Hi, welcome. Welcome to another heartbreak session here tonight. So glad to have y'all
joining us. Would love to have some of you come on screen and join me here so that I'm
not talking to myself tonight. I'm sure we're going to have more people joining. Hi, Kiera.
As we kind of go into housekeeping, we normally have more people join. So I'm going to go
through a couple important housekeeping things. Totally fine, Christy. Thanks for letting
me know though. Hi, Teresa. Hi, Beth Donnelly. What's up, girl? All right. We got one of
our ladies that's in one of our other phases kind of joining back tonight. Love it. So
glad to have you all. Nice to see you. Nice to see you too. Oh, I've missed you. All right.
Awesome. So our housekeeping items tonight. First, let me say welcome to any new ladies.
Have you joined us before? Is this your first time? Let me know in the chat. We want to
welcome you for all of my ladies rejoining, joining back. Welcome back. We're so glad
to have you here as well. I really believe God has some things that are special in store
for every person that's here tonight. And just a friendly reminder for all those that
are in our heartwork group. I normally do this reminder every couple months. It's not
because I saw something that anybody did or anything. So I always like to kind of preface
it with that. But we want to remind you that when you're here in the heartwork group and
even in the other phases, I should say this as well, because we want to encourage other
people, but we don't want to become coaches. We don't want to counsel or encourage you
all to give advice. And so we want you to take your helper hats off because that's,
that's my role. That's Kelly's role, Andrea's role, other coaches and other groups. Your
role is to be here to receive, to grow and to flourish, to meet sisters, to encourage
one another. But we'll take care of any of the coaching, advising, all of that kind of
stuff. Sometimes what can happen, interestingly enough, is people get into the other phases
and then they become dating coaches. It's kind of crazy. But it doesn't mean that people
can't give feedback. We just want to make sure that they're not kind of opposing things
that coaches are in here doing and saying. So super important to keep that in mind as
you go forward. Kira and Jennifer, welcome for your first time. So glad to have you guys
joining us tonight. Oftentimes what can happen with these helper gifts, you know, people
that are in any kind of care role or you have been a coach or counselor or teacher even,
any of those kind of things, ministry leaders, you can often tend to have this strong helper
gift focus, which is amazing, but any gift overextended can become a weakness. And here's
where we see it becoming a weakness. And this is something I've had to overcome in the past
and I still have to overcome this at times. It's that it can often be a distraction tactic
of the enemy. What do I mean by that? Well, he's going to try to keep you really busy
helping everybody else so that you don't actually lean in to your own healing. So if you're
somebody that, you know, you start this healing process or every time you start to do something
to move your life forward and now all of a sudden your friends have all these needs
or somebody at work needs extra time from you, it doesn't mean we have to say no to
everything, but I want you to understand and recognize that some of you, this is how the
enemy is getting you off track. You're putting the mask on everybody else and you're not
putting the breathing oxygen mask, so to speak, on yourself. So really try to work on that
here in the heart work as well as the other phases so that you can keep moving forward
yourself. I even saw this in a post that someone had up in the group. It was a great question
and honestly, I can't even remember who I responded to right now. Sorry about that.
But it was basically like someone that had been abusive to them that they had dated.
They're not dating anymore. But you know, they're kind of still, they love that person
and they're still hoping that that person will change and do I wait for them to get
healthy and change? No, you do not. No, you do not. You get healthy, you focus on yourself,
you move forward and leave God to take care of whatever's going to happen with that person.
Because here's the thing, and this is what I said in the response to her, and this came
from Jackie, so I cannot take credit for it, but it's such great coaching and advice. We
cannot marry potential ladies. Okay, we can't. We have to marry marriage minded, mature,
healthy men, men that walk in all the fruits of the spirit. They're not just saying with
their words, they're going to be something, do something and then acting completely different.
We want to look at people's fruit, their actions, what is their life and how they live and how
they're treating you, tell you about them. A lot of times.
He listened to people's words, myself included.
That's why I got stuck in a six year relationship that was massively abusive.
I kept listening to his words and living by that instead of like, Oh, this guy
just keeps cheating on me over and over and over.
I saw those things, but I kind of started excusing them in a sense,
not because I wanted to, but by subconscious growing up taught me
that you just, my dad was an addict drug, you know, alcoholic.
My dad cheated on my mom.
You just forgive.
You just love.
You just look.
And yes, we do love, but you know what?
Love also has boundaries, ladies, and we forget the most
important person to love is us.
So if that's speaking to you, take it, kind of meditate on that and see what
God wants to speak to you, uh, excuse me, more about that this week.
When I encourage you to check out supernatural Saturday, you have
permission to produce, uh, David Dorman, Jackie's husband led our faith
Friday on a Saturday is what they kept calling.
It was kind of fun, but that was the theme that came out of it, that
we have permission to produce, produce what, well, hopefully you all in the
heart work right now are producing a lot of heart healing, you're producing
a lot of like you're allowing God to kind of get inward to inspect what's
going on in your heart, that's causing fruit that's not beneficial to you in
your life, for those of you, even in other phases, it's kind of like, okay,
what's, what's growing in our community.
We want you to harvest in the field that is ripe for harvest.
So sometimes we get frustrated because many of, many of you all come here
because you want to be married.
You want to meet someone and we want that for you too, but some of you might
need to harvest in the field of growing in your financial stewardship, getting
a new job, going back to school.
That might be where you need to harvest first, growing in your confidence so
that you can harvest in the field of relationship with that, when that
field is ready for harvest.
And sometimes you come, no matter, you know, cause we all come from
different places and spaces and journeys.
So some people have, you know, they're kind of ready and they're, they come
through heart work and their, their field is ready right then.
And then we have people that are like, well, what's wrong with me?
Why am I not meeting my person right now?
You know, and then we have people that have been in the program several years.
And, uh, then they're like, where's my person?
Am I doing something wrong?
No, let's just harvest.
And it can be really hard.
I'm not minimizing that, but you know what, when we partner with hard
instead of God, what are you doing in this season?
What are you growing in me?
Where do you want me to thrive?
Then we get our eyes on the wrong things.
And all we always see is what's not working.
What's not happening versus what is God doing?
What does God want to do in me today?
So lean into that, check that out.
Um, also the one last thing is we want to encourage you to engage in the group.
So again, people coming on to the lives, letting me see you,
you guys seeing each other.
This is your sisters in this community.
It's awesome to see one another.
Also so many great posts in the group.
You got, you have been doing a great job.
I saw several silhouette posts today.
If I haven't seen yours, please don't take that personally.
I tried to jump in there a little bit more today than I have been able to recently,
but that's why we have a team.
We have Andrea and Kelly helping out now, which is amazing.
And that opens me up to do some other things in our community.
If you guys don't know, I also coached Simbas coaching in our
community with my husband, which is saving your marriage before it starts.
And I also lead advanced heartwork sessions in some of our other phases,
all kinds of things happening here in the community.
So once y'all move on from heartwork, there's so much more for you to experience.
It's going to be really great.
All right, let me pray for us.
Father, thank you so much for tonight.
Thank you for everything that you're doing already in our hearts.
God, thank you for truth.
That brings freedom.
That brings breakthrough.
God, I ask you to bring revealings for healing where they're necessary.
Help us to see what we couldn't see before.
Thank you, Lord, for the revelation and the truth, even today that I, you know,
talk a lot about healing happens in layers and forgiveness happens in layers.
And I read something today and it was like, thoughts are layered.
One thought is connected to another thought.
And it's not like I didn't know that before, Lord, but that just felt like
such an aha moment, especially for what we're going to talk about tonight.
I pray tonight that you would help every single one of us recognize thoughts that
are negative, that are limiting, that are orphan mentalities, that Lord, that
they've kind of compacted with other thoughts layered upon layered upon
layered, but Lord help us to know not only the thoughts, but the root of those
thoughts, the source of trauma, the source of the.
wounding that has kept us bound and stuck because we believed lies about ourselves because of what
we've gone through, what we've seen, what we've experienced. So Lord, I just thank you. I thank
you for coming, for dying on the cross, Jesus, for setting us free. And Holy Spirit, I thank you that
you're here with us, that you're weaving in and out of the Zoom room into every space where people
are going to watch the replays. God, that you would help us to hear you clearly. Remove all distractions
help us to know that we matter in this time tonight and in the days to come matter. In Jesus' name,
amen. So last week, welcome for those that have joined just recently. So glad to have you here.
If you're joining us for the first time, please let us know. We want to welcome you. I've welcomed
all my ladies returning as well. Hopefully you guys always know that that is something that
we're going to do over and over. Single Spotlight is for people beyond outside of heartwork. So
heartwork ladies are going to be right here with me tonight. Hopefully they're not over there
hanging out, looking at things, dating that are not where they're at in this season. Content for
tonight we're going to dive into. I know, I know it gets distracting because you all see things
she's talking about on IG, Instagram, or Facebook and you're like, what am I missing out? FOMO,
darn it. But you're not. You're going to be right on time for your spirit made a promise.
