All right, there we go.
Now we're working.
Awesome.
So good to see you, ladies.
How is everybody?
Got my chat up here.
So-so.
Yeah.
What's going on?
Just, just one of those days?
Just a little bit sick.
So.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
Yeah.
We had sickness just floating around our house.
So I know how that feels.
It seemed to linger with me and the kids for several weeks.
And I'm still, I still have a little bit of that like congestion, but it's, I'm coming
out of it.
So I'm really thankful.
Well, we'll, we'll be praying for some health and healing over you for sure.
All right.
Okay.
Well, let me go ahead and pray for us and then we'll get started with today.
Good to see Laura here as well.
Anybody else that's jumping in?
Okay.
So Heavenly Father, I just thank you.
I thank you for each and every one of these ladies on the call today, Lord.
And I think, thank you for each one of them that's watching and replay as well.
Lord, I thank you for David and Jackie and this, this community of amazing people and,
and, and leaders and, you know, what you are doing here, not just in relationships, but
in the hearts of your sons and daughters, God, I just thank you for being able to bring
us here to come together today.
And Lord, I just thank you for the desire that is in each one of these hearts, the hearts
of each one of these women to love well and to be loved well, not just by a spirit mate,
but just by you as well.
Lord, I just invite you into this conversation today.
You know, we ask that you quiet any confusion, any anxiety, any pressure, Lord, just replace
it with peace and clarity and your wisdom.
You know, as we talk about dating and discernment, you know, help us slow down and trust what
you reveal to us and over time.
Guard our hearts from rushing ahead.
Guard us from fear-based decisions and from overthinking like our interactions.
Teach us how to stay open without losing ourselves, Lord, and how to discern without closing off
too quickly.
Lord, I just give you this time today and we ask all this in Jesus' name.
Amen.
All right.
How is everybody?
All right.
I got two questions.
That's good.
All right.
I shouldn't have too much going here today.
I think this will be a very easy breezy teaching today.
Not much for housekeeping, kind of the usual, right?
If I have any newbies, do I have any?
I don't think I do.
I don't think I have any new ladies on for phase two, but we may have some watching and
replay.
And so if that is you, we welcome you watching and replay.
If you're new to phase two, definitely make sure that you're checking out all the tabs
in the app so that you're up to date with what you need to kind of move through this
phase successfully.
I always want to encourage you ladies to not rush through phase two, just like we ask you
not to rush through phase one.
Okay.
Some ladies do and some ladies don't.
Okay.
But if you did rush through phase one, we're going to ask you definitely don't rush through
phase two.
And if you did or didn't, and you feel like, wait, I got to go back to phase one.
I still have heartwork stuff.
All the ladies here will tell you we heartwork you in here too.
So don't, don't worry about not getting heartwork.
Heartwork is kind of the foundation here.
And it's something that you'll carry even into your relationships, into your future
marriages and such like that.
So just know that that never stops.
Yeah.
And just make sure that you're not, not rushing for sure.
That is the best advice that I can give you.
So, you know, let, let the Lord really guide this journey for you.
Each lady here is going to have different things that the Lord wants to highlight and
work in you to prepare you for the love story that he's written for you.
And so don't compare yourself to where someone else is at or where, you know, that is so
important.
And I know having.
done this myself. You know, I am a success story from Jackie's community. I joined in 2020 and I
didn't get married until September of 2023 and I didn't meet my now husband until the end of 2022.
You know, and I had that hopeful, you know, heart, open heart, like, oh, it's going to happen this
year. And then 2020, like, you know, going into 2021, I was like, okay, 2021. And then it didn't
happen. And I'm like, okay, 2022. And I was getting towards the end of 2022. And, you know,
I'm like, okay, why is it happening for everybody else and not me? And so,
I just want to, I say this to encourage you that it can happen in a blink of an eye.
And every piece of this journey is so intentional and the pieces will come together and the dots
will connect when everything aligns. And you'll see it and you'll be thankful for it. And you'll
understand it a little more. You might not understand it right now. I cannot tell you how
many times I was, like, not seeing it, you know. But just know that from someone who's been through
this program, who's been in this community now over five years, been coaching for over two years
now, God doesn't waste any of it. He really, really doesn't. So, definitely be gentle with
yourself. Let God be gentle with you too. Okay. So, just keep that in mind. Okay. Kelly, you have
a question about last night. If you want to put that in the chat. I was not able to check in last
night about that single spotlight that Jackie did. And I did just see some questions in the app before
I logged into the Zoom and saw that some people were having a hard time logging into that. I do
believe it is going to be in replay or at least that's kind of what my understanding was looking
briefly at Cheryl's, who's one of our admins. She does a lot of our computer technical stuff.
She's fabulous. She's in Canada. If you ever get a chance to meet her, she is wonderful. She is
a big ball of joy. Absolutely love her. But my understanding is that we will have that in
replay. So, if it's not already up in replay, just keep your eye out there. So, yeah, definitely
take a look for that. But yeah, Kelly, if you have a question about that, post it in the chat
and I will look at that. Today, I just want to kind of touch a little bit on this phrase that
you'll hear Jackie talk a lot about and myself and Ebony will. You'll hear us say it often,
especially as you ladies are, you know, getting into dating more frequently, especially stepping
your toes in the water in that dating pool. It's a yes until to know.
And this is something that Jackie taught us when I was, you know, in the program
and going through the dating part. And there were times that I would just get so confused
by that phrase. And I would get frustrated at times and just be like, I don't know what you
mean by this. It's a yes until to know. Like, when do I know it's a yes and when do I know
it's a no? Because then sometimes I'm like, well, it's a no. And then I felt like I was being told,
well, pump the brakes. Don't say no yet. Be open. And I'm like, but you told me it's a
yes until to know. And for me, it's a no. And then the same thing is I would think it's a yes
and I would be told, well, no, those are not yeses. Those are some flags. And I'd be like,
what are you talking about? And so it would get really, really confusing. And so I hope
that today I can help bring a little bit more clarity to that phrase and what that looks like
and kind of what that's grounded and rooted in to kind of help you have an idea of the heart
posture to go into dating with, with that mentality of it's a yes until it's a no.
And I'm going to also pair that with something else that I find to be really important.
And I noticed this, I've noticed this a lot through my coaching years. I don't think I
noticed it so much when I was in, in my dating, because I just don't think I had the awareness.
But now as a coach, I do is, um, being able to distinguish what is fireworks and versus
real chemistry. We often talk about, you know, I didn't, I didn't feel the spark with somebody,
or there weren't fireworks or, or there were fireworks. And so, you know, I'm excited about
this. And then, you know, all.
All of a sudden, those fireworks are just like, done.
Like, you're like, well, what happened?
Like, that finale was great.
And then it's like, all the smoke.
And then everyone just gets in their cars
and drives back home.
And you wait till next Fourth of July or next big holiday.
And you're like, well, wait a second, what happened?
Patty's laughing because she knows, right?
You know?
And so I hope, hopefully,
by kind of pairing these two topics today,
it will hopefully give a little bit more enlightenment
and help the dating process become a little bit less,
less pressure, I guess, is what I would wanna say.
Because the whole idea is like,
dating in and of itself, I know,
can feel confusing at times,
and it really doesn't need to be confusing.
It's often confusing because we're misreading
something that is more intense,
and we're thinking it's clarity
when really it's just more of an intensity
than it is a clarity.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, okay.
So the core of a yes until it's a no.
So this is how I used to date, okay?
And so if anybody can relate,
so I just put it in the chat.
This is you, okay?
This is, I'm gonna own this part of myself,
how I used to date, okay?
You know, when I'd enter dating,
this is what I would do.
I would really wanna decide really early,
is this guy the one?
Do I feel enough?
Do I feel like I have something to offer?
And sometimes I'd even ask myself,
oh, should I pull back?
Am I doing too much, too little, too soon, not enough?
You know, what is this?
Could I marry this guy?
You know, kind of asking all these questions.
I see a lot of heads shaking.
So I'm not the only one that did this, okay?
You might do this now,
or you might have done this before heartwork, okay?
So just know you're not alone.
I was definitely.
So that 100% was right there.
So that's where the pressure gets created,
believe it or not.
We actually put that pressure on ourselves
with us thinking we need to have those decisions made
in those first few interactions.
And so we really use this,
it's a yes until it's a no,
to kind of replace this,
like needing this decision-making process.
Like, oh my gosh, I have to decide
how do I feel about this person?
How do I feel about this guy?
What is this gonna look like?
What would the future look like with this person?
And so we really just want to stay open
until we have a reason not to be really open,
and like a good reason, okay?
And it doesn't have to be decided super quickly.
We can process it.
The great thing is that in this community,
we get to process it together with our sisters here.
You get coaches that you can help process it with.
So a yes is going to, is not,
this is what a yes is not.
This is, a yes doesn't mean this, okay?
So write this down.
A yes is not a commitment,
it's not certainty,
and it's not strong chemistry.
That's not a yes.
And I would have probably argued really early
when I came into the program,
but strong chemistry would sound like a yes.
Like, oh, that spark is there.
Oh, like that's a yes.
I'm excited about it.
You know, yes, we want you to be excited.
Like, I would be like, well, Jackie, what do you want?
Do you want me to not be excited about, you know,
the guy that I'm going on a date with?
Like, am I not allowed to be?
That's not what we're saying.
We're just saying, that's not the reason to say yes, okay?
Yeah, I can get excited,
but that's not going to be your,
why you're saying yes, okay?
A yes is going to mean,
now you write these things down.
