Hello, it's Memorial Day, May 25th to 2026, men's group.
Any veterans that have served, I just give all you props.
My brother's an Army Ranger, and I know he lost some really good friends, and I just,
Mike, if you've lost people, and I just want to appreciate you and say thank you.
All right, start that off.
Hey, guys, what's up?
I got peeps.
Come on, we got some breakthroughs.
You got to show it.
Come on, let's just flex and go.
Let's flex, and please tell me you got something.
Every week, I'm like, Lord, would you help me to have an amazing time so we could all
rejoice together, right?
I can tell you the story of how a tree fell on my car, if you want.
No!
No, it's a good God story.
I wish I could show you guys the picture.
I walked out my front door.
Actually, I just got off the phone with a woman that I've gone on a couple of dates
with, and I walk out my front door to go on a bike ride, and it was like walking into
a forest.
I was like, why is there a forest at my front door?
It's not supposed to be.
It turns out it was a massive part of my tree that had fallen down, and I couldn't even
see my car.
But somehow it fell exactly right, and a couple of the longer branches hit my lawn,
so it kind of just laid down on some very minor scratches that can buff out.
And I'm like, God saved this car, because anything an inch this way, a foot that way,
I would have just had a smashed car, is what I would add.
Wow.
That was...
That's a God thing right there.
That's a win, right?
You know, near misses are still wins, right?
I'm better than it falling on my neighbor's, you know.
Of course, now my neighbor, I'm paying quite a bit of money to trim it back, because now
my neighbor's nervous.
He's like, it's pretty tall on my side.
I'm like, all right.
Now it's off balance, because half of it fell on your side, and I don't want it to fall
on my...
Well, anyway.
So, cool.
But sweet.
Sweet.
You know, I just got back from Reading, which, helping out some friends, it was kind of fun.
It was kind of smoking.
It was 100...
Well, I mean, it was only like 90 today or something like that, but it was 101 when I
got there.
And I'm like, yikes.
So, well, I mean, you're in your sack, Christopher, so it's probably getting pretty warm out there
too.
And Abram's in Fresno-ish, and like, yeah, we're in California cooking.
I don't know what it's like in Pennsylvania and back east, but I can tell you around here,
it's actually kind of...
You know, I don't know.
I kind of miss it.
I'm not enjoying like 80s and 90s with like 40 mile per hour winds, which is what we've
had.
It's really ridiculous.
Oh, that's why the tree went over.
Yeah.
It's like apocalypse.
Yeah.
So, anything you guys want to chat about, like, I can cover...
Like, I have a myriad of things in my head, but if there's anything that you guys really
want to drill down on, got anything that is eating your Wheaties, that you're wondering
about the meaning of life.
Rodney, why don't you kick it off?
No, nothing about the meaning of life, nothing deep.
I just wanted to say, hey, everyone, this is my second time on this call.
I'm from just south of Sacramento.
So...
Where you at?
I'm in Lodi.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm Rio Vista.
I'm not far from you.
Oh, Rio Vista.
Okay.
Yeah.
I used to drive to Antioch for work a few years ago, so used to drive through there.
A lot of California, Cali kids on here, man.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Northern Cali kids.
Yeah.
That's true.
Right.
Well, and Thomas, if he comes on, he'll cover SoCal.
So, I haven't seen him in a while.
Thomas, if you're hearing this, miss you, bro.
Yeah.
But I just, you know, just want to say hi and just doing my hard work.
Yeah.
What page are you in on that?
Is that going well for you?
Yeah.
I'm on week four right now.
So, I was doing some forgiveness, using the template to do some forgiveness earlier today.
Just kind of taking it slow, just, you know, a couple people at a time, you know.
I had a list of like a hundred and...
It was a lot.
I did a spreadsheet, dude.
Like, you know, I can kid you not, I had a spreadsheet because I took it really seriously.
And I was like, man, there's a lot.
I was like, how long is this going to take?
You know, but it takes what it takes.
Right?
Yeah.
I hope you don't need a spreadsheet, but I...
You know, I've been in 12-step.
So, I've done a lot of that already, done a lot of that work.
There's still some people that...
I've forgiven already that, you know, there's still some stuff there, so they're back on
the list.
But yeah, there's only one person that I'm like, I don't want to forgive her at all.
Feel like she betrayed me.
Other than that, it's, you know.
So can we draw on that for a sec?
Do you mind?
Like, you know, I have like a PhD in forgiveness.
So like, I've done it with so many people.
Like, I mean, like I've had so many things happen.
That's why I had a spreadsheet, bro.
You don't have a spreadsheet, you don't get a PhD.
But like, so what do you think the inclination is?
Because I know, I mean, betrayal sucks, right?
But like, do you feel like she'd be getting off if you let her, if you forgave her?
Yeah, I just feel like, like, I thought she was one way and then she turned out to be
completely different.
I thought she was someone I could trust.
I mean, I really like, it's been a long time since I thought I could trust a woman.
And I thought like, wow, she's great, blah, blah, blah.
And then, you know, she turned around and said some things about me, which were just
like, wow, I did not see that coming.
And then, and then she, when I told her how I felt, she just like took no responsibility
for it.
It's like, oh, you're, you know, you're make blowing it out of proportion.
That's not what I said, blah, blah, blah, didn't want to take any responsibility for
it.
So I was just like, wow, okay.
I'm sorry about that.
That stinks.
Yeah.
Right.
I mean, like betrayal is one thing.
And then like, when, I don't, I think the hardest ones for me are when I thought somebody
was some way and then they flipped.
I mean, and you know, then you get a, then you, they bury a hatchet in your back, a frickin
knife in your back.
You're like, yeah, that's great.
You know?
And one of the things is I always, I always used to think, I remember, I mean, it took
me a long time to learn this is it's like, you're not, you're, you're giving justice
to God and allowing Him to do it.
You're not letting, you're letting it go to Him and like the Lord, because He's the one
that takes, you know, He's the one that deals with it.
But like for me, like, I mean, how many times, you know, and like, I just like, I'm like,
Jesus, I've screwed up so many times and I've betrayed your trust so many times.
I mean, shoot.
And when somebody does that for me, I, man, it's not easy, but like, it's like, I also
don't want to give the enemy a hold to pound my face because, because when you don't let
things go, he's sitting in heaven going, hey, he's accuser of the brethren, right?
He's like, hey, Rodney's got this.
That means I can just tee off on the dude until he gets go.
And so, so when I realized that, hey, Jesus, you know, I've done a heck of a lot worse
than most people do to me, to Jesus, and that it gives the enemy a freaking full license
to tee off and destroy my life.
I'm like, it's pretty dumb.
You know, I have to, I have to go through this process of myself.
I'm like, yeah, I don't want to let that go.
I'm like, yeah, but I'm giving the enemy a foothold.
And I'm like, no, I really don't.
