WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:27.000 Hello, and welcome. Hi. Hi. Hi. People are going to start logging in. Some of you are already here. It's great to see you all. Hi, Rebecca. Hi, Jessica, Shekinah, Beth, and Haley are here with us. And I'm sure more people will join here shortly. 2 00:00:27.000 --> 00:00:42.000 It's good to see you all tonight. If more of y'all can come on camera, it would be awesome to see you. Hi. I have a couple of housekeeping things, so I'm going to go ahead and start to talk about those, and then I'll welcome additional people as they join. 3 00:00:42.000 --> 00:01:11.000 So tonight, just a reminder, this is one of the ones I do every now and then, just that our best practice, what we recommend when you're in the heart work process is that you all would press pause on dating, on trying to meet guys during this time, so that you can focus on your heart healing and the main things that will help you, what we believe, divinely and supernaturally accelerate in your life in every area in the days ahead. 4 00:01:11.000 --> 00:01:26.000 And so when we don't have our focus on the man, even though we know that you guys, most of you, not all of you, but most of you have come here because you're believing for a spirit mate, which we're cheering that love story on. We believe in your love story. 5 00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:51.000 But we also know that the heart work works, and it's what helps you step into a healthy relationship in the future. And so we're so glad that you're here, that you're learning, but we want to make sure that you guys are really leaning into really resisting distractions, even men, old guys popping up. That happens all the time when people step into heart work. 6 00:01:51.000 --> 00:02:12.000 I used to tell people that literally when I would be doing heart work sessions, my spiritual daughter's dad would text and it wouldn't even be about like us always, like, it wouldn't be like him saying we should get back together. He would try to use the girls and stuff about the girls to get my attention and draw me into conversation. And that happened a lot. 7 00:02:12.000 --> 00:02:33.000 And so I had to learn how to just ignore all that stuff and not get distracted when I would be on heart work sessions. So maybe for you, it's not that maybe it's another kind of distraction. Maybe you're someone that, you know, maybe you have enmeshment or codependency going on with your parents or siblings or friends, and they're blowing up your phone when you're on sessions. 8 00:02:34.000 --> 00:02:45.000 I want to give you just the absolute permission to totally unplug from all of that because you're here to receive, to heal, to grow, and to launch forward into what God has for you. 9 00:02:46.000 --> 00:03:02.000 If you did not know this, we have an announcements tab in the app. So when you log into the Last Year Single app, you're going to see announcements. That's one of the tabs in there. Anything that we announce or that's going on, any of the activations, as soon as those are posted, we're going to pin those. 10 00:03:02.000 --> 00:03:17.000 And when we pin those, when you click on that announcement tab, it's going to show you those like all right. Excuse me. Sorry, my nose is a little stuffy tonight. It'll show you all those right in order. And you won't have to scroll through other people's posts to see them. 11 00:03:17.000 --> 00:03:32.000 And then I want to encourage you all to listen to Supernatural Saturday. It's titled Pain is Not My Identity, but it was very centered around overcoming mother wounds and how those impact our identity, our attachment styles, all kinds of stuff. 12 00:03:32.000 --> 00:03:53.000 And then actually, I'll look. We were going to put up, we don't always record Sunday nights, you all, but last night's Sunday night activation, really powerful. I was not able to be there for the whole thing, but I've heard a great deal about it. I want to encourage you all to check that out. If you have time, I'm just looking to see if the replay is up. 13 00:03:54.000 --> 00:04:11.000 If my Wi-Fi. Yeah. Okay, cool. So they're both there under the Replays tab. Check those out. And really just, you know, even Jackie was saying today to our team that even if we just have the Sunday night activation playing, you know, while we were working, it would be worth us listening to. 14 00:04:11.000 --> 00:04:26.000 So whether even if you're driving now, some of you, if you've had a lot of mother wounds, I probably recommend the first time listening to it when you're stationary somewhere, just because you might need to process some things and we want you to be safe while you're driving. 15 00:04:26.000 --> 00:04:49.000 Okay, so here's one of my last housekeeping. This is kind of like an activation. So I'm going to put it up as like a listed activation tonight during our live session, but I already posted the activation for this week, the post. So you won't see it in the post, but I want to encourage you all to do something fun this week to get out and do something fun this week. 16 00:04:49.000 --> 00:04:59.000 Because here's the reality. When we're processing heart work or wounds from the past, it stirs up a lot of stuff in our body and we need to also have fun. 17 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.400 to kind of like even us out, to balance out what we're working on. 18 00:05:04.400 --> 00:05:06.700 So be intentional to do something fun. 19 00:05:06.700 --> 00:05:10.200 Maybe go for a hike, explore somewhere new that you've never been. 20 00:05:10.200 --> 00:05:13.200 Maybe go to a town, maybe swing on a swing, 21 00:05:13.200 --> 00:05:16.900 and kind of reconnect with the little girl inside of yourself. 22 00:05:16.900 --> 00:05:19.500 Maybe you want to watch a funny movie. 23 00:05:19.500 --> 00:05:22.000 So that's not necessarily getting out of your house, 24 00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:25.200 but maybe if you go to a movie theater, it would be. 25 00:05:25.800 --> 00:05:31.300 So this is vital to our healing journey 26 00:05:31.300 --> 00:05:34.300 because, you know, you want to think about the scripture 27 00:05:34.300 --> 00:05:36.300 that talks about laughter is good medicine. 28 00:05:36.300 --> 00:05:39.200 So that's that Proverbs 17, 22. 29 00:05:39.200 --> 00:05:43.600 A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. 30 00:05:43.600 --> 00:05:45.900 So many of us, when we go through hard things, 31 00:05:45.900 --> 00:05:49.100 we shut down, we isolate, we withdraw. 32 00:05:49.100 --> 00:05:52.100 And so when we're activating the fun side of us, 33 00:05:52.100 --> 00:05:57.100 what's happening is we're also allowing God to percolate some of that other stuff. 34 00:05:57.100 --> 00:06:01.100 So you will find as you're having revealings for healing 35 00:06:01.100 --> 00:06:05.500 and then go do fun stuff, it's going to kind of like activate even more. 36 00:06:05.500 --> 00:06:07.800 Some of you guys are going to connect with sides of yourself 37 00:06:07.800 --> 00:06:09.900 that you haven't in a long time. 38 00:06:09.900 --> 00:06:13.700 So maybe, I just kind of heard this in my spirit, 39 00:06:13.700 --> 00:06:16.000 some of you need to just skip. 40 00:06:16.000 --> 00:06:18.100 I know that sounds like such a small thing, 41 00:06:18.100 --> 00:06:21.000 but like when you're on a walk instead of just, you know, 42 00:06:21.000 --> 00:06:24.500 being on the walk to kind of skip and like, 43 00:06:24.500 --> 00:06:28.600 I don't know, just again, like it's like that little kid spirit in us. 44 00:06:28.600 --> 00:06:30.900 Have a little bit of fun on your journey. 45 00:06:30.900 --> 00:06:32.000 All right, let me pray for us. 46 00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:34.300 We're going to dive into the content tonight. 47 00:06:34.300 --> 00:06:39.100 Father, thank you so much for everything that you're doing. 48 00:06:39.100 --> 00:06:41.500 God, I thank you for the little things. 49 00:06:41.500 --> 00:06:42.900 I thank you for the big things. 50 00:06:42.900 --> 00:06:45.900 I thank you for everything in between. 51 00:06:45.900 --> 00:06:49.100 God, we ask you to reveal areas for healing. 52 00:06:49.200 --> 00:06:52.400 Lord, bring the unknown things to the surface. 53 00:06:52.400 --> 00:06:55.400 We don't know what we don't know until we know it. 54 00:06:55.400 --> 00:06:57.600 God, thank you that you'll bring the things that are needed 55 00:06:57.600 --> 00:07:01.200 and necessary for movement forward in every one of these ladies' lives 56 00:07:01.200 --> 00:07:03.600 to the surface tonight and in the days to come. 57 00:07:03.600 --> 00:07:06.700 We thank you for divine connections. 58 00:07:06.700 --> 00:07:10.000 Yeah, Lord, and just revelation and insight from heaven above. 59 00:07:10.000 --> 00:07:12.300 Lord, I ask you to comfort ladies tonight too 60 00:07:12.300 --> 00:07:14.000 and just help them to feel safe, 61 00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:17.000 help them to feel challenged to get out of their comfort zone. 62 00:07:17.000 --> 00:07:20.100 Lord, we ask you to take in everything that they're going to hear 63 00:07:20.100 --> 00:07:22.300 and allow it to take root in their hearts. 64 00:07:22.300 --> 00:07:26.000 Lord, that it would produce fruit a hundredfold in their lives. 65 00:07:26.000 --> 00:07:28.300 We just thank you, Holy Spirit, for being here, 66 00:07:28.300 --> 00:07:30.700 being our comforter, our counselor, our guide, 67 00:07:30.700 --> 00:07:34.500 and that you're our ever-present help at all times and in all situations 68 00:07:34.500 --> 00:07:37.500 and even tonight. In Jesus' name, amen. 69 00:07:37.500 --> 00:07:42.200 So tonight we are talking, which I should pause and say, 70 00:07:42.200 --> 00:07:45.600 welcome to the additional ladies that have joined since I've been chatting. 71 00:07:45.600 --> 00:07:48.700 Hello, hello, hello. It's so great to see you all. 72 00:07:48.700 --> 00:07:51.500 If you can come on camera, we would love to see you here. 73 00:07:51.500 --> 00:07:56.000 If you're joining us new, this is your first time you've ever been here. 74 00:07:56.000 --> 00:07:59.300 Would love for you to go ahead and say hi to us. 75 00:07:59.300 --> 00:08:01.900 Let us know it's your first time so we can welcome you. 76 00:08:01.900 --> 00:08:04.300 For all of my ladies rejoining, welcome back. 77 00:08:04.300 --> 00:08:06.300 It's awesome to have you here with us. 78 00:08:06.300 --> 00:08:10.000 What an awesome investment you are. 79 00:08:10.000 --> 00:08:14.900 Did you know that you are your best investment? 80 00:08:14.900 --> 00:08:17.200 Why don't you kind of let that sink in? 81 00:08:17.200 --> 00:08:20.600 You are your best investment. 82 00:08:20.600 --> 00:08:22.900 And even for those of you that have kids, 83 00:08:22.900 --> 00:08:27.600 you know, in our Christian churches and society, a lot of times people, 84 00:08:27.600 --> 00:08:32.799 you know, it's like we think we, if we think about ourselves too much, it's selfish. 85 00:08:32.799 --> 00:08:36.600 And I'm not saying you want to be selfish or think about yourself too much. 86 00:08:36.600 --> 00:08:42.799 But what I'm saying right now is that some of you have been in very religious teachings. 87 00:08:42.900 --> 00:08:45.900 You've been in very abusive kind of environments. 88 00:08:45.900 --> 00:08:51.100 And heaven forbid you think about yourself. 89 00:08:51.100 --> 00:08:55.900 So on this journey of heartwork, I want you not to be selfish in a mean way, 90 00:08:55.900 --> 00:09:00.100 but I want you to be kind of selfish a little bit with your time, 91 00:09:00.100 --> 00:09:07.500 with who you are to understand that, you know, the more that you take care of yourself, 92 00:09:07.500 --> 00:09:10.900 what's going to happen organically is a trickle-down effect. 93 00:09:10.900 --> 00:09:12.500 Trickle down, trickle out. 94 00:09:12.500 --> 00:09:19.100 It's going to impact everyone that you are around, including your children, if you are parents. 95 00:09:19.100 --> 00:09:25.800 And so I want to encourage you to really lean into what is God trying to do in you in this season? 96 00:09:25.800 --> 00:09:30.400 And where is he trying to lead you? 97 00:09:30.400 --> 00:09:34.800 Where is he trying to lead you? Not just at like five years in the future, 98 00:09:34.800 --> 00:09:38.000 like just right now, just today. 99 00:09:38.000 --> 00:09:43.600 Some of you are going to get overwhelmed because you're trying to think of two things too far, 100 00:09:43.600 --> 00:09:46.000 like a head, even in the heartwork. 101 00:09:46.000 --> 00:09:50.400 So all I want you to do is every day ask the Lord, 102 00:09:50.400 --> 00:09:54.100 what is one thing I can do in my heartwork journey today? 103 00:09:54.100 --> 00:09:58.000 Now some of you are going to be able to do multiple things. 104 00:09:58.000 --> 00:10:00.000 And some of you are only going to have the capacity. 105 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:05.360 on that day to do one thing, but it's better to do one thing than to do nothing on your 106 00:10:05.360 --> 00:10:11.200 heartwork journey, okay? And that includes the reading the book, ladies, that includes the videos. 107 00:10:12.320 --> 00:10:17.680 You know, I never understand, and when I say this, I don't want anyone to feel judged by this, 108 00:10:17.680 --> 00:10:22.320 but I never understand why any of us, myself included, I did not do this with the heartwork, 109 00:10:22.320 --> 00:10:27.280 but I've done this with other things. We pay for things, and then we only do them halfway, 110 00:10:27.280 --> 00:10:34.080 or sometimes we don't even show up at all. Isn't that crazy? We're our best investment. So, 111 00:10:34.640 --> 00:10:39.360 remember that as you're moving forward. Tonight, we're talking about confession and repentance. 112 00:10:40.640 --> 00:10:46.960 In particular, I want you to understand that when we do things, whether they were things 113 00:10:46.960 --> 00:10:51.040 in the past or even right now, if there are things you're struggling with in your current 114 00:10:51.600 --> 00:10:59.840 season, we don't always know why we do what we do, but God knows the why behind the what. I want you 115 00:10:59.840 --> 00:11:04.880 to kind of think about Paul's example. He's like, you know, why do I keep doing the things I don't 116 00:11:04.880 --> 00:11:11.120 want to do? He's, you know, he's battling this thorn in the flesh, if you will, and we all have those. 117 00:11:11.120 --> 00:11:17.360 We all have thorns in the flesh. We all have struggles. God knows the why behind your what. He 118 00:11:17.360 --> 00:11:21.600 knows why you're doing what you're doing. Some of you, he knows why you're getting stuck in 119 00:11:21.600 --> 00:11:27.600 repetitive cycles of attracting really unhealthy people, getting caught in abusive situations, 120 00:11:27.600 --> 00:11:32.960 and staying there because you convince yourself you don't deserve anything better. 121 00:11:35.760 --> 00:11:39.680 And you might not think of it that way, but that's literally what's happening. 122 00:11:39.680 --> 00:11:46.800 When we get stuck in those cycles, or maybe they're not abusive, they just want to be sexual, 123 00:11:46.800 --> 00:11:54.320 literally within a few weeks of meeting you. This is real stuff, right, that a lot of people are 124 00:11:54.320 --> 00:12:00.640 dealing with. Ladies, you do not have to settle. There is not a shortage of good men. I know the 125 00:12:00.640 --> 00:12:07.920 devil wants you to think that, but there isn't. God is healing men all over the earth. If you don't 126 00:12:07.920 --> 00:12:13.520 believe that, I'm going to encourage you to really pray into that and ask God to shift your perspective 127 00:12:13.520 --> 00:12:20.640 of how capable he is. He's raising up Davids, and Jonathans, and Calebs, and Moses, and all 128 00:12:20.640 --> 00:12:26.720 these people that were leaders. And Davids made mistakes. Here's the reality. We all make 129 00:12:26.720 --> 00:12:34.240 mistakes. But the reason I'm saying that to you is because we want you to believe that you deserve 130 00:12:34.240 --> 00:12:39.200 God's best. Now, I'm not talking about a big long list where no man is ever going to be able to 131 00:12:39.200 --> 00:12:46.400 measure up to those things. What I am talking about is that you would learn how to trust that 132 00:12:46.400 --> 00:12:54.000 God is not going to put you with a man that wants you to have sex with him outside of marriage, okay? 133 00:12:56.080 --> 00:13:02.320 So, maybe that's not your struggle either. But whatever our struggle is, God knows why we're 134 00:13:02.320 --> 00:13:09.200 doing what we're doing. And the why is really important. It's important for us to lean on him 135 00:13:09.200 --> 00:13:17.120 and rely on God to reveal these areas for healing. Why would we want to live underneath the level of 136 00:13:17.120 --> 00:13:24.160 God's best for us in any area? Even today, you all, I had something pop up and I'm like, 137 00:13:24.800 --> 00:13:32.960 where is this? Why is this happening? Jackie texted me and said, hey, can you talk in like 138 00:13:32.960 --> 00:13:39.200 10 minutes? And I'm like, yeah. But as soon as I said, yes, I started worrying. What does she 139 00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:43.520 want to talk about? Did I do something wrong? Like, is this going to be a good conversation 140 00:13:43.520 --> 00:13:48.320 or not? And it's not like Jackie and I have a great relationship. The reason I'm mentioning 141 00:13:48.320 --> 00:13:56.000 it to you is I realized the enemy was trying to get me into panic and anxiety about something that 142 00:13:56.000 --> 00:14:04.720 wasn't even there. It wasn't even there. But where is that coming from? Right? I have to be willing 143 00:14:04.720 --> 00:14:10.160 to look at that. Just like we encourage you all to do this stuff. We're doing heartwork all the 144 00:14:10.160 --> 00:14:15.440 time. Y'all would not believe when I stepped into being a heartwork coach, it was like constant. 145 00:14:15.440 --> 00:14:20.400 It's just always, there's just always revealings for healing happening because the more I'm coaching 146 00:14:20.400 --> 00:14:26.080 about it, the more these things are being revealed and stirred up. And so I want you to know that the 147 00:14:26.080 --> 00:14:32.320 Holy Spirit is our comforter as I pray tonight. He's our counselor. He's our guide. Ladies, the 148 00:14:32.320 --> 00:14:39.840 goal isn't to rush through this program. Yes, it is set to be about five weeks. That's what we kind 149 00:14:39.840 --> 00:14:48.240 of set it up. For some of you, you need to be in here a lot longer. You do. I don't want you to 150 00:14:48.240 --> 00:14:55.600 stay here forever, but I want you to understand that just getting through and rushing through 151 00:14:55.600 --> 00:14:59.840 is not going to help you. It's not. It could. 152 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.880 hurt you. And so if you are someone where you're just really processing a lot and you know that 153 00:15:04.880 --> 00:15:10.800 you are, give yourself a little bit extra time. Maybe it's two weeks extra. I don't know. Some 154 00:15:10.800 --> 00:15:16.160 people have felt led to kind of go back and redo the coursework and do an additional five weeks. 