Welcome, everybody. It is May. May the 4th be with you today. May the 4th be with you
today. I'm excited to see you guys. I feel like I get to see you like once a month. So
I want to hear, give me a high low. Brian and I do this a lot. Give me your high and
a low. High low. You know what I mean by that? Like something that's really good and something
that's not so good that's going on in your life. It could have nothing to do with dating
or it could have to do with dating. David, since you're my upper left corner, I'm going
to let you start.
All right. I guess a low was I went through a kind of a brief course in attachment with
an attachment coach, but they're just trying something out new and they got a lot of feedback
that was similar to mine. But it was kind of frustrating because I was hoping to at
least get 50% through it and maybe got 20% through it. And a high is yesterday at the
revelation that I was conflating not having interest in relationship with what it actually
was, was not having interest in relating the way I used to, which was codependent and enmeshment
and that's two totally different things. So I'm definitely not any place I've ever been before.
I always kept beating myself up for the past several months saying, I used to be interested
in finding somebody about a seven out of 10 and it's been stuck at a three forever. But yeah,
but I'm realizing- Do you think you're ready for a secure attachment maybe now?
Well, I'm moving towards it. I'm kind of right in the middle of a lot of heavy
attachment work with that attachment coach. So yeah.
Okay. Sounds good. All right. Abram, how about you, man? High, low?
So a high is I have a date lined up with a lady and I'm looking forward to it. She is local,
she is Catholic, and she knows the names of different priests and deacons at all the
churches, which is pretty cool. So she's super familiar. So that's happening today, actually.
I'm going to go. A low is I still got some issues- Wait, wait. We're having the date tonight?
Yeah. What time? It's at seven.
Oh, wait. Where are you? It's five o'clock for me right now, like PM.
I'm on the West Coast. I'm West Coaster, like Mike.
That's right. I was like, dude, get the heck out. Okay.
Yeah, no, I got time. How did you meet her?
Off of a dating site and an app. And I just immediately linked her my
social media to make sure she's real. And she requested immediately. And then I,
a couple of deal breaking questions like, do you want kids?
Okay. You guys hit some hard questions.
Yeah. I mean, I think for me, if you don't want kids, there's no point. So
I go like light deal breakers, like do you want kids? Are you a crazy left feminist lady? She's
not, which is nice. Hopefully you did not ask it that way,
but okay. No, I mean, I had my words, but basically people get the hint of what kind of,
what, you know, are you a crazy lefty? So she's not. So that's cool.
I'm excited. We are excited for you. Yeah, me too. I'm super excited. Negative
right now is just my elbow. It's called ulnar nerve subluxation. So you guys might even be
able to see it pop over, but I got some rubber banding in here and I'm going to go see the
surgeon. Oh, you might even be able to kind of, yeah, anyways, just, just stuff from the break
and trying to get tuned up. And so, yeah, that's not like a negative, really just kind of like
sucking up buttercup stuff, but I still think there's hopefully some room for improvement,
for longevity. And if not, you know, it's just going to be what it is. So it's all good.
That's awesome. I'm excited for your date though. I'm sorry about the injury.
Michael, hi-lo. Hello, how are you? I'm good. So
hi, I don't know, my son got a job today. That was good. Wait, say that again?
My son got a job today and he's been super depressed and stuff.
with his mom. And so that's super amazing. So I guess that's my high because I've been
waiting. How old is your son? 22. Mike, you do not seem old enough to have a 22 year old son.
I know I have a 22 and I'm almost 18 year old. Yeah. So and so that's why I have facial hair
because 20 year olds are hitting on me when I don't have it. Plus, I don't I can't I have to
do this. So so Lowe's, I mean, there's a bunch. But I'm just in a transition season. It seems to
be moving. So that's good. You know, Abram, the Catholic gal, the cop, I was last week I was
saying I went out, I'm going out on dates and one of them and she was a cop. And I didn't really
know what to do with that. And I wasn't sure. And so how to like that wasn't in my my grid.
But yeah, she's like, you know, I didn't feel a connection. I'm like, yeah, because I didn't.
But cool. You know, like with the Catholicism and I don't know if I want to be married to a cop
with that their schedule and like just wondering if she'll come home. Right. Like, you know,
and so but so I guess that was kind of a bummer part, you know, but it was cool that we got to
hang out, get some coffee, try the new ice cream. So, yeah. OK, awesome. Daniel, I don't know if
you heard, but we're just sharing a high low. It didn't have to be about dating, just anything
that's going on in your life. You're still muted, though, I know, so sorry about that. You're good.
I mean, the high is that my training for like this half marathon is still going strong
for next month. It was like mild caffeine, but I as I think it was like towards the end of
or to the end of my run, I was able to get 12 miles in. So nice. And then the low is this has
been a crazy couple of weeks and a few weeks, I should say, in terms of like folks passing away.
I'm sorry to say, like one of my college friends like passed away like a few weeks ago. And this
past Wednesday, the other this girl in Crystal and my and my Friday small group, her father
passed away. So we're trying to like like pull money together and get her like an edible
arrangement and like help her move boxes or whatever else. So nice, nice. Well, I'm so sorry
for sharing my Christopher's. Are you guys available to speak wherever you guys are?
If not, I'm going to jump to Andy. Andy, you're sharing. Oh, Christopher, I'll get you next. Andy,
we are doing high low. Yep. OK, so the high is that I'm going to see my girlfriend,
the high is that I'm going to see my girlfriend, Jill, in just just like another week.
May 13th is when I'm leaving. The low is that we haven't been able to talk because her phone broke
and and she can only communicate WhatsApp on her laptop, which she's not on that often.
So we really haven't been able to communicate like hardly at all. And
that's how long has that been? It's been like like.
Like maybe like three or three weeks now and before that, her phone was like like the memory
is maxed out. And that's why she couldn't like get the Marco Polo app, because like
she literally did not have enough memory on her phone. So I think was just as well it died. Now
I'll buy her a new one. That's what I'm going to do because she cannot afford to buy a new phone.
