WEBVTT

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All right. Welcome, ladies. This is, oh my goodness, it's May 26. It's Tuesday. It's

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one o'clock Eastern. This is phase two, Love Story Accelerator. This is your live check-in.

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We have two of those every Tuesday, one at one o'clock, which is now, and then the other

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one is eight o'clock Eastern, which is typically hosted by Ebony. So, yeah, it's good to see

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you. Do I have any new ladies with us today? I don't think I see anybody brand new. Oh,

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Rebecca, you're new. Hi. Welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Good, good to see you. So,

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yes, so I'll just do a quick intro for anybody that's watching that might not like this is

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your first time. I am Carla Johnson. I'm one of your coaches here at Last Year Single.

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I'm a success story from Jackie's program, came to her in the start of 2020. It's kind

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of the very beginning and stayed single for a couple of years, you know, did the roller

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coaster a little bit. I was pretty stubborn. Okay. That's, that's definitely me. So if

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that's you, I know Sarah Shell knows, like she knows me, not stubborn at all. She doesn't

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have me figure it out at all. So, yes, I was stubborn. So if you're stubborn to don't worry,

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I got you. All right. We'll bond very well. But yeah, so I am a success story. I've been now

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married. Let's see this year, September will be three years. And so I've been coaching now in

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this program for a little over two. So I did have a little time in between after we got married

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where I wasn't heavily involved in the community, but I never really left. Okay, so yes, perseverance

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for sure. So it's always an honor to be here with you all and to pour back into you all what was

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poured into me. I am just a, um, an advocate firm believer. Like I just, I have testimony myself,

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having walked through this program and just have seen God show up, not just in my love story,

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but in so many other love stories. Like you hear Jackie talk about like 1600 plus love stories.

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Like she's not joking. Like I've been in this community for over five years and there have

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been so many stories. Okay. So, um, I've got to see it on the side of just being the single person,

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celebrating those women as a single. And I'll admit at times there were some, you know,

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offenses, you know, I would be a little, little, you know, offended, like, why is it happening for

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them and not me? Okay. So I've been in that category and then obviously my own, and then

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also getting to see on the other side as a coach and seeing women that I've coached, um, step into

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their love stories as well. It's been absolutely incredible. So it's always an honor and blessing

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for me to do that. So before we get started, I'm going to go ahead and just touch on a couple

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housekeeping things, pray for us, and then we'll get started on our teaching. Um, today I was,

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I was praying a little bit last night. I had a one-on-one call yesterday that went really,

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really well, um, was really insightful. And, um, honestly, I felt like this person is experiencing

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a lot of the same challenges that so many of the ladies in phase two face. And so after kind of

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coaching with her yesterday and spending some time in prayer last night and this morning, um, I just

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really felt led to kind of spend a little extra time on kind of teaching a little bit more on

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those levels of dating, especially like discovery dating versus exclusivity. So that level two and

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level three relationships and how we may be showing up, um, in a level two relationship

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in this space that maybe we need to be operating if we were in a level three. Okay. So I really

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think it's going to be a good teaching today. I think I really pray that y'all get, you know,

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some good helpful insight, help clear up any confusion, um, you know, just get some wisdom

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on that. So, um, that will be the goal for today. And then we'll take your questions. Um, good

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morning, Laura. So good to see you.

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Yes, Kelly, yep.

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Seeing people get married and then you still see that yourself is single.

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I get that.

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So I was in this community for two years and I was like, I'm always showing up.

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I probably even said that to Jackie, like, well, I'm showing up, like I'm on every single

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one of your calls and I'm engaged and I'm, you know, participating in the community.

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Why isn't it not happening for me?

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You know, and that was just my, my stubbornness coming out, you know, to be perfectly honest.

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So, um, and I can't say that I'm completely over that, you know, personality, but you

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know, I'm learning.

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Okay.

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That's, that's the whole point is that we are growing, we're learning and, and God's

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got us.

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So, all right, let's go ahead and, uh, go over some housekeeping.

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So Jackie's modern day dating sucks, book is out.

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Yes.

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And that starts tonight, that book club.

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Okay.

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So I'm really excited because I know a handful of you ladies have definitely signed up for

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that.

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And so I am so excited to see what that's going to look like.

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I even have a woman from my church, um, she's in that book club.

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And so I'm super excited cause I am not in that book club because I'm not single.

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So I'm like, but I want to be in there, you know?

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But I, I, I do have the book on order and I plan on reading it, um, because I just find

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there's so much wisdom that Jackie has with the whole, um, aiding, you know, and obviously,

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you know, being a coach for this community, I want to absorb anything and everything.

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So, um, make sure that if you did sign up that you're checking your emails, okay.

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The information should be being sent to the email that you registered the book club for

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make sure you're checking spam.

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Okay.

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Because we're not like, I don't have all the details and all the information.

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So if you ask questions in our phase two app, I may not be able to get to answer those questions

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to you as quickly.

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And your best bet is going to be going through your emails, like combing through that first.

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Okay.

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So make sure you give that email a second read.

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Okay.

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Um, so that does start tonight at seven o'clock Eastern, no, sorry, eight o'clock Eastern.

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So it's around the same, it's the same time on Tuesdays as our evening calls, um, recorded.

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So Ebony's evening call and the book club calls are both recorded, I believe.

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Okay.

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So, um, don't feel like you're going to be missing out and you can't be at two places

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at once.

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Okay.

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Like those calls are recorded.

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You can always jump in at the one o'clock if you can make it here with me for five weeks

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while you do the book club in the evenings.

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Okay.

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Um, so yeah, definitely check those spam folders for all of that.

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Um, again, I just want to remind you ladies, like our goal is going to be to take as many

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questions as possible, um, on these live sessions on these, these check-ins.

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Um, so my best advice is going to be that when I open it up for questions that you come

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prepared with your question in like one or two sentences, this will help us kind of get

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as many possible questions in as possible.

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Obviously some questions are a little more meatier than others.

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Some require a little bit more detail than others.

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Some may be from, you know, women that have been consistent with showing up and I might

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have a lot more background because they're showing up in the app.

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They, they've been on the calls and we've discussed a lot more.

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There may be some of those questions that are just really good questions that come up,

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you know, you yourself, but so many other women in the program that I'm going to maybe

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spend a little extra time teaching from because everyone is going to be able to gain wisdom

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from your question.

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So, um, like I said, best advice is to come prepared with your question in one or two

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sentences and we will do our best on this call to fit in as many as possible.

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It's also really helpful to post in the app.

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If you do have one of those questions that do require a little bit more, um, detail.

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Okay.

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So if you're able to even post in there, whether it's, you know, Monday night or Tuesday

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morning or sometime during the week and you're like, Hey, here's my question.

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You might not be able to answer it, everything in the app.

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But.

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but maybe it's something that we can talk about

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on Tuesday live call.

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Like we can always fit that in

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because sometimes I can take some of these good questions

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and build that into the content that we teach from.

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Especially when I noticed like a pattern

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when many women are experiencing the same question

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or it's like, oh, I'm in the same situation.

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What do I do here?

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You know, this is coming up.

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Like that is one thing I noticed when I was in the community

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is it was often like what was happening for one woman

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that was being highlighted,

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like an area of healing was also being highlighted

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in other women as well.

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And if we all stayed quiet,

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we would have never been able to grow

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and lean in on one another.

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And so when we spoke up, we realized,

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oh my gosh, I'm not doing this alone.

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I'm experiencing something similar.

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It might not be the same thing, but it can be similar.

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Okay, so that's just a little bit of helpful information.

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Now, again, I think we do share this most weeks

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is that we do offer one-on-one coaching sessions.

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That's 50 minutes.

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Those are an additional charge

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that's under your resource tab.

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So if you feel like I need a little more,

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you know, personal, like one-on-one like help,

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we have that available.

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So there are several of us coaches

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that have, you know, open schedules

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and you can check that out.

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And that is always a possibility.

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But I wanna encourage that if that's not something

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that you feel like you're able to do,

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I don't want that to discourage you in thinking,

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well, if I can't do a one-on-one,

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then my love story's just not gonna come

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as fast as other people's.

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Because that's just not true, okay?

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So I want to make sure that I share that, okay?

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That it doesn't, like God's got your story

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and it's your journey, all right?

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How you decide to show up and what you're capable,

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God already knows.

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So if one-on-one coaching is for you, great.

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God's gonna utilize that resource for you.

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If one-on-one coaching isn't for you, that's okay.

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God's got you.

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God's gonna utilize what you are,

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what you have the capacity for, okay?

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He's not leaving anybody out, all right?

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Okay, so I'm gonna go ahead and pray

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and then we'll go ahead and get started.

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So Heavenly Father, I just thank you.

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I thank you for this time together.

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Lord, I thank you that you just open the schedule up

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to have each and every one of these ladies come here today.

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Lord, I thank you for the desire that you've placed

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in all of their hearts for love and connection

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and growth and healthy relationships.

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Lord, I invite you in this conversation.

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Lord, I ask that you quiet any fear, pressure,

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comparison, disappointment, any overthinking,

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any anxiety, just help us to slow down enough

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to hear truth over emotion and wisdom over urgency.

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You know, Lord, as we talk about pacing

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and the levels of relationship today,

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you know, I just ask that you just continue

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to help us lean in and trust that you will reveal

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what we need over time.

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You know, teach us how to stay open

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without feeling that we have to be rushed,

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how we can discern without needing to shut down

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and how clarity can unfold

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instead of just trying to force certainty

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or, you know, that we have to have this knowing

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in order to feel like things are clear.

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Lord, I ask that you help us recognize

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what needs to be healed, what's being revealed.

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You know, teach us, show us, heal us, grow us

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in this process of dating and preparing

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for the love story that you have for us.

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Lord, I ask that you just allow this space today

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to be a place of encouragement, of wisdom,

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of honesty, of growth, of care and love and consideration.

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Lord, we just give this time to you, in Jesus name. Amen.

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All right, do I have any other new ladies on? I see a couple

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ladies I haven't seen in a while. So it's good to see you

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here. So yes, as I said earlier, we're going to talk a little bit

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about those levels of dating. All right. So if you've checked

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out dating 101, Jackie's teaching on that. So you

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probably have a little bit of a, an idea of what that is. If you

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haven't, don't worry, especially if you're brand new, you might

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not have gotten to that video yet. It's totally cool. All

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right. But that teaching is available to you in your

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teaching content, your course content. And then there are some

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slides there. And so that is always a great point of

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reference if you ever have questions. And so today, I'm

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going to really focus on am I treating level two like a level

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three? Okay, some of you ladies have now started jumping into

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dating. Okay, and that's exciting. It's nerve wracking. I

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get it. Especially after heartwork. We're like, whoa,

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this feels different. All right, you know, for me, it took me a

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solid year before I started dating. After heartwork. That

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was all God's pacing and time, you know, I might have held,

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held off a little longer, because again, I'm a little

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stubborn. And I was probably, you know, holding on to a little

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bit more fear than I'd like to admit. But at the same time, God

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met me in that space. And he also knew that I needed to feel

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confident in my identity and him. And so that time was not

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wasted. It just because I didn't date in that first year

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didn't mean like, I blow down my love story. Okay. In fact, once,

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once I got out of my own way, there was definitely

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exhilaration on my love story. Once I kind of let go of some

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things that I was stubbornly holding on to, like, there was

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an exhilaration there. But I want to just again, I'm going to

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quickly go over those five levels of relationships,

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especially for those ladies who might not have seen that

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content yet, but we're going to specifically focus on level two

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and level three. So level one is that initial meeting, it's that

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you find that you might be attracted to someone something

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about that person is like, I might be interested. Okay, that

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can be in community, whatever. It's just you're meeting

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someone, whether it's, you know, in community, through a

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friend of a friend, through church, through an online

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dating site. It's just there's going to be a curiosity that's

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going to strike it. So it might be reading someone's profile, or

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them reaching out to you. And you look at it, and you're like,

247
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hey, they look kind of cute, or, you know, they don't, I'm not

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fully physically attracted, but I like some of the things that

249
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they said in their profile. So let's see where the you know,

250
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I'm interested in getting to know them. So there may or may

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not be attraction present. Fun fact, I was not fully attracted

252
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to my husband physically, when I saw photos of him. Okay, I did

253
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not meet him online dating, but I met him through online. He was

254
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in a Christian Facebook singles community that I was not even a

255
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part of. But many women in this in Jackie's community also was a

256
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part of but I wasn't. And so some of the women had eyes in

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there. And we're like, Hey, about this guy, Carla, I had, I

258
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mean, some of my girlfriends would would see that they

259
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thought that they lived in, he thought that they lived in

260
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Florida, they sent him my way, because, you know, I was one of

261
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the few girls at the time that lived in Florida. And now we

262
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have lots of ladies in Florida. But at the time, at the very

263
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beginning, like, I feel like I was one of the very few lived in

264
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that area. And I was in my, you know, late 30s. And, and if

265
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you've ever been to Florida, I lived in Sarasota, and it's a

266
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heavily populated retirement community. Okay. It's, it's,

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it's got, you know, it's just let me just say, like, you have

268
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to have like, it's where you go to retire. All right. And I just

269
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was like, I love the weather. And I wanted to be there. And I

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couldn't actually always afford it. Because it is pricey down

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there. So I understand why you see more people who are retired

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who are more well established financially being able to go

273
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down there. I was a single mom. I don't know how I mean, by the

274
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grace of God, I was able to make ends meet. So

275
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Um, I have all sorts of ladies always saying, Oh, Hey, what do you think about this guy?

276
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Well, one of the girls reached out to this guy and was like, Hey, you need to meet my

277
00:20:10.360 --> 00:20:11.240
friend Carla.

278
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And so she sent me his like profile and his pictures.

279
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And I wasn't like, I wasn't goo goo ga ga.

280
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Okay.

281
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Like, Oh man, he's hot.

282
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Like I was not like that with any of his photos.

283
00:20:28.240 --> 00:20:28.720
Okay.

284
00:20:29.160 --> 00:20:30.640
Did I think he was hideous?

285
00:20:30.640 --> 00:20:36.560
No, but I was like, okay, physically it doesn't look like someone that I would

286
00:20:36.600 --> 00:20:42.400
typically be attracted to, but I liked a handful of the things that he shared

287
00:20:42.760 --> 00:20:44.320
when he talked about himself.

288
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And so I was like, look, you can give him my information.

289
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We'll see what he does with it.

290
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Okay.

291
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So attraction may or may not be there.

292
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Okay.

293
00:20:59.440 --> 00:21:05.160
You should kind of, yeah, no, it's she, she said, Sarasota sounds like where

294
00:21:05.160 --> 00:21:06.520
you go get a sugar daddy.

295
00:21:06.560 --> 00:21:09.280
No, don't go there to get a sugar daddy.

296
00:21:09.280 --> 00:21:10.960
That's not what we're asking for.

297
00:21:12.080 --> 00:21:13.800
I love your sense of humor, girl.

298
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Love it.

299
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Love it.

300
00:21:15.400 --> 00:21:17.960
Um, but yes, Chrissy, it's snowbirds.

301
00:21:17.960 --> 00:21:19.040
It's transplants.

302
00:21:19.200 --> 00:21:21.680
It's yes, it's exactly.

303
00:21:22.120 --> 00:21:24.800
Um, so Chrissy is from Florida.

304
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She gets it.

305
00:21:25.640 --> 00:21:28.600
And yes, Sarasota Bradenton is gorgeous.

306
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If you've ever been there, like you can understand why.

307
00:21:34.280 --> 00:21:38.080
Like I figured out a way to live there because I spent

308
00:21:38.080 --> 00:21:39.720
like almost 15 years there.

309
00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:41.720
I, it was, it's gorgeous.

310
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It really, really is.

311
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Um, I still miss it.

312
00:21:44.560 --> 00:21:45.920
I said, I was never going to move.

313
00:21:45.920 --> 00:21:47.560
It was actually one of my deal breakers.

314
00:21:48.080 --> 00:21:51.040
It was literally what I thought was a non-negotiable from heaven.

315
00:21:51.960 --> 00:21:57.360
And when I had a lot of, you know, conversations with Jackie in the very

316
00:21:57.400 --> 00:21:59.520
beginning, cause we were a much smaller community.

317
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So we, we got a little extra, you know, one-on-one time with her.

318
00:22:04.400 --> 00:22:09.640
And, uh, after a lot of her kind of talking me down many ledges,

319
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I finally decided I'm like, well, God's just going to have to show up.

320
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So I guess if I have to move, I have to move.

321
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And I really didn't think God was going to move me.