I really don't want that.
I'd much rather...
Right.
No, that's a hundred percent.
And I know that and, and I love the way Jackie lays it out.
She does a really good job, you know, saying why we need to forgive and why it's in our
best...
I think the biggest thing that I'm having a hard time letting go of is this lie that
somehow, you know, I need this for like self-protection.
If I let this go, then it's going to happen to me again.
Right.
And I know that's a lie, but it's, it's, man, it's hard.
Yeah.
I'm like, help me.
Well, because your nervous system's like, oh, you know, I mean, self-protection's a,
I mean, it's a big, I mean, we, we don't like it.
We do.
I mean, nobody likes getting, you know, getting hit, but getting drilled is a whole nother
thing.
And the enemy and, you know, and like the enemy really wants us not to trust women.
So we can't have healthy relationships.
Like because I don't know about you, like, I'm, I'm just going to talk about how he's
like, she's just like her, like, like, you know, and I'm like, I've literally, you guys,
so tools that I've used, right.
So I was starting to date somebody and I kept getting flashes of my ex.
I mean, like it was, I literally every day started the day with this is not, X is not
my, this person is not my ex because I needed to retrain my subconscious because it was
automatically pattern recognizing that this person's a threat, right.
And once I started delineating that, not everybody is somebody who's driven a dagger through
my heart, you know, like so, but your nervous system doesn't know otherwise sometimes.
So I hope that's helpful.
Sometimes you need to delimit because your nervous system is like,
oh, woman, interest.
We've been hurt before, danger, in the simplest of forms.
So when you say, you know, and so staying present,
working through the forgiveness helps.
But also sometimes you just have to tell yourself,
like literally speak it out loud and say, this person isn't that.
And that usually corrects it for me.
And it happens with people at work.
I'm like, this dude's not my dad.
I hope that's helpful for you guys, because sometimes you'll
have reactions and you don't really know why.
Well, people will trigger reactions
from prior parts of your life.
So Rodney, I'm proud of you for getting through, dude.
Like, that's a rough gig.
Yeah, I have one other question before I'm
going to have to head out here pretty soon.
But I wanted to ask about, I see on Thursday
there's online dating class or whatever.
What is that all about?
So Thursdays rotate.
And there's usually something like, sometimes
there'll be advanced chart work.
Renee will teach a class on how to set up dating
port-a-files and online things.
I don't know if you.
Yeah, there's one that says it's called online dating.
OK, so it sounds like, because I think that's probably Renee.
She's really good at that stuff.
Is it?
Yeah.
And so she'll just tell you how to do.
Renee is really cool, because she'll cover a lot of things
and she'll ask questions.
And she did, she's learned.
I've learned so much from her, right?
Because it's like a Q&A then with her.
I mean, we did, last time we did it,
she does online dating and just dating in general.
It is Q&A. Last time, she was really encouraging us
to come camera ready.
And we did like a little mock two minute back and forth
like dating, like first to get to know you
kind of role playing thing.
But yeah, it's good.
Even if you can't, you can catch the last one and replay.
I think it will give you a vibe.
Check out the replays, Rodney.
Check out the replays, dude.
Yeah, I'll do that.
Just turn them on like one and a half speed or whatever,
you know, save yourself some time.
Yeah, that seems like a good idea.
Yeah, catch a vibe.
Everything I watch on the internet's one and a half
speed.
I'm like a robot now.
It's horrible.
I mean, if you like being one of the only guys,
like, I mean, if you want someone to be like,
oh, hey, here's a guy and like 50 women.
No, it is, dude.
It's mostly women, man.
OK.
It's 99.9% women.
When I see it, you know.
Oh, yeah, I'll check out the replay.
My DMs blew up.
I jumped on a Thursday and my DMs blew up,
but I wasn't ready to date.
I'm still not dating long distance.
I got nothing, man.
So you're lucky, man.
Really?
I got nothing.
No bulls.
Yet?
No?
Yet.
Have you been spotlighted yet?
I mean, we did the role play thing,
but no, I haven't done a spotlight.
Yeah, so I mean, I don't know.
Who knows, but like, sorry.
But like, no, like Renee is really good at all that stuff.
She's really helped me with all that.
And so, hey, Kevin, how you doing?
OK.
Just thought I'd stop in to say hi since I'm off today.
Aren't you getting a new job, it sounds like?
Show us what you're doing.
Kind of.
My other two jobs that I thought I was moving for
didn't work out, but the owner of the company
that I previously worked for gave me a union call out.
So I'm still getting paid union skill, which is really good.
But I'm not driving truck.
I'm building forms and retaining walls and footers and stuff.
He's building a house, but he's paying me full scale.
So that actually works out way better for me
because I have time to clean up the place that I'm staying in,
which is his trailer park.
I'm in my RV and get my stuff moved 500 miles away
to my homestead for when I'm done working for him
and he decides to close down this trailer park
because he's in his 80s.
So I prayed for God's will, the best outcome,
and that's what I got.
The other two jobs turned me down
after they made it sound real promising
that I was getting hired.
So I'm working, but I'm working seven in the morning
to seven at night, and that's Alaska time.
So I'm probably at least two hours earlier than everybody,
if not five.
Okay.
Isn't the sun up all the time now over there?
It's up a lot.
It still gets dark at night at like 11 or 12 o'clock.
Oh, okay. That's weird. Yeah.
But it depends on how far north you are.
The further north you are, the longer it stays light.
So, like...
up in Fairbanks, they've probably got another two hours of light than we do, you know.
Are you saying the earth is round or flat? What are you saying to me right now?
It's round. Okay. But, but further, but further north, they get more light. They get more light
during, you know, more in the, in the summer, it's lighter more of the time. And in the winter,
it's darker more of the time. The nights are longer in the winter up there and the days are
longer in the summer up there. So just like the drastic temperature change, it'll run, it'll run
40, 50 below in the wintertime of my Fairbanks and it'll run into hundreds in the summertime,
you know. So, you know, where I'm at, I'm in Valdez. We run from zero to
mid-70s, low 80s sometimes, but we, we get tons of precipitation and tons of snow.
