WEBVTT

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It is Monday, May 18th already, holy guacamole, men's heart check-in, hangout, we're, yeah,

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what an amazing day the Lord has made.

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So Joshua, like, can you, where are you at, what do you do, like, can you, little slight

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intro?

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Yeah, so I'm Joshua, I'm in the DFW area in Texas, I'm an ER nurse, and, yeah, so just

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got into heart works just to work on some trauma, work through some trauma, and also

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just kind of become the healthiest and best man I can, and grow closer to the Lord and

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hopefully become a better one-day husband.

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No, I mean, like, they're putting in the work, I mean, dude, I applaud, I mean, anybody

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who ever comes on this call, dude, I give you guys the utmost of props, because most

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dudes aren't doing it.

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Yeah.

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You know, like…

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It's tough.

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And I mean, one of the reasons why I lead this is because I believe in it, because like,

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you know, like, if you're willing to come, I'm willing to do what, I've done everything

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wrong, so I can tell you what not to do!

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Yeah.

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You know, like, it's…

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Yeah.

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So, Dallas, Fort Worth, so, how, where, I'm pretty ignorant, how close is that to Austin?

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Oh, um…

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An hour, three, three, four hours?

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So I've never driven to Austin from there, I used to live in East Texas, and the times

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are different.

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I think one of my friends or co-workers told me it took them about four hours to drive

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there from DFW, but I'd have to look it up to be for sure.

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Well, I mean, I just, like, because, um, because that's where Jackie's at, right?

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Jackie and David are over there, and they, um, they have a lot, they have some shindigs

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sometimes, so I'm like, you know, I wish, I wish it was a four, you know, a four-hour,

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Reading is my four-hour drive, so, like, I'm going this weekend.

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Yeah.

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So, um, cool, so how did you hear about this?

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How did you, how did you, um, hear about last year's single and all that?

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My mom did it.

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My mom did HeartWorks, and then, uh, her now-husband did HeartWorks.

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My sister did HeartWorks.

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Um, so, yeah, they've been telling me about it for a while, and, uh.

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Have they been giving you the good old elbow?

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They're like, hey, you know, like, you know, like, elbow.

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Well, once I found the men's group, that helped, because I love Jackie and her books, but it

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definitely is written for women.

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No!

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Yeah.

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Wow.

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Like, you know, it really is.

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So, I love it.

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It's really good, but I was, you know, you know, um, John Eldredge, it was a little bit

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like, if you read Wild at Heart and then tried to read Captivating, I'm like, really good,

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but I'm like, this was not written for men.

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Yeah, I haven't read Captivating yet, but I am familiar with Wild at Heart.

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But it's, it's not like reading Wild at Heart as a guy, and I imagine reading Wild at Heart

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as a woman is probably similar, so.

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Cool.

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So, yeah, no, like, HeartWorks, I mean, the whole reason why I had this call is to, like,

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see, um, where everybody's at.

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Like, the HeartWorks.

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Yeah.

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I mean, you guys, like, I mean, I keep sharing this, but like, I, like, I, um, you know,

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I was divorced for, gosh, I want to say seven, it was five or six years, I don't know.

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I was stuck with time, but like, you know, and I got back into dating and it was a train

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wreck, right?

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And there was this gal, um, I, Jackie's like, you're really good at finding avoidance, and

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they're like 3% of the population, so I'm like, great, lucky me.

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But, uh, you know, and so then, um, but when I got in and I started doing the HeartWork,

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it actually, um, I've done a lot of different, um, modalities, I guess, would you call it,

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but like, I love how Jackie, like, brings a bunch of them together and uses the Holy

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Spirit in it.

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And so I got free, because I, I mean, I hadn't dated, um, my first date back from divorce,

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you know, I hadn't dated for two years after my first date, because it was just, you know,

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and so, and I was hung up and so doing the HeartWork is super important in every stage

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when you get married, don't get married, when your boss is a jerk, like, you know, anything

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that caused trauma, like it's, it's, it's a life tool, it's not just, you know, at first

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I was like, oh, so you have, it's the, uh, it's the, uh, the tool to get into the, to

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see the ladies, right?

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You know, the HeartWork is the gate, I'll kick that gate down.

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But I actually, I actually did it twice when I started.

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Yeah, I actually just restarted from, I got to part three and felt like I was supposed

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to restart.

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So I just restarted myself.

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Okay.

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So like, uh, any questions, anything you want to cover?

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Um, I just, no, I, um, so long story short, I just.

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I got to that point and I was like, I don't feel like I'm feeling the emotions that I should at

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this point. So I'm like, we're just going to go back through. So that's, that's, that's really,

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I mean, that's a good point. Like, you know, well, but see, but also be gentle, right? Because

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sometimes don't try kicking doors down the Lord's not opening. Yeah, don't force it. But ask me how

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I know. I just, I just, um, yeah, I just, uh, broke off a three-year relationship, uh, engagement

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actually about a month ago. Um, so, uh, and it was, that was right about when I decided I'm like,

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okay, uh, I'm going to go ahead and re re restart this. So, yeah, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's

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yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Uh, yeah, it was, it's, it's tough, but I think it was, it needed to

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happen. So yeah, it's tougher being in a horrible marriage, right. Or it was something that doesn't

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work. Right. You know what I mean? Like, Oh, and it's, it's, you know, what, um,

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what's really tough is you can, uh, I think be in a relationship or even married to somebody

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who's really amazing. But I, you know, once you, once you, once you say I do, that's it.

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So I'm kind of like, and the thing is, is like, you know, um,

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are they somebody, are they a complimentary opposite? Like if they didn't change at all,

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like, you know, you guys, this is like, this is like things that I'm looking at. Like I look,

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I look at it's like, you know, are they a complimentary office and not that they have

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to be, but that's really helpful. Right. Um, like if they didn't change at all, like if they stayed

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in their same heartwork place, like, are there idiosyncrasies something I can deal with? Yeah.

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Right. Like, you know, I mean, a lot of people were like, well, um, marrying on a, what do you

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call it? Not promise. Oh, I guess promise. But like, um, they could be this, right? No, no,

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no run forest run. You know, like if they haven't become that, then don't.

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Yeah. Don't, don't, don't marry a potential potential. Thank you. Potential.

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That was the word. Yeah. Absolutely. And I don't think I could be wrong on this and probably am,

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but like, I, women seem to marry on potential a lot, right? Like they believe. And, and that's

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the good thing about ladies in a way. I mean, it's Achilles heel in some ways, and that's why

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Jackie works with them to get whole, but like, they'll see Beth, you know, you're looking for

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somebody who sees the best in you. Sure. Like, you know, Jackie and David, I mean, I don't know,

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like, you have, you know, their story, but like, um, like they built things together,

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you know, Jack, you know, like, like Jackie coming into his life brought vibrant different things.

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And so, um, because he was broke, right. You know, book is a joke and, um, coming out of a divorce

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and like the, like, like the, you would never like script it for marriage, but yet the Lord

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worked it out. Right. So I think too often you'll never be ready to get married. Like, like, like

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you'd never be ready to get kids. Like, you know, like there's some things where you can figure out

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the 2% thing or the 5% and you can convince yourself, but sometimes you, um, you just have

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to move or ask somebody else. So you guys like, um, that was one of the questions I had for

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everybody. Anybody, how are you guys doing on the apps? How are things going? You guys taking

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shots, right? I mean, you miss a hundred percent of the shots that you don't take, you know,

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I'm not, but I'm, I'm not going to do that within a month of breaking off an engagement.

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If you were, we would, I'd be like, you know, Joshua, I think you might want to slow your role

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a little bit. Yeah, for sure. You know, that whole, uh, the basketball thing, what do they,

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what do they call that when they pick up the ball? Oh, rebound. Let's not do that right now.

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That's how you get into really terrible relationships. You're like, Hey, she seemed

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great at the time, but like, um, but like, yeah, don't, don't play basketball and in dating

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relationships. It just doesn't work. Yeah. Have you heard the HALT acronym? The HALT acronym. Don't

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make any big decisions if you're hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Yep. Dude, it's a hundred percent.

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So Christopher, how you doing? Um, I know you're on your way to work, so maybe we'll jump on you

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jump. You got anything? You got any wins? Um, I guess you could consider it a win. I'm starting

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to narrow down what my type is. Um, cause I got a little bit over my skis with, uh, you know,

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my job pretty much kills any, any day of the work that day of the week I'm working. It kind of kills

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that day, but I've been stretching myself a little bit, trying to do some meetups for like coffee

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before work and across pads and they're getting off work and I'm going to work. Um, and that's been

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tough cause it means I got to skip the workout or whatever it is. But, um, I just.

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that I actually had two conversations with some potentials.

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One of them was basically, hey, I'm not feeling anything

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and I think I'm wasting your time.

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And those conversations I'm getting,

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I never liked doing them,

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but I think I'm getting better at navigating them.

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Cause it just, it's, you gotta pull that bandaid off.

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You can't just, you know, keep reeling them.

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It's just, it ends up being more cruel.

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She was, you know, she's way more into me

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than I was into her.

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And, you know, it hurts, it hurts them very badly.

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And I don't like doing that.

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So it's hard for me, but it was necessary.

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And just actually got off.

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It's honorable, right?

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Like it sucks, dude.

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I hate that part.

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Like, I don't know if any of you like it, please,

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like we need to have a talk.

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So, but like, I just thought about it.

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It's really hard, dude.

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You know?

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And I just got off actually random phone call

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from another one that I'm dating.

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She's actually in the program,

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but, you know, we had a date.

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She's in the program.

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Oh wait, Jackie's group, my bad.

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That's why I'm not, but she called me.

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It sounded like she had a pretty tough weekend.

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We had a date on Friday and she wanted to talk to me

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about some of her thoughts.

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Cause, you know, how two people can walk away

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from a date with completely different impressions.

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But I think her impression evolved over two days

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and some of her maybe tough emotional things

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she's going through.

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And all of a sudden some positives became negatives.

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But I think we navigated that pretty well.

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And we're gonna continue to see each other.

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But it's just interesting to me that I have a sense

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of that I've got to be very careful with how deep I go,

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with how casual I am.

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Cause, you know, that boundaries are important.

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And when someone keeps hounding you about,

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oh, you don't need that boundary.

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And then it turns out you did.

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Yeah, just, it was information that now I will just continue

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to do what I've been doing instead of making that,

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oh, well maybe she's, you know,

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there was too much trust there.

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She's in the program, she knows she's on the level

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and, you know, it ended up backfiring.

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But we had a good conversation about grace and boundaries.

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And I think she's just going through it.

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And I think maybe she's being a little critical of me

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saying it was our second date.

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So I'm like, all right, but I think we're good.

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Well, it sounds like you're learning a lot.

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You're getting like, you're getting reps.

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You learn a lot, you figure things out.

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Like, you know, I mean, shoot,

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my first date was a trainer.

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Like the first day back, you know,

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after the divorce, right?

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And so, you know, learning, you know, like,

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but I'm just glad you're in the game, right?

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And you're still working through it, you know,

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and eventually one will come through and, you know,

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you'll get it, right?

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I just want to encourage Josh, since you're new,

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like the hard work is just amazing.

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I remember week four was my week.

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I had to take like an extra week and a half to do

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because it really hit me.

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It's a lot about identity and who you are in Christ

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and who you are as just a person in the world.

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And I really came out of that with some good revelation

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that I like who I am.

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You know, I'm not perfect,

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but I got something to contribute.

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I'm a catch, I'll say that.

