Good morning, everybody, and welcome to Supernatural Saturday.
Today we are going to be doing a little healing work around the idea of mother.
We're going to do a little pre-Mother's Day session here today on Supernatural Saturday.
This has been a, for those of you that know my story, for those of you that have heard
me teach over the years, you know that mother has been a very, very hurtful, hard thing
for me, and also a very healing thing for me.
And so you're like, how can that be possible, Jackie?
Well, it can be possible, and it is, and it has been.
And so I want to help all of you today.
I hope that we will all leave this call more available to Holy Spirit.
I believe that mother wounds specifically have a huge impact on us being able to receive
the ministry of Holy Spirit, what He is doing in our lives.
When you think about the Godhead, when you think about Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
Holy Spirit is the most feminine of the three.
It's obviously not a person, so not feminine, but the characteristics and the traits are
most like what we consider the divine feminine.
The Holy Spirit is described as a counselor, is described as a comforter, is described
as wisdom.
Proverbs talks about wisdom in the feminine, and the feminine form, it says that lady wisdom
and wisdom, not that men are not wise, obviously they are.
This has nothing to do with genders.
This has to do with the attributes of God.
All of us know, if we've read the beginning of the book, that God made us in His image,
male and female, He made us in His image.
God is both masculine and God is both feminine, and that means Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
So all the aspects of God, when you put us together, man and woman, we show the fullness
of God in a lot of ways, and especially when you put us in family, then we show the fullness
of God, three in one.
So many beautiful things to be seen there and to be taught there, but we are not going
to teach about that today.
We are just simply going to talk about this thing called mother.
We talk so much about father wounds, we do.
We talk so much about God being a father, and what is a father?
Obviously God is not a person, right?
He's a spirit.
So how can we call Him our father?
Because it has to do with the role that He plays in our life.
It has to do with an identity that He gives us.
It has to do with the DNA that we carry.
It has to do with the idea of father, and I know a lot of us have stuff around dad and
daddy wounds and father stuff, and maybe we'll go after that on Father's Day next month,
but we don't talk enough, I don't think, about mother wounds and healing from mother wounds
because mother wounds have a lot to do with your identity.
Did you know, this is scientifically, sociologically true, let me talk to you about this really
quick.
In a family dynamic that's going to be healthy, if a child is born a female, she'll be with
a mother until she's about eight or nine years old, okay?
And all children need to be with their mothers, and for some of us, that wasn't possible.
Our mother was sick, maybe our mother had passed away, our mother was not mentally available,
our mother was a single mother, so she had to work, and so then she wasn't with us physically,
she didn't have a lot of time or bandwidth for us.
We'll go through all of that, but for whatever reason, we did not get the nurturing that
we needed early in life.
You guys, believe it or not, this is where attachment styles come from.
Attachment styles don't come from dad, they come from mom.
One of our success stories, a couple here in Austin that I match made, I actually introduced
them to each other, they got married, I officiated their wedding, they just had their first baby.
And the baby wants nothing to do with dad.
The baby just wants mom, right?
Because mom is where the milk is.
Mom is what baby has been inside of mom this entire time, been growing and hearing mom's
voice and feeling mom's heartbeat, and she's been in there.
And so she just wants mom, I mean, dad can hold her and stuff, but she wants mom.
And so children, they need us, they need us as mothers, they need their mothers, they
need the feminine, and in early life, in the very beginning, very beginning, to feel safe,
to feel secure.
Do you know that a child, when it's born, it doesn't even know that it's a separate
person from the mother?
Did you know that?
It doesn't even know that it's a separate person from the mother.
That's why the that's why children go through that separation anxiety eventually,
you know, because then they're finally starting to figure out that, you know,
that they're a separate person from the mother and that the mother could actually leave.
But is she coming back?
And then as soon as a child is able to see that, OK, yeah, she left.
She put me in my crib.
She left the room.
But every time I cry, guess what?
She pokes her head and she comes back.
What does that do?
That begins to form secure attachment.
When I cry, my caretaker responds.
People are always like, why is that baby crying?
Well, because it wants something and it doesn't have language yet.
It wants something.
It wants food.
It wants its nappy changed.
It wants, you know, just comfort.
It just wants attention.
It just wants to know that you're there.
But some of us, we didn't have that.
Our mothers were distracted.
They were doing all kinds of other things.
So here's what the attachment experiment did.
They put children in a room with their favorite toys.
These are toddlers, three to four years old.
They put them in a room with with toys that a three or four year old would love to play with,
like an exciting toys for that age range.
And that room had a two-way mirror, just like, you know, the detective shows.
It had a two-way mirror.
And then they would ask the caregiver, whoever that was, whoever was raising that child,
whether it was grandma, grandpa, mom, dad, an aunt, you know, a foster parent.
It doesn't matter.
Whoever that person was that that child knew as their primary caregiver was with them in the room.
And then they would ask that person to kind of sneak out while the child was busy playing.
The children that screamed and cried and could not be consoled until that caretaker came back in the room.
And even when they came back in the room, the child was done playing.
It wasn't going to let the caretaker out of its sight.
It was going to hang on to the caretaker's leg.
It was just not interested in playing at all anymore.
Those were the anxious attachers.
The ones that, you know, they are afraid that your love is going to be withdrawn.
They're afraid that, you know, you're going to disappear and that you're never going to come back or you're not going to love them anymore.
They were the anxious attached children.
The children that cried for a little bit, you know, cried, you know, a couple cries like, hey, where's my caretaker?
