WEBVTT

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All right, there we go.

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Now we're working.

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Awesome.

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So good to see you, ladies.

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How is everybody?

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Got my chat up here.

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So-so.

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Yeah.

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What's going on?

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Just, just one of those days?

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Just a little bit sick.

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So.

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I'm so sorry to hear that.

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Yeah.

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We had sickness just floating around our house.

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So I know how that feels.

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It seemed to linger with me and the kids for several weeks.

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And I'm still, I still have a little bit of that like congestion, but it's, I'm coming

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out of it.

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So I'm really thankful.

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Well, we'll, we'll be praying for some health and healing over you for sure.

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All right.

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Okay.

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Well, let me go ahead and pray for us and then we'll get started with today.

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Good to see Laura here as well.

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Anybody else that's jumping in?

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Okay.

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So Heavenly Father, I just thank you.

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I thank you for each and every one of these ladies on the call today, Lord.

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And I think, thank you for each one of them that's watching and replay as well.

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Lord, I thank you for David and Jackie and this, this community of amazing people and,

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and, and leaders and, you know, what you are doing here, not just in relationships, but

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in the hearts of your sons and daughters, God, I just thank you for being able to bring

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us here to come together today.

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And Lord, I just thank you for the desire that is in each one of these hearts, the hearts

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of each one of these women to love well and to be loved well, not just by a spirit mate,

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but just by you as well.

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Lord, I just invite you into this conversation today.

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You know, we ask that you quiet any confusion, any anxiety, any pressure, Lord, just replace

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it with peace and clarity and your wisdom.

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You know, as we talk about dating and discernment, you know, help us slow down and trust what

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you reveal to us and over time.

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Guard our hearts from rushing ahead.

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Guard us from fear-based decisions and from overthinking like our interactions.

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Teach us how to stay open without losing ourselves, Lord, and how to discern without closing off

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too quickly.

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Lord, I just give you this time today and we ask all this in Jesus' name.

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Amen.

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All right.

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How is everybody?

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All right.

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I got two questions.

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That's good.

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All right.

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I shouldn't have too much going here today.

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I think this will be a very easy breezy teaching today.

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Not much for housekeeping, kind of the usual, right?

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If I have any newbies, do I have any?

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I don't think I do.

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I don't think I have any new ladies on for phase two, but we may have some watching and

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replay.

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And so if that is you, we welcome you watching and replay.

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If you're new to phase two, definitely make sure that you're checking out all the tabs

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in the app so that you're up to date with what you need to kind of move through this

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phase successfully.

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I always want to encourage you ladies to not rush through phase two, just like we ask you

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not to rush through phase one.

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Okay.

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Some ladies do and some ladies don't.

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Okay.

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But if you did rush through phase one, we're going to ask you definitely don't rush through

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phase two.

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And if you did or didn't, and you feel like, wait, I got to go back to phase one.

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I still have heartwork stuff.

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All the ladies here will tell you we heartwork you in here too.

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So don't, don't worry about not getting heartwork.

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Heartwork is kind of the foundation here.

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And it's something that you'll carry even into your relationships, into your future

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marriages and such like that.

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So just know that that never stops.

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Yeah.

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And just make sure that you're not, not rushing for sure.

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That is the best advice that I can give you.

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So, you know, let, let the Lord really guide this journey for you.

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Each lady here is going to have different things that the Lord wants to highlight and

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work in you to prepare you for the love story that he's written for you.

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And so don't compare yourself to where someone else is at or where, you know, that is so

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important.

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And I know having.

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done this myself. You know, I am a success story from Jackie's community. I joined in 2020 and I

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didn't get married until September of 2023 and I didn't meet my now husband until the end of 2022.

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You know, and I had that hopeful, you know, heart, open heart, like, oh, it's going to happen this

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year. And then 2020, like, you know, going into 2021, I was like, okay, 2021. And then it didn't

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happen. And I'm like, okay, 2022. And I was getting towards the end of 2022. And, you know,

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I'm like, okay, why is it happening for everybody else and not me? And so,

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I just want to, I say this to encourage you that it can happen in a blink of an eye.

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And every piece of this journey is so intentional and the pieces will come together and the dots

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will connect when everything aligns. And you'll see it and you'll be thankful for it. And you'll

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understand it a little more. You might not understand it right now. I cannot tell you how

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many times I was, like, not seeing it, you know. But just know that from someone who's been through

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this program, who's been in this community now over five years, been coaching for over two years

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now, God doesn't waste any of it. He really, really doesn't. So, definitely be gentle with

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yourself. Let God be gentle with you too. Okay. So, just keep that in mind. Okay. Kelly, you have

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a question about last night. If you want to put that in the chat. I was not able to check in last

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night about that single spotlight that Jackie did. And I did just see some questions in the app before

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I logged into the Zoom and saw that some people were having a hard time logging into that. I do

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believe it is going to be in replay or at least that's kind of what my understanding was looking

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briefly at Cheryl's, who's one of our admins. She does a lot of our computer technical stuff.

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She's fabulous. She's in Canada. If you ever get a chance to meet her, she is wonderful. She is

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a big ball of joy. Absolutely love her. But my understanding is that we will have that in

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replay. So, if it's not already up in replay, just keep your eye out there. So, yeah, definitely

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take a look for that. But yeah, Kelly, if you have a question about that, post it in the chat

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and I will look at that. Today, I just want to kind of touch a little bit on this phrase that

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you'll hear Jackie talk a lot about and myself and Ebony will. You'll hear us say it often,

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especially as you ladies are, you know, getting into dating more frequently, especially stepping

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your toes in the water in that dating pool. It's a yes until to know.

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And this is something that Jackie taught us when I was, you know, in the program

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and going through the dating part. And there were times that I would just get so confused

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by that phrase. And I would get frustrated at times and just be like, I don't know what you

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mean by this. It's a yes until to know. Like, when do I know it's a yes and when do I know

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it's a no? Because then sometimes I'm like, well, it's a no. And then I felt like I was being told,

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well, pump the brakes. Don't say no yet. Be open. And I'm like, but you told me it's a

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yes until to know. And for me, it's a no. And then the same thing is I would think it's a yes

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and I would be told, well, no, those are not yeses. Those are some flags. And I'd be like,

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what are you talking about? And so it would get really, really confusing. And so I hope

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that today I can help bring a little bit more clarity to that phrase and what that looks like

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and kind of what that's grounded and rooted in to kind of help you have an idea of the heart

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posture to go into dating with, with that mentality of it's a yes until it's a no.

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And I'm going to also pair that with something else that I find to be really important.

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And I noticed this, I've noticed this a lot through my coaching years. I don't think I

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noticed it so much when I was in, in my dating, because I just don't think I had the awareness.

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But now as a coach, I do is, um, being able to distinguish what is fireworks and versus

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real chemistry. We often talk about, you know, I didn't, I didn't feel the spark with somebody,

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or there weren't fireworks or, or there were fireworks. And so, you know, I'm excited about

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this. And then, you know, all.

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All of a sudden, those fireworks are just like, done.

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Like, you're like, well, what happened?

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Like, that finale was great.

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And then it's like, all the smoke.

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And then everyone just gets in their cars

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and drives back home.

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And you wait till next Fourth of July or next big holiday.

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And you're like, well, wait a second, what happened?

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Patty's laughing because she knows, right?

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You know?

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And so I hope, hopefully,

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by kind of pairing these two topics today,

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it will hopefully give a little bit more enlightenment

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and help the dating process become a little bit less,

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less pressure, I guess, is what I would wanna say.

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Because the whole idea is like,

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dating in and of itself, I know,

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can feel confusing at times,

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and it really doesn't need to be confusing.

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It's often confusing because we're misreading

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something that is more intense,

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and we're thinking it's clarity

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when really it's just more of an intensity

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than it is a clarity.

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Does that make sense?

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Yeah, okay.

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So the core of a yes until it's a no.

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So this is how I used to date, okay?

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And so if anybody can relate,

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so I just put it in the chat.

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This is you, okay?

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This is, I'm gonna own this part of myself,

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how I used to date, okay?

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You know, when I'd enter dating,

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this is what I would do.

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I would really wanna decide really early,

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is this guy the one?

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Do I feel enough?

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Do I feel like I have something to offer?

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And sometimes I'd even ask myself,

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oh, should I pull back?

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Am I doing too much, too little, too soon, not enough?

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You know, what is this?

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Could I marry this guy?

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You know, kind of asking all these questions.

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I see a lot of heads shaking.

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So I'm not the only one that did this, okay?

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You might do this now,

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or you might have done this before heartwork, okay?

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So just know you're not alone.

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I was definitely.

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So that 100% was right there.

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So that's where the pressure gets created,

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believe it or not.

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We actually put that pressure on ourselves

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with us thinking we need to have those decisions made

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in those first few interactions.

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And so we really use this,

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it's a yes until it's a no,

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to kind of replace this,

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like needing this decision-making process.

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Like, oh my gosh, I have to decide

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how do I feel about this person?

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How do I feel about this guy?

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What is this gonna look like?

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What would the future look like with this person?

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And so we really just want to stay open

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until we have a reason not to be really open,

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and like a good reason, okay?

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And it doesn't have to be decided super quickly.

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We can process it.

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The great thing is that in this community,

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we get to process it together with our sisters here.

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You get coaches that you can help process it with.

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So a yes is going to, is not,

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this is what a yes is not.

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This is, a yes doesn't mean this, okay?

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So write this down.

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A yes is not a commitment,

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it's not certainty,

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and it's not strong chemistry.

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That's not a yes.

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And I would have probably argued really early

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when I came into the program,

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but strong chemistry would sound like a yes.

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Like, oh, that spark is there.

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Oh, like that's a yes.

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I'm excited about it.

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You know, yes, we want you to be excited.

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Like, I would be like, well, Jackie, what do you want?

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Do you want me to not be excited about, you know,

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the guy that I'm going on a date with?

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Like, am I not allowed to be?

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That's not what we're saying.

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We're just saying, that's not the reason to say yes, okay?

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Yeah, I can get excited,

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but that's not going to be your,

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why you're saying yes, okay?

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A yes is going to mean,

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now you write these things down.

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There are no clear red flags that you see yet at all, okay?

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Doesn't mean that there might not be.

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Okay, you might even see some yellow flags.

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It doesn't necessarily mean it's a no right away,

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but a yes means that you're not seeing

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big indications of red flags.

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A yes means that there's some consistency

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that is existing in the connection.

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And there's a bit of curiosity and openness to the idea of getting to know the person.

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That's all that yes means.

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You're curious.

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You're open.

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You haven't seen red flags.

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There's some consistency there.

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There's some reciprocation happening.

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This, I want you all to definitely write this down.

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A yes is giving yourself permission to observe.

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It doesn't give you permission, per se, to decide right away.

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All it's saying is, hey, this yes gives you permission to sit back and observe.

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You don't have to have the decision right away.

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You get to watch.

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You get to look, see, be open, hear, listen, discern.

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You get to really sit back and absorb what that looks like.

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So that's really what the yes is.

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I'm open, and I'm curious, and I'm observing this person.

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Are they consistent?

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Are they showing up?

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Do they have fruits of the spirit?

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Do I like that?

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Like, what do I like about them?

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What do I maybe not like about them?

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These are just observations.

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So now let's go into what the no means.

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The no is not emotional, okay?

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And this is hard for me sometimes to wrap my head around, because those ladies that

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know me, you all know I'm not typically shy about sharing this.

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I'm a very emotional person.

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So when people tell me not to get emotional or things are not emotional, I'm like, but

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that's impossible for me.

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And maybe that's you too, okay?

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But there is a balance there.

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So your no, your decision of your no, I don't want you to focus on the emotion behind it.

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It's more on recognizing a pattern, making a decision of a no based on patterns that

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you observe, and basing that on the clarity that that pattern is bringing.

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Not just the emotion that surfaces, but what is that pattern you're observing, what's that

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message say?

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Not what it feels like.

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Y'all, this is something that God is really growing me in this, the feeling part, like

284
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I tend to lead with my feelings.

285
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He is definitely working with me on that.

286
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Doesn't mean that emotions are not a positive thing.

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I actually think it's what makes me like, special, I guess I would say like, I think

288
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it's a gift that God has blessed me with, of being emotional, so if that's you, I really

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want you to embrace that about yourself.

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Emotions are a gift.

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God gave you those emotions on purpose, and so that's something that I'm learning to embrace

292
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even.

293
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So, the no is going to be like, repeated inconsistency.

294
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It's emotional unavailability.

295
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Like if you're seeing these patterns, it's misalignment over time.

296
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And if your interest is naturally fading, that's going to, that pattern right there

297
00:19:00.180 --> 00:19:03.900
is telling you that's a no.

298
00:19:03.900 --> 00:19:10.620
There's not inconsistency, there's no consistency there, doesn't feel aligned, some things just

299
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don't seem to measure up, and it's over time.

300
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It's this pattern, it's not like the one-off.

301
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A red flag is going to automatically be a no.

302
00:19:25.780 --> 00:19:27.700
And maybe that's what I'll do next week.

303
00:19:27.700 --> 00:19:30.540
I'm going to actually write this down.

304
00:19:30.540 --> 00:19:37.380
I may do a teaching on the differences between red, yellow, and green flags.

305
00:19:37.380 --> 00:19:40.020
We can get more into that.

306
00:19:40.020 --> 00:19:43.340
And we can go into that a little bit more if we have time, but I do want to get through

307
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so I can get to your questions.

308
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But red flags most certainly will.

309
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Red flags are going to be, there's abusiveness, like emotional abuse, physical abuse, threats.

310
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If there's an intensity...

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00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.200
in them. I mean, those types of things, those are immediate, like, okay, this person's just

312
00:20:05.200 --> 00:20:13.520
not a safe person. You know, I'm recalling a situation with a lady we had in our phase,

313
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probably about a year ago. She started dating a guy and everything felt, again, like fireworks.

314
00:20:21.760 --> 00:20:27.920
There was this intensity, everything was great. And then she didn't respond to him

315
00:20:28.720 --> 00:20:34.000
because she had, like, a Bible study or something. And he was blowing up her phone

316
00:20:34.560 --> 00:20:42.320
and getting really, like, verbally abusive to her in text messages and making, like,

317
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threats and accusing her of things. And it was very early on. It was very, very intense with

318
00:20:49.840 --> 00:20:57.200
emotions. And then he'd come back and apologize. And then she'd be like, oh, everything's fine.

319
00:20:57.680 --> 00:21:04.880
Well, this pattern happened, I think, two more times. And there was a time, like,

320
00:21:04.880 --> 00:21:12.160
he was cussing her out. And then he ended up showing up at her job. Like, somehow she

321
00:21:13.200 --> 00:21:16.560
didn't lean on the advice of, like, hey, we're not telling people where we work

322
00:21:17.520 --> 00:21:21.600
early on in those level one and level twos. And he showed up at her work.

323
00:21:22.160 --> 00:21:29.280
And we were like, okay, this is pretty serious. Like, this is a red flag. And we had to encourage

324
00:21:29.280 --> 00:21:41.440
her to get a restraining order. So red flags most certainly are, are no, like, I, red flags to me are

325
00:21:42.560 --> 00:21:49.280
like sexually explicit comments, things of that nature, 100%. Like, especially early on,

326
00:21:49.280 --> 00:21:56.240
you know, if they're leaning towards, like, no, that's a red flag, any sort of aggression or anger

327
00:21:56.240 --> 00:22:05.280
or just obscured, like, emotionally unstable behavior from them, I would say that's, that can

328
00:22:05.280 --> 00:22:14.240
be, that's, that's a red flag for me. Okay. But a no is simply just, it doesn't align. That's what

329
00:22:14.720 --> 00:22:22.080
your no is. This doesn't align with me. When you are centered and grounded in, like, who you are,

330
00:22:22.880 --> 00:22:29.760
what you want, and there's peace about that. There's no intensity. There's no confusion.

331
00:22:29.760 --> 00:22:37.280
It's clarity. There's patterns that you've, you've seen that that's, your yes is going to be in

332
00:22:38.240 --> 00:22:44.720
peace. Those no's are going to be like, oh, this just doesn't align. Like, this isn't what,

333
00:22:45.280 --> 00:22:47.840
what I would want for me. This isn't what God would want for me.

334
00:22:49.200 --> 00:22:55.520
And it doesn't need to be a dramatic reason. It, it can just be repeated truth. Again, it's that

335
00:22:56.400 --> 00:23:02.560
you're, you're watching things to be, you're observing consistency. And that's why I always

336
00:23:02.960 --> 00:23:12.080
encourage you ladies to pace your dating appropriately and don't rush the process.

337
00:23:14.080 --> 00:23:21.360
Spend time in that and really sit and, and recognize what are you observing? Okay.

338
00:23:23.040 --> 00:23:30.480
So when we do this, it's a yes until it's a no. It really does kind of keep us from the two

339
00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:36.240
extremes. And so those extremes are, you are going to over attach too quickly, or you're going

340
00:23:36.240 --> 00:23:42.800
to like cut and run and shut down too quickly. Those are your two extremes. Okay. You're going

341
00:23:42.800 --> 00:23:49.040
to attach, or are you going to, you know, get those running shoes going. Okay. You're going to

342
00:23:49.040 --> 00:23:56.160
close yourself off. So that's where that like anxious or avoid, you know, I'm that lovely

343
00:23:56.160 --> 00:24:01.840
person that I would have a combination of the two. It just depend, just depended on the day.

344
00:24:02.960 --> 00:24:11.520
All right. So you really want to be able to move into that observation and over-interpretation.

345
00:24:11.520 --> 00:24:16.880
Okay. Cause we can observe things through a different lens and we can perceive it and say,

346
00:24:16.880 --> 00:24:24.480
oh, well, this is what it is. Well, we're just looking for facts. We're not, we're not going

347
00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:29.520
to interpret it out of our own emotions. So again, that wasn't, this is an area I

348
00:24:29.520 --> 00:24:38.320
personally can struggle in because I'm an emotional feeling person. Like I tend to go

349
00:24:38.320 --> 00:24:44.240
with my feelings. So this is, again, it's, there's nothing we don't have to be perfect at it. It's

350
00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:51.120
just working at it. Okay. So if that's you just work at it, you want to recognize that you want

351
00:24:51.120 --> 00:24:59.760
to shift into patterns and not just moments. Okay. You can have a really good moment with somebody.