322
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And yeah, he did.

323
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And so I am now a Texan.

324
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So, um, but that's a story for another day.

325
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Um, so that's level one.

326
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Okay.

327
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Level two is where the curiosity, the interest, and maybe

328
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some infatuation might grow.

329
00:22:40.400 --> 00:22:40.720
Okay.

330
00:22:40.720 --> 00:22:44.400
This is what we call discovery dating.

331
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You are going to hear that word phrase all the time in this space.

332
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We're always going to be talking about discovery dating because

333
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that's what y'all are getting into.

334
00:22:57.880 --> 00:23:00.960
We're gently kicking you out of the nest.

335
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Cause you remember in phase one, you didn't get to date.

336
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We said, no, sorry.

337
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Focus on your heartwork.

338
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:11.880
Now, some of you need a little gentle nudge.

339
00:23:12.160 --> 00:23:16.360
Some of you are like that, like as soon as you, you stepped in, you were

340
00:23:16.360 --> 00:23:18.400
like, where's, where's the diving board.

341
00:23:18.720 --> 00:23:21.000
I'm going, I'm going all in Carla.

342
00:23:21.680 --> 00:23:24.080
Um, I was not one of those girls.

343
00:23:25.360 --> 00:23:28.320
Um, but discovery dating is that level two.

344
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And so that is where you're getting to know someone it's the low stakes.

345
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It's where you're going to gather information.

346
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It's those beginning stages of the get to know you.

347
00:23:37.520 --> 00:23:43.440
It's those, you know, several, like first few dates.

348
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It's the first couple of weeks, months of getting to know somebody.

349
00:23:48.720 --> 00:23:49.320
Okay.

350
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You are just gathering information.

351
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Level three is what we'll call exclusivity.

352
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That's where there's actual intentional relationship.

353
00:24:00.920 --> 00:24:09.160
And that's with the goal of moving towards long-term commitment.

354
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Now, Jackie will share with you that, and I believe this is in the dating one-on-one

355
00:24:16.320 --> 00:24:23.600
video, we encourage the men to lead this exclusive conversation.

356
00:24:25.280 --> 00:24:25.520
Okay.

357
00:24:25.520 --> 00:24:27.840
That does not mean all of them do.

358
00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:34.800
Doesn't mean that there's, that it works perfectly, but we are going to strongly

359
00:24:34.800 --> 00:24:38.400
encourage for that to happen.

360
00:24:38.400 --> 00:24:43.280
You want the men taking the lead on the exclusivity.

361
00:24:43.680 --> 00:24:44.160
Okay.

362
00:24:45.360 --> 00:24:48.320
Then level four is like the engagement.

363
00:24:48.480 --> 00:24:55.520
It's kind of like, okay, we've spent time being exclusive and now there's this

364
00:24:55.520 --> 00:25:00.320
promise that we're going to be able to do this for the rest of our lives.

365
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:10.000
we are moving towards marriage. We've spent, you know, a handful of time, months,

366
00:25:00.320 --> 00:25:00.640
Okay.

367
00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:16.200
whatever, really getting to know each other on a deeper level to see if we are

368
00:25:16.200 --> 00:25:27.280
in a deep alignment that will, will, will be, what's the word I'm looking for, will

369
00:25:27.280 --> 00:25:36.680
be ideal for marriage, for a covenant. Okay. That's a bit like, that's, that's a

370
00:25:36.680 --> 00:25:41.960
decision. All right. And you want to have confidence in that decision. You want to

371
00:25:41.960 --> 00:25:46.840
feel peace in that decision. Okay. And you get that in that level three

372
00:25:46.840 --> 00:25:51.680
exclusivity. And then once you've kind of gained that, and there's been a lot of

373
00:25:51.680 --> 00:25:55.920
peace and confirmation and things are moving in that direction, then that

374
00:25:55.920 --> 00:26:01.200
promise and that engagement is there. And then that's where you get to really

375
00:26:01.200 --> 00:26:06.880
dive into that deeper future building preparation for what covenant marriage

376
00:26:06.880 --> 00:26:12.720
will look like. We offer Simbis coaching for those couples to save your marriage

377
00:26:12.720 --> 00:26:19.120
before it starts. So anyone that is in that exclusive relationship that are

378
00:26:19.120 --> 00:26:22.640
talking about engagement, again, just because you get into exclusive

379
00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:25.920
relationship does not mean right away, you're going to be talking about

380
00:26:25.920 --> 00:26:32.640
engagement. Okay. You may hear stories in our community, how it did move

381
00:26:32.640 --> 00:26:40.400
accelerated like that, but that is not everybody's story. Okay. You get to let

382
00:26:40.400 --> 00:26:46.520
God take the drive, like be in the driver's seat. Okay. So again, I want to

383
00:26:46.520 --> 00:26:52.000
focus on the level two and a level three, because this is where a lot of us will

384
00:26:52.000 --> 00:27:01.360
experience confusion, anxiety, disappointment, emotional burnout, because

385
00:27:01.360 --> 00:27:07.760
we're emotionally moving to level three while we're still in level one or two.

386
00:27:07.760 --> 00:27:15.600
Okay. So level two, this is where attraction can grow, curiosity grows, and

387
00:27:15.840 --> 00:27:22.720
yeah, there can be some infatuation. Okay. Sometimes there may not be. All right. It

388
00:27:22.720 --> 00:27:27.520
depends on what your patterns are, like what, what things happened in your past

389
00:27:27.520 --> 00:27:31.760
that might be, you know, keeping you from that, because that will be revealed.

390
00:27:33.360 --> 00:27:39.120
This is simply that this is the stage for discovery. So this is not a stage that

391
00:27:39.120 --> 00:27:46.160
you're deciding anything. It's not a stage for attaching. It's not for future

392
00:27:46.160 --> 00:27:55.200
planning. It's not to gain certainty. Believe it or not, this is a big one.

393
00:27:56.800 --> 00:28:04.080
This is the stage where you are observing. It's not, your goal is not commitment.

394
00:28:04.080 --> 00:28:10.480
It is observing. You're not just observing another person. You're observing yourself

395
00:28:11.200 --> 00:28:18.160
as well. How do you show up? What patterns show up in you? Okay. If you're like me,

396
00:28:18.160 --> 00:28:22.720
you're going to notice all the patterns and that person, the other person you're dating,

397
00:28:22.720 --> 00:28:25.280
because it's so much easier to look at them that it is us, right?

398
00:28:26.960 --> 00:28:30.960
Ladies, I do that in my marriage too. It is so much easier for me to look at my husband,

399
00:28:30.960 --> 00:28:34.160
be like, Oh honey, here, why don't you do this and do that and do this?

400
00:28:35.600 --> 00:28:40.240
But it is a lot easier than me sitting here saying, Oh, this is what I need to work on.

401
00:28:40.960 --> 00:28:50.560
Okay. So keep that in mind. All right. The goal of level two is just, it is that clarity,

402
00:28:50.560 --> 00:29:01.360
but not in the sense of certainty. Okay. It's just to give you more insight. So this is where

403
00:29:01.360 --> 00:29:06.720
that helpful mindset and you hear this phrase all the time. Okay. We've talked about this and

404
00:29:06.720 --> 00:29:15.440
try to break this down some, it's a yes until it's a no. All right. So that means there's enough

405
00:29:15.440 --> 00:29:24.720
curiosity to continue getting to know them. You have not seen any clear deal breakers exist yet.

406
00:29:27.120 --> 00:29:32.960
You're gathering information and you're observing patterns over moments,

407
00:29:35.120 --> 00:29:43.120
observing one thing once is not going to be like, Oh, that's how they always show up.

408
00:29:43.120 --> 00:29:50.240
You want to see over time and is this a consistent behavior? Is this what shows up?

409
00:29:50.240 --> 00:29:56.880
I'm curious as to why this is their response. I want to see, is this something that they really

410
00:29:56.880 --> 00:29:59.040
struggle with? And

411
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.880
Is this compatible with me?

412
00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:09.680
Is this in alignment with where I'm at in my life and where I'm going?

413
00:30:11.120 --> 00:30:16.400
What's going to happen when we emotionally skip levels?

414
00:30:16.400 --> 00:30:21.880
This is where many anxious and avoidant patterns are going to show up.

415
00:30:21.880 --> 00:30:27.400
Sometimes, it's without us even realizing it.

416
00:30:30.000 --> 00:30:33.880
All right, hear me.

417
00:30:33.880 --> 00:30:41.040
Sometimes, we are not even aware of these patterns,

418
00:30:41.040 --> 00:30:44.800
but over time, when we show up in the community

419
00:30:44.800 --> 00:30:48.880
and then we see a consistent pattern how we're showing up in community,

420
00:30:48.880 --> 00:30:51.800
that's when it gets revealed.

421
00:30:51.800 --> 00:30:54.600
Okay, that's not to scare you.

422
00:30:54.600 --> 00:30:57.480
That's just to say, hey, we got you.

423
00:30:57.480 --> 00:31:01.800
And chances are, all of us coaches have been there.

424
00:31:01.800 --> 00:31:03.320
Actually, not chances are.

425
00:31:03.320 --> 00:31:06.800
I know we've all been there.

426
00:31:06.800 --> 00:31:11.560
All right, so some examples of what I'm talking about

427
00:31:11.560 --> 00:31:14.160
and how this is going to look like, okay?

428
00:31:14.160 --> 00:31:24.160
And I want you to listen to where the level of emotion is, okay?

429
00:31:24.160 --> 00:31:28.640
So an example would be, well, you know, we talk every day,

430
00:31:28.640 --> 00:31:33.040
so maybe this is serious.

431
00:31:33.040 --> 00:31:37.960
Now, we might have a maybe this is serious like we're excited about it

432
00:31:37.960 --> 00:31:41.280
or maybe this is serious and that scares us.

433
00:31:41.280 --> 00:31:44.520
You know, I stop talking to other men because, you know,

434
00:31:44.520 --> 00:31:47.200
I just I really like this one.

435
00:31:47.200 --> 00:31:51.000
So I'm not going to bother with anybody else.

436
00:31:51.000 --> 00:31:53.800
You know, I just don't know if I even feel like it's right for me

437
00:31:53.800 --> 00:31:56.560
to be getting to know a couple people at the same time.

438
00:31:56.560 --> 00:32:01.920
So I'm just going to focus on this one because this is the one I like the most.

439
00:32:01.920 --> 00:32:05.960
You might have this like, well, he pulled back after three dates.

440
00:32:05.960 --> 00:32:09.240
I'm not sure what happened.

441
00:32:09.240 --> 00:32:10.520
That was a big one for me.

442
00:32:10.520 --> 00:32:12.200
Usually, it was like, he pulled back after one date.

443
00:32:12.200 --> 00:32:13.240
Why didn't he get a second?

444
00:32:13.240 --> 00:32:16.000
Why didn't he put a second date with me?

445
00:32:16.000 --> 00:32:20.040
Like that happened frequently for me.

446
00:32:20.040 --> 00:32:22.720
Oh, this is a good one.

447
00:32:22.720 --> 00:32:27.560
You know, if this doesn't work out, I just, you know, I've wasted two months.

448
00:32:27.560 --> 00:32:30.400
I've wasted my weekend.

449
00:32:30.400 --> 00:32:34.160
You know, my time is valuable and, you know, if this just doesn't work out,

450
00:32:34.160 --> 00:32:37.600
like I don't want to waste my time and I don't want to waste their time.

451
00:32:37.600 --> 00:32:43.720
You know, I need to know, you know, I don't want to invest my time

452
00:32:43.720 --> 00:32:46.640
unless I know where this is going to go.

453
00:32:51.040 --> 00:32:53.040
Tiffany, I see you smiling.

454
00:32:53.040 --> 00:32:57.040
Yeah.

455
00:32:57.040 --> 00:33:03.040
Some of you ladies, like, look, this is not like, this is not to make you feel

456
00:33:03.040 --> 00:33:05.040
like you're being called out, okay?

457
00:33:05.040 --> 00:33:10.040
And Sarah Shell knows after last week where, hey, there might be some things

458
00:33:10.040 --> 00:33:15.040
that I might say that might be like, oh, like you want to strangle me

459
00:33:15.040 --> 00:33:17.040
through the computer.

460
00:33:17.040 --> 00:33:19.040
And that's okay.

461
00:33:19.040 --> 00:33:25.040
And Sarah Shell will tell you and remind you from last week, she's been there

462
00:33:25.040 --> 00:33:31.040
with me before and she still loves me and she knows I love her.

463
00:33:31.040 --> 00:33:35.040
Isn't that right?

464
00:33:35.040 --> 00:33:37.040
All right.

465
00:33:37.040 --> 00:33:38.040
This is another one.

466
00:33:38.040 --> 00:33:43.040
Maybe I should stop dating because it's just, it doesn't lead to anywhere.

467
00:33:43.040 --> 00:33:45.040
You know, I've been on a handful of dates, you know,

468
00:33:45.040 --> 00:33:46.040
and it never leads anywhere.

469
00:33:46.040 --> 00:33:50.040
So maybe I should just stop dating altogether.

470
00:33:50.040 --> 00:33:52.040
That's another one.

471
00:33:52.040 --> 00:33:55.040
Tiffany, I'm reading your mail.

472
00:33:55.040 --> 00:33:56.040
I love it.

473
00:33:56.040 --> 00:33:58.040
Girl, I'm not reading your mail.

474
00:33:58.040 --> 00:34:04.040
I'm literally sharing with you all my past mail, okay?

475
00:34:04.040 --> 00:34:08.040
So I want you to gently notice something here, okay?

476
00:34:08.040 --> 00:34:13.040
Most of these thoughts and these questions or these, like, statements that I

477
00:34:13.040 --> 00:34:18.040
shared, those are emotionally operating at a level three expectation while

478
00:34:18.040 --> 00:34:24.040
you're still in a level two reality.

479
00:34:24.040 --> 00:34:26.040
Do I need to repeat that?

480
00:34:26.040 --> 00:34:28.040
Okay.

481
00:34:28.040 --> 00:34:38.040
Those thoughts, those statements, those ideas are emotionally operating at a

482
00:34:38.040 --> 00:34:45.040
level three expectation level, a level three relationship expectation level.

483
00:34:45.040 --> 00:34:52.040
While in reality, you're still only in level two.

484
00:34:52.040 --> 00:34:57.040
The discovery, the get to know you, the gather information stage.

485
00:34:57.040 --> 00:35:00.040
Okay.

486
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.080
So I want to break some things down here.

487
00:35:02.960 --> 00:35:06.120
That's going to be where we go a little bit into some heartwork, some anxious

488
00:35:06.120 --> 00:35:08.560
and void at patterns in that discovery dating.

489
00:35:08.640 --> 00:35:09.200
Okay.

490
00:35:09.840 --> 00:35:12.680
This is something, you know, this has hit me because this is

491
00:35:12.680 --> 00:35:14.280
definitely something that I do.

492
00:35:14.880 --> 00:35:21.520
Um, I am one of those people that I know I have a gift of discernment, but if I'm

493
00:35:21.520 --> 00:35:29.960
not careful, I can sit there and say that something is discernment when in

494
00:35:29.960 --> 00:35:31.520
reality, it's actually just fear.

495
00:35:35.240 --> 00:35:37.280
So want you to be mindful of that.

496
00:35:37.360 --> 00:35:37.960
Okay.

497
00:35:39.640 --> 00:35:42.920
If you have some anxious attachments and I'm going to share anxious and avoidant

498
00:35:42.920 --> 00:35:47.080
attachments and ladies, I want to, I'll, I'll be transparent with you.

499
00:35:47.280 --> 00:35:49.000
I operated in both.

500
00:35:49.600 --> 00:35:53.520
So if that's you just know, like, look, that's, that's okay.

501
00:35:54.120 --> 00:35:58.960
There's reasons and, and, you know, past things that I had to sort through as to

502
00:35:58.960 --> 00:36:00.960
why I would operate in that stuff.

503
00:36:01.280 --> 00:36:04.360
And those were just things that God would highlight to me and heal.

504
00:36:04.560 --> 00:36:09.280
And there are still things that God highlights to me that I'm needing to heal

505
00:36:09.280 --> 00:36:13.120
from and just a marriage relationship on how sometimes I can show up anxious or

506
00:36:13.120 --> 00:36:13.520
avoid it.

507
00:36:13.520 --> 00:36:16.320
Now, do I, do I show up more secure?

508
00:36:16.720 --> 00:36:20.120
Well, yes, because I've, I've done my heartwork.