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And so, you know, I encourage you to just do that hard work.

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And I'm having fun dating, even though the apps are hard,

221
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the way that they put it out there is fun.

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I hope other people do,

223
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because I'm just scheduling things that are really fun.

224
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And then doing it with them and hopefully it goes well.

225
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Cool.

226
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Yeah, I think that's a really good thing.

227
00:13:59.740 --> 00:14:00.580
Like, it's like, hey dude,

228
00:14:00.580 --> 00:14:01.660
I'm going to do something that I want to do.

229
00:14:01.660 --> 00:14:03.060
And if it goes great, awesome.

230
00:14:03.060 --> 00:14:05.060
But either way, I'm going to have a good time, right?

231
00:14:05.060 --> 00:14:07.020
You know, like, you know,

232
00:14:07.020 --> 00:14:09.300
so it's a win no matter what, right?

233
00:14:11.420 --> 00:14:12.900
Anybody else, any wins,

234
00:14:12.900 --> 00:14:15.260
anything that you guys want to chat about?

235
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That's anything eating your Wheaties

236
00:14:19.460 --> 00:14:20.900
or not eating your Wheaties.

237
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Got a,

238
00:14:27.540 --> 00:14:29.500
got a lot of,

239
00:14:29.500 --> 00:14:32.540
looks like everybody's at work or on their thing.

240
00:14:32.540 --> 00:14:35.980
So one of the things you guys,

241
00:14:37.380 --> 00:14:38.500
that I'm seeing,

242
00:14:40.180 --> 00:14:41.620
how do I want to broach this?

243
00:14:42.780 --> 00:14:44.500
It's funny, I thought about this all day long

244
00:14:44.500 --> 00:14:45.660
and I'm like, I don't really,

245
00:14:45.660 --> 00:14:46.940
but like, love you guys.

246
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Like, you know, the first Corinthians,

247
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or I think it's 13,

248
00:14:51.660 --> 00:14:53.580
but like talking about, you know,

249
00:14:53.580 --> 00:14:56.020
love thinks the best and seeks the best,

250
00:14:56.020 --> 00:14:57.140
you know, love is patient.

251
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Everybody goes, love is patient, love is kind.

252
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And, you know, we get that.

253
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:09.600
But one of the things is, I keep running into it, and I think every facet, and I've just

254
00:15:09.600 --> 00:15:15.320
happened to, I think in dating, there's a couple gals who I decided to choose the best,

255
00:15:15.320 --> 00:15:17.960
thinking the best, because it didn't go super great.

256
00:15:17.960 --> 00:15:22.860
I was like, you know, love thinks the best, right?

257
00:15:22.860 --> 00:15:29.760
And it ended up being, it was a legit thing, and if I had gone to where the enemy wanted

258
00:15:29.760 --> 00:15:36.860
to take me, and I hadn't led with love, then it would've ruined a really cool moment, right?

259
00:15:36.860 --> 00:15:46.760
And ultimately, you guys, whether you, whoever you interact with, I would hope, and my heart

260
00:15:46.760 --> 00:15:52.120
in every person and every date that I go on is that I raise the bar for them, right?

261
00:15:52.120 --> 00:15:57.440
Like that I, you know, if we don't work out, that they are like, hey, oh, that's what a

262
00:15:57.440 --> 00:16:03.000
Christian man looks like, that's what, I reset the target so that they're like, you

263
00:16:03.000 --> 00:16:08.760
know, he didn't push boundaries, he was honest, he was kind, right?

264
00:16:08.760 --> 00:16:13.440
We didn't get, you guys, every one of mine seems to be a ministry opportunity, which

265
00:16:13.440 --> 00:16:14.440
is kind of crazy.

266
00:16:14.440 --> 00:16:19.760
You know, I dated, I went on a date with a cop, which, oh, and that's the other thing,

267
00:16:19.760 --> 00:16:25.400
and I know I had talked about this a couple weeks ago, but like, the more reps you get,

268
00:16:25.400 --> 00:16:28.280
the more you know you're not, so you walk in, you're like, you're confident, you're

269
00:16:28.280 --> 00:16:31.840
like, hey, no, oh, you're not what I want, or you're what I want, and then you can just

270
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walk into it.

271
00:16:32.840 --> 00:16:36.760
Like, so I went on this date, and I didn't know she was a cop, right, and that hadn't

272
00:16:36.760 --> 00:16:42.400
even been in my freaking, wasn't even, hadn't even been a thought.

273
00:16:42.400 --> 00:16:46.620
And she's like, I'm in law enforcement, and I'm like, huh.

274
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So then I sat there and processed in real time in the date, which was super, super great.

275
00:16:54.560 --> 00:17:00.400
But I did learn that, you know, maybe, I don't think law enforcement's for me, just really

276
00:17:00.400 --> 00:17:01.400
isn't.

277
00:17:01.400 --> 00:17:05.160
You know, she was a cool lady, taught her, I was like, hey, here's a couple books on

278
00:17:05.160 --> 00:17:07.520
how to really hear God if you ever need some help.

279
00:17:07.520 --> 00:17:15.400
So I ended up being a blessing in it and reset it, but like, you know, you may just, God

280
00:17:15.400 --> 00:17:18.079
may be using you to set the bar for somebody else.

281
00:17:18.079 --> 00:17:22.980
And especially when somebody's in this community, I mean, you guys, like, we're men of honor.

282
00:17:22.980 --> 00:17:24.540
That's what we do, right?

283
00:17:24.540 --> 00:17:29.700
And knowing what you want will help you be confident when you see what you want.

284
00:17:29.700 --> 00:17:40.540
And yeah, so anyways, this hasn't worked yet, like, I just want like, full disclosure, right?

285
00:17:40.540 --> 00:17:51.980
But you know, one of the things that I always, how much do I want to just, so what, somebody

286
00:17:51.980 --> 00:17:56.460
once said, don't be afraid to ask the prettiest girl in the room out, right?

287
00:17:56.460 --> 00:18:02.300
And like, and so I haven't, and actually, it hasn't, I haven't landed any of them yet.

288
00:18:02.300 --> 00:18:07.260
But like, you guys, just take, take swings, you guys, you know, you're here, you're doing

289
00:18:07.260 --> 00:18:10.940
the work, you're doing the hard work, you're unicorns.

290
00:18:10.940 --> 00:18:17.700
Like people don't do this, most dudes, you know, and so and don't, and don't feel like

291
00:18:17.700 --> 00:18:26.460
you have to be a jerk to, there's a lot of ladies who are used to being screwed with

292
00:18:26.460 --> 00:18:32.340
and messed with, with their nervous systems in order, you know, to be attracted, right?

293
00:18:32.340 --> 00:18:33.340
That's not what we do.

294
00:18:33.340 --> 00:18:34.460
That's not how we roll.

295
00:18:34.460 --> 00:18:37.100
Because how you land something is how you're going to keep it, right?

296
00:18:37.100 --> 00:18:41.820
Like, and you don't want to, you don't want to be that way, right?

297
00:18:41.820 --> 00:18:48.300
Be strong, be confident, be in your full masculine, divine masculinity protects.

298
00:18:48.300 --> 00:18:51.580
It's not, it doesn't shrink back, it's not passive.

299
00:18:51.580 --> 00:19:00.820
But it's also not, it's always kind, it's not, it's not unkind, it doesn't, it doesn't

300
00:19:00.820 --> 00:19:03.100
try to force things, it doesn't work things.

301
00:19:03.100 --> 00:19:06.300
And so and like, Christopher, I really, I've really, I've really appreciate, I'm really

302
00:19:06.300 --> 00:19:11.620
proud of you, dude, for, for what it's worth, like, you've been navigating a lot of crazy

303
00:19:11.620 --> 00:19:12.620
scenarios.

304
00:19:12.620 --> 00:19:15.540
And I just want to give you props, dude, because I'm, I just want to tip my hat, because it's

305
00:19:15.540 --> 00:19:16.700
not easy.

306
00:19:16.700 --> 00:19:19.580
But you've been a man of honor, and it shows who you are.

307
00:19:19.580 --> 00:19:20.580
Right.

308
00:19:20.580 --> 00:19:24.460
And so like, when somebody, you know, somebody asked, like, Hey, who's Christopher?

309
00:19:24.460 --> 00:19:26.500
I'm like, dude, that guy's solid, right?

310
00:19:26.500 --> 00:19:29.220
You know, you know, he's learning what he wants.

311
00:19:29.220 --> 00:19:32.540
He treats me, he treats everybody with honor.

312
00:19:32.540 --> 00:19:38.060
He's a solid and amazing guy, whoever gets, whoever gets to marry him is going to be blessed.

313
00:19:38.060 --> 00:19:40.260
And so I appreciate that.

314
00:19:40.260 --> 00:19:44.460
You know, and just, so just keep, keep, keep it up.

315
00:19:44.460 --> 00:19:49.880
Keep the divine masculine and let, let the Lord work on the details like you guys.

316
00:19:49.880 --> 00:19:56.740
I've crashed and burned so many times like, like, you know, it just like, like, sometimes

317
00:19:56.740 --> 00:19:59.980
it still stings, you know, but, but I look at it as like, Hey, man.

318
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.560
I took a swing, right?

319
00:20:01.560 --> 00:20:02.680
I mean, I went for, you know,

320
00:20:02.680 --> 00:20:03.760
I don't know if you guys play baseball,

321
00:20:03.760 --> 00:20:05.520
but when you go, when you come up there

322
00:20:05.520 --> 00:20:06.920
and you're going for the fences,

323
00:20:06.920 --> 00:20:09.120
like, dude, go for the fences.

324
00:20:09.120 --> 00:20:10.720
I mean, don't be offensive when you do it,

325
00:20:10.720 --> 00:20:15.720
but like, but you know, like, you never know, you know?

326
00:20:15.880 --> 00:20:16.880
I mean, I met some good,

327
00:20:16.880 --> 00:20:18.720
some of those ladies have become friends, right?

328
00:20:18.720 --> 00:20:20.480
Like, you know, and then I realized,

329
00:20:20.480 --> 00:20:22.800
man, I wouldn't ask them,

330
00:20:22.800 --> 00:20:25.400
I wouldn't recommend them to any of you all because,

331
00:20:25.400 --> 00:20:27.960
you know, like, and so it ends up being,

332
00:20:27.960 --> 00:20:30.080
trying to get them into the heartwork and stuff.

333
00:20:30.080 --> 00:20:31.360
And that's another thing, you guys,

334
00:20:31.360 --> 00:20:33.880
like ladies in this community,

335
00:20:33.880 --> 00:20:36.880
there's a commonality that you already have, right?

336
00:20:36.880 --> 00:20:39.160
Like, so if there is people in the community

337
00:20:39.160 --> 00:20:42.840
and I would highly recommend like pursuing that

338
00:20:42.840 --> 00:20:45.120
because you have common terms,

339
00:20:45.120 --> 00:20:48.360
you have a common community, like you can,

340
00:20:48.360 --> 00:20:49.600
like if there's things that come up,

341
00:20:49.600 --> 00:20:51.280
you can discuss things, right?

342
00:20:52.360 --> 00:20:55.200
That hasn't worked for me because there's like,

343
00:20:55.200 --> 00:20:56.600
well, I guess Redding's kind of,

344
00:20:56.600 --> 00:20:57.440
it's four hours away,

345
00:20:57.440 --> 00:21:01.360
but it's not really like local, local for me, you know?

