All right, ladies, I hope that you all had a fantastic day, that all is well with your
souls on tonight, that I truly do mean that all is well with your souls.
If all is not well with your soul, I pray that by the time we're done with this session,
that Jesus comes in and he brings a little light into the dark places and puts his healing
balm.
There's a scripture that says in the Old Testament, he, the prophet asked him, is there no balm
in Gilead?
Is there no healer there?
I declare that tonight that there is a balm in Gilead.
I declare that Jesus is our healer.
I declare that Jesus brings health to our mental state.
I declare that he comes and he brings the health that we need to our emotions and to
our might.
I just release a spirit of might over you all on tonight, a spirit of might, of steadfastness,
a spirit that says, I won't let go until the Lord bless me.
I will hang on, I will hold fast, I will let the spirit of steadfastness rise up on the
inside of me, because I know that Jesus has something for me.
And I know that out of all the rewards he will give me, he is my greatest reward and
in him there is no loss.
And so I just release it over you guys as I'm praying, this is my release over you,
that our King Jesus, the only wise one, the government rests upon his shoulder, will come
into your hearts on tonight and be the government over your heart and every place that has been
broken and torn down, every place that needs attention, every place that needs a little
bit of loving, every place that's aching like your feet can ache sometimes after a long
day, every ache, I declare that the government of Jesus is coming and making his home in
you.
In Jesus name, amen.
Amen, amen, amen.
Well, well, well.
All right.
So tonight is an exciting night because I like what we're going to be talking about
and I know that you guys are going to bring something totally awesome.
My background is kind of tripping me up because I need to change that, I don't really like
that blurred out style, but welcome to all of our newest members who is on here and it's
your first time and hey, to all the ladies who said hello to me in the chat, this is
your first time on a call.
It doesn't look like it, but I could be wrong.
Daisy, Daisy Jones, is this your first time?
What's that?
No?
Okay.
Grace, is this your first time?
No answer?
All right.
So, hi, this is my first live call with you, but I've listened to replays.
Okay.
Well, welcome.
Welcome.
So happy to have you in, you know that show, In Living Color, live and in living color.
So happy to have you.
No, you've been before.
Okay, Grace, you've been before.
Okay, great.
Do we have any questions about the program in general?
Videos?
Okay.
No worries, Grace.
No worries at all.
Any questions that I can help with, any program questions?
Yeah, Tiffany, go for it.
So what is the difference between phase two and phase three and how do you determine when
is the right time for you?
We encourage you to stay in phase two about four to six weeks.
Some people say 10, 12, 15, 26, 30 weeks.
It's true.
And sometimes we do give a slight nudge like, hey, let's slide on over.
So we ask that you do about four to six weeks and try to do some dating before you leave.
Right.
One of them, probably the main difference, phase three is amazing.
They have Thursday night events.
So their events are kind of like on different days from ours.
You get some like, they have like some advanced hard work sessions that they do.
Sometimes they do, he said, she said, they do love stories where those who were married
before would come back and do like tell their story.
They have exclusives like Jackie comes in and does, that's the love seats with them.
And so she, you know, they, you know, and y'all have, we've gone to love seats before, right?
Sometimes they give us access to a love seats.
No.
Well, every so often we'll get access to a love seat so you can see what it's like.
Yeah.
And so those are some of the differences.
Now, one difference is this is smaller.
Their community is much larger.
So it's going to be a lot, lot, lot, lot more people.
When you say Mandy, would you agree with that?
It's a lot, lot more people in phase three.
Yes.
So Mandy is in phase three.
Andy, can you share what do you think
is one of the main differences?
Sorry, you caught me off guard.
What's one thing you really like about phase three?
Well, I haven't been able to actually join,
but I think the single cities is really great.
The single cities.
The single cities, yes,
because it's in Nashville.
For my single city, I live in Knoxville.
That's about a three hour drive,
and that's a little too much for me to do in one day
and find childcare, so I can never do it,
but I think it'd be so much fun to do.
So maybe one day they can get a Knoxville one.
Yeah, and you guys can join single city in phase two also.
So Mandy's in phase three, but she comes to visit us.
So that's why I had her to share.
And Yesenia, are you in phase three also?
Not yet, but I think I was thinking about doing that today
or this week.
No, no, the same.
No, great, great, great, great, great.
So yeah, those are some of the differences,
the things that I named,
and you can always come back over.
Not like come back, but you have access.
So dual access, like if you want to jump on a coaching call
and you know that Carla and myself are available,
you can do that.
Or post something.
Maybe you know, you can post something
maybe, you know, maybe not hearing anything on that side.
It's like I said, the community is much larger,
but it's a lot of fun.
I actually go to a lot of the events.
Like, you know, they're really good.
And so, yeah.
And so whenever you're ready,
you just put a, send an email to admin at Jackie Dorman
and just tell them you're ready to transition to phase three.
Awesome, thank you.
You're welcome.
All right.
Um, you guys don't forget to check out
the Supernatural Saturday replays.
They're amazing.
So those are always really good.
Don't forget that we do offer one-on-ones.
I know I say it all the time.
So if there's no new people,
you get to hear it over and over and over.
With any of our lovely coaches, they are all wonderful.
I have no doubt about it.
And we've already prayed.
So tonight we're going to talk about something that,
we're going to talk about the three M's.
And this is something we get a lot of requests about
because in the video or in the teachings,
we kind of hit on the three M's,
but I don't think we,
sometimes we don't know how to quite apply it
in the real life dating process.
Or sometimes we still wonder to ourself,
well, what is really masculine?
Or what does mature really, really mean?
And are they going to be mature in all areas?
Well, what if it's this?
Or, you know, different things like this.
So let's talk about that.
And so you can often spot the three M's early,
but the surety of it comes with time.
Okay.
And so though you may spot some little spots,
like little spots or hints of the three M's,
you can only confirm over time
because one of, part of the three M's is consistency.
And you can't say that a person
has been consistent over a week.
You can't say that they've been consistent over two weeks.
You can say for a week, they've been consistent.
For two weeks, they've been consistent.
For three weeks, they've been consistent.
But have you guys ever started a diet before?
If somebody met you on Monday,
they gonna say, she really into it.
She into it.
You do a week, two weeks,
somebody have event, eat some cake, it's over with.
So what I'm saying to you is, you know,
please, please ladies, do yourselves a favor
and not settle for two weeks of consistency.
A person's patterns have no choice but to show up.
Patterns are so powerful that they really block.
And I heard a minister say this.
Patterns are so powerful, they will block us from prophecy
because patterns dictate the way our life is gonna go.
And that is the truth.
You can have great prophecy of life.
You can have a word, you can have all the faith you want,
but if you continue in a pattern,
it's gonna be really hard to see that come to pass.
So if you believe that the Lord is partnering with you
to get your weight, to get your health together
or whatever you're doing, and you have a pattern,
let's say maybe you struggle with diabetes
and you have a pattern of eating little David cakes.
It's gonna be really hard to see breakthrough
in that area of healing your body
if you keep eating the same foods over and over, over,
or it's gonna be kind of hard to see the scale move
if you keep overeating in calories or whatever.
Like I'm just trying to pick something simple
that we all can relate to, right?
So patterns determine the way in which we go
and the speed in which we get to a place, our patterns.
So the idea is that these three qualities together create,
so the three M's, masculinity, mature, and marriage minded.
Three M's are to be masculine, mature, and married.
marriage-minded, right?
So this creates clarity, so you know where you stand.
Have you ever talked to a guy
and you just don't have any clarity?
It sucks.
I have talked to so many
and you could feel the confusion in your mind.
And when you talk to a guy who knows what he wants,
trust me, there is no confusion there.
And so my encouragement would be not to live in confusion
for a week is hard for me to live in it for a day.
It's like, I don't know what to do.
