for some more people to jump on. I see Lisa, Kelly, Lovetta. Thank you so much for joining us.
I know it's middle of the day, so if you're at work, I get the camera not being on, but if you
are able to come out of hiding, okay, turn the cameras on so I don't feel so alone.
I'd really love to see your faces, and we will go ahead and get started. It is May 19th already,
and this is your Love Story Accelerator, phase two. What do we call it? Check-in, whatever.
Whatever that's called. Our heart check-in. Kelly, so good to see you. So good to see you,
Karen, as well. So yeah, today is the only live session that we're going to have for phase
two. So tonight, y'all are being invited to a special sneak peek session with Jackie for phase
three. She's doing a little makeover session tonight, so she wanted to make sure that you
all were invited to that. So we are going to switch gears and just do this live session today.
So this will be the replay that everybody watches if they are not able to be in attendance right now.
So I've got several things in housekeeping. I definitely kind of switched gears. I was
originally going to teach on something totally different, and then after a one-on-one session
I had today, and then in alignment with what Jackie's doing tonight, I thought,
we're going to switch gears. And so I just kind of last minute took some notes and decided to
shift and do some teaching on the divine feminine. I think it's going to be really fun. I think it's
going to be really helpful, especially for our ladies that are brand new to phase two. Remember,
our divine feminine is one of our videos that is in our content. So if you're brand new to phase
two, which I don't think I see anybody that's brand new to phase two. If you are and I'm just
missing that, please don't hesitate to say, hey, Carla, I'm new. And then if anybody's watching
and replaying, you're brand new, we do have the course content in the app. And so there's five
videos that you'll watch there. And divine feminine is one of those videos. And it's actually
one of my favorite, favorite videos. You know, it's great for dating as we get introduced or
even think of the idea of starting to date. But I find that it's really even helpful for me
just to kind of be reminded of how to just step into my authentic identity in Christ. And so I
think y'all really enjoy it. If you haven't watched it, if you have, and you want to always
do a rewatch, it's always helpful. And even if you've heard this teaching before,
it's always good to have a refresh. So we are going to do some teaching on that today.
And then I will take your questions. So yes, definitely come on camera if you can. Okay,
I see she kind of she came. Nancy's here. Peggy's here. Laura is also here. So good to see you. I
see Sydney's jumped on. Perfect. Okay, housekeeping, lots of housekeeping things. Y'all should have
seen the post already in our app. I think Bethany made a post I think it was yesterday. Jackie's
modern day dating sex book is now out. And so definitely check that, that post out, you know,
get that book. The book club starts on Tuesday next week, and that's filling up fast. So if
that is something that you are going to be interested in, Jackie, I believe is the one
that is going to be doing those sessions each week. And so that will be on every Tuesday for
five weeks. And so it will kind of if you if you can remember what heart work was like,
it's very, very similar. So it's there will be a section that you'll, you'll read and then you'll
do like a check in sort of.
thing. Awesome. Laura says she's got the book and she's reading it and it's so good. I've
got to order my copy. I'm excited because I'm looking forward to kind of seeing, you
know, some tips and things that Jackie coaches and teaches from as far as the dating goes
because that's kind of what we focus on here in phase two. So I'm excited to check that
out. I actually got one of the ladies that goes to my church. She just signed up last
night and purchased the book. I'm really excited for her. She joined me on the women's retreat
that we went to at the end of January and, you know, Holy Spirit has been kind of dropping
to her about this idea of marriage. She's been married twice already and she's trying
to like, she's like, she wants marriage and she's like, I just, I'm not sure what that
looks like in this season. And I've been married twice and I'm a little bit older. And so she's
been having us women pray for her at church. And so when this, this opportunity came, I
felt Holy Spirit kind of nudged me and been like, you know, share this with her and find
out that she's actually heard of Jackie. She's actually heard of her about three years ago
with the wisdom challenge. So I thought that was really cool. And I've actually been going
to this church for about two years now. So definitely check that out. Again, I shared
that you're going to be invited to a special session tonight with Jackie. It's a sneak
peek of what phase three is. So there's no 8 p.m. check-in for our phase two. It is in
the events tab. It's in the calendar. I already looked. It's there. So definitely if you're
able to make that totally check that out. Our activation tonight, I kind of paired it
with that. And it's why I just really felt led to kind of switch gears and just teach
something different today. Cause it was not going to teach from the divine feminine. But
like I said, I think I got a little prompting that something good is going to happen in
this teaching. So I went ahead and I'm going to be obedient to that. So let's see. Don't
forget. I know last week. Yeah, I would imagine there will be a replay of that. I would hope
I would think there would be for that tonight. Most of the time, those types of events we
do, we do do those replays. Last week, I did touch on the last year single guidelines. So
definitely if you haven't checked those out, or haven't visited those in a while, they are in
the phase one heartwork content. It's under the welcome and it's child royal rules. So you
definitely want to I just, I think it's just good sometimes to just revisit that. And just to get a
refresher. Another thing that I also feel really led to share with you ladies. And this sometimes
we don't really talk about this, but I really feel like it was really important, something
just nudged me about it. And so I want to talk real quick, and in our housekeeping, what, what
the community engagement looks like in this phase. So if you're brand new here, and you're like,
okay, well, what's this entail? It's good. And if you've been here for a while, it's definitely
really good to be reminded of it. So the purpose of phase two, is to, and all of our phases really
is to create a space that is protected, that's safe, that you know, you all can continue to still
work on the heartwork. Okay, yes, you've graduated heartwork from phase one, but heartwork
continues. And then in this phase, we kind of launch you and prompt you to begin the dating
process when you feel Holy Spirit's kind of nudging you to do so. And so we want you to be
able to use those heartwork tools that you learned in phase one, and pairing it with what you're
currently learning in this phase as well. And so we want to make that place safe. Okay, because this
is a space where it can get a little vulnerable, especially when we start incorporating dating,
especially if you haven't dated in a while. Y'all like when I joined this community, it was back in
2020. And I was a single, I
was I hadn't dated in five years.
And so it's really important.
Here, I've got to mute everybody.
It's really important that we just
keep that space sacred to be vulnerable, OK?
And so I, myself, didn't start dating right away.
I was a little shy about it.
I knew I needed to work a little bit more on my identity.
And so everybody's going to have their own process
and their own pace that they go.
And so we just really want to make sure
that that space is protected because it is vulnerable.
And it's important to be vulnerable in this stage.
So in order to do that, we do ask
that you ladies kind of avoid giving direct advice when
people are sharing about their current situation
or kind of coaching them, OK?
Let myself and Ebony and even Bethany
will pop in from time to time, as well as Jackie.
And let us kind of take charge of that, OK?
This is your space for you all to focus on your growth, OK?
And so that's important.
Don't feel like you have to interpret someone else's
situation and relationship and things of that nature.
We want to be engaged with each other,
but we don't need to take on that responsibility.
And it's not because your intentions
aren't well intended.
And it's not because they're not valued.
Like, I am certain that every single woman here
has valuable wisdom to share to each and every person
in this community.
I mean, we're created for relationship.
We have connection with the Lord.
He's going to give us that.
So it's not that it's not valuable.
It just is about keeping you all individually
anchored in your own healing and discernment process.
Does that make sense?
I don't have a lot of people on camera,
so I don't know if I get head nods or shakes
or anything like that.
So bear with me here.
So I want you to start shifting.
And instead of trying to help each other figure things out,
like, I want you to pull yourself into, like,
instead of pulling yourself into this space of, like,
I'm going to help someone else, I
want you all to be focused on your own stuff.
Does that make sense?
OK.
So because that's what will tend to happen.
And I speak that from experience,
because I naturally gravitate towards encouraging and advice
giving and coaching.
That's just part of how God created me.
So it's easy to fall into that.
So some ways to be able to do that
would be sharing with someone, like, hey,
I really relate to what you shared.
And then share a little bit about why
that was relatable to you.
Reflect on how what they shared applies to you yourself.
You might even share with them, like, hey,
thank you so much for posting that,
because that is giving me the language on how
to communicate something that I'm also experiencing
and that feeling somewhat similar.
