00:36:20.300 --> 00:36:23.400
I'm trying to see I believe we had an activation.

512
00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:26.800
but

513
00:36:30.100 --> 00:36:37.600
When you ladies are talking to someone in these early stages, I want you all

514
00:36:37.600 --> 00:36:38.000
good.

515
00:36:38.000 --> 00:36:43.500
I want you to zone in on pacing deny yourself calling them.

516
00:36:43.500 --> 00:36:48.700
Give yourself some hours of time in between things start practicing pacing

517
00:36:48.700 --> 00:36:51.800
and don't matter if you get it wrong, you're going to get it right if you

518
00:36:51.800 --> 00:36:52.500
practice it.

519
00:36:54.400 --> 00:36:56.600
Slow things down just for the sake of it.

520
00:36:57.100 --> 00:37:01.300
You know be like, oh, I'm gonna have a really busy day tomorrow.

521
00:37:01.300 --> 00:37:06.000
I want you know, we may not get an opportunity to talk but I do want you

522
00:37:06.000 --> 00:37:08.900
know, I'm gonna be very busy and so I may not be able to reach out to you.

523
00:37:08.900 --> 00:37:10.300
That's it.

524
00:37:10.300 --> 00:37:12.900
You may not be doing nothing just don't reach out.

525
00:37:12.900 --> 00:37:18.000
Tell the person hey, I'm having a busy busy day tomorrow, you know, if

526
00:37:18.000 --> 00:37:21.100
you feel like things are going to practice how to give yourself pacing.

527
00:37:24.100 --> 00:37:26.200
And you're not leaving them hanging.

528
00:37:26.200 --> 00:37:28.900
They understand that you care because you say what you say it.

529
00:37:30.800 --> 00:37:32.200
You can text them every day.

530
00:37:32.200 --> 00:37:36.200
I said if you struggle with pacing know you can take somebody every day if

531
00:37:36.200 --> 00:37:41.500
you want now, we'll tell you if you start texting every morning every

532
00:37:41.500 --> 00:37:47.500
night all day long when you guys do split up and you stop talking you're

533
00:37:47.500 --> 00:37:51.500
going to have to get over seeing that text makes it text message very very

534
00:37:51.500 --> 00:37:52.000
often.

535
00:37:52.000 --> 00:37:55.600
So there are different parts of stop talking to people that you agree.

536
00:37:56.200 --> 00:37:59.500
Sometimes we just grieve we ain't got nobody to talk to anymore because we

537
00:37:59.500 --> 00:38:01.200
enjoy having somebody to feel their space.

538
00:38:01.200 --> 00:38:04.300
You think they hurt you so bad you just grieving that you don't have them

539
00:38:04.300 --> 00:38:04.700
there anymore.

540
00:38:06.700 --> 00:38:09.700
And if somebody else came along do the same text and you'll be happy to feel

541
00:38:09.700 --> 00:38:10.500
them in that spot too.

542
00:38:10.500 --> 00:38:14.600
And so sometimes when you do a heavy heavy talking all the all the all the

543
00:38:14.600 --> 00:38:18.600
time when you decide to part ways you will miss that more than the person

544
00:38:18.600 --> 00:38:18.800
itself.

545
00:38:20.100 --> 00:38:24.400
And so that's just something you that's one reason why I pace conversation.

546
00:38:25.700 --> 00:38:27.500
Because I don't want to deal with it.

547
00:38:28.900 --> 00:38:29.500
And so

548
00:38:30.700 --> 00:38:31.200
All right.

549
00:38:31.200 --> 00:38:35.700
I think Nadine was first and then after that is between Tiffany Rachel and

550
00:38:35.700 --> 00:38:39.600
Gail and I don't know because I was looking down but you guys know go for

551
00:38:39.600 --> 00:38:40.200
Nadine.

552
00:38:40.200 --> 00:38:41.500
I think Nadine was first.

553
00:38:41.500 --> 00:38:42.200
Was she first?

554
00:38:43.100 --> 00:38:44.200
I think so.

555
00:38:44.200 --> 00:38:45.400
Yeah.

556
00:38:45.400 --> 00:38:50.300
Hey, today is not a good day.

557
00:38:50.900 --> 00:38:53.300
Well, I need your help.

558
00:38:53.300 --> 00:38:57.500
Okay, and I wrote everything down so I can try to be quick to make sure all

559
00:38:57.500 --> 00:38:59.700
the other ladies have some time on it.

560
00:38:59.700 --> 00:39:04.300
But I've just kind of really been in anguish today.

561
00:39:04.300 --> 00:39:09.100
So it's been seven weeks and this past Sunday.

562
00:39:09.100 --> 00:39:12.700
I went to visit him for the first time because he's been down here for the

563
00:39:12.700 --> 00:39:17.200
first few dates and then we met halfway for one of them and then we met

564
00:39:17.300 --> 00:39:23.500
It was very eye-opening because it was just very eye-opening.

565
00:39:23.500 --> 00:39:30.300
So we connected at his house and then he gave me like a tour of the area that

566
00:39:30.300 --> 00:39:36.100
he lives in and when we went on the drive, there was just a lot of homes

567
00:39:36.100 --> 00:39:37.800
that had like a lot

568
00:39:39.300 --> 00:39:45.100
Just trash and like trash cans and like trash cans and like trash cans and

569
00:39:45.900 --> 00:39:50.400
Just trash and like junk in front of their homes and I pray that doesn't

570
00:39:50.400 --> 00:39:58.600
offend anyone but and so it's kind of hard for me to wrap my mind around

571
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.200
Like, being so close to that, I don't know.

572
00:40:06.200 --> 00:40:12.640
And so, especially since he's, like, really shared about having a lot of big dreams, and

573
00:40:12.640 --> 00:40:17.720
finances is, like, a fear thing for me that I'm still healing from.

574
00:40:17.720 --> 00:40:24.820
But we went to some of the Cumberland Falls, and then in that we had a conversation that

575
00:40:24.820 --> 00:40:29.940
led to an opportunity to ask him about his thoughts on, like, Halloween, and he gave

576
00:40:29.940 --> 00:40:37.620
me his thoughts on that, which did not align with, you know, how I see that, which is really

577
00:40:37.620 --> 00:40:43.900
hard for me, because that's a very clear stance in my household.

578
00:40:43.900 --> 00:40:50.900
And then we visited his friend's house, who wasn't there, and he wanted me to come in

579
00:40:50.900 --> 00:40:51.900
the house.

580
00:40:51.900 --> 00:40:55.780
And I was just not, I was not comfortable with it, because I didn't know the person.

581
00:40:55.780 --> 00:40:58.060
And he was like, Well, if you knew her, it'd be fine.

582
00:40:58.060 --> 00:40:59.060
Like, it's fine.

583
00:40:59.060 --> 00:41:00.580
I was like, Well, can you at least call her?

584
00:41:00.580 --> 00:41:04.100
Because I just don't want to be in someone's house without them being aware.

585
00:41:04.100 --> 00:41:07.900
Like, I'm just so uncomfortable.

586
00:41:07.900 --> 00:41:11.180
And so when he did that, then I felt better, at least.

587
00:41:11.180 --> 00:41:15.860
And so he just wanted me to show, he wanted to show me, like, the place where there's

588
00:41:15.860 --> 00:41:18.940
a lot of ministry that they do with kids in that house.

589
00:41:18.980 --> 00:41:23.500
And when I walked in, there was an area that I just wanted to vomit.

590
00:41:23.500 --> 00:41:29.180
And like, when I'm sensing there's something in a house that's not of the Lord, like, I

591
00:41:29.180 --> 00:41:32.620
get really nauseous.

592
00:41:32.620 --> 00:41:35.640
And it seemed like he was, like, oblivious to that.

593
00:41:35.640 --> 00:41:41.640
And so when we walked out, he was showing me this truck that he had purchased.

594
00:41:41.640 --> 00:41:46.340
And at that point, I kind of just felt like, I was like, Oh, my gosh, like, is this, am

595
00:41:46.340 --> 00:41:50.460
I dating my father?

596
00:41:50.460 --> 00:41:55.860
Because my dad purchases all these different projects, and then he doesn't have time to

597
00:41:55.860 --> 00:41:57.140
get to them.

598
00:41:57.140 --> 00:42:02.740
But he, he invests money and effort into them.

599
00:42:02.740 --> 00:42:06.140
And I didn't realize what that is a trigger for me.

600
00:42:06.140 --> 00:42:08.660
And so after that, we grabbed food, and then we said good night.

601
00:42:08.660 --> 00:42:12.980
And then the next day, I remember that night, I was just, the biggest thing that was on

602
00:42:12.980 --> 00:42:19.380
my mind was just, I just felt like, and I know where I'm not supposed to be going that

603
00:42:19.380 --> 00:42:20.380
far in.

604
00:42:20.380 --> 00:42:25.340
But like, spiritually, I was just like, I don't know if, if the head knowledge is connecting

605
00:42:25.340 --> 00:42:26.720
to the mind knowledge.

606
00:42:26.720 --> 00:42:32.220
And I don't know if I am wrong in this, and if I need healing in this.

607
00:42:32.220 --> 00:42:36.420
So I kind of just made it up in my mind that night, I was like, I can't move forward.

