WEBVTT

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I have the honor of presenting to you, His Majesty, Charles B.

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Is somebody watching Zipperty?

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Yes, do you believe it?

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All right.

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Can't access your camera, please.

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My camera went out.

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Oh, Lord.

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I'm sorry, ladies.

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Am I back?

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Yay, hey.

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Hello, you all.

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Hello, hello.

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It's so good to see you all.

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All right, let me put it on gallery view so I can see who all do I see.

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Hello.

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All right, so just a few little housekeeping.

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It's so good to see y'all tonight.

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I hope all y'all had a really good day.

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Did y'all have a good day today?

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Yeah?

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Anybody have a not-so-good day today?

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Nobody?

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Good, good.

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I don't see anyone that's new on tonight.

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If you are new, go ahead and wave or unmute and tell me you're new.

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We're so happy to have you.

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How do you say your name?

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N-A-O.

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Noah?

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Noah?

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Tell me how you say your name.

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Hi, Ebony.

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It's N-A-O.

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Well, N-A-O.

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It's been a while.

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Yes, I know.

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How have you been?

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I've been good.

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Good.

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I've been launching a digital business.

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What's happening?

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So that's what?

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Life coaching, transformational life coaching.

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Yay.

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That's so awesome.

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Yes, thank you.

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That's why I haven't been able to be in all of the sessions, but I'm coming back.

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Yeah, no, I'm so excited for you.

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My prayer is that your business would just overflow.

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That the Lord would fill you to capacity and then pour in more capacity for you.

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That this journey would be the thing that catapults you into greater, greater things

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that heaven has for you.

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I'm so excited for you and all the lives.

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Oh, thank you, Ebony.

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Thank you, Ebony.

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I receive it with all my heart.

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You're welcome.

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You're welcome.

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Hey, Amanda, is this your first time with us?

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Welcome.

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Welcome, welcome, welcome.

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We're so happy to have you.

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So just a few housekeeping.

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You ladies know you can watch one since Amanda's new.

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I have to do one video a week.

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You process with Jackie's all of the information on there.

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Come join us.

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Coaching is not just for dating, it's for the whole person.

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Whatever you got going on, bring it on in because we learn from everything.

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All the things that we use in dating, we also use in life like grace, forgiveness, right?

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Patience.

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This is a faith journey with the Lord.

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And sometimes we have to just keep faith in it.

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My Lord, it can get tough.

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And so we come to support each other.

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We come to hear what others are doing.

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Even if you're not in that stage yet, it's so good to hear about it.

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When others are going through their processes, we can learn so much from each other.

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And women, we're so much alike.

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We're not much different at all.

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We may express differently, but we miss you too, Karen.

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And those pictures you posted with a green on, you're just absolutely adorable.

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Yeah.

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So we do one on one coaching.

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Look under the coaching tab or in the resource tab.

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All of our coaches are absolutely amazing.

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And yeah.

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Do you have any questions, Amanda, since you just came into phase two?

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Any questions about how everything works?

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No.

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Thank you.

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I had the opportunity to listen to the replay from last week.

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Yeah.

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I had joined the group, I think on Wednesday or Thursday.

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And I thought, OK, let me look at the previous replay.

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So I have an idea.

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So thank you for the introduction.

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Oh, yeah.

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Well, good.

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You're welcome.

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You're welcome.

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Hey, Daisy, is this your first time?

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Yeah.

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Daisy Jones.

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No, you don't.

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Probably a busy.

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Cool.

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OK.

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Anyway, we're going to get started.

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Tonight is simple.

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So I hope that you ladies have your questions ready.

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Oh, this is just second lap.

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OK.

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Let's pray.

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Father God, I thank you for all of these ladies.

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Every place, Lord God, where their faith is feeling a bit abandoned.

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and then a bit shipwrecked,

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every place where they're disappointed

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because they thought something should have happened by now.

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I don't care what the happening is in their job,

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in their personal life, in their family,

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in their daily life, in the process with their spouse.

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Oh God, I just speak, Lord God, grace over them,

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grace in those areas where they keep falling short,

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grace in the areas where they feel like

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they can't get it right.

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I pray, Lord God, that your presence would invade

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every space that they know that according to Psalms 139,

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that you are the God who formed them in their mother's womb.

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According to Psalms 139, you know all of our thoughts,

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that you're always with us, Father God.

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And I pray that they get to know that God

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that walks with them in the good and the bad.

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David said in the book of Psalms,

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yea, though I walk through the valley

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of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

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I release that over them now,

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that they will not fear any evil,

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that it may be a shadow, but they don't have to fear it

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because all it is is a shadow, oh God.

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So Lord God, I just, I bless them now.

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I bless them with your might.

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I bless them with your strength.

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I bless them with your resilience.

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I bless them with your wisdom, Father God.

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And so I just thank you that your integrity is filling them,

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that you're bringing them to new places in you,

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places of honor, places of faithfulness,

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places of stewardship, Father God.

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And I thank you that this journey holds more for them

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than their eyes could have ever thought to see.

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I thank you, Lord God, that this journey

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holds more for them than the one thing that they desire,

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which is a husband, but you have so much more.

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I thank you that this is a time of building,

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that this is a time of reconstructing.

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This is a time of reordering.

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I thank you, Lord God,

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that you're putting some feet on new paths.

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I thank you, Lord God,

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that they're going in directions

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they never thought to see coming.

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I thank you, Lord God,

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that the prayers that they prayed many years ago

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are coming to fruition.

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I thank you, Lord God,

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that they're gonna declare

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that you are the God that brings things to pass.

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You are the God that does exceedingly abundantly

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above all that I could ever ask or think.

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I thank you, Lord God,

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that you're bringing back dreams of businesses

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and causing them to come to pass.

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I thank you, Lord God,

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that you're bringing back dreams to help in ministry

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that they never thought would come to pass.

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I thank you, Lord God,

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for somebody on this call

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that you're releasing them into the homeless ministry

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where they can help homeless people

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and build them up, Lord God.

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I thank you, Lord God,

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that you're birthing them into the good land.

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So I pray now, Lord God,

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that the boundary lines have fallen for them

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in pleasant places,

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and they shall taste and see that you are good

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and all the time, you are good.

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I pray, Lord God,

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for women that arise in the courage,

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in the strength, in the might of Jehovah Sabaoth.

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I thank you, Lord God,

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that they get to see

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that you are the God that goes before them,

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that you are the God that surrounds them,

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that you are the God that keeps them,

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and that you are the God that builds them up

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and makes them mighty.

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We thank you, Jesus.

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We thank you, Jesus.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Glory to the God that makes us mighty.

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Glory to the God that empowers us.

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Glory to the God that makes himself known in the earth.

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I just declare over you

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that your life will testify that God is good.

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When people look at you,

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they're gonna say that God is good.

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When people look at you,

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they're gonna say God is faithful.

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Your life will testify of his faithfulness.

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Your life will testify of his goodness.

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Your restoration will testify that God restores,

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that he is Jehovah Nisi,

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Lord God, our banner.

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They're gonna look at your life and say,

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God is love.

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God is forgiveness.

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God is grace.

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Oh, and God is good.

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Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good.

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All right.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Okay, one more thing.

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I just thank you, Lord,

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that you're bringing these ladies into the promised land.

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I thank you, Lord,

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that you're bringing them into the promised land.

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And I just declare that they will not circle

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any more mountains.

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They will not circle any more mountains.

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We're not circling mountains, ladies.

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We're going into the promised land.

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So take that.

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This was not prompted.

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I do not have it written down.

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And I believe that the Lord wanted to release that over you

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because it came out of my mouth.

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And God is good.

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All right.

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So I need an E-pen because hands are going up

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and I need to write it down.

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So tonight I said this,

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and it will be rather quickly

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because I believe most of you ladies have done this

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because your own dating apps are ready.

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But we're going to talk a little bit

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about building a dating profile

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because believe it or not,

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we do have questions about that

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and a lot of, as a matter of fact.

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And, you know, I've had.

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I've had many ladies to ask me,

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like they'll say,

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hey, I'm not getting any hits on my dating profile.

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And it sucks.

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I've done it before.

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Like, you be like, now I know

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somebody should be saying something to me.

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And then the few that come through,

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you be like, is this a ex-murderer?

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They be looking so weird.

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And I don't know why men take picture

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with the camera under they chin.

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And I be like, what?

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Did you see that before you posted that?

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I'm offended that you would even say something to me

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that you think I would talk to you

273
00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:40.680
and the camera under your chin like that.

274
00:10:40.680 --> 00:10:43.040
So, you know, there are times.

275
00:10:43.040 --> 00:10:44.640
And so we've looked at their,

276
00:10:44.640 --> 00:10:47.120
looked at the profile, looked at their profile.

277
00:10:47.120 --> 00:10:49.400
And there was, it was lacking.

278
00:10:50.520 --> 00:10:52.200
It was lacking in the photos.

279
00:10:52.200 --> 00:10:54.680
It was lacking in the description.

280
00:10:54.680 --> 00:10:57.080
And so we want to just hit on that a little bit tonight,

281
00:10:57.120 --> 00:10:59.720
especially for those who've not really,

282
00:11:01.800 --> 00:11:04.560
oh yes, the chap-lipped, dead-ass, fish-picked,

283
00:11:04.560 --> 00:11:05.680
Lord Shekinah.

284
00:11:05.680 --> 00:11:07.960
We can count on you to tell the truth, Kanye.

285
00:11:12.320 --> 00:11:15.560
So we want to think about our dating profiles

286
00:11:15.560 --> 00:11:17.120
and we just kind of want to run through

287
00:11:17.120 --> 00:11:20.960
how to build a dating profile that attracts alignment.

288
00:11:20.960 --> 00:11:21.800
Right?

289
00:11:21.800 --> 00:11:23.120
So we're dating for discovery,

290
00:11:23.120 --> 00:11:24.360
but you do want to track alignment.

291
00:11:24.360 --> 00:11:25.840
And I'm going to tell you something now.

292
00:11:25.840 --> 00:11:26.840
I'm going to be real with you.

293
00:11:26.840 --> 00:11:29.480
A lot of these men, they don't read your profile

294
00:11:29.480 --> 00:11:31.040
because they say stuff to you.

295
00:11:31.040 --> 00:11:34.000
And it's like, you didn't read that I was a minister.

296
00:11:34.000 --> 00:11:35.680
You didn't read that I'm building a kingdom.

297
00:11:35.680 --> 00:11:37.960
Did you miss that part of my profile

298
00:11:37.960 --> 00:11:39.920
that you would get in my inbox and say this?

299
00:11:39.920 --> 00:11:40.960
And then when you ask them something,

300
00:11:40.960 --> 00:11:43.600
they be like, oh, I didn't know that.

301
00:11:43.600 --> 00:11:46.320
You didn't know I lived 200 miles away from you?

302
00:11:46.320 --> 00:11:48.360
Did you not see it?

303
00:11:48.360 --> 00:11:51.520
And so, so I couldn't say, oh, it doesn't matter.

304
00:11:51.520 --> 00:11:54.440
But for men who are intentional, it does matter.

305
00:11:54.480 --> 00:11:57.120
I've seen men with very intentional profiles.

306
00:11:57.120 --> 00:11:59.680
I've seen men that say, I'm building the kingdom.

307
00:11:59.680 --> 00:12:01.360
I'm a man of God.

308
00:12:01.360 --> 00:12:03.320
If you don't have A, B, C, D,

309
00:12:03.320 --> 00:12:06.480
or you know how men express themselves, right?

310
00:12:06.480 --> 00:12:08.160
And so there are intentional men out there.

311
00:12:08.160 --> 00:12:11.080
And so for all of us who haven't built our dating profile

312
00:12:11.080 --> 00:12:13.640
or who think we may want to revamp it,

313
00:12:13.640 --> 00:12:15.320
put some pictures up.

314
00:12:15.320 --> 00:12:18.960
You want your main profile picture to be one that's lively.

315
00:12:18.960 --> 00:12:21.200
Get a shirt that matches your skin tone,

316
00:12:21.200 --> 00:12:23.640
that makes you pop, that makes you stand out.

317
00:12:23.680 --> 00:12:25.520
And your main profile picture, you know,

318
00:12:25.520 --> 00:12:30.160
just don't, it should not be with a person,

319
00:12:30.160 --> 00:12:31.880
another person, it should just be you.

320
00:12:31.880 --> 00:12:34.040
We shouldn't be struggling to tell who's who, right?

321
00:12:34.040 --> 00:12:36.240
So anyway, let me stick with the notes.

322
00:12:36.240 --> 00:12:38.360
So we're gonna try to build this profile

323
00:12:38.360 --> 00:12:41.240
that really attracts alignment

324
00:12:41.240 --> 00:12:42.920
because clarity creates connection

325
00:12:42.920 --> 00:12:45.520
and confusion creates mismatches.

326
00:12:45.520 --> 00:12:47.160
And then if they are still confused,

327
00:12:47.160 --> 00:12:49.920
you can say goodbye when they talk to you.

328
00:12:49.920 --> 00:12:54.920
So get clear on what you want to express about yourself.

329
00:12:55.560 --> 00:12:56.520
Right?

330
00:12:56.520 --> 00:12:58.960
So you want to stay away from being vague

331
00:12:58.960 --> 00:13:03.960
and you, and just like saying like umbrella-ish thing.

332
00:13:05.280 --> 00:13:07.480
And the one thing I want, let me say this.

333
00:13:07.480 --> 00:13:08.960
Don't be afraid to say,

334
00:13:08.960 --> 00:13:11.360
I'm looking for a marriage-minded relationship

335
00:13:11.360 --> 00:13:13.720
or I am intentional about dating.

336
00:13:13.720 --> 00:13:15.960
I know a lot of times women ask, should I say that?

337
00:13:15.960 --> 00:13:16.800
Should I say that?

338
00:13:16.800 --> 00:13:18.080
Yes, you should say that.

339
00:13:18.920 --> 00:13:23.480
Hey, I date with intentions for marriage.

340
00:13:23.480 --> 00:13:27.440
I am marriage-minded or I date with intentionality.

341
00:13:27.440 --> 00:13:30.120
I'm very intentional in my dating process.

342
00:13:32.160 --> 00:13:35.480
A man who wants something serious, he's gonna,

343
00:13:35.480 --> 00:13:38.960
as he's scanning, he's gonna like to read that.

344
00:13:38.960 --> 00:13:42.560
I know I like to read it when I look at a man's profile

345
00:13:42.560 --> 00:13:44.120
and if he doesn't have anything on there

346
00:13:44.120 --> 00:13:45.960
unless he look really good.

347
00:13:45.960 --> 00:13:47.880
And they're not like on Facebook,

348
00:13:47.880 --> 00:13:50.320
they tell you the music they listen to.

349
00:13:50.320 --> 00:13:53.680
And so now this is me.

350
00:13:53.680 --> 00:13:56.080
A person can tell me,

351
00:13:56.080 --> 00:13:57.320
it depends on what they say

352
00:13:57.320 --> 00:14:00.280
about their relationship with God.

353
00:14:00.280 --> 00:14:02.200
If that don't match up with the type of music

354
00:14:02.200 --> 00:14:05.920
they listen to, I'm just a little concerned about that.

355
00:14:05.920 --> 00:14:09.120
Because there are some artists that certain stuff they say,

356
00:14:09.120 --> 00:14:12.720
there's no way in the world you are listening to that

357
00:14:12.720 --> 00:14:16.960
and you are remotely close to the Lord.

358
00:14:16.960 --> 00:14:21.880
I don't know, like Bad Bunny or certain rap artists

359
00:14:21.880 --> 00:14:24.680
that curse and talk about killing.

360
00:14:24.680 --> 00:14:27.680
Like that just is a mismatched life right there.

361
00:14:27.680 --> 00:14:29.840
Something's not right about that, right?

362
00:14:29.840 --> 00:14:31.400
And so I do base things on,

363
00:14:31.400 --> 00:14:33.320
I will look at a person's music list.

364
00:14:33.320 --> 00:14:36.440
Not if they just listen to old school music,

365
00:14:36.440 --> 00:14:39.320
but, and so that's a discrepancy for me.

366
00:14:39.320 --> 00:14:43.920
But anyway, so I hope I didn't get too far off of that.

367
00:14:45.120 --> 00:14:46.440
Hey, Susan.

368
00:14:50.360 --> 00:14:52.120
So a man who wants something serious,

369
00:14:52.120 --> 00:14:53.640
he is scanning for confirmation.

370
00:14:53.640 --> 00:14:54.600
That's what I was saying.

371
00:14:54.600 --> 00:14:57.840
When I scan, I scan for confirmation, right?

372
00:14:57.840 --> 00:15:00.040
And so you want to be intentional about that.

373
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.000
Clarity may feel like vulnerability, but that's okay.

374
00:15:05.220 --> 00:15:07.580
It'll save you time and energy.

375
00:15:07.580 --> 00:15:12.580
Clarity is kindness, just best put.

376
00:15:14.740 --> 00:15:17.880
So you want to swap out two vague phrases

377
00:15:19.220 --> 00:15:20.460
for real life details.

378
00:15:20.460 --> 00:15:23.360
So instead of saying, I love to travel and have fun,

379
00:15:23.360 --> 00:15:27.300
you can say, I usually take one international trip a year.

380
00:15:27.300 --> 00:15:31.540
I really enjoy traveling to South America because,

381
00:15:31.540 --> 00:15:32.760
you know, I don't know,

382
00:15:32.760 --> 00:15:34.460
cause I'd like to pick fruit or something.

383
00:15:34.460 --> 00:15:36.420
I'm just putting something there, right?

384
00:15:36.420 --> 00:15:39.580
I really like to travel to these parts of the country.

385
00:15:39.580 --> 00:15:41.220
That gives a little bit more,

386
00:15:41.220 --> 00:15:43.500
it takes away the vagueness and it kind of narrows down

387
00:15:43.500 --> 00:15:44.780
more about your personality.

388
00:15:44.780 --> 00:15:46.380
It tells me something about you.

389
00:15:48.100 --> 00:15:50.180
Let's see, this I want to touch on here.

390
00:15:51.900 --> 00:15:54.540
You can add a couple of lines about your actual lifestyle.

391
00:15:54.540 --> 00:15:56.780
So you can say something like this.

392
00:15:56.780 --> 00:15:59.500
On weekends, I usually hit the gym kind of early

393
00:15:59.500 --> 00:16:02.820
because I want to spend the rest of the day relaxing

394
00:16:02.820 --> 00:16:05.840
or I want to spend the rest of the day doing some things

395
00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:07.880
that I enjoy doing, that I don't get to do

396
00:16:07.880 --> 00:16:09.520
through the week, you know, something like that.

397
00:16:09.520 --> 00:16:10.780
So when they say, what do you like to do?

398
00:16:10.780 --> 00:16:12.020
You know, some of my weekends,

399
00:16:12.020 --> 00:16:14.060
I usually like to hit the gym early

400
00:16:14.060 --> 00:16:17.020
and then go spend time with family and friends

401
00:16:17.020 --> 00:16:18.520
when I get an opportunity.

402
00:16:20.580 --> 00:16:22.500
Or you can say something like on weeknights,

403
00:16:22.500 --> 00:16:27.020
I look forward to Pilates, cooking,

404
00:16:27.020 --> 00:16:28.220
whatever you like to do, right?

405
00:16:28.220 --> 00:16:29.740
So you're kind of giving a description

406
00:16:29.740 --> 00:16:33.340
of what your weeknight would look like in one little phrase,

407
00:16:33.340 --> 00:16:35.400
not in a long drawn out sentence.

408
00:16:36.380 --> 00:16:37.740
Why does this matters?

409
00:16:37.740 --> 00:16:39.460
Because people can get an idea

410
00:16:39.460 --> 00:16:41.360
of what life would look like with you.

411
00:16:44.580 --> 00:16:48.720
Without saying this is what life is like with me, right?

412
00:16:49.720 --> 00:16:53.320
So, or if you say early in the morning,

413
00:16:53.320 --> 00:16:58.320
I walk my dog, Bristow, you know,

414
00:16:58.400 --> 00:17:00.520
so that tells a person you're into dogs

415
00:17:00.520 --> 00:17:02.280
or you get up and walk,

416
00:17:02.280 --> 00:17:05.319
or we go to the dog park on Saturdays, right?

417
00:17:05.319 --> 00:17:07.319
So I can tell that you're a dog lover

418
00:17:07.319 --> 00:17:10.960
or whatever animal you have, you really care about them.

419
00:17:10.960 --> 00:17:12.980
You're not trying to sound impressive,

420
00:17:12.980 --> 00:17:15.480
you just want to be accurate and enjoyable

421
00:17:15.480 --> 00:17:16.560
and you want to sound fun.

422
00:17:16.560 --> 00:17:18.000
Have you ever read somebody's profile

423
00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:19.800
and you'd be like, wow, they're fun.

424
00:17:20.760 --> 00:17:22.200
And then you read somebody else's profile

425
00:17:22.200 --> 00:17:25.119
and they'd be like, I like to go hiking, run marathons.

426
00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:27.040
And you'd be like, I was going to try to talk to you,

427
00:17:27.040 --> 00:17:29.200
but I know I ain't going to fit in your world.

428
00:17:29.200 --> 00:17:30.640
I don't even know why they put that on.

429
00:17:30.640 --> 00:17:33.080
They know most people don't run no marathon.

430
00:17:33.080 --> 00:17:34.640
Now, but I just be like,

431
00:17:34.640 --> 00:17:37.200
God, Lee, I want to say something,

432
00:17:37.200 --> 00:17:38.960
but if you expecting that out of me,

433
00:17:38.960 --> 00:17:40.800
it ain't going to work, buddy.

434
00:17:40.800 --> 00:17:43.440
You know, we're not hiking up no mountain.

435
00:17:43.440 --> 00:17:46.440
At least I'm not, I'll see you when you come back down.

436
00:17:46.440 --> 00:17:49.880
I don't mind supporting you in the hike, but my Lord.

437
00:17:50.760 --> 00:17:54.480
So you want to include your faith,

438
00:17:54.480 --> 00:17:58.400
but make it simple, honest, and in an integrated way, right?

439
00:17:58.400 --> 00:18:01.200
So, you know, you want to say,

440
00:18:01.200 --> 00:18:03.240
my faith is very important to me

441
00:18:03.240 --> 00:18:06.500
and the person that I experienced life with,

442
00:18:06.500 --> 00:18:08.400
I will hope to be the same for them.

443
00:18:10.280 --> 00:18:13.200
And you know, my faith in Jesus is very important to me.

444
00:18:13.720 --> 00:18:18.640
I spend, I enjoy spending time in ministry,

445
00:18:18.640 --> 00:18:22.080
building kingdom or doing the work of the Lord

446
00:18:22.080 --> 00:18:24.200
or whatever, however you want to say that.

447
00:18:25.160 --> 00:18:28.880
You can say Sundays usually include going to church.

448
00:18:28.880 --> 00:18:30.280
You can say my Wednesday night

449
00:18:30.280 --> 00:18:32.760
usually includes going to Bible study.

450
00:18:32.760 --> 00:18:34.240
You can say my Saturday mornings

451
00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:36.840
usually include serving the city,

452
00:18:37.720 --> 00:18:39.840
you know, serving the homeless,

453
00:18:39.840 --> 00:18:42.680
serving the disadvantaged,

454
00:18:42.680 --> 00:18:45.620
working at my local foster care center,

455
00:18:45.620 --> 00:18:46.540
something like that.

456
00:18:46.540 --> 00:18:50.680
Then that shows some things about what you like.

457
00:18:50.680 --> 00:18:55.680
So Jackie says that our dating profile

458
00:18:56.180 --> 00:19:00.560
should signal alignment, not control outcomes.

459
00:19:03.280 --> 00:19:05.760
So what does that look like?

460
00:19:06.640 --> 00:19:08.120
When faith, and I'm going to have to read this

461
00:19:08.120 --> 00:19:08.960
in word for word.

462
00:19:08.960 --> 00:19:11.120
When faith becomes overly rigid,

463
00:19:11.120 --> 00:19:14.200
it's often fear trying to create certainty

464
00:19:14.200 --> 00:19:17.400
and that can block healthy connections.

465
00:19:17.400 --> 00:19:19.600
You're not looking for perfect performance.

466
00:19:19.600 --> 00:19:23.320
You're looking for shared values and willingness to grow.

467
00:19:24.500 --> 00:19:27.040
And I think that that's a really big thing right there.

468
00:19:27.040 --> 00:19:28.480
You're not looking for perfect alignment.

469
00:19:28.480 --> 00:19:30.880
You know how sometimes when you do ministry

470
00:19:30.880 --> 00:19:34.480
and you're like, they have to be A, B, C, D.

471
00:19:34.480 --> 00:19:37.120
The only time I think when it is most valuable,

472
00:19:37.120 --> 00:19:39.920
if you know that you've been called to the mission field

473
00:19:41.120 --> 00:19:42.080
and you're pretty much,

474
00:19:42.080 --> 00:19:44.220
you're going to be on the mission field.

475
00:19:44.220 --> 00:19:48.520
Now, even then, if it's a big deal for your spouse

476
00:19:48.520 --> 00:19:49.360
to go on the mission field,

477
00:19:49.360 --> 00:19:52.240
God can always adjust what your mission field looks like.

478
00:19:52.240 --> 00:19:54.860
And so, but you know, you've been called to another country.

479
00:19:54.860 --> 00:19:57.680
You're already in that country, right?

480
00:19:57.680 --> 00:19:58.800
You're already in Iraq.

