Hey ladies, welcome.
Welcome to another adventurous night.
We're going to have a great time together.
Hopefully there's going to be some awesome breakthroughs and all of the things.
We'll love to see any of you that can come on camera.
So I'm not talking to myself, that would be awesome.
So I'm inviting you to come and join me.
I see that you have your screens off.
I see that you're here.
It still qualifies, but I do love to see you all.
So just want to welcome you and if we have any new ladies joining us, I'll kind of circle
back to this again.
Let me know that you are here and that you're new.
We want to welcome you specifically.
For those of you that are returning, welcome back.
We're so glad that you're here.
You're continuing to join us, do the work.
Hopefully you all are continuing to move forward in the actual coursework.
If any of you are stuck in the coursework, we want you to come into the group and tell
us because here's the reality.
Most people get stuck because of fear of facing something.
That happens a lot.
A lot of people get, well not everybody, but some people get stuck in all different weeks,
but a lot of people get stuck in Repentance and Confession Week and Forgiveness Week because
there are a lot of people that just aren't sure they're ready to forgive a certain person
or there's just a lot of different aspects.
Some people even get stuck in the week number one because they're just not sure about this
whole heartwork journey.
Is it really going to work because the enemy is speaking lies to them?
So many different factors.
So if what I'm saying applies to you in any way, like you're struggling to even do the
work, to read the book, to watch the videos, and you just feel stuck regarding moving forward,
if you have not already received coaching on that, definitely want you to come in the
group.
Talk to us about it.
Let us help you through that.
If you've already received coaching on that topic, I want to encourage you to apply the
things that you have been coached on.
Super important.
As you all go through this process, even when you all go into future groups and sessions
of our course, if you decide to do so, there's going to be coaches that are going to coach
you on relationship stuff.
Jackie's going to be coaching you on different things.
I'm going to be coaching in the other phases.
We have some other coaches as well.
The reality is that some people come to this community, they want to be coached, but yet
they don't want to take the coach's advice.
It always kind of dumbfounds me.
Whatever that is in us that causes us to reject what we're hearing, we need to be willing
to look at that as well.
Not that that's even happening with any of you all, but it's something that just was
stirring in my spirit a lot today.
I just want to encourage you to not ignore that stuff.
There's a reason why we struggle with certain types of things.
Don't get stuck in isolation.
Come into the group.
Talk to us about it.
Let us help you.
Again, if you're new for the first time, make sure you put in the chat for us that you're
new so we can welcome you.
We want to say hi to you specifically for my ladies coming back.
Again, for those of you that have joined recently, welcome back.
All right, let me go through a couple of their housekeeping things.
Here's one of the things that we know also impacts people.
FOMO, the fear of missing out.
There are some people that they are afraid they're going to miss their spirit mate.
Even if some guy that's unhealthy pops up into their lives when they're in the heartwork,
even though we're press and pause as we recommend here in the heartwork, some women will just
be so afraid that they're going to miss a guy that they'll just quit working on themselves
and go off course and start talking to that person.
I want to encourage you all to stay dialed in.
You're not going to miss out on your spirit mate.
You know that that's not possible, right?
I hope you do.
If you don't yet, I hope that you do by the end of this heartwork course.
God has a plan for you and God's going to help you walk into the fullness, the fullness,
the good, good plan for your life that we're going to talk a lot more about tonight.
If you will trust him to help you walk that path out, he will.
So go ahead and partner with that.
You're not missing out on anything.
You don't have to rush through super fast to get to the next phase, to get to all the
men because a lot of people come in and they think they're just going to get to all these
men.
We got to get to the men.
And then they rush through heartwork and you all, they end up regretting it later on.
Okay.
You got to let the heartwork work.
And so be here, be all in.
And I promise you it will pay off.
All right.
Um, here's another thing I want to encourage.
encourage you on. Last night, during our prophetic ministry night, which if you did not know,
we do that once a month, the last Sunday night of every month, we come on with our prophetic
team, some of our prayer leaders that are able to operate in the prophetic, and we do
our best to listen to the Lord and bring the word to minister to our last year single community.
And one of the things last night was just that God had showed me a word about people
really struggling with, feeling like they just are regretting the past. Like if the
song that God brought up in my spirit was an old Cher song, and I don't even know if
I have my notes with me right here, let me see if I can find them, because I can't remember
the words now. If I could turn back time, if I could find a way, that was the lyric
line that I specifically heard. And what God was showing me is that there are some people
in our community that are looking at their past, and they're just really struggling
with regrets. And, you know, just always wishing they could turn back time that they could
do something different. Y'all, we've all been there at one point or another. But if that's
something you like struggle with over and over and over, God is encouraging us as a
community to let that go. You know, the only way to move forward is to move forward, you
got to stop, we have to all stop looking at the past, we cannot change what's already
done. We can't. So all we can do is move forward, release those things, give yourself
permission and freedom to move forward in strength and grace. And God will show you
how much when we do that, a lot of things will start to get accelerated. And one of
the things I want to bring to the table tonight on that note, is that we don't want to allow
the what I call the shiny things to distract us either. So whatever that shiny thing might
be for you, okay, whatever it is, we all have them. It could even be friends, you know,
people just start messaging you because everybody needs help all of a sudden, and it makes you
feel good to feel needed by people. And so you put aside your own things and start just
helping everybody else. Maybe that's your shiny thing. Maybe it's social media, getting
caught up with that shiny thing, always what's going on with other people. Let's just live
our lives for this season, okay? How much could we get done if we all just kind of hone
in and live our lives, stop kind of living vicariously through other people and then
also getting depressed because other people have things that we don't have, technically,
because they're posting about it on social media. Let me just say this, I'm going to
spoil something for y'all. Do you know that there are a lot of people that post online
about amazing marriages and they don't have amazing marriages? A lot, okay? So let's learn
how to have a healthy marriage by first having a healthy heart ourselves so that you all
can actually have healthy marriages that you can post about one day and be excited to share
with the world. Not everybody's posting that's not really having that experience, but I just
want you guys to kind of remember, you know, people, a lot of people in our world post
highlight reels. You see their house clean, you see their kids all smiling and happy.
Everybody's happy most of the time, okay? So let's not compare our lives to someone's
highlight reel. Let's just kind of hone in and say, okay, Lord, what do you have for
me right now? And know that he has a good plan that he wants to lead you into, but he
wants to help you heal so that when you get to the good plan, you actually have the capacity
to receive it. Do y'all know that some of you, if you got your husband right now, you
would not be ready for him. That's truth. And we love you enough to tell you that. So
let's get in, do the hard work, let God do what he needs to do, and it's going to be
really awesome. Last thing I want to give you on this note, I love this quote. I cannot
remember where I heard it. I wish I would have written down exactly what book I read
it in. I apologize that I don't know it, but this is what it said. It impacted me so much
that I wrote it on a post-it note and I stuck it on my ring light for like a whole year.
And so every time I would coach for a while, this quote would be looking me in the face,
and this is what it is. I'm the perfect age for everything that God has for me right now.
I'm the perfect age for everything that God has for me right now. The reason this impacted
me, I was already married at this time, but we've been trying to get pregnant since we've
gotten, got married. We've been married almost four years. Some things haven't gone as planned.
And even in the process of moving towards that,
I would hear the enemy kind of saying things to me like you know all your
friends kids are going to college and you're you're just gonna start having a
kid you know all these things that would start coming up and so when I saw that
quote I was just like yes yes this is truth I don't need to worry about what
everybody else has going on I just need to know that I am the perfect age for
everything that God has for me right now so for those of you that are struggling
because you feel like you missed out on something and you're you know you wanted
to be married before now I get it I really do some of you you know want the
kids and all the things too and I believe those things will happen for you
we have faith for you for that but here's the reality we have to stop you
know again looking back regretting getting stuck in all of that because if
we're stuck back there if we're stuck in those thoughts we cannot move forward
successfully we can't because we're tied back there so will you receive the
truth tonight that you are the perfect age right now for everything that God
has for you right now so that you can learn how to be content in today we have
Supernatural Saturday replay you want to check that out as well Jackie took
last week's message further into Jesus cares for you and what all does that
mean and really encouraged our community as a whole to for those that have
already done their Jesus cares board some of them four years ago myself I did
mine back in 2021 so mine was five years ago I've revamped mine over the years
several times but it was a good reminder for me again as you guys know a couple
weeks ago live I was like oh I gotta put that on my board as I was coaching you
all so it's happy it happens all the time this is a this is a tool that we
can use the rest of our lives so that we can practice supernatural surrender on a
regular basis it's such a good replay and again if that prophetic ministry
night replay is not up yet it will be up in the next day all right let me pray
for us father thank you so much God thank you for the things that have
already been said I pray that you would help it to land in hearts that can
receive it God I thank you that you are not a man that you should lie God that
you're doing a work and our hearts our minds our bodies our spirits our souls
greater than anything we could ever imagine or ask for think of God you have
plans and promises for us God that even even as I had a dream last night and I
was seeking you father about this God you just started reminding me that there
are things that I dreamed of when I was a kid God that things that you want to
bring back to life and so I just declare that over these ladies tonight that you
would give them new dreams that you would awaken old dreams God that you
would just give them a glimpse God through your eyes how you see them Lord
that you would remove every lie of the enemy every hindrance everything that
causes them to feel regret God give them peace give them grace we thank you for
your healing balm of Gilead being placed upon every wound God that you
would just bring everything out of darkness into the light so there can be
revealing for healing open their eyes to see the world more clearly give them a
fresh sense of awe and wonder of who you are God and your creation and all that
you have for them and surrounding around them God yes Lord I thank you that you
would help them to not look down but to look up to look up for where their help
does come from it is from the maker of heaven and earth God that you are Jehovah
Jireh who provides for us thank you Lord that what we have need of that we can
ask you God and that you do hear us Lord in the moments when we feel
frustrated because we feel like you're not answering God help us to remember
that the answer if you gave it to us right then it might harm us or there
might be a reason that you're not saying yes for our good I thank you God
that you protect us that you lead us into wide open spaces that you even in
Isaiah 43 19 you declare that you're gonna do a new thing can we not perceive
it God help us to perceive it tonight in a fresh way we just thank you for all
these things in Jesus name amen tonight we're talking about the real you what
does that mean and a lot more depth if you're brand new in this heart work
course welcome again I want you to know that you're at the right time at the
right place we kind of bring content from all different weeks of the course
so this is content that's from officially week five that I'm going to
talk about tonight but that's totally great that you're here even if you're in
week one because God knew you were gonna join when you joined so receive out all
the things that are going to come out let him
come in and germinate and you know kind of plant seeds in your heart and even as you're working
through weeks one through four, it's going to prepare you to receive week five in a fresh way
all over again. So God has good things in store for everybody tonight. I want you to understand
that your true identity is who God told you you were going to be long before wounds or trauma
ever entered your life. It's who he originally created us to be. We were born into flesh so yes
we were born you know just being sinful in nature but that does not hinder God's plan for us even
from the beginning of time. And so I want you just to ask yourself this question. We hear this in
scripture and well I've I've focused on it a lot because it really stood out to me and God used it
massively in my heart in life and so maybe you haven't heard it or had anybody preach about it
but I love to pull out the scripture who told you that you were naked from Genesis from the story
of Adam and Eve after they have eaten of the fruit and God is looking for them in the garden
he was seeking them out you all. Here's the really amazing thing. Do you think that God didn't know
where they were? Just think about that. God knows all things. He's omnipresent but he was still
seeking them out. I believe it was a display of God's affection for them his intimacy his
relationship language he was seeking them out and when when he came close to them he said where are
you again he could have just been like hey I see you but he didn't he asked them where are you
and if you guys check out the story I'm going to read it here to you in a minute we're going to
learn what it says but I want you to think about something as I'm reading this to you
you are no longer under the rubble you're no longer under the mess of the past
the enemy always wants to cause us to believe that we're still
under the rubble that we have no way out that there's no hope I feel the holy spirit on this
that there's no hope for us
God blesses everybody else but us he just he just does mean bad things to us and he doesn't love us
to us and he doesn't love us really this is stuff the enemy says to us he tries to convince us
over and over again that we are just left alone in the garden so to speak
you've made a bad mistake and there's no way out and none of that is true here's what Genesis
chapter 3 verses 8 through 11 says then the man and his wife heard the sound of the lord so they
heard God coming
they heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day
and they hid from the Lord among the trees of the garden but the Lord God called to man where
are you he being Adam answered I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked so I
hid verse 11 and he said God saying to Adam who told you that you were naked have you eaten from
the tree that I commanded you not to eat from so here we have this interaction happening between
God and Adam Eve isn't even in on the mix yet she's standing there but God is speaking directly
to Adam and he's saying okay here's the thing I like imagine imagine this truth Adam walked with
God before Eve was ever created in the garden on a regular basis I mean can you just imagine the
closeness there there had to be some level of understanding of the connection he and God have
and so then when God told them not to eat of the fruit
this is how the serpent sneaks in he said something that was partial truth and then he
twisted it and because of that they believed the lie and because they believed the lie they ate of
the fruit Eve first and then she offered to her husband but here's the reality Adam was standing
there too Adam could have said Eve don't don't eat that fruit now Eve could have still you know
made a decision whether to listen to Adam or not but you know there's just a lot of things
that we don't think about all this stuff sometimes but this is the reality
they both were there. You know there's a lot of people that blame Adam and
there's a lot of people that blame Eve but the reality is is they were both
there in the garden when they ate the fruit. Okay? But God came looking for them.
