WEBVTT

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Hello, it's Memorial Day, May 25th to 2026, men's group.

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Any veterans that have served, I just give all you props.

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My brother's an Army Ranger, and I know he lost some really good friends, and I just,

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Mike, if you've lost people, and I just want to appreciate you and say thank you.

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All right, start that off.

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Hey, guys, what's up?

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I got peeps.

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Come on, we got some breakthroughs.

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You got to show it.

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Come on, let's just flex and go.

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Let's flex, and please tell me you got something.

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Every week, I'm like, Lord, would you help me to have an amazing time so we could all

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rejoice together, right?

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I can tell you the story of how a tree fell on my car, if you want.

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No!

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No, it's a good God story.

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I wish I could show you guys the picture.

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I walked out my front door.

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Actually, I just got off the phone with a woman that I've gone on a couple of dates

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with, and I walk out my front door to go on a bike ride, and it was like walking into

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a forest.

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I was like, why is there a forest at my front door?

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It's not supposed to be.

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It turns out it was a massive part of my tree that had fallen down, and I couldn't even

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see my car.

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But somehow it fell exactly right, and a couple of the longer branches hit my lawn,

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so it kind of just laid down on some very minor scratches that can buff out.

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And I'm like, God saved this car, because anything an inch this way, a foot that way,

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I would have just had a smashed car, is what I would add.

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Wow.

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That was...

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That's a God thing right there.

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That's a win, right?

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You know, near misses are still wins, right?

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I'm better than it falling on my neighbor's, you know.

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Of course, now my neighbor, I'm paying quite a bit of money to trim it back, because now

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my neighbor's nervous.

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He's like, it's pretty tall on my side.

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I'm like, all right.

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Now it's off balance, because half of it fell on your side, and I don't want it to fall

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on my...

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Well, anyway.

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So, cool.

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But sweet.

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Sweet.

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You know, I just got back from Reading, which, helping out some friends, it was kind of fun.

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It was kind of smoking.

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It was 100...

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Well, I mean, it was only like 90 today or something like that, but it was 101 when I

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got there.

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And I'm like, yikes.

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So, well, I mean, you're in your sack, Christopher, so it's probably getting pretty warm out there

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too.

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And Abram's in Fresno-ish, and like, yeah, we're in California cooking.

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I don't know what it's like in Pennsylvania and back east, but I can tell you around here,

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it's actually kind of...

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You know, I don't know.

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I kind of miss it.

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I'm not enjoying like 80s and 90s with like 40 mile per hour winds, which is what we've

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had.

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It's really ridiculous.

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Oh, that's why the tree went over.

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Yeah.

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It's like apocalypse.

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Yeah.

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So, anything you guys want to chat about, like, I can cover...

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Like, I have a myriad of things in my head, but if there's anything that you guys really

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want to drill down on, got anything that is eating your Wheaties, that you're wondering

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about the meaning of life.

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Rodney, why don't you kick it off?

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No, nothing about the meaning of life, nothing deep.

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I just wanted to say, hey, everyone, this is my second time on this call.

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I'm from just south of Sacramento.

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So...

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Where you at?

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I'm in Lodi.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I'm Rio Vista.

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I'm not far from you.

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Oh, Rio Vista.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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I used to drive to Antioch for work a few years ago, so used to drive through there.

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A lot of California, Cali kids on here, man.

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Let's go.

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Yeah.

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Northern Cali kids.

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Yeah.

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That's true.

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Right.

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Well, and Thomas, if he comes on, he'll cover SoCal.

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So, I haven't seen him in a while.

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Thomas, if you're hearing this, miss you, bro.

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Yeah.

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But I just, you know, just want to say hi and just doing my hard work.

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Yeah.

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What page are you in on that?

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Is that going well for you?

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Yeah.

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I'm on week four right now.

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So, I was doing some forgiveness, using the template to do some forgiveness earlier today.

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Just kind of taking it slow, just, you know, a couple people at a time, you know.

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I had a list of like a hundred and...

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It was a lot.

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I did a spreadsheet, dude.

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Like, you know, I can kid you not, I had a spreadsheet because I took it really seriously.

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And I was like, man, there's a lot.

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I was like, how long is this going to take?

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You know, but it takes what it takes.

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Right?

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Yeah.

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I hope you don't need a spreadsheet, but I...

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You know, I've been in 12-step.

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So, I've done a lot of that already, done a lot of that work.

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There's still some people that...

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I've forgiven already that, you know, there's still some stuff there, so they're back on

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the list.

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But yeah, there's only one person that I'm like, I don't want to forgive her at all.

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Feel like she betrayed me.

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Other than that, it's, you know.

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So can we draw on that for a sec?

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Do you mind?

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Like, you know, I have like a PhD in forgiveness.

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So like, I've done it with so many people.

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Like, I mean, like I've had so many things happen.

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That's why I had a spreadsheet, bro.

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You don't have a spreadsheet, you don't get a PhD.

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But like, so what do you think the inclination is?

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Because I know, I mean, betrayal sucks, right?

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But like, do you feel like she'd be getting off if you let her, if you forgave her?

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Yeah, I just feel like, like, I thought she was one way and then she turned out to be

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completely different.

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I thought she was someone I could trust.

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I mean, I really like, it's been a long time since I thought I could trust a woman.

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And I thought like, wow, she's great, blah, blah, blah.

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And then, you know, she turned around and said some things about me, which were just

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like, wow, I did not see that coming.

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And then, and then she, when I told her how I felt, she just like took no responsibility

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for it.

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It's like, oh, you're, you know, you're make blowing it out of proportion.

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That's not what I said, blah, blah, blah, didn't want to take any responsibility for

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it.

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So I was just like, wow, okay.

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I'm sorry about that.

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That stinks.

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Yeah.

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Right.

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I mean, like betrayal is one thing.

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And then like, when, I don't, I think the hardest ones for me are when I thought somebody

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was some way and then they flipped.

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I mean, and you know, then you get a, then you, they bury a hatchet in your back, a frickin

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knife in your back.

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You're like, yeah, that's great.

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You know?

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And one of the things is I always, I always used to think, I remember, I mean, it took

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me a long time to learn this is it's like, you're not, you're, you're giving justice

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to God and allowing Him to do it.

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You're not letting, you're letting it go to Him and like the Lord, because He's the one

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that takes, you know, He's the one that deals with it.

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But like for me, like, I mean, how many times, you know, and like, I just like, I'm like,

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Jesus, I've screwed up so many times and I've betrayed your trust so many times.

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I mean, shoot.

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And when somebody does that for me, I, man, it's not easy, but like, it's like, I also

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don't want to give the enemy a hold to pound my face because, because when you don't let

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things go, he's sitting in heaven going, hey, he's accuser of the brethren, right?

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He's like, hey, Rodney's got this.

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That means I can just tee off on the dude until he gets go.

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And so, so when I realized that, hey, Jesus, you know, I've done a heck of a lot worse

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than most people do to me, to Jesus, and that it gives the enemy a freaking full license

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to tee off and destroy my life.

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I'm like, it's pretty dumb.

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You know, I have to, I have to go through this process of myself.

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I'm like, yeah, I don't want to let that go.

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I'm like, yeah, but I'm giving the enemy a foothold.

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And I'm like, no, I really don't.

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I really don't want that.

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I'd much rather...

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Right.

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No, that's a hundred percent.

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And I know that and, and I love the way Jackie lays it out.

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She does a really good job, you know, saying why we need to forgive and why it's in our

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best...

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I think the biggest thing that I'm having a hard time letting go of is this lie that

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somehow, you know, I need this for like self-protection.

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If I let this go, then it's going to happen to me again.

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Right.

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And I know that's a lie, but it's, it's, man, it's hard.

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Yeah.

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I'm like, help me.

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Well, because your nervous system's like, oh, you know, I mean, self-protection's a,

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I mean, it's a big, I mean, we, we don't like it.

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We do.

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I mean, nobody likes getting, you know, getting hit, but getting drilled is a whole nother

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thing.

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And the enemy and, you know, and like the enemy really wants us not to trust women.

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So we can't have healthy relationships.

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Like because I don't know about you, like, I'm, I'm just going to talk about how he's

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like, she's just like her, like, like, you know, and I'm like, I've literally, you guys,

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so tools that I've used, right.

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So I was starting to date somebody and I kept getting flashes of my ex.

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I mean, like it was, I literally every day started the day with this is not, X is not

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my, this person is not my ex because I needed to retrain my subconscious because it was

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automatically pattern recognizing that this person's a threat, right.

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And once I started delineating that, not everybody is somebody who's driven a dagger through

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my heart, you know, like so, but your nervous system doesn't know otherwise sometimes.

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So I hope that's helpful.

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Sometimes you need to delimit because your nervous system is like,

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oh, woman, interest.

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We've been hurt before, danger, in the simplest of forms.

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So when you say, you know, and so staying present,

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working through the forgiveness helps.

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But also sometimes you just have to tell yourself,

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like literally speak it out loud and say, this person isn't that.

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And that usually corrects it for me.

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And it happens with people at work.

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I'm like, this dude's not my dad.

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I hope that's helpful for you guys, because sometimes you'll

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have reactions and you don't really know why.

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Well, people will trigger reactions

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from prior parts of your life.

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So Rodney, I'm proud of you for getting through, dude.

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Like, that's a rough gig.

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Yeah, I have one other question before I'm

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going to have to head out here pretty soon.

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But I wanted to ask about, I see on Thursday

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there's online dating class or whatever.

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What is that all about?

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So Thursdays rotate.

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And there's usually something like, sometimes

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there'll be advanced chart work.

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Renee will teach a class on how to set up dating

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port-a-files and online things.

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I don't know if you.

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Yeah, there's one that says it's called online dating.

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OK, so it sounds like, because I think that's probably Renee.

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She's really good at that stuff.

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Is it?

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Yeah.

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And so she'll just tell you how to do.

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Renee is really cool, because she'll cover a lot of things

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and she'll ask questions.

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And she did, she's learned.

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I've learned so much from her, right?

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Because it's like a Q&A then with her.

247
00:11:43.760 --> 00:11:45.880
I mean, we did, last time we did it,

248
00:11:45.880 --> 00:11:47.920
she does online dating and just dating in general.

249
00:11:47.920 --> 00:11:50.680
It is Q&A. Last time, she was really encouraging us

250
00:11:50.680 --> 00:11:51.920
to come camera ready.

251
00:11:51.920 --> 00:11:54.800
And we did like a little mock two minute back and forth

252
00:11:54.800 --> 00:11:57.760
like dating, like first to get to know you

253
00:11:57.760 --> 00:12:00.120
kind of role playing thing.

254
00:12:00.120 --> 00:12:01.280
But yeah, it's good.

255
00:12:01.280 --> 00:12:04.800
Even if you can't, you can catch the last one and replay.

256
00:12:04.800 --> 00:12:06.320
I think it will give you a vibe.

257
00:12:06.320 --> 00:12:07.560
Check out the replays, Rodney.

258
00:12:07.560 --> 00:12:08.720
Check out the replays, dude.

259
00:12:08.720 --> 00:12:09.840
Yeah, I'll do that.

260
00:12:09.840 --> 00:12:11.560
Just turn them on like one and a half speed or whatever,

261
00:12:11.560 --> 00:12:13.400
you know, save yourself some time.

262
00:12:13.400 --> 00:12:14.960
Yeah, that seems like a good idea.

263
00:12:14.960 --> 00:12:15.880
Yeah, catch a vibe.

264
00:12:15.880 --> 00:12:17.640
Everything I watch on the internet's one and a half

265
00:12:17.640 --> 00:12:18.160
speed.

266
00:12:18.160 --> 00:12:19.040
I'm like a robot now.

267
00:12:19.040 --> 00:12:19.840
It's horrible.

268
00:12:20.480 --> 00:12:22.960
I mean, if you like being one of the only guys,

269
00:12:22.960 --> 00:12:25.840
like, I mean, if you want someone to be like,

270
00:12:25.840 --> 00:12:29.400
oh, hey, here's a guy and like 50 women.

271
00:12:29.400 --> 00:12:30.560
No, it is, dude.

272
00:12:30.560 --> 00:12:32.120
It's mostly women, man.

273
00:12:32.120 --> 00:12:32.640
OK.

274
00:12:32.640 --> 00:12:35.560
It's 99.9% women.

275
00:12:35.560 --> 00:12:37.000
When I see it, you know.

276
00:12:37.000 --> 00:12:38.480
Oh, yeah, I'll check out the replay.

277
00:12:38.480 --> 00:12:40.800
My DMs blew up.

278
00:12:40.800 --> 00:12:42.920
I jumped on a Thursday and my DMs blew up,

279
00:12:42.920 --> 00:12:44.080
but I wasn't ready to date.

280
00:12:44.080 --> 00:12:46.000
I'm still not dating long distance.

281
00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:47.320
I got nothing, man.

282
00:12:47.320 --> 00:12:48.560
So you're lucky, man.

283
00:12:48.560 --> 00:12:49.320
Really?

284
00:12:49.320 --> 00:12:50.440
I got nothing.

285
00:12:50.440 --> 00:12:51.400
No bulls.

286
00:12:51.400 --> 00:12:52.320
Yet?

287
00:12:52.320 --> 00:12:52.920
No?

288
00:12:52.920 --> 00:12:53.440
Yet.

289
00:12:53.440 --> 00:12:55.960
Have you been spotlighted yet?

290
00:12:55.960 --> 00:12:57.600
I mean, we did the role play thing,

291
00:12:57.600 --> 00:12:59.000
but no, I haven't done a spotlight.

292
00:12:59.000 --> 00:13:02.120
Yeah, so I mean, I don't know.

293
00:13:05.360 --> 00:13:07.160
Who knows, but like, sorry.

294
00:13:07.160 --> 00:13:09.560
But like, no, like Renee is really good at all that stuff.

