WEBVTT

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Go ahead and start moving.

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Yeah, we're so happy.

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Do you see, do you need some help moving?

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I would love like maybe,

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I don't know, which part do you think?

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Like, I think I'm gonna be doing the move on the 20th.

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That's like my goal.

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So I would like leave Tyler in the morning

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and then arrive sometime in Austin on the 20th.

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So if you are free, that would be amazing.

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On June 20th?

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Yes.

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Are you moving upstairs or downstairs?

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I think it's downstairs.

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Oh, good.

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I'm so about to change my mind.

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You're like, wait.

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No, I think I'm busy on the 20th.

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I'm so glad you mentioned that date.

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I would understand.

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I'll keep that in mind.

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I haven't selected a place yet, but yeah.

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Okay, I'm putting on my calendar possible move date.

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Yay.

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How can we get in contact?

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Just let me know on the page, like if you will.

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Yeah, I'll email you my contact information.

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Okay, okay.

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Yeah.

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And then do we still wanna do like, I didn't,

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I can't remember.

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I found out after I left Austin that I got the job

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and I didn't forget the dinner and dancing.

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So if you have an idea.

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Lizzie.

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Yeah, thank you.

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Oh yeah, for sure.

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Yeah, I'll definitely, you know,

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we'll stay in communication and we'll come up with something.

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Okay, I'm kind of playing with whoever else lives there.

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Okay.

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Yeah, sounds good.

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Thank you.

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All right, you're welcome.

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Well, ladies, let us get started.

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I wanna pray for us.

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Father God, I thank you for this day.

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I thank you for an opportunity to gather together

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and to glean from the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.

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We thank you that you meet each one of us where we are.

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You always provide what we need.

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And so we thank you for answers to our questions

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and to our thoughts and to plans and strategies

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to help us grow in the path that you've laid before us.

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I thank you for every lady in this call.

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I thank you for their love story.

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And not only for their love story,

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I thank you for the love story that you're writing

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with them between you and them,

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the way you're developing them and growing them

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and open doors.

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And so we just thank you right now for a night of open doors

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in Jesus name, amen.

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Amen.

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But we just wanna take a little time

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and celebrate with Alexandra.

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She's gotten a new position here in Austin.

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She's excited about moving.

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She's excited about leaving Tyler.

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And so she believes that this is from the Lord.

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We agree with her.

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We'll let her share a little bit about her story

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in a little while.

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You're gonna be okay with that, Alexandra.

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Yeah, just to show that God is moving.

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You know, I always like to say

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when God does something for somebody else

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and I know about it, I say, he's in my neighborhood.

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How do I know?

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Because I hear of something that he's doing.

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I see somebody's moving.

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I see somebody's getting engaged.

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I see somebody's pregnant.

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I see somebody's getting an advancement on their job

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or somebody's starting a new business.

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He's in my neighborhood.

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I want you guys to learn how to practice

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this saying in your mind.

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I'm not next, I'm now.

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I'm not tomorrow, I am today.

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Something good is always happening to us in Christ.

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So, great, great, great, great, great.

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I tried to print my notes

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but that was not a success for me today.

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And so I'm gonna be working with two screens here.

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I wanted to give us a couple of updates.

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Not sure why this is.

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But, welcome any new members?

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I don't think I see any new members.

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Is there anyone new on tonight?

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No.

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I only have one screen, so.

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Okay, perfect.

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Cherish, is this your first time?

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Sorry, I was munching.

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I hopped on, I think, two weeks ago, possibly.

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Okay, okay.

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Well, good to have you.

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Thank you.

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You're welcome.

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For Jackie's Modern Day Sucking Book,

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Modern Day Sucks book is out

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and the book club starts tonight.

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So if you signed up,

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please make sure you are checking your email for details.

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Check your spam folder just in case.

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If you post questions in our phase two group,

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we may not be able to get you the answers,

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get the answers to your question in time

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because it does start tonight.

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We're gonna be covering some content on tonight.

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Our goal is to get as many questions as possible.

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However, we don't make that happen.

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You guys can always post in the app.

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We're always available to do one-on-one coaching with you

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as well.

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Well, I think that's it.

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Okay, great.

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I've already prayed.

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So I really need to find another way.

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I should be sharing.

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I need two screens beside each other.

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And so let me try to do that

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because I can't go back and forth.

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I got to look at y'all while I talk.

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This ain't working out for me.

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If I was a little more computer savvy,

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you would think I would be.

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Not always the case

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because this screen keeps taking over.

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Now where did my document go?

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This is so funny.

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It's taking time, but I think I really laughing.

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So I won't cry.

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As soon as I get one, the other one disappears.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Yay.

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Okay, tonight we're going to talk about something

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and it's going to be,

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I think it's going to be a little more quicker

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and it's going to leave us a good bit of time

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to answer some questions.

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Later I'm working with two screens.

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So if you post something in the chat that I don't see.

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Sorry about that.

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That's all I can say about that part.

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Sorry about that.

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So let's see.

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Okay.

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So this is what we're going to talk about.

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And this is something that we see a lot,

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but it's about the levels of dating

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or the phases of dating.

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And so it's discovery dating versus exclusivity

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is what it is.

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And I could just go on and on and on,

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but we made some really good notes

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to address questions that you guys specifically have.

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And so if it looks like I'm reading this

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because I want to give you details

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from what you've asked us.

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Okay.

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So today we're going to be teaching

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about Jackie's dating one-on-one content

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because you need to know it.

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And a lot of times we talk about level one,

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level two, level three, and probably level four dating.

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We don't use the same level four,

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but level four is just engagement.

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So level one, level two, and level three

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is what you always hear.

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Level one is your initial meeting.

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The attraction.

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This is meeting someone.

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And as we talk about each level,

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we're going to talk about what is involved in that level.

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And get this ladies.

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The reason why this is such a big deal

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because oftentimes we'll enter into a level two

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and operate as a level three.

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We'll enter into a level one

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and kind of think like a level two.

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So a level one is just simple.

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I met you on the app.

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I met you through a friend.

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We had our initial conversation.

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That's it.

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Your curiosity begins.

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And then a level two is curiosity, interest,

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and sometimes infatuation.

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Most times you do kind of get infatuated person.

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They seem wonderful.

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They check all the boxes.

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So that's that phase.

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That's the discovery dating.

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That's your getting to know someone.

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That's the low stakes.

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That's the gathering information.

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This is the phase when I talk about

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things kind of get tricky with us,

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especially depending on how we learn love.

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If we're anxious or avoidant.

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If we're trying to guard and protect ourselves.

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If we're future forecasting.

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A lot of this will happen in level two.

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It shouldn't be happening.

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We're trying to protect ourselves.

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So we do a lot of things.

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Our nervous system does things

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to try to make that happen for us.

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And then level three is exclusivity.

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This is intentional relationship

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moving forward toward commitment.

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And then level four, which we don't talk about a lot,

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but that is engagement.

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So we're gonna focus on level two and level three.

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Level two is what we call discovery dating.

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Level three is exclusivity and courtship.

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We get this question a lot.

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How much time before each one?

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Now this is the absolute truth.

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You can go exclusive with somebody in one day, one week,

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two days, two weeks, three weeks.

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It's up to you.

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People do it all the time.

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Jackie encourages you not to move

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from a level two to a three,

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which is exclusivity at a minimum of 60 days.

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60 days is two months,

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but at a sweet spot of 90 days.

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90 days, meaning you should not go beyond three months

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without that man having to define that relationship.

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At three months, if he haven't defined the relationship,

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then there's no point in you moving forward.

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You shouldn't be dating someone past 90 days

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and they don't make a decision

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about where you stand with them.

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All right, and why we wanna talk of this

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because many women unintentionally experience confusion.

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And this is an unintentional thing.

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You experience confusion, anxiety, disappointment,

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or emotional burnout when you emotionally move

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into a level three while you're still in a level two.

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If you wanna know where your burnout is gonna happen,

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where your frustration, your confusion, your anxiety,

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and your disappointment is gonna happen,

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it's gonna be usually when you in level two

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operating like a level three.

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So what is level two?

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Level two is curiosity, discovery,

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and information gathering.

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I don't think I can stress this enough

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because level two is even tricky for me

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because our nervous system kicks in,

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old patterns kick in,

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and you're really trying to guard and protect yourself.

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In your future forecasting,

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if you see any one little thing,

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you determine how's they gonna show up later on.

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You read into things that shouldn't be read into.

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And it's very, very challenging

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to stay balanced in this stage.

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And in level two, you need a lot of community.

275
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You need people to run stuff by constantly,

276
00:11:38.640 --> 00:11:41.920
especially if you're anxiously attached or avoided,

277
00:11:41.920 --> 00:11:44.040
you need to take your thoughts and your emotions

278
00:11:44.040 --> 00:11:46.800
to someone who can help you piece through them

279
00:11:46.800 --> 00:11:49.480
from a very objective point of view,

280
00:11:49.480 --> 00:11:52.480
not someone who wants to live out a fantasy just like you.

281
00:11:53.440 --> 00:11:55.880
I have a friend that I love her,

282
00:11:55.880 --> 00:11:58.880
but I can't process certain type of relationship,

283
00:11:58.880 --> 00:12:00.000
discovery stuff with her

284
00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:02.520
because she's intent on living out a fantasy.

285
00:12:03.360 --> 00:12:05.760
Some guy's gonna come and God is just gonna make it

286
00:12:05.760 --> 00:12:07.560
so amazing for you.

287
00:12:07.560 --> 00:12:10.120
And he's gonna do this and da-da-da, da-da-da.

288
00:12:10.120 --> 00:12:11.880
And so she's really caught up in a love story.

289
00:12:11.880 --> 00:12:13.080
And I know that she has no,

290
00:12:13.080 --> 00:12:16.360
she's not in a position to help me navigate truth.

291
00:12:16.360 --> 00:12:18.800
So I have to do it with someone who's more objective

292
00:12:18.800 --> 00:12:21.200
to say, hey, no, you're going too far ahead.

293
00:12:21.200 --> 00:12:22.860
She's also trying to protect herself.

294
00:12:22.860 --> 00:12:24.120
You can't process what people

295
00:12:24.160 --> 00:12:26.440
are trying to protect and guard themselves

296
00:12:26.440 --> 00:12:28.480
who are also future forecasting.

297
00:12:28.480 --> 00:12:29.920
And so I'm gonna tell you,

298
00:12:29.920 --> 00:12:32.640
in dating, it's really good to have a strong community

299
00:12:32.640 --> 00:12:35.800
that you trust and that you run everything by

300
00:12:35.800 --> 00:12:39.000
because you're getting to know this person.

301
00:12:39.000 --> 00:12:41.360
Things are exciting, you're infatuated.

302
00:12:41.360 --> 00:12:43.440
They seem like they're checking all the boxes.

303
00:12:43.440 --> 00:12:45.160
One day feels like two weeks.

304
00:12:45.160 --> 00:12:47.400
I'm telling you, two days feel like two months.

305
00:12:47.400 --> 00:12:49.120
It seems like you've been knowing them forever.

306
00:12:49.120 --> 00:12:50.200
It feels so good.

307
00:12:50.200 --> 00:12:51.800
Your emotions are just kind of bubbling

308
00:12:51.800 --> 00:12:53.160
all up over the place.

309
00:12:53.200 --> 00:12:55.800
And so you need someone to help keep you grounded

310
00:12:55.800 --> 00:12:57.640
if you struggle with it.

311
00:12:57.640 --> 00:13:01.360
So what's happening in level two is curiosity,

312
00:13:01.360 --> 00:13:04.600
discovery, and you're gathering information.

313
00:13:04.600 --> 00:13:07.120
And sometimes infatuation grows.

314
00:13:08.080 --> 00:13:11.240
So this is what Jackie teaches us is important.

315
00:13:12.720 --> 00:13:14.820
Not making decisions.

316
00:13:16.880 --> 00:13:19.260
We don't make decisions in level two.

317
00:13:20.260 --> 00:13:22.980
We are not attaching.

318
00:13:24.140 --> 00:13:25.180
If you don't wanna,

319
00:13:25.180 --> 00:13:27.820
if the quickest way for you to attach in a level two

320
00:13:27.820 --> 00:13:31.460
is to share too many emotional things,

321
00:13:31.460 --> 00:13:34.020
you wanna stay clear of emotional attachment.

322
00:13:34.020 --> 00:13:37.700
If you struggle with emotional attachment very quickly,

323
00:13:37.700 --> 00:13:40.020
this is something I also struggle with.

324
00:13:40.020 --> 00:13:41.860
Then you have to come up with a strategy

325
00:13:41.860 --> 00:13:43.660
to help you not do that.

326
00:13:43.660 --> 00:13:44.900
Whether it's gonna be pacing,

327
00:13:44.900 --> 00:13:46.420
how much you talk on the phone,

328
00:13:46.420 --> 00:13:48.860
or whether it's gonna be talking to other people.

329
00:13:49.820 --> 00:13:51.580
If you're determined that you only wanna talk

330
00:13:51.580 --> 00:13:55.340
at one person at a time, fine, you can do that.

331
00:13:55.340 --> 00:13:58.060
But if you attach emotionally very quickly

332
00:13:58.060 --> 00:13:59.700
and you have not gained strength

333
00:13:59.700 --> 00:14:02.820
or that muscle is not the strongest muscle for you,

334
00:14:02.820 --> 00:14:06.180
you're gonna have to come up with a way to help yourself.

335
00:14:06.180 --> 00:14:08.460
Because if not, you're gonna end up frustrated,

336
00:14:08.460 --> 00:14:10.920
disappointed, full of anxiety,

337
00:14:11.820 --> 00:14:15.120
and overall usually end up in a very hurt space.

338
00:14:16.040 --> 00:14:20.360
Stage discovery, stage two is not for future planning.

339
00:14:20.360 --> 00:14:23.240
Even if he wants a future plan, you stop him.

340
00:14:24.680 --> 00:14:26.860
Don't let someone future plan,

341
00:14:28.280 --> 00:14:29.800
and don't use for an excuse,

342
00:14:29.800 --> 00:14:31.900
well, he did it, he said it.

343
00:14:34.280 --> 00:14:35.720
That doesn't matter.

344
00:14:35.720 --> 00:14:38.880
You have to guard your heart with all diligence.

345
00:14:38.880 --> 00:14:41.960
Even if he said it, whose heart is on the line?

346
00:14:41.960 --> 00:14:43.920
Whose feelings are on the line?

347
00:14:43.960 --> 00:14:46.760
Yours, because what he speaks,

348
00:14:46.760 --> 00:14:48.280
because you're partnering with the Lord,

349
00:14:48.280 --> 00:14:51.040
you're walking in faith, you're believing for kingdom spouse

350
00:14:51.040 --> 00:14:53.240
and especially if he checks any boxes,

351
00:14:53.240 --> 00:14:55.260
it's gonna be like music to your ears.

352
00:14:56.800 --> 00:15:00.080
And future casting in a level two.

353
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:06.480
in week one, week two, week three, week four, week five, week six of knowing someone is not

354
00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:13.680
safe for you. It's not safe for your heart and it's not safe for the pacing of getting to know

355
00:15:13.680 --> 00:15:19.920
a person. And remember, I am telling you this while you are sober in mind. When you start getting

356
00:15:19.920 --> 00:15:23.600
to know that person, something in you is going to feel like you know that you know that you know

357
00:15:23.600 --> 00:15:28.000
that you know that he's probably the one. And you're going to know that you know that you know,

358
00:15:28.000 --> 00:15:32.880
I just feel it. I just kind of know. I just know. I just know. I just know. I just know.

359
00:15:32.880 --> 00:15:36.560
And when you just know, you just know, you just know, you just know, you actually into

360
00:15:36.560 --> 00:15:42.240
a scarcity mindset and you ignore everything you should be paying attention to because those things

361
00:15:42.240 --> 00:15:45.840
are going to come against what you just know that you know, just you just know, just you just know.

362
00:15:47.440 --> 00:15:52.400
And so usually in the beginning of getting to know someone and we're not very grounded and we

363
00:15:52.400 --> 00:15:57.440
don't have anyone to lean on, we'll ignore some things we should pay attention to. And then we

364
00:15:57.440 --> 00:16:02.400
get further down the road, we'll be like, when it all fall apart, you can start naming everything

365
00:16:02.400 --> 00:16:07.280
that he did. I've processed with people before and they say, then he did this and then he did

366
00:16:07.280 --> 00:16:15.280
that. But you overlook those things because you like them. It's exciting. It feels good.

367
00:16:16.000 --> 00:16:20.640
And it doesn't carry such heavy weight. And so we don't let people future forecast,

368
00:16:21.680 --> 00:16:23.760
even if you know that you know that you know that you know.

369
00:16:24.640 --> 00:16:29.600
And I'm going to do this as an example, sometimes in level two. So let's get through this.

370
00:16:29.600 --> 00:16:33.280
It's not time for certainty because the truth is you don't know.

371
00:16:35.760 --> 00:16:41.600
It's just not you. You want any time you desire safety, certainty. If you feel yourself desire

372
00:16:41.600 --> 00:16:48.160
certainty, you know that this is a response from your nervous system trying to help you feel safe

373
00:16:48.160 --> 00:16:52.320
and secure. But you have to speak back to your nervous system and say, we don't need

374
00:16:52.640 --> 00:17:00.560
certainty in this stage. This is a stage for discovery. This is not a stage. This is also

375
00:17:00.560 --> 00:17:07.119
a stage where you're just observing. The goal of level two is not commitment. This is the danger

376
00:17:07.119 --> 00:17:12.880
of entering if when you talk to a person already saying, is this the one? I'm not going to waste

377
00:17:12.880 --> 00:17:18.480
my time. I'm not wasting my time talking to somebody. Is this the one? So I want to know

378
00:17:18.800 --> 00:17:25.040
if you answer certain questions, correct. Are you the one that is costly to your process? Because

379
00:17:25.040 --> 00:17:30.560
it's going to change your pacing. If you make a decision that you've decided that this person

380
00:17:30.560 --> 00:17:36.080
is the one you are going to move so fast, your head will spin. And I'm going to tell you what's

381
00:17:36.080 --> 00:17:39.440
going to happen. I watched it happen over and over, happened in my own life. And it's going

382
00:17:39.440 --> 00:17:46.160
to happen in your life. The truth of the matter is a certain level of infrastructure is required

383
00:17:46.160 --> 00:17:55.680
to uphold certain emotions and certain levels of vulnerability. Infrastructure can only be built

384
00:17:55.680 --> 00:18:04.560
over time. You can't rush infrastructure. You can't rush developing a friendship. That is timing.

385
00:18:06.160 --> 00:18:13.440
Your system requires time to build that way. And so what we do is we outpace our infrastructure

386
00:18:13.840 --> 00:18:20.320
and it all comes crumbling down and falling apart because the infrastructure has not built

387
00:18:20.320 --> 00:18:29.360
to hold it up. Infrastructure is only built in time. If you outpace yourself, it's going to fall

388
00:18:29.360 --> 00:18:37.600
apart. Because when you outpace your infrastructure, you don't have what it takes to sustain the level

389
00:18:37.600 --> 00:18:46.160
of emotional investment that you're adding. Your expectations that you're going to develop

390
00:18:46.160 --> 00:18:52.800
for that person is not going to withstand because you hadn't made it there to have the

391
00:18:52.800 --> 00:18:58.880
expectation of an individual. Are you tracking with me? You know you've outpaced yourself

392
00:18:58.880 --> 00:19:03.520
when it starts crumbling and you're going to know it because you can feel it.