509
00:36:20.120 --> 00:36:22.360
I've worked on it, but it doesn't mean that I'm perfect.

510
00:36:23.200 --> 00:36:25.280
No, I still have areas that I got to work on.

511
00:36:25.560 --> 00:36:26.720
My husband does too.

512
00:36:27.440 --> 00:36:27.760
Okay.

513
00:36:27.760 --> 00:36:31.280
So anxious attachment, this is what it's going to sound like.

514
00:36:32.680 --> 00:36:33.560
I need certainty.

515
00:36:36.800 --> 00:36:38.600
You know, that's going to be like, what does this mean?

516
00:36:38.600 --> 00:36:39.800
What does this relationship mean?

517
00:36:39.800 --> 00:36:40.760
Like, where is this going to go?

518
00:36:40.880 --> 00:36:41.720
Like, what does this mean?

519
00:36:41.720 --> 00:36:43.000
What does this relationship mean?

520
00:36:43.000 --> 00:36:44.440
Like, where is this going?

521
00:36:44.960 --> 00:36:46.400
Why hasn't he texted me?

522
00:36:47.160 --> 00:36:48.320
Does he still like me?

523
00:36:48.960 --> 00:36:49.840
I'm anxious.

524
00:36:50.680 --> 00:36:57.040
You know, we have this temptation to rush, rush clarity to help calm our anxiety.

525
00:36:58.560 --> 00:37:02.960
We'll call it discernment and say, you know, I, I just, you know, I just need to

526
00:37:02.960 --> 00:37:05.800
know like where, where he stands and where this stands.

527
00:37:05.800 --> 00:37:10.600
That's just, I'm discerning what, you know, where I need to invest my time.

528
00:37:11.760 --> 00:37:17.000
Well, no, you're just a fearful that you're, you're not going to be chosen.

529
00:37:18.240 --> 00:37:19.360
Like, what if you're not chosen?

530
00:37:19.360 --> 00:37:20.600
What if this doesn't work out?

531
00:37:20.600 --> 00:37:23.480
What if we might be operating in a scarcity mindset?

532
00:37:24.320 --> 00:37:24.920
Okay.

533
00:37:27.440 --> 00:37:30.400
I had a lot of that stuff a lot.

534
00:37:31.400 --> 00:37:34.880
I just, I struggled with control.

535
00:37:35.640 --> 00:37:36.320
I still do.

536
00:37:36.360 --> 00:37:45.080
I felt like if I kind of had the knowing, if I knew what was going to happen, it

537
00:37:45.080 --> 00:37:46.720
would call my anxiety.

538
00:37:48.160 --> 00:37:50.600
So then everything was cool.

539
00:37:50.840 --> 00:37:52.240
Like I got this.

540
00:37:52.280 --> 00:37:52.680
Okay.

541
00:37:52.680 --> 00:37:54.080
Cause I know what to expect.

542
00:37:54.800 --> 00:37:57.320
Nothing's going to like shake me.

543
00:37:57.600 --> 00:37:58.120
Right.

544
00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:04.800
That's what I'm operating in my own strength and my own wisdom and not

545
00:38:04.800 --> 00:38:14.440
trusting that even in the shaking, God's got me, we live in a world where

546
00:38:14.440 --> 00:38:20.040
that's going to be shaken, that we don't know tomorrow.

547
00:38:20.040 --> 00:38:29.040
But we trust that God does, he died for our sins, he's got us, our

548
00:38:29.040 --> 00:38:30.640
salvation is already there.

549
00:38:32.240 --> 00:38:39.600
So it's, I struggle with that, me letting go of like needing to know, but God,

550
00:38:39.600 --> 00:38:43.000
just tell me, I'm not going to let you go.

551
00:38:43.000 --> 00:38:44.400
I'm not going to let you go.

552
00:38:44.400 --> 00:38:45.680
I'm not going to let you go.

553
00:38:45.680 --> 00:38:46.880
I'm not going to let you go.

554
00:38:46.880 --> 00:38:51.120
Like I'm one of those people in a movie that I'm like, especially if my, my

555
00:38:51.120 --> 00:38:55.440
husband or if my kids have seen the movie, just tell me what happens.

556
00:38:55.800 --> 00:38:56.840
Is this what happens?

557
00:38:56.840 --> 00:38:58.440
Cause I have an idea of what happens.

558
00:38:58.920 --> 00:39:00.040
Like, is this what happens?

559
00:39:00.160 --> 00:39:01.480
Just tell me yes or no.

560
00:39:02.240 --> 00:39:04.080
Like if it's yes, like then, okay.

561
00:39:04.120 --> 00:39:05.280
I already figured it out.

562
00:39:06.080 --> 00:39:09.040
Y'all they never tell me drives me crazy.

563
00:39:10.040 --> 00:39:13.840
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

564
00:39:13.840 --> 00:39:16.840
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

565
00:39:17.680 --> 00:39:20.800
I'm like, just tell me I'm going to find out.

566
00:39:21.480 --> 00:39:25.120
So why keep me waiting in suspense?

567
00:39:26.400 --> 00:39:29.000
I don't necessarily always like surprises.

568
00:39:29.680 --> 00:39:31.800
Um, yes, just fast forward to the end of the movie.

569
00:39:32.200 --> 00:39:35.680
If, if I'm the only one in the house, I most certainly will.

570
00:39:36.320 --> 00:39:40.560
Don't think I won't, or I'll go straight up Google, you know, what's going to

571
00:39:40.560 --> 00:39:45.200
happen, especially in all those like series, like, so that I don't sit there

572
00:39:45.200 --> 00:39:47.200
and binge watch a book, you know what?

573
00:39:47.200 --> 00:39:48.360
I don't want to binge watch Lord.

574
00:39:48.360 --> 00:39:49.080
So it's okay.

575
00:39:49.080 --> 00:39:53.520
If I just ask Google, what happens at the end of this, this series?

576
00:39:55.120 --> 00:39:56.560
And yeah, I'll read the last chapter of the book.

577
00:39:56.560 --> 00:40:00.040
Y'all I was always the girl that read the last.

578
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.160
page of the book. And I don't know about you, but I feel like I'd read the last page. And I'm like,

579
00:40:04.160 --> 00:40:09.600
none of that made any sense. Because I didn't have all the other in between stuff. And I'm like,

580
00:40:09.600 --> 00:40:16.320
wait, what did I miss here? Like, it's just not life. You can't just fast forward and not live

581
00:40:16.320 --> 00:40:22.640
all of those middle parts. And then the ending makes sense. Like, sometimes it's those middle

582
00:40:22.640 --> 00:40:34.400
parts that we do that make a lot of sense. So yeah, that's that. So we want to stay curious

583
00:40:34.400 --> 00:40:40.800
while gathering information. That's the goal. Instead of being anxious, we adjust the pacing.

584
00:40:40.800 --> 00:40:48.160
Instead of rushing, we want to remain curious while we just gather information. Now, avoid

585
00:40:48.240 --> 00:40:54.560
an attachment. It's going to sound like, well, I need distance. This feels vulnerable. You know,

586
00:40:54.560 --> 00:40:59.840
what if I get hurt? What if they hurt me? You know, maybe this isn't right. What if I choose wrong?

587
00:41:00.640 --> 00:41:07.920
What if I'm not hearing God correctly? You know, this feels off. That's that avoidant. Like,

588
00:41:07.920 --> 00:41:13.600
we have this temptation that we just want to shut down before we have enough information at all.

589
00:41:14.080 --> 00:41:18.160
Okay. Healthy pacing is telling us we don't have to run. We can stay curious long enough

590
00:41:18.160 --> 00:41:27.200
to gather information. Okay. And now I want to just touch on discovery dating is not wasting time

591
00:41:27.920 --> 00:41:35.040
because this one's important because many of us will treat unknowingly level one and two.

592
00:41:36.000 --> 00:41:42.400
If this doesn't become a relationship that I want, then that relationship is not going to be

593
00:41:42.960 --> 00:41:55.280
then this was a waste. I want to challenge you write this down. What if you reframe it

594
00:41:56.640 --> 00:42:03.600
and ask yourself or shape it as discovery is not actually wasted.

595
00:42:04.560 --> 00:42:06.560
Discovery dating is not wasted.

596
00:42:09.360 --> 00:42:15.760
So a date that doesn't become a relationship right away or a courtship,

597
00:42:18.960 --> 00:42:27.200
does that mean it's a failure? Yeah. Teresa's saying, no, it doesn't. So what if we looked

598
00:42:27.360 --> 00:42:32.240
at that and said, okay, I went on, you know, a couple of dates with this person

599
00:42:33.520 --> 00:42:40.800
and it was discovery dating. I was level two. The outcome didn't turn out the way that I had hoped

600
00:42:41.680 --> 00:42:47.200
or what I would have desired. What I, what, what the promise that I'm hoping for,

601
00:42:48.640 --> 00:42:55.360
for God to deliver, but it nest, it doesn't turn out the way that I had hoped.

602
00:42:56.000 --> 00:43:00.960
It nest, it doesn't mean that because it didn't work out that it wasn't actually a failure.

603
00:43:01.680 --> 00:43:09.520
Like, what if I look at that and say, you know what, that time that I spent getting to know that

604
00:43:09.520 --> 00:43:18.000
person actually gave me a little more clarity that otherwise I would have never experienced

605
00:43:18.000 --> 00:43:27.120
because I couldn't experience that stuff alone by myself. So some things that you might learn

606
00:43:29.840 --> 00:43:39.760
in those dates needed to happen and their purpose was simply just to learn,

607
00:43:40.720 --> 00:43:49.360
not to get the outcome promise of a relationship that's going to unfold into marriage.

608
00:43:50.720 --> 00:44:00.480
So you might learn, wow, I rush emotional intimacy. You might learn that because you're

609
00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:04.400
sitting discovering and learning a little bit more and you recognize these patterns

610
00:44:05.280 --> 00:44:12.480
or, you know, over time I'm learning that, you know, yeah, I definitely like the feeling of

611
00:44:12.480 --> 00:44:25.200
chemistry, but in fact, I prefer consistency over chemistry. Someone consistently showing up

612
00:44:25.840 --> 00:44:29.680
means more to me than the sparks always being there.

613
00:44:29.760 --> 00:44:33.040
One thing that I recognized in my discovery dating was,

614
00:44:35.040 --> 00:44:40.080
I don't ignore flags anymore. I don't ignore the yellow flags anymore.

615
00:44:42.640 --> 00:44:48.240
Like, that was like a big deal for me, y'all. I would go on dates and be like,

616
00:44:49.920 --> 00:44:55.920
wow, that, that's kind of a yellow flag. I don't, I don't know if I like that and I'd spend time and

617
00:44:55.920 --> 00:44:59.680
and I'd spend time and be curious about it.

618
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.120
And I could sit there and be like, wow,

619
00:45:04.120 --> 00:45:07.160
before all of this heartwork stuff,

620
00:45:07.160 --> 00:45:10.280
I would have completely ignored the yellow flag

621
00:45:10.280 --> 00:45:16.080
because I was more focused on the outcome than the process.

622
00:45:16.080 --> 00:45:18.920
And so for me, that was always a win.

623
00:45:18.920 --> 00:45:26.880
I learned that I could stay open without attaching right away.

624
00:45:26.880 --> 00:45:33.360
If you have a conversation with my husband ever or Jackie,

625
00:45:33.360 --> 00:45:36.640
the first three weeks of my husband and I

626
00:45:36.640 --> 00:45:41.160
getting to know each other had a lot of me

627
00:45:41.160 --> 00:45:46.600
just needing to be talked off the ledge.

628
00:45:46.600 --> 00:45:50.280
I just was not sure I wanted to stay open.

629
00:45:50.280 --> 00:45:52.280
I was just, I mean, I didn't.

630
00:45:52.280 --> 00:45:59.120
I was ready to hit, go out the back.

631
00:45:59.120 --> 00:46:02.360
Nope, this feels too real.

632
00:46:02.360 --> 00:46:04.640
This seems a little bit vulnerable.

633
00:46:04.640 --> 00:46:05.120
I don't know.

634
00:46:05.120 --> 00:46:07.880
This guy seems more intentional than anybody else.

635
00:46:07.880 --> 00:46:09.520
There must be something wrong with him.

636
00:46:12.360 --> 00:46:13.920
I was ready to cut and run.

637
00:46:14.600 --> 00:46:21.800
I was very hot and cold in the very beginning with my husband.

638
00:46:21.800 --> 00:46:24.920
Like, God, I don't know why.

639
00:46:24.920 --> 00:46:30.120
I mean, I still am like, why did you scrounge?

640
00:46:30.120 --> 00:46:35.600
But it was when we met in person that he was just like,

641
00:46:35.600 --> 00:46:37.960
I just knew there was something with you.

642
00:46:37.960 --> 00:46:41.120
And I'm like, OK.

643
00:46:41.320 --> 00:46:43.920
I was still pretty like, eh, dude.

644
00:46:46.920 --> 00:46:49.920
So those are all things that I got to learn.

645
00:46:49.920 --> 00:46:55.280
I got to learn what safe and alignment felt like.

646
00:46:55.280 --> 00:46:57.720
Because I had never really experienced that before,

647
00:46:57.720 --> 00:47:00.560
so it was different.

648
00:47:00.560 --> 00:47:04.160
I would have never experienced any of that

649
00:47:04.680 --> 00:47:10.520
had I not had the opportunity to do discovery dating

650
00:47:10.520 --> 00:47:16.440
and had the opportunity for some of those discovery dates,

651
00:47:16.440 --> 00:47:19.920
well, all of those but one, not work out.

652
00:47:22.520 --> 00:47:27.760
Like, it's what prepared me.

653
00:47:27.760 --> 00:47:30.160
I'm not sure what you're wanting me to repeat.

654
00:47:31.040 --> 00:47:34.720
I'm not sure what you're wanting me to repeat.

655
00:47:34.720 --> 00:47:38.560
Like, I just discovered what safe and alignment looked like,

656
00:47:38.560 --> 00:47:44.080
where before, I didn't experience that before.

657
00:47:44.080 --> 00:47:51.160
Like, I had no idea what that would even feel like.

658
00:47:51.160 --> 00:47:57.720
So, and I wouldn't have learned that by myself.

659
00:47:58.000 --> 00:48:01.040
Sometimes God is using those datings

660
00:48:01.040 --> 00:48:02.440
for revealings for healings.

661
00:48:02.440 --> 00:48:05.040
And you'll hear me share that often.

662
00:48:05.040 --> 00:48:07.720
And he's not doing it, he's not punishing you.

663
00:48:07.720 --> 00:48:11.560
He's not trying to waste your time.

664
00:48:11.560 --> 00:48:13.320
It really is to reveal growth.

665
00:48:13.320 --> 00:48:15.760
And you'll hear Jackie say,

666
00:48:15.760 --> 00:48:17.400
if you've been hurt in a relationship,

667
00:48:17.400 --> 00:48:18.840
you're going to be healed in a relationship.

668
00:48:18.840 --> 00:48:27.240
And there is, like, I can share, like, that's a true statement.

669
00:48:27.240 --> 00:48:31.800
There's areas where I've been hurt in a relationship

670
00:48:31.800 --> 00:48:40.280
that God has used in a new relationship to show me healing.

671
00:48:40.280 --> 00:48:45.840
And it's not always easy, but it is worth it.

672
00:48:45.840 --> 00:48:48.360
And, you know, sometimes the whole point

673
00:48:48.360 --> 00:48:50.920
is the discovery process.

674
00:48:50.920 --> 00:48:55.240
Like, like I said, a handful of my dates,

675
00:48:55.240 --> 00:49:00.120
all 99% of them before my husband,

676
00:49:00.120 --> 00:49:02.800
there was a purpose for them.

677
00:49:02.800 --> 00:49:04.960
It was for discovery and it was for my healing.

678
00:49:04.960 --> 00:49:08.760
It was for me to learn and grow.

679
00:49:08.760 --> 00:49:11.040
I would love to say that I learned and grew

680
00:49:11.040 --> 00:49:15.680
from every single one of those opportunities, but I didn't.

681
00:49:15.680 --> 00:49:19.040
That's just reality.

682
00:49:19.040 --> 00:49:22.120
I didn't necessarily learn and grow from all of them.

683
00:49:22.120 --> 00:49:26.200
I still carried some brokenness and some hurt,

684
00:49:26.200 --> 00:49:31.560
especially from those relationships prior to heartwork.

685
00:49:31.560 --> 00:49:36.240
I had a lot of healing to do there, but that was the purpose.

686
00:49:36.240 --> 00:49:38.600
I needed to, I needed to work on that.

