Okay, so welcome to April 16th session of dating, talking online dating, all dating,
speed dating.
And so buckle up.
What I always start my sessions with is things that I see in the chat that get asked.
And I'm like, ooh, that's a good topic in case people didn't see the answers, I want
to like highlight them.
So I always start with that.
And we're going to do some scaling questions, I've got some questions for you to do some
self inventory.
And then we're going to do some role playing either you guys can ask me hard questions
that you get stumped with on dates or phone calls.
Or you're going to get in the seat and I get to ask you questions and I will put the timer
on for two minutes and then give you my feedback afterwards.
No shame in this game.
So two rules of engagement for tonight.
One, y'all like smile.
Like I can't tell you how many times when you guys raise your hand, ask me or Jackie
a question and y'all look like upset, like smile, someone's going to be watching this
in replay.
Like we want to like recommend y'all to other people.
So you can't like look all broody and moody, like fake it, you know, just do your thing.
So smile, smile and create energy right in the room.
Number two, watch about how you guys talk about other people in this community.
So this is a co-ed class.
So if you have a question, when we get to questions, because I will allow for, I always
allow for questions.
When we get to questions, please do not say I'm dating this guy or this girl in the program
and this is what they're doing that I don't like or whatever.
We don't like, this has happened a few times and people have reached out to us after the
fact and was like, oh my gosh, he was totally talking about me or she was totally talking
about me.
And it can feel really embarrassing because you're thinking nobody knew who you were talking
about, but the person who's being talked about know it's them and so then they feel
like everybody knows and so we want to be really kind.
And so you don't have to tell us it's somebody from this community.
You can say like, hey, I went on a date with a girl, that's it, we don't need to know that
she's from here, but just realize she or he might be in the room.
So let's just be kind when we have that conversation.
Also since I don't have Cheryl, I will be periodically looking at the questions.
And if I miss a question, feel free to raise your hand and make sure I get to you.
My husband's flight was delayed and so he's on his way back.
He's somewhere on the plane still.
So you guys got my full attention tonight.
Okay.
All right.
So I want to summarize the three words that Jackie gave last month and I want to give
you a real life example.
So how many remember in the love seats, Jackie talked about in the first 90 days, you're
going to go after clarity, no, curiosity, clarity, commitment.
You guys remember those three C's she said?
The first, so she kind of talked about it, the first month is curiosity.
So here's the thing you guys, when you're talking to somebody in that first month, you
actually need to be talking to them.
You actually need to see their face, whether it's on a video or in person.
So I don't want anybody spending 30 days just texting somebody.
So that is far too long.
And now, and I saw somebody just posted about this and somebody said, I don't want to, like
I don't want to go chasing, I'm dropping the hanky.
I had a wonderful coaching call and she's on the call, so she'll know I'm talking about
her, but she's like, I totally thought I dropped the hanky and I'm like, girl, that was not
dropping the hanky.
That was barely, that was barely dropping a tissue.
I mean, it was like it floated in the air.
And so to me, like, I feel like, especially with online dating, when you guys have texted
for a few days, it is okay for you to say, Hey, look, just so you know, I'm enjoying
talking to you, but a lot of questions I would rather ask when we can see or hear each other.
I'm kind of a big fan of full communication.
So whether we do that on video or in person, you know, by the end of the week, I really
like to move to a live conversation.
Is that something you're interested in?
If they then go, Hey, give me your phone number.
Do not.
I know a lot of you get a Google voice number.
You can still do that.
But I'm saying to you, giving out your phone number at that step is not good enough because
all you're going to do potentially is continue the texting conversation, right?
You're not booking the video date.
So if they say, well, give me your number, you just say, you know what, actually, I just
like to, my preference is for us to see each other live first.
So if that's on a video or in person, my preference is for us to do that.
So there's no mistaking our tone and flexion and whatever.
And after that first conversation where we can see each other's face, I'd be happy to
give you my phone number.
And they were like, well, Renee, what if they keep texting me
and they don't book the video date or the live date?
Then you just stop texting.
It's really that simple.
You just stop.
You just say, hey, you know what?
I really do want to keep this conversation going,
but I'm not going to do it by text.
And you then have to be willing for them to ditch you.
But we don't care, because a guy or girl that's
interested in you is actually going to want to book the date.
OK.
I've given out my number specifically
saying to book a date.
Well, oh.
Yeah.
I think that's different.
And Chris, you're the guy.
So hopefully, if you're getting phone numbers and giving it,
you're actually locking down that call and video.
OK.
So that's the thing.
So a lot of you are getting stuck in the texting.
Like somebody's like, oh, we texted for three weeks.
No, no.
No more.
You're not waiting three weeks.
Because if the first month is curiosity,
you need to see what they look like.
You need to see how they dress.
You want to see how they talk, what their diction is like,
what their accent is like, what their mannerisms are like,
how they treat the waiter.
I mean, all of those things.
Otherwise, you're just making up stuff in your head.
So curiosity means you actually get to see them.
OK.
So that's the first one.
And here's a perfect example of that.
So when I met Brian, our, and I was actually
really proud of myself.
I know our relationship went at the speed of light,
but we actually did follow Jackie's 30-30-30.
So the first 30 days, Brian was on vacation
for two of those weeks, and then I was on vacation.
So we could only do two live dates in our first 30 days.
So we did a lot of FaceTime dates.
And once we FaceTimed the first time,
we never not FaceTimed after that.
Like every time we got on the call,
it was we saw each other's face.
And we probably broke all the rules
on how long you're supposed to be on FaceTime
and how many times a week you're supposed to talk to them.
But here's what I can tell you what we didn't do.
We did not text at all throughout the day.
We did not do this texting thing.
So we actually looked forward to talking to each other.
And in the spirit of curiosity and not over-commitment
and over-sharing, we asked a lot of present-day conversation
things.
We asked about our current life, what
we like to do, where we were going.
So we actually got to know each other today.
I didn't learn too much about Brian 20 years ago,
or even Brian six years ago.
He didn't learn.
He hardly learned about anything about Hope Clinic, which
was my life for 20 years.
Not in that first month, he got to know who Renee is today.
The second month is clarity.
So clarity means, are they saying what they mean?
Are they meaning what they say?
So at this point, you are paying attention
to less to what they say and more what they do.
So that's where their actions and their words
need to line up.
Also, for clarity, guess what you want to do for clarity?
Put them in front of your people.
Maybe not your mother and your father and your siblings.
And maybe that's uncomfortable.
Like, I actually found the first second.
So of the second month, Brian came to town
every single weekend.
I found a godly married couple in the church
to put him in front of.
People that I knew, they weren't my besties.
We did not hang out.
But I was like, hey, I've been talking
to this guy for a month.
I think he's a good guy.
But you know what?
I'm not going to mess around, because I've
picked some douchebags.
So I'm not going to do that this time.
I want your opinion.
I want you guys to tell me if my picker is off.
And so I kind of always made sure
that we had alone time, doing fun activities,
but we always met with other people.
I did not pick my jaded single friends to meet him.
I picked happy, healthy, godly married people to meet him.
So that's clarity.
Clarity is making sure his or her actions line up
with their words.
And you're putting people in front of them.
And you're watching them in a group setting,
whether it's at an escape game, at the bowling
alley, at a restaurant.
You're paying attention to how your person
behaves with other people.
So you don't want to have so many secluded dates
in that second month.
You're now starting to see what they're like out in the wild.
And then, of course, third month is about commitment.
Where is this going?
You're not talking about marriage,
but you're all like, hey, are we exclusive?
Do we see this going somewhere?
Is it a yes until it's no?
And here's what I can tell you.
And I learned this lesson the hard way.
There was a man I was dating pretty early in this community.
He was not in our community.
But I was pretty early into our program.
And I kept hearing, it's a yes until it's a no.
It's a yes, no, until it's a no.
You guys, I was never physically attracted to him.
He was a sweet man, but I was never
attracted to him, which made our phone calls.
really easy and our video dates really easy,
but it made our in-person dates a little uncomfortable.
And it was way too easy to be abstinent.
You know, if it's too easy to be abstinent,
you know, you're like, eh, not so sure about that.
And so I would say by the commitment,
if you've been talking and hanging out
for a couple of months,
do not go exclusive and start talking about a future
if at that point you have not grown some attraction.
Like, so if it's now been 60 days out
and you're like, yeah, I could sleep in the bed
next to him or her and I probably wouldn't do anything.
That might be a good sign that you've not connected.
So I would be really careful by that point
of starting to talk about the future
with somebody that you don't wanna make out with.
Now I can tell you, you know, six months married,
you guys, sex is an important part of the marriage,
but I promise you, Jackie always says this,
you wanna marry your best friend and she is not wrong.
Like, Brian's friendship with me
matters way more than the sex.
And so I don't want you to freak out
about the whole sex thing.
Okay, so those are the three things.
Now I wanna go to seven quick hot topics.
So these were the topics I saw in the feed.
Actually, let me pause right there.
Did anybody have any questions about curiosity phase,
clarity phase, commitment phase?
So I'm really just regurgitating what Jackie said,
but I wanted to give you my real life experience.
Oh, in the commitment stage,
that's when I started introducing Brian to my family
and he started introducing me to his family.
So that's when the families started to meet each other
because we actually thought we wanted to make a commitment
and we were like, man, you know what?
I think you could be the one.
I'll be okay if you're not the one,
but I think I could see myself-
Can you get my money for me, babe?
That's where, okay.
I need to mute somebody who's not muted.
Okay.
Okay, Tammy, what's your question, girl?
Where'd you go?