There are no clear red flags that you see yet at all, okay?
Doesn't mean that there might not be.
Okay, you might even see some yellow flags.
It doesn't necessarily mean it's a no right away,
but a yes means that you're not seeing
big indications of red flags.
A yes means that there's some consistency
that is existing in the connection.
And there's a bit of curiosity and openness to the idea of getting to know the person.
That's all that yes means.
You're curious.
You're open.
You haven't seen red flags.
There's some consistency there.
There's some reciprocation happening.
This, I want you all to definitely write this down.
A yes is giving yourself permission to observe.
It doesn't give you permission, per se, to decide right away.
All it's saying is, hey, this yes gives you permission to sit back and observe.
You don't have to have the decision right away.
You get to watch.
You get to look, see, be open, hear, listen, discern.
You get to really sit back and absorb what that looks like.
So that's really what the yes is.
I'm open, and I'm curious, and I'm observing this person.
Are they consistent?
Are they showing up?
Do they have fruits of the spirit?
Do I like that?
Like, what do I like about them?
What do I maybe not like about them?
These are just observations.
So now let's go into what the no means.
The no is not emotional, okay?
And this is hard for me sometimes to wrap my head around, because those ladies that
know me, you all know I'm not typically shy about sharing this.
I'm a very emotional person.
So when people tell me not to get emotional or things are not emotional, I'm like, but
that's impossible for me.
And maybe that's you too, okay?
But there is a balance there.
So your no, your decision of your no, I don't want you to focus on the emotion behind it.
It's more on recognizing a pattern, making a decision of a no based on patterns that
you observe, and basing that on the clarity that that pattern is bringing.
Not just the emotion that surfaces, but what is that pattern you're observing, what's that
message say?
Not what it feels like.
Y'all, this is something that God is really growing me in this, the feeling part, like
I tend to lead with my feelings.
He is definitely working with me on that.
Doesn't mean that emotions are not a positive thing.
I actually think it's what makes me like, special, I guess I would say like, I think
it's a gift that God has blessed me with, of being emotional, so if that's you, I really
want you to embrace that about yourself.
Emotions are a gift.
God gave you those emotions on purpose, and so that's something that I'm learning to embrace
even.
So, the no is going to be like, repeated inconsistency.
It's emotional unavailability.
Like if you're seeing these patterns, it's misalignment over time.
And if your interest is naturally fading, that's going to, that pattern right there
is telling you that's a no.
There's not inconsistency, there's no consistency there, doesn't feel aligned, some things just
don't seem to measure up, and it's over time.
It's this pattern, it's not like the one-off.
A red flag is going to automatically be a no.
And maybe that's what I'll do next week.
I'm going to actually write this down.
I may do a teaching on the differences between red, yellow, and green flags.
We can get more into that.
And we can go into that a little bit more if we have time, but I do want to get through
so I can get to your questions.
But red flags most certainly will.
Red flags are going to be, there's abusiveness, like emotional abuse, physical abuse, threats.
If there's an intensity...
in them. I mean, those types of things, those are immediate, like, okay, this person's just
not a safe person. You know, I'm recalling a situation with a lady we had in our phase,
probably about a year ago. She started dating a guy and everything felt, again, like fireworks.
There was this intensity, everything was great. And then she didn't respond to him
because she had, like, a Bible study or something. And he was blowing up her phone
and getting really, like, verbally abusive to her in text messages and making, like,
threats and accusing her of things. And it was very early on. It was very, very intense with
emotions. And then he'd come back and apologize. And then she'd be like, oh, everything's fine.
Well, this pattern happened, I think, two more times. And there was a time, like,
he was cussing her out. And then he ended up showing up at her job. Like, somehow she
didn't lean on the advice of, like, hey, we're not telling people where we work
early on in those level one and level twos. And he showed up at her work.
And we were like, okay, this is pretty serious. Like, this is a red flag. And we had to encourage
her to get a restraining order. So red flags most certainly are, are no, like, I, red flags to me are
like sexually explicit comments, things of that nature, 100%. Like, especially early on,
you know, if they're leaning towards, like, no, that's a red flag, any sort of aggression or anger
or just obscured, like, emotionally unstable behavior from them, I would say that's, that can
be, that's, that's a red flag for me. Okay. But a no is simply just, it doesn't align. That's what
your no is. This doesn't align with me. When you are centered and grounded in, like, who you are,
what you want, and there's peace about that. There's no intensity. There's no confusion.
It's clarity. There's patterns that you've, you've seen that that's, your yes is going to be in
peace. Those no's are going to be like, oh, this just doesn't align. Like, this isn't what,
what I would want for me. This isn't what God would want for me.
And it doesn't need to be a dramatic reason. It, it can just be repeated truth. Again, it's that
you're, you're watching things to be, you're observing consistency. And that's why I always
encourage you ladies to pace your dating appropriately and don't rush the process.
Spend time in that and really sit and, and recognize what are you observing? Okay.
So when we do this, it's a yes until it's a no. It really does kind of keep us from the two
extremes. And so those extremes are, you are going to over attach too quickly, or you're going
to like cut and run and shut down too quickly. Those are your two extremes. Okay. You're going
to attach, or are you going to, you know, get those running shoes going. Okay. You're going to
close yourself off. So that's where that like anxious or avoid, you know, I'm that lovely
person that I would have a combination of the two. It just depend, just depended on the day.
All right. So you really want to be able to move into that observation and over-interpretation.
Okay. Cause we can observe things through a different lens and we can perceive it and say,
oh, well, this is what it is. Well, we're just looking for facts. We're not, we're not going
to interpret it out of our own emotions. So again, that wasn't, this is an area I
personally can struggle in because I'm an emotional feeling person. Like I tend to go
with my feelings. So this is, again, it's, there's nothing we don't have to be perfect at it. It's
just working at it. Okay. So if that's you just work at it, you want to recognize that you want
to shift into patterns and not just moments. Okay. You can have a really good moment with somebody.
But if those are really inconsistent, then it's probably not a yes. If there's
a pattern of, you know, consistency and good moments and things of that nature,
then absolutely. And there's going to be a presence over the pressure. Like if
there's a pressure. Feelings over from emotions. Feelings, that's a good
question. Like emotions, feelings to me are just, what it, like it's n-word. Like
it's a, yeah, they are kind of, they are different. Like there's, there's that, it's
kind of like a fine line. Would you agree? But they are different. Yes. To me, I
think emotions, there's nothing wrong with emotion. Our feelings though can be
driven from false things. Like false evidence appearing real. Right? It appears
real, but it doesn't always like mean that it's real. It's just a feeling. But
it doesn't necessarily mean that it's not true. It may be true to us in our
perspective, but it's through our own lens. And so it's, it's catching how we're
reacting and how, what, based on that emotion. Like there's an emotion, how are
we responding in that emotion? What, what are we doing to draw, like what's, what's
our reaction? What are we using to drive that response? Are we using facts? Are we
using feeling? Now I'm someone, especially in my past, a lot of my
responses and reactions would be driven from how I felt. And it left me in some
pretty not-so-great places. Okay? So I'm having to learn that balance of, okay, my
emotion is fine, but how I respond and how it makes me feel and how it's
driving me and my surroundings is, is different. I mean, I could probably go
off on a big, another teaching on that, but I'll stop right there. But we, and we
can always spend some more time on that on another, on another session too. But
going back, so I want to highlight this. One good date is not a lifelong yes. Just
isn't. And one awkward moment is not a permanent no.
If that was the case, I had several awkward moments, I think, on my first
date with my husband. We crashed a, um, we both had to go to the bathroom and we,
we were walking downtown Bradenton, Florida, and there was a theater and
we're like, okay, we're going to go, go in here and use the bathroom. We walk in
and it was just like a lobby full of people, like over the age of like 65. I
mean, we were like the youngest people by like 20, 30 years easy. I mean, and I'm
in my forties now. Okay. So I mean, it was just like, oh, and it was one of those
things. It's like we walked through the door and it was like all eyes just like
turned on us and it was like this lobby. And so we're like, okay, we just go to
the bathroom. And I was only in the bathroom for maybe like two or three
minutes. And I come back out and he was already out and the whole place had
cleared out. We were the only two people in the lobby. Like everybody left in like
two minutes. It was the weirdest, most awkward thing in the world. And I'm like,
oh gosh, this is like, this is a first date for the books. Let me tell you. Um,
but that wasn't a no. It actually led me to a lifelong. Yes. So, um, what I really
want to emphasize ladies is you don't want to force, you're not trying to force
any clarity. You really are just wanting to allow it to reveal itself. You know,
give yourself that time and the space for that to happen. Okay. And so now we're
going to get into this fireworks versus chemistry. Okay. So not all attraction is
going to be equal here. Okay. And a lot of times the dating confusion comes
because we mistake intensity and fireworks for compatibility.
Fireworks are going to feel like instant intensity, emotional obsession, constant thinking about
them, the high highs and maybe the low lows.
Y'all, I just described to you my entire decade of my 20s and part of my 30s of dating.
That's what dating was for me, all fireworks.
And so I just thought dating, that's what dating was supposed to be, intensity, emotional,
and you know, always thinking about them and, you know, when things were good, they were
really, really good.
And when things were bad, they were really, really bad.
But what's actually happening there is your nervous system is activated, all right?
There's this uncertainty plus this dopamine spike, it's a combination, so you're just
like feeding that.
And then there's this, you know, emotional unpredictability that you're going to mistaken
for the spark.
It's like spontaneous.
There's an excitement that comes with it, right?
