Okay, I have my glasses on, but I have the most hilarious story for you guys.
Welcome to ladies night.
Get you a little blanket, get you a little sody or your coffee.
If you're drinking coffee this late at night, then more power to you.
Maybe some tea, maybe a glass of wine, whatever it is that you want.
This is a new Olipop flavor called Shirley Temple.
These are those fiber drinks and let me tell you what, 40 calories, nine grams of fiber,
nine y'all.
No added sugars.
I mean, some of the flavors might have a little added something, but this stuff, it'll make
you poop, right?
So if you have a problem with that, then you want this.
You want to drink these suckers, but they taste really good.
It's like a little fiber soda.
Anyway, I want to tell you a little story.
So let's see, there's people are rolling on here.
There's 51 of us.
We're going to have fun tonight.
That's what tonight's about.
You guys, we're here to have fun.
We're here to have fun.
I'm going to clean my little camera off.
I'm at my daughter's house.
She's not here.
She's doing a little worship night over at the wheelhouse tonight, but I went to have
my annual eye appointment today and I had them go ahead and do a contact lens exam.
I have not worn contacts since I was in my twenties and I'm in my fifties now.
But I thought, you know, for my son's wedding, I would like to not have to wear any glasses
for my son's wedding, right?
For the pictures and all the things.
So they have you put in the contacts as you contact wearers know.
But for those of you that are not a contact wearer, they have you like the doctor has
you put them in in front of you, in front of them, so that they know that you know how
to do it.
And so I used to wear contacts in my twenties, so I know how to do it.
So it took me forever to get them in.
So they're distance vision, but I'm over 50 now, okay?
So I can't, when I, when I want to see something close up, I have to take my distance glasses
off to see close up.
Well, the contacts are in your eyes.
So that's not going to work.
So I had these contacts in and I can't read anything.
I'm home now because you know, I left the place with them in and I'm like, this is great.
I don't have glasses.
I can see, I can drive.
I get home and I can't see anything.
I can't read anything.
I'm trying to do something.
I can't do it.
I'm like, I'm going to have to take these off.
I'm going to have to take them out.
I'm going to have to waste this pair because I have to throw them away as soon as I take
them out because they're like daily contacts.
You guys, I could not get them out of my eyes.
I almost had a panic attack.
They were suctioned to my eyeball.
I was trying my best to get them out.
I couldn't figure out how to do it.
It was bad.
I almost drove back to the doctor's office to have them help me get them out because
they're for astigmatisms and they're strong contacts.
They're like suctioned on your eye and it was just, it was mayhem.
And the whole time that was happening, I'm like, I'm a total reality show.
Just me, just in general.
I'm just a hot mess express.
I don't know what else to say.
It's just bad.
So I did get them out.
Finally took a long time and now back to my glasses, which I have to admit I like better
because I can just take them on and take them off.
I don't need readers yet.
I can see up close just fine as long as I don't have those on or that prescription contacts
in my eyes.
You love my shirt.
Oh, I have a little color on ladies.
I wore this for you on purpose because we're doing a little makeover night tonight.
So you guys are used to seeing me in dark colors, neutrals, brown, black, cream, red.
Red's not a neutral, but it's still part of that basic color scheme.
You guys are used to that.
But this shirt, as you can see, this is very bright.
It's like a little polo situation.
It's even cuter than the camera is letting on that it is.
And some of us need to get some color in our lives.
Talking directly to myself and I bought this shirt because I knew that I needed to add
some colors for my life.
And so we'll jump off there.
You guys, we could do a little Ask Jackie hybrid because I wasn't able to be at Ask
Jackie this month.
I'm trying to think of what happened.
Something happened.
There's been a lot of chaotic things that have been going on.
I don't fully remember what it was, but I do know that I did.
I hurt my, I re hurt my back.
That's what it was.
Yes.
You guys, apparently now anytime I do anything.
That's not just walking. My back, my back does something different than it should.
And so wasn't, that wasn't good. Alright, so yes, I am feeling better. I did notice
my back was getting a little tweaked out today, so keep me in your prayers when
you pray. Just add a little line item and God heal Jackie's back. Okay, so we're
gonna have fun tonight. If you haven't been to a ladies night before, this is a
grab bag. Any questions that you have, we usually do some things that are for
ladies only. This is our one time where we get to get together in VIP community
in phase three where no guys are listening in. No one else knows what's
going on here, so no holds barred. You can ask anything you want. We can jump into
any conversation that we, that we need and we can just go, go, go, go. We can go for
it. Someone's saying you should get the bifocal contacts. I mean, maybe, but I
don't need bifocals. My up-close vision is really good, so maybe they have like
contacts where the bottom of them have no prescription, like nothing on the
bottom and then you can, when you look down, you can just see regular. I don't
know. Alright, ladies, I want to do a little makeover. If anyone wants, if
anyone's brave enough, okay, because if you ask me for my opinion, I'm going to
give it to you, but if anyone's brave enough to jump into the hot seat for a
little makeover, a little mini makeover magic, then we can do that, but you can
see how this color, these colors, because this is in my color palette. I'm a winter.
Anyone know what the colors are? And if you know your color, go ahead and put it
in the chat. You know your season. I'm sorry, your season. You know, a lot of
people think, oh, well, I'm a spring, so I can't wear this color. I'm a fall, so I
can't wear this color. That's not true. You can wear any color. It's just the
shade of that color. That's the important part. Like, I can't wear pastels. Pastels
wash me out. I'm a pretty tan person just naturally. They make me look washed out.
There's no color in my face if I put on a pastel, except for light blue, light and
light yellow. Those look good on me for some reason. Okay, let's see. We have
winters. Winters usually look good in jewel tones. People that can wear bright
colors, like you look good in neons a lot of time. You look good in bright colors,
like this red is a jewel tone right here. There's a greenish color. Navy. Navy. I
look better in navy than I do in black. I can wear black, but I look better in navy
blue. So the color of this, I know it looks black, but it's really navy blue.
Fall, spring in here. Navy is my black. Yes, I think that I'm spring. We've toyed
around for a ladies night about thinking about bringing someone in to do colors.
What do you guys think about that? Now, what would have to happen in order to do
that since we're virtual is everyone would have to be on camera. And everyone
would have to bring their like their favorite pieces of clothing. So that the
person that does your colors can see like what like this is the shirt that I love to
wear. This is my favorite outfit. This is and let's see, you know, whether it
brightens your face. The whole premise behind your season is that it makes your
eyes pop. It makes your skin look nice and healthy. It gives color to your face.
It makes your hair look nice. That's how you know. One quick way to gauge whether
or not what you have on is your season. When you wear it, people compliment you.
Oh, that looks so nice on you. Oh, you look so young, or you look so vibrant, or
you look so joyful, or they just give you some kind of positive adjective when you
wear that thing. So think about what that is and put it in the chat. When you put it
When you put it on, people are like, wow, you look good.
I see a lot of winters in here.
Royal blue. I can rock that color too. I love that color. I can wear red. Anyone look
great. First of all, we all look great in red. It's just different tones of red. I
can't wear true red. True red is not a good color. I can't wear true red. I can't
wear true red.
that has a lot of blue undertone in it.
That's what true red looks like.
I can't wear that, but I can wear orange red.
An orangey red, that looks good on me.
Yes, pink.
And there's all different versions of pink.
There's hot pink.
There's this bubblegum pink, this Barbie pink.
I call this Barbie pink.
There's Barbie pink.
There's hot pink.
Anyone like some fuchsia, some hot pink?
Fuchsia's more red pink, but hot pink is,
you guys remember, we wore it in the 80s.
Okay, so here's the thing.
Looking better is as simple as
wearing something in your color palette.
Isn't that crazy?
You can give yourself a little mini makeover
just by wearing something that's your color.
And you guys, and I understand because I'm a neutral girl.
I love black.
It's so easy.
I love white.
It's so easy.
I love tan-ish, not tan-tan, but I love a neutral beige,
which I look terrible in, by the way.
But it's so easy, because it goes with everything.
I love this one taupe-y color, blush color pink.
But it looks terrible on me.
I mean, it literally is the same color like as,
it's not the color of my skin.
I do like this one color that is the same color of my skin.
And every time I wear it, my husband's like,
you look naked.
You don't even look like you have a shirt on.
Like, that shirt's the same color as your skin.
Anybody else?
Anybody else ever seen a picture?
I just told my friend this the other day.
She sent me a picture of her at Disney World with her son,
and they're here.
But in the background, back here, there's some people.
And one of the ladies has on like a beige tank top,
and I had to double-take,
because it looked like she was topless.
It looked like she was naked.
Has anyone ever seen anyone with darker skin like me?
So, olive skin, Hispanic skin, black skin.
Has anyone ever seen anyone like that
in flesh-colored yoga pants?
You will look twice, three times, four times
to make sure that that person has pants on,
because you think they are pants-less.
You just do.
Okay, some people can rock this color.
I don't know who, but it's not me, right?
And it's probably not you either.
Someone in here maybe, but most of you, no.
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Okay, so go ahead and put in the chat
a color that you gravitate towards,
because you like it, but it looks terrible on you.
It looks terrible on you.
You know it.
People always say to you,
look, everyone should have a Barb in their life.
My mother-in-law's name is Barb,
and she's 82 years old, and she will say,
Jackie, that shirt is not your season.
You're a winter.
Like, she will scold me,
because she comes from that generation
where you dressed in your color palette.
You just did.
And she'd be like, nope, that's not your color.
Not your color.
And it could be something that even looks decent on me,
something close to my palette,
and she'd be like, no.
She's hardcore, man.
She could be on a What Not to Wear show,
because she is kind of mean, actually.
She's one of those ladies that'll be like,
are you gonna wear that?
Like, I was thinking about it,
but now you have me doubting whether I should or not.
You guys, I have a lot of rough critics in my life.
I have a friend, and she comes from a culture
that just thinks everyone should be as skinny as possible.
That's just her culture.
And if you're bigger than skinny,
then you just, it's not good.
And I saw her just recently,
and she hadn't seen me for a while,
and she's like, Jackie.
She said, what happened?
You're so fat.
I was like, thanks, Lily.
Like, what the heck?
But she's just, she just comes from,
she just comes from a culture.
She comes from a country where everyone,
it's very prioritized to be very, very, very thin.
In fact, they have stores in that culture
that are called, the word translated into English
just means fatso,
and it's for people that are over a size four.
So it's just kind of fun.
No, she's not from Argentina.
She's she's Asian.
It is really is really fun.
Funny funny fun, but you know, I'm already almost 6 feet tall.
So hello.
I'm not going to be a size 2.
Okay, so you guys all relative but look, I believe this with all my
heart because we're going to little makeovers tonight.
We could do a little ask Jackie if you guys want to jump into that
since you guys missed me this month, but
everybody
can look good with whatever you're working with.