608
00:42:36.420 --> 00:42:41.600
Like I just, like, I don't know if I can trust spiritual discernment here.

609
00:42:41.600 --> 00:42:45.460
And I don't know if that's a lack of maturity on my end.

610
00:42:45.460 --> 00:42:48.680
But the next day, we ate breakfast together.

611
00:42:48.680 --> 00:42:54.820
And yeah, and so there was a lot of things that happened that morning, but I got bit

612
00:42:54.820 --> 00:42:55.820
by a tick.

613
00:42:55.820 --> 00:43:02.840
And so, so he saw another side of me where I was kind of like panicked.

614
00:43:02.840 --> 00:43:08.340
And he was very calm and, you know, collected and all the things but I was like, a girl

615
00:43:08.340 --> 00:43:10.520
like in that moment, big time.

616
00:43:10.520 --> 00:43:16.220
And then like, towards the end of me about to leave, he got a call that a close friend

617
00:43:16.220 --> 00:43:18.580
of his had passed away.

618
00:43:18.580 --> 00:43:20.240
It was like a grandmother.

619
00:43:20.240 --> 00:43:23.500
So there was just so many things going on the last two days.

620
00:43:23.500 --> 00:43:27.780
And mind you, the last two weeks before I even saw him, it was like so heavy as far

621
00:43:27.780 --> 00:43:32.060
as all the things on my plate and just, just feeling attacked.

622
00:43:32.060 --> 00:43:36.960
And so, and I almost canceled going because of that.

623
00:43:36.960 --> 00:43:43.660
And I probably should have so that I could kind of figure out what was my heaviness versus

624
00:43:43.660 --> 00:43:46.660
what was what I was sensing in all the things.

625
00:43:46.660 --> 00:43:55.320
And so I think at this point where I'm at is that, like, I am nervous for his lack of

626
00:43:55.320 --> 00:43:56.320
spiritual discernment.

627
00:43:56.320 --> 00:44:01.040
But at the same time, like just listening to what you were saying about how a man should

628
00:44:01.040 --> 00:44:05.100
operate, the fruit are there so far.

629
00:44:05.240 --> 00:44:09.960
Like, he has been gentle and he has been patient and it's like he wants to wait on me hand

630
00:44:09.960 --> 00:44:12.040
and foot and he's very considerate.

631
00:44:12.040 --> 00:44:15.640
And if I say something, he'll implement it, you know, he's not perfect.

632
00:44:15.640 --> 00:44:21.540
There's things that have been like, a trigger unintentionally, but the fruit is there.

633
00:44:21.540 --> 00:44:26.840
So I'm like, but spiritually, I don't know if there's that, but the things that you were

634
00:44:26.840 --> 00:44:31.960
saying about how a man doesn't need to like, push things and needs to pace and all that.

635
00:44:31.960 --> 00:44:33.480
He's doing those things.

636
00:44:33.480 --> 00:44:37.560
And so I think that's what makes this really hard.

637
00:44:37.560 --> 00:44:40.760
But at this point, there's been a lot of conversation.

638
00:44:40.760 --> 00:44:45.960
And so there's lots of conversations about female friends.

639
00:44:45.960 --> 00:44:52.040
And I know that it's not in a sexual way, but he grew up with sisters and he has one

640
00:44:52.040 --> 00:44:54.040
brother who's autistic.

641
00:44:54.040 --> 00:44:59.620
And so I do think that there's some something there that may need healing.

642
00:44:59.620 --> 00:45:00.120
And so.

643
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.840
So I just don't know, he has male friends, but a lot of them are all over the country

644
00:45:06.840 --> 00:45:10.060
and where he's at, he really doesn't have that guy community.

645
00:45:10.060 --> 00:45:12.520
So that is concerning for me.

646
00:45:12.520 --> 00:45:17.520
And the fact that he is, you know, he's 10 years senior to me, he's 43, and he doesn't

647
00:45:17.520 --> 00:45:21.680
want to be in Kentucky, but yet he is in Kentucky.

648
00:45:21.680 --> 00:45:27.040
And I understand he has a renovation project and he has to, you know, get that turned over.

649
00:45:27.040 --> 00:45:31.080
But at the same time, it's kind of like you don't have children.

650
00:45:31.080 --> 00:45:36.040
So I don't know, it is a struggle there.

651
00:45:36.040 --> 00:45:42.620
And financially, which I can't judge, because I am like in debt and all the things.

652
00:45:42.620 --> 00:45:46.480
And so this is where I'm like, Lord, I need I need you to give me some wisdom on this

653
00:45:46.480 --> 00:45:47.480
one.

654
00:45:47.480 --> 00:45:48.480
But he's fine.

655
00:45:48.480 --> 00:45:50.640
He's not in debt.

656
00:45:50.640 --> 00:45:55.080
But it sounds like even though he's paying the bills, a lot of his money is going into

657
00:45:55.080 --> 00:45:56.520
this renovation project.

658
00:45:56.520 --> 00:46:00.480
So then for me, I'm kind of like, are you going to be able to provide because it's not

659
00:46:00.480 --> 00:46:04.560
just me, it's me and my son, you know.

660
00:46:04.560 --> 00:46:14.880
And so I guess where I'm at today is that I jumped to conclusions very quickly.

661
00:46:14.880 --> 00:46:20.840
And I've just been like, going back and forth on this.

662
00:46:20.840 --> 00:46:25.800
Because he's been so consistent, he listens, he asks questions.

663
00:46:26.120 --> 00:46:30.920
He's seen some good parts and bad parts of me, and he's still interested.

664
00:46:30.920 --> 00:46:33.320
But the fruit's there.

665
00:46:33.320 --> 00:46:43.040
But I also feel like I don't want to be judgmental with where he's at.

666
00:46:43.040 --> 00:46:48.580
Because like you were just saying, sometimes it takes us a while to grow in a certain area.

667
00:46:48.580 --> 00:46:50.920
And I understand that.

668
00:46:50.920 --> 00:46:57.760
And I guess what I see is that I see God in him, and I see the potential.

669
00:46:57.760 --> 00:47:01.240
And I know I'm not supposed to be looking based off of the potential.

670
00:47:01.240 --> 00:47:04.740
I have to look at where he's at right now.

671
00:47:04.740 --> 00:47:07.360
So that's really hard for me.

672
00:47:07.360 --> 00:47:13.400
And if I decide not to move forward, I think what breaks my heart is that I really feel

673
00:47:13.400 --> 00:47:18.560
like this would break his heart, like with some of the past that he shared with me.

674
00:47:18.560 --> 00:47:20.440
And it's been similar with my walk.

675
00:47:20.960 --> 00:47:23.960
So that's it.

676
00:47:23.960 --> 00:47:24.960
Yeah.

677
00:47:24.960 --> 00:47:25.960
Okay.

678
00:47:25.960 --> 00:47:27.600
So I hear you.

679
00:47:27.600 --> 00:47:32.520
I wish that your trip down would have been much more pleasant for you.

680
00:47:32.520 --> 00:47:38.480
I think one of the top things I want to help you process through is your measurement of

681
00:47:38.480 --> 00:47:45.680
spiritual discernment, and that you measure it against whoever, who you are.

682
00:47:45.680 --> 00:47:49.080
Because I can put you beside somebody else, and they could believe maybe you don't have

683
00:47:49.200 --> 00:47:50.200
much spiritual discernment.

684
00:47:50.200 --> 00:47:57.560
So I think that we have to be very mindful to be grounded in the fact, is a person committed

685
00:47:57.560 --> 00:47:59.840
to righteousness?

686
00:47:59.840 --> 00:48:01.660
Because that is a core foundation.

687
00:48:01.660 --> 00:48:03.940
Are you committed to righteousness?

688
00:48:03.940 --> 00:48:08.120
Because the Holy Spirit lives in all of us, Nadine.

689
00:48:08.120 --> 00:48:09.240
Yes ma'am.

690
00:48:09.240 --> 00:48:15.480
So the Holy Spirit lives in all of us, and spiritual discernment comes from the Lord.

691
00:48:15.480 --> 00:48:17.000
That's something somebody could grow in.

692
00:48:17.080 --> 00:48:22.760
But if he never grew in it, he has the Holy Spirit living in him, and he does have discernment.

693
00:48:22.760 --> 00:48:27.080
If you have a gifting where you can pick up on spirits, and you can sense and feel, that's

694
00:48:27.080 --> 00:48:30.320
a gifting that you carry.

695
00:48:30.320 --> 00:48:35.320
And I want you to be really mindful not to judge people by how you experience the Lord,

696
00:48:35.320 --> 00:48:38.600
meaning they have to experience the Lord that way.

697
00:48:38.600 --> 00:48:39.600
Okay.

698
00:48:39.600 --> 00:48:40.600
Okay?

699
00:48:40.600 --> 00:48:45.120
And the roles that you all will play in each other's life, where he was sharpening you

700
00:48:45.120 --> 00:48:49.120
in the Lord, and how you were sharpening him in the Lord, and what would you carry

701
00:48:49.120 --> 00:48:52.120
will the Lord use to help influence him.

702
00:48:52.120 --> 00:48:54.440
And that's what happens in marriage.

703
00:48:54.440 --> 00:48:58.600
We bring our resources to the table and we share them.