Well, I'm glad you're working. That's good. Cause that's a change and, you know,
changes like the Lord's moving and doing something. Yeah. We don't always know what he does,
but he's moving. Right. So I think my, my date and stuff's kind of on hold for a while. I mean,
I'm working six days a week, so. Yeah. That kind of takes out. And then, you know, like,
I mean, there's seasons, right? Yeah. But I've, it gives me a chance to stockpile, you know,
for the winter and stuff. So I've been working a lot of seasonal anyway, so I'm kind of used to it,
but it's just a lot harder grunt work. It's a lot harder on my body. That rebar is pretty big that
we're, that we're building. Yeah. Yeah. We're building 30 foot retainer walls that are foots
that are a foot thick. Oh, so you're getting your, you're getting your body back. So you,
when you're dating, you look like, you know, studleys felt and all that, you know,
getting ripped. There you go. Get my girlie sugar back. Get my girlish. Do I, have I shared it on
here? Like I did not. I was like, I sure that all the time. And I'm like, Oh, I did not do
that on here. Did I? Yes I did. Oh, well I don't even know where that kid. Anyway, let's let's
segue. Somebody save me. Yeah. I just, I just turned 59 a few days ago. So,
well, you know, it's, you know, there's a power in 90 days. Like, you know, 90 days I decided
I'm going to get, I want my body back. Right. And you know, I'm like, I'm not able to lift
as much as I used to. Well, not yet. I mean, I'm all right. Well, there were sometimes, okay.
Weightlifting analogy, but it actually is kind of a life analogy. So good bodybuilders. Well,
how I was trained, let's just put it that way. I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to,
like, is like, you start out, you just do low rep, you go high reps, low weight,
and you build your blood vessels, you build your capillary, you build everything.
And then, cause you don't really want to start bulking up without all the blood flow and all the,
all the supply. So that way, when you do start bulking and actually building,
you have the foundation for, for the muscle that you're putting it on and you don't get hurt as
much and starve out anyways, and you can grow and you can get bigger. Is that why my, why my hands
go to sleep at night is because there's too much muscle and not enough blood flow? No, probably
because you have a nerve right here or a nerve up here in your neck that's pinched because maybe
you're, are you too far forward? If you're too, you know, like, so people think that by pulling
your shoulders back, that fixes it. It's actually your hip hinge. Yeah. You know, like, so if you're,
we're, we're constantly like forward, but it's your hip. You got to bring your,
your core back and then your little auto. So if you're always forward, you're putting tension
on your brachial nerve and your neck. And ask me how I know. No, don't actually. But,
but my whole point is sometimes, you know, you really want to lay the foundation
for what you're doing. Right. And so in 90 days, you know, I, I mean, I was sitting there doing
weight and I'm like, this is so I'm bored out of my mind in the gym, like, you know, like curling
twenties, like, but I knew I was building something, right. I was building up. We're going to build my
way up. And so like, you know, I always say like guys have a ring fund if, because you want to be
married. But like, one of the things like, Hey, what kind of light, what kind of marriage do you
want? Like, I mean, like, are you in a place? I mean, a lot of people are like, you know,
I want to do this, that when we get there, but then it never happened. If you're not doing it
now, when you get there, it's not going to happen. I mean, like usually, I mean, odds,
odds are, if you want to be active and have a lot of fun and dance and do all this stuff,
if you're not doing something active now, when you get in a relationship, that's not going to
change a thing. So like now you can build up.
and get your balance back, get your flexibility back.
What, in all like financial things,
and I love that you're doing the heart work, dude.
I mean, I give you all props.
I mean, I say this all the time,
but I'm so proud of you all,
because I was in Reading talking to ladies today, right?
Or this weekend.
And one of the things they're like,
man, there's all these dudes
don't know how to own their stuff.
They don't know how to forgive.
They don't know how to let go, right?
Like, you know, and like, I was like,
well, hopefully they come into the program.
I don't know.
Like, I don't know what to tell you,
but like, so I just want to honor you guys,
because I hear that women like,
they're like, they're all boys.
I mean, men handle stuff, right?
Boys just run from it.
And I just, I just want to say, I'm proud of y'all.
And like, you got, you know, you guys,
you can be a victim without being a victim.
I mean, I've been victimized by so many different things,
but I choose to just like, hey, you know what?
That's part of who, what made me and built me,
but I'm not going to let her.
And I worked through forgiveness.
I grieved.
I mean, I'm not like setting it aside.
I did the heart work on it so I could move forward.
But like, there's one of these guys,
this guy up there I know pretty well.
Actually, hopefully I can get in a convo with him,
but I was getting feedback from some of the gals
that the dude's amazing, right?
But when he gets in relationship, he doesn't own his stuff.
And you guys, when a woman comes to you and says something,
a lot of times we take it as an attack.
Well, let me rephrase that.
I used to take it as an attack, right?
You know, I used to get super defensive and like, what?
You know, like, and really she just had a problem
that was something, something was killing her
that I was doing.
And she was just trying to bring it up.
But I would get so defensive because I'm like,
what, I'm not enough?
You know, and like, so in that thing,
when a woman comes to you, like, you're gonna have,
okay, I hope I'm not blowing any bubbles here,
popping any bubbles.
But when you get in relationship, there's conflict.
It's part of the gig, right?
It's the great relationships are the ones
that know how to work through it,
where you own your part, they own your part.
You guys, you know, repair and connect and move forward.
So, but these are all things that you can work on
before you're in a relationship, right?
Like, you know, and like in your, and like,
I mean, I had to own stuff.
I actually apologized to my boss,
who's been a total great person to me lately.
Like, you know, and so, but I was like, hey,
but I kind of lost my cool.
And I was like, hey, I'm sorry.
That was inappropriate, not a lot, you know?
And, but like, and another thing, you guys,
one of the things, you may be 10% at fault
and they're 90% at fault,
but you can apologize for your 10%.
And sometimes apologizing for that 10%
will bridge the gap and they'll apologize for their 90.
And I'm not saying it's a give to get thing,
but like, just own your stuff, right?
And I mean, I heard these late,
I mean, multiple ladies like, yeah,
why do dudes get off defensive?
And they, all we're trying to do is tell them,
hey, this isn't working for me.
And I'm like, yeah, we don't really take criticism
super well, especially from women.
Like, it's a defense mechanism.
I think it's because we really like the person
and we don't want to look stupid.
I don't know about you guys, but I hate looking stupid.
Like, you know?
I think it works both ways, even if the guy,
I mean, if we said something to them,
we'd probably get the same reaction
as what they're getting saying something to us.
Yes and no, either, either, either.
I mean, okay, I can argue either way.
I just know that I need to own my stuff.
I can only work on my side of the fence.
If somebody, okay, and that's a red flag.
Like, you walk into a relationship
and they're not owning their stuff,
it's, this is where you walk the other direction, right?
That's one of the key things.
If they don't own their stuff,
you can't have a relationship.
Or have a talk with them and see if they'll fix it,
you know, or.
Repair, are they willing to repair?
Are they willing to own their part?
Or they take accountability for their actions, right?
It's like, hey, you're shooting me.
I know you're not intentionally shooting me with a gun,
but, or with your words of your mouth.
But like, I got holes all in me
from your being frustrated today.
And I'm bleeding out.
And I really am having a hard time moving forward
because I'm bleeding out and you're still wanting,
and you're still just, you know.
And if they go, oh my gosh, I'm sorry.
You know, I didn't realize, you know.
And they come back and apologize
and then work to change it.
