WEBVTT

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All right, hello ladies, it's April 28th, it's 1 o'clock Eastern.

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This is your Phase 2 Love Story Accelerator live call.

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Carla Johnson, for those of you that don't know me, see some ladies popping on here right

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at 12, 12 Central, 1 o'clock Eastern.

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Come on camera if you can, I know I got myself and Gail.

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You don't have to look like super done up, don't worry, I'm not today, all right?

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We've had sickness just going through our home with me, with the kids, it's just been

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crazy.

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So, it's just us ladies, so don't worry about what you look like, but if you can, come on

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camera, definitely do.

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I know some people are at work.

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Okay, and I got, is it, Shekinah's here with us, and Deanna, so good to see you.

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How is everybody doing?

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If you can't come on camera, I understand, but if you could say what's up in the chat,

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that way I know you're with us, that would be good.

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I know Kelly, Laura, I see Gail, always good.

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We are going to tackle the lovely online profile today.

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Ebony and I talked last week, and I think someone had posted, and I can't remember who

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it was, really wanting some guidance on how to kind of create and put together a profile,

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and you know, I remember when I was single and how to do that.

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I struggled, like I, one, I have a hard time kind of talking about myself in regards to

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like having to, you know, kind of market myself, if you will, kind of what it feels like when

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you're doing online dating, like you're trying to put your best foot forward, and so that

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was definitely something I was a little hesitant on doing, and I, you know, you feel like you

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want to, you want to make it like say the right things, and so, you know, when someone

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had mentioned that, Ebony and I kind of chatted real quick, and we're like, you know, let's

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do this.

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So that's the plan for today.

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Hey, Peggy, how are you?

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All right, she kind of is driving, good, yes, we don't want you in any accidents, so I get

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you not coming on camera.

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Laura, I'm so glad you got to visit with your daughter in Orlando, ah, Florida, I love Florida.

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Orlando is always a very, very crowded place, so I would love to hear what you were able

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to do there.

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We often went to Disney when I lived there, when I lived in Sarasota, we were about two

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hours away, so we had the Florida Disney passes, the Florida resident, so we often,

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you know, took the two-hour drive and did the whole Disney thing, I know, people thought

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I was crazy, but surprisingly, my youngest son was, he was a champ, you know, I really

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do feel like he managed the Disney pretty well, like he was not your fussy kid that

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you can sometimes see there, so that was a bonus of being able to live so close by to

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it, so, Gail, you had a home in Northport, no way, that was so close, my son's biological

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father lived in Northport, he now lives in Michigan, but yeah, so I know exactly where

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that's at, all right, ladies, okay, I got a few more on, Kathleen, good to see you,

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Kathleen and Peggy, I don't recognize you, are you ladies new this week, yes, yep, Peggy,

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I see her saying yes, welcome, it's so glad to have you, Kathleen, is it your first week

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as well, second week, awesome, perfect, okay, I'm getting some more ladies on, I got Karen,

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Nancy, Kelly, Lovelette, is it Anali, did I pronounce that right, Anali, Anali, I love

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that name, that's beautiful, it's your first week as well, no, I've been, I usually listen

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to the recording, okay, good, well, I'm glad you made it today, that's awesome, we're definitely

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glad to have you here, yes, so welcome, welcome, welcome to phase two, always, always good

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to have some new faces on.

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Definitely recommend whenever you can come to the lives.

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I definitely love that we replay them,

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like that we record them,

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because one, if you miss it, you can go back and watch it.

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Two, even when you're able to be here live,

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it is really nice to be able to go back and rewatch.

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And if you've been to the live,

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you don't have to watch the whole thing over again.

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You kind of can remember, oh, I wanted to be reminded

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of one certain area, section, something like that.

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And then you can kind of like fast forward

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and find what it is that you're looking for.

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So definitely, definitely good.

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Oh my goodness, that's so cool

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that your daughter works at Disney, Laura.

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And the Animal Kingdom Lodge.

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Yes, I love that resort.

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They have all the animals there, y'all.

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I definitely, when my son was younger,

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we would stay and we'd definitely get one of the rooms

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that you overlooked all the animals.

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So he loved that.

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It was always ideal.

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So I'm glad that you had a really good time, Laura.

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That's amazing.

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So, okay, Kathleen,

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we will spend some time chatting about that, okay?

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So let me go ahead and just cover a couple housekeeping,

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and then we will go ahead and jump into,

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I'll pray us in.

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We'll cover our teaching today,

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which for those ladies that just jumped on,

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we're gonna be kind of revamping

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or creating our online dating profiles.

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I'm gonna give you lots of tips there.

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Should be pretty brief, okay?

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And that's kind of what your activation

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this week is going to be.

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So if you've created a profile,

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like an online dating profile already,

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just go and clean it up a bit.

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So use some of the tips that we share.

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If you haven't, this is the perfect opportunity

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to really learn more about like what would make

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a really good, clear profile.

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Like what do you wanna include?

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If you know like right now is not a season

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that you wanna jump on those dating apps,

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I still want to encourage you to listen

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and be thinking of how you can

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maybe not create an online profile,

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but how you would create a message

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to send to some close family and friends

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that you are open to being matched

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and for them to be looking out for you

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and letting them know, hey, I'm single

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and I'm interested in being connected

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with anybody that you can think of, okay?

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So you can utilize a lot of what we share

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this afternoon to that kind of message as well.

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So even if you're like, oh, nope, Carl,

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I'm not doing the dating profile.

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I'm not going online dating

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cause I know there's always somebody, always somebody.

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And that's totally fine.

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I don't, I totally get it.

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Cause you know, online dating is not for the faint of heart,

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but it will stretch us.

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It actually does open us up to some, you know,

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learning and growing opportunities, believe it or not.

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Even if God has told us like, you know,

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you're not gonna meet your person online.

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You know, I get a lot of people that will say that.

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Like, I'm not gonna meet my person online.

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God already told me, which I'm not gonna argue with God

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if that's what God told you, all right?

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So maybe it's not about meeting your person.

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Maybe it's about meeting people

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that is going to prepare you for your person.

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Think of it that way and take some pressure off.

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So just something to be thinking about, be praying about.

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Okay, welcome, welcome, welcome to the newest members

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that are with us.

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I really don't have a whole lot of,

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it's kind of the typical housekeeping stuff.

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If you're brand new, you know,

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if you've got the five course content training videos,

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make sure that you're watching one of those a week

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or one at least every two or three weeks.

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You don't have to like force yourself to do one a week.

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If you kind of need to stretch it out,

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that's totally fine too, okay?

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We just say one a week so that you don't rush through it.

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I'd rather you take your time than to rush through it, okay?

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Sit and really like listen to what the content

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is being shared there

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and what the Lord wants to highlight to you

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in that teaching, okay?

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I know a lot of us sometimes are like,

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I don't have a full hour to sit down and watch that.

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Sometimes even just coming to a live call is like,

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I've got like 30 minutes and I can pop in

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and then I can go.

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I've got to watch everything else and replay.

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Totally understand.

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That's also why we do replays

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is because you can always pause it and come back to it.

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So don't let that discourage you.

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And then again,

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don't forget that we do offer one-on-one sessions

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with several of our dating coaches

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here at Last Year Single.

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They are an additional fee,

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but many, many women and even the men,

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because we have men that will utilize

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the coaching, one-on-one coaching as well,

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really do find it that it's useful

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for more of a in-depth,

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like get down to like some good,

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like hard work that might need,

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like unpacking,

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like things that just really need to be unpacked

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that we may not have the time to do on these group calls

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because we have several questions that we want to get to.

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And then we also have teaching on here as well.

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And so we really do try to keep our time

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to that hour, 15, hour and a half.

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It's definitely something that I know myself,

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really am trying to work on doing that

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because I know I can oftentimes extend it,

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but I need to get better at that.

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And so if that is something that you do feel like

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is going to be a very useful thing for you,

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that is available.

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Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and pray for us

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and then we will get started, okay?

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So Heavenly Father,

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as we come before you and we thank you,

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we thank you for each and every woman

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that is on the call today

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and every woman that's gonna watch and replay.

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Lord, I just ask that you help bring clarity

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to our mind and honesty in our hearts

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as we step into this conversation today.

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Lord, I ask that the ladies begin to see themselves

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with the truth and the compassion

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that you have for them.

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And they see themselves in that lens.

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Lord, I ask that we release any fear

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that keeps us from being fully seen and fully known.

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Lord, guide our hearts, our words as we learn to grow.

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Give us wisdom, especially as we reflect on,

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coming into what alignment, connection

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and healthy relationship can look like in our lives.

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That you have that for us and what that looks like.

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What would that alignment look like for us?

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What is it that you wanna do in our hearts

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to connect us in that way?

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Lord, I ask that we let go of any comparison,

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any pressure, any perfectionism,

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but instead, just that we lean more on authenticity,

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your peace and the confidence

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of who you've created us to be, Lord.

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That you've created us to be a wife

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and you have a husband created for us as well.

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And so there's nothing that we have to be perfect for.

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You've created with intention

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exactly what we need when we need it.

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Lord, I ask that you guide this time that we have together.

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I ask that it's practical,

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that I ask that it's eye-opening

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and it's encouraging, that it's fun.

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And that it just leads us to closer relationship

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in our daily life, but even with each other.

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You know, especially relationships

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that are healthy, mutual, and life-giving.

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I ask all of this in Jesus' name, amen.

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All right, see who else has jumped on?

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So good to see you all.

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I think everyone's still here, that's good.

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If you know that you are gonna have a question,

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go ahead and put your hand up.

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I know Gail's got a question, she's got her hand up.

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That kind of helps your little avatar hand.

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So yeah, Kathleen, I know you,

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you were talking about like,

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you feel like you made a mistake on dating,

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so we wanna get to that too as well.

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But for now, while we're waiting on that,

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I definitely want us to start thinking

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about our online dating profiles.

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Nadine, your hand is not showing.

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So ladies, if you're looking for that,

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if you go under React,

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there should, if you click on that icon,

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I think it has like a heart, if I'm on my desktop,

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so it will have a heart and it says React under it.

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Then there will be a tab that says Raise Hand.

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Okay, okay, good.

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I got lots of questions, so definitely helps me know

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that we need to get through our material,

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so I don't wanna take too long getting sidetracked.

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Yes, Kelly. Yes. Bring a godly single man right there to her doorstep. Amen. I love

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that. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Good, good, good. Awesome. And yes, Nadine, I see your hand

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now. Perfect. Okay. So yeah, I want you ladies, if you have your online dating profile, if

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you want to pull it up, you can. Okay. But you are at some point this week, I want you

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to look at it. Okay. You don't have to do it at this very moment, but I want you to

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be thinking about it. Definitely get your notes out so that you can be taking helpful

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notes. And again, if you're not online and you're like, I'm not doing the online dating

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thing, Carla, don't check out. You are still going to be able to apply all of this to

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how you're going to communicate to close friends and family that you're single and you are

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open to being matched. Okay. So there's ways of doing that. We can, we can incorporate

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some of these, these things. Okay. So the goal here is not to make your profile perfect.

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Because guess what, ladies, there is no, no such thing as perfect. All right. The goal

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when you're creating an online dating profile is to be clear. You want clarity. You want

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to show what it is that you are looking for. Okay. If there's no clarity there, there's,

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it's going to be very hard to find a connection because it's just clarity will lead to confusion.

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So it's really, really, really important, especially my ladies that are like, I don't

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want to waste my time. I get it. No one ever wants to waste time, but one way that we can,

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you know, help guide that. Okay. Cause again, we can't look at everything as it didn't work

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out. So it wasted my time because God can use every opportunity. It's not always a time

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waster. It might not have an outcome we were hoping for, but it doesn't mean that it was

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wasted. Okay. But we can direct quality based on being clear. So that's the goal. And that's

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where that frustration can come in is like, there's a mismatch. There's confusion. Well,

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if we're not clear in the very beginning, especially when we're, you know, we're going

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through people's profiles. Okay. And they're looking through several dozens of profiles as

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well. I mean, it gets, it can get overwhelming. I mean, is there anyone that's like, nope, Carla

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dating online dating is not overwhelming. I'd be surprised if anyone's like Carla,

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I don't find online dating overwhelming because I'd question whether or not you're being truthful

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with me. Cause y'all, I did the online dating thing for several years prior to heartwork and

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prior to meeting Jackie. And then even while I was in heartwork and, and, you know, doing Jackie's

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program here. So, um, so number one, you want to be clear. Okay. On what you want.

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All right. Um, so this can just be like one clear sentence about what your intention is.

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All right. It can be something like, Hey, I'm ready for a meaningful relationship.

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Okay. That's honest. It's clear. All right. It's I'm looking for something intentional and long-term

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personally for me, I didn't like adding, like, I'm looking for marriage.

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That word marriage will sometimes freak men out. Okay.

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And I say that not because marriage minded men aren't ready, but there are a lot of women out

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there that are so hyper-focused on the marriage that they want to scoot past all the getting to

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know you part and kind of get really intense with the, where's this going before they actually get

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to know you. And so women like women can kind of come off pretty strong. It's not very feminine.

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And so if men want to lead and they want to be the ones to lead that. And the women are like,

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all right, you know, do you want to get married? Like, um, I just met you.

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Or, I haven't even met you, I'm just reading your profile.

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Alright, but that doesn't mean that you can't be clear, like, I'm here to be intentional

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and I'm wanting a meaningful connection and a relationship that's going to be long-term.

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That's going to go somewhere.

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There's intentionality there, okay?

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This is really helpful because a man that actually is serious about it, he's going to

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be scanning for that, most likely.

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And if he's reading through, he's going to want confirmation that, hey, this woman is

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in alignment with what I'm looking for.

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She's serious about connection, she's not just looking to, you know, get dates or get

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meals paid for, okay?

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And again, like, when you're vague, you're not avoiding rejection.

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You're actually going to be attracting the misalignment.

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If you're vague, you're going to attract all sorts of things.

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Clarity is going to help minimize any of the rejection because that rejection is, and rejection

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isn't bad.

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Rejection isn't a negative thing.

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We used to say rejection was God's protection.

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You want to be rejected by what is not for you, but we all have probably experienced

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what rejection feels like and it doesn't feel good, especially if we have some wounds and

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some triggers with rejection.

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That's the last thing that we want to kind of, you know, open ourselves up to.

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So as long as we're clear, like, hey, I'm looking for intentional relationship, okay?

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Then we can kind of eliminate anyone else, all right?

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That doesn't mean that there are going to be some unattracted because you're looking

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for intentionality and they're not, but they're like interested because y'all, you ladies

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are good looking.

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You have a lot to offer.

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So they're going to be interested, okay?

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That's when you step into your discernment.

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That's when you get to read through their profile and you get to decide, does this seem

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like it aligns with where I'm at, okay?

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But this will help you kind of filter through some of that, all right?

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So clarity might feel vulnerable, but it's going to save you some time and energy, believe

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it or not, okay?

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Okay, second thing, you don't want to put anything in your profile that's very generic.

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Let's be specific, okay?

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You want to avoid your profile being able to fit anybody's profile.

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Does that make sense?

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Like it shouldn't just belong to anyone.

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It should really say something about you.

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It's got personality to it.

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It's specific, okay?

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So instead of saying something like, I love to travel and have fun, well, okay, that explains

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a lot of people, all right?

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So you might say like, hey, I enjoy going on one trip a year.

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Last year, I went here.

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This year, I plan to go to Boston, like wherever, okay?

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And be authentic.

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Like if that's you, share that.

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Be specific about that.

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If you love to travel, give us some specifics about that.

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Don't be generic.

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Oh, I like to travel.

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Okay, well, great, but what does that look like for you, okay?

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Do you travel internationally?

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Do you travel locally?

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Like what does that look like, okay?

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It's memorable.

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You want to be memorable.

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You want someone to be able to easily engage with you because, again, you're on a screen

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right now.

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And so you want something that's going to at least stand out and be very relatable and

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personable to hopefully create a memorable, like, hey, I really love that, and there was

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some specifics about that.

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And then you can actually create something that's memorable.

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conversation that way. The third thing, y'all, show your real life. Show your real

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life. Not what you hope it will look like or what you wish you were stepping into

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looking like, but what is your actual lifestyle like? You know, are your

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weekends filled with, you know, working out and spending time with your friends

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and, you know, going to new restaurants? Is that what you like to do on your

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weekends? What does your weekend look like? On average, what does

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your weekend look like? You know, what are your weeknights look like? You know, do

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you have certain classes, certain Bible studies that you go to? You know, do you

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enjoy cooking? Like, are you someone that stays home and cooks for yourself and

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or invites people over and friends and family over to cook during the week? What

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does that look like? What does an average weekday, weeknight, weekend look like for

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you? What is your lifestyle? You know, do you like to watch, you know,

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just chill? Like some of us on weekends, we are so busy from work during the week

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or with our kids and then we're just like, come weekend, I just want to

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relax. You know, or if you have kids, like maybe it's like, you know, my weekends

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consist of baseball fields. My life is literally, I live at a

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baseball field. Like for the last weekend and the next three weekends, I will be at

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a baseball field and you'll probably see me in the next couple weeks, my face is

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going to be sunburned because I will be outside all day long, Saturday and Sunday,

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as long as it doesn't rain here in Texas. But that's kind of what our life

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consists of. So you might be a single mom that has some, you know, active kids and

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you're at sporting events, like share that. You don't want to, now that's an

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area you might not get specific on, not sharing specifics about your kids, but

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you can share, I have three kids and we spend a majority of our weekends going

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to parks and playing sports. You don't have to be super specific, but you're at

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least inviting a person in to realize, oh this woman's a single mom, then when

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they're scanning that, if that's something that they're not looking for

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and they want that they're maybe spontaneous and want to go away on trips

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on weekends, they're gonna see your profile and know, well that doesn't

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really align with where I'm at in my life. I like to travel and go to different

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places and if this woman has children that she's having to

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take to dance and you know baseball and you know she's spending time going to

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the park with, then she's probably not available to do those things. So I'm not

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gonna reach out to her even though she's a really cool, looks like a

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really cool, interesting woman because we're not in alignment. Or he is

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interested, but he hasn't really thought through, like he likes to travel all the

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time and you've got a lifestyle that doesn't really allow that and you go

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look at his profile and you kind of see that and then you get to kind of share

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with him, hey thank you so much for the like and thanks for reaching out. I

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checked out your profile, you look like an incredible guy, but I noticed like our

401
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lifestyles don't seem to align. I shared that I'm really busy

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with volunteer work at the church and so I don't get a lot of time to

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go away for long weekends and I see that's something that you enjoy to do

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and so I just don't know if that really has us in alignment with one another.