346
00:21:01.360 --> 00:21:03.320
There's a lot of people in Texas,

347
00:21:03.320 --> 00:21:06.200
so I don't know, like, you know, Joshua,

348
00:21:06.200 --> 00:21:07.280
once you get your healing

349
00:21:07.280 --> 00:21:09.720
and you kind of get back on your feet

350
00:21:09.720 --> 00:21:14.720
and don't feel pressured to get on your feet, right?

351
00:21:15.160 --> 00:21:19.840
Let the grief process, let that process roll, right?

352
00:21:21.360 --> 00:21:23.440
And you know, I actually,

353
00:21:23.440 --> 00:21:25.840
one of the things lately I've been going through,

354
00:21:26.720 --> 00:21:28.320
the church I've been working with

355
00:21:28.320 --> 00:21:31.000
is I've been going through some rough things

356
00:21:31.000 --> 00:21:32.800
and I haven't had bandwidth, right?

357
00:21:32.800 --> 00:21:34.720
Like if you don't have bandwidth,

358
00:21:34.720 --> 00:21:37.080
I want, when I go on a date,

359
00:21:37.080 --> 00:21:39.520
I wanna show up as the real me

360
00:21:39.520 --> 00:21:41.120
and have the bandwidth to do that.

361
00:21:41.120 --> 00:21:43.960
And if you can't do that, that's okay, right?

362
00:21:43.960 --> 00:21:46.080
You know, I still say,

363
00:21:47.000 --> 00:21:48.960
like why, look at your reason

364
00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:51.600
why you don't have bandwidth, right?

365
00:21:51.600 --> 00:21:52.720
You know, make some adjustments

366
00:21:52.720 --> 00:21:54.880
so you can get to the place where you have,

367
00:21:55.640 --> 00:21:57.600
like you guys, if you guys are marriage-minded,

368
00:21:57.600 --> 00:21:59.480
which I'm pretty sure you all are,

369
00:21:59.480 --> 00:22:00.560
like, do you have a ring fund?

370
00:22:00.560 --> 00:22:03.040
You know, I mean, I'm gonna beat this horse

371
00:22:03.040 --> 00:22:04.800
every single time just because,

372
00:22:04.800 --> 00:22:08.480
like be intentional, even if it's just squirreling away

373
00:22:08.480 --> 00:22:11.160
10 bucks a week, 15 bucks a week, right?

374
00:22:11.160 --> 00:22:15.440
Like, begin with the end in mind

375
00:22:15.440 --> 00:22:17.640
and work your way there, right?

376
00:22:17.640 --> 00:22:20.160
Like, and so, and I know I'm preaching to the choir

377
00:22:20.160 --> 00:22:23.040
in a little bit because you guys are here,

378
00:22:23.080 --> 00:22:25.120
but I just like, you know, like, you know,

379
00:22:25.120 --> 00:22:27.560
as at Lombardi would be like, hey, this is a football,

380
00:22:27.560 --> 00:22:30.000
which everybody's like, well, duh, coach, it's a football,

381
00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:32.680
but he'd start out with the basics

382
00:22:32.680 --> 00:22:35.520
is hard work, super important, you know,

383
00:22:35.520 --> 00:22:37.760
getting on apps or getting connected,

384
00:22:37.760 --> 00:22:40.800
like getting opportunities, taking swings.

385
00:22:40.800 --> 00:22:43.960
So you can find out who you like, what you like.

386
00:22:43.960 --> 00:22:48.960
You can navigate boundaries or learn, you know,

387
00:22:49.240 --> 00:22:52.000
learn like a couple of weeks ago, you know,

388
00:22:52.000 --> 00:22:55.640
I made a mistake where I let the fun out of it.

389
00:22:56.560 --> 00:22:58.560
Like, you know, it got so, you know,

390
00:22:58.560 --> 00:23:02.760
like every conversation started getting like serious

391
00:23:02.760 --> 00:23:04.440
and it became fun, less fun.

392
00:23:04.440 --> 00:23:05.400
And then she's like, you know what?

393
00:23:05.400 --> 00:23:06.800
I don't think I can do this dating thing.

394
00:23:06.800 --> 00:23:10.360
And she, and she got off the apps and I'm like, dang, man,

395
00:23:10.360 --> 00:23:13.200
I wish I would have pulled up, but I didn't,

396
00:23:13.200 --> 00:23:15.560
I didn't think about it until it was too late.

397
00:23:15.560 --> 00:23:18.000
And so I say, you guys, and Christopher,

398
00:23:18.000 --> 00:23:18.840
that's what I love.

399
00:23:18.840 --> 00:23:21.120
Like you're going out and you're doing something fun, right?

400
00:23:21.200 --> 00:23:23.440
Like, let's go do something fun, something I enjoy.

401
00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:25.240
And you're going to show up as your best self

402
00:23:25.240 --> 00:23:27.280
when you're doing that, right?

403
00:23:27.280 --> 00:23:30.920
So, so.

404
00:23:30.920 --> 00:23:32.040
That's funny that you said that.

405
00:23:32.040 --> 00:23:35.080
I said those exact words to her today.

406
00:23:35.080 --> 00:23:37.120
I said, when we do something fun,

407
00:23:37.120 --> 00:23:40.120
when we go out and we do an activity together,

408
00:23:40.120 --> 00:23:42.320
we're enjoying each other's company,

409
00:23:42.320 --> 00:23:44.400
that's the best version of me that you're going to get.

410
00:23:44.400 --> 00:23:46.960
So that's why I do things like that.

411
00:23:46.960 --> 00:23:48.360
Yeah.

412
00:23:48.400 --> 00:23:51.480
Well, and, you know, build a life that you want to be,

413
00:23:51.480 --> 00:23:53.640
like that somebody wants to be with, right?

414
00:23:53.640 --> 00:23:56.000
And Chris, I'm like, dude, you're like,

415
00:23:56.000 --> 00:23:57.120
you're killing, you're crushing it, bro.

416
00:23:57.120 --> 00:23:58.600
Like, right?

417
00:23:58.600 --> 00:23:59.440
You know?

418
00:23:59.440 --> 00:24:00.280
I appreciate it.

419
00:24:00.280 --> 00:24:02.440
I think you're, you're hyping me up too much,

420
00:24:02.440 --> 00:24:03.560
but I'll take the.

421
00:24:03.560 --> 00:24:07.800
But it's, it's, I don't, I don't blow smoke, dude.

422
00:24:07.800 --> 00:24:10.480
Like that's just not in my, it's not in my nature,

423
00:24:10.480 --> 00:24:14.080
but I do love the fact that you're, you're, you're,

424
00:24:14.080 --> 00:24:16.800
you're working, you're working, you're at it,

425
00:24:16.800 --> 00:24:19.080
you're doing it, you're doing great things, you know?

426
00:24:19.080 --> 00:24:22.720
And the results may not be there yet, but they'll come,

427
00:24:22.720 --> 00:24:25.040
you know, I mean, as long as you're, as you're,

428
00:24:25.040 --> 00:24:27.440
as you're working, I don't know,

429
00:24:27.440 --> 00:24:29.120
like the fundamentals, right?

430
00:24:29.120 --> 00:24:33.760
Like, you know, you know, and learning them, like I,

431
00:24:33.760 --> 00:24:36.320
you know, and I just applaud you because,

432
00:24:36.320 --> 00:24:38.320
and I, I love that you're doing it

433
00:24:38.320 --> 00:24:39.240
because we can all learn,

434
00:24:39.240 --> 00:24:41.120
we can all glean from that, right?

435
00:24:41.120 --> 00:24:43.120
I'm like, oh yeah, boundaries.

436
00:24:43.280 --> 00:24:47.320
And oh, people, man, they, they want this quick,

437
00:24:47.320 --> 00:24:49.040
quick connection and they want to be like,

438
00:24:49.040 --> 00:24:50.640
let's be, let's be like,

439
00:24:50.640 --> 00:24:54.160
let's go from level one to three in about 35 seconds, right?

440
00:24:54.160 --> 00:24:55.000
Yeah.

441
00:24:55.000 --> 00:24:56.880
And how do you navigate that, right?

442
00:24:58.280 --> 00:25:00.080
I think that I plan, I'm already.

443
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.000
kind of playing a disadvantage.

444
00:25:01.000 --> 00:25:05.780
Cause I will echo, you know, being in law enforcement myself, even

445
00:25:05.780 --> 00:25:10.600
the dispatch side of things, it's already a tough ask being in that

446
00:25:10.600 --> 00:25:11.860
world when you're not in the world.

447
00:25:12.360 --> 00:25:16.160
And, and maybe being a spouse in that world is extremely difficult.

448
00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:22.760
And I think that that is not made for Smith, just it is.

449
00:25:23.220 --> 00:25:25.000
I mean, I'm, I'm working nights right now.

450
00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:27.680
That's really causing some issues with some, some of the

451
00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:29.400
ladies that I'm like, look.

452
00:25:30.060 --> 00:25:31.140
I want to have weekends off.

453
00:25:31.140 --> 00:25:31.980
So I work nights.

454
00:25:32.080 --> 00:25:35.520
I can have weekends and go into days, but I am not high enough

455
00:25:35.520 --> 00:25:36.540
at CRU to get weekends.

456
00:25:36.800 --> 00:25:37.640
Well, you're not going to Christmas.

457
00:25:37.800 --> 00:25:41.740
No, no major holidays, zero zilch, probably going to have them

458
00:25:41.740 --> 00:25:43.180
unless I have the day off already.

459
00:25:43.460 --> 00:25:44.560
And so it's a big ask.

460
00:25:44.560 --> 00:25:46.280
So, um, I will echo that.

461
00:25:46.280 --> 00:25:47.300
That's, that's tough.

462
00:25:47.660 --> 00:25:51.540
And, uh, I have experienced a bit of that and it's not for everyone.

463
00:25:51.540 --> 00:25:55.140
And so don't feel, don't feel terrible about not wanting to get in the life.

464
00:25:55.500 --> 00:25:55.740
Sure.

465
00:25:55.740 --> 00:25:57.980
My I'm sure Josh can relate being an earners.

466
00:25:58.960 --> 00:25:59.680
Yeah.

467
00:25:59.760 --> 00:26:00.080
Yeah.

468
00:26:00.080 --> 00:26:02.760
I was, uh, I worked on the box for four years also.

469
00:26:02.760 --> 00:26:06.640
So, uh, I don't know if you dispatch for EMS also, or just, uh, police,

470
00:26:06.640 --> 00:26:09.120
but yes, I definitely understand.

471
00:26:10.580 --> 00:26:14.360
Well, and I think that's also like something where, um, cause

472
00:26:14.360 --> 00:26:16.400
I dated a nurse prior to the cop.

473
00:26:20.600 --> 00:26:21.460
We're kind of scary.

474
00:26:22.120 --> 00:26:25.880
Well, and, and so, but I, but here, here's the thing is like, okay.

475
00:26:25.880 --> 00:26:26.760
I'm like, Hey, you know what?

476
00:26:26.780 --> 00:26:31.900
She's worth the, uh, I mean, Trump blew it up because it was politics

477
00:26:31.900 --> 00:26:33.900
ended up blowing that whole thing up.

478
00:26:33.900 --> 00:26:38.700
But like, um, which is insane to still like, I, you know, I, I'm like,

479
00:26:39.580 --> 00:26:44.220
um, some people it's really important to, um, uh, I call it idolatry.

480
00:26:44.220 --> 00:26:48.140
Like anything that becomes bigger than Jesus, it becomes an idol.