And or, like, God's highlighting this in my life,
and so you sharing about this has helped me in this way.
Like, it's OK to kind of tie it back
to how it helps you.
And it also lends to that encouragement.
It encourages that person for stepping out boldly
and sharing something vulnerable and personal.
And that, like, that not just helps them,
but it's also going to help you, too.
But again, the goal is to keep you all grounded
on your own healing process, help
you stay connected with what God wants to do in your life,
and it protects the space altogether.
Sound good?
All right.
We're 15 minutes in.
I'm moving along here.
I'm going to go ahead and pray for us,
and then we'll get started on the divine feminine teaching
that I kind of pulled together.
other last minute because I'm going to change and forgive me I put my glasses on that like
fall it kind of shift down I had some one-on-one sessions today so I just quickly rolled out of
bed this morning so I could spend time with the Lord this morning before those calls and before
this call so I didn't put contacts in and I didn't grab the right glasses so I'm going to be doing
this very frequently see how I do that and it just slips down I yeah I feel like I'm like one
of those like librarians or something that just like you know anyway I'm gonna go off on a like
I'm gonna squirrel right now so um so I that I don't do that let's go ahead and just pray
oh Heavenly Father I just thank you for your presence Lord thank you for bringing us together
Lord and I just feel this this sense of just you know so much gratitude for the ability to
come together in a way where we're all in different parts of the country or world and
and we still can be together and that your presence is felt and so I thank you for that
I thank you for the hearts that are gathered here I thank you for each woman and person on
this call that is that's present and is also watching in replay I thank you for
the desire in their heart to grow and for the wisdom that you want to plant in each and every
one of them Lord quiet the distractions anything that can distract in this moment Lord this this
hour and a half today Lord I just ask that you just shut them off quiet the distractions
calm any anxieties and just help each person be fully present to listen to what it is that you
want to share as we learn about the Divine Feminine God I just you know ask that you
guide our hearts to receive that clarity and that discernment help us to understand
what it means to step into this identity of the Divine Feminine
what does nurturing look like what does it look like to be wise and receptive
and to be grounded in your love
Lord I just ask that you give us courage to let go of any striving
any any ways that we're trying to control things
or any ways that we're building up walls and and closing off
Lord I ask that you teach us to trust in your process
in your process that you have us in the palm of your hands strengthen our patience Lord
our worth and to come into alignment with your timing Father
let this space be one that encourages
that opens each person up to some growth
and also allows for just authentic connection
with each other as well as an authentic connection with you
Lord I ask that you speak to each woman here
individually in the way that she needs to hear it today
Lord we just we give this time to you and place it in your hands
and in Jesus name we pray this amen
all right do I have any other people on okay
I still just got three people on camera thank you Sarah, Shell, Peggy and Lovetta
love seeing your faces so good I got Abby on, Eloise so yes I totally get it like
it's that weird part of day that some of us were at work so
yes I totally get that Nancy yep so if you can't be on camera I just know I'm not I'm not
pressuring you and like trying to call you out I'm just encouraging if you can please please please
yes and that pretty beach picture I love it Sarah, Shell, you know I miss the beach
you know I miss the beach so yeah let's go ahead and jump in we're at 20 after here so I want to
I want to make sure that we leave time for your questions I got caught up a lot yesterday
on a lot of the posts in the app and so I I'm probably
not thinking clearly on who posted what. So I want to make sure that I give y'all that time and space
in our call today if you have any follow-up questions to that. And then it allows me time
to kind of maybe refresh my memory on anything that I was caught up on yesterday. So the Divine
Feminine. The Divine Feminine is just really like, I just love, like I said, I love, love,
love, love that video. Like I love Jackie's teaching on it. It's just, for me, it's so
powerful. It really does help me step into that authentic alignment of like who God divinely
created me to like embody, like what that, what that looks like, you know, like the difference
between the feminine and the masculine, like there is an actual purpose for that. Ladies,
I'm going to go ahead and remind you just to make sure that you're staying muted because when we do
this in replay, those background noises do kind of interfere with that. So it's really about just
being in alignment with like what God's intention is, okay? Like he designed us on purpose. He
created each and every one of us on purpose to be female. On purpose. And yet we all have
differences too. But there are certain things that are just part of this identity of the feminine,
which he himself, God, is both feminine and masculine. Like we are made in his image. So that
feminine is part of his image. And so it's coming into rooted alignment with that,
being receptive and confident that God created us with intentionality and purpose.
And, you know, I was thinking today as I was kind of throwing this all together, you know,
it's not about a weakness or passivity. Like I think sometimes like we think of the feminine
and people just kind of say, oh, well, that's the weaker gender. You know? And you know, I don't,
like, there was probably a time in my life, like I felt probably felt like that. And then there was
a time in my life that I was like, oh, heck no. There was some, you know, those wounds and the
those traumas kind of built. I know you're laughing because you feel it, don't you?
But I would be like, I was hardened at times. And sometimes I still could be like that.
To be perfectly honest, I'm going to be transparent here. Like I still carry some wounds
and some unhealed areas. Like we all have stuff that we're working on. And so,
you know, like there was probably a time where I was like, oh, that's what the feminine is. It's
kind of weak. It's, you know, oh, it's, it's this passiveness. And then, then you kind of
get vulnerable with that. And then you get wounded and then some hardness comes.
And then it's like, oh, heck no. I'll show you who's boss, right? Like, I'll show you,
you're not going to control me. You're, you know, like, and then I don't know if y'all recall,
and this is what came to mind when I was going over this is that word submission.
Do y'all remember that from phase one in the heart work? You're asked that in that those
first couple of chapters, what is your relationship with that word? Submit,
especially when you're thinking of marriage and relationship. And I'm like, I'm sitting here
trying to go back to like, how did I feel about it when I first stepped into this community
five years ago? And I'm like, and how do I feel about it now? Now that I'm married y'all.
And if I'm transparent, like y'all that's hard sometimes that's it's so this, this whole divine
feminine, really, if you can step into this teaching and really spend time with this,
it really will prepare you for what marriage is. And you ladies that have been married before you
will understand that. Okay. I went when I came into this program, I was in my late thirties.
I'd never been married, okay?
I had no clue what marriage is.
So that might be you.
You're like, I've never been married.
And so we might have this idea of what it is
and let me know.
Like, I had this idea of what I thought it was gonna be.
I haven't even been married a full three years
and I'm like, it's nothing like what I thought
it was gonna be.
There's some things that I'm like, whoa,
completely not what I thought it was.
And then there's some things
that are really like awesome about it.
And I'm like, wow, I didn't know it could be this.
Okay, so there's all these little surprises.
But I think about that word submission
and I'm like, wow, it really does embody that feminine.
Like, we are called to submit to our husbands, okay?
And I know sometimes some of us, and I was one of them,
got really offended by that
because I had been hurt by men
because I never felt like they were responsible
for their part and I got hurt in the process.
So this idea of submitting was like,
well, I can't submit because they're not doing this.
Does anybody relate to that?
I gotta shut my, I don't see all the comments right away.
So I do try to look at those.
But, and so what I want to help you ladies,
like what I wanna start this off with,
I really felt Holy Spirit just kind of dropped this on me
right before I jumped on the call,
is that really want you ladies to get hold of
that submission is not weakness or passivity.
Like sit with that.
It actually takes a lot of strength to be led.
Strength to be led.
To literally submit our own control and to surrender.
That takes a lot of strength.
And so in this single season, okay,
having been in the single season before in this community
and now kind of being on the other side of it,
I'm like, man, like what would have happened
if I took a little bit more time in my single season
to really prepare for what that actually looked like?
To actually learn how to grow in my submission
to take God's lead.
Because that's the covering we're under.
God's our number one.
We take his lead first and foremost.
We're obedient to him.
And so now when you're in a single season,
like that's inevitable.
Like you're like, well, of course, like I'm single,
like that's who you go to.
But when we step into marriage,
it's very easy at times to sometimes forget
that God's our source, not our husband.
Our husbands are resource.
But he's not our full source.