Everybody everybody can there isn't anyone who can't
use whatever you got to work with and and feel your best and put your
best foot forward, especially when you're out here meeting new people.
And I know that we get really really ticked off when we think about
men being visual.
Okay, I've had so many women get very not just angry but very hurt when
they feel like men are just superficial
in the area of looks.
So I want to talk about that for a second you guys because some of this
culture and there's definitely trends in culture.
A lot of us grew up in the 60s 70s 80s when very very thin was in style.
You know, all of the supermodels that needed to sandwich, you know, you
just want to give them a sandwich because they look like they needed a
sandwich that's coming back in style with all this GLP stuff like
Hollywood is bringing is trying to bring that back.
Just the really sickly skinny looks like your anorexic badness.
We don't ascribe to that.
Okay.
I love the trend where athleticism was in style healthy bodies were in
style body positivity.
Now body positivity has a fine line, you know, if you're healthy and
you're living a healthy life, whatever your body looks like.
That's what it looks like.
But if you're not healthy, we're not going to celebrate, you know, we're
not going to celebrate people that are not living healthy lives just to
be inclusive.
That's that doesn't make any sense to me.
I mean that's not doing anyone any favors.
So we're not going to talk about the trends now.
There are men who are watching porn.
They have unrealistic expectations of what women's bodies look like
they're fixated on youth and on young women.
We don't want those men.
We don't care about those men.
They're not all the men.
They're not even the majority of men.
And so I want you just to let go of that.
If you meet a man like that, thank you next.
You listening?
If you meet a man like that that acts like you're not valuable because of
your age, you're not valuable because you're not some ideal of what he says
a woman should look like.
He's telling you everything that you need to know about him without you
wasting any of your time or life on potentially trying to get to know him.
I call that good.
Don't you?
I love it.
I call it good.
So but I do deal with a lot of women who still get very very upset when nice
guys guys that are not like that.
They're not hyper fixated on sexuality and sexiness and youth and women's
bodies and their butts and their boobs and all the different things and
wanting something that they don't measure up to because most of the time
they do not look like what it is that they're looking for.
But all the other guys that still gravitate towards women that in your
mind, you think are young and are thinner.
I want to explain this for a second.
I've done some research on this.
I've prayed into it.
I've been running into this a lot in the last six years with Mary in 12 months
or less and last year single and what I have seen is that a lot of that is
biology.
It's not even cultural.
It's biology.
I know we don't like to hear this about ourselves, but there is a animalistic
tendency that we have in our flesh.
Remember our flesh was the fallen part of us.
So our flesh instead of being higher elevated our elevated self our higher
self is our spirit man.
And the soul is kind of caught in a tug-of-war in between the spirit and
the flesh, right?
But our flesh it in our flesh.
We have a lot of biology just ways that were hardwired and a lot of that.
Please hear me out has to do with procreation.
It has to do with procreation and it's not conscious.
It's not a conscious thought men aren't sitting around saying I want to pick
the healthiest woman to procreate with.
to have my babies, especially older men
that don't necessarily want to have children anymore.
And their age bracket or their dating pool
would be older women who don't want to have children anymore
or past the age of having children.
It's still an unconscious kind of hard wiring
where they're still looking for the healthiest person.
Do you guys understand what I'm saying?
And there are attributes of the feminine body
that send an unspoken signal about that woman's fertility,
okay, about that woman's health.
And it's important that we understand
that this is a lot of what's going on with these men
when they're looking at pictures of women
or they're scrolling through dating apps
and different things.
If they're not the guys that are addicted to porn,
if they're not the guys that have bought into
all these really unrealistic, almost bizarre expectations
of what women should look like,
then they are men that in their flesh,
they're just hardwired to be looking
for health and fertility.
Do you see what I'm saying?
Now, what does that say for all of us women,
including myself, that are over the age of childbearing?
It means that they're not looking for younger women.
And I know a lot of us believe that,
but the Lord really showed me this.
So I want you to listen
because this is not even just me talking.
I believe that Holy Spirit showed me this.
They're looking for youthfulness,
not youth, but youthfulness.
Does that make sense to you?
Do you guys understand what I'm saying?
And I talk about this in phase two.
I know we did invite phase two to come tonight.
I don't know if they will or not
because they do have their own session,
but I wanted them to experience
what a ladies' night is all about.
But let's see.
I wanna see for a sec.
I don't know.
I can't, I really can't tell who's in phase two.
Oh, some people are from phase two.
Hi, phase two.
We're so excited to have you guys.
Okay, so I talk about this in phase two
when I talk about the divine feminine.
Ladies, if you want to be attractive to a man,
it isn't about looking like you're 20 years younger,
but it is about remembering what you were like
when you were 20 years younger.
More carefree, full of joy or laughter,
having fun, more laid back.
And I'm not talking about laid back
to the point of letting someone
be toxically passive in your life.
I'm not talking about any of that.
But one thing that happens to women as we get older
is we get a little bit harder.
And another thing that happens to women
that have been single for a long time as they get older,
they get a lot more responsible.
A lot more responsible, right?
And responsibility can come off as rigidness.
It can come off as being rigid.
It can come off as being frigid.
And I will tell you, because I coach men
and I've coached men for a really long time,
the biggest fear men have
is that they're going to marry a woman
who is hard to deal with
because she's always worried about something.
She doesn't know how to let her hair down.
She doesn't know how to have fun.
And she doesn't like to have sex.
That's their biggest fear.
They're so simple.
You guys, stop making men so complicated.
They're so fricking simple.
God love them.
I heard someone just recently say God made Adam
and then the female Eve was Mankind 2.0.
And I have to agree.
Women are on a higher operating system.
We are.
God love these men.
They can build stuff and we thank them for it.
And I'm not downplaying the masculine.
It is part of God's nature.
And it is a serving, building,
leading prototype.
And I love it.
But women are so more complex, okay?
Men are the pack of eight primary colors
and women are that 164 box of crayons
that you always wanted and your mom would never buy you
that had the sharpener and had atomic tangerine
and electric lime and all the crazy colors.
That's you.
So stop making men complicated.
You know what men want?
They wanna live in peace.
They want peace.
They wanna be able to please you.
They wanna be able to make you happy.
If they feel, even unconsciously,
in the first couple dates with you,
the first couple, you guys, not two weeks in,
not three months in, day one, day two,
that you're the kind of person that's hard to please,
that you're the kind of person
that has crazy expectations that cannot be met.
And I'm not telling you not to have standards.
I'm not telling you to dumb yourself down, but if you've not done your heart work and
you're showing up like, you know, what have you done for me lately, if you're showing
up, you know, hard to please, if you're showing up high maintenance, it's not attractive.
It's not.
What you're basically telling that man is that you're going to work this relationship
like a job and I'm probably still not going to be happy with you.
So if you lost your joy, we got to go find it.
If you lost your sense of humor, you got to go find it before you get out in these dating
streets.
If you can't laugh at yourself and other people appropriately, you got to go find it.
If you show up like he's got to prove something to you and he's got to pay for all what every
other man ever did in your life, oh, honey, no, all right, we got to unpack all that
before we get here.
All right.
So let's talk about this.
Let's talk about what this looks practically because you thought I was going to like mini
makeover and we can, we can critique your hairstyle.
Some of you have had the same hairstyle since high school and it's time for a change, okay?
I wish I could show you a picture of one of my students, Donna, she doesn't even look
like the same person.
We gave her a complete makeover.
She came into this program with a poof y'all.
She had a poof, you know, the poof from the eighties and nineties.
Well, she had it sweet mother Jesus.
She was teasing and back home in a little poof and her hair was fine.
So just look, made it look even more fine and she didn't ever, she didn't have any makeup
on like any, and she was wearing like clothes that made her look 20 years older than she
was.
And you guys, I was on a coaching call with her.
This is early, this is early six years ago.
This is so I was still doing coaching calls.
Did you guys know I used to do coaching calls with every single person that came in the
program like early on, like six years ago.
And I was on a coaching call with her and I said, okay, so the age bracket of man we're
looking for is like 60 to 70.
She's like, what?
And I was like, well, how old are you Donna?
And then she told me, and she was like three years older than me.
I'm like, shut the front door.
I was like, we need a makeover staff stat.
So she came to my very first retreat in 2021 in Austin, Texas.
And guess what?
We got a little hands on her and we gave her a makeover.
And then after that makeover, she had another coaching call with me and I gave her a consultation
on what to tell her hairdresser and what to tell this person and what to look for.
And I'm telling you what, I'll put a before and after in your group so you can see, but
doesn't even look like the same woman.
You wouldn't even know that it's the same person.
You guys, a little bit goes such a long way, such a long way.
She was already beautiful.
She just was hiding behind.
I mean, she had like, I think she had given birth to like 11 kids.
Yeah.
And then she unfortunately had to get divorced.
So 11 kids in, divorced.
I think it was 11.
I think I'm, I think I got that number right.
So she had been used to putting herself last is all I'm saying.
Okay.
So let's talk about this.
What are some things that you ladies feel like you're struggling with in this category
of showing up a little rigid, a little frigid, a little closed off, a little walled off,
not fun, no sense of humor.
You get offended really easily.
You know, when he makes a joke that you don't like, or says something walking on eggshells,
anyone feel like you got that going on, forgot how to smile ladies, these platysmal bands
in your neck.
Look at this.
Look at these little, these, these, these, these are called platysmal bands.
These are the muscles and tendons that cause you to smile.
And okay.
As we get older, pretty much anytime after 40, these start to pull down the corners of
your mouth.
This is what resting bitch face is.
Okay.
RBF is just, you're getting older and these bands are starting to pull down your mouth.
So if you're not actively talking or actively smiling and you're just at rest, a lot of
times it looks like you're frowning.
You hear me?
You're like, Jackie, what are you saying?
And what are you saying? I'm just saying mind your face.
Mind it.
Okay,
pay attention to it.
Ask yourself in your head when you're sitting at meeting
someone when you're out in public and you're hoping to run
into someone,
you know that might want to take you on a date or something.
Just make sure that you remind your face not to look mad and
angry like the angry cat.
We don't want to look like angry cat.
He's cute, but he's a cat.
You know what Audrey Hepburn said that, you know, a pretty
girl is a happy girl.
And that really annoys a lot of us because we're like whatever
but it's true.
You guys so much of your looks have to do with
smiling.
I want to see everyone's best smile right now.
Best smile with or without teeth.
Let's see it.
I'm scrolling through.
Come on.
You guys got some great looks.
I'm scrolling through.
Come on.
You guys got some great smiles.
This is how a man's going to fall in love right now.
Just so you know.
Smiling.
Come on, Emily.
Let's see it.
Smile.
Chill.
Let's go.
There you go.
Pearly whites.
All right.
So that being said the biggest thing that you can do
in my opinion for a makeover is
think about your teeth.