Which at first it's exciting, but ladies, those sparks eventually fizzle, like you don't
want uncertainty in a committed lifelong marriage-minded relationship, in a marriage, inconsistency
in that it doesn't really build a healthy relationship, okay?
That intensity is not clarity because really what it is, it's just your nervous system
reacting and that's not real alignment.
So what real chemistry will feel like, it's going to have a calm curiosity.
There's a steady interest, a relaxed presence, and attraction that builds over time.
It may not feel as dramatic, okay, it might feel less dramatic, but it's going to be stable
and real.
Teresa, did you need me to repeat something?
Okay, calm curiosity, steady interest, relaxed presence, and attraction that builds over
time.
Okay.
So it's going to be like, I like this person and I feel grounded, like it might not sound
very exciting, but it's real and it's okay and there's a safeness in it.
And that was something that was really foreign to me, especially if you're like, always feel
like you were in survivor mode, like survival of the fittest, like you're just like you
come out running.
I know Jackie always talks about, when she was born, she felt like she was that, like
how to like just take off running in the wild.
So if that is kind of the life and the childhood that you've grown up in, that's going to feel
foreign to you.
And that might be why you're kind of like, well, this doesn't, I don't think that this
is it because it's going to be calm.
And if you're not used to calm, that's going to be like, well, I don't know about that.
When really that really is what chemistry does feel like.
There's a piece about it.
Yeah.
Gail, it's, you look for the piece, 100%.
That's more sustainable than the constant intensity.
You know, it's not going to feel like this anxious, obsessed, like something's got to
always be going on.
And so if you're someone again, like I can, you know, be transparent with this, like I'm
a person that my nervous system tips typically fires a lot.
I have just a natural, like there's intensity.
That's just kind of how I grew up and you know, how my life always looked.
And so I'm having to learn how to rewire that where sometimes the calm and the safe
and the peace is actually not a negative thing.
Like sometimes if things are too quiet or too calm, I'm like, wait, what's going on?
Like, I'm sitting there constantly looking like something's going to happen, and it's
learning to be like, no, that's just, that's peace, and that's okay, that's what we want,
that's what we pray for.
How many of us ever just pray, Lord, just give me peace, and then it's like, I pray
for that, y'all, and then it's like, I get it, and I'm like, and he's like, I've given
it to you, and then you don't know what to do with it, Carla.
That's how my guy is with me, he's just sometimes like, oh, honey.
So we really do just want to be able to balance both of those extremes, so you're not wanting
to force chemistry, but you're also not wanting to dismiss the slow burn connection too fast,
because again, if there's such a slow connection, and we're not used to that intensity, we might
dismiss it quickly, like, oh, I don't know, I don't feel like there's an attraction here.
Well, if you're someone that's typically around a lot of intensity, it's probably, you're
probably not going to feel attracted right away, and that's okay.
Are you open?
Again, it's a yes until it's a no.
Is it just open, is there curiosity?
Is there just something that you are intrigued and interested by?
So I want you asking, is there enough attraction and ease to stay open?
Is there something, and is there an ease about it?
You're not asking, is this overwhelmingly intensive, or do I feel nothing and should
quit?
So you're not looking for all of a sudden, intense, if there's intensity, I got it, nope,
not looking for that, and I'm also not looking, like, I'm not feeling anything, so should
I quit?
No, just look, hey, is there enough attraction and ease that I want to stay in getting to
know them?
Are there some yeses here?
Is there consistency?
Is there curiosity?
So merging this into what it could look like in dating in those early stages, like, I would
say level one, if you're watching Dating 101, that's level one, you're just, maybe you haven't
met in person yet, you're doing some messaging back and forth, maybe a phone call.
There's some attraction, and there's no clear no, so you're going to stay open to that.
There's something there that you're like, I would like to see if I can meet this person
face to face, or at least on a video chat.
I'm interested.
There's something about them that I want to learn more about.
There's some attraction, again, it doesn't have to be this attraction, like, oh, this
guy's so good looking, no, it just could be like, I'm really interested in getting to
know more about, you know, this, you know, hobby that he's into.
Like, I've never heard of, I've never heard about that.
I wonder what that's about.
Like, is there something that is drawing you to wanting to get to know them?
So that's when I talk about attraction.
Okay, not always just physical attraction, but an interest to get to know them.
That's that early stage.
In the dating stage, that level two, okay, remember, I like level two, I like to look
at as like level two A, which is like dates one through three, and then date, like, level
two B is like, okay, I've had three, three, four dates, I've been consistently going on
dates with this person for a month or two, and I really am enjoying them.
I continue to have some interest in them and, and want to continue to see if this could
build into something like there's enough attraction here that I'm like, I'd be interested to see
if this could be a potential exclusive doesn't mean that I'm right there ready or they're
ready for exclusivity, but I'm open to the possibility.
That's that sec, that's the latter part of level two.
So this is where you're just observing consistency and your body's response over time.
So you see how there's time that's involved in this.
We're not going from zero to 100.
We're not going from, you know, that firework shoots off and then in five seconds, it's
like boom, like, that's like, we're going level one to level three exclusive.
We're talking about engagement, like right off the bat, okay.
No, we're not we're not going there or like oh, I just I don't want to date anybody else, but this person. Oh, let's
Let's let's pour some some ice water on you. Okay?
That's okay, you're just
Spending this time observing some consistency
And what how is your body in your mind?
How are you responding?
Be mindful of it
What is your thought process? What fears?
Anxieties are you you know starting to kind of lean into some some, you know over
overthinking and all that kind of stuff
Okay. Now, let's say like you're into those later level two stages and and potentially you're getting closer to that level three
Or maybe you're in level three. This is where your clarity is going to be built from patterns
not moments
At this stage is when I would say if
If you have had a decent amount of consistency with patterns
That is going to give you more clarity and you're going to be able to walk into
You know when when the man brings up the the conversation of exclusivity
you're gonna have some clarity because you are gonna have seen some patterns and
So there's not gonna you're not gonna feel pressured
There is going to be a piece. There's gonna be a calm. It's not gonna be intense
You can step into that level three exclusive relationship
With with knowing hey, I've seen some I've observed some patterns. There hasn't been any
inconsistencies here and
Then that last part is that chemistry awareness, you know
You you know, you're not confusing fireworks with compatibility and you're not ignoring
Steady attraction either
Okay
Don't want you ladies thinking. Oh, well, this feels like fireworks. So this probably isn't compatibility. No, you're allowed to have
Compatibility and it's allowed to feel exciting
But you're not going to confuse that with what compatibility really is
You're also not ignoring that a steady attraction
That that is compatibility
Okay
That's what compatibility is you're you're you're on a trend of like building those patterns
So it's gonna create this emotional stability in you. That's gonna there. You're gonna have less overthinking. I
Don't know about you all but I I'm an over thinker, especially when I was dating
overthought all the time and
So when that compatibility is there there's it really does remove
Any need to overthink any any relationship
You're gonna it's gonna remove any urgency to decide
There's not gonna be this heavy heavy urgency
Because it's just gonna be paced because you're compatible with someone and they're pacing with you
There's a less attachment to early intensity and
And you're gonna learn to trust more in patterns over time
You're gonna stop forcing that certainty and you're gonna start recognizing it
Instead of pushing it. It's just gonna become a lot simpler
It's gonna keep you grounded
You
No rushing not forcing it just allows things to unfold over time, okay
So we got lots of questions
So I don't miss this because I really do I always tend to forget the activation and then we will post it in the in
the app
I'm going to encourage you ladies to do this clarity challenge
So it's how you experience connection
Okay, because clarity isn't built in dating
It's revealed through how you relate
Everywhere, okay, so you all can do this whether you're dating someone or not or you know
It literally I just whatever situation you're in you're gonna be able to do it
Okay, and this is not and it's really not about dating. It's really about noticing
What is your heart drawn to?
how does your body respond and
How you process connection and attraction?
It's having that awareness
So I want you the first step is I want you to notice your responses and all the connections
Okay
So again, you don't have to be dating anybody. Okay, and
I want you to pay attention to any interaction or dynamic that creates a reaction in you.
This could be like a text, a conversation, attention from somebody, could be attention
from a stranger, attention from someone that is a close friend. It could be anything of that nature.
It could be interactions and friendships, people that you work with, you know, someone that even
if it's someone that you think about, I want you to think about what reaction is created in you.
Okay, and then these are the things that you're going to ask. Does this create pressure,
overthinking, or an emotional spike? When I think and I'm paying attention to these
interactions with these people, is it creating any sort of pressure, overthinking, or an emotional
spike in me? Or does it feel calm, easy, and grounding? Recognize those. Okay, this is just
you're noticing how are you responding in these interactions and what reaction happens.
So, this is where you're simply going to label, hey, this is intensity, which is like fireworks.
Okay, and some fireworks don't always have to be good things either.
You can have an intensity or like, y'all, if I would go back to some of my old jobs,
some of my interactions with people, oh my lord, there were some intense, not fun fireworks.
Okay, friendships, work dynamics, and even someone that you think about. So,
does it create pressure, overthinking, or emotional spikes? And the last one,
does it feel calm, easy, and grounding?
So, you're going to label, is this an intensity, like the pressure, overthinking,
the firework part? So, how is this, that's being created? Or is there a real chemistry? Is there,
there a steady connection? You know, I used to work with some of my friends.
And so, when I go to work with those people, there was a steady connection there.