And so because he's a resource though,
and in the covenant marriage and in our home,
you will have to surrender to your husband
because he's going to lead.
And it's no different than,
you're going to have to surrender to your husband.
And it's no different than,
but you're still going to the father.
So it is really practicing to surrender
and submit to the Lord.
And if you learn how to grow in that,
when you get married,
surrendering to a husband will be so much easier.
So much easier.
And that's where I tend to struggle
with my submission with my husband.
It's rooted in fact that I struggle with my trust in God
because there's things I still want to take control of.
They don't fully trust the Lord with.
I say I do, but I don't act like I do.
Okay.
So, it really does prepare you for that maturity and growth process that marriage really is
intended for, and it helps us align with our divine identity.
It anchors us and steps us into being that easer, that helpmate with our husband.
It's a partnership, and it's no different than a partnership with God.
And so, I just really want you ladies to just kind of, I know I took like 10 minutes to really
define that, but I really think that is so important to take hold of.
You know, divine feminine, it's strength, being under control, it's gentleness, yet still being
grounded, and it's a softness while still being powerful.
We can be both and, okay?
And so, when all of these qualities come together, they really do create like this regulated presence,
this secure identity, and aligned relationships, okay?
You're going to learn to respond instead of react when you're in that divine feminine.
You're going to learn to trust yourself and God's timing and learn to trust God.
And you're going to learn that you can receive love without needing to chase it or collapse
in order to receive it even.
Like, oh, come fix me.
I need love.
Y'all, sometimes I can be in that.
Like, I can feel like I don't know who I am, and I just want a person to come help fix me.
Well, that's not divine.
That's me going back to the old ways of trying to put a person in a God-shaped hole.
It just doesn't work.
I need that connection and that relationship with God.
And so, I want to step into that identity.
I want to trust in that identity that he created me for.
And so, when all those qualities are present, it really does come together.
And so, I want you to think of, if you have strength, but you're not really receptive to
things, it's going to show up as rigid and controlling.
You're going to be so strong and powerful, but you're not going to be willing to receive
any wisdom, any leadership.
So, you're going to be rigid, and you're going to say, nope, I got this.
I'm going to control this outcome.
You're not going to tell me.
You're not going to lead me.
You don't know what you're talking about.
Y'all, I do this with my husband sometimes, especially in parenting.
And I can say this right now because he's not even present.
So, don't tell him.
Don't tell him this little fact that I've discovered.
Like, there's times where I'm like, no, this is how we need to parent.
Like, I don't want him to take the lead.
Because I'm like, nope, I got to control it.
Because I sometimes am operating in the fear of like, oh my gosh, what's going to happen
to my babies?
Okay.
So, I have three.
I have, you know, my youngest is my biological son, and then I have my bonus children, my
older two.
They're my babies, too.
They don't have a mother here on earth.
Their mother passed away.
And so, I'm their earthly mother.
And so, there is this responsibility that I just carry, this heart that I carry that
I'm like, I want to be that for them.
And so, I sometimes will take over God's position.
And so, I step into that fear presence.
And then I'm telling my husband, like, you know, I'm strong, but I'm not going to receive
what you have.
I'm not going to allow you to lead.
And then I get rigid and controlling.
And then my kids don't operate very well under that either.
Now, maybe, you know, if you're receptive, but you're unstable, you're not grounded.
Like, you're receiving, but you're kind of like, do I do this?
Do I do that?
Like, you're indecisive.
Like, you might land yourself into this being naive and overgiving.
Like, you're going to want to receive, but then that's when you kind of sometimes
have to make a decision.
because you don't have that like those boundaries and you're not grounded and
you're not sure of things, it can open you up to kind of being taken advantage
of because you're not sure. So you're just gonna receive all the things and
you're not gonna listen to that discernment. You're not gonna be
listening to the Lord of like, what do I do? What do I not do? What do you say I
should do Lord? Who am I? Now maybe you're like, nope, I'm grounded, I'm firm, but
maybe like you're not playful. You're not fun, energetic, playful, because that's
the feminine too. You might be rigid but there might not be any joy. Joy is
the fruit of the Spirit.
Ladies, I will tell you and this is not, I don't want you to take this on as like
because I've had ladies do this before and I've done this teaching. I had, I
actually recall this was probably like a year and a half, two years ago. She and
and she spoke up and was like, Karla, like that makes me uncomfortable, this idea of
being fun. She's like, I don't, I feel like you're telling me I'm not fun and I
because I was like saying like you got to be fun and she's like, well, but I also
think that there's a time and place to be serious and I was like, oh girl, I
totally get you. Like I am a very like, you know, let's get business. Let's get
down to business. But what I was explaining to her is, especially with men,
they like to have fun.
And I say this because I can and my husband would admit it. Like there's this
like childlike nature about my husband and I think it's in all men. I just think
that there was just this part of men that they just, they like to be silly,
goofy. I always tell my husband, I'm like, you're such a weirdo and he's like,
yep. He's like, and God knew you needed a little bit of weird in your life
because he's determined. He's like, Karla, we just need to let, like, you got that
weird in you. You just haven't let it out yet. And he's like, there's times that
we'll see it. And he's like, so God knew you just needed an extra weird husband.
And so there is a bit of playfulness in that. Like you're just a weirdo. You're
not like, you're going to want to enjoy that when you connect with your spirit
mate. And so you want to be able to align with that and embrace that. Okay. All
right. So I don't want to continue to keep taking up too much time. I still have
lots to cover. So I'm going to kind of talk about some of the characteristics
that Jackie covers in that video, The Divine Feminine. So she talks about the
Divine Feminine being a nurturer and a comforter. Okay. It's just kind of, it's
just innate. All right. And this is about encouraging growth without doing for
others what they can do for themselves. Okay. So when a woman can step into this,
she's going to be able to offer guidance and support without over-functioning.
You're going to be able to create space for people to flourish and it will bring
comfort without taking the responsibility for others outcomes. That
one's huge. That one hit me. I have a tendency and I'm really having to do
some healing in this area even currently with this taking on other people's
responsibilities and feeling like I'm responsible for the outcomes. And when
I'm stepping into that, I'm not operating in my Divine Feminine. I can bring
comfort and wisdom and nurturing and guidance without needing to carry the
responsibility of stuff that is theirs to carry and God's to carry. So it's not
my job to micromanage or maybe over text. Like maybe you just like over try to
over communicate just to secure that connection. It's not it's not your job
to micromanage the connection. Oftentimes my husband's like Carla, you're a
micro thinker and he's a macro thinker. And I'm like sometimes I'm like are you
do you mean that as an insult? Because I'm like because I am detail-oriented. I
like to think of the little details.
tails. My husband's not like that he's like Matt like he wants to think of the
broader things but I think what happens is that for him he he finds like the
micro is more of like a micromanaging and I'm not really stepping into that
easier helper so because I'm sitting here trying to secure something so when
a woman is in that divine feminine she's going to allow others to step into their
own responsibility okay just keep that in mind so for an example like think
about how you are in your friendships
when your friends come to you and you're listening to them
or even when you go to a friend do you want and you're in you're sharing with
them you want them to listen to you is it helpful when they're affirming you
instead of trying to fix you
Sarah shell says no the Peggy's like yeah okay so I like this so I like that
we can kind of dig into this so like do we want to do you think when we when
people come and they're desiring connection do you think that they want
to be fixed or do you think that they want to be nurtured I asked them what
they want that's good I like that what are you
thinking you seeking me just to listen yeah or are you seeking advice and I
haven't been very good that's very different way yes I love that so yes
there's just kind of taking it into that like you can like I can tell like
you've grown in relationships because that is and you've been married before
so you get that that is one thing I think I learned early on even in
marriage and my husband had to learn to is men will want to come and be the
problem solvers it's just it's they're the provider the protector they're gonna
want to try to solve your problem and for a woman to feel emotionally secure
we want to be nurtured and affirmed and so sometimes it's like I come to my
husband because I need to vent and and he'll be like if he's sitting there
trying to tell me what to do and like problem-solve I'm like there's a
disconnect and so like Sarah shells like is saying she's like she doesn't step in
and assume with her close relationships my guess is she's saying hey how do you
want me to show up do you want me to listen and affirm and give you
encouragement or would you like me to help you fix and solve a problem okay
that's really good can I add to that what's that can I add to that go for it
like there are times that some friends in my life they'll be like they'll not
and I've trained them to be like that you know where they call me and they're
like I need to just vent so in all honesty I'm like okay and I literally I
put the phone down and I'm like have at it and so I hear this like because I
don't want all that trash and garbage going in my ears this is the way that I
protect my ears my heart and my ears especially if they start gossiping or
you know gripe and complain like all this kind of stuff but if the person
says look I've got this problem and I I need to be able to express some of it
but I'm looking for advice and to help me walk through this what's mine what's
theirs like you know going through that then I listen with a different kind of
ear and a different kind of heart I don't just want to listen to somebody
that just wants to come up to me and vomit on me you know all their griping
and complaining and trash talk and whatever and but they don't want to they
don't want their life to change in essence they're just coming taking their
trash can and dumping it on me now they feel better because their trash can is
empty I'm like I'm not your dumpster that's called your journal go for an
angry walk I call them stomping ass angry walks Lord BAM hit the ground
with my foot it's a very different
different way that I've learned to walk through things
because I am a natural counselor.
