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for some more people to jump on. I see Lisa, Kelly, Lovetta. Thank you so much for joining us.

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I know it's middle of the day, so if you're at work, I get the camera not being on, but if you

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are able to come out of hiding, okay, turn the cameras on so I don't feel so alone.

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I'd really love to see your faces, and we will go ahead and get started. It is May 19th already,

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and this is your Love Story Accelerator, phase two. What do we call it? Check-in, whatever.

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Whatever that's called. Our heart check-in. Kelly, so good to see you. So good to see you,

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Karen, as well. So yeah, today is the only live session that we're going to have for phase

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two. So tonight, y'all are being invited to a special sneak peek session with Jackie for phase

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three. She's doing a little makeover session tonight, so she wanted to make sure that you

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all were invited to that. So we are going to switch gears and just do this live session today.

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So this will be the replay that everybody watches if they are not able to be in attendance right now.

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So I've got several things in housekeeping. I definitely kind of switched gears. I was

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originally going to teach on something totally different, and then after a one-on-one session

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I had today, and then in alignment with what Jackie's doing tonight, I thought,

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we're going to switch gears. And so I just kind of last minute took some notes and decided to

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shift and do some teaching on the divine feminine. I think it's going to be really fun. I think it's

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going to be really helpful, especially for our ladies that are brand new to phase two. Remember,

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our divine feminine is one of our videos that is in our content. So if you're brand new to phase

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two, which I don't think I see anybody that's brand new to phase two. If you are and I'm just

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missing that, please don't hesitate to say, hey, Carla, I'm new. And then if anybody's watching

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and replaying, you're brand new, we do have the course content in the app. And so there's five

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videos that you'll watch there. And divine feminine is one of those videos. And it's actually

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one of my favorite, favorite videos. You know, it's great for dating as we get introduced or

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even think of the idea of starting to date. But I find that it's really even helpful for me

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just to kind of be reminded of how to just step into my authentic identity in Christ. And so I

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think y'all really enjoy it. If you haven't watched it, if you have, and you want to always

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do a rewatch, it's always helpful. And even if you've heard this teaching before,

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it's always good to have a refresh. So we are going to do some teaching on that today.

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And then I will take your questions. So yes, definitely come on camera if you can. Okay,

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I see she kind of she came. Nancy's here. Peggy's here. Laura is also here. So good to see you. I

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see Sydney's jumped on. Perfect. Okay, housekeeping, lots of housekeeping things. Y'all should have

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seen the post already in our app. I think Bethany made a post I think it was yesterday. Jackie's

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modern day dating sex book is now out. And so definitely check that, that post out, you know,

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get that book. The book club starts on Tuesday next week, and that's filling up fast. So if

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that is something that you are going to be interested in, Jackie, I believe is the one

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that is going to be doing those sessions each week. And so that will be on every Tuesday for

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five weeks. And so it will kind of if you if you can remember what heart work was like,

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it's very, very similar. So it's there will be a section that you'll, you'll read and then you'll

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do like a check in sort of.

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thing. Awesome. Laura says she's got the book and she's reading it and it's so good. I've

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got to order my copy. I'm excited because I'm looking forward to kind of seeing, you

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know, some tips and things that Jackie coaches and teaches from as far as the dating goes

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because that's kind of what we focus on here in phase two. So I'm excited to check that

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out. I actually got one of the ladies that goes to my church. She just signed up last

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night and purchased the book. I'm really excited for her. She joined me on the women's retreat

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that we went to at the end of January and, you know, Holy Spirit has been kind of dropping

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to her about this idea of marriage. She's been married twice already and she's trying

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to like, she's like, she wants marriage and she's like, I just, I'm not sure what that

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looks like in this season. And I've been married twice and I'm a little bit older. And so she's

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been having us women pray for her at church. And so when this, this opportunity came, I

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felt Holy Spirit kind of nudged me and been like, you know, share this with her and find

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out that she's actually heard of Jackie. She's actually heard of her about three years ago

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with the wisdom challenge. So I thought that was really cool. And I've actually been going

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to this church for about two years now. So definitely check that out. Again, I shared

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that you're going to be invited to a special session tonight with Jackie. It's a sneak

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peek of what phase three is. So there's no 8 p.m. check-in for our phase two. It is in

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the events tab. It's in the calendar. I already looked. It's there. So definitely if you're

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able to make that totally check that out. Our activation tonight, I kind of paired it

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with that. And it's why I just really felt led to kind of switch gears and just teach

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something different today. Cause it was not going to teach from the divine feminine. But

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like I said, I think I got a little prompting that something good is going to happen in

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this teaching. So I went ahead and I'm going to be obedient to that. So let's see. Don't

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forget. I know last week. Yeah, I would imagine there will be a replay of that. I would hope

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I would think there would be for that tonight. Most of the time, those types of events we

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do, we do do those replays. Last week, I did touch on the last year single guidelines. So

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definitely if you haven't checked those out, or haven't visited those in a while, they are in

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the phase one heartwork content. It's under the welcome and it's child royal rules. So you

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definitely want to I just, I think it's just good sometimes to just revisit that. And just to get a

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refresher. Another thing that I also feel really led to share with you ladies. And this sometimes

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we don't really talk about this, but I really feel like it was really important, something

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just nudged me about it. And so I want to talk real quick, and in our housekeeping, what, what

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the community engagement looks like in this phase. So if you're brand new here, and you're like,

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okay, well, what's this entail? It's good. And if you've been here for a while, it's definitely

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really good to be reminded of it. So the purpose of phase two, is to, and all of our phases really

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is to create a space that is protected, that's safe, that you know, you all can continue to still

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work on the heartwork. Okay, yes, you've graduated heartwork from phase one, but heartwork

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continues. And then in this phase, we kind of launch you and prompt you to begin the dating

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process when you feel Holy Spirit's kind of nudging you to do so. And so we want you to be

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able to use those heartwork tools that you learned in phase one, and pairing it with what you're

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currently learning in this phase as well. And so we want to make that place safe. Okay, because this

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is a space where it can get a little vulnerable, especially when we start incorporating dating,

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especially if you haven't dated in a while. Y'all like when I joined this community, it was back in

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2020. And I was a single, I

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was I hadn't dated in five years.

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And so it's really important.

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Here, I've got to mute everybody.

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It's really important that we just

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keep that space sacred to be vulnerable, OK?

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And so I, myself, didn't start dating right away.

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I was a little shy about it.

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I knew I needed to work a little bit more on my identity.

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And so everybody's going to have their own process

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and their own pace that they go.

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And so we just really want to make sure

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that that space is protected because it is vulnerable.

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And it's important to be vulnerable in this stage.

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So in order to do that, we do ask

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that you ladies kind of avoid giving direct advice when

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people are sharing about their current situation

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or kind of coaching them, OK?

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Let myself and Ebony and even Bethany

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will pop in from time to time, as well as Jackie.

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And let us kind of take charge of that, OK?

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This is your space for you all to focus on your growth, OK?

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And so that's important.

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Don't feel like you have to interpret someone else's

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situation and relationship and things of that nature.

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We want to be engaged with each other,

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but we don't need to take on that responsibility.

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And it's not because your intentions

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aren't well intended.

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And it's not because they're not valued.

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Like, I am certain that every single woman here

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has valuable wisdom to share to each and every person

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in this community.

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I mean, we're created for relationship.

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We have connection with the Lord.

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He's going to give us that.

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So it's not that it's not valuable.

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It just is about keeping you all individually

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anchored in your own healing and discernment process.

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Does that make sense?

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I don't have a lot of people on camera,

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so I don't know if I get head nods or shakes

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or anything like that.

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So bear with me here.

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So I want you to start shifting.

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And instead of trying to help each other figure things out,

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like, I want you to pull yourself into, like,

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instead of pulling yourself into this space of, like,

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I'm going to help someone else, I

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want you all to be focused on your own stuff.

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Does that make sense?

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OK.

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So because that's what will tend to happen.

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And I speak that from experience,

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because I naturally gravitate towards encouraging and advice

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giving and coaching.

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That's just part of how God created me.

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So it's easy to fall into that.

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So some ways to be able to do that

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would be sharing with someone, like, hey,

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I really relate to what you shared.

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And then share a little bit about why

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that was relatable to you.

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Reflect on how what they shared applies to you yourself.

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You might even share with them, like, hey,

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thank you so much for posting that,

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because that is giving me the language on how

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to communicate something that I'm also experiencing

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and that feeling somewhat similar.

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And or, like, God's highlighting this in my life,

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and so you sharing about this has helped me in this way.

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Like, it's OK to kind of tie it back

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to how it helps you.

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And it also lends to that encouragement.

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It encourages that person for stepping out boldly

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and sharing something vulnerable and personal.

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And that, like, that not just helps them,

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but it's also going to help you, too.

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But again, the goal is to keep you all grounded

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on your own healing process, help

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you stay connected with what God wants to do in your life,

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and it protects the space altogether.

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Sound good?

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All right.

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We're 15 minutes in.

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I'm moving along here.

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I'm going to go ahead and pray for us,

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and then we'll get started on the divine feminine teaching

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that I kind of pulled together.

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other last minute because I'm going to change and forgive me I put my glasses on that like

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fall it kind of shift down I had some one-on-one sessions today so I just quickly rolled out of

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bed this morning so I could spend time with the Lord this morning before those calls and before

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this call so I didn't put contacts in and I didn't grab the right glasses so I'm going to be doing

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this very frequently see how I do that and it just slips down I yeah I feel like I'm like one

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of those like librarians or something that just like you know anyway I'm gonna go off on a like

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I'm gonna squirrel right now so um so I that I don't do that let's go ahead and just pray

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oh Heavenly Father I just thank you for your presence Lord thank you for bringing us together

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Lord and I just feel this this sense of just you know so much gratitude for the ability to

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come together in a way where we're all in different parts of the country or world and

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and we still can be together and that your presence is felt and so I thank you for that

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I thank you for the hearts that are gathered here I thank you for each woman and person on

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this call that is that's present and is also watching in replay I thank you for

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the desire in their heart to grow and for the wisdom that you want to plant in each and every

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one of them Lord quiet the distractions anything that can distract in this moment Lord this this

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hour and a half today Lord I just ask that you just shut them off quiet the distractions

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calm any anxieties and just help each person be fully present to listen to what it is that you

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want to share as we learn about the Divine Feminine God I just you know ask that you

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guide our hearts to receive that clarity and that discernment help us to understand

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what it means to step into this identity of the Divine Feminine

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what does nurturing look like what does it look like to be wise and receptive

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and to be grounded in your love

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Lord I just ask that you give us courage to let go of any striving

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any any ways that we're trying to control things

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or any ways that we're building up walls and and closing off

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Lord I ask that you teach us to trust in your process

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in your process that you have us in the palm of your hands strengthen our patience Lord

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our worth and to come into alignment with your timing Father

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let this space be one that encourages

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that opens each person up to some growth

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and also allows for just authentic connection

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with each other as well as an authentic connection with you

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Lord I ask that you speak to each woman here

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individually in the way that she needs to hear it today

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Lord we just we give this time to you and place it in your hands

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and in Jesus name we pray this amen

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all right do I have any other people on okay

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I still just got three people on camera thank you Sarah, Shell, Peggy and Lovetta

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love seeing your faces so good I got Abby on, Eloise so yes I totally get it like

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it's that weird part of day that some of us were at work so

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yes I totally get that Nancy yep so if you can't be on camera I just know I'm not I'm not

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pressuring you and like trying to call you out I'm just encouraging if you can please please please

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yes and that pretty beach picture I love it Sarah, Shell, you know I miss the beach

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you know I miss the beach so yeah let's go ahead and jump in we're at 20 after here so I want to

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I want to make sure that we leave time for your questions I got caught up a lot yesterday

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on a lot of the posts in the app and so I I'm probably

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not thinking clearly on who posted what. So I want to make sure that I give y'all that time and space

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in our call today if you have any follow-up questions to that. And then it allows me time

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to kind of maybe refresh my memory on anything that I was caught up on yesterday. So the Divine

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Feminine. The Divine Feminine is just really like, I just love, like I said, I love, love,

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love, love that video. Like I love Jackie's teaching on it. It's just, for me, it's so

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powerful. It really does help me step into that authentic alignment of like who God divinely

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created me to like embody, like what that, what that looks like, you know, like the difference

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between the feminine and the masculine, like there is an actual purpose for that. Ladies,

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I'm going to go ahead and remind you just to make sure that you're staying muted because when we do

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this in replay, those background noises do kind of interfere with that. So it's really about just

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being in alignment with like what God's intention is, okay? Like he designed us on purpose. He

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created each and every one of us on purpose to be female. On purpose. And yet we all have

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differences too. But there are certain things that are just part of this identity of the feminine,

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which he himself, God, is both feminine and masculine. Like we are made in his image. So that

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feminine is part of his image. And so it's coming into rooted alignment with that,

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being receptive and confident that God created us with intentionality and purpose.

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And, you know, I was thinking today as I was kind of throwing this all together, you know,

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it's not about a weakness or passivity. Like I think sometimes like we think of the feminine

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and people just kind of say, oh, well, that's the weaker gender. You know? And you know, I don't,

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like, there was probably a time in my life, like I felt probably felt like that. And then there was

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a time in my life that I was like, oh, heck no. There was some, you know, those wounds and the

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those traumas kind of built. I know you're laughing because you feel it, don't you?

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But I would be like, I was hardened at times. And sometimes I still could be like that.

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To be perfectly honest, I'm going to be transparent here. Like I still carry some wounds

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and some unhealed areas. Like we all have stuff that we're working on. And so,

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you know, like there was probably a time where I was like, oh, that's what the feminine is. It's

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kind of weak. It's, you know, oh, it's, it's this passiveness. And then, then you kind of

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get vulnerable with that. And then you get wounded and then some hardness comes.

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And then it's like, oh, heck no. I'll show you who's boss, right? Like, I'll show you,

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you're not going to control me. You're, you know, like, and then I don't know if y'all recall,

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and this is what came to mind when I was going over this is that word submission.

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Do y'all remember that from phase one in the heart work? You're asked that in that those

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first couple of chapters, what is your relationship with that word? Submit,

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especially when you're thinking of marriage and relationship. And I'm like, I'm sitting here

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trying to go back to like, how did I feel about it when I first stepped into this community

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five years ago? And I'm like, and how do I feel about it now? Now that I'm married y'all.