Tammy, did you have a question?
Where'd you go?
Trying to unmute, trying to unmute.
Okay, then.
Sorry.
Yeah, I was trying to find the button.
I've had several guys on Facebook dating
right off the bat, ask me something like
how affectionate I am with whoever the guy is that I'm with.
And I'm thinking, why?
Do you want to get your hands on me
on our first date or something?
Well, I mean-
I don't understand why they ask that.
Well, I mean, we kind of feel like it's pretty,
I mean, usually, here's the thing.
We don't need to know why they're asking you.
Chances are either A, physical touch
is a big part of their life.
Whoever they were with
wasn't giving them enough physical touch
and or they cannot be satiated.
And so they want too much.
And so we usually see that as a orange, if not red flag,
if somebody is asking about affection pretty early on.
And so you can just,
but how you can ward it off is just say something simple as,
you know what, I'm really affectionate
with the person that I'm in a committed relationship with,
but that's definitely not something that I do
in a discovery stage with somebody.
And if they say, well, can you explain about that more?
Actually, no, I can't.
That's probably as much information as is appropriate
at this point, since I'm just getting to know you.
Then you lock it down.
I promise you, if he doesn't care about that,
he'll let it go.
If he's all handsy and wants to have sex quickly,
then he's going to move on
and you just need to be okay with that.
Jessica.
Hey, yeah, thanks Renee.
Mine is quick.
What if you went on a date with a guy who's divorced?
I'm just wondering, I think I know the answer,
but in which phase that you just spoke about
would I ask about that?
Because certainly I'm curious,
but I don't know if it comes in curiosity or in clarity.
Definitely not in curiosity.
So here's all I ask when I'm talking to a divorced person,
when I would talk to a divorced person,
what is the one thing that you've learned about yourself
that you might do differently going forward
in your next relationship?
So I want to know less about the dirt
and more about what they've learned.
So I think that's a fair, curious question.
What have you learned about yourself
that you think you might do differently?
Now, if they reply with something crappy about her
or she does the same thing, guys,
if she just answers that and craps on the person,
that person has not owned their side of the street.
So in that curiosity stage, nobody should be dumping.
And you guys, this happens all the stinking time.
I can't tell you how many girls and guys.
in this community, you find out on the first day that the ex has cheated.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You shouldn't be knowing that of a complete stranger.
Like, you don't need to know that.
You can just say, you know what?
I mean, because it's because there's no fast answer.
And so I would say at the Curie, at the clarity stage
and again at the clarity stage with Brian, I learned a little bit more.
I started to learn a little bit more, but it really wasn't
until the commitment month, the third month,
that I finally had a better handle on what happened in his marriage.
OK, so I was three months in in that.
OK, so hopefully.
So it's like you're learning a little bit more each time.
So it's not like nothing and then everything.
It's like a little bit more.
But I'm most concerned up front how healthy they are.
Have they done their right?
Are they going to do different?
I'll take one more question and then I'm going to keep going.
But Mel, you got it, girl.
Hi, Renee, how are you?
Can you hear me? I can.
I'm sorry, I'm not camera ready because I'm cooking.
But so at the beginning, I was wondering, what would you think or
what advices would you give me in this case where I'm not dating yet this guy?
But I think we like each other and we've been texting back and forth.
And sometimes he takes like up to three days to reply back.
No. Why are you guys just how long have you just been texting?
Not too long, maybe a month or two.
OK, do you remember what I just said, like seven and a half minutes ago
about how long you should be texting somebody before you see each other in person?
We live in different states far away.
Have you done a video chat? No.
OK, so that's so my answer stays the same.
If you guys are in different states, you text one week, two tops, two tops
before you go, hey, you know what?
I'm looking to date somebody in real life.
So the next appropriate step would be to get on a video chat,
especially if we're long distance.
It's probably going to be a couple of months before we can see each other.
And just so just to remind you guys, Jackie and I are really big on
if you are dating somebody long distance and you really like them,
you've got to get that first visit in within that first 90 days.
OK, because otherwise you're kind of dating a fantasy
like you don't really know how they are in real life.
And you could start to unload a lot of information about yourselves
when only all you're doing is just talking and staring at each other on a screen.
So that escalates things really, really fast.
So one week, two weeks tops.
You're going to switch it to, hey, I'm looking to date in real life.
So the next step would be this.
And they're either going to jump on board with you and get on a video
or come meet you for coffee or they're not.
And if somebody says to you, I can't really afford it.
And here's the thing you have to think about, you guys,
if you cannot afford to hop on a plane within 90 days
to see somebody that you're starting to talk to,
then I'm not sure you're financially able to be dating somebody that far away.
You should only be talking to somebody a plane right away
if you guys can afford to get on the plane to go see each other.
Does that make sense?
Like there's no dating somebody in there because like I will be honest with you
guys while I'm in college, while I'm finishing seminary,
I was really honest with Brian.
I was like and there was actually a couple people I was talking to.
One was like out in L.A.
And I'm like, just so you know,
I don't really have the money right now to fly to you.
So if you don't have the money to come see me, which I get,
you might feel like that's not fair.
Then we probably can't keep talking because it's just logistically
not going to happen.
So sometimes it's just you guys, sometimes it doesn't sound sexy,
but it's just logic. It's just logistics.
Like if you don't have the logistics today, it's why Jackie doesn't want
two out of state people with kids, with parenting plans to even start dating.
She's like, because if there's a clear
parenting plan that keeps you three states away from each other,
then y'all shouldn't be dating because she doesn't want either parent
to take the kids away from the other parent.
You know what I'm saying?
So sometimes it's just practical. It's not sexy and exciting.
OK, so here's some of the hot topics I saw this this last month.
First one, I picked seven.
I was like to do God's holy number.
OK, as somebody said, in essence, she said, I'm pretty successful.
Got a great job, got money.
And I always hear that I'm intimidating
as somebody who used to be a CEO making good money and all that.
Like I used to hear that a lot, too.
And a lot of like a lot of women ran to the thing to say, it's not you, it's him.
He's got a problem with you.
So my answer is maybe, maybe.
Maybe it is him, maybe it is her.
And here's the thing, we have to remember the energy,
like for women, we have to remember
we're supposed to come in with soft, feminine energy.
So the question I would have,
it's not that you have too many degrees,
you're making too much money, you're too successful,
but are you bringing that masculine powerhouse energy
into the room that's making him feel that way?
So it's always a good opportunity
before you assume he's the idiot,
let's assume that you might need to check your spirit.
So always go, what is there for me to learn?
For men, you might be doing the same thing.
You might be saying, oh my gosh, she's too much,
she's too loud, she's too whatever.
It's also an opportunity for you to check your spirit
and go, am I showing up masculine enough?
Or am I showing up passive?
So usually, so whenever somebody says something
and you're thinking, oh, I used to get that too.
So, and you guys, I wanted to tell you,
I did this program perfectly.
And while I was still working at Hope Clinic,
I thought I was all feminine and soft.
Every couple, every godly couple that I told you
I put in front of Brian in that first, that second month,
every single couple said, Renee, this is the softest.
Ooh, there's like a little power outage.
I do have my phone.
So if I have to, if I get kicked out for any reason,
don't fret, I will come back in on my phone
and we will start again.
I'm just gonna speak against what's going on
in the name of Jesus, I'm just saying though.
Okay, so all that to say, I thought I was being feminine
and I thought I was being soft,
but it took like three couples in a row to say,
Renee, this is the softest we've ever seen you.
And I was like, ah, dang it,
maybe I still had more softness to go.
So men make sure you're being masculine,
women make sure you're being feminine, boom.
Okay, number two, I hear this phrase more from the women
than the men, but sometimes you'll say,
I was out on a date and I got triggered.
And so I hear that word triggered a lot.
We all, we've all kind of outused the word trigger.
I got triggered.
And when we say things like I got triggered,
sometimes we think it's our crap coming back up again.
It might be, but guess what it also might be?
It also might be your secure attachment,
healthy whole healed heart flagging on their stuff.
And it feels like a trigger,
but cause you've never noticed it before,
but now you've learned how to spot unhealth
because you're now healthier.
So whenever you say I'm getting triggered,
don't assume it's you, maybe it's you,
consider that it might be you, but also go,
hmm, Holy Spirit, are you telling me something?
Like, is this my radar?
So instead of me thinking, what am I doing wrong?
Is this my radar?
Okay, so that's what I would say about the trigger.
And then at this end of this section,
I'll let you guys ask me anything specific
about what I'm saying right now.
Number three, and I think I've already said this,
but it's let them show you more than they tell you.
Let them show you more than they tell you.
So a lot of times when I see you guys kind of regurgitating,
well, this is what he said, this is what she said.
And I'm always like, yeah, but what are they doing?
But what are they doing?
So definitely by like, there was never a time
Brian's words weren't matching his actions.
Words and actions were neck and neck.
So you wanna make sure that no one's over-promising
ahead of their actions.
You wanna make sure that actions are pacing words.
Number four, I know a lot of people get tripped up
on the curiosity phase of dating,
especially if you're older, you're like,
I don't like dating more than one person at a time.
I can tell you this, once Brian had his first video with me,
he was like, I was done.
He was like, I shut down my Facebook page.
He didn't tell me that, but he was done.
He was like ready for it to be me.
He was also 61 years old.
So this idea of discovery dating,
he'd already been out on the apps long enough.
He was like, he's like, I'm good.
Like I found you, I wanna keep talking to you
and I don't need to talk to four other women
while I'm doing it.
But remember in that discovery stage,
it's assuming that you're being curious
and you're not being romantic.