295
00:13:09.560 --> 00:13:12.160
She's really helped me with all that.

296
00:13:14.840 --> 00:13:17.000
And so, hey, Kevin, how you doing?

297
00:13:17.000 --> 00:13:17.760
OK.

298
00:13:17.760 --> 00:13:21.880
Just thought I'd stop in to say hi since I'm off today.

299
00:13:21.880 --> 00:13:24.360
Aren't you getting a new job, it sounds like?

300
00:13:24.360 --> 00:13:25.400
Show us what you're doing.

301
00:13:25.400 --> 00:13:26.840
Kind of.

302
00:13:26.840 --> 00:13:29.080
My other two jobs that I thought I was moving for

303
00:13:29.080 --> 00:13:33.080
didn't work out, but the owner of the company

304
00:13:33.080 --> 00:13:37.440
that I previously worked for gave me a union call out.

305
00:13:37.440 --> 00:13:40.880
So I'm still getting paid union skill, which is really good.

306
00:13:40.880 --> 00:13:42.560
But I'm not driving truck.

307
00:13:42.560 --> 00:13:48.560
I'm building forms and retaining walls and footers and stuff.

308
00:13:48.560 --> 00:13:52.200
He's building a house, but he's paying me full scale.

309
00:13:52.200 --> 00:13:55.480
So that actually works out way better for me

310
00:13:55.480 --> 00:14:00.720
because I have time to clean up the place that I'm staying in,

311
00:14:00.720 --> 00:14:03.240
which is his trailer park.

312
00:14:03.240 --> 00:14:08.680
I'm in my RV and get my stuff moved 500 miles away

313
00:14:08.680 --> 00:14:12.240
to my homestead for when I'm done working for him

314
00:14:12.240 --> 00:14:15.240
and he decides to close down this trailer park

315
00:14:15.240 --> 00:14:17.280
because he's in his 80s.

316
00:14:17.280 --> 00:14:22.920
So I prayed for God's will, the best outcome,

317
00:14:22.920 --> 00:14:24.000
and that's what I got.

318
00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:25.880
The other two jobs turned me down

319
00:14:25.880 --> 00:14:27.680
after they made it sound real promising

320
00:14:27.680 --> 00:14:30.320
that I was getting hired.

321
00:14:30.320 --> 00:14:33.400
So I'm working, but I'm working seven in the morning

322
00:14:33.400 --> 00:14:35.520
to seven at night, and that's Alaska time.

323
00:14:35.520 --> 00:14:40.680
So I'm probably at least two hours earlier than everybody,

324
00:14:40.680 --> 00:14:42.440
if not five.

325
00:14:42.440 --> 00:14:43.520
Okay.

326
00:14:43.520 --> 00:14:46.760
Isn't the sun up all the time now over there?

327
00:14:46.760 --> 00:14:48.560
It's up a lot.

328
00:14:48.560 --> 00:14:51.760
It still gets dark at night at like 11 or 12 o'clock.

329
00:14:51.760 --> 00:14:53.440
Oh, okay. That's weird. Yeah.

330
00:14:53.440 --> 00:14:55.880
But it depends on how far north you are.

331
00:14:55.880 --> 00:14:58.720
The further north you are, the longer it stays light.

332
00:14:58.720 --> 00:15:00.000
So, like...

333
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.360
up in Fairbanks, they've probably got another two hours of light than we do, you know.

334
00:15:05.360 --> 00:15:08.080
Are you saying the earth is round or flat? What are you saying to me right now?

335
00:15:10.400 --> 00:15:17.600
It's round. Okay. But, but further, but further north, they get more light. They get more light

336
00:15:17.600 --> 00:15:24.320
during, you know, more in the, in the summer, it's lighter more of the time. And in the winter,

337
00:15:24.320 --> 00:15:28.960
it's darker more of the time. The nights are longer in the winter up there and the days are

338
00:15:28.960 --> 00:15:36.160
longer in the summer up there. So just like the drastic temperature change, it'll run, it'll run

339
00:15:36.800 --> 00:15:43.200
40, 50 below in the wintertime of my Fairbanks and it'll run into hundreds in the summertime,

340
00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:51.280
you know. So, you know, where I'm at, I'm in Valdez. We run from zero to

341
00:15:51.840 --> 00:16:03.600
mid-70s, low 80s sometimes, but we, we get tons of precipitation and tons of snow.

342
00:16:04.800 --> 00:16:08.560
Well, I'm glad you're working. That's good. Cause that's a change and, you know,

343
00:16:08.560 --> 00:16:13.840
changes like the Lord's moving and doing something. Yeah. We don't always know what he does,

344
00:16:13.840 --> 00:16:19.280
but he's moving. Right. So I think my, my date and stuff's kind of on hold for a while. I mean,

345
00:16:19.280 --> 00:16:24.560
I'm working six days a week, so. Yeah. That kind of takes out. And then, you know, like,

346
00:16:24.560 --> 00:16:30.240
I mean, there's seasons, right? Yeah. But I've, it gives me a chance to stockpile, you know,

347
00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:35.440
for the winter and stuff. So I've been working a lot of seasonal anyway, so I'm kind of used to it,

348
00:16:35.440 --> 00:16:41.200
but it's just a lot harder grunt work. It's a lot harder on my body. That rebar is pretty big that

349
00:16:41.200 --> 00:16:46.720
we're, that we're building. Yeah. Yeah. We're building 30 foot retainer walls that are foots

350
00:16:46.720 --> 00:16:51.520
that are a foot thick. Oh, so you're getting your, you're getting your body back. So you,

351
00:16:51.520 --> 00:16:55.120
when you're dating, you look like, you know, studleys felt and all that, you know,

352
00:16:55.120 --> 00:17:01.200
getting ripped. There you go. Get my girlie sugar back. Get my girlish. Do I, have I shared it on

353
00:17:01.200 --> 00:17:06.640
here? Like I did not. I was like, I sure that all the time. And I'm like, Oh, I did not do

354
00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:13.760
that on here. Did I? Yes I did. Oh, well I don't even know where that kid. Anyway, let's let's

355
00:17:13.760 --> 00:17:20.800
segue. Somebody save me. Yeah. I just, I just turned 59 a few days ago. So,

356
00:17:20.800 --> 00:17:27.040
well, you know, it's, you know, there's a power in 90 days. Like, you know, 90 days I decided

357
00:17:27.040 --> 00:17:31.760
I'm going to get, I want my body back. Right. And you know, I'm like, I'm not able to lift

358
00:17:31.760 --> 00:17:38.880
as much as I used to. Well, not yet. I mean, I'm all right. Well, there were sometimes, okay.

359
00:17:39.840 --> 00:17:46.160
Weightlifting analogy, but it actually is kind of a life analogy. So good bodybuilders. Well,

360
00:17:47.120 --> 00:17:50.000
how I was trained, let's just put it that way. I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to,

361
00:17:50.000 --> 00:17:55.520
like, is like, you start out, you just do low rep, you go high reps, low weight,

362
00:17:55.520 --> 00:17:59.440
and you build your blood vessels, you build your capillary, you build everything.

363
00:18:00.160 --> 00:18:05.840
And then, cause you don't really want to start bulking up without all the blood flow and all the,

364
00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:10.480
all the supply. So that way, when you do start bulking and actually building,

365
00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:16.320
you have the foundation for, for the muscle that you're putting it on and you don't get hurt as

366
00:18:16.320 --> 00:18:22.880
much and starve out anyways, and you can grow and you can get bigger. Is that why my, why my hands

367
00:18:22.880 --> 00:18:28.320
go to sleep at night is because there's too much muscle and not enough blood flow? No, probably

368
00:18:28.320 --> 00:18:34.560
because you have a nerve right here or a nerve up here in your neck that's pinched because maybe

369
00:18:34.560 --> 00:18:39.120
you're, are you too far forward? If you're too, you know, like, so people think that by pulling

370
00:18:39.120 --> 00:18:46.320
your shoulders back, that fixes it. It's actually your hip hinge. Yeah. You know, like, so if you're,

371
00:18:46.320 --> 00:18:49.680
we're, we're constantly like forward, but it's your hip. You got to bring your,

372
00:18:49.680 --> 00:18:55.760
your core back and then your little auto. So if you're always forward, you're putting tension

373
00:18:55.760 --> 00:19:02.080
on your brachial nerve and your neck. And ask me how I know. No, don't actually. But,

374
00:19:02.080 --> 00:19:07.840
but my whole point is sometimes, you know, you really want to lay the foundation

375
00:19:08.720 --> 00:19:14.400
for what you're doing. Right. And so in 90 days, you know, I, I mean, I was sitting there doing

376
00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:18.640
weight and I'm like, this is so I'm bored out of my mind in the gym, like, you know, like curling

377
00:19:18.640 --> 00:19:23.760
twenties, like, but I knew I was building something, right. I was building up. We're going to build my

378
00:19:23.760 --> 00:19:28.400
way up. And so like, you know, I always say like guys have a ring fund if, because you want to be

379
00:19:28.400 --> 00:19:32.480
married. But like, one of the things like, Hey, what kind of light, what kind of marriage do you

380
00:19:32.480 --> 00:19:39.520
want? Like, I mean, like, are you in a place? I mean, a lot of people are like, you know,

381
00:19:39.520 --> 00:19:43.280
I want to do this, that when we get there, but then it never happened. If you're not doing it

382
00:19:43.280 --> 00:19:46.800
now, when you get there, it's not going to happen. I mean, like usually, I mean, odds,

383
00:19:46.800 --> 00:19:51.840
odds are, if you want to be active and have a lot of fun and dance and do all this stuff,

384
00:19:51.840 --> 00:19:55.760
if you're not doing something active now, when you get in a relationship, that's not going to

385
00:19:55.760 --> 00:19:59.680
change a thing. So like now you can build up.

386
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.600
and get your balance back, get your flexibility back.

387
00:20:04.600 --> 00:20:07.560
What, in all like financial things,

388
00:20:07.560 --> 00:20:10.200
and I love that you're doing the heart work, dude.

389
00:20:10.200 --> 00:20:11.560
I mean, I give you all props.

390
00:20:11.560 --> 00:20:12.920
I mean, I say this all the time,

391
00:20:12.920 --> 00:20:14.520
but I'm so proud of you all,

392
00:20:14.520 --> 00:20:17.400
because I was in Reading talking to ladies today, right?

393
00:20:17.400 --> 00:20:18.880
Or this weekend.

394
00:20:18.880 --> 00:20:20.240
And one of the things they're like,

395
00:20:20.240 --> 00:20:23.000
man, there's all these dudes

396
00:20:23.000 --> 00:20:25.120
don't know how to own their stuff.

397
00:20:25.120 --> 00:20:26.360
They don't know how to forgive.

398
00:20:26.360 --> 00:20:28.640
They don't know how to let go, right?

399
00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:32.760
Like, you know, and like, I was like,

400
00:20:32.760 --> 00:20:35.880
well, hopefully they come into the program.

401
00:20:35.880 --> 00:20:36.720
I don't know.

402
00:20:36.720 --> 00:20:38.000
Like, I don't know what to tell you,

403
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:40.000
but like, so I just want to honor you guys,

404
00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:41.440
because I hear that women like,

405
00:20:41.440 --> 00:20:43.360
they're like, they're all boys.

406
00:20:43.360 --> 00:20:45.200
I mean, men handle stuff, right?

407
00:20:45.200 --> 00:20:46.320
Boys just run from it.

408
00:20:46.320 --> 00:20:48.920
And I just, I just want to say, I'm proud of y'all.

409
00:20:50.120 --> 00:20:52.600
And like, you got, you know, you guys,

410
00:20:55.400 --> 00:20:58.200
you can be a victim without being a victim.

411
00:20:58.760 --> 00:21:01.320
I mean, I've been victimized by so many different things,

412
00:21:01.320 --> 00:21:03.920
but I choose to just like, hey, you know what?

413
00:21:03.920 --> 00:21:06.600
That's part of who, what made me and built me,

414
00:21:06.600 --> 00:21:07.560
but I'm not going to let her.

415
00:21:07.560 --> 00:21:08.840
And I worked through forgiveness.

416
00:21:08.840 --> 00:21:09.760
I grieved.

417
00:21:09.760 --> 00:21:11.800
I mean, I'm not like setting it aside.

418
00:21:11.800 --> 00:21:14.800
I did the heart work on it so I could move forward.

419
00:21:14.800 --> 00:21:16.320
But like, there's one of these guys,

420
00:21:16.320 --> 00:21:18.560
this guy up there I know pretty well.

421
00:21:19.520 --> 00:21:21.200
Actually, hopefully I can get in a convo with him,

422
00:21:21.200 --> 00:21:24.600
but I was getting feedback from some of the gals

423
00:21:24.600 --> 00:21:27.320
that the dude's amazing, right?

424
00:21:27.320 --> 00:21:30.440
But when he gets in relationship, he doesn't own his stuff.

425
00:21:30.440 --> 00:21:34.960
And you guys, when a woman comes to you and says something,

426
00:21:34.960 --> 00:21:38.240
a lot of times we take it as an attack.

427
00:21:38.240 --> 00:21:39.760
Well, let me rephrase that.

428
00:21:39.760 --> 00:21:41.960
I used to take it as an attack, right?

429
00:21:41.960 --> 00:21:45.640
You know, I used to get super defensive and like, what?

430
00:21:45.640 --> 00:21:49.360
You know, like, and really she just had a problem

431
00:21:49.360 --> 00:21:50.800
that was something, something was killing her

432
00:21:50.800 --> 00:21:52.520
that I was doing.

433
00:21:52.520 --> 00:21:53.880
And she was just trying to bring it up.

434
00:21:53.880 --> 00:21:56.560
But I would get so defensive because I'm like,

435
00:21:56.560 --> 00:21:57.800
what, I'm not enough?