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And if I'm transparent, like y'all that's hard sometimes that's it's so this, this whole divine

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feminine, really, if you can step into this teaching and really spend time with this,

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it really will prepare you for what marriage is. And you ladies that have been married before you

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will understand that. Okay. I went when I came into this program, I was in my late thirties.

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I'd never been married, okay?

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I had no clue what marriage is.

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So that might be you.

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You're like, I've never been married.

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And so we might have this idea of what it is

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and let me know.

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Like, I had this idea of what I thought it was gonna be.

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I haven't even been married a full three years

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and I'm like, it's nothing like what I thought

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it was gonna be.

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There's some things that I'm like, whoa,

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completely not what I thought it was.

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And then there's some things

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that are really like awesome about it.

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And I'm like, wow, I didn't know it could be this.

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Okay, so there's all these little surprises.

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But I think about that word submission

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and I'm like, wow, it really does embody that feminine.

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Like, we are called to submit to our husbands, okay?

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And I know sometimes some of us, and I was one of them,

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got really offended by that

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because I had been hurt by men

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because I never felt like they were responsible

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for their part and I got hurt in the process.

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So this idea of submitting was like,

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well, I can't submit because they're not doing this.

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Does anybody relate to that?

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I gotta shut my, I don't see all the comments right away.

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So I do try to look at those.

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But, and so what I want to help you ladies,

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like what I wanna start this off with,

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I really felt Holy Spirit just kind of dropped this on me

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right before I jumped on the call,

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is that really want you ladies to get hold of

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that submission is not weakness or passivity.

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Like sit with that.

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It actually takes a lot of strength to be led.

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Strength to be led.

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To literally submit our own control and to surrender.

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That takes a lot of strength.

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And so in this single season, okay,

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having been in the single season before in this community

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and now kind of being on the other side of it,

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I'm like, man, like what would have happened

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if I took a little bit more time in my single season

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to really prepare for what that actually looked like?

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To actually learn how to grow in my submission

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to take God's lead.

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Because that's the covering we're under.

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God's our number one.

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We take his lead first and foremost.

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We're obedient to him.

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And so now when you're in a single season,

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like that's inevitable.

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Like you're like, well, of course, like I'm single,

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like that's who you go to.

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But when we step into marriage,

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it's very easy at times to sometimes forget

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that God's our source, not our husband.

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Our husbands are resource.

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But he's not our full source.

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And so because he's a resource though,

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and in the covenant marriage and in our home,

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you will have to surrender to your husband

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because he's going to lead.

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And it's no different than,

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you're going to have to surrender to your husband.

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And it's no different than,

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but you're still going to the father.

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So it is really practicing to surrender

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and submit to the Lord.

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And if you learn how to grow in that,

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when you get married,

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surrendering to a husband will be so much easier.

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So much easier.

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And that's where I tend to struggle

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with my submission with my husband.

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It's rooted in fact that I struggle with my trust in God

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because there's things I still want to take control of.

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They don't fully trust the Lord with.

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I say I do, but I don't act like I do.

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Okay.

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So, it really does prepare you for that maturity and growth process that marriage really is

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intended for, and it helps us align with our divine identity.

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It anchors us and steps us into being that easer, that helpmate with our husband.

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It's a partnership, and it's no different than a partnership with God.

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And so, I just really want you ladies to just kind of, I know I took like 10 minutes to really

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define that, but I really think that is so important to take hold of.

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You know, divine feminine, it's strength, being under control, it's gentleness, yet still being

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grounded, and it's a softness while still being powerful.

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We can be both and, okay?

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And so, when all of these qualities come together, they really do create like this regulated presence,

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this secure identity, and aligned relationships, okay?

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You're going to learn to respond instead of react when you're in that divine feminine.

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You're going to learn to trust yourself and God's timing and learn to trust God.

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And you're going to learn that you can receive love without needing to chase it or collapse

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in order to receive it even.

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Like, oh, come fix me.

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I need love.

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Y'all, sometimes I can be in that.

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Like, I can feel like I don't know who I am, and I just want a person to come help fix me.

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Well, that's not divine.

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That's me going back to the old ways of trying to put a person in a God-shaped hole.

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It just doesn't work.

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I need that connection and that relationship with God.

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And so, I want to step into that identity.

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I want to trust in that identity that he created me for.

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And so, when all those qualities are present, it really does come together.

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And so, I want you to think of, if you have strength, but you're not really receptive to

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things, it's going to show up as rigid and controlling.

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You're going to be so strong and powerful, but you're not going to be willing to receive

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any wisdom, any leadership.

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So, you're going to be rigid, and you're going to say, nope, I got this.

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I'm going to control this outcome.

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You're not going to tell me.

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You're not going to lead me.

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You don't know what you're talking about.

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Y'all, I do this with my husband sometimes, especially in parenting.

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And I can say this right now because he's not even present.

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So, don't tell him.

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Don't tell him this little fact that I've discovered.

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Like, there's times where I'm like, no, this is how we need to parent.

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Like, I don't want him to take the lead.

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Because I'm like, nope, I got to control it.

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Because I sometimes am operating in the fear of like, oh my gosh, what's going to happen

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to my babies?

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Okay.

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So, I have three.

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I have, you know, my youngest is my biological son, and then I have my bonus children, my

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older two.

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They're my babies, too.

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They don't have a mother here on earth.

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Their mother passed away.

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And so, I'm their earthly mother.

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And so, there is this responsibility that I just carry, this heart that I carry that

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I'm like, I want to be that for them.

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And so, I sometimes will take over God's position.

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And so, I step into that fear presence.

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And then I'm telling my husband, like, you know, I'm strong, but I'm not going to receive

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what you have.

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I'm not going to allow you to lead.

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And then I get rigid and controlling.

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And then my kids don't operate very well under that either.

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Now, maybe, you know, if you're receptive, but you're unstable, you're not grounded.

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Like, you're receiving, but you're kind of like, do I do this?

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Do I do that?

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Like, you're indecisive.

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Like, you might land yourself into this being naive and overgiving.

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Like, you're going to want to receive, but then that's when you kind of sometimes

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have to make a decision.

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because you don't have that like those boundaries and you're not grounded and

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you're not sure of things, it can open you up to kind of being taken advantage

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of because you're not sure. So you're just gonna receive all the things and

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you're not gonna listen to that discernment. You're not gonna be

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listening to the Lord of like, what do I do? What do I not do? What do you say I

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should do Lord? Who am I? Now maybe you're like, nope, I'm grounded, I'm firm, but

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maybe like you're not playful. You're not fun, energetic, playful, because that's

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the feminine too. You might be rigid but there might not be any joy. Joy is

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the fruit of the Spirit.

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Ladies, I will tell you and this is not, I don't want you to take this on as like

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because I've had ladies do this before and I've done this teaching. I had, I

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actually recall this was probably like a year and a half, two years ago. She and

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and she spoke up and was like, Karla, like that makes me uncomfortable, this idea of

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being fun. She's like, I don't, I feel like you're telling me I'm not fun and I

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because I was like saying like you got to be fun and she's like, well, but I also

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think that there's a time and place to be serious and I was like, oh girl, I

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totally get you. Like I am a very like, you know, let's get business. Let's get

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down to business. But what I was explaining to her is, especially with men,

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they like to have fun.

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And I say this because I can and my husband would admit it. Like there's this

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like childlike nature about my husband and I think it's in all men. I just think

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that there was just this part of men that they just, they like to be silly,

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goofy. I always tell my husband, I'm like, you're such a weirdo and he's like,

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yep. He's like, and God knew you needed a little bit of weird in your life

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because he's determined. He's like, Karla, we just need to let, like, you got that

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weird in you. You just haven't let it out yet. And he's like, there's times that

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we'll see it. And he's like, so God knew you just needed an extra weird husband.

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And so there is a bit of playfulness in that. Like you're just a weirdo. You're

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not like, you're going to want to enjoy that when you connect with your spirit

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mate. And so you want to be able to align with that and embrace that. Okay. All

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right. So I don't want to continue to keep taking up too much time. I still have

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lots to cover. So I'm going to kind of talk about some of the characteristics

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that Jackie covers in that video, The Divine Feminine. So she talks about the

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Divine Feminine being a nurturer and a comforter. Okay. It's just kind of, it's

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just innate. All right. And this is about encouraging growth without doing for

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others what they can do for themselves. Okay. So when a woman can step into this,

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she's going to be able to offer guidance and support without over-functioning.

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00:38:29.080 --> 00:38:35.480
You're going to be able to create space for people to flourish and it will bring

446
00:38:35.480 --> 00:38:39.080
comfort without taking the responsibility for others outcomes. That

447
00:38:39.280 --> 00:38:46.280
one's huge. That one hit me. I have a tendency and I'm really having to do

448
00:38:46.280 --> 00:38:55.080
some healing in this area even currently with this taking on other people's

449
00:38:55.080 --> 00:39:00.280
responsibilities and feeling like I'm responsible for the outcomes. And when

450
00:39:00.280 --> 00:39:05.080
I'm stepping into that, I'm not operating in my Divine Feminine. I can bring

451
00:39:05.080 --> 00:39:13.880
comfort and wisdom and nurturing and guidance without needing to carry the

452
00:39:13.880 --> 00:39:22.280
responsibility of stuff that is theirs to carry and God's to carry. So it's not

453
00:39:22.280 --> 00:39:32.180
my job to micromanage or maybe over text. Like maybe you just like over try to

454
00:39:32.180 --> 00:39:37.180
over communicate just to secure that connection. It's not it's not your job

455
00:39:37.180 --> 00:39:44.380
to micromanage the connection. Oftentimes my husband's like Carla, you're a

456
00:39:44.380 --> 00:39:51.380
micro thinker and he's a macro thinker. And I'm like sometimes I'm like are you

457
00:39:51.380 --> 00:39:57.980
do you mean that as an insult? Because I'm like because I am detail-oriented. I

458
00:39:57.980 --> 00:40:02.180
like to think of the little details.

459
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.080
tails. My husband's not like that he's like Matt like he wants to think of the

460
00:40:05.080 --> 00:40:13.960
broader things but I think what happens is that for him he he finds like the

461
00:40:13.960 --> 00:40:20.720
micro is more of like a micromanaging and I'm not really stepping into that

462
00:40:20.720 --> 00:40:30.380
easier helper so because I'm sitting here trying to secure something so when

463
00:40:30.380 --> 00:40:36.320
a woman is in that divine feminine she's going to allow others to step into their

464
00:40:36.320 --> 00:40:44.160
own responsibility okay just keep that in mind so for an example like think

465
00:40:44.160 --> 00:40:48.680
about how you are in your friendships

466
00:40:50.680 --> 00:40:55.720
when your friends come to you and you're listening to them

467
00:40:56.840 --> 00:41:05.400
or even when you go to a friend do you want and you're in you're sharing with

468
00:41:05.400 --> 00:41:13.240
them you want them to listen to you is it helpful when they're affirming you

469
00:41:13.240 --> 00:41:16.720
instead of trying to fix you

470
00:41:19.000 --> 00:41:25.120
Sarah shell says no the Peggy's like yeah okay so I like this so I like that

471
00:41:25.120 --> 00:41:38.920
we can kind of dig into this so like do we want to do you think when we when

472
00:41:38.920 --> 00:41:44.600
people come and they're desiring connection do you think that they want

473
00:41:44.600 --> 00:41:51.360
to be fixed or do you think that they want to be nurtured I asked them what

474
00:41:51.360 --> 00:41:55.960
they want that's good I like that what are you

475
00:41:55.960 --> 00:42:00.800
thinking you seeking me just to listen yeah or are you seeking advice and I

476
00:42:00.800 --> 00:42:06.280
haven't been very good that's very different way yes I love that so yes

477
00:42:06.280 --> 00:42:10.400
there's just kind of taking it into that like you can like I can tell like

478
00:42:10.400 --> 00:42:14.920
you've grown in relationships because that is and you've been married before

479
00:42:14.920 --> 00:42:20.400
so you get that that is one thing I think I learned early on even in

480
00:42:20.400 --> 00:42:26.360
marriage and my husband had to learn to is men will want to come and be the

481
00:42:26.360 --> 00:42:30.200
problem solvers it's just it's they're the provider the protector they're gonna

482
00:42:30.200 --> 00:42:34.240
want to try to solve your problem and for a woman to feel emotionally secure

483
00:42:34.240 --> 00:42:39.360
we want to be nurtured and affirmed and so sometimes it's like I come to my

484
00:42:39.360 --> 00:42:45.440
husband because I need to vent and and he'll be like if he's sitting there

485
00:42:45.440 --> 00:42:52.840
trying to tell me what to do and like problem-solve I'm like there's a

486
00:42:52.840 --> 00:43:00.800
disconnect and so like Sarah shells like is saying she's like she doesn't step in

487
00:43:00.800 --> 00:43:06.320
and assume with her close relationships my guess is she's saying hey how do you

488
00:43:06.320 --> 00:43:11.880
want me to show up do you want me to listen and affirm and give you

489
00:43:11.880 --> 00:43:17.640
encouragement or would you like me to help you fix and solve a problem okay

490
00:43:17.640 --> 00:43:24.040
that's really good can I add to that what's that can I add to that go for it

491
00:43:24.040 --> 00:43:30.920
like there are times that some friends in my life they'll be like they'll not

492
00:43:30.920 --> 00:43:33.880
and I've trained them to be like that you know where they call me and they're

493
00:43:33.880 --> 00:43:40.800
like I need to just vent so in all honesty I'm like okay and I literally I

494
00:43:40.800 --> 00:43:48.400
put the phone down and I'm like have at it and so I hear this like because I

495
00:43:48.400 --> 00:43:51.920
don't want all that trash and garbage going in my ears this is the way that I

496
00:43:51.920 --> 00:43:56.880
protect my ears my heart and my ears especially if they start gossiping or

497
00:43:56.880 --> 00:44:01.560
you know gripe and complain like all this kind of stuff but if the person

498
00:44:01.560 --> 00:44:06.760
says look I've got this problem and I I need to be able to express some of it

499
00:44:06.760 --> 00:44:12.840
but I'm looking for advice and to help me walk through this what's mine what's

500
00:44:12.840 --> 00:44:18.160
theirs like you know going through that then I listen with a different kind of

501
00:44:18.160 --> 00:44:23.360
ear and a different kind of heart I don't just want to listen to somebody

502
00:44:23.360 --> 00:44:29.520
that just wants to come up to me and vomit on me you know all their griping

503
00:44:29.520 --> 00:44:36.480
and complaining and trash talk and whatever and but they don't want to they

504
00:44:36.480 --> 00:44:41.920
don't want their life to change in essence they're just coming taking their

505
00:44:41.920 --> 00:44:45.880
trash can and dumping it on me now they feel better because their trash can is

506
00:44:45.880 --> 00:44:52.040
empty I'm like I'm not your dumpster that's called your journal go for an

507
00:44:52.040 --> 00:44:56.760
angry walk I call them stomping ass angry walks Lord BAM hit the ground

508
00:44:56.760 --> 00:45:02.160
with my foot it's a very different

509
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.360
different way that I've learned to walk through things

510
00:45:04.360 --> 00:45:06.120
because I am a natural counselor.