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But I wish you the best of luck and again thank you for reaching out, I was

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really flattered. Do you see how that can avoid rejection and avoid clouding any

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like time and effort and like confusion because you're actually looking for

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clarity and alignment. So like people are gonna want to imagine what is it to

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have to do life with you and not just reading about you, but that what does

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that look like? What does your lifestyle look like? So putting one or two lines

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about that.

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super helpful and you don't have to sound impressive. This is not about, you

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know, impressing someone because you're afraid no one's going to choose you.

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Because if you say something that's impressive but not really actually what

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your lifestyle is like, guess what? There's gonna be disappointment and

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confusion and misalignment because eventually you're gonna realize that

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maybe they weren't clear or they're gonna realize that you aren't. And so

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it's gonna be really important that, you know, there's accuracy and they get to

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see exactly how enjoyable you are. You're not impressive, you're enjoyable. Does

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that make sense? The next one, and this is a big one I get a lot of ladies

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asking about, is including faith in your profile. If your faith is something that

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matters to you, absolutely put it in there, okay? But there are guardrails to

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this, okay? This is where a lot of ladies get tripped up, okay? I want you to

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include faith in a simple, honest, and like with integrity, okay? You're not

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putting your faith in there to be used as a way to filter or test somebody. If

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that's where your posture is, it will backfire, I assure you, okay? So an

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example of how you can do this is saying something like, you know, my faith is

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important, is an important part of my life. You know, my Sundays include, you

429
00:32:03.840 --> 00:32:11.800
know, church and going out to brunch with family and friends. You are giving a

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snapshot of what your faith entails. Maybe my faith is important and I really

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enjoy going to Bible study every Wednesday and then going to brunch and

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connecting with my small group on Sunday. What does that look like for

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00:32:31.880 --> 00:32:37.240
you? What you need to avoid, okay ladies, what's really important here, and I say

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this with a lot of love, okay, is you want to avoid long, heavy explanations,

435
00:32:50.720 --> 00:32:58.720
lists of spiritual requirements, and language that's going to feel like

436
00:32:58.720 --> 00:33:03.640
they're being screened or you're screening somebody to measure what their

437
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faith is.

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You want your profile, and Jackie will teach this, it should signal alignment,

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not controlled outcomes. When we start listing spiritual, like, lists of what we

440
00:33:25.800 --> 00:33:32.960
are, we need this, we need that, and this is how, like, it, and like these spiritual

441
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requirements, like you're screening something, it will show up and be

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perceived as control. And ladies, if you've watched The Divine Feminine,

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that's not feminine. Control is just a gentler way, in my opinion, to say

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00:33:56.360 --> 00:34:02.200
manipulation, and I say that lovingly because, ladies, I am someone who likes to

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control things. That is an area God consistently is working with me on, even

446
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in marriage, and even in my parenting. I have to really spend time with the Lord

447
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as to what the sense of needing control, and like, what, why is that? What's the

448
00:34:30.639 --> 00:34:39.280
root of that? What do I need to work on? And so, if you recognize that you kind

449
00:34:39.280 --> 00:34:44.800
of have this list of spiritual guidelines, like, they have to, they have

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to go to church every Sunday, and they need to know the Lord for ten years, at

451
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least, and they can't be a new believer, like, you will hear Jackie often say, it's

452
00:34:58.160 --> 00:35:02.040
not about where someone's been, it's about

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where they're going, because even the most seasoned believer has flaws.

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Seasoned believers can also have moments where they hit droughts, and so it's not always

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about their gifts.

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It's about inspecting their fruit.

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Are they peaceful?

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Do they have joy?

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Are they kind?

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Is there a gentleness?

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00:35:40.880 --> 00:35:43.640
Do they practice self-control?

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Now that doesn't mean that they're going to do it perfectly, but 80% of the time if you're

463
00:35:48.720 --> 00:35:54.520
spending time with these people, because again, you're not just making these decisions after

464
00:35:54.520 --> 00:35:59.040
one date, now there are going to be some things that you're like, oh, that's not in alignment

465
00:35:59.040 --> 00:36:02.960
with me, and those are the flags.

466
00:36:02.960 --> 00:36:06.440
These are the non-negotiable things, and that might lead us.

467
00:36:06.440 --> 00:36:13.280
We say it's a yes until it's a no, but we want to be open.

468
00:36:13.280 --> 00:36:19.600
Give yourself two to three dates, maybe a month.

469
00:36:19.600 --> 00:36:23.480
That should probably be about a month if you're dating someone and going on two or three dates

470
00:36:23.480 --> 00:36:26.920
that roughly is probably around a month.

471
00:36:26.920 --> 00:36:29.160
That's a good pace, okay?

472
00:36:29.160 --> 00:36:33.240
Doesn't mean that it, you know, you might be able to go on two dates a week, so that

473
00:36:33.240 --> 00:36:38.040
might look a little different, or if you, like I was a single mom, so I was only able

474
00:36:38.040 --> 00:36:42.880
to really plan dates like once every two weeks, and so it might have stretched a little bit

475
00:36:42.880 --> 00:36:46.800
for me.

476
00:36:47.280 --> 00:36:57.840
When our faith becomes really over rigid, it's often fear that's trying to create certainty.

477
00:36:57.840 --> 00:37:08.040
That's where a lot of that control and like lists come from, is we're trying to like keep

478
00:37:08.040 --> 00:37:16.400
ourselves safe, and it really does show that we don't trust God, that we have to kind of

479
00:37:16.400 --> 00:37:17.400
control that.

480
00:37:17.400 --> 00:37:20.880
We want to really be open.

481
00:37:20.880 --> 00:37:25.560
We don't want to be closed off to healthy connection, and like I said at the beginning

482
00:37:25.560 --> 00:37:38.800
of this, like you may not meet your spirit mate online dating, but you might meet someone

483
00:37:38.800 --> 00:37:48.160
that's preparing you for your spirit mate, okay?

484
00:37:48.160 --> 00:37:54.480
And again, like we're not looking for perfect performance out of people, perfect faith out

485
00:37:54.480 --> 00:37:58.560
of somebody, perfect, you know, spiritual walk out of somebody.

486
00:37:58.560 --> 00:38:04.480
I mean, if we had to look at ourselves, like would we say we've done that perfectly?

487
00:38:04.480 --> 00:38:15.000
I know myself, I haven't always done it perfectly, so we don't want to misrepresent and look

488
00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:17.080
at what that, you know, can be.

489
00:38:17.080 --> 00:38:23.160
We want to look for shared values and a willingness to grow.

490
00:38:23.160 --> 00:38:26.200
Are your values shared?

491
00:38:26.200 --> 00:38:31.080
You are going to want someone who believes in Jesus.

492
00:38:31.080 --> 00:38:39.640
Do you align with your beliefs that Jesus is your savior?

493
00:38:39.640 --> 00:38:41.000
That's important.

494
00:38:41.000 --> 00:38:49.960
There are some key rooted things that, yes, I want to encourage you to be looking for

495
00:38:49.960 --> 00:38:58.520
that, but we're not going to be rigid and being like this is a checklist.

496
00:38:58.520 --> 00:39:03.480
Tips for adapting these socializing meeting guys in person, if you meet them at church.

497
00:39:03.480 --> 00:39:07.560
So obviously if you're meeting them at church, you're going to, they're obviously at church,

498
00:39:07.560 --> 00:39:08.560
okay?

499
00:39:08.560 --> 00:39:09.560
So that's the thing.

500
00:39:09.560 --> 00:39:10.560
And then meet up.

501
00:39:10.560 --> 00:39:14.920
Again, the meet up, you are going to, if you want, when you're meeting them and you're

502
00:39:14.920 --> 00:39:20.000
talking to them organically, bringing up your faith is okay.

503
00:39:20.000 --> 00:39:24.920
You know, tell me, tell me something that you're passionate about in your life.

504
00:39:24.960 --> 00:39:28.600
And that's a question that you're asking them and then they're going to share what they're

505
00:39:28.600 --> 00:39:29.600
passionate about.

506
00:39:29.600 --> 00:39:31.240
And you'd be like, Oh, I really love hearing that.

507
00:39:31.240 --> 00:39:37.080
You know, something that I'm passionate about is, you know, helping out at my church and

508
00:39:37.080 --> 00:39:39.680
the volunteer work that we do.

509
00:39:39.680 --> 00:39:45.640
Like that's really something that is really, you know, it, it hits to my core, it gets

510
00:39:45.640 --> 00:39:51.480
to my heart, like, and it's something that I've really been focusing on a lot lately.

511
00:39:51.480 --> 00:39:55.640
It's, you know, part of my life, like this is what I do every week.

512
00:39:55.640 --> 00:40:00.000
And you see how you kind of integrated in there.

513
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.000
naturally and

514
00:40:02.080 --> 00:40:08.840
Then you get to kind of see how they engage and react and you may or may not see right off hand

515
00:40:11.040 --> 00:40:14.980
Where they're at with that and that's okay because right now you're just looking

516
00:40:16.200 --> 00:40:18.640
Do I enjoy getting to know this person?

517
00:40:20.120 --> 00:40:25.240
What fruit am I seeing and is it a yes and until it's no

518
00:40:26.880 --> 00:40:28.880
Okay, let's keep moving on here

519
00:40:30.240 --> 00:40:34.160
You definitely want to share what you're looking for on your profile, okay

520
00:40:36.040 --> 00:40:42.120
But in a way that it's gonna invite alignment not in a way that it's gonna be like a checklist or a screening

521
00:40:42.880 --> 00:40:44.880
Okay

522
00:40:44.960 --> 00:40:50.840
So I would say like focusing more on like relationship like what kind of relationship you want to experience

523
00:40:51.600 --> 00:40:55.760
Just not a list of traits. Like you're not gonna want to sit here and say you have got to be six five

524
00:40:56.280 --> 00:41:00.320
Well, that would be really tall if you're really tall then I could understand that like you have to be

525
00:41:00.320 --> 00:41:05.960
You know certain high you need to be athletic. You need to be you know, like not these checklist things

526
00:41:06.440 --> 00:41:10.000
you have to be financially secure and have a set job like

527
00:41:10.840 --> 00:41:17.840
Yes, you're gonna want to see that maturity in them because that's part of the what we talked about being married

528
00:41:17.840 --> 00:41:19.840
You know the three M's

529
00:41:20.360 --> 00:41:21.840
But

530
00:41:21.840 --> 00:41:26.400
You're gonna be wanting like what at the core are you looking for?

531
00:41:27.480 --> 00:41:32.440
You know, are you looking for a relationship that has consistency?

532
00:41:33.200 --> 00:41:35.200
open communication

533
00:41:35.200 --> 00:41:37.560
Someone who genuinely wants to do life

534
00:41:38.360 --> 00:41:40.360
with someone I

535
00:41:42.040 --> 00:41:47.160
Want a relationship that is centered on the person being my best friend

536
00:41:49.000 --> 00:41:51.000
That I can share and be open to

537
00:41:51.840 --> 00:41:53.840
You can be vulnerable with

538
00:41:55.680 --> 00:42:01.200
That's my goal like that's what I would like to find at

539
00:42:02.600 --> 00:42:07.600
By Cummings on this on this journey, and it doesn't mean that I'm gonna find it right away

540
00:42:07.600 --> 00:42:10.280
But I'm that's what I'm looking for

541
00:42:10.960 --> 00:42:16.760
you know, we're not gonna sit here and do these long paragraphs and these manifestos of you know,

542
00:42:17.600 --> 00:42:20.160
You don't want to get overly detailed, but just you know

543
00:42:20.720 --> 00:42:25.520
One or two lines of what do you naturally want to want to have?

544
00:42:26.440 --> 00:42:30.040
You know, you want to phrase things also positively

545
00:42:31.480 --> 00:42:33.480
so avoid the

546
00:42:34.160 --> 00:42:39.720
No drama, I don't want drama like anything that has a negative in it remove it

547
00:42:41.000 --> 00:42:47.240
Okay, don't message me if you did it. Okay, we want to be positive

548
00:42:47.840 --> 00:42:50.880
Because when we start listing the negatives

549
00:42:53.360 --> 00:42:56.880
Guess what? That sounds like you got a lot of wounds and

550
00:42:58.280 --> 00:43:00.280
healthy mature

551
00:43:00.600 --> 00:43:04.000
Masculine marriage minded men. They're gonna see that and they're gonna be like

552
00:43:05.040 --> 00:43:10.360
Doesn't sound like she's really fully healed. It sounds like she's got some some stuff that she's

553
00:43:11.120 --> 00:43:14.680
Kind of carrying with her that she's still hurt by

554
00:43:14.680 --> 00:43:16.680
So we want to be positive

555
00:43:17.480 --> 00:43:21.360
Okay, so we don't want to be like look I'm looking for

556
00:43:22.720 --> 00:43:24.720
You know

557
00:43:25.280 --> 00:43:31.200
Someone who is going to be, you know, have integrity and honesty and you know

558
00:43:31.200 --> 00:43:35.640
Be be willing to be vulnerable and and share, you know

559
00:43:36.400 --> 00:43:38.400
life together

560
00:43:38.440 --> 00:43:40.440
be best friends with

561
00:43:40.440 --> 00:43:45.080
You know someone who's gonna be emotionally available and who's going to communicate well

562
00:43:46.120 --> 00:43:48.120
That's what I'm looking for

563
00:43:49.400 --> 00:43:51.400
Okay

564
00:43:58.600 --> 00:44:01.320
I'm making sure that I'm not skipping anything

565
00:44:05.800 --> 00:44:07.800
Make sure that you're not

566
00:44:08.800 --> 00:44:12.520
You make sure that your profile ladies matches

567
00:44:15.160 --> 00:44:16.400
With

568
00:44:16.400 --> 00:44:20.960
What you're sharing in your words, so like your photos your tone your energy

569
00:44:20.960 --> 00:44:25.240
It actually should reflect who you are like make sure

570
00:44:26.440 --> 00:44:29.680
Your profile actually matches who you are. Does that make sense?

571
00:44:32.240 --> 00:44:34.240
If you're bubbly

572
00:44:35.000 --> 00:44:37.000
Like

573
00:44:37.000 --> 00:44:39.000
It's not gonna sound monotone

574
00:44:39.600 --> 00:44:41.760
All right, it's not gonna sound scripted

575
00:44:42.800 --> 00:44:44.800
All right

576
00:44:45.600 --> 00:44:51.240
So if you are if you've got a little bit of a sense of humor you're gonna have a little sense of humor in

577
00:44:51.240 --> 00:44:53.240
There okay

578
00:44:54.680 --> 00:44:56.680
Also leave room for discovery

579
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:11.200
You know, don't overdo this, like, my ideal person is this, like, be clear enough to attract

580
00:45:11.200 --> 00:45:20.680
the right people, like, be open enough that it's going to develop, like, that you're leaving

581
00:45:20.680 --> 00:45:25.160
room for something to develop.

582
00:45:25.160 --> 00:45:30.240
There's something intriguing about that.

583
00:45:30.240 --> 00:45:35.880
You know, like, for example, like, I'm at a place where I'm ready for a meaningful relationship,

584
00:45:35.880 --> 00:45:39.840
so something grounded, fun, and built on good communication.

585
00:45:39.840 --> 00:45:43.960
So all right, see you later, Laura.

586
00:45:43.960 --> 00:45:49.280
So you want something grounded, but it also shows, like, you are someone fun and likes

587
00:45:49.280 --> 00:45:50.600
adventure maybe.

588
00:45:50.960 --> 00:45:59.760
Like, it needs to align with who you are.

589
00:45:59.760 --> 00:46:05.320
In your profile, I want you to show your emotional availability.

590
00:46:05.320 --> 00:46:12.040
You know, you can include subtle cues that you're open and ready.

591
00:46:12.040 --> 00:46:19.840
Like, I value communication and consistency, I appreciate honesty.

592
00:46:19.840 --> 00:46:27.080
And when someone, you know, especially with someone who shows up, it shows to people

593
00:46:27.080 --> 00:46:35.960
that you're not guarded, that you're available for something that's actually real, okay?

594
00:46:35.960 --> 00:46:43.800
There can be language in our profiles that will signal that we are not emotionally available.

595
00:46:43.800 --> 00:46:55.160
And also, as you read men's profiles, you will become aware of what that looks like

596
00:46:55.160 --> 00:46:59.160
on a man's profile.

597
00:46:59.160 --> 00:47:02.600
You know, definitely add your personality.

598
00:47:02.600 --> 00:47:07.720
You know, don't always, like, again, if you are someone who has a sense of humor, definitely

599
00:47:07.720 --> 00:47:13.760
bring that to the table, but we don't want to overdo it, okay?

600
00:47:13.760 --> 00:47:16.000
Don't hide behind your humor.

601
00:47:16.000 --> 00:47:21.680
Like, you can have a sense of humor, but if that's all you're showing up, typically when

602
00:47:21.680 --> 00:47:26.960
we hide behind humor, that's a signal that we're kind of, like, there's an insecurity

603
00:47:26.960 --> 00:47:27.960
there.

604
00:47:27.960 --> 00:47:31.720
Like, we're not really comfortable in our skin, so we're kind of being sarcastic, if

605
00:47:31.720 --> 00:47:33.280
you will.

606
00:47:33.280 --> 00:47:37.360
Like, make sure that the tone sounds like you.

607
00:47:38.000 --> 00:47:43.840
Like, you can say, I'm equal parts structured and spontaneous, okay?

608
00:47:43.840 --> 00:47:46.360
You can give examples of what that might look like.

609
00:47:46.360 --> 00:47:51.680
Like, hey, I'm a great planner.

610
00:47:51.680 --> 00:47:58.520
You know, I'm your go-to person when, you know, you're planning a weekend trip with

611
00:47:58.520 --> 00:47:59.520
friends.

612
00:47:59.520 --> 00:48:07.040
However, I can still, you know, laugh when things don't go as planned.

613
00:48:07.040 --> 00:48:11.200
I mean, obviously, these are things that you're going to say if that's actually who you are.

614
00:48:11.200 --> 00:48:14.400
Okay, gotcha, Nadine.

615
00:48:14.400 --> 00:48:18.240
Yes, you can go last.

616
00:48:18.240 --> 00:48:22.280
Yes, and I have to look for your video.

617
00:48:22.280 --> 00:48:29.200
My videos haven't been playing recently, so, but I did see, and I did respond to you, Nadine.