481
00:19:58.800 --> 00:20:00.400
You're already stationed there.

482
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.680
or wherever you're going to do ministry or because that's a little different. So it's

483
00:20:03.680 --> 00:20:09.120
going to have to be a little bit more, you know, it's going to have to be a little bit

484
00:20:09.120 --> 00:20:15.040
more locked in in that sense. But you want shared value systems.

485
00:20:18.000 --> 00:20:22.080
Just because I'm a minister on a platform doesn't mean you have to be that,

486
00:20:22.080 --> 00:20:24.160
but you do have to be committed to righteousness.

487
00:20:24.160 --> 00:20:35.680
Right? We have a shared value system. So I hope that that is clear.

488
00:20:37.520 --> 00:20:41.040
And then a willingness to grow. And I've said this often,

489
00:20:41.040 --> 00:20:44.880
you're not looking for a perfect person. You're looking for a teachable person,

490
00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:49.360
not teachable by you. You're not the teacher,

491
00:20:49.360 --> 00:20:52.000
but you notice that they have mentors in their life that they send me.

492
00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:57.920
Even though they don't have mentors, they have authority and pastors and leaders and teachers.

493
00:20:59.920 --> 00:21:04.160
Right? They're willing to learn and to grow. They're not stagnant. That means a lot,

494
00:21:04.160 --> 00:21:07.840
because if they're not willing to grow on their own, marriage requires a lot of growth.

495
00:21:08.480 --> 00:21:14.480
It requires a lot of adjustments, a lot of bending. And that even goes for us. I want

496
00:21:14.480 --> 00:21:18.000
y'all to think about that because a lot of times we're looking for marriage-minded men,

497
00:21:18.000 --> 00:21:21.920
but are we being marriage-minded women? If you're unwilling to show grace,

498
00:21:21.920 --> 00:21:25.760
if you're unwilling to forgive, if you're unwilling to bend or to grow,

499
00:21:25.760 --> 00:21:32.560
and if you're still stuck in guarding yourself because of fear, then you may not be as marriage

500
00:21:32.560 --> 00:21:38.320
minded as you would like to be. Now, is there a time and a place for that? Yeah, you're growing

501
00:21:38.320 --> 00:21:42.640
out of that. And that's why you're stepping out on faith and doing the things that you're doing,

502
00:21:42.640 --> 00:21:49.040
because you're coming out of hiding. You're working your way out because you are marriage

503
00:21:49.040 --> 00:21:53.840
minded. And you know that this process is going to require some vulnerability. So you're going to

504
00:21:53.840 --> 00:21:58.560
submit yourself to boundaries so that you can guard your heart without diligence, because you

505
00:21:58.560 --> 00:22:02.800
are stepping out and it is going to sting and you are going to feel their rejection, but you're not

506
00:22:02.800 --> 00:22:07.760
going to identify yourself as rejected. And it is very hard to start talking to somebody, I don't

507
00:22:07.760 --> 00:22:13.120
care if it's a week, and then you have to let it go because you are on a faith journey. And this

508
00:22:13.120 --> 00:22:17.120
faith is built up on the inside of you every Saturday morning, everything we're teaching,

509
00:22:17.120 --> 00:22:21.040
everything you're believing. And of course, you're going to believe when you meet somebody and y'all

510
00:22:21.040 --> 00:22:26.720
start kind of start checking some boxes. Okay, this might could work. And you know that first

511
00:22:26.720 --> 00:22:32.000
month is the most exciting time ever. You could talk on the phone, I don't know, but I feel like

512
00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:37.360
you could talk forever. I don't know what you call that, but it feels good.

513
00:22:40.480 --> 00:22:45.360
So because of that, there's a lot going on right there. Okay. And I don't want y'all to ever think

514
00:22:45.360 --> 00:22:51.360
that that's not an awareness, right? I'm very aware of that. I've experienced it more times

515
00:22:51.360 --> 00:22:56.800
than I could count. And so I understand, and I want you to have fun, but you're going to have

516
00:22:56.800 --> 00:23:00.880
to submit yourself to order and boundaries because if you don't, it's going to cost you more than you

517
00:23:00.880 --> 00:23:12.160
want to pay because it feels so good. It feels so right. And anything has to submit to boundaries.

518
00:23:12.160 --> 00:23:18.880
Okay. I'm not going to get too far out. All right. And so, yeah. So when you do this,

519
00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:28.080
when you share what you're looking for, we are not creating a checklist. We are not doing that.

520
00:23:28.880 --> 00:23:36.720
We're not creating a checklist because that's very intimidating. Even a person who cares it

521
00:23:36.720 --> 00:23:41.040
will reject it because they're like, I'm not trying to meet your standards. You automatically

522
00:23:41.040 --> 00:23:46.640
feel measured. I've looked at people's stuff and I'll be like, I got that, but I ain't going to

523
00:23:46.640 --> 00:23:52.800
give it to them. This woman, you got to be A, B, C, D, and I can be A, B, C, D, E, and F, and G,

524
00:23:52.800 --> 00:23:56.960
but I'm not going to be it for you because I already feel measured and I already feel like

525
00:23:56.960 --> 00:24:02.560
I have to perform for you. It immediately creates a performance mentality. And I'm like,

526
00:24:02.560 --> 00:24:07.520
I'm not going to dance for you. I'm not going to, who are you that I have to meet these requirements

527
00:24:07.520 --> 00:24:12.800
for you? Like, I get offended. Who are you? I don't even know what you carry. I don't even know

528
00:24:12.800 --> 00:24:17.040
who you are. I don't even know if you got the stuff you're trying to tell me that I got to have

529
00:24:17.040 --> 00:24:24.400
to be with you. And it's like, no, don't worry about it. I'll go take my goods somewhere else.

530
00:24:24.400 --> 00:24:29.520
And that's exactly how I respond to that. And so if I'm responding to that, I can't imagine how

531
00:24:29.520 --> 00:24:34.960
a man is responding to a woman that gives this checklist of who he has to be to get to know her.

532
00:24:34.960 --> 00:24:43.280
Okay. And so what we want to do is we want to share what we enjoy. So instead of saying,

533
00:24:43.280 --> 00:24:54.880
I need you to be whatever, A, B, C, D, you will say, I enjoy men who value family,

534
00:24:55.600 --> 00:24:59.840
men who value health and communication.

535
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.080
individuals who value growth and legacy.

536
00:25:06.280 --> 00:25:10.080
I am letting you experience me based on what I enjoy,

537
00:25:10.080 --> 00:25:12.800
and you can determine if you fit anywhere in there.

538
00:25:14.760 --> 00:25:18.800
You can evaluate yourself. Are y'all tracking with me?

539
00:25:20.040 --> 00:25:23.840
Yeah. Okay. It's not a screening test.

540
00:25:24.000 --> 00:25:25.080
It really is.

541
00:25:25.080 --> 00:25:28.480
You're inviting somebody in and see if they align with you.

542
00:25:29.000 --> 00:25:29.840
And then

543
00:25:33.080 --> 00:25:34.880
this is a really good example we have on here.

544
00:25:34.880 --> 00:25:37.280
I'm looking for a relationship where there's consistency,

545
00:25:37.480 --> 00:25:41.280
communication, and we genuinely enjoy doing life together.

546
00:25:42.280 --> 00:25:45.800
Doesn't that sound nice? Yep. It does.

547
00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:50.600
It makes you smile when you hear it. It's like, yeah, I like that too.

548
00:25:53.280 --> 00:25:58.160
I value someone who's emotionally available and communicates well.

549
00:25:59.480 --> 00:26:01.480
Yeah. I know, Roberta. Me too.

550
00:26:01.480 --> 00:26:04.280
Roberta. Roberta. I got you, my student. Yeah.

551
00:26:05.880 --> 00:26:07.880
We talked about using photos.

552
00:26:09.880 --> 00:26:11.280
We don't want to do a lot of filters.

553
00:26:11.280 --> 00:26:13.080
You want to look like yourself for sure.

554
00:26:13.480 --> 00:26:15.880
And you want to pick colors that cause you to pop.

555
00:26:16.680 --> 00:26:20.280
And I want to stop right there for any questions you all may have.

556
00:26:21.880 --> 00:26:24.480
You also want to show photos about...

557
00:26:24.480 --> 00:26:26.880
Show photos maybe of things, not your main photo,

558
00:26:27.080 --> 00:26:30.280
but photos of things you've done. And then I'm going to tell you this.

559
00:26:31.480 --> 00:26:34.880
Another thing you could do is go to ChatGPT.

560
00:26:35.680 --> 00:26:39.680
Type in what you want to say. Say to ChatGPT,

561
00:26:39.680 --> 00:26:41.680
this is everything I want to say about myself.

562
00:26:42.280 --> 00:26:45.880
And then you're going to tell ChatGPT, this is for a dating profile.

563
00:26:46.280 --> 00:26:50.880
I want to sound soft and feminine, but with direction.

564
00:26:51.480 --> 00:26:52.480
Whatever you want to say.

565
00:26:52.480 --> 00:26:56.080
ChatGPT going to spit out to you three different options.

566
00:26:57.280 --> 00:26:59.480
And then you're going to pick the option that you like.

567
00:27:00.680 --> 00:27:02.880
And you want to make sure that you add into there.

568
00:27:02.880 --> 00:27:08.680
I want soft and feminine. Masculine men are attracted to soft,

569
00:27:08.880 --> 00:27:15.480
feminine women. Femininity draws masculinity.

570
00:27:17.980 --> 00:27:20.280
And then when you hear how ChatGPT works,

571
00:27:20.280 --> 00:27:24.280
and you're going to be like, that's me. That's what I want.

572
00:27:24.880 --> 00:27:29.080
So tell ChatGPT who you are, what you're looking for,

573
00:27:29.280 --> 00:27:31.880
what you don't want to sound like, and what you do.

574
00:27:31.880 --> 00:27:33.280
You don't have to say what you don't want to sound like.

575
00:27:33.280 --> 00:27:35.480
Say what you do want it to sound like.

576
00:27:36.280 --> 00:27:36.880
Okay.

577
00:27:38.080 --> 00:27:40.680
What, and I see hands are up probably for coaching,

578
00:27:40.680 --> 00:27:43.880
but who has a question about dating profiles?

579
00:27:47.680 --> 00:27:52.280
Dating profile. If you do, just unmute and go for it.

580
00:27:52.480 --> 00:27:53.880
I have a question, Ebony.

581
00:27:54.880 --> 00:27:56.680
How do you do your profile?

582
00:27:56.680 --> 00:27:59.280
Because I know that there are certain professions

583
00:27:59.280 --> 00:28:01.480
where you're helping people.

584
00:28:01.880 --> 00:28:06.080
And that can be very, I guess, like what you do.

585
00:28:06.080 --> 00:28:08.480
Because I know, I already know you don't put that out there.

586
00:28:08.480 --> 00:28:10.480
So what do you put instead of your profession?

587
00:28:10.480 --> 00:28:12.680
Because I find that sometimes guys will go for that.

588
00:28:13.080 --> 00:28:14.680
Like, what do you do? What's your career?

589
00:28:14.680 --> 00:28:16.680
And then that actually makes me nervous, especially online,

590
00:28:16.680 --> 00:28:20.080
because I've experienced trauma in that area.

591
00:28:20.480 --> 00:28:21.480
And it actually happened.

592
00:28:21.480 --> 00:28:22.480
I'm not going to go to what happened.

593
00:28:22.480 --> 00:28:23.480
I'll save that for later.

594
00:28:23.480 --> 00:28:27.680
But like, how do you guard that where it doesn't end up being the focus

595
00:28:28.080 --> 00:28:32.680
and ends up, and you end up kind of doing what they, your job,

596
00:28:33.080 --> 00:28:36.280
or they end up like, things kind of revolving around your job,

597
00:28:36.280 --> 00:28:38.680
or what you do, or do you even go there at all in your profile?

598
00:28:38.680 --> 00:28:41.080
Oh, well, you know, I'm a teacher by day.

599
00:28:41.880 --> 00:28:42.480
Right.

600
00:28:42.880 --> 00:28:44.080
So I put that I'm a teacher.

601
00:28:44.680 --> 00:28:45.080
Right.

602
00:28:45.080 --> 00:28:47.480
So suppose they ask, so they ask you about your,

603
00:28:47.480 --> 00:28:49.080
so tell me about your career.

604
00:28:49.080 --> 00:28:51.880
Like what, and they are like getting into questions about it

605
00:28:51.880 --> 00:28:53.680
and how was work today?

606
00:28:53.680 --> 00:28:57.080
And every time you try to direct it to finding out about them,

607
00:28:57.480 --> 00:28:59.780
or I think telling them about what you enjoy,

608
00:29:00.080 --> 00:29:01.080
but they're not really.

609
00:29:01.580 --> 00:29:04.680
Oh, well, you just say, yeah, you say, hey,

610
00:29:04.680 --> 00:29:07.580
I would really love to share with you what I do as a career,

611
00:29:07.880 --> 00:29:11.880
but that's part of, parts of my career have to be really be guarded.

612
00:29:12.180 --> 00:29:14.480
And so as we get to know each other better,

613
00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:16.580
that may be something I can open up about,

614
00:29:16.580 --> 00:29:17.780
and they'd be like, guarded.

615
00:29:17.780 --> 00:29:20.580
You, then you'll say, yeah, like if I work for the CIA,

616
00:29:20.580 --> 00:29:22.980
something like that, I wouldn't be able to tell you that.

617
00:29:24.180 --> 00:29:24.680
Okay.

618
00:29:24.680 --> 00:29:24.980
Yeah.

619
00:29:24.980 --> 00:29:27.980
And so it's, vulnerability is a really wonderful thing.

620
00:29:27.980 --> 00:29:30.780
It's a good tool to use and you could just be a front with them

621
00:29:30.780 --> 00:29:32.680
and like, hey, this is what this is.

622
00:29:33.680 --> 00:29:36.580
There are lots of professions where people really can't share

623
00:29:36.580 --> 00:29:37.380
what they do.

624
00:29:39.980 --> 00:29:42.480
They, they can't for, you know, certain reasons.

625
00:29:42.480 --> 00:29:44.280
And so you can say, is that what you mean?

626
00:29:44.280 --> 00:29:46.280
Like you really can't share with them what you do.

627
00:29:47.280 --> 00:29:49.780
Yeah, like I wouldn't want to, because I've had situations too,

628
00:29:49.780 --> 00:29:52.080
like I wouldn't want to go into details about what,

629
00:29:52.080 --> 00:29:55.680
what I do in terms of the, you know, the whole, you know,

630
00:29:55.680 --> 00:29:56.880
I'm a social worker, right?

631
00:29:56.880 --> 00:29:59.980
But what I found is I've, I found is I got mixed.

632
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.440
opinions about that in the past like oh it's good when a guy wants to immerse

633
00:30:04.440 --> 00:30:09.840
you in their lives and they want they want to see like how you can like

634
00:30:09.840 --> 00:30:14.560
partner together in that and like and there's a piece of alignment right where

635
00:30:14.560 --> 00:30:19.160
yeah turn into something but you tell them no like when they you just have to

636
00:30:19.160 --> 00:30:23.520
say no I mean you just have to say what it is when they say it to you Mika yeah

637
00:30:23.520 --> 00:30:28.840
oh hey I totally get your questions I've gotten these before but I really like to

638
00:30:28.840 --> 00:30:33.480
keep this separate my work because it is dealing with people's lives and it is a

639
00:30:33.480 --> 00:30:39.120
sentence of the matter and so let's just talk about something else okay that's

640
00:30:39.120 --> 00:30:43.440
helpful thank you cuz I get the question like oh oh so you oh I can definitely

641
00:30:43.440 --> 00:30:49.800
put you put you to work I have a lot of stuff to work on oh lord like no no I've

642
00:30:49.800 --> 00:30:55.080
heard that before but no my case load is pretty full may I talk about something

643
00:30:55.080 --> 00:31:02.760
else thank you ma'am yeah also I just wanted when she said my profile thought

644
00:31:02.760 --> 00:31:10.560
about all let me read to them what my profile says on on Facebook yeah so it

645
00:31:10.560 --> 00:31:14.280
says I'm someone who loves life and finds joy in meaningful connections

646
00:31:14.280 --> 00:31:18.320
whether there's quality time with family and friends discovering new places or

647
00:31:18.320 --> 00:31:23.080
revisiting old favorites faith is at the center of everything for me prayer

648
00:31:23.080 --> 00:31:28.440
kingdom work and serving others aren't just things I do they're who I am I'm

649
00:31:28.440 --> 00:31:33.200
passionate about life about living a life of purpose and I'm looking for

650
00:31:33.200 --> 00:31:37.880
someone who's walking that same path I'm intentional about dating in very much

651
00:31:37.880 --> 00:31:45.840
marriage minded yeah that's what mine says I used to be the person also

652
00:31:45.840 --> 00:31:51.240
nervous to say oh I'm marriage minded or I'm this but after you date for

653
00:31:51.240 --> 00:31:55.080
discovery for a while you know and you kind of make it through those phases you

654
00:31:55.080 --> 00:32:01.480
do move into a time of dating for spiritual DNA you you there's a time

655
00:32:01.480 --> 00:32:05.480
where you transition into that but this phase when dating for discovery you

656
00:32:05.480 --> 00:32:12.440
really are trying to discover yourself and it's a lot of fun doing it so I had

657
00:32:12.440 --> 00:32:18.120
to do it Jackie was my coach she was the only coach but she's my coach and like

658
00:32:18.120 --> 00:32:23.320
we had like the seven days was like petrifying to me but after I did the

659
00:32:23.320 --> 00:32:34.320
first one I got hooked I was sometimes going like three days a week it took me

660
00:32:34.320 --> 00:32:39.800
so long just to do what she was saying I didn't want to put myself online I

661
00:32:39.800 --> 00:32:44.320
didn't want all this resistance that you know y'all everything I've never said I

662
00:32:45.320 --> 00:32:52.640
always knew it was me and I struggled a lot with oh what if they don't like me

663
00:32:52.640 --> 00:32:57.840
because of my size and but people like different that's like those are all the

664
00:32:57.840 --> 00:33:01.480
thoughts that will run through my mind why I didn't want to post myself I

665
00:33:01.480 --> 00:33:05.200
don't want people just looking at me and realize I look at people and judge them

666
00:33:05.200 --> 00:33:09.920
well I don't judge them but they ain't my type so I have to keep going right or I

667
00:33:09.920 --> 00:33:14.000
look at them be like S.F. I actually look at pictures sometimes like they asking

668
00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:23.000
me out to my please and so I expected not to get there back in return but you

669
00:33:23.000 --> 00:33:25.960
know it's like I got over and so I went on my first day and I was like you gotta

670
00:33:25.960 --> 00:33:32.120
be kidding me I did not know that this was this much fun and so I used to do

671
00:33:32.120 --> 00:33:36.840
three three I always kept three at a time the best will rise to the top the

672
00:33:36.840 --> 00:33:40.200
other one will fall in there the other one fall out I replaced them and now

673
00:33:40.200 --> 00:33:47.480
just keep going so much fun but I learned so much about myself and it

674
00:33:47.480 --> 00:33:51.560
really did change me it changed me a lot so the first time I learned how to

675
00:33:51.560 --> 00:33:56.600
operate in boundaries yeah get a rotation I had to learn how to operate

676
00:33:56.600 --> 00:34:01.560
in boundaries I learned value and honor for myself I watched myself go from

677
00:34:01.560 --> 00:34:07.680
taking really literally crap to elevating in the standard of men and

678
00:34:07.680 --> 00:34:11.040
watching the guy watching God elevate me and restore me and bring me to a

679
00:34:11.040 --> 00:34:17.920
standard that I didn't even know existed and so it was fun it was a lot of fun

680
00:34:17.920 --> 00:34:24.480
and so yeah all things cost and so it you know just come with the cost you

681
00:34:24.480 --> 00:34:29.560
like somebody a lot that didn't work it hurt you know so anyway no more

682
00:34:29.560 --> 00:34:33.840
questions about profiles I always think you can post your profile post your

683
00:34:33.840 --> 00:34:37.960
pictures let us take a look at it let us give you feedback you know us ladies

684
00:34:37.960 --> 00:34:42.480
we know ladies okay we're gonna tell you if they color looks good on you if it's

685
00:34:42.480 --> 00:34:48.199
popping if we can see your eyes if you could look different you know it's all

686
00:34:48.199 --> 00:34:54.320
in the picture baby it is for sure true you know all right so this is the order

687
00:34:54.320 --> 00:35:01.320
that I have I want to start with Karen

688
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:10.000
Yay, I finally got it unmuted.

689
00:35:10.000 --> 00:35:15.840
Well, I finally posted an online profile, which is a huge step.

690
00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:16.840
Yay!

691
00:35:16.840 --> 00:35:17.840
Yay!

692
00:35:17.840 --> 00:35:18.840
Went on a date on Friday.

693
00:35:18.840 --> 00:35:19.840
Woo!

694
00:35:19.840 --> 00:35:20.840
Yep.

695
00:35:20.840 --> 00:35:22.080
So, it was encouraging.

696
00:35:22.080 --> 00:35:24.480
The Lord was so kind that there was traction right away.

697
00:35:24.480 --> 00:35:27.520
That was one of my fears, that there would be no traction.

698
00:35:28.520 --> 00:35:34.040
But, so the question though is, I'm finding, like a lot of the other ladies have said,

699
00:35:34.040 --> 00:35:38.840
men don't tend to ask questions, which I've had in the past.

700
00:35:38.840 --> 00:35:46.120
So at what point, do you have any tips for how to get the conversation going or saying,

701
00:35:46.120 --> 00:35:47.760
hey, what would you like to know?

702
00:35:47.760 --> 00:35:53.760
Or like, how do we, it comes down to, finally I just start making statements to see if they'll

703
00:35:54.000 --> 00:35:56.000
ask me a question and they don't.

704
00:35:56.000 --> 00:35:58.000
So then it just goes dry.

705
00:35:58.000 --> 00:35:59.000
Yeah.

706
00:35:59.000 --> 00:36:02.400
Well, don't be afraid of silence.

707
00:36:02.400 --> 00:36:05.400
And my encouragement to you, not to carry the conversation.

708
00:36:05.400 --> 00:36:08.600
It's a lot of work and it's emotionally draining.

709
00:36:08.600 --> 00:36:13.880
We can do it for a while and not notice it, but then when it hits you, you're pretty tired.

710
00:36:13.880 --> 00:36:22.680
So what, and I've just recently had to do this, I say, I've been doing a lot of the

711
00:36:22.680 --> 00:36:23.680
leading.

712
00:36:23.680 --> 00:36:29.040
I'm just going to sit back right now and I would like you to lead in some questions.

713
00:36:29.040 --> 00:36:33.440
You haven't asked me much about myself and I really like, I want to know what you want

714
00:36:33.440 --> 00:36:34.440
to know about me.

715
00:36:34.440 --> 00:36:38.120
Or I would really like it if you ask me some questions.

716
00:36:38.120 --> 00:36:42.800
When you ask me questions, it shows me that you're interested in me.

717
00:36:42.800 --> 00:36:43.800
Even if we haven't met yet.

718
00:36:43.800 --> 00:36:48.960
I don't care if you ain't met yet, you're on the phone, it's like, hey, I've been doing

719
00:36:48.960 --> 00:36:49.960
a lot of the talking.

720
00:36:49.960 --> 00:36:50.960
I would love to hear from you.

721
00:36:51.960 --> 00:36:56.720
As a matter of fact, when guys ask me questions, it lets me know that they're interested in

722
00:36:56.720 --> 00:36:57.720
me.

723
00:36:57.720 --> 00:37:06.840
Open your mouth and let him rise or fall, sink or swim, it's up to him.

724
00:37:06.840 --> 00:37:12.520
Like one of them, I said, I'm a big fan of meeting in person or talking on the phone

725
00:37:12.520 --> 00:37:19.400
or doing a phone call or video call rather than having extended text conversations.

726
00:37:19.400 --> 00:37:20.400
What are your thoughts on that?

727
00:37:20.840 --> 00:37:21.840
How would you like to schedule that?

728
00:37:21.840 --> 00:37:22.840
And it's been quiet.

729
00:37:22.840 --> 00:37:26.240
I mean, he might come back around, but.

730
00:37:26.240 --> 00:37:32.040
Well that was a nice way to put that, you know, evidently he, maybe he didn't want to

731
00:37:32.040 --> 00:37:33.040
do that.

732
00:37:33.040 --> 00:37:34.040
Yeah.

733
00:37:34.040 --> 00:37:35.040
Cause it's been a week.

734
00:37:35.040 --> 00:37:36.040
I was like, well, it's been a week.

735
00:37:36.040 --> 00:37:38.040
It's time for a phone call or a video.

736
00:37:38.040 --> 00:37:39.040
Yeah.

737
00:37:39.040 --> 00:37:40.040
Yeah.

738
00:37:40.040 --> 00:37:41.040
That was a long time.

739
00:37:41.040 --> 00:37:42.040
Yeah.

740
00:37:42.040 --> 00:37:45.040
I would even have to, you talking about y'all texting back and forth on the app?

741
00:37:45.040 --> 00:37:46.040
Yeah.

742
00:37:46.040 --> 00:37:47.040
For a week.

743
00:37:47.040 --> 00:37:48.040
That's a lot of work.

744
00:37:48.040 --> 00:37:49.040
Yeah.

745
00:37:49.040 --> 00:37:50.040
Yeah.

746
00:37:50.680 --> 00:37:56.440
So about like noticing masculinity from this last week, I did notice that the guy that

747
00:37:56.440 --> 00:38:00.240
I went on a date with, like we connected on Monday, we went on a date on Friday.