393
00:19:04.080 --> 00:19:13.920
Hey, friend, can you mute for me? Oh, it's okay. Yeah. And so let's also talk about,

394
00:19:15.600 --> 00:19:23.280
let's keep going. Level two is for clarity. So what I think about Christians who get married

395
00:19:23.280 --> 00:19:27.920
within a month, you can get married within a month, but it doesn't change that you don't

396
00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:33.440
change that you don't have a friendship. You're just going to get to the other side of I do and

397
00:19:33.440 --> 00:19:37.120
have to learn how to be a friend to the person you married. Not only you got to learn how to

398
00:19:37.120 --> 00:19:40.800
be a friend, you're going to have to be a spouse at the same time. So you're going to have the

399
00:19:40.800 --> 00:19:45.200
expectation of a husband that you don't know. You're going to have the expectation of a wife

400
00:19:45.200 --> 00:19:49.760
that you don't know because you haven't learned them. And so you're not going to change your

401
00:19:49.760 --> 00:19:53.120
process of learning. You're just going to be sleeping with a person that you don't really

402
00:19:53.120 --> 00:19:57.680
know that much yet, but it's not going to change your expectation of them coming to

403
00:19:57.680 --> 00:19:59.840
the office of a wife in the office of.

404
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:07.080
husband. They're settled but you still have to go through the process. So whether

405
00:20:07.080 --> 00:20:14.720
you do it on one side or the other, on this side you have a chance to make

406
00:20:14.720 --> 00:20:18.720
adjustments and say oh you know what I really feel safer when you do this this

407
00:20:18.720 --> 00:20:24.360
way. But when you have an expectation of a person, especially in a marriage, that

408
00:20:24.360 --> 00:20:29.160
well you should just know. No they don't just know. They don't know what makes you

409
00:20:29.160 --> 00:20:33.280
feel safe. And so these conversations necessary will still have to be had and

410
00:20:33.280 --> 00:20:37.680
it still has to be made space for. And so you have to remember if you go

411
00:20:37.680 --> 00:20:42.360
into an accelerated marriage, you want to use the time that you have dating very

412
00:20:42.360 --> 00:20:46.000
wisely. Like if you believe that something about your life you're gonna

413
00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:49.080
have an accelerated marriage, this is an accelerated program so we've seen

414
00:20:49.080 --> 00:20:54.960
accelerated marriages. You know that your intentionality has to be on point. So

415
00:20:54.960 --> 00:20:58.360
that means you need to come in with a strategy when you decide to date

416
00:20:58.360 --> 00:21:04.720
someone on picking activities that help you get to know them. So you're not, you

417
00:21:04.720 --> 00:21:08.120
want to pick active activities where you get to see what makes them laugh, when

418
00:21:08.120 --> 00:21:11.400
you get to see if they're competitive. Like you want to be strategic in

419
00:21:11.400 --> 00:21:20.240
everything that you do. You want to be strategic in pacing. Pacing is everything.

420
00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:25.520
You want to be strategic and not to overload your emotions, that you keep it

421
00:21:25.560 --> 00:21:29.480
at a slow enough pace where you build. So you know you're gonna be building for

422
00:21:29.480 --> 00:21:34.400
two months, you better build well for two months. If you know that you want to be

423
00:21:34.400 --> 00:21:38.960
accelerated, there's something you just set your mind on. You set your mind on

424
00:21:38.960 --> 00:21:44.600
that, that means you need to build in community. You need to date in community.

425
00:21:44.600 --> 00:21:49.560
You need to date around people who see you, who see them. You need to do more

426
00:21:49.560 --> 00:21:55.400
double and triple dates than you do you and that person. Because you want

427
00:21:55.400 --> 00:22:04.400
observation and evaluation. So another goal of level two is clarity. So

428
00:22:04.400 --> 00:22:09.440
that's why we say it's a yes until it's a no. Meaning there's enough curiosity to

429
00:22:09.440 --> 00:22:16.400
continue. Like okay, no clear deal-breakers exist just yet. So you come

430
00:22:16.440 --> 00:22:20.040
up with your non-negotiables or what your deal-breakers are. But you know some

431
00:22:20.040 --> 00:22:22.800
deal-breakers are gonna be if you're a believer and they're not a believer. You're

432
00:22:22.800 --> 00:22:28.840
just not going any further with it. I mean, what is that? They're not committed

433
00:22:28.840 --> 00:22:32.080
to righteousness. As you grow with them, you begin to see their character. Not

434
00:22:32.080 --> 00:22:36.200
just because they say they love God. I cannot tell you how many men on dating

435
00:22:36.200 --> 00:22:39.560
apps say they love God or fear God. And they get on the phone with you and tell you they love God.

436
00:22:39.560 --> 00:22:44.720
But they literally do want you to have sex with them. They literally say sexual

437
00:22:44.840 --> 00:22:48.400
things to you. They say they're Christians but they don't operate that

438
00:22:48.400 --> 00:22:51.840
way. There are a lot of things. People have different definitions about what a

439
00:22:51.840 --> 00:22:55.520
committed relationship to Christ looks like. They have a different idea of what

440
00:22:55.520 --> 00:22:59.520
intimacy looks like. All of these things. Everybody has their own ideas about

441
00:22:59.520 --> 00:23:03.880
things and that's why you grow and learn each other. Another thing, you should be

442
00:23:03.880 --> 00:23:09.680
gathering information. You're observing patterns over moments. Hear me. If somebody

443
00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:16.000
calls you every day for the first week, you don't know if they're consistent yet.

444
00:23:16.000 --> 00:23:18.880
You just know they called you every day for the first week and then the next

445
00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:22.640
week maybe they didn't call you as much because they got busy. Well, you need

446
00:23:22.640 --> 00:23:27.040
another week to determine are they consistent or what this week they just

447
00:23:27.040 --> 00:23:33.520
really busy and they're gonna pick back up. Only time can tell you. The first week

448
00:23:33.520 --> 00:23:38.880
doesn't count. The first week cannot count for a person's pattern. You just

449
00:23:38.880 --> 00:23:42.160
know what they did for the first week. They were excited. You were excited. You

450
00:23:42.160 --> 00:23:45.200
probably stayed up later than you usually would talking to them. There are

451
00:23:45.200 --> 00:23:49.040
a lot of things. So you need to give it to pick up a pattern. You need to give

452
00:23:49.040 --> 00:23:52.840
yourself at least four weeks. One week, two weeks. Into the third week, you should

453
00:23:52.840 --> 00:23:57.200
maybe see some type of ebb and flow with what they got going on but probably not

454
00:23:57.200 --> 00:24:02.760
as much. But into the fourth week, you'll see more. And that's how you observe

455
00:24:02.760 --> 00:24:09.000
patterns over moments. You can't talk to them two times and say they're

456
00:24:09.000 --> 00:24:16.000
not consistent. You just can't say it because you don't know. You haven't had

457
00:24:16.000 --> 00:24:19.440
enough time to determine that. The reason why I'm using it is because I've done that

458
00:24:19.440 --> 00:24:25.000
before. Pacing, when you don't keep a rhythm of pacing, it just throws things

459
00:24:25.000 --> 00:24:30.280
off. What happens when we emotionally skip levels? I kind of talked about that

460
00:24:30.280 --> 00:24:34.120
ahead of time. You outpace yourself and you don't have the infrastructures to

461
00:24:34.120 --> 00:24:39.360
sustain what you've done. So there are many ways depending on if we're

462
00:24:39.360 --> 00:24:42.960
anxious or avoiding. If we've learned these patterns of love from our childhood,

463
00:24:42.960 --> 00:24:47.440
things show up. So let me give you an example. We talk every day so maybe this

464
00:24:47.440 --> 00:24:52.140
is serious. You can believe if you talk every day, this might be serious. Or you

465
00:24:52.140 --> 00:24:56.840
may believe I stopped talking to other men, you'll do this. You talk every day

466
00:24:56.840 --> 00:24:59.600
so there must be serious. So I just stopped talking to other men because of

467
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.680
person or they say, well,

468
00:25:03.680 --> 00:25:07.520
I really just talked to one person at a time or I'm not on the apps.

469
00:25:07.520 --> 00:25:08.960
Once I met you, I came out.

470
00:25:09.200 --> 00:25:13.360
So you make the decision that you're going to come off to listen

471
00:25:14.560 --> 00:25:18.800
and now, now don't let you find out that before he got out the app,

472
00:25:18.800 --> 00:25:20.520
he was already talking to other women,

473
00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:26.280
but you weren't talking to anybody else. And I'm going to tell you for,

474
00:25:26.320 --> 00:25:28.720
for a fact, I've come out for app before,

475
00:25:28.720 --> 00:25:32.600
but I still had two other people I was talking to besides that one person that

476
00:25:32.600 --> 00:25:34.360
already had my number from the app.

477
00:25:34.760 --> 00:25:37.160
So that's why it says they come out to app doesn't mean anything,

478
00:25:37.160 --> 00:25:40.200
but whether they don't talk to anyone else or not,

479
00:25:40.440 --> 00:25:43.960
do not assume the position of making yourself exclusive.

480
00:25:43.960 --> 00:25:47.480
If they've not asked you to be exclusive with them. Hey, listen,

481
00:25:47.720 --> 00:25:52.280
that is an honor. They should be asking you that you should not be picking up

482
00:25:52.280 --> 00:25:54.720
after their little signs that you're going to do what they did.

483
00:25:54.960 --> 00:25:56.920
If a man wants you to go exclusive with him,

484
00:25:56.920 --> 00:26:00.040
he's going to have to open up his mouth and ask you to take you out to market.

485
00:26:01.240 --> 00:26:04.000
You're not coming out no market. Cause he said he not on the market.

486
00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:08.080
What'd they got to do with you? You want some serious stuff happening around here.

487
00:26:08.440 --> 00:26:13.320
Okay. Um, when he pulls back after three days and you go,

488
00:26:13.320 --> 00:26:16.160
what happened? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?

489
00:26:16.160 --> 00:26:19.400
Of course we won't evaluate things cause we don't do want to see what goes wrong.

490
00:26:19.640 --> 00:26:21.600
But if somebody pulls back after three days,

491
00:26:21.960 --> 00:26:24.720
if they don't say something to you or voice something to you,

492
00:26:24.720 --> 00:26:28.000
it's not about what did you do? They're showing you who they are.

493
00:26:29.000 --> 00:26:32.320
And so many times we believe it's about who we are,

494
00:26:32.320 --> 00:26:33.520
but they're showing you who they are.

495
00:26:33.680 --> 00:26:36.800
If they can't have a respectable conversation with you, if they ghost you,

496
00:26:36.960 --> 00:26:39.240
they're showing you who they are.

497
00:26:42.720 --> 00:26:45.880
Oh friend, I'm scared to open up one screen or the other.

498
00:26:45.880 --> 00:26:49.960
So hold on to that question cause it didn't all come up at one time. All right.

499
00:26:49.960 --> 00:26:54.640
And then we have the, if it doesn't work out, I just wasted two months. Listen,

500
00:26:54.680 --> 00:26:59.080
I am the queen of it. I'm like, look, brother,

501
00:27:00.720 --> 00:27:03.720
I don't have two months to give away, but it's not true.

502
00:27:04.000 --> 00:27:07.760
You're not giving two months away. This was my cry. Um,

503
00:27:07.760 --> 00:27:10.160
when I was in this, in the thing, you know,

504
00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:15.000
of course Jackie was my coach and I'm like, I'm not wasting my time.

505
00:27:15.320 --> 00:27:19.760
I want to know ABCD and I want to know right up front cause I

506
00:27:19.760 --> 00:27:23.000
believed that if you said it, it was true.

507
00:27:24.760 --> 00:27:25.600
I believed it.

508
00:27:26.680 --> 00:27:28.400
I believe that whatever that man said,

509
00:27:28.400 --> 00:27:30.240
this was the truth and I was going to run with it.

510
00:27:30.240 --> 00:27:34.400
And that is dangerous to you because you are

511
00:27:34.480 --> 00:27:39.440
refusing to understand that observation tells you who a person is and

512
00:27:39.440 --> 00:27:40.440
not what they say.

513
00:27:45.040 --> 00:27:49.120
Women believe words. We like communication. We like what we hear.

514
00:27:49.360 --> 00:27:52.920
Men observe. You have to learn how to be observer.

515
00:27:53.080 --> 00:27:57.680
We are fruit inspectors. We inspect fruit. Okay.

516
00:27:58.080 --> 00:28:02.760
So you're not wasting your time when you talk to someone for two months.

517
00:28:03.320 --> 00:28:05.480
Um, maybe I should stop dating. You may have thoughts like,

518
00:28:05.480 --> 00:28:08.360
maybe I should stop dating. If this just not going over, I'm tired of this.

519
00:28:09.600 --> 00:28:12.600
Level two is for discovery.

520
00:28:12.880 --> 00:28:15.920
There is not one person you would date that you're not going to discover

521
00:28:15.920 --> 00:28:17.200
something about yourself.

522
00:28:17.200 --> 00:28:22.200
I, I have outpaced myself when I was on the other side and I've outpaced

523
00:28:22.200 --> 00:28:23.320
myself as a coach.

524
00:28:25.720 --> 00:28:29.960
I've done both having all of the guardrails actively in my mind.

525
00:28:32.040 --> 00:28:34.000
There are things that I learned about myself.

526
00:28:34.200 --> 00:28:37.480
There are certain things that could be said to me that could trigger different

527
00:28:37.720 --> 00:28:40.600
thought patterns in me. I've had to,

528
00:28:40.840 --> 00:28:44.640
accountability is key like with every person that I've talked to,

529
00:28:44.760 --> 00:28:48.240
accountability is key. Like with every person that I've dated,

530
00:28:48.480 --> 00:28:50.680
it has, I've always learned something,

531
00:28:51.000 --> 00:28:54.880
always learned something about me and always grew.

532
00:28:55.080 --> 00:28:57.560
There's no such thing as you're wasting your time.

533
00:28:57.560 --> 00:29:00.240
I'm telling you there's so many things to discover about yourself.

534
00:29:00.640 --> 00:29:01.840
And as you grow,

535
00:29:01.840 --> 00:29:05.320
you should see yourself implement the things that you learn in the next

536
00:29:05.320 --> 00:29:07.960
relationship and you should get stronger and stronger.

537
00:29:08.960 --> 00:29:11.640
And it's a beautiful sight to see. All right.

538
00:29:11.880 --> 00:29:14.880
And so let's talk about, uh, seven 30.

539
00:29:14.920 --> 00:29:18.000
Let's talk about hard work, anxious and avoidant.

540
00:29:18.320 --> 00:29:21.880
So usually an anxious attachment, if you hear yourself in this,

541
00:29:22.160 --> 00:29:24.640
which I am more bent toward anxious attachment,

542
00:29:24.920 --> 00:29:27.640
though I told you guys this before, though I've been that way,

543
00:29:27.640 --> 00:29:31.040
I've been myself the other way to more of a secure attachment because I don't

544
00:29:31.040 --> 00:29:34.160
have to live out of the pattern that my parents taught me.

545
00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:38.080
And neither do you. You don't have to live from that place.

546
00:29:38.280 --> 00:29:41.960
We have a more perfect love that comes through Christ Jesus that lives in us.

547
00:29:42.000 --> 00:29:45.640
We can allow it to give, give life to us and to those around us.

548
00:29:45.880 --> 00:29:48.120
But I lean more towards the anxious attachment.

549
00:29:48.120 --> 00:29:50.120
I have to always reel myself back in.

550
00:29:50.480 --> 00:29:54.400
So anxious attachment, people need certainty.

551
00:29:54.760 --> 00:29:58.000
I'm telling you sometimes I've, I need certainly like I need the air.

552
00:29:58.000 --> 00:29:59.760
I breathe. That's how much.

553
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.240
It was like, I need to know.

554
00:30:04.240 --> 00:30:06.280
Listen, I will talk about the elephant in the room

555
00:30:06.280 --> 00:30:07.200
so I can feel safe.

556
00:30:07.200 --> 00:30:08.400
I don't care how bad it is.

557
00:30:08.400 --> 00:30:09.240
It's like, whatever.

558
00:30:09.240 --> 00:30:11.440
Let's just get it out the way.

559
00:30:11.440 --> 00:30:14.080
Who killed who?

560
00:30:14.080 --> 00:30:17.040
I don't care how bad it is.

561
00:30:17.040 --> 00:30:18.080
Just tell me.

562
00:30:18.080 --> 00:30:19.720
I'll deal with me later.

563
00:30:19.720 --> 00:30:21.000
I'll deal with my own heart.

564
00:30:21.000 --> 00:30:22.280
I'll deal with my own emotions.

565
00:30:22.280 --> 00:30:23.880
You ain't got to do nothing for me.

566
00:30:23.880 --> 00:30:27.720
But I'm going to feel safe if I just get to the bottom of this.

567
00:30:27.720 --> 00:30:29.760
And that's just me, right?

568
00:30:29.760 --> 00:30:32.760
So you need certainty when you're talking to somebody.

569
00:30:32.760 --> 00:30:35.320
Everything is, what does this mean?

570
00:30:35.320 --> 00:30:36.520
What does this mean?

571
00:30:36.520 --> 00:30:37.480
Is this a sign?

572
00:30:37.480 --> 00:30:39.400
I remember when I said this, and I said this.

573
00:30:39.400 --> 00:30:40.320
Maybe this means this.

574
00:30:40.320 --> 00:30:43.360
Or where is this going?

575
00:30:43.360 --> 00:30:46.000
You're on day two, day three, or week one.

576
00:30:46.000 --> 00:30:47.320
It's like, where is this going?

577
00:30:47.320 --> 00:30:48.400
Or why hasn't he texted?

578
00:30:48.400 --> 00:30:50.360
Who's ever picked up their phone just to look?

579
00:30:50.360 --> 00:30:52.360
Now, you know what the text come through is going to highlight.

580
00:30:52.360 --> 00:30:53.480
But you just keep checking.

581
00:30:53.480 --> 00:30:54.800
Like, everybody texts back.

582
00:30:54.800 --> 00:30:57.920
Like, this constant loop in your mind, right?

583
00:30:57.920 --> 00:31:01.120
Or does he still like me?

584
00:31:01.120 --> 00:31:05.640
I've been so bold enough, I just ask, do you like me?

585
00:31:05.640 --> 00:31:08.760
Oh, yeah, what do you like about me?

586
00:31:08.760 --> 00:31:10.200
What is it that you like about me?

587
00:31:10.200 --> 00:31:13.200
I'm not fishing for compliments.

588
00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:15.360
I just want to know what do you like about me.

589
00:31:15.360 --> 00:31:20.440
So just that strong, anxious, oh, strong, anxious attacker.

590
00:31:20.440 --> 00:31:26.000
You, yeah, you have to know yourself

591
00:31:26.000 --> 00:31:27.280
when you hear those thoughts.

592
00:31:27.280 --> 00:31:29.760
Know that this is your attachment style,

593
00:31:29.760 --> 00:31:34.560
trying to operate through you and reel yourself back in.