618
00:48:29.880 --> 00:48:35.920
So, yeah, you definitely want authenticity to create your connection and not performance.

619
00:48:35.920 --> 00:48:38.000
Like, you're not trying to perform.

620
00:48:38.000 --> 00:48:41.000
You're just trying to show up as who you are.

621
00:48:41.000 --> 00:48:42.680
Photos.

622
00:48:42.680 --> 00:48:51.600
You want your photos to match your life, okay?

623
00:48:51.600 --> 00:48:55.600
Your photos have just about as much weight as your words.

624
00:48:56.600 --> 00:49:00.600
Especially, I mean, let's be real.

625
00:49:00.600 --> 00:49:04.600
Like, even when we're scrolling, ladies, we're looking at those photos.

626
00:49:04.600 --> 00:49:09.440
I don't know about you, but when I was scrolling those photos and I get men in their selfies

627
00:49:09.440 --> 00:49:15.840
and their, like, shirtless, you know, selfie shots and in the gym, like, that just was

628
00:49:15.840 --> 00:49:18.480
not, I was just like, I'm not.

629
00:49:18.480 --> 00:49:21.840
That was often, like, not something I was attracted to.

630
00:49:21.840 --> 00:49:35.680
I mean, it would take a very, like, sincere, authentic, intentional, written profile that

631
00:49:35.680 --> 00:49:51.080
wasn't, like, AI'd to make me possibly, like, maybe 1% swipe right and kind of give a little

632
00:49:51.320 --> 00:49:53.320
grace on a photo like that.

633
00:49:53.320 --> 00:49:59.320
But majority of the time when I saw that, I'm like, yeah, that's not what I'm looking for.

634
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.140
I'm not looking for that, all right?

635
00:50:03.140 --> 00:50:07.280
I'm looking for, and men are gonna be looking for, ladies,

636
00:50:07.280 --> 00:50:11.200
and you are probably looking for, you know,

637
00:50:13.160 --> 00:50:15.060
what's that first impression?

638
00:50:15.060 --> 00:50:17.300
Does it show the real you?

639
00:50:18.480 --> 00:50:23.480
Like, is it, if you're talking about your lifestyle,

640
00:50:23.480 --> 00:50:27.400
you're talking about your lifestyle,

641
00:50:27.400 --> 00:50:32.400
do your pictures represent your lifestyle, okay?

642
00:50:36.140 --> 00:50:39.280
That first photo, you're gonna want to be a clear,

643
00:50:39.280 --> 00:50:41.920
good lighting, natural expression.

644
00:50:41.920 --> 00:50:44.680
You don't want sunglasses in that first shot.

645
00:50:44.680 --> 00:50:46.920
Just like an approachable headshot,

646
00:50:46.920 --> 00:50:48.400
something that's inviting.

647
00:50:49.280 --> 00:50:54.280
You definitely want to include a full body shot, okay?

648
00:50:54.720 --> 00:50:58.200
And this isn't for vanity.

649
00:50:58.200 --> 00:51:00.600
It's just literally for transparency.

650
00:51:00.600 --> 00:51:02.080
I mean, ladies, let's be real.

651
00:51:02.080 --> 00:51:06.720
The last thing that we want when you all are looking

652
00:51:06.720 --> 00:51:09.800
is seeing outdated photos,

653
00:51:10.800 --> 00:51:13.100
maybe just some photos of the head up,

654
00:51:13.100 --> 00:51:14.720
and then you get on the date

655
00:51:14.720 --> 00:51:17.460
and they look nothing like the photos.

656
00:51:18.480 --> 00:51:22.320
They might be 50 pounds heavier in real life

657
00:51:22.320 --> 00:51:26.820
than what you feel like was shown on their profile photo,

658
00:51:28.440 --> 00:51:32.960
or maybe they've, you know, lost a lot of weight

659
00:51:32.960 --> 00:51:36.380
and they just, like, they don't look the same,

660
00:51:36.380 --> 00:51:37.220
and you're just like,

661
00:51:37.220 --> 00:51:39.560
that's not really what I was anticipating.

662
00:51:39.560 --> 00:51:42.320
There's gonna be a little bit of a,

663
00:51:42.320 --> 00:51:45.560
you're gonna go into that meeting, that person,

664
00:51:45.560 --> 00:51:47.320
and be a little setback.

665
00:51:47.320 --> 00:51:48.760
So you want your photo,

666
00:51:48.760 --> 00:51:51.960
you don't want your photos to set somebody back.

667
00:51:51.960 --> 00:51:56.640
So it actually, a lot of women,

668
00:51:56.640 --> 00:51:58.040
and I've heard this,

669
00:51:58.040 --> 00:52:03.040
they will get concerned about trusting a person

670
00:52:05.560 --> 00:52:08.200
because their photos don't match what they look like.

671
00:52:09.080 --> 00:52:13.120
So I encourage you ladies to post photos

672
00:52:13.120 --> 00:52:14.920
of what you actually look like.

673
00:52:14.920 --> 00:52:16.480
You also do not want photos

674
00:52:16.480 --> 00:52:20.080
that leave people guessing which one is you.

675
00:52:21.240 --> 00:52:23.300
What do you really look like?

676
00:52:23.300 --> 00:52:24.140
Who are you?

677
00:52:24.140 --> 00:52:25.780
Now, if in your profile,

678
00:52:25.780 --> 00:52:28.200
you talk about being a very social person

679
00:52:28.200 --> 00:52:30.220
and being out in groups,

680
00:52:30.220 --> 00:52:34.100
then you can include a picture,

681
00:52:34.100 --> 00:52:37.600
I would say one, no more than two,

682
00:52:37.600 --> 00:52:39.460
of you in a group of people,

683
00:52:39.460 --> 00:52:41.880
because that's your lifestyle.

684
00:52:41.880 --> 00:52:43.320
But if you do that,

685
00:52:43.320 --> 00:52:45.600
make sure that there's not a question about

686
00:52:46.880 --> 00:52:48.100
like which one's you.

687
00:52:49.920 --> 00:52:54.920
You don't want people not sure of who you are.

688
00:52:55.660 --> 00:52:56.500
Make sense?

689
00:52:59.120 --> 00:53:03.320
Obviously, recent photos.

690
00:53:03.320 --> 00:53:04.780
You don't want,

691
00:53:07.360 --> 00:53:12.360
you don't want filters.

692
00:53:13.800 --> 00:53:16.120
Okay, heavy filters especially,

693
00:53:16.120 --> 00:53:17.520
because again, they're gonna show up

694
00:53:17.520 --> 00:53:19.380
and then you're not gonna look like that.

695
00:53:19.380 --> 00:53:20.220
All right.

696
00:53:21.800 --> 00:53:24.500
You don't want to feel like there's that misalignment.

697
00:53:26.920 --> 00:53:31.180
You don't want these over curated try hard photos,

698
00:53:31.180 --> 00:53:33.080
like those glamor shot photos,

699
00:53:33.080 --> 00:53:34.680
unless that's part of your life.

700
00:53:34.680 --> 00:53:39.280
And I say that because we have a handful of women,

701
00:53:39.280 --> 00:53:41.520
like a couple that are coming to mind

702
00:53:41.560 --> 00:53:45.000
that one in particular, she's been in the program.

703
00:53:45.960 --> 00:53:49.000
She probably came a couple years after me.

704
00:53:49.000 --> 00:53:51.680
She actually does beauty pageants.

705
00:53:52.840 --> 00:53:56.120
So like that's her life.

706
00:53:56.120 --> 00:53:58.120
So when she posts photos,

707
00:53:58.120 --> 00:54:02.020
like she does have photos of her at her pageants,

708
00:54:02.020 --> 00:54:03.800
because that's part of her life.

709
00:54:03.800 --> 00:54:05.920
It's part of her, like what she does.

710
00:54:05.920 --> 00:54:10.920
Like she has certain things

711
00:54:10.920 --> 00:54:13.240
that are just really near and dear to her heart

712
00:54:13.240 --> 00:54:15.880
about like what she,

713
00:54:15.880 --> 00:54:17.600
like what's the word I'm looking for,

714
00:54:17.600 --> 00:54:20.720
like philanthropy work.

715
00:54:20.720 --> 00:54:24.720
And so she shares that with her pageants and stuff.

716
00:54:24.720 --> 00:54:27.800
And so that shows up.

717
00:54:27.800 --> 00:54:32.280
So if that's you, then yes, that's understandable.

718
00:54:32.280 --> 00:54:37.280
But if like these overly done up photos,

719
00:54:37.640 --> 00:54:38.800
like you don't want,

720
00:54:39.360 --> 00:54:41.720
it might be nice to put one photo up there

721
00:54:41.720 --> 00:54:45.000
if like you have a professional business photo

722
00:54:45.000 --> 00:54:48.080
or something that you had to get professionally done

723
00:54:48.080 --> 00:54:50.280
and that you just really love how you look there.

724
00:54:50.280 --> 00:54:53.920
And when you actually do put yourself together,

725
00:54:53.920 --> 00:54:55.320
like it looks like you.

726
00:54:56.080 --> 00:55:01.080
For example, like my professional photos,

727
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.480
photo I often when I get ready I typically am not wearing my glasses and I will typically curl my

728
00:55:01.600 --> 00:55:03.160
I have a lot of them.

729
00:55:03.160 --> 00:55:04.000
I have a lot of them.

730
00:55:04.000 --> 00:55:04.840
I have a lot of them.

731
00:55:04.840 --> 00:55:05.660
I have a lot of them.

732
00:55:05.660 --> 00:55:06.500
I have a lot of them.

733
00:55:06.480 --> 00:55:13.760
hair and I will add makeup and it looks like me okay is that how I show up all the time no but

734
00:55:06.500 --> 00:55:07.340
I have a lot of them.

735
00:55:13.760 --> 00:55:19.200
can I include that photo in a an online profile but then also include photos of what I look like

736
00:55:19.200 --> 00:55:27.360
on a regular absolutely but you don't want all the glamour shot photos all the done up photos

737
00:55:27.360 --> 00:55:34.160
if that's not really what you show up like all the time it's okay like my husband when he was

738
00:55:34.160 --> 00:55:40.400
dating me wanted natural like shots of me and I actually he's like I want to see a picture because

739
00:55:40.400 --> 00:55:45.200
when I was not well he's like I'm gonna I'm gonna see a photo of you with you being sick because

740
00:55:45.760 --> 00:55:53.040
when we first started chatting like I was under the weather and he's like well let me see a photo

741
00:55:53.040 --> 00:55:58.480
and I don't typically send photos like that but I was like something was like you know what it's

742
00:55:58.480 --> 00:56:04.560
harmless and I'm like eventually if this is my person you'll see see what I look like with no

743
00:56:04.560 --> 00:56:10.560
makeup and and it's not coming out my nose I mean obviously I was not like sending him a nasty look

744
00:56:10.560 --> 00:56:15.680
I mean I still try to like angle it right you know but I didn't have makeup on my hair was

745
00:56:15.680 --> 00:56:23.360
probably not washed for a couple days um I had my glasses on and um see you later Kathleen um

746
00:56:23.360 --> 00:56:28.880
definitely post in your um I think she just jumped off hopefully hopefully she's listed her question

747
00:56:28.880 --> 00:56:34.800
because I know she had something to share um and I'm almost done here so then we can take questions

748
00:56:34.800 --> 00:56:44.400
so um so yeah like don't do excessive selfies all right anything that feels like a performance

749
00:56:44.400 --> 00:56:50.720
just eliminate that natural candid relaxed photos is going to actually build trust and connection

750
00:56:51.360 --> 00:56:56.400
um and then you can even add a photo that's going to be a conversation starter so something that

751
00:56:56.400 --> 00:57:03.680
might be like a travel moment um maybe a specific hobby that's interesting um something that was

752
00:57:03.680 --> 00:57:08.720
unique like a unique setting or a unique place that you went that you have a picture of um with

753
00:57:08.720 --> 00:57:16.080
you in it um that way if they message you there is like some conversation starter there okay um

754
00:57:16.080 --> 00:57:20.320
and so that's the next the next thing that conversation starter you know when you're

755
00:57:20.320 --> 00:57:27.360
adding into your profile don't be afraid to you know put something in there like

756
00:57:28.960 --> 00:57:36.080
that prompts them with something to ask you about so like for example if you are someone who enjoys

757
00:57:36.080 --> 00:57:49.840
traveling then you can say hey you know ask me about the one time that I um got on the wrong

758
00:57:49.840 --> 00:57:56.720
flight to a different city like whatever I mean I don't know if that's actually can happen now but

759
00:57:56.720 --> 00:58:03.920
you know something that would have that is a story that you can share like someone's gonna ask you

760
00:58:03.920 --> 00:58:10.240
okay so I have to know about this tell me more about this and it's a way for you to kind of share

761
00:58:10.240 --> 00:58:18.400
something unique about yourself so don't be afraid to put that in there um and then um

762
00:58:20.000 --> 00:58:26.480
and the last thing I want to share with you ladies is just the final mindset shift

763
00:58:27.280 --> 00:58:31.360
um your profile is not going to be about like being liked by everyone

764
00:58:31.520 --> 00:58:41.760
okay um you you're really just wanting to attract and wreck like have someone that's the right person

765
00:58:41.760 --> 00:58:48.400
recognize you okay and so when you're writing your profile it's not about like does this sound

766
00:58:48.400 --> 00:58:56.640
impressive it's more like does this really feel like it represents who I am like does this reflect

767
00:58:57.600 --> 00:59:00.560
like does this reflect the kind of relationship that I want

768
00:59:02.400 --> 00:59:11.040
is it authentic all right um so I want you ladies this week part of your activation is

769
00:59:11.040 --> 00:59:17.680
looking at your online profile or if you haven't created one create one if you're not doing online

770
00:59:17.680 --> 00:59:24.160
dating then you're going to create like some sort of um you know relationship like prompt

771
00:59:24.160 --> 00:59:29.920
to share with your friends and family um but if you are looking at your current profile I want you

772
00:59:29.920 --> 00:59:38.320
to ask like is there anything I can change in my profile that can like give it a little facelift

773
00:59:39.040 --> 00:59:45.280
okay can I be more clarifying in my profile is there some better photos that I can put

774
00:59:45.920 --> 00:59:51.520
and am I being maybe too general and generic and that I need to be a little bit more specific

775
00:59:51.520 --> 00:59:59.360
um then you know maybe you might need to express a better way to

776
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.760
Like what it what it is that you want. So I want you to start there and

777
01:00:04.760 --> 01:00:06.760
Be thinking about that. So

778
01:00:08.040 --> 01:00:11.280
So you're just you're either creating a new online profile

779
01:00:11.280 --> 01:00:19.040
You're you're giving your your current one a facelift a little little revamp or like a relationship readiness

780
01:00:19.640 --> 01:00:21.640
message for

781
01:00:22.040 --> 01:00:24.560
Your friends and family sound good

782
01:00:27.320 --> 01:00:29.320
And then you guys can share that in the app

783
01:00:30.040 --> 01:00:34.240
So this isn't about creating perfect profiles. Remember that it's not about perfection

784
01:00:35.040 --> 01:00:38.320
It's it's really about creating honest clear

785
01:00:40.280 --> 01:00:46.020
What who you are and what you're looking for so that the right person is gonna recognize you

786
01:00:46.640 --> 01:00:50.840
Okay, because the last thing you want is attracting people that are out of alignment with with you

787
01:00:51.440 --> 01:00:57.800
Okay, and so I'm gonna quickly I see you still got some hands. We've got about you know, 30 35 minutes here

788
01:00:58.520 --> 01:01:04.320
I'm gonna go through some of the the chat here. I think I answered Patty's that's good

789
01:01:05.560 --> 01:01:06.840
I

790
01:01:06.840 --> 01:01:08.840
Did see something

791
01:01:12.480 --> 01:01:18.760
Okay, I got Kathleen so I'm gonna look through hers here in a moment I did see something and I don't think she's on here

792
01:01:21.160 --> 01:01:24.420
Using chat GBT cheap GPT, okay

793
01:01:25.380 --> 01:01:31.340
I've thought about this Ebony and I've actually had conversation about this. I

794
01:01:32.380 --> 01:01:34.380
I

795
01:01:34.660 --> 01:01:37.100
Really like using chat

796
01:01:38.420 --> 01:01:43.060
GPT or a way to polish something

797
01:01:44.940 --> 01:01:50.780
But I wouldn't encourage you to have it create your profile I

798
01:01:50.780 --> 01:01:55.980
Would rather see that you've created something and then you've thrown it in and then it

799
01:01:56.300 --> 01:02:00.500
Polishes it so that it reads a little more organized. Does that make sense?

800
01:02:01.020 --> 01:02:02.260
So someone was like hey

801
01:02:02.260 --> 01:02:09.300
You can use use chat to make sure the profile sounds feminine short brief and explains you but you're gonna have to be

802
01:02:10.060 --> 01:02:14.740
specific and you're gonna have to build out something and

803
01:02:14.740 --> 01:02:19.780
So what you can do is you could take what your profile is and literally copy-paste it and

804
01:02:20.380 --> 01:02:27.060
Ask it to polish it make it sound, you know, make it shorter make it brief make it

805
01:02:27.060 --> 01:02:34.380
you know be a little more feminine, but here's the thing if you struggle with being feminine and

806
01:02:35.260 --> 01:02:37.980
That's something that the Lord is really working with you on

807
01:02:39.020 --> 01:02:41.660
if you are writing a profile

808
01:02:42.020 --> 01:02:49.300
If you are writing a profile that is going to read like you're very feminine

809
01:02:49.300 --> 01:02:52.860
Is that who's gonna show up when you meet in person?