704
00:48:58.600 --> 00:49:04.880
And before you know it, because he's married to a woman who discerns well, he gets an anointing

705
00:49:04.880 --> 00:49:07.120
to discern.

706
00:49:07.120 --> 00:49:12.040
The same way before you learn to discern or what it was, or you became shaped in the Lord,

707
00:49:12.040 --> 00:49:14.600
you sit under some righteous teaching.

708
00:49:14.600 --> 00:49:17.920
They taught you some scripture, right?

709
00:49:17.920 --> 00:49:20.040
They help you grow and learn.

710
00:49:20.040 --> 00:49:26.240
And so that's for all of us ladies, measuring people spiritually as far as did they discern

711
00:49:26.240 --> 00:49:29.440
this or are they able to pick up on things spiritual?

712
00:49:29.440 --> 00:49:32.720
Can they prophesy or do they speak in tongues?

713
00:49:32.720 --> 00:49:35.480
Those are not best non-negotiables.

714
00:49:35.480 --> 00:49:42.240
What a non-negotiable, healthy non-negotiable looks like, are you committed to righteousness?

715
00:49:42.240 --> 00:49:43.980
Are you committed to righteousness?

716
00:49:43.980 --> 00:49:51.540
You came that way, with or without me, you fear the Lord.

717
00:49:51.540 --> 00:49:53.100
Do we understand what I'm saying?

718
00:49:53.100 --> 00:49:55.420
Do you understand that Nadine?

719
00:49:55.420 --> 00:49:56.420
I do.

720
00:49:56.420 --> 00:50:00.020
And I, when you were talking about certain things we shouldn't do, I do.

721
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.240
I know that you and Karla have been saying you need to relax and you need to have fun,

722
00:50:06.240 --> 00:50:11.800
but I'm so concerned of that, that sometimes I feel like that's what robs the fun, you

723
00:50:11.800 --> 00:50:12.800
know.

724
00:50:12.800 --> 00:50:16.840
But we had moments where it was playful and it was fun to bring that side out, but then

725
00:50:16.840 --> 00:50:21.960
I hear something like this and then I, or I feel like I sent something and then it,

726
00:50:21.960 --> 00:50:24.760
it just kind of overtakes me, so.

727
00:50:24.760 --> 00:50:26.280
Well, that's okay.

728
00:50:26.280 --> 00:50:31.200
What happens is it sounds like you're operating out of fear and somehow I believe if he could

729
00:50:31.200 --> 00:50:34.200
spiritually discern, you'll be safer.

730
00:50:34.200 --> 00:50:35.600
Okay.

731
00:50:35.600 --> 00:50:40.080
So you've counted something against him because you picked up on a spirit and he didn't.

732
00:50:40.080 --> 00:50:41.760
I don't even know if I can marry you.

733
00:50:41.760 --> 00:50:43.440
Now hear that.

734
00:50:43.440 --> 00:50:47.600
I don't know if I could be with you because I discerned something in the area and you

735
00:50:47.600 --> 00:50:48.600
didn't.

736
00:50:48.600 --> 00:50:49.600
You know what?

737
00:50:49.600 --> 00:50:53.320
Forget how kind you've been, how gentle you've been, forget the fruits of the spirit that

738
00:50:53.320 --> 00:50:54.320
you carry.

739
00:50:54.320 --> 00:50:55.600
You didn't even pick up on that spirit.

740
00:50:55.920 --> 00:50:59.440
I don't think I can do this.

741
00:50:59.440 --> 00:51:00.840
Do you hear that?

742
00:51:00.840 --> 00:51:01.840
I hear that.

743
00:51:01.840 --> 00:51:07.920
And, you know, at the five week mark, I feel like it was like, instead of me having the

744
00:51:07.920 --> 00:51:14.280
anxious attachment, then all of a sudden it switched to, um, uh, what is it preoccupied

745
00:51:14.280 --> 00:51:16.160
where you're kind of like running away?

746
00:51:16.160 --> 00:51:17.160
Yeah.

747
00:51:17.160 --> 00:51:21.000
But I'm telling you, no matter what you switch to, you don't have to.

748
00:51:21.000 --> 00:51:22.440
You carry the love of Jesus.

749
00:51:22.440 --> 00:51:26.720
And I encourage you that when you want to switch into a way to give out love that you

750
00:51:26.720 --> 00:51:31.800
switch back to Jesus, I want you to use your spiritual discernment to discern when you're

751
00:51:31.800 --> 00:51:36.320
giving someone your leftovers or when you're giving somebody something that's not heaven's

752
00:51:36.320 --> 00:51:37.960
best for them.

753
00:51:37.960 --> 00:51:40.400
You do not have to operate under preoccupied.

754
00:51:40.400 --> 00:51:42.040
You do not have to operate under avoidant.

755
00:51:42.040 --> 00:51:45.040
You do not have to operate under anxious attachment.

756
00:51:45.040 --> 00:51:48.180
You have Jesus on the inside of you.

757
00:51:48.180 --> 00:51:52.900
You have a pure love on the inside of you that you can give from.

758
00:51:52.900 --> 00:51:54.620
It flows through you.

759
00:51:54.620 --> 00:52:00.380
It's the same power that gives you discernment can give you the power to give someone the

760
00:52:00.380 --> 00:52:01.740
best.

761
00:52:01.740 --> 00:52:07.660
And so when he didn't discern something you discern, it was like you, it sounds like you

762
00:52:07.660 --> 00:52:09.580
feel like he wasn't able to protect you.

763
00:52:09.580 --> 00:52:17.500
He wasn't able to be something in Christ that you feel like you need him to be.

764
00:52:17.500 --> 00:52:21.660
That is not a, that is not a solid prerequisite.

765
00:52:21.660 --> 00:52:24.060
It's not a solid non-negotiable.

766
00:52:24.060 --> 00:52:30.220
So I encourage you to put down my non-negotiables that a person has to be committed to righteousness

767
00:52:30.220 --> 00:52:34.060
because growing in the things of the spirit is just growing.

768
00:52:34.060 --> 00:52:35.060
That's all it is.

769
00:52:35.060 --> 00:52:36.060
It's growing.

770
00:52:36.060 --> 00:52:40.100
And if he never grows in spiritual discernment, is he committed to righteousness?

771
00:52:40.100 --> 00:52:43.180
Does he fear the Lord?

772
00:52:43.180 --> 00:52:47.100
The Bible says that the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and he delights in

773
00:52:47.100 --> 00:52:48.100
his way.

774
00:52:48.100 --> 00:52:50.900
Not the steps of a man that can spiritually discern the atmosphere.

775
00:52:50.900 --> 00:52:57.620
The steps of a good man are ordered by God and the Lord takes delight in him.

776
00:52:57.620 --> 00:52:59.140
Right.

777
00:52:59.140 --> 00:53:03.860
And so I want you to think about these things when those fears come up on the inside of

778
00:53:03.860 --> 00:53:04.860
you.

779
00:53:04.860 --> 00:53:05.860
Okay.

780
00:53:05.860 --> 00:53:10.020
So the thing you said about like, Oh, I saw all this trash and I just couldn't live in

781
00:53:10.020 --> 00:53:11.020
it.

782
00:53:11.020 --> 00:53:15.020
Do you know Nadine that this is not going to be the way it was with your father.

783
00:53:15.020 --> 00:53:19.380
You don't have to marry your dad that he gets to make all the decisions where you're

784
00:53:19.380 --> 00:53:22.960
going to live and what you're going to do.

785
00:53:22.960 --> 00:53:26.580
You have the right to say, if he asked you to go exclusive and he wants to marry you,

786
00:53:26.580 --> 00:53:30.300
you have the right to say, I will marry you, but I will not live in this place.

787
00:53:30.300 --> 00:53:34.260
That's my non-negotiable.

788
00:53:34.260 --> 00:53:38.180
But I believe that some of, because of the order that your father had and the way that

789
00:53:38.180 --> 00:53:42.380
you all submitted and did everything he wanted, your mind is painting a picture that you're

790
00:53:42.380 --> 00:53:46.780
going to have to also do this, right?

791
00:53:46.780 --> 00:53:48.340
And that's not true.

792
00:53:48.340 --> 00:53:54.060
And what if he does buy his cars and he spends his money on stuff and he's like your dad

793
00:53:54.060 --> 00:53:55.060
in that way.

794
00:53:55.060 --> 00:53:57.380
Was your dad a provider?

795
00:53:57.380 --> 00:53:58.980
Did he keep you safe?

796
00:53:58.980 --> 00:54:01.540
Did he hold his family together?

797
00:54:01.540 --> 00:54:02.980
Did he respect his home?

798
00:54:02.980 --> 00:54:04.940
Like there's so many other benefits.

799
00:54:04.940 --> 00:54:10.140
There's so many other wonderful things than the one thing a person doesn't do well.

800
00:54:10.140 --> 00:54:11.940
Are you following me?

801
00:54:12.900 --> 00:54:19.060
And so it is important for you because you work to guard yourself against different things

802
00:54:19.060 --> 00:54:25.740
that you start listing out all the good things and measure them for yourself.

803
00:54:25.740 --> 00:54:32.180
Soon as you start like going on a loop, stop the loop and write.

804
00:54:32.180 --> 00:54:33.180
Remind yourself about the truth.