He already knew they ate the fruit and he came looking for them anyways. He's
always seeking closeness in relationship and here's the thing God is asking them
he's calling them out. Where are you? And he's saying come out of hiding. That's
what he was saying to Adam and Eve essentially. Come out of hiding. Come out
of that place. Why are you? Why? Where are you? And God is saying the same to you
tonight. He's saying come out of hiding. It's time to show up more fully in the
world. I never intended for you to be isolated and alone. I never intended for
you to believe the lie that you don't have a plan or a purpose or that I don't
have good things for you. I never intended for those harmful things to
happen to you. Here's the definition of what it actually means to come out of
hiding. I want you all to hear this. Being authentic. Being present. Being engaged in
life. Intentionally choosing to be present in the moment. Hence what I
started with tonight. I did that intentionally. Recognizing your true self.
So when the enemy is telling us other things that we partner with the truth we
recognize. We continue to pray and ask God to help us see ourselves the way he
sees us. Actively. Okay, keyword. Actively participating in life with purpose and
intention. Not holding anything back. That's the tricky part sometimes isn't
it? Not holding anything back. We say we want love but then love is a risk.
Sometimes if you're like me we're pursuing potentially fostering kids and
then all of a sudden I'm thinking about all the things we're gonna have to give
up. Selfishness enters. Flesh enters. All these thoughts from the enemy enter and
we have a choice to make. Are we gonna live fully? Are we gonna hold back? It's
always up to us. God's gonna love us no matter what because he is love. He's not
he doesn't deny himself. He is love. He loves everything about us. Now the
choices we make can create distance though. That's the reality. So are you
being fully intentional even with the Lord? When we show up as our authentic
selves we often give other people permission to do the same thing. Even our
kids, our parents, friends. Sometimes people don't like when we change. That's
the other flip side. We start getting healthy and then guess what? It disrupts
other people doesn't it? And then all of a sudden it's like wait a minute why why
are you acting like that? But then we have other people that are celebrating
the change in us and they're like what's going on with you? I noticed something
different. You seem more peaceful. You seem more happy. You seem lighter. If
you're not there yet you'll get there. You will get there and people will say
that kind of stuff to you. We're all on a journey every single day to grow into
the understanding of who we are in Christ as well as who he originally
created us to be before the trauma or wounds ever entered. That's the journey
we're on ladies. Every day that God help me to understand more who I am in you.
Who did you create me to be before this happened? Is there any part of yourself
this is something else I want you to think about and if you have thoughts
that come to you tonight as I'm talking about any of this stuff try to jot those
down or you can go back and listen to the replay and jot them down at that
time if you just want to kind of take it in tonight's totally fine. Here's the
question is there any part of yourself where you tend to hold back with people
even when they are safe people? So what I'm saying is when you get around safe
people is there ever a part of yourself that you still hold back? You don't let
people see that part of you. Y'all there's definitely things I let my
husband see and know about me that I don't let other people know and I'm not
just talking about intimate things right now. I'm talking about the Bethany that
crawls on the ground trying to scare her husband army style. Yes I do that kind of
stuff you all. I love it. I love to scare him.
I love to hide behind doors.
Now, I do that with my best friend.
I've known her my whole life, since preschool, literally.
And I'm like that with my husband.
Those are two people that have known me a long time.
You know, I'm telling you guys these things,
so I'm giving you a glimpse behind the curtain.
But the reality is I don't let everybody see that.
And that's not a bad thing.
But the reality is that there are more people sometimes
that I would love to invite into that world.
But I hold back.
Because I don't know that...
Even some of my humor or things that I think are funny
might not be what other people think are funny.
Or I'm a very deep, caring person,
so people tend to think I'm serious.
I am. I tend to be serious.
But I'm very...
Like, I love to be lighthearted and fun, too.
I love adventure.
I mean, ziplining, horseback riding,
you know, parasailing, all that kind of stuff.
I love it. I love to do it.
I love to experience the world.
And so there's these aspects of myself
that not everybody sees, right?
Because they're not up close and personal in my life.
But there's even more than that, isn't there?
What about the deepest places of our heart,
how we really feel about some things?
Some of you are like,
OK, I want to be with someone,
but I'm not going to tell them about that.
Now, keep in mind,
I'm not telling you to tell every single person in your life
every detail of your life.
I don't even know that you need to do that
with your future spirit mate.
I don't think it's healthy to unearth all of the past
just because you're with someone new.
I don't think they have to know everything to be with you.
No.
You need to pray and ask the Lord
what you're supposed to share with them.
OK?
I'm not saying lie to them.
I'm saying that there's not a need for everything
to be talked about that you've gone through in your life.
One of the best things Brian ever said to me,
we were chatting when we were still dating,
and I was talking to him about the past,
and he grew up in a very different life than I did.
He gave his life to the Lord at like 16.
He was pastoring and preaching at 19.
Yeah, that was not my story.
So you all, I lived a little differently,
and I had a lot of different experiences than he had,
and so that was a little kind of like,
what's he going to think about this,
and should I tell him this, and should I tell him this?
And I remember just kind of lightly talking to him about it,
and he said, all I need to know is who you are now.
That's what I need to know.
Who are you now?
I don't need to know all that history.
Obviously, we talked about the most important things.
He knew about my brothers.
He knew about some other big T traumas
that I felt were important for him to know about,
but I thought that that was so revealing and good,
and so I just want to kind of deposit that
into you guys tonight.
Some of you have deep fear
that you're going to have to tell these people
every single thing about your life,
and healthy people don't need all of that.
I did not need all of that from Brian either, okay?
So I just want to ease your mind,
but are there things like little quirky aspects of yourself,
kind of like I was saying, you know,
that I love to scare people
or other little fun things I like to do
that maybe you don't let certain people see
that you hold back from the world?
I'm going to read a couple song lyrics to you.
I love music, you all.
That's why I talk to you guys about songs and movies.
I'm going to talk about a movie tonight.
God speaks to me through media a lot,
so that's why I tend to use it during sessions,
but here is the song.
If you've not heard it before,
it's called Out of Hiding by Stephanie Gretzinger.
Highly recommend listening to the song this week
to let this kind of go in a little deeper.
This is what it says.
Come out of hiding.
You're safe here with me.
There's no need to cover what I already see.
You've got your reasons, but I hold your peace.
You've been on lockdown, and I hold the key.
Because I've loved you before, you knew it was love,
and I saw it all, still I chose the cross.
And you were the one that I was thinking of
when I rose from the grave.
Now rid of the shackles, my victory is yours.
I tore the veil for you to come close.
There's no reason to stand at a distance anymore.
You're not far from home.
Ladies, what we align with matters.
What thoughts are you currently aligning with
in your heart, in your life right now
that you can share with me?
do not sound like heaven.
And when I say this, you know, this phrase a lot,
people are like, well, what does heaven sound like?
If you're not sure, ask the Father, ask Jesus,
ask the Holy Spirit to show you what heaven sounds like.
One thing I know for sure, heaven is a positive place.
The Bible says we're gonna sing holy, holy, holy,
is the Lord God Almighty, holy, holy all the time.
It's gonna be holy, holy.
There's gonna be probably beautiful things I imagine.
I mean, look around in our broken world
and look at the beauty.
Can you imagine how much more expansive and beautiful
it's gonna be when we get to heaven?
At least that's the way I think of it.
I just can't imagine it's not gonna be
even more wonderful than this.
Did you know that you are a supernova?
You are, Amy, you are a supernova.
Hannah, you are a supernova.
Sarah, Marks, you're a supernova.
What do I mean by that?
I mean that you're carrying something on the inside of you
that can change the world.
I believe that for every single one of you.
If you guys haven't been on a session with me before
and I say people's names,
I just do what I feel led by the Holy Spirit to say or do.
And so it doesn't mean that all of y'all
don't have supernova capability in you.
That's just the three people God was highlighting to me
on this screen in that moment.
But each one of you are carrying something
on the inside of you to change the world.
Matthew 5, 14 through 16 in the message translation
says this, here's another way to put it.
You're here to be light,
bringing out the God colors in the world.