810
01:02:56.500 --> 01:02:58.500
Think about that

811
01:02:58.940 --> 01:03:00.780
But those are the kinds of questions

812
01:03:00.780 --> 01:03:07.460
I want you to ask yourself when you are if you're using some sort of AI to kind of help guide you I

813
01:03:08.060 --> 01:03:12.540
Really want to encourage that you spend time

814
01:03:15.620 --> 01:03:23.420
Really writing about yourself and the reason I say that is because that in of itself

815
01:03:25.940 --> 01:03:28.620
Can be a door of healing

816
01:03:32.020 --> 01:03:36.660
It really does open up you to sit there and reflect

817
01:03:37.580 --> 01:03:39.580
on yourself in your heart and

818
01:03:40.020 --> 01:03:43.740
so that process of you sitting with that

819
01:03:44.620 --> 01:03:46.620
can actually unlock and

820
01:03:47.620 --> 01:03:49.020
highlight

821
01:03:49.020 --> 01:03:52.220
anything that the Lord wants to walk you through and

822
01:03:53.020 --> 01:03:55.020
so

823
01:03:55.020 --> 01:03:59.300
I'm glad she said that because that was something that I even was chatting with

824
01:04:00.300 --> 01:04:06.100
Ebony with I'm like, hey, I know we've talked about this before because we she and I have talked about

825
01:04:07.020 --> 01:04:09.020
This and I was like, I

826
01:04:09.420 --> 01:04:13.420
don't like I really do feel led to share with you ladies like

827
01:04:14.100 --> 01:04:16.100
let's refrain from

828
01:04:17.860 --> 01:04:23.060
Using like an AI to develop our profile

829
01:04:24.780 --> 01:04:26.780
Sit with it and

830
01:04:27.140 --> 01:04:35.300
you can even ask friends to help you because they know who you are your close friends and then if you want to use a

831
01:04:36.100 --> 01:04:41.380
Like an AI to polish it that for sure, but it needs to sound like you

832
01:04:43.180 --> 01:04:45.180
Like you wrote it

833
01:04:46.020 --> 01:04:49.980
Like it's you talking about yourself, okay

834
01:04:54.820 --> 01:04:59.740
Karen okay, I will look at that my my app has been like

835
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:08.480
crashing a lot lately on my desktop so I will be diving into that these next

836
01:05:08.480 --> 01:05:13.080
several days and trying to get myself like caught up and hopefully troubleshoot

837
01:05:13.080 --> 01:05:21.160
what's going on. I've used it yes to help you form ideas and change words to make

838
01:05:21.160 --> 01:05:27.280
it yes exactly using it to kind of tighten up your words that you've

839
01:05:27.280 --> 01:05:33.280
already written absolutely that's always helpful I do that like with my emails

840
01:05:33.280 --> 01:05:43.080
especially like my kids teachers like I got three kids and sometimes I can be

841
01:05:43.080 --> 01:05:52.080
very like I'm on a mission and I'm very like go get it done like and my emails

842
01:05:52.080 --> 01:05:59.120
to to their teachers can sound rigid and sound like harsh and I used to be a

843
01:05:59.120 --> 01:06:07.200
teacher and I'm like I need to like really track the tone and so I'll put

844
01:06:07.200 --> 01:06:11.360
what I I'll type up an email and then I'll copy and paste it mean like you

845
01:06:11.360 --> 01:06:17.560
know polish this and then I might need it to make it sound a little softer or

846
01:06:17.560 --> 01:06:22.800
more make it sound like I'm wanting to partner with them and not like feel like

847
01:06:22.800 --> 01:06:25.840
I'm coming against them like that I'm frustrated with something that they did

848
01:06:25.840 --> 01:06:32.200
or like I want their support and like you know holding my kids accountable to

849
01:06:32.200 --> 01:06:37.560
something like I want to partner with them and so that is something that I've

850
01:06:37.560 --> 01:06:45.360
used it for so that is one thing okay so I'm gonna go read through Kathleen and

851
01:06:45.360 --> 01:06:52.320
then I've got I know Nadine wants to go last Teresa I got Teresa I got Karen I

852
01:06:52.320 --> 01:06:57.040
got Kelly and I've got Gail and then I'll go Nadine so I'm gonna write those

853
01:06:57.040 --> 01:07:01.240
down in that order so that I don't forget because things pop around I don't

854
01:07:01.240 --> 01:07:05.640
know why all of a sudden my screen just jumps from one person to the next so I

855
01:07:05.640 --> 01:07:20.480
said what Teresa Karen Kelly Gail and Nadine okay actually Gail and Karen were

856
01:07:20.480 --> 01:07:25.920
before me if you want to do that Carla that's fine okay okay got it so we'll go

857
01:07:25.920 --> 01:07:36.800
Karen I'm gonna go Karen Kelly Gail Teresa Nadine okay Karen Kelly Gail

858
01:07:36.800 --> 01:07:43.120
Teresa I think Gail was before me okay well let's just stick with what I got

859
01:07:43.120 --> 01:07:49.680
there because it's all swapped on mine as well and then I'm because I also need

860
01:07:49.680 --> 01:07:53.960
to make time to read over Kathleen's so that way she watches it and replay we

861
01:07:53.960 --> 01:08:01.120
can kind of attack her her profile and so I think that'll be good so that if

862
01:08:01.120 --> 01:08:05.960
she goes back and watches that then we can give her some feedback there and I

863
01:08:05.960 --> 01:08:16.920
think that is that is it okay all right so Karen yes how are you okay I'm doing

864
01:08:16.920 --> 01:08:20.760
well I'm doing well good in the process I gotta go back and look at your stuff

865
01:08:20.760 --> 01:08:27.000
yeah um when it kind of give me it just like a brief synopsis here like let's

866
01:08:27.000 --> 01:08:33.680
like three minutes here yeah I got it here basically I'm asking for feedback

867
01:08:33.680 --> 01:08:39.960
I on a dream and information about a man just discerning concerning what to do

868
01:08:39.960 --> 01:08:44.640
about him okay I don't I don't know if you want me I'll just let's do let's do

869
01:08:44.640 --> 01:08:49.319
the thing on the man because with dreams I typically have to sit with Holy

870
01:08:49.319 --> 01:08:58.319
Spirit okay and sometimes like I sometimes dreams I don't interpret

871
01:08:58.319 --> 01:09:03.800
dreams like very clearly unless God is really specific like I'll know if God's

872
01:09:03.800 --> 01:09:09.240
speaking something or not does that make sense right I don't want to like I like

873
01:09:09.240 --> 01:09:14.479
to sit with that a little bit and spend time with that so let's talk about but

874
01:09:14.479 --> 01:09:18.600
you said you put the thing of the dream did you put that in the and I put it all

875
01:09:18.600 --> 01:09:24.399
yes I put it all in okay and then two separate posts okay so let's let's go

876
01:09:24.399 --> 01:09:30.800
for this guy like what you're discerning with this gentleman yes and and and the

877
01:09:30.800 --> 01:09:36.359
reason I just one sentence about the dream was just I just unexpected just

878
01:09:36.359 --> 01:09:41.479
sensed I needed to get to know him better okay so it was the main point you

879
01:09:41.479 --> 01:09:46.399
know it was a pretty clear dream okay but I'm going slow because I want to be

880
01:09:46.399 --> 01:09:52.880
wise so so the part about the man the reasons I decided it wasn't best for me

881
01:09:52.880 --> 01:09:57.440
to continue dating him okay although I would have enjoyed him as a friend is

882
01:09:57.440 --> 01:10:01.160
what I finally realized is what I realized

883
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.800
After three in-person dates, he has lots of good qualities,

884
01:10:03.800 --> 01:10:06.480
like mature and just all kinds of things.

885
01:10:08.000 --> 01:10:09.920
One of them, you know, the first thing,

886
01:10:09.920 --> 01:10:13.560
the main thing is just him being unaware

887
01:10:13.560 --> 01:10:16.080
of a number of people feeling uncomfortable with him

888
01:10:16.080 --> 01:10:20.860
when he's, he was like doing a kind of witnessing thing.

889
01:10:22.320 --> 01:10:26.160
Okay, so I noticed that he was not aware of it.

890
01:10:26.160 --> 01:10:28.560
Some other people responded to him well, you know,

891
01:10:28.560 --> 01:10:32.160
he is called as a, you know, evangelist, whatever.

892
01:10:32.160 --> 01:10:35.760
So I was just aware of his, that insensitivity.

893
01:10:35.760 --> 01:10:37.120
So that was one thing.

894
01:10:39.440 --> 01:10:43.120
And yeah, so that was one of the main thing.

895
01:10:43.120 --> 01:10:46.080
Also, he just suddenly put someone down, you know,

896
01:10:46.080 --> 01:10:48.800
in the store who was in one department.

897
01:10:48.800 --> 01:10:50.040
We asked where something was.

898
01:10:50.040 --> 01:10:51.280
It was in another department.

899
01:10:51.280 --> 01:10:55.540
He said, you should know that, you know, in the, you know,

900
01:10:55.540 --> 01:10:58.320
so I'm just into being respectful and considerate.

901
01:10:59.080 --> 01:10:59.920
So he just didn't see himself.

902
01:10:59.920 --> 01:11:03.080
So the number two reason I felt hesitant,

903
01:11:03.080 --> 01:11:04.920
and I'm, I guess I'm looking,

904
01:11:04.920 --> 01:11:07.000
is this yellow flags or red flags?

905
01:11:07.000 --> 01:11:08.800
So number two.

906
01:11:08.800 --> 01:11:10.480
Okay, keep going.

907
01:11:10.480 --> 01:11:11.600
Okay, okay, number two,

908
01:11:11.600 --> 01:11:14.160
he didn't want to pay $12 for a smoothie for me

909
01:11:14.160 --> 01:11:16.720
when we went there because it was too expensive,

910
01:11:16.720 --> 01:11:20.640
but offered to buy the $6 one, you know,

911
01:11:20.640 --> 01:11:22.500
and I wrote in there for perspective,

912
01:11:22.500 --> 01:11:25.480
I think he owns a small home from what I'm aware of,

913
01:11:25.480 --> 01:11:28.720
but doesn't have a dog because it was too expensive.

914
01:11:28.720 --> 01:11:30.960
So he apparently needs to be careful with finances.

915
01:11:30.960 --> 01:11:32.400
So that's number two.

916
01:11:34.280 --> 01:11:36.440
I know there's a balance with all that.

917
01:11:36.440 --> 01:11:37.960
Number three, concerning his health,

918
01:11:37.960 --> 01:11:39.100
he seemed too unhealthy

919
01:11:39.100 --> 01:11:42.520
because of like poor food choices, et cetera,

920
01:11:42.520 --> 01:11:44.560
but he does like play pick a ball

921
01:11:44.560 --> 01:11:47.160
or tennis six days a week, you know,

922
01:11:47.160 --> 01:11:48.600
so I could just tell looking at him,

923
01:11:48.600 --> 01:11:50.720
I was like, hey, you know, there's something,

924
01:11:50.720 --> 01:11:53.560
I don't know, just didn't look good.

925
01:11:53.560 --> 01:11:55.880
And number four, and I know he doesn't,

926
01:11:55.880 --> 01:11:57.280
he's got some unhealthy stuff

927
01:11:57.280 --> 01:12:00.040
and I think he's aware of it to some degree

928
01:12:00.040 --> 01:12:01.520
from some reactions.

929
01:12:01.520 --> 01:12:04.340
And number four, concerning his appearance,

930
01:12:04.340 --> 01:12:06.280
I didn't feel attracted to him physically

931
01:12:06.280 --> 01:12:08.600
on our third date in the store

932
01:12:08.600 --> 01:12:11.880
and realized, you know, I wouldn't want to kiss him.

933
01:12:11.880 --> 01:12:13.320
He just seemed too old

934
01:12:13.320 --> 01:12:15.400
because he has a lot more wrinkles,

935
01:12:15.400 --> 01:12:18.920
but you know, that's not a big deal.

936
01:12:18.920 --> 01:12:20.840
He's about four years older.

937
01:12:20.840 --> 01:12:23.960
So I'm just trying to, I'm going slow.

938
01:12:23.960 --> 01:12:25.280
I want to be wise.

939
01:12:25.280 --> 01:12:29.160
I'm, you know, I just want to, anyway.

940
01:12:29.160 --> 01:12:30.080
Well, I think the good thing

941
01:12:30.080 --> 01:12:32.280
is that you gave it three in-person dates.

942
01:12:32.280 --> 01:12:33.120
Yeah, yeah.

943
01:12:33.120 --> 01:12:34.680
Like that's good, I like that.

944
01:12:34.680 --> 01:12:37.340
And so there were things that you recognized.

945
01:12:38.680 --> 01:12:41.280
And so I don't, like, I think that was wise.

946
01:12:41.280 --> 01:12:42.680
I think that's healthy.

947
01:12:44.120 --> 01:12:47.600
So moving forward, like ways that like,

948
01:12:47.600 --> 01:12:50.500
if this kind of experience happens again,

949
01:12:51.400 --> 01:12:54.640
some wisdom that I would share.

950
01:12:54.640 --> 01:12:58.200
So these would be yellow flags, for sure.

951
01:12:58.200 --> 01:12:59.040
Okay.

952
01:12:59.040 --> 01:13:01.880
Okay, so now when we see these yellow flags

953
01:13:01.880 --> 01:13:04.520
that we're like, oh, that, I don't really like that.

954
01:13:04.520 --> 01:13:06.360
See, you're recognizing what do I like

955
01:13:06.360 --> 01:13:07.840
and what do I not like.

956
01:13:07.840 --> 01:13:10.280
You're recognizing, I really don't like that.

957
01:13:10.280 --> 01:13:12.200
Now you're going to leave with some,

958
01:13:12.200 --> 01:13:14.660
like you're going to get curious.

959
01:13:15.920 --> 01:13:16.760
See?

960
01:13:16.760 --> 01:13:17.580
Yeah.

961
01:13:17.580 --> 01:13:20.120
So now it's like, okay, I don't like that.

962
01:13:20.120 --> 01:13:25.120
I want to learn more about maybe understanding

963
01:13:25.640 --> 01:13:28.840
why that behavior's showing up.

964
01:13:30.160 --> 01:13:32.760
Is it something that they are aware of?

965
01:13:32.760 --> 01:13:37.760
Is it something that it's, that they want to work on?

966
01:13:38.720 --> 01:13:41.160
Are they showing signs?

967
01:13:41.160 --> 01:13:45.960
Is it just, maybe they just really had an irritating day.

968
01:13:45.960 --> 01:13:50.560
Maybe they were just not feeling their greatest

969
01:13:50.560 --> 01:13:52.080
and they just showed up.

970
01:13:52.080 --> 01:13:54.600
I mean, y'all, I have days like that.

971
01:13:55.600 --> 01:13:58.480
Like there's days where I'm just like,

972
01:13:58.480 --> 01:14:00.280
I didn't get much sleep.

973
01:14:00.280 --> 01:14:03.840
I haven't had really anything to eat.

974
01:14:03.840 --> 01:14:07.440
And y'all, if my kids test me,

975
01:14:07.440 --> 01:14:11.080
I'm not going to show up as my best mothering self.

976
01:14:11.080 --> 01:14:13.620
And I'm going to pop off on them.

977
01:14:13.620 --> 01:14:18.140
But that's not what my heart posture is towards my children,

978
01:14:18.980 --> 01:14:23.980
but it can sometimes show up because I'm just in a space

979
01:14:24.940 --> 01:14:27.460
that's something that I'm working on.

980
01:14:28.500 --> 01:14:29.340
Yeah.

981
01:14:29.340 --> 01:14:30.160
Okay.

982
01:14:30.160 --> 01:14:31.820
And so those are things that you're going to get curious

983
01:14:31.820 --> 01:14:32.660
about.

984
01:14:32.660 --> 01:14:33.480
So.

985
01:14:34.480 --> 01:14:37.460
Now I already told him, I didn't want to see him anymore

986
01:14:37.460 --> 01:14:38.300
that I-

987
01:14:38.300 --> 01:14:39.140
Oh, that's fine.

988
01:14:39.140 --> 01:14:39.960
And that's fine.

989
01:14:39.960 --> 01:14:40.800
Absolutely.

990
01:14:40.800 --> 01:14:43.180
In the dream and what I'm sensing to do at this point,

991
01:14:43.580 --> 01:14:47.260
I'm just waiting because I'm going slow is I did in the,

992
01:14:47.260 --> 01:14:50.300
what it came clear is just to get to know him better.

993
01:14:50.300 --> 01:14:53.020
And I don't know for what purpose exactly,

994
01:14:53.020 --> 01:14:55.020
but I just, that was the deep thing.

995
01:14:55.020 --> 01:14:57.460
I mean, I wonder like, could you,

996
01:14:58.780 --> 01:15:00.100
well, so my next.

997
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:06.000
Question would be like when he was evangelizing and he's witnessing to people and you kind of noticed that there was

998
01:15:06.760 --> 01:15:08.800
People were a little uncomfortable with him

999
01:15:09.520 --> 01:15:11.520
Maybe he's unaware of it

1000
01:15:12.360 --> 01:15:14.360
Maybe there was a sensitivity

1001
01:15:14.880 --> 01:15:17.200
I would be curious like

1002
01:15:18.040 --> 01:15:20.300
How long has he done this?

1003
01:15:21.040 --> 01:15:23.040
Is he barely new at?

1004
01:15:23.880 --> 01:15:28.800
This or has he been doing this for decades? I don't know. Yeah, you don't know

1005
01:15:28.800 --> 01:15:33.760
He's generally really good relationally. That's what yeah, some people responded great to him

1006
01:15:34.680 --> 01:15:39.840
And well, and again like you he sees maybe people are responding well to him

1007
01:15:39.840 --> 01:15:45.980
And then you can ask a question of like hey, like I noticed that person

1008
01:15:48.240 --> 01:15:51.880
Said or had this facial expression when you said that like

1009
01:15:52.440 --> 01:15:58.640
What do you do when when like what goes on in your head when when people respond that way and you're

1010
01:15:59.080 --> 01:16:01.080
Witnessing to people. I'm curious

1011
01:16:01.600 --> 01:16:04.160
because it's it's a curiosity because

1012
01:16:05.600 --> 01:16:11.000
You're you are like is he aware of it right thought process

1013
01:16:12.400 --> 01:16:14.400
One does he even recognize it?

1014
01:16:14.760 --> 01:16:21.280
Exactly. You're at like you you're you're bringing it to light and asking. Hey, did you notice that right?

1015
01:16:21.280 --> 01:16:26.320
And if you did like what like, how do you manage that in your head?

1016
01:16:26.640 --> 01:16:33.440
Like what what's your conversation with God in that moment? What have you learned to do in moments like that?