594
00:31:34.560 --> 00:31:36.520
Because the truth is, there's no certainty

595
00:31:36.520 --> 00:31:38.080
that a person can give you.

596
00:31:38.080 --> 00:31:41.160
Safety comes in you first.

597
00:31:41.160 --> 00:31:43.640
They cannot produce a safety for you.

598
00:31:43.640 --> 00:31:45.800
You have to produce your own safety.

599
00:31:45.800 --> 00:31:47.840
Safety comes through you.

600
00:31:47.840 --> 00:31:50.240
Your security comes through you.

601
00:31:50.240 --> 00:31:54.000
Nobody else can provide safety and security for you but you.

602
00:31:54.000 --> 00:31:57.040
If you depend on another person to provide safety and security

603
00:31:57.800 --> 00:32:02.080
for you and they don't do it, you're going to fall apart.

604
00:32:02.080 --> 00:32:04.040
And you live with the pain from it.

605
00:32:07.320 --> 00:32:10.640
So the temptation is to rush clarity

606
00:32:10.640 --> 00:32:13.720
so that you can calm your anxiety.

607
00:32:13.720 --> 00:32:16.400
So I just want this clarity so I can feel calm.

608
00:32:16.400 --> 00:32:19.480
Have you ever been so in a loop, in a loop, in a loop,

609
00:32:19.480 --> 00:32:22.360
as soon as that person called, everything changes?

610
00:32:22.360 --> 00:32:23.960
And now you're back settled.

611
00:32:23.960 --> 00:32:25.280
Now you're back happy.

612
00:32:25.320 --> 00:32:27.200
Now you're back peaceful.

613
00:32:27.200 --> 00:32:31.600
That is usually what a person who is anxiously attached feels.

614
00:32:31.600 --> 00:32:34.760
All of a sudden, the things are clearer now.

615
00:32:34.760 --> 00:32:37.960
But you can stay healthy while pacing.

616
00:32:37.960 --> 00:32:39.800
So you say things to yourself like,

617
00:32:39.800 --> 00:32:42.400
I can stay curious while gathering information.

618
00:32:42.400 --> 00:32:44.440
It may be hard, but I can do it.

619
00:32:44.440 --> 00:32:46.160
And I'll get a community to help you.

620
00:32:46.160 --> 00:32:47.920
If you're avoiding attachment, you

621
00:32:47.920 --> 00:32:49.840
sound like this in your head.

622
00:32:49.840 --> 00:32:51.360
I need distance.

623
00:32:51.360 --> 00:32:53.200
This feels vulnerable.

624
00:32:53.200 --> 00:32:55.080
What if I get hurt?

625
00:32:55.080 --> 00:32:59.200
Maybe this isn't even right, or something feels off to me.

626
00:33:01.880 --> 00:33:04.560
Something's just, and if you're spiritual, oh my goodness.

627
00:33:04.560 --> 00:33:07.080
In my spirit, I just feel like something is off.

628
00:33:07.080 --> 00:33:10.880
Let me tell you something, you guys.

629
00:33:10.880 --> 00:33:16.160
Your nervous system is a real thing that has to be healed.

630
00:33:16.160 --> 00:33:20.200
Your brain, the patterns, the pathways in your brain

631
00:33:20.200 --> 00:33:23.640
that have been shaped by your history in life

632
00:33:23.640 --> 00:33:26.680
are things that you have to actually reshape.

633
00:33:26.680 --> 00:33:29.640
So when your brain tells you that something is off,

634
00:33:29.640 --> 00:33:32.080
you have to remind, give your brain a new thought

635
00:33:32.080 --> 00:33:35.320
so that your brain can tell your nervous system to calm down.

636
00:33:35.320 --> 00:33:37.400
I think I used this example last time.

637
00:33:37.400 --> 00:33:39.920
Let's just say me and Fran.

638
00:33:39.920 --> 00:33:42.640
Fran loves dogs, and she feels safe around them.

639
00:33:42.640 --> 00:33:44.200
But I got bit by a dog.

640
00:33:44.200 --> 00:33:45.240
I walk up to a dog.

641
00:33:45.240 --> 00:33:46.680
That dog seems aggressive to me.

642
00:33:46.680 --> 00:33:49.160
My nervous system goes bazooka.

643
00:33:49.160 --> 00:33:53.160
And she just sitting there playing with the dog.

644
00:33:53.160 --> 00:33:55.840
I'm not in danger, but my memory,

645
00:33:55.840 --> 00:33:57.680
my nervous system has a memory.

646
00:33:57.680 --> 00:34:01.000
My brain has a memory of what happened to me around a dog.

647
00:34:01.000 --> 00:34:02.160
And I'm in high alert.

648
00:34:02.160 --> 00:34:04.360
And she's looking at me like, what's wrong?

649
00:34:04.360 --> 00:34:06.520
Everything is OK.

650
00:34:06.520 --> 00:34:09.239
Am I being logical right now?

651
00:34:09.239 --> 00:34:12.840
No, I'm working off an old experience.

652
00:34:12.840 --> 00:34:16.560
And so as spiritual as I am, I can say in the name of Jesus

653
00:34:16.560 --> 00:34:20.040
all I want, but that's not going to override this pattern.

654
00:34:20.040 --> 00:34:22.960
And so Christ tells us, he said, renew your mind daily

655
00:34:23.760 --> 00:34:25.400
because your mind instructs your brain and your brain

656
00:34:25.400 --> 00:34:26.960
instructs your nervous system.

657
00:34:26.960 --> 00:34:29.880
So you have to feed your mind with new thoughts that give you

658
00:34:29.880 --> 00:34:31.520
new pathways in your brain.

659
00:34:31.520 --> 00:34:33.719
And then your brain will feed your nervous system.

660
00:34:33.719 --> 00:34:37.040
And your brain will say to your nervous system, hey, we're safe.

661
00:34:37.040 --> 00:34:38.360
Everything is OK.

662
00:34:38.360 --> 00:34:42.159
Or you tell yourself, we're safe.

663
00:34:42.159 --> 00:34:43.400
We don't need certainty.

664
00:34:43.400 --> 00:34:45.280
We're in discovery.

665
00:34:45.280 --> 00:34:47.000
We don't have to run.

666
00:34:47.000 --> 00:34:48.520
This is a journey.

667
00:34:48.520 --> 00:34:50.639
And so something feels off.

668
00:34:50.639 --> 00:34:52.040
Something could be off.

669
00:34:52.040 --> 00:34:54.560
I'll know in time if something is off.

670
00:34:54.560 --> 00:34:57.760
My only job is to pace myself.

671
00:34:57.760 --> 00:34:59.600
That's my only job.

672
00:34:59.600 --> 00:35:01.480
I'm on my way.

673
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:08.000
fruit inspector. I learned everything I need to know in time. Hey, Miss Bunny. Hey.

674
00:35:12.080 --> 00:35:20.000
All right. So I'm going to move us on. Discovery dating is not wasted time. If you need to write

675
00:35:20.000 --> 00:35:25.520
that on your wall, Miss Bunny, will you mute your camera for me? I mean, your computer for me.

676
00:35:26.160 --> 00:35:32.480
Discovery dating is not wasted time. It's going to be a place where you learn yourself

677
00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:38.000
very, very well. Discovery dating is fun. It's exciting and it prepares you for marriage.

678
00:35:38.960 --> 00:35:44.080
It builds capacity and it teaches you about yourself. Let me tell you something. There's

679
00:35:44.080 --> 00:35:48.160
no threat like the threat of a man that you're dating and them getting close to your heart.

680
00:35:49.120 --> 00:35:58.320
Okay. Many of us, and I said this before, you treat level two like level one. Level two,

681
00:35:58.320 --> 00:36:03.600
I mean, you treat level two like level three and you haven't made to exclusivity yet.

682
00:36:04.960 --> 00:36:10.560
So maybe you learned, and you're going to learn this if you date enough,

683
00:36:10.560 --> 00:36:16.000
you may rush emotional intimacy. Consistency matters more than chemistry. So a lot of times

684
00:36:16.000 --> 00:36:20.240
we feel like if we didn't feel any sparks, this is not going anywhere, but consistency matters

685
00:36:20.240 --> 00:36:25.120
more than chemistry. You can have chemistry or what you call chemistry, but there's no consistency.

686
00:36:25.120 --> 00:36:29.760
It burns out quickly. You're going to realize that you ignore some flags. If you go through

687
00:36:29.760 --> 00:36:35.280
this process, you're going to learn how you can stay open without attaching. And that is a skill

688
00:36:35.280 --> 00:36:42.560
within itself to stay open without attaching. And then you can discover what actually feels safe

689
00:36:42.560 --> 00:36:47.040
and aligned. I'm going to tell you something. However, your nervous system responds to stuff

690
00:36:47.040 --> 00:36:51.200
while you're single, it's going to be the same way you respond to something when you're married.

691
00:36:52.240 --> 00:36:59.280
I do is not going to change you. It's going to take you with all your unhealthy behaviors or

692
00:36:59.280 --> 00:37:05.680
your undealt with issues and put you in a union with somebody that now has to live with you until

693
00:37:05.680 --> 00:37:11.520
you grow. If you even choose to grow. And if you didn't make the choice to grow when you weren't

694
00:37:11.520 --> 00:37:14.560
married, what are the chances you're going to make the choice to grow when you're comfortable

695
00:37:14.560 --> 00:37:21.440
in this thing you so desire called marriage? Nothing's going to trigger your nervous system

696
00:37:21.440 --> 00:37:26.320
like being in relation marriage with a person that the decisions they make directly affect you.

697
00:37:28.080 --> 00:37:33.680
You tell me I scared. Your nervous system is going to be all over the place.

698
00:37:35.200 --> 00:37:40.800
And you're going to throw it off on them. And you got to keep doing life with them.

699
00:37:40.800 --> 00:37:46.080
And so you want to learn these things in a short time while you're dating is very helpful.

700
00:37:47.760 --> 00:37:55.120
So sometimes God uses dating to reveal our healing places that we need to be healed. He is a master

701
00:37:55.120 --> 00:38:01.680
at this. He's not punishing you. It's not to waste your time, but it's to reveal growth.

702
00:38:03.040 --> 00:38:07.760
Because when you're hurting relationships, you're healed in relationships. And sometimes the

703
00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:12.720
discovery is the point of growth. I told you, ladies, this before, and I've experienced this

704
00:38:12.720 --> 00:38:16.640
on my own journey. There are going to be some men that come into your life that you date and

705
00:38:16.640 --> 00:38:21.280
they're coming simply to restore. There are going to be some men that come into your life that come

706
00:38:21.280 --> 00:38:25.760
to bring upgrade. They're going to treat you so well, but just because they treat you so well,

707
00:38:25.760 --> 00:38:29.360
don't mean that they're the one for you, but they're going to treat you so well. And they're

708
00:38:29.360 --> 00:38:35.680
going to bring you up to another level of expectation because to get what heaven has for

709
00:38:35.680 --> 00:38:42.560
you, he has to raise your expectations of the type of man that he has for you. And you really

710
00:38:42.560 --> 00:38:49.440
don't in your mind, you think, you know, some I want A, B, C, D you got to be like, and you've

711
00:38:49.440 --> 00:38:52.640
only been in relationship with Jesus. You've only been in relationship with the people who

712
00:38:52.640 --> 00:38:57.040
didn't treat you. Right. And so this is all the background you have. So he needs to come and

713
00:38:57.040 --> 00:39:01.520
field you with the expectation that you have to have. I'm telling you, I don't believe this

714
00:39:01.520 --> 00:39:07.600
is a coincidence because God doesn't do coincidences in my life. I went from dating some

715
00:39:07.600 --> 00:39:12.160
righteous man who was a believer, who was the leader, whatever, dah, dah, dah, at the lowest

716
00:39:12.160 --> 00:39:16.160
of the low, broke, didn't have nothing. And I'm just, I'm not criticizing, but I'm just telling

717
00:39:16.160 --> 00:39:22.480
you his status. One week I was talking to a man who says he, he was a bishop in the church. He

718
00:39:22.480 --> 00:39:25.920
never wanted to talk about the word. He never want to do any of these things. He didn't have

719
00:39:25.920 --> 00:39:28.960
to talk about the word with me, but you would think he would have some enthusiasm about Jesus,

720
00:39:28.960 --> 00:39:35.760
but he didn't. Right. But he's all of these things. And then within three weeks after that,

721
00:39:35.760 --> 00:39:44.880
I'm talking to this high level earner, very, very high level earner, earner. And he is a teacher of

722
00:39:44.880 --> 00:39:49.920
the word. He's a mentor of the word. He was absolutely amazing. Now tell me, what are the

723
00:39:49.920 --> 00:39:55.600
chances I talked to somebody here and somebody here? I didn't realize there were some areas that

724
00:39:55.600 --> 00:39:59.760
I needed an upgrading because I thought to myself when I met this.

725
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:09.680
high-level earner. I was kind of stuttered by myself just at the quality of a man that he was.

726
00:40:10.320 --> 00:40:14.560
And I realized that there were some places in me that had not allowed for a man of such greatness.

727
00:40:15.920 --> 00:40:23.120
And so God was upgrading me in that, you know, so just that. So if I had tagged on to either

728
00:40:23.120 --> 00:40:27.200
one of them and said they were mine, I would have missed what the Lord was trying to do with me.

729
00:40:27.200 --> 00:40:31.920
Does that make sense? It is a clear spiritual image of the Lord trying to upgrade me in every

730
00:40:31.920 --> 00:40:38.160
low place in me. He was bringing me up to a high place so that my expectations can be rightly

731
00:40:38.160 --> 00:40:44.160
aligned to what he wanted to release in my life. Those things I could not see in me. So just like

732
00:40:44.160 --> 00:40:48.480
that one man was low, low, low, there were some low, low, low places in me that I had no thought

733
00:40:48.480 --> 00:40:53.040
of. I had no idea about. And then there were some places in me that needed to be upgraded to what

734
00:40:53.040 --> 00:40:58.400
the other guy was or the things that he introduced into my life. And so both of them came to serve me,

735
00:40:58.400 --> 00:41:03.440
even though they didn't get to stay. Okay. So it's 741. I want to go ahead and take our

736
00:41:03.440 --> 00:41:18.240
questions. There is an activation and we're going to post it. And let me touch on this. Oh,

737
00:41:18.240 --> 00:41:21.360
my hand went up so quick. I thought I was going to touch on something, but I won't be touching on

738
00:41:21.440 --> 00:41:28.400
this. I want you to, I'm going to open my screen back up. When we do go into

739
00:41:32.480 --> 00:41:38.080
exclusivity, a lot of people say, once I go exclusive, what do I do? I want to tell you

740
00:41:38.080 --> 00:41:42.640
this. I created my own strategy for when I go exclusive. And I think it's a really good one.

741
00:41:43.920 --> 00:41:50.960
When you go exclusive, it's time to hit the ground running. This means that if you saw

742
00:41:50.960 --> 00:41:56.000
areas that you feel like they needed some trauma counseling on, if you saw some areas where, you

743
00:41:56.000 --> 00:42:00.240
know, they need some helping, listen, you guys, just because somebody needs help, doesn't mean

744
00:42:00.240 --> 00:42:05.600
that they're not going to make up. They're not mature marriage model masculine. We all need help,

745
00:42:05.600 --> 00:42:10.000
but you want to tackle it because if you go off the market for somebody, you're saying that you

746
00:42:10.000 --> 00:42:14.480
would marry them pretty much. You're saying I'm about to evaluate you for marriage. Are y'all

747
00:42:14.480 --> 00:42:18.880
tracking with me? I'm going to pull myself at the market. I want to see where this could go.

748
00:42:18.880 --> 00:42:26.800
Use your time wisely. Because for me, if I go exclusive, now I can waste my time. If I don't

749
00:42:26.800 --> 00:42:32.160
use it, well, I don't need another movie date. I don't need another coffee date. We got to get

750
00:42:32.160 --> 00:42:37.120
down to business to figure out if we are best fit for each other. That means you're coming around my

751
00:42:37.120 --> 00:42:42.560
community. You're coming around wise men in my community, people who I know, know how to evaluate

752
00:42:42.560 --> 00:42:48.720
a man. I am now entrusting you to my community to tell my community, to tell me what they think

753
00:42:48.720 --> 00:42:55.440
of you, to tell me what they think of us together. How do I show up with you? And then any little

754
00:42:55.440 --> 00:43:00.960
things that I saw now, we're going to discuss those things. Like, hey, I need you to get help

755
00:43:00.960 --> 00:43:07.440
in this area, right? I need you to get some little help if we're going to move forward in this. You

756
00:43:07.440 --> 00:43:12.400
need to see how willing they are to grow in areas because that's going to be important for you.

757
00:43:12.480 --> 00:43:19.200
And so what I did was, if I go exclusive, I really do set it up where I pick two or three

758
00:43:19.200 --> 00:43:24.880
couples that are kingdom marriages that I know that are solid and true. And that's who me and

759
00:43:24.880 --> 00:43:29.040
the person go out with every time we go out, whether it's bowling, whether it's game night,

760
00:43:29.040 --> 00:43:35.920
whatever it is, we're around them for mentorship. And that person also picks mentors that he trusts.

761
00:43:36.720 --> 00:43:42.640
And my idea, the way I set it up is, if we were to move into marriage, these were people that we

762
00:43:42.640 --> 00:43:47.120
will be in covenant partnership with, that will be the community for the growth of our marriage.

763
00:43:48.160 --> 00:43:52.800
Right? And so we're picking people who we know carry wisdom, and we're going to do the rest of

764
00:43:52.800 --> 00:43:58.480
our time with them. And then you'll do family stuff, and this is then another, but it'll be

765
00:43:58.480 --> 00:44:03.600
under somebody's under, that we're under their kind of guyship. This is not premarital counseling.

766
00:44:03.600 --> 00:44:08.320
This is just somebody to help guide us to pick up things that we can't see, that we don't know

767
00:44:08.320 --> 00:44:14.240
about. They have more wisdom. And so I say, when you go exclusive with people, now's not the time

768
00:44:14.240 --> 00:44:18.240
that this is where we don't waste time. You want to dig in. You're not acting like you're married.

769
00:44:18.800 --> 00:44:22.960
You're not digging out into deep, deep stuff. You're going to work your way there, but you will

770
00:44:22.960 --> 00:44:27.760
dig into some things that are very important. And you want to know what those important things are.

771
00:44:27.760 --> 00:44:32.480
And that's why you need wise people in your life. You need very wise community,

772
00:44:32.480 --> 00:44:37.360
that once you go exclusive, you're not wasting time drinking coffee anymore and going out to

773
00:44:37.360 --> 00:44:43.680
dinner. You can still go, but this, you know what I'm saying? Like you've done a lot of that before

774
00:44:43.680 --> 00:44:49.280
now. So let's dig in. Okay. All right. I don't know who was first. I only had half a screen.

775
00:44:49.280 --> 00:44:54.320
So if you know who you are, go. And Fran, what was the question that you posted? Let me,

776
00:44:54.320 --> 00:44:59.280
let me answer that question that Fran posted in the chat, and then anybody else can go after that.

777
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.840
So I had two questions. My first one, somebody else had the same question, but my last one is

778
00:45:05.840 --> 00:45:12.400
just about what you just said. So you talked about being around community, family, friends,

779
00:45:12.400 --> 00:45:17.040
all that stuff. How do you do that if it's a long distance relationship?