687
00:49:38.600 --> 00:49:42.160
So I want to help shift you ladies,

688
00:49:42.160 --> 00:49:47.240
instead of this idea of this mindset and asking,

689
00:49:47.240 --> 00:49:52.400
did this produce what I wanted?

690
00:49:52.400 --> 00:49:59.280
Did the outcome actually unfold the way that I wanted it to?

691
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.000
Instead of asking that, what if we ask ourselves,

692
00:50:05.160 --> 00:50:06.640
what did I learn?

693
00:50:06.640 --> 00:50:09.200
What did this reveal?

694
00:50:09.200 --> 00:50:13.500
What new information did this give me?

695
00:50:16.880 --> 00:50:19.600
Because remember, it's level two, it's discovery dating.

696
00:50:19.600 --> 00:50:24.600
It's literally to gather information.

697
00:50:24.760 --> 00:50:27.680
Because believe it or not, clarity is progress.

698
00:50:30.840 --> 00:50:32.800
So then we have that level three.

699
00:50:32.800 --> 00:50:36.000
So men are gonna lead that conversation, okay?

700
00:50:36.880 --> 00:50:39.520
This is where both people are going to take

701
00:50:41.120 --> 00:50:44.480
and be intentional, okay?

702
00:50:44.480 --> 00:50:46.940
Because both people are deciding

703
00:50:46.940 --> 00:50:48.720
they wanna move forward together.

704
00:50:48.720 --> 00:50:50.760
And that's why we're gonna encourage,

705
00:50:50.760 --> 00:50:52.240
like men are the leaders,

706
00:50:52.240 --> 00:50:55.040
you're gonna want men to lead that, okay?

707
00:50:55.040 --> 00:50:58.980
And just because a man leads into an exclusive conversation,

708
00:51:00.560 --> 00:51:04.400
do not put the pressure on yourself to make a decision

709
00:51:04.400 --> 00:51:06.200
if you need more time.

710
00:51:07.240 --> 00:51:12.240
You can say, I'm flattered by that question.

711
00:51:13.920 --> 00:51:16.920
Can I have a little more time to think about it?

712
00:51:17.960 --> 00:51:21.200
If you're like me, I'm an external processor

713
00:51:21.200 --> 00:51:23.340
and I need a lot of time to process.

714
00:51:24.480 --> 00:51:28.100
So me being caught off guard last minute to make a decision,

715
00:51:29.100 --> 00:51:31.980
I'm typically just gonna people please

716
00:51:31.980 --> 00:51:33.700
and tell you what I think you wanna hear

717
00:51:33.700 --> 00:51:38.340
because I'm nervous about saying the right or wrong thing.

718
00:51:40.100 --> 00:51:44.540
And so it's just easier for me to just to say something

719
00:51:44.540 --> 00:51:47.600
because I wanna not be uncomfortable, right?

720
00:51:48.740 --> 00:51:53.460
And it's learning like, it's okay to say, I'm not sure yet.

721
00:51:54.900 --> 00:51:58.060
So just because someone asks you for exclusivity,

722
00:51:58.900 --> 00:52:00.700
does not mean you have to give an answer right away.

723
00:52:00.700 --> 00:52:05.700
Now, do I think you should let them like hang around

724
00:52:06.980 --> 00:52:09.740
a month or two before you actually decide?

725
00:52:09.740 --> 00:52:12.220
No, like, I don't think you should.

726
00:52:12.220 --> 00:52:13.300
I think you really do.

727
00:52:13.300 --> 00:52:16.660
Okay, this person really truly does want

728
00:52:16.660 --> 00:52:18.220
intentional commitment.

729
00:52:18.220 --> 00:52:20.980
Is that something that I'm ready for?

730
00:52:20.980 --> 00:52:23.920
Because now I need to see, are we in alignment?

731
00:52:23.920 --> 00:52:26.540
If you're not in alignment and you're still like,

732
00:52:26.540 --> 00:52:30.740
I still want to go and date other people

733
00:52:30.740 --> 00:52:32.620
and get to know other people

734
00:52:33.760 --> 00:52:36.340
and see where things are leading with maybe other people,

735
00:52:36.340 --> 00:52:37.760
then guess what?

736
00:52:37.760 --> 00:52:40.620
You're not in alignment with that person.

737
00:52:40.620 --> 00:52:43.420
And sometimes that person is maybe rushing

738
00:52:43.420 --> 00:52:47.700
because they're not in the best alignment either.

739
00:52:49.580 --> 00:52:53.500
So it really is like you get the opportunity to sit

740
00:52:53.500 --> 00:52:57.820
and say, hey, I need a little more time

741
00:52:57.820 --> 00:53:00.220
because I need a little bit more information

742
00:53:00.220 --> 00:53:01.840
before I make my decision.

743
00:53:03.800 --> 00:53:05.580
Ladies, there are men out there,

744
00:53:05.580 --> 00:53:06.500
I hear this all the time,

745
00:53:06.500 --> 00:53:08.780
they'll go out on one or two dates

746
00:53:08.780 --> 00:53:11.740
and they're like wanting to be exclusive right away.

747
00:53:13.180 --> 00:53:15.140
There are guys like that.

748
00:53:15.140 --> 00:53:16.440
My husband was like that.

749
00:53:17.280 --> 00:53:22.280
Like he was ready, like he didn't want to date anybody else.

750
00:53:25.720 --> 00:53:29.120
And I mean, talk about wanting to be like,

751
00:53:29.120 --> 00:53:30.800
whoa, slow the pace down.

752
00:53:32.240 --> 00:53:34.760
You know, especially someone who like gets anxious

753
00:53:34.760 --> 00:53:37.520
and avoidant, I'm like, whoa, you know,

754
00:53:37.520 --> 00:53:40.300
like where do I stand with this?

755
00:53:40.300 --> 00:53:44.640
Now I have this community and obviously in the time

756
00:53:44.640 --> 00:53:46.680
that I was getting to know him,

757
00:53:46.680 --> 00:53:48.960
I was coming in this community,

758
00:53:48.960 --> 00:53:51.200
sharing what was going on in my heart,

759
00:53:51.200 --> 00:53:54.000
what was God revealing, spending time in prayer,

760
00:53:56.040 --> 00:53:59.560
having Jackie pull me off so many ledges,

761
00:53:59.560 --> 00:54:01.960
and so that when that happened,

762
00:54:01.960 --> 00:54:04.080
there was a little like, whoa,

763
00:54:05.680 --> 00:54:09.720
but I had done the work that I was like,

764
00:54:09.720 --> 00:54:12.980
you know what, it's okay to move forward.

765
00:54:12.980 --> 00:54:15.620
And just because I said yes to exclusivity

766
00:54:15.620 --> 00:54:19.380
did not mean I was saying, yes, I'm going to marry you.

767
00:54:20.300 --> 00:54:22.060
I didn't have to say that either.

768
00:54:22.060 --> 00:54:24.180
So exclusivity doesn't mean like all of a sudden

769
00:54:24.180 --> 00:54:27.820
you are literally in covenant with that person.

770
00:54:29.060 --> 00:54:34.060
Like it's literally like it just becomes about one person.

771
00:54:37.300 --> 00:54:39.780
It's you're in exclusive relationships

772
00:54:39.780 --> 00:54:41.600
so that you can build a greater consistency

773
00:54:41.600 --> 00:54:43.160
with one another.

774
00:54:43.160 --> 00:54:46.260
There's more intentional emotional investment.

775
00:54:47.120 --> 00:54:51.560
You get to have now those future discernment conversations

776
00:54:51.560 --> 00:54:56.260
and you get to practice your communication

777
00:54:56.260 --> 00:54:57.240
to be more strong.

778
00:54:57.240 --> 00:54:59.820
Like do we have strong communication?

779
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:07.000
Exclusivity does not mean discernment is over.

780
00:55:07.000 --> 00:55:11.000
You are still learning in level three.

781
00:55:11.000 --> 00:55:17.000
Because this is where real information is going to start showing up.

782
00:55:17.000 --> 00:55:22.000
Y'all, when we first start dating people, we are going to show our best selves.

783
00:55:22.000 --> 00:55:24.000
I mean, let's be real.

784
00:55:24.000 --> 00:55:28.000
We like somebody, we don't want anybody to see some of our flaws.

785
00:55:28.000 --> 00:55:33.000
And you best believe those men don't want to show their flaws.

786
00:55:33.000 --> 00:55:35.000
And they have them too.

787
00:55:35.000 --> 00:55:40.000
Some of us have been involved in relationships that have a lot of flaws.

788
00:55:40.000 --> 00:55:42.000
Okay?

789
00:55:42.000 --> 00:55:50.000
And then sometimes, well, the infatuation can settle in that level three.

790
00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:54.000
That intensity, that like, oh, I just am so excited.

791
00:55:54.000 --> 00:56:01.000
Once you settle into that, that's going to sometimes kind of lessen a little bit.

792
00:56:01.000 --> 00:56:09.000
And so your emotions are not going to be driven so much by that intensity.

793
00:56:09.000 --> 00:56:14.000
Like, you're going to be able to sit back and be like, oh, wait, what is this?

794
00:56:14.000 --> 00:56:21.000
You're going to start seeing their personality, their real personality emerge.

795
00:56:21.000 --> 00:56:25.000
And your personality is going to start emerging.

796
00:56:25.000 --> 00:56:29.000
Some of your differences are going to start surfacing here.

797
00:56:29.000 --> 00:56:36.000
Believe it or not, ladies, in the Symbus course that my husband and I took before,

798
00:56:36.000 --> 00:56:44.000
I think we had something like 10 or 12 couples, including my husband and I.

799
00:56:44.000 --> 00:56:53.000
I think only three of three or four of the couples actually made it to marriage.

800
00:56:53.000 --> 00:57:01.000
And I do think one of those couples actually divorced.

801
00:57:01.000 --> 00:57:03.000
Yeah.

802
00:57:03.000 --> 00:57:07.000
So just because level three is exclusive does not necessarily mean

803
00:57:07.000 --> 00:57:11.000
that all of a sudden you get to shut your discernment off.

804
00:57:11.000 --> 00:57:13.000
There will be differences that will pop up.

805
00:57:13.000 --> 00:57:14.000
Guess what?

806
00:57:14.000 --> 00:57:17.000
You're a human being and there's another human being involved.

807
00:57:17.000 --> 00:57:20.000
You're not the same.

808
00:57:20.000 --> 00:57:22.000
There's differences.

809
00:57:22.000 --> 00:57:24.000
You will have disagreements.

810
00:57:24.000 --> 00:57:28.000
Quite frankly, that's typically when you start seeing some of the arguments happen.

811
00:57:28.000 --> 00:57:32.000
And then you're going to sit there and be able to discern, am I in alignment

812
00:57:32.000 --> 00:57:40.000
and how can we as two people work out and communicate our differences

813
00:57:40.000 --> 00:57:47.000
and still show up lovingly and respectfully and honorably?

814
00:57:47.000 --> 00:57:50.000
What does that look like?

815
00:57:50.000 --> 00:57:56.000
Because no marriage is without conflict.

816
00:57:56.000 --> 00:58:04.000
And those marriages where people are like, oh, we never fight, those scare me.

817
00:58:04.000 --> 00:58:05.000
Maybe they don't.

818
00:58:05.000 --> 00:58:11.000
Maybe they don't fight, but then I'm thinking that doesn't sound healthy either.

819
00:58:11.000 --> 00:58:14.000
That really doesn't.

820
00:58:14.000 --> 00:58:19.000
So conflict is actually where you're going to start maybe seeing character being revealed,

821
00:58:19.000 --> 00:58:22.000
not just in the other person but also yourself.

822
00:58:22.000 --> 00:58:29.000
And that actually might even surface some areas of healing in you.

823
00:58:29.000 --> 00:58:32.000
Yes, it's actually a program.

824
00:58:33.000 --> 00:58:39.000
Currently I think Bethany and Brian are the ones that lead that for last year's single.

825
00:58:39.000 --> 00:58:47.000
We have that available for our couples to join, to sign up for.

826
00:58:47.000 --> 00:58:52.000
And I know Brian and Bethany, they had to be certified.

827
00:58:52.000 --> 00:58:55.000
So it's a whole program for sure.

828
00:58:55.000 --> 00:58:57.000
It's really good.

829
00:58:57.000 --> 00:59:06.000
My husband and I, we still pull up our – you take a questionnaire.

830
00:59:06.000 --> 00:59:10.000
He takes one and you take the same one, but you take them separately.

831
00:59:10.000 --> 00:59:15.000
And then it gathers all this information and generates all this data.

832
00:59:15.000 --> 00:59:24.000
And it kind of highlights areas of things that you'll talk about, where you might have differences,

833
00:59:24.000 --> 00:59:29.000
where there may be possible conflict.

834
00:59:29.000 --> 00:59:35.000
And my husband and I, probably more so me, I will still sometimes pull it out and be like,

835
00:59:35.000 --> 00:59:38.000
oh, this makes sense.

836
00:59:38.000 --> 00:59:43.000
He sees me this way and I see him this way, and this is why we're kind of buttonheads.

837
00:59:43.000 --> 00:59:50.000
Same thing with what does he value, what's his mindset on finances versus what mine is.

838
00:59:50.000 --> 00:59:51.000
We have differences.

839
00:59:51.000 --> 00:59:53.000
What's our differences in raising kids?

840
00:59:53.000 --> 00:59:56.000
I mean, y'all, we have a blended family.

841
00:59:56.000 --> 00:59:57.000
He had two kids.

842
00:59:57.000 --> 00:59:58.000
I had one.

843
00:59:58.000 --> 00:59:59.000
We're blending them together.

844
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.580
men and women parent differently and I was a single mom that didn't have a lot

845
01:00:06.580 --> 01:00:13.420
of involvement from my son's biological father so that's been a real big

846
01:00:13.420 --> 01:00:21.700
learning curve for me because now I I have a partner that wants to have input

847
01:00:21.700 --> 01:00:26.860
and sometimes I don't want to hear his input so there's there's differences

848
01:00:26.860 --> 01:00:31.540
there those are all all good things and so again that that you know you're not

849
01:00:31.540 --> 01:00:37.120
always gonna get into that in that level three but it's where I want you to see

850
01:00:37.120 --> 01:00:43.500
that level three exclusivity is where that stuff will surface

851
01:00:43.500 --> 01:00:48.220
and it's okay and it doesn't like it's nothing to be scared about it's it's an

852
01:00:48.220 --> 01:00:53.460
area where you still get to have discernment gather information and you

853
01:00:53.460 --> 01:01:00.820
know you're gonna start seeing things more clearly okay and then that's when

854
01:01:00.820 --> 01:01:06.740
the two of you get to either align and come together and realize hey like we're

855
01:01:06.740 --> 01:01:11.020
working we're working through this and this is an alignment that's going to

856
01:01:11.020 --> 01:01:15.620
lead towards engagement marriage or you know what I learned something along the

857
01:01:15.620 --> 01:01:22.140
way and we part ways you guys I don't like if you've watched some of our

858
01:01:22.540 --> 01:01:32.380
recordings Renee is one of our coaches she coaches often in our phase three she

859
01:01:32.380 --> 01:01:38.140
used to coach with me here in phase two she was in the program for for a number

860
01:01:38.140 --> 01:01:45.180
of years single she had a lot of and I'm sure she won't mind me sharing this

861
01:01:45.180 --> 01:01:50.140
because I think she shares this openly in the community she dated you know a

862
01:01:50.140 --> 01:01:55.820
handful of guys over the course of being in this community she went through

863
01:01:55.820 --> 01:02:01.780
this embass with I do believe one person in particular and they learned that they

864
01:02:01.780 --> 01:02:07.020
just weren't compatible and she ended like they ended it they

865
01:02:07.020 --> 01:02:12.500
separated so she has been through the process of being in exclusive

866
01:02:12.500 --> 01:02:17.220
relationships and discerning that okay this isn't leading to marriage and

867
01:02:17.220 --> 01:02:23.300
ending things and y'all she's married now

868
01:02:23.580 --> 01:02:28.900
like I just saw her in October at the five-year anniversary party and she had

869
01:02:28.900 --> 01:02:34.980
just recently got married like I remember the time that like she was like

870
01:02:34.980 --> 01:02:44.740
I just need a break like she'd been in the program for a very long time she was

871
01:02:44.740 --> 01:02:52.300
one of those women that was very involved helping out coaching single

872
01:02:52.300 --> 01:02:56.380
seeing everybody else get their love story and it wasn't happening for her