That's what the Lord made me as.
You know, so it's like, if you don't want it.
The way your mind operates, yeah, I can see that.
I can go macro, I can go micro,
I can go in all different realms for people,
but it's like, if you don't point me,
or they'll throw out a question and I'm like,
now my ex used to go, oh,
how long of an answer do you want for that one?
That one just opened up the whole universe to her.
You know?
Like, she'll give you that one, and that one,
and that one, and that one.
It's like, where do you want me to angle this thing?
Yep, yep.
So I just learned to do that with people.
And then I would learn to do that,
like, who can take that from me?
Yeah, who can take that from me?
You're kind of like, and I share this too with you ladies,
and you probably have heard me say this,
like, as a coach, as your coach here,
and Jackie did this to me.
There were times, there was things that Jackie would say,
and I'd be like, shh, I would be offended.
And Jackie's like, look, if there's offense there,
that's a heart thing.
And so what I usually, and Sarah,
Shell, you could probably agree to this,
and I've even explained this to my husband,
and one thing I've had to learn to grow in is,
I always tell you ladies, I am your biggest cheerleader.
I am an encourager by nature.
Like, I've had to grow in my way of encouraging,
because it does come natural for me to discern
and see things that I will rip Band-Aids off,
and sometimes people aren't ready
for the Band-Aid to be ripped off.
And so it's easy for me to just kind of naturally step
into like, let me rip a Band-Aid off,
and I have to stop and be like, okay,
but God also has given me this gift to be an encourager,
how do I merge them together?
How do I really step into that authentic divine feminine?
Because guess what?
That, ripping the Band-Aid off, is wisdom,
which is the next thing that we're gonna talk about
that the feminine has.
But the feminine is also soft and nurturing and comforting.
So it's being able to kind of merge the two,
and so it's a practice of having to learn how to do that.
And it is natural to step in and be like,
look, I'm gonna rip the Band-Aid off.
Well, here's something else, I'll get like,
okay, this is gonna hurt, you know?
So we're in a discussion, and then I'm like,
and then I go silent.
And now they've learned, they're like,
this next bit's gonna hurt.
I'm like, yes, it's gonna be an alchie
for your flesh and your soul.
Your spirit's gonna rejoice, eventually.
But ladies, I also want you to hear too,
and Sarah, so you can probably even kind of speak to this,
is you probably have learned there's certain people
you can do this with that you've actually built
connection and relationship with.
Absolutely.
Not just have like, you know,
it can't be an acquaintance that you show up that way.
Or if it's a client, because they're paying for it.
They want resolution.
And you can set that parameter of like,
hey, this is what this is gonna look like.
And they're aware of what those boundaries look like.
And I've also reframed offense to people.
Yes.
And I'm like, if you can,
because to me, this is how the Lord taught me.
He said, be a screen, not a sponge.
So if something comes at me from somebody else,
you know, they're blasting me.
If it just passes, like when it just passes on through,
I'm like, yay, Lord, on the inside,
look how much you've healed me.
It just passed right on through.
Like, nothing's stuck, you know, kind of thing.
I didn't absorb it.
But if I absorbed any of it, and then I got,
you know, let's just say pissy, you know,
I got on the inside of me, I'm like, eh, you know, going off.
I'm like, thank you, Lord, for bringing this blessing to me,
because now I realize there was an area
where I could get triggered.
Yeah, I'm not in the right attitude yet,
but at least I recognize that it is,
it will be a bigger blessing when it's all the way through.
And it's giving yourself that grace and that space
is like, look, you don't have to have it
all figured out right now,
but you are recognizing how the Holy Spirit
is highlighting that to you.
Exactly, and I warn others of the same thing.
I'm like, this might offend you, and you're welcome.
Yeah.
Because at least we're doing it in a safe space.
Exactly.
And not out there in your workplace,
or with your husband or your child,
and then your, you know, things blow up
and the whole relationship goes to pot and, you know.
Exactly.
Exactly. I'm not going to blow up on you, you know, let's have at it.
So you're going to, you're going to be in that divine, soft,
feminine role that nurturing. So that's kind of what I was like sharing.
Like that's, you're there to affirm,
you're not there to control and kind of tell them what to do.
I'm not God for them. They are.
And exactly. So, but so can I, can I challenge you a bit?
Okay. So this is what I'm curious and, and, and you can take time on this.
This, this week, I want you to start.
And some of you ladies might want to do this as well. Okay.
I want you to start reflecting on, and especially at Sarah Shelley,
like you, you deal with clients, like you deal with like, Hey,
I'm going to rip band-aids off.
I did for 25 years. I don't so much anymore.
Okay. So I want you to recognize,
is it different on how you show up with maybe clients or people that you are
coaching and giving advice to versus relationship?
What is the difference there? What would that look like?
Is there a softness that might be
withheld and where might that be rooted in is,
do you.
It's very, I mean, every client is different. It's why like those,
it's why I hate those like disc tasks and stuff like that,
because Jesus addressed everyone's heart individually.
They could ask the same question and he would answer them honestly,
but he answered them to what their heart needed. And that's always my goal.
So you might ask me one question and somebody else might ask me the same exact
question and how I respond to that person is going to depend
upon what I hear from the Lord.
So, yeah, I want you to really.
So this is like, it's hard to say like, which, because it's like,
I like how you are framing that because I really,
Ooh, getting really spiritual on this one.
I want to encourage you over this next week
to pay attention
to that heart posture with everyone that you encounter
strangers, friends, family,
but okay. But yeah, just like people that you're interacting with,
like where your thoughts are and what that heart posture,
is it coming from a place of softness
or a place of self-protection?
It's interesting because how the Lord teaches me right now
and what he's teaching me through some really deep stuff in it,
it has to do with the family I was born out of,
but I don't know anything about. So the Lord has to reveal everything.
So, you know, it's not like I can go,
Oh, look at mom, dad and whatever did this. I don't know.
I don't know who they are. You know, like, I don't know. So he's cleaning,
you know, we've been doing a lot of different kinds of stuff in that.
And so like at church,
what I find is I'm in the midst of worship and everything,
and I'm super soft and it's like whatever.
And sometimes the Lord literally comes to me and he's handing me a scepter and
he's like handing me things. He's like, you're doing things in the, you know,
in the spirit realm. And other times I'm like a puddle on the floor or whatever.
And then what I'm finding is that,
especially this one particular elder,
elder of the church, you know, we're about the same age,
but an elder of the church. And so she'll come to me and she goes,
I want you to come with me and go pray for this other person.
Now, I don't have any problem doing that, but my, but my brain goes, excuse me,
aren't you the elder? Like, you know, you're the,
my brain's doing that. I mean, in all honesty, I'm like,
why is it when it comes to prayer that it's not the elder that's doing it?
It's not the elder that's doing that. I mean, in all honesty, I'm like,
why is it when it comes to difficult situations in the spirit realm,
you're coming to me to go knock things out.