436
00:21:57.800 --> 00:22:01.720
You know, and like, so in that thing,

437
00:22:01.720 --> 00:22:04.200
when a woman comes to you, like, you're gonna have,

438
00:22:04.200 --> 00:22:06.440
okay, I hope I'm not blowing any bubbles here,

439
00:22:06.440 --> 00:22:07.400
popping any bubbles.

440
00:22:07.400 --> 00:22:10.920
But when you get in relationship, there's conflict.

441
00:22:10.920 --> 00:22:12.720
It's part of the gig, right?

442
00:22:12.720 --> 00:22:15.160
It's the great relationships are the ones

443
00:22:15.160 --> 00:22:16.880
that know how to work through it,

444
00:22:16.880 --> 00:22:19.320
where you own your part, they own your part.

445
00:22:19.320 --> 00:22:22.840
You guys, you know, repair and connect and move forward.

446
00:22:22.840 --> 00:22:26.280
So, but these are all things that you can work on

447
00:22:26.960 --> 00:22:28.680
before you're in a relationship, right?

448
00:22:28.680 --> 00:22:32.120
Like, you know, and like in your, and like,

449
00:22:32.120 --> 00:22:33.760
I mean, I had to own stuff.

450
00:22:33.760 --> 00:22:36.040
I actually apologized to my boss,

451
00:22:36.040 --> 00:22:39.800
who's been a total great person to me lately.

452
00:22:39.800 --> 00:22:44.800
Like, you know, and so, but I was like, hey,

453
00:22:45.960 --> 00:22:47.600
but I kind of lost my cool.

454
00:22:47.600 --> 00:22:48.440
And I was like, hey, I'm sorry.

455
00:22:48.440 --> 00:22:51.320
That was inappropriate, not a lot, you know?

456
00:22:51.320 --> 00:22:55.680
And, but like, and another thing, you guys,

457
00:22:55.680 --> 00:23:00.680
one of the things, you may be 10% at fault

458
00:23:01.320 --> 00:23:02.720
and they're 90% at fault,

459
00:23:02.720 --> 00:23:05.040
but you can apologize for your 10%.

460
00:23:05.040 --> 00:23:07.640
And sometimes apologizing for that 10%

461
00:23:07.640 --> 00:23:11.920
will bridge the gap and they'll apologize for their 90.

462
00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:14.160
And I'm not saying it's a give to get thing,

463
00:23:14.160 --> 00:23:16.520
but like, just own your stuff, right?

464
00:23:16.520 --> 00:23:17.560
And I mean, I heard these late,

465
00:23:17.560 --> 00:23:19.520
I mean, multiple ladies like, yeah,

466
00:23:19.520 --> 00:23:21.640
why do dudes get off defensive?

467
00:23:21.640 --> 00:23:23.480
And they, all we're trying to do is tell them,

468
00:23:23.480 --> 00:23:25.640
hey, this isn't working for me.

469
00:23:26.480 --> 00:23:29.240
And I'm like, yeah, we don't really take criticism

470
00:23:29.240 --> 00:23:30.920
super well, especially from women.

471
00:23:30.920 --> 00:23:33.480
Like, it's a defense mechanism.

472
00:23:33.480 --> 00:23:36.000
I think it's because we really like the person

473
00:23:36.000 --> 00:23:37.320
and we don't want to look stupid.

474
00:23:37.320 --> 00:23:39.320
I don't know about you guys, but I hate looking stupid.

475
00:23:39.320 --> 00:23:40.640
Like, you know?

476
00:23:40.640 --> 00:23:43.440
I think it works both ways, even if the guy,

477
00:23:43.440 --> 00:23:45.960
I mean, if we said something to them,

478
00:23:45.960 --> 00:23:48.080
we'd probably get the same reaction

479
00:23:48.080 --> 00:23:50.480
as what they're getting saying something to us.

480
00:23:51.480 --> 00:23:53.680
Yes and no, either, either, either.

481
00:23:53.680 --> 00:23:56.720
I mean, okay, I can argue either way.

482
00:23:56.720 --> 00:23:59.400
I just know that I need to own my stuff.

483
00:23:59.400 --> 00:24:01.440
I can only work on my side of the fence.

484
00:24:01.440 --> 00:24:04.200
If somebody, okay, and that's a red flag.

485
00:24:04.200 --> 00:24:06.040
Like, you walk into a relationship

486
00:24:06.040 --> 00:24:08.000
and they're not owning their stuff,

487
00:24:08.000 --> 00:24:11.160
it's, this is where you walk the other direction, right?

488
00:24:11.160 --> 00:24:12.120
That's one of the key things.

489
00:24:12.120 --> 00:24:12.960
If they don't own their stuff,

490
00:24:12.960 --> 00:24:14.320
you can't have a relationship.

491
00:24:14.320 --> 00:24:17.480
Or have a talk with them and see if they'll fix it,

492
00:24:17.480 --> 00:24:18.680
you know, or.

493
00:24:18.680 --> 00:24:20.200
Repair, are they willing to repair?

494
00:24:20.200 --> 00:24:21.680
Are they willing to own their part?

495
00:24:21.720 --> 00:24:24.920
Or they take accountability for their actions, right?

496
00:24:24.920 --> 00:24:26.440
It's like, hey, you're shooting me.

497
00:24:26.440 --> 00:24:31.200
I know you're not intentionally shooting me with a gun,

498
00:24:31.200 --> 00:24:33.320
but, or with your words of your mouth.

499
00:24:33.320 --> 00:24:35.400
But like, I got holes all in me

500
00:24:35.400 --> 00:24:37.760
from your being frustrated today.

501
00:24:37.760 --> 00:24:38.920
And I'm bleeding out.

502
00:24:38.920 --> 00:24:42.480
And I really am having a hard time moving forward

503
00:24:42.480 --> 00:24:45.280
because I'm bleeding out and you're still wanting,

504
00:24:45.280 --> 00:24:47.480
and you're still just, you know.

505
00:24:47.480 --> 00:24:49.400
And if they go, oh my gosh, I'm sorry.

506
00:24:49.400 --> 00:24:51.400
You know, I didn't realize, you know.

507
00:24:52.120 --> 00:24:53.800
And they come back and apologize

508
00:24:53.800 --> 00:24:56.040
and then work to change it.

509
00:24:57.000 --> 00:24:58.240
Like, you know.

510
00:24:58.240 --> 00:25:00.040
Well, that's the big advantage.

511
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.760
of meeting somebody on this site is that they're doing hard work and they're

512
00:25:05.760 --> 00:25:09.800
having to address this stuff doing their hard work whereas if you go on other

513
00:25:09.800 --> 00:25:14.960
dating sites you're rolling the dice. Well and and that's and they're in a

514
00:25:14.960 --> 00:25:19.520
community that is like hey they can bounce things off like we like what do

515
00:25:19.520 --> 00:25:22.160
we do like that's why I ask you guys like hey let's do it like they can

516
00:25:22.160 --> 00:25:27.480
bounce things off like hey he gets super defensive well and you know and a lot

517
00:25:27.480 --> 00:25:31.080
of times I'll tell ladies hey was he in the middle of a heated thing did it just

518
00:25:31.080 --> 00:25:37.280
happen yeah it's like terrible time to bring it up maybe maybe a little while

519
00:25:37.280 --> 00:25:42.200
later once his adrenaline's come down and he's not in in in warrior mode to

520
00:25:42.200 --> 00:25:46.240
fix it you could say hey you know that didn't work so good for me right I'm

521
00:25:46.240 --> 00:25:50.920
like but women don't get worried I try to explain warrior mode it's like when a

522
00:25:50.920 --> 00:25:54.920
dudes walking away from me because he's upset and his arm and he's like he's

523
00:25:55.200 --> 00:25:58.160
trying to honor you because he doesn't want to blow up and then if you're

524
00:25:58.160 --> 00:26:04.720
confronting him he's trying to get away so he can chill out and we can and as if

525
00:26:04.720 --> 00:26:08.160
you're in warrior mode you can say hey you know I just need a minute just to

526
00:26:08.160 --> 00:26:12.000
calm down and walk away and actually use your words so she doesn't chase you

527
00:26:12.000 --> 00:26:17.080
anyways conflict resolution right you guys can work on that in any

528
00:26:17.080 --> 00:26:22.560
relationship I do it at work but that is things building your foundation for

529
00:26:22.560 --> 00:26:27.960
great relationships right you know I was thinking you know like sorry I was

530
00:26:27.960 --> 00:26:33.920
late it's okay it's a hunter good to see you so you know one of the things love

531
00:26:33.920 --> 00:26:39.600
is so like I love first Corinthians I just wonder I just felt like leading

532
00:26:39.600 --> 00:26:44.440
because there's some things in this that we don't do really well or I mean I'm

533
00:26:44.440 --> 00:26:50.440
not saying just dudes but like in general so everybody knows and this is

534
00:26:50.440 --> 00:26:55.720
a passion passion translation but love is large and incredibly patient love is

535
00:26:55.720 --> 00:27:01.720
gentle and consistently kind to all it refuses to be jealous when blessing

536
00:27:01.720 --> 00:27:05.760
comes to someone else love does not brag about one's achievements nor inflate its

537
00:27:05.760 --> 00:27:10.200
own importance love does not traffic in shame and disrespect or selfishly sleek

538
00:27:10.200 --> 00:27:15.400
its own honor love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense you

539
00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:19.000
know and you guys I don't know how often I like I go to a fence pretty quick

540
00:27:19.000 --> 00:27:23.680
right and so I have to like when I read this I'm like man love doesn't take

541
00:27:23.680 --> 00:27:29.680
offense right love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what's

542
00:27:29.680 --> 00:27:35.360
wrong so you guys you know one of the things um that I've watched almost split

543
00:27:35.360 --> 00:27:41.200
my church well I mean there's quite a bit of damage it's people jumping to not

544
00:27:41.200 --> 00:27:50.160
staying in love but jumping to offense and judgment without any like immediately

545
00:27:50.160 --> 00:27:54.280
no there wasn't any vetting there wasn't any asking your questions it was you're

546
00:27:54.280 --> 00:27:58.560
proven you're guilty till proven innocent and like love thinks the best

547
00:27:58.560 --> 00:28:03.720
that's it that was the last one love thinks the best so like I have to and I

548
00:28:03.720 --> 00:28:08.040
just shared this because this is kind of my process because when I was sitting

549
00:28:08.040 --> 00:28:11.800
I'm gonna I'm gonna choose to love and I'm gonna think the best of this that

550
00:28:11.800 --> 00:28:19.400
this person didn't do that intentionally or and even if they did they're still

551
00:28:19.400 --> 00:28:24.440
better than that because when you get in a relationship the enemy the first thing

552
00:28:24.440 --> 00:28:29.200
he does is say they're your they're your enemy so if you're always jumping to

553
00:28:29.200 --> 00:28:33.800
offense you're gonna jump right in yeah they are and then it's on and you break

554
00:28:33.800 --> 00:28:38.080
relationship right and there and this is really important in intimate

555
00:28:38.080 --> 00:28:42.240
relationships because they're not your enemy the enemy is your enemy and if

556
00:28:42.240 --> 00:28:47.520
you're walking in love you're patient you're kind you're not jumping to offense

557
00:28:47.520 --> 00:28:53.000
you're thinking that the best how many of you guys have had a thought like oh

558
00:28:53.000 --> 00:28:56.560
man this person is doing this because of this and you kind of go on this freak

559
00:28:56.560 --> 00:29:01.200
tilt-a-whirl and or whatever like this this it goes that you extrapolate in

560
00:29:01.200 --> 00:29:05.800
your mind and then it never actually that wasn't the intent and it's not

561
00:29:05.800 --> 00:29:08.800
actually what happened I do that I do that a lot of times I'll jump to this

562
00:29:08.800 --> 00:29:14.440
conclusion oh they did this because of this and man they're bad right just be

563
00:29:14.440 --> 00:29:18.960
perfectly honest and then I find out the reasoning behind it and I'm like man I

564
00:29:18.960 --> 00:29:23.600
thought the worst they actually didn't and didn't even and sometimes people are

565
00:29:23.600 --> 00:29:27.480
like I didn't even know I hurt you bro I'm sorry right so but my whole point is

566
00:29:27.480 --> 00:29:33.720
we need to be slow to speak slow to be angry thinking the best you know and

567
00:29:33.720 --> 00:29:40.040
that way and proceeding in love and it's it's something it's a thing you have to

568
00:29:40.040 --> 00:29:46.040
learn well let me phrase that you can choose to learn it and choose to learn

569
00:29:46.040 --> 00:29:50.880
it when you're not in a relationship that you really value and and this will

570
00:29:50.880 --> 00:29:54.600
be like the massive foundation and a gift to whoever you're in relationship

571
00:29:54.600 --> 00:30:01.760
and all of your relationships but and and I and I like I said you guys I

572
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.480
I've got I've been practicing it for a while, but I'm still there's still times where I get lit,

573
00:30:05.520 --> 00:30:09.760
you know, but and I think and I jumped to the worst because I'm like, oh man, they knew better.

574
00:30:10.720 --> 00:30:17.840
And they're like, yeah, they knew better. A lot of times they didn't. So does that make sense?

575
00:30:18.800 --> 00:30:23.040
Yeah, I think it's funny that the I didn't think about a relationship. But I thought when I first

576
00:30:23.040 --> 00:30:29.280
started working for the sheriff, I don't like I would get in a pursuit on the radio. And I would

577
00:30:29.280 --> 00:30:33.600
be trying to echo what the unit saying, they're saying street names, speeds, things like that.