352
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:07.880
But if those are really inconsistent, then it's probably not a yes. If there's

353
00:25:07.880 --> 00:25:15.200
a pattern of, you know, consistency and good moments and things of that nature,

354
00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:21.360
then absolutely. And there's going to be a presence over the pressure. Like if

355
00:25:21.360 --> 00:25:29.640
there's a pressure. Feelings over from emotions. Feelings, that's a good

356
00:25:29.640 --> 00:25:36.280
question. Like emotions, feelings to me are just, what it, like it's n-word. Like

357
00:25:36.280 --> 00:25:42.560
it's a, yeah, they are kind of, they are different. Like there's, there's that, it's

358
00:25:42.560 --> 00:25:48.680
kind of like a fine line. Would you agree? But they are different. Yes. To me, I

359
00:25:48.680 --> 00:25:54.240
think emotions, there's nothing wrong with emotion. Our feelings though can be

360
00:25:54.240 --> 00:26:03.360
driven from false things. Like false evidence appearing real. Right? It appears

361
00:26:03.360 --> 00:26:08.640
real, but it doesn't always like mean that it's real. It's just a feeling. But

362
00:26:08.640 --> 00:26:12.240
it doesn't necessarily mean that it's not true. It may be true to us in our

363
00:26:12.240 --> 00:26:18.440
perspective, but it's through our own lens. And so it's, it's catching how we're

364
00:26:18.440 --> 00:26:26.160
reacting and how, what, based on that emotion. Like there's an emotion, how are

365
00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:31.800
we responding in that emotion? What, what are we doing to draw, like what's, what's

366
00:26:31.800 --> 00:26:38.480
our reaction? What are we using to drive that response? Are we using facts? Are we

367
00:26:38.480 --> 00:26:47.320
using feeling? Now I'm someone, especially in my past, a lot of my

368
00:26:47.320 --> 00:26:54.000
responses and reactions would be driven from how I felt. And it left me in some

369
00:26:54.000 --> 00:27:00.640
pretty not-so-great places. Okay? So I'm having to learn that balance of, okay, my

370
00:27:00.640 --> 00:27:05.920
emotion is fine, but how I respond and how it makes me feel and how it's

371
00:27:05.920 --> 00:27:12.440
driving me and my surroundings is, is different. I mean, I could probably go

372
00:27:12.440 --> 00:27:17.440
off on a big, another teaching on that, but I'll stop right there. But we, and we

373
00:27:17.440 --> 00:27:24.640
can always spend some more time on that on another, on another session too. But

374
00:27:24.640 --> 00:27:37.280
going back, so I want to highlight this. One good date is not a lifelong yes. Just

375
00:27:37.280 --> 00:27:45.320
isn't. And one awkward moment is not a permanent no.

376
00:27:48.160 --> 00:27:52.600
If that was the case, I had several awkward moments, I think, on my first

377
00:27:52.600 --> 00:28:02.200
date with my husband. We crashed a, um, we both had to go to the bathroom and we,

378
00:28:02.280 --> 00:28:07.280
we were walking downtown Bradenton, Florida, and there was a theater and

379
00:28:07.280 --> 00:28:12.480
we're like, okay, we're going to go, go in here and use the bathroom. We walk in

380
00:28:12.480 --> 00:28:18.960
and it was just like a lobby full of people, like over the age of like 65. I

381
00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:25.640
mean, we were like the youngest people by like 20, 30 years easy. I mean, and I'm

382
00:28:25.680 --> 00:28:31.080
in my forties now. Okay. So I mean, it was just like, oh, and it was one of those

383
00:28:31.080 --> 00:28:34.280
things. It's like we walked through the door and it was like all eyes just like

384
00:28:34.280 --> 00:28:38.760
turned on us and it was like this lobby. And so we're like, okay, we just go to

385
00:28:38.760 --> 00:28:43.920
the bathroom. And I was only in the bathroom for maybe like two or three

386
00:28:43.920 --> 00:28:50.960
minutes. And I come back out and he was already out and the whole place had

387
00:28:50.960 --> 00:28:56.560
cleared out. We were the only two people in the lobby. Like everybody left in like

388
00:28:56.560 --> 00:29:05.240
two minutes. It was the weirdest, most awkward thing in the world. And I'm like,

389
00:29:05.320 --> 00:29:10.720
oh gosh, this is like, this is a first date for the books. Let me tell you. Um,

390
00:29:11.120 --> 00:29:21.040
but that wasn't a no. It actually led me to a lifelong. Yes. So, um, what I really

391
00:29:21.040 --> 00:29:24.400
want to emphasize ladies is you don't want to force, you're not trying to force

392
00:29:24.400 --> 00:29:29.640
any clarity. You really are just wanting to allow it to reveal itself. You know,

393
00:29:29.680 --> 00:29:35.080
give yourself that time and the space for that to happen. Okay. And so now we're

394
00:29:35.080 --> 00:29:43.560
going to get into this fireworks versus chemistry. Okay. So not all attraction is

395
00:29:43.560 --> 00:29:51.240
going to be equal here. Okay. And a lot of times the dating confusion comes

396
00:29:51.240 --> 00:29:57.520
because we mistake intensity and fireworks for compatibility.

397
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:11.600
Fireworks are going to feel like instant intensity, emotional obsession, constant thinking about

398
00:30:11.600 --> 00:30:15.960
them, the high highs and maybe the low lows.

399
00:30:15.960 --> 00:30:27.680
Y'all, I just described to you my entire decade of my 20s and part of my 30s of dating.

400
00:30:27.680 --> 00:30:31.720
That's what dating was for me, all fireworks.

401
00:30:31.720 --> 00:30:38.120
And so I just thought dating, that's what dating was supposed to be, intensity, emotional,

402
00:30:38.120 --> 00:30:41.720
and you know, always thinking about them and, you know, when things were good, they were

403
00:30:41.720 --> 00:30:42.720
really, really good.

404
00:30:42.720 --> 00:30:46.720
And when things were bad, they were really, really bad.

405
00:30:46.720 --> 00:30:54.800
But what's actually happening there is your nervous system is activated, all right?

406
00:30:54.800 --> 00:30:59.840
There's this uncertainty plus this dopamine spike, it's a combination, so you're just

407
00:30:59.840 --> 00:31:02.480
like feeding that.

408
00:31:02.480 --> 00:31:09.760
And then there's this, you know, emotional unpredictability that you're going to mistaken

409
00:31:09.760 --> 00:31:10.760
for the spark.

410
00:31:10.760 --> 00:31:11.760
It's like spontaneous.

411
00:31:11.760 --> 00:31:18.200
There's an excitement that comes with it, right?

412
00:31:18.200 --> 00:31:29.960
Which at first it's exciting, but ladies, those sparks eventually fizzle, like you don't

413
00:31:29.960 --> 00:31:41.120
want uncertainty in a committed lifelong marriage-minded relationship, in a marriage, inconsistency

414
00:31:41.120 --> 00:31:46.800
in that it doesn't really build a healthy relationship, okay?

415
00:31:46.800 --> 00:31:52.920
That intensity is not clarity because really what it is, it's just your nervous system

416
00:31:52.920 --> 00:31:59.200
reacting and that's not real alignment.

417
00:31:59.200 --> 00:32:08.200
So what real chemistry will feel like, it's going to have a calm curiosity.

418
00:32:08.200 --> 00:32:20.520
There's a steady interest, a relaxed presence, and attraction that builds over time.

419
00:32:20.520 --> 00:32:27.800
It may not feel as dramatic, okay, it might feel less dramatic, but it's going to be stable

420
00:32:27.800 --> 00:32:28.800
and real.

421
00:32:28.800 --> 00:32:31.800
Teresa, did you need me to repeat something?

422
00:32:32.120 --> 00:32:40.640
Okay, calm curiosity, steady interest, relaxed presence, and attraction that builds over

423
00:32:40.640 --> 00:32:41.640
time.

424
00:32:41.640 --> 00:32:42.640
Okay.

425
00:32:42.640 --> 00:32:56.800
So it's going to be like, I like this person and I feel grounded, like it might not sound

426
00:32:56.800 --> 00:33:06.920
very exciting, but it's real and it's okay and there's a safeness in it.

427
00:33:06.920 --> 00:33:14.320
And that was something that was really foreign to me, especially if you're like, always feel

428
00:33:14.320 --> 00:33:19.280
like you were in survivor mode, like survival of the fittest, like you're just like you

429
00:33:19.280 --> 00:33:20.280
come out running.

430
00:33:20.280 --> 00:33:24.240
I know Jackie always talks about, when she was born, she felt like she was that, like

431
00:33:24.400 --> 00:33:28.280
how to like just take off running in the wild.

432
00:33:28.280 --> 00:33:37.480
So if that is kind of the life and the childhood that you've grown up in, that's going to feel

433
00:33:37.480 --> 00:33:39.360
foreign to you.

434
00:33:39.360 --> 00:33:43.760
And that might be why you're kind of like, well, this doesn't, I don't think that this

435
00:33:43.760 --> 00:33:47.160
is it because it's going to be calm.

436
00:33:47.160 --> 00:33:54.200
And if you're not used to calm, that's going to be like, well, I don't know about that.

437
00:33:54.200 --> 00:33:58.520
When really that really is what chemistry does feel like.

438
00:33:58.520 --> 00:34:00.000
There's a piece about it.

439
00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:01.000
Yeah.

440
00:34:01.000 --> 00:34:07.120
Gail, it's, you look for the piece, 100%.

441
00:34:07.120 --> 00:34:11.980
That's more sustainable than the constant intensity.

442
00:34:11.980 --> 00:34:16.600
You know, it's not going to feel like this anxious, obsessed, like something's got to

443
00:34:16.600 --> 00:34:18.520
always be going on.

444
00:34:18.520 --> 00:34:24.960
And so if you're someone again, like I can, you know, be transparent with this, like I'm

445
00:34:24.960 --> 00:34:30.380
a person that my nervous system tips typically fires a lot.

446
00:34:30.380 --> 00:34:35.360
I have just a natural, like there's intensity.

447
00:34:35.360 --> 00:34:41.100
That's just kind of how I grew up and you know, how my life always looked.

448
00:34:41.100 --> 00:34:49.860
And so I'm having to learn how to rewire that where sometimes the calm and the safe

449
00:34:49.860 --> 00:34:54.540
and the peace is actually not a negative thing.

450
00:34:54.540 --> 00:35:00.020
Like sometimes if things are too quiet or too calm, I'm like, wait, what's going on?

451
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.640
Like, I'm sitting there constantly looking like something's going to happen, and it's

452
00:35:07.640 --> 00:35:13.160
learning to be like, no, that's just, that's peace, and that's okay, that's what we want,

453
00:35:13.160 --> 00:35:14.160
that's what we pray for.

454
00:35:14.160 --> 00:35:19.800
How many of us ever just pray, Lord, just give me peace, and then it's like, I pray

455
00:35:19.800 --> 00:35:24.540
for that, y'all, and then it's like, I get it, and I'm like, and he's like, I've given

456
00:35:24.540 --> 00:35:28.720
it to you, and then you don't know what to do with it, Carla.

457
00:35:28.720 --> 00:35:34.080
That's how my guy is with me, he's just sometimes like, oh, honey.

458
00:35:34.080 --> 00:35:40.000
So we really do just want to be able to balance both of those extremes, so you're not wanting

459
00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:47.080
to force chemistry, but you're also not wanting to dismiss the slow burn connection too fast,

460
00:35:47.080 --> 00:35:52.720
because again, if there's such a slow connection, and we're not used to that intensity, we might

461
00:35:52.720 --> 00:35:58.000
dismiss it quickly, like, oh, I don't know, I don't feel like there's an attraction here.

462
00:35:58.280 --> 00:36:06.640
Well, if you're someone that's typically around a lot of intensity, it's probably, you're

463
00:36:06.640 --> 00:36:11.600
probably not going to feel attracted right away, and that's okay.

464
00:36:11.600 --> 00:36:12.600
Are you open?

465
00:36:12.600 --> 00:36:13.800
Again, it's a yes until it's a no.

466
00:36:13.800 --> 00:36:16.720
Is it just open, is there curiosity?

467
00:36:16.720 --> 00:36:20.960
Is there just something that you are intrigued and interested by?

468
00:36:20.960 --> 00:36:29.760
So I want you asking, is there enough attraction and ease to stay open?

469
00:36:29.760 --> 00:36:39.440
Is there something, and is there an ease about it?

470
00:36:39.440 --> 00:36:45.400
You're not asking, is this overwhelmingly intensive, or do I feel nothing and should

471
00:36:45.400 --> 00:36:46.400
quit?

472
00:36:46.880 --> 00:36:51.040
So you're not looking for all of a sudden, intense, if there's intensity, I got it, nope,

473
00:36:51.040 --> 00:36:55.360
not looking for that, and I'm also not looking, like, I'm not feeling anything, so should

474
00:36:55.360 --> 00:36:56.360
I quit?

475
00:36:56.360 --> 00:37:03.760
No, just look, hey, is there enough attraction and ease that I want to stay in getting to

476
00:37:03.760 --> 00:37:06.240
know them?

477
00:37:06.240 --> 00:37:08.320
Are there some yeses here?

478
00:37:08.320 --> 00:37:12.000
Is there consistency?

479
00:37:12.000 --> 00:37:14.320
Is there curiosity?

480
00:37:14.320 --> 00:37:21.320
So merging this into what it could look like in dating in those early stages, like, I would

481
00:37:21.320 --> 00:37:26.040
say level one, if you're watching Dating 101, that's level one, you're just, maybe you haven't

482
00:37:26.040 --> 00:37:31.840
met in person yet, you're doing some messaging back and forth, maybe a phone call.

483
00:37:31.840 --> 00:37:38.760
There's some attraction, and there's no clear no, so you're going to stay open to that.

484
00:37:39.520 --> 00:37:47.640
There's something there that you're like, I would like to see if I can meet this person

485
00:37:47.640 --> 00:37:51.160
face to face, or at least on a video chat.

486
00:37:51.160 --> 00:37:53.360
I'm interested.

487
00:37:53.360 --> 00:37:57.560
There's something about them that I want to learn more about.

488
00:37:57.560 --> 00:38:01.040
There's some attraction, again, it doesn't have to be this attraction, like, oh, this

489
00:38:01.040 --> 00:38:06.320
guy's so good looking, no, it just could be like, I'm really interested in getting to

490
00:38:06.320 --> 00:38:11.080
know more about, you know, this, you know, hobby that he's into.

491
00:38:11.080 --> 00:38:15.040
Like, I've never heard of, I've never heard about that.

492
00:38:15.040 --> 00:38:17.040
I wonder what that's about.

493
00:38:17.040 --> 00:38:23.000
Like, is there something that is drawing you to wanting to get to know them?

494
00:38:23.000 --> 00:38:25.160
So that's when I talk about attraction.

495
00:38:25.160 --> 00:38:31.120
Okay, not always just physical attraction, but an interest to get to know them.

496
00:38:31.120 --> 00:38:32.800
That's that early stage.

497
00:38:32.840 --> 00:38:38.600
In the dating stage, that level two, okay, remember, I like level two, I like to look

498
00:38:38.600 --> 00:38:45.640
at as like level two A, which is like dates one through three, and then date, like, level

499
00:38:45.640 --> 00:38:53.080
two B is like, okay, I've had three, three, four dates, I've been consistently going on

500
00:38:53.080 --> 00:39:00.320
dates with this person for a month or two, and I really am enjoying them.

501
00:39:00.320 --> 00:39:05.720
I continue to have some interest in them and, and want to continue to see if this could

502
00:39:05.720 --> 00:39:11.720
build into something like there's enough attraction here that I'm like, I'd be interested to see

503
00:39:11.720 --> 00:39:18.280
if this could be a potential exclusive doesn't mean that I'm right there ready or they're

504
00:39:18.280 --> 00:39:24.000
ready for exclusivity, but I'm open to the possibility.

505
00:39:24.000 --> 00:39:28.320
That's that sec, that's the latter part of level two.

506
00:39:28.320 --> 00:39:35.440
So this is where you're just observing consistency and your body's response over time.

507
00:39:35.440 --> 00:39:39.280
So you see how there's time that's involved in this.

508
00:39:39.280 --> 00:39:44.320
We're not going from zero to 100.

509
00:39:44.320 --> 00:39:48.960
We're not going from, you know, that firework shoots off and then in five seconds, it's

510
00:39:48.960 --> 00:39:56.680
like boom, like, that's like, we're going level one to level three exclusive.

511
00:39:56.680 --> 00:40:00.040
We're talking about engagement, like right off the bat, okay.

512
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.640
No, we're not we're not going there or like oh, I just I don't want to date anybody else, but this person. Oh, let's

513
00:40:07.280 --> 00:40:10.580
Let's let's pour some some ice water on you. Okay?

514
00:40:12.320 --> 00:40:14.320
That's okay, you're just

515
00:40:14.360 --> 00:40:17.200
Spending this time observing some consistency

516
00:40:17.800 --> 00:40:21.280
And what how is your body in your mind?

517
00:40:22.080 --> 00:40:24.040
How are you responding?

518
00:40:24.040 --> 00:40:26.040
Be mindful of it

519
00:40:26.280 --> 00:40:28.680
What is your thought process? What fears?