155 00:15:16.800 --> 00:15:21.760 Some people have been here longer. Now again, we don't want people camping out here in the ICU, 156 00:15:21.760 --> 00:15:29.440 if you will, long term. But I want you to rely on the Holy Spirit in your healing process. 157 00:15:29.440 --> 00:15:36.080 He knows what you need. He knows where you are, and he knows how to get you what you need. 158 00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:42.320 But it's whether or not we will trust him in the process. And I'm going to tell you what, 159 00:15:42.320 --> 00:15:46.480 as soon as I start talking to you guys about this, the enemy is going to try to convince you, 160 00:15:46.480 --> 00:15:51.760 whether it's tonight or in this next week, that your literal time clock is running out, 161 00:15:51.760 --> 00:15:56.640 especially those of you. If you're like me, you haven't had a baby yet, you want a baby. 162 00:15:56.640 --> 00:16:00.480 And so you feel this, like, I got to hurry and get the guy. I got to get the guy. I got to get 163 00:16:00.480 --> 00:16:05.920 the guy. Because the enemy is trying to convince you that your time clock is running out. It's 164 00:16:05.920 --> 00:16:13.600 clicking. It's ticking, ticking, ticking. You don't have time. Same thing happens for our ladies that 165 00:16:13.600 --> 00:16:20.560 are significantly older in our group. I want to encourage you to really resist that stuff, 166 00:16:21.520 --> 00:16:27.600 because God has a good plan for you, and what he has for you is going to be on time. 167 00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:39.120 Okay? It's going to be on time. Even if, you know, we fear, like, oh, what if, what if I, 168 00:16:39.120 --> 00:16:44.560 God's telling me to move, and he's telling me to move forward, and I miss it. You can't 169 00:16:44.960 --> 00:16:53.120 miss your spirit mate. Spoiler alert, you can't. God will help you. He'll continue to work with 170 00:16:53.120 --> 00:17:00.640 you. Some of you, even if you make mistakes, self-sabotage a relationship, God will help you 171 00:17:01.440 --> 00:17:04.960 be redirected to meet someone that is going to be amazing for you. 172 00:17:06.480 --> 00:17:11.920 So why am I talking about this during confession and repentance? Because some of you need to confess 173 00:17:12.560 --> 00:17:16.720 your hurts, habits, and hang-ups. These things that you're just, you keep ruminating over these 174 00:17:16.720 --> 00:17:21.920 things, and you believe these lies and partner with them, and it just keeps you stuck in the cycle 175 00:17:22.720 --> 00:17:29.120 that you're in right now. Some of you have unconfessed sin that you've been hiding for a 176 00:17:29.120 --> 00:17:37.440 long time. When I tell you all that I've had people time and time again say, I've never told 177 00:17:37.440 --> 00:17:44.800 anybody this. I'm not making that up just to sound good as a coach. It has literally happened 178 00:17:45.360 --> 00:17:49.200 over and over and over again. I've been coaching five and a half years in here. 179 00:17:51.040 --> 00:17:59.600 No matter what your story is, it's not too much for God, okay? And this is a safe place for you 180 00:17:59.600 --> 00:18:04.480 to share. So tonight, here are some examples of the why behind the what. I've already been talking 181 00:18:04.480 --> 00:18:10.640 about some of these, but I'm going to kind of go down this list as well. Insecurity. You know, 182 00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:17.280 does insecurity rear its head every time you turn around? And you all, insecurity isn't just when 183 00:18:17.280 --> 00:18:24.240 other women around. That does happen too. Or, you know, people getting jealous. If you struggle with 184 00:18:24.240 --> 00:18:31.040 a lot of jealousy, you all, underneath of that is insecurity. But insecurity kind of showed up in me 185 00:18:31.040 --> 00:18:38.640 today, didn't it? It was just partnered with anxiety, insecurity, and fear that something was wrong. 186 00:18:39.680 --> 00:18:42.480 The other shoe's going to drop because things have been going really good. 187 00:18:44.080 --> 00:18:51.680 Underneath of that is fear and insecurity and something, okay? I'm going to keep going. Self-hatred. 188 00:18:52.480 --> 00:18:58.240 And some of you will be like, well, I don't hate myself. Well, the reality is, is that many people 189 00:18:58.240 --> 00:19:05.040 hate a lot of other people. Literally. We say, I hate them. But do you know that you can't hate 190 00:19:05.040 --> 00:19:12.640 other people if you don't hate yourself first? It's, that's truth. We typically don't like things 191 00:19:12.640 --> 00:19:18.000 about ourself and come to places of hatred, deep hatred within ourselves. And then those things 192 00:19:18.000 --> 00:19:24.240 cause us to actually hate things and other people. I'm not saying we're not going to dislike things 193 00:19:24.240 --> 00:19:31.120 that people say or do, but when we step to the fact of, of thinking or meditating on, man, I hate them. 194 00:19:33.280 --> 00:19:37.840 There's, that's, that's just not something God wants for us. That, that, that is, you know, the 195 00:19:37.840 --> 00:19:43.760 scripture, Psalm 51, that talks about creating me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit 196 00:19:43.760 --> 00:19:51.200 in me. Like we, we want, I hope that you all want all of the stuff that doesn't represent God in 197 00:19:51.200 --> 00:19:58.400 your heart to be removed from there. And sometimes that's a painful process. It's really looking at 198 00:19:58.400 --> 00:19:59.840 all the intricate details of your. 199 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.800 yourself, what you think, what, you know, what you believe about yourself. 200 00:20:03.800 --> 00:20:08.960 Remember what we believe we become and what we become, we attract. 201 00:20:10.360 --> 00:20:12.120 Overeating is another one. 202 00:20:12.360 --> 00:20:14.920 Do you struggle with overeating your emotions? 203 00:20:14.920 --> 00:20:18.160 You know, when you're sad and you're just eating and eating and eating, 204 00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:21.200 and you don't even know why anyone else ever done that? 205 00:20:21.920 --> 00:20:23.360 Like I've done that. 206 00:20:23.760 --> 00:20:26.760 I've literally said, I don't even know why I'm eating this. 207 00:20:26.800 --> 00:20:27.960 I'm not even hungry. 208 00:20:28.920 --> 00:20:33.120 And then I would catch like, oh, and it doesn't even have to be that, 209 00:20:33.120 --> 00:20:34.920 that day that something bad happened. 210 00:20:34.920 --> 00:20:38.520 Do you guys know when I tend to see it the most when something a few days 211 00:20:38.520 --> 00:20:44.200 before happened and I didn't have time to process that thing? 212 00:20:45.200 --> 00:20:49.400 Well, then it shows up in those lack of boundaries, potentially regarding 213 00:20:49.400 --> 00:20:54.360 eating or binge watching, because those things are still in there. 214 00:20:54.360 --> 00:20:55.880 Maybe it's gossiping. 215 00:20:57.000 --> 00:21:02.280 If you're someone that really loves that morsel about somebody, something, 216 00:21:02.480 --> 00:21:04.160 y'all let's look at that as well. 217 00:21:04.360 --> 00:21:08.000 Negative self-talk or thought patterns, sexual related struggles, which I 218 00:21:08.000 --> 00:21:12.760 touched on a little bit ago, sex before marriage, porn addictions, lust, 219 00:21:12.760 --> 00:21:15.360 getting caught into lust cycles. 220 00:21:15.760 --> 00:21:16.240 Yes. 221 00:21:16.240 --> 00:21:18.920 We talk about masturbation included with that. 222 00:21:18.920 --> 00:21:21.400 You all, that is not God's plan for us. 223 00:21:21.400 --> 00:21:23.160 I'm not going to go into what's okay. 224 00:21:23.160 --> 00:21:24.160 What's not okay. 225 00:21:24.440 --> 00:21:27.840 You all, this is about you praying and asking the Holy spirit. 226 00:21:27.840 --> 00:21:31.080 What is okay for you in alignment with God's word? 227 00:21:31.320 --> 00:21:31.840 Okay. 228 00:21:32.400 --> 00:21:32.960 All right. 229 00:21:33.320 --> 00:21:34.840 Struggles with authority. 230 00:21:34.840 --> 00:21:39.960 Are you someone that just, no matter what you just rebel and like just resist 231 00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:42.600 any kind of authority over you? 232 00:21:43.520 --> 00:21:45.680 You know, we see this show up as well. 233 00:21:46.160 --> 00:21:50.160 Um, you all, um, this is a more subtle way, but this does show up. 234 00:21:50.920 --> 00:21:57.240 When coaches are, people are giving you feedback and you just don't listen to it. 235 00:21:57.920 --> 00:21:59.200 Like you just resist it. 236 00:21:59.560 --> 00:22:02.520 And it's not that you're, you're even intentionally doing that. 237 00:22:02.520 --> 00:22:05.800 Your subconscious is rejecting it. 238 00:22:09.000 --> 00:22:13.760 I I've coached so many people where literally as I'm coaching, everything 239 00:22:13.760 --> 00:22:17.920 they're saying back, I can immediately tell they are not receiving anything. 240 00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:21.280 I don't get mad at people because I know why it's happening. 241 00:22:22.320 --> 00:22:25.240 There's something in them that needs healed. 242 00:22:25.680 --> 00:22:31.400 So they need revelation of something that is down inside that causes them to rebel 243 00:22:31.760 --> 00:22:36.880 and resist and push away anything and anyone that could help them love them, 244 00:22:36.880 --> 00:22:39.080 be there for them and really lead them to freedom. 245 00:22:39.720 --> 00:22:40.080 All right. 246 00:22:40.080 --> 00:22:41.120 Here's my last one. 247 00:22:42.080 --> 00:22:47.800 Angry on the inside, angry on the outside, angry on the inside, angry on the 248 00:22:47.800 --> 00:22:53.280 inside, so maybe you just do on things all the time or angry outbursts. 249 00:22:53.280 --> 00:23:00.720 Some of you all really struggle with verbally being angry, road rage, you know, 250 00:23:01.360 --> 00:23:03.920 being mean to your kids or other people. 251 00:23:05.280 --> 00:23:10.720 And hopefully it doesn't go and escalate into any kind of physical, you know, 252 00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:15.360 things with your children or other people, but there's grace for you 253 00:23:15.360 --> 00:23:16.920 too, if that's happening. 254 00:23:16.960 --> 00:23:17.240 Okay. 255 00:23:17.240 --> 00:23:18.960 We want you to know that you're not alone. 256 00:23:18.960 --> 00:23:22.680 We want you to heal from those things and come out of that. 257 00:23:23.760 --> 00:23:27.160 So instead of us just accepting these things into our lives, like this is just 258 00:23:27.160 --> 00:23:32.880 how I am, I don't know if you guys have ever thought that, or even maybe if you 259 00:23:32.880 --> 00:23:38.360 haven't thought it, maybe you heard your parents or someone say it, that you've 260 00:23:38.360 --> 00:23:40.240 been around, this is just how I am. 261 00:23:40.680 --> 00:23:42.760 They just need to accept me for the way I am. 262 00:23:42.960 --> 00:23:48.040 We have women in here that, and y'all, when I say this, okay, understand that 263 00:23:48.040 --> 00:23:51.600 in the last few years here, I moved into Florida in the last few years, I've 264 00:23:51.600 --> 00:23:54.400 probably, I'm like, it's really tough to say it out loud. 265 00:23:54.600 --> 00:23:56.280 I think I've gained like 80 pounds. 266 00:23:56.320 --> 00:23:57.280 It's really crazy. 267 00:23:57.760 --> 00:24:01.640 I don't like, I was on a lot of like fertility vitamins and supplements, and 268 00:24:01.640 --> 00:24:04.760 it just really wreaked havoc on me in so many ways. 269 00:24:05.840 --> 00:24:08.200 And, uh, I haven't been as active. 270 00:24:08.200 --> 00:24:09.160 I work from home. 271 00:24:09.160 --> 00:24:12.560 I got to change that up a little bit more, but I'm saying that to you 272 00:24:12.560 --> 00:24:15.240 to say this, I'm working on it. 273 00:24:15.640 --> 00:24:22.360 And what I recognize is that I also started falling into patterns of my 274 00:24:22.360 --> 00:24:25.320 mom, things my mom has done. 275 00:24:26.080 --> 00:24:29.000 And so we want to look at what it, what's going on. 276 00:24:29.040 --> 00:24:31.480 Where are we just accepting this? 277 00:24:31.840 --> 00:24:35.720 Like, this is just how I am, or, oh, I know where I was going with that too. 278 00:24:35.960 --> 00:24:39.800 I was saying that because I want you guys to know I'm saying this with grace 279 00:24:39.840 --> 00:24:43.400 because I've gained weight and I know it's not easy when like you go to 280 00:24:43.400 --> 00:24:45.240 somebody and they just think you're just gorging. 281 00:24:45.240 --> 00:24:46.960 Like I don't gorge on food all the time. 282 00:24:47.080 --> 00:24:47.840 I really don't. 283 00:24:48.240 --> 00:24:53.000 Um, and so I had this, uh, guy was giving me a pedicure the other day and I was 284 00:24:53.000 --> 00:24:54.920 talking to him cause he, he's very good. 285 00:24:54.920 --> 00:24:58.080 He, he knows how to help like your body kind of circulate and all 286 00:24:58.080 --> 00:24:59.280 this stuff, like in your legs. 287 00:24:59.840 --> 00:25:00.040 Yeah. 288 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:08.520 And he's like, you know, I was talking to him about weight loss and I was, he's Asian ethnicity, um, and his language, his English is, is okay. 289 00:25:08.840 --> 00:25:12.300 And so sometimes I'll say things and he doesn't fully understand what I'm saying. 290 00:25:13.220 --> 00:25:16.680 And so sometimes there's a little bit of a language barrier, um, between us. 291 00:25:16.700 --> 00:25:22.120 And I was talking to him about it and he's like, just, just eat less and work out. 292 00:25:22.480 --> 00:25:29.640 And I know that that probably does work and it will, but sometimes it's not that easy. 293 00:25:30.120 --> 00:25:30.520 Okay. 294 00:25:31.040 --> 00:25:32.920 But here's the other side. 295 00:25:34.880 --> 00:25:41.840 We have a lot of women in here that want the men to just, they should just accept me how I am. 296 00:25:43.480 --> 00:25:47.760 And we get those kinds of attitudes, but then we want the men to be fit. 297 00:25:49.360 --> 00:25:51.040 Kind of a double standard, isn't it? 298 00:25:52.520 --> 00:25:52.880 Yeah. 299 00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:58.680 So if you're in the camp of, they should just accept me how I am. 300 00:25:59.480 --> 00:26:01.800 And it's like this rebellious kind of attitude. 301 00:26:01.800 --> 00:26:03.080 I really want you to look at that. 302 00:26:03.160 --> 00:26:03.760 Okay. 303 00:26:04.280 --> 00:26:09.880 Now understand that God also talked to me years ago when I was in the dating phase and I was worried. 304 00:26:09.880 --> 00:26:15.000 Cause I needed, I was not the size I am now, but even back then I was like, I need to lose some weight. 305 00:26:15.720 --> 00:26:18.480 And God was like, start dating. 306 00:26:18.600 --> 00:26:22.600 Don't wait, just, you know, work out and all this stuff and you'll get there. 307 00:26:23.360 --> 00:26:31.920 So there's a balance in this, but at the core, what's causing us to buck against these things that could actually help us. 308 00:26:33.600 --> 00:26:35.720 So for example, I brought my mom up. 309 00:26:36.040 --> 00:26:39.440 So my mom used to come home from work and she worked hard. 310 00:26:39.440 --> 00:26:41.840 You all, she was a single mom, four kids. 311 00:26:42.400 --> 00:26:47.120 Um, but what I remember, and there could be more things that my mom did. 312 00:26:47.360 --> 00:26:50.000 Like, I do remember like we would eat dinner. 313 00:26:50.480 --> 00:27:00.000 Um, but like right after dinner, my mom would lay down on the couch and she would have a bag of potato chips a lot and just watch TV all night. 314 00:27:00.640 --> 00:27:01.560 Like every night. 315 00:27:01.880 --> 00:27:05.240 And if it wasn't on potato chips, it was ice cream. 316 00:27:05.720 --> 00:27:16.720 And again, these aren't things that are bad, but when you do that every night and you're laying around what I didn't know back 317 00:27:16.720 --> 00:27:19.920 then is that my mom struggled with depression a lot. 318 00:27:22.920 --> 00:27:32.520 So the reason I'm bringing it up to you is I noticed this thing starting to happen where, like I said, sometimes I'm eating something and I don't even want it. 319 00:27:33.360 --> 00:27:41.800 And the one night I had chips and it just like occurred to me, like, oh my gosh, my mom used to do this. 320 00:27:42.800 --> 00:27:55.680 So I'm being transparent with you because it's not always easy, but we need to be willing to recognize patterns like this so that we can confess these things, become accountable to people. 321 00:27:56.000 --> 00:28:10.360 So I'm working with, you know, a fitness person and a nutritionist and like functional medicine doctor to try to help my hormones get back into balance, which should help my body be able to lose the weight it's been holding on to. 322 00:28:10.360 --> 00:28:17.320 And so sometimes we have to partner with and work on things, but again, we're talking about repentance and confession. 323 00:28:17.320 --> 00:28:36.880 So one of the things I felt like I needed to repent was partnering with the same cycle of feeling down about something and feeding that with something that wasn't healthy for me, instead of just taking that time to process that and trying to numb behavior. 324 00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:44.560 All right, I'm going to keep going on because God calls us to transform from the inside out. 325 00:28:44.720 --> 00:28:46.000 Why does he call us to do that? 326 00:28:46.000 --> 00:28:48.960 Because he wants us to be kinsmen redeemers in our family line. 327 00:28:49.720 --> 00:28:59.200 I believe 100% that not only did God call me to break the spirit of lust off of my family line, but to break this physical body image issue. 328 00:28:59.640 --> 00:29:03.000 This has been something I even have taught sessions in our phase three about it. 329 00:29:03.280 --> 00:29:05.000 I've talked to people about it. 330 00:29:05.040 --> 00:29:08.080 I've struggled with being afraid to go to the beach in a bathing suit. 331 00:29:08.320 --> 00:29:11.520 I've struggled with so many different body image stuff that I like. 332 00:29:11.520 --> 00:29:14.920 That is one thing I'm like, maybe I'll write a book about that someday. 333 00:29:14.960 --> 00:29:15.600 I don't know. 334 00:29:15.920 --> 00:29:19.080 But just, there's so many different angles to this. 335 00:29:19.080 --> 00:29:33.320 And I feel like God is really willing to let me see how much we can struggle, but he calls us out of that place so that we can be kinsmen redeemers and pave the way for those coming behind us. 336 00:29:33.560 --> 00:29:41.600 So I want you to start thinking about, even though I said, okay, during this time, you really want to be a little selfish, not in a bad way, but like put yourself first. 