578
00:30:33.600 --> 00:30:37.920
And so I would be thinking I'm doing pretty good. And then I would say, like,

579
00:30:38.800 --> 00:30:46.080
copy passing empire. And somebody would say, he said, passing Elm. And so I corrected passing

580
00:30:46.080 --> 00:30:49.520
Elm, you know, and they did that. And every time I did, I like resented it. I'm like,

581
00:30:49.520 --> 00:30:53.600
God, you know, I'm doing fine. I don't. Why are people like always correcting me and stuff?

582
00:30:53.600 --> 00:30:58.240
And then I just reformulated one day and I'm like, I'm sorry, they're trying to help me.

583
00:30:58.240 --> 00:31:02.160
The fact that they're even paying attention during this priority incident that like people

584
00:31:02.160 --> 00:31:08.000
could die. Whereas, you know, I've been in times where nobody helps you and then you realize how

585
00:31:08.000 --> 00:31:12.480
bad. And I realized they're not trying to correct me. They're not trying to, like, trip me up or

586
00:31:12.480 --> 00:31:19.200
point out my mistakes. But my body was in default mode of, oh, my God, I'm not perfect. And so

587
00:31:19.200 --> 00:31:24.240
reframing that has really helped. So that's what I was actually thinking about that whole assuming

588
00:31:24.240 --> 00:31:29.840
that they're just like, assuming me incompetent and assuming me not good enough to do it on my

589
00:31:29.840 --> 00:31:32.880
own and all of that stuff. And that's just that was just wrong in so many ways.

590
00:31:33.920 --> 00:31:37.040
No, that's so good, Christopher. That's exactly what I'm talking about. And if

591
00:31:37.040 --> 00:31:40.880
the woman that you're that you're in relationship, if you're assuming that about her,

592
00:31:40.880 --> 00:31:47.360
that she's picking, you know, women want the best for us. Like, that's well, I mean, like a good

593
00:31:47.360 --> 00:31:52.720
one. Like, I was like, if you're in a relationship and she doesn't want the best for you, we like

594
00:31:52.720 --> 00:32:00.080
X day on that. Yeah, you just get a great big trouble. Yeah. But like, so most and they're very

595
00:32:00.080 --> 00:32:04.080
much more in tune with the relationship that we are like, like, women are like more intuitive.

596
00:32:04.640 --> 00:32:10.240
I mean, there's some dudes that are, yeah, but women 99% of the time are going to have the

597
00:32:10.240 --> 00:32:14.160
pulse. So that so when they bring something up, they're like, hey, this is her this, this needs

598
00:32:14.160 --> 00:32:20.720
to be addressed. The Gottman's out of the anyways, there's this couple that can predict divorce by

599
00:32:20.720 --> 00:32:28.480
with 80, or it's like 90%. You know, one of the things that they say is, I mean, there's,

600
00:32:28.480 --> 00:32:34.320
there's a couple things, but the forehort, like one of them is jumping to contempt and jumping

601
00:32:34.320 --> 00:32:39.600
to things like if you're jumping to that, they have this intent. First of all, you never know

602
00:32:39.600 --> 00:32:44.000
their intent. And even if they did have that intent, it's still something you should be able

603
00:32:44.000 --> 00:32:48.880
to work through. And they can like, and if they let if they repent and let go, but the other one

604
00:32:48.880 --> 00:32:53.680
was bid for attention. And I watched you do you guys, I see this constantly, and it crushes me.

605
00:32:54.880 --> 00:33:00.240
Where so when a woman comes up and says, hey, you want to do something like, I don't know,

606
00:33:00.240 --> 00:33:06.480
something, something that we wouldn't normally do. Like, you know, you want to go can't even think,

607
00:33:07.440 --> 00:33:12.080
do a chick thing, right? What they're saying is, hey, do you want to be part of my life?

608
00:33:12.080 --> 00:33:17.920
It's called a bid for connection. Right? So and we go, hey, you want to go when I go out

609
00:33:17.920 --> 00:33:23.440
to the baseball game, or like, that's our bid for connection. And, and one of the things they say,

610
00:33:24.080 --> 00:33:28.480
the people who have great relationships are the ones that pay attention to the bids for connection

611
00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:34.240
and join. So when I want when a woman asks you, hey, how was your day? She's not asking how was

612
00:33:34.240 --> 00:33:38.080
your day? What she's saying is, I want to connect with you. And I want to know how you're doing.

613
00:33:38.800 --> 00:33:49.040
Right? But we go, I'm good. Like, and we missed the opportunity for connection. Right? So, and

614
00:33:51.040 --> 00:33:58.800
I don't even want to know right this second. But, but the whole point being, if you jump to

615
00:33:58.800 --> 00:34:04.000
conclusions, and you jump to offense, you can't connect, because they become your enemy. And that

616
00:34:04.000 --> 00:34:09.920
destroys relationships. And if you don't join them when they invite you, or they don't join you

617
00:34:09.920 --> 00:34:18.000
when you invite them. Oh, is that what you did? Okay, cool. Yeah, no, that, hey, you guys, the

618
00:34:18.000 --> 00:34:23.199
Gottman's have some really good stuff. But my whole thing is, you guys, you can work on it now

619
00:34:23.199 --> 00:34:29.440
before you get in a relationship. And so that you can be the best you and you I mean, and all your

620
00:34:29.440 --> 00:34:33.679
relationships are important. This isn't just, hey, this is for dating relationships. This is work

621
00:34:33.679 --> 00:34:40.560
relationships. This is family relationships. And you know, and most people, I don't know how many

622
00:34:40.560 --> 00:34:45.920
times I hear people say boundary, I'm so tired of hearing people say, you cross my boundaries. Okay,

623
00:34:45.920 --> 00:34:53.199
you guys, just just really want if you don't state it, there is no boundary. Now, if you state it,

624
00:34:53.199 --> 00:34:58.800
and then they cross it, they have crossed a boundary. Otherwise, it's not a boundary. Now,

625
00:34:58.800 --> 00:34:59.920
if you're upset, you

626
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.920
may have a boundary that you should have drawn but you didn't so therefore you can't hold them

627
00:35:05.920 --> 00:35:10.800
into account because you never said it. You may not want to say it but if you don't say it you

628
00:35:10.800 --> 00:35:18.320
can't hold them accountable. Just like I know this is and the whole point of boundaries is just to

629
00:35:18.320 --> 00:35:25.200
protect love. It's not to keep people out. It's hey if you continue this you're gonna our

630
00:35:25.200 --> 00:35:29.440
relationship's gonna fray to the point where we're gonna it's gonna blow up and there's gonna be no

631
00:35:29.440 --> 00:35:34.240
capacity for love anymore. So what I'm gonna do is say hey I need you to step back until you can

632
00:35:34.240 --> 00:35:39.680
because this is killing me and protect our the chance for our relationship to actually win.

633
00:35:43.680 --> 00:35:49.440
I just had that experience with somebody I was dating. I put a boundary down and it was an

634
00:35:49.440 --> 00:35:54.400
interesting it was a good conversation because I said all right now I hear you but I understand

635
00:35:54.400 --> 00:36:00.320
that you're establishing boundary I didn't cross that boundary like I didn't know and in fact you

636
00:36:00.320 --> 00:36:05.600
said very much the opposite at least that's the way I interpreted it and like oh okay I see that

637
00:36:05.600 --> 00:36:09.920
and I'm like so it was a good conversation but I'm glad that I was kind of had the right of it

638
00:36:09.920 --> 00:36:16.880
because I was like this is weird because you gave me A and now it's B but you understand it's B now

639
00:36:16.880 --> 00:36:22.880
I get it cool we're okay now now that you've explained I thought A was okay now I'm saying B

640
00:36:23.840 --> 00:36:28.000
it's okay I'm not holding you accountable for the new standard that I just established.

641
00:36:28.880 --> 00:36:34.560
But you're establishing something and now going forward like you guys both of you

642
00:36:34.560 --> 00:36:38.800
are in the same place I mean and that's a great point Christopher sometimes you think

643
00:36:38.800 --> 00:36:45.280
you establish here's my boundary and the other person's like I don't fully understand and they

644
00:36:45.280 --> 00:36:49.520
and they and most people don't go like I don't fully understand that then you're like you crossed

645
00:36:49.520 --> 00:36:55.120
it like was could you clarify that because you know and I think clarifying is really important

646
00:36:56.160 --> 00:37:00.800
and but the whole point of boundaries is not to control people it's not to manipulate people

647
00:37:00.800 --> 00:37:06.320
it's actually to protect love and to be like hey if you continue doing this we're gonna hit heads

648
00:37:06.320 --> 00:37:10.880
really hard and we're gonna it's gonna break our relationship so I need to just I need you to

649
00:37:10.880 --> 00:37:16.560
respect this so that way we can have a we can keep our relationship and if you can't then I'm gonna

650
00:37:16.560 --> 00:37:22.000
have to push you back a little bit until you can and I don't want to do that but like your actions

651
00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:27.200
are going to determine that that that thing well you're controlling me no actually I you can do

652
00:37:27.200 --> 00:37:32.480
whatever you want but I'm gonna but what you do I'm going to make a decision off of that but like

653
00:37:32.480 --> 00:37:37.440
no that's super good Christopher thank you so I just really wanted to talk about like coming in

654
00:37:37.440 --> 00:37:46.640
love right um like realizing that love doesn't isn't offended right or um and love gets offended

655
00:37:46.640 --> 00:37:51.200
just doesn't get easily offended it doesn't get easily offended but and it thinks the best

656
00:37:51.840 --> 00:37:58.640
you guys I've been I get in so many I do a lot of me I don't know I get in a lot I I just end

657
00:37:58.640 --> 00:38:02.880
up in a lot of things where people and they're they're like this dude I mean I'm looking it's

658
00:38:02.880 --> 00:38:09.680
so dumb from the outside you're like you guys are so close um all right okay good but like it's

659
00:38:09.680 --> 00:38:15.440
people are it's the stupidest things that separate and it's a lot of times it's like it's a a

660
00:38:15.440 --> 00:38:20.880
conception like the sky is blue no it's actually a violet you know like it's like you guys this is

661
00:38:20.880 --> 00:38:26.400
so dumb but yet they're like they're entrenched as enemies and they're working from disconnection

662
00:38:26.400 --> 00:38:32.080
versus connection and I'm like hey do you care that the sky is blue and the sky is violet does

663
00:38:32.080 --> 00:38:39.200
it really matter no like so what she was saying is like hey I just want to connect and I didn't

664
00:38:39.200 --> 00:38:45.680
feel like you connected and like oh is that what that meant wow I'm feeling disconnected and I want

665
00:38:45.680 --> 00:38:53.600
a connection and so yeah so so I don't mean to interrupt but so you so you said something about

666
00:38:53.600 --> 00:39:00.400
about rubbing people the wrong way when you say something so a lot of times people jump to

667
00:39:00.400 --> 00:39:05.120
conclusions they jump like most of the things that people fight about are stupid like honestly

668
00:39:05.120 --> 00:39:09.520
like they're like they're they're like inconsequential um I've watched marriages

669
00:39:10.400 --> 00:39:17.280
break up over things that really were just not really that big a deal if they could have come

670
00:39:17.280 --> 00:39:23.040
into some agreement and they could have started with love so yes I had this situation I had this

671
00:39:23.040 --> 00:39:29.600
situation with one girl when we were in Malta overseas she's June and she's a young lady and

672
00:39:29.600 --> 00:39:35.680
then finally I said something about her and she took it the wrong way and got offended even though

673
00:39:35.680 --> 00:39:41.760
I didn't mean with intent with that kind of intention then later I was and then I was

674
00:39:41.760 --> 00:39:46.960
guilty and then all of a sudden after that she was a Christian and she liked that I did and then

675
00:39:46.960 --> 00:39:52.080
finally I made a compliment about I saw her neck and finally I was like complimenting about her neck and then

676
00:39:52.080 --> 00:39:57.120
finally she get really offended by because you know women say if you say something that they get

677
00:39:57.120 --> 00:39:59.760
emotionally and the other women next to her try to defend

678
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.480
by saying, oh, she can't handle emotion like me.

679
00:40:02.480 --> 00:40:04.440
I'm like, wow, a lot of people say something about me.

680
00:40:04.440 --> 00:40:05.560
Why can't you?

681
00:40:05.560 --> 00:40:08.280
Then she goes, women don't shake it that way.

682
00:40:08.280 --> 00:40:10.520
Finally, as I rubbed it the wrong way,

683
00:40:10.520 --> 00:40:12.160
she says, you ruined the thing.

684
00:40:12.160 --> 00:40:14.520
Now she changed the topic about guilting me

685
00:40:14.520 --> 00:40:17.400
on what I've done with other things that don't involve her.

686
00:40:17.400 --> 00:40:20.240
And then, and as like walking away from this thinking,

687
00:40:20.240 --> 00:40:22.560
this wasn't a fun conversation.

688
00:40:22.560 --> 00:40:23.960
Finally, I apologized.

689
00:40:23.960 --> 00:40:26.320
And even though I told her that it was not,

690
00:40:26.320 --> 00:40:28.880
I didn't say it was an intention of offending,

691
00:40:28.880 --> 00:40:32.120
then that's why we cleared up with her.

692
00:40:32.120 --> 00:40:33.000
I just apologize.

693
00:40:33.000 --> 00:40:34.080
Sure, I don't believe that.

694
00:40:34.080 --> 00:40:36.520
Even though I'm not at fault, at least in the end,

695
00:40:36.520 --> 00:40:37.360
some other way that-

696
00:40:37.360 --> 00:40:38.200
Okay, okay.

697
00:40:38.200 --> 00:40:39.480
So Hunter, Hunter, Hunter.

698
00:40:39.480 --> 00:40:44.480
Okay, so fault, you know, like that's a big word

699
00:40:45.000 --> 00:40:45.840
right there, right?

700
00:40:45.840 --> 00:40:49.800
Like, you may, in your mind,

701
00:40:49.800 --> 00:40:50.960
you may not have done anything wrong,

702
00:40:50.960 --> 00:40:53.240
but they were impacted.