520
00:40:29.560 --> 00:40:35.400
Anxieties are you you know starting to kind of lean into some some, you know over

521
00:40:36.360 --> 00:40:38.360
overthinking and all that kind of stuff

522
00:40:38.360 --> 00:40:45.120
Okay. Now, let's say like you're into those later level two stages and and potentially you're getting closer to that level three

523
00:40:45.120 --> 00:40:49.560
Or maybe you're in level three. This is where your clarity is going to be built from patterns

524
00:40:50.400 --> 00:40:52.400
not moments

525
00:40:53.720 --> 00:40:56.600
At this stage is when I would say if

526
00:40:56.600 --> 00:41:01.480
If you have had a decent amount of consistency with patterns

527
00:41:02.240 --> 00:41:06.720
That is going to give you more clarity and you're going to be able to walk into

528
00:41:07.560 --> 00:41:12.120
You know when when the man brings up the the conversation of exclusivity

529
00:41:12.840 --> 00:41:16.880
you're gonna have some clarity because you are gonna have seen some patterns and

530
00:41:19.080 --> 00:41:21.880
So there's not gonna you're not gonna feel pressured

531
00:41:22.560 --> 00:41:26.400
There is going to be a piece. There's gonna be a calm. It's not gonna be intense

532
00:41:27.600 --> 00:41:31.680
You can step into that level three exclusive relationship

533
00:41:32.360 --> 00:41:38.600
With with knowing hey, I've seen some I've observed some patterns. There hasn't been any

534
00:41:39.120 --> 00:41:41.080
inconsistencies here and

535
00:41:41.080 --> 00:41:46.640
Then that last part is that chemistry awareness, you know

536
00:41:46.640 --> 00:41:50.880
You you know, you're not confusing fireworks with compatibility and you're not ignoring

537
00:41:51.480 --> 00:41:53.480
Steady attraction either

538
00:41:54.000 --> 00:41:55.160
Okay

539
00:41:55.160 --> 00:42:02.160
Don't want you ladies thinking. Oh, well, this feels like fireworks. So this probably isn't compatibility. No, you're allowed to have

540
00:42:03.760 --> 00:42:05.760
Compatibility and it's allowed to feel exciting

541
00:42:06.480 --> 00:42:10.600
But you're not going to confuse that with what compatibility really is

542
00:42:11.160 --> 00:42:15.760
You're also not ignoring that a steady attraction

543
00:42:16.680 --> 00:42:19.200
That that is compatibility

544
00:42:20.560 --> 00:42:21.840
Okay

545
00:42:21.840 --> 00:42:29.280
That's what compatibility is you're you're you're on a trend of like building those patterns

546
00:42:30.560 --> 00:42:36.760
So it's gonna create this emotional stability in you. That's gonna there. You're gonna have less overthinking. I

547
00:42:37.680 --> 00:42:41.760
Don't know about you all but I I'm an over thinker, especially when I was dating

548
00:42:42.440 --> 00:42:44.320
overthought all the time and

549
00:42:44.320 --> 00:42:48.720
So when that compatibility is there there's it really does remove

550
00:42:49.520 --> 00:42:53.040
Any need to overthink any any relationship

551
00:42:55.200 --> 00:42:58.720
You're gonna it's gonna remove any urgency to decide

552
00:42:59.760 --> 00:43:02.840
There's not gonna be this heavy heavy urgency

553
00:43:04.200 --> 00:43:09.640
Because it's just gonna be paced because you're compatible with someone and they're pacing with you

554
00:43:11.360 --> 00:43:15.000
There's a less attachment to early intensity and

555
00:43:15.440 --> 00:43:20.440
And you're gonna learn to trust more in patterns over time

556
00:43:22.600 --> 00:43:26.960
You're gonna stop forcing that certainty and you're gonna start recognizing it

557
00:43:28.040 --> 00:43:32.480
Instead of pushing it. It's just gonna become a lot simpler

558
00:43:34.080 --> 00:43:36.080
It's gonna keep you grounded

559
00:43:36.920 --> 00:43:38.920
You

560
00:43:41.600 --> 00:43:47.800
No rushing not forcing it just allows things to unfold over time, okay

561
00:43:50.480 --> 00:43:52.480
So we got lots of questions

562
00:43:52.600 --> 00:43:58.840
So I don't miss this because I really do I always tend to forget the activation and then we will post it in the in

563
00:43:58.880 --> 00:44:00.880
the app

564
00:44:00.880 --> 00:44:05.880
I'm going to encourage you ladies to do this clarity challenge

565
00:44:06.080 --> 00:44:08.320
So it's how you experience connection

566
00:44:08.880 --> 00:44:13.240
Okay, because clarity isn't built in dating

567
00:44:14.600 --> 00:44:17.080
It's revealed through how you relate

568
00:44:18.960 --> 00:44:25.120
Everywhere, okay, so you all can do this whether you're dating someone or not or you know

569
00:44:25.480 --> 00:44:29.800
It literally I just whatever situation you're in you're gonna be able to do it

570
00:44:30.200 --> 00:44:34.920
Okay, and this is not and it's really not about dating. It's really about noticing

571
00:44:35.120 --> 00:44:37.120
What is your heart drawn to?

572
00:44:37.800 --> 00:44:39.800
how does your body respond and

573
00:44:40.680 --> 00:44:43.560
How you process connection and attraction?

574
00:44:44.440 --> 00:44:46.440
It's having that awareness

575
00:44:48.520 --> 00:44:53.680
So I want you the first step is I want you to notice your responses and all the connections

576
00:44:54.880 --> 00:44:56.600
Okay

577
00:44:56.600 --> 00:45:00.040
So again, you don't have to be dating anybody. Okay, and

578
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:07.360
I want you to pay attention to any interaction or dynamic that creates a reaction in you.

579
00:45:08.400 --> 00:45:15.840
This could be like a text, a conversation, attention from somebody, could be attention

580
00:45:15.840 --> 00:45:21.760
from a stranger, attention from someone that is a close friend. It could be anything of that nature.

581
00:45:21.760 --> 00:45:28.560
It could be interactions and friendships, people that you work with, you know, someone that even

582
00:45:28.560 --> 00:45:37.520
if it's someone that you think about, I want you to think about what reaction is created in you.

583
00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:44.560
Okay, and then these are the things that you're going to ask. Does this create pressure,

584
00:45:44.560 --> 00:45:52.080
overthinking, or an emotional spike? When I think and I'm paying attention to these

585
00:45:52.080 --> 00:45:56.800
interactions with these people, is it creating any sort of pressure, overthinking, or an emotional

586
00:45:56.800 --> 00:46:05.200
spike in me? Or does it feel calm, easy, and grounding? Recognize those. Okay, this is just

587
00:46:05.200 --> 00:46:12.640
you're noticing how are you responding in these interactions and what reaction happens.

588
00:46:13.360 --> 00:46:19.120
So, this is where you're simply going to label, hey, this is intensity, which is like fireworks.

589
00:46:19.680 --> 00:46:26.720
Okay, and some fireworks don't always have to be good things either.

590
00:46:26.720 --> 00:46:32.080
You can have an intensity or like, y'all, if I would go back to some of my old jobs,

591
00:46:32.960 --> 00:46:40.960
some of my interactions with people, oh my lord, there were some intense, not fun fireworks.

592
00:46:41.920 --> 00:46:46.400
Okay, friendships, work dynamics, and even someone that you think about. So,

593
00:46:48.000 --> 00:46:52.160
does it create pressure, overthinking, or emotional spikes? And the last one,

594
00:46:52.160 --> 00:46:54.560
does it feel calm, easy, and grounding?

595
00:46:58.720 --> 00:47:03.520
So, you're going to label, is this an intensity, like the pressure, overthinking,

596
00:47:04.080 --> 00:47:13.520
the firework part? So, how is this, that's being created? Or is there a real chemistry? Is there,

597
00:47:13.520 --> 00:47:19.840
there a steady connection? You know, I used to work with some of my friends.

598
00:47:20.560 --> 00:47:24.000
And so, when I go to work with those people, there was a steady connection there.

599
00:47:25.440 --> 00:47:31.040
There was a peace when I like come in and like, oh, I get to work with you today. Oh,

600
00:47:31.520 --> 00:47:38.640
like there was a calm about it. There'd be other times I'd walk in and be like, oh, no, like,

601
00:47:40.400 --> 00:47:46.640
I'm going to need like, extra coffee today, or maybe not coffee at all, because I'm going to

602
00:47:46.640 --> 00:47:54.640
have enough, you know, and like, I'm not going to need it. There's gonna be enough, you know.

603
00:47:55.360 --> 00:48:05.840
So, yes, yes, there you go. Exactly. Like, what, what am I sent? Like, what's being created? Am I,

604
00:48:05.840 --> 00:48:11.360
do I got fireworks before the shift? Or do I have like the Zen going? Like, what is it?

605
00:48:11.920 --> 00:48:16.240
So, that's what, that's the first step is, that's all you're doing is just labeling,

606
00:48:16.240 --> 00:48:21.600
what are these interactions? It's just recognizing that. And so, then your second step to this

607
00:48:21.680 --> 00:48:27.360
activation is being able to catch that moment where you're trying to figure it out. Okay.

608
00:48:29.200 --> 00:48:34.720
And that's where most of us are going to lose our peace. And that's when we, you know,

609
00:48:34.720 --> 00:48:39.760
we might notice ourselves replaying conversations. Y'all, that's something I do a lot.

610
00:48:40.800 --> 00:48:48.320
I can literally replay conversations, or map out how I'm going to, what I'm going to say

611
00:48:48.320 --> 00:48:54.480
in conversations. Yes, Patty, I'm glad I'm not the only one. And Dana too. Yeah. Like,

612
00:48:54.480 --> 00:48:58.160
I will sit there and I will go and I will do the dialogue in my head.

613
00:48:59.600 --> 00:49:06.160
That's when I lose my peace, y'all. Reading into something small. Definitely, I do that.

614
00:49:07.280 --> 00:49:12.320
Feeling urgency to define something and wanting to pull away quickly.

615
00:49:12.400 --> 00:49:16.800
So, if you notice any of those things in yourself, I want you to pause and say,

616
00:49:16.800 --> 00:49:21.680
okay, I don't need to figure this out right now. I can just observe this.

617
00:49:23.680 --> 00:49:31.680
Yeah. All of those above are me too. Absolutely. I'm telling you, see, like, this isn't, you don't

618
00:49:31.680 --> 00:49:35.040
have to do this just for dating. Y'all, I'm married and I'm like, oh, I'm going to, I'm

619
00:49:35.040 --> 00:49:38.400
going to be doing this activation for me this week, for sure.

620
00:49:38.720 --> 00:49:43.440
So, I'm going to be getting in there and sharing, sharing with y'all in the app, my little,

621
00:49:43.440 --> 00:49:50.720
my little post. And so, all that is, is that's where the heart of the yes until to know.

622
00:49:51.280 --> 00:49:58.720
It's really being able to kind of recognize what is going on in your life and how you're

623
00:49:58.720 --> 00:50:03.840
going to be able to, how you're going to be able to, how you're going to be able to,

624
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.180
Response and what reaction is in me and when and when I see that

625
00:50:05.880 --> 00:50:09.320
Reaction am I trying to figure something out?

626
00:50:10.640 --> 00:50:16.980
Okay, we want to put a pause there on that. I don't need to figure this out. I don't need to go to overthinking

627
00:50:16.980 --> 00:50:18.980
I don't need to

628
00:50:19.200 --> 00:50:23.360
And I don't have to do replay all these conversations in my head. I

629
00:50:24.840 --> 00:50:27.240
Don't have to have all those answers right away

630
00:50:28.240 --> 00:50:33.680
Even though it can it feels y'all it feels like I need to

631
00:50:34.360 --> 00:50:36.360
But that's just not the truth

632
00:50:37.680 --> 00:50:41.800
Or sometimes you just want to pull away real quick because you're like I can't handle this

633
00:50:42.240 --> 00:50:49.600
All right, and so just know you're like, hey, I don't have to do any of these things. I literally can sit back and just observe

634
00:50:51.240 --> 00:50:54.800
I can take a minute an hour a day

635
00:50:55.040 --> 00:50:56.560
A day

636
00:50:56.560 --> 00:51:02.880
Couple days. I don't need to have all the answers right? I don't have to figure this out

637
00:51:03.200 --> 00:51:05.680
That's where it's a yes until it's a no comes

638
00:51:06.920 --> 00:51:08.920
That's the posture of it

639
00:51:10.120 --> 00:51:12.920
So this is not just dating it's and how you process everything

640
00:51:15.400 --> 00:51:17.400
You know and that's I

641
00:51:17.760 --> 00:51:23.000
Coming out of dating and having been married now two and a half years. I'm like, oh my word

642
00:51:23.440 --> 00:51:30.320
Like now it makes sense. I'm like I wish this clicked for me before I

643
00:51:31.640 --> 00:51:33.640
Met my husband

644
00:51:33.880 --> 00:51:35.520
I'm like dang

645
00:51:35.520 --> 00:51:41.040
life would been much more of a breeze enjoyable in my singlehood and

646
00:51:42.840 --> 00:51:46.760
You know, maybe these couple years of marriage would been a little less intense at times

647
00:51:47.520 --> 00:51:53.320
But it really is it's how you process everything so one thing to do differently is

648
00:51:53.840 --> 00:51:58.600
Your step three. Okay, so your step one you're recognizing

649
00:51:59.160 --> 00:52:03.200
Step two is you're putting a pausing. Okay, I don't have to figure this out right now and

650
00:52:04.000 --> 00:52:09.560
Then you're gonna do something different. Okay, so if you feel drawn to intensity

651
00:52:09.760 --> 00:52:14.480
You might choose environments or people that feel safe or calm

652
00:52:15.480 --> 00:52:23.440
If you overthink this is this is a big one for me you're gonna stay present instead of analyzing

653
00:52:25.480 --> 00:52:29.000
When I I was going through this I was like, oh man, I

654
00:52:30.120 --> 00:52:32.400
analyze a lot I

655
00:52:33.200 --> 00:52:40.120
Have to figure out the why and how and not just my wise in-house, but everybody else's wise in-house

656
00:52:40.960 --> 00:52:42.960
So, yeah

657
00:52:43.280 --> 00:52:49.360
That's going to be my challenge for myself this week is not to go into that overthinking part

658
00:52:49.360 --> 00:52:51.360
But just to go and stay in the present

659
00:52:51.800 --> 00:52:55.680
Being in the here and now and not having to analyze and figure all of that out

660
00:52:56.240 --> 00:52:58.240
If you're someone that seeks validation

661
00:52:59.120 --> 00:53:00.600
You're gonna

662
00:53:00.600 --> 00:53:04.080
Practice being at ease without needing to perform

663
00:53:04.960 --> 00:53:06.480
and

664
00:53:06.480 --> 00:53:08.480
You

665
00:53:09.840 --> 00:53:15.560
You don't have to do anything you don't have to you don't have to go be the person that you know is

666
00:53:16.600 --> 00:53:19.520
You know that main volunteer at church

667
00:53:20.520 --> 00:53:22.520
Because no one else is gonna do it

668
00:53:23.160 --> 00:53:26.520
So you're always volunteering to do it at church, right? Oh

669
00:53:28.720 --> 00:53:33.480
They're gonna recognize me they're gonna see me I'm always putting myself out there

670
00:53:34.320 --> 00:53:37.040
I'm not gonna perform. I'm

671
00:53:38.200 --> 00:53:40.200
Don't need the validation

672
00:53:40.440 --> 00:53:43.080
It's okay. I'm already chosen

673
00:53:44.640 --> 00:53:46.640
If you're someone that shuts down

674
00:53:47.520 --> 00:53:50.360
You're gonna choose just to stay open a little bit longer

675
00:53:54.880 --> 00:54:00.680
That one might be hard because this is me sometimes I shut down pretty quickly and I'm like, okay

676
00:54:01.680 --> 00:54:06.880
If I were you all right now and I was listening to me as a coach I'd be like, okay

677
00:54:07.480 --> 00:54:11.760
Can you tell me how much is a little bit longer like 30 seconds Carla?

678
00:54:13.320 --> 00:54:15.320
Is that a little bit longer

679
00:54:16.000 --> 00:54:18.840
Cuz I'd be like I could probably give you 30 more seconds

680
00:54:21.000 --> 00:54:27.360
Yeah, you ladies know I see some of you laughing but that is me I'd be like, uh

681
00:54:28.640 --> 00:54:30.640
Like how much longer?

682
00:54:30.720 --> 00:54:32.720
30 seconds would feel like

683
00:54:33.080 --> 00:54:35.080
hours

684
00:54:35.360 --> 00:54:40.800
All right, so just do what you can okay, there's no perfect here

685
00:54:40.800 --> 00:54:47.760
All right, and it's okay. If you don't get it, right, you just try it another day and

686
00:54:48.360 --> 00:54:53.320
Let us know what that process is. And then your step four is going to be that

687
00:54:54.000 --> 00:54:55.640
personal

688
00:54:55.640 --> 00:54:57.640
revelation part like

689
00:54:57.640 --> 00:55:00.200
Reflecting, you know, what kind of energy do I?

690
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.240
but I naturally respond to.

691
00:55:02.240 --> 00:55:05.720
You know, do I associate intensity with connection?

692
00:55:05.720 --> 00:55:08.760
What actually makes me feel safe and grounded?

693
00:55:08.760 --> 00:55:11.100
Where might God be inviting me to grow?

694
00:55:11.100 --> 00:55:12.420
That's that reflection piece.

695
00:55:12.420 --> 00:55:15.600
That's where really these activations can unlock a lot.

696
00:55:16.880 --> 00:55:20.080
And so then you all are gonna make a post

697
00:55:20.080 --> 00:55:23.960
in the app to share that you did the Clarity Challenge

698
00:55:23.960 --> 00:55:25.040
and what it's done for you.

699
00:55:25.040 --> 00:55:27.840
So we'll post that in the app as well.

700
00:55:27.840 --> 00:55:31.200
So, all right, let's go ahead and take questions.

701
00:55:31.200 --> 00:55:32.760
I got six of you with questions.

702
00:55:32.760 --> 00:55:34.440
We've got about 35, 40 minutes.

703
00:55:34.440 --> 00:55:37.120
So that should be plenty of time.

704
00:55:37.120 --> 00:55:39.120
Let's make sure that we're just keeping things short,

705
00:55:39.120 --> 00:55:40.780
brief and powerful.

706
00:55:43.120 --> 00:55:45.840
And then I will also be going through the chat as well.

707
00:55:45.840 --> 00:55:46.840
So Dana, you're up.

708
00:55:46.840 --> 00:55:47.880
How are you?

709
00:55:49.120 --> 00:55:51.560
Hello, Carla.

710
00:55:51.560 --> 00:55:54.640
I am good, I guess.

711
00:55:54.680 --> 00:55:57.820
I just rolled out of bed, literally, as usual.

712
00:56:01.360 --> 00:56:04.360
I'll just, so that you have some context.

713
00:56:05.200 --> 00:56:09.120
A while back, I started a book study

714
00:56:09.120 --> 00:56:12.320
with some friends of mine from church

715
00:56:12.320 --> 00:56:16.640
called Living Unoffendable by Patricia King.

716
00:56:16.640 --> 00:56:17.480
Okay.

717
00:56:19.360 --> 00:56:21.960
And I knew I would encounter, you know,

718
00:56:21.960 --> 00:56:25.200
many opportunities to practice what we are studying.

719
00:56:26.800 --> 00:56:31.800
And I went to a singles event on Saturday at a church,

720
00:56:34.320 --> 00:56:37.120
quite a distance from where I live.

