All right, hello ladies, it's April 28th, it's 1 o'clock Eastern.
This is your Phase 2 Love Story Accelerator live call.
Carla Johnson, for those of you that don't know me, see some ladies popping on here right
at 12, 12 Central, 1 o'clock Eastern.
Come on camera if you can, I know I got myself and Gail.
You don't have to look like super done up, don't worry, I'm not today, all right?
We've had sickness just going through our home with me, with the kids, it's just been
crazy.
So, it's just us ladies, so don't worry about what you look like, but if you can, come on
camera, definitely do.
I know some people are at work.
Okay, and I got, is it, Shekinah's here with us, and Deanna, so good to see you.
How is everybody doing?
If you can't come on camera, I understand, but if you could say what's up in the chat,
that way I know you're with us, that would be good.
I know Kelly, Laura, I see Gail, always good.
We are going to tackle the lovely online profile today.
Ebony and I talked last week, and I think someone had posted, and I can't remember who
it was, really wanting some guidance on how to kind of create and put together a profile,
and you know, I remember when I was single and how to do that.
I struggled, like I, one, I have a hard time kind of talking about myself in regards to
like having to, you know, kind of market myself, if you will, kind of what it feels like when
you're doing online dating, like you're trying to put your best foot forward, and so that
was definitely something I was a little hesitant on doing, and I, you know, you feel like you
want to, you want to make it like say the right things, and so, you know, when someone
had mentioned that, Ebony and I kind of chatted real quick, and we're like, you know, let's
do this.
So that's the plan for today.
Hey, Peggy, how are you?
All right, she kind of is driving, good, yes, we don't want you in any accidents, so I get
you not coming on camera.
Laura, I'm so glad you got to visit with your daughter in Orlando, ah, Florida, I love Florida.
Orlando is always a very, very crowded place, so I would love to hear what you were able
to do there.
We often went to Disney when I lived there, when I lived in Sarasota, we were about two
hours away, so we had the Florida Disney passes, the Florida resident, so we often,
you know, took the two-hour drive and did the whole Disney thing, I know, people thought
I was crazy, but surprisingly, my youngest son was, he was a champ, you know, I really
do feel like he managed the Disney pretty well, like he was not your fussy kid that
you can sometimes see there, so that was a bonus of being able to live so close by to
it, so, Gail, you had a home in Northport, no way, that was so close, my son's biological
father lived in Northport, he now lives in Michigan, but yeah, so I know exactly where
that's at, all right, ladies, okay, I got a few more on, Kathleen, good to see you,
Kathleen and Peggy, I don't recognize you, are you ladies new this week, yes, yep, Peggy,
I see her saying yes, welcome, it's so glad to have you, Kathleen, is it your first week
as well, second week, awesome, perfect, okay, I'm getting some more ladies on, I got Karen,
Nancy, Kelly, Lovelette, is it Anali, did I pronounce that right, Anali, Anali, I love
that name, that's beautiful, it's your first week as well, no, I've been, I usually listen
to the recording, okay, good, well, I'm glad you made it today, that's awesome, we're definitely
glad to have you here, yes, so welcome, welcome, welcome to phase two, always, always good
to have some new faces on.
Definitely recommend whenever you can come to the lives.
I definitely love that we replay them,
like that we record them,
because one, if you miss it, you can go back and watch it.
Two, even when you're able to be here live,
it is really nice to be able to go back and rewatch.
And if you've been to the live,
you don't have to watch the whole thing over again.
You kind of can remember, oh, I wanted to be reminded
of one certain area, section, something like that.
And then you can kind of like fast forward
and find what it is that you're looking for.
So definitely, definitely good.
Oh my goodness, that's so cool
that your daughter works at Disney, Laura.
And the Animal Kingdom Lodge.
Yes, I love that resort.
They have all the animals there, y'all.
I definitely, when my son was younger,
we would stay and we'd definitely get one of the rooms
that you overlooked all the animals.
So he loved that.
It was always ideal.
So I'm glad that you had a really good time, Laura.
That's amazing.
So, okay, Kathleen,
we will spend some time chatting about that, okay?
So let me go ahead and just cover a couple housekeeping,
and then we will go ahead and jump into,
I'll pray us in.
We'll cover our teaching today,
which for those ladies that just jumped on,
we're gonna be kind of revamping
or creating our online dating profiles.
I'm gonna give you lots of tips there.
Should be pretty brief, okay?
And that's kind of what your activation
this week is going to be.
So if you've created a profile,
like an online dating profile already,
just go and clean it up a bit.
So use some of the tips that we share.
If you haven't, this is the perfect opportunity
to really learn more about like what would make
a really good, clear profile.
Like what do you wanna include?
If you know like right now is not a season
that you wanna jump on those dating apps,
I still want to encourage you to listen
and be thinking of how you can
maybe not create an online profile,
but how you would create a message
to send to some close family and friends
that you are open to being matched
and for them to be looking out for you
and letting them know, hey, I'm single
and I'm interested in being connected
with anybody that you can think of, okay?
So you can utilize a lot of what we share
this afternoon to that kind of message as well.
So even if you're like, oh, nope, Carl,
I'm not doing the dating profile.
I'm not going online dating
cause I know there's always somebody, always somebody.
And that's totally fine.
I don't, I totally get it.
Cause you know, online dating is not for the faint of heart,
but it will stretch us.
It actually does open us up to some, you know,
learning and growing opportunities, believe it or not.
Even if God has told us like, you know,
you're not gonna meet your person online.
You know, I get a lot of people that will say that.
Like, I'm not gonna meet my person online.
God already told me, which I'm not gonna argue with God
if that's what God told you, all right?
So maybe it's not about meeting your person.
Maybe it's about meeting people
that is going to prepare you for your person.
Think of it that way and take some pressure off.
So just something to be thinking about, be praying about.
Okay, welcome, welcome, welcome to the newest members
that are with us.
I really don't have a whole lot of,
it's kind of the typical housekeeping stuff.
If you're brand new, you know,
if you've got the five course content training videos,
make sure that you're watching one of those a week
or one at least every two or three weeks.
You don't have to like force yourself to do one a week.
If you kind of need to stretch it out,
that's totally fine too, okay?
We just say one a week so that you don't rush through it.
I'd rather you take your time than to rush through it, okay?
Sit and really like listen to what the content
is being shared there
and what the Lord wants to highlight to you
in that teaching, okay?
I know a lot of us sometimes are like,
I don't have a full hour to sit down and watch that.
Sometimes even just coming to a live call is like,
I've got like 30 minutes and I can pop in
and then I can go.
I've got to watch everything else and replay.
Totally understand.
That's also why we do replays
is because you can always pause it and come back to it.
So don't let that discourage you.
And then again,
don't forget that we do offer one-on-one sessions
with several of our dating coaches
here at Last Year Single.
They are an additional fee,
but many, many women and even the men,
because we have men that will utilize
the coaching, one-on-one coaching as well,
really do find it that it's useful
for more of a in-depth,
like get down to like some good,
like hard work that might need,
like unpacking,
like things that just really need to be unpacked
that we may not have the time to do on these group calls
because we have several questions that we want to get to.
And then we also have teaching on here as well.
And so we really do try to keep our time
to that hour, 15, hour and a half.
It's definitely something that I know myself,
really am trying to work on doing that
because I know I can oftentimes extend it,
but I need to get better at that.
And so if that is something that you do feel like
is going to be a very useful thing for you,
that is available.
Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and pray for us
and then we will get started, okay?
So Heavenly Father,
as we come before you and we thank you,
we thank you for each and every woman
that is on the call today
and every woman that's gonna watch and replay.
Lord, I just ask that you help bring clarity
to our mind and honesty in our hearts
as we step into this conversation today.
Lord, I ask that the ladies begin to see themselves
with the truth and the compassion
that you have for them.
And they see themselves in that lens.
Lord, I ask that we release any fear
that keeps us from being fully seen and fully known.
Lord, guide our hearts, our words as we learn to grow.
Give us wisdom, especially as we reflect on,
coming into what alignment, connection
and healthy relationship can look like in our lives.
That you have that for us and what that looks like.
What would that alignment look like for us?
What is it that you wanna do in our hearts
to connect us in that way?
Lord, I ask that we let go of any comparison,
any pressure, any perfectionism,
but instead, just that we lean more on authenticity,
your peace and the confidence
of who you've created us to be, Lord.
That you've created us to be a wife
and you have a husband created for us as well.
And so there's nothing that we have to be perfect for.
You've created with intention
exactly what we need when we need it.
Lord, I ask that you guide this time that we have together.
I ask that it's practical,
that I ask that it's eye-opening
and it's encouraging, that it's fun.
And that it just leads us to closer relationship
in our daily life, but even with each other.
You know, especially relationships
that are healthy, mutual, and life-giving.
I ask all of this in Jesus' name, amen.
All right, see who else has jumped on?
So good to see you all.
I think everyone's still here, that's good.
If you know that you are gonna have a question,
go ahead and put your hand up.
I know Gail's got a question, she's got her hand up.
That kind of helps your little avatar hand.
So yeah, Kathleen, I know you,
you were talking about like,
you feel like you made a mistake on dating,
so we wanna get to that too as well.
But for now, while we're waiting on that,
I definitely want us to start thinking
about our online dating profiles.
Nadine, your hand is not showing.
So ladies, if you're looking for that,
if you go under React,
there should, if you click on that icon,
I think it has like a heart, if I'm on my desktop,
so it will have a heart and it says React under it.