There was a peace when I like come in and like, oh, I get to work with you today. Oh,
like there was a calm about it. There'd be other times I'd walk in and be like, oh, no, like,
I'm going to need like, extra coffee today, or maybe not coffee at all, because I'm going to
have enough, you know, and like, I'm not going to need it. There's gonna be enough, you know.
So, yes, yes, there you go. Exactly. Like, what, what am I sent? Like, what's being created? Am I,
do I got fireworks before the shift? Or do I have like the Zen going? Like, what is it?
So, that's what, that's the first step is, that's all you're doing is just labeling,
what are these interactions? It's just recognizing that. And so, then your second step to this
activation is being able to catch that moment where you're trying to figure it out. Okay.
And that's where most of us are going to lose our peace. And that's when we, you know,
we might notice ourselves replaying conversations. Y'all, that's something I do a lot.
I can literally replay conversations, or map out how I'm going to, what I'm going to say
in conversations. Yes, Patty, I'm glad I'm not the only one. And Dana too. Yeah. Like,
I will sit there and I will go and I will do the dialogue in my head.
That's when I lose my peace, y'all. Reading into something small. Definitely, I do that.
Feeling urgency to define something and wanting to pull away quickly.
So, if you notice any of those things in yourself, I want you to pause and say,
okay, I don't need to figure this out right now. I can just observe this.
Yeah. All of those above are me too. Absolutely. I'm telling you, see, like, this isn't, you don't
have to do this just for dating. Y'all, I'm married and I'm like, oh, I'm going to, I'm
going to be doing this activation for me this week, for sure.
So, I'm going to be getting in there and sharing, sharing with y'all in the app, my little,
my little post. And so, all that is, is that's where the heart of the yes until to know.
It's really being able to kind of recognize what is going on in your life and how you're
going to be able to, how you're going to be able to, how you're going to be able to,
Response and what reaction is in me and when and when I see that
Reaction am I trying to figure something out?
Okay, we want to put a pause there on that. I don't need to figure this out. I don't need to go to overthinking
I don't need to
And I don't have to do replay all these conversations in my head. I
Don't have to have all those answers right away
Even though it can it feels y'all it feels like I need to
But that's just not the truth
Or sometimes you just want to pull away real quick because you're like I can't handle this
All right, and so just know you're like, hey, I don't have to do any of these things. I literally can sit back and just observe
I can take a minute an hour a day
A day
Couple days. I don't need to have all the answers right? I don't have to figure this out
That's where it's a yes until it's a no comes
That's the posture of it
So this is not just dating it's and how you process everything
You know and that's I
Coming out of dating and having been married now two and a half years. I'm like, oh my word
Like now it makes sense. I'm like I wish this clicked for me before I
Met my husband
I'm like dang
life would been much more of a breeze enjoyable in my singlehood and
You know, maybe these couple years of marriage would been a little less intense at times
But it really is it's how you process everything so one thing to do differently is
Your step three. Okay, so your step one you're recognizing
Step two is you're putting a pausing. Okay, I don't have to figure this out right now and
Then you're gonna do something different. Okay, so if you feel drawn to intensity
You might choose environments or people that feel safe or calm
If you overthink this is this is a big one for me you're gonna stay present instead of analyzing
When I I was going through this I was like, oh man, I
analyze a lot I
Have to figure out the why and how and not just my wise in-house, but everybody else's wise in-house
So, yeah
That's going to be my challenge for myself this week is not to go into that overthinking part
But just to go and stay in the present
Being in the here and now and not having to analyze and figure all of that out
If you're someone that seeks validation
You're gonna
Practice being at ease without needing to perform
and
You
You don't have to do anything you don't have to you don't have to go be the person that you know is
You know that main volunteer at church
Because no one else is gonna do it
So you're always volunteering to do it at church, right? Oh
They're gonna recognize me they're gonna see me I'm always putting myself out there
I'm not gonna perform. I'm
Don't need the validation
It's okay. I'm already chosen
If you're someone that shuts down
You're gonna choose just to stay open a little bit longer
That one might be hard because this is me sometimes I shut down pretty quickly and I'm like, okay
If I were you all right now and I was listening to me as a coach I'd be like, okay
Can you tell me how much is a little bit longer like 30 seconds Carla?
Is that a little bit longer
Cuz I'd be like I could probably give you 30 more seconds
Yeah, you ladies know I see some of you laughing but that is me I'd be like, uh
Like how much longer?
30 seconds would feel like
hours
All right, so just do what you can okay, there's no perfect here
All right, and it's okay. If you don't get it, right, you just try it another day and
Let us know what that process is. And then your step four is going to be that
personal
revelation part like
Reflecting, you know, what kind of energy do I?
but I naturally respond to.
You know, do I associate intensity with connection?
What actually makes me feel safe and grounded?
Where might God be inviting me to grow?
That's that reflection piece.
That's where really these activations can unlock a lot.
And so then you all are gonna make a post
in the app to share that you did the Clarity Challenge
and what it's done for you.
So we'll post that in the app as well.
So, all right, let's go ahead and take questions.
I got six of you with questions.
We've got about 35, 40 minutes.
So that should be plenty of time.
Let's make sure that we're just keeping things short,
brief and powerful.
And then I will also be going through the chat as well.
So Dana, you're up.
How are you?
Hello, Carla.
I am good, I guess.
I just rolled out of bed, literally, as usual.
I'll just, so that you have some context.
A while back, I started a book study
with some friends of mine from church
called Living Unoffendable by Patricia King.
Okay.
And I knew I would encounter, you know,
many opportunities to practice what we are studying.
And I went to a singles event on Saturday at a church,
quite a distance from where I live.
They've started a new singles group
and there aren't many in my area.
And I thought, oh, a good opportunity
to meet some new people, blah, blah, blah.
And the teaching was horrendous.
I already wasn't, like, I literally,
one gentleman was sitting,
and I've encountered him in singles events.
We've never had a conversation,
but he's been in this single world a long time, like I have.
And as I recall, he's like a youth worker
or a social worker or something.
So he is emotionally intelligent and aware.
And he was, at one point he turned around and he goes,
you need to stop this right now.
And the woman was, hmm.
And he waited a few minutes to see if anything would happen.
He goes, no, we were watching a video, a horrendous video.
And he goes, no, I'm not joking.
You need to stop this right now.
I got up and I turned around so I couldn't face the screen
because it was, we were watching,
we were trying to read subtitles.
Anyway, that's how bad this was.
Oh my word.
And then, so I already wasn't in a great place.
And when she finally did allow us to turn it off
and to turn the lights back on,
he go, and she started in on the rest of her teaching
and she's pulling scripture out of thin air
and trying to force it to apply to what she,
anyway, it was absolutely horrendous.
And he stood up and he goes,
that verse doesn't mean that.
Those two have nothing in common.
And I'm going, yes, hallelujah.
And she goes, well, if you don't like it,
you can just leave.
And I thought, oh, please leave
because I'll just follow you out
because I don't want to be here anymore.
And he just, he was stunned.
He sat back down.
You could just, his face, he was utterly stunned.
So not a great, not a great setting.
And then we got broken up into groups of four.
And I was probably, I wasn't the oldest person there,
but it was a 35 plus.
There was no end date or end age.
So I attended and there were others there
in my age range in their 60s guaranteed
or late 50s, absolutely.
But the people we were with was another older woman
like myself and two very young men.
One, I swear looked like he was 12 and very shy
and couldn't speak.
And the other one was probably late 30s, early 40s.
And he started talking.
We had questions we had to answer.
And he started in about how the world is a mess
and the problem is that women want to work.
And they shouldn't be working.
And I went from zero to volcanic eruption in nothing,
no amount of time.
And I have been fighting this battle in the Christian world
for how long?
very long time. And I'm tired of it. And I can't believe I'm still doing this. And I don't care
about his reaction. He needs to, he's got to deal with his own stuff. But my reaction, I was not okay
with my behavior. I was not and I start, I'm in that fight mode, my brain goes offline. And I can't
even think about what a good reply would be like a good response. Anyway, I'm getting all worked up
just even telling you about it now. I'm so mad. So I need some I've been trying but working on it
since Saturday, me and God trying to get at the root of why I am reacting this way. And I know
part of it is that I want women to have every opportunity and to have what all the giftings and
talents and opportunities and everything that God has placed in us that we should flourish and
bloom. I just am pro woman all the way. I always have been I was a child in the 60s and a young,
you know, a young woman in the 70s. And I've, you know, if I'd have been able to do the marches and
burn the bras, I would have done it. But I couldn't, right. Because I was just a little
too young for that. And so and it's still happening. And I swear, the church is going
to have a lot to answer for when judgment day comes. It just will. But I love the church.
But I need help because I can't continue running. I can't this there's something inside of me that's
triggered. Yeah. Well, it's good luck. No. No, there's a lot of things that I can definitely
relate to and what you shared. I can get really passionate about things, too, especially things
that I feel really strongly about. And I really like that there was someone there, especially a
man to stand up and say, Hey, that's not what that scripture means. Yeah. And so I'm, I'm
thankful that you when you were sitting in a space and you were recognizing like, this is
not good. This is horrendous. And what this woman is teaching isn't in alignment with what God's,
what biblically is shared, and it's out of context. That is, to me, that is helpful
that you're recognizing it. And so I'm thankful that you had someone else there that was able to
also recognize it and stand up and share that. And that in of itself, to me was that was that
first piece of recognizing. And that's what I heard you say in the very beginning, when she
which, and she said, Well, if you don't like that, then you can go ahead and leave.
And he sat back down. But your thought in your gut was saying, Oh, please leave.