But then they kind of just started, they started playing still because they were confident that, yeah, they're not here.
I don't know where they went, but they'll be back.
And then when the caretaker came back in the room, they went over the caretaker, you know, hugged him or kissed him or whatever, and then kept playing.
Because they just knew they were confident that that love was not going to be withdrawn from them forever.
That love was going to continue to be available to them, that they were safe.
They were safe.
Yeah, it's a little uncomfortable.
I'm in a strange room and my caretaker left, but they'll be back.
They're not going to leave me here.
I know that.
I'm confident in them.
I trust them.
And then the third type of child was a type of child who didn't even notice that the caretaker left.
They continue to play oblivious of the caretaker's absence because they were used to the caretaker not being there.
They were used to the caretaker, you know, not meeting their needs.
They were very independent in their spirits because they had already learned how to take care of themselves.
I was that third child.
I was that third child from a very young age.
Just...
Guys, I remember looking at the want ads.
Okay, remember I was born in the 70s.
I was born in 75.
I remember looking at the want ads.
Remember, it was all about newspapers back in the day.
Newspapers and magazines.
The internet didn't exist.
Computers didn't exist.
None of that existed.
We got the newspaper every single morning.
I would read the cartoons and then I would go straight to the want ads and I would look for jobs and look for apartments.
You guys, I was like 10 years old.
I was 10 and I was already trying to find a way out.
What do I got to do?
How much money is this?
What's got to happen next?
That would have been like 1985.
And some of you, you understand.
Okay, so in a healthy family dynamic, the children would both be with mom, whether you're a boy or a girl, until you're about eight.
And then at eight years old, the daughter would kind of gravitate towards becoming a daddy's girl.
Okay, wanting to be with dad, you know, dad's the best kind of thing.
And she would probably stay that way mentally and emotionally until puberty.
And in puberty, she would gravitate back towards mom.
Remember, this isn't a healthy.
healthy family dynamic.
This is according to the, you know, the social experts, the psychological experts.
And then she would never leave mom's side.
After puberty, yeah, she loves dad.
She's close to dad.
But after puberty and on, you know, she would be, you know, in mom's charge, gravitating
towards mom.
Boys, different.
Boys would be with mom until puberty.
They'd be with mom until puberty.
And what are they learning?
They're learning emotional intelligence in a lot of ways.
They're learning, they're being nurtured, they're being cared for.
This is against the American idea that, oh, you know, that boy's got to get out here.
He's got to work hard.
He's got to do...
No.
It isn't until puberty that now the boy is kind of under dad's charge, fully.
So he kind of gravitates towards dad when he gets to puberty.
And then he stays with dad.
He learns how to become a man.
He already has all of the emotional framework from being with mom.
And now he's with dad and he's learning how to do, like he's learning how to, what masculinity
looks like, act it out.
But a lot of people aren't raised this way.
They say, hey, this is the best way.
This is the way it should be.
But many people, most people did not have that type of framework in their childhood.
We want to focus on mothers today and maybe we'll focus on fathers and I'll have David
be involved with that.
But what I said at the beginning of this call is true.
The idea of mother is the thing that hurt me the most in my life.
My first broken heart came from my mom.
My mom was a single mom and, you know, me and my brother, my brother's 18 months older
than me.
It was just the three of us.
My mom used to sing this song.
I don't remember who sings it, but the lyrics are something like, she was just 16 when I
came to be, we grew up together.
My mom, my mom, a child in me, like my mama was a child.
And that's true.
My mama was, my mama was a teenager when she had my brother.
And then she was barely 20 years old when she had me.
And she was married to our father who was not a good man at that time.
A very immature young man who was, you know, doing a lot of bad things, had some mental
health issues, addiction issues, fidelity issues.
A lot of things were happening and my mom was going through a lot of things after having
been raised in a family that was very destructive already.
So but you know, as a little child, I didn't know any of that.
All I knew is that mom was never around.
Mom could not be found.
Mom was someone that we needed to take care of and that we needed to protect because she
couldn't take care of herself.
I remember many times as a child, finding my mom passed out somewhere, drunk somewhere.
She wasn't an addict, but she would just drink herself sick when this man would not show
up or not be where he was supposed to be.
And she would just do things like this sporadically and, you know, we would find her somewhere.
We lived on the, we lived on the beach, we lived on the lake.
We would drag her up, me and my brother, we'd drag her up from the beach, all 110 pounds
of her, because she was just a tiny thing and put her to bed, you know, we'd find her
in the garage sitting in her car because she had barely made it home from whatever escapade,
you know, she was on with this, with this no good guy and, you know, cried herself to
sleep in her car and, you know, pulled her in the house and, you know, this is the kind
of mama that we had when we were little.
And she, you know, tried three times to find a better man.
Three times my mom was married before I was even 10 years old and none of them were good.
And it wasn't great.
It wasn't a great childhood.
And I loved my mom, but I didn't realize until just recently, I became deeply, I became deeply
responsible for her, deeply responsible for her wellbeing and for her safety, carrying
a lot of her trauma in my own body.
See some of you guys think that your intrusive thoughts and the things that you're dealing
with, you think they come from you, the things that you're worried about, but they don't.
They come from things that you started carrying of your own mothers when you were in her womb.
Her worries, her fears, the things that she was thinking about, the things that, you know,
gave her nightmares and woke her up in the middle of the night.
You were carrying those things, carrying them in your own body.
And I just recently, because my mom has passed, my mom's been passed for six years.
In fact, my mom's birthday is next Wednesday.
And I just recently realized I was just so caring,
so much of the things that haunted her.