I'm like, oh, I'm just gonna talk to somebody else
or I don't know, I'm just gonna break it out.
Like all the fears, everything's not going up.
Like, it gets so scary for my nervous system.
And so when a man carries the three M's,
he has clarity and you'll know it
because you'll know where you're going.
He has consistency.
His actions match his words, okay?
And then he has commitment potential.
He's actually capable of building a relationship.
Not capable of saying what he wants,
but he actually carries the tools to build a relationship.
You know, one of the tools required to build a relationship
and a healthy relationship is self-awareness.
Somebody who's accountable, someone who can apologize.
Right, these are tools
to help build a healthy relationship.
Not just when somebody says they want something,
but they actually show it.
And that's why these things take time
for you to fully see, right?
And so the power of this framework
is that all three must be present
because all three play a role.
So masculine plus not mature
produces the excited but unstable.
He's masculine, but he's not mature.
Those two, so that's why we said all three need to be there
because he's masculine, but he's not mature.
It's like, it's exciting,
but you don't have any stability in there.
And then let's say he's mature,
but he's not marriage-minded.
Okay, then if he's not marriage-minded,
he's not your one because you're marriage-minded.
And then let's say that he's marriage-minded,
but he's not masculine.
And if he's not masculine,
then you're gonna have that instability.
And so all three must be in place.
You can't be missing one of them
because they're all important for your foundation, okay?
So masculine, what is this about?
Masculine is about relational energy,
not stereotypes or dominance, relational energy.
So a masculine man is comfortable taking initiative.
He moves a relationship forward
and he creates a sense of safety and direction.
And so I'll say that again for us that are taking notes.
He's comfortable taking initiative.
He moves the relationship forward
and he creates a sense of safety and direction.
What does that mean in layman's term?
He does not leave you guessing.
You're not trying to figure out what's going on over here.
Okay, so he asked you out, he has a clear plan.
Let's grab dinner, Thursday at seven o'clock.
Instead of, sounds like we should grab dinner.
One guy told me one time, tacos or sushi?
I'm like, sushi.
Okay.
What?
Right.
So he follows up on the date, not disappearing.
Like he's not gonna disappear after the date.
Even if he wasn't pleased with the date,
he could follow up and say something, right?
That's maturity for sure.
And that's masculine.
And then he makes decisions
rather than deferring them over to you.
Now I'm not talking about when he includes you
in the process.
It's the difference between including you in the process
and handing it out completely to you.
And I don't wanna confuse this with when a man say,
well, you pick.
Because sometimes they know how women are.
They can pick some and then they can say,
you say, the woman say, you pick.
We even do this with our friends.
Whatever you pick.
Let's go get that.
Nah, I don't want that.
Let's go get that.
No, I sure don't want that.
Then they say, what you want?
Whatever you pick is fine with me.
No matter what they pick, you don't like it.
So I know that I do that.
And I know a lot of other women that do that, right?
So that's not to be confused with it.
Let's talk about what masculinity is not.
Passive behavior.
When a person has passive behavior,
you know, they're dealing with passivity
and that's something, you don't wanna do that.
You don't wanna deal with a passive person.
They're hot and cold pursuit.
You ever talk to a man that's hot and cold?
I do not like hot and cold.
I'd rather you just be cold.
But hot and-
Coal is a roller coaster.
It does not feel good.
Like, they come in hot, then they fall out.
Then they come back in hot again just when you're
about to make the decision, like, I'm just going to block them.
Then they come back in hot, so it's so confusing.
That is not masculine.
And then they expect you to leave everything
emotionally or logistically.
OK?
That's not masculine.
So mature.
This is about emotional and life stability.
Now, a lot of men don't have a lot of social emotional skills.
This is true.
Right?
They call it in school SEL, social emotional learning.
A lot of us are not.
Unless you've read a book or you've
taken some classes or something, we are not
really in touch with it.
So we're not really talking about that so much,
because that's a learned thing.
OK?
But a mature man takes responsibility
for his life and choices.
Whatever his life choices are, he
takes responsibility for them.
He communicates directly and respectfully.
Mm-hmm.
And he handles challenges without drama or avoidance.
A really good example of a man handling challenges
without drama or avoidance.
My niece was on a date with a guy,
and they walked over to the ice cream shop
because they had a patio outside, and they sat down.
And they had sat there for a while,
and the manager came out and was really aggressive.
And she was like, you can't sit here.
If you're going to sit here, you have to order something.
And she said, the guy said, would you like some ice cream?
And they went, yes.
Would you like some ice cream?
And they went in the store and ordered ice cream.
She said, he never frowned up.
He didn't look shocked.
He didn't do anything.
He just asked.
My niece was like, hey, would you like some ice cream?
And they went in the store, ordered ice cream,
came back out, and sat down.
It wasn't a big blow up.
He just took care of business.
So what it means practically, he's consistent and grounded,
not reactive or chaotic.
If something bothers him, these are some examples.
If something bothers him, he wants
to talk about it instead of pushing it
to the side or withdrawing.
He owns the past without blaming exes for everything.
You got to have some ownership in something
that can happen in your life, not just the man, but all of us.
Life doesn't happen without you being a part of it in some way,
even not to say if someone did you wrong, it was your fault.
That's not what I'm saying.
But even the part of how do we reconcile it,
what do we do for us?
What do we do for us?
Not reconcile a particular issue or a particular situation.
But when somebody says everything is somebody,
there is some part of you involved in something.
And I say some part of you, the reason it went wrong,
that's not that, that you were involved.
And so a lot of times, the language
can come different when a person has taken accountability.
They can say, yeah, that was a really challenging
relationship, but I did what I needed
to do to build myself up and move on,
and I'm thankful for where I am.
There's a big difference between they did this,
and they did that, and they did this, and they did that,
and they did this, and they did that.
I just talked about the same situation,
but I talked about it from a different language.
I didn't talk about it as a victim,
but I talked about, yep, it was really hard, it was messed up,
but this is what I did.
So also, he owns his past.
We talked about that.
And he keeps his commitments.
He calls when he says he's going to call.
He shows up on time, does what he says he's going to do.
All right, and so what is not?
It's not ghosting, breadcrumbing, or playing games.
It's not blaming others for his circumstances,
and it's not avoiding serious conversations.
OK, and then the last one is marriage-minded.
This is about intentionality and alignment around commitment.
And it's kind of easy.
There's a difference between a man
who talks about the future, who's love-bumming you
to get you somewhere, versus a man who's marriage-minded.
If you ever talked to a marriage-minded man before,
you're going to know he's marriage-minded.
He kind of talks about things very quickly and right up
front.
Men don't hold back.
It's like, this is what I'm looking for.
This is what I want.
And you'll be like, I just started
talking to you 30 seconds ago.
I don't know what it is, so that's why you have to get
pacing.
And you can agree like, hey, I'm totally marriage-minded.
Yes, yes, you can get this list from me,
Ms. Bunny, for sure.
Yes.
Yes, ma'am.
Yeah.
And so, what was it?
So marriage-minded, he's intentional.
So a marriage-minded man wants a committed relationship
that leads somewhere.
He's not wanting to just talk to you
to talk to you for no reason.
He dates with purpose, not just for entertainment.
And he's open to building a future.
And I can post all of these things for y'all
if you want me to.
He's open to building a future.
Now, if you talk to a marriage-minded man
and at the end of the week, he says, let's go exclusive,
then there's something, there's some part of you
that has to adhere to some level of wisdom
and say, hey, let's just keep getting
to know each other for a while.
I definitely wanna talk about commitment with you
because I like where this is going.
But if we take our time, we'll get to see
if we really choose each other over some time.
Right, or you can say something like that.
Or it also, another thing depends on your age
and stage in life.
But, you know, Jackie said at the minimum,
at least 60 days.
And she said the sweetest spot is 90 days, okay?
But we're all at different stages.
So this is not a but.