So I don't call it dating four people at the same time.
I call it, you're learning about complete strangers.
That's what you're doing.
You're learning about complete strangers.
And so that's different than dating
where you're gonna like hold hands and stuff.
Now, some of you are in different seasons of this dating
and you might be like, Renee, I've logged like 50 dates.
Cause y'all, that's where I was when it was Brian.
Like, I mean, I had been there, done that
and you know, and bought the.
bought the farm. And so I didn't need to be dating him and four other guys at the same time.
I did put my thing on pause. I didn't completely get rid of it like he did. I put mine on pause
and I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to pay attention to this. I'm busy. I don't have
a lot of time and I've already done enough discovery dating. I kind of want to see where
this goes. So let it free you. Don't feel like you're dating multiple people. And if you've
been out there a long time and you want to start to focus in on one person, like you guys, we're
trying to give you guidelines here. Not to like, oh my gosh, they're telling me I have to date
five people. We're not telling you that. So hopefully that helps you. Five, I asked all the
guys in the program here what they're looking most for in a woman. Do you want to know what
they had to say? This is what they had to say. They are looking for feminine. So feminine.
I can't tell you how many times I run into women from this program and y'all aren't dressing
feminine. Remember like in phase two, in the, like the dating challenge, Jackie challenges
women to put dresses on, wear jewelry and put on some makeup. Yeah, girls. So if you're single,
unless you're going to an all female, whatever it is, you should try to look feminine almost all of
the time. Even if you're coming to hang out with me. So like, cause maybe if you're coming to hang
out with me or your girlfriend, if you're looking adorable, she might be going, oh my gosh, you got
to meet my friend Randy. He's right over there. He just walked in. Didn't know he was going to walk
in. So you like, you kind of want to be game ready ladies. So you want to look feminine men. The same
applies to you. Don't look like a schlep. Don't look like you just came out of Walmart at the,
you know, at the 11 PM hour, make sure you look clean shaven and showered and you have a decent
shirt on. You can put on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans and sneakers and still look amazing. So I'm
not telling you that you guys have to be dressed up, but I'm saying always be kind of game ready.
Like, I mean, I used to, you know, I've had this conversation with y'all before, so I'm not going
to beat that dead horse. So men want feminine. They want fun. They want adventure and positive
energy. Not one guy said she needs to be X height, X weight, blonde, blue eyed, hot. Not one guy said
that. They all said feminine, fun, adventurous, and positive energy. Here's also what we have to
rein in ladies. And I'm, I'm going to step on a couple of toes saying this. We don't want the at
home grandma look and grandma vibe. So if you're rocking your short gray hair, I want to see you
with cute earrings, cute top, like zazz it up in some other way. Don't pull out pictures of the
grandkids on those first couple of days, because you know how so many of you girls are like, oh my
gosh, I can never date a man who's 60. That's just so old. Or if you're 40, I can never date a man
who's 50. Well, they feel the same way when you start talking about your grandchildren. Nobody
wants to date their grandmother. So if you start using grandma, grandpa language, you know, like
all of a sudden, like, it's just like, it takes all the romance out. So leave the grandma, grandpa
conversation. Unless you're both equally rocking your grandma, grandpa look. Okay, but I have a lot
of women who are like, oh, he's too old. Yeah, but you look like you're like, looking a little
frumpy dumpy. And you're talking about your grandkids, but you're worried that he's too old.
Like I'm just saying, like, we got to like, bring our A game. And so and ladies, I'm sure you would
want to say the same thing. I suspect you would pick masculine. You would pick makes me laugh,
integrity, and a go-getter with a growth mentality, right? That's about what you
women say. Now, some of you are really picky, and you're really picky about height. And I get that.
I'm 4'11". I have no idea what y'all are worried about. However, women seem to have a height
issue more than men seem to have a weight issue. I'm just saying something to consider.
Okay, number five. Again, you guys hold this whole process loosely. There are some of you that I'm
even privately coaching. You guys are knocking it out of the park. You're doing everything I'm
asking you to do. You are making yourself available. You're rocking all the things,
and it's still not happened yet. I don't know why. I don't have a good godly answer why some of us
have to wait longer than others. I don't know why Jackie's husband showed up at her doorstep
as her next-door neighbor when the ink wasn't even dry on her divorce, and some of us had to
wait 40 years. I don't know. I'm giving you the full range. I don't have a good answer.
I can tell you this. Six years ago, Brian wasn't ready for me. He wasn't healthy yet. So some of
the waiting wasn't because I was doing something wrong. It was because God was still working in
Brian. And you know what? As much as I hate that I had to wait to find my husband until I was 57,
out of a lot of my newly married friends, we have probably one of the healthiest marriages already.
because both of us did so much work coming into the story.
So it's made our marriage so much easier.
So while you're in this phase and you're waiting
and you're like, but Renee, I'm doing everything.
It might not be about you.
It might be about your spirit mate.
So you just keep praying for them,
keep trusting God and keep doing the thing
and don't give up and go find other things in your life
where you're seeing the fruit of your labor
to sustain you and put hope and stay in community,
stay in community.
I've had this conversation with a couple of people.
I would not be married to Brian today
if I walked away from this program.
I promise you, I would have been off the apps.
I would have been like, that's it, peace out.
Her little last year single program, epic fail, you know?
So me staying in the community
is why I was still even on an app to begin with.
And that is the only way that I met Brian.
It may not be how you meet your person.
Like one of my dearest friends,
we finally helped her end a 16 month situationship
literally within, I mean, I've been begging her for months
to kick this guy to the curb
and he was just giving her just enough
for her to keep hanging on, keep hanging on.
Y'all, six weeks after she finally kicked him to the curb,
a friend of hers introduced her to a widower
who was finally ready to start dating.
And like, he is so smitten with her.
And I'm like, you just,
and so the fact that she met somebody so fast
after the breakup, it doesn't like, it doesn't make sense.
It is not an earned thing, you guys.
Sometimes we just live in a fallen world
and some of us take longer to get there.
Okay, that's all I wanna say about that.
Any questions about those topics I just brought up?
Kenton, you had your hand up for a bit.
So what's your quick question?
I do, if you can address the,
I don't know if it's an issue or not,
but plus more mature, older people,
I'd like to have your opinion upon grandchildren
and the aspect of,
will they want to stay close to their grandchildren
or will they actually have the ability to move away?
And what would be the consequences of either or?
Yeah, I mean, I, you know what, Kenton,
I'm glad you brought that up because I do think,
I would say this, within the third or fourth date,
it is okay for, if you are both long distance,
so I'm assuming this is if you're long distance,
if you're both long distance
and you're in your third or fourth video day,
I think it is okay for you to ask somebody,
and actually even sooner than that,
it's really, are you able to relocate?
I think that's a fair, even first video date conversation.
Hey, you know what, I'm kind of like,
I've got a business here, I've got my grandkids here,
I'm probably not gonna be able to leave
or nor do I want to leave.
I actually think that's an okay question
because the question really is how able to relocate you are.
And so if somebody says, you know what,
you know what, for the right person, I would consider it,
then I would keep the conversation going.
But if they're right from the get going,
there's no way I'm gonna leave the area.
Like I've got my business here, I've got my grandkids here,
I've got my house here, I'm not going anywhere.
So if you're personally not willing to relocate to them,
then it goes back to that other conversation that I said,
you might as well just peace out right away.
But if they are on the fence and they're like,
hey, for the right person, I would,
then it might be worth kind of hanging out a little bit
and seeing what they have to say.
Kalandra.
What do you say about also the element of,
or the thought of, you know, living six months in,
like for instance, I'm in Canada,
six months in Canada, six months in the States.
What are your thoughts on that?
I mean, I think if you're both willing to do it,
I mean, I'd be all excited living by,
hey, six months, let's live in Italy,
six months, let's do the States.
I would say if somebody is open to it
and they're in a season of life where they can do it,
I think, again, if you're talking long distance,
you guys, I think when you're talking long distance,
Jackie has said,
it's okay to ask the harder questions sooner
so that you don't go down fantasy land.
Like you might as well just find out like,
hey, would you be open to that?
No, I wouldn't be open to that.
So you really do want to see how open somebody is
and how rigid they are.
And it's not your job to make them more open.
Like, it's really not.
Okay.
Kalandra.
Yes, maybe some clarity on the difference
between like your spidey senses, your discernment,
your radar going off versus,
actually discerning red flags
versus maybe you are triggered with your own,
like some attachment suddenly in the headspace.
I recently had a situation where this guy,
he really did have a bunch of red flags up front
and he was talking about his ex, blah, blah, blah.
I like pegged him right away, wasn't divorced.
And I definitely got after him a little bit,
like pretty much like, hey, you have no business dating.
I should have just bowed out gracefully.
But I.
I think I just, I jumped to the conclusion so quickly.
Yeah, well, I will say this.
I mean, I will say this.
Sometimes we'll get it wrong.
So first, there's that.
Like, sometimes it's gonna be wrong.
But you guys, it's never our job to call somebody out
and tell them they have no business dating, right?
And I know you probably reflect back.
You probably wouldn't say that.
You just would say, you know what?
I'm looking for somebody who's got a little bit
more healthy distance from their former relationship.
And you and I don't seem to be in the same place.
And so it's a no for me for now,
but I wish you the best.
So you say it kindly, but you bow out.
Yeah.
Here's how you know it's your spidey senses
and you're using discernment and wisdom
is you actually have peace about it.
Like, you're not confused.
So discernment and wisdom is gonna come with some peace.
You might be disappointed.
You might be like, whoa, he's not safe or she's not safe.