748
00:38:00.240 --> 00:38:03.960
He said the time he's like, I'll cover your coffee.

749
00:38:03.960 --> 00:38:10.760
Like he was very, um, intentional, so that's nice to notice that.

750
00:38:10.760 --> 00:38:11.760
Yeah.

751
00:38:11.760 --> 00:38:12.760
That was nice.

752
00:38:12.760 --> 00:38:14.720
And it made the conversation comfortable.

753
00:38:14.720 --> 00:38:15.720
It was great.

754
00:38:15.720 --> 00:38:16.720
That's good.

755
00:38:16.720 --> 00:38:17.720
Yeah.

756
00:38:17.720 --> 00:38:18.720
That's good.

757
00:38:18.720 --> 00:38:19.720
Yeah.

758
00:38:20.400 --> 00:38:25.640
But men can be, I don't know what's up with them and asking questions that I just, it's

759
00:38:25.640 --> 00:38:27.960
true.

760
00:38:27.960 --> 00:38:32.400
But I still, I say the same thing every time, I don't know if you better go get you some

761
00:38:32.400 --> 00:38:35.780
Google or some, I don't know how you get the question.

762
00:38:35.780 --> 00:38:36.780
You better find him.

763
00:38:36.780 --> 00:38:39.120
I don't care if you ask me what my favorite color.

764
00:38:39.120 --> 00:38:41.200
I stopped talking.

765
00:38:41.200 --> 00:38:42.200
I was stopped talking.

766
00:38:42.200 --> 00:38:43.200
I don't care about getting quiet.

767
00:38:43.200 --> 00:38:47.760
We've been, I took a nap on this phone and then after a little while, I'll be like, well,

768
00:38:47.760 --> 00:38:49.600
hey, it's been great.

769
00:38:49.680 --> 00:38:53.840
I see you don't have many questions and you know, like I shared, I'm not planning to move

770
00:38:53.840 --> 00:38:58.120
forward with carrying the conversation, but it was really good while it lasted.

771
00:38:58.120 --> 00:39:02.920
And I hope that when we talk tomorrow that we'll be able to engage in more conversation.

772
00:39:02.920 --> 00:39:03.920
Yeah.

773
00:39:03.920 --> 00:39:04.920
Nice.

774
00:39:04.920 --> 00:39:11.920
One guy's like, are you open-minded?

775
00:39:11.920 --> 00:39:12.920
Hmm.

776
00:39:12.920 --> 00:39:13.920
Open-minded about what?

777
00:39:13.920 --> 00:39:15.920
Why are you open to having a baby?

778
00:39:15.920 --> 00:39:19.280
I'm like, we already covered this two sentences ago.

779
00:39:19.960 --> 00:39:20.960
Okay.

780
00:39:20.960 --> 00:39:25.960
They don't, they don't bliss, they look hard.

781
00:39:25.960 --> 00:39:28.360
He's like, I would love to have another baby.

782
00:39:28.360 --> 00:39:30.080
That's a great ambition.

783
00:39:30.080 --> 00:39:31.080
You don't know me.

784
00:39:31.080 --> 00:39:32.080
Oh, wow.

785
00:39:32.080 --> 00:39:33.080
That is weird.

786
00:39:33.080 --> 00:39:38.160
It was like, wow, you're looking for a baby mama.

787
00:39:38.160 --> 00:39:43.400
That's not me.

788
00:39:43.400 --> 00:39:44.400
I'm looking to be a wife.

789
00:39:44.400 --> 00:39:45.400
I know.

790
00:39:45.400 --> 00:39:46.400
That's true.

791
00:39:46.600 --> 00:39:48.600
I didn't think I'm like, let me ask you about this.

792
00:39:48.600 --> 00:39:49.600
Not just to carry a baby.

793
00:39:49.600 --> 00:39:53.440
He need him a baby mama, he need him a carrier.

794
00:39:53.440 --> 00:39:54.440
That's right.

795
00:39:54.440 --> 00:39:57.000
You can go get yourself a surrogate.

796
00:39:57.000 --> 00:39:58.000
Yeah, that's true.

797
00:39:58.000 --> 00:40:00.000
You know, a guy told me, he said...

798
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.960
He said, I really want a wife.

799
00:40:01.960 --> 00:40:03.400
I said, what do you look forward to in a wife?

800
00:40:03.400 --> 00:40:05.200
I know this, I'm supposed to be listening to you,

801
00:40:05.200 --> 00:40:06.480
but this is what he said.

802
00:40:06.480 --> 00:40:09.520
You know, a wife, she makes the home.

803
00:40:09.520 --> 00:40:11.240
You know, somebody to come home to,

804
00:40:11.240 --> 00:40:13.520
cooks, brings peace to the home.

805
00:40:13.520 --> 00:40:15.720
You know, maybe run your bath water when he got through.

806
00:40:15.720 --> 00:40:16.960
I said, you know what?

807
00:40:16.960 --> 00:40:20.280
I want me a wife too, now that you put it like that.

808
00:40:20.280 --> 00:40:21.120
Right.

809
00:40:23.520 --> 00:40:24.800
I want a wife.

810
00:40:24.800 --> 00:40:27.760
To run your bath water, cook your food, make peace.

811
00:40:27.760 --> 00:40:30.480
I would love to come home to somebody to run my bath water

812
00:40:30.480 --> 00:40:32.120
and cook my food and make peace.

813
00:40:32.120 --> 00:40:34.680
Like, I hear him, but I'm like, I want one too.

814
00:40:34.680 --> 00:40:35.640
He said, what?

815
00:40:35.640 --> 00:40:38.080
I said, I want one too.

816
00:40:38.080 --> 00:40:39.760
That sounds great.

817
00:40:39.760 --> 00:40:40.600
Great.

818
00:40:40.600 --> 00:40:41.440
I want a wife.

819
00:40:41.440 --> 00:40:43.240
If that's the definition of wife, set me up.

820
00:40:43.240 --> 00:40:44.880
Yeah, that's the definition.

821
00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:47.120
But I thought I understood his heart.

822
00:40:47.120 --> 00:40:48.600
He was sharing with her desire.

823
00:40:48.600 --> 00:40:50.000
That's right.

824
00:40:50.000 --> 00:40:51.600
But it was just funny to me when I said that.

825
00:40:51.600 --> 00:40:52.840
He said, what?

826
00:40:52.840 --> 00:40:54.600
I was like, I just want one too.

827
00:40:54.600 --> 00:40:57.600
That's a pretty good thing you got going right there, buddy.

828
00:40:58.600 --> 00:41:00.520
Anyway, go ahead, sir.

829
00:41:00.520 --> 00:41:01.720
No, that was all my questions.

830
00:41:01.720 --> 00:41:04.280
So I'll write that.

831
00:41:04.280 --> 00:41:05.440
I love that we have replays

832
00:41:05.440 --> 00:41:06.520
because I can't write fast enough.

833
00:41:06.520 --> 00:41:08.720
So I will write those prompts down.

834
00:41:08.720 --> 00:41:09.560
Thank you.

835
00:41:09.560 --> 00:41:11.080
Which prompts?

836
00:41:11.080 --> 00:41:15.320
That you said to like go back to have them ask a question.

837
00:41:15.320 --> 00:41:17.800
Like, oh, I've been carrying the conversation.

838
00:41:17.800 --> 00:41:19.120
Oh, okay, okay.

839
00:41:19.120 --> 00:41:19.960
Yeah.

840
00:41:19.960 --> 00:41:21.640
Okay, and I'll try to type it in here.

841
00:41:21.640 --> 00:41:22.480
Awesome.

842
00:41:22.480 --> 00:41:23.520
Thank you.

843
00:41:23.520 --> 00:41:24.720
You're welcome.

844
00:41:24.720 --> 00:41:27.080
Mika, it's been a while.

845
00:41:27.760 --> 00:41:32.760
Okay, I just had to get unmuted.

846
00:41:36.680 --> 00:41:38.960
I didn't expect to be called so soon.

847
00:41:38.960 --> 00:41:39.800
It has been a while.

848
00:41:39.800 --> 00:41:41.360
Well, I put your name after Karen.

849
00:41:41.360 --> 00:41:42.200
Were you after Karen?

850
00:41:42.200 --> 00:41:43.040
Yes.

851
00:41:43.040 --> 00:41:43.880
Okay, perfect.

852
00:41:43.880 --> 00:41:45.280
Yep, yes, ma'am.

853
00:41:45.280 --> 00:41:50.280
Okay, so I was chatting with this guy on art.

854
00:41:50.920 --> 00:41:54.080
And it's been about three or four days,

855
00:41:54.080 --> 00:41:57.080
maybe three days on art back and forth.

856
00:41:57.080 --> 00:41:59.480
He seemed really nice.

857
00:41:59.480 --> 00:42:02.240
I wasn't really, I'm not a fan of like long distance,

858
00:42:02.240 --> 00:42:05.040
but he was just like, you know, I said that really up front.

859
00:42:05.040 --> 00:42:07.320
I'm like, honestly, I really, at this age in my life,

860
00:42:07.320 --> 00:42:09.600
I think I really don't want to do the long distancing.

861
00:42:09.600 --> 00:42:11.360
But he was like, oh, that won't even be an issue.

862
00:42:11.360 --> 00:42:12.800
I'll fly to you.

863
00:42:12.800 --> 00:42:16.480
And I was like, no, I'm not giving up.

864
00:42:16.480 --> 00:42:17.320
I'm not giving up.

865
00:42:17.840 --> 00:42:19.240
I'm not giving up.

866
00:42:19.240 --> 00:42:21.080
He was like, oh, you're beautiful.

867
00:42:21.080 --> 00:42:22.160
And I always remember what you were saying,

868
00:42:22.160 --> 00:42:24.480
like, that's what guys see, their visuals.

869
00:42:24.480 --> 00:42:25.520
So I'm like, okay.

870
00:42:25.520 --> 00:42:29.960
And, you know, and so, you know, we started off okay.

871
00:42:29.960 --> 00:42:32.400
And I was like, oh, what's your favorite book?

872
00:42:32.400 --> 00:42:33.920
Do you like to read?

873
00:42:33.920 --> 00:42:35.720
And he was like, oh, he was like, yeah,

874
00:42:35.720 --> 00:42:37.880
I enjoy Tony Evans.

875
00:42:37.880 --> 00:42:40.960
And he was able to, I was like, what'd you like about it?

876
00:42:40.960 --> 00:42:43.120
But then again, it kind of got to similar

877
00:42:43.120 --> 00:42:45.400
to what she was saying, like with the question.

878
00:42:45.400 --> 00:42:47.080
It's like, no, no, no, wait a minute, here I go,

879
00:42:47.080 --> 00:42:50.000
asking questions and they'll just be dead silent.

880
00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:51.880
So if I ask, how was your day?

881
00:42:51.880 --> 00:42:54.000
Just questions that are very flat.

882
00:42:54.000 --> 00:42:57.440
That is just like, yes, no, did you hope you had a good day?

883
00:42:57.440 --> 00:43:00.240
I'm like, I did, but like, you know,

884
00:43:00.240 --> 00:43:01.080
and even on my profile,

885
00:43:01.080 --> 00:43:03.400
it says communication is very important.

886
00:43:03.400 --> 00:43:07.120
And so, and so I was like, I just want to be transparent.

887
00:43:07.120 --> 00:43:10.640
I'm not going to be, you know, with the long distance thing.

888
00:43:10.640 --> 00:43:13.480
I would only be able to be where I am.

889
00:43:13.480 --> 00:43:15.880
I'm just transitioning to a new church.

890
00:43:15.880 --> 00:43:17.240
I'm a caregiver too.

891
00:43:17.240 --> 00:43:19.280
So like, where are your roots?

892
00:43:19.280 --> 00:43:20.120
My roots are here.

893
00:43:20.120 --> 00:43:22.080
And he's like, well, my roots will be wherever my wife is.

894
00:43:22.080 --> 00:43:24.360
I'm looking for a wife and a family,

895
00:43:24.360 --> 00:43:25.200
a wife and a family.

896
00:43:25.200 --> 00:43:26.600
He went right to it.

897
00:43:26.600 --> 00:43:28.240
And I was like, oh, okay.

898
00:43:28.240 --> 00:43:33.240
And he said he, he was just like,

899
00:43:35.400 --> 00:43:37.800
he went into like this whole thing about like,

900
00:43:37.800 --> 00:43:40.720
have I ever been engaged before?

901
00:43:41.520 --> 00:43:43.920
And I was like, honestly, I, I think I was like,

902
00:43:43.920 --> 00:43:45.640
we don't have enough relational equity

903
00:43:45.640 --> 00:43:47.400
to really talk about that yet.

904
00:43:47.400 --> 00:43:48.720
I've never been married.

905
00:43:48.720 --> 00:43:49.560
Have you been married?

906
00:43:49.560 --> 00:43:50.400
And he's like, no.

907
00:43:50.400 --> 00:43:51.640
I was like, hey, I was like,

908
00:43:51.640 --> 00:43:53.480
maybe once we get to know each other,

909
00:43:53.480 --> 00:43:56.240
we'll actually have a phone call, actual conversation.

910
00:43:57.400 --> 00:43:58.840
Then we can talk about those things.

911
00:43:58.840 --> 00:44:01.600
But right now I'm interested in just getting to know you.

912
00:44:02.880 --> 00:44:04.520
And so we went back and forth like that for a while.

913
00:44:04.520 --> 00:44:07.520
And then I started dropping the hints about the text message

914
00:44:07.520 --> 00:44:09.120
because it will throw these things out.

915
00:44:10.080 --> 00:44:11.880
Because it will throw these long gaps.

916
00:44:11.880 --> 00:44:13.320
He started having these long gaps.

917
00:44:13.320 --> 00:44:14.160
And then I said, you know what?

918
00:44:14.160 --> 00:44:15.640
I'm not offended.

919
00:44:15.640 --> 00:44:17.480
I was like, so apologize.

920
00:44:17.480 --> 00:44:20.640
I probably shouldn't have said I'm offended

921
00:44:20.640 --> 00:44:21.560
because I don't really know you.

922
00:44:21.560 --> 00:44:23.240
We're getting to know each other.

923
00:44:23.240 --> 00:44:27.280
But, but then I started saying, I was like, you know what?

924
00:44:27.280 --> 00:44:30.160
I'm not really good with the texting, the text messaging.

925
00:44:30.160 --> 00:44:32.000
I'm not the best with text messaging.

926
00:44:32.000 --> 00:44:33.360
Some things were coming up.

927
00:44:34.360 --> 00:44:35.520
I probably should have just broken down

928
00:44:35.520 --> 00:44:37.880
and said I have preferred phone conversations.

929
00:44:37.880 --> 00:44:39.920
And I think like in-person,

930
00:44:39.920 --> 00:44:41.480
because then getting to know someone in-person

931
00:44:41.480 --> 00:44:42.800
is really the best way to go.

932
00:44:42.800 --> 00:44:44.920
So long story short, we kept kind of like,

933
00:44:44.920 --> 00:44:46.280
you know, kind of keyed us around

934
00:44:46.280 --> 00:44:48.040
what he was doing with soccer.

935
00:44:49.920 --> 00:44:53.760
But then today he was like, what do you do?

936
00:44:53.760 --> 00:44:58.320
And I was like, oh, I'm a social worker and help families.

937
00:44:58.320 --> 00:45:00.560
He was like, oh, I want to be a social worker.

938
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:01.440
for one day too.

939
00:45:01.440 --> 00:45:02.960
And I was like, really?

940
00:45:02.960 --> 00:45:04.760
I was like, so what do you do now?

941
00:45:04.760 --> 00:45:08.680
And he was like, well, I'm into investment and insurance.

942
00:45:08.680 --> 00:45:10.080
And I was like, life insurance?

943
00:45:10.080 --> 00:45:12.320
I'm like, if I'm being negative, it's scary.

944
00:45:12.320 --> 00:45:17.320
I didn't, like, I was like, oh Lord,

945
00:45:17.320 --> 00:45:19.720
oh Lord, I'll be on the news.

946
00:45:19.720 --> 00:45:20.600
What kind of insurance?

947
00:45:20.600 --> 00:45:22.800
I didn't ask what kind of insurance.

948
00:45:22.800 --> 00:45:24.320
But I was like, okay.

949
00:45:24.320 --> 00:45:27.220
And he was like, but I think I wanna switch to social work.

950
00:45:27.220 --> 00:45:30.300
And like I said, I can fly out there.

951
00:45:30.300 --> 00:45:32.420
And I was just like, well,

952
00:45:32.420 --> 00:45:34.900
I was like, do you like what you do?

953
00:45:34.900 --> 00:45:37.220
And he was like, yeah, I like it.

954
00:45:37.220 --> 00:45:40.300
But I just, I was like, what do you like about it?

955
00:45:40.300 --> 00:45:41.660
He was like, I help people.

956
00:45:41.660 --> 00:45:42.620
And I was like, okay.

957
00:45:42.620 --> 00:45:44.900
He was like, I've always wanted to get my MSW.

958
00:45:44.900 --> 00:45:46.260
I'm like, all right.

959
00:45:46.260 --> 00:45:49.180
But to be honest, that actually turns me off.

960
00:45:49.180 --> 00:45:52.140
It was like a turn off for me because I feel like

961
00:45:52.140 --> 00:45:53.820
I kind of, I'm at a phase in my life

962
00:45:53.820 --> 00:45:56.100
where I want you already cooked.

963
00:45:56.100 --> 00:45:57.780
Like there should be a partnership.

964
00:45:57.780 --> 00:46:00.540
Like if I'm already like doing all these things

965
00:46:00.540 --> 00:46:03.100
with social work, I feel like it's gonna be

966
00:46:03.100 --> 00:46:04.540
like a masculine thing.

967
00:46:04.540 --> 00:46:06.820
And I'm gonna be, he's gonna be looking.

968
00:46:06.820 --> 00:46:10.180
So like, you know, like it's gonna, I don't, you know,

969
00:46:10.180 --> 00:46:12.580
I don't know, maybe I'm thinking too far ahead.

970
00:46:12.580 --> 00:46:14.680
So I said, you know what?

971
00:46:14.680 --> 00:46:17.300
I was like, Ana, to be transparent with you,

972
00:46:17.300 --> 00:46:19.660
the distancing is a bigger deal for me

973
00:46:19.660 --> 00:46:21.920
than I realized in the very beginning.

974
00:46:23.140 --> 00:46:24.740
I was like, it sounds like we were just kind of

975
00:46:24.740 --> 00:46:26.100
going back and forth with texts.

976
00:46:26.100 --> 00:46:28.140
And I was like, maybe if I was in my twenties,

977
00:46:28.140 --> 00:46:30.580
you could just kind of see or whatever.

978
00:46:30.580 --> 00:46:32.140
But I'm really at a place right now.

979
00:46:32.140 --> 00:46:34.800
I want to get to know someone right away in person.

980
00:46:35.900 --> 00:46:37.560
And that's just, that's just for me.

981
00:46:37.560 --> 00:46:39.580
And also that's about safety.

982
00:46:39.580 --> 00:46:42.220
And I wish you the best.

983
00:46:42.220 --> 00:46:43.540
You seem, you're a really nice guy.

984
00:46:43.540 --> 00:46:45.100
You seem like you're God fearing.

985
00:46:45.100 --> 00:46:49.020
And I want somebody that you can go to your games,

986
00:46:49.020 --> 00:46:50.660
your soccer games, these games that you're doing

987
00:46:50.660 --> 00:46:53.060
for these kids, because it sounds like it's amazing.

988
00:46:53.060 --> 00:46:54.420
And I honestly, I won't be,

989
00:46:54.420 --> 00:46:55.780
I thought about what you were teaching us

990
00:46:55.780 --> 00:46:58.100
about being able to reciprocate.

991
00:46:58.100 --> 00:47:00.020
And I'm like, I wouldn't be able to reciprocate

992
00:47:00.020 --> 00:47:01.900
flying out and not fully knowing you.

993
00:47:01.900 --> 00:47:02.940
That's too much.

994
00:47:02.940 --> 00:47:04.420
I wouldn't be able to risk that.

995
00:47:04.420 --> 00:47:07.100
I don't feel comfortable making a risk like that.

996
00:47:07.100 --> 00:47:10.700
And yeah, and so, and so I was like, yeah.

997
00:47:10.700 --> 00:47:12.300
So I was like, I wish you the best,

998
00:47:12.300 --> 00:47:13.980
but get this, it gets better.

999
00:47:13.980 --> 00:47:16.220
So I matched him.

1000
00:47:16.220 --> 00:47:19.220
Dude found me on LinkedIn.

1001
00:47:19.940 --> 00:47:20.780
Hmm.

1002
00:47:20.780 --> 00:47:23.100
Yes, requested me on LinkedIn.

1003
00:47:23.100 --> 00:47:24.660
I'm like, how did he do that?

1004
00:47:25.580 --> 00:47:27.260
Should I be, should I be nervous?

1005
00:47:27.260 --> 00:47:28.100
Should I flag it?

1006
00:47:28.100 --> 00:47:29.940
Should I see it as that's a wonderful thing?

1007
00:47:29.940 --> 00:47:32.140
Or I don't know.

1008
00:47:32.140 --> 00:47:33.940
I shouldn't say, should I see it as persistence

1009
00:47:33.940 --> 00:47:35.300
and mask him trying to step up?

1010
00:47:35.300 --> 00:47:36.500
He was like, he was like, I know.

1011
00:47:36.500 --> 00:47:39.740
He acknowledged about the communication thing online.

1012
00:47:39.740 --> 00:47:41.580
And then he was just like, you know,

1013
00:47:41.580 --> 00:47:42.660
he was going on and trying to,

1014
00:47:42.660 --> 00:47:46.540
when he realized I was pulling away, then he was going in.

1015
00:47:46.540 --> 00:47:48.540
But some guys enjoy the chase.

1016
00:47:48.540 --> 00:47:51.140
He was showing me who he was the past four dates.

1017
00:47:51.140 --> 00:47:54.100
I was like, I was like natural connection.

1018
00:47:54.100 --> 00:47:55.540
Something that happens organically.

1019
00:47:55.540 --> 00:47:57.020
I don't want to have to pull and force.

1020
00:47:57.020 --> 00:47:58.140
Like you said, that's exhausting.

1021
00:47:58.140 --> 00:48:00.540
I don't have the energy to be finding out

1022
00:48:00.540 --> 00:48:01.540
and asking questions.

1023
00:48:01.540 --> 00:48:03.100
I do that for work.

1024
00:48:03.100 --> 00:48:04.940
Like, you know, so I don't know.

1025
00:48:04.940 --> 00:48:05.940
I just want your opinion.

1026
00:48:05.940 --> 00:48:08.420
Do you think I should give him another chance on LinkedIn?

1027
00:48:08.420 --> 00:48:10.260
I feel like a step is missing.

1028
00:48:10.260 --> 00:48:11.700
Like I've said.

1029
00:48:11.700 --> 00:48:12.740
No, no, no.

1030
00:48:12.740 --> 00:48:15.100
You don't want to be involved because of the distance.

1031
00:48:15.100 --> 00:48:16.700
Just leave that alone.

1032
00:48:16.860 --> 00:48:19.380
What is your opinion about the whole process?

1033
00:48:19.380 --> 00:48:22.260
I think I'm reaching out your LinkedIn

1034
00:48:22.260 --> 00:48:25.260
and we haven't even had a phone conversation yet.

1035
00:48:25.260 --> 00:48:26.340
Hey, say that again.

1036
00:48:26.340 --> 00:48:27.180
I'm sorry.

1037
00:48:27.180 --> 00:48:28.020
It went out a little bit.

1038
00:48:28.020 --> 00:48:30.580
He found me on LinkedIn

1039
00:48:30.580 --> 00:48:33.220
or from the app to LinkedIn.

1040
00:48:33.220 --> 00:48:35.620
When I unmatched him, he found me.

1041
00:48:35.620 --> 00:48:37.780
Oh, when you unmatched him.

1042
00:48:37.780 --> 00:48:39.300
Yeah, because he said something.

1043
00:48:39.300 --> 00:48:40.860
And then I was just like, I was like,

1044
00:48:40.860 --> 00:48:41.780
oh, I wish you the best.

1045
00:48:41.780 --> 00:48:43.900
He was like, he was like, I don't mind flying out.

1046
00:48:43.900 --> 00:48:45.820
He's like, I am financially independent.

1047
00:48:45.820 --> 00:48:46.660
Cause he's right.

1048
00:48:46.660 --> 00:48:48.340
Like when you start talking about going to school,

1049
00:48:48.340 --> 00:48:53.140
it does give off, I'm not secure or something stable.

1050
00:48:53.140 --> 00:48:56.260
Something's off for career or whatever.

1051
00:48:56.260 --> 00:48:59.940
Like I would be carrying him at one point or something.

1052
00:48:59.940 --> 00:49:01.900
But I didn't say that.

1053
00:49:01.900 --> 00:49:02.740
But he said it.

1054
00:49:02.740 --> 00:49:04.620
He was like, he acknowledged the weakness

1055
00:49:04.620 --> 00:49:07.020
in our interactions on the app.

1056
00:49:07.020 --> 00:49:10.580
And then I was like, no, I didn't even reply.

1057
00:49:10.580 --> 00:49:13.700
I just unmatched him in the conversation.

1058
00:49:13.700 --> 00:49:15.340
It pulls it.