780
00:45:18.320 --> 00:45:22.400
That's the thing about long distance relationships, and it's very challenging.

781
00:45:23.200 --> 00:45:28.240
And so that means whenever you all visit each other, you're going to have to maximize

782
00:45:28.720 --> 00:45:35.760
your visits. You're going to have to do probably longer visits, and long distance relationships

783
00:45:35.760 --> 00:45:41.440
require finances. You really need to experience that person as much as you possibly can,

784
00:45:41.440 --> 00:45:45.360
because there's a big difference from FaceTime and being on the phone and experience.

785
00:45:48.400 --> 00:45:55.920
But whenever you do visit, you got to maximize it to the core, like on steroids, not rushing,

786
00:45:56.560 --> 00:46:02.400
but early on, you need to start introducing some key players, mentorship.

787
00:46:05.040 --> 00:46:09.440
Okay. So my first question, I think Cherish had the same question as well.

788
00:46:10.720 --> 00:46:15.600
How do you get to phase two, which is my issue personally. I have never

789
00:46:16.720 --> 00:46:22.960
reached phase two. So how do you push specifically through lack of attraction when meeting someone

790
00:46:22.960 --> 00:46:31.760
for the first time? All right. So level one is just talking to somebody, like, hey, friend,

791
00:46:31.760 --> 00:46:36.960
nice to meet you. That's level one. Level two is when you go on a date or when you start talking

792
00:46:36.960 --> 00:46:41.200
on the phone back and forth. That's already level two. You're already entered into it.

793
00:46:41.920 --> 00:46:48.880
Level one is just to come in pleasantries. How do you get past... If you can't get past how

794
00:46:48.880 --> 00:46:54.560
they look, you're probably not going to go out with them. If they look that rough to you,

795
00:46:56.080 --> 00:47:02.480
ain't no how are you going to accept it or you're not. That's how you do that. Does that make sense?

796
00:47:05.200 --> 00:47:10.000
Well, then it's problematic because most of the people I go on a date with,

797
00:47:11.440 --> 00:47:17.680
I had to reflect for myself. They are actually good looking, but they're not necessarily my type.

798
00:47:19.200 --> 00:47:27.200
So how do you push through that so that you can get to know the person and just give room for

799
00:47:28.960 --> 00:47:32.080
that thing, that attraction to build up?

800
00:47:34.000 --> 00:47:40.560
Okay. Well, then you have to determine what is your type. What do you mean by they're not your

801
00:47:40.560 --> 00:47:51.600
type? You have to deal with what you're saying your type is and you have to deal with, is this

802
00:47:51.600 --> 00:47:59.200
thing that you're saying your type based on superficial things? Is it based on vanity or

803
00:47:59.200 --> 00:48:08.960
is it based on non-negotiables? So their nose is, let's just say, this is not your thing. I don't

804
00:48:09.520 --> 00:48:15.360
know. Their nose is big or I really don't like the way their teeth kind of twist over a little bit.

805
00:48:16.080 --> 00:48:20.160
Well, if they're a great person, can they go to the dentist? Huh? You know what I'm saying?

806
00:48:20.160 --> 00:48:23.760
Or, oh, they're not tall enough. Oh, well.

807
00:48:27.280 --> 00:48:31.120
That's a thing for me. Height is a big thing for me, for sure.

808
00:48:31.920 --> 00:48:36.800
Yeah. So that may be one of the things that you want to kick to the curb.

809
00:48:39.680 --> 00:48:45.760
Most all women say height is a thing for them. Most all women.

810
00:48:48.640 --> 00:48:52.880
And height has nothing to do with the value of a man.

811
00:48:55.280 --> 00:49:00.160
Height has nothing to do with that, right? But it plays into the attraction part where

812
00:49:00.160 --> 00:49:06.560
when you are with the person, you're like, ugh. I don't know. Maybe I just need to work on myself,

813
00:49:06.560 --> 00:49:15.040
but I feel like the energy I give off, there is an energy I give off. Even if I'm here and I'm

814
00:49:15.040 --> 00:49:21.760
trying to be open, I feel like I get that type of energy where I'm on guard and I put some distance

815
00:49:21.760 --> 00:49:26.800
and maybe they get... I don't know, but I'm not... Yeah.

816
00:49:26.800 --> 00:49:34.720
Well, you have to deal with internally what it looks mean to you, like mean to you.

817
00:49:36.640 --> 00:49:42.080
What do they mean to you? And what do those looks represent to you? Because it's a you,

818
00:49:42.080 --> 00:49:49.760
it's an inside job. You measure people by the way you measure yourself, right? And so then

819
00:49:50.480 --> 00:49:56.720
you got to deal with the way you measure yourself because it's not fair to you.

820
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:11.040
That's a real deal, that's a thing, because that's a thing, you'll have to deal with that,

821
00:50:11.040 --> 00:50:12.040
friend.

822
00:50:12.040 --> 00:50:15.120
You have to deal with your measurement of yourself and what looks mean to you.

823
00:50:15.120 --> 00:50:19.920
And I'm not saying that, this is not me in any way saying, hey, if somebody is just not

824
00:50:19.920 --> 00:50:22.480
tasteful to you, that you continue going.

825
00:50:22.480 --> 00:50:27.840
But if you notice that if a man is in a certain height, or you really know that there's nothing

826
00:50:27.840 --> 00:50:33.760
inherently wrong with him, he seems okay, or there's certain markers that just, I'm

827
00:50:33.760 --> 00:50:38.640
not going to be myself because you don't like meet a certain mark, I would evaluate myself

828
00:50:38.640 --> 00:50:42.080
and what looks really mean to me, and kind of deal with it.

829
00:50:42.080 --> 00:50:51.040
And after you deal with it and you, you know, inside of you, you know, then move forward.

830
00:50:51.040 --> 00:50:54.040
Does that make sense?

831
00:50:54.040 --> 00:50:55.360
I have to think about it.

832
00:50:55.360 --> 00:50:56.360
It's not you, it's me.

833
00:50:56.360 --> 00:50:57.360
I need to process.

834
00:50:57.360 --> 00:50:58.360
I need to measure.

835
00:50:58.360 --> 00:50:59.360
I understand that.

836
00:50:59.360 --> 00:51:00.360
Yeah.

837
00:51:00.360 --> 00:51:02.360
What I'm saying is we measure people by the same way we measure ourselves.

838
00:51:02.360 --> 00:51:06.600
And if you have a harshness toward people, when you measure them, you have a harshness

839
00:51:06.600 --> 00:51:08.640
towards yourself when you measure you.

840
00:51:08.640 --> 00:51:09.640
Mm-hmm.

841
00:51:09.640 --> 00:51:10.640
That I understand.

842
00:51:10.640 --> 00:51:11.640
Yeah.

843
00:51:11.640 --> 00:51:13.680
So what have you learned about your body?

844
00:51:13.680 --> 00:51:16.600
What have you learned about your image?

845
00:51:16.600 --> 00:51:20.840
What have you learned that causes value, your value?

846
00:51:20.840 --> 00:51:22.760
What is your value based?

847
00:51:22.760 --> 00:51:26.800
Is your value based on how you look, or is it value based on what you carry?

848
00:51:27.800 --> 00:51:28.800
Hmm.

849
00:51:28.800 --> 00:51:29.800
And.

850
00:51:29.800 --> 00:51:30.800
Yeah.

851
00:51:30.800 --> 00:51:31.800
Okay.

852
00:51:31.800 --> 00:51:32.800
Yeah.

853
00:51:32.800 --> 00:51:37.800
And what makes a man mature, masculine, and marriage-minded, get to the bottom of it?

854
00:51:37.800 --> 00:51:45.800
And what makes, when you, when you get ready to live your life with a husband, is it going

855
00:51:45.800 --> 00:51:48.800
to matter how tall he is or how well he stewards your heart?

856
00:51:48.800 --> 00:51:53.800
Like you got to ask yourself real questions, especially if you've never been married before,

857
00:51:53.800 --> 00:51:57.800
then you got to figure out, you need to talk to some people, interview some people about,

858
00:51:57.800 --> 00:51:59.800
have you been married before?

859
00:51:59.800 --> 00:52:00.800
Yeah.

860
00:52:00.800 --> 00:52:01.800
Okay.

861
00:52:01.800 --> 00:52:06.800
Ask some people that you trust what makes it, they have a healthy kingdom marriage.

862
00:52:06.800 --> 00:52:11.800
Even if they don't, ask them what, what values, what, what would they do differently?

863
00:52:11.800 --> 00:52:16.800
What does that man carry that, that, that makes use for their marriage or what do they

864
00:52:16.800 --> 00:52:17.800
wish he had?

865
00:52:17.800 --> 00:52:20.800
And I guarantee you, nobody's going to say how they look.

866
00:52:20.800 --> 00:52:23.800
They're not going to say how tall they are.

867
00:52:23.800 --> 00:52:24.800
Then.

868
00:52:24.800 --> 00:52:25.800
And so do that.

869
00:52:25.800 --> 00:52:31.800
Like give yourself a reality check and deal with it because you know, that could be costly

870
00:52:31.800 --> 00:52:32.800
for you.

871
00:52:32.800 --> 00:52:33.800
Thank you.

872
00:52:33.800 --> 00:52:34.800
You're welcome.

873
00:52:34.800 --> 00:52:41.800
You're not alone though, but I can tell you every lady on here will raise their hand.

874
00:52:41.800 --> 00:52:43.800
All right.

875
00:52:43.800 --> 00:52:45.800
Who's next?

876
00:52:45.800 --> 00:52:47.800
Whoever you are.

877
00:52:47.800 --> 00:52:48.800
Go.

878
00:52:48.800 --> 00:52:50.800
I think I'm the first.

879
00:52:50.800 --> 00:52:53.800
Does everybody agree or am I?

880
00:52:53.800 --> 00:52:54.800
We agree.

881
00:52:54.800 --> 00:52:55.800
Oh, okay.

882
00:52:55.800 --> 00:52:56.800
Yeah.

883
00:52:56.800 --> 00:52:57.800
I think I was.

884
00:52:57.800 --> 00:52:58.800
Okay.

885
00:52:58.800 --> 00:52:59.800
Thank you, Ebony.

886
00:52:59.800 --> 00:53:04.800
Um, so, um, last Tuesday.

887
00:53:04.800 --> 00:53:05.800
Oh goodness.

888
00:53:05.800 --> 00:53:08.800
She's going to, no bubbles.

889
00:53:08.800 --> 00:53:09.800
Okay.

890
00:53:09.800 --> 00:53:12.800
Um, last Tuesday.

891
00:53:12.800 --> 00:53:15.800
Well, first I wanted to say something to what Fran said.

892
00:53:16.800 --> 00:53:22.800
I have a friend that I was bridesmaid to her wedding and she had a long distance relationship

893
00:53:22.800 --> 00:53:27.800
for, for quite a little bit and he really loved her.

894
00:53:27.800 --> 00:53:33.800
So he would FaceTime with us, all of her friends.

895
00:53:33.800 --> 00:53:42.800
And then once they, they got serious, he went to Miami to meet all of us on a dinner.

896
00:53:42.800 --> 00:53:47.800
So I mean, when, when someone really wants to make it happen, they will.

897
00:53:47.800 --> 00:53:49.800
Right.

898
00:53:49.800 --> 00:53:59.800
And also to what Fran was saying, it has a lot to do with what my chin or advice is.

899
00:53:59.800 --> 00:54:03.800
So last Tuesday, I.

900
00:54:03.800 --> 00:54:08.800
I mistakenly got into another call, but I was happy to see that it was ladies night.

901
00:54:08.800 --> 00:54:10.800
I had never participated in this.

902
00:54:10.800 --> 00:54:16.800
I was Jackie and I got to, for the first time, talk to her and ask her questions.

903
00:54:16.800 --> 00:54:25.800
And she, she said really amazing things that made me think, made me, um, change certain

904
00:54:25.800 --> 00:54:31.800
things, but also she boosted my self-esteem and I was on fire and I was happy.

905
00:54:31.800 --> 00:54:35.800
And I was like, yeah, let me get my Facebook profile.

906
00:54:36.800 --> 00:54:45.800
But she also mentioned that she could just easily tell that I was quite, um, I had a

907
00:54:45.800 --> 00:54:47.800
really high standard for myself.

908
00:54:47.800 --> 00:54:52.800
Therefore, um, I would do the same to other people.

909
00:54:52.800 --> 00:54:53.800
Right.

910
00:54:53.800 --> 00:54:56.800
Exactly what you just mentioned to, to Fran.

911
00:54:56.800 --> 00:54:58.800
And needless to say, I did.

912
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:10.400
get on Facebook, and I was like, he's short, he hunts, he this, he that, he this, he that.

913
00:55:13.440 --> 00:55:20.880
Till I got to a point where I was like, okay, maybe I'll like this one. To the point where

914
00:55:20.880 --> 00:55:27.200
I finally got frustrated after three days because the few ones I liked never liked me back.

915
00:55:28.160 --> 00:55:42.160
And I gave up. I don't know. I don't know what's stopping me. I don't know if it's just

916
00:55:43.840 --> 00:55:53.120
real fear of rejection. I don't know if it's... I have no idea. I just know I'm

917
00:55:53.120 --> 00:56:02.000
kind of sabotaging myself. And as soon as I am not liked back, I'm like, okay,

918
00:56:02.640 --> 00:56:12.400
this is not fun. I don't like this. Is this immaturity? Because at some point,

919
00:56:13.520 --> 00:56:20.240
somebody told me something that resonates in a way. I don't know how much that really makes sense.

920
00:56:20.880 --> 00:56:27.280
But I've only had one boyfriend that became my husband in my entire life.

921
00:56:28.960 --> 00:56:33.600
And the last time I really, really dated was when I was 18.

922
00:56:36.800 --> 00:56:44.400
So somebody told me that it really puts me in a quite kind of immature place because

923
00:56:45.360 --> 00:56:51.360
everyone had their heartbreaks, and they stood up, and they just kept going.

924
00:56:54.960 --> 00:56:59.680
They've had their fair share of different experiences, different people,

925
00:56:59.680 --> 00:57:07.440
different situations that they just fell, cried for a little bit, stood up, and kept going.

926
00:57:08.400 --> 00:57:12.720
So, I don't know. I don't know if that's where I'm stuck. I have no idea.

927
00:57:12.720 --> 00:57:20.160
Yeah. Well, I would have to say in some ways, I disagree with that advice. I don't have the

928
00:57:20.160 --> 00:57:25.040
full picture of what they were saying, but I can speak for myself. Rejection sucks,

929
00:57:25.040 --> 00:57:28.800
and somebody just put it in there. I don't care how many times it's happened to me.

930
00:57:29.280 --> 00:57:36.400
It doesn't feel like, okay, okay. No, it still sucks. It hurts. I don't, I don't,

931
00:57:36.400 --> 00:57:42.800
ain't nothing in my mind says, we've done this before. It's all going to be okay. It's just,

932
00:57:42.800 --> 00:57:47.120
it's the same way you feel like, oh, I like somebody. Oh, they didn't like me back.

933
00:57:49.440 --> 00:57:52.960
The issue with when you like somebody that didn't like you back,

934
00:57:52.960 --> 00:57:57.600
you're believing that they didn't like you back. You're believing that they didn't like you back.

935
00:57:58.080 --> 00:58:01.920
You're believing something about yourself, the reason why they didn't like you back.

936
00:58:04.480 --> 00:58:07.520
They have the right not to like you back. They don't like you. They don't like you,

937
00:58:08.480 --> 00:58:13.600
but something's happening internally that you're taking it more than the same way you passed by

938
00:58:13.600 --> 00:58:19.120
people who liked you that you didn't like. That's the same thing that just happened.

939
00:58:19.120 --> 00:58:21.440
It's not fun when it's the other way around.

940
00:58:22.240 --> 00:58:27.520
So you're right. So we, people have the right to not like you back and you have the right to not

941
00:58:27.520 --> 00:58:34.640
like people and that's the beauty of it. And so what I want to encourage you to do is some people

942
00:58:34.640 --> 00:58:39.280
that are liking you, if they seem decent, go ahead and like them and go on a date.

943
00:58:40.560 --> 00:58:46.000
You need to try to get a coffee date. And the reason why we want you to get there within a week

944
00:58:46.800 --> 00:58:51.760
or at least two weeks of getting to know them, don't do a lot of heavy talking and give yourself

945
00:58:51.760 --> 00:58:57.040
an ounce. If you'll sabotage, then if you do talk to them and set up a date, don't talk every day.

946
00:58:57.040 --> 00:59:01.680
You're probably going to find a reason not to go out with them. But pick somebody that likes you,

947
00:59:01.680 --> 00:59:07.360
that's decent on paper, you know, like they have a decent profession. And I mean like a teacher or

948
00:59:07.360 --> 00:59:13.200
like a coach or somebody that has a safe, safe type of job, right? And talk to them,

949
00:59:13.200 --> 00:59:18.640
chat with them a little while and say, Hey, Hey, I'm interested in getting to know you a

950
00:59:18.640 --> 00:59:25.360
little bit better. Are you interested in a coffee date? Go on a date, get a feel of it

951
00:59:26.320 --> 00:59:31.040
because that's going to help you get in the game. It's going to break through some things for you.

952
00:59:32.160 --> 00:59:38.160
So remember that your goal is a coffee date. That's it with a decent person.

953
00:59:38.480 --> 00:59:42.880
It's very low stakes. You're not imagining that they're going to be something for you. They're

954
00:59:42.880 --> 00:59:47.760
not because you're going on, going in, finding the safest person you can

955
00:59:47.760 --> 00:59:51.200
to go on a coffee date with. So try to get somebody local.

956
00:59:52.960 --> 00:59:58.560
Okay. Yeah, I know. And again, I don't know if I'm trying to sabotage

957
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:08.760
Like, a little while back, some weeks ago, a friend kept talking about this guy and she

958
01:00:08.760 --> 01:00:15.400
knows I'm super awkward with this, so she just had like a huge dinner with a lot more

959
01:00:15.400 --> 01:00:23.240
people where I, you know, we were just there and it wasn't like a date.

960
01:00:23.240 --> 01:00:32.920
And I could only see that he had tiny hands, and that's the only thing I could see.

961
01:00:32.920 --> 01:00:36.080
And I couldn't get past that.

962
01:00:36.080 --> 01:00:41.320
A tiny hand probably equals a tiny man.

963
01:00:41.320 --> 01:00:44.320
I don't know.

964
01:00:44.320 --> 01:00:50.560
Well, that's why I want you to focus on a coffee date, because you couldn't get past

965
01:00:50.560 --> 01:00:51.560
his hands.

966
01:00:51.560 --> 01:00:52.560
For what?

967
01:00:52.560 --> 01:00:53.560
You wouldn't have been married, man.

968
01:00:53.560 --> 01:00:58.120
Where you going?

969
01:00:58.120 --> 01:01:01.600
You're outpacing yourself in the process.

970
01:01:01.600 --> 01:01:05.880
You're trying to get to know someone so that you can get to know yourself, so that you

971
01:01:05.880 --> 01:01:10.520
can deal with the areas that need to be dealt with, so that you could build capacity for

972
01:01:10.520 --> 01:01:14.320
your marriage.