That is the, you could get with somebody
and marry them in a month.
Like, I don't think it's not possible.
You could do it.
If you're 75 and somebody is, you know, 78,
I mean, I don't know if I'm gonna date you for six months.
Look, we on the clock.
Let's get to, you know what you want at that age.
Like, life is real simple.
It is a whole lot different.
So that's a little different.
Would I be riding this bus?
It's a bit different.
Yeah, yeah.
Even me, even me at 43, I'm like, look,
now you know what you want or you don't.
I ain't trying, you miss me with all that.
I'm not trying to ride a speedboat,
but I can spot out if somebody knows what they want
because I'm aware of myself.
But, so 60 days at minimum, 90 days is the sweet spot.
And I've had clients that say all the time,
and I just had somebody say to me recently,
and they was like, you know,
things really do change at 90 days.
I said, yeah, it really does.
A lot of that excitement.
See, when you first get with a person, boy meets girl,
everything that God put in place does the work for us.
You can't wait to talk to him.
I'm serious.
Two days seem like you've been knowing him for a month.
You literally have only been knowing him two days
and nobody can convince you that it's been two days.
I'm telling you, I've been there too many times.
I have watched the calendar, like move calendar,
move, move, surely it's been three weeks.
It's been an hour.
You have one good conversation and it's like,
you'll get up the next day, you think about him.
You want to talk to him, it's so good.
It feels so good.
And so like, and it's really nice,
especially if you have with a mature marriage,
masculine, masculine, masculine, mature marriage minded man,
because I always say to people,
like, just, just take in that time.
You don't get that back.
Like, even if you were to marry a person,
you don't get those weeks.
You know, like when you get phone wasted with somebody,
you don't get that back.
It's just, it's just this new energy go through you.
I'm like, have fun, have fun with it, you know,
but guard your heart without diligence.
But it does feel so good.
It does feel so real.
And if you don't guard your heart without diligence,
then at the end of the week,
you can be just as heartbroken
as if you had been with him for a month.
And everybody looking at you like, well, you really,
had you even seen him yet?
No, but it is so real.
And so anyway, I just wanted to touch on that.
And so ladies, I know, and I understand,
and it is not that it can't happen to me.
It can't happen to me.
It will, it will,
if I'm talking to somebody that I like, right?
And so you get that attention.
It feels good.
It feels like, yeah, I knew I looked good.
Yeah, I knew I still had it.
It's like, oh, so that dopamine rush, all the chemicals.
Anyway, so, and that's why we say don't kiss
because it only gets worse from there when you do that.
My, my, my, keep your physical stuff to yourself.
So a marriage minded man wants commitment. I'm gonna post it
He wants could he wants a committed relationship believe somewhere he dates with purpose not just for entertainment
And he's open to building a future what it means that he's not figuring it out indefinitely
You're not talking to a man who's trying to figure out something like this. He's always in the state of I'm figuring it out
I'm working on it. I'm figuring out I'm working on it ladies one thing. You got to remember that you are marriage minded
You want marriage
Don't let it be said that you date somebody two years and talking about guys writing your love story
You are marriage minded. Nothing wrong today to you. No, no, I don't know how you gonna abstain to you
But why be it for me? I don't know
I ain't gonna put myself in no boat like that, but I'm just saying people know what they wanted
that's why Jackie said it three months a conversation should be had a
Conversation should be had about where you're going
You can't continue to invest in that way a person know people know what they want, right? And so
Example he expresses that he wants a serious relationship
He asks meaningful questions about your values and goals and over time he moves toward exclusivity and commitment
Yep
so
What is it not?
You're not gonna hear a marriage my demands a marriage minded my
Marriage minded man say let's just see where it goes
That's not intentional at all I
Mean even if you were intentional about cleaning up your house, you would say I'm just gonna wake up and see what I get done
If you want to do some spring cleaning, you're gonna wake up with a plan
Okay, so simple things in life require intentionality
Let's avoid labels or
Future conversations now you do want to avoid future conversations
And labels in the sake of like pacing to get to know someone but are you in two months?
You ain't never heard none about the future or where he wants to go
You should have heard it by the and not even if he's saying he wants it with you just in general
You know how you just have those general conversations like you just talk about what you want or where you see yourself
Something like that and then keeping things casual long-term that's not gonna work. That's not a marriage minded me
If he's doing it, he's not marriage minded
So a more accurate framework for this think of it like this before dating
You're kind of screening for any red flags
It's like when you talk kind of screaming lightly screaming. We not to my walls
And we don't want to call yellow flags or no flag at all the red flag
and if we do we could just ask the community acts a coach we got you and
Then your first one to three dates you're sampling. Do I see any signs of the three M's?
Your first one to three dates are used to I see any signs
This that's it do I see any signs
And I don't want you to come back from the first day or from the first text message and be like, yep
He's everything he check all the boxes. He's marriage minded. He's masculine mature. I'm like good good that y'all discuss that now
Let's sit back and watch
It's time to observe okay, and then over time
Confirming you get to confirm. Is he consistent you get to concern you you get to come a firm?
Confirm if all these things that you have
Detected are they right and so
Any questions
Yeah, we want to do an activation this week where you ladies
Seek out the three M's in any man that you know now for somebody for you today think about an uncle or
Just train your eyes and your skill set to three M's to the masculine mature and marriage manner and I'm gonna post them in the
Activation so that you can be on the lookout. Let's learn how to spot these things in me
What does it look like? What doesn't it look like?
Okay, and so this could be a man you're dating. It could be a friend a co-worker a family member
It could be someone that you even observe in public
It can be even characters on shows or movies
Let's learn to train our eyes to to spot the three M's in a man, so you won't spend a lot of time
The goal is to you to build the recognition of these skills
Okay, I think it's gonna be fun. So this is not just evaluating a date. Oh, I'm good. We had good conversation. No, no, no
We
We are training our eyes to see the three M's.
Because if you don't see the three M's,
you do get to see what they are possibly.
If you don't see that, you're going
to have no choice but to see the opposite, and not
even in a critical way.
So if they don't show consistency,
what do they really show?
Inconsistency.
If they don't have a future plan, what don't they have?
They don't have a plan.
What areas in their life have they ever shown commitment?
Have they ever been committed to anything?
Do they keep their commitment?
So on and so forth.
So each day, you're going to reflect on these simple prompts.
Where did I see masculine energy today?
Where did I see maturity today?
And then where did I see marriage-minded today?
I don't know what it is about my words.
Where did I see that today?
OK.
And then one of the things that you can do
is also ask yourself, where do you embody these things?
Do you carry consistency and commitment?
Are you truly marriage-minded?
Are you mature?
You will be feminine, not masculine.
So are you marriage-minded?
Are you feminine?
Are you mature?
Do you carry the things that you desire from others?
So that means if I carry maturity,
if I carry marriage-minded, then I'm not carrying somebody
else's trash around.
I'm not with somebody or talking with somebody
or entertaining someone who's not these things.
Because how could we even agree?
I am not that.
I am marriage-minded.
So would I really be talking to somebody
who's not marriage-minded?
Unless I also am not marriage-minded, right?
Like there's something happening there.
Water seeks its own level.
So we can evaluate, especially if you're talking to somebody,
you can evaluate that.
Like I already got questions running through my mind.
Like, oh, this is a good one.
I'm teaching to myself tonight.
OK?
So great.
All right, I'm going to stop right here.
And then we're going to start with Nadine.
Rachel, then Lauren, go for it, Nadine.
I told you I want to talk about something, right, Nadine?
Yes, ma'am.
I'll just kind of give a quick update.
I had a serious conversation with Stephen yesterday.
So I'm not doing the best today, but we just
kind of keep getting stuck around the topic of content,
like videos and books and things like that,
like what we allow in the home.
And I feel like we could get to a consensus in some ways,
but there are just certain things that I just
cannot allow in the home.