Crest white strips.
There's all kinds of different things out there now.
Just give your teeth a little makeover.
Just give them a little makeover.
You know,
I'm a teeth person.
Anyone else a teeth person?
You like teeth?
You like teeth.
You're hoping to find a man who's got great teeth because
you like teeth.
Someone's like my dad's a dentist.
Yeah.
All right.
So it doesn't matter if you have dentures y'all if you have a
partial none of that matters.
What matters is you can work with what you got.
You can smile more.
You can
you can clean them up.
You can
you guys they have teeth cleanings for new patients new
patients special teeth cleanings and x-rays $99.
Okay.
Seriously.
And some of you may not want to do this, but you know that you
can go to the dental school and get a free teeth cleaning
or like almost free like 25 bucks where people are learning
to be hygienists and stuff.
You can go to in your area.
I promise you there's one of those schools and they have a
day where you can go if you're really hard up for cash.
I used to go to the
Oh, and here's another thing.
Here's the tips.
Here's the Jackie tips.
I used to go to the Aveda school.
I love Aveda products.
They smell so good.
I used to go to that stylist school where the kids are going
to school to be hairstylists under the brand Aveda.
I used to go there.
I think it was like Tuesdays and Thursdays.
You can get manis and petties for like 30 bucks.
You can get your haircut.
You can get highlights and you guys are all being supervised
by a master stylist.
So they're not going to mess you up.
I never had a bad experience.
I never did.
I never got anything drastic done there.
Don't get a perm.
My God, don't get a perm.
You guys, please.
I know that they are going to lie to you and tell you that
perms are different now.
They're not.
Perms are same as they've always been a bad idea to not
ever get a perm.
Okay, so go to the Aveda salon or whatever the Paul Mitchell
salon school the school.
Find out call them find out what days their students are
taking because you guys in order to get their licenses,
they have to practice on people.
They have to and remember they're being overseen by
master stylist.
That's their teachers.
And so it's not scary.
All right.
All right, who wants to be brave enough to jump in?
Tetracycline stains on your teeth and Dennis tell me that
bleaching won't work.
Yes, it is true.
If you don't know what a tetracycline stain is you guys
it was antibiotics back in the day.
And one of the side effects of those antibiotics was it
stains your teeth.
Some people I had a boyfriend who had tetracycline stains
and his teeth look like little candy corns, you know, the
different colors, you know, and he was a hot guy.
And so he had that he had that going on.
And so for people that have that you might want to look
into
they have this thing called
let me think for like I think for a minute was called it's
called not bonding is called composite resin.
deposit resin, and it's so much cheaper than veneers,
and so many dentists do it now.
It's just a really, they don't shave your teeth down
like the old veneers.
They put this little tiny shell on top of your tooth
that just covers your tooth, like a little,
your tooth just puts on a little, a little shell.
So look into that.
They have payment plans.
Like I said, it's a much cheaper,
veneers are super expensive, and veneers,
the old type of veneers, they shave your teeth down
into little fangs.
Don't let them shave your teeth, you guys.
That's not even necessary anymore.
Don't do that.
But anyway, whoever said that,
Jeannie, I think, about the tetracycline stains.
And you know what else?
Rock it out.
Put on some lipstick that looks good with your teeth.
That's another thing, you guys,
so many times I see people that are wearing a lipstick shade
that makes your teeth look yellow.
Why?
Let's not do this.
You cannot do this.
Do not wear lipstick that has violet,
or that has yellow and green and brown undertones.
Your teeth are gonna look yellow.
Blue undertones, too.
If you wear like a blue-red lipstick,
even if you have really white teeth, uh-uh, okay?
You want lipsticks with undertones
that make your teeth look whiter.
And it's a really easy way to find out.
If you can't look in the mirror and tell,
then put up a sheet of white paper next to your teeth
and see if your teeth look yellow with lipstick on.
That's how you do it.
Just put up a piece of paper,
white paper right next to your teeth,
and say, ah, do my teeth, do my teeth look yellow?
Don't wear lipstick that makes your teeth look yellow.
Okay, all right, who wants to jump in there?
Tamika, let's see you.
Let me, I'm gonna turn on the light
because it's getting dark in here.
Let me turn on the light.
Okay.
Hi.
All right.
All right, Tamika.
Yes.
What do you want us to talk to you about?
What do you want to do?
I struggle with performance-based dating.
What I mean by that is I want to show up
as my authentic self.
I'm a fun-loving person.
I like to laugh.
I like to joke.
I have a sense of humor,
but sometimes I come in as,
I gotta make sure I do everything just right
to get a second date.
And I think I'm in my way at times.
How do I balance the being feminine,
bringing my feminine self to a date
versus just being the fun-loving person
that I know I am?
Okay, such a great question.
How many of you would say
that I'm in that boat rowing with Tamika?
Like I find myself really trying
to win this person over,
to make them like me.
Doesn't even matter if I like them.
I haven't even decided if I like them yet,
but I'm just trying to get them to like me
because I don't want to be rejected.
I just want them to give me a second date.
Right?
Let's see.
How many of you,
just put in the chat,
put yes, that's me.
I'm just trying to find a better place to sit, you guys.
That couch is hurting my back.
Okay.
All right, so you guys,
this is kind of a form of anxious attachment,
sort of a form of anxious attachment.
So basically what you're saying
is that my value comes from your approval.
Feel me?
My value comes from people's approval.
And so Tamika, first off,
I just want you to think to yourself like,
am I only like this with romantic possibilities?
Or is this a theme of my life?
Did I have to perform for approval or affection as a child?
What do you got, Tamika?
Is this a pattern throughout your life?
Yes, it's a pattern.
Yeah. Okay.
And who in your life started the pattern with you,
where you felt like you weren't accepted
unless you just crossed all the T's
and dotted all the I's?
I started with the parents.
Parents.
Yeah.
Okay.
And it just continued on.
Right.
And have you ever been married before?
No, I've not been married.
Have you been in a long-term relationship?
No.
Okay.
All right.
So, here's the thing.
And for everyone who deals with this,
I've dealt with a lot of people
who have more of an anxious attachment style,
and this is how it shows up in dating.
And you have to get to a place where you are okay
with someone rejecting you when you're being yourself.
Okay?
Okay.
And you have to get to, and this is how you're gonna do it.
You're going to, you can't erase the pattern,
but you can replace the pattern.
Has anyone ever sewed anything?
Has anyone ever made anything from scratch by sewing?
Okay.
So we follow something called patterns, right?
When we sew.
And for those of you that have never sewn,
it is a tedious process and I hated it.
So I quit, but there are people that are really good at it.
And some people can sew without a pattern,
but when you have a pattern,
like say you're gonna make a dress,
you cut out the different pieces of the dress
and you put the material over the pieces of the pattern
and you cut the pieces of the material out
so they match the pattern.
This big piece of paper
that has all the different pieces of the dress.
And if you want to make the dress
that's on the front of the package,
you're going to follow that pattern to the T.
All right?
And if you're me, you're gonna get halfway through
and then you're gonna cuss
and then you're gonna throw it in the trash.
All right.
But for the people that follow the pattern and did it right,
they made the dress exactly what it looked like
on the front.
But if you make, like say, you know,
it has a bow right here and you don't really want the bow,
you don't want the bow to be the empire waist or the bow.
You don't want that.
So you just omit that part of the pattern
and then what happens?
You get a different product, don't you?
If you change any piece of the pattern,
you're going to get a different product.
Now, Tamika can't change the pattern
that she was given as a child,
that she was given, it was taught and it was also caught.
Right?
Her parents taught it by their behavior
and they also had her catch it by just watching them
it's ingrained to a certain extent.
So the only way that Tamika can come against this,
the only way she can change the product
because that pattern has given her the product
of a people pleaser is brought on the product
of someone who's always performing,
always editing themselves,
seeing, am I what this person wants?
Am I giving them what they need?
You know, am I making them happy?
She's never stopping to ask herself,
does she even like them?
Is she happy?
Does she even want a relationship with this person?
Not even just a romance, but friendships, all the things.
So the way that she's going to start to change the product
of her fear of rejection, fear of man,
people pleasing, performing,
is she is going to change
just one little piece of the pattern.
So Tamika, this is where we're going to start.
One little baby step.
Tell me what it is.
What do you do every single time
that you're just going to stop doing this time around?
Just one thing.
I'm just going to show up as myself.
I mean, that's a big, that's a big bite of the elephant
because it's like, then what is my,
what is myself and what does that look like?
Tell me one thing that you know that you do
when you're performing, just one thing.
Do you, are you too amicable?
Do you just, do you let them talk the entire time?
Do you let them pick the place?
Do you, do you check your text messages constantly
to see if they're going to ask you out again?
Like something, one thing that you do.
I'm agreeable.
I think I'm too agreeable.
You're too agreeable.
Let's get, give me a scenario.
Give me a scenario.
Uh, when someone asks me something that I like to do
or I'm usually letting them do most of the talking
and I'm just either agreeing or nodding or just going along,
sometimes I don't get a chance to share what I like
or what I'm into.
I'm just kind of going along with whatever that person
is saying that they enjoy doing.
Okay.
All right.
So the next time that Tameka's asked where she wants to eat,
what kind of food she likes, where she wants to go,
instead of saying, you know, I'm open, you know,
whatever you think, she's going to give an answer.
Okay.
That's one small thing.
And I want to tell you ladies,
I know that we call them pick me girls, right?
And we think, especially if we come from
a certain generation,
we think that if we just are really easy for a man
and we just go along with the flow and whatever he wants
and you know, we just let him talk and we nod
and we laugh when we're supposed to,
that they're going to choose us.
But I'm telling you the good men, the healthy men,
they don't want a woman like that.
Okay.
My son broke up with a beautiful girl.
This girl was so pretty on the outside.
But I said, you know, what happened?
You know, this was the only.
The girl that he even kind of dated before his now fiance,
he gets married in less than 10 days.
I said, I said, what didn't you like about her?
And he said, she didn't have her own opinions.
He said, it was like whatever I wanted.
She was just like, okay.
And I just thought it was so boring.
It's boring.
Yeah.
Men, guys, there's a fine line
between being a challenge and being challenging.
There's a fine line between being a challenge
and being challenging.
And I'm gonna tell you one thing, men like a challenge.
They really do.
They like a challenge.
They don't like someone who's challenging, okay?
Because you're always upset
and it's just a challenging relationship.
But they do like a challenge.
They do wanna win you over.
They do want to learn more about you,
to be intrigued by you.
And so what Tamika is gonna do
is she's gonna show up with some thoughts of her own.
All right, can you think of anything else
that you know that you do?
That you're trying to win the second date?
Things that you do to try to win the second date?
Anything?
Nothing.
That would just be the agreeable part
and just kind of going along with the flow.