703
00:40:53.240 --> 00:40:56.160
Like you get women, like you guys went like,

704
00:40:56.160 --> 00:40:57.560
whether you're right or wrong,

705
00:40:57.600 --> 00:41:01.160
like if somebody's hurting because, and you're right,

706
00:41:01.160 --> 00:41:03.360
I mean like, you know, is it better to be right

707
00:41:03.360 --> 00:41:04.280
or be in a relationship?

708
00:41:04.280 --> 00:41:07.000
And I think that's sometimes, I'm like, dude, you guys,

709
00:41:07.000 --> 00:41:08.400
like there has to be honesty,

710
00:41:08.400 --> 00:41:11.000
but there's some things where you may have had

711
00:41:11.000 --> 00:41:13.440
the best of intentions, but they got crushed by it.

712
00:41:13.440 --> 00:41:15.040
And maybe it's because they're triggered.

713
00:41:15.040 --> 00:41:18.560
Maybe it's like, I mean, there could be a million reasons,

714
00:41:18.560 --> 00:41:22.040
but like to have a grace on, like Paul's,

715
00:41:22.040 --> 00:41:24.280
like, you know, like there's meat to idols.

716
00:41:24.280 --> 00:41:26.720
Like don't let it, if it doesn't stumble,

717
00:41:27.640 --> 00:41:30.320
and you can let it go, let it go, right?

718
00:41:30.320 --> 00:41:32.560
And sometimes you can take it,

719
00:41:32.560 --> 00:41:35.480
have the grace to help somebody work through things

720
00:41:35.480 --> 00:41:37.880
that they get triggered by.

721
00:41:37.880 --> 00:41:42.200
And like, and Hunter, you, like she got offended.

722
00:41:42.200 --> 00:41:43.280
And you know, I don't.

723
00:41:43.280 --> 00:41:45.000
Well, it's also the condition she was in.

724
00:41:45.000 --> 00:41:47.840
She has a thing with her eyes that her eyelids

725
00:41:47.840 --> 00:41:49.440
turn to a certain condition.

726
00:41:49.440 --> 00:41:50.880
She was born with a condition.

727
00:41:50.880 --> 00:41:52.720
Even as I got, that's strange,

728
00:41:52.720 --> 00:41:55.320
but she takes it a wrong way and she has to live with it.

729
00:41:55.800 --> 00:41:57.800
Even though I didn't say anything about it

730
00:41:57.800 --> 00:41:58.960
and I never saw about it,

731
00:41:58.960 --> 00:42:01.120
I was thinking that's a strange condition.

732
00:42:01.120 --> 00:42:03.160
Yeah, well, and Hunter, before you got on,

733
00:42:03.160 --> 00:42:05.680
we just talked about love joyfully celebrates honesty

734
00:42:05.680 --> 00:42:07.640
and finds no delight in what's wrong.

735
00:42:07.640 --> 00:42:09.640
Love is a safe place of shelter

736
00:42:09.640 --> 00:42:12.800
for it never stops living the best for others.

737
00:42:12.800 --> 00:42:16.040
And love never takes failure as defeat.

738
00:42:16.040 --> 00:42:19.800
And you guys, man, like,

739
00:42:22.080 --> 00:42:23.720
have you heard about,

740
00:42:23.720 --> 00:42:25.960
have you ever had somebody shopping cart you?

741
00:42:27.160 --> 00:42:28.840
This is what I could call it.

742
00:42:28.840 --> 00:42:29.680
I don't know.

743
00:42:29.680 --> 00:42:31.640
I don't know if there's other things, but they're like,

744
00:42:31.640 --> 00:42:35.360
so they're like, you're like, man, you stepped on my foot.

745
00:42:35.360 --> 00:42:38.600
And, and here's the shopping cart.

746
00:42:38.600 --> 00:42:40.960
And the list just keeps going on and on.

747
00:42:40.960 --> 00:42:43.600
And this and that and this and that.

748
00:42:43.600 --> 00:42:46.400
And you're like, wow.

749
00:42:47.520 --> 00:42:50.000
I don't even know what this started by,

750
00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:51.800
but like shopping carting is.

751
00:42:51.920 --> 00:42:52.760
I don't know.

752
00:42:52.760 --> 00:42:54.080
I mean, there's a mom, dude.

753
00:42:55.080 --> 00:42:57.760
And so one of those things, it's like,

754
00:42:57.760 --> 00:43:00.400
you have to kind of like, like, hey, time out.

755
00:43:00.400 --> 00:43:05.000
Like, I am sorry that I just stepped on your foot.

756
00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:06.960
Everything else, like you have to keep,

757
00:43:06.960 --> 00:43:11.200
it's not fair in conflict when you have a conflict

758
00:43:11.200 --> 00:43:13.080
to bring, to get historical.

759
00:43:13.960 --> 00:43:16.640
Like you always, if you ever say you always,

760
00:43:16.640 --> 00:43:18.600
you just need to stop right freaking there.

761
00:43:18.600 --> 00:43:21.120
Like that is a, that is a cold stop

762
00:43:21.440 --> 00:43:25.960
because there's never anybody who always does something.

763
00:43:25.960 --> 00:43:28.880
Like, like, you know, like it's, it's,

764
00:43:28.880 --> 00:43:31.720
it may feel that way, but there's a reality

765
00:43:31.720 --> 00:43:33.840
that there's never a hundred percent.

766
00:43:33.840 --> 00:43:38.840
And so, but what I'm saying is you guys keep in conflict,

767
00:43:39.720 --> 00:43:41.280
keep what's present present.

768
00:43:41.280 --> 00:43:44.360
Like, like if this happened today, let's just sit on that.

769
00:43:44.360 --> 00:43:45.560
And if there's something that comes up,

770
00:43:45.560 --> 00:43:49.360
but can we, you can, hey, hey, I hear you saying that.

771
00:43:49.360 --> 00:43:51.120
Can we stay on this point?

772
00:43:51.120 --> 00:43:53.320
And we can, it sounds like you want to address that.

773
00:43:53.320 --> 00:43:55.040
Can we address that next maybe?

774
00:43:55.040 --> 00:43:56.840
Or at a different time, but like right now,

775
00:43:56.840 --> 00:43:59.600
can we just stay on what's at hand?

776
00:43:59.600 --> 00:44:02.640
Because a lot of times it turns into,

777
00:44:02.640 --> 00:44:03.480
I don't know about you guys,

778
00:44:03.480 --> 00:44:06.400
but I've been rolled over by that snowball so many times.

779
00:44:06.400 --> 00:44:08.240
Right?

780
00:44:08.240 --> 00:44:09.480
It's like.

781
00:44:09.480 --> 00:44:12.760
That just happened to me, that exact thing,

782
00:44:12.760 --> 00:44:16.000
the listing of, oh, and then you did this and this.

783
00:44:16.000 --> 00:44:19.160
Then I, you know, it's a vulnerability for me

784
00:44:19.960 --> 00:44:21.800
because I realized that I'm kind of sensitive about,

785
00:44:21.800 --> 00:44:24.120
I'm like, hey, I feel like everyone's just like

786
00:44:24.120 --> 00:44:26.400
I'm monitoring for the 10 things I do right.

787
00:44:26.400 --> 00:44:28.960
And then that one thing just deletes the last 10.

788
00:44:28.960 --> 00:44:32.280
And that, that is a vulnerability I have to kind of work.

789
00:44:32.280 --> 00:44:33.800
Well, and it sucks.

790
00:44:33.800 --> 00:44:36.480
You're like, you know, and you guys, I think it,

791
00:44:36.480 --> 00:44:37.960
I don't remember the number, but it's a lot.

792
00:44:37.960 --> 00:44:39.480
I think honestly, it's like,

793
00:44:39.480 --> 00:44:43.960
you need seven compliments for every negative interaction

794
00:44:43.960 --> 00:44:46.520
or seven positives for every negative or whatever.

795
00:44:46.520 --> 00:44:47.640
Maybe it was 10, it was a lot.

796
00:44:47.640 --> 00:44:51.520
But like that one thing we can be cognizant of,

797
00:44:52.520 --> 00:44:55.120
you know, Denny still calls it the hero sandwich.

798
00:44:55.120 --> 00:44:55.960
It's like, hey, you know what?

799
00:44:55.960 --> 00:44:57.800
You're really good at this.

800
00:44:57.800 --> 00:44:59.200
You're really good at that.

801
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.000
I just really appreciate it about you.

802
00:45:02.000 --> 00:45:04.000
Yeah, and this thing happened, it really

803
00:45:04.000 --> 00:45:06.000
wasn't so good for me.

804
00:45:06.000 --> 00:45:08.000
But I really appreciate you,

805
00:45:08.000 --> 00:45:10.000
and I really value you.

806
00:45:10.000 --> 00:45:12.000
But, um, when

807
00:45:12.000 --> 00:45:14.000
somebody starts snowballing,

808
00:45:14.000 --> 00:45:16.000
I don't even know what you want to call it,

809
00:45:16.000 --> 00:45:18.000
you need to like, put a time out in.

810
00:45:18.000 --> 00:45:20.000
It's like, hey, can we address this at hand?

811
00:45:20.000 --> 00:45:22.000
Can we, or, and just,

812
00:45:22.000 --> 00:45:24.000
can we step back? Because as soon as

813
00:45:24.000 --> 00:45:26.000
they start grabbing those things,

814
00:45:26.000 --> 00:45:28.000
it just, I don't know about you,

815
00:45:28.000 --> 00:45:30.000
I've never not seen it escalate.

816
00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:32.000
Right? And so,

817
00:45:32.000 --> 00:45:34.000
and so like, by saying, hey,

818
00:45:34.000 --> 00:45:36.000
time out, time out, hey, put a pin

819
00:45:36.000 --> 00:45:38.000
in that, I want,

820
00:45:38.000 --> 00:45:40.000
you never, ever,

821
00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:42.000
you always never

822
00:45:42.000 --> 00:45:44.000
want to,

823
00:45:44.000 --> 00:45:46.000
but like,

824
00:45:46.000 --> 00:45:48.000
it is, if they're bringing

825
00:45:48.000 --> 00:45:50.000
something up, it's something where you

826
00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:52.000
can say, hey, I would love to

827
00:45:52.000 --> 00:45:54.000
address that, because it's obviously bothering you.

828
00:45:54.000 --> 00:45:56.000
Um, and

829
00:45:56.000 --> 00:45:58.000
that actually can take some of those things

830
00:45:58.000 --> 00:46:00.000
out of the snowball, but

831
00:46:00.000 --> 00:46:02.000
like, but stopping

832
00:46:02.000 --> 00:46:04.000
the roll of that snowball and saying

833
00:46:04.000 --> 00:46:06.000
hey, wait a second, but in the

834
00:46:06.000 --> 00:46:08.000
whole thing,

835
00:46:08.000 --> 00:46:10.000
if you're thinking the best, you're not going to jump

836
00:46:10.000 --> 00:46:12.000
to the shopping list.

837
00:46:12.000 --> 00:46:14.000
Right? And if you have

838
00:46:14.000 --> 00:46:16.000
a shopping list, it means you haven't dealt

839
00:46:16.000 --> 00:46:18.000
with things,

840
00:46:18.000 --> 00:46:20.000
and you should.

841
00:46:20.000 --> 00:46:22.000
And if they have a shopping list,

842
00:46:22.000 --> 00:46:24.000
and, but not in a time when you're

843
00:46:24.000 --> 00:46:26.000
heated, I mean, that's, hey,

844
00:46:26.000 --> 00:46:28.000
we're both ignited with fire,

845
00:46:28.000 --> 00:46:30.000
and I, oh, I got this bucket

846
00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:32.000
of gasoline, we could put it out

847
00:46:32.000 --> 00:46:34.000
with that, that's going to be so great, right?

848
00:46:34.000 --> 00:46:36.000
I mean, that's most people's,

849
00:46:36.000 --> 00:46:38.000
I don't know, like, I grew up with

850
00:46:38.000 --> 00:46:40.000
no, my conflict resolution never happened.

851
00:46:40.000 --> 00:46:42.000
You know, my stepdad was 6'5",

852
00:46:42.000 --> 00:46:44.000
3'20",

853
00:46:44.000 --> 00:46:46.000
and there was no,

854
00:46:46.000 --> 00:46:48.000
I mean, he just would blow,

855
00:46:48.000 --> 00:46:50.000
roll over people, there was no having any,

856
00:46:50.000 --> 00:46:52.000
there was no, his resolution was,

857
00:46:52.000 --> 00:46:54.000
if you come up, you're going to get smashed.

858
00:46:54.000 --> 00:46:56.000
Right? And so,

859
00:46:56.000 --> 00:46:58.000
but, I hope this is helpful, you guys,

860
00:46:58.000 --> 00:47:00.000
I, you know, I was trying, I've been asking

861
00:47:00.000 --> 00:47:02.000
the Lord all day, I wanted to go to,

862
00:47:02.000 --> 00:47:04.000
like,

863
00:47:04.000 --> 00:47:06.000
you know, like, relational foundational,

864
00:47:06.000 --> 00:47:08.000
right? Like, you need

865
00:47:08.000 --> 00:47:10.000
to be so in lockstep with Jesus

866
00:47:10.000 --> 00:47:12.000
right now that He's your source,

867
00:47:12.000 --> 00:47:14.000
because if you think you get in a relationship,

868
00:47:14.000 --> 00:47:16.000
and they're going to fix

869
00:47:16.000 --> 00:47:18.000
your deficiencies,

870
00:47:18.000 --> 00:47:20.000
you know, the whole soulmate,

871
00:47:20.000 --> 00:47:22.000
they'll complete me! No!

872
00:47:22.000 --> 00:47:24.000
No! No!