Like, you know.
Well, that's the big advantage.
of meeting somebody on this site is that they're doing hard work and they're
having to address this stuff doing their hard work whereas if you go on other
dating sites you're rolling the dice. Well and and that's and they're in a
community that is like hey they can bounce things off like we like what do
we do like that's why I ask you guys like hey let's do it like they can
bounce things off like hey he gets super defensive well and you know and a lot
of times I'll tell ladies hey was he in the middle of a heated thing did it just
happen yeah it's like terrible time to bring it up maybe maybe a little while
later once his adrenaline's come down and he's not in in in warrior mode to
fix it you could say hey you know that didn't work so good for me right I'm
like but women don't get worried I try to explain warrior mode it's like when a
dudes walking away from me because he's upset and his arm and he's like he's
trying to honor you because he doesn't want to blow up and then if you're
confronting him he's trying to get away so he can chill out and we can and as if
you're in warrior mode you can say hey you know I just need a minute just to
calm down and walk away and actually use your words so she doesn't chase you
anyways conflict resolution right you guys can work on that in any
relationship I do it at work but that is things building your foundation for
great relationships right you know I was thinking you know like sorry I was
late it's okay it's a hunter good to see you so you know one of the things love
is so like I love first Corinthians I just wonder I just felt like leading
because there's some things in this that we don't do really well or I mean I'm
not saying just dudes but like in general so everybody knows and this is
a passion passion translation but love is large and incredibly patient love is
gentle and consistently kind to all it refuses to be jealous when blessing
comes to someone else love does not brag about one's achievements nor inflate its
own importance love does not traffic in shame and disrespect or selfishly sleek
its own honor love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense you
know and you guys I don't know how often I like I go to a fence pretty quick
right and so I have to like when I read this I'm like man love doesn't take
offense right love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what's
wrong so you guys you know one of the things um that I've watched almost split
my church well I mean there's quite a bit of damage it's people jumping to not
staying in love but jumping to offense and judgment without any like immediately
no there wasn't any vetting there wasn't any asking your questions it was you're
proven you're guilty till proven innocent and like love thinks the best
that's it that was the last one love thinks the best so like I have to and I
just shared this because this is kind of my process because when I was sitting
I'm gonna I'm gonna choose to love and I'm gonna think the best of this that
this person didn't do that intentionally or and even if they did they're still
better than that because when you get in a relationship the enemy the first thing
he does is say they're your they're your enemy so if you're always jumping to
offense you're gonna jump right in yeah they are and then it's on and you break
relationship right and there and this is really important in intimate
relationships because they're not your enemy the enemy is your enemy and if
you're walking in love you're patient you're kind you're not jumping to offense
you're thinking that the best how many of you guys have had a thought like oh
man this person is doing this because of this and you kind of go on this freak
tilt-a-whirl and or whatever like this this it goes that you extrapolate in
your mind and then it never actually that wasn't the intent and it's not
actually what happened I do that I do that a lot of times I'll jump to this
conclusion oh they did this because of this and man they're bad right just be
perfectly honest and then I find out the reasoning behind it and I'm like man I
thought the worst they actually didn't and didn't even and sometimes people are
like I didn't even know I hurt you bro I'm sorry right so but my whole point is
we need to be slow to speak slow to be angry thinking the best you know and
that way and proceeding in love and it's it's something it's a thing you have to
learn well let me phrase that you can choose to learn it and choose to learn
it when you're not in a relationship that you really value and and this will
be like the massive foundation and a gift to whoever you're in relationship
and all of your relationships but and and I and I like I said you guys I
I've got I've been practicing it for a while, but I'm still there's still times where I get lit,
you know, but and I think and I jumped to the worst because I'm like, oh man, they knew better.
And they're like, yeah, they knew better. A lot of times they didn't. So does that make sense?
Yeah, I think it's funny that the I didn't think about a relationship. But I thought when I first
started working for the sheriff, I don't like I would get in a pursuit on the radio. And I would
be trying to echo what the unit saying, they're saying street names, speeds, things like that.
And so I would be thinking I'm doing pretty good. And then I would say, like,
copy passing empire. And somebody would say, he said, passing Elm. And so I corrected passing
Elm, you know, and they did that. And every time I did, I like resented it. I'm like,
God, you know, I'm doing fine. I don't. Why are people like always correcting me and stuff?
And then I just reformulated one day and I'm like, I'm sorry, they're trying to help me.
The fact that they're even paying attention during this priority incident that like people
could die. Whereas, you know, I've been in times where nobody helps you and then you realize how
bad. And I realized they're not trying to correct me. They're not trying to, like, trip me up or
point out my mistakes. But my body was in default mode of, oh, my God, I'm not perfect. And so
reframing that has really helped. So that's what I was actually thinking about that whole assuming
that they're just like, assuming me incompetent and assuming me not good enough to do it on my
own and all of that stuff. And that's just that was just wrong in so many ways.
No, that's so good, Christopher. That's exactly what I'm talking about. And if
the woman that you're that you're in relationship, if you're assuming that about her,
that she's picking, you know, women want the best for us. Like, that's well, I mean, like a good
one. Like, I was like, if you're in a relationship and she doesn't want the best for you, we like
X day on that. Yeah, you just get a great big trouble. Yeah. But like, so most and they're very
much more in tune with the relationship that we are like, like, women are like more intuitive.
I mean, there's some dudes that are, yeah, but women 99% of the time are going to have the
pulse. So that so when they bring something up, they're like, hey, this is her this, this needs
to be addressed. The Gottman's out of the anyways, there's this couple that can predict divorce by
with 80, or it's like 90%. You know, one of the things that they say is, I mean, there's,
there's a couple things, but the forehort, like one of them is jumping to contempt and jumping
to things like if you're jumping to that, they have this intent. First of all, you never know
their intent. And even if they did have that intent, it's still something you should be able
to work through. And they can like, and if they let if they repent and let go, but the other one
was bid for attention. And I watched you do you guys, I see this constantly, and it crushes me.
Where so when a woman comes up and says, hey, you want to do something like, I don't know,
something, something that we wouldn't normally do. Like, you know, you want to go can't even think,
do a chick thing, right? What they're saying is, hey, do you want to be part of my life?
It's called a bid for connection. Right? So and we go, hey, you want to go when I go out
to the baseball game, or like, that's our bid for connection. And, and one of the things they say,
the people who have great relationships are the ones that pay attention to the bids for connection
and join. So when I want when a woman asks you, hey, how was your day? She's not asking how was
your day? What she's saying is, I want to connect with you. And I want to know how you're doing.