Then there will be a tab that says Raise Hand.
Okay, okay, good.
I got lots of questions, so definitely helps me know
that we need to get through our material,
so I don't wanna take too long getting sidetracked.
Yes, Kelly. Yes. Bring a godly single man right there to her doorstep. Amen. I love
that. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Good, good, good. Awesome. And yes, Nadine, I see your hand
now. Perfect. Okay. So yeah, I want you ladies, if you have your online dating profile, if
you want to pull it up, you can. Okay. But you are at some point this week, I want you
to look at it. Okay. You don't have to do it at this very moment, but I want you to
be thinking about it. Definitely get your notes out so that you can be taking helpful
notes. And again, if you're not online and you're like, I'm not doing the online dating
thing, Carla, don't check out. You are still going to be able to apply all of this to
how you're going to communicate to close friends and family that you're single and you are
open to being matched. Okay. So there's ways of doing that. We can, we can incorporate
some of these, these things. Okay. So the goal here is not to make your profile perfect.
Because guess what, ladies, there is no, no such thing as perfect. All right. The goal
when you're creating an online dating profile is to be clear. You want clarity. You want
to show what it is that you are looking for. Okay. If there's no clarity there, there's,
it's going to be very hard to find a connection because it's just clarity will lead to confusion.
So it's really, really, really important, especially my ladies that are like, I don't
want to waste my time. I get it. No one ever wants to waste time, but one way that we can,
you know, help guide that. Okay. Cause again, we can't look at everything as it didn't work
out. So it wasted my time because God can use every opportunity. It's not always a time
waster. It might not have an outcome we were hoping for, but it doesn't mean that it was
wasted. Okay. But we can direct quality based on being clear. So that's the goal. And that's
where that frustration can come in is like, there's a mismatch. There's confusion. Well,
if we're not clear in the very beginning, especially when we're, you know, we're going
through people's profiles. Okay. And they're looking through several dozens of profiles as
well. I mean, it gets, it can get overwhelming. I mean, is there anyone that's like, nope, Carla
dating online dating is not overwhelming. I'd be surprised if anyone's like Carla,
I don't find online dating overwhelming because I'd question whether or not you're being truthful
with me. Cause y'all, I did the online dating thing for several years prior to heartwork and
prior to meeting Jackie. And then even while I was in heartwork and, and, you know, doing Jackie's
program here. So, um, so number one, you want to be clear. Okay. On what you want.
All right. Um, so this can just be like one clear sentence about what your intention is.
All right. It can be something like, Hey, I'm ready for a meaningful relationship.
Okay. That's honest. It's clear. All right. It's I'm looking for something intentional and long-term
personally for me, I didn't like adding, like, I'm looking for marriage.
That word marriage will sometimes freak men out. Okay.
And I say that not because marriage minded men aren't ready, but there are a lot of women out
there that are so hyper-focused on the marriage that they want to scoot past all the getting to
know you part and kind of get really intense with the, where's this going before they actually get
to know you. And so women like women can kind of come off pretty strong. It's not very feminine.
And so if men want to lead and they want to be the ones to lead that. And the women are like,
all right, you know, do you want to get married? Like, um, I just met you.
Or, I haven't even met you, I'm just reading your profile.
Alright, but that doesn't mean that you can't be clear, like, I'm here to be intentional
and I'm wanting a meaningful connection and a relationship that's going to be long-term.
That's going to go somewhere.
There's intentionality there, okay?
This is really helpful because a man that actually is serious about it, he's going to
be scanning for that, most likely.
And if he's reading through, he's going to want confirmation that, hey, this woman is
in alignment with what I'm looking for.
She's serious about connection, she's not just looking to, you know, get dates or get
meals paid for, okay?
And again, like, when you're vague, you're not avoiding rejection.
You're actually going to be attracting the misalignment.
If you're vague, you're going to attract all sorts of things.
Clarity is going to help minimize any of the rejection because that rejection is, and rejection
isn't bad.
Rejection isn't a negative thing.
We used to say rejection was God's protection.
You want to be rejected by what is not for you, but we all have probably experienced
what rejection feels like and it doesn't feel good, especially if we have some wounds and
some triggers with rejection.
That's the last thing that we want to kind of, you know, open ourselves up to.
So as long as we're clear, like, hey, I'm looking for intentional relationship, okay?
Then we can kind of eliminate anyone else, all right?
That doesn't mean that there are going to be some unattracted because you're looking
for intentionality and they're not, but they're like interested because y'all, you ladies
are good looking.
You have a lot to offer.
So they're going to be interested, okay?
That's when you step into your discernment.
That's when you get to read through their profile and you get to decide, does this seem
like it aligns with where I'm at, okay?
But this will help you kind of filter through some of that, all right?
So clarity might feel vulnerable, but it's going to save you some time and energy, believe
it or not, okay?
Okay, second thing, you don't want to put anything in your profile that's very generic.
Let's be specific, okay?
You want to avoid your profile being able to fit anybody's profile.
Does that make sense?
Like it shouldn't just belong to anyone.
It should really say something about you.
It's got personality to it.
It's specific, okay?
So instead of saying something like, I love to travel and have fun, well, okay, that explains
a lot of people, all right?
So you might say like, hey, I enjoy going on one trip a year.
Last year, I went here.
This year, I plan to go to Boston, like wherever, okay?
And be authentic.
Like if that's you, share that.
Be specific about that.
If you love to travel, give us some specifics about that.
Don't be generic.
Oh, I like to travel.
Okay, well, great, but what does that look like for you, okay?
Do you travel internationally?
Do you travel locally?
Like what does that look like, okay?
It's memorable.
You want to be memorable.
You want someone to be able to easily engage with you because, again, you're on a screen
right now.
And so you want something that's going to at least stand out and be very relatable and
personable to hopefully create a memorable, like, hey, I really love that, and there was
some specifics about that.
And then you can actually create something that's memorable.
conversation that way. The third thing, y'all, show your real life. Show your real
life. Not what you hope it will look like or what you wish you were stepping into
looking like, but what is your actual lifestyle like? You know, are your
weekends filled with, you know, working out and spending time with your friends
and, you know, going to new restaurants? Is that what you like to do on your
weekends? What does your weekend look like? On average, what does
your weekend look like? You know, what are your weeknights look like? You know, do
you have certain classes, certain Bible studies that you go to? You know, do you
enjoy cooking? Like, are you someone that stays home and cooks for yourself and
or invites people over and friends and family over to cook during the week? What
does that look like? What does an average weekday, weeknight, weekend look like for
you? What is your lifestyle? You know, do you like to watch, you know,
just chill? Like some of us on weekends, we are so busy from work during the week
or with our kids and then we're just like, come weekend, I just want to
relax. You know, or if you have kids, like maybe it's like, you know, my weekends
consist of baseball fields. My life is literally, I live at a
baseball field. Like for the last weekend and the next three weekends, I will be at
a baseball field and you'll probably see me in the next couple weeks, my face is
going to be sunburned because I will be outside all day long, Saturday and Sunday,
as long as it doesn't rain here in Texas. But that's kind of what our life
consists of. So you might be a single mom that has some, you know, active kids and
you're at sporting events, like share that. You don't want to, now that's an
area you might not get specific on, not sharing specifics about your kids, but
you can share, I have three kids and we spend a majority of our weekends going
to parks and playing sports. You don't have to be super specific, but you're at
least inviting a person in to realize, oh this woman's a single mom, then when
they're scanning that, if that's something that they're not looking for
and they want that they're maybe spontaneous and want to go away on trips
on weekends, they're gonna see your profile and know, well that doesn't
really align with where I'm at in my life. I like to travel and go to different
places and if this woman has children that she's having to
take to dance and you know baseball and you know she's spending time going to
the park with, then she's probably not available to do those things. So I'm not
gonna reach out to her even though she's a really cool, looks like a
really cool, interesting woman because we're not in alignment. Or he is
interested, but he hasn't really thought through, like he likes to travel all the
time and you've got a lifestyle that doesn't really allow that and you go
look at his profile and you kind of see that and then you get to kind of share
with him, hey thank you so much for the like and thanks for reaching out. I
checked out your profile, you look like an incredible guy, but I noticed like our
lifestyles don't seem to align. I shared that I'm really busy
with volunteer work at the church and so I don't get a lot of time to
go away for long weekends and I see that's something that you enjoy to do
and so I just don't know if that really has us in alignment with one another.
But I wish you the best of luck and again thank you for reaching out, I was
really flattered. Do you see how that can avoid rejection and avoid clouding any
like time and effort and like confusion because you're actually looking for
clarity and alignment. So like people are gonna want to imagine what is it to
have to do life with you and not just reading about you, but that what does
that look like? What does your lifestyle look like? So putting one or two lines
about that.
super helpful and you don't have to sound impressive. This is not about, you
know, impressing someone because you're afraid no one's going to choose you.