And I want us to let go of those things today.
I'm hoping that that's what's going to happen.
So tomorrow's Mother's Day and you know,
this weekend is maybe beautiful for some of you
and deeply painful for others.
For those of you that have great, incredible moms,
you know, this session is still for you
because you've probably been hurt by the feminine
in some way in your life.
Maybe not your mother, but the feminine.
You know, some woman somewhere, a friend, a colleague,
a boss, a coach, someone, someone, a spiritual mentor,
someone in your life.
So this weekend, tomorrow,
people will be celebrating amazing mothers
and some people like me will be grieving mothers
that we lost and others will be grieving mothers
that they never really had.
You know what?
You know, it has been hard since my mom passed away,
but I have to say this is that most of my life
from about 14 years old on, I was grieving my mother,
even though she was alive.
There were many years that I had to be no contact
with my mom.
She wasn't healthy enough for me to have any contact with.
Every time I would get any amount of healing,
just even one conversation with her could undo so much of it
and I just, I had to grieve her when she was alive.
So some of you are like that, you're estranged.
You're hurting, you need boundaries with mom,
but you feel really guilty for having boundaries.
You know, let me see the hands of people who,
mom's really not a safe person.
She's still alive, but she's not really that safe.
You love her, but you kind of love her from a distance
because, you know, not that you don't see her,
you might see her, but you know,
you just know that you have to have good boundaries
with her because anything's possible.
And then everyone, keep those hands up
and then everyone whose mothers are past,
let's get your hands up.
Your mom is no longer on the earth.
Doesn't mean that she was a bad mom,
it just means she's no longer here
and obviously that causes its own amount of grief, right?
And a lot of us deal with, hey, you know,
we really love our parents, we love our moms,
but we also know that they didn't become the person
that they could have become,
especially as you grow in knowledge
and you know what's available,
your parents stopped somewhere along the road.
They didn't grow in their understanding of God.
They didn't grow in their understanding of family.
They didn't grow in their understanding of, you know,
what they could have, inner healing, you know,
physical healing, whatever it was.
They didn't go any further.
You guys know what I'm talking about?
And that breaks our hearts, right?
Cause we love them and we want them to experience
what we're experiencing,
but they either didn't do it and they went to heaven
and of course now you guys they're having all of it, right?
But we wanted to experience them having it.
We wanted to experience them having a good life.
We wanted to experience them being out of pain.
We wanted to experience them forgiving whoever hurt them.
We wanted to see that, didn't we?
We wanted to see that.
I know I wanted to see it.
My mom did some of that work before she passed
and I'm so thankful that she did.
I'm so thankful I got to see it,
but there was so many other things that I wanted for her.
My mom was an incredible woman
and she could have done so much more with her life
and it grieves me even though she's not alive
and I'm like, Jackie, this ship has sailed.
Why does this still grieve you?
But sometimes it still grieves me.
So regardless of whether you have an amazing mother,
she's your best friend, I'm my daughter's best friend.
I'm my daughter's, I'm their best friend.
That's why I said that motherhood,
motherhood is something that has hurt me,
my mom's motherhood and it's also something
that has healed me, my own motherhood.
So whether you're estranged with your mother,
whether you still feel angry, maybe you feel guilty,
maybe you're hurting, maybe you're not,
maybe you have boundaries, maybe you don't,
maybe some of you are the mother that I'm talking about
and you're carrying shame.
You're carrying shame because you know
that you were not the best mother that you could be
and your children are grown now.
And maybe some of you still have children at home
and you feel like you're not being the mother
that you wanna be because you're single
and because you haven't been able to give them
a good representation of a father
or because you don't have enough time
because you're working or you've made mistakes
and you've been in relationships with people
who have hurt you and your children
have been along for that ride and now you're carrying shame
because you never wanted your children to have pain
and yet here we are.
And then there's a whole other category.
We have some of you that you really wanted to be a mother,
but life unfolded differently
than you dreamed and imagined.
For whatever reason,
you didn't have a chance to become a mother.
And maybe you still have a chance
to become a mother biologically.
All of us have a chance to become a mother to someone,
regardless of your age.
But for some of you,
that time of reproductive life has gone.
You're in your 50s, 60s,
maybe 70s, you don't have any biological children,
and that's a deep wound.
Maybe you even felt like,
you're not just that you missed out on something,
but that God failed you
because you always wanted marriage and family.
And for whatever reason, it didn't happen.
So this morning is not supposed to be a downer.
It's obviously not about condemnation.
It's about healing.
Because some of us are still trying at 45, 55, 35, 65,
to receive something that we did not receive
at five years old.
We're still out here trying to earn approval.
You know, even if you think that you had great parents
and a great mother specifically,
because you're really loyal to her,
maybe she's passed and you're loyal to her memory.
No, no, no, she was great.
Yeah, she wasn't perfect, but she was great.
But if you're out here
still trying to earn approval from people,
if you're still terrified of rejection,
for all of you that are always over-explaining yourselves,
always over-explaining why you want something,
why you did this,
always worried about what someone is gonna say.
So you're over-explaining, trying to make everyone happy,
trying to make sure no one gets mad at you.
You're out here shape-shifting.
You're trying to be whatever people want you to be.
You're performing for love.
You still are anxious when people pull away.
You just wanna lock people down.
You wanna keep people from leaving you.
That's mom wounds, y'all.
I don't care if you're loyal to mom.
No one's asking you to be disloyal.
That means that you didn't get something that you needed.
And I'm asking you if we could heal it today.
