Hello, and welcome. Hi. Hi. Hi. People are going to start logging in. Some of you are already here. It's great to see you all. Hi, Rebecca. Hi, Jessica, Shekinah, Beth, and Haley are here with us. And I'm sure more people will join here shortly.
It's good to see you all tonight. If more of y'all can come on camera, it would be awesome to see you. Hi. I have a couple of housekeeping things, so I'm going to go ahead and start to talk about those, and then I'll welcome additional people as they join.
So tonight, just a reminder, this is one of the ones I do every now and then, just that our best practice, what we recommend when you're in the heart work process is that you all would press pause on dating, on trying to meet guys during this time, so that you can focus on your heart healing and the main things that will help you, what we believe, divinely and supernaturally accelerate in your life in every area in the days ahead.
And so when we don't have our focus on the man, even though we know that you guys, most of you, not all of you, but most of you have come here because you're believing for a spirit mate, which we're cheering that love story on. We believe in your love story.
But we also know that the heart work works, and it's what helps you step into a healthy relationship in the future. And so we're so glad that you're here, that you're learning, but we want to make sure that you guys are really leaning into really resisting distractions, even men, old guys popping up. That happens all the time when people step into heart work.
I used to tell people that literally when I would be doing heart work sessions, my spiritual daughter's dad would text and it wouldn't even be about like us always, like, it wouldn't be like him saying we should get back together. He would try to use the girls and stuff about the girls to get my attention and draw me into conversation. And that happened a lot.
And so I had to learn how to just ignore all that stuff and not get distracted when I would be on heart work sessions. So maybe for you, it's not that maybe it's another kind of distraction. Maybe you're someone that, you know, maybe you have enmeshment or codependency going on with your parents or siblings or friends, and they're blowing up your phone when you're on sessions.
I want to give you just the absolute permission to totally unplug from all of that because you're here to receive, to heal, to grow, and to launch forward into what God has for you.
If you did not know this, we have an announcements tab in the app. So when you log into the Last Year Single app, you're going to see announcements. That's one of the tabs in there. Anything that we announce or that's going on, any of the activations, as soon as those are posted, we're going to pin those.
And when we pin those, when you click on that announcement tab, it's going to show you those like all right. Excuse me. Sorry, my nose is a little stuffy tonight. It'll show you all those right in order. And you won't have to scroll through other people's posts to see them.
And then I want to encourage you all to listen to Supernatural Saturday. It's titled Pain is Not My Identity, but it was very centered around overcoming mother wounds and how those impact our identity, our attachment styles, all kinds of stuff.
And then actually, I'll look. We were going to put up, we don't always record Sunday nights, you all, but last night's Sunday night activation, really powerful. I was not able to be there for the whole thing, but I've heard a great deal about it. I want to encourage you all to check that out. If you have time, I'm just looking to see if the replay is up.
If my Wi-Fi. Yeah. Okay, cool. So they're both there under the Replays tab. Check those out. And really just, you know, even Jackie was saying today to our team that even if we just have the Sunday night activation playing, you know, while we were working, it would be worth us listening to.
So whether even if you're driving now, some of you, if you've had a lot of mother wounds, I probably recommend the first time listening to it when you're stationary somewhere, just because you might need to process some things and we want you to be safe while you're driving.
Okay, so here's one of my last housekeeping. This is kind of like an activation. So I'm going to put it up as like a listed activation tonight during our live session, but I already posted the activation for this week, the post. So you won't see it in the post, but I want to encourage you all to do something fun this week to get out and do something fun this week.
Because here's the reality. When we're processing heart work or wounds from the past, it stirs up a lot of stuff in our body and we need to also have fun.
to kind of like even us out, to balance out what we're working on.
So be intentional to do something fun.
Maybe go for a hike, explore somewhere new that you've never been.
Maybe go to a town, maybe swing on a swing,
and kind of reconnect with the little girl inside of yourself.
Maybe you want to watch a funny movie.
So that's not necessarily getting out of your house,
but maybe if you go to a movie theater, it would be.
So this is vital to our healing journey
because, you know, you want to think about the scripture
that talks about laughter is good medicine.
So that's that Proverbs 17, 22.
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
So many of us, when we go through hard things,
we shut down, we isolate, we withdraw.
And so when we're activating the fun side of us,
what's happening is we're also allowing God to percolate some of that other stuff.
So you will find as you're having revealings for healing
and then go do fun stuff, it's going to kind of like activate even more.
Some of you guys are going to connect with sides of yourself
that you haven't in a long time.
So maybe, I just kind of heard this in my spirit,
some of you need to just skip.
I know that sounds like such a small thing,
but like when you're on a walk instead of just, you know,
being on the walk to kind of skip and like,
I don't know, just again, like it's like that little kid spirit in us.
Have a little bit of fun on your journey.
All right, let me pray for us.
We're going to dive into the content tonight.
Father, thank you so much for everything that you're doing.
God, I thank you for the little things.
I thank you for the big things.
I thank you for everything in between.
God, we ask you to reveal areas for healing.
Lord, bring the unknown things to the surface.
We don't know what we don't know until we know it.
God, thank you that you'll bring the things that are needed
and necessary for movement forward in every one of these ladies' lives
to the surface tonight and in the days to come.
We thank you for divine connections.
Yeah, Lord, and just revelation and insight from heaven above.
Lord, I ask you to comfort ladies tonight too
and just help them to feel safe,
help them to feel challenged to get out of their comfort zone.
Lord, we ask you to take in everything that they're going to hear
and allow it to take root in their hearts.
Lord, that it would produce fruit a hundredfold in their lives.
We just thank you, Holy Spirit, for being here,
being our comforter, our counselor, our guide,
and that you're our ever-present help at all times and in all situations
and even tonight. In Jesus' name, amen.
So tonight we are talking, which I should pause and say,
welcome to the additional ladies that have joined since I've been chatting.
Hello, hello, hello. It's so great to see you all.
If you can come on camera, we would love to see you here.
If you're joining us new, this is your first time you've ever been here.
Would love for you to go ahead and say hi to us.
Let us know it's your first time so we can welcome you.
For all of my ladies rejoining, welcome back.
It's awesome to have you here with us.
What an awesome investment you are.
Did you know that you are your best investment?
Why don't you kind of let that sink in?
You are your best investment.
And even for those of you that have kids,
you know, in our Christian churches and society, a lot of times people,
you know, it's like we think we, if we think about ourselves too much, it's selfish.
And I'm not saying you want to be selfish or think about yourself too much.
But what I'm saying right now is that some of you have been in very religious teachings.
You've been in very abusive kind of environments.
And heaven forbid you think about yourself.
So on this journey of heartwork, I want you not to be selfish in a mean way,
but I want you to be kind of selfish a little bit with your time,
with who you are to understand that, you know, the more that you take care of yourself,
what's going to happen organically is a trickle-down effect.
Trickle down, trickle out.
It's going to impact everyone that you are around, including your children, if you are parents.
And so I want to encourage you to really lean into what is God trying to do in you in this season?
And where is he trying to lead you?
Where is he trying to lead you? Not just at like five years in the future,
like just right now, just today.
Some of you are going to get overwhelmed because you're trying to think of two things too far,
like a head, even in the heartwork.
So all I want you to do is every day ask the Lord,
what is one thing I can do in my heartwork journey today?
Now some of you are going to be able to do multiple things.
And some of you are only going to have the capacity.
on that day to do one thing, but it's better to do one thing than to do nothing on your
heartwork journey, okay? And that includes the reading the book, ladies, that includes the videos.
You know, I never understand, and when I say this, I don't want anyone to feel judged by this,
but I never understand why any of us, myself included, I did not do this with the heartwork,
but I've done this with other things. We pay for things, and then we only do them halfway,
or sometimes we don't even show up at all. Isn't that crazy? We're our best investment. So,
remember that as you're moving forward. Tonight, we're talking about confession and repentance.
In particular, I want you to understand that when we do things, whether they were things
in the past or even right now, if there are things you're struggling with in your current
season, we don't always know why we do what we do, but God knows the why behind the what. I want you
to kind of think about Paul's example. He's like, you know, why do I keep doing the things I don't
want to do? He's, you know, he's battling this thorn in the flesh, if you will, and we all have those.
We all have thorns in the flesh. We all have struggles. God knows the why behind your what. He
knows why you're doing what you're doing. Some of you, he knows why you're getting stuck in
repetitive cycles of attracting really unhealthy people, getting caught in abusive situations,
and staying there because you convince yourself you don't deserve anything better.
And you might not think of it that way, but that's literally what's happening.
When we get stuck in those cycles, or maybe they're not abusive, they just want to be sexual,
literally within a few weeks of meeting you. This is real stuff, right, that a lot of people are
dealing with. Ladies, you do not have to settle. There is not a shortage of good men. I know the
devil wants you to think that, but there isn't. God is healing men all over the earth. If you don't
believe that, I'm going to encourage you to really pray into that and ask God to shift your perspective
of how capable he is. He's raising up Davids, and Jonathans, and Calebs, and Moses, and all
these people that were leaders. And Davids made mistakes. Here's the reality. We all make
mistakes. But the reason I'm saying that to you is because we want you to believe that you deserve
God's best. Now, I'm not talking about a big long list where no man is ever going to be able to
measure up to those things. What I am talking about is that you would learn how to trust that
God is not going to put you with a man that wants you to have sex with him outside of marriage, okay?
So, maybe that's not your struggle either. But whatever our struggle is, God knows why we're
doing what we're doing. And the why is really important. It's important for us to lean on him
and rely on God to reveal these areas for healing. Why would we want to live underneath the level of
God's best for us in any area? Even today, you all, I had something pop up and I'm like,
where is this? Why is this happening? Jackie texted me and said, hey, can you talk in like
10 minutes? And I'm like, yeah. But as soon as I said, yes, I started worrying. What does she
want to talk about? Did I do something wrong? Like, is this going to be a good conversation
or not? And it's not like Jackie and I have a great relationship. The reason I'm mentioning
it to you is I realized the enemy was trying to get me into panic and anxiety about something that
wasn't even there. It wasn't even there. But where is that coming from? Right? I have to be willing
to look at that. Just like we encourage you all to do this stuff. We're doing heartwork all the
time. Y'all would not believe when I stepped into being a heartwork coach, it was like constant.