873
00:47:24.000 --> 00:47:26.000
Two trainwrecks equals two trainwrecks,

874
00:47:26.000 --> 00:47:28.000
and it's a problem

875
00:47:28.000 --> 00:47:30.000
partnership, and hopefully there,

876
00:47:30.000 --> 00:47:32.000
you guys are both whole enough

877
00:47:32.000 --> 00:47:34.000
to work through things, but it's

878
00:47:34.000 --> 00:47:36.000
not a completion, they can compliment

879
00:47:36.000 --> 00:47:38.000
you, you know, like, you know,

880
00:47:38.000 --> 00:47:40.000
Jackie talks about being complimentary

881
00:47:40.000 --> 00:47:42.000
opposites, polar opposites,

882
00:47:42.000 --> 00:47:44.000
bad plan, complimentary opposites, great!

883
00:47:44.000 --> 00:47:46.000
So, but like,

884
00:47:46.000 --> 00:47:48.000
marriage is intended

885
00:47:48.000 --> 00:47:50.000
to be, I get filled up

886
00:47:50.000 --> 00:47:52.000
with Jesus, I'm in a relationship

887
00:47:52.000 --> 00:47:54.000
with you, and

888
00:47:54.000 --> 00:47:56.000
what, out of my, you know, I don't

889
00:47:56.000 --> 00:47:58.000
need you to sustain me, because I have Jesus

890
00:47:58.000 --> 00:48:00.000
sustaining me, and Jesus is sustaining

891
00:48:00.000 --> 00:48:02.000
you, and we just get to hang out together

892
00:48:02.000 --> 00:48:04.000
and live life with each other.

893
00:48:04.000 --> 00:48:06.000
Right? But if you're not solid

894
00:48:06.000 --> 00:48:08.000
in your relationship with Jesus,

895
00:48:08.000 --> 00:48:10.000
marriage is,

896
00:48:10.000 --> 00:48:12.000
isn't going to fix that.

897
00:48:12.000 --> 00:48:14.000
If you have a problem with

898
00:48:14.000 --> 00:48:16.000
pornography, marriage isn't going to fix that.

899
00:48:16.000 --> 00:48:18.000
If you have a problem, I'm like,

900
00:48:18.000 --> 00:48:20.000
I hope, I hope you all

901
00:48:20.000 --> 00:48:22.000
hear this in love, I mean, because I thought all these things

902
00:48:22.000 --> 00:48:24.000
marriage fixed it, dude, I can tell

903
00:48:24.000 --> 00:48:26.000
you it makes it worse. Right?

904
00:48:26.000 --> 00:48:28.000
And so,

905
00:48:28.000 --> 00:48:30.000
I want you all to win,

906
00:48:30.000 --> 00:48:32.000
and like, right now, you can be setting

907
00:48:32.000 --> 00:48:34.000
foundations that set

908
00:48:34.000 --> 00:48:36.000
you up to win in your relationships.

909
00:48:36.000 --> 00:48:38.000
You can get your walk with

910
00:48:38.000 --> 00:48:40.000
the Lord rock solid, you don't need,

911
00:48:40.000 --> 00:48:42.000
and the other thing is, is if you don't

912
00:48:42.000 --> 00:48:44.000
need somebody to fill that gap in you,

913
00:48:44.000 --> 00:48:46.000
you're going to choose somebody who's actually

914
00:48:46.000 --> 00:48:48.000
pretty phenomenal and good for you.

915
00:48:48.000 --> 00:48:50.000
But if you need somebody to complete you,

916
00:48:50.000 --> 00:48:52.000
man, that's a recipe for disaster.

917
00:48:52.000 --> 00:48:54.000
And you find it

918
00:48:54.000 --> 00:48:56.000
never, no one's going to complete you,

919
00:48:56.000 --> 00:48:58.000
and I know I have been...

920
00:48:58.000 --> 00:49:00.000
Jesus is the only one that can complete you.

921
00:49:00.000 --> 00:49:02.000
And then, I just noticed that it ends up being a myth.

922
00:49:02.000 --> 00:49:04.000
How is it that when

923
00:49:04.000 --> 00:49:06.000
I wind a spirit mate, but outside

924
00:49:06.000 --> 00:49:08.000
of that, all these years I've been doing,

925
00:49:08.000 --> 00:49:10.000
I had things going for me, and

926
00:49:10.000 --> 00:49:12.000
many of them were positive.

927
00:49:12.000 --> 00:49:14.000
So, I'm sorry,

928
00:49:14.000 --> 00:49:16.000
I didn't understand. So, what was the

929
00:49:16.000 --> 00:49:18.000
question, Hunter? I heard what you said, I'm just

930
00:49:18.000 --> 00:49:20.000
trying to understand what the question is in that.

931
00:49:20.000 --> 00:49:22.000
Can you clarify that?

932
00:49:22.000 --> 00:49:24.000
The more I start doing outside

933
00:49:24.000 --> 00:49:26.000
all these years, I've been doing,

934
00:49:26.000 --> 00:49:28.000
I had things going for me that are positive,

935
00:49:28.000 --> 00:49:30.000
and the more I do those things, the more

936
00:49:30.000 --> 00:49:32.000
me winding a spirit mate to complete

937
00:49:32.000 --> 00:49:34.000
me makes less sense, because...

938
00:49:34.000 --> 00:49:36.000
Oh no, that's, yeah, because you're getting a hole.

939
00:49:36.000 --> 00:49:38.000
Okay, you guys, if you're a hole,

940
00:49:38.000 --> 00:49:40.000
you're like, hey, I'm looking for a partner,

941
00:49:40.000 --> 00:49:42.000
I want to help meet somebody.

942
00:49:42.000 --> 00:49:44.000
And here's the other thing,

943
00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:46.000
man, I guess I'm slaying all these

944
00:49:46.000 --> 00:49:48.000
sacred cows tonight.

945
00:49:48.000 --> 00:49:50.000
I'm sorry, you guys.

946
00:49:52.000 --> 00:49:54.000
But, what is the purpose of marriage?

947
00:49:54.000 --> 00:49:56.000
If you think the purpose of marriage

948
00:49:56.000 --> 00:49:58.000
is

949
00:49:58.000 --> 00:50:00.000
a relationship, it's not.

950
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:07.100
It's a partnership where you guys help each other become all God intends you to be.

951
00:50:07.100 --> 00:50:10.400
There has to be something bigger than just your relationship.

952
00:50:10.400 --> 00:50:16.480
Because if it's just your relationship, even if Jesus is in the middle, if you guys don't

953
00:50:16.480 --> 00:50:21.920
have something bigger than your marriage, then when the wind blows, it's just going

954
00:50:21.920 --> 00:50:23.000
to blow you over.

955
00:50:23.000 --> 00:50:26.440
But if you're both like, hey, our marriage is meant to glorify God and we're going to

956
00:50:26.440 --> 00:50:30.880
walk into this and we're going to change this and change that, when the enemy comes

957
00:50:30.880 --> 00:50:36.840
and you guys aren't liking each other for that day, you're going to be like, yeah, I'm

958
00:50:36.840 --> 00:50:40.120
really kind of pissed at them because they were really unkind to me last night.

959
00:50:40.120 --> 00:50:41.680
But I still love them.

960
00:50:41.680 --> 00:50:47.720
But it's not about me, it's about the covenant we made before God and God's plan for what

961
00:50:47.720 --> 00:50:50.320
He's going to do through us.

962
00:50:50.320 --> 00:51:00.640
So if you're just getting in a marriage just for the sex and friendship, that lasts months.

963
00:51:00.640 --> 00:51:04.960
It needs to have a foundation built on something bigger than it, bigger than you, bigger than

964
00:51:04.960 --> 00:51:05.960
each other.

965
00:51:05.960 --> 00:51:06.960
Bigger than the incentives.

966
00:51:06.960 --> 00:51:18.040
Well, and you guys, you know, I think this might be, well, I've already mentioned too

967
00:51:18.040 --> 00:51:19.040
many things.

968
00:51:19.040 --> 00:51:22.200
But, you know, one of the things, dreams, my dreams have been crushed pretty much my

969
00:51:22.200 --> 00:51:23.200
whole life.

970
00:51:23.200 --> 00:51:27.600
Like, you know, I don't know about you guys, but like, I had a lot of dreams and like,

971
00:51:27.600 --> 00:51:29.360
I was actually really good at baseball.

972
00:51:29.360 --> 00:51:32.520
I could hit a baseball frickin' forever.

973
00:51:32.520 --> 00:51:36.160
And I could throw mid, you know, low 90s.

974
00:51:36.160 --> 00:51:38.800
And then my stepdad said, get a job or get out.

975
00:51:38.800 --> 00:51:40.800
And so I never got to play college ball.

976
00:51:40.800 --> 00:51:42.760
And you know, I could have chased that, chased that forever.

977
00:51:42.760 --> 00:51:49.720
Like, I'm not, but like, or football, I ran a 4-4-40 at six foot 185 and built like a

978
00:51:49.720 --> 00:51:50.720
breakout house.

979
00:51:50.720 --> 00:51:51.720
Right.

980
00:51:51.720 --> 00:51:52.720
Nobody could block me.

981
00:51:52.720 --> 00:51:54.760
And I was like, I could have played in the NFL.

982
00:51:54.760 --> 00:51:59.040
And those were dreams that I had that got, that just came crashing down.

983
00:51:59.040 --> 00:52:05.720
But you know, the cool, what I, my prayer for you guys is that you find somebody that

984
00:52:05.720 --> 00:52:07.720
you go, Hey, what are your dreams?

985
00:52:07.720 --> 00:52:09.760
Hey, let's do that.

986
00:52:09.760 --> 00:52:13.480
And they go, Hey, what's a dream of yours?

987
00:52:13.480 --> 00:52:14.640
Let's do that.

988
00:52:14.640 --> 00:52:20.880
And you guys lift each other up and, and build, build the kingdom and build each other.

989
00:52:20.880 --> 00:52:21.880
Right.

990
00:52:21.880 --> 00:52:24.800
You know, like, and it's beautiful.

991
00:52:24.800 --> 00:52:30.000
And you're looking for a partner, not a, I mean, like, I hope you're looking for a partner

992
00:52:30.000 --> 00:52:36.760
because if you're looking, that's the only way it works is, you know, God built to help

993
00:52:36.760 --> 00:52:37.760
me and to help me.

994
00:52:37.760 --> 00:52:42.280
So many of the women bristle at that, dude, it's like, like warrior fricking princess,

995
00:52:42.280 --> 00:52:43.280
man.

996
00:52:43.280 --> 00:52:47.200
Like, it's not, it's not, it's like, it's like a shield, you know, shield bearer, but

997
00:52:47.200 --> 00:52:51.320
like, yeah, she may be a little different, but man, you're looking for somebody who can

998
00:52:51.320 --> 00:52:53.240
slay dragons with you.

999
00:52:53.240 --> 00:52:57.760
Any tips on treating an introvert as an extrovert?

1000
00:52:57.760 --> 00:52:59.800
Oh man.

1001
00:52:59.800 --> 00:53:08.120
They, they re they need, well, okay.

1002
00:53:08.120 --> 00:53:11.320
Labels can be prisons, right?

1003
00:53:11.320 --> 00:53:14.600
And I'm going to speak very broadly.

1004
00:53:14.600 --> 00:53:15.960
I married an introvert.

1005
00:53:15.960 --> 00:53:22.520
So what I learned being married to an introvert is she recharges very differently than me.

1006
00:53:22.520 --> 00:53:25.160
And I didn't get it for the longest time, dude.

1007
00:53:25.160 --> 00:53:28.440
I'm like, okay, I got to go out and hang out with some people.

1008
00:53:28.440 --> 00:53:29.440
I'm recharged.

1009
00:53:30.080 --> 00:53:31.360
I'm going to go, let's party for the rest of the night.

1010
00:53:31.360 --> 00:53:34.520
She's like, I talked to three people and I'm done for a week.

1011
00:53:34.520 --> 00:53:35.520
And I'm like, what?

1012
00:53:35.520 --> 00:53:38.400
It's not, it wasn't that bad, but that's what it felt like, right?

1013
00:53:38.400 --> 00:53:45.920
So extrovert, introvert, really it's charging what, what, what, what restores you, right?

1014
00:53:45.920 --> 00:53:51.200
So, and you guys, every one of you should know what, what, what, what your recharge

1015
00:53:51.200 --> 00:53:52.200
thing.

1016
00:53:52.200 --> 00:53:57.480
Me, I'm an extrovert, but people, sometimes people are a lot for me and there's other,

1017
00:53:57.480 --> 00:54:02.040
you know, and so I need to know when my people quotient is cause I'll, I'll, I'll get in

1018
00:54:02.040 --> 00:54:06.200
there and I'll light up the room and have so much fun and be dancing on tables.

1019
00:54:06.200 --> 00:54:07.200
Right.

1020
00:54:07.200 --> 00:54:10.920
But then I need to, I actually need to have some decompression time sometimes too.

1021
00:54:10.920 --> 00:54:12.800
So I'm introvert, extrovert.

1022
00:54:12.800 --> 00:54:17.320
Most of it is just how you restore your, your batteries.

1023
00:54:17.320 --> 00:54:22.040
Cause I've, I know my best friend is an introvert, right?

1024
00:54:22.040 --> 00:54:27.000
But he can be so extroverted for a short burst of time and he is so much fun, right?

1025
00:54:27.040 --> 00:54:29.520
And then he's got to go back to the shed and recharge.

1026
00:54:29.520 --> 00:54:35.360
So and he recharges very in solace and in a journal and I'm like, nah, I'm going to

1027
00:54:35.360 --> 00:54:40.760
go hang out with somebody like, so, so, oh, and that's, I mean, I know we're all over

1028
00:54:40.760 --> 00:54:42.840
the place, but is this helpful for you guys?

1029
00:54:42.840 --> 00:54:48.560
Like you gotta have other people outside of your romance, other dudes, right?