Why aren't you doing this? Let me, that's just my thought, you know,
and I'm sorry, but it's a judgment.
So I want you to kind of like,
I'm thinking of a word of what that sounds like.
Is there a word that comes to mind of like, what, what does that,
what word comes to mind when you think of how you just explain that
you're there and someone's coming to you and you're,
and how would you describe like one word,
how you describe someone being like, why are you coming to me?
Why wouldn't you do that?
Okay. I'm getting a flashback to in psychology world.
They called it parental inversion. Okay.
So the elder tosses their resources to the elder.
responsibility. It's the reverse of what you just
described. Yeah, you don't take on that. You're saying we don't
take on the responsibility of others that they themselves can
do. But when my dad was killed, my mom got so subjected with a
spirit of grief. And then other things came in. And I saw in the
spirit realm. So I'm like watching all this crap happen.
Yeah. And all of a sudden I was given adult responsibilities.
Okay, starting at age three. Yeah, like way before. So they
call it parental inversion in the psychology world. And so
flipping that back. And so here, I'm trying to step into what
just being responsible for what's mine. And then here
comes. Like all the women in the group in our small group, they're
all older than me, I'm the youngest one in the whole group.
And the whole group turns to me, they're like, Would you pray for
this? And I pray and things shift because the Lord works.
Yeah, it's not because of me, just the Lord works. And I
believe him. And I believe his word. And they're like, we want
boldness like you and I'm looking at him like the Lord
only yanked me back 10 years ago, and y'all been following
him for 50 years. What's wrong with this picture? So it feels
like this inversion thing that's like, you know, like
putting the responsibility, I'm going to ask this too. And I'm
like, Lord, I don't want this responsibility if it's not mine
to do. Yes.
I want, let's take a minute, let's remove this idea of you
taking the response and deciding whether it's your responsibility
or not.
Like, I don't want it. Unless the Lord, unless the Lord says,
I know this,
let's, let's dive into and we're going to get back on our topic
too. And then I'm going to take questions here shortly. Um,
because I think we're uncovering and unpacking something that's
that I think will help a lot of people as well. Um, this, this
parental inversion, like you're taking that responsibility, like
having, carrying adult responsibilities at a young age.
Very much so. Yeah. And so
is it possible that when people are coming to you for these
adult responsibilities that you never, like you had to take on
that you wanted adults to take at that age and, and they should
have, they should have, yeah, they should have. Yeah. Is there
a bit of resentment and defensiveness that can surface
in that response because of, you know, spending time and being
like, what is it that you, you are grieving that you didn't
get? It was my childhood. I never got the whole, the whole
child was stolen. And so do you see how, when that occurred,
those seeds and roots started taking effect and those lies
started building in to get you to believe that you had to
protect yourself. You had to take on all these
responsibilities. There was no one there to do that for you.
Yeah. And so guess what? We start acting not in our
authentic identity. We start controlling our own narrative,
our own outcomes, because we were living in a place of, I had
to do this at that age. And then that, like I, like you said,
like it was absolute survival. Yeah. You were, you were in
survival. Yeah, it was. And again, like if you go back to
probably like phase one heartwork stuff, and if you go
back and listen to that, that's like victim survivor mentality.
Yeah, it's learning to, you know, kind of reconcile and step
into what that and heal that so that you can really go even
deeper into that authentic identity. And that defined
feminine where, you know, you don't have to be defensive. You
don't have to take on anybody's responsibility. Like, do you see
how it's like, you get to say, okay, I'm not going to take on
someone's responsibility. And I don't also don't have to be
defensive to that. I get to encourage, nurture, comfort. And
I get to let them know that, hey, you are capable. This is
my role.
This is your role. This is God's role and there's a softness about it. It doesn't have to be that rigid
Yeah, he was saying this morning
And I've been doing that there's a lot over this last week
Because I'm like, okay, I've forgiven the people but yet the stuff still like there's stuff still there, you know
And he's like you have to forgive the situation
Yeah, the situation like the enemy used the person
Yeah, and then it was this all this the
country all the situation around it and
What it became keep going and then it's what it became what you believed, you know out of it
And he's done some tremendous thing
He's literally redone things from in the womb for me literally like from conception in the womb
Rebirth like, you know, he's done some amazing things over like literally just completely rewired my brain and took my brain too
My whole brain in months two months just as I was crying every day like this is what's supposed to feel
Like this is what it feels like
Like this is what normal supposed to like this is what you're supposed to let my whole body was just like yeah
Okay, like who am I?
You don't have a before and after now you have a before and after but you didn't before you know
So now it's like going back to certain situations certain events
yeah, and
And removing the things from the event
from the story and then taking he also said I need you to take the event off the throne and
Let me be on the throne
he said, you know, and then
like I
Used to get really triggered every time you said your God defended and I was like, yeah, he sucks at being a defender
You know and I mean on the inside. I mean that was just honest, you know, you're being honest. That's wrong
That's you know, and I was like, well, I had no problem with protector fortress shield
No problem with any of those things you said defender and I was like, I'm gonna reach to that screen and rip her face off
Shut up
Such a liar, you know like that's not happening. Yeah
Yeah, I'm through a process for like two months with that and then I find you know, we finally broke through
But he told me he said well, honey
when you defend
Yourself at best you're on the throne at worst the devil is and I went oh shit
Yeah, but I was like, you know, and I was like a mic drop. You're like
I was coaching a gentleman. He was a very good friend of mine. It was very, you know, well in the Lord and stuff
and we were both like
Crap because you know, he was doing the same thing, you know, and so then we we were repenting together
We were confessing and repenting together and healing together. So I got that masculine
energy in the healing process of
What I needed
To be able to heal the defender side and I'm like, yeah, he's my defender. Not a problem
You know, so, you know, like I'm so thankful like see this is exactly why I feel like God prompted us to
switch gears and for us to do this teaching today because I feel like
this needed to be unpacked for so many of
The ladies that are you know on this call and I'm gonna watch and replay
And I appreciate you just being honest and vulnerable because I
I remember experiencing some of those same emotions
of like offense and being frustrated with Jackie and being like
You know, I was seeing it as something different because God told me he said
Online dating for you. He wasn't saying for anybody else. He said for you what I have for you is a no
Yeah, you know right now and so when you kept saying you can go out and date, you know
You're God defended and I'm like now she's trying to make me go against God's Word
Yeah, and that's that's where I was coming from on it. And I was like, I'm just gonna smack her
I'm gonna drive down to Dallas. I'm gonna find her and we're gonna have this out. I don't have problem with this
I'm only five hours away, you know
You know, I mean, that's where I was love you girl. I'm gonna like go at it with her, you know
We're gonna have this out face-to-face, I mean a heck with it, you know, and but that's where I was at, you know
and and then finally
He this gentleman called me up very good friend in Atlanta. He's like I need some help
Yeah, you know and I'm like, okay and and I said what is God telling you that he wants to be for you right now
in this situation and
He pray he goes my defender and I want oh crap
Well, I got to hold this and that tension at the same time, Lord.
I mean, you had to say, well, God told me to reach out to you.
I'm like, thanks God.
Here we go.
Yeah.
I love that.
Like, I feel like you're helping so many of the women that are going to hear this
get breakthrough and, and, and understand like ladies, you know, be open to receive
what God wants to heal in you and listen, like Sarah shell has been in this phase
with me for a while now, right?
You know, and I, I, I imagine there were probably, I mean, here's the thing,
ladies, I'm aware that there are things that I'm going to say that
are going to hit you the wrong way.
And the reason I can say that is because I have been in that seat that you're at.
I'm no different.
I too get offended with coaching and wisdom and this, like, I, I, I had it too.
I know, like, and trust me and I've had to even grow in my own coaching because
there's been times where I've wanted to hold back because I'm afraid, I don't
want them to be upset with me and God's like Carla, but this is part of the
growing process.
I put you in this position because you know how this goes.
I've given you the grace to be able to step into that.
And so y'all like you are like, I'm going to give you all permission to get offended
with me.
You can, I am not going to look at you any differently.