I sometimes, well, I don't actively flirt
if I'm interested in someone.
For some reason, I forget how to do that.
So I don't know if that's something I can do as well.
No, you gotta do it.
Now, listen, ladies, a lot of ladies have no problem
being really fun and funny with men they do not like.
But as soon as you meet someone
that you're even halfway interested in,
it's like you forget your own name.
You don't even know what's going on.
In fact, some women will go as far as that
if they like a guy, they will act very disinterested.
Like they won't make eye contact.
They will just act kind of like almost mean looking.
Like say you're in community with someone
and you think a guy's cute.
And when he walks by, you look away.
You don't make eye contact.
You pretend like you don't notice him.
But if it's a guy that you're not interested in
that you don't wanna have a date with,
you're like chatting and you're like, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Okay, all right.
So this is another thing that she can do differently.
All right, just one thing.
And the reason why is friends, it's fear of rejection.
There's no fear of rejection from someone
that you don't really care whether they accept you or not.
But there is fear of rejection for someone
that you're interested or intrigued by.
And so what you have to do is you have to, just one thing.
If it's just holding eye contact, Mika,
if it's just giving a smile, all right.
There's the whole joke is like, how do you flirt?
You make eye contact, you smile, you look away.
You look back, you look away.
You look down, you play with your hair, you look away.
It works, it's a real thing, okay?
So how long do you hold the eye contact?
Not long enough to be creepy, but long enough,
a couple beats past a natural eye contact.
Like think about it, when you're just out in public,
sometimes you'll make eye contact with someone
and you're not trying to get their attention.
So you'll just accidentally make eye contact with someone
and you'll just kind of look away.
It's no big deal, no one feels weirded out by it.
But if you're interested in a man and you know,
you catch his eye, like you make eye contact,
you hold it and you smile and then you can just look away.
Not too quickly, right?
You hold it, smile and then kind of look down and look away.
You guys, just so you know, looking down is very feminine.
Okay, all right, so you hold it, you smile
and then you just look down, look down and away, okay?
That's very demure, that's very mindful, okay?
For those of you that know that funny trend.
Okay, so it's important that you do that.
Okay, so she's gonna try that, Tamika,
you're gonna report back to us.
Are you in phase two or three?
Three.
All right, report back, Tamika.
I will, thank you.
I don't wanna pitch the book club,
but I'm gonna go ahead and pitch it.
I'm gonna tell you, if you have pre-sale books,
they're on their way, they'll be to you this week.
They're all packaged up, they're being mailed out.
It's a very complicated process.
It's a very strange situation.
We probably will never do a pre-sale again.
But you will have them.
They're all signed.
I wrote you a little note in your books,
so they're on the way.
You'll get them before Book Club starts.
Book Club starts a week from tonight, next Tuesday.
Phase three, you will not have any Tuesday offerings
in the month of June,
because Tuesdays I will be on the Zoom seat
in the Book Club.
If you bought the book in pre-sale,
then you have a $50 discount on the Book Club.
Everybody else is full price.
It's $97.
But I am gonna go through all the things
in my new book, Modern Dating Sucks,
and a lot of it is this.
Guys, it is a field guide for dating.
It is not a philosophical book
about how being single stinks.
It is designed to get you a summer of love.
It is designed to have you
in a marriage-minded relationship in the next few months.
Okay?
Giving you all of my matchmaking knowledge,
helping you community-based matchmake the whole nine yards.
So if you're thinking about signing up for it,
let this be your sign.
But we're gonna do a lot more,
for those of you that can't afford it,
don't wanna do it,
don't have time to do it for whatever reason,
we are going to be doing a lot of fun things in phase three
with flirting, with just, you know,
phase two, you guys already have this kind of content,
but in phase three, we're gonna be doing a lot of this
to get you out of your own way.
All right, so Tameka's gonna report back to us.
Lou Annie, am I saying that right, Lou Annie?
Yes.
Okay.
So yeah, nice to meet you.
Are you phase two or three?
Phase two.
Awesome, nice to see you.
Likewise.
Well, I came through Julie from Miami
and she really loves you.
So I'm happy to be here.
Awesome.
So.
You guys, Julie is one of our success stories.
She just got married.
I officiated her wedding and she's incredible.
All right, keep going.
Yeah, she is.
Yeah.
Well, so for the past four years, since I divorced,
I never had a date, period.
I could attribute that to various things.
Could be fear of rejection, whatever.
I don't know.
I've tried apps.
I've had friends that scheduled dinners
for me to meet that person, but not be too awkward.
I've had some attempts, but nothing worked.
Nobody reached out.
And I started getting super discouraged.
I moved from Miami to Tulsa, Oklahoma,
just trying to get away from that scenery
of just clubs and hot bodies
and plastic surgery kind of stuff.
Yeah.
I've been here for over a year.
Nothing has happened either.
I got so discouraged here that I gained 30 pounds.
So I keep coming to these calls and stuff,
but most of it is like, oh, okay,
what do you do when you're dating?
I mean, I haven't had the chance.
I've tried all the stuff.
Okay, all right, so you guys, listen up.
I know that it sounds like it's an outside problem
for Lou Annie, and it's easy to think that,
and it's not that there isn't limitations
and there isn't obstacles, but every one of you,
including her, can get on a date, okay?
Every single one of you, including her, can get on a date.
I don't know if you realize it, Lou Annie,
but what you just said actually kind of is the hint,
and the hint is is that I got here, I got discouraged.
Discouraged is the first hint, and I gained 30 pounds.
Now, is 30 pounds keeping you from a date?
No.
Is it keeping from men finding you attractive?
You're very obviously attractive.
The answer to that is no.
Is it a limitation in your own mind about yourself?
Yes, it is.
Ladies, I want to say this to her,
and I'm going to say this to all of you.
All of us want to probably lose weight.
There might be a couple people in here
who want to gain some weight,
because they're super thin, okay,
and they want to gain some weight.
God bless you, whoever you are.
I need to lose probably another,
I was praying about it today, probably another 25 pounds,
just to be healthy, okay, just for my BMI
to be where it needs to be,
with the menopause and all the things.
All of us in here, but do we have to wait
to be loved until we do that?
No.
Do we have to wait to date until we do that?
No.
In my case, do I have to wait to go speak
and get on a stage and put on clothes
that I'm going to be seen in,
and people take pictures of you,
and then they always post the ones
that make you look like a beached whale?
Do I have to wait?
No, I do not.
Don't, okay?
We have to love ourselves right now,
because I'm just going to tell you right now,
I've learned this the hard way.
If I can't love myself at 192 pounds, which is what I weigh,
I'm not going to love myself at 170 pounds.
I'm just not.
I'm not going to.
It's not going to happen.
And so I want you to drop it like it's hot, all right?
It's time for you to remember that you're a beautiful woman.
I mean, everyone look at her.
She's gorgeous.
She's beautiful.
She is.
Now, is your natural hair color blonde?
No.
Okay, so you dyed blonde.
When I divorced, I went through like this whole process
of those stylists that, you know,
check your colors and whatever.
And she like redid my wardrobe and stuff.
And she suggested this hair color.
Okay, so it doesn't look bad on you, you know?
You have on like a really light shirt, you know, and stuff,
which in this video right now
with the white background that's behind you,
it's kind of washing you out a little bit, you know,
because of the way that you're all set up
with the white and the white and the blonde.
And so just remember that, you know, men, ladies, okay?
I know we love black and we love neutrals,
but men are crazy.
They like color.
I don't know why, but they do.
And I think that it has to do with the youthfulness.
It reminds them of youthfulness.
And so I can't see your dating profile
because it's not here,
but first of all, we have to be strategic with apps.
There's something in the book.
You guys, by the way, if you can't join the book club,
the book's phenomenal.
Get the book, okay?
There's a place on how you decide what apps to go on,
which ones to choose.
She's in Tulsa.
So she is in cowboy country.
That's where she is.
And she's from Miami, all right?
So one thing that you have to remember,
and you don't really seem like this,
but I know a lot of ladies that live in Miami.
I have a lot of students and clients in Boca,
in Miami and all those areas.
And those ladies are high maintenance, okay?
They are very bougie and they're also really abrasive.
And you're not coming across that way,
but I'm gonna tell you, men in Tulsa,
they wouldn't like that, okay?
So being sweet, you know, you don't have to be country,
but being sweet, being very feminine.
One thing that they're gonna like there is dresses.
You got a bunch of dresses?
Not anymore.
I refuse to buy new clothes.
I mean, I have the ones that were mine from my normal self,
but I haven't bought dresses.
You refuse to buy new clothes
because you're punishing your body?
I kind of-
Honey, we're just being honest with ourselves right now.
I know that you don't want to dress the body that you have,
but you know what?
You deserve a new dress.
And then when you can't wear it anymore
because you're wherever you want to be
in your health journey, you just give it to somebody.
And let it be their magic sisterhood
of the traveling dress, right?
Right?
You guys, how many of us, I just want you to be honest,
raise your hand if you have punished yourself
for not being the weight that you want
by not allowing yourself to have new pretty things.
How many of us have done that?
I've done it.
I've said it.
I've said, oh, I'm not buying any more clothes
until I'm my ideal weight.
And you know, I understand you don't want to spend money
too on things, so secondhand stores are golden, okay?
Thrift stores are golden.
Secondhand stores are even more golden.
Things like Uptown Cheapskate.
There's ones that are like more for our age women.
I can't remember what the names of those are,
but I'm sure there's some in Tulsa.
And go treat yourself to something
that makes you feel like a million bucks.
One thing that I know about men is they are attracted
to women that rock it, that are confident.
Even if you're not what you want to be,
it doesn't seem like that.
Have you guys ever seen the movie
I Feel Pretty with Amy Schumer?
She hits her head at SoulCycle,
and when she looks in the mirror,
she thinks that she's like the supermodel,
when she's like so down on herself because of her weight.
And she believes, she believes this lie
that her life stinks because of the way that she looks.
And she's not even trying to change it.
Like she just finally goes to SoulCycle
and then she gets hurt.
But when her view of herself changes
because of a head injury,
she lives this life where she's attracting
all this great stuff to herself
because she believes she deserves it now
because she thinks she looks different.
So she thinks it's because of that,
but it was her all along.
It was always her all along.
And then at the end.
And you see her actually trying to become her best self
with fitness and stuff,
because now she believes that she's important and valued.
Friends, we're not gonna ever get in shape
or become our best selves
if we don't really believe that we are valued as we are.
Okay, and so that's a powerful movie.
If you've never seen it, watch it.
It does have a few foul parts.
Watch it on VidAngel.
Fast forward, be an adult, be a grownup.
Just fast forward through it.
Don't come back and say,
check, how could you tell us to watch that movie?
Look, sex scenes announce themselves.
You can see it coming.
The people are at the house.
They're acting all sexy.
Just fast forward it.