Everyone put your hands down.
If you saw yourself in anything that I just said
and anything that I'm gonna say,
you got some mom wounds going on.
And that doesn't mean your mom's a terrible person.
It doesn't mean you're saying she's a terrible person.
Everyone get your hands down.
And men, this is about you too.
You guys all had mothers too.
It may seem like I'm talking to the ladies, but I'm not.
I'm talking to you.
I'm talking to you guys.
Because some men learned really early
through mom or through some other woman
that women are emotionally unsafe.
Flying off the handle, going into rages,
having temper tantrums, yelling at you,
degrading you, calling you names, whatever it is,
taking out their anger about dad on you,
not being emotionally available.
Men learned early that women are not emotionally,
they're not emotionally safe.
They learned that through some woman.
They learned that vulnerability with women was dangerous.
Right?
They shut down emotionally
because the feminine energy around them felt chaotic,
controlling, manipulative, critical,
maybe emotionally absent.
Maybe they felt rejected by the women in their life.
Guys, this is just as much about you
as it is about the ladies.
But what we need to understand
is that mother wounds do not stay in childhood.
That's what I'm trying to get across to all of us today.
They follow us into every area of our lives.
They follow us into dating.
And here's the thing,
you can have a mom that's been there right by your side
through everything, but she's also really controlling.
And you haven't really seen it that way
because you're just glad and thankful
that she's been with you and been there for you.
But she's also really inserted herself in a lot of things.
She's also really wanted you to do things a certain way.
And she's pushed you to do those things.
And she's become upset
if you didn't do those things that way
because she just wants what's best for me.
Well, okay.
But you're a grown person.
And that's why these things sometimes are covert.
They're not even overt.
They follow us into dating, into marriage,
into any kind of attachment that we have with anyone.
This is your first relationship.
Mom is the first relationship, not dad, mom.
This is so much of your identity.
This comes out in your parenting, in your leadership.
It comes out in the way you interact with other people,
even in your friendships.
It also comes out in your relationship with God.
It comes out.
Let's look at a few scriptures, you guys.
Psalms 2710.
Psalm 2710.
Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me or the Lord will take me up.
The Lord will make me his own.
Right here, through the psalmist,
God is acknowledging parental wounds.
You guys know that David was rejected, right?
There's a lot of word on the street
that David was an illegitimate child.
This is the reason why he wasn't lined up with the brothers
when the prophet came to anoint one of them as king.
When the prophet came to Jesse's house,
David was out in the field with the sheep.
Why?
Because he was a shameful part of his father's history.
His mother was not his father's wife.
This is the story.
This is the word on the street, right?
So David knew a little bit about being rejected.
Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
God's acknowledging that, you know,
you could be forsaken by your parents.
He's not pretending these kinds of wounds don't exist.
And then we have Isaiah 49, 15.
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast?
Yeah, she can.
Though she may forget, I will not forget you.
He's saying right there that human love can fail.
Human love can fail sometimes,
but God's love does not fail.
God's love cannot fail.
God doesn't just have love.
He is love and he cannot fail.
Even though the humans in our lives,
even if they did their best,
their best sometimes comes up short y'all
because they're humans, but God does not come up short.
His love cannot fail us.
Ephesians 4, 31 and 32 is talking about getting rid
of all the bitterness.
You guys can read it later.
We're kind of running short on time.
I'm gonna push forward.
Talks about getting rid of bitterness.
Guys, unforgiveness turns to bitterness eventually.
It poisons us, even if we don't know it.
And bitterness will keep us emotionally chained
to whatever wounded us.
You will not be able to break free from that thing.
You won't.
Remember, I say that
if you're not willing to release someone
from what they've done to you,
like release their identity,
then you have to keep being the thing
that you've become because of it.
So for instance, they lied.
They lied to you.
They lied about you.
You become the lied about.
They abused you.
You become the abused.
They cheated on you.
So you become the cheated on.
You don't have to keep holding onto that identity.
When we forgive, we become unchained.
We become untethered from that.
And we give back our identity.
Our pain, pain is not our identity.
Someone needs to say that to themselves a thousand times.
Pain is not my identity.
And you guys know, this is kind of HeartWork 101.
For those of you that are in HeartWork,
this is a really important phase
that you're in right now.
This program is an important season of your life
to really just do this work.
Let Holy Spirit dig deep with you.
You know, Colossians 3.13 says,
"'Forgive as the Lord has forgiven us.'"
Forgiveness is such an important part,
not just of your healing, but of your freedom,
of you walking in freedom.
Forgiveness sets you free.
I know we've heard it a million times,
but forgiveness is not for the person who hurt you.
Forgiveness is for yourself.
It really is.
So let's talk about mom wounds for a little while here.
We have about 30 minutes left.
Wounded women, you guys.
Wounded women often raise wounded people.
Our moms didn't just come out of the box
the way they were.
For those of us that wish we had a different type of mom,
wish that she could have been more available
emotionally, physically,
wish that she didn't have such a sharp tongue,
wish that she would have shared her heart with you more,
been more vulnerable with you, whatever it is,
whatever it is that has hurt you about mom,
even if she was a great mom,
she didn't come out of the box that way.
No one is waking up.
every day trying to destroy their children,
even people that do heinous things
that you read about on the news.
Those people, they were the first victims.
All it is is a lather, rinse, repeat.
You know that, right?
And I'm not justifying it.
I'm not saying it's okay.
And I'm not saying, oh, they were hurt.
So we're just gonna turn our head to that.
No, I'm not saying that.