805
00:54:33.180 --> 00:54:36.580
Have you ever been friends with somebody and you do one thing to them and they throw you

806
00:54:36.580 --> 00:54:39.500
away like y'all didn't have good years together?

807
00:54:39.860 --> 00:54:42.540
Have you ever seen that before or had experienced that before?

808
00:54:42.540 --> 00:54:47.180
And it's like, all I did was this one thing, did you forget I was the one you called and

809
00:54:47.180 --> 00:54:48.180
cried to?

810
00:54:48.180 --> 00:54:50.260
Did you forget how I was there for you?

811
00:54:50.260 --> 00:54:53.820
Did you forget when I gave you this money, did you forget how I showed up here?

812
00:54:53.820 --> 00:54:55.460
Did you forget these things?

813
00:54:55.460 --> 00:54:59.700
I want you to think about it that way because you've had some time with this young man.

814
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.000
So I want you to start looking at a whole picture.

815
00:55:06.400 --> 00:55:08.240
There's no big deal that he went in the house

816
00:55:08.240 --> 00:55:09.800
and could pick up on something.

817
00:55:09.800 --> 00:55:10.640
There's a gift.

818
00:55:10.640 --> 00:55:11.480
I don't know if I touched on it,

819
00:55:11.480 --> 00:55:13.200
but I wanted to touch on it.

820
00:55:13.200 --> 00:55:17.300
And his age, Nadine, could be helping you

821
00:55:17.300 --> 00:55:22.300
to lean more toward things the way things were growing up

822
00:55:24.680 --> 00:55:25.640
with your dad.

823
00:55:25.640 --> 00:55:27.020
Does that make sense?

824
00:55:27.020 --> 00:55:27.860
Yes.

825
00:55:27.860 --> 00:55:28.920
Because he's older than you.

826
00:55:28.920 --> 00:55:31.340
This could be like shifting you into it.

827
00:55:31.340 --> 00:55:34.180
And I'm bringing it up so you can be mindful of that

828
00:55:34.180 --> 00:55:36.040
if you weren't mindful of it.

829
00:55:36.040 --> 00:55:37.260
Okay.

830
00:55:37.260 --> 00:55:40.560
And if you've gotten to the point at this seven week mark

831
00:55:40.560 --> 00:55:44.120
and you've written down things and you're not,

832
00:55:46.080 --> 00:55:47.680
if you don't want to move forward,

833
00:55:47.680 --> 00:55:49.600
you don't have to move forward.

834
00:55:49.600 --> 00:55:51.240
But I don't want you,

835
00:55:51.240 --> 00:55:54.500
I want you to clearly know what you're basing them on.

836
00:55:55.800 --> 00:55:56.720
Okay.

837
00:55:56.720 --> 00:55:57.560
Right?

838
00:55:57.560 --> 00:55:59.800
Maybe you don't carry spiritual discernment.

839
00:56:01.880 --> 00:56:02.720
Right?

840
00:56:05.160 --> 00:56:09.000
That's something you grow in from the Lord.

841
00:56:09.000 --> 00:56:10.280
So make sure,

842
00:56:10.280 --> 00:56:13.600
I want you to write down heaven's non-negotiables.

843
00:56:13.600 --> 00:56:14.440
Okay.

844
00:56:14.440 --> 00:56:15.480
So, Jackie always says,

845
00:56:15.480 --> 00:56:17.060
you can have any non-negotiable you want,

846
00:56:17.060 --> 00:56:19.600
but I prefer you to have heaven's non-negotiables.

847
00:56:20.880 --> 00:56:22.840
Especially when y'all are seven weeks in,

848
00:56:22.840 --> 00:56:25.560
this is a pretty good, y'all are in, right?

849
00:56:25.560 --> 00:56:27.160
This is almost two weeks.

850
00:56:28.160 --> 00:56:29.160
And so pretty soon,

851
00:56:29.160 --> 00:56:31.360
some decisions are going to have to be made.

852
00:56:32.400 --> 00:56:33.860
No pressure.

853
00:56:33.860 --> 00:56:35.400
You know, another thing I'm going to tap on,

854
00:56:35.400 --> 00:56:36.240
then I'm going to move on

855
00:56:36.240 --> 00:56:38.360
cause we only have about 17 minutes left.

856
00:56:41.280 --> 00:56:44.800
Nadine, I want you to be mindful

857
00:56:44.800 --> 00:56:47.000
that you cannot judge a single man

858
00:56:47.000 --> 00:56:48.960
the way he spent his money

859
00:56:48.960 --> 00:56:51.360
off of how he's going to take care of you and your son.

860
00:56:51.360 --> 00:56:53.640
That is your insecurity.

861
00:56:53.640 --> 00:56:54.780
Okay.

862
00:56:54.780 --> 00:56:56.020
It's your insecurity about

863
00:56:56.020 --> 00:56:57.500
how you're going to be provided for,

864
00:56:57.500 --> 00:57:00.240
and is he capable of providing for me?

865
00:57:01.860 --> 00:57:04.420
You're insecure that he's going to be able to do this

866
00:57:04.420 --> 00:57:06.180
based on what you're seeing.

867
00:57:06.180 --> 00:57:08.960
But y'all are not even at that place

868
00:57:08.960 --> 00:57:11.520
for him to rearrange his finances,

869
00:57:11.520 --> 00:57:13.220
to make you feel safe with it.

870
00:57:13.220 --> 00:57:14.900
He didn't have a responsibility

871
00:57:14.900 --> 00:57:16.900
to have you to feel secure in that.

872
00:57:18.300 --> 00:57:20.940
If he did that and told you that,

873
00:57:20.940 --> 00:57:23.600
it will push you even further into the future.

874
00:57:25.060 --> 00:57:27.020
Are you following what I'm saying?

875
00:57:27.020 --> 00:57:28.220
Yes.

876
00:57:28.220 --> 00:57:30.900
And so if he wants to throw every dime of his money away,

877
00:57:30.900 --> 00:57:32.420
he can throw every dime of his money away,

878
00:57:32.420 --> 00:57:34.860
just like you could throw all of your money away.

879
00:57:34.860 --> 00:57:36.820
If you want to take all your money and buy your boy

880
00:57:36.820 --> 00:57:38.580
a brand new wardrobe and some new shoes,

881
00:57:38.580 --> 00:57:39.980
get what you can do with it.

882
00:57:41.660 --> 00:57:43.260
And he don't have the right to look at you and say,

883
00:57:43.260 --> 00:57:44.660
I don't think she's wise

884
00:57:44.660 --> 00:57:46.460
with buying her son all of those clothes.

885
00:57:46.460 --> 00:57:47.540
It's your baby.

886
00:57:48.500 --> 00:57:50.220
It's your money.

887
00:57:50.220 --> 00:57:52.260
And so we cannot determine.

888
00:57:52.260 --> 00:57:53.700
And I know there's a thing was like,

889
00:57:53.700 --> 00:57:56.900
you can look at how he steward his money to make decisions.

890
00:57:56.900 --> 00:57:59.300
You can look at the way a person stewards their money

891
00:57:59.300 --> 00:58:01.340
or look at the way they handle things

892
00:58:01.340 --> 00:58:03.580
to try to draw from that.

893
00:58:03.580 --> 00:58:06.620
But I don't think that we can draw from what,

894
00:58:06.620 --> 00:58:09.200
unless you have other things you haven't told me.

895
00:58:09.200 --> 00:58:11.060
I don't think it's wise to draw

896
00:58:11.060 --> 00:58:13.660
that he can't provide for me and my child.

897
00:58:15.580 --> 00:58:16.420
Okay.

898
00:58:16.420 --> 00:58:17.700
I mean, there's nothing else.

899
00:58:17.700 --> 00:58:19.420
Those are the red flags.

900
00:58:19.420 --> 00:58:20.700
Okay.

901
00:58:20.700 --> 00:58:22.660
So that's not a red flag.

902
00:58:22.660 --> 00:58:23.580
Okay.

903
00:58:24.420 --> 00:58:26.620
That's him spending his money the way that he wants.

904
00:58:28.220 --> 00:58:29.260
It's not a red flag

905
00:58:29.260 --> 00:58:31.780
that he didn't discern something spiritually.

906
00:58:31.780 --> 00:58:35.260
That's a gift that you're carrying.

907
00:58:37.020 --> 00:58:37.860
Okay.

908
00:58:41.420 --> 00:58:44.180
And it's just, it was a good experience though.

909
00:58:44.180 --> 00:58:45.300
It was a good eye opener.

910
00:58:45.300 --> 00:58:47.860
And I'm glad it could have been more pleasant,

911
00:58:47.860 --> 00:58:48.700
but that's okay.

912
00:58:48.700 --> 00:58:49.860
It was what it is because remember,

913
00:58:49.860 --> 00:58:52.140
dating helps us discover ourselves.

914
00:58:54.420 --> 00:58:56.620
And so those things that you've written down

915
00:58:56.620 --> 00:58:58.140
and the things that you've noticed,

916
00:58:58.140 --> 00:59:01.180
really look into them and ask the father,

917
00:59:01.180 --> 00:59:02.920
father, what is this really about?