You're fine.
Okay, so Lou Annie, you are gorgeous.
You're beautiful.
You live in the country now,
but it is a city because it's Tulsa.
So let's get you, are you on Facebook dating?
Yes.
Okay, no luck there?
No.
Okay, what about Hinge?
Tried.
Okay, do you have neutrals on in your pictures?
No.
No, you have color on?
Do you look good in red?
No.
Do you look good in, what bright color do you look good in?
What, green?
What color is your eyes?
I can't see your eyes.
What color are they?
They're gray?
Yeah.
Okay, so do you look good in purple?
Like lavender purple colors?
Lavender, yes.
Okay, so put on something feminine like that, okay?
I know we think men like, you know,
like they like boobs showing and all this stuff,
but really what they like, ladies,
is they like to think they can see something,
but they really can't.
That's what they like.
That's what men really like.
That's what's sexy to men, is when they're like,
oh, you know, she has some ruffles on.
You know, it seems like she has,
oh, she has a dress on and it's flowing
and I think I see the silhouette of her body,
but I'm not sure if I do.
That's what men are really into, just so you know.
The women that are out here not wearing any clothes,
they're attracting a man who thinks of women
as like an object, not a human.
The men that really are attracted to the feminine,
they're attracted to silhouettes
and they're attracted to flowiness and girliness,
and so I want you to try this
and I want you to see how it's gonna shift things.
I really feel in my heart
like it's gonna shift things for you.
So put on some color.
Ladies, any color of bright lipstick
that looks good with your teeth,
doesn't make your teeth look yellow.
Men like, men like, I know we're like,
do men like red lipstick?
Yes, they do.
They do.
As long as it's not on your teeth.
I'm Italian, so my teeth are very yellow.
Like, it's genetic.
Press white strips, baby.
Okay.
Oh, seriously, they work like a charm.
You guys, they're even better than the dentist.
Oh, you know what else you guys can get?
Opal Essence, is it called Opal Essence?
Yes, on Amazon.
And they'll send you all these little trays,
you put them in and it's super cheap.
I think it's like $30, $40, you guys.
Get some of those, do those, all right?
And let's stop disqualifying ourselves.
Remember, men are simple.
They're simple.
Now, let's ask you this.
Do you have really high standards about men?
Are you super, super picky when it comes to guys?
Yeah.
Uh-huh, all right, tell us.
I'm short, so I like really tall men.
Of course.
Because that makes sense.
If you need a ladder, the taller the better.
Yeah.
I like Burnett, but like flowy, good hair kind of deal.
I like beard, but not like hairy, hairy.
Smile, teeth, like all that.
Yeah, yeah.
Perfume, I don't know.
I think that's it.
So much of this, how long did you live in Miami for?
14 years.
Okay, so you can take the girls,
14 years.
Okay, so you can take the girl out of Miami,
but you can't take Miami out of the girl,
because what's happening here is that you lived-
I realized it.
You lived in this hyper fixated superficial world
for so long, and you're still judging yourself by it.
Look, you might've felt like-
You know, you were a six in Miami,
but honey, you're in Tulsa.
You're a 10 in Tulsa, and so you better rock it out.
Because yeah, everyone's getting plastic surgery
and Brazilian butts and all the crap in Miami,
but you live in Tulsa now, okay?
And so you're still judging yourself by Miami standards.
And I've been to Miami, y'all,
and you've never seen such beautiful people in your life,
and they are all, you know,
constructed in doctor's offices, okay?
So it's important for you to remember,
you're in Tulsa now, you're a Tulsa 10.
I wanna hear you say it, I'm a Tulsa 10.
I'm a Tulsa 10.
Okay, but you have to also remember
that the same thing you've been judging yourself by,
now you're judging other people by it.
You've been, you know,
you've been in this very judgmental atmosphere of Miami.
It got India, you judge yourself by it,
but now you're judging other people by it.
You gotta give a guy a chance.
I feel like you could have a date
with a guy who's a Tulsa 10,
but maybe a Miami 5 or a 5'6".
And you just have to,
and I'm not saying his height is 5'6",
dear Jesus, there are men that are 5'6",
and they're good guys.
And ladies, if you're five feet tall,
give a brother a chance, give a short king a chance,
all right?
But I feel like you getting really clear
on your non-negotiables and your preferences,
and knowing that they're different,
and remembering that you're in a different market right now
and giving guys a chance and giving yourself a chance
is gonna be a complete game changer for you.
All right?
I can tell that even though you're super casual right now,
you clean up well.
I can see you, girl.
I know that you go out and you're looking good,
whether you're looking good to your standards or not.
I'm trying to get across to you
that your standards are very high for yourself and others,
and they're unrealistic.
Yes, well, in Miami, like, before I was,
people did consider me good-looking
when I had less weight and stuff.
I was just not the type.
Like, I wouldn't wear the short shorts, short dresses.
I've been there.
I've been to that place.
So, those were my limitations there.
Like, at least I think I wasn't considered a six then.
But...
I just mean that the girls there,
like, I have never seen women in my life
that look like they are, like, all supermodels.
Like, I've never...
I mean, it probably depends
on what part of the city you're in,
but I was in the part of the city
where I think all the women must've been escorts, honestly,
because they were, like, rocked and gorged.
That's one of the reasons why I left Brickell.
I lived in Brickell.
Oh, yeah, Brickell, exactly.
It just was taken over by escorts, so it's...
Yeah, so those are the women that I'm talking about.
Yeah, no, that's disturbing.
They look like AI, okay?
So, it's like, you know,
real women compared to that are like, you know, whatever.
But remember, you're in a different market
that is less superficial,
and I need you just to get that in your head.
It's less superficial.
It's more about what you got inside.
Your modest values are gonna be highly priced in Tulsa.
The men there are gonna be more Bible Belt.
They're gonna be more Christian.
They're gonna be looking for women
that are soft and feminine,
and so you just know that you've gotta lead with that there.
If you wanna date there, that's what you're gonna do.
So, I want you to report back to us.
I wanna get some color on you.
I want you, if you feel like you need the white strips,
do that, because if you're self-conscious about that,
we want you smiling.
Get some color on and get on, you know,
change your photos out on the dating apps,
get some color, dresses, ruffles, cap sleeves,
you know, feminine, think feminine, okay?
All right, report back, you're gonna get a date.
Melanie is gonna have a date.
She is gonna have a date by June.
She's gonna have a date, let's go.
Okay, amen.
All right, let's go, I love it.
All right, Marley, is that, is it Marley?
All right, look at me sounding things out.
All right, okay, so,
so for you, you're the star, you're the god, okay?
Hi, so, I went on a second date with somebody yesterday,
and it was the first time since last year
that I went on a second date.
And what you said made me think earlier
when you were saying that men are afraid of women
so yesterday when he did a physical move,
It backed away, right?
And what?
Wait, wait, what physical move did he do on a second date?
Wanted to kiss me on the mouth.
Well, sir.
Yes, no.
And what, and what, it was at the end of the date?
Yes, it was at the end of the date.
So at the end of the date, he went in for the kiss
on the mouth, and then what happened?
And then I turned like this.
And he said, oh.
And I said, I'm, and a bit like Tamika,
in certain situations, I freeze and I don't know what to say.
So I just said, I'm very slow when it comes to these things.
So, OK.
So I just, one, now your reaction is making me think
I was right to do that, but I didn't
I was right to do that, but I didn't know how to frame it.
You said exactly the right thing.
What did he say after you said it?
Well, he asked, really?
I said, yes, really?
And he tried again.
And I said, I'm serious.
And.
Wait, wait, wait.
He tried again?
Yes, he did.
He did.
All right, so there's no third date.
Right?
Well, there's none planned.
Did he ask you after you guys were home and done?
Because this was yesterday.
Have you heard from him?
Is he trying to go on a third date?
He has, no, he has not asked.
I didn't mention anything.
It was, and this was at the end of a three hour date
because we went for dinner and then we went for a walk for.
So it ended up being three hours.
And it was at the end of the three hours
that he behaved like this.
But he sent some videos of a dance
that we talked about just to show me what it was that.
But that was the.
And he sent me a message this morning to say good morning.
OK.
Yeah.
And that.
All right, well, you sat down a boundary.
What I don't like is that you set the boundary down
and he didn't believe you.
So like you pulled away and you said, hey, hey, you know,
I'm not like I'm not looking to do this right now.
I move slow here.
And he said, really?
And tried again.
And then what'd you say after the second attempt?
I said, I'm serious.
OK, and then what'd he say?
He said, OK.
OK.
All right, well, you know.
There's definitely a yellow flag, OK?
We'll have to see.
The fact that he actually is still talking to you
and sending you videos and saying good morning.
We'll see.
We'll see what happens with that.
But you need to make sure that you are on your A game with him
because he did push a boundary.
And I don't like that.
That's a yellow flag.
But if he was only after one thing,
you would have never heard from him again.
Right.
And when we were walking.
So eventually, he put his hand on my shoulder.
And I was OK with that.
On my shoulder was fine.
Wait, wait, was this after the kiss attempt?
No, no, no, no.
During the walk.
OK, OK, go ahead.
After the kiss, the two kiss attempts, there was nothing.
Yeah.
And I was OK with that.
And I did not come closer either.
So he realized that he could just lift up his hand
and it would be fine as well.
He's fishing.
He's just seeing what you're willing to do.
Yeah, yeah.
And ladies, before, listen, I want
to talk about this for a second.
This is an important thing.
This doesn't make, OK, he pushed a boundary.
We don't like that.
It's a yellow flag.
He is still communicating, which means
that he may think that this is what he's
supposed to do on dates, whatever, whatever.
And we're going to go ahead and see where this leads,
if she likes him in other ways, if she
thinks that there's enough good stuff about him
to give him another chance in this area.
But I just want to tell you that a lot of men,
especially older men, not younger men, older men,
older men have a tendency to be taking plays
from a very bygone playbook from generations past.
And generations past, we see it kind of as a pruder generation,
but it's not true.
People, when men say that physical touch is their love
language, if a guy likes you, they're
going to want to hold your hand.
They're going to want to put their arm around you.
They're going to want to kiss you.
Older men, especially, been there, done that,
they're going to see it as, we're not kids.
What's the big deal?
Why should it take so long?
We're not little kids.
And so that could be his mindset of just, I like this woman.
And the way that you show women that you like them.
is by physical touch.
That could be what he's thinking.
Okay?
Yeah.
So my question, then I realized I didn't ask it,
saying that I take things slow is more than enough, right?
I didn't have to give more explanation.
It is more than enough,
but if you go on another date with him
and he tries to get physical at all,
like tries to hold your hand or anything,
you're unfortunately gonna have to have
the sex talk with him.
We don't wanna have the sex talk this quickly,
but this forces us to have it.
And this is what it sounds like.
Hey, I can tell that physical touch
is a love language of yours.