So I'm going to buy her a new one. And how long are you going to be gone for a month?
Wow. And I forget I forget. Does your job let you work remote? Is that how you did it? Yeah.
Mm hmm. So I'm going to do that and and I'm planning to propose to her by the at the end of
the near the end of the visit when my birthday is. My plan is to is to have my birthday party
with her family and then propose to her in front of her family. That's my plan.
Now, remind me, Andy, has anybody on your any of your family or friends have met her?
Well, no, because you have to go to the Philippines to meet her.
No, like so you haven't like joined her on a video call with any of your family.
With my parents, I did. Okay. And are they supportive of this?
Oh, definitely. They're very supportive. So they like her.
Yeah, I mean, they didn't really get that much of a chance to interact with her. But you know,
from what I tell them about her, you know, and I forget. Does she speak English?
Did she speak English? Oh, yeah.
She speaks very good English.
Okay, and is she planning to come stateside
or are you planning to go there?
Well, most likely she'll come here,
but I don't wanna be like,
like you have to come here.
Like, I wanna be, you know, flexible
where I'm open to being over there.
There are some good things about being there.
Like for instance, I can actually eat food over there.
I can't eat food in America.
But I can eat food over there, so.
Well, wow.
Wow.
Are you still gonna come on these calls
so we can make sure you're still alive?
I don't know.
I mean, maybe.
I don't know what time it'll be.
It'll be like 4 a.m. or some crazy time.
It'll be the morning.
And also it'll probably be before,
it'll be the evening for me
because I'll be working graveyard shift.
Okay, there you go.
So I might still join, but it depends on like,
you know, if I'm doing-
Try to check in with the guys.
Let them know you're still alive.
We wanna make sure you've not been kidnapped or anything.
Okay, awesome.
All right, Christopher, now you can go.
Sorry about that.
All right.
Yeah, sorry, I've been running around.
I was, I actually just got off a date.
Or if you wanna call it, whatever, made up.
Don't wait, does this fall at the high or to the low?
Oh, it's, I think it's a high.
I think my high is definitely,
I've been getting opportunities, which is new for me.
And I just got done doing a walk around the reservoir
down in Lafayette with her and just talking
and kind of figuring out,
we're still feeling each other out.
But yes until it's no, so, but I had fun.
And I guess the low is trying to navigate that.
Right now I'm just like starting to realize
that there are a lot of very kind
and attentive and good women out there.
And I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed
with how do I narrow it down?
So I'm actually,
cause eventually I can't just keep going from,
oh, you're nice.
I don't wanna keep you,
I keep you on the line for so long, right?
Yeah, yeah, no, that's true.
I think that when you have this wonderful problem
and you have a plethora of women,
you start asking about where their life is today
and where they wanna go in the next 12 months.
So it's really important for you to start to make sure,
like, is she in alignment with me?
You know, and I don't know if you were on the coaching call
I just did last week,
cause I kinda talked about, you know,
obviously you wanna make sure she's mature,
marriage-minded and feminine.
And are you seeing that in her?
Like, are you seeing,
are you learning enough?
You don't need to learn the details.
In fact, you shouldn't with any of them.
Like, does she seem to have healthy perspective on her past?
The good, the bad and the ugly, you know?
And is she able to talk about it in a way
that she doesn't overshare and or doesn't fall apart?
You're looking for somebody who you really like,
they really align with all of the things
that you're looking for and you like her.
Like, you enjoy spending time with her.
That's what you're really, really looking for.
And it is okay, it is uncomfortable,
but it is okay for you to like,
I would say the kind of rule of thumb is, you know,
go out on a few dates with one person
and then you might have a few people
that you're doing that with and that feels weird,
but then it's okay for you to say like,
you know what, I really enjoyed getting to know you,
but, you know, I'm talking to a couple of people
at the same time and I really kind of wanna
focus in on one person.
And definitely, is there, like,
are you past date one with a few women?
Yeah, I've, this was date number two
with the one I just did.
I've actually had one that I had a long conversation,
very difficult conversation with,
because she wanted exclusivity right away,
like, and that was like a deal breaker for her.
And she, it was weird.
She's like negotiating.
After one date?
Yeah, she, and she lives in Reading,
which is three hours away from me.
And I'm like, I, like, I'm still,
this is, I'm still new here.
Like, no, I'm not ready for that.
And so she was just very,
we were having, like, boyfriend, girlfriend level,
deep conversations with.
about like, serious and not fun stuff. Yeah, like from the
beginning, and then we're having this conversation. I'm like, do
you think this is a great foundation to start with? Right
off the bat? I just don't. But I took your advice. I held my
line. I didn't explain.
So good. So you kind of pushed back a little. How did she
respond to trying to set some boundaries on the conversation?
She just said she did not like the way I was doing that. Like,
doesn't like the fact that I'm I'm trying to meet people and
taking things slow that she thinks that that's not the way
to do it. And tried to pull the I'm a counselor card on me like
I'm a therapist card. And this is not I'm like, Okay, yeah,
that that was the that I don't think she knew that. But that
was the that was it. Like it wasn't gonna happen.
Well, and here's the thing, you guys like it's interesting that
you're saying that because I feel like there's another guy in
in our community. I just did a one on one with and I and she's
a therapist too. Or she is like has been to a therapist. But
she started pulling some therapy stuff. And I will say, when I
hear that, that's somebody who's been injured. And that is
somebody who is, you know, probably got taken advantage of
in another relationship, probably gave too much. And so
in all her therapy, you know, she is learning to find her
voice set her boundaries. But the problem is now that you guys
have read the heart work, you realize that that's her being
self defended, not God defended, that she shouldn't be having
boyfriend language, but hurt people do that because they're
like, I'm just going to tell it to you all right now. And we're
just gonna get it out of the way. So that we can decide and I
only want you to see one person and and so you know, it is not
your job to give them therapy back. And you just go, Okay,
well, so I agree. I feel like you dodged a bullet too. But you
know, it's, it's, but that's what you're gonna see. Now,
here's what I will say. None of us want to be dating and making
out with more than one person. That's not. And so maybe the
phrase that you can start to say you guys in the beginning is,
you know, I just just so you know, I'm trying to do it
healthy this, you know, at this point, and the first few outings
or meetings with a girl, I feel like this is us just in
discovery. We're just discovery. We're not dating yet. Like, this
is us to complete strangers, meeting each other and
discovering a little bit of information about each other. We
have some catching up to do because obviously, if we met
each other in the real world, we will probably have interacted a
number of times before one of us requests a date date. So like
these first couple of sessions, like this is us just getting to
know each other, making going from online to an in person
date. So I'm glad that you dodged that bullet. But this
other one today was a second date. And now she closer to you.