You can be completely honest with me if I ever offend you.
And no, my heart is never to offend you ever because I have been in your seat.
I've been there.
Like there's nothing that you can say to me that I'm going to not hold a safe
space for.
That's just not my heart.
I wouldn't be in this position.
I wouldn't have humbled myself and accepted this role because I do.
I looked at this as like, this doesn't work for me.
This really truly is a gift.
This is what, I mean, I look, I wake up and I'm like, I get to walk through
love stories with people.
Like I got invited to do that.
Like Jackie, I didn't get kicked out when I got married.
Like this is amazing.
Like I get to be part of that process with you all.
Like that's an honor and a privilege and I will never take that for granted.
So always understand, like if there is something that I have said that has been
offensive, you most certainly can be real raw and honest with me and we'll work
through it together.
100%.
And I just, I thank you for, for this Sarah shot.
Like I just really appreciate that.
Like, I think that is, that's bring, brought me a blessing today by you sharing
this and like, I just, I thank you for that.
Like, I feel like maybe I needed this and I hope you all needed it too.
So I hope we all gotten something out of this.
Um, you know, cause again, it just, it reminds me of like, ladies, this
process, the promise that God gives us is all part of a, like a process.
And you know, I want this, you know, I'm reminded of, and I don't, did you
listen to supernatural Saturday?
Yeah.
And Jackie talked a lot about heartwork, didn't she?
Y'all, if you haven't listened to that, go listen to that because sometimes I
feel like I'm beating a dead horse in here.
Sometimes people, I'm like, they don't want to hear all the heartwork stuff.
They just want to be told like what to do about this dating situation.
And sometimes like I'll get in my head and be like, they just want
me to give them an answer.
They don't, they don't want me to tell them like how to heartwork it.
I do.
I sometimes, I, I, I self-consciously sometimes worry, like maybe that's
not what you guys want from me.
That's.
the world speaks. Yeah, that's outside of the kingdom. And in
the kingdom it is. And this and y'all like this just reminds us
heartwork is the foundation of last year single y'all. So if
you've just come out of phase one, and you know, I know a lot
of people come out of phase one, they're like, I want to go back
to heartwork. I don't want to do the dating thing. I want to
encourage you like the hard work doesn't go away. And it won't it
won't go away. I'm sitting here doing heartwork and marriage. I
mean, we always need an upgrade. We don't get that full upgrade
until we're on that side of heaven. Like, so I mean,
heartwork is is where the foundation is. And it's in it's
really it's that supernatural surrender and laying it all at
Jesus's feet and just saying, Lord, like, you're on the
throne. Your kingdom come, your will be done, not my will. Help
me step into the identity that you have blessed me with that is
in your perfect image, God. Thank you. Thank you for that,
Lord. Like, y'all, like, I just, I'm so thankful for, for this
opportunity that we had today. Like, I just found this, like,
thank you. Thank you all for being here. This is so powerful.
Go back to that heartwork. Listen to Supernatural Saturday,
go back and, you know, ask the Lord, Lord, you know, you're
continuing to always want to heal something in me, show me,
teach me, grow me, heal me, show me. Okay, we haven't arrived.
Mary, y'all gonna get married. And that's not even your
arrival. Y'all realize that? It's just the start. Y'all. All
right. I want to I want to open the door for questions. And I
know I'm going over. So that's on me. I'm going to leave us 30
minutes. I'm going to maybe I'll dive back into more of this next
week. And we can pick up where we left off, and kind of go into
the divine feminine with the counselor, the wise meet the
potential receptiveness, and kind of all of that. I'll look
over my notes. But I do want to open it up for questions. I know
Laura's got her hand up. Activation is going to be just
stepping into our divine feminine. All right, is going to
be, you know, I really want you ladies to start celebrating what
that looks like. And I want you to, to step in a way that it's
visible. It's intentional, it's fun. And so that we can kind of
learn and grow together and inspire each other and that
divine feminine. So while you're in public this week, I want you
to smile. I want you to be open to receiving. I want you to be
open to receiving help and kindness and compliments. I want
you to practice pausing before reacting. I want you to practice
saying thank you when people give you compliments and not
minimizing yourself. Okay, maybe dress in some feminine, flowy,
colorful things. Here in Texas, it's getting hotter. Y'all like
that's when I gotta I gotta get the skirts and the dresses
because I got feel breeze. Y'all feel breeze. Um, maybe add some
accessories like revamp your look, especially if you can jump
in tonight to that special session with Jackie and she's
gonna do that makeover revamp your look this week. Okay. And
so if you're able to go to that, definitely do that. I'd be I'd
like to hear like how, how your week is with with stepping into
this stuff. Maybe, you know, post a photo or a little
reflection, kind of showing us how you stepped into that divine
feminine. So maybe you get a new outfit, a new hairstyle, maybe
Jackie teaches you a new makeup look. Something that helps you
align in the confidence of who God's created you to be. Maybe
it's a small change in your heart posture, and how that's
impacted you this week, or something that you've done that
was, you know, playful or fun. Or something that you just did in
complete confidence.
so just share that. Eloise, it's going to be in the app, under the events tab, under the calendar,
just like you got here under this Zoom for this call, there is a link to that call tonight,
okay? So I want, I will post this activation in the group as well, but I do want to take
questions. So I will go until, I'm going to do a hard stop at a quarter till, so I'm going to,
I'm going to just go ahead and extend us 15 minutes, but I will hard stop, okay? Because
I do want to start being mindful of the time, but because Holy Spirit kind of led us today,
I don't want to cut our group coaching short. So if you have a question, definitely raise your
hand. I got Laura, I got Cynthia. Please just help us make it short, brief, and powerful,
so that we can get through any and everyone that wants to cover their questions. And yeah,
sound good? All right, Laura, how are you? I know I responded to you. I might need a little
refresher, but I can always pull that up in our app too. But what is your question?
Yeah, I appreciate your response about being curious and not just kind of like,
kind of spelling it out for him, like what I need and like being super demanding or whatever.
Yeah, so I'm going to like, figure out, like, review again, like multiple times,
like your suggestions on what to say. And then like the next time I see him, like, yeah.
And this is important. And I, and you know, Laura, I want to, I want to share this with you too,
because this is what I shared on, I had a one-on-one call today with, with a client.
And this is, this is my second time meeting with her. And I want, I shared this with,
I shared this with her, but I want to share this with all of you. Y'all have permission to make
mistakes. You're not going to get this stuff perfectly. I, I never did this stuff perfectly.
Okay. I I'm sitting here giving y'all coaching on how to like navigate these interactions and
these communication stuff. Y'all, I, I messed them up so frequently. So I don't ever want you
all to carry that or feel like you have to hold back. Like I want you all to be real and honest
in what you're going through and like how, like what you're struggling with. Like it's normal to
need to put this stuff into practice. It's totally normal. Like y'all have gotten heartwork and it's,
it's, it's different. It's different than the way you operated before. So it's going to feel
different. It's going to look different. And I just want you all to, to make sure that you give
yourself the grace and the space to, you know, Hey, I might need to go back and review this
and that's okay. And you're not going to mess anything up. You can't, you really can't. Okay.
Sure. And then also like, I still notice like, cause he's part of my rotary club and we had like
a golf course tournament thing that we were like supporting yesterday. And I don't know. I just
felt that cause another member of our club, his name is Greg and he has kind of been like
has kind of been like instrumental and like,
having way to like, reach out to me, like initially back in April to like start dating
or whatever. And I just find that he kind of like encourages way to like come to different
events and be there like at the same event that I'm like helping with. And I don't know why,
but like, it's starting to bother me. And like, and even like when we are like at different
events, I don't know what my thing is, is that like, I tend to like, I mean, like I'll say hello
and I'll be cordial to him or whatever, but like, I'm not like super chummy or whatever. I don't
know if it's like my brain still going towards like protect mode or whatever. And just like
keeping him like separate and not wanting people like in our club to know that we're dating or
something, or I don't know. Like, it's like,
It's kind of awkward, like, I'll see him and like, because I knew he was coming, like,
before, like, he even got there yesterday, because this was Wade, right?