And so we're kind of taking some time to just think about it
and pray about it and just write out
like exactly what that looks like so we
can kind of revisit it.
Give me an example of this video
and continue talking about.
Yeah, like for instance, I really don't.
For me personally, I don't watch TV anymore for the most part.
If I watch a movie, it's centered on Christ
or it's wholesome.
Like I don't want cursing.
I don't want violence.
There's just certain things I don't want to deal with.
And then for my son, I try to do Christian-based,
but it's really hard.
And so if he does watch something,
I try to make sure it's the cleanest that I can do.
And there are some times where we do watch a movie
and there's a part of it that's not honoring to the Lord.
Maybe there's like a yoga or something like that.
We fast forward through it, and I kind of
talk about why we don't do those things.
So I just am very particular.
I cannot watch something that has witchcraft in it at all.
I've been very diligent about stewarding my home in that way
in the last few years.
And so there are times where we have conversations
and this feels like it's going to be hard for him.
And I don't, you know, we've talked about-
What's the disagreement about it?
I'm not trying to cut you off, but I need to be-
In order for me to-
keep up with you to be in where you're going. I need to know what your disagreement is.
I understand your stance. I need to know what the disagreement is.
The disagreement is I think he thinks that I only do Christian things and it's like,
it's not that it has to be only Christian based, but I can't have dark stuff in my home.
And it feels like he's on the same path, but somehow we just keep getting stuck there.
Give me an example of y'all being stuck.
Well, the conversation yesterday where I just,
we don't even know what topic to call this. We just keep calling it content.
We don't even know what content.
So what does he want?
He wants to allow books and shows and music into his life.
And he's okay if there may be some cursing in there and he's okay if there's like a war movie
and there's some, and I understand, he said something about like, I don't want to watch
Game of Thrones where there's like high sexual promiscuousness in there and gorgy
scenes and cursing and all of that.
And this is where it's like, I feel like we're saying the same thing in two different ways,
but I think my level might be a little higher as far as what I can't deal with.
Okay.
Um, Nadine, I would like you to ask God to give you some non-negotiables from heaven
based on how he's designed you and what is going to best serve your life from his perspective.
Not from your perspective.
And the reason why you didn't explain it all to me,
but I'm concerned when you say to me at the end of the day,
we're still basically saying the same thing.
I don't want you to miss the weight of your matters on little small things.
We oftentimes, especially because you just said to me, y'all agree.
You think that y'all are basically agreeing,
but there's a little, little hints here and there.
That's what you just said to me.
And so what happened is that when we major in the minor,
it costs us, you don't know it, but it's costing you
because anybody that you blend your life with,
they are not going to be you when you look in the mirror.
And you, you're not, it's possible not to put your focus on the weight of your matter
as to what you carry and how it's going to shape and influence your partner.
Because marriage is designed to make us more holy than it is to make us happy.
God creates marriage for kingdom assignments.
Are you tracking with me?
And so oftentimes when we come up with this list of things,
we can't, we don't have the ability to encompass
what that union is going to produce in the other person for the glory of God.
And so when you major in the minor, but you tell me, we basically agree.
Like he's not going to bring sex images over your son.
He's not going to play anything, play, bring witchcraft books in your house.
So you're not seeing this man trying to bring some witchcraft books in the house.
You know, that's the one, that's the one topic where it's like,
I don't really get commentary on that.
Like he likes Harry Potter or something.
Well, he said he's never watched it or read it.
Like he doesn't know his mom didn't allow it in his home,
but he doesn't give me this definitive.
We won't have that in my home.
And I, that's what he, and I don't, I wouldn't give you that.
You don't get to control another person's life in that way.
You are not Holy Spirit.
You are not father God.
You are not the one that brings conviction in his life.
You will be the one that stands beside him and walks with him.
That when you see him going in a different direction, you can pray for him
and change the trajectory of your household and of your husband.
And so the fact, the idea that I want to war out anything
that has a sound or taste of evil is not life.
The Bible says that in this life, you will have trouble.
And what do I mean by that?
There are way to your matters that are at play here.
Like if he's righteous, if he's submitted to the Lord,
if the Holy Spirit has a calling.
Holy Spirit speaks, will he hear?
Does that make sense?
Are you tracking with me?
I hope this is not too hard for you to swallow,
but I want you to swallow it
because even if he's not the one,
somebody else is coming
and they're not gonna line up in your little line.
They're not coming in your box, Nadine.
They won't even be able to sharpen you
if they fit in your box.
They won't be of any use to you
if when they look in the mirror,
if when you look at them, you see yourself.
So track with me.
This is not a fight for him.
This is not me contesting for him.
If you decided you don't wanna be with him,
you don't have to be.
I believe this experience is serving you
more than you could count it,
like you could ever imagine.
I'm happy for you to be on this journey with him.
I'm happy that you're getting to do this relationship
with a person who is keeping you safe,
who is honoring you, who doesn't dishonor you,
who's not trying to pull you out the path
that God has called you to, right?
That you can have conversations with.
This is a wonderful experience for you,
but I really do want you to hear heaven
about heaven's negotiables, non-negotiables for your life.
And then I want you to, if you want to,
if you will sit with this and see if it resonates with you
and this for any, like, Lord,
who have you built me to be a helpmate for?
Because see, that is a different question
than who's gonna come and fit in my life
and who's gonna do ministry with me
and who's gonna be what I need them to be
and how they're gonna align
with what I think is best for life.
But heaven is saying,
I created marriage in my order and in my way.
And so God, who have you built me to help?
And so a lot of times when we forget
that we're called to be helpmates,
because when you help the husband,
the husband makes space and capacity for you.
That's just the cycle.
That's just the order.
That's how it goes.
There's no married woman who didn't come in
and didn't help her husband,
who didn't come and help build him.
The Bible says that when a man find a wife,
he finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord
because she is his favor before the Lord.
She undergirds him.
And it's not to no point.
It's not that she's his doorstep.
When she does it, it actually builds her up.
It esteems her.
So ask everyone, ask heaven,
what non-negotiables do you have for me?
This is what I mean when I talk about the way your matters.
And who have you built my hands to help?
Whose helpmate am I?
Because help goes both ways.
By your eyes, we can look and judge a man
if he's somewhere preaching, if he's laying hands on,
he can hear, if he's praying, if he's this.
When the anointing is on a man, he looks good,
but the anointing on the man does not speak
for the heart of the man.
They are two different things.
And no one knows the heart of the man but the Lord.
And so the judgment of the measure that we use
can fall so short.
I don't care how holy and wonderful it sounds.
It's of no regard because you can't see five years,
10 years, 15 years.
You can't see how you're gonna be sharpened
and molded and shaped and transformed.
You can't see what you fully bring to the table
10 years from now,
nor can you see what that person will bring to the table.
Somebody can be everything you want them
to be spiritually right now.
And in 10 years, they could toss God to the side
and turn their back.
That's true.
Plenty of people have done it.
They didn't start out that way.
I know lots of people whose husbands
turned their backs on God.
It was 10 years before they got back on track.
Powerful people now, but there was her husband
what she gonna do?
Say, I ain't gonna stay married to you no more.
So, I know I didn't let you finish.
You can still finish Nadine,
but I don't feel like get you.
No, I will say, I feel like in just these last few weeks,
I've had so much refining and I am seeing a lot of red flags,
but I'm not seeing them in him.
I'm seeing them in me.
And I think I'm very uncomfortable in some ways
and it's good.
I wanna be stretched, but at the same time,
some of this stuff is hard to comprehend.
I literally just went through almost all the New Testament
to pull out these things about holiness.
And I think there's still a strong.
that has to be broken. But yeah. Listen, holiness is a posture of the heart
and your works can't get you to holiness. I don't care how many scriptures you pull out,
just like you can't make yourself hungry for God. Hunger is supernatural. You can seek him,
you can be steadfast, you can be diligent because he rewards those who diligently seek him.