It's just always, there's just always revealings for healing happening because the more I'm coaching
about it, the more these things are being revealed and stirred up. And so I want you to know that the
Holy Spirit is our comforter as I pray tonight. He's our counselor. He's our guide. Ladies, the
goal isn't to rush through this program. Yes, it is set to be about five weeks. That's what we kind
of set it up. For some of you, you need to be in here a lot longer. You do. I don't want you to
stay here forever, but I want you to understand that just getting through and rushing through
is not going to help you. It's not. It could.
hurt you. And so if you are someone where you're just really processing a lot and you know that
you are, give yourself a little bit extra time. Maybe it's two weeks extra. I don't know. Some
people have felt led to kind of go back and redo the coursework and do an additional five weeks.
Some people have been here longer. Now again, we don't want people camping out here in the ICU,
if you will, long term. But I want you to rely on the Holy Spirit in your healing process.
He knows what you need. He knows where you are, and he knows how to get you what you need.
But it's whether or not we will trust him in the process. And I'm going to tell you what,
as soon as I start talking to you guys about this, the enemy is going to try to convince you,
whether it's tonight or in this next week, that your literal time clock is running out,
especially those of you. If you're like me, you haven't had a baby yet, you want a baby.
And so you feel this, like, I got to hurry and get the guy. I got to get the guy. I got to get
the guy. Because the enemy is trying to convince you that your time clock is running out. It's
clicking. It's ticking, ticking, ticking. You don't have time. Same thing happens for our ladies that
are significantly older in our group. I want to encourage you to really resist that stuff,
because God has a good plan for you, and what he has for you is going to be on time.
Okay? It's going to be on time. Even if, you know, we fear, like, oh, what if, what if I,
God's telling me to move, and he's telling me to move forward, and I miss it. You can't
miss your spirit mate. Spoiler alert, you can't. God will help you. He'll continue to work with
you. Some of you, even if you make mistakes, self-sabotage a relationship, God will help you
be redirected to meet someone that is going to be amazing for you.
So why am I talking about this during confession and repentance? Because some of you need to confess
your hurts, habits, and hang-ups. These things that you're just, you keep ruminating over these
things, and you believe these lies and partner with them, and it just keeps you stuck in the cycle
that you're in right now. Some of you have unconfessed sin that you've been hiding for a
long time. When I tell you all that I've had people time and time again say, I've never told
anybody this. I'm not making that up just to sound good as a coach. It has literally happened
over and over and over again. I've been coaching five and a half years in here.
No matter what your story is, it's not too much for God, okay? And this is a safe place for you
to share. So tonight, here are some examples of the why behind the what. I've already been talking
about some of these, but I'm going to kind of go down this list as well. Insecurity. You know,
does insecurity rear its head every time you turn around? And you all, insecurity isn't just when
other women around. That does happen too. Or, you know, people getting jealous. If you struggle with
a lot of jealousy, you all, underneath of that is insecurity. But insecurity kind of showed up in me
today, didn't it? It was just partnered with anxiety, insecurity, and fear that something was wrong.
The other shoe's going to drop because things have been going really good.
Underneath of that is fear and insecurity and something, okay? I'm going to keep going. Self-hatred.
And some of you will be like, well, I don't hate myself. Well, the reality is, is that many people
hate a lot of other people. Literally. We say, I hate them. But do you know that you can't hate
other people if you don't hate yourself first? It's, that's truth. We typically don't like things
about ourself and come to places of hatred, deep hatred within ourselves. And then those things
cause us to actually hate things and other people. I'm not saying we're not going to dislike things
that people say or do, but when we step to the fact of, of thinking or meditating on, man, I hate them.
There's, that's, that's just not something God wants for us. That, that, that is, you know, the
scripture, Psalm 51, that talks about creating me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit
in me. Like we, we want, I hope that you all want all of the stuff that doesn't represent God in
your heart to be removed from there. And sometimes that's a painful process. It's really looking at
all the intricate details of your.
yourself, what you think, what, you know, what you believe about yourself.
Remember what we believe we become and what we become, we attract.
Overeating is another one.
Do you struggle with overeating your emotions?
You know, when you're sad and you're just eating and eating and eating,
and you don't even know why anyone else ever done that?
Like I've done that.
I've literally said, I don't even know why I'm eating this.
I'm not even hungry.
And then I would catch like, oh, and it doesn't even have to be that,
that day that something bad happened.
Do you guys know when I tend to see it the most when something a few days
before happened and I didn't have time to process that thing?
Well, then it shows up in those lack of boundaries, potentially regarding
eating or binge watching, because those things are still in there.
Maybe it's gossiping.
If you're someone that really loves that morsel about somebody, something,
y'all let's look at that as well.
Negative self-talk or thought patterns, sexual related struggles, which I
touched on a little bit ago, sex before marriage, porn addictions, lust,
getting caught into lust cycles.
Yes.
We talk about masturbation included with that.
You all, that is not God's plan for us.
I'm not going to go into what's okay.
What's not okay.
You all, this is about you praying and asking the Holy spirit.
What is okay for you in alignment with God's word?
Okay.
All right.
Struggles with authority.
Are you someone that just, no matter what you just rebel and like just resist
any kind of authority over you?
You know, we see this show up as well.
Um, you all, um, this is a more subtle way, but this does show up.
When coaches are, people are giving you feedback and you just don't listen to it.
Like you just resist it.
And it's not that you're, you're even intentionally doing that.
Your subconscious is rejecting it.
I I've coached so many people where literally as I'm coaching, everything
they're saying back, I can immediately tell they are not receiving anything.
I don't get mad at people because I know why it's happening.
There's something in them that needs healed.
So they need revelation of something that is down inside that causes them to rebel
and resist and push away anything and anyone that could help them love them,
be there for them and really lead them to freedom.
All right.
Here's my last one.
Angry on the inside, angry on the outside, angry on the inside, angry on the
inside, so maybe you just do on things all the time or angry outbursts.
Some of you all really struggle with verbally being angry, road rage, you know,
being mean to your kids or other people.
And hopefully it doesn't go and escalate into any kind of physical, you know,
things with your children or other people, but there's grace for you
too, if that's happening.
Okay.
We want you to know that you're not alone.
We want you to heal from those things and come out of that.
So instead of us just accepting these things into our lives, like this is just
how I am, I don't know if you guys have ever thought that, or even maybe if you
haven't thought it, maybe you heard your parents or someone say it, that you've
been around, this is just how I am.
They just need to accept me for the way I am.
We have women in here that, and y'all, when I say this, okay, understand that
in the last few years here, I moved into Florida in the last few years, I've
probably, I'm like, it's really tough to say it out loud.
I think I've gained like 80 pounds.
It's really crazy.
I don't like, I was on a lot of like fertility vitamins and supplements, and
it just really wreaked havoc on me in so many ways.
And, uh, I haven't been as active.
I work from home.
I got to change that up a little bit more, but I'm saying that to you
to say this, I'm working on it.
And what I recognize is that I also started falling into patterns of my
mom, things my mom has done.
And so we want to look at what it, what's going on.
Where are we just accepting this?
Like, this is just how I am, or, oh, I know where I was going with that too.
I was saying that because I want you guys to know I'm saying this with grace
because I've gained weight and I know it's not easy when like you go to
somebody and they just think you're just gorging.
Like I don't gorge on food all the time.
I really don't.
Um, and so I had this, uh, guy was giving me a pedicure the other day and I was
talking to him cause he, he's very good.
He, he knows how to help like your body kind of circulate and all
this stuff, like in your legs.
Yeah.
And he's like, you know, I was talking to him about weight loss and I was, he's Asian ethnicity, um, and his language, his English is, is okay.
And so sometimes I'll say things and he doesn't fully understand what I'm saying.
And so sometimes there's a little bit of a language barrier, um, between us.
And I was talking to him about it and he's like, just, just eat less and work out.
And I know that that probably does work and it will, but sometimes it's not that easy.
Okay.
But here's the other side.
We have a lot of women in here that want the men to just, they should just accept me how I am.
And we get those kinds of attitudes, but then we want the men to be fit.
Kind of a double standard, isn't it?
Yeah.
So if you're in the camp of, they should just accept me how I am.
And it's like this rebellious kind of attitude.
I really want you to look at that.
Okay.
Now understand that God also talked to me years ago when I was in the dating phase and I was worried.
Cause I needed, I was not the size I am now, but even back then I was like, I need to lose some weight.
And God was like, start dating.
Don't wait, just, you know, work out and all this stuff and you'll get there.
So there's a balance in this, but at the core, what's causing us to buck against these things that could actually help us.
So for example, I brought my mom up.
So my mom used to come home from work and she worked hard.
You all, she was a single mom, four kids.
Um, but what I remember, and there could be more things that my mom did.
Like, I do remember like we would eat dinner.
Um, but like right after dinner, my mom would lay down on the couch and she would have a bag of potato chips a lot and just watch TV all night.
Like every night.
And if it wasn't on potato chips, it was ice cream.
And again, these aren't things that are bad, but when you do that every night and you're laying around what I didn't know back
then is that my mom struggled with depression a lot.
So the reason I'm bringing it up to you is I noticed this thing starting to happen where, like I said, sometimes I'm eating something and I don't even want it.
And the one night I had chips and it just like occurred to me, like, oh my gosh, my mom used to do this.
So I'm being transparent with you because it's not always easy, but we need to be willing to recognize patterns like this so that we can confess these things, become accountable to people.
So I'm working with, you know, a fitness person and a nutritionist and like functional medicine doctor to try to help my hormones get back into balance, which should help my body be able to lose the weight it's been holding on to.
And so sometimes we have to partner with and work on things, but again, we're talking about repentance and confession.