I really, really do promise. It's amazing how that works out. Beth Glover, welcome for your
first live session too. So glad to have you. I think I missed a question here too. I see
Jennifer said, in case I missed it somewhere, what is the major subject for Friday? Oh,
so we do prayer, Jennifer, seven days a week. Okay. So Monday through Thursday is women only
from 10 a.m. to 11 a.m. Eastern time. All of the events, anything that is available to you
here in the heartwork is in your events calendar. So if you go under the events tab and look at the
calendar, yeah, you'll have links for all of the prayer things that are open, but Monday through
Thursday is women only. Friday is our co-ed. So men are invited to that as well. And we call it
faith Friday. And then Saturday, Jackie comes in. Typically it's Jackie, but this past week,
it was David. Sometimes I lead it depending on the schedule. But it's what we call supernatural
Saturday, where we're leaning into heaven and hearing what God is wanting to say over the
community. And then Sunday night, typically three weeks of the month, we call it Sunday night
activation. One of our leaders, Candy, typically comes and leads that. And it's basically to
activate the word from supernatural Saturday and help you guys learn how to unpack that more. And
then one Sunday night a month, we do prophetic ministry night, last Sunday night of every month,
typically. Pretty awesome. So if you all did not know that already, that's kind of the kind of
quick rundown. And then of course, your live sessions for heartwork here in this phase are
Mondays at 1pm or 8pm Eastern Time. And you all are here tonight. So identity, we started talking
about that last week. We're going to dive into that a little more. And then we're going to build
on it regarding belief systems and things that we get stuck in. And so I want to activate you all
really quickly. And what I mean by that is get you to talk to me and be interactive with me. And so
I want you in a moment to not hold anything back. I want you to be honest with what comes to your
mind quickly and immediately. Okay? I want you to fill in this blank. Basically finish this statement.
I am blank. What comes to mind for you can be a word, it can be a phrase, anything. I am
fill in the blank. Put that in the chat for me. Let me start to see those. I am funny. I am tired.
I'm single. I'm complicated. We're going to talk about these. I'm lost. I'm happy. I'm loving. I'm
overweight. I'm smart. I'm sorry, I'm going fast now. I'm loved. I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm creative.
Anymore. I'm waiting. I'm sad. I'm waiting. There's another one. People joining in that together. I'm
doomed to stay stuck in poverty and without. I am free to explore.
See if there's any others. Y'all can keep putting those in the chat if they come to mind.
I am beautiful and wise and focused. Yes, you are, Joy. You're focused. You're finishing the heartwork.
All right, girl. I am seen. I'm happy. So as you all, if you have more come to your mind, I would
encourage you to go ahead and keep putting those in the chat. I want you to jot down any that you
wrote in the chat on your journal or piece of paper because I want you to take some time this
week with those as we start to unpack this content tonight. Hopefully, you're going to get some
breakthrough if you had negative thoughts that came to mind. If you had positive, happy thoughts,
that's awesome. But the reality is, ladies, unfortunately, most of us,
have more negative thoughts every single day than we have positive thoughts and
that comes from our inner programming from the lies we believe because of the
trauma or the wounds that we've been through and as you heal you hopefully
will start to recognize and notice more positive thoughts more positive thoughts
but it doesn't mean the enemy will ever stop trying to get us to believe the lie
okay so we armor up we set our face like Flint and we know that God's truth is
what we can stand on but we're going to talk to you a little bit more tonight
about how to actually have the a healthy inner dialogue so that you can actually
have good thoughts that you're thinking on on a more regular basis but I want
you to know it's not about behaving well it's not about you know like oh my gosh
I'm so bad I have all these native thoughts I just have to stop stop stop
yes we want to stop but the thing is we don't want to punish ourselves because
again these are typically things that are happening because our subconscious
has an inner dialogue that we learned because of things that we went through
the lies that we believed because of the wounds or the trauma I'm going to keep
saying that you guys are going to hear that so much in heart work that
hopefully you will leave and you will remember okay this isn't truth right now
this is a lie that's surfacing because of the trauma or wounds I've been
through and you can start asking God to help you differentiate between the
thoughts and hopefully you will grow in discernment hopefully you're going to
grow in wisdom to recognize thoughts quickly the Bible says that we should
cast down every negative thought we should take them all captive and cast
them down and what make them obedient to the what the Word of God right so what
is the truth in Christ Jesus we have to learn that we have to unbecome the
things that we've learned in a negative way we have to unthink negative thoughts
and we have to practice thinking positive thoughts do you all know that
when we think a lot of negative thoughts it creates grooves and pathways in our
brain that actually have to be rewritten this isn't just an automatic easy thing
so if for some of you if you're working on trying to think more positive and
then you just like man you're struggling and it's really really hard well it's
because you're rewriting like with God's help of course it's not just
something we do but like it takes time to rewire our brains it takes time for
our bodies to listen and hear something different because Brian and I are doing
foster to adopt classes man we've been learning a ton and I just wanted to
share something that when we are watching it was a trauma and based
trauma-informed therapy training that we did this past weekend and it was
talking about children from 0 to 3 talked about children of every age but
here's the thing from 0 to 3 years old that is when a majority of our thoughts
like what we believe about safety about love about trust that's when it's formed
and then everything else kind of keeps building on top of that so if when we
were little babes 0 to 3 if we were crying crying crying in our crib and for
whatever reason parents didn't come and take care or there was neglect y'all
that goes into the subconscious okay so this isn't about hating on your parents
right now it's not about blaming them but I'm sharing this because I I've
heard it before but hearing it in this context I don't know it just kind of
reopened my eyes all over again to like oh okay so one of the cool things is
this in in this session they were talking about different attachment
styles I'm not going to get into that tonight but I want you all to know one
of the things they said that I want you to understand is that we can learn to
heal and we can learn to securely attach but it will take time especially if
we're already adults okay because we've had the wrong program for a long time
but you can unbecome unhealthy versions of yourself every day so you can also
learn to become who God is originally created you to be which is a part of the
original identity that he gave us before wounds or trauma ever entered our month
our minds our hearts our lives before we were ever neglected before we were ever
forgotten or abandoned or rejected any of that stuff he's rewriting I'm
hearing the Lord say he's rewriting the code in our hearts and our souls and our
spirits and we just have to keep partnering with him in this process so
if you've been struggling and just feeling like man I don't know if this is
ever gonna change I don't know if I'm ever gonna stop believing this negative
thing that I've
I want you to know that God sees you, He hears you, He loves you, and He is walking with you to try to assist you in the retraining of what you learned before.
So, what thoughts are you currently aligning with in this season of your life that are not aligned with God's truth for you?
You don't have to put those in the chat, but I want you, if they come to your mind as I keep going on tonight,
I want you to jot them on your paper because I will give you some instructions on what we're going to do with those later, okay?
So, as you remember from last week, we talked about Adam and Eve and what happened when they sinned in the garden.
It said, I'm not going to go into the full scripture because I already read that last week.
So, if you haven't seen that yet, for our new ladies, you might want to go back and watch that replay from last week.
Because I won't circle back to that for almost, like, probably six weeks and you guys might be gone by then.
So, go back and watch that replay. It's really powerful.
Do the silhouette activation. It's okay. You won't be behind. Just do it when you're able.
But I think that will be really, really helpful for you.
But one of the things I said is that they hid.
You know, God's walking and He's like, you know, where are you? Basically.
And they're hiding behind a bush and when God calls them out from there, basically, God's like, why are you hiding?
And Adam's, like, saying this stuff back and forth and then he says, this is what God says to Adam.
Who told you that you were naked?
So, I use this as a setup because who or what are you currently getting your identity from?
Adam knew that he was naked because he ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, right?
So, the reality is when we believe lies that the enemy feeds us when we go through wounds or trauma,
it's like we're eating from the apple, if you will.
Our eyes become open to evil, to darkness.
We believe and perceive something because of what we're going through.
And sometimes it's accurate information, you all, and sometimes it's not.
As little children, we do not have the capacity to understand trauma.
Our brains are not even developed enough at that age.
One of the things that's said this weekend, too, that I thought was super interesting, and I don't want to misquote them,
but I wrote down age for women typically 20 to 25 years old is when our brains become more fully developed.
Think about that.
How much trauma have you all seen leading up to your 0 to 20 or 0 to 25 years of age?
I don't know about you all, but I saw a lot of trauma, experienced a lot of trauma.
And if my brain wasn't even fully formed yet to comprehend or handle that,
well, then that typically is going to mean that I'm going to interpret some of those things incorrectly, most likely,
because I don't know how to compute it.
So for those of you that have been really hard on yourselves,
because you, again, have been struggling with the same cycles in your mind for a long time,
I really want you to extend some grace to yourself.
I feel the Holy Spirit on this as I'm circling back to it.
Reprogramming takes time.
It takes grace.
I'm speaking to myself, too.
It takes grace.
Our bodies getting reprogrammed and learning that we're not in trauma anymore,
that we don't have to be in a fight-or-flight mode anymore takes time.
So who or what are you currently getting your identity from?