Right? But we go, I'm good. Like, and we missed the opportunity for connection. Right? So, and
I don't even want to know right this second. But, but the whole point being, if you jump to
conclusions, and you jump to offense, you can't connect, because they become your enemy. And that
destroys relationships. And if you don't join them when they invite you, or they don't join you
when you invite them. Oh, is that what you did? Okay, cool. Yeah, no, that, hey, you guys, the
Gottman's have some really good stuff. But my whole thing is, you guys, you can work on it now
before you get in a relationship. And so that you can be the best you and you I mean, and all your
relationships are important. This isn't just, hey, this is for dating relationships. This is work
relationships. This is family relationships. And you know, and most people, I don't know how many
times I hear people say boundary, I'm so tired of hearing people say, you cross my boundaries. Okay,
you guys, just just really want if you don't state it, there is no boundary. Now, if you state it,
and then they cross it, they have crossed a boundary. Otherwise, it's not a boundary. Now,
if you're upset, you
may have a boundary that you should have drawn but you didn't so therefore you can't hold them
into account because you never said it. You may not want to say it but if you don't say it you
can't hold them accountable. Just like I know this is and the whole point of boundaries is just to
protect love. It's not to keep people out. It's hey if you continue this you're gonna our
relationship's gonna fray to the point where we're gonna it's gonna blow up and there's gonna be no
capacity for love anymore. So what I'm gonna do is say hey I need you to step back until you can
because this is killing me and protect our the chance for our relationship to actually win.
I just had that experience with somebody I was dating. I put a boundary down and it was an
interesting it was a good conversation because I said all right now I hear you but I understand
that you're establishing boundary I didn't cross that boundary like I didn't know and in fact you
said very much the opposite at least that's the way I interpreted it and like oh okay I see that
and I'm like so it was a good conversation but I'm glad that I was kind of had the right of it
because I was like this is weird because you gave me A and now it's B but you understand it's B now
I get it cool we're okay now now that you've explained I thought A was okay now I'm saying B
it's okay I'm not holding you accountable for the new standard that I just established.
But you're establishing something and now going forward like you guys both of you
are in the same place I mean and that's a great point Christopher sometimes you think
you establish here's my boundary and the other person's like I don't fully understand and they
and they and most people don't go like I don't fully understand that then you're like you crossed
it like was could you clarify that because you know and I think clarifying is really important
and but the whole point of boundaries is not to control people it's not to manipulate people
it's actually to protect love and to be like hey if you continue doing this we're gonna hit heads
really hard and we're gonna it's gonna break our relationship so I need to just I need you to
respect this so that way we can have a we can keep our relationship and if you can't then I'm gonna
have to push you back a little bit until you can and I don't want to do that but like your actions
are going to determine that that that thing well you're controlling me no actually I you can do
whatever you want but I'm gonna but what you do I'm going to make a decision off of that but like
no that's super good Christopher thank you so I just really wanted to talk about like coming in
love right um like realizing that love doesn't isn't offended right or um and love gets offended
just doesn't get easily offended it doesn't get easily offended but and it thinks the best
you guys I've been I get in so many I do a lot of me I don't know I get in a lot I I just end
up in a lot of things where people and they're they're like this dude I mean I'm looking it's
so dumb from the outside you're like you guys are so close um all right okay good but like it's
people are it's the stupidest things that separate and it's a lot of times it's like it's a a
conception like the sky is blue no it's actually a violet you know like it's like you guys this is
so dumb but yet they're like they're entrenched as enemies and they're working from disconnection
versus connection and I'm like hey do you care that the sky is blue and the sky is violet does
it really matter no like so what she was saying is like hey I just want to connect and I didn't
feel like you connected and like oh is that what that meant wow I'm feeling disconnected and I want
a connection and so yeah so so I don't mean to interrupt but so you so you said something about
about rubbing people the wrong way when you say something so a lot of times people jump to
conclusions they jump like most of the things that people fight about are stupid like honestly
like they're like they're they're like inconsequential um I've watched marriages
break up over things that really were just not really that big a deal if they could have come
into some agreement and they could have started with love so yes I had this situation I had this
situation with one girl when we were in Malta overseas she's June and she's a young lady and
then finally I said something about her and she took it the wrong way and got offended even though
I didn't mean with intent with that kind of intention then later I was and then I was
guilty and then all of a sudden after that she was a Christian and she liked that I did and then
finally I made a compliment about I saw her neck and finally I was like complimenting about her neck and then
finally she get really offended by because you know women say if you say something that they get
emotionally and the other women next to her try to defend
by saying, oh, she can't handle emotion like me.
I'm like, wow, a lot of people say something about me.
Why can't you?
Then she goes, women don't shake it that way.
Finally, as I rubbed it the wrong way,
she says, you ruined the thing.
Now she changed the topic about guilting me
on what I've done with other things that don't involve her.
And then, and as like walking away from this thinking,
this wasn't a fun conversation.
Finally, I apologized.
And even though I told her that it was not,
I didn't say it was an intention of offending,
then that's why we cleared up with her.
I just apologize.
Sure, I don't believe that.
Even though I'm not at fault, at least in the end,
some other way that-
Okay, okay.
So Hunter, Hunter, Hunter.
Okay, so fault, you know, like that's a big word
right there, right?
Like, you may, in your mind,
you may not have done anything wrong,
but they were impacted.
Like you get women, like you guys went like,
whether you're right or wrong,
like if somebody's hurting because, and you're right,
I mean like, you know, is it better to be right
or be in a relationship?
And I think that's sometimes, I'm like, dude, you guys,
like there has to be honesty,
but there's some things where you may have had
the best of intentions, but they got crushed by it.
And maybe it's because they're triggered.
Maybe it's like, I mean, there could be a million reasons,
but like to have a grace on, like Paul's,
like, you know, like there's meat to idols.
Like don't let it, if it doesn't stumble,
and you can let it go, let it go, right?
And sometimes you can take it,
have the grace to help somebody work through things
that they get triggered by.
And like, and Hunter, you, like she got offended.
And you know, I don't.
Well, it's also the condition she was in.
She has a thing with her eyes that her eyelids
turn to a certain condition.
She was born with a condition.
Even as I got, that's strange,
but she takes it a wrong way and she has to live with it.
Even though I didn't say anything about it
and I never saw about it,
I was thinking that's a strange condition.
Yeah, well, and Hunter, before you got on,
we just talked about love joyfully celebrates honesty
and finds no delight in what's wrong.
Love is a safe place of shelter
for it never stops living the best for others.
And love never takes failure as defeat.
And you guys, man, like,
have you heard about,
have you ever had somebody shopping cart you?
This is what I could call it.
I don't know.
I don't know if there's other things, but they're like,
so they're like, you're like, man, you stepped on my foot.
And, and here's the shopping cart.
And the list just keeps going on and on.
And this and that and this and that.
And you're like, wow.
I don't even know what this started by,
but like shopping carting is.
I don't know.
I mean, there's a mom, dude.
And so one of those things, it's like,
you have to kind of like, like, hey, time out.