Yes, yes, she lives in. Yes, she's driving distance since we
could actually meet like I'm going to work right now. But I
just woke up a little bit early. Do you work the night shift? Yes,
I do. Yeah, yeah. So I woke up a little bit early and just you
know, we went on a little walk around the reservoir met her dog
because that's important. So
did the dog like you? Because that's important.
Dog. I think dog likes everyone is cute dog. So good, good
behavior. Good behavior. So I was good.
Okay, but yeah, what was your low?
It's just trying to, to Oh, yeah, trying to just navigate
all of this like, you know, I'm now that I'm actually getting
opportunity because before it was this like, desperation
unhealed, exactly what we're talking about. Now I'm on the
other side of it. Like I was this person I just
I but you know, so years ago, that's where I would be. I'm
just like, hyper focusing on one person. So if it's going wrong,
I'm just that always. So now I'm trying to just navigate. You
know, and I'm very much the you know, when it when it happened
first time with my wife, it was all I had all of the hormones
and none of the good habits. Yeah, so it was just easy, you
know, to just go full force and not have to worry about
anything. But you know, now that I'm trying to do it whole
healthy and healed. It's a bit harder.
Look at you whole.
Healthy and healed, even getting the lingo down.
Oh my goodness, I love it.
All right, we have one more Christopher on the scene.
Can you unmute and tell us how you are doing a high-low?
Am I on mute?
Oh, geez, how long have I been unmuted?
I'm sorry if I've been coughing now.
No, no, no, no, no.
I said unmute to yourself.
No, no, you were fine.
I just told you to unmute, you're good.
Yeah, low, high, was talking to,
talking to and quote, unquote, dating a girl.
She doesn't want to see me anymore.
So that's cool.
Did he give you a reason?
Distance.
Okay, how far away were y'all?
Four hours.
Yeah, that's hard.
Sorry, we're all sorry for you.
Yeah, someone's gotta be.
I don't know, I don't have very many highs these days.
I'm just kind of keeping my eyes
to the things that make me happy.
So I'm just, I have shows coming up.
So I'm just going from convention to convention.
Remind me what you do at the shows.
Well, I'll either just go as an attendee
or I'll go as an exhibitor.
Certain shows I run video games for.
Video games, okay.
Wow, do you have a good circle of friends,
like guy friends?
I have a decent circle of friends
that I see out of our weekly Bible study.
It's getting a little tougher
because a lot of them are getting engaged.
So that's getting progressively harder
to get necessary support out of them
without getting discouragement.
Yeah, it's hard you guys.
It's hard when you are in a season
where the people around you are all getting married
and you are not one of them.
And obviously I got married at 57.
So I went through a lot of those seasons
where people were getting married,
people were having babies.
And so like, I kind of had to,
I call it compounded grief
because when you're single longer,
like longer than just a year or two,
you know, and you're doing it in your twenties
and you're doing it in your thirties,
you're gonna experience different seasons
of that singleness.
And some of it is where people are getting married
and some of it is when they're starting to have children.
And so just give yourself some grace in that time,
knowing that that happens, that it's normal.
I'm gonna ask you, all right, let me go around.
Are you guys faithful to the Supernatural Saturday calls?
Do you watch them and replay?
Do you almost catch them?
I mean, I'm going somewhere with this.
So you don't have to go in a certain order,
just spitball out and tell me
how faithful to Supernatural Saturday you are.
I'd say I watch at least once a month.
At least once a month,
I try to clock in on one of them, replay.
Okay. On one and a half speed.
Not at all.
I'm busy catching up on sleep.
Christopher, you said that?
Yeah, I'm usually sleeping during,
and when I wake up, it doesn't take me long
to get from sleep to something I have to do.
So here's, okay, keep going, keep going.
The other Christopher, what were you gonna say?
I was just admitting I have yet to see one.
I did go to one of those Sunday activations
and I realized, oh, I should have gone on Saturday
because this is very heavy into that.
Yeah, yeah.
How about you, David, Mike, Anthony?
I mean, Mike and Andy and Daniel.
I unfortunately haven't been making it to them,
but I do catch them like once in a while,
but I haven't been catching them like that often,
I guess lately.
I got a couple lately.
I just haven't been, I'm not doing long distance dating.
So I was like, I mean, it is encouraging,
but at the same time, like my life's insane.
I'm spending, I do a lot of ministry
on Saturdays and stuff.
So, well that, and that's actually my gym time.
So, oh shoot, I have a meeting.
Speaking of ministries, but like-
No, go in the gym, then you can get the gym pick.
You know, yeah, yeah, that's so funny.
Now there's plenty of people who wanna pick me up
at the gym, but that's a problem.
Like, yeah, anyways.
Well, here's what I can say, you guys.
I know Saturday morning is not an easy time,
but I'm a big fan of listening to them in replay.
I don't watch them, I just listen to them in replay.
And like Abram, I listened to them
at one and a half speed sometimes too.
And, you know, I know this may sound awful, but sometimes I will listen to them to go
to bed.
And like, I always fall asleep like halfway through it, but I'm a big believer that God's
word continues.
And so if Jackie's kind of speaking, you know, health and healing over you, even as your
body falls asleep, I actually believe it's still food for your soul.