481
00:26:48.180 --> 00:26:51.340
Even if it's relationships, it's like, you know, like to me, I'm

482
00:26:51.340 --> 00:26:53.760
like kingdoms first, right.

483
00:26:53.780 --> 00:26:58.260
Um, but like, but I was looking at, I'm like, okay, well, she works for four on

484
00:26:58.260 --> 00:27:02.580
three off, I'm like, that's going to be a bit bumpy, right.

485
00:27:02.620 --> 00:27:05.940
But then I'm like, we can, I think I can make that work.

486
00:27:06.580 --> 00:27:06.820
Right.

487
00:27:06.820 --> 00:27:10.820
Like, you know, it's, it's like, and so when you find, when you find

488
00:27:10.820 --> 00:27:13.340
somebody of value, it's like, you know, we'll make that work.

489
00:27:13.660 --> 00:27:19.740
It should be like, Hey, you know, so I like even the gallon law enforcement,

490
00:27:19.740 --> 00:27:26.520
like, you know, um, if we'd hit it off, I would have been okay with it, but

491
00:27:26.520 --> 00:27:29.640
like, we just really didn't, didn't work jive really well.

492
00:27:29.840 --> 00:27:30.520
She was cool.

493
00:27:31.440 --> 00:27:32.440
We could be like, great.

494
00:27:32.760 --> 00:27:34.640
We can hang out and have great combos.

495
00:27:34.640 --> 00:27:35.160
That was great.

496
00:27:35.160 --> 00:27:39.080
But like, there was no, I was like, yeah, no, nothing there.

497
00:27:39.360 --> 00:27:40.920
And she's like, you know, I didn't feel a connection.

498
00:27:40.920 --> 00:27:44.340
I'm like, yeah, no, there wasn't, but which is okay.

499
00:27:45.080 --> 00:27:46.520
Like the whole point is getting out there.

500
00:27:46.520 --> 00:27:47.560
It's like, do we have a connection?

501
00:27:47.820 --> 00:27:49.740
Now I do have to say you guys.

502
00:27:49.740 --> 00:27:53.780
And like, um, just because I need to hear that.

503
00:27:53.780 --> 00:27:58.700
Like if I, if I need to hear this, you guys need to hear it is, um, fast

504
00:27:58.700 --> 00:28:01.500
connection isn't all is, is rarely good.

505
00:28:01.540 --> 00:28:05.080
Usually that's your red flag, your, that your brokenness and their brokenness,

506
00:28:05.080 --> 00:28:07.700
they're having a field day and you're freaking endorphins are running.

507
00:28:07.700 --> 00:28:09.300
And you're like, this is amazing.

508
00:28:09.300 --> 00:28:11.460
And your brain is not engaged.

509
00:28:11.460 --> 00:28:14.580
It's your, it's your, your demons are playing together.

510
00:28:14.600 --> 00:28:19.320
Whatever you, however you want to call it, like, um, the slow burn is what

511
00:28:19.320 --> 00:28:20.000
you're looking for.

512
00:28:20.360 --> 00:28:20.820
Right.

513
00:28:20.920 --> 00:28:25.880
Um, which for me has been an adjustment, I have to say, but you got, you know,

514
00:28:25.880 --> 00:28:32.200
there's been like, um, there's like, I don't have this like massive endorphin

515
00:28:32.200 --> 00:28:34.800
hit, like, oh, this can't be, I must not be attracted.

516
00:28:34.800 --> 00:28:36.180
And then I'm like, no, I'm attracted.

517
00:28:36.520 --> 00:28:39.200
I just am used to that huge rush.

518
00:28:39.940 --> 00:28:45.540
Um, and then as I got, then as I got to know her, that rush grew, does that make

519
00:28:45.540 --> 00:28:45.980
sense?

520
00:28:46.220 --> 00:28:52.300
Is it like, versus like the broken one, it's like massive, right?

521
00:28:52.540 --> 00:28:54.020
It's like slow.

522
00:28:54.020 --> 00:28:54.900
And then it grows.

523
00:28:54.900 --> 00:28:59.820
And then it, you know, um, and that's why so many people are like, once the

524
00:28:59.820 --> 00:29:01.980
endorphins wear off, their relationships are over.

525
00:29:02.340 --> 00:29:05.220
I think Julia Roberts was the ones like, I'm in love with being in love.

526
00:29:06.200 --> 00:29:11.400
Like she wanted the honeymoon phase the whole time and that's great initially,

527
00:29:11.400 --> 00:29:16.440
but you can't build, there's no depth to it because it's all, it's all chemical

528
00:29:16.440 --> 00:29:16.960
reaction.

529
00:29:17.640 --> 00:29:22.840
So, you know, mature love is when you start, um, when that you still have that

530
00:29:22.880 --> 00:29:29.080
to some extent, but you, you grow in like emotional connection.

531
00:29:29.600 --> 00:29:32.360
I mean, obviously everybody goes for the physical connection, but you guys, that's

532
00:29:32.420 --> 00:29:36.620
like the least of the ones, spiritual, emotional, intellectual.

533
00:29:36.980 --> 00:29:40.340
Um, I didn't know I need an intellectual connection.

534
00:29:40.380 --> 00:29:44.660
So like in some of these dates, the gal, I was like, I'm having to explain

535
00:29:44.660 --> 00:29:49.540
everything and which is fine, but like, it's like, I want somebody who we can

536
00:29:49.540 --> 00:29:54.020
actually have a conversation where, um, it stretches me.

537
00:29:54.260 --> 00:29:54.500
Right.

538
00:29:54.500 --> 00:29:58.460
And, you know, and so, um, and I had a gal that I was like, oh my gosh, I'm

539
00:29:58.460 --> 00:29:59.620
outmatched, which was.

540
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.320
which was actually extremely attractive

541
00:30:02.320 --> 00:30:04.000
because I'm like, man, I have to keep up with this gal.

542
00:30:04.000 --> 00:30:05.240
It's kind of fun, right?

543
00:30:05.240 --> 00:30:07.140
You know, like I have, you know, and so,

544
00:30:07.140 --> 00:30:09.880
but figure out what you, what,

545
00:30:09.880 --> 00:30:12.660
do you need like emotional connection, right?

546
00:30:12.660 --> 00:30:13.500
I mean, that's,

547
00:30:15.140 --> 00:30:16.380
it's massive for ladies

548
00:30:16.380 --> 00:30:18.280
and it's really important for dudes, right?

549
00:30:18.280 --> 00:30:21.800
You know, spiritual connection for me is like number one,

550
00:30:22.920 --> 00:30:25.220
you know, and I've had a lot of really beautiful women

551
00:30:25.220 --> 00:30:26.780
that the physical,

552
00:30:27.620 --> 00:30:31.500
like that whole, the physical attraction was there,

553
00:30:31.500 --> 00:30:34.700
you know, the, but like the spiritual thing,

554
00:30:34.700 --> 00:30:38.700
I'm like, man, we can't talk about things and I,

555
00:30:45.260 --> 00:30:46.700
I'm gonna be very careful.

556
00:30:48.260 --> 00:30:50.560
Sorry, I was about to say something and I like,

557
00:30:52.380 --> 00:30:54.460
we're called to be spiritual leaders,

558
00:30:55.420 --> 00:31:00.120
but like, but if you're having to carry somebody,

559
00:31:01.380 --> 00:31:04.900
that gets, it gets, it gets heavy real quick, right?

560
00:31:04.900 --> 00:31:07.100
And so make sure that,

561
00:31:07.100 --> 00:31:08.220
so unequally yoked,

562
00:31:08.220 --> 00:31:10.340
you can be unequally yoked in a Christian relationship.

563
00:31:10.340 --> 00:31:13.060
And I mean, I've had this conversation with Jackie

564
00:31:13.060 --> 00:31:14.580
and I've, cause I've lived it, right?

565
00:31:14.580 --> 00:31:16.340
I was an on fire Christian and evangelist

566
00:31:16.340 --> 00:31:17.820
wanting to go change the world.

567
00:31:17.820 --> 00:31:20.140
And my ex was a couch potato

568
00:31:20.140 --> 00:31:23.400
who just wanted to go to church on Sundays, right?

569
00:31:23.400 --> 00:31:26.080
So if you want to be a couch potato Christian,

570
00:31:26.080 --> 00:31:27.720
which is fine, if that's what you want to do.

571
00:31:27.720 --> 00:31:29.160
And that's how you were like,

572
00:31:29.160 --> 00:31:30.000
like you're gonna,

573
00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:33.480
you're gonna go work at church and do that stuff.

574
00:31:33.480 --> 00:31:36.200
Find somebody else who has the same kind of style

575
00:31:36.200 --> 00:31:37.860
and mesh with that.

576
00:31:37.860 --> 00:31:39.800
But don't go for somebody who is out

577
00:31:39.800 --> 00:31:41.080
charging the gates of hell

578
00:31:41.080 --> 00:31:44.120
when you want to be sitting at church

579
00:31:44.120 --> 00:31:46.440
in a children's ministry doing that stuff.

580
00:31:46.440 --> 00:31:48.880
Not that there's anything wrong with like

581
00:31:48.880 --> 00:31:50.040
not charging the gates of hell.

582
00:31:50.040 --> 00:31:54.040
I'm kind of an outside the box, outside the church guy.

583
00:31:54.040 --> 00:31:55.720
Marrying an inside the church girl

584
00:31:55.720 --> 00:31:58.720
didn't really work for me, for us.

585
00:31:58.720 --> 00:32:00.960
Because she wanted to be in the church,

586
00:32:00.960 --> 00:32:02.280
which I didn't have a problem with,

587
00:32:02.280 --> 00:32:04.720
but I'm like, we also, but we never got outside.

588
00:32:04.720 --> 00:32:05.560
Does that make sense?

589
00:32:05.560 --> 00:32:07.100
Like, I hope I'm making sense.

590
00:32:07.100 --> 00:32:08.640
Marry somebody who's walking

591
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:11.240
in a similar path direction as you.

592
00:32:11.240 --> 00:32:16.240
Don't measure, don't marry somebody who isn't, you know?

593
00:32:17.640 --> 00:32:19.480
And there is, there can be growth.

594
00:32:19.880 --> 00:32:20.720
As long as they're moving

595
00:32:20.720 --> 00:32:22.160
and you're not having to move them

596
00:32:22.160 --> 00:32:24.800
and they're willing to come alongside, that's great.

597
00:32:24.800 --> 00:32:27.000
But like, if you're having to pull them along,

598
00:32:27.000 --> 00:32:29.720
just envision that's your whole relationship.

599
00:32:29.720 --> 00:32:31.920
Because if it's starting that way,

600
00:32:31.920 --> 00:32:34.320
it doesn't usually get better, it gets worse.

601
00:32:34.320 --> 00:32:36.880
Because then they're like, they regret being pulled.

602
00:32:36.880 --> 00:32:39.840
So spirit, so like, so when you're looking at these things,

603
00:32:39.840 --> 00:32:42.780
it's like, okay, are we spiritually synced?

604
00:32:42.780 --> 00:32:44.080
What are your non-negotiables?

605
00:32:44.080 --> 00:32:47.400
And they're like, should be three or four, not like,

606
00:32:47.400 --> 00:32:51.320
like if everything was great in this person,

607
00:32:51.320 --> 00:32:56.080
what, but this one thing was there, you were done, right?

608
00:32:56.080 --> 00:32:58.440
You know, like for the gal that was a nurse,

609
00:32:58.440 --> 00:33:01.640
her non-negotiable was Trump, like politics.