So one of the things I felt like I needed to repent was partnering with the same cycle of feeling down about something and feeding that with something that wasn't healthy for me, instead of just taking that time to process that and trying to numb behavior.
All right, I'm going to keep going on because God calls us to transform from the inside out.
Why does he call us to do that?
Because he wants us to be kinsmen redeemers in our family line.
I believe 100% that not only did God call me to break the spirit of lust off of my family line, but to break this physical body image issue.
This has been something I even have taught sessions in our phase three about it.
I've talked to people about it.
I've struggled with being afraid to go to the beach in a bathing suit.
I've struggled with so many different body image stuff that I like.
That is one thing I'm like, maybe I'll write a book about that someday.
I don't know.
But just, there's so many different angles to this.
And I feel like God is really willing to let me see how much we can struggle, but he calls us out of that place so that we can be kinsmen redeemers and pave the way for those coming behind us.
So I want you to start thinking about, even though I said, okay, during this time, you really want to be a little selfish, not in a bad way, but like put yourself first.
But I do want you to think about the things that you are investing in yourself now, the things that you're allowing God to heal and change and transform.
And you are going to pave the way for people coming behind you for generations to come.
I want you to think about the areas that you feel or think are.
too dark you know we label them this is too dark this is too much i can't share if they knew this
about me would they love me i want you to now think about the story of the the leper in the
bible lepers were the outcasts they were the rejected the people that were alone literally
because of their disease their affliction they were cast out from community and they were not
allowed to come around people but what i want you to see is how jesus responded to the leper in the
book of mark chapter one this is what he did jesus went towards the leper jesus didn't just heal the
leper but he touched him y'all jesus could have stood back away from this man and with a word
from his mouth and he literally could have healed the man he could have healed the man without even
saying a word he could have just thought in jesus name he's healed in my name he's healed
but here jesus touches the man the untouchable became touchable i want you to think about the
darkest areas of your life now and i want you to imagine jesus coming up and touching that area
of your heart and your life the things that you think cause you to be too far gone or that your
spirit mate won't get you know pick you because of this no those are lies from the devil in the
day that jesus went to the leper and touched him every social barrier was broken and shattered by
divine love so those things that you feel like move you away from love that keep you held back
press down cause you to isolate and withdraw i want you to imagine you know jesus coming into
that and just breaking every barrier every fear that you've ever had that has caused you to hold
back to believe that you don't deserve the best that god has for you that god is shattering those
things tonight if you'll let him god jesus and the holy spirit want to shatter all those barriers
and they want divine love to enter into you in a fresh way it doesn't mean you didn't know the
love of god before but i want you guys to really start to every single day god help me to receive
a revelation of your love today a fresh revelation of your love today i know that i need a revelation
of god's love fresh every single day god has that for us i want to encourage you to lay down all of
your shame all of the things again that make you think that you are not even touchable
that people have cast you out maybe friends have
you know put you to the side i don't know what your thing is
but the unconditional love of the father is washing over all of those things right now
repentance literally means that we come out of agreement with all of the lies all of the sinful
and harmful behaviors that we've been operating in functioning thinking about and literally have
a change of mind heart and body y'all it means we go in a different direction
true genuine repentance means i am i am going to stop doing this thing
and i'm going to go in a different direction does that mean that we won't face temptation
no of course we will you all of course we will we have flesh but in the midst of that temptation do
you know that god gave us fruits of the spirit love joy peace kindness goodness gentleness
faithfulness and self-control it's a fruit of the spirit it's something that we have to learn
to love people instead of be angry at them and hate them it's a fruit of the spirit the more
we grow in the lord and our relationship with him and the fullness of his spirit filling us
i don't know about you all but i just went to this conference this last weekend
and every time even at church you know you're in god's presence and sometimes people you'll
literally like you'll come out of that presence and something will happen right away because see
the enemy is coming quick and he's trying to steal that seed and then there's other times
where it's just like you're just like in the love bubble like you just sort of like man
You're just like drunk on the Spirit, you feel the love bubble of Jesus, and you just, you just like feel it, and no matter, you're just walking, I don't know if you guys have ever felt that way, if not, I pray for that for you.
Because there's something about the divine love and the divine presence of the Lord that it protects us in a different way.
And some of it, you all, sometimes it's us learning how to overcome those attacks of the enemy, those assaults that come quickly to steal the joy, to steal the love.
It's both ends. Sometimes we just get to receive it, and sometimes we've got to partner with it and walk it out.
Rebecca, you haven't had that yet. I pray in Jesus' name that you'll have that more in the days to come.
One of the best ways, you all, to experience a fresh revelation of God's love, the love bubble that I'm calling it, is to really bask in the revelation of His love.
So how I started doing that, and this was a process, this wasn't just something that like, I mean, I've been Save Y'all since 1998.
I feel like when I coach, it's important for people to understand, it's not like I just have always been like this. It's been a process.
And so for me, I started just really meditating on scriptures about love and praying all the time,
God, help me to know who you are as love. Help me to know who you are as love.
Help me to become more grounded and rooted in my identity in Christ, to be secure in you.
And the more I prayed that, the more I listened to worship songs about the love of God, and soaked and meditated on those things,
it started to help me to be able to receive it.
I went through a lot of healing work, which you guys are here, you know, obviously you're doing the work,
regarding father wounds, mother wounds, you know, every time you're hearing this stuff, God is, remember, it's a layer upon layer.
There's layers to forgiveness, there's layers to healing.
It takes time. Praise the Lord, you're on the journey.
Confession. What we don't confess, we remain tethered to.
I try to liken it to, like, if you guys are tied to something, okay?
If you don't confess it, this is literally, whatever the thing is, sin, past, present, or, you know, things we're struggling with right now, that's the present.
I want you to think of this as the sin, and this is you.
And you're just like entangled, you're tethered to it, if you don't confess it.
But when you confess it, when we confess with our mouths, right, things start to change.
And the other thing that happens when we don't confess sin, or we don't repent for it, it can create blind spots.
You ever been driving, and you go to get over in another lane, and you didn't realize a car was there because it's in your blind spot?
I've almost gotten in an accident before because of that.
The reality is, is we all have blind spots.
We can't see what we can't see, right? Until we see it.
I've said that three times today, it keeps coming up in my spirit.
So, you guys, take some time to think about that.
See, the Lord knows what your blind spots are.
And He's going to try to lead you away from those things, away from temptation, but it's our choice to follow Him or not.
James 5.16 says,
So, some of you are like, why do I need to confess in a group?
I can just go confess to my friend, and that is true.
If that's what you feel led to do, cool, go do that.
But here's what I don't want you to do.
I don't want you to choose to go do that because you're afraid to post in a group.
I hear it all the time. I don't know these people. I don't want to post and tell people.
Y'all, what better place to confess in?
Think about this.
These ladies don't know you.
Most of them, some of you guys, I hope, ladies, you get to know each other and become friends for life.
This is a good place to practice because we've created this safe environment for you.
We really guard and protect this process.
If we see something that someone would say, you know, we're going to remove a comment.
We've really, honestly, y'all, in five and a half years, I've literally never had to do it.
Praise the Lord. God's been good.
And so, as you kind of continue to prepare your heart for that,
I really want to encourage you to get out of your comfort zone, to choose to come into the group,
allow yourself to be seen, even your ugly parts, okay?
are dark parts because you guys need to experience how you can be loved even when people know the
difficult things you know you've done or been through or struggle with. I want to tell you a
couple things about my process that I think will be helpful for you all as well. These are some of
the things in my journey the Lord led me to repent and confess of several years ago. It's been a you
know years now so um you know sometimes when I start sharing my story I think people feel like
they have to come for me. You guys don't have to okay this is for me sharing to help you. I'm in a
really great place about all this stuff. So one of the things and I started sharing this already but
it was trying to fill the God-shaped heart God-shaped hole in my heart with things that
were not good for me. So food to comfort me, binge watching too much tv to avoid loneliness or pain.
A lot of times we do that we turn tv on we just let it play we watch it because we don't want to
feel something that we're actually feeling. Harmful thought patterns that were keeping me stuck.
Not keeping boundaries in place regarding sex outside of marriage.
Letting my values be lowered to be in a relationship but it wasn't even a relationship
it was a situation. And the more I went against my values and morals the more self-hatred
within myself grew. When we go against our values and morals ladies it is going to happen we're
going to dislike who we are. Okay one last one. I had to repent and confess for blowing past red
flags when the Lord was lovingly trying to keep me from things that would hurt me
including relationships that I was in and he was telling me you know to walk away from that you know
relationship those dynamics and I kept going. Some of them a lot of the time y'all I'm a big giver
I love to help people I see the best in people to a fault we can't marry potential
we can't marry potential. For those of you that struggle with always wanting to help somebody you
see a guy and you just you know you're like I know he's a mess but man I just think he's gonna
be a great husband one day. No no that's marrying that's like trying to marry potential that's what
that is. God wants you to be with someone who's healthy now as you get healthy you guys can walk
together and be a team together that's his plan for us. All right so I'm gonna get you into
breakout sessions and groups now this is your question what do you need to confess tonight
is there anything you need to repent for or confess now here's the thing that's really
important I need you guys to hear me when you go into these groups especially on this week
in the next few weeks I'll tell you when this comes up again but all the time we should just
practice you know listening this way when someone does a confession or repentance it's not your job
to fix them okay remember I'm the coach you guys are here as sisters you're just sisters so you're
gonna listen to them you're gonna let them share and you're gonna say thank you so much I'm gonna
practice with Rebecca. Rebecca thank you so much for sharing that with us I really appreciate you
trusting me and then you're gonna share okay so you don't have to fix that person you don't
even if they cry like I don't want y'all putting your helper hats on you need to let them feel
what they feel let them have the space to say it and then when they're done you'll sweat you know
again you'll love them support them and then you'll share okay that's how we do it in this
community super important all right because you know if you guys are like me you see someone in
pain and you want to you want to help their pain be gone but Jesus is the one that needs to help
their pain and heal it okay all right awesome let me get these rooms ready
Rosie and that's totally fine you can just stay right here
oh let me do
oh Bethany can you repeat the question for the small groups yep what do you need to confess
tonight that's the main question if there's anything you need to repent or confess that's
what you're going to be sharing about let's see here all right we're going to do seven minutes
most of you are going to have three people in your group some of you'll have two I might have
to move people around but you should have at least two and a half minutes short brief and
powerful remember short brief and powerful so everybody has time to talk and then we'll
powerful so everybody has time to talk and you're not trying to fix anybody all right
they're going to come up on the screen there for you right now go ahead and click to join those
as soon
As I see where people are at and if I need to, um, move anybody around, then I
will go ahead and start to pray.