1059
00:49:16.140 --> 00:49:17.580
None of my information was anywhere,

1060
00:49:17.580 --> 00:49:21.540
but he found me on, like I said, he found me on LinkedIn.

1061
00:49:21.540 --> 00:49:23.820
Maybe he could put it in my picture or image or something.

1062
00:49:23.820 --> 00:49:25.340
I'm like, how does he find me on LinkedIn

1063
00:49:25.340 --> 00:49:26.660
without your information?

1064
00:49:26.660 --> 00:49:29.500
Probably just did some really good research.

1065
00:49:29.500 --> 00:49:30.500
This puts you at ease.

1066
00:49:30.500 --> 00:49:32.300
I know a lot of women who research men

1067
00:49:32.300 --> 00:49:34.500
and they're not trying to kill them.

1068
00:49:34.500 --> 00:49:35.340
This is true.

1069
00:49:36.860 --> 00:49:38.820
We got some investigators on this screen

1070
00:49:38.820 --> 00:49:40.860
written in to know everything about these men.

1071
00:49:40.860 --> 00:49:43.860
Pads, who they auntie is, who they cousin is, baby.

1072
00:49:43.860 --> 00:49:45.300
I used to be an investigator.

1073
00:49:46.140 --> 00:49:47.980
I used to know who their next door neighbor was

1074
00:49:47.980 --> 00:49:49.540
and I wasn't trying to kill them.

1075
00:49:49.540 --> 00:49:52.540
And so I'm just telling you, he is not out to kill you.

1076
00:49:52.540 --> 00:49:53.460
So it's okay.

1077
00:49:53.460 --> 00:49:55.420
He could have just investigated you.

1078
00:49:56.500 --> 00:49:57.340
It's true.

1079
00:49:57.340 --> 00:49:58.940
Actually it is wisdom, right?

1080
00:49:58.940 --> 00:50:00.740
So technically I should be the best.

1081
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.880
to get it done while they were on the app too.

1082
00:50:02.880 --> 00:50:03.880
Well, you don't have to.

1083
00:50:03.880 --> 00:50:05.840
It's unnecessary.

1084
00:50:05.840 --> 00:50:09.120
It's a lot of energy for a lot of nothing.

1085
00:50:09.120 --> 00:50:09.620
OK.

1086
00:50:09.620 --> 00:50:10.120
Thank you.

1087
00:50:10.120 --> 00:50:11.200
That's how I do it.

1088
00:50:11.200 --> 00:50:13.200
Yeah.

1089
00:50:13.200 --> 00:50:13.700
I'm sorry.

1090
00:50:13.700 --> 00:50:14.200
Yeah.

1091
00:50:14.200 --> 00:50:14.700
You do?

1092
00:50:14.700 --> 00:50:16.560
Yeah.

1093
00:50:16.560 --> 00:50:18.560
I mean, you got serious about somebody

1094
00:50:18.560 --> 00:50:20.060
and you wanted to look up something.

1095
00:50:20.060 --> 00:50:22.440
But looking up every person you talk to on the app,

1096
00:50:22.440 --> 00:50:26.680
conversation could last a week or two weeks.

1097
00:50:26.680 --> 00:50:28.680
No, but yeah, the distance is going to get you.

1098
00:50:28.680 --> 00:50:30.560
The point is, is the distance is the issue.

1099
00:50:30.560 --> 00:50:32.720
So no, you shouldn't give them another chance.

1100
00:50:32.720 --> 00:50:34.640
That's settled in your heart.

1101
00:50:34.640 --> 00:50:35.560
That's a done deal.

1102
00:50:35.560 --> 00:50:37.800
That's a non-negotiable for you.

1103
00:50:37.800 --> 00:50:38.560
Yeah.

1104
00:50:38.560 --> 00:50:42.280
So not settling in your heart is a non-negotiable.

1105
00:50:42.280 --> 00:50:45.600
And you're not going to miss anything.

1106
00:50:49.480 --> 00:50:50.880
Oh, you're welcome.

1107
00:50:50.880 --> 00:50:52.440
Lovetta.

1108
00:50:59.680 --> 00:51:00.180
I'm sorry.

1109
00:51:00.180 --> 00:51:02.680
I had to figure out how to unmute myself again.

1110
00:51:02.680 --> 00:51:04.680
You're OK.

1111
00:51:04.680 --> 00:51:10.280
So for the last four weeks, I've been talking with Estella.

1112
00:51:10.280 --> 00:51:14.480
And my insecurities are starting to pop in.

1113
00:51:14.480 --> 00:51:18.920
We did minimal chatting back and forth online.

1114
00:51:18.920 --> 00:51:24.680
And it was, I think, a week or two ago.

1115
00:51:25.160 --> 00:51:30.320
And it was, I think, right around Easter.

1116
00:51:30.320 --> 00:51:32.160
All of a sudden, he just says, would you

1117
00:51:32.160 --> 00:51:34.400
like to have a phone call?

1118
00:51:34.400 --> 00:51:36.000
And I just said, I love that.

1119
00:51:36.000 --> 00:51:37.480
Shot on my number.

1120
00:51:37.480 --> 00:51:40.880
And within five minutes of me putting the number on the app,

1121
00:51:40.880 --> 00:51:42.720
he was calling my phone.

1122
00:51:42.720 --> 00:51:46.040
So we've had very good conversations.

1123
00:51:46.040 --> 00:51:48.800
We've been chatting for about four weeks now.

1124
00:51:48.800 --> 00:51:50.480
We have gotten together in person.

1125
00:51:50.480 --> 00:51:53.040
He is about two hours away.

1126
00:51:53.040 --> 00:51:57.840
And there is lapsing and texting.

1127
00:51:57.840 --> 00:52:00.760
And he is very busy.

1128
00:52:00.760 --> 00:52:01.680
I can understand that.

1129
00:52:01.680 --> 00:52:04.080
And he did say sometimes he gets emotionally drained.

1130
00:52:04.080 --> 00:52:09.480
And he apologizes if he doesn't reach out from time to time.

1131
00:52:09.480 --> 00:52:12.080
But my insecurities are seriously

1132
00:52:12.080 --> 00:52:15.800
starting to kick in because another date is not planned.

1133
00:52:15.800 --> 00:52:19.200
And it's been a little over a week.

1134
00:52:19.200 --> 00:52:22.400
But there is a lot going on in his life.

1135
00:52:22.840 --> 00:52:23.360
I'm sorry.

1136
00:52:23.360 --> 00:52:25.200
How long have y'all been talking?

1137
00:52:25.200 --> 00:52:26.480
About four weeks.

1138
00:52:26.480 --> 00:52:27.680
And we've been on one date.

1139
00:52:30.720 --> 00:52:33.880
He lives a little over two hours away.

1140
00:52:33.880 --> 00:52:37.280
And he drove all the way here and spent

1141
00:52:37.280 --> 00:52:40.240
about two and a half hours having dinner with me

1142
00:52:40.240 --> 00:52:42.000
and then drove home that evening.

1143
00:52:42.000 --> 00:52:44.640
So it is quite a drive.

1144
00:52:44.640 --> 00:52:47.160
He is a prosecutor.

1145
00:52:47.160 --> 00:52:50.000
So he's got a very intense job.

1146
00:52:50.000 --> 00:52:55.400
His days get long in court and taking care of case files.

1147
00:52:55.400 --> 00:52:58.480
Along with that, he's also applied for two different jobs

1148
00:52:58.480 --> 00:53:01.400
and been going to job interviews the last couple of weeks.

1149
00:53:01.400 --> 00:53:05.560
And now is in the process of putting his home up for sale.

1150
00:53:05.560 --> 00:53:06.960
And he also flips homes.

1151
00:53:06.960 --> 00:53:08.800
So he's trying to work on the floor and stuff

1152
00:53:08.800 --> 00:53:12.560
so he can make a little bit of a profit off of it.

1153
00:53:12.560 --> 00:53:14.960
So my insecurities are really starting

1154
00:53:14.960 --> 00:53:18.400
to rise because I've never dated a man of this caliber before.

1155
00:53:18.400 --> 00:53:23.320
And he really likes that I'm not overly demanding

1156
00:53:23.320 --> 00:53:28.040
that he's texting every day and I'm not flipping on on him.

1157
00:53:28.040 --> 00:53:30.560
How often does he communicate with you?

1158
00:53:30.560 --> 00:53:33.760
Usually every two to three days.

1159
00:53:33.760 --> 00:53:35.000
I'll hear from him.

1160
00:53:35.000 --> 00:53:41.440
And then I'm sorry, I did a big loop.

1161
00:53:41.440 --> 00:53:43.480
Keep talking.

1162
00:53:43.480 --> 00:53:47.120
Every two to three days, he'll text you?

1163
00:53:47.120 --> 00:53:51.840
No, yesterday he messaged me and we messaged yesterday.

1164
00:53:51.840 --> 00:53:54.200
And then in the evening, it just kind of fell off.

1165
00:53:54.200 --> 00:53:55.720
And then he responded this morning

1166
00:53:55.720 --> 00:53:59.320
kind of messaging back and forth throughout the day.

1167
00:53:59.320 --> 00:54:04.000
But I do know that there's a lot going on in his life.

1168
00:54:04.000 --> 00:54:05.600
And when he gets home, he's probably

1169
00:54:05.600 --> 00:54:07.200
trying to get stuff done because he's

1170
00:54:07.200 --> 00:54:09.400
putting his house on the market.

1171
00:54:09.400 --> 00:54:11.160
So I'm very understanding with that.

1172
00:54:11.160 --> 00:54:15.240
But just my insecurities are stepping in.

1173
00:54:15.240 --> 00:54:18.240
We're just in the process of getting to know each other.

1174
00:54:18.240 --> 00:54:20.720
Nothing's exclusive at this point.

1175
00:54:20.720 --> 00:54:24.600
So how do I reel myself in?

1176
00:54:28.680 --> 00:54:34.600
Well, does he have time for dating right now in his life?

1177
00:54:34.600 --> 00:54:36.120
Because it sounds like he may not.

1178
00:54:39.400 --> 00:54:41.840
That's what I'm curious about.

1179
00:54:41.840 --> 00:54:43.040
Well, OK.

1180
00:54:43.080 --> 00:54:45.720
So that needs to be your question.

1181
00:54:45.720 --> 00:54:47.760
And if he does have time for dating,

1182
00:54:47.760 --> 00:54:49.840
then regardless of whatever he has going on,

1183
00:54:49.840 --> 00:54:52.880
then he's saying he's committed to making time for that.

1184
00:54:52.880 --> 00:54:54.960
So that should be the question you ask.

1185
00:54:54.960 --> 00:54:58.080
I want to say this to all of us ladies.

1186
00:54:58.080 --> 00:55:01.160
Sometimes we believe.

1187
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.880
that our insecurities are popping up are.

1188
00:55:02.880 --> 00:55:04.800
But sometimes when your nervous system

1189
00:55:04.800 --> 00:55:08.720
gets a little out of whack, it's not always you.

1190
00:55:08.720 --> 00:55:12.680
It is the lack of direction from the man.

1191
00:55:12.680 --> 00:55:14.640
It is because there's no direction.

1192
00:55:14.640 --> 00:55:16.400
You don't know which way you're going.

1193
00:55:16.400 --> 00:55:19.920
And that sends off an alarm to your nervous system.

1194
00:55:19.920 --> 00:55:23.200
Because a man who comes and brings clarity,

1195
00:55:23.200 --> 00:55:26.800
you will see you are not triggered.

1196
00:55:26.800 --> 00:55:29.120
Your nervous system is calm and at peace

1197
00:55:29.120 --> 00:55:31.520
because he's providing direction for you.

1198
00:55:31.520 --> 00:55:34.760
And when there's a lack of direction and clarity,

1199
00:55:34.760 --> 00:55:39.360
you will find yourself becoming very anxious, very nervous,

1200
00:55:39.360 --> 00:55:41.440
like we call it nervous or anxious.

1201
00:55:41.440 --> 00:55:42.760
But you're going to feel it.

1202
00:55:42.760 --> 00:55:45.760
And your system is starting to get wonky.

1203
00:55:45.760 --> 00:55:49.080
But a man that comes in and provides that leadership,

1204
00:55:49.080 --> 00:55:51.400
he's clear about what he wants.

1205
00:55:51.400 --> 00:55:52.160
I am you.

1206
00:55:52.160 --> 00:55:53.680
Don't have that.

1207
00:55:53.680 --> 00:55:56.520
And I just want you all to be mindful,

1208
00:55:56.520 --> 00:56:01.040
be aware that that can also create that in you.

1209
00:56:01.040 --> 00:56:03.400
You could feel those things happening in you.

1210
00:56:03.400 --> 00:56:06.320
Now, you have the responsibility to take care

1211
00:56:06.320 --> 00:56:09.720
of your nervous system and to attend to you.

1212
00:56:09.720 --> 00:56:11.280
You can attend to yourself.

1213
00:56:11.280 --> 00:56:15.560
But I want us to be mindful not to always put something on us.

1214
00:56:15.560 --> 00:56:17.680
Notice when something outside of us

1215
00:56:17.680 --> 00:56:19.800
that our system is responding to and saying, not safe,

1216
00:56:19.800 --> 00:56:20.600
not safe, not safe.

1217
00:56:20.600 --> 00:56:22.680
That's what your system is saying, hey, hey, hey.

1218
00:56:22.680 --> 00:56:24.280
I know this place.

1219
00:56:24.280 --> 00:56:26.400
This feels familiar to me.

1220
00:56:26.400 --> 00:56:27.200
I know this.

1221
00:56:27.200 --> 00:56:29.560
And it's sending alarms out to you.

1222
00:56:29.560 --> 00:56:31.440
And you think, get yourself together.

1223
00:56:31.440 --> 00:56:32.360
It's OK.

1224
00:56:32.360 --> 00:56:33.600
You need to calm down.

1225
00:56:33.600 --> 00:56:35.000
Don't act like that.

1226
00:56:35.000 --> 00:56:38.760
Your system is just requiring some attention.

1227
00:56:38.760 --> 00:56:40.240
Right?

1228
00:56:40.240 --> 00:56:43.040
And so if somebody is only texting you

1229
00:56:43.040 --> 00:56:44.280
every three to four days.

1230
00:56:47.280 --> 00:56:50.280
And honestly, I'm OK with that because I

1231
00:56:50.280 --> 00:56:53.320
don't like the endless texting that goes nowhere.

1232
00:56:53.320 --> 00:56:56.440
So when he does, and here's what I want to clarify.

1233
00:56:56.440 --> 00:57:01.160
When he is texting, he seems to be intentional about

1234
00:57:01.160 --> 00:57:03.600
conversation, asking how I'm doing,

1235
00:57:03.600 --> 00:57:05.640
like if I tell him something's going on in my life,

1236
00:57:05.640 --> 00:57:07.120
like I just got my vehicle back.

1237
00:57:07.120 --> 00:57:09.640
He's like, well, how much was the bill?

1238
00:57:09.640 --> 00:57:12.040
I could have probably done it better.

1239
00:57:12.040 --> 00:57:16.960
And I'm thinking, well, we're not exclusive.

1240
00:57:16.960 --> 00:57:21.240
So he was curious in what was repaired

1241
00:57:21.240 --> 00:57:23.160
and how bad I got gypped.

1242
00:57:23.760 --> 00:57:26.920
So I think there is, I would say he's

1243
00:57:26.920 --> 00:57:30.960
led with more clarity than most men that I've dated.

1244
00:57:30.960 --> 00:57:35.600
And I like that texting every day endlessly about nothing.

1245
00:57:35.600 --> 00:57:38.720
Well, I would prefer a phone call

1246
00:57:38.720 --> 00:57:40.760
because y'all look a good age.

1247
00:57:40.760 --> 00:57:44.880
So no one should be texting endless in my opinion

1248
00:57:44.880 --> 00:57:48.240
unless that's your preferred form of communication.

1249
00:57:48.240 --> 00:57:51.880
But I do want to say this.

1250
00:57:51.880 --> 00:57:54.840
The question needs to be raised if he's interested

1251
00:57:54.840 --> 00:57:59.080
and is he relationship minded or marriage minded?

1252
00:57:59.080 --> 00:58:00.960
Because if he says yes,

1253
00:58:00.960 --> 00:58:03.800
then there needs to come with some intentionality.

1254
00:58:03.800 --> 00:58:06.360
And I'm not sure that I'm convinced texting somebody

1255
00:58:06.360 --> 00:58:09.960
every three or four days is intentional.

1256
00:58:09.960 --> 00:58:11.360
And I will tell you this,

1257
00:58:11.360 --> 00:58:14.040
I know I'm pretty sure it won't build a relationship.

1258
00:58:16.400 --> 00:58:18.280
So whether you like it or not,

1259
00:58:18.280 --> 00:58:21.160
it's going to be really hard to build a connection that way.

1260
00:58:21.160 --> 00:58:22.480
So what does that mean?

1261
00:58:22.480 --> 00:58:25.160
You're left with filling in the blanks.

1262
00:58:25.160 --> 00:58:28.480
What could be, what I do like.

1263
00:58:28.480 --> 00:58:30.840
You hold on to the things that he does say.

1264
00:58:30.840 --> 00:58:32.880
You got to hold on to some script

1265
00:58:32.880 --> 00:58:35.480
to wait for another three to four days

1266
00:58:35.480 --> 00:58:38.000
because his life is so busy.

1267
00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:40.040
And he has this going on and that going on

1268
00:58:40.040 --> 00:58:41.960
and this going on and that going on.

1269
00:58:41.960 --> 00:58:44.400
Or this, that and all the other doesn't matter

1270
00:58:44.400 --> 00:58:46.960
when a person wants to build connection with you.

1271
00:58:46.960 --> 00:58:50.400
You're not going to be able to build connection this way.

1272
00:58:50.400 --> 00:58:53.760
And you're left by yourself to piece something together

1273
00:58:53.760 --> 00:58:55.600
to hang on that long,

1274
00:58:55.600 --> 00:59:00.600
unless you are dating someone else and it doesn't matter.

1275
00:59:01.640 --> 00:59:04.160
And so if you are dating someone else,

1276
00:59:04.160 --> 00:59:06.400
I can see how you can go three or four days

1277
00:59:06.400 --> 00:59:07.560
without talking to a person

1278
00:59:07.560 --> 00:59:09.040
because it really doesn't matter.

1279
00:59:09.040 --> 00:59:11.080
But if you are not, LaVetta,

1280
00:59:12.200 --> 00:59:13.600
you have to be mindful

1281
00:59:13.600 --> 00:59:16.100
that you're not building a story without him.

1282
00:59:18.320 --> 00:59:19.440
Because if that's the case,

1283
00:59:19.440 --> 00:59:21.720
you're actually doing more work in your emotions

1284
00:59:21.720 --> 00:59:25.760
than he is doing in your natural physical process.

1285
00:59:27.040 --> 00:59:30.800
And so you're going to have to see what he wants

1286
00:59:31.680 --> 00:59:33.880
or fall back to his pacing

1287
00:59:34.840 --> 00:59:37.840
and talk to someone who wants to build connection with you.

1288
00:59:39.760 --> 00:59:41.320
Well, I guess I'm confused

1289
00:59:41.320 --> 00:59:44.720
because you guys talk about pacing within the same token.

1290
00:59:45.920 --> 00:59:48.840
I've had guys blown on my phone for a month on end

1291
00:59:49.240 --> 00:59:50.160
when I'm getting a phone call.

1292
00:59:50.160 --> 00:59:53.600
Him and I actually have a couple phone calls a week.

1293
00:59:53.600 --> 00:59:54.440
I can't hear you.

1294
00:59:54.440 --> 00:59:56.120
You say you actually what?

1295
00:59:56.120 --> 00:59:59.720
We've had at least two phone calls every week.

1296
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:07.000
For the last two phone calls a week. Yeah, about an hour, hour and a half long. Okay,

1297
01:00:07.000 --> 01:00:13.080
so you just introduced that information. Yeah, we have been talking on the phone. And then

1298
01:00:13.080 --> 01:00:18.600
in between, like, we'll lapse like a day or two, and then we'll do some texting. And I'll

1299
01:00:18.600 --> 01:00:24.480
be like, hey, we'd love to hear your voice can connect and then we'll make a phone call.

1300
01:00:24.480 --> 01:00:28.760
Okay, so this added information you do understand what you told me was he only takes you every

1301
01:00:28.760 --> 01:00:34.320
three to four days? Well, I had mentioned at the beginning that we had phone calls.

1302
01:00:34.320 --> 01:00:38.440
I didn't hear that. So he takes you every three or four days and you talk to him twice

1303
01:00:38.440 --> 01:00:47.040
a week a week at least for an hour and a half. Yeah, we have. What is we have or we do? Oh,

1304
01:00:47.040 --> 01:00:53.000
we have the last couple weeks. The last conversation we had was on Saturday. And then before that

1305
01:00:53.000 --> 01:01:00.320
you had a conversation when on the Tuesday before that, it was like Friday before that,

1306
01:01:00.320 --> 01:01:07.280
we actually had a date on the Sunday. So I saw him forward. And I don't know if it's

1307
01:01:07.280 --> 01:01:17.320
a lot on his part. I think it's just me getting nervous. Okay, what are you nervous about?

1308
01:01:17.320 --> 01:01:27.960
I don't know. I think it's just one of these. Oh, you know, got a really good job and I'm

1309
01:01:27.960 --> 01:01:37.640
smart, very smart. Maybe I'm not worthy. Mm hmm. And so if we're going to go down that

1310
01:01:37.640 --> 01:01:46.760
road, what was happening here is you don't feel worthy of his vocation. Okay, because

1311
01:01:46.760 --> 01:01:58.000
at the end of the day, whether a person is a lawyer, a judge, pastor, a preacher, and

1312
01:01:58.000 --> 01:02:05.360
let's say a president, whatever you want to call it now, certain levels of people, your

1313
01:02:05.360 --> 01:02:09.400
level, okay, what I don't want to talk about that. I don't want to say that part. What

1314
01:02:09.400 --> 01:02:16.560
I'm telling you at the end of the day, they're a person, they're an individual. And when

1315
01:02:16.560 --> 01:02:21.640
they show up in your life, they're going to, if he's a, if somebody is a lawyer, when

1316
01:02:21.640 --> 01:02:24.880
they come into your house, if they're your husband, they're not a lawyer in your house,

1317
01:02:24.880 --> 01:02:31.240
they're John in your house. They ain't a lawyer. They titled on coming to their responsibility

1318
01:02:31.240 --> 01:02:35.320
as a husband. They ain't got nothing to do with it. That's what they do. It's not who

1319
01:02:35.320 --> 01:02:46.160
they are. You understand? It's what they do, not who they are. And so I'm saying that to

1320
01:02:46.160 --> 01:02:50.800
you so we can deal with this unworthiness. And if you feel unworthy of him, I want you

1321
01:02:50.800 --> 01:02:58.160
to stop talking to him because in your unworthiness, you will accept less than heaven's best for

1322
01:02:58.160 --> 01:03:05.320
you. And I absolutely mean it. If this cannot be resolved, you, I encourage you to stop

1323
01:03:05.320 --> 01:03:11.960
talking to him. You are setting yourself up for abuse in every way, because there's no

1324
01:03:11.960 --> 01:03:18.800
way you can use anything properly. When you feel unworthy of it, you don't even feel deserving

1325
01:03:18.800 --> 01:03:27.080
of a thing. That means you can't find value in it because you don't find value in you.

1326
01:03:27.080 --> 01:03:33.800
Everything is skewed. You know, when a man doesn't feel like he deserves a woman, a lot

1327
01:03:33.800 --> 01:03:40.600
of time, those type of men don't treat that woman well because he has no value for it.

1328
01:03:40.600 --> 01:03:46.520
He doesn't even have value for himself. So how can he value this thing? How can he see

1329
01:03:46.520 --> 01:03:57.160
the value of it? Does that make sense? So if you, and if you feel unworthy of him, you're

1330
01:03:57.160 --> 01:04:05.240
going to accept a lot of things you shouldn't be accepting. I just, I want to say that.

1331
01:04:05.240 --> 01:04:08.080
What do you think about when you hear that? Because I'm about to repeat the same thing

1332
01:04:08.080 --> 01:04:36.400
and that's not going to be helpful. When you hear that, what are your thoughts?

1333
01:04:36.400 --> 01:04:44.080
But that's the case. That's something that I have to work on me. I don't know if it means

1334
01:04:44.080 --> 01:04:49.280
I need to stop talking to him because I'm into this with other men as well. Not just

1335
01:04:49.280 --> 01:04:56.960
the man who's caliper. I felt unworthy.

1336
01:04:56.960 --> 01:05:00.000
Well, you say, are you telling me every man that you talked to, you don't

1337
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.040
feel worthy of?

1338
01:05:05.960 --> 01:05:07.680
Not every one of them,

1339
01:05:07.680 --> 01:05:09.520
but the ones I really seem to like.

1340
01:05:11.040 --> 01:05:13.040
The ones you think even if, okay,

1341
01:05:13.040 --> 01:05:14.640
let me give you an example.

1342
01:05:14.640 --> 01:05:17.440
If the man you really liked worked at a convenience store,

1343
01:05:17.440 --> 01:05:19.040
would you feel unworthy of him?

1344
01:05:22.120 --> 01:05:23.940
Possibly, yeah.

1345
01:05:23.940 --> 01:05:26.700
No, well, we do have, yeah.

1346
01:05:27.540 --> 01:05:30.500
What do you feel unworthy about?

1347
01:05:30.500 --> 01:05:35.140
Do you feel like, what is it that makes you unworthy?