God is not a secret to be kept.
We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill.
If I make you lightbearers,
you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket,
do you?
I'm putting you on a light stand.
Now that I've put you there on a hilltop,
on a light stand, shine.
Keep open house.
Think about that ladies.
He's saying, keep your hearts and your spirits open.
Keep open house, be generous with your lives.
By opening up to others,
you'll prompt people to open up to God,
this generous father in heaven.
Are you keeping open house?
Or are you on lockdown like that song?
But remember, he said, you've been on lockdown,
but I hold the key.
But remember, he's a gentleman.
He's not going to force his way in.
He's standing at the door and he's knocking.
Romans 8, 37 through 39 says this,
knowing all these things,
we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future,
nor any powers, neither height nor depth,
nor anything else in all of creation
will be able to separate us from the love of God
that is in Christ Jesus, our Lord.
So if God is for you, who can be against you?
If God is for you, what can be against you?
Yes, we all face trials and tribulation, ladies.
But remember, like Jackie talks about this all the time.
I'm so thankful that I've heard her say this
because now I tell other people what she said.
God doesn't have any problems.
And lately, I just find myself,
when I feel a problem we had,
I think I told you guys a couple of weeks ago,
we had a problem rise up with this lady in our church again.
And I just kept saying, Lord, just help us with this
because you don't have any problems.
You already have the solution, so just help us walk it out.
Literally, it just kept taking the weight of it
off of myself, and it kept reminding me.
Every time I would feel that weight try to come back on me,
I would just pray that again to remind myself,
this isn't my weight to carry.
This is an attack of the enemy through this woman, God,
and you're gonna take care of it.
I thank you for it.
Because I'm your daughter, I'm protected by you.
I walk with the full armor of God.
It's so often we don't believe that God is actually for us.
I want you to understand that it is your time.
And I want you to start personalizing.
So it's your time, Fran.
It is your time, Megan.
It is your time, Joey and Cherish.
I want you to think to yourself, your time for what?
Start asking God, what is it my time for?
And I trust that he's gonna show you things,
greater things than you can ever ask, think, or imagine,
that it is your time for those things.
All of the ways the enemy has kept you stuck and bound up and all the things in the past like those shackles can break off that God has called us to be kinsmen, redeemers in our family line in this day and age, we are not here by accident.
It is time for the princesses of God to awaken.
Ephesians 5.14 says,
And so I always love to kind of hone in on this awakened by what?
Well, true loves kiss.
I know we all well, I don't know if you all love romantic stories, but you all it is my favorite part.
I always want everybody to end happy.
I'm not happy if they're not happy.
Literally, you can ask my husband.
I don't like angst.
If a movie ends and people aren't in love and feeling good.
No, I don't like it.
I deal with it, but I don't like it.
But I joke around about that because the reality is, is, and when I say this, this isn't some twisted kind of like God's going to kiss you.
It's not that, but there's this true love of heaven.
This experience that God wants us to have and understand what the true love being kissed by the father, our lives being impacted and transformed by him in such a way that it will fully awaken us.
I remember years ago when I was in this course and Jackie and David did this ministry night where they stood in on behalf of fathers and mothers and, and you guys may, some of y'all had may, may have seen them do this before, you know, even in the last few months, but I'll tell you what that night changed my life.
As David was talking and asking for forgiveness on behalf of the fathers, I can't remember it word for word, but he started asking for forgiveness for being in prison and not being there for, for us.
And my dad went to prison.
He was an alcoholic.
He was a drug addict.
He went to prison.
He was not there for me.
And because of that, a lot of bad things happened in our home.
You know, there was just a lot of stuff.
And so when David was praying and saying that, man, I just started weeping.
I just started weeping.
And as I was praying into some of the things that they led us to pray for, after all that happened, I saw this vision of myself.
Do you guys remember the old style?
Um, and I don't know if they still do this today, but the old style coffins that were stone, you know, like stone, and then there was stone on top.
I saw myself prophetically inside of this stone coffin and it opened up.
It moved to the side.
As I was like, as we were praying and I'm seeing this vision, I saw it open up.
I saw myself laying in it.
And then I sat right up like straight up.
I sat straight up and I heard the say, the Lord say, come alive.
And so when I teach the session, sometimes I talk about that because you all, the reality is, is that there were things that God was doing in my spirit that night that only he could do.
I don't know if there were other people on there that had dads in prison.
All I know is God was doing something supernatural in me.
I had never, my dad had never apologized for that stuff ever.
He never apologized for cheating on my mom.
My dad and I fought almost every time we were together.
But God, God knew I needed that healing.
But then God had to, he wanted to speak a word to me.
He showed it to me in the vision, but I heard him say, come alive.
And it was just this thing and it solidified something in me.
And so I just want to encourage you all be praying, ask the Lord to show you things.
Maybe it won't come to you the same way it came to me.
And that's okay.
Maybe it'll come through a song or a friend that encourages you, or when you're reading scripture, or maybe God will give you a dream.
I don't know how, but God wants to speak to us.
He wants to show us things because it will awaken you.
You know, when I read scripture and I feel like God's speaking to me through scripture, I feel that a similar way, like, God, you're talking to me right now.
Sometimes, you know, you pray for something.
And then God, you start reading the scripture and God answers what you've been asking him about.
He shows you something and you're just like, God, you have been hearing me.
It's not like I forget, but there's this moment where you realize like, oh my gosh, he does hear me.
And he's responding.
He's always responding.
We just don't always recognize it.
So God wants to awaken you to your true identity, your true God-given identity,
not just what the world has told you, not just what you think, but your true God-given identity.
So my my little movie thing that I want to talk to you guys about really quickly,
I won't take a lot of time on it because of what time it is already, but if you have never seen Wreck-It Ralph,
it's a kids movie, but I love it. It was really good. I saw it years and years ago, but in this movie,
without giving away the whole storyline, there is this young girl named Vanellope.
How many people have seen this movie? Anyone else ever seen it? A couple of y'all?
Oh, got a lot of no's, so you might want to check it out because it's really cute, but um,
Vanellope, and
in this story, she is a glitch because the whole movie is built around like these video game, you know,
in Wreck-It Ralph. Ralph is from another video game, essentially.
Anyways, they go into this alternate game space,
and that's where Vanellope's at, and she's this glitch,
and there's this race, and she's got this race car. The short version of all of this is that
she was never a glitch, but there was a bad guy,
and the way I like to look at it, he was like Satan,
and what he did is he took a part of her out of her,
and that's what made her the glitch.
But here at the end of this of this movie, I literally, I was kind of like, didn't really see it coming,
but then as it started unfolding, I was like,
oh my gosh, now I get it.
She was never a glitch, you all.
She was actually a princess,
but because some of, so many of you have not seen the movie, I don't want to tell you too much more.
I already told you too much, but I didn't want to not say it because it's kind of the key
to what I'm saying tonight.
She lived in this world as a glitch. She believed she was a glitch.
She lived as a glitch. She talked, like, thought down about herself.
Other people in the movie talked down to her because she was a glitch.
People were calling her all different kinds of things,
but y'all, she was never a glitch.
So once the piece that she lost, that was taken from her by the enemy,
once that piece got put back in her, do you know what happened?
She turned back into who she always was.
And then here's the kicker.
The other people remembered who she was, too.
So I just want you to be thinking about that.
Who were you originally created to be
that the enemy entered and he tried to take something out of you,
or he did take something out of you,
and that caused you to live in your life in such a way
that you were kind of glitching.
Like, you know, you're just not your full self.
You got all this stuff going on that's causing you
to be triggered all the time,
to be angry all the time,
to be fearful, whatever it is.
And God is like, I want to put those pieces back in.
I want you to be able to be full throttle,
ahead, fully alive, fully awake,
fully engaged in life,
and able to receive the promises.
So go ahead.
fully awake, fully engaged in life,
and able to receive the promises.
So God wants us to awaken
to our true God-given identity.
He wants us to awaken to restoration.
Okay?
Restoration of all things,
everything that was broken and fallen.
He wants to lift up all those broken and fallen places
and heal them.
And then He wants us to awaken to our big, bold future.
He wants dreams to awaken in us.
As I was saying earlier,
He wants to give us childhood dreams
that would come back to life.
He wants to give us new, fresh dreams.
He wants to give us dreams in the daytime
and the nighttime
that we would start to hear from Him more.
Some of you, I want you to be thinking about.
Now, some of our childhood dreams,
we may not be able to live those out.
So, for example,
I wanted to be a gymnast,
and go and tumble all around.
Y'all, I'm too old for that now.
My body is like, no.
I might be able to do cartwheel still.
But, you know, I'm just trying to,
like, I'm being a little silly right now.
But the reality is that some of us
still want to do some things
that we might not physically be able to do.
But there are a lot of things
that we had dreams about
that we might be able to do some idea of that.
You know, maybe it is like
taking a class and exploring something.
I've been really thinking about
lately a lot.
Getting a camera
and starting to take some photography classes.
I love,
I love taking photos.
I enjoy like even flowers, just trying to get different angles or when we're at places.
And so it's just something I'm kind of praying about nothing pressed on on it right now.
But I just kind of want to share that because I want you to all be thinking about maybe
you love to dance.
And maybe it would be really awesome for you to take some dance classes, y'all don't need
to wait for a spirit mate to do these things, I would encourage you to start doing some
of them now because the more that you live as an individual and awaken to your true identity,
the more you're going to know who you are.
When you meet someone, there's so many people that shut down who they actually are.
To be someone they think the person that they're dating wants them to be no, y'all, that's
not the way to do it.
Yeah, traveling.
If you want to go someplace, you guys, let's do it.
Let's save don't just come up with every excuse why you can't do it.
Anything that we set our minds to do, I truly believe that we can accomplish it.
We can cut back on how many Starbucks we have or whatever, if we need to save money, you
guys, it can happen.
All right.
So start allowing yourself to dream again.
I want to encourage you all and this is going to be a push for some of you, but I'm going
to encourage you and those that want to do it, we'll do it.
Before I even met Brian, y'all are good.
It's going to blow your mind.
I haven't shared this picture in a long time.
So two things came to mind as I went to share something totally different, but I went with
Jackie and a group of people when we were at the Austin retreat years ago, back in 2021,
we went to a bridal store and tried on wedding dresses.
Now I have been married before and so I actually went through a lot of like, oh, like seeing
myself in a white dress again, I kind of had a breakdown in the dressing room and all kinds
of things.
So I had to say, um, I came out, I had tried on two dresses in front of everybody else
and y'all, I left that day and I, I bought a dress.
I felt like God told me to buy it out of faith, believing that I was going to meet my spear
mate.
Y'all, I wasn't even dating anyone.
Thank God was telling me, buy this dress.
Well, lo and behold, I bought the dress, got it home.