Not Greg.
Yeah, well, Greg was, like, me and this other lady.
We were like, because Greg asked us at our meeting last week, if we could help with this
putting like contest thing or whatever at this event yesterday.
And then I get there.
And I find out once I'm there, Wade wasn't there yet, but like, either this other lady
Marlene or Greg had mentioned like, oh, yeah, Wade's gonna be coming soon or whatever.
And like, my mind immediately went to like, oh, like, him, like just continually trying
to like, put us together.
I don't know.
It's just like, my mind went to like, I don't know, just being kind of like annoyed or whatever.
I don't know.
So what I want to ask, let's, let's really start, um, let's, let's unpack this a little
bit.
Okay.
And I know we don't have a whole lot of time.
So we're just gonna, we're gonna start small here.
When you think about the annoyance and stuff, I like what, what is the, is there a fear
or an anxious thought that kind of surfaces?
Like what, what makes it uncomfortable?
What is, can you, can you pick out a fear, like a discomfort, like what you're worried
about?
Is there anything that kind of comes to the surface?
Or does it feel similar to something else from your past?
Yeah, I've been trying to like, think about that, um, but.
Is it, is it there?
And is there a fear to even want to have to go back and relive it?
Well, maybe like something that just popped in my head right now is like, maybe like,
I don't know.
I'm thinking like five miles down the road or whatever that like, if like eventually
like I decide that things aren't working out between him and me and like, I just like,
maybe like, yeah, I mean, we'll, we'll still be part of the same club or whatever, which
to me, that sounds super awkward then too or whatever.
But um, there's a bit of uncertainty there that, um, that like this other person like
keeps like bringing us together or whatever.
And that like, I don't know, like maybe like, um, even though like in my like mind, I'm
like, I don't really care, like whether Greg gets upset or whatever, like, like we like
go our separate ways or we're like, we're not like dating anymore or like the relationship
doesn't continue in that romantic way or whatever, but maybe like to some degree, like I'm concerned
about like how other people like see it.
Okay.
So you're, so there's some fear of, do you think there's like a fear of judgment or maybe
like expectations that like, yeah, like he sees like this relationship like blooming
and, um, yeah, that, um, so that expectations aren't met.
Are you worried that you're not going to meet expectations or are you worried that you're
not going to meet other people's expectations or both?
Well, and sometimes like I get concerned that, um, that Wade seems like super, like, I don't
know, like, which, I mean, I do enjoy like talking to him and seeing him or whatever,
but sometimes like, I'm not sure if I'm like as much into him as he is into me, I don't
know.
And like, I'm always afraid like of hurting people's feelings.
So like, that's something that's probably more, it's probably leaning more heavy that
you're afraid to let him down.
You're afraid of hurting him.
Well, I know my, my thoughts go to that.
Like when, like, I think periodically of like, um, then I'm not sure if like, well, even
like, cause like, I think I mentioned last week or whatever that like, in my mind, I
would be really surprised if it, like, if he is the one, whatever it'd be.
Like he's the first guy that I've dated since like the early 90s or whatever.
So, um, but then that could also be like, just my mind, just trying to like push
him away.
Cause, um, I still am working through like the fear of getting hurt again in
relationship, which I know like, even in just like friendship with like other
girlfriends or whatever, there's always that risk or whatever.
So, um,
yes.
So what I'm hearing, what I'm hearing is there is you're struggling
with having some confidence.
Like there's some uncertainty, like this clarity of what this would look like.
Does that resonate?
Like, yeah, I think so.
Yeah.
And you kind of, you're like, cause there's also like, when you say like, I
would be surprised if he's the one.
If someone is confident in who they are, would it surprise them that someone
would want to choose them or that they were chosen to, to be connected to that
person?
No.
So you see how that kind of goes into some of that confidence.
So when I hear you say like, I would be surprised if he is, that's showing me
that you're not quite sure you believe it yet.
So I want you to spend some time this week with Holy spirit.
And if you can, you know, post, I mean, this is going to stretch you with some
vulnerability here in the, in the group to unpack some of that vulnerability
with what is it that you are still struggling with believing God for, you
know, Jackie often talks about, you know if we don't fully believe it, are we
going to like, she kind of talks about, you know, our actions will show whether
or not we believe it or not.
And sometimes if we, we might say we do, but we still are kind of holding back
some because we're not quite sure we believe it quite yet.
Right.
So I want you to spend some time with that.
And again, like it's okay to get honest.
And in that honesty, allow Holy spirit to just spend time revealing an area that,
you know, he wants to heal.
Cause I've heard you say a couple of times, you know, like this fear of getting
hurt again.
And so I want to see if like, is there something there that this situation with
situation with Wade and Greg and all that is not kind of pointing you and
directing you towards to kind of look at.
And so it's not about just, it's not about having to have the answer of what this is
going to look like in the future.
It's not about whether or not, you know, Wade is your person or not.
It's not about having the clarity of that.
It's about Lord, what is it that you want to do in my heart in this moment and spend
time with him and share with us?
Like, what does that look like?
What, what is, what is the scary thing to confess?
You know, when we confess with a mouth, like that's when we can get some, some
really deep healing and I am not, ladies, and I say this, I mean, I say this to all
of you and I say this to myself, like I'm in a season myself of having to really get
honest and confess out loud, get really vulnerable with people and let people in
to know a part of where my hurt was and what I'm still believing or not believing
for so that God can come in and replace it with truth.
But he can't replace the, he can't replace it with truth if we're not really
honest with ourselves and we're not, we're not, we're not, we're not, we're not
ready to confess it and put it out in the light it stays in the dark it stays
in the dark you can't put it but once you expose it to the light guess what
the light shines on it and the truth gets put on it
so I know that's a heavy I know that's heavy Laura okay you probably were not
anticipating that kind of coaching response so I want you to sit with it I
want you you know really process through that really allow yours allow yourself
some space you know I want you to spend some time give yourself grace this week
and allow yourself to have some some space and some time with with you and
the Lord this week whatever that looks like for you whatever he leads and
prompts you with what is a way that you feel that you just cherish the most
when you spend one on one on one time with the Lord I want to encourage you to
do that this week and then you know I don't know if you journal but if you do
if you want to journal kind of however it is that you kind of unpack and
process things with Holy Spirit and then share share that when you feel
confident and ready but I I believe that that that piece of vulnerability and
that confession is going to help lead to some breakthrough okay okay okay we love
you thank you you're welcome all right I got Cynthia so Cynthia we've
got like about 10 minutes here do I have anybody else that has any questions I
don't I don't want to leave anyone out but I do need a hard stop at 1 145 well
it's 245 Eastern is that everybody okay Cynthia how are you
hi there you've got a little bit of a different situation yeah correct see
yeah you joined last year single and you've been in a long-term relationship
but you've joined because there's some some hesitancy so so this is gonna look
different ladies so if you're listening and you haven't seen her post which she
has this beautiful picture of her in this and you'll have to remind me of his
name yes and so yeah and you guys don't live in the same country no so I'm
originally from the UK but I've lived most of my life in Germany and he's back
in the UK okay yeah I've actually known him for 35 years it was we had a brief
relationship and we were students and then and kind of sporadically we stayed
in touch but not very closely but we did stay in touch yeah and then
and he actually found Jackie online and thought because I was having struggles
he said maybe this will help you maybe maybe great yeah I'll give it a try
and it's been a huge blessing to me so I'm really grateful and so much in the relationship
has been a huge blessing to me oh good he prays and he's pleasantly powerful
and so I've experienced a lot in that too but yeah so my questions I saw actually just before
I came on that you had replied and you'd given me some questions to think about so thank you
for that I haven't had I've kind of skimmed them as I will do that but my question today
really is it's just simply the two things first of all so I we get on really well together
we have a lot in common we're very good friends I find him physically attractive he makes me laugh
I appreciate his relationship with God he always has good ideas of what we can do
I always look forward to spending time with him and I enjoy the times together
but I don't particularly miss him when we're not together he really misses me but I don't
particularly miss him and so my first question is is that an indication that I don't love him
because my friends when they said that like what you don't miss him oh there must be something
wrong but I know that many people aren't here because I've fallen in love so many times where
it's been much more kind of thinking about them all the time and but I know often on here people
say yeah no it doesn't have to be like that and chemistry actually isn't those things
fireworks, it's much more kind of quiet. And so I thought, okay,
well, maybe it's actually normal, or not normal, but maybe
it's okay. Maybe it doesn't have to be that way. And so that
that was kind of like, first question. And the other
question is, so I had, you know, my parents had this disastrous
marriage, my dad was a very violent man. And my mom had lots
of mental health issues, and was extremely unhappy. And I spent
my childhood, and not just my childhood, all my life in big,
big self rejection. So this divine feminine is, is I really
need that. And it's I am actually quite feminine. But I
do like to stay in control. I yeah, I find it really hard to
and I think that also, that he struggles with that. And that's
something he had is in his marriage. So he was married once
before his wife divorced him. And that's so but I said in my
post, he does have some triggers. I definitely have to
say, and I'm still working on the hard work. He also I've
realized that not all of it's me, but sometimes he has
triggers. And I then worry about but then I think, is it
unreasonable to think that somebody would not have any
triggers? Because he
know, you know, we all have blind spots, or we all have
yellow flags. We all have yellow flags, we all have little blind
spots. We all have triggers. Because we all live in a cursed
world. We've all experienced hurt trauma, like we're, we're
not immune from any of that. Yeah, so it's, it is common. And
it's, it's learning. I mean, that's kind of that whole
refining process. And then that relationship and that, and, you
know, I believe in, you know, I've heard several people share
like, marriage is as a sanctification. It's a growing
and it's a mature
I can see that already now just after two years of this
relationship.