1017
01:16:34.040 --> 01:16:38.720
and then you get to get more information and more clarity and

1018
01:16:39.680 --> 01:16:47.520
From that now you've got more information that information is either gonna direct you to see that a yellow flag is

1019
01:16:48.520 --> 01:16:55.320
Potentially a green flag right it's moving in a green like oh, he's still he's got a conscious mind

1020
01:16:55.320 --> 01:16:56.520
He is thoughtful of it

1021
01:16:56.520 --> 01:17:03.800
He probably wasn't aware and then and and maybe he took my questioning and he was really respectful and honest

1022
01:17:04.240 --> 01:17:06.760
And that's a green flag. Yes

1023
01:17:09.120 --> 01:17:16.000
And there is a rudeness or a dismissiveness about people that respond that way

1024
01:17:17.520 --> 01:17:22.800
That flag is now not so yellow. It's kind of turning orange and red. Yeah

1025
01:17:24.000 --> 01:17:27.160
you know and the same thing it's like if you put someone down again, like

1026
01:17:28.120 --> 01:17:30.120
Do you recognize that?

1027
01:17:30.680 --> 01:17:36.560
Frequently is he every day like you see him. Are you noticing he puts people down every day?

1028
01:17:38.280 --> 01:17:43.640
Like yeah learning like hey like when that person did that like

1029
01:17:44.640 --> 01:17:50.520
You know, it's it's Jeff it's being able to softly and gently show up in a feminine and

1030
01:17:51.920 --> 01:17:59.360
Get curious. Yeah, that's what I would encourage you ladies to do and again that he didn't want to spend money on

1031
01:17:59.480 --> 01:18:03.040
The smoothie like yeah, that's kind of a turn-off for me, too

1032
01:18:05.680 --> 01:18:11.760
Like is that a solid no, it's remember it's a yes until it's a no

1033
01:18:12.320 --> 01:18:14.840
It's again, it's learning more information

1034
01:18:15.560 --> 01:18:17.560
We don't know

1035
01:18:17.760 --> 01:18:19.760
What we don't know, right?

1036
01:18:20.520 --> 01:18:27.440
Like on a by third date, you still might not understand where he is with his finances to me like

1037
01:18:28.360 --> 01:18:30.680
You can look at it in several different ways

1038
01:18:32.840 --> 01:18:36.880
You know, he thinks that $12 for a smoothie is way too expensive and

1039
01:18:37.520 --> 01:18:39.520
you know for someone who is

1040
01:18:39.640 --> 01:18:42.840
Working on becoming financially secure

1041
01:18:46.840 --> 01:18:48.840
Ladies that's

1042
01:18:48.880 --> 01:18:52.600
That's a good quality like that's showing you some maturity there

1043
01:18:53.520 --> 01:18:57.000
he's thoughtful about hey, let's I

1044
01:18:57.880 --> 01:19:01.800
Want to treat you to this, but I want to be a good steward

1045
01:19:02.760 --> 01:19:04.760
So why don't we?

1046
01:19:04.760 --> 01:19:11.520
So why don't we do this and then is he gonna like again by third date

1047
01:19:12.040 --> 01:19:14.040
He may not be

1048
01:19:14.440 --> 01:19:19.600
Ready to get vulnerable with you about where his finances are

1049
01:19:20.640 --> 01:19:22.560
and ladies like

1050
01:19:22.560 --> 01:19:25.640
Men are those providers protectors

1051
01:19:26.120 --> 01:19:32.320
There's a lot of stigma between like a man has to be financially set in order to be ready to be married

1052
01:19:32.440 --> 01:19:34.440
like that is

1053
01:19:34.760 --> 01:19:39.480
That's kind of what a lot of men who are not married yet

1054
01:19:40.240 --> 01:19:42.240
one of the things that holds them back is

1055
01:19:43.000 --> 01:19:44.160
debt

1056
01:19:44.160 --> 01:19:48.120
the feeling like they can't provide and

1057
01:19:49.960 --> 01:19:54.480
To me I'm like, yeah, that's important, but I want to see

1058
01:19:56.080 --> 01:19:59.800
Can they stick with the plan are they mature

1059
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.080
Are they responsible?

1060
01:20:02.080 --> 01:20:05.480
So to me, I would want, like to me it's a yellow flag.

1061
01:20:05.480 --> 01:20:08.120
I want, I mean, I'd be mindful of it.

1062
01:20:08.120 --> 01:20:10.760
I wouldn't ignore it and I wouldn't just assume,

1063
01:20:10.760 --> 01:20:13.640
oh, he's just, he's just being good with his mind.

1064
01:20:13.640 --> 01:20:17.200
Well no, I wanna know, like, I'm gonna look over time

1065
01:20:17.200 --> 01:20:19.680
and spend time praying for the Lord

1066
01:20:19.680 --> 01:20:22.920
to give me some discernment and to help me see,

1067
01:20:22.920 --> 01:20:25.600
hey Lord, can you show me what this is rooted in?

1068
01:20:25.600 --> 01:20:28.360
Lord, I trust that you're gonna show me this.

1069
01:20:28.960 --> 01:20:31.080
So that's, ladies, that's what we wanna do

1070
01:20:31.080 --> 01:20:32.200
with these flags.

1071
01:20:32.200 --> 01:20:35.760
But like Karen, like she took three dates

1072
01:20:35.760 --> 01:20:39.160
to get to know him and that's okay.

1073
01:20:39.160 --> 01:20:42.120
She can say, you know, I just, there was all these things

1074
01:20:42.120 --> 01:20:45.040
and no, it just didn't sit well, so I'm gonna,

1075
01:20:45.040 --> 01:20:47.280
I'm gonna go ahead and put a pin in it

1076
01:20:47.280 --> 01:20:48.960
and just say no thank you.

1077
01:20:48.960 --> 01:20:51.280
Now, as you continue to pray,

1078
01:20:51.280 --> 01:20:53.880
if the Lord is speaking to you, say hey,

1079
01:20:53.880 --> 01:20:55.360
I do want you to get to know,

1080
01:20:55.880 --> 01:20:57.600
you are a great communicator

1081
01:20:58.840 --> 01:21:01.040
and you're gonna know how to reach out to him

1082
01:21:01.040 --> 01:21:03.800
and say, hey, and you're gonna own

1083
01:21:03.800 --> 01:21:05.200
and you're gonna be vulnerable

1084
01:21:05.200 --> 01:21:09.000
and you're gonna be like, hey, I wanna honor who I am

1085
01:21:09.000 --> 01:21:11.440
and share this with you.

1086
01:21:11.440 --> 01:21:14.240
Would you be willing to still hang out?

1087
01:21:14.240 --> 01:21:18.160
Whatever, like whatever the Lord leads you for that, okay?

1088
01:21:19.160 --> 01:21:20.840
Okay, I'm good, thank you.

1089
01:21:20.840 --> 01:21:21.680
Thank you for that question

1090
01:21:21.680 --> 01:21:23.320
because I feel like there were so many great,

1091
01:21:23.320 --> 01:21:26.880
teachable things for all the ladies to hear.

1092
01:21:26.880 --> 01:21:30.320
So I love, I love when you ladies bring those questions.

1093
01:21:30.320 --> 01:21:32.240
All right, Kelly, you're up.

1094
01:21:32.240 --> 01:21:33.080
How are you?

1095
01:21:35.520 --> 01:21:39.960
So the guy that I've been getting to know,

1096
01:21:39.960 --> 01:21:42.600
we went on a lot, a lot of dates

1097
01:21:42.600 --> 01:21:45.000
and he's very, very respectful.

1098
01:21:45.000 --> 01:21:48.200
He's done a lot, like he does a lot of things,

1099
01:21:48.920 --> 01:21:52.080
he makes sure that I'm safe out here.

1100
01:21:52.080 --> 01:21:56.120
He's put up floodlights, like I told you,

1101
01:21:56.120 --> 01:21:58.560
to make sure lighting's good out here

1102
01:21:58.560 --> 01:22:00.560
after I had been stalked.

1103
01:22:00.560 --> 01:22:05.560
He puts up, he pays for it, like we go out,

1104
01:22:06.240 --> 01:22:09.360
he's really, I mean, he pays for everything,

1105
01:22:10.440 --> 01:22:14.840
but I am not attracted to him, like I'm not,

1106
01:22:15.360 --> 01:22:18.640
like, and I mean, he talks about our future,

1107
01:22:18.640 --> 01:22:23.640
like he talks, like he wants to go forward with a future

1108
01:22:25.680 --> 01:22:27.680
and I'm like, mm.

1109
01:22:27.680 --> 01:22:30.640
Okay, but what about him is not attractive to you?

1110
01:22:31.960 --> 01:22:34.760
Like, like when I met my husband,

1111
01:22:34.760 --> 01:22:37.760
I was physically attracted to him,

1112
01:22:37.760 --> 01:22:42.680
like I was like, like we were married for 23 years,

1113
01:22:42.680 --> 01:22:46.000
like I knew, like I was like, oh, I'm gonna marry that man.

1114
01:22:46.000 --> 01:22:48.760
Like, I don't have those feelings for this guy,

1115
01:22:48.760 --> 01:22:53.760
like I don't have, I mean, he's good looking, he's like,

1116
01:22:54.120 --> 01:22:55.280
but I'm not.

1117
01:22:55.280 --> 01:22:58.000
Remind me how long have you been getting to know him?

1118
01:22:58.000 --> 01:22:59.280
I can't remember.

1119
01:22:59.280 --> 01:23:03.240
Since February, since the beginning of February.

1120
01:23:03.240 --> 01:23:07.200
So it's been about three months.

1121
01:23:07.200 --> 01:23:08.160
Right.

1122
01:23:08.160 --> 01:23:09.000
Okay.

1123
01:23:09.000 --> 01:23:10.040
Yeah.

1124
01:23:10.040 --> 01:23:11.600
Okay.

1125
01:23:11.600 --> 01:23:13.600
So it's been enough time.

1126
01:23:15.080 --> 01:23:15.920
Right, and I'm not sure what-

1127
01:23:15.920 --> 01:23:18.400
He suggests that there's no physical attraction,

1128
01:23:18.400 --> 01:23:20.720
so what?

1129
01:23:22.880 --> 01:23:25.720
I feel bad because he introduces me to his friends

1130
01:23:25.720 --> 01:23:29.400
and he's like, oh, I know that you like chicken,

1131
01:23:29.400 --> 01:23:34.400
like he's like making plans, he's making plans,

1132
01:23:35.200 --> 01:23:37.960
like we're gonna have this future

1133
01:23:38.000 --> 01:23:38.920
and I'm like.

1134
01:23:42.040 --> 01:23:43.800
But is it just because there's not

1135
01:23:43.800 --> 01:23:48.800
like the physical attraction or is it something else?

1136
01:23:49.480 --> 01:23:51.640
Cause here's the thing, I will tell you

1137
01:23:51.640 --> 01:23:56.160
like what came to my mind and I, again, I, you know,

1138
01:23:56.160 --> 01:24:01.160
have having worked with Jackie, like being a single

1139
01:24:01.680 --> 01:24:06.400
and then obviously, you know, working for her

1140
01:24:06.400 --> 01:24:09.880
and, you know, just always listening to her teachings

1141
01:24:09.880 --> 01:24:12.640
and everything and what she shares.

1142
01:24:14.840 --> 01:24:18.960
She off, like the thing that came up in my mind

1143
01:24:18.960 --> 01:24:22.800
is one thing that she also, she often talks about

1144
01:24:22.800 --> 01:24:27.800
is physical attraction is not always a good indicator

1145
01:24:31.360 --> 01:24:36.240
of someone being a spirit mate or not.

1146
01:24:37.040 --> 01:24:40.480
Like we kind of put so much, not that it's not important,

1147
01:24:41.600 --> 01:24:46.600
but that should not be the reason we're attracted

1148
01:24:46.680 --> 01:24:48.320
or not attracted to somebody.

1149
01:24:48.320 --> 01:24:49.480
Does that make sense?

1150
01:24:51.960 --> 01:24:52.800
So that.

1151
01:24:53.800 --> 01:24:58.800
He prays for me, I mean, like he has all the qualities

1152
01:24:59.640 --> 01:25:04.640
of a spiritual friend, like he has all the qualities

1153
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.000
somebody that I should be like,

1154
01:25:06.320 --> 01:25:08.840
but I keep on bouncing back to the guy

1155
01:25:08.840 --> 01:25:13.080
that treated me terribly and I was so physically attracted.

1156
01:25:13.080 --> 01:25:15.080
I was gonna ask you about that.

1157
01:25:15.080 --> 01:25:17.900
Are you still in contact with that guy?

1158
01:25:20.400 --> 01:25:21.980
He has texted me lately.

1159
01:25:21.980 --> 01:25:24.040
I did block him off the messenger.

1160
01:25:24.040 --> 01:25:24.880
I did block him off the messenger.

1161
01:25:24.880 --> 01:25:26.040
Here's the thing, Kelly,

1162
01:25:26.040 --> 01:25:30.080
like I wanna say this lovingly and gently, okay?

1163
01:25:30.080 --> 01:25:33.760
Know that I get this, okay?

1164
01:25:33.760 --> 01:25:35.200
But I wouldn't be a good coach

1165
01:25:35.200 --> 01:25:39.040
if I didn't share this with you, okay?

1166
01:25:39.040 --> 01:25:40.600
And I'm sharing it because these are Band-Aids

1167
01:25:40.600 --> 01:25:42.240
that Jackie would have to pull off of me

1168
01:25:42.240 --> 01:25:43.780
and several other women.

1169
01:25:45.040 --> 01:25:50.040
If there is someone that you are still connected to,

1170
01:25:51.040 --> 01:25:56.040
soul tied with, thinking about, in connection with,

1171
01:25:57.640 --> 01:25:59.400
he treated you terribly.

1172
01:25:59.400 --> 01:26:00.960
There's still a draw there.

1173
01:26:00.960 --> 01:26:03.160
There's still a connection.

1174
01:26:03.160 --> 01:26:08.160
You're not free to receive the good things

1175
01:26:11.020 --> 01:26:13.200
that are available to you.

1176
01:26:13.200 --> 01:26:16.680
It's going to be really hard for your heart

1177
01:26:16.680 --> 01:26:20.640
to be able to open up and receive something

1178
01:26:20.640 --> 01:26:22.040
because in the back you know

1179
01:26:22.040 --> 01:26:23.960
that you still have an attachment over here.

1180
01:26:23.960 --> 01:26:25.600
There's still something tethered.

1181
01:26:27.320 --> 01:26:30.420
Your heart is not gonna be able to fully attract,

1182
01:26:30.420 --> 01:26:34.760
be attracted because there's something else

1183
01:26:34.760 --> 01:26:35.960
that you're still attracted to.

1184
01:26:35.960 --> 01:26:38.760
So I wanna ask you, spend time,

1185
01:26:38.760 --> 01:26:43.760
what is it about a man that has treated you terribly

1186
01:26:44.680 --> 01:26:47.840
and what is it about the physical attraction?

1187
01:26:47.840 --> 01:26:51.760
What are you believing about that

1188
01:26:51.760 --> 01:26:56.760
and that being the focus of what makes the connection?

1189
01:26:59.800 --> 01:27:00.840
Does that make sense?

1190
01:27:03.420 --> 01:27:04.860
What's the fear?

1191
01:27:09.600 --> 01:27:12.800
What's the fear of untethering yourself

1192
01:27:12.800 --> 01:27:16.060
and releasing this other guy?

1193
01:27:25.120 --> 01:27:26.960
And I'll have to spend some time.

1194
01:27:26.960 --> 01:27:27.800
Yeah.

1195
01:27:28.880 --> 01:27:30.920
And I told you, and I told you, and I knew,

1196
01:27:30.920 --> 01:27:33.680
and I told you, I think it was like a month or two ago,

1197
01:27:34.800 --> 01:27:39.800
it's not easy and we understand that, all right?

1198
01:27:42.920 --> 01:27:45.200
This is your process, this is what, you know,

1199
01:27:45.200 --> 01:27:50.200
I want you to lean into your heavenly father here

1200
01:27:52.520 --> 01:27:56.880
and there is freedom there, it's available

1201
01:27:58.460 --> 01:28:02.000
and it will feel scary because it's vulnerable

1202
01:28:05.120 --> 01:28:08.280
but that vulnerability and that honesty,

1203
01:28:09.160 --> 01:28:14.160
when we can be open to it and lay it before the Lord,

1204
01:28:15.560 --> 01:28:17.600
it gets to be the Lord's.

1205
01:28:19.760 --> 01:28:20.760
We really do.

1206
01:28:20.760 --> 01:28:24.400
I mean, you really get to literally lay it at his feet.

1207
01:28:26.240 --> 01:28:29.160
It's the willingness, it's the learning,

1208
01:28:29.160 --> 01:28:32.360
what am I afraid to let go of?

1209
01:28:32.360 --> 01:28:35.680
What am I believing that if I let go of this

1210
01:28:36.120 --> 01:28:37.600
is gonna happen?

1211
01:28:37.600 --> 01:28:39.760
What does it say about me?

1212
01:28:39.760 --> 01:28:41.080
What does it say about the other?

1213
01:28:41.080 --> 01:28:43.280
Like whatever comes to your spirit,

1214
01:28:43.280 --> 01:28:48.280
what is the belief that is tied to the fear

1215
01:28:50.920 --> 01:28:55.600
of not fully releasing that?

1216
01:28:57.680 --> 01:29:01.320
Because you're telling me, this guy is incredible

1217
01:29:01.320 --> 01:29:03.560
and he's got all these great things

1218
01:29:04.560 --> 01:29:09.560
but you can't open your heart to be attracted to someone

1219
01:29:10.200 --> 01:29:15.200
if your heart is still attached to something else.

1220
01:29:16.600 --> 01:29:17.880
Does that make sense?

1221
01:29:17.880 --> 01:29:18.720
Mm-hmm.

1222
01:29:19.640 --> 01:29:22.920
Do you, like and be honest with me,

1223
01:29:22.920 --> 01:29:27.920
do you at times think about what would it look like

1224
01:29:28.640 --> 01:29:33.640
if this guy from the past would show up and change?

1225
01:29:34.280 --> 01:29:37.960
Have you thought about if he would do this or this and this?

1226
01:29:37.960 --> 01:29:39.880
That right there, yeah.

1227
01:29:39.880 --> 01:29:44.880
You are playing into the situation, the what if.

1228
01:29:45.560 --> 01:29:48.280
If he would just do this, this and this,

1229
01:29:49.280 --> 01:29:50.600
oh, this will work out.

1230
01:29:53.600 --> 01:29:54.920
But do you see that?

1231
01:29:55.360 --> 01:29:56.200
Mm-hmm.

1232
01:29:57.520 --> 01:30:00.320
But do you see how in your mind it's...