It's beautiful.
It is a beautiful dress, but every time I looked back at the photos, I really wanted
the white dress, but I didn't buy the white dress because I didn't think I was worthy
to wear a white dress again.
Isn't it funny how the enemy tries to sneak in?
So before I got married, I went dress shopping again and I bought me a white dress and I
wore that thing proudly and I love it.
And I'm saying all that to say this, I, before I even went dress shopping, before any of
that happened, I started dreaming again and I created a photo album on my phone and I,
I looked at wedding venues, I looked at wedding dresses, I looked at stuff that I would want
at my wedding and I just saved pictures of things that I was like, man, I would really
love this, man.
I think this is beautiful.
And I just made a little like, kind of like dream album.
And sometimes that was hard to do.
It was, but you know, what's really interesting is my wedding dress that I chose actually
looks like several of the dresses that I had saved in that album.
I had a lot of pictures of getting married in a garden.
That's something I've always wanted to do.
Even in my first wedding, I really wanted to get married in a garden and that wasn't
something that my ex wanted to do.
Well, this time around y'all, we got married in a garden and there were butterflies there.
It was awesome.
It was awesome, awesome day.
So anyways, I'm just trying to stoke your dreaming ability a little bit, kind of stoke
that fire in you a little bit.
And if you're not quite ready to go that far, dreaming of a wedding, maybe it's like getting
yourself a, I am a bride cup and drinking out of it on occasion and really partnering
with I am a bride.
We have to believe we're a bride before we can become a bride, ladies.
I'm not saying date.
I'm saying start allowing God to shift your heart, to believe that he has good things
for you.
And even some of you even thinking about doing that, you're like, you feel the panic already
starting to rise.
Like I can't, I can't.
Maybe, you know, again, even doing that will take you to another step of healing.
Maybe it's getting a bride journal to do your heartwork notes in.
I don't know.
So pray and ask the Lord what it is for you and trust that he's going to awaken things
in you that need awakened.
All right.
So here's the breakout question for tonight.
In what ways does the enemy challenge the real you?
Does he often use comparison?
So try to get you to compare yourself to everybody else, competition, competing against other
women.
or imitation, or it can be all of them. So in what ways does the enemy challenge the real you?
Does he tend to use comparison, competition, or imitation? And then how do those show up in your
life? So if comparison is one of the things the enemy uses a lot, how does comparison show up in
your life today? Does everyone understand the question? All right, cool. Let me get these
breakout rooms ready. We'll probably do a shorter session tonight because we're already at 8 50,
but I really felt like it was important to talk to you guys about those dreaming
things a little bit. So I did take, oh, I did take a little more time with that. Give me a second.
Okay, perfect.
All right, we're going to do six minutes, so that should give everybody, if you have three people,
about two minutes. So short, brief, and powerful tonight, ladies, okay? And so go ahead and click
to join those rooms. I'm going to be praying for you all. Go ahead and click and join those as
quick as you can. All right, I'll start praying here in just a moment. As soon as I kind of get
everybody situated, make sure we have at least two ladies in every room. Okay, almost there, ladies.
Oh, Anna. Okay, Father, thank you so much. Rosanne, are you stuck? Can you, are you not able to get in?
Are you just going to hang here tonight? It's okay, so just want to make sure you're good to go.
Oh, you hit leave a room. Okay, let me just move you around.
Okay, there you go. Megan, hi. Do you want to join a breakout room right now,
or do you want to stay here? I do. I think my headphones kept kicking me out by accident.
That's totally fine. Let me put you in. There's another one for you. Thank you. You're welcome.
Father, thank you so much for everything you're doing tonight already. God, we thank you for
revealings, for healing that are happening. God, I ask you to help us all tonight.
Thank you for revealings, for healing that are happening. God, I ask you to help the ladies
shift more and more and more tonight and in the days to come. We thank you, God, for transforming
us by the renewing of our minds that all old things have passed away and behold, everything
is becoming new. Yes, Lord, grace upon grace upon grace. Lord, we ask for fresh grace to just
to sweep over the room. I kind of felt the Lord just kind of lovingly kind of sweep over,
so I just wanted to kind of lean into that for a moment. So, Lord, we just thank you right now
for your fresh grace. Lord, I thank you that you would just come and wash over these ladies.
We thank you for cleansing. We thank you for renewal. We thank you for restoration.
God, we thank you that you are removing every fear of the enemy,
that you're quieting those fears with your love right now.
God, we thank you for awakening dreams in every one of these ladies,
that you would help them to see themselves the way that you see them. God, that you would give
them fresh eyes to see, fresh ears to hear what your spirit is saying. God, we thank you that we
can partner with you in this amazing journey. God, that we can believe for better than we've
ever experienced before. Yes, Lord, that our latter lives can be greater than their former
lives. I remember praying that, ladies. I keep having this little itch tonight, ladies. Sorry.
But I remember praying that over myself over and over and over over the years, and it really has
paid off. And so I want to encourage you to pray that scripture. You can look it up. I can't
remember where it's at right now in the Bible, but where our latter years are going to be greater
than our former years and that we would partner with that. And we just thank you, God, that you're
always working, that you're renewing, and you're helping us to be reconciled to yourself. We thank
you that you would help us, Lord. Even in Psalm 147, verses 3 and 4 in the Passion Translation,
it says this, he heals the wounds of every shattered heart. He sets his stars in place,
calling them all by their names. Lord, I thank you that even in the scripture, it's just a reminder
of how intentional you are, that every star is named. You see every hair on our head.
God, I thank you that we are the apple of your eye. That means, God, that we are close enough
to you. That's the desire that we can see ourselves in your pupil, in the center of your
eyes. So Lord, I thank you that you would help us to not be afraid to come close to you.
God, that we would allow you to, yes, Lord, to unlock that part of our heart, Lord, that
we keep hidden and away from other people.
We thank you, God, for, I just heard the Lord saying not exposing us.
Some people will use, you know, that verbiage, and I'm not saying it's always wrong.
He exposes the plans of the enemy, but I believe that he reveals things to us.
A lot of people think of exposing as very like, you know, when somebody exposes us and
it feels vulnerable and scary, and so that's why I tend to not love to use that word when
it comes to the Lord because I, from my experience, he has never exposed me.
He's lovingly pursued me.
He's covered me.
He's protected me.
He's guided me as a friend, as a father, and so from my experience, he has revealed areas
for healing.
He's brought conviction that leads me to correction and healthier places.
He's taught me how to set boundaries, and so, ladies, I'm just speaking this truth because
so many of us think God's going to expose us, and we feel fear of that in this world
today, and so I just want to encourage you to resist those lies, to turn away from those
things and to turn towards the truth of who God has called you to be and all that he's
called you to receive, and part of that is his protection and his covering as well.
Isaiah 53, verses 4 through 6, in the NLT version says this,
Yet it was our weaknesses he carried, it was our sorrows that weighed him down, and we
thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins, but he
was pierced, pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins, he was beaten so that we could
be whole.
He was whipped so that we could be healed.
Father, I thank you tonight that you would help us to receive that truth, that Jesus
came to receive the punishment upon himself so that we would not have to.
Jesus, thank you for taking all the punishment upon yourself.
Thank you for making a way for us to be healed, to be made whole, completely whole, lacking
no good thing.
I thank you that you made a way for us to be one with you as you are one with the Father,
to experience the power and the presence of the Holy Spirit.
We thank you that the same power that rose the Spirit, or excuse me, rose Jesus Christ
from the dead is living in us, it's operating through us, and it's working in our love story
right now.
God, I thank you that you're healing the foundations of our lives and our hearts and our minds,
and you're leading us into those wide open spaces that we read about in Scripture more
each day.
In Jesus' name.
Welcome back, ladies.
That was a quick one tonight.
So glad you guys were in the room.
So many of you are staying and going into the breakout rooms, which I'm so excited about,
and I hope it's been a blessing to you.
Sorry, I gotta just check and find out who...
I gotta mute somebody real quick.
All right.
Okay, really quickly, your activation for this week is silhouette.
For some of you, you've already done a silhouette.
You don't have to do it again if that's the case, but if you have not done this activation
yet, I highly, highly recommend this, okay?
Disclaimer, everybody listening, you do not have to be an artist, okay?
Can you say that out loud?
You don't have to unmute.
Just say it out loud with me.
I don't have to be an artist, okay?
All right, I'm gonna show you what I'm talking about now, but I wanted you all to partner
with that first, because some of these are gonna be...
Like some of the ladies have been very artistic, and that's okay too.
So if you are an artist, more power to you.
I'm probably an in-between, and so I'm kind of with the stick figures sometimes, but I'm
gonna show some of these different things to you.
This is...
And I'm gonna explain to you the process, but I just wanna show you the pictures first.
Again, these are just to plant seeds.
Yours do not have to look like these.
This is about you praying and putting something on paper that is you, it is what you experience
with the Lord.
This first one though, I love to show this because this young lady did not like to see
pictures of herself, ever.
One of the first times she ever came on video was in our group, and it was pretty awesome
to see her transformation.
By the time she left heart work on a regular basis, she was sharing pictures of things
God was doing in her life, and then as you can see, she shared this silhouette.
She put flowers over her eyes as a symbol of God enabling her to flourish in the way
that she saw herself, and then you see a lot of the words, and I'll explain these here
in a minute as well.
Here's another one.
I love this.
I love that it shows her ethnicity.
I love that it shows the flourishing and the growth out of her mind.
As you see on there, it says, who am I?
Who does God say I am?
Again, I'm gonna...
explain this more to you, but she has words of truth written all over her as well.
Here's another one as a reminder.
She reminded herself that she is a princess and that she is her husband's crown.
The Bible says that, you know, when a man finds a wife, he has found a good thing.
And a good thing is that princess, that crown, if you will.
There's another scripture that kind of talks about the crown.
Um, but she, I love that she put the red lips and again, this is where
people's personality comes out.
It's so fun to see these.
Um, but again, she's a queen, she's a king or excuse me, a queen.
And the reminder that I love to tell people is we can't be a queen
until we learn how to be a princess.
So let's learn how to be princesses this week.
All right.
The real me, this one, you can kind of see the silhouette is in the back.
And then she wrote, uh, the words that God was saying to her on here.
Here's another one.
Again, these are all amazing.
You all, this is what she felt led to draw.
And then as you can see, some of her words are in different colors.
Some of them are highlighted with yellow.
Those all meant different things to her.
This is again, following the Holy spirit with you and what he's saying to you.
This one, as you can see, she must have freckles cause she's got freckles
on her face and all the things.
Love it.
So awesome.
Faith filled at the bottom rooted in that is kind of what this displays here.
Um, here's another one with some, the crown.
She wrote really big in their daughter of the king.
And as you can see, some are written in different colors, some are pen.
So they're a little lighter.