But you're gonna have some peace about it.
I know when I'm getting triggered
and it's my stuff, my heart rate goes up.
I can't breathe.
Like I'm getting sweaty.
I'm getting cold.
I'm getting anxious.
I wanna react.
I don't wanna respond.
And my best isn't coming out.
So when I am healthy and I'm catching their red flags,
I'm still sitting secure.
And I'm able to see it with a little bit more clarity.
When I'm getting triggered,
all the things are falling apart on me.
And I can't make good decisions.
That's how I usually know.
Okay.
Thank you.
You bet.
Okay, Joanne, let me answer your question.
Okay.
My question is related to like follow up on the marriage.
Like why did they get divorced?
And then you said in the second month.
And then also regards to like,
when is it appropriate to ask
about their stance about abstinence?
The reason why, like I've personally asked this upfront
I really believe in like biblical divorce.
And I don't really wanna like invest in all this time.
And then like, they got a divorce
just because they couldn't get along
and not because of like, you know.
So I will say this.
So Joanne, if that's a deal breaker for you,
like if the man says to you,
we got divorced because of irreconcilable differences,
we were just fighting too much.
I didn't know the Lord.
If you're saying for you
that that's not a good enough answer
that there has to be infidelity
and or abuse for a divorce to be good,
then you probably do.
And here's what you could say.
You could actually say it just like that.
I need to be really honest about my views on divorce.
I will only date a divorced person
if they fit under this category.
Does that match the reason why you got divorced?
I don't need to know the details.
It's just kind of a yes or no question.
And if the answer's no, then it's no harm, no foul
but that's kind of a deal breaker for me.
So that's a way for you to find out the answer
without getting into the detail.
So if that's a hard line,
there's no way out, like no excuse,
like he wasn't a believer or she, you know,
then for you-
No, it's not like that strict for me,
but it's just like, because I met people
who like they were the ones who cheated.
I even dated a guy who's like that.
So I just don't want to-
I think there's information that you can learn
in that first month without,
here's how I said it to my girlfriend.
I said, if you can talk about your divorce
in a way that doesn't crap on the other person,
then I think you can say just enough.
Like you could say really simply, you know what?
There was infidelity in the marriage.
It really hurt me.
This is what I've done to work on it.
And this is what I think I would do differently.
If somebody can say that with health and clarity
in under 45 seconds, they've probably not overshared.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, I do.
Yes.
Okay, yeah.
And the second question is like,
when do you think it's appropriate to ask about abstinence?
Because I do meet a lot of men who say they're Christian
and they've never practiced abstinence in their life.
And they're like, well, I'm open to it.
Well, okay, here's what I can tell you.
So Jackie and I are not fans of asking too soon
because here's the thing, you guys,
people reveal their thoughts on sex
way faster than you think you do
without you specifically having to say,
I don't wanna, how do you feel about sex before marriage?
I'm gonna try to find an answer that,
Bethany gave a really great answer about the sex talk.
Now, here's the thing.
Again, some of you might be like, no bueno,
like there's no way I'm not gonna ask this question
right away.
So I can tell you this,
here's how it came out with me and Brian.
We had only been talking two weeks and he made a comment
and he was like, oh, I already booked next year.
So maybe if we're still together, we can come together.
And I literally went, oh no, bucko.
I'm not going.
away on vacation with somebody who's not my spouse.
And since we're on the topic,
I'm not gonna have sex with you either before marriage.
I mean, so that's how kind of blunt I was two weeks in.
But it kind of fell into it.
Like we kind of fell into the conversation.
Do you know what I'm saying?
So it presented itself
and it allowed me to state my intention
without me going, so Brian, how do you feel about sex?
So I kind of feel like guys and girls
will give you a hint earlier than you think.
And it does provide you an opportunity to say,
you know what, at this point in my life,
I've really learned sex outside of marriage
is not what's best for me.
I hope you're on the same page about that.
I can tell you that it had been six years
since Brian was with his last girlfriend,
but I was the first person he was abstinent with.
And so, but by then he was kind of smitten enough
that he was like, you know what, you're right.
I wasn't following the Lord's way
when I was dating before, you know, you're healthy.
Of course I want to do that.
And you guys, he did it better than I did.
I'm not kidding.
He guarded my heart and my purity, that entire relationship.
And so if that's really important to you,
wait for those moments, the Lord will give them to you.
And then you can just pop and drop right in
and just say it matter of factly, not judgy McJudgy.
Just be like, hey, you guys, this is just where I'm at.
If that's not where you're at, that's okay too.
So if it's important to you
and you're worried about not waiting too long,
ask the Lord and he will drop a moment
and you will find a way to ask it.
Okay.
Thank you.
You bet.
All right, I'm going to pause on questions.
We will come back to questions.
I want to ask you guys 10 scaling questions.
I want to take a, like a health check on where we're at.
Okay.
So on a scale of one to 10,
so if you've got a pen and paper,
it'll be easier to do it pen and paper
versus like in your head,
but you can do it in your head if you want.
Okay.
On a scale of one to 10 for the next 10 questions,
one is your suck and fumes.
Like Rene, I'm really doing bupkis on it.
10 is I am rocking it, right?
10 rocking it, one bupkis.
Because I want you to take an assessment
of how your health and your marriage readiness
and your relationship readiness is.
Just an honest assessment.
We're not sharing answers.
I'm not going to ask you your answers.
So you get to be honest.
The first one, food.
Are you eating food that nourishes your body?
Nope.
Rene, it's a one.
I'm at the fast food joint every day.
10, I'm rocking it, whole foods, macro girl here.
Okay.
So the first one's food.
The second one is fitness and movement.
Am I moving?
Am I exercising?
Yes.
One, 10 rocking it.
Again, you're your own judge.
Number three, appearance.
I know that when I walk out the door,
I'm putting my best foot forward.
Now you guys, I am not five foot 10.
I'm not tall.
I'm not blonde.
I'm not blue eyed,
but I've learned how to work with what God has given me.
And I make sure when I walk out the door, I rock it.
So appearance, hair, makeup, clothing, hygiene,
men, if you've got a beard, is it trimmed
or is it looking like, you know, Duck Dynasty?
There's a very small percentage of women
who like that beard, I'm just saying.
The fourth one is finances.
I mean, you're in control of your finances,
not in control of your finances.
Number five, career.
You love your job.
You love what you're doing.
The next one, hobbies and interests.
You actually have real hobbies and interests,
not just what you put on your profile.
Like, oh, I love to go hiking.
I always used to put that, you guys.
You know when the last time I actually
really went hiking was?
It was at least three years ago.
I've bad ankles.
I shouldn't be hiking.
So I don't know why I was putting hiking down
because I was never going hiking.
So I mean, real interests and hobbies
that you're making time for in your life.
Number seven, your personal walk with God.
It could be your prayer time,
it could be your worship time,
your journaling, reading scripture,
going to service, whatever that looks like.
Number eight, service and volunteer.
Are you giving back to the community?
Giving back to the community.
Number nine, work-life balance.
I meet so many of you guys who are desperate to be married
and you're working like 100 hours a week.
You have no work-life balance.
I don't know where you'd be squeezing in your dates.
Number 10, mental health.
Are you taking care of your mental health?
Are you seeing a therapist?
Are you doing meditation?
Are you on meds?
Whatever it needs to be for your mental health.
So here were the topics, food, fitness,
appearance, finance, career, hobby,
personal walk with God, service,
work-life balance, mental health.
Okay, you don't have to do a show of hands.
How many of you got a high 10 in all 10 categories?
Probably not, right?
Okay, probably not.
I mean, if we're being honest, we probably have some growth.
How many would admit that they've got some room to grow in some of those categories?
Room to grow?
Yeah.
Room to grow.
Okay.
So all I'm going to ask you about this, this little assessment that I asked you to do is
unless you gave yourself a 10 out of 10 in all 10 categories, and if you did, we might
have to talk about your humility.
No, I'm kidding.
Do you expect your spirit mate to score the same as you in the same categories and are
higher than you in some of those categories?
Are you willing to date somebody who might be a 10 in some places that you're not a 10,
but he's only a four or she's only a four in places that you're a 10?
Does that make sense?
Like you're going to get somebody unfinished, right?
And so I want to make sure that you're not, like if you're scoring a three on finances,
but you're like, man, I need to date a millionaire.
Is that really fair?
You know what I'm saying?
Like if you haven't been to the gym in five years, but you want somebody who's physically
fit, is that really fair?
Do you know what I'm saying?
So I want you to just kind of think about that self-assessment and go, am I expecting
more out of my mate than I'm willing to put into myself?
So we just want to make sure that wherever we want out of somebody else, we're willing
to do for ourselves, right?
Because we want a mate who's both growing us.
Now hopefully you actually pick a person that is stronger than you in some areas, but you're
also willing to get somebody who's weaker than you in some of your areas that you're
rocking because you're going to pull them along in a couple of places and they're going
to pull you along.
That's what like growing like a true partnership is going to look like.
Okay.
That's all I got.
So it's 7.45, 8.45, not sure what time y'all are, what time zone you're all in.
I'm going to spend like 10 more minutes answering questions and then I want to see who's willing
to get in the hot seat with me for about two minutes and role play.
Either you can ask me the hardest questions you get and we're going to pretend we're on
a video day and I will answer them and respond back to you.
Or you're going to be like Renee, bring it on.
Ask me anything you want.
And I'm hoping we've got some brave people.
Now we're going to do that from like the top of the hour for 30 minutes, two minutes a
piece.
You guys, that's about 15 people.
I need about 15 brave souls out of 90.