So what we've eaten, again, taken in through the trauma or experienced or witnessed,
is one of the things that we typically get our identity from, unfortunately.
Also, what have people said to you?
What have people said about you?
Is that what you're allowing to inform your mind and your thinking and your heart?
And then also, who does the enemy say that you are?
What are the things that the enemy is saying to you?
And then who does God say you are?
I often talk about the importance of, like, when we have thoughts, pausing,
and not just, like, receiving every thought as it's from us,
but pausing and saying,
Okay, Lord, I just had this thought.
Is this my thought?
Is this your thought?
Or is this a thought from the enemy?
And slowing down enough to recognize,
Okay, man, this thought I just had, this didn't even come from me.
The enemy is trying to assault my mind right now.
And then that's going to give you the authority to know that you can stand up against that stuff.
When it's your own thought, that shows you can do it.
that there's some reprogramming stuff that needs done there, right? So I want you guys to start
slowing down and paying attention to the thoughts that you're thinking. What are you hearing? What
are you thinking? What's coming in when something hard happens? Is your go-to thought that God
abandons you and he doesn't ever come through for you? Is your go-to thought, like somebody said it
earlier, I'm doomed to stay stuck in poverty and without things. These are things, these are go-to
trigger thoughts when we go through hard times. So what does your root system look like? What do
I mean by that? I mean, I want you to look on the internal. Look at what's going on in the depths of
your soul and understand that everything that's on the inside, it has to get its nutrients from
somewhere. So is the soil of your heart good? Is it healthy?
Or is there like toxic waste in there that's disrupting the growth of your tree, so to speak,
the growth and the healing of your heart, and it's causing all this toxicity to come outward?
Because remember, Luke 6 45 says this, a good person produces good things from the treasury
of a good heart and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart.
What you say, I added, or think flows from what's in your heart. Out of the overflow of the heart,
the mouth speaks. We hear this scripture a lot, but it's true. If our internal systems have a
bunch of negativity in them, well then that's what's going to come out. So are your roots giving
your life, excuse me, giving you life, or are they causing you to decay? And for the reality is
sometimes we can be thriving in one area and really starting kind of atrophy, decay in another
area. It can be both and. Are your roots causing you to expect the worst while trying to have hope
for the best? I actually read a devotion about that this morning, that's why I put that in there.
We're saying we're believing for hope, like we want to have hope, we want to believe,
but at the same time we're like, I don't, I don't really think God's going to do this for me.
It makes me think of the scripture that also talks about the bitter, you know, bitter water,
you know, and the good water. They can't, you know, the spring water and the bitter water,
they can't both come from the same spring, you all. It's just not, it's just not how things work.
So we need to allow God, as like Psalm 6, uh, 51 talks about creating me a clean heart, oh God,
oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit in me.
God, remove all the junk, remove all the unhealthy, toxic things that I have believed.
Help me to see myself more clearly. Help me to see you more clearly.
Father, come and place the balm of Gilead upon my heart, upon every wound, on every trauma.
Heal me from the inside out. And when we pray into those things and lean into that more and
more, God will reveal these areas for healing that you need to know about.
Are your roots causing you to partner with doubt and unbelief?
So how can you tell what's in your roots? I kind of mentioned it a little bit ago. I don't know if
you recognize it, but it's looking at the fruit in our lives. Same thing as we're looking at the
fruit in other people's lives. So what is the fruit of your life? What is the story it's telling?
And this isn't about pretending that you're good.
We're not going to talk about this in depth tonight because I talk about it in another
session, but I want to kind of bring up the mask, the kind of the mask that we live behind.
I've got it all together. I've got to be perfect. I've got to act happy. But if you're dying on the
inside, you know, let's look at that. Let's look at that with the Lord. But if you're someone who
you've just always been sad and depressed in as long as you can remember, I want you to understand
that's that is also something that you've learned, but that can be broken with counseling. In addition
to this coaching, you know, a lot of care, a lot of reprogramming work. You can learn how to live
a victorious life. You can be an overcomer, not just a survivor, an overcomer. Okay. So now we're
going to talk very quickly. Oh, sorry. I want to turn to something really quick. I'm going to go
further into this, what I'm talking to you all about, about the fruit and the roots. Give me one
second. All right. So what you believe about yourself, you become. So that's kind of what
I'm getting at. The roots on the inside.
side, what we believe about ourselves is what we're going to become. It's going to be what
we produce. For as a person thinks in his heart, so is he. That's Proverbs 23.7 from
the Amplified Version. So we want to look at whatever is coming out, again, is what
we're thinking on the inside.
Wrong thoughts are no longer just staying in our hearts. What's happening is they start
to multiply like little bunnies. That's what Jackie talks about and it actually is so true.
Have you ever seen a little nest of bunnies? Typically, bunnies have a lot of bunnies.
They rapidly multiply. And I think sometimes, I don't know if this is true or not, people
that are animal lovers or you know this information, you can tell me for sure, but I think there
are bunnies that can have litters more than once a year. I think that's why they talk
about how fast they can multiply. I don't know if that's true. Y'all can fact check
me and let me know. But don't do it now. Let's do it later. But anyways, I want you to think
about this from the aspect of what goes in our hearts massively, like rapidly reproduces.
For good or for evil in the sense. And so again, looking at what's coming out of your
heart and the fruit is going to help you see the areas that it's like a signal. It's like
boop boop like this is where you need help. This is where I'm stuck. This is where God's
trying to highlight things to you even tonight. So I want you to see how these can become
like vicious cycles that we live in. We just keep ignoring these things and we keep going.
Well, when we do that, then additional trauma or wounding happens and sometimes even through
our own actions. And then it's just building that stronghold deeper and stronger, deeper
and stronger. All right. So first, what we do is we try to believe or excuse me, we try
to recognize the lie. For example, I'm abandoned. That's a lie. If you believe that, that is
a lie that you're believing. Number two. Next, we speak the lie over ourselves. Nobody is
ever going to be there for me. Finally, we become the lie. This is the behavior toward
isolation, withdrawal from others, which then creates a false sense of abandonment. But
then it also causes that cycle to restart because now even more so we believe we're
abandoned. So here's the thing. We can't just stop believing these lies like automatic.
It would be great if that happened. The reality is we have to reprogram and it's just not
in our minds. You all it's down in our hearts. That's why the heartwork is so critical. It's
critical to our life source and everything. You guys want to live a good, good life,
abundant life. Well, we have to work on the heart. We have to work on the way that we
think. Okay, I'm going to skip ahead into the book and I want to talk very quickly about
some of the vows and things that we believe. All right. So I don't remember what chapter
this is, or I would tell you, sorry guys, but this is what it says. But even though you
won't be able to replace the actual events that happened in your life, you can replace
the lies that you have believed. And most importantly, the vows you made as a result of
them, as a result of the lies you believed. When we experience these hurts in life, they
make us sad. And when we are sad, that's when anger shows up. Anger is always the
defender. It always shows up when those wounded and vulnerable parts of our heart feel
threatened. And the way Jackie says is we like to think of it in this community as, you
know, anger is hurts bodyguard. So if you're feeling angry a lot, guess what? That's a
signal that you have parts of your heart that are hurting. They're sad, they're broken,
and they need some love. They need some attention. And God is trying to lead you into
freedom. And he wants you to not just keep being numb in the world. He wants you to be
fully alive. Don't you think just like, just like any parent, we want to see our kids
living fully alive. I love my girls so much when they're struggling. It is so hard for
me because I know God has so much more for them. And imagine how much greater God feels
when he sees us. And we're struggling. He just wants to help us step into freedom and
to heal. He wants us to have amazing, abundant lives. That is the father that we have. Okay,
I'm going to keep going. So when anger is around, this is what typically happens. We
feel strong. And we start to make inner vows. Nobody's ever going to hurt me again. I don't
care about anybody. I can't trust anybody. It's just easier being single. I will never
turn out like my father or my mother.
won't be made a fool of anymore.
Nobody is gonna tell me what to do.
I can't tell anybody about this.
This happens a lot in abusive environments
from when we're young, even as adults.
There are a lot of people that get abused, men as well,
where they're just completely embarrassed
and think they can't tell anyone about it.
Here's another one.
I will be perfect from now on so nobody can reject me.
There's so many more inner vows that we create,
but those are some.
We make a decision to harden our hearts
and it makes sense in the moment.
We think if we make these vows and build these walls around
to protect ourselves, to protect our hearts,
then we can just keep all the bad things out.
We don't have to risk love and being hurt again,
but unfortunately, walls are good at keeping everything out
and not allowing good stuff to come in.
So to stop surviving and start thriving,
we are gonna have to be able to let things in.
We have to start recognizing the lies
and their corresponding vows,
ask God to help those emerge and come out of us
so that we can replace them with God's truth.
The only way to heal, ladies,
is to replace the lies that we believe with truth.
And again, not just in our heads.
A lot of times, even in a lot of really healthy churches,
it's not name it, claim it, ladies,
but some people get really afraid
when we start talking about declarations.
Declarations changed my life.