Because if you say something that's impressive but not really actually what
your lifestyle is like, guess what? There's gonna be disappointment and
confusion and misalignment because eventually you're gonna realize that
maybe they weren't clear or they're gonna realize that you aren't. And so
it's gonna be really important that, you know, there's accuracy and they get to
see exactly how enjoyable you are. You're not impressive, you're enjoyable. Does
that make sense? The next one, and this is a big one I get a lot of ladies
asking about, is including faith in your profile. If your faith is something that
matters to you, absolutely put it in there, okay? But there are guardrails to
this, okay? This is where a lot of ladies get tripped up, okay? I want you to
include faith in a simple, honest, and like with integrity, okay? You're not
putting your faith in there to be used as a way to filter or test somebody. If
that's where your posture is, it will backfire, I assure you, okay? So an
example of how you can do this is saying something like, you know, my faith is
important, is an important part of my life. You know, my Sundays include, you
know, church and going out to brunch with family and friends. You are giving a
snapshot of what your faith entails. Maybe my faith is important and I really
enjoy going to Bible study every Wednesday and then going to brunch and
connecting with my small group on Sunday. What does that look like for
you? What you need to avoid, okay ladies, what's really important here, and I say
this with a lot of love, okay, is you want to avoid long, heavy explanations,
lists of spiritual requirements, and language that's going to feel like
they're being screened or you're screening somebody to measure what their
faith is.
You want your profile, and Jackie will teach this, it should signal alignment,
not controlled outcomes. When we start listing spiritual, like, lists of what we
are, we need this, we need that, and this is how, like, it, and like these spiritual
requirements, like you're screening something, it will show up and be
perceived as control. And ladies, if you've watched The Divine Feminine,
that's not feminine. Control is just a gentler way, in my opinion, to say
manipulation, and I say that lovingly because, ladies, I am someone who likes to
control things. That is an area God consistently is working with me on, even
in marriage, and even in my parenting. I have to really spend time with the Lord
as to what the sense of needing control, and like, what, why is that? What's the
root of that? What do I need to work on? And so, if you recognize that you kind
of have this list of spiritual guidelines, like, they have to, they have
to go to church every Sunday, and they need to know the Lord for ten years, at
least, and they can't be a new believer, like, you will hear Jackie often say, it's
not about where someone's been, it's about
where they're going, because even the most seasoned believer has flaws.
Seasoned believers can also have moments where they hit droughts, and so it's not always
about their gifts.
It's about inspecting their fruit.
Are they peaceful?
Do they have joy?
Are they kind?
Is there a gentleness?
Do they practice self-control?
Now that doesn't mean that they're going to do it perfectly, but 80% of the time if you're
spending time with these people, because again, you're not just making these decisions after
one date, now there are going to be some things that you're like, oh, that's not in alignment
with me, and those are the flags.
These are the non-negotiable things, and that might lead us.
We say it's a yes until it's a no, but we want to be open.
Give yourself two to three dates, maybe a month.
That should probably be about a month if you're dating someone and going on two or three dates
that roughly is probably around a month.
That's a good pace, okay?
Doesn't mean that it, you know, you might be able to go on two dates a week, so that
might look a little different, or if you, like I was a single mom, so I was only able
to really plan dates like once every two weeks, and so it might have stretched a little bit
for me.
When our faith becomes really over rigid, it's often fear that's trying to create certainty.
That's where a lot of that control and like lists come from, is we're trying to like keep
ourselves safe, and it really does show that we don't trust God, that we have to kind of
control that.
We want to really be open.
We don't want to be closed off to healthy connection, and like I said at the beginning
of this, like you may not meet your spirit mate online dating, but you might meet someone
that's preparing you for your spirit mate, okay?
And again, like we're not looking for perfect performance out of people, perfect faith out
of somebody, perfect, you know, spiritual walk out of somebody.
I mean, if we had to look at ourselves, like would we say we've done that perfectly?
I know myself, I haven't always done it perfectly, so we don't want to misrepresent and look
at what that, you know, can be.
We want to look for shared values and a willingness to grow.
Are your values shared?
You are going to want someone who believes in Jesus.
Do you align with your beliefs that Jesus is your savior?
That's important.
There are some key rooted things that, yes, I want to encourage you to be looking for
that, but we're not going to be rigid and being like this is a checklist.
Tips for adapting these socializing meeting guys in person, if you meet them at church.
So obviously if you're meeting them at church, you're going to, they're obviously at church,
okay?
So that's the thing.
And then meet up.
Again, the meet up, you are going to, if you want, when you're meeting them and you're
talking to them organically, bringing up your faith is okay.
You know, tell me, tell me something that you're passionate about in your life.
And that's a question that you're asking them and then they're going to share what they're
passionate about.
And you'd be like, Oh, I really love hearing that.
You know, something that I'm passionate about is, you know, helping out at my church and
the volunteer work that we do.
Like that's really something that is really, you know, it, it hits to my core, it gets
to my heart, like, and it's something that I've really been focusing on a lot lately.
It's, you know, part of my life, like this is what I do every week.
And you see how you kind of integrated in there.
naturally and
Then you get to kind of see how they engage and react and you may or may not see right off hand
Where they're at with that and that's okay because right now you're just looking
Do I enjoy getting to know this person?
What fruit am I seeing and is it a yes and until it's no
Okay, let's keep moving on here
You definitely want to share what you're looking for on your profile, okay
But in a way that it's gonna invite alignment not in a way that it's gonna be like a checklist or a screening
Okay
So I would say like focusing more on like relationship like what kind of relationship you want to experience
Just not a list of traits. Like you're not gonna want to sit here and say you have got to be six five
Well, that would be really tall if you're really tall then I could understand that like you have to be
You know certain high you need to be athletic. You need to be you know, like not these checklist things
you have to be financially secure and have a set job like
Yes, you're gonna want to see that maturity in them because that's part of the what we talked about being married
You know the three M's
But
You're gonna be wanting like what at the core are you looking for?
You know, are you looking for a relationship that has consistency?
open communication
Someone who genuinely wants to do life
with someone I
Want a relationship that is centered on the person being my best friend
That I can share and be open to
You can be vulnerable with
That's my goal like that's what I would like to find at
By Cummings on this on this journey, and it doesn't mean that I'm gonna find it right away
But I'm that's what I'm looking for
you know, we're not gonna sit here and do these long paragraphs and these manifestos of you know,
You don't want to get overly detailed, but just you know
One or two lines of what do you naturally want to want to have?
You know, you want to phrase things also positively
so avoid the
No drama, I don't want drama like anything that has a negative in it remove it
Okay, don't message me if you did it. Okay, we want to be positive
Because when we start listing the negatives
Guess what? That sounds like you got a lot of wounds and
healthy mature
Masculine marriage minded men. They're gonna see that and they're gonna be like
Doesn't sound like she's really fully healed. It sounds like she's got some some stuff that she's
Kind of carrying with her that she's still hurt by
So we want to be positive
Okay, so we don't want to be like look I'm looking for
You know
Someone who is going to be, you know, have integrity and honesty and you know
Be be willing to be vulnerable and and share, you know
life together
be best friends with
You know someone who's gonna be emotionally available and who's going to communicate well
That's what I'm looking for
Okay
I'm making sure that I'm not skipping anything
Make sure that you're not
You make sure that your profile ladies matches
With
What you're sharing in your words, so like your photos your tone your energy
It actually should reflect who you are like make sure
Your profile actually matches who you are. Does that make sense?
If you're bubbly
Like
It's not gonna sound monotone
All right, it's not gonna sound scripted
All right
So if you are if you've got a little bit of a sense of humor you're gonna have a little sense of humor in
There okay
Also leave room for discovery
You know, don't overdo this, like, my ideal person is this, like, be clear enough to attract
the right people, like, be open enough that it's going to develop, like, that you're leaving
room for something to develop.
There's something intriguing about that.
You know, like, for example, like, I'm at a place where I'm ready for a meaningful relationship,
so something grounded, fun, and built on good communication.
So all right, see you later, Laura.
So you want something grounded, but it also shows, like, you are someone fun and likes
adventure maybe.
Like, it needs to align with who you are.
In your profile, I want you to show your emotional availability.
You know, you can include subtle cues that you're open and ready.
Like, I value communication and consistency, I appreciate honesty.
And when someone, you know, especially with someone who shows up, it shows to people
that you're not guarded, that you're available for something that's actually real, okay?
There can be language in our profiles that will signal that we are not emotionally available.
And also, as you read men's profiles, you will become aware of what that looks like
on a man's profile.
You know, definitely add your personality.
You know, don't always, like, again, if you are someone who has a sense of humor, definitely
bring that to the table, but we don't want to overdo it, okay?
Don't hide behind your humor.
Like, you can have a sense of humor, but if that's all you're showing up, typically when
we hide behind humor, that's a signal that we're kind of, like, there's an insecurity
there.
Like, we're not really comfortable in our skin, so we're kind of being sarcastic, if
you will.
Like, make sure that the tone sounds like you.
Like, you can say, I'm equal parts structured and spontaneous, okay?
You can give examples of what that might look like.
Like, hey, I'm a great planner.
You know, I'm your go-to person when, you know, you're planning a weekend trip with
friends.
However, I can still, you know, laugh when things don't go as planned.
I mean, obviously, these are things that you're going to say if that's actually who you are.
Okay, gotcha, Nadine.
Yes, you can go last.
Yes, and I have to look for your video.
My videos haven't been playing recently, so, but I did see, and I did respond to you, Nadine.
So, yeah, you definitely want authenticity to create your connection and not performance.
Like, you're not trying to perform.
You're just trying to show up as who you are.
Photos.
You want your photos to match your life, okay?
Your photos have just about as much weight as your words.
Especially, I mean, let's be real.
Like, even when we're scrolling, ladies, we're looking at those photos.