973
01:01:14.320 --> 01:01:18.080
And you're not going to get there without accepting people for who they are, because

974
01:01:18.080 --> 01:01:22.400
you can easily accept someone for who they are when you're not trying to put them in

975
01:01:22.400 --> 01:01:23.400
your story.

976
01:01:23.400 --> 01:01:28.040
And you're just trying to grab a cup of coffee.

977
01:01:28.040 --> 01:01:32.120
You're not building a life with him.

978
01:01:32.120 --> 01:01:37.160
Every person, every man brings a different experience to the table.

979
01:01:37.160 --> 01:01:40.080
And this is for your growth.

980
01:01:40.080 --> 01:01:42.600
You're not picking a husband.

981
01:01:42.600 --> 01:01:47.840
You're picking an experience.

982
01:01:48.600 --> 01:01:51.320
And so if you have a friend or somebody who knows somebody who can get you out on a coffee

983
01:01:51.320 --> 01:01:54.520
date, you should go.

984
01:01:54.520 --> 01:01:55.520
It'll really help you.

985
01:01:55.520 --> 01:01:56.520
Okay.

986
01:01:56.520 --> 01:01:57.520
Okay.

987
01:01:57.520 --> 01:01:58.520
Thank you so much.

988
01:01:58.520 --> 01:01:59.520
You're welcome.

989
01:01:59.520 --> 01:02:00.520
Next person.

990
01:02:00.520 --> 01:02:01.520
Am I next?

991
01:02:01.520 --> 01:02:02.520
I don't know where I'm at.

992
01:02:02.520 --> 01:02:03.520
Me?

993
01:02:03.520 --> 01:02:04.520
I don't know either.

994
01:02:04.520 --> 01:02:05.520
Whoever.

995
01:02:05.520 --> 01:02:06.520
Should I go?

996
01:02:06.520 --> 01:02:07.520
Yeah.

997
01:02:07.520 --> 01:02:08.520
Okay.

998
01:02:08.520 --> 01:02:09.520
Okay.

999
01:02:09.520 --> 01:02:10.520
Well, I was on the call earlier today with Karla, and she mentioned how, which I guess

1000
01:02:10.520 --> 01:02:11.520
it's kind of like her standard or whatever, but I just wanted your feedback, too, or whatever,

1001
01:02:11.520 --> 01:02:12.520
because she said that like her recommendation was not like, you know, you're not going to

1002
01:02:12.520 --> 01:02:13.520
get there without accepting people for who they are when you're not trying to put them

1003
01:02:13.520 --> 01:02:14.520
in your story.

1004
01:02:14.520 --> 01:02:15.520
And so if you have a friend or somebody who knows somebody who can get you out on a coffee

1005
01:02:15.520 --> 01:02:16.520
date, you should go.

1006
01:02:16.520 --> 01:02:17.520
It'll really help you.

1007
01:02:17.520 --> 01:02:18.520
Okay.

1008
01:02:18.520 --> 01:02:19.520
Thank you so much.

1009
01:02:19.520 --> 01:02:20.520
Thank you.

1010
01:02:20.520 --> 01:02:21.520
Thank you.

1011
01:02:21.520 --> 01:02:22.520
Thank you.

1012
01:02:22.520 --> 01:02:23.520
Thank you.

1013
01:02:23.520 --> 01:02:24.520
Thank you.

1014
01:02:24.520 --> 01:02:25.520
Thank you.

1015
01:02:25.520 --> 01:02:26.520
Thank you.

1016
01:02:26.520 --> 01:02:27.520
Thank you.

1017
01:02:27.520 --> 01:02:28.520
Thank you.

1018
01:02:28.520 --> 01:02:29.520
Thank you.

1019
01:02:29.520 --> 01:02:30.520
Thank you.

1020
01:02:30.520 --> 01:02:31.520
Thank you.

1021
01:02:31.520 --> 01:02:32.520
Thank you.

1022
01:02:32.520 --> 01:02:33.520
Thank you.

1023
01:03:04.520 --> 01:03:06.520
So I was in a car last night, and as he was walking me into my car, we were chatting for

1024
01:03:06.520 --> 01:03:07.520
a few minutes.

1025
01:03:07.520 --> 01:03:10.520
He asked if he could give me a hug, and I said that he could.

1026
01:03:10.520 --> 01:03:16.080
So, and then when she said that today, I was like, so how do I go back or whatever, like,

1027
01:03:16.080 --> 01:03:23.360
if I decide to have to like, bring it up in conversation be like, oh, by the way, or whatever,

1028
01:03:23.360 --> 01:03:27.280
like, as it like, I don't know, as he's saying goodnight to me, and he wants to give me a

1029
01:03:27.280 --> 01:03:29.760
hug or something, or I don't know.

1030
01:03:29.760 --> 01:03:30.760
To me, it seems super awkward.

1031
01:03:30.760 --> 01:03:31.760
I don't know.

1032
01:03:32.000 --> 01:03:35.000
I mean, how did you feel about the hug?

1033
01:03:35.000 --> 01:03:41.480
Well, I told him that I appreciate that he asked, because like, like, when I was dating

1034
01:03:41.480 --> 01:03:47.240
the ex, like years ago, like, he just, um, and also, I didn't know all this stuff that

1035
01:03:47.240 --> 01:03:48.240
I do now or whatever.

1036
01:03:48.240 --> 01:03:51.240
So, but I told him that I appreciate that he asked, or whatever.

1037
01:03:51.240 --> 01:03:55.240
Okay, let me ask you this, did you enjoy the hug?

1038
01:03:55.240 --> 01:03:56.240
I did.

1039
01:03:56.240 --> 01:03:57.240
Well, good.

1040
01:03:57.720 --> 01:04:01.720
I'm glad you had a hug that you enjoyed.

1041
01:04:01.720 --> 01:04:05.160
That was a very redemptive moment for you.

1042
01:04:05.160 --> 01:04:08.560
You have been dating him a while, and so you've already given the hug.

1043
01:04:08.560 --> 01:04:10.880
If you're uncomfortable with the hug, don't do any more hugs.

1044
01:04:10.880 --> 01:04:16.160
But if you're comfortable with the hug, then give him another hug when you see him.

1045
01:04:16.160 --> 01:04:18.800
Hugs are, there are levels to hugs.

1046
01:04:18.800 --> 01:04:22.600
So if I'm getting, I'm a hugger.

1047
01:04:22.600 --> 01:04:27.360
So if I've been talking to somebody and we meet up for coffee, I'm going to offer out

1048
01:04:27.360 --> 01:04:28.360
a hug.

1049
01:04:28.360 --> 01:04:30.280
It's just the way it is.

1050
01:04:30.280 --> 01:04:34.840
When I see Alexandra, when she gets to Austin, I'm going to probably hug her, unless she's

1051
01:04:34.840 --> 01:04:36.360
not a hugger.

1052
01:04:36.360 --> 01:04:40.120
So I don't, you know, right, there's a difference between just hugging somebody, then they're

1053
01:04:40.120 --> 01:04:41.120
these romantic, long...

1054
01:04:41.120 --> 01:04:46.840
Well, yeah, she did clarify, she said, like, sometimes, like, you give the side hug, but

1055
01:04:46.840 --> 01:04:48.520
this wasn't the side hug.

1056
01:04:48.520 --> 01:04:52.480
And then she said that, like, there's some where you, like, linger a little bit longer

1057
01:04:52.480 --> 01:04:53.480
and whatever.

1058
01:04:53.480 --> 01:04:54.480
And yeah.

1059
01:04:54.480 --> 01:04:55.480
Yeah.

1060
01:04:55.480 --> 01:04:59.480
So at this point, you're just going to pace your hugs.

1061
01:04:59.480 --> 01:05:00.000
You've already...

1062
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.360
cross that threshold, you don't have to hook again if you don't want to.

1063
01:05:03.360 --> 01:05:07.600
But when you do hook, if you feel like you're holding too long or you're holding too tight

1064
01:05:07.600 --> 01:05:11.120
and things are getting a little heated up, you want to embrace and release.

1065
01:05:12.800 --> 01:05:13.300
Right.

1066
01:05:13.840 --> 01:05:20.800
Right. And so it's not that you did anything wrong. He asked you for a hook and you felt

1067
01:05:20.800 --> 01:05:24.320
safe to give him one. You're two months in at this point, right? So.

1068
01:05:24.320 --> 01:05:31.280
Yeah. And I mean, I'm not ready for like a kiss or whatever. To me, that's like way

1069
01:05:31.280 --> 01:05:34.560
like next level or whatever. So like, yeah.

1070
01:05:36.080 --> 01:05:39.680
Yeah. You know, one thing about physical contact, physical,

1071
01:05:41.280 --> 01:05:46.960
once the, once it's, once most balls start, they kind of keep rolling to build.

1072
01:05:46.960 --> 01:05:47.600
Right.

1073
01:05:47.600 --> 01:05:51.680
But when you pace yourself and give it time, especially with kissing,

1074
01:05:51.680 --> 01:05:56.400
everything just keeps building momentum. And so in every woman is different.

1075
01:05:57.920 --> 01:06:02.640
Right. A touch to one woman, not a touch to another woman. And it could trigger certain

1076
01:06:02.640 --> 01:06:08.320
things in one woman. It can't trigger in other one, another woman. So yeah. I just think that

1077
01:06:10.080 --> 01:06:14.880
you enjoyed the hug. It was a good experience. And if you wanted to hug again, you're at the

1078
01:06:14.880 --> 01:06:19.920
place where you can do that. You just, you, you know, adjust it accordingly.

1079
01:06:20.720 --> 01:06:26.080
Okay. And then one other quick question. I did ask this in the app and Carla, she did respond,

1080
01:06:26.960 --> 01:06:31.120
but I didn't bring it up in conversation. Cause I don't know, it just didn't feel like

1081
01:06:31.120 --> 01:06:39.360
the moment or whatever, but I was wanting to like have the conversation of like the frequency of

1082
01:06:39.360 --> 01:06:44.400
like just chatting on the phone or texting or whatever. Cause we usually go like one day to

1083
01:06:44.400 --> 01:06:48.880
week or whatever. And I'm actually going out of town again, like Thursday. So I'm gone like until

1084
01:06:48.880 --> 01:06:54.560
Monday. So we're not going to go on a date this weekend either. And we technically were supposed

1085
01:06:54.560 --> 01:07:02.320
to go on a bike ride yesterday. But I like was so exhausted. I'm a dog walker and a pet sitter.

1086
01:07:02.320 --> 01:07:07.760
And I had like a lot of things going on this weekend, caring for like a dog sitting client

1087
01:07:07.760 --> 01:07:12.560
and cat sit. And so like, I was literally exhausted. So I called him yesterday morning

1088
01:07:12.560 --> 01:07:20.320
just to let him know that I wasn't have to cancel or whatever. So, but like, can you give some like

1089
01:07:20.320 --> 01:07:25.600
suggestions on how to like, cause I know like she said that she did respond, like, cause I guess I

1090
01:07:25.600 --> 01:07:30.640
was being too like demanding in the way, like I worded it in the app or whatever, when I was

1091
01:07:30.640 --> 01:07:35.680
initially asking my question, which I understand to be more curious as to like, whether he has the

1092
01:07:35.680 --> 01:07:42.320
capacity to even like connect by phone periodically throughout the week or. And I mean,

1093
01:07:42.320 --> 01:07:47.200
we usually like conversation flows like he called, he called me and we talked on the phone for like

1094
01:07:47.200 --> 01:07:52.160
an hour or something before like a date. And then at dates, like we're there for like two and three

1095
01:07:52.160 --> 01:07:57.760
hours, whatever. But yeah, so I'm not saying that we have to call and like talk on the phone for like

1096
01:07:57.760 --> 01:08:07.120
three hours every time or an hour or whatever it is, but just to, yeah, just to ask like, if he like

1097
01:08:08.160 --> 01:08:14.960
is able to, to text periodically throughout the week or like check in. I don't know.

1098
01:08:15.680 --> 01:08:22.960
So are you saying that, I think I hear you saying that you guys don't talk regularly except for

1099
01:08:22.960 --> 01:08:28.479
right before the date and during the day. Right. Yeah. And you desire more communication.

1100
01:08:29.359 --> 01:08:33.200
Right. Yeah. Yeah. And this has been going on for two months.

1101
01:08:34.960 --> 01:08:38.560
Well, yeah, I was kind of like letting it go. Cause I was trying to like pace myself. Cause

1102
01:08:38.560 --> 01:08:43.840
I know that if I tried to like make all these demands like right away, then like, I'm just like,

1103
01:08:44.800 --> 01:08:49.840
I don't know. So like, I was trying to like take a step back, but I, and then I was trying to see

1104
01:08:49.840 --> 01:08:55.840
how things went, but it hasn't really changed that much. So, yeah. So now's the time for you

1105
01:08:55.840 --> 01:09:01.520
to say, this is not a, first of all, it's not a demand. Let's, let's straighten it out. Laura.

1106
01:09:01.520 --> 01:09:06.880
It's not a demand. You want to grow in connection. And so you're saying that you,

1107
01:09:07.520 --> 01:09:11.600
um, growing connection better when you have communication throughout the week,

1108
01:09:11.600 --> 01:09:16.640
please don't minimize what you're going to say to him and do not over-explain yourself

1109
01:09:17.520 --> 01:09:24.720
and do not make excuses for what you want. That's not this. Okay. This is what this is.

1110
01:09:25.359 --> 01:09:29.680
You desire more connection throughout the week when you're not dating, when you're not seeing

1111
01:09:29.680 --> 01:09:34.319
each other. Don't say it's not like I want you to talk for hours. It's not, it could just be a

1112
01:09:34.319 --> 01:09:42.640
little short text. No, none of that. We're not over-explaining. Okay. You're going to say

1113
01:09:43.600 --> 01:09:49.520
whatever his name is. So I enjoy getting to know you. I desire more connection throughout the week.

1114
01:09:50.800 --> 01:09:55.200
I would like for us to set up time where we can talk more throughout the week.

1115
01:09:55.200 --> 01:09:57.120
What does that look like for your schedule?

1116
01:09:59.200 --> 01:09:59.680
Okay.

1117
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.220
That's it.

1118
01:10:03.600 --> 01:10:05.720
I don't want you to add, it could be 10 minutes here,

1119
01:10:05.720 --> 01:10:08.120
10 minutes there, it could be 29, none of that,

1120
01:10:08.120 --> 01:10:09.640
because I don't know why this man

1121
01:10:09.640 --> 01:10:11.040
is not talking to you through the week,

1122
01:10:11.040 --> 01:10:13.360
but I'm not as comfortable with it either,

1123
01:10:13.360 --> 01:10:15.240
and you want to build a connection,

1124
01:10:15.240 --> 01:10:17.200
and it's going to be hard trying to build a connection.

1125
01:10:17.200 --> 01:10:19.240
You're in the second month now,

1126
01:10:19.240 --> 01:10:20.560
and the only time you're talking

1127
01:10:20.560 --> 01:10:23.880
is before you go on the date and during the date.

1128
01:10:23.880 --> 01:10:26.280
Now, if he says to you,

1129
01:10:26.280 --> 01:10:28.200
I really don't like to talk on the phone a lot,

1130
01:10:28.200 --> 01:10:30.880
that I completely understand,

1131
01:10:30.880 --> 01:10:33.680
but for me, it helps to build connection.

1132
01:10:33.680 --> 01:10:34.960
Is there a time that we can sit through that?

1133
01:10:34.960 --> 01:10:37.640
Well, he's actually said that he prefers to talk

1134
01:10:37.640 --> 01:10:42.640
over texting, so, but,

1135
01:10:44.760 --> 01:10:46.800
but yeah, like, the most,

1136
01:10:46.800 --> 01:10:48.120
which, I mean, I know that he's like

1137
01:10:48.120 --> 01:10:49.200
a sole business owner, too,

1138
01:10:49.200 --> 01:10:50.040
and so that's why I was like

1139
01:10:50.040 --> 01:10:51.480
kind of cutting him slack or whatever,

1140
01:10:51.480 --> 01:10:53.960
but I don't know, it is what it is.

1141
01:10:53.960 --> 01:10:57.120
No, no, no, you need to go ahead,

1142
01:10:57.680 --> 01:10:59.240
because I'm going to tell you something.

1143
01:10:59.240 --> 01:11:01.240
If you decide to go exclusive,

1144
01:11:01.240 --> 01:11:02.840
y'all been dating two months,

1145
01:11:02.840 --> 01:11:04.160
it's time for you to be able to see

1146
01:11:04.160 --> 01:11:06.240
if he can honor what you ask.

1147
01:11:06.240 --> 01:11:08.000
That's a big deal.

1148
01:11:08.000 --> 01:11:09.440
Right.

1149
01:11:09.440 --> 01:11:11.400
Because you're needing more connection,

1150
01:11:12.680 --> 01:11:15.080
and let's just see what he's going to do with it.

1151
01:11:15.080 --> 01:11:17.880
It doesn't matter that he's a sole business owner, Laura.

1152
01:11:17.880 --> 01:11:19.440
People do what they want to do.

1153
01:11:20.600 --> 01:11:22.560
Well, yeah, I mean, I'm a sole business owner, too,

1154
01:11:22.560 --> 01:11:25.400
and I'm asking for it, so I just don't.

1155
01:11:25.400 --> 01:11:26.240
That's right.

1156
01:11:26.240 --> 01:11:28.680
So people do what they want to do.

1157
01:11:28.680 --> 01:11:29.880
That's what people do.

1158
01:11:29.880 --> 01:11:33.040
Yeah, they make time for what's important to them, so yeah.

1159
01:11:33.040 --> 01:11:35.520
So let's see, okay, and don't,

1160
01:11:35.520 --> 01:11:38.320
this is not a demand, you're not demanding.

1161
01:11:38.320 --> 01:11:39.160
Right, okay.

1162
01:11:40.320 --> 01:11:41.360
Okay.

1163
01:11:41.360 --> 01:11:42.680
Thank you.

1164
01:11:42.680 --> 01:11:44.600
You're welcome, keep me updated.

1165
01:11:47.840 --> 01:11:50.280
Okay, whoever's next, go for it.

1166
01:11:52.160 --> 01:11:53.680
It all happened so fast,

1167
01:11:53.680 --> 01:11:56.960
so I don't know if Karen or Sarah was before me,

1168
01:11:56.960 --> 01:11:58.160
but I guess.

1169
01:11:59.200 --> 01:12:00.440
Sarah, you were?

1170
01:12:00.440 --> 01:12:02.800
She was, me.

1171
01:12:02.800 --> 01:12:03.640
Me?

1172
01:12:03.640 --> 01:12:04.720
Me, go.

1173
01:12:04.720 --> 01:12:07.240
Okay, I'll just, let me come on here.

1174
01:12:09.720 --> 01:12:11.360
Okay, hello.

1175
01:12:12.320 --> 01:12:13.160
Hello.

1176
01:12:14.080 --> 01:12:15.720
You said I could share my story,

1177
01:12:15.720 --> 01:12:17.960
so I was like, that's why I put my hand up,

1178
01:12:17.960 --> 01:12:20.000
but you'll have to tell me

1179
01:12:20.000 --> 01:12:21.480
if there's a part you're thinking of

1180
01:12:21.480 --> 01:12:23.240
that you wanted me to share if I don't say it,

1181
01:12:23.800 --> 01:12:24.760
but.