And so if you guys cannot listen on either Faith Friday or Supernatural...
I know they don't record Faith Friday, but I know they record Supernatural Saturday.
So when you think about it, if you're watching it at one and a half speed or listening to
it at one and a half speed, you're talking about maybe it taking 40 minutes.
And it's something you can do when you're at the gym.
It's something you can do when you're in the car, and it's something you can do to help
you fall asleep at night.
So I would argue if you're feeling any discouragement, that's a great thing to listen to, as opposed
to just scrolling, you know.
You got your hand raised.
Go ahead, Mike.
Well, I just wanted to encourage you because I don't know the last time we were on a call
together, you're like, you know, Mike, I think your wife's like an hour and a half away.
And I'm like, well, son of a gun, that sucks.
So, but I felt the Lord on it.
And so, I mean, I had an amazing date until she was a, what was your term, crazy lefty?
Oh, Abram, crazy lefty.
Well, because I mean, like literally you mentioned Trump and the date was over, even though we
were like stupid compatible, you know.
But I just want to encourage you, like, because I was listening and that word resonated, I've
been on the apps and I've been on several dates.
Nice.
You know, I mean, I had this question and this is something that happens.
I actually might actually apply to a bunch of other guys on here, too, because of the
age.
So like right now I have a 44 year old gal, right?
She's like, she wants kids.
And so I don't even usually touch those, right?
Should I be?
Do you want kids at all?
I can't have kids, any more kids.
I'm done.
So.
Let her go, bro.
Let her go.
No, no.
So that's my thought.
I just want to make sure that like, if she's if it's a deal breaker for her, it really
you have to find out.
I don't I don't even swipe on those and that's why I'm asking the question, right?
I would say.
I would say this.
There is a difference between it being a deal breaker and a preference.
My preference would have been to be with somebody whose kids were still living at home
so that I could get some of that bonus mom time.
And that would have been my preference.
Brian's kids are late 20s, so that and they're three and a half hours away and or states
away and or countries away.
So that was a preference of mine.
It wasn't a deal breaker.
And so someone in their mid 40s, it may be a preference, it may be a choice.
And you can and and here's if they if they swipe on you and you have that first exchange,
you can ask it right up front like, hey, I noticed that you you mentioned that you want
to have kids.
You know, I'm kind of out of that season and that's that's not happening for me.
So if that's a deal breaker for you, then I do that.
I do that all the time.
Yeah.
So but I just wanted to make sure that like.
You know, like should I you know, so anyways, but because there's a lot that's one of my
biggest things is most.
And I forget how old are you?
You're 50.
I just turned 50.
I turned 50.
Yeah, you just turned 50 in August.
I will say if you are you OK if she well, you've got kids, so you're OK if she's got
kids, too.
And no, I do.
I do.
And she's got a Brady Bunch.
I don't freaking care.
Yeah.
It is.
Well, it is probably.
You might find women ages 50 to 53 are going to be less wanting to get pregnant because
chances are pretty low, you know.
Actually, forty eight to fifty three.
It's going to start to go down.
Like, her success rate to get pregnant is a lot lower.
So in that 48 to 53, my suspicion is it might be a nice to have, but not need to have, especially
if she feels like she could be able to interact with your kids and or your grandkids once
they come.
All right.
Cool.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I mean, you just never know with somebody.
I kind of feel like you just never know.
I feel like when you're looking at an app, they have to have...for you to swipe on them,
they should probably have about 75% of what you're looking for.
The other 25% might be in question based on what they wrote.
You're not quite sure, they didn't mention it at all, but that's what you can find out
in a very, you know, quick exchange and or a quick video date, especially you just, you
never know.
Like, you know, you just never know.
But that's a good question.
Where else are you guys feeling any kind of roadblocks in the dating?
Like are you guys online?
Are you doing meetup groups?
Are you like, would you say you're giving it energy?
Like because let's face it, most of us, like Jackie met her and married her next door neighbor.
That doesn't happen for most of us.
For most of us, we kind of have to put ourself out there.
So if you're putting zero time into getting to know somebody, you're probably going to
get zero results.
And so anything else roadblocking y'all?
Rene, just to finish the last question, like I probably only missed like one or two Supernatural
Saturdays or last year, like live and one of them was real recent and I watched the
replay on that.
So yeah.
Do you find that it helps?
It helps keep the momentum going for me.
But like I rarely missed a men's call either.
So as long as everyone in this group, as long as everyone's at least able to do one, one
of those two for a week, that's a good place to be at least.
So yeah.
Yeah.
Or, or Sunday nights or whatever it happens to be that fits the schedule best.
Yeah.
I will say too, ladies, there are about 90 people that come on, especially when I do
the dating calls.
Like I did two in the month of April.
They're super fun.
I let people come on camera, ask them questions.
By the way, Christopher, you did so good on that speed dating with me.
That's the funny part is that actually one of the women that I had actually met her on
Holy and we connected, but she was on that call and she didn't recognize me.
I messaged her on Holy and I said, you know, we're both in last year's single.
So we went on a date last night or a meetup.
It was good.
She's a little bit out of my preferences.
I mean, she's 46, which I, I, which is on the older end.
But she's yeah, she's, she's cool.
We're going, we're definitely going out again.
So yeah, we're we had fun.
I won't know.
There's so many women.
I don't know who they all are, but I'm just curious if I know who she is.
You want me to say it?
I do.
Well, wait, hold on a second.
Hold on.
Wait, how do I stop?
Wait, where's the pause?
That's a great question.
Hold on.
Okay.
We took a minor little break there, but we're back.
So the question on the table that someone presented is sometimes when you're chatting
and the conversation just starts to get super serious, how do you bring it up from out from
underneath of that?
And so what I always like to say to people, this is why we shouldn't text for very long
because you just can't help yourself.
You just start digging for more and more and more information.
So all of the texting that you're trying to do and you guys, that's how I feel about texting
in general.