They got me to where I was
before I even came into the heart work, okay?
But I've learned a lot more
that I needed to be able to declare it in my heart,
not just my mind.
And how could I declare it in my heart?
Well, I'll never forget the day
I finally believed that I was a bride.
Like in my heart, I believed it.
And y'all, I had been married before,
but even then, I really didn't feel,
I didn't feel ready to be a bride.
I didn't feel healed enough to be a bride
the first time around.
But through a lot of healing, a lot of restoration,
I started actually believing, I am a bride.
God is, I am God's daughter.
I'm worthy of good things.
God has good things for me.
And I started declaring it out of my mouth
because I actually believed it in my heart.
And for the first time in my life,
I remember my heart and my mind were in sync.
They believed the same thing.
And then the more that that happened,
the more that I was gaining momentum.
And that's how it works.
So what are the inner vows that you're believing?
Inner vows are a determination set in our mind
and our heart that like to try to protect us from pain,
as I was reading in the book.
It's something that happens subconsciously
because we're trying to protect ourselves
from being hurt by someone or something.
Romans 12, two says,
do not conform to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you will be able to test what God's will is,
his good, pleasing, and perfect will.
Here are a couple of other examples of inner vows.
I read a lot already, but these were a couple that I added.
I don't know if I read this one already.
I'll never be able to make anyone happy.
This happens a lot, again, like an abusive environment.
It can happen in any environment,
but a lot of times in abusive environments
where the people really are never happy,
you start to believe the lie
that you can never make anyone happy.
But the reality is,
is we don't even think we can be happy ourselves.
We're not even happy in our own presence,
let alone living in a way where other people are happy.
And here's the truth of all this.
It isn't our job to make them happy.
Truth.
When people are healthy and they live happy,
we get the blessing of the abundance of that fruit,
but it's not my job to make my husband a happy person.
So I want y'all to kind of receive that.
It's not your job to make your mom or your dad happy
or your siblings happy.
I was a little peacemaker as a kid, man.
Every time they fought,
I would be in between my brothers and sisters
trying to make everybody happy, trying to bring the peace.
And so I started living like that as an adult.
That's not my job.
That's God's job.
I can pray for you.
For them, I can sow good seed, I can speak truth
when I feel like the door is open to do so.
But even for years, I chased after my dad,
wanted him to be my dad, I wanted him to be my dad.
And you all, he just couldn't show up and be my dad.
And when I finally realized that,
and I quit expecting that from him, I became free.
I always prayed, God, help him to wanna be my,
help him to mature, help him to want to
walk in this mantle.
Now that never happened for my dad, unfortunately.
My dad struggled with shame until the day he died.
And he never could fully come and be a dad.
And that was a sad thing.
It's a sad thing that my dad was never able
to show up for that.
But one of the things I'll tell you is God sent
other people in my life, like my grandpa.
My grandfather was amazing, and he was a happy man.
And I got to glean from that in my life.
And there have been other people.
So I'm saying these things to you guys
because we sometimes start to believe it's our job
to make these people happy, and it's not.
Start with yourself first.
This is what we started out tonight with, right?
We work on healing in ourselves.
Stop looking at everybody else and what they need to do
and how they need to change.
And if this guy, if I can just believe long enough
for him to heal, well, then maybe we can be happy together.
No, if you weren't here when we first started out tonight,
I kind of drew the line there.
You guys, we have to just work on us
and allow God to let all the other things
start to work itself out.
And again, sometimes that doesn't happen
this side of heaven.
But I will tell you one thing, I 100% believe
when I get to heaven, I'm gonna know my dad.
And I'm gonna be able to be with him
and there won't be any pain.
That's a pretty incredible thing.
All that stuff will be gone.
And I will fully know him and he will fully know me.
I just believe that.
I don't know if it's true, but I believe it.
I believe God's gonna give me that gift.
That's what I believe.
And it's gonna be awesome.
So maybe for some of you, maybe that's a starting point
is just not trying to please everybody all the time
and make everybody happy.
Here's another one.
I'll never date or marry a Larry
or a guy of a certain ethnicity
or a guy with a certain job type.
These are kind of like going to the never will I ever
as it kind of crosses into those,
but we're not doing never will I evers tonight.
These are just vows.
But the reality is some of us make inner vows
after we have something go wrong in a relationship.
I'll never trust a man ever again.
Maybe some of you even had like things happen,
you know, with a female.
Like my sister also abused me sexually.
It wasn't just my brothers.
So I didn't feel safe with even like females either
for a long time.
So sometimes we'll have that stuff happen.
Okay, let me make sure.
Here's another one.
I'll never let my guard down ever again.
And then I wanna talk about always or never statements.
We're almost ready to do breakout session.
I want you to think about when or if you say things
like that are statements that have always or never in them.
For example, they always do that.
Men always think women can't preach.
One of the ladies put that in our phase three today
and I responded to her.
The reality is there's a lot of men and women out there
that they're in denominations that tell them
that women should not preach.
So ladies, you're gonna hear that at some point
if you believe that women should be able to preach
and teach from the pulpit.
And just understand that it's okay
if some people believe that.
You don't have to let that mess with you.
Not all men believe that.
I'm married to a man that thinks women can rock it.
I preach from the pulpit now
and he cheers me on and it's awesome.
We wanna really be careful.
They always do that or always or never statements
where we kind of lump people into a category or something.
I always get passed over.
Do you believe that other people always get to go
to the front of the line?
And this is kind of symbolic theoretical right now.
I'm not necessarily saying in line physically
but some of y'all even believe that.
You're standing on this long line
and then all of a sudden like,
okay, have y'all ever been in the grocery store
and the line is forever long
and you're waiting and waiting and waiting
and then somebody else will walk up
and somebody will turn their light on
and be like, hey, you can come over here.
And you're like, oh, I've been waiting.
Anyone else ever have that happen?
Well, you know, sometimes now in my healed heart, I don't think much of it, like, okay, it's fine, like, I feel pretty patient here in the grocery store, but I was, when I wasn't healed, and I was, like, not happy, I would get mad about that, like, man, I've been waiting, why didn't you come over and ask me if I wanted to go up in that line, you know, like, it'd be this victim mentality that would come out all over the place, okay?
So, do you believe that you always get passed over, do you believe that, you know, all your other friends get married first, all your other friends have babies first, all, like, these are all kind of the same things, and here's the reality, some of you, that is true, all of your other friends are married, but that doesn't mean you're not gonna be married, unless you partner with that, and that's the story you start telling yourself, what we believe we become.
Men never come through for me, there's, again, always or never, men never come through for me, men never pick me, I'm never seen or noticed, that often partners with the I'm always passed over, by the way, I'm never seen or noticed partners with I'm always passed over.