337 00:29:41.840 --> 00:29:50.640 But I do want you to think about the things that you are investing in yourself now, the things that you're allowing God to heal and change and transform. 338 00:29:50.640 --> 00:29:56.720 And you are going to pave the way for people coming behind you for generations to come. 339 00:29:56.720 --> 00:30:00.000 I want you to think about the areas that you feel or think are. 340 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:06.320 too dark you know we label them this is too dark this is too much i can't share if they knew this 341 00:30:06.320 --> 00:30:14.720 about me would they love me i want you to now think about the story of the the leper in the 342 00:30:14.720 --> 00:30:20.800 bible lepers were the outcasts they were the rejected the people that were alone literally 343 00:30:20.800 --> 00:30:27.120 because of their disease their affliction they were cast out from community and they were not 344 00:30:27.120 --> 00:30:34.960 allowed to come around people but what i want you to see is how jesus responded to the leper in the 345 00:30:34.960 --> 00:30:45.920 book of mark chapter one this is what he did jesus went towards the leper jesus didn't just heal the 346 00:30:45.920 --> 00:30:53.280 leper but he touched him y'all jesus could have stood back away from this man and with a word 347 00:30:53.280 --> 00:30:58.240 from his mouth and he literally could have healed the man he could have healed the man without even 348 00:30:58.240 --> 00:31:02.960 saying a word he could have just thought in jesus name he's healed in my name he's healed 349 00:31:03.680 --> 00:31:14.720 but here jesus touches the man the untouchable became touchable i want you to think about the 350 00:31:14.720 --> 00:31:23.840 darkest areas of your life now and i want you to imagine jesus coming up and touching that area 351 00:31:25.200 --> 00:31:31.600 of your heart and your life the things that you think cause you to be too far gone or that your 352 00:31:31.600 --> 00:31:38.000 spirit mate won't get you know pick you because of this no those are lies from the devil in the 353 00:31:38.000 --> 00:31:46.240 day that jesus went to the leper and touched him every social barrier was broken and shattered by 354 00:31:46.240 --> 00:32:01.280 divine love so those things that you feel like move you away from love that keep you held back 355 00:32:01.280 --> 00:32:08.880 press down cause you to isolate and withdraw i want you to imagine you know jesus coming into 356 00:32:08.880 --> 00:32:14.720 that and just breaking every barrier every fear that you've ever had that has caused you to hold 357 00:32:14.720 --> 00:32:22.080 back to believe that you don't deserve the best that god has for you that god is shattering those 358 00:32:22.080 --> 00:32:29.600 things tonight if you'll let him god jesus and the holy spirit want to shatter all those barriers 359 00:32:29.600 --> 00:32:36.720 and they want divine love to enter into you in a fresh way it doesn't mean you didn't know the 360 00:32:36.720 --> 00:32:42.880 love of god before but i want you guys to really start to every single day god help me to receive 361 00:32:42.880 --> 00:32:49.600 a revelation of your love today a fresh revelation of your love today i know that i need a revelation 362 00:32:49.600 --> 00:32:57.920 of god's love fresh every single day god has that for us i want to encourage you to lay down all of 363 00:32:57.920 --> 00:33:04.400 your shame all of the things again that make you think that you are not even touchable 364 00:33:07.200 --> 00:33:10.240 that people have cast you out maybe friends have 365 00:33:10.240 --> 00:33:13.840 you know put you to the side i don't know what your thing is 366 00:33:15.840 --> 00:33:21.440 but the unconditional love of the father is washing over all of those things right now 367 00:33:22.400 --> 00:33:28.480 repentance literally means that we come out of agreement with all of the lies all of the sinful 368 00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:34.320 and harmful behaviors that we've been operating in functioning thinking about and literally have 369 00:33:34.320 --> 00:33:40.080 a change of mind heart and body y'all it means we go in a different direction 370 00:33:42.800 --> 00:33:48.400 true genuine repentance means i am i am going to stop doing this thing 371 00:33:48.960 --> 00:33:53.760 and i'm going to go in a different direction does that mean that we won't face temptation 372 00:33:53.760 --> 00:34:03.440 no of course we will you all of course we will we have flesh but in the midst of that temptation do 373 00:34:03.440 --> 00:34:10.480 you know that god gave us fruits of the spirit love joy peace kindness goodness gentleness 374 00:34:10.480 --> 00:34:17.280 faithfulness and self-control it's a fruit of the spirit it's something that we have to learn 375 00:34:19.280 --> 00:34:25.040 to love people instead of be angry at them and hate them it's a fruit of the spirit the more 376 00:34:25.040 --> 00:34:29.760 we grow in the lord and our relationship with him and the fullness of his spirit filling us 377 00:34:32.639 --> 00:34:37.360 i don't know about you all but i just went to this conference this last weekend 378 00:34:38.239 --> 00:34:43.520 and every time even at church you know you're in god's presence and sometimes people you'll 379 00:34:43.520 --> 00:34:47.760 literally like you'll come out of that presence and something will happen right away because see 380 00:34:48.239 --> 00:34:54.239 the enemy is coming quick and he's trying to steal that seed and then there's other times 381 00:34:54.239 --> 00:34:59.840 where it's just like you're just like in the love bubble like you just sort of like man 382 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:13.000 You're just like drunk on the Spirit, you feel the love bubble of Jesus, and you just, you just like feel it, and no matter, you're just walking, I don't know if you guys have ever felt that way, if not, I pray for that for you. 383 00:35:16.000 --> 00:35:23.000 Because there's something about the divine love and the divine presence of the Lord that it protects us in a different way. 384 00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:34.000 And some of it, you all, sometimes it's us learning how to overcome those attacks of the enemy, those assaults that come quickly to steal the joy, to steal the love. 385 00:35:35.000 --> 00:35:41.000 It's both ends. Sometimes we just get to receive it, and sometimes we've got to partner with it and walk it out. 386 00:35:42.000 --> 00:35:48.000 Rebecca, you haven't had that yet. I pray in Jesus' name that you'll have that more in the days to come. 387 00:35:49.000 --> 00:35:58.000 One of the best ways, you all, to experience a fresh revelation of God's love, the love bubble that I'm calling it, is to really bask in the revelation of His love. 388 00:35:59.000 --> 00:36:06.000 So how I started doing that, and this was a process, this wasn't just something that like, I mean, I've been Save Y'all since 1998. 389 00:36:07.000 --> 00:36:15.000 I feel like when I coach, it's important for people to understand, it's not like I just have always been like this. It's been a process. 390 00:36:15.000 --> 00:36:22.000 And so for me, I started just really meditating on scriptures about love and praying all the time, 391 00:36:23.000 --> 00:36:26.000 God, help me to know who you are as love. Help me to know who you are as love. 392 00:36:27.000 --> 00:36:32.000 Help me to become more grounded and rooted in my identity in Christ, to be secure in you. 393 00:36:33.000 --> 00:36:42.000 And the more I prayed that, the more I listened to worship songs about the love of God, and soaked and meditated on those things, 394 00:36:42.000 --> 00:36:45.000 it started to help me to be able to receive it. 395 00:36:46.000 --> 00:36:50.000 I went through a lot of healing work, which you guys are here, you know, obviously you're doing the work, 396 00:36:51.000 --> 00:36:58.000 regarding father wounds, mother wounds, you know, every time you're hearing this stuff, God is, remember, it's a layer upon layer. 397 00:36:59.000 --> 00:37:02.000 There's layers to forgiveness, there's layers to healing. 398 00:37:05.000 --> 00:37:08.000 It takes time. Praise the Lord, you're on the journey. 399 00:37:08.000 --> 00:37:12.000 Confession. What we don't confess, we remain tethered to. 400 00:37:13.000 --> 00:37:17.000 I try to liken it to, like, if you guys are tied to something, okay? 401 00:37:18.000 --> 00:37:28.000 If you don't confess it, this is literally, whatever the thing is, sin, past, present, or, you know, things we're struggling with right now, that's the present. 402 00:37:29.000 --> 00:37:31.000 I want you to think of this as the sin, and this is you. 403 00:37:32.000 --> 00:37:35.000 And you're just like entangled, you're tethered to it, if you don't confess it. 404 00:37:36.000 --> 00:37:42.000 But when you confess it, when we confess with our mouths, right, things start to change. 405 00:37:43.000 --> 00:37:51.000 And the other thing that happens when we don't confess sin, or we don't repent for it, it can create blind spots. 406 00:37:52.000 --> 00:38:00.000 You ever been driving, and you go to get over in another lane, and you didn't realize a car was there because it's in your blind spot? 407 00:38:01.000 --> 00:38:05.000 I've almost gotten in an accident before because of that. 408 00:38:06.000 --> 00:38:09.000 The reality is, is we all have blind spots. 409 00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:14.000 We can't see what we can't see, right? Until we see it. 410 00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:17.000 I've said that three times today, it keeps coming up in my spirit. 411 00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:21.000 So, you guys, take some time to think about that. 412 00:38:22.000 --> 00:38:25.000 See, the Lord knows what your blind spots are. 413 00:38:26.000 --> 00:38:33.000 And He's going to try to lead you away from those things, away from temptation, but it's our choice to follow Him or not. 414 00:38:34.000 --> 00:38:35.000 James 5.16 says, 415 00:38:43.000 --> 00:38:46.000 So, some of you are like, why do I need to confess in a group? 416 00:38:47.000 --> 00:38:49.000 I can just go confess to my friend, and that is true. 417 00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:52.000 If that's what you feel led to do, cool, go do that. 418 00:38:53.000 --> 00:38:55.000 But here's what I don't want you to do. 419 00:38:56.000 --> 00:39:02.000 I don't want you to choose to go do that because you're afraid to post in a group. 420 00:39:03.000 --> 00:39:06.000 I hear it all the time. I don't know these people. I don't want to post and tell people. 421 00:39:07.000 --> 00:39:10.000 Y'all, what better place to confess in? 422 00:39:11.000 --> 00:39:12.000 Think about this. 423 00:39:13.000 --> 00:39:15.000 These ladies don't know you. 424 00:39:16.000 --> 00:39:21.000 Most of them, some of you guys, I hope, ladies, you get to know each other and become friends for life. 425 00:39:22.000 --> 00:39:28.000 This is a good place to practice because we've created this safe environment for you. 426 00:39:29.000 --> 00:39:31.000 We really guard and protect this process. 427 00:39:32.000 --> 00:39:36.000 If we see something that someone would say, you know, we're going to remove a comment. 428 00:39:37.000 --> 00:39:41.000 We've really, honestly, y'all, in five and a half years, I've literally never had to do it. 429 00:39:42.000 --> 00:39:44.000 Praise the Lord. God's been good. 430 00:39:45.000 --> 00:39:49.000 And so, as you kind of continue to prepare your heart for that, 431 00:39:49.000 --> 00:39:53.000 I really want to encourage you to get out of your comfort zone, to choose to come into the group, 432 00:39:54.000 --> 00:39:58.000 allow yourself to be seen, even your ugly parts, okay? 433 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.440 are dark parts because you guys need to experience how you can be loved even when people know the 434 00:40:07.440 --> 00:40:12.320 difficult things you know you've done or been through or struggle with. I want to tell you a 435 00:40:12.320 --> 00:40:17.760 couple things about my process that I think will be helpful for you all as well. These are some of 436 00:40:17.760 --> 00:40:22.640 the things in my journey the Lord led me to repent and confess of several years ago. It's been a you 437 00:40:22.640 --> 00:40:28.560 know years now so um you know sometimes when I start sharing my story I think people feel like 438 00:40:28.560 --> 00:40:33.840 they have to come for me. You guys don't have to okay this is for me sharing to help you. I'm in a 439 00:40:33.840 --> 00:40:39.120 really great place about all this stuff. So one of the things and I started sharing this already but 440 00:40:39.120 --> 00:40:44.480 it was trying to fill the God-shaped heart God-shaped hole in my heart with things that 441 00:40:44.480 --> 00:40:51.360 were not good for me. So food to comfort me, binge watching too much tv to avoid loneliness or pain. 442 00:40:51.360 --> 00:40:57.040 A lot of times we do that we turn tv on we just let it play we watch it because we don't want to 443 00:40:57.040 --> 00:41:01.600 feel something that we're actually feeling. Harmful thought patterns that were keeping me stuck. 444 00:41:02.160 --> 00:41:05.520 Not keeping boundaries in place regarding sex outside of marriage. 445 00:41:07.120 --> 00:41:14.160 Letting my values be lowered to be in a relationship but it wasn't even a relationship 446 00:41:14.720 --> 00:41:20.720 it was a situation. And the more I went against my values and morals the more self-hatred 447 00:41:21.680 --> 00:41:29.760 within myself grew. When we go against our values and morals ladies it is going to happen we're 448 00:41:29.760 --> 00:41:38.640 going to dislike who we are. Okay one last one. I had to repent and confess for blowing past red 449 00:41:38.640 --> 00:41:44.640 flags when the Lord was lovingly trying to keep me from things that would hurt me 450 00:41:45.120 --> 00:41:52.080 including relationships that I was in and he was telling me you know to walk away from that you know 451 00:41:52.640 --> 00:41:59.280 relationship those dynamics and I kept going. Some of them a lot of the time y'all I'm a big giver 452 00:41:59.280 --> 00:42:07.200 I love to help people I see the best in people to a fault we can't marry potential 453 00:42:07.280 --> 00:42:14.160 we can't marry potential. For those of you that struggle with always wanting to help somebody you 454 00:42:14.160 --> 00:42:18.640 see a guy and you just you know you're like I know he's a mess but man I just think he's gonna 455 00:42:18.640 --> 00:42:26.560 be a great husband one day. No no that's marrying that's like trying to marry potential that's what 456 00:42:26.560 --> 00:42:34.080 that is. God wants you to be with someone who's healthy now as you get healthy you guys can walk 457 00:42:34.080 --> 00:42:41.440 together and be a team together that's his plan for us. All right so I'm gonna get you into 458 00:42:41.440 --> 00:42:47.520 breakout sessions and groups now this is your question what do you need to confess tonight 459 00:42:48.720 --> 00:42:53.360 is there anything you need to repent for or confess now here's the thing that's really 460 00:42:53.360 --> 00:42:58.160 important I need you guys to hear me when you go into these groups especially on this week 461 00:42:58.160 --> 00:43:02.160 in the next few weeks I'll tell you when this comes up again but all the time we should just 462 00:43:02.160 --> 00:43:09.120 practice you know listening this way when someone does a confession or repentance it's not your job 463 00:43:09.120 --> 00:43:15.600 to fix them okay remember I'm the coach you guys are here as sisters you're just sisters so you're 464 00:43:15.600 --> 00:43:20.880 gonna listen to them you're gonna let them share and you're gonna say thank you so much I'm gonna 465 00:43:20.880 --> 00:43:25.040 practice with Rebecca. Rebecca thank you so much for sharing that with us I really appreciate you 466 00:43:25.040 --> 00:43:32.160 trusting me and then you're gonna share okay so you don't have to fix that person you don't 467 00:43:32.160 --> 00:43:37.760 even if they cry like I don't want y'all putting your helper hats on you need to let them feel 468 00:43:37.760 --> 00:43:43.680 what they feel let them have the space to say it and then when they're done you'll sweat you know 469 00:43:43.680 --> 00:43:48.400 again you'll love them support them and then you'll share okay that's how we do it in this 470 00:43:48.400 --> 00:43:54.000 community super important all right because you know if you guys are like me you see someone in 471 00:43:54.000 --> 00:44:00.480 pain and you want to you want to help their pain be gone but Jesus is the one that needs to help 472 00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:04.880 their pain and heal it okay all right awesome let me get these rooms ready 473 00:44:08.640 --> 00:44:12.480 Rosie and that's totally fine you can just stay right here 474 00:44:15.600 --> 00:44:18.720 oh let me do 475 00:44:18.720 --> 00:44:23.440 oh Bethany can you repeat the question for the small groups yep what do you need to confess 476 00:44:23.440 --> 00:44:27.680 tonight that's the main question if there's anything you need to repent or confess that's 477 00:44:27.680 --> 00:44:33.280 what you're going to be sharing about let's see here all right we're going to do seven minutes 478 00:44:33.280 --> 00:44:37.680 most of you are going to have three people in your group some of you'll have two I might have 479 00:44:37.680 --> 00:44:41.920 to move people around but you should have at least two and a half minutes short brief and 480 00:44:41.920 --> 00:44:46.560 powerful remember short brief and powerful so everybody has time to talk and then we'll 481 00:44:46.880 --> 00:44:50.960 powerful so everybody has time to talk and you're not trying to fix anybody all right 482 00:44:50.960 --> 00:44:54.880 they're going to come up on the screen there for you right now go ahead and click to join those 483 00:44:59.440 --> 00:44:59.840 as soon 484 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.720 As I see where people are at and if I need to, um, move anybody around, then I 485 00:45:05.720 --> 00:45:07.880 will go ahead and start to pray. 486 00:45:11.320 --> 00:45:12.420 See her father. 487 00:45:12.420 --> 00:45:15.380 Thank you so much for everything you're already doing. 488 00:45:15.380 --> 00:45:18.400 God, I thank you for revealings for healing that are happening. 489 00:45:19.120 --> 00:45:22.800 God, I pray that you would just open our eyes to see what we're not capable of 490 00:45:22.800 --> 00:45:23.460 seeing. 491 00:45:24.800 --> 00:45:32.280 Oh, let's see her down there and help us to embrace one another, to fully love 492 00:45:32.280 --> 00:45:36.760 each other, to hear what your spirit is saying to us louder than any voice of 493 00:45:36.760 --> 00:45:37.600 the enemy. 494 00:45:40.960 --> 00:45:42.920 I have to move her to the other room. 495 00:45:43.480 --> 00:45:44.240 Sorry guys. 496 00:45:44.240 --> 00:45:46.560 I have somebody said, okay, there we go. 497 00:45:47.920 --> 00:45:50.320 Um, louder than any voice of the enemy. 