I don't know about you, but when I was scrolling those photos and I get men in their selfies
and their, like, shirtless, you know, selfie shots and in the gym, like, that just was
not, I was just like, I'm not.
That was often, like, not something I was attracted to.
I mean, it would take a very, like, sincere, authentic, intentional, written profile that
wasn't, like, AI'd to make me possibly, like, maybe 1% swipe right and kind of give a little
grace on a photo like that.
But majority of the time when I saw that, I'm like, yeah, that's not what I'm looking for.
I'm not looking for that, all right?
I'm looking for, and men are gonna be looking for, ladies,
and you are probably looking for, you know,
what's that first impression?
Does it show the real you?
Like, is it, if you're talking about your lifestyle,
you're talking about your lifestyle,
do your pictures represent your lifestyle, okay?
That first photo, you're gonna want to be a clear,
good lighting, natural expression.
You don't want sunglasses in that first shot.
Just like an approachable headshot,
something that's inviting.
You definitely want to include a full body shot, okay?
And this isn't for vanity.
It's just literally for transparency.
I mean, ladies, let's be real.
The last thing that we want when you all are looking
is seeing outdated photos,
maybe just some photos of the head up,
and then you get on the date
and they look nothing like the photos.
They might be 50 pounds heavier in real life
than what you feel like was shown on their profile photo,
or maybe they've, you know, lost a lot of weight
and they just, like, they don't look the same,
and you're just like,
that's not really what I was anticipating.
There's gonna be a little bit of a,
you're gonna go into that meeting, that person,
and be a little setback.
So you want your photo,
you don't want your photos to set somebody back.
So it actually, a lot of women,
and I've heard this,
they will get concerned about trusting a person
because their photos don't match what they look like.
So I encourage you ladies to post photos
of what you actually look like.
You also do not want photos
that leave people guessing which one is you.
What do you really look like?
Who are you?
Now, if in your profile,
you talk about being a very social person
and being out in groups,
then you can include a picture,
I would say one, no more than two,
of you in a group of people,
because that's your lifestyle.
But if you do that,
make sure that there's not a question about
like which one's you.
You don't want people not sure of who you are.
Make sense?
Obviously, recent photos.
You don't want,
you don't want filters.
Okay, heavy filters especially,
because again, they're gonna show up
and then you're not gonna look like that.
All right.
You don't want to feel like there's that misalignment.
You don't want these over curated try hard photos,
like those glamor shot photos,
unless that's part of your life.
And I say that because we have a handful of women,
like a couple that are coming to mind
that one in particular, she's been in the program.
She probably came a couple years after me.
She actually does beauty pageants.
So like that's her life.
So when she posts photos,
like she does have photos of her at her pageants,
because that's part of her life.
It's part of her, like what she does.
Like she has certain things
that are just really near and dear to her heart
about like what she,
like what's the word I'm looking for,
like philanthropy work.
And so she shares that with her pageants and stuff.
And so that shows up.
So if that's you, then yes, that's understandable.
But if like these overly done up photos,
like you don't want,
it might be nice to put one photo up there
if like you have a professional business photo
or something that you had to get professionally done
and that you just really love how you look there.
And when you actually do put yourself together,
like it looks like you.
For example, like my professional photos,
photo I often when I get ready I typically am not wearing my glasses and I will typically curl my
I have a lot of them.
hair and I will add makeup and it looks like me okay is that how I show up all the time no but
I have a lot of them.
can I include that photo in a an online profile but then also include photos of what I look like
on a regular absolutely but you don't want all the glamour shot photos all the done up photos
if that's not really what you show up like all the time it's okay like my husband when he was
dating me wanted natural like shots of me and I actually he's like I want to see a picture because
when I was not well he's like I'm gonna I'm gonna see a photo of you with you being sick because
when we first started chatting like I was under the weather and he's like well let me see a photo
and I don't typically send photos like that but I was like something was like you know what it's
harmless and I'm like eventually if this is my person you'll see see what I look like with no
makeup and and it's not coming out my nose I mean obviously I was not like sending him a nasty look
I mean I still try to like angle it right you know but I didn't have makeup on my hair was
probably not washed for a couple days um I had my glasses on and um see you later Kathleen um
definitely post in your um I think she just jumped off hopefully hopefully she's listed her question
because I know she had something to share um and I'm almost done here so then we can take questions
so um so yeah like don't do excessive selfies all right anything that feels like a performance
just eliminate that natural candid relaxed photos is going to actually build trust and connection
um and then you can even add a photo that's going to be a conversation starter so something that
might be like a travel moment um maybe a specific hobby that's interesting um something that was
unique like a unique setting or a unique place that you went that you have a picture of um with
you in it um that way if they message you there is like some conversation starter there okay um
and so that's the next the next thing that conversation starter you know when you're
adding into your profile don't be afraid to you know put something in there like
that prompts them with something to ask you about so like for example if you are someone who enjoys
traveling then you can say hey you know ask me about the one time that I um got on the wrong
flight to a different city like whatever I mean I don't know if that's actually can happen now but
you know something that would have that is a story that you can share like someone's gonna ask you
okay so I have to know about this tell me more about this and it's a way for you to kind of share
something unique about yourself so don't be afraid to put that in there um and then um
and the last thing I want to share with you ladies is just the final mindset shift
um your profile is not going to be about like being liked by everyone
okay um you you're really just wanting to attract and wreck like have someone that's the right person
recognize you okay and so when you're writing your profile it's not about like does this sound
impressive it's more like does this really feel like it represents who I am like does this reflect
like does this reflect the kind of relationship that I want
is it authentic all right um so I want you ladies this week part of your activation is
looking at your online profile or if you haven't created one create one if you're not doing online
dating then you're going to create like some sort of um you know relationship like prompt
to share with your friends and family um but if you are looking at your current profile I want you
to ask like is there anything I can change in my profile that can like give it a little facelift
okay can I be more clarifying in my profile is there some better photos that I can put
and am I being maybe too general and generic and that I need to be a little bit more specific
um then you know maybe you might need to express a better way to
Like what it what it is that you want. So I want you to start there and
Be thinking about that. So
So you're just you're either creating a new online profile
You're you're giving your your current one a facelift a little little revamp or like a relationship readiness
message for
Your friends and family sound good
And then you guys can share that in the app
So this isn't about creating perfect profiles. Remember that it's not about perfection
It's it's really about creating honest clear
What who you are and what you're looking for so that the right person is gonna recognize you
Okay, because the last thing you want is attracting people that are out of alignment with with you
Okay, and so I'm gonna quickly I see you still got some hands. We've got about you know, 30 35 minutes here
I'm gonna go through some of the the chat here. I think I answered Patty's that's good
I
Did see something
Okay, I got Kathleen so I'm gonna look through hers here in a moment I did see something and I don't think she's on here
Using chat GBT cheap GPT, okay
I've thought about this Ebony and I've actually had conversation about this. I
I
Really like using chat
GPT or a way to polish something
But I wouldn't encourage you to have it create your profile I
Would rather see that you've created something and then you've thrown it in and then it
Polishes it so that it reads a little more organized. Does that make sense?
So someone was like hey
You can use use chat to make sure the profile sounds feminine short brief and explains you but you're gonna have to be
specific and you're gonna have to build out something and
So what you can do is you could take what your profile is and literally copy-paste it and
Ask it to polish it make it sound, you know, make it shorter make it brief make it
you know be a little more feminine, but here's the thing if you struggle with being feminine and
That's something that the Lord is really working with you on
if you are writing a profile
If you are writing a profile that is going to read like you're very feminine
Is that who's gonna show up when you meet in person?