Because then I'll follow you. And we weren't the only two that were offended. Oh, I'm sure you
weren't. It sounds like it. There was a party in the ladies washroom afterwards, because that's
what we do, right? We all head for the bathroom. And I was talking to women, and they were all
offended. And they attend that church. Yeah. And so that's what I, I'm interested in
what thought process was happening for you in the moment of, if the guy walked out, I would have gone.
But what, what kept you from just not walking out? Why would it take someone else, or someone
prompting? Like if you if you're sitting there, and especially when you're hearing a teacher,
and that's her response, that point, you know, she's not going to hear anything. Yeah, they're
not there to change someone's thought process, if that's what she believes. And, you know, and
she's the one up there teaching. Okay, you know, I'm just not going to agree with her. And that's
okay. And she doesn't have to agree. I mean, you know what, she gets to be left to the Lord. And
but it's about guarding your peace, and what's happening inside you emotionally. And so that's
where I want you to go back to that first initial part, where you that to me sounds like the
trigger. Yeah, you're watching something that does not sit well with you. And you know, in your gut,
like this doesn't align. I mean, to me, that even shows us when we're even when we're dating,
when you know, something doesn't align.
how do we respond differently? So instead of sitting there, what else could you have done?
I'm asking myself, why didn't I get up? Okay. And I don't know. Yeah. To be the first one is to be
the first one to stand, you know, if I had stood up and left, it would have, I don't know why,
because it's not like I care what people, it's not like I care if I've got all eyes on me or
not. I've been a leader. I've led large groups. I don't care. But I think maybe because it was
such an intimate setting, like I would get up in a large church and I would get up and leave,
no problem. But somehow this intimate little setting that was just for us, supposedly,
I just, I couldn't, I couldn't do it. Let me ask you this. You said something about, you know,
you've been a leader before you're, you're, you're, that's not, that's not the issue,
the being concerned with what people would think or, or see, you know,
all eyes on me to get up. That doesn't bother me.
I'm curious, what is your thought around,
are you typically the one that is the one standing up and leading all the time?
Very often. And I just, I'm tired. There you go.
Yeah. Talk, talk about that.
Well, it's not just in a work setting. It's in my own personal life. I raised my children by myself.
They're in their late thirties now. So I've been making all the decisions and doing all the leading
for a very, very long time. And I just really don't want to do it anymore. Plus I have now a
brain injury from a car accident that I was in. And so I don't make good decisions necessarily
anymore. I have problems with my processing speed and my executive functioning, along with a bunch
of other things. And God is definitely healing me. And I'm much better today than I was a year ago.
I can see improvements, but I still struggle. And when I get emotional like that, there's just no
hope that anything is going to come back on my frontal cortex at all. It'll be days. And so it
just would be so nice to just, it's why I chose to sit in the back of the room because I don't,
I didn't want to be called on. I just wanted, you know, to participate.
You just wanted, you just wanted to receive, you didn't want to have to take on the responsibility.
True.
Because have, you know, like you said, you raised your kids by yourself and they're 30 now.
Yeah.
You had, would you say you've had a lot of responsibility put on you over the years?
Tremendous.
So there, so, and that's what you're saying. You're like, I'm tired. Like I,
really on so many levels that you, you're, you know, you get to a point where you're like,
okay, someone else and someone else speak up for once. I'll support you, but I just don't want to
have to be the one to initiate it because there is a courage. There's a boldness that kind of
comes up. There's, there's still effort that goes into that. And you're just, you know, you want to
sit back and be like, you know what, why does it have to be me? I would encourage you to spend
some time on processing through the, the, the thoughts and the fears and the concerns and the,
all the, all the things that come with all those responsibilities that you've, that you've had.
All those responsibilities that you've, that you've had placed on you over the years and, and
what, what's going on inside? Is there any forgiveness that needs to take place? Is there,
um, you know, go back through some of those memories, spend time with the Lord, like with
the having to always be the one to lead and to do and to be responsible.
And is that possibly triggering
when you see things setting uneasy that you want to
to say, hey, I want to stand up for this,
but now I don't want to have to be the one to do it.
Why isn't anybody else taking the charge?
And if that's potentially what's causing
some of that volcanic eruption,
it could just be some healing that needs to take place
with what was created there.
Okay. Does that make sense?
Yeah, it does, thank you.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Absolutely, I can relate on so many levels.
Oh, you have no idea.
100%, especially if you raise your kids by yourself.
Yeah, I should have said this.
I could have responded this way.
Why didn't I say that?
Why didn't I just smack him across the face or spank him?
Because that's what he needed.
He was like, I just, I thought, no, Dana,
this is just for pity's sake.
I got to stop.
Well, and that's what I'm saying,
and then we kind of get on ourselves
and then we beat ourselves up.
I should have done this.
I should have, I mean, then we should all over ourselves.
Yes.
Well, that doesn't do us any good either.
Like, no, it's recognizing, okay,
this is what was happening.
This is what it made me feel.
This is really what the root is,
and now I get to invite Holy Spirit into this process
and he gets to heal me through this.
And I think, like I said, it's recognizing,
you have that awareness.
Hey, there's something.
You even saying like, I want to know why
and I want to know, I don't want to have this reaction.
That heart posture there shows me the true heart of you.
And so that's to be celebrated.
That is, like, that's pure.
Like, you recognize that and you see that
and you desire that and you long for that.
And that's what you are seeking the Lord for.
And I want you to continue to press into that
because that is what is really beautiful.
And God sees it and he's going to honor that.
And so, you know, and sometimes it takes us having to look
at some of those things in our past
that can get really uncomfortable,
but it will release such a healing.
And like I said, I think you recognizing,
you know, wanting that, it's going to be more accelerated
because of that desire.
And like I said, God's showing you like,
hey, you're not alone.
There are other people out there that do have
and that are willing to do it.
And it's just, you know, it's you learning.
Like, you know what?
I don't have to do something bold and courageous.
I can just stand up and walk out.
I don't have to voice it.
I don't have to be the one to take charge.
I can just get up and walk out.
And if I see that person again, I can say,
hey, I really appreciated when you did that.
That took a lot of courage for you to stand up
and tell her to not do that.
And to point out to her that that verse
is not what that meant.
And, you know, I'm really sorry that she responded
the way that she did and didn't hear you
and didn't recognize that, you know,
she was a little off on what the content
and context of that scripture is.
And so I think that's something to be celebrated as well.
So thank you for sharing that.
Thank you.
Absolutely.
Hey, Patty.
How are you?
Hi, Carla.
I'm good.
How are you?
Good.
So a praise is that I think after about almost a year
of visiting churches in my area,
I have found a church that I feel comfortable laying at.
Yay!
And, you know, along with preaching the Bible correctly,
teaching the gospel, the people being kind,
having outreach and all of that,
they also have a fairly racially
and ethnically diverse congregation
and even some people in my, possibly in my age range.
So here's the thing.
And I'm afraid I'm gonna be like an example
for one of your points here.
What was it?
Planning out what I'll say in conversations
that haven't happened yet.
Okay, because we have to,
I have to say first that this person
may just be being friendly.
You know, he's somewhat of a leader,
so it's possible he's just coming.
up to say hi, don't know why he's saying hi to me,
but whatever, that's fine.
But it's happened twice where he came up
and introduced himself.
He said, hi, my name is whatever, you know,
we'll call him John.
And then the next time I was there,
he came up and he said, hey, how you doing?
And, you know, patted me on the arm and everything.
But it could just be that he's doing that because I'm new,
right, because I've been there maybe three or four times.
I guess my, it reminds me of when I went to church
in New York and there was a similar situation
and people did eventually, a couple of guys did ask me
to go to coffee or things after church.
And so, and I have talked with Ebony about this
and she reminded me not to be like bypassing somebody
if, yeah, they might not ask, but if someone ever asked
not to be like, well, maybe there's somebody else
who's a better match for me down the road.
So, because you know that when you're in a congregation,
a church is like a closed environment
in the sense that people can see what you're doing.
It's not like if you're online dating
where nobody has to know, you know,
John doesn't know about Eric because, you know,
you met them-
Yeah, like you're in an environment
and people see the interaction, absolutely.
Yeah.
So, I was thinking, now I realize
it's probably not the way to go,
but my thought was like, I was, if he did say something
and asked me out, if I would maybe say something like,
oh, well, maybe we could chat for a couple of weeks
in the coffee hour first and get to know,
because I don't know, like, you know,
cause I've seen settings where people,
the other guy is like, oh, I'm not going out with her
cause she went out with him.
You know what I'm saying?
So, I just, I don't know.
Otherwise, I'm just basically going out
with whoever asked me as long as they seem
like a safe person, which I guess is what you're,
I don't know if that, is that what you're teaching or?
I don't know.
So, I mean, like, this is,
I think what some of this is,
like, I'm sensing some of the anxiety
of this, if I go out with a person and it's not my person,
am I shutting off, am I closing a door
to the person that actually might be my person?
Does that sound, is that, does that resonate?
That's it.
Is that the fear?
That's it.
So, that's that scarcity, poverty mindset.
Like, I'm going to, I'm going to create
something that's going to literally shut it off.
Like, I'm in charge, I'm in control of this.
And if I do something wrong, then I've ruined my chances.
So, it's-
I mean, I know that God is in control.
I do know that.
We, yeah, it's, and it's, it's, we know it here.
Do you feel it here?
Yeah.
It's that, that 17 inch journey
that Jackie mentions in her book, in the heartland.
And, and this is, and I, I relate to this
because I often can struggle with this is,
and the battle that I have is I will, I will know it here,
but I won't feel it here.