721
00:56:37.120 --> 00:56:39.200
They've started a new singles group

722
00:56:39.200 --> 00:56:40.680
and there aren't many in my area.

723
00:56:40.680 --> 00:56:42.080
And I thought, oh, a good opportunity

724
00:56:42.080 --> 00:56:45.080
to meet some new people, blah, blah, blah.

725
00:56:45.080 --> 00:56:49.280
And the teaching was horrendous.

726
00:56:52.000 --> 00:56:56.640
I already wasn't, like, I literally,

727
00:56:56.640 --> 00:56:58.320
one gentleman was sitting,

728
00:56:58.320 --> 00:57:00.800
and I've encountered him in singles events.

729
00:57:00.800 --> 00:57:02.040
We've never had a conversation,

730
00:57:02.040 --> 00:57:06.360
but he's been in this single world a long time, like I have.

731
00:57:06.360 --> 00:57:09.920
And as I recall, he's like a youth worker

732
00:57:09.920 --> 00:57:11.360
or a social worker or something.

733
00:57:11.360 --> 00:57:16.120
So he is emotionally intelligent and aware.

734
00:57:16.120 --> 00:57:18.640
And he was, at one point he turned around and he goes,

735
00:57:18.720 --> 00:57:20.520
you need to stop this right now.

736
00:57:21.480 --> 00:57:23.360
And the woman was, hmm.

737
00:57:23.360 --> 00:57:25.680
And he waited a few minutes to see if anything would happen.

738
00:57:25.680 --> 00:57:30.680
He goes, no, we were watching a video, a horrendous video.

739
00:57:30.920 --> 00:57:32.640
And he goes, no, I'm not joking.

740
00:57:32.640 --> 00:57:34.520
You need to stop this right now.

741
00:57:35.840 --> 00:57:39.480
I got up and I turned around so I couldn't face the screen

742
00:57:39.480 --> 00:57:41.160
because it was, we were watching,

743
00:57:41.160 --> 00:57:42.440
we were trying to read subtitles.

744
00:57:42.440 --> 00:57:46.320
Anyway, that's how bad this was.

745
00:57:46.320 --> 00:57:47.200
Oh my word.

746
00:57:47.200 --> 00:57:52.200
And then, so I already wasn't in a great place.

747
00:57:53.200 --> 00:57:57.720
And when she finally did allow us to turn it off

748
00:57:57.720 --> 00:57:59.800
and to turn the lights back on,

749
00:58:01.160 --> 00:58:04.880
he go, and she started in on the rest of her teaching

750
00:58:04.880 --> 00:58:08.400
and she's pulling scripture out of thin air

751
00:58:08.400 --> 00:58:10.720
and trying to force it to apply to what she,

752
00:58:10.720 --> 00:58:12.680
anyway, it was absolutely horrendous.

753
00:58:12.680 --> 00:58:13.920
And he stood up and he goes,

754
00:58:13.960 --> 00:58:17.160
that verse doesn't mean that.

755
00:58:17.160 --> 00:58:19.160
Those two have nothing in common.

756
00:58:19.160 --> 00:58:22.080
And I'm going, yes, hallelujah.

757
00:58:22.080 --> 00:58:23.880
And she goes, well, if you don't like it,

758
00:58:23.880 --> 00:58:25.080
you can just leave.

759
00:58:26.640 --> 00:58:27.920
And I thought, oh, please leave

760
00:58:27.920 --> 00:58:29.360
because I'll just follow you out

761
00:58:29.360 --> 00:58:31.400
because I don't want to be here anymore.

762
00:58:32.520 --> 00:58:33.920
And he just, he was stunned.

763
00:58:33.920 --> 00:58:35.440
He sat back down.

764
00:58:35.440 --> 00:58:37.720
You could just, his face, he was utterly stunned.

765
00:58:37.720 --> 00:58:41.200
So not a great, not a great setting.

766
00:58:42.200 --> 00:58:46.120
And then we got broken up into groups of four.

767
00:58:47.760 --> 00:58:50.760
And I was probably, I wasn't the oldest person there,

768
00:58:50.760 --> 00:58:52.520
but it was a 35 plus.

769
00:58:52.520 --> 00:58:56.240
There was no end date or end age.

770
00:58:56.240 --> 00:58:58.320
So I attended and there were others there

771
00:58:58.320 --> 00:59:01.880
in my age range in their 60s guaranteed

772
00:59:01.880 --> 00:59:04.120
or late 50s, absolutely.

773
00:59:04.960 --> 00:59:07.480
But the people we were with was another older woman

774
00:59:07.680 --> 00:59:12.320
like myself and two very young men.

775
00:59:12.320 --> 00:59:16.720
One, I swear looked like he was 12 and very shy

776
00:59:16.720 --> 00:59:18.640
and couldn't speak.

777
00:59:18.640 --> 00:59:23.640
And the other one was probably late 30s, early 40s.

778
00:59:24.800 --> 00:59:27.680
And he started talking.

779
00:59:27.680 --> 00:59:29.920
We had questions we had to answer.

780
00:59:29.920 --> 00:59:34.280
And he started in about how the world is a mess

781
00:59:34.280 --> 00:59:37.360
and the problem is that women want to work.

782
00:59:38.120 --> 00:59:38.960
And they shouldn't be working.

783
00:59:38.960 --> 00:59:43.960
And I went from zero to volcanic eruption in nothing,

784
00:59:50.520 --> 00:59:53.480
no amount of time.

785
00:59:53.480 --> 00:59:58.000
And I have been fighting this battle in the Christian world

786
00:59:59.800 --> 01:00:00.640
for how long?

787
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.800
very long time. And I'm tired of it. And I can't believe I'm still doing this. And I don't care

788
01:00:06.800 --> 01:00:14.240
about his reaction. He needs to, he's got to deal with his own stuff. But my reaction, I was not okay

789
01:00:14.240 --> 01:00:22.720
with my behavior. I was not and I start, I'm in that fight mode, my brain goes offline. And I can't

790
01:00:22.720 --> 01:00:31.520
even think about what a good reply would be like a good response. Anyway, I'm getting all worked up

791
01:00:31.520 --> 01:00:37.440
just even telling you about it now. I'm so mad. So I need some I've been trying but working on it

792
01:00:37.440 --> 01:00:43.200
since Saturday, me and God trying to get at the root of why I am reacting this way. And I know

793
01:00:43.200 --> 01:00:50.880
part of it is that I want women to have every opportunity and to have what all the giftings and

794
01:00:50.880 --> 01:00:56.080
talents and opportunities and everything that God has placed in us that we should flourish and

795
01:00:56.080 --> 01:01:02.960
bloom. I just am pro woman all the way. I always have been I was a child in the 60s and a young,

796
01:01:02.960 --> 01:01:09.680
you know, a young woman in the 70s. And I've, you know, if I'd have been able to do the marches and

797
01:01:09.680 --> 01:01:14.880
burn the bras, I would have done it. But I couldn't, right. Because I was just a little

798
01:01:14.880 --> 01:01:20.400
too young for that. And so and it's still happening. And I swear, the church is going

799
01:01:20.400 --> 01:01:26.880
to have a lot to answer for when judgment day comes. It just will. But I love the church.

800
01:01:28.080 --> 01:01:33.680
But I need help because I can't continue running. I can't this there's something inside of me that's

801
01:01:33.680 --> 01:01:43.360
triggered. Yeah. Well, it's good luck. No. No, there's a lot of things that I can definitely

802
01:01:43.360 --> 01:01:49.120
relate to and what you shared. I can get really passionate about things, too, especially things

803
01:01:49.120 --> 01:01:58.240
that I feel really strongly about. And I really like that there was someone there, especially a

804
01:01:58.240 --> 01:02:05.120
man to stand up and say, Hey, that's not what that scripture means. Yeah. And so I'm, I'm

805
01:02:05.120 --> 01:02:13.760
thankful that you when you were sitting in a space and you were recognizing like, this is

806
01:02:13.760 --> 01:02:19.760
not good. This is horrendous. And what this woman is teaching isn't in alignment with what God's,

807
01:02:20.320 --> 01:02:28.080
what biblically is shared, and it's out of context. That is, to me, that is helpful

808
01:02:29.040 --> 01:02:36.800
that you're recognizing it. And so I'm thankful that you had someone else there that was able to

809
01:02:36.800 --> 01:02:44.720
also recognize it and stand up and share that. And that in of itself, to me was that was that

810
01:02:44.720 --> 01:02:52.800
first piece of recognizing. And that's what I heard you say in the very beginning, when she

811
01:02:52.880 --> 01:02:57.200
which, and she said, Well, if you don't like that, then you can go ahead and leave.

812
01:02:57.840 --> 01:03:05.760
And he sat back down. But your thought in your gut was saying, Oh, please leave.

813
01:03:06.640 --> 01:03:14.240
Because then I'll follow you. And we weren't the only two that were offended. Oh, I'm sure you

814
01:03:14.240 --> 01:03:19.920
weren't. It sounds like it. There was a party in the ladies washroom afterwards, because that's

815
01:03:19.920 --> 01:03:26.000
what we do, right? We all head for the bathroom. And I was talking to women, and they were all

816
01:03:26.000 --> 01:03:33.520
offended. And they attend that church. Yeah. And so that's what I, I'm interested in

817
01:03:35.840 --> 01:03:45.920
what thought process was happening for you in the moment of, if the guy walked out, I would have gone.

818
01:03:46.480 --> 01:03:55.520
But what, what kept you from just not walking out? Why would it take someone else, or someone

819
01:03:55.520 --> 01:04:01.280
prompting? Like if you if you're sitting there, and especially when you're hearing a teacher,

820
01:04:01.280 --> 01:04:07.120
and that's her response, that point, you know, she's not going to hear anything. Yeah, they're

821
01:04:07.120 --> 01:04:13.120
not there to change someone's thought process, if that's what she believes. And, you know, and

822
01:04:13.280 --> 01:04:19.200
she's the one up there teaching. Okay, you know, I'm just not going to agree with her. And that's

823
01:04:19.200 --> 01:04:26.240
okay. And she doesn't have to agree. I mean, you know what, she gets to be left to the Lord. And

824
01:04:26.240 --> 01:04:35.040
but it's about guarding your peace, and what's happening inside you emotionally. And so that's

825
01:04:35.920 --> 01:04:44.720
where I want you to go back to that first initial part, where you that to me sounds like the

826
01:04:44.720 --> 01:04:51.520
trigger. Yeah, you're watching something that does not sit well with you. And you know, in your gut,

827
01:04:51.520 --> 01:04:56.240
like this doesn't align. I mean, to me, that even shows us when we're even when we're dating,

828
01:04:56.240 --> 01:04:58.880
when you know, something doesn't align.

829
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:08.440
how do we respond differently? So instead of sitting there, what else could you have done?

830
01:05:08.440 --> 01:05:29.600
I'm asking myself, why didn't I get up? Okay. And I don't know. Yeah. To be the first one is to be

831
01:05:29.600 --> 01:05:36.160
the first one to stand, you know, if I had stood up and left, it would have, I don't know why,

832
01:05:36.160 --> 01:05:42.320
because it's not like I care what people, it's not like I care if I've got all eyes on me or

833
01:05:42.320 --> 01:05:50.000
not. I've been a leader. I've led large groups. I don't care. But I think maybe because it was

834
01:05:50.000 --> 01:05:56.320
such an intimate setting, like I would get up in a large church and I would get up and leave,

835
01:05:56.320 --> 01:06:02.160
no problem. But somehow this intimate little setting that was just for us, supposedly,

836
01:06:03.760 --> 01:06:10.080
I just, I couldn't, I couldn't do it. Let me ask you this. You said something about, you know,

837
01:06:10.080 --> 01:06:14.560
you've been a leader before you're, you're, you're, that's not, that's not the issue,

838
01:06:14.560 --> 01:06:18.000
the being concerned with what people would think or, or see, you know,

839
01:06:18.560 --> 01:06:21.600
all eyes on me to get up. That doesn't bother me.

840
01:06:24.160 --> 01:06:27.200
I'm curious, what is your thought around,

841
01:06:30.400 --> 01:06:34.640
are you typically the one that is the one standing up and leading all the time?

842
01:06:36.080 --> 01:06:41.040
Very often. And I just, I'm tired. There you go.

843
01:06:42.000 --> 01:06:44.320
Yeah. Talk, talk about that.

844
01:06:48.560 --> 01:06:53.760
Well, it's not just in a work setting. It's in my own personal life. I raised my children by myself.

845
01:06:53.760 --> 01:07:00.000
They're in their late thirties now. So I've been making all the decisions and doing all the leading

846
01:07:00.000 --> 01:07:05.920
for a very, very long time. And I just really don't want to do it anymore. Plus I have now a

847
01:07:06.880 --> 01:07:14.720
brain injury from a car accident that I was in. And so I don't make good decisions necessarily

848
01:07:14.720 --> 01:07:24.480
anymore. I have problems with my processing speed and my executive functioning, along with a bunch

849
01:07:24.480 --> 01:07:32.560
of other things. And God is definitely healing me. And I'm much better today than I was a year ago.

850
01:07:33.440 --> 01:07:42.720
I can see improvements, but I still struggle. And when I get emotional like that, there's just no

851
01:07:42.720 --> 01:07:51.920
hope that anything is going to come back on my frontal cortex at all. It'll be days. And so it

852
01:07:51.920 --> 01:07:57.760
just would be so nice to just, it's why I chose to sit in the back of the room because I don't,

853
01:07:57.760 --> 01:08:01.600
I didn't want to be called on. I just wanted, you know, to participate.

854
01:08:01.600 --> 01:08:06.640
You just wanted, you just wanted to receive, you didn't want to have to take on the responsibility.

855
01:08:07.520 --> 01:08:08.080
True.

856
01:08:08.080 --> 01:08:13.120
Because have, you know, like you said, you raised your kids by yourself and they're 30 now.

857
01:08:13.680 --> 01:08:14.240
Yeah.

858
01:08:14.240 --> 01:08:18.960
You had, would you say you've had a lot of responsibility put on you over the years?

859
01:08:19.840 --> 01:08:20.640
Tremendous.

860
01:08:21.279 --> 01:08:25.200
So there, so, and that's what you're saying. You're like, I'm tired. Like I,

861
01:08:25.359 --> 01:08:32.160
really on so many levels that you, you're, you know, you get to a point where you're like,

862
01:08:32.160 --> 01:08:40.080
okay, someone else and someone else speak up for once. I'll support you, but I just don't want to

863
01:08:40.080 --> 01:08:44.560
have to be the one to initiate it because there is a courage. There's a boldness that kind of

864
01:08:44.560 --> 01:08:50.000
comes up. There's, there's still effort that goes into that. And you're just, you know, you want to

865
01:08:50.000 --> 01:08:57.359
sit back and be like, you know what, why does it have to be me? I would encourage you to spend

866
01:08:57.359 --> 01:09:05.840
some time on processing through the, the, the thoughts and the fears and the concerns and the,

867
01:09:05.840 --> 01:09:17.359
all the, all the things that come with all those responsibilities that you've, that you've had.

868
01:09:18.080 --> 01:09:24.319
All those responsibilities that you've, that you've had placed on you over the years and, and

869
01:09:24.319 --> 01:09:32.319
what, what's going on inside? Is there any forgiveness that needs to take place? Is there,

870
01:09:32.319 --> 01:09:38.240
um, you know, go back through some of those memories, spend time with the Lord, like with

871
01:09:38.960 --> 01:09:47.600
the having to always be the one to lead and to do and to be responsible.

872
01:09:50.080 --> 01:09:53.760
And is that possibly triggering

873
01:09:55.760 --> 01:09:59.920
when you see things setting uneasy that you want to

874
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.660
to say, hey, I want to stand up for this,

875
01:10:04.040 --> 01:10:06.040
but now I don't want to have to be the one to do it.

876
01:10:06.040 --> 01:10:08.440
Why isn't anybody else taking the charge?

877
01:10:09.520 --> 01:10:14.520
And if that's potentially what's causing

878
01:10:14.960 --> 01:10:17.840
some of that volcanic eruption,

879
01:10:17.840 --> 01:10:20.800
it could just be some healing that needs to take place

880
01:10:20.800 --> 01:10:23.680
with what was created there.

881
01:10:24.760 --> 01:10:26.400
Okay. Does that make sense?

882
01:10:26.400 --> 01:10:28.320
Yeah, it does, thank you.

883
01:10:28.320 --> 01:10:29.320
Yeah, you're welcome.

884
01:10:29.360 --> 01:10:31.160
Absolutely, I can relate on so many levels.

885
01:10:31.160 --> 01:10:32.200
Oh, you have no idea.

886
01:10:34.040 --> 01:10:38.200
100%, especially if you raise your kids by yourself.

887
01:10:38.200 --> 01:10:39.640
Yeah, I should have said this.

888
01:10:39.640 --> 01:10:40.960
I could have responded this way.

889
01:10:40.960 --> 01:10:42.360
Why didn't I say that?

890
01:10:42.360 --> 01:10:46.440
Why didn't I just smack him across the face or spank him?

891
01:10:46.440 --> 01:10:47.800
Because that's what he needed.

892
01:10:47.800 --> 01:10:50.120
He was like, I just, I thought, no, Dana,

893
01:10:50.120 --> 01:10:52.480
this is just for pity's sake.

894
01:10:52.480 --> 01:10:53.320
I got to stop.

895
01:10:53.320 --> 01:10:54.800
Well, and that's what I'm saying,

896
01:10:54.800 --> 01:10:56.760
and then we kind of get on ourselves

897
01:10:56.760 --> 01:11:00.120
and then we beat ourselves up.

898
01:11:00.120 --> 01:11:01.160
I should have done this.

899
01:11:01.160 --> 01:11:03.280
I should have, I mean, then we should all over ourselves.

900
01:11:03.280 --> 01:11:04.440
Yes.

901
01:11:04.440 --> 01:11:07.160
Well, that doesn't do us any good either.

902
01:11:07.160 --> 01:11:10.040
Like, no, it's recognizing, okay,

903
01:11:10.040 --> 01:11:12.400
this is what was happening.

904
01:11:12.400 --> 01:11:14.520
This is what it made me feel.

905
01:11:14.520 --> 01:11:16.400
This is really what the root is,

906
01:11:16.400 --> 01:11:20.280
and now I get to invite Holy Spirit into this process

907
01:11:20.280 --> 01:11:22.440
and he gets to heal me through this.