873
01:02:56.380 --> 01:03:09.540
and y'all she has the most powerful testimony in this community because she

874
01:03:09.620 --> 01:03:17.740
she received the grace in that process of dating for that discovery and

875
01:03:17.740 --> 01:03:22.660
learning what's in alignment and what's not and so that's really really helpful

876
01:03:22.660 --> 01:03:25.620
I'm gonna go ahead and stop there because I want to leave time for

877
01:03:25.620 --> 01:03:33.060
questions I can always share like the expectations of level two versus the

878
01:03:33.060 --> 01:03:38.940
expectations of level three I can share that in the in the app and just kind of

879
01:03:38.940 --> 01:03:44.300
some you know reflective questions to be thinking about and asking yourself I

880
01:03:44.300 --> 01:03:53.420
can share those in the app as well but I really do hope that this has given you a

881
01:03:53.420 --> 01:03:59.820
better understanding of the differences between those two levels and also like

882
01:03:59.820 --> 01:04:13.460
giving you the the pass the free pass of hey like it's okay if I've been

883
01:04:13.460 --> 01:04:21.340
operating a level two relationship at a level three expectation but now I get to

884
01:04:21.340 --> 01:04:32.420
learn from it like I share this because I was the girl in this community that

885
01:04:32.420 --> 01:04:40.460
was often operating at a level three in a level one and level two and I see that

886
01:04:40.460 --> 01:04:45.620
frequently and a lot of the things that y'all post it's that you know desire for

887
01:04:45.620 --> 01:04:52.740
certainty or the fear of being vulnerable and you know I want to remind

888
01:04:52.740 --> 01:04:56.780
you like that pressure gets to be removed like you get to take that off

889
01:04:56.780 --> 01:05:01.900
your shoulders like this dating

890
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:09.940
process is that it's a process it is there's nothing perfect there's no right

891
01:05:09.940 --> 01:05:13.820
or wrong you know everyone was like well I want to make sure I'm doing this right

892
01:05:13.820 --> 01:05:18.780
and I get that cuz I'm a rule follower like just give me give me give me the

893
01:05:18.780 --> 01:05:23.820
checklist that I need to follow to get the outcome that I want I'll follow

894
01:05:23.820 --> 01:05:30.980
whatever you tell me to do I'm a good student I'm a good citizen I will follow

895
01:05:30.980 --> 01:05:39.300
the rules and if we lived in a perfect world that would work we don't and so I

896
01:05:39.300 --> 01:05:43.620
get that I'm like I just give me give me all the to do's the do's and the don'ts

897
01:05:43.620 --> 01:05:48.620
and if I follow it then I just put it in a little little box and it generates

898
01:05:48.620 --> 01:05:54.940
exactly what I want um so that was me but you will often hear us say guess

899
01:05:54.940 --> 01:06:02.620
what yes rules are suggestions these are just guardrails because a lot of you

900
01:06:02.620 --> 01:06:06.940
won't like some of my if I sat there and told you all these rules you there's

901
01:06:06.940 --> 01:06:14.140
some resistance that I'll get y'all the big one is I strongly encourage no

902
01:06:14.140 --> 01:06:18.380
physical contact with anybody until you're an exclusive relationship which

903
01:06:18.380 --> 01:06:25.900
I mean there's no no hugging and kissing until that man has asked you to

904
01:06:25.900 --> 01:06:32.660
exclusively date him and only him then that there's no kissing on a first date

905
01:06:32.660 --> 01:06:40.340
or kissing on a discovery date like I look I say that doesn't mean I always

906
01:06:40.340 --> 01:06:46.940
followed it before heart work I never followed that I loved kissing I'll be

907
01:06:46.940 --> 01:06:54.340
honest but I knew that was a weakness for me and so as soon as I started the

908
01:06:54.340 --> 01:07:01.860
kissing there was connection and then I'd operate at level 3 level 4 and it

909
01:07:01.860 --> 01:07:09.580
was a level 1 or 11 level 2 so for me to guard my heart I was like nope not gonna

910
01:07:09.580 --> 01:07:14.700
do it you know I told my husband first date he asked me can I kiss you and I was

911
01:07:14.700 --> 01:07:20.460
like nope I don't think he was expecting that but I said no anyway even

912
01:07:20.460 --> 01:07:25.660
though I was like man part of me just hasn't been kissed in a really long time

913
01:07:25.660 --> 01:07:34.420
and I would really like to get kissed but at least for a strong fun story for

914
01:07:34.420 --> 01:07:41.740
sure so yes no hugging or kissing that's that's again that it's a guardrail you

915
01:07:41.740 --> 01:07:46.660
get to decide if that works for you I will tell you from experience of

916
01:07:46.660 --> 01:07:55.620
coaching and myself included and being in this community with other women that

917
01:07:55.620 --> 01:08:02.020
a lot of chaos and confusion happened when the kissing happened in level 2 and

918
01:08:02.020 --> 01:08:06.500
level 1 hugging it's like you can have like the

919
01:08:06.500 --> 01:08:11.060
friendly hug or the side hug but I mean when I'm talking about hugging I'm

920
01:08:11.060 --> 01:08:18.540
talking about like I'm hugging you and I'm lingering I'm staying there like I'm

921
01:08:18.540 --> 01:08:28.899
hugging you like I'm getting close okay like a quick little hug like I'm not

922
01:08:28.899 --> 01:08:35.060
talking about that I'm talking about a hug like oh I can't kiss you but I can

923
01:08:35.060 --> 01:08:41.420
get close and snuggle with you and ladies be and here's the thing and men

924
01:08:41.420 --> 01:08:46.300
are gonna sit there and say and even women do this too well I just need to

925
01:08:46.300 --> 01:08:52.500
know I'm physically compatible before I decide whether or not I want to be in a

926
01:08:52.500 --> 01:08:59.220
relationship with somebody because that's important which yes it is but

927
01:08:59.220 --> 01:09:04.220
there's other things that are important to establish first before you introduce

928
01:09:04.220 --> 01:09:14.380
that physical stuff okay all right hit me with your questions Joanne how are

929
01:09:14.380 --> 01:09:22.500
you I see your hand pop up I got Tiffany don't be shy ladies how are you good

930
01:09:22.500 --> 01:09:27.540
it's a little awkward cuz I joined the book club and I'm actually talking to a

931
01:09:27.540 --> 01:09:33.020
guy who's in the book club so I'm like I need to ask this question oh yeah you

932
01:09:33.020 --> 01:09:37.700
can ask it here yes definitely ask it here I didn't know men were invited into

933
01:09:37.700 --> 01:09:41.740
that book club which I guess I didn't realize that yeah why wouldn't we have

934
01:09:41.740 --> 01:09:46.220
it's actually he was the one who told me Joanne you know the book club is

935
01:09:46.220 --> 01:09:51.540
happening I'm like oh yeah that's right so I was like oh it'd be so weird if he

936
01:09:51.540 --> 01:09:54.500
was on the call and then asked a question and because I'm talking to two

937
01:09:54.500 --> 01:09:58.700
guys right one of them is him and I want to ask a question about this other guy

938
01:09:58.700 --> 01:10:02.140
I'm talking to so I'm like

939
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:01.600
Oh, how do I do this?

940
01:10:01.600 --> 01:10:02.240
That's good.

941
01:10:02.240 --> 01:10:02.740
Yeah.

942
01:10:02.740 --> 01:10:06.240
Ladies, definitely keep those conversations, like definitely

943
01:10:06.240 --> 01:10:09.320
shoot them over here and we got you.

944
01:10:09.440 --> 01:10:09.940
Okay.

945
01:10:11.480 --> 01:10:11.720
Yeah.

946
01:10:11.720 --> 01:10:13.560
We don't want to add any of that confusion.

947
01:10:13.640 --> 01:10:14.140
Yeah.

948
01:10:14.880 --> 01:10:15.200
Yeah.

949
01:10:15.200 --> 01:10:18.160
If you're dating guys that are, you know, familiar with Jackie or in our

950
01:10:18.160 --> 01:10:24.240
community, because that will happen, you know, um, yeah, I, when I, I dated a few

951
01:10:24.240 --> 01:10:28.680
guys from this community and I just even never shared their name.

952
01:10:30.000 --> 01:10:34.520
Because that got awkward, not even with the men, but even with the ladies.

953
01:10:34.560 --> 01:10:34.800
Yeah.

954
01:10:34.800 --> 01:10:35.160
I did.

955
01:10:35.200 --> 01:10:35.320
Yeah.

956
01:10:35.320 --> 01:10:36.240
I'm doing the same.

957
01:10:36.400 --> 01:10:38.680
It's like, all right.

958
01:10:38.680 --> 01:10:39.400
What's your question?

959
01:10:39.720 --> 01:10:40.120
Okay.

960
01:10:40.120 --> 01:10:45.160
So my question is, I was bold.

961
01:10:45.200 --> 01:10:45.400
Okay.

962
01:10:45.400 --> 01:10:46.360
This is the context.

963
01:10:46.440 --> 01:10:51.520
Um, I was bold and sort of like drop the hinky on a friend of

964
01:10:51.520 --> 01:10:53.360
mine, like a few weeks ago.

965
01:10:53.440 --> 01:10:58.440
And, um, it was supposed to be just a coffee and then he upgraded it to dinner.

966
01:10:58.680 --> 01:11:04.400
And then we've been like hanging out since, uh, for just a couple of weeks.

967
01:11:04.440 --> 01:11:08.760
And so he's, I really like him.

968
01:11:08.960 --> 01:11:12.480
Like after I hang out with him, I feel so much peace.

969
01:11:12.480 --> 01:11:13.800
I feel very happy.

970
01:11:14.360 --> 01:11:21.280
Um, but he's like 34 and I'm 46 and he doesn't care about my age.

971
01:11:21.280 --> 01:11:22.440
He's like, that's fine.

972
01:11:22.760 --> 01:11:23.160
Okay.

973
01:11:23.160 --> 01:11:25.960
You know, he's not worried about the whole kids thing.

974
01:11:25.960 --> 01:11:27.200
And I was like, praise the Lord.

975
01:11:27.800 --> 01:11:35.360
Um, but like, I'm kind of discerning his readiness and like, how can I tell

976
01:11:35.400 --> 01:11:39.120
if we're in the same alignment?

977
01:11:39.120 --> 01:11:42.640
Like Ebony was like, you should ask him what's his timeline.

978
01:11:42.640 --> 01:11:44.640
So I did ask him like just recently.

979
01:11:44.880 --> 01:11:50.840
And he said, well, I don't know, like if I'll be ready in a year or two, because

980
01:11:50.840 --> 01:11:55.400
he just got sober two and a half years ago and he's a manager of like this man

981
01:11:55.440 --> 01:11:57.560
men's home, like he's the house manager.

982
01:11:57.560 --> 01:12:01.440
So he wants to, he's, he's in a place of rebuilding his life.

983
01:12:01.440 --> 01:12:01.960
Right.

984
01:12:02.320 --> 01:12:07.520
Um, and I, you know, I'm a place where I've been single pretty much all my life.

985
01:12:07.520 --> 01:12:09.080
I'm like ready to settle down.

986
01:12:09.720 --> 01:12:15.080
So he, it's not his plan, but he's like, well, I'm open.

987
01:12:15.160 --> 01:12:20.800
And you know, if God has other plans for, you know, like, like things

988
01:12:21.000 --> 01:12:26.240
happen with the right person, he's not like stuck at that home and doing what he

989
01:12:26.240 --> 01:12:32.120
needs to, it's just, he's, I think half of it is financial because, you know, he

990
01:12:32.120 --> 01:12:37.320
just wasn't living God's lifestyle, doing whatever, and now he's rebuilding capital,

991
01:12:37.320 --> 01:12:37.600
right.

992
01:12:37.600 --> 01:12:39.280
To be able to have a family and kids.

993
01:12:40.200 --> 01:12:44.920
So I'm just kind of like wondering, like, how can I tell if he's like ready?

994
01:12:45.080 --> 01:12:48.800
And, um, he's very different than all the guys I've dated.

995
01:12:49.360 --> 01:12:54.640
Like I'm used to dating guys that are more intense, um, in terms of like very

996
01:12:54.640 --> 01:12:59.400
intentional on telling me he, they, they like me, they want to be exclusive, how

997
01:12:59.400 --> 01:13:01.640
beautiful I am, want to talk to me a lot.

998
01:13:01.960 --> 01:13:08.280
Whereas Matthew is like, so chill, like everything happens so organically with

999
01:13:08.280 --> 01:13:08.600
him.

1000
01:13:09.120 --> 01:13:12.080
It's like, I already have him cause we have mutual friends.

1001
01:13:12.080 --> 01:13:15.760
He's helping me with like light bulbs and my bench.

1002
01:13:15.760 --> 01:13:18.320
And then it's just natural that I'm like, Oh, I have food here.

1003
01:13:18.320 --> 01:13:20.080
I could just, you know, share with you.

1004
01:13:20.080 --> 01:13:22.040
And then we're like, Oh, I want to play pickleball.

1005
01:13:22.040 --> 01:13:25.040
And it's not like he's like, twin, when are you free?

1006
01:13:25.040 --> 01:13:26.080
I'd like to take you out.

1007
01:13:26.080 --> 01:13:26.640
You know what I mean?

1008
01:13:26.640 --> 01:13:29.320
It's like very much, Oh, you like play?

1009
01:13:29.360 --> 01:13:30.480
Let's do that Tuesday.

1010
01:13:30.480 --> 01:13:33.000
Or it's just so chill.

1011
01:13:33.000 --> 01:13:38.400
So I don't know how intentional he really is, but he always pays for everything.

1012
01:13:39.000 --> 01:13:40.320
And he's such a gentleman.

1013
01:13:40.320 --> 01:13:42.240
He helps me with so many things, right?

1014
01:13:42.240 --> 01:13:44.760
Just even like, I don't know.

1015
01:13:45.080 --> 01:13:49.080
It just feels like stuff that boyfriend girlfriends would do, but because we're

1016
01:13:49.080 --> 01:13:51.880
already friends and I just feel so comfortable.

1017
01:13:52.280 --> 01:13:58.440
I just, it's just like, I don't know how to figure out his intentionality and his

1018
01:13:58.440 --> 01:14:03.160
readiness, but I feel so peaceful with him, which I never feel with him.

1019
01:14:03.200 --> 01:14:05.120
I just don't feel that way with people.

1020
01:14:05.280 --> 01:14:07.240
So how many dates have you guys gone on?

1021
01:14:08.320 --> 01:14:14.680
Uh, we've gone on like two official ones, but the other two were like

1022
01:14:14.680 --> 01:14:18.160
one time he just came over to help me with my bench yesterday.

1023
01:14:18.240 --> 01:14:22.520
I took him to my friend's Memorial party and we just hung out with my friends.

1024
01:14:22.800 --> 01:14:25.960
So it's like two one-on-ones and two like other.

1025
01:14:26.440 --> 01:14:30.760
So when did the first, like, when did the hanky drop happen?

1026
01:14:31.600 --> 01:14:35.200
Oh, it happened like the big, very beginning of may.

1027
01:14:35.200 --> 01:14:36.520
So maybe like, okay.

1028
01:14:36.520 --> 01:14:38.160
So this is about a month.

1029
01:14:39.320 --> 01:14:39.600
Yeah.

1030
01:14:39.640 --> 01:14:41.120
Like three weeks or something.

1031
01:14:41.160 --> 01:14:41.440
Okay.

1032
01:14:41.440 --> 01:14:42.640
So about, yeah, three weeks.

1033
01:14:42.640 --> 01:14:43.560
We'll say three weeks.

1034
01:14:43.640 --> 01:14:43.920
Okay.

1035
01:14:43.920 --> 01:14:48.400
So yeah, you're still in that, that level two stage, right?

1036
01:14:48.440 --> 01:14:48.840
Yeah.

1037
01:14:49.280 --> 01:14:51.280
So this is, this is good practice.

1038
01:14:51.280 --> 01:14:56.360
So, um, I'm hearing you're enjoying it.

1039
01:14:56.920 --> 01:14:57.560
I do.

1040
01:14:57.560 --> 01:14:59.920
It's like the first time I really enjoyed dating.

1041
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:06.040
And so that this is again, this is where you get to gather and collect information

1042
01:15:06.700 --> 01:15:12.020
Okay, you you did prompt the timeline. He's like I

1043
01:15:12.940 --> 01:15:19.340
Don't think I'm going to get married in a year or two, but we'll see where God takes it

1044
01:15:19.500 --> 01:15:25.160
So I mean that might not be the answer that we want to hear but it was an honest answer

1045
01:15:25.160 --> 01:15:29.920
You now get to gather information is how does he show up?