And then I battle myself.
Yeah.
And I'm like, but why?
I know intellectually,
I know that that's not what's happening.
I know my God is for me.
Why do I, why is this one area that I can't release?
What is the-
I mean, oh, I'm sorry.
No, go ahead.
Go ahead.
I just looked it up on my email.
It was, in July, it'll be 12 years
since I've been on a date.
That's why I have a scarcity mindset.
You know, it's a long time.
And, you know, and that's one thing,
you know what Jackie did?
Okay, when I, I think I told you this,
you might've been on when I've,
I've shared this story before.
Like I joined this community in 2020
and it wasn't until we went into 2022,
Jackie finally was like, Carla, you, you just go on a date.
She's like, it doesn't have to be a love connection.
She's like, go out with someone that you don't like.
She's like, I don't even care if it's someone
that you're interested in.
Just go out.
She's like, let someone take you out.
Because here's the thing, and that's,
you are a very personable person.
Like you're going to go out
and you're going to enjoy your time regardless
because that's just, that's the,
that's the energy that you carry.
I'm sorry I'm fumbling, I have to plug in the thing.
But you are an enjoyable person to be around,
like you have such a great personality.
And so sometimes it's breaking a seal.
And so it's, what Jackie had to do for me
is she's like, Carla, you gotta get out of your head
and just go, go on the dates with the guys that are not it.
And just, you know.
I don't know what he said, I don't know,
but anyway, yeah, I see what you're saying, yeah.
So I want, that's what my encouragement is
with this guy, John, just be like,
hey, I am new to this.
Like if he comes up to you next,
don't even wait for him to ask you.
Say, hey, I'm new to this area and I'm new to this church.
Would you mind meeting up with me
to grab some coffee sometime
so we can talk about this church?
And maybe you can invite some people from the church.
Invite him to invite some more people.
And make it more of a,
I'm gonna get to know a couple different people.
Does that, how does that sound?
Does that scare you?
Yeah, I, not really.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I,
I think I just really,
maybe this is me inserting, but I've had so many,
you know, and I'm not trying to go back,
but I've had so many like flirtations and pull back
that I just really want to have somebody be like,
I want to take you out.
I don't want to have to be rocking, you know.
You don't want to have to, like, yeah, I get that.
But let's prepare you for that.
Okay.
Guess what?
Your husband is gonna see you
and is going to be the one to say,
hey, I want to take you out.
He will, you will get that.
It's that preparation process.
It's that, it's every promise as a process.
It's getting to that space.
And sometimes it's stretching us in our discomfort
because there's jewels and gems that are hidden
that need to get exposed and seen.
And those things need to get,
like to be out in the open and exposed.
And so it is, it's gonna,
it's gonna be that coming out of hiding.
It's gonna be that discomfort of things,
but it's, it will allow that exposure of being seen
and saying, oh man, she's such a treasure.
She's such a treasure
because she sees the treasure that she is.
And so I, I do, I,
I hear the discomfort of,
you know, not wanting to be the one to initiate something
and really just truly wanting someone to want,
to want to spend time with me
without me having to initiate.
I get that.
Like, it's like people will say, you know,
well, hey, can I help you?
What do you want me to do?
And then you're just like,
I don't need to tell you,
I would just like you to do what you're led,
like what you feel led to do,
because it's coming from,
because you want it to come from
what they really truly want to do,
not because it's suggested.
Oh, exactly.
I get that.
I mean, I have friends who have been on a date
with another man and her now husband asked her out
while she was on that date.
So, I mean, they can do it.
There you go.
So you're like, you know,
and that's what I'm saying.
And that's what you keep telling yourself.
It's like, look, this isn't about, you know,
me closing a door just because I go out
to coffee with someone.
This is, you know what?
I'm opening doors
because I'm opening up the opportunity
to get to know more people.
And I'm opening the door
to letting go of this insecurity.
And I get to start showing up
and knowing what treasure I am.
And that's what you're opening the door to.
You are stepping into that.
It's like, what it reminds me.
is, you know, Jackie, and Jackie's shared this before, and I think it's been on a
Supernatural Saturday not too long ago, this, we want to, we might
want certain things and pray for certain things, but do we actually really believe
it with all our heart? Mm-hmm, yeah. You know which Supernatural Saturday I'm
talking about? I remember her saying something along those lines. Yeah, trust me, and the
two, like, the two years I was with her, she, like, that message is not a new
message, let me tell you, like, that is one that I remember hearing, and I'm like,
and sometimes it would sting, because I'm like, but I am, like, I am doing those
things, I do feel like, I felt like I was showing up in all the ways that I knew
how, and all the ways that I felt like I was capable, and, and there were other
pieces of things that I needed to step into in order to kind of open those
doors, and that's what I'm saying, like, it's trusting that process and trusting
the Lord that, you know, when, when a coach or Jackie or someone was, like,
encouraging me to do something and it didn't, it didn't seem like something I
could do or wanted to do, it was just, okay, I'm gonna be open to it, and it, and
sometimes it wouldn't make any sense, and sometimes I'd do it and be like, well,
nothing happened, and then sometimes I would do it and be like, oh, why didn't I
do this sooner, and even in those times where I was like, nothing happened, once
time passed, then the answer would come, like, oh, that's why I was having to do
that, it wasn't wasted, it was just being open to being uncomfortable and doing the
things and doing, doing things scared, showing up and saying, you know what, this
is scary, and I'm gonna do something that seems scary, and at the end of the day,
even when I show up and it's scary, God's gonna be able to show me, I had you the
whole time, and, and he'll make good of that, so just pray on that, spend, spend
time with some of those areas that you feel like you're really struggling with,
you know, ask the Lord, be like, Lord, is there anything that you've been asking me
to do that I have been resisting, highlight to me what you've been asking me to do that
I've been resisting, not out of disobedience, but just out of fear, because I sometimes
think that we, we think that, you know, if we openly admit that, you know, God told me
to do this and I'm not doing it, that if we admit that we're not doing it, then we're
just being disobedient, and there's like this negative, like, oh, we're being disobedient
to the Lord, and then there's like this shame and, and condemnation, and I, like, my spirit
right now is telling me that that's not what that is, that's not what, that's not coming
from him, it's more or less, it's a fear, and that's, it's not us resisting being obedient
to him, it is literally the enemy coming in and trying to hold us hostage from being able
to step into obedience with him. There is such a fear, a doubt, a discouragement, and
so spend time praying, be like, Lord, I need to see this, and then ask the Lord, what's
the fear, and I need help releasing that fear. I see lots of people writing this down,
so I don't think that this was just for Patty, I think it's for a lot of you ladies, am I
right? Praise God, I don't, I don't really like saying it in group settings, but I know
it could help somebody else. And that, that's why, and that's another thing, yeah, ladies,
I want, I hope that gives you all encouragement, and maybe some of the ladies that, you know,
maybe a little more quiet on these calls, or in the app.
Your struggles and your things that you know you don't want to share, it will
actually bring breakthrough for others as well and you'll be surprised
like it's not just for you, it's for everyone in the community, for a lot of
people in the community. It really is. It will accelerate a lot of healing and
growth in a lot of people.
And so just take encouragement in that when you get vulnerable and you share.
Okay, Patty, thank you so much. I love you. I love you too. Hey, Teresa. Hi, good news. I
finally got my Google phone number working as of yesterday. It took like a
week and a half, but here's the thing. So I had my friend try to FaceTime me
through that number and that won't work. It said something about the WhatsApp or
something like that and I'm not sure. Google numbers, I don't believe. You can
video. So do you, when I use Zoom, so when I wanted to, when I wanted a video call,
then I use Zoom because you can, you can do a 40-minute call for free. Right, okay.
That was one thing I was thinking of. And so I say start there because then it
helps. I mean, it was helpful for me because I'm a talker. Yeah. So it really
allowed me to like, I was forced to. Right. And then if you want to, you can
always say, okay, if we get disconnected, just call right back. Yes. And then if you
don't call back, you go, okay. Yes, exactly. And then you can call back and be like,
Hey, instead of a video call, why don't we meet in person? Because you've already
had that 40 minutes and that, that you've gotten that interaction and 40 minutes,
you should be able to decide, do I, do I don't want to see this person in person
in real life? Now, obviously if it's a long distance, then, you know, you can set
up another way. You can, again, you can do another Zoom call or, um, I've, I, I
did Facebook dating. And so I would use messenger to video call people. Um, and
you don't have to be friends with people on Facebook to video call them video to,
you know, be on messenger. Like you can message anybody on Facebook and not be
their friend. Okay. Um, I did that a lot because again, I wasn't friends. I wasn't
friending people that I didn't know because I had pictures of my son. And so
I'm like, I'm not going to let some guy who I'm just getting to know be my life.
And so I could look his name up in messenger and still get connected and
video him there. Okay. And he would see like my profile was on lockdown. So he
would, he obviously you could see my profile picture and a couple of things
that I would allow the public to see, but that's all he could. So as long as
you've set privacy settings in your social media, you can use that as well.
Okay. I can check that into that too then. And I'm going to try to keep them
within pretty much two hours to begin with. Yeah. And then I can always go out
from there. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Pace it. However, what
works for you? I, I think that's great. Absolutely. All right. Thank you. You're
welcome. Hey, Susanna, how are you?