511
00:45:06.120 --> 00:45:08.360
That's what the Lord made me as.

512
00:45:08.360 --> 00:45:11.280
You know, so it's like, if you don't want it.

513
00:45:11.280 --> 00:45:15.240
The way your mind operates, yeah, I can see that.

514
00:45:15.240 --> 00:45:17.400
I can go macro, I can go micro,

515
00:45:17.400 --> 00:45:20.940
I can go in all different realms for people,

516
00:45:20.940 --> 00:45:23.380
but it's like, if you don't point me,

517
00:45:24.840 --> 00:45:27.000
or they'll throw out a question and I'm like,

518
00:45:27.000 --> 00:45:28.720
now my ex used to go, oh,

519
00:45:28.720 --> 00:45:30.600
how long of an answer do you want for that one?

520
00:45:30.600 --> 00:45:33.000
That one just opened up the whole universe to her.

521
00:45:33.000 --> 00:45:33.840
You know?

522
00:45:33.840 --> 00:45:38.080
Like, she'll give you that one, and that one,

523
00:45:38.080 --> 00:45:39.920
and that one, and that one.

524
00:45:39.920 --> 00:45:42.000
It's like, where do you want me to angle this thing?

525
00:45:42.000 --> 00:45:42.840
Yep, yep.

526
00:45:44.000 --> 00:45:46.480
So I just learned to do that with people.

527
00:45:46.480 --> 00:45:48.460
And then I would learn to do that,

528
00:45:48.460 --> 00:45:50.860
like, who can take that from me?

529
00:45:52.160 --> 00:45:54.000
Yeah, who can take that from me?

530
00:45:54.000 --> 00:45:57.840
You're kind of like, and I share this too with you ladies,

531
00:45:57.840 --> 00:45:59.520
and you probably have heard me say this,

532
00:45:59.520 --> 00:46:03.040
like, as a coach, as your coach here,

533
00:46:03.040 --> 00:46:05.640
and Jackie did this to me.

534
00:46:05.640 --> 00:46:08.000
There were times, there was things that Jackie would say,

535
00:46:08.000 --> 00:46:11.280
and I'd be like, shh, I would be offended.

536
00:46:12.200 --> 00:46:16.840
And Jackie's like, look, if there's offense there,

537
00:46:16.840 --> 00:46:19.600
that's a heart thing.

538
00:46:19.600 --> 00:46:22.160
And so what I usually, and Sarah,

539
00:46:22.160 --> 00:46:24.580
Shell, you could probably agree to this,

540
00:46:24.580 --> 00:46:26.780
and I've even explained this to my husband,

541
00:46:26.780 --> 00:46:29.840
and one thing I've had to learn to grow in is,

542
00:46:32.260 --> 00:46:37.020
I always tell you ladies, I am your biggest cheerleader.

543
00:46:37.020 --> 00:46:39.460
I am an encourager by nature.

544
00:46:40.340 --> 00:46:43.200
Like, I've had to grow in my way of encouraging,

545
00:46:43.200 --> 00:46:46.780
because it does come natural for me to discern

546
00:46:46.780 --> 00:46:49.380
and see things that I will rip Band-Aids off,

547
00:46:49.380 --> 00:46:51.140
and sometimes people aren't ready

548
00:46:51.140 --> 00:46:53.420
for the Band-Aid to be ripped off.

549
00:46:53.420 --> 00:46:56.580
And so it's easy for me to just kind of naturally step

550
00:46:57.380 --> 00:46:59.300
into like, let me rip a Band-Aid off,

551
00:46:59.300 --> 00:47:01.860
and I have to stop and be like, okay,

552
00:47:01.860 --> 00:47:04.900
but God also has given me this gift to be an encourager,

553
00:47:04.900 --> 00:47:07.260
how do I merge them together?

554
00:47:07.260 --> 00:47:11.580
How do I really step into that authentic divine feminine?

555
00:47:11.580 --> 00:47:13.500
Because guess what?

556
00:47:13.500 --> 00:47:17.300
That, ripping the Band-Aid off, is wisdom,

557
00:47:18.140 --> 00:47:20.460
which is the next thing that we're gonna talk about

558
00:47:20.460 --> 00:47:22.140
that the feminine has.

559
00:47:23.140 --> 00:47:27.740
But the feminine is also soft and nurturing and comforting.

560
00:47:27.740 --> 00:47:30.780
So it's being able to kind of merge the two,

561
00:47:30.780 --> 00:47:34.580
and so it's a practice of having to learn how to do that.

562
00:47:34.580 --> 00:47:37.700
And it is natural to step in and be like,

563
00:47:37.700 --> 00:47:39.660
look, I'm gonna rip the Band-Aid off.

564
00:47:39.660 --> 00:47:44.540
Well, here's something else, I'll get like,

565
00:47:44.540 --> 00:47:47.460
okay, this is gonna hurt, you know?

566
00:47:47.460 --> 00:47:49.980
So we're in a discussion, and then I'm like,

567
00:47:49.980 --> 00:47:51.220
and then I go silent.

568
00:47:52.260 --> 00:47:54.540
And now they've learned, they're like,

569
00:47:54.540 --> 00:47:55.740
this next bit's gonna hurt.

570
00:47:55.740 --> 00:47:58.380
I'm like, yes, it's gonna be an alchie

571
00:47:58.380 --> 00:48:00.260
for your flesh and your soul.

572
00:48:00.260 --> 00:48:04.300
Your spirit's gonna rejoice, eventually.

573
00:48:04.300 --> 00:48:05.860
But ladies, I also want you to hear too,

574
00:48:05.860 --> 00:48:08.060
and Sarah, so you can probably even kind of speak to this,

575
00:48:08.060 --> 00:48:10.900
is you probably have learned there's certain people

576
00:48:10.900 --> 00:48:13.180
you can do this with that you've actually built

577
00:48:13.180 --> 00:48:14.620
connection and relationship with.

578
00:48:14.620 --> 00:48:15.460
Absolutely.

579
00:48:15.460 --> 00:48:17.260
Not just have like, you know,

580
00:48:17.260 --> 00:48:20.980
it can't be an acquaintance that you show up that way.

581
00:48:20.980 --> 00:48:23.100
Or if it's a client, because they're paying for it.

582
00:48:23.100 --> 00:48:24.940
They want resolution.

583
00:48:24.940 --> 00:48:27.340
And you can set that parameter of like,

584
00:48:27.340 --> 00:48:29.060
hey, this is what this is gonna look like.

585
00:48:29.060 --> 00:48:33.460
And they're aware of what those boundaries look like.

586
00:48:33.460 --> 00:48:36.660
And I've also reframed offense to people.

587
00:48:36.660 --> 00:48:37.500
Yes.

588
00:48:37.500 --> 00:48:39.020
And I'm like, if you can,

589
00:48:39.020 --> 00:48:41.660
because to me, this is how the Lord taught me.

590
00:48:41.660 --> 00:48:44.260
He said, be a screen, not a sponge.

591
00:48:45.500 --> 00:48:48.740
So if something comes at me from somebody else,

592
00:48:48.780 --> 00:48:50.620
you know, they're blasting me.

593
00:48:51.940 --> 00:48:54.700
If it just passes, like when it just passes on through,

594
00:48:54.700 --> 00:48:57.740
I'm like, yay, Lord, on the inside,

595
00:48:57.740 --> 00:48:58.900
look how much you've healed me.

596
00:48:58.900 --> 00:49:00.380
It just passed right on through.

597
00:49:00.380 --> 00:49:03.620
Like, nothing's stuck, you know, kind of thing.

598
00:49:03.620 --> 00:49:04.860
I didn't absorb it.

599
00:49:05.860 --> 00:49:08.100
But if I absorbed any of it, and then I got,

600
00:49:08.100 --> 00:49:10.100
you know, let's just say pissy, you know,

601
00:49:10.100 --> 00:49:13.420
I got on the inside of me, I'm like, eh, you know, going off.

602
00:49:13.420 --> 00:49:16.460
I'm like, thank you, Lord, for bringing this blessing to me,

603
00:49:16.460 --> 00:49:18.340
because now I realize there was an area

604
00:49:18.900 --> 00:49:19.940
where I could get triggered.

605
00:49:19.940 --> 00:49:21.700
Yeah, I'm not in the right attitude yet,

606
00:49:21.700 --> 00:49:23.700
but at least I recognize that it is,

607
00:49:23.700 --> 00:49:27.780
it will be a bigger blessing when it's all the way through.

608
00:49:27.780 --> 00:49:30.620
And it's giving yourself that grace and that space

609
00:49:30.620 --> 00:49:32.380
is like, look, you don't have to have it

610
00:49:32.380 --> 00:49:33.500
all figured out right now,

611
00:49:33.500 --> 00:49:36.260
but you are recognizing how the Holy Spirit

612
00:49:36.260 --> 00:49:38.100
is highlighting that to you.

613
00:49:38.100 --> 00:49:40.300
Exactly, and I warn others of the same thing.

614
00:49:40.300 --> 00:49:43.780
I'm like, this might offend you, and you're welcome.

615
00:49:43.780 --> 00:49:44.620
Yeah.

616
00:49:44.620 --> 00:49:47.220
Because at least we're doing it in a safe space.

617
00:49:47.220 --> 00:49:48.060
Exactly.

618
00:49:49.060 --> 00:49:51.500
And not out there in your workplace,

619
00:49:51.500 --> 00:49:53.500
or with your husband or your child,

620
00:49:53.500 --> 00:49:55.060
and then your, you know, things blow up

621
00:49:55.060 --> 00:49:58.380
and the whole relationship goes to pot and, you know.

622
00:49:59.660 --> 00:50:00.500
Exactly.

623
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.560
Exactly. I'm not going to blow up on you, you know, let's have at it.

624
00:50:03.560 --> 00:50:06.360
So you're going to, you're going to be in that divine, soft,

625
00:50:06.400 --> 00:50:09.760
feminine role that nurturing. So that's kind of what I was like sharing.

626
00:50:09.760 --> 00:50:13.000
Like that's, you're there to affirm,

627
00:50:13.000 --> 00:50:16.280
you're not there to control and kind of tell them what to do.

628
00:50:17.600 --> 00:50:18.960
I'm not God for them. They are.

629
00:50:19.240 --> 00:50:23.720
And exactly. So, but so can I, can I challenge you a bit?

630
00:50:24.760 --> 00:50:29.560
Okay. So this is what I'm curious and, and, and you can take time on this.

631
00:50:30.000 --> 00:50:32.880
This, this week, I want you to start.

632
00:50:33.480 --> 00:50:36.920
And some of you ladies might want to do this as well. Okay.

633
00:50:38.440 --> 00:50:42.960
I want you to start reflecting on, and especially at Sarah Shelley,

634
00:50:42.960 --> 00:50:46.640
like you, you deal with clients, like you deal with like, Hey,

635
00:50:46.680 --> 00:50:47.920
I'm going to rip band-aids off.

636
00:50:48.200 --> 00:50:50.520
I did for 25 years. I don't so much anymore.

637
00:50:50.600 --> 00:50:53.680
Okay. So I want you to recognize,

638
00:50:55.080 --> 00:50:59.960
is it different on how you show up with maybe clients or people that you are

639
00:51:00.000 --> 00:51:04.120
coaching and giving advice to versus relationship?

640
00:51:04.440 --> 00:51:07.680
What is the difference there? What would that look like?

641
00:51:09.320 --> 00:51:14.240
Is there a softness that might be

642
00:51:14.280 --> 00:51:18.680
withheld and where might that be rooted in is,

643
00:51:18.720 --> 00:51:19.560
do you.

644
00:51:20.560 --> 00:51:25.440
It's very, I mean, every client is different. It's why like those,

645
00:51:25.960 --> 00:51:29.640
it's why I hate those like disc tasks and stuff like that,

646
00:51:29.640 --> 00:51:34.400
because Jesus addressed everyone's heart individually.

647
00:51:34.400 --> 00:51:38.600
They could ask the same question and he would answer them honestly,

648
00:51:38.600 --> 00:51:43.160
but he answered them to what their heart needed. And that's always my goal.

649
00:51:44.120 --> 00:51:47.840
So you might ask me one question and somebody else might ask me the same exact

650
00:51:47.840 --> 00:51:52.360
question and how I respond to that person is going to depend

651
00:51:52.360 --> 00:51:54.280
upon what I hear from the Lord.

652
00:51:55.840 --> 00:51:57.560
So, yeah, I want you to really.

653
00:51:58.960 --> 00:52:01.600
So this is like, it's hard to say like, which, because it's like,

654
00:52:03.080 --> 00:52:06.280
I like how you are framing that because I really,

655
00:52:07.400 --> 00:52:08.960
Ooh, getting really spiritual on this one.

656
00:52:12.440 --> 00:52:16.120
I want to encourage you over this next week

657
00:52:18.400 --> 00:52:20.160
to pay attention

658
00:52:20.840 --> 00:52:24.440
to that heart posture with everyone that you encounter

659
00:52:25.320 --> 00:52:28.000
strangers, friends, family,

660
00:52:29.200 --> 00:52:34.440
but okay. But yeah, just like people that you're interacting with,

661
00:52:34.440 --> 00:52:38.520
like where your thoughts are and what that heart posture,

662
00:52:38.560 --> 00:52:42.760
is it coming from a place of softness

663
00:52:43.920 --> 00:52:46.320
or a place of self-protection?