1046
01:15:31.040 --> 01:15:35.440
Can you remove the comparison on how?

1047
01:15:38.040 --> 01:15:44.440
He might show up with intentionality might look different than what other men might have showed up with intentionality in the past

1048
01:15:46.720 --> 01:15:51.320
Yeah, which I feel like he's so readily available to pick me up drop off

1049
01:15:51.640 --> 01:15:53.640
Pick me up drop off

1050
01:15:53.760 --> 01:15:56.320
Pick up the bench. Just you know do all these

1051
01:15:57.080 --> 01:15:58.320
things

1052
01:15:58.320 --> 01:16:05.560
So yeah, I like have you started kind of this is one thing that I know Bethany did

1053
01:16:05.560 --> 01:16:11.600
I think Aaron joy another coach in phase three has done many women I hear talk about doing this

1054
01:16:11.720 --> 01:16:14.520
Especially if they're dating more than one person

1055
01:16:15.160 --> 01:16:18.920
They start writing a list of like information

1056
01:16:19.640 --> 01:16:21.640
What do I like

1057
01:16:22.000 --> 01:16:24.000
What do I want to learn more about?

1058
01:16:25.320 --> 01:16:30.240
And so when you're sitting there and you get to kind of visually see

1059
01:16:31.000 --> 01:16:35.840
Okay, these are all the positive. These are all the green flags that I'm seeing

1060
01:16:36.520 --> 01:16:42.360
these are things that are yellow because the yellow flag is are we on

1061
01:16:43.000 --> 01:16:48.720
the same page as far as pacing and what we want for our future and

1062
01:16:49.560 --> 01:16:51.560
You want to be in alignment for that?

1063
01:16:51.800 --> 01:16:56.600
But this is still so fresh and new in three weeks of getting to know each other

1064
01:16:57.040 --> 01:17:01.840
That that's not gonna show up until you've spent more time

1065
01:17:03.280 --> 01:17:08.120
seeing how they show up and asking more curious questions and

1066
01:17:09.480 --> 01:17:12.480
You get to see what their actions and their behaviors

1067
01:17:13.320 --> 01:17:18.920
Because we can we can always like we can ask a question and we can receive an answer

1068
01:17:19.440 --> 01:17:21.440
But those answers are just words

1069
01:17:22.480 --> 01:17:24.720
it's the actions and

1070
01:17:25.640 --> 01:17:27.640
the behaviors of someone

1071
01:17:28.440 --> 01:17:34.080
That's going to show us the proof of whether or not what they said is what they mean

1072
01:17:36.560 --> 01:17:42.000
Yeah, it totally makes sense it's just I noticed Matthew doesn't really ask me these like deep

1073
01:17:43.320 --> 01:17:47.400
questions related to marriage whereas well because you're in level two

1074
01:17:48.160 --> 01:17:50.160
Do you see that like?

1075
01:17:50.240 --> 01:17:53.480
That let like deep questions for marriage. Guess what?

1076
01:17:54.800 --> 01:17:57.120
Those are for level three

1077
01:17:57.920 --> 01:18:00.800
Exclusive relationships. That's when you're gonna because at this point

1078
01:18:01.520 --> 01:18:06.800
You're asking those questions and you're having those conversations with just one person

1079
01:18:07.600 --> 01:18:09.600
if you all haven't established that

1080
01:18:10.600 --> 01:18:14.760
You want to only focus on one person

1081
01:18:16.240 --> 01:18:17.440
Then

1082
01:18:17.440 --> 01:18:22.640
Why do we want to open that door and share intimate things?

1083
01:18:23.360 --> 01:18:25.360
with someone that

1084
01:18:25.600 --> 01:18:29.400
We might decide that we don't even want exclusivity with

1085
01:18:30.520 --> 01:18:36.320
Okay, so it's not I was just like thinking if he's not asking a lot of like get to know me

1086
01:18:36.320 --> 01:18:43.720
Well, he is he's asking more like the appropriate questions like Oh family, what'd you do today like church stuff, right?

1087
01:18:43.720 --> 01:18:47.480
It's not like how many kids do you want? You know and like any yeah

1088
01:18:48.520 --> 01:18:54.120
Yeah, and ladies. I will say a lot of times. I don't there are some there are men out there that they don't

1089
01:18:54.880 --> 01:18:56.760
That's not how

1090
01:18:56.760 --> 01:19:03.640
They engage in a relationship. They don't ask a lot of those questions. Some of them will but there are some men that won't and

1091
01:19:04.480 --> 01:19:10.240
That's okay, but this is where I this is where I want you practicing and I don't like I said

1092
01:19:10.240 --> 01:19:12.240
I'll post some of this in the app and

1093
01:19:12.920 --> 01:19:15.720
for you to kind of sit with and

1094
01:19:16.440 --> 01:19:20.800
reflect on the level two versus level three and

1095
01:19:21.440 --> 01:19:23.640
Being able to kind of reflect on

1096
01:19:24.480 --> 01:19:27.800
Where you're emotionally operating in okay?

1097
01:19:28.760 --> 01:19:30.760
Which there's nothing wrong with like

1098
01:19:31.200 --> 01:19:36.680
Being curious and I mean you like him you want to see where it's like does he like you back?

1099
01:19:36.680 --> 01:19:40.200
Is this the potential like we're good. We're allowed to be excited about that

1100
01:19:41.480 --> 01:19:43.480
right

1101
01:19:43.720 --> 01:19:45.480
But

1102
01:19:45.480 --> 01:19:48.320
What is there a fear there?

1103
01:19:50.080 --> 01:19:51.480
That you

1104
01:19:51.480 --> 01:19:57.560
Spend so much time and that maybe it doesn't work out that way. Is that what is there a fear?

1105
01:19:57.800 --> 01:20:00.560
Yeah, I think I have

1106
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.760
like, um, I get hard on myself because sometimes I have a gift of discernment

1107
01:20:04.760 --> 01:20:10.040
too. And sometimes, so, so I don't know if like, I was discerning correctly

1108
01:20:10.040 --> 01:20:14.520
from the beginning. Cause my main hesitation with Matthew is the

1109
01:20:14.520 --> 01:20:20.280
readiness. That's it. Like his ability, is he mature enough to be in a place

1110
01:20:20.280 --> 01:20:25.760
to, you know, be married and have kids? Cause he just rebuilt his life. I

1111
01:20:25.760 --> 01:20:30.080
mean, I love hanging out with him. I have no, usually when I hang out with

1112
01:20:30.080 --> 01:20:34.000
other men, I analyze a lot and I get like very anxious and, uh, you know,

1113
01:20:34.040 --> 01:20:38.560
anxious attachment, like tends to be my thing. And, but with him, I feel so

1114
01:20:38.560 --> 01:20:42.920
much peace. I don't even think about it. I'm just like, oh, hi. It's so easy

1115
01:20:42.920 --> 01:20:48.000
with him. So I think like my, yeah, my fear is that I would just, I knew, oh

1116
01:20:48.000 --> 01:20:51.640
yeah, he was too much younger. I kind of had this feeling anyways. Why did I

1117
01:20:51.640 --> 01:20:55.240
spend all this time with him? And I would just, you know, what you said,

1118
01:20:55.240 --> 01:20:58.920
like the wasting and it's like, what's the point? Because I'm 46. I'm like,

1119
01:20:58.920 --> 01:21:03.880
dude, I don't want to make those same mistakes. I don't want to, you know,

1120
01:21:04.120 --> 01:21:08.640
invest in something that's not going somewhere when this person's already

1121
01:21:08.640 --> 01:21:10.680
saying he made, you know what I mean? So I don't.

1122
01:21:10.680 --> 01:21:15.000
And that's valid. And that is so valid. Yeah. I mean, especially, you know,

1123
01:21:15.000 --> 01:21:20.520
cause that's, that's real. Like when, you know, we get to a certain age and

1124
01:21:20.520 --> 01:21:22.200
we're like, well, we know what we want.

1125
01:21:23.880 --> 01:21:26.400
We want to know that someone else is wanting the same thing.

1126
01:21:27.120 --> 01:21:32.120
And there's nothing wrong with wanting that knowing that certainty.

1127
01:21:34.040 --> 01:21:39.040
It's us allowing ourselves to release that and then lean on the Lord to reveal

1128
01:21:42.920 --> 01:21:46.080
that clarity sooner rather than later,

1129
01:21:47.080 --> 01:21:50.400
not forcing the certainty,

1130
01:21:50.880 --> 01:21:55.880
but allowing the information that we're gathering for us to be able to say,

1131
01:21:56.320 --> 01:21:59.560
okay, this is what I'm observing.

1132
01:22:01.120 --> 01:22:05.120
And this is what my observations are communicating.

1133
01:22:06.400 --> 01:22:09.640
And then I get to be curious. You get to ask questions.

1134
01:22:09.720 --> 01:22:14.720
You don't assume anything you get to draw. Okay.

1135
01:22:15.320 --> 01:22:18.520
This is making me question this. So I'm going to ask.

1136
01:22:18.720 --> 01:22:22.000
So like Ebony shared with you, we'll ask him about his timeline.

1137
01:22:22.360 --> 01:22:27.080
You got curious about that. He gave you some information about that. Okay.

1138
01:22:27.840 --> 01:22:28.760
You got that.

1139
01:22:29.640 --> 01:22:34.400
So now you get to go to the Lord and be like, okay,

1140
01:22:34.840 --> 01:22:39.840
what are some other questions and things I can look for that would help me

1141
01:22:40.240 --> 01:22:45.240
that would help me discern what you want from me, Lord.

1142
01:22:48.600 --> 01:22:51.440
And if the door is open here or if I need to close it.

1143
01:22:53.840 --> 01:22:58.840
So one of the things I was wondering if I could ask him is,

1144
01:23:00.200 --> 01:23:03.680
I think he's kind of like a go with the flow type of guy or something.

1145
01:23:04.120 --> 01:23:06.080
You think it's okay for me to say,

1146
01:23:07.080 --> 01:23:10.440
cause we already had a couple of things lined up for, for this week.

1147
01:23:10.440 --> 01:23:14.720
And it kind of happened organically. It wasn't like, what are you doing Saturday?

1148
01:23:14.720 --> 01:23:18.680
You know what I mean? It was just like, let's go set. Are you free set? Yeah.

1149
01:23:18.680 --> 01:23:23.760
I'm free set. So, um, I'm wondering if, is, is it okay for me to say,

1150
01:23:23.760 --> 01:23:28.760
Hey Matthew, like, would it be okay? We just like plans plan ahead,

1151
01:23:28.880 --> 01:23:33.960
more ahead. Like instead of like, for example, if I see him Saturday,

1152
01:23:34.000 --> 01:23:36.280
right. And I don't, we don't have anything planned tonight.

1153
01:23:36.520 --> 01:23:38.640
Is it okay for me to say, tell him, Hey,

1154
01:23:38.640 --> 01:23:40.920
I'd love it to plan by the end of the day,

1155
01:23:40.920 --> 01:23:44.600
instead of like waiting kind of last minute. Cause like last week,

1156
01:23:44.640 --> 01:23:48.400
the after we had our first date, he kind of took a while to get back to me.

1157
01:23:48.560 --> 01:23:53.280
And by then I was busy. Right. So I, but I want to see him.

1158
01:23:53.560 --> 01:23:57.000
And so is that okay to say that? Or does it sound too like,

1159
01:23:57.000 --> 01:23:58.920
Okay. So let me ask you this question.

1160
01:23:59.800 --> 01:24:04.800
Why do you think it wouldn't be okay for you to ask for something that you

1161
01:24:05.160 --> 01:24:06.000
would like?

1162
01:24:06.960 --> 01:24:11.800
Because I think I have this fear of, and then this is the dating autopsy thing,

1163
01:24:11.800 --> 01:24:16.120
right? That Jackie had us in the book. I think it's like, I have this fear,

1164
01:24:16.120 --> 01:24:18.920
like I like him more, or I'm trying to push it,

1165
01:24:18.920 --> 01:24:21.200
or I'm trying to make him a certain way.

1166
01:24:21.200 --> 01:24:26.120
And then I don't get to actually really know who he is or the fear that I'm

1167
01:24:26.320 --> 01:24:27.920
managing the relationship. I don't know.

1168
01:24:29.760 --> 01:24:32.120
And so these are, and that's good. Like,

1169
01:24:32.160 --> 01:24:36.040
I love that you're able to like you're sitting here and

1170
01:24:38.080 --> 01:24:43.080
consciously taking in this information and you're asking yourself these

1171
01:24:43.680 --> 01:24:46.160
questions and these are good questions.

1172
01:24:46.800 --> 01:24:50.560
So my question then now to you is, are you,

1173
01:24:50.840 --> 01:24:55.840
what is your prayer life look like with this?

1174
01:24:56.120 --> 01:24:58.280
With these things that you're asking yourself,

1175
01:24:58.280 --> 01:25:00.040
like how are you partnering with?

1176
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.840
God with these questions? Do you do that regularly? And it's okay if you don't.

1177
01:25:05.840 --> 01:25:10.400
Like, ladies, I will be the first to admit, sometimes my prayer life does not look great.

1178
01:25:11.520 --> 01:25:17.440
And I'll be like, oh man, well, I really didn't ask the Lord on this one. Like I didn't include

1179
01:25:17.440 --> 01:25:23.920
him in this. Like, and that's real. Like, I don't think there's a single person probably on this

1180
01:25:23.920 --> 01:25:31.600
call that hasn't at some point said, wow, maybe I, I could, I could reflect there.

1181
01:25:34.640 --> 01:25:39.520
Um, yeah, I probably need to, I think sometimes I do. And sometimes I don't.

1182
01:25:39.520 --> 01:25:40.000
Yeah.

1183
01:25:40.000 --> 01:25:45.680
And I, I sometimes have a hard time knowing what's my responsibility versus God,

1184
01:25:45.680 --> 01:25:52.560
because I know the charismatic, like, just, you know, putting it on God, you know,

1185
01:25:52.560 --> 01:25:58.640
like God's going to do, I'll have to just trust in him. You know what I mean? And if I'm doing

1186
01:25:58.640 --> 01:26:05.040
some, I'm not trusting in like in the past, I would not ask guys out, but then I was like,

1187
01:26:05.040 --> 01:26:09.440
well, maybe I should do something different that, cause what I'm doing not hasn't produced

1188
01:26:09.440 --> 01:26:12.240
the best results. So maybe I should, you know,

1189
01:26:13.440 --> 01:26:18.160
It's like learning, like, what does partnership really look like? Like, yeah, we trust in God,

1190
01:26:18.160 --> 01:26:26.800
but we get to partner with him. Like we get to, he invites us to like participate.

1191
01:26:28.480 --> 01:26:34.080
And so it's, it's learning that. And I want to just encourage you in giving yourself that grace.

1192
01:26:35.840 --> 01:26:41.200
You know, we don't have to have that all figured out. We don't have to know all of all the details.

1193
01:26:41.760 --> 01:26:47.840
We don't have to show up perfectly in our prayers and our, you know, relationships.

1194
01:26:47.840 --> 01:26:55.600
Like there's no such thing. Like we don't have to do that. That's, that's not our responsibility.

1195
01:26:56.880 --> 01:27:06.720
Our responsibility is just to have relationship with the Lord. Right. And have like conversation

1196
01:27:06.720 --> 01:27:11.920
with him. And he gets to gently remind us saying, Hey, I didn't ask you to do that.

1197
01:27:12.800 --> 01:27:18.480
Or, Hey, why don't you try this? And he doesn't judge us and he doesn't criticize us. And he

1198
01:27:18.480 --> 01:27:24.880
doesn't condemn us because we're stubborn children and don't listen to him right away.

1199
01:27:26.160 --> 01:27:34.000
Or we are, you know, too hard on ourselves and, and beat ourselves up. And, and,

1200
01:27:34.000 --> 01:27:41.760
you know, we can't see how he sees us. He's gentle and he cares about us.

1201
01:27:42.960 --> 01:27:50.080
And, you know, I relate to that. What's my responsibility and what's not like,

1202
01:27:50.080 --> 01:27:56.480
what do I need to allow him to do? And what do I need to just like, what's my responsibility?

1203
01:27:56.480 --> 01:28:02.320
Well, it's just to be in obedience to you, Lord. I don't have to overachieve or, you know,

1204
01:28:02.320 --> 01:28:06.960
do anything perfectly. All I can do is what you tell me to do in this moment.