1030
00:54:48.560 --> 00:54:54.520
You need to have people other than your spouse that help where you can get out and get, um,

1031
00:54:54.520 --> 00:54:56.600
get some perspective, have some fun.

1032
00:54:56.600 --> 00:54:58.520
You know, if your spouse is your soul.

1033
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:01.840
social thing, that doesn't work.

1034
00:55:01.840 --> 00:55:05.040
And you're hers, like both of you need outlets

1035
00:55:05.040 --> 00:55:06.680
other than each other.

1036
00:55:06.680 --> 00:55:10.600
Because, so I mean, for me, I have friends where I go out

1037
00:55:10.600 --> 00:55:13.120
and that's where I go out and throw the ball around,

1038
00:55:13.120 --> 00:55:15.320
do something, I go out and hit the gym

1039
00:55:15.320 --> 00:55:17.560
and I get recharged that way.

1040
00:55:17.560 --> 00:55:21.420
My ex would just read a book, watch a movie

1041
00:55:21.420 --> 00:55:24.640
and have some chill time and she'd invite me into that

1042
00:55:24.640 --> 00:55:26.280
and I'm like, that sounds like so much fun.

1043
00:55:26.280 --> 00:55:29.360
But, and I miss Chances for Bits for Connection,

1044
00:55:29.440 --> 00:55:33.140
just saying, and I'm trying to,

1045
00:55:34.800 --> 00:55:37.040
I'm just trying to give you life things,

1046
00:55:37.040 --> 00:55:39.780
things to look at, problems, issues,

1047
00:55:39.780 --> 00:55:41.160
because I want you all to win.

1048
00:55:41.160 --> 00:55:43.720
And if you get it now, when you get into your relationship

1049
00:55:43.720 --> 00:55:45.960
with your spirit mate, you're gonna be like,

1050
00:55:45.960 --> 00:55:47.940
that's a bid for connection,

1051
00:55:47.940 --> 00:55:51.080
I'm gonna freaking crush it, touchdown, baby.

1052
00:55:51.080 --> 00:55:53.080
Versus like, how was your day?

1053
00:55:53.080 --> 00:55:58.080
Ah, good, what's ever, I was a little rough at work.

1054
00:55:58.320 --> 00:56:01.440
You know, I was thinking about you, how was yours?

1055
00:56:01.440 --> 00:56:04.360
And then all of a sudden, connection, relationship,

1056
00:56:04.360 --> 00:56:06.640
you know, other fun stuff follows if you're married,

1057
00:56:06.640 --> 00:56:09.060
just like, not that you do it for that,

1058
00:56:09.060 --> 00:56:12.800
but the Bits for Connection, like, you know,

1059
00:56:12.800 --> 00:56:15.820
and you want somebody who will join you on your adventures.

1060
00:56:15.820 --> 00:56:18.260
I mean, I can say a lot about my ex,

1061
00:56:18.260 --> 00:56:19.840
but she did some crazy things.

1062
00:56:19.840 --> 00:56:22.840
I learned about quilting, she learned about cars.

1063
00:56:23.760 --> 00:56:25.460
Like, I'm like pulling cars,

1064
00:56:25.460 --> 00:56:27.480
I made the freaking, we're at the garage

1065
00:56:27.880 --> 00:56:29.600
and I'm like, she's handing me, you know,

1066
00:56:29.600 --> 00:56:32.960
wrenches and stuff and I'm cussing like a sailor

1067
00:56:32.960 --> 00:56:35.200
because I just smashed my knuckles.

1068
00:56:35.200 --> 00:56:37.560
Then she's like bandaging up the bleeding knuckles

1069
00:56:37.560 --> 00:56:38.560
from breaking things loose.

1070
00:56:38.560 --> 00:56:39.900
I don't know if you've ever worked on cars,

1071
00:56:39.900 --> 00:56:41.120
but when you're in a short space

1072
00:56:41.120 --> 00:56:43.720
and all of a sudden it breaks loose, you're like, oh.

1073
00:56:46.600 --> 00:56:48.440
But like somebody that'll join you,

1074
00:56:48.440 --> 00:56:51.400
somebody who's like, hey, I mean, you guys,

1075
00:56:51.400 --> 00:56:54.360
find somebody that you guys can build your dreams together.

1076
00:56:55.080 --> 00:56:58.880
But if you jump to offense,

1077
00:56:58.880 --> 00:57:01.760
if you don't look at them the best,

1078
00:57:01.760 --> 00:57:04.040
the enemy is like, she's your enemy.

1079
00:57:04.040 --> 00:57:06.840
Look, dude, look, did you see what she did?

1080
00:57:06.840 --> 00:57:10.680
And then, or like, and you always, oh my gosh, dude,

1081
00:57:10.680 --> 00:57:12.560
if you ever hear you're always,

1082
00:57:12.560 --> 00:57:14.240
that is an instant timeout.

1083
00:57:15.520 --> 00:57:16.800
I mean, if you guys can't,

1084
00:57:16.800 --> 00:57:18.520
you know, you see me do this all the time,

1085
00:57:18.520 --> 00:57:21.960
but like literally if I use timeout,

1086
00:57:24.880 --> 00:57:26.880
do you think I can, yeah.

1087
00:57:26.880 --> 00:57:31.200
Hunter, okay, yes, you can still do it,

1088
00:57:31.200 --> 00:57:32.320
but here's my thing.

1089
00:57:32.320 --> 00:57:34.520
If you're doing it to protect your spirit mate,

1090
00:57:34.520 --> 00:57:35.840
I mean, that's great.

1091
00:57:35.840 --> 00:57:38.680
I want to do jujitsu because it's just pretty cool,

1092
00:57:38.680 --> 00:57:40.960
but like do it for you.

1093
00:57:40.960 --> 00:57:44.080
Don't do it for a woman that you might meet someday somehow.

1094
00:57:44.080 --> 00:57:48.360
Do it because you want to just be like,

1095
00:57:48.360 --> 00:57:53.360
but you guys, whether you're with your spirit mate or not,

1096
00:57:53.560 --> 00:57:55.240
thinking the best, most in love,

1097
00:57:55.240 --> 00:57:57.840
like practicing that and doing all these things,

1098
00:57:57.840 --> 00:58:00.680
seeing that, hey, when somebody comes up,

1099
00:58:00.680 --> 00:58:02.200
they're like, hey, how's your day?

1100
00:58:02.200 --> 00:58:03.920
Now you realize that's a bit for connection.

1101
00:58:03.920 --> 00:58:05.440
That's somebody's, most people are like,

1102
00:58:05.440 --> 00:58:08.720
hey, how many people feel seen, heard, and known?

1103
00:58:09.680 --> 00:58:11.280
I don't know about you, but like,

1104
00:58:12.600 --> 00:58:13.960
you know, you may see if somebody's life

1105
00:58:13.960 --> 00:58:15.880
by just saying, hey, how was your day?

1106
00:58:15.880 --> 00:58:20.520
And they're like, oh, well, I actually had that happen.

1107
00:58:21.520 --> 00:58:23.920
I don't know if I shared this with you guys.

1108
00:58:23.920 --> 00:58:26.360
I went to Reading randomly

1109
00:58:27.280 --> 00:58:29.240
and saw one of my spiritual sons there.

1110
00:58:29.240 --> 00:58:30.680
I hadn't seen him for a while.

1111
00:58:31.640 --> 00:58:35.560
And I went up and I ran into him like six times that day.

1112
00:58:35.560 --> 00:58:37.360
It was a God thing, right?

1113
00:58:37.360 --> 00:58:38.880
I gave him a hug every single time.

1114
00:58:38.880 --> 00:58:40.800
I was so stoked to see him.

1115
00:58:40.800 --> 00:58:42.440
He's planning on ending his life.

1116
00:58:45.040 --> 00:58:49.200
So you, and like, that would have freaking killed me, right?

1117
00:58:49.240 --> 00:58:52.920
Like, so just a random, hey, how you doing?

1118
00:58:52.920 --> 00:58:54.720
Here's a hug and trusting,

1119
00:58:54.720 --> 00:58:56.880
and then God putting me in that position.

1120
00:58:56.880 --> 00:58:57.720
I mean, he shared, he's like,

1121
00:58:57.720 --> 00:58:59.200
Mike, I was gonna end my life.

1122
00:58:59.200 --> 00:59:02.000
The enemy came for me so hard that weekend.

1123
00:59:02.000 --> 00:59:04.600
Everything hit me so hard, but then God brought you.

1124
00:59:11.120 --> 00:59:13.720
You guys, maybe it's for your spirit mate.

1125
00:59:13.720 --> 00:59:15.160
Maybe it's for one of your sons.

1126
00:59:15.160 --> 00:59:16.560
Maybe it's for your neighbor.

1127
00:59:16.560 --> 00:59:18.360
Maybe it's for some random stranger,

1128
00:59:18.360 --> 00:59:19.280
but you practice it.

1129
00:59:19.280 --> 00:59:20.560
It's gonna make you a better person.

1130
00:59:20.560 --> 00:59:22.800
It's gonna make you better in relationships.

1131
00:59:23.880 --> 00:59:25.960
If you ever say you always realize

1132
00:59:25.960 --> 00:59:27.360
that you're saying something,

1133
00:59:27.360 --> 00:59:30.800
there's something bigger, you're blowing this up,

1134
00:59:30.800 --> 00:59:33.240
and you really need to bring it down to scale

1135
00:59:33.240 --> 00:59:34.640
and what's in front of you.

1136
00:59:35.920 --> 00:59:39.040
And I used to say you always all the time.

1137
00:59:39.040 --> 00:59:40.000
It's cause you're hurt.

1138
00:59:40.000 --> 00:59:42.760
And like, but nobody always does it all the time.

1139
00:59:42.760 --> 00:59:45.160
You have to think the best, right?

1140
00:59:45.160 --> 00:59:47.240
You always isn't thinking the best.

1141
00:59:47.240 --> 00:59:49.320
I'm like, unless you always are amazing.

1142
00:59:49.320 --> 00:59:52.280
I mean, you guys are allowed to do that, right?

1143
00:59:52.280 --> 00:59:54.800
Like, you know, if it's a positive context, right?

1144
00:59:59.320 --> 01:00:00.160
Oh.

1145
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.840
Oh, I see what you're saying.

1146
01:00:05.840 --> 01:00:12.480
So listen to what she says and parrot it back.

1147
01:00:12.480 --> 01:00:14.760
I don't know if that makes sense.

1148
01:00:14.760 --> 01:00:18.260
Most introverts are very—I'm an extrovert and I'm a verbal processor.

1149
01:00:18.260 --> 01:00:23.700
So when I say something, it means I'm throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks.

1150
01:00:23.700 --> 01:00:26.900
Most introverts are really well thought out.

1151
01:00:26.900 --> 01:00:34.540
So if they have a certain words, if you repeat their words back to them, the way they feel

1152
01:00:34.540 --> 01:00:40.700
heard is if you can reiterate it back to them in their words, then they know you got it.

1153
01:00:40.700 --> 01:00:43.860
Does that make sense?

1154
01:00:43.860 --> 01:00:50.860
I mean, I think it's in all things, but especially—and I have to say, I used to get annoyed at my

1155
01:00:50.860 --> 01:00:53.020
ex because I'm like, I said this.

1156
01:00:53.020 --> 01:00:54.260
She's like, but I said this.

1157
01:00:54.260 --> 01:00:56.620
And I'm like, it's the same thing.

1158
01:00:56.620 --> 01:00:58.940
She's like, no, it's not.

1159
01:00:58.940 --> 01:01:01.420
And to her, it wasn't.

1160
01:01:01.420 --> 01:01:05.780
And I'm like, it's a matter of semantics to me, but to her, it made—and did I tell you

1161
01:01:05.780 --> 01:01:07.140
I've made all the mistakes?

1162
01:01:07.140 --> 01:01:10.780
So I'm learned from my mistakes.

1163
01:01:10.780 --> 01:01:17.140
But when she says something, is there more?

1164
01:01:17.140 --> 01:01:22.060
Or oh man, that must have really impacted you.

1165
01:01:22.060 --> 01:01:23.060
I'm sorry about that.

1166
01:01:23.060 --> 01:01:30.780
Or you just say—but a lot of people are afraid to share more because they feel like

1167
01:01:30.780 --> 01:01:31.780
they're saying too much.

1168
01:01:31.780 --> 01:01:35.260
And you're like, is that all or is there more?

1169
01:01:35.260 --> 01:01:39.760
And then you're allowing them to open up and give you more.

1170
01:01:39.760 --> 01:01:47.380
And then they'll test you with the more, and they're like—but you always just want to

1171
01:01:47.380 --> 01:01:51.340
hear—you just want to—I used to listen to respond.

1172
01:01:51.340 --> 01:01:55.980
That doesn't work super good, right?

1173
01:01:55.980 --> 01:02:02.460
And sorry, we're a little bit over, but what I learned with my ex—and I didn't have these

1174
01:02:02.460 --> 01:02:03.460
skills early.

1175
01:02:03.460 --> 01:02:08.660
I mean, dude, it took me years, but she would go off on this big, long thing.

1176
01:02:08.660 --> 01:02:13.780
And I was trying as hard, like lit honestly, as hard as I could to hear her.

1177
01:02:13.780 --> 01:02:18.060
And I would be like—and so what I had to learn to say is, hey, can we split this up

1178
01:02:18.060 --> 01:02:19.060
a little bit?

1179
01:02:19.060 --> 01:02:20.500
That was a lot.

1180
01:02:20.660 --> 01:02:22.940
So can we just go little bursts?

1181
01:02:22.940 --> 01:02:25.500
And I was like, oh, so what I hear you're saying in this is this.

1182
01:02:25.500 --> 01:02:26.500
And she's like, yes.