So I promise you I'm not going to call on you.
Okay.
Marsha, do you have a question, girl?
Okay, she took her hand down.
Hunter, did you have a question?
I would like to volunteer, please.
All right.
Well, let me let people get a chance to ask questions first.
All right.
So now this is any dating question you have, you've put it in the feed.
If you wrote it down here and I've blown past you guys, I've got, you got, there are
99 comments that I've not seen.
Okay.
99.
And I've got only one working eye.
So if your question is in the chat and I've not seen it, please be brave and raise your
hand and let me ask it.
Go ahead, Christopher.
So how do you, because the first 30 days are tough for me because I usually am pretty fast
with initiating.
Hey, here's my number.
Let's book a video chat or a date.
And then so we'll get in a text, we'll book it.
And then now I've seemed to have a couple women and several of my past as well that
now it's an everyday texting all day and now I'm, I'm going back and forth.
And that, are you initiating that pace?
No, no.
I mean, I feel like that that's not like a good place to start where we're like interacting
every day, 24, you know, during every waking hour.
Yeah.
So here's what I would do.
And it's something that I'm, I'm a big fan of being blunt.
You guys like asking for what you need or setting your expectations.
So when you have that first video day, here's what you can do right off the bat.
Hey, just so you know, the kind of pacing that I like to do is I might text you once
at the end of the day.
Um, I, if I'm busy, I might miss a day.
That doesn't mean I'm not interested.
I feel like at this stage of the game, you will probably hear from me a few times in
a week.
I will definitely, if I want to go the next step, I'm going to be booking the next date
within a week.
Um, like state what your, it is okay, especially since you're the guy, it is okay for you to
say like, you know, just so you know, I'm not a texter.
I'm not going to, even if I was in, you know, even if you and I were in a committed relationship,
I'm not the person that texts all day throughout the day.
That's just not how I roll.
I would rather, you know, I, I think texting is something.
thing we do to check in real quick, brief.
But really, I would rather wait till the end of the night
to have a conversation with you.
Because of my job, because this is early on,
I'm probably not gonna do that every single day.
So I don't want you to think
that me holding at that pace is me not interest,
it's just me trying to have healthy pacing.
Okay, good.
All right, I just wanted to make sure.
How does that sound?
Would that be comfortable for you to be that honest?
I mean, I'm not comfortable
with a lot of things that I've done so far,
but I do them anyway.
So yes, I'll be fine.
Do them afraid.
And ladies, same goes for you.
I mean like, and Chris brings up a good point,
because a lot of you guys fall into this.
You start texting 30 times in the given day.
Like A, you should be fired
if you're texting all day that much.
Like if I were your boss,
I would not wanna know that you were texting all dang day.
Like do your job, go to school, raise your kids.
Like you don't need to be texting all stinking day.
And here's my thing, if you don't,
like if you text all day,
you're not giving them enough reason to call you.
And that's where if you're texting all day, every day,
you really do run the risk of oversharing,
jumping the gun, speeding the whole thing along.
So learn some restraint.
Learn some restraint.
Give them a reason to wanna book.
I say give them a reason to wanna book
that next video date or that next live date.
Great question.
Anybody else, questions?
I'm looking through.
Okay, look, y'all.
So right away, just so you know,
Christopher said he was only 5'4", whatever.
I'm telling you what, my brother is 5'2".
He's a shorty.
My other brother's only 5'6".
They are amazing husbands.
You know what?
My sister is married to a woman in a wheelchair.
So I don't even know what height that makes him, right?
Cause he's always lower than her
cause he's in a wheelchair.
I'm not telling you to do that,
but like some of you need to let this height thing go
cause he's a gem.
And I'm telling you, just saying, okay.
It already takes a lot of energy.
I know.
Okay, here's the thing.
Dan, if you're going into Walmart,
you're probably not gonna meet your person in Walmart.
Maybe Target, but not Walmart.
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to diss on a Walmart,
but have you seen what people wear to Walmart?
Like, and if you're gonna wear PJs to Walmart
or a cute sweatsuit, like then make it a cute one.
Not one that's like been in the wash 5,000 times.
Okay, Joanne, what you got?
Yeah, so I got this recently, just like two days ago,
but this is actually a really common question.
They're like, cause I don't look my age, I'm 46,
but they're like, how is, how are you still single?
This, how are you, the 46 year old, still single?
And I'm like, I don't know.
Why don't you ask God?
That's my question.
Okay, so here's, I'm gonna give you
a more confident answer than that.
Okay, you know what?
I just haven't found, the short answer
is I just haven't found my person yet.
I wanna make sure that when we marry, we marry for life.
And I just haven't found my person yet.
Could there be much more to that conversation?
For sure, and I'd be happy to have that conversation
with you if we keep dating.
Do you see how I wear that with confidence?
Cause I used to hate that question too.
Oh my gosh, how are you not married?
Really, you've never been married?
Like, it would have been better
if I just said I was divorced twice
and oh my gosh, I've never been married.
And I'm like, you know what?
I've not been married and I'm being super intentional
about finding the right person for me.
Sometimes if I'm being a little funny,
sometimes I'll say, you know what?
I'm sure there were plenty of times
I said no when I shouldn't have
or they said no when they shouldn't have.
And here we are.
Like sometimes I might say that
cause then I kind of get funny and cheeky about it.
But it's a weird question.
It's almost as bad as asking somebody
on the very first day, oh my gosh,
why did you get divorced?
Like it's, I'm sure there's a lot more nuance
and if they get to know you,
they might find a little bit more
about the choices you've made.
Maybe you put your career first.
Maybe you got some family stuff
you had to work through, who knows?
But no, none of those answers are appropriate.
So you know what?
I just haven't found my,
the short answer is I just haven't found my person.
It's possible I missed a good option.
It's possible he missed me,
but I'm really trusting
because I'm now being super intentional
that it's going to become much more clear to me.
Okay, so don't reveal any more personal information.
Cause I know why.
I mean, a big reason why, yeah.
Okay.
You know, the guy that deserves that answer,
the guy that's going to have
an exclusive relationship with you.
Okay.
That's the guy that deserves the real answer.
Okay, um, yeah, because otherwise you're going to start to find out about trauma like there's
no way to get to the truth like because then I'd have to start talking about my dad issues.
You know how I picked all the guys this I dumped all the good ones.
I mean, you know what I mean?
Like it's just like, there's just no way to get to that answer without unveiling too much.
Um, oh my gosh, Mel, I'm bold because I'm old.
You find that after 40 you just like, I don't got time.
I don't got time to waste.
I mean, and trust me, you guys, I act like I got it all together.
And I know how to answer guys.
I promise you Jackie put me in the seat because she like, okay, who was on the love seat?
Did she not kind of slaughter me just a little bit in love?
She was like, Oh, Renee sucked at this at the beginning.
If you all remember the love seat, in fact, she was also given an example about somebody
who was dating a widower who found out that the guy she was dating not only was unfaithful,
but was unfaithful throughout the entire marriage.
Yeah, that was me.
That was me.
She was talking about that was me.
Um, I was in Simbis and I, he was married for 40 years before she died.
So I'm thinking 40 year marriage.
This is amazing.
I knew he cheated on her once when they were in their twenties.
They got married like at 20 years old.
So I was like, Oh my gosh, that was 40 years ago.
He's learned his lesson.
Long story short, we're in the Simbis class and the sex conversation comes up cause it
does and his answer just started being like confusing.
And so Jackie asked so fabulously, she goes, how many years were you faithful to your wife
before she died?
What a great way to ask.
And he was like, like he could not give years.
What he should have been able to say was it's been 30 years.
It's been over.
Cause if it was true that the last time he cheated was in his twenties and he should
have, should have been said, I don't know.
It's been at least 30 years.
That should have been his answer.
So then I said, how many people did you cheat on her with?
And he could not give us the number.
Okay.
So when you can't say how many years it's been and you can't give the number, yeah,
it's more than one.
And it's a pattern.
It's a pattern.
So that taught me to start being more blind.
So all that to say, how can a woman encourage a man without enabling healthy boundaries?
Like when a man wants to pray over you.
Okay.
You guys, the praying thing, just be like, Hey, I love prayer and I'm so excited that
you want to pray for me and we want to do that, but that's going to create spiritual
intimacy.
And I just don't want us to go there in our first month getting to know each other.
Spiritual intimacy, you guys, is a real thing.
And I'm convinced like men and women will use spiritual intimacy in replacement of sex,
but to try to create the same kind of false intimacy too soon.
It's just the more Christian way to do it.
You know, like when I was in cheerleading camp in college, we used to do partner stunts
with other people to like, kind of like flirt.
Do you ever see where their hands go when they're doing partner stunts with you?
So like, it's just a way to like be inappropriate without being inappropriate.
So I mean, some people have the best of intentions.
I'm not trying to say that, but I'm just saying, I think it's different if somebody wants to
pray over a meal, like, Hey, we're out to dinner.
I like to pray over a meal.
I think that's really different than somebody like starting a Bible study, praying over
you, you praying for them.
Let other people be praying for them.
Candy, what you got?
Yes.
Okay, yeah, I have a question about missionary dating because you mentioned previously that
you don't encourage that.
So I have talked to this guy, he's Catholic, but he only go to church during holidays.
And so I don't know how to ask him about, does he have an active faith or not?
Most likely he doesn't.
Yeah.
So here's how you can do it.
And I will say this, Brian was working three jobs when I met him because he was trying
to rebuild his savings account because it was pretty much wiped out after his divorce.
And so he was only watching church online and he really did not have a church community,
but he was doing like a Bible app every single day.