610
00:33:01.640 --> 00:33:04.680
It was like, which is an opinion.

611
00:33:04.680 --> 00:33:07.080
Just so you guys know, like really, that should not,

612
00:33:07.080 --> 00:33:10.600
that's not a, that's an opinion, it's not a non-negotiable.

613
00:33:10.600 --> 00:33:15.600
I mean, but like, and we can discuss that if you want,

614
00:33:16.440 --> 00:33:19.480
but like non-negotiable, Jesus, right?

615
00:33:19.480 --> 00:33:21.640
Where's the Luca, he would have something.

616
00:33:21.640 --> 00:33:22.720
Is he on the call?

617
00:33:22.720 --> 00:33:24.000
He'd have something to say about that.

618
00:33:24.000 --> 00:33:24.840
Yeah, I know.

619
00:33:24.840 --> 00:33:27.720
So, but like, but my thing,

620
00:33:32.480 --> 00:33:33.480
if Jesus is in the middle,

621
00:33:33.480 --> 00:33:36.800
there's nothing that can't be crossed, right?

622
00:33:36.800 --> 00:33:41.120
Like now, obviously you would have,

623
00:33:41.120 --> 00:33:43.000
and I'm not saying that you,

624
00:33:43.040 --> 00:33:45.960
if you're completely politically opposed

625
00:33:45.960 --> 00:33:49.120
and you're both passionate about it, that's a good point.

626
00:33:49.120 --> 00:33:50.160
Please don't hear that.

627
00:33:50.160 --> 00:33:51.640
But I do say that is idolatry

628
00:33:51.640 --> 00:33:53.360
because if Jesus is calling you to be together,

629
00:33:53.360 --> 00:33:57.920
then your political leanings or what's dictating it,

630
00:33:57.920 --> 00:33:59.360
that's idolatry.

631
00:33:59.360 --> 00:34:00.720
And I'm not saying that,

632
00:34:00.720 --> 00:34:03.120
and please don't hear any judgment,

633
00:34:03.120 --> 00:34:05.640
but like, I at least would like you to look at it

634
00:34:05.640 --> 00:34:07.120
and go and submit it to Christ and go,

635
00:34:07.120 --> 00:34:08.880
Jesus, what is this about?

636
00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:10.400
Right?

637
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:11.920
I mean, there's a lot of things where I'm like,

638
00:34:11.920 --> 00:34:13.560
I thought it was a non-negotiable.

639
00:34:13.560 --> 00:34:15.880
The Lord's like, oh, is it?

640
00:34:15.880 --> 00:34:18.080
He's like, or is that just what you want?

641
00:34:18.080 --> 00:34:19.480
He's like, what if I asked you to do this?

642
00:34:19.480 --> 00:34:20.880
And I'm like, well,

643
00:34:20.880 --> 00:34:23.560
so I mean, everything went through the Holy Spirit.

644
00:34:23.560 --> 00:34:25.040
I don't know if that's helpful.

645
00:34:25.040 --> 00:34:26.440
Sorry, I kind of got off on a tangent,

646
00:34:26.440 --> 00:34:28.880
but it's just important to know what you want.

647
00:34:28.880 --> 00:34:31.440
I think that it's interesting that you brought that up

648
00:34:31.440 --> 00:34:33.239
because I feel like I'm kind of on the opposite

649
00:34:33.239 --> 00:34:35.760
where I'm getting kind of drug along.

650
00:34:35.760 --> 00:34:39.520
She's a lot more on fire for the Lord in a different way.

651
00:34:39.520 --> 00:34:43.840
Like that kind of is intimidating to me.

652
00:34:43.840 --> 00:34:44.800
I can hang with it.

653
00:34:44.800 --> 00:34:47.560
I'm not like saying, oh, well, that's too far.

654
00:34:47.560 --> 00:34:49.120
But I did find myself wondering,

655
00:34:49.120 --> 00:34:52.960
I'm like, is she gonna be disappointed if I'm not,

656
00:34:54.480 --> 00:34:56.000
I'm serving in this ministry.

657
00:34:56.000 --> 00:34:58.080
Does she want me to go out and kick down doors

658
00:34:58.080 --> 00:34:59.880
and drive out demons?

659
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.080
name of Jesus or am I going to be too slow for her?

660
00:35:03.080 --> 00:35:05.240
So it's good food for thought.

661
00:35:05.240 --> 00:35:08.440
And I think that's a good I think that's a great conversation to have.

662
00:35:09.160 --> 00:35:13.200
Right. Like, well, and and is it something that you want to do?

663
00:35:14.520 --> 00:35:17.400
And remember back to my previous thing, like,

664
00:35:18.040 --> 00:35:21.480
is she OK with you not you being you and not doing that?

665
00:35:22.400 --> 00:35:25.200
And you're OK with her doing her thing.

666
00:35:25.200 --> 00:35:26.880
And that's you see what I'm saying?

667
00:35:26.880 --> 00:35:29.520
Like, it's like you get to be you and I get to be me.

668
00:35:29.520 --> 00:35:31.880
And do we work right?

669
00:35:32.800 --> 00:35:35.880
You know, like and the other thing about being a spiritual leader

670
00:35:36.160 --> 00:35:39.040
is if you have somebody who's on who's better at something,

671
00:35:39.800 --> 00:35:44.880
if your wife or girlfriend is better at things than you as a good manager,

672
00:35:44.880 --> 00:35:49.040
why wouldn't you put them in a position like that's a good leader?

673
00:35:49.040 --> 00:35:51.920
Right. Like I take my best like a guy at the shop.

674
00:35:52.240 --> 00:35:56.280
I use the guys who are the best at what they do in order to lead.

675
00:35:56.280 --> 00:35:57.920
Well, right.

676
00:35:57.920 --> 00:36:01.360
So being a spiritual leader doesn't mean that, you know, more than her.

677
00:36:01.400 --> 00:36:04.840
I mean, like like Renee, Renee. Right.

678
00:36:04.880 --> 00:36:08.240
She she's got her theology, theology degree.

679
00:36:08.240 --> 00:36:11.000
I mean, she's got what I forgot how he masters.

680
00:36:11.160 --> 00:36:13.720
Anyways, but like she's learned a lot.

681
00:36:13.760 --> 00:36:17.000
So like that would be really intimidating to be like, oh, I have to lead her.

682
00:36:17.000 --> 00:36:18.960
And she knows more than I do.

683
00:36:18.960 --> 00:36:21.320
It's more like, hey,

684
00:36:21.320 --> 00:36:23.120
I see your strengths and let's manage that.

685
00:36:23.120 --> 00:36:25.000
Let's let's let's let's.

686
00:36:26.440 --> 00:36:29.600
Breathe on those, let's let's walk through those, let's let's

687
00:36:29.920 --> 00:36:33.400
let me shelter and and and blow wind

688
00:36:33.800 --> 00:36:35.800
and put wind beneath your sails

689
00:36:37.400 --> 00:36:39.840
and like you lead there and I'll lead where I'll lead in my

690
00:36:40.080 --> 00:36:42.600
in my realm and you lead in your own.

691
00:36:42.600 --> 00:36:45.840
Does it because there is that helpful?

692
00:36:45.840 --> 00:36:48.280
Yeah, and I think that

693
00:36:48.280 --> 00:36:51.480
I can say, like I said earlier, you kind of got to walk that out.

694
00:36:51.760 --> 00:36:54.480
She wants to always get super serious, super spiritual.

695
00:36:54.480 --> 00:36:58.600
And we talk about like not establishing that spiritual connection too early.

696
00:36:58.600 --> 00:37:00.840
It's kind of like a physical intimacy kind of thing.

697
00:37:01.160 --> 00:37:04.200
Like, oh, yeah, no, we're both very like on fire for God.

698
00:37:04.200 --> 00:37:08.520
But not everything we do has to be the most serious

699
00:37:09.280 --> 00:37:11.560
God conversation we've ever had in our lives.

700
00:37:11.560 --> 00:37:14.200
Let's dig down deep and bring up.

701
00:37:15.240 --> 00:37:19.880
That's like, no, can we just have dinner and talk about who we are?

702
00:37:19.880 --> 00:37:21.520
What do you like to do on a weekend?

703
00:37:21.520 --> 00:37:24.440
Are we going to, you know, vibe together?

704
00:37:24.440 --> 00:37:26.760
I hate to use the V word, but I just did.

705
00:37:26.760 --> 00:37:31.360
But I mean, it's like I mean, and Christopher, like I'm kind of bad at that

706
00:37:31.360 --> 00:37:34.400
because I'm like, hey, so what are the let's let's probe the end,

707
00:37:34.880 --> 00:37:38.360
like the universe and like the whole the spirit realm and all that.

708
00:37:38.600 --> 00:37:43.040
But but to your point, you guys, spiritual connection.

709
00:37:44.560 --> 00:37:45.880
You got to be really careful with that

710
00:37:45.880 --> 00:37:48.440
because it will lead to physical connection.

711
00:37:48.440 --> 00:37:51.240
Like, you know, you have to have really good boundaries on that.

712
00:37:51.640 --> 00:37:54.280
And like you say, Christopher, I love how you brought that up.

713
00:37:54.680 --> 00:37:59.120
It's like, hey, let's we can we can talk about the mysteries of the universe later.

714
00:37:59.440 --> 00:38:01.560
Let's just let's just hang out and have some fun

715
00:38:01.560 --> 00:38:05.680
because we're trying to develop, figure out who whether we fit or not.

716
00:38:06.240 --> 00:38:08.040
So getting into.

717
00:38:11.160 --> 00:38:13.800
I don't know, ascending into heaven together

718
00:38:14.960 --> 00:38:17.840
would be is it would be a great if you can do it, great.

719
00:38:17.840 --> 00:38:22.680
But like that's a great marriage thing, dating early on, not a good plan.

720
00:38:23.880 --> 00:38:27.800
But knowing that you can do it together, that's helpful.

721
00:38:27.840 --> 00:38:31.440
It's like, hey, hey, we can do we can we can mesh in that way.

722
00:38:31.440 --> 00:38:32.160
But not right now.

723
00:38:32.160 --> 00:38:35.400
And not until we get more commitment and get farther along.

724
00:38:36.400 --> 00:38:39.640
You know, so but but like we can't get farther along

725
00:38:39.640 --> 00:38:42.440
if we're not talking about what we're doing and what we like and who we are.

726
00:38:42.440 --> 00:38:45.560
And, you know, so.

727
00:38:46.480 --> 00:38:51.800
If you guys I want to challenge you in a way, like I think this is this is good.

728
00:38:51.800 --> 00:38:53.520
I mean, you should have already done this already,

729
00:38:53.520 --> 00:38:56.080
but like go through your non-negotiables again.

730
00:38:57.600 --> 00:38:59.920
Right, like what am I looking for spiritually?

731
00:39:00.880 --> 00:39:02.200
I mean, you guys like.

732
00:39:05.640 --> 00:39:08.720
You know, physical always seems to trump everything else,

733
00:39:08.720 --> 00:39:12.280
but like I have a couple of gals who snuck up on me, right,

734
00:39:12.520 --> 00:39:15.920
like like and which surprised me.

735
00:39:16.040 --> 00:39:18.240
And and then I was like, oh, you know what, they're attractive.

736
00:39:18.680 --> 00:39:22.440
But like they were more spiritually attractive and emotional.

737
00:39:22.560 --> 00:39:23.320
They're emotional.

738
00:39:24.240 --> 00:39:27.800
And so like it's it's it's intellectually.