498 00:45:50.320 --> 00:45:57.200 We thank you Lord, um, for, yeah, just coming in and bringing your love Lord 499 00:45:57.200 --> 00:46:01.280 God, in a fresh and tangible way, no matter what they've gone through today, 500 00:46:01.280 --> 00:46:05.880 no matter what they've come into the healing session with tonight, God, I 501 00:46:05.880 --> 00:46:09.840 thank you that you would just lift bricks of heaviness off of them. 502 00:46:10.840 --> 00:46:14.040 God, even right now, I just keep feeling my eye twitching you guys. 503 00:46:15.320 --> 00:46:18.800 And, uh, typically that comes from stress and I'm not stressed right now. 504 00:46:18.800 --> 00:46:22.280 So I feel like God's even that's happening because someone else is feeling 505 00:46:22.280 --> 00:46:22.680 stressed. 506 00:46:22.680 --> 00:46:26.200 So Lord, I just thank you that you would just remove stress off of people. 507 00:46:27.440 --> 00:46:31.440 God, that you would just help them to experience who you are as the God of 508 00:46:31.440 --> 00:46:37.480 peace that passes all understanding that you would guard their heart and their 509 00:46:37.480 --> 00:46:42.800 mind through Christ Jesus, that you would bring resolve, that you would center 510 00:46:42.800 --> 00:46:43.920 them in your love. 511 00:46:44.240 --> 00:46:47.760 We know that your perfect love cast out all fear because fear has to do with 512 00:46:47.760 --> 00:46:48.160 torment. 513 00:46:48.160 --> 00:46:52.640 So God, we thank you for centering them in the, in your love. 514 00:46:52.760 --> 00:46:59.120 Um, I don't know why I just saw this, but almost as if like, um, you know, like 515 00:46:59.120 --> 00:47:04.480 a cake topper and I saw someone taking the cake topper and pushing it down into 516 00:47:04.480 --> 00:47:06.640 the cake as in kind of like grounding it. 517 00:47:07.600 --> 00:47:11.120 It's kind of funny thing to see, but I just feel like the Lord is saying he's 518 00:47:11.120 --> 00:47:13.200 grounding people in his love tonight. 519 00:47:13.200 --> 00:47:18.320 And so Lord, we just thank you, um, for the celebration and the joy that is 520 00:47:18.320 --> 00:47:22.360 going to bubble up and bubble out of these situations in these breakout room 521 00:47:22.360 --> 00:47:25.080 conversations, God, people watching the replay. 522 00:47:25.480 --> 00:47:30.400 We thank you for courage and grace to come to the group and post their 523 00:47:30.400 --> 00:47:33.160 confessions and the things that they're repenting of God. 524 00:47:33.160 --> 00:47:33.640 We thank you. 525 00:47:33.640 --> 00:47:38.720 Yes, Lord generational sin being broken off of ladies in this group in this day 526 00:47:38.720 --> 00:47:43.440 and this time, God, that you are literally making all things new, God, 527 00:47:43.440 --> 00:47:48.240 you're helping us to leave behind the things that don't belong to us to, um, 528 00:47:48.280 --> 00:47:52.360 yeah, like the scripture says to lay aside every weight that so easily ensnares 529 00:47:52.360 --> 00:47:55.040 us to press on toward the high calling of God for our lives. 530 00:47:55.040 --> 00:47:56.040 So Lord, we thank you. 531 00:47:57.160 --> 00:48:01.080 Now, again, we're just shedding XX weight, the bricks, the weights, the 532 00:48:01.080 --> 00:48:07.120 heaviness, we thank you God for, um, your grace that is sufficient for us. 533 00:48:08.120 --> 00:48:09.000 Yes, Lord. 534 00:48:09.000 --> 00:48:12.000 We thank you for grace washing over every person. 535 00:48:12.000 --> 00:48:14.680 Do y'all know that my eye quit twitching as soon as I started 536 00:48:14.680 --> 00:48:16.960 talking about that and praying. 537 00:48:17.800 --> 00:48:19.120 I really think that was the Lord. 538 00:48:20.720 --> 00:48:21.560 Oh Lord. 539 00:48:21.560 --> 00:48:23.200 So we just bask in your grace. 540 00:48:23.600 --> 00:48:30.080 I pray for, um, humility to come upon our hearts to dwell, like to dwell and rise 541 00:48:30.080 --> 00:48:36.040 up within us that we would be known for the divine feminine God, that we would 542 00:48:36.040 --> 00:48:40.080 be able to receive your love and give your love away to other people. 543 00:48:40.560 --> 00:48:44.840 God, we thank you that even as my hat says, beautiful, that every one of these 544 00:48:44.840 --> 00:48:48.720 ladies would know how beautiful they are, that they are fearfully and wonderfully 545 00:48:48.720 --> 00:48:51.360 made God, let them know it fully. 546 00:48:51.360 --> 00:48:54.600 Well, like even the scripture talks about, let you know that they would 547 00:48:54.600 --> 00:48:59.960 know that deep in the core of who they are, that you did not make mistakes, 548 00:48:59.960 --> 00:49:05.000 that you have fashioned them and formed them and their mother's womb, that you 549 00:49:05.000 --> 00:49:09.560 didn't make mistakes, that you were so excited the day that they were born. 550 00:49:10.000 --> 00:49:13.920 And we just thank you, God, that you would, um, yeah, Lord, just help them 551 00:49:13.920 --> 00:49:19.760 to surrender all of their fears, all of their worries, anything that is getting 552 00:49:19.760 --> 00:49:24.400 in their way, that they would just surrender all of that to you and to 553 00:49:24.400 --> 00:49:28.600 trust that you God are working all things together for good in their lives. 554 00:49:29.200 --> 00:49:33.960 Um, to save many people alive, like Genesis 50 verse 20 talks about Lord, 555 00:49:33.960 --> 00:49:39.960 we thank you that we are kinsmen redeemers in our storyline. 556 00:49:39.960 --> 00:49:43.320 And we thank you that you're using us, that we get to be a part of your 557 00:49:43.320 --> 00:49:46.160 healing and redemption in this land. 558 00:49:46.160 --> 00:49:49.720 God, the things that you, you know, want to bring from heaven here to 559 00:49:49.720 --> 00:49:52.240 earth, let us be the vessels that you would work through. 560 00:49:52.880 --> 00:49:56.840 Um, I'm going to read Colossians 3, 13 through 14 from the 561 00:49:56.840 --> 00:49:58.200 message translation over you all. 562 00:49:58.200 --> 00:49:59.880 It says, so chosen by God for this. 563 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.320 new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you. 564 00:50:05.320 --> 00:50:11.120 Compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline, be 565 00:50:11.120 --> 00:50:15.160 even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive 566 00:50:15.160 --> 00:50:19.520 an offense, forgive as quickly and completely as the master 567 00:50:19.520 --> 00:50:25.200 forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. 568 00:50:25.560 --> 00:50:29.640 It's your basic all-purpose garment, never be without it. 569 00:50:31.000 --> 00:50:35.000 1 John 1.9 says, if we confess our sins, he is faithful and 570 00:50:35.000 --> 00:50:39.360 just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all 571 00:50:39.760 --> 00:50:43.400 unrighteousness. And Psalm 51 that I was talking about 572 00:50:43.400 --> 00:50:47.000 earlier, it's in verse 10 says, created me a clean heart, O God, 573 00:50:47.400 --> 00:50:54.560 and renew a steadfast, a staying spirit within us. How many of 574 00:50:54.560 --> 00:50:57.600 you all you start something and then you kind of back away, you 575 00:50:57.600 --> 00:51:01.320 have this struggle, you know, with the staying spirit, you 576 00:51:01.320 --> 00:51:04.080 really struggle to have that. The Lord wants you to know that 577 00:51:04.080 --> 00:51:09.440 he is equipping you and empowering you to stay. For 578 00:51:09.440 --> 00:51:12.760 those of you that stay too long, like I was talking about earlier 579 00:51:12.760 --> 00:51:15.920 in toxic, unhealthy relationships, God is empowering 580 00:51:15.920 --> 00:51:19.680 you and giving you the grace to move forward, to leave those 581 00:51:19.680 --> 00:51:22.240 things behind. You were never called to be in a 582 00:51:22.240 --> 00:51:26.480 situationship, to be bound in things that were not fruitful. 583 00:51:27.160 --> 00:51:30.520 We were called and created as women, as daughters of the King 584 00:51:30.520 --> 00:51:35.520 to reproduce, to be fruitful and multiply. And so we just 585 00:51:35.520 --> 00:51:39.400 declare that over all of you tonight in Jesus name. Romans 586 00:51:39.400 --> 00:51:43.000 8.28 says, so we are convinced that every detail of our lives 587 00:51:43.000 --> 00:51:46.520 is continually woven together to fit into God's perfect plan of 588 00:51:46.520 --> 00:51:50.160 bringing good into our lives. For we are his lovers who have 589 00:51:50.160 --> 00:51:55.880 been called to fulfill his designed purpose. God has a 590 00:51:56.240 --> 00:51:59.840 purpose for your life. He has great things for you. And he 591 00:51:59.840 --> 00:52:03.280 wants to lead you into the fullness of his original plan 592 00:52:03.280 --> 00:52:07.760 and purpose for your life. He's not confused. I just heard him 593 00:52:07.760 --> 00:52:11.360 say that. I'm not confused. The Lord is saying that tonight over 594 00:52:11.360 --> 00:52:15.600 all of us. He's not confused. He's not, you know, dismayed. 595 00:52:15.600 --> 00:52:18.360 He's not like wondering, what should I do next? You know, 596 00:52:18.640 --> 00:52:22.160 that's how we think as humans, we're so afraid to move forward 597 00:52:22.160 --> 00:52:25.600 sometimes or we get stuck in these things. And then we think 598 00:52:25.600 --> 00:52:29.160 we put those attributes onto God. Like he is the same as us, 599 00:52:29.160 --> 00:52:33.000 but he's not. He's God. He's omnipresent. He knows all 600 00:52:33.000 --> 00:52:37.720 things. God is not confused. He's not afraid. So if we are 601 00:52:37.720 --> 00:52:40.360 struggling with fear, if we're struggling with apprehension, 602 00:52:40.360 --> 00:52:44.680 we're afraid to step out. Who can we lean on and trust in? 603 00:52:44.680 --> 00:52:47.840 Well, we can lean on the Lord and, and ask him to give us 604 00:52:47.840 --> 00:52:51.320 fresh faith to step out and courage. He goes before us into 605 00:52:51.320 --> 00:52:54.600 all things and anoints us for all of our lives and walk in 606 00:52:54.600 --> 00:52:57.040 calling and he'll lead us deeper into Jesus every single 607 00:52:57.040 --> 00:53:00.160 day. If we ask him welcome back, ladies, I've been having a good 608 00:53:00.160 --> 00:53:03.600 time here talking to myself, talking to all of you all that 609 00:53:03.600 --> 00:53:06.080 you didn't even know it, those that are going to catch the 610 00:53:06.080 --> 00:53:08.560 replay. Hope it's a blessing for y'all. If you want to go back 611 00:53:08.560 --> 00:53:11.040 and listen to that, you can just watch for the time when you go 612 00:53:11.040 --> 00:53:16.920 into breakouts at about 45, 50 minutes in about 45 minutes into 613 00:53:16.920 --> 00:53:18.840 the replay. And you guys can just listen because I was 614 00:53:18.840 --> 00:53:21.680 praying, I was declaring some things. So there's some words in 615 00:53:21.680 --> 00:53:26.080 there for some people as well. All right, our activations for 616 00:53:26.080 --> 00:53:28.440 this week, and then I'm going to come to Karen and anyone else 617 00:53:28.440 --> 00:53:31.120 that wants to share tonight, I'll do as many people as I can 618 00:53:31.120 --> 00:53:34.480 until 930. And then we're going to end the session tonight. If 619 00:53:34.480 --> 00:53:37.400 people have their hands up at 930. I'm going to always ask you 620 00:53:37.400 --> 00:53:41.520 guys to put your things in the group where I can respond to 621 00:53:41.520 --> 00:53:45.240 them there or my team. Alright, so the activations for this week 622 00:53:45.240 --> 00:53:49.160 is going to be to create a post in the last year single app. 623 00:53:51.760 --> 00:53:54.680 Talking to us about where you feel led to repent or confess, 624 00:53:54.680 --> 00:53:57.080 you're going to come in and talk to us about what God is 625 00:53:57.080 --> 00:54:00.320 revealing in you. Remember, you don't have to share every gory 626 00:54:00.320 --> 00:54:03.320 detail. This is really important. Okay. Some of you 627 00:54:03.320 --> 00:54:07.520 all been through really horrific things like rape, all kinds of 628 00:54:07.520 --> 00:54:10.800 things that are really, really hard to hear. You don't have to 629 00:54:10.800 --> 00:54:14.880 share all gory details know that it's important. And even when I 630 00:54:14.880 --> 00:54:17.240 talk to you guys about the abuse I've gone through, I don't 631 00:54:17.240 --> 00:54:20.120 give you guys gory details. I just tell you think you know, 632 00:54:20.120 --> 00:54:23.400 like high level. So I want you guys to understand, tell us what 633 00:54:23.400 --> 00:54:26.120 you've been through, but keep keep it at that level so that 634 00:54:26.120 --> 00:54:28.960 we're not all triggering each other and all that kind of 635 00:54:28.960 --> 00:54:31.920 stuff. Okay. But we still want you to share and we want you to 636 00:54:31.920 --> 00:54:35.960 have confidence in that share. And then remember, if you guys 637 00:54:35.960 --> 00:54:37.800 weren't here when we first started tonight, one of your 638 00:54:37.800 --> 00:54:40.960 other activations is to go out and have some fun this week. So 639 00:54:41.280 --> 00:54:44.200 remember to go out and have fun and I want to see you having 640 00:54:44.200 --> 00:54:47.160 fun. It gets really like I know I'm saying fun again, but it 641 00:54:47.160 --> 00:54:49.600 gets really fun in our group when people come in and they 642 00:54:49.600 --> 00:54:52.600 start posting things that they're out doing. I still 643 00:54:52.600 --> 00:54:56.520 remember some of the walks that Lisa Mendrix has taken pictures 644 00:54:56.520 --> 00:55:00.080 where she's I think even that one it had like a color wheel 645 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.520 or something like y'all I remember this stuff when you share like it really it connects me to you 646 00:55:06.080 --> 00:55:10.960 and it connects you all to each other I don't know if you realize that or not but it's really fun 647 00:55:10.960 --> 00:55:15.920 and so some of you might go try something for the first time I don't know maybe you'll get 648 00:55:15.920 --> 00:55:21.760 crazy and try an ice cream flavor you've never tried I don't know whatever it is some of you 649 00:55:21.760 --> 00:55:27.280 it might be you know I don't know asking a friend to go do something that you haven't asked 650 00:55:27.840 --> 00:55:33.440 you know maybe you've been somebody that's been isolating for a while and so for you that that 651 00:55:33.440 --> 00:55:38.800 step out of your comfort zones to ask someone to go out and go have some fun all right awesome 652 00:55:38.800 --> 00:55:46.000 Karen would love to hear what you have to say so I just got back from two weeks of having fun 653 00:55:46.000 --> 00:55:54.800 I was in Italy um and that in itself was like um step of faith for me and what I learned in that 654 00:55:54.800 --> 00:56:00.720 about myself well we were able to go dance in the streets at night um in one of the cities 655 00:56:00.720 --> 00:56:09.280 which was fun um and what I learned is that as far as when I'm not working or with family 656 00:56:09.280 --> 00:56:15.920 that I would be like at community conferences or retreats or on zoom but when it comes to having 657 00:56:15.920 --> 00:56:24.560 like real relationships I've haven't had that so like being there when I felt uncomfortable 658 00:56:24.560 --> 00:56:28.320 I learned I had to just sit in that because it was so unfamiliar to me 659 00:56:29.280 --> 00:56:34.800 times was where I was like trying to have conversations versus just like being okay with it 660 00:56:35.440 --> 00:56:42.560 um so but it really stretched me in moments where and we did have some real good conversations with 661 00:56:42.560 --> 00:56:51.280 one another so yes yeah um but one of the things that I do need to repent of is um when I first 662 00:56:51.280 --> 00:56:59.040 joined the community I shared like there was a situation like um of abuse and so I reported this 663 00:56:59.040 --> 00:57:09.040 abuse to um I made the phone calls and now it's while I was there in Italy my family was calling 664 00:57:09.040 --> 00:57:15.920 me they knew I was out of the country and kind of like reacting because they just found out about 665 00:57:16.560 --> 00:57:23.440 this from the person and so I didn't need to respond back to them I could have just left it 666 00:57:23.440 --> 00:57:33.760 alone but I did and I felt like that affected me when I did that um so yeah I still need to learn 667 00:57:33.760 --> 00:57:39.120 how to have those conversations with them learning that you don't stay silent about 668 00:57:39.120 --> 00:57:45.520 certain things or you don't have you don't protect or stay quiet about bad situations 669 00:57:46.480 --> 00:57:52.640 but also being wise who I have those conversations with so I feel like I'm still in that point where 670 00:57:52.640 --> 00:57:58.960 I'm still processing myself so yeah and you know ladies this is a good reminder Karen thank you for 671 00:57:58.960 --> 00:58:03.520 sharing all that and I am just so excited that you went on this trip you know we chatted about 672 00:58:03.520 --> 00:58:09.520 that before you left I love that you danced in the street in the night that I'm just envisioning that 673 00:58:09.520 --> 00:58:14.800 I'm just envisioning it and that's just such a fun thing to imagine you having that fun and 674 00:58:14.880 --> 00:58:20.640 you know you've been doing a lot of heart work hard work and I hope that you did feel some 675 00:58:20.640 --> 00:58:26.320 lightness in that but I also love that you mentioned about sitting in the uncomfortable 676 00:58:27.600 --> 00:58:31.920 and I think that's something really important to pull out of what you said tonight for everyone 677 00:58:32.720 --> 00:58:40.160 so often we don't want to feel the uncomfortable we don't want to feel the pain of something like 678 00:58:40.160 --> 00:58:46.640 I said and so we'll we tend to push it away or try to avoid it so sometimes we need to actually 679 00:58:46.640 --> 00:58:53.280 remember feel the feels so that God can heal the feels we have to like even today I said like 680 00:58:53.840 --> 00:58:59.280 why am I why am I getting all anxious about this and worried what's going on here like paying 681 00:58:59.280 --> 00:59:07.760 attention to what we're feeling and thinking that doesn't align with God's best so that we can have 682 00:59:07.760 --> 00:59:12.880 those revealings for healing so I love that you mentioned that and that you took the time to sit 683 00:59:12.880 --> 00:59:18.880 in that uncomfortable and then grow through it that's what I heard you say so way to go on that 684 00:59:18.880 --> 00:59:25.760 regarding this situation I was going to say to you and to everyone you know the reality is is we're 685 00:59:25.760 --> 00:59:31.280 growing you know I think back in the day I used to think that you know when you get to a certain 686 00:59:31.280 --> 00:59:35.600 age you're just like an adult and you just know how to do everything and you just have the life 687 00:59:35.600 --> 00:59:42.320 figured out and and the reality is y'all I'm like 47 and I'm still figuring things out and that's okay 688 00:59:43.280 --> 00:59:49.040 it's okay when we look at the people in the Bible y'all they were hundreds of years old some of them 689 00:59:49.040 --> 00:59:56.640 and they were still figuring it out so why do we think we should just like this expectation of 690 00:59:56.640 --> 00:59:59.840 perfection so I 691 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.400 I like that you are being self-aware. 