1348
01:05:41.940 --> 01:05:45.140
So I feel unworthy because...

1349
01:05:56.700 --> 01:06:01.700
I don't know how to answer that right now.

1350
01:06:09.620 --> 01:06:14.460
All right, let's make a post

1351
01:06:14.460 --> 01:06:17.260
so that you and I can start conversating about that.

1352
01:06:17.260 --> 01:06:20.120
I'm gonna give you some questions to explore

1353
01:06:20.120 --> 01:06:21.260
so that we can kind of,

1354
01:06:21.260 --> 01:06:23.340
there'll be some filling in the blank,

1355
01:06:23.340 --> 01:06:25.860
kind of give you a sentence stem,

1356
01:06:25.860 --> 01:06:27.340
and then you fill it in

1357
01:06:27.340 --> 01:06:29.740
so we can get to the bottom of that.

1358
01:06:31.860 --> 01:06:34.700
I won't be able to convince you of your worthiness,

1359
01:06:34.700 --> 01:06:39.020
but I can help us lay out what the root of this is,

1360
01:06:39.020 --> 01:06:40.580
and then we can deal with it.

1361
01:06:40.580 --> 01:06:42.540
We can take an ax and chop it down.

1362
01:06:43.900 --> 01:06:46.660
Yeah, and then we can plant new seeds.

1363
01:06:46.660 --> 01:06:48.900
They're gonna produce new fruit in your life.

1364
01:06:51.020 --> 01:06:54.500
I am concerned that he only calls you once a week.

1365
01:06:54.500 --> 01:06:56.140
I'm concerned that he only texts you

1366
01:06:56.140 --> 01:06:58.100
every three to four days.

1367
01:06:58.100 --> 01:06:59.900
And I'm interested to see

1368
01:06:59.900 --> 01:07:02.260
how you're gonna build something solid with it.

1369
01:07:04.300 --> 01:07:06.980
If you feel unworthy, I'm concerned about that.

1370
01:07:06.980 --> 01:07:08.140
And if you're holding onto it

1371
01:07:08.140 --> 01:07:09.380
because you think it's the best thing

1372
01:07:09.380 --> 01:07:13.220
that ever happened to you, I'm concerned about that.

1373
01:07:13.220 --> 01:07:15.820
And so those thoughts flow back and forth

1374
01:07:15.820 --> 01:07:17.140
because if you feel unworthy,

1375
01:07:17.140 --> 01:07:19.300
you also believe that this is so good.

1376
01:07:19.900 --> 01:07:24.900
And my thought process, you may not feel that way.

1377
01:07:25.180 --> 01:07:26.860
I'm not trying to put thoughts on you,

1378
01:07:26.860 --> 01:07:29.460
but there's an even highway, there's an even flow.

1379
01:07:30.780 --> 01:07:35.780
And so, and I do want you to ask him,

1380
01:07:36.260 --> 01:07:39.500
has he told you if he wants to build anything with you?

1381
01:07:40.780 --> 01:07:42.820
If he's married to you?

1382
01:07:42.820 --> 01:07:43.660
Well, at this point,

1383
01:07:43.660 --> 01:07:45.940
he's like, we're just getting to know each other.

1384
01:07:45.940 --> 01:07:48.420
He's like, we don't really know each other yet.

1385
01:07:48.420 --> 01:07:52.100
So he's wanting to pace things as well,

1386
01:07:52.100 --> 01:07:55.220
which is fine with me.

1387
01:07:55.220 --> 01:07:59.580
It's like, I'm glad that he's not like

1388
01:07:59.580 --> 01:08:01.180
blowing up my phone every day.

1389
01:08:04.340 --> 01:08:05.220
Yeah, I hear you,

1390
01:08:05.220 --> 01:08:08.620
but this is not about blowing up your phone every day.

1391
01:08:08.620 --> 01:08:10.980
This is about intentionality.

1392
01:08:10.980 --> 01:08:13.780
And I want us to get that clear.

1393
01:08:13.780 --> 01:08:16.420
Blowing up your phone every day could be love bombing.

1394
01:08:16.460 --> 01:08:19.220
It could be an attachment style for a person.

1395
01:08:19.220 --> 01:08:21.060
They just want to talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk,

1396
01:08:21.060 --> 01:08:23.819
talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

1397
01:08:23.819 --> 01:08:26.380
Okay, which does speed up the pace.

1398
01:08:26.380 --> 01:08:28.020
But when you ask somebody, so like,

1399
01:08:28.020 --> 01:08:30.779
hey, what are you actually looking for?

1400
01:08:30.779 --> 01:08:32.500
Are you marriage minded?

1401
01:08:32.500 --> 01:08:35.580
Are you dating for a committed relationship someday?

1402
01:08:35.580 --> 01:08:37.620
I'm not asking you for anything right now.

1403
01:08:37.620 --> 01:08:40.979
I'm just wanting to know what is your goal?

1404
01:08:40.979 --> 01:08:42.660
Yeah, we already had that conversation.

1405
01:08:42.660 --> 01:08:44.380
Okay, that's what I was just asking you about.

1406
01:08:44.380 --> 01:08:45.660
And what did he say?

1407
01:08:45.660 --> 01:08:48.060
Yeah, he's looking for a relationship.

1408
01:08:49.979 --> 01:08:51.859
Seems to be marriage minded,

1409
01:08:52.899 --> 01:08:55.380
but we're in the process of getting to know each other.

1410
01:08:55.380 --> 01:08:59.020
I did let him know that that is my end goal.

1411
01:08:59.020 --> 01:09:00.420
I don't know if it's with him.

1412
01:09:00.420 --> 01:09:02.979
My intent is to get to know him as a person.

1413
01:09:10.540 --> 01:09:14.540
But the end result would be I am looking for marriage.

1414
01:09:14.580 --> 01:09:16.779
So if marriage is something

1415
01:09:16.779 --> 01:09:20.700
that you're never wanting to do again,

1416
01:09:20.700 --> 01:09:25.700
or isn't in your plan, then he seems to be okay with that.

1417
01:09:27.140 --> 01:09:28.979
He's looking for a relationship.

1418
01:09:28.979 --> 01:09:30.779
But ultimately, we're just in the process

1419
01:09:30.779 --> 01:09:32.380
of getting to know each other, so.

1420
01:09:32.380 --> 01:09:35.939
Hey, Lavea, okay, let me say something.

1421
01:09:35.939 --> 01:09:38.859
You don't have to defend to me

1422
01:09:38.859 --> 01:09:40.819
what y'all in the process of doing.

1423
01:09:41.420 --> 01:09:44.700
I'm concerned that when you do that,

1424
01:09:44.700 --> 01:09:49.100
that you're not operating in the reality of things with me.

1425
01:09:49.100 --> 01:09:52.020
So there's a direct question on the table.

1426
01:09:52.020 --> 01:09:54.540
Is he marriage minded or not?

1427
01:09:54.540 --> 01:09:57.220
Not does he want to date someone long-term.

1428
01:09:57.220 --> 01:09:59.500
You're not looking for a long-term relationship.

1429
01:09:59.500 --> 01:10:00.340
You wanna know.

1430
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:01.680
Oh, he's marriage minded.

1431
01:10:01.680 --> 01:10:03.840
Now, you just said that to me, but you never

1432
01:10:03.840 --> 01:10:06.000
told me what his answer was.

1433
01:10:06.000 --> 01:10:08.560
Because if you threw out to him what you just said,

1434
01:10:08.560 --> 01:10:10.920
unless you're saying this to me and you didn't actually

1435
01:10:10.920 --> 01:10:16.500
say it to him, if you said to him, my end goal is marriage

1436
01:10:16.500 --> 01:10:21.120
and he said nothing back, then that's a concern.

1437
01:10:21.120 --> 01:10:23.480
I know that you're in the beginning stages.

1438
01:10:23.480 --> 01:10:26.040
I'm not asking you to speed anything up.

1439
01:10:26.040 --> 01:10:30.240
But I am your editor.

1440
01:10:30.240 --> 01:10:32.400
I catch what you cannot see.

1441
01:10:32.400 --> 01:10:35.320
And I am not interested in you going down

1442
01:10:35.320 --> 01:10:38.600
a path with a man who is not marriage minded.

1443
01:10:38.600 --> 01:10:42.280
So that means if you were two months in,

1444
01:10:42.280 --> 01:10:45.440
that means two months of you were tied up in that.

1445
01:10:45.440 --> 01:10:49.360
And you're going to have to recover from it.

1446
01:10:49.360 --> 01:10:52.160
And so knowing that he's marriage minded,

1447
01:10:52.160 --> 01:10:55.120
it has nothing to do with going ahead of time.

1448
01:10:55.120 --> 01:10:58.160
It lets you know the type of person you're working with

1449
01:10:58.160 --> 01:11:01.920
and how much you should invest of you.

1450
01:11:01.920 --> 01:11:05.000
So you can still talk to him if he's not marriage minded.

1451
01:11:05.000 --> 01:11:11.160
But you can now know how to invest yourself properly.

1452
01:11:11.160 --> 01:11:11.920
Right?

1453
01:11:11.920 --> 01:11:13.800
And so after you put in time, you

1454
01:11:13.800 --> 01:11:16.600
won't come back with unmet expectations.

1455
01:11:20.640 --> 01:11:24.560
So let me go back and ask the question again.

1456
01:11:24.560 --> 01:11:27.840
Did he say he was marriage minded or not?

1457
01:11:30.960 --> 01:11:34.120
Or y'all didn't really talk about it?

1458
01:11:34.120 --> 01:11:36.000
He more asked me.

1459
01:11:36.000 --> 01:11:37.640
So I guess.

1460
01:11:37.640 --> 01:11:38.920
You say what now?

1461
01:11:38.920 --> 01:11:40.360
More or less.

1462
01:11:40.360 --> 01:11:42.200
He asked me.

1463
01:11:42.200 --> 01:11:43.360
What you were looking for.

1464
01:11:49.320 --> 01:11:50.520
Yeah.

1465
01:11:50.520 --> 01:11:53.000
And I don't remember if I asked him that.

1466
01:11:53.000 --> 01:11:55.920
So maybe that's something I need to ask him.

1467
01:11:55.920 --> 01:11:58.040
I think that in one of those one hour conversations

1468
01:11:58.040 --> 01:12:01.560
y'all are having, I think it would be really good to say,

1469
01:12:01.560 --> 01:12:05.560
hey, I didn't get any clarity on this.

1470
01:12:05.560 --> 01:12:07.960
And I know you asked me about my intentions.

1471
01:12:07.960 --> 01:12:10.520
But I also would like to know about your intentions.

1472
01:12:10.520 --> 01:12:12.840
And I'm not looking for a commitment or anything

1473
01:12:12.840 --> 01:12:13.640
from you right now.

1474
01:12:13.640 --> 01:12:15.480
We're just getting to know each other.

1475
01:12:15.480 --> 01:12:17.640
But are you marriage minded?

1476
01:12:17.640 --> 01:12:20.720
And if so, when do you look to be married?

1477
01:12:23.960 --> 01:12:25.720
I was talking to a guy.

1478
01:12:25.720 --> 01:12:27.560
And he was great.

1479
01:12:27.560 --> 01:12:28.960
He treated me so good.

1480
01:12:28.960 --> 01:12:30.360
I liked him a lot.

1481
01:12:30.360 --> 01:12:32.520
And I always have wanted a Hispanic.

1482
01:12:32.520 --> 01:12:33.680
And he was Hispanic.

1483
01:12:33.680 --> 01:12:36.640
And so I just really like Hispanic men.

1484
01:12:36.640 --> 01:12:38.200
And he was a little chubby too.

1485
01:12:38.200 --> 01:12:41.000
I don't know why I like the little chubby, chubby ones.

1486
01:12:41.000 --> 01:12:43.720
And I don't like chubby Black men.

1487
01:12:43.720 --> 01:12:46.080
But when they're Hispanic, they just be so cute.

1488
01:12:46.080 --> 01:12:47.840
Like a little teddy to be.

1489
01:12:47.840 --> 01:12:51.600
And so you know how they talk.

1490
01:12:52.600 --> 01:12:54.560
It just makes me happy.

1491
01:12:54.560 --> 01:12:58.280
And so I was like, are you marriage minded?

1492
01:12:58.280 --> 01:13:00.840
He plays on a worship team, really great guy

1493
01:13:00.840 --> 01:13:02.160
in ministry and stuff.

1494
01:13:02.160 --> 01:13:04.400
He was like, yeah, in about five years.

1495
01:13:04.400 --> 01:13:06.080
Yeah.

1496
01:13:06.080 --> 01:13:08.280
Yeah, he's married minded in five years.

1497
01:13:08.280 --> 01:13:09.600
I said, bro.

1498
01:13:09.600 --> 01:13:12.160
I said, let me talk to you like a sister in Christ right now.

1499
01:13:12.160 --> 01:13:13.720
I said, I can't ride with you.

1500
01:13:13.720 --> 01:13:14.760
He said, what you mean?

1501
01:13:14.760 --> 01:13:17.120
I said, I ain't finna be with you for five years.

1502
01:13:17.120 --> 01:13:20.120
And what you think we supposed to do them five years?

1503
01:13:20.160 --> 01:13:22.520
You going to have sex with you?

1504
01:13:22.520 --> 01:13:24.080
Like, what you planning on doing?

1505
01:13:24.080 --> 01:13:25.520
Because I ain't sleeping with you,

1506
01:13:25.520 --> 01:13:26.800
and I ain't going to be with you five years

1507
01:13:26.800 --> 01:13:27.960
without sleeping with you.

1508
01:13:27.960 --> 01:13:29.560
So that ain't going to work for me.

1509
01:13:29.560 --> 01:13:32.120
Like, he was just like, oh.

1510
01:13:32.120 --> 01:13:36.040
So I'm just giving you an example of how smooth that was.

1511
01:13:36.040 --> 01:13:39.520
It's just, it's nothing to that, right?

1512
01:13:39.520 --> 01:13:41.000
And then I quickly just moved down.

1513
01:13:41.000 --> 01:13:43.080
So let me talk to you like a sister in Christ.

1514
01:13:43.080 --> 01:13:45.080
I ain't finna wait for no man for no five years.

1515
01:13:45.080 --> 01:13:46.960
I don't encourage nobody to do that.

1516
01:13:46.960 --> 01:13:50.000
But that was his bottom line.

1517
01:13:50.880 --> 01:13:53.600
He said, I'm not getting married before five years.

1518
01:13:53.600 --> 01:13:55.520
And we gracefully split.

1519
01:13:56.760 --> 01:13:59.360
Because I wasn't finna stay with him for five years.

1520
01:14:00.880 --> 01:14:04.600
And so, and God forbid you give up two years

1521
01:14:04.600 --> 01:14:06.040
and before you know it, then you ain't married

1522
01:14:06.040 --> 01:14:07.880
and you done wasted two years with somebody.

1523
01:14:07.880 --> 01:14:10.640
So anyway, that's what I'm saying to you, Lovette.

1524
01:14:10.640 --> 01:14:13.500
I want you to get, just get that clear.

1525
01:14:14.960 --> 01:14:15.800
And,

1526
01:14:18.600 --> 01:14:19.440
please do.

1527
01:14:20.400 --> 01:14:21.480
And post.

1528
01:14:21.480 --> 01:14:24.480
So we can get to the bottom of the unworthiness.

1529
01:14:24.480 --> 01:14:27.520
And you made a lot of breakthrough in this area.

1530
01:14:27.520 --> 01:14:29.760
And I don't want you to lose ground.

1531
01:14:29.760 --> 01:14:31.960
And sometimes we think we're really struggling

1532
01:14:31.960 --> 01:14:34.880
when the enemy is coming back to take ground from us.

1533
01:14:35.760 --> 01:14:37.040
Do you understand what I'm saying?

1534
01:14:37.040 --> 01:14:39.480
So you'll start believing it's you,

1535
01:14:39.480 --> 01:14:41.960
but you, you made a lot of ground in this.

1536
01:14:41.960 --> 01:14:44.200
You covered a lot of ground in this area.

1537
01:14:46.320 --> 01:14:47.960
And so.

1538
01:14:47.960 --> 01:14:49.640
Yeah, because, I mean,

1539
01:14:51.040 --> 01:14:53.680
the last guys I've dated off the apps and stuff,

1540
01:14:53.680 --> 01:14:55.640
I've known my worth, I think,

1541
01:14:55.640 --> 01:14:58.680
because this one is of a higher caliber.

1542
01:14:58.680 --> 01:14:59.720
It's, you know, like,

1543
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:11.480
Yeah, he may have a higher job title, but I want you to know that the foundations for

1544
01:15:11.480 --> 01:15:16.680
a husband, there are people with job titles, owners of companies, they get divorced every

1545
01:15:16.680 --> 01:15:17.680
day.

1546
01:15:17.680 --> 01:15:22.680
They get divorced every day because it takes a special skill set to do the institution

1547
01:15:22.680 --> 01:15:24.240
of marriage.

1548
01:15:24.240 --> 01:15:28.720
And I need you to remember that because it doesn't matter what title he has out there

1549
01:15:28.720 --> 01:15:30.200
in the world.

1550
01:15:30.200 --> 01:15:35.760
What matters is if he's integrious, if he's honorable, if he's teachable, if he's righteous,

1551
01:15:35.760 --> 01:15:40.960
if he's a leader, who he is on the inside, right?

1552
01:15:40.960 --> 01:15:45.920
And so I hear you about that title, but the title ain't going to be worth a hill of beans

1553
01:15:45.920 --> 01:15:51.520
when he take on the title as husband, because it's going to trump that.

1554
01:15:51.520 --> 01:15:54.300
And that's when the rubber is going to meet the road.

1555
01:15:54.300 --> 01:15:59.620
And so I just need you to grab a hold to that truth.

1556
01:15:59.620 --> 01:16:01.540
All right.

1557
01:16:01.540 --> 01:16:03.100
Thank you.

1558
01:16:03.100 --> 01:16:04.100
You're welcome.

1559
01:16:04.100 --> 01:16:05.100
All right.

1560
01:16:05.100 --> 01:16:06.100
Joanne.

1561
01:16:06.100 --> 01:16:07.100
Hi, it's been a while.

1562
01:16:07.100 --> 01:16:08.100
Hey, hey.

1563
01:16:08.100 --> 01:16:09.100
Hi.

1564
01:16:09.100 --> 01:16:10.100
So I have a couple questions.

1565
01:16:10.100 --> 01:16:11.100
Okay.

1566
01:16:11.100 --> 01:16:12.100
The first one is I'm excited.

1567
01:16:12.100 --> 01:16:27.340
I'm going on a date with the guy this Sunday, but this is a more general question.

1568
01:16:27.340 --> 01:16:28.340
The first question is general.

1569
01:16:28.340 --> 01:16:36.940
It's like, it's always awkward after a date and it's like, okay, what do you do now?

1570
01:16:36.940 --> 01:16:37.940
Say goodbye?

1571
01:16:37.940 --> 01:16:45.380
Like, do you wait for the guy to initiate, like, oh, you know, you want to see each other?

1572
01:16:45.380 --> 01:16:52.660
Because sometimes guys who are interested, they don't immediately ask, you know, ask

1573
01:16:52.660 --> 01:16:57.660
me out again, but some guys, because they're not interested in something more, they find

1574
01:16:57.660 --> 01:17:02.860
out something doesn't seem the line, then they don't really say anything in the moment.

1575
01:17:02.860 --> 01:17:03.860
You know what I mean?

1576
01:17:03.860 --> 01:17:10.100
So do you recommend, like, just to not say anything and be like, I had a good time.

1577
01:17:10.100 --> 01:17:11.100
Okay.

1578
01:17:11.100 --> 01:17:12.100
Talk to you later.

1579
01:17:12.100 --> 01:17:13.100
Yeah.

1580
01:17:13.100 --> 01:17:20.140
So Jackie teaches when we, you know, get home or whatever, we just shoot a message and tell

1581
01:17:20.140 --> 01:17:21.700
them that we enjoyed the date.

1582
01:17:21.700 --> 01:17:22.700
Okay.

1583
01:17:22.700 --> 01:17:23.700
Yep.

1584
01:17:23.700 --> 01:17:26.500
So, hey, it was a really great date.

1585
01:17:26.500 --> 01:17:27.980
Would love to do it again someday.

1586
01:17:27.980 --> 01:17:30.500
Or even if you're on the phone with him.

1587
01:17:30.500 --> 01:17:31.500
So it's a really great date.

1588
01:17:31.500 --> 01:17:33.420
Would love to do it again.

1589
01:17:33.980 --> 01:17:37.100
And so they already know that you are interested in having another date with them.

1590
01:17:37.100 --> 01:17:39.180
And so that's not up for question.

1591
01:17:39.180 --> 01:17:40.180
Okay.

1592
01:17:40.180 --> 01:17:45.060
So, well, this guy's driving about an hour and a half to see me.

1593
01:17:45.060 --> 01:17:50.260
So should, I think I would say something like, oh, text him when you get home because I want

1594
01:17:50.260 --> 01:17:52.260
to make sure he's got home safely.

1595
01:17:52.260 --> 01:17:55.060
No, no, he's not a child.

1596
01:17:55.060 --> 01:17:56.060
He's not a woman.

1597
01:17:56.060 --> 01:17:57.060
He's a man.

1598
01:17:57.060 --> 01:17:58.060
Okay.

1599
01:17:58.060 --> 01:17:59.060
Okay.

1600
01:17:59.060 --> 01:18:00.060
Okay.

1601
01:18:00.100 --> 01:18:01.100
Okay.

1602
01:18:01.100 --> 01:18:07.900
So, so just text him like, the point is, should I know you should not, you can if you want

1603
01:18:07.900 --> 01:18:08.900
to, but he's a man.

1604
01:18:08.900 --> 01:18:09.900
Right.

1605
01:18:09.900 --> 01:18:10.900
Okay.

1606
01:18:10.900 --> 01:18:11.900
Uh huh.

1607
01:18:11.900 --> 01:18:12.900
Okay.

1608
01:18:12.900 --> 01:18:17.660
So, so do you think I should wait until he gets home and text that to him or, I don't

1609
01:18:17.660 --> 01:18:18.660
know what you should do.

1610
01:18:18.660 --> 01:18:22.740
You can do either one, but I'm telling you, you don't have a responsibility that is kind,

1611
01:18:22.740 --> 01:18:23.740
but he's not a woman.

1612
01:18:23.740 --> 01:18:26.180
He's not a child.

1613
01:18:26.180 --> 01:18:29.140
And so you can, you can say that to him.

1614
01:18:29.220 --> 01:18:33.140
I just wanted to get rid of, I should, no, you don't have to.

1615
01:18:33.140 --> 01:18:39.300
It is kind, but men aren't like women now.

1616
01:18:39.300 --> 01:18:41.820
They're not, he's a man.

1617
01:18:41.820 --> 01:18:43.500
Just remember that part.

1618
01:18:43.500 --> 01:18:48.380
And so when he, when you think he's made it home, just say, hope you made it home safe,

1619
01:18:48.380 --> 01:18:49.380
you know?

1620
01:18:49.380 --> 01:18:50.380
Okay.

1621
01:18:50.380 --> 01:18:51.380
Okay.

1622
01:18:51.380 --> 01:18:57.420
You know, I just think when we say text me when you make it, you know, it's just a very

1623
01:18:57.420 --> 01:18:58.420
feminine thing to me.

1624
01:18:58.420 --> 01:18:59.420
What are your latest things?

1625
01:18:59.420 --> 01:19:00.420
Do y'all think that's pretty feminine?

1626
01:19:00.420 --> 01:19:01.420
What do you think, Ms. Bunny?

1627
01:19:01.420 --> 01:19:02.420
You can school us.

1628
01:19:02.420 --> 01:19:03.420
You think?

1629
01:19:03.420 --> 01:19:04.420
Yeah.

1630
01:19:04.420 --> 01:19:05.420
Ms. Bunny was married for 36 years.

1631
01:19:05.420 --> 01:19:06.420
Like, tell us something.

1632
01:19:06.420 --> 01:19:07.420
I agree with you, Ebony.

1633
01:19:07.420 --> 01:19:25.660
It is a feminine thing and most men are not going to respond to that in a good way.

1634
01:19:25.660 --> 01:19:31.540
It puts them on the hook for making sure they get back to you at a certain time for

1635
01:19:31.540 --> 01:19:33.100
one thing.

1636
01:19:33.100 --> 01:19:40.580
For another, it's like you are acting like there might be problems with them making it

1637
01:19:40.580 --> 01:19:41.580
home.

1638
01:19:41.580 --> 01:19:50.140
And that is giving him the masculine viewpoint of himself that he would want you to have,

1639
01:19:50.140 --> 01:19:51.140
I don't think.

1640
01:19:51.140 --> 01:19:52.140
Okay.

1641
01:19:52.140 --> 01:19:53.140
Yeah.

1642
01:19:53.140 --> 01:19:54.140
That was so good, Ms. Bunny.

1643
01:19:54.140 --> 01:20:00.060
I'm so glad I asked you.

1644
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.000
I'm so good!

1645
01:20:04.380 --> 01:20:05.220
Thank you!

1646
01:20:08.020 --> 01:20:13.020
Oh, I'm so good, I gotta tell the team about this, darling!

1647
01:20:13.060 --> 01:20:15.640
Oh, I have to watch the replay!

1648
01:20:15.640 --> 01:20:20.640
I know it didn't sound right, but I didn't know it like that.

1649
01:20:24.400 --> 01:20:25.240
Yeah.