But I wanna give us some context.
The curse looks different on everybody.
And these people were abused, most of them.
They didn't just wake up with an evil streak.
Usually people that hurt us are people
that are just trying to survive themselves.
You hear it all the time.
Hurting people hurt people.
But we also know that healed people heal people.
So some mothers, they lost themselves.
They lost the plot somewhere along the line
because they were just trying to survive.
Religion makes people mean.
I'm just gonna tell you that right now.
Some people grew up in really strict religious environments
and then they pushed that on you as your parent.
They were always telling you how mean and bad God was
and how he was gonna get you
if you didn't do what you're supposed to do.
I'll never forget, right after I was saved at 22,
after I gave my heart to Jesus, I had a radical conversion.
I went to visit my grandma, my mother's mother in Tennessee.
And this lady had been a baptized, born again,
spirit-filled Pentecostal all of my life.
And I was super scared of her because she was just mean.
She was the one that'd be like, go cut me a switch.
She just wanna send you out to get your own weapon
in which she was going to then beat you with.
Anyone else have a grandma like this?
And my mom was raised by this woman, all right?
She was raised by this woman.
She wanted me to go out and find a stick of some sort
and bring it back to her so that she could beat me with it.
Y'all, can we just talk about this for a second?
Because people think the Bible says to do this.
I don't have time to teach on this right now,
but corporal punishment is not what the Bible
is talking about when it's talking about correction,
just so you know.
So if you were spanked by a well-meaning parent
who thought that they were doing the Lord's will
by spanking you with a belt, with a flip-flop,
with their hand, with whatever was available
that they grabbed when they started coming at you,
that was not of God.
And I wanna release you from that pain right now.
They took a verse that someone was teaching them,
meant one thing, and that's not what it meant.
Yes, you wanna correct behavior in children.
God corrects those that he loves.
But there is nowhere in those scriptures,
in the actual original language,
that it means physical pain or punishment, just so you know.
And we won't teach on that today
because it'll be too long.
But if you guys need that and you need healing
from physical abuse from your parents, I will teach that
because I want to teach that.
I never spanked my kids.
It didn't feel right to me.
My kids got punished.
They got corrected, but they didn't get physically hit.
So some of you had that.
Anyway, my grandma, she sent me out there to get that,
to get that switch.
But I was the grandkid that you sent me out
to get the switch and I just never came back, okay?
Listen, my mama didn't raise no fool.
I did not come back, all right?
I just went off and played,
and then eventually grandma was,
she was done with her rage.
I knew how to outweigh grandma's rage.
She was just rageful in the minute.
If you just waited a couple hours,
then she was feeding you biscuits and buttermilk.
You didn't, you just had to just wait it out a little bit.
But for those obedient grandchildren that went, came,
oh, oh, oh, and they went out and they got the switch
and they came right back, yeah,
they were gonna get beat because she was raging.
You don't ever give a raging person a weapon against you.
Yes, I was always smart.
I was always street smart, y'all.
I was out here surviving
from the time I came out of my mother's womb.
But religion is what traumatized this woman,
and it's what caused her to traumatize other people.
Do you see what I'm trying to say here?
Some people, they were raised in very insecure families,
so they became very insecure.
Does anyone ever have a parent be jealous of you?
It's just like they want you to do well, but just not better than them.
A lot of people deal with that you guys I've coached so many people over the
last 29 years of my life and I'm telling you.
People deal with parents
that are jealous of them and jealous of their talents and jealous of their
beauty and jealous of their opportunities.
It's gross.
But it exists in the curse.
It exists
in our cursed state.
Some mothers were just single and they just lost themselves in exhaustion.
They wanted to be a better mother to you, but they just were too exhausted to
be a better mother.
They were just trying to survive.
They had bitterness themselves against their parents and against, you know,
their former spouse or your the baby daddy or whoever.
They were trying to recover from abuse, but they didn't have the tools.
They were emotionally immature.
You guys know that when abuse starts in your life, your growth is stunted.
Your growth gets stunted
at whatever age your abuse starts.
You kind of stop progressing emotionally.
And so some of us had really immature parents, petty parents.
A lot of people became mothers before they ever should have.
They became mothers very young.
They didn't just become mothers before they were healed because some of them
never got healed because once again, a lot of our mothers never had access to
the tools that we have right now.
How many of you, whether you love mom or not, whether she did her best or not,
how many of you would love for your mother to experience what you're
experiencing right now?
You would love for her to experience the ministry of Holy Spirit.
You would love for her to experience just the knowledge and revelation that
God has given you over the course of your spiritual development.
You would have loved for her to even have lived long enough to see the
advances in science and the maybe she died of something that is curable now.
You would have loved for her to experience the supernatural Saturday.
You would have loved to have seen her healed supernaturally.
That's my, you know, guys, we prayed nonstop for my mom to get healed and
she did have a lot of healing and we thought she was going to fully get
healed, but instead she went to heaven.
And you know what God told me after the fact after my mom had been passed
for a couple years and this was really hard pill to swallow, but I'm going
to share it with you guys and please don't apply this to your own situation
because this is just for me.
It could be for you too, but I'm going to share it with you guys.
But when I was really just having it out with the Lord a couple years after my
mom passed because I was still deeply grieving why she wasn't fully healed on
earth and you know, and God basically told me that my mom had so much self
bitterness that she couldn't receive healing from him.
Like she never thought she was worthy of it.
She would, she would, she would believe it for just a couple minutes, but then
she would go to heaven and she would go to heaven and she would go to heaven
and she would, she would, she would believe it for just a couple minutes,
but then she would go right back to partnering with that.