692 01:00:02.400 --> 01:00:05.060 That's what I hear when you're talking about this situation. 693 01:00:05.060 --> 01:00:07.880 Like, hey, man, I realize I shouldn't have, 694 01:00:07.880 --> 01:00:10.260 I shouldn't have responded to them at that time 695 01:00:10.260 --> 01:00:13.080 and that it did impact parts of your trip. 696 01:00:13.080 --> 01:00:15.760 You know, I think that's what you were kind of alluding to, 697 01:00:15.760 --> 01:00:18.840 but that you also know that you're still learning 698 01:00:18.840 --> 01:00:20.680 and growing in this area. 699 01:00:20.680 --> 01:00:23.780 Self-awareness is like key, Karen. 700 01:00:23.780 --> 01:00:27.080 So you're really, like God is setting you up for success. 701 01:00:27.080 --> 01:00:29.320 He's helping you heal. 702 01:00:30.000 --> 01:00:33.560 It's just like lifting weights as well, ladies. 703 01:00:33.560 --> 01:00:35.040 If we have a muscle that's weak, 704 01:00:35.040 --> 01:00:38.080 even like if we have a back injury, 705 01:00:38.080 --> 01:00:39.480 sometimes you've gotta be careful 706 01:00:39.480 --> 01:00:41.880 and you've gotta kind of slowly gain the strength 707 01:00:41.880 --> 01:00:45.640 back in your core and get care and therapy. 708 01:00:45.640 --> 01:00:50.000 So I just wanna encourage you to keep giving yourself grace 709 01:00:50.000 --> 01:00:52.920 to care for yourself extra during this time 710 01:00:52.920 --> 01:00:55.360 as you're still processing what happened, 711 01:00:55.360 --> 01:00:58.440 what you reported, and even from the sounds of it, 712 01:00:58.440 --> 01:01:02.480 maybe some not healthy reactions from your family 713 01:01:02.480 --> 01:01:05.800 and just trusting, like remember to put all of them 714 01:01:05.800 --> 01:01:07.780 on your board, even if you already did, 715 01:01:07.780 --> 01:01:10.760 you might need to get a little more specific, okay? 716 01:01:10.760 --> 01:01:15.360 If things were said to you that were hurtful or areas, 717 01:01:15.360 --> 01:01:16.600 and I don't even know if this is true, 718 01:01:16.600 --> 01:01:18.800 but areas that, you know, if you feel like, 719 01:01:18.800 --> 01:01:22.400 man, I need reconciliation in this relationship, 720 01:01:22.400 --> 01:01:25.320 you know, putting those things specifically on the board 721 01:01:25.320 --> 01:01:26.920 is gonna be, your Jesus Cares board 722 01:01:26.920 --> 01:01:29.000 is gonna be really important, okay? 723 01:01:30.120 --> 01:01:31.040 Yeah. 724 01:01:31.040 --> 01:01:33.040 And just remember that God is with you. 725 01:01:34.080 --> 01:01:36.880 You know, you all, like sometimes things happen 726 01:01:36.880 --> 01:01:40.600 and people remember that they're receiving, 727 01:01:40.600 --> 01:01:42.000 let me do it this way. 728 01:01:42.000 --> 01:01:43.560 So remember this, I don't, 729 01:01:43.560 --> 01:01:45.600 some of you guys have seen me do this before, 730 01:01:45.600 --> 01:01:50.440 but okay, let's imagine like there's a person over here 731 01:01:50.440 --> 01:01:52.680 and there's a person on this side, okay? 732 01:01:52.680 --> 01:01:55.960 So everybody, like if they're over here 733 01:01:55.960 --> 01:01:58.880 and they're saying something or they're doing something, 734 01:01:58.880 --> 01:02:01.520 by the time it gets to the person over here, 735 01:02:01.520 --> 01:02:04.440 it's had to go through this filter. 736 01:02:04.440 --> 01:02:07.040 And this filter could be healthy for some people, 737 01:02:07.040 --> 01:02:09.440 this filter, sorry, I don't know if you guys can see that. 738 01:02:09.440 --> 01:02:13.200 This filter could be really unhealthy. 739 01:02:13.200 --> 01:02:15.680 So whatever their filter is, 740 01:02:15.680 --> 01:02:19.080 that's going to impact how they receive our actions, 741 01:02:19.080 --> 01:02:21.640 our words, everything. 742 01:02:21.640 --> 01:02:22.880 So like, I don't know if you, 743 01:02:22.880 --> 01:02:24.120 maybe it's better to do it like that. 744 01:02:24.120 --> 01:02:25.760 So if somebody was talking to me right now 745 01:02:26.560 --> 01:02:27.960 or doing something, by the time it gets to me, 746 01:02:27.960 --> 01:02:31.000 it's going through that filter, okay? 747 01:02:31.000 --> 01:02:33.840 So just remember that I'm not excusing people 748 01:02:33.840 --> 01:02:35.320 for their unhealthy behavior, 749 01:02:35.320 --> 01:02:39.840 but the reality is, is that we all have hurts and wounds, 750 01:02:39.840 --> 01:02:42.560 habits, hangups, things that we hear things through. 751 01:02:42.560 --> 01:02:44.920 They have filters, we have filters. 752 01:02:44.920 --> 01:02:47.640 And so when we surrender those things to the Lord 753 01:02:47.640 --> 01:02:50.840 and ask him to heal and restore, 754 01:02:50.840 --> 01:02:52.680 it's the best thing we could ever do. 755 01:02:53.680 --> 01:02:56.640 Sometimes it just takes time. 756 01:02:56.640 --> 01:02:58.560 It really does, okay? 757 01:02:58.560 --> 01:02:59.920 So keep praying for them. 758 01:02:59.920 --> 01:03:03.560 We're praying for you and believing for more healing 759 01:03:03.560 --> 01:03:05.880 and so excited to hear what you shared tonight. 760 01:03:05.880 --> 01:03:07.400 Thank you so much. 761 01:03:07.400 --> 01:03:08.640 Thank you so much. 762 01:03:08.640 --> 01:03:09.960 You're welcome. 763 01:03:09.960 --> 01:03:13.360 Megan, it's your turn. 764 01:03:14.880 --> 01:03:17.840 So the word that I got for a lot of things 765 01:03:17.840 --> 01:03:19.760 was actually avoidance. 766 01:03:19.920 --> 01:03:23.640 And so by kind of realizing, which is kind of funny 767 01:03:23.640 --> 01:03:26.440 because in my last relationship, 768 01:03:26.440 --> 01:03:28.680 my ex was the avoidant 769 01:03:28.680 --> 01:03:31.280 and I was the anxious attachment style. 770 01:03:31.280 --> 01:03:35.520 But lately I've had like two friends 771 01:03:35.520 --> 01:03:37.480 and there's been a bit of like, I'm just in the middle, 772 01:03:37.480 --> 01:03:39.280 but they've been having drama with one another. 773 01:03:39.280 --> 01:03:41.000 And one of them is kind of needy 774 01:03:41.000 --> 01:03:43.880 and been kind of asking a lot 775 01:03:43.880 --> 01:03:47.000 and kind of just a lot of emotions and stuff. 776 01:03:47.000 --> 01:03:49.120 And so for me, I've been really feeling that need 777 01:03:49.480 --> 01:03:50.920 to like pull away. 778 01:03:52.000 --> 01:03:54.960 And then when things have like happened, 779 01:03:54.960 --> 01:03:57.320 like say something wasn't fair 780 01:03:57.320 --> 01:04:00.680 or someone didn't do something great 781 01:04:00.680 --> 01:04:01.960 and they'd be like, oh, I'm sorry. 782 01:04:01.960 --> 01:04:04.760 I'm realizing I'm kind of quick to say, oh, it's okay. 783 01:04:04.760 --> 01:04:06.600 Even when it's not okay. 784 01:04:06.600 --> 01:04:09.160 And I'm kind of realizing I'm avoiding 785 01:04:09.160 --> 01:04:11.520 these like heavy feelings from other people. 786 01:04:11.520 --> 01:04:14.560 And I know that like where I'm at in my own personal life, 787 01:04:14.560 --> 01:04:16.320 there's a lot of stuff going on. 788 01:04:16.320 --> 01:04:18.440 So it's almost like I'm trying to just avoid 789 01:04:18.440 --> 01:04:20.280 picking up other people's stuff 790 01:04:20.280 --> 01:04:23.640 because I'm a feeler and it's hard. 791 01:04:23.640 --> 01:04:26.400 So with that friend, I've been trying to be there 792 01:04:26.400 --> 01:04:28.160 but also have boundaries. 793 01:04:29.120 --> 01:04:31.960 And then the last thing is that I know 794 01:04:31.960 --> 01:04:34.760 that I've been kind of avoiding the thought 795 01:04:34.760 --> 01:04:38.000 of like trying to finish the hard work 796 01:04:38.000 --> 01:04:41.000 and also move on to the next phase. 797 01:04:41.000 --> 01:04:42.680 And like, I've got two friends who are already 798 01:04:42.680 --> 01:04:44.960 in like phase two and phase three. 799 01:04:44.960 --> 01:04:46.440 And I think, you know, some of them, 800 01:04:46.440 --> 01:04:48.640 but I'm really quick to be like, 801 01:04:48.640 --> 01:04:50.840 I'm so excited to see what God's gonna do in your life 802 01:04:50.840 --> 01:04:51.760 and your dating thing. 803 01:04:51.760 --> 01:04:54.280 And then when they bring it up with me, I'm like, yeah, 804 01:04:54.280 --> 01:04:56.200 yeah, that's a while away. 805 01:04:56.200 --> 01:05:00.040 I'm not like rushing to like go into that dating thing. 806 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.280 stuff. So I think I'm avoiding. So, yeah. Yes. Okay, so I'm so glad you're bringing this up 807 01:05:07.280 --> 01:05:11.520 because this happens with a lot of people. The avoidance is showing up in some areas, 808 01:05:11.520 --> 01:05:18.880 but the one area that I don't feel like it is avoidance, your friends that are disagreeing 809 01:05:18.880 --> 01:05:25.920 and you feel stuck in the middle, you, I think, are pulling back because it's actually healthy 810 01:05:25.920 --> 01:05:33.040 for you to not be stuck in the middle. I don't feel like that's avoidance. Now, when it can 811 01:05:33.040 --> 01:05:38.880 turn into avoidance is if you're not saying anything to either of them. Okay? And you're 812 01:05:38.880 --> 01:05:44.160 just silently pulling out. So if that is what you're doing, then yeah, that probably is kind 813 01:05:44.160 --> 01:05:49.680 of that avoidance pulling away. What you need to practice doing if you are pulling back and 814 01:05:49.680 --> 01:05:56.800 not saying anything is saying to each of them, Hey, I love you. And I love you. So I am not 815 01:05:56.800 --> 01:06:01.440 going to be in the middle of this because you said I have to be in the middle. Oh, I didn't. 816 01:06:01.440 --> 01:06:07.440 I didn't realize that. Yeah. So, or I am, I am in the middle if I heard it wrong, but you don't 817 01:06:07.440 --> 01:06:12.480 have to be there. You don't have to be in the middle. And I know that might sound easy to say 818 01:06:12.480 --> 01:06:17.120 it's hard. It is hard to set boundaries with people we love, right? Because they might react 819 01:06:17.120 --> 01:06:22.640 in a certain way. So a lot of times we'll just kind of like, Ooh, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna 820 01:06:22.640 --> 01:06:28.720 get out of the middle of this quietly, but, you know, using our voice, especially for you, Megan, 821 01:06:28.720 --> 01:06:33.520 this is, this is something you've been working on and practicing. This is another area for you 822 01:06:33.520 --> 01:06:39.280 to practice using your voice because your thoughts matter. Something else that I said, 823 01:06:39.280 --> 01:06:45.360 or that I wrote down, encircled when you said, when someone does something, you just say it's 824 01:06:45.360 --> 01:06:51.760 okay. It's okay. So I want you to practice not doing that anymore. So you want to kind of, you 825 01:06:51.760 --> 01:06:57.280 not get mad about everything. Okay. But you do want to, okay. If you've, if something hurts you, 826 01:06:58.720 --> 01:07:04.480 that you actually say, or write it out, at least remember, we don't have to give everybody 827 01:07:04.480 --> 01:07:09.040 everything. If we write it out, we're at least expressing and acknowledging, which I think would 828 01:07:09.040 --> 01:07:14.480 be a great step for you before you try to just go and talk because some people are not going to be 829 01:07:14.480 --> 01:07:20.400 able to receive. Okay. So for you to grow in your courage of expressing your thoughts and your 830 01:07:20.400 --> 01:07:25.360 feelings, and even identify what you're feeling, I think starting in the safe place, as I started 831 01:07:25.360 --> 01:07:31.280 coaching, I think that's probably the best step for you forward. And then pray and ask the Lord 832 01:07:31.280 --> 01:07:37.360 to show you when are the times you should tell someone, tell the person. Okay. So the friends 833 01:07:37.360 --> 01:07:43.280 that you're stuck in the middle, I definitely want you to actually tell them. Okay. For these other 834 01:07:43.280 --> 01:07:47.840 things that you would start identifying, what is it that you're actually feeling? 835 01:07:49.600 --> 01:07:57.600 And here's the other layer to this. You said, I'm a feeler and it's hard. I'm a feeler too. And I 836 01:07:57.600 --> 01:08:06.720 do know it can be hard. The thing I want to start to separate for you is that you don't have to 837 01:08:06.720 --> 01:08:12.800 wear, like, I think I got this picture when you were talking, like, it's kind of like you feel 838 01:08:12.800 --> 01:08:17.520 like you're dealing with those feelings and the weight of people's feelings by yourself. 839 01:08:17.520 --> 01:08:23.760 But I actually saw the Lord with you and he was holding the weight for you. And so I want you to 840 01:08:23.760 --> 01:08:32.319 understand that while we can be feelers, ladies, God can help us to carry what we feel so that it 841 01:08:32.319 --> 01:08:38.080 doesn't crush us. Okay. Because sometimes if you are a feeler and you just really get caught up in 842 01:08:38.080 --> 01:08:42.800 those feelings and they can take you into depression, they can take you into a lot of 843 01:08:42.800 --> 01:08:49.600 self-pity, withdrawing, and it literally can take some people out. But it's when we really think 844 01:08:49.600 --> 01:08:56.160 we're in those things by ourselves and we're not. Okay. So I want you to think about how are you 845 01:08:56.160 --> 01:09:02.160 actually envisioning when you feel those things? Like, do you believe the lie that you're by 846 01:09:02.160 --> 01:09:10.160 yourself in that? Yes, I can. That has been thing that has been coming up and I'm realizing, 847 01:09:10.160 --> 01:09:15.439 like, I know we all have trust issues, but I realize I have, like, especially with God, 848 01:09:15.439 --> 01:09:20.560 a lot of back in that area. So that's been something that's come up recently. 849 01:09:21.920 --> 01:09:27.200 So I think working on those things is going to help you regarding moving forward. 850 01:09:27.760 --> 01:09:36.560 Mm-hmm. It's time for you to live. Yeah. So remember the day that you put that really cute 851 01:09:36.560 --> 01:09:41.520 outfit on and you took the picture and you showed us in the group and I know you battled something 852 01:09:41.520 --> 01:09:48.080 after, but it's not always going to be that way. Okay. It's not. I want you to keep practicing 853 01:09:48.080 --> 01:09:54.160 that stuff, taking pictures of you having fun, taking pictures of you enjoying life, because 854 01:09:54.160 --> 01:09:58.960 this is the thing we're cheering you on and the more you do that, you're going to gain momentum 855 01:09:58.960 --> 01:09:59.840 and the enemy can't. 856 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:08.880 not when. Ladies, when darkness is there, as soon as the light enters, darkness has to flee. 857 01:10:09.760 --> 01:10:15.840 Light and darkness do not coexist, okay? They don't. So I want you guys to start thinking about 858 01:10:15.840 --> 01:10:21.520 this. Every time you walk into a dark room and you turn the light on, let that be a reminder to you. 859 01:10:21.520 --> 01:10:28.240 The light of Christ enters a room and darkness flees. If you are afraid or feeling afraid or 860 01:10:28.240 --> 01:10:34.640 overwhelmed, just flip on a light and remind. And again, I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not 861 01:10:34.640 --> 01:10:40.480 saying it's just going to go away all the time like that. But for me, those physical reminders 862 01:10:40.480 --> 01:10:48.800 remind me of the truth. He is with you. He's going to help all of you walk out the things 863 01:10:48.800 --> 01:10:54.000 he has for you. And so I just want to hear from you more, Megan. I want to hear more like 864 01:10:54.000 --> 01:10:59.360 celebratory things. I want you to start really cheering yourself on. We're going to cheer you on 865 01:10:59.360 --> 01:11:06.080 too, but it has to start with you. Because I'll tell you guys, I'll cheer you guys on left and 866 01:11:06.080 --> 01:11:10.400 right. Jackie will do that. But at the end of the day, if you don't believe things for yourself, 867 01:11:10.400 --> 01:11:15.440 you can borrow faith from us, okay? You can. But you guys have to start believing these things 868 01:11:15.440 --> 01:11:24.720 yourself as well. So you have to see yourself doing well and being received well by people. 869 01:11:24.720 --> 01:11:29.440 So the more that you post some of these things in the group and you're getting healthy responses, 870 01:11:29.440 --> 01:11:34.080 it's going to build your courage for the other people that you're encountering outside of here. 871 01:11:35.520 --> 01:11:41.680 Make sense? Yeah. And if this is resonating for any of you all, go ahead and 872 01:11:41.680 --> 01:11:46.080 take it for yourself as well. Anytime I'm coaching people, I hope if you guys are hearing something 873 01:11:46.080 --> 01:11:50.160 and it's really resonating for you, that you would walk in that as well. Megan, thank you 874 01:11:50.160 --> 01:11:55.120 so much for sharing. Appreciate you. Thank you. You're welcome. Jennifer, go ahead. 875 01:11:58.160 --> 01:12:05.520 Okay, so I am coming out of isolation. I have been in this group for way too long. 876 01:12:05.520 --> 01:12:12.320 It's probably been like two years. And I've not done anything. What's that? 877 01:12:12.320 --> 01:12:18.880 Just in the heartwork? Just in the heartwork. I have been through things very, 878 01:12:20.560 --> 01:12:27.680 like the dry bones in Ezekiel type of thing where just in the valley and it has been extremely 879 01:12:27.680 --> 01:12:34.560 one thing after the other after the other. So I'm making a vow to myself and to you ladies 880 01:12:35.440 --> 01:12:40.240 done and I need to finish the book. I would start the first chapter and then 881 01:12:41.040 --> 01:12:47.040 it would get too hard in the book and I would just be done and just leave it alone. So I guess 882 01:12:47.040 --> 01:12:55.200 that's my first confession. The other one that I did share in the group was lust. There's a couple 883 01:12:55.200 --> 01:13:01.840 of things that have happened to me as a child growing up. My first love, if you will, 884 01:13:02.480 --> 01:13:08.160 that introduced me to some things and it's been like this dagger in my soul, 885 01:13:09.280 --> 01:13:18.720 soul tie that I have been struggling with. And so I definitely do not want to be vulnerable on here, 886 01:13:18.720 --> 01:13:25.840 but maybe this will help somebody else to be vulnerable. I have no idea. I have recently just, 887 01:13:26.800 --> 01:13:33.760 I think this is my turning point. I'm opening up a business. I'm coming out of isolation. I'm just 888 01:13:33.760 --> 01:13:44.240 basically, I want to turn a complete new page for myself and doing this in this group in front of 889 01:13:44.240 --> 01:13:52.000 you guys, all you ladies, which is something I don't like to do. I think this is a new leaf for 890 01:13:52.560 --> 01:13:59.280 me. So sharing like this, I, this is not something I like to do, but I want to continue to do more of 891 01:13:59.280 --> 01:14:08.480 this and be more present, I guess, with this, because I feel like for me, this is how I'm 892 01:14:08.480 --> 01:14:17.120 going to change. A hundred percent. Jennifer, way to go. You did it. You did it. This is ladies. 