But his presence don't come until he releases it. He doesn't show his face till he show his face
and you sit at his feet. You're going to sit for a while before it comes, but he is the great reward.
And I know that, I know that you are excellent at following rules and it's a wonderful thing.
It's nothing wrong with it. You find safety in that. And I'm not trying to pull you away from
safety, but because you are designed this way, it's going to be very important that you get
your non-negotiables from heaven. That's going to be even more important for you
because your rule follower, you are less likely to bend and marriage requires a lot of bendability.
It's just the nature of it. You're not leaving space for what God designed a wife to be.
No, you want perfection and that's with Christ.
And the more you realize it for yourself, the greater aware you become of you,
the more, the less you will require of someone else to make you feel safe
because you would have found your safety and surety in Christ.
And then you walk into, this is your journey into being God defended.
And so, you know, that was patient of him to have that conversation with you.
But this man gets to choose in his own house, what he watches, what he drinks, what he eats.
Do you want a drunkard at your table? No, I'm sure that you don't. I'm not insinuating that.
So don't take me where my heart is not going or my words are not going,
but this is an adult. He's not your child.
And so then it be said at that point, then it'd be said at that point, then, okay, if you are going
to not, we're not talking about witchcraft. You said for the most part, you believe y'all
are on the same page. Okay. It'll make you feel better if he said what you wanted to hear.
I think you should honor him for not saying what you want to hear.
Because he knows it would be better if he just said what you want to hear, but he won't say it.
Because he knows it would be better if he just said what you want to hear, but he won't do that
for you. Because once you marry him and he watch you, what you going to do? Go get a divorce?
I know you ain't. So it's better to look at things realistically. So if he does like action movie,
and he does like to watch when they go in and shoot them up because they did the people wrong,
everybody's going to die today. Well, I asked that you do this in your man cave. I asked that
you do this in your, you know, in some way that's just for you where you're not around or your son
is not around because you don't want to expose yourself to that. And you may say, I don't even
want them spirits in my house. Oh, it's going to be something in your house that you're going to
have to pray for. You need to pray anyway. You're going to be praying, pray it on out of there.
You got the spirit in you, deal with it, right? Or say, Hey, can you go to the movies and watch it?
Or, you know, like there are so many things that you could do to deal with it
because you realize that you're joining with another person.
And so if it's not movies and books, it's going to be something that's different, Nadine.
And so what you want to look for is your, especially when you're basically on the same
page, like this man is committed to righteousness. You know, you got a Holy
spirit that's going to work for you too. Now, right. He can bring conviction. Now you can't,
but he can, he, you can bring guilt and manipulation. That's what you can bring.
Holy spirit brings conviction that leads them to repentance.
But what I was trying to say is this is going to have to be worked out that way in a lot of areas.
And so there are weightier matters at hand. I'm not telling you to brush this on the road,
but how about you take this and say, what can we do to show yourself that you are marriage minded?
That I do want to do life with someone. And, Oh, I think we got a little thing about movies.
Let's see what we can do. How can we work this out?
Okay. So not trying to beat a dead horse.
Don't please do the homework I gave you. I would like to hear heaven's negotiation.
non-negotiables for your life.
I will, thank you.
Do you mind to touch really quick on just
him having a lot of the feminine friends
or like female friends?
Well, you said they didn't bother you.
It doesn't bother me.
I actually like it because, you know, as a single mom,
I probably will be wanting to care
for a lot of single moms and he has that heart.
So I like that, but I just,
because he doesn't have strong guy community around him.
It's just one of those, which he's,
he did say that's something that he wants.
So.
Men more easily like to be around the nurturing,
the feminine energy of a woman.
And they do have a hard time building community with men.
That's just a real thing.
But when you guys go exclusive,
before you say yes to exclusivity,
you can tell him that's something
you would like to see change
and you can create a plan on how that's going to change.
Okay.
And so if, hey, it's time to have,
because y'all are almost at 90 days, I'm sure.
Really close.
What you will say then at that point is,
I'm sorry, I saw somebody else,
he ain't come up, I ain't write down.
What you want to say at that point is,
yes, I want to go exclusive.
I don't know what you're going to say.
If you say no, but if you say yes, I'll go exclusive.
When I go exclusive,
now I start evaluating you as a spouse.
And one thing that I'm not as comfortable with
is the number of female friends that you have,
but more so the amount of male community that you have.
This is something that I would like to see increase.
And so let's just say over the next two months,
you will, with intentionality,
seek out some male community.
Yeah.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Okay, Rachel.
Yes, Ebony, I have a question.
Yes.
When you're talking about marriage-minded,
one of the things that come up for me is,
I feel like I'm moving in a different direction,
like career-wise and path-wise.
Right now I'm currently in education
and I'm preparing to leave.
And I think there is a fear in my heart
around dating and not having that surety,
if that makes sense.
Surety in the sense of,
okay, I don't know what the path is
necessarily with my career.
I mean, I'm exploring things.
There are things that are in my heart.
I'm taking classes, but it's not like a tomorrow thing
because I feel like I'm moving into healthcare
and it's gonna take time to finalize a product,
if that makes sense, to get to the final end to that.
And I think that there's a fear in my heart
when you're talking about marriage-minded,
the sense of like,
oh, since I don't have clarity about that,
I feel like there is a holding back in my heart of like,
oh, if I'm not so sure,
do I really want to?
I know dating is for discovery.
I'm not diminishing that at all,
but I feel like that in my heart,
there is still this tension of like,
yes, if I'm moving into this thing,
that's gonna, it might take longer than I,
it's probably gonna take at least four years, you know?
And although I don't have the clarity yet,
I'm still speaking with the Lord
and figuring out what my desires are
because it might be medical school,
it might be becoming a psychologist.
Like I know it's healthcare,
I just don't know which one yet.
So that's where I'm, does that make sense?
Like I'm marriage-minded, yes, I want to be married,
but there's this hold back in my heart of like,
ooh, if I, what does that look like if I throw into this?
And does that make sense?
So it makes sense and I understand.
So what I hear you saying is I wanna switch careers,
but I know if I switch that career,
it's gonna demand more time of me,
which would give me less capacity to date.
And I don't wanna choose something
that's gonna take away from me dating
because I am marriage-minded and I wanna be married.
Yes, but also just the sense of like,
if you're dating, the point is to get married, right?
You're not just dating for the sake of dating forever.
So being in that in-between place of like,
okay, do I just drop the transition?
Does that make sense?
I'm having a hard time expressing what I'm trying to say, but I just feel like there's
a hold back in my heart and I don't want that to stop me from even trying to do the challenges
and go on dates.
But it is in my heart, I can't ignore it.
Right.
And so I'm going to answer you and then if this response doesn't meet what you were explaining,
then you share more with me.
I don't believe that you have to drop one for the other.
I believe that you should continue in the path that you're headed and do whatever you're
going to do.
Because ideally, I would like to see you married next year whenever you would like to be married,
but neither you or I know the timeline that heaven has set aside for your love story.
And in him, you don't have to have one or the other.
The father does it all.
You can be in medical school and get married.
You may say, well, I'm not going to have time to date.
I don't know.
You may have time for a study partner.
You never know who that might turn out to be.
Right.
So the possibilities are endless.
You don't know where you're headed, but you can't stay where you are.
There is purpose on your life.
And the first fulfillment is within Rachel.
Your first call is as unto God, seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and his righteousness.
All these things will be added unto you.
And so the addition is coming.
And so if you're walking out of one place and the Lord is leading your foot and feet
into another place, go where the Lord is leading you.
Because it's in those places, you don't know whose sister you're going to meet in medical
school, who's this you're going to meet somewhere.
And so it's just the chances are more in your favor than they are against you.