I think that texting secures a live date and then after that texting should just be confirmation
only.
You guys should not.
I do not recommend at all dating somebody through texting like I feel like so much can
be missed.
I would rather you guys go out on actual live dates with her and pick fun things to do.
You know, go bowling, go play Frisbee, go pick a ball, go to an art studio, go grab
coffee and just go walk down main street.
Everybody's got a main street.
Go to, you know, go throw a Frisbee around, bring out literally like childhood board games
like Sari and Uno.
Like try to have fun things to do.
Go to the gym together.
You know, try to like one thing I've heard that people do, which is hilarious, is you
both go to like a Goodwill and you each pick out an outfit for each other and then you
both have to change into that outfit and wear that outfit on the date or something like
super fun.
So I feel like trying to do as much fun stuff as possible with them.
And of course, whenever the conversation gets too deep and it is.
okay to put up the hand and just say, you know what, I'm actually working with a, you
know, I'm actually in a discipleship.
If you don't want to say you're working with a dating coach, because I will be honest with
you, I did not say that.
I said, I'm part of an online singles community.
And one of the things that we talk about is how to date healthy in this day and age, especially
with a lot of swiping.
And what, you know, we're really encouraged to do is in these first few interactions,
keep the conversation very present day and where you're, you know, kind of like where
you're going in the early future.
Have the dates be simple and be fun just to see if we even like hanging out with each
other.
Before we start to ask, there's plenty of time and opportunity to ask the really heavy
stuff.
I would argue if you find a girl that's insisting on the heavy, hard stuff right away, she's
probably got some unhealed wounds.
And you know, you can just be like, there isn't going to be a time for that.
This is not the time for that.
I also think some of those silly dating questions that I asked a lot of you guys on the single
spotlight, it's okay to have them ready.
And one of the one-on-one coaching I did, I gave him like 20 questions to like ask.
And he just now has them printed out kind of in his back pocket.
I've actually taken those tabletop questions on dates.
So if I ever feel like the conversation's getting heavy, I've already pre-looked at
that and I have like 10 fun questions.
They're fun, but you still learn about somebody kind of questions.
And just, so I think that's kind of how you have to do it.
It is much harder to manage that when you're just texting.
I think it's even harder and it's interesting because one of the women said the same thing,
Mike, but it happened to her where she went from the texting to a phone call instead of
a video date.
And he just started vomiting all his stuff.
And it's a lot harder to stop somebody in the middle of their vomit when they're just
on the phone because you can't do a verbal, like you can't do a visual stop.
Like you know what I'm saying?
Like you're trying to find a spot in their sentence where they catch your breath.
And if they don't, they can just ramble.
And so that's why I personally don't recommend phone calls right away because you really
can't manage the tempo and the content as easily because it could just turn into a runaway
train.
So that's how I feel like you can get out from underneath of it and just like literally
I need to interrupt for just a hot minute.
I just need to interrupt.
Sometimes you just have to say, I just need to interrupt.
I'm glad you said that because like the next date that I'm going on with the one I just
went on is I do want to just like get a board game and sit down and coffee and just play.
And that was my idea.
And I'm so glad you confirmed that.
Yeah.
I mean literally and make it like a dumb game, like something that you can just both be silly
and childlike with it.
It doesn't have to be like, I don't know, I used to date one of those guys that did
the Dungeons and Dragons.
And so the games he would do, I'm like, that's just way too much brainpower for me.
You know, you can bring a finger painting thing.
Like there's so many creative, silly dates that you can do.
Somebody has suggested you like date the alphabet and it's like, all right, it's a B tonight.
What can we do that starts with a B and they get to, you know, you can go to the batting
cage.
It doesn't have to be bowling.
You can go to the batting cage.
So I think it's super fun to do.
I also have another girlfriend who just did, and I'm amazed they did this.
I would never go in with just one other person.
They did an escape game, you know, where you go in and you have to try to get, you try
to get out of the locked room with all this stuff.
I did the escape game with my ex's children and there was like four of us, four or five
of us.
And it took all four or five of us to work together to get out of that room.
I couldn't imagine.
I don't know.
I'm pretty sure I'd kill my poor husband if it were just the two of us, because I can
be pretty terrible at that kind of game.
And I'd be like wanting him to just figure it all out.
Oh dear.
That's my, that's my next one with another one.
I think, here's why I think the escape game is great to do.
You just may want to try to find another couple to come in with you to help it out.
But here's why the escape game is great because you see how they are under pressure, you know,
like it's a really great way to, to see how they handle.
And if you lose, it's a really great way to see how they handle losing too.
So I'm all for doing it.
Like I promise you, Christopher, like if somebody, like if Brian had asked me to do that early
on in our dating, I would have been on my best behavior.
Now if I went with him, I'd be like, come on, Brian, come on, Brian, you're the smart
one.
You're the, you're MacGyver.
Like you can fix everything.