You can say this verbatim.
And I like physical touch as well,
but I just wanna let you know that as a woman of God,
I am not going to be having sex until I'm married
or anything close to that, you know?
And I don't plan on being physical,
like even kissing or any of this,
unless I'm with someone
that I'm in a serious relationship with.
So he's gonna force you into that declaration.
And then you're either never gonna hear from him again,
or he's gonna know what the boundary is
and he's gonna like you enough to hold it.
Okay, thank you.
Ladies, this is what has to happen.
We don't have the sex conversation
until someone introduces physical contact
that is beyond our comfort zone.
And when someone tries to introduce physical contact
that's beyond our comfort zone,
then we gotta tell him.
I remember I liked this guy
and we were really flirty and all the things.
And then one day he like grabbed my butt.
Grabbed my butt, okay?
Like I had known him for a while
and we had never held hands or kissed or anything,
but he grabbed my butt, like grabbed it.
And I was like, whoa.
I was like, look, I don't like that.
Don't ever do that again.
And he didn't.
Now, we also didn't end up in a relationship.
We didn't break it off right then.
We had more relationship and growing
and then there were other deal breakers
and different things that happened.
And I was never physically involved with him.
I never kissed him or anything.
But if a guy does anything
that is outside of your comfort zone physically,
it forces you to have this conversation.
And yeah, it's an uncomfortable conversation,
but it is necessary.
All right.
Good job, Marley.
Thank you.
Keep us posted.
Rosanna.
Hi there.
Hi.
I have a couple of things.
I have a high school reunion that's coming up this Sunday
and I'm super excited.
And I have two outfits that I think I want to show
because one's a little bit more form, 25.
Woo, come on.
Yeah, I've had a couple of guys from high school
telling me that they've had crushes on me
and I'm like, that's great.
So I'm like, let's see what happens.
And a couple that I actually,
like one I went out on a couple of dates with
and then didn't talk to me for like a month.
And then he popped up on my Facebook dating.
I'm like, oh, that's funny.
You said you were interested, but not quite.
Whatever.
So I kind of hope he comes.
They'll be like, hi, sorry.
It'll just be fun.
However, my question actually is,
I've grown so much with your program
and I think Nina said the same thing.
I'm getting impatient to like want to go on dates
and like sometimes they happen.
I haven't been on one in a while
and several of them have not happened,
have not gone to a second date.
And I don't know if it's like,
I think when I was watching one of your things,
like I feel like I'm the fun one in the date
or am I bored with these men
or why is it more coming from it?
And I feel like I've seen the growth happen in me, Jackie,
because of this program.
And I'm wondering, I'm like, I'm so excited to date.
And then I'm like wondering where these guys are.
And I am talking to some guy
who's like an hour and a half away,
but he's got in car issues and he's working a lot.
He just had to let go of his business.
So there's a lot of financial stuff going on
and we're talking on the phone and stuff,
but it's been like two weeks.
And so we haven't met up yet,
but I'm like, I don't want to hold out on that
just because like, yeah, we're connecting,
but I would really like to go on dates.
So I know it's fine for me to want to talk to other guys.
You're not going to be exclusive
to someone you're not exclusive with.
Yeah, keep dating, keep going on dates.
If you want to show us your outfit options,
we can help you choose,
but for your class reunion,
but let's talk about this for a second.
Ladies, you know,
we've had a lot of success stories in this program
and some of them are male clients.
Some of them are guys, you know,
almost our guys almost have a hundred percent success rate.
I want you guys to get ahold of this.
Now we do have some guys
that have been lingering here for a while,
but all of the guys that started in this program in 2020,
they're all married.
2021, all married.
2022, all married.
23, all married.
24, all married.
25, all married, okay.
Or 25, there's some leftover from that.
But I just want to say to you,
it's because, it's not because it's a buyer's market,
okay, with the guy, you know,
the guys they can go out and get whatever or whatever,
you know.
It's because they are, you know, not just serious,
but they also are looking for,
and none of them married supermodels.
They're looking for how someone makes them feel.
That is what men are looking for,
how someone makes them feel.
And I really want you to adopt that
because ladies, so many of you, all of the ladies,
and of course we've had many more female-led success stories
meaning the female was part of this community
because there's just more of you in general.
But I want you to look at them.
I want you to look at the people.
Go on my Instagram and go through the highlights
and look at all the couples,
all the people that got married.
Yes, every once in a while there's a hottie, like the men.
Okay, every once in a while there's a guy
that's conventionally good-looking.
Let's say conventionally good-looking.
He's showing up with bone structure and vibes, cool.
Every single time you see that,
there's at least 40 other men
that you probably swipe past on the app, all right?
Because they're not photogenic or whatever.
But some woman in this community married them
because they're a great guy.
No one's married to a scrub in this community, all right?
They're great men, they're good men, they're smart men,
they're funny men, they're successful men.
And I really want you,
I'm not asking you to lower your standards,
but I am asking you to get realistic
with your expectations, okay?
I am asking you to get realistic with your expectations.
Some of you are being single longer than you need to be
because your expectations are unrealistic.
They just are, and I'm just being honest with you.
I love you, I wanna see you happily partnered,
and happily partnered doesn't have anything to do
with the stuff that you're basing it on.
It has to do with how someone makes you feel.
It has to do with the person that you become
when you're with them.
Do you become a better version of yourself?
Are they bringing out the best in you?
Are you having fun together?
Can you dream together?
I just did a one-on-one Simbus for one of our ladies
who's about to get married on May 22nd.
And her husband's older than her.
She's in her 50s, he's in his 60s.
And he looks like he's in his 60s.
He's funny.
The guy cracked me up the entire time
we were doing the Simbus.
He's smart, he's kind, he's entrepreneurial.
He's got so many great qualities.
He also doesn't have any hair.
Not a hair on his head, all right?
None, okay?
He also is, because some of you have told me,
you know, no bald men.
Why?
Because of your ego?
Seriously, I'm just being honest with you.
I want you guys to have success.
Some of you have shocked me.
You shocked me with your preference list
because you are none of the things on your preference list
and I'm shocked by it.
I'm like, is this girl DeLulu?
What's going on with her?
I love her, but has she lost her ever-loving mind?
What is happening here?
Okay, so stop reading the romance books, okay?
Stop watching the rom-coms if you can't handle it.
Stop scrolling on Instagram.
Do whatever it takes for you to get back into reality.
Because we have a lot of success stories here
and what you're looking for is a good man.
You're looking for a masculine man.
You're looking for a mature man.
You're looking for a marriage-minded man.
You're looking for a man, if you're over 40,
that's got his stuff together,
that knows what he wants in life,
that's headed in that direction,
that brings out the good parts of you.
Yeah, solo mio, thank you.
Kevin James is not good-looking, okay?
Not in anybody's book, but he was fun and he was funny
and he's really funny and he was cute
and endearing in that movie and he scored a hottie.
I think that that lady he ended up with was like,
in my opinion, an Italian hottie.
An older woman, but a very well-preserved woman, okay?
So, I'm not saying this for Rosanna, by the way.
I'm selling it for all of you
because your lists are ridiculous.
I'm just gonna call you out.
They really are.
Okay, Rosanna, go ahead.
Thank you, I just, no, I just wanna know,
I'm super excited with what you've taught me
and I wanna put it into practical
and I'm looking beyond what you're saying
with certain financial setbacks that happened
or I'm open to bald guys
and I'm even looking at shorter guys.
It's fine, I'm really listening to what you're saying
and I just don't know, sometimes,
even in the first conversations with certain types,
with guys, the conversations aren't good.
There's nothing that develops and I don't wanna carry it.
I'm almost like an investigative reporter.
I love to ask questions of people
and is it wrong for me to wish
that somebody would inquire about me
the way I inquire about them?
I mean, yeah, it kind of is
because here's the thing, you guys.
First of all, men weren't taught,
I know this whole.
dating thing that we've going on of like,
why doesn't he ask me any questions?
And women say that all the time.
Men aren't taught to do that.
Women do it because we're nosy.
We do it because we want to know.
She just said, she's a PI.
She's a private investigator.
We want to know.
And you know, when we ask questions,
it makes us feel safe.
It brings security.
Women value security.
Okay, men value peace.
Men aren't rocking the boat.
Men aren't going to ask you 101 questions about yourself.
That used to be called rude.
It's called rude.
You know, men aren't going to be digging around
trying to find out, you know, what your favorite color is
or what you felt like deep inside your heart
when your dog died.
That's not, that's female stuff, okay?
And so I just want to tell you guys
that just have a good time.
This is why I don't like sit across from each other
and ask question dates.
Go do something that shows personality.
Go do something.
Go putt-putt.
Go putt-putt golf.
If you want to see if a man has anger issues,
go to the putt-putt course with him.
You're going to see it real quick
when his ball doesn't go in the hole
and he starts having a conniption fit about it.
Do something fun on the first date.
First date, do something fun.
Low stakes, low price, fun, personality.
It's going to bring out a natural conversation.
See if, does the conversation flow?
Is it like pulling teeth?
If you're someone who values conversation
and you want to be married to someone
that you can lay around in bed with
and talk about everything that you've ever thought
in your entire existence,
then you need to make sure that you marry a sapiosexual.
That is someone who values intellectual conversation,
values what you think about things
and your opinions about things
and likes to talk about the deepness of things.
Those are people.
And there's a lot of men that are sapiosexuals,
but that needs to be on your non-negotiable list.
That's not a preference.
That's a necessity if you're that kind of person.
It's a necessity.
And so here's the thing, Rosanna,
if you get into a situation with a man
who's as deep as a puddle on the street,
then you know that he's not your person.
Okay, he can have a full head of hair.
All right, he can have cute little facial hair.
He can be whatever it is
that you think that you're attracted to.
But if he's dumb as a box of rocks, he's not your guy.
Right, if he doesn't have a thought in his head,
doesn't think deeply about things,
he's not your person, right?
I love, yeah, I heard you.
I thought you said you were sapiosexual too.
I am drawn to intelligence.
My late husband was very intelligent.
And even old crushes that have popped up,
I was like, oh my gosh, I liked him
because he was so smart.
And so now I'm realizing as I'm talking to him,
like I need a man.
And this guy I'm talking to has depth with conversation.
And I notice that even sometimes on Facebook dating,
I'm seeing a lot of guys who are like,
I want deep conversations.
Maybe those are the ones I need to swipe right on.
Yes, those are the ones.
Forget what they look like, just give them a shot.
Okay, can I show you my dresses really quickly?
Or do you want me to just post it on for you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, go get them while we take Shekinah.
Put it on?
Yeah.
Or do I just show you?
You can put them on,
because we'll come back to you.
We'll come back to you.
Are you, you're not naked right now, are you?
No, girl, I have a tank top.
Oh, okay.
All right.