1233
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:10.440
I'm I'm choosing to settle and then it's like I need him to do this this and this

1234
01:30:10.440 --> 01:30:16.760
well what if he doesn't do that then you're gonna sit here and try to

1235
01:30:16.760 --> 01:30:22.120
control and guide and direct and manipulate it so where I just need to

1236
01:30:22.120 --> 01:30:25.520
see a sign that he's doing that so that I can give myself a reason that I'm

1237
01:30:25.520 --> 01:30:36.240
holding on for purpose yeah you see I can say it because I've done it so

1238
01:30:36.240 --> 01:30:43.040
that's why that's why I can relate to it because I I've been there like you just

1239
01:30:43.040 --> 01:30:47.800
you care it like and you're probably a very like compassionate caring person

1240
01:30:47.800 --> 01:30:55.440
you probably love really hard don't you yeah yeah and you just genuinely have

1241
01:30:55.440 --> 01:31:00.680
you know a kindness and a goodness in your heart towards people and you see

1242
01:31:00.680 --> 01:31:12.960
the good in and people you do and that's a gift but when we we then overextend

1243
01:31:12.960 --> 01:31:22.560
that and sell ourselves short then we we open ourself to be abused to that and

1244
01:31:22.560 --> 01:31:30.960
it closes us off to the relationships that really do get to pour in to us and

1245
01:31:30.960 --> 01:31:35.880
then the people who actually can receive our love

1246
01:31:36.880 --> 01:31:43.480
you it's about you receiving love so that you can give love and if you're

1247
01:31:43.480 --> 01:31:50.640
staying in a place where you know hoping that someone's going to change and show

1248
01:31:50.640 --> 01:31:59.960
love to you in a way then oh then maybe it'll work then we hold on to that and

1249
01:31:59.960 --> 01:32:05.640
that's actually not loving ourselves and if you can't love yourself are you

1250
01:32:05.640 --> 01:32:08.480
gonna be able to give love

1251
01:32:11.760 --> 01:32:16.920
like I want you to sit with it what is it what what are some fears that you

1252
01:32:16.920 --> 01:32:24.080
really what is surfacing what what is the scariest thing that's going to

1253
01:32:24.080 --> 01:32:30.040
happen if you completely cut ties with him

1254
01:32:30.040 --> 01:32:36.240
what does that what what is the scary like what is the scariest vision that

1255
01:32:36.240 --> 01:32:42.200
you have spend time with that get vulnerable with us let's be honest and

1256
01:32:42.200 --> 01:32:49.360
let's let's work through it that's what we're here for thank you okay love you

1257
01:32:49.360 --> 01:32:55.960
Kelly we're lifting you up girl all right okay who do I have next um

1258
01:32:55.960 --> 01:33:05.040
bill how are you babe I'm doing well question is different um I do want to

1259
01:33:05.040 --> 01:33:11.960
say that the gentleman I had to to not been dating on the dating app scene

1260
01:33:11.960 --> 01:33:20.200
since February 1st I had I was I left the dating scene with four gentlemen two

1261
01:33:20.200 --> 01:33:25.720
of them yeah I dropped out real quick to remained I had an issue I think two

1262
01:33:25.720 --> 01:33:30.680
weeks ago when I talked to you about one of them the the local guy and we're kind

1263
01:33:30.680 --> 01:33:37.120
of not well he goes to my church we talked to the pastor he's a young

1264
01:33:37.120 --> 01:33:42.160
Christian he actually went to the pastor and my friends and apologized for how he

1265
01:33:42.240 --> 01:33:52.240
disrespected me asked for forgiveness and so we're friends just we have to get

1266
01:33:52.240 --> 01:33:58.040
along in our church you know and I yeah he's been but this is what happened it's

1267
01:33:58.040 --> 01:34:02.760
like it's not part of my question but I should tell you over the last week both

1268
01:34:02.760 --> 01:34:07.720
men proposed to me got down on their knee and proposed the local guy did it

1269
01:34:07.720 --> 01:34:16.560
he walked in the door dropped to his knees and begged me to to marry him and

1270
01:34:16.560 --> 01:34:22.720
pulled out a diamond out of his pocket was your response and my response was I

1271
01:34:22.720 --> 01:34:31.520
can at this time I'm not ready and we're friends but he set the ring on my I have

1272
01:34:31.520 --> 01:34:35.040
a dresser in my front door he set the ring down there and said you keep it I

1273
01:34:35.160 --> 01:34:40.120
said no no and he says just keep it in case you change your mind he would not

1274
01:34:40.120 --> 01:34:46.560
take it back so it's setting on hold he knows I'm not going to keep it but it

1275
01:34:46.560 --> 01:34:49.160
makes him feel better as a matter of fact the weird thing is is he would you

1276
01:34:49.160 --> 01:34:53.440
he said would you at least wear it for today I was headed out to do disaster

1277
01:34:53.440 --> 01:34:59.240
relief for an organization that does disaster relief I'm very active in it I

1278
01:34:59.240 --> 01:35:02.240
can't say I don't think

1279
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.840
that you won't allow to say names, but it's a Christian organization that

1280
01:35:05.120 --> 01:35:09.600
I'm involved with and I was headed to Illinois to do tornado relief for the

1281
01:35:10.160 --> 01:35:11.200
Yeah

1282
01:35:11.200 --> 01:35:13.200
Relief, did you put the ring on?

1283
01:35:13.920 --> 01:35:15.920
I he said please wear it for a day

1284
01:35:16.400 --> 01:35:18.400
Just make me happy and wear it for the last day

1285
01:35:18.720 --> 01:35:22.160
I wore it for a day and then uh, I said, you know, it's on the counter

1286
01:35:22.320 --> 01:35:24.320
I'm going to be giving it back to you

1287
01:35:24.320 --> 01:35:29.440
but I was leaving the next day for disaster relief and I don't know I just because I so I I

1288
01:35:29.760 --> 01:35:31.760
He saw I had taken it off

1289
01:35:31.920 --> 01:35:36.560
Um, it was not uh, it's not on just I just thought for 24 hours. I'll

1290
01:35:37.280 --> 01:35:38.640
Make him happy

1291
01:35:38.640 --> 01:35:44.880
Um, and so then uh, we were in the other gentleman was involved is involved. Yeah

1292
01:35:45.760 --> 01:35:48.660
I got him involved in this disaster relief organization

1293
01:35:49.520 --> 01:35:52.800
so we flew out together to um,

1294
01:35:54.080 --> 01:35:57.120
Lima, Illinois, Chicago, Illinois and um

1295
01:35:58.000 --> 01:36:03.520
Uh, they put us in dorm rooms there was nothing, you know, they're very strict Christian organization

1296
01:36:03.600 --> 01:36:09.120
So I was in a woman's dorm. He was in a man's nothing there, but we uh, we're on the same team for

1297
01:36:10.320 --> 01:36:12.320
three four days and

1298
01:36:12.880 --> 01:36:14.720
worked at

1299
01:36:14.720 --> 01:36:16.720
picking up tree limbs and

1300
01:36:18.000 --> 01:36:20.000
All the stuff involved with tornadoes

1301
01:36:20.400 --> 01:36:22.400
Um

1302
01:36:22.480 --> 01:36:28.400
In our last uh dinner there because they provide the food so we had a meal together with all these other teams

1303
01:36:28.560 --> 01:36:30.560
Um, I don't know how many people

1304
01:36:30.620 --> 01:36:32.620
200 maybe

1305
01:36:32.640 --> 01:36:34.640
Uh at the end of the dinner

1306
01:36:34.960 --> 01:36:36.400
he

1307
01:36:36.400 --> 01:36:40.080
They asked for uh, god moments during your rescue. Um

1308
01:36:40.880 --> 01:36:43.440
Attempts and he took the mic and didn't think anything of it

1309
01:36:43.520 --> 01:36:47.280
He bragged on me told everybody and then proposed in front of everybody

1310
01:36:48.240 --> 01:36:49.520
Then what did you say?

1311
01:36:49.520 --> 01:36:55.120
Uh, actually the interesting part is is he said that he wanted to spend the rest of my life together

1312
01:36:55.120 --> 01:37:00.320
But he didn't put me on the spot by asking the question. He just stated what he wanted

1313
01:37:01.120 --> 01:37:06.400
Because it was a moment that he thought would be a good moment. He was not prepared

1314
01:37:07.120 --> 01:37:13.920
I mean he just felt led to do it. And uh, so he had went all over the area trying to find a jewelry store

1315
01:37:14.560 --> 01:37:16.560
uh after work and

1316
01:37:16.800 --> 01:37:19.280
Couldn't so he came up with um

1317
01:37:20.560 --> 01:37:22.560
A hairband a small hair tie

1318
01:37:23.600 --> 01:37:25.600
And put it around my finger

1319
01:37:25.840 --> 01:37:30.720
Yeah, everybody was laughing and this one lady. I'm sorry. This is like a god moment

1320
01:37:30.720 --> 01:37:34.880
I have to share this one lady. I did not know she was a homeowner that we helped to uh,

1321
01:37:36.000 --> 01:37:39.200
Take down a bunch of trees and rubbish out of her yard. Yeah yard

1322
01:37:39.840 --> 01:37:42.400
She took her ring off her finger

1323
01:37:43.440 --> 01:37:44.560
and

1324
01:37:44.560 --> 01:37:46.960
Gave it to him and said here put this on

1325
01:37:48.000 --> 01:37:49.280
I mean

1326
01:37:49.280 --> 01:37:51.200
Whoa shocking

1327
01:37:51.200 --> 01:37:53.920
And I tried giving it back to her. She said no

1328
01:37:54.800 --> 01:37:57.200
Uh, so anyways the long story started with

1329
01:37:58.080 --> 01:38:04.800
I noticed my love life is not normal. I did tell him afterwards. I said you didn't thank you for not asking me on the spot

1330
01:38:05.520 --> 01:38:08.560
uh, but ask me in another three months or so

1331
01:38:09.280 --> 01:38:13.520
And it's probably it's a maybe right now. It's a maybe my answer will be maybe so

1332
01:38:14.880 --> 01:38:17.280
Been an interesting so what i'm trying to now

1333
01:38:17.920 --> 01:38:23.600
Let's get to your question because I do I think I have nadine and I do is theresa still here. Yes. Okay question

1334
01:38:24.800 --> 01:38:26.800
my friends my family

1335
01:38:27.120 --> 01:38:31.040
Um when they found out about the proposals because i'm open with them

1336
01:38:31.760 --> 01:38:33.760
everybody's saying

1337
01:38:33.920 --> 01:38:38.800
Too early just be friends, you know, some people some of my family are saying wait a couple years

1338
01:38:38.880 --> 01:38:43.280
I'm 73 years old people are dropping around. I'm literally dying around me

1339
01:38:44.000 --> 01:38:46.000
um

1340
01:38:46.480 --> 01:38:53.040
I'm just concerned about this friends. I mean church people everybody it's like wait a couple of years and and honestly

1341
01:38:53.680 --> 01:38:57.200
That's not impossible hold these guys off for two years

1342
01:38:57.760 --> 01:38:59.760
Who are that vested in you?

1343
01:39:00.320 --> 01:39:02.320
An a guy should I say?

1344
01:39:02.640 --> 01:39:04.960
Well, and here's the thing is I don't think you can even

1345
01:39:05.680 --> 01:39:07.680
like

1346
01:39:07.760 --> 01:39:12.480
I mean, can you really truly make a decision if there's two people involved?

1347
01:39:13.440 --> 01:39:15.440
There isn't uh the one I

1348
01:39:15.840 --> 01:39:17.840
There's gotta be an ending

1349
01:39:18.800 --> 01:39:26.160
Right with the local guy, right? Yeah. Um, actually the the distance guy that i'm interested in

1350
01:39:26.800 --> 01:39:27.920
uh

1351
01:39:27.920 --> 01:39:29.920
Saying yes to um

1352
01:39:30.480 --> 01:39:36.160
He told me to take it. He's uh, the local guy's going through cancer issues right now

1353
01:39:36.800 --> 01:39:43.920
And uh, he said listen gail, I be a friend with him stay friends with him till he gets over this hump i'm fully

1354
01:39:44.380 --> 01:39:50.080
Supporting you. We'll keep it a our secret until he gets over the hump. And um

1355
01:39:51.120 --> 01:39:53.120
So he's on board with it

1356
01:39:53.280 --> 01:39:59.280
100 but I did did make a definite decision between the two obviously from a couple weeks ago

1357
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.680
Um, so the other one is distance guy, know that local guy gave you a ring.

1358
01:40:07.000 --> 01:40:07.400
Yes.

1359
01:40:07.400 --> 01:40:11.480
He knows I have been totally keeping that communication.

1360
01:40:11.720 --> 01:40:12.040
Yeah.

1361
01:40:12.080 --> 01:40:13.280
He knows all about it.

1362
01:40:13.320 --> 01:40:18.000
He just, he's just as important thing that's being highlighted to, for me to

1363
01:40:18.000 --> 01:40:25.120
share with you is practicing boundaries with local guy, especially, and the

1364
01:40:25.120 --> 01:40:28.240
reason I say that, cause then I literally just remembered.

1365
01:40:29.240 --> 01:40:38.320
I want you to pay attention to what's shifting you to, um, people, please,

1366
01:40:38.920 --> 01:40:45.680
and accommodate what local guy wants you to do just to be happy.

1367
01:40:46.080 --> 01:40:53.240
Do you see how it's like you are doing things for someone just to satisfy them?

1368
01:40:54.440 --> 01:40:56.480
I want you to practice boundaries.

1369
01:40:56.480 --> 01:40:57.920
What does that look like?

1370
01:40:59.240 --> 01:41:02.080
I do think that could be highlighted.

1371
01:41:03.000 --> 01:41:08.640
What I mean, and, and even reflecting in past relationships, is that something

1372
01:41:08.640 --> 01:41:14.040
that was a pattern that you had that you often were considering and being more

1373
01:41:14.040 --> 01:41:22.200
considerate of the other person that you would kind of do for them, even though

1374
01:41:22.200 --> 01:41:24.840
it wasn't something that you wanted to do.

1375
01:41:26.000 --> 01:41:26.320
Yeah.

1376
01:41:26.840 --> 01:41:27.200
Yeah.

1377
01:41:27.360 --> 01:41:31.200
My codependency isn't my, is my big, huge issue.

1378
01:41:31.480 --> 01:41:32.000
Yes.

1379
01:41:32.040 --> 01:41:36.240
So spend time with that, ask the Lord to reveal to you.

1380
01:41:36.880 --> 01:41:38.560
Um, what's that rooted in?

1381
01:41:39.760 --> 01:41:46.160
How can you, um, create healthy boundaries, break those, those ties,

1382
01:41:46.480 --> 01:41:53.920
what that looks like, um, communicating that and staying grounded in firm,

1383
01:41:54.000 --> 01:41:55.240
firm, but kind.

1384
01:41:55.360 --> 01:41:55.560
Okay.

1385
01:41:55.560 --> 01:42:00.440
We can be firm and that's still kindness and what that looks like.

1386
01:42:00.440 --> 01:42:05.080
I want you to sit with that and ask the Lord to kind of be revealing there.

1387
01:42:05.400 --> 01:42:05.920
Okay.

1388
01:42:06.080 --> 01:42:07.200
So spend some time with that.

1389
01:42:07.200 --> 01:42:12.280
And I want to revisit after you've been able to have time with that so that I

1390
01:42:12.280 --> 01:42:15.520
want to still give you more time to process, but we do need to move on.

1391
01:42:16.080 --> 01:42:16.360
Okay.

1392
01:42:16.600 --> 01:42:19.680
I can get, get with everybody else here, but, um, I think that

1393
01:42:19.680 --> 01:42:20.800
will be very, very helpful.

1394
01:42:21.400 --> 01:42:22.840
Um, all right.

1395
01:42:22.840 --> 01:42:23.560
Who was next?

1396
01:42:24.760 --> 01:42:25.360
Teresa.

1397
01:42:25.840 --> 01:42:26.160
Okay.

1398
01:42:28.000 --> 01:42:29.000
Hit me with your question.

1399
01:42:29.400 --> 01:42:29.800
Okay.

1400
01:42:29.800 --> 01:42:34.800
So I have finished all the videos and everything from the section.

1401
01:42:38.280 --> 01:42:42.760
And I have a big procrastinator, so I can relate to that.

1402
01:42:44.120 --> 01:42:44.400
Yeah.

1403
01:42:44.400 --> 01:42:49.480
You look up that word in the dictionary and you'll see my picture right next

1404
01:42:49.480 --> 01:42:50.000
to each other.

1405
01:42:50.000 --> 01:42:50.600
We're twins.

1406
01:42:50.640 --> 01:42:51.040
Yeah.

1407
01:42:51.920 --> 01:42:57.320
So I am on a dating site and I guess I'm kind of well fortunate in a way I'm

1408
01:42:57.320 --> 01:43:01.000
Catholic, so I'm on, I'm on a Catholic site and I will do another Catholic site.

1409
01:43:01.000 --> 01:43:04.600
So I, some of the stuff that you guys are talking about, I don't have to worry

1410
01:43:04.600 --> 01:43:09.520
about, it's kind of taken care of in the questions and everything, but they do

1411
01:43:09.520 --> 01:43:16.520
have, um, on this site in particular, you can like someone's video, you can send

1412
01:43:16.520 --> 01:43:20.920
them a smile, or of course I could always drop them a note.

1413
01:43:20.920 --> 01:43:25.000
So what I'm wondering is what's the best way for me to drop the hanky.

1414
01:43:25.000 --> 01:43:28.480
Should I just be brave and just send them a note?

1415
01:43:29.280 --> 01:43:30.040
Drop the note.

1416
01:43:30.880 --> 01:43:31.240
Okay.

1417
01:43:31.560 --> 01:43:35.400
Just tell them something I like about their, their profile or something like

1418
01:43:35.400 --> 01:43:35.680
that.

1419
01:43:35.680 --> 01:43:40.440
A short conversation, because again, you're just, you're creating dialogue.

1420
01:43:40.440 --> 01:43:45.160
You're creating communication just because you drop a note does not mean

1421
01:43:45.160 --> 01:43:49.880
that you're like telling them, I want to date you.

1422
01:43:49.920 --> 01:43:53.200
Like you are just wanting to get to know them.

1423
01:43:54.040 --> 01:43:54.240
Right.

1424
01:43:54.240 --> 01:43:54.560
That's it.

1425
01:43:55.320 --> 01:43:57.960
So there's, there's really no pressure there.

1426
01:43:58.880 --> 01:44:01.240
You get to be the one just to drop the hanky.

1427
01:44:01.480 --> 01:44:04.080
Hey, I found your profile really interesting.