1182
01:12:24.760 --> 01:12:27.240
I just wanted you to share with them

1183
01:12:27.240 --> 01:12:29.560
that you were wanting to move,

1184
01:12:29.560 --> 01:12:30.800
you prayed about it,

1185
01:12:30.800 --> 01:12:34.080
that got, you know, this transition.

1186
01:12:34.080 --> 01:12:34.920
Yeah.

1187
01:12:36.960 --> 01:12:38.400
Let's see, so.

1188
01:12:38.400 --> 01:12:40.240
You got testimony time.

1189
01:12:40.240 --> 01:12:41.080
Yay.

1190
01:12:41.080 --> 01:12:42.480
I know, yeah.

1191
01:12:42.480 --> 01:12:44.920
Well, I definitely, I didn't think it could happen,

1192
01:12:44.920 --> 01:12:48.520
like, I guess I just went through a rough,

1193
01:12:48.560 --> 01:12:53.000
like, I was in, like, a really bad house church

1194
01:12:53.000 --> 01:12:54.840
for four years, so then I came out of that

1195
01:12:54.840 --> 01:12:57.720
just thinking that, like, God didn't have much,

1196
01:12:57.720 --> 01:12:59.360
like, it was just, like, sacrifice

1197
01:12:59.360 --> 01:13:01.440
or, like, doing the hard thing all the time,

1198
01:13:01.440 --> 01:13:05.000
and it wasn't about enjoying, like, life,

1199
01:13:05.000 --> 01:13:09.680
and I definitely wasn't encouraged to be,

1200
01:13:09.680 --> 01:13:14.400
like, love who I was made to be.

1201
01:13:14.400 --> 01:13:16.200
It's more like you're critical of yourself

1202
01:13:16.200 --> 01:13:20.440
and always trying to, like, fix yourself kind of culture,

1203
01:13:20.440 --> 01:13:23.520
so came out of that, and it's just been,

1204
01:13:23.520 --> 01:13:26.640
this program's really helped me just to open up

1205
01:13:26.640 --> 01:13:28.480
that, like, God cares about our desires.

1206
01:13:28.480 --> 01:13:30.720
A long time ago, I had thought about moving to Austin,

1207
01:13:30.720 --> 01:13:32.960
but I was just, like, I don't know,

1208
01:13:32.960 --> 01:13:35.800
I just thought it was, like, too good.

1209
01:13:35.800 --> 01:13:37.080
Like, I was like, I like it too much,

1210
01:13:37.080 --> 01:13:38.320
so it's probably not gonna happen.

1211
01:13:38.320 --> 01:13:41.760
I don't know what I really thought, so.

1212
01:13:41.760 --> 01:13:44.360
But I was already living here in East Texas

1213
01:13:44.360 --> 01:13:45.560
and in the house church.

1214
01:13:45.560 --> 01:13:47.920
Once I got out, I bought a house,

1215
01:13:47.920 --> 01:13:50.680
and I was really struggling financially

1216
01:13:50.680 --> 01:13:54.640
with the house as well, and then I was also depressed,

1217
01:13:54.640 --> 01:13:58.600
and so I joined this program,

1218
01:13:58.600 --> 01:14:01.760
and I think they've just helped me to kind of, like,

1219
01:14:01.760 --> 01:14:04.920
reopen up, like, what are your desires,

1220
01:14:04.920 --> 01:14:09.520
and, like, the Jesus Cares Board has been really helpful.

1221
01:14:09.520 --> 01:14:12.960
And so I really didn't believe it could happen

1222
01:14:13.000 --> 01:14:14.320
that, like, I could move out,

1223
01:14:14.320 --> 01:14:17.080
and I also didn't know where I was going to move,

1224
01:14:17.080 --> 01:14:19.440
and so I was just kind of waiting to feel like

1225
01:14:19.440 --> 01:14:21.400
I had a place that I wanted to move

1226
01:14:21.400 --> 01:14:24.680
because I didn't really wanna make the same mistake

1227
01:14:24.680 --> 01:14:26.240
that I made coming here.

1228
01:14:27.240 --> 01:14:31.960
I didn't know that a move could be so bad,

1229
01:14:31.960 --> 01:14:35.280
but it was more than just a move.

1230
01:14:35.280 --> 01:14:38.480
It was a lot of decisions, but let's see.

1231
01:14:38.480 --> 01:14:41.160
So, yeah, I've just been praying about it,

1232
01:14:41.160 --> 01:14:45.440
and then, I guess, thinking about, like, who am I,

1233
01:14:45.440 --> 01:14:49.280
and, like, where would I meet someone, basically,

1234
01:14:49.280 --> 01:14:51.640
that, like, because I was very clear, like, in East Texas,

1235
01:14:51.640 --> 01:14:53.240
like, I don't like it here,

1236
01:14:53.240 --> 01:14:55.000
so it's been really hard to meet people here

1237
01:14:55.000 --> 01:14:56.840
because I'm like, hey, I don't like it here,

1238
01:14:56.840 --> 01:14:59.000
but they're like, I live here because I wanna live here,

1239
01:14:59.000 --> 01:15:00.000
and I'm like, okay.

1240
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.200
That makes sense. So I was like, I think it would be good to live somewhere where I like enjoy like it's it's who I am

1241
01:15:07.640 --> 01:15:14.040
Like it's the things I enjoy are there. So that's Austin. I'm outdoorsy. I love good food

1242
01:15:14.040 --> 01:15:16.700
I love like a diverse political culture

1243
01:15:18.480 --> 01:15:22.800
I've got a dog. They're big dog people not quite ready to move home yet

1244
01:15:23.040 --> 01:15:28.640
Wanted to find wanted to be in a city that was not as family oriented as where I am right now

1245
01:15:28.760 --> 01:15:35.320
Cuz there's like hardly any singles here, which I mean God can do anything, but I've tried here for a long time

1246
01:15:35.840 --> 01:15:38.000
And just ready for something new. So

1247
01:15:38.800 --> 01:15:43.040
It's been a long process. I don't know Ebony helped me to put down dating

1248
01:15:43.040 --> 01:15:46.400
I realized I need to see what God wanted to work on in me right now

1249
01:15:46.920 --> 01:15:50.240
And I don't feel like dating like actively dating

1250
01:15:50.240 --> 01:15:54.600
I have done it but I was like, I think just preparing for the next season

1251
01:15:54.600 --> 01:15:57.200
So I've just been preparing and I think that led me to seeing

1252
01:15:57.680 --> 01:16:02.200
Being like I want to move to Austin and then I checked the job site and they had an opening with my current

1253
01:16:02.800 --> 01:16:06.400
Position my current company, which I love. I'm a I love what I do

1254
01:16:06.400 --> 01:16:10.920
Um, so they had an opening in Austin and I was like that seems too good to be true

1255
01:16:11.480 --> 01:16:14.600
Who knows if the timing's gonna work out if I'll apply in time

1256
01:16:14.600 --> 01:16:17.840
Whatever told my supervisor because we have a good we have a good relationship

1257
01:16:18.840 --> 01:16:21.640
and I was like, yeah, I think I'm gonna apply and

1258
01:16:22.560 --> 01:16:29.400
It just was a funny moment cuz she was like, yeah, so are you gonna go apply and I was like, yeah, I guess so

1259
01:16:30.760 --> 01:16:37.800
So like I just wasn't really ready like but I am but like taking these steps has been like walking through quicksand

1260
01:16:37.800 --> 01:16:39.400
Like it's been really hard

1261
01:16:39.400 --> 01:16:45.520
But just trying to hold on to hope and not like God cares about my desires and not like it's not

1262
01:16:45.680 --> 01:16:49.840
Selfish like I'm going to be better for the people around me if I'm living in a place

1263
01:16:50.400 --> 01:16:53.040
That fits me better and

1264
01:16:54.840 --> 01:16:59.840
It's just been a whole thing and then it took like a month I guess to get the job

1265
01:16:59.840 --> 01:17:02.440
I thought it'd be really smooth and easy and it was smooth

1266
01:17:02.440 --> 01:17:06.080
but it took forever it felt like and it's how I'm gonna be in a

1267
01:17:06.360 --> 01:17:11.760
Relationship when I like someone and I know what I want. I'm gonna be like this was supposed to happen yesterday

1268
01:17:12.000 --> 01:17:14.400
my little anxious attachment self, so

1269
01:17:14.960 --> 01:17:18.560
Um, yeah, I finally they called and I got it and

1270
01:17:19.080 --> 01:17:24.840
I'm kind of in the scary part of packing up and I have to put my house on the market and that's really scary

1271
01:17:24.840 --> 01:17:26.840
and just financially but

1272
01:17:28.480 --> 01:17:31.920
God's provided and I think it'll all be okay

1273
01:17:31.920 --> 01:17:37.920
I'm just kind of in the scariest part of the now I have to find an apartment that's affordable in Austin

1274
01:17:37.920 --> 01:17:39.920
which I'm working on and

1275
01:17:40.400 --> 01:17:46.880
Ebony and this whole community is just I think the biggest lesson for me is like God cares about what I desire

1276
01:17:46.880 --> 01:17:50.960
like that's not a selfish thing that he made me to be who I am and

1277
01:17:52.680 --> 01:17:57.280
And he cares about those things and I think when I'm living in that I

1278
01:17:57.800 --> 01:18:02.720
I think a guy that I really enjoy and maybe will want a date or happy

1279
01:18:02.720 --> 01:18:09.200
My husband will be in the same kind of location. Maybe it's a hope

1280
01:18:10.800 --> 01:18:15.360
It's been so hard so everyone you can I don't know keep doing hard things

1281
01:18:15.360 --> 01:18:21.560
I don't know what to say. I still feel like it's hard and I still feel like I've experienced it like a darkness

1282
01:18:21.560 --> 01:18:25.120
I guess I don't want to share too much about that. But like I didn't really want to live anymore

1283
01:18:26.000 --> 01:18:27.480
and

1284
01:18:27.480 --> 01:18:31.120
yeah, so I'm still like I'm okay, but

1285
01:18:31.880 --> 01:18:36.840
I'm not like at risk or anything. I don't want to scare anybody, but I'm still like coming out

1286
01:18:39.920 --> 01:18:41.280
Yeah

1287
01:18:41.280 --> 01:18:43.280
Thank you for sharing Alexandra

1288
01:18:44.280 --> 01:18:46.440
The Lord is doing great things in her life

1289
01:18:47.680 --> 01:18:53.200
You know out to say the way we coach one person is not a coaching for everyone, right?

1290
01:18:53.200 --> 01:18:57.320
And so when Alex and just see it we say like hey, let's sit dating

1291
01:18:58.000 --> 01:19:00.000
Over here. This is too much on you

1292
01:19:00.760 --> 01:19:08.040
Sometimes we we pal on like God is working and moving and doing things and I like and we can pal on all these things

1293
01:19:08.560 --> 01:19:12.960
We're trying to date and I want to keep staying on the apps and I'll keep dating but he's you you're not

1294
01:19:13.360 --> 01:19:16.280
Continuing your living situation. You want to make moves in this area?

1295
01:19:16.280 --> 01:19:19.920
you want to make moves in this ear all of this can't get done at one time and

1296
01:19:20.160 --> 01:19:25.640
Because you sit things to the side and you deal with first things first and we see that the Lord has opened up this door

1297
01:19:25.640 --> 01:19:28.760
For her to come because Tyler was very hard on her

1298
01:19:29.560 --> 01:19:35.000
And so we believe that God is gonna continue doing the work in her life and we celebrate with her. Yeah

1299
01:19:35.200 --> 01:19:37.600
Thank you. Yeah, yeah

1300
01:19:39.120 --> 01:19:42.120
Alexandria your process. It's just you're

1301
01:19:43.000 --> 01:19:45.520
Inside to keep thing because it hasn't been that long

1302
01:19:46.120 --> 01:19:49.480
Since well, it's been a I guess it's been almost a year in this program

1303
01:19:49.480 --> 01:19:53.520
And I started putting things on my Jesus board and just like starting to dream

1304
01:19:54.000 --> 01:19:58.600
but I didn't really have a place in mind, but it's felt like forever happening, but

1305
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.040
That's the part with God that like I think I'm still wrestling through.

1306
01:20:04.040 --> 01:20:05.040
So it's just...

1307
01:20:05.040 --> 01:20:06.040
I know.

1308
01:20:06.040 --> 01:20:11.280
It's kind of like when you say what happens, it's like, yeah, when did you start believing

1309
01:20:11.280 --> 01:20:12.280
God for a spouse?

1310
01:20:12.280 --> 01:20:13.280
It was last year.

1311
01:20:13.280 --> 01:20:14.280
It was the longest journey ever.

1312
01:20:14.280 --> 01:20:16.040
And then the next year, he's like, oh, I'm married.

1313
01:20:16.040 --> 01:20:20.320
Oh, last year this time I wasn't married or last year this time, but you have to actually

1314
01:20:20.320 --> 01:20:21.320
get to the other side.

1315
01:20:21.320 --> 01:20:28.720
And then when you look back, you're like, oh, it sure didn't feel like it.

1316
01:20:28.720 --> 01:20:31.320
I really see how he's been preparing me.

1317
01:20:31.320 --> 01:20:35.120
Like I just wasn't I really wasn't ready to move.

1318
01:20:35.120 --> 01:20:40.360
I really wanted to, but like this community was that like pillow, like a cushion to like

1319
01:20:40.360 --> 01:20:41.560
help me get through.

1320
01:20:41.560 --> 01:20:46.200
And I've had other other godly people in my life along the way that have helped me to

1321
01:20:46.200 --> 01:20:47.200
wait.

1322
01:20:47.200 --> 01:20:50.680
But it's been a hard wait for sure.

1323
01:20:50.680 --> 01:20:51.680
But thank you.

1324
01:20:51.680 --> 01:20:52.960
Thanks for all your encouragement.

1325
01:20:52.960 --> 01:20:55.720
And yeah, everybody for your help.

1326
01:20:55.720 --> 01:20:58.280
I just wanted to encourage people to hopefully.

1327
01:20:58.840 --> 01:20:59.840
Encouraging to people.

1328
01:20:59.840 --> 01:21:00.840
I don't know.

1329
01:21:00.840 --> 01:21:01.840
Yeah.

1330
01:21:01.840 --> 01:21:04.120
We would have to get you into Austin and live on you.

1331
01:21:04.120 --> 01:21:05.120
Yeah.

1332
01:21:05.120 --> 01:21:06.120
For you.

1333
01:21:06.120 --> 01:21:07.120
Yeah.

1334
01:21:07.120 --> 01:21:08.120
I love that.

1335
01:21:08.120 --> 01:21:09.120
I'll definitely give you a hug.

1336
01:21:09.120 --> 01:21:10.120
I'm a hugger.

1337
01:21:10.120 --> 01:21:11.120
So.

1338
01:21:11.120 --> 01:21:12.120
Okay, great.

1339
01:21:12.120 --> 01:21:13.120
Great.

1340
01:21:13.120 --> 01:21:14.120
Great.

1341
01:21:14.120 --> 01:21:15.120
Thanks for sharing.

1342
01:21:15.120 --> 01:21:16.120
Who's next?

1343
01:21:16.120 --> 01:21:17.120
Go for it.

1344
01:21:17.120 --> 01:21:18.120
I go next.

1345
01:21:18.120 --> 01:21:19.120
Go for it.

1346
01:21:19.120 --> 01:21:20.120
Okay.

1347
01:21:20.120 --> 01:21:21.120
Hi, Ebony.

1348
01:21:21.120 --> 01:21:22.120
Hi, everybody.

1349
01:21:22.120 --> 01:21:29.240
I've I've processed some with Carla the last couple of weeks about that.

1350
01:21:29.240 --> 01:21:33.640
That thing that I had wrote about with the guy who got a girlfriend.

1351
01:21:33.640 --> 01:21:38.840
And I anyways, all this these things that and my nervous system was like jacked up.

1352
01:21:38.840 --> 01:21:42.000
And I couldn't sleep.

1353
01:21:42.000 --> 01:21:44.800
So I could totally relate about the nervous system stuff.

1354
01:21:44.800 --> 01:21:49.040
But I just, you know, I try to go back and I try to figure out what went wrong.

1355
01:21:49.040 --> 01:21:50.040
Like what?

1356
01:21:50.040 --> 01:21:51.040
How?

1357
01:21:51.040 --> 01:21:52.040
What happened?

1358
01:21:52.960 --> 01:21:55.080
I think I think we were in level one.

1359
01:21:55.080 --> 01:22:00.200
And I mean, we were talking beyond like, pleasantries.

1360
01:22:00.200 --> 01:22:01.200
I think.

1361
01:22:01.200 --> 01:22:03.520
I mean, not really, yes and no.

1362
01:22:03.520 --> 01:22:09.800
So I don't know, I maybe I was mentally in a level two, but we were still in level one.

1363
01:22:09.800 --> 01:22:11.840
And and then maybe the maturity wasn't there.

1364
01:22:11.840 --> 01:22:15.640
Because I was talking to somebody recently, she's like, really, he's his maturity is not

1365
01:22:15.640 --> 01:22:16.640
there.

1366
01:22:16.640 --> 01:22:20.400
And it's like, well, how do you until you kind of spend some time getting to know them

1367
01:22:20.400 --> 01:22:21.400
and stuff?

1368
01:22:21.760 --> 01:22:25.320
Like, how do how do we know when we're going from level one to level two?

1369
01:22:25.320 --> 01:22:30.240
Maybe I guess is it is it only until they ask you out because I was never asked out.

1370
01:22:30.240 --> 01:22:36.840
But but yet he was building he was doing like, I was we were both didn't guard our hearts.

1371
01:22:36.840 --> 01:22:37.840
And it was very evident.

1372
01:22:37.840 --> 01:22:39.400
And it was very hard.

1373
01:22:39.400 --> 01:22:42.440
We go to church together at the same church.

1374
01:22:42.440 --> 01:22:48.240
And so, you know, you could just see, like, I we both are struggling and guarding our

1375
01:22:48.240 --> 01:22:49.240
hearts.

1376
01:22:49.560 --> 01:22:55.040
And so I think that probably was just the fact, yeah, not the maturity there.

1377
01:22:55.040 --> 01:22:56.040
Maybe.

1378
01:22:56.040 --> 01:22:59.440
I don't know if I didn't realize he wasn't mature.

1379
01:22:59.440 --> 01:23:03.920
But then as time went on, I kind of saw some things, you know.

1380
01:23:03.920 --> 01:23:05.840
But I would say maybe we didn't guard our hearts.

1381
01:23:05.840 --> 01:23:08.520
And maybe I thought we were in level two, but we were actually in level one.

1382
01:23:08.520 --> 01:23:13.840
And it was just like, you were definitely in level two, level one is just such a small

1383
01:23:13.840 --> 01:23:16.400
it's just when you it's the first time you say hello.

1384
01:23:16.400 --> 01:23:23.080
But let me just drop my memory on this story.

1385
01:23:23.080 --> 01:23:25.880
He was in a relationship with someone else.

1386
01:23:25.880 --> 01:23:34.800
No, I so we were for a couple years just trying to figure out like what and this and that

1387
01:23:34.800 --> 01:23:37.160
and do is there attractions or not?

1388
01:23:37.160 --> 01:23:38.160
Is there interest?

1389
01:23:38.160 --> 01:23:40.680
Is there not?