664
00:52:46.360 --> 00:52:50.440
It's interesting because how the Lord teaches me right now

665
00:52:50.760 --> 00:52:53.560
and what he's teaching me through some really deep stuff in it,

666
00:52:54.080 --> 00:52:57.640
it has to do with the family I was born out of,

667
00:52:57.640 --> 00:53:00.560
but I don't know anything about. So the Lord has to reveal everything.

668
00:53:01.200 --> 00:53:03.000
So, you know, it's not like I can go,

669
00:53:04.080 --> 00:53:06.840
Oh, look at mom, dad and whatever did this. I don't know.

670
00:53:06.840 --> 00:53:10.520
I don't know who they are. You know, like, I don't know. So he's cleaning,

671
00:53:10.520 --> 00:53:13.080
you know, we've been doing a lot of different kinds of stuff in that.

672
00:53:13.360 --> 00:53:15.560
And so like at church,

673
00:53:15.560 --> 00:53:19.440
what I find is I'm in the midst of worship and everything,

674
00:53:19.440 --> 00:53:21.600
and I'm super soft and it's like whatever.

675
00:53:21.600 --> 00:53:25.000
And sometimes the Lord literally comes to me and he's handing me a scepter and

676
00:53:25.000 --> 00:53:28.440
he's like handing me things. He's like, you're doing things in the, you know,

677
00:53:28.440 --> 00:53:32.520
in the spirit realm. And other times I'm like a puddle on the floor or whatever.

678
00:53:33.040 --> 00:53:37.440
And then what I'm finding is that,

679
00:53:37.480 --> 00:53:39.720
especially this one particular elder,

680
00:53:39.760 --> 00:53:42.560
elder of the church, you know, we're about the same age,

681
00:53:42.560 --> 00:53:46.800
but an elder of the church. And so she'll come to me and she goes,

682
00:53:46.840 --> 00:53:50.280
I want you to come with me and go pray for this other person.

683
00:53:50.280 --> 00:53:54.280
Now, I don't have any problem doing that, but my, but my brain goes, excuse me,

684
00:53:54.280 --> 00:53:57.080
aren't you the elder? Like, you know, you're the,

685
00:53:57.080 --> 00:54:00.480
my brain's doing that. I mean, in all honesty, I'm like,

686
00:54:00.480 --> 00:54:05.480
why is it when it comes to prayer that it's not the elder that's doing it?

687
00:54:05.520 --> 00:54:07.720
It's not the elder that's doing that. I mean, in all honesty, I'm like,

688
00:54:08.680 --> 00:54:12.840
why is it when it comes to difficult situations in the spirit realm,

689
00:54:12.840 --> 00:54:16.440
you're coming to me to go knock things out.

690
00:54:16.480 --> 00:54:20.040
Why aren't you doing this? Let me, that's just my thought, you know,

691
00:54:20.040 --> 00:54:21.160
and I'm sorry, but it's a judgment.

692
00:54:21.160 --> 00:54:23.040
So I want you to kind of like,

693
00:54:25.240 --> 00:54:27.720
I'm thinking of a word of what that sounds like.

694
00:54:27.760 --> 00:54:30.960
Is there a word that comes to mind of like, what, what does that,

695
00:54:31.400 --> 00:54:36.400
what word comes to mind when you think of how you just explain that

696
00:54:38.240 --> 00:54:40.280
you're there and someone's coming to you and you're,

697
00:54:40.320 --> 00:54:42.640
and how would you describe like one word,

698
00:54:42.640 --> 00:54:45.560
how you describe someone being like, why are you coming to me?

699
00:54:45.560 --> 00:54:46.680
Why wouldn't you do that?

700
00:54:48.200 --> 00:54:52.400
Okay. I'm getting a flashback to in psychology world.

701
00:54:52.400 --> 00:54:55.640
They called it parental inversion. Okay.

702
00:54:55.720 --> 00:55:00.720
So the elder tosses their resources to the elder.

703
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.700
responsibility. It's the reverse of what you just

704
00:55:04.700 --> 00:55:08.420
described. Yeah, you don't take on that. You're saying we don't

705
00:55:08.420 --> 00:55:11.460
take on the responsibility of others that they themselves can

706
00:55:11.460 --> 00:55:16.560
do. But when my dad was killed, my mom got so subjected with a

707
00:55:16.560 --> 00:55:21.580
spirit of grief. And then other things came in. And I saw in the

708
00:55:21.580 --> 00:55:23.940
spirit realm. So I'm like watching all this crap happen.

709
00:55:24.220 --> 00:55:28.220
Yeah. And all of a sudden I was given adult responsibilities.

710
00:55:28.600 --> 00:55:33.080
Okay, starting at age three. Yeah, like way before. So they

711
00:55:33.080 --> 00:55:36.920
call it parental inversion in the psychology world. And so

712
00:55:36.920 --> 00:55:42.260
flipping that back. And so here, I'm trying to step into what

713
00:55:42.280 --> 00:55:46.340
just being responsible for what's mine. And then here

714
00:55:46.340 --> 00:55:53.000
comes. Like all the women in the group in our small group, they're

715
00:55:53.000 --> 00:55:55.100
all older than me, I'm the youngest one in the whole group.

716
00:55:56.100 --> 00:55:59.400
And the whole group turns to me, they're like, Would you pray for

717
00:55:59.400 --> 00:56:02.900
this? And I pray and things shift because the Lord works.

718
00:56:03.080 --> 00:56:06.500
Yeah, it's not because of me, just the Lord works. And I

719
00:56:06.500 --> 00:56:10.980
believe him. And I believe his word. And they're like, we want

720
00:56:10.980 --> 00:56:15.220
boldness like you and I'm looking at him like the Lord

721
00:56:15.220 --> 00:56:18.180
only yanked me back 10 years ago, and y'all been following

722
00:56:18.180 --> 00:56:23.980
him for 50 years. What's wrong with this picture? So it feels

723
00:56:23.980 --> 00:56:28.460
like this inversion thing that's like, you know, like

724
00:56:28.460 --> 00:56:33.620
putting the responsibility, I'm going to ask this too. And I'm

725
00:56:33.620 --> 00:56:36.220
like, Lord, I don't want this responsibility if it's not mine

726
00:56:36.220 --> 00:56:38.060
to do. Yes.

727
00:56:41.220 --> 00:56:46.820
I want, let's take a minute, let's remove this idea of you

728
00:56:46.820 --> 00:56:49.860
taking the response and deciding whether it's your responsibility

729
00:56:49.860 --> 00:56:50.420
or not.

730
00:56:50.580 --> 00:56:55.180
Like, I don't want it. Unless the Lord, unless the Lord says,

731
00:56:55.220 --> 00:56:56.180
I know this,

732
00:56:56.180 --> 00:56:59.860
let's, let's dive into and we're going to get back on our topic

733
00:56:59.860 --> 00:57:03.780
too. And then I'm going to take questions here shortly. Um,

734
00:57:04.100 --> 00:57:06.940
because I think we're uncovering and unpacking something that's

735
00:57:08.180 --> 00:57:17.420
that I think will help a lot of people as well. Um, this, this

736
00:57:17.500 --> 00:57:20.500
parental inversion, like you're taking that responsibility, like

737
00:57:20.540 --> 00:57:24.460
having, carrying adult responsibilities at a young age.

738
00:57:24.860 --> 00:57:26.900
Very much so. Yeah. And so

739
00:57:29.180 --> 00:57:36.460
is it possible that when people are coming to you for these

740
00:57:36.500 --> 00:57:42.940
adult responsibilities that you never, like you had to take on

741
00:57:43.420 --> 00:57:49.060
that you wanted adults to take at that age and, and they should

742
00:57:49.060 --> 00:57:52.660
have, they should have, yeah, they should have. Yeah. Is there

743
00:57:52.660 --> 00:57:58.140
a bit of resentment and defensiveness that can surface

744
00:57:59.380 --> 00:58:03.980
in that response because of, you know, spending time and being

745
00:58:03.980 --> 00:58:11.740
like, what is it that you, you are grieving that you didn't

746
00:58:11.740 --> 00:58:15.740
get? It was my childhood. I never got the whole, the whole

747
00:58:15.740 --> 00:58:24.340
child was stolen. And so do you see how, when that occurred,

748
00:58:24.460 --> 00:58:28.460
those seeds and roots started taking effect and those lies

749
00:58:28.460 --> 00:58:32.980
started building in to get you to believe that you had to

750
00:58:32.980 --> 00:58:36.180
protect yourself. You had to take on all these

751
00:58:36.180 --> 00:58:40.780
responsibilities. There was no one there to do that for you.

752
00:58:42.100 --> 00:58:45.820
Yeah. And so guess what? We start acting not in our

753
00:58:45.820 --> 00:58:50.940
authentic identity. We start controlling our own narrative,

754
00:58:50.940 --> 00:58:55.340
our own outcomes, because we were living in a place of, I had

755
00:58:55.340 --> 00:58:59.980
to do this at that age. And then that, like I, like you said,

756
00:58:59.980 --> 00:59:03.140
like it was absolute survival. Yeah. You were, you were in

757
00:59:03.140 --> 00:59:06.180
survival. Yeah, it was. And again, like if you go back to

758
00:59:06.180 --> 00:59:08.980
probably like phase one heartwork stuff, and if you go

759
00:59:08.980 --> 00:59:13.860
back and listen to that, that's like victim survivor mentality.

760
00:59:14.700 --> 00:59:21.940
Yeah, it's learning to, you know, kind of reconcile and step

761
00:59:21.980 --> 00:59:28.860
into what that and heal that so that you can really go even

762
00:59:28.860 --> 00:59:32.220
deeper into that authentic identity. And that defined

763
00:59:32.220 --> 00:59:35.220
feminine where, you know, you don't have to be defensive. You

764
00:59:35.220 --> 00:59:38.100
don't have to take on anybody's responsibility. Like, do you see

765
00:59:38.180 --> 00:59:41.300
how it's like, you get to say, okay, I'm not going to take on

766
00:59:41.300 --> 00:59:43.460
someone's responsibility. And I don't also don't have to be

767
00:59:43.460 --> 00:59:51.980
defensive to that. I get to encourage, nurture, comfort. And

768
00:59:51.980 --> 00:59:59.180
I get to let them know that, hey, you are capable. This is

769
00:59:59.180 --> 01:00:00.020
my role.

770
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.000
This is your role. This is God's role and there's a softness about it. It doesn't have to be that rigid

771
01:00:06.680 --> 01:00:08.680
Yeah, he was saying this morning

772
01:00:09.640 --> 01:00:11.880
And I've been doing that there's a lot over this last week

773
01:00:12.960 --> 01:00:18.520
Because I'm like, okay, I've forgiven the people but yet the stuff still like there's stuff still there, you know

774
01:00:18.520 --> 01:00:21.920
And he's like you have to forgive the situation

775
01:00:22.320 --> 01:00:26.320
Yeah, the situation like the enemy used the person

776
01:00:26.560 --> 01:00:29.980
Yeah, and then it was this all this the

777
01:00:30.680 --> 01:00:33.080
country all the situation around it and

778
01:00:34.440 --> 01:00:39.760
What it became keep going and then it's what it became what you believed, you know out of it

779
01:00:39.760 --> 01:00:41.240
And he's done some tremendous thing

780
01:00:41.240 --> 01:00:46.520
He's literally redone things from in the womb for me literally like from conception in the womb

781
01:00:46.760 --> 01:00:54.480
Rebirth like, you know, he's done some amazing things over like literally just completely rewired my brain and took my brain too

782
01:00:54.600 --> 01:01:00.760
My whole brain in months two months just as I was crying every day like this is what's supposed to feel

783
01:01:01.440 --> 01:01:03.440
Like this is what it feels like

784
01:01:03.600 --> 01:01:08.920
Like this is what normal supposed to like this is what you're supposed to let my whole body was just like yeah

785
01:01:09.840 --> 01:01:11.840
Okay, like who am I?

