Good evening, ladies.
I'm just going to, and gents, I'm going to give it a minute or two just to make sure
folks are getting on.
I love the fact that it's seven o'clock and it's still light out, y'all, like we're getting
those longer days.
I don't know where some of y'all live, that may not be true for everybody.
And I see a lot of people off camera, and I'm hoping that changes in the next 10 minutes
because I don't want to talk to just a bunch of names across the screen, that's just no
fun at all.
So do you say Juddy?
Do you say Juddy?
You're on mute.
Or is it Judy?
Do you say Judy or Juddy?
Oh, Mandy, yeah, that's okay.
I appreciate you.
Okay, well, so tonight is, as you guys know, on the beginning part of the session, I always
try to see topics that I see in the Facebook feed that are the consistent questions I see
coming up again.
And I want to smack my head against the wall because sometimes I see you guys asking the
same thing that I feel like I've shared three times.
But if people keep asking it, then I need to bring it more clearly.
So that's what I'm assuming.
So I'm always going to cover some topics.
And tonight specifically, we're going to talk about your non-negotiables from heaven versus
your preferences.
Because we want to make sure that your non-negotiables from heaven are not getting in your way.
But we also want to make your especially make sure your preferences, because some of you
may need to adjust some of your preferences.
And we'll go along the way.
Okay.
Yes, it is being recorded Mandy, thank you for checking because I'm the queen of forgetting
to hit record.
Okay.
So, and I apologize, y'all, I'm on day four of wearing Invinci-Lines, okay, nobody told
me for the first couple of weeks, my mouth is like my gum line is like all chewed up.
I can't stand it.
And I pretty much have to use a dental plier to get these things out.
Which means I can't eat except like three times a day.
And I didn't realize how much I snacked and how much I drank coffee because I can't get
to accept it.
So I have to get this thing out and then brush my teeth.
And I feel like I'm talking with spit in my mouth.
So I apologize.
And oh, no one else also told me that because your saliva can't get around that you drink
a lot of water.
I'm already on, I'm well over 120 ounces of water.
And yeah, let's just say I'm super hydrated.
So I'm going to lose weight.
I don't know how people don't lose weight on Invinci-Lines because I just can't get
them out.
So maybe that was that was the thing.
So ladies, if you, and men, if you can't stop eating, get these little braces things.
All right.
So the first one, and I love talking about this one.
Thank you.
Oh, Cheryl, thank you for saying that.
Let me go ahead and do that right now.
Cheryl is back from her trip.
We are so excited.
Okay.
So the first one is spotting the 3Ms.
So men, you're on the call too.
So for women, we say the 3Ms, mature, masculine, and marriage-minded.
For men, it's the same thing, except it's mature, feminine, and marriage-minded.
And so we're going to talk about what does it mean?
Like, well, what does it really mean to be mature?
Here's what I think a mature person does.
A mature person can talk about their ex without having a meltdown, without complaining about
them, without throwing them under the bus and diagnosing them and blaming them for their
marriage.
They can talk about it with clarity.
They can talk about it calmly, and they can talk about whatever mistakes they've made
in the past, whether it's their marriage, family, job.
They have a posture that says, here's where I've learned, here's where I've grown, and
here's where I'm going.
So a mature person knows that they have made mistakes, and they're not defensive about
those mistakes.
They don't blame other people for those mistakes, and they can own their mistakes.
A mature person can have hard conversations.
A mature person can go and do a deep dive,
especially if you're past like that first month.
So a mature person,
they can carry themselves when they're angry
and they can carry themselves when they're sad.
That's what a mature person does.
They behave like an adult.
And here's, I have said this a million times,
but I'll keep saying it because I live by it.
And I learned this from my therapist.
Adults make statements, children explain.
So when you find yourself
and or you see somebody explaining their answer
over and over and over again,
then you're starting to be,
that's what a child does.
An adult will make a statement.
So if somebody asks you something,
you can say with clarity,
I understand why you're thinking that,
here's what's true.
If they don't believe you,
you can say it one more time.
You don't have to start explaining yourself.
Like Renee,
cause I remember before Brian,
I dated somebody who started questioning
how much I was spending time with my family.
Well, Renee, and I just said,
you know what?
I booked these trips before I even met you.
I'm not going to cancel them.
So I've got to play them out.
And it turned into this thing.
And I just started repeating my answer.
I booked these vacations before I met you.
That's my final answer, period.
So that's what mature people can do.
Masculine or feminine.
It means that they're operating in our divine gifts.
If you guys don't remember what it means
to be divinely masculine and divinely feminine,
I want to say at the top of the year,
I unpack that again.
Otherwise you can go back to the phase two
love story accelerator and look up
and rewatch the divine masculine and feminine.
A masculine person is going to take charge.
They're going to plan a date.
They're going to open the car door for you.
They're going to open the door for you.
They're going to step on the side of the street
where the traffic is.
If you're dating them, they're going to hold your hand.
They're going to guide you.
In those first couple of dates,
I think they're going to pay for the dates.
Feminine.
It means that you look feminine.
You show up either in a dress or a cute pair of pants
and some heels and or a flirty outfit or something jewelry.
Like you're showing up being feminine.
You're going to be soft.
Soft doesn't mean you can't be loud.
Like I'm a loud Italian.
But you can show some softness with you.
You can thank them.
You can show gratitude.
And so I'm not going to re-go over that,
but masculine and feminine is sitting in their divine seat
and not the weak version of it
or not the non-existent version of it.
So if you're not sure if someone's being masculine
or you're feminine, or you're not sure you are,
then I would ask you to go back to that teaching.
Marriage-minded.
Here's the really important one, you guys.
It is okay at your age, if you're over the age of 30
and you're on this call or listening to a replay,
it is okay for you to ask where people are at
in their dating season.
It is okay to ask.
Like, hey, you know what?
I understand you just got divorced.
So tell me kind of where you're at in your dating season.
Are you just getting back out there?
Are you looking to meet friends?
And you're looking for somebody to say, you know what?
I feel like I've been out there long enough
and I'm really just looking for my person.
You wanna find somebody,
if you are marriage-minded yourself,
you wanna find somebody who's also marriage-minded.
So if they tell you something like, you know what?
I'm just getting back out there.
I just got divorced after 30 years.
I don't know where God has it.
That is not a marriage-minded person.
If they say to you something like, oh my gosh,
I got really destroyed in my last marriage.
I'm sure if I finally met the right person,
I might think differently about marriage.
You don't want to go after somebody
who doesn't come into the conversation
already with a good attitude about marriage.
If you wanna get married
and they still have negative feelings about marriage
because of what's happened to them in the past,
then they have not finished their hard work.
It's just that simple.
Now you might say, well, I'm gonna give it a chance.
Girl, guy, you can give it a chance.
But in six months, if it's not moving anywhere,
don't come to me and say, Renee,
why isn't he going anywhere?
Why isn't she going anywhere?
I'm like, well, were they marriage ready?
And I'm not saying they're,
you don't have to have them say something like,
oh my gosh, I wanna get married by the end of the year.
That's not what you're looking for.
But you wanna hear somebody
who has a good attitude about marriage,
they're healed from their past,
and they're ready to settle down.
Those are the kinds of words you're looking for.
Settle down, they're positive about marriage,
and they're done with their past.
So that is how do you spot the three Ms.
And so when we get towards the end,
if you have a question about the three Ms,
or the MFM for the men,
jot it down, and as we get towards the end,
I'll be happy to answer that question.
Pacing, this is another question
that still continues.
to come up a lot. What should the pacing be like? How long should you text versus video
versus a live date? Now, you know how I feel about this. How many weeks do I tell you guys
to last before you move on to the video date? Everybody put up a number. It's one. If you
are talking by text longer than a week and it's turned into a month, something's wrong.
It is okay. So ladies, how do you do this without feeling like you're leading? You
just say like, hey, you know what? I don't know about you, but I'm looking to date in
real life. And for me, one of the best ways to do that is to move this to a video chat
where you can see and hear each other and see body language. It's a great way to get
the entire communication process. So I don't text after just about a week. So if you're
open to that, I would love for us to schedule a video chat, either Google me or zoom. And
if they say, well, can we just exchange phone numbers next? No, we can't. I just, my preference
for our first session is Google me or zoom. Remember I said to you guys, children explain
adults make statements. Why don't you want my phone number? I don't need to explain that.
I only do Google me or zoom for the verse video. I promise you, once we get past that,
I will be happy to give you my phone number. Do you see how I didn't explain it like, well,
it's because it's online and it's because it's not safe. Like I made a statement. I
prefer to see full body language. I prefer to hear your tone and inflection. I don't
need to explain anything more. The data already shows that that's how, that's the best way
to learn communication. That's enough of an explanation. And I just repeat myself. So
by the, by the time somebody asks you the same thing, the third time, this is what you
can say. I've already answered that question twice. And that's my final answer. Is this
something that's still an issue? Because if it's still an issue, we might be done and
that's okay. And you can say, and that's okay. This isn't for everybody. I know I'm not for
everybody. I just know for me, I don't text longer than a week because I just, I really
am looking to, I am looking to date somebody in real life. Hey, looking to date somebody
in real life. That's the only way you get there. So that's how long we text video date.
So somebody says to me, well, what if they don't book the video date? You stop texting.