She just didn't deserve anything good to happen to her.
And here's the thing that God said to me that really hurt.
He said, Jackie, I know it's hard for you.
He said, but she's better where she is because she was in a lot of pain, not
just because she was sick.
He said, even before she was sick, she was in a lot of emotional pain all of
her life.
She's been in so much self-hatred.
She's been in so much emotional pain and I know you wanted to keep her on the
earth, but she's, she's better with me because she wasn't going to let go of
it.
You guys, my mom wasn't going to let go of it.
She was going to keep circling back around to it.
She had a wound so deep that she wasn't going to let it heal.
Come on.
You guys, please let's not be those people.
Please don't be the person that thinks you have to keep cycling in pain.
Please believe God loves you.
And his love for you has nothing to do with you.
Zero.
It's not about your performance.
It's not about your virtue.
It's not about you.
He loves you because he is love.
He wants to bless you.
Can you receive his blessings even when you don't deserve them?
Can you receive his blessings without having to earn them?
Because you can't earn them.
Some of you are never going to be able to overcome whatever it is that makes
you feel disqualified.
So you just have to be blessed.
disqualified. Can you do it?
Can you do it?
Because I'm just going to tell you, it's a reason why some of you are single.
I'm not trying to condemn you and I'm not trying to shame you,
but you just really don't deep down believe that you can sustain a healthy
relationship.
Some of you have been standing right in front of love and have not been able to
receive it because you've picked it apart simply because you're scared.
You thought it wasn't the right thing simply because you don't believe that you
deserve the real thing.
That's an internal thought. That's an unconscious thought.
None of this is supposed to erase our pain friends,
but it's supposed to help us to identify it and release it. We can't erase it.
We can replace it.
We've got to acknowledge what hurt us and what's still hurting us.
And the hardest part about mother wounds is we love our mothers. I love my mom.
I still love her so, so, so much,
so deeply more than anyone else in my entire life I've ever, ever loved.
So I can't let her be the villain of the story.
I don't want her to be the villain of the story.
Because I do believe in my heart of hearts that she did truly the best she
could with the tools that she had,
but the tools that she had still hurt me.
So you guys, when we have mother wounds,
I want to just lead up,
read off a list that I put together here of some of the things you might develop
if you have a mommy wound. Okay. People pleasing,
people pleasing, anxious attachment,
over-functioning ladies,
especially you over-function in relationships.
You just try to do everything for that person so that they'll never leave.
You don't realize that's what you're doing when you're over-functioning,
when you're making all the plans, when you're doing all the things,
when you're,
you're doing everything so that they don't have to do anything.
It's because you want to make relationship with you so easy that they never even
think about leaving. And that's with your children too.
Stop doing all this stuff for your kids. You're messing them up. I love you,
but you're messing your kids up.
They've got to learn how to do it for themselves. I know you think, Oh,
I just don't want a bad relationship with my children.
And so I'm just going to do anything that they want. Anytime they want it. No,
that's going to backfire on you.
Cause the first time that you're not able to do what they want you to do,
it ain't going to be pretty.
Some people get hyper independent when they have a mother wound like me.
I was off on my own trying to live my best life at 10 years
old on my own. You guys, this is embarrassing to say,
but I'm just going to tell you,
I became so used to my needs being denied as a, as a young child.
I became so used to my needs being denied. I can't, I be,
I became so used to asking for something and not receiving it,
not being told, Oh no, we don't have the money for it. Just not being,
just not, not it, not given to me.
I know when you guys hear my story and you hear about how I went to foster care
in a girl's home, it probably sounds like I was raised poor. I wasn't.
My family was rich. My mom was rich. My mom was married to rich men.
She was married three times before I was 10 years old to millionaires. Okay.
To rich people.
Okay.
But my mom was so distracted that I had holes in my shoes because she just
didn't buy me anything. She didn't go shopping. She didn't do anything.
I'm embarrassed. I'm not embarrassed to say this.
Now I would have been embarrassed to say this, you know,
maybe 20 years ago,
but I became so used to my needs not being fulfilled that I, I, you know,
I'm 10 years old. I'm not going to make any money. I started stealing.
I started stealing you guys.
I started going over my friend's house for sleepovers and taking their stuff.
I started going into the coat room in second grade and stealing people's snacks
because once again, my mother forgot to pack me a lunch.
We had tons of money, but I didn't have a lunch.
We had snack. You guys at like nine 30,
10 o'clock in the morning, there was snack.
There was one part like a short recess and snack time.
You just ate the snack you brought. And then there was lunch.
And that lunch lady knew me.
I will never forget her Mrs. Ross because I would come to her at lunchtime and I'd
be like, I don't have a lunch.
And she'd give me a free lunch and she put it on her little fake IOU.
I don't know. I don't know.
owed that lady hundreds of dollars by the time school was over.
She gave me a lunch.
She didn't know I had a rich family.
She probably thought I was poor.
Mrs. Ross, God bless you.
I know you're in heaven because you were as old as the hills back then.
So bless her, Lord, bless Mrs. Ross, the lunch lady.
But you guys, I started stealing because I became hyper-independent.
And when you're 10 years old, independence looks like stealing because how else are you
going to be independent?
I used to steal money from my grandpa's wallet because he was really old and he had a lot
of money.
I mean, to me, $50 was like a million dollars.
I remember my brother stole $50 from my grandpa.
He was stealing too.
He stole $50 from my grandpa.