See her father.
Thank you so much for everything you're already doing.
God, I thank you for revealings for healing that are happening.
God, I pray that you would just open our eyes to see what we're not capable of
seeing.
Oh, let's see her down there and help us to embrace one another, to fully love
each other, to hear what your spirit is saying to us louder than any voice of
the enemy.
I have to move her to the other room.
Sorry guys.
I have somebody said, okay, there we go.
Um, louder than any voice of the enemy.
We thank you Lord, um, for, yeah, just coming in and bringing your love Lord
God, in a fresh and tangible way, no matter what they've gone through today,
no matter what they've come into the healing session with tonight, God, I
thank you that you would just lift bricks of heaviness off of them.
God, even right now, I just keep feeling my eye twitching you guys.
And, uh, typically that comes from stress and I'm not stressed right now.
So I feel like God's even that's happening because someone else is feeling
stressed.
So Lord, I just thank you that you would just remove stress off of people.
God, that you would just help them to experience who you are as the God of
peace that passes all understanding that you would guard their heart and their
mind through Christ Jesus, that you would bring resolve, that you would center
them in your love.
We know that your perfect love cast out all fear because fear has to do with
torment.
So God, we thank you for centering them in the, in your love.
Um, I don't know why I just saw this, but almost as if like, um, you know, like
a cake topper and I saw someone taking the cake topper and pushing it down into
the cake as in kind of like grounding it.
It's kind of funny thing to see, but I just feel like the Lord is saying he's
grounding people in his love tonight.
And so Lord, we just thank you, um, for the celebration and the joy that is
going to bubble up and bubble out of these situations in these breakout room
conversations, God, people watching the replay.
We thank you for courage and grace to come to the group and post their
confessions and the things that they're repenting of God.
We thank you.
Yes, Lord generational sin being broken off of ladies in this group in this day
and this time, God, that you are literally making all things new, God,
you're helping us to leave behind the things that don't belong to us to, um,
yeah, like the scripture says to lay aside every weight that so easily ensnares
us to press on toward the high calling of God for our lives.
So Lord, we thank you.
Now, again, we're just shedding XX weight, the bricks, the weights, the
heaviness, we thank you God for, um, your grace that is sufficient for us.
Yes, Lord.
We thank you for grace washing over every person.
Do y'all know that my eye quit twitching as soon as I started
talking about that and praying.
I really think that was the Lord.
Oh Lord.
So we just bask in your grace.
I pray for, um, humility to come upon our hearts to dwell, like to dwell and rise
up within us that we would be known for the divine feminine God, that we would
be able to receive your love and give your love away to other people.
God, we thank you that even as my hat says, beautiful, that every one of these
ladies would know how beautiful they are, that they are fearfully and wonderfully
made God, let them know it fully.
Well, like even the scripture talks about, let you know that they would
know that deep in the core of who they are, that you did not make mistakes,
that you have fashioned them and formed them and their mother's womb, that you
didn't make mistakes, that you were so excited the day that they were born.
And we just thank you, God, that you would, um, yeah, Lord, just help them
to surrender all of their fears, all of their worries, anything that is getting
in their way, that they would just surrender all of that to you and to
trust that you God are working all things together for good in their lives.
Um, to save many people alive, like Genesis 50 verse 20 talks about Lord,
we thank you that we are kinsmen redeemers in our storyline.
And we thank you that you're using us, that we get to be a part of your
healing and redemption in this land.
God, the things that you, you know, want to bring from heaven here to
earth, let us be the vessels that you would work through.
Um, I'm going to read Colossians 3, 13 through 14 from the
message translation over you all.
It says, so chosen by God for this.
new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you.
Compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline, be
even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive
an offense, forgive as quickly and completely as the master
forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love.
It's your basic all-purpose garment, never be without it.
1 John 1.9 says, if we confess our sins, he is faithful and
just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all
unrighteousness. And Psalm 51 that I was talking about
earlier, it's in verse 10 says, created me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast, a staying spirit within us. How many of
you all you start something and then you kind of back away, you
have this struggle, you know, with the staying spirit, you
really struggle to have that. The Lord wants you to know that
he is equipping you and empowering you to stay. For
those of you that stay too long, like I was talking about earlier
in toxic, unhealthy relationships, God is empowering
you and giving you the grace to move forward, to leave those
things behind. You were never called to be in a
situationship, to be bound in things that were not fruitful.
We were called and created as women, as daughters of the King
to reproduce, to be fruitful and multiply. And so we just
declare that over all of you tonight in Jesus name. Romans
8.28 says, so we are convinced that every detail of our lives
is continually woven together to fit into God's perfect plan of
bringing good into our lives. For we are his lovers who have
been called to fulfill his designed purpose. God has a
purpose for your life. He has great things for you. And he
wants to lead you into the fullness of his original plan
and purpose for your life. He's not confused. I just heard him
say that. I'm not confused. The Lord is saying that tonight over
all of us. He's not confused. He's not, you know, dismayed.
He's not like wondering, what should I do next? You know,
that's how we think as humans, we're so afraid to move forward
sometimes or we get stuck in these things. And then we think
we put those attributes onto God. Like he is the same as us,
but he's not. He's God. He's omnipresent. He knows all
things. God is not confused. He's not afraid. So if we are
struggling with fear, if we're struggling with apprehension,
we're afraid to step out. Who can we lean on and trust in?
Well, we can lean on the Lord and, and ask him to give us
fresh faith to step out and courage. He goes before us into
all things and anoints us for all of our lives and walk in
calling and he'll lead us deeper into Jesus every single
day. If we ask him welcome back, ladies, I've been having a good
time here talking to myself, talking to all of you all that
you didn't even know it, those that are going to catch the
replay. Hope it's a blessing for y'all. If you want to go back
and listen to that, you can just watch for the time when you go
into breakouts at about 45, 50 minutes in about 45 minutes into
the replay. And you guys can just listen because I was
praying, I was declaring some things. So there's some words in
there for some people as well. All right, our activations for
this week, and then I'm going to come to Karen and anyone else
that wants to share tonight, I'll do as many people as I can
until 930. And then we're going to end the session tonight. If
people have their hands up at 930. I'm going to always ask you
guys to put your things in the group where I can respond to
them there or my team. Alright, so the activations for this week
is going to be to create a post in the last year single app.
Talking to us about where you feel led to repent or confess,
you're going to come in and talk to us about what God is
revealing in you. Remember, you don't have to share every gory
detail. This is really important. Okay. Some of you
all been through really horrific things like rape, all kinds of
things that are really, really hard to hear. You don't have to
share all gory details know that it's important. And even when I
talk to you guys about the abuse I've gone through, I don't
give you guys gory details. I just tell you think you know,
like high level. So I want you guys to understand, tell us what
you've been through, but keep keep it at that level so that
we're not all triggering each other and all that kind of
stuff. Okay. But we still want you to share and we want you to
have confidence in that share. And then remember, if you guys
weren't here when we first started tonight, one of your
other activations is to go out and have some fun this week. So
remember to go out and have fun and I want to see you having
fun. It gets really like I know I'm saying fun again, but it
gets really fun in our group when people come in and they
start posting things that they're out doing. I still
remember some of the walks that Lisa Mendrix has taken pictures
where she's I think even that one it had like a color wheel
or something like y'all I remember this stuff when you share like it really it connects me to you
and it connects you all to each other I don't know if you realize that or not but it's really fun
and so some of you might go try something for the first time I don't know maybe you'll get
crazy and try an ice cream flavor you've never tried I don't know whatever it is some of you
it might be you know I don't know asking a friend to go do something that you haven't asked
you know maybe you've been somebody that's been isolating for a while and so for you that that
step out of your comfort zones to ask someone to go out and go have some fun all right awesome
Karen would love to hear what you have to say so I just got back from two weeks of having fun
I was in Italy um and that in itself was like um step of faith for me and what I learned in that
about myself well we were able to go dance in the streets at night um in one of the cities
which was fun um and what I learned is that as far as when I'm not working or with family
that I would be like at community conferences or retreats or on zoom but when it comes to having
like real relationships I've haven't had that so like being there when I felt uncomfortable
I learned I had to just sit in that because it was so unfamiliar to me
times was where I was like trying to have conversations versus just like being okay with it
um so but it really stretched me in moments where and we did have some real good conversations with
one another so yes yeah um but one of the things that I do need to repent of is um when I first
joined the community I shared like there was a situation like um of abuse and so I reported this
abuse to um I made the phone calls and now it's while I was there in Italy my family was calling
me they knew I was out of the country and kind of like reacting because they just found out about
this from the person and so I didn't need to respond back to them I could have just left it
alone but I did and I felt like that affected me when I did that um so yeah I still need to learn
how to have those conversations with them learning that you don't stay silent about
certain things or you don't have you don't protect or stay quiet about bad situations
but also being wise who I have those conversations with so I feel like I'm still in that point where
I'm still processing myself so yeah and you know ladies this is a good reminder Karen thank you for
sharing all that and I am just so excited that you went on this trip you know we chatted about
that before you left I love that you danced in the street in the night that I'm just envisioning that
I'm just envisioning it and that's just such a fun thing to imagine you having that fun and
you know you've been doing a lot of heart work hard work and I hope that you did feel some
lightness in that but I also love that you mentioned about sitting in the uncomfortable
and I think that's something really important to pull out of what you said tonight for everyone
so often we don't want to feel the uncomfortable we don't want to feel the pain of something like
I said and so we'll we tend to push it away or try to avoid it so sometimes we need to actually
remember feel the feels so that God can heal the feels we have to like even today I said like
why am I why am I getting all anxious about this and worried what's going on here like paying
attention to what we're feeling and thinking that doesn't align with God's best so that we can have
those revealings for healing so I love that you mentioned that and that you took the time to sit
in that uncomfortable and then grow through it that's what I heard you say so way to go on that
regarding this situation I was going to say to you and to everyone you know the reality is is we're
growing you know I think back in the day I used to think that you know when you get to a certain
age you're just like an adult and you just know how to do everything and you just have the life
figured out and and the reality is y'all I'm like 47 and I'm still figuring things out and that's okay
it's okay when we look at the people in the Bible y'all they were hundreds of years old some of them
and they were still figuring it out so why do we think we should just like this expectation of
perfection so I
I like that you are being self-aware.