You just say, you just stop answering. You say it once, Hey, I've already mentioned,
I don't text at this point. Now you're asking really great questions. Those are video conversations
or those are live conversations. So it's not that I'm not interested. I'm just not going
to continue this texting conversation. If you want to really keep talking, we're going
to book a video date and then you just stop. You stop. You guys, I am married to an incredible
human being, but I promise you plenty of men thought I was a jerk, thought I was a bitch
and like drop me like a hot potato because I was that permanent. But guess what I also
didn't do? I didn't waste a lot of time. So some of you that are exhausted and burnt out
from online dating, it's because you're giving men and women too much time and attention
that have not deserved it. Okay. Live dates. I personally got to the point where I started
doing a video date simply because my time became very important to me. So sometimes
like setting up for a full date, you got to like book, like with traffic and getting there
and getting dressed like three hours. And I don't know if somebody was worth three hours
of my time when a video date for 30 minutes can tell me like really quickly that this
was not. And I will tell you guys, every time I skipped him in right to the first date
without a video date, every one of those didn't just bomb. Like they like crashed and burned.
Like I had a guy who basically found out I was in seminary and like, I think he couldn't
run out of the restaurant fast enough. Another guy, I asked another question and he got so
angry with me and I'm like, Renee, you know better. You would have learned this in the
video call and y'all could have saved yourself some time. The only time I would have been
okay with a live date first is if they were willing to come to me. And I only had to go
down like a mile down the street. And it was like at the local coffee shop where we could
just take a walk around. So I'm going to agree to that first date. I didn't want it to be
a big old deal. Now you might feel like Renee, I want them to wind me and die me on the first
date. I prefer that. I hate being on the video. That's fine. If you've got that kind of time
and it doesn't feel like a waste of your time for you, go right to the first date. It is
okay. I just started to get an economy of my time. And then of course, long distance,
you guys, this is super important. If you are going long distance, you've got to get
that first live visit within six weeks or six video dates. If you guys can't get there
sooner than that, because money is an issue, schedule's an issue, I'm going to encourage
you to take a step back and go, if it's getting this hard to book the first live date, how
hard is it going to be to date this person consistently? If we have to get on the
plane ride every time and we have job issues and children issues and financial issues,
is this going to be a realistic person for me to date? It's not a bad thing. It's just a,
it's just reality. Like there was a sweet guy I was talking to who was 2000 miles away
and I had just started seminary. So my salary went from this to this. And I was like, dude,
I don't have the money to get on a plane right now to go out to California. And he's like, well,
I don't either. Cause I just switched jobs. And I'm like, well, then we got nothing. Cause
either one of us can hop on the plane for the next six months. What are we doing?
And so your person, it won't be this hard. Your person won't be this hard.
So I really want you to be in. I also, I know Jackie would have me remind you if you are both
dealing with parenting schedules and your kids are under 18 and the other parent is very involved
in that parent issue. If neither one of you can relocate because of kids, don't start talking.
Don't start talking because neither one of you can move. So you're just going to be miserable
for, I don't know, another three or four years until one of you can move and, or you're going
to separate that parental agreement. And Jackie and I, I kind of agree with you. I kind of feel
like, and you guys, I, I gave some really bad advice because I don't know, like six months ago,
somebody kind of met somebody who was like the perfect match for them, but they had kids.
And I was like, Oh, just meet them. It's no big deal. And you know what they met and it was
amazing, but then they couldn't do anything with it because it wouldn't work with their
parenting schedule. And I think she went through a much bigger heartbreak because she had that
meeting. So I've learned to get much more cautious on that. If there's no way for you guys to ever
get in the same city and state, then don't start. And that's just because we want to protect you.
Okay. So that's the pacing. And I'm going to say, Jackie did a teaching on it a couple,
a month or two ago where she talked about the timeline, clarity, I'm sorry, curiosity,
clarity, and commitment. And I thought that was such a beautiful way to explain it. The first 30
days, you're just curious. You're asking questions about that are making you curious. Remember
curious questions are, they are very present day and they're going forward. This is not where you
unpack what happened in their divorce and their financial situation. You guys really, I've been
helping a girlfriend who used to be in this program and oh my gosh, she is the queen for
getting all of their dirt in the first 48 hours. And I'm like, girl, I get it. I'm a social worker
too. I used to think that's a really good skill to have. It is except when you're dating. I don't
care who they are. Nobody should be vomiting their stuff. They shouldn't be telling you about their
12 step meeting, their drug addiction, their affairs, their pornography. No, no, not in the
first 72 hours. There's never a good, well, but Renee, wouldn't you want to just get it over with?
No, like, no, I'm just trying to, we're trying to teach you guys to pace yourself. So that first 30
days, you're just curious about this person. The second 30 days is you're getting clarity is what
are their actions and the words matching each other. That is a great time to have you meet
their friends and you meet, they meet your friends. I mean, you may not be getting your
family and your bestie, you know, but like, these are the people that are going to take a look on
the outside and see how you guys interact to each other and what's the vibe. And I can promise you
this, you guys, it is a rare moment when your family and friends don't support your person and
it's your person. 9.9 times out of 10, if he or she is your person, your people think so too.
So trust those people because they're not going to be looking at it with rose colored glasses.
They want what's best for you. And then in the next 30 days, you're talking about what a future
might look like. Now, some of you might go like, Renee, there's no way I'm going that fast.
I'm specifically talking to the old farts like myself that I'm just a fan of in the first 90
days, you can learn a lot about somebody. And so if you're going past 90 days, they may not be
a complete yes, but if they're a no, you know, how many people would say they know it's a no
within the first 90 days? You know, it's a no. And even when you stick around for six more months,
you go back to that 90 day mark and you didn't learn anything new. All it did, all that extra
six months did was just confirm that you were right. So you learn a lot in that first 90 days,
which is why you don't need to be talking about getting married in the first 90 days.
You really don't. I know it's happened here. Even Brian and I, you know, we knew we had a
potential future together, but we really tried to not start talking marriage. I mean, really,
it was like my sister met him on the 90 day mark. And she was the one that was like, Oh,
are you guys thinking about getting married? And we're like, uh, you know, like we saw it
potentially, but we hadn't really played it out.
And she went from trying to break us up before she met him to by the end of the 10-hour drill
down date, y'all, she full court pressed him for like, it was a holiday tent. It was a long day.
By the end of the 10 hours, she was like, have the wedding here in my backyard. Swear to God,
no lie. She even pulled out the basket of wedding supplies that she still had from when her son got
married. But that's what happens when it's your person. It can still go fast when it's your
person, but nobody is feeling frenetic about it. Okay. How do you drop the hanky without leading?
This is specifically for the women. And so a lot of women say, how do I drop the hanky without me
taking charge? Here's how I dropped the hanky without taking charge. Hey, I don't keep texting
past a week. I feel like I need to move on to a video. After a couple of video dates, I say, hey,
I usually think it's time to meet in person. If that's not where you're at, that's totally okay.
But for me, I'm done video chatting. To me, I would call that as very clear drop the hankies.
I'm kind of letting them know what's next. And you might say, Renee, that's kind of leading the
pacing. Eh, maybe. A lot of guys are... I mean, here's the thing. I'm not making them book the
video date. I'm not making them book the date, but I am kind of letting them know what my boundary is.
Now, of course, people could be on vacations and schedules. Like Brian and I, we both had vacations
back to back when we first met. So it was like three weeks before we could get our first date.
And so, of course, life happens, but I'm just trying to help you guys keep the pace,
keep the pace of moving. Okay. I had to handwrite my notes because I'm at a conference this week.
So I didn't have my little printer handy. Okay. Is it a yes until it's a no? So I feel like this
is a really important one because sometimes some of us stay in something too long because of that
phrase, it's a yes until it's a no. I promise you that phrase is mostly important in the first 30
days. Because a lot of times we don't give somebody a chance because they don't look like
we think they're supposed to look like. They're not the height, not the weight. They don't have
the job. They don't have the financial status. They don't live in the right city. They don't
like the right activity. So there's somebody that you might be writing off in the first 30 days.
And Jack is like, hey, it's a yes until it's a no. Do you enjoy them? Do you want to keep getting
to know them? Are you still curious about them? Then it's a yes until it's no. Here's when it's
not a yes until it's a no. If it's been like a couple months or a month or two and they want
to go exclusive and you are still not physically attracted to them at all, you've given it enough
time. And you guys, I was guilty of it. I started a Simbas class with a man here like four years ago
and I still was not attracted to him. Like I remember my hairdresser. She's like, yeah,
I knew you didn't like them. And you know when your hairdresser knows that you're not attracted
to your person. And you guys, I got all the way to Simbas because I kept thinking, well,
it's a yes until it's a no. And I'm like, no. And Jack, he was like, no, Renee, I did not mean
wait that long. I meant get past the first few dates, but I didn't mean wait till you start
talking about marriage to tell me you were never attracted to him or her. And we actually had to
travel one night, you guys, and we had to share the same bed. And it was way too easy to be
abstinent. You know, if you have to like share some space with somebody and it's way too easy
to be abstinent, that's kind of a red flag right there. I'm just saying. Okay. The other reason
when it's a no, it's a yes until it's a no. If you don't feel peace, this is a really big one,
you guys. If you are feeling constantly anxious and confused and chaotic, pay attention to that.
That is usually a no. You should not have to dissect every email, text, phone call that gets
sent to you guys. I've already told you this. I dated some dude and I had to like literally Google,
what does KK mean? Or what does K mean? And is that worse than okay? Like crazy making. If you
have to analyze the situation with the team of people and surgeons, then it's probably not clear.
God is the God of clarity, calm, and peace. And so if he or she's your person, you will feel peace,
you will feel calm, and you will feel clarity. So you're like, okay, but Jackie also says,
it doesn't have to be easy. It just has to be worth it. She didn't say it doesn't have to be
easy. It could also be abusive and controlling and unhealthy. That's not what she's saying.
And I took that statement the wrong way too. And I say with somebody too long who was kind of
abusive. And so you have to decide, is that anxiety coming from your trigger, which means
you have heart work to do, or is that your discernment? So you're like,
Okay, Renee, I don't have peace, but is that me?
Am I running too fast?
Is it my avoidant attachment?
Is it my anxious attachment?