I mean, because you you really, y'all you get ready to really
die to self. You know, and that and like, again, we kind of
talked about that earlier to that, you know, that submission
piece and that surrendering and that, you know, you sacrifice
like, sometimes you you are going to put the needs of
someone else above yours, not because you don't find yourself
worthy and valuable, but it's because the lot like, because
you trust that the Lord has you and you've joined this covenant
and you put God at the center of that. And so he's not going to,
he's not going to set you in a position that's gonna, that's
gonna not set you up to be in alignment with with him. Like,
that's just not God's nature. So but we live in a cursed world.
We've all experienced hurt. We all struggle with sin. We all
have that stuff. We all have those areas. And so um, it's
not
you know, between an unhealthy guy, and just somebody who has
triggers, we all do what we're kind of
this is very, you know, you, you, you've spent some time with
I mean, you guys have been together for two years. And it's,
and again, like, even in marriage, like, my husband was
open and teachable. And I saw, I saw evidence of that, before we
got married. And then when we've been married, and he had that
evidence in me, but then we both have struggles still. And so
we've had to kind of grow in that. And so my husband is, is
open and is teachable. But he sometimes steps into his
triggers of defensiveness from his, his wounds from his
childhood, and, and what he was raised in, and he was in a
marriage, an 11 year marriage that was very, very toxic. And,
you know, his relationship with his mother, and then even his
father being separated, you know, and so there's a, there's
a growing there too. And there's sometimes a resistance that he's
had over the years. But there's still that commitment and that
dedication and that openness of, of, I can rely on him. He's
shown me that over time when we were dating and engaged, and
even in our marriage, like that, like, that's what you're like,
you that those are examples that you're looking for. Okay, you're
not
looking for perfection, because you're not going to find it.
It's being able to extend grace while still working
on ourselves.
And like, again, it's surrendering to the Lord.
Like, I have to sometimes, like, I'm sitting here.
I'm going to be real with y'all.
I'll sit there and go to the Lord,
and I'll go pray for my husband.
And I'll be like, OK, Lord, this is what you need to do.
This is what you need to do with my husband.
You need to show him this.
You need to do this.
You need to do that.
He needs to learn this, God.
You need to direct him to start doing this.
And y'all, that's my stuff.
And you know, like, sometimes God's like, I got you.
I got you, my daughter.
I get it.
And he lets me sit in that, and he won't say a thing to me.
The Lord will just be like, OK, just you
can vent to me, my daughter.
And then sometimes he'll be like, OK,
I'm working on that with him.
But guess what?
You're his wife, but you're not his creator.
You're not his maker.
So Carla, I'm going to need you to trust me.
I'm going to need you to trust that I know what's best,
and I see the whole picture.
You only see part.
What I need from you, Carla, this
is what the Lord tells me, I need
you to just step in obedience to what I'm asking you to do.
Focus on you.
What is it that I'm calling you to work on?
And then I sit with that.
And then sometimes I pick it back up, and I'm like, Lord,
here he goes again.
I thought I saw some like, oh, Lord, look, you're showing up.
And then I'm like, what?
Here we go again.
He got triggered by something, and he just shut me down.
And I'm like, that didn't make me feel good.
And then God's like, you're right.
But I've shown you in time your husband's heart.
It's about the information that you've collected over time.
What does the consistency show you?
So ladies, for Cynthia, she's had some time with him.
Now, many of you that are going to be entering into dating,
you're only going to have very little information.
You're only going to have a couple dates or some exchanges
through a message.
You're not going to have all the details.
So it's going to be slightly different.
But this is for when you ladies do
step into more of an exclusive relationship.
I want you to recall this.
It is that surrender.
It is that supernatural just like, OK, Lord,
what have you shown me over time with this person?
How does he show up consistently?
My husband has this thing.
And it used to drive me crazy when he said this.
He has the 80-20 rule, y'all.
His 80-20 rule used to, I mean, I
would want to take that 80-20 rule
and shove it down his throat.
Because he's like, 80% of the time, things are good.
And 20% of the time, he's like, and I'm good.
And I'm like, well, yeah, 80% of the time for you, it's good.
But maybe it's 80% of the time it's not good for me.
And it's only 20% of the time.
And so I had to learn, but what was I choosing to focus on?
We're only going to see a majority of what
we choose to focus on.
And so I want, I know we're coming up on time here.
I want to just kind of direct you there of just spend
some time processing and unpacking,
like where are you choosing to focus?
What are you looking at?
What evidence has he shown you?
What are things that God is speaking you to focus on?
Because again, it's very easy for us
to want to sit there and step into that control.
But Lord, I want this to happen, and I want you to do this.
Y'all, I say it because I've done it, clearly.
But I want you to challenge yourself.
of to shift that focus.
And I wanna just encourage you,
just because you don't miss someone
in the way that someone might miss you
doesn't mean that you don't love them.
Everybody experiences feelings and emotions different.
It will look different for you because guess what?
We've all had different life experiences.
You know, and one thing that I kind of heard
is like, you're like, well, I don't miss him,
but then you shared how you grew up
with this violent father and this unhealthiness.
And there was some just like,
did you ever really see what close emotional connection
looked like?
Was that ever modeled for you?
I saw it in other people, other couples around me,
but not, so like in the church was very wonderful church.
I mean, it's like saving grace and people pray for me.
But like daily.
Yeah, so do you see how sometimes it's like,
when we, when our daily life did not model that,
we have to learn what that looks like.
And so it could just be a process of you learning
of what that emotional connection would look like.
So it doesn't mean that you don't have adoration
or, you know, love for somebody.
You don't care about somebody just because it doesn't look
the way it looks for somebody else.
Okay, so I hope that helps.
A couple minutes over.
Yeah, thank you very much.
Okay, ladies, thank you so much.
I'm glad to be here.
What's that?
I'm glad to be here with you all on Facebook.
All right, so yes, ladies,
I will post that activation in our app.
Make sure that you, if you can come tonight,
go into the events tab.
If you grab that to join Jackie
and those that are in phase three.
So it'll just, I think it will just be phase three
and phase two.
I don't know if we're inviting phase one ladies or not.
I didn't get informed of that.
So, but definitely check that out
and I will see you all next week
and just keep coming with all your questions,
get vulnerable, share what, you know,
God's highlighting to you this week.
Okay, don't be shy.
All right, ladies, God bless you all.
Bye.
There we go.
See you later, ladies.