Some are more bold.
Um, and right over her eyes, it says imaginative.
And I just love that.
I love that.
She's kind of partnering with that.
God's going to enable her to imagine, to dream again.
Really, really awesome.
Here's another one.
Um, this one was by Nadine Benjamin.
If any of y'all know her, um, she's actually an artist and she just
went with what God was showing her.
This also shows a lot of her ethnicity, as well as some amazing words that
God was speaking to her in the crown.
And then here's another one as well.
She drew a picture and then she kind of made the words in the
background more than all over her.
And again, that's what she felt led to do.
And this is something that she hung up in her house.
Highly recommend y'all hanging these up after you do them.
No matter, you know, even some of you, I know even looking at this as an
activation, you're just like, Oh my gosh, I cannot do that.
Please don't partner with that.
Okay.
If you need to print out a picture of yourself and put that on there and
write the words over it, that is totally fine.
The point is this, here's the steps you're going to do.
You're going to pray and you're going to ask the Lord to show you.
Who am I?
And you're going to write down on a piece of paper first, before you draw the
silhouette on a piece of paper, you're going to write down what you hear God
say about you, who are you now?
Here's the key.
If you hear anything negative, it goes on a separate piece of paper.
I don't know if you guys know this or not, but God doesn't
say negative things about you.
So if you hear something negative that is from the enemy, it goes
on a separate piece of paper.
You cross it out because it is not true.
And then you ask the Lord to tell you what the truth is.
And for some of you, you might not know right away.
You might have to, you might hear something else, negative,
write it down, cross it out.
The reason I'm having you even write the negative things down is because you, this
is this process of the silhouette is going to help you recognize how many negative
things you hear about yourself.
But you're going to also learn how to come out of agreement with them.
When you cross them out and ask God for the truth to replace the lie, when he
gives you the truth, then you write the truth on the other paper, some of you
are going to hear a lot of good stuff.
And that's really awesome too, but write those things down.
I would encourage you to pray for maybe a scripture or two that goes with your
silhouette, something that really speaks to you, but really take time with those
negative ones as well and process that stuff out of your spirit.
It's going to help you hear what God has to say about you more and more and more.
Now I'm going to put all of this, these instructions up in the group.
So you guys will be able to read them.
It'll be even more clear step-by-step.
Um, but if you have any questions, just ask us, okay.
Ask us in the activation post and we'll respond, or you can create a post in and
of itself and ask us that way.
We're here to help you.
The goal is to do something.
I've had people, and again, this is where you pray and ask God what you should do.
I've had people pray that are, excuse me, draw themselves as like a ballerina image.
You know, it's just, it's what, what is God saying to you?
And what does he want you to get on the paper?
Because there's meaning for you.
Okay, cool.
And then when you do them, post them in the group.
Post them in the group so we can see them, so we can cheer you on.
You know, a lot of times I try, my team and I, we try to pray into those.
Sometimes we hear things, you know, from God for you guys.
Sometimes it's just maybe we're not hearing anything in that moment,
but that doesn't mean that we won't at some point in the future.
But sometimes we will speak into people.
So if you see that and we don't do that in yours, don't take offense to that, okay?
Because just like everybody else, it's not like a spigot all the time.
You know, I feel like I hear the Lord pretty clearly,
but there are days where I'm like, okay, it's dry.
I got nothing as far as for other people in certain seasons and stuff.
So it just depends on what is going on in the spirit realm.
Sometimes that does happen, so don't take that stuff personally, okay?
All right, so who is willing to share with the whole group what you shared in the breakout room?
Who's going to go first tonight?
Takers? Takers?
I was sharing about what you were bringing up about comparison.
So I was sharing with the ladies how I've been guilty of doing that because being 40,
been engaged before but never married,
and then seeing these young women that I've held as babies,
they're married with kids that, like, stings.
I'm like, wait a minute.
I told you when you were a baby, and you're like, wait a minute.
So I definitely could relate to the comparison.
And then also trying to uplift myself by doing gratitude,
trying to be thankful for things that I can do while still being single.
So sometimes I feel like, okay, I'm running out of things to do.
Like, the only thing I haven't done yet is, like, jump out of a plane with a parachute.
So it's like, at this age, you've done everything you wanted to do.
But, yeah, I was talking about how I can definitely relate to that.
That's so good, Shekinah.
So if you don't mind if I ask,
when you see those people living in the dreams that you've been believing for but don't have them yet,
ladies, I want you to get really comfortable with the word yet, okay?
Because it's just yet.
One day I didn't know Brian, and the next day I did, okay?
So here's my question, Shekinah.
What lies do you hear that lead you to kind of start to fall into that comparison trap?
Let's see.
One lie here is, like, maybe I spent too much time at my home church.
There were no men there.
Maybe I didn't invest in my love life more than I – as much as I should.
Yeah, I did the online dating here and there.
Yeah, I did the speed dating here and there.
I was like, well, maybe I didn't really put much effort into making sure I was in the right circles to meet someone.
Okay, these are really good.
And I asked you to share because there's going to be other women in here that are going to relate to the things that you're saying.
Remember, ladies, we want to look at, okay, she said two lies very specifically that she was hearing,
and there might have been more, but these are the two that stood out to me.
I spent too much time at my home church, and there weren't enough men there,
and I didn't invest enough into dating, okay?
So do we believe that God can redeem the time?
I know it's easy for us to say in the moment, but when it comes down to it, a lot of times we fear that, you know, we took too much time.
I dated the girl's dad for six years.
You guys, I was probably ripe and able to get pregnant at that time.
It's a struggle.
It is hard sometimes, but we can partner with the truth that God can redeem our timeline.
God can come in and create something beautiful out of hard things, but we have to be able to receive it.
So looking at the lies, where did they first take root?
So when's the first time?
I would say this to Shekinah or anyone else in this situation.
When is the first time you believe that you just spent too much time?
And so, hey, like it's, you know, because really at the end of the lie, we tend to believe it's too late for me.
It's too late for me.
Well, I want to tell you this.
We have women getting married in their 80s, y'all.
No joke.
Okay.
We have women getting men and women getting married in their 80s.
It's real.
You can still find God's happiness and love for you.
It's not too late for you.
Okay.
Your love story might look different than you originally imagined it, but it's going to be good if you trust the Lord in the process.
And then didn't invest enough time.
You know, it goes back to what I was saying earlier about, you know.
The enemy really trying to get us all caught in the trap of regret.
We can't change the past.
All we can do is move forward and change the future as far as just following
the Lord and allowing him to change it.
But, you know, just taking one step every day towards, in this case, your
heart healing process so that you can move into the next phase and start to
learn how to date again and have healthy dating skills that you learn and all of
the things that we teach you over there to implement, and you're going to have
continued heart healing over there too.
I promise you, I promise there's going to be plenty of that and a lot of good
things ahead to kind of thank you for sharing that with us, definitely keep
praying into the root of those and asking God to really transform where those
originally took root so that you can heal and partner with the truth to
contradict those lies.
Okay.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Megan, go ahead.
Megan Gaston first, and then is it Bondracek?
Is that how you say?
Awesome.
Okay.
So then Megan G, then Megan V.
I think for me, the biggest thing was kind of comparison, but also competition.
But I recently went on a trip to kind of push myself.
I went to kind of check out this place to see if it was the promised land.
I challenged myself to go out to eat, do things alone.
Like I knew nobody, I went on this trip alone and I really felt really
encouraged, but when I came back, I've had a lot of warfare and a lot of
intimidation and fear and all that stuff.
One of the things that I've been comparing is why is it that other people
don't have the enemy right up in their face, that they can fight him with like
a bow and arrow and they can be miles away, but I have to face him face to
face and I'm so exhausted and I just had been so overwhelmed and it was
very like an anxious week and one of the big things, I know like a lie that
I was believing was that I almost felt like Jesus in the garden and I wanted
to be like, God take this cup away from me because I don't want to live this
life anymore, like this is just, there's no good right now and so I guess like
just that comparison and I think like just struggle with competition, but
just like it's been really hard and to be honest, I've been trying to do the
video that Jackie had in the curriculum about hopelessness and I have, it has
taken me like, I'm not even finished with it yet, but I've had like six or
seven attempts to try and get through that video, it's just been a lot of
warfare.
Megan, I don't know if I've ever asked you this before or not, but something
that's coming up, have you, has anyone in your family ever struggled with
depression?
Like does that run in your family line?
A little bit, yeah, on my mom's side, my grandmother gets like seasonal
depression.
Yeah, so I think that's part of what's happening here.
It's not just your battle that you're fighting, you're up against some
depression that is generational, because literally I don't think in all the
times I've coached you, I don't think that's come out, but it's coming up in
my spirit tonight.
Here's the other thing.
And I do know that on my dad's side, there's a lot of hopelessness.
So I know like a lot of it's generational.
So I've been trying to be that Kingsman redeemer and fight that, but I think
that's also the struggle is like, I'm the only one that's fighting.
Well, here's the truth though, is you're actually not the one that has to fight.
Jesus already fought that battle for you.
You just have to partner with him now.
And I think that I know that you're hearing me, but I think that's the switch
that needs to happen in your spirit, like deep down.
Yes, we do.
We need to pray.
But sometimes, you know, what is the greatest weapon?
It's praise.
Literally there have been times I have felt down and literally
not wanted to worship.
And y'all I'm a worshiper.
I love to sing.
I love to worship.
And those are the times where you have to sometimes just choose to press
through and worship anyways.
Um, that one song, this is how I fight my battles.
That comes to mind right now as well.
Um, and again, I'm not trying to minimize it or make it sound super easy.
You know, these are serious battles that people face, but I think the reality is
you're believing the lie that you're in this by yourself and you're not.
And.
So you have to like, really like, and this isn't like a war, war, war.
I got to fight, fight, fight, fight, fight.
This is a, this is not true.
Was it last week that I talked about Divergent when she was in the water and
she, I don't know if that was with you guys, there's a movie called Divergent
and she's in this water tank and it shows the scene where she's just tapping
the, the plat, the glass and she's like, this isn't real and the glass, like
she doesn't enough in the glass just shatters and she goes right out.
And this is something that she should not have been able to get out of kind of thing.
And that comes to mind as well.
I think that the enemy wants you to believe the lie that this is something
you're just trapped in and you're not going to get out and the reality is.
That's not real.
Like you got, Jesus already fought the victory, fought the fight, got the
victory, but it's that we have to learn how to walk that out, but you're not
having to scrap for this thing.
You can just kind of rest.
I'm hearing the Lord say, rest in his peace.
And I know that doesn't feel probably comfortable to you because you've
learned through your family line to partner with depression, to partner
with hopelessness and, you know, a lot of times, whether we realize it, and I
don't want this to sound like mean towards Megan, I'm saying for everybody
in general, myself included, it's easier for us to partner with victim and self
pity it is then to say, you know what?