893 01:14:17.120 --> 01:14:22.720 This is how we work these muscles. We get out of our comfort zone and we do the thing that we don't 894 01:14:22.720 --> 01:14:28.640 want to do. And a lot of times, you know what the crazy thing is, is the reason the enemy fights 895 01:14:28.640 --> 01:14:33.440 against us so much is because he knows how much we're going to be used in the thing that we're 896 01:14:33.440 --> 01:14:39.840 actually avoiding. And so I think it's really awesome that you're coming out of hiding and 897 01:14:39.840 --> 01:14:45.520 you're turning this corner, you know, you're overcoming and really like leaning into the 898 01:14:45.520 --> 01:14:51.600 things that God wants to set you free from. Incredible share. I do want to like ask you a 899 01:14:51.600 --> 01:14:56.640 couple of questions on the book when you started reading it and you said you would get to chapter 900 01:14:56.640 --> 01:14:59.840 one and kind of stop because it was too hard. Can you tell me? 901 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.040 what she was talking about when it felt too hard. 902 01:15:04.040 --> 01:15:05.760 Do you remember? 903 01:15:05.760 --> 01:15:08.480 I don't, because then I have to restart chapter one 904 01:15:08.480 --> 01:15:10.480 and go through it. 905 01:15:10.480 --> 01:15:12.880 But it's mostly just digging deep, 906 01:15:12.880 --> 01:15:18.320 because I would end up just crying. 907 01:15:18.320 --> 01:15:23.200 It was just so much hard work that I just was like, 908 01:15:23.200 --> 01:15:24.360 I'm not doing this anymore. 909 01:15:24.360 --> 01:15:25.660 I don't want to think about it. 910 01:15:25.660 --> 01:15:28.200 I don't want to cry about it. 911 01:15:28.200 --> 01:15:30.400 I just did not want to go through it. 912 01:15:30.400 --> 01:15:32.240 And I just would stop. 913 01:15:32.240 --> 01:15:34.760 So it's not specific. 914 01:15:34.760 --> 01:15:37.840 Do you feel like you're at a point 915 01:15:37.840 --> 01:15:42.040 where you can really move forward with the book? 916 01:15:42.040 --> 01:15:43.040 I can. 917 01:15:43.040 --> 01:15:48.200 Aside from this, I am a part of another group as well. 918 01:15:48.200 --> 01:15:51.560 And it's more business related and all that. 919 01:15:51.560 --> 01:15:55.800 But it's a lot of kingdom work, working with the Holy Spirit, 920 01:15:55.800 --> 01:15:56.480 things like that. 921 01:15:56.480 --> 01:16:00.800 And that, on that end, has been kind of, OK, Jen, 922 01:16:00.800 --> 01:16:04.800 it's time to, it's time to, it's like a sandwich. 923 01:16:04.800 --> 01:16:06.440 I'm working with this. 924 01:16:06.440 --> 01:16:10.200 And I'm working with, it's like I needed the other half. 925 01:16:10.200 --> 01:16:11.520 Yeah, I totally get it. 926 01:16:11.520 --> 01:16:12.520 I do. 927 01:16:12.520 --> 01:16:14.560 So I think one of the things, ladies, that's 928 01:16:14.560 --> 01:16:16.720 really important for Jennifer and anyone else, 929 01:16:16.720 --> 01:16:20.560 when you get into things like the book, or even the videos, 930 01:16:20.560 --> 01:16:24.680 or for some of you, it's the activations. 931 01:16:24.760 --> 01:16:27.000 And you'll feel yourself avoiding it and not 932 01:16:27.000 --> 01:16:28.600 wanting to do it. 933 01:16:28.600 --> 01:16:32.560 That is literally enemy trying to hinder you because you're 934 01:16:32.560 --> 01:16:35.720 about to get breakthrough. 935 01:16:35.720 --> 01:16:39.880 And so part of this struggle is like sometimes 936 01:16:39.880 --> 01:16:43.600 because we're in a healing phase for so long, 937 01:16:43.600 --> 01:16:47.160 we can feel that kind of weariness, fatigue, 938 01:16:47.160 --> 01:16:48.280 if you will. 939 01:16:48.280 --> 01:16:50.760 And so I just want to encourage you to pray and ask the God, 940 01:16:50.760 --> 01:16:53.800 like ask God to give you a fresh wind 941 01:16:53.800 --> 01:16:59.080 and really help you not fear the unknown. 942 01:16:59.080 --> 01:17:02.280 Because even though you know and understand healing processes 943 01:17:02.280 --> 01:17:04.160 from the sounds of what you shared, 944 01:17:04.160 --> 01:17:07.920 what can happen is that sometimes we 945 01:17:07.920 --> 01:17:10.640 think we know where God is going to lead us, 946 01:17:10.640 --> 01:17:12.800 and we're afraid to go into that area. 947 01:17:12.800 --> 01:17:16.440 Remember the do not enter signs, ladies, that I talk about? 948 01:17:16.440 --> 01:17:17.840 We have these do not enter signs. 949 01:17:17.840 --> 01:17:19.280 Like God can come into our heart, 950 01:17:19.280 --> 01:17:22.240 but God don't come into this place. 951 01:17:22.240 --> 01:17:25.240 Don't touch that thing. 952 01:17:25.240 --> 01:17:29.080 And it's not even that we don't want to let go of that thing. 953 01:17:29.080 --> 01:17:32.480 For some of us, we know that it's 954 01:17:32.480 --> 01:17:35.560 kind of like what's coming up in my spirit is like, 955 01:17:35.560 --> 01:17:41.560 if you have ever seen something get caught in barbed wire, 956 01:17:41.560 --> 01:17:44.680 when it tries to get free, what happens? 957 01:17:44.680 --> 01:17:48.560 It actually gets entangled more, right? 958 01:17:48.560 --> 01:17:51.520 And so for some of us, we envision the heartwork 959 01:17:51.520 --> 01:17:53.520 like that. 960 01:17:53.520 --> 01:17:56.080 That's our picture of it. 961 01:17:56.080 --> 01:17:59.480 But I want you to know that God can transform, 962 01:17:59.480 --> 01:18:01.200 kind of like what I was saying to Megan. 963 01:18:01.200 --> 01:18:04.520 God wants to change the way we're looking at things. 964 01:18:04.520 --> 01:18:07.320 And so I want you to really also pray for God 965 01:18:07.320 --> 01:18:10.680 to give you a dream, whether that's a daydream, a night 966 01:18:10.680 --> 01:18:12.160 dream, whatever. 967 01:18:12.160 --> 01:18:14.160 But I want you to ask him to give you 968 01:18:14.160 --> 01:18:20.560 a dream or a vision of his perspective of your healing 969 01:18:20.560 --> 01:18:22.600 process. 970 01:18:22.600 --> 01:18:24.760 Because I think you need a revelation from heaven 971 01:18:24.760 --> 01:18:26.200 that this is going to be different. 972 01:18:26.200 --> 01:18:31.320 And the tears and the things, if at any point, I don't know, 973 01:18:31.320 --> 01:18:33.360 are you someone that you cry a lot? 974 01:18:33.360 --> 01:18:36.120 Or are you someone that at some point, you kind of shut down 975 01:18:36.120 --> 01:18:38.000 and you don't really cry? 976 01:18:38.000 --> 01:18:39.880 I'm not a crier. 977 01:18:39.880 --> 01:18:41.840 I just shut down. 978 01:18:41.840 --> 01:18:45.240 Well, at some point in your life, you shut that down. 979 01:18:45.240 --> 01:18:49.240 And so sometimes when people start to feel emotion, 980 01:18:49.240 --> 01:18:51.920 it can actually cause fear in them. 981 01:18:51.920 --> 01:18:55.480 Because the reality is, is the moment 982 01:18:55.480 --> 01:18:59.000 that they shut down their tears, something 983 01:18:59.000 --> 01:19:02.160 happened that was hard that they went through. 984 01:19:02.160 --> 01:19:06.320 And so we need God to reveal that root, that root situation 985 01:19:06.320 --> 01:19:07.960 where you shut down. 986 01:19:07.960 --> 01:19:10.240 And a lot of people will think of a recent, 987 01:19:10.440 --> 01:19:11.800 even in the last few years. 988 01:19:11.800 --> 01:19:13.440 And so start with that. 989 01:19:13.440 --> 01:19:17.560 But I'm going to guess it goes all the way back. 990 01:19:17.560 --> 01:19:18.560 OK? 991 01:19:18.560 --> 01:19:20.400 And sometimes that's the fear. 992 01:19:20.400 --> 01:19:23.800 We're afraid he's going to take us all the way back there. 993 01:19:23.800 --> 01:19:25.520 So one of the last things I'm going to say 994 01:19:25.520 --> 01:19:27.480 is I really encourage people, even 995 01:19:27.480 --> 01:19:29.440 if you've done work in some of these areas 996 01:19:29.440 --> 01:19:33.000 before, that you don't have to be afraid that it's going 997 01:19:33.000 --> 01:19:36.760 to be as painful as it was before. 998 01:19:36.760 --> 01:19:38.960 I want you to think of it like God just 999 01:19:39.000 --> 01:19:41.080 wants you to take another peek up under the hood. 1000 01:19:41.080 --> 01:19:43.920 I kind of tell people, if you can imagine popping your hood 1001 01:19:43.920 --> 01:19:45.480 and you're just kind of taking a peek, 1002 01:19:45.480 --> 01:19:47.720 you're not even opening the hood all the way. 1003 01:19:47.720 --> 01:19:49.520 You're just taking a peek up under there. 1004 01:19:49.520 --> 01:19:52.920 And God's going to help you know exactly what you need to heal 1005 01:19:52.920 --> 01:19:54.720 and process. 1006 01:19:54.720 --> 01:19:56.560 Because if you can think of it that way, 1007 01:19:56.560 --> 01:19:59.920 I feel like if it's just a peek, you're just 1008 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.520 It's just another layer that God wants to reveal for healing. 1009 01:20:04.880 --> 01:20:11.920 Then some people are like, okay, I can take a peek now and then trusting the 1010 01:20:11.920 --> 01:20:13.360 Lord to lead you in the process. 1011 01:20:13.360 --> 01:20:16.520 But like, sometimes we're afraid he's going to take us all the way 1012 01:20:16.520 --> 01:20:17.920 back through all the pain. 1013 01:20:17.960 --> 01:20:23.200 Cause I don't know about you all, but way back when, when I was in college, I 1014 01:20:23.200 --> 01:20:29.200 had despair when I was trying to deal with my past, I was alone, I didn't 1015 01:20:29.200 --> 01:20:31.440 know what to do, I went to a counselor. 1016 01:20:31.720 --> 01:20:35.360 That woman tried to like convince me to convict my brothers. 1017 01:20:35.840 --> 01:20:39.080 It was the worst thing she could have ever said to me. 1018 01:20:39.920 --> 01:20:41.120 I was terrified. 1019 01:20:42.120 --> 01:20:46.480 And the more she pressured me to go after convicting my brothers, the 1020 01:20:46.480 --> 01:20:48.600 more I shut down emotionally. 1021 01:20:49.080 --> 01:20:50.320 It's terrible advice. 1022 01:20:50.680 --> 01:20:52.280 She was not reading the room at all. 1023 01:20:53.120 --> 01:20:53.920 I was the room. 1024 01:20:54.000 --> 01:20:59.200 She wasn't, she wasn't aware of what she was doing to me as her client. 1025 01:21:00.120 --> 01:21:04.760 And so I say that to you because when I started going through the healing 1026 01:21:04.760 --> 01:21:10.720 process, you know, later in life and I needed to go to a counselor, all I 1027 01:21:10.720 --> 01:21:13.000 could think about was my experience there. 1028 01:21:14.360 --> 01:21:18.960 And I didn't want to have that happen again, because that was horrible on many 1029 01:21:18.960 --> 01:21:19.560 levels. 1030 01:21:20.080 --> 01:21:26.440 And so I had to learn that not every counselor is the same, that the 1031 01:21:26.440 --> 01:21:28.280 process isn't always the same. 1032 01:21:28.760 --> 01:21:30.640 And so we're going to be praying for you. 1033 01:21:30.840 --> 01:21:34.760 I'm so excited that you shared and that you used your voice. 1034 01:21:34.800 --> 01:21:36.640 God has good things in store for you. 1035 01:21:36.640 --> 01:21:40.040 And I believe that you are going to be able to finish that book and you're 1036 01:21:40.040 --> 01:21:41.120 going to be able to move forward. 1037 01:21:41.880 --> 01:21:42.440 Thank you. 1038 01:21:42.800 --> 01:21:43.600 You're welcome. 1039 01:21:43.600 --> 01:21:44.480 God bless you. 1040 01:21:44.480 --> 01:21:45.960 Thank you so much for sharing. 1041 01:21:46.840 --> 01:21:50.200 Is it, is it Juana? 1042 01:21:50.920 --> 01:21:51.760 Did I say it right? 1043 01:21:54.720 --> 01:21:55.400 It's Juana. 1044 01:21:55.760 --> 01:21:56.160 Yes. 1045 01:21:56.480 --> 01:21:57.080 Juana? 1046 01:21:57.280 --> 01:21:57.960 Yes. 1047 01:21:58.120 --> 01:21:58.760 Awesome. 1048 01:21:59.120 --> 01:21:59.640 How are you? 1049 01:22:00.360 --> 01:22:01.320 Doing all right. 1050 01:22:01.520 --> 01:22:01.880 Wow. 1051 01:22:01.880 --> 01:22:03.040 I didn't know you were going to pick me. 1052 01:22:03.920 --> 01:22:05.760 Yeah, you're next on my squares. 1053 01:22:06.040 --> 01:22:06.800 Awesome. 1054 01:22:06.960 --> 01:22:14.560 So yes, um, I was sharing with the lady we were in the, in the room with, and, um, 1055 01:22:14.680 --> 01:22:18.560 I told her I confessed something to her and I told her, she's like the second 1056 01:22:18.560 --> 01:22:21.480 person I say that to, or the third. 1057 01:22:22.320 --> 01:22:29.600 But, um, because every time I, uh, I make that confession, it's just, it's like 1058 01:22:29.600 --> 01:22:33.760 you said, it's like, it's, it's just hard. 1059 01:22:33.760 --> 01:22:40.040 And it's, it's scary because you don't want to feel it anymore. 1060 01:22:40.800 --> 01:22:49.240 And, um, and, but then when we went back to your room, I felt it in the spirit of 1061 01:22:49.240 --> 01:22:55.920 raising my hand and, and I felt it in my spirit to say, to say it to everybody. 1062 01:22:56.280 --> 01:23:01.720 Because at the moment, as I, I finished talking to her, I felt like a little 1063 01:23:01.720 --> 01:23:04.000 bit of a low out of my shoulders. 1064 01:23:04.440 --> 01:23:09.680 So I felt it in my spirit to confess to you guys and to share this with you 1065 01:23:09.680 --> 01:23:12.200 all, it's about my daughter. 1066 01:23:13.240 --> 01:23:19.040 Uh, when she was 13 years old, um, she was, uh, raped at school. 1067 01:23:19.960 --> 01:23:26.320 And, uh, it's something that it's have, it's been killing me ever 1068 01:23:26.320 --> 01:23:28.280 since she told me two years ago. 1069 01:23:28.840 --> 01:23:33.400 And, um, because I felt that I feel guilty about it. 1070 01:23:33.400 --> 01:23:34.800 Like I wasn't there for her. 1071 01:23:34.800 --> 01:23:36.040 Like, where was I? 1072 01:23:36.520 --> 01:23:42.400 And then the picture of what she could have gone through in my head, it's just, 1073 01:23:42.800 --> 01:23:44.040 it's just horrible. 1074 01:23:44.080 --> 01:23:47.920 And I've been praying for God to take that from me. 1075 01:23:48.360 --> 01:23:52.920 And I know that he's the only one that can help me through this because 1076 01:23:52.920 --> 01:24:00.080 this just is, it was very, um, I think this is one of the most hurtful 1077 01:24:00.080 --> 01:24:02.000 things that have happened in my life. 1078 01:24:02.000 --> 01:24:09.200 I'd gone through two divorces, but, um, this is just the most, uh, hurtful 1079 01:24:09.320 --> 01:24:11.360 thing that ever happened in my life. 1080 01:24:11.360 --> 01:24:13.880 Like hearing her telling me this. 1081 01:24:14.240 --> 01:24:18.120 And I didn't understand why at 13 years old, she totally changed. 1082 01:24:18.440 --> 01:24:20.040 I took her to places. 1083 01:24:20.040 --> 01:24:23.360 I took her to therapist, to therapist, to see what was going on. 1084 01:24:23.720 --> 01:24:26.120 Why is it that she was changing so much? 1085 01:24:26.480 --> 01:24:27.360 I have no idea. 1086 01:24:27.360 --> 01:24:28.560 I didn't know what to do. 1087 01:24:29.160 --> 01:24:31.720 And, uh, she never told me anything. 1088 01:24:32.360 --> 01:24:35.720 And, um, I, I just did not know what to do. 1089 01:24:36.800 --> 01:24:41.680 Then, um, then I divorced her dad because her dad was, he 1090 01:24:41.680 --> 01:24:43.200 was also not good for them. 1091 01:24:44.040 --> 01:24:48.720 Um, in, in the sense that he was just a very absent dad. 1092 01:24:48.720 --> 01:24:51.120 He was just, he was just not there. 1093 01:24:51.120 --> 01:24:54.240 And he treated me like that for 20 years. 1094 01:24:54.280 --> 01:24:58.400 But when he, when he started treating my daughters the same way, I was like, no, 1095 01:24:58.520 --> 01:24:59.920 I cannot show my daughters. 1096 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:11.520 this is a marriage. So I just rather be by myself and showing them life than having for them to see 1097 01:25:11.520 --> 01:25:21.120 that this is how a marriage is. So long story short, I divorced him and three years later, 1098 01:25:21.120 --> 01:25:30.720 I met Mr. Right. And so I thought, and once I was married to him, that's when she told me. 1099 01:25:31.280 --> 01:25:37.280 And then I asked her, why are you telling me this now? After all these years that I've been 1100 01:25:37.280 --> 01:25:43.040 trying, taking you from place to place, trying to figure out what's going on, why is your teen 1101 01:25:43.040 --> 01:25:48.160 trying to help you? And she's like, mom, because now I see you in a better place. I see that you 1102 01:25:48.160 --> 01:25:53.120 have somebody that protects you and somebody that is there for you. But she didn't know exactly 1103 01:25:53.120 --> 01:26:00.880 what was going on with my husband then. And she thought he was a good man, that we had a perfect 1104 01:26:00.880 --> 01:26:09.840 relationship. And that's the reason why she told me then what happened to her. And I went crazy. 1105 01:26:09.840 --> 01:26:19.120 I went crazy when she told me this. I went to the police station, wanting for her to say what 1106 01:26:19.120 --> 01:26:30.720 happened and for this boy to be held accountable for what he had done. But like the lady was 1107 01:26:30.720 --> 01:26:37.120 sharing that the more I wanted her to get things out of her, the more she shut down and she wouldn't 1108 01:26:37.120 --> 01:26:45.360 confess. She wouldn't say anything else. Actually, I was able to find out who that person is. 1109 01:26:45.360 --> 01:26:56.080 But because at this time, now she was already 17, she needed to accuse him, not me. She needed to 1110 01:26:56.080 --> 01:27:02.400 say it in order for the police to move forward with the case. So the case is still open. They 1111 01:27:02.400 --> 01:27:07.520 told me that if at one point in her life she wants to move forward with it, the case is just there. 1112 01:27:08.320 --> 01:27:15.200 But it's ever since, and I've been taking her to places to places to help her because 1113 01:27:15.200 --> 01:27:21.520 that's something horrible. But I think that it's killing me more or I mean, not saying more, but 1114 01:27:22.160 --> 01:27:26.640 just the thought of it, just the thought of it and the fact that I wasn't there for her. 1115 01:27:27.440 --> 01:27:35.280 It's just very overwhelming and it's something that I think that's the most horrible thing that 1116 01:27:35.280 --> 01:27:40.000 ever happened to me in my life. Hearing from my daughter telling me what happened to her 1117 01:27:40.000 --> 01:27:45.200 because I felt like a failure. I felt like I wasn't there for her when I should have been. 1118 01:27:46.880 --> 01:27:51.600 Well, number one, I'm so sorry that happened to your daughter. I'm sorry to hear that you guys 1119 01:27:51.600 --> 01:27:56.720 have been walking through this for a few years now. I think it's really important for you to 1120 01:27:56.720 --> 01:28:04.800 understand that getting to the root of why you believe it's your fault is going to be key for 1121 01:28:04.800 --> 01:28:11.360 you because that's kind of what's opening the door to those tormenting thoughts. You're holding 1122 01:28:11.360 --> 01:28:21.600 yourself hostage for something that, you know, someone else did, right? And it sounds like you've 1123 01:28:21.600 --> 01:28:26.720 been doing your best to be a great mom, to take her to counselors, to try to get her the help that 1124 01:28:26.720 --> 01:28:34.400 she needs. You know, ladies, we're not going to be perfect, right? And so it's really important for you 1125 01:28:34.720 --> 01:28:40.640 to forgive yourself. You know, not that you did something wrong, but you're like the 1126 01:28:41.200 --> 01:28:45.520 not forgiving yourself and carrying the guilt and the shame. That's all from the enemy. 