He actually knew scripture better than I did.
And I'm in seminary, kind of embarrassing.
And so you want to just ask that question, just the way it is.
And by the way, I know many, Jesus believe in Bible, believe in Catholics.
We have a lot of Catholics in our community here.
So there's no shade on Catholics here.
What the shade is, and the fact that he says he only goes to church on the holidays.
So I think you literally just ask it that, do you mind telling me what does your faith
look like day in and day out?
What does your faith look like?
faith look like day in and day out?
Okay, so if his answer is probably he's too busy,
he doesn't, he-
If he says he's too busy,
I would be like, you know what?
I totally get that that's where you're at in your life.
I'm just looking for somebody
who's actually already got an active faith life.
And so, you know, you probably need to be matched
with somebody that that's either not a priority
or they're at the same place you are.
And-
What about giving him more time?
Like, is he mentioning that he wants to retire
in a year or two?
So-
He wants to be what?
Retire, retire.
Retire.
In a year.
No, no, no.
So he's gonna tell you
he's not gonna read the Bible for two years
cause he's working too much?
No.
Cause here's the thing, Candy,
you want somebody who's gonna,
who is gonna be talking to God to make the big decisions,
to decide whether or not he even wants to marry you.
So, you know what I mean?
You and I, we all want men and women
who have an active enough faith in God
that they're praying and talking to God
so that they're discerning with God if we're their person.
So if they're not talking to God,
then some other body part and something else
is convincing them to keep dating us,
but it's not coming from God
cause they're not talking to God.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
But the 10 questions that you have given us before,
you mentioned about if there's any numbers
that's less than 10, will I be-
Right, but if he's at a zero,
to me, if somebody is only going to church
on the high holidays and they answer,
if you say to him, are you saying to me
that you don't ever read scripture, you don't ever pray,
that's kind of like at a zero or a one.
Like, do you know what I'm saying?
And he actually already told you
he has no intention of growing that faith for two years.
Now he could have said to you, you know what?
I've been such a slacker.
I used to love the Lord.
I used to be in church.
I have let my job get in front of me.
You know, just you talking about it.
I feel healthy conviction.
I need to start going to church more.
I need to start reading scripture more.
That might be enough for you to give him a chance,
but it didn't sound like he was gonna make that a priority.
Do you know what I'm saying?
So it's okay if their number's lower
than yours in a given area,
but if it's an important, like,
now, if you both have sucky numbers for food
and you both don't care, then it don't matter, right?
But if fitness is really important to you
and they're a lot lower than you,
if they're showing you, like, you know what?
I just rejoined a gym.
I'm finally back in the game.
Like, I'm in it.
Then they're showing you that they've got a growth mindset
towards you on that scale.
Does that make sense?
So you're looking for growth mindset.
Like, I'm in it.
Like, you guys, I gained,
I don't know what the hell's happened to me
since the wedding.
I don't know what's my hormones.
The pellets had blopped in my body.
I have gained 10 pounds since my wedding
and I'm trying, like, hell to get it back off my body
and I'm, like, crying about it
because it just will not come off.
I'm doing all of the things.
But that's different.
Like, I'm in the gym four days a week.
I'm doing my 10,000 steps.
I'm counting macros.
And, you know, so that, like,
so even though I would give myself a low score fitness-wise,
I really wouldn't give it that low
because I'm busting my butt right now.
So that didn't mean you're at the perfect place,
but it means, like, your intentionality.
So I'm glad you asked me that, Candy,
because we're looking for growth mindset.
We're looking for intentionality.
Like, your finances might not look great right now,
but you're, like, you are, like, snowballing it.
You're working an extra job.
You're paying down your debt.
You're working your debt.
So you may not be a seven,
but you're not a one because you're working a plan.
Okay.
Is it Judy?
Okay, all right, thanks.
No, is it Judy?
Or how do you pronounce your name?
It's Judy, yeah, it's Judy.
I was like, you've just got an extra D in there.
I don't know what to do with that.
I know, I don't know.
My mom gave me two, I don't know.
It's just a special way of spelling my name.
So it's my first time asking a question in this forum.
I've never asked anything before.
Okay, and by the way, you have a beautiful smile.
Okay, y'all, like, she's a perfect example
of the second she came on camera and smiled at me,
y'all feel her energy, don't you?
Right, like, she's all in.
She's glowy and she's all in, and I want to talk to her,
and I want to take her out on a date.
Okay, go ahead, girl.
Thank you.
So I have a question.
So I'm actually like going back to dating
because I've never, I've not dated for a long time.
So I've just been learning.
And so now I'm in the app and there's this guy
who I'm talking to and he's sending such long messages.
I don't even know how to interpret them.
It's like so long and so many questions.
So I'm like a little confused.
What should I answer?
Okay, so here's your perfect answer for that.
And this is what I did to Brian.
And this is what I did to everybody.
Though, that's a lot of,
this is exactly what I would say.
That's a lot of information and those are really good thoughtful questions. It's too much
For a texting conversation. I would be happy to switch this over to a video chat
Yeah, it's in a video chat. You can make sure make sure they're not a scammer
They're not just cutting and pasting weirdo answers and you're gonna find out if they're needy not needy
Maybe they just suck at texting and so I immediately say wow
That's a lot of information
It's probably too heavy for texting. I would be happy to flip over to a video chat
Again, do you guys you guys do you know what I see you see how I use every reason to flip us over to a
Video chat because some people's texting skills are terrible and sometimes it reveals everything
So if the video chat if he's like all over and he's really intense and then you're gonna be like whoa girl
Then you're gonna be like, you know what? This is just feeling a little too heavy. This is too heavy too quickly
Yeah, so it was really nice meeting you but I'm gonna pass
Yeah, I think the other thing that he also kind of say it was like he goes to bed at 8 p.m
So like so I'm wondering so if you have to have if you're if after work like there's no time for him to talk
He's so tired. He has to go to bed at 8 every day. So I'm finding it a bit cheeky
I haven't suggested that yet. So but yeah, I
Don't know you're right. So and that makes me wonder what their time zone is. Where are they?
On the weekend and see I'm telling you what you guys I have had a million like those video chats
You know, that's why I believe in the speed dating cuz I'm telling you in five minutes
You can tell if it's good juju with somebody or not. I'm like and
You got to trust your gut on that one. Okay
Yep, all right, let's go to role-playing Hunter is the first one he wants to go Hunter
Do you want to ask me hard questions or do you want me to ask you the hard questions?
Yeah, you can ask me a hard questions first. Okay, so the timer is going on for two minutes. So
Try to answer well, but not long so I can ask you the most amount of questions in two minutes. Does that make sense?
Okay
All right
All right. Let me in fact, where'd you go Hunter?
All right, cuz I got it. I know I'm gonna um
spotlight you
Spotlight you there you go. Okay. Are you ready?
ready
Okay, Hunter. So tell me what you like to do during the week and on the weekends
Like what are some fun things that you do?
well, I like to do is sometimes I like to go outdoors and fish and even
Cut I even go catch stuff, but now I get to go I would like to go I bike
But now I'm starting to go do some jogging head to the gym and lift weights and I'm involved in a jiu-jitsu
Dojo doing some jiu-jitsu brings back old times when I wrestled brings back good old time
Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun. It doesn't seem like those are activities I can do with you though
So what's an activity you think would be fun to do out on a date?
Well, I like to do is think for a date to build a relationship
I like to start small maybe a walk or go see coffee and if it gets serious and go somewhere
We'll go do funner things like a fine restaurant or maybe a event go see an event or a concert
That sounds cool
Hunter Tommy tell me what are you looking for in a girl? Tell me what you're looking for
I like I like someone who who would show femininity and physical appearance
Well, that's a that's a plus but I like someone with common sense and who can who likes to read a lyric and is
Willing to do visit and is willing to be committed to doing things
It's been a while since I talked about it, but it's reliable and trustworthy. Yeah, that sounds awesome
Well, you know hunter. What would you like to ask me? What would you like to know about me? So
How did how'd you find out about how'd you become the Christ? Oh
That's a really good question, so, you know
Obviously without giving you my entire testimony. The short answer is I always grew up in a faith-based home
But when I went away to college
Life was just really hard and my parents were going through a divorce and things were tough at school
And I was involved with a group called the Navigators and I learned a little bit more about it
And I realized I wanted to make a personal relationship with Jesus. How about you?
Well, I felt the same way people are negative about the church and people were gonna walk away because of what was going on in
Their lives and they didn't open the word. I could have walked away because I saw Christianity is a piece of
Religious superstition that society would say and well, I figure you know, what why don't we open the words?
See what it says.
And then I started saying, I started growing the Lord.
And my alternate, my policy is either we're going to do what the word says,
or we're going to, or we're going to just walk away from the church
because life is too short for me to just play church and go on.
I love that Hunter.
That was amazing.
And two minutes just hit.
So you did great.
Everybody give Hunter a high five.
Hunter, you did great.
You're the Guinea pig and you went first.
Okay.
The only thing I have for you is a critique because your answers were awesome.
I don't know what you were looking at, if you were looking at yourself,
but you weren't looking at me.
Myself.
Yeah.
And you guys be careful.
I am guilty of doing that on zoom.
I'm guilty of checking myself at the whole time, like through the whole call.
So to stop me from doing that on a video date, guess what I do?
I hide me.
You can hide yourself from the camera.
So you don't fall into the habit of looking at yourself.
Like they've actually done studies during COVID of how people had fatigue
from staring at themselves too much.
And so you need to take your face out, but those are great answers.
Awesome.
All right.