918
00:59:04.420 --> 00:59:06.100
Everything, I think I touched on everything,

919
00:59:06.100 --> 00:59:08.260
but ask the Lord, what is this really about?

920
00:59:08.260 --> 00:59:09.620
What's happening in me?

921
00:59:09.620 --> 00:59:11.060
And you're pretty far in now

922
00:59:11.060 --> 00:59:13.180
to start getting a little nervous or a little cold feet.

923
00:59:13.180 --> 00:59:16.060
I want you to know this to be expected also.

924
00:59:16.060 --> 00:59:16.900
Okay.

925
00:59:16.900 --> 00:59:18.220
But I do remember,

926
00:59:18.220 --> 00:59:20.780
so I have been hearing a lot of different things

927
00:59:20.780 --> 00:59:23.060
and this is where I struggle

928
00:59:23.300 --> 00:59:27.820
because I hear certain verses about how God sees him,

929
00:59:27.820 --> 00:59:30.860
but then I hear other things.

930
00:59:30.860 --> 00:59:33.140
So, and I'm not trying to go off that.

931
00:59:33.140 --> 00:59:35.060
I'm trying to go off of the word.

932
00:59:35.060 --> 00:59:37.860
But like that morning when I was worshiping at church,

933
00:59:37.860 --> 00:59:39.940
I heard do not settle, sweeten 18.

934
00:59:39.940 --> 00:59:42.460
And it's one of those things where it's like,

935
00:59:42.460 --> 00:59:46.260
I just don't trust what I hear in my mind anymore.

936
00:59:46.260 --> 00:59:48.300
Like if it's not the Bible,

937
00:59:48.300 --> 00:59:52.100
because I just, I struggle in this area.

938
00:59:53.900 --> 00:59:56.660
Well, the thing is going to have to happen

939
00:59:56.660 --> 00:59:58.460
when you're hearing something,

940
00:59:58.460 --> 01:00:00.100
you need to find a scripture.

941
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.100
help you. So what happens is when you hear don't settle sweet Nadine, it could

942
01:00:05.100 --> 01:00:09.320
be, I don't know where did it arise from. Regardless of where it arise from, you

943
01:00:09.320 --> 01:00:12.480
have a scripture that says trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean

944
01:00:12.480 --> 01:00:15.960
not into your own understanding. In all that ways acknowledge him and he will

945
01:00:15.960 --> 01:00:20.440
direct your path. That's the scripture that you have. You take that scripture

946
01:00:20.440 --> 01:00:24.400
and you go to the Lord and you say I place this young man on the altar Lord.

947
01:00:24.400 --> 01:00:29.920
I give this relationship over to you. Have your way. I trust you Holy Spirit

948
01:00:29.920 --> 01:00:35.160
that you tell me what I need to know when I need to know it. Mm-hmm. I trust

949
01:00:35.160 --> 01:00:38.240
that you will highlight what needs to be highlighted and so you'll have to do a

950
01:00:38.240 --> 01:00:43.080
constant surrendering to the Lord. You don't have to live in confusion. You

951
01:00:43.080 --> 01:00:46.760
don't have to say I don't trust this or I don't trust it. You just take it and

952
01:00:46.760 --> 01:00:52.080
put it on the altar. Okay. Father God I give this to you. I know that you are

953
01:00:52.080 --> 01:00:56.120
working things out for my good. I know that you are writing my love story and

954
01:00:56.320 --> 01:01:01.640
we have to keep switching back and forth. It's called being God defended. Sometimes

955
01:01:01.640 --> 01:01:05.080
we take over then we give it back. Sometimes we take over again we give it

956
01:01:05.080 --> 01:01:10.000
back and you go through this shuffle with the Lord and that's okay. Okay. But

957
01:01:10.000 --> 01:01:17.960
you're gonna have to keep surrendering it and he will direct your path. Thank

958
01:01:17.960 --> 01:01:25.120
you. You're welcome. Who's next? Tiffany or Rachel or Gail? I don't know.

959
01:01:26.960 --> 01:01:33.840
I think Gail is second. Okay you Rachel. Okay go Rachel. Hey Rachel. Oh you third.

960
01:01:33.840 --> 01:01:40.560
Go Tiffany. Wait a minute. Gail is second and then I'm third. Hey Tiffany. Oh Gail is

961
01:01:40.560 --> 01:01:47.600
second. Oh Gail is third. Who's second? Oh I thought she was before me. Okay I guess I'll

962
01:01:47.600 --> 01:01:54.880
go. Okay. Okay. Um so what I wanted to share is I'm I don't know if it's a

963
01:01:54.880 --> 01:02:02.200
struggle but I'm kind of hesitant. I know that I shared about my friend maybe

964
01:02:02.200 --> 01:02:13.200
two weeks ago about Tom and I'm a little bit hesitant to share to ask him like

965
01:02:13.200 --> 01:02:22.640
why have we not dated? Do you remember? Do you remember me sharing? Oh yes the guy that you

966
01:02:22.640 --> 01:02:32.000
meet up y'all hang out but you haven't said anything to him yet. No so the only thing I said to him is I had

967
01:02:32.000 --> 01:02:37.480
sent him a text because I saw him I think it was two weeks ago or three

968
01:02:37.480 --> 01:02:43.040
weeks ago I can't remember but I had sent him a text because he's in last

969
01:02:43.040 --> 01:02:50.440
year single as well. He's in the guy community and I said I said after we met

970
01:02:50.440 --> 01:02:55.760
up like I think it was three days four days later I said hey like I know that I

971
01:02:55.760 --> 01:03:00.560
shared with you that you know I'm in phase two now and that I'm open to

972
01:03:00.560 --> 01:03:04.880
dating so if you know any great single guys that would be a great fit like let

973
01:03:04.880 --> 01:03:12.400
me know. I'm open to dating and to being set up and he did respond he was like oh

974
01:03:12.400 --> 01:03:17.800
like that's a cool message and he told me that he had coaching I don't know who

975
01:03:17.800 --> 01:03:23.800
I think Jackie's his coach and that you know we'll talk about it so I haven't

976
01:03:23.800 --> 01:03:31.200
seen him in person so but although I haven't seen him yet I'm anticipating

977
01:03:31.200 --> 01:03:36.720
that you know maybe I'm gonna see him soon but I'm kind of hesitant I think

978
01:03:36.720 --> 01:03:42.720
part of it is that I think in my heart there's there is a fear of rejection

979
01:03:42.720 --> 01:03:52.360
like oh what if he says that oh well I'm not I'm not attracted to you or

980
01:03:52.360 --> 01:03:59.400
like something like of that nature does that make sense oh yeah I feel for me I

981
01:03:59.400 --> 01:04:06.560
feel like it's easier that he comes to me and has to be then me like putting

982
01:04:06.560 --> 01:04:14.080
myself out there does that make sense I would rather yeah like ask is there and

983
01:04:14.080 --> 01:04:20.240
you could there be anything here rather than me stepping out but I think it's

984
01:04:20.240 --> 01:04:25.680
I'm operating out of fear does that make sense well I hear you but I think that

985
01:04:25.680 --> 01:04:33.000
you've said enough okay like you said you're open to dating you said you're

986
01:04:33.000 --> 01:04:37.280
open to being set up now it's like you've said that you're open to these

987
01:04:37.280 --> 01:04:42.760
things so if he's interested either he's excluding himself which you didn't say

988
01:04:42.760 --> 01:04:46.980
you didn't tell him that you wouldn't talk to him no he doesn't want to be the

989
01:04:46.980 --> 01:04:52.720
one and so he's in the program and if he is interested in you and David is his

990
01:04:52.720 --> 01:04:57.600
coach or whoever coaches the mean maybe not David somebody else I think you did

991
01:04:57.600 --> 01:05:01.560
a good job ratio and I don't think you should do anything

992
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.440
Okay. Okay. That's good. Yeah, you did a really good job. Yeah, you're welcome. Yeah, you

993
01:05:06.440 --> 01:05:13.840
did good. That was really good. Okay. Awesome. Thank you so much. That's it. All right. All

994
01:05:13.840 --> 01:05:20.640
right. I don't know who three, who four is it Gail? Hey, Gail.

995
01:05:20.640 --> 01:05:32.760
Hey. Um, so just an update, uh, local guy, distance guy, uh, local guy. Um, uh, I told,

996
01:05:32.760 --> 01:05:40.640
I think I spoke last time about him pulling my top, uh, you know, all that. Well, I hadn't

997
01:05:40.640 --> 01:05:48.600
heard from, I talked to you. I had, he kind of like avoid, he wanted, he did not, I said

998
01:05:48.600 --> 01:05:53.320
we need to talk. I said that was like, I need, we need to talk. And I'm too busy the

999
01:05:53.320 --> 01:06:01.480
next day. We need to talk too busy, he says. And then he kind of two days, he just disappeared.

1000
01:06:01.480 --> 01:06:09.280
And um, then, uh, he contacted me this last Friday and said, uh, okay, I can talk now.