1650
01:20:26.100 --> 01:20:27.120
Don't do it, Joanne.

1651
01:20:27.120 --> 01:20:28.800
I know you a little hard-headed sometimes.

1652
01:20:28.800 --> 01:20:30.280
I won't do it.

1653
01:20:30.280 --> 01:20:31.480
Can I ask you a question?

1654
01:20:31.480 --> 01:20:34.340
I won't, I'm listening, I'm trying, okay.

1655
01:20:35.280 --> 01:20:40.280
The next question is about dating Catholic men, okay?

1656
01:20:40.840 --> 01:20:42.920
So I'm very charismatic.

1657
01:20:42.920 --> 01:20:46.400
Yeah, I'm charismatic, so.

1658
01:20:46.400 --> 01:20:49.240
You know it ain't gonna work out, Joanne.

1659
01:20:49.240 --> 01:20:50.080
What?

1660
01:20:50.080 --> 01:20:52.240
You know it ain't gonna work out for you!

1661
01:20:52.240 --> 01:20:53.080
No!

1662
01:20:53.080 --> 01:20:55.840
How are we gonna stop this stuff?

1663
01:20:56.840 --> 01:21:00.840
Joanne, look at you, you're trying to say something bad.

1664
01:21:00.840 --> 01:21:04.840
It's just because, I mean, he's like,

1665
01:21:04.840 --> 01:21:08.360
you know, I live in the mecca of software engineers

1666
01:21:08.360 --> 01:21:10.920
in Silicon Valley, and I find them endearing.

1667
01:21:10.920 --> 01:21:13.160
They're like stable, they're a little boring,

1668
01:21:13.160 --> 01:21:16.760
quirky, autistic, but they're like committed.

1669
01:21:16.760 --> 01:21:19.840
My dad was kind of like that, so I'm like,

1670
01:21:19.840 --> 01:21:23.680
he has his qualities, but this whole like going to mass

1671
01:21:23.680 --> 01:21:27.120
and Catholicism, I'm not sure if I can do that

1672
01:21:27.120 --> 01:21:30.680
because I'm so free, I'm like getting on my seat

1673
01:21:30.680 --> 01:21:34.680
and dancing and painting, waving my flag sometimes,

1674
01:21:34.680 --> 01:21:36.440
that that's the way I like to worship.

1675
01:21:36.440 --> 01:21:39.400
I don't go to a church that's like full out like that,

1676
01:21:39.400 --> 01:21:41.640
but I'm just like, I don't know if I can do this.

1677
01:21:41.640 --> 01:21:44.760
And I find out that a lot of Catholics

1678
01:21:44.760 --> 01:21:47.760
don't have a practice of reading the word,

1679
01:21:47.760 --> 01:21:51.440
and that's sort of like very different than me,

1680
01:21:51.440 --> 01:21:52.840
you know what I mean?

1681
01:21:52.840 --> 01:21:55.200
But you're like, no, don't even consider it, Joanna.

1682
01:21:55.200 --> 01:21:58.000
You can ask him, me buddy like, no,

1683
01:21:58.000 --> 01:22:00.440
you can ask him, he may have been wanting,

1684
01:22:00.440 --> 01:22:04.440
I mean, you can ask him,

1685
01:22:04.440 --> 01:22:07.560
he may have been wanting to break out of Catholicism.

1686
01:22:07.560 --> 01:22:10.240
He may not require for you to transition over

1687
01:22:10.240 --> 01:22:13.120
to Catholicism, but if you're gonna do that,

1688
01:22:13.120 --> 01:22:18.120
I want you to be mindful of what you're choosing

1689
01:22:18.400 --> 01:22:20.640
and live with your choice.

1690
01:22:20.640 --> 01:22:22.760
I mean, if we're gonna process it this way,

1691
01:22:23.600 --> 01:22:26.640
if you wanna date him, go on a date with him or whatever.

1692
01:22:26.640 --> 01:22:28.560
But if you're talking about being marriage-minded

1693
01:22:28.560 --> 01:22:31.360
with this young man, you're gonna have to get

1694
01:22:31.360 --> 01:22:33.880
some things straight and come into his world,

1695
01:22:33.880 --> 01:22:36.000
trying to change him and tell him who he needs to be

1696
01:22:36.000 --> 01:22:37.760
based on who you are.

1697
01:22:37.760 --> 01:22:38.720
Right.

1698
01:22:38.720 --> 01:22:40.960
That's been my past and I don't wanna do that.

1699
01:22:40.960 --> 01:22:41.840
You know what I mean?

1700
01:22:41.840 --> 01:22:42.680
Yeah.

1701
01:22:42.680 --> 01:22:45.360
He's very fixed on his Catholic church.

1702
01:22:45.360 --> 01:22:47.960
And I said, well, I kind of go to worship

1703
01:22:47.960 --> 01:22:51.120
where it's like a rock band, you know?

1704
01:22:51.120 --> 01:22:52.920
And he was like, well, that's not my cup of tea.

1705
01:22:52.920 --> 01:22:55.800
But you know, I find a lot of guys will say this

1706
01:22:55.800 --> 01:22:58.960
in the beginning, I'll do whatever for the right lady.

1707
01:22:58.960 --> 01:23:01.880
I'll travel whatever distance, I'll do whatever.

1708
01:23:01.880 --> 01:23:03.680
I'll have another kid, you know,

1709
01:23:03.680 --> 01:23:06.120
cause they're like close to 50s, right?

1710
01:23:06.120 --> 01:23:06.960
Right.

1711
01:23:06.960 --> 01:23:08.920
I'll have another kid that's with a bride lady.

1712
01:23:08.920 --> 01:23:10.400
They always say that.

1713
01:23:10.400 --> 01:23:12.440
And then I'm like, well, are you really?

1714
01:23:13.680 --> 01:23:15.000
You know?

1715
01:23:15.000 --> 01:23:16.520
Yeah.

1716
01:23:16.520 --> 01:23:17.360
Uh-uh.

1717
01:23:17.360 --> 01:23:19.440
Nah, me brother said, leave it alone.

1718
01:23:19.440 --> 01:23:20.280
Okay.

1719
01:23:20.960 --> 01:23:21.800
Okay.

1720
01:23:21.800 --> 01:23:23.520
Joanne, do you know you're gonna try to change him?

1721
01:23:23.520 --> 01:23:26.360
I already know what you're gonna try to do.

1722
01:23:26.360 --> 01:23:28.240
Well, I introduced him to this program,

1723
01:23:28.240 --> 01:23:30.600
but I think that's okay.

1724
01:23:30.600 --> 01:23:31.760
It is okay.

1725
01:23:31.760 --> 01:23:35.120
There might be, we have Catholics in the program, I'm sure.

1726
01:23:35.120 --> 01:23:36.880
There's nothing wrong with being a Catholic.

1727
01:23:36.880 --> 01:23:39.600
The problem is you're charismatic

1728
01:23:39.600 --> 01:23:43.800
and he's told you what he's committed to.

1729
01:23:43.800 --> 01:23:45.200
Yeah, I know.

1730
01:23:45.200 --> 01:23:49.760
Joanne, I am also charismatic.

1731
01:23:49.800 --> 01:23:50.960
Don't do it.

1732
01:23:53.800 --> 01:23:55.960
You don't mess, honey.

1733
01:23:55.960 --> 01:23:57.520
You don't mess.

1734
01:23:57.520 --> 01:23:58.360
Okay.

1735
01:23:58.360 --> 01:23:59.200
Okay.

1736
01:23:59.200 --> 01:24:00.040
Okay.

1737
01:24:00.040 --> 01:24:00.880
Thank you, Ms. Buddy.

1738
01:24:00.880 --> 01:24:02.120
We need wisdom around here,

1739
01:24:02.120 --> 01:24:04.480
especially for Joanne cause she got it.

1740
01:24:04.480 --> 01:24:06.360
I'll be telling you that right now.

1741
01:24:06.360 --> 01:24:08.120
She was like, we went on a date.

1742
01:24:08.120 --> 01:24:09.440
It was so fun.

1743
01:24:11.600 --> 01:24:12.680
But now I don't know what to do

1744
01:24:12.680 --> 01:24:14.040
because I really need to break up with him

1745
01:24:14.040 --> 01:24:15.800
because he says he's not gonna switch.

1746
01:24:15.800 --> 01:24:18.000
I don't wanna hurt him.

1747
01:24:18.000 --> 01:24:18.840
I don't know.

1748
01:24:18.840 --> 01:24:20.040
I should've done it.

1749
01:24:20.040 --> 01:24:22.480
I should've listened to you.

1750
01:24:22.480 --> 01:24:23.320
Okay, okay.

1751
01:24:23.320 --> 01:24:24.520
You guys know what's up.

1752
01:24:24.520 --> 01:24:27.080
Okay, can I ask you one more question?

1753
01:24:27.080 --> 01:24:27.920
Yeah.

1754
01:24:27.920 --> 01:24:29.000
Okay.

1755
01:24:29.000 --> 01:24:29.840
So,

1756
01:24:32.840 --> 01:24:35.200
I kind of think I know what you're gonna say,

1757
01:24:35.200 --> 01:24:38.640
but like, okay, so on the online things,

1758
01:24:38.640 --> 01:24:40.640
there guys will be like

1759
01:24:43.760 --> 01:24:46.520
quick to just give me their number, you know?

1760
01:24:46.520 --> 01:24:48.400
Like after like two exchanges,

1761
01:24:49.000 --> 01:24:51.320
they're just like, oh, call me, text me, you know?

1762
01:24:51.320 --> 01:24:53.880
I wanna, I don't know, or ask me out already.

1763
01:24:53.880 --> 01:24:56.320
I'm like, yo, like we don't even know each other.

1764
01:24:56.320 --> 01:24:59.000
So I'm like, oh, I would like to ask you,

1765
01:24:59.000 --> 01:25:00.040
I'd like to, you know,

1766
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.720
to know you a little bit before we exchange numbers. But then I feel like the questions

1767
01:25:06.720 --> 01:25:14.400
I asked may be a little too intense. And I asked, you're like, yeah, that's probably right.

1768
01:25:15.120 --> 01:25:20.720
Like I asked things like, well, do you want kids? That's one of the things because that is sort of

1769
01:25:20.720 --> 01:25:27.520
like a factual thing. Like a lot of guys realize, okay, I don't want kids. So why are we talking

1770
01:25:27.520 --> 01:25:31.680
more? So it's in a way, it's a time saver. The other thing I will ask is about the,

1771
01:25:31.680 --> 01:25:36.800
do you believe in the gifts of the Holy Spirit are alive? You know, because, okay.

1772
01:25:39.440 --> 01:25:46.720
Yes. All right. Do you want to ask about kids? Fine. You can say something like, you know,

1773
01:25:46.720 --> 01:25:51.760
I really look forward to having a family and having children. What are your, your take on

1774
01:25:51.760 --> 01:25:58.480
children? This about the gifts of the Holy Spirit. I really encourage you to steer away

1775
01:25:58.480 --> 01:26:05.120
from that question. The reason why is I will prefer that your non-negotiable be someone

1776
01:26:05.120 --> 01:26:10.880
that's committed to righteousness. The gifts of the spirit are things that people grow in.

1777
01:26:11.840 --> 01:26:16.240
Even if they don't have it, a man that's committed to righteousness is a man that hears from the

1778
01:26:16.240 --> 01:26:22.880
Holy Spirit. And you can get a man who does, who has gifts of the spirit and working his life

1779
01:26:22.880 --> 01:26:29.200
in his heart is far from the Lord. There are men of God who lay hands on the sick and see them

1780
01:26:29.200 --> 01:26:33.440
recovered. They cast out demons, but the Bible says that in the last days, he's going to say,

1781
01:26:33.440 --> 01:26:38.560
depart from me, you worker of iniquity. I never knew you. They have double families.

1782
01:26:38.560 --> 01:26:45.440
They have multiple wives. They have homosexual partners. And I'm really encouraging you to

1783
01:26:46.240 --> 01:26:53.120
find your foundation in men that are rooted in righteousness. We grow in the spirit.

1784
01:26:54.240 --> 01:27:00.160
The spirit is a, is a very interesting thing because you can be hearing one thing and you

1785
01:27:00.160 --> 01:27:04.640
can be off. You can be hearing some from another direction. If you're not rooted in community,

1786
01:27:04.640 --> 01:27:08.400
you come back with all this confusion. I thought I heard the Lord say what I thought I heard the

1787
01:27:08.400 --> 01:27:11.440
Lord say. Now I thought I heard the Lord say, and I thought I heard the Lord say

1788
01:27:11.920 --> 01:27:19.680
righteousness, wisdom, community, and prophecy all work together. And so.

1789
01:27:21.520 --> 01:27:25.520
Well, the reason why I asked that is because, not because I want somebody to be,

1790
01:27:26.160 --> 01:27:30.800
you know, they don't have to be operating the gifts of the spirit. I just know I can't be

1791
01:27:30.800 --> 01:27:37.360
with someone who is a sensationalist. That's the issue for me. Like I've met guys, they're like,

1792
01:27:37.360 --> 01:27:42.480
no, no. And I'm like, well, I got radically healed. So you're saying I'm a liar. Like I

1793
01:27:42.480 --> 01:27:47.200
can't be with somebody who's like, no, there was no prophecy. No, you can't speak in tongues. Cause

1794
01:27:47.200 --> 01:27:54.000
I'm like, well, that's what I do almost every day. So is that a two, a one or two alpha,

1795
01:27:54.000 --> 01:28:01.600
this is very common in the area that you're in. What was that? Say that. Did you have a question?

1796
01:28:01.600 --> 01:28:05.840
Is this a one or two out thing? Or is this very common in the area that you live in?

1797
01:28:06.800 --> 01:28:15.520
Um, no, I've met several, I would say 30% of the men that I've, um, encountered at least 30% of

1798
01:28:15.520 --> 01:28:20.560
the men that I'm encountering on online dating are like, no, I do not believe in the gifts of

1799
01:28:20.560 --> 01:28:24.320
the spirit. And they start like debating. And I'm like, I'm not here to debate, dude.

1800
01:28:24.320 --> 01:28:30.960
Okay. So, okay. So I didn't know that like, for me, um, I don't generally,

1801
01:28:31.920 --> 01:28:34.880
I don't ask people stuff like that, but, um,

1802
01:28:38.480 --> 01:28:41.760
I personally believe that you can hold off on that question.

1803
01:28:44.160 --> 01:28:50.800
Okay. I just, it just seems intrusive to me when you're first talking to a person,

1804
01:28:50.800 --> 01:28:57.200
do you believe in the gifts of the spirit? Huh? But if you feel passionate about it,

1805
01:28:57.440 --> 01:29:01.760
you continue. I don't live in your culture. Like I don't know these people where you are.

1806
01:29:01.760 --> 01:29:07.120
It's different here in Texas. I mean, I, I'm not saying everybody takes believing the gifts of

1807
01:29:07.120 --> 01:29:12.640
the spirit. And there are people who are sensationalists. I just, I feel that it's

1808
01:29:12.640 --> 01:29:19.040
better at another time. Okay. Okay. But

1809
01:29:20.000 --> 01:29:25.440
I, I'm hearing you. I'm still processing while I'm talking and I'm reading your body language too.

1810
01:29:25.440 --> 01:29:29.120
And so I could tell that it means a lot to you. I'm trying to strike a balance

1811
01:29:29.120 --> 01:29:32.960
because you know, the environment you live in. And so I was first speaking

1812
01:29:32.960 --> 01:29:36.880
from the environment that I live in. And so

1813
01:29:37.240 --> 01:29:44.720
Uh, I'll, I'll take this back to the team and I'll, I'll give you a response. Um,

1814
01:29:50.400 --> 01:29:52.960
I don't think it should be a political.

1815
01:29:55.360 --> 01:30:02.480
Um, I'm just, I'm just just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just,

1816
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.840
Let me check with the team and share something with you a little more solid and have a little

1817
01:30:06.840 --> 01:30:10.600
more reasoning that you can choose to agree with or not.

1818
01:30:10.600 --> 01:30:15.080
I don't prefer you agree just because I say, hey, you shouldn't.

1819
01:30:15.080 --> 01:30:17.120
And I don't think you will.

1820
01:30:17.120 --> 01:30:23.200
I think that you need, you know, things to weigh out as to why.

1821
01:30:23.200 --> 01:30:30.040
Well, I think that the core reason why I see, I really don't have a whole lot of time on

1822
01:30:30.040 --> 01:30:35.360
my schedule to just talk to all these different guys and go on these different days.

1823
01:30:35.360 --> 01:30:39.000
Well, you know, you say that, Joanne, but you've been doing it for a long time.

1824
01:30:39.000 --> 01:30:45.160
So I believe you do have time and you spend, you've been doing this, like you have time

1825
01:30:45.160 --> 01:30:46.440
to do it.

1826
01:30:46.440 --> 01:30:51.520
So I know you feel like if I asked you this question about, do you believe in the gifts

1827
01:30:51.520 --> 01:30:55.240
of the spirit, it's going to save me time, but they hadn't got, they still don't get

1828
01:30:55.240 --> 01:30:56.240
you anywhere.

1829
01:30:56.240 --> 01:31:01.040
You still don't know, you still haven't observed their character.

1830
01:31:01.040 --> 01:31:05.120
You so, and I'm going to help you explain something.

1831
01:31:05.120 --> 01:31:10.280
If a man is a cessationist, but he honors you, he leads his home well, he does all the

1832
01:31:10.280 --> 01:31:11.760
other things.

1833
01:31:11.760 --> 01:31:19.560
I think it's going to be really, and he lets you be free in who you are.

1834
01:31:19.600 --> 01:31:24.640
Who knows what your life will do in his life to help bring him over.

1835
01:31:24.640 --> 01:31:29.600
What I'm saying is you don't know how God has designed the setup and what you're helping

1836
01:31:29.600 --> 01:31:32.240
hands will do to cultivating your husband.

1837
01:31:32.240 --> 01:31:37.200
I'm not saying you should choose a sensationalist, but what I'm saying to you, you're putting

1838
01:31:37.200 --> 01:31:44.040
a lot of weight on the back of something that doesn't carry as much as you think it does.

1839
01:31:44.040 --> 01:31:47.080
Because just because he doesn't believe in the gifts of the spirit doesn't mean he's

1840
01:31:47.080 --> 01:31:49.440
going to hinder you.

1841
01:31:50.320 --> 01:31:51.320
That's my fear.

1842
01:31:51.320 --> 01:31:53.560
And I'm kind of wondering, I'm confused.

1843
01:31:53.560 --> 01:31:58.320
How is that different than being with a Catholic who is open to the gifts of the, who believes

1844
01:31:58.320 --> 01:31:59.320
in the gifts of spirit?

1845
01:31:59.320 --> 01:32:02.560
I'm like, isn't that kind of similar to someone who's a cessationist?

1846
01:32:02.560 --> 01:32:03.560
No.

1847
01:32:03.560 --> 01:32:07.040
Cessationists, they don't believe in the gifts of the spirit, but they can believe in everything.

1848
01:32:07.040 --> 01:32:10.200
A Catholicism is almost another type of doctrine.

1849
01:32:10.200 --> 01:32:16.360
First of all, in Catholicism, if a person is a cessationist, they still believe Jesus.

1850
01:32:16.880 --> 01:32:21.040
They still believe Jesus is the savior of the world, period.

1851
01:32:21.040 --> 01:32:23.000
Catholics still pray to Mary.

1852
01:32:23.000 --> 01:32:25.640
Catholics still pray to the saints of old.

1853
01:32:25.640 --> 01:32:27.400
Catholics still have a priest in place.

1854
01:32:27.400 --> 01:32:29.760
Jesus is the high priest.

1855
01:32:29.760 --> 01:32:31.800
Catholic has taken both worlds and pulled them together.

1856
01:32:31.800 --> 01:32:34.800
Those are different belief systems.

1857
01:32:34.800 --> 01:32:39.120
And so that's not a comparison.

1858
01:32:39.120 --> 01:32:42.440
When you take a cessationist, they're just saying, I don't believe in the gifts of the

1859
01:32:42.440 --> 01:32:46.720
spirit that they died at with the apostles.

1860
01:32:46.720 --> 01:32:50.520
I'm not saying one is better than the other, but when you try to compare them, those are

1861
01:32:50.520 --> 01:32:52.600
two different things.

1862
01:32:52.600 --> 01:32:56.800
And a person can be a cessationist and make a wonderful husband.

1863
01:32:56.800 --> 01:33:03.240
So you wouldn't also, like disqualified guy who says he's Christian, but doesn't really

1864
01:33:03.240 --> 01:33:06.400
go to church and all that.

1865
01:33:06.400 --> 01:33:08.600
You wouldn't just knock them out right away.

1866
01:33:08.600 --> 01:33:11.720
You would just be like, okay, let me get to know you.

1867
01:33:12.000 --> 01:33:19.360
But they say, I'm a Christian, I go to church, I don't really practice abstinence and whatever.

1868
01:33:19.360 --> 01:33:20.360
I don't know.

1869
01:33:20.360 --> 01:33:22.360
So this is a thing here of extreme.

1870
01:33:22.360 --> 01:33:24.080
So we're not comparing.

1871
01:33:24.080 --> 01:33:25.080
Let's make that clear.

1872
01:33:25.080 --> 01:33:26.080
Okay.

1873
01:33:26.080 --> 01:33:32.280
So then your next question is, would I choose a person who's not committed to ministry?

1874
01:33:32.280 --> 01:33:36.520
I would not do that because my spiritual DNA does not allow for that.

1875
01:33:36.520 --> 01:33:41.440
Now somebody else who doesn't mind that may do it, doesn't make them less righteous.

1876
01:33:41.440 --> 01:33:42.440
That's just how they roll.

1877
01:33:42.440 --> 01:33:44.400
And that's where they are in Christ.

1878
01:33:44.400 --> 01:33:45.400
That's not where I am.

1879
01:33:45.400 --> 01:33:46.760
I have a mandate on my life.

1880
01:33:46.760 --> 01:33:48.160
I operate in ministry.

1881
01:33:48.160 --> 01:33:49.160
That's not going to work.

1882
01:33:49.160 --> 01:33:51.120
That doesn't work for me.

1883
01:33:51.120 --> 01:33:52.600
And so you have to decide.

1884
01:33:52.600 --> 01:33:56.920
So if somebody, but I'm telling you the weight you're putting on sensationalism.

1885
01:33:56.920 --> 01:34:02.120
So because we're not comparing, the weight you're putting on a sensationalist, I don't

1886
01:34:02.120 --> 01:34:07.760
think it is just to put that type of weight on something to ask somebody that when you're

1887
01:34:07.760 --> 01:34:10.920
first meeting them.

1888
01:34:10.920 --> 01:34:15.720
That's a pretty intrusive question.

1889
01:34:15.720 --> 01:34:20.680
That's the difference between my faith is important to me and I value the person that

1890
01:34:20.680 --> 01:34:21.680
I have in my life.

1891
01:34:21.680 --> 01:34:24.040
They need to value that as well.

1892
01:34:24.040 --> 01:34:28.240
And so I don't want us to get into comparing and say because of one, because of the other,

1893
01:34:28.240 --> 01:34:30.440
because that doesn't make well for decision.

1894
01:34:30.440 --> 01:34:31.820
That's not wise.

1895
01:34:31.820 --> 01:34:37.000
So I'll give you some greater feedback on that when I talk to the other coaches.

1896
01:34:37.000 --> 01:34:40.760
And it's still your choice to ask that if you want.

1897
01:34:40.760 --> 01:34:46.080
No, I really appreciate this feedback because I do think that I'm probably asking too much

1898
01:34:46.080 --> 01:34:51.200
too soon as a way to like, whatever, for my reasons.

1899
01:34:51.200 --> 01:34:58.240
So but yeah, but then I start thinking, wow, I've really not even given guys a chance to,

1900
01:34:58.240 --> 01:35:00.040
I don't know if they even go, they'd say they don't know.

1901
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.280
even go to a church. They don't, they've kind of just doing their own thing and they don't

1902
01:35:05.280 --> 01:35:11.560
really have community. So then I'm like, okay, so should I, should I give them more opportunity

1903
01:35:11.560 --> 01:35:14.680
to get to know? I don't know. This community thing, most men

1904
01:35:14.680 --> 01:35:19.720
don't have community. That is very common with men. But it doesn't mean that they won't

1905
01:35:19.720 --> 01:35:23.440
come into community. And so then you have to measure a man's willingness to come into

1906
01:35:23.440 --> 01:35:29.160
community. But most men don't do community. That's just nature of me and they will get

1907
01:35:29.160 --> 01:35:35.800
out to themselves. But post any more questions that you have. It is 836 and I say that three

1908
01:35:35.800 --> 01:35:40.600
more people. All right. Thank you. You're welcome. Alexandria, are you on your way to

1909
01:35:40.600 --> 01:35:46.320
Austin? Well, almost, but I got an in-person interview.

1910
01:35:46.320 --> 01:35:52.760
So that's exciting. When you get here, I'm going to take you to dinner for your, for

1911
01:35:52.760 --> 01:36:00.880
your new job. I would love that, Ebony. So much. Yeah. Yeah.