786
01:01:15.520 --> 01:01:21.240
You don't have a before and after now you have a before and after but you didn't before you know

787
01:01:21.600 --> 01:01:26.120
So now it's like going back to certain situations certain events

788
01:01:27.040 --> 01:01:29.040
yeah, and

789
01:01:29.360 --> 01:01:32.440
And removing the things from the event

790
01:01:33.160 --> 01:01:40.000
from the story and then taking he also said I need you to take the event off the throne and

791
01:01:40.520 --> 01:01:42.760
Let me be on the throne

792
01:01:43.360 --> 01:01:45.440
he said, you know, and then

793
01:01:46.480 --> 01:01:47.960
like I

794
01:01:47.960 --> 01:01:53.080
Used to get really triggered every time you said your God defended and I was like, yeah, he sucks at being a defender

795
01:01:53.520 --> 01:01:57.960
You know and I mean on the inside. I mean that was just honest, you know, you're being honest. That's wrong

796
01:01:57.960 --> 01:02:02.760
That's you know, and I was like, well, I had no problem with protector fortress shield

797
01:02:03.040 --> 01:02:08.520
No problem with any of those things you said defender and I was like, I'm gonna reach to that screen and rip her face off

798
01:02:09.640 --> 01:02:11.040
Shut up

799
01:02:11.040 --> 01:02:14.160
Such a liar, you know like that's not happening. Yeah

800
01:02:15.160 --> 01:02:20.360
Yeah, I'm through a process for like two months with that and then I find you know, we finally broke through

801
01:02:21.360 --> 01:02:23.600
But he told me he said well, honey

802
01:02:24.680 --> 01:02:26.680
when you defend

803
01:02:26.840 --> 01:02:34.640
Yourself at best you're on the throne at worst the devil is and I went oh shit

804
01:02:35.200 --> 01:02:39.320
Yeah, but I was like, you know, and I was like a mic drop. You're like

805
01:02:40.320 --> 01:02:47.080
I was coaching a gentleman. He was a very good friend of mine. It was very, you know, well in the Lord and stuff

806
01:02:47.920 --> 01:02:49.920
and we were both like

807
01:02:50.840 --> 01:02:57.160
Crap because you know, he was doing the same thing, you know, and so then we we were repenting together

808
01:02:57.280 --> 01:03:04.000
We were confessing and repenting together and healing together. So I got that masculine

809
01:03:04.880 --> 01:03:07.480
energy in the healing process of

810
01:03:08.080 --> 01:03:10.080
What I needed

811
01:03:10.080 --> 01:03:14.520
To be able to heal the defender side and I'm like, yeah, he's my defender. Not a problem

812
01:03:15.240 --> 01:03:22.600
You know, so, you know, like I'm so thankful like see this is exactly why I feel like God prompted us to

813
01:03:23.120 --> 01:03:27.440
switch gears and for us to do this teaching today because I feel like

814
01:03:28.120 --> 01:03:31.200
this needed to be unpacked for so many of

815
01:03:32.520 --> 01:03:36.560
The ladies that are you know on this call and I'm gonna watch and replay

816
01:03:38.440 --> 01:03:43.920
And I appreciate you just being honest and vulnerable because I

817
01:03:44.880 --> 01:03:48.640
I remember experiencing some of those same emotions

818
01:03:49.360 --> 01:03:53.720
of like offense and being frustrated with Jackie and being like

819
01:03:54.640 --> 01:03:58.960
You know, I was seeing it as something different because God told me he said

820
01:03:59.600 --> 01:04:05.840
Online dating for you. He wasn't saying for anybody else. He said for you what I have for you is a no

821
01:04:06.520 --> 01:04:10.400
Yeah, you know right now and so when you kept saying you can go out and date, you know

822
01:04:10.400 --> 01:04:13.720
You're God defended and I'm like now she's trying to make me go against God's Word

823
01:04:13.920 --> 01:04:18.960
Yeah, and that's that's where I was coming from on it. And I was like, I'm just gonna smack her

824
01:04:18.960 --> 01:04:23.960
I'm gonna drive down to Dallas. I'm gonna find her and we're gonna have this out. I don't have problem with this

825
01:04:23.960 --> 01:04:25.960
I'm only five hours away, you know

826
01:04:26.360 --> 01:04:31.240
You know, I mean, that's where I was love you girl. I'm gonna like go at it with her, you know

827
01:04:31.480 --> 01:04:37.320
We're gonna have this out face-to-face, I mean a heck with it, you know, and but that's where I was at, you know

828
01:04:37.320 --> 01:04:39.320
and and then finally

829
01:04:40.400 --> 01:04:45.120
He this gentleman called me up very good friend in Atlanta. He's like I need some help

830
01:04:45.680 --> 01:04:51.000
Yeah, you know and I'm like, okay and and I said what is God telling you that he wants to be for you right now

831
01:04:51.000 --> 01:04:53.000
in this situation and

832
01:04:53.040 --> 01:04:56.360
He pray he goes my defender and I want oh crap

833
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.540
Well, I got to hold this and that tension at the same time, Lord.

834
01:05:03.540 --> 01:05:06.520
I mean, you had to say, well, God told me to reach out to you.

835
01:05:06.520 --> 01:05:08.060
I'm like, thanks God.

836
01:05:08.420 --> 01:05:09.160
Here we go.

837
01:05:10.160 --> 01:05:10.800
Yeah.

838
01:05:12.080 --> 01:05:12.960
I love that.

839
01:05:12.960 --> 01:05:16.680
Like, I feel like you're helping so many of the women that are going to hear this

840
01:05:16.680 --> 01:05:26.240
get breakthrough and, and, and understand like ladies, you know, be open to receive

841
01:05:26.240 --> 01:05:32.880
what God wants to heal in you and listen, like Sarah shell has been in this phase

842
01:05:32.880 --> 01:05:34.800
with me for a while now, right?

843
01:05:35.880 --> 01:05:39.560
You know, and I, I, I imagine there were probably, I mean, here's the thing,

844
01:05:39.560 --> 01:05:43.840
ladies, I'm aware that there are things that I'm going to say that

845
01:05:43.840 --> 01:05:46.080
are going to hit you the wrong way.

846
01:05:46.700 --> 01:05:51.840
And the reason I can say that is because I have been in that seat that you're at.

847
01:05:53.440 --> 01:05:54.480
I'm no different.

848
01:05:55.360 --> 01:06:05.120
I too get offended with coaching and wisdom and this, like, I, I, I had it too.

849
01:06:06.120 --> 01:06:09.780
I know, like, and trust me and I've had to even grow in my own coaching because

850
01:06:09.780 --> 01:06:16.160
there's been times where I've wanted to hold back because I'm afraid, I don't

851
01:06:16.160 --> 01:06:22.560
want them to be upset with me and God's like Carla, but this is part of the

852
01:06:22.560 --> 01:06:24.040
growing process.

853
01:06:25.000 --> 01:06:29.720
I put you in this position because you know how this goes.

854
01:06:30.640 --> 01:06:34.320
I've given you the grace to be able to step into that.

855
01:06:34.560 --> 01:06:39.560
And so y'all like you are like, I'm going to give you all permission to get offended

856
01:06:39.560 --> 01:06:39.960
with me.

857
01:06:42.400 --> 01:06:47.080
You can, I am not going to look at you any differently.

858
01:06:47.800 --> 01:06:52.160
You can be completely honest with me if I ever offend you.

859
01:06:53.280 --> 01:07:03.920
And no, my heart is never to offend you ever because I have been in your seat.

860
01:07:05.560 --> 01:07:06.480
I've been there.

861
01:07:08.640 --> 01:07:21.040
Like there's nothing that you can say to me that I'm going to not hold a safe

862
01:07:21.040 --> 01:07:21.760
space for.

863
01:07:23.560 --> 01:07:24.960
That's just not my heart.

864
01:07:25.320 --> 01:07:28.000
I wouldn't be in this position.

865
01:07:28.040 --> 01:07:35.320
I wouldn't have humbled myself and accepted this role because I do.

866
01:07:35.320 --> 01:07:38.240
I looked at this as like, this doesn't work for me.

867
01:07:39.440 --> 01:07:44.040
This really truly is a gift.

868
01:07:45.040 --> 01:07:53.040
This is what, I mean, I look, I wake up and I'm like, I get to walk through

869
01:07:53.520 --> 01:07:55.720
love stories with people.

870
01:07:55.760 --> 01:07:57.800
Like I got invited to do that.

871
01:07:57.800 --> 01:08:02.600
Like Jackie, I didn't get kicked out when I got married.

872
01:08:02.600 --> 01:08:03.760
Like this is amazing.

873
01:08:04.080 --> 01:08:07.840
Like I get to be part of that process with you all.

874
01:08:07.840 --> 01:08:12.960
Like that's an honor and a privilege and I will never take that for granted.

875
01:08:13.400 --> 01:08:19.720
So always understand, like if there is something that I have said that has been

876
01:08:19.720 --> 01:08:27.880
offensive, you most certainly can be real raw and honest with me and we'll work

877
01:08:27.880 --> 01:08:28.760
through it together.

878
01:08:29.880 --> 01:08:30.960
100%.

879
01:08:31.279 --> 01:08:34.760
And I just, I thank you for, for this Sarah shot.

880
01:08:34.760 --> 01:08:36.920
Like I just really appreciate that.

881
01:08:36.920 --> 01:08:45.200
Like, I think that is, that's bring, brought me a blessing today by you sharing

882
01:08:45.200 --> 01:08:50.840
this and like, I just, I thank you for that.

883
01:08:51.080 --> 01:08:56.880
Like, I feel like maybe I needed this and I hope you all needed it too.

884
01:08:57.080 --> 01:08:59.520
So I hope we all gotten something out of this.

885
01:08:59.880 --> 01:09:05.600
Um, you know, cause again, it just, it reminds me of like, ladies, this

886
01:09:05.600 --> 01:09:10.520
process, the promise that God gives us is all part of a, like a process.

887
01:09:11.600 --> 01:09:16.399
And you know, I want this, you know, I'm reminded of, and I don't, did you

888
01:09:16.399 --> 01:09:17.960
listen to supernatural Saturday?

889
01:09:18.479 --> 01:09:18.979
Yeah.

890
01:09:19.920 --> 01:09:23.520
And Jackie talked a lot about heartwork, didn't she?

891
01:09:24.479 --> 01:09:30.120
Y'all, if you haven't listened to that, go listen to that because sometimes I

892
01:09:30.120 --> 01:09:31.680
feel like I'm beating a dead horse in here.

893
01:09:31.680 --> 01:09:36.760
Sometimes people, I'm like, they don't want to hear all the heartwork stuff.

894
01:09:37.359 --> 01:09:41.319
They just want to be told like what to do about this dating situation.

895
01:09:42.840 --> 01:09:45.560
And sometimes like I'll get in my head and be like, they just want

896
01:09:45.560 --> 01:09:46.600
me to give them an answer.

897
01:09:46.600 --> 01:09:49.640
They don't, they don't want me to tell them like how to heartwork it.

898
01:09:50.680 --> 01:09:51.120
I do.

899
01:09:51.120 --> 01:09:56.600
I sometimes, I, I, I self-consciously sometimes worry, like maybe that's

900
01:09:56.600 --> 01:09:58.040
not what you guys want from me.

901
01:09:59.680 --> 01:10:00.160
That's.

902
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.400
the world speaks. Yeah, that's outside of the kingdom. And in

903
01:10:04.400 --> 01:10:09.920
the kingdom it is. And this and y'all like this just reminds us

904
01:10:09.960 --> 01:10:15.480
heartwork is the foundation of last year single y'all. So if

905
01:10:15.480 --> 01:10:18.680
you've just come out of phase one, and you know, I know a lot

906
01:10:18.680 --> 01:10:20.520
of people come out of phase one, they're like, I want to go back

907
01:10:20.520 --> 01:10:24.200
to heartwork. I don't want to do the dating thing. I want to

908
01:10:24.200 --> 01:10:27.960
encourage you like the hard work doesn't go away. And it won't it

909
01:10:28.680 --> 01:10:33.320
won't go away. I'm sitting here doing heartwork and marriage. I

910
01:10:33.320 --> 01:10:38.720
mean, we always need an upgrade. We don't get that full upgrade

911
01:10:38.720 --> 01:10:43.880
until we're on that side of heaven. Like, so I mean,

912
01:10:43.920 --> 01:10:47.720
heartwork is is where the foundation is. And it's in it's

913
01:10:47.720 --> 01:10:51.240
really it's that supernatural surrender and laying it all at

914
01:10:51.280 --> 01:10:55.960
Jesus's feet and just saying, Lord, like, you're on the

915
01:10:55.960 --> 01:11:05.040
throne. Your kingdom come, your will be done, not my will. Help

916
01:11:05.040 --> 01:11:10.040
me step into the identity that you have blessed me with that is

917
01:11:10.040 --> 01:11:16.080
in your perfect image, God. Thank you. Thank you for that,

918
01:11:16.080 --> 01:11:23.440
Lord. Like, y'all, like, I just, I'm so thankful for, for this

919
01:11:23.520 --> 01:11:26.960
opportunity that we had today. Like, I just found this, like,

920
01:11:27.240 --> 01:11:31.760
thank you. Thank you all for being here. This is so powerful.

921
01:11:32.280 --> 01:11:35.200
Go back to that heartwork. Listen to Supernatural Saturday,

922
01:11:35.200 --> 01:11:39.200
go back and, you know, ask the Lord, Lord, you know, you're

923
01:11:39.200 --> 01:11:43.800
continuing to always want to heal something in me, show me,

924
01:11:44.160 --> 01:11:52.000
teach me, grow me, heal me, show me. Okay, we haven't arrived.

925
01:11:53.480 --> 01:11:55.840
Mary, y'all gonna get married. And that's not even your

926
01:11:55.840 --> 01:12:02.960
arrival. Y'all realize that? It's just the start. Y'all. All

927
01:12:02.960 --> 01:12:06.240
right. I want to I want to open the door for questions. And I

928
01:12:06.240 --> 01:12:10.400
know I'm going over. So that's on me. I'm going to leave us 30

929
01:12:10.400 --> 01:12:15.800
minutes. I'm going to maybe I'll dive back into more of this next

930
01:12:15.800 --> 01:12:19.280
week. And we can pick up where we left off, and kind of go into

931
01:12:19.280 --> 01:12:22.600
the divine feminine with the counselor, the wise meet the

932
01:12:22.600 --> 01:12:26.080
potential receptiveness, and kind of all of that. I'll look

933
01:12:26.120 --> 01:12:31.280
over my notes. But I do want to open it up for questions. I know

934
01:12:31.280 --> 01:12:39.440
Laura's got her hand up. Activation is going to be just

935
01:12:39.440 --> 01:12:43.720
stepping into our divine feminine. All right, is going to

936
01:12:43.720 --> 01:12:48.200
be, you know, I really want you ladies to start celebrating what

937
01:12:48.200 --> 01:12:54.760
that looks like. And I want you to, to step in a way that it's

938
01:12:54.760 --> 01:13:01.040
visible. It's intentional, it's fun. And so that we can kind of

939
01:13:01.040 --> 01:13:03.520
learn and grow together and inspire each other and that

940
01:13:03.520 --> 01:13:08.800
divine feminine. So while you're in public this week, I want you

941
01:13:08.800 --> 01:13:14.240
to smile. I want you to be open to receiving. I want you to be

942
01:13:14.240 --> 01:13:18.480
open to receiving help and kindness and compliments. I want

943
01:13:18.480 --> 01:13:23.360
you to practice pausing before reacting. I want you to practice

944
01:13:23.360 --> 01:13:25.480
saying thank you when people give you compliments and not

945
01:13:25.480 --> 01:13:35.440
minimizing yourself. Okay, maybe dress in some feminine, flowy,

946
01:13:35.440 --> 01:13:41.960
colorful things. Here in Texas, it's getting hotter. Y'all like

947
01:13:42.160 --> 01:13:44.880
that's when I gotta I gotta get the skirts and the dresses

948
01:13:44.880 --> 01:13:51.760
because I got feel breeze. Y'all feel breeze. Um, maybe add some

949
01:13:51.800 --> 01:13:56.120
accessories like revamp your look, especially if you can jump

950
01:13:56.160 --> 01:13:59.480
in tonight to that special session with Jackie and she's

951
01:13:59.480 --> 01:14:05.160
gonna do that makeover revamp your look this week. Okay. And

952
01:14:05.160 --> 01:14:10.720
so if you're able to go to that, definitely do that. I'd be I'd

953
01:14:10.720 --> 01:14:16.520
like to hear like how, how your week is with with stepping into

954
01:14:16.520 --> 01:14:22.360
this stuff. Maybe, you know, post a photo or a little

955
01:14:22.360 --> 01:14:26.720
reflection, kind of showing us how you stepped into that divine

956
01:14:26.720 --> 01:14:32.040
feminine. So maybe you get a new outfit, a new hairstyle, maybe

957
01:14:32.080 --> 01:14:38.080
Jackie teaches you a new makeup look. Something that helps you

958
01:14:38.080 --> 01:14:44.000
align in the confidence of who God's created you to be. Maybe

959
01:14:44.000 --> 01:14:47.920
it's a small change in your heart posture, and how that's

960
01:14:47.920 --> 01:14:52.200
impacted you this week, or something that you've done that

961
01:14:52.240 --> 01:14:59.160
was, you know, playful or fun. Or something that you just did in

962
01:14:59.160 --> 01:15:00.120
complete confidence.