No, I know what I feel right now, but my flesh, my feelings don't get to drive
today.
They don't get to sit in the driver's seat.
So I take authority right now in Jesus name over my mind and every thought.
And I take these thoughts captive right now in Jesus name.
And I declare that I am a more, I am more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus,
that I am an overcomer, that no matter what I feel right now, God is for me.
So Satan, who can be against me?
You don't win.
Like sometimes it's not, it's not paying Satan too much attention, but literally
we have to talk to our spirits.
I even said this on the prophetic night last night.
We have to, why are you don't downcast?
Oh, my soul hope in the Lord.
And again, yes, our physical bodies.
I know that you feel tired.
I know that you battle fatigue.
I believe that the more that you heal, the more you're going to get victory over
those things as well.
And I can relate to you.
I fight a lot of physical battles and fatigue.
A lot of it stems back to things I went through as a kid.
My body has to learn new things at 47.
I think the problem is, is that my home environment has gotten even more unsafe.
That's why I'm in my car right now.
And so that doesn't help.
Yeah.
So you went and looked at this new place.
I want to not forget one other thing I was going to tell you there, and I don't
necessarily get this book right now, but I highly recommend it for you after you're
done with heartwork.
I got to think of it now.
It is called The Dream Giver by I think Bruce Wilkinson.
And there is this part in the book where it talks about border bullies and how when
the guy in the story is starting to walk towards the dream that God has given him,
he encounters border bullies, people that are trying to keep him from crossing over,
if you will.
And when you were talking about, you went on this trip, you went to this new place,
which I know is out of your comfort zone.
You went and ate dinner by yourself.
You had this really great experience.
Yeah, this is huge for you.
And then you came home and you're encountering the border bullies.
That's what's happening.
I'm not saying that's easy.
That's hard.
What I do want to know is, is this new place somewhere you want to move to?
Yeah.
And I really like, because Jackie had, I think, shared on Supernatural Saturday
about taking, like, we got to take action and actually move forward with it and claim
it, I guess, or something.
And so that's what that trip was, was like, is this the promised land?
I really prayed into numbers about Joshua and Caleb and just felt that confirmation
was like, yeah, I can do this.
Like, yeah.
And so, but the doors have not opened yet.
And then the border bully.
Yeah.
Just know, ladies, too, really important in transition seasons.
I love that you're praying about the promised land.
I think that's awesome.
But I also want you to understand that there might be seasons.
okay? God led me to Indiana and two years later he led us to Florida. If I had
partnered with This Is The Promised Land regarding Indiana, I think I could have
gotten stuck in that. Does that make sense? It might be your current
place that God is leading you, but I want you to continue to leave things open. And
I'm not saying God will lead you one place and move you again. I don't know.
But I just think for all of you hearing, it's really important for us to know that God moves.
He moves in all different kinds of ways, you know, and life happens. And I just want you to
be open enough to receive the shift if God shifts things. And again, some of you might
stay where you're at forever. Some of you may move and not move again for a long time,
but some of you might be more along with my story where God led me somewhere.
Y'all, I said I was never moving back north again. When I moved out of Ohio, I said,
I'm never moving north again. I was living in Kentucky and then God brought me Brian and I'm
like, oh Jesus. And God led me back to Indiana into the colder gloomy weather. And I was like,
I don't want to be here, but I did it. I did it because God was leading me into that.
And so I knew that I could sustain, I knew that I was be able to sustain it.
Right. And then look at where God led us. One of the sunniest places there is.
We're in Southwest Florida, you all. We're far down. So Megan, I just want to encourage you.
I know that it's not easy. You're facing a lot of things, you know, you might want to just check
into, do you have a friend that a different friend that you could just move in with temporarily?
You know, um, I don't know if you have, um, I can't recall if your relationship is good with
your parents, but I'm just saying like, you might want to just explore what is like maybe, uh, uh,
maybe transition reprieve, you know, and we don't typically encourage people to move during heart
work, but you've kind of been in this a long time, Megan, with these people you live with.
And it just sounds pretty toxic. And, um, I encourage you to continue to use your voice.
But also let's pray into maybe figuring out if there's something that
might be, uh, the, in the meantime, until God leads you into that new place.
Yeah. My parents are up North, so that would be a big, big move to go up to then go really
far down again. But yeah, it's also a toxic environment. So yeah.
All right. Well, just pray into it. Make sure no matter what, make sure you're always just saying,
Lord, where do you want me to go? Do you want me to stay here and learn how to like,
keep growing in my voice and stand up for myself and learn how to navigate that? Are you wanting
me to move somewhere? Is there any open doors you can show me and just keep praying like that.
And we'll be agreeing with you in prayer about it as well. Okay.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome. So glad you shared. Thank you so much, Megan V. Go ahead.
Thank you, Megan. Thanks for what you shared everybody. Um, Bethany, I just wanted to say,
I really appreciate you and admire you. I have never even talked to you, but,
um, just, I just look forward to these calls and it's just been so encouraging. So thank you. Um,
I think for me, what I shared in my group is the, the comparison competition or imitation
comparison is probably the, the big one. Um, little bit of my story. I'm the oldest of five.
I have, I had an amazing family growing up. I do have an amazing family. Um, and all of my
siblings are married. I have, um, soon to be 15 nieces and nephews under 11. So I feel like I'm
a spiritual mom. My heart has always been to be a mom, but it's like, I've, you know, I kind of,
it's like Jackie's talked about like how people like do it all right, you know, or think they're
doing it right. And my first relationship was when I was 38 and, or 37 or something. And I'm 41
and it was, um, long and short of it. It was like a really, he was still like had a lot of pain.
Um, porn addiction, video game, alcohol, this trifecta, but I saw beyond it. Cause he had just
come to know the Lord. And so you're like, I can see beyond and I'm going to continue to walk with
you and forgive you and pray for you. And, you know, but obviously the Lord was like,
you're a codependent, you know, like I've been on this whole journey. Um, but sometimes when I'm in
family settings, I'll look around the room and it's like, it feels like everyone's life has
moved forward. And like the ache of my heart has been to be a mom since I was like 10. And so when
I sit in my family's living room and I see like everyone's life.
is like, you know, all these kids and like fruitfulness.
And it's like the lie that can come in the comparison
is like, I only attract projects or wounded men.
Like I didn't even date this guy for like,
we weren't even official.
I told him I'm not interested at two weeks.
He ended up being this psycho
and I had like a two year restraining order.
He was like harassing me.
And you know, so it's like these two relationships
I've had have been like this hot mess of a man
who I release and I forgive.
And it's like, I've taken so much from it
and so much good and like know what I'm looking for.
But especially when someone said like the people
that you were, a lot of the kids I babysat
have gotten married and have had kids.
And it's just like those moments for me are like,
or the enemies just like, it's easy for everybody else.
But it's always hard for you.
Like this lie that's kind of gotten in
over the last four years.
And so I'm just so grateful for this community.
And I know that God's doing a lot,
but it's still just that like having to choose gratitude
and not believe what the enemy is trying to throw at me.
So, okay, you have, thank you for sharing that.
First and foremost, super important.
You're very transparent.
Thank you for the kind words you said as well.
Encourages me when y'all are here.
You show up for yourselves,
but it encourages me when you're all here and you share.
God, I get so blessed by what God is doing.
It's truly remarkable, but okay.
So out of five kids, what kid were you in that order?
I'm the oldest.
Okay.
Oh, you said that oldest of five.
Okay, so what was, now I know you said
you have an amazing family and that's probably very true,
tell me, what was it like growing up for you?
I was the kid that was like,
like my parents meant well, but they were always like,
Megan, thank you for being such an easy kid.
Thank you for being such a blessing.
You're always like, I'm the helper through and through.
I'm like a two on the enneagram.
I see all the needs.
Other siblings are freaking out.
I have to really be easy and not be too complicated
for mom and dad.
And so I've had a lot of revelation of how I've just kind of
like a recovering people pleaser, like all the things.
And then as a kid, I, for whatever reason,
I have a crazy birth story and I'm not gonna get into it,
but because of my 27 week, I was born at 27 weeks preemie,
fought for my life and was never held, never touched,
until I was a month old.
So there's so much that the Lord's shown me over the years,
but it's like, I always had to be the strong one
or I put that pressure on myself.
No one communicated that to me.
My parents never were like, don't be emotional,
but I held all my emotions in.
So I was like, I didn't realize how much I was a feeler
till I was a teenager because I was like, suck it up.
Don't be too much.
Don't be too, like, don't make things too messy
because they're already stressed out with other kids.
Just be easy.
And so I just went on a journey of knowing
that that's not my place, but I just kind of took that role,
I guess, in my family.
Yeah.
So I think part of the thing is that you have to kind of,
what's coming to mind, Megan, is this convergence, right?
So it sounds like you've done a lot of healing work already
regarding the birth and all of that,
but I do want to kind of just encourage you
just to kind of do what I'm hearing the Lord say,
like a pass through, if you will,
and just make sure there's nothing lingering
regarding that timeframe.
But what I'm hearing too is this convergence, you know,
of like your younger self and your older self
kind of coming together and finally being okay
with who you are.
And at the core, there were a couple of things you said.
You said, I have to be easy.
I always have to be the strong one.
Suck it up, don't be too much.
Now, again, you're saying, you know,
your parents didn't say those things,
and that's, you know, probably very true.
There are a lot of people that hear things from the enemy,
even when their parents are not saying them to them,
and they internalize them,
and then they start living out through those lies.
But the reality is we probably saw something
or heard something.
It could have even been on TV.
Yeah.
I had a student once,
and I don't know if this is gonna resonate for you,
but it hasn't come up in my mind in a long time,
but it's coming up right now.
I had this student that part of her healing journey here in the
heart work was one time we were doing a session and what came
out was that she saw something on TV when she was five years
old. It caused deep fear in her. And because that stuff entered,
and she could never remember what it was, but it was through
the TV. And so we did some heart work around what she saw on the
TV and, you know, kind of what it did in her when she saw it.
And it started unlocking a bunch of other things that she didn't
even recall that were connected back to that first time she saw
that on the TV. So again, I don't know if there is anything
like that for you, it could be totally different. But sometimes
we just don't know, you know, what we have taken in, even if
it wasn't through our parents. That can kind of be that
stopping point, if you will. Now, I do want you to really
work on. And when I say work on it, this is about you asking the
Lord for revealing for healing. That's the work part. Okay.
Yeah.
The, the part of being the oldest one, and you're not
married yet. Okay, remember the keyword yet? Yeah. And that's
not in a negative tone. That means it's coming soon. Okay.