So, as a reminder, always or never statements or thoughts can signal to you areas that you have inner vows at work, so if you're like, I don't know if I have inner vows or not, A, number one, just pray, okay, even if you don't know them right away tonight, pray into this, God will start to show you, but number two, if you do tend to say things that have always or never statements in them, or things that are similar to that, that's gonna be a signal, okay, you have an inner vow in this,
there's something you're believing internally, that you've partnered with, and you've vowed this thing, and it's causing you to be stuck, alright, so in the breakout session tonight, that's what you're gonna talk about, you're gonna talk about what inner vows or intrusive thoughts, if you're not sure of an inner vow, what are some of the intrusive thoughts you've been having, intrusive, like they just come in and bombard your mind, very negative kind of thoughts, that's what we're talking about,
alright, and so, I'll put you into these breakout sessions, groups, excuse me, and then if you have some extra time when you're in there, talk about the question first, but get to know each other a little bit if you have time, hold on one sec, sorry, y'all,
I feel like I always apologize, I've had so many allergies since I've moved to Florida, this is how it was when I first moved to Kentucky, I had these allergy issues for years, praise the Lord, I'm believing that it won't take as long this time, alright, so I'm gonna do 7 minutes, that should give you guys about 2 minutes and 15 seconds, so short, brief, and powerful, okay, and then go ahead and click, that's gonna pop up on your screen right now, click as quick as you can to get in that group so you have more time to talk,
click, click, click, click, and then as they're in there, if some of you are staying in the main room because you're driving or you're not able to go on breakouts, I'm gonna pray here in a minute,
we have someone from New Zealand, alright, Rebecca's from New Zealand, alright, Teresa, are you able to click to join, make sure I have people in rooms together, alright, I think we've got everyone kinda situated, Father, thank you so much for this night, we thank you, God, for everything that you're doing, we thank you for the revealings for healing that are happening,
God, I pray that you would just continue to connect all the dots, Lord, where we've had any confusion, where we've felt stuck, where things have been really hard in our lives, I thank you that you would, just even as your word declares, that you would transform us by the renewing of our minds, that all things would pass away and behold, everything would become new,
that we would turn away from old behaviorals, old patterns, God, that we would unbecome the versions of ourselves that are counterfeit identities, that are not a part of the identity that you originally created us to live into, and I thank you, God, for, Lord, revealing inner vows even now as ladies are talking, sorry, y'all, as ladies are talking in the groups, as people are here in this main room, even people that are gonna watch the live,
God, I pray that you bring those things out of the darkness into the light, help them to even remember always or never statements or even notice them this week when they come to their minds or speak them out of their mouths, that you would just bring a revelation, like, oh, that's what Bethany was talking about this week, oh, my gosh, that's a thought I'm having, that's an area where I have a vow, God, I thank you for revelation, I thank you for insight that comes from heaven, God, I thank you that you would, I just saw kind of like, I heard the word reveal,
frame and then I saw somebody taking a photo so ladies I want you to imagine like God just helping
all of you tonight like he's taking new photos he's trying to create a new frame for you to see
things through but we have to recognize the frame that we've been looking at things through from
like in the past so that we can see the new as well and so Lord we just thank you right now for
helping us to see all the new things um in the areas that we have been been seeing things through
a wrong lens through a wrong frame and a wrong perspective we thank you for healing for grace
we thank you for changing the the soil in our hearts even right now as I'm flipping through
the book ladies in chapter sorry I gotta see which one it is in chapter eight the oh thriving
and not surviving chapter very fitting this is where Jackie talks about the different soil the
wasteland soil this rocky soil the weedy soil and then the good soil so you want to check that part
of chapter eight out in the book if you don't know about the soil in your heart and what the
different types of soil even mean that will give you a good understanding of that um but I want
you to know that God wants us to all grow into the good soil that's the kind of soil he wants
in our hearts and then it does take time so remember to give yourself a lot of grace um and
just continue to take steps forward and again remember that we heal day by day by day I used
to hear um a really um Joyce Meyer I think is the minister she used to talk about God taking us from
glory to glory to glory and that used to minister to me so much and that always comes back up in my
spirit when I start talking about taking it day by day by day that we would take one step forward
in our healing process every day Psalm 1 chapter 1 verse 3 in the Passion Translation says this
he will be standing firm like a flourishing tree planted by God's design deeply rooted by the brooks
of bliss bearing fruit in every season of his life he is never dry never fainting ever blessed
ever prosperous and I want you to know that that is God's declaration over all of us tonight
that he wants us to be ever blessed ever prosperous in every area of our lives that he
wants us to be made completely whole lacking no good thing that means wholeness in every area
this week we're starting to talk about in a new series called Hesed my husband can say it a lot
better but um basically uh as I was working on a lesson for the little kids um we're gonna really
focus on staying love so I want you to kind of just deposit that into you all tonight as well
that God is the kind of God that stays just like Ruth stayed with Naomi she didn't leave even when
Naomi was like hey you know go back to your original family you don't have to stay here
she released her and Ruth what what does she do she chooses to stay she chooses to honor Naomi
she goes out and works in the field to help provide so much beautiful um like language and
words in that whole book of the Bible but I want you to understand that God is trying to convey his
heart to you through that truth as well that God is a God who stays he doesn't abandon us he doesn't
forsake us he doesn't he's not a trickster he doesn't dangle carrots in front of our faces
and then be like oh just kidding I'm not gonna give that to you no he he's consistent and he
shows up all along the way um Psalm 119 verse 76 in the Passion Translation says this
send your kind mercy kiss to comfort me your servant just like you promised you would
and I just feel led to say that and even kind of pause for those of you that have been struggling
in any area of grief that God would bring his kind mercy kiss to comfort your heart to comfort
your mind and your spirit tonight just like he promised he would again he is faithful he shows up
and he continues to show up and he's not going to ever turn away from us Jeremiah 24 verse 7 says I
will give them hearts that recognize me as the Lord they will be my people and I will be their
God for they will return to me wholeheartedly again there's that wholeness that being made
whole completely whole lacking no good thing and God is rewriting our stories he's trying to help
us redirect recalibrate to understand new good things about ourselves God we just thank you
right now that you would just um yeah we thank you for new programming to help our eyes to see what
your spirit sees to our ears to hear what your spirit is saying louder than any voice of the
enemy we thank you God that you would protect our minds from any onslaught of the enemy any
lies that he sends our way that we would um yeah just continue to have the loving kindnesses of
that lead us to repentance, that we would hear those things and that we would choose to turn
away from things that are not serving us well, ways of sin and living below the abundant good
life that God has for us, even in our minds and the way that we think about ourselves and other
people. We thank you, God. In Psalm 139, verse 14, it says, I will give thanks and praise to you,
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works, and my soul knows it very well.
So just a reminder tonight that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. God didn't make mistakes
with us. He didn't mess up. He didn't create us and be like, oh my gosh, put it back, put it back,
put it back. I didn't want it. I messed up. No, he was like, man, she's awesome. She's everything I
wanted her to be. I'm so amazed at this creation that has come forth. So we want to, we want to
meditate on those things and lean into that and lean into the identity of who God has created us
to be. Welcome back, ladies. So glad to have you joining us again. Our activations for this week,
they're going to be up in the group. So if you're not sure where to find them, you're going to go
to the community tab and you'll see the activation post there in the text will be the information
about the activations. But there are two activations this week. Number one, I talked
about it tonight. Caught a thought. I call this one. I caught a thought. You want to track your
thoughts this week. I want you to pay attention. How many negative thoughts are you having?
Are you stopping those negative thoughts? Are you catching them a little quicker?
Here, here's the thing. When you do this, don't get down on yourself. Okay.
This is just a met like kind of help you measure and start to pay attention.
Some of y'all are going to be like, Oh man, I used to like think on this for weeks and now
I only thought about it for a day. That's growth. I want you to celebrate that stuff,
but we have to start by first recognizing the things that are keeping us stuck. That is negative,
kind of that stinking thinking, if you will. And then I want you to create a post in the group and
tell us about it. What, what's the negative thoughts you caught? All right. Number two,
inner vows. And again, as you understand them, as you recognize them, that would be when you
do this. Hopefully a majority of you will recognize them pretty quickly. Create a post
in the group about what the Lord has been revealing to you about inner vows. And if you're
like, okay, I heard this tonight. I still don't get it. You can come into the group and say that
and we'll help you. Okay. So don't, don't isolate. Let us like, there's never going to be a dumb
question. Ladies ever, ever. We're never going to shame you for a question that you ask. Even if
you ask about guys, I'm going to lovingly, hopefully you feel that love. I'm going to
lovingly be like, Hey, remember in heartwork, you're not dating. We ask you to press pause,
you know, and we're going to kind of redirect you in that. But you know, we can't make you do
anything. It's your choice, but we're going to encourage you to press pause on dating.
But that's kind of the biggest thing, or if someone just, I recognize a lot of really
broken thinking, I'm going to try to lovingly be like, Hey, want to encourage you kind of
to shift out of this mindset, but it's never going to be a dumb question.
Explain more on declarations. So like positive declarations are, for example,
what I have done in my life is like, if I was thinking something negative, I would find the
truth to replace that lie, which we kind of walk you guys through. I will go through the revealing
for healing cycle. I think it's two weeks from now, I think, where I'll walk you all through
that a little more, how to get to the truth to replace the lie. But then I will form like a
declaration statement out of that truth. So it might sound like I, Bethany Cooper, am more than
a conqueror through Christ Jesus. I am enabled to do abundantly above all God, like I could ever
ask, think, or imagine, you know, like I might just start using scripture to like declare positive
things about my life and my direction and what God has for me. But those come from truth. That's not
so much just again, like forming something. It typically, I love to do it when I'm really feeling
and sensing God healing something. And then I want to write a positive declaration. Sometimes I'll
just do it with scripture, like I said, and that's been really effective for me. So great question,
Kaylee. All right. Awesome. So those are the activations. Be looking for those posted in the
group. And then I'm going to go ahead and go to Yash first, and then Lisa after Yash.
Thanks, Bethany. I'll make it quick. So I think some of the intrusive thoughts that
take my inner peace for the past couple of years would have been actually is legalism.
This has been hiding for
for years, because I kind of, you know, put it back. But when I was doing the hard work,
I realized that it came up more. It's like it surfaced more. And I was thinking what
really causes because I got to know the Lord when I was 30. And I was born as a Buddhist.
So there were a lot of rituals involved. And even when I didn't want to go to the temple every week,
but my mother dragged me, you know, but I liked it or not, it was kind of a command.
So I was wondering whether that has anything to do with it. But if you have any helpful tips,
Bethany, I mean, I would love to hear it, because I've been really struggling with this.
And even when I pray to God, I kind of pray a couple of times. And I wonder whether God heard
my prayer. So I know that's crazy at times. But I'm really open to hear any of your recommendations.
Yeah. So tell me, like, how does the legalistic thought show up today?
Like, what does that sound like now?
Whether God heard me, or whether did I pray to God correctly?
Did I reverend him correctly? Things like that.
Okay, so it could be legalism, but I actually think it might be perfectionism, Yash.
Okay.
So the legalism is more like, shame based, which it is a little bit of that there. But
there's this level of, you know, striving, not feeling good enough, that's kind of underlying
in what you're just saying there. Like, did I pray to God enough? Did I do it right enough?