So is it me and God's growing me, or is it them?
You know how you find out?
You ask your healthy friends to weigh in.
You ask them to pay attention to you on a date.
You ask them to watch you guys together.
Your healthy friends will notice,
and they will say, hmm, girl, that one was all you.
Like, he was fine, that was all you.
Like, you just got all bent out of shape about something.
So your girlfriends and your dude friends,
hopefully, will be honest with you.
So if you're not sure if it's your stuff,
and also put it in the thing here, you guys,
because sometimes, and by the way,
if you guys are gonna give us a snippet
of something a guy or girl says,
like, oh my gosh, look what he said, that was so offensive,
I want you to have the guts
to also share the entire conversation.
Because sometimes you guys will highlight one comment
a guy or girl will make in your response,
and you're so offended by this one comment,
but we have no idea the five or six things
that you said in front of that that brought on that text.
So if you want our advice,
be honest about the whole conversation.
I'm not saying you did something to deserve it,
but we might see where it could have gone awry,
and there might be a good learning opportunity.
So hopefully, that kind of helps you think,
is it a yes until it's a no?
I'm almost done.
This one's gonna be a really hard one to say,
because I know people listening to this
might feel offense to it.
Do not stay if you're afraid to be alone.
Do not stay if the only reason why you're saying
is because you don't wanna start over again.
I love you, but I promise you, the better is ahead.
And I can say that because that was me,
and I can say that because that was one of my best friends.
She stayed with this guy for a year and a half,
and he was good.
He was a good guy.
You guys, he was a nice guy.
Always supported my nonprofit.
He just doesn't wanna be married.
He's 60 and never been married.
Just doesn't ever wanna be married.
And you know what?
I would say he was filling her cup 70%.
Took her out on dates, traveled with her.
Good guy, good guy.
But he really didn't wanna get married.
And so if she was willing to accept 65 to 70%,
they could have stayed together.
I said, but is that all you want?
Do you want just 65%?
She's like, no, I want the full thing.
And I said, I get it.
Giving up the 65% is really hard
because you're going back to zero.
I get it.
So I don't say that easily.
I say that tenderly and with love.
But I promise you, the very next person
I dated after that person was Brian.
She is now dating somebody who's a widower.
He is marriage-minded.
He is pacing.
She's going like, oh my gosh,
it's like six months later.
She's like, oh my gosh,
I didn't know how easy something could be.
I didn't know how much peace I could get from somebody.
You were right.
I was only accepting the 65%.
So if you're listening to this in free play
or watching it live, please hear my heart.
I'm not trying to ask you to dump them,
but I'm gonna, and if you're like,
but Renee, but Renee,
then I'm gonna ask you to look really hard
for the next 30 days and listen to what they tell you.
Watch what they do.
And if you feel like there is zero growth
in this relationship in the next 30 days,
then you know your answer, okay?
All right, remember,
your mate comes with peace and clarity.
Your mate has a growth mindset.
Your mate is safe.
And your mate is supported by your friends.
I'm gonna say that again.
Your mate comes with peace and clarity.
Again, not easy.
I didn't say easy, but he gives you,
he or she gives you peace and clarity,
has a growth mindset and is safe
and is supported by your friends.
And I wanted to add the growth mindset
because somebody asked me a really good question.
And so I wanna clarify that.
If you meet somebody who's not in the same place as you,
whether it's fitness, faith, or finances,
and I said to you guys last month,
I said, well, give them a chance.
If you're at an eight over here and they're at a three,
that's okay.
But if two, three months later,
they're still at a three, that's a problem.
Like, especially if it's a thing that's so important to you.
So if your faith life is super important
and you're at an eight and they're staying at a three
and there's no growth, it's not that the three is bad,
the no growth is the bad.
Because if they're not gonna grow in that one area,
chances are they're not gonna grow in any area,
especially the hard areas.
Because now that I'm on the married side,
I promise you, there's a lot of hard.
And if they don't have a growth mindset,
it will impact the relationship in all of the other levels.
Okay, so that's everything I have.
So the next, so we're at the bottom of the hour, which is perfect, because what I wanted
to do, actually, I'm going to give it 10 or 15 minutes, and I'm going to answer any specific
questions you have about what I just said.
So I don't want your dating scenarios right now, unless it specifically kind of aligns
to this.
And then in the next, after 10 or 15 minutes, we're going to go into, I want some of you
to be brave, and you're going to read to us your preferred list versus your non-negotiable
for heaven.
And I'm going to critique that list for you, to help you see if it's too long, not long
enough, kind of thing.
So first, I'm going to say, is there any questions based on what I shared so far?
Hunter, what you got?
Well, you said something about this, if you see a piece of them in that person, then that's
their man.
I wrote in the comments, gee, I don't know how to come with peace.
Like sometimes I have conflicts in, but I don't bring it up because I don't want them
to be in that problem.
If this person makes me peaceful, or do I have to step up?
Great.
I'm sorry, so what's the question?
You don't know what peace feels like?
Yeah, I don't know how, if they don't see that piece in me, do I just write them off
saying they're not my one?
The piece has nothing to do with how they see you.
I will say this, you need to make sure you feel peace.
You're responsible to make sure you feel peace.
If you don't feel peace and you've given it all your shot, then you need to step out.
You don't know that they don't feel peace.
And if they don't feel peace, I mean, it's a good conversation for you to have like,
hey, well, you're not feeling peaceful.
What do you think is about that?
Because they might not feel peace because of 500 other things going on in their life.
They may have just lost their job.
They may have had a fight with their ex.
They may have had a fight with their kids.
One of their family members just got diagnosed with cancer.
So we don't know what's causing somebody else's lack of peace.
So you don't want to assume it's you.
So when I brought that up, I'm really trying to give you a test for where you're at, because
I can't counsel a person that's not here.
So whoever it is that you might be dating, I can't help that person, but I can help you.
I want to make sure you feel peace.
Like, for example, I just I just think about what's good when I deliver, I just do stuff
what's going on in my head and and I appear peaceful on the outside.
But some things on the inside as well, but not spread.
It can be a different story on the inside.
Inside for them or inside for you?
For me.
Well, I mean, that's the thing, Hunter, like you've got to you've got to go to God if you
have to go to the Holy Spirit and find out why you're not feeling peace.
I mean, like I said, it could have nothing to do with the person you're dating.
It could be something else going on in your life.
So you kind of here's how you'll know it's about the person.
Like I know as stressed as I would be about a lot of things and I can get I can get myself
in a tizzy about a lot of things, sadly still.
And I know whenever I talked to Brian, he calmed me.
I felt less anxious in his presence.
That's how I knew he wasn't the cause of my lack of peace, Marilyn.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Mark Marley, Marley.
I'm so sorry.
I don't know why I see my vision shot tonight, Marley.
Hi.
No problem.
So I just want to go back to what you were saying, drop dropping the hanky without leaving.
So I just want to hear your opinion on this.
I went ahead and said, so we had a bit less than a week of texting and we had a first
video date and I went ahead and said, shall we schedule another video date or a conversation
in person?
So was that leading or I will say it's OK.
Did he say he wanted to see you again?
Yes.
OK, perfect.
So I would say I wouldn't do it again.
So you want him to pick up the pace.
I think it's fine that you did it, but next time, see what he does with it.
OK.
Yeah.
OK.
But because I didn't really, I didn't really like the response.
The response was sure, I didn't like it.
So here's what I would do is sure.
I would do nothing with that then.
So you're done communicate with him until he initiates something else.
OK, great.
Thank you.
And that's how you kind of put the ball back in his court.
OK, thank you.
You bet.
Joanne.
Yeah, my question is related to like, oh, wow, my screen is terribly blurry.
Fail on the online dating video chats.
So.
It was more about, you know, when you do like a video call or a phone call initially with
somebody like online and you know, oftentimes I don't necessarily enjoy, I mean being honest,
I don't necessarily enjoy my conversation right off the bat with them, but I've learned
that sometimes it takes a few meetings before you really get to know the person.
Yeah.
What are some things that you suggest?
And one of the reasons, cause it's just like conversational chemistry.
I know guys tend to, can kind of lead the conversation a lot and they want, I think
they want me to feel comfortable or maybe something like that.
So they just keep filling up the space and sharing a lot, but it starts making me feel
really like small and like, yeah.
So usually what I try to do, if it seems like they don't know how to do it well, I have
a few questions ready that I think are fun.
If you guys remember, go back and watch a lot of the single spotlights I've done in
the last six months.
I ask a lot of really fun questions.
I would have those in your back pocket ready to go.
And the next time you do a call, you can, this might sound like leading, but you can
say like, Hey, I know sometimes that video calls can get really like, they can feel like
we're just giving each other a resume or somebody does all the talking.
You know, I have a bunch of really fun, silly questions.
If you're open to it, I would love to throw them out.
You answer it.
Then I'll answer it.
Then you answer it.
Then I'll answer it.
And you just, I'll just, if you don't mind, I can leave with that for the first 15 minutes.
And then you can take the, you know, the rest of the conversation where you want it to go.
So this way you kind of set the tone of how to ping pong cute, fun answers back and forth.
So that might be a way for you to try to do that.
Just to say, you know, like, Hey, I want to make sure we both get a chance to talk.
You know, let's just keep it fun, silly questions.
So I would say have those questions right in your back pocket and be willing to say
like, Hey, I've just, you know, I've just learned, especially in the video call, I know
it could be really awkward.
It really works if we keep our answers kind of simple for this call and just ask some
kind of fun questions.
We can just kind of go back and forth.
If we want to get together, you know, in person after this, I'm sure there's plenty of time
for us to, you know, go deeper with questions.
That would be my suggestion.
I will say I have found that the guys that were more guys I wanted to date those video
calls usually go better.