908
01:11:22.440 --> 01:11:25.400
And I think, like I said, it's recognizing,

909
01:11:26.040 --> 01:11:27.880
you have that awareness.

910
01:11:27.880 --> 01:11:29.440
Hey, there's something.

911
01:11:29.440 --> 01:11:34.440
You even saying like, I want to know why

912
01:11:34.880 --> 01:11:39.080
and I want to know, I don't want to have this reaction.

913
01:11:39.080 --> 01:11:43.720
That heart posture there shows me the true heart of you.

914
01:11:47.720 --> 01:11:51.520
And so that's to be celebrated.

915
01:11:52.520 --> 01:11:55.240
That is, like, that's pure.

916
01:11:56.080 --> 01:11:57.160
Like, you recognize that and you see that

917
01:11:57.160 --> 01:11:59.640
and you desire that and you long for that.

918
01:11:59.640 --> 01:12:02.160
And that's what you are seeking the Lord for.

919
01:12:02.160 --> 01:12:04.600
And I want you to continue to press into that

920
01:12:04.600 --> 01:12:07.640
because that is what is really beautiful.

921
01:12:09.560 --> 01:12:13.840
And God sees it and he's going to honor that.

922
01:12:13.840 --> 01:12:16.600
And so, you know, and sometimes it takes us having to look

923
01:12:16.600 --> 01:12:20.120
at some of those things in our past

924
01:12:20.120 --> 01:12:22.400
that can get really uncomfortable,

925
01:12:22.400 --> 01:12:27.400
but it will release such a healing.

926
01:12:27.400 --> 01:12:32.400
And like I said, I think you recognizing,

927
01:12:32.400 --> 01:12:36.680
you know, wanting that, it's going to be more accelerated

928
01:12:37.720 --> 01:12:40.400
because of that desire.

929
01:12:40.400 --> 01:12:42.040
And like I said, God's showing you like,

930
01:12:42.040 --> 01:12:43.160
hey, you're not alone.

931
01:12:43.160 --> 01:12:47.960
There are other people out there that do have

932
01:12:47.960 --> 01:12:50.440
and that are willing to do it.

933
01:12:51.400 --> 01:12:56.400
And it's just, you know, it's you learning.

934
01:12:56.680 --> 01:12:57.960
Like, you know what?

935
01:12:57.960 --> 01:13:00.640
I don't have to do something bold and courageous.

936
01:13:00.640 --> 01:13:03.000
I can just stand up and walk out.

937
01:13:03.000 --> 01:13:04.320
I don't have to voice it.

938
01:13:04.320 --> 01:13:05.840
I don't have to be the one to take charge.

939
01:13:05.840 --> 01:13:07.600
I can just get up and walk out.

940
01:13:08.640 --> 01:13:11.840
And if I see that person again, I can say,

941
01:13:11.840 --> 01:13:14.440
hey, I really appreciated when you did that.

942
01:13:14.440 --> 01:13:16.880
That took a lot of courage for you to stand up

943
01:13:16.880 --> 01:13:18.440
and tell her to not do that.

944
01:13:18.440 --> 01:13:20.640
And to point out to her that that verse

945
01:13:20.640 --> 01:13:21.800
is not what that meant.

946
01:13:22.800 --> 01:13:27.120
And, you know, I'm really sorry that she responded

947
01:13:27.120 --> 01:13:29.400
the way that she did and didn't hear you

948
01:13:30.400 --> 01:13:32.560
and didn't recognize that, you know,

949
01:13:32.560 --> 01:13:35.680
she was a little off on what the content

950
01:13:35.680 --> 01:13:37.560
and context of that scripture is.

951
01:13:38.840 --> 01:13:43.840
And so I think that's something to be celebrated as well.

952
01:13:44.640 --> 01:13:47.880
So thank you for sharing that.

953
01:13:48.960 --> 01:13:50.040
Thank you.

954
01:13:50.040 --> 01:13:51.280
Absolutely.

955
01:13:51.280 --> 01:13:52.320
Hey, Patty.

956
01:13:54.320 --> 01:13:55.440
How are you?

957
01:13:59.560 --> 01:14:00.400
Hi, Carla.

958
01:14:00.400 --> 01:14:01.240
I'm good.

959
01:14:01.240 --> 01:14:02.240
How are you?

960
01:14:02.240 --> 01:14:03.440
Good.

961
01:14:03.440 --> 01:14:08.440
So a praise is that I think after about almost a year

962
01:14:08.920 --> 01:14:11.080
of visiting churches in my area,

963
01:14:11.080 --> 01:14:14.880
I have found a church that I feel comfortable laying at.

964
01:14:14.880 --> 01:14:15.720
Yay!

965
01:14:16.440 --> 01:14:19.680
And, you know, along with preaching the Bible correctly,

966
01:14:19.680 --> 01:14:22.400
teaching the gospel, the people being kind,

967
01:14:22.400 --> 01:14:24.440
having outreach and all of that,

968
01:14:24.440 --> 01:14:27.400
they also have a fairly racially

969
01:14:27.400 --> 01:14:30.400
and ethnically diverse congregation

970
01:14:30.400 --> 01:14:35.080
and even some people in my, possibly in my age range.

971
01:14:35.080 --> 01:14:36.640
So here's the thing.

972
01:14:36.640 --> 01:14:39.800
And I'm afraid I'm gonna be like an example

973
01:14:39.800 --> 01:14:41.960
for one of your points here.

974
01:14:41.960 --> 01:14:43.280
What was it?

975
01:14:43.720 --> 01:14:48.240
Planning out what I'll say in conversations

976
01:14:48.240 --> 01:14:49.920
that haven't happened yet.

977
01:14:49.920 --> 01:14:52.560
Okay, because we have to,

978
01:14:52.560 --> 01:14:54.160
I have to say first that this person

979
01:14:54.160 --> 01:14:56.360
may just be being friendly.

980
01:14:56.360 --> 01:14:58.480
You know, he's somewhat of a leader,

981
01:14:58.480 --> 01:15:00.240
so it's possible he's just coming.

982
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.680
up to say hi, don't know why he's saying hi to me,

983
01:15:02.680 --> 01:15:04.480
but whatever, that's fine.

984
01:15:04.480 --> 01:15:06.760
But it's happened twice where he came up

985
01:15:06.760 --> 01:15:07.880
and introduced himself.

986
01:15:07.880 --> 01:15:10.280
He said, hi, my name is whatever, you know,

987
01:15:10.280 --> 01:15:11.960
we'll call him John.

988
01:15:11.960 --> 01:15:13.880
And then the next time I was there,

989
01:15:13.880 --> 01:15:16.480
he came up and he said, hey, how you doing?

990
01:15:16.480 --> 01:15:18.640
And, you know, patted me on the arm and everything.

991
01:15:18.640 --> 01:15:22.640
But it could just be that he's doing that because I'm new,

992
01:15:22.640 --> 01:15:25.480
right, because I've been there maybe three or four times.

993
01:15:25.480 --> 01:15:30.480
I guess my, it reminds me of when I went to church

994
01:15:31.640 --> 01:15:33.880
in New York and there was a similar situation

995
01:15:33.880 --> 01:15:37.320
and people did eventually, a couple of guys did ask me

996
01:15:37.320 --> 01:15:40.680
to go to coffee or things after church.

997
01:15:40.680 --> 01:15:44.440
And so, and I have talked with Ebony about this

998
01:15:44.440 --> 01:15:49.440
and she reminded me not to be like bypassing somebody

999
01:15:50.680 --> 01:15:54.640
if, yeah, they might not ask, but if someone ever asked

1000
01:15:54.680 --> 01:15:58.600
not to be like, well, maybe there's somebody else

1001
01:15:58.600 --> 01:16:00.880
who's a better match for me down the road.

1002
01:16:00.880 --> 01:16:04.680
So, because you know that when you're in a congregation,

1003
01:16:04.680 --> 01:16:06.680
a church is like a closed environment

1004
01:16:06.680 --> 01:16:09.120
in the sense that people can see what you're doing.

1005
01:16:09.120 --> 01:16:10.760
It's not like if you're online dating

1006
01:16:10.760 --> 01:16:13.440
where nobody has to know, you know,

1007
01:16:13.440 --> 01:16:16.680
John doesn't know about Eric because, you know,

1008
01:16:16.680 --> 01:16:17.520
you met them-

1009
01:16:17.520 --> 01:16:18.880
Yeah, like you're in an environment

1010
01:16:18.880 --> 01:16:21.880
and people see the interaction, absolutely.

1011
01:16:21.880 --> 01:16:22.720
Yeah.

1012
01:16:23.120 --> 01:16:26.560
So, I was thinking, now I realize

1013
01:16:26.560 --> 01:16:28.480
it's probably not the way to go,

1014
01:16:28.480 --> 01:16:32.320
but my thought was like, I was, if he did say something

1015
01:16:32.320 --> 01:16:35.160
and asked me out, if I would maybe say something like,

1016
01:16:35.160 --> 01:16:38.320
oh, well, maybe we could chat for a couple of weeks

1017
01:16:38.320 --> 01:16:40.920
in the coffee hour first and get to know,

1018
01:16:40.920 --> 01:16:44.720
because I don't know, like, you know,

1019
01:16:44.720 --> 01:16:47.240
cause I've seen settings where people,

1020
01:16:47.240 --> 01:16:49.280
the other guy is like, oh, I'm not going out with her

1021
01:16:49.280 --> 01:16:50.120
cause she went out with him.

1022
01:16:50.120 --> 01:16:51.280
You know what I'm saying?

1023
01:16:51.280 --> 01:16:53.760
So, I just, I don't know.

1024
01:16:53.760 --> 01:16:56.400
Otherwise, I'm just basically going out

1025
01:16:56.400 --> 01:16:58.680
with whoever asked me as long as they seem

1026
01:16:58.680 --> 01:17:01.440
like a safe person, which I guess is what you're,

1027
01:17:01.440 --> 01:17:04.480
I don't know if that, is that what you're teaching or?

1028
01:17:04.480 --> 01:17:05.320
I don't know.

1029
01:17:06.760 --> 01:17:09.960
So, I mean, like, this is,

1030
01:17:11.880 --> 01:17:13.600
I think what some of this is,

1031
01:17:13.600 --> 01:17:18.600
like, I'm sensing some of the anxiety

1032
01:17:19.000 --> 01:17:24.000
of this, if I go out with a person and it's not my person,

1033
01:17:26.920 --> 01:17:31.400
am I shutting off, am I closing a door

1034
01:17:31.400 --> 01:17:34.480
to the person that actually might be my person?

1035
01:17:34.480 --> 01:17:37.440
Does that sound, is that, does that resonate?

1036
01:17:37.440 --> 01:17:38.280
That's it.

1037
01:17:38.280 --> 01:17:39.640
Is that the fear?

1038
01:17:39.640 --> 01:17:40.560
That's it.

1039
01:17:40.560 --> 01:17:43.480
So, that's that scarcity, poverty mindset.

1040
01:17:43.480 --> 01:17:48.480
Like, I'm going to, I'm going to create

1041
01:17:49.040 --> 01:17:51.400
something that's going to literally shut it off.

1042
01:17:51.400 --> 01:17:54.640
Like, I'm in charge, I'm in control of this.

1043
01:17:54.640 --> 01:17:59.320
And if I do something wrong, then I've ruined my chances.

1044
01:18:01.920 --> 01:18:02.760
So, it's-

1045
01:18:02.760 --> 01:18:04.160
I mean, I know that God is in control.

1046
01:18:04.160 --> 01:18:05.200
I do know that.

1047
01:18:05.200 --> 01:18:08.960
We, yeah, it's, and it's, it's, we know it here.

1048
01:18:08.960 --> 01:18:10.600
Do you feel it here?

1049
01:18:10.600 --> 01:18:11.520
Yeah.

1050
01:18:11.520 --> 01:18:15.640
It's that, that 17 inch journey

1051
01:18:15.680 --> 01:18:19.200
that Jackie mentions in her book, in the heartland.

1052
01:18:20.680 --> 01:18:25.680
And, and this is, and I, I relate to this

1053
01:18:26.560 --> 01:18:29.760
because I often can struggle with this is,

1054
01:18:29.760 --> 01:18:33.680
and the battle that I have is I will, I will know it here,

1055
01:18:33.680 --> 01:18:35.640
but I won't feel it here.

1056
01:18:35.640 --> 01:18:37.760
And then I battle myself.

1057
01:18:37.760 --> 01:18:39.040
Yeah.

1058
01:18:39.040 --> 01:18:40.080
And I'm like, but why?

1059
01:18:40.080 --> 01:18:41.880
I know intellectually,

1060
01:18:41.880 --> 01:18:43.920
I know that that's not what's happening.

1061
01:18:43.920 --> 01:18:45.760
I know my God is for me.

1062
01:18:46.640 --> 01:18:50.960
Why do I, why is this one area that I can't release?

1063
01:18:52.040 --> 01:18:52.880
What is the-

1064
01:18:52.880 --> 01:18:54.520
I mean, oh, I'm sorry.

1065
01:18:54.520 --> 01:18:55.360
No, go ahead.

1066
01:18:55.360 --> 01:18:56.200
Go ahead.

1067
01:18:56.200 --> 01:18:57.360
I just looked it up on my email.

1068
01:18:57.360 --> 01:19:00.120
It was, in July, it'll be 12 years

1069
01:19:00.120 --> 01:19:01.920
since I've been on a date.

1070
01:19:01.920 --> 01:19:04.360
That's why I have a scarcity mindset.

1071
01:19:04.360 --> 01:19:06.760
You know, it's a long time.

1072
01:19:06.760 --> 01:19:09.280
And, you know, and that's one thing,

1073
01:19:09.280 --> 01:19:10.280
you know what Jackie did?

1074
01:19:10.280 --> 01:19:12.400
Okay, when I, I think I told you this,

1075
01:19:12.400 --> 01:19:13.440
you might've been on when I've,

1076
01:19:13.440 --> 01:19:14.480
I've shared this story before.

1077
01:19:14.480 --> 01:19:16.640
Like I joined this community in 2020

1078
01:19:18.240 --> 01:19:22.920
and it wasn't until we went into 2022,

1079
01:19:22.920 --> 01:19:26.960
Jackie finally was like, Carla, you, you just go on a date.

1080
01:19:26.960 --> 01:19:31.000
She's like, it doesn't have to be a love connection.

1081
01:19:31.000 --> 01:19:33.160
She's like, go out with someone that you don't like.

1082
01:19:33.160 --> 01:19:34.400
She's like, I don't even care if it's someone

1083
01:19:34.400 --> 01:19:35.920
that you're interested in.

1084
01:19:35.920 --> 01:19:36.760
Just go out.

1085
01:19:37.960 --> 01:19:40.920
She's like, let someone take you out.

1086
01:19:42.560 --> 01:19:44.800
Because here's the thing, and that's,

1087
01:19:44.800 --> 01:19:48.960
you are a very personable person.

1088
01:19:50.880 --> 01:19:52.320
Like you're going to go out

1089
01:19:52.320 --> 01:19:54.200
and you're going to enjoy your time regardless

1090
01:19:54.200 --> 01:19:57.280
because that's just, that's the,

1091
01:19:57.280 --> 01:19:59.200
that's the energy that you carry.

1092
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.000
I'm sorry I'm fumbling, I have to plug in the thing.

1093
01:20:05.000 --> 01:20:06.660
But you are an enjoyable person to be around,

1094
01:20:06.660 --> 01:20:10.020
like you have such a great personality.

1095
01:20:10.020 --> 01:20:13.100
And so sometimes it's breaking a seal.

1096
01:20:15.340 --> 01:20:19.780
And so it's, what Jackie had to do for me

1097
01:20:19.780 --> 01:20:22.420
is she's like, Carla, you gotta get out of your head

1098
01:20:23.660 --> 01:20:28.660
and just go, go on the dates with the guys that are not it.

1099
01:20:30.000 --> 01:20:32.000
And just, you know.

1100
01:20:32.000 --> 01:20:34.600
I don't know what he said, I don't know,

1101
01:20:34.600 --> 01:20:37.760
but anyway, yeah, I see what you're saying, yeah.

1102
01:20:37.760 --> 01:20:41.800
So I want, that's what my encouragement is

1103
01:20:41.800 --> 01:20:44.120
with this guy, John, just be like,

1104
01:20:44.120 --> 01:20:45.280
hey, I am new to this.

1105
01:20:45.280 --> 01:20:46.740
Like if he comes up to you next,

1106
01:20:46.740 --> 01:20:48.240
don't even wait for him to ask you.

1107
01:20:48.240 --> 01:20:51.680
Say, hey, I'm new to this area and I'm new to this church.

1108
01:20:53.060 --> 01:20:57.740
Would you mind meeting up with me

1109
01:20:57.740 --> 01:21:00.500
to grab some coffee sometime

1110
01:21:00.500 --> 01:21:02.540
so we can talk about this church?

1111
01:21:02.540 --> 01:21:06.060
And maybe you can invite some people from the church.

1112
01:21:07.060 --> 01:21:09.020
Invite him to invite some more people.

1113
01:21:10.180 --> 01:21:12.220
And make it more of a,

1114
01:21:12.220 --> 01:21:14.660
I'm gonna get to know a couple different people.

1115
01:21:16.700 --> 01:21:18.460
Does that, how does that sound?

1116
01:21:19.620 --> 01:21:21.060
Does that scare you?

1117
01:21:21.060 --> 01:21:23.340
Yeah, I, not really.

1118
01:21:23.340 --> 01:21:24.380
Yeah.

1119
01:21:24.380 --> 01:21:25.860
Yeah, I mean, I,

1120
01:21:26.860 --> 01:21:29.340
I think I just really,

1121
01:21:30.780 --> 01:21:33.740
maybe this is me inserting, but I've had so many,

1122
01:21:33.740 --> 01:21:35.220
you know, and I'm not trying to go back,

1123
01:21:35.220 --> 01:21:38.460
but I've had so many like flirtations and pull back

1124
01:21:38.460 --> 01:21:41.580
that I just really want to have somebody be like,

1125
01:21:41.580 --> 01:21:43.020
I want to take you out.

1126
01:21:43.020 --> 01:21:45.580
I don't want to have to be rocking, you know.

1127
01:21:47.140 --> 01:21:49.380
You don't want to have to, like, yeah, I get that.