Think about that
But those are the kinds of questions
I want you to ask yourself when you are if you're using some sort of AI to kind of help guide you I
Really want to encourage that you spend time
Really writing about yourself and the reason I say that is because that in of itself
Can be a door of healing
It really does open up you to sit there and reflect
on yourself in your heart and
so that process of you sitting with that
can actually unlock and
highlight
anything that the Lord wants to walk you through and
so
I'm glad she said that because that was something that I even was chatting with
Ebony with I'm like, hey, I know we've talked about this before because we she and I have talked about
This and I was like, I
don't like I really do feel led to share with you ladies like
let's refrain from
Using like an AI to develop our profile
Sit with it and
you can even ask friends to help you because they know who you are your close friends and then if you want to use a
Like an AI to polish it that for sure, but it needs to sound like you
Like you wrote it
Like it's you talking about yourself, okay
Karen okay, I will look at that my my app has been like
crashing a lot lately on my desktop so I will be diving into that these next
several days and trying to get myself like caught up and hopefully troubleshoot
what's going on. I've used it yes to help you form ideas and change words to make
it yes exactly using it to kind of tighten up your words that you've
already written absolutely that's always helpful I do that like with my emails
especially like my kids teachers like I got three kids and sometimes I can be
very like I'm on a mission and I'm very like go get it done like and my emails
to to their teachers can sound rigid and sound like harsh and I used to be a
teacher and I'm like I need to like really track the tone and so I'll put
what I I'll type up an email and then I'll copy and paste it mean like you
know polish this and then I might need it to make it sound a little softer or
more make it sound like I'm wanting to partner with them and not like feel like
I'm coming against them like that I'm frustrated with something that they did
or like I want their support and like you know holding my kids accountable to
something like I want to partner with them and so that is something that I've
used it for so that is one thing okay so I'm gonna go read through Kathleen and
then I've got I know Nadine wants to go last Teresa I got Teresa I got Karen I
got Kelly and I've got Gail and then I'll go Nadine so I'm gonna write those
down in that order so that I don't forget because things pop around I don't
know why all of a sudden my screen just jumps from one person to the next so I
said what Teresa Karen Kelly Gail and Nadine okay actually Gail and Karen were
before me if you want to do that Carla that's fine okay okay got it so we'll go
Karen I'm gonna go Karen Kelly Gail Teresa Nadine okay Karen Kelly Gail
Teresa I think Gail was before me okay well let's just stick with what I got
there because it's all swapped on mine as well and then I'm because I also need
to make time to read over Kathleen's so that way she watches it and replay we
can kind of attack her her profile and so I think that'll be good so that if
she goes back and watches that then we can give her some feedback there and I
think that is that is it okay all right so Karen yes how are you okay I'm doing
well I'm doing well good in the process I gotta go back and look at your stuff
yeah um when it kind of give me it just like a brief synopsis here like let's
like three minutes here yeah I got it here basically I'm asking for feedback
I on a dream and information about a man just discerning concerning what to do
about him okay I don't I don't know if you want me I'll just let's do let's do
the thing on the man because with dreams I typically have to sit with Holy
Spirit okay and sometimes like I sometimes dreams I don't interpret
dreams like very clearly unless God is really specific like I'll know if God's
speaking something or not does that make sense right I don't want to like I like
to sit with that a little bit and spend time with that so let's talk about but
you said you put the thing of the dream did you put that in the and I put it all
yes I put it all in okay and then two separate posts okay so let's let's go
for this guy like what you're discerning with this gentleman yes and and and the
reason I just one sentence about the dream was just I just unexpected just
sensed I needed to get to know him better okay so it was the main point you
know it was a pretty clear dream okay but I'm going slow because I want to be
wise so so the part about the man the reasons I decided it wasn't best for me
to continue dating him okay although I would have enjoyed him as a friend is
what I finally realized is what I realized
After three in-person dates, he has lots of good qualities,
like mature and just all kinds of things.
One of them, you know, the first thing,
the main thing is just him being unaware
of a number of people feeling uncomfortable with him
when he's, he was like doing a kind of witnessing thing.
Okay, so I noticed that he was not aware of it.
Some other people responded to him well, you know,
he is called as a, you know, evangelist, whatever.
So I was just aware of his, that insensitivity.
So that was one thing.
And yeah, so that was one of the main thing.
Also, he just suddenly put someone down, you know,
in the store who was in one department.
We asked where something was.
It was in another department.
He said, you should know that, you know, in the, you know,
so I'm just into being respectful and considerate.
So he just didn't see himself.
So the number two reason I felt hesitant,
and I'm, I guess I'm looking,
is this yellow flags or red flags?
So number two.
Okay, keep going.
Okay, okay, number two,
he didn't want to pay $12 for a smoothie for me
when we went there because it was too expensive,
but offered to buy the $6 one, you know,
and I wrote in there for perspective,
I think he owns a small home from what I'm aware of,
but doesn't have a dog because it was too expensive.
So he apparently needs to be careful with finances.
So that's number two.
I know there's a balance with all that.
Number three, concerning his health,
he seemed too unhealthy
because of like poor food choices, et cetera,
but he does like play pick a ball
or tennis six days a week, you know,
so I could just tell looking at him,
I was like, hey, you know, there's something,
I don't know, just didn't look good.
And number four, and I know he doesn't,
he's got some unhealthy stuff
and I think he's aware of it to some degree
from some reactions.
And number four, concerning his appearance,
I didn't feel attracted to him physically
on our third date in the store
and realized, you know, I wouldn't want to kiss him.
He just seemed too old
because he has a lot more wrinkles,
but you know, that's not a big deal.
He's about four years older.
So I'm just trying to, I'm going slow.
I want to be wise.
I'm, you know, I just want to, anyway.
Well, I think the good thing
is that you gave it three in-person dates.
Yeah, yeah.
Like that's good, I like that.
And so there were things that you recognized.
And so I don't, like, I think that was wise.
I think that's healthy.
So moving forward, like ways that like,
if this kind of experience happens again,
some wisdom that I would share.
So these would be yellow flags, for sure.
Okay.
Okay, so now when we see these yellow flags
that we're like, oh, that, I don't really like that.
See, you're recognizing what do I like
and what do I not like.
You're recognizing, I really don't like that.
Now you're going to leave with some,
like you're going to get curious.
See?
Yeah.
So now it's like, okay, I don't like that.
I want to learn more about maybe understanding
why that behavior's showing up.
Is it something that they are aware of?
Is it something that it's, that they want to work on?
Are they showing signs?
Is it just, maybe they just really had an irritating day.
Maybe they were just not feeling their greatest
and they just showed up.
I mean, y'all, I have days like that.
Like there's days where I'm just like,
I didn't get much sleep.
I haven't had really anything to eat.
And y'all, if my kids test me,
I'm not going to show up as my best mothering self.
And I'm going to pop off on them.
But that's not what my heart posture is towards my children,
but it can sometimes show up because I'm just in a space
that's something that I'm working on.
Yeah.
Okay.
And so those are things that you're going to get curious
about.
So.
Now I already told him, I didn't want to see him anymore
that I-
Oh, that's fine.
And that's fine.
Absolutely.
In the dream and what I'm sensing to do at this point,
I'm just waiting because I'm going slow is I did in the,
what it came clear is just to get to know him better.
And I don't know for what purpose exactly,
but I just, that was the deep thing.
I mean, I wonder like, could you,
well, so my next.
Question would be like when he was evangelizing and he's witnessing to people and you kind of noticed that there was
People were a little uncomfortable with him
Maybe he's unaware of it
Maybe there was a sensitivity
I would be curious like
How long has he done this?
Is he barely new at?
This or has he been doing this for decades? I don't know. Yeah, you don't know
He's generally really good relationally. That's what yeah, some people responded great to him
And well, and again like you he sees maybe people are responding well to him
And then you can ask a question of like hey, like I noticed that person
Said or had this facial expression when you said that like
What do you do when when like what goes on in your head when when people respond that way and you're
Witnessing to people. I'm curious
because it's it's a curiosity because
You're you are like is he aware of it right thought process
One does he even recognize it?
Exactly. You're at like you you're you're bringing it to light and asking. Hey, did you notice that right?
And if you did like what like, how do you manage that in your head?
Like what what's your conversation with God in that moment? What have you learned to do in moments like that?
and then you get to get more information and more clarity and
From that now you've got more information that information is either gonna direct you to see that a yellow flag is
Potentially a green flag right it's moving in a green like oh, he's still he's got a conscious mind
He is thoughtful of it
He probably wasn't aware and then and and maybe he took my questioning and he was really respectful and honest
And that's a green flag. Yes
And there is a rudeness or a dismissiveness about people that respond that way
That flag is now not so yellow. It's kind of turning orange and red. Yeah
you know and the same thing it's like if you put someone down again, like
Do you recognize that?
Frequently is he every day like you see him. Are you noticing he puts people down every day?
Like yeah learning like hey like when that person did that like
You know, it's it's Jeff it's being able to softly and gently show up in a feminine and
Get curious. Yeah, that's what I would encourage you ladies to do and again that he didn't want to spend money on
The smoothie like yeah, that's kind of a turn-off for me, too
Like is that a solid no, it's remember it's a yes until it's a no
It's again, it's learning more information
We don't know
What we don't know, right?
Like on a by third date, you still might not understand where he is with his finances to me like
You can look at it in several different ways
You know, he thinks that $12 for a smoothie is way too expensive and
you know for someone who is
Working on becoming financially secure
Ladies that's
That's a good quality like that's showing you some maturity there
he's thoughtful about hey, let's I
Want to treat you to this, but I want to be a good steward
So why don't we?
So why don't we do this and then is he gonna like again by third date
He may not be
Ready to get vulnerable with you about where his finances are
and ladies like
Men are those providers protectors
There's a lot of stigma between like a man has to be financially set in order to be ready to be married
like that is
That's kind of what a lot of men who are not married yet
one of the things that holds them back is
debt
the feeling like they can't provide and
To me I'm like, yeah, that's important, but I want to see
Can they stick with the plan are they mature
Are they responsible?
So to me, I would want, like to me it's a yellow flag.
I want, I mean, I'd be mindful of it.
I wouldn't ignore it and I wouldn't just assume,
oh, he's just, he's just being good with his mind.
Well no, I wanna know, like, I'm gonna look over time
and spend time praying for the Lord
to give me some discernment and to help me see,
hey Lord, can you show me what this is rooted in?
Lord, I trust that you're gonna show me this.
So that's, ladies, that's what we wanna do
with these flags.
But like Karen, like she took three dates
to get to know him and that's okay.
She can say, you know, I just, there was all these things
and no, it just didn't sit well, so I'm gonna,
I'm gonna go ahead and put a pin in it
and just say no thank you.
Now, as you continue to pray,
if the Lord is speaking to you, say hey,
I do want you to get to know,
you are a great communicator
and you're gonna know how to reach out to him
and say, hey, and you're gonna own
and you're gonna be vulnerable
and you're gonna be like, hey, I wanna honor who I am
and share this with you.
Would you be willing to still hang out?
Whatever, like whatever the Lord leads you for that, okay?
Okay, I'm good, thank you.
Thank you for that question
because I feel like there were so many great,
teachable things for all the ladies to hear.