Like I've not had anybody suck at a video date that turned into a great first date.
Not me, but that can happen.
Some people might hate video dates.
I do kind of think if you have good chemistry, so to speak, I think that you can get through
even an awkward thing.
Is it happening all the time for you?
Um, it happens quite often, but I noticed that like, um, I'll, I'll give grace and I'll
give it some time.
And after I give it some time, the guy's actually better.
So I'm like, uh, and I sometimes do share like, Oh, I would really appreciate asking
me questions.
Is there anything you want to know?
And they do shift.
So that's why sometimes I kind of I'm conflicted whether I should say something like that
because I want them to be in them true self.
I don't want to like make them a certain person, but yeah, I think that's why I'm like, do
to what to, to where would it be where I'm like, Oh, this keeps happening and I, I, yeah.
So I'm going to, so, um, and I can tell you this and you guys, I can tell just by how
you guys show up on camera with me, like sometimes, um, just by your smile or your look or your
tone and inflection.
Sometimes you come off with a lot of fun energy and sometimes you come off reserved and you
probably don't mean to.
So Joanne, if you don't mind me saying you are beautiful, but you kind of in presenting
for me a calmer, like more internal energy seat, look at that's the first time you smiled
at me.
I don't like being on video with all these.
Okay.
So do you notice that though?
Do you guys notice how the room changed the minute she smiled?
Okay.
So you started the call with me super serious.
So the energy I felt like I needed to do to match that was be serious with you.
But as soon as you laughed and smiled, I wanted to laugh and smile with you.
So that you guys, and some of you do that, like you come in with like energy and I'm
like, and like, I just want to like get a blanket and come on down.
So that smile you got girl.
That's why you needed to start with the fun, silly questions, because I want to make sure
you find a way to laugh in the first minute and a half that you're on that video call.
And I promise you, it will change the energy on those phone calls, those video calls.
I promise you it will.
How many agree with me, right?
Is she not a completely, everyone's nodding their head.
You look so fun right now.
Okay, can I share something like a follow up?
Because I mean, I've gone on a phone
and then I'm like totally like this, my natural bubbly self.
And then I got on like a video
and it's not what I thought it'd be.
You know, maybe I don't feel the same attraction
and then like the energy shifts.
So what do you feel about that?
So that's the thing.
I want you guys to practice
bringing the energy no matter what they look like.
You like, would you not guess that I am the same person
no matter who shows up on a video call, right?
Like enough of you have been on enough videos with me.
You know, I bring like kind of like the same energy
whether y'all are duds or not.
I mean, and so you can bring the energy girls.
See, now that I've seen it, I know it's in you.
And so that's why you're gonna be like,
and you're gonna start off, you're gonna be like, okay.
I know that, and you can even goof on yourself.
Like, okay, I know, I love to be super fun in person
but I don't know what happens to me
on these first video calls.
I know I can seem too business-like.
So I have like a three opening, you know
icebreaker questions that are silly.
Do you mind if we just start with those?
Like A, it's a little self-deprecating.
You're being self-aware
and you're kind of owning something about yourself.
And so it's gonna like, it's gonna relax them.
They're gonna be like, oh my gosh,
she totally realizes that she's uncomfortable with this too.
And it's okay to be uncomfortable.
And she's realizing she wants to ask
a few icebreaker questions.
So that's gonna be my challenge to you
is start throwing it and just say it right up front
but you say it with confidence.
Like, you know what?
I am such a fun person in real life
but I realized that, you know,
but when I show up on videos
I just don't know how to be that person.
So I've got like three silly icebreaker questions.
Do you mind if we start out with that?
They will probably relax and laugh with you.
And then you're both gonna relax.
You're gonna ask a few silly questions
and they still might not be your person, Joy.
They still might not be.
And you still might wanna get off the call
in 20 minutes flat
but you will practice showing up a little
with a different posture.
Okay.
And I will say that you guys,
if you ask me questions tonight
I'm gonna take a look at what you're wearing.
I'm gonna take a look at your background
and I'm gonna be honest.
Like I was with Joanne,
you were so brave to let me do that.
Thank you.
You were the first person
that I actually had the guts to do that with.
Cause sometimes I wanted to tell some of you like, okay
you got like resting bitch face on right now.
And that's why you're not getting a second video date.
I didn't have the guts to say it
but yours was, I just needed you to smile.
I love to smile and laugh.
Actually, it's what I like.
See, and no, I'm-
I remember being on here with like 80 people
and then my camera was smudged
and I realized, oh my gosh, my background's crazy.
I wasn't prepared for this.
It made you so endearing to me.
And actually I think your background's perfect.
I think, I think you have enough light on your face.
The blue on your top, perfection.
Your hair looks adorable.
I mean, I wouldn't change anything else.
Just find something silly to make yourself laugh
and right in the beginning.
And that's gonna just change the atmosphere
in your conversations.
Okay, thank you.
You bet.
All right, now that you know I'm gonna do that
who wants to go next?
Okay, so now we're at the quarter of Mark
and it's time for you to share your lists with me.
Your non-negotiables from heaven and your preferred.
And I'm gonna do them.
Janie, what you got?
Janie Harris.
Hello.
Hey.
Okay, my non-negotiables from heaven.
By the way, first let me say you, you look beautiful.
Thank you.
And you're smiling.
So I already wanna engage with you.
Good job.
Thank you.
So my non-negotiable, someone who's actively using drugs
or over and over with alcohol.
Okay, so let's say those from a positive.
So your non-negotiable would be,
I want someone who is clean from addiction.
Okay.
So let's put it into the universe on the positive.
Okay.
I want someone who is clean from addiction,
drug addiction and someone who is not heavily indulging
in alcohol.
This one I think, I don't know how to think about this one.
Okay, so I come from a Baptist background
and the church is like, I don't wanna help.
I don't wanna offend anybody, but church of God and Christ
and those other churches, those denominations
are not the style of church that I would care to.
Is it the worship style
or is it what they believe doctrinally?
It's both. Okay. So here's what I want you to think about. I want you to spin your non-negotiable
list in what you're looking for that is non-negotiable. I need somebody who believes
in equal authority of the Trinity. I need to be with somebody who doesn't mind speaking in tongues.
I need to be with somebody who believes in a water baptism. Whatever it is that you need,
I think there's something about saying, I don't want this, I don't want this, I don't want this.
That is a different connotation than I need, I want this, I want this. So for you,
the doctrine thing is a real thing, you guys. So if you guys believe differently about the
Holy Spirit, if you believe differently about that, and that's, I mean, I can understand that.
Now, so I understand that. And so I think that's a fair, I think that's a fair thing,
especially if that's like not something you're willing to negotiate. So what is it about the
worship style? Because as you said, doctrine, and what was the other one? Like what's your concern?
Worship style and then belief. So from my background, I know that like a church of God in
Christ, the women have to cover their head and they wear long dresses everywhere. And that's not
my style, right? And so I know that the men, because I bet I have a lot of-
See, I would actually say that that's more than a style. You might not call it a doctrinal belief,
but it kind of is. You know what I'm saying? It's a take on scripture. So you might be like,
hey, I'm an egalitarian, not a complementarian. I think that's a fair, and for those of you that
don't know, an egalitarian believes in equal role and ability for men and women. I'm sorry,
I met a seminary conference this week. Thank you for breaking it down because I didn't know. I was
writing that down like, whoa. So egalitarian means that we believe that we are equally gifted
and that whatever your gifting is, that you should be able to serve in the church based on your gift
and not your gender. A complementarian believes that there are certain gifts for men, certain
gifts for women, and certain roles for men and certain roles for women. And here's the thing,
we're not going to debate that here, you guys. I go to a seminary that actually I have professors
that are on a continuum of that belief. So it really has to do with how you exegete certain
scripture, especially scripture that Paul said. And so it's like, that's not something that is
going to be a salvation issue, but it might be a preference issue. Like now that I've been
in seminary, I'm not going to attend a church that wouldn't allow me in leadership. And so I
wouldn't want to marry somebody who wasn't supportive of me being in some kind of leadership
position. So, so far what you're asking for is totally appropriate. I just want you to spin it
in the positive so you actually draw that to you and not the negative. Okay. Anything else on that
list? Yes. I'm highly allergic to animals. Okay. That's fair. That's fair. That's fair.
And then the last one was, I kind of like the match energy. If I see someone that's,
I know I like to dress business casual. If I see someone in all their photos
and they're flashy and everything is a designer, you know, and they wearing all designer clothes
or designer shoes and designer belt, I'm like, that's a bit much for me. It might be. Don't
assume that though from their photos, that that's how they are in everyday life. They may be trying
really hard to impress you. Like, all right, I need to make sure that my dating profile
like stands out. And so I did a photo shoot with my friend and, or I put on my best outfits
and they might think that's, what's winning you over. So I would say, don't assume just by their
profile photo that that's true. You would figure that out by the first date. Cause I will say
somebody who's flashy like that, it comes out in their speech and you will, you will tap into that
super fast. So I would say, cause what you're really looking at, it's not the clothing. It's
the attitude that goes with it. Like when I think about that flashy person, they are somebody who's
always trying to be better than, compete with people. They think what looks, what's on the
outside matters more than what's on the inside. So that starts to become more of a character
nod than just a physical presence. So I would say, don't assume by the pictures,
but if you've gone on three or four dates and it's only always expensive restaurants,
it's always those kinds of outfits. It's going to eke out of them in every, in every manner of
speech, they can't help themselves. So give it a chance best past pictures, but pay attention to
that because what you're really looking.
for his authenticity, and that's an okay non-negotiable.
All right.
Okay, that's it.
Good stuff, you guys.
Okay, Denise, you have to get off the mute, girl.
I got it.
There were people before me.
I got frazzled.
Well, you know what?
Marlee already went and Hunter's already gone.