That's what I hear when you're talking about this situation.
Like, hey, man, I realize I shouldn't have,
I shouldn't have responded to them at that time
and that it did impact parts of your trip.
You know, I think that's what you were kind of alluding to,
but that you also know that you're still learning
and growing in this area.
Self-awareness is like key, Karen.
So you're really, like God is setting you up for success.
He's helping you heal.
It's just like lifting weights as well, ladies.
If we have a muscle that's weak,
even like if we have a back injury,
sometimes you've gotta be careful
and you've gotta kind of slowly gain the strength
back in your core and get care and therapy.
So I just wanna encourage you to keep giving yourself grace
to care for yourself extra during this time
as you're still processing what happened,
what you reported, and even from the sounds of it,
maybe some not healthy reactions from your family
and just trusting, like remember to put all of them
on your board, even if you already did,
you might need to get a little more specific, okay?
If things were said to you that were hurtful or areas,
and I don't even know if this is true,
but areas that, you know, if you feel like,
man, I need reconciliation in this relationship,
you know, putting those things specifically on the board
is gonna be, your Jesus Cares board
is gonna be really important, okay?
Yeah.
And just remember that God is with you.
You know, you all, like sometimes things happen
and people remember that they're receiving,
let me do it this way.
So remember this, I don't,
some of you guys have seen me do this before,
but okay, let's imagine like there's a person over here
and there's a person on this side, okay?
So everybody, like if they're over here
and they're saying something or they're doing something,
by the time it gets to the person over here,
it's had to go through this filter.
And this filter could be healthy for some people,
this filter, sorry, I don't know if you guys can see that.
This filter could be really unhealthy.
So whatever their filter is,
that's going to impact how they receive our actions,
our words, everything.
So like, I don't know if you,
maybe it's better to do it like that.
So if somebody was talking to me right now
or doing something, by the time it gets to me,
it's going through that filter, okay?
So just remember that I'm not excusing people
for their unhealthy behavior,
but the reality is, is that we all have hurts and wounds,
habits, hangups, things that we hear things through.
They have filters, we have filters.
And so when we surrender those things to the Lord
and ask him to heal and restore,
it's the best thing we could ever do.
Sometimes it just takes time.
It really does, okay?
So keep praying for them.
We're praying for you and believing for more healing
and so excited to hear what you shared tonight.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Megan, it's your turn.
So the word that I got for a lot of things
was actually avoidance.
And so by kind of realizing, which is kind of funny
because in my last relationship,
my ex was the avoidant
and I was the anxious attachment style.
But lately I've had like two friends
and there's been a bit of like, I'm just in the middle,
but they've been having drama with one another.
And one of them is kind of needy
and been kind of asking a lot
and kind of just a lot of emotions and stuff.
And so for me, I've been really feeling that need
to like pull away.
And then when things have like happened,
like say something wasn't fair
or someone didn't do something great
and they'd be like, oh, I'm sorry.
I'm realizing I'm kind of quick to say, oh, it's okay.
Even when it's not okay.
And I'm kind of realizing I'm avoiding
these like heavy feelings from other people.
And I know that like where I'm at in my own personal life,
there's a lot of stuff going on.
So it's almost like I'm trying to just avoid
picking up other people's stuff
because I'm a feeler and it's hard.
So with that friend, I've been trying to be there
but also have boundaries.
And then the last thing is that I know
that I've been kind of avoiding the thought
of like trying to finish the hard work
and also move on to the next phase.
And like, I've got two friends who are already
in like phase two and phase three.
And I think, you know, some of them,
but I'm really quick to be like,
I'm so excited to see what God's gonna do in your life
and your dating thing.
And then when they bring it up with me, I'm like, yeah,
yeah, that's a while away.
I'm not like rushing to like go into that dating thing.
stuff. So I think I'm avoiding. So, yeah. Yes. Okay, so I'm so glad you're bringing this up
because this happens with a lot of people. The avoidance is showing up in some areas,
but the one area that I don't feel like it is avoidance, your friends that are disagreeing
and you feel stuck in the middle, you, I think, are pulling back because it's actually healthy
for you to not be stuck in the middle. I don't feel like that's avoidance. Now, when it can
turn into avoidance is if you're not saying anything to either of them. Okay? And you're
just silently pulling out. So if that is what you're doing, then yeah, that probably is kind
of that avoidance pulling away. What you need to practice doing if you are pulling back and
not saying anything is saying to each of them, Hey, I love you. And I love you. So I am not
going to be in the middle of this because you said I have to be in the middle. Oh, I didn't.
I didn't realize that. Yeah. So, or I am, I am in the middle if I heard it wrong, but you don't
have to be there. You don't have to be in the middle. And I know that might sound easy to say
it's hard. It is hard to set boundaries with people we love, right? Because they might react
in a certain way. So a lot of times we'll just kind of like, Ooh, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna
get out of the middle of this quietly, but, you know, using our voice, especially for you, Megan,
this is, this is something you've been working on and practicing. This is another area for you
to practice using your voice because your thoughts matter. Something else that I said,
or that I wrote down, encircled when you said, when someone does something, you just say it's
okay. It's okay. So I want you to practice not doing that anymore. So you want to kind of, you
not get mad about everything. Okay. But you do want to, okay. If you've, if something hurts you,
that you actually say, or write it out, at least remember, we don't have to give everybody
everything. If we write it out, we're at least expressing and acknowledging, which I think would
be a great step for you before you try to just go and talk because some people are not going to be
able to receive. Okay. So for you to grow in your courage of expressing your thoughts and your
feelings, and even identify what you're feeling, I think starting in the safe place, as I started
coaching, I think that's probably the best step for you forward. And then pray and ask the Lord
to show you when are the times you should tell someone, tell the person. Okay. So the friends
that you're stuck in the middle, I definitely want you to actually tell them. Okay. For these other
things that you would start identifying, what is it that you're actually feeling?
And here's the other layer to this. You said, I'm a feeler and it's hard. I'm a feeler too. And I
do know it can be hard. The thing I want to start to separate for you is that you don't have to
wear, like, I think I got this picture when you were talking, like, it's kind of like you feel
like you're dealing with those feelings and the weight of people's feelings by yourself.
But I actually saw the Lord with you and he was holding the weight for you. And so I want you to
understand that while we can be feelers, ladies, God can help us to carry what we feel so that it
doesn't crush us. Okay. Because sometimes if you are a feeler and you just really get caught up in
those feelings and they can take you into depression, they can take you into a lot of
self-pity, withdrawing, and it literally can take some people out. But it's when we really think
we're in those things by ourselves and we're not. Okay. So I want you to think about how are you
actually envisioning when you feel those things? Like, do you believe the lie that you're by
yourself in that? Yes, I can. That has been thing that has been coming up and I'm realizing,
like, I know we all have trust issues, but I realize I have, like, especially with God,
a lot of back in that area. So that's been something that's come up recently.
So I think working on those things is going to help you regarding moving forward.
Mm-hmm. It's time for you to live. Yeah. So remember the day that you put that really cute
outfit on and you took the picture and you showed us in the group and I know you battled something
after, but it's not always going to be that way. Okay. It's not. I want you to keep practicing
that stuff, taking pictures of you having fun, taking pictures of you enjoying life, because
this is the thing we're cheering you on and the more you do that, you're going to gain momentum
and the enemy can't.
not when. Ladies, when darkness is there, as soon as the light enters, darkness has to flee.
Light and darkness do not coexist, okay? They don't. So I want you guys to start thinking about
this. Every time you walk into a dark room and you turn the light on, let that be a reminder to you.
The light of Christ enters a room and darkness flees. If you are afraid or feeling afraid or
overwhelmed, just flip on a light and remind. And again, I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not
saying it's just going to go away all the time like that. But for me, those physical reminders
remind me of the truth. He is with you. He's going to help all of you walk out the things
he has for you. And so I just want to hear from you more, Megan. I want to hear more like
celebratory things. I want you to start really cheering yourself on. We're going to cheer you on
too, but it has to start with you. Because I'll tell you guys, I'll cheer you guys on left and
right. Jackie will do that. But at the end of the day, if you don't believe things for yourself,
you can borrow faith from us, okay? You can. But you guys have to start believing these things
yourself as well. So you have to see yourself doing well and being received well by people.
So the more that you post some of these things in the group and you're getting healthy responses,
it's going to build your courage for the other people that you're encountering outside of here.
Make sense? Yeah. And if this is resonating for any of you all, go ahead and
take it for yourself as well. Anytime I'm coaching people, I hope if you guys are hearing something
and it's really resonating for you, that you would walk in that as well. Megan, thank you
so much for sharing. Appreciate you. Thank you. You're welcome. Jennifer, go ahead.
Okay, so I am coming out of isolation. I have been in this group for way too long.
It's probably been like two years. And I've not done anything. What's that?