Like, I am sorry that I just stepped on your foot.
Everything else, like you have to keep,
it's not fair in conflict when you have a conflict
to bring, to get historical.
Like you always, if you ever say you always,
you just need to stop right freaking there.
Like that is a, that is a cold stop
because there's never anybody who always does something.
Like, like, you know, like it's, it's,
it may feel that way, but there's a reality
that there's never a hundred percent.
And so, but what I'm saying is you guys keep in conflict,
keep what's present present.
Like, like if this happened today, let's just sit on that.
And if there's something that comes up,
but can we, you can, hey, hey, I hear you saying that.
Can we stay on this point?
And we can, it sounds like you want to address that.
Can we address that next maybe?
Or at a different time, but like right now,
can we just stay on what's at hand?
Because a lot of times it turns into,
I don't know about you guys,
but I've been rolled over by that snowball so many times.
Right?
It's like.
That just happened to me, that exact thing,
the listing of, oh, and then you did this and this.
Then I, you know, it's a vulnerability for me
because I realized that I'm kind of sensitive about,
I'm like, hey, I feel like everyone's just like
I'm monitoring for the 10 things I do right.
And then that one thing just deletes the last 10.
And that, that is a vulnerability I have to kind of work.
Well, and it sucks.
You're like, you know, and you guys, I think it,
I don't remember the number, but it's a lot.
I think honestly, it's like,
you need seven compliments for every negative interaction
or seven positives for every negative or whatever.
Maybe it was 10, it was a lot.
But like that one thing we can be cognizant of,
you know, Denny still calls it the hero sandwich.
It's like, hey, you know what?
You're really good at this.
You're really good at that.
I just really appreciate it about you.
Yeah, and this thing happened, it really
wasn't so good for me.
But I really appreciate you,
and I really value you.
But, um, when
somebody starts snowballing,
I don't even know what you want to call it,
you need to like, put a time out in.
It's like, hey, can we address this at hand?
Can we, or, and just,
can we step back? Because as soon as
they start grabbing those things,
it just, I don't know about you,
I've never not seen it escalate.
Right? And so,
and so like, by saying, hey,
time out, time out, hey, put a pin
in that, I want,
you never, ever,
you always never
want to,
but like,
it is, if they're bringing
something up, it's something where you
can say, hey, I would love to
address that, because it's obviously bothering you.
Um, and
that actually can take some of those things
out of the snowball, but
like, but stopping
the roll of that snowball and saying
hey, wait a second, but in the
whole thing,
if you're thinking the best, you're not going to jump
to the shopping list.
Right? And if you have
a shopping list, it means you haven't dealt
with things,
and you should.
And if they have a shopping list,
and, but not in a time when you're
heated, I mean, that's, hey,
we're both ignited with fire,
and I, oh, I got this bucket
of gasoline, we could put it out
with that, that's going to be so great, right?
I mean, that's most people's,
I don't know, like, I grew up with
no, my conflict resolution never happened.
You know, my stepdad was 6'5",
3'20",
and there was no,
I mean, he just would blow,
roll over people, there was no having any,
there was no, his resolution was,
if you come up, you're going to get smashed.
Right? And so,
but, I hope this is helpful, you guys,
I, you know, I was trying, I've been asking
the Lord all day, I wanted to go to,
like,
you know, like, relational foundational,
right? Like, you need
to be so in lockstep with Jesus
right now that He's your source,
because if you think you get in a relationship,
and they're going to fix
your deficiencies,
you know, the whole soulmate,
they'll complete me! No!
No! No!
Two trainwrecks equals two trainwrecks,
and it's a problem
partnership, and hopefully there,
you guys are both whole enough
to work through things, but it's
not a completion, they can compliment
you, you know, like, you know,
Jackie talks about being complimentary
opposites, polar opposites,
bad plan, complimentary opposites, great!
So, but like,
marriage is intended
to be, I get filled up
with Jesus, I'm in a relationship
with you, and
what, out of my, you know, I don't
need you to sustain me, because I have Jesus
sustaining me, and Jesus is sustaining
you, and we just get to hang out together
and live life with each other.
Right? But if you're not solid
in your relationship with Jesus,
marriage is,
isn't going to fix that.
If you have a problem with
pornography, marriage isn't going to fix that.
If you have a problem, I'm like,
I hope, I hope you all
hear this in love, I mean, because I thought all these things
marriage fixed it, dude, I can tell
you it makes it worse. Right?
And so,
I want you all to win,
and like, right now, you can be setting
foundations that set
you up to win in your relationships.
You can get your walk with
the Lord rock solid, you don't need,
and the other thing is, is if you don't
need somebody to fill that gap in you,
you're going to choose somebody who's actually
pretty phenomenal and good for you.
But if you need somebody to complete you,
man, that's a recipe for disaster.
And you find it
never, no one's going to complete you,
and I know I have been...
Jesus is the only one that can complete you.
And then, I just noticed that it ends up being a myth.
How is it that when
I wind a spirit mate, but outside
of that, all these years I've been doing,
I had things going for me, and
many of them were positive.
So, I'm sorry,
I didn't understand. So, what was the
question, Hunter? I heard what you said, I'm just
trying to understand what the question is in that.
Can you clarify that?
The more I start doing outside
all these years, I've been doing,
I had things going for me that are positive,
and the more I do those things, the more
me winding a spirit mate to complete
me makes less sense, because...
Oh no, that's, yeah, because you're getting a hole.
Okay, you guys, if you're a hole,
you're like, hey, I'm looking for a partner,
I want to help meet somebody.
And here's the other thing,
man, I guess I'm slaying all these
sacred cows tonight.
I'm sorry, you guys.
But, what is the purpose of marriage?
If you think the purpose of marriage
is
a relationship, it's not.
It's a partnership where you guys help each other become all God intends you to be.
There has to be something bigger than just your relationship.
Because if it's just your relationship, even if Jesus is in the middle, if you guys don't
have something bigger than your marriage, then when the wind blows, it's just going
to blow you over.
But if you're both like, hey, our marriage is meant to glorify God and we're going to
walk into this and we're going to change this and change that, when the enemy comes
and you guys aren't liking each other for that day, you're going to be like, yeah, I'm
really kind of pissed at them because they were really unkind to me last night.
But I still love them.
But it's not about me, it's about the covenant we made before God and God's plan for what
He's going to do through us.
So if you're just getting in a marriage just for the sex and friendship, that lasts months.
It needs to have a foundation built on something bigger than it, bigger than you, bigger than
each other.
Bigger than the incentives.
Well, and you guys, you know, I think this might be, well, I've already mentioned too
many things.
But, you know, one of the things, dreams, my dreams have been crushed pretty much my
whole life.
Like, you know, I don't know about you guys, but like, I had a lot of dreams and like,
I was actually really good at baseball.
I could hit a baseball frickin' forever.