1390
01:23:40.680 --> 01:23:41.680
Communication was horrible.

1391
01:23:42.680 --> 01:23:48.880
and and people about this, like, I felt like communication just wasn't there.

1392
01:23:48.880 --> 01:23:51.800
And maybe I, I'm my communication was probably not there, too.

1393
01:23:51.800 --> 01:23:54.120
But there was a lot of like, not talking.

1394
01:23:54.120 --> 01:23:56.880
And it was interesting how you were talking about how they observe, like guys observe

1395
01:23:56.880 --> 01:24:00.640
and girls want to connect and talk.

1396
01:24:00.640 --> 01:24:06.720
So I was observing, I mean, but, you know, he can talk and he can connect, but it was

1397
01:24:06.720 --> 01:24:08.400
kind of sporadic.

1398
01:24:08.400 --> 01:24:10.720
And then we would talk and then we wouldn't talk for a while.

1399
01:24:10.760 --> 01:24:12.880
And I don't know, we were both kind of playing games.

1400
01:24:12.880 --> 01:24:18.400
It felt like a lot of game playing a lot of hiding a lot of just it was very unhealthy.

1401
01:24:18.400 --> 01:24:25.560
And and then when he he I felt like he was building this connection, this this attachment

1402
01:24:25.560 --> 01:24:29.680
to me without talking without defining anything, right?

1403
01:24:29.680 --> 01:24:33.440
Like I brought invited somebody to church, a guy that I've known forever, you know, not

1404
01:24:33.440 --> 01:24:34.880
a Christian.

1405
01:24:34.880 --> 01:24:36.040
And then he wasn't there.

1406
01:24:36.040 --> 01:24:40.680
But he found out about the next week and he was all like, oh, you know.

1407
01:24:41.640 --> 01:24:45.760
And it was like it showed me that he had this attachment to me, this connection, that this

1408
01:24:45.760 --> 01:24:50.240
possession of me almost like it felt like a possession that like we haven't even discussed

1409
01:24:50.240 --> 01:24:51.240
anything.

1410
01:24:51.240 --> 01:24:52.240
We haven't talked on him.

1411
01:24:52.240 --> 01:24:53.240
We haven't shared our feelings.

1412
01:24:53.240 --> 01:24:54.400
We haven't, you know.

1413
01:24:54.400 --> 01:24:56.320
So it was very it felt very comfortable.

1414
01:24:56.320 --> 01:24:59.840
So now I'm like, OK, let me start putting up boundaries and, you know.

1415
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.600
And then he didn't like that. And then so it was just all kinds of crazy stuff, but not a lot of

1416
01:25:05.600 --> 01:25:12.080
words, nothing where we were like, actually sharing, you know, our interests in one another.

1417
01:25:12.080 --> 01:25:17.600
And, and I look back and I'm and then, well, anyways, moving forward. So then eventually,

1418
01:25:17.600 --> 01:25:23.280
right, so now it's like, and he would like, he would kind of like do things that made me feel

1419
01:25:23.280 --> 01:25:30.320
like he was manipulating me. It was very, I felt very manipulated. And then, so I'm kind of still

1420
01:25:30.320 --> 01:25:33.760
setting up some boundaries and stuff, trying to set up some boundaries. And then finally,

1421
01:25:33.760 --> 01:25:36.960
I feel like he stops. And I'm like, okay, now I feel like I can connect with him. So now I'm

1422
01:25:36.960 --> 01:25:42.400
trying to connect with him. But now I'm going the other, the other like extreme where now I'm,

1423
01:25:42.400 --> 01:25:47.280
I'm kind of not selling Carla this and I and she and I was like, I was kind of flirting,

1424
01:25:47.280 --> 01:25:51.920
kind of teasing, right? So now I'm going in that direction. And then a couple weeks later,

1425
01:25:51.920 --> 01:25:58.640
I find out that he has a girlfriend and I'm just like, what? So all this unhealthy craziness

1426
01:25:58.640 --> 01:26:04.320
games, what are we doing? I don't know. And then, and then it is like that. And now and then

1427
01:26:04.320 --> 01:26:07.600
and it's like, I feel like he couldn't take the cope. He couldn't cope with rejection.

1428
01:26:08.160 --> 01:26:11.920
And now I feel like I can't and I'm just like, you know, you just want to get revenge. You want

1429
01:26:11.920 --> 01:26:17.520
all those crazy things, the dark feminine stuff that you're like, okay, Lord, please contain me

1430
01:26:17.520 --> 01:26:25.600
and, and hold me and help me to not go crazy female. Right. Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot because

1431
01:26:25.600 --> 01:26:30.800
when he pulled back, you drew back, pull them back for the, you know, for whatever you're receiving.

1432
01:26:30.800 --> 01:26:37.440
And so, yeah, I'm so glad that you brought that to an end. That's, that's not kind to you.

1433
01:26:38.720 --> 01:26:45.680
Not kind, right. Not healthy. Yeah. And I, and I felt frustrated that I wanted to hold on to that

1434
01:26:45.680 --> 01:26:49.760
and I wanted to bring it back and I'm frustrated. Like, why did I do that? You know, but for some

1435
01:26:49.760 --> 01:26:56.880
reason I did and yeah. So yeah, not kind, right. Like there could have been better communication.

1436
01:26:56.880 --> 01:27:01.600
I mean, definitely on both of our parts, but I think he felt like, I think he was interested

1437
01:27:01.600 --> 01:27:05.840
in then, but when I kind of what saw some things that caused me to not be interested, he kind of

1438
01:27:05.840 --> 01:27:13.840
was like, you know, doing whatever to try to minimize the rejection or not make it such a big

1439
01:27:13.840 --> 01:27:21.920
blow or something. But yeah, I think it's just a lack of communication. And, um, you know,

1440
01:27:21.920 --> 01:27:27.120
one thing that you can glean from this is moving forward. You always have clear communication.

1441
01:27:28.080 --> 01:27:35.600
Yeah. We're not going to entertain emotional things without clear communication. Yeah. Yeah.

1442
01:27:35.600 --> 01:27:40.240
Which is like, at one point I could have been like, like he talked for me. At one point we

1443
01:27:40.240 --> 01:27:44.320
were talking with somebody else from church and somebody joked around with me, kind of teased me

1444
01:27:44.320 --> 01:27:50.400
about something. And then he said something to, to, you know, and I, I didn't feel like anything

1445
01:27:50.400 --> 01:27:55.040
needed to be said. And instead of addressing that, I just let it go. And then I kind of pulled back

1446
01:27:55.040 --> 01:27:58.400
because, you know, rather than addressing it, like, oh, I could have just said, oh, I didn't

1447
01:27:58.400 --> 01:28:03.040
feel like anything really needed to be said there, but instead I, you know, I pulled back and I

1448
01:28:03.040 --> 01:28:13.040
didn't say anything. And so no clear definitions of the relationship. Yeah. No, it was just all

1449
01:28:13.040 --> 01:28:21.120
sorts of confusion there. Absolutely. Yeah. And that's because of the maturity wasn't there.

1450
01:28:21.120 --> 01:28:30.160
And so maybe that was why. Well, you, you didn't also require any definition

1451
01:28:30.240 --> 01:28:37.120
before allowing yourself to get more. You didn't probably see how far along you were going,

1452
01:28:37.120 --> 01:28:42.480
you know, in emotionally with him, but you know, this was before the program and now you're equipped

1453
01:28:42.480 --> 01:28:47.200
different and you're empowered differently. And so now that won't be an issue for you because

1454
01:28:47.200 --> 01:28:53.840
you know what it costs you when you don't. Clarity is kind. When we're clear, we have clarity.

1455
01:28:53.840 --> 01:28:57.600
That's kindness. And so you always want to move in clarity.

1456
01:29:00.560 --> 01:29:04.400
Okay. Thank you very much. You're welcome.

1457
01:29:07.200 --> 01:29:16.640
Go for it, Karen. Okay. Hi. So just a little update. I went on two dates with Chuck,

1458
01:29:16.640 --> 01:29:22.720
the guy that was divorced, but then he, uh, uh, divorced, whatever. Anyway, the first date was

1459
01:29:22.720 --> 01:29:28.240
so great. We had so much fun. I mean, it was just Starbucks and then we chatted for a while

1460
01:29:28.800 --> 01:29:32.400
and then we decided to get dinner. So then we went out and got dinner at the same time.

1461
01:29:33.040 --> 01:29:36.720
Um, I think the date started at six. I didn't get home to like 10 30 that night.

1462
01:29:37.680 --> 01:29:42.800
And then the next day, like we text a little bit and I was like, when's our next date? And he was

1463
01:29:42.800 --> 01:29:48.000
like, is tomorrow too soon? And I was like, okay, I can make that work. So we went out again on a

1464
01:29:48.000 --> 01:29:55.840
Sunday and we went out for some Mexican food and a walk in the park and I wasn't feeling it.

1465
01:29:56.480 --> 01:29:59.840
And so I'm like, what happened? Like I was feeling it.

1466
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.560
the first date, but not the second date.

1467
01:30:02.560 --> 01:30:08.440
And I think it was like, we talked on the phone for two hours before we met.

1468
01:30:08.440 --> 01:30:11.980
We talked on the phone like six months ago, a couple hours, right?

1469
01:30:11.980 --> 01:30:15.400
So we've had like the small talk stuff for a while.

1470
01:30:15.400 --> 01:30:19.720
And then when we were talking at the Mexican restaurant, I mean, it was a Sunday.

1471
01:30:19.720 --> 01:30:23.320
So I asked him how his church was and he said, oh, it was good, da, da, da.

1472
01:30:23.320 --> 01:30:26.160
And then I said, do you do any Bible studies in your church or whatever?

1473
01:30:26.160 --> 01:30:30.320
He goes, no, I don't have time for that.

1474
01:30:30.320 --> 01:30:33.040
I'm on the road too much.

1475
01:30:33.040 --> 01:30:38.780
And he's not involved in any of like, and I don't think he even really owns a Bible.

1476
01:30:38.780 --> 01:30:43.560
And so I think once he said those things, I was turned off like immediately.

1477
01:30:43.560 --> 01:30:47.040
And I was like, am I doing the right thing?

1478
01:30:47.040 --> 01:30:53.660
Like, because the next day after the date, he sent me a good morning text and a picture.

1479
01:30:53.660 --> 01:30:55.080
And then I just didn't respond.

1480
01:30:55.080 --> 01:30:56.120
And I didn't respond.

1481
01:30:57.080 --> 01:31:00.720
And then like Wednesday comes along and he sends me the same message, good morning, and

1482
01:31:00.720 --> 01:31:01.720
then a picture.

1483
01:31:01.720 --> 01:31:02.720
And I didn't respond.

1484
01:31:02.720 --> 01:31:07.640
And I was like, I am pulling away and I think I'm feeling ick.

1485
01:31:07.640 --> 01:31:11.960
I'm feeling ick because I'm not interested anymore and I don't know what to do.

1486
01:31:11.960 --> 01:31:13.920
And he's feeling interested and I'm not.

1487
01:31:13.920 --> 01:31:16.440
And I don't like that unbalanced.

1488
01:31:16.440 --> 01:31:19.340
Like he's more interested in me than I am with him and I didn't know what to do.

1489
01:31:19.340 --> 01:31:25.440
So eventually after a bit of time of processing, I sent him a message letting him know that

1490
01:31:25.460 --> 01:31:28.600
I just don't think that we're a match and I really appreciate him like treating me like

1491
01:31:28.600 --> 01:31:31.200
a lady and you know, whatever.

1492
01:31:31.200 --> 01:31:32.840
So we ended it and it's fine.

1493
01:31:32.840 --> 01:31:36.840
But I'm like, when you know after like the second date, like, is that the right thing

1494
01:31:36.840 --> 01:31:37.840
to do?

1495
01:31:37.840 --> 01:31:38.840
Or should I have given him more time?

1496
01:31:38.840 --> 01:31:41.560
I don't like, am I being avoidant?

1497
01:31:41.560 --> 01:31:44.280
Like I'm trying to just like evaluate myself.

1498
01:31:44.280 --> 01:31:45.960
Okay.

1499
01:31:45.960 --> 01:31:52.120
So what happened was he shared information with you that was distasteful to you.

1500
01:31:52.120 --> 01:31:55.960
You labeled it, you just know, you didn't know anything.

1501
01:31:55.960 --> 01:31:59.960
All you knew is that he didn't read his Bible and you didn't like it.

1502
01:31:59.960 --> 01:32:00.960
Yeah.

1503
01:32:00.960 --> 01:32:01.960
Right?

1504
01:32:01.960 --> 01:32:09.680
Because that's the only information that you received that changed your experience.

1505
01:32:09.680 --> 01:32:14.440
And when he said he didn't read his Bible, that was a non-negotiable for you clearly.

1506
01:32:14.440 --> 01:32:15.440
Okay.

1507
01:32:15.440 --> 01:32:18.480
And that's an okay non-negotiable, right?

1508
01:32:18.480 --> 01:32:20.920
That's an okay one or not an okay one?

1509
01:32:21.760 --> 01:32:23.240
I mean, I know.

1510
01:32:23.240 --> 01:32:27.120
So there are plenty of people who are righteous that don't read their Bible.

1511
01:32:27.120 --> 01:32:28.120
Yeah.

1512
01:32:28.120 --> 01:32:31.440
People go to church every Sunday, they don't read their Bible.

1513
01:32:31.440 --> 01:32:35.400
There are lots of believers who do not read their Bible.

1514
01:32:35.400 --> 01:32:44.320
I had to actually practice, create a pattern in me of reading my Bible to be intentional

1515
01:32:44.320 --> 01:32:48.880
about increasing my capacity of scripture and it was very directed.

1516
01:32:48.880 --> 01:32:53.760
And so there are seasons where I read, well, not now, transition past that point, but there

1517
01:32:53.760 --> 01:32:57.360
are seasons where I probably worship more than I read my Bible.

1518
01:32:57.360 --> 01:32:59.920
Like a lot of Christians neglect.

1519
01:32:59.920 --> 01:33:05.920
If we took a toll of these people on the call right now, I guarantee you, I can ask how

1520
01:33:05.920 --> 01:33:10.960
many people consistently read their Bible and we may not get a lot of hands raised.

1521
01:33:10.960 --> 01:33:17.760
So I don't know exactly what that represents to you that he says, probably because he said,

1522
01:33:17.760 --> 01:33:20.320
I don't have time for it, I travel too much.

1523
01:33:20.320 --> 01:33:25.680
But you may have associated that with his level of intimacy with the Lord or the type

1524
01:33:25.680 --> 01:33:29.760
of relationship he has with God, right?

1525
01:33:29.760 --> 01:33:33.120
Instead of just saying, okay, you don't read your Bible, okay?

1526
01:33:33.120 --> 01:33:34.480
That's interesting.

1527
01:33:34.480 --> 01:33:41.160
And then you could mention, hey, if you ever moved to a point of talking about future,

1528
01:33:41.160 --> 01:33:46.240
you ever advanced, you could have kept getting to know him and just made a note of that.

1529
01:33:46.320 --> 01:33:50.400
As you advance later on, you can say, hey, I know you like to go exclusive, but there

1530
01:33:50.400 --> 01:33:53.200
are some things you mentioned to me that I'm concerned about.

1531
01:33:53.200 --> 01:33:54.960
You said that you don't study your word.

1532
01:33:54.960 --> 01:33:59.440
And that's a big deal for me, because if I were to go exclusive with you, that means

1533
01:33:59.440 --> 01:34:01.680
that you will be a leader in our home.

1534
01:34:02.480 --> 01:34:10.720
And this is an area that I would like to see you grow in because then if all other things

1535
01:34:10.720 --> 01:34:12.400
checked and you say, I will go exclusive.

1536
01:34:12.400 --> 01:34:13.200
I want to see you grow.

1537
01:34:13.200 --> 01:34:15.520
Then you get an opportunity to watch him grow.

1538
01:34:15.600 --> 01:34:19.440
You get an opportunity to see him find community that helps him grow.

1539
01:34:19.440 --> 01:34:22.240
And so there are ways to go for that.

1540
01:34:22.240 --> 01:34:28.560
But whatever, when he said that represented to you, represented something else, represented

1541
01:34:28.560 --> 01:34:34.160
something else, like you had time to attach that with so many things, right?

1542
01:34:34.160 --> 01:34:35.440
Okay.

1543
01:34:39.120 --> 01:34:44.080
But when he said that, it kind of reminds me of this.

1544
01:34:45.040 --> 01:34:51.600
I was talking to this guy that I was absolutely in awe of, and he started making very cheeky

1545
01:34:51.600 --> 01:34:54.160
jokes, but they were sexual in nature.

1546
01:34:56.160 --> 01:34:59.760
Immediately, I lost all that.

1547
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:02.000
Nothing, period.

1548
01:35:02.000 --> 01:35:04.480
It was as if I never even knew him.

1549
01:35:04.480 --> 01:35:06.480
Yeah.

1550
01:35:06.480 --> 01:35:09.840
And it caught me off guard.

1551
01:35:09.840 --> 01:35:16.200
And so the next day, I said, hey, you made these jokes.

1552
01:35:16.200 --> 01:35:18.440
I was uncomfortable with that.

1553
01:35:18.440 --> 01:35:23.680
That's not something that I will allow for in our conversation.

1554
01:35:23.680 --> 01:35:26.840
And he responded, it'll never happen again.

1555
01:35:26.840 --> 01:35:28.440
And it never happened again.

1556
01:35:28.440 --> 01:35:30.520
Instantly, when it never happened again,

1557
01:35:30.520 --> 01:35:34.200
I became back at all.

1558
01:35:34.200 --> 01:35:36.720
But literally, what he did, I was like, I don't even like you.

1559
01:35:36.720 --> 01:35:37.920
I was going to block him.

1560
01:35:37.920 --> 01:35:41.080
It was like this instant, like, ugh.

1561
01:35:41.080 --> 01:35:42.960
How did I ever consider you?

1562
01:35:42.960 --> 01:35:47.000
Oh, my goodness, you are disgusting.

1563
01:35:47.000 --> 01:35:48.640
Well, that's kind of how I felt, too.

1564
01:35:48.640 --> 01:35:52.320
And it's like just over the, because I teach the Bible.

1565
01:35:52.320 --> 01:35:54.840
I'm a Bible study leader, and I guess that just bothered me.

1566
01:35:54.840 --> 01:35:56.440
I'm like, no.

1567
01:35:56.440 --> 01:36:00.720
I don't want to fall into teaching you.

1568
01:36:00.720 --> 01:36:04.280
So you see, it wasn't just one thought.

1569
01:36:04.280 --> 01:36:05.720
It was a thought connected that you

1570
01:36:05.720 --> 01:36:08.520
were going to have to teach him, which is not the order.

1571
01:36:08.520 --> 01:36:10.320
Because he didn't ask you to be his teacher.

1572
01:36:10.320 --> 01:36:11.920
He didn't want you to be his teacher.

1573
01:36:11.920 --> 01:36:15.000
He gets to choose if he wants to learn his Bible.

1574
01:36:15.000 --> 01:36:16.480
You assume the role.

1575
01:36:16.480 --> 01:36:18.800
You're not his mama.

1576
01:36:18.800 --> 01:36:21.680
When he said that, you could have said, oh, my goodness.