So I love, I love when you ladies bring those questions.
All right, Kelly, you're up.
How are you?
So the guy that I've been getting to know,
we went on a lot, a lot of dates
and he's very, very respectful.
He's done a lot, like he does a lot of things,
he makes sure that I'm safe out here.
He's put up floodlights, like I told you,
to make sure lighting's good out here
after I had been stalked.
He puts up, he pays for it, like we go out,
he's really, I mean, he pays for everything,
but I am not attracted to him, like I'm not,
like, and I mean, he talks about our future,
like he talks, like he wants to go forward with a future
and I'm like, mm.
Okay, but what about him is not attractive to you?
Like, like when I met my husband,
I was physically attracted to him,
like I was like, like we were married for 23 years,
like I knew, like I was like, oh, I'm gonna marry that man.
Like, I don't have those feelings for this guy,
like I don't have, I mean, he's good looking, he's like,
but I'm not.
Remind me how long have you been getting to know him?
I can't remember.
Since February, since the beginning of February.
So it's been about three months.
Right.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
So it's been enough time.
Right, and I'm not sure what-
He suggests that there's no physical attraction,
so what?
I feel bad because he introduces me to his friends
and he's like, oh, I know that you like chicken,
like he's like making plans, he's making plans,
like we're gonna have this future
and I'm like.
But is it just because there's not
like the physical attraction or is it something else?
Cause here's the thing, I will tell you
like what came to my mind and I, again, I, you know,
have having worked with Jackie, like being a single
and then obviously, you know, working for her
and, you know, just always listening to her teachings
and everything and what she shares.
She off, like the thing that came up in my mind
is one thing that she also, she often talks about
is physical attraction is not always a good indicator
of someone being a spirit mate or not.
Like we kind of put so much, not that it's not important,
but that should not be the reason we're attracted
or not attracted to somebody.
Does that make sense?
So that.
He prays for me, I mean, like he has all the qualities
of a spiritual friend, like he has all the qualities
somebody that I should be like,
but I keep on bouncing back to the guy
that treated me terribly and I was so physically attracted.
I was gonna ask you about that.
Are you still in contact with that guy?
He has texted me lately.
I did block him off the messenger.
Here's the thing, Kelly,
like I wanna say this lovingly and gently, okay?
Know that I get this, okay?
But I wouldn't be a good coach
if I didn't share this with you, okay?
And I'm sharing it because these are Band-Aids
that Jackie would have to pull off of me
and several other women.
If there is someone that you are still connected to,
soul tied with, thinking about, in connection with,
he treated you terribly.
There's still a draw there.
There's still a connection.
You're not free to receive the good things
that are available to you.
It's going to be really hard for your heart
to be able to open up and receive something
because in the back you know
that you still have an attachment over here.
There's still something tethered.
Your heart is not gonna be able to fully attract,
be attracted because there's something else
that you're still attracted to.
So I wanna ask you, spend time,
what is it about a man that has treated you terribly
and what is it about the physical attraction?
What are you believing about that
and that being the focus of what makes the connection?
Does that make sense?
What's the fear?
What's the fear of untethering yourself
and releasing this other guy?
And I'll have to spend some time.
Yeah.
And I told you, and I told you, and I knew,
and I told you, I think it was like a month or two ago,
it's not easy and we understand that, all right?
This is your process, this is what, you know,
I want you to lean into your heavenly father here
and there is freedom there, it's available
and it will feel scary because it's vulnerable
but that vulnerability and that honesty,
when we can be open to it and lay it before the Lord,
it gets to be the Lord's.
We really do.
I mean, you really get to literally lay it at his feet.
It's the willingness, it's the learning,
what am I afraid to let go of?
What am I believing that if I let go of this
is gonna happen?
What does it say about me?
What does it say about the other?
Like whatever comes to your spirit,
what is the belief that is tied to the fear
of not fully releasing that?
Because you're telling me, this guy is incredible
and he's got all these great things
but you can't open your heart to be attracted to someone
if your heart is still attached to something else.
Does that make sense?
Mm-hmm.
Do you, like and be honest with me,
do you at times think about what would it look like
if this guy from the past would show up and change?
Have you thought about if he would do this or this and this?
That right there, yeah.
You are playing into the situation, the what if.
If he would just do this, this and this,
oh, this will work out.
But do you see that?
Mm-hmm.
But do you see how in your mind it's...
I'm I'm choosing to settle and then it's like I need him to do this this and this
well what if he doesn't do that then you're gonna sit here and try to
control and guide and direct and manipulate it so where I just need to
see a sign that he's doing that so that I can give myself a reason that I'm
holding on for purpose yeah you see I can say it because I've done it so
that's why that's why I can relate to it because I I've been there like you just
you care it like and you're probably a very like compassionate caring person
you probably love really hard don't you yeah yeah and you just genuinely have
you know a kindness and a goodness in your heart towards people and you see
the good in and people you do and that's a gift but when we we then overextend
that and sell ourselves short then we we open ourself to be abused to that and
it closes us off to the relationships that really do get to pour in to us and
then the people who actually can receive our love
you it's about you receiving love so that you can give love and if you're
staying in a place where you know hoping that someone's going to change and show
love to you in a way then oh then maybe it'll work then we hold on to that and
that's actually not loving ourselves and if you can't love yourself are you
gonna be able to give love
like I want you to sit with it what is it what what are some fears that you
really what is surfacing what what is the scariest thing that's going to
happen if you completely cut ties with him
what does that what what is the scary like what is the scariest vision that
you have spend time with that get vulnerable with us let's be honest and
let's let's work through it that's what we're here for thank you okay love you
Kelly we're lifting you up girl all right okay who do I have next um
bill how are you babe I'm doing well question is different um I do want to
say that the gentleman I had to to not been dating on the dating app scene
since February 1st I had I was I left the dating scene with four gentlemen two
of them yeah I dropped out real quick to remained I had an issue I think two
weeks ago when I talked to you about one of them the the local guy and we're kind
of not well he goes to my church we talked to the pastor he's a young
Christian he actually went to the pastor and my friends and apologized for how he
disrespected me asked for forgiveness and so we're friends just we have to get
along in our church you know and I yeah he's been but this is what happened it's
like it's not part of my question but I should tell you over the last week both
men proposed to me got down on their knee and proposed the local guy did it
he walked in the door dropped to his knees and begged me to to marry him and
pulled out a diamond out of his pocket was your response and my response was I
can at this time I'm not ready and we're friends but he set the ring on my I have
a dresser in my front door he set the ring down there and said you keep it I
said no no and he says just keep it in case you change your mind he would not
take it back so it's setting on hold he knows I'm not going to keep it but it
makes him feel better as a matter of fact the weird thing is is he would you
he said would you at least wear it for today I was headed out to do disaster
relief for an organization that does disaster relief I'm very active in it I
can't say I don't think
that you won't allow to say names, but it's a Christian organization that
I'm involved with and I was headed to Illinois to do tornado relief for the
Yeah
Relief, did you put the ring on?
I he said please wear it for a day
Just make me happy and wear it for the last day
I wore it for a day and then uh, I said, you know, it's on the counter
I'm going to be giving it back to you
but I was leaving the next day for disaster relief and I don't know I just because I so I I
He saw I had taken it off
Um, it was not uh, it's not on just I just thought for 24 hours. I'll
Make him happy
Um, and so then uh, we were in the other gentleman was involved is involved. Yeah
I got him involved in this disaster relief organization
so we flew out together to um,
Lima, Illinois, Chicago, Illinois and um
Uh, they put us in dorm rooms there was nothing, you know, they're very strict Christian organization
So I was in a woman's dorm. He was in a man's nothing there, but we uh, we're on the same team for
three four days and
worked at
picking up tree limbs and
All the stuff involved with tornadoes
Um
In our last uh dinner there because they provide the food so we had a meal together with all these other teams
Um, I don't know how many people
200 maybe
Uh at the end of the dinner
he
They asked for uh, god moments during your rescue. Um
Attempts and he took the mic and didn't think anything of it
He bragged on me told everybody and then proposed in front of everybody
Then what did you say?
Uh, actually the interesting part is is he said that he wanted to spend the rest of my life together
But he didn't put me on the spot by asking the question. He just stated what he wanted
Because it was a moment that he thought would be a good moment. He was not prepared
I mean he just felt led to do it. And uh, so he had went all over the area trying to find a jewelry store
uh after work and
Couldn't so he came up with um
A hairband a small hair tie
And put it around my finger
Yeah, everybody was laughing and this one lady. I'm sorry. This is like a god moment
I have to share this one lady. I did not know she was a homeowner that we helped to uh,
Take down a bunch of trees and rubbish out of her yard. Yeah yard
She took her ring off her finger
and
Gave it to him and said here put this on
I mean
Whoa shocking
And I tried giving it back to her. She said no
Uh, so anyways the long story started with
I noticed my love life is not normal. I did tell him afterwards. I said you didn't thank you for not asking me on the spot
uh, but ask me in another three months or so
And it's probably it's a maybe right now. It's a maybe my answer will be maybe so
Been an interesting so what i'm trying to now
Let's get to your question because I do I think I have nadine and I do is theresa still here. Yes. Okay question
my friends my family
Um when they found out about the proposals because i'm open with them
everybody's saying
Too early just be friends, you know, some people some of my family are saying wait a couple years
I'm 73 years old people are dropping around. I'm literally dying around me
um
I'm just concerned about this friends. I mean church people everybody it's like wait a couple of years and and honestly
That's not impossible hold these guys off for two years
Who are that vested in you?