And I could throw mid, you know, low 90s.
And then my stepdad said, get a job or get out.
And so I never got to play college ball.
And you know, I could have chased that, chased that forever.
Like, I'm not, but like, or football, I ran a 4-4-40 at six foot 185 and built like a
breakout house.
Right.
Nobody could block me.
And I was like, I could have played in the NFL.
And those were dreams that I had that got, that just came crashing down.
But you know, the cool, what I, my prayer for you guys is that you find somebody that
you go, Hey, what are your dreams?
Hey, let's do that.
And they go, Hey, what's a dream of yours?
Let's do that.
And you guys lift each other up and, and build, build the kingdom and build each other.
Right.
You know, like, and it's beautiful.
And you're looking for a partner, not a, I mean, like, I hope you're looking for a partner
because if you're looking, that's the only way it works is, you know, God built to help
me and to help me.
So many of the women bristle at that, dude, it's like, like warrior fricking princess,
man.
Like, it's not, it's not, it's like, it's like a shield, you know, shield bearer, but
like, yeah, she may be a little different, but man, you're looking for somebody who can
slay dragons with you.
Any tips on treating an introvert as an extrovert?
Oh man.
They, they re they need, well, okay.
Labels can be prisons, right?
And I'm going to speak very broadly.
I married an introvert.
So what I learned being married to an introvert is she recharges very differently than me.
And I didn't get it for the longest time, dude.
I'm like, okay, I got to go out and hang out with some people.
I'm recharged.
I'm going to go, let's party for the rest of the night.
She's like, I talked to three people and I'm done for a week.
And I'm like, what?
It's not, it wasn't that bad, but that's what it felt like, right?
So extrovert, introvert, really it's charging what, what, what, what restores you, right?
So, and you guys, every one of you should know what, what, what, what your recharge
thing.
Me, I'm an extrovert, but people, sometimes people are a lot for me and there's other,
you know, and so I need to know when my people quotient is cause I'll, I'll, I'll get in
there and I'll light up the room and have so much fun and be dancing on tables.
Right.
But then I need to, I actually need to have some decompression time sometimes too.
So I'm introvert, extrovert.
Most of it is just how you restore your, your batteries.
Cause I've, I know my best friend is an introvert, right?
But he can be so extroverted for a short burst of time and he is so much fun, right?
And then he's got to go back to the shed and recharge.
So and he recharges very in solace and in a journal and I'm like, nah, I'm going to
go hang out with somebody like, so, so, oh, and that's, I mean, I know we're all over
the place, but is this helpful for you guys?
Like you gotta have other people outside of your romance, other dudes, right?
You need to have people other than your spouse that help where you can get out and get, um,
get some perspective, have some fun.
You know, if your spouse is your soul.
social thing, that doesn't work.
And you're hers, like both of you need outlets
other than each other.
Because, so I mean, for me, I have friends where I go out
and that's where I go out and throw the ball around,
do something, I go out and hit the gym
and I get recharged that way.
My ex would just read a book, watch a movie
and have some chill time and she'd invite me into that
and I'm like, that sounds like so much fun.
But, and I miss Chances for Bits for Connection,
just saying, and I'm trying to,
I'm just trying to give you life things,
things to look at, problems, issues,
because I want you all to win.
And if you get it now, when you get into your relationship
with your spirit mate, you're gonna be like,
that's a bid for connection,
I'm gonna freaking crush it, touchdown, baby.
Versus like, how was your day?
Ah, good, what's ever, I was a little rough at work.
You know, I was thinking about you, how was yours?
And then all of a sudden, connection, relationship,
you know, other fun stuff follows if you're married,
just like, not that you do it for that,
but the Bits for Connection, like, you know,
and you want somebody who will join you on your adventures.
I mean, I can say a lot about my ex,
but she did some crazy things.
I learned about quilting, she learned about cars.
Like, I'm like pulling cars,
I made the freaking, we're at the garage
and I'm like, she's handing me, you know,
wrenches and stuff and I'm cussing like a sailor
because I just smashed my knuckles.
Then she's like bandaging up the bleeding knuckles
from breaking things loose.
I don't know if you've ever worked on cars,
but when you're in a short space
and all of a sudden it breaks loose, you're like, oh.
But like somebody that'll join you,
somebody who's like, hey, I mean, you guys,
find somebody that you guys can build your dreams together.
But if you jump to offense,
if you don't look at them the best,
the enemy is like, she's your enemy.
Look, dude, look, did you see what she did?
And then, or like, and you always, oh my gosh, dude,
if you ever hear you're always,
that is an instant timeout.
I mean, if you guys can't,
you know, you see me do this all the time,
but like literally if I use timeout,
do you think I can, yeah.
Hunter, okay, yes, you can still do it,
but here's my thing.
If you're doing it to protect your spirit mate,
I mean, that's great.
I want to do jujitsu because it's just pretty cool,
but like do it for you.
Don't do it for a woman that you might meet someday somehow.
Do it because you want to just be like,
but you guys, whether you're with your spirit mate or not,
thinking the best, most in love,
like practicing that and doing all these things,
seeing that, hey, when somebody comes up,
they're like, hey, how's your day?
Now you realize that's a bit for connection.
That's somebody's, most people are like,
hey, how many people feel seen, heard, and known?
I don't know about you, but like,
you know, you may see if somebody's life
by just saying, hey, how was your day?
And they're like, oh, well, I actually had that happen.
I don't know if I shared this with you guys.
I went to Reading randomly
and saw one of my spiritual sons there.
I hadn't seen him for a while.
And I went up and I ran into him like six times that day.
It was a God thing, right?
I gave him a hug every single time.
I was so stoked to see him.
He's planning on ending his life.
So you, and like, that would have freaking killed me, right?
Like, so just a random, hey, how you doing?
Here's a hug and trusting,
and then God putting me in that position.
I mean, he shared, he's like,
Mike, I was gonna end my life.
The enemy came for me so hard that weekend.
Everything hit me so hard, but then God brought you.
You guys, maybe it's for your spirit mate.
Maybe it's for one of your sons.
Maybe it's for your neighbor.
Maybe it's for some random stranger,
but you practice it.
It's gonna make you a better person.
It's gonna make you better in relationships.
If you ever say you always realize
that you're saying something,
there's something bigger, you're blowing this up,
and you really need to bring it down to scale
and what's in front of you.
And I used to say you always all the time.
It's cause you're hurt.
And like, but nobody always does it all the time.
You have to think the best, right?
You always isn't thinking the best.
I'm like, unless you always are amazing.
I mean, you guys are allowed to do that, right?
Like, you know, if it's a positive context, right?
Oh.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
So listen to what she says and parrot it back.
I don't know if that makes sense.
Most introverts are very—I'm an extrovert and I'm a verbal processor.
So when I say something, it means I'm throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks.