So I did go to men's conference and I bumped into one of those ladies at my age who was
help-serving and I managed to hold on and get a level two relationship and I sat with someone
and some girl in church we sat next together and we just talked on the way and we got to
and I figured you know what I try to judge way rather than had the pressure influence me
I'd rather keep my own idea of just build relationships it's better than being isolated
versus check their boundaries yeah yeah so it's basically level two yep um Daniel tell me about
this how do you even pronounce it the high key game or high game what how do you how do you even
say that uh pipe I believe it's high key so it's um it's just this game that has like a stack of
cards it's got like three questions on it and I said that's like good for like icebreakers for
like everything from small groups to get-togethers and people said it's good to test with dating
cool I don't know why I'm struggling to come up with look what questions they got on there like
whoa that's okay I think that's great I think that's awesome um you know take take somebody
to a pottery you know when you go to a pottery thing and you paint something that gets into the
kiln um there's just a lot of really cool things to do I mean you literally could even google
you know give me 10 fun creative low-cost date ideas um so there's a lot of things to do besides
just going out for coffee or glass of wine or dinner um I do love the walking around something
in nature my very first in-person date with Brian we met at the it's called bicentennial mall or
centennial mall and it's like a mile loop around the park well our version of the Parthenon
um what we didn't know was it was the first nice day of spring and like 5,000 people were at
at the park when we got there and uh but it was fun like I had a blanket ready and I think I did
have like a game ready just in case we kind of stalled on the conversation um so I feel like
that's what you kind of want to do is see if you enjoy their time but you know it's definitely
something I think we can all fall into to start getting too serious too fast and I think we do
it because we just want to make sure like oh my gosh are they healed from their marriage why did
they get divorced like you know why are they still single you know and so we it's we just we we're
such curious people we just want to know that stuff but I think what I've learned is this is
this is the visual I'm going to give you guys a visual so it's like see all these little beads
here so like every fun thing you learn about somebody you're making healthy deposits and as
you get to know her you're like oh my gosh I learned this too oh my gosh we have this in
common oh my gosh we have this in common well I really like that that really balances with
my personality so what starts to happen is you collect all these marbles right and so then when
she starts to tell you you start to see a habit in her that you really don't like you're like
I really don't like that you've got this huge amount of deposit already so you kind of toss
one in all right and you found out that she you know her divorce went really bad and they fought
for custody okay you might lose a couple more things maybe you find out she has an attachment
issue because she's got daddy issues you lose a couple more but hopefully by then you started
doing more nice things so you started building it back up that's why though when you start out
and you only have maybe one or two and the next thing you know they start vomiting all their stuff
it's a depletion so it starts to take away from what you're building with her
and that's why you feel exhausted or drained after those dates because you didn't build enough
good stuff first and I didn't think that that was a thing until it kind of happened to me there was
this really nice guy that I got matched with a few years ago and I really think if he was willing to
pace himself and add some good deposits with me you know it might have gone a different way
because he seemed like a really nice guy but way too fast like I was stupid you guys I asked
I don't know how we got on the subject of going hunting but it's Tennessee so a lot of the men
here hunt and he's like oh I only do bow and arrow and I was like oh why didn't think that was a hard
question and he goes well because I can't have a gun I'm like ignorant because I don't hunt
Abram you know
or where this is going, don't you?
I go, why can't you have a gun?
And he's like, well, I was in jail.
You can't have a gun.
Oh, so that was good.
Did you?
OK, see, I was so naive.
So that's a perfect example of I feel bad for him
because I kind of walked him into that one.
But he should have just stopped there, right?
He could have been like, Renee, it was 15 years ago.
It is not as bad as it probably sounds when it's appropriate.
I'll be happy to tell you about it.
No, he decides to unload the whole thing,
which I think opened Pandora's box.
And then I found out about his ADHD and his ADHD medication.
His daughter's cutting herself.
The issues he's having with his ex-wife, his financial woes.
It just went it just tanked in about
he was like up here and it just crashed and burned.
And it just couldn't go anywhere because it just I remember thinking,
oh, my gosh, this is way too much baggage. I can't do this.
So that's what happens when we don't invest enough in the good stuff with somebody.
So that's a lesson to you all that
somebody will be able to bear your full story.
They just can't bear it in the first few dates.
It's just too much.
So don't ever think that just because you shouldn't share it at the front end
doesn't mean that you're not going to be safe to share it.
Brian and I have now shared everything.
And obviously, before we even talked about marriage,
we shared a lot of the really like wounded stuff of our past.
But by then, we had made so many positive investments
that I was like, ah, that's no big deal.
And I also was I also knew enough about him
to know that he was really healed from it, too.
Like I didn't have to wonder, well, is that still an issue for him?
Like I watched him behave for three months.
So I knew none of that was a residual.
It was just a part of his story that he took to get to me.
So see how we went on that little dovetail.
All right. Any other good questions like that or things that you think
now that you guys are getting out, they're not getting out there.
Any other roadblocks that you're finding that you want to uncover?
And by the way, if there are women in our community
that you are trying to get in touch with, like David tried with me,
and I'll be honest with you, I don't have like I'm not Facebook friends
with most of the women because Jack actually doesn't want us to Facebook
friend a lot of the women in the community or else
they just kind of start bothering us in the DMs.
So if you want to meet somebody and it's not obvious
how to find them on Facebook, email Reagan at the admin email,
and she will try to get a coordination going for you.
I personally have wanted us to put the men and the women
in one united group on the app
for this very purpose so that you can more easily find each other.
But I have been vetoed so far.
So, you know, you know, if I get to get on the spotlight,
I think another question I should have asked, like I should have asked
when you try to replicate me is, do you like to buy anything in Amazon?
A lot of ladies like that, like that question.
Ladies like the Amazon question.
If they like to buy anything on Amazon, because I got a good conversation
about that going.
That's interesting.
I mean, I don't know.
I buy way too much on Amazon.
I do. Oh, my gosh.
Like, I'm lazy.
I hate shopping, y'all.
Like, I hate shopping.
I hate shopping.
Like when I'm out of copy paper for my printer for school,
I just order that on Amazon school supplies.
All my books are on Kindle for school.
Like Brian and I have talked about it, like we're both kind of bad.
Like, I mean, stuff shows up from Amazon and I'm like, huh?
I wonder what that is.
And if you stay home and make sure you get your package,
because I see that with all the customers.
Well, you know, I mean, we Amazon has the code to get into our building.
So 99% of the time my stuff comes right to my doorstep.
And there's a fulfillment center right here, so I get stuff pretty quickly
from Amazon, but and so, in fact, to the point, well, that's a sidebar.
So we wouldn't even go there.
Mike, you have your hand raised.
Did you want to say something?
So I saw that Jackie's starting up spotlights again.
Right. I just wanted to like, hey, you guys be ready for spotlights.
I don't have no idea when, how or what, but would you like to get spotlighted?
Me? No.
I'm sorry.
Why not, Mike?
I'm sorry.
Why not?
I'm sorry.
Someone hiding in California.
I'm sorry.