1912
01:36:00.880 --> 01:36:04.080
That's actually what I wanted to talk about. Well, one celebrate with you guys. Thank you

1913
01:36:04.080 --> 01:36:09.760
so much. I see Rosanna's hearts. Thank y'all. It's a huge deal. Cause I felt stuck in Tyler

1914
01:36:09.760 --> 01:36:14.840
through spiritual warfare and all sorts of stuff. I've been here for seven years. So

1915
01:36:14.840 --> 01:36:19.440
trying to get out is like, it's a really big step. I'm emotional, but

1916
01:36:19.440 --> 01:36:25.480
Oh, hold on, Alexandria. One second. Ladies, it's 837. Please feel free to dismiss yourself,

1917
01:36:25.480 --> 01:36:29.080
but they waited for a while. So I want to grab their questions, but you are free to

1918
01:36:29.080 --> 01:36:36.440
go. Yeah. So yeah, it's a big, it's just been,

1919
01:36:36.440 --> 01:36:40.760
it was hard to, I told my supervisor, it's just been hard to do. But anyway, my supervisor,

1920
01:36:40.760 --> 01:36:45.560
I told her, cause we have a unique relationship. I was like, you know, I'm thinking of applying.

1921
01:36:45.560 --> 01:36:51.520
And so, um, she was like, she was like, okay, like, have you applied yet? And I was like,

1922
01:36:51.520 --> 01:36:57.560
Oh, like I have to apply. Like it's just been like this weird process. So I applied and

1923
01:36:57.560 --> 01:37:05.280
then I got, um, I got an interview with her and I think my expectations were just this.

1924
01:37:05.280 --> 01:37:09.480
And so why I'm bringing this up is this actually what I wanted to talk about. Like, so I can

1925
01:37:09.480 --> 01:37:14.160
do this with dating as well. If I get really excited about something and I think it's the

1926
01:37:14.160 --> 01:37:20.200
right thing to do, I've prayed about it. It feels right. Um, so like after the interview,

1927
01:37:20.200 --> 01:37:26.720
it was like this pending, like, we'll talk to you maybe in a week or a month. And I was

1928
01:37:26.720 --> 01:37:34.240
like not okay for like four, for however many days, this was Thursday of last week. Um,

1929
01:37:34.240 --> 01:37:37.960
and I guess just kind of wanted some insight on that. Like I would try to bring myself

1930
01:37:37.960 --> 01:37:43.720
back in prayer. I tried to just like let what was coming up, come up with God and be like,

1931
01:37:43.720 --> 01:37:49.320
you know, just trust issues thinking is he really, does God really care about these desires

1932
01:37:49.320 --> 01:37:55.560
of mine? You know, this is in human hands and it's really out of my control. Um, it

1933
01:37:55.560 --> 01:38:00.560
just was very hard to wait. I was, I think I've been nauseous for like four days and

1934
01:38:00.560 --> 01:38:09.440
like just really anxious. Um, so I guess my concern is I can do the same thing with a

1935
01:38:09.440 --> 01:38:15.040
guy of like, I get really excited about a guy and I think it's right and I want it and

1936
01:38:15.040 --> 01:38:22.160
I have that anxious attachment situation. And like, I just was basically like, I mean,

1937
01:38:22.160 --> 01:38:30.160
I did pretty good, but you know, I feel like a crazy person and um, it just makes me concerned

1938
01:38:30.160 --> 01:38:35.160
for if I meet this person that I'm really excited about and I see it's right and I want

1939
01:38:35.160 --> 01:38:42.360
it. How in the world am I going to like chill out? Like I'm just really nervous for that.

1940
01:38:42.360 --> 01:38:47.480
So, so what you do is you just keep yourself in community and you hold yourself accountable

1941
01:38:47.480 --> 01:38:52.000
to your community and you run everything by your community. You take yourself out of the

1942
01:38:52.000 --> 01:38:56.360
authority seat and you give authority to someone in your community and you submit yourself

1943
01:38:56.360 --> 01:39:03.960
to what they say and you do it religiously because you know how you handle it. Submit

1944
01:39:03.960 --> 01:39:09.760
yourself to them and do what they say. Okay. They're going to, they're going to help you

1945
01:39:09.760 --> 01:39:17.200
navigate. Okay. Yeah. Cause I lost my, my brains, but then she got back to me finally,

1946
01:39:17.200 --> 01:39:22.240
um, today after I had sent up a followup email and she said, yeah, you know, we'd like to

1947
01:39:22.240 --> 01:39:29.480
offer you an in-person interview. So I feel much better now. I'm not as scared, you know,

1948
01:39:29.480 --> 01:39:33.840
it's still nerve wracking, but I feel much more at peace. There was something about this

1949
01:39:33.920 --> 01:39:38.480
like I expected something different from the interview. I thought it was going to be much

1950
01:39:38.480 --> 01:39:44.680
more straightforward. So anyway, I don't know what, what triggered it. I guess. I don't

1951
01:39:44.680 --> 01:39:50.960
know if you can, if maybe it was more of a normal reaction cause it was such an unknown

1952
01:39:50.960 --> 01:39:57.040
and it wasn't supposed to be like, it's my same organization I work for now. I was expecting

1953
01:39:57.040 --> 01:39:59.760
like a transfer and it ended up being.

1954
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:05.000
an hour and a half, 22 questions, director, two supervisors.

1955
01:40:06.060 --> 01:40:07.320
Wow.

1956
01:40:07.320 --> 01:40:08.740
Yeah, it was a lot.

1957
01:40:08.740 --> 01:40:12.540
And I just wasn't expecting it.

1958
01:40:12.540 --> 01:40:13.580
Oh, thanks Mika.

1959
01:40:13.580 --> 01:40:14.660
I just saw the congrats.

1960
01:40:14.660 --> 01:40:17.240
I haven't been able to read all the messages.

1961
01:40:17.240 --> 01:40:18.780
Well, and also Alexandra,

1962
01:40:18.780 --> 01:40:23.220
I want you to be mindful of that

1963
01:40:23.220 --> 01:40:25.420
when we want to control outcomes,

1964
01:40:25.420 --> 01:40:27.220
we can get very nervous and anxious

1965
01:40:27.220 --> 01:40:28.900
and it doesn't make anything wrong with you.

1966
01:40:28.900 --> 01:40:31.740
It's just that you're growing in those areas with the Lord.

1967
01:40:31.740 --> 01:40:33.020
Some things come easier.

1968
01:40:33.020 --> 01:40:35.420
Other things you want to grab the wheel and control.

1969
01:40:35.420 --> 01:40:37.620
You've been wanting to get out of Tyler for a while.

1970
01:40:37.620 --> 01:40:40.880
And so I just want you to know that God is with you

1971
01:40:40.880 --> 01:40:42.980
and we don't know what's going to happen.

1972
01:40:42.980 --> 01:40:44.860
That is nerve wracking.

1973
01:40:44.860 --> 01:40:47.460
And it is.

1974
01:40:47.460 --> 01:40:52.460
And so you can continue to turn it over to the Lord.

1975
01:40:52.540 --> 01:40:56.540
You can continue to find your safe space in him.

1976
01:40:57.340 --> 01:41:00.260
For me, I find a scripture that resonates with me

1977
01:41:00.260 --> 01:41:02.220
and I hold really fast to it.

1978
01:41:02.220 --> 01:41:05.060
You know, the Bible says that the name of the Lord

1979
01:41:05.060 --> 01:41:07.340
is a strong tower and the righteous run in

1980
01:41:07.340 --> 01:41:08.300
and they are safe.

1981
01:41:09.420 --> 01:41:11.500
Those types of scriptures are real for me

1982
01:41:11.500 --> 01:41:14.300
because when I get in that loop in my brain,

1983
01:41:14.300 --> 01:41:17.300
it keeps going round and round and round.

1984
01:41:17.300 --> 01:41:21.060
And it has to do with management of our nervous system.

1985
01:41:21.060 --> 01:41:23.020
Everything is firing out

1986
01:41:23.020 --> 01:41:26.620
and we have to learn how to manage those emotions

1987
01:41:26.620 --> 01:41:28.740
or manage your nervous system or help it.

1988
01:41:28.740 --> 01:41:31.020
Like I know when my nervous system is on high alert,

1989
01:41:31.020 --> 01:41:33.020
I can be talking to somebody

1990
01:41:33.020 --> 01:41:34.940
and I'll try to grab food to start eating.

1991
01:41:34.940 --> 01:41:36.900
And the moment I'm looking for food,

1992
01:41:36.900 --> 01:41:39.340
I know something is off on the inside of me

1993
01:41:39.340 --> 01:41:43.020
because I'm trying to use food to calm my system down.

1994
01:41:43.020 --> 01:41:45.300
And I'm like, oh no, we're not doing that.

1995
01:41:45.300 --> 01:41:46.580
I have to redirect it.

1996
01:41:46.580 --> 01:41:50.420
And so the awareness that your system is running rampant

1997
01:41:50.420 --> 01:41:52.460
and Roberta's on here, she's a counselor.

1998
01:41:53.340 --> 01:41:54.180
Is she nodding?

1999
01:41:54.180 --> 01:41:56.180
I'm like, yes, I'm saying the right thing.

2000
01:41:57.540 --> 01:41:58.380
Yeah.

2001
01:42:02.020 --> 01:42:04.540
So it's just your nervous system

2002
01:42:04.540 --> 01:42:06.580
and don't beat yourself up about it.

2003
01:42:06.580 --> 01:42:08.860
Just keep staying in fellowship with the Lord.

2004
01:42:08.860 --> 01:42:10.340
Play some worship music.

2005
01:42:10.340 --> 01:42:13.100
These things about you are not gonna change overnight

2006
01:42:13.100 --> 01:42:15.140
but you can walk with him through it.

2007
01:42:15.140 --> 01:42:18.060
And the truth is when you hear you may not get it,

2008
01:42:18.060 --> 01:42:19.900
so that's true, I may not get the job.

2009
01:42:19.900 --> 01:42:21.980
That's a real fact.

2010
01:42:22.500 --> 01:42:23.540
I got to that point.

2011
01:42:23.540 --> 01:42:25.460
Yeah, I'm gonna be really sad.

2012
01:42:25.460 --> 01:42:27.060
I will be really sad.

2013
01:42:27.940 --> 01:42:29.300
I got to that point.

2014
01:42:29.300 --> 01:42:31.100
I was like, had to pray it all out.

2015
01:42:31.100 --> 01:42:33.940
And even, you know, back to my natural state,

2016
01:42:33.940 --> 01:42:36.900
just when I'm at rest, I go to worst case scenario.

2017
01:42:36.900 --> 01:42:40.100
Like that's my at rest,

2018
01:42:40.100 --> 01:42:41.900
like let's figure out what could go wrong.

2019
01:42:41.900 --> 01:42:43.860
And so it's so much work.

2020
01:42:43.860 --> 01:42:45.940
And I just, I'm, you know,

2021
01:42:45.940 --> 01:42:47.980
I really feel like the Lord was working in it

2022
01:42:47.980 --> 01:42:50.020
and I'm looking forward to more growth

2023
01:42:50.020 --> 01:42:52.580
because it's really tough to be.

2024
01:42:52.580 --> 01:42:55.980
At least I'm aware, but it was very miserable.

2025
01:42:55.980 --> 01:42:56.820
I know.

2026
01:42:56.820 --> 01:42:57.660
Who was so miserable?

2027
01:42:57.660 --> 01:43:00.060
I've been like this, miserable.

2028
01:43:00.060 --> 01:43:01.420
Yeah, thank you.

2029
01:43:01.420 --> 01:43:02.340
You're welcome.

2030
01:43:02.340 --> 01:43:04.700
And listen, all the other Austinites,

2031
01:43:04.700 --> 01:43:07.900
I did not know you were in Temple, Tiffany.

2032
01:43:07.900 --> 01:43:09.860
Eloise, I did not know you were in DFW,

2033
01:43:09.860 --> 01:43:13.020
but listen, we're gonna all get together

2034
01:43:13.020 --> 01:43:15.700
and celebrate this job.

2035
01:43:15.700 --> 01:43:18.260
You need, make sure you post it.

2036
01:43:18.260 --> 01:43:19.980
Yeah, don't wait two months later

2037
01:43:19.980 --> 01:43:20.820
and say I just got started.

2038
01:43:20.820 --> 01:43:22.580
Y'all are gonna make me cry.

2039
01:43:22.580 --> 01:43:24.340
Yeah, and I'm so excited.

2040
01:43:24.340 --> 01:43:25.740
Tiffany, I didn't know you were up the street.

2041
01:43:25.740 --> 01:43:26.900
What have you been waiting on?

2042
01:43:26.900 --> 01:43:30.060
Come on, y'all, we're gonna get together.

2043
01:43:30.060 --> 01:43:32.340
Oh, I have to read everyone's message.

2044
01:43:32.340 --> 01:43:33.700
Well, hey, I would love to do that.

2045
01:43:33.700 --> 01:43:36.020
I will post when I get the offer letter

2046
01:43:36.020 --> 01:43:38.700
and accept so that it's for sure.

2047
01:43:38.700 --> 01:43:42.420
And then I had a question on another route, Ebony.

2048
01:43:42.420 --> 01:43:44.220
Technically, I'm probably supposed to be moving

2049
01:43:44.220 --> 01:43:45.260
on to the next phase.

2050
01:43:45.260 --> 01:43:47.900
My only hesitation with that is I'm not,

2051
01:43:48.540 --> 01:43:49.700
I'm not really dating too much right now.

2052
01:43:49.700 --> 01:43:54.180
And I also, I also, I guess, worry that like,

2053
01:43:54.180 --> 01:43:56.700
because of that, I'm, what if I start dating

2054
01:43:56.700 --> 01:43:59.660
and then those coaches just don't know me very well?

2055
01:43:59.660 --> 01:44:04.660
And that part, I'm just nervous about.

2056
01:44:04.860 --> 01:44:07.700
Oh, no, go ahead and go to phase three.

2057
01:44:07.700 --> 01:44:08.860
It doesn't matter if they know you or not.

2058
01:44:08.860 --> 01:44:10.300
You can always come back and join in

2059
01:44:10.300 --> 01:44:11.900
on our coaching session if you want to.

2060
01:44:11.900 --> 01:44:13.860
You can see a post in this section

2061
01:44:13.860 --> 01:44:14.980
and you can post there too.

2062
01:44:14.980 --> 01:44:16.900
So you can get there.

2063
01:44:16.900 --> 01:44:18.620
What they say that you can get,

2064
01:44:18.620 --> 01:44:20.940
what we sell here, you put it all together,

2065
01:44:20.940 --> 01:44:22.660
pick and pull and choose.

2066
01:44:22.660 --> 01:44:23.860
Okay.

2067
01:44:23.860 --> 01:44:24.700
Yeah.

2068
01:44:24.700 --> 01:44:25.620
Okay.

2069
01:44:25.620 --> 01:44:28.300
You'll like phase three, go for it.

2070
01:44:28.300 --> 01:44:29.380
Okay.

2071
01:44:29.380 --> 01:44:32.620
Chantel, you in Austin too, what?

2072
01:44:32.620 --> 01:44:34.260
I have to read everything.

2073
01:44:34.260 --> 01:44:35.260
I know.

2074
01:44:35.260 --> 01:44:36.460
Yes, please join us.

2075
01:44:36.460 --> 01:44:39.180
And when she posted, everybody that's in

2076
01:44:39.180 --> 01:44:42.300
the surrounding areas, you need to like drop a post.

2077
01:44:42.300 --> 01:44:44.420
Yeah, this is a huge deal, you guys.

2078
01:44:44.420 --> 01:44:47.340
I've been in a, feeling like I'm stuck.

2079
01:44:47.340 --> 01:44:51.140
So this program has helped me to get unstuck

2080
01:44:51.140 --> 01:44:53.220
and figure out that I desire.

2081
01:44:53.220 --> 01:44:55.220
I said I would never move to Austin

2082
01:44:55.220 --> 01:44:56.620
because the stupidest reason.

2083
01:44:56.620 --> 01:44:58.340
I was like, everyone's moving there.

2084
01:44:58.340 --> 01:45:00.140
I don't want to cause more problems.

2085
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:04.920
So, that's literally why I didn't move to Austin.

2086
01:45:04.920 --> 01:45:07.360
But I love Austin.

2087
01:45:07.360 --> 01:45:13.680
And so, I just didn't, you know, the confidence to follow my desires and that, like, the Lord,

2088
01:45:13.680 --> 01:45:18.000
once you've done the healing work, the Lord works through your desires.

2089
01:45:18.000 --> 01:45:19.000
It's been really cool.

2090
01:45:19.000 --> 01:45:20.000
So, very grateful.

2091
01:45:20.000 --> 01:45:23.000
I'd love to celebrate with you guys.

2092
01:45:23.000 --> 01:45:24.000
Okay.

2093
01:45:24.000 --> 01:45:25.640
And we can't, I can't wait to meet your dog.

2094
01:45:25.640 --> 01:45:26.640
Oh, yeah.

2095
01:45:26.640 --> 01:45:27.640
He's handsome.

2096
01:45:27.640 --> 01:45:29.840
He's not great with other dogs, though, but.

2097
01:45:29.840 --> 01:45:30.840
Oh, I don't have a dog.

2098
01:45:30.840 --> 01:45:31.840
Don't worry.

2099
01:45:31.840 --> 01:45:32.840
Okay.

2100
01:45:32.840 --> 01:45:33.840
He's great with humans.

2101
01:45:33.840 --> 01:45:34.840
Look at him, y'all.

2102
01:45:34.840 --> 01:45:35.840
He's.

2103
01:45:35.840 --> 01:45:36.840
Okay.

2104
01:45:36.840 --> 01:45:37.840
Rosanna.

2105
01:45:37.840 --> 01:45:38.840
Thanks, guys.

2106
01:45:38.840 --> 01:45:39.840
You're welcome.

2107
01:45:39.840 --> 01:45:40.840
Hi.

2108
01:45:40.840 --> 01:45:41.840
He wants to come to Dallas and celebrate.

2109
01:45:41.840 --> 01:45:49.840
We'll do one in Austin and we'll drive all up to Dallas and celebrate.

2110
01:45:49.840 --> 01:45:50.840
Okay.

2111
01:45:50.840 --> 01:45:53.840
Go ahead, Rosanna.

2112
01:45:53.840 --> 01:45:54.840
Hi.

2113
01:45:54.840 --> 01:45:59.600
So, I have a question.

2114
01:46:00.360 --> 01:46:01.360
I am.

2115
01:46:01.360 --> 01:46:02.400
Let me see.

2116
01:46:02.400 --> 01:46:05.600
I have been excited to date and it's been good.

2117
01:46:05.600 --> 01:46:08.080
And I was like trying to make a goal of like a date a week.

2118
01:46:08.080 --> 01:46:09.080
And that didn't happen.

2119
01:46:09.080 --> 01:46:10.080
So, I didn't have a date last week.

2120
01:46:10.080 --> 01:46:11.080
But I need this.

2121
01:46:11.080 --> 01:46:12.080
I had a date with myself.

2122
01:46:12.080 --> 01:46:13.080
I look dope.

2123
01:46:13.080 --> 01:46:14.080
And I went out.

2124
01:46:14.080 --> 01:46:16.600
I was like, none of my single mom friends who would hang out.

2125
01:46:16.600 --> 01:46:18.240
And I'm like, you got to be kidding me.

2126
01:46:18.240 --> 01:46:19.440
I actually don't have my kids.

2127
01:46:19.440 --> 01:46:22.320
Like timing changed for me with something.

2128
01:46:22.320 --> 01:46:23.320
And I was like, you know what?

2129
01:46:23.320 --> 01:46:24.320
I'm still going to go.

2130
01:46:24.320 --> 01:46:27.880
I had an espresso martini and I just took my time and enjoyed it.

2131
01:46:28.160 --> 01:46:31.160
And actually, one of my girlfriends, who's a single mom, but she had all her kids with

2132
01:46:31.160 --> 01:46:32.160
her, happened to stop by.

2133
01:46:32.160 --> 01:46:34.920
And this open bar area was very sweet, very pretty.

2134
01:46:34.920 --> 01:46:36.880
And we chatted for a little bit.

2135
01:46:36.880 --> 01:46:40.160
And I'm glad I did that for myself.

2136
01:46:40.160 --> 01:46:44.440
And I was able to just like, I was actually listening to some of the stuff that I was

2137
01:46:44.440 --> 01:46:45.440
going to try.

2138
01:46:45.440 --> 01:46:49.960
I need to listen to the 3Ms because I missed it on Tuesday, which I'm going to do.

2139
01:46:49.960 --> 01:46:52.640
Anyway, the point is like, so I was bummed I didn't get a date.

2140
01:46:52.640 --> 01:46:55.080
I was supposed to have a date on Friday.

2141
01:46:55.080 --> 01:46:57.920
Another guy from high school that's connected with me.

2142
01:46:57.920 --> 01:47:03.320
However, he has, he's returning from a funeral on Friday and he doesn't know what time he's

2143
01:47:03.320 --> 01:47:05.640
coming home, like early evening.

2144
01:47:05.640 --> 01:47:07.200
And I love the beginning.

2145
01:47:07.200 --> 01:47:11.840
So we had just connected via, because I sent a personal invite to everybody for our 25th

2146
01:47:11.840 --> 01:47:12.920
high school reunion.

2147
01:47:12.920 --> 01:47:17.480
I blasted, but I personalized it to every single person because that feels good.

2148
01:47:17.480 --> 01:47:21.800
I can't wait to see the single guys that are here because I'm going to look dope.

2149
01:47:21.800 --> 01:47:23.280
I can't wait.

2150
01:47:23.920 --> 01:47:28.320
With that, some people have talked back with me and this one of the guys was, was him.

2151
01:47:28.320 --> 01:47:31.360
And so we've dialogued back and forth all of a sudden.

2152
01:47:31.360 --> 01:47:35.720
Last week, he, out of nowhere, he brings up these compliments.

2153
01:47:35.720 --> 01:47:37.240
He's telling me, he's like, you're very beautiful.

2154
01:47:37.240 --> 01:47:42.320
Well, he starts saying all this stuff, I'm like, I had a, I mean, he kept on talking

2155
01:47:42.320 --> 01:47:43.320
to me.

2156
01:47:43.320 --> 01:47:45.280
So I was like, oh, maybe he's interested, but I was, whatever.

2157
01:47:45.280 --> 01:47:48.400
And then he gave me all these compliments and it was quiet for a little bit.

2158
01:47:48.400 --> 01:47:50.200
And I'm like, when is this guy going to ask me out?

2159
01:47:50.200 --> 01:47:51.380
Like if you're going to say that.

2160
01:47:51.380 --> 01:47:56.700
So I waited, I asked a guy friend, I was like, listen, what is the dynamic, like whatever.

2161
01:47:56.700 --> 01:48:00.860
And I was like, he's like, it could be because you've only texted and we have left some voice

2162
01:48:00.860 --> 01:48:01.860
messages on Facebook.

2163
01:48:01.860 --> 01:48:03.420
He's like, because you haven't done that.

2164
01:48:03.420 --> 01:48:04.700
He doesn't want to come off as creeper.

2165
01:48:04.700 --> 01:48:05.700
He doesn't know.

2166
01:48:05.700 --> 01:48:09.020
Like, he's like, you could say, Hey, it'd be cool to like meet up for coffee, whatever.

2167
01:48:09.020 --> 01:48:11.300
I'm like, oh, there's going to be pursuit.

2168
01:48:11.300 --> 01:48:12.300
I don't want to.

2169
01:48:12.300 --> 01:48:14.580
And I was just like, I was just trying to calm myself.

2170
01:48:14.580 --> 01:48:16.780
I was spitting out stuff and then I chilled out.

2171
01:48:16.780 --> 01:48:18.060
So then I finally was very bold.

2172
01:48:18.060 --> 01:48:20.380
I was like, I'm going to be bold with you and you can take it forever.

2173
01:48:20.380 --> 01:48:21.380
Whatever you want.

2174
01:48:21.380 --> 01:48:22.380
You've given me all these compliments.

2175
01:48:22.380 --> 01:48:24.500
Why haven't you asked me out?

2176
01:48:24.500 --> 01:48:29.060
And he was just like, I took him off guard.

2177
01:48:29.060 --> 01:48:32.980
And then he told me, he was like, I actually am very timid with beautiful women.

2178
01:48:32.980 --> 01:48:35.780
You're strong, you're independent, all that stuff.

2179
01:48:35.780 --> 01:48:36.780
And I'm like, okay.

2180
01:48:36.780 --> 01:48:38.700
He's like, I suppose it is timidity.

2181
01:48:38.700 --> 01:48:41.100
It's also a fear of rejection.

2182
01:48:41.100 --> 01:48:42.820
He's like, and some people may view that as weak.

2183
01:48:42.820 --> 01:48:45.140
So then I said, so you think you're weak?

2184
01:48:45.140 --> 01:48:46.420
And then he was like, I didn't say that.

2185
01:48:46.420 --> 01:48:50.060
I said, some people may view that like, okay, I was like, let you know, I'm going to let

2186
01:48:50.740 --> 01:48:54.460
you know that had you asked me out, I would have said, oh, he's like, if I had asked you,

2187
01:48:54.460 --> 01:48:55.460
would you have said yes?

2188
01:48:55.460 --> 01:48:56.460
I'm like, yes, I would have.

2189
01:48:56.460 --> 01:49:00.220
Even if it wasn't on a romantic level, I would have happily, his story is very cool.

2190
01:49:00.220 --> 01:49:02.340
So because we've been going back and forth.

2191
01:49:02.340 --> 01:49:06.140
So then right after he's like, would you like to go out for coffee or dinner?

2192
01:49:06.140 --> 01:49:07.500
And I'm like, yes, I would.

2193
01:49:07.500 --> 01:49:08.500
So we had set it up.

2194
01:49:08.500 --> 01:49:09.500
But now he can't go.