But you also said, I only attract projects or wounded
people. And then you also told me you're a helper through and
through kind of in the past, to a fault. Okay. So what would it
look like for Megan, to not have to be perfect anymore? To not
have to have it all together, to really let yourself kind of cry
the ugly cry, feel the feels like what I'm hearing is to the
depth, not stay there forever, but just to really feel it.
Because here's the reality. You know, people that are big
givers attract takers. And it often begins in our family, even
if we have good families. So the tough thing is that you
might. And again, it doesn't mean you don't have amazing
parents, Megan, but you might need to finally be open to
letting God show you things that your parents missed with you.
Things that you needed them to see. And know that you didn't
want to have to be the good kid all the time. It didn't mean
that you didn't want to be good, if you know what I'm saying. But
like, it's a lot of pressure. And again, you said, you know,
that your parents didn't mean anything by it. But like that,
you know, that you're just the easy one. So then it does turn
into this, like, I can't ever, like, when you start to have
days that you're struggling, or you're carrying this load, you
know, you feel like you can't say anything. I had a lady just
last week, tell me that. I think I told you guys part of this
story. But she was in a church that when this teenager got
pregnant, they removed her from the church. Well, then something
bad happened to her. And she was terrified to ever say anything.
Oh, but see how we interpret things, and then we carry
things. So I'm just sensing that you're still carrying a load on
your back that you aren't meant to carry. And I think it's for
your family. So even though you're the oldest, the others
have kids and things, you've been carrying things for I think
a lot of them. I just I don't even know what that means for
you. But I think you've been carrying things for them for a
long time. And when we do that, it takes up space for us to be
able to receive things for ourselves. Yeah. Okay, it's not
their fault. It's not even necessarily your fault. It's
it's just the path that you've been on. But part of the path,
you know, has been also probably there were some protective
things because you were a preemie, you know, even like
pray into and again, I don't know if any of this I'm kind of
just throwing out anything that's bubbling up in me. Also
pray into if your parents kind of over protected you because
you were a preemie. You know, like if they were afraid of you,
you know, experiencing certain things and you know, just that
over protectiveness that might have even led you into being
overly cautious to do things and you know, again, none of that
may resonate, but let's just kind of pursue and ask the Lord
just keep asking the Lord really good questions. Let's pursue a
couple directions that I mentioned. And if you need to
catch the replay to kind of go back and hear that again,
because I was I was kind of going in a bunch of directions.
Pray into that, and then I want to encourage you to come in the group and share, even if it's little things and you're just like, I don't know if this is anything I just want to process this.
This is where we can really help you start to gain some more traction is as things are coming up, just come in and ask, ask us a question we can help you.
Then we'll go to the next thing, you know, don't feel like you have to wait for weeks to figure something out and then come in.
You guys will start to gain more momentum. If you come in and short things and kind of share and then we can help you unpack it more. That makes sense.
Yes. Okay. Awesome. Thank you for sharing. I really think you're going to attract someone amazing, but you know, it starts on the inside of you.
I used to attract takers. Okay. Massively. I did. And I didn't know if it was ever going to end. So I just want to encourage you.
It did end, but you know what, what caused it to end is I had to partner with healing myself. I had to learn how to set healthy boundaries and then recognize, um, not just red flags, but recognize people that had green flags, recognize the healthy people.
And not ignore red flags when I saw them, because that was what got me into trouble is I would see red flags and people, and then I would keep going because like you, I would be believe the best in them. My, my spiritual daughter's dad.
Oh, my gosh, you guys would have thought he was a saint by how I saw him.
Literally. And I mean, not to everyone. I told my, my best friend, the real story, you know, but the reality is, is sometimes those are things that can get us really tripped up. So being fully honest with yourself. Okay. Even about things that might've hurt your feelings with siblings or parents or whoever. Okay.
Okay. Thank you, Bethany.
You're welcome. I'm excited for you. I think this is good stuff. Yeah.
I'm excited too. Thank you.
Yeah, you're welcome. Roseanne, go ahead.
Hi, Bethany. Hi group. Um, so I, I, I just wanted to get some coaching really, but what I shared in the group was, um, I think, and I'm not sure which, which comes first, you know, it's like the chicken or the egg thing.
It's a combination of, of comparison and competition. Um, or maybe I don't, like I said, I don't know which one come first comes first. I, I compare myself with others or other, you know, a lot of times at work is where I see it cropping up more.
Yeah. Um, because, you know, performance is measured and all of that. And so I compare myself with others and then I, you know, try to be, I, I, I have to fight not to let myself get into that competition mode and be manipulated by that.
Yeah.
Um, and then, but the, I mean, several things that you've said to the other ladies, like when Shekinah was talking and I'm, I'm 61 and never been married and never really dated a lot.
And one of the ladies in the breakout group said, you know, she joined, uh, last year single because she, like the Lord said, you're not going to get anything different if you don't do something different.
And so, you know, I, I kind of went, got into this place in my forties where I was at peace, you know, I, all I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother. And when I got, you know, started into my late twenties, it was like, okay, this is not happening.
I'm not sure what to do, you know, and I was kind of on the, uh, cusp, if you will, of online dating. And I, so I never did that. I never got brave enough to do it, you know, honestly. And, um, I just always thought that I would meet somebody either, you know, at my church or God would bring somebody into my life.
And I've heard, you know, you and Jackie talk about, you know, people, singles who fall into the trap of being in the waiting room. And so this has been coming up for the last several months, probably maybe a couple months. It's like, I thought I was doing the right thing, you know, at the time.
And, and I didn't completely put my life on hold. You know, I, I bought a home. I went on some mission trips, but I never, you know, I was waiting to be pursued, you know, I wasn't trying to be out there and.
find somebody on my own. And so, I don't know, a lot of the things you said to Shekinah, I was like,
I need to hear more of that. Yeah, so I have a question for you. Okay.
Do you believe that you're a bride, Roseanne?
Sometimes, honestly. I mean, there's part of me, like, because I know that nothing is impossible
with God. Okay. And that, you know, if he can get Sarah pregnant and Abraham, and they're,
I mean, I'm a nurse. And so I know what it means to be dead in your body. You know, if he can get
Sarah and Abraham, I mean, it's really both of them, you know, if he can get them, have them,
let them have a baby, they can do anything, you know. Here's the key. Right now, you're telling
me from your head knowledge, okay, which is, this is what's going to help you shift. But what I want
to ask you is not just here in your head knowledge, but down here in your heart. Do you believe
already that you are a bride? What that means is that your spirit mate is already on his way to
you and you're already on your way to him. Do you believe it in your knower down deep? And if not,
that's okay. But that's going to show you and reveal, okay, I'm not really believing this yet.
Because one of the things that stood out to me with what you were just saying,
you said at first, in my 40s, I was at peace. So that stood out to me. But then you said in my late 20s,
I started thinking this isn't happening. Yeah. So you know what that tells me?
We need to go and visit your late 20s and ask the Lord, what lies did you start believing back then
that you're still believing now? Because you heard this isn't happening. And then what happens
when we believe the lie that this is never going to happen for us, okay, we start aligning with it.
And then telling ourselves things like I'm better off single. I just need to be content. Even
messages come from the pulpit, you all to singles, telling us, you guys just wait for Boaz.
Just wait for Boaz. I think it's so funny when Jackie's like, well, Boaz and broke ass and all
these things when she starts saying, I just remember the first time I heard that because
that was, I mean, I waited for God to bring people too. But you know what? I thought I like
prayed for God to bring the you. I didn't even care if he was the UPS man, as long as he loved
the Lord. I mean, that's what I would, I didn't really believe, like, that's not really what I
wanted. But I was kind of like telling myself that because it was easier than what I had been
through before. Because I, I, you know, did meet the girl's dad on an online dating thing. So I
convinced myself that if it, it went bad once, it's always going bad online. And that's what I
convinced myself of. But the reality is, is that everybody's journey is different. And if what we've
been doing for a long time isn't working, well, we have to shift what we're doing, which is what
your friend said. You know, we got to do something different. And so, go ahead. I was just going to
say that's part of the reason I joined last year single. You know, I came to this after I had been
in a relationship with a man for 18 months, and we were engaged, and then he ended it. I remember.
And I knew that, you know, I, looking at my life before and what I believed and
how I lived my life, it's like, one of my, a pastor, you know, and I, every Sunday when, I mean,
like, he said it so many times, I was like, okay, I'm done with hearing you say this. He said,
the definition of an insanity is do the same thing expecting different results.
And so that's why I joined last year single. It's like, okay, what I was doing before was not
working. I wasn't meeting anyone. I was not, you know, kind of like some, one of the other ladies,
I was in a church that there weren't a lot of single men, and the ones that were there didn't
really seem to be looking, you know, to be married. And so that's why I came to last year single. It's
like, okay, I got to do something different. Yeah. I mean, we literally encourage people to go to
different churches if they need to, or go to a church that has a singles group for the singles
group or whatever to get out of the comfort zone of where we're at. We have to stop believing that
God's just going to like, you know, like back in the day, what was that? Beam me up, Scotty. Like,
it makes me think of that. I don't know.
I don't even know what that's from, but that just came up in my mind.
Like we just, it's kind of like, we think God's just going to put
him right down all the time.
And then we get mad at God when he does not do that.
And even if we're not angry people internally, we're like doubt God.
So here's my assignment for you.
Are you ready?
Yes, ma'am.
Are you sure?
Well, I'm going to write it down.
All right.
I want you to go try on wedding dresses, Roseanne.
Okay.
And I want you to take some pictures in those wedding dresses.
I want you to start picturing yourself as a bride, because it's going to, it's
going to cause you to face some things that you haven't faced yet.
I really believe that.
So that's part of this process, you know, and if you're afraid to do it yourself,
take a friend that has some courage that you can borrow, but
the point is the process.
Okay.
So it might be that the first day you just go in a store and look, okay.
Then maybe it's the next time you go in and try them on.
Maybe you're going to just God, I trust that God can just
empower you to go and try them on.
But I'm just saying to you, whatever your process needs to be for you,
I trust that, you know, for you.
But I think that if you're at that point where I do, I do want you to pray about
the twenties, the late twenties, what happened during that time that caused
you to believe this is just not happening for me and let's get to some root
lies back in that age frame and let's see what else God unlocks through that.
But, um, yeah, I really, I really would not say to everybody to do the
bride thing in the heartwork, but I know that you've been here, you know,
you've been with us for a little bit.
I know the other things you've been really leaning into and getting
healing, and I think this is going to be, I think this is going to kind
of move the needle a little bit more for you in this process, because
again, you have to get it from your head from knowing, okay, God is good.
God did it for Abraham and Sarah.
And those are good things, Roseanne, but it's got to get down in here.
Right.
And in order for that to happen, we have to feel the feels
so that God can heal the fields.
And I believe it, I think it's going to unlock some of that for you.
Cause until you tap back into what caused you to quit
believing in the first place.
Right.