It's gotta be.
I'm sorry.
Sorry, but I guess if it's in Redding, I guess I have Fresno now.
I'm sorry.
I can stay in Fresno.
I can go from Fresno to Redding.
I kind of exhausted the whole Redding thing, but no, I just was-
I think it's hilarious that Mike has gone through all of the women in Redding.
All of the single city women in Redding.
I've been to like four or five of those.
No, but the thing is her Instagram account has like 10,000 people in it.
There's a lot of people in her Instagram account that aren't in Last Year Single.
Oh, really?
Okay.
Oh, so.
Oh, yeah.
So she's doing it on Instagram now.
I have your bios, so now that I know she's back to doing it, I'm going to send her everybody's
bios, and unless you tell me not to, I'm going to encourage her to reach out to y'all
to like-
High pressure sales.
So Jack, yes.
Right?
She's going to be like, why are you not dating?
Why are you not-
Well, I mean, because I feel like if she's out on Instagram, that's going to open you
up to a whole new audience of women that are not in the community.
Yeah.
No, that makes sense.
And so I may not be open to that, but I may be going on a date in Redding this weekend,
so we'll see.
Okay.
Well, I mean, so I found somebody on, it wasn't through Last or Single, but you know,
one of the things, and I don't know who talks to the coordinators, right?
But I mean, straight up, I was in Redding, and they're like, why are you here?
I'm like-
What do you mean, why are you here where here?
The single cities.
I'm like, are you moving here?
I'm like, no, I'm in the Bay Area.
And they're like, and I was like, huh.
Well, it's also the closest one to you.
Which one would they want you to join?
Well, I mean, San Francisco Bay Area one is closest, but that's new, and I know everybody
in it, and there's not one person that I really want to get to know.
Single city stuff, it's like not real.
Like people add themselves, they're not responding back, there's very minimal.
It's very bleak.
I'm not trying to be negative, but I've already messaged like everybody that was in
those single cities, and just, hey, hello, how are you doing?
Just a really easy little touch, and then if they respond, they respond.
But I've got zero contact feedback from-
I know.
I mean, I'm not going to lie.
Just so you know.
I'm not criticizing.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm equally disappointed in it.
I used to try to help do all of the Nashville events, and I was like, for all the people
that are in here, people weren't engaging, people weren't coming to stuff.
And so I'm kind of like, ugh.
And so I think-
It needs like a redo or something.
Like a redo, restart, new page, something.
Yeah, and so I will say this.
I think that ... I'm not going to say it's going to go away.
What I suggested, instead of having single cities, because people travel, they're on
vacation and stuff, I think there should be one page.
I go back to, it used to be single nation on Facebook, where it combines all the men
and all the women.
And so if there's an event going on in Macon, Georgia, somebody's going to say, hey, there's
a bonfire going on.
Does anybody want to come?
And so that page, the only goal of that page is to talk about what's ... Now, it'd be a
way for you guys to private message each other in that Facebook group, but also it would
be like, hey, this conference is going on.
This event's going on, because there might be an event going on that's really special
to Redding or to Nashville.
I might say, oh my gosh, it's Fanfare Week, it's CMA Week, June 10th through the 15th.
You guys should come into town, it'll be really great.
So you guys could announce stuff.
So even people who aren't in that town might want to make a trip to that town and meet
up with friends and or go, oh my gosh, I don't live there, but if I know Abram just
posted about an event, I'll tell my single friends who aren't in the program to go to
that event.
And so that's what I've wanted to do, I've suggested to do with Single Cities is kind
of merge it into one spot where people can just keep sharing.
That's the only goal of the single community is to share cool things that are going on
or like, hey, I'm traveling for business in Phoenix, anybody near Phoenix, I'd love
to meet for dinner.
Just so it would be a quick, easy way to get to know, I mean, so this way, I mean, you're
not trying to get to know people one on one per se, but in my opinion, I would
We have the people that are in the paid community
in that group, too,
because I've really not seen anybody from the outside world
be consistent in coming to events and stuff.
But I might want to I'm going to be staying with Jackie
for a couple of days.
We have a actually we have a single
we have a last year single wedding that we're going to on Thursday
and I'll be flying in for that wedding.
So I'm going to stay with Jackie.
So I kind of it'll get I'll have time in the car with her and David.
So I might get some undivided attention to share some ideas
about this that might help.
But y'all are not alone.
Any other questions that you want to bring up?
I don't want to keep you guys here.
I know you guys are busy people. Yeah.
Do you have a question, Hunter?
Never mind. Are you sure?
Yeah. Yeah, I am.
It's OK. How do we?
How's that? I've been doing jujitsu.
I was thinking, what is it if women have it?
Why is it that jujitsu tends to be a guy thing?
And and we are number twenty one.
How you deal with women?
They're only doing girl things and men doing guy things.
How you try to come out?
What's the challenge behind that?
You know, it's interesting that you say that.
Like, I know there's this woman.
She does like Taekwondo.
And so, you know, you might want to find out
like what's the more co-ed version of that and take a couple of classes in that.
But I'm always encouraging the women, like, don't just go to places
that women go to.
Don't just go to an all girls gym.
Don't just like go pick places to go.
That's going to put you in front of the opposite sex.
So I'm always encouraging the women to do that.
So I might encourage you to do that, like, you know, just find out
like literally Google what's similar to jujitsu
that in upstate New York that might be more co-ed.
And you might find it's a Taekwondo class.
You might find that it's a safety class.
Like you might find a way to get a more co-ed version of it.
Or she might be somebody who likes doing extreme sports.
And so she signed up to do we call them like the the muddy.
What is it called?
The Tough Mudder.
Thank you. Tough Mudder.
And so you'll find a chick.
And believe it or not, Hunter, you probably just need to find somebody
who's athletic ish, kind of like the Tough Mudder.
And she may not know anything about jujitsu, but she would with you.
But you're already picking somebody who's athletic.
Like, oh, it's like that'd be great.