1128
01:21:49.380 --> 01:21:53.220
But let's prepare you for that.

1129
01:21:53.220 --> 01:21:54.060
Okay.

1130
01:21:54.100 --> 01:21:55.820
Guess what?

1131
01:21:55.820 --> 01:21:57.980
Your husband is gonna see you

1132
01:21:57.980 --> 01:22:00.020
and is going to be the one to say,

1133
01:22:00.020 --> 01:22:02.740
hey, I want to take you out.

1134
01:22:04.060 --> 01:22:06.260
He will, you will get that.

1135
01:22:07.260 --> 01:22:09.060
It's that preparation process.

1136
01:22:09.060 --> 01:22:12.340
It's that, it's every promise as a process.

1137
01:22:13.260 --> 01:22:15.020
It's getting to that space.

1138
01:22:15.020 --> 01:22:19.260
And sometimes it's stretching us in our discomfort

1139
01:22:20.260 --> 01:22:25.260
because there's jewels and gems that are hidden

1140
01:22:25.940 --> 01:22:30.940
that need to get exposed and seen.

1141
01:22:31.100 --> 01:22:33.460
And those things need to get,

1142
01:22:33.460 --> 01:22:37.620
like to be out in the open and exposed.

1143
01:22:40.140 --> 01:22:41.540
And so it is, it's gonna,

1144
01:22:41.540 --> 01:22:43.540
it's gonna be that coming out of hiding.

1145
01:22:43.540 --> 01:22:46.140
It's gonna be that discomfort of things,

1146
01:22:46.140 --> 01:22:50.620
but it's, it will allow that exposure of being seen

1147
01:22:50.620 --> 01:22:53.660
and saying, oh man, she's such a treasure.

1148
01:22:55.700 --> 01:22:56.860
She's such a treasure

1149
01:22:56.860 --> 01:23:00.060
because she sees the treasure that she is.

1150
01:23:04.340 --> 01:23:06.740
And so I, I do, I,

1151
01:23:08.540 --> 01:23:13.540
I hear the discomfort of,

1152
01:23:17.140 --> 01:23:21.980
you know, not wanting to be the one to initiate something

1153
01:23:21.980 --> 01:23:26.700
and really just truly wanting someone to want,

1154
01:23:28.060 --> 01:23:29.340
to want to spend time with me

1155
01:23:29.340 --> 01:23:31.380
without me having to initiate.

1156
01:23:33.020 --> 01:23:34.060
I get that.

1157
01:23:35.220 --> 01:23:38.340
Like, it's like people will say, you know,

1158
01:23:38.340 --> 01:23:41.660
well, hey, can I help you?

1159
01:23:41.660 --> 01:23:42.500
What do you want me to do?

1160
01:23:42.500 --> 01:23:43.620
And then you're just like,

1161
01:23:43.660 --> 01:23:45.860
I don't need to tell you,

1162
01:23:45.860 --> 01:23:49.540
I would just like you to do what you're led,

1163
01:23:49.540 --> 01:23:51.220
like what you feel led to do,

1164
01:23:51.220 --> 01:23:53.460
because it's coming from,

1165
01:23:53.460 --> 01:23:55.100
because you want it to come from

1166
01:23:55.100 --> 01:23:57.620
what they really truly want to do,

1167
01:23:57.620 --> 01:23:59.620
not because it's suggested.

1168
01:24:00.620 --> 01:24:01.780
Oh, exactly.

1169
01:24:01.780 --> 01:24:03.140
I get that.

1170
01:24:03.140 --> 01:24:05.300
I mean, I have friends who have been on a date

1171
01:24:05.300 --> 01:24:08.580
with another man and her now husband asked her out

1172
01:24:08.580 --> 01:24:09.580
while she was on that date.

1173
01:24:09.580 --> 01:24:11.420
So, I mean, they can do it.

1174
01:24:11.420 --> 01:24:12.540
There you go.

1175
01:24:12.540 --> 01:24:14.340
So you're like, you know,

1176
01:24:14.340 --> 01:24:15.180
and that's what I'm saying.

1177
01:24:15.180 --> 01:24:16.540
And that's what you keep telling yourself.

1178
01:24:16.540 --> 01:24:20.340
It's like, look, this isn't about, you know,

1179
01:24:20.340 --> 01:24:22.420
me closing a door just because I go out

1180
01:24:22.420 --> 01:24:24.500
to coffee with someone.

1181
01:24:24.500 --> 01:24:25.860
This is, you know what?

1182
01:24:25.860 --> 01:24:28.900
I'm opening doors

1183
01:24:28.900 --> 01:24:32.060
because I'm opening up the opportunity

1184
01:24:32.060 --> 01:24:33.780
to get to know more people.

1185
01:24:35.700 --> 01:24:38.140
And I'm opening the door

1186
01:24:39.140 --> 01:24:42.940
to letting go of this insecurity.

1187
01:24:43.980 --> 01:24:47.740
And I get to start showing up

1188
01:24:47.740 --> 01:24:50.860
and knowing what treasure I am.

1189
01:24:50.860 --> 01:24:53.060
And that's what you're opening the door to.

1190
01:24:55.100 --> 01:24:57.500
You are stepping into that.

1191
01:24:57.500 --> 01:25:00.060
It's like, what it reminds me.

1192
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:11.940
is, you know, Jackie, and Jackie's shared this before, and I think it's been on a

1193
01:25:11.940 --> 01:25:24.700
Supernatural Saturday not too long ago, this, we want to, we might

1194
01:25:24.700 --> 01:25:28.740
want certain things and pray for certain things, but do we actually really believe

1195
01:25:28.740 --> 01:25:34.860
it with all our heart? Mm-hmm, yeah. You know which Supernatural Saturday I'm

1196
01:25:34.860 --> 01:25:42.940
talking about? I remember her saying something along those lines. Yeah, trust me, and the

1197
01:25:42.940 --> 01:25:46.740
two, like, the two years I was with her, she, like, that message is not a new

1198
01:25:46.740 --> 01:25:52.020
message, let me tell you, like, that is one that I remember hearing, and I'm like,

1199
01:25:52.020 --> 01:25:59.260
and sometimes it would sting, because I'm like, but I am, like, I am doing those

1200
01:25:59.260 --> 01:26:03.420
things, I do feel like, I felt like I was showing up in all the ways that I knew

1201
01:26:03.420 --> 01:26:12.940
how, and all the ways that I felt like I was capable, and, and there were other

1202
01:26:12.940 --> 01:26:17.340
pieces of things that I needed to step into in order to kind of open those

1203
01:26:17.340 --> 01:26:21.020
doors, and that's what I'm saying, like, it's trusting that process and trusting

1204
01:26:21.020 --> 01:26:26.780
the Lord that, you know, when, when a coach or Jackie or someone was, like,

1205
01:26:26.780 --> 01:26:31.420
encouraging me to do something and it didn't, it didn't seem like something I

1206
01:26:31.420 --> 01:26:36.580
could do or wanted to do, it was just, okay, I'm gonna be open to it, and it, and

1207
01:26:36.580 --> 01:26:40.860
sometimes it wouldn't make any sense, and sometimes I'd do it and be like, well,

1208
01:26:40.860 --> 01:26:45.660
nothing happened, and then sometimes I would do it and be like, oh, why didn't I

1209
01:26:45.660 --> 01:26:53.500
do this sooner, and even in those times where I was like, nothing happened, once

1210
01:26:53.500 --> 01:26:59.900
time passed, then the answer would come, like, oh, that's why I was having to do

1211
01:26:59.900 --> 01:27:07.660
that, it wasn't wasted, it was just being open to being uncomfortable and doing the

1212
01:27:07.660 --> 01:27:15.940
things and doing, doing things scared, showing up and saying, you know what, this

1213
01:27:15.940 --> 01:27:22.660
is scary, and I'm gonna do something that seems scary, and at the end of the day,

1214
01:27:22.660 --> 01:27:29.860
even when I show up and it's scary, God's gonna be able to show me, I had you the

1215
01:27:29.860 --> 01:27:41.460
whole time, and, and he'll make good of that, so just pray on that, spend, spend

1216
01:27:41.460 --> 01:27:48.820
time with some of those areas that you feel like you're really struggling with,

1217
01:27:48.820 --> 01:27:53.300
you know, ask the Lord, be like, Lord, is there anything that you've been asking me

1218
01:27:53.300 --> 01:28:03.020
to do that I have been resisting, highlight to me what you've been asking me to do that

1219
01:28:03.020 --> 01:28:14.660
I've been resisting, not out of disobedience, but just out of fear, because I sometimes

1220
01:28:14.660 --> 01:28:25.140
think that we, we think that, you know, if we openly admit that, you know, God told me

1221
01:28:25.140 --> 01:28:30.140
to do this and I'm not doing it, that if we admit that we're not doing it, then we're

1222
01:28:30.140 --> 01:28:34.860
just being disobedient, and there's like this negative, like, oh, we're being disobedient

1223
01:28:34.860 --> 01:28:43.620
to the Lord, and then there's like this shame and, and condemnation, and I, like, my spirit

1224
01:28:43.620 --> 01:28:49.100
right now is telling me that that's not what that is, that's not what, that's not coming

1225
01:28:49.100 --> 01:28:57.180
from him, it's more or less, it's a fear, and that's, it's not us resisting being obedient

1226
01:28:57.180 --> 01:29:05.780
to him, it is literally the enemy coming in and trying to hold us hostage from being able

1227
01:29:05.780 --> 01:29:22.060
to step into obedience with him. There is such a fear, a doubt, a discouragement, and

1228
01:29:22.060 --> 01:29:28.900
so spend time praying, be like, Lord, I need to see this, and then ask the Lord, what's

1229
01:29:28.900 --> 01:29:36.020
the fear, and I need help releasing that fear. I see lots of people writing this down,

1230
01:29:36.020 --> 01:29:40.420
so I don't think that this was just for Patty, I think it's for a lot of you ladies, am I

1231
01:29:40.420 --> 01:29:46.500
right? Praise God, I don't, I don't really like saying it in group settings, but I know

1232
01:29:46.500 --> 01:29:51.100
it could help somebody else. And that, that's why, and that's another thing, yeah, ladies,

1233
01:29:51.100 --> 01:29:56.420
I want, I hope that gives you all encouragement, and maybe some of the ladies that, you know,

1234
01:29:56.420 --> 01:29:59.500
maybe a little more quiet on these calls, or in the app.

1235
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.540
Your struggles and your things that you know you don't want to share, it will

1236
01:30:06.540 --> 01:30:10.260
actually bring breakthrough for others as well and you'll be surprised

1237
01:30:10.260 --> 01:30:15.060
like it's not just for you, it's for everyone in the community, for a lot of

1238
01:30:15.060 --> 01:30:22.660
people in the community. It really is. It will accelerate a lot of healing and

1239
01:30:22.660 --> 01:30:25.860
growth in a lot of people.

1240
01:30:26.120 --> 01:30:32.100
And so just take encouragement in that when you get vulnerable and you share.

1241
01:30:32.100 --> 01:30:43.220
Okay, Patty, thank you so much. I love you. I love you too. Hey, Teresa. Hi, good news. I

1242
01:30:43.220 --> 01:30:47.420
finally got my Google phone number working as of yesterday. It took like a

1243
01:30:47.420 --> 01:30:54.340
week and a half, but here's the thing. So I had my friend try to FaceTime me

1244
01:30:54.340 --> 01:30:58.580
through that number and that won't work. It said something about the WhatsApp or

1245
01:30:58.580 --> 01:31:03.380
something like that and I'm not sure. Google numbers, I don't believe. You can

1246
01:31:03.380 --> 01:31:15.700
video. So do you, when I use Zoom, so when I wanted to, when I wanted a video call,

1247
01:31:15.700 --> 01:31:21.920
then I use Zoom because you can, you can do a 40-minute call for free. Right, okay.

1248
01:31:21.920 --> 01:31:26.800
That was one thing I was thinking of. And so I say start there because then it

1249
01:31:26.800 --> 01:31:32.440
helps. I mean, it was helpful for me because I'm a talker. Yeah. So it really

1250
01:31:32.440 --> 01:31:38.760
allowed me to like, I was forced to. Right. And then if you want to, you can

1251
01:31:38.760 --> 01:31:43.120
always say, okay, if we get disconnected, just call right back. Yes. And then if you

1252
01:31:43.120 --> 01:31:48.520
don't call back, you go, okay. Yes, exactly. And then you can call back and be like,

1253
01:31:48.560 --> 01:31:52.480
Hey, instead of a video call, why don't we meet in person? Because you've already

1254
01:31:52.480 --> 01:31:57.800
had that 40 minutes and that, that you've gotten that interaction and 40 minutes,

1255
01:31:57.800 --> 01:32:01.840
you should be able to decide, do I, do I don't want to see this person in person

1256
01:32:01.840 --> 01:32:06.720
in real life? Now, obviously if it's a long distance, then, you know, you can set

1257
01:32:06.720 --> 01:32:13.280
up another way. You can, again, you can do another Zoom call or, um, I've, I, I

1258
01:32:13.280 --> 01:32:19.600
did Facebook dating. And so I would use messenger to video call people. Um, and

1259
01:32:19.600 --> 01:32:22.960
you don't have to be friends with people on Facebook to video call them video to,

1260
01:32:23.200 --> 01:32:26.840
you know, be on messenger. Like you can message anybody on Facebook and not be

1261
01:32:26.840 --> 01:32:31.960
their friend. Okay. Um, I did that a lot because again, I wasn't friends. I wasn't

1262
01:32:32.000 --> 01:32:36.720
friending people that I didn't know because I had pictures of my son. And so

1263
01:32:36.720 --> 01:32:42.760
I'm like, I'm not going to let some guy who I'm just getting to know be my life.

1264
01:32:42.880 --> 01:32:48.920
And so I could look his name up in messenger and still get connected and

1265
01:32:48.920 --> 01:32:54.400
video him there. Okay. And he would see like my profile was on lockdown. So he

1266
01:32:54.400 --> 01:32:57.560
would, he obviously you could see my profile picture and a couple of things

1267
01:32:57.560 --> 01:33:02.560
that I would allow the public to see, but that's all he could. So as long as

1268
01:33:02.560 --> 01:33:06.520
you've set privacy settings in your social media, you can use that as well.

1269
01:33:07.280 --> 01:33:10.960
Okay. I can check that into that too then. And I'm going to try to keep them

1270
01:33:10.960 --> 01:33:16.720
within pretty much two hours to begin with. Yeah. And then I can always go out

1271
01:33:16.720 --> 01:33:21.280
from there. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Pace it. However, what

1272
01:33:21.280 --> 01:33:27.480
works for you? I, I think that's great. Absolutely. All right. Thank you. You're

1273
01:33:27.480 --> 01:33:30.760
welcome. Hey, Susanna, how are you?

1274
01:33:33.520 --> 01:33:37.520
That's probably great, but we'll get you there. We're praying for you. It's

1275
01:33:37.520 --> 01:33:45.080
getting better. All right. I do my best in English. So first of all, I, I'm so

1276
01:33:45.080 --> 01:33:52.280
glad to be part of this program and I really like, I love your, your way of

1277
01:33:52.280 --> 01:33:57.840
coaching. Like I'm on the way to become a coach myself. So I know what kind of

1278
01:33:58.560 --> 01:34:04.680
wow, intense process this is. And I feel you have like you and Ebony, you have

1279
01:34:04.800 --> 01:34:12.240
such a tender wisdom of doing this. It's just like, cool. So thank you for that.

1280
01:34:12.600 --> 01:34:16.720
I love Ebony too. I always joke with her. I'm like, we're a dynamic duo. She and I,

1281
01:34:18.480 --> 01:34:22.920
she lives in Austin. I'm in the Dallas area. And I like, we try to like see each

1282
01:34:22.920 --> 01:34:26.560
other every, every now and then when we can, but yeah, she's, she's a blessing

1283
01:34:26.560 --> 01:34:32.880
too. And she's, yeah, but you too. I love her. Yeah, but you too. You're doing so

1284
01:34:32.880 --> 01:34:38.680
great. So actually I think I got a confirmation through what you were

1285
01:34:38.680 --> 01:34:46.720
teaching today in, because I'm, I'm, I was actually struggling with the, the

1286
01:34:46.720 --> 01:34:54.360
idea of, okay, there is online, any guy that just texts me and I should be open

1287
01:34:54.360 --> 01:34:59.600
to anybody who is just interested in me. And I felt

1288
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.400
Sometimes if like a communication

1289
01:35:04.440 --> 01:35:08.880
Via texting is not flowing or I I feel there's no

1290
01:35:09.720 --> 01:35:17.680
hmm interest like from my side, I still should be open and that was so kind of a weird feeling and

1291
01:35:19.480 --> 01:35:21.480
Also regarding

1292
01:35:21.680 --> 01:35:23.440
Let's say

1293
01:35:23.440 --> 01:35:24.960
interests or

1294
01:35:24.960 --> 01:35:26.640
intelligence

1295
01:35:26.640 --> 01:35:29.160
education whatever like this whole part of

1296
01:35:30.400 --> 01:35:35.120
I really want to have like a partner who is

1297
01:35:36.600 --> 01:35:38.600
Matching in this area, you know and

1298
01:35:40.040 --> 01:35:46.520
Through what you said, I feel okay. This is a confirmation like I'm I'm I'm doing that fine

1299
01:35:46.520 --> 01:35:50.000
I'm I'm like my I don't know the word in English like

1300
01:35:51.680 --> 01:35:53.280
My filter

1301
01:35:53.280 --> 01:35:59.400
it's correct in this area like not just shutting down right away, but in a sense of

1302
01:36:00.000 --> 01:36:01.720
Yeah, sure

1303
01:36:01.720 --> 01:36:06.640
it should match, you know, and there should be that alignment and it's

1304
01:36:08.640 --> 01:36:11.040
There's an openness and there's an ease with it

1305
01:36:12.520 --> 01:36:16.680
Attraction grows and if it's not there and there's no alignment like if

1306
01:36:17.440 --> 01:36:24.480
intelligent and education is something that you value and you know, you really enjoy having you know,

1307
01:36:25.880 --> 01:36:27.880
intelligent academic

1308
01:36:28.120 --> 01:36:35.560
Conversation with someone and that is something that you know inspires you and sparks, you know, exactly you

1309
01:36:36.880 --> 01:36:41.000
Something that you can share with someone that you're you're wanting to potentially

1310
01:36:41.600 --> 01:36:47.360
Grow a relationship with and that's not there. It doesn't mean that you're not open to the idea

1311
01:36:47.360 --> 01:36:52.440
It's just showing you that this person's just not an alignment and it doesn't mean that it's negative

1312
01:36:52.440 --> 01:36:57.480
It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with them. It just is hey, this isn't this isn't an alignment

1313
01:36:57.920 --> 01:37:03.680
Yeah, they're still a good person. I'm a good person. We're just not for each other. Yeah, that's okay

1314
01:37:03.880 --> 01:37:07.760
like yeah, I think oftentimes we believe that if

1315
01:37:09.280 --> 01:37:10.720
We don't

1316
01:37:10.720 --> 01:37:18.300
Like someone in that way or if someone doesn't like us in that way we immediately go into this rejection

1317
01:37:18.800 --> 01:37:23.200
Mmm, and we think it's negative. Yeah, and so

1318
01:37:24.200 --> 01:37:30.000
One thing I remember when I was walking through this community with Jackie and and many of the other women

1319
01:37:30.840 --> 01:37:32.840
We often say that

1320
01:37:33.080 --> 01:37:34.880
rejection was God's

1321
01:37:34.880 --> 01:37:36.880
divine protection

1322
01:37:37.360 --> 01:37:39.360
and

1323
01:37:40.160 --> 01:37:45.880
It was okay like and and looking at it through a perspective of

1324
01:37:47.960 --> 01:37:49.960
If I'm being

1325
01:37:50.400 --> 01:37:55.160
Rejected I'm being protected by God because someone is saying hey

1326
01:37:55.960 --> 01:38:01.040
You're not in alignment with me. I don't see myself connecting with you in that way

1327
01:38:01.520 --> 01:38:04.400
That's protecting me in a way

1328
01:38:05.600 --> 01:38:08.720
from not like because now if I

1329
01:38:09.800 --> 01:38:17.160
Attached that person or not. That person's kind of stringing me along and not telling me that they're not interested. I

1330
01:38:17.840 --> 01:38:21.080
May not have the opportunity to get to know somebody and

1331
01:38:22.120 --> 01:38:23.760
so by

1332
01:38:23.760 --> 01:38:31.280
Someone releasing me or me releasing. Mm-hmm. It opens us up and then up

1333
01:38:32.280 --> 01:38:34.280
to the possibility of

1334
01:38:34.440 --> 01:38:38.200
Connecting with someone who actually is in alignment with mm-hmm

1335
01:38:38.560 --> 01:38:41.200
Who therefore does that make sense ladies?