And you're not going to look up four years after you spent four years in medical school
and lost more of your life and you're still not married.
I disagree with that.
I believe when we partner with heaven, God always gives us the best.
He is good all the time.
And that is the mindset that we have to have.
And if he's not moving right now in this area, the way we want it, then we ask him, where
is your hand and where are you moving so I can get on board?
Because you want to be where his hand is moving.
Because that's where the favor lies for you.
The goodness lies for you.
The fulfillment is in that thing.
Because what I would want to see you do, if I had to process it, you knew you were called
to do something different.
You met somebody tomorrow, you got married, and then all of a sudden you never fulfilled
that thing, but it was in your heart and you know God called you to it.
And so there are so many ways you can process that out.
But my thing is, if there's a green light, go until the Lord gives you a red light.
And that's in any area he wants to grow in your life.
That makes sense.
So I think part of it, as you're talking, I think part of it, and I'm processing it
with you, I think part of it is that uncertainty.
I think that's where, I think that's the real, if I can put my finger on it, I think it's
the uncertainty of, oh, I don't know, am I going to be married next year?
Am I going to be like, I think the uncertainty, am I going to get into medical school?
I don't know.
Is it going to be, you know, psychology?
I think that's what, I think that's where I need to spend time in praying about.
And I think you gave me a word of wisdom to just, you know, keep with the dating, keep
processing with, you know, getting the classes and keep going the path and wherever, you
know, if the Lord has to stop me, he'll redirect me, but I don't need to worry so much about
the end product.
Okay.
No, you just need to go.
You have a green light.
Just go.
Okay.
That's good.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
All right.
Kelly.
I mean, no.
Yes.
Lauren.
Sorry.
Lauren.
Hey, Lauren.
Hi, Ebony.
Hey.
So the main thing I kind of wanted to talk about, I had posted it in the group almost
a couple of weeks ago.
What?
No, you had responded about that dream that I had had.
Yes.
I said, I'm sorry.
It has been so long since that feels like it's been so long since that happened.
But last week I was not feeling well, so I wasn't able to really stay on the call.
And it was a Wednesday that I had posted it.
So this is the next time after last Tuesday when I couldn't do it because I was not feeling
well.
Okay.
But we were talking about you wanting me to talk about more with that dream, since it
was about the long dead having rising and all of...
Well, I got to remember, it was a really good dream, though.
I thought it was feel...
it was yeah it it felt and I normally don't either have dreams or if I do have dreams in the night I
don't remember what they are and so the fact that it was it has been this you know has stayed with
me and stuff I mean I have written the stuff and stuff from it down too so that's of course part
of it but the fact that it has been so impactful I think is also the holy spirit on it
but basically to talk about what the dream was I was like watching on
the tv in my living room and it was like Downton Abbey um I've never seen Downton Abbey none of
it so it's not because it was you know watching too much of that and letting things come into my
mind um and in the dream the both you know that I don't since I haven't seen it I don't know
who she is on the show but um Maggie Smith who had died a couple of years ago was the Dowager
Countess lady on the show apparently or I believe Countess I'm not sure exactly what she was
but she was on there and in the dream both she and her husband who obviously was the old
lord of the manor had died and then the family was mourning the two
dead patriarch and matriarch of the family and in the dream there was like in a kind of a
almost like a mausoleum and the over the where the bodies were there was it was like a glass
coffin kind of like almost out of no white or something like that so you could you know see
where the bodies were and they were of course mourning going through all of that and then
they left and went out of the main part of the room to another area or something and
there was a big crash and then they were all running back into the room and both the old
lord and then lady were both back alive and they were standing there laughing you know
hugging each other since they were both together and alive and it was you know of course amazement
for the family both of these people these lost loved ones are back alive
in the dream I was like I said sitting on my couch and out of my window in the dream still
there was a big strong wind almost like there was a big storm coming through and I interpreted that
was like you know the wind of the lord the breath of the lord coming through and then I had woken
up that was the end of the dream after the the wind the breath of the lord came through outside my
window yeah and have you had any more revelation of it um I mean I had had revelation about you
know that both of these figures that were dead were had been dead for a long time so kind of
going back to what Jackie had talked about that previous weekend on Supernatural Saturday about
not just immediately dead rising that even dreams and things that are long dead having risen because
of that and then of course the stuff with the wind breath of the lord um I haven't really
had you know too much else besides just you know the
the initial joy and things of the amazement of the dead being back to life and the all of them
you know being back together and the fact that it was a husband and wife that had both kind of you
know felt also significant to me I don't want to try to make things into what they're not but
oh well the thing about it is when you get
dream from the Lord. He's giving it to you so you can explore. He's inviting you into a realm with
him. He's saying, come in. Yeah. He's not, he's not concerned about you doing something or this
is, I just want you to know the Lord is inviting you to come into a place. And so have you been
praying into this dream? I have been trying to pray about it. I need to be, you know, a little
bit, spend a little bit more time. What are you praying? If he has more to reveal about it.
I want to encourage you to go and read Ezekiel when he had the encounter with the Lord. And he
asked him, he's talking about the house of Israel, but he said, could these dry bones live? He said,
Lord, God, you know, he told him to speak to the dry bones. He said, can some, some, some,
then the sinews and the flesh came on the, the wind of God came and put breath into their bones.
I want you to read that. And then I want you to take every dead place in your life and write it
down. And I want you to begin to declare every day over those dead things in your life that the
breath of God will come and breathe into it. I want you so much to ask Holy Spirit. I want you
to say, Holy Spirit, what is dead in my life? Even the things I don't know, show them to me.
And I want you to take some time. It could be over the next few days, but whatever you get,
start writing it down. After you read that, I want you to grab one of those scriptures.
And I give you every day, you're going to be consistent in it. Set yourself for 30 days,
10 days. I just want to see some consistency. It ain't gotta be 30 days. You can do 10 days,
but be consistent. And it's going to sound like this. Say, Lord, you told Ezekiel, you asked him
if these dry bones could live. And he said, Lord God, you know. And so Lord God, I say right now,
as I lay these dead bones in front of you, you know they could live. So I pray right now that
your wind will come the same way it came in my dream and bring everything dead back to life.
I declare that my confidence is coming back to life. I declare that the union and the marriage
that you have for me is alive. It is not dead. I declare. So you're going to start declaring the
wind of God over every single thing that the Holy Spirit shows you, even if he wants to bring
dreams back that you have forgotten about. There's so many things in our life that we don't even
remember. There's so many things on our design, our DNA, our blueprint from heaven that we don't
remember. But Holy Spirit will prophesy to us. When the Holy Spirit prophesies, it's him waking
up our DNA saying, don't you remember? Do you remember this? So that's what I want you to do.
I want you to find that word because God honors his word. And I want you to read it. I want you
to catch it. And then I want you to write out your list. And I want you to start declaring the wind
and breath of God into those dead things. And I believe that you're going to gain some traction
from that. I want you to come back and let me know. And if in 10 days you don't gain traction,
then you pray another 10 days. Okay. Yeah. Thank you, Ebony. I will. You're welcome. I'm excited.
Okay, Kelly.
You started out with patterns, determines. Can you go into that a little bit more?
So patterns, yeah. Patterns determine where we're headed in life. So,
and I even compared it with prophecy. You can have a prophecy over your life that you're going to be,
maybe you're going to be a mayor one day. You were supposed to be it in a year.
But your pattern right now, you're an addict and you've yet to come clean. What are the chances
that you're going to be a mayor next year if you don't get out of drugs? Right? So you have a
pattern of addiction. Well, that pattern is going to have to be broken before you can step into the
things that God has for you. God can have things for you, but as long as you believe that you're
not worthy, you'll never get there. We can make it as just simple as that. So your pattern of
unbelief and doubt will keep you out of the promises of God. The same way it did the children
of Israel when they were supposed to go over into the promised land. They lived in the wilderness
many more years longer than they should have. And the Bible says it was because of their unbelief.