Just in the heartwork? Just in the heartwork. I have been through things very,
like the dry bones in Ezekiel type of thing where just in the valley and it has been extremely
one thing after the other after the other. So I'm making a vow to myself and to you ladies
done and I need to finish the book. I would start the first chapter and then
it would get too hard in the book and I would just be done and just leave it alone. So I guess
that's my first confession. The other one that I did share in the group was lust. There's a couple
of things that have happened to me as a child growing up. My first love, if you will,
that introduced me to some things and it's been like this dagger in my soul,
soul tie that I have been struggling with. And so I definitely do not want to be vulnerable on here,
but maybe this will help somebody else to be vulnerable. I have no idea. I have recently just,
I think this is my turning point. I'm opening up a business. I'm coming out of isolation. I'm just
basically, I want to turn a complete new page for myself and doing this in this group in front of
you guys, all you ladies, which is something I don't like to do. I think this is a new leaf for
me. So sharing like this, I, this is not something I like to do, but I want to continue to do more of
this and be more present, I guess, with this, because I feel like for me, this is how I'm
going to change. A hundred percent. Jennifer, way to go. You did it. You did it. This is ladies.
This is how we work these muscles. We get out of our comfort zone and we do the thing that we don't
want to do. And a lot of times, you know what the crazy thing is, is the reason the enemy fights
against us so much is because he knows how much we're going to be used in the thing that we're
actually avoiding. And so I think it's really awesome that you're coming out of hiding and
you're turning this corner, you know, you're overcoming and really like leaning into the
things that God wants to set you free from. Incredible share. I do want to like ask you a
couple of questions on the book when you started reading it and you said you would get to chapter
one and kind of stop because it was too hard. Can you tell me?
what she was talking about when it felt too hard.
Do you remember?
I don't, because then I have to restart chapter one
and go through it.
But it's mostly just digging deep,
because I would end up just crying.
It was just so much hard work that I just was like,
I'm not doing this anymore.
I don't want to think about it.
I don't want to cry about it.
I just did not want to go through it.
And I just would stop.
So it's not specific.
Do you feel like you're at a point
where you can really move forward with the book?
I can.
Aside from this, I am a part of another group as well.
And it's more business related and all that.
But it's a lot of kingdom work, working with the Holy Spirit,
things like that.
And that, on that end, has been kind of, OK, Jen,
it's time to, it's time to, it's like a sandwich.
I'm working with this.
And I'm working with, it's like I needed the other half.
Yeah, I totally get it.
I do.
So I think one of the things, ladies, that's
really important for Jennifer and anyone else,
when you get into things like the book, or even the videos,
or for some of you, it's the activations.
And you'll feel yourself avoiding it and not
wanting to do it.
That is literally enemy trying to hinder you because you're
about to get breakthrough.
And so part of this struggle is like sometimes
because we're in a healing phase for so long,
we can feel that kind of weariness, fatigue,
if you will.
And so I just want to encourage you to pray and ask the God,
like ask God to give you a fresh wind
and really help you not fear the unknown.
Because even though you know and understand healing processes
from the sounds of what you shared,
what can happen is that sometimes we
think we know where God is going to lead us,
and we're afraid to go into that area.
Remember the do not enter signs, ladies, that I talk about?
We have these do not enter signs.
Like God can come into our heart,
but God don't come into this place.
Don't touch that thing.
And it's not even that we don't want to let go of that thing.
For some of us, we know that it's
kind of like what's coming up in my spirit is like,
if you have ever seen something get caught in barbed wire,
when it tries to get free, what happens?
It actually gets entangled more, right?
And so for some of us, we envision the heartwork
like that.
That's our picture of it.
But I want you to know that God can transform,
kind of like what I was saying to Megan.
God wants to change the way we're looking at things.
And so I want you to really also pray for God
to give you a dream, whether that's a daydream, a night
dream, whatever.
But I want you to ask him to give you
a dream or a vision of his perspective of your healing
process.
Because I think you need a revelation from heaven
that this is going to be different.
And the tears and the things, if at any point, I don't know,
are you someone that you cry a lot?
Or are you someone that at some point, you kind of shut down
and you don't really cry?
I'm not a crier.
I just shut down.
Well, at some point in your life, you shut that down.
And so sometimes when people start to feel emotion,
it can actually cause fear in them.
Because the reality is, is the moment
that they shut down their tears, something
happened that was hard that they went through.
And so we need God to reveal that root, that root situation
where you shut down.
And a lot of people will think of a recent,
even in the last few years.
And so start with that.
But I'm going to guess it goes all the way back.
OK?
And sometimes that's the fear.
We're afraid he's going to take us all the way back there.
So one of the last things I'm going to say
is I really encourage people, even
if you've done work in some of these areas
before, that you don't have to be afraid that it's going
to be as painful as it was before.
I want you to think of it like God just
wants you to take another peek up under the hood.
I kind of tell people, if you can imagine popping your hood
and you're just kind of taking a peek,
you're not even opening the hood all the way.
You're just taking a peek up under there.
And God's going to help you know exactly what you need to heal
and process.
Because if you can think of it that way,
I feel like if it's just a peek, you're just
It's just another layer that God wants to reveal for healing.
Then some people are like, okay, I can take a peek now and then trusting the
Lord to lead you in the process.
But like, sometimes we're afraid he's going to take us all the way
back through all the pain.
Cause I don't know about you all, but way back when, when I was in college, I
had despair when I was trying to deal with my past, I was alone, I didn't
know what to do, I went to a counselor.
That woman tried to like convince me to convict my brothers.
It was the worst thing she could have ever said to me.
I was terrified.
And the more she pressured me to go after convicting my brothers, the
more I shut down emotionally.
It's terrible advice.
She was not reading the room at all.
I was the room.
She wasn't, she wasn't aware of what she was doing to me as her client.
And so I say that to you because when I started going through the healing
process, you know, later in life and I needed to go to a counselor, all I
could think about was my experience there.
And I didn't want to have that happen again, because that was horrible on many
levels.
And so I had to learn that not every counselor is the same, that the
process isn't always the same.
And so we're going to be praying for you.
I'm so excited that you shared and that you used your voice.
God has good things in store for you.
And I believe that you are going to be able to finish that book and you're
going to be able to move forward.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
God bless you.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Is it, is it Juana?
Did I say it right?
It's Juana.
Yes.
Juana?
Yes.
Awesome.
How are you?
Doing all right.
Wow.
I didn't know you were going to pick me.
Yeah, you're next on my squares.
Awesome.
So yes, um, I was sharing with the lady we were in the, in the room with, and, um,
I told her I confessed something to her and I told her, she's like the second
person I say that to, or the third.
But, um, because every time I, uh, I make that confession, it's just, it's like
you said, it's like, it's, it's just hard.
And it's, it's scary because you don't want to feel it anymore.
And, um, and, but then when we went back to your room, I felt it in the spirit of
raising my hand and, and I felt it in my spirit to say, to say it to everybody.
Because at the moment, as I, I finished talking to her, I felt like a little
bit of a low out of my shoulders.
So I felt it in my spirit to confess to you guys and to share this with you
all, it's about my daughter.
Uh, when she was 13 years old, um, she was, uh, raped at school.
And, uh, it's something that it's have, it's been killing me ever
since she told me two years ago.
And, um, because I felt that I feel guilty about it.
Like I wasn't there for her.
Like, where was I?
And then the picture of what she could have gone through in my head, it's just,
it's just horrible.
And I've been praying for God to take that from me.
And I know that he's the only one that can help me through this because
this just is, it was very, um, I think this is one of the most hurtful
things that have happened in my life.
I'd gone through two divorces, but, um, this is just the most, uh, hurtful
thing that ever happened in my life.
Like hearing her telling me this.
And I didn't understand why at 13 years old, she totally changed.
I took her to places.
I took her to therapist, to therapist, to see what was going on.
Why is it that she was changing so much?
I have no idea.
I didn't know what to do.
And, uh, she never told me anything.
And, um, I, I just did not know what to do.
Then, um, then I divorced her dad because her dad was, he
was also not good for them.
Um, in, in the sense that he was just a very absent dad.
He was just, he was just not there.
And he treated me like that for 20 years.
But when he, when he started treating my daughters the same way, I was like, no,
I cannot show my daughters.
this is a marriage. So I just rather be by myself and showing them life than having for them to see
that this is how a marriage is. So long story short, I divorced him and three years later,
I met Mr. Right. And so I thought, and once I was married to him, that's when she told me.
And then I asked her, why are you telling me this now? After all these years that I've been
trying, taking you from place to place, trying to figure out what's going on, why is your teen
trying to help you? And she's like, mom, because now I see you in a better place. I see that you
have somebody that protects you and somebody that is there for you. But she didn't know exactly
what was going on with my husband then. And she thought he was a good man, that we had a perfect
relationship. And that's the reason why she told me then what happened to her. And I went crazy.
I went crazy when she told me this. I went to the police station, wanting for her to say what
happened and for this boy to be held accountable for what he had done. But like the lady was
sharing that the more I wanted her to get things out of her, the more she shut down and she wouldn't
confess. She wouldn't say anything else. Actually, I was able to find out who that person is.
But because at this time, now she was already 17, she needed to accuse him, not me. She needed to
say it in order for the police to move forward with the case. So the case is still open. They
told me that if at one point in her life she wants to move forward with it, the case is just there.
But it's ever since, and I've been taking her to places to places to help her because
that's something horrible. But I think that it's killing me more or I mean, not saying more, but
just the thought of it, just the thought of it and the fact that I wasn't there for her.
It's just very overwhelming and it's something that I think that's the most horrible thing that
ever happened to me in my life. Hearing from my daughter telling me what happened to her
because I felt like a failure. I felt like I wasn't there for her when I should have been.
Well, number one, I'm so sorry that happened to your daughter. I'm sorry to hear that you guys
have been walking through this for a few years now. I think it's really important for you to
understand that getting to the root of why you believe it's your fault is going to be key for
you because that's kind of what's opening the door to those tormenting thoughts. You're holding
yourself hostage for something that, you know, someone else did, right? And it sounds like you've
been doing your best to be a great mom, to take her to counselors, to try to get her the help that
she needs. You know, ladies, we're not going to be perfect, right? And so it's really important for you
to forgive yourself. You know, not that you did something wrong, but you're like the
not forgiving yourself and carrying the guilt and the shame. That's all from the enemy.
Guilt, shame, and condemnation are always from the enemy. Those are not from God.