Yeah, I think it would be super great.
But it's also connected with the Lord or so that that's a priority.
And that's what I've been doing with these two women.
I've been sitting next to in church.
Now, one, I think I'm in a level two relationship.
I might be a level two relationship.
You're in a level two.
If you're going out on dates alone with them, you're not.
If you're just sitting next to them, chilling out.
If you are a level two, level two, level one is you're hanging out in community.
Yeah. Level two is you saying, hey, do you want to have dinner with me?
Do you want to go ice skating?
Do you want to go play pick a ball?
And you and her go alone on a date.
That's level two.
All right.
A hundred ladies do marathons a lot now,
I think like running is like really catching on huge because
I think people are awakening to this whole health stuff.
They're trying to kill us so they can give us their pills.
Anyways, marathons are great.
You know what?
Yep. Climbing gyms.
I did. I did marathons and triathlons and there was always a ton of chicks, but.
Tons of chicks, dude.
Tons of guys as well.
Good guys.
If you meet a good guy there, he might have, you know, somebody.
Climbing gyms are pretty neutral.
I'd say there's a little bit more guys,
but a lot of chicks do climbing and they're in great shape, man.
They're in great shape.
Gym gym always, you know, if you want to get athletic, too.
I think there's a lot more women in the gym now than ever before.
I agree.
And I've even noticed, Abram, too, because like I always lift weights
and you always used to see women by the cardio machines and men pumping weights.
And I'm seeing almost equal men and women at the weight.
Oh, the women, they take up all the squat racks in the gym.
You can't get a set in.
They're there for an hour and a half. It's over.
That's why these gyms now they have double the squat racks
because women are working on, you know, all the lower half big time
and all the knowledge is out there.
So they're just, you know, copycatting some Instagram chick.
Yeah. And doing her workouts.
And now you might find a nice lady that, you know, likes to work out
and then she could help you, you know, get a bigger butt, too.
So there'll be some wins for you, bud.
That is hilarious.
I'm I I like to get in and get out, though.
I'm not going to lie. When I go do my weights, I get in and I get out. I'm like a 40 minute girl.
Because I follow what my coach tells me to do. If it's a 30 second break or a 90 second break,
I'm already ready for the next one. I'm not super friendly when I go to the gym. I'm like,
I mean, I'm nice. I'm friendly because 90% of the time I need a guide to reach something for me.
Um, but for the most part, I, I don't know how people like just dilly dally and chit chat. No,
no, I'm there to work out. Chop, chop. We got to go. But that's awesome. You guys,
I had so much fun talking to you guys tonight. Um, Abram, I'm going to talk to Jackie and David
a little bit more about kind of creating that combined community. I feel like that's really,
really important for us. I am going to get those summaries to her and hopefully she will be
reaching out to you guys to spotlight you. I think it would be great for you to do that. And if you
want a little practice on being spotlighted next week, when you chat with either Mike, who's left
or David, um, then you guys can practice that. But a couple of you already practiced with me
and you guys would all be amazing. You guys are all amazing. You plan on doing this once a month
with us or me personally? I'm usually, I think I'm usually, I think I usually get to you guys
about once a month. Doesn't that seem about right? Yeah. Like it's good. Yeah, it's good. Don't,
don't let them take you from us. Oh, I appreciate that. You give the best like real advice,
like direct instruction. And I know for a lot of guys here, that's nice. Yeah. Not that like
through the air stuff. Like, you know, Hey, you know, blah, blah, blah. You're like, no,
stop doing that. Do more of that. And I appreciate that. So if you ever have time to watch them in
replay, whenever you see on, don't, don't let the word online dating confuse you. Whenever you see
that I'm leading a coaching call, it is very nuts and bolts and it might be actually good for you
to listen to it because the first 15 minutes of every dating coaching call, I pay attention to
what people keep asking in the chat, like on the Facebook page. And I'm like, Oh my gosh,
we're asking this stuff again. So I will always highlight the top questions I see getting asked
and how to handle that. And I've been getting pretty tough. Like last week I got pretty tough
with people. Like I was just kind of like, all right, this thing you got going on? No.
And this outfit, what's with the outfit? No. And the picture behind you? No. And then I was doing
this. I was like, you guys see how like different you look. Like, I mean, I look good here. Look,
you don't see any lines and wrinkles, but like, if I start walking into the, into like, I see,
I have a lot of light going on right now, but like, like this would be like this, like you,
with the thing, like you can't even see, see, look, I can't even find a bad light. Cause I've
got so many, I've got so much, my husband's probably pissed at me cause I have every light
on. But there are some people like that have like the spotlight behind them and they just
look like they're about to get interrogated. I'm like, what are you doing? Well, yeah,
he'll have his fan on and it looks like a MK ultra and he's getting hypnotized,
you know, it kills me. Love the guy, but. Oh, are you talking about Andy?
Yeah. This guy will have his fan on once in a while with the thing going. I'm like, dude,
you're trying to hypnotize me, bro. It's so true. You know? Oh my goodness.
Hey, Abram, do you want to pray us out? Okay. Sure. Uh, name of the father, son of the Holy
spirit. Um, I just pray that everybody here can, um, just, uh, almost, I mean, for me,
it just seems like every time I let go of things and break down, um, I, I get back up stronger. So
whatever's holding you back, just let it go, man. Uh, give it to God and, um, you know,
come back stronger so that way we can be better people for our future person. And, um, I give
everybody here a lot of, uh, good luck. I mean that I don't really believe in luck, but just
to help everybody, uh, find their person or, you know, meet somebody to help them
and learn things, uh, for their future person. So I pray everybody here, um,
you know, tries to have a good time doing that. Don't feel discouraged. It's tough.
There's a lot of crap out here and, um, together we can all do this and support each other. And,
um, that's what I pray for. Amen. Amen. I just saw your question, Abram. Who do we email?
It's admin at Jackie Dorman.com. Okay. Gotcha. Thank you so much.
You bet.
All right, people.
See you soon.