963
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:12.840
so just share that. Eloise, it's going to be in the app, under the events tab, under the calendar,

964
01:15:12.840 --> 01:15:21.080
just like you got here under this Zoom for this call, there is a link to that call tonight,

965
01:15:21.080 --> 01:15:29.560
okay? So I want, I will post this activation in the group as well, but I do want to take

966
01:15:29.560 --> 01:15:37.960
questions. So I will go until, I'm going to do a hard stop at a quarter till, so I'm going to,

967
01:15:37.960 --> 01:15:45.040
I'm going to just go ahead and extend us 15 minutes, but I will hard stop, okay? Because

968
01:15:45.040 --> 01:15:52.840
I do want to start being mindful of the time, but because Holy Spirit kind of led us today,

969
01:15:52.840 --> 01:16:00.960
I don't want to cut our group coaching short. So if you have a question, definitely raise your

970
01:16:00.960 --> 01:16:06.760
hand. I got Laura, I got Cynthia. Please just help us make it short, brief, and powerful,

971
01:16:06.760 --> 01:16:16.320
so that we can get through any and everyone that wants to cover their questions. And yeah,

972
01:16:16.320 --> 01:16:23.680
sound good? All right, Laura, how are you? I know I responded to you. I might need a little

973
01:16:23.680 --> 01:16:29.120
refresher, but I can always pull that up in our app too. But what is your question?

974
01:16:29.120 --> 01:16:39.400
Yeah, I appreciate your response about being curious and not just kind of like,

975
01:16:39.400 --> 01:16:44.520
kind of spelling it out for him, like what I need and like being super demanding or whatever.

976
01:16:44.520 --> 01:16:53.840
Yeah, so I'm going to like, figure out, like, review again, like multiple times,

977
01:16:53.840 --> 01:17:01.240
like your suggestions on what to say. And then like the next time I see him, like, yeah.

978
01:17:01.240 --> 01:17:07.240
And this is important. And I, and you know, Laura, I want to, I want to share this with you too,

979
01:17:07.240 --> 01:17:12.760
because this is what I shared on, I had a one-on-one call today with, with a client.

980
01:17:12.760 --> 01:17:18.880
And this is, this is my second time meeting with her. And I want, I shared this with,

981
01:17:18.880 --> 01:17:22.880
I shared this with her, but I want to share this with all of you. Y'all have permission to make

982
01:17:22.880 --> 01:17:28.960
mistakes. You're not going to get this stuff perfectly. I, I never did this stuff perfectly.

983
01:17:28.960 --> 01:17:35.360
Okay. I I'm sitting here giving y'all coaching on how to like navigate these interactions and

984
01:17:35.360 --> 01:17:44.000
these communication stuff. Y'all, I, I messed them up so frequently. So I don't ever want you

985
01:17:44.000 --> 01:17:50.080
all to carry that or feel like you have to hold back. Like I want you all to be real and honest

986
01:17:50.080 --> 01:17:57.040
in what you're going through and like how, like what you're struggling with. Like it's normal to

987
01:17:57.600 --> 01:18:05.040
need to put this stuff into practice. It's totally normal. Like y'all have gotten heartwork and it's,

988
01:18:05.040 --> 01:18:10.640
it's, it's different. It's different than the way you operated before. So it's going to feel

989
01:18:10.640 --> 01:18:17.920
different. It's going to look different. And I just want you all to, to make sure that you give

990
01:18:18.880 --> 01:18:28.080
yourself the grace and the space to, you know, Hey, I might need to go back and review this

991
01:18:29.200 --> 01:18:38.240
and that's okay. And you're not going to mess anything up. You can't, you really can't. Okay.

992
01:18:38.800 --> 01:18:47.840
Sure. And then also like, I still notice like, cause he's part of my rotary club and we had like

993
01:18:47.840 --> 01:18:55.040
a golf course tournament thing that we were like supporting yesterday. And I don't know. I just

994
01:18:55.040 --> 01:19:04.160
felt that cause another member of our club, his name is Greg and he has kind of been like

995
01:19:04.400 --> 01:19:06.640
has kind of been like instrumental and like,

996
01:19:09.360 --> 01:19:13.520
having way to like, reach out to me, like initially back in April to like start dating

997
01:19:13.520 --> 01:19:19.600
or whatever. And I just find that he kind of like encourages way to like come to different

998
01:19:19.600 --> 01:19:25.120
events and be there like at the same event that I'm like helping with. And I don't know why,

999
01:19:25.120 --> 01:19:34.080
but like, it's starting to bother me. And like, and even like when we are like at different

1000
01:19:34.080 --> 01:19:40.880
events, I don't know what my thing is, is that like, I tend to like, I mean, like I'll say hello

1001
01:19:40.880 --> 01:19:45.200
and I'll be cordial to him or whatever, but like, I'm not like super chummy or whatever. I don't

1002
01:19:45.200 --> 01:19:51.040
know if it's like my brain still going towards like protect mode or whatever. And just like

1003
01:19:51.040 --> 01:19:56.640
keeping him like separate and not wanting people like in our club to know that we're dating or

1004
01:19:56.640 --> 01:19:59.840
something, or I don't know. Like, it's like,

1005
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:06.440
It's kind of awkward, like, I'll see him and like, because I knew he was coming, like,

1006
01:20:06.440 --> 01:20:10.240
before, like, he even got there yesterday, because this was Wade, right?

1007
01:20:10.240 --> 01:20:11.240
Not Greg.

1008
01:20:11.240 --> 01:20:17.320
Yeah, well, Greg was, like, me and this other lady.

1009
01:20:17.320 --> 01:20:22.320
We were like, because Greg asked us at our meeting last week, if we could help with this

1010
01:20:22.320 --> 01:20:26.440
putting like contest thing or whatever at this event yesterday.

1011
01:20:26.440 --> 01:20:28.120
And then I get there.

1012
01:20:28.120 --> 01:20:33.000
And I find out once I'm there, Wade wasn't there yet, but like, either this other lady

1013
01:20:33.000 --> 01:20:38.440
Marlene or Greg had mentioned like, oh, yeah, Wade's gonna be coming soon or whatever.

1014
01:20:38.440 --> 01:20:44.840
And like, my mind immediately went to like, oh, like, him, like just continually trying

1015
01:20:44.840 --> 01:20:47.640
to like, put us together.

1016
01:20:47.640 --> 01:20:48.640
I don't know.

1017
01:20:48.640 --> 01:20:53.240
It's just like, my mind went to like, I don't know, just being kind of like annoyed or whatever.

1018
01:20:53.240 --> 01:20:55.000
I don't know.

1019
01:20:55.000 --> 01:21:04.960
So what I want to ask, let's, let's really start, um, let's, let's unpack this a little

1020
01:21:04.960 --> 01:21:05.960
bit.

1021
01:21:05.960 --> 01:21:06.960
Okay.

1022
01:21:06.960 --> 01:21:07.960
And I know we don't have a whole lot of time.

1023
01:21:07.960 --> 01:21:13.520
So we're just gonna, we're gonna start small here.

1024
01:21:13.520 --> 01:21:23.000
When you think about the annoyance and stuff, I like what, what is the, is there a fear

1025
01:21:23.000 --> 01:21:26.200
or an anxious thought that kind of surfaces?

1026
01:21:26.200 --> 01:21:29.800
Like what, what makes it uncomfortable?

1027
01:21:29.800 --> 01:21:37.440
What is, can you, can you pick out a fear, like a discomfort, like what you're worried

1028
01:21:37.440 --> 01:21:39.520
about?

1029
01:21:39.520 --> 01:21:46.000
Is there anything that kind of comes to the surface?

1030
01:21:46.000 --> 01:21:51.600
Or does it feel similar to something else from your past?

1031
01:21:51.600 --> 01:22:10.040
Yeah, I've been trying to like, think about that, um, but.

1032
01:22:10.040 --> 01:22:12.840
Is it, is it there?

1033
01:22:12.840 --> 01:22:19.840
And is there a fear to even want to have to go back and relive it?

1034
01:22:19.840 --> 01:22:26.960
Well, maybe like something that just popped in my head right now is like, maybe like,

1035
01:22:26.960 --> 01:22:27.960
I don't know.

1036
01:22:27.960 --> 01:22:34.360
I'm thinking like five miles down the road or whatever that like, if like eventually

1037
01:22:34.360 --> 01:22:38.600
like I decide that things aren't working out between him and me and like, I just like,

1038
01:22:38.600 --> 01:22:42.840
maybe like, yeah, I mean, we'll, we'll still be part of the same club or whatever, which

1039
01:22:42.840 --> 01:22:45.360
to me, that sounds super awkward then too or whatever.

1040
01:22:45.360 --> 01:22:54.240
But um, there's a bit of uncertainty there that, um, that like this other person like

1041
01:22:54.240 --> 01:22:56.480
keeps like bringing us together or whatever.

1042
01:22:56.480 --> 01:23:05.800
And that like, I don't know, like maybe like, um, even though like in my like mind, I'm

1043
01:23:05.800 --> 01:23:11.400
like, I don't really care, like whether Greg gets upset or whatever, like, like we like

1044
01:23:11.400 --> 01:23:15.320
go our separate ways or we're like, we're not like dating anymore or like the relationship

1045
01:23:15.320 --> 01:23:21.920
doesn't continue in that romantic way or whatever, but maybe like to some degree, like I'm concerned

1046
01:23:21.920 --> 01:23:24.600
about like how other people like see it.

1047
01:23:24.600 --> 01:23:25.600
Okay.

1048
01:23:25.600 --> 01:23:34.040
So you're, so there's some fear of, do you think there's like a fear of judgment or maybe

1049
01:23:34.040 --> 01:23:39.960
like expectations that like, yeah, like he sees like this relationship like blooming

1050
01:23:39.960 --> 01:23:45.680
and, um, yeah, that, um, so that expectations aren't met.

1051
01:23:45.680 --> 01:23:50.920
Are you worried that you're not going to meet expectations or are you worried that you're

1052
01:23:50.920 --> 01:23:54.560
not going to meet other people's expectations or both?

1053
01:23:55.560 --> 01:24:07.040
Well, and sometimes like I get concerned that, um, that Wade seems like super, like, I don't

1054
01:24:07.040 --> 01:24:11.520
know, like, which, I mean, I do enjoy like talking to him and seeing him or whatever,

1055
01:24:11.520 --> 01:24:18.400
but sometimes like, I'm not sure if I'm like as much into him as he is into me, I don't

1056
01:24:18.400 --> 01:24:19.400
know.

1057
01:24:19.400 --> 01:24:22.240
And like, I'm always afraid like of hurting people's feelings.

1058
01:24:22.400 --> 01:24:27.840
So like, that's something that's probably more, it's probably leaning more heavy that

1059
01:24:27.840 --> 01:24:31.440
you're afraid to let him down.

1060
01:24:31.440 --> 01:24:33.760
You're afraid of hurting him.

1061
01:24:33.760 --> 01:24:40.160
Well, I know my, my thoughts go to that.

1062
01:24:40.160 --> 01:24:49.240
Like when, like, I think periodically of like, um, then I'm not sure if like, well, even

1063
01:24:49.240 --> 01:24:55.760
like, cause like, I think I mentioned last week or whatever that like, in my mind, I

1064
01:24:55.760 --> 01:25:00.040
would be really surprised if it, like, if he is the one, whatever it'd be.

1065
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.240
Like he's the first guy that I've dated since like the early 90s or whatever.

1066
01:25:03.880 --> 01:25:13.680
So, um, but then that could also be like, just my mind, just trying to like push

1067
01:25:13.680 --> 01:25:14.200
him away.

1068
01:25:14.200 --> 01:25:18.120
Cause, um, I still am working through like the fear of getting hurt again in

1069
01:25:18.120 --> 01:25:22.080
relationship, which I know like, even in just like friendship with like other

1070
01:25:22.080 --> 01:25:24.600
girlfriends or whatever, there's always that risk or whatever.

1071
01:25:24.600 --> 01:25:25.360
So, um,

1072
01:25:27.160 --> 01:25:27.960
yes.

1073
01:25:28.920 --> 01:25:36.720
So what I'm hearing, what I'm hearing is there is you're struggling

1074
01:25:36.720 --> 01:25:38.200
with having some confidence.

1075
01:25:40.560 --> 01:25:45.880
Like there's some uncertainty, like this clarity of what this would look like.

1076
01:25:46.320 --> 01:25:47.840
Does that resonate?

1077
01:25:49.360 --> 01:25:51.400
Like, yeah, I think so.

1078
01:25:51.440 --> 01:25:51.880
Yeah.

1079
01:25:52.160 --> 01:25:56.800
And you kind of, you're like, cause there's also like, when you say like, I

1080
01:25:56.800 --> 01:25:58.400
would be surprised if he's the one.

1081
01:26:00.160 --> 01:26:08.760
If someone is confident in who they are, would it surprise them that someone

1082
01:26:08.760 --> 01:26:19.600
would want to choose them or that they were chosen to, to be connected to that

1083
01:26:19.600 --> 01:26:20.040
person?