So I will call on them again,
but I'm trying to give everybody a chance tonight.
I want to make sure I tap on different people.
Gotcha.
I'm ready now.
Okay.
So I have for my non-negotiables.
Leave your, I'm sorry.
I just got, Karen, leave the crown at home.
Y'all, one of my board members was literally Miss America.
I mean, I swear to God, I put that crown,
she had it in her house.
She had a whole shrine room in her house,
which I was not surprised.
And that crown is freaking heavy.
I'm not gonna lie.
It's like kind of heavy, but I digress.
All right, Denise, we're back to you.
Where'd you go?
I lost you.
Okay, there you are.
That's okay.
They lowered my hand, so it's all right.
So for my non-negotiables,
God has to be the Lord of their life, not just like saved.
Okay, stop.
What does that mean to you?
That means complete surrender to what the Lord tells them
that he wants to do with their life.
Okay, and how would that show up in the first two weeks
of you getting to know them?
That would show up as in,
I believe in God and I've asked him into my heart.
So in the two, in the first two weeks,
you're not gonna get that.
Okay, so what if in the first week
of you getting to know somebody,
they don't give you that answer right away?
Because they're not used to it.
If they don't bring it up,
I would go until I got that answer.
In the first week?
No, no, no.
I wouldn't press it until I got the answer.
I would continue dating them until I got the answer.
Okay.
Yeah, I don't press anything.
Because that's a, guys,
making sure that somebody is Lord of your life,
you actually have to see their life to know that.
Like, because if you talk to them in the first two weeks,
they can tell you all they want.
So that's a good deal breaker, Lord over their life,
but you're gonna have to see them for a few weeks
to actually see if that's true.
And that's a, in my opinion,
that's more of a C than a Tau, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah.
And then another one for non-negotiable
is growth mindset.
Yeah.
And then the other one is their integrity and character,
as in he keeps his word and he does what he says.
Yeah.
And then, in the long run, be my best friend.
For me, I just, I love a relationship
that they're a best friend.
Those are all great non-negotiables.
Those are all ones that would take almost
at least a month for you to uncover.
And that's what I do.
Honestly, I've dated two or three guys
for at least six or seven weeks.
Okay.
I get those answers and or they're not it
and I cut it off earlier or we just organically separate.
Perfect.
Okay, so tell me something.
Is there anybody that you've dated
that had a good relationship with their faith
but they still, like, what would be a sign for you?
How would you notice if somebody had a faith in God
but not Lord of their life?
How would you know?
How would you see that play out?
Some types of way I look for it is in their conversation.
So how they speak about God is one major thing.
And then if they're like,
well, I believe in God and I love God and I go to church
but I'll have sex before marriage or I don't tithe
or those are big red flags that go against
him being Lord of your life, in my opinion.
So those are kind of flags of way I can tell.
Yeah.
There are plenty of people, be careful on that
because there are plenty of people
who feel like the Lord is over them
but they're not tithing 10%.
Tithing is a really tricky one.
People are in different financial positions.
People have been taught different things.
People might have church hurt about tithing.
They may have seen churches misuse funding.
And so what you're looking for is generosity.
And so you wanna see if they have a generous spirit.
So they may not tithe 10% to a church
but they like are the most generous human being
and you might need to be the one to help them grow
in trusting a church to get that 10% to a church.
So I'd be careful on that.
The sex one also does not, I would not assume
that just because they wanna have sex before marriage
does not mean that they don't have Lord over their life.
It also could be a stronghold.
Brennan Manning, how many,
Jackie just talked about Brennan Manning.
He's one of my heroes, life of the beloved.
Brennan Manning was an alcoholic.
And as far as I know, until the day he died,
he had good days and he even had some bad days still
with his alcohol addiction.
And so I would argue 1000% that Brennan Manning.
Had the Lord over his life, but he did not have mastery over that addiction
And so I just wanted so I actually think that the no sex before marriage our church culture
Has really tolerated a lot of sex before marriage without saying it
We say a lot in a church about no homosexuality
But we don't say enough about sex outside of marriage, especially once people are over 32 years old, especially if they're divorced
I never hear a Sunday sermon about that. So what do you think about that? I'm a little confused
So I guess what I'm saying is I think that there are people
That have made the there are people for all of us. We make the Lord we make Jesus our Lord and Savior
But we are being transformed every day
So if you have an area of your past whether it was tithing whether it was sex
Whether it was eating too much food and gluttony whether it was spending too much money
Just because you've made the look God the Lord of your life
Doesn't mean those strongholds have completely gone out of your system. Some of us don't get healed immediately
Some of us it is going to be a growing thing
And so I don't think I don't I wouldn't want us to define
When you have the Lord over your life, you've nipped every stronghold
That's not what I mean
You know, that's not what I mean. Okay, so that's I'm not saying it just for you
But I'm saying it for the audience here because there are 90 people on this call and other people are gonna watch it and playback
I just want to make sure
Like I gave my heart I gave my heart to Jesus at 18 years old and I was on fire for the Lord
But I promise and I don't say this
proudly
But I continued to have sex outside of marriage for another decade
It took a bit for God to really convict me of that
Like that one didn't come immediately plenty of other things did come immediately that one did it
So but I'm glad you said it because I wanted to make sure all being clear here because the sex thing comes up a lot
You guys like it. You're not gonna always find somebody who says oh my gosh. I agree with you
I don't have sex before marriage. You might get somebody who goes. Oh, you know what? You're right
We shouldn't be having sex before we get married that needs to be a priority, right?
You know I'm saying like so they're not they they they're right in front of you. They're having that healthy conviction
Of course, but that's what I mean
They're like the two of the guys that I've dated they've said Denise you're right and I agree with you and I have to work
On that and I would never cut them off just because they're still working on something, right?
But as long as we agree that that's a sin, you know, if they're trying to justify it, that's what I know, right?
Sure. Okay. I'm your person. I'm at hundred percent. So then I'm glad we clarified that though. That was good. Great. Keep going
Okay
so then that's a part of my non-negotiable like I won't bend but then my nice-to-haves are like
Financially stable because I'm like 52 and I work really hard to get to where I'm at
And I don't want to bring somebody up again. I've done it before. I'm the one who sees the potential explain it to me
I think that's a fair one. Okay, never mind. I almost feel like to me. That's a that's a strong
preference for me
Especially the older you get I know Jackie gives the story about how David went through bankruptcy
They were in their mid-30s when they met that is very different than when you meet somebody who's 60
Who's only got like five good years left before retirement if they tell you they're in bankruptcy court
You don't have a lot of time to fix that. So I'm feeling your sister
And then the other two are like between five, you know, eleven and six to whatever how tall are you Denise?
Five five don't worry about it. It's
Five and you need your guy to be five eleven
Okay, save those men for the other women on this call that are already five nine and five ten
Okay, you are five five. He needs to be
There is a five strong personality, okay, I'm like mighty mighty mouse in a little five five five I
understand I
Understand but you do guys realize remember the national average is that men are five nine. That's it. I
Mean, I'm four eleven and you might think you're mighty but Denise
I'm a spitfire right and I'm only four eleven. My poor husband's like he said he's five nine. He's five eight at best
And I promise you he's strong enough for me
So that one I'm gonna be like girl if you dump a guy because of that what I'm gonna kick your butt
I'm just saying I was like if there's good chemistry, honestly, if he's five nine and we just click I wouldn't so okay
And then they all think it's my personal. Yeah, my personal preference is I just like darker
So I like dark skin dark eyes like dark features because I'm so light and you oh, I just attract
Like I'm attracted to what I'm not so that's just a preference that I feel like the
Those are two, those last two, those are preferences.
The financial one, I would have been willing for you
to move that over to the non-negotiable.
Those two preferences are preferences,
but you're not gonna say no to the right guy.
You all know she's gonna get married
to a blonde five foot seven guy, right?
We all know this is gonna happen.
I'll take bets.
I will take bets.
Okay.
That's fine.
That's it?
Yeah.
Okay, good job, girl.
Thank you for letting me do that with you.
Of course.
Okay, nobody else.
You guys, come on.
Marley, I'm gonna let you go then.
You got your list?
Yes, but in fact, I didn't raise my hand,
my virtual hand quickly enough.
What I first wanted to do was to ask you for your feedback
on my background and how I present.
That was the first thing.
Oh, okay.
Well, we'll tell you.
Okay, so is your background blurred right now?
Yes, it is.
Okay, you guys, I actually, this is a Rene Rizzo thing.
Rene Rizzo Divorce.
I gotta get used to saying my last name.
It's been six months, I still can't do it.
I'm not a fan of blur of the background.
I know some people are, but I'm not.
I feel like I wanna go,
because Denise's background's blurred.
This is me.
I'm going, A, I already have a bad eye problem.
So the blurring actually makes it hard
for me to focus on your face.
Like, see, now I love your background.
The other thing is, I always wonder what you're hiding.
That's me.
I grew up with childhood trauma.
So if you have your background blurred,
like Ken's got his background blurred,
I'm like, what dead body is behind him
that he doesn't want me to see?
So that's where I go.
I go to the bad place, but that's a Rene thing.
And so I would say, like Hunter's background,
I would say it's too yellow.
It needs more life.
It's too yellow,
because you know it's matching his skin color,
and like in his shirt,
like it's making it look super washed out.
You also notice I got on the call
facing the beautiful light.
It is now dark, but here, I mean,
I always say this to you guys,
see how like I look like I have got no lines and wrinkles?
You can see my face, it pops out.
And then you just take your computer
and you start to walk around the room.
Actually, there's a lot of light in this kitchen,
so it's a little bit hard.
But do you see how all of a sudden the date changes?
Like, isn't it going to be much harder
for you to focus on me if I'm sitting right here?
It really changes the game.