He went to Radio Shack.
Remember Radio Shack?
He went to Radio Shack and he bought something and he got busted.
He got busted because he had whatever that was.
And my mom was like, where'd you get this from?
And he's like, oh, a friend gave it to me.
Oh, you know what?
I remember he went to Radio Shack, but then he also went and he bought these fake diamond
earrings from like Gold Circle.
You guys remember Gold Circle?
All right.
He went to Woolworths or whatever and he bought these little fake like women's earrings.
And he took a needle and an ice cube and he pierced his own ear because this was back
in the day, Michael Jackson, George Michaels.
My brother just wanted this big diamond in one of his ears and it got really infected
and my mom freaked out.
Oh, gosh.
Thank you, Lord, for the 80s.
All right.
So women, you're going to develop maybe people pleasing, some over-functioning men.
You're going to just emotionally shut down with mommy wounds.
You're not going to be able to access your emotional center because remember, boys are
supposed to stay with mom until puberty.
You're supposed to learn that it's safe to feel.
Come on, guys, that it's safe to have emotions, that it's safe to have feelings.
So you're going to be emotionally shut down if you didn't get that from mom, if she always
told you to stop crying, to be a man, stop being a baby, if she forced you to become
the man of the family because you didn't have a dad and you just had to skip childhood totally.
And some of you guys have developed distrust of women because of feminine wounds.
Maybe it wasn't mom.
Maybe you have a sister that's really mean to you, bullied you, an older sister.
You know, maybe your first wife, who knows?
You develop a distrust of women when you have feminine wounds.
You develop a fear of vulnerability, guys.
Emotional avoidance, maybe difficulty receiving nurture, receiving someone taking care of
you or helping you.
These are just some of the things that might happen if the first feminine relationships
in your life, regardless of what they were, moms, sisters, friends wounded you.
It affects something so deep, you guys, and we have to stop waiting for closure because
these people, they may still be alive, but they don't have language for what they did
to you.
And a lot of people cannot face what they broke in you because their own identity is
too fragile.
This is what happened to my mom.
The last year of her life, she called me at 10 o'clock at night and she tried to apologize
to me for being a bad mother, but she didn't have language for it.
It was very incomplete.
It definitely wasn't what I wanted to hear from her.
I received it.
I tried to be gracious, even though it was kind of disappointing to finally have her
saying this to me and it to not really be what I wanted to hear, but my mom's identity
was too fragile.
She didn't understand.
Our healing cannot be held hostage to another person's self-awareness.
That other person may never become self-aware enough to really truly give you the apology
or the repentance that you deserve.
We got to forgive them anyway.
For those of you that still have unsafe relationships with some woman in your life, you obviously
don't just, you know, it doesn't mean access, okay?
It doesn't mean that you give them full access when you forgive them.
It doesn't mean removing boundaries.
It doesn't mean denying reality.
When you forgive someone, it doesn't mean reconciliation unless there's healing.
It doesn't mean that there's going to be trust if there's not been any change, okay?
But bitterness has to be let go of.
You need to say, I will not let this wound, I will not let this person's lack of self-awareness,
their lack of identity become my lifelong prison.
Not going to do it.
All right. Let's do some activations here. We have about seven minutes left.
I want you to ask yourself, what did I need emotionally in my life, even if it didn't come
from mom? Because the feminine is what's going to deliver that. What did I need emotionally
that I did not receive? Go ahead and think about that for a second.
What did I need? What kind of nurture did I need that I did not receive?
And when you got something, go ahead and put it in the chat.
And for those of you that are the mothers that you felt like you dropped the ball,
I want you to release that guilt, that regret, that shame, that grief.
Maybe your kids don't talk to you anymore. I want you to forgive yourself during this session.
I want you to release the shame of not doing better because you didn't know to do better.
Just say over yourself, I release the shame of what I did not know.
I forgive myself for the years that I was surviving instead of fully living.
I forgive myself for any way that my pain and my trauma and my fear, my exhaustion,
my insecurity, maybe your addiction, maybe religion, divorce, whatever
affected how you mothered. Forgive yourself this morning.
Repent for it. The words that cut your emotional absence, control. And for those of you that need
to forgive someone else, forgive them of this. The way they criticized, the way they manipulated,
release them to God this morning. For those of you that are the mothers,
release your children to God. I believe your children are going to forgive you. I do.
Release all self-hatred and receive the mercy of God, friends. Receive the love of God. Receive
the healing of God. Receive the wisdom for the future as you walk this stuff out with
these folks because the story is not over. It's not over. For those of you that never got a chance
to mother, release that disappointment. Release your comparison to other women. God has great
things for you. Maybe even release the shame. You feel ashamed that you never got married,
never had any children. Release it. God wants to fill that void. He wants to fill that space.
If you'll let him, he will. For those of you that are still hoping to have children,
release the timeline. Stop fretting over it. Stop fearing it. Stop obsessing over it.
Let it go. God knows. Renounce the lie that you've been forgotten. Renounce the lie that
you're lesser than or that you're behind. Renounce it this morning. Renounce it. It's a lie.
Release the trust that no part of your story has been wasted.
I want you to say right now, God, I trust you with my future. I trust you with my future, God.
I trust you.
You have good things for me. You're going to fulfill my desire to mother.