1084
01:26:23.440 --> 01:26:24.120
No.

1085
01:26:24.880 --> 01:26:29.440
So you see how that kind of goes into some of that confidence.

1086
01:26:31.040 --> 01:26:35.320
So when I hear you say like, I would be surprised if he is, that's showing me

1087
01:26:35.320 --> 01:26:39.160
that you're not quite sure you believe it yet.

1088
01:26:40.880 --> 01:26:46.360
So I want you to spend some time this week with Holy spirit.

1089
01:26:47.000 --> 01:26:52.600
And if you can, you know, post, I mean, this is going to stretch you with some

1090
01:26:52.600 --> 01:27:00.800
vulnerability here in the, in the group to unpack some of that vulnerability

1091
01:27:00.880 --> 01:27:13.360
with what is it that you are still struggling with believing God for, you

1092
01:27:13.360 --> 01:27:21.360
know, Jackie often talks about, you know if we don't fully believe it, are we

1093
01:27:21.360 --> 01:27:25.680
going to like, she kind of talks about, you know, our actions will show whether

1094
01:27:25.680 --> 01:27:26.880
or not we believe it or not.

1095
01:27:28.560 --> 01:27:33.560
And sometimes if we, we might say we do, but we still are kind of holding back

1096
01:27:33.560 --> 01:27:38.520
some because we're not quite sure we believe it quite yet.

1097
01:27:41.440 --> 01:27:42.040
Right.

1098
01:27:42.360 --> 01:27:44.680
So I want you to spend some time with that.

1099
01:27:44.720 --> 01:27:48.160
And again, like it's okay to get honest.

1100
01:27:48.720 --> 01:27:57.680
And in that honesty, allow Holy spirit to just spend time revealing an area that,

1101
01:27:57.680 --> 01:27:58.960
you know, he wants to heal.

1102
01:27:59.280 --> 01:28:03.040
Cause I've heard you say a couple of times, you know, like this fear of getting

1103
01:28:03.040 --> 01:28:03.880
hurt again.

1104
01:28:05.600 --> 01:28:13.000
And so I want to see if like, is there something there that this situation with

1105
01:28:13.040 --> 01:28:21.320
situation with Wade and Greg and all that is not kind of pointing you and

1106
01:28:21.320 --> 01:28:25.120
directing you towards to kind of look at.

1107
01:28:27.080 --> 01:28:32.200
And so it's not about just, it's not about having to have the answer of what this is

1108
01:28:32.200 --> 01:28:33.520
going to look like in the future.

1109
01:28:33.520 --> 01:28:36.520
It's not about whether or not, you know, Wade is your person or not.

1110
01:28:37.200 --> 01:28:39.080
It's not about having the clarity of that.

1111
01:28:40.080 --> 01:28:52.080
It's about Lord, what is it that you want to do in my heart in this moment and spend

1112
01:28:52.080 --> 01:28:54.560
time with him and share with us?

1113
01:28:54.560 --> 01:28:57.760
Like, what does that look like?

1114
01:28:58.600 --> 01:29:06.760
What, what is, what is the scary thing to confess?

1115
01:29:09.440 --> 01:29:13.320
You know, when we confess with a mouth, like that's when we can get some, some

1116
01:29:13.360 --> 01:29:17.920
really deep healing and I am not, ladies, and I say this, I mean, I say this to all

1117
01:29:17.920 --> 01:29:26.680
of you and I say this to myself, like I'm in a season myself of having to really get

1118
01:29:26.680 --> 01:29:35.920
honest and confess out loud, get really vulnerable with people and let people in

1119
01:29:36.200 --> 01:29:45.000
to know a part of where my hurt was and what I'm still believing or not believing

1120
01:29:45.000 --> 01:29:51.280
for so that God can come in and replace it with truth.

1121
01:29:52.280 --> 01:29:58.000
But he can't replace the, he can't replace it with truth if we're not really

1122
01:29:58.000 --> 01:30:04.320
honest with ourselves and we're not, we're not, we're not, we're not, we're not

1123
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.280
ready to confess it and put it out in the light it stays in the dark it stays

1124
01:30:06.280 --> 01:30:10.960
in the dark you can't put it but once you expose it to the light guess what

1125
01:30:10.960 --> 01:30:16.400
the light shines on it and the truth gets put on it

1126
01:30:17.840 --> 01:30:24.240
so I know that's a heavy I know that's heavy Laura okay you probably were not

1127
01:30:24.240 --> 01:30:30.400
anticipating that kind of coaching response so I want you to sit with it I

1128
01:30:30.400 --> 01:30:37.320
want you you know really process through that really allow yours allow yourself

1129
01:30:37.320 --> 01:30:43.560
some space you know I want you to spend some time give yourself grace this week

1130
01:30:43.560 --> 01:30:48.840
and allow yourself to have some some space and some time with with you and

1131
01:30:48.840 --> 01:30:53.240
the Lord this week whatever that looks like for you whatever he leads and

1132
01:30:53.240 --> 01:30:59.040
prompts you with what is a way that you feel that you just cherish the most

1133
01:30:59.040 --> 01:31:06.640
when you spend one on one on one time with the Lord I want to encourage you to

1134
01:31:06.640 --> 01:31:13.840
do that this week and then you know I don't know if you journal but if you do

1135
01:31:13.840 --> 01:31:17.600
if you want to journal kind of however it is that you kind of unpack and

1136
01:31:17.600 --> 01:31:24.160
process things with Holy Spirit and then share share that when you feel

1137
01:31:24.160 --> 01:31:31.560
confident and ready but I I believe that that that piece of vulnerability and

1138
01:31:31.560 --> 01:31:41.600
that confession is going to help lead to some breakthrough okay okay okay we love

1139
01:31:41.600 --> 01:31:48.080
you thank you you're welcome all right I got Cynthia so Cynthia we've

1140
01:31:48.080 --> 01:31:52.640
got like about 10 minutes here do I have anybody else that has any questions I

1141
01:31:52.640 --> 01:31:59.080
don't I don't want to leave anyone out but I do need a hard stop at 1 145 well

1142
01:31:59.080 --> 01:32:06.320
it's 245 Eastern is that everybody okay Cynthia how are you

1143
01:32:06.320 --> 01:32:13.600
hi there you've got a little bit of a different situation yeah correct see

1144
01:32:13.600 --> 01:32:19.760
yeah you joined last year single and you've been in a long-term relationship

1145
01:32:19.760 --> 01:32:27.360
but you've joined because there's some some hesitancy so so this is gonna look

1146
01:32:27.360 --> 01:32:31.360
different ladies so if you're listening and you haven't seen her post which she

1147
01:32:31.360 --> 01:32:34.960
has this beautiful picture of her in this and you'll have to remind me of his

1148
01:32:34.960 --> 01:32:46.000
name yes and so yeah and you guys don't live in the same country no so I'm

1149
01:32:46.000 --> 01:32:51.120
originally from the UK but I've lived most of my life in Germany and he's back

1150
01:32:51.120 --> 01:33:01.280
in the UK okay yeah I've actually known him for 35 years it was we had a brief

1151
01:33:01.280 --> 01:33:05.200
relationship and we were students and then and kind of sporadically we stayed

1152
01:33:05.200 --> 01:33:12.960
in touch but not very closely but we did stay in touch yeah and then

1153
01:33:15.680 --> 01:33:21.880
and he actually found Jackie online and thought because I was having struggles

1154
01:33:21.880 --> 01:33:30.000
he said maybe this will help you maybe maybe great yeah I'll give it a try

1155
01:33:30.480 --> 01:33:36.400
and it's been a huge blessing to me so I'm really grateful and so much in the relationship

1156
01:33:36.400 --> 01:33:42.400
has been a huge blessing to me oh good he prays and he's pleasantly powerful

1157
01:33:42.400 --> 01:33:48.000
and so I've experienced a lot in that too but yeah so my questions I saw actually just before

1158
01:33:48.000 --> 01:33:54.640
I came on that you had replied and you'd given me some questions to think about so thank you

1159
01:33:54.640 --> 01:34:02.800
for that I haven't had I've kind of skimmed them as I will do that but my question today

1160
01:34:04.400 --> 01:34:15.040
really is it's just simply the two things first of all so I we get on really well together

1161
01:34:15.040 --> 01:34:20.960
we have a lot in common we're very good friends I find him physically attractive he makes me laugh

1162
01:34:21.040 --> 01:34:25.280
I appreciate his relationship with God he always has good ideas of what we can do

1163
01:34:25.280 --> 01:34:28.640
I always look forward to spending time with him and I enjoy the times together

1164
01:34:28.640 --> 01:34:33.440
but I don't particularly miss him when we're not together he really misses me but I don't

1165
01:34:33.440 --> 01:34:38.880
particularly miss him and so my first question is is that an indication that I don't love him

1166
01:34:39.600 --> 01:34:43.280
because my friends when they said that like what you don't miss him oh there must be something

1167
01:34:43.280 --> 01:34:47.680
wrong but I know that many people aren't here because I've fallen in love so many times where

1168
01:34:47.680 --> 01:34:56.320
it's been much more kind of thinking about them all the time and but I know often on here people

1169
01:34:56.320 --> 01:34:59.920
say yeah no it doesn't have to be like that and chemistry actually isn't those things

1170
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.160
fireworks, it's much more kind of quiet. And so I thought, okay,

1171
01:35:03.160 --> 01:35:05.520
well, maybe it's actually normal, or not normal, but maybe

1172
01:35:05.520 --> 01:35:08.880
it's okay. Maybe it doesn't have to be that way. And so that

1173
01:35:08.880 --> 01:35:11.720
that was kind of like, first question. And the other

1174
01:35:11.720 --> 01:35:16.920
question is, so I had, you know, my parents had this disastrous

1175
01:35:16.920 --> 01:35:20.400
marriage, my dad was a very violent man. And my mom had lots

1176
01:35:20.400 --> 01:35:25.200
of mental health issues, and was extremely unhappy. And I spent

1177
01:35:25.200 --> 01:35:28.480
my childhood, and not just my childhood, all my life in big,

1178
01:35:28.480 --> 01:35:32.280
big self rejection. So this divine feminine is, is I really

1179
01:35:32.280 --> 01:35:36.400
need that. And it's I am actually quite feminine. But I

1180
01:35:36.400 --> 01:35:42.880
do like to stay in control. I yeah, I find it really hard to

1181
01:35:42.960 --> 01:35:47.120
and I think that also, that he struggles with that. And that's

1182
01:35:47.120 --> 01:35:50.800
something he had is in his marriage. So he was married once

1183
01:35:50.800 --> 01:35:57.200
before his wife divorced him. And that's so but I said in my

1184
01:35:57.200 --> 01:36:00.520
post, he does have some triggers. I definitely have to

1185
01:36:00.520 --> 01:36:05.280
say, and I'm still working on the hard work. He also I've

1186
01:36:05.280 --> 01:36:07.920
realized that not all of it's me, but sometimes he has

1187
01:36:07.920 --> 01:36:13.680
triggers. And I then worry about but then I think, is it

1188
01:36:13.760 --> 01:36:16.760
unreasonable to think that somebody would not have any

1189
01:36:16.760 --> 01:36:19.120
triggers? Because he

1190
01:36:19.120 --> 01:36:22.920
know, you know, we all have blind spots, or we all have

1191
01:36:22.920 --> 01:36:25.680
yellow flags. We all have yellow flags, we all have little blind

1192
01:36:25.680 --> 01:36:29.880
spots. We all have triggers. Because we all live in a cursed

1193
01:36:29.880 --> 01:36:34.160
world. We've all experienced hurt trauma, like we're, we're

1194
01:36:34.160 --> 01:36:40.240
not immune from any of that. Yeah, so it's, it is common. And

1195
01:36:40.240 --> 01:36:43.440
it's, it's learning. I mean, that's kind of that whole

1196
01:36:43.480 --> 01:36:48.400
refining process. And then that relationship and that, and, you

1197
01:36:48.400 --> 01:36:52.880
know, I believe in, you know, I've heard several people share

1198
01:36:52.880 --> 01:36:57.320
like, marriage is as a sanctification. It's a growing

1199
01:36:57.320 --> 01:36:58.240
and it's a mature

1200
01:36:58.280 --> 01:37:01.480
I can see that already now just after two years of this

1201
01:37:01.480 --> 01:37:02.080
relationship.

1202
01:37:03.120 --> 01:37:07.360
I mean, because you you really, y'all you get ready to really

1203
01:37:07.360 --> 01:37:12.280
die to self. You know, and that and like, again, we kind of

1204
01:37:12.280 --> 01:37:16.160
talked about that earlier to that, you know, that submission

1205
01:37:16.160 --> 01:37:19.240
piece and that surrendering and that, you know, you sacrifice

1206
01:37:19.240 --> 01:37:22.240
like, sometimes you you are going to put the needs of

1207
01:37:22.240 --> 01:37:26.640
someone else above yours, not because you don't find yourself

1208
01:37:26.640 --> 01:37:29.800
worthy and valuable, but it's because the lot like, because

1209
01:37:29.800 --> 01:37:35.200
you trust that the Lord has you and you've joined this covenant

1210
01:37:35.200 --> 01:37:41.560
and you put God at the center of that. And so he's not going to,

1211
01:37:42.720 --> 01:37:47.600
he's not going to set you in a position that's gonna, that's

1212
01:37:47.600 --> 01:37:53.120
gonna not set you up to be in alignment with with him. Like,

1213
01:37:53.120 --> 01:37:57.640
that's just not God's nature. So but we live in a cursed world.