1127 01:28:45.520 --> 01:28:49.280 Guilt, shame, and condemnation are always from the enemy. Those are not from God. 1128 01:28:50.560 --> 01:28:57.280 And it's not even what God put inside of you. And so the enemy is trying to keep you bound with the 1129 01:28:57.280 --> 01:29:02.160 I could have done this. I should have done that. You know, we can't go back and change, unfortunately, 1130 01:29:02.160 --> 01:29:09.120 the things that even we did, let alone things that other people did. All we can do is move forward. 1131 01:29:10.000 --> 01:29:14.880 So the way for you to move forward is to forgive yourself. So I want to encourage you to get out 1132 01:29:14.880 --> 01:29:18.960 of forgiveness prayer sheet this week. What week of the course are you in? 1133 01:29:20.320 --> 01:29:29.600 Fourth week, but I'm like the other lady. Too many things just come and kind of to distract me. 1134 01:29:30.320 --> 01:29:35.760 Well, you are in the perfect week. You know that because you're in forgiveness week. 1135 01:29:35.760 --> 01:29:43.040 So it couldn't be better timing, honestly. So you're right on time. I want to encourage you 1136 01:29:43.040 --> 01:29:47.760 to get out the forgiveness prayer worksheet this week. And I really want you to process forgiving 1137 01:29:47.760 --> 01:29:53.120 yourself, relinquishing. That's the word that just came up in my spirit. Not just letting like 1138 01:29:53.120 --> 01:29:59.840 relinquish it like the guilt and the shame that is not that was never intended to be on you. 1139 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.960 Yeah, it's kind of like, I understand it, but I just do not know how to process it. 1140 01:30:05.960 --> 01:30:12.360 It's like, it's like, I know that I couldn't, like, there's no way because again, it's like, 1141 01:30:12.360 --> 01:30:17.720 it's not like I send her somewhere or like, I took her to school and I used to take her 1142 01:30:17.720 --> 01:30:21.600 like I used to drive at six in the morning to take her to this school that I thought 1143 01:30:21.600 --> 01:30:24.480 it was the best place for her. 1144 01:30:25.480 --> 01:30:30.680 And it wasn't, and I think that's why it kind of like hurt me more the fact that I thought 1145 01:30:30.680 --> 01:30:36.560 I was doing the right thing for her and, and this happened on her. 1146 01:30:36.560 --> 01:30:41.480 Well, this is the thing, you know, we cannot keep our kids safe 24 seven. 1147 01:30:41.480 --> 01:30:43.920 I know that's hard for us. 1148 01:30:43.920 --> 01:30:44.920 It's hard. 1149 01:30:44.920 --> 01:30:45.920 It's hard for me. 1150 01:30:45.920 --> 01:30:52.240 Of course, if, if I, if I sit and think about some of the things my kids have had to go 1151 01:30:52.240 --> 01:30:58.960 through, I mean, yeah, it's overwhelming, but the reality is, is that you were doing 1152 01:30:58.960 --> 01:31:01.920 your best to take her to a good place. 1153 01:31:01.920 --> 01:31:04.960 Someone chose to do something harmful and evil. 1154 01:31:04.960 --> 01:31:07.000 You can choose to forgive yourself. 1155 01:31:07.000 --> 01:31:12.200 One of the things you said there at the beginning was like, when you started talking again was, 1156 01:31:12.200 --> 01:31:14.400 I don't know how to process this. 1157 01:31:14.400 --> 01:31:17.120 Well, it's one step at a time. 1158 01:31:17.120 --> 01:31:21.760 That's how, you know, um, what's that saying? 1159 01:31:21.760 --> 01:31:24.480 Do you know how to eat an elephant? 1160 01:31:24.480 --> 01:31:26.000 One bite at a time. 1161 01:31:26.000 --> 01:31:31.120 This is an elephant and the, the Lord has given you all authority and power to walk 1162 01:31:31.120 --> 01:31:33.760 forward through the blood of Jesus Christ. 1163 01:31:33.760 --> 01:31:37.200 So forgiving yourself is that first bite. 1164 01:31:37.200 --> 01:31:38.600 That's the first bite. 1165 01:31:38.600 --> 01:31:41.280 And then from there, the Lord will show you the next step. 1166 01:31:41.280 --> 01:31:42.760 It might be forgiving. 1167 01:31:42.760 --> 01:31:47.520 I would, I would even say, thank you Lord for bringing, doing a forgiveness prayer sheet 1168 01:31:47.520 --> 01:31:49.520 to forgive this boy. 1169 01:31:49.520 --> 01:31:50.520 Yeah. 1170 01:31:51.280 --> 01:31:56.600 You know, the reality is, is that dungeons is the Lord's and I know that can be really 1171 01:31:56.600 --> 01:32:02.040 hard for us, especially with things like this, but God will, if your daughter ever choose 1172 01:32:02.040 --> 01:32:06.280 to pursue like, you know, that, okay. 1173 01:32:06.280 --> 01:32:11.840 But you know, at this point it's completely surrendering all of that, all of the things 1174 01:32:11.840 --> 01:32:12.840 to the Lord. 1175 01:32:12.840 --> 01:32:16.200 Um, yeah, of course you all, it's hard to forgive our enemies. 1176 01:32:16.200 --> 01:32:21.280 If we just keep partnering with, it's hard to forgive our enemies, but if God's grace 1177 01:32:21.280 --> 01:32:30.880 is available to us, it's available for everything, including forgiving our enemies. 1178 01:32:30.880 --> 01:32:37.000 If we, if we want forgiveness, we must forgive. 1179 01:32:37.000 --> 01:32:41.320 We must now feel ready yet. 1180 01:32:41.320 --> 01:32:47.760 Remember ladies, this is the same power that rose Jesus from the dead is available to us 1181 01:32:47.760 --> 01:32:54.080 to enable us to do all things, including forgive. 1182 01:32:54.080 --> 01:32:56.320 So that's the step this week. 1183 01:32:56.320 --> 01:32:59.080 Number one, forgive yourself. 1184 01:32:59.080 --> 01:33:05.080 Number two, work on forgiving this boy and really surrendering, you know, make sure you 1185 01:33:05.080 --> 01:33:08.720 put your daughter and her healing process up on your Jesus cares board. 1186 01:33:08.720 --> 01:33:12.840 Because that's not, yeah, that's not your job to heal her. 1187 01:33:12.840 --> 01:33:14.120 You can love her. 1188 01:33:14.120 --> 01:33:15.600 You can be there for her. 1189 01:33:15.600 --> 01:33:18.560 You're doing the best that you can do now. 1190 01:33:18.560 --> 01:33:23.160 You know, the reality is, is the healing process is also going to be up to her partnering with 1191 01:33:23.160 --> 01:33:27.600 the Lord and allowing the Lord to work in her life and just praying and interceding 1192 01:33:27.600 --> 01:33:30.000 for her until she gets there. 1193 01:33:30.000 --> 01:33:33.160 You know, I always try to think of my life and my journey. 1194 01:33:33.160 --> 01:33:38.200 When I think about things, my girls are going through, I was in a really terrible place 1195 01:33:38.200 --> 01:33:40.320 and God saved me. 1196 01:33:40.320 --> 01:33:42.080 He rebuilt my life. 1197 01:33:42.080 --> 01:33:47.920 He's helped me one step at a time, one step at a time, one step at a time, take steps 1198 01:33:47.920 --> 01:33:54.840 forward and I believe he'll do the same for them as they allow him to do so. 1199 01:33:54.840 --> 01:33:59.640 So God's not a, not a man that he should lie and he's not a respecter of persons. 1200 01:33:59.640 --> 01:34:09.640 So what he's done for me and y'all, I was raped in college, legit, that happened. 1201 01:34:09.640 --> 01:34:14.200 I've been through it more than once to the point that it was literally like, really? 1202 01:34:14.200 --> 01:34:17.720 How does this freaking keep happening? 1203 01:34:17.720 --> 01:34:23.720 Well, sometimes spirits follow you around and you have to learn how to break that stuff 1204 01:34:23.720 --> 01:34:25.380 off your life. 1205 01:34:25.380 --> 01:34:30.340 I will not, I will not bow to the spirit of lust or fear in my life. 1206 01:34:30.340 --> 01:34:31.420 I will not. 1207 01:34:31.420 --> 01:34:32.820 And so I had to overcome that stuff. 1208 01:34:32.820 --> 01:34:37.060 I had to forgive myself because I had all kinds of guilt too, because I thought, well, 1209 01:34:37.060 --> 01:34:39.500 man, I shouldn't have gone to that party with my friends. 1210 01:34:39.500 --> 01:34:40.500 What? 1211 01:34:40.500 --> 01:34:45.020 I just went, I went to a party and somebody put stuff in my drink. 1212 01:34:45.020 --> 01:34:46.020 Somebody I thought I could trust. 1213 01:34:46.020 --> 01:34:48.500 Well, was that my fault? 1214 01:34:48.500 --> 01:34:54.220 No, but you better believe I thought it was, but I had to learn how to, I had to learn 1215 01:34:54.220 --> 01:35:00.020 how to let that go and forgive myself, even though I didn't do anything. 1216 01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.880 wrong I had to learn how to forgive myself because in order to let go of the guilt and the shame I 1217 01:35:04.880 --> 01:35:13.360 had to forgive myself for what I thought being in the wrong place at the wrong time not setting 1218 01:35:13.360 --> 01:35:19.200 boundaries with people my friend wanted to go and like stay with in this room well I shouldn't have 1219 01:35:19.200 --> 01:35:25.600 gone to that room with her and this guy you know I'm not saying it was my fault but I also owned 1220 01:35:25.600 --> 01:35:33.840 my side of the street and forgave myself does that make sense everyone because yeah so I promise you 1221 01:35:33.840 --> 01:35:40.080 I know it's not easy but it's going to be worth it and you can do this I believe in you I believe 1222 01:35:40.080 --> 01:35:47.280 that you can forgive and that you guys can move forward and the more that you heal I promise 1223 01:35:47.280 --> 01:35:53.920 whether it's immediate or not it is going to help your daughter thank you I actually did not realize 1224 01:35:53.920 --> 01:36:02.720 that that's that's one of the things that I need to do forgive that boy because uh it's just again 1225 01:36:02.720 --> 01:36:08.240 just the thought of it is just kills me and I that's I think that's where I need to start 1226 01:36:08.880 --> 01:36:14.240 exactly where I need to start thank you so much for you're welcome thank you for trusting us 1227 01:36:14.240 --> 01:36:22.080 ladies this is powerful stuff is it not all right so let's see I have Beth and Haley what we're 1228 01:36:22.080 --> 01:36:27.600 going to do I'm going to go four more minutes and I know this is really hard because you guys probably 1229 01:36:27.600 --> 01:36:32.400 have important stories too but what I'm going to do we're going to do a quick round I want to hear 1230 01:36:32.400 --> 01:36:37.440 what you guys are confessing and then what I want you to do is go into the group and tell us anything 1231 01:36:37.440 --> 01:36:42.320 else you didn't have the time to tell us okay if there's other things you know because it is 1232 01:36:42.320 --> 01:36:47.680 important for you to be able to share fully does that make sense what I'm saying all right so I'm 1233 01:36:47.680 --> 01:36:54.720 going to go to Beth first Beth will go and then after Beth is done um so you guys both go one 1234 01:36:54.720 --> 01:36:59.360 after the other and then what I'm going to do is I'll do any coaching for both of you and then close 1235 01:36:59.360 --> 01:37:12.160 the night out okay okay hi hi this is my first time second time live and first time sharing so 1236 01:37:12.160 --> 01:37:22.480 welcome I actually had a question um about I'm in week three and I the lord is revealing some 1237 01:37:22.480 --> 01:37:30.960 things about um some memories that I that I just kind of had a revealing for healing I guess of 1238 01:37:31.600 --> 01:37:38.320 rejection like all these memories of from my childhood of different groups of people rejecting 1239 01:37:38.320 --> 01:37:47.440 me and so um I think that's like a route um to like why I haven't really been able to receive 1240 01:37:47.440 --> 01:37:54.480 love and also like how I put myself out there in the dating world or just in relation in potential 1241 01:37:54.480 --> 01:38:02.080 relationships um so my question was just like what are some like I haven't finished my processing 1242 01:38:02.080 --> 01:38:07.840 my journaling so I kind of got stuck and distracted um you know so I was tracking 1243 01:38:07.840 --> 01:38:12.080 with everything you were saying there but you know about how the enemy tries to distract us 1244 01:38:12.080 --> 01:38:19.920 um my question is like are there what are like some tools for processing or like what do I do 1245 01:38:19.920 --> 01:38:27.440 with this now um right yeah this is a great question but I mean I can still like confess 1246 01:38:27.440 --> 01:38:32.240 stuff if you want me to I didn't mean to no no avoid what you suggested I just I don't feel like 1247 01:38:32.240 --> 01:38:36.560 you're avoiding it I think that's a really great question if you felt led to confess something you 1248 01:38:36.560 --> 01:38:43.200 would have I think that's totally fine um so you can stay there don't don't don't uh lower your 1249 01:38:43.200 --> 01:38:50.560 hand and then Haley um let's hear what you have to say okay um yeah I shared this in my group so 1250 01:38:50.560 --> 01:38:55.920 I just turned 40 I've never been married never had kids always wanted both I just found out that 1251 01:38:55.920 --> 01:39:01.440 I'm pregnant on Friday and I am freaking out I'm having all the negative emotions you could 1252 01:39:01.440 --> 01:39:10.400 possibly imagine all the shame regret embarrassment shock I feel kind of numb at this point I um 1253 01:39:10.400 --> 01:39:15.360 yeah I have a really good friend who's very wise in the spirit who's been just very helpful to me 1254 01:39:15.360 --> 01:39:20.400 but I I guess I'm just saying I'm freaking out and I feel the first thought that I had was I just 1255 01:39:20.400 --> 01:39:25.120 feel like my life has been one dark night of the soul to the next and I've been having to renounce 1256 01:39:25.120 --> 01:39:31.520 that uh and I just felt like I just gotten on my feet again from from just life you know and then I 1257 01:39:31.520 --> 01:39:38.880 just get knocked down again and yeah that's what I'm going through right now Haley thank you for 1258 01:39:38.880 --> 01:39:44.480 telling us and being vulnerable um I'm gonna I'm gonna respond to Beth first and then I'm gonna 1259 01:39:44.480 --> 01:39:51.520 circle back and uh coach you on a couple things there so so Beth on the rejection really the 1260 01:39:51.600 --> 01:39:57.200 biggest things um the revealing for healing cycle is huge I know it might not some people 1261 01:39:57.200 --> 01:39:59.920 aren't sure what to do with that we will do a session 1262 01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:05.040 on that where I'll walk you guys through kind of my process is how like what we try to teach 1263 01:40:05.040 --> 01:40:11.440 people on how to get to the root of things. So really working step by step on that revealing 1264 01:40:11.440 --> 01:40:16.160 for healing cycle will be a huge asset to you for processing things that are coming up. 1265 01:40:16.160 --> 01:40:20.480 And if you don't, if you don't fully understand some of it, you can come in the group and ask us 1266 01:40:20.480 --> 01:40:27.280 like, I'm not sure really what like, I'm just going to give an example. Like what painful 1267 01:40:27.280 --> 01:40:30.720 memories is like, what is the difference between that and one of the other ones? You know, 1268 01:40:30.720 --> 01:40:37.840 people will ask us that a lot. But as far as also processing rejection, I think one of the 1269 01:40:37.840 --> 01:40:44.960 biggest things is a like, when you said there, these are lots of people that have, you know, 1270 01:40:44.960 --> 01:40:49.520 rejected you throughout your life, and you're having these memories surface, I would really 1271 01:40:49.520 --> 01:40:56.000 recommend asking God what the similarity is. Okay. So for example, I used to attract really 1272 01:40:56.000 --> 01:41:04.640 unhealthy men. And they were abusive men, they were men that struggled with addictions of 1273 01:41:04.640 --> 01:41:13.200 different kinds, whether it was alcohol, or porn, sex addictions. And so I'm one day, it hit me like 1274 01:41:13.200 --> 01:41:20.720 I was the common denominator. And so I had to look at like, okay, it wasn't my fault that these people 1275 01:41:20.720 --> 01:41:26.960 were behaving in these ways, right. But I had to look at, okay, like, what's leading me to date 1276 01:41:26.960 --> 01:41:32.000 people like this and attract people like this, and really start getting to the root of the matter. 1277 01:41:32.000 --> 01:41:35.920 And part of it, I had done a lot of healing work regarding the sexual abuse I'd been through, I'd 1278 01:41:35.920 --> 01:41:40.800 done a lot of work regarding, you know, my dad being an alcoholic, like just a lot of the painful 1279 01:41:40.800 --> 01:41:47.280 stuff from growing up. But what I found is that there were additional layers of healing that I 1280 01:41:47.280 --> 01:41:55.200 really needed to work through regarding just the physical abuse that I saw between my siblings, 1281 01:41:55.760 --> 01:42:02.080 and my core identity, what I believed about myself. Because in my head, I valued myself, 1282 01:42:02.080 --> 01:42:08.480 but in my heart, there were a lot of areas, I didn't think I was worth good things. 