You're going to restore my children to me. For those of you that are estranged from them or
they're mad at you or something's happening, you're going to restore my family. You're going
to bring reconciliation. Yes, I'm healing and my children are off somewhere healing too,
and they are going to be healed. For those of you that are needing to forgive someone that's hurt
you, you're releasing them today. You're releasing them for what they didn't know, what they couldn't
do, what they could have never given you, and you're breaking agreement with the lies that
you believe because of that deficit. Right now, come on, break agreement with the lie that you're
unwanted. Break agreement with the lie that you must earn love somehow. Guys, break the agreement
with the lie that vulnerability is unsafe. You can emote. You've been created to emote.
You can be vulnerable. Women are trustworthy. Women are safe.
Break agreement with the lie that you're going to be abandoned,
that your value depends on performance.
Come on, everyone.
Let's receive the truth that we are loved.
We are chosen.
We are seen.
We are safe.
We are secure in God.
We are secure in you.
Guys, secure attachment just means that you know that you are accepted in the beloved,
that you are his.
You know who you are and whose you are.
That's how you're going to become securely attached to humans.
You have to first and foremost be securely attached to your identity in Christ, not based
on your performance, not based on doing things right, not based on making the right decisions
in the past, present or future, but based on the finished work of the cross of Jesus
Christ.
That is your identity.
That is your full identity based on what Jesus did for you and as you on that cross.
If you will believe this, if you will receive it, and you guys, it's not a one and done.
It's every day.
If you will believe it and you will receive it every day, you will find your relationship
with humans changing.
You can even say, yeah, you know, God, I dropped the ball.
I shouldn't have done that.
I shouldn't have said that, but I still know that I'm accepted in the beloved.
I know that you don't love me any less.
This might hurt your feelings, you guys, but God can't love you any more than he already
does and he also can't love you any less.
If you think that you're going to do things that are going to, you know, win God's heart,
you already won God's heart.
If you think that you're going to do all the right things and you're going to make the
right decisions, you're just going to be the best person you can be and you're just going
to make God fall more and more in love with you.
That's impossible.
God literally cannot love you any more than he already does and he literally cannot love
you any less than he already does.
His love is static.
It's constant.
It is not waxing and waning like the moon.
It doesn't get bigger with your good behavior and get lesser with your bad behavior.
It is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Come on, it's true.
If you can't believe that, you can't believe anything because it is what everything else
is based on.
I wrote a song about it, one of the first songs I ever wrote.
I asked you guys, I've written a couple of little ditties, but it just says, this love,
it's not waxing, it's not waning, it's never changing.
And it just keeps going.
It just keeps repeating.
I don't remember the tune.
This love, it's not waxing, it's not waning, it's never changing.
Just a little ditty.
Sing it over yourself.
Come on.
Elsie, God loves you.
You guys know the Bible says that God thinks about us so much.
His thoughts of us are more than every grain of sand on every beach in the world.
And I've had at least a million grains of sand stuck to my butt after getting off the
beach.
And I'm telling you, that's an infinite number, more than the stars in the sky, more than
the grains on the beach, you guys, are His good thoughts of you, not just His thoughts
of you, His good thoughts of you.
He loves you so, so, so much.
And He wants to be both mother and father to you if you will allow that to happen.
And I know we're a couple of minutes over and I do not care.
Let Him heal you.
Be secure in His love so that you can be secure in human love.
Because when you believe and know that God loves you like this, nobody can hurt you.
Yeah, you'll be disappointed in behavior and you'll wish that it was different, but you
will not grieve it like you used to.
You will not let it affect your identity like you used to.
You won't.
Because you will know the only love that truly matters, that is eternal, that is eternal,
loves you fully and completely.
Now, for those of you that still have a mother left on the earth, and I don't care if she
was a good mother or a bad mother, part of you restoring your bloodline and part of you
guys being where whatever hurts you ends with you.
It stops with you, the rejection, the abandonment, the shame, all the things, the grief, the
caring of distrust and insecurity.
It's you going into that stinking card shop and buying a card that's the best card.
And yes, every single word on it is not true about your mom and I don't care.
You're going to send it to her in the mail and you're going to bless her because you're
going to speak to her higher identity, not the identity that she's been stuck in and
living in.
I.
Even if you have no contact,
it doesn't mean you have to have a phone call.
It doesn't mean you have to go over for brunch.
It just means you're gonna send in the mail a card
that is going to call her up and bless her,
even if you never see her again on the earth,
even if it's never possible.
I don't care.
To the best mom.
To the best mom ever.
My mom asked me that question.
She asked me that question while she was dying.
She said, was I a good mom?
I said, yes, you were the best mom.
My only regret is that I didn't say it sooner.
Cause maybe she could've had some more peace.
Because you guys, I just wanna let you know something.
People don't need to hear what they did wrong.
They know what they did wrong.
They need to hear what they did right.
So find something that they did right and celebrate it.
They did something right.
They didn't abort you.
How about that?
Let's start there.
Find something they did right and celebrate it
because they know what they did wrong.
So Father God, we're so thankful
that you are both mother and father
and that you never leave us or forsake us.
That it's impossible because you've written us
on your hands and every single moment of our lives,
your good thoughts towards us are more than anything
that we could ever even comprehend.
Your love for us goes so far beyond
your love for us goes so much deeper than that.
And so Lord, I pray today that we get delivered
from the idea that we are performing for your love,
that we are earning your love
and that we are able to receive it every single day
without merit, God, without earning God,
without deserving Lord, and that we are able
to have that love flow through us to others.
Whatever you are to us, we will be to others, Lord.
And so we pray now, God, that we will be a conduit
of your endless and your unfailing love,
never waxing, never waning,
and never changing in Jesus' name, amen.
I love y'all, happy Mother's Day.