I think it's going to feel like, well, I believe, but then you're
going to feel this stuck feeling.
Does that make sense?
And I like just you talking about it.
It's like, I can feel, you know, there's some pain in
there that needs to come up.
I know that, that part of what I dealt with, you know, through, I don't know,
you know, many years ago and for several probably years was it was easier to be
content than to continue to try to want, or even pursue that because I didn't
want to be disappointed again or more.
You know, I wrote, I wrote in a journal one time, many years ago, God, I know you
love me, but I don't know if you care.
And so, yeah, I mean, if y'all don't know, that's the Holy spirit.
I feel like man, when I feel it sometimes it's just like, I can't contain it.
So there's something on that Roseanne for you.
It's kind of like, okay, go look at these wedding dresses and tell
yourself, God, you do care.
I actually have one I got, I bought, you know, whenever I was engaged,
cause I, I mean, you know, it's been years since I thought about it.
I was like, oh my gosh, I don't even know what I want.
Okay.
And so I just ordered one.
I want you to pray into that though.
Here's why.
You bought that to marry someone else.
And sometimes I've even had ladies in here that when they sell that old
dress, something unlocks from that too.
Even if it's a dress that you love, you're different now, if, if that's
connected to something old that broke your heart, even though you like the
style of that dress, when you look at it, it's going to cause you to think
about that old thing subconsciously, whether you realize it or not.
And so, again, I'm not telling you that you have to, I just want you to pray
into that, consider releasing that dress.
Yeah.
I've been asking the Lord what to do about it.
So this is good.
Yes.
Yeah.
Ladies highly recommend any of you that bought a dress when you were.
engaged before or shoes or, you know, old stuff. I encourage you to sell that stuff.
Of course, ask the Lord first, but it's time for something new that's untethered to those
old things. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. So we're living, we're living fully, not halfway
living because I bought this before and that didn't work out. So now I'm just going to kind
of use it for now. Let's live fully. You know, like, like I said, when I realized that dress,
I'm going to, I'm going to put the picture up for y'all. So you can see the dress that I, that I
bought initially and the dress that I got married in. So y'all can see the difference
in those dresses. It's quite profound. But I had to learn how to not settle.
They both were not cheap dresses either. It wasn't that they were like, it was a beautiful
dress. It just wasn't my dress. Okay. So pray into those, let us know how that goes. And, uh,
we're going to be cheering you on. And if you're going to go, if you go for it and go try on some
If you go for it and go try on some new dresses, here's the other piece.
We want to see evidence. We want to see some evidence, evidence, and ladies,
if this is ministering to you, if this is stirring some things up in you,
go for it, go grab it for yourself. I hope that you guys all know that if I'm coaching someone
else and it's stirring things up in you, you can totally go do it for yourself. Don't think that
just because I'm coaching Roseanne that it can't apply to you. Some of y'all need to get some bride
gear. And this isn't about name it, claim it, fake stuff. This is about you partnering with faith.
That God does what Roseanne said. I believe God, you love me, but do you care? And remember I coach
on, he not only cares about our needs, but our wants. So if that's true, well, he absolutely
cares about us. It's just getting to the root of what, what causes us to believe the opposite of
that. I'm so excited. I can't wait to see where this goes. And, uh, maybe we'll see some lovely
bride pictures from some of y'all in the process here. Um, we got to believe we're a bride long
before we become the bride ladies. Okay. Roseanne, thank you so much for sharing. Catherine, go ahead.
I was sharing in my group about how I would compare myself. And I know like I've compared
myself to, um, Christian siblings in Christ that were here, they are married and it's been a
successful marriage. And that's like the thing I haven't had, but growing up, um, cause it goes
for growing up. I always compared myself with my brother always. Um, I thought he was the smart one.
I thought, I know lately I constantly say, I even say it to my dad, he's the smart one. He spent,
he spent this money traveling around the globe instead of wasting money on a, on a marriage that
didn't last and then wasting it on a divorce. And I'm now realizing as you were coaching everybody,
uh, this party didn't think to share on the group cause it didn't come up till now.
I've always compared myself to my brother because he's on the gifted end. He actually teaches
gifted teenagers in high school. He teaches typical teenagers, Spanish and French,
and he teaches gifted. I've went through special education. Um, that's why I I'm in the field.
That's why I want to help others with special ed. So always would compare myself even to,
well, he's doing better in school. He's doing harder stuff. I would always say things like,
I wish I was normal. I, and, um, and then today, like I think about when I was picking up my son
at the Y and talking about, you know, how it's good that my son's going to the Y he had social
skills. Cause I know he's special at two. I found myself blurting out about like to, to, you know,
I made friends with someone there that takes care of him there of how great in this group,
because Jackie can teach me like in phase two social skills about being in a good relationship.
I'm realizing I'm blaming all of this on, I have autism, so I'm just stupid with people.
So I always attract people that just walk all over me. Oh, this one's disabled. She's special
needs. She, and then I guess that's why I feel like I would attract all the guys that they just
want one thing.
and even as a teenager there was a neighbor that tried to lure me into his house of like
help me clean and I thought he was just you know gonna hire me for a job and my mom saw
otherwise so she protected me from that but it's like deep down inside I guess I feel like I can
attract good men because I'm on the autism spectrum and my social skills are horrible
so that's been something that's been coming up like today when I really think about it's really
been coming up today and I'm like wow that's that's a big revelation which of course as a
mom I hurt because if I feel that way about me well how is my son gonna have good relationships
as he gets older so well part of that goes deep yeah no and this is really great Catherine this
is the first time I've heard you connecting these dots so it's super important um one of the ways
your son is going to learn something different is because you're healing and you're catching
on to these things now and you're going to start doing different things which are going to help him
have a completely different path than what you had a couple things super important um you know
just even encouraging you to on your silhouette right that you are smart do you know that's
like even the things that you're identifying are very smart revelatory things these are things that
you're picking up on and so I really want to encourage you well you know your brother is
smart in one way you are smart in other ways and I don't think it makes like the way I tell this
story let me say it like this when I see another woman that's beautiful does it mean that I'm not
beautiful no it doesn't we can both be beautiful and be beautiful in entirely different ways than
each other you know what I'm saying so your brother can be smart and you can be smart you
guys can be totally different people it doesn't mean that you're not a smart person but I understand
why those comparisons would happen in you but I think that God is just trying to say to you that
hey that's not how I see you God doesn't see you as someone that is dumb or that just can't
have any social skills you might have to um work a little harder in this sense like my brother-in-law
has autism and I can tell that sometimes he has to put more effort into social skills and things
like that but he has learned so I believe that you can learn too and it might mean taking a social
skills class it might mean getting around other people that you know know your personality and
know your struggles that can kind of partner with you and walk with you people that you will talk to
like our community about people that you're dating to try to safeguard you a little bit so that you
don't get lured into relationships where people take advantage of you I mean you're doing a lot
of really good things Catherine to change the trajectory of your future one of the other things
that I think is really important though here I understand why you feel like it's wasted money
on your prior marriage and the divorce but I really want to encourage you to ask God to help
you change the way that you're looking at that because the reality is is you have still learned
you have still grown like this is not wasted money this is not a wasted experience that is
the enemy trying to get you to still partner with that whole part of your life was such a waste
such a failure well here's the reality I went through a divorce too and I'll tell you what
I lost a lot of money too but I don't sit around thinking about all that wasted money
did I used to think like that yes I did but I had to allow God to heal my heart and understand
that while that hurt me God was teaching me God was healing me God was restoring me but
how did that happen well I gave it to him I gave it all to him because you know what I couldn't
change the fact that I grew up in an abusive home that I saw things I never should have saw I
experienced things that I never should have experienced as a child I was not equipped to be
married at the age I got married but I chose to do it I did I chose to marry way too young
but God's grace is sufficient for me
and all that money God can bring that back into my life
I believe that 100 percent
do I wish
That would have turned out differently as far as not getting divorced?
Yeah, of course.
But would I have met Brian if that didn't happen?
I probably wouldn't have.
So all I know is that I'm in a marriage now.
That's very life-giving.
My husband builds me up.
We're a partner with each other.
We cheer each other on.
We love each other genuinely.
We have learned how to navigate financial things together more than
I've ever had anybody do in the, like things are, I'm not saying they're
always easy, marriage isn't always easy, but it's good.
So I want to encourage you to continue to let go of the regrets, Catherine.
It's time, you know, you've been doing it.
I've noticed you've been doing it.
You've been trying to let that go.
But the more that you let go of the negative verbiage about the, the, all
the things that were taken from you, the wasted things, again, that's all victim
language.
And again, I understand why you're saying it, but I want to encourage you to keep
shifting out of that because that gives the enemy power over you.
Okay.
You are a smart woman.
You're a capable woman.
You're a loving woman.
You care about your son.
You're being an amazing mom.
You're helping people in ministry.
There's so much good in you.
God is doing so many good things in you.
So I want to encourage you to partner with that and keep moving forward.
God has good things ahead for you.
Keep staying in community.
Keep coming to the coaching, keep applying what, what you're learning to the best of
your ability.
And I think, I think things are going to go a lot differently for you.
Well, you're right about that, even with the ministry, because I mean, I really got to
see this month that a huge reason why God told me to move upstate is I'm supposed to go into
ministry with my dad.
My son and I have been enjoying going to his church that he's pastoring at for three
Sundays now.
He started April 12th and he and I are believing for kids.
We're believing for kids and I'm even believing for kids with disabilities.
And I know exactly how to minister to them.
Like, first of all, I've been one of them and then I have one of them.
That's right, God's equipping you and he's building you up.
Ladies, this is a prime example of just like us letting go of all of the old things.
You remember like laying those aside and pressing on toward the high calling of God for
our lives.
Catherine, so excited for you again, just keep surrendering those old thoughts and kind of
that old kind of stinking thinking, if you will, and allow God to give you new, excuse me,
new thoughts and a new heart.
And it's going to go really well.
We're at 10.03.
Ladies, I went way long again tonight, but it was really, really good.
I feel like we were in a really important vein tonight.
I really hope you guys take a lot of stuff, put this stuff into practice, come in, show us
pictures of what you're doing, what you're trying.
What does it look like to be the real you?
If some of you go try some stuff that you've never done before, show some of that in the
group, too.
It's going to encourage other people.
I'm going to pray us out.
Father, thank you so much for everything tonight.
God, we ask you just to seal it all, encourage these ladies, lift them up, help them to have
amazing dreams, awaken the princesses in them, help them to arise and allow their light to
shine.
God, we ask you to help them to see what your plans and purposes are for them, not just
necessarily five years ahead, but just right now and help them to have the courage to walk
it out right now in this season.
We just thank you in advance for that.
In Jesus name.
Amen.
God bless you all.
Have a good night, everyone.
Bye bye.
Bye.