739
00:39:27.800 --> 00:39:31.280
So like make sure that you have the whole gamut, not just the one

740
00:39:32.800 --> 00:39:37.440
that draws you initially, because that's kind of a hollow connection.

741
00:39:37.440 --> 00:39:38.520
Does that make sense?

742
00:39:38.520 --> 00:39:41.960
Where like, you know, you're looking at building a relationship

743
00:39:41.960 --> 00:39:45.120
and you need all the four pillars, the emotional, the spiritual,

744
00:39:46.000 --> 00:39:47.120
the physical and.

745
00:39:49.320 --> 00:39:51.520
Physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual.

746
00:39:51.560 --> 00:39:53.360
Sorry, I always forget intellectual.

747
00:39:53.360 --> 00:39:56.440
Like all those are important and all those will bring you

748
00:39:56.840 --> 00:39:58.320
or things that bring you together.

749
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.920
And so, like, I don't know, I don't know how many women are like, I need somebody who's

750
00:40:04.920 --> 00:40:05.920
six foot.

751
00:40:05.920 --> 00:40:09.960
And I'm like, that's 15% of the population is above six foot.

752
00:40:09.960 --> 00:40:10.960
Like that's not the marriage.

753
00:40:10.960 --> 00:40:15.560
I mean, that's not the single population, but you know, like, you know, if you're looking

754
00:40:15.560 --> 00:40:19.960
for somebody, you know, a bit of a double standard there too.

755
00:40:19.960 --> 00:40:21.360
Yeah, no, it is.

756
00:40:21.360 --> 00:40:24.360
I mean, dudes are like, Hey, I want somebody who's a 20.

757
00:40:24.360 --> 00:40:28.520
And I'm like, if you want a million dollar gal, you need to be a million dollar guy.

758
00:40:29.080 --> 00:40:33.280
If you're if you're a $5 dude looking for a million dollar girl, it's like it just doesn't

759
00:40:33.280 --> 00:40:34.280
work.

760
00:40:34.280 --> 00:40:35.280
Right?

761
00:40:35.280 --> 00:40:36.640
Like, so what are you doing to become the million dollar guy?

762
00:40:36.640 --> 00:40:39.200
Because most of you guys are here, which is huge, right?

763
00:40:39.200 --> 00:40:40.200
All right.

764
00:40:40.200 --> 00:40:41.200
Do you have a plan?

765
00:40:41.200 --> 00:40:42.200
What's your plan?

766
00:40:42.200 --> 00:40:48.360
And what you know, and Chris is working his I wish anybody else I know everybody's off

767
00:40:48.360 --> 00:40:57.000
camera except I know I'm kind of monopolizing the time I love to have a combo with Mr. Henshaw.

768
00:40:57.000 --> 00:40:58.000
Are you there?

769
00:40:58.480 --> 00:40:59.480
Yeah, I'm here.

770
00:40:59.480 --> 00:41:00.480
How you doing, bud?

771
00:41:00.480 --> 00:41:02.600
I'm doing good.

772
00:41:02.600 --> 00:41:03.600
Thanks for leaving tonight.

773
00:41:03.600 --> 00:41:04.600
I appreciate it.

774
00:41:04.600 --> 00:41:11.800
So I guess what I'm coming up on is like lots of opportunities are coming in now because

775
00:41:11.800 --> 00:41:12.800
the season has shifted.

776
00:41:12.800 --> 00:41:15.800
I'm getting to the point where I'm just ready.

777
00:41:15.800 --> 00:41:20.000
And it's just going to come to the time where people are going to be in my life and obviously

778
00:41:20.000 --> 00:41:21.800
going to choose the one that's the best.

779
00:41:21.800 --> 00:41:30.280
But what's impressing on me is I really need to sit down, figure out what what it is I'm

780
00:41:30.280 --> 00:41:32.600
really looking for.

781
00:41:32.600 --> 00:41:37.840
You know, what's most important to me, because right now it's it's kind of a little cloudy

782
00:41:37.840 --> 00:41:39.080
at least.

783
00:41:39.080 --> 00:41:43.400
And that would not be helpful if I'm going out on dates and I'm not really sure what

784
00:41:43.400 --> 00:41:48.160
what I'm looking for, you know, so yes and no, but how do you find out what you're looking

785
00:41:48.160 --> 00:41:50.320
for unless you're out working it right?

786
00:41:50.320 --> 00:41:54.080
You know, I mean, like so I mean, like when I say non-negotiable, it's like what what

787
00:41:54.080 --> 00:41:56.280
are my absolutes, right?

788
00:41:56.280 --> 00:42:00.080
Like and so and so that and that's like, oh, well, she fits those.

789
00:42:00.080 --> 00:42:03.560
Well, then now we can have a conversation about the other things and I can find those

790
00:42:03.560 --> 00:42:04.560
out.

791
00:42:04.560 --> 00:42:11.120
Yeah, I think for me, the physical is kind of more easy because I'm more open minded

792
00:42:11.120 --> 00:42:13.280
on different types of appearances.

793
00:42:13.280 --> 00:42:14.280
You know what I'm saying?

794
00:42:14.280 --> 00:42:15.280
Yeah.

795
00:42:15.280 --> 00:42:17.720
But but within reason, obviously.

796
00:42:17.720 --> 00:42:21.960
But I guess the heart of the harder thing would be the intellectual, because I'm very

797
00:42:21.960 --> 00:42:22.960
mean.

798
00:42:22.960 --> 00:42:26.840
I was raised by a very academic father.

799
00:42:26.840 --> 00:42:32.960
I mean, he purposely orchestrated it when he was younger to spend many hours studying

800
00:42:32.960 --> 00:42:35.640
so he could avoid farm work because he hated farm work so much.

801
00:42:35.640 --> 00:42:43.720
So but yeah, but OK, I mean, OK, so can I can I can we look at that for just a sec?

802
00:42:43.720 --> 00:42:44.720
Right.

803
00:42:44.720 --> 00:42:47.520
So.

804
00:42:47.520 --> 00:42:50.920
That is how you were raised, but is what is that what you like?

805
00:42:50.920 --> 00:42:51.960
Does that make sense?

806
00:42:51.960 --> 00:42:55.880
Like you can be raised that way, but is it like something you enjoy?

807
00:42:55.880 --> 00:43:03.000
Like for me, carrying a conversation, it just gets exhausting, right?

808
00:43:03.000 --> 00:43:08.920
You know, and like and so I just heard you say that.

809
00:43:08.920 --> 00:43:12.160
And there's a lot of things that we that we grew up with.

810
00:43:12.160 --> 00:43:17.960
But like, I think figuring out what you like, I think, do I need this?

811
00:43:17.960 --> 00:43:20.000
Like for me, I learned I needed it.

812
00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:21.720
Like I need that in a relationship.

813
00:43:21.720 --> 00:43:22.720
Right.

814
00:43:22.720 --> 00:43:28.560
But not everybody can't is going to be a need in a relationship.

815
00:43:28.560 --> 00:43:32.340
And so I think it's really good to get clear on what you want and what you need.

816
00:43:32.340 --> 00:43:39.360
So that way, when you find somebody, because there's a lot of you guys, I have my list

817
00:43:39.840 --> 00:43:43.200
and there's a lot of people who I would initially be like, no way.

818
00:43:43.200 --> 00:43:45.920
But then I'm like, well, they meet like these five criteria.

819
00:43:45.920 --> 00:43:52.920
I'm like, dang, now that they meet the five criteria, so I need to like at least give

820
00:43:52.920 --> 00:43:53.920
this a run.

821
00:43:53.920 --> 00:43:55.400
And I've been blessed by it.

822
00:43:55.400 --> 00:43:58.480
Like the ones that I said snuck up on me.

823
00:43:58.480 --> 00:44:03.880
They weren't overtly there wasn't an overt physical attraction.

824
00:44:03.880 --> 00:44:05.800
But as I got to know them, I'm like, oh, you know what?

825
00:44:05.800 --> 00:44:08.080
They are beautiful and they are attractive.

826
00:44:08.080 --> 00:44:12.600
But I like who they are far more than their looks, which is key.

827
00:44:12.600 --> 00:44:14.160
So does that make sense, Dave?

828
00:44:14.160 --> 00:44:15.160
Like, yeah.

829
00:44:15.160 --> 00:44:16.160
Yeah.

830
00:44:16.160 --> 00:44:20.120
So I'm not quite sure what you're saying as far as the intellectual thing goes.

831
00:44:20.120 --> 00:44:25.080
So the intellectual is not that like, I'm kind of lost in what you meant.

832
00:44:25.080 --> 00:44:28.360
So like, I realize I like having high income.

833
00:44:28.360 --> 00:44:33.800
Well, I mean, like Christopher, like, you know, probably like on the other.

834
00:44:33.800 --> 00:44:39.840
You know, like I talk about King stuff a lot and having like conversations about that

835
00:44:39.840 --> 00:44:47.080
or how things work or my mind is very analytic and I like solving problems and I like having

836
00:44:47.080 --> 00:44:53.200
conversations that are that are very deep and have and have a lot of breadth.

837
00:44:53.200 --> 00:44:58.000
I love I love how like David, like I would love to hang out with you and just learn what,

838
00:44:58.000 --> 00:45:00.000
you know, and like because you're smart.

839
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.160
and you do a lot of things and it just interests me and it's something that I've always I've

840
00:45:04.160 --> 00:45:10.320
always wanted to get to know what makes people tick and like and so and have those conversations

841
00:45:10.320 --> 00:45:17.840
about you know I can have conversation about cars computers you know spiritual things and

842
00:45:17.840 --> 00:45:22.680
just have something where we just end up talking for hours and just have a great time so most

843
00:45:22.680 --> 00:45:34.720
of my good friends we do a lot of talking like that so and so and I and I apologize

844
00:45:34.720 --> 00:45:39.160
that I didn't have this better fleshed out to like show it you know so now I hear what

845
00:45:39.160 --> 00:45:48.640
you're saying gosh how would I describe it yeah it's the unique balance between being

846
00:45:48.640 --> 00:45:56.280
flexible and reasonable but also just not caving in and and denying who you are I guess

847
00:45:56.280 --> 00:46:01.240
well yeah it's like okay if you're like hey so how you doing good well you know and you

848
00:46:01.240 --> 00:46:07.160
ask like I like asking questions that are discussional right like let's start discussions

849
00:46:07.160 --> 00:46:12.720
right and they're like well I don't know about that I'm like well would you like to like

850
00:46:12.720 --> 00:46:17.080
or what do you know about let's talk about that right like you know like where where

851
00:46:17.080 --> 00:46:24.320
you can just like have have have a conversation and broach subjects that you both get to learn

852
00:46:24.320 --> 00:46:32.360
you get to learn about their world and like if somebody that hasn't really my ex you know

853
00:46:32.360 --> 00:46:38.560
and and in full disclosure my ex had been sheltered quite a bit in her life right so

854
00:46:38.560 --> 00:46:41.880
she didn't have a lot of life experiences and that was something that really affected

855
00:46:41.880 --> 00:46:50.240
our relationship and so I just you know I met a Ukrainian gal and she did like want

856
00:46:50.240 --> 00:46:54.040
to talk about being like she's one of the smartest people I've ever I was like really

857
00:46:54.040 --> 00:46:59.160
intimidated by her when we first met you know but she could she loved talking about stuff

858
00:46:59.160 --> 00:47:04.240
she's like you know I went to New York we did this and you know I do like and like and