I was like, don't let the camera slip.
You'll be showing us a lot of stuff.
Okay, Shekinah, you said you don't watch rom-coms,
you can't relate,
but it doesn't have to be about those very things.
It could be about something else, right?
But what's your question anyway?
Shekinah Glory.
Hey, Jackie, thanks for joining.
Is your name Shekinah?
Yes, I'm a PK, so yes, quite naturally.
Yes, it's on my birth certificate.
I love it, let's do it.
Yeah, so, you know, as I just stated,
being a PK, being in church all my life,
always told how to be the wife,
how to be submissive, not abusive,
not be in an abusive relationship.
We did teach that, you know,
some religions still tell the women
to stay in those abusive relationships.
We were not taught that.
We were like, hey.
So we were taught the marriage part,
but not necessarily how to date.
So I would invest my own money.
I remember being like 25, 26 years old,
and I paid $500 for like a matchmaker.
I've done the speed dating.
I've spent cash on like three-day workshops
with a relationship coach just to learn things
that I did not learn in the church, right?
And so, you know, I've been engaged twice before,
but we broke up before the wedding.
I've learned from that, moved on from that,
healed from that, and just let me know
that it's not the right one.
And I've had, you know, some other relationships
here and there that didn't make it anywhere serious.
So I've had throughout the years,
the past 23 years of dating,
I've always had to keep rebuilding up hope.
And, you know, we all know the scripture,
hope deferred makes the heart sick.
Well, I feel like I'm passive.
that. I feel like my tank is like running really, really low. I feel like this is going to be my
last year of the praying, being hopeful, being positive, trying to listen. I mean, even when I
go to sleep, I'm listening to like positive things. How old are you? 41. Okay. Do you follow
one of our sisters in Christ, Annie Downs? I'll write her name down, but no, I do not.
Okay. So Annie is a Christian thought leader and she's not a PK, but she's been in ministry for a
really long time. Very public figure, huge follow on Instagram, you know, preacher, teacher, you
know, teaching pastor at a huge church in Nashville. And she was one of my dating,
I was her dating coach. And she sounded a lot like what you're talking about,
sounding like right now, because she had a good life and she was just like, you know what? I
don't need to spend any more time thinking about this because if it's just not going to happen,
it's not going to happen. And she's like, I think two years older than you. And, and it happened,
she's engaged and she's getting married. And so I just, you know, with no, she never had a
boyfriend before. She had never even been kissed and is in her forties. And so I just want to say
this, you're in a place, even just the language that you're using, that's a good place to be.
It's normally when we kind of get to this place, especially when we've done everything you're
talking about. And that's kind of why it reminded me of her story, because she had done all the
things as well. She'd read all the books, she'd gone all the seminars, she'd done all the things.
And so I just want to tell you that, um, getting really honest about what, I don't know what your
fiance's had in common. We don't need, we don't have time to go into what ended the relationships
and why they didn't go forward into marriage. But I do want to say that, um, being willing to
look outside of your sphere of influence, look outside of your normal type, look outside,
and you not look outside, but being open to things outside of those things, even outside of
your race. You know, a lot of people come in and they want to marry someone of a specific race,
and they're not really open to anything else because of what they think or believe about that.
Being open, all the way open. Ladies, and you guys can take this and put in your notes too,
being all the way open. I feel this specifically for Shekinah, but all of you can write that down
at the shoe fits, wear it, but being very open to whatever it looks like and wherever it comes from
is going to be really important. I agree. And I've definitely have stepped out. I actually
packed up and moved to California just so I can be in the melting pot. So I went out with
Arabians, Indians. I went out with a white guy. I mean, yesterday I went out with a Spanish guy.
Went out with a white guy. What are we going to do?
Yeah, yesterday I went out with a Spanish guy. So I have to like throughout the years,
I definitely have been trying to step out of the norm, but it's just nothing has hit yet. And like
I'm running like so low. It's like, I don't know how many times I can keep rebuilding my hope,
you know? So I'm trying to push forward. And I just feel like after this year-
Well, you don't have to rebuild your hope. You just need to hide it in him. You need
to hide it in Jesus. Your hope is not in a man. It's not in a dating app. It's not in anything
else. Our hope is only deferred when we put it in the wrong things. And so just do what you're
doing. You're on the right track. I really did feel like diversity is important in your love
story. And so I think you're on the right track. And I think that if your hope is hidden in Jesus,
like, you know, it's one of those things where, you know, it's going to happen. It's just a
situation where you don't have to, you don't have to hang your hope on it because it's going to
happen. Like your hope is just in the right place. It's in Christ. Thank you. I appreciate it.
All right. Diversity, girl. I love it. Arabians, maybe give a few more white guys a chance. I know
you gave that one white guy. I don't know if he was a surfer boy or not.
With the man in the office and what's going on on the news, it's kind of scary. I'm not sure.
But you're in California. So no one out there is for him.
I mean, I was for five years and now I'm back in Virginia. But that was part of the reason. I was
like, oh, well, maybe my husband is like in the melting pot. So I spent five years in Cali
thinking I was going to meet my husband there because I was stepping out of the box and
dating all these other races. But now I'm back home because my parents are getting older.
So I'm back in Virginia. But OK. Yeah. The D.C. area where you at?
Oh, no. So I'm in Portsmouth, Virginia. D.C. is like an hour and a half, two hours north.
And it looks like the single city in D.C. is not doing too good. Last time I checked,
they didn't have any events set up. Yeah, I don't think they have a leader.
I think they lost their leader. And here you guys, I want to say this because she just reminded me,
but I'm going to be in Jersey on June 12th and 13th. There's a conference at King of Kings.
So if you're anywhere near that place, I'm trying to think of what the name of the city is in Jersey.
It's just right over the bridge from New York City. It's called it should be in the resource
guide of all of your the sign up for that conference. But it's going to be a modern
dating sex conference.
There's going to be a lots of fun stuff going on at that conference. It's not going to be a normal conference. It's going to be a lot of field work that we're doing there. It's going to be a lot of like community based matchmaking stuff that's happening there. And so if you can get there, if you're within a 234, even 5 hour drive, it'd be definitely worth going to that. So get there, get there and forget about who's in office. I was just counting down today. We're guys. So whether you like the president or not, you guys, we're not being political right now.
I'm just saying that they, they only serve a certain term and then they're gone. Okay. And so, and not all white men voted for him. If that's, if that's a deal breaker for you. In fact, I was asked by the team to say something about vaccinations on this call. So I'll just say it for people that are having a hard time on dating apps, because people in your age range are really concerned about political things.
Are you a Democrat? Are you a Republican? Are you Vax? Are you not Vax? You guys just understand that if someone has that in their dating app, then that means that that's a deal breaker for them, that they are just really rabidly, whatever that is, whether it's liberal, whether it's conservative, whether it's Vax or un-Vax, it doesn't matter. If they have it in their dating profile, then they're taking it pretty seriously. And so who cares if they're, if they're weeding you out, in fact, take a, take a page from that playbook.
If you feel really seriously about something, don't be afraid to weed people out based on what that is. If you feel very, very, very, very seriously about something, go ahead and use it as a weed out. All right. All right. Diversity for our sister and her dating life. And we're going to see what happens. I feel like a few of you are going to be reporting dates really soon and good ones. All right, Rosanna, do you have some, guys, it's getting late. I've got to go over to the worship night and deliver my daughter's car.
I do have it. Sorry. I'm trying to show my body. I don't know if you can see this. Can you see, I turned it around. Oh, can you see that?
You have your camera on.
Oh, oh no. Hold on. I'm turning it. Oh my gosh.
So Jeannie, Kathleen, Preeti, and Marsha, we're going to do a speed round. So just tell me what you want to ask me in 60 seconds because I want to get you in. Okay. Let's see this outfit real quick. Is it, wait, is it sparkly?
My shoes are sparkly. That's what I love the most. My boobs are boob in here. I was going to put a tank top and it's short and it shows my, this is kind of blurry. I'm sorry. But this is what it kind of looks like. This is one of them with like see through.
Oh, okay. Is it a flower pattern?
It is a flower pattern.
Okay.
And this is what it kind of looks like. I'll put a tank top on.
All right, girl. Yeah, honey.
And I'll put shapewear on. But.
Yeah, you look good.
And then the other one I can show. It's a, it's a flowy dress. It's a tank top. It's like orange. And I have a little thing that goes, it looks like this, excuse the mess. This is what it looks like. I think I'll show it on the group three.
But it's.
Yeah, put, listen, put side by side, get your shapewear on, get everything, take two pictures side by side of both dresses and let us vote.
Will do. Thank you so much.
All right. You're looking hot there. Okay. All right. Remember what you bait the hook with is the kind of fish you catch.
Okay, that's a good advice. That's good advice.
But, but, but, yeah, but men don't want to date their grandmas either, ladies, so please remember that. Okay, so 60 seconds or less, the questions. Jeannie, Kathleen, Preeti. So Jeannie, you're first. I'm going to cut you off if it's more than 60 seconds.
Okay, that's fine.
Okay. Okay. Yeah, just things that make you look older. I'm trying to look younger. I'm 66. But like eyelashes, what's a good brand for that?
First of all, you do not look 66. You look incredible. Your hair, just so you know, your haircut is perfect for you. I love this. I love the bangs. I love the blonde. I love the soft kind of layers there. That's very beautiful on you.
Okay, and you guys, the eyelashes that I like best, I will, are you phase two or phase three, Jeannie?
Three.
Okay.
Three.
I made a video, but I'll make another one. I used to use Flutter Habit. The glue is hard for a lot of people. I use something now called Comfy Fit. You can get them on Amazon. They're like $20 for a whole package of them.
Okay.
And they're little clusters. And all you do is you put on this bonding mascara, just like a mascara. You put it on your eye. It doesn't hurt your eyelashes. It comes off very easily when you're ready to take it off. And then you just put the little clusters on one by one. And in fact, I have them on right now.
Yeah, they look good. They look good.
Can you see me?
Yeah.
These are what they look like. These are what they look like. Look at these.
Okay.
All right?
Yeah.
I will make a little video and show you guys again what they look like. All right? You guys, they're a game changer. I love eyelashes. Eyelashes are a game changer. They come in brown, too.
Oh, okay. Also, legs. My legs have, you know, they just look older now, my legs.
Westmore. Westmore.
Westmore? Okay.
Okay, get some Westmore you guys,
if you feel like you have spider veins,
you got some breaks, you got some cellulite,
get some Westmore.
Listen, I'll do a favorite things product video
in phase three and I'll share it to phase two as well.
But just put a little bit of that in your lotion,
rub it on and your legs will look like you're 20 years old.
Okay, good, okay.
And it doesn't transfer on your clothes
and then you take it off in the shower with soap and water.
Okay, cool, okay, thanks.
I love that, you're gorgeous.