An a guy should I say?
Well, and here's the thing is I don't think you can even
like
I mean, can you really truly make a decision if there's two people involved?
There isn't uh the one I
There's gotta be an ending
Right with the local guy, right? Yeah. Um, actually the the distance guy that i'm interested in
uh
Saying yes to um
He told me to take it. He's uh, the local guy's going through cancer issues right now
And uh, he said listen gail, I be a friend with him stay friends with him till he gets over this hump i'm fully
Supporting you. We'll keep it a our secret until he gets over the hump. And um
So he's on board with it
100 but I did did make a definite decision between the two obviously from a couple weeks ago
Um, so the other one is distance guy, know that local guy gave you a ring.
Yes.
He knows I have been totally keeping that communication.
Yeah.
He knows all about it.
He just, he's just as important thing that's being highlighted to, for me to
share with you is practicing boundaries with local guy, especially, and the
reason I say that, cause then I literally just remembered.
I want you to pay attention to what's shifting you to, um, people, please,
and accommodate what local guy wants you to do just to be happy.
Do you see how it's like you are doing things for someone just to satisfy them?
I want you to practice boundaries.
What does that look like?
I do think that could be highlighted.
What I mean, and, and even reflecting in past relationships, is that something
that was a pattern that you had that you often were considering and being more
considerate of the other person that you would kind of do for them, even though
it wasn't something that you wanted to do.
Yeah.
My codependency isn't my, is my big, huge issue.
Yes.
So spend time with that, ask the Lord to reveal to you.
Um, what's that rooted in?
How can you, um, create healthy boundaries, break those, those ties,
what that looks like, um, communicating that and staying grounded in firm,
firm, but kind.
Okay.
We can be firm and that's still kindness and what that looks like.
I want you to sit with that and ask the Lord to kind of be revealing there.
Okay.
So spend some time with that.
And I want to revisit after you've been able to have time with that so that I
want to still give you more time to process, but we do need to move on.
Okay.
I can get, get with everybody else here, but, um, I think that
will be very, very helpful.
Um, all right.
Who was next?
Teresa.
Okay.
Hit me with your question.
Okay.
So I have finished all the videos and everything from the section.
And I have a big procrastinator, so I can relate to that.
Yeah.
You look up that word in the dictionary and you'll see my picture right next
to each other.
We're twins.
Yeah.
So I am on a dating site and I guess I'm kind of well fortunate in a way I'm
Catholic, so I'm on, I'm on a Catholic site and I will do another Catholic site.
So I, some of the stuff that you guys are talking about, I don't have to worry
about, it's kind of taken care of in the questions and everything, but they do
have, um, on this site in particular, you can like someone's video, you can send
them a smile, or of course I could always drop them a note.
So what I'm wondering is what's the best way for me to drop the hanky.
Should I just be brave and just send them a note?
Drop the note.
Okay.
Just tell them something I like about their, their profile or something like
that.
A short conversation, because again, you're just, you're creating dialogue.
You're creating communication just because you drop a note does not mean
that you're like telling them, I want to date you.
Like you are just wanting to get to know them.
Right.
That's it.
So there's, there's really no pressure there.
You get to be the one just to drop the hanky.
Hey, I found your profile really interesting.
Tell me more about this.
Okay.
And then you see how then that dialogue gets started and then you can ask
questions, they hopefully are asking you questions and then you can kind of go
from there.
All right.
Sound good.
Very good.
Yeah.
We'll see what happens.
Yes.
And keep, keep us posted.
I will.
Awesome.
You're welcome.
Hey, Nadine, I can't find some of your stuff, but I did.
I don't know if you saw that.
I, I tried to respond.
So let's catch me up here.
What's happening.
Yeah, no worries.
Um, did you watch the video?
You're saying that didn't go.
I can't, no, I can't pull up the video.
I, my, my, my app is crashing.
So videos have been like out of commission for me.
So that's what I'm going to spend the next few days trying to navigate that on, on my
end.
I'll make this super quick.
Um, but I'm going to try, here's my question.
I'm gonna leave my question and then I'm going to just give you a
little bit of background information.
So yeah, the guy is 43 years old.
I am 10 years younger than him.
That was a situation between me and his dad.
So at first it was a trigger.
I got over the trigger.
Okay.
And then, um, as I've been getting to know him, we came to this point where I
started connecting the dots with a few things and there was a tenant that he
had at his house that was right next door that he, uh, had a relationship with.
And I'm not going to assume that there was anything that was inappropriate in
that, but, um, they're still in communications and I know we're not
exclusive, so this is not a, Hey, you're not supposed to be talking to someone
else because we're not exclusive, but it's about an hour away from you.
Correct.
That's correct.
Yeah.
Still, I haven't really talked to anyone else cause I just haven't had time.
But, um, the issue that I'm having is that she is very young.
So when, when they were talking, he was late thirties and she was like early
twenties because she's 28 right now.
And to me, it's a big red flag because in my eyes, from my perspective, with my
situation with my son's father, he was so unhealed in so many areas that I'm
starting to see, like at the very beginning, I saw this very masculine men,
man, and it seems like the last few times that we've been hanging out and it's
coming up in me too, but there's more insecurities coming up.
And so as of like the last few days, I've kind of just started pulling back
some, um, and it happened, we, we got together on Sunday and he had, he talks
about this girl a lot in our conversations and it wasn't an issue.
I, I, I told Ebony, I was like, I'm not jealous.
He's not coming up.
I know that he has a lot of sisters.
Like I thought maybe there's some healing that's needed there, but I was
kind of like, yeah, whatever.
It's no big deal.
Like, I'm so grateful God's healed me in this area, but he does have like
that protective nature when he talks about her, even though I know that
there is like a lot of tension in, in them getting to know each other.
And so I guess my thing is I'm a little concerned because when I first met
him, I discerned that there was a spirit of like, and I'm not
trying to get too spiritual here.
I really am not, but like of adultery and some things that were spoken
about in his generational line that was confirmed and then she's dating long
distance with her guy who she's getting married to.
And so I am not assuming, but the timeline it's starting to come together
where I'm like, he's, he keeps, when he kept talking about her in situations,
he would say, well, I don't want to reel too much.
She's a very private person, but then he's given me details about other
situations and then when we were talking and he reminded me and it was so, I
wasn't even like fishing for anything and I've been praying like, God,
just show me what I need to see.
Um, he had mentioned something about the, cause he dated someone in his
early thirties that it ended and it didn't go anywhere.
Um, and then he said, and then there was another relationship, but that one's
private.
And when he said that, I just knew, and he could see that I was connecting the
dots and he just vomited out.
Okay.
It was Sabrina.
Like he just vomited it out.
I didn't even have to fish.
Yes.
The name of the girl.
And so at that moment, I just got silent and I was proud of myself.
There was no offense.
There was nothing that rose up in me.
So I'm praise the Lord.
He's healed me in so many ways, but I did get quiet.
And I just changed the subject because I just needed to process.
But at that moment, I think something shifted in me where I was very confident
that I was like, I cannot move forward with this band because I need someone
who is whole and healed.
Like, and we're not going to be there perfectly.
I get that, but he's still holding onto her.
And from my perspective, it's out of fear that he's not, that's
not marriage minded to me.
You're 43 years old and you're still clinging to someone that you had
relationships with, but yet you're wanting to move forward.
And I'm not, I personally am not like if me and a gentleman doesn't
work out, I don't keep him in my life because I want marriage.
Like I'm not going to bring that to my marriage.
And that's okay that everyone doesn't see eye to eye on that.
Again, we're not exclusive.
but it's just I'm just not correct but at the same time like you are you're
being wise there in the sense of yes you are not exclusive however you are
seeing a pattern that this is being brought up that can you even get to a
place of exclusivity if there is still this tie there because there is not a
relationship that's gonna move towards marriage if there is the past person I
mean I I even say that even with friends that are opposite sex like when you are
dating someone exclusively like you kind of take a step back of like if you have
male friends you're not going to be spending a lot of time with your male
friends out of respect and honor to someone that you want to potentially
look towards a future with same thing you're not going to want to move forward
and feel confident secure and comfortable with potentially moving
forward with someone who's gonna have like a best friend that's a woman like I
just those are those are lines that's my my own personal opinion so I can
respect what you're saying there 100% and and and like you said like not
everybody has to agree with that and that's okay when you're sharing this
what is coming up and what I keep hearing is that there is an unsettling
here the word you're unsettled I have been not been able to sleep and what I
have in my mind that I was like good not to move forward I had such a confidence
of the Lord and peace but then it's like then I because there's been areas of
control that's come up in the process and I need to heal in my mind goes to
well if you still have things to work on like you're are you seeing things
through that lens which is not healthy but I just don't I don't sense that I
sense that this is a counterfeit and that if I go down this path I am
repeating the same thing that happened with my son's father and I'm just like I
want to bomb it like when I think about it like I it makes me nauseous now that
we're at this point and the fact that there's be it like yes there's some good
things here so I think you even being practical and reflective of hey I'm
aware that I have area like you are recognizing that the Lord is highlighting
areas that you need to work on 100% but I want you to pay attention to what is
drawing you out of second-guessing yourself you're very similar and I'm
gonna ask you this question I think I know the answer are you someone that
likes to like you're a person that is an organized structured wants to follow
rules I am that but I'm not the best at adhering to them and so I'm really
trying to yes no I I think that's where that's where that like this is where I I
can relate because I am like I want to give me the steps so that I can follow
them to put me on the right path like give me the process if you give me the
process I can follow the process I mean I'm a very like left brain like math
science like that that's my comfort zone so if you kind of fall in that same
pattern like you you want to kind of like you are aware like hey I want to
control like I have to can I have to heal this area of control so I have to
be open-minded here because that's what I'm being told mm-hmm
you know if I if I want people to do this for me then I have to do it for
others so that's gonna sit there and it's do you see how it's putting in this
area of confusion in conflict mm-hmm and there's doubt and there's you know
uncertainty you said the word insecure mm-hmm and I mean I even wrote down do
you have some shame and guilt yeah probably because I really want to
vomit and so you and you already know like that does not come from God yeah so
I want you to ask yourself like what's at the root of why like what's the fear
of you
And making a decision and communicating that decision, what's holding you, what's holding
you?