1001
01:06:09.280 --> 01:06:21.240
And he came over to my house. Wow. Three months is the key to switching. He came, he came over to

1002
01:06:21.240 --> 01:06:33.640
my house and I could tell he was like, um, in a, like fighting mode. And I, he, I've been in two

1003
01:06:33.640 --> 01:06:39.720
abusive marriages and his whole premise is, is, Oh, I'm going to help you heal. I'm going to be

1004
01:06:39.720 --> 01:06:48.880
the love you never had. And he started in like saying the most horrible things I've really for

1005
01:06:48.880 --> 01:06:54.280
a victim of domestic violence to have somebody say that you stayed there because maybe you

1006
01:06:54.280 --> 01:07:05.520
enjoyed it or, or you, you, you couldn't walk away. I mean, he just went after me like, um, and I

1007
01:07:05.520 --> 01:07:13.760
said something like, well, I, I kept trying to calm it down, calm it down. Um, and I, the last

1008
01:07:13.760 --> 01:07:18.760
thing I mentioned to him is I, you know, I do have an issue that you're signing your dead wife's

1009
01:07:19.240 --> 01:07:26.440
every year. She was handicapped. She passed six years ago. Her car has a license, um, handicap

1010
01:07:26.440 --> 01:07:33.320
license plates on. So you can, you can park anywhere in a handicapped spot. And I told him a

1011
01:07:33.320 --> 01:07:39.440
while way back that it kind of bothered me. He was signing every time he got the form to renew, he

1012
01:07:39.440 --> 01:07:50.520
was signing her name. And I said, that's kind of like, it's illegal if people found out. And, um,

1013
01:07:51.120 --> 01:07:55.880
so he mentioned that to me, he said, I can do what it's my wife's car. It's none of your business

1014
01:07:55.880 --> 01:08:00.160
what I do. And, and I can do whatever I want to do and I'm not doing it for you. And then he goes,

1015
01:08:00.160 --> 01:08:06.920
it's a deal breaker, like hollered. It's a deal breaker. He stands up and says something like get

1016
01:08:06.920 --> 01:08:16.680
out of my face. And he walks out my door. I'm telling you, I'm talking about a guy that I was

1017
01:08:16.680 --> 01:08:24.080
getting candy and roses on a weekly daily basis. I love you, you know, 20 times a day take, well, he

1018
01:08:24.080 --> 01:08:29.240
did take me to urgent care twice when I was having a breathing problem. Didn't want to leave, you

1019
01:08:29.240 --> 01:08:43.000
know, he stood outside the exam room, all concerned. I mean, he just flipped. It's hurtful.

1020
01:08:43.560 --> 01:08:50.040
Yeah, that's hurtful. You didn't deserve that. It sounds like though he came to pick a fight so you

1021
01:08:50.040 --> 01:08:56.560
can break up with him. Because he kept ignoring, ignoring you, kept ignoring you. Then he came over

1022
01:08:56.560 --> 01:09:03.200
aggressively and said hurtful things that he knew you would say, you know, especially tapping on

1023
01:09:03.200 --> 01:09:08.359
those things, your marriages and those hurtful things. It sounds like he was very intentional in

1024
01:09:08.359 --> 01:09:08.560
that.

1025
01:09:10.399 --> 01:09:19.200
Yeah. And so, um, I was upset and it just so happened that friend, because I demoted far away

1026
01:09:19.200 --> 01:09:28.040
guy an hour away to friend because I made the decision to be exclusive with a close guy. And so

1027
01:09:28.240 --> 01:09:35.160
the far away guy was concerned about my health because honestly, I've, they think I might have a

1028
01:09:35.160 --> 01:09:40.960
form of COPD, but I, they thought I had pneumonia. They thought I had cancer, a spot in my lungs

1029
01:09:40.960 --> 01:09:48.120
that was nullified. So I have not been healthy the last three weeks. And so friend, oh night a

1030
01:09:48.160 --> 01:09:57.080
friend, you know, one hour away friend contacted me when I was crying and bawling after the local guy

1031
01:09:57.080 --> 01:10:00.000
and he said, I want to be with you. I want to be with you. I'm

1032
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.080
sorry, I want to you need somebody there. And I says, Well, no, don't come an hour

1033
01:10:04.080 --> 01:10:08.920
away. But what you can do is, is we can talk on the phone, you know, just talk to

1034
01:10:08.920 --> 01:10:16.040
me, talk me down. He did. He actually got me laughing. Long story short. He said,

1035
01:10:16.040 --> 01:10:20.760
Can we be boyfriend and girlfriend? I mean, my life is like, actually, what he

1036
01:10:20.760 --> 01:10:25.100
said is, is I would like to take it more than that. Can we be because Okay, can we

1037
01:10:25.100 --> 01:10:33.260
be pre and in the pre engagement period is what he said. Yeah. He said, I said,

1038
01:10:33.260 --> 01:10:36.860
Well, is that like boyfriend girlfriend? He's no, it's much more than that. I

1039
01:10:36.860 --> 01:10:42.380
said, Well, why not? Because I don't I'm not in a dating anymore. It was just

1040
01:10:42.380 --> 01:10:51.140
those two. But I have known the local guy for three months and two weeks. And I

1041
01:10:51.140 --> 01:10:56.060
have known the far away and I've been communicating with a far away guy for

1042
01:10:56.060 --> 01:11:02.460
what did we decide it was two months in three weeks. So almost a week, two weeks

1043
01:11:02.460 --> 01:11:08.780
apart, something like that. So yeah, I have we have talked a lot on the phone.

1044
01:11:09.100 --> 01:11:14.540
And this weekend, we spent eight hours, he came down and we spent eight hours and

1045
01:11:14.540 --> 01:11:21.700
literally just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. But I guess I just thought just

1046
01:11:21.740 --> 01:11:26.100
giving you an update what happened and to warn these women, I mean, this, the

1047
01:11:26.100 --> 01:11:34.300
local guy, he just, you know, said all the right things did all the right

1048
01:11:34.300 --> 01:11:39.460
things. He he went to my church every week, even when I was sick and couldn't

1049
01:11:39.460 --> 01:11:43.380
make it. He's in church, he's friends with now friends with a pastor, blah,

1050
01:11:43.540 --> 01:11:49.220
he just warmed his way into my couple of my kids in the church. And and not and

1051
01:11:49.260 --> 01:11:54.580
but I have never been. He actually he looked at me and said, I said something

1052
01:11:54.580 --> 01:11:58.580
like, oh, he said, I can sign my wife's name because I'm a power attorney. And

1053
01:11:58.660 --> 01:12:02.980
I've been a power attorney for both my parents. And now my aunt I said, once

1054
01:12:02.980 --> 01:12:07.540
they're dead, power of attorney is non existent. You know, you can't sign for

1055
01:12:07.540 --> 01:12:11.700
them when they're dead as power attorney, executor, you can do it. You

1056
01:12:11.700 --> 01:12:15.900
can do it. But anyways, without the legal details. And I and he said, well, I

1057
01:12:15.900 --> 01:12:20.580
can and you're calling me a liar. And you lie for every one lie I tell you tell

1058
01:12:20.580 --> 01:12:25.060
five. I mean, he was just coming off like you said, like he was bound and

1059
01:12:25.060 --> 01:12:27.980
determined he was gonna nail me to the wall.

1060
01:12:29.700 --> 01:12:35.100
I think that I want to say this because I don't want any lady on this call to

1061
01:12:35.100 --> 01:12:40.180
come in fear that somebody is going to up and turn on you. I don't believe he

1062
01:12:40.180 --> 01:12:47.860
up and turned on you. I believe that you get to know people over time. And

1063
01:12:47.860 --> 01:12:52.340
there is something special about 90 days is true. But it doesn't mean that

1064
01:12:52.340 --> 01:12:55.380
people are going to up and turn on you. We want to just release you off from

1065
01:12:55.380 --> 01:12:58.940
that fear because that's not true. There are things that he said and done

1066
01:12:58.940 --> 01:13:03.820
before now get that his personality and just like if you tracked or traced, and

1067
01:13:03.820 --> 01:13:07.500
I don't think that all of his good deeds for you should be washed down the

1068
01:13:07.500 --> 01:13:12.060
hill. I'm just being real with you. I don't agree. I believe that people can

1069
01:13:12.060 --> 01:13:17.700
be both. They're not wanting and we can be both. You can just as sure as you can

1070
01:13:17.700 --> 01:13:23.900
be kind, you can be not so kind. Every one of us have areas in our life, you can

1071
01:13:23.900 --> 01:13:28.780
come out some gentle woman, if I trigger you right, you'll come be a rant raving

1072
01:13:28.780 --> 01:13:33.500
crazy woman start throwing stuff all over the place. Was the part of you that

1073
01:13:33.500 --> 01:13:37.340
cooked the meal not the woman that cooked the meal? Was the part of you the

1074
01:13:37.340 --> 01:13:41.020
woman who was gentle and kind not that woman? Yes, you were that woman, but you

1075
01:13:41.020 --> 01:13:45.100
were the other person also. And so I think that is important that we

1076
01:13:45.100 --> 01:13:51.420
understand that we can be both people. And I think he came there to pick a bone

1077
01:13:51.420 --> 01:13:55.660
with you. He knew that you were ending it with him. And maybe he wanted to end it

1078
01:13:55.660 --> 01:14:04.620
on his terms. But I don't believe that he is a mark for us to mark men by. Well, I

1079
01:14:04.620 --> 01:14:08.860
just know when you when I said 30 days and like all of a sudden I started

1080
01:14:08.860 --> 01:14:22.540
seeing the bad that you said that's usually around the time period. You do, you get to see people more fully. That's why Jackie encourages us to take our time. She says do 90 days, but if you can't at least 60 days before you go

1081
01:14:22.540 --> 01:14:26.460
exclusive. But at the three months, four months, five months, you start to see

1082
01:14:26.460 --> 01:14:32.620
people more fully. And so, but I don't want anyone fearing that somebody's gonna

1083
01:14:32.620 --> 01:14:36.300
up and turn on you. We're gonna pace well. We're gonna guard our heart with our

1084
01:14:36.300 --> 01:14:39.660
diligence. And they're gonna operate on the boundaries and everything's gonna be

1085
01:14:39.660 --> 01:14:47.020
just fine. Because people are gonna show up. We're people. We're people. Yeah, but

1086
01:14:47.020 --> 01:14:53.740
Gail, well, you were gonna break up with him. I'm sorry he said those mean things.