1205
01:28:08.560 --> 01:28:14.080
And if I follow that and it brings me peace and I feel that it's from you,

1206
01:28:15.200 --> 01:28:20.960
you are going to confirm whether it's from you or not. Like you're there. I hear from you, you show

1207
01:28:21.040 --> 01:28:28.960
up and that can get revealed. And that's, that's the goal. And like,

1208
01:28:31.280 --> 01:28:38.000
there is no, there's no such thing as perfection with it. Like give yourself that grace.

1209
01:28:39.040 --> 01:28:45.040
You don't have to do this perfectly. And ladies that goes for everybody. And the honest

1210
01:28:46.000 --> 01:28:54.560
answer is none of us are going to do it perfectly. I may have a success story, but y'all,

1211
01:28:56.480 --> 01:29:06.160
I haven't done it perfectly. Like there's a lot that I don't share that I have not done perfectly

1212
01:29:07.680 --> 01:29:14.320
because this isn't the place to share it. It's more of just, you know, it's me knowing like,

1213
01:29:14.320 --> 01:29:22.640
okay, well this is, I can take what I'm learning in my present and it will help me

1214
01:29:23.440 --> 01:29:31.920
be able to pour into you ladies because you're going to like, it's, it's just grace.

1215
01:29:33.360 --> 01:29:35.360
There's no such thing as perfection.

1216
01:29:36.240 --> 01:29:45.760
So I think I love, like, what I'm hearing is good things. I'm hearing green flags.

1217
01:29:47.360 --> 01:29:55.440
There is a yellow flag of the readiness and that's valid. You get to now partner with God

1218
01:29:55.440 --> 01:29:59.680
and spend time with God.

1219
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:13.040
him and asking him to show you what information, what new information would that look like

1220
01:30:13.040 --> 01:30:19.120
to you to gather to make another decision if a decision is needed. Does that make sense?

1221
01:30:19.120 --> 01:30:19.620
Yeah.

1222
01:30:20.480 --> 01:30:26.960
So you don't have to know right away. You get to take and paste this to be like,

1223
01:30:26.960 --> 01:30:36.960
Lord, give me some new information here. Show me some things and help me see whether or not

1224
01:30:36.960 --> 01:30:44.240
this man is ready or not. Help me to see am I ready or not. Help me to see if there's something

1225
01:30:44.240 --> 01:30:50.640
I need to work out on so that I can be ready if he's ready or someone else is ready or not.

1226
01:30:50.640 --> 01:30:56.640
What does this reveal, not just with them, but what is it revealing in me?

1227
01:30:57.360 --> 01:31:02.560
And what can you do? How can you use this information to grow me as well?

1228
01:31:06.080 --> 01:31:10.800
How does that sit? Is there a stretching?

1229
01:31:11.680 --> 01:31:17.920
Yeah. I mean, I think what you touched upon about the perfectionism, I actually ended up

1230
01:31:17.920 --> 01:31:24.400
writing a song about that last night. It's called Grace. It's about falling to his grace and not

1231
01:31:24.400 --> 01:31:28.880
trying to make it so high stakes where I have to perform and make everything right,

1232
01:31:30.400 --> 01:31:38.080
which is an illusion anyways. So yeah, I think that's the key thing that I want to focus on.

1233
01:31:38.800 --> 01:31:48.320
And I just feel like Matthew is a very safe person. So I don't think he's going to be

1234
01:31:49.120 --> 01:31:54.880
freaked out. He doesn't seem that type of guy anyway. So I'm sure if I ask something,

1235
01:31:55.440 --> 01:31:59.200
he's so open-minded and easygoing. He's probably going to be like, yeah, sure.

1236
01:32:00.320 --> 01:32:07.920
Yeah, exactly. And this is new. This sounds like he's a different type of guy that you're not

1237
01:32:08.080 --> 01:32:13.600
familiar with. So there's going to be some uncertainty there because you're like, this is

1238
01:32:13.600 --> 01:32:19.680
foreign. Guys that show up like this, I'm used to guys showing up like this. This is different.

1239
01:32:19.680 --> 01:32:26.960
So it is going to catch you off guard at times. And this is where it purposely

1240
01:32:27.680 --> 01:32:35.840
gets to be different and you get to grow and learn. And again, remove the pressure of you

1241
01:32:35.840 --> 01:32:42.480
needing to have it figured out. God's aware that readiness is important to you.

1242
01:32:43.920 --> 01:32:51.840
Readiness is important to him too. You being prepared and fully capable to handle the capacity

1243
01:32:52.960 --> 01:33:00.480
to carry that promise of marriage with anyone is very important to God.

1244
01:33:01.040 --> 01:33:12.800
And so he's intentional with you and all the relationships that come in your path.

1245
01:33:14.160 --> 01:33:22.720
It's whether or not we are using and utilizing the opportunities to be open,

1246
01:33:23.680 --> 01:33:26.160
to grow and learn from those.

1247
01:33:28.880 --> 01:33:35.440
Yeah, I think you're on the right track. I think God is revealing some great things through you.

1248
01:33:37.040 --> 01:33:42.080
And I just want you to, I just, again, it's the grace. I just keep feeling that.

1249
01:33:42.640 --> 01:33:51.040
Give grace over yourself and just give yourself the ease that you don't have to have the pressure

1250
01:33:51.120 --> 01:33:58.720
to figure it out, but that God most simply can come and give you confirmation in a blink of an eye.

1251
01:34:02.720 --> 01:34:05.520
Okay, thank you. I really appreciate that.

1252
01:34:05.520 --> 01:34:10.240
And keep us posted. And I'm excited for the book club for you.

1253
01:34:11.040 --> 01:34:16.000
I know. I'm just like, how do I ask questions to Jackie when I'm talking to two guys? How do I do

1254
01:34:16.960 --> 01:34:19.440
this? This is so awkward.

1255
01:34:20.560 --> 01:34:25.920
Well, and we can always help you formulate questions too. So if there is a question that,

1256
01:34:25.920 --> 01:34:31.280
like, cause Jackie is going to be in there coaching. And that like, ladies, like,

1257
01:34:32.320 --> 01:34:37.440
definitely, like if you can sign up, like that in and of itself is very valuable.

1258
01:34:37.440 --> 01:34:45.200
Like it's very rare to get, like Jackie is so busy now than she was when she first started

1259
01:34:45.200 --> 01:34:51.920
this program. And I will tell you, there is so much value in her coaching. Like I was,

1260
01:34:51.920 --> 01:34:57.280
I'm very grateful and very thankful and very blessed that when I joined this community,

1261
01:34:57.280 --> 01:34:59.840
it was a very, very beginning. And I had the ability to.

1262
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:08.240
get a lot of you know intentional coaching from Jackie like she is she's she's got a gift she

1263
01:35:08.240 --> 01:35:13.840
really really does and you know I'm thankful for what she's been able to pour into me because it's

1264
01:35:13.840 --> 01:35:22.640
allowed me the ability to give it back but I'm excited I'm excited for all you that are in it

1265
01:35:22.640 --> 01:35:28.320
and if you have the opportunity I don't know if the spots are sold out or not but I would

1266
01:35:28.320 --> 01:35:34.880
definitely encourage but we can help you formulate some questions so that we can you know make it

1267
01:35:34.880 --> 01:35:45.600
sound coded that that other guy is not gonna you know hear it per se but we can um we can

1268
01:35:45.600 --> 01:35:50.000
definitely help you out with that too so if you have a question be like okay this is a question

1269
01:35:50.000 --> 01:35:55.760
I want to ask knowing that this guy's in here is there a way to word it that I can ask Jackie

1270
01:35:55.760 --> 01:36:02.560
and we'll we'll help you figure it out okay yeah I only have two weeks left in this program but I

1271
01:36:02.560 --> 01:36:08.960
I'm on phase three so I could do that on phase three too okay perfect thank you yes thank you

1272
01:36:08.960 --> 01:36:13.040
all right Tiffany you're up and then um I don't see any other hands so I'm that's why I kind of

1273
01:36:13.040 --> 01:36:18.880
spent some time there with Joanne so I'm gonna take Tiffany and then I will um let you ladies go

1274
01:36:19.600 --> 01:36:25.600
um and look forward to to hearing from you throughout the week so Tiffany what's your

1275
01:36:25.600 --> 01:36:33.520
question um well I feel like I have felt this way the last month I feel like y'all have bugged

1276
01:36:33.520 --> 01:36:40.160
like you have bugs like in my phone because I swear every time I come to one of these like

1277
01:36:40.160 --> 01:36:46.880
you were dealing spot on with where I'm at um you know then so that's the funny thing it's like

1278
01:36:46.880 --> 01:36:57.280
doesn't God just work like so intentionally for us yes I'm I'm glad I'm glad to hear you have

1279
01:36:57.280 --> 01:37:04.080
like a sense of humor about it and it sounds like you're taking it in a positive way so that's good

1280
01:37:05.920 --> 01:37:10.640
so in a nutshell I've been talking to this guy for seven and a half weeks

1281
01:37:11.440 --> 01:37:20.160
um we totally skipped by uh level two like just emotionally went straight to fate or

1282
01:37:20.160 --> 01:37:28.160
level three it happened it was enjoyable I've been single seven years he's been single six

1283
01:37:28.160 --> 01:37:35.600
this is both our first time to do it God's way so like all of that was just like let's run with

1284
01:37:35.600 --> 01:37:44.880
it and it's exciting yes for sure it was um and about the same time I've seen God's

1285
01:37:44.880 --> 01:37:55.120
graciousness in this even in all the the missed places we both kind of hit that brick wall of

1286
01:37:55.120 --> 01:38:03.040
feeling emotionally maxed out to where like we just had outpaced ourselves we didn't even know

1287
01:38:03.040 --> 01:38:08.720
what way was up at this point nothing bad had happened like it's just been a really great

1288
01:38:10.000 --> 01:38:16.320
if I could pick someone to talk to like this this couldn't have been more perfectly

1289
01:38:17.120 --> 01:38:25.360
so for the last week we agreed that we were just going to take a breather okay um I had a one-on-one

1290
01:38:25.360 --> 01:38:33.280
coaching with Ebony because I realized that a lot of you had posted something on one of my posts

1291
01:38:33.280 --> 01:38:40.960
that I made about she had posted about needing reprogramming and then you talked about things

1292
01:38:40.960 --> 01:38:49.520
like that were kind of coming awake from my past all of that was spot on yeah so this past week

1293
01:38:49.520 --> 01:38:56.400
I've been incredibly intentional with the Lord about okay show me all the things let's deal with

1294
01:38:56.400 --> 01:39:04.320
this let's do it it's been painful but it's been so good a lot of revealing to healing a lot of

1295
01:39:04.320 --> 01:39:14.880
teaching me how to reprogram things um I totally backed off because I'm very I have I have a lot

1296
01:39:14.880 --> 01:39:21.360
of the anxious characteristics um and then when I get to a certain point then I can also have some

1297
01:39:21.360 --> 01:39:31.920
of the avoid it avoid it yeah and so yeah um so the Lord helped me really like step back and just

1298
01:39:31.920 --> 01:39:40.160
really take a breath but this guy was also very kind to still show up like that's one of the

1299
01:39:40.160 --> 01:39:47.920
things I've never had a man be more consistent than this guy um he's got a crazy schedule but

1300
01:39:47.920 --> 01:39:56.400
he still shows up even when he's maxed out just schedule wise he still shows up and so even in

1301
01:39:56.400 --> 01:39:59.840
this that's been the case so from

1302
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:04.700
Um, Thursday night to yesterday, we had had no communication.

1303
01:40:04.700 --> 01:40:09.660
We really were like, okay, let's just end this week out really like strong.

1304
01:40:09.660 --> 01:40:11.860
Let's give us some time with the Lord one-on-one.

1305
01:40:12.860 --> 01:40:18.420
So we kind of, um, we started texting and stuff again yesterday.

1306
01:40:19.620 --> 01:40:20.700
We both agree.

1307
01:40:20.700 --> 01:40:22.440
Like we want to do the reset.

1308
01:40:22.500 --> 01:40:27.640
We want to slow back down, like kind of starting over, but how do you

1309
01:40:27.640 --> 01:40:32.200
start over when you still know, like, cause we talked hours upon hours upon

1310
01:40:32.200 --> 01:40:38.700
hours and so like, I know a lot about him, but we're still in that, like

1311
01:40:38.700 --> 01:40:41.020
still let slow down and restart.

1312
01:40:42.460 --> 01:40:48.780
And so we kept everything very lighthearted and fun, playful yesterday.

1313
01:40:48.780 --> 01:40:55.300
It was really great, but already this morning, I can already see the writing

1314
01:40:55.300 --> 01:41:00.940
on the wall, the little parts of Tiffany going, let's reconnect, let's reconnect.

1315
01:41:04.020 --> 01:41:10.840
And so my question is how, cause I feel like he's on another level and he's

1316
01:41:10.840 --> 01:41:16.620
getting it and he's like, we're slowing down, we're resetting where this is how

1317
01:41:16.620 --> 01:41:18.700
we do it and I'm going, no, no, no, no.

1318
01:41:18.700 --> 01:41:23.380
But what about, what about, and I don't want to push because.

1319
01:41:25.660 --> 01:41:26.920
I like this guy.

1320
01:41:28.760 --> 01:41:34.400
And even if like, we don't go anywhere, I know God's got such awesome

1321
01:41:34.400 --> 01:41:40.160
purpose in this cause I'm gleaning and learning like crazy being in this

1322
01:41:40.160 --> 01:41:42.640
place and seeing it for what it is.

1323
01:41:43.000 --> 01:41:46.800
How do I appear here?

1324
01:41:46.860 --> 01:41:52.960
All the things, how do I put myself in that place to, to go back?

1325
01:41:53.140 --> 01:41:54.600
That's a really good question.

1326
01:41:54.620 --> 01:42:00.900
Um, and so as you, I'm jotting and you ladies know, like I'll sit and note,

1327
01:42:00.900 --> 01:42:04.920
take while y'all are given information.

1328
01:42:05.060 --> 01:42:07.860
Cause that's how I'll process with Holy spirit as well.

1329
01:42:08.680 --> 01:42:14.060
Um, and so some of the things that I wrote down that were highlighted.

1330
01:42:15.480 --> 01:42:22.260
That I just really heard the Lord kind of saying is, um, honest communication.

1331
01:42:24.860 --> 01:42:40.500
And, and not just with him, but I feel this intensity around you

1332
01:42:40.500 --> 01:42:43.580
staying honest and open with yourself.

1333
01:42:45.900 --> 01:42:52.660
And I want to celebrate because I think that's what I'm recognizing and seeing

1334
01:42:53.260 --> 01:42:55.200
you accomplish in this season.

1335
01:42:56.920 --> 01:43:05.400
You're sitting with what's like, you're digesting everything that's coming in.

1336
01:43:06.520 --> 01:43:11.760
And you are intentional about being honest and having the awareness.

1337
01:43:13.040 --> 01:43:20.880
And I want that to be an encouragement to you because that is growth.

1338
01:43:21.700 --> 01:43:30.020
And that as you continue to go through that, the fruit will show.

1339
01:43:31.500 --> 01:43:38.500
And so like you said, it like, regardless of what happens, there is purpose in this.

1340
01:43:38.980 --> 01:43:48.260
And so it's resting in the peace and the stillness that even if he is still good.

1341
01:43:51.020 --> 01:43:57.580
And so I really feel the strong sense of just continue to stay in this honest

1342
01:43:57.580 --> 01:44:05.700
communication with yourself and, you know, being able to be honest and open

1343
01:44:05.760 --> 01:44:10.260
with him as well, even when it feels vulnerable, okay, there's going to be

1344
01:44:10.260 --> 01:44:23.560
growing in that I want to definitely validate the, cause I can, I feel this

1345
01:44:23.680 --> 01:44:32.480
again, like I'm a feeler when we talk about those resets and we're talking

1346
01:44:32.480 --> 01:44:37.520
about something that has to do with like the emotion, like the emotional

1347
01:44:37.540 --> 01:44:40.100
connection went amplified before.

1348
01:44:40.100 --> 01:44:51.180
Maybe it, we wanted it to, and women are just more in tune with emotion.

1349
01:44:51.500 --> 01:44:52.980
We're just more emotional than men.

1350
01:44:53.060 --> 01:44:54.460
Like that's just reality.

1351
01:44:54.580 --> 01:44:56.660
Like that's a feminine quality.

1352
01:44:57.740 --> 01:44:59.740
And so I do.