It wasn't that the promise of God wasn't true, that the land wasn't there waiting for them,
but their unbelief and doubt, which was a pattern of behavior that they had,
it was in their heart, kept them out of the promised land.
Maybe that's probably even better. Thank you, Holy Spirit. Did that help? And so we want to do
is evaluate our patterns in life that are holding us back from the goodness of God. Things that you
know God would want you to have. What is that pattern? What is that belief system that we have
working in us? So I will say, Holy Spirit, show me any patterns that are keeping me back from the
abundant life you have promised me. You know, even if I think about myself and I think about
patterns, there's a pattern that I have. I do really good with eating, and then on the weekend,
I'm going to go somewhere, I'm going to have dessert. Then all of a sudden, I get dessert
that weekend. This is a true story. Then Monday, I want something else. On Tuesday, I want something
and so I might end up forever starting over or I don't start, I might get picked back up by a little
prophet, but still that pattern is slowing me down because it's not that I don't have the ability to
do it. It's not that I don't have the knowledge or the wherewithal or the understanding to pull
these things out, but I have a pattern of going, stopping, going, stopping, going, stopping,
and it takes a long time to get to the other side of the street. If you go a little,
stop a little, go a little, stop a little, right? Yeah. I can't hear you, Kelly.
Sorry. Thank you. Yes, that helped.
Great. Yay, Mandy.
I'm sorry.
Hey, Mandy, this may not be what you want to ask about, but I want to get a little
declarative on this. Were you saying that there were multiple at one time or multiple
incidents like that one by different men or they all did this at one time to you?
It was multiple. It started when I was really young until college.
And it was all in the same offense way or they broke your heart or all the same?
No, just like crossing boundaries, saying no, not listening.
I'm sorry about that.
Well, yeah, but I would have liked to have considered that. I didn't have no clue,
but my mind had processed something I didn't. I thought it was one person.
It's okay. I was trying not to make the post long, so I did cut out a lot of details.
Just to give you the gist of why I've struggled with it. But like I said,
the Lord really brought it up to me just this past week. And it's interesting the timing of it
because I'm meeting with Justin for the first time on Saturday, and he is a white male.
And so I have not dated anybody white in a long time. Because like I said, it's like anybody but
white. That's been my thing, but I didn't realize it was because this wound was so deep with the
guys that took advantage of me and took my virginity and different things like that,
who just treated me like garbage. But anyway, so it's going to be interesting. It's going to be
good. I was writing down some questions about it, or questions to ask him different things. But
we've been talking for like a month and a half. And I met him on the Holy app, like I said,
but then I deleted the app because I really cannot. I can't go back to any apps. It's just
that is my conviction that the Lord, it's just weird. I don't know how to explain it. I'm not
against them. I feel like I have to justify myself because this is part of the program and I just
can't. Anyway, because yeah, there's just, I'm too far in my walk with God to deal with immature
men. And I just waste, I don't have the time to work capacity to have that many conversations
with people. Right. So he's the only guy I'm talking to, because I'm not on the app. I'm not
since he's not my type. I have this kind of guarded feeling, my heart's guarded, which is
good. And after I did the forgiveness worksheets and individually forgiving and went through that,
we had such an awesome FaceTime conversation. And it was a lot of fun, a lot of laughs.
Um, he's very like, I don't know, he asks really great questions and, um, I can tell, um, that he
really wants to get to know me for me. Um, and so, yeah, I don't know. I think it's nice that
he's driving four hours to come see me and I, I know. And I feel like the timing of everything,
he's paced it really well. Like asking for my number. He waited like a week and a half on the
app to ask me for my number. And it was after we had like really good conversation that was
consistent. And then after a month, he asked if he could see me in person. So I like his pacing,
um, with everything. However, all my plans were going to be outside because I wanted a public,
you know, public place and different things. Well, it's going to be thunderstorming and
raining like 70% chance here in Knoxville on Saturday. So, um, I think he's going to teach
me how to play pickleball and I found some indoor.
ports. And we're gonna do that. And then I found this pottery
place that looks like some fun. So I was thinking we could do
that. And then maybe grab dinner or whatever. So yeah, I think
there's still layers there with the his race, which is crazy to
say I know, because I'm, I'm Italian, I'm white, you know,
so, um, but I'm like, I don't know. Yeah, I'm, I'm proud of
myself. And I facetimed him without makeup. So that was a
huge, huge step. But I think it was almost like a low key self
sabotage. Because I was like, Well, if you don't like me like
this, then go ahead.
When I facetimed somebody and they move up, I had my hair
blown it on.
You know, because this is what you're gonna get. So but it
didn't scare him yet. So it's cool. But he's, he's really
sweet. He's very, very kind. And there's been no sexual talk, no
boundaries crossed, no in you windows. I don't think I've ever
talked to a guy this long without them bringing up
something along those lines. Yeah. So it's been very nice and
refreshing. So even if this is just I needed to meet him in
order to for God to reveal this deep wind that I had, because
there's a lot of emotions that came up heavy, like just, I
even felt like a scared child at one point while I was like doing
this. So it was like, the the manifestations that were coming
up were pretty heavy. At one point, I felt like I wanted to
scream, but I live with my parents. So I'm not gonna do
that at two o'clock in the morning. But it's just one of
those things where I'm like, it was it was deep. And I could
just feel the different layers. Yeah. So I think I'm dealing a
little bit with vanity. Personally, I feel like I've
dated pretty attractive men. And he's not attractive to me. So
he's cute. He's just not my type. So I really am trying to
I'm really asking the Lord to let me see him through the
lenses of Jesus. I need to see him the way the Lord sees him.
And vice versa. You know, he's he doesn't really give a lot of
compliments to me either. And I haven't given any. I'm like, if
we're not attracted to each other, then what's the point of
this? You know? But yeah, so anyway, that's my update. And
that's
yeah. Um, you know, Jackie says this all the time. And I totally
agree. It's amazing how a quality man, the level of
quality is can change what he looks like on the outside. It is
very, very true.
Yeah. And I have dated guys like that. I did one guy. And I
thought he was ugly, like ugly. I never would have thought to
date him. And then we became friends. And we were friends for
about a year. And I was honestly like, he was like the most
attractive man I ever dated. And then I did. Right, right.
And he he still went like to that day, like he was just so
cute. I was just like, enamored with him. And then, you know,
my kid's father, he's just tall, dark and handsome. And I was
just like, he was fine. And that was it. That was the level of it
just stopped at that, you know, so that I'm like, I really don't
want that again, either. So yeah, anyway, okay, thanks for
sharing. I'm excited. Keep us updated. You heard me Mandy?
Yes, I will.
Hey, Nikki.
Yay, Mandy. I'm so excited.
Hey, Nikki, are you still here? Oh, hey.
Hi.
Hey, I'm here. Sorry. Okay. It's okay. Go for it. I'm sorry. I
haven't been on for a while. I was away on a mission trip.
Yeah, I was away on a mission mission trip. But it's good to
be back. I went to Africa. Oh, what part? I was actually in
Ghana. Okay, cool. And actually, um, I wanted to get
your perspective and something that happened during the mission
trip. Yeah. If that's okay. Yes. So where should I start? Let me
see. So, um, towards the end of the mission trip, um,
During the mission trip, the leader had told me that they wanted to, like, trip me to, like, a Chinese restaurant.
But that didn't happen until, like, the day before I was leaving.
And he, like, came to pick me up from where I was staying, and then there was a girl that was with me.
She's, like, always with me wherever I go. She comes with me just to help me and just to be with me.
But so he came and he, like, told her not to come, not to go with us, so she stayed behind.
And then we went to this, to the restaurant, and I was, like, just thinking in my head, oh, maybe his wife is going to meet us there.
So we got there, and, like, she wasn't there. No one was there. It was just him and I.