Like, all those kind of things that can, like I said, it's almost like legalism and perfectionism
partnering together and having a little baby, you know. And so we want to look at, okay,
yeah, you're going to have to unprogram some of that stuff. But one of the things we talk about
in this community is that hurt in community, healed in community. One of the ways you're
going to heal is by like, going and experiencing church now. So like, when you pray, you know,
talking, I mean, there are times where I don't talk to the devil a lot, but like,
like where I'm like, I'm not going to listen to that today. And then I'll declare the positive
thing over myself. So for example, if I was you, I would just be like, I know that the Lord loves me
and that he heard my prayer and I have grace in how much I prayed. Like, I'm just going to start
like standing up against that stuff instead of always questioning myself, always, you know,
doubting and, and believing that I didn't pray enough or that I'm not holy enough to go, you
know, back in the day, you know, they wouldn't let the people into the tabernacle, right? They
kept the people on the outside, the religious leaders, that's where the legalism comes in.
But the reality is, is the door is open to you because it was open through Jesus Christ.
But it's whether or not you believe the door is open to you and you're not being held on the
outside, like you're not good enough to come in. And that's, you know, that internal dialogue is
going to come through again, receiving the truth, standing up against the lies and, and literally
just like, God, I trust that I am, I have grace and that your blood covers me that I'm free in Jesus
Christ. You know, and, and I'll tell you, sometimes it is just the enemy coming in, trying to convince
us that we're not Christian enough. We're not good enough. Um, and so, I mean, literally the other
day, I was sick or like last week a little bit. And so I just wasn't feeling like myself. And, um,
the enemy was just trying to like, kind of get on me about like, I hadn't done enough kind of same
thing you're saying. Like I hadn't done enough. I hadn't prayed enough. I hadn't read the Bible
enough. Well, here's the reality. The word of God is in me. It's in me. It's in me. Yes. I 100%
love to read the word of God. I believe it's important, but I don't think that that's all
there is to me as a Christian, as a daughter. This, the spirit of God lives in me and I am with
him and he is with me and I can abide in him all the time. And so again, like I have, I have to
talk to myself, even as I'm saying this out loud to you, it's kind of reaffirming things God was
already talking to me about when I was going through that this week. Well, last week, but
like kind of the tail end of last week. So hopefully that's helpful for you ladies. We
really have to, the more that the days get darker, I'm just going to not in the sense of just scary,
but we just have to be aware of this stuff. As the days get darker, we are going to encounter
this stuff more. So we have to continue to remember we're covered by the blood.
Jesus died to set us free. He died so that we could be one with him and the father and the Holy
Spirit. And we're covered even if we never did another thing.
We are abundantly loved.
And basking in those truths, Josh, I think is going to be a good thing for you.
Okay, thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Yeah, great question.
Really, really good question.
Lisa, go ahead.
I have a feeling that Catherine Clark was before me, but I don't know.
Well, I can go to Catherine next.
It's okay.
I saw you're on my box next.
It's okay, Lisa.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, so actually, this is so interesting that this is all coming up tonight because
about six weeks ago, I got really triggered when I was being coached by you.
And I realized I was mad and I just held it in.
But I'm very aware.
I'm not saying I'm always aware right away, but I had to look at that.
I was like, why am I so mad?
So basically, I'll tie that in in a minute.
So what that was about, I was sharing and you had made a comment and you said,
Lisa, why didn't you take somebody with you?
And my immediate response was, no one's ever there for me.
I was going to be like, are you kidding?
No one's ever there for me.
That was the height of my tone in my head.
And I held it back.
But I also said that I hadn't shared this with anybody, this topic.
And also, personally, truthfully, I was very happy to be on my own and confront
this person who had molested me after all these years as an adult, being able to come
to him and speak for myself from a child when he had molested me.
So anyway, that was one thing.
And I just haven't circled back with it yet.
Part of it was I wasn't ready.
Then I got sidetracked, just super busy on something else right now.
But then tonight, I was at Walgreens.
This is like an hour ago.
And I just thought, oh, how fascinating that this is all kind of connecting.
I was at Walgreens.
I'm standing in line.
There's one cashier.
She's helping somebody.
And then there's another cashier working in the photo department, like right next to her,
the counter over.
And she's putting all these film, you know, these people's pictures together, whatever,
putting them in a bag and putting them away.
And I'm thinking to myself, OK, does she just like not see me?
Like, hello.
And so I thought, OK, well, Lisa, instead of being mad about it, why don't you just go
talk to her?
And so I went over there and I was like, excuse me.
I go, is your register open?
Giving her the benefit of the doubt, right?
And she's like, well, it could be.
And I was like, reacted.
I don't normally get like this, but I was like, I said, I guess, are you telling me
that you're not going to help me?
I was pretty confrontational, right?
I was like, so are you telling me you're not going to help me?
And she was then she backpedaled.
I felt I think she I know she felt really bad.
And she's like, oh, what I was trying to say is that my register is not open yet, but I'm
happy to open it for you.
And so I was like, oh, I said, OK, you know.
And then there's these people in the background who had just gotten their photo taken for
a visa or something.
And I could feel this lady staring at me.
And I was looking down and I was like, man, I have so much shame right now.
Like, I can't even look at her because I felt like my reaction just wasn't my tone wasn't
nice.
There was a better way I could have responded.
Right.
And so then I was like, OK, this is really not cool.
I was still kind of mad, you know.
And then I was just like, oh, and then this cashier is like being just overly nice to
me now.
And so I'm sure and then I felt really bad because I thought, oh, gosh, she feels horrible
because she's totally trying to compensate now.
And then I'm thinking to myself, you know, I hope her manager didn't hear.
And now she's trying to really make it known that like, hey, I'm here to help this woman,
you know, all this dialogue in my head.
Of course, you can tell.
And I just was like, yeah, but then I got my car and I'm like, wow, Lisa, like, what's
wrong with you?
Like, that was really like that really wasn't very nice.
And then I was just like, you know, I'm just upset right now.
I just didn't think that was cool, you know, but I'm like, man, I wish I would have handled
that different because I didn't have to go that way, you know, and it's not like it was
the end of the world, but I sure paid for it.
I didn't feel good about myself.
Yeah, so a couple of things, a couple of things.
I'm getting a little feedback.
Hold on one second.
You might have to unmute here in a sec.
I just have to mute you while I'm talking because I'm getting feedback.
So a couple of things.
I think it's really great that you even were able to say out loud that something I said
offended you all.
Y'all, it's okay.
I can take it as a coach.
Some of y'all are going to get offended.
Remember that offense is an opportunity for an upgrade.
Hey.
Sometimes you're going to hear something that I say,
and I didn't mean it in the sense that,
hey, you should question yourself
about taking someone with you.
I love that you were able to say tonight,
hey, I really felt good about going on my own.
I felt like I needed to do that, and that's great.
But it is okay for me to bring on the flip side
because there's so many people watching these sessions
that I want to make sure not everybody's going to be equipped
even though I'm only coaching Lisa in that moment,
I'm coaching the whole room,
as well as everybody that's going to watch the replay.
And not everybody should go and face their abuser
in person by themselves.
And so I can understand why that might have felt
not great in that moment,
but I love that you brought it back tonight
when you're ready, which is good.
Hopefully in that,
it sounds like you were able to kind of like,
okay, Lord, why did this cause me to be upset?
But then interesting tonight that it happened at Walgreens
kind of essentially the same thing,
because what you said is no one's ever there for me.
That's what you heard that night.
And tonight, basic, you're like, does she not see me?
Which is very similar language, right?
So underneath of that, ladies, what we want to look at
is, okay, Lord, what is the root of these things?
And we can think that we know,
sometimes we do, we're like, okay,
I know that this goes back to this thing,
but we should still ask the Lord, like, okay,
is there something else I'm not seeing about this situation
or this root or this trauma
that's still causing me to have the lie come up so much
that I'm not seen, that I'm passed over,
that nobody's really there for me.
I have to do life alone.
I've always been alone.
I always will be, you know,
like where we start to then go down,
what happens is once we believe that first lie,
then a whole flood of things, right?
Which is what was unfolding in the store.
And I am also very glad that you recognized
that shame entered the room
because now you have more information.
Shame, guilt, and condemnation
are all from the enemy, you all.
So, Lisa, what was the dialogue
when you felt shame?
Was it, I'm just gonna ask you a couple of questions
that I want you to answer.
Was it, you're bad?
Was it, you should know better?
Was it, like, how dare you talk to someone that,
like, what was the underlying dialogue regarding the shame?
Such a good question.
This might take me a moment.
Okay, thanks.
Okay, I'm just gonna go with how it felt.
That's gonna be the way I can think I can get to this.
So I just remember looking down
and I could tell this person was looking at me.
And then I think it's just,
I think I just felt rude in the way my tone of voice was.
And that's what I felt shame about was like,
and it's interesting what's coming up right now.
I was raised and probably a lot of people
from my generation were raised like this.
If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
That's what's coming up right now.
Okay.
That's the way I was raised.