Yeah.
Stepping, because you said to me, like, you kind of already knew, like, you weren't going
to move forward, but then there was the doubt.
Yeah.
And, and when I, when I see doubt, when you start doubting, like, we know doubt is not
from God.
That's from enemy.
Go to the garden.
That's the, that's what the serpent did.
But doubt, doubt in what did God really say?
Did he really tell you not to eat that?
Did he tell you that surely you wouldn't die?
Do you see how it's putting doubt?
Like, I don't know if God really told, are you sure God told you that?
Do you see?
And then all of a sudden you're like, wait, I got, I got to do it right.
I got to follow the rule.
I got to follow the process.
I want to, I want to fall in line with this.
I want to make sure that I'm showing up as a, as a person that I know, but do you see
how it's, it's like you said, it's counterfeit.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's being packaged like you're doing the right thing.
But so I want you to ask yourself, what is holding you on from saying, Hey, you can be
clear with this guy and kind of say, Hey, I really appreciate this time of getting to
know you.
And, you know, I need to make a decision, like some things are coming up that I I'm
realizing that I have to work on.
And so because of that, it's the honorable thing for me to do is, is to end this, it
will be honorable for me to do it and it's honorable for, it's honorable to you and it's
honorable to me.
I want to be honorable to the both of us.
And so, and then don't just let it go and then move on, like spend time with the Lord
and say, okay, Lord, what do you, what were you inviting me to learn from this healing
in this?
Like I told, like I've told all of you ladies, the whole dating process and all these like
opportunities would bring you to prepare for healing, to receive your spirit mate.
There were guys that I dated that I had to like navigate and go through some healing
stuff and I had to recognize things and it got uncomfortable for me at times.
But I had to, I had to show up differently to show myself like God's got me, I'm confident,
I can trust myself, I can trust God, God's revealing change in me, what, how have I transformed?
This is stuff that I still need to work on.
And then you get to lay that before the Lord.
So it's not, you don't have to beat yourself up for it.
What's going to start beating you up is if you kind of stay in the limbo of it.
Yes.
And that's, that's what happened because I was very confident.
I'm like, this is an issue.
I mean, I've never felt so confident in something because yeah.
And then what happened was I was waiting on a response and I was like, Lord, I really
need feedback because I want to make sure that I'm not, you know, basing this off of
me having unhealed lenses, you know, and then that's when I've started kind of doing
the back and forth.
But I,
And we're going to have unhealed lenses in, in relationship.
We're going to have unhealed lenses in our, in our relationships with our spirit mates.
And those opportunities, those opportunities are going to rise in and we're going to be
with someone, our spirit mate is going to be someone that we get to walk through that
process with.
And there is the consideration, the love, there is the comfort and knowing, you know,
I can trust this person.
It's been built.
It's been, the foundation is trust.
I can be vulnerable.
You, you're, there's going to be the comfort and the peace that that follows that there's
going to be, God is going to guide and direct you.
He's not going to fill you with the discomfort.
He's not going to fill you with confusion.
He's not going to fill you with, you know, doubt and, and chaos and shame and get like,
that's just not going to be from him.
But so you can trust that.
And I think you've given it a good amount of time and you've learned a lot in this process.
And so I think it's, you can feel confident in yourself and spend time with the Lord.
Like Lord, do you want me to look at my confidence?
Like what are you trying to show me here?
Yeah.
You know, it's okay to be reflective.
I don't want you to get into the space of figuring out, oh, he needed healing and he,
no, no, we all need healing.
What is God doing in you in this situation to heal you?
What are you, what revelations are you getting
about your own healing?
It's not yours to pick up with what they need to heal.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, and I don't want to be his mother.
And you don't, like you are,
and that's the thing is, as single moms,
being aware of when are we operating
in being a mother to someone,
because that sometimes can get very challenging.
You know, how to step out of,
especially as a single mom,
because we're being a mom all the time.
You know, we don't get to pass it on to someone else.
Like, it's your parent all the time.
And so, you know, recognizing when you're operating in that
is helpful, and it's healthy to recognize that.
And I think that's, you're gonna start seeing that balance
of what healthy relationship looks like
with someone who is a masculine,
marriage-minded, mature man,
and what does the divine masculine show up as,
and what is the divine feminine?
Because here's the thing, as single moms,
yes, we can be divine feminine,
but we have to be mindful of,
do we also show up in some masculine energy as well?
And that's just, and you have a son, right?
Yeah, I do too.
So you wanna, you almost feel like you've gotta
kind of embody some masculinity
because that's what you gotta pour into your son.
And so you just wanna be mindful of that,
and you wanna be careful of that.
And so, but be confident in yourself, all right?
You've done a really nice job
of walking through this process.
I appreciate it.
We never told you it was gonna be easy,
but it's gonna be worth it.
I just needed your perspective
because I feel like sometimes you get feedback
from people who are not single moms,
and it just, it changes everything.
It really does.
It does.
And I'm like, I can't wait.
And you need to, and learning how to not,
like to filter out the noise.
Like, you know, I believe in getting wise counsel
and getting people to pour into,
but sometimes you have to be cautious
of how many people are you getting to speak into you
because that can also,
the enemy can use that to lead you to confusion as well.
And so, you know, that's why,
like being able to kind of distinguish,
like which people and who,
and who am I going to that's confirming
what someone else says
that's not even communicating with one another.
Like that's, for me, like again,
this is what I do.
I'm going to people that are not related
and are they confirming what someone else has said to me
and then confirming something.
And that helps me, put me at ease,
but I'm not gonna keep sitting to keep finding more.
No, I need to hear it again.
I need to hear it again.
I need, because then when we do that,
the enemy knows that we're looking for that
and he sees an open door.
So we don't want that either.
Yes, thank you.
Okay, I'm gonna quickly,
cause we are out of time.
We were way out of time,
but I wanna read through Kathleen's profile.
I love Jesus and outdoors.
I like to keep my heart light and my soul honest,
truth with love, adventure, seeking joy,
daily confession and learning.
My carwash version of soul maintenance.
I'm a mom of three kids old enough to stay home alone,
young enough to live in full custody.
If you read this reply considered,
I live a hummingbird lifestyle.
I have a honey badger sweet, but strong in goals
and values tenacity face centered.
Okay, I'm starting,
I'll say Kathleen has made it through the replay here.
I'm seeing a lot of list, but I'm not picturing it.
We wanna be able to picture what this looks like.
So let's shorten that up
and let's just give some more, just more specifics.
Let's lay off some of the list.
Okay.
Like let us,
invite us into see what your lifestyle looks like.
You're describing it with very general words.
Like, what do you mean by hummingbird lifestyle?
Honey badgers, sweet, strong goals.
Okay.
Again, that women are gonna probably understand
a lot of that because we're very analytical.
Like we can,
What is it that I'm working with?
Like the metaphors and the similes and the analogies,
but some men are gonna be like,
what does she mean by that?
Like men need a little bit more direct communication.
A lot of words, and I say this because my husband
is to remind me of this all the time.
If I start using a lot of words,
he's like, you're using too many words.
I just mean short, brief, powerful, clear, concise.
Paint the picture.
Like just paint the picture.
They need to visually see it.
So I would start there and then, yeah.
Like outdoors, like what does an outdoors lifestyle
look like?
What does your weekend consist of?
I love the wired for real connection.
Like that's what you're desiring.
Honest conversations, unfiltered.
Like you wanna be raw and real,
and you want someone that doesn't have to feel
like they have to put a filter on.
So that, I can see that.
Very, very good.
Okay, so all right.
I've spent enough time.
So ladies, thank you so much.
I know I got a few more messages,
but we are way out of time.
So definitely dump in the app
if any of you have any more questions.
Okay, Gail, thank you for explaining the put a pin.
I don't think Paulette is still on here,
but yes, like putting a pin in it is like,
just wait for an answer.
Okay, and then Susan,
you posted a question three days ago and a partial answer.
Okay, I will be looking for that as well.
My app has been crashing a lot.
So I'm gonna do like a hard shutdown
and see what I can do to figure out in the next few days
and get caught up on that.
Cause every time I go in and that's like,
I can click around a little bit,
then all of a sudden it crashes.
And then I have to go and redo it and then it crashes.
So I'm gonna work on that over the next few days this week.
So I will be looking for that.
And it was good to see you all.
Take care and I will see you all next week.
All right, have a good one.
Thank you.