Who wants, who else wants to go again?
Just two minutes.
Don't be shy.
This is your chance.
You guys, Hunter just rocked it.
I'm just saying.
All thanks to the heart work.
And I'm also in the middle of therapy.
So that'll boost a little bit.
Now you're oversharing.
I'm kidding.
No, I'm kidding.
We love you, Hunter.
Um, all right.
Oh, Christopher.
Yay.
Christopher and I are going to have a two minute speed date.
Okay.
Let's go.
Okay.
Um, are you ready, Chris?
All right.
Let me tag you.
Let me, let me, um,
okay.
No.
Oh, I'm so large on screen.
Okay.
I think you could wait here.
You know, I'll spotlight me too.
So that doesn't freak you out.
Wait, where am I at spotlight?
Okay.
All right.
Oh, there we go.
Does it feel better now?
If it doesn't feel so creepy.
Okay.
I'm going to face right at the camera.
So it'll look like I'm looking at you.
Okay.
Hold on.
I got it.
Dang it.
Oh, crap.
All right.
I'm just going to have to wing it.
Okay.
Christopher, it's so great to meet you.
Um, tell me how, where are you in your dating journey?
Are you just getting back out there?
Have you been at it a long time?
No, I'm just getting back out there.
The, the new agey kind of dating apps is just kind of new to me, but I have a new
confidence in it and I'm really just looking to meet new people and see what's out there.
I have actually a lot of positivity about it.
Oh my gosh.
You know what?
What a breath of fresh air because so many people are always complaining about it.
So I love that you have such a good attitude about it.
So tell me if we're going on our first date, what would you like to do?
Well, it depends.
I'm wondering, are you a, an outdoor girlie?
Are you kind of a at home?
What, what, what do you, what's your comfort level?
When you see this, what's your comfort level?
Oh my goodness.
I love that.
So, you know what?
I love food and I love a good glass of wine, but I also like movement.
So, you know, I live in this really cute town and I'd love to just either get a
drink and us walk, um, and get to know each other, maybe throw a Frisbee around.
I don't know, us both being super comfortable and not in a super loud or formal place.
Okay.
Well, you, you sold me.
So let's, let's book it.
We're going to, we'll do a little, uh, little wine, little cheese walk in the park.
I mean, already done.
We don't have to see you later.
I love it.
Okay.
I've got some, I got a couple of questions for you.
This might seem weird and don't worry about the time.
Cause I started it too soon.
Um, if I asked your friends what they love most about you, what would they say?
I would say that I like to be funny.
I try to be funny.
I fail a lot, but I try, I think that is what I try to bring some levity to the
situation.
I feel when I step into a room or I'm in the conversation, I think plenty of
seriousness, especially with my job is present all the time.
So I try to bring a little bit of levity.
I love that.
Okay.
If you could go back to your 18 year old self and give yourself one piece of
advice, what would you say?
All right, Christopher, go to church.
Stop.
Oh, I'm in college.
I don't need to go to church anymore.
Go to church.
You need church.
Awesome.
Christopher, everybody.
Give Christopher a hand.
You rocked it, buddy.
You slayed it.
I love.
Okay, ladies, do you love that the men are going first?
I'm just saying.
I'm just saying, woot, woot, to the men.
All right, I loved it.
Okay, great job.
Now, I know some of you girls,
you're gonna feel creeped out coming on a date with me
because I'm still a girl,
but I promise I can pretend to be a boy.
All right, who is coming on?
Denise, oh, Denise, you're gonna date me.
Okay, here we go, girl.
Ah-ha.
And I'll be up here with you so you don't feel so weird.
Yes, please, it's huge.
I get it, Christopher.
You're like, oh, that's just a lot of me right now.
That's a lot of me.
Whoa.
Okay, are you ready?
I'm ready.
Oh my goodness, Denise,
isn't this like speed dating just a little overwhelming?
Is this the first time that you're doing it?
No, I've done it before.
And I love just knowing right away
whether we're gonna click or not.
So I feel like it's a good thing.
So you can get like, I don't know, eight done in the night.
I love it.
So what are you looking for right away
in the first few minutes?
Tell me.
Oh, what I love to know is what people would do
if they had all the money in the world.
Like what is their passion?
What drives them?
Oh, so are you asking me that?
Yeah, absolutely.
That's what I do.
What is it?
Okay, well, assuming the debt is all paid off
and there's money for the kids,
the grandkids kind of set aside,
I would love to give it away.
I would love to give it away in like the most random moments.
Like I've always seen where like people randomly go up
at the cash register and behind people
and just start paying bills.
And I would love to be able to do that all over the place.
How about you?
What would you do with that money?
Well, I don't need the money.
So the point is like you have all the money
to take care of everything.
And what would you do with your extra time?
Oh, what would you do?
And for me, that would be,
it would be to help people hope and dream again.
So I've come from like rock bottom in my life
and I've learned how to do that.
And only with God's help,
but just showing people that there is a way
to hope and dream again.
And you can have like everything
you're wishing and desiring for.
Wow, so you seem to have a really good attitude.
Where did that come from?
I don't think seriously.
And I'm very blunt and I don't care what people think.
So I think all of that plays into it.
Oh my goodness, so if we're on a date
and you don't like something that I said or did,
you're gonna actually tell me, aren't you?
No, actually, because a lot of things don't bother me.
Okay.
So if you did something very rude to me,
I would check you.
But most things I'm like, that's your opinion.
You do you.
And unless we're serious, I don't care.
Oh my goodness, Denise, you just rocked it, man.
That was great two minutes.
High five, everybody.
Woo, woo!
Oh my gosh, you did so good, y'all.
Look at this.
Good job, good job, good job.
Okay.
Do I have another raised hand?
Gwen, let's do it, Gwen.
Hi.
I've never done a speed dating thing.
Well, actually, now they're a vibe.
Oh.
But I think we're rocking it.
I think we're rocking it.
Um, okay.
I gotta think, hold on,
because I gotta think of a good question.
Let me get my juices thinking.
Did you notice I'm not asking the same questions twice?
I'm just rolling with it.
Getting a little sweaty here.
Okay.
Oh my gosh, Gwen, I really love your top.
It's such a pretty color for you,
and your arms look really fit.
Do you work out, girl?
Yes, I do.
I go to the gym every day.
Oh my gosh, what do you do at the gym?
Are you a cardio girl?
Are you a weights girl?
Today, I did synergy,
so that's like stretching and sit-ups and all that,
and yesterday, I swam for 30 minutes,
and then, what else?
I like to do the circuit,
and I like to do all of it,
the classes, the weights.
That's so fun.
Now, so is it important to you
that I be a gym girl, a gym boy too?
I think it would be nice to go to the gym with somebody,
or go on a hike with someone,
or be equivalent.
I love to sit in front of the TV
and stare at movies for a long time,
but I would prefer it,
because at my age, it's more of a health thing.
Yeah, I'm in my 60s, so it's like,
eating is really important too,
like not having sugar and processed food.
Oh goodness.
You know what?
I definitely don't like the processed food,
but I like my sugar,
so does that mean you're not gonna let me have my Diet Coke?
I'm just saying.
Oh yeah, you can have all that stuff,
but for me personally, I would.
That's how my body feels.
It feels so much better without.
I love that.
Okay, so obviously eating healthy and working out is important to you.
Is there anything else that you love to do that you're hoping I might be interested in
too?
Um, I love, I love camping and I've backpacked and I actually got tickets to Yosemite, which
is amazing.
Oh my goodness.
Yosemite is gorgeous.
Yes.
And to float down the Merced River or hike up to the waterfalls.
I would love to have somebody like that.
But also would you, does that mean you would go camping with me?
Can we go do that next weekend?
Oh, do you have your own tent, your own like, your own spot and your own hotel room and
your own whatever?
I've actually had that situation.
I know girl.
You did good.
Two minutes.
That was good.
I love it.
Um, just make sure you look at me more too.
I'm like looking everywhere.
I don't know why.
You guys, I did not know I do this.
Like as a public speaker, I'm really good at making eye contact.
I've learned watching myself cause we have to film ourselves for my counseling sessions.
I look up when I'm thinking like when I'm thinking I look up a lot and I know I don't
do that when I'm in public.
So be careful if you're on a video day.
Um, it's easy to get just more distracted, but those are great answers.
Great job.
Okay.
Who is, um, Oh Dan, let's go.
All right.
We probably did two guys.
Let's go back to a guy.
Is that Dan?
Dan the man.
Yup.
That's me.
Okay.
Can you hear me fine?
Yep.
Hold on.
I can hear you.
I'm going to spotlight you in just a second.
Okay.
Dan, Dan, do you live in Connecticut?
I do.
I'm from Connecticut.
Where do you live?
In Derby.
Okay.
So you sound like me.
You got that accent.
Yeah.
I'm a lot of, very close to New York City.
I can hop on the train.
We are right there.
Yeah.
Big Yankees fan.
Okay.
Go Yankees.
All right.
Are you ready?
Yes.
Oh my goodness.
So I can totally hear your accent.
I think you said you're from Connecticut.
So do you like to go into the city?
I sure do.
I make a habit of going to a Yankees game once a year, or I'll just like walk around
somewhere.
If there's like people from work, I beg them, please come over here.
I will take you to the city.
We'll go to the block.
Okay, so, besides, I love me a good Yankees game, but they do last a really long time.
What else do you like to do in New York City?
By any chance, do you like theater?
I actually do.
I'm at the risk of getting kicked off the Deacon Board.
I am a Green Bay fan, and I missed out on the American Academy Awards.
I'm kind of a New Yorker too.