So you want to come into the light.
And so you do that.
Take your computer and find good places.
Like, oh, I look good there.
I look good there.
Now, if you have a dirty kitchen, don't go there.
You know what I mean?
It's like, find a spot that you've got a good background.
So where'd you go, Marley?
Where'd you go?
I'm right here, I'm right here, I'm right here.
Keep talking.
I lost you.
Oh, there you are.
Thank you.
Okay, did you move?
Because you have much better light on your face right now.
I just turned the computer a little bit.
Okay, ladies and gents,
did you see how that little bit of a shift?
Hold on.
Like, somehow my flashlight just went on.
I don't know why.
Okay.
Like, all of a sudden I want to engage with you now.
It's like light and bright, beautiful.
Okay, perfect.
And I like your earrings.
And I like your lipstick, so you look good.
All right, so do you have your list ready now?
Thank you.
Okay, so the non-negotiables
are financially responsible,
non-smoker.
Well, I had written them before what you said,
but no drugs.
Health-conscious.
What does health-conscious mean to you?
Well, who realizes that our body is a temple
and who does not abuse anything,
like food, junk food, alcohol, sick, like that.
Yeah, okay.
So you do want somebody who 90% of the time
is eating food and drinking stuff
that is good for their body.
Yes.
Okay.
Yes.
That's fair.
Who has a relationship with Christ as well.
And I liked what you said earlier,
like clean from addiction.
And here I had...
And by the way, for those of you,
I know a lot of you put like clean from drugs,
alcohol and pornography.
Usually when people put that at the top of their list,
that usually tells me somebody in their past
had a drug addiction or an alcohol addiction.
So I will say this too,
I think all of us would want somebody
that's been in recovery for at least a year.
I mean, every 12-step meeting I know
says you should not be dating anybody
in your first year of sobriety.
You should not be dating anybody
in your first year of sobriety.
So I think it's important for you to say
one year sobriety.
I'm also willing to go the extra mile and say,
if for you, being around even somebody who's in recovery...
is just too much of a trigger, I'm okay that that's your deal breaker. If you were in a
marriage for 30 years and alcoholism was a thing that took it down and you're like, Renee,
I can't even date somebody who's been in recovery. Now, if they've been in recovery, say for
30 years and they haven't had a drink since they were 25 and they're now 55, that might
be okay. But I'm telling you, it is okay if you meet somebody who has only been in recovery
one or two years and that's your story. I'm okay if you say, you know what? It's just
too soon for me. Your recovery is just too new for me. And that's not a bad on you, but
that has to do with my safety. So I just wanted to speak to that. And I'm going to come back
to the sex thing because I just saw Stephanie's comment and I want to make sure y'all know
that I'm not condoning sex before marriage, but I'll sidebar that. Okay. Keep going on
your list. In terms of preferences, I don't have too many. I think it's mostly the non
negotiable. I don't have a type. I don't need to be physically attracted to the person.
I'm intellectually connected to the person as well. Somebody who presents himself well
and who has a good relationship with his family. So I don't have a lot of preferences. I'm
5'2", so he can be just a little bit taller than me and much taller than me and that would
work.
No, I think your list is fine. I think your list is fine. Another non-negotiable I had
you guys was I needed to be able to have brain sex. Like you called it intellectually stimulated.
I call it brain sex. I was talking about this with somebody. I like to swim in the deep
end of the swimming pool. I do. I like to have fun. I think I'm a fun gal, but I naturally
like deep theological, deep life, deep ethical, deep moral conversations. Like I like watching
movies that make your brain think. I like watching movies that make you think like,
oh my gosh, what would I do under that pressure? How would I become? So I would never be able
to marry somebody who didn't like to be a thinker with me because I would be constantly
begging for a heartfelt conversation from somebody who just doesn't ever want to go
there. Especially at my age of 58, if a guy that I was dating didn't like to have deep
conversations to think that he's going to suddenly change and become a deep thinker
is probably unrealistic.
And that's part of quality time, right?
Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, I just, I just, I just love, I love pulling out those really
hard kind of mind questions going like, oh my gosh, if you're an animal, what would
you be? And then why would you be that animal? What does that say about you? Like, I love
kind of doing that stuff. Okay. So I'm going to go to the next two folks, but I'm going
to jump back to Stephanie because, all right, here's the thing. And you just said here,
I'm confused how that's not a clear black white for a person profession to be a believer
of Jesus. I don't know. Here's what I would like to say. I don't know what, where everybody
some people in this community grew up in the church their whole life, and they really
didn't have strongholds. They didn't have a stronghold with sex or alcohol or drugs.
They had healthy parents that modeled what healthy marriage looked like. You may, if
I gave you an ACE score, the adverse childhood experiences score, you probably would score
maybe a zero one or two. And so for a lot of you, I really get how, for some of this,
what seems to be such clear biblical proof of what we should be doing. I get for some
of you how it seems impossible that somebody just wouldn't see the black and white of it.
Here's what I can tell you after being in ministry and running a nonprofit for 20 years,
some of us grew up with a lot more trauma. And what we thought was normal was unhealthy.
We didn't have the same safety. We didn't have the same boundaries. We didn't grow up
with the same right wrong. And so when you learn some of that, after you've done a lot
of things and you've learned a lot of behavior patterns, it's not that it's not black and
white to you. It's just that your whole paradigm has shifted. And so you accept Jesus in your
heart and you're a follower, but you're like, okay, but I still got to figure this out.
And then a lot of it is a culture issue. You guys, I can't tell you how many churches tolerate
that behavior. I mean, I've had pastors who are widowed, who've been inappropriate with
me, elders, deacons. And so the problem is how many pastors are falling like drop cakes
right now with sexual issues? We have people at the pulpit with 50,000 parishioners.
hurting and being inappropriate.
And so we have a culture where church culture
is not talking about it
and not saying that it's black and white.
And, or they're, it's like, well,
it's like the don't ask, don't tell thing.
And I remember I said that to my pastor
who'd been married for 35 years.
He's like, Renee, do you really deal
with a lot of Christian men
who want to have sex before marriage?
And I'm like, are you kidding?
Like, I could count on one hand
how many men didn't want to have sex before marriage.
And he was like, like you guys,
his whole, he's been married for 35 years.
He didn't know that was happening in the congregation.
So when he gave a sermon literally five days later
and the topic, somehow he managed to bring sex up.
And he goes, you guys, I just learned
some of you out there think it's okay
to have sex before marriage.
I just assumed you all knew it's in scripture.
And so Stephanie, like you,
like he just assumed everybody knew,
but if we're not teaching it and we're not,
and we don't have men holding men accountable
and women holding women accountable,
then we somehow convince ourself.
And here's what I try to do.
Like sex is an obvious one, right?
But you guys, God's also clear about slander
and God's clear about gossip.
God's clear about lying.
God is clear about idols.
He's clear about idols.
And I just finished an Old Testament class
all about the idols.
And we have to ask ourself, what if we made an idol?
What are we putting in front of God sometimes?
Like, and so I really, I don't ever wanna condone
someone else's behavior,
but when they seem adamant about it,
I try to take a check in my spirit going,
is there an area of my life that I have an idol?
That I, and somebody else might be going,
Renee, why on earth would you still be doing that?
You realize, and I would be like, oh my gosh,
I didn't realize that was an idol.
And so I'm not saying you keep dating somebody,
but I'm just, and I'm not saying
that you tolerate that behavior 100%.
If they wanna have sex before marriage,
they are not your person.
I'm not saying that.
I'm just saying it's really easy for us
to look at some things and go, how do they not know?
That's it's so crystal clear in the Bible.
I just know that we live in a fallen world
and some of us came to faith a lot later in life
and came up with a lot more brokenness.
And some of those things we're still working on.
That's why I wanted to send that.
Okay, is it Judy or Judy?
Remind me how to say your name.
It's Judy.
It is Judy.
Okay, you're just messing with me with the spelling.
And I think I did this the last time,
but it's been a while since we chatted.
Okay, Judy, all right.
A, green is perfect for you.
Stunning smile.
Light is on your face.
You're bringing good energy in.
I'm loving it.
Bringing you to that.
Thank you, thank you so much.
Okay, so my nine negotiables.
So the first one is they believe in sound doctrine.
Like in the, I think we talked about it already.
I had it on my list already.
Like believing in God the Father, the Son,
the Holy Spirit as equal, deity, three in one.
Someone who is open to traveling and adventure
and willing to travel to Africa.
So I'm actually from Kenya.
So I want someone who will accept me.
Amen, sister.
Yeah, man.
Like if he won't get on a plane and go see your homeland,
you've got a problem.
Yeah, he has to be open to coming to see my family
in Africa.
I'm the only one here, so.
That is fair.
Yeah.
And then someone who is authentic and walks the talk.
Who is honest and kind with his words and actions.
For me, I had financially mature.
I don't know.
Wait, I'm sorry.
Say that sentence again, that last one.
Financially mature.
Like financially responsible.
Like how do you say responsible?
Sorry, but, because yeah,
dated people who are not necessarily mature
with their finances.
Yeah.
And then someone who has a generous spirit
and someone who challenges me intellectually.
Yeah, I think that's the end of my list.
I think those are good ones.
I think that, and here's the thing,
as far as intellectual stimulation,
just realize there's gonna be some things
you might be smarter in than them,
and they might be smarter in than you,
but it's like, you wanna be able to have
good deep conversation with them.
Like, I'm pretty sure my brothers would be,
they would die to marry me.
Like, my brothers are like,
it's not just that they're blue collar,
because they're wonderful humans,
and they have raised great kids,
and they've let their wives stay home,
but their wives never had to work.
So they made plenty of good money.
But my brothers and my brother-in-law,
they're kind of like, they stay here at the surface.
Like, they just find me to be like,
oh my gosh, there's Renee going deep again.