All right, so yeah, and this is really good, Lisa.
So a couple of things.
I also feel like it's interesting.
You said regarding the girl at the cash register,
does she not see me?
And then what's happening here
is you feel this lady looking at you.
I feel the Holy Spirit.
You feel this lady looking at you,
but now it's like, oh, now she sees the ugly part of me.
Well, that was a different lady.
That was a customer looking at me.
I know it's a different lady, but I'm saying to you,
look at this flip thing that's happening here.
You didn't feel seen by the girl at the register.
You're like, does she even see me?
And then after you had this reaction,
now you're actually seen by someone
and you're like hiding, like, oh my gosh.
Does that make sense, what I'm saying?
Yeah, that's really interesting.
It's both about being seen, right?
And then you said,
if you don't have anything nice to say,
don't say anything at all.
Okay, I really want you to look into that this week
with the Lord because sometimes that's said to us
when we're actually in pain
and we're trying to convey that we're in pain,
but we're saying it in a way that maybe a parent
or a teacher or a guardian doesn't like it
or it makes them uncomfortable.
That's why I even said what I said in the beginning.
Is it ever uncomfortable for a coach to hear like,
oh, you said something that offended me?
Yeah, but that's not your problem.
Do you know what I'm saying?
And I'm sure enough that I can handle that,
but sometimes people are.
are in situations where they don't know how to handle what someone is saying to them,
including parents.
And so they'll say these kind of shameful things.
Again, there's that shame.
It's like a shameful tone.
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Like basically what you're saying right now isn't valuable.
Okay.
So the two layers are, you didn't feel seen, no one's ever there for you, those kinds of
things partnering with, then you were seen and you're like, oh my gosh, she sees me right
now.
And I just act it that way.
And again, I'm not trying to put thoughts in your mind, but I'm just interpreting like
how I feel when I mess up in front of people.
And I'm like, oh, I don't want you to see that part of me.
And I think the other thing too, that I'm recognizing right now is that I think I always
want to be seen in a good light.
Like I want people to like me.
And I think a lot of us go through that, right?
And so it's, you know, that's not a way for people to really get a good impression of
you if you're kind of in your mind, if you feel like you're coming across like not very
nice in your tone.
Right.
You know?
So, but I do hear you.
I think that's something really good for me to really look at because it was interesting.
I mean, right as I was, you know, processing this all with you, the thing that came to
my head was like, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
And that was my mom.
That was what my mom would say to me, you know?
And so I was really quick to, you know, take action with what she told me.
Right.
Like, yeah.
And then I would get upset at other people.
I'd think like, gosh, how can they be so mean?
Like, you know, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
Like I wouldn't say that, but I would think it right because it was very programmed in
me.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, I have two more things and then I'm going to go to Catherine, but I feel like
this will help a lot of other people in addition to you.
So you said, you know, it's making you realize that kind of highlighting that whole, I want
people to like me.
Number one, do you believe that you're likable?
I do.
Okay.
Like deep down, not just in your head knowledge, deep down, do you Lisa Mendrix think you're
a likable person and getting to the core of that?
Because here's the reality.
If we don't think we're likable, not just when we're on good behavior and doing everything
right, but do you think you're likable even when you mess up?
Because here's the reality.
No, I don't.
I don't.
Most of us don't, but get this, get, get, get this.
You guys got to get this deep.
The reality is when you're married, that person is going to see your ugliness from time to
time because we all have flesh.
I feel the Holy spirit.
I'll just tell you.
Thank you.
Father.
We all have flesh.
We all fall short.
You guys are getting an echo.
And so the reality is, is we're all going to like have somebody seeing that stuff.
And we want to get set free from the shame and stuff now so that when you're married,
I mean, of course, hopefully a lot of it and majority of it is great, but I'll never forget
the first time Brian was like, I love you.
Even when you make mistakes, I mean, he makes mistakes too, and I love him, but so many
of us kind of goes back full circle to when I started tonight.
So many of us like we're so busy helping everybody else, but when it comes to us, we're kind
of put ourself on the back burner.
So many of us struggle to receive full acceptance.
Yes, Lord, full acceptance from the father, from people.
People work in companies and, you know, they put up masks and they pretend because heaven
forbid they're not, you know, they got to be everything to all people at all times and
they can't ever make mistakes even there.
You know, we got, we have to really look at this stuff, ladies.
Yeah.
Thank you so much, Bethany.
I just got one more thing and that's that I oftentimes don't feel like I'm good enough.
And I know it's for my parents leaving when I was 15 and I didn't live with my parents
my last years of high school and a lot of stuff happened after that.
So there's some deep stuff there.
And I did want to just circle back, not that I'm here to fix your feelings, but I hope
you've heard me say, yeah, no, you don't even have to remember I'm in charge of my feelings
and I'm good.
I, I promise you.
So we're, we're all good.
I was just talking about that because I think it's important for people to know.
Like, I get offended at people sometimes.
So we're all going to feel offense, but let, you know, will we let God use that to bring
about healing in us?
That's the question, you know, so yeah, I think it's really, really good, but thank
you so much.
You're, you're, you're good.
And I'm good.
And yeah, I love it.
This was a really great coaching session with you tonight.
Love it.
It's always good.
So much.
Always good.
Yeah.
And I'm going to try and affirm her a little bit right now, because I know that that takes
a lot of courage to say those kinds of things too.
So appreciate you.
Catherine.
Thank you.
Oh, you're welcome, Lisa.
Catherine, go ahead.
Well, I remember to start off with like last, last week I omitted about being on the spectrum.
So going through school and everything, I've always said that I was going to do better.
I wasn't going to be on disability.
I wasn't going to be on anything.
I was going to like succeed and do good in society.
So to start off with being a single mom, being in a place where I pretty much have my son
all the time, he's special needs, not easy to find a babysitter.
And even then, childcare costs are through the roof with everything else and inflation.
So to sit there and to try to ask for governmental assistance isn't easy to begin with as it
is.
But, you know, and I know I kept calling DSS up here a lot after applying for food stamps
for like the third time.
I never could get it on Long Island, but, you know, at the time I didn't die or die
or need it.
I was living with my parents.
This is me trying to do it on my own now.
And these have gone through from all this.
So credit cards, having to rely on credit cards more just to live, using the cash back
not to feel like, oh, my gosh, like things are that expensive.
So I applied for that during my spring break.
And I kept calling them and the whole thing because I really was afraid I was going to
sit around and wait around for a month for a rejection.
And that's exactly what happened.
So of course, I lost it.
Anger is deadly, hurts bodyguard.
But I'm also tired of fighting for things.
And I've had an ill feeling towards the government since 2020 anyway, with both the I can't leave.
I have to be like in quarantine and I can't go out and I can't.
So I kind of hated the government's 2020.
So to go through this on top of it, it's like I've already like hurt with them and
things are like rised up.
And I also have a difference of political opinions with them, too, because I can tell
they're blaming a candidate that I have an opposite view on.
So that just didn't go over well.
I'm like, oh, here we go, blaming that person again for something they're doing.
But here I am, Lord, like, where am I going to get breakthrough?
Where's my help?
I asked for help.
I get none.
And man, I hate paying income taxes to New York to pay for things that I can't use them
when I need it.
So the whole thing is just it's just really got me disgusted.
And then this is why I think things like I wish I was the president.
I wish I was the governor.
I wish I was in the government, I really am.
I can't hear you.
Oh, you're muted.
I was like, I couldn't hear you.
Sorry.
I'm like trying to talk to you and I'm muted.
So that was really awesome.
A couple things coming up on that.
Number one, I think it'd be really good.
And I don't know that I've ever talked about this on a session before.
And I'm not going to go too far into this.
So we're not going to talk government talk, but I think this is really applicable tonight.
I think you need to forgive the government.
I think that that's kind of a layer.
There's one layer of the healing here for the ways that you feel like the government
hasn't been there for you.
But here's the reality.
You said, I asked for help and I get none.
I think this lie is something you believed before the government incidences.
You know, whether it's from the ex, the parents, whatever that looks like for you, that you
would really lean into where did that lie take root?
I asked for help and I get none.
And really lean into healing all the layers and all the people that have done things that
have hurt you that led like when that lie would present itself essentially.
And then you partnered with that lie.
And then when the pressure, remember earlier I was saying when the pressure gets applied,
Lies tend to surface and kind of bubble out and they kind of rage out.
Sometimes that's what's happening right now.
The, the, the tough thing is, you know, we're all going to face, you
know, nose in our life, we're all going to face things where the door is closed.
And so what I want you to partner with is instead of it looking, and I know
this can be really hard because you need financial help, but instead of
looking at, at it, like rejection, maybe it is a redirection, maybe it's a not yet.
You know, and I'm not trying to give you false hope, but like, sometimes, you
know, we become the most, um, get the most ingenuity, if you will, when we
have to come up with like, okay, this answer is no over here, so Lord, what
can I do right now to change the dynamic of what I'm living in, right?
Because I'll tell you what, there was, there was a time when I didn't have
money coming in and I was single and trying to pay all the bills and trying
to support my spiritual daughters as well, because their dad wasn't able to
do it and their mom wasn't doing it.