1577
01:36:21.680 --> 01:36:25.080
This is challenging for me, because I'm a Bible.

1578
01:36:25.080 --> 01:36:26.320
I love the Bible.

1579
01:36:27.080 --> 01:36:27.880
I teach the word.

1580
01:36:27.880 --> 01:36:32.920
Can you tell me, like, what else stops you besides time?

1581
01:36:32.920 --> 01:36:35.280
Like, you could have explored that with him.

1582
01:36:35.280 --> 01:36:39.840
But somewhere in you outpaced yourself to the future.

1583
01:36:39.840 --> 01:36:40.640
Yeah, OK.

1584
01:36:40.640 --> 01:36:43.120
You see that outpacing, and you didn't have the infrastructure

1585
01:36:43.120 --> 01:36:44.920
to uphold that pacing.

1586
01:36:44.920 --> 01:36:46.240
Baby, you went to the future and said,

1587
01:36:46.240 --> 01:36:48.200
I'm going to have to teach this man the Bible.

1588
01:36:48.200 --> 01:36:50.160
Hey, hey, hey.

1589
01:36:50.160 --> 01:36:51.760
What's wrong?

1590
01:36:51.760 --> 01:36:54.560
When you could have stayed present in the moment,

1591
01:36:55.520 --> 01:36:58.760
but that also means you put some weight on something else.

1592
01:36:58.760 --> 01:37:02.280
You also futuristic something else before you got there.

1593
01:37:02.280 --> 01:37:04.200
It could have been the fact that he came around.

1594
01:37:04.200 --> 01:37:05.440
Maybe he's the one.

1595
01:37:05.440 --> 01:37:10.320
Or that after all this time, he came back.

1596
01:37:10.320 --> 01:37:12.480
There's so many different thought patterns that could

1597
01:37:12.480 --> 01:37:14.800
have got you to that place.

1598
01:37:14.800 --> 01:37:16.360
Something got you there.

1599
01:37:16.360 --> 01:37:18.600
Something made you believe you were going to have to teach

1600
01:37:18.600 --> 01:37:21.200
somebody the Bible.

1601
01:37:21.200 --> 01:37:22.320
Yeah.

1602
01:37:22.320 --> 01:37:22.800
Right?

1603
01:37:22.800 --> 01:37:24.200
And then it's like, forget that.

1604
01:37:24.200 --> 01:37:25.600
I ain't teaching no man no Bible.

1605
01:37:25.600 --> 01:37:26.400
I ain't got time.

1606
01:37:26.400 --> 01:37:28.760
I ain't over with it.

1607
01:37:28.760 --> 01:37:32.480
But so that's how that sounds.

1608
01:37:32.480 --> 01:37:36.120
I think that next time, you could just be like, wow.

1609
01:37:36.120 --> 01:37:37.520
You could still be explorative.

1610
01:37:37.520 --> 01:37:40.800
Because remember, you're in Dating for Discovery level 2.

1611
01:37:40.800 --> 01:37:43.760
But it's the history that outpaced you.

1612
01:37:43.760 --> 01:37:46.640
But you can't let your history outpace you.

1613
01:37:46.640 --> 01:37:48.080
Yeah.

1614
01:37:48.080 --> 01:37:49.280
OK.

1615
01:37:49.280 --> 01:37:52.160
You were supposed to have been still curious.

1616
01:37:52.160 --> 01:37:54.440
And like, wow.

1617
01:37:54.440 --> 01:37:56.600
And right?

1618
01:37:56.600 --> 01:37:57.240
OK.

1619
01:37:57.240 --> 01:38:01.680
So was that naturally like an avoidant type of attachment

1620
01:38:01.680 --> 01:38:03.480
thing that I kind of acted in?

1621
01:38:03.480 --> 01:38:04.560
I really wouldn't.

1622
01:38:04.560 --> 01:38:08.080
I really would encourage you not to label that.

1623
01:38:08.080 --> 01:38:10.000
I want you to see it for what it is.

1624
01:38:10.000 --> 01:38:11.560
This is what just happened.

1625
01:38:11.560 --> 01:38:12.360
Yeah.

1626
01:38:12.360 --> 01:38:14.320
Whether you are anxious or avoidant,

1627
01:38:14.320 --> 01:38:16.080
it has no consequence to this.

1628
01:38:16.080 --> 01:38:17.440
This is what happened.

1629
01:38:17.440 --> 01:38:18.160
Yeah.

1630
01:38:18.160 --> 01:38:19.400
He said something.

1631
01:38:19.400 --> 01:38:20.680
You were in the future.

1632
01:38:20.680 --> 01:38:22.960
You outpaced the infrastructure that you had.

1633
01:38:22.960 --> 01:38:24.760
You didn't have infrastructure to hold up

1634
01:38:24.760 --> 01:38:27.920
that type of comment or that thought pattern that you had.

1635
01:38:27.920 --> 01:38:29.480
You were in the future saying, you're

1636
01:38:29.480 --> 01:38:31.840
going to have to teach this man how to read the Bible.

1637
01:38:31.840 --> 01:38:34.240
Your thoughts weren't, oh, man.

1638
01:38:34.240 --> 01:38:36.320
What skill set do I have to encourage him?

1639
01:38:36.320 --> 01:38:37.760
I'm a teacher of the word.

1640
01:38:37.760 --> 01:38:38.960
What can I explore?

1641
01:38:38.960 --> 01:38:42.240
What can I ask him to get him excited about the Bible

1642
01:38:42.240 --> 01:38:43.040
possibly?

1643
01:38:43.040 --> 01:38:44.360
Or just to see where he's at.

1644
01:38:44.360 --> 01:38:45.520
He says, I don't have time.

1645
01:38:45.520 --> 01:38:47.560
Be like, oh, wow.

1646
01:38:47.560 --> 01:38:49.320
You never know when you share how much

1647
01:38:49.360 --> 01:38:52.840
you said the Bible would have lit something in him.

1648
01:38:52.840 --> 01:38:53.640
Right?

1649
01:38:53.640 --> 01:38:54.440
Yeah.

1650
01:38:54.440 --> 01:38:55.440
OK.

1651
01:38:55.440 --> 01:38:58.600
Yeah, or you could have made suggestions if he ever asked,

1652
01:38:58.600 --> 01:39:00.080
not without him asking.

1653
01:39:00.080 --> 01:39:03.200
He probably could listen to it on Audible sometimes.

1654
01:39:03.200 --> 01:39:04.960
He probably could read one scripture a day

1655
01:39:04.960 --> 01:39:05.680
when he wakes up.

1656
01:39:05.680 --> 01:39:09.000
There's so many ways in curiosity that it could go.

1657
01:39:09.000 --> 01:39:11.000
Yeah, yeah.

1658
01:39:11.000 --> 01:39:12.240
But it's not a redo.

1659
01:39:12.240 --> 01:39:13.040
It's not an undo.

1660
01:39:13.040 --> 01:39:13.920
It's not a backdo.

1661
01:39:13.920 --> 01:39:15.400
It's a done deal.

1662
01:39:15.400 --> 01:39:16.240
Yeah.

1663
01:39:16.240 --> 01:39:18.480
But this is a great discovery for you.

1664
01:39:18.480 --> 01:39:21.280
And that's why I say nothing is wasted.

1665
01:39:21.280 --> 01:39:22.080
Yeah.

1666
01:39:22.080 --> 01:39:25.640
Because that one statement, you Zoomed it to the future

1667
01:39:25.640 --> 01:39:27.080
and you ended it.

1668
01:39:27.080 --> 01:39:29.040
You're not dealing with avoiding or anxious.

1669
01:39:29.040 --> 01:39:32.280
You already had some other stuff.

1670
01:39:32.280 --> 01:39:34.520
I would go back and process what else was playing

1671
01:39:34.520 --> 01:39:37.040
in the background too.

1672
01:39:37.040 --> 01:39:38.560
OK.

1673
01:39:38.560 --> 01:39:42.120
Because that is quick.

1674
01:39:42.120 --> 01:39:43.240
I know.

1675
01:39:43.240 --> 01:39:44.520
I know.

1676
01:39:44.520 --> 01:39:45.320
Yeah.

1677
01:39:45.320 --> 01:39:48.560
You could avoid him afterwards because you

1678
01:39:48.560 --> 01:39:51.040
said you needed time to process.

1679
01:39:51.040 --> 01:39:51.920
Yeah.

1680
01:39:51.920 --> 01:39:54.600
That doesn't feel good, but that's what you did.

1681
01:39:54.600 --> 01:39:55.600
Yeah.

1682
01:39:55.600 --> 01:39:56.120
I know.

1683
01:39:56.120 --> 01:39:56.640
I know.

1684
01:39:56.640 --> 01:39:59.440
And I didn't want to be like that, but what's that?

1685
01:39:59.440 --> 01:40:01.280
So you repeated.

1686
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.600
The same pattern you did when he told you you didn't read the Bible instead of opening up your

1687
01:40:03.600 --> 01:40:09.200
mouth and saying something, you kept quiet. And then you did the next thing you could have said,

1688
01:40:09.200 --> 01:40:13.840
I got so thrown off when you told me you didn't read the Bible. I just need time to process this.

1689
01:40:16.240 --> 01:40:16.480
Yeah.

1690
01:40:16.480 --> 01:40:20.080
That's something I want you to practice in your next getting to know people,

1691
01:40:20.080 --> 01:40:21.760
practice using your voice.

1692
01:40:21.760 --> 01:40:23.520
Okay. That's good.

1693
01:40:24.560 --> 01:40:27.520
It's just being vulnerable. It's called vulnerability.

1694
01:40:28.320 --> 01:40:32.320
Yeah. Okay. Thank you, Ebony.

1695
01:40:32.320 --> 01:40:37.520
You're welcome. How interesting. Okay, ladies, it has been lovely.

1696
01:40:39.840 --> 01:40:42.080
I hope that you all have a good night.

1697
01:40:42.080 --> 01:40:44.080
Ebony, can I just ask a really quick question?

1698
01:40:44.640 --> 01:40:45.520
Yeah, go ahead.

1699
01:40:46.240 --> 01:40:52.080
Okay. Yeah. On Sunday after worship, I was talking with the preacher and his wife from

1700
01:40:52.080 --> 01:40:56.080
church about dating Wade. And they're like, well, when are you going to invite him to church?

1701
01:40:56.160 --> 01:41:03.840
And so I was just wondering, is that something that I should do at this point? Or I don't know.

1702
01:41:04.400 --> 01:41:10.400
I just remember hearing that to not visit each other's churches for a certain period of time.

1703
01:41:11.520 --> 01:41:15.440
Yeah. You guys are too much in, but I will tell you before inviting him to your church,

1704
01:41:15.440 --> 01:41:17.200
I would like to see him talk to you more.

1705
01:41:18.320 --> 01:41:18.720
Oh, okay.

1706
01:41:19.360 --> 01:41:21.680
I think it is interesting to me.

1707
01:41:26.000 --> 01:41:31.920
It's interesting to me that he wants to text you through the week instead of talking.

1708
01:41:34.000 --> 01:41:37.120
I want to see him under your request for more connection.

1709
01:41:39.120 --> 01:41:44.320
So for me, that needs to come first before you invite him to your church,

1710
01:41:44.320 --> 01:41:47.280
because you're moving on like everything is okay and it's not okay.

1711
01:41:48.880 --> 01:41:50.080
Right. Yeah.

1712
01:41:50.080 --> 01:41:54.080
You want more connection, right?

1713
01:41:55.040 --> 01:42:00.000
Oh yeah. Yeah. So I say do that first and then invite him to church.

1714
01:42:00.560 --> 01:42:01.600
Okay. Sounds good.

1715
01:42:02.320 --> 01:42:03.920
Okay. All right.

1716
01:42:03.920 --> 01:42:04.240
Thank you.

1717
01:42:05.040 --> 01:42:08.320
Oh, you, of course you're welcome. So the activation is,

1718
01:42:09.120 --> 01:42:12.800
it's going to get posted in the app and let me just tell you what it is.

1719
01:42:12.880 --> 01:42:16.560
You guys are going to pause before meaning making.

1720
01:42:16.560 --> 01:42:17.760
This is going to be really good.

1721
01:42:17.760 --> 01:42:20.720
You're going to start pausing before you make a meaning of things.

1722
01:42:21.280 --> 01:42:24.160
So we're going to practice this in some very simple ways.

1723
01:42:24.160 --> 01:42:27.040
It's going to be observation over interpretation.

1724
01:42:28.320 --> 01:42:30.000
So whether you're dating or not dating,

1725
01:42:30.000 --> 01:42:35.200
we want you to notice moments where you rush meaning, assume outcomes,

1726
01:42:35.840 --> 01:42:41.520
over-attach or decide something was a waste before enough information exists.

1727
01:42:41.680 --> 01:42:43.360
Y'all, I'm going to do this with you.

1728
01:42:43.360 --> 01:42:46.720
I practice it every day and I don't do very well with it.

1729
01:42:47.280 --> 01:42:50.560
Okay. Something kicks in is those old pathways in our brain.

1730
01:42:51.120 --> 01:42:53.840
And then when something triggers you, an emotion,

1731
01:42:53.840 --> 01:42:57.600
we want you to pause and ask yourself, what am I actually observing?

1732
01:42:58.640 --> 01:43:00.080
Like literally, what am I seeing?

1733
01:43:00.640 --> 01:43:02.880
What story am I attaching to this?

1734
01:43:02.880 --> 01:43:06.320
Just like Karen just said, did you hear that whole story?

1735
01:43:06.320 --> 01:43:08.800
She attached to that one thing he said,

1736
01:43:08.880 --> 01:43:12.320
one thing he said, she attached the story

1737
01:43:12.320 --> 01:43:14.480
that she was going to have to teach him the Bible

1738
01:43:15.440 --> 01:43:17.840
because he said he doesn't read his Bible.

1739
01:43:17.840 --> 01:43:20.080
And she attached the story to it and left the man.

1740
01:43:20.080 --> 01:43:21.760
He wouldn't even talk to him no more

1741
01:43:21.760 --> 01:43:23.600
because she attached the story to something.

1742
01:43:24.640 --> 01:43:28.080
So am I gathering information or rushing meaning?

1743
01:43:28.080 --> 01:43:30.160
And this was like the perfect example, right?

1744
01:43:30.160 --> 01:43:32.400
Or what might God be revealing here?

1745
01:43:33.360 --> 01:43:35.600
And so we're going to put these questions on there, right?

1746
01:43:36.320 --> 01:43:37.680
So this didn't work out.

1747
01:43:38.240 --> 01:43:38.960
What a waste.

1748
01:43:39.520 --> 01:43:41.840
You want to actually say, well, what did this teach me?

1749
01:43:41.840 --> 01:43:44.640
When someone's pulled back, do I actually have enough information

1750
01:43:44.640 --> 01:43:45.840
to determine why they pull back?

1751
01:43:45.840 --> 01:43:48.400
You know how we run our brain like, well, what happened?

1752
01:43:48.400 --> 01:43:50.240
Well, maybe it could be this, or maybe it could be that,

1753
01:43:50.240 --> 01:43:52.080
or maybe it could be this, or maybe it could be that.

1754
01:43:52.080 --> 01:43:53.280
We got to stop this stuff.

1755
01:43:53.280 --> 01:43:54.160
We don't know what it is.

1756
01:43:54.160 --> 01:43:55.120
We don't know the people.

1757
01:43:55.120 --> 01:43:56.880
We don't know what they're thinking.

1758
01:43:56.880 --> 01:43:57.680
Okay.

1759
01:43:57.680 --> 01:44:00.080
And so then there's going to be some sharing.

1760
01:44:00.080 --> 01:44:03.120
You can say this week, I noticed I was quickly assuming.

1761
01:44:03.120 --> 01:44:04.880
So we'll put these sentence stems.

1762
01:44:04.880 --> 01:44:08.000
I'm sorry if I'm saying too much that you're not able to track with me,

1763
01:44:08.000 --> 01:44:10.880
but we'll put these sentence stems for you to use.

1764
01:44:10.880 --> 01:44:13.680
So after you do all this noticing, you're going to say,

1765
01:44:13.680 --> 01:44:16.000
this week I noticed I was quickly assuming,

1766
01:44:16.000 --> 01:44:17.840
and you'll complete the sentence.

1767
01:44:17.840 --> 01:44:22.640
Or after I paused, I realized they weren't angry with me.

1768
01:44:23.280 --> 01:44:25.360
They were already upset about something.

1769
01:44:26.560 --> 01:44:31.840
Or I feel like God may be showing me that I am offensive

1770
01:44:31.840 --> 01:44:34.400
or I get off or I'm offended easily.

1771
01:44:34.960 --> 01:44:42.160
Or that, you know, I pile on a stress

1772
01:44:42.880 --> 01:44:44.880
or whatever the Lord may show you.

1773
01:44:44.880 --> 01:44:50.160
But that's going to be our activation and I'll get it posted tonight.

1774
01:44:53.520 --> 01:44:54.160
Sounds good.

1775
01:44:55.840 --> 01:44:57.360
You challenging us for real.

1776
01:44:57.360 --> 01:44:59.200
That's a big thing.

1777
01:44:59.200 --> 01:44:59.840
That's a big.

1778
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:01.640
One of y'all ladies, I'm telling you,

1779
01:45:01.640 --> 01:45:04.720
if you didn't hear what I was reading, that is a doozy.

1780
01:45:04.720 --> 01:45:07.760
And I really, really want y'all to process.

1781
01:45:07.760 --> 01:45:10.040
I really want y'all to do this activation,

1782
01:45:10.040 --> 01:45:11.200
because this is a good one.

1783
01:45:11.200 --> 01:45:15.280
It's going to help retrain the pathways in your brain.

1784
01:45:15.280 --> 01:45:17.320
This really works with your brain.

1785
01:45:17.320 --> 01:45:19.920
Your mind is going to give your brain a new way to think,

1786
01:45:19.920 --> 01:45:22.320
and it's going to change your nervous system

1787
01:45:22.320 --> 01:45:24.520
if you keep working it over time.

1788
01:45:24.520 --> 01:45:28.080
And it really helps you to see things well.

1789
01:45:28.080 --> 01:45:29.560
OK, you're welcome, Laura.

1790
01:45:29.560 --> 01:45:32.680
All right, Shariah, enjoy your summer break.

1791
01:45:32.680 --> 01:45:34.520
I'm coming to Dallas for a conference.

1792
01:45:34.520 --> 01:45:35.760
I'm going to shoot your email.

1793
01:45:35.760 --> 01:45:39.200
I'm going to be up there June 5th, 6th, and 7th.

1794
01:45:39.200 --> 01:45:42.680
And we can have lunch or dinner or whatever, Ebony.

1795
01:45:42.680 --> 01:45:45.040
OK, I'm going to reach out to you.

1796
01:45:45.040 --> 01:45:46.920
OK, sounds good.

1797
01:45:46.920 --> 01:45:49.880
All right, and any other ladies that live in Dallas,

1798
01:45:49.880 --> 01:45:51.040
I'm not just choosing her.

1799
01:45:51.040 --> 01:45:55.600
I will post my whereabouts, and we can all get together.

1800
01:45:55.600 --> 01:45:56.800
All right, have a good night.

1801
01:45:56.800 --> 01:45:57.400
Rest well.

1802
01:45:59.560 --> 01:46:01.120
Thank you.