And so.
We love those people, because there's plenty of women
that don't want to go deep either.
They kind of want to just have fun.
So it's not a bad thing.
I don't hear anything awful in your list.
Thank you.
You bet.
OK, Helen.
Where'd you go, Helen?
There you go.
Hi.
Can you see me OK?
Can you hear me OK?
I can see you, and I can hear you.
OK.
I have more to watch.
I can see your beautiful smile, even though you're
far away on your phone.
Keep going.
Let me do speakerphone.
That way you can hear me OK.
Just a second.
I can hear you great.
Oh, you can?
Perfect.
OK.
I have more of a question.
Is that OK?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
So on the financial thing, financial security,
like how much income is coming in and things like that,
for someone in their 50s, what do you think about, OK,
they don't make a whole lot.
I think you're looking for financial stability.
They have a good job.
They have income coming in.
They know how to save.
They know how to tithe.
They know how to pay off their credit card.
I think it is OK if you're making $150,000 a year
and he's making $60,000.
He might have picked a career that just pays crap,
but he is good with the money that he has.
That's what you want to be able to see.
This is how much money I make, and I can live off of that.
And it is possible.
Your job pays you more, and some men and women
might feel uncomfortable with that imbalance,
but you're looking for they know how to handle their income.
And that means, and it got, you know,
scripture says what you can do with a little,
you can do with a lot.
So you might go, but wait, I make this much money.
If he's already proven he can be stable with $50,000,
then he can be stable with $150,000.
So that's what I think we should be kind of looking for
is are they responsible?
Not how much they make.
Now, some of you, if you said to me,
well, Renee, I make this much money
and that's the kind of life I want,
and I want somebody who makes that with me,
I'd say that's a preference.
And you may not get that preference.
And are you willing to let go of your best friend
simply because you got a little, you know,
you got an advantage in your career and they, I don't know.
And it's, again, it's also different
if they've been throwing their life away.
Now, if they've been throwing their life away
and kind of be playing the Tom girl and the Tom boy,
you know, kind of flitting around,
and they're at an entry-level job at 58
because they've been kind of playing around with their life,
then that to me would show some irresponsibility,
but that's kind of different.
Does that answer your question on that?
Okay, keep going on your list.
So let's say they did do some crazy stuff in their life,
but now they're on the track to be like,
okay, I'm done with that life.
I'm going to grow in this area.
It may take some time.
That means you as the woman may have to be
the major breadwinner for a little while.
Do you give like a timeline?
Like, hey, the first year.
Are they, I still, I personally, at my age,
I would still want to know
that they can live off their paycheck.
I want to know that they can live off their paycheck
and take me out on a date.
And if that's only making $36,000 a year,
like I would not want to put myself in a position
where I'm having to carry him financially.
Yeah.
But that's me.
That's a preference.
For me, that's a preference.
I would not want to have to carry him financially.
Okay.
I don't care if he's like, Renee, I'm back at the bottom,
but as long as you can live off the bottom, I'm good.
Wherever that bottom is for you.
Okay.
That was my main question.
I have other questions, but I have to formulate them
in my head.
Are you sure?
Well, no other hands are raised, so you got the floor.
All right.
A spiritual thing, spiritual growth thing.
If they don't have a spiritual faith community in person,
one, that is, do attend church online,
but don't have an in-person faith community,
but want to find one in the area that they live,
would it be, and I'm the one who has one, let's say,
would it be out of line to say, hey, why don't you,
if it comes to that, if it comes to that,
why don't you move to where I live
because the faith community's solid here,
and then we can figure out if we ever want to move back
to where you're from at a point.
That's exactly what Brian did for me
because he was working like three different jobs.
He worked on Sunday.
He had no faith community and he was watching it online.
So I watched how he integrated with my faith community
and he absorbed into it and he loved it.
And now he's flourishing in it.
So back to that growth mindset, I saw growth.
Like now, I mean, I told you,
Brian went from being the frozen chosen to,
I saw him raise his hand in church last week.
I was like, what is going on?
And so like his faith just exploded
because I almost handed him a community.
Yeah.
And he just took it and ran and it became his own
as opposed to me dragging in places.
Yeah.
So I think that's okay
as long as you see them growing into that.
If you could tell they're just dragging along with you,
you'll notice that.
Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
Do you have another one or are you good?
Those are the two main ones that I was thinking that are,
how does that like roll out with time?
Yeah.
Months in that I am in.
So I'll come back with deeper questions
once maybe in the third month for sure.
Okay.
All right.
Thank you so much.
You bet.
It says iPhone, so I don't know your name.
So you're on, it looks like you're on your iPhone.
You've got a nice little,
you know who I'm talking about.
Tell me your name.
Hello, Renee.
How are you?
I need to be more,
I think, I feel like I need a little bit more one-on-one
to, I'm not even dating.
I'm not hardly getting.
I do one-on-one calls.
I do one-on-one, I get this.
I do love to do one-on-ones with people,
but if you have done a one-on-one with me, you know,
I'm not as harsh, not harsh.
Harsh is not the right word.
Jackie's pretty fine.
Maybe that's what I need.
I don't know.
I'm right under on the blunt.
Yeah.
Maybe that's what I need.
I don't know.
I'm also good.
I also give homework.
I also give homework and,
but what's your name?
That's fine.
Shanna.
Tell me your name, girl.
Shanna or Shanna?
Shanna, Shanna.
Okay.
Okay, Shanna, are you new to our program?
Have you been here a while?
I'm sorry, forgive me for asking.
Almost three years.
Okay, I thought so.
All right, I'm telling you guys,
my vision is really shot and you're on an iPhone.
Okay.
I don't know how to change that.
I don't know how to-
No, no, no, no, no, it's all good.
It's me.
It's a me thing.
I'm just tired.
I finished seminary this week.
I've been working on papers.
I have no sleep.
And so my vision's really gone.
Well, so you don't have a question for me right now.
You just don't want to ask in front of everybody.
I am trying to figure out exactly like,
like I'll get to talking to somebody.
We get to chatting or texting
and then maybe a phone call and then that's it.
Okay, so you don't get to a video.
You don't get to a video chat.
I don't even get, I haven't been on a date in probably a year.
I don't know, and I haven't changed jobs.
You look adorable.
So I have to say something funny to get you to laugh
because I want to see what it's like when you smile for me.
Let's see.
Okay, you're so cute.
All right, so tell me why you're going
from the texting to a phone call and not right to a video.
Let's start there.
Well, I live with my son
and I'm trying to get a minute by myself for one.
So how can you get on the phone?
How can you get on the phone?
Cause to me-
And also there, well, I mean, he's older,
but I mean, just to have,
we live in a very small apartment or very small housing.
I live in 500 square feet of space.
I understand.
Okay, so here's what I'm telling you.
You can go in the car, you can go in the bathroom.
You can go in the bathroom,
go in your stinking bathroom and put the ceiling
or put the fan on so it's like white noise
or put like the white noise machine outside the bathroom
and just have a really big shower curtain behind you.
And the person won't even know you're in the bathroom.
Yes, ma'am.
Okay, so I think you,
because here's the problem, you guys,
like we lose a lot of conversation.
Like if you are, well, actually, oh my gosh,
here's what I forgot to do tonight.
And it's 8.21, so I have to stop and tell you this.
So Shanna, this might help you.
I Googled things to do in Franklin,
events and single events.
I Googled some like, what can singles do
in Franklin, Tennessee, besides online dating?
Look at this whole page of stuff that Google taught me.
Active singles in Nashville.
And it gave me a whole bunch of stuff,
including monthly mega ball, picnics, pints and paws,
yoga, sunset socials, seriously searching.
Of course that was the meetup.
Franklin, 40s plus out and about.
A large active local group focused on social addings
for mature adults in the area.
615, Nashville dinner and friends for singles.
Focus on casual small group dinner experiences
in Franklin and Brentwood.
You guys, if you don't wanna do speed dating
and you don't want to like just do online dating,
they actually do things where they set you up
for dinner clubs with like five other strangers.
And it's so cool.
Atka dating, value-based.
Upcoming 2026 events, intelligent single.
Mixer, Single Spring Fling, National Single Mixer,
Speed Dating, Soar Adventures,
Volunteer Food Groups, Line Dancing.
Like literally, so you want it all.
So if you're like, so this will help you girl.
If you feel like the online dating
is not getting you to anything,
like Google events and adventures
and activities for singles in my area.
And that's another thing.
Go ahead.
I live in a town of 2,000.
And then to get a little bit bigger is an hour away.
To get a little bit bigger is two hours away.
There's not much.
So what is the biggest city near you?
What state are you in?
How far do you live?
I'm in Oklahoma.
Way down on the, yeah.
How far?
Not anywhere near Oklahoma City.
It's about three hours from Oklahoma City.
All right, well then you might need to do,
you might need to be able to,
you might have to do adventures
that's gonna get you in the car and drive a few hours.
That's like an all day fun activity.
You might have to do cruises.
You might have to look for,
when you're going online,
you might have to widen your search.
You might just have to go on some girls trips,
get some girlfriends and go someplace where a city is.
You might need to be willing to move.
And so those things might be working against you.
It is not impossible,
but it might be working against you just a little bit.
Yes, ma'am.
No, you got it, girl.
I'm too young for you to be calling me ma'am.
I know it's just how you were raised.
Okay, Kalandra.
And I'm gonna take Kalandra and Natasha,
and then we're gonna wrap up the night.
And let me just close that spam call.
Okay.
Hi.
My question is,
I'm trying to be more direct and upfront
and boundaries oriented.
And lately I've seen a gentleman twice,
but it's been like over four months
and we only live 30 minutes apart.
And even before our first meeting,
I confronted him because we had a phone call.
I said, okay, well, when are we meeting?