1428
01:44:04.080 --> 01:44:05.520
Tell me more about this.

1429
01:44:06.320 --> 01:44:06.680
Okay.

1430
01:44:06.760 --> 01:44:11.520
And then you see how then that dialogue gets started and then you can ask

1431
01:44:11.520 --> 01:44:14.800
questions, they hopefully are asking you questions and then you can kind of go

1432
01:44:14.800 --> 01:44:15.360
from there.

1433
01:44:16.080 --> 01:44:16.400
All right.

1434
01:44:16.600 --> 01:44:16.960
Sound good.

1435
01:44:16.960 --> 01:44:17.400
Very good.

1436
01:44:17.880 --> 01:44:18.160
Yeah.

1437
01:44:18.200 --> 01:44:19.360
We'll see what happens.

1438
01:44:19.440 --> 01:44:19.880
Yes.

1439
01:44:19.920 --> 01:44:21.400
And keep, keep us posted.

1440
01:44:21.600 --> 01:44:22.160
I will.

1441
01:44:22.600 --> 01:44:22.960
Awesome.

1442
01:44:23.960 --> 01:44:24.640
You're welcome.

1443
01:44:25.120 --> 01:44:29.840
Hey, Nadine, I can't find some of your stuff, but I did.

1444
01:44:29.880 --> 01:44:30.920
I don't know if you saw that.

1445
01:44:30.920 --> 01:44:33.120
I, I tried to respond.

1446
01:44:33.960 --> 01:44:36.760
So let's catch me up here.

1447
01:44:37.160 --> 01:44:37.880
What's happening.

1448
01:44:38.160 --> 01:44:39.200
Yeah, no worries.

1449
01:44:39.240 --> 01:44:40.360
Um, did you watch the video?

1450
01:44:40.360 --> 01:44:41.120
You're saying that didn't go.

1451
01:44:41.160 --> 01:44:42.960
I can't, no, I can't pull up the video.

1452
01:44:42.960 --> 01:44:46.160
I, my, my, my app is crashing.

1453
01:44:46.160 --> 01:44:49.040
So videos have been like out of commission for me.

1454
01:44:49.040 --> 01:44:53.720
So that's what I'm going to spend the next few days trying to navigate that on, on my

1455
01:44:53.720 --> 01:44:54.000
end.

1456
01:44:58.000 --> 01:44:59.560
I'll make this super quick.

1457
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:05.320
Um, but I'm going to try, here's my question.

1458
01:45:05.320 --> 01:45:07.500
I'm gonna leave my question and then I'm going to just give you a

1459
01:45:07.500 --> 01:45:09.120
little bit of background information.

1460
01:45:09.120 --> 01:45:12.000
So yeah, the guy is 43 years old.

1461
01:45:12.060 --> 01:45:14.120
I am 10 years younger than him.

1462
01:45:14.200 --> 01:45:17.060
That was a situation between me and his dad.

1463
01:45:17.320 --> 01:45:19.220
So at first it was a trigger.

1464
01:45:19.260 --> 01:45:20.400
I got over the trigger.

1465
01:45:20.660 --> 01:45:21.160
Okay.

1466
01:45:21.160 --> 01:45:27.820
And then, um, as I've been getting to know him, we came to this point where I

1467
01:45:27.820 --> 01:45:33.100
started connecting the dots with a few things and there was a tenant that he

1468
01:45:33.100 --> 01:45:41.640
had at his house that was right next door that he, uh, had a relationship with.

1469
01:45:42.180 --> 01:45:47.280
And I'm not going to assume that there was anything that was inappropriate in

1470
01:45:47.280 --> 01:45:51.620
that, but, um, they're still in communications and I know we're not

1471
01:45:51.620 --> 01:45:56.020
exclusive, so this is not a, Hey, you're not supposed to be talking to someone

1472
01:45:56.020 --> 01:46:00.160
else because we're not exclusive, but it's about an hour away from you.

1473
01:46:00.160 --> 01:46:00.660
Correct.

1474
01:46:01.300 --> 01:46:01.940
That's correct.

1475
01:46:01.940 --> 01:46:02.180
Yeah.

1476
01:46:02.240 --> 01:46:05.580
Still, I haven't really talked to anyone else cause I just haven't had time.

1477
01:46:05.720 --> 01:46:13.060
But, um, the issue that I'm having is that she is very young.

1478
01:46:13.640 --> 01:46:19.680
So when, when they were talking, he was late thirties and she was like early

1479
01:46:19.680 --> 01:46:21.740
twenties because she's 28 right now.

1480
01:46:22.260 --> 01:46:28.260
And to me, it's a big red flag because in my eyes, from my perspective, with my

1481
01:46:28.260 --> 01:46:36.340
situation with my son's father, he was so unhealed in so many areas that I'm

1482
01:46:36.340 --> 01:46:42.060
starting to see, like at the very beginning, I saw this very masculine men,

1483
01:46:42.100 --> 01:46:49.040
man, and it seems like the last few times that we've been hanging out and it's

1484
01:46:49.040 --> 01:46:52.360
coming up in me too, but there's more insecurities coming up.

1485
01:46:52.360 --> 01:46:56.360
And so as of like the last few days, I've kind of just started pulling back

1486
01:46:56.360 --> 01:47:03.140
some, um, and it happened, we, we got together on Sunday and he had, he talks

1487
01:47:03.140 --> 01:47:07.700
about this girl a lot in our conversations and it wasn't an issue.

1488
01:47:07.700 --> 01:47:09.880
I, I, I told Ebony, I was like, I'm not jealous.

1489
01:47:09.880 --> 01:47:10.840
He's not coming up.

1490
01:47:11.200 --> 01:47:12.960
I know that he has a lot of sisters.

1491
01:47:12.960 --> 01:47:16.440
Like I thought maybe there's some healing that's needed there, but I was

1492
01:47:16.440 --> 01:47:17.620
kind of like, yeah, whatever.

1493
01:47:17.640 --> 01:47:18.400
It's no big deal.

1494
01:47:18.440 --> 01:47:22.680
Like, I'm so grateful God's healed me in this area, but he does have like

1495
01:47:22.680 --> 01:47:27.600
that protective nature when he talks about her, even though I know that

1496
01:47:27.600 --> 01:47:32.120
there is like a lot of tension in, in them getting to know each other.

1497
01:47:32.120 --> 01:47:37.360
And so I guess my thing is I'm a little concerned because when I first met

1498
01:47:37.360 --> 01:47:40.320
him, I discerned that there was a spirit of like, and I'm not

1499
01:47:40.320 --> 01:47:41.440
trying to get too spiritual here.

1500
01:47:41.440 --> 01:47:46.200
I really am not, but like of adultery and some things that were spoken

1501
01:47:46.200 --> 01:47:52.640
about in his generational line that was confirmed and then she's dating long

1502
01:47:52.640 --> 01:47:56.840
distance with her guy who she's getting married to.

1503
01:47:57.240 --> 01:48:02.140
And so I am not assuming, but the timeline it's starting to come together

1504
01:48:02.140 --> 01:48:06.880
where I'm like, he's, he keeps, when he kept talking about her in situations,

1505
01:48:06.880 --> 01:48:08.320
he would say, well, I don't want to reel too much.

1506
01:48:08.320 --> 01:48:13.120
She's a very private person, but then he's given me details about other

1507
01:48:13.120 --> 01:48:20.080
situations and then when we were talking and he reminded me and it was so, I

1508
01:48:20.080 --> 01:48:23.360
wasn't even like fishing for anything and I've been praying like, God,

1509
01:48:23.360 --> 01:48:25.480
just show me what I need to see.

1510
01:48:25.840 --> 01:48:31.160
Um, he had mentioned something about the, cause he dated someone in his

1511
01:48:31.160 --> 01:48:35.880
early thirties that it ended and it didn't go anywhere.

1512
01:48:36.080 --> 01:48:39.520
Um, and then he said, and then there was another relationship, but that one's

1513
01:48:39.520 --> 01:48:40.120
private.

1514
01:48:40.640 --> 01:48:45.920
And when he said that, I just knew, and he could see that I was connecting the

1515
01:48:45.920 --> 01:48:48.120
dots and he just vomited out.

1516
01:48:48.160 --> 01:48:48.400
Okay.

1517
01:48:48.400 --> 01:48:49.000
It was Sabrina.

1518
01:48:49.720 --> 01:48:51.480
Like he just vomited it out.

1519
01:48:51.640 --> 01:48:52.680
I didn't even have to fish.

1520
01:48:54.440 --> 01:48:54.960
Yes.

1521
01:48:55.800 --> 01:48:56.640
The name of the girl.

1522
01:48:56.680 --> 01:49:01.960
And so at that moment, I just got silent and I was proud of myself.

1523
01:49:01.960 --> 01:49:02.760
There was no offense.

1524
01:49:02.760 --> 01:49:04.360
There was nothing that rose up in me.

1525
01:49:04.360 --> 01:49:05.760
So I'm praise the Lord.

1526
01:49:05.760 --> 01:49:09.400
He's healed me in so many ways, but I did get quiet.

1527
01:49:09.680 --> 01:49:13.200
And I just changed the subject because I just needed to process.

1528
01:49:13.560 --> 01:49:17.960
But at that moment, I think something shifted in me where I was very confident

1529
01:49:17.960 --> 01:49:22.880
that I was like, I cannot move forward with this band because I need someone

1530
01:49:22.880 --> 01:49:24.200
who is whole and healed.

1531
01:49:24.240 --> 01:49:26.360
Like, and we're not going to be there perfectly.

1532
01:49:26.360 --> 01:49:29.480
I get that, but he's still holding onto her.

1533
01:49:29.480 --> 01:49:34.320
And from my perspective, it's out of fear that he's not, that's

1534
01:49:34.320 --> 01:49:35.760
not marriage minded to me.

1535
01:49:35.880 --> 01:49:39.600
You're 43 years old and you're still clinging to someone that you had

1536
01:49:39.600 --> 01:49:43.760
relationships with, but yet you're wanting to move forward.

1537
01:49:43.760 --> 01:49:48.760
And I'm not, I personally am not like if me and a gentleman doesn't

1538
01:49:48.760 --> 01:49:53.280
work out, I don't keep him in my life because I want marriage.

1539
01:49:53.280 --> 01:49:55.200
Like I'm not going to bring that to my marriage.

1540
01:49:55.200 --> 01:49:58.760
And that's okay that everyone doesn't see eye to eye on that.

1541
01:49:58.920 --> 01:50:00.120
Again, we're not exclusive.

1542
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:08.080
but it's just I'm just not correct but at the same time like you are you're

1543
01:50:08.080 --> 01:50:15.360
being wise there in the sense of yes you are not exclusive however you are

1544
01:50:15.360 --> 01:50:22.640
seeing a pattern that this is being brought up that can you even get to a

1545
01:50:22.640 --> 01:50:28.360
place of exclusivity if there is still this tie there because there is not a

1546
01:50:28.360 --> 01:50:33.920
relationship that's gonna move towards marriage if there is the past person I

1547
01:50:33.920 --> 01:50:41.200
mean I I even say that even with friends that are opposite sex like when you are

1548
01:50:41.200 --> 01:50:50.200
dating someone exclusively like you kind of take a step back of like if you have

1549
01:50:50.200 --> 01:50:56.520
male friends you're not going to be spending a lot of time with your male

1550
01:50:56.520 --> 01:51:03.480
friends out of respect and honor to someone that you want to potentially

1551
01:51:03.480 --> 01:51:11.040
look towards a future with same thing you're not going to want to move forward

1552
01:51:11.040 --> 01:51:17.960
and feel confident secure and comfortable with potentially moving

1553
01:51:17.960 --> 01:51:22.560
forward with someone who's gonna have like a best friend that's a woman like I

1554
01:51:22.560 --> 01:51:29.800
just those are those are lines that's my my own personal opinion so I can

1555
01:51:29.800 --> 01:51:35.000
respect what you're saying there 100% and and and like you said like not

1556
01:51:35.000 --> 01:51:39.480
everybody has to agree with that and that's okay when you're sharing this

1557
01:51:39.480 --> 01:51:44.320
what is coming up and what I keep hearing is that there is an unsettling

1558
01:51:44.320 --> 01:51:50.320
here the word you're unsettled I have been not been able to sleep and what I

1559
01:51:50.320 --> 01:51:55.720
have in my mind that I was like good not to move forward I had such a confidence

1560
01:51:55.720 --> 01:52:01.520
of the Lord and peace but then it's like then I because there's been areas of

1561
01:52:01.520 --> 01:52:06.800
control that's come up in the process and I need to heal in my mind goes to

1562
01:52:06.800 --> 01:52:12.160
well if you still have things to work on like you're are you seeing things

1563
01:52:12.160 --> 01:52:17.680
through that lens which is not healthy but I just don't I don't sense that I

1564
01:52:17.680 --> 01:52:22.240
sense that this is a counterfeit and that if I go down this path I am

1565
01:52:22.240 --> 01:52:26.240
repeating the same thing that happened with my son's father and I'm just like I

1566
01:52:26.240 --> 01:52:29.800
want to bomb it like when I think about it like I it makes me nauseous now that

1567
01:52:29.800 --> 01:52:35.760
we're at this point and the fact that there's be it like yes there's some good

1568
01:52:35.760 --> 01:52:43.960
things here so I think you even being practical and reflective of hey I'm

1569
01:52:43.960 --> 01:52:49.080
aware that I have area like you are recognizing that the Lord is highlighting

1570
01:52:49.080 --> 01:52:58.200
areas that you need to work on 100% but I want you to pay attention to what is

1571
01:52:58.200 --> 01:53:03.800
drawing you out of second-guessing yourself you're very similar and I'm

1572
01:53:03.800 --> 01:53:08.000
gonna ask you this question I think I know the answer are you someone that

1573
01:53:08.000 --> 01:53:14.640
likes to like you're a person that is an organized structured wants to follow

1574
01:53:14.640 --> 01:53:21.160
rules I am that but I'm not the best at adhering to them and so I'm really

1575
01:53:21.160 --> 01:53:30.560
trying to yes no I I think that's where that's where that like this is where I I

1576
01:53:30.560 --> 01:53:40.280
can relate because I am like I want to give me the steps so that I can follow

1577
01:53:40.280 --> 01:53:45.760
them to put me on the right path like give me the process if you give me the

1578
01:53:45.760 --> 01:53:51.880
process I can follow the process I mean I'm a very like left brain like math

1579
01:53:51.880 --> 01:54:02.400
science like that that's my comfort zone so if you kind of fall in that same

1580
01:54:02.400 --> 01:54:10.600
pattern like you you want to kind of like you are aware like hey I want to

1581
01:54:10.600 --> 01:54:15.920
control like I have to can I have to heal this area of control so I have to

1582
01:54:15.920 --> 01:54:20.560
be open-minded here because that's what I'm being told mm-hmm

1583
01:54:20.560 --> 01:54:24.640
you know if I if I want people to do this for me then I have to do it for

1584
01:54:24.640 --> 01:54:28.160
others so that's gonna sit there and it's do you see how it's putting in this

1585
01:54:28.160 --> 01:54:33.000
area of confusion in conflict mm-hmm and there's doubt and there's you know

1586
01:54:33.000 --> 01:54:38.880
uncertainty you said the word insecure mm-hmm and I mean I even wrote down do

1587
01:54:38.880 --> 01:54:43.400
you have some shame and guilt yeah probably because I really want to

1588
01:54:43.400 --> 01:54:52.360
vomit and so you and you already know like that does not come from God yeah so

1589
01:54:52.360 --> 01:54:58.680
I want you to ask yourself like what's at the root of why like what's the fear

1590
01:54:58.680 --> 01:55:01.440
of you

1591
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:11.720
And making a decision and communicating that decision, what's holding you, what's holding

1592
01:55:11.720 --> 01:55:12.720
you?

1593
01:55:12.720 --> 01:55:13.720
Yeah.

1594
01:55:13.720 --> 01:55:16.600
Stepping, because you said to me, like, you kind of already knew, like, you weren't going

1595
01:55:16.600 --> 01:55:19.800
to move forward, but then there was the doubt.

1596
01:55:19.800 --> 01:55:20.800
Yeah.

1597
01:55:20.800 --> 01:55:27.240
And, and when I, when I see doubt, when you start doubting, like, we know doubt is not

1598
01:55:27.240 --> 01:55:28.240
from God.

1599
01:55:28.240 --> 01:55:29.240
That's from enemy.

1600
01:55:29.480 --> 01:55:30.480
Go to the garden.

1601
01:55:30.480 --> 01:55:32.520
That's the, that's what the serpent did.

1602
01:55:32.520 --> 01:55:37.080
But doubt, doubt in what did God really say?

1603
01:55:37.080 --> 01:55:41.040
Did he really tell you not to eat that?

1604
01:55:41.040 --> 01:55:44.040
Did he tell you that surely you wouldn't die?

1605
01:55:44.040 --> 01:55:46.760
Do you see how it's putting doubt?

1606
01:55:46.760 --> 01:55:51.440
Like, I don't know if God really told, are you sure God told you that?

1607
01:55:51.440 --> 01:55:52.440
Do you see?

1608
01:55:52.440 --> 01:55:57.000
And then all of a sudden you're like, wait, I got, I got to do it right.

1609
01:55:57.000 --> 01:55:58.000
I got to follow the rule.

1610
01:55:58.040 --> 01:56:00.040
I got to follow the process.

1611
01:56:00.040 --> 01:56:02.040
I want to, I want to fall in line with this.

1612
01:56:02.040 --> 01:56:06.120
I want to make sure that I'm showing up as a, as a person that I know, but do you see

1613
01:56:06.120 --> 01:56:10.840
how it's, it's like you said, it's counterfeit.

1614
01:56:10.840 --> 01:56:11.840
Yes.

1615
01:56:11.840 --> 01:56:12.840
Yeah.

1616
01:56:12.840 --> 01:56:16.040
It's being packaged like you're doing the right thing.

1617
01:56:16.040 --> 01:56:24.200
But so I want you to ask yourself, what is holding you on from saying, Hey, you can be

1618
01:56:24.200 --> 01:56:28.240
clear with this guy and kind of say, Hey, I really appreciate this time of getting to

1619
01:56:28.240 --> 01:56:29.240
know you.

1620
01:56:29.240 --> 01:56:34.240
And, you know, I need to make a decision, like some things are coming up that I I'm

1621
01:56:34.240 --> 01:56:35.760
realizing that I have to work on.