Okay, Kathleen, 60 seconds, what do you got?
I am meeting with a personal trainer
who is also a single dad who is going to my church.
And so as a personal trainer, I'm there working out.
So any thoughts about how to present in that environment?
You like him?
I do, and he's approached me a couple of times
just for conversation outside of that context.
So it kind of got me thinking maybe.
But you're his client?
Okay, and did you have like a little crush on him
before you were his client?
Okay, and how long are you gonna be his client for?
So far, it's been a month.
Okay, no, but how long are you planning on it?
I don't know.
Okay.
As long as I can afford to, I think.
Right, so it makes it kind of tricky
because if you're reading his intentions wrong,
then it makes it very awkward
and then you lost your personal trainer, okay?
My experience with men are is that if they like you,
they will engage.
So if I were you, I would just continue to train,
I would continue to be your fun self
and that's a pretty real environment to be in with someone
where you're sweating and you're all the things.
And so just do it.
And if he's interested in you besides just being your client
and just liking you as a person, you'll know.
In the meantime, I wouldn't try,
I wouldn't drop the hanky, I wouldn't try.
I would let him take the lead on this
so that you don't lose your personal trainer.
Perfect.
Okay, Preeti, what do you got?
So you know how you talked about women who like men
are more awkward around those men?
I'm that type of person.
I'm highly extroverted and like really,
like can work the room, that is what I do at my job.
But like I just chicken out when like I see someone
who I may be remotely even attracted to
without really anything about them.
So other than smiling, is there anything like in terms of,
like I think with my brain and I act with my brain.
So is there anything else other than the smile
that I can practice to be less awkward?
You need to, you know, what you would do,
like, you know, so if you're meeting this person
like in a new person context,
like they're a stranger to you,
then you need to do what you would do
when you meet a stranger.
You just told me that you're friendly
and you're extroverted, all right?
And so you need to do what you would do,
even if they're attractive, even if you're like,
wow, that guy's good looking,
or, you know, he has got a nice smile or whatever it is.
If there's someone that you know in community
that you continually find yourself avoiding them,
if they know that you're a friendly person
and they know that you talk to everybody,
but you don't talk to them,
they already know that you either like them or hate them.
Okay. Okay?
And they're probably not sure which one it is,
because they see how you are with everybody else.
And so they know that you're being different with them.
You see what I'm saying?
All right.
So is there someone in your community
that you see all the time at work
or somewhere that you're ignoring?
No, I'm just trying,
because I think like, I feel like
I have been friend zoned a lot.
Like in my, I'm in my early forties
and I've never been in a relationship,
but I feel like I typically get friend zoned.
And so like, I'm just trying to see
if I've missed any signals from people
and not repeat those mistakes.
So I'm just trying to be like-
Okay, let's talk about being friend zoned.
Ladies, fun girls, extroverted girls,
girls that are super easygoing
and girls that are go with the flow,
they're the ones that get friend zoned.
Okay?
So if you like someone,
do not position yourself as a friend.
And this is how you're going to do that.
If you work with them,
then you need to make sure that you're flirting
from the very beginning and not flirting like,
you know, like a guy's girl.
For those of you that are a guy's girl,
you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Like one of the bros, you know,
you're, you think you're flirting,
but they think that you're just being the cool girl
and one of the bros.
Guys like girls like that.
Yes, they do.
But they very rarely.
date girls like that okay so from the very beginning your position yourself as
a possibility and if they don't pay attention to you then they're not
interested and then you move on all right you have to position yourself as a
romantic possibility with people that you're interested in from the beginning
the reason why you're getting friend-zoned is because you're acting
like a friend okay don't act like a friend act like a
potential romantic partner do you know how to do that not really okay exactly
so you're gonna you're gonna flirt okay you're going to you're gonna you're
gonna you're gonna make eye contact you're gonna flirt you're gonna you know
joke around a little tiny bit you might like push his shoulder you know you
might you know you're going to act interested you're gonna act interested
it's the hardest thing for people who are just naturally friendly because you
think you're acting interested but all you're really doing is just acting
friendly because you're friendly all right so we'll probably have to do a
flirting class I actually have a chapter in the book on flirting I have a whole
chapter in there about how flirting is just kind of organic so you're already
friendly so that's good you have that working in your in your corner but you
have to add a little bit of sass to it all right you have to add a little bit
of you know just like kiss me stupid to it you have to add a little bit of that
all right so we're gonna have to have a little class on that pretty and help you
you're gorgeous I love your hair I love your smile of your eyes you got it going
on I just keep so I'm not dressed but I try yes yes all right we're gonna do it
okay you're welcome Marcia really quickly quick quick quick quick okay a
few hours ago I met a guy on Facebook that I know of but I'm not friends with
but I know I've heard of him and I'm aware of him all I said was I introduced
myself and I just said how was your day going just because I'd like to know more
of this guy okay what's your question no was that okay to say how how's your day
going with do you think that's sufficient if you don't really know this
guy I mean you don't know him you're asking him how his day's going I mean
did you go into his spam inbox I mean are you even friends with him on
Facebook I'm not friends with him per se but I know of this guy okay well he
might not see your message if you're not friends with him on Facebook they might
it might get put in his spam just so you know you know that's what they that's
what Facebook do I did okay okay I hopefully he told of me before but
anyway well you're you know if you're not connected on Facebook you're not
friends Facebook will put you your messages in the spam inbox a lot of
times and a lot of people don't check their spam inbox so if he doesn't respond
that could be the reason why but if you're saying hey you know next time you
say like hey I'm Marcia you know I've heard I've heard about you and I thought
I'd reach out how are you doing so introduce yourself don't just say hey
how's your day because you're a stranger so you just want to make sure that
you're introducing yourself first okay we have a connection I'll just say we
have a connection that's all I'm gonna say we have a connection and I've
introduced the connection okay well if you have a connection then you're asking
him how his days going hopefully he answers all right Michelle what do you
got it might be too long to thumb it up in 60 seconds what do you got all right
so it's very similar to the gal that with the second date I went out with this
guy named David the second date he kissed me with his tongue hanging out
third date I told him it was right after that happened I just kind of I didn't
say anything I just got in the car and left okay hold on a second he tried to
stick his tongue in your mouth well I kind of leaned forward with his tongue
sticking out and it was just wet it wasn't very anyway I didn't say yeah
exactly I didn't say anything I just kind of pulled away and and then went
got in the car and ran away like Cinderella so then our third date he
did ask me again other day I told him at some point that I just I don't you know
kiss until I'm in a exclusive relationship but I probably said too
much because then I didn't hear from him again and then I invited him to a work
thing a couple months later which was just less last Thursday and it was great
he like came and he loved it we had a great time and then I did say you know
what I I think I scared you away with my own kissing talk and he kind of
laughed and said yeah so and like in between days there's nothing there's no
phone call there's no text and so I'm thinking do I just like play
and the next day, we've gone out three times.
And actually the last two times
I've kind of planned something.
But it's like, I think we like each other,
but where he's not, he doesn't text, he doesn't call.
In between.
First of all, why do you think you like each other?
He's, this sounds weird, but he's the most normal guy
I've gone out with.
Normal, I like conversation back and forth.
Okay, here's what I want you to do, Michelle, okay?
You've been on enough dates with this guy,
you've known him for a long enough period of time,
you were on a couple dates, then a couple months went by,
and then you went on some more dates,
so you've been hanging out with him long enough
to just ask him what he's looking for.
Okay.
Okay, are you looking for someone
just to hang out with every once in a while and lick,
you just wanna lick someone's face
before they get in the car, like, what are we doing here?
Or, you know, are you actually looking for a relationship?
Because you just tell him, hey, I enjoy hanging out with you,
but I'm looking for someone who's, you know,
and you don't even have to tell him what you're looking for,
you can ask him what he's looking for.
And if he doesn't know, then you're just,
yeah, you have someone that you can invite out,
but he's not serious about relationship,
and you deserve someone who's serious about relationship.
Okay?
And the reason why you didn't hear from him
after he tried to lick your face
was not necessarily because he only wants sex,
but he was embarrassed.
Well, no, I didn't hear from him after that,
it was after the third date,
the next time I saw him after that,
I told him I don't do that,
and then I didn't hear from him.
Well, yeah, because he was embarrassed,
that's what I'm trying to say.
Oh, okay.
He was embarrassed because you, you know,
you brought up what he tried, you know,
you brought up the thing, like the elephant in the room,
you know, he tried to kiss you,
he's not a good kisser, it was gross,
you pulled away, you got in the car,
then you hung out again, and you brought it up.
And so then he was embarrassed after that,
and he was just like, whatever.
But then you called him a couple months later,
invited him to work some work thing, and then he went.
Right, correct.
Okay, so if you're interested in someone
who's just gonna hang out with you,
and they don't have anything better to do,
or they just want a companion,
or they just want someone who's eventually,
because, you know, what else is there to do,
gonna just fall in bed with them
and have some really, really crappy sex, okay?
Because that sounds like it's not gonna be a good time.
Then he's probably the guy.
But unless he tells you, hey, I'm looking,
I'm looking for a serious relationship.
So you need to ask him what he's looking for,
because I just really would hate to see you
waste your time on someone
who really isn't serious about anything.
You've been at this for a while, Michelle.
You've been in this community for a long time.
So let's weed him out.
Can we weed him out?
Yep.
All right.
And ask yourself this really honest question.
If you were having any kind of real true success,
or any kind of dates with anyone
that you're actually truly interested in,
would we even be having this conversation about this man?
Yes and no.
I do like him.
There's a lot of good qualities.
Okay, then ask him what he wants.
He's the most normal guy I've gone out with.
Well.
Shh.
Okay, but here's the thing.
If he has good qualities, wonderful.
Ask him what it is that he's out here
on these dating streets for, okay?
Okay, that's good.
You can do it, honey.
I believe in you.
All right, ladies, I had so much fun with you.
I love ladies night.
I love it.
Rosanna, let's see your, let's see those dresses.
Someone else is gonna, oh, I'm gonna do,
I'm gonna post my favorite things in VIP community group,
and then we'll share it with phase two as well.
Love you guys.
I hope to see you in the book club.
I hope to see you at King of Kings.
I'm gonna do another single spotlight,
just so you guys know,
people in our membership get first grabs
at all men that get single spotlighted.
We don't even pay attention to the public
and any of their requests to meet men
until you guys are vetted out and none of you are matches.
If none of you are matches, then we go to the public.
So I have a single spotlight pretty much for every week.
I'm gonna be doing single spotlights every single week
of eligible men of all age ranges, vetted out men,
good men, masculine men, mature men,
marriage-minded men, Christian men, men that love God,
men that I know, that I have, you know,
I've done all of the dirty work for you,
so all you gotta do is just show up and match, all right?
So lots of fun stuff.
I'll see you soon.
Bye.