He's like, oh, I've just been busy.
I've been busy.
I called it off.
He apologized.
He's like, please give me a chance.
He came to see me.
He was really nice.
I saw him a second time,
but he did it again for another month and a half.
And I cut it off.
I said, listen, like, I appreciate you.
Like, I appreciate you, but I'm not interested.
I'm not on your marketing list.
I've had men fly me places
and I don't say that to be arrogant,
but when a man wants a woman, he makes effort.
And I gave him when I'm available.
Wait, Kalandra, is that what you said to him?
Yeah.
Okay, I'm gonna stop you for a second.
You should not be confronting a man
you've only been on a couple of dates with
and you don't need to be saying that.
So asking for what you need comes with confidence,
with confidence, soft, feminine energy and clarity.
You actually use the word confront.
So I promise you, when you come off with confront energy
to somebody that you don't know that well,
he's gonna back up.
So you don't have to confront anybody.
You're gonna say with clarity, like, hey, you know,
and don't throw the, this is what men used to do.
They used to fly me around first.
That just, it's obnoxious.
I can see that.
I just immediately got cringe.
Like, and I don't even go on the two dates with you.
And I know you're amazing.
And look at, you have this great smile.
So I don't want you to blow it for yourself.
Falling dirty.
You're gonna just say to somebody like,
hey, you know what?
It's really not that hard.
I wanna date somebody
who's got time, intention and purpose.
Yeah.
And if that's not you, that's okay.
That's what I'm looking for.
And if they say, give me another chance,
actually I already gave you one.
So it's a no for now.
And it's that simple.
So I think you can achieve the same thing
with that softer feminine energy.
Yeah.
So it doesn't sound like somebody
you need to give your time.
But my concern is if you take that energy
in any other dating capacity,
do you know what I mean?
You might scare off a really good guy.
Yeah.
So that lesson is not just for you.
It's for other people here on the call too,
because we could all be guilty of that.
And so you've got a beautiful smile.
Blue's a good color for you.
And work shirt.
It's a work out shirt.
Ask for what, it's back to ask for what you need.
Say it with confidence and say,
hey, it's okay if this isn't you.
If you don't have the time to date me right now, that's okay.
I want it.
I need to hold my time for people have time to date me.
Yeah.
That's fair.
Yeah.
I would have, I should have said that.
Well, it's okay.
When you know better, you do better.
Right.
Maya Angelou.
You know, when you know better, you do better.
And so I want to be nice, but, but good boundaries.
And I think I struggle.
It's just like too much versus too soft, like girl.
And I get it.
I think for all of us, we think boundary means like, like it, you can say, you can ask for
your boundary softly, but firmly, it doesn't need to be loud.
It doesn't need to be bold.
It doesn't need to be obnoxious and it doesn't need to be threatening.
My boundary is this, you know, I just don't do phone calls right away.
I just don't do, you know, I don't do sex before marriage.
I don't like to drink anymore.
That's just, that's my boundary.
Like I don't have to explain it.
You don't have to like it.
It's just kind of where I'm at.
You know, I need somebody who's got a faith with the Lord.
And so it, whatever those boundaries are.
So you're asking a really good question.
Cause I think we all feel like we need to defend our boundaries.
Like it's our life.
And it's like, it's not a war.
They're your boundary.
You own it.
You feel good about it.
And your answer is just no.
Well why?
Give me another chance.
Again, it's back to that.
Adults make statements.
Children explains.
Yeah.
So it's easy for us to start feeling like we need to explain ourselves.
Like we all fall back into it.
That's just my answer today.
Well, why?
And this is my answer today.
That's good.
That's just my answer today.
All right.
That's good.
I'm glad you asked me.
Natasha.
And by the way, I want to say Kalandra, once you, I bet you everybody can agree with me.
Once you laughed and you softened it, your whole energy on that call changed.
Everyone's nodding their head.
Your whole energy changed.
Like you kind of sounded a little bitchy in the front end.
I'm just going to, right.
And like, and then you just like, you just immediately softened.
So I know you have that soft energy and you guys, I'm just being blunt with some of you
tonight and I just love it because I'm watching real transformation because this is the thing
you guys are watching it happen.
You're like, wow, the energy does shift.
And think about it.
Your energy with us just shifted and there's like 73 people on the call right now and you're
in this tiny little box.
Could you imagine if you're in front of somebody, when you change that energy, what it'll do
on dates for you?
Awesome.
Okay.
Natasha, you're the last one.
Hi Renee.
How are you?
You good.
I'm good.
Good.
Okay.
So I know what my non-negotiables are.
I think I know what my non-negotiables are, which is I want someone who's spiritual.
I want someone who can intellectually stimulate me.
Yeah, because I mean, I'm analytical, I'm a clinical psychologist, I analyze everything.
But yeah, so, you know, having been practicing being in my, you know, kind of like that feminine
confidence and just being in my energy because I do think that I can be a force to be reckoned
with.
And I'm trying to kind of like, you know, be subtle around that.
But what I'm finding is like, I went to a singles event last week, for example, it was
Bingo Inventor.
And you know, so it's the mingling bit of it, you're walking around the room, you had
your bingo thing, and you had to just speak to a bunch of different strangers to try to
fill in your thing.
And I was able to do that quite well.
But it's very interesting, because once that was done, I went with two of my other girlfriends.
And once that was done, we're looking really cute.
We're standing there, you know, looking, smiling, you know, looking all presentable.
But it's interesting that we didn't have anyone, any guys come up to talk to us.
The guys that came up to talk to us were other guys that we've been on other single events
with, and we've been friends by then.
So we're all sitting there talking.
So it's just...
Okay, so you want to tell me?
So I'm going to tell you what energy you're giving me, girl.
Okay.
So you're super smart.
Denise is like center stage on my screen today.
Okay, so you're super smart, and you got this really cool accent, I've got to really pay
attention to you.
So I'm going to ask you to soften that with either your clothing or your hair.
Yeah.
Like, take your hair down, and or have more of a vibrant shirt on.
You want to make...
So guys still want fun.
They want smart, but they also want fun.
Remember like Jackie gave that divine feminine and masculinist?
The number one thing men want, well, it's up there in the top five, is they want fun.
They want to have fun with you.
So you look like a smart badass.
And so I'd be afraid to come talk to you.
You would just...
I'm a sociologist, and I'm like, well, fine, but I'm not wearing like...
Okay.
Do you have a top on underneath that jacket?
Oh my gosh, okay, now we're talking.
And you got a little bosom there.
Okay, now we're talking.
Now you just softened up the frame just a little bit.
Okay, now I wanna come up and talk to you, girlfriend.
See, okay, so when you go be smart, take off that blazer
because your smart's already gonna be oozing out of you.
So if you're stupid, put the blazer on,
so you'll look smarter.
So-
I try wearing dresses more, so I wear dresses more.
I look feminine, make myself look feminine
because my hair is short, so.
Okay, exactly, so here's the thing.
You present like a doctorate professor,
like that's your presentation.
So you can't just wear a dress.
You have to almost wear the dress that you got at Target,
like something that's fun and flirty,
not like a dress you got at Talbot's.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, and look at, you're laughing now.
Y'all, was she laughing like that
at the beginning of the call?
No, she just looked smart.
She just looked smart.
You see, we got you laughing.
Do you guys, I mean, I know we're kind of laughing,
but do you see how the energy kind of really shifts?
Now I wanna come talk to you.
So do that.
Hold.
Do that.
Don't be afraid to have silly in your smart.
Let the silly go into your smart.
I love it.
And I'm like that,
because people actually find me quite funny,
because on one of the, on the same night,
I spoke to this guy and he actually said to me,
you know, we spoke twice and I cracked a joke about,
he said, I was like, oh, on the finger card,
I said to him, oh, did you run?
And then he's like, do I look like I run?
Then I looked at him, I'm like, no,
but you look like you go to the gym.
And we had a bit of a laugh.
So later on, I saw him, I'm like,
I see you running around.
He's like, he laughed with me and he says,
you're so funny.
I'm like, bang.
And then he gave me a cheers and then you walked away.
You know, so I can have that banter.
I know that I can.
But yeah, you can.
You pulled it out in less than 30,
you pulled it out in less than 30 seconds.
You pulled it, you pulled it out with us really fast.
So you just wanna make sure
when you're in those environments,
y'all aren't staying in your head.
And so now I wanna come hang out with you guys.
This was so much fun tonight.
We went seven minutes over, don't kill me.
All right, I'm gonna close this out in prayer.
I hope that you all had fun.
I promise next month,
we're always gonna bring the fun in the fire.
And if you're asking stupid questions in the Facebook feed,
I'm gonna pay attention and write it down
and we're gonna cover it.
I'm kidding, there's no stupid questions.
And I'm glad that you guys are asking the questions
because I'd rather you ask questions,
even if they seem like, oh my gosh,
why are they asking that question still?
I'd rather you do that so we can keep underscoring
what health looks like.
All right, Father God,
we just thank you so much for this time together.
We are so grateful that you love us.
You love all your sons and daughters
and that you have a perfect person.
That's not perfect, but perfect for us.
And so Father God, we hand you all of our non-negotiables
and we just say, Father God, just present that person to us.
And Father God, in any area of our life that we need growth,
in any area that we need to release,
that we just go ahead and do that.
And in any area that people are stuck,
Father God, I want breakthrough.
I'm just feeling that word breakthrough.
There are people in this call that need breakthrough
in a couple of areas of their life, including dating.
So Father God, I want you to bring the divine thing
that's gonna give the breakthrough that they need.
We lift all of this up in the precious name of Jesus.
And I'm sorry, my S's and my N's aren't coming out tonight.
I already warned you,
I can't talk with this damn thing in my mouth.
All right, I love you guys so much.
See you soon.