2195
01:49:09.500 --> 01:49:11.220
And I'm kind of bummed.

2196
01:49:11.220 --> 01:49:20.020
But all that to say, I'm sorry, is, I don't know, like, I am not, all the guys on Bumble

2197
01:49:20.020 --> 01:49:22.300
have like, quieted down all this stuff.

2198
01:49:22.300 --> 01:49:26.420
And I'm not trying to pursue and I'm so proud of like, the water, I'm the duck, it keeps

2199
01:49:26.420 --> 01:49:30.500
on going off of me, and I'm getting a thicker skin, and I'm proud of that.

2200
01:49:30.500 --> 01:49:35.300
But then part of me is just like, I'm chatting with this guy, but I'm like, do I want to

2201
01:49:35.300 --> 01:49:36.900
engage in talking to somebody else?

2202
01:49:36.900 --> 01:49:41.020
Because I want to go on a date, I have childcare for Friday, again, you know what I mean?

2203
01:49:41.020 --> 01:49:43.580
So like, I don't know what to do.

2204
01:49:43.580 --> 01:49:48.380
I'm hoping I'm not trying to fill up the anniversary of my husband's death is next week, the second

2205
01:49:48.380 --> 01:49:49.380
year.

2206
01:49:49.740 --> 01:49:52.220
So I went to counseling, I have a cat, I had a Catholic lawyer last week, and I have another

2207
01:49:52.220 --> 01:49:55.740
one the day after of his second year anniversary of death.

2208
01:49:55.740 --> 01:49:57.500
So I purposely did that.

2209
01:49:57.500 --> 01:50:00.060
And I'm just trying to figure out like, I don't know.

2210
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:04.000
One, I want to go on a date. I want to keep on doing this discovery. It's really fun.

2211
01:50:04.800 --> 01:50:09.040
But I don't but then I don't know and I'm like, am I trying to cover up something like

2212
01:50:10.240 --> 01:50:14.480
I don't feel like I am but I don't know if I'm just too tired to like want to re-engage again

2213
01:50:15.120 --> 01:50:21.200
Put myself back on Facebook dating. I've swiped left on the most of the guys to be honest because I'm like, I don't know

2214
01:50:21.760 --> 01:50:25.680
So I don't I don't know what to do or like should I continue conversing with guys?

2215
01:50:26.000 --> 01:50:30.480
This guy should I give him my number should be just like hey, let's talk on the phone. Like what do you

2216
01:50:31.200 --> 01:50:35.840
Suggest because he he has talked with me every day like texted me or say how are you blah blah blah

2217
01:50:36.480 --> 01:50:40.640
I don't know what's going on. What's what's the question? I know that's what i'm trying to figure out

2218
01:50:40.720 --> 01:50:42.640
Should I oh, i'm, sorry

2219
01:50:42.640 --> 01:50:48.240
Should I go back on bumble and start swiping right with guys and and get back on on facebook dating?

2220
01:50:50.240 --> 01:50:54.960
But should I do that and also I think I like alexandra like i've been on here for a while and

2221
01:50:55.440 --> 01:51:00.480
I know I have asked you about phase three as well, and I don't know what to do. I'm like, okay

2222
01:51:00.480 --> 01:51:05.920
I feel like i'm still in this discovery. Well, hold up. You can be still dating discovering phase three

2223
01:51:06.560 --> 01:51:10.180
It's just because you're on phase three doesn't mean you're no longer not dating for discovery

2224
01:51:10.800 --> 01:51:14.240
Okay, so phase three has nothing to do where you are in your dating

2225
01:51:15.200 --> 01:51:17.200
Oh, what is I need more?

2226
01:51:18.240 --> 01:51:22.560
If you are just starting off in dating phase two is more closely knit

2227
01:51:22.720 --> 01:51:27.040
So you're going to have more access phase three is bigger lots more people

2228
01:51:27.440 --> 01:51:31.600
And so we do want you to date some while you're in this phase get you some date scenes

2229
01:51:31.600 --> 01:51:33.680
So you can have a lot of this, uh, you know

2230
01:51:34.240 --> 01:51:38.000
This I got I had lots of dates. I've had i've had experiences with all different men

2231
01:51:38.640 --> 01:51:41.520
And the 34 year old date was fun. I don't know

2232
01:51:42.640 --> 01:51:45.920
Hold on roseanne. I don't want to forget the first part of the question. No, no, i'm sorry

2233
01:51:45.920 --> 01:51:48.560
So the first part of your question is should you re-engage in social?

2234
01:51:49.520 --> 01:51:55.040
So dating apps, but what i'm trying to say to you it seems like you're having a lot of success without dating apps, right

2235
01:51:56.240 --> 01:51:58.240
Where are all these dates coming from?

2236
01:52:00.320 --> 01:52:06.960
No, one of it last week two weeks ago was bumble I I opened my range I was playing around I put 28 29

2237
01:52:07.440 --> 01:52:08.880
because

2238
01:52:08.880 --> 01:52:10.880
Let's i'm keeping it

2239
01:52:13.680 --> 01:52:17.440
Listen ladies, I got an eight-year-old and a six-year-old. I want him to wrestle with my kids

2240
01:52:17.680 --> 01:52:20.960
And I want him to wrestle with me, you know, yeah. Yeah. Yeah

2241
01:52:23.120 --> 01:52:29.460
When we're married when we're married y'all, you know, so like that doesn't mean i'm in shape 45 year i'm in shape at 43

2242
01:52:30.640 --> 01:52:35.920
My gauge is like 28 to 50. Huh? I'm, sorry. We hear you. You want to look tough?

2243
01:52:36.480 --> 01:52:38.480
Okay

2244
01:52:46.480 --> 01:52:48.960
I want to say ladies, but I won't if you want to talk to me

2245
01:52:49.040 --> 01:52:53.200
I'll share my stories with you of what I want in the name of the lord when we're married. Yes

2246
01:52:54.560 --> 01:52:55.200
but

2247
01:52:55.200 --> 01:52:59.760
that's really up to you if you if you're enjoying not being on the apps don't be on the apps because

2248
01:53:00.000 --> 01:53:02.560
I don't know if you pay for bumble, but facebook. They know for you

2249
01:53:03.360 --> 01:53:08.080
Yeah, so if you want to be on there be on there if you don't don't and if you want to check it out check it

2250
01:53:08.080 --> 01:53:11.280
Out, you know dating when you're on the apps, it kind of sucks you in

2251
01:53:11.840 --> 01:53:17.280
Yeah, picture picture picture and it can get tiring and it does suck you in it can be consuming

2252
01:53:17.840 --> 01:53:22.320
Um, and so take a break start back take a break start back. See what's out there

2253
01:53:23.120 --> 01:53:25.680
Okay, i'm kind of i've done better. Um

2254
01:53:26.320 --> 01:53:31.920
Ebony i've i've remembered getting sucked in for a long time. I've learned now to be a lot more

2255
01:53:32.320 --> 01:53:34.320
balanced with it now that i'm

2256
01:53:34.480 --> 01:53:36.480
More in this in this program. I have wonderful thing

2257
01:53:36.480 --> 01:53:39.600
But i've it's just it goes in phases because I had no desire and all of a sudden like yeah

2258
01:53:39.600 --> 01:53:40.880
Let's go back on it

2259
01:53:40.880 --> 01:53:43.360
I don't know if I want to just like what joanne was saying like

2260
01:53:43.680 --> 01:53:47.280
Do I want to talk to people like and I love that you had the three people?

2261
01:53:47.760 --> 01:53:52.240
To talk to like I'll go out with you. We'll talk to you like sometimes it just feels weird

2262
01:53:52.720 --> 01:53:56.640
Um, but I haven't even started that but like i'm not gonna lie I want to go on a date

2263
01:53:56.640 --> 01:53:59.600
I would love to go on a date this friday and it's not gonna happen with matt. So

2264
01:54:00.640 --> 01:54:04.160
Now what like he said he's like we'll meet up because I told him I was like well

2265
01:54:04.560 --> 01:54:07.520
He's always you know, he's really sweet. He's like i'm really I feel bad. Are you upset?

2266
01:54:07.600 --> 01:54:12.880
I'm, like i'm not upset this happens. It's part of your your work that you have to do. I'm not petty like that

2267
01:54:13.200 --> 01:54:15.040
I was just and he was like, I bet you look amazing

2268
01:54:15.040 --> 01:54:19.360
He's like, oh i'm dressing up in a suit and it always makes you feel good and I was like

2269
01:54:20.000 --> 01:54:24.240
Oh, yeah, it does blah blah blah. He's like I bet you look gorgeous dressed up and I was like well when you meet me

2270
01:54:24.720 --> 01:54:26.720
Um, you'll see that

2271
01:54:26.720 --> 01:54:28.640
And so he's like we'll meet up. I'm like, all right

2272
01:54:29.200 --> 01:54:31.200
And part of me just like how do I do that now?

2273
01:54:31.360 --> 01:54:32.960
Like what should I say to him now?

2274
01:54:32.960 --> 01:54:35.600
Should I say like would you like to talk on the phone sometime like he?

2275
01:54:36.000 --> 01:54:41.600
He says he'd like to hear my voice. He likes it when I leave voice messages on the facetime not facetime

2276
01:54:42.320 --> 01:54:44.800
Facebook you can do facebook messenger. You can use that

2277
01:54:45.440 --> 01:54:49.600
So, I don't I don't know what I should do if I should talk to this guy or just leave it alone and be like

2278
01:54:49.680 --> 01:54:55.600
Don't talk to anybody except continue on the conversation with him instead of adding it to more guys with bumble or friendship

2279
01:54:56.800 --> 01:54:59.120
It just depends on what you want to juggle, but you know

2280
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:02.160
You can add more guys if there's whatever.

2281
01:55:02.160 --> 01:55:04.040
I was gonna ask you about your date on Friday.

2282
01:55:04.040 --> 01:55:06.200
Is there anybody that you've already gone out with

2283
01:55:06.200 --> 01:55:07.480
that you'd like to go out with again

2284
01:55:07.480 --> 01:55:08.320
that you can say,

2285
01:55:08.320 --> 01:55:10.680
hey, would you be interested in hanging out on Friday?

2286
01:55:14.320 --> 01:55:16.880
I mean, but I think he's gonna have his son.

2287
01:55:16.880 --> 01:55:19.480
He was sweet, but I don't know if it's gonna go anywhere.

2288
01:55:19.480 --> 01:55:24.480
His sobriety is too early for me.

2289
01:55:25.120 --> 01:55:27.320
I've opened up my eyes to certain things about stuff.

2290
01:55:27.560 --> 01:55:29.200
I consulted people with wisdom

2291
01:55:29.200 --> 01:55:32.360
who struggled with addiction once upon a time,

2292
01:55:32.360 --> 01:55:33.200
this and that and the other,

2293
01:55:33.200 --> 01:55:35.800
and I was trying to weigh out options and talk to people.

2294
01:55:35.800 --> 01:55:38.820
And a year and a half is too soon for me.

2295
01:55:39.680 --> 01:55:41.560
I would rather somebody who has longer time.

2296
01:55:41.560 --> 01:55:43.760
I'm open to the idea of now

2297
01:55:43.760 --> 01:55:46.600
because some of these men that I know who are pastors,

2298
01:55:46.600 --> 01:55:48.880
they were saying like, I'm not invincible, I'm not Superman,

2299
01:55:48.880 --> 01:55:49.880
but I know my limits.

2300
01:55:49.880 --> 01:55:52.020
I know what I do, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

2301
01:55:52.020 --> 01:55:53.040
I can handle that.

2302
01:55:53.040 --> 01:55:56.240
I was comparing sobriety and recovery

2303
01:55:56.240 --> 01:55:58.880
to my late husband who barely did anything.

2304
01:55:58.880 --> 01:56:00.080
And I was like, if that's what it is,

2305
01:56:00.080 --> 01:56:01.360
I'm not doing it with nobody.

2306
01:56:01.360 --> 01:56:03.240
But then I talked to men who are like, I do this,

2307
01:56:03.240 --> 01:56:05.320
I go to meetings, I do this, I blah, blah, blah.

2308
01:56:05.320 --> 01:56:08.920
I have community, I work out, I go see my mental health.

2309
01:56:08.920 --> 01:56:10.080
There's all these things that are labeled.

2310
01:56:10.080 --> 01:56:11.880
He's like, you know, like your husband did.

2311
01:56:11.880 --> 01:56:14.840
And I'm like, nah, he didn't do any of this.

2312
01:56:14.840 --> 01:56:17.160
The man was spitting about, this was an older guy.

2313
01:56:17.160 --> 01:56:18.560
This was Noah from a long time ago.

2314
01:56:18.560 --> 01:56:19.720
We're just friends now.

2315
01:56:21.260 --> 01:56:23.040
I don't know, the Lord has opened up my eyes

2316
01:56:23.040 --> 01:56:25.500
because even when I put it on non-negotiables,

2317
01:56:26.440 --> 01:56:28.120
obviously somebody in active addiction

2318
01:56:28.120 --> 01:56:29.800
is an absolutely non-negotiable.

2319
01:56:29.800 --> 01:56:31.240
That's not gonna happen at all.

2320
01:56:31.240 --> 01:56:34.680
But the one in recovery, I was teetering with

2321
01:56:34.680 --> 01:56:36.840
even when I presented it to the Lord

2322
01:56:36.840 --> 01:56:39.680
because I didn't feel, something didn't feel

2323
01:56:39.680 --> 01:56:41.360
like I should close that off.

2324
01:56:41.360 --> 01:56:43.560
I'm not saying I'm gonna go back to it either

2325
01:56:43.560 --> 01:56:45.280
with whoever it is.

2326
01:56:45.280 --> 01:56:47.680
However, I've noticed it's a lot of the men that I've met,

2327
01:56:47.680 --> 01:56:51.320
a lot of them do have substance from the past with addiction.

2328
01:56:51.320 --> 01:56:52.880
And so I don't wanna write people off

2329
01:56:52.880 --> 01:56:54.960
because of my husband, my late husband.

2330
01:56:55.960 --> 01:56:58.640
But I just, I don't know what it is.

2331
01:56:58.640 --> 01:57:02.960
Like I wanna be, I wanna honor my singleness

2332
01:57:02.960 --> 01:57:04.440
and enjoy it and not look back and be like,

2333
01:57:04.440 --> 01:57:06.480
man, I was always in a rush wanting to like date guys,

2334
01:57:06.480 --> 01:57:07.320
blah, blah, blah.

2335
01:57:07.320 --> 01:57:10.440
But like I never dated when I was in my 20s.

2336
01:57:10.440 --> 01:57:13.040
This is my dating right now is in my 40s.

2337
01:57:13.040 --> 01:57:16.000
So I don't know.

2338
01:57:16.000 --> 01:57:17.720
I don't even know what I'm trying to ask you, Ebony.

2339
01:57:17.720 --> 01:57:19.640
I'm sorry if I'm confusing you.

2340
01:57:19.640 --> 01:57:21.440
You're not confusing me.

2341
01:57:21.440 --> 01:57:23.620
You wanna go on a date on Friday night.

2342
01:57:23.620 --> 01:57:26.540
So I'm saying if you can't, that's what we're on right now.

2343
01:57:26.540 --> 01:57:28.820
So if you can't go on a date on Friday night,

2344
01:57:28.820 --> 01:57:31.780
then you need to probably think of something

2345
01:57:31.780 --> 01:57:33.660
you wanna do for yourself.

2346
01:57:33.660 --> 01:57:34.500
That's for sure.

2347
01:57:34.500 --> 01:57:37.340
Because I've also been, I've had a lot going on.

2348
01:57:37.340 --> 01:57:39.140
The Lord used a blessing of something

2349
01:57:39.140 --> 01:57:40.860
that had nothing to do romantically

2350
01:57:40.860 --> 01:57:42.900
but with my daughter, my 12 year old.

2351
01:57:42.900 --> 01:57:44.380
The Lord just blessed us.

2352
01:57:44.380 --> 01:57:46.620
We've been having a lot of hard difficulties with stuff

2353
01:57:46.620 --> 01:57:49.220
and everybody dealing with the grief of Jeff.

2354
01:57:50.260 --> 01:57:53.420
But the Lord really blessed a time with her and I.

2355
01:57:54.220 --> 01:57:55.620
And I'm so happy about that.

2356
01:57:56.780 --> 01:57:59.180
So, and with that saying, it was like,

2357
01:57:59.180 --> 01:58:01.860
he took something very heavy on my heart

2358
01:58:01.860 --> 01:58:05.000
and allowed good talk to happen with my daughter.

2359
01:58:05.000 --> 01:58:07.300
And I think that was good to take something off my plate,

2360
01:58:07.300 --> 01:58:09.260
but I also need to fill myself.

2361
01:58:09.260 --> 01:58:11.980
I did fill myself with a Big Mac and French fries today

2362
01:58:11.980 --> 01:58:13.820
and ice cream when I was talking to you.

2363
01:58:13.820 --> 01:58:18.100
So I did that, but like to do something for Roe by myself

2364
01:58:18.100 --> 01:58:19.940
without feeling guilty that I'm not doing something

2365
01:58:19.940 --> 01:58:21.820
with my children, even though most of them

2366
01:58:21.820 --> 01:58:23.220
are actually gonna be out of the house.

2367
01:58:23.980 --> 01:58:24.820
I shouldn't feel bad about that.

2368
01:58:24.820 --> 01:58:27.180
And I wanna get gussied up and go out.

2369
01:58:27.180 --> 01:58:29.540
So maybe I should go salsa dance, I don't know.

2370
01:58:29.540 --> 01:58:31.620
Oh, that'll be fun, do that.

2371
01:58:31.620 --> 01:58:32.540
I love salsa dance.

2372
01:58:32.540 --> 01:58:33.980
If they have it open, I probably shouldn't

2373
01:58:33.980 --> 01:58:35.140
just ask my other single girlfriend

2374
01:58:35.140 --> 01:58:36.540
if she wants to come with.

2375
01:58:36.540 --> 01:58:38.580
Yeah, I think you should.

2376
01:58:38.580 --> 01:58:40.800
I think actually dancing would be cathartic for me.

2377
01:58:40.800 --> 01:58:42.820
So I'll look into it.

2378
01:58:42.820 --> 01:58:43.820
Well, let's do that.

2379
01:58:46.300 --> 01:58:47.780
All right, thank you for doing that.

2380
01:58:47.780 --> 01:58:50.620
And I've got to consider phase three.

2381
01:58:50.620 --> 01:58:52.880
I don't know, I'm gonna miss you guys.

2382
01:58:53.560 --> 01:58:55.280
You can come anytime you want.

2383
01:58:56.140 --> 01:58:56.980
How do you do that?

2384
01:58:56.980 --> 01:58:59.360
Just look on events?

2385
01:58:59.360 --> 01:59:02.680
Just go to your, yeah, let me see how do I switch in.

2386
01:59:02.680 --> 01:59:04.760
I don't know if yours look like mine.

2387
01:59:04.760 --> 01:59:06.880
Yeah, you go to the top, it's a little tab

2388
01:59:06.880 --> 01:59:09.340
and then you select under my groups.

2389
01:59:11.280 --> 01:59:13.120
The tab, my groups.

2390
01:59:13.120 --> 01:59:15.600
At the top of the page where it says my groups.

2391
01:59:19.440 --> 01:59:22.800
If you don't figure it out, post it down.

2392
01:59:23.760 --> 01:59:25.440
I want to, it's nine o'clock.

2393
01:59:25.440 --> 01:59:26.600
I want to pray this out.

2394
01:59:26.600 --> 01:59:29.000
I want you, I need some agreement for Alexandria

2395
01:59:29.000 --> 01:59:30.600
because she asked us to pray.

2396
01:59:30.600 --> 01:59:32.440
And so I want to pray right now.

2397
01:59:32.440 --> 01:59:33.600
If you ladies would agree with me.

2398
01:59:33.600 --> 01:59:35.360
Father God, we thank you for Alexandria.

2399
01:59:35.360 --> 01:59:37.560
And what I thank you most about her life

2400
01:59:37.560 --> 01:59:39.480
is that her steps have been ordered.

2401
01:59:39.480 --> 01:59:41.840
You knitted her together in her mother's womb.

2402
01:59:41.840 --> 01:59:43.240
You know everything about her.

2403
01:59:43.240 --> 01:59:45.520
All of her days have already been planned.

2404
01:59:45.520 --> 01:59:48.640
And so we say thank you to the apple and the omega.

2405
01:59:48.640 --> 01:59:51.840
You are both the beginning and the end all at the same time.

2406
01:59:51.880 --> 01:59:54.160
I thank you Lord God that she gets to live a life

2407
01:59:54.160 --> 01:59:56.380
of wonder and surprise with you

2408
01:59:56.380 --> 01:59:58.720
because you have great things in store for her.

2409
01:59:58.720 --> 02:00:00.080
So Father God, I don't.

2410
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:04.280
know what's to come, but I know if you have your hands in it, it's good.

2411
02:00:04.480 --> 02:00:06.080
It can't be anything but good.

2412
02:00:06.280 --> 02:00:07.760
It's going to always be good.

2413
02:00:07.960 --> 02:00:11.120
Jesus told a parable in the New Testament, in the book of Luke.

2414
02:00:11.320 --> 02:00:15.640
He said, if my son, if your son asks you for bread, would you give him a stone?

2415
02:00:15.840 --> 02:00:18.440
And if he asks you for fish, would you give him a snake?

2416
02:00:18.640 --> 02:00:22.600
Now, you men who are evil at heart know how to give good gifts to your children.

2417
02:00:22.800 --> 02:00:27.200
What more than your father in heaven, who is much greater and good,

2418
02:00:27.360 --> 02:00:29.880
even more good than any man on earth.

2419
02:00:30.080 --> 02:00:34.000
And so, Father God, I know that you are a God who gives good gifts.

2420
02:00:34.200 --> 02:00:36.240
I also know that you are a God who does

2421
02:00:36.440 --> 02:00:40.760
exceedingly, abundantly, above all that we could ask or think.

2422
02:00:40.960 --> 02:00:44.720
So I say, if you don't do this, I know you're going to do something better.

2423
02:00:44.920 --> 02:00:48.360
God, if you don't meet this, then do the better that you have in store.

2424
02:00:48.560 --> 02:00:50.920
And so we thank you, Lord God, for favor.

2425
02:00:51.120 --> 02:00:52.600
We thank you for open doors.

2426
02:00:52.800 --> 02:00:54.240
We thank you for new places.

2427
02:00:54.240 --> 02:00:57.160
And we thank you for new grace over Alexandria.

2428
02:00:57.360 --> 02:01:00.560
In Jesus name, Amen.

2429
02:01:01.400 --> 02:01:03.080
Amen. Thank you so much.

2430
02:01:03.280 --> 02:01:04.280
Amen.

2431
02:01:05.960 --> 02:01:09.480
All of my Austin ladies, we're going to celebrate in Austin and we're going to

2432
02:01:09.680 --> 02:01:12.120
move the party to Dallas with Miss Eloise.

2433
02:01:12.320 --> 02:01:15.480
And Dallas has a lot of ladies, a lot, a lot, a lot of ladies.

2434
02:01:15.680 --> 02:01:16.840
And so.

2435
02:01:17.040 --> 02:01:18.200
That'll be really good.

2436
02:01:18.400 --> 02:01:21.680
Yeah, I'll be in town the 18th for the in-person interview.

2437
02:01:21.680 --> 02:01:27.440
Do we want to wait until I get an offer or do we just want to meet up the 18th?

2438
02:01:27.640 --> 02:01:32.760
Like or the 18th is is a Monday or is it a Monday?

2439
02:01:32.960 --> 02:01:37.000
So I think it would be like the Sunday or the Saturday before 18.

2440
02:01:37.200 --> 02:01:39.840
I'll be in Houston on that that weekend before.

2441
02:01:40.040 --> 02:01:41.400
But I mean, everybody else can meet.

2442
02:01:41.400 --> 02:01:43.000
I'm not trying to like it's depending on me.

2443
02:01:43.200 --> 02:01:44.920
But the 23rd would be nice.

2444
02:01:45.120 --> 02:01:46.400
So get get your date.

2445
02:01:46.600 --> 02:01:48.280
And are you going to you?

2446
02:01:48.320 --> 02:01:50.240
Are you moving to apartment here or something?

2447
02:01:50.240 --> 02:01:52.400
Are you moving with your friend?

2448
02:01:52.600 --> 02:01:57.040
No, if I was just going to move and find a place of the yard for my dog.

2449
02:01:57.240 --> 02:01:58.520
I mean, I don't know.

2450
02:01:58.720 --> 02:01:59.840
I know you had connections here.

2451
02:02:00.040 --> 02:02:02.440
So, yeah. So let us know once you get it.

2452
02:02:02.640 --> 02:02:03.160
And then we'll play.

2453
02:02:03.360 --> 02:02:05.640
Eloise has a connection.

2454
02:02:06.960 --> 02:02:08.640
I'll text you.

2455
02:02:08.840 --> 02:02:10.320
OK. All right, ladies.

2456
02:02:10.520 --> 02:02:12.360
Rest well. So good.

2457
02:02:12.560 --> 02:02:13.920
So good. Thank you.

2458
02:02:14.120 --> 02:02:15.440
I mean, have a good night, ladies.

2459
02:02:15.640 --> 02:02:16.360
Have any.

2460
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:02.060
you

2461
02:05:30.000 --> 02:05:32.060
you

2462
02:06:00.000 --> 02:06:02.060
you

2463
02:06:30.000 --> 02:06:32.060
you