1087
01:14:53.740 --> 01:14:59.260
But it was for the good because he wasn't, he was not, he was not respecting your

1088
01:14:59.260 --> 01:15:01.820
boundaries.

1089
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:06.620
Okay, was not he was not and so however he had to leave and he I tell you what

1090
01:15:07.120 --> 01:15:09.320
You were trying to keep him around as a friend

1091
01:15:09.320 --> 01:15:15.160
I believe that you got done a favor when he came there acting that way with you. You still want him to be your friend?

1092
01:15:17.280 --> 01:15:19.280
No

1093
01:15:19.800 --> 01:15:23.760
Exactly you told me well, you know, we could be friends. I said, yeah

1094
01:15:23.760 --> 01:15:27.840
Well, why are you trying to keep him as a friend? You want to feel the space in your life?

1095
01:15:27.840 --> 01:15:33.440
You want to keep something around and I said, well, you know, I don't agree with this keep him as a friend

1096
01:15:33.440 --> 01:15:37.880
But now don't worry. He said enough. You ain't keeping him around

1097
01:15:40.680 --> 01:15:46.520
Okay, let me move to Tiffany we got like four minutes thank you for sharing hey Tiffany

1098
01:15:48.040 --> 01:15:54.280
Okay fast so I had two first dates this weekend

1099
01:15:54.280 --> 01:15:56.280
It was um

1100
01:15:56.920 --> 01:15:58.920
and I I

1101
01:15:59.360 --> 01:16:02.000
kind of struggled with having the two because I

1102
01:16:02.640 --> 01:16:08.160
It was something I had to work through. I literally had to tell the Lord. I'm not a floozy

1103
01:16:10.800 --> 01:16:16.960
And I know like I'm I got over that right so the first date was

1104
01:16:18.120 --> 01:16:20.120
Horrible, it was

1105
01:16:20.680 --> 01:16:22.680
awful

1106
01:16:23.680 --> 01:16:30.760
And I see why now the Lord had the second one planned because it was so bad

1107
01:16:30.760 --> 01:16:33.320
I even told the Lord after we left I

1108
01:16:33.840 --> 01:16:41.160
See what you did because I probably would have gone into a shell and just been like forget it. I'm done

1109
01:16:41.160 --> 01:16:43.160
um, I

1110
01:16:44.240 --> 01:16:49.200
Knew there was no way on earth that there was gonna be a second date with this guy

1111
01:16:50.040 --> 01:16:56.600
But the date like I'm waiting on the waiter to come and bring the ticket and I'm like God just get him here, please

1112
01:16:57.320 --> 01:16:59.320
and he said

1113
01:16:59.360 --> 01:17:04.360
So, you know like this has been going great and I'm thinking are you sitting at a different table?

1114
01:17:10.240 --> 01:17:12.800
And he said sir, are we gonna see each other again

1115
01:17:12.800 --> 01:17:14.800
Are we gonna see each other again

1116
01:17:14.960 --> 01:17:16.960
But me I froze

1117
01:17:17.760 --> 01:17:24.120
Because I just didn't want to hear this dude and I was like, well, you know, like I've got a busy schedule

1118
01:17:25.000 --> 01:17:27.000
and I've never

1119
01:17:28.440 --> 01:17:29.880
So I

1120
01:17:29.880 --> 01:17:38.400
Left and later that night message him. It ain't good. It was even worse. So my question is I need some verbiage

1121
01:17:39.480 --> 01:17:41.480
for if that happens again

1122
01:17:43.440 --> 01:17:45.440
I say that cuz that was awful

1123
01:17:46.760 --> 01:17:49.680
Well, you can always wait till you get home and takes it

1124
01:17:50.240 --> 01:17:56.880
I mean that's kind of challenging to say in a person's face. You can practice that muscle. You can't practice it

1125
01:17:56.880 --> 01:18:02.520
You can say like hey, um, this didn't turn out the way I thought it would so we're not gonna see each other again

1126
01:18:02.520 --> 01:18:08.080
But that can be challenging to say in front of a person. I don't even know if I could pull that off

1127
01:18:08.080 --> 01:18:09.600
I'm not comparing you to me

1128
01:18:09.600 --> 01:18:13.920
But I'm telling you I'm not gonna give you some advice that I don't think I could pull out

1129
01:18:14.120 --> 01:18:19.080
So what I'm saying to you is they said we can have another you so well, let's let's look into it

1130
01:18:19.080 --> 01:18:21.400
Let's look into it. You can say something like that

1131
01:18:21.400 --> 01:18:24.200
And then when you get home you can voice message them

1132
01:18:24.200 --> 01:18:28.000
You can talk to them over the phone and tell them or you can text them

1133
01:18:28.000 --> 01:18:30.520
But you can get on the phone and say hey, you know

1134
01:18:31.160 --> 01:18:34.400
Thank you for the experience. I don't want to go any further

1135
01:18:34.400 --> 01:18:38.080
I wasn't able to tell you this face to face because it was just hard for me

1136
01:18:38.080 --> 01:18:40.080
But I want to tell you now

1137
01:18:40.200 --> 01:18:43.240
Yeah, and I did and it was awful

1138
01:18:43.240 --> 01:18:48.560
I ended up having to block the guy the guy messaged me on a different phone number

1139
01:18:48.560 --> 01:18:53.400
Oh, I blocked that number and then today three days later

1140
01:18:53.640 --> 01:18:59.880
He could he messages me on a different phone number and I'm like, oh lord

1141
01:19:00.800 --> 01:19:06.200
So no, we just got cray-cray out of the way, so it's got to be better

1142
01:19:07.200 --> 01:19:09.200
Better it always

1143
01:19:09.480 --> 01:19:15.880
So I went on the second date and the next day. Yeah, totally redeemed it

1144
01:19:15.880 --> 01:19:17.880
It was a beautiful date

1145
01:19:20.640 --> 01:19:26.880
So here's a couple of the questions one and you you kind of talked to some of this today I

1146
01:19:27.800 --> 01:19:34.240
Really want to get to know this guy now my I've only known him for a week and a half

1147
01:19:34.880 --> 01:19:38.080
So I keep telling myself that yeah

1148
01:19:39.600 --> 01:19:45.600
But in in our texting in our talking on the phone, we've got a second date planned. I

1149
01:19:46.600 --> 01:19:51.160
Am struggling with I don't want to be on the apps. I don't want to

1150
01:19:51.680 --> 01:19:56.640
Be on Facebook dating anymore just because my schedule and the bandwidth

1151
01:19:57.680 --> 01:19:59.680
But is that setting myself up?

1152
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.880
for something if I do that?

1153
01:20:03.040 --> 01:20:05.040
No, what you're saying is you just wanna invest

1154
01:20:05.040 --> 01:20:07.760
in getting to know this guy and see where it goes?

1155
01:20:07.760 --> 01:20:08.800
Yes.

1156
01:20:08.800 --> 01:20:10.040
Yeah, you can do that.

1157
01:20:10.040 --> 01:20:11.440
That's up to you.

1158
01:20:11.440 --> 01:20:16.160
But whether you stayed on the apps or whether you didn't,

1159
01:20:16.160 --> 01:20:19.920
pacing, just operating pacing, operating boundaries,

1160
01:20:19.920 --> 01:20:21.160
there's nothing wrong with it.

1161
01:20:21.160 --> 01:20:24.200
You don't have to talk to multiple people at one time.

1162
01:20:24.200 --> 01:20:25.480
Okay.

1163
01:20:25.480 --> 01:20:27.280
Yeah, so it's nothing wrong

1164
01:20:27.280 --> 01:20:29.920
with you getting to know one person.

1165
01:20:30.280 --> 01:20:34.480
And putting your energy in what you do have focused that way.

1166
01:20:35.440 --> 01:20:36.360
Okay.

1167
01:20:36.360 --> 01:20:37.680
Thank you for that.

1168
01:20:37.680 --> 01:20:39.600
I think sometimes we talk to multiple people,

1169
01:20:39.600 --> 01:20:41.760
the other times that's kind of tiring.

1170
01:20:41.760 --> 01:20:42.600
That's a lot.

1171
01:20:42.600 --> 01:20:44.040
Yes, it is a whole lot,

1172
01:20:44.040 --> 01:20:46.080
especially with everything else going on.