And it's not even what God put inside of you. And so the enemy is trying to keep you bound with the
I could have done this. I should have done that. You know, we can't go back and change, unfortunately,
the things that even we did, let alone things that other people did. All we can do is move forward.
So the way for you to move forward is to forgive yourself. So I want to encourage you to get out
of forgiveness prayer sheet this week. What week of the course are you in?
Fourth week, but I'm like the other lady. Too many things just come and kind of to distract me.
Well, you are in the perfect week. You know that because you're in forgiveness week.
So it couldn't be better timing, honestly. So you're right on time. I want to encourage you
to get out the forgiveness prayer worksheet this week. And I really want you to process forgiving
yourself, relinquishing. That's the word that just came up in my spirit. Not just letting like
relinquish it like the guilt and the shame that is not that was never intended to be on you.
Yeah, it's kind of like, I understand it, but I just do not know how to process it.
It's like, it's like, I know that I couldn't, like, there's no way because again, it's like,
it's not like I send her somewhere or like, I took her to school and I used to take her
like I used to drive at six in the morning to take her to this school that I thought
it was the best place for her.
And it wasn't, and I think that's why it kind of like hurt me more the fact that I thought
I was doing the right thing for her and, and this happened on her.
Well, this is the thing, you know, we cannot keep our kids safe 24 seven.
I know that's hard for us.
It's hard.
It's hard for me.
Of course, if, if I, if I sit and think about some of the things my kids have had to go
through, I mean, yeah, it's overwhelming, but the reality is, is that you were doing
your best to take her to a good place.
Someone chose to do something harmful and evil.
You can choose to forgive yourself.
One of the things you said there at the beginning was like, when you started talking again was,
I don't know how to process this.
Well, it's one step at a time.
That's how, you know, um, what's that saying?
Do you know how to eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.
This is an elephant and the, the Lord has given you all authority and power to walk
forward through the blood of Jesus Christ.
So forgiving yourself is that first bite.
That's the first bite.
And then from there, the Lord will show you the next step.
It might be forgiving.
I would, I would even say, thank you Lord for bringing, doing a forgiveness prayer sheet
to forgive this boy.
Yeah.
You know, the reality is, is that dungeons is the Lord's and I know that can be really
hard for us, especially with things like this, but God will, if your daughter ever choose
to pursue like, you know, that, okay.
But you know, at this point it's completely surrendering all of that, all of the things
to the Lord.
Um, yeah, of course you all, it's hard to forgive our enemies.
If we just keep partnering with, it's hard to forgive our enemies, but if God's grace
is available to us, it's available for everything, including forgiving our enemies.
If we, if we want forgiveness, we must forgive.
We must now feel ready yet.
Remember ladies, this is the same power that rose Jesus from the dead is available to us
to enable us to do all things, including forgive.
So that's the step this week.
Number one, forgive yourself.
Number two, work on forgiving this boy and really surrendering, you know, make sure you
put your daughter and her healing process up on your Jesus cares board.
Because that's not, yeah, that's not your job to heal her.
You can love her.
You can be there for her.
You're doing the best that you can do now.
You know, the reality is, is the healing process is also going to be up to her partnering with
the Lord and allowing the Lord to work in her life and just praying and interceding
for her until she gets there.
You know, I always try to think of my life and my journey.
When I think about things, my girls are going through, I was in a really terrible place
and God saved me.
He rebuilt my life.
He's helped me one step at a time, one step at a time, one step at a time, take steps
forward and I believe he'll do the same for them as they allow him to do so.
So God's not a, not a man that he should lie and he's not a respecter of persons.
So what he's done for me and y'all, I was raped in college, legit, that happened.
I've been through it more than once to the point that it was literally like, really?
How does this freaking keep happening?
Well, sometimes spirits follow you around and you have to learn how to break that stuff
off your life.
I will not, I will not bow to the spirit of lust or fear in my life.
I will not.
And so I had to overcome that stuff.
I had to forgive myself because I had all kinds of guilt too, because I thought, well,
man, I shouldn't have gone to that party with my friends.
What?
I just went, I went to a party and somebody put stuff in my drink.
Somebody I thought I could trust.
Well, was that my fault?
No, but you better believe I thought it was, but I had to learn how to, I had to learn
how to let that go and forgive myself, even though I didn't do anything.
wrong I had to learn how to forgive myself because in order to let go of the guilt and the shame I
had to forgive myself for what I thought being in the wrong place at the wrong time not setting
boundaries with people my friend wanted to go and like stay with in this room well I shouldn't have
gone to that room with her and this guy you know I'm not saying it was my fault but I also owned
my side of the street and forgave myself does that make sense everyone because yeah so I promise you
I know it's not easy but it's going to be worth it and you can do this I believe in you I believe
that you can forgive and that you guys can move forward and the more that you heal I promise
whether it's immediate or not it is going to help your daughter thank you I actually did not realize
that that's that's one of the things that I need to do forgive that boy because uh it's just again
just the thought of it is just kills me and I that's I think that's where I need to start
exactly where I need to start thank you so much for you're welcome thank you for trusting us
ladies this is powerful stuff is it not all right so let's see I have Beth and Haley what we're
going to do I'm going to go four more minutes and I know this is really hard because you guys probably
have important stories too but what I'm going to do we're going to do a quick round I want to hear
what you guys are confessing and then what I want you to do is go into the group and tell us anything
else you didn't have the time to tell us okay if there's other things you know because it is
important for you to be able to share fully does that make sense what I'm saying all right so I'm
going to go to Beth first Beth will go and then after Beth is done um so you guys both go one
after the other and then what I'm going to do is I'll do any coaching for both of you and then close
the night out okay okay hi hi this is my first time second time live and first time sharing so
welcome I actually had a question um about I'm in week three and I the lord is revealing some
things about um some memories that I that I just kind of had a revealing for healing I guess of
rejection like all these memories of from my childhood of different groups of people rejecting
me and so um I think that's like a route um to like why I haven't really been able to receive
love and also like how I put myself out there in the dating world or just in relation in potential
relationships um so my question was just like what are some like I haven't finished my processing
my journaling so I kind of got stuck and distracted um you know so I was tracking
with everything you were saying there but you know about how the enemy tries to distract us
um my question is like are there what are like some tools for processing or like what do I do
with this now um right yeah this is a great question but I mean I can still like confess
stuff if you want me to I didn't mean to no no avoid what you suggested I just I don't feel like
you're avoiding it I think that's a really great question if you felt led to confess something you
would have I think that's totally fine um so you can stay there don't don't don't uh lower your
hand and then Haley um let's hear what you have to say okay um yeah I shared this in my group so
I just turned 40 I've never been married never had kids always wanted both I just found out that
I'm pregnant on Friday and I am freaking out I'm having all the negative emotions you could
possibly imagine all the shame regret embarrassment shock I feel kind of numb at this point I um
yeah I have a really good friend who's very wise in the spirit who's been just very helpful to me
but I I guess I'm just saying I'm freaking out and I feel the first thought that I had was I just
feel like my life has been one dark night of the soul to the next and I've been having to renounce
that uh and I just felt like I just gotten on my feet again from from just life you know and then I
just get knocked down again and yeah that's what I'm going through right now Haley thank you for
telling us and being vulnerable um I'm gonna I'm gonna respond to Beth first and then I'm gonna
circle back and uh coach you on a couple things there so so Beth on the rejection really the
biggest things um the revealing for healing cycle is huge I know it might not some people
aren't sure what to do with that we will do a session
on that where I'll walk you guys through kind of my process is how like what we try to teach
people on how to get to the root of things. So really working step by step on that revealing
for healing cycle will be a huge asset to you for processing things that are coming up.
And if you don't, if you don't fully understand some of it, you can come in the group and ask us
like, I'm not sure really what like, I'm just going to give an example. Like what painful
memories is like, what is the difference between that and one of the other ones? You know,
people will ask us that a lot. But as far as also processing rejection, I think one of the
biggest things is a like, when you said there, these are lots of people that have, you know,
rejected you throughout your life, and you're having these memories surface, I would really
recommend asking God what the similarity is. Okay. So for example, I used to attract really
unhealthy men. And they were abusive men, they were men that struggled with addictions of
different kinds, whether it was alcohol, or porn, sex addictions. And so I'm one day, it hit me like
I was the common denominator. And so I had to look at like, okay, it wasn't my fault that these people
were behaving in these ways, right. But I had to look at, okay, like, what's leading me to date
people like this and attract people like this, and really start getting to the root of the matter.
And part of it, I had done a lot of healing work regarding the sexual abuse I'd been through, I'd
done a lot of work regarding, you know, my dad being an alcoholic, like just a lot of the painful
stuff from growing up. But what I found is that there were additional layers of healing that I
really needed to work through regarding just the physical abuse that I saw between my siblings,
and my core identity, what I believed about myself. Because in my head, I valued myself,
but in my heart, there were a lot of areas, I didn't think I was worth good things.
And I've been a Christian for a long time, I believed it in my head that I was worth good
things, but my heart subconscious was telling me a different story. And so I would start dating
guys, and I would see flags, I would see things that weren't good, and I would keep dating them.
Because by that point, oftentimes, I was kind of hooked in because of something. So whether they
love bomb me, or, you know, with their kids, they drew me in, or, you know, there was just always
some kind of lure that the enemy would use. So I use that as an example to tell you, I had to really
get to like, okay, what's the common denominator me? And how did I get to that place, like where
I'm allowing myself to enter these relationships. So I had a lot of rejection in my life as well.
I felt rejected by my mom when I was little. I felt rejected by my dad before that, because my
dad left, like literally, my mom was still in the hospital with me. I was actually thinking about
this the other day, I wondered if one day, like when my dad came back, how I how I was as a baby
with him, because, you know, he was just like gone. And like, you know, attachments, you know,
theories and all this stuff. When you start watching videos of how that functions, you
realize the baby that doesn't know someone like they're just not going to be connected to them.