1336
01:38:41.360 --> 01:38:48.000
So like it's it's not looking at rejection as a negative way or like oh, I don't want to hurt this person

1337
01:38:48.000 --> 01:38:50.000
You're actually hurting them

1338
01:38:50.280 --> 01:38:51.880
by not

1339
01:38:51.880 --> 01:38:57.360
Letting them know. Hey, I'm just I don't see this going in the romantic like I think you're a wonderful person

1340
01:38:58.120 --> 01:39:00.120
You are just not my person

1341
01:39:02.200 --> 01:39:08.880
We hurt them by not doing that and they hurt us by not doing that or we think that if they just kind of

1342
01:39:09.400 --> 01:39:15.260
Don't say anything to it us at all. Then there's something wrong with us. No, it just means they weren't in alignment with us

1343
01:39:15.880 --> 01:39:19.520
That just mean that there's anything wrong with us or anything wrong with them. It just

1344
01:39:20.120 --> 01:39:22.000
We're not in alignment

1345
01:39:22.000 --> 01:39:29.480
It's not who who God's created for us made for us all that stuff. Okay, you're not season, right?

1346
01:39:29.760 --> 01:39:31.400
Does that make sense?

1347
01:39:31.400 --> 01:39:36.200
Totally. It's more than I love that. I love that you've got that. So yeah, I don't ladies

1348
01:39:36.320 --> 01:39:41.080
I'm I'm thankful that you brought that up because ladies. I don't want you to think that

1349
01:39:43.000 --> 01:39:48.460
You have to continue to stay open to someone because it's not this dramatic

1350
01:39:48.880 --> 01:39:53.480
No, the no doesn't have to be dramatic. It no can be a no

1351
01:39:54.280 --> 01:39:56.280
Yeah

1352
01:39:56.520 --> 01:40:00.120
Have you it's the question of have you given yourself enough time?

1353
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:09.600
time to ask yourself could what about like I'm not making a quick decision I'm

1354
01:40:09.600 --> 01:40:14.480
not basing this off my emotions this is I'm not seeing alignment here I'm not

1355
01:40:14.480 --> 01:40:19.600
seeing a connection I'm not seeing consistency I'm not seeing a pattern I'm

1356
01:40:19.600 --> 01:40:25.680
not seeing like there's just no attraction that's building over time

1357
01:40:25.680 --> 01:40:29.640
okay I'm not just talking about physical attraction ladies I'm talking about

1358
01:40:30.280 --> 01:40:35.560
emotional intellectual attraction as well I mean that sounds what is that

1359
01:40:35.560 --> 01:40:39.920
what you're kind of narrowing down it's like you want an intellectual attraction

1360
01:40:39.920 --> 01:40:44.480
to somebody that's important to you I think that's important like when you're

1361
01:40:44.480 --> 01:40:50.040
sitting and growing old with somebody you like that person's gonna be your

1362
01:40:50.040 --> 01:40:54.480
best friend you want to be able to carry a intelligent conversation with them I

1363
01:40:54.480 --> 01:40:59.080
mean for me it's even having being able to have spiritual conversations with

1364
01:40:59.080 --> 01:41:07.480
like obviously I wasn't going to figure that out early on in a relationship

1365
01:41:07.480 --> 01:41:10.960
because I'm not having these deep spiritual conversations with someone but

1366
01:41:10.960 --> 01:41:19.080
could I have enough conversation and was there a connection in that and a draw

1367
01:41:19.080 --> 01:41:25.240
and an attraction there where I enjoyed the conversation and was engaged in it

1368
01:41:25.240 --> 01:41:30.000
and I felt like they were reciprocating that's what I was looking for and when I

1369
01:41:30.000 --> 01:41:38.360
observed that and as that builds and then just how my faith was naturally

1370
01:41:38.360 --> 01:41:43.520
centered in my life would just come up in real life and then it came up in my

1371
01:41:43.520 --> 01:41:46.960
husband's real life because it was important and centered in his life as

1372
01:41:46.960 --> 01:41:53.600
well and so we did get to express that with each other and so we got to grow

1373
01:41:53.640 --> 01:42:01.400
into that over time as well does that help ladies awesome well I'm glad you

1374
01:42:01.400 --> 01:42:09.640
got that confirmation yes and just just a short question about phase three I

1375
01:42:09.640 --> 01:42:15.200
don't really get the difference to phase two so actually I just love that

1376
01:42:15.200 --> 01:42:22.640
community and like no knowing some people and yes getting getting update on

1377
01:42:22.640 --> 01:42:30.120
their story and stuff so actually I don't want to change you will see ladies

1378
01:42:30.120 --> 01:42:34.760
will shift over it is a it is a it will be a bigger community and and then there

1379
01:42:34.760 --> 01:42:40.920
will be more teachings there will be more opportunities to kind of do some

1380
01:42:40.920 --> 01:42:46.680
more calls with Jackie where you can do we have these things called ash Jackie

1381
01:42:46.680 --> 01:42:54.080
she'll do coaching stuff as well like she did that single spotlight but I do

1382
01:42:54.080 --> 01:42:59.600
think she opened it to everybody in the community she does those for phase three

1383
01:42:59.600 --> 01:43:04.040
not just she doesn't usually do them for the whole community she will usually

1384
01:43:04.040 --> 01:43:07.920
just do that for the phase three people so those type of activities and then we

1385
01:43:07.920 --> 01:43:14.200
have like the co-ed ones as well where we have the men that are in our men's

1386
01:43:14.280 --> 01:43:21.920
the what do we call it the 1822 so men that are in there they will be in some

1387
01:43:21.920 --> 01:43:27.920
of those co-ed calls as well so there's other teaching and then we'll and then I

1388
01:43:27.920 --> 01:43:33.760
think even Bethany does to leave even advanced heartwork sessions as well you

1389
01:43:33.760 --> 01:43:40.040
want some deeper heartwork stuff that that's there as well okay and then again

1390
01:43:40.040 --> 01:43:44.480
like the ladies that are in here will gravitate over there so you'll you'll

1391
01:43:44.480 --> 01:43:49.640
stay connected and then you'll get more and then you'll see a lot of those ladies

1392
01:43:49.640 --> 01:43:53.280
in there too because I don't typically have a lot of ladies in here that will

1393
01:43:53.280 --> 01:43:56.760
be in it like serious exclusive marriage-minded relationships in phase

1394
01:43:56.760 --> 01:44:02.080
two because this is that you just get your feet wet and then we movie and then

1395
01:44:02.080 --> 01:44:10.280
so there is going to be a lot more insight to you know more exclusive

1396
01:44:10.280 --> 01:44:15.520
relationships so if you find yourself in a serious level two that's going towards

1397
01:44:15.520 --> 01:44:20.320
level three level three going towards engagement you're gonna get to see that

1398
01:44:20.320 --> 01:44:26.840
walk as well which will be helpful so having that insight is beneficial

1399
01:44:26.840 --> 01:44:30.080
because then you know what you're preparing for as well yeah great okay

1400
01:44:30.080 --> 01:44:35.400
so it's kind of why we break it out we do this phase two because we know it's

1401
01:44:35.400 --> 01:44:40.280
sometimes a challenge going from phase one and then saying hey don't date in

1402
01:44:40.280 --> 01:44:43.880
phase one and now hey date but you're gonna date differently we want to make

1403
01:44:43.880 --> 01:44:49.120
sure that you have the support that's needed so that you feel most comfortable

1404
01:44:49.120 --> 01:44:53.480
to date with your heartwork tools yeah yeah but then everybody over in phase

1405
01:44:53.480 --> 01:44:57.520
three they've all they've all got that stuff too and there's lots of coaches

1406
01:44:57.520 --> 01:45:01.440
over there that are incredible too so

1407
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:03.120
I hope that helps answer your question.

1408
01:45:03.120 --> 01:45:04.120
Thank you.

1409
01:45:04.120 --> 01:45:05.120
You're welcome.

1410
01:45:05.120 --> 01:45:06.120
Hey, Sarah.

1411
01:45:06.120 --> 01:45:07.120
How are you?

1412
01:45:07.120 --> 01:45:08.120
Hey, Carla.

1413
01:45:08.120 --> 01:45:09.120
Hey, everybody.

1414
01:45:09.120 --> 01:45:10.120
I'm a little bit better.

1415
01:45:10.120 --> 01:45:15.440
I don't know if you had an opportunity to read my prayer request.

1416
01:45:15.440 --> 01:45:21.080
I don't think I have, but I'm writing your name down right now, so I will go double check

1417
01:45:21.080 --> 01:45:22.080
that.

1418
01:45:22.080 --> 01:45:23.080
Okay.

1419
01:45:23.080 --> 01:45:24.080
Thank you.

1420
01:45:24.080 --> 01:45:30.320
It was really hard on Sunday, and it's just been like an ongoing thing.

1421
01:45:30.320 --> 01:45:36.960
I kind of started something with somebody not meaning to, but it's just been like two

1422
01:45:36.960 --> 01:45:43.440
years of ... It's just been really pretty horrible.

1423
01:45:43.440 --> 01:45:49.240
I started right before I started this last year's single, and I wish I would have waited

1424
01:45:49.240 --> 01:45:56.960
a little bit to be able to observe and all of those things and not build an attachment

1425
01:45:56.960 --> 01:45:58.720
or have him or ... I don't know.

1426
01:45:58.720 --> 01:46:01.640
It's just been really crazy.

1427
01:46:01.640 --> 01:46:09.680
Culminating in Sunday, him, I'm finding out from somebody else while in a small group

1428
01:46:09.680 --> 01:46:17.000
with him that he has a girlfriend now, and she's moving out here, and he drove out to

1429
01:46:17.000 --> 01:46:18.000
Arizona to see her.

1430
01:46:18.000 --> 01:46:19.000
I'm in California.

1431
01:46:19.760 --> 01:46:22.760
It was just like a gut punch.

1432
01:46:22.760 --> 01:46:32.040
I'm just like, oh, my gosh, and I couldn't even hear it from you, like, thanks, guy.

1433
01:46:32.040 --> 01:46:36.480
It's just been like ... Like I say, my nervous system, you're talking about the nervous system

1434
01:46:36.480 --> 01:46:37.480
being activated.

1435
01:46:37.480 --> 01:46:38.480
Oh, yeah.

1436
01:46:38.480 --> 01:46:40.480
That night, I literally could not sleep.

1437
01:46:40.480 --> 01:46:45.560
I literally was up most of the night, and it was just wretched.

1438
01:46:45.800 --> 01:46:52.560
Anyhoo, and I just feel like we had like fireworks for like two years or something, and at the

1439
01:46:52.560 --> 01:46:57.240
same time, it wasn't necessarily for me, but maybe more for him, and I mean, to the point

1440
01:46:57.240 --> 01:47:01.560
even where I was like asking the group, like I'm asking the leaders in phase one, like

1441
01:47:01.560 --> 01:47:10.200
I was asking Bethany, I'm like, he is just doing things that make me feel really uncomfortable

1442
01:47:10.200 --> 01:47:15.160
where he's like circling around me in the room, and like he stopped being himself.

1443
01:47:15.160 --> 01:47:19.320
It was to the point where I just felt like he was obsessed, you know, and it made me

1444
01:47:19.320 --> 01:47:24.720
feel very uncomfortable, and so finally, I feel like we got over that at some point,

1445
01:47:24.720 --> 01:47:29.440
like in the last, we'll say, few months or so, three months, and so now I'm trying to

1446
01:47:29.440 --> 01:47:33.800
have it be real again, but at one point, it was real in the beginning, and then I invited

1447
01:47:33.800 --> 01:47:40.000
somebody to church, and a guy that I've known a long time, and he wasn't there, and he found

1448
01:47:40.000 --> 01:47:46.720
out about it, and he just like started treating me differently, and it just went kind of downhill

1449
01:47:46.720 --> 01:47:52.880
from there for how he was treating me, like not healthy, not kind, not like, you know,

1450
01:47:52.880 --> 01:47:56.400
and then, so anyways, I could just go on and on, but I don't want to like take up too much

1451
01:47:56.400 --> 01:48:02.040
time, but so I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to navigate these.

1452
01:48:02.040 --> 01:48:05.640
I know you were talking about like fireworks versus chemistry, so I would definitely say

1453
01:48:05.640 --> 01:48:10.760
it was probably more fireworks, you know, it was taking time to get to know him, like,

1454
01:48:10.760 --> 01:48:17.600
you know, just trying to like us get to know each other, but there was so much dysfunctionality,

1455
01:48:17.600 --> 01:48:23.080
and he had shared with me early on about his parents, how they didn't talk for a long time

1456
01:48:23.080 --> 01:48:27.640
when they like started to separate and divorce, you know, and so he's like sharing kind of

1457
01:48:27.640 --> 01:48:33.640
trauma bonding with me, and I'm trying not to get into that, you know, but, and you know,

1458
01:48:33.640 --> 01:48:37.720
I would say we both weren't guarding our hearts, and it was, we were, you know, anyway,

1459
01:48:37.720 --> 01:48:43.560
so you know, making mistakes, trying to make right, but it was just such an awkward for

1460
01:48:43.560 --> 01:48:48.080
like two years, and a lot of not talking to each other, and I'm like waiting, trying to

1461
01:48:48.080 --> 01:48:53.760
let him initiate, and he's not, and he wants me to, and it was just like, so it was like

1462
01:48:53.760 --> 01:48:58.360
all the worst, all the things, you know, that you guys talk about, it's like it's happening

1463
01:48:58.360 --> 01:48:59.360
in real time.

1464
01:48:59.360 --> 01:49:00.360
Girl, I get it.

1465
01:49:00.360 --> 01:49:04.360
And I get it, because I've been there.

1466
01:49:04.360 --> 01:49:11.200
And my favorite thing about letting, you know, rejection being maybe God's blessing to, you

1467
01:49:11.200 --> 01:49:15.720
know, opening up us up to somebody else, and him up, and, and part of me wants to like

1468
01:49:15.720 --> 01:49:17.720
advise him, like, why am I like that?

1469
01:49:17.720 --> 01:49:21.040
I want to be like, you know, are you sure you're ready?

1470
01:49:21.040 --> 01:49:27.200
And it's not our job, it's not our job to do that, no, no, this is, this is what I'm

1471
01:49:27.200 --> 01:49:34.560
hearing you even, you're even confirming it is like, there is dysfunction, there's

1472
01:49:34.560 --> 01:49:41.840
bonding, do you recognize the pattern and the inconsistency?

1473
01:49:41.840 --> 01:49:42.840
I do.

1474
01:49:42.840 --> 01:49:45.160
And what's frustrating is like, I'm drawn to it.

1475
01:49:45.160 --> 01:49:49.480
And I don't want to be it's like, it's like, I'm like a magnet to it.

1476
01:49:49.480 --> 01:49:51.080
And I just hate it.

1477
01:49:51.080 --> 01:49:52.080
Okay.

1478
01:49:52.080 --> 01:49:57.000
So let's, let's be careful with those, like, I think that's good recognition.

1479
01:49:57.000 --> 01:50:00.040
You're saying I'm a magnet to that.

1480
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:06.480
I'm drawn to it. Do you see how you're making that an absolute statement?