859
00:47:04.240 --> 00:47:08.080
we just had great conversations and she'd ask me questions and then we could like I

860
00:47:08.080 --> 00:47:14.360
don't know how about this and so we could go for you know quite a while on any subject

861
00:47:14.360 --> 00:47:20.280
does that you know and just pivot and and maybe it's maybe it's just the ability to

862
00:47:20.280 --> 00:47:28.360
connect over intellect but it's still a type of connection right so I don't know I hope

863
00:47:28.360 --> 00:47:35.800
that's helpful Dave but I'm glad that you're getting back in it though yeah yeah yeah that's

864
00:47:35.960 --> 00:47:41.640
helpful that explanation so yeah I understand now what more you were saying and I also feel

865
00:47:41.640 --> 00:47:46.600
like maybe I should go review the hard work again because it's been so long like I guess

866
00:47:46.600 --> 00:47:50.200
there's a certain part of it I don't know if it's week three or whatever that like kind of

867
00:47:50.200 --> 00:47:57.040
focuses in on more of being real about what your preferences versus non-negotiables are

868
00:47:57.040 --> 00:48:04.040
yeah that's super important like because most of our preferences are not non-negotiables but

869
00:48:04.040 --> 00:48:10.880
we think they are right like and and I have to say I've pruned back things and it's opened up

870
00:48:10.880 --> 00:48:16.920
stuff does that make sense like you know I was so limited with because of my like fixation on

871
00:48:16.920 --> 00:48:23.680
the list now I don't think I've dated somebody that would have been on my list in the last

872
00:48:23.680 --> 00:48:29.520
couple years right so it's like you know I'm off the list and it's been amazing and I realized

873
00:48:29.520 --> 00:48:36.000
maybe that list wasn't all that it was made out to be yeah and I'm coming up on some real

874
00:48:36.000 --> 00:48:42.080
questions here too now with like there's potential that I may be starting to date someone in a

875
00:48:42.080 --> 00:48:47.360
different country and all the things that that comes with you know that's that brings a whole

876
00:48:47.360 --> 00:48:55.520
myriad of things to look at right you know how to do a long distance how to do no and I think it's

877
00:48:55.520 --> 00:49:00.320
a really good plan to look at the I mean you guys it's good to go back to the heart work even if

878
00:49:00.320 --> 00:49:06.320
you like just just to get refreshed on it right and redo it because you know so you may every time

879
00:49:06.320 --> 00:49:11.200
I go back through it I see something different right that's like peeling an onion you're like

880
00:49:11.200 --> 00:49:20.880
oh I didn't realize that I was a little little that that's been popping up sometimes well like

881
00:49:20.880 --> 00:49:26.000
Jackie says what you know what happens in relationship needs to be healed in relationship

882
00:49:26.000 --> 00:49:31.160
so sometimes you're you know you guys when you go on a date if you're feeling triggered or you're

883
00:49:31.160 --> 00:49:36.880
feeling something look at it why what was I feeling what was going on and then do the heart work and

884
00:49:36.880 --> 00:49:42.720
like oh yeah when was the first time I felt that oh shoot that was when this happened oh no now

885
00:49:42.720 --> 00:49:48.880
that's showing up with my dating relationships oh let's go look at when this first happened now so

886
00:49:48.880 --> 00:49:56.400
like you guys the first date back from you know after my divorce I was disassociating right like

887
00:49:56.400 --> 00:50:00.080
like and I knew it like why I mean well actually I didn't

888
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.520
know it, but I figured it out because there were points of the date that disappeared.

889
00:50:05.520 --> 00:50:11.600
I was missing, and I'm like, what's that about? And so I went back and I'm like,

890
00:50:11.600 --> 00:50:19.280
oh, I was feeling this. And so I was like, oh, I need to work on that, get some heart work,

891
00:50:19.280 --> 00:50:27.520
get that healed. And I haven't disassociated since, right? But it was just, she was touching

892
00:50:27.520 --> 00:50:32.880
something that had been touched by somebody else that caused trauma, which I needed to go heal,

893
00:50:32.880 --> 00:50:39.680
so that way I didn't disassociate. I mean, and so, you know, like the heart work helped me

894
00:50:39.680 --> 00:50:43.840
to be fully present. Because when you go on a date, you want to be fully you and fully present.

895
00:50:43.840 --> 00:50:50.560
Hey Hunter, happy Monday. Hey, a lot, something happened and I'm just growing and challenging

896
00:50:50.560 --> 00:50:57.360
with something that I'm going through. All right, one sec. So you guys, just like the heart work's

897
00:50:57.360 --> 00:51:01.600
really important. And Dave, I really appreciate that you're wanting to get the, you know, before

898
00:51:01.600 --> 00:51:07.040
you get back on the horse or like as you're getting on the horse, do it as you go. I mean,

899
00:51:07.680 --> 00:51:11.680
date, you know, Christopher, I'm sure, I know you're probably at work right now, but like

900
00:51:11.680 --> 00:51:15.840
all this stuff, as you go out and you're dating and you're doing this stuff and you're interacting,

901
00:51:16.480 --> 00:51:20.000
things are going to pop up. That's what the heart works so beautiful. It's like, oh,

902
00:51:20.000 --> 00:51:25.440
this popped up. Let's grab it. Let's shoot it and kill it, put it down and heal it, get it done.

903
00:51:25.440 --> 00:51:30.800
So that way it doesn't ruin the next time or whatever. So sometimes like my,

904
00:51:30.800 --> 00:51:35.200
I'll tell you all this stuff that we've talked about is in Jackie's new book as well. So

905
00:51:37.200 --> 00:51:43.360
I just got it and it's been pretty good. Oh yeah. Oh gosh. I totally don't want to butcher

906
00:51:43.360 --> 00:51:50.160
the name. What was the name of that, David? I it's all modern dating sucks. Modern dating sucks.

907
00:51:50.160 --> 00:51:56.240
Yeah. And so like, and that was, and Jackie made it to be a self, like you can walk through it

908
00:51:56.240 --> 00:52:01.600
yourself. So I would highly recommend that to you guys because Jackie puts together some really good

909
00:52:01.600 --> 00:52:05.840
stuff. I mean, this group, like the whole, the whole premise of this, the whole point is to get

910
00:52:05.840 --> 00:52:11.360
people healed and integrate marriages. Right. So and the heart work is something you use for the

911
00:52:11.360 --> 00:52:18.880
rest of your life. All right, honey, we got a couple minutes short. Can we make this quick

912
00:52:18.880 --> 00:52:25.600
and short? Like what's going on? Well, basically it's fun. It's these two girls, one that I'm

913
00:52:25.600 --> 00:52:31.440
sitting with in church. And basically I asked them about, about, since it was nice talking

914
00:52:31.440 --> 00:52:36.160
and they were nice enough to sit with, I was thinking about at first it was, we got to know

915
00:52:36.480 --> 00:52:42.000
they're local around here. And I, they, one was nice enough to look like a real undeniably good

916
00:52:42.000 --> 00:52:47.520
godly woman that, but basically she meets the criteria of a good godly woman. The other one

917
00:52:47.520 --> 00:52:52.320
did too. And then she said, offer me to sit next to her. I was like, okay. And, and then I said,

918
00:52:52.320 --> 00:52:56.960
you know what, why don't we say, last week I said, you know what, have you ever thought we hang out

919
00:52:56.960 --> 00:53:02.480
after, hang out after church as a way to get a level two relationship going? And she goes,

920
00:53:02.480 --> 00:53:07.440
gee, gee, I don't know. We're busy after Sunday school because we're preparing for the week

921
00:53:07.440 --> 00:53:13.280
because of work. And she says, we'll let you know. And I was like, okay. And then finally I said,

922
00:53:13.280 --> 00:53:16.720
you know what, when we come to this week, they say, they said, you know what, Hunter,

923
00:53:16.720 --> 00:53:20.480
they saw me come in and they're like, you know what, we may not be able to do it. So I got their

924
00:53:20.480 --> 00:53:26.640
numbers and I managed to get them. And, and so we each got each other's numbers. And I told them,

925
00:53:26.640 --> 00:53:31.680
I want to do this just for intimacy and connection. Basically I thought, because I want to pursue

926
00:53:31.680 --> 00:53:36.480
intimacy and connection, and I want to do it for the right reason. And then though it doesn't

927
00:53:36.480 --> 00:53:41.600
guarantee, and they really liked that idea, but it has to do, I don't like to have this thing where,

928
00:53:41.600 --> 00:53:45.840
you know, when you, someone loves moms, they say, we'll be there and it doesn't happen.

929
00:53:45.840 --> 00:53:50.320
Well, they said, well, it's not like they're doing that, which is good. I like that they're

930
00:53:50.320 --> 00:53:55.200
attention, but it's not like they're trying to do that thing that frustrates me. They just want to

931
00:53:55.200 --> 00:53:59.680
squeeze some time in after church. Like you want to start somewhere small, like solid ground. And

932
00:53:59.680 --> 00:54:03.840
I was thinking, yes, and we're going to try and connect and build a relationship. They liked the

933
00:54:03.840 --> 00:54:08.640
fact that I, they liked my idea and me wanting to do it for the right reason, but they have to

934
00:54:08.640 --> 00:54:14.080
squeeze it in too. And I got their numbers and I don't want to text them, maybe annoying, but

935
00:54:14.080 --> 00:54:17.760
I want to connect more. The more I connect more, the more I think I can text and not waste their

936
00:54:17.760 --> 00:54:26.160
time. So, so Hunter, so, so what I'm understanding is that these are somebody that you go to church

937
00:54:26.160 --> 00:54:32.160
with. Yes. And I even went to Greece and Malta, went overseas with them. Well, I mean, like, so,

938
00:54:33.120 --> 00:54:40.560
um, why don't you just like, like you have an opportunity, like, it's not like you're on apps

939
00:54:40.560 --> 00:54:46.960
where you have to like, like you get to hang out with them every week. Right. You know? Yeah. And

940
00:54:46.960 --> 00:54:53.680
so just take it slow. Yes. Yeah. I don't want to just be going through this and wasting time and

941
00:54:53.680 --> 00:54:58.960
say, I'm seeing somebody you may, I want to take it slow and take your time for him to draw it

942
00:54:58.960 --> 00:54:59.840
closer to me. Right.

943
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:07.180
Yeah, and so and to get comfortable with you and to feel safe and like and about like you

944
00:55:07.180 --> 00:55:11.360
get a chance to build a connection every single week.

945
00:55:11.360 --> 00:55:18.120
And so I just I just want like I mean, they're hanging out with you that you're with you're

946
00:55:18.120 --> 00:55:21.080
sitting next to them in church.

947
00:55:21.080 --> 00:55:26.600
You know, I mean, the next step would be to me, but like, just take that opportunity and

948
00:55:26.600 --> 00:55:28.080
to get to know them, too.

949
00:55:28.080 --> 00:55:29.080
All right.

950
00:55:29.080 --> 00:55:30.080
That's great.

951
00:55:30.080 --> 00:55:31.080
So cool.

952
00:55:31.080 --> 00:55:32.080
Good job, dude.

953
00:55:32.080 --> 00:55:33.080
You're taking things.

954
00:55:33.080 --> 00:55:38.600
And also, I went eight days in a row without any self self gratification.

955
00:55:38.600 --> 00:55:41.580
I went weeks at any pornography whatsoever.

956
00:55:41.580 --> 00:55:42.580
That's amazing.

957
00:55:42.580 --> 00:55:43.580
Keep it up.