1214
01:37:58.400 --> 01:38:05.280
We've all experienced hurt. We all struggle with sin. We all

1215
01:38:05.280 --> 01:38:10.120
have that stuff. We all have those areas. And so um, it's

1216
01:38:10.120 --> 01:38:10.720
not

1217
01:38:10.720 --> 01:38:16.520
you know, between an unhealthy guy, and just somebody who has

1218
01:38:16.520 --> 01:38:19.280
triggers, we all do what we're kind of

1219
01:38:21.760 --> 01:38:27.200
this is very, you know, you, you, you've spent some time with

1220
01:38:27.200 --> 01:38:29.360
I mean, you guys have been together for two years. And it's,

1221
01:38:29.680 --> 01:38:35.960
and again, like, even in marriage, like, my husband was

1222
01:38:36.040 --> 01:38:46.360
open and teachable. And I saw, I saw evidence of that, before we

1223
01:38:46.360 --> 01:38:50.200
got married. And then when we've been married, and he had that

1224
01:38:50.200 --> 01:38:54.960
evidence in me, but then we both have struggles still. And so

1225
01:38:55.280 --> 01:39:00.360
we've had to kind of grow in that. And so my husband is, is

1226
01:39:00.360 --> 01:39:05.320
open and is teachable. But he sometimes steps into his

1227
01:39:05.320 --> 01:39:09.240
triggers of defensiveness from his, his wounds from his

1228
01:39:09.240 --> 01:39:12.360
childhood, and, and what he was raised in, and he was in a

1229
01:39:12.360 --> 01:39:17.320
marriage, an 11 year marriage that was very, very toxic. And,

1230
01:39:17.360 --> 01:39:20.000
you know, his relationship with his mother, and then even his

1231
01:39:20.000 --> 01:39:25.040
father being separated, you know, and so there's a, there's

1232
01:39:25.040 --> 01:39:28.440
a growing there too. And there's sometimes a resistance that he's

1233
01:39:28.440 --> 01:39:35.280
had over the years. But there's still that commitment and that

1234
01:39:35.280 --> 01:39:44.680
dedication and that openness of, of, I can rely on him. He's

1235
01:39:44.720 --> 01:39:49.440
shown me that over time when we were dating and engaged, and

1236
01:39:49.440 --> 01:39:55.120
even in our marriage, like that, like, that's what you're like,

1237
01:39:55.120 --> 01:39:59.680
you that those are examples that you're looking for. Okay, you're

1238
01:39:59.680 --> 01:40:00.000
not

1239
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.520
looking for perfection, because you're not going to find it.

1240
01:40:03.520 --> 01:40:08.080
It's being able to extend grace while still working

1241
01:40:08.080 --> 01:40:09.880
on ourselves.

1242
01:40:09.880 --> 01:40:14.480
And like, again, it's surrendering to the Lord.

1243
01:40:14.480 --> 01:40:17.040
Like, I have to sometimes, like, I'm sitting here.

1244
01:40:17.040 --> 01:40:18.360
I'm going to be real with y'all.

1245
01:40:18.360 --> 01:40:21.240
I'll sit there and go to the Lord,

1246
01:40:21.240 --> 01:40:22.640
and I'll go pray for my husband.

1247
01:40:22.640 --> 01:40:26.560
And I'll be like, OK, Lord, this is what you need to do.

1248
01:40:26.560 --> 01:40:29.440
This is what you need to do with my husband.

1249
01:40:29.440 --> 01:40:31.600
You need to show him this.

1250
01:40:31.600 --> 01:40:32.760
You need to do this.

1251
01:40:32.760 --> 01:40:34.080
You need to do that.

1252
01:40:34.080 --> 01:40:35.560
He needs to learn this, God.

1253
01:40:35.560 --> 01:40:37.760
You need to direct him to start doing this.

1254
01:40:42.280 --> 01:40:47.200
And y'all, that's my stuff.

1255
01:40:47.200 --> 01:40:51.600
And you know, like, sometimes God's like, I got you.

1256
01:40:51.600 --> 01:40:53.040
I got you, my daughter.

1257
01:40:53.040 --> 01:40:54.000
I get it.

1258
01:40:54.000 --> 01:40:57.600
And he lets me sit in that, and he won't say a thing to me.

1259
01:40:57.600 --> 01:41:00.400
The Lord will just be like, OK, just you

1260
01:41:00.400 --> 01:41:03.720
can vent to me, my daughter.

1261
01:41:03.720 --> 01:41:07.440
And then sometimes he'll be like, OK,

1262
01:41:07.440 --> 01:41:09.400
I'm working on that with him.

1263
01:41:09.400 --> 01:41:10.880
But guess what?

1264
01:41:10.880 --> 01:41:14.280
You're his wife, but you're not his creator.

1265
01:41:14.280 --> 01:41:16.000
You're not his maker.

1266
01:41:16.000 --> 01:41:21.040
So Carla, I'm going to need you to trust me.

1267
01:41:21.040 --> 01:41:26.520
I'm going to need you to trust that I know what's best,

1268
01:41:26.520 --> 01:41:31.000
and I see the whole picture.

1269
01:41:31.000 --> 01:41:33.880
You only see part.

1270
01:41:33.880 --> 01:41:37.480
What I need from you, Carla, this

1271
01:41:37.480 --> 01:41:39.880
is what the Lord tells me, I need

1272
01:41:39.880 --> 01:41:47.560
you to just step in obedience to what I'm asking you to do.

1273
01:41:47.560 --> 01:41:49.600
Focus on you.

1274
01:41:49.600 --> 01:41:53.880
What is it that I'm calling you to work on?

1275
01:41:56.520 --> 01:41:59.760
And then I sit with that.

1276
01:41:59.760 --> 01:42:04.200
And then sometimes I pick it back up, and I'm like, Lord,

1277
01:42:04.200 --> 01:42:05.120
here he goes again.

1278
01:42:09.400 --> 01:42:13.040
I thought I saw some like, oh, Lord, look, you're showing up.

1279
01:42:13.040 --> 01:42:15.520
And then I'm like, what?

1280
01:42:15.520 --> 01:42:17.040
Here we go again.

1281
01:42:17.040 --> 01:42:20.120
He got triggered by something, and he just shut me down.

1282
01:42:20.120 --> 01:42:22.680
And I'm like, that didn't make me feel good.

1283
01:42:22.720 --> 01:42:28.120
And then God's like, you're right.

1284
01:42:28.120 --> 01:42:34.760
But I've shown you in time your husband's heart.

1285
01:42:34.760 --> 01:42:39.000
It's about the information that you've collected over time.

1286
01:42:39.000 --> 01:42:42.960
What does the consistency show you?

1287
01:42:42.960 --> 01:42:47.040
So ladies, for Cynthia, she's had some time with him.

1288
01:42:47.040 --> 01:42:50.200
Now, many of you that are going to be entering into dating,

1289
01:42:50.200 --> 01:42:53.800
you're only going to have very little information.

1290
01:42:53.800 --> 01:42:57.600
You're only going to have a couple dates or some exchanges

1291
01:42:57.600 --> 01:42:59.440
through a message.

1292
01:42:59.440 --> 01:43:02.440
You're not going to have all the details.

1293
01:43:02.440 --> 01:43:04.240
So it's going to be slightly different.

1294
01:43:04.240 --> 01:43:05.880
But this is for when you ladies do

1295
01:43:05.880 --> 01:43:09.240
step into more of an exclusive relationship.

1296
01:43:09.240 --> 01:43:13.000
I want you to recall this.

1297
01:43:13.000 --> 01:43:14.440
It is that surrender.

1298
01:43:14.440 --> 01:43:17.520
It is that supernatural just like, OK, Lord,

1299
01:43:17.520 --> 01:43:20.320
what have you shown me over time with this person?

1300
01:43:20.320 --> 01:43:25.520
How does he show up consistently?

1301
01:43:25.520 --> 01:43:26.800
My husband has this thing.

1302
01:43:26.800 --> 01:43:31.160
And it used to drive me crazy when he said this.

1303
01:43:31.160 --> 01:43:35.400
He has the 80-20 rule, y'all.

1304
01:43:35.400 --> 01:43:38.000
His 80-20 rule used to, I mean, I

1305
01:43:38.000 --> 01:43:39.520
would want to take that 80-20 rule

1306
01:43:39.520 --> 01:43:42.480
and shove it down his throat.

1307
01:43:42.480 --> 01:43:44.840
Because he's like, 80% of the time, things are good.

1308
01:43:44.840 --> 01:43:48.040
And 20% of the time, he's like, and I'm good.

1309
01:43:48.040 --> 01:43:52.840
And I'm like, well, yeah, 80% of the time for you, it's good.

1310
01:43:52.840 --> 01:43:56.600
But maybe it's 80% of the time it's not good for me.

1311
01:43:56.600 --> 01:43:59.760
And it's only 20% of the time.

1312
01:43:59.760 --> 01:44:03.880
And so I had to learn, but what was I choosing to focus on?

1313
01:44:07.680 --> 01:44:10.080
We're only going to see a majority of what

1314
01:44:10.080 --> 01:44:13.600
we choose to focus on.

1315
01:44:13.600 --> 01:44:16.240
And so I want, I know we're coming up on time here.

1316
01:44:16.240 --> 01:44:24.080
I want to just kind of direct you there of just spend

1317
01:44:24.080 --> 01:44:26.440
some time processing and unpacking,

1318
01:44:26.440 --> 01:44:32.320
like where are you choosing to focus?

1319
01:44:32.320 --> 01:44:34.640
What are you looking at?

1320
01:44:34.640 --> 01:44:38.840
What evidence has he shown you?

1321
01:44:38.840 --> 01:44:43.480
What are things that God is speaking you to focus on?

1322
01:44:43.480 --> 01:44:45.400
Because again, it's very easy for us

1323
01:44:45.400 --> 01:44:50.480
to want to sit there and step into that control.

1324
01:44:50.480 --> 01:44:54.480
But Lord, I want this to happen, and I want you to do this.

1325
01:44:54.480 --> 01:44:58.280
Y'all, I say it because I've done it, clearly.

1326
01:44:58.280 --> 01:45:01.280
But I want you to challenge yourself.

1327
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:03.320
of to shift that focus.

1328
01:45:03.320 --> 01:45:04.960
And I wanna just encourage you,

1329
01:45:04.960 --> 01:45:08.080
just because you don't miss someone

1330
01:45:08.080 --> 01:45:10.980
in the way that someone might miss you

1331
01:45:10.980 --> 01:45:12.880
doesn't mean that you don't love them.

1332
01:45:15.400 --> 01:45:20.400
Everybody experiences feelings and emotions different.

1333
01:45:23.840 --> 01:45:26.480
It will look different for you because guess what?

1334
01:45:26.480 --> 01:45:30.420
We've all had different life experiences.

1335
01:45:31.960 --> 01:45:35.200
You know, and one thing that I kind of heard

1336
01:45:35.200 --> 01:45:37.360
is like, you're like, well, I don't miss him,

1337
01:45:37.360 --> 01:45:41.800
but then you shared how you grew up

1338
01:45:41.800 --> 01:45:44.720
with this violent father and this unhealthiness.

1339
01:45:44.720 --> 01:45:47.200
And there was some just like,

1340
01:45:47.200 --> 01:45:52.200
did you ever really see what close emotional connection

1341
01:45:52.380 --> 01:45:53.220
looked like?

1342
01:45:53.220 --> 01:45:54.280
Was that ever modeled for you?

1343
01:45:55.280 --> 01:45:58.940
I saw it in other people, other couples around me,

1344
01:45:58.940 --> 01:46:02.300
but not, so like in the church was very wonderful church.

1345
01:46:02.300 --> 01:46:04.940
I mean, it's like saving grace and people pray for me.

1346
01:46:04.940 --> 01:46:05.780
But like daily.

1347
01:46:07.780 --> 01:46:10.100
Yeah, so do you see how sometimes it's like,

1348
01:46:10.100 --> 01:46:15.100
when we, when our daily life did not model that,

1349
01:46:17.060 --> 01:46:22.060
we have to learn what that looks like.

1350
01:46:22.120 --> 01:46:25.800
And so it could just be a process of you learning

1351
01:46:25.800 --> 01:46:30.560
of what that emotional connection would look like.

1352
01:46:30.560 --> 01:46:34.960
So it doesn't mean that you don't have adoration

1353
01:46:34.960 --> 01:46:37.520
or, you know, love for somebody.

1354
01:46:39.280 --> 01:46:43.040
You don't care about somebody just because it doesn't look

1355
01:46:43.040 --> 01:46:45.340
the way it looks for somebody else.

1356
01:46:47.320 --> 01:46:51.040
Okay, so I hope that helps.

1357
01:46:51.300 --> 01:46:53.540
A couple minutes over.

1358
01:46:53.540 --> 01:46:54.740
Yeah, thank you very much.

1359
01:46:54.740 --> 01:46:57.100
Okay, ladies, thank you so much.

1360
01:46:57.100 --> 01:46:58.460
I'm glad to be here.

1361
01:46:58.460 --> 01:46:59.660
What's that?

1362
01:46:59.660 --> 01:47:02.220
I'm glad to be here with you all on Facebook.

1363
01:47:03.460 --> 01:47:05.380
All right, so yes, ladies,

1364
01:47:05.380 --> 01:47:07.900
I will post that activation in our app.

1365
01:47:07.900 --> 01:47:10.980
Make sure that you, if you can come tonight,

1366
01:47:10.980 --> 01:47:13.340
go into the events tab.

1367
01:47:13.340 --> 01:47:15.620
If you grab that to join Jackie

1368
01:47:15.620 --> 01:47:18.260
and those that are in phase three.

1369
01:47:18.280 --> 01:47:20.600
So it'll just, I think it will just be phase three

1370
01:47:20.600 --> 01:47:21.440
and phase two.

1371
01:47:21.440 --> 01:47:24.920
I don't know if we're inviting phase one ladies or not.

1372
01:47:24.920 --> 01:47:26.800
I didn't get informed of that.

1373
01:47:26.800 --> 01:47:30.000
So, but definitely check that out

1374
01:47:30.000 --> 01:47:32.840
and I will see you all next week

1375
01:47:32.840 --> 01:47:36.240
and just keep coming with all your questions,

1376
01:47:36.240 --> 01:47:38.760
get vulnerable, share what, you know,

1377
01:47:38.760 --> 01:47:41.520
God's highlighting to you this week.

1378
01:47:41.520 --> 01:47:43.340
Okay, don't be shy.

1379
01:47:43.340 --> 01:47:45.600
All right, ladies, God bless you all.

1380
01:47:46.580 --> 01:47:47.420
Bye.

1381
01:48:00.660 --> 01:48:01.500
There we go.

1382
01:48:02.700 --> 01:48:03.800
See you later, ladies.