1183
01:02:26.500 --> 01:02:27.500
I said, what was the next thing?

1184
01:02:27.500 --> 01:02:29.460
Oh, and this.

1185
01:02:29.460 --> 01:02:34.260
And just ask, you know, this is what I heard you say.

1186
01:02:34.260 --> 01:02:37.020
Is that what you meant?

1187
01:02:37.020 --> 01:02:44.180
And clarifying, ask—being seen, like, oh, you know what, I may not—I was like, that

1188
01:02:44.180 --> 01:02:45.180
seems really hard.

1189
01:02:45.180 --> 01:02:48.300
You know, I've had hard things, too.

1190
01:02:48.460 --> 01:02:49.460
And just empathizing.

1191
01:02:49.460 --> 01:02:54.340
Is that helpful, Abram?

1192
01:02:54.340 --> 01:02:55.660
It's reflective listening.

1193
01:02:55.660 --> 01:02:58.380
It's empathetic listening.

1194
01:02:58.380 --> 01:03:00.620
It's turning off.

1195
01:03:00.620 --> 01:03:04.700
And for you guys, if somebody's like—if you want to connect with somebody, throw your

1196
01:03:04.700 --> 01:03:05.700
phone out the window.

1197
01:03:05.700 --> 01:03:06.700
I don't care.

1198
01:03:06.700 --> 01:03:07.700
Like, do something with it.

1199
01:03:07.700 --> 01:03:09.620
Like, literally put it aside.

1200
01:03:09.620 --> 01:03:13.540
If somebody sees your phone out, they're automatically going to feel like they're going to be waiting

1201
01:03:13.540 --> 01:03:15.060
for you to answer it.

1202
01:03:15.060 --> 01:03:18.980
So if you want to have good connections, put your phone away.

1203
01:03:18.980 --> 01:03:24.980
Don't be—for me, any emotion distracts me.

1204
01:03:24.980 --> 01:03:31.340
So if I put my back to the most busy place and I try to have a focal point behind the

1205
01:03:31.340 --> 01:03:36.180
person that isn't distracting me the whole time, because I'll be saying something super

1206
01:03:36.180 --> 01:03:43.460
great and a nice—a frickin' Corvette will go by and I'll be like, oh, dang, I missed—and

1207
01:03:43.460 --> 01:03:49.460
not that I—it's set yourself up to win.

1208
01:03:49.460 --> 01:03:50.460
Squirrel.

1209
01:03:50.460 --> 01:03:52.500
No, it is squirrel.

1210
01:03:52.500 --> 01:03:56.700
So if you're chasing squirrels, you're not listening.

1211
01:03:56.700 --> 01:03:59.580
And I also say—and I've actually apologized, I think.

1212
01:03:59.580 --> 01:04:00.580
You know what?

1213
01:04:00.580 --> 01:04:01.580
I am so sorry.

1214
01:04:01.580 --> 01:04:05.540
I got super distracted, and I know that's not—I wasn't—and you were sharing something

1215
01:04:05.540 --> 01:04:08.460
really important, and I want to apologize.

1216
01:04:08.460 --> 01:04:12.900
Would you please just repeat it again so I can hear it better this time?

1217
01:04:12.900 --> 01:04:17.620
And own it when you miss, because they know, right?

1218
01:04:17.620 --> 01:04:22.420
And that's the thing is, you can miss, you guys.

1219
01:04:22.420 --> 01:04:24.260
You can miss.

1220
01:04:24.260 --> 01:04:28.820
And if you own it, and you come back and say—and apologize for it, and like—you know the

1221
01:04:28.820 --> 01:04:36.900
term in the Bible is repent, but if you actually change, like—apology without change is manipulation.

1222
01:04:36.900 --> 01:04:41.620
If you don't intend it—I mean, you could—I mean, you may screw up again, but if your

1223
01:04:41.620 --> 01:04:43.980
intent is to change, then it's not manipulation.

1224
01:04:43.980 --> 01:04:48.820
But if you're just like—if you're placating them by saying, I'm sorry, that's not loving

1225
01:04:48.820 --> 01:04:50.020
or kind either.

1226
01:04:50.020 --> 01:04:57.180
So any questions, blasphemy, you want to chide me on anything, I'm perfectly fine.

1227
01:04:57.180 --> 01:04:59.540
You know, I forgot I mentioned the girlish figure thing, but—

1228
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.080
Hey, you guys all good?

1229
01:05:02.080 --> 01:05:02.920
Does that help?

1230
01:05:02.920 --> 01:05:04.120
Does this help you guys?

1231
01:05:04.120 --> 01:05:05.400
Yes, it is helping me.

1232
01:05:05.400 --> 01:05:07.720
I just need to know, build some integrity.

1233
01:05:07.720 --> 01:05:10.000
Like for example, I know how to cook.

1234
01:05:10.000 --> 01:05:11.720
I know how to do finances.

1235
01:05:11.720 --> 01:05:13.000
I have a job.

1236
01:05:13.000 --> 01:05:15.120
The only good part is I say something positive.

1237
01:05:15.120 --> 01:05:17.600
A lot of women saw, really respect me

1238
01:05:17.600 --> 01:05:19.800
in fact that they saw green flags in me.

1239
01:05:19.800 --> 01:05:20.640
Yeah, when I was on the cruise.

1240
01:05:20.640 --> 01:05:24.480
And Hunter, Hunter, Hunter, for you, okay?

1241
01:05:24.480 --> 01:05:29.480
What I would say to you is cool, come in calm.

1242
01:05:30.200 --> 01:05:31.680
Dude, you're an amazing dude.

1243
01:05:31.680 --> 01:05:32.880
And you have all these things

1244
01:05:32.880 --> 01:05:34.040
and you've done all this work

1245
01:05:34.040 --> 01:05:36.080
and I'm super proud of you, right?

1246
01:05:38.920 --> 01:05:42.040
So you don't have to advertise what you are.

1247
01:05:43.280 --> 01:05:46.120
Just be who you are, be your full self.

1248
01:05:47.040 --> 01:05:49.360
But come in, come in slow.

1249
01:05:50.680 --> 01:05:52.040
Don't come in like a ball of fire.

1250
01:05:52.040 --> 01:05:53.320
Women freak out, right?

1251
01:05:53.320 --> 01:05:54.360
You know what I mean?

1252
01:05:54.360 --> 01:05:55.800
I mean, come in confident,

1253
01:05:55.800 --> 01:05:57.640
but like just be like, hey, how are you?

1254
01:05:57.640 --> 01:05:58.480
What's going on?

1255
01:05:59.640 --> 01:06:03.320
And like, I'm Hunter dude, I'm a catch.

1256
01:06:03.320 --> 01:06:05.120
Dude, you better watch out.

1257
01:06:05.120 --> 01:06:06.160
This dude's walking out the door.

1258
01:06:06.160 --> 01:06:08.040
You better give me digits because we're, you know.

1259
01:06:08.040 --> 01:06:11.600
But like Hunter, you have a lot and you're doing a lot.

1260
01:06:11.600 --> 01:06:14.800
Don't talk about all that you're doing for the most part.

1261
01:06:14.800 --> 01:06:16.600
But like, just be you.

1262
01:06:16.600 --> 01:06:18.200
Have a fun conversation.

1263
01:06:18.200 --> 01:06:19.400
You're a fun dude.

1264
01:06:19.400 --> 01:06:23.040
Just, you guys, we get too serious.

1265
01:06:23.040 --> 01:06:24.240
We're like, oh, I like this chick.

1266
01:06:24.240 --> 01:06:25.960
I don't want to screw it up.

1267
01:06:25.960 --> 01:06:28.680
And you screw it up because you're not being fun.

1268
01:06:28.680 --> 01:06:29.880
You're not being yourself.

1269
01:06:29.880 --> 01:06:32.440
You're like, you know,

1270
01:06:32.440 --> 01:06:35.200
I've never hit a home run when I tried to.

1271
01:06:36.240 --> 01:06:39.160
But if I went into the box and I'm like, you know what?

1272
01:06:39.160 --> 01:06:41.160
I'm just going to put a swing on this ball.

1273
01:06:41.160 --> 01:06:42.520
I'm going to be smooth to it.

1274
01:06:42.520 --> 01:06:43.960
I'm going to drive through it.

1275
01:06:43.960 --> 01:06:46.720
I mean, dude, I've hit balls to the freaking moon.

1276
01:06:46.720 --> 01:06:49.360
But every time I tried to like muscle up

1277
01:06:49.360 --> 01:06:51.320
and I'm like, I'm going to crush this thing into the,

1278
01:06:51.320 --> 01:06:53.880
it's like, dude, it went straight up in the air, right?

1279
01:06:53.880 --> 01:06:56.680
You know, because when you're tight, you're not yourself.

1280
01:06:57.120 --> 01:06:58.640
When you're walking in who you are

1281
01:06:58.640 --> 01:07:00.840
and the powerful person you are,

1282
01:07:00.840 --> 01:07:02.320
you don't need to advertise.

1283
01:07:02.320 --> 01:07:03.640
You just need to be you.

1284
01:07:03.640 --> 01:07:07.240
And if they don't like you as you are.

1285
01:07:07.240 --> 01:07:08.600
That's their problem.

1286
01:07:08.600 --> 01:07:10.720
Then you don't want to be in a relationship with them.

1287
01:07:10.720 --> 01:07:12.680
But if they're like, hey, dude, that hunter is amazing.

1288
01:07:12.680 --> 01:07:14.840
And I want that guy in my life.

1289
01:07:14.840 --> 01:07:16.440
Then you can build on that.

1290
01:07:16.440 --> 01:07:21.280
But if you have to pretend to be somebody to land somebody,

1291
01:07:21.280 --> 01:07:22.640
then you're going to have to keep that up.

1292
01:07:22.640 --> 01:07:25.160
And it's not, you don't even get love for you.

1293
01:07:25.200 --> 01:07:26.880
Be you, be the authentic you.

1294
01:07:26.880 --> 01:07:28.320
It's the most attractive you.

1295
01:07:29.280 --> 01:07:31.120
90 days, where do you want to be in 90 days?

1296
01:07:31.120 --> 01:07:33.920
Do you want to maybe, hey, start doing 10 pushups a day

1297
01:07:33.920 --> 01:07:36.480
or take a walk or this, like 90 days,

1298
01:07:36.480 --> 01:07:38.040
you can be a completely different person.

1299
01:07:38.040 --> 01:07:39.880
Dude, like my arms, my arms are coming back

1300
01:07:39.880 --> 01:07:42.720
and I'm like, this is super cool, right?

1301
01:07:42.720 --> 01:07:43.880
You know, I got my beach body.

1302
01:07:43.880 --> 01:07:46.160
Well, kind of, I need to do cardio,

1303
01:07:46.160 --> 01:07:48.560
but like my whole point is in 90 days.

1304
01:07:48.560 --> 01:07:50.840
You need to come on a cruise.

1305
01:07:50.840 --> 01:07:52.920
Yeah, maybe, well, Lord,

1306
01:07:52.920 --> 01:07:54.480
I'll go wherever the Lord tells me to do.

1307
01:07:54.480 --> 01:07:57.920
But you guys, just be you, you're amazing.

1308
01:07:57.920 --> 01:08:00.400
Work the, you know, have a plan, work it.

1309
01:08:01.640 --> 01:08:04.600
Think the best in all your relationships.

1310
01:08:04.600 --> 01:08:05.920
And Lord, I'm going to pray us out.

1311
01:08:05.920 --> 01:08:07.360
I know we're way over, I'm sorry,

1312
01:08:07.360 --> 01:08:09.600
but I just really wanted to,

1313
01:08:11.480 --> 01:08:14.120
Lord, I just, would you help us to love well,

1314
01:08:14.120 --> 01:08:16.880
whether it be our boss, whether it be our spirit mate,

1315
01:08:16.880 --> 01:08:20.439
Lord, would you help us to lay the foundations

1316
01:08:20.439 --> 01:08:21.840
of everything we need?

1317
01:08:21.840 --> 01:08:24.319
Would you help us to be better communicators

1318
01:08:25.160 --> 01:08:27.560
that we would recognize bids for connection in every way.

1319
01:08:27.560 --> 01:08:30.840
And that, Lord, we just, we would become

1320
01:08:30.840 --> 01:08:33.080
just on fire with you, Lord,

1321
01:08:33.080 --> 01:08:35.200
that you would sustain us

1322
01:08:35.200 --> 01:08:38.760
and that we would be just so in you

1323
01:08:38.760 --> 01:08:40.760
that when we choose somebody, it'd be a great,

1324
01:08:40.760 --> 01:08:42.840
it's going to be a great match.

1325
01:08:42.840 --> 01:08:44.920
And Lord, I just pray for every person here

1326
01:08:44.920 --> 01:08:47.040
that you would be with them in their process,

1327
01:08:47.040 --> 01:08:47.880
that you would comfort them,

1328
01:08:47.880 --> 01:08:49.680
you break off any hopelessness

1329
01:08:49.680 --> 01:08:51.800
and Lord, that you would bring them their spirit mate.

1330
01:08:51.840 --> 01:08:54.399
And you're never ready,

1331
01:08:54.399 --> 01:08:56.680
but like Lord that we would be as ready as we could be

1332
01:08:56.680 --> 01:08:58.560
in Jesus name, amen.

1333
01:08:58.560 --> 01:08:59.399
Amen.

1334
01:09:00.319 --> 01:09:01.160
Love you all.

1335
01:09:01.160 --> 01:09:02.000
You guys are amazing.

1336
01:09:02.000 --> 01:09:03.000
Super proud of you.

1337
01:09:03.000 --> 01:09:03.840
Let's go.

1338
01:09:03.840 --> 01:09:05.240
Bye.

1339
01:09:05.240 --> 01:09:06.359
Bye buddy.

1340
01:09:06.359 --> 01:09:07.200
Bye.