She had checked out.
And I remember thinking like, I'm taking care of kids that aren't even mine.
God, I need help.
And I, it wasn't the government for government, for me, it was, I believe
the lie that God wasn't there for me and God wasn't coming through for me.
And the more that I believe those lies and partnered with them, the more I
believed it and the easier it became to say that over and over and over again.
It was harder to resist that lie and say, you know what, this is really hard right
now, but God, I know that you love me.
God, I know that you're a good provider.
God, I believe that you're going to help me figure out how to come up with, you
know, either I work a couple extra hours over here or God, I cut back on my
spending here, like whatever, you know, I had to get kind of like, have that
ingenuity, have that creative ability to seek God about a solution and take action
on things.
And sometimes that was stuff that was easy to figure out and sometimes it took
time, but a lot of the times it always led back to me shifting, me growing, me
healing, me starting to see money differently.
Um, a lot of people see money as kind of like a weapon, not a resource, right?
And the enemy just kind of holds this stuff over us.
Like we have no freedom.
And if we believe those things and we partner with those things, then what
member, what I said, we believe what we become.
If you believe you're always going to be somebody that doesn't have enough, that
you're never going to have what you need, that, what did you say?
I asked for help and nobody, like I get none.
Nobody wants to help me.
Nobody cares about me, whatever the other dialogues are.
Again, it's easier to believe those things.
It is.
It's harder to believe the truth, especially when our member, I said
earlier, the neuropathways literally in our brain are telling us they don't love
you.
So we got to get to the source.
We have to get to where did this start?
Who's the first person that you felt like, man, I really, I was asking them for
help and they didn't hear me.
They didn't see me.
They didn't pay attention.
They didn't come through for me and forgive those people as well.
It's really important.
Catherine, you're making so much progress.
I know that it might not feel like that, but I know that you're making
it feel like that sometimes because you've been going through a lot, but I
see you growing a ton.
Keep going, keep going, don't give up.
And even when it's hard, you come into the group and you post and you let us
coach you and you come on the lives.
And one day, one day there's going to be this breakthrough.
All this stuff is going to start to kind of create this momentum and it's going
to tip the bowl, if you will.
And there's going to be all these other blessings and things that God has been
preparing for you and he's not withholding.
He's preparing you to be able to contain it, to have the capacity to receive it.
Okay.
See how that, that there's like a shift in thinking there, ladies from God is
withholding from me, the government's withholding from me.
I never get what I need.
I'm always rejected to God.
I trust you.
You're a good father.
I trust that you're preparing me to receive the blessings that you're going
to lead me into in the days ahead.
God, even right now, when I feel hurt and alone, I feel rejected.
I trust that you're going to redirect me onto the right path, that somehow God,
you're going to provide for me and you're going to help me to partner
with you in the process.
There's just a totally different shift when we start thinking and talking like that.
And again, sometimes, ladies, we have to start speaking the truth before we get the truth
in here.
But getting the truth in here is going to happen through the heart work and through
the healing and the unpacking the lies that we've believed.
So that's the getting to the root of the matter, Catherine.
It's interesting even with all of that with me even having to ask the government for help
because truth be told, what I really would have wanted is a second job I can do online
because the problem is who can watch my son?
He's not easy.
And then I don't want all that money for my second job just going to babysitting because
then I'm working all those hours and I'm not getting ahead.
And I say this to God, it's like, well, I'm the one who like has him like his dad doesn't
really have him.
And then now we're like 200 and, you know, over 200 miles away from him, but he wasn't
really doing anything anyway.
And then of course, he was into drugs, so he couldn't.
But am I hearing you say what you really want?
What you really want from God is a second job that you can do and you can work from
home.
Is that what I hear you saying?
It's like there's something where I don't have to worry about a babysitting that.
Because it's like I was always fine with then give me another job.
I'll work around the clock, but then what do I do with this kid?
It's always been about that.
This is what we're going to do right now.
We're going to pause and everybody's going to agree with me and we're going to pray for
a new job for Catherine, for a new second job for Catherine.
Okay.
That's what we're going to do right now.
Father, thank you so much for Catherine.
God, you see her heart's desire.
You see the dynamics that she needs to be able to be there to care for her son without
having a second job outside of the home.
God, you know that she needs more income coming in to provide.
God, we thank you for doors of opportunity opening at the right appointed time.
God, I pray that you would increase her faith.
God, where she has doubt, where she has unbelief, give her faith.
Pour out a fresh measure of faith upon her.
God, I thank you that you would show her the right places to go, the right people and the
connections.
God, that you would just bring people that she doesn't even know that you would put Catherine
on their minds before they even meet her.
God, whether it's looking in the paper or looking online or a person that like just
has an opportunity that she maybe hasn't even met yet, or maybe she's met them and, and
just God, they don't even know she has a need.
God, I thank you that you'll just start to bring all these things together.
God.
Lord, when there's fear, God, we ask for your love to ground her because your perfect love
casts out all fear.
Fear has to do with torment.
So we just ask you to protect her mind, protect her heart, help her to continue to walk into
the fullness of everything that you have for her, God, that you would hedge your in on
every side.
And then when the enemy comes in like a flood, God, we know that your word declares that
you raise up a standard against him.
And we say that the enemy cannot torment her in this area anymore.
God, we thank you for jobs.
We thank you for opportunities.
We thank you for financial provision, God, and let it be so, and let it be so soon and
very soon.
And Jesus name.
Amen.
We believe with you and, and Hey, it may manifest right away.
It might just happen soon.
It might happen in a week, but no matter what I want to encourage you, keep believing that
God is a good father.
Who's going to lead you into good things.
Years ago, I can remember praying for money to fix my teeth.
I had a couple root canals that needed done.
I grew up in a family where just my teeth have been weak and all that.
I didn't know where it was going to come from.
I asked God for it.
I asked God for it and see the enemy would just, he would just keep saying, yeah, see,
God doesn't care.
God doesn't care, but y'all God was giving me money and I was choosing to spend it on
the girls.
That's not a bad thing, but I chose that, but you know what God is so good that several
years later in this last year, God gave my husband and I all the money that we needed
to not just get my teeth fixed, but to get his done.
Y'all, it might not manifest right away or it might, and we might use the resources for
something else.
We have to be willing to look at those things too, right?
But again, the enemy wants us to believe the lie and walk in those things.
It's easier to do that.
A fish going upstream when all the others are going downstream.
It's a lot harder, isn't it?
So you guys are going upstream and you're thinking right now.
You're fighting against all the other negative things trying to pull you backwards, but you're
going against it.
And over time, you're gonna create a new groove.
It's gonna start to like become like a part of who you are
to believe in the God that loves you, that provides for you.
Y'all, I can remember the first time I heard someone pray
and say like, God is putting your name
on someone's mind and heart right now.
And just thinking like, what?
Is that even possible?
Y'all, I believe now more than ever that that is possible
because I've seen it happen.
I've experienced things like this
where you just, you come into a situation.
Before I came into this community and took the coaching,
I was praying for somebody to partner with
to help people heal in their hearts.
I led an online ministry retreat weekend
called Healing Hearts.
That was my Healing Hearts retreat.
Lo and behold, God brings Jackie into my life.
At first it was to take her course.
I had no clue that I would end up working for her
in this community the last five years.
It's been an incredible journey.
I could have never imagined this myself.
God knew.
And little by little, one step at a time, he led me here.
Y'all better believe I've had to have a lot of faith
to stay, not because I don't love it,
but five years of warring against the enemy
because we're doing this work,
it takes faith to stay, right?
So some of you all, it's gonna take faith
to stay in the upstream, in the positive thinking.
All right?
But I wanna encourage you to go there.
I am gonna have to end the session tonight
because I have another thing here coming up.
I'm so sorry, Wendy and Arianne.
Will you guys come into the group and post in the group
what you were gonna share
so that I can give you some feedback there, please,
or my team can.
I love you, ladies.
It's been an amazing night.
God bless you.
I'm gonna pray us out.
Father, thank you so much for everything that you're doing.
God, thank you for rewriting our stories,
reframing our minds, God, retuning things.
God, I thank you that you would give us the tenacity,
the perseverance, the courage, and the grace
to swim upstream in our thinking, God.
We thank you for transforming us
by the renewing of our minds,
that all old things literally would pass away
and behold, everything would become new in us
from the inside out, God,
that we would become the daughter
that you always created us to be,
that we would step further into the fullness
of who you created us to be.
God, I pray that you would help your daughters
hear the gentleness of your voice over them tonight.
God, that they would sense your love tangibly
where they're at.
And even those that hear the replay for days to come,
God, I thank you that you would help them
to experience your love in a fresh way.
Give them sailor rest, guard and protect them,
and keep watch over them and their families.
In Jesus' name, amen, amen.
God bless you all.
I hope you guys have a good night.
We'll talk to you soon.
Bye-bye.
Thank you.
Bye, Bethany.
Bye, everybody.
Thank you.