1173
01:20:47.520 --> 01:20:50.720
So I feel like in what you were talking about,

1174
01:20:50.720 --> 01:20:55.560
like enjoying it and you were speaking to me in that

1175
01:20:55.560 --> 01:21:00.560
because I feel like I really do enjoy talking to this guy

1176
01:21:02.120 --> 01:21:05.720
and he has not, of course, had coaching,

1177
01:21:05.720 --> 01:21:09.760
but he has already, like he sets pacing in some of it,

1178
01:21:09.760 --> 01:21:11.080
which has been really cool.

1179
01:21:11.080 --> 01:21:13.160
Cause I'm like, oh, I see what you're doing,

1180
01:21:13.160 --> 01:21:15.320
you're pacing and you don't even know it.

1181
01:21:15.320 --> 01:21:20.320
So, but I also still feel myself being very guarded

1182
01:21:21.160 --> 01:21:24.560
because I'm like, we've only known each other

1183
01:21:24.560 --> 01:21:26.120
a week and a half.

1184
01:21:26.120 --> 01:21:29.000
So how do you balance that?

1185
01:21:29.000 --> 01:21:30.880
How do you know when it is time

1186
01:21:30.880 --> 01:21:33.800
to start letting your guard down?

1187
01:21:33.800 --> 01:21:36.320
How does that look?

1188
01:21:37.440 --> 01:21:39.200
Well, we don't have guard.

1189
01:21:39.200 --> 01:21:40.960
I know this is gonna sound strange.

1190
01:21:40.960 --> 01:21:43.880
You're just operating under boundaries.

1191
01:21:43.880 --> 01:21:44.880
Okay.

1192
01:21:44.880 --> 01:21:46.440
That's you to me.

1193
01:21:46.440 --> 01:21:48.560
Right, so it's just boundaries.

1194
01:21:48.560 --> 01:21:50.640
I don't want you to feel walled up.

1195
01:21:50.640 --> 01:21:52.280
You can still be yourself,

1196
01:21:52.280 --> 01:21:55.760
but you be yourself in a paced way, right?

1197
01:21:55.760 --> 01:21:57.320
And so it's just two weeks.

1198
01:21:57.320 --> 01:21:59.920
You may talk a lot and sometimes when you talk a lot,

1199
01:21:59.920 --> 01:22:03.680
it progresses more quickly in what you say.

1200
01:22:03.680 --> 01:22:07.680
And so, so you still at two weeks,

1201
01:22:07.680 --> 01:22:09.800
let's not share any deep personal things.

1202
01:22:09.800 --> 01:22:12.820
Let's not talk about any emotional heavy things.

1203
01:22:12.820 --> 01:22:15.880
Let's not get into a lot of deep spiritual things

1204
01:22:15.880 --> 01:22:17.160
where you're reading the Bible together,

1205
01:22:17.160 --> 01:22:19.640
you're going to church together, stuff like that.

1206
01:22:19.640 --> 01:22:21.780
So, right, this is just the second week.

1207
01:22:21.780 --> 01:22:22.960
So you have time.

1208
01:22:22.960 --> 01:22:25.040
And by the time you get to the third and the fourth week,

1209
01:22:25.040 --> 01:22:28.300
you're gonna naturally start talking about more things.

1210
01:22:28.300 --> 01:22:29.760
That's natural.

1211
01:22:29.760 --> 01:22:32.920
You're gonna naturally want to know more about each other.

1212
01:22:32.920 --> 01:22:35.120
And so if you're talking a lot,

1213
01:22:35.120 --> 01:22:37.800
you may wanna slow down how much you're talking

1214
01:22:37.800 --> 01:22:40.840
because you're gonna naturally wanna talk about

1215
01:22:40.840 --> 01:22:43.720
more deeper level things,

1216
01:22:43.720 --> 01:22:45.320
which when you start sharing things

1217
01:22:45.320 --> 01:22:47.680
that are closer to your heart,

1218
01:22:47.680 --> 01:22:49.280
what's gonna happen is some of your heart

1219
01:22:49.280 --> 01:22:50.580
is gonna be going out.

1220
01:22:52.760 --> 01:22:54.000
Makes sense.

1221
01:22:54.000 --> 01:22:56.240
And right now you're in the getting to know phase

1222
01:22:56.240 --> 01:22:58.820
so that you can make a decision later on.

1223
01:23:00.040 --> 01:23:02.720
And so find really fun things to talk about

1224
01:23:02.720 --> 01:23:04.520
that helps you get to know that person

1225
01:23:04.520 --> 01:23:06.840
versus your personal, personal world,

1226
01:23:06.840 --> 01:23:09.000
like deep personal things.

1227
01:23:09.000 --> 01:23:10.280
But I'm telling you, week three,

1228
01:23:10.280 --> 01:23:11.400
you're gonna be talking about things

1229
01:23:11.400 --> 01:23:13.200
you didn't talk about at week one.

1230
01:23:13.200 --> 01:23:14.920
Week four, you're gonna be talking about things

1231
01:23:15.560 --> 01:23:16.640
you weren't talking about at week two.

1232
01:23:16.640 --> 01:23:18.780
That's natural and it's normal.

1233
01:23:20.400 --> 01:23:21.720
Yeah.

1234
01:23:21.720 --> 01:23:23.160
All right.

1235
01:23:23.160 --> 01:23:24.240
Oh, go ahead.

1236
01:23:24.240 --> 01:23:25.720
And if you did talk about something

1237
01:23:25.720 --> 01:23:27.640
that probably wasn't this, it's okay.

1238
01:23:27.640 --> 01:23:29.080
It's what it is.

1239
01:23:29.080 --> 01:23:32.680
You're older, like there's so many different factors in it.

1240
01:23:32.680 --> 01:23:34.560
It's not the end of, you know.

1241
01:23:34.560 --> 01:23:35.920
Yeah.

1242
01:23:35.920 --> 01:23:37.440
Okay, thank you.

1243
01:23:37.440 --> 01:23:38.280
You're welcome.

1244
01:23:38.280 --> 01:23:41.680
Last is when do you determine

1245
01:23:41.680 --> 01:23:46.040
if you actually have a connection versus the intensity?

1246
01:23:46.040 --> 01:23:48.520
How do you determine that?

1247
01:23:49.440 --> 01:23:53.060
You're just a week and a half in, it's probably intensity.

1248
01:23:54.760 --> 01:23:55.800
So how do you determine?

1249
01:23:55.800 --> 01:23:57.920
You can't determine this early

1250
01:23:57.920 --> 01:23:59.160
because it's still very early.

1251
01:23:59.160 --> 01:24:00.240
They're still exciting.

1252
01:24:00.240 --> 01:24:02.360
You still wanna know things about them.

1253
01:24:02.360 --> 01:24:04.140
You just, you wanna talk to them.

1254
01:24:04.140 --> 01:24:05.840
You wanna spend time with them.

1255
01:24:05.840 --> 01:24:08.840
And so all of that is like nature doing its work,

1256
01:24:08.840 --> 01:24:10.060
boy meets girl.

1257
01:24:11.840 --> 01:24:14.320
It's something pulling you to that person,

1258
01:24:14.320 --> 01:24:15.160
like pulling you.

1259
01:24:15.160 --> 01:24:15.980
You wanna be around them.

1260
01:24:15.980 --> 01:24:17.200
You wanna talk to them.

1261
01:24:17.200 --> 01:24:20.240
And so now's not the time to determine about a connection.

1262
01:24:20.240 --> 01:24:21.200
You do feel a connection,

1263
01:24:21.200 --> 01:24:23.380
but that connection could be solely intensity.

1264
01:24:23.380 --> 01:24:27.200
But if you give it four weeks, you give it eight weeks,

1265
01:24:27.200 --> 01:24:29.320
you give it, you know, you go into two months,

1266
01:24:29.320 --> 01:24:32.280
you'll be able to start defining things.

1267
01:24:32.280 --> 01:24:34.440
And that's why it's so important

1268
01:24:34.440 --> 01:24:36.880
to just have a lot of fun right now.

1269
01:24:36.880 --> 01:24:37.980
Enjoy the intensity.

1270
01:24:37.980 --> 01:24:40.360
Don't let the intensity dictate to you.

1271
01:24:41.320 --> 01:24:43.720
So recognize this is intense.

1272
01:24:43.720 --> 01:24:44.960
This is fun.

1273
01:24:44.960 --> 01:24:46.920
These are my boundaries.

1274
01:24:47.800 --> 01:24:49.320
Okay.

1275
01:24:49.320 --> 01:24:50.880
That makes sense.

1276
01:24:50.880 --> 01:24:52.200
Thank you.

1277
01:24:52.200 --> 01:24:53.040
Thank you.

1278
01:24:53.040 --> 01:24:54.440
Yeah, feel the feels.

1279
01:24:55.920 --> 01:24:58.740
Don't let the feelings make decisions.

1280
01:24:59.740 --> 01:25:00.580
Gotcha.

1281
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:08.840
Yeah, I hear you. I hear you. Thank you. You're welcome. All right, ladies, it has been a

1282
01:25:08.840 --> 01:25:14.400
wonderful night. I hope you ladies sleep well on tonight and post, post, post and we look

1283
01:25:14.400 --> 01:25:24.240
forward to seeing you all soon. Good night. Thank you, Ebony. You're welcome.