That's probably great, but we'll get you there. We're praying for you. It's
getting better. All right. I do my best in English. So first of all, I, I'm so
glad to be part of this program and I really like, I love your, your way of
coaching. Like I'm on the way to become a coach myself. So I know what kind of
wow, intense process this is. And I feel you have like you and Ebony, you have
such a tender wisdom of doing this. It's just like, cool. So thank you for that.
I love Ebony too. I always joke with her. I'm like, we're a dynamic duo. She and I,
she lives in Austin. I'm in the Dallas area. And I like, we try to like see each
other every, every now and then when we can, but yeah, she's, she's a blessing
too. And she's, yeah, but you too. I love her. Yeah, but you too. You're doing so
great. So actually I think I got a confirmation through what you were
teaching today in, because I'm, I'm, I was actually struggling with the, the
idea of, okay, there is online, any guy that just texts me and I should be open
to anybody who is just interested in me. And I felt
Sometimes if like a communication
Via texting is not flowing or I I feel there's no
hmm interest like from my side, I still should be open and that was so kind of a weird feeling and
Also regarding
Let's say
interests or
intelligence
education whatever like this whole part of
I really want to have like a partner who is
Matching in this area, you know and
Through what you said, I feel okay. This is a confirmation like I'm I'm I'm doing that fine
I'm I'm like my I don't know the word in English like
My filter
it's correct in this area like not just shutting down right away, but in a sense of
Yeah, sure
it should match, you know, and there should be that alignment and it's
There's an openness and there's an ease with it
Attraction grows and if it's not there and there's no alignment like if
intelligent and education is something that you value and you know, you really enjoy having you know,
intelligent academic
Conversation with someone and that is something that you know inspires you and sparks, you know, exactly you
Something that you can share with someone that you're you're wanting to potentially
Grow a relationship with and that's not there. It doesn't mean that you're not open to the idea
It's just showing you that this person's just not an alignment and it doesn't mean that it's negative
It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with them. It just is hey, this isn't this isn't an alignment
Yeah, they're still a good person. I'm a good person. We're just not for each other. Yeah, that's okay
like yeah, I think oftentimes we believe that if
We don't
Like someone in that way or if someone doesn't like us in that way we immediately go into this rejection
Mmm, and we think it's negative. Yeah, and so
One thing I remember when I was walking through this community with Jackie and and many of the other women
We often say that
rejection was God's
divine protection
and
It was okay like and and looking at it through a perspective of
If I'm being
Rejected I'm being protected by God because someone is saying hey
You're not in alignment with me. I don't see myself connecting with you in that way
That's protecting me in a way
from not like because now if I
Attached that person or not. That person's kind of stringing me along and not telling me that they're not interested. I
May not have the opportunity to get to know somebody and
so by
Someone releasing me or me releasing. Mm-hmm. It opens us up and then up
to the possibility of
Connecting with someone who actually is in alignment with mm-hmm
Who therefore does that make sense ladies?
So like it's it's not looking at rejection as a negative way or like oh, I don't want to hurt this person
You're actually hurting them
by not
Letting them know. Hey, I'm just I don't see this going in the romantic like I think you're a wonderful person
You are just not my person
We hurt them by not doing that and they hurt us by not doing that or we think that if they just kind of
Don't say anything to it us at all. Then there's something wrong with us. No, it just means they weren't in alignment with us
That just mean that there's anything wrong with us or anything wrong with them. It just
We're not in alignment
It's not who who God's created for us made for us all that stuff. Okay, you're not season, right?
Does that make sense?
Totally. It's more than I love that. I love that you've got that. So yeah, I don't ladies
I'm I'm thankful that you brought that up because ladies. I don't want you to think that
You have to continue to stay open to someone because it's not this dramatic
No, the no doesn't have to be dramatic. It no can be a no
Yeah
Have you it's the question of have you given yourself enough time?
time to ask yourself could what about like I'm not making a quick decision I'm
not basing this off my emotions this is I'm not seeing alignment here I'm not
seeing a connection I'm not seeing consistency I'm not seeing a pattern I'm
not seeing like there's just no attraction that's building over time
okay I'm not just talking about physical attraction ladies I'm talking about
emotional intellectual attraction as well I mean that sounds what is that
what you're kind of narrowing down it's like you want an intellectual attraction
to somebody that's important to you I think that's important like when you're
sitting and growing old with somebody you like that person's gonna be your
best friend you want to be able to carry a intelligent conversation with them I
mean for me it's even having being able to have spiritual conversations with
like obviously I wasn't going to figure that out early on in a relationship
because I'm not having these deep spiritual conversations with someone but
could I have enough conversation and was there a connection in that and a draw
and an attraction there where I enjoyed the conversation and was engaged in it
and I felt like they were reciprocating that's what I was looking for and when I
observed that and as that builds and then just how my faith was naturally
centered in my life would just come up in real life and then it came up in my
husband's real life because it was important and centered in his life as
well and so we did get to express that with each other and so we got to grow
into that over time as well does that help ladies awesome well I'm glad you
got that confirmation yes and just just a short question about phase three I
don't really get the difference to phase two so actually I just love that
community and like no knowing some people and yes getting getting update on
their story and stuff so actually I don't want to change you will see ladies
will shift over it is a it is a it will be a bigger community and and then there
will be more teachings there will be more opportunities to kind of do some
more calls with Jackie where you can do we have these things called ash Jackie
she'll do coaching stuff as well like she did that single spotlight but I do
think she opened it to everybody in the community she does those for phase three
not just she doesn't usually do them for the whole community she will usually
just do that for the phase three people so those type of activities and then we
have like the co-ed ones as well where we have the men that are in our men's
the what do we call it the 1822 so men that are in there they will be in some
of those co-ed calls as well so there's other teaching and then we'll and then I
think even Bethany does to leave even advanced heartwork sessions as well you
want some deeper heartwork stuff that that's there as well okay and then again
like the ladies that are in here will gravitate over there so you'll you'll
stay connected and then you'll get more and then you'll see a lot of those ladies
in there too because I don't typically have a lot of ladies in here that will
be in it like serious exclusive marriage-minded relationships in phase
two because this is that you just get your feet wet and then we movie and then
so there is going to be a lot more insight to you know more exclusive
relationships so if you find yourself in a serious level two that's going towards
level three level three going towards engagement you're gonna get to see that
walk as well which will be helpful so having that insight is beneficial
because then you know what you're preparing for as well yeah great okay
so it's kind of why we break it out we do this phase two because we know it's
sometimes a challenge going from phase one and then saying hey don't date in
phase one and now hey date but you're gonna date differently we want to make
sure that you have the support that's needed so that you feel most comfortable
to date with your heartwork tools yeah yeah but then everybody over in phase
three they've all they've all got that stuff too and there's lots of coaches
over there that are incredible too so
I hope that helps answer your question.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Hey, Sarah.
How are you?
Hey, Carla.
Hey, everybody.
I'm a little bit better.
I don't know if you had an opportunity to read my prayer request.
I don't think I have, but I'm writing your name down right now, so I will go double check
that.
Okay.
Thank you.
It was really hard on Sunday, and it's just been like an ongoing thing.
I kind of started something with somebody not meaning to, but it's just been like two
years of ... It's just been really pretty horrible.
I started right before I started this last year's single, and I wish I would have waited
a little bit to be able to observe and all of those things and not build an attachment
or have him or ... I don't know.
It's just been really crazy.
Culminating in Sunday, him, I'm finding out from somebody else while in a small group
with him that he has a girlfriend now, and she's moving out here, and he drove out to
Arizona to see her.
I'm in California.
It was just like a gut punch.
I'm just like, oh, my gosh, and I couldn't even hear it from you, like, thanks, guy.
It's just been like ... Like I say, my nervous system, you're talking about the nervous system
being activated.
Oh, yeah.
That night, I literally could not sleep.
I literally was up most of the night, and it was just wretched.
Anyhoo, and I just feel like we had like fireworks for like two years or something, and at the
same time, it wasn't necessarily for me, but maybe more for him, and I mean, to the point
even where I was like asking the group, like I'm asking the leaders in phase one, like
I was asking Bethany, I'm like, he is just doing things that make me feel really uncomfortable
where he's like circling around me in the room, and like he stopped being himself.
It was to the point where I just felt like he was obsessed, you know, and it made me
feel very uncomfortable, and so finally, I feel like we got over that at some point,
like in the last, we'll say, few months or so, three months, and so now I'm trying to
have it be real again, but at one point, it was real in the beginning, and then I invited
somebody to church, and a guy that I've known a long time, and he wasn't there, and he found
out about it, and he just like started treating me differently, and it just went kind of downhill
from there for how he was treating me, like not healthy, not kind, not like, you know,
and then, so anyways, I could just go on and on, but I don't want to like take up too much
time, but so I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to navigate these.
I know you were talking about like fireworks versus chemistry, so I would definitely say
it was probably more fireworks, you know, it was taking time to get to know him, like,
you know, just trying to like us get to know each other, but there was so much dysfunctionality,
and he had shared with me early on about his parents, how they didn't talk for a long time
when they like started to separate and divorce, you know, and so he's like sharing kind of
trauma bonding with me, and I'm trying not to get into that, you know, but, and you know,
I would say we both weren't guarding our hearts, and it was, we were, you know, anyway,
so you know, making mistakes, trying to make right, but it was just such an awkward for
like two years, and a lot of not talking to each other, and I'm like waiting, trying to
let him initiate, and he's not, and he wants me to, and it was just like, so it was like
all the worst, all the things, you know, that you guys talk about, it's like it's happening
in real time.
Girl, I get it.
And I get it, because I've been there.