But then people that love them, they're connected to them. So interestingly enough, I was just
thinking about this the other day, like, I wondered what I was like, when my dad came back,
like as a little toddler, like, and I don't even know why I'm sharing this with you. But I just
like that thought occurred to me, like, huh, because my dad was who I struggled with the most.
Because I like chased after him, I wanted him to love me. I find it showing up even with I'm making
some connections, even for myself right now as I'm talking to you. But I've even found it showing up
with friends that were supposed to be like really great friends. And then one day, they just decide
that they don't want to be friends anymore. And it's not even something literally you all would
tell you if I did something like literally, they just changed their mind. Or they like the one
person used the Lord a lot is her excuse. Like, well, the Lord is just leading me over here.
And y'all, I believe in the flow of the Spirit. You know, for those of you that know me in this
community, you know, I believe in that. But you know what, sometimes we can use that as an excuse
and treat people really badly. Right? So I start looking at these patterns. And so even as I'm
talking to you, I'm seeing a pattern like I used to chase after my dad, I've always wanted him to
love me. I want I wanted him to pursue me. And I find the same thing with these
is friends. I always long for them to come back and apologize and make it right and want
to be my friend. You know, I can, I mean, like I have friends. It's not like I don't
have friends, but it's something about when people leave us, they reject us. You know,
it goes into the core lies that we believe of abandonment. You know, so I would even
encourage you Beth to look at what are, what are some of the core lies? Is it neglect?
Is it abandonment? But you need the Lord to reveal those things to you. And so not that
that's necessarily a tool right now, but I feel like it's really important for you to
kind of be in discovery mode before you try to put a bunch of tools in place. Does that
make sense? Yeah. And then let's kind of revisit even a week from now, like what else has come
up for you, whether you put a post in the group or you come live again and we can talk
more about it. Okay. Okay. Thanks. Ladies. Sometimes it's going to be layers. It's going
to take time. So Haley on yours. One of the first things that I'm, I really want to encourage
you to, to kind of spend some time with the Lord. When you said, I feel like I go from
one dark night of the soul to the next. So here's the tricky part. You know, earlier
when I was talking about my own self and I said I had to own my side of the street,
I don't know you. I feel like, I mean, I'm getting to know you through the group, but
I don't know you really well, but I want this to land really softly as much as softly as
I can say it. I think it's going to be really important for you to own whatever is your
role in the story. Okay. And, and what I mean by that is that other people probably
have done things, you've gone through things, the enemies probably attacked you as well.
So it's not like you ended up in all these situations just, you know, for no reason,
obviously the enemy has been doing things too. But the reality is, is that ladies, even
myself, if I looked back at my life, there were tragedies. Okay. There were, okay. My
family was hit by a drunk driver. My dad was a drug addict, alcoholic. My brother
sexually abused me. I just told you guys I was raped in college. Yes, that is one dark
night of the soul after another. And y'all, those are just four things. I, there's lots
more of major traumatic things I've gone through, but then the other things and there, you know,
some of those things were my decision, like dating the girl's dad. God tried to talk to
me to leave him and not date him very early on in that relationship. And I kept dating
him for six years. Now I could blame that all on God. And I could blame that on being
a dark night of the soul. And that it's just, this is my life. Or I could look at it and
see how God was with me that whole time, loving me, pursuing me, trying to draw me out of
that place. He was the light. The light was always there. But my perspective was focused
on what wasn't and what other people were doing to me. I was living in victim for far
too long. So I don't know all of your story. I don't know what all of the traumas you've
been through, but I want you to know that the light of Christ has always been there
with you, Haley. And I want you to think about it. And I know that this is not an easy
shift. This is just something that I'm going to encourage you to do day by day. As you
keep walking forward. I used to think of when I would go through a tunnel, it would feel
really dark. And you know, there's that saying there's, there's a light at the end of the
tunnel. Anybody else ever heard that? There's a light at the end of the tunnel. So I kept
feeling like frustrated because I felt like I was in the middle of the freaking tunnel
and I couldn't get out. If I could just get to the light, then maybe I would have a better
life. And one day God said to me, well, if I'm in you, I'm with you. And if I'm with
you, I'm the light. So if I'm in the dark middle of the tunnel, guess what the reality
is is that tunnel is no longer dark because Christ is with me. It changed my life. That
comment from the Lord changed my life.
Because in that moment I realized, oh my gosh,
I can look at this and believe that I'm just in the dark,
I live in the dark, my life is dark,
or I can remember and focus on the truth
that Jesus Christ is with me
and greater is he that is in me
than he that is in the world in the middle of this tunnel.
This tunnel is no longer dark
because Christ who is the light of the world is with me.
It'll literally, you guys, if you can imagine
in my mind's eye, it was like all of a sudden
that tunnel just lit right up.
That's what that was like for me.
I'm not saying that's gonna help you right now
in this moment, but I hope it does.
And I hope that that takes root in your soul
and that you start to view your life differently.
God has gifts for you, he forgives you, he loves you,
he's gonna help you walk this out and be a great mom.
This does not have to be a dark night of your soul.
You can receive the absolute,
unconditional love of the Father.
Here's the reality, ladies, I know I'm going longer
than I said I was going to, but it's good.
Here's the reality.
When we are at our worst, God loves us.
So Haley, do I think that God had a different plan?
Yeah, I do.
But you know what, he loves you fully right now.
He's not looking at you like, oh my gosh,
my daughter, she's such a freaking mess.
No, uh-uh.
He's like, man, my Haley girl,
I love her, I want her to know how much I love her.
She's mine, I cover her, I'm with her.
But it's up to us to believe that.
He can't force us to believe it, he just speaks it.
He declared it in his word.
So for you, if that's hard for you to believe, Haley,
I really want you to ask God to help you get to the root
of why you believe he doesn't really love you.
That's not hard for me to believe.
In fact, I was praying about it, and I was like,
God, where are you?
And I just saw Father God kneeling next to me
with his arm around me, and Jesus kneeling
on the other side of me with his arm around me,
and the Holy Spirit is a halo of flowers above my head.
And I really just sensed that I found out,
every time I'm like, where are you?
I see the two of them and the Holy Spirit above me.
It's been so beautiful because I also,
there is so many red flags with this relationship,
and it's very unlike me for me to ignore red flag
after red flag, that's not typical for me,
but I just did, I did.
And that's where I'm having trouble forgiving myself.
Like, why did I keep saying yes to seeing him
when he kept pushing and pushing sexual boundaries,
and I kept saying, no, no, no.
And yet, I kept seeing him, and that's where I'm like,
what was wrong, what is wrong with me?
Like, why was I like that?
I've never really done that before,
and I'm just, I guess I'm just still kind of shocked
and numbed, I feel kind of numb,
and I think I'm, I've always been like a freezer,
and I feel like I kind of froze in the moment,
and I struggle with being disagreeable,
which is why I have fences upon fences
upon fences of boundaries,
and he just blew by all of them.
So, okay, let me ask you a clarifying question,
because when you started, you said,
I'm in one dark night of the soul after another.
So my question for you is,
if God has already given you a vision
of how much he's with you, and he's covering you,
and it sounds like a beautiful vision,
why would you describe this as a dark night of the soul?
No, that was my first thought when I found out,
that was my very immediate thought,
but I had to reject that, and I did,
and I was like, renounce that,
I know that that's not true,
but that's what it can feel like,
because I've had like decades of chronic illness,
like deep, deep debt, so much depression,
but God's gotten me through all of those things,
and I was having to exhort my own soul,
like, God, you got me through this,
you got me through this,
but it just feels like I'm just having to get through
one thing after another,
and it's been decades of things,
and it just feels like a lot,
and so lonely,
because it's all been mostly by myself,
and I have to remind myself
that that's not exactly true either, though,
like, there's been so many,
my family's very supportive,
I've had amazing friends,
but it can feel just really, really alone.
Okay, two last things. One of the things that as you started clarifying, because I would have never guessed from how you describe things, that you feel like God has always gotten you through this stuff.
Okay, so that this is good. This is why we coach because you're saying, okay, no, I feel like this. And then we can kind of toggle back and forth to get to the root.
So one of the things we talk about is when we say, and again, we are going to have feelings, y'all, we're all going to feel stuff. But one of the things we have to be really careful about is making sure that feelings aren't getting in the driver's seat.
Okay, and so we can feel something and know that God is with us and that you know, okay, like she's saying, yeah, this is not true. I believe this instead.
The second thing I want to say is, um, you said, I'm not sure why I blew past, you know, these boundaries with this guy. Well, I think the loneliness is the root of the matter.
So I really want you to look at, I really want you to look at the loneliness with the Lord. And I'm not just the current loneliness, I want you to ask the Lord and even if you already think like, because sometimes people be like, I already know what it is.
And you might, but I want you to stay in discovery mode and really ask the Lord, when is the first time? When's the first time I felt deep loneliness, not just a little loneliness, deep loneliness, what was happening? What were the lies I believed when that happened? And let's see where the Lord leads you with that. Okay.
Awesome. Well, we're praying for you and your little baby, your little baby chick there.
I can't hear that yet. I can't hear that.
We're gonna bless her. Well, her or he, we don't know, baby, babe chicken there. So we'll pray for safety and all the things and God's provision for you. Ladies, this has been an awesome night. I'm so glad you've been here. Let me pray us out. Father, thank you so much for everything you're doing.
God, I thank you for just additional confessions and repentance. It's going to come out of tonight. God, we ask you to dislodge things again, just as I prayed earlier tonight, things that we cannot see. God, we ask you to bring those to the surface.
God, we thank you for supernatural breakthroughs, revelation and healing. God, that it will be ours, that we'll live in that. We'll walk in that. We thank you that we are victorious in you.
God, I pray also for Sela, rest for every one of these ladies. Let them experience your freedom and your power and your grace and fresh ways. Surround them with your love, Lord. And Lord, just give them divine revelation of what heaven and experiencing your love looks like, feels like, sounds like, and help them to hear that louder than any voice of the enemy. In Jesus name. Amen.
God bless you all. I hope you have a good night. We'll be seeing you all in the group. Okay. Bye everyone.