958
00:55:43.580 --> 00:55:49.140
Well, I'm only doing it because I'm one pursuit connection and intimacy and vulnerability.

959
00:55:49.140 --> 00:55:53.760
When I pursue that the pornography and the self gratification loses its appeal.

960
00:55:53.760 --> 00:55:54.760
Yeah.

961
00:55:54.760 --> 00:55:57.680
I mean, you need to handle that before the other though.

962
00:55:57.680 --> 00:55:58.680
Right.

963
00:55:58.680 --> 00:56:01.960
I mean, you know, people you think that marriage is going to fix that.

964
00:56:01.960 --> 00:56:02.960
It doesn't.

965
00:56:02.960 --> 00:56:03.960
No.

966
00:56:03.960 --> 00:56:08.640
It's like you need to get that get that.

967
00:56:08.640 --> 00:56:17.320
Car in the shed or the garage and get a hold of that, because, you know, that was one of

968
00:56:17.320 --> 00:56:22.960
the things I always thought that marriage would fix all that like a yellow flag incentive.

969
00:56:22.960 --> 00:56:29.760
And so, like, you know, so you have an opportunity now to work on that outside of relationship,

970
00:56:29.760 --> 00:56:33.280
which is huge because you need that inside relationship, too.

971
00:56:33.280 --> 00:56:34.280
Yeah.

972
00:56:34.280 --> 00:56:35.280
So.

973
00:56:35.280 --> 00:56:36.280
So.

974
00:56:36.280 --> 00:56:37.920
So, of course, what they're telling me is they like.

975
00:56:37.920 --> 00:56:42.400
So for for these two days, they like the idea of hanging out after church, like in a solid

976
00:56:42.400 --> 00:56:45.440
ground and they like I want to do it for the right reason.

977
00:56:45.440 --> 00:56:47.200
But it isn't all going to guarantee it.

978
00:56:47.200 --> 00:56:48.200
All I can do is.

979
00:56:48.200 --> 00:56:49.200
Yeah.

980
00:56:49.200 --> 00:56:54.080
It's just takes a slow process, right?

981
00:56:54.080 --> 00:56:55.440
Just just see where it goes.

982
00:56:55.440 --> 00:56:56.440
Right.

983
00:56:56.440 --> 00:56:57.440
You've been intentional.

984
00:56:57.440 --> 00:57:04.840
Like, if they feel comfortable doing it, you know, if not, then that's OK, too.

985
00:57:04.840 --> 00:57:05.840
Right.

986
00:57:05.840 --> 00:57:09.480
You know, but like but you're taking the thing that I like is that you're actually taking

987
00:57:09.480 --> 00:57:11.240
initiative and you're trying.

988
00:57:11.240 --> 00:57:12.240
Right.

989
00:57:12.240 --> 00:57:16.240
Like you can't like I've said this probably twice on this call already.

990
00:57:16.280 --> 00:57:19.280
You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don't take.

991
00:57:19.280 --> 00:57:20.280
Right.

992
00:57:20.280 --> 00:57:24.000
And so.

993
00:57:24.000 --> 00:57:32.400
But I would change intimacy is an interesting word, Hunter, and not everybody.

994
00:57:32.400 --> 00:57:36.720
Most people would connect that with like sexual intimacy, like intimacy.

995
00:57:36.720 --> 00:57:39.520
You know, I'd like to hang out.

996
00:57:39.520 --> 00:57:40.880
I would like to connect.

997
00:57:40.880 --> 00:57:41.880
Right.

998
00:57:41.880 --> 00:57:45.280
Like even connect can like depending on the connotation.

999
00:57:45.320 --> 00:57:47.520
So I just be careful using the word intimacy around.

1000
00:57:47.520 --> 00:57:48.520
Yes.

1001
00:57:48.520 --> 00:57:49.520
I mean, connection.

1002
00:57:49.520 --> 00:57:51.520
So you think they would take that the wrong way?

1003
00:57:51.520 --> 00:57:53.560
Like, no, the intimacy is good.

1004
00:57:53.560 --> 00:57:55.520
They like the fact that I came up with it.

1005
00:57:55.520 --> 00:57:57.120
All matters to them is they think they'd like to.

1006
00:57:57.120 --> 00:57:58.880
I want to do it for the right reason.

1007
00:57:58.880 --> 00:58:02.400
Well, and so you just say, hey, I want to get to know you.

1008
00:58:02.400 --> 00:58:04.720
Can we hang out?

1009
00:58:04.720 --> 00:58:10.700
And and so and the other thing, just real quick, Hunter there, they probably don't have any

1010
00:58:10.700 --> 00:58:12.000
a.

1011
00:58:12.000 --> 00:58:13.000
Are they in the program?

1012
00:58:13.000 --> 00:58:14.000
Yes.

1013
00:58:14.000 --> 00:58:15.000
No.

1014
00:58:15.720 --> 00:58:16.720
So.

1015
00:58:16.720 --> 00:58:17.720
So.

1016
00:58:17.720 --> 00:58:18.720
So.

1017
00:58:18.720 --> 00:58:19.720
So.

1018
00:58:19.720 --> 00:58:20.720
So.

1019
00:58:20.720 --> 00:58:21.720
So.

1020
00:58:21.720 --> 00:58:22.720
So.

1021
00:58:22.720 --> 00:58:23.720
So.

1022
00:58:23.720 --> 00:58:24.720
So.

1023
00:58:24.720 --> 00:58:25.720
So.

1024
00:58:25.720 --> 00:58:26.720
So.

1025
00:58:26.720 --> 00:58:27.720
So.

1026
00:58:27.720 --> 00:58:28.720
So.

1027
00:58:28.720 --> 00:58:29.720
So.

1028
00:58:29.720 --> 00:58:30.720
So.

1029
00:58:30.720 --> 00:58:31.720
So.

1030
00:58:31.720 --> 00:58:32.720
So.

1031
00:58:32.720 --> 00:58:33.720
So.

1032
00:58:33.720 --> 00:58:34.720
So so so so so.

1033
00:58:34.720 --> 00:58:35.720
So.

1034
00:58:35.720 --> 00:58:36.720
So.

1035
00:58:36.720 --> 00:58:37.720
So.

1036
00:58:37.720 --> 00:58:38.720
So.

1037
00:58:38.720 --> 00:58:39.720
So.

1038
00:58:39.720 --> 00:58:40.720
So levels.

1039
00:58:40.720 --> 00:58:41.720
So they will have no context for level two relationship.

1040
00:58:41.720 --> 00:58:42.720
All right.

1041
00:58:42.720 --> 00:58:43.720
Do you understand that?

1042
00:58:43.720 --> 00:58:44.720
So if you were, if I if I weren't part of this program, I would have no idea what a level

1043
00:58:45.160 --> 00:58:46.160
two relationship is.

1044
00:58:46.160 --> 00:58:47.160
I'm like, Oh, okay, good.

1045
00:58:47.160 --> 00:58:48.160
Good.

1046
00:58:48.160 --> 00:58:49.160
Good job.

1047
00:58:49.160 --> 00:58:50.160
Yeah.

1048
00:58:50.160 --> 00:58:51.160
I mean, you're just a little tweaks and you're good.

1049
00:58:51.160 --> 00:58:52.160
You're good.

1050
00:58:52.160 --> 00:58:53.160
Just take it.

1051
00:58:53.160 --> 00:58:54.160
Just don't focus so much on.

1052
00:58:54.160 --> 00:58:57.500
Just let it take time and let it flow.

1053
00:58:57.500 --> 00:58:58.500
Just be you.

1054
00:58:58.500 --> 00:58:59.500
Yes.

1055
00:58:59.500 --> 00:59:00.500
Right.

1056
00:59:00.500 --> 00:59:07.540
Like before you, but like also be be aware of what they're doing.

1057
00:59:07.540 --> 00:59:08.540
How are they?

1058
00:59:08.540 --> 00:59:09.780
How are they responding like, you know.

1059
00:59:09.780 --> 00:59:10.780
So.

1060
00:59:10.780 --> 00:59:11.780
All right, you guys.

1061
00:59:11.780 --> 00:59:12.780
It's a great.

1062
00:59:12.780 --> 00:59:13.780
Anything.

1063
00:59:13.780 --> 00:59:14.780
Before we go.

1064
00:59:14.780 --> 00:59:15.780
Any.

1065
00:59:15.780 --> 00:59:16.780
I know.

1066
00:59:16.780 --> 00:59:17.780
Oh, Christopher.

1067
00:59:17.780 --> 00:59:18.780
The other Christopher's on now.

1068
00:59:18.780 --> 00:59:19.780
Joshua, it was nice to meet you.

1069
00:59:19.780 --> 00:59:20.780
Amen.

1070
00:59:20.780 --> 00:59:21.780
God bless you.

1071
00:59:21.780 --> 00:59:22.780
I'm going to pray.

1072
00:59:22.780 --> 00:59:23.780
I start with Lord Jesus.

1073
00:59:23.780 --> 00:59:24.780
I just thank you for all the men who are on this call, who are not on this call, who

1074
00:59:24.780 --> 00:59:25.780
are in this group, in this community.

1075
00:59:25.780 --> 00:59:26.780
Lord, I just pray that you help, you know, help them be men of honor and work through

1076
00:59:26.780 --> 00:59:27.780
whatever challenges may be before them.

1077
00:59:27.780 --> 00:59:28.780
I just pray you make the path straight and that you would, that you would intersect

1078
00:59:28.780 --> 00:59:29.780
them with their, their, their spirit.

1079
00:59:29.780 --> 00:59:30.780
Thank you.

1080
00:59:30.780 --> 00:59:31.780
Thank you.

1081
00:59:31.780 --> 00:59:32.780
Thank you.

1082
00:59:32.780 --> 00:59:33.780
Thank you.

1083
00:59:33.780 --> 00:59:34.780
Thank you.

1084
00:59:34.780 --> 00:59:35.780
Thank you.

1085
00:59:35.780 --> 00:59:36.780
Thank you.

1086
00:59:36.780 --> 00:59:37.780
Thank you.

1087
00:59:37.780 --> 00:59:38.780
Thank you.

1088
00:59:38.780 --> 00:59:39.780
Thank you.

1089
00:59:39.780 --> 00:59:40.780
Thank you.

1090
00:59:40.780 --> 00:59:41.780
Thank you.

1091
00:59:44.780 --> 00:59:45.780
Thank you.

1092
00:59:45.780 --> 00:59:46.780
Thank you.

1093
00:59:46.780 --> 00:59:49.780
Thank you.

1094
00:59:49.780 --> 00:59:50.780
Thank you.

1095
00:59:50.780 --> 00:59:51.780
Amen.

1096
00:59:51.780 --> 00:59:52.780
Amen.

1097
00:59:52.780 --> 00:59:53.780
Amen.

1098
00:59:53.780 --> 00:59:54.780
Amen.

1099
00:59:54.780 --> 00:59:55.780
Thank you.

1100
00:59:55.780 --> 00:59:59.780
Thank you.

1101
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:07.200
that they would be in a level 3, 4, 5 relationship soon, in Jesus' name. Amen.

1102
01:00:07.200 --> 01:00:13.400
All right, great job you guys. Super proud of you. Just keep it up. Keep

1103
01:00:13.400 --> 01:00:19.960
taking those swings. I would love to hear some wins next week. Lord,

1104
01:00:19.960 --> 01:00:22.880
would you provide some of those? God bless you all. Have a good night.

1105
01:00:22.880 --> 01:00:26.120
You too, man. Ciao.