And my favorite thing about letting, you know, rejection being maybe God's blessing to, you
know, opening up us up to somebody else, and him up, and, and part of me wants to like
advise him, like, why am I like that?
I want to be like, you know, are you sure you're ready?
And it's not our job, it's not our job to do that, no, no, this is, this is what I'm
hearing you even, you're even confirming it is like, there is dysfunction, there's
bonding, do you recognize the pattern and the inconsistency?
I do.
And what's frustrating is like, I'm drawn to it.
And I don't want to be it's like, it's like, I'm like a magnet to it.
And I just hate it.
Okay.
So let's, let's be careful with those, like, I think that's good recognition.
You're saying I'm a magnet to that.
I'm drawn to it. Do you see how you're making that an absolute statement?
Yeah like I feel like um he like I knew it was dysfunctional what he was doing
and I didn't like it at the time and then when it started to stop and slow it
was kind of like I was like oh I want it back. Yes okay so have you been able to
spend some time and sit with like what what God was wanting to show you there
like do like where that where that's rooted in? No. Because that's what that
would be my encouragement is then going into those heart work tools is really
utilizing that. See when we recognize the the emotion and these these triggers
it's going back to that phase one that heart healing cycle. It's really going
through that process and you know that was something that I was really good at
especially going into therapy because I had so much therapy like before heart
work. I mean and I oftentimes feel like Jackie would always use me as her poster
child for the you know you've been in therapy for several years but you're
that tipping point like I was that girl like and I'm really good at being able
to recognize what's not healthy but what I struggled with was going and going
deeper and going through that whole process and like coming out of the the
cycle of it and so it really is rewiring your brain and going through that cycle
of processing it differently and here's the thing Sarah is that you're not going
to do it perfectly. It takes time okay. I think you know catch the wind of you
recognizing that there is that dysfunction and there is there was that
trauma bonding. 100% that let that be that indicator for yourself of every
time you kind of want to go back but it feels good. No this is inconsistent
this is not what and go back to God's truth this is not what God designed
relationship to look like. This is not healthy. This is not what God would want
for me. I wouldn't want this for myself. Lord help me see why would I want this?
What is at the root of this? What fears are attached to this? And go through
those those heart work healing cycle things and and reckon like what a what
about what about it makes you feel like
you when you say you're a magnet to it do you do you feel like you have no
control to be able to remove yourself from it? Well so I wish I would have
removed myself after I found out that he you know his girlfriend has a
girlfriend she's gonna be moving out here. I right after I heard that and I
kind of flirt I guess flirted with him a little bit prior to that with some
comments in a way kind of joking kind of I don't know I like to tease and so I
kind of was teasing a little bit and and then that came out and then I was like
okay and and then I just kind of oh you know I kind of step back in a way to now
I'm gonna steer clear. Let me ask you so this might not be an answer that you
have right away or I don't want you to like spend some time marinating on it
yeah because here's it I mean the reality is is yeah we in hindsight now
that we feel this way we wish we would have done it differently but we can't
and that's okay yeah okay we don't want to don't stay in that space of beating
yourself up you're allowed to know that you're allowed to make mistakes what I
would like for you is saying okay I made a mistake now let me learn from this
yeah let me go and walk through so when I heard that he had a girlfriend and I
I'm sitting here telling myself that's when I wish I would have just ended it
but I didn't why didn't I what was I thinking what was I believing what led
my decision what you said you know you flirted you kind of tease why what's
that um I'm not sure but well went once after I flirted and tease a little bit
and then I thought about the girlfriend
And then I go, oh, so then I step back and I step away
and I go over to the bench and he quickly followed me
because I don't know if he interpreted it
as a rejection or what.
And then I felt obligated to engage him in conversation,
which did also include his girlfriend.
And, but I was just like,
I really don't want to talk to you right now.
I don't want to engage with you.
I want, I need some time to process.
And I don't feel like now that she, I mean,
she's practically, they're practically engaged
because she's moving out here.
And I guess now I'm like, I just really, you know,
before it was like, I kind of was like,
it was a no, but it wasn't a firm no, you know,
because, well, anyways,
and then now it's like a definite no, but.
Okay, I want you to stop for just a second though.
Let's remove what's going on with him and her.
Yeah.
What's going on with you down in here?
Yeah.
What is it that you were looking for?
What is, what do you get,
what fulfillment happens with the teasing and the flirting?
I think.
Was there an excitement that happens?
Is there the feeling chosen?
Is there a, like what, what motivates that?
Yeah, cause I, I guess,
cause we've had what about two years of trying to talk
and communicate, trying to talk and communicate
in a healthy way.
And it's been more healthy, unhealthy than healthy.
So now I'm like, okay, well, I'm gonna,
now I'm gonna engage and I'm gonna,
and I think I was also fearful because I think he's like
probably 10 years younger, but again, you know,
we weren't mature enough to where I could, you know,
we could figure out the age thing.
I dropped a hint that I was in my forties
and I'm trying to figure out what how old he is.
And he's not telling me like I didn't ask it out, right?
That's where some of that inconsistency,
there's not clear communication.
There's not a lot of clarity, but that's why, again,
I'm still trying to, I'm still trying to have you tap in
and let's get below the surface.
Yeah.
Really dig a little bit, you know,
spend time with Holy Spirit on that one.
Like what's, what's it rooted in?
So what's the teasing and rooting it, rooted,
what's the teasing flirting rooted in after all that?
Especially after you've seen a lot of the unhealthy
behavior, like even if you can recall like past memories
of something that felt similar to some.
Oh yeah, I mean, I can always take it back to my dad.
And of course there's a bunch of dysfunction, you know,
and you know, you try to make the best of things,
but it's like obviously dysfunctional.
My parents' relationship and my dad and his, you know,
alcoholism, I mean, he became a, you know,
stopped drinking alcohol when he was, when I was a baby,
but you know, there's still all of those, those,
the anger and he was still smoking.
Like you're like a sober alcoholic.
Yeah, yeah.
And you know, a lot of like, just meanness.
And then him and my mom didn't know how to, yeah.
So I'm sure a lot of it is like.
Yeah, and I think that, that, that,
I know it's like you just bringing that up.
I would, you know,
spend some time with Holy Spirit on that one and see if it,
if it, if there is any connections there,
if any of that kind of feels similar
to that part of your childhood
and any memories you can recall on that
and see where that connection is.
Sometimes those things can kind of link
and then we can kind of understand,
oh, that's why I was continuing to entertain
this unhealthy dysfunction
is because this is what I was used to.
But then you go through
and you walk through the heart healing cycle
and you spend time having God reveal what the truth is
and what he truly desires for you
and what lives we're believing
and what, how to replace those with truth.
And that will start unlocking it.
Again, this is,
it doesn't have to be perfection overnight.
Yeah.
It's, it's sometimes it's, you know, God,
God can use these really uncomfortable,
you know, unfortunate situations to bring a lot of healing.
It really does invite us to an opportunity.
You know, he doesn't mean for it to happen.
I mean, it, he turns everything for good.
He will not waste anything
and anything that the enemy is going to want to use
to kind of disrupt, destroy doubt.
God can literally use for his purpose.
And so in those moments
where you're feeling distraught and upset,
you know, just press into that
and start speaking that over yourself.
Yeah, that's what I really want to encourage you with.
Okay, we're out of time, ladies, but Sarah, I'm going to quickly pray over you,
and then, ladies, we will catch up next week, and then I will post that activation as well.
Heavenly Father, you know, we just lift Sarah up to you, Lord.
Lord, I just ask that you just comfort her in this time.
Just release your supernatural presence.
Fill her heart with the knowing that you are for her and nothing can be against her.
Lord, I invite just your calm and your love and your joy, gentleness, Lord.
Thank you for the grace that you give us as we grow into, you know, who you created us to be.
You knew that, you know, we are on this earth that's full of sin,
but you brought your Son to this earth so that we could have the Holy Spirit.
He died on the cross so we could have the Holy Spirit to guide us and have Jesus as a friend
that just knew exactly what we were experiencing, that we can lean on you as a father,
Jesus as a friend, and the Holy Spirit as our divine counselor to walk us through
each day of our life here on earth, Lord.
And Lord, I just, I ask that, you know, you just remind Sarah that what you have for us
in heaven can also be here on earth, and Lord, we just ask that, you know, we just,
we thank you that your kingdom is already here because your Son already came and died on the
cross, Lord, and that peace and that presence can be felt.
Lord, just, you know, cover Sarah right now.
Give her the strength and the boldness and the courage
to gently soften the soil to the roots of areas that you want to restore, Lord, that you want to
heal, that you want to redeem, Father. I pray that over not just Sarah but for everyone in this
community, Lord, that as these ladies, you know, walk into this week and, you know,
pressing into this Clarity Challenge as they really do embrace recognizing how they connect
so that they can fully embrace the it's a yes until to know that,
you know, the opportunity of how you allow dating to be an observation period,
that time for you to really allow your timing and your peace and your unfolding and your story
to be written, that we don't have to force anything, but when we partner with you and we
let you take control, you have the best story written for us.
So, I thank you for that and I release that over every single one of these women.
Let me ask this in Jesus name. Amen. Ladies, have a fabulous rest of your day. I'm going to go ahead
and make sure I catch all the comments because I don't think I read through them all. So, I'm going
to go through and make sure I copy them so that I can go through and make sure that I read them.
And then if I miss something and you want to post it in the app, please do and we will go in and
respond to that. But again, ladies, if I didn't get to your question, definitely either come on
tonight with Ebony or post it in the app and I will see you ladies next week. Okay, have a good one.