And then we started talking about different things, and he told me that he brought my leader here before, when they came.
And I was, like, okay. I was, like, okay, maybe he's just, like, just bringing me here because it's, like, the last day, and he just wanted to be nice.
And so we started talking about different things, and then, like, he asked me, like, have I ever been in a long relationship before?
And I said yes when I was in college, and he was, like, so was that, like, 16 years ago?
And so I just, like, and then I felt strange. I felt weird inside, and I'm, like, okay, where's this going?
And I was, like, okay, this doesn't feel, well, this doesn't feel good.
And I was, like, oh, where is your wife? And I said her name, and I was, like, is she working?
And he was, like, no, she, like, she said something, like, she works from home, and I was, like, okay.
And then towards the end, I was, like, I'm going to go use the restroom.
And I went to use the restroom, and I just, like, Lord, this does not feel right inside.
So I was, like, I was just thinking about different things, and I was, like, I'm going to go back out there, and I'm just going to get my bag and just start leaving.
So I went back out there, and then I picked my bag up, and he asked me to wait because he was on the phone.
He was, like, can you just wait for two minutes? So I waited, and then we left, and then we went back to where I was staying.
And ever since then, I just, I don't know, I just felt weird inside.
And, yeah, I wasn't sure if it was a cultural thing, or it was just, like, like, yeah.
Yeah. And so are you still in touch with him?
Yes, because he ended up coming to the state the day before I came back, and I saw him because he was at a conference.
But he left. He's not in my area anymore.
You want me, are you in direct communication with him?
I haven't spoken or texted him since Sunday, but when he was here, I had to communicate with him because he was at my previous church that I used to go to, and I ended up going to the conference, so he was there.
Oh, but I'm saying y'all are not having, like, private conversations, long conversations.
No, no, no, no.
Yeah, no, you were right, you know, that wasn't, that wasn't, that wasn't right.
You know, your, your discernment was on, or your intuition was on, that was not right.
And I think you did a good job with coming out of the bathroom, grabbing your things.
I mean, you don't have to use words when you can use your actions, you know.
Like, you let him know, like, I don't know what you're thinking, I ain't got no questions about what you're thinking, I ain't going to ask you what you're thinking.
I'm getting my stuff to go.
Because when you said, where's your wife?
And you went to the bathroom and you came back to get your things, did he pursue you when he came to the States?
Because when I came back, because he came back before I did.
and he went to a different state.
And when I came back,
I noticed that he called me three times.
And the last time I saw his call coming in,
but my phone was low.
I was like, my phone was dying.
So I didn't answer it.
And when I was about to go on my other transition,
the other flight, I text him and I said,
I arrived safely.
Right now I'm on my way home.
And that was it.
And then, um, yeah.
So what's your, what's your question?
You want to know if you like should block him?
What's your question?
I will just, at first I wasn't sure
if I was like overreacting and just like,
maybe, um, yeah,
but I don't think I was overreacting
or feeling weird or feeling strange.
Yeah.
You know, if you have to talk to him
because of ministry safe,
you can say to him, or if he reaches out to you,
you can just say,
hey, I'm really uncomfortable talking to you.
I was uncomfortable when you took me to the restaurant
without your wife present.
I'm not really sure, you know, I'm uncomfortable.
I was uncomfortable at the restaurant
and I'm uncomfortable with you reaching out to me.
We don't have anything to discuss.
And if we did, I would rather we talk through someone else.
Okay.
You know, something like that, along those lines.
Okay.
Yeah.
And then if he calls you after that,
if he texts you after that, say, hey,
I need you to recall the last message
or the last conversation we had.
And because you've crossed my boundaries
and you've reached out again,
I'm going to go ahead and block your number,
but I just wanted to let you know.
Okay.
What do you think about?
Is that something you think you could do?
Yeah.
Like, I don't think he's going to like,
try to contact me like outside of ministry.
And.
But if he contacted you within ministry,
are you prepared to,
cause you understand that
it's more on his mind than ministry, right?
You said there's more on his mind than ministry?
Or you think it's just ministry
and this is how he does it?
No, I think there might be more.
Cause I was thinking about other things that happened
and then like other things that he said.
And I was like, I wonder if he was saying that
because he was up to something.
Right.
So even for the sake of ministry is what I'm saying to you.
You're saying, well,
he's not going to contact me outside of ministry,
but even within ministry,
I would encourage you to put some boundaries up.
So I want you to know that this comment that you made
was uncomfortable for me.
When you took me to the restaurant without your wife,
that was uncomfortable for me.
If we have to interact for ministry sake,
I just want you to know that this is the boundary
and don't ever cross it.
Okay.
And so there needs to be something said,
cause the fact that you say nothing
speaks something at this point.
If you're saying that you may have to interact with him.
So if you may have to interact with him because of ministry,
you're going to want to address that.
Yes.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
But you're not, you're spot on.
But you might think,
you didn't know.
You didn't know.
If I don't say anything,
you might think it's okay, right?
Like why they didn't.
If he talks back to you again
and he makes a little come in and you let it slide by,
you know, you will want to say something.
And at that point,
if he says something to you
that sounds a little out of the way,
then you go ahead and mention the other things that happen.
If you are completely uncomfortable with working with him,
then you need to go ahead and be upfront
with your strong boundary is what I'm saying.
He could possibly not say anything to you again.
Interesting to me if he wouldn't say anything to you again,
but if he doesn't and you don't want to bring it up,
don't bring it up.
But if he does,
I encourage you to go ahead and lay your boundaries down.
Okay.
Because before this happened,
because I told him that I,
because he wanted me to do like a ministry related thing.
And I said, I can't move
cause I just got a house and I can't move.
And he goes like,
Oh, so no, I have a place to say when I come to visit.
And I didn't say anything at all.
Cause I wasn't sure if he was kidding or he was serious.
like yeah so next time he make one of those jokes you just say like I'm not I
don't know if you're playing but I just want you to know that I don't play like
that you're married me you have made some comments like this in the past they
don't sound like you're playing to me but let's just clear the air mm-hmm and
then you clear it up you give him direction okay it's good
I wanted to actually one thing do something quick a few weeks ago I had
tried the Facebook group and I put in the code but it didn't work so I wasn't
sure if it's not what state South Carolina is anyone in here in the South
Carolina group it may be that is not active does it look active when you look
at it just looking through it oh it acts for the code and then I enter it and it
didn't go through so I couldn't see it sometimes okay
okay will you email you email at me I don't even know why it's not showing up
on my did you go through the single see this is South Carolina I think it's in
Raleigh Oh shot sorry it's not Carolina Charlotte North Carolina Raleigh yeah
here enjoy huh I was still active let me see I'm just checking it out for you
now will you send an email to add me and I can't respond to you and tell them
that you were trying to connect with this single city yes I see that it has
68 members
no post and they hadn't had any post in the last month huh okay so that may tell
us something but email them let's see what they say okay I will okay thank you
so much for your advice no of course you're welcome did you break up with
that other guy huh did you break up with that guy that you only takes one
week do you remember are you talking to me
did you break up with that guy that you were talking to once a week over text
wasn't that you Nikki
now okay she's on mute Oh Nikki you want me I muted you too
Nikki oh sorry um no it's not me I haven't all right well ladies it has
been a pleasure I hope you all rest well on tonight I will post the activation we
want you to start picking out what those mature marriage mind and masculine
traits are so your I will be well trained for the suitor that heaven has
you to choose from right so we can choose well based on good quality
foundational things and so yeah keep posting and keep keep us updated keep
posted Tiffany did you see my response to you about that guy and about going
somewhere wasn't that you was that you Tiffany yes it was I did I haven't had
a chance to respond but you it was really funny you were kind of saying
exactly what my daughter was like don't be doing that mom yeah all right you're
welcome all right ladies have a good night thank you all you