1353
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:04.360
don't think like it's not uncommon for you to be like,

1354
01:45:04.360 --> 01:45:06.560
well, it sounds like he's got it,

1355
01:45:07.800 --> 01:45:10.980
but I'm over here, like I want to emotionally connect.

1356
01:45:10.980 --> 01:45:15.560
Well, yeah, because you're a woman, you're feminine,

1357
01:45:15.560 --> 01:45:19.900
we connect emotionally.

1358
01:45:20.740 --> 01:45:23.680
Like if you look at how men and women operate

1359
01:45:23.680 --> 01:45:28.680
in friendships, women operate out of emotion.

1360
01:45:30.840 --> 01:45:34.640
Like, I don't, like, do y'all see men really operating

1361
01:45:34.640 --> 01:45:36.940
in any emotion in their friendships?

1362
01:45:39.640 --> 01:45:41.560
Like us, it's like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh,

1363
01:45:41.560 --> 01:45:43.800
I'm so excited to see you, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1364
01:45:43.800 --> 01:45:45.880
Like, and they were just like, hi, again, and uh,

1365
01:45:45.880 --> 01:45:48.940
oh, I can, da, da, da, da, da, oh, I can, like,

1366
01:45:48.940 --> 01:45:53.940
we are very much like, very into our emotions.

1367
01:45:54.920 --> 01:45:58.320
So I don't want you to beat yourself up

1368
01:46:00.080 --> 01:46:03.680
and recognizing like, look, you have emotions

1369
01:46:03.680 --> 01:46:06.520
and those are real and those are honest.

1370
01:46:08.840 --> 01:46:13.000
So the way that I've learned that helps me,

1371
01:46:13.000 --> 01:46:15.720
because again, ladies, this will happen in marriage too.

1372
01:46:15.720 --> 01:46:19.120
Like I am a more emotional creature than my husband.

1373
01:46:19.120 --> 01:46:22.320
Like he married a very highly emotional person

1374
01:46:22.320 --> 01:46:24.780
and the reason I sometimes think we're compatible

1375
01:46:24.780 --> 01:46:27.040
is because I have enough emotion for the both of us

1376
01:46:27.040 --> 01:46:28.480
that he doesn't need emotion.

1377
01:46:29.320 --> 01:46:30.160
Like at all.

1378
01:46:31.240 --> 01:46:36.000
And sometimes that's challenging and he doesn't get it.

1379
01:46:36.000 --> 01:46:37.400
He doesn't get my emotion.

1380
01:46:37.400 --> 01:46:39.800
I don't get why he doesn't have emotion.

1381
01:46:39.800 --> 01:46:43.200
And one thing that I am learning to grow in

1382
01:46:43.200 --> 01:46:46.000
that I think is just healthy overall

1383
01:46:46.000 --> 01:46:51.000
in relationships altogether is we are first created

1384
01:46:52.360 --> 01:46:54.880
to have a relationship with God.

1385
01:46:55.040 --> 01:46:58.040
Our first priority is our relationship with the Lord.

1386
01:46:59.680 --> 01:47:03.880
And so in those moments where we have these like,

1387
01:47:03.880 --> 01:47:08.880
heavy emotions and these, we get to literally go to him,

1388
01:47:10.480 --> 01:47:14.800
like I just, if y'all listen to Supernatural Saturday,

1389
01:47:14.800 --> 01:47:17.400
like Jesus is our friend.

1390
01:47:20.560 --> 01:47:24.040
He is the one friend, the one God,

1391
01:47:24.800 --> 01:47:29.800
the one main source we can take all the emotion to.

1392
01:47:34.320 --> 01:47:36.480
We don't have to hold back.

1393
01:47:36.480 --> 01:47:39.060
We don't have to feel ashamed of it.

1394
01:47:39.060 --> 01:47:42.240
We don't have to be scared of it.

1395
01:47:42.240 --> 01:47:45.440
We don't have to minimize it.

1396
01:47:45.440 --> 01:47:49.760
We don't have to justify it with him.

1397
01:47:50.760 --> 01:47:55.760
You get to take your emotion to him

1398
01:47:57.600 --> 01:48:01.640
and build that intimacy and that intentional relationship

1399
01:48:01.640 --> 01:48:05.080
with the Lord in this season,

1400
01:48:05.080 --> 01:48:09.160
because that fruit of that relationship,

1401
01:48:09.160 --> 01:48:13.040
that intimacy with the Lord growing and blossoming

1402
01:48:13.920 --> 01:48:17.480
will just pour fruit into all your other relationships.

1403
01:48:18.480 --> 01:48:23.480
And so I hope that my response and my answer to you,

1404
01:48:24.960 --> 01:48:27.280
like, I don't even know if I'm answering your question.

1405
01:48:27.280 --> 01:48:30.920
Again, I'm just, this is what I'm being downloaded.

1406
01:48:32.680 --> 01:48:36.080
I want this to give you encouragement that

1407
01:48:38.780 --> 01:48:41.440
you are right on track.

1408
01:48:43.520 --> 01:48:47.220
You are doing the work.

1409
01:48:47.960 --> 01:48:49.180
You're partnering with him.

1410
01:48:49.180 --> 01:48:50.020
He loves you.

1411
01:48:50.020 --> 01:48:51.100
He sees you.

1412
01:48:52.300 --> 01:48:55.740
And everything that you're experiencing

1413
01:48:55.740 --> 01:48:58.660
is not too much for God.

1414
01:49:00.180 --> 01:49:01.840
You get to take it to him.

1415
01:49:02.860 --> 01:49:05.220
There's nothing that you've done wrong,

1416
01:49:06.020 --> 01:49:09.020
but you get to learn and grow.

1417
01:49:11.120 --> 01:49:14.500
And you even just being gentle with yourself and like,

1418
01:49:14.500 --> 01:49:18.060
oh my gosh, like we fast forward through the level two

1419
01:49:18.060 --> 01:49:19.940
and went level three and now we're all like,

1420
01:49:19.940 --> 01:49:20.980
whoa, what do we do?

1421
01:49:20.980 --> 01:49:24.260
And we're gonna take a break and we're gonna reset.

1422
01:49:24.260 --> 01:49:27.180
Like, that's huge.

1423
01:49:28.940 --> 01:49:31.860
Like, you get to say, wow,

1424
01:49:31.860 --> 01:49:35.100
like look at the grace that we gave ourselves.

1425
01:49:36.780 --> 01:49:40.740
Like that is, like sit with that and celebrate that.

1426
01:49:41.660 --> 01:49:42.500
And guess what?

1427
01:49:42.500 --> 01:49:44.860
He doesn't have to sit here and look perfectly.

1428
01:49:46.660 --> 01:49:47.500
And you're right.

1429
01:49:47.500 --> 01:49:51.420
It's okay if it shows up differently for you

1430
01:49:51.420 --> 01:49:52.300
than it does for him.

1431
01:49:52.300 --> 01:49:53.640
It will.

1432
01:49:53.640 --> 01:49:55.300
Men and women are very different.

1433
01:49:57.300 --> 01:50:00.100
And so I just, again, like.

1434
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:08.000
The way you work on resetting this is to stay in alignment with the Lord.

1435
01:50:08.000 --> 01:50:13.000
Continue to press in in that relationship with Him.

1436
01:50:13.000 --> 01:50:17.000
Make that a priority in this season.

1437
01:50:17.000 --> 01:50:24.000
Making God our priority doesn't mean that we can't date.

1438
01:50:24.000 --> 01:50:28.000
I feel like that just feels Holy Spirit on me right now.

1439
01:50:28.000 --> 01:50:33.000
That I think, you know, sometimes we carry this, you know,

1440
01:50:33.000 --> 01:50:38.000
well, if I'm dating, then I have to make dating my priority.

1441
01:50:38.000 --> 01:50:42.000
Ladies, that's false. That's a lie from the enemy.

1442
01:50:42.000 --> 01:50:52.000
God remains priority no matter what season of life you are in.

1443
01:50:52.000 --> 01:50:57.000
Yes, we may have to learn how to steward our time differently

1444
01:50:57.000 --> 01:51:00.000
because we have dating.

1445
01:51:00.000 --> 01:51:05.000
And how does that look in comparison to the time that we spend with the Lord?

1446
01:51:05.000 --> 01:51:10.000
But we want to be intentional with the time that we spend with the Lord.

1447
01:51:10.000 --> 01:51:15.000
If we do that first, everything else falls in line.

1448
01:51:15.000 --> 01:51:18.000
And so spend that intentional time with the Lord.

1449
01:51:18.000 --> 01:51:24.000
And that just goes, I think that goes for everyone on this call and everyone listening.

1450
01:51:24.000 --> 01:51:27.000
Let's reset.

1451
01:51:27.000 --> 01:51:28.000
Let's reset.

1452
01:51:28.000 --> 01:51:32.000
Like, Tiffany, I think this is so divine.

1453
01:51:32.000 --> 01:51:34.000
Divine appointment right here.

1454
01:51:34.000 --> 01:51:37.000
That word, reset.

1455
01:51:37.000 --> 01:51:43.000
That's not just where you're at in this relationship with this guy,

1456
01:51:43.000 --> 01:51:50.000
but I think it's a word for so many of us in this community.

1457
01:51:50.000 --> 01:51:58.000
Spend time and reset with making the Lord the priority,

1458
01:51:58.000 --> 01:52:03.000
making him your first best friend.

1459
01:52:03.000 --> 01:52:07.000
He wants to be your friend.

1460
01:52:07.000 --> 01:52:14.000
And so I think that is just a good word to end this call with and leave that.

1461
01:52:14.000 --> 01:52:21.000
So thank you so much for sharing that because I think that's powerful.

1462
01:52:21.000 --> 01:52:23.000
Can I ask one question?

1463
01:52:23.000 --> 01:52:24.000
Yeah.

1464
01:52:24.000 --> 01:52:26.000
On the honest communication part,

1465
01:52:26.000 --> 01:52:32.000
because we're working on setting up a time to go on a walk this week.

1466
01:52:32.000 --> 01:52:36.000
The thing that I've noticed, because I've been like, okay, what is that going to,

1467
01:52:36.000 --> 01:52:40.000
what is the conversation going to look like?

1468
01:52:40.000 --> 01:52:45.000
The questions that I have and the things that I want to talk to him about are

1469
01:52:45.000 --> 01:52:48.000
actually coming from that anxiousness.

1470
01:52:48.000 --> 01:52:50.000
Like, where are we?

1471
01:52:50.000 --> 01:52:51.000
How are you feeling about things?

1472
01:52:51.000 --> 01:52:52.000
All the things.

1473
01:52:52.000 --> 01:52:55.000
And so if.

1474
01:52:55.000 --> 01:52:58.000
How do I.

1475
01:52:58.000 --> 01:53:01.000
I don't feel like I should just like dismiss those things.

1476
01:53:01.000 --> 01:53:03.000
I feel like there's value in asking that.

1477
01:53:03.000 --> 01:53:09.000
But how do I approach that from a healthy place versus the anxious.

1478
01:53:09.000 --> 01:53:10.000
Yeah.

1479
01:53:10.000 --> 01:53:14.000
I think the first thing that's coming like in, in my head right now,

1480
01:53:14.000 --> 01:53:18.000
like the, what I heard is.

1481
01:53:18.000 --> 01:53:24.000
Honest communication does not always mean giving all the details.

1482
01:53:24.000 --> 01:53:25.000
Oh,

1483
01:53:25.000 --> 01:53:31.000
Okay.

1484
01:53:32.000 --> 01:53:33.000
Okay.

1485
01:53:33.000 --> 01:53:35.000
That's what I'm saying. Like that is just,

1486
01:53:35.000 --> 01:53:40.000
I literally was writing that down as you were sharing that, that.

1487
01:53:40.000 --> 01:53:43.000
Yeah. It doesn't mean giving all the details.

1488
01:53:43.000 --> 01:53:46.000
Okay.

1489
01:53:46.000 --> 01:53:49.000
This is again, that it's at level two.

1490
01:53:49.000 --> 01:53:54.000
You don't have to give all the information.

1491
01:53:54.000 --> 01:53:56.000
Us sharing.

1492
01:53:56.000 --> 01:54:01.000
Honestly.

1493
01:54:01.000 --> 01:54:04.000
And keeping some of those details does not mean that we're withholding

1494
01:54:04.000 --> 01:54:06.000
those things.

1495
01:54:06.000 --> 01:54:08.000
We're being honest with where we're at.

1496
01:54:08.000 --> 01:54:12.000
But it doesn't mean that I have to give it all.

1497
01:54:12.000 --> 01:54:14.000
Because it's okay for you to still need to sort some of that stuff out

1498
01:54:14.000 --> 01:54:16.000
and spend extra time with.

1499
01:54:16.000 --> 01:54:17.000
Again,

1500
01:54:17.000 --> 01:54:21.000
Your best friend.

1501
01:54:21.000 --> 01:54:23.000
You get to, and you can just say.

1502
01:54:23.000 --> 01:54:27.000
I'm still spending time with my best friend.

1503
01:54:27.000 --> 01:54:29.000
I don't know where this is.

1504
01:54:29.000 --> 01:54:33.000
I'm dealing with some, you know, anxious thoughts and feelings.

1505
01:54:33.000 --> 01:54:37.000
I don't want that to, you know, I want you to be aware of it.

1506
01:54:37.000 --> 01:54:40.000
I can't go into detail about it.

1507
01:54:40.000 --> 01:54:44.000
But this is where I'm at.

1508
01:54:44.000 --> 01:54:48.000
And that's being honest. You don't have to sit there and say.

1509
01:54:48.000 --> 01:54:50.000
I'm having all these anxious thoughts. Like, where are we at?

1510
01:54:51.000 --> 01:54:54.000
You don't have to give all those details.

1511
01:54:54.000 --> 01:55:01.000
You just say, I'm.

1512
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:05.400
good, solid, quality friendship time with him.

1513
01:55:05.400 --> 01:55:06.640
And it's been great.

1514
01:55:06.640 --> 01:55:14.280
And it's amazing that I get to spend time with you

1515
01:55:14.280 --> 01:55:15.960
in this season as well.

1516
01:55:15.960 --> 01:55:18.320
And we get to see where this goes.

1517
01:55:21.040 --> 01:55:25.440
And so yeah, sometimes that honest conversation with him

1518
01:55:25.440 --> 01:55:28.000
is in all those details.

1519
01:55:28.000 --> 01:55:28.920
Thank you.

1520
01:55:28.920 --> 01:55:30.920
I needed that.

1521
01:55:30.920 --> 01:55:31.680
Good.

1522
01:55:31.680 --> 01:55:33.640
Ladies, I hope this blessed you.

1523
01:55:33.640 --> 01:55:37.040
I know it's definitely blessed me.

1524
01:55:37.040 --> 01:55:40.960
Look forward to hearing about how the book club call goes

1525
01:55:40.960 --> 01:55:41.480
tonight.

1526
01:55:41.480 --> 01:55:44.040
And if you didn't get signed up, know

1527
01:55:44.040 --> 01:55:49.720
that Ebony is still going to be on tonight for our phase 2

1528
01:55:49.720 --> 01:55:50.320
check-in.

1529
01:55:50.320 --> 01:55:54.440
She'll also be touching on level 2, level 3 relationship

1530
01:55:54.440 --> 01:55:55.280
as well.

1531
01:55:55.280 --> 01:55:57.240
You'll get her perspective.

1532
01:55:57.240 --> 01:56:00.960
And I'm sure there'll be lots of questions in the evening

1533
01:56:00.960 --> 01:56:02.520
as well.

1534
01:56:02.520 --> 01:56:05.040
So you'll get to hang tight in there

1535
01:56:05.040 --> 01:56:09.000
and learn from all the sisters here in the community.

1536
01:56:09.000 --> 01:56:12.240
But it's always been a blessing, always.

1537
01:56:12.240 --> 01:56:15.520
So have a great rest of your day.

1538
01:56:15.520 --> 01:56:18.360
And I look forward to catching up with you all on the app,

1539
01:56:18.360 --> 01:56:18.840
OK?

1540
01:56:19.200 --> 01:56:22.400
Got a couple of things to do here.

1541
01:56:22.400 --> 01:56:23.760
I want to make sure.

1542
01:56:23.760 --> 01:56:27.480
I know sometimes y'all ask things in the chat.

1543
01:56:27.480 --> 01:56:32.960
So I want to make sure that I grab everything in there

1544
01:56:32.960 --> 01:56:34.320
before I sign out.

1545
01:56:34.320 --> 01:56:35.840
All right, ladies.

1546
01:56:35.840 --> 01:56:37.640
See you later.