I'm like, you know, there's always an Oscar, there's always an Oscar.
So I'm kind of a New Yorker.
I'm kind of a New Yorker.
I'm a New Yorker.
I'm kind of a New Yorker.
I'm a New Yorker.
Thank you.
You bet.
I got time for like two or three more guys.
All right.
Are you ready?
Good job.
Good job, Dan.
Good to have you in the community.
I've not seen you.
I sometimes help out on the men's nights, so have I seen you on one of the men's nights?
I don't believe so, but just make sure you look for one of these, a genuine Connecticut
pizza passport.
Oh, my gosh.
I've heard about that.
That is hilarious.
I'm going to talk to you about that one.
Yeah.
We're genuine pizza snobs.
I challenge any New Yorker, anybody from New Jersey, we got the best pizza.
Come fight me on this.
Okay.
Well, here's what's funny is we got off.
My husband was laughing because we got off the ... We flew into New Haven, and it says
the best pizza, and I'm like, who knew Connecticut had the best pizza?
Hilarious.
Sorry.
Great job.
Okay.
Lori, let me tag you, girl.
Are you guys really proud of everybody?
Everyone's doing so good.
It feels a little weird, but we're rocking it.
I'm rocking it.
Okay.
Are you ready, girl?
I'm ready as I'll ever be.
Okay.
A, I'm going to compliment you on your background scene, like the flowers behind you.
This is like perfect set for a date right here.
She's got her hair.
She's got a nice top.
She's got flowers behind her, and she doesn't have a lot of competing stuff.
I'm kind of competing right now with some of my stuff behind me, but I'm close enough
in so you can see me.
All right.
Are you ready?
Let me think of a good opening question.
Okay.
So, Lori, I see that you've got those really pretty flowers behind you.
By any chance, are you a green thumb?
Do you know how to plant stuff and keep them alive?
Well, according to my family, I cannot keep anything alive, but I'm good at trying, though.
I thought they're pretty, so we'll see how long they last.
You never know.
Oh, my goodness.
I love that.
Okay.
That was so honest, and I really appreciate that.
So are you a good cook?
I'm a good cook if I have a recipe, and then I tweak it a little bit, but I'm not one of
these just whip it up and have no directions.
Okay.
So do you have like a certain genre of food that you like to cook?
Well, I love Greek food, Mexican food.
I'm trying to stay away from the gluten.
It doesn't really light my body.
I had a doctor tell me.
Yeah.
Well, anyway, I'm not going to go into that.
Yep.
So is it really important for you to be healthy then?
Yes, absolutely.
Working on it.
I did plenty of years of not being healthy, so I got to make up for lost time.
I love that.
That's such a great attitude.
So what else do you like to do for fun?
For fun?
Let's see.
I love to go.
I love golfing.
I've played ever since I was 12.
That's amazing.
And then roller skating, it doesn't matter how old you are, I still like to go roller
skating.
Okay.
I love that because roller skating and golf are like the opposite of each other.
So that sounds like you are very creative.
Oh my goodness.
I would say that.
Yeah.
So what are you looking for in somebody?
I am looking for somebody that, well, obviously they, you know, for me, having a relationship
with Jesus is super important, but fun, man, you have to laugh at life.
I've had way too much serious stuff.
So yes.
I love that.
See how fast two minutes goes, you guys?
Oh gosh.
I'm like hyperventilating.
But you did so good.
Here's the thing, you guys, like, I don't even know what I'm going to be at.
I come up with one leading opening question, but then like, I kind of just play off of
what they're saying.
By the way, I didn't get to compliment you, Christopher, but you spinning that dating
question back on me was pure genius.
So kudos.
I forgot to compliment you on that one.
I was like, what are we going to do?
And you're like, well, what do you want to do, Renee?
I was good.
I'm a good teacher.
All right.
Let's see.
All right.
Marsha.
Okay.
Last one.
You're the last one, girl.
Last one.
We will do this next time too.
I'll tell you at the end what we're going to do because I'm on deck March 30th and we're
going to talk about your deal breakers.
I actually want you to come with your deal breaker list.
Your preferences versus your deal breaker list because I'm going to help make sure that
your deal breaker list is not too long and that whatever needs to be on your preferences
and then helping us discern which things can be a compromise.
Okay.
Are you ready, Marsha?
I can't hear you.
Hello, can you hear me now?
I can.
All right.
Are you ready?
Yes.
Okay, Marsha, it's so great to meet you.
It looks like you're in an office.
Are you at work right now?
No.
This is just my, um, this is just my, my bedroom slash office.
Okay.
So tell me, Marsha, what do you like to do for fun?
I like to listen to a wide variety of music.
Like I enjoy watching YouTube, the various things, whether it be faith, politics, world
events, whatever, music, whatever, pop culture.
I enjoy, well, I enjoy reading and especially these days I really enjoy listening to a lot
of stuff so I can get something else done while I'm, while I'm reading, which is really
listening to a book or, and I also like, I like listening to a lot of information.
I also from time to time write poetry.
In addition, I enjoy taking walks, getting some walks in.
Well, Marsha, what do you want to ask me?
Okay.
What, how important is your faith to you?
For me, my, my faith is pretty important to me.
Um, I wouldn't necessarily call myself like a religious person, kind of like a Pharisee,
but I definitely feel like I have a relationship with the Lord and I kind of consult with him
and just about every little and big decision that I make.
How about you?
My faith is extremely important.
Jesus Christ.
I love Jesus Christ.
I mean, I could be better about making time to spend time.
I pray, I pray to God every day.
I wish I could be better with time management, I'll be honest, because I don't always read
the word like I should, like, like I would like to.
Okay.
Well, you know what?
I appreciate you being honest with me.
Thank you so much.
See that Marsha, that was two minutes.
You did great girl.
Okay.
I'm going to give you two things.
Okay.
Um, and I said this to a few other people may, well, a, I know this was kind of practice,
but make sure when you're on a call, um, that it's much easier to see you, especially if
you're on your phone, you're doing this, let me try to show what it looks like.
This is what it's looking like.
This, do you see how like awkward that is?
So you want to make sure if you're going to be on your phone, bring your phone up, bring
it up.
Okay.
Maybe I should use my computer.
Well, I'm helping you right now on your phone.
So bring it up and center up, bring it up.
Okay.
I want you to try turning around now so that that light is in front of you, not behind
you.
So flip around, flip around, take you in the, take you and your phone and turn around so
that lights facing you like literally turn your whole body like this.
Okay.
Like there you go.
You see how much, Oh, see, now we can see you girl.
You see?
Okay.
And you still want to bring, see how like, and you want to bring it up a little bit higher
cause you don't want people to see up your chin.
Look at, look at, I even look tall.
You guys look at, I even looked all right now.
Okay.
So that's what you want to do.
I mean, I know it sounds crazy you guys, but lighting is everything like you want to make
sure that the people can see you.
Great job.
All right.
You guys, you are brave.
I'm so proud of all of you.
So, so proud of all of you.
Everybody give everybody a hand.
Great job.
Okay.
It's 33 after the hour.
Is there any final questions?
Somebody's like, all right, Renee, like I just have to ask this one question before
we get off the phone.
All right.
Yeah.
Hi Renee.
I have a question.
This is Larissa.
Hey.
Hi.
Yeah.
Sorry.
There might be some noise cause I'm driving right now to work, but, um, I've been on a
couple of dates.
I've been on a couple of dates and, uh, the guys asked me when last, uh, I was in a relationship,
right?
But I've been in a relationship since eight years ago.
Okay.
So here's your answer.
I'm glad you're asking that question.
Somebody asks, how long has it been?
You don't want to say it's been eight years, 12 years.
Here's your only answer in the beginning.
Okay.
It's been a little bit.
Oh, how long?
It's been a little bit, a little bit.
but I'm actively dating right now.
It's been a little bit,
but I'm actively dating right now.
When was your most serious relationship?
It's been a bit and I'm back out there dating now.
Do you see how, even if they don't like my answer,
I'm coming back with the same answer.
I'm not telling a complete stranger
because that's all they are right now.
I'm not telling, I'm not telling,
I keep going back to you guys in those first few dates,
when you're talking to strangers,
they do not, you do not owe them the details.
Would you go up to somebody in Kroger and go,
oh my gosh, you look really cute.
When is the last time you dated somebody?
You would not do that.
You would not.
So we would not, we don't need to do this
with some stranger in a nap.
No.
Yeah, that's a good answer though.
Cause when I tell them eight years,
they're like eight years?
So you haven't been in a relationship for eight years?
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Yeah.
The famous one I used to get was,
what's the longest relationship you've ever had?
Which you guys answer is a terrible answer.
Okay.
It's a pretty bad answer.
I'm a cut and run girl.
I'm the runaway bride.
So I, my longevity in dating was not so good.
So when I used to get that question, like, you know what?
I will say this, I dated intentionally and purposefully,
but if I did not feel like we were headed
in a serious relationship,
I was definitely not the kind of person
that would drag it out for years.
Yeah.
That was my answer.
Oh, can you elaborate more?
Not right now.
Good answer.
The more confident you sound in your answer
and the less, you don't want to sound evasive.
Like there's a difference between evasive
and confident in your answer.
You don't want to sound like you're hiding
some big dark secret.
Cause then they're going to be like danger.
All right, you guys, so much fun.
Thank you so much.
I will see you in two weeks
and we're going to do some more role-playing.
I might change it up a little bit.
So, and if you want, if you're brave,
come dressed in a first date outfit and I will critique it.
All right.
How's that sound?
All right.
See you all in two weeks.