Most introverts are really well thought out.
So if they have a certain words, if you repeat their words back to them, the way they feel
heard is if you can reiterate it back to them in their words, then they know you got it.
Does that make sense?
I mean, I think it's in all things, but especially—and I have to say, I used to get annoyed at my
ex because I'm like, I said this.
She's like, but I said this.
And I'm like, it's the same thing.
She's like, no, it's not.
And to her, it wasn't.
And I'm like, it's a matter of semantics to me, but to her, it made—and did I tell you
I've made all the mistakes?
So I'm learned from my mistakes.
But when she says something, is there more?
Or oh man, that must have really impacted you.
I'm sorry about that.
Or you just say—but a lot of people are afraid to share more because they feel like
they're saying too much.
And you're like, is that all or is there more?
And then you're allowing them to open up and give you more.
And then they'll test you with the more, and they're like—but you always just want to
hear—you just want to—I used to listen to respond.
That doesn't work super good, right?
And sorry, we're a little bit over, but what I learned with my ex—and I didn't have these
skills early.
I mean, dude, it took me years, but she would go off on this big, long thing.
And I was trying as hard, like lit honestly, as hard as I could to hear her.
And I would be like—and so what I had to learn to say is, hey, can we split this up
a little bit?
That was a lot.
So can we just go little bursts?
And I was like, oh, so what I hear you're saying in this is this.
And she's like, yes.
I said, what was the next thing?
Oh, and this.
And just ask, you know, this is what I heard you say.
Is that what you meant?
And clarifying, ask—being seen, like, oh, you know what, I may not—I was like, that
seems really hard.
You know, I've had hard things, too.
And just empathizing.
Is that helpful, Abram?
It's reflective listening.
It's empathetic listening.
It's turning off.
And for you guys, if somebody's like—if you want to connect with somebody, throw your
phone out the window.
I don't care.
Like, do something with it.
Like, literally put it aside.
If somebody sees your phone out, they're automatically going to feel like they're going to be waiting
for you to answer it.
So if you want to have good connections, put your phone away.
Don't be—for me, any emotion distracts me.
So if I put my back to the most busy place and I try to have a focal point behind the
person that isn't distracting me the whole time, because I'll be saying something super
great and a nice—a frickin' Corvette will go by and I'll be like, oh, dang, I missed—and
not that I—it's set yourself up to win.
Squirrel.
No, it is squirrel.
So if you're chasing squirrels, you're not listening.
And I also say—and I've actually apologized, I think.
You know what?
I am so sorry.
I got super distracted, and I know that's not—I wasn't—and you were sharing something
really important, and I want to apologize.
Would you please just repeat it again so I can hear it better this time?
And own it when you miss, because they know, right?
And that's the thing is, you can miss, you guys.
You can miss.
And if you own it, and you come back and say—and apologize for it, and like—you know the
term in the Bible is repent, but if you actually change, like—apology without change is manipulation.
If you don't intend it—I mean, you could—I mean, you may screw up again, but if your
intent is to change, then it's not manipulation.
But if you're just like—if you're placating them by saying, I'm sorry, that's not loving
or kind either.
So any questions, blasphemy, you want to chide me on anything, I'm perfectly fine.
You know, I forgot I mentioned the girlish figure thing, but—
Hey, you guys all good?
Does that help?
Does this help you guys?
Yes, it is helping me.
I just need to know, build some integrity.
Like for example, I know how to cook.
I know how to do finances.
I have a job.
The only good part is I say something positive.
A lot of women saw, really respect me
in fact that they saw green flags in me.
Yeah, when I was on the cruise.
And Hunter, Hunter, Hunter, for you, okay?
What I would say to you is cool, come in calm.
Dude, you're an amazing dude.
And you have all these things
and you've done all this work
and I'm super proud of you, right?
So you don't have to advertise what you are.
Just be who you are, be your full self.
But come in, come in slow.
Don't come in like a ball of fire.
Women freak out, right?
You know what I mean?
I mean, come in confident,
but like just be like, hey, how are you?
What's going on?
And like, I'm Hunter dude, I'm a catch.
Dude, you better watch out.
This dude's walking out the door.
You better give me digits because we're, you know.
But like Hunter, you have a lot and you're doing a lot.
Don't talk about all that you're doing for the most part.
But like, just be you.
Have a fun conversation.
You're a fun dude.
Just, you guys, we get too serious.
We're like, oh, I like this chick.
I don't want to screw it up.
And you screw it up because you're not being fun.
You're not being yourself.
You're like, you know,
I've never hit a home run when I tried to.
But if I went into the box and I'm like, you know what?
I'm just going to put a swing on this ball.
I'm going to be smooth to it.
I'm going to drive through it.
I mean, dude, I've hit balls to the freaking moon.
But every time I tried to like muscle up
and I'm like, I'm going to crush this thing into the,
it's like, dude, it went straight up in the air, right?
You know, because when you're tight, you're not yourself.
When you're walking in who you are
and the powerful person you are,
you don't need to advertise.
You just need to be you.
And if they don't like you as you are.
That's their problem.
Then you don't want to be in a relationship with them.
But if they're like, hey, dude, that hunter is amazing.
And I want that guy in my life.
Then you can build on that.
But if you have to pretend to be somebody to land somebody,
then you're going to have to keep that up.
And it's not, you don't even get love for you.
Be you, be the authentic you.
It's the most attractive you.
90 days, where do you want to be in 90 days?
Do you want to maybe, hey, start doing 10 pushups a day
or take a walk or this, like 90 days,
you can be a completely different person.
Dude, like my arms, my arms are coming back
and I'm like, this is super cool, right?
You know, I got my beach body.
Well, kind of, I need to do cardio,
but like my whole point is in 90 days.
You need to come on a cruise.
Yeah, maybe, well, Lord,
I'll go wherever the Lord tells me to do.
But you guys, just be you, you're amazing.
Work the, you know, have a plan, work it.
Think the best in all your relationships.
And Lord, I'm going to pray us out.
I know we're way over, I'm sorry,
but I just really wanted to,
Lord, I just, would you help us to love well,
whether it be our boss, whether it be our spirit mate,
Lord, would you help us to lay the foundations
of everything we need?
Would you help us to be better communicators
that we would recognize bids for connection in every way.
And that, Lord, we just, we would become
just on fire with you, Lord,
that you would sustain us
and that we would be just so in you
that when we choose somebody, it'd be a great,
it's going to be a great match.
And Lord, I just pray for every person here
that you would be with them in their process,
that you would comfort them,
you break off any hopelessness
and Lord, that you would bring them their spirit mate.
And you're never ready,
but like Lord that we would be as ready as we could be
in Jesus name, amen.
Amen.
Love you all.
You guys are amazing.
Super proud of you.
Let's go.
Bye.
Bye buddy.
Bye.