1481
01:50:06.480 --> 01:50:12.560
Yeah like I feel like um he like I knew it was dysfunctional what he was doing

1482
01:50:12.560 --> 01:50:15.920
and I didn't like it at the time and then when it started to stop and slow it

1483
01:50:15.920 --> 01:50:23.040
was kind of like I was like oh I want it back. Yes okay so have you been able to

1484
01:50:23.040 --> 01:50:28.040
spend some time and sit with like what what God was wanting to show you there

1485
01:50:28.040 --> 01:50:39.240
like do like where that where that's rooted in? No. Because that's what that

1486
01:50:39.240 --> 01:50:43.480
would be my encouragement is then going into those heart work tools is really

1487
01:50:43.480 --> 01:50:51.160
utilizing that. See when we recognize the the emotion and these these triggers

1488
01:50:51.160 --> 01:50:58.840
it's going back to that phase one that heart healing cycle. It's really going

1489
01:50:58.840 --> 01:51:02.560
through that process and you know that was something that I was really good at

1490
01:51:02.560 --> 01:51:07.360
especially going into therapy because I had so much therapy like before heart

1491
01:51:07.360 --> 01:51:12.720
work. I mean and I oftentimes feel like Jackie would always use me as her poster

1492
01:51:12.720 --> 01:51:16.960
child for the you know you've been in therapy for several years but you're

1493
01:51:16.960 --> 01:51:23.680
that tipping point like I was that girl like and I'm really good at being able

1494
01:51:23.680 --> 01:51:32.520
to recognize what's not healthy but what I struggled with was going and going

1495
01:51:32.520 --> 01:51:38.000
deeper and going through that whole process and like coming out of the the

1496
01:51:38.000 --> 01:51:46.320
cycle of it and so it really is rewiring your brain and going through that cycle

1497
01:51:46.320 --> 01:51:51.480
of processing it differently and here's the thing Sarah is that you're not going

1498
01:51:51.480 --> 01:51:59.760
to do it perfectly. It takes time okay. I think you know catch the wind of you

1499
01:51:59.760 --> 01:52:04.640
recognizing that there is that dysfunction and there is there was that

1500
01:52:04.640 --> 01:52:11.760
trauma bonding. 100% that let that be that indicator for yourself of every

1501
01:52:11.760 --> 01:52:16.200
time you kind of want to go back but it feels good. No this is inconsistent

1502
01:52:16.200 --> 01:52:21.120
this is not what and go back to God's truth this is not what God designed

1503
01:52:21.120 --> 01:52:26.400
relationship to look like. This is not healthy. This is not what God would want

1504
01:52:26.400 --> 01:52:31.840
for me. I wouldn't want this for myself. Lord help me see why would I want this?

1505
01:52:31.840 --> 01:52:39.800
What is at the root of this? What fears are attached to this? And go through

1506
01:52:39.800 --> 01:52:49.000
those those heart work healing cycle things and and reckon like what a what

1507
01:52:49.000 --> 01:52:53.880
about what about it makes you feel like

1508
01:52:54.360 --> 01:52:59.840
you when you say you're a magnet to it do you do you feel like you have no

1509
01:52:59.840 --> 01:53:08.120
control to be able to remove yourself from it? Well so I wish I would have

1510
01:53:08.120 --> 01:53:13.440
removed myself after I found out that he you know his girlfriend has a

1511
01:53:13.440 --> 01:53:19.280
girlfriend she's gonna be moving out here. I right after I heard that and I

1512
01:53:19.280 --> 01:53:23.200
kind of flirt I guess flirted with him a little bit prior to that with some

1513
01:53:23.200 --> 01:53:30.480
comments in a way kind of joking kind of I don't know I like to tease and so I

1514
01:53:30.480 --> 01:53:35.880
kind of was teasing a little bit and and then that came out and then I was like

1515
01:53:35.880 --> 01:53:41.640
okay and and then I just kind of oh you know I kind of step back in a way to now

1516
01:53:41.640 --> 01:53:51.200
I'm gonna steer clear. Let me ask you so this might not be an answer that you

1517
01:53:51.200 --> 01:53:55.600
have right away or I don't want you to like spend some time marinating on it

1518
01:53:55.600 --> 01:54:02.800
yeah because here's it I mean the reality is is yeah we in hindsight now

1519
01:54:02.800 --> 01:54:05.760
that we feel this way we wish we would have done it differently but we can't

1520
01:54:05.840 --> 01:54:11.560
and that's okay yeah okay we don't want to don't stay in that space of beating

1521
01:54:11.560 --> 01:54:17.720
yourself up you're allowed to know that you're allowed to make mistakes what I

1522
01:54:17.720 --> 01:54:21.960
would like for you is saying okay I made a mistake now let me learn from this

1523
01:54:21.960 --> 01:54:29.680
yeah let me go and walk through so when I heard that he had a girlfriend and I

1524
01:54:29.680 --> 01:54:34.880
I'm sitting here telling myself that's when I wish I would have just ended it

1525
01:54:34.880 --> 01:54:41.880
but I didn't why didn't I what was I thinking what was I believing what led

1526
01:54:41.880 --> 01:54:50.600
my decision what you said you know you flirted you kind of tease why what's

1527
01:54:50.600 --> 01:54:56.840
that um I'm not sure but well went once after I flirted and tease a little bit

1528
01:54:56.840 --> 01:55:01.160
and then I thought about the girlfriend

1529
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:04.040
And then I go, oh, so then I step back and I step away

1530
01:55:04.040 --> 01:55:09.040
and I go over to the bench and he quickly followed me

1531
01:55:10.880 --> 01:55:12.080
because I don't know if he interpreted it

1532
01:55:12.080 --> 01:55:13.520
as a rejection or what.

1533
01:55:13.520 --> 01:55:16.220
And then I felt obligated to engage him in conversation,

1534
01:55:16.220 --> 01:55:18.640
which did also include his girlfriend.

1535
01:55:18.640 --> 01:55:19.800
And, but I was just like,

1536
01:55:19.800 --> 01:55:21.400
I really don't want to talk to you right now.

1537
01:55:21.400 --> 01:55:23.080
I don't want to engage with you.

1538
01:55:23.080 --> 01:55:26.080
I want, I need some time to process.

1539
01:55:26.080 --> 01:55:28.200
And I don't feel like now that she, I mean,

1540
01:55:28.200 --> 01:55:30.200
she's practically, they're practically engaged

1541
01:55:30.200 --> 01:55:32.120
because she's moving out here.

1542
01:55:32.120 --> 01:55:35.400
And I guess now I'm like, I just really, you know,

1543
01:55:35.400 --> 01:55:37.520
before it was like, I kind of was like,

1544
01:55:37.520 --> 01:55:40.600
it was a no, but it wasn't a firm no, you know,

1545
01:55:40.600 --> 01:55:42.680
because, well, anyways,

1546
01:55:42.680 --> 01:55:45.380
and then now it's like a definite no, but.

1547
01:55:46.240 --> 01:55:48.960
Okay, I want you to stop for just a second though.

1548
01:55:48.960 --> 01:55:52.680
Let's remove what's going on with him and her.

1549
01:55:52.680 --> 01:55:53.520
Yeah.

1550
01:55:53.520 --> 01:55:56.320
What's going on with you down in here?

1551
01:55:56.320 --> 01:55:57.480
Yeah.

1552
01:55:57.480 --> 01:55:59.280
What is it that you were looking for?

1553
01:55:59.280 --> 01:56:00.960
What is, what do you get,

1554
01:56:00.960 --> 01:56:05.960
what fulfillment happens with the teasing and the flirting?

1555
01:56:06.480 --> 01:56:07.320
I think.

1556
01:56:07.320 --> 01:56:08.900
Was there an excitement that happens?

1557
01:56:08.900 --> 01:56:11.100
Is there the feeling chosen?

1558
01:56:11.100 --> 01:56:16.100
Is there a, like what, what motivates that?

1559
01:56:17.920 --> 01:56:19.920
Yeah, cause I, I guess,

1560
01:56:19.920 --> 01:56:23.920
cause we've had what about two years of trying to talk

1561
01:56:23.920 --> 01:56:26.760
and communicate, trying to talk and communicate

1562
01:56:26.760 --> 01:56:28.080
in a healthy way.

1563
01:56:28.080 --> 01:56:31.040
And it's been more healthy, unhealthy than healthy.

1564
01:56:31.040 --> 01:56:34.200
So now I'm like, okay, well, I'm gonna,

1565
01:56:34.200 --> 01:56:36.700
now I'm gonna engage and I'm gonna,

1566
01:56:36.700 --> 01:56:39.320
and I think I was also fearful because I think he's like

1567
01:56:39.320 --> 01:56:41.760
probably 10 years younger, but again, you know,

1568
01:56:41.760 --> 01:56:43.920
we weren't mature enough to where I could, you know,

1569
01:56:43.920 --> 01:56:45.080
we could figure out the age thing.

1570
01:56:45.080 --> 01:56:47.800
I dropped a hint that I was in my forties

1571
01:56:47.800 --> 01:56:50.000
and I'm trying to figure out what how old he is.

1572
01:56:50.000 --> 01:56:53.320
And he's not telling me like I didn't ask it out, right?

1573
01:56:53.320 --> 01:56:55.560
That's where some of that inconsistency,

1574
01:56:55.560 --> 01:56:57.560
there's not clear communication.

1575
01:56:57.560 --> 01:57:00.800
There's not a lot of clarity, but that's why, again,

1576
01:57:00.800 --> 01:57:03.600
I'm still trying to, I'm still trying to have you tap in

1577
01:57:03.600 --> 01:57:06.260
and let's get below the surface.

1578
01:57:06.260 --> 01:57:07.100
Yeah.

1579
01:57:07.100 --> 01:57:09.400
Really dig a little bit, you know,

1580
01:57:09.400 --> 01:57:12.200
spend time with Holy Spirit on that one.

1581
01:57:12.200 --> 01:57:15.080
Like what's, what's it rooted in?

1582
01:57:15.080 --> 01:57:17.320
So what's the teasing and rooting it, rooted,

1583
01:57:17.320 --> 01:57:21.600
what's the teasing flirting rooted in after all that?

1584
01:57:21.600 --> 01:57:25.000
Especially after you've seen a lot of the unhealthy

1585
01:57:25.000 --> 01:57:30.000
behavior, like even if you can recall like past memories

1586
01:57:31.760 --> 01:57:35.600
of something that felt similar to some.

1587
01:57:35.600 --> 01:57:39.000
Oh yeah, I mean, I can always take it back to my dad.

1588
01:57:39.000 --> 01:57:41.760
And of course there's a bunch of dysfunction, you know,

1589
01:57:41.760 --> 01:57:43.680
and you know, you try to make the best of things,

1590
01:57:43.680 --> 01:57:45.960
but it's like obviously dysfunctional.

1591
01:57:45.960 --> 01:57:49.360
My parents' relationship and my dad and his, you know,

1592
01:57:49.360 --> 01:57:51.840
alcoholism, I mean, he became a, you know,

1593
01:57:51.840 --> 01:57:54.000
stopped drinking alcohol when he was, when I was a baby,

1594
01:57:54.000 --> 01:57:57.120
but you know, there's still all of those, those,

1595
01:57:57.120 --> 01:57:59.320
the anger and he was still smoking.

1596
01:57:59.320 --> 01:58:01.920
Like you're like a sober alcoholic.

1597
01:58:01.920 --> 01:58:03.040
Yeah, yeah.

1598
01:58:03.040 --> 01:58:05.680
And you know, a lot of like, just meanness.

1599
01:58:05.680 --> 01:58:07.480
And then him and my mom didn't know how to, yeah.

1600
01:58:07.480 --> 01:58:08.960
So I'm sure a lot of it is like.

1601
01:58:08.960 --> 01:58:10.680
Yeah, and I think that, that, that,

1602
01:58:10.680 --> 01:58:12.240
I know it's like you just bringing that up.

1603
01:58:12.240 --> 01:58:13.120
I would, you know,

1604
01:58:13.120 --> 01:58:16.720
spend some time with Holy Spirit on that one and see if it,

1605
01:58:16.720 --> 01:58:19.200
if it, if there is any connections there,

1606
01:58:19.960 --> 01:58:23.800
if any of that kind of feels similar

1607
01:58:23.800 --> 01:58:26.280
to that part of your childhood

1608
01:58:26.280 --> 01:58:28.320
and any memories you can recall on that

1609
01:58:28.320 --> 01:58:30.080
and see where that connection is.

1610
01:58:30.080 --> 01:58:32.280
Sometimes those things can kind of link

1611
01:58:32.280 --> 01:58:34.840
and then we can kind of understand,

1612
01:58:34.840 --> 01:58:39.840
oh, that's why I was continuing to entertain

1613
01:58:40.200 --> 01:58:44.080
this unhealthy dysfunction

1614
01:58:44.080 --> 01:58:47.720
is because this is what I was used to.

1615
01:58:47.760 --> 01:58:48.960
But then you go through

1616
01:58:48.960 --> 01:58:52.360
and you walk through the heart healing cycle

1617
01:58:52.360 --> 01:58:57.320
and you spend time having God reveal what the truth is

1618
01:58:57.320 --> 01:59:00.200
and what he truly desires for you

1619
01:59:01.280 --> 01:59:03.280
and what lives we're believing

1620
01:59:03.280 --> 01:59:05.440
and what, how to replace those with truth.

1621
01:59:05.440 --> 01:59:07.040
And that will start unlocking it.

1622
01:59:07.040 --> 01:59:08.400
Again, this is,

1623
01:59:08.400 --> 01:59:10.600
it doesn't have to be perfection overnight.

1624
01:59:11.440 --> 01:59:12.280
Yeah.

1625
01:59:12.280 --> 01:59:15.400
It's, it's sometimes it's, you know, God,

1626
01:59:15.400 --> 01:59:19.080
God can use these really uncomfortable,

1627
01:59:19.080 --> 01:59:24.080
you know, unfortunate situations to bring a lot of healing.

1628
01:59:25.160 --> 01:59:28.320
It really does invite us to an opportunity.

1629
01:59:29.480 --> 01:59:31.440
You know, he doesn't mean for it to happen.

1630
01:59:31.440 --> 01:59:35.480
I mean, it, he turns everything for good.

1631
01:59:35.480 --> 01:59:38.200
He will not waste anything

1632
01:59:38.200 --> 01:59:40.840
and anything that the enemy is going to want to use

1633
01:59:40.840 --> 01:59:44.120
to kind of disrupt, destroy doubt.

1634
01:59:44.120 --> 01:59:48.200
God can literally use for his purpose.

1635
01:59:48.200 --> 01:59:50.720
And so in those moments

1636
01:59:50.720 --> 01:59:53.920
where you're feeling distraught and upset,

1637
01:59:53.920 --> 01:59:56.720
you know, just press into that

1638
01:59:56.720 --> 01:59:59.280
and start speaking that over yourself.

1639
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:03.040
Yeah, that's what I really want to encourage you with.

1640
02:00:03.040 --> 02:00:07.360
Okay, we're out of time, ladies, but Sarah, I'm going to quickly pray over you,

1641
02:00:07.360 --> 02:00:13.520
and then, ladies, we will catch up next week, and then I will post that activation as well.

1642
02:00:14.560 --> 02:00:17.280
Heavenly Father, you know, we just lift Sarah up to you, Lord.

1643
02:00:18.560 --> 02:00:21.840
Lord, I just ask that you just comfort her in this time.

1644
02:00:21.840 --> 02:00:27.600
Just release your supernatural presence.

1645
02:00:29.200 --> 02:00:37.200
Fill her heart with the knowing that you are for her and nothing can be against her.

1646
02:00:40.400 --> 02:00:49.760
Lord, I invite just your calm and your love and your joy, gentleness, Lord.

1647
02:00:50.560 --> 02:00:57.760
Thank you for the grace that you give us as we grow into, you know, who you created us to be.

1648
02:00:58.800 --> 02:01:06.640
You knew that, you know, we are on this earth that's full of sin,

1649
02:01:08.160 --> 02:01:13.280
but you brought your Son to this earth so that we could have the Holy Spirit.

1650
02:01:13.280 --> 02:01:19.360
He died on the cross so we could have the Holy Spirit to guide us and have Jesus as a friend

1651
02:01:19.360 --> 02:01:27.360
that just knew exactly what we were experiencing, that we can lean on you as a father,

1652
02:01:28.720 --> 02:01:36.720
Jesus as a friend, and the Holy Spirit as our divine counselor to walk us through

1653
02:01:38.960 --> 02:01:43.200
each day of our life here on earth, Lord.

1654
02:01:43.200 --> 02:01:50.000
And Lord, I just, I ask that, you know, you just remind Sarah that what you have for us

1655
02:01:50.560 --> 02:01:58.560
in heaven can also be here on earth, and Lord, we just ask that, you know, we just,

1656
02:01:59.920 --> 02:02:04.880
we thank you that your kingdom is already here because your Son already came and died on the

1657
02:02:04.880 --> 02:02:09.760
cross, Lord, and that peace and that presence can be felt.

1658
02:02:13.520 --> 02:02:15.760
Lord, just, you know, cover Sarah right now.

1659
02:02:17.760 --> 02:02:22.000
Give her the strength and the boldness and the courage

1660
02:02:24.720 --> 02:02:33.920
to gently soften the soil to the roots of areas that you want to restore, Lord, that you want to

1661
02:02:33.920 --> 02:02:44.320
heal, that you want to redeem, Father. I pray that over not just Sarah but for everyone in this

1662
02:02:44.320 --> 02:02:51.360
community, Lord, that as these ladies, you know, walk into this week and, you know,

1663
02:02:53.040 --> 02:03:02.880
pressing into this Clarity Challenge as they really do embrace recognizing how they connect

1664
02:03:04.480 --> 02:03:09.280
so that they can fully embrace the it's a yes until to know that,

1665
02:03:09.280 --> 02:03:14.720
you know, the opportunity of how you allow dating to be an observation period,

1666
02:03:17.040 --> 02:03:29.680
that time for you to really allow your timing and your peace and your unfolding and your story

1667
02:03:29.680 --> 02:03:38.400
to be written, that we don't have to force anything, but when we partner with you and we

1668
02:03:38.400 --> 02:03:44.720
let you take control, you have the best story written for us.

1669
02:03:46.880 --> 02:03:50.480
So, I thank you for that and I release that over every single one of these women.

1670
02:03:51.440 --> 02:04:01.520
Let me ask this in Jesus name. Amen. Ladies, have a fabulous rest of your day. I'm going to go ahead

1671
02:04:01.520 --> 02:04:09.840
and make sure I catch all the comments because I don't think I read through them all. So, I'm going

1672
02:04:09.840 --> 02:04:17.760
to go through and make sure I copy them so that I can go through and make sure that I read them.

1673
02:04:18.560 --> 02:04:26.480
And then if I miss something and you want to post it in the app, please do and we will go in and

1674
02:04:26.480 --> 02:04:33.280
respond to that. But again, ladies, if I didn't get to your question, definitely either come on

1675
02:04:33.280 --> 02:04:42.640
tonight with Ebony or post it in the app and I will see you ladies next week. Okay, have a good one.