1622
01:56:35.760 --> 01:56:42.240
And so because of that, it's the honorable thing for me to do is, is to end this, it

1623
01:56:42.240 --> 01:56:46.480
will be honorable for me to do it and it's honorable for, it's honorable to you and it's

1624
01:56:46.480 --> 01:56:47.720
honorable to me.

1625
01:56:47.720 --> 01:56:50.300
I want to be honorable to the both of us.

1626
01:56:50.300 --> 01:56:58.740
And so, and then don't just let it go and then move on, like spend time with the Lord

1627
01:56:58.740 --> 01:57:06.060
and say, okay, Lord, what do you, what were you inviting me to learn from this healing

1628
01:57:06.060 --> 01:57:07.060
in this?

1629
01:57:07.060 --> 01:57:13.540
Like I told, like I've told all of you ladies, the whole dating process and all these like

1630
01:57:13.540 --> 01:57:21.260
opportunities would bring you to prepare for healing, to receive your spirit mate.

1631
01:57:21.260 --> 01:57:28.260
There were guys that I dated that I had to like navigate and go through some healing

1632
01:57:28.260 --> 01:57:35.540
stuff and I had to recognize things and it got uncomfortable for me at times.

1633
01:57:35.540 --> 01:57:46.180
But I had to, I had to show up differently to show myself like God's got me, I'm confident,

1634
01:57:46.180 --> 01:57:55.220
I can trust myself, I can trust God, God's revealing change in me, what, how have I transformed?

1635
01:57:55.220 --> 01:57:58.740
This is stuff that I still need to work on.

1636
01:57:58.740 --> 01:58:01.940
And then you get to lay that before the Lord.

1637
01:58:01.940 --> 01:58:06.580
So it's not, you don't have to beat yourself up for it.

1638
01:58:06.580 --> 01:58:12.700
What's going to start beating you up is if you kind of stay in the limbo of it.

1639
01:58:12.700 --> 01:58:13.700
Yes.

1640
01:58:13.700 --> 01:58:15.900
And that's, that's what happened because I was very confident.

1641
01:58:15.900 --> 01:58:17.060
I'm like, this is an issue.

1642
01:58:17.060 --> 01:58:22.540
I mean, I've never felt so confident in something because yeah.

1643
01:58:22.540 --> 01:58:26.220
And then what happened was I was waiting on a response and I was like, Lord, I really

1644
01:58:26.220 --> 01:58:30.420
need feedback because I want to make sure that I'm not, you know, basing this off of

1645
01:58:30.420 --> 01:58:36.740
me having unhealed lenses, you know, and then that's when I've started kind of doing

1646
01:58:36.740 --> 01:58:37.740
the back and forth.

1647
01:58:37.740 --> 01:58:38.740
But I,

1648
01:58:38.740 --> 01:58:41.460
And we're going to have unhealed lenses in, in relationship.

1649
01:58:41.460 --> 01:58:47.140
We're going to have unhealed lenses in our, in our relationships with our spirit mates.

1650
01:58:47.140 --> 01:58:51.020
And those opportunities, those opportunities are going to rise in and we're going to be

1651
01:58:51.020 --> 01:58:54.180
with someone, our spirit mate is going to be someone that we get to walk through that

1652
01:58:54.180 --> 01:58:55.780
process with.

1653
01:58:55.780 --> 01:59:00.140
And there is the consideration, the love, there is the comfort and knowing, you know,

1654
01:59:00.860 --> 01:59:01.860
I can trust this person.

1655
01:59:01.860 --> 01:59:02.860
It's been built.

1656
01:59:02.860 --> 01:59:04.340
It's been, the foundation is trust.

1657
01:59:04.340 --> 01:59:05.340
I can be vulnerable.

1658
01:59:05.340 --> 01:59:09.620
You, you're, there's going to be the comfort and the peace that that follows that there's

1659
01:59:09.620 --> 01:59:11.820
going to be, God is going to guide and direct you.

1660
01:59:11.820 --> 01:59:13.700
He's not going to fill you with the discomfort.

1661
01:59:13.700 --> 01:59:15.500
He's not going to fill you with confusion.

1662
01:59:15.500 --> 01:59:21.700
He's not going to fill you with, you know, doubt and, and chaos and shame and get like,

1663
01:59:21.700 --> 01:59:24.580
that's just not going to be from him.

1664
01:59:24.580 --> 01:59:26.500
But so you can trust that.

1665
01:59:26.620 --> 01:59:33.020
And I think you've given it a good amount of time and you've learned a lot in this process.

1666
01:59:33.020 --> 01:59:38.940
And so I think it's, you can feel confident in yourself and spend time with the Lord.

1667
01:59:38.940 --> 01:59:43.780
Like Lord, do you want me to look at my confidence?

1668
01:59:43.780 --> 01:59:46.100
Like what are you trying to show me here?

1669
01:59:46.100 --> 01:59:47.100
Yeah.

1670
01:59:47.100 --> 01:59:48.820
You know, it's okay to be reflective.

1671
01:59:48.820 --> 01:59:55.620
I don't want you to get into the space of figuring out, oh, he needed healing and he,

1672
01:59:55.620 --> 01:59:58.380
no, no, we all need healing.

1673
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:04.400
What is God doing in you in this situation to heal you?

1674
02:00:04.400 --> 02:00:07.520
What are you, what revelations are you getting

1675
02:00:07.520 --> 02:00:09.280
about your own healing?

1676
02:00:09.280 --> 02:00:13.000
It's not yours to pick up with what they need to heal.

1677
02:00:13.000 --> 02:00:17.600
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, and I don't want to be his mother.

1678
02:00:17.600 --> 02:00:19.360
And you don't, like you are,

1679
02:00:19.360 --> 02:00:22.520
and that's the thing is, as single moms,

1680
02:00:22.520 --> 02:00:25.160
being aware of when are we operating

1681
02:00:25.160 --> 02:00:28.920
in being a mother to someone,

1682
02:00:29.120 --> 02:00:33.880
because that sometimes can get very challenging.

1683
02:00:33.880 --> 02:00:35.080
You know, how to step out of,

1684
02:00:35.080 --> 02:00:36.120
especially as a single mom,

1685
02:00:36.120 --> 02:00:39.760
because we're being a mom all the time.

1686
02:00:39.760 --> 02:00:43.240
You know, we don't get to pass it on to someone else.

1687
02:00:43.240 --> 02:00:46.200
Like, it's your parent all the time.

1688
02:00:46.200 --> 02:00:50.840
And so, you know, recognizing when you're operating in that

1689
02:00:50.840 --> 02:00:53.840
is helpful, and it's healthy to recognize that.

1690
02:00:53.840 --> 02:00:57.640
And I think that's, you're gonna start seeing that balance

1691
02:00:57.640 --> 02:01:01.640
of what healthy relationship looks like

1692
02:01:01.640 --> 02:01:04.760
with someone who is a masculine,

1693
02:01:04.760 --> 02:01:06.920
marriage-minded, mature man,

1694
02:01:06.920 --> 02:01:09.800
and what does the divine masculine show up as,

1695
02:01:09.800 --> 02:01:11.080
and what is the divine feminine?

1696
02:01:11.080 --> 02:01:14.240
Because here's the thing, as single moms,

1697
02:01:14.240 --> 02:01:16.120
yes, we can be divine feminine,

1698
02:01:16.120 --> 02:01:19.560
but we have to be mindful of,

1699
02:01:20.520 --> 02:01:25.080
do we also show up in some masculine energy as well?

1700
02:01:25.080 --> 02:01:29.600
And that's just, and you have a son, right?

1701
02:01:29.600 --> 02:01:31.320
Yeah, I do too.

1702
02:01:31.320 --> 02:01:36.320
So you wanna, you almost feel like you've gotta

1703
02:01:36.880 --> 02:01:40.040
kind of embody some masculinity

1704
02:01:40.040 --> 02:01:42.680
because that's what you gotta pour into your son.

1705
02:01:43.840 --> 02:01:46.760
And so you just wanna be mindful of that,

1706
02:01:46.760 --> 02:01:47.960
and you wanna be careful of that.

1707
02:01:47.960 --> 02:01:52.960
And so, but be confident in yourself, all right?

1708
02:01:53.200 --> 02:01:54.480
You've done a really nice job

1709
02:01:54.480 --> 02:01:56.440
of walking through this process.

1710
02:01:57.560 --> 02:01:58.600
I appreciate it.

1711
02:01:58.600 --> 02:01:59.760
We never told you it was gonna be easy,

1712
02:01:59.760 --> 02:02:01.520
but it's gonna be worth it.

1713
02:02:01.520 --> 02:02:02.800
I just needed your perspective

1714
02:02:02.800 --> 02:02:04.600
because I feel like sometimes you get feedback

1715
02:02:04.600 --> 02:02:06.200
from people who are not single moms,

1716
02:02:06.200 --> 02:02:08.200
and it just, it changes everything.

1717
02:02:08.200 --> 02:02:09.040
It really does.

1718
02:02:09.040 --> 02:02:09.880
It does.

1719
02:02:09.880 --> 02:02:10.720
And I'm like, I can't wait.

1720
02:02:10.720 --> 02:02:12.520
And you need to, and learning how to not,

1721
02:02:12.520 --> 02:02:14.280
like to filter out the noise.

1722
02:02:14.280 --> 02:02:18.520
Like, you know, I believe in getting wise counsel

1723
02:02:18.520 --> 02:02:20.840
and getting people to pour into,

1724
02:02:20.880 --> 02:02:22.440
but sometimes you have to be cautious

1725
02:02:22.440 --> 02:02:25.840
of how many people are you getting to speak into you

1726
02:02:25.840 --> 02:02:27.160
because that can also,

1727
02:02:27.160 --> 02:02:30.920
the enemy can use that to lead you to confusion as well.

1728
02:02:30.920 --> 02:02:33.360
And so, you know, that's why,

1729
02:02:33.360 --> 02:02:36.600
like being able to kind of distinguish,

1730
02:02:36.600 --> 02:02:40.160
like which people and who,

1731
02:02:40.160 --> 02:02:44.160
and who am I going to that's confirming

1732
02:02:44.160 --> 02:02:45.360
what someone else says

1733
02:02:45.360 --> 02:02:47.520
that's not even communicating with one another.

1734
02:02:47.520 --> 02:02:49.920
Like that's, for me, like again,

1735
02:02:50.560 --> 02:02:52.480
this is what I do.

1736
02:02:52.480 --> 02:02:55.440
I'm going to people that are not related

1737
02:02:55.440 --> 02:02:59.960
and are they confirming what someone else has said to me

1738
02:02:59.960 --> 02:03:01.840
and then confirming something.

1739
02:03:01.840 --> 02:03:03.800
And that helps me, put me at ease,

1740
02:03:03.800 --> 02:03:07.760
but I'm not gonna keep sitting to keep finding more.

1741
02:03:07.760 --> 02:03:09.120
No, I need to hear it again.

1742
02:03:09.120 --> 02:03:09.960
I need to hear it again.

1743
02:03:09.960 --> 02:03:12.000
I need, because then when we do that,

1744
02:03:13.160 --> 02:03:16.000
the enemy knows that we're looking for that

1745
02:03:16.000 --> 02:03:18.320
and he sees an open door.

1746
02:03:19.240 --> 02:03:20.880
So we don't want that either.

1747
02:03:21.800 --> 02:03:23.320
Yes, thank you.

1748
02:03:23.320 --> 02:03:24.280
Okay, I'm gonna quickly,

1749
02:03:24.280 --> 02:03:25.440
cause we are out of time.

1750
02:03:25.440 --> 02:03:26.280
We were way out of time,

1751
02:03:26.280 --> 02:03:29.800
but I wanna read through Kathleen's profile.

1752
02:03:29.800 --> 02:03:31.840
I love Jesus and outdoors.

1753
02:03:31.840 --> 02:03:34.960
I like to keep my heart light and my soul honest,

1754
02:03:34.960 --> 02:03:37.160
truth with love, adventure, seeking joy,

1755
02:03:37.160 --> 02:03:39.200
daily confession and learning.

1756
02:03:39.200 --> 02:03:42.120
My carwash version of soul maintenance.

1757
02:03:42.120 --> 02:03:45.680
I'm a mom of three kids old enough to stay home alone,

1758
02:03:45.680 --> 02:03:50.000
young enough to live in full custody.

1759
02:03:50.000 --> 02:03:53.600
If you read this reply considered,

1760
02:03:53.600 --> 02:03:56.880
I live a hummingbird lifestyle.

1761
02:03:56.880 --> 02:04:00.800
I have a honey badger sweet, but strong in goals

1762
02:04:01.920 --> 02:04:05.920
and values tenacity face centered.

1763
02:04:05.920 --> 02:04:06.960
Okay, I'm starting,

1764
02:04:06.960 --> 02:04:10.400
I'll say Kathleen has made it through the replay here.

1765
02:04:10.400 --> 02:04:14.840
I'm seeing a lot of list, but I'm not picturing it.

1766
02:04:14.880 --> 02:04:18.360
We wanna be able to picture what this looks like.

1767
02:04:18.360 --> 02:04:20.760
So let's shorten that up

1768
02:04:20.760 --> 02:04:24.080
and let's just give some more, just more specifics.

1769
02:04:24.080 --> 02:04:26.640
Let's lay off some of the list.

1770
02:04:26.640 --> 02:04:27.480
Okay.

1771
02:04:29.200 --> 02:04:32.400
Like let us,

1772
02:04:32.400 --> 02:04:36.200
invite us into see what your lifestyle looks like.

1773
02:04:36.200 --> 02:04:41.200
You're describing it with very general words.

1774
02:04:41.480 --> 02:04:45.720
Like, what do you mean by hummingbird lifestyle?

1775
02:04:45.720 --> 02:04:47.880
Honey badgers, sweet, strong goals.

1776
02:04:47.880 --> 02:04:49.200
Okay.

1777
02:04:49.200 --> 02:04:54.200
Again, that women are gonna probably understand

1778
02:04:55.200 --> 02:04:58.160
a lot of that because we're very analytical.

1779
02:04:58.160 --> 02:04:59.000
Like we can,

1780
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:01.840
What is it that I'm working with?

1781
02:05:01.840 --> 02:05:06.280
Like the metaphors and the similes and the analogies,

1782
02:05:06.280 --> 02:05:08.040
but some men are gonna be like,

1783
02:05:08.040 --> 02:05:09.160
what does she mean by that?

1784
02:05:09.160 --> 02:05:14.080
Like men need a little bit more direct communication.

1785
02:05:14.080 --> 02:05:17.360
A lot of words, and I say this because my husband

1786
02:05:17.360 --> 02:05:19.420
is to remind me of this all the time.

1787
02:05:19.420 --> 02:05:21.000
If I start using a lot of words,

1788
02:05:21.000 --> 02:05:23.880
he's like, you're using too many words.

1789
02:05:23.880 --> 02:05:28.240
I just mean short, brief, powerful, clear, concise.

1790
02:05:28.240 --> 02:05:29.840
Paint the picture.

1791
02:05:29.840 --> 02:05:31.000
Like just paint the picture.

1792
02:05:31.000 --> 02:05:33.240
They need to visually see it.

1793
02:05:35.000 --> 02:05:40.000
So I would start there and then, yeah.

1794
02:05:41.200 --> 02:05:46.200
Like outdoors, like what does an outdoors lifestyle

1795
02:05:46.280 --> 02:05:47.120
look like?

1796
02:05:47.120 --> 02:05:48.800
What does your weekend consist of?

1797
02:05:50.800 --> 02:05:54.240
I love the wired for real connection.

1798
02:05:54.240 --> 02:05:56.180
Like that's what you're desiring.

1799
02:05:56.620 --> 02:06:00.300
Honest conversations, unfiltered.

1800
02:06:00.300 --> 02:06:02.420
Like you wanna be raw and real,

1801
02:06:02.420 --> 02:06:03.860
and you want someone that doesn't have to feel

1802
02:06:03.860 --> 02:06:07.940
like they have to put a filter on.

1803
02:06:07.940 --> 02:06:09.780
So that, I can see that.

1804
02:06:12.960 --> 02:06:13.800
Very, very good.

1805
02:06:13.800 --> 02:06:15.300
Okay, so all right.

1806
02:06:15.300 --> 02:06:16.540
I've spent enough time.

1807
02:06:16.540 --> 02:06:18.580
So ladies, thank you so much.

1808
02:06:18.580 --> 02:06:21.420
I know I got a few more messages,

1809
02:06:21.420 --> 02:06:23.620
but we are way out of time.

1810
02:06:24.620 --> 02:06:27.340
So definitely dump in the app

1811
02:06:27.340 --> 02:06:30.580
if any of you have any more questions.

1812
02:06:32.500 --> 02:06:36.220
Okay, Gail, thank you for explaining the put a pin.

1813
02:06:36.220 --> 02:06:38.740
I don't think Paulette is still on here,

1814
02:06:38.740 --> 02:06:41.980
but yes, like putting a pin in it is like,

1815
02:06:41.980 --> 02:06:43.420
just wait for an answer.

1816
02:06:45.240 --> 02:06:46.180
Okay, and then Susan,

1817
02:06:46.180 --> 02:06:50.500
you posted a question three days ago and a partial answer.

1818
02:06:50.500 --> 02:06:53.420
Okay, I will be looking for that as well.

1819
02:06:54.100 --> 02:06:56.380
My app has been crashing a lot.

1820
02:06:56.380 --> 02:07:00.460
So I'm gonna do like a hard shutdown

1821
02:07:00.460 --> 02:07:03.260
and see what I can do to figure out in the next few days

1822
02:07:03.260 --> 02:07:05.980
and get caught up on that.

1823
02:07:05.980 --> 02:07:07.700
Cause every time I go in and that's like,

1824
02:07:07.700 --> 02:07:09.060
I can click around a little bit,

1825
02:07:09.060 --> 02:07:10.620
then all of a sudden it crashes.

1826
02:07:10.620 --> 02:07:12.580
And then I have to go and redo it and then it crashes.

1827
02:07:12.580 --> 02:07:17.200
So I'm gonna work on that over the next few days this week.

1828
02:07:18.200 --> 02:07:20.220
So I will be looking for that.

1829
02:07:20.220 --> 02:07:23.060
And it was good to see you all.

1830
02:07:23.700 --> 02:07:26.180
Take care and I will see you all next week.

1831
02:07:26.180 --> 02:07:28.180
All right, have a good one.

1832
02:07:28.180 --> 02:07:29.020
Thank you.