1283 01:42:09.920 --> 01:42:13.760 And I've been a Christian for a long time, I believed it in my head that I was worth good 1284 01:42:13.760 --> 01:42:19.600 things, but my heart subconscious was telling me a different story. And so I would start dating 1285 01:42:19.600 --> 01:42:24.480 guys, and I would see flags, I would see things that weren't good, and I would keep dating them. 1286 01:42:26.240 --> 01:42:32.240 Because by that point, oftentimes, I was kind of hooked in because of something. So whether they 1287 01:42:32.240 --> 01:42:38.000 love bomb me, or, you know, with their kids, they drew me in, or, you know, there was just always 1288 01:42:38.000 --> 01:42:43.680 some kind of lure that the enemy would use. So I use that as an example to tell you, I had to really 1289 01:42:43.680 --> 01:42:52.480 get to like, okay, what's the common denominator me? And how did I get to that place, like where 1290 01:42:52.480 --> 01:42:58.800 I'm allowing myself to enter these relationships. So I had a lot of rejection in my life as well. 1291 01:42:59.600 --> 01:43:05.200 I felt rejected by my mom when I was little. I felt rejected by my dad before that, because my 1292 01:43:05.200 --> 01:43:10.240 dad left, like literally, my mom was still in the hospital with me. I was actually thinking about 1293 01:43:10.240 --> 01:43:17.680 this the other day, I wondered if one day, like when my dad came back, how I how I was as a baby 1294 01:43:17.680 --> 01:43:23.360 with him, because, you know, he was just like gone. And like, you know, attachments, you know, 1295 01:43:23.360 --> 01:43:27.120 theories and all this stuff. When you start watching videos of how that functions, you 1296 01:43:27.120 --> 01:43:31.360 realize the baby that doesn't know someone like they're just not going to be connected to them. 1297 01:43:33.200 --> 01:43:39.280 But then people that love them, they're connected to them. So interestingly enough, I was just 1298 01:43:39.280 --> 01:43:43.520 thinking about this the other day, like, I wondered what I was like, when my dad came back, 1299 01:43:43.520 --> 01:43:48.400 like as a little toddler, like, and I don't even know why I'm sharing this with you. But I just 1300 01:43:48.400 --> 01:43:55.520 like that thought occurred to me, like, huh, because my dad was who I struggled with the most. 1301 01:43:56.240 --> 01:44:02.480 Because I like chased after him, I wanted him to love me. I find it showing up even with I'm making 1302 01:44:02.480 --> 01:44:06.880 some connections, even for myself right now as I'm talking to you. But I've even found it showing up 1303 01:44:06.880 --> 01:44:12.640 with friends that were supposed to be like really great friends. And then one day, they just decide 1304 01:44:12.640 --> 01:44:16.960 that they don't want to be friends anymore. And it's not even something literally you all would 1305 01:44:16.960 --> 01:44:24.560 tell you if I did something like literally, they just changed their mind. Or they like the one 1306 01:44:24.560 --> 01:44:31.360 person used the Lord a lot is her excuse. Like, well, the Lord is just leading me over here. 1307 01:44:31.360 --> 01:44:35.200 And y'all, I believe in the flow of the Spirit. You know, for those of you that know me in this 1308 01:44:35.200 --> 01:44:40.960 community, you know, I believe in that. But you know what, sometimes we can use that as an excuse 1309 01:44:42.400 --> 01:44:49.760 and treat people really badly. Right? So I start looking at these patterns. And so even as I'm 1310 01:44:49.760 --> 01:44:54.000 talking to you, I'm seeing a pattern like I used to chase after my dad, I've always wanted him to 1311 01:44:54.000 --> 01:44:59.920 love me. I want I wanted him to pursue me. And I find the same thing with these 1312 01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:07.560 is friends. I always long for them to come back and apologize and make it right and want 1313 01:45:07.560 --> 01:45:12.440 to be my friend. You know, I can, I mean, like I have friends. It's not like I don't 1314 01:45:12.440 --> 01:45:19.520 have friends, but it's something about when people leave us, they reject us. You know, 1315 01:45:19.520 --> 01:45:25.060 it goes into the core lies that we believe of abandonment. You know, so I would even 1316 01:45:25.060 --> 01:45:29.580 encourage you Beth to look at what are, what are some of the core lies? Is it neglect? 1317 01:45:29.580 --> 01:45:34.460 Is it abandonment? But you need the Lord to reveal those things to you. And so not that 1318 01:45:34.460 --> 01:45:39.940 that's necessarily a tool right now, but I feel like it's really important for you to 1319 01:45:39.940 --> 01:45:44.780 kind of be in discovery mode before you try to put a bunch of tools in place. Does that 1320 01:45:44.780 --> 01:45:50.420 make sense? Yeah. And then let's kind of revisit even a week from now, like what else has come 1321 01:45:50.420 --> 01:45:54.540 up for you, whether you put a post in the group or you come live again and we can talk 1322 01:45:54.540 --> 01:45:59.620 more about it. Okay. Okay. Thanks. Ladies. Sometimes it's going to be layers. It's going 1323 01:45:59.620 --> 01:46:07.380 to take time. So Haley on yours. One of the first things that I'm, I really want to encourage 1324 01:46:07.380 --> 01:46:11.940 you to, to kind of spend some time with the Lord. When you said, I feel like I go from 1325 01:46:11.940 --> 01:46:20.180 one dark night of the soul to the next. So here's the tricky part. You know, earlier 1326 01:46:20.180 --> 01:46:28.020 when I was talking about my own self and I said I had to own my side of the street, 1327 01:46:28.020 --> 01:46:31.380 I don't know you. I feel like, I mean, I'm getting to know you through the group, but 1328 01:46:31.380 --> 01:46:36.500 I don't know you really well, but I want this to land really softly as much as softly as 1329 01:46:36.500 --> 01:46:44.220 I can say it. I think it's going to be really important for you to own whatever is your 1330 01:46:44.220 --> 01:46:51.380 role in the story. Okay. And, and what I mean by that is that other people probably 1331 01:46:51.380 --> 01:46:55.320 have done things, you've gone through things, the enemies probably attacked you as well. 1332 01:46:55.320 --> 01:47:00.660 So it's not like you ended up in all these situations just, you know, for no reason, 1333 01:47:00.660 --> 01:47:06.860 obviously the enemy has been doing things too. But the reality is, is that ladies, even 1334 01:47:06.860 --> 01:47:13.540 myself, if I looked back at my life, there were tragedies. Okay. There were, okay. My 1335 01:47:13.540 --> 01:47:18.300 family was hit by a drunk driver. My dad was a drug addict, alcoholic. My brother 1336 01:47:18.300 --> 01:47:23.020 sexually abused me. I just told you guys I was raped in college. Yes, that is one dark 1337 01:47:23.020 --> 01:47:28.100 night of the soul after another. And y'all, those are just four things. I, there's lots 1338 01:47:28.100 --> 01:47:36.900 more of major traumatic things I've gone through, but then the other things and there, you know, 1339 01:47:36.900 --> 01:47:47.900 some of those things were my decision, like dating the girl's dad. God tried to talk to 1340 01:47:47.900 --> 01:47:57.460 me to leave him and not date him very early on in that relationship. And I kept dating 1341 01:47:57.460 --> 01:48:07.900 him for six years. Now I could blame that all on God. And I could blame that on being 1342 01:48:07.900 --> 01:48:14.460 a dark night of the soul. And that it's just, this is my life. Or I could look at it and 1343 01:48:14.460 --> 01:48:22.900 see how God was with me that whole time, loving me, pursuing me, trying to draw me out of 1344 01:48:22.900 --> 01:48:30.580 that place. He was the light. The light was always there. But my perspective was focused 1345 01:48:30.580 --> 01:48:36.420 on what wasn't and what other people were doing to me. I was living in victim for far 1346 01:48:36.420 --> 01:48:43.460 too long. So I don't know all of your story. I don't know what all of the traumas you've 1347 01:48:43.460 --> 01:48:47.620 been through, but I want you to know that the light of Christ has always been there 1348 01:48:47.620 --> 01:48:52.860 with you, Haley. And I want you to think about it. And I know that this is not an easy 1349 01:48:52.860 --> 01:48:57.060 shift. This is just something that I'm going to encourage you to do day by day. As you 1350 01:48:57.060 --> 01:49:04.220 keep walking forward. I used to think of when I would go through a tunnel, it would feel 1351 01:49:04.220 --> 01:49:07.900 really dark. And you know, there's that saying there's, there's a light at the end of the 1352 01:49:07.900 --> 01:49:13.900 tunnel. Anybody else ever heard that? There's a light at the end of the tunnel. So I kept 1353 01:49:13.900 --> 01:49:18.540 feeling like frustrated because I felt like I was in the middle of the freaking tunnel 1354 01:49:18.540 --> 01:49:25.340 and I couldn't get out. If I could just get to the light, then maybe I would have a better 1355 01:49:25.340 --> 01:49:36.940 life. And one day God said to me, well, if I'm in you, I'm with you. And if I'm with 1356 01:49:36.940 --> 01:49:44.940 you, I'm the light. So if I'm in the dark middle of the tunnel, guess what the reality 1357 01:49:44.940 --> 01:49:56.220 is is that tunnel is no longer dark because Christ is with me. It changed my life. That 1358 01:49:56.220 --> 01:49:58.940 comment from the Lord changed my life. 1359 01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:04.460 Because in that moment I realized, oh my gosh, 1360 01:50:05.360 --> 01:50:08.500 I can look at this and believe that I'm just in the dark, 1361 01:50:08.500 --> 01:50:10.760 I live in the dark, my life is dark, 1362 01:50:10.760 --> 01:50:13.520 or I can remember and focus on the truth 1363 01:50:13.520 --> 01:50:16.360 that Jesus Christ is with me 1364 01:50:16.360 --> 01:50:17.680 and greater is he that is in me 1365 01:50:17.680 --> 01:50:20.200 than he that is in the world in the middle of this tunnel. 1366 01:50:20.200 --> 01:50:22.120 This tunnel is no longer dark 1367 01:50:22.120 --> 01:50:26.700 because Christ who is the light of the world is with me. 1368 01:50:27.700 --> 01:50:31.620 It'll literally, you guys, if you can imagine 1369 01:50:31.620 --> 01:50:34.100 in my mind's eye, it was like all of a sudden 1370 01:50:34.100 --> 01:50:36.140 that tunnel just lit right up. 1371 01:50:37.060 --> 01:50:39.380 That's what that was like for me. 1372 01:50:39.380 --> 01:50:41.420 I'm not saying that's gonna help you right now 1373 01:50:41.420 --> 01:50:42.820 in this moment, but I hope it does. 1374 01:50:42.820 --> 01:50:45.340 And I hope that that takes root in your soul 1375 01:50:45.340 --> 01:50:48.720 and that you start to view your life differently. 1376 01:50:49.920 --> 01:50:54.920 God has gifts for you, he forgives you, he loves you, 1377 01:50:55.000 --> 01:50:59.920 he's gonna help you walk this out and be a great mom. 1378 01:50:59.920 --> 01:51:02.880 This does not have to be a dark night of your soul. 1379 01:51:04.840 --> 01:51:06.760 You can receive the absolute, 1380 01:51:06.760 --> 01:51:09.000 unconditional love of the Father. 1381 01:51:09.000 --> 01:51:11.200 Here's the reality, ladies, I know I'm going longer 1382 01:51:11.200 --> 01:51:13.640 than I said I was going to, but it's good. 1383 01:51:13.640 --> 01:51:14.940 Here's the reality. 1384 01:51:16.000 --> 01:51:21.000 When we are at our worst, God loves us. 1385 01:51:22.000 --> 01:51:26.160 So Haley, do I think that God had a different plan? 1386 01:51:26.160 --> 01:51:27.760 Yeah, I do. 1387 01:51:27.760 --> 01:51:32.760 But you know what, he loves you fully right now. 1388 01:51:36.240 --> 01:51:38.840 He's not looking at you like, oh my gosh, 1389 01:51:38.840 --> 01:51:42.600 my daughter, she's such a freaking mess. 1390 01:51:42.600 --> 01:51:44.480 No, uh-uh. 1391 01:51:46.440 --> 01:51:49.960 He's like, man, my Haley girl, 1392 01:51:50.920 --> 01:51:55.920 I love her, I want her to know how much I love her. 1393 01:51:56.680 --> 01:52:01.380 She's mine, I cover her, I'm with her. 1394 01:52:02.520 --> 01:52:04.840 But it's up to us to believe that. 1395 01:52:06.300 --> 01:52:10.360 He can't force us to believe it, he just speaks it. 1396 01:52:10.360 --> 01:52:12.280 He declared it in his word. 1397 01:52:13.560 --> 01:52:17.600 So for you, if that's hard for you to believe, Haley, 1398 01:52:17.640 --> 01:52:20.840 I really want you to ask God to help you get to the root 1399 01:52:20.840 --> 01:52:23.600 of why you believe he doesn't really love you. 1400 01:52:24.480 --> 01:52:25.920 That's not hard for me to believe. 1401 01:52:25.920 --> 01:52:29.340 In fact, I was praying about it, and I was like, 1402 01:52:29.340 --> 01:52:30.180 God, where are you? 1403 01:52:30.180 --> 01:52:32.260 And I just saw Father God kneeling next to me 1404 01:52:32.260 --> 01:52:35.120 with his arm around me, and Jesus kneeling 1405 01:52:35.120 --> 01:52:37.440 on the other side of me with his arm around me, 1406 01:52:37.440 --> 01:52:42.440 and the Holy Spirit is a halo of flowers above my head. 1407 01:52:42.440 --> 01:52:46.180 And I really just sensed that I found out, 1408 01:52:46.180 --> 01:52:47.340 every time I'm like, where are you? 1409 01:52:47.340 --> 01:52:50.240 I see the two of them and the Holy Spirit above me. 1410 01:52:50.240 --> 01:52:52.580 It's been so beautiful because I also, 1411 01:52:52.580 --> 01:52:54.620 there is so many red flags with this relationship, 1412 01:52:54.620 --> 01:52:57.660 and it's very unlike me for me to ignore red flag 1413 01:52:57.660 --> 01:53:00.180 after red flag, that's not typical for me, 1414 01:53:00.180 --> 01:53:02.420 but I just did, I did. 1415 01:53:02.420 --> 01:53:06.100 And that's where I'm having trouble forgiving myself. 1416 01:53:06.100 --> 01:53:09.380 Like, why did I keep saying yes to seeing him 1417 01:53:09.380 --> 01:53:12.020 when he kept pushing and pushing sexual boundaries, 1418 01:53:12.020 --> 01:53:14.100 and I kept saying, no, no, no. 1419 01:53:14.100 --> 01:53:17.460 And yet, I kept seeing him, and that's where I'm like, 1420 01:53:17.460 --> 01:53:20.100 what was wrong, what is wrong with me? 1421 01:53:20.100 --> 01:53:21.260 Like, why was I like that? 1422 01:53:21.260 --> 01:53:24.300 I've never really done that before, 1423 01:53:24.300 --> 01:53:27.940 and I'm just, I guess I'm just still kind of shocked 1424 01:53:27.940 --> 01:53:29.860 and numbed, I feel kind of numb, 1425 01:53:29.860 --> 01:53:32.620 and I think I'm, I've always been like a freezer, 1426 01:53:32.620 --> 01:53:34.740 and I feel like I kind of froze in the moment, 1427 01:53:34.740 --> 01:53:37.300 and I struggle with being disagreeable, 1428 01:53:37.300 --> 01:53:39.180 which is why I have fences upon fences 1429 01:53:39.180 --> 01:53:40.900 upon fences of boundaries, 1430 01:53:40.900 --> 01:53:43.500 and he just blew by all of them. 1431 01:53:45.100 --> 01:53:47.660 So, okay, let me ask you a clarifying question, 1432 01:53:47.660 --> 01:53:49.780 because when you started, you said, 1433 01:53:50.860 --> 01:53:53.300 I'm in one dark night of the soul after another. 1434 01:53:53.300 --> 01:53:54.900 So my question for you is, 1435 01:53:54.900 --> 01:53:57.220 if God has already given you a vision 1436 01:53:57.220 --> 01:54:00.820 of how much he's with you, and he's covering you, 1437 01:54:00.820 --> 01:54:03.180 and it sounds like a beautiful vision, 1438 01:54:04.180 --> 01:54:07.820 why would you describe this as a dark night of the soul? 1439 01:54:07.820 --> 01:54:09.940 No, that was my first thought when I found out, 1440 01:54:09.940 --> 01:54:11.260 that was my very immediate thought, 1441 01:54:11.260 --> 01:54:13.140 but I had to reject that, and I did, 1442 01:54:13.180 --> 01:54:14.260 and I was like, renounce that, 1443 01:54:14.260 --> 01:54:15.620 I know that that's not true, 1444 01:54:15.620 --> 01:54:17.020 but that's what it can feel like, 1445 01:54:17.020 --> 01:54:19.660 because I've had like decades of chronic illness, 1446 01:54:19.660 --> 01:54:23.860 like deep, deep debt, so much depression, 1447 01:54:23.860 --> 01:54:25.940 but God's gotten me through all of those things, 1448 01:54:25.940 --> 01:54:29.300 and I was having to exhort my own soul, 1449 01:54:29.300 --> 01:54:30.860 like, God, you got me through this, 1450 01:54:30.860 --> 01:54:31.700 you got me through this, 1451 01:54:31.700 --> 01:54:34.020 but it just feels like I'm just having to get through 1452 01:54:34.020 --> 01:54:35.180 one thing after another, 1453 01:54:35.180 --> 01:54:38.180 and it's been decades of things, 1454 01:54:38.180 --> 01:54:42.620 and it just feels like a lot, 1455 01:54:42.940 --> 01:54:43.900 and so lonely, 1456 01:54:43.900 --> 01:54:46.580 because it's all been mostly by myself, 1457 01:54:46.580 --> 01:54:49.060 and I have to remind myself 1458 01:54:49.060 --> 01:54:50.740 that that's not exactly true either, though, 1459 01:54:50.740 --> 01:54:52.020 like, there's been so many, 1460 01:54:52.020 --> 01:54:53.500 my family's very supportive, 1461 01:54:53.500 --> 01:54:55.060 I've had amazing friends, 1462 01:54:55.060 --> 01:54:58.740 but it can feel just really, really alone. 1463 01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:14.000 Okay, two last things. One of the things that as you started clarifying, because I would have never guessed from how you describe things, that you feel like God has always gotten you through this stuff. 1464 01:55:15.000 --> 01:55:23.400 Okay, so that this is good. This is why we coach because you're saying, okay, no, I feel like this. And then we can kind of toggle back and forth to get to the root. 1465 01:55:24.400 --> 01:55:35.400 So one of the things we talk about is when we say, and again, we are going to have feelings, y'all, we're all going to feel stuff. But one of the things we have to be really careful about is making sure that feelings aren't getting in the driver's seat. 1466 01:55:37.400 --> 01:55:46.400 Okay, and so we can feel something and know that God is with us and that you know, okay, like she's saying, yeah, this is not true. I believe this instead. 1467 01:55:47.400 --> 01:55:58.400 The second thing I want to say is, um, you said, I'm not sure why I blew past, you know, these boundaries with this guy. Well, I think the loneliness is the root of the matter. 1468 01:55:59.400 --> 01:56:13.400 So I really want you to look at, I really want you to look at the loneliness with the Lord. And I'm not just the current loneliness, I want you to ask the Lord and even if you already think like, because sometimes people be like, I already know what it is. 1469 01:56:13.400 --> 01:56:36.400 And you might, but I want you to stay in discovery mode and really ask the Lord, when is the first time? When's the first time I felt deep loneliness, not just a little loneliness, deep loneliness, what was happening? What were the lies I believed when that happened? And let's see where the Lord leads you with that. Okay. 1470 01:56:37.400 --> 01:56:41.400 Awesome. Well, we're praying for you and your little baby, your little baby chick there. 1471 01:56:41.400 --> 01:56:43.400 I can't hear that yet. I can't hear that. 1472 01:56:46.400 --> 01:57:03.400 We're gonna bless her. Well, her or he, we don't know, baby, babe chicken there. So we'll pray for safety and all the things and God's provision for you. Ladies, this has been an awesome night. I'm so glad you've been here. Let me pray us out. Father, thank you so much for everything you're doing. 1473 01:57:03.400 --> 01:57:18.400 God, I thank you for just additional confessions and repentance. It's going to come out of tonight. God, we ask you to dislodge things again, just as I prayed earlier tonight, things that we cannot see. God, we ask you to bring those to the surface. 1474 01:57:18.400 --> 01:57:28.400 God, we thank you for supernatural breakthroughs, revelation and healing. God, that it will be ours, that we'll live in that. We'll walk in that. We thank you that we are victorious in you. 1475 01:57:29.400 --> 01:57:53.400 God, I pray also for Sela, rest for every one of these ladies. Let them experience your freedom and your power and your grace and fresh ways. Surround them with your love, Lord. And Lord, just give them divine revelation of what heaven and experiencing your love looks like, feels like, sounds like, and help them to hear that louder than any voice of the enemy. In Jesus name. Amen. 1476 01:57:53.400 --> 01:57:58.400 God bless you all. I hope you have